#with my words???? couldn't be me I can't talk in real life OR online | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

taeyongdoyoung · 6 months

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summary: things between you and your mom escalate and you make the impulsive decision to move in with your online friend who saves your life and shines like the brightest star... pairing: seonghwa x reader genre: angst, fluff, smut; online friends to roommates+lovers warnings: swearing, mommy issues, suicidal thoughts, insecurities, crying, pet names, eating out, blowjob, protected sex, praise kink, mommy kink, one (1) bad star wars joke, the nbhd references, subspace (kinda?), lowkey possessive hwa, one bed trope (but there is a couch, they just ignore it) author's note: this is incredibly personal and i felt so vulnerable while writing it but i better post it real quick before i chicken out 🙃 the title is inspired by the neighbourhood's daddy issues (remix) even though reader has mommy issues lol word count: 4.3k

You are cooped up in your room, physically shaking. You have no tears left to cry so you are laughing hysterically at the absurdity of it all. You were so tired of it. You love your mom, you really do. You would never do anything to harm her. But you are absolutely sick of the way she was treating you. Always belittling your interests, not letting you go out past a certain hour even though you were old enough to do so, yelling at you for the smallest mistakes, suffocating you with her unrealistic expectations, saying you were stupid and would never amount to anything if it hadn't been for her strict parenting style, even though you had practically sacrificed your mental health and social life to get high grades. And whenever you brought up all the ways in which she'd hurt you, she would try to gaslight you and pull shit like: "I never said that." "You're being overdramatic." "You're so ungrateful." All your friends said you deserved better. They tried their best to support you emotionally. But words could only do so much. You need out. If you stayed another moment in this toxic environment, you felt like you would do something terrible to yourself. Something there was no coming back from.

The only person you feel like talking to right now was your online friend Seonghwa. You'd met him on a Star Wars forum eight months ago and you'd been talking to each other pretty much every free minute. He was your light in the darkness and brought you so much happiness you couldn't remember what your life before him had been like. He always knew just what to say and comforted you like nobody else could. And when you didn't feel like talking, he distracted you successfully by organizing streaming sessions for the two of you. He is, for lack of a better word, perfect. There is only one downside. He lives thousands of kilometres away from you.

You: Talk to me. About anything. Please? Starshine98: What happened??? You: I don't wanna talk about it. I don't even wanna think about it. Starshine98: Got it. Your mom, right? You: Is my tragic existence so transparent? Starshine98: Whatever she said, you know it's not your fault. You: I know. But Hwa…it hurts so much I feel like dying. I can't do this anymore. Starshine98: Don't say that. You are so important to me. And to your friends. And to your mom, as well, even if she has a messed up way of showing it. You: Still….I need to get out of here as soon as possible but I can't do that without getting a stable job first. And it's so hard to find one. Starshine98: What if you came to live with me? My apartment has enough space for two… You: You live across the world? I can't even afford a plane ticket. Starshine98: Don't worry about money, I'll send you an E-ticket. You: I can't ask you to do that… Starshine98: You're not asking, I'm offering. You're going through something traumatic and you obviously need a change of scenery. I'm not asking you to stay with me forever, just for as long as you need to take care of your mental health. Just say the word and I'll buy the ticket. You: This is far too generous of you. Starshine98: I'm not as selfless as you think. I'm so worried about your well-being that keeping an eye on you myself would help me sleep better at night. You: Sweet. Starshine98: So? What do you say? You: Fuck it. Let's do this.

A couple of minutes later you receive a digital plane ticket from Seonghwa. The feeling of staring at it is so surreal you feel like you might pass out. You quickly pack only the bare essentials into a bag and scribble a letter to your parents. You know your mom will be furious and your dad will be worried sick but still, you want to leave the apartment while she's still asleep to avoid the confrontation. This is the best decision you could have possibly made in this situation. And for the first time in forever, you are finally doing something impulsive, something crazy without asking for permission. And damn, does it make you feel alive.

As you get off the plane, your eyes scan the airport for Seonghwa. You debate turning on your phone but then you would be faced with missed calls from your parents and right now, you are not ready to face the reality of what you've done. Luckily enough, you quickly spot a large sign with your name on it. It's him! You rush through the crowd and directly into his arms. He drops the sign in disbelief and gives you the tightest hug possible. This is insane. You can't believe you're actually here.

"Hi, sweet girl," Seonghwa says and his voice sound even lovelier than during the video chats you've had with him.

"Hi, starshine," you chuckle nervously.

"How was your flight?" he asks.

"Couldn't wait for it to be over," you admit.

"Yeah? You wanted to see me that bad?" Hwa teases you.

"More like couldn't wait to visit Seoul," you joke. "Go sightseeing."

"Sorry to disappoint but I'm taking you home first."

Home. You liked the sound of that.

"This is my room, this is the living room, this is the kitchen and this is the bathroom. Any questions?" Seonghwa inquires after he's done showing you around his apartment.

"Um, not to sound ungrateful but…where will I…you know, sleep?" you ask.

"My room, obviously. I'll take the couch in the living room," Hwa shrugs.

"What? No, Hwa, I can't…this is your apartment. I would feel so guilty I wouldn't fall asleep at all."

"Do you have another suggestion?"

"Duh! I will sleep on the couch!"

Seonghwa shakes his head, visibly distressed by the idea.

"It's pretty cold in the living room. You'll be more comfortable in my room."

"Well…we could share the bed, then? You do have a king size. If…that's okay with you."

"Are you sure?" Hwa wants to know.

You nod without thinking too much into it.

"You're my best friend and I just moved across the world. Sharing a bed with you does not worry me."

"Alright. Let me know if you need anything, I'll try to get it for you."

"Right now I just need a hug."

Seonghwa abides by your wishes and soon enough, the two of you find yourselves cuddling under the warm blanket. Minutes later you are crying and spilling the beans about your latest fight with your mom. When you tell him the whole story, he feels like throwing up.

"H-how could she say that to her own d-daughter?" Hwa stammers in disbelief.

You notice tears falling down his beautiful cheeks and trace a finger against his skin.

"Honestly? I'm kinda used to it. But it was so bad I couldn't take it anymore."

"You're not supposed to. You're a literal angel, I don't understand her behaviour at all."

You give him a sad smile.

"I'm not a saint, either. I mean, I've kept secrets from her and stuff. I just wish things could get resolved by communicating but she always refuses to hear my side of the story."

"The only reason why you've kept secrets was to protect your sanity. She's being unreasonable for not letting you follow your passions. What kind of a parent would say such harmful things?"

"Right?" you laugh bitterly. "You get me like no one else."

Seonghwa strokes your hair lovingly and kisses your forehead.

"My darling girl. You deserve so much better."

"Sometimes I wish you were my mom," in a moment of intense vulnerability, you murmur without thinking but the words are already out of your mouth and it's too late to take them back.

"W-what?" Hwa appears taken aback.

"S-sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me," you cover your face with your hands.

"Say it again. Please."

You take a peek nervously. His reaction is not one of disgust as you feared but rather…curiosity?

"I wish you were my mom," you repeat, your cheeks flushed with color.

"Do you know what I'd do if I were your mom?" Seonghwa asks.

You shake your head, desperately needing to hear what he's thinking.

"If you were my little girl, I'd do whatever I could do to keep you safe and protect you, make sure no one could hurt you, least of all me. I'd let you follow your passions. If you went out at night, I'd be worried sick, of course, but I'd be happy you're having fun with your friends. I'd tell you I'm proud of you no matter what grades you got. If you kept secrets from me, I wouldn't yell at you, but I'd ask myself what I did wrong. You know why? Because I trust you. And I care about you so deeply that I'd like to win your trust, too."

Your vision is blurry with tears. You feel like Hwa just fixed something he didn't break. Whatever he has to offer, you want all of it.

"I'd like that very much."

"You'd let me take care of you? Call you mine?" Seonghwa needs to know.

"Yes, please."

"My precious girl," he purrs in your ear.

"Hwa…just to be clear, what does that make us?" you ask, confused about the line between friendship and…whatever this is.

"What do you want us to be? Girlfriend and boyfriend? Daughter and…mom? Friends with benefits?"

You chuckle at the variety of labels he suggests.

"I think I'd like to be your girlfriend. If you'll have me," you blink, suddenly feeling insecure. You don't have much to offer. But whatever little you have, you're willing to give to him.

"I will. And I'd be honoured to be your boyfriend."

You bury your head into his chest, overwhelmed with positive feelings and excitement for the future that awaits the two of you.

"Let me take you out on a date tomorrow. But first, you need sleep."

"Okay, mom," you laugh wholeheartedly. "Will you sing me a lullaby?"

"Anything for my best girl," Seonghwa promises.

The following day he takes you to a really lovely date at a local restaurant and treats you so well, like no one else before in your life. You feel so blessed and lucky to have met him that there are not enough words to describe how grateful you are to him. Not just for letting you move in with him without expecting anything in return (though that was an immensely generous gesture on his side). The reason you are grateful the most is that he accepts you with all your flaws and scarred past, he shows you such understanding and care you have only dreamed about. He is truly your shining star guiding your path through the dark and into the light.

In the evening, you finally muster up the courage to turn on your phone. You call your dad and with tears in your eyes, explain the circumstances around your latest fight with your mom and why you decided to move in with Seonghwa. Your dad is worried, of course, but he says he gets why you did it, as he has witnessed some encounters when your mom has said hurtful things to you. Though he has not explicitly stood up for you, in your private conversations, he has shown you support and eagerly awaited the day you were independent from her. He tells you your mom was furious at first but now she is just…sad. You promise you will talk to her when you feel ready but for the time being, you need some space. Your dad respects your decision and you hang up.

"You did well," Seonghwa praises you, enveloping you in a warm hug.

"Thanks," you whisper sadly.

"Shall we go to bed?" he asks.

"Aw, man, I was in such a hurry to pack that I forgot my favourite frog plushie!" you exclaim in annoyance. "I can't sleep without it."

"Last night you had no trouble falling asleep, though?" Seonghwa gently reminds you.

"You're right!" you cry out in amazement.

"I'll get you a million plushies tomorrow but for now you'll have to settle for me."

"You know what? You're more than enough. You're my favourite plushie from now on!" you smile, wrapping your arms around his waist.

You've had the happiest week of your life. Seonghwa shows you around the city, taking you to adorable cafés, sightseeing and eating ramen by the Han river. The two of you take tons of pictures together and spend a lot of quality time. He even introduces you to his friend San and convinces him to let you work at his bookshop, which is honestly a dream job.

One morning, you wake up feeling uncharacteristically hot. Something hard is pressed against your ass. Could that be…You freeze at the realization. You wonder whether to rush out of bed. But then you risk Seonghwa waking up and you don't want him feeling embarrassed over something completely natural. You could pretend you're still asleep? But your breathing is too irregular and your skin is practically on fire. What should you do? Before you can make up your mind, you feel Seonghwa shifting behind you and the space has never felt emptier.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles sleepily.

"What are you sorry for?" you ask even though the answer is quite apparent.

"For…you know, getting hard."

"It's fine, it's a normal human reaction."

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or objectified. I mean…you are hot and I've obviously thought about you before in impure ways but…I like you so much I don't want you to feel pressured or anything. You're incredibly special to me, baby."

You finally turn around to face him.

"You are the most precious person in my life, Seonghwa," you whisper. "And like, if you want me, I'm all yours. No pressure."

"But…wouldn't you want to wait longer?" he asks cautiously.

"Whenever you want, my star," you smile eagerly, hoping he takes the bait.

"Fuck it," Hwa mutters under his breath and crashes his lips into yours.

You kiss him back impatiently and bury your fingers into his soft hair. He pulls you closer to him by the waist, digging his fingers into your lower back.

"If you want to stop at any moment, just let me know, okay?" Seonghwa breaks the kiss to reassure you.

You are so touched by his words that tears are already welled up in your eyes.

"Okay. Same goes for you."

"Trust me, darling, I wouldn't want to stop," Hwa promises and buries his head into your neck, inhaling the scent of you.

He spends a long time pressing kisses everywhere he could think of: your neck, your cheeks, your hair, your nose, your collarbones, your tummy, your ears, your thighs until finally, he reaches your pussy. Guiding your legs apart with a gentle but firm hand, you are afraid of melting right there. He eats you out hungrily, his ridiculously long tongue doing wonders to your senses. Needing something to hold on to, you tug on his hair, hopeful that you are not hurting him. He starts making circular motions, increasing the pleasure. It does not take you long to finish, completely falling apart.

"I think I just died a little," you admit, laughing.

"Well, the French did call it la petite mort," Seonghwa shrugs.

"Ah, yes. The little death," you smile, fondly recalling your French classes. "I wouldn't be a good guest if I didn't return the favour, no?"

You wrap your lips around the head of his cock, looking up at him to see if you're doing a good job.

"You're not a guest. I want you to feel at home," Seonghwa says and you try to take him deeper into your mouth. "You don't have to- Oh!"

You smirk as you swirl your tongue against his cock, doing your best to bring him closer to the edge.

"Such a good girl. My girl, yes?" he murmurs.

You can't verbablly respond so you nod your head frantically. Your hand is wrapped around the part of him you can't physically fit in and you blink the tears away, attempting to focus on breathing through your nose. You move your head and up down, desperately staring into his eyes to make sure he's enjoying every second of it. Soon enough, he reaches his high, sending ropes of cum down your throat. You try to swallow, not waste any drop of it.

Seonghwa strokes your cheek with his hand.

"You did so great for me," he praises you and you feel butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

"T-thank you," you stutter nervously.

"You don't have to thank me," Seonghwa chuckles in confusion and flips you around so that you are lying on your back. He leans down and kisses you again even more sensually than before but with as much tenderness. "You wanna stop?"

"No, please, don't stop," you are not too proud for begging.

"M'kay, lemme just grab protection real quick and I'll be back," he grins.

"Oh, I feel quite protected with you by my side, but I get what you mean," you tease him, excited to take the next step in your relationship.

True to his promise, Hwa returns moments later, flexing a condom in his hand.

"Protection," he repeats in a cute voice, while he puts it on.

"And here I thought you were gonna show me your lightsaber," you joke.

Seonghwa dramatically places a hand on his heart, feigning offense.

"I already did," he plays along and you can't stop yourself from bursting into laughter.

God, he really is the best guy in the universe. Your thoughts are further confirmed when he slowly teases your entrance with just the tip, making sure you are okay.

"You good? Should I go deeper?"

"Hwa, my angel, you can do anything to me and chances are I'd like it," you reassure him confidently.

"Careful what you wish for," Seonghwa smirks and slides in, making you feel so full and complete.

"Ngh," your sweet little cries are enough to give him the needed push to not hold himself back any longer. He fucks into you with so much vigour and passion you are on the verge of disintegrating.

"My gorgeous girl. You like that?"

"Yes, mommy," the words slip out of your mouth before you could think twice about it. His movements come to a sudden halt, causing you to realize what you've just said. Out loud. Ugh, you feel equally mortified and turned on.

"Mommy, huh?" he chuckles lightly.

"S-sorry," you hide your face behind your palms.

"It's okay, I can be your mommy," Seonghwa grabs your wrists and pushes your hands above your head. "I'll take good care of you, yeah? Wish you could see yourself, my most precious girl."

"Hwa, please, I mean…mommy, need you so badly," you stumble through your words weakly.

"I'm right here, my sweet baby, I'll give you what you need," he plays along. "Does mommy's cock feel good inside you?"

"S-so g-good, mommy, thank you, thank you so much," it hasn't even been that long and you already feel fucked out, utterly and irreversibly at his mercy.

"Don't thank me, dearest, I'm just treating you the way you deserve," Seonghwa vows and before you know it, you are clenching around his cock, while he is spilling inside the condom.

You can't think, can't speak, can't do anything. Nothing exists in your mind anymore. Just him. The universe is completely blank save for that one shining star. You fail to register him leaving the room to dispose of the plastic and don't notice when he returns.

"Honey?" he says softly but his voice feels so distant. Kilometres away. You can't bring yourself to form a verbal response. "Are you okay?"

Seonghwa places gentle kisses on your cheeks in an attempt to bring you back to reality.

"Come back to me, darling, please, talk to me, I'm scared," he mumbles in between kisses.

"Hwa?" are your first words. Like a newborn baby looking for the comfort that only a true mother figure could provide.

"You're safe with me," Seonghwa tells you. "No one can hurt you here."

"I don't deserve you," you are suddenly crying, overwhelmed by how cared for and loved he's making you feel.

"Don't say that ever again, you hear me?" he speaks firmly but kindly, nonetheless. "You deserve to be happy. Am I making you happy?"

"So happy, you have no idea how much," you try your best to convince him for your sincerity.

"That's all I need to know," he nods. "Let me draw a bath for you and-"

You summon all the strength you have left and grip his hand as tightly as you physically can't.

"Don't leave me."

"I'm not leaving you," Seonghwa picks you up with ease and carries you all the way to the bathroom.

Once inside the warm bath, you are more capable to form full sentences and communicate what just happened with a clearer head.

"I'm sorry for springing up the whole mommy thing without discussing it in advance," you tell him.

"I don't mind, honestly. In fact, I think I'm perfect for the role."

You smile fondly and nudge his shoulder.

"Still. From now on, I'll try my best to talk about introducing anything new beforehand. It's only fair."

"Whatever makes you feel comfortable," he kisses your forehead as he rubs shampoo into your scalp. "But just so you know, I could never be mad at you."

"What if I want you to get mad every once in a while? You know…spank me for being a bad girl?" you suggest teasingly.

"Then, I'd be happy to oblige," Seonghwa replies enthusiastically and starts tickling you in a playful manner.

It is true that time heals all wounds and distance makes the heart grow fonder. A while later, you feel ready to talk to your mom again (somewhat influenced by your dad's pleading and Seonghwa's reassurance).

"Hi, mom," you greet her calmly over the phone.

"Hi, sweetie. I've missed you," she admits.

"Me too," and it's true. Even though she hurt you, you still love her.

"Have you been eating well?"

"Yeah, don't worry about that."

"Listen…I'm sorry for saying hurtful things and being so hard on you. I only do that because I think you're so smart and have the potential to do great things."

"Well you have a funny way of showing it," you chuckle dryly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…you never praise me for anything. I spent so many years trying to get your approval that I didn't stop for a second to think whether I was doing what I truly loved."

"I understand," your mom says. "I know it might be too late but I'll try to do better. If you'll let me."

"It's not too late. But I'm not coming back to live with you. I've got a boyfriend and a job here. And I'm…actually happy."

"I'm glad to hear that, sweetheart. You will visit eventually, right?"

"I will in the summer. I want us to work on our relationship," you explain patiently.

"Until then…we can Skype or something?" your mom suggests.

"Yeah, mom, we can do that," you laugh. "If you figure how to turn the computer on!"

"Hey!" your mom argues but her tone is amused "I'm not that old!"

"I know, I know," you keep laughing.

"I love you," she says seriously. And this time, you are willing to believe her.

"Love you too, mom," you answer truthfully and hang up the phone.

You look at Seonghwa who was quietly cutting vegetables. His mere presence in the room was giving you strength and moral support.

"I did it," you announce the obvious. "I talked to my mom."

"You did so well. I'm really proud of you, angel," he wraps you into the world's most comforting hug.

"Things won't get magically fixed but…it's a start."

"You did the right thing."

"I couldn't have done it without you, Hwa," you admit truthfully. "You light up my whole dark existence, my precious star."

"Oh, baby," Seonghwa holds your hands. "Stars can't shine without darkness."

Bonus:

You are so happy to have cooked spaghetti carbonara for your boyfriend, your darling, your starshine, your marvellous Hwa. You really hope he likes it because you've worked so hard on it and it's his birthday so you wanted to do something special for him. He has given you so much care and affection so this is the least you could do to express how grateful you are.

"Happy birthday, my love," you kiss him gently, presenting the meal in front of him. "I have other gifts, as well, but food first before it gets cold!"

"Aw, baby, you didn't have to do all that," Seonghwa smiles, touched by your efforts.

"Come on, try it!" you are practically bouncing with excitement to see his reaction.

"It's really delicious, my angel! You did a wonderful job!" he praises you, sincerity clear in his voice.

You can't take it and you burst into tears.

"Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?" Seonghwa puts the fork down, immediately worried about your well-being.

"No, it's just…the first time anyone's praised my cooking. It feels incredibly special coming from you, considering you are so brilliant in the kitchen."

"The kitchen is not the only place where I'm incredible," he winks, looking at the bedroom.

"Eat, eat! We'll unwrap the gifts later in that other place," you wipe your tears and encourage him to enjoy his meal.

"Oh, sunshine, you are the only gift I could ask for," Seonghwa promises and goes back to the carbonara. And perhaps, this is what having a home feels like.

The End

#ateez #seonghwa #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa smut #mommy seonghwa #mommy!seonghwa #ateez smut #ateez angst #seonghwa fluff #ateez fluff #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #seonghwa imagines #writing

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tarotwithavi · 1 year

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PAC : Some (really) honest things you need to know 🤝

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Trigger warning : curse words and harsh truth 💀 .

I just felt like doing it. I don't know I just felt a shift in energy around me. I am actually very nice if you know me. Let me tell you today my deck ain't taking shit. She/he /it / they/ I don't know what pronounce to use but yeah just my tarot deck spitting harsh truths.

Masterlist

Paid services

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Pile 1

You have to stand up for yourself instead of waiting for someone to stand up for you. People will always support a leader not a follower.

Talking rudely to people isn't cool, it's bitchy.

You can't shut off your emotions.

You shouldn't let people talk shit about you or make fun of you even if they are your family.

Stop romanticizing toxic men and relationships. Play boys aren't cool. And calling yourself a playboy/playgirl isn't too.

Pretty privilege is real and looks actually matter.

But having a nice/interesting personality is more important.

Start loving yourself and see the world change.

Stop asking for validation from people. It's ain't shit. You should know your worth.

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Pile 2

Spend more time with your elders they aren't going to stay with your forever.

Someone here is too obsessed with fiction and their idol. Babe it ain't real. Get out of your head.

It's okay to be weird and cringe, you can't always be cool.

And don't hate someone for being cringe you aren't playing their bills. And it doesn't matter even if your were.

You can't succeed if you aren't patient and humble.

It's normal to have messed up days Or even months. You shouldn't blame your life for it.

Death is not an end. It's starting of something more beautiful.

Don't blame life for what you couldn't get. Life gave you your chance.

Being rich/popular is not what it seems on social media. It's fucked up.

Don't blame yourself for missed opportunities. Just be careful next time.

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Pile 3

You could be seeing lots of 888/444/1010.

You'll HAVE to work hard if you want to achieve something. Nothing comes from procrastinating.

Make some real life friends too. Online friends aren't everything. And you need real life friends too.

Appreciate your body. It saved you from a fucking pandemic.

Stop following trends and beauty standards. They literally change in seconds. Do/ wear what you feel comfortable in.

It's okay to feel jealous/ envious of someone. These are human emotions. Just don't let them get in your head.

Talking back to teachers or someone who's trying to teach you something isn't savage. Respect your teachers.

It's okay to be hopeless. Because hopes / expectations will only hurt you.

If you're helping someone don't expect anything In return. If you expect things in return it isn't goodwill.

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#tarot cards #tarot reading #free readings #tarot #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #oracle reading #pac tarot #free tarot #pick an image #pick a photo #tarotblr #pick a crystal #tarot readers of tumblr #tarot readings #tarottribe #tarotcommunity

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yawnzzznnn · 10 months

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♡︎Fairytale Boyfriend - Hyunwoo♡︎

Summery: you And Hyunwoo have been dating for a good 10 months having met threw mutual friends and had similar interests but the only issue is Hyunwoo was all the way in Korea and you were on the other side of the world

Credits to: @yawnzzznnn (author)

@/Il0veYunho (request) @yemonni (error corrector)

Note: I don't not own any characters other than Yn this is strictly my imagination so don't take this personally

TW: cursing : online relationships : mentions of pedophilia and Creepy Old men : sleeping with someone being miss interpretated : mentions of someone having a dirty mind : meeting strangers from online (don't do that) :

Special thanks to: @/il0veyunho @yemonni

Reblogs are appreciated

Words: 2,370

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Was the text you woke up to the next morning even tho he sent it late at night for you mid day for him, he still always finds a way to speak to you rather that be staying up late just to hear your morning voice or waking up early to hear how your day is going and you do the same for him staying up late and waking up early a hopeless romantic as some people would say.

It was no secret how head over heels both you and Hyunwoo were for each other even tho having never met in real life you both felt like you knew each other pretty well, you know how quiet and shy Hyunwoo can be and he knew how out going you can be when your excited. Hyunwoo often says he's favorite part about you is the way you explain things into detail over text and on call.

Was what you responded with even tho some people find it Annoying when someone can't use there words to explain things but it's one of the many many things Hyunwoo loves about you he has stated plenty of times before that he finds it cute when you stutter and change your sentenes

Popped on your screen a smile grew on your face once you seen who was calling "Hello?" You answered "Hai" he responded back the smile clear in his voice "I didn't wake you did I?" He asked his tone now filled with worry "no no of course not don't worry, I was already awake if you ment by the call but if you ment the texts then no I woke up cuz I needed something to drink" you reassured him "oh thank God..." He trailed off "sorry for the spam-" he laughed out a breathy giggle

His giggle caused a chain reaction to you and made you giggle "it was cute i love when you randomly get romantic" you stated in a hushed tone shy to admit it on the other line you could hear Hyunwoo coo at how cute you were being "shhh" you said wanting him to stop "your so cute ugh I wish I could be with you right now" he said his tone getting quieter towards the end of his sentence

"Me too but this is how things are we can't really do much to change it seeing as you turned 18 in December last year barley an adult and I just turned 18 but hopefully in the near future we will both have stable jobs and able to take care of ourselves so we can spend time together not online" you stated he hummed in agreement

"what would be the first thing we do together tho-" he asked as he went deep into his thoughts "probably sleep together" you said you hear a choked gasp come from the other line causing you to look down at your phone once you hear him start coughing you realize what he thought you meant "OMG NOT LIKE THAT!" you half yelled as your eyes grew wide as you were trying to go back on your words you heard Hyunwoo start laughing

"It's ok! You don't have to explain yourself" he said as he tried to calm himself down "your just dirty minded you were the only one thinking that way" you said the pout on your face prominent in your tone "oh wait-" Hyunwoo said, you heard someone in the background talking but you couldn't make out what they said.

"Aww ok...I gotta go" Hyunwoo said after talking with another person you sighed "ah ok have a good day" you said trying not to sound upset "I'll talk with you later tonight, I love you" he said waiting for yor reply "I love you too" you said and hung up the phone you checked the time which read 1:09 AM and sighed before plugging your phone back in and laying down once again drifting into the dream land

By the time you had woken up it was 10am you got up to do your normal routine while eating you had a thought of going and visiting Hyunwoo for the first time having one of his members numbers and social media because he introduce you two you quickly looked up how much a plane ticket to Soul South Korea was although it was hefty you had been saving up to buy a your own house but your parents can help you with the money again

Noting you had enough to go you bought the ticket your flight was on Friday at 6:30 AM today was Thursday so you had time to get packed and buy the things you need and to talk it over with your parents. Although your parents had some concerns of meeting a stranger and leaving (whever) to a new country they accepted seeing how excited you were to finally see your boyfriend of 10 months

After almost all day of you and Sumin texting back and forth about plans for when you get to Korea and you talking with Hyunwoo you finally got up to pack "don't forget your shampoo" your mom said as she brought it too you "oh and your toothbrush and toothpaste" your dad said as he handed them to you "I'm gonna miss you" your mom stated causing your dad to nod in agreement "it's only a month besides I'm going to be with two people I know" you said reassuring her

"I know I know it's just....my baby in another country all the way across the world" your mom cried out you sighed as your dad ushered her out the room your phone pinged with another text from Hyunwoo the rest of your night till you passed out were texts back and forth with Hyunwoo and you being careful not to spoil your surprise

That night you barley got sleep from how excited you were to finally see your best friend of 3 years Sumin and your boyfriend of 10 months Hyunwoo you woke up at 5:00AM to get ready and get your stuff in your parents car once you were all finished with everything it was around 5:50 so you still had time for a quick shower and all that stuff

Your parents drove you to the airport once you got there they said there heartfelt goodbyes and wished you luck you said your heartfelt goodbyes before walking to your gate the flight was long and boring you couldn't even text Hyunwoo or Sumin or anyone else in that fact so you were stuck with playing solitaire for your 32 hour and 37 minute flight

Once you landed you were quick to get off the plane now practically vibrating with excitement you went to baggage claim and texted Sumin you had landed although you wanted to reply to Hyunwoo you didn't wanna ruin the surprise so you turned your phone off got your bags and waited for Sumin

After what felt like days of waiting even though it was a little less than 20 minutes you saw Sumin running towards you "BESTIE" he yelled has he welcomed you into a warm hug you giggled befkre pulling away "you know Hyunwoo has been sulking all day" he said as he picked up your bag for you "don't make me feel worse about not responding I was tempted too but I decided not too just to add the cherry on top of the surprise" you said as you followed Sumin to the Uber

He hummed before speaking "I mean as soon as you walk threw the door he's gonna forget all about you ignoring him so don't think much of it" Sumin assured you the car ride to there dorm was filled with you and Sumin gossiping about other people and dying of laughter

"AaaNnnd were hereee!" Sumin said dragging out his words "here I'll take these" you said as you tried to take your bag from Sumin who had already gotten out of the car with you following closely behind "yeahhh not a chance I told Hyunwoo I was going out for food so he's gonna waiting right at the entrance and I know he'll tackle you so I don't want anything broken" he said moving your bags farther away from you

You sighed in defeat as you continued to follow him to the door "you wait here don't come in till you hear your phone ping" he said in a hushed tone you nodded your head without quistion you hid behind the wall as Sumin walked in you could hear Hyunwoo wine about no food before asking why Sumin was holding so many bags and why they smelt of perfume/cologne he didn't recognize

You couldn't hear sumins response but your did hear your phone ping you checked to make sure it was Sumin and not something else after confirming it was your signal to go inside you walked in you saw Sumin and Hyunwoo at the front still

Talking

You started looking around awkwardly waiting for someone to acknowledge you when you looked up at the ceiling you heard a sharp gasp before being tackled to the ground knocking the wind out of your lungs it took a minute for you to come back to reality before you wrapped your arms around what you recognized as your boyfriend hugging you

"Oh I'm good" Sumin said as he gave himself a pat on the back Hyunwoo let out a confused noise "Before we came in he said you will do this" you stated nuzzling nose in his neck, in response Hyunwoo didn't say anything instead he got up pulling you along with him before dragging you to his room "sit sit" he said like an excited dog you followed what he asked and sat down on his bed

Hyunwoo following close behind and turned to face you "how long will you be here?" He asked "about a month possibly longer if I find a hotel cheep enough" you responded thinking back to the hotels you found online "hotel....-" he said confused "oh no no your not staying in a hotel look my bed is big enough" he said pointing at the mattress under the two of you

"Hyunwoo I love you but I cant I don't wanna intrude" you said as you looked down at the floor with a small pout on your face in hopes to sway Hyunwoo to let you stay at a hotel "yeahhh not happening think about it if you stay with me in my bed at my dorm you don't gotta wast money and you get to stay longer" he said as he grabbed your hands and started waving them around like a child on a sugar rush

After almost 30 minutes of Hyunwoo begging you to stay you finally agreed causing Hyunwoo to do a little dance out of excitement "ok you + me = ice cream right now" Hyunwoo suddenly said as he stood up pulling you up with him "can you at least drive?" You asked casuing Hyunwoo to shake his head 'no' with a childlike innocence

You sighed before letting him drag you out the house and down the road all the way the ice cream parlor once you got your ice cream you and Hyunwoo sat on a bench close to the park a little ways from the ice cream parlor Hyunwoo giggled as he noticed some ice cream melting from your cone/cup while you pouted staring at it with a glare

He gave you a wet towelette to whipe the sticky liquid away after awhile of two chatting on the bench rain started pouring from no where soaking you both instantly instead of being upset and running to the nearest shelter you both looked at each other and giggled

Suddenly Hyunwoo stood up and reach a hand to you "Come on!" He said shouting over the drops falling from the sky you looked at him before reaching your hand up and grasping his "Dance with me" he said as he leaned closer to your ear you giggled at the feeling of his breath and his hopeless romantic attitude

"Hyunwoo we'll get sick" you giggled in response he just shrugged before pulling you closer and start swaying you both back and forth. You knew he was going to be stubborn about it so you just let him do whatever he wanted, soon after he started hummimg a ballroom tune as he twirled you around

Water droplets flinging from your hair as if you were in a fairytale Hyunwoo seemed to think so too, he stopped spinning you and made you face him he leaned down so he was face to face with you "you know I love you right?" He asked you nodded your head lightly "of course you tell me how much I mean to you a lot even if you don't think you do" you stated as you looked into his eyes

Instead of shying away like he thought he would he leaned down to press your lips together, a cliché but romantic gesture kissing in the rain with no one around seemed right out of a fairytale evey little kid dreams of this having someone so willing to do this with them, I guess Hyunwoo is your fairytale boyfriend

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆⋆｡ﾟ

#x reader #hyunwoo #xikers head cannons #xikers #x xikers #xikers x reader #xikers one shots #xikers x you #xikers x yn #xikers imagines #hyunwoo imagines #xikers hyunwoo #xikers hyunwoo x reader #hyunwoo one shots #xikers smau

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my-rose-tinted-glasses · 5 months

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Kinou Nani tabeta. aka My Heart is Full aka I suck at titles

Let me just say before anything else. This is not a recap or a review. This is me feeling the need to write down my feelings because they are pouring out of me. This is more a personal note than anything else so skip it if that's not your thing.

I always watch this show on saturday mornings, with my coffee and breakfast, because it gives me a boost for the weekend. And I wanted to postpone the final episode as much as possible but I just couldn't. I gave in.

Second FYI. This will probably be incoherent and a mess because that's how I feel. Also, this fucking menopause (surgical, don't give me too many extra years) is really making a mess of my emotional state this week, so I'm all over the place. Also I might've had some wine. Also this may be a bit long. I think that's it.

How I got here

So, I've loved cinema since I was like 7. (yeah I'm going really back in time) Because my mom like films, she dragged to the cinema even when I was way too young for whatever was on. [ Fun Side note- The first film that I saw in the cinema was Bram Stoker's Dracula, when I was like 6, and my mum got into an argument with the cinema employee because" I am her mother, and I'll decide what she can or can't watch"and so I did watch it.]

So I always loved watching films, talking about them and eventually went to uni to learn how to make them. During that time, I went through a phase (which happened to a couple other people in my school) where I kinda got emotionally detached from the stories. I could only see the camera angles, the lighting, the editing, etc.

When I was done with uni, and had decided that editing was my favourite thing I started doing a bit of work in editing, mostly online stuff and a couple of ads in London, and 3 years later I was done. Obviously there were life factors and health factors that contributed to this, but still I left it all behind.

Then, I quickly went back to being able to watch stories with all the emotions.

Let's skip forward to present day.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? feel in my lap by way of my very first BL. Seven Days. I watched those films and went through all the emotions and needed more. More of that serotonin please.

So I got in research mode and that's when I found this wonderful world of BL and eventually this show.

Now, a little bit more about me, just in case you aren't sick of me talking about myself. I'm not a jolly person. If you asked anyone that knows me irl, they would describe me as someone who always thinks the sky is falling. However, I also love a lot of things deeply, and when it comes to things that I can't find a word big enough for it I call it magic. So I'll use it here.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? is magic.

If this show was a meal then the absolutely right ingredients were found, they were put in the hands of the best cooks and everything was prepared with love and care. This show that I love, was put together by people who love it, and couldn't not make it. This is what I believe. It's my kind of faith.

I've seen so many shows, I've loved so many of them, a lot of them touched me deeply. But only a few touched me this way.

When there is love in something, real care and empathy in the making of something, you can feel it, I believe. And I feel it so much watching this show. I get emotional just writing this.

I wish I could thank every single person that made this show possible. And we could argue all day about the quality of a show, its actors, writers or directors. I could argue why my favourite show is better than your favourite show, and why your show is more important than my show, and why that show failed and another succeeded. I will not argue about the importance of this show and my faith is unshakable.

Maybe because I love food so much and in my life my love filled moments were always around food, I connected at first with Kenji, because his reactions to food resemble mine. But this season Shiro stole my heart and soul. His quiet but profound way of loving Kenji made cry more than any sad scene ever could. And onions and chicken thighs will forever have deeper meaning in my kitchen. These two characters are so well written and so well acted, the words are so layered and so meaningful, that it's a miracle to me that it exists and that I got to watch it.

I'm sure other people will write much better posts about this show, and will probably be better (at a hell of a lot more on point) at writing about all the amazing things that this show has done. But I'm an emotional wreck and I could only write from a personal place today.

I'll be rewatching this show in it's entirety soon, because the evolution of these characters, Shiro specially, was such a joy to witness.

If you read this far, thank you. 💜

#kinou nani tabeta?#what did you eat yesterday?#what did you eat yesterday S2 #it has never been so hard to hit the post button #i'm having so many feeling about posting this #i'm a wreck right now

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armpirate · 4 months

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Soundleasure | Choi San || CH. 3

Pairings: Soft!San x fem!reader || Strangers to lovers, fake dating

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, online sex, ghosting

Warnings: inexperienced!San, fem!reader, masturbation, online sex, camboy, first times.

Summary: You can do whatever you please and be whoever you want on the Internet. And San knew that a little bit too well.

After finally following all the signs the universe was throwing at him, he started living a double life that no one was aware of. Everyone in his daily life knew him as Choi San, the reserved and quiet boy who wouldn't raise his voice, and would barely communicate with anyone outside of his comfort group. But only a few knew him as Soundleasure, the man with a sexy voice and a filthy mind that had their toes curling just with his narrations.

He never thought of the possibility of those two lives ever meeting, he had always tried for them to follow a parallel route and had always played safe to keep his friends from ever suspecting that side even existed. But his plans will start to crumble when he gets a little too close with one of his subscribers and she invades his real-self and altergo's universes without being able to stop it.

Y/n will not only help him to keep his secret from his circle, but will also show him there's more of Soundleasure in him than he'd like to admit.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

Aprox. time of reading: 15 minutes

Chapter warnings: Dirty talk, masturbation (female and male)

Ever since that first day, the conversations between them were quite frequent. Y/n had a type of attraction he just couldn't resist. Maybe it was the way she wrote those messages, letting her personality get through each one of the words that popped on his screen. She was charismatic and funny, she just made it easy for him to talk to. He usually never felt that way with anyone. Even at times, it took him a bit out of him to keep conversations with Wooyoung or Mingi -although they were his closest friends.

Not with Y/n though.

As soon as she felt the conversation was close to dying, she brought up a new topic onto it to keep it alive. And he followed easily, wanting as much as her to keep the conversation going. She was the perfect balance of sexy and friendly. There were some times she'd flirt or send something with a double meaning, but she was also interesting.

By the way she talked, San could tell her job was no joke. She had mentioned a few times how her team had her back whenever she needed, but still wasn't allowed to take a breath whenever she was too overwhelmed by work.

Y/n: You make me feel so comfortable though. I really like talking to you (leaving your videos aside)

San: You also make me feel great. I don't have it easy to connect with people, but it goes so natural with you

Y/n: I can't buy that. You seem quite easy-going.

San: Only in the videos.

San: In real life I'm too reserved

San: I think you're the only person who knows my secret, but that's also been able to connect with the real me

Y/n smiled, touched by those words and the meaning behind them. It wasn't only a cool friendship they had going on, both of them built a connection safe enough to be their real selves. And something about San opening so much to her made her feel privileged.

In a world where everything happened at the speed of light, and where everyone is way too impatient to let things build up, she met someone who adapted to her pace and with whom she felt compatible with. Of course she was attracted to him due to Soundleasure, but something about San felt so unique and completely different from all the other boys she tried to date, that she just felt encouraged to keep building that connection through the screen.

He helped her to disconnect whenever she was too stressed, but he was also becoming part of her day. To the point where she'd feel weird if she didn't talk to him at all.

If she thought San was only attractive in those videos, he proved her wrong by the way he acted so charming and close the more they talked. She always gave up the idea of sending him a text, convincing herself that she'd lose interest as soon as he seemed approachable enough -or as soon as he felt comfortable enough to show his true colors. But she was so mistaken. It was like he threw a hook on her, and every time he pulled her in, she got more attached.

And completely in order to get more hooked, she sent him the username of the chatting app she used the most.

Y/n: I think it'd be more comfortable if we talk somewhere else

He didn't have that app, but he still downloaded and created a new account just to be able to keep talking with her somewhere else that wasn't the porn site he worked in.

She looked through the crystal walls of her office, checking how everyone was working focused on their computers, except for the two people of always. Jeremy and Allen were a pain in the ass for her when it came to keeping their focus -or their asses- on their chairs, but they were effective with everything related to dealing with suppliers or finding solutions. And, at the end of the day, that was what mattered the most for her.

Her phone buzzed at the top of her desk, making her reach for it without moving her gaze from the screen of her computer, as she scrolled down the reports she had asked her team to prepare for the closing week.

It shifted fast when she saw San's text on a different notification to the one she was used to. Her smile was tempting her face to make it widely known how happy she was, but she held back, pressing her lips together as hard as she was able to to control herself.

Not only was it more comfortable to talk there, but she also had wanted to send him a pic so he could know what she looked like -and, if she was lucky, he'd also let her see whether his voice went along with his looks.

She couldn't send a picture taken at the exact moment, but she sent one of the most recent ones. She actually remembered how she sent that same picture to Jordan before they had a date, and it made her momentarily shrink on the spot, before she tapped over the "send" button.

—Y/n —she heard her name being called by a soft and thin voice.

When she looked up, she could see the head of her secretary peeking through the crystal door, before Y/n motioned her to step inside.

—Here's the inventory of this month —Jennifer handed her a file with several pages.

—Great —Y/n nodded—. Could you also send it to my email? I want to have a digital copy of this.

And of everything.

Maybe it was just a fad, but ever since started working she always needed to have all the information on both formats. Just in case something happened, she could always count on one or the other.

While Jennifer nodded, Y/n's phone buzzed again. Her smile was instant as she opened the text and saw his picture.

His head was covered by the gray hood he had on, but she could still see some of his black locks falling on each side of his face, almost reaching his marked cheekbones. His brown eyes were narrow, but they had such a kind look, that it balanced perfectly the contrast of the two. His jaw, almost covered by the piece of clothing, was sharp and angular -the perfect line to move her lips across, and she could also spot some hidden freckles on the side of his neck. His heart-shaped full lips had a pale pink color, that she was sure turned a dark strawberry tone after a good make out session.

That man not only had the charisma, he also had the looks. And she had been lucky enough to have him replying back to her first text days back.

—Shit. Yes —she cheered.

Jennifer, who was making her way to the door, turned to Y/n, dedicating her superior a confused look by her ecstatic voice.

—The numbers are great —Y/n tried to play it cool, reducing it to the file she had just been handed—. Good job —she praised, raising her thumb until her secretary left her office with a forced smile.

San giggled when she praised him, telling him how good he looked and how he had no business hiding all of that. And he thought the same way of her. Rewatching the picture she had sent, he bit his lip. Her eyes were shining with a malicious brightness that he was dying to discover, her lips were stretched on a gentle smile that contrasted with it, but at the same time added a lot of personality to her gaze. Her short hair was spread under her over the mattress, making him guess it probably was no longer than shoulder-length. Despite the mischievous aura surrounding her, there was some child-like attitude.

He was so thankful to have felt so socially pressed to look through his phone to be aware of her text...

—San, we're playing, leave your phone for a damned second —Wooyoung called him out.

Feeling called out, he saved his phone in the back pocket of his jeans, going back into the present.

Saturdays were always a chill time for the group. Since both Mingi and Wooyoung had the weekends off, and San clearly did -since he was still studying-, they moved their game day towards the end of the week. All of them sat around in their living room, putting the shades down so the room would be dark enough, and starting the video console to spend the rest of the evening in front of the TV.

—I don't want either of you on my team —Wooyoung concluded.

—Wait, why? —Mingi complained.

—Fine. I didn't want to be in it either —San muttered, turning to the bigger screen.

—What did you say? —Wooyoung grabbed him by the sleeve of his black t-shirt.

—Here we go again —Yunho sighed through the speaker of their headphones.

While it was something new for the people who had just joined the group by Wooyoung -and that weren't exactly surprised by his teasing after meeting him at work-, Mingi, Yeosang and Yunho knew that bickering would probably last from five to ten minutes until they realized everyone was waiting for them to start playing.

—Let's do it like this —Hongjoong talked—. San, Mingi and Jongho go with me. And Seonghwa, Yeosang and Yunho go with Wooyoung.

—Why aren't you going with me? —Seonghwa complained through the speaker.

—But I wanted to team up with Yunho —Mingi grumbled.

San's back rested against the couch, as he stretched his legs on the wooden floor. He knew that game would take some long fifteen minutes to kick off.

Y/n dropped her back over her long gray chaise longue, letting out a sigh as she bent slightly to support her hands over the backrest. Not even the good sight of the city of Boston was relaxing her. Actually, seeing her reflection on the big windows was a reminder of how exhaustion took a toll on the way she looked towards the end of the day.

Her feet were still hurting, and although she took off her heels as soon as she crossed the door, before walking down the two steps at the entrance, she could feel her foot bridge having the same curvature it was forced to have due to her shoes.

She started undressing herself, getting rid of the white shirt that was tugged in her plaid pants first. Her body was craving a good long relaxing bath, and she was going to give it to herself.

Although the silence she was looking forward to was interrupted by the sound of a notification on her phone, making her whine at the thought of it being an emergency in the company. Unlike what she expected, her smile took no longer than a second to appear.

San: Sorry for the late reply. I was with my friends.

San: They take the "No phones" rule a bit too seriously.

Y/N: It's alright. I wouldn't have been able to answer back either. It was a crazy day.

Upstairs, she left her phone on the black double marble sink, taking off the rest of her clothes to put it inside the laundry basket -that was hidden in one of the drawers under the sink. The environment was heating up and getting a bit heavier by the mist created by the hot water running down into her bathtub.

It was that level of humidity and warmth that her body was craving for.

She dragged the slim metallic support that she only used to keep her phone near in case someone texted or called her, breaking her peace that she so much adored. That day she wouldn't care though. She moved the support, and placed her phone and a small towel in the middle, in hopes that San would keep texting her throughout her bath.

A gasp broke the silence when she first sneaked her tiptoe inside hot water, surprised by the difference of temperature, but slowly feeling invited to dig her whole body inside until only her head was left out.

Maybe a cup of wine would've made it better, but she remembered it way too late to prepare it.

She smirked when the sound of a new notification echoed in the silence of her bathroom, barely giving it a few seconds before she was putting both of her arms out to dry her hands and pick the phone.

San: Busy day?

Y/n: You have no idea. I could only see the end of it

San: Are you back home already?

Y/n: Yup. And the first thing I did was prepare a good bath.

San laid on his back in his bed, trying to control the several images that were going through his head at that moment.

San: Quite rude of you to rub it on my face

And she was planning to take it a bit further. Placing her phone a bit over her head, she took a picture, showing off the way her knees slightly peeked over the white foam, that made a relaxing noise that almost made her fall asleep a few times.

He sat quickly on his bed, making the blankets move to his hips, as he looked at the picture she just had sent. She was teasing him in the most unfair ways he could think of.

Y/n: Do you think we could call? I'm scared of the phone slipping at any time

In a way, it was true. She wasn't that clumsy, but she knew she was risking it a bit too much by having a conversation with San while being neck deep in a bath. It'd only bad for her phone, and she could perfectly picture the moment it slipped through her fingers through the foam.

Instead of answering, San directly called her. He didn't know it was possible to make phone calls through apps where they didn't share their phone numbers, until Y/n mentioned the one she used.

After sliding her finger to answer her phone, and put the speaker on, she left it back on the support.

The first few seconds were in silence. Neither of them were brave enough to take the step of speaking first.

—So, is the bath actually relaxing you?

Y/n smiled at the question, a bit surprised by how gentle his voice sounded. She was used to the raspy thick voice he used in his videos, but she also liked the way his thinner tone sounded so charming and close.

—Yeah, it is —she smiled—. I was dying for this —she admitted, letting her head fall back towards the edge of the tub.

—I think I need one, too.

—Why? Game day went wrong? —she joked.

—Well, sometimes it's complicated. And they also are quite good at getting on my nerves —his comment made her giggle—. But it's more because of the pic you sent. That spot in front of you looked empty.

—Are you volunteering to fill it up? —Y/n teased, closing her eyes as she spoke— I should warn you: it's not easy to earn that spot.

San moved his head back, resting it against the wall as he tried to stop the images that were going through his head and that were keeping him from talking.

—You're always saying I'm the one who should earn things —he answered back—, but I think you're the one who should convince me of what's so special about it.

He sounded so calm, but he was freaking out at the sound of the water moving. San could only picture how the water was at the perfect height to have the layer of foam covering her body, teasing him enough the humid valley of her breasts perking through.

Her skin was heating up, probably reaching temperatures higher than the ones in the water as she thought of the several ways she could please his words.

—Are you going to play hard to get? —Y/n asked.

—I know that's more your thing —he chuckled—, but it's just fair you tell me why you want me so bad there.

—I want to fuck you.

San almost choked on his spit as how straightforward she was, feeling his dick twitch in his boxers in reaction.

For her, there was no point in sugarcoating it. Not even two days back she was masturbating again to one of his latest videos, and there was a reason why she made sure to keep a conversation as she bathed -when she considered it her peaceful and silent time. She did want him, and it was the only thing she could think about ever since he sent her a picture of him.

—So hard that the water keeps leaking out until we make a mess on the floor —her hand ventured past her knee, moving down to her inner thigh—, ride you so good that the water keeps splashing everywhere. Does that sound convincing enough?

His hand sneaked inside his pants, palming his growing bulge over the fabric of his boxers as he tried to regain some consciousness back after everything she said. But there was no turn back, and she didn't want it either.

—You'd look so good taking my cock —he groaned, lowering her pants and boxers enough just to set his boner free.

The image of her wet curves bouncing against him, with some bits of foam rolling down her skin, as she moaned her lungs out with every move of her hips was replaying in his head like a video, taking him far from his room and back exactly to where she was.

—You want to feel me deep, don't you? —his voice sounded hoarse. There was no trace of the gentle voice he started the phone call with— I will stretch your pussy out, inch by inch, hmm? So fucking good.

San loudly spitted on his hand, before he wrapped himself around his fingers. The sound made her clit throb under her fingerprints, before she flicked two of her fingers, tracing slow circles as she closed her eyes again, resting her head over the edge of the tub.

—While I look at you —she moaned—, because I want you to see how fucked out you make me.

—Fuck —San hissed.

It was insane how turned on he was at just words and an image. Just the idea of that same malicious brightness looking down at him, while he pounded into her, would be enough to make him reach his high within seconds. But he was more eager at the real picture of that moment. Y/n deep down the waters, venturing her hand in between her legs and sliding her fingers through her wet slit, after he made her reach that level. So ready for him, yet so far that it made him groan in frustration.

—Are you touching yourself? —he dared to ask.

It was an assumption after he heard her lowly whimpering, along with the few times the water made a squelching sound in the background.

—Yes —she answered with a thin voice.

—Let me hear you, Y/n —San commanded, moving his hand faster up and down his shaft—. I want to know how much those moans are worth it.

Unlike other times in his videos, his voice sounded more like whispers, low, just like some of his whines were cut off or prolonged in an attempt to control his throat. And, genuinely, there was something so sexy in the way he was so turned on to the point that he had to control himself, that it made her let the first moan set free.

There was no longer teasing, there were no words -at least not other than just a random "Shit" or "Fuck", before either of them changed the paced of their movements, or changed the angle of their positions for their own pleasure. The phone call turned to a mere exchange of moans and background noises that gave out what they were doing.

—Fuck... I'm gonna cum —he hissed through his teeth, feeling the way his dick throbbed on his palm with every move.

—I'm almost there —her back arched, as her other hand tried to find some support on the side of the tub—. Fuck, yes... I'm there.

—Don't stop —he encouraged them both with a whisper.

She reached her high first, feeling her eyes going to the back of her head at the same time her legs instantly closed when that familiar warmth ran over her from head to toe.

Hearing her, admiring the first continuous and loud breathings that just warmed her up for a loud moan that made her voice crack, worked as a button that settled an automatic response in his body, spilling his load over his black t-shirt.

—Oh, shit —he complained.

—What? —Y/n asked with a still shaky voice.

—Wait a moment, I gotta clean myself.

—Don't worry. I'll get out of the tub, too.

The water went from hot to being chill, almost cold. It was already time for her to get out of there.

—I'll text you in five —San assured her.

His gentle voice was back, making her smile at the same time she said goodbye to him, knowing damn well they'd probably spend two hours more talking through texts, the same they had been doing since they started chatting.

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binnieceo · 3 months

Note

"I don't support it in real life!"

Then why write about it? If for coping purposes, why post it online for others (especially actual predators) to see and consume? Then why portray those things in a positive light instead of condemning them?And you're seriously going to tell me that just because as an adult you want to see a fictional minor (that mind you, is usually designed to resemble an actual child) depicted in sexual situations doesn't mean you don't share that same view concerning children in real life? You find fictional minors attractive but not real ones? Why does the line between finding someone who is (and usually also looks like) a child sexually attractive get drawn at whether the child is real or not? I'm not calling anyone pedophiles, but if the shoe fits... And also no, I am not talking about 18 y/os finding 17 y/os attractive. Use your brain. Creating content of underaged characters is still questionable regardless of age, however.

I have some free time and you were polite in your ask, so I'll answer you since I believe you were genuine in your question.

I'll answer your question in parts, if that's alright with you!

"I don't support it in real life!" Then why write about it?

Well, it's not because I don't support something that I'm not allowed to write about it!

Fiction is just that... fiction. They are stories. I'm sure there are many stories in your folclore that depict hideous acts (such as murder, rape, incest, etc etc) but neither you or your people agree with them or think that the things done in those stories are okay to be done in real life—because stories are just stories and bad things done in stories are meant to stay in those stories.

And dark content is present in most media forms, whether you like it or not. I don't know which fandoms you are a part of (since you sent this ask anonymously) but I'll just list a few:

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic has canonical torture, murder, racism, self-harm and even genocide

The Dragon Prince has canonical racism, torture, murder, kidnapping, blackmailing and gaslighting

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power has canonical slavery, racism, murder, torture, child soldiers, child abuse and much more (its been a while since I last watched SPOP so i don't remember)

Adult shows also tackle these subjects. Doctor House, Game of Thrones, Hannibal, The Simpsons, South Park... God, even the HOLY BIBLE has stories with rape, murder, slavery and much more in them! And that's a SACRED BOOK!

If for coping purposes, why post it online for others [...]

I don't speak for everyone who sees this post, but when I post online, I post for myself. My fanfics are all completely self-indulgent. And while I appreciate my readers, I don't write with them in mind.

But on that same note, the stories are mine and I can do whatever I want with them. This is the internet and I can post whatever I want, anytime I want. If I decide I want to post a rapefic on ao3, I will. If i want the fic to be private for me and my friends, it will stay private.

Plus, other people might find my stories and relate to them or even enjoy them! I write about rape and sexual harrassment, for example, because I am a survivor, and so many survivors have found my stories and messaged me about them, thanking me for putting into words what they couldn't. It's rewarding, really. Being able to connect with people so deeply over stories.

[...] (especially actual predators) to see and consume?

I'm gonna be completely honest with you. Predators, pedophiles and the like are NOT reading ao3 fanfiction. They are out there on chatting websites trying to prey on children, or going out of their way IRL to take advantage of young family members or unknown children/teenagers.

If I crave a hamburger, I'll go out of my way to eat it. I won't open a review talking about the burger or stare at pictures of burgers. The same goes for predators. NO PREDATOR OUT THERE is reading fanfiction about Klee Genshin Impact. Me posting or not posting my fanfiction WILL NOT CHANGE THAT.

But on the off chance that a pedophile really sees an underage fanfic of a fictional character, then... that's a good thing, don't you agree? I don't know about you but I'd much rather if a pedophile read smut of Klee Genshin Impact than if they went out of their way to abuse and traumatize a real, living and breathing child that exists in real life and will suffer for the rest of their lives because of it.

Characters are just that, characters. And in fanfiction, what we write about them isn't real, it isn't canon. They aren't even canonically traumatized by what we write, but real people are.

Why portray those things in a positive light instead of condemning them?

I don't know if you've ever read my fanfics or if you're just throwing this question out there, but to me personally, I have never written about rape/sexual assault and painted it in a positive light, much by the contrary.

As a survivor, I highlight how horrible the abuse made me feel and use my characters to talk about it. Not once have I glorified or written about sexual abuse in a positive light.

But if you're not talking about me personally, then I have to say... I'm sorry? Do you learn your morals from fictional content?

Ok fine maybe you can learn a few morals from MLP like "don't lie" and "be nice", but do you really open a show like South Park with racist, homophobic jokes and go "ah yes, this is a perfect example! I should base my morals off this show"? Do you?

Are you really unable to tell what is right or wrong by yourself? Does watching a slasher movie with a charismatic killer make you go "wow! Killers are amazing! I want to be like them!" Does watching action movies make you think that it's cool to commit arson and shoot people?

If your answer is yes, then I am so sorry but there is no other way to say this other than... that's your problem.

It's not the writers' duty to tell you what's wrong or right. They are not pre-school teachers who will grab you by the hand and point and tell you what you should or should not do-The writer has one and only ONE duty: To tell a story. They can portray whatever they want to portray in WHATEVER WAY they feel like, and you're supposed to be an adult about it.

And you're seriously going to tell me that just because as an adult you want to see a fictional minor [...] You find fictional minors attractive but not real ones?

Yes, because fictional minors are... fictional? They are not real? They DO NOT EXIST?

I'm so sorry but if I ever saw a child/teenager with the same proportions that lolisho/anime gives them then i'd be calling the authorities ON THE SPOT because THAT SHIT IS AN ALIEN AND IT IS NOT HUMAN.

Children don't look like that. Put up Klee Genshin Impact next to a real child. They are so incredibly different that once you notice how uncanny it is, you'll feel weirded out because she won't even look like she's human anymore.

You wouldn't accuse all furries of fucking real life dogs just because they think their blue dog fursonas are hot, would you? (what if anthro blue wolves were real? I'd be scared out of my mind to be honest,)

It's not because you're sexually attracted to something fictional that you find it hot in real life (god bless me and my breeding kink girlies who are sex repulsed and are terribly afraid of getting pregnant)

Hey, have you heard of like, lesbians who fall in love with fictional men? (like me lmao), do you think those fictional crushes make them any less lesbian? No, because these guys are not realistic. They have blue hair, extra limbs maybe, and were literally designed to be loved and to be perfect.

There are SOOOOO many examples I could give you, but I don't want to go on and on because I got my point across

But like, you do understand that fictional characters are... fictional, right? You can't even say that they are minors because... they aren't. They don't have a birth certificate, or a family tree saved in a country's government somewhere. They do not exist, you are aware of that, right?

When a "child" or "minor" is fictional, there is no child, there is no minor. You can't touch, groom, rape or abuse something that does not exist.

Law was made to protect the children who suffered, or who are, suffering because of abuse right now.

And by that i mean, real, living breathing human children who have their likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams for the future, and families that exist.

Fictional children/minors are nothing but tools, characters, a way of expression. THEY DON'T EXIST. They don't eat, they don't cry, they don't smile. They won't do anything unless they're commanded to by the writer.

They have no lives, no mind. And they will only grow up when the creator decides that it's time for that to happen. The line is there for this exact reason.

YOU CAN'T HURT OR PROTECT A CONCEPT.

You using your time to send this ask to "defend" PIXELS isn't doing anything to help or advocate for REAL CHILDREN who are suffering in the world right now.

Honestly, this only makes it seem like you're the one who doesn't care.

By the end of it all, i have no idea why you sent me this ask. Yeah I am anti-harassment but I don't think I've posted lolisho/underage content before? (again, I stray far from these because i find them icky and triggering) So I don't know why you focused so much on fictional children rather than the other things I do talk and post about on this blog.

And before I go, I want to shine a note here:

I'm not calling anyone pedophiles, but if the shoe fits...

I don't know how old you are, but you know damn well what you are saying and what you are doing. And I'm gonna say it again: Implying or flat out CALLING people pedophiles without proof can get you into real trouble.

Don't misuse that word. It has a meaning and a weight to it. I wasn't a victim of pedophilia myself but I know that real survivors would feel enraged at the way you're just throwing out words and accusations as if they were nothing, as if those people didn't suffer because of it.

I'm asking not for me, but for any other person who may come across this post, DON'T GO OUT THERE USING WORDS YOU DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF. You are causing more harm than good.

Also, send your asks un-anonymously next time. Don't be a coward.

Have a nice day!

#proshipper #proship please interact #anti harassment

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broodybuck · 6 months

Text

Title: Slow Burns Are Overrated

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Rating: E

Tags: 18+ explicit smut, social media AU, no powers AU, pre-serum Steve, booktuber Bucky, internet famous, top Bucky, bottom Steve, couch sex

[ao3 link]

Steve's not the biggest reader, he can admit this. But he is obsessed with watching one, very specific booktuber online. And alright, fine, Steve will admit it's only because the guy is hot.

Bucky Barnes can talk anyone's ear off about every novel Steve has never touched, but Steve will watch every single minute that Bucky uploads. As long as his beautiful face is on the screen.

Bucky doesn't talk about much else other than books and his cat Alpine who makes an occasional appearance in his videos. And so, Steve truthfully had no idea where the guy lives. He could've guessed New York simply from the slight accent in his voice but the city is huge and maybe he's from New York but has moved away. There are a thousand excuses Steve could tell himself when he happens to walk into the man himself in the small Brooklyn bookstore down the street from his apartment.

And yes, Steve doesn't read. He actually has never stepped foot in the place before today but he was walking past it and instantly thought of that cute face he watches online and just thought, why not? So he walked in for the first time ever and right into Bucky Barnes. Just as he was rounding the corner from the romance section because of course that would be the section he was browsing.

Steve's stunned the moment he recognizes the brown, wavy hair in front of him. The cute, dimpled face he's replayed for hours on end.

"Sorry, didn't see you there," Bucky says but the words only ring in Steve's ears because the voice matches, the face fits. It's Bucky freaking Barnes standing in front of him! He can't get over it.

"Are you okay?"

Steve quickly blinks out of his trance.

"What— um, yes. Sorry, I'm sorry for bumping into you."

"It was my bad, I wasn't looking," Bucky defends with a smile.

Dammit, that smile looks gorgeous on him in real life. Steve's mouth falls open slightly, he's so staring again.

"Romance fan?"

"What?" Steve asks shaking himself free again.

Bucky motions to the book in his hand. Steve looks down to see the romance novel he picked up. It was the last book Bucky raved about on his channel. A gay romance about two boys from the city. Steve couldn't help himself, he got curious.

"Oh, um. Actually, I'm not much of a reader. Trying it out."

"Well, that one's really good," Bucky tells him. "One of my personal faves."

"Yeah, I kn—" Steve stops himself. He can't humiliate himself anymore by admitting how often he watches this man on his laptop. "I've heard it's good, I mean. Hopefully I like it."

"I hope you do, let me know."

"How... would I?" Steve stammers like an idiot.

"I'm gonna be reading in the back. I spend most Sundays here. If you drop by, maybe I'll see you again," Bucky says, he even sounds hopeful.

Steve can barely form words, he's too shocked. He bites his tongue and nods.

Bucky smiles and walks around him to head to the back of the store where comfortable chairs are sprinkled into the corners.

Steve knows exactly where he'll be next Sunday.

~~~

Steve has never read a book so damn fast. He reads the entire novel in a week. Which for him is unbelievable. He knows Bucky can read a book in a few hours, he's documented this many times.

Still, Bucky doesn't have to know how long it took Steve. All that matters is that he can go back to the bookstore and tell Bucky all his thoughts.

The next Sunday, Steve finds him right where he said he'd be. In the back corner of the store, nestled into a deep red armchair with a novel in his hands.

He looks lovely, Steve takes a moment to stare until Bucky's eyes catch the slim figure lingering ahead of him and looks up.

Steve raises the book in his hand in a desperate attempt to prove why he is standing there.

"I read it," Steve says, stepping a little closer so he doesn't need to speak too loudly. He stops in front of the chair Bucky's sitting in. Bucky stares up at him with those bright blue eyes. Steve swears his legs could give out at any moment now.

"What'd you think?" Bucky asks.

"I loved it!" Steve exclaims and little too loudly. He winces and blushes. "Shit."

Bucky chuckles and stands so they're more eye to eye. Except they're not because Bucky is taller than him, so now those blue eyes are angeled down at him. Steve's not sure which is worse.

"I'm glad, what was your favorite part?"

Steve answers without really thinking, just genuinely blurts out what he liked best, "How much they wanted each other."

Bucky's eyebrows raise high and Steve's face goes hot.

"I mean, the build-up. You know? I guess I like a slow burn — I heard that's the word for it," Steve rambles on and leaves out that he learned all these terms from Bucky himself.

"Yeah, slow burn," Bucky smiles. "I like that too."

"Yeah," Steve nods and then suddenly, he's lost at what to say. He looks down and clutches the book tightly in his hands.

"If you liked that one, I could suggest a few more," Bucky offers. Steve's eyes jump back up.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Bucky says and starts leading them right back to the romance section. "How steamy do you like stuff?"

"Steamy?" Steve asks like an idiot. What else could steamy mean? But it's too late. Bucky turns around with a smirk on his face.

"You know, raunchy. The book you read is pretty tame. But if you want more spice, I know a really good one."

"Yeah, I could do with more spice," Steve lets slip and he can't believe he's just said it.

Bucky looks pleased though. He spins back around and scans the shelves for a mere second before finding the book he wants. He hands it over and Steve recognizes the cover immediately. It has orange flames and a rose on the front. He remembers Bucky reviewing it in one of his recent videos and rating the book a level 5 for spice. That's the highest level. Steve's face burns just thinking about it.

"G-great," Steve says nervously. "I'll let you know what I think when I'm done."

"I definitely want all the details," Bucky croons.

Steve's eyes go wide at the impish tone in his voice. The idea that he wants to talk about all the sex in the book. And god, Steve wants to go over every last naughty word with him and he hasn't even read it yet.

He rushes home to do just that.

~~~

Steve beats his previous record and finishes the second book in four days. Bucky would be proud, he thinks. And then he remembers every sex scene in the book — which was twelve, he counted — and gets hot all over just thinking about them. They were so graphic and all Steve thought about while reading them was Bucky.

He still has a few days before Sunday. So, in the meantime, Steve opens his laptop and sees a new video uploaded from Bucky. He clicks on it and begins watching right away.

Bucky starts out with his classic introduction and then gets into the books he's read this week. He holds up a book Steve recognizes and it takes a second for Steve to recall it's the book Bucky was reading in the store last week.

Bucky begins reviewing the novel with a soft smile. It's such a coy, sweet smile that Steve smiles too. He can't believe he's met this man in real life, he can't believe — Bucky's talking about him?!

Steve replays the clip.

"I guess that's what happens when you meet a cute guy in the bookstore. Leaves an impression on you, so I'm bumping this book up to a 3.5 rating."

Steve blinks and plays it again. His ears must be deceiving him but no. Bucky's talking about how he has fond memories of the book because of who he met while he was reading it last week. And Steve knows it was him. Saw the very book in Bucky's hands. Was at the same bookstore with him.

Steve sucks in a breath. Does this mean he actually has a chance?

~~~

Bucky's in the very same chair when Sunday arrives. This time, when Steve steps into the back corner of the bookstore, Bucky notices him immediately. Almost like he was waiting for him. He stands and smiles happily.

"Hey."

"Hey B—" and that's when Steve realizes they never exchanged names. And when Steve realizes how creepy it is that he knows exactly who Bucky is and hasn't told him yet. "I'm sorry."

Bucky looks at him funny.

"I uh, know who you are. I watch your videos," Steve confesses.

"Oh," Bucky responds simply. Steve can't tell if he's mad or not.

"I should've told you. I just couldn't believe I happened to run into you."

"So, you're actually a reader?" Bucky asks.

"Oh no, that wasn't a lie," Steve laughs. "The day I met you was the first time I ever stepped foot in here. You uh, inspired me... kinda."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm sure you get that all the time," Steve assumes.

"Not really."

"You don't?"

"Most of my viewers are already long-time readers and most people who come up to me don't even want to talk about books, they just tell me I'm hot," Bucky explains.

"I can't exactly argue there," Steve says quietly.

Bucky smiles, surprised, "I wouldn't mind it so much from you."

Steve rubs his neck awkwardly.

"I uh, watched your last video. I thought you might've been talking about me."

"I was," Bucky confirms and it feels surreal to hear.

"You're... interested?" Steve whispers.

Bucky looks confused, then frowns.

"Wasn't it obvious?"

"I mean, I kinda got the feeling but you're like way out of my league."

Bucky shakes his head, "Man, I've been waiting all week to ask you your name and now I'm out of your league?"

"No, you're outta mine! You could have anyone," Steve readily corrects and hears how ridiculous he sounds. "And it's Steve."

"It's nice to meet you, Steve," Bucky smiles, ignoring everything else.

Steve smiles much too wide and looks away.

"Um, so I read the book you recommended," Steve lifts it up in his hand. "It definitely had spice."

"Wanna talk about it over coffee?" Bucky offers.

Steve stares at him. Perhaps it's the romance books talking or maybe the unexpected confidence that emerges from Bucky Barnes telling scrawny Steve Rogers he's in his league.

"I got coffee at my apartment."

~~~

He's making out with Bucky Barnes. Holy shit, he's making out with Bucky Barnes on his couch, Steve thinks as he straddles the man and sticks his tongue in his mouth.

He never thought it would get this far. Then again, he knew what he was offering when he suggested his apartment and Bucky didn't really hesitate... so there's that.

Bucky grabs him by his waist and shoves him down against his crotch. Steve has to pull away to moan at the gloriously hard friction between them.

"You know, I don't usually do this," Steve decides to say then.

"Right," Bucky breathes, "you like slow burns."

Steve grins and kisses him for that. Their kiss turns desperate again and soon they're pushing off each other's clothes.

"This slow enough for you?" Bucky teases as he's pushing the head of his cock in. He'd been opening Steve up for the past twenty minutes so Steve's well and ready for nothing slow.

"Slow burns are overrated," Steve growls.

Bucky laughs darkly.

"Fuck slow burns," Bucky agrees and then pushes in further.

He's still going much too slow for Steve but the burn is delicious so he decides he can pick his battles. He waits until Bucky bottoms out and they both make a satisfied noise at the feeling.

When Bucky starts fucking him in earnest, Steve's suddenly reminded of his surreal reality. His internet crush with 800k subscribers is fucking him in his apartment on a Sunday afternoon.

"Jesus, fuck," Steve hisses.

He's definitely not going slow anymore, thank god. Bucky's fingers are digging holes in his skin, holding his hips back as he keeps fucking him harder and faster.

"Fucking christ, Stevie," Bucky says, the nickname rolling off his tongue so easily. "You're so tight."

"Split me open," Steve grits and right when he says it, he realizes that was a line from the book they both read.

Bucky groans like he likes it and swears again.

"I'm close," Bucky rasps.

Before Steve can urge him on, all of Bucky's weight pushes him down into the couch and Bucky lies on top of him pumping his release into him until he finally slows and breathes heavily by Steve's ear.

"Did you?" Bucky asks.

Steve shakes his head and Bucky lifts up instantly. He turns Steve over, grabs his cock and starts stroking him. Pressing breathy kisses along his jaw until Steve comes.

"Fuck," Steve breathes turning to look at Bucky.

"That was amazing," Bucky smiles. He kisses him on the lips, hard and long enough that Steve feels like he can go again. Bucky pulls away still breathing heavy.

"Better than all those romance books?" Steve teases.

Bucky playfully glares at him.

"Way better than fiction, sweetheart. You're a goddamn dream."

#stucky #stucky fanfiction #stucky smut #oneshot #top bucky barnes #bottom steve rogers #pre serum steve #social media AU

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bloggingboutburgers · 1 year

Note

Hi, big fan of your ace and aro art!

Genuine question here: How do you maintain a long distance relationship with your QPP (queerplatonic partner)?

Hey! Thank you so much for the kind words, that means a lot TwT

Regarding your question, apologies for the long shit incoming in advance, I'll probably share way more than what's needed, but anyway:

OK, to be honest, I should mention that I'm used to long-distance in most of the relationships in my life anyway, so that's kinda my bread and butter. I was bullied in my small town schools and later I went on to study foreign languages, so all of that created circumstances that made it natural for me to create real friendships mostly with people online or in foreign countries. I've always been more of a "next country rather than nextdoor" type of person to begin with, and my partner was no exception I guess.

We got to know each other online, so we were sort of used to the bulk of our relationship being online when we decided to be in a QPR. It was my partner's suggestion before we even got to meet IRL, and to be honest I'd never had a romantic or queerplatonic partner before and didn't fully grasp what it meant at the time, but it sounded nice, so I went for it! We met up IRL in 2018, a couple months after that (I was meeting up IRL for the first time with another friend who also happened to live in the area, in retrospect I really appreciate everyone's patience as I imposed a double visit and splitting my time in two between them TwT) and at that time it only cemented how much of a vibe it was.

After that, I was saving to visit them again in 2020, but... Y'know, the shit happened. The US (where my partner lives) enforced a travel ban on my country and several others that lasted until November 2021. It was incredibly hard during those times. We called very often, but since I'd been all riled up on the idea of hugging them again, and I was very affection-deprived because no one was allowed to see anyone or touch anyone (and that was pretty heavily monitored by cops for quite a while in my country), it wasn't enough for me to feel OK. The only way one could travel from a banned coutry to the US was to stay 14 days in a non-banned country and then travel from there – which I ended up doing in mid-2021 because I was basically going nuts. It was pretty damn expensive, but since nothing had been allowed for a while it's not like I'd spent my money on much, so I had savings, and I needed to prove myself that I could do it. We reunited IRL then for a good week. Then, because they'd fairly recently got a job (which meant more income for travel) and because US citizens WERE allowed to travel to banned countries, THEY visited me in September 2021 (and we formally promised to marry each other someday then, so even travel bans couldn't separate us in the future).

Despite all that, come late October 2021 and with no end in sight for the travel ban, I'd completely spiralled into despair over our future again. The travel ban and other restrictions made seeing each other so much harder and it was seriously taking a toll. Despite everything we'd managed that year, at that time, it felt so hard I was having serious self-endangering thoughts for the first time in my life, and I wanted to give up. That lasted about a couple days until I talked about it to them over videocall and heard their words of support and saw their face and got all angry like "fuck no, they can't take that away from me". So, because they're who they are, and because of extra support from some friends which meant a lot, despite everything, we didn't give up.

Now I'm free to travel to them again so honestly? Maintaining a long-distance relationship feels really easy right now. We text every day, videocall at least once a week and send each other care packages with gifts for our birthdays, holidays and special occasions. (Our time zone difference is 9 hours, which is convenient, cus when I wake up they're more or less about to go to bed so we can chat for a bit, when my workday is over theirs hasn't started yet, and when they're having lunch I'm having dinner, so we often share meals and watch stuff together over video calls.) We're both working adults with a stable source of income, which definitely plays into a lot, cus that means we're much more free to save up and make plans to visit each other – and by god ever since 2021 we've been making much more frequent plans, as of today we have 3 meetups more or less planned, one of them coming up this month actually, so that's pretty great^^

I do live in fear of another travel ban coming out of nowhere, so I do hope we can marry someday – though that'll be its own whole can of worms in terms of coming-out and immigration hardships, but we're determined to work through it. We're determined not to be long-distance forever. Kinda sucks that we have to go through something as amatonormative as marriage to achieve that, but also, ehh, y'know what, if that means someday I get to hang out with them in person everyday, it ain't that bad. It's a means to an end. And I guess it's a cute idea in a way.

...Welp that was way too long. tl;dr it's not easy every day. Some circumstances out of your control can really put you through the ringer sometimes. But on the flip side that means you get out of it stronger and the whole thing's kind of a virtuous circle. The more you fight for it, the more precious it is to you, and the more precious it gets to you, the more you want to fight for it. Kinda comes naturally to me at this point, so, I guess, don't make it a chore. It never felt like one to me. It's all a treasure if anything.

#alright i'll shut up #anon #long distance relationship #queerplatonic relationship #tw sui ideation #tw bullying mention

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dummerjan · 1 month

Text

a get to know you better meme

tagged by @zozobruh - Thank you! <333

do you make your bed? No. I do turn turn up the blanket so it can air out but that's it.

what's your favourite number? There's 3, and then 9, then 12, then 16 (but only because that's the day of the month I was born), then 21 (for non-SKAM reasons actually), then 27. 3 is the dominant theme. I like to do things in a set of three, but not compulsively. There's a bit of a system to and a whole story behind the numbers. I could go on a whole spiel. It also goes back to me playing around with words and syllables when I was around 8. I used to collect words with 9 letters.

what is your job? Don't have one.

If you could go back to school would you? What school? Elementary? No thanks. Also not secondary. Or night school. Regular school does not work for me, too autistic and the system too... well, a system. People are assholes, teachers included. Most of my schooling was done via distance learning and I definitely don't want to go back to that either. But also, I am attending school right now (vocational school) and I intend to further my education afterwards. I'd really like to learn how to properly draft and construct patterns and/or acquire the master craftsmen certificate in tailoring (or however you say meinen Meister machen).

can you parallel park? I don't have a license and I hope to make it through life without having to learn how to drive.

a job you had that would surprise people? None.

do you think aliens are real? Earth being the only inhabited place seems unlikely. Though I highly doubt they are how we have pictured alien life forms.

can you drive a manual car? If I did have a license, I'd be able to since that is the norm in Germany.

what's your guilty pleasure? I don't know... really bad smut? I have horrendous taste in that, I really do.

tattoos? I love them on other people, from a single or a few to lots of skin being covered, and all kinds of styles. But I don't have any myself and I don't think I ever will. I just couldn't be bothered. Way too indecisive and uncertain to decide on a design, and then the work put into researching which artists are the best, nevermind that I am scared of needles. And then afterwards it won't look exactly how I pictured it, especially after a few years or even decades. Oh, and the price! I do admire them on other people but I just don't think it's for me, too much hassle and not enough passion for it. (But if I would get tattos, I suspect I would get an Against Me! quote tattooed. Something from True Trans Soul Rebel. And an AJJ one.)

favourite colour? Dark blue.

favourite type of music? *panicked screaming* I listen to way too many artists (or sometimes just a single song) from all over the world and from all kinds of genres. And while there are genres I really like, I rarely will listen to more than a few representatives. But I can say that right now I really enjoy late Soviet/90s Siberian punk (Yanka Dyagileva and Egor Letov).

do you like puzzles? Yep. I don't know who but someone on tumblr got me into online puzzles last summer. (They did a Jeff puzzle.) I like those.

any phobias? No proper phobias.

favourite childhood sport? I didn't really do sports. In fact I hated sports, still do. Worst of all was school sports class, I had a stomach ache every the evening before. But my family was active and we regularly went swimming, rock climbing, hiking. I did horseback riding for several years but it was therapeutic.

do you talk to yourself? In my mind yes, but rarely out loud.

what movie(s) do you adore? I adore Latin American movies though I can't say I have seen too many. (Quemar las naves, María, llena eres de gracia and El cielo dividido are my favourites.) I enjoy Nordic comedies, not just with Mads Mikkelsen but I really do like those. (The last one I watched was Riders of Justice though I really wouldn't classify it as comedy. It has comedic elements.) I like movies with open, ambiguous endings, ones that leave you a bit unsatisfied, ruminating, on edge. When they linger. I don't like it when movies make it easy for me. And above all else I adore Astrid Lindgren movies. I feel like so many conversations I have lead to me mentioning how much I love them but it's true. I really, really do.

coffee or tea? I don't (can't?) drink coffie and when I drink tea, then not black (or any other proper tea) but herbal and spiced tea.

first thing you wanted to be growing up? I think a teacher? I adored and really looked up to my elementary school teacher. I loved German and correcting texts so I wanted to be like her.

tagging @lady-guts @thestrangeillusion @toppingjeffsatur @scattered-stardust @sitron-sunni @die-schwanenkoenigin

#meins #playing tag #i was just done with the other tag game when i was tagged in this one and couldn't resist #but i am going to resist proofreading even if i feel anxious about any mistakes I've made #but i really need to get ready for bet now

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dearweirdme · 7 months

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I have concrete evidence--not even concrete, more like steel reinforced BRICKwork with scaffolding support level of evidence that Taekook isn't real. Okay, like I promise I'm not a Kookminer. I'm really not. My bias is actually Suga and I used to like Yoongmin so I have no dog in this fight BUT---

I accidentally watched five Kookjiminie videos on YouTube and I saw something that now has me questioning; was Taekook ever real !?? In these videos (I wish I could find them but I can't sorry and they seem to have disappeared from my YouTube history) but I noticed a disturbing pattern. In one of these video clips, I noticed that Jimin's husband, Jungkook, blinked three times in a row at Jimin and only two times in a row at Taehyung and that's when I knew, Taekook was over. This might surprise some people who don't know me but I actually studied Body Language Language to an FBI level and I specialised specifically in Blinkage and Morse Code of The Eye. I have attended every YouTube tutorial video in that free online course so I can assure you my skills are legit.

Don't get me wrong. I do think Taekook dated when they were like 17 or something but then I also think Taehyung's soulmate and Tae's boyfriend fell in love with each other and just couldn't help but have an affair or maybe Tae and Jimin's lover, Jungkook, broke up and then Jimin decided to swoop in then and steal his soulmate + best friend's ex boyfriend because hoes before bros and dates before soulmates, right?

I know it might seem like I ship Jiminie❤️Kookie but I swear on my mother's grave that I don't. I'm actually more of a Jihopie shipper but listen, I grew up in an orphanage since birth and I've never had any family but myself so even before I became an expert Body Language expert, I knew better than anyone how to observe people's intentions and I hate (honestly I HATE) to say this but I think the real ship might be JiminKook4eva. I really do. I swear on my father's life that I don't ship it but I can't deny it that there's a LOT of evidence that they got married in Japan.

They were both in Japan for a start.

I know I probably won't convince you and I'm honestly not here to try to but I've got five more essays lined up about why you should listen to me and believe what I'm saying and stop shipping Taekook because let's be real, Taehyung has literally said that he hates it--and I know some people think he was talking about the fan fantasising about Jimin's life partner, Jungkook, but that's only one interpretation so he literally hates it.

Please, please listen to me for some reason. I don't really know what that reason is because I swear I'm not a J+M+RingFinger=JikookieMarried shipper at all!!

Just listen to me because you're going to be sorry and crying if you don't when you read my 10900 word dissertation of PURE concrete evidence with compiled pictures, videos, fanart and fan theory that I have attached to this ask. I used an AI program to help me put this portfolio together so obviously, you know that it's legit and 100% correct (Hopefully the attachment shows up but if not then I think it sadly might have disappeared with the YouTube videos)

Lots of love from ~Turn the V upside down and you get A for ARMY~ xx

Omg anon… you totally opened my eyes!

#😂#not even sure what to tag this as

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pr-incey · 3 months

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Here's my (probably not) hot take on anti-shipping: it represents an instinct found in pretty much all of humanity, and that is the instinct to label anything that makes you feel a negative emotion as morally reprehensible.

We really, really cannot afford to condone or encourage this instinct. I can't stress this enough.

You think my incest non-con whatever shipping is weird? It makes you uncomfortable/triggers you? Well, no fucking shit it's weird! I assure you I know it is. I don't care if you think it's weird. I don't care if you think I'm odd or weird because of it. I am, and I've known this since I was very young. Your dislike or discomfort isn't the problem.

The problem is the reaction to this discomfort. In case it wasn't clear enough: SOMETHING BEING DISGUSTING OR TRIGGERING TO YOU DOES NOT ≠ MORALLY WRONG.

I've been in online arguments with antishippers who start from one of the typical talking points ("it normalises it in real life", "it makes people think its okay", "it's triggering to survivors", "it's not a healthy way of coping"), but eventually they get to "Well, even though you're right, it's still gross/you're still a freak!"

And every time I'm like, ah. Here's the real root of the problem.

Beloveds, please. Your disgust is understandable, but PLEASE. If a ship is so revolting to you for any reason, problematic or not, PLEASE just do what you can to make sure you never come across it again. Block. Mute. Unfollow. Whatever. This isn't even for my own sake; I couldn't care less about what people I will never meet in the real world think about what I do to fictional characters in my free time. I'm an adult with a job and responsibilities and your angry words online won't stop me from doing what I like to think cartoon characters.

I'm so passionate about this subject because I live in a country where queer people are harassed, raped, and killed en-masse because it is 'disgusting' to people. I have struggled with depression for years because of this.

And before you type "I can't believe you're comparing homophobia to not liking your fucked up incest pedo ships", I need you to actually listen to me. If you can determine what is morally wrong based solely on your disgust or discomfort, what's stopping other people from doing the same? Racists, homophobes, terfs and the like? You do know how many of their 'moral' arguments stem from disgust and discomfort, right?

If you can't confidently point to tangible harm being caused by the ship, individual or art, you're better off just avoiding it. Yes, this also includes if it triggers you, unless it was specifically made to trigger you.

Off topic, but this also applies to so much more than ships. I've seen people get dog piled just for being 'unfunny'. It's why I am so staunchly against cringe culture as a concept, why I don't care what labels other members of the LGBTQ community use, why idgaf about other people's consensual kinks. People are wired differently and are often weird or strange in one way or the other. The idea that anyone who deviates from what an 'ideal person' deserves to 'punished', even if they aren't actually causing harm to another person, is soooo dangerous.

#proship safe #proship #please think guys

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lost-walmartbag · 9 months

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Marjorine x reader pt 7

Playlist

Warning: Transphobia, swearing, deadnaming

Background: Marj comes out to her parents which does not go over well.

Status: Ongoing

Previous part

Next part

Out

Seeing how close you were getting to Kenny made Marjorine's blood boil. It shouldn't...god why did it? Oh yeah because she was stupidly in love with you but basically told you no. Why can't she just be normal? She's been awkwardly avoiding you for days now. Hoping that she could speedrun the whole healing process.

She needed to do this and needed to do it fast. So she did something she didn't think she would. As her parents were downstairs watching tv Marjorine walked downstairs in a dress. Her hands were shaking and she could feel her heartbeat in her throat.

She wanted to run upstairs but the thought of you losing interest in the time it would take her to figure this out scared her more than her parents. She took a deep breath and walked in front of the tv and faced her parents.

"Butters get out of the way." Her mother said with a frown.

"Why are you in that dress. Take it off." Her father said crossing his arms.

"I-I...." She started feeling her confidence drop. She took a deep breath and looked up at them. "I'm a girl. No more Butters. No more Leopald. I want to go by Marjorine."

Her parents stared at her for a second trying to process what she had just said. Her mother stood up and walked over to her. Marjorine looked at her and within a second she felt a sharp sting on her cheek. She touched her cheek and looked at her mother as her eyes filled with tears.

"Get out."

"B-but"

"Get. Out." Her mother repeated.

Marjorine wanted to say so much but at that moment nothing came out. She looked back at her father who sat on the couch looking down at his lap holding his head in his hands.

"D..dad?"

"You heard your mother Leopald." Her father muttered.

She stared at them hoping they would break and say they were sorry or that it was all some sick joke. She knew they hated her....that she wasn't the child they would have wanted but this? Why? Why didn't she see this coming?

She quickly rushed out of the house taking nothing with her. She didn't know where she was going. She just knew she couldn't be there for much longer.

You were home sitting on the floor with Kenny doing your science homework. He was always better at this than you were.

"What the fuck even is gravity?" You said with a groan throwing down your textbook and falling back, laying on the floor

"Sometimes you say things that make you sound so stupid it's actually crazy," Kenny said with a chuckle as he flipped through pages in his own textbook.

"Yeah well this one girl said we don't even need it."

"And you shouldn't be getting your information from mentally ill people online and stick to just asking me for help."

"Yay, so I get to choose between mentally ill people online or mentally ill people in real life."

"I would respond but the voices in my head are telling me not to," Kenny said making you laugh softly.

Suddenly the peaceful environment was cut off by Kenny's phone going off. He pulled his phone out of his pocket seeing Kyle's name pop up. He answered and held the phone to his ear.

"Hey dude what's up?" Kenny said into the phone as he kept his focus on his book.

Within a few seconds, you noticed Kenny dropping his book and his face going pale. You sat up and looked at him confused.

"O-ok dude slow down I- let me put you on speaker," Kenny said taking the phone away from his ear and putting it on speaker. "O-ok repeat what you said."

"It's Marj! Her mom just called mine freaking out saying that something happened and that Marj was hurt and that they couldn't save them or some shit she wouldn't tell us what happened and now they aren't returning our calls and.."

The minute the words cut through the air you felt as if all time had stopped. You sat there as the blood flowing through your veins ran cold. You could hear Kenny and Kyle still talking but it sounded so muffled in comparison to the ringing in your ears.

Dead? That can't be possible you just saw her yesterday. You texted her not even a few hours ago. She can't be. She couldn't be dead.

Kenny gently shook your shoulder trying to bring you back into reality but you couldn't focus on anything but the thoughts clouding your head.

When did you end up at the park? God, it's fucking freezing. Why was it always snowing here? Why are your feet and legs so cold. You looked down seeing your legs and feet turn red as the cold snow burned your skin. You looked behind you seeing your own footsteps in the snow. God you wish this mental breakdown happened when you were wearing something other than shorts.

You dropped down to your knees not paying any mind to the stinging on your skin. Dead. She's dead. Were the only things you heard in your mind as you looked out at the pond reflecting the moonlight on the frozen layer of ice.

You started crying which quickly turned into sobbing which then turned into screaming as you pounded your fist on the ground. You hadn't known her for long but....dead? She was so bright so happy so....beautiful. What happened? Why? Why weren't you there? To tell her you cared to tell her you loved her.

You felt a large hand on your shoulder and looked up seeing Kenny. He was horribly out of breath and holding your shoes.

"Kenny I..."

"I know. I loved her too." He whispered putting down your shoes.

"I don't understand." You choked out through sobs.

"Me either...Look Kyle's on his way so he can tell us everything he knows but it doesn't seem like...." Kenny started before looking off to the other side of the lake.

You followed his gaze seeing a tall figure across the frozen lake. They had short blond hair and a yellow dress. You know that dress. You made that dress.

"That's my dress! That's her dress!" You yelled rising to your feet and running towards the figure.

"Y/N wait!" Kenny yelled but it was in vain as you ran across the icy lake. You stumbled and fell down a few times but that wasn't stopping you.

Marjorine looked up seeing your figure running towards her. How did you know she was here? How did you know she needed you right now? Fuck that didn't matter not now. She was just as stupid as you were at that moment because she rose to her own feet and ran towards you.

"Marj!"

"Y/N!"

You both yelled out after each other. Once you two were close enough you grabbed hold of one another. You both sobbed into each other's shoulders. Nothing else mattered. Nothing. She was alive. That's all that mattered.

"Y/N! Get off the ice!" Kenny yelled.

You pulled away from Marjorine and your eyes widened as you heard ice beneath you and Marjorine begin to crack. You grabbed her hand and started running off the ice with her.

"Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck why did I think this was a good idea?" You said in a panic as you both tried to make your way off the ice before it gave out.

Just as you two were in arms reach from Kenny the ice gave out causing both you and Marjorine to fall through the ice.

A/N: So so so sorry this didn't come out when scheduled I didn't want to release it before I was done writing it and I didn't want to rush. I just want to say. You all are valid and I'm sorry if you don't feel accepted by those in your life. You deserve so much love and to feel comfortable in your own skin. And if no one else shows you that love just know I feel that love for you. Thank you for reading and I love you all 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

#south park x reader #south park #fanfic #south park x you #x reader #kyle broflovski #kenny mccormick #butters x reader #butters leopold stotch #south park butters #sp marjorine #south park marjorine

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oneangstymotherfucker · 1 year

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tw csa mention / k!nk mention

Something that gets to me about the anti mindset is that it doesn't seem to be able to account for the fact that we might be reading age-gap stuff from the younger person's perspective. Why do they always assume otherwise? (Of course it's okay if you do, but for this post im talking about the other side).

The truth is, sexuality cannot be completely severed from childhood experiences. From what I've read, most kinks and interests develop alongside the rest of our personality(ies). This is very normal.

It is also very normal to engage in 'pleasure seeking' as a child. Something feels nice on your body, so you keep doing it. I started when I was about six, and every therapist I've talked to has said that is normal.

The age during which you start understanding your bonds and relationships to other people is also very important, and since it affects your development and the rest of your life, going back to those ideas and looking at them can be very healing.

So it makes sense why anyone would be interested in metaphorically 'going back' to those times in their lives and exploring what they didn't have words or capacity to understand back then. Real children do not have the capacity to understand or cope with sex. They are not ready, and it would cause them harm. Maybe it did cause you harm. Fictional children are not real children. Fictional children are an extension of our own inner child, a way for us to process what we couldn't then now that we are safe and have more control of our lives. It doesn't undo the harm, but it can help you sort it out and move on from it.

So yeah, all of this is even more important if you have been hurt. I write about the ages 6-12 a lot because that's around the time I was hurt. It's not that im 'stuck there' or 'fetishizing' it (you can't 'fetishize' your own trauma) - I am doing work there. I am reclaiming it there. I am making sure the needy little 12 year old in me is safe and happy.

But as for me and myself- I was still afraid. I might always be. For a long time I couldn't even approach sexuality. When I finally did it was talking to old men online, trying to get them to believe I was much younger than I was, playing with them and seeing what they would say. That was what felt safe. The only 'part' of me that felt safe being sexual was the part that was still a kid.

I don't cope like that anymore. I found a way that I like better, that is more under my control and is way less risky to myself and the potential people i was talking to. And that is writing fiction!!!!

Through fiction I can set up places where all of me feels safe (even if it might not look safe to you or would not be safe in the real world!). I can create scenarios where I can work through my fears, provide comfort and safety, and make a good place for my kid self to figure things out (and yes, get off).

And it has been helping! We've been feeling safer and more confident since we started writing, and we've learned so much about ourselves and how to feel safe.

I studied psychology for four years. There isn't really terminology for a 'bad coping mechanism'. There is the idea of maladaptive coping mechanisms, but here's the thing- what makes a coping mechanism maladaptive is wether it causes more harm than good in the person's life on a case by case basis.

The idea that a random stranger thinks they have the authority over your life and your unique psychology to tell you that you are hurting yourself with your coping mechanisms is ridiculous. No stranger online knows - or should know - the details of your trauma or life. They have no say in what is good for you. If you are worried something might be hurting you or holding you back, that is for you and maybe a trusted professional to figure out. It is certianly not for some squicked teenager or anyone else online to dictate.

Also, sexuality and brains are really complicated. You don't need trauma (or to remember it) in order to enjoy something. You're allowed to ship any ship for any reason. Bonus points if one of the reasons is because it makes you happy, because you deserve to be happy!

All ships are just roleplays. All fics are just scenes. When I write I put up tags to let people know what's in the scene. I hold on good faith that they are reading the tags, and they that I am not tagging incorrectly. I give them my scene, and if they at any point don't like what I'm doing, they stop reading. It is really very simple!!!

Finally, if you do have sexual trauma, you don't ever have to 'sterilize' it or be 'pure' about it. It's okay to have leftover feelings and kinks and interests that might seem backwards or not make sense to other people. You don't have to conform to a bullshit 'good survivor' image of some saintly person who put all that behind them and avoids avoids avoids like a pure little virgin mary.

You can look at it if you want to. You can pull it apart with your hands, you can reclaim it and get off to it if you want to, you can share it with consenting others and let them get off to it too. That is all okay and good. That is just being human. You are okay.

#proship #tw csa mention #anti anti #anticensorship #pro fiction #k!nk mention #not me talking about writing when i havent updated me fics in like a month #kink mention

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