#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

comradekatara · 5 years

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The good place is kind of eh in practice but I really like the concept so.... gaang and fire lesbians reactions to a good place scenario?

upon being told they’re in the good place, katara, aang & suki are like, “oh, sweet,” ty lee and zuko are like, “what??? i am???” toph and mai are like, “oops i’m here by mistake,” sokka’s like, “theres. theres a points system. thats bullshit this is bullshit,” and azula’s just like *has a panic attack*

everyone gets a soulmate!!!!! yay!!!!! katara, meet zuko. sokka, meet toph. mai, meet azula. ty lee, meet suki (this one backfires because they actually do fall in love). oh, and aang, since you’re a monk, you don’t have a soulmate i guess! but you don’t mind that, right? haha no, of course not! aang keeps having to pretend like he’s fine being the only one without a soulmate, and mai’s just like “oh u can have my soulmate if u want” and aang’s like “oh....no.......that’s okay........ but thanks”

sokka is told that he’s about to meet his soulmate, and he’s like “ok this will be fun” because at this point he’s just decided to go along with it until ashton kutcher jumps out from behind a pot plant or smth. he doesn’t know whether he can trust toph yet, so when she says, “you’ll stand by me no matter what, right?” he’s like “oh of course.” and then she tells him she was sent here by mistake, and she doesn’t know what to do. he’s like, “who forking knows what to do right now this is. this is objectively insane, right????” and she’s like “well, objectively speaking, yes, but it’s also a bit presumptuous of you to assume that an afterlife that measured morality on a points basis didn’t exist just because it sounds silly as fuck when you say it out loud.” and he’s like. “no. we’re definitely being punk’d.” and she’s like “did you just say fork? lmao loser”

ty lee is all “but it doesn’t really make sense that i’m here” and suki’s like “why not? you’re nice and you smell good” and ty lee’s like “but i’m.....super sketchy.......... i’ve committed like......actual felonies???” and suki’s like “ok but who fucking cares tho” and ty lee’s like “ykw GREAT point” and then they kind of just take advantage of the fact that they’re in a magical truman show because that’s the kind of shit you do when you figure out what’s actually going on, duh. michael thinks they hate each other because every time he goes to check in on them they are literally fighting each other??? he’s like oh wait......is this maybe........too far??? but he doesn’t know what to do about that other than maybe recommend some couple’s therapy and they go for laughs and ty lee sobs dramatically and suki wails various bits and pieces of a made up backstory that gets more and more absurd and incongruous every week.

mai and azula are perfect for each other! they have so much in common! for one thing, they both have no idea what the fuck they’re doing here. for another, they do not trust the other as far as they can throw them, and so they are both suffering silently and alone as they try to piece together why they’re here. they live right next door to toph and sokka, so they’re always running into each other, until eventually they are thrown into enough weirdly coincidental situations together that they just become friends. mai actually thinks toph is pretty cool. they kind of just get each other, yknow? what if there was, like, a mixup and.... *gasp* and then azula gets beaten in pai sho once and that’s all it takes for her to become obsessed with sokka and convinced that they are the real soulmates. sokka didn’t account for this happening because he assumed that pai sho is a meaningless game and nothing would happen if he won. he kicks himself for this later.

mai and azula both agree to tell toph and sokka that there’s been a mistake, and they try to inform them of this theory as directly as possible. toph and sokka are like “what are you talking about?? the system would never do such a thing??? the system doesnt make mistakes!!!” and they even threaten to tell michael about this before mai and azula are like “ok ok !!! maybe we were wrong. just an idea” and sokka’s like “ok well maybe we shouldn’t be questioning this perfect world, how’s that for an idea. oh and im in love with toph” and mai and azula leave deeply heartbroken. sokka and toph are like “whew that was close” because there is no fucking way they are splitting up after they’ve spent who knows how long perfectly camouflaging under surveillance and pretending to be having sex while actually doing very long and complicated math and reading through everything every moral philosopher ever wrote up until the day they died and throwing out more and more implausible theories just for sokka to have to pretend to be attracted to azula. toph’s like “i kinda like mai tho” and sokka’s like “yeah mai’s chill”

at first, zuko and katara get along great! they love doing dumb shit together that no one else they knew on earth ever found fun. they have such deep, profound conversations all the time. they’re always cuddling while watching movies and they’re like yeah we real cute. for the first time in both their lives they’re like, wow!! maybe soulmates are real!! all their friends are like “awww you two are so perfect together. and you always have your hands all over each other. you guys must be forkin like crazy” and they’re like “haha! ..........yep!” it’s only just occurred to them that it’s been six months and they still haven’t even kissed. and katara’s like “okay clearly we just....forgot! and we should just do that now, because we’re in ....love? unless..... you don’t want to....” and zuko’s like “HAHA WHAT WHY WOULDNT I WANT TO” the next morning they both are like “well that was great!” and are terrified to tell the other that they currently feel dead inside. after that, they stop having deep conversations. they stop cuddling on the couch. mainly, they just lie to each other so often that the smallest thing will leave them boiling over in a ginormous fight. and when they fight, the entire city knows it, because they are so. goddamn. loud. but then when people ask them how they’re doing katara’s just like “oh we couldnt be more in love :) .....why do you ask?”

after aang’s house gets destroyed in a fire zuko may or may not have started, he feels so guilty he lets aang move into their gaudy mansion with a billion spare bedrooms. aang promises he’ll only be there until they’re done with renovations to his old home, but none of them bother to question why they need to be doing renovations in the good place anyway. zuko is constantly doubting his place in this world, and whether he even is katara’s soulmate. the people around him keep telling him he’s a good person, but then something horrible will happen that he’s certain was his fault, and he’s like “aah im a fraud!” plus, aang seems to understand katara so much better, and they have a really strong bond... if he can be here, he doesn’t understand why aang and katara can’t be true soulmates. and aang agrees.

azula’s breakdowns get worse and worse each time, and she feels so alone. she knows that mai doesn’t love her. she knows that sokka doesn’t love her. her mom didn’t even love her! of course she wouldn’t get a soulmate –– what a childish, naive, foolish, idiotic notion!!!! so she decides to do the right thing, and confess: she was put here by mistake. she is the problem with the neighborhood. she’s not supposed to be here. sokka’s like “okay well fork. why did i ever ever beat her in pai sho” (and he’s right to think that, frankly.) there are proceedings in which azula must admit to michael that she was never a human rights lawyer, but she was an attorney. mainly she got people prosecuted for drug possession. it’s a living! ha ha...! they go through a whole bunch of bullshirt, but it all comes to a head when they’re fighting over who should take azula and zuko’s places (he confesses too, obvs) when it occurs to zuko that they can’t go to the bad place. because they’re already in the bad place.

sokka’s like “whaaaaaaat???? no...........thats ... thats impossible! why would you..............say that.................. you........forking...................idiot...............” (so much work. so much work wasted. fuck this dude. if he weren’t already dead sokka would kill him.) but michael’s already like “wow someone finally figured it out. i thought you’d never get it.” and then goes on to explain his great master plan that was actually a lot less complex than sokka’s current working theory. he leaves the room to talk to sean, and sokka’s like “okay show of hands who knew” so turns out ty lee and suki knew as well. good to know. with double the people with brains, maybe they can devise a plan to escape. and leave the rest to die or whatever. mainly zuko though. especially zuko. sokka writes down a note to find toph, ty lee, suki, and mai in the next reboot and under it, the sentence: “stay calm; you’re in the bad place.”

and then nbc cancels it because they have the foresight to know that the concept won’t sustain itself :)

#this was really fun to write omg #the gaang and #asks #anon #sitnematic universe

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thehalfworld · 6 years

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Fanfic MST: ITS MY LIFE!, a Portal fanfic [part 12]

Oh yes, friends, it’s back! It’s been entirely too long (two years too long, to be exact) and I hope you’re all ready for some more vaguely Portal-flavored nonsense.

No real warnings for this chapter, just typical MarissaTheWriter ridiculousness. And canon character death, maybe, depending on whether or not you take the events of this chapter at face value (and, if I remember this story correctly, you probably shouldn’t).

Recap: Chell and GLaDOS have fused into one entity, P-body is pregnant, and Marissa for some reason decided that Rattman is the only one who can prevent disaster even though dude is strictly a non-action guy. She located him and now the two of them are planning on taking down the Chell/GLaDOS fusion.

Chapter 1

Previous chapter

AN YOU GUYSARE ALL SO WEIRD! YOU WERE GIVIN ME GOOD REVIEWS THEN YOU SAY IM A TROLL AN THAT YUR GONNA KILL ME AN PUT SALT IN MY THINGS?

That is pretty weird, yeah.

(I’m not even sure what she’s referencing. Maybe a play on “assault”?)

IF IT WERENT FOR THE PEPOLE HOO REALLY LICK MY STORY LIKE THE BUZINESS GUY AN SEPHRAL AN CAT NOT BOUNCY ID STOP IT RITE NOW!

I dunno who Sephral is, but “the buziness guy” is user ASBusinessMagnet (later a recurring character in MarissaTheWriter’s stories; I’m pretty sure we got married at one point), and “Cat Not Bouncy” is Tumblr user catbountry, who was going by “Not Cat Bountry” on Fanfiction dot net and who did a dramatic reading.

PS - I NO THAT GLADOS IS SPELLED GLADOS I CALLED HER FUSION CHELLGADOS BECOS CHELL ALREADY HAS THE LS AN IT SOUNDED MORE COOLER!

See, I told you she’d explain that. All makes sense now, right? Perfectly logical writing decision.

ITS MY LIFE!

CHAPTER TWELF: THE FINAL BATTLE

Bit of a misnomer, since this is not, in fact, the final chapter.

(Actually, if I remember correctly, MarissaTheWriter may have been writing by the seat of her pants; it’s possible she initially intended this as the True and Honest Final Battle.)

Ratman an I were goin thru the air ducks to get to CHELLGADOSs layer were the final show down wold be.

Oh my god, she means her lair, not her layer. That literally took me years to figure out. Holy fuck.

Wheatly was growlin an tryin to be scarry becos he didant have weapons so he was lick are cheer leader.

Considering what happens when Wheatley actually tries to be the bad guy, I think this is preferable.

We intered the layer an saw CHELLGADOS buildin turrents but these ones was speshal becos they cold walk a round an shoot an stuff!

Hey, I played Portal 2, I saw the turret assembly line. It’s pretty much autonomous. She doesn’t have to build them herself, and honestly I think she’d find it beneath her.

But maybe things have changed since I left the building.

"INTURDER!" One of the turrents called to CHELLGADOS. CHELLGADOS looked at me with all the angry she ever had.

That’s a phenomenal amount of anger. Surprised Marissa didn’t combust on the spot.

"Marrissa Roberts you have interfeared with my plans for the last time becos now I will kill you."

All right! Time for some murder!

Then she seed Ratman an got more angry. "RATMAN IS A LIFE? NOW YOU WILL BOTH DYE!"

I doubt she cares about killing Rattman, considering that she didn’t do so before and that he poses basically no threat on his own. Like I said… non-action guy.

CHELLGADOS taked out her portal gun wich was modified to shoot bullets lick a reel gun but cold shoot portals to just in case.

Okay, but does it really shoot bullets? I ask because the turrets use spring-loaded action in order to fire the entire bullet, which is obviously a hell of a lot less effective despite delivering more bullet per bullet. Explains why Chell can take so many hits without dying.

Point being, there’s no evidence Aperture Science knows how guns are supposed to work.

She fired the portal gun an it hit Ratman with a boom an I thot he was dead for sure.

But Ratman gotted up!

What? Is he still alive?

"Silly CHELLGADOS you cannt hurt me becos..." He pulled down his pants an I saw that he had replased his man thingys with... the space an rick cores!

…I know we’re leading up to a “balls of steel” joke, and I shan’t comment on that, but this raises so many goddamn questions. How do you replace your testicles with personality cores? A personality core is a hell of a lot bigger, and heavier, than a human testicle. Also, Space Core is in space, so how did Rattman get ahold of him? Did he shrink the cores somehow? How did this make him immune to bullets? How did he fit two personality cores in his pants? Why did he need to flash everybody?

My brain is hurting over this and I know it’s only in the story because the author wanted to make a stupid pun. Moving the hell on.

"IVE GOT BALLS OF STEEL!" (Thats from a game called Duke Nukum Forever its funny) The space core was still thing he was in space but Rick was mad at been one off Ratmans tentacles.

One of his tentacles? Are we in a hentai now?

"Well then ill just portal you into space like Wheatly an see how you like it you wont!" CHELLGADOS shooted a nother portal unner Ratmans feet an he was sucked into s space. "No dont you are my dotter Chell!" Ratman yelled as he got sucked in.

Uh… what? How? I thought Marissa and Chell were both Cave and Caroline’s kids in this story. Wasn’t that established several chapters ago?

"OMG HOW?" CHELLGADOS an me said at the same time to gether. "It all storted a long time ago..." Ratman gave us the down lo as he was just barely hanging on to the portal. "I used to work for Gabe Jonson affer he changed his name to Cave in onor of his dead brother. Caroline was got shot as you no Marrissa an was put in a robot body that was called... GLaDOS!"

Right, we know. How is he hanging on to the portal? Can you do that? I don’t think you can do that.

CHELLGADOS o-mouthed at his shockin words.

Did she forget she spent the beginning of this story being a goth emo over the revelation that she used to be human? Like… this isn’t news anymore.

"Gabe new he wold have to dotters named Marrissa an Chell but since GLaDOS was a prototip she an Cave coldnt make baby normal way an instead used the artificial enseamanation an grew test toob babys.

Hey, what the fuck is the “normal way” to have sex with a giant robot? Seriously, please inbox me if you know. It’s for a friend. I swear.

But there was a miksup an my dna got used instead of Gabes for one of the toobs that toob was... CHELL!" Then Rutman coldnt hold on any longer an fell into space an died.

Why did Aperture Science have a sperm sample from Rattman on file? How did they get DNA from Caroline, since her physical human body no longer exists? How does Rattman know about the mixup? Who carried the baby to term? How did two white people birth a woman of color? How did two white people birth a woman of color? I don’t know if I brought this up earlier in the MST, but I am directing that question at every “Chell is Cave and Caroline’s daughter” theorist too. You’re not off the fucking hook.

Then CHELLGADOS started shackin an looked funny. Chell was fightin back a gainst GLaDOSs control! "Marrissa there is not much time left you must kill me to stopped GLaDOS once and four all!"

Okay, but we know what happens when Marissa kills Chell — thanks to having consumed the “zombie taters,” Chell will just turn into a zombie. You don’t want the most tenacious woman in the world after your brains, but especially not when she’s fused with the most massive collection of wisdom to ever exist, who also hates you.

I o-mouthed becos Chells brane damage was cured so now I coldnt put her out of MISERY lol.

That’s actually not the concern I expected Marissa to have. She has no problem killing disabled people, but being fused with a homicidal AI who is using your body as her puppet is A-OK, even when the victim is begging for death?

Man, this girl could use some new priorities.

"But I cannt kill you Chell yur my sister there must be a nother way! Chell got sad "Hurry GLaDOS is takin control!" An she started lollin with evil. There was no way I cold kill Chell an then I rembered that GLaDOS used to be Carlion an that made me not want to kill herr neither.

Yeah, and remember how she used to be a well-written and complex character who cannot be reduced to a mere villain and who actually likes Chell so much she keeps writing songs about it?

Sorry, there I go talking about canon again.

"Bloody hell Marrissa shes powerin up!" Wheatly screemed from inside my jump soot an I looked up an saw CHELLGADOS was floatin in air an electric stuff was comin out off her. "THANKS MARRISSA YUO REMINDED ME THAT I USED TO BE CARALIN SO I REMBERED THAT I HAVE POWERS TOO!"

Hey, uh, what the fuck?

I o-mouthed, that dumb ingineer forgot to make it so only I gotted the powers! I didant no what to do now an it seemed hope less when a herd a sound. "Hey b**** were heer for backup!" It was... ATLAS AN P-BODY!

Who are they here to back up?

"OMG why are you jersk helpin me?" I asked while o-mouthin from the shock. "Becos CHELLGADOS is half yur sister an we dont lick you so we dont lick Chell neither!" Atlas eksplained. "An I rembered that you gave us the drugs an beer in the first place so if it wasnt for you we woldnt have drugs an beer!" P-Body added an Atlas nodded like yeah!

I guess that’s reasonable. I, too, feel indebted to those who give me drugs and beer.

We started ti fire are portal guns at CHELLGADOS an the portals combined to make a big portal black hole.

Co-op mode would benefit from the inclusion of this feature, I think.

"OH SH**!" CHELLGADOS screamed as the GLaDOS parts were all sucked out off Chell.

Should have attached them better, I guess.

Ones all of GLadOS was gone we closed the portal an Chell falled down on the ground. "Chell I safed you!" I rant to my sister an gave her hug. "Marrissa Im sorry, but the damaje from GLaDOS was to much..."

“…not to mention, having my butt sliced off after someone used their powers a little too recklessly…”

An she dyed in my arms. "Nooooo Chell my sister you are died!" I cried soooo much an Whealty cried to becos they was frends even Atlas an P-Body looked kinna sad.

Isn’t Chell gonna turn into a zombie now or are we not doing the zombie stuff anymore? Was that only because she was brain-damaged? This fic is confusing.

I put down Chells body an stand up when there was a clikclak nose be hind me.

Oh no! Not a clikclak nose!

"LOL we tricked you to get yur guard down Marrissa! Now die b****!" An Atlas an P-Body lolled an shot me in head.

I’ve probably mentioned it before, but I love that the author of this mess has no problem writing over-the-top violence but feels the need to censor the word “bitch.”

"Marrissa!" Wheatly screamed an ever thing got really black an I died.

Love the prose.

TO BE CONTINUED?

Yes, indeed, we’re not done with this fic yet!

OH NO MARRISSA IS DIED!

Oh, yes.

CAN WHEATLY SAFE HER?

Well, seeing as she’s dead, I think it may be a bit late for that.

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ONE PS IM THINKIN OF MAYBE WRITIN A SPINNOFF A BOUT TEEN FORTRESS 2 AN GABE JONSON AN CARALION LIVIN IN PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL WHAT DO YOU GUYS THIN?

She actually did write that spinoff, by the way. I’ll put my MST of it up on this blog at some point.

Next chapter

#itsmylife.mst #fandom:portal #halfworld.mst

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