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whelvenwings · 4 years

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3k, College AU. In which Dean attempts to scam Castiel over text, with... mixed results.

read here on AO3 if you prefer!

Castiel sat in his apartment, scrolling listlessly through his phone. He’d tried to stop doing this recently. The hours he flipped down the wishing well of his Instagram feed just weren’t rewarding him with the perfect life he wished for, and at a certain point it was time to stop making the wishes. But even though he’d put his social media apps in a folder marked Don’t Do It, and even though he knew he didn’t want to melt through his days like this – slumped on his sofa with phone in hand – he ended up doing it anyway.

He stared briefly at a picture of a dog. Then someone’s baked goods. Then someone else’s throwback picture to their time in Greece.

None of it was particularly exciting, but he couldn’t seem to will himself away.

Inside him, a little voice was saying, you know, you could be doing something that you actually enjoy right now, like going for a run or reading a book or watching a TV show or, and I mean heaven forbid, but you could possibly start doing that paper? You know, like, work?

Castiel scrolled some more. The voice in his mind was very loud but outwardly, he was just sitting in his living room, eyes fixed quietly on his screen.

Move! said the little voice. You can’t just sit here forever! What are you doing? Your minutes on Earth are slipping out from under you while you do things you don’t even like!

With a little sniff, Castiel kept going. It was like his thumb had a mind of its own, traversing his Instagram like a lone journeyman, while the sky-gods above in Castiel’s mind begged it to stop.

A white box unfurled from the top of Castiel’s screen.

He blinked. A notification – a text. He tried to pull down the notif to read what the text said, but he accidentally closed it instead. Treacherous little journeyman thumb, he thought. Maybe if it spent less time overexerting itself on social media scrolling, it’d be able to open a text message.

A text message. Weird. No one texted him anymore, not really – all his friends used WhatsApp, and his professors only ever contacted him via email. To just get a plain old text was unusual. He flipped over to his texting app and opened it.

>> Your phone is now hacked so do exactly what I say and I’ll remove the hack. If you don’t I’ll destroy all your phone data. If you try to block me or report this I’ll destroy all the data instantly send your home address or I’ll hack you and share everything

When he started reading the message, Castiel felt a cold clutch of worry grip his stomach. His phone was hacked? How was that even possible? He ran anti-virus and anti-malware apps all the time, even though they slowed down his phone. He took care not to visit any sites that looked suspicious. How could –

He read it again, and then frowned, and sent a message back.

<< I have to send the address or you’ll hack me? I thought you already hacked me?

There was a pause. Castiel could feel his heart beating a little fast. His phone was supposed to be a safe island that no one could get into, his own private space; having someone text him that they were inside it, had hacked it, felt like having someone in his bedroom rooting through his things.

After thirty seconds, the text came back.

>> Yeah I’ve definitely hacked it so send the address or I’ll destroy your data and share it

Castiel squinted. He typed back,

<< How are you going to share the data if you destroyed it?

Another pause, and then –

>> I’ll share it first

With a more suspicious expression on his face than ever, Castiel responded,

<< What phone do I have? What OS?

>> You have thirty seconds to send the address or I’m going to share the data

<< You didn’t answer my question.

>> I don’t have to

Castiel actually had a small smile forming on his face as the last text came in. The person on the other end of the phone clearly had no idea what they were doing. He wasn’t sure if this was just a prank from one of his friends, or if it was a genuine attempt to scam him, but it definitely wasn’t an actual hacker.

With that same little smile on his face, Castiel typed out,

<< It’s been more than thirty seconds.

>> Yeah and I have your data now so I’m gonna share it

It was almost endearing, Castiel thought.

<< You really didn’t plan ahead for if someone actually questioned you, did you?

>> Yeah I am prepared. I’m gonna destroy everything on your phone

As Castiel considered how to reply – and if he even should, or if it was better to leave the supposed hacker to their own devices – he felt his stomach growl. Lost in the endless scroll of his Instagram feed, he’d completely forgotten to eat for most of the day. The texts from this person had finally broken the spell.

<< Alright. Enjoy yourself. I’m going to go and get some food.

>> Copying all the content now

Of course you are, Castiel thought. Of course. He wandered through to his kitchen and started browsing through his shelves. He had rice – plenty of rice, and also a bottle of soy sauce that was going out of date, and a slightly withered onion. In the fridge he found a few more limp-looking vegetables that needed eating up before he next went shopping.

Ten minutes later found him watching a pot bubbling to cook his rice, with a frying pan sizzling beside it.

When he picked up his phone, the hacker hadn’t responded. Castiel took a screenshot of their conversation, and then flipped over to WhatsApp. Opening the groupchat he had with his friends, he sent the screenshot.

I’m getting hacked, he wrote, and then put a terrified emoji. Charlie responded immediately with four cry-laughing emojis, and a few others sent some gifs. Castiel watched along the top to see someone typing a response – a number he didn’t have saved to his phone.

Sounds pretty scary you should probably send it, said the person. Castiel checked the name in grey next to their number, the one WhatsApp displayed automatically. Dean Winchester.

Dean Winchester? Castiel felt a little flip in his stomach. He’d been hoping to get to chat to Dean for months, now – they’d shared a class last semester but somehow had never got to talking, just traded looks across the room. Castiel had thought he’d lost his chance when the semester had ended and their shared class had been over – but then Charlie had added Dean into the chat at the start of the new year, introducing him as someone she’d met in one of her computing classes. Dean had been quiet so far, though, just lurking and reading messages.

Now, for the first time, Dean had actually said something to him.

And it was something ridiculous. Dean wasn’t actually taking this seriously, was he? Those computing classes couldn’t be focusing in on hacking as a topic, if he was this clueless.

Castiel didn’t want to leave Dean hanging without a reply, but he also didn’t want to embarrass him by laughing at the idea of the hack being scary. Instead, he switched over to his texting app again. Maybe if he got more evidence that the “hacker” had no idea what they were doing, then Dean would realise on his own that it wasn’t anything to worry about.

He thought for a second, and then sent,

<< How’s it going? It can’t take that long to steal all my data. I only have like 4 pictures on my phone and they’re all accidental selfies.

>> I’m getting all your credit card details you should definitely just send the address

<< Isn’t my address in the same place in my phone where you found my credit card details?

A pause, and then –

>> Yeah it is but you should tell me anyway

Castiel pressed his lips together to repress a laugh, and took another screenshot, and sent it to the groupchat.

I think I’ll be okay, he said. Dean started typing again immediately, while emojis rolled in from the rest of the people in the chat.

Dean said,

I don’t know dude seems legit to me

Charlie sent a message that said,

Dean… are you reading the same thing I’m reading?

Castiel was glad that Charlie was the one questioning him, because someone had to. Surely Dean was just kidding around, though. There was no way he really thought that this terrifying “hacker” represented a serious threat.

Dean was typing again. Castiel stirred his vegetables in the frying pan.

I had a friend who got the same message, Dean said, and he didn’t send his address and the hacker totally ruined his life so you should probably just send it

The message sat there in the WhatsApp groupchat, and was met with silence. Castiel read over it, shook his head – and then he noticed his rice was definitely cooked, and went to drain the water away in the sink before it went mushy in the pot. A frown was growing on his face as he did so. When he was done, he stirred his vegetables some more and then came back and read the message again.

His eyes narrowed.

He switched to his texting app, and read over the texts the hacker had sent him. And then went back to WhatsApp, and read Dean’s message.

The style was undeniably similar.

Was Dean pranking him? Probably not, right? Why would he? But then again, Dean was trying to convince him that the hack was real over WhatsApp in a way that was stylistically similar and just as unconvincing as the hacker themself over text… Castiel wasn’t sure what to make of that. Attention from Dean would feel kind of good, but given that the attention he was possibly getting was some kind of attempt to scam him out of his personal details, the good feeling was definitely not boundless.

After some thought, Castiel turned down the heat under his frying pan, tapped through his phone, and hit Call.

Bzz, bzz. The dial tone hummed in Castiel’s ear. He found that his heartbeat was actually pounding a little hard.

Bzz, bzz. Maybe this was a bad idea. Probably he should just hang up, and try messaging instead –

“Hello?”

Castiel went still as someone picked up. Their voice was comically low and growling, as though the person who’d answered was putting on a voice.

“Hello,” Castiel said.

“This is the hacker. Tell me your address.”

Castiel pressed his lips together, very hard, so he wouldn’t laugh.

“I said, tell me the address.”

“Um,” Castiel said. “No, thank you. Dean, what are you doing?”

There was a pause, and some kind of hurried rustling on the phone, and then the voice said,

“Dean? Who’s Dean? I don’t know anyone with that name. Just send over the address and your data won’t be shared and destroyed.”

“Dean,” Castiel said, “I called you on WhatsApp. I know this is you.”

The silence, this time, was significantly more protracted. For a few seconds, Castiel thought that Dean was actually gone, or that maybe the line had gone dead. Instead, after an incredibly pregnant pause, Dean said in his normal voice,

“Fuck.”

“Can I… ask you what’s going on?”

“Uh…” Dean hesitated. “Shit. Oh, god. Okay. Look, man, uh, buddy, I’m – I’m really sorry if I freaked you out with the whole scam thing –”

“I wasn’t freaked out,” Castiel said, trying not to sound too much as though he was enjoying himself. It felt good to hear Dean’s voice down the phone. Dean Winchester, the most handsome guy in Spanish 101, was actually on the end of the phone. They were actually talking. Under circumstances that made no sense, obviously, but still.

“Right… right. I just – I’m sorry, it was this idea I had and I thought I could just…”

He broke off. Something about the tone of his voice took the silliness and hilarity out of the situation, and Castiel’s slight smile dropped to be replaced by a little frown of concern.

“Are you in some kind of trouble? Do you need a place to come to?”

“No, no, nothin’ like that. Oh my god, this is the worst.”

“Dean… is something wrong? If you need my address… you know you could have messaged me and just asked for it?”

Dean groaned.

“I don’t… I mean, yeah, but like, no,” Dean said. “Look, I’m just gonna go. I’m sorry for… whatever the hell this was, and –”

“Wait,” Castiel said, “wait, don’t go. You can’t try to scam me for my address and then not give me any answers, I…”

“Sorry,” Dean said, and then hung up.

Castiel took his phone away from his ear. There had been something so wretched and barely-concealed in Dean’s tone that Castiel himself was upset, his stomach twisting. He looked down at his phone screen.

After a long minute of thought, Castiel went to his texting app and opened the text chain with the “hacker”.

<< 401 Lazarus Rise SW, Apartment 67

He considered the text for a long moment, and then sent it. Dean didn’t text back.

But two days later, there was a knock at his front door. Castiel, sitting at his desk and reluctantly typing out some words on his paper, frowned and looked over at the clock as though its face calmly showing 5pm would give him some kind of answer about who was outside. Receiving no wisdom from it, he decided to go and see for himself.

Opening the door, he saw a delivery person wearing a big smile and carrying a bunch of flowers.

“Here you go!” they said, handed him the flowers smartly, and then marched off down the hallway. Castiel stared after them, wondering how they’d even managed to get inside the building without being buzzed in. Probably Mrs Tran down the hall leaving the door open again, so that her son could get in even though her buzzer was broken.

Castiel stood in the doorway of his apartment, holding onto the bunch of flowers. It was a simple enough arrangement – just twelve red roses, nestled in brown paper. When the delivery person was gone, Castiel blinked and looked down at them. Surely these had to be for someone else in the building – he could just check the label and try to figure out who.

The label was a piece of brown card tied to the roses with string. In a messy scrawl, Castiel read,

Hey sorry again about what happened hopefully these make up for it. Never really tried to do anything about liking a guy before so don’t know what I’m doing. Didn’t know if you’d find flowers embarrassing so tried to get your address and send them anonymously but I guess that plan sucked ass huh? Don’t feel like you gotta say anything just wanted to apologize. Dean

Castiel’s eyes went wide and soft. He read the message through one more time and then once more after that, and then tilted the roses up to look at them, and then read the message again, and then smelled the flowers. He leaned back against his doorframe. He could feel his heart just about ready to burst out of his chest.

He went into his apartment, feeling as though he were walking on marshmallows. His legs were fuzzy with his happiness. Finding his phone, he pulled up WhatsApp.

Bzz, bzz.

Bzz –

“Hello?”

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel still had the roses in one hand. He looked down at them again, and closed his eyes because the happiness was just a little too much for a half-second.

“Uh.” He heard Dean swallow. “I did put the part where you didn’t have to say anything to me, right?”

“I know. But I wanted to thank you.”

“Uhhh.” Dean sounded floored. “Okay. Well, you’re… welcome?”

“And I wanted to ask you for something.”

“Oh. Okay?”

Castiel smiled.

“Your address,” he said.

––

The next night, Castiel stood outside the door of a slightly shabby-looking apartment, and knocked.

After less than three seconds, it was opened. Framed in the doorway stood Dean Winchester, wearing a nervous smile and nicer clothes than Castiel had ever seen him wear before to class.

Castiel breathed out.

“Hey,” Dean said. His hands looked awkward and clumsy, and Castiel’s heart was full enough looking at the confused shy man in front of him that he couldn’t stop himself – he reached out and took one of them. And it wasn’t supposed to happen this way, it was all in the wrong order, they were meant to go out for dinner and then Castiel would drop Dean back at his apartment and walk him to the door and then they were supposed to do this – but somehow Dean was close, and Castiel was leaning in a little closer still, and then their lips met.

Dean kissed so gently.

When Castiel pulled away, he saw the colour flowering inDean’s lightly stubbled cheeks.

“Uh,” Dean said gruffly. “Uh, good, okay. Yeah. Good.”

“Good?”

“Good,” Dean confirmed. “Good.”

“Good,” Castiel said.

For a second, they stared at each other. And then, moving at the same time, they both leaned in again – not so gentle, now.

They didn’t make their dinner reservation.

“We should call and tell them we’re not coming,” Castiel said at one point.

“They’ll be okay.”

“We should tell them,” Castiel insisted, giving Dean a little dig in the ribs. “It’s rude not to.”

“What, you think the cops will come for us if we don’t?”

“They’re already coming for you anyway,” Castiel said. “This has all been a ruse to catch the biggest scammer in town.”

Dean dropped his head onto Castiel’s shoulder, and laughed.

“Never gonna live that one down?”

“Never,” said Castiel, and kissed him again.

#whelvenwingsfic #destiel #deancas #destiel fic #thebloggerbloggerfun #with my new and very tenuous digital drawing skillz #I made the banner with the phone on it!#I'm so oddly proud of it #I'm sure there are 10000 mistakes but hey they're my mistakes in a art what I did??#I did an art!#anyway #here endeth the three-day downpour of fics from me #lots more in the works though!

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 3 years

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wip wednesday, havin some fun:

That’s how he finds himself at the dining table, eating some leftover vegetarian stir-fry and looking through a brainstormed list of potential spells to investigate, jotting down notes about the pros and cons of getting going on each one. Making the guitar play itself — the magic’s probably not that hard but it almost definitely requires more musical aptitude than he’s working with. Developing his own hangover cure — history suggests that his talents do not lie in that direction, and that’s maybe not a great situation to be volunteering as a test subject for at this point in his life. Nicotine gum, but make it magic — probably research would quickly turn up that that’s been tried extensively by now, and it would be a hell of a lot of catch-up before he might plausibly be the one to crack it. Nicotine patch, but make it magic — ditto. Nicotine lozenges, but make it magic — same issue. Nicotine spray, but make it magic — see above. Just regular-ass cigarettes but they’re not bad for you, because magic — okay, maybe he’d been distracted when he wrote this. Quentin gnaws at his thumbnail. The internet suggests that cravings peak somewhere between forty-eight and seventy-two hours after quitting, so. Allegedly he’s almost out of the woods. He tries to appreciate Toni’s sauce and focus on the list. Something to introduce Edine to actually good human music — Quentin drums his fingers on the table, considering.

“Hey, Nico,” he says. “You do computer stuff, right?”

Nico looks up from his laptop and his coffee, slides down his thick black headphones around his neck. “I’m a full stack hedge-developer writing the cleanest magic-integrated JavaScript on the West Coast. I cast UI nets so powerful their kids could get into Brakebills and my back-end security code is clean enough to pass a piss test, but sure. Yeah. You could also say I do computer stuff.”

“Cool,” Quentin says, “that’s great. So — is there a way I could use magic to put digital information into something that’s not a computer? Like if I had a, a rock or something, and I wanted to put songs on it to play, like you do on your phone, could I do that?”

Nico scoffs. “Can I whip up a Twitter-scraping data analytics dashboard in Python with a psychic-derived access key that’s compatible with any major OS?”

Quentin stares at him.

Nico rolls his eyes. “Yeah, there’s a way,” he says. “There’s like, multiple ways, and most of them don’t actually require any coding, although obviously the more technically informed ones are more elegant.”

#wip wednesday

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bullwrinkledmagnum · 4 years

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I scrolled through the article 3 times to reexamine the picture of the nails...

Abu tells me: it's there it wasn't a disappearing picture!

Then he tells me....: there was no pictures on the internet, it was in your head!

I remember when we went with Queen Elizabeth II

And she had told me we were gonna go watch them excavate coffins... No one else pays attention to a little old lady in a plane full of rambunctious boys. Except me.

So when we got there jesse tells me "hey you know everything, what's inside these?" And he got distracted by kids and had to yell turned back to me and said "huh whats these all about huh kid what? Tellll me!"

"Bones" and i walked away and he got to me and said "those are big bones"

I looked at the coffins and said "not really. They look to be normal size" cause the coffins were normal sized although tall but we were talking bones not fat which was all gone already...

So he was all bugging "so they're WHALE?!?!!?"

The Queen whisked by me giggling and I didn't know why...

Me: we're mammals! Think! What's wrong with you anyways?!!? You got too much airplane food?!?!

The Queen is in the corner hiding her mouth with her hand and just laughing and laughing do hard! She sounds like she's wheezing from the dirt and dust.

Jesse: is the quee ok?

Me: yes she's okay just a bit coughy. But there's noting wrong with her. Go on and look. [He starts towards the queen] at the box, dummy

Jesse: look i need to stsrt getting a little respect around here i aint her roayl highness majesty but i am an adul-- what?

Me: you really think the box is made of bone?

Jesse: yeah what? I do. You said --

Me: Then what kind?

Jesse: you said mammal so im guessing wooly mammoth

Me: DING!

Jesse turned away to kiss ass to the queen and i muttered "bat" under my breath but loud enough ...

Jesse: huh?

Me: no yeah you're right respect let's go into the next chamber.

So he goes to the Queen "do you know about these?!"

She nodded and tried to correct him But not "nooo" she told herself not to laugh

"Oh!! I made the best ancient discovery, yet!!"

I looked at him alk wtf are you talking about ass hole?!?!

"See these are all wooly mammoth coffins! Come look!"

"But Jesse excuse me! Jesse! Yoo hoo!"

"Huh"

"Jesse i thought all these caskets in these here tombs were all about rocks?"

Jesse looked at me

I shrugged palms up "Idk all the people left? Or maybe they were evil and had to have rocks piled on top of them!!" I ran towards the sunny door way because I don't make shit up, usually and the Queens smile was getting me to giggle and if she winked again id lose it.

Jessse: did you hear her? She was just repeating what i told her earlier. What im thinking here is all these are filled with Gold!! Because these people were the best and wanted to take all the gold with them! Here let's lift the lid off.

Queen: oh no! I don't mess with wooly mammoth bones. Human's only!!

Jesse: well, ill fond someone queen this will be amazing. I'll be right back. Keep an eye on the kids.

The queen stepped outdoors with me and we giggled ourselves silly until he returned.

He came out shortly and said he had help but the Queen said she needed help up the excavation laddar to get the boys and girls from the park and have lunch/supper.

He asked if he could continue with the coffins... She giggled.i told him she had said sure

So while upstairs picning in the grass... Alex, William and Jabar in the trees eating. William climbed down and said Jesse bad a wheel barrow

So i was sent to scout... It was empty.. So i returned to report the news

But William had seen it was full so he went around the corner, looked down and saw the ladder on the ground and the rocks piled down in.

Upon his report the Queen looked alarmed. I told her "don't worry. He told the kids a billion times how fragile everything is so he knows not to bother with to damage but also hes doing something stupid. Don't worry it will be fun. Always is"

The Queen decided to change from her usual dress and to put on slacks. Yes she ladders in heels and dress and hats and gloves and even a scarf from time to time.

"Think they're ready enough?"

"Oh you look nice. I like the blouse. I really like the polka dots. Come on boys. Youll need to drop the ladder for us ladies, shes old and privileged, I'm young and stout with a bad back. And come on jabar you can hold my hand like a good boy.... Or not" as he ran past us to tap William on the shoulder... But then he doubled back after telling William he was going to walk with me and the Queen.

At the pit as we called it we hollered for Jesse and we heard scrambling and rocks dropping and sounding like they were breaking.

"Like ice in a glass" said the Queen in a giggle

"JESSE! HEY GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! WE NEED HELP DOWN!"

"Yeah well we need the ladder!!"

"THERE AINT ONE!!"

Jesse looked pale

"Idk ask one of the kids. See if you can climb down" he caught me on his shoulder as i slid down the wall "you gotta see what i did kid i think i messed up... There was a body..."

I heard the Queen shouting i stopping to motion them to get the ladder and to climb down and ESP my twin not to jump

"You coming?"

"What? Yeah"

"So i took the body out and put all the rocks in here But they sure aren't gold. Why is your eye twinkling? Is it okay? I mean. I did good right?!?"

"Was it a real body?!?!"

"Yeah!! See! And i covered it with a tarp!".

"Let,me,see! Let me,at her!!"

He led me around the corner of the coffin and I lifted the tarp... I noticed it getting darker slowly from the doorway light then it was completely dark. I looked up. Everyone gathered in the doorway, shocking Jesse into a startle as he stood behind me rubbing my lower back. I dropped the tarp stepped back quietly, closed my eyes and bowed to the queen once to notify her the body looked undamaged.

She giggled... Jesse continued his speech and she couldn't help but burst out full blown hee haww

Jesse was all telling us how thrilling and masculine his discovery was and how if we left the room and went into the other chambers he would remove the rocks and put them in the wheelbarrow upstairs and discover a body completely undisturbed by the weight of the rocks!!

The boys eyes were in awe... The actors anyways... As we had all laid/sat in the grass telling the story of Jesse downstairs.

"But Jesse!! The rocks!! There's too many!! How on Earth did you get the lid off and so,many rocks appear? Did the lid break"

"They just popped up like popcorn! And the lid os here under this tarp safe and sound. See your majesty? Its perfect. We were very gentle. But this. This is magic!"

"Oh okay boys come on lets get through with the show" she was unpleased but tolerant.

"But Jesse you're like magic!! This! Look guys! Wait! I found a nail to the coffins! The Whale bone coffin!!"

2 boys had to laugh... And it started a train of giggles.

"I bet this one nail held this entire room of coffins together by itself!! And when you opened this one coffin! Just this one! It popped out! Amazing! Unbelievable!"

Everyone began to walk out..

"Thanks kid, know I love ya!"

"I know im appreciated!" I threw my arms ib the air and skipped to catch up with Everyone else.

I went into the next chamber which was filled with anger. We blew it out like dust and sat down and I said what i saw of the body and then we discussed theories and ideas of what the room we were in used to be. We discovered it used to be a home. And we were in the kitchen.

On the way home we of course had to wait for Jesse to load the last of the plane including his rocks that might turn to gold had said the Queen.

One of the protective squad mentioned how stupid and disappointing and annoying that Jesse James character is and how he almost ruined the entire tomb, disturbed a body, could have killed the Queen whom didn't want use the ladder, carried her on his shoulder, and on and on. So angry, bitter and adult like.

We all agreed and I looked around the plane, let out a great exhale of air and said "yeah and it was the best day ever!"

This man whom hadnt winked, snorted, giggled or even grinned the entire day snorted then suddenly he collapsed in his chair and began laughing, slow shoukder shaking at first then into insanity of hilarity. Then he bent around the back of his chair and said "thanks for being the best boss ever!!"

And for the first time in quite awhile, Ms Queen Elizabeth II blushed.

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nocleansocks · 4 years

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Jacquard: 14, 49. Sticks: 8. Florian: 91. Cutlas: 81. Echo: 19. Fouro: 62. Glancer: 98. =)

TRANSFORMERS. ROBOTS IN DISGUISE.

14. Has [Jaquard] character ever been in love?

HOO BOY This question hit me in some sorta way I’m not sure why. I think Jaquard is absolutely a pining romantic. I mean, he basically looks like the incognito mode icon, so. I think he’s the kind of pining romantic that can slip into Jane Austin mode at the flick of a switch. He hasn’t just dwelled on the concept of love in the regards of loving another but also in the sense of love itself. Love for the past: he’s romanticized the life he wasn’t apart of, Asteriniolians’ life, perhaps even Asteriniolian himself. But is that a familial love, or maybe a selfish love? Are they the same person? Different? With that being said though, he’s also dwelt on the concept of love as appreciation, for the present, for family, general thanks. Love for what you do: he has a lot of love for the arcane, for history, for hobbies and function. And of course, love for intimacy. There’s definitely an overwhelming love towards Fouro, something that’s wavered from friendship to interest to respect to family back to confusion. Something unspoken and, again, in his Jane Austin submerged mind, something that’s maybe even more beautiful unexplored.

49. What colors are associated with [Jaquard]?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWAGLkyxQG0

8. What location encountered in the campaign has [Sticks] felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most?

I think Sticks specifically has taken very well to Colkirk. As one of the younger ones, a lot of their formative years were with everyone else in hiding and running, and now they have this big new city to explore full of new people and new opportunities, yet it still has all the familiarity of the city to the east. In all honesty, they’ve been at home each and every time the warforged are all together. They were the most lost in the absence of Fouro. They loved the tower when he was there, because everyone was there! But now, in Colkirk, not only are all of the warforged there, but there’s so much else to explore, too.

91. What is [Florian]’s guiltiest pleasure?

Eating dirt Florian absolutely enjoyed the fighting. The pits in Stormhelm were corrupt and dangerous and the conditions he was fighting under (staking his life to try and free his family) were deplorable, but somewhere inside, the moments between the start of the fight and the end of the fight where the only thing you could focus on was yourself and the person in front of you... he enjoyed that escape. He’s still a pacifist, he can never support violence for the sake of violence, but mutually agreed combat with established limits? Definitely something he never expected to get a rush out of.

81. What does [Cutlass]’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose [Cutlass]’s name?)

Answering the second question first, I obviously chose names for all of the warforged inspired by their respective envoy tool. Jaquard - a fabric - for the weaver; Florian, a riff on florist, for the gardener; Os - Osmium - for the alchemist, etc etc. Cutlass was more-so a riff on Cut, focusing on his jeweler’s abilities, and then I settled on Cutlass because he was actually supposed to have Glancer’s personality, originally. Defensive, sharp... all the things that Cutlass himself ultimately turned out not to be. The first session the warforged were all introduced, when they were all in a big room together and we went through introductions like it was the start of a murder mystery detective game, so many of the warforged’s personality came out of nowhere. I had sat down beforehand to give myself a rough idea of how they all would act. I think I remember messaging my players that I was coming dangerously close to homestuck territory, making ten characters and assigning each a zodiac. I can’t remember what I had settled on for Cutlass, but regardless, he was definitely supposed to be more fiesty. Then he started talking in-game, however, and the lovable coward was born. So long story short, what does his name represent to HIM? Something he wishes he could be; a heroic adventurer, weapon in hand, saving the day. But little does he know he shines in just as good a way.

19. Where in the world does [Echo] most want to visit?

Echo isn’t much of a geographer and hasn’t extensively studied the world map, not even Laerakond’s really, but she has definitely heard tales a plenty from Seabor. If she were to make a trek somewhere new, she’d want it to be entirely new. Everywhere in Laerakond sounds too similar. No, if she were to travel to new lands, she’d want it to be an entirely new continent. She’s a bit too hipster for Faerun, though, that’s too popular. She hasn’t dwelt on the idea too much, but Osse sounds perfect for her: far to the southeast on Torillian maps, it’s almost on the other side of the globe from Laerakond. It has just enough mystery and distance to pique her interest.

62. What is [Fouro]’s greatest achievement?

Protecting his family. He’s created a ton of impressive tchotskies. He created a bauble that was able to double the size of a building, for goodness sakes! And if you had asked him this question years ago, yeah, he could’ve given you a list of the magic items that he’s proudest of. But now, his greatest achievement is the fact that nine other warforged are alive and thriving in a big city. Every time he’s able to bring them together in any way it’s a new greatest achievement for him.

98. What advice would [Glancer] give to a younger version of themselves?

It’s funny, cause “younger version” in this case almost even means “two-months-ago-self”. Glancer would give themselves a lecture on reciprocity. You get back what you give out. Whatever you put out in the universe is what will come right back to you. Shroud yourself in illusion? You’re gonna have a hard time with trust. Surround yourself with art, though, and your world is going to light up. Selfless acts actually are worth it, in the end.

#long post #ask meme #soc

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spideymybucky · 5 years

Note

I’m not sure if your still taking requests or not, but I’m going to go ahead. Tom Holland x engaged!reader. Tom has just left to film FFH so it was just Tessa and you. Tessa started to get a little more protective but the reader just thought it was because Tom left. She never leaves your side. You find out your pregnant and it’s like all cute. You tell Tom, then after like so many months you tell all the guys. Harrison, Chris3, Robert. Even the parents. Maybe they have like twins or triplets????

1. Finding out

I’m gonna divide this into 3 parts, ok? Cause it’s long. Here’s the first one and I hope Y’all Like it. (1/3)

Having an actor as a boyfriend was hard. Most of the time, Tom would be gone to some part of the world. It didn’t bother you being separated at times, you had gotten used to it. When Tom was gone you would, spend time with Tess and his family, go out with friends, and continue with your every day routine.

But when Far From Home came along, it felt a bit harder to leave him. Production had started here in London and now they were moving else where, meaning you had spent more time together than the last couple of years. To top it all off, it had been a rough couple of weeks; you had gone down with he flu, work had been exceptionally hard and it was your last semester in Uni.

“It would be long, love.” He said looking at your paled-sick face. You nodded and laid back on your bed. Tom was worried about you, not entirely convinced that you had the flu. He would steal glances, scaring your body for any clue of your sickness. The only thing he got was the puffiness on your cheeks and the sensitivity of your boobs.

“Tom, could you stop staring? It’s getting annoying.” You mumbled out, not looking up from the phone.

“I’m just worried about you, (Y/n). It’s been two weeks and your still the same.” He said, closing his suitcase.

“Babe, it’s the flu. You get worse before you get better, promise.” Tom looked at you. He loved your (y/e/c) eyes, they were warm and welcoming. He strolled onto the bed and pulled you closer.

“Promise you’ll go to the doctor if you don’t get better?” He whispered on your ear. You turned around, facing him and smiled.

“Promise, Tommy.” You whispered back. He smiled down at you and kissed your lips. Moments like these were both your favorites. The cuddles, silence and warmth that engulfed you were amazing, until his phone rang and he had to leave.

You followed him towards the door, Tessa right behind both of you. You hugged, teared up and kissed your goodbyes, promising to call each other every night. You closed the door, retrieving to the sofa and sat there with Tessa, watching whatever was on T.V.

Throughout the week, you flu like symptoms kept on going. You would wake up heaving and going straight to the bathroom, and that would continue until the evenings. You would start to feel better around dinner time which, for some weird reason, made you hungrier than ever. You would eat take out, pizza, etc. You were pretty sure that didn’t help with he vomiting in the morning.

Tessa, around the end of the week, started acting strange. She started on Wednesday, following you around everywhere. If you went to the bathroom and left her out, she would freak out. You assumed it was because of Tom and the fact that he was gone, but by Friday it had gotten on your nerves. If you were out with her and someone would come closer, she would go into overdrive. It was to much to handle, so you called Nikki.

“Hey love, hadn’t heard from you in a while.” Her cheerful voice resonated.

“Hey, Nikki.”You managed to talk with a husky voice.

“You ok, love?” Her concern was immediately, you were practically part of the family already. Tom and you had been together for 3 years, and most of the time you’d spend it with his family.

“Yeah, I’ve just come down with something and tomorrow I have an appointment. Don’t worry about it Nikki.”

“I can come with you, (Y/n). I’ll meet you there tomorrow morning.” You stood up from the couch, and went to lay on the bed. Tessa, to much of your annoyance, followed you.

“Don’t worry about it. I just need you to babysit Tessa for me, she’s been acting up since Tom left and I know seeing you guys will calm her.” Tessa’s ears perked up, listening to what you were saying.

“I’ll tell the boys to go pick her up and we’re going to the doctor. AND, I’m NOT taking NO for an answer.” You laughed and agreed.

The next day came faster then expected. As if on time, you woke up running to the bathroom and emptying everything on your stomach. Tessa sat next to you, watching you suffer from a recurring wave os nausea. You stood up and brushed your teeth, took a bath and changed into Tom’s favorite sweater and a pair of leggings. At 9 am, Nikki had arrived with the boys. Sam and Harry grabbed Tessa, and took her out to the near by park. You smiled at them gratefully and looked at her, as she called herself, your mother-in-law.

“God, love, you look horrible. You sure you don’t have a fever? Have you eaten something?” Nikki rapidly asked you.

“No, no I haven’t eaten. I just can’t keep anything down, but when night rolls in I just feel ten times better and hell breaks loose cause I’m starving.” You responded while entering the lift.

“Maybe it’s the stomachful or you’re just dehydrated.” She answered quizzically.

“Maybe.” You mumbled out.

The ride to the hospital was smooth. You would get nauseas here and there, but nothing extreme. Nikki helped you out and into your appointment.

“Hello, Mrs. (y/l/n) What brings you here today?” Doctor Bennett, asked.

“I’ve just been sick all week, for the last three weeks. It’ll start in the morning with nausea and as they day goes it’ll move to exhaustion and by the end of they day it’s all gone, but it keeps repeating itself.” She looked at you and nodded.

“When was your last period?” You looked at her confused and realized you hadn’t gotten it. It blew over your mind with the way you were feeling and Tom leaving. You took out your phone and pressed the period app, stating you were 15 days late.

“Last month…” you mumbled out.

“We’re gonna get to the bottom of this, sometimes when your dehydrated or your body has drastic change, your period changes, but just in case were are gonna need a pee sample.” She gave you a small pee cup, a picture of water and left. Nikki stood there and smiled.

“Thinking about it, these were the same symptoms I had with the twins.” She slowly said, grabbing your hand.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” You looked up at her in fear.

“Lets tackle this one step at a time, ok? First drink up and go to the bathroom” Her soothing voice calmed you. You nodded and drank the water, minutes later you went and peed. The nurse came and collected it, after talking a blood sample.

You had never thought of having kids. Ok, maybe a bit with Tom, you would dream about the big house, trying for a baby after the wedding, after he proposed and his career had stabilized. But right now, was it a good time? Were your ready for this? It was your last semester, you were starting a new job, you had a one bedroom flat and Tom was going to be gone for the rest of the year. He had press and the premiere of End Game, soon. How did this happen?

“Your urine and blood results are in Mrs. (Y/l/n), congratulations you’re pregnant.” Dr. Bennett smiled. Nikki grabbed your hand and started stroking your back.

“Wow…” was the only thing you were capable of mumbling out.

“Well, transfer these results to your OB/GYN, which I believe is Mr. Fletcher, right?” You nodded and just sat there. The vomiting, craving, and exhaustion made sense now and how Tessa was acting, too. She knew before any of you did. But, how the hell were you going to tell Tom.

“… Ok, I don’t now exactly how far along you are. I suspect maybe 3 to 4 weeks, but you’ll have to get an appointment with your OB/GYN and also an ultrasound.” You nodded and nodded. Nothing coming out of your mouth. Nikki smiled, and thanked the doctor before lightly dragging you out and into the car.

“Hey, honey, it’s ok. Everything’s ok, this is amazing news.” She repeated over and over. You looked at her teary eyed.

“Oh god, I’m gonna have to tell Tom. I-We might be having a baby.” You smiled out.

“I’m going to be a grandma.” Nikki laughed,

“I’m going to be a mom” You mumbled out, touching your flat stomach.

#caswinchester2000 #Mica Answers #tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #spiderman: ffh #tom holland imagine

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mackloveswriting · 6 years

Text

Royal Pain - Tom Holland [3]

Summary: Y/N has just turned 21 and she is fixing to go through her coranation to become Queen as her grandmother steps down. One problem, she must be married before she can take her place as Queen. She has 30 days to find a guy to marry before her crown gets handed down to the man who wants to steal her Crown, Tom

Requested: No.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Fem! Princess Reader

Warnings: Arranged marriage, cheating. The POV will switch from Grammer like “Y/N” to “You.” Sometimes it will switch to “I and we” as well.

Based off “Princess Diaries 2” Since I’ve been watching it recently. This is obviously an AU

“Lord Holland will be here soon.” The Queen said as she walked into the room that you were standing in. You were mentally complaining about how you have to meet the guy who wants to take your crown. “The by count is not staying just the nephew. Joseph, I want you to protect him and keep an eye on him at all times.” She said as she walked over to you.

You had previously had your head tilted over and was trying to fluff out your hair. “Oh, Hello.” You greeted your grandmother. “So is this alright to welcome The by count and his nephew?” You asked as you spun around for her.

“Very appropriate.” She told you as you faced the mirror that hung on the wall. “And for tea.” She added as you sighed.

“Ugh, I can’t believe that parliament invited the guy who’s trying to steal the throne to stay with us at the palace.” You complained as you finished your finishing touches.

“Parliament didn’t invite him.” Your grandma told you, “I did.” She added as you gave her a look.

“Wha-“ You states as you spun around But was to shocked by what you heard.

“I offered to have him hung by his toes in our courtyard.” Joe told you as he excused himself so he could lead the two people in.

“Well, yeah what about joe’s suggestion?” You asked as joe left the room to go get the two guests.

You grandma let out a sigh, “we don’t need any mischief going on. I prefer it be right under my nose.” She said as she sat down in her chair.

“I just so don’t wanna be nice to this guy.” You told your grandma as you paced slowly in front of her. “You know? I mean, he’s rude, he’s arrogant, self-centered—“ she cut you off before you could make a long list of insults.

“Have you ever actually met him?” She asked as she gave you a look.

You scoffed, before hesitating. “No.” You answered.

“Neither have I.” She answered about the meeting him part.

“Yeah, But he probably is grandma. I mean, all the sudden out of no where.. he wants to He the king of Haelan. What is that about?” You asked as you looked at the floor.

You grandma shrugged, “Oh, Tosh.” She said and she made hand gestures. “Whatever He is we will becharm itself and present ourselves with Grace and Poise.”

“I now announce, by account Maybry and Lord Holland.” The guard said as Joe led them in. You let out a scoff before you could see them but stood up straight and talk with your grandma.

“Your majesty, your highness.” By account Maybry greeted as he kissed the Queens hand. You and Lord Holland locked eyes before realization occurred to you. “May I introduce my nephew, Lord Thomas Holland.” He announced causing you to look down at the ground with wide eyes.

“Thomas,” Your grandma stared as Tom grabbed her had. “We are pleasured to make your acquaintance.”

“Pleasure is all mine.” He said as he kissed your grandma’s hand. His accent sounds just like everyone who lives around here, seeing as Haelan isn’t very far from London. You were the only American one here. “And thank you so much for allowing me to stay at the palace.”

“May I present my granddaughter princess y/n/n.” Your grandmother said as you refused to look at the guy who you flirted with at the gathering. You smiled but not towards his face.

“Your highness.” He said softly with a bow, without looking at him, you could sense the smug look on his face.

“Y/N, would you care to welcome our guest?” Your grandma asked as you sighed before facing forward.

You walked forward and grabbed his hands, Lord Thomas.” You said with a fake smile right before you lifted your foot and stopped on his foot on purpose this time. You then turned around and stormed off towards the kitchen.

“She always does that.” Thomas said to your grandma as he leaned against the table that was holding decorations.

“I will personally get some ice for that foot and I will be with you as quickly as I possibly can.” Queen Marie told Thomas as she walked off towards the kitchen to find you and get some ice for the guy.

“An accident.” Queen Marie’s security told Tom’s uncle.

“Of course.” He replied with ice in his eyes, “she’s training to be a flamingo dancer.” He states before walking off to join his nephew.

While everything was unfolding, you were sitting in the kitchen and eating the ice cream that the chef’s had given you. Vanilla wasn’t your favorite, but it’s what they offer so you took it.

Grabbing a huge spoon full, you took a bite, “would you care to explain what was going on out there?” Your grandmother asked as you grabbed a huge bit on your spoon again.

“Sorry.” You mumbled as as took another bite before quickly swallowing it. “I, Uh, have met Lord Thomas.” You told her as she looked surprised. “Actually, yep, at the ball. Didn’t know who he was.” You kept rambling. “So, Uh, we danced and I flirted. I feel so stupid right now.” You sighed looking away from your grandma.

“As your Queen, I absolute cannot condone it.” Your grandma said as she sat down beside of you. “As your grandma, I say ‘right on’.” You gave her a thankful smile as you continued eating your ice cream. “Now, if you’ll come with me I have something to show you.” You got up with your ice cream still in hand before she stopped you. “I think you can leave that right there.”

You sighed before placing the small pint tub of ice cream down, “I’ll be back later.” You told the chef’s as they gave you smiles and nods before returning to work. You got up and followed your grandma through the palace.

“The renovations for your suite are complete. They should’ve been ready for you when you arrived. Unfortunately, we asked Rupert’s cousin to do the bathroom and it’s a good lesson because belongs in the arts, not in plumbing.” She told you as two guards opened your door and you were welcomed with a huge suite.

Everything that you would need could be found in here. “This is your very own suite.” She added as you two walked in.

“Are you serious?” You asked her as you gave her a hopeful smile. “This is my room?” You asked as you looked around.

“Yes.” You’re grandma replied.

“Oh, grandma.” You started as you kept looking over everything. “This is very nice.” You sighed as you sat down on the couch. “This is so cool!” You exclaimed as you jumped on the bed.

“There’s more.” Your grandma said as you gave her a look and you two stood by what seemed to be a door. She handed you a universal remote and you clicked what button she told you to. The doors opened to reveal a lovely walk in closet. “Is that mine?”

Your granama laughed at your face, “What don’t you go and find out?” She suggested.

“Okay,” you agreed as shock was still written all over your face. “I have my own mall.” You said as you walked farther into the neat closet. You walked around and seen everything. All the shoes that were laying on shoe racks that had been neatly and beautifully mounted in the wall. Cabinets that opened to the buttons you pushed on your remote. Jewels that had been in the palace for a long time were placed in some cabinets. Just everything that a girl could want to have was hanging or laying in the neat and organized closet.

“I have another surprise.” Your grandma said as she led you over to a closet and opened it. The clothes inside were beautiful but nothing compared to things that you already seen.

“They’re gorgeous grandma, but kind of a let down after the crown.. I’m not gonna lie-” You got cut off when you felt someone poke your side. You let out a small yelp before turning around to the person that was the reason for the tickle. You screamed when you seen your best friend step out of the closet as you pulled her into a hug. “You’re here!” You exclaimed.

“I know.” She told you just as excited.

“You’re in Haelan.” You stated as you seen the other only person from America here with you.

“I know.” She stated as she calmed down.

“You’re in my closet.” You told her as she nodded. “You’re blonde.” You stated confused. “I’m blonde,” your best friend confirmed. “It’s so good to see you.” You told her as you hugged her again. Your grandma excused herself so she could let you two catch up and so you could tell her about the marriage.

“Oh, by the way.. I’m getting married.” You told her as her face turned to confused.

“to who?” She asked as you gave her a sheepish look.

“I don’t know.” You told her.

After a long time catching up, day had turned to night and you were in the screening room looking at the guys that you could pick to be your husband. Not exactly how you wanted to get married, you had dreamed of falling in love. It was not even based on looks or anything, but the fact that you were in love. In an arranged marriage in Haelan it’s all about family, looks, and achievements. “omg, yes! yes, yes, yes.. I accept.”

“Prince William, he’s not eligible because he’s in line for his own crown.” Sheri told you as you sighed and accepted the popcorn she handed you. “if he’s not eligible then why is he on the list?” the security, Joe asked. “I just love looking at him.” Sheri said as all of you, except Joe agreed.

After a bunch of guys, your grandma sighed as she got up. “No, we need someone young, someone titled, someone who can help you run a country without their ego getting in the way, and stay by your side.” She sighed “someone attractive, smart, but not arrogant. someone with compassion.” she added as someone who looked like what she described came on the screen.

“someone like him?” You asked as you seen the name ‘Harrison Osterfield, Duke of Kenilworth. Residence: England, Age: 21, Hobbies: photography, travel.’

“Yes! someone very much like him. Good choice, y/n/n. I wonder why I didn’t think of him before.” Your grandma told you as Sheri started speaking.

“Harrison Osterfield, Duke of Kenilworth.” Sheri told you as you looked at the screen with a small smile. “well, he looks.. descent.” you mumbled with a small smirk as you looked at the screen. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[-Hello! I finally added Harrison... so this wasn’t as long as I was planning on making it but I decided to put the other part into Part 4, but I will be writing as much as I can tonight and tomorrow because my school starts back Thursday. But I will try to pre-write all the chapters!]

Requests are open {I answer them between chapters}

If you want to vote for what series I should write next, click here.

Let me know if you want to be tagged. {I will only allowed tag requests while I am writing this. Once my last part goes up, I will no longer accept them.}

Tag List

Permanent Tags: @averyrogers83 @a44winchester

Royal Pain Tags: @bookgirlunicorn @royalestrellas @embrace-themagic @pignolithecookie @richiethotzierz @tomshufflepuff @smexylemony @super-slick-side-kick @heyhayhayyyy @cierrajhill @leasly @crimsonredcoco @untoldshortsofthefandoms @15-shades-of-fangirl @spider-strange-iron-loki @irelad0703 @akaduds @clockblobber @-thatgirloverthere- @tearsforhan @ive-got-some-lies-to-tell @let-me-luve-you

#tom holland #tom holland imagines #tom holland icons #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x peter parker #tom holland x oc #peter parker #peter parker imagine #steve rogers x peter parker #peter parker imagines #peter parker x reader

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eldritchsurveys · 5 years

Text

151.

What would you do, if you encountered a Dalek? >> I have no idea. I haven’t watched nearly enough Doctor Who to know the proper thing to do in case of Dalek.

Do you enjoy good food or do you prefer to constantly watch what you eat? >> I definitely choose my food based on taste and enjoyment as well as nutritional value; it’s basically a good thing that I gravitate towards more nutritionally robust food naturally, because otherwise I’d probably be in the same boat as a lot of people (letting nutrition fall by the wayside in pursuit of That Good-Food Feel). It’s an understandable boat to be in and I don’t begrudge people their junkfood/fast-food habits at all.

Is there any snow where you live? And where do you live, exactly? >> Not right now, thank god.

Are you excited that spring is on its way? >> It isn’t.

Is there a website you frequent the most? >> I guess this one.

What would you most likely do, if your computer suddenly froze? >> If it BSODs, then I just let it do its thing (it restarts itself in that case). If it just freezes in place, then I wait a minute and if nothing happens (and I can’t get a response from Ctrl-Alt-Del or anything else), force a restart with the power button.

Which OS (operating system) are you using? >> Windows 10.

Have you ever seen the inside of a computer? If yes, can you name any of the components? >> Yeah, because I open it up to clean the fan out every so often. I can point out a few of the components, but not all of them.

What is your favourite gaming console/system? >> I prefer PC gaming.

If you only had one week to live, what would you do? >> I don’t know. I can’t imagine that situation.

Do you know what IRC is? >> Vaguely.

If you were stranded on an island, what one object would you want with you? >> I mean... I’m just gonna say a ship. I know that also comes with complications (no crew, etc), but I’m not really in the mood to be serious about it.

How often do you listen to music? >> Pretty often.

If you could get a new phone right now, would you/which kind? >> I’d really rather not.

Have you ever cut your own hair? >> I cut my own hair regularly.

Could you live without a TV? >> Sure.

Back to the very first question, do you even know what a Dalek is? >> More or less.

Is there someone special in your life? >> There are several.

Do you want to get married one day? >> It’s in the plan, either way.

Is anyone close to you pregnant right now? >> No.

Do you want children? If yes, how many and why? If not, why not? >> One would be fine, I suppose.

If you could spend the rest of your life with someone, who would it be? >> Sparrow.

What is the most important thing in your life? >> I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it like that.

What would be your dream job? >> None.

When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grow up? Do you still want to be that? >> I had some vague ideas, but nothing serious.

What is your biggest dream? >> I don’t have one.

What are some of the things on your Bucket List? >> I don’t keep a bucket list.

Do you have any pets? If yes, what? If not, why not? >> No. Sparrow has a cat and that’s quite enough, tbh.

If you could go anywhere in the whole world, where would you like to go? >> Anywhere, I suppose. I’m not picky.

What has been the worst thing that's happened to you? >> I don’t know.

If you had the chance, would you start your life entirely over? >> No. That concept gives me the hives.

What is your view on abortion? >> I support legalised abortion.

What about birth control? >> I support free/affordable birth control.

Over-population? >> I am not knowledgeable enough about ecology and biodiversity and related disciplines to know exactly how dire human overpopulation is.

Racism? >> I think it’s absurd and I am quite tired of dealing with it.

Homophobia? >> Ditto.

Bullying? Have you ever been bullied yourself or have you bullied someone? >> I was bullied as a child. I think it will continue to be a problem until adults start taking it seriously (and focus more on teaching compassion and consequences for anti-social behaviour rather than teaching bullied children that “bullying just happens and you should just ignore it”).

What do you think of people, who choose NOT to have children? >> I think that’s great, and they should have their choice respected.

Do you think euthanasia (assisted suicide) is acceptable? If not, why not? >> I do think it’s acceptable.

What about suicide? If not, why not? >> I think that’s ultimately acceptable too, as a fact of existence -- obviously that’s a loaded answer, and I’m not at all suggesting people just kill themselves, but I don’t think it helps anyone (including suicidal people) to stigmatise it. If someone’s pain is so great that they can’t imagine living with it, then that’s something that deserves attention -- if their pain is unable to be mitigated, then what do you suggest they do, keep living with it for the sake of other people? It’s just... such a complicated issue.

Do you know anyone with a severe mental illness? >> Yes.

What is your view on teenage pregnancy? >> I don’t have an opinion. It happens, and the teens in question should be supported in their time of need instead of kicked out of their homes and burdened with guilt and shame.

What about sex before marriage? >> Fine with me.

In your opinion, what is the ideal age to start having sex? >> I don’t have an opinion on this.

What about the ideal age to start drinking? >> Or this.

What do you think of smoking? >> I don’t really think about it. It’s just another thing we humans do.

What about people, who listen to their mp3-players in public? >> Most people use headphones, so it’s fine.

Are you afraid of global warming? If yes, why? If not, why not? >> I’m not afraid of climate change, because it’s difficult for me to conceptualise in the long-term. But I understand the anxiety.

Do you believe the world will end in 2012? Why/why not? >> Hah!

Aren't surveys, that ask favourites, this'n'that etc. questions, annoying? >> No.

Aren't you just as tired as me writing all your basic info in surveys? >> No.

What's the most important factor for you when choosing a survey to take? >> Whether I’ve taken it in recent memory.

Have you ever made a fool of yourself in front of someone you like? If yes, what did you do? >> I mean, maybe at some point, but I sure don’t remember it now. As it goes.

Don't you think that sunglasses they sell today look ridiculous? >> No.

What is something that annoys you very, very much? >> The super-bass some people have in their vehicles. I can feel it in my bones and that’s an experience I’d rather choose to have (like at a concert), not have forced upon me.

Do you like long car rides? If yes, what makes them fun? If not, why not? >> I used to like them a lot more, but now I get really antsy and stifled-feeling after a while (especially if the windows are closed). I’m just not as used to the long car ride experience anymore.

Have you ever been on a plane? If yes, where did you go? If not, why not? >> Yes, quite a few times.

Have you ever been on a cruise ship? If yes, how many times? If not, why haven't you? >> No. Because it’s not affordable and I don’t regard it as a priority anyway.

Do you know any of your neighbours? >> No.

Do you ever shop online? If yes, which stores? >> Sure, Etsy and Amazon and the like. Sometimes other places.

Are there any animals or insects that absolutely scare you? >> Probably, but I can’t think of any right now.

If you could have absolutely anything right now, what would you want? >> I’m fine.

What is the most stupid thing you have ever heard anybody say? >> I don’t know.

Are you allergic to anything? >> Nope.

Have you ever done anything that would be considered illegal? >> Yep.

Did you ever go to kindergarten? >> I did, for half a year. (I started out in pre-K at the typical age, and then halfway through the year they were like “this kid is too advanced for pre-K so we’ll just bump them up to the kindergarten class now” and that’s how I ended up being consistently younger than my peers for the rest of my school career.)

Did you/do you like school? When did you/will you graduate? >> I did not enjoy school. I graduated in 2004.

How do you handle a situation you desperately want to get out of? >> It really depends on the situation. For most of them I just find my way out (I’ve definitely straight-up walked out of places before, in the middle of things, because I couldn’t deal with it.)

Who is the weirdest person you have ever met? >> I don’t know.

Would you say your family is ordinary or somehow crazy? >> I don’t know how ordinary they are. I will say, if they’re ordinary, then that’s pretty depressing.

If a stranger asked for money, would you give them any? >> Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.

What do you think of 90s girl- and boybands? >> I like some of them.

What about today's pop music? >> I like some of it.

Do you enjoy any form of art? >> Of course.

What would be absolutely the worst job ever? >> I don’t know.

Do you need a daily caffeine fix? >> No.

Are you a Pepsi or a Coca-Cola person? >> Neither.

Are you a cake or a bisquit (cookie) person? >> Neither.

Do you see the positive or the negative side of things mostly? >> I’m more inclined to optimism than pessimism, unless I’m depressed.

Do you ever boycott anything popular? >> No.

Do you still live with your parents or have you flown out of the nest? If you've flown out of the nest, when did you move out from home? >> I left home the first time at 17, and officially left at 18.

Do you live on your own or with someone else/do you share a room? >> I live with Sparrow.

How old is the eldest member of your family? >> I don’t know, probably in their mid-eighties or early nineties.

Who in your entire family do you get along with the best? >> ---

Do you enjoy reading books? >> Yes.

Or do you prefer magazines? >> I also like those, I just read them much less frequently.

What do you think is the biggest waste of time? >> I don’t know, I don’t really think of things like that.

What is the most disgusting thing you've eaten? >> I’m not sure. Hospital food? Ha. (The two hospitals I stayed in in North Carolina had pretty good food for being hospitals, though, I must say.)

Do you still have any of the stuffed animals you had as a child? >> Nope. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to still have stuff from childhood.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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nanenna · 6 years

Text

Mystery Machine Mishap!

Chapter 3: A New Routine

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 4

Fandom: Undertale Rating: General Audiences Pairing: None Summary: There was an accident at the Lab and now Papyrus is left trying to take care of Sans as a toddler while Alphys tries to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it. To say Papyrus is unprepared is not just an understatement, it’s downright fact. But Papyrus is determined to be the best big brother ever, even better than Sans is when he’s the older on.

As usual, also available to read on fanfiction.net or AO3 under the same name. (links not included because that messes with the search function)

Nearly a week had gone by. Papyrus found that his days fell into a rhythm as he cared for his little big brother. He couldn’t help but feel forgotten by Alphys, she hadn’t called since that first day, she barely updated her Undernet profile anymore, and even Undyne hadn’t heard much from the reclusive scientist. Papyrus wanted to take it as a good sign, that it meant Alphys was working hard on fixing the machine and getting Sans back to normal. But at the same time he would have liked to hear from her. So after laying Sans down for his afternoon nap, Papyrus pulled up the doctor’s contact info and started a call.

“H-hello?”

“HELLO, DR. ALPHYS!”

“Oh! P-Papyrus! What are you… why are you… what’s g-going on?”

“I WANTED TO FIND OUT HOW YOU ARE DOING. UNDYNE TELLS ME YOU SOMETIMES FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND I WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE EATING AND RESTING REGULARLY.”

“Oh, um… it’s fine. I’m fine, Undyne has been over often to make sure I uh… don’t get lost in my work?? She really wants to help me as much as she can, she says with both you and Sans uh… out of commission th-that the sentry stations are really falling apart.”

“OH DEAR, I WAS SO BUSY TAKING CARE OF SANS THAT I DIDN’T EVEN THINK ABOUT HOW MANY SENTRY STATIONS WERE GOING UNMANNED!”

“Y-yeah, I don’t think Undyne has replacements for you either. She wants you both to have jobs waiting for you when uh… when I eventually m-m-manage to fix things.”

“THAT IS THE OTHER REASON I WAS CALLING, I WAS HOPING YOU WOULD TELL ME HOW THINGS ARE GOING. HAVE YOU FINISHED DECIPHERING THE NOTES? HOW BADLY IS THE MACHINE BROKEN?”

“I’ve uh… I’m almost halfway through the notes! I had to use the other blueprints and notes that Sans had already deciphered for me to try and make a cipher for these notes. At first it seemed like it was just a straight one for one alphabet replacement and would be fairly simple, but not all of the translations Sans has written out match up. I was starting to wonder if there were some shifting going on, some sort of extra key I’d need but don’t have, but when I applied the cipher I had first developed to the already translated notes I realized that Sans was summarizing a lot of this stuff, so my cipher actually works! It’s going faster now that I’ve figured that out, the only hard part is just how messy the handwriting is. Whoever wrote all this down has just the worst handwriting!”

“SO NOW THAT YOU HAVE A CIPHER, THINGS WILL MOVE QUICKER? HOW MUCH LONGER DO YOU THINK IT WILL TAKE?”

“Oh, w-well… like I said the handwriting is very m-messy so I have to keep going back and correcting my translations, w-which means my translations are g-getting messy too and uh… even after I finish t-translating all these I still have to start work on the machine itself so uh… it might take a w-while yet.”

“THAT IS FINE, I WOULD RATHER YOU TAKE THINGS SLOW AND GET IT RIGHT THAN TO RUSH AND HAVE AN ACCIDENT YOURSELF!”

“Y-yeah, that’d be just… just awful!” Alphys laughed nervously.

“WELL THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME, DR. ALPHYS. GOOD LUCK!”

“Oh! Okay then, g-good luck to you too! With uh… with little Sans that is. I m-mean, I’m sure you’re taking great c-care of him. And uh… okaygottagohaveagooddaybye!”

There was a faint click as the call abruptly ended, then Papyrus scrolled through his contacts. He hadn’t put much thought into what he was about to do, but it just felt right. Papyrus hit the call button.

“Hey dork!” Undyne’s voice greeted him.

“HELLO UNDYNE!”

“So what’s going on, the little squirt doing okay?”

“OH SANS IS FINE, HE’S DOWN FOR A NAP RIGHT NOW. I WAS JUST TALKING TO DR. ALPHYS AND SHE REMINDED ME THAT I HAVE BEEN TERRIBLY NEGLECTFUL OF MY DUTIES EVER SINCE THE ACCIDENT.”

“Well yeah, you have a baby to take care of. A literal baby! That’s a lot of work!”

“A TODDLER, BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE TO NEGLECT MY DUTIES AS A SENTRY! SO TOMORROW I’M GOING TO RESUME MY DUTIES. I’M AFRAID THERE IS NOT MUCH WE CAN DO ABOUT SANS, BUT I CAN AT LEAST RE-CALIBRATE MY PUZZLES, DO MY PATROLS, AND WATCH OUT FOR HUMANS LIKE I’M SUPPOSED TO!”

“Well, if you’re sure...”

“DON’T WORRY, I HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL! NYEH HEH HEH!” Papyrus hit the end call button, then decided to go upstairs and check on Sans. When he got to the top of the stairs his eye sockets were drawn to the end of the hallway where Sans was staring up at the blank wall, one elbow up which probably meant his thumb was in his mouth again, and a bright orange dinosaur plush toy dragging limply from his other hand. “SANS? WHAT RE YOU DOING OVER THERE?”

Sans turned around at Papyrus’s voice, then slowly toddled over to the taller skeleton and raised his arms to be picked up. Papyrus obligingly picked Sans up and cuddled him close. “WHAT IS IT, BROTHER?”

“i miss daddy.” Sans sniffled as he clung to Papyrus, “where daddy?”

“DADDY IS…” Papyrus hesitated, unsure what exactly to tell Sans, “DADDY IS AWAY. RIGHT NOW.” There, that was close enough to the truth. He didn’t want to outright lie to Sans, but he also had no idea how to tell the toddler that he had no idea where their father was or even if he was still alive at all. Papyrus couldn’t remember it, but he was fairly certain their father had Fallen Down a long time ago. He sighed as he rocked the clinging toddler. “I’M SURE HE MISSES YOU AS MUCH AS YOU MISS HIM.”

Sans made an indistinct noise as he buried his face into Papyrus’s shoulder. Well, the only thing to do was to distract him. “WHY DON’T WE GET SOME STURDY CLOTHES ON AND GO OUTSIDE TO PLAY IN THE SNOW? WE CAN BUILD A SNOWMAN!” Papyrus suggested enthusiastically.

Sans gave a small nod, he did like building snowmen with Papyrus.

The next day, after breakfast was finished and the dishes were washed and put away, Papyrus dressed Sans in the warmest clothes they had. Papyrus knew it didn’t really matter, that Sans wouldn’t even feel the cold, but it made him feel better anyway. Papyrus also pulled out one of the things Gerson had sent over: a toddler leash. Papyrus hadn’t felt the need for it yet, he had stayed pretty close to Sans so far or carried the toddler whenever they went somewhere far. But while he was on patrol and re-calibrating his puzzles… Papyrus attached it to Sans, then clipped the other end to his belt.

“TODAY, SANS, WE ARE FINALLY GOING BACK TO WORK. I WILL RE-CALIBRATE ALL OF OUR PUZZLES! AND WE WILL GO ON PATROL! AND WE WILL BE PRODUCTIVE! TOGETHER!”

“yay!” Sans cheered, and Papyrus was so happy to see Sans be enthusiastic about work for once!

“LET’S GO!” Papyrus took Sans outside and they set off. Papyrus knew they had a lot of ground to cover, so he was striding along at his usual, speedy pace.

“pappus! pappus wait!” Sans’s little legs couldn’t keep up. He tried running after Papyrus, tripped, and fell flat on his face.

Papyrus stopped and went back to pick him up, but Sans was already sniffling and whining about the snow in his orbits and nasal cavity. “NOW, NOW, YOU’RE SUCH A BIG MONSTER! NO NEED TO CRY!” Papyrus gently brushed the snow form his brother’s face, then picked Sans up. “WHY DON’T I CARRY YOU TO THE PUZZLES, THEN WE CAN RE-CALIBRATE THEM TOGETHER!” Sans simply nodded as he snuggled into his brother’s arms.

As Papyrus continued to walk Sans perked up and began looking around in interest, he hadn’t been brought past the ‘Welcome to Snowdin’ sign. Not since the accident, anyway. The scenery quickly became boring, just more of the same snow and trees as the town without interesting buildings to break it up. Sans settled into Papyrus’s arms and let himself be carried. Soon they came to the first puzzle, the slippery Xs and Os one. Re-calibrating it was always a challenge for Papyrus, even without a toddler along for the ride, but Papyrus refused to be defeated. He deftly skated across the ice with Sans in one arm and soon had it calibrated perfectly.

“THERE, SEE? I KNEW WE COULD DO IT!”

“’m bored,” Sans whined.

“WELL THAT IS BECAUSE YOU COULD NOT HELP WITH THIS PUZZLE. I AM SURE THE NEXT ONE WILL BE FAR MORE ENTERTAINING. IN FACT, AFTER I RE-CALIBRATE IT YOU SHOULD TRY SOLVING IT!”

Sans nodded, unsure how exciting that really would be.

Papyrus easily stepped over the spikes to the next puzzle and set Sans down. He started working on the puzzle, leaving Sans to his own devices. The toddler ran back and forth over the tiles until all the ones in the leash’s reach were triangles, then he stomped about in the snow. After that grew boring, he picked up a handful of snow and dropped it onto Papyrus’s back as the taller skeleton knelt over the tiles.

“SANS, PLEASE! I’M WORKING!”

Sans huffed, plopped his coccyx in the snow and crossed his arms. He was now thoroughly bored and his brother was ignore him. After a while that got boring too, so Sans got up and ran to the end of his leash, then zigzagged around Papyrus.

Papyrus finally finished with the tile he was working on and got up to move onto the next one. When he stood he immediately lost his balance and fell face first into the snow. There was something caught around his ankles. Papyrus managed to push himself half up and get a look at what had happened: he was completely tangled up in the leash.

“SANS! WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

Sans just looked up at him with the biggest grin across his face. Papyrus sighed, then untangled himself. He did a quick check of his inventory, he had taken to keeping a couple toys in there for when he needed a quick distraction for Sans. Oh good, he had a pail and little plastic shovel set in there. “HERE SANS, WHY DON’T YOU BUILD A SNOW CASTLE?”

“okay.” Sans took the offered toys and plopped down in the snow. With a sigh of relief Papyrus returned to re-calibrating his puzzle.

“THERE, ALL RE-CALIBRATED! NOW, ONTO THE NEXT PUZZLE.” Sans didn’t resist as Papyrus picked him up and carried him over the spikes to the next puzzle. Having learned from his mistake, Papyrus decided to attach the leash to a nearby tree so Sans couldn’t tangle him up again. Though this shouldn’t take long, this puzzle was much simpler than the one he had just finished.

It turned out this puzzle had taken some damage the more complex puzzle hadn’t. Not only did Papyrus have to re-calibrate it, he had to thaw and repair it first. Eventually everything was finished and the puzzle was good as new. Papyrus dusted off his hands in satisfaction as he looked down at the puzzle. “THERE, ALL DONE! DO YOU WANT TO TRY SOLVING THIS ONE, SANS?” Papyrus turned to where he had left the toddler, “SANS?” The toddler harness was abandoned in the snow, the leash still attached to the tree. “SANS!” Papyrus ran over to the tree, little footprints lead further up the path. Papyrus thanked his lucky stars that today it wasn’t snowing and the tracks were untouched.“IT’S OKAY,” Papyrus told himself as he followed the tiny little footprints, “SANS WON’T BE ABLE TO GET PAST THE SPIKES AT THE NEXT PUZZLE, HE’S TOO SMALL!”

A surge of panic welled up in Papyrus’s chest, the spikes to the next puzzle were down. It needed to be re-calibrated. And Sans’s footprints lead right through the thin layer of snow over the retracted spikes. Papyrus tried not to panic as he kept following the footprints, then a noise caught his attention. It sounded like something was whining and… snuffling? Breathing of some kind, and lots of it. He looked around the next tree and found a pile of dogs gathered around a happily squealing babybones.

“puppy!” Sans declared as he tried to pet Doggo, Dogamy, and Dogaressa all at once.

(Puppy!) Dogaressa agreed as she happily wagged her tail and sniffed at Sans’s hands.

“SANS! THERE YOU ARE! YOU HAD ME WORRIED SICK!” Papyrus ran over and picked Sans up, cuddling his babybones brother close. “DON’T EVER WANDER OFF LIKE THAT AGAIN!”

“Hello Papyrus!” The three dogs greeted as they all rolled onto their feet and got up.

Dogamy held up a paw in greeting, “Why is Sans out here?”

(… so far from town?) Dogaressa continued.

“I’M WATCHING HIM, OF COURSE!”

Dogamy and Dogaressa looked at each other, then back at Papyrus. “Make sure to keep an eye on the little pup.”

(We wouldn’t want him to get lost.)

“I KNOW,” Papyrus assured. “HE CAN BE QUITE THE SLIPPERY SNAIL SOMETIMES, BUT I AM KEEPING A VERY CAREFUL EYE SOCKET ON HIM.”

“Hmmm...” Dogamy hummed to himself, but otherwise said nothing.

Doggo pulled out a dog treat and started to light it, only to be smacked by Dogaressa. (Not near the puppy!)

“Alright, alright. Sheesh!” Doggo turned and started wandering towards his sentry station.

“WELL, I’VE GOT MORE ROUNDS TO DO AND PUZZLEs TO RE-CALIBRATE.”

“We’ll see you later,” Dogamy called.

“SAY GOODBYE TO THE DOGGIES, SANS.”

“bye bye, I love you!”

There was a gasp, followed by, (“We love you too”) as Papyrus carried Sans away.

The rest of Papyrus’s shift went off without a hitch, he managed to keep Sans busy or distracted enough to not wander off again. After stopping off at home to feed Sans and grab a few more snacks and toys, Papyrus carried Sans towards Waterfall.

“gun?” Sans asked as they entered the damp caverns.

“NO, WE’RE NOT GOING TO VISIT GERSON TODAY. WE’RE GOING TO GO SEE AUNTY UNDYNE.”

“aunty!” Sans yelled happily and threw his arms up in the air.

Undyne was waiting for them outside her house, foot tapping impatiently as they entered the little nook her house was tucked in. “Papyrus,” Undyne grit out angrily.

“HELLO UNDYNE, WE’RE HERE FOR MY WARRIOR TRAINING!”

Undyne ground her teeth, “Papyrus I just… I can’t believe you!”

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND, WHAT DON’T YOU BELIEVE?” Sans started fussing as Papyrus stared at Undyne in confusion.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’D DO SOMETHING SO… SO..!” Rather than finish her sentence, Undyne yelled at the cavern roof. Sans hid his face in Papyrus’s shoulder, his bones started rattling. “You took a small child with you out into the middle of the woods while you were WORKING! And what’s more, YOU LOST HIM! Do you have any idea how lucky you are the Dogi found him?!” Papyrus tried to speak but Undyne just kept going. “What if the Dogi hadn’t found him? What if someone dangerous had? Or what if he had fallen off one of those cliffs? What would you have done if he had gotten lost in the woods and you couldn’t find him?!”

“THAT’S-”

“And then you brought him to WARRIOR TRAINING?! Papyrus! You can’t bring a toddler to warrior training! He’s a toddler for the Angel’s sake!”

“UNDYNE, YOU’RE SCARING SANS.” Papyrus ran a soothing hand up and down the trembling toddler’s spine.

“He shouldn’t even be here right now. And if you can’t get someone to take care of him for you, neither should you!”

Papyrus’s jaw opened and closed a few times, then he turned and walked away. The walk home was much slower, Papyrus kept pausing every now and then to whisper comforting words to the still trembling toddler in his arms. One of those times was next to the bridge seed puzzle, and Sans finally responded.

“aunty meeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaan!” He wailed loudly, then burst into big, messy tears. Papyrus was relieved, if a little sad that is battle body was going to need to be washed again. The subdued trembling had stopped, and the wailing he knew how to handle. By the time they made it home Sans had quieted down to sniffles and muffled sobs that meant all Papyrus would have to do was clean him up and put on a cheerful face to distract him. Maybe put him down for a nap since he was overdue. “aunty mean,” Sans repeated once they were through the door.

“YES, UNDYNE WAS BEING QUITE FORCEFUL, BUT SHE ONLY YELLED LIKE THAT BECAUSE SHE REALLY CARES AND WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU.”

“aunty mean,” Sans insisted angrily.

“AND SHE WON’T BE AGAIN, BECAUSE I AM GOING TO TAKE EVEN BETTER CARE OF YOU THAN BEFORE, SO SHE WON’T HAVE A REASON TO WORRY LIKE THAT AGAIN! NOW! LET’S GET YOU CLEANED UP, IT CAN’T BE COMFORTABLE HAVING YOUR SKULL COVERED IN SNOT AND DRIED TEARS!” Sans huffed, but otherwise made no fuss as Papyrus carried him upstairs to get washed up.

The next morning Papyrus walked Sans over to the Libarby, careful to keep his steps slow and small so the toddler could keep up. Inside the librarian greeted Papyrus and Sans cheerfully, “And is Sans here for the daycare?”

“YES, I WAS TOLD I COULD LEAVE HIM WITH YOU WHILE I TEND TO MY DUTIES.”

“Of course,” the librarian chirped cheerfully, “we just need you to sign him in.” The librarian pushed a clipboard over to Papyrus, which he quickly filled out.

“OKAY SANS, BE GOOD FOR THE LIBRARIANS WHILE I’M GONE.”

“no!” Sans attached himself to Papyrus’s boot and glared up at the librarian.

“SANS, PLEASE!”

“Don’t you want to play with the other children?” The librarian’s question had Sans pausing to look up at her inquisitively. “You can walk him back, a lot of children get over their separation anxiety easier when they have other children to distract them.”

“GREAT IDEA! COME ALONG SANS, LET’S GO MEET THE OTHER CHILDREN YOU WILL BE SPENDING THE DAY WITH.” Sans allowed himself to be led into the back of the library where a few other young children were already playing with toys. A curious puppy trotted over to the new comers and sniffed at Sans.

“puppy!” Sans squealed happily before enthusiastically petting the puppy.

“Pets!” The puppy happily squealed back, their tail already thrashing about. Sans was so engrossed by his new playmate that he didn’t even notice Papyrus quietly sneaking away.

When Papyrus returned to pick Sans up that afternoon, Sans dropped the toy he had been holding and ran full tilt into Papyrus’s legs. “HELLO SANS, DID YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY PLAYING WITH THE OTHER CHILDREN?”

“missed you,” Sans grumbled as he clung to his bother’s legs.

“I MISSED YOU TOO, HOW ABOUT WE GO HOME NOW?”

“ok.” Sans held his arms up, refusing to budge until Papyrus picked him up.

“Don’t forget your drawings,” one of the librarians called as she held out a few papers to Papyrus.

“OH! I CAN’T WAIT TO LOOK AT THESE! I’LL PUT THEM RIGHT UP ON THE FRIDGE.” A big, excited grin was plastered over Papyrus’s face as he accepted the drawings.

Sans smiled bashfully and leaned his head against his brother’s shoulder, “love you, pappus.”

“I LOVE YOU TOO, SANS.” Papyrus dropped a kiss on top of Sans’s skull as they left the library.

Once home Sans refused to be put down, so Papyrus simply settled on the couch with Sans in his lap as he began looking through the drawings Sans had made. The first one was a lot of black shapes scribbled all over the page.

“WHAT’S THIS?”

“a bastard!” Sans replied as he pointed to one of the empty spots the black was scribbled around.

“A… A BASTARD?” Papyrus asked in disbelief.

“yeah! it goes bweeeeeeeen!” Sans held his hand up to his teeth and made a “roar” motion.

Papyrus looked back at the drawing, if the black were background and not the drawing itself like Papyrus had originally assumed… “OH, A BLASTER! YOU MEAN OUR SPECIAL ATTACK.” Papyrus summoned a blaster to illustrate his point.

Sans clapped his hands and pointed at the large skull floating serenely in the living room, “bastard! bastard!”

Papyrus dispelled the attack before an accident could happen, it was never wise to summon attacks indoors after all. “IT’S PRONOUNCED ‘BLASTER’, SANS. BLA-STER.”

“baster.”

“GETTING CLOSER.” He flipped to the next drawing, it was three faces. He could tell one was him and one was Sans, which meant the third one must be their father. Since it was just their faces this time there were more details, like uneven pupils inside their father’s eyes. Then again, the pupils Sans drew for his own eyes weren’t even either, it was likely just due to his toddlery hand-eye coordination. Aside from the pupils and what Papyrus could only assume was a pair of square-ish glasses, their father’s face looked very similar to his own, right down to the exaggerated cheekbones Sans had given them both.

“thaz you an’ me an’ daddy!” Sans cheerfully explained as he pointed to the faces.

“I CAN TELL, YOU DREW US VERY WELL.” The next drawing was their father again, this time alone. A full body picture that had their father wearing a long, white coat with dark clothes under it and some sort of square thing in on hand. “AND THIS IS DADDY TOO, RIGHT?”

“yeah!” Sans said excitedly. “when daddy come home?”

“I… I DON’T KNOW.” Papyrus admitted sadly. He really wished he could remember their father, or what had happened to him. Papyrus flipped to the next drawing, the first one to actually have any color in it. “OH! IT’S ME! AND MY BATTLE BODY!”

“yeah!” Sans grinned up at Papyrus.

The older skeleton felt tears welling up in his eye sockets, “THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DRAWING I’VE EVER SEEN! I’M GOING TO GET THIS FRAMED!” Papyrus hugged Sans, which the toddler returned while giggling. After they had a moment to calm down, Papyrus flipped to the last picture. “IS THIS GRILLBY?”

“girby!”

The picture featured an orange, vaguely flame shaped blob with a few black shapes below it that could be Grillby’s usual vest and bow tie if you turned your head and squinted. “WE’LL HAVE TO SHOW THIS TO GRILLBY NEXT TIME WE SEE HIM, I’M SURE HE’LL BE VERY FLATTERED.”

“girby,” Sans said again, more quietly this time.

Papyrus picked Sans up and walked into the kitchen, “IN THE MEANTIME, LET’S PUT THESE ALL UP ON THE FRIDGE.” It was already overflowing with the drawings Sans had made, but Papyrus couldn’t bear the thought of taking any of them down. He shuffled the drawings around until there was room for the new ones, which were promptly put on display. “THERE! NOW, WHO’S READY FOR DINNER?”

“dinner!” Sans repeated and threw his hands into the air.

This chapter has some of my favorite lines, including my all fic favorite: bastard! I love it so much! I just... I’m so glad I came up with that. *wipes a tear away*

#undertale #nenna writes #myster machine mishap!#humor and fluff #queue

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jungkookienoona · 7 years

Text

The Meme and His Tutor

Part 18: The Day The Tutor Got A New Nickname

Co-written with @tragicshadows

Recommended Song: She’s A Baby by Zico

|All Chapters|

Summary:

With an eventful start to the day, you begin to question what you thought you knew.

Genre: Fluff, comedy

Pairing: Jungkook X Reader (Y/N)

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 6370

Length: 18/?

You woke up to the cold sinking into your skin. Jungkook wasn't in the bed anymore. You could hear yelling just outside the open door.

"Maj-a, byeontae ya! (Yeah right, you pervert!)" That was Jungkook.

"Nareul byeontaerago bureuneungeoya?(You're calling me a pervert?)” And that was Namjoon. “Neo sog-os man ibgoiss-eul ttae geunyeo gaseum saie neoui eolgul-i saeng-gyeoss-eo! (You just had your face between her boobs while only wearing underwear!)"

"Geugeos-i geuleohge pyeon-anhan geos-eun dang-yeonhaeyo. Naneun agicheoreom jassdayo. (No wonder it was so comfortable. I slept like a baby.)"

What the?

You were rubbing the sleep from your eyes and when you looked through the door he was indeed in just a pair of very tight looking boxers. With a squeak, you covered your eyes. But you found the image burned into your mind, your cheeks a fiery red. Jungkook gave his own squeak and hid behind Namjoon.

"G-g-good morning N-n-noona. Uuuuh... I need to get dressed..."

"Ye..."

Namjoon looked between both of your pink faces and sighed. He headed back to his own room leaving Jungkook in the doorway.

"Uhhh, could you turn away...please?"

"I-I-I'll go wait i-i-in the living room."

"In your onesie?"

"Ye."

You quickly waddled out of the room, trying to think of anything other than seeing Jungkook's bare thighs and his toned butt covered by tight fitting boxer briefs. Your mind was so occupied you didn't notice that you had flopped down on the couch between Yoongi and Hoseok eating their cereal.

The two shared a look and Hoseok put his hand on your shoulder.

"Gwaenchanha? Niga bakkwimyeon andoeni?(Everything okay? Shouldn't you be getting changed)."

"Kookie… sog-os... os... pil-yohada. (Kookie... underwear... clothes... needed)."

Yoongi and Hoseok shared a confused look.

"Sog-os? (Underwear?)"

You nodded. "Geuneun jass-eoyo... amugeosdo... nawa hamkke. (He slept...nothing else...with me)."

Yoongi shrugged as if expecting nothing less. Hoseok, on the other hand, was rather surprised.

"Geuneun mueos-eul haess-eo?! (He did what?!)" His face was a picture of shock horror before it morphed into a frown. He got off the sofa and made his way to the maknae's room. Though you were still in a daze and hadn't noticed he left.

"Heobeokji… (Thighs...)"

"Mwo geudeul-e gwanhayeo? (What about them?)" Yoongi asked conversationally, stirring his breakfast.

"Geudeul-eun neomu… (They're so...)"

"Geun-yug-i manh-a? (Muscly?)"

"Geurae. (Yeah.)" You groaned, palming your face.

"Jungkook-ege niga seung-inhaessdaneun geos-eul allyeo deuligess-eo. (I'll let Jungkook know you approve.)"

That snapped you out of it.

"Mwo? (What?)"

"Amugeosdo. (Nothing.)"

The sound of Jungkook yelling your name pulled your gaze to Hoseok making his way back to his seat.

"Geuneun junbi dwaess-eo. Ije gasyeodo dwi-eo. (He's ready. You can go now.)"

You got up and made your way back to his room, blush still staining your cheeks.

"Kookie, I um... I'm gonna n-n-need help getting c-c-changed. Arm."

You gestured to the injured limb that was being cradled to your chest. Jungkook's head snapped up from where he was making the bed.

"Y-y-you need help?"

"I can't straighten my arm. If you feel uncomfortable you don't have to..."

"No, no. I can help!" He rounded the bed and stood before you, scratching his cheek awkwardly. "What do you want me to do?"

Your blush deepened, "I need help taking the onesie off and putting a top on... a-a-and I need you to help me balance as I change into my trousers..."

"Uhh..." You saw him swallow. "B-but...it means I have to see your underwear."

You nodded, "I just saw yours..."

"T-t-that's d-d-different."

You took a moment to think.

"You can leave then... I think I can manage."

Jungkook looked concerned, "Are you sure?"

You nodded and he left the room. He was only gone for about a minute when you unwillingly cried out in pain while trying to remove the Pikachu onesie. A split second later he was rushing back into the room.

"Are you okay?"

"It hurts." You whimpered.

"Fuck it, I'll help you."

He reached for your arm when you took a step back. "Did you just drop the f-bomb?"

"Ye. Come here, let me help you."

"I'm still not used to hearing you swear." He gently coaxed your arm through the sleeve.

"Look what you've driven me to. I was innocent before I met you."

"What do you mean? All I've done is teach you English."

"Yeah right. You've done far more than that Noona." There was a hint of something in his voice that you couldn't quite place. Once your arm was out of the sleeve the top of the onesie was quickly pushed down and Jungkook looked away.

"I-I-I laid out my clothes on the b-b-bed."

He grabbed the t-shirt you picked out and slowly turned back to you.

"Arms or head first?"

"I normally do it head first."

"Okay."

He pulled the material over your head and you easily slipped your uninjured arm through the sleeve. However, the injured one was a different story.

"Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." Was spewing from his lips like a mantra. You gritted your teeth and tried to lessen a number of pained sounds you were making.

And then finally your arm was through, you immediately cradled it to your chest with a small whimper. He ran a hand through his hair as you sunk onto his bed and willed yourself not to cry.

"I'll go get you some painkillers."

When he came back you were wiping away tears. He rushed over to you and offered you the tablets. You managed to take them and then fell against his shoulder. He placed the water on the night stand before wrapping you in a hug being extra careful of your arm.

"No more t-shirts. Only button up short sleeved shirts. You can borrow some of mine."

You nodded and lifted your head to press your lips to his cheek. "Thank you."

It shouldn't have been that big of a deal. You'd just seen each other in your underwear only minutes ago but yet Jungkook's eyes grew wide.

"Uh, y-y-you're welcome, N-noona."

"I still need to change into my pants."

"You can do that sat down right? You shouldn't really need my help..."

You giggled, "If it makes you that uncomfortable you can go."

You shooed him to the door with an amused grin.

"If you need me, let me know Noona."

"Will do." He shut the door behind him and you let out a huge breath you didn't realise you had been holding in.

It was only your second day in Korea and so much had happened already. As you continued to change you made sure to mentally prepare yourself for a reaction from the members. Knowing Jungkook he'd probably said something to them. Or they guessed. Yoongi seemed to be good at that. When you left the room you kept your head down trying to hide the redness that appeared to have not left your cheeks since you woke up. You were met by a concerned Jin.

"You okay Y/N? Jungkook-eun nega neomu manh-eun gotong-eul gyeokkgo issdago haeseo nega bakkwineun geos-eul dowa jul pil-yoga issdago malhaessda. Geuga jinsil-eul malhago iss-eosseo? (Jungkook said you were in so much pain you needed help changing. Was he telling the truth?)"

"Ye. Naneun pal-eul godge su eobs-eoyo. (I can't straighten my arm.)"

He gave you a sympathetic smile and ruffled your hair.

"Hotel-e honja issji anhdani dahaeng-ine. (I’m glad you're not at a hotel alone.)"

You smiled, "Naega meomuldolog haejwoseo gomawoyo. (Thank you for letting me stay.)"

He told you not to worry and that you were always welcome at the dorm while you made your way into the kitchen where Jungkook was waiting for you.

"I made breakfast for you Noona!"

Well, that was oddly domestic. You sat down at the table only to have Jungkook pull out your seat (with you still in it) and turn it to face him. He had a bowl of cereal and a spoon with some already in his hands.

You frowned, "I'm injured; not a baby."

You heard a cough and followed Jungkook's narrowed eyes to Taehyung behind you. He waved at you before darting out the room.

"Noona. Eat."

"Not with you feeding me."

"Noona~"

Shit, he was giving you the puppy dog eyes. There was no way you could refuse them. They were too cute. With a sigh, you gave in.

"Fine. Aaaah~"

You opened wide and ate what was offered while Jungkook stupidly grinned.

"Good?" He offered you another mouthful and you took it.

"I feel like a child."

"I was aiming for a princess."

You lightly shoved his shoulder causing the cereal to fall off the spoon and land on the floor with a splat.

"Noona~!"

"Yah! Stop calling me a queen or princess." You gave him another little shove.

He chuckled and simply offered a mouthful.

"I can call you anything I want. I've seen you call me Satan or The Devil on your blog."

You coughed as cereal lodged itself in your throat. "You're a little shit."

"What did I do that made me so evil?"

"You exist."

He pretended to be offended, hand coming up to rest over his heart.

"I'm hurt Noona."

"Good. It's payback for all the hurt you put me through."

He pouted. "I don't understand."

"Sometimes when I watch fancams I feel personally attacked."

"I still don't understand."

You huffed, "Of course you wouldn't."

"Shut up and eat." He shoved the spoon in your mouth.

You gasped, taking the spoon out and wiped the milk that had dribbled down your chin.

"That's not a very nice thing to say to a princess."

"I thought you didn't want to be a princess."

"I take it back."

He grinned, "Good."

He took the spoon back from you and was less forceful in feeding you.

Jungkook was just giving you the last mouthful when Jimin walked in the kitchen. You could have sworn he almost dropped the glass he was holding.

"Y/N-ege w-wae meog-ileuljuneungeoya? (W-why are you feeding Y/N?)”

You raised your poor arm and Jimin frowned.

"Neoui daleun son-eun gwaenchanha… (Your other hand is fine...)"

"Naneun algoiss-eoyo. Geureona geuneun isanghagejonjaeiss-eoyo.(I know. But he's being weird.)"

"Ma! (Hey!)" Jungkook shouted in slight annoyance.

"Geuneun hangsang isanghae. (He's always weird.)"

The maknae stood up as if going to square up to Jimin who just laughed and poked his cheek.

"Kookie, leave him alone."

"He called me weird."

"You're acting weird. Now sit."

He sat with a pout, "Jiminie is mean. Calling me weird for wanting to look after my Noona."

"Neoneun geunyeoreul agicheoreom meog-igo iss-eossda. (You were feeding her like a baby.)"

You could hear the sound of voices approaching the kitchen and quickly stood up, grabbing the bowl and taking it to the sink.

"Noona, let me wash up."

"I can still hold things in my hand, it's just my elbow that is broken, not my entire arm."

"It may as well be. Let me do it Noona."

Jimin chuckled at their antics and refilled his drink from the fridge as Namjoon and Yoongi entered the kitchen.

"Yah! Y/N why don't you leave the cleaning to Jungkook and get ready."

You smiled at Namjoon, "I can help."

"You're his guest. You shouldn't be doing any chores."

"He already fed me so it's only fair I wash up."

"He fed you?"

Yoongi laughed, making his way over to Jungkook to slap him on the back. He whispered something to him that you couldn't quite hear.

"I told him not to. He insisted."

"And you just let him?"

"He gave me puppy dog eyes Namjoon-oppa. I can't say no to his puppy dog eyes."

Namjoon chuckled, "How about I wash and you stack them on the draining board?"

"I suppose that sound fa-"

Jungkook came rushing over and pushed Namjoon towards Yoongi.

"I'm meant to be the one helping her. She's my Noona."

You watched as Yoongi shot Jungkook a look which had the younger glancing away sheepishly. Was your presence in the dorm really causing issues after one day? Namjoon and Yoongi left you both at the sink in silence.

"Maybe I should go stay at a hotel. I appear to be causing conflicts-"

Jungkook suddenly grabbed your by the shoulders and turned you to face him.

"It's not your fault Noona. Things have been a little... tense lately between Namjoon-hyung and I, but its nothing to worry about and you shouldn't blame yourself. You're staying here, with me, where I can make sure you're okay. Jungkookie take care."

A smile graced your lips and Jungkook poked your dimple.

"Yah!" You bat his hand away.

"I like it when Noona smiles. So no more frowns. This week is going to be a good week."

You nodded once.

Doing the washing up together had shown to have its distractions, such as Jungkook splashing you with water every now and then.

"Kookie~" You whined when a particularly big splash soaked your shirt. "Stop getting me all wet or I'll have to change!"

"Can't we just dry it with a hair dryer? It would save us the hassle of getting that t-shirt off of you."

You pulled the wet material away from your skin with a grimace. Maybe using a hairdryer would work. He stacked the last bowl on the draining board and emptied the sink of water then took you back into his bedroom to dry your t-shirt. He rummaged around the room for a bit trying to find the machine he wanted and gave a little victory shout when he found it. He motioned for you to sit on the bed as he plugged it in and put it on a medium setting.

"I don't want Noona to get too hot."

He pointed to hairdryer at you and clicked the button. A blast of warm air hit your chest and you pulled at the hem of your top to help it dry.

You pouted, "This is your fault."

"I know, that's why I'm drying it."

You noticed Taehyung pop his head round the corner and give a quizzical look. Jungkook followed your gaze and raised an eyebrow at the intruder.

"Wonhaneunge mwoya? (What do you want?)"

You watched his eyes flicker between you, your shirt and Jungkook. He folded his arms, clearly amused at the situation.

"Naneun geu so-eum-i mueos-inji gung-geumhaessda. (I wondered what the noise was.)"

"Geulsse, neo ije al-ass-eoyo. Gaja. (Well, now you know. So go.)"

Instead of leaving Taehyung moved further into the room and took a seat on Jungkook's desk chair.

"Wae geunyeoui syeocheuga jeoj-eungeoya? (Why did her top get wet?)"

"Geuneun nareul mul-e ppulyeoss-eoyo. (He splashed me with water.)" You shot Jungkook an accusing glare which made him smile.

But Taehyung looked more confused.

"Os-eul gal-aibneun ge eottae? (Why don't you change clothes?)"

"Geugeos-eun Noona-reul dachige hal geos-igi ttaemun-e. (Because it would hurt Noona)" Jungkook said before you could answer. He was still holding the hair dryer up, moving side to side so the top would dry evenly.

"Hajiman deoleoun mullo geunyeoleul twigiji anh-assnayo? (But didn't you splash her with dirty water?)"

You looked at Jungkook.

"Does it look dirty enough to change?"

He shook his head, "I emptied the dirty water before splashing you. It should be fine once it dries." He relayed what he said to Taehyung who shrugged.

Taehyung muttered something that had Jungkook frowning, ears turning pink, then left the room. What could have Taehyung said to make Jungkook embarrassed and annoyed at the same time? You placed a hand on his wrist, pausing the motions of the hairdryer and raised an eyebrow at him.

"What was that?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Kookie-" You were cut off by a sudden blast of warm air on your face.

"Yah!" You pushed his hand away and he snickered.

"Noona shouldn't worry about things that don't concern her. After we get this top dry we're going to go out and you are going to buy me a bunny onesie."

A few minutes later you were at the front door slipping on a pair of shoes. Jungkook handed you a face mask and baseball cap and after a quick goodbye to the members who were still home you made your way down to his car.

"Why do I need a mask and a baseball cap?"

"Since your last visit, news of you visiting has spread from Tumblr to Twitter." He took his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the car. "You can never be too careful with ARMY. But if you don't want to wear them you don't have to."

"It's spread to Twitter?"

He nodded. You decided to wear the hat and mask. Once you had them on you couldn't stop yourself from giggling. You felt like a spy. He opened your door and you climbed in. Jungkook once again insisted on doing the seatbelt and then he was rounding the car and getting in.

You stayed silent as he focused on navigating the underground parking but once he was on the road you turned to him.

"Where does one buy a bunny onesie?"

"At a place that sells clothes."

You playfully slapped him on the arm, "I knew that Captain Obvious."

He chuckled and you asked him again wanting a serious answer.

"I was thinking a department store. Hence the mask and hat."

"Isn't that risky?"

He waited until he stopped at a red light to turn and smirk at you.

"What's life without taking risks?"

"But isn't it super risky for you since you're famous and all."

His smirk turned into a smile before facing the front again as the light became amber.

"I want to spend time with my Noona while she is here. I don't mind if I get noticed but I don't want bad things to be said about Noona.”

You propped your elbow on the door and rest your chin on your palm to watch him drive.

"They don't know me. It would be worse for you."

"I have a PR team behind me to deal with things like that. You don't." He paused for a second to focus on switching lanes. "We'll be careful. Promise."

You entered the store holding hands. It must have been a store he went to frequently because as soon as you were through the automatic doors he started dragging you down the aisles onto some escalators. He navigated you past the women's section to the men's and paused while taking in his surroundings.

"Ah! Pyjamas!" He pointed down an aisle and took off, pulling you behind him.

You worried about the possibility of him pulling your good arm out of its socket.

"Yah! Slow down BunBun!"

He immediately stopped, eyes wide, "Was I hurting Noona?"

You nodded and he rubbed your good arm. When you started walking again it was much slower than before.

"You're such a muscle pig." You muttered.

He flashed you a quick smile then focused back on the task at hand. You managed to find a small section of onesies hung up in a line beside slippers and prayed there was a bunny one amongst them. And if there was, that there was one in his size and it wasn't too expensive. You watched him browse through the selection and give a little happy shout.

"Noona! I found one!"

You joined his side and immediately let out a small 'aww!'

He held the onesie up against his body and grinned. You were a little disappointed the only colour option was white but it would have to do.

"You should try it on, BunBun."

"Okay, Noona." He took hold of your and led you to the changing rooms. "I'll model it. Oh! Noona should film it!"

You laughed as he entered one of the stalls and you stood awkwardly outside the entrance for the fitting rooms.

"Would you like me to post it on Tumblr?"

"Ye!"

"I'll caption it 'BunBun's first catwalk'."

He was silent for a moment and then you heard the click of the lock.

"Are you ready?"

"Ye." You stood a little further back with your phone open on the camera app. You pressed record just as the door opened.

Jungkook stood in the doorway, hood pulled up to reveal two white floppy ears. He grinned and hopped towards you, arms held up by his chest in the bunny pose as he did so. Your giggles bubbled out of you as you couldn't cover your mouth to quiet them.

"How do I look? Am I a handsome BunBun?"

You shook your head.

"No, you're a cute BunBun."

He pouted and hopped closer. You could see a dusting of pink on his cheeks and wished you had a free hand with which to pinch them.

"I prefer handsome but I'll take cute for now... even though Noona is the cute one..."

You stopped filming and slapped him, phone still in hand.

"Yah! I'm not cute!"

"Sure you are."

Just as you went to step on those white shoes of his as you said you would the day before, he darted off and locked himself in the changing room. You could hear his laughter from the other side of the door and huffed.

You smirked as an idea came to mind, "If you don't let me step on your shoes when you get out then Tumblr will learn about your Marvel boxer-briefs."

The door was quickly thrown open, his upper half sticking out of it. His face was bright red with a look of shock and he only had his head and one arm in his shirt.

"You've looked through my underwear draw?!"

"By accident but yes."

"I feel violated." His eyes narrowed but you detected his teasing tone.

"Says the one who climbed into bed with me last night!"

His eyes widened. "Noona, shush!"

You smiled sweetly and fluttered your eyelashes, "So...can I step on your shoes?"

He hesitated, "...Fine... People might take it the wrong way if you let them know you've seen my underwear."

He finished pulling on his shirt, put on his hat and mask then grabbed the onesie.

"Then get your fine ass over here."

He cocked a brow, "You think my butt looks good? I never thought I would hear Noona say something like that."

It was your turn to blush.

"I-it's not like the internet calls it the Jungbooty or anything..." You trailed off looking anywhere but his face.

"First Jungcock and now Jungbooty? ARMY sure are creative." You hummed in agreement and shuffled forward. "I'm glad I did all those squats-s-shit!"

"Oops?"

He swore again, clutching the foot you just stomped on with one hand.

"Wae geugeol balb-ass ni?! Noona-neun nareul dachige hadani biyeolhaeyo! (Why did you stomp on it?! Noona is mean for hurting me!)"

You felt a little bad for stomping hard enough to make him revert back to Korean.

"It's punishment for calling me cute."

He dropped his foot and shook his head. "Bully."

"Meanie."

He held your stare for a moment before thrusting the onesie at you.

"Let's go pay."

He led the way to the checkout giving you the opportunity to sneak a glance at the price tag and the Jungbooty. It looked so firm. No! Snap out of it! Thankfully the onesie was a decent price. God, why did he have to choose those pants? You were so distracted you hadn't noticed Jungkook stopping and slammed straight into the back of him.

"Are you okay?"

It took you a second to realise he'd turned around to face you. Wow. You needed to get a grip.

"Yeah, sorry. I was distracted."

He lowered his head to your ear and whispered, "Stop staring at my ass," before straightening and stepping forward in the queue.

How did he know?! You gulped then stepped forward too.

"What makes you think I was staring at your butt?"

You heard a soft chuckle come from him, "What else would be distracting you?"

Not trusting yourself to form an answer without stuttering, you shoved him from behind. He spun around and steered you by the shoulders to stand in front of him.

"Noona pays, Noona goes first."

You passed the onesie to the cashier who scanned the item and put it in a bag for you.

"Neo-ui namjachingu-ga jal saenggyeosseoyo (Your boyfriend is very handsome.)"

You handed the money over then glanced at Jungkook to find him staring at you. His eyes were the only thing visible to the cashier and you tried not to laugh. Either she was joking or recognised him.

"Geuneun nae namjachingu-ga aniyo. (He's not my boyfriend.)"

She passed you your change and tucked the receipt into the bag.

"Geugeos-eun bukkeuleoun il-eoyo. Neondeul hamkke gwiyeowo. (That's a shame. You look cute together.)"

In that moment you forgot Jungkook was even there.

"Jeongmal?! Neo geuleohge saeng-gaghaeyo?! (Really?! You think so?!)" There was excitement in your voice.

She smiled and nodded. Jungkook took the bag off the counter and placed an arm around your shoulders. You said thank you to the lady and let Jungkook guide you out of the shop. It felt nice having his arm around you. It felt... right. But why was he doing it in the first place?

"BunBun... your arm-"

"Let's go get some ice cream Noona."

He pointed to a small ice cream shop and kept his arm on you. You licked your lips at the thought. It wasn't overly hot outside since it was only the beginning of summer but any weather was perfect for ice cream.

The aircon hit you as soon as you stepped inside bringing goosebumps to the surface of your skin and you pressed closer to Jungkook while scanning the flavours available.

"Oh look Noona! They have salted caramel flavour!"

You did a little cheer and looked up at him. "How did you know I like salted caramel?"

"Because you told me, silly. It was a while ago but I remembered."

You felt something twist in your gut and smiled. What was this feeling?

"You remembered." You repeated under your breath.

He led you to the serving counter and told the shopkeeper the flavours you wanted each. You ended up with salted caramel and he ended up with a watermelon sorbet. He paid and you eagerly spooned the ice cream into your mouth, sighing in pleasure.

You went to take a seat at a nearby table when he caught your arm and nodded to the door.

"It's beautiful outside. Let's go for a walk."

"Won't you need to take your mask off?"

He paused but then held the door open, "It should be relatively empty in the parks. Children should be at summer school and adults at work."

You were uncertain but that side lost to the side that wanted nothing more than to sit and enjoy the weather with Jungkook.

"Okay."

"We have to walk quickly or my sorbet will melt."

You nodded in understanding and waddled out the door, holding the pot of ice cream in your immobile hand. Jungkook followed after you, free arm wrapping around your waist since his sorbet was in a cone.

"Why isn't mine in a cone?"

"Payback for stamping on my foot. Now you have to struggle."

You gasped, "You're so mean!"

"You broke my finger and possibly my toe!"

"I didn't break your finger. You lied to me. Like I said, mean."

He chuckled and squeezed your hip. "It was worth it."

You nearly tripped over your own feet when he squeezed your hip, not expecting such an... intimate gesture from him. He caught you before you completely lost balance.

"Noona~ You're not meant to hurt yourself while you're here. We're nearly at the park."

You apologised for almost falling and focused on not making an idiot of yourself. Turning a corner, you were greeted by a stretch of grass. It was refreshing to see amongst a lot of the concrete of Seoul and you felt yourself feeling more at ease with every step you took away from the road. It reminded you of the village you grew up in but with fewer trees. A smile graced your features. Scooping up another spoonful of ice cream you noticed some melted and dripped down the spoon, landing on your hand. Without thinking you licked it off like you were used too. When you were finished you remembered you were in Jungkook's company and found he had been staring at you intently.

"You're like a cat when you do that, Kitten."

"D-did you just...?"

He hummed in response and smiled before dropping to the floor and patting the grass beside him.

"Kitten, sit."

Your body seemed to move of its own accord. Alarm bells began to ring in your head while the word ‘ kitten’ flashed in big bold lettering. Jeon Jungkook just called you kitten. And...you liked it?

"You have a nickname for me now then I guess." You stated, wiggling to get comfy on the ground.

"If you can call me BunBun because I remind you of a bunny then I can call you my Kitten since you remind me of a cat."

"That sounds like a fair trade."

He grinned and reached a hand up to pat the top of your cap. "Good Kitten."

Your eyes dropped to his sorbet that was slowly melting down the side of the cone. You quickly abandoned your small spoon in the cup and grabbed his hand to guide the sorbet to your lips. You licked along the seam of the cone then let it go. He was silent for a moment, eyes flickering from you to his sorbet then back to you. His bottom lip was caught by his teeth as his eyebrows drew together in... annoyance? You really couldn't tell.

"Who said you could have a taste?"

His voice had lowered an octave.

"You can call me Kitten but don't treat me like a pet."

"I didn't mean-"

You cut him off by shovelling a heaped spoonful of ice cream in his mouth and taking back your spoon leaving his lips sticky with caramel sauce.

"I was kidding. Just don't pet me. It's weird."

You watched as his tongue swept across his lips to remove the sauce.

"How about I only pet you on certain occasions?"

You tilted your head to the side in confusion, "On what occasions?"

He shrugged then had some more of his sorbet.

"I don't know but we can find out together."

Together. He said 'together'. In your chest, your heart was pounding like a drum. But you shouldn't be thinking of things like that...unless he was actually serious in which case that meant...he liked you. Or maybe he just meant as close friends. You couldn't tell.

"I like the sound of that."

He positively beamed at you, bunny teeth on full display, "I'll let Noona pet me too! It won't be a one-sided thing!"

This boy was going to be the death of you and not in the way you had first anticipated. When you found out about Bangtan you thought your death was going to come from their choreo and costumes. But no. It seemed like anything said implying romance was going to make your heart burst.

You smiled, "Okay." And took another bite of your ice cream.

The two of you were silent as you ate. Enjoying the occasional tweet from bypassing birds and crunch as Jungkook demolished his cone.

Once you were finished, he put your empty pot and spoon in the trash and flopped back down beside you. He grabbed the bag with his onesie in and placed it behind his head as a pillow and then opened his arms, inviting you to lie with him. He wanted to cuddle? You were used to your other friends being like that but they were like that with everyone. This was Jungkook who, according to the members, wasn't a very cuddly person unless it was with them.

You must have been lost in thought for too long because he patted the ground next to him, "Come on Kitten. I promise I don't bite."

You lie down, fidgeting for a moment to get comfortable with his arm behind your neck.

"What if someone sees us?"

"The last person they're going to think of led down in a park with a girl is me. It's just toddlers and old people walking their dogs here. We'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

The hand closest to your head started to idly twirl your hair between his fingers, "I'm sure. Stop worry and just relax. It's a beautiful day out and I want to spend it with Noona."

You let your eyes fall shut. Relax, he said. You could do that. So you breathed out a deep sigh and focused on the sound of his low humming. You didn't recognise the tune but figured it was a song he liked since he listened to a wider variety of music than you. You had never heard of future bass before he mentioned it and honestly had no idea what it sounded like. With his fingers playing with your hair you felt yourself beginning to fall asleep and tried to cuddle up closer to him. But that's when you heard it. The barking. You opened your eyes just in time to see a dog barrelling across the grass towards you.

"Jungkook!" You tapped his side and he squinted at you, then followed your gaze.

The dog pounced on him just as he sat up, knocking him backwards again. You had been scrambling to get up but the sight of him led on the ground as a dog licked his face was hilarious and sent you falling back to the ground in laughter. He was trying to stop the excited animal but the more he pushed it away the more excited it got. Jungkook tossed from side to side as the animal nuzzled his neck.

"N-Noona! Help me!"

You clutched your stomach as you laughed and shook your head.

"I need to film this!"

Taking out your phone, you recorded a video. Jungkook was practically begging you to help him but you refused. This was too cute.

"Please Noona! Tomorrow I'll take you to that cafe we went to last time you were here! Please!"

It was a really nice cafe. You sighed and stopped filming, putting your phone away again and whistled. The dog perked up and went over to you. You could tell you were about to receive the same treatment as Jungkook but quickly did something you knew turned any domesticated animal into a pile of mush. You scratched behind its ear. The dog, which looked more like a puppy (probably explaining it's over excitable behaviour), plopped it's butt down and leant into your touch. You giggled when its tail began to thump happily.

"Where's your owner, huh?"

Just as you said that an elderly couple and a small child came over. The child couldn't have been older than 3. The child crouched down by the puppy and pointed an accusing finger at it.

"Nappeun Ponyo. Neoneun nachseon saram-eul haltneun geos-i nappeudaneun geos-eul alji~. (Bad Ponyo. You know licking strangers is bad.)"

You had to hold back an ‘aw’ as she struggled with the pronunciation of longer words.

"Gwenchanha! (It's okay!)" You said and smiled at the little girl. "Geu neoui gang-aji ya? (Is he your puppy?)"

She nodded, suddenly stepping back towards the elderly couple.

"Halmae, Halbae! Ponyoneun jangnan kkuleogi yeossgo, meosjin agassiui nampyeon-eul halt-ass eo! (Grandma, Grandpa! Ponyo was naughty and licked the nice lady's husband!)"

Husband?! Your head whipped around to Jungkook who was chuckling. He looked oblivious to the comment.

"Jeongmal mianhae. (I'm so sorry.)" The elder man said.

Jungkook waved his hand, "Gwenchanhaeyo. (It's fine.)" And then he was beckoning the little girl over. "Neo ileum-i mwoni? (What's your name?)"

"Naneun Jiwoo. Igeos-eun naui gae, Ponyo-ida. (I'm Jiwoo. This is my dog, Ponyo.)"

You found it sweet that she named her dog after a Studio Ghibli film.

"Naneun Kookie. (I'm Kookie.)" Jungkook held out his hand and the little girl glanced at her grandparents for confirmation before shaking it. "Geuneun maeu chinjeol-eo. (He's very friendly.)"

"Naneun Ponyoga ne anaeleul joh-ahandago saeng-gaghae. (I think Ponyo likes your wife.)"

He gave her a small smile, "Geunyeoneun dongmuldeul-ege aju joh-a. (She's very good with animals.)"

You looked at him in shock. Why didn't he correct the little girl? She's going to have the wrong idea.

"Jiwoo, urineun jeongmallo jigeum jib-eulo hyanghaeya. (Jiwoo, we really must be heading home now.)" Said the elderly woman with her own smile.

Jiwoo pouted but clapped her hands, gaining the puppy's attention. Ponyo got to his feet and circled around her.

"Jal isseo Kookie! Jal isseo Kookie-ui anae! (Bye Kookie! Bye Kookie's wife!)"

You waved goodbye to the little girl and her grandparents and then shoved Jungkook's shoulder causing him to fall backwards.

"Really? Your wife?"

"I thought that was every fangirl's dream. To be their bias' wife."

You froze in place but then covered your face with your hands to hide your oncoming blush. This boy was definitely going to be the death of you at this rate. He laughed and got to his feet, not forgetting to grab his onesie.

"Come on, Noona. Let's go for a walk back to the car."

You took his outstretched hand and ignored your racing heart.

You had just reached the gate to the main road when you remembered something.

"BunBun, your mask!"

He stopped and fished it out of his pocket, "Don't forget to put yours on, Kitten."

You patted your pockets but felt your stomach drop when you couldn't find it.

Jungkook snickered when you looked at him wide-eyed, "I thought this might happen. Good thing I brought a spare with me."

He pulled the spare mask out of his back pocket and held it up. It had a whiskers design on it.

Your jaw dropped, "Did you plan this?!"

"No, no. I swear!" He scratched his cheek. "I saw this a while back and thought you might like it. I always bring spares just in case."

You took the mask off him and hooked it over your ears. "Thank you."

A/N: As always we love to hear from our readers! ^^

This work of fiction is copyright © JungkookieNoona and protected under UK and international law. All rights reserved. Any unauthorised broadcasting, copying or reposting will constitute an infringement of copyright.

#boop #tmaht #jungkook #jeon jungkook #BTS jungkook #jeongguk #jeon jeongguk #jeon jeongkook #jungkook scenario #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #bangtan scenario

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jaylos · 7 years

Text

alright i’m watching descendants 2 rn and i’ll document what i’m thinking as i go along (warning: spoilers, duh, also probably ship negativity towards jan/os and possibly ba/)

so yeah uh enjoy my unfiltered thoughts

- ways to be wicked is exactly what and where i thought it would be

- right in the second scene there’s a tv broadcast with clips from what happened like 30 secs ago

- i’m not sure what to think of evie being anti-magic and like, so rule abiding.. (*edit: hmmmm, i think i kinda get it, but i’ll have to think about it a bit more)

- first appearance of carlos and jane already has me gagging how am i supposed to sit through this

- chad was mean so it’s okay that the movie treats him like a joke

- awkward reference to the first movie (not a lot of there there)

- why is jay not wearing a mask for this duel

- i want lonnie to stab me

- also what the fuck is this sport and what happened to tourney

- chad is a jerk bc every highschool needs one i guess (*edit: wow this movie really hates chad huh)

- oooommmmmyyyygggooooodddddd do jane and carlos seriously get no other arc than dancing around each other the entire time this is torture

- i mean i’m salty that this is how jane has to spend her screen time but i’m still glad she’s there at all

- “how to get out of the friendzone” or “how to make me eat dinner in reverse”

- carlos: “i was usually on the other side of [screaming]” ok wow just fuck me up

- ??why is chad so awkward???

- if carlos asked mal for the truth gummy it must mean he isn’t anti-magic and oh my god i’m so happy about that like

- first appearance and i already love the dynamic between uma, harry and gil movie pls don’t ruin this

- another awkward d1 reference (you can’t take me anywhere)

- “and i was giving you props for fitting in so well” honestly ben shut the fuck up omg

- evie: “she’s my best friend” you haven’t really been acting like it tho ngl

- why does no one recognize mal on the isle. she’s walking around being seen by lots of people and there’s not even whispering a la “is that her?” “why is she back?” “traitor!” do they not give a shit or

- why does she need curlers for straight hair?? what

- in the second book carlos was the only one who knew how to drive but let’s just never mention that again ever amirite

- chillin’ lika a villain has a fun choreography i like it (the song itself is meh but whatever)

- i love gil

- the whole movie could just be a back and forth between mal and uma and i would watch it

- so uhm. was there literally never a talk about bringing more isle kids to auradon like. were they thinking hey, it went really well with the first four but let’s leave the rest to rot on the isle. i mean did evie never once bring up how dizzy should come over too (*edit: ok so ben’s got an excuse for that but it’s hella lame)

- holy shit space between is so gay i can’t

- but that lazy ass clip show tho like couldn’t they think of some more choreo for those couple of seconds instead of reusing old footage

- and right after that it cuts to carlos and jay sleeping next to each other,,, this is mockery

- harry is such a bisexual tbH

- i love that they love lonnie

- the green screens still look shitty lmao

- it’s going down is already kinda awkward but ben’s part is just embarrassing.. that auto tune omg..

- why is the wand supposed to work under the barrier? bc the barrier was made with it? ..still weird

- dude: “amazeballs” oh jesus fuck

- i liked the girl talk scene (tho i wish they didn’t call it girl talk)

- jay: “give it up for your new team captain” OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH

- ok carlos and jane were.....kind of.....cute......no pls take this heterosexuality away from me........oh no.........

- IS THAT LUMIERE I WANT AN ENTIRE MOVIE JUST ABOUT HIM OH MY GOD

- whaaaat the happ is fuckening at the cotillion??? is that a fucking dream sequence???????

- oooooh uma spelled him right

- ooooooooh it’s gonna be true love’s kiss right

- uma is so pretty tho she’s killing me

- so uma is retreating bc of ben’s lame ass speech lmao k

- evie: “i know a girl who would love to come to auradon” but fuck all the others amirite

- evie: “and there’s a lot of other kids” alright alright i’ll stop complaining haha (for now at least)

- no mal don’t give away your spellbook don’t stop doing magic oh come on fuck the magic ban fuck it fuck it

- another hella awkward song here we go

- carlos’ suit is so ugly

- ok the song wasn’t that bad

- but what the fuck is that kiss the girl cover (during credits) that was terrible. it could have been so great it’s one of my fav disney songs ever and all i get is a bad auto tune whateverthefuck. i feel cheated

yeah so all in all that was kinda underwhelming. i’ll probably make some more posts talking about it but that’s it for now.

meh

#disney descendants #descendants 2 #descendants 2 spoilers

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self-shipper-snowdrop · 5 years

Note

i back. now do if ur self insert an their friends were stuck in an elevator for a while, what would happen + BSD friends, whos the sun and whos the moon in your selfship + fukuzawa, dazai, expresso man n ann, + any aus w dingdornroomba + bsd. let us indulge 030 -🍣

XD SHE’S BACK WITH MORE DEMANDS EVERYBODY-

Okay let’s start with part one; the BSD Elevator Nightmare.

So this would involve me, Ryū, Atsushi, Ranpo and Gin. Yeah. So. This is curaed snd we best get out fast XD the only thing I could see happening is Atsushi and Ryū getting into a massive fight, something I can’t really stop because it just. Never ends with them. Gin would likely try and help her older brother, but I’d tell her to stop since it’s pointless and will just end once the elevator starts up again anyways. Then Ranpo, Gin and I would just be eating snacks (IF I can convince him to share… >_>) while watching the whole thing go down. No doubt about it.

Part Two: The ☀️ and the 🌙

-I would say that I am the moon and Yukichi is the sun. He’s the head of the ADA, that watches over the day in Yokohama. He’s always been the sun in that regard, and with us, even if he can be cold and seem aloof I know better- not to mention his smile is just ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎ y’know. THAT kind of perfect. Meanwhile I’ve always felt like the moon.

-Dazai is still the sun to me. Many would say the moon but he’s my sun, without a doubt. He always brings light into my day and puts a smile on my face, so often without even trying. He is my sun that brings light into my life. Meanwhile as the quieter, sometimes called the more ‘serene’ one, I am the moon. Bringing back my own kind of light.

-You are LUCKY that’s our meme and I know you mean Chūya XD I still say sun- it’s trend to seek out my sun, what can I say? But while he’s the more fiery and passionate kind of guy, that warmth in itself always brought that comparison to mind for me. It’s different than the other two, though. He’s a more vibrant, volatile sun. The kind that is always burning at full brightness, and is willing to burn all others but you. Like a star of security.

-Betcha can’t guess… yep you’re right XD Ann is my sun! I can’t lie! Her optimism and cheerful attitude always made her the sun in my sky, and she’s said I’m like the moon to her. We’re so different, but that’s what makes me love her so much. Her smile and cheer overflows into my day, and she’s so sweet and caring, she’s like a warm, but more subtle sun than the others. Always there, always shining, but her light is misunderstood. That’s why she’s a phantom thief, though.

Part Three: Some AUs

-Danganronpa I tend to like doing ‘non-Despair’ or ‘despair-free’ AUs. Basically there was no tradegy, there was no killing games, everyone just makes it through Hope’s Peak- healthy, happy, and as friends. That way I can write everyone there together! So that tends to be my favourite. Although I also do enjoy anything to do with fantasy AUs for DR for some reason. I have no clue why, but me and my DR f/os going on a crazy adventure in what basically ends up as DnD is the best thing. Especially if I can be a princess and get rescued ♥︎ I have a love for that trope, sorry XD

-For BSD it’s always soulmates, mixed with living in separate worlds. Namely soulmates, but I have a particular thing for this one I mixed together. It’s where everyone has a ‘red string’ only they and their soulmate can see, tied to their finger, and is linked to their soulmate. Meanwhile I’m stuck in this world, so our strings lead up into the sky, showing we’re in different universes. Eventually I get dragged into their world and we unite, since I’m the biggest sap in human HISTORY, but it’s interesting to write the different reactions with different f/os from BSD. Dazai always makes me sad when I do, though… :( it always ends up as PAIN but it’s still fun. Honestly someone’s probably done it somewhere (I honestly wouldn’t even be surprised at all if someone had already written this for Dazai in particular, I just haven’t seen it anywhere) but I do love toying around with this idea.

#self ship #self insert #platonic; the tiger’s best friend #platonic; mysteries and candy bars #platonic; partners in crime #platonic; secret shoppers #romantic; we are equal #romantic; until death do us part #romantic; anti gravity heartbeat #romantic; cats in the night

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iwilldevourthebodies · 7 years

Text

Things people have said in my classes over the course of the 2016-2017 school year

“One of the biggest mistakes you can make as a military officer is try to invade Asia”

“Napoleon looks like he’s about to dab”

“Donkey!”

“No you have to do it in a Scottish accent. It’s Donkeh”

“Eric. Do you want carrots? Diced,,, carrots”

“How many couches do you have?”

“I don’t… I don’t want to talk about it”

“I think the cereal aisle is amazing. I do”

“I’m a hoe for Obama”

“So what you’re gonna make him turn into the next Bill Clinton?”

“Wow. The sass. Didn’t I say there was always one delinquent?”

“Is Neanderthalian a word?”

“It’s not a word, Sufana, don’t be an idiot”

“Can we just like… abolish death?”

“Let’s just take it and,,,, fling it into the sun”

“It’s not a race if I don’t care"

"I didn’t know what you were asking me”

“Yeah, but you acted like you did so confidently. ‘Yes! Sí, señora’

"You’re Muslim? I thought you were Indian”

“Guys, I’m gonna take a spaceship… and I’m gonna land it on the sun. And if it gets too hot I’m gonna take a parachute back to Earth”

“No, no, they’re too dumb to think like this”

“You’re crushing my heart. The more you go on the more I know I did something wrong”

“So let me get this straight. You quoted Hamilton at dinner. At your boyfriend’s house. In front of his parents. And he’s still your boyfriend?"

"You’re being a racism”

“Sometimes I turn my os and us into a single character. It’s because I’m efficient. /Not/ because I’m illiterate”

“It’s about personal growth! I like to challenge myself! It’s not because my brain’s broken!”

“It is the wagon void”

“Up until I was 5 I was a wanderer. I was raised by seagulls”

“Honestly I don’t ever try to be dumb. It just comes naturally”

“But we aren’t octopi, unfortunately”

“Wouldn't be a Monday morning if I wasn’t ruining his life”

“My dad works so he escapes the living hell that is my house”

“Was it fine?”

“Yeah, I got food”

“Is that a 7 or a live chicken?”

“I’m not from America, but I’m from the United States”

“Oh yeah I drove a go cart with a wheel made out of a Quaker Oats container”

“What do you mean you’re not fluent in Indian?”

“Well I wasn’t about to eat the tampon”

“If Satan Spoon starts talking to you let me know”

“Did he just say blame the gays on the mafia?”

“Dude we should test arsenic as a cure for Alzheimer’s”

“You dated him”

“Yes, well that was before I learned he was racist. And gay”

“Get off me I need to make a meme”

“I’m going to be that one awkward person who ends up sexually attracted to pianos”

“I don’t kms, I pms”

“Put that in your quotes I think it’s a good one”

“I really meant people conception. Misconception is gender exclusive”

“So what’s your point?”

“I don’t know”

“If your results end up to be true, like yes”

“Adolf Hitler becomes the chancellor of Germany”

“Wait who?”

“It’s a giant concrete chicken in Vietnam. Read the fucking caption”

“At least it won’t be Cold War part 2 because Trump’s in bed with Russia”

“Wow that is actually hot”

“Well it is fire”

“Well let it be the best stick it can be”

"I had an English muffin today. It just wasn’t the same"

“Doesn’t covering your head make it harder for God to hear you?”

“No that’s tinfoil, Michael”

“Publishificating is good”

“Out-publish Bill. Cause Bill is the devil”

“Why are cheeseburgers such sexist objects?”

“Illinois”

“Illin-wah”

“Wait I just drew the Canadian parliament building”

“He looks kinda like a mop and I like”

“I could never be a murderer it’s just so confusing”

“Alex stare at her chest not her butt. Will is already staring at her butt”

“Russia is Serbia’s sugar daddy”

“Did they convert to Muslim?”

“What other fairies do you know?”

“Twinkle toes! No wait. Tinker bell”

“Captain America is Wartime Propaganda”

“Yeah man that’s yogi bear! Wait what the hell?”

“What’s that brown potato?”

“That’s a squash”

“Bob Marley died and so should I”

“Melanoma’s a disease”

“That’s not a disease that’s a cancer”

“What was the turning point of WWI?”

“The Versace treaty!”

“Don’t put orange juice in your iPad”

“We’re making cubes and he’s talking about concentration camps”

“Where do you think the Paris peace conference happened?”

“Berlin”

“Anything’s a UFO if you try hard enough”

“Jesse what are you working on right now?”

“The ICarly theme song”

“Why are white people so extra?”

“Is it offensive to call Rasputin daddy?”

“Zoie can you stab me?”

“No, sorry, that’s a Friday activity”

“Are Israeli passports made out of couscous?”

“What’s that thing from BFG called..? Cumberbumber?”

“So my sister’s a Russian major..”

“Can you major in a country?”

“Mown, like freshly mown grass”

“You can tweet from dead people”

“Wealthy farmers have fists”

“So do other people”

“Hitler killed Hitler, so he can’t be that bad”

“Three billion fists died”

“Everything’s a sphero to me now”

“Hey kids wanna buy some zip-ties?”

“There will never be a time where both of you are in the boat.. /amphibious assault vehicle”

“Did you know Italians get 8 weeks of paid leave”

“You know what fuck Italians. Actually wait yeah let’s /fuck/ Italians”

“What’s worse than the Gulags?”

“Siberia”

“My favorite satellite station is Hitler and Stalin. Hitler played the bass, Stalin played the spoons.”

“Shit. I missed my ass”

“Are you gonna sue me?”

“No”

“Are you gonna sue my kids?"

"Yes”

“How are you a Jew and an atheist?”

“I’m a jewthiest”

“He deserves to be hugged. By an 18-wheeler speeding down the highway”

“My talent is…”

“Deepthroating a cinnamon stick”

“Does anyone know what the 21 game is?”

“Is that when you turn 21 and get to drink?”

“What’s next year’s musical?”

“Connor Gale: The Musical, starring Lisa Liubovich as Connor Gale”

“Somebody just compared Germany’s republic to the republic from Star Wars”

“The darkest blanket of Bill Nye”

“And her beauty was that of Medicare”

“Alright homework tonight, research vampires”

“Well I wasn’t gonna follow his mom’s twitter”

“28 lockers is inside your gastrointestinal tract”

“My dad hates Jews. Not actively though”

“That sounds like a cat choking out a hairball. Catholicism.”

“We’re catholic. And we’re not batshit insane”

“It’s not crack, Ms. Wright”

“Do they even know what vegetables smell like?”

“Why is there a cabbage in your backpack?”

“Hannah. Egg”

“Nothing’s fun when donald trump is president”

“What kind of gum is that?”

“Doritos”

“I’m better than Justin Bieber at guitar. I’m Kurt Cobain now”

“If George Washington tried to rap his dentures would fall out”

“Why did he come over here was I not Jewish enough?”

“Alright so we have bird images, and we have death images”

“You just fuckin stabbed me in the leg with a plank of wood”

“I have a velvet Jesus in my cupboard”

“Cow vigilantes?”

“There’s a meat ban”

“What did they ban?”

“Meat”

“I’m wrenching, bitch”

“What were they on?”

“Judaism”

“This kebab guy looks like wolverine”

“We have a common Jew”

“That’s like Hannah being gayphobic”

“According to my zodiac I’m light, hot, and wet”

“Haroon dropped his wood”

“I’m not racist I’m just ignorant”

“Why do people even harvest organs when they could harvest corn?”

“I’m not saying that cone heads is super high quality but let’s be real here”

“It is almost May don’t talk about snow or I’ll backhand you into the fucking sun”

“People are hanged, pictures are hung”

“People can be hung too”

“Jello monster incest”

“I just hit myself in the head with a boat”

“Dentists are people too”

“Really? I thought they were just a bunch of teeth stacked together in a lab coat”

“An interloper is someone who interlopes”

“Guys enough with the atomic bombs”

“I had weaponized the name quiz”

“Sin is a polygenic trait”

“Revenge is a dish best served under a tree”

“There’s Vaseline.. but it looks shady”

“Where’s the Cape? Is it in Maine?”

“The Soviet Union is cheese”

“Gets tetanus on boobs”

“Where’s that video of that woman aesthetically biting pickles into a microphone”

“I was too lazy to shave so my solution was socks”

“Anything is right if you can pull it off”

“Do Brooklyn have accents”

“Meme is my native language”

“When you smell me I don’t even feel uncomfortable anymore”

“That sounds like a great job. I’m gonna be a dick disector”

“My right pinkie is stronger”

“What if I just face slam on the keyboard, will my essay write itself then?”

“I wrote nyet instead of net on my paper. Figurative language dot nope.”

“Can I just remove both of my uteri?”

“Hannah you have one uterus”

“I’m dumb completely independently from the fact that I’m old”

“Why dinosaurs do not have the capacity to be fascist”

“Amanda and I are on team daddy”

“What are you talking about?”

“Hydra kink”

“My eyelashes are too short”

“Like your di- I mean, I’m fasting”

“Walmart brand eighth grader”

“Does anyone know who the daughter of Zeus is?”

“Hermione”

“Give your partner a hand-job from a million miles away for only $88 plus tax”

“The vase is thicc”

“Do you not recognize my supreme overlord?”

“Dr. Doofenshmirtz?”

“Stop sensually licking the mango”

“Triangular foot bath”

“I’d rather be peed on by a sheep than eaten alive”

“What’s the place where planes go?”

“Airports?”

“Oh yeah. I thought they were called plane stations”

“Did you say egg or dick?”

“They would give you a gallon of the white baby vomit and then you have to drink it”

“I have nightmares about Russian grammar”

“You could tell I was ignoring you, right?”

“I hear you talking about your grades in my sleep”

“Freshman salads”

“I wanna be a song… singer person”

“What do door locks keep out?”

“Your insecurities”

“I’ve never been attacked by a gang member”

“The gays worship the Babadook”

“I love Joe Biden, he’s so cute. I want a pocket Joe Biden”

“Surrogate sneezing”

“Golfing doesn’t require ankles”

“You guys all have boners but you don’t have any notecards you’re all useless”

#if y'all want the context behind any of these #message me #or send me an ask #idc if it's anon or not #but ye

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