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candywife333 · 6 months

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Better Have My Money

[TEASER]

-SLATED TO RELEASE IN DECEMBER

chubby caretaker reader x CEO jungkook

"You gold digger, how dare you seduce my grandfather with your feminine wiles? How did you do it with that fat ass? Must've blindfolded my poor grandpa".

I turned around, almost wheezing with laughter still stuck in my lungs, "Hey, don't call me a gold digger dude. That is insulting to me. They say diamonds are a girl's best friend. Why would I settle for something as cheap as gold? And why do you think I seduced your grandpa. I was just his caretaker bro, that's it."

Jungkook bit out, enraged with his eyes blazing, "Then why the hell did he write you in the fucking will you bitch? He left half of his net worth to you"?!!! The dude grabbed the collar of my starch white Ralph Lauren polo, "Do you even comprehend what you have done"?!!

I pushed the dude's hand off , "Dude stop trying to choke me. This is a premium polo, do you know that? I have to return it back to the store next week. You intend on accusing me of things I didn't do and now you want me to have the misfortune of not getting a refund". My eyes got misty as I whimpered out," What type of demon are you? Trying to make the poor poorer I see. You utter rascal".

He looked like steam was coming out of his eyes as he shouted, "How dare you call me a rascal!!! You whorish vixen"!! I thought I would get offended but I was really impressed by his vocabulary. I shook his sleeve, "Dude, do you read historical romance or something? Like the Bridgertons or Outlander. Because your vocabulary is hella impressive. You must've memorized the entire SAT vocabulary list". I waved my hands to silence him. "Forget it. Just listen to me for a second. If you want to get me off this mythical will you speak of, you will have to silence me with either the power of your pocket or the power of the P".

He stared at me quizzically, as though he were confused. I smiled placatingly, "Look, it is very simple. Either you pay me a direct cash deposit of 75 percent of whatever I was promised by your grandfather, or you pay me in sex".

His jaw dropped open, so open that a few cockroaches could fly in if he let them. He seemed to choke on his own spit, coughing till he solemnly sputtered out, "Number one is not on the table. What the hell do you mean by sex"?!!!

I assessed him, with a twitch of one of my eyebrows, "It's an age old profession bro. If I really must explain it", I sat down on a bench and explained , "you must voraciously plunder my depths so to speak". He gulped as he gawked at me with something similar to disgust, "Plunder your depths? You mean that I am supposed to fuck your lardy ass to get rid of you".

I smiled , nodding enthusiastically ," I wouldn't put it in such an uncouth, uncultured manner. To put it in a more sophisticated manner, you must ravage me passionately". He continued to look more confused, so I sighed and clarified with gravity, "To put it more precisely, I want to rattle your snake, la chupa your cabra, or even better, hanky your panky". He gasped in horror, eyes widening as though he had seen a ghost. " But essentially, yes, you must tup me with your very long member for approximately a month". With an astonished face he menacingly bit out, "And how would you know that it is very long you trollop"?

My eyes glinted in the sun as I chirped out sunnily, "Those pants fit you very well Sir, if you must know. And after having consumed enough erotica for years, I can tell you one thing". I winked obnoxiously as I eyed his pants, " My estimation skills never have failed me".

#bts x reader #jungkook x reader #chubby reader #comedy #eventual smut #bts x plus size reader #bts x chubby reader #bts x curvy reader #jungkook x chubby reader #jungkook x curvy reader #gold diggger #caretaker reader #jungkook x plus size reader #humor

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kaylinalexanderbooks · 29 days

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Character voice

Thanks to @elsie-writes here, @elizaellwrites here, @mk-writes-stuff here and here, and @willtheweaver here.

Rules: rewrite a given line in your OCs' voices!

Got long, under the cut :)

"I've got a headache."

Lexi: "Oh, man I got a headache. Well, that's what ibuprofen is for. Time to go out to a crowded bowling alley!"

Maddie: "I've felt worse. I'll be fine." (Is dizzy)

Ash: "I have felt worse before. Maybe I should use those probing devices :)" (bad idea)

Gwen: (if she has nothing to do) "I should probably go lie down. I don't feel good." (If she does) "I feel terrible, but I'll push through. For [person]."

Robbie: "Pfft I'll be fiiiine don't worry about it! I have braved through more before!" (Is later seen lying down)

Akash: "No need to worry about me. I'll take some Tylenol and be okay."

Jedi: "I will be alright. We have medication for a headache." *Injects himself with some over the counter drugs*

Carmen: "Everyone BE QUIET I have a headache!"

Everyone is so healthy here (:

Prompt: Uh oh, you forgot to do something very important!

Lexi: "Oh no! I forgot!?? How??" *flips frantically through her color-coded planner* "I couldn't have forgotten to write it down.... it's not possible...it has to be here somewhere..."

Maddie: "I did? Whoops."

Ash: "Oh. Sorry. Uh, guess I'll try and remember next time."

Gwen: "Oh my gosh I am so sorry I forgot!! I've been under so much stress lately... It won't happen again. What can I do for you to help?"

Robbie: "Oh SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT--" *scrambles around trying to get it done in five seconds*

Akash: "WHAT?! Shit, there's no way I forgot... Guess I did, huh. What is wrong with me? This is why I write stuff down... Oh, um, sorry I forgot, man. Uhh hey is there any way I can make this up to you? Like now? Cause this may haunt me."

Jedi: "Oh, I am terribly sorry... It must be sleep deprivation... I apologize, I will go do that now."

Carmen: *borderline panic attack, likely kicks or punches something*

"Where are we? How did we get here?"

Perfect for TSP actually

Lexi: "Wait, what just happened? Everything just simultaneously changed. The temperature and humidity levels are different. I must be dreaming." (Anxious)

Maddie: "Woah that was super weird. Where do you think we are? (Excited and curious)

Ash: "What-- that isn't possible...but it clearly is... what happened?" (Is also genuinely curious)

Gwen: "Woah. How did we get here? It's... admittedly cool here. Beautiful even."

Robbie: "Holy shit, where are we?! Did I blackout? Or was I just walking and not paying attention so much I took a wrong turn?"

Akash: "Dude...what happened? Did we take a wrong turn? I don't think we did - I was paying attention."

Jedi: "Well... *looks around and pokes at the map on his tablet* it appears this map was not as straightforward as I assumed. I frankly have no idea how we got here. I suppose we are lost. Well, if we must be here, let us survey the area and collect data." (This is what I call the Star Trek Voyager method)

Carmen: "Who gave me wrong directions?! There is no way I possibly got lost. Who can tell me in precise detail how we got here?!"

"I don't have enough curse words for how much you pissed me off."

This one was harder than I thought because most of these guys don't get cold angry, but I'll try.

Lexi: "I have a pretty large vocabulary. I know all the synonyms for, like, every curse word. But I don't think that I know enough for you!"

Maddie: "Hm. I'm not sure I can think of enough curse words that can describe how I feel toward you. Like, none of them work."

Ash: "I would love to cuss you out, but nothing is accurately describing how mad I just got."

Gwen: "I'm not exactly one for swearing, and I'm really pissed that I can't use any cuss word in English, Spanish, or Italian because you're making me so angry."

Robbie: "Bro, I have the most creative swears I know, and even I can't think of one you deserve."

Akash: "Y'know you're pissing me off so much that I literally cannot think of a good enough swear for you."

Jedi: "I will have you know that I am not one for expletives, and I see that this is because I have never been able to find one that quite describes how I am feeling toward people like you."

Carmen: "I would love for you to see how angry I am, but unfortunately you're such an irritating idiot that I cannot find a single swear in my vocabulary that can accurately depict that fury!"

"You want me to eat that?"

Lexi: "Oh, you want me to eat this? Um, that's...fine, thank you.... Y'know I actually ate a lot earlier, and I don't think you want me to eat anything else...thanks though. Really thoughtful of you."

Maddie: "I don't want to eat that."

Ash: "No offense, but I'm not going to like this."

Gwen: "It was very sweet of you to think of me, but I don't actually like [ingredients]. Yeah...sorry. I feel bad, can I do anything for you?"

Robbie: *long exhale* "Look, man, I know you worked really hard on this. And...yeah it's awesome for you to uh....do this. But...I don't think you want me to eat that."

Akash: "That food looks interesting. Oh, you want me to eat that? Umm. Okay..."

Jedi: "It would...be my pleasure to eat this. However, I am afraid I don't quite like this meal."

Carmen: "Why would you want me to eat that? It's gross."

Alrighty that's finally done. Softly tagging @aziz-reads @atelierwriting @mysticstarlightduck @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @stesierra @rickie-the-storyteller @sam-glade @memoriethereaderandwriter-blog @ahordeofwasps @spitefulbull + anyone else who wants to

Your phrase is, "Who would leave milk on the counter?"

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

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dreampurpledreams · 10 months

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"That's Crazy", chapter 2

A/N: I had to rush to get this out. So if there are any mistakes, tell me.

warning: Spanish may be wrong, Cursing

2.2k words below the cut.

Italics are in Miles head

< Prev //Next >

Miles was watching you.

Not like Stalking you or anything. But he was just…,watching.

It had been about 3 weeks since the two of you had met. Waking up that next morning, recalling the night before, the sense of dread Miles felt was overpowering. Strong enough to make him ignore the soreness on his head, where he had fallen on it the night before. More important than the physics assignment he was supposed to complete that Morning. No, he had bigger things I worry about.

In a hurry to talk with you, Miles rushed his morning routine. Shoving things in his bag without looking, putting his buttons in the wrong holes, not tying his shoelaces (as if he would have done that anyway🙄). He didn't even pick his hair out.

"Why are you rushing?".

Damn, all of this was too much. Miles was so focused on himself, he forgot Ganke even existed.

"I have to go get this girl-"

"Yeah I know, you were supposed to get her yesterday."

"Well now-"

"Here." Ganke slid over from his desk to Miles and handed him a folder. "It's got all her schedule, her room number and all that other jazz."

Oh. "Thanks bro."

"No problem"

Miles still didn't know what to do, Maybe…?

"Actually,-"

"I'm not going to cover for you again, which I did yesterday by the way. You should have been here yesterday to get her yourself."

"It's not that. And telling everybody I had chronic diarrhea is exactly the best cover up."

"I think you should be thanking me instead of complaining."

"I'm not thanking you for telling everybody I had bubble guts."

"Bro, Don't say it like that," his friend said, laughing, making Miles laugh too. "Anyway, how did you know I said that??"

Right, Miles had forgotten again. What is wrong with him? Why can't he focus?

"Yeah, she told me. Last night. When I came in."

"Oh you mean..??"

"Yeah, and she saw me In my suit."

……. Silence. Again with this.

"That's crazy. Well, hope you figure it out." And with that the beanie wearing boy turned to his desktop.

"😦"

"Bro I'm just kidding, but to be honest, I really don't know how to help you"

"Well that helps." Miles said, sighing in exasperation.

"Dude just chill, you'll figure something out. In the meantime, you should probably brush your teeth, class starts in 10 min and you still have to go get [Name].

"What!? No we're gonna be late". Grabbing his bag Miles ran out the door.

"It's really a wonder he hasn't broken his ankles by now", Ganke said, noting that His friend's shoes still weren't tied.

Right now, he's sitting in the library, trying to study. End of the year exams were coming up, and he really needed to buckle down. He had already missed a couple lessons, and was currently trying to learn the difference between longitudinal, and transverse waves. The theory itself wasn't hard to grasp, at least not if it's taught by a teacher. But he was trying to learn it by himself. And all the vocabulary was so similar, it was hard to differentiate between them. Waves, Amplitude, nodes, harmonics, constructive interference, destructive interference. It was all the same to him.

And adding to his stresses, was a little brownskinned nymph was following him around everywhere. And not that he was complaining. He truly enjoyed your company, and even had to stop himself from inviting you to join him. And he wasn't going to pretend he didn't get excited every time he saw you. Just right now, he had other stuff to worry about. But you were the only thing that he could think about when you were around. Even when you weren't there he was thinking about you, but at least then he could regroup himself and get to work. Which was something he couldn't do when you were around. And that so happened to be one of the current problems . Wherever he was, you were there. No matter where he escaped to, you appeared. It was like you had a tracker on him somewhere.

To be honest,his first problem wasn't really much of a problem. But it made his second one all the more present.

Knocking on your door Miles could barely hold back his anxiety. What am I gonna do? How could I be so dumb? Jeez. What if she tells everyone? What if she's a bad guy? No my Spidey sense would go off then. Right? It didn't alert me about Doc Ock Caray. What am I gonna do? Maybe now I should just… Try and convince her she was dreaming or something. I'll just pretend I don't know her. Yeah I'll do that. No you can't gaslight her Miles. That's wrong. Man but I don't have a choice. Right? Maybe I can trust her….. …right? Miles didn't really have time to make a choice. You had opened the door already. Not that he was still thinking about it when the door opened. How was he supposed to think when you were looking like this? Natural face, excluding your glossed up lips. Looking into his eyes with those pretty ones, that had kept him up all night. Blinking at him, lashes mascara free, but perfectly curled somehow, making those eyes even more mesmerizing. "Mornin' laces. Here's my schedule." Laces? Since when was I laces? When did I get a nickname? No wait, I don't know her. "Umm, good Morning. My name's Miles. I'm going to be your student ambassador. Don't worry the office already gave me your schedule and stuff-" "We don't have time for your games Miles, classes start in 5 minutes. Just take mine and let's go". So you still remembered him. Looks like he has to try something else. I mean, Miles could have tried harder to convince you, but honestly….he didn't want to. He would just have to trust you. Or maybe he could tell you it was a costume or something. "So about last night-" "I'm do believe, I have physics 3 right now, but I'm not sure" "I know that but I wanted to tell you-" "Maybe you should check the paper." you said swiftly. Now looking at you, Miles realized you seemed kind of annoyed. Dios Mío. What was so important about this paper? Looking at it Miles could not understand. It had your classes, the classroom number, and the Teachers name. The only thing out of the ordinary on this paper was the note that was written on the bottom. Oh.

[Miles. Thank you for walking me around this week. I know it's your job but I really appreciate it. I hope we can continue to be friends after this. Even though we met in a weird way, and I learned more things about you than I should've, I won't tell anybody about your secret. Sincerely, Your new friend. ]

"Oh". Miles said, talking to you. Or he thought he was talking to you, but you were already up the hall. Looking back at him, you smiled. "Come on lace's, we have 3 minutes left. You need to hurry. But don't trip, we really don't have time for that." Haha. Honestly, Miles forgot you two even had to go to class. He was kinda starstruck by you. I mean you were so pretty, and so obviously smart. You were here, and in Physics 3. Students were only required to take physics 1 in their freshman year. Yet you decided to take one of the hardest highschool classes 2 more times. You even managed to talk to him about being spiderman in a way that was intelligently inconspicuous. Even if someone else found that paper, they wouldn't be able to decode its hidden meeting. It was so enticing. Miles wanted to learn everything about you. And he would seemingly get the chance, considering how you wanted to actually be his friend. Smiling Back Miles followed you to class. Followed… you?? How do you know where the classroom is? He never showed you around. That was… weird. The alarm bells sounded in his head. Against his will. The boy wanted to believe the best, he really did. But it was ingrained in him. All of this was too weird. You show up in his room. Being seemingly unsurprised at the fact he was spiderman. And just readily agreed to keep his secret. It was abnormally perfect. I mean, you were his dream girl. But this, this was beginning to be too much. "Miles!"The boy heard his name. Simultaneous with his 'LOOK OUT!' Message he was receiving from his Spidey sense. Looking up Miles had almost ran into the door of the Physics 3 classroom. They arrived. And you didn't get lost. There was that feeling, eating him up again. "Wake up city slicker. We're here on time, no thanks to you", you told the boy, smiling and lightly pushing his shoulder. "Hahaha. You knew the way…all by yourself." "Yee-ep. Administration brought me here yesterday on the search for you. I tried my best to remember everything while you were blowin' it up". Smirking slyly at Miles with explosion hands, he started to ease a bit. That was a valid explanation. Right?? "T- minus 30 seconds." Doing this weird, robotic voice and.. dance?? (He thinks). Laughing at Miles' awkward smile, you grabbed his hand and pulled him into the room. "Miles" you said. Looking back at him. Making eye contact. Mi corazón. Lord this girl, it seemed like you knew what you were doing. You were doing everything in your power to draw him in. "Yeah?" "Your Zipper is down."

Soy un idiota. Zipping himself up and then walking into class The bell rang. Miles was.. Scared It was all the same questions he had the previous night, but with all different feelings behind it. Who were you? Why were you here? Why were you at this school? Are you there to hurt him? But the thing that scared him the most, Was the way he forgot about all these things, Whenever he looked into that pretty face of yours.

Miles was back to the present. Remembering where he was and what he was doing. Or supposed to be doing.

Looking around for you, Miles realized you and disappeared.

Where did you go? Did you leave?? No, he felt eyes on him. Turning his head he watched you slink through the shelves.

There was that feeling again. That constant feeling of mistrust he felt whenever you did something questionable.

He tried. He really did. But under all the joking quips, followed by your boisterous laugh. Sweet smiles that made his heart melt. The study sessions turned into video game marathons.

Miles was still suspicious. The premise of friendships, was actually a way to keep an eye on you.

No.

He can't deny the friendship you two have.

He just… What if he's wrong about you?

The way he had gotten attached to you the past couple weeks, it was terrifying. Between all his conflicting thoughts. The way you had seemingly felt the same was even more surprising. Being spiderman was already hard enough. The insecurities Miles felt.

He couldn't measure up. Sure he was way more confident. But your friendship with him. The way you had find out about his secret. He just felt so…

Irresponsible.

But really he couldn't think about that now.

Currently you were behind him. Attempting to sneak up on him?

He hoped that's not what you were doing. You were terrible at it. Miles could feel the humor bubble up inside him. Did you really think you could sneak up on him?

Why were you sneaking up on him anyway?

What did you have planned?

The teen superhero prepared his body for…something.

Secretly keeping his eyes on you. Miles pretended to be into his book. When you finally got close to Miles, you stopped.

Moving your hands towards his… neck??

Quickly reacting, Miles wrapped his hands around yours, and looked up at you.

You started, Laughing?

"Dadgummit, I thought I was gonna get you."

Letting go of your hands, Miles felt, sheepish. What was he thinking?

Miles needed to get himself together.

Playing it off with as a joke, he laughed.

"Did you really think you could get me??"

"Well you had your headphones on so…"

Grabbing his things Miles started to walk towards the door. With you immediately following behind him.

"Nah. I gotta stay ready, you never know when danger's around the corner." The boy said all mysteriously. Looking down at his friend as the two of you exited the library.

"Or maybe, you're just paranoid". The girl told him, looking back, up at him.

You don't say, Miles thought to himself. Pushing away the thoughts of what could have happened.

I mean it was fine. He just…

Overreacted

Yeah. It was just him.

Right??

Taglist @mintkookiess @ladeeznutz

Dividers @/saradika

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liquid-geodes · 1 year

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Compiling a list of JPisms (funny things JP has said) that will be making their way into my regular vocabulary:

"A bee's dick of a thing"

"Eff my hoot owl"

"I'm a cow"

"I'm a lawn mower moo moo"

"Sick nasty bro I made it down there"

"1 2 3 I'm a ball in distress"

"It ain't easy being hard"

"Can I put my clothes back on?"

"Ride the line like a pinecone"

"There's questions I want to know but answers I don't have"

"WISTOL PITCH"

"I will fid you bedwell"

"Let me put my naked back on"

"Slow and steady wins her"

"Are you titing my source?"

"I CANT there's a little PeNiS that hits me!"

"It's not fun down in the shaft Wade"

"I got f'd in the boom boom"

"It's a tumor dick, tudick... why aren't you a dick?"

"Thank you I blew myself"

"If it goes up you know it's time"

"STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW"

"We over shat that"

"What the frickin Jeffery dude"

"There's a big dick maze"

"The trees have no gravity"

"No gar, we're not pirates"

"Am I usher?"

"I like to eat pineapples"

"My names bethany"

"I'm one behind calm your tee tahs"

"tEAT my patience"

"We went up to go down, it's logic!"

"It was a complete strategy to my strategy guide!"

"This is actually basketball and I'm winning"

"What was I thinking? Again! Part two"

"Smack a goat and call me billy"

"No, it's crab crack"

"That's just not correct"

"IM LONELY AND NOW THE WORLD KNOWS IM SINGLE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

"He's got the brain power of a microwave"

"Some of us just died of dysentery"

"You ran out of pee pee"

"Come on! Be the little hoe that can!"

"I'll write you a dicket"

"Jump, little hoe!"

"Yeah I masterbate when I fall to my DEATH"

"I'm sucking the pickle"

"Keyboards have rights'

"With size comes less use"

"No YOU thought of it, hole"

"Of sadness and hatred except, hole in one"

"I'm gonna rip my nipples off"

"That's a lot of cow holes"

"I'm not expecting to win, I'm just looking for not last place!"

"I don't know what I just did as an acorn, but it wasn't human"

"Are we dildos?"

"Oh I wanna go look at the mouse :("

"🎶 Jack frost jacking off his nose 🎶"

"This sucks like a chicken"

"A cow goes bounce!"

"You know what else blows? A fan"

"The little nutsack that wouldn't"

"I'm in last place don't take that away from me"

"Oh gravity! I forgot about that"

"I'm not sick I'm allergies"

"Thank you dude I feel pretty hot"

"The boys in the yard with the milkshakes"

"I got in then I was out burger"

"I do the same shot 3 times and get 4 different results"

"I'm bad, but I'm glad to be Brad. I'm Brad, bad."

"Do you ever want to just... eat a donut."

"Is combat on?"

"I'm gonna rip my nipples off"

"It IS a pretty dumb ramp..."

"What are you sucking you're in there"

"I am inevitable. Wade is.. trying to go too hard at the Hardee's"

"You're an egg"

"Aw babe"

"🎶 it is very tropical and I don't know why I want to cry myself to sleep everyday🎶"

"It's Romano"

"WHY ARE YOU WASTING ALL OUR TIME YOU NIPPLE TWISTING MOTHER EFFER"

"Think of a little turtle. Now think of him in soup. Yeah you're sad now."

"I'm a gOOse"

"I don't like the situation I'm in"

"I'm an idiom"

"Sit back, grab a drink, and enjoy the ride"

"If I still had nipples I'd rip them off right now"

"I can't believe it, I can't believe it's not butter, I'm a bogey"

List will be updated as I discover more

#jpisms #these are ALL phrases that will be living rent free in my head #long post

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pesterloglog · 6 months

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Dirk Strider, Jane Crocker

Act 6, page 4256-4259

timaeusTestified [TT] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 12:01

TT: Why have you activated dear, sweet Huggy Bear.

TT: Are you in danger?

GG: Oh, no.

GG: I'm just trying to leave my house!

GG: Is this the real you, btw?

TT: Yeah, it's me.

TT: I disabled the AR for now.

GG: Ok. Just making sure!

GG: Jake was having some issues with it earlier, and I don't think he received its obfuscating tendencies in the humorous spirit intended.

TT: Yes, I'm catching up with the situation now.

GG: Oh, so you're talking to Jake then?

TT: Nah. Just reading their chat logs.

TT: Man, what the fuck?

TT: I can't leave these two alone for a minute. Can a guy get his ablutions on in fucking peace?

GG: :B

GG: Was it that bad?

TT: Not really.

TT: The responder doesn't much distort my position on things usually.

TT: Its demeanor leaves something desired though. I'd prefer it didn't make such aggressive and repeated claims of fidelity to my persona.

TT: Be misrepresentin' hells of key subtleties, yo.

GG: Why not just turn it off then?

TT: Keeps them both on their toes.

GG: Who?

TT: Jake and the responder.

TT: Jake needs to be more skeptical. Rather than take a Pollyanna jackknife ass-first off whatever turnip truck is blowing through town that day, he's got to apply more critical reasoning to shit.

TT: I keep telling him.

TT: I keep telling him, dude, you got to be more like Jane.

GG: These lectures I presume are roughly similar in complexion to those I'm familiar with?

GG: Those wherein I have, and I quote, "got to be more like Jake?"

TT: Yes, exactly.

TT: You're finally fucking getting it.

GG: I sincerely doubt that I am!

TT: Said the stubborn skeptic, skeptically.

GG: Let's not talk about my "issues" again, shalln't we?

TT: Shalln't?

TT: That ain't a thing to say, even for you.

GG: Shush!

GG: The word shalln't escape my vocabulary any longer, just as you SHALLN'T nitpick my language! That's my turf you're on, buster.

TT: Alright. Kinda don't care.

GG: What were you saying?

TT: About what? Jake?

GG: About leaving the responder on!

TT: Yeah.

TT: Anyway, I kind of owe it to him to let the program run as often as possible.

GG: Jake?

TT: No.

TT: The responder.

TT: It is a fully cognitive, self-aware entity I am responsible for, not even to mention an approximate cerebral duplicate of myself.

TT: You don't just make a clone of yourself to live in a dead end existence where it has no chance to thrive as an individual or surpass its limitations.

TT: That'd be sick.

GG: True.

TT: Also.

TT: The more the software runs, the broader and more detailed its experiential canopy becomes. Makes for a better dialogic partner.

GG: Dialogic?

GG: Are you saying you have conversations with your own auto-responder?

TT: Of course.

TT: Why do you think I made the thing?

GG: Hrm, that's interesting.

GG: I guess I always thought it was just a really elaborate gag!

TT: It's that too.

GG: Sometimes your sense of humor seems more impenetrably advanced than your robotics. I'll never understand this tapestry of irony you weave.

GG: Maybe I'm just stuck in the dark ages of pranksterism with my funny mustaches corny old joke book.

TT: Yes, you are. But that's fine.

TT: We come from different traditions. Someone needs to keep that racist southern asshole's legacy alive.

TT: There's dignity in taking up the work of our familial predecessors, even if what they did was insanely fucking stupid.

GG: Is that a note of bitterness directed at your superstar brother I am detecting?

TT: No way. He's awesome.

TT: I've told you, I don't begrudge any of his success.

TT: I've also told you he isn't my real bro even though I call him that. We're related through an esoteric process of genetic reamalgamation.

GG: Oh lordy. Yes, yes, I know. I don't need another ironic lesson in science fiction!

TT: Alright. My lessons are rad as fuck, but suit yourself.

TT: The point is, obviously his satirical methods have flaws, and whatever tempered brand of hero worship I might be practicing isn't keeping me from seeing that.

GG: Flaws?? Talk about understatement. Those movies are unwatchable.

GG: Unless your name is Jake English.

TT: Yes, spectacularly so. But they will have profound historical significance. Mark my words.

TT: And flaws aside, it's a legacy I'm proud to inherit. My duty isn't to appropriate his methods with absolute loyalty, but to apply reason and improve upon them. To leave my own mark.

TT: To perfect the art of irony.

TT: It's just like what you're doing with the work of your ancestor. You are striving to perfect his hokey vaudeville bullshit, or something.

TT: You seek the Zen of a pie to the face. The Tao of falling the fuck down.

GG: Ermm...

GG: If you say so!

GG: I dunno. Call me a simpleton, but I just like funny jokes.

TT: Can't fool me. You take your shit as serious as I do.

TT: And if I wasn't serious about it, I wouldn't have made you that rabbit. Then where the hell would you be?

GG: Well, aside from thousands of dollars in corpse-repair richer, I can't say.

TT: Has he been sleeping in the old man hollow again? Shit, that's adorable.

GG: I can think of cuter places for him to sleep, frankly!

TT: Yeah, bullshit.

TT: He's just being instinctive. In the wild, he would gut a carcass and sleep inside for warmth, as well as to secure tactical advantage for ambushing would-be scavengers.

GG: Oh, please.

GG: Anyway, property damage and desecration to cherished elders aside, Mr. Bear has been a lovely addition to the family.

TT: You haven't renamed him yet?

GG: Oh... no.

GG: I keep forgetting I'm supposed to!

TT: You've got to fucking rename him. Or change him to a girl if you want. That was important.

TT: When pets change owners they get new names. Fact.

GG: Sorry.

GG: I will name him right now!

GG: How about Lil' Sebastian?

TT: Fuck if that isn't the best name a thing could get.

GG: Yeah!!!

GG: So then, are you saying Mr. Sebastian here was an ironic present?

GG: Relayed strictly for guffaws?? >:B

TT: Yes, but it's not that simple. There were many layers involved.

TT: Some of them are literal layers, of metal and plush.

GG: Huh?

TT: There's a real stuffed rabbit beneath its exoskeleton.

GG: What! Really? :O

TT: Yeah.

TT: It belonged to my bro.

GG: I thought you said you didn't have such an heirloom to complete the plushie trifecta?

TT: I didn't. He didn't give it to me, and never intended to bequeath it.

TT: I stole it.

GG: Ooh. Risky!

TT: Nah. I got a little help from RL and ganked it out of his museum.

TT: It's this whole "priceless" collection of stupid shit from movies, defended like Fort Knox. Ironically of course.

GG: So it's from a movie?

TT: Ever hear of Con Air?

GG: Nope.

GG: Wait...

GG: Wasn't that some bit of action schlock from the 90's?

TT: Yes.

GG: Some of the silly nonsense referenced in his work was well before my time. I don't have the wherewithal to investigate all this minutia.

TT: Yeah, it doesn't matter really. But it was from that. Dude weirdly obsessed over that shit movie for years, among others.

TT: Know those signature shades you see him wearing on magazine covers and stuff? Another prop. A gift from Stiller himself, I believe.

GG: That does sound a tad obsessive. Wasn't he furious about your burglary?

TT: Pretty sure he didn't even notice. In years since, I never saw a news story about a "daring heist" or anything. I feel like he would have made some hay outta that.

TT: And if he did know, he'd probably just want to give me a stoic fist bump or something.

GG: Why didn't you mention this when you gave the gift? More irony?

TT: Essentially. It's not that easy to explain.

TT: Broadcasting the gesture would have made it seem tawdry, and would somewhat defray its humor value.

GG: I see. So it was like a private joke, and if anyone besides you was in on it, the joke would be ruined!

TT: Like I said, there are layers.

TT: On one level, I gave you a filthy tattered piece of shit, albeit of tremendous cultural significance, manhandled by some old B movie actors, now candy coated to function as a highly practical defender droid for your personal protection.

TT: On another level, I needed to incorporate something passable as a real heirloom.

TT: For sentimental reasons.

GG: D'awwwww.

GG: Wait, real sentiment, or ironic sentiment?

GG: Or is there no difference?? Am I missing the point here?

TT: No, it was genuine.

TT: The upper echelons of irony should always include measures of sincerity. And if the satirical practice is executed faithfully it will achieve something bona fide in its own right regardless.

TT: Through an intense commitment bordering on religious devotion to the absolutely inane, absurd, or plain fucking stupid, a very different kind of sincerity begins to materialize. One of reverence to the ridiculous. You begin to "mean it," but what exactly it is you mean is never quite what appears on the surface, and is utterly inaccessible to obtuse and literal minds. That you "mean it" then becomes inseparable from the joke, and additional rich strata of humor may be stripped aggressively from this irreconcilable truth.

GG: This is fascinating, if a wee bit more dissertation than I bargained for this morning.

GG: I have so much to learn. And I am not even saying that "ironically!"

GG: Will you teach me your ways one day, sir? Perhaps an apprenticeship will open?

TT: Oh god, I'd love that.

TT: Consider the position yours for the taking any time. Feel free to approach and kneel before Cal. With my sword and his floppy mitten, you will receive my flashstep anointment shoulder to shoulder, and to shoulder again.

GG: Tempting, but that rain check will have to stay unendorsed for now.

GG: Lil' Seb is beginning to act out, and I must put his fidgetiness to constructive use!

TT: Cool.

TT: Jane, one more thing.

TT: I'm sure you must be aware by now that you'll be the leader of our group, as you will be the first to enter the session.

GG: Um, no?

GG: This is news to me. I never gathered that "team leader" was a thing for this game.

TT: Trust me. It's a thing.

GG: Are you sure? I have my doubts.

GG: I believe as a group we will have the temerity to succeed, without my having to order people around like an insufferable bossypants.

TT: That's why you're our leader, Jane.

GG: Hm?

TT: Optimism through stalwart skepticism is an affect not everyone is plucky enough to be graced with.

GG: That's stupid!

TT: Yeah yeah. I know.

TT: You're not our leader, you're our FRIEND, right?

GG: Precisely!

GG: There is a BIG difference!

TT: And statements like that are also why you're our leader.

TT: But only in name and in spirit. Less so, functionally.

TT: If it puts your mind at ease, I'll be the one pulling the strings here.

GG: Oh yes?

GG: Then this whole affair will be one of D. Strider's grand productions in puppetry?

TT: I will be the unseen hand whose nimble digits are behind every subtle twitch in our session's bulbous foam ass.

TT: At least those gyrations not happening by the volition of its own quivering absorbant proboscis.

TT: If you ever need help, Jane. If you're ever in any trouble at all, let me know. Just say the word.

TT: I'll whip the toggle stick of this ludicrous marionette, cavorting its humongous bottom to intercept your freefall through the abyss.

TT: Snowcone you up in the fluffy crook of its cleft. Don't be alarmed if you're in no hurry to unpry yourself.

TT: For the great jut of this impudent rump has more yield to your touch than you ever dreamt. Remember to catch your breath as it cherishes the imprint of your hand like a memento from a lover gone to war.

TT: There's a lot of give to that ass, you may say.

TT: Might like to settle in. Make myself comfortable. Start a family.

TT: Bounce a coin off that ass, you'll demand of visitors. It's not going anywhere.

TT: Bet that coin'll take a good nap there.

TT: It's a gamble you win every goddamn time.

TT: Yeah.

GG: These lessons we talked about...

GG: They've already begun, haven't they? :o

TT: Jane, soon you'll believe what I've told you.

TT: You'll believe it all.

TT: It's just a shame that believing will take something so coarse as seeing, for a girl as sharp as you.

TT: Critical thought can lead one to accept the unlikely, just as much as dismiss the impossible.

TT: I can help with this too. Would you like me to program a Jane Crocker responder for you?

TT: I only require a simple captcha of your brain.

GG: Holy moly!

GG: Um, thank you, but no.

GG: I'm not ready to get dialogic with my cyberself just yet. My friends keep me busy enough as it is.

GG: Speaking of which, I really need to go. I know you love to talk my ear off, and it's always a treat, but let's catch up later after the game starts, ok?

GG: And if I do need your help, I promise I'll take you up on your offer!

TT: I made several. Which one?

GG: The one where you, hopefully not literally, offered to catch me in the crevice of a great big squishy butt! Hoo hoo hoo!

GG: Gtg!!! <3

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased bothering timaeusTestified [TT]

#homestuck #dirk strider #jane crocker #homestuck act 6 #page 4256 #page 4257 #page 4258 #page 4259 #homestuck act 6 act 1

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tamiyagantetsusai · 7 months

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Me, standing in the mirror at 3 am, drunk out of my mind, re-enacting my pre-CV submission era debut at a bookstore: So, I've realised the girlies here don't really conform to the Booktok, and the boys are looking for Kafka. Did you know I can tell where we can get a book from just from looking at its ISBN? Yeah, 9781474, that's Jonathan Ball. Is it a manga? Yeah, it'll take a minimum four weeks, but due to our country being low on the list of priorities, it might take 8 to 16 weeks, no inbetween. You want me to contact you via Discord? Sure thing dude. Oh, Sarah J Maas is amazing, I met a girl in 2017 who has been 5+ years deep in her hyperfixation on the Throne of Glass series. I read the first 3 chapters and it was intriguing but I have 1000 books on my TBR list so it's not often that I can actually finish a book, but I swear you'll enjoy it. If not you can come back and throw the book at my head. Oh, you're looking for Riaan Mansers' adult books? I'll contact my coworkers who got me fired for a supposed case of sugar theft. I met him on several occasions and I'm sure I can convince him to send us a copy for you despite the limited (on-demand) print since none of the distributors have realised that they should have kept his books on the list for ordering. Oh, my sweet colleague from a different branch inquiring about a book from a local publisher you can't trace despite it being a google away? Sure, here, you can order Karavan Press titles from Protea. Protea Boekhuis or Protea Books? It's Protea Boekhuis, of course. "Hey, is this YA book any good?" "Yes, my little brother (re: coworker everybody assumed was my lil bro) has been obsessed with this authors books since he got to the level where he could comprehend them." Oh, you're tired of the fact that Wilbur Smith is dead and other people are continuing his books? Here's Tony Park. He's on par with old school Wilbur Smith, if not better. Can I tell you about how he traumatised me into memorising the faces of every local author, or how he holds fund raisers for the local wildlife, or how wonderful I think he is soley for the fact that he made my first (abusive) manager uncomfortable whenever we held book launches for him? Would you like to hear my opinion on where is the best place to order books that will actually interest you since the majority of book chains seem to have their own idea of what a bookstore is supposed to stock? Or would you like me to explain how the pricing margins work and why we have the best prices? Oh, why does x bookstore have this American book but we don't? Why is this book so pricey? Why do you not stock Bungou Stray Dogs? Why do you want me to explain to you, a German expat, why I don't believe Berserk is a suitable read for your 11 year old son, or why your 13 year old daughter should not read Colleen Hoover? Can I convince you to please support the local library? Please don't treat me like an information desk or map. Please allow me to recommend an author to your daughter that is not Enid Blyton. Please let your daughter read Amelia Fang. Do not underestimate your child when it comes to reading capability. Please let them read something where it has words that will challenge their vocabulary. Please, adults and older teens, read shitty books. Not every read needs to be perfect or life-changing. Learn to appreciate. Gift books aren't a thing anymore, I am sad that you cannot give your friend a book with humorous quotes or funny pictures, too. I want to have Chicken Soup for the Soul on my shelves just as much as you. Also, I am autistic. Yeah, I am AFAB and I don't look like your autistic son/daughter/cousin, but I understand and want to help the best I can.

#my posts #vent #books #long post

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thewriting-corner · 2 years

Text

Book Review - The Summer Break

First of all, thank you SO much to Megan Reinking for sending me an ARC of this book❤️❤️ I loved getting to know your characters. My review will be divided two sections: spoiler free and spoiler full. Read at your own risk.

Spoiler free review:

While I would not say that The Summer Break was the best written book, the cute scenes and banter were quick to back it up. At times the characters didn’t feel dimensional, but that didn’t stop the story from being enjoyable nor did it take away from the reading experience. The plot had some pretty nice twists at the end, and it was nice that for once in a romance book, the characters did not feel the need to cheat, break up or do any of the annoyingly (toxic and) stereotypical romcom climax actions. It was a nice breath of fresh air after a reading slump.

Main characters: 3.5/5

Side characters: 2.5/5

Romance: 4.5/5

Spice/Cleanliness: 🌶 includes one off page sex scene between consenting adults, a f-word drops and ocassional cursing

Writing style: 3/5

Pacing: 4/5 (could have been a teensy bit slower, but nearly perfect)

Plot: 4/5

Overall: 4/5

Spoilers begin now:

Matt’s POV was hard to read at times tbh. Sometimes the only reason I knew it was his POV and not Paige’s is because of the use of the word “man” or stereotypical American dude-bro vocabulary. It read like when a girl is mocking how a guy talks by making her voice deep and say ‘dude’ a lot. There were times he was a little unlikable (like him talking to himself over and over about how “he respects Paige’s no” but then would make a comment about changing her mind), but around the time he realizes he’s truly falling for Paige he finally becomes a little less… annoying. Regardless, he was swoonworthy and his relationship with his sisters was very sweet.

I have to admit though, he became SO interesting and so much more likable once he realized he would become a dad. I loved that subplot and it came at the best time.

I really enjoyed Paige’s character progression and LOVED seeing her inner thoughts while teaching, especially with the harder kids. It was something I’d never read before and it was super creative how she managed to get the kids to learn and open up. It was a bit annoying how for the first half of the book she spent it listing all the reasons why she wasn’t interested in Matt only to end up flirting with him and leading him on, but once they finally got together it got better.

OH and her relationship with Elliot was SO insanely cute. I loved watching him open up to her and her making the decision to foster and then adopt him was definitely something I saw coming, but REALLY enjoyed reading. I would have loved to see more of them alone as mom-kid instead of mostly teacher-student and then family with Matt, but they were still wonderful and one of my favorite parts of the book. And this is also my formal petition for a book set in a future featuring either a teenage or adult Elliot falling in love so we get to see how he and Paige progress as a mother-son duo.

Overall, the book had its issues with the writing style (in my opinion) but made up for it in plot. It was a super fun read and I recommend it to anyone looking for a light, sweet, sort of clean, feel good romance to feel really lonely about their lack of love life👍🏽 which Paige went through too!

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mxthtea · 3 years

Note

10 + 12 w xiao?? Romantic :)

theres so many different kind of skating oh god, i will assume it was roller skating for my sanity

xiao + skating + night walks (modern au)

from this prompt list

word count: 112

you laughed as you skated past xiao, turning your head as you looked back at him.

"hurry up xiao! you're going to slow!"

your boyfriend sped up to you and took your hand in his.

"don't go so fast, it's dark out and you could get hurt."

"c'mon, i know this place like the back of my hand. i won't run into anything."

he sighed and squeezed your hand.

"just stay with me at least."

he was quiet with that, you could barely hear it.

"whatever you say, xiao."

you raised his hand and kissed the back of it. he looked away but you could notice the flustered look on his face.

#vennys tales #genshin impact #xiao x reader #genshin x reader #askz #ivoray #lol thinking about game xiao roller skating is funny sjksd #just his normal outfit but he has a sick pair of roller skates #why do i have dude bro vocabulary #this took a long time m sorry sdhkds #kept rewriting it

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oflgtfol · 4 years

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anyway god i just remember a while ago i watched some video american vs english accents and the example was in how we pronounce water and when this british dude said Wahder like the american way it fucking BROKE me. my worldview SHATTERED . i didnt realize we said it that way

#like all my life i saw the word water and pronounced it wahder and didnt realize it.#all my life we've always said wahder and nobody realized it #and it only hit me that hard because the guy was british anyway so hearing Wahder out of his mouth was like #SUCH a stark contrast that it really just. HIT #like O_O #anyway that video is the single reason why i can mimic a british accent but ONLY with the word water #dont ask me which kind of british accent. theyre all the same to me #brot posts #i guess too because water is such an. innocuous word like you dont expect that to be the one we say radically different #like haha we go on about vocabulary differences and what not but nobodys comparing accents by the word water #until that video. and its like. GODDD WE SAY WAHDER BRO . WE SAY WAHDER #my description doesnt do it justice i need to find the video #like yes i say wahder all the time and me writing this post isnt having that impact of some 100% british dude saying Wahder #with a completely accurate bland american accent

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abbynx · 3 years

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0 to 100 real quick

La Squadra reacting to a usually silent, patient teammate snapping and going off

Genre: Platonic, just the bois being bros, definitely a self-projection, comfort

Warning: Cursing, mentions of breakup and manipulation

Your phone rang for the umpteenth time, the stubborn caller failing to realise how many times you've wordlessly made it clear you want nothing to do with him. All you ask of him was to finally leave you alone and yet he continues to persistently pest you. Your will power proved itself mighty to be tolerating his nineteenth call in five minutes.

It was your ex being a stubborn son of a bitch who has a lot of time in his hands, constantly asking you to pick up the phone and let him 'smooth out and explain' his recent relationship with his 'friends' behind your back. You were nowhere near stupid, nor gullible after joining the mob. despite your outward appearance as an innocent, average civilian you've hardened over time with the help of your career and turning your feelings off was no longer a challenge. Over time it simply became a light switch.

After his recent actions came to light, you bear to hesitation to break it off. For a moment you felt guilty when he gave his explanation to why he started seeing other people without you knowing; of course you knew what you were getting into when you signed your soul away to the devil to work in this line of career, you were constantly faced with death and lacked the time to spend time with him. He had no knowledge about what you do for a living, but you knew how to make it clear you were never going to be a simple one-call-away. But over time you've finally gained some self-worth and self-preservation to see through his guilt tripping, before you dropped his ass.

Now you were here, rejecting his calls before pocketing it back in your pants before resuming the movie night. Even putting the phone on silent it continued to bother everyone around you as you continued to nonchalantly press the reject call button.

How can you be this patient, the rest of the team questions but the answer lay before them. Risotto hired the timid assassin with potential for their unwavering patience and swift wits to wiggle them selves out of severe situations, something the time could use to be honest especially when you have a ticking time bomb with no timer and goes off at random. Perhaps the question would be simply answered with a short and simple one: "It's just Y/N being Y/N."

With the pestering phone calls bothering you for the past few days, your team can't help to be annoyed on your behalf and would like to chuck your phone into the deepest trench of the ocean and buy you a new one.

Much to everyone's chagrin, they watch you pick your phone up, however, what you did next was new and unexpected. Instead of rejecting the call, you finally picked up. Most of the time you'd politely greet, but today was certainly different. As soon as you picked up the phone, you wasted no breathe to speak and cut to the chase. All eyes turned to you, some were concerned, curious, shocked, or proud.

"Can you quit blowing up my phone, dude? Twenty FUCKING calls every second is getting tiresome. If you're calling me to 'explain' to me how you're not meeting your hookups then fuck off and get lost! what? Do you miss your personal ego booster? Well then fuck you, go try and choke on your own dick! Do you fucking think I'll believe your half-assed bullshit lies and pathetic fucking cries and bitching will win me over? You must be so fucking DELUSIONAL to be thinking you're worth the effort! What? Are you sad that I’m not a passable doll you can manipulate and mold to your liking? Is that it, you crazy son of a bitch? Can't you fucking get a clue that I'm over it? Huh? I couldn't care less about the new lies you've come up with to try and win me over, I'm done! Finished! Tapos! Ho finito! He terminado! Я задолбался! WHAT OTHER LANGUAGES DO I NEED TO SPEAK TO GET IT THROUGH THAT THICK FUCKING NOGGIN OF YOUR’S? CALL ME AGAIN AND I SWEAR TO ALL THINGS CONSIDERED MIGHTY THAT YOU WON’T HAVE ANY TEETH LEFT, DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND YOU FUCKING CHEATER? DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND? Good."

As soon as you finished the call, you calmly set it down with a sigh of relief. Peace at last. You adjusted yourself comfortably on your seat, wanting to watch the movie on display, when you felt you've made yourself quite the spectacle.

“What?”

Formaggio

- “Woooh, they went off!” His initial response was to high-five you for some reason but you accepted, nevertheless.

- Very shocked and yet enthusiastic at how you handles yourself at the face of a situation like this. Not to mention, the build up! From you trying to tolerate the caller for the past few minutes, before picking up the call and gave them an ass whipping to remember for the rest of his life!

- He would feel sorry for the person of the other side of the line if it weren’t for the fact he cheated on you, so good for him to be told off.

Illuso

- “Heh, about time you told him off.”

- Silently supportive at how you handled yourself at the face of a situation like this and admires you for it. It was very entertaining while it lasted, now he just wants to go back to watching the movie.

- Along that, he was shock that this hidden side of yours came put of nowhere and came out strong, which he thinks is pretty fucking rad. He now thinks back at the times where he gave you backhanded comments and how you managed to keep yourself cool under it... He now reminds himself not to get on your bad side, ever.

Proscuitto

- “.... Thank fuck you’re done, I was starting to think about throwing your phone out.”

- Extremely flabbergasted, as he has never heard you speak fluent in profanities, nor raise your voice at the duration of your stay in La Squadra. and addition to that, the fact you leaned on your seat and calmed yourself immediately as if nothing happened.

- Nevertheless, he feels proud at you for standing up to yourself and standing your ground. You have always been the timid one entering the world of crime and he overlooked your development within this new and risky life style. Looks like his mentoring worked wonders on you and he feels proud of himself.

Pesci

- “......”

- He was too shaken up to speak, he has never heard you be this angry and frustrated before as you’ve always kept calm in every situation and he admires you for that.

- He is shaken up, sure but it doesn’t really change how he views you. You were still the patient person he has ever met-- he just happen to witness you lose your cool once but he’s sure that this won’t define you.

Melone

- “Good for you for getting rid of that guy.”

- He’s just relieved that you’re finally done with the guy who has been giving Melone weird vibes the moment you told him about your then boyfriend. A few alarm bells rang in his head as you detailed how he acts around you and despite being happy for you back then, Melone was extremely vocal about his concerns. Looking back at it, he feels that his ‘paranoia’ wasn’t far off.

- He isn’t really shock, he’s just happy that you’re standing your ground and establishing yourself as a person who don’t need no one to use as a co-dependent crutch. After being around Ghiaccio, he really isn’t that phased anymore.

Ghiaccio

- “Fucking finally!”

- Similar to Melone, he’s just relieved your done with the phone calls and clingy boyfriend who is a walking-talking red flag. He hated how you didn’t have time back then to hang out with your other teammates just to spend time with your boyfriend to make up lost times, that often lasts until midnight and Ghiaccio can still hear you talking to your phone.

- Ghiaccio cares about you despite his distant veneer, and wants the best for the people he cares about. So he was happy that you finally broke your relationship of with a guy who doesn’t deserve you. Also, he’s starting to think that your choice of vocabulary all came from him and is unsure whether he should feel proud or not.

Risotto

- “Oh... Okay, good for you.”

- He blurted the first thing in mind, because he was just so shock at how you responded. He hired you for being so patient and calm at all times and now looking back, he doesn’t really see himself thinking that one day you’ll be going off without stopping to breathe and stutter.

- Don’t get him wrong, he actually thinks it’s awesome that you stood up for yourself like that, but just give him time to reel back to reality. He just never thought you’d explode that hard.

Gelato and Sorbet

- “See Sorbet? I told you they’d snap eventually!”

- The couple was immensely entertained at your empowering speech being quite the ego breaker and worse-fate-than-death threat. They adore it whenever they see a usually timid newcomer becoming unafraid to stand their ground and tell their oppressors off, it honestly feels like a proud parent thing for them to see their baby kid all grown up and kicking people in the guts with their words.

- If you would want a rebound, they won’t hesitate to set someone up with you who is far better than your dog-faced ex because they know that people are barely worthy for you

#la squadra x reader #platonic #x reader #comfort #formaggio x reader #illuso x reader #prosciutto x reader #pesci x reader #melone x reader #ghiacchio x #risotto x reader #gelato and sorbet x reader #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #jjba golden wind #jjba part 5 #la sqaudra #all the foreign language are basically just 'im done'

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tonesplash · 4 years

Note

May I request an Edward cullen nsfw head canons

edward x human gf nsfw :)

thanks to you edward operates on christan teenager logic where as long as his thingy doesnt go in your thingy and you do it everything is okay

HOWEVER god never said anything about the good old bump and grind

just imagine its edward on the bottom death gripping a pillow over his face so he cant scream or absolutely pulverize your pelvis

or him on top with your legs around his waist and hes just moaning into your mouth and ur trying to kiss him but hes Gone bro

has eaten your pussy Once In A Moment Of Weakness while taking a sexy shower together

but is forever scarred by the bruised handprints he left on back of your thighs while losing his concentration in the w a r m t h and taste 😎

that and ur legs gave out and you almsot cracked your head on the tile but that is neither here nor there

never been said before but im saying it now

edward cullen is a boob man no matter the size

will just bury his head in your tits

like rubs his face in them and between them just smelling you and listening to your heartbeat

minimal sucking bc his teeth are crazy, but those long flat licks 😩😩MAN

edward is less likely to actually penetrate you with his fingers but he figured out how to kind of make them vibrate with his Quickman Speed which is SICK

absolutely abuses ur clit w this knowledge

the first time he made you squirt was totally an accident and lowkey tries to make you do it more than he should because hes a FIEND

kind of the reason why he doesnt finger you often bc everytime hes like i need to touch it 👁👄👁👉 but i musnt to dehydrate my gf

a little obsessed with watching you cum, loves to listen to your brain scramble while you lose yourself

doesnt let you touch him that often bc he operates on the logic that 1 he will immediately snap and eat u in a not sexy way(okay a little sexy) and 2 ummm he clearly has inferiority issues w his s/o

even though thats total bs but okay edwin

service top kinda??? is that what they do

lots of mutual masturbation but it usually ends up with edward having a staring contest with your CERVIX and praising you to high heaven because u cant see anything when hes KNEELING ON THE FLOOR COME ON MAN

not the praise ur probably used to

baby girl is not in his vocabulary

hes on some rambling mr darcy little women shit combined with whatever trash he's heard in peoples heads its but nonetheless arousing

will call u darling and ask u to cum in the same breath

you tried to suck him off once and he immediately came in your mouth

he was so embarrassed he wouldn't let you try again until he gets his stamina up which dude

fuck that who cares it was hot

we know he definitely has the control to Not murder you upon penetration

but thats not happening until he wifes you up

however when de does he goes just a bit too fast? like just toeing the line of superhuman speed ouch and oh my god i will never walk again

doesnt even realize hes doing it and has overstimulated you a few times not catching it soon enough

#edward cullen imagine #edward cullen x reader #twilight imagine #smut #headcanons #edward cullen #my stuff #reqs #requests #requests open

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 years

Text

Perfectly Fine

Prompt: Hi! I would love to read something from you featuring asexual Remus! - anon

it is project onto fictional characters hour my dudes

Read on Ao3

Warnings: discussions of the reality of being a sex-repulsed ace in a very allo world, nothing explicit

Pairings: none you heathens

Word Count: 1358

It takes them longer to figure it out than it should have and honestly, that’s on them.

But Remus is Remus, and that's perfectly fine.

It takes them longer to figure it out than it should have and honestly, that’s on them.

So it’s no secret that Remus’s particular sense of humor is equally as derived from what he finds funny and what makes the others the most uncomfortable. Logan did an analysis of it once and the results were 49%-51%. Which one is which varies but the quantities are incredibly consistent.

The trick is figuring out that the balance applies to Remus too.

And sure, the idea of Remus being uncomfortable is…difficult to remember sometimes, given that, you know, he’s Remus, but it’s there! It’s worth remembering! He’s a Side too! But considering his metric for ‘uncomfortable’ is wildly different from everyone else’s, it’s easy for them to overlook it. Maybe he gets some excitement out of grossing himself out too, maybe there’s a sick thrill in seeing just how close he can get himself to vomiting, honestly, who knows. Remus is Remus and that’s perfectly fine.

So here’s the big one that, again, took them way too long to figure out.

Remus is asexual. Not just asexual, sex-repulsed asexual.

Let’s reiterate: Remus is Remus and that’s perfectly fine.

It just…took them by surprise, is all.

“Wait,” Logan says, adjusting his glasses, “you’re asexual?”

“Those are the words I used,” Remus says, his head hanging off the couch.

“I—I heard you, I am…simply surprised,” Logan settles on, closing his notebook and setting it aside. “I would not have guessed that Thomas’s Sides would have different sexualities or romantic orientations.”

“What does it matter, Pocket Protector?”

“It doesn’t, it’s interesting to me.”

“Does that mean that all of us could potentially have different sexualities?” Patton’s head pokes above the counter as he digs for the good muffin tray—not the one Janus swiped three hours ago, of course not—in the cabinets. “Or no?”

Logan shrugs. “I imagine it would be possible, though I find it likely that at least some of us share Thomas’s.”

“My ears are burning,” Roman announces, plopping onto the couch next to his brother, “what incredibly gay thing are we talking about now?”

“Yeesh, Princey,” Virgil mutters, recovering from flinching horribly into the chair, “don’t do that, you scared the hell outta me.”

“Sorry, Virgil.” Roman taps Remus’s leg, hanging up over the back of the couch next to his head. “Why’re you upside-down?”

“Why’re you right-side up?”

“Remus…prompted a discussion on sexualities,” Logan says carefully, sparing a glance at Remus, “and we were debating the question of if we, as Thomas’s Sides, all have different sexualities.”

Remus kicks Roman in the head. “Told them I’m ace.”

“Oh, that makes more sense.”

“Really, and here I thought Remus beginning a complex introspective conversation was the height of character accuracy.”

“Payback,” Virgil sniggers as Roman startles horribly as Janus appears from behind the couch. “All jokes aside, I’m with L, I, uh, didn’t expect Remus to be ace.”

“Why not?”

Janus scoffs. “Couldn’t be the number of sex jokes you make on a daily basis, not at all.”

Remus shrugs.

“I think it’s just surprising considering how comfortable you are making the jokes, kiddo.”

“The fuck makes you think I’m comfortable with them?”

“Lang—what?” Patton’s head pops up again.

“A wild Patton appears!”

“Has Thomas…ever been interested in Pokémon?”

“What do you mean, comfortable?” Patton tilts his head, focused entirely on Remus and not the others making Pokémon jokes. “Are—are you not comfortable?”

“Remus isn’t exactly known for his ‘comfortable’ sense of humor, Padre,” Roman says, leaning back on the couch to make eye contact around Remus’s legs.

“But—but that—hold on.” Patton stands up—“ah! More Wild Patton!”—and puts his hands on the counter. “Remus, why would you make jokes that make you uncomfortable?”

Remus eyes him from upside-down. “Why does anyone do anything?”

“Sheer, absolute boredom, yeah, yeah, we get it,” Virgil sighs, “but it’s a good question, Remus.”

Remus just shrugs, only for it to dislodge him from his precarious position and slide toward the floor. Roman watches him collapse into a graceless heap and rolls his eyes, lying down on the couch.

“Hey! You stole my spot!”

“You’re the one who moved. Hey—!” Roman squawks in surprise as Remus throws himself on top of him. “You’re squishing me!”

“Too bad for you.”

“Remus,” Janus says softly, “are you…does sex make you uncomfortable?”

“Like maggots are crawling through my bones!”

The living room is quiet for a moment, enough to make Remus push himself up and stare around at them.

“What?”

“Sex isn’t something shameful, Remus,” Patton says patiently—and wow, isn’t that a surprise— “I promise.”

Remus rolls his eyes. “I know that, it just makes me want to rip all of my skin off and start over.”

“Why?”

“It’s bad enough I have to live in this meat sack,” he grouses, flopping back down and eliciting a soft ‘oof’ from Roman, “don’t need to be consciously reminded of it.”

“...‘meat sack?’”

“Oh, sorry, Lolo, ‘flexible container of mostly water.’”

“That’s not—well, yes, I suppose that is more accurate,” Logan says as he adjusts his tie, “but why would you choose to refer to your body as a meat sack?”

Remus shrugs. “’S not like I’d choose to be in this fucking thing. Evolution fucked up when it made us this way, at least we aren’t fucking horses. Oh, hey—“

“No,” Roman interrupts, “no jokes about that.”

“Spoilsport.”

“Remus?”

“What do you want, Snake-Face?”

“Are you…uncomfortable with your body?”

“Every day! It’s awful! I wish I didn’t have one!” At Janus’s muffled noise of heartbreak, Remus cranes his neck to look up at him. “Oh, relax, I’m fine, discomfort is part of my existence.”

“But it shouldn’t have to be.”

Remus huffs a sigh when he realizes that everyone else is looking at him with a similar amount of concern. Well, except Roman, but Roman gets it so that makes sense.

“I may or may not be being slightly dramatic, I am fine.”

“Can confirm,” Roman hums lazily, “comes with the Creativity gig.”

“Look, I just don’t like that it’s—it’s—“ Remus’s gaze lands on Patton— “look, Cookie Monster over there is allergic to cats, right?”

Logan frowns, glancing back and forth between them. “Yes, what does—“

“He’s not gonna die from it and he can still be around them, he’s just hyperaware of when there are cats and he can’t spend a lot of time around them without being really uncomfortable, right?”

Logan blinks in surprise. “Yes, I understand what you’re saying. Very clever analogy.”

“I am Creativity, you nitwit.”

He rolls his eyes fondly. “Of course.”

“So,” Virgil says cautiously, waving a hand at him, “you’re…good?”

“Yep. Goody-goody gumdrops, that’s me.”

“As long as you never say that again, fine.”

Roman gives him a hug. “I’m proud of you, Re, coming out is hard. Especially when you have to give people a vocabulary lesson when you do it.”

“Thanks, Ro-Bro.” Remus’s grin widens. “Does that mean I get to pick the movie for tonight?”

“What? No! It’s my pick! Hey! Hey!” Roman squeals as Remus starts to poke his belly. “Don’t! Dohohon’t!”

“Let me pick!”

“No!”

“Boys,” Janus sighs, reaching out and using his six arms to separate the twins, “that’s enough. Roman, what movie are we watching?”

“Pacific Rim.”

“Hey, wait, that’s what I was gonna pick!”

“See? There you go.”

Logan perks up immediately. “Does this mean we finally get to watch a movie with no romantic subplot?”

“And batshit physics.”

“We can overlook the batshit physics.”

“Whoa, L, what happened to you?”

“I…may have a greater appreciation for the cinematic depictions of the machinery.”

Patton just rolls his eyes and gets back to searching for the muffin pan. No movie night is complete without fresh baked goods. Ah, there it is, although he could’ve sworn he looked there a few moments ago…

Anyway, they end the conversation in the same place it started.

Remus is Remus, and that’s perfectly fine.

General Taglist:@frxgprince @potereregina @reddstardust @gattonero17 @iamhereforthegayshit @thefingergunsgirl @awkwardandanxiousfander @creative-lampd-liberties @djpurple3 @winterswrandomness @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes @iminyourfandom @bullet-tothefeels @full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind @demoniccheese83 @pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious @firefinch-ember @fandomssaremysoul @im-an-anxious-wreck @crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch @enby-ralsei @unicornssunflowersandstuff @wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams @averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @aularei @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws @cecil-but-gayer @i-am-overly-complicated @annytheseal @alias290 @tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance @whyiask @crows-ace @emilythezeldafan @frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires @cyanide-violence @oonagh2 @xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx @rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734 @triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo @cerulean-watermelon @puffed-up-bees @meltheromanstan

If you want to be added/taken off the taglist, let me know!

#dragonbabbles #fic #sanders sides #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #janus sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #ace #asexual #asexuality #sex-repulsed asexual

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sonybees · 3 years

Text

me rewatching dead poets society instead of doing my assignments

i’m not sure if anyone would even care about this but i am really bored soo here we go

neil looks so down when he’s with his father stopdjejdkfjnr

poor todd got forced to stand up i would get pissed eujehd

the best preparatory school? lmfao ok.

KEATING YAY

THE PRESSURE THAT TODD HAS TO GO THROUGH I CAN SEE IT IN HIS EYES HE DOES NOT WANT THIS WTF

poor kids being forced to go there

LMFAO SPAZ

i still don’t know what a stiff means is that even what he said?

OOPS LMFAO

attractive pieces of sht leaning on a door frame help

“keen.” HA

YESSIR USJSJSJ

why does meeks kind of sound like me when i meet someone new

“he flatters me.” LOLSJNDKSHSJJSKSJDC

“i thought you’d gOne.”

freaking hell stfu tom

i’ve always thought this who calls their father “sir” ???

THE LOOK CHARLIE AND KNOX SHARE HDNEJDJF

“BRAIN DAMAGE” HSMEJD

they all look so confused like same

BRO SPAZ LMFAO

their smiles are so cute awwjdnejsnjd

POOR PITTS SHJWJS

MEEKS SMILE WHEN HE SAID AN UNFORTUNATE NAME

DING

“turn cold and die.” damn that took a turn fast

caaaaaarpeeeee dieeeeeem @siezethedaypoets (sorry! sjjejs)

“that means you daLtoN” the way he says it lfmaosjjd

i thought he was gonna do history he pulled out his chem book dhjshdbd

take a breath knox damn

them just not at all understanding math is a mood

too bad :/

AWW THE WXCITEMENT IN PITTS AND MEEKS EYES

“very funny, dalton.” hehehhehehejjdjdjfjrkdn ccmv mf

AWW MEEKS

CHARLIE WTF YOU DRAWING

RIP SHRED TEAR

RIP RIP RIP

oh shit

ahh one of my fav scenes, charlie basically eating that ball of paper

i hate looking at this it’s so awkward like hello mr. mccallister

what will your verse be?

THE MASHED POTATOS

“no, keating.” LMFAO YES GO KEATING

is that stick? on the end of the table?

“don’t come please.”

“no shIt, sherlock.” HA I LOVE THIS GUY

“pittsie, cmon!” “his grades are hurting, charlie.” i literally just love this conversation

“i’ll try anything once.” “except sex!” “ha ha ha.” HSJWJJSND ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAV CONVOS

“WOMEN SWOON HA HA HA” THE EVIL LAUGH WTF SHEJJS

“CHARLIE @tellmewhytheyswoon” SORRY I HAD TO LMFAO

LMFAO SHUT UP WILL YOU

this is so chaotic and messy damn

the treatshsjdj

they’re loud asf

i wonder who’s who while they were running with the hoods

OH CRAP THE SUN IS OUT WHAT that isn’t in the movie sorry

I LOVE MEEKS AND CHARLIE’S RELATIONSHIP SM

i could never take note of the minutes when something happens how will he do that

YESSIR PART TWO

HOW DID PITTS TAKE THE OTHER HALF SO FAST

EVEN TODD KNOWS CAMERONS STORY LMFAO

LMFOA KNOX IS STARING AT THE PICTURE

MEEKS HOOO THEN I SAW THE CONGO CREEPING THROUGH THE BLACK

THE LITTLE BOING NOISE LMFAO WHAT IS THAT

“are you a man or an amoeba?” i’m sorry lol what the hell do you mean sjdjiend

TO WOO WOMEN

“why do i stand up here? anybody?” “@tofeeltaller” HA I LOVE DOING THIS IM SORRY

i would cry if i found out that i had to make a poem AND read it aloud in front of everyone

poor todd thougsjwhidfj

i wanna marry todd. lmfao where did that come from

RADIO FREE AMERICA

AWW THEM DANCING STFU THIS IS SO CUTE

i can’t hear the audio hellloooooojdjwksbdken

AWW we got some anderperry content here

lol i wanna wear their sweaters

:/// TODD

“no.” “no? what do you mean no?” “no.” *smirks* HAJDJDJWKNS

DONT BE IMMATURE

IDK WHERE TF THE INSTRUMENTS CAME FROM BUT I LOVE IT

the birds are so pretty

nice outfit knox

STOP STARING DUDE YOU’RE MAKING IT TOO OBVIOUS CMON

“sounds to me like you’re daunted.” JSJS

TO INDEED BE A GOD

MEEKS AND PITTS WOTH THEIR HEADPHONES ON AWW

“PUCK YOU” LMFAOAJSJJDJ

i bet todd’s poem is actually great

“the cat sat on the mat.” DNDIDHJDJDJDHS i love how keating still said it wasn’t all bad though

BRO DAMN DONT CALL TODD AND I OUT LIKE THAT

lmfao todd’s just hating every second of this

“sweaty toothed madman” i can see that too whatsbjdjdjsn

THIS IS BETTER THAN ANY POEM I EVER TRIED TO WRITE GREAT JOB TODD

NEIL IS AMAZED

when keating pushed their foreheads together wtf aww father son love typa thing that’s so cutejjedujsidj

LMFOA NO KNOX TRIPPED

YAYY GOAL

wtf this seems so fun

“your parents collect pipes? oh that’s really interesting.” LFMAOOAJSJD I LOVE PITTS

poetrusic by charlie dalton

laughing crying mumbling tumbling

DAMN HES GOOD

the little kind of aggressive hair ruffle awwjendn

OOO VOCABULARY

LMFAO THE LITTLE CHUCKLE KNOX DOES

AWW THEYRE ALL SO HAPPY FOR KNOX

THE SCARFSJJD

“exercising my right not to walk.” smartass

it’s todd’s birthday and no one greeted him excpet neil stfukqbxqbcdbkrw

the first unmanned flying desk set yes yes

THEY ALL JUST STOOD UP LMFAO

merlin knox you are DRUNK

PLEASE DONT ISTG KNOX

THATS NOT WHAT HE MEANT BY CARPE DIEM

well you’re in deep trouble now

“it’s God. he says we should have girls at welton.” as much as i love this scene what the hell were you thinking my man

i don’t get how this was legal back then. wtf is it gonna do? you’re just hurting the kids bro

the pain in his eyes stop

“@dangitneil the name’s nuwanda.” pain brokqdb jdjf

CRAP CRAP CRAP MR PERRY GET OUT

the pic of keating’s wife/gf aww

neil you’re gonna make me cry stop

that is so odd why are their lockers like connected from the left side isn’t it usually from the right?

JSKSIJDEIUWKDRUEJSJX CHRIS IS SO DONE NODKDMD

that piece of bread

THIS GUY JUST SHOVED A KID CMON KNOX

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOTHING?”

AWW WHEN TODD MESSED UO CAMERONS HAIR

CHARLIE LMFAO I MENA NUWANDA

KNOX IS DONE W THEM TOO

chris is gorgeous omg

the snow in her hair stop marry me

“you are SO infuriating”

i hate how i’m just completely forgetting what’s gonna happen in like 10 minutes

PUCK

LMFAOTHEM HOLDING DOWN CHARLIE

“he’s really good.” AW YES HE IS FUCSHWMDMD

wait the holding hands is kinda cute thoughsjdnd

bro mr perry is making me want to kill someone maybe him

NEIL’S SMILE IMMEDIATELY WENT AWAY IHATE YOU TOM

damnit you idiot i hate you sm let your son live you bastard

sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sobs sobs sobs

merlin neil

IM JUST NOT GONNA THINK ABOUT THIS YK

HA HA HA NOT CRYING

SIGHS AGAIN

DEAR LORD

NO TODD IS GONNA MAKE ME CRY TOO STOP

THEY ALL SEEM LIKE THEYRE IN SHOCK NO

damn everything

SIGH WHY DIDNT I STOP WATCHING? IDFK

“it’s beautiful.” NOFNEJWGHSGEMWGE NEED WH

KEATING NO

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

charlie just sitting down not singing i hate this

i probably should’ve just stopped watching yk but i didn’t but that’s okay i think

i got so pissed the first time they said that they were gonna ask questions like??? did mr perry did no at all realize that it was his fault?

sigh cameron you aren’t always that bad but in this scene i loathe you

NO RICHARD

DAMNIT YOU MADE TODD SNAP

AND CHARLIE SNAPPED TOO YOU JUST MESSED UP TOO MUCH MAN

i hate how it went from a happy dark academia movie to this cmon

todd’s dad is so mean shut up he was just asking a question

it feels so sad in the room i hate it

the empty chairs pls no

keating’s little chuckle man i miss their smiles

BRO SROP THEY LOOK SO SAD TODD ISTG

*GASP OF HAPPINESS IN THE MIDDLE OF CRYING* HUHUHUH

TODD MEEKS STICK SPAZ PITTS KNOX GEORGE? HA I LOVE YALL

and we’re done. damn okay

thanks for reading ig fjdbshsbjwhdjsj

anyways i’m tired goodnight or morning or wtvr thanks! and sorry <3

#dead poets society #dps #tw swearing #tw caps #sofia rambles #sofia watches #sigh #sniffles #HUHUHU

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bootyyy-shaker9000 · 3 years

Note

for everyone, numbers 2, 5, and 6 in the general section? :0

2. How protective are you of them?

Raph: He's a big boy, he can handle himself. But if somebody other than me or the guys hits him I swear-

Donnie: Considering he's a dumbass and gets himself into shit more times than none, it's hard not to be the slightest bit concerned for his well-being. Slightly.

Mikey: To the point where obviously I'd care if something bad happened. He's family, I don't want him getting hurt or have other people making him feel like crap. He's a good guy, he doesn't deserve that shit.

April: He's pretty capable of holding his own, at least from what I've seen, but then I've also seen how he is when he hangs out with Casey and Mikey so yeah, very protective, very concerned.

Casey: I've already curbed a guy for tripping him over in the corridor at school so... I guess not that protective.

5. Have you noticed any habits or mannerisms that they've picked up or inherited from you? What do you think about it?

Raph: Right well... I have this thing where before I eat ramen or just anything with chopsticks, I have to tap the end of 'em on the table two times (I know it's random I hear it all the time) and Arlo just kinda copied it one day. At first it was like a "weird why do you do that" type of thing but now I've somehow got him doing it all the time.

Donnie: He's caught on to the same habit as I have of sticking his tongue out while he's concentrated. I'm sure it's probably from hanging around me while I work; at least it shows that he does have the capability of paying attention to what I do/say.

Mikey: This one's a little, heh, lame but... I have this thing where when I get scared I just koala the person closest to me... And I dunno I think I did it to Arlo one too many times for him to get into doing that too. It's not like I have a problem with it! Honestly seeing him like that makes me a little less embarrassed about it.

April: I've noticed that when he's been talking to me for a long period he gets stuck in a 'soft voice' relatively close to mine. It's pretty cute I have to admit, but also hilarious when he goes to talk to the guys afterwards and has to do a double-take.

Casey: Pretty much just any slang he's learnt from me since he came to NY. He'll go "YEEE BOI" a lot and tbh I vibe with it.

6. What kind of names (affectionate, derogatory, or otherwise) do you call each other?

Raph: For him? Pretty Boy (Derogatory). He calls me Red sometimes, but he calls April that too so it can get pretty confusing...

Donnie: Does nuisance count? I don't really stray from calling him by his name, unless he's being, well, Arlo. Then it's bitch (affectionate). Aside from the 'dude, bro, man' vocabulary he uses on pretty much everyone, he calls me... Donnie boy and Donton (like the wanton, yes).

Mikey: I've called him Arlo the Dino since we watched that one Disney movie for bros night! (Legit I thought he made that name up...) Sometimes he'll call me a spoon, or was it goon? One of those, probably both.

April: I call him an idiot sometimes, mainly because he can be, but I never mean anything bad by it. Usually I just stick to his name! He calls me Dimples sometimes, and Milkshake (it was one time and it happened a year ago smh) and sometimes Love when he's trying to be genuine.

Casey: I call him Mate but only in his accent specifically (to piss him off lmao). I'm pretty sure we've got more,, He calls me a nutter a lot tho, whatever that means.

#me and the boys #raphaella aye aye #the guy with the stick #bby ur my angel 😫#that one redhead #cavemouth #he's self shipping again get the hose #f/o takeover #familial f/os #((AHSFJSJ Leo just sitting on the sidelines while all of this is going on like ._. ))

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sam-blackbird · 3 years

Text

What if episode 8 spoilers!

I wrote this while watching the episode and after, but I don’t stop the episode every time I had something to said because it would have been to long. (In fact that’s what I did so it’s really a long post, sorry!) Anyway, let’s began!

OMG there’s « Jeremy Renner » in the opening! *fangirling in Hawkeye/Clint Barton fan* Wait, about the opening, it’s different from the others, the ones from the previous seven episodes, right? OMG blond-haired-Natasha! *also cry in fangirl*

The Watcher talking about a reality which end and which breaks his (?)(we always assume that’s The Watcher use the he/him pronouns but as far as I’m not sure of it, I’ll use the they/them pronouns) their heart and guess what? I think this episode will break mine!

It snow… (Please tell me it’s not ashes (Maybe from the burning world?))

Holy- Natasha!!! My heart is tight and I feel bad and sad and now I want to cry, Marvel I hate you. Also, she looks hurt, Marvel I double hate you for that, stop playing with my feeling please!

*yell and screams* My little boiiii!!! (Hawkeye/Clint Barton just appeared on my screen) (and I’m really happy of it) (I hope he won’t be hurt, or I’ll became violent because no one hurt my little baby! Yes, I’m aware that he’s older and stronger than me but I don’t care, let me dream and cry, ok?) Also, excuse me, but what happened to his right arm? I’m not sure but if it’s what I think it is, Marvel you’re gonna have big trouble (and by that I mean my insulting you in French in my room, which isn’t that bad I think)

Good I love this action scene and this duo! And the Hawkeye cape is really stylish! I want the same! It seems so cool! Can we agree on the fact that that’s a cape of invisibility, like in Harry Potter?

Also, that’s a metal arm or a prothese that he have instead of his right arm?! Marvel please no! *screams and swear in French*

The three-arrows thing was cool!

*double scream in French when the robots hurt Hawkeye*

Touch him and I’ll kill you you robots! Yay! Natasha!

Wait a minute, I just think about it but where are the others? (I’m full of fear now)

A joke about him being disable? Ah. Sooo fun 😒 (no) Natasha saying that puns aren’t her speciality… Girl, no kidding?! Also, the « It’s Russia. Secrets were the national pastime. » is actually a good one! (Is that the ruins of Saint-Petersburg?)

« One‘s man dream »… You mean his stupidity and/or madness of values, right?

Oh sh¡T! Ultron dear, you’re a son of a Tony, and that’s not a compliment. Dumbass, if you erase the life on Earth, first of all that‘s not nice (thank you Captain obvious) and then, how can we have the wonderful Wandavison?! (Yeah, I love this ship, one of the only hetero ones I like)

Clint being worried for his family wasn’t something I needed today you Marvel!

Scuse me WTF?! He cut Thanos like a shitty piece of paper?! And this purple idiot let him a free access to the Infinity stones?! (Well, he may don’t think things were gonna happened that way but it’s a big catastrophe, like *scream in French*)

*swear in French* Ultron my dear don’t do that!!! *scream for the happy universes we saw* *cry for it* Also, Ultron might be a vilain but we can’t deny they’re (again I’m not sure about the pronouns) really good looking. I mean, their design is really cool and full of style and it’s sad it would bring us tears and desperation because they’re really stylish -I know I repeated the same think but I think it and my English vocabulary isn’t really good :C -.

And I was right to fear for the others :C

Ultron, peace isn’t destruction!

Did he just destroyed Earth?! *is shocked and don’t accept it* *my heroes can’t die, right? * (friendly reminder that Tony’s not part of my heroes)

And Asgard?! *still in disbelief*

*saw their favorites MCU characters disappear from the screen* No! Nooo! *cry for real and had to put pause to cry* (my heart is broken, why did you did this Marvel?!)

The Great Master is just like us, he watch what’s happening in disbelief because it’s so… absurd. It’s not happening, right? It’s just a nightmare and I’ll wake up soon, right?

What the f_ck Xandar?! Captain! *cry with joyfull tears* Please kick Ultron’s ass! Skynet, LoL, I understand that reference! (Am I that old?!)

Wait, I just realized but if Ultron had destroyed Earth, it means Maria -you know, Carol’s wife- is dead?! *gasp in pain*

« You can’t win. - I already have. » Dude WTF?! Let me have hope you son of Tony!

Crap Ultron broke the 4th wall and heard the narrator (aka The Watcher!)! We’re in danger! All the universes are in danger! Our mental health are in dan… Wait, I don’t have that one.

*deep breath with Natasha and Clint appears on screen*

Hey Watcher, maybe you could help them, no? I mean, the multiverse is in danger and they’re your last hope, remember? But no, it’s so much fun to watch them looking in all the boxes… 😒

Is that Alexei Red Guardian’s shield? You really want me to cry Marvel?! (oh no, now I’ve got « Bye bye Miss American Pie » stuck in head… Great, really)

*Clint talking about his low will to live* Me: same here bro! Not exactly for the same reasons but same here!

Watcher, stop talking just f_cking help them! That’s what you called « intervene » Watcher?! LoL seing them trying to talk to the duo Clintasha is the funniest think in this episode for now xD

Not this escalator xD *think about the scene with Steve and Bucky in it in Captain America: The Winter Soldier* *smile*

Francis?! WTF?! XD

How to kill Zola? With water xD Oh God I love Clint so much xD

« I’d like to order a pizza » LoL *die of laughing because it was unexpected* xD (See? She can make pun!)

Yes, a specific arrow! Also, don’t explain us you plan! If we know the plan before it happened, it’s not gonna work!

I’m love the trio Clint-Natasha-Zola actually!

Wait… Natasha holding Clint furiously reminds me of what happened in Voromir… *realization* NO! No no no no No! I see what you trying to doing here Marvel! No! I want them to live! Both of them!

*shock* *cry*

The « I don’t want to fight anymore » wasn’t something I needed Marvel! Why would you do this to me?! WHY?!

*also, sadly, we know that Ultron won’t die in this episode because we saw it in the end of episode 7 and it was after episode 8 I guess*

THEY DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT HAPPENED IN ENDGAME THOSE *incomprehensible swear drowned in tears* !!! I hope all the one who said that « it should have been Clint » regret it!

And the little smile! He’s relieve to leave and to join his family! *cry in pain*

Why do I still watch The MCU?! I know it’s painful but I still watch, why?!

Apart of that, can we talk about the beauty of this scene? The music, the light who goes on Clint…

Watcher, you sure you can’t do anything ?!

I’m sorry but I have to : Nat, you’re such a poser !

Wait, The Watcher is actually really badass and strong!

What the f_ck Steve?! Why became president?!

WTF?!

Wait, it’s already the end?! Ah, no. Fiou.

What the… That’s Strange. And by that I don’t only said that it’s weird, but also that that’s literally Doctor Strange from episode 6.

How the f_ck does he end up there!? No idea.

I love the ending music, god!

*enging credits* What the… The CNC and Film France helped?! *disbelief but also pride to be French*

And that’s it! Finished! One week to wait until the next one?! It’s gonna be sooo long (actually no because of my studies but you understand what I mean, right?)

#what if spoilers #what if ep 8 #what if episode 8 #marvel #mcu

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