bye soulmate,
we would have been good.
it’s nearly impossible to say goodbye. how? when you are convinced from the bottom of your heart that you met your soulmate, and you still weren’t meant to be.
but you know, if circumstances somewhere would have been a little bit different here or there
and it actually might have worked out
if other circumstances were around.
well then I believe we would have become an awesome versions of ourselves. both.
maybe not the same versions we are now, but another one that would have felt good, that would have made us grow in another way, healthy way and made us feel alive in a different way, then what keeps us alive right now.
and it’s okay.
it’s okay for us being exactly who we are and what we choose to do and to live with the consequences of our actions and choices
and it just wasn’t possible the way I might have wanted it. and I might have not. a “happy ending” is not always as we expect or wish it to be.
and that’s really just it.
we would have been good still. so good. awesome people, helping each other grow and becoming the best versions of ourselves. I know we would have helped each other grow in a healthy and loving way. giving each other the freedom to be who we need to be in oder to feel about ourselves just as we want to feel. just giving each other the space to unfold our full potential. and it’s so hard to let that go, if you ever see that potential. if you ever felt that way.
but maybe one can say we weren’t supposed to be.
but maybe it was just a choice made or not made.
and that’s all there is,
a choice made or not.
life happens no matter if you make your own decisions or not.
so better try to choose it, right?
and sometimes we wish we choose differently,
just to get a glimpse, and idea of how else it could have been,
because all we have left in the end are the consequences of our or others choices that have been made.
so yeah probably not all (of your choices) are gonna be good but maybe you were able to find your inner peace with most of the consequences. maybe you found your peace in it all and if you can’t get there yet, maybe you can try
and that’s all you can to.
think about it.
so yes I say goodbye now,
weither it was not meant to be or
if it just is what it is.
that’s life, it flows on,
it finds its way.
maybe we are not always 100% in control, as we can change some outcome, we can’t change it all,
so we flow in the ocean of unchangeable things and weirdly they are holding us all together,
these things that seem not meant to be.
that’s how you are able to say goodbye to a soulmate. A soulmate. not THE.
that’s okay, things are done and it’s time to let go go, it’s time to flow.
let it go. let it go. let it go,
so you can flow.
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the men and boys are innocent too.
we cry "the innocent women and children" to appeal to the masses, to try and force their sympathy, but the men and boys are innocent too.
I have seen sons crying out for their mothers, their fathers, their siblings. I have seen them break down at the loss of their families. I have seen them cling to their dead and grieve.
I have seen fathers cradle their dead children, seen them kiss their faces and hold their little hands. I have seen them faint with grief when asked to identify the dead. I have seen them carry their sons and daughters. I have seen them fasting to provide what little they can for their families.
I have seen men and boys digging through the rubble with just their bare hands, I have seen them comforting strangers, playing with children, rocking them, hushing them, even if the face of such imminent danger. I have seen them cry, seen them grieve, seen them break down into each other's arms, seen them be selfless, beyond selfless, becoming something I don't have a word for.
I have seen the men who are doctors refuse to leave their patients, even when they have no medicine or supplies to give them, even when they're threatened with bombings. I have seen fathers who have lost all their children pick orphans up into their arms and proclaim them their child so they are not alone. I have seen men and boys digging pets out of the rubble.
the men are innocent too. the men and boys are being hurt and killed too. the men and boys are grieving too. the men and boys are scared too. the men and boys are fighting to save their people too. the men and boys deserve to be fought for too.
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
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