#why am I making myself cry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

emotionaldisaster909 · 4 months

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This scene of him walking after QiangQui.

With an outstretched hand.

And a call of his name that got no answer.

Helpless to stop him.

Helpless to say anything else to him.

He accepted being nailed in a coffin, buried alive for 100 years for crimes he didn’t commit.

Yet he is unable to speak in the face of what he actually did.

In the face of his disciple knowing that his teacher lied to him.

Feeling that anything good he did for him by taking on the punishment far greater than anyone could ever deserve

Was just reduced to nothing.

He readily took a blame for a massacre he didn’t do

But he can’t handle the guilt of ending a life of a dying person and lying to someone who trusted him

Even if by this he prevented genocide and archived future peace for his people he once failed to protect.

Because he still killed.

And still hurt.

He can’t be pretend to be a cold-hearted Guoshi anymore.

His disciple won’t turn around.

#tgcf #hualian #xie lian #hua cheng #lang qianqiu #fangxin guoshi #why am i making myself cry #tian guan ci fu #tgcf thoughts #tgcf season 2 #tgcf donghua #heaven officials blessing #天官赐福 #tgcf s2 #tgcf analysis

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no-brain-just-good-omens · 2 months

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genuinely crying again they love eachother so much TwT

LOOK AT THE WAY AZIRAPHALE IS LPOKING AT CROWLEY!!1!! I AM SICK!!! I AM DYING!!! THAT IS A MAN WOMAN PERSON NOT PERSON ANGEL THAT IS SO SEVERELY IN LOVE!!!!!

#anyway what im saying is im lonely #i’ll never have anything as good as what they have #why am i genuinely crying over how much they love each other #good omens #good omens s2 #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable divorce #ineffable husbands #good omens brainrot #good omens is making me sad again #i need to stop doing this to myself #HOW TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THESE GAYS

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noname-404s-blog · 10 months

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😢

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lunarharp · 3 months

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"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #i hate having a strong cinematic image in your mind for months..working hours on it..& at the end looking you have to be like “Sure. :/"#i'm especially unsatisfied with the beginning and the end and how i can't get eyebrows to work as i want #but i dont care any more... this is probably the comic that has given me the most trouble ever i just dont care #i barely even care whatsoever if anyone even sees this..Ugh..but at least i can move on to the next era now #i'm just annoyed i cant get out good enough my image of qifrey flinching bc he thinks oru will hit him but then he is not hit #i feel like sensei will do something along these lines. i want to see what she will do.#there are also other variations i have in my mind. i just want to know #i just don't want it to happen with qifrey on his deathbed or something. but it possibly will. I DONT EVEN KNOW.#i have another very cinematic image in my mind for something sort of along those lines which i will do soon. it never ends...#btw after this is probably my fics. yeah.... i think it has to be my fics. jasmine sort of goes along these lines #i need that space for dialogue. look - i'm a writer. this is HARD for me. so i am really glad i had the space and freedom of words #to process all the feelings. but i tried to get something out in a quick visual space too. <- me defending myself to myself at cai court #anyway going along the lines of 'Jasmine' - they talk this out and argue and cry and oru pushes the hat at him and tells him #why not just erase every memory i have of you then. That would be easier for us all wouldn't it?#they kiss and sob and kiss and lie outside in the flowers for many hours in that one. and then there's 'Deep End' where it turns out #way way way way more time and words is needed for this actually and that's upsetting for everyone.#the destruction of the hat is certainly another path to take. Can you make this work without that hat going up in flames?#something you have always had and have been clinging to will have to be destroyed. You have to lose something now. This is the crux qifrey #I CANT GET IT OUT IN ONE COMIC!!! I CANT DRAW IT OUT!!!! I NEEDED THOSE FICS!!!! PRAISE WORDS!!!! whatever im going to have dinner now

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wytchsbrew · 1 year

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I love the idea of reincarnated soulmates finding each other in every lifetime, every universe, every timeline. Imagine, a cocky Wolfwood walking into a coffee shop, laughing with Livio. They sidle up to the empty counter, and... suddenly, he smells geraniums. It's overwhelming and nearly chokes him, filling his senses like some otherworldly, ghostly scent.

He stops dead in his tracks and slowly turns to the counter. A beautiful cashier with swooping golden hair, three gold hoops in one ear peers up at him with impossibly blue eyes, a bright pink apron tied over his solid waist and broad chest - and this positively gorgeous cashier seems frozen to where he stands as well, motionless, hand wrapped around an empty cup with a marker in the other.

His name tag reads Vash.

Something about him feels like... a summer's night, wrapped up in a blanket while watching the stars. He feels like a familiar hand on the back of his neck, calming him down. He feels like blood on his teeth and his lips and his tongue, and for some unknowable reason, Wolfwood wants to kiss him breathless.

He wants to...

"Bro, what the fuck!" Livio suddenly hisses at his side. "Are you crying? Why are you crying!"

He didn't realize he was, but in the coolness of the coffee shop, he can feel the tear trails streaming down his hot cheeks, and it takes an act of God to blink away the unshed, wavering tears blotting out the golden and pink vision before him.

"Have we..." He swallows hard, thickly, passed a lump in his throat, and ignores Livio altogether. "Have we met before?"

The man tilts his head sideways, and slowly twerks the corners of his mouth into a half smile. It's genuine and soft, sweet, breathtaking, and something about it makes him cry harder. Seeing him smile.

"I don't know," Vash says, and sits the cup onto the countertop, "but, if we have, I'd like to meet you again."

#trigun #trigun stampede #why am i making myself cry at 6 PM on a thursday #vashwood #woodvash #wv #vw #even worse if one of them remembers #probably vash

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lostmf · 1 month

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Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

…

Why did you ..

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haru-chi · 7 months

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(I don't read their manga so all I'm gonna say is purely my theories and assumptions or maybe wishful thinking on my part to suit my taste, so I'd be really grateful if manga readers don't spoil anything for me be it I hit the nail or not)

in this anime the story really starts from Himmel's death and the impact his death left on Frieren more than she actually thought resulting in her being left with deep regret. His death left no impression on me at first tbh. I mean we don't know anything about him enough to care, Heiter's death was more impactful at least to me ...

but then the more I watch the more I realize the core of this story as much as it's Frieren's journey to understand human's emotions so not to repeat the same mistake twice as much as it's about getting to know Himmel's with her so it's gonna be the death that breaks you down later on kind of way.

I thought it was cleaver that we were put in the same boat as her, we actually know nothing about him like her, so through this journey we're also gonna get to know the "real" Himmel with her.

the more she'll learn about human's emotions the more she'll understand alot of things she might've brash it away cuz she either never pay attention or don't get the real meaning of his words/actions like the fact that he actually LOVED her :)

something else that got me thinking is this ..

at the end of his funeral, she was left staring to this ring for a while ... so LISTEN TO ME .. what if this ring here is a gift from him to her ...

what if it was from the time he confesses his love to her or even worse he proposed to her but she either didn't get what he actually meant or declined or something between those lines aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa STOP ME FROM DIGGING DEEPER OMG

so, through this journey she'll learn the true meaning of those words and feelings the more she learns about human's emotions .. and the worse part what if she realized she was in love with him too by the end of the story but never understand her own feelings ????

she said she's gathering new magics cuz he was praising her whenever she learned something new, also the ghost she saw was Himmel's ghost not her teacher as she was expecting so that proves she actually care about him more than she herself realize ><

this gonna be very tragic, yet I wants this to be the core of the story since I'm just weak for those kinds of stories AND I'M ALREADY CRYING EVEN THOUGH I DON'T KNOW IF I'M RIGHT OR NOT YET I GET EMOTIONAL SEEING THEM TOGETHER YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND !!!!

I don't know how and why my mind decided to go wild with those ideas that now I see the anime and its story differently than what I signed up for at first ... WHY AM I IN LOVE WITH A DEAD MAN YET AGAIN !!!!! I THOUGHT I SURIVIVED WHEN HE DEAD BEFORE I DEVOLOP ANY EMOTIONS FOR HIM YET HERE I AM IN THIS HELL BECAUSE OF HIM AND FRIEREN !!!!! T^T

Did I hit the nail ?? did I ?? please say I did so that I can be happy this shaping up to be my kind of tragic story .. but then I don't wanna know or hear any spoilers ... I'm tempted to jump to the manga to see if I'm right or not but I must resist till the anime end at least ><

#sousou no frieren #frieren: beyond journey's end #frieren at the funeral #Himmel #Frieren #the more I think about this the more likely I believe it to be so ...#I don't know if I'm happy or sad beacuse I got myself into a new kind of hell ....#Why am I in love with a dead man again .... I'M CRYING NOOO!!!#my mind is a bit foggy so if I make no sense at all then don't mind my poor english ...#I had the urge to write about them so I did ...#this is me the rising up from my grave to scream about those two ...thank you for understanding

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dogboner · 6 days

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personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"

#guy who's very proud of how well he's handling things rn lol #anyways personal time:#but idk man i kinda remembered smthn from my past n #like. if it wasn't for how much effort i've put into my mental health n coping skills #n my support network now #idk id be in a much worse place.#so i'm gonna forgive myself for not really sleeping last night #n having a hard time with my bpd feelings n emotions #because fuck man! i'm doin really good actually!#growth doesn't have to be oh man i'm never ever sad anymore #it's just. idk i don't cry because i Wanna die anymore #sometimes i have an intrusive thought of suicide #and it makes me cry because i DONT wanna die. and i know those thoughts are not good or needed #but i'm not gonna beat myself up for having them. i'm just gonna be patient n gentle w myself #n give myself time #n everything will be okay(:#bc it is okay! it's in the past and i'm safe now. and i wanna make other people feel safe too #growth starts w baby steps. n that's why it's so hard to recognize in yourself a lot of the time #it goes slooooooowly. for me at least lol.#mine #despite everything i am happy because i know my life now is one i love (: and one im actively trying to better for myself

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livstarlight · 1 year

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In my personal (impossible) dream scenario nashuri evolves like this.

We start with a tentative alliance in which Wakanda and Talokan don’t trust each other at all, they tolerate each other at best, and just because deep down they know that if they want to survive against the rest of the world they have to work together. They are basically each other’s best (if not only) option.

And Namor and Shuri are the prime example of this. She downright despise having to deal with him, but she still does, for the sake of her people, and probably his too, because she is selfless. But of course that doesn’t mean she has to like it and in fact she never misses the chance of reminding him how much she hates this. How much she hates him. [deep down she doesn’t, she’s annoyed, resentful, but she doesn’t fully hate him]

He is a whole other story. He recognizes the benefits of the alliance, he is of course still blissfully impressed by her, taken even, but he doesn’t share her hopeful point of view. He thinks her naïve in some thing, yet still admiring how despite everything that has happened to her, she still manages to see good in the world. But still, he stays, he cooperates, in his own insufferable manner that drives Shuri mad at every chance. Sometimes (more than some) he does it on purpose just to get a raise out of her.

It’s the alliance, the need to join forces that eventually starts bringing them closer in time, and not just them, their people too. It opens both parties to more and more awareness how alike they are, how they are not completely good or bad either, that there is a shade in between. A bridge that can connect them. Namor and Shuri more than anything.

But of course Shuri would rather choke than admit it, would rather set herself on fire than say she doesn’t just understand Namor. She feels for him. He is less blindsided by it, more aware, but you know how it is, honor and responsability for his people keep him from fully giving in to this, besides it doesn’t help she keeps pushing him away every chance she gets. Especially when they seem to make a little progress. What happened between in them the past, the guilt Shuri feels anytime she allows herself to forget even if just for one moment keep them severely apart.

The vibranium disputes happen. They persevere. They win. All the while denying (Shuri), agonizing (Namor) and still subconciously growing closer.

Then Kang happens.

Shuri has to convince him to join forces with the avengers and the rest of the heroes. A lot of talking, of knocking sense into him, has to happen (because yes, this involves Talokan and Wakanda too, all the multiverse is in danger).

Eventually he relents. But just because of Talokan (and because she asked).

Obviously there is a lot at stake. Their push and pull keeps going strong even in the face of the biggest danger staring right at them in the face. War, danger, possible death. She keeps him close, just to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid, yet at safe distance, to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.

Something snaps when they are both full into deep. Conflict is around them, they could die at any moment. And that’s when Shuri realizes that she has lost sight of him. Doesn’t know where he is or if he is alright. That she probably should have said something sooner, and she doesn’t know if she will even be able to because who knows if they are both going to survive this. She should have been smarter, learned from experience. That life is short.

She finds him eventually. They find each other. They both survive. [She still doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t either, but he doesn’t even need to. It has been written all over his face for so long it might has well been there since a particular conversation that involved a tour, a cave and a old bracelet]

It’s the aftermath that helps.

When there is nothing to fight anymore (for now), nothing to hide behind, when everything falls apart. When Shuri lets herself falls apart and accepts it. Him. Because you don’t know how much you have, how important people are to you, how much you love them, until it’s too late. Or you lose them. And truth is she doesn’t wanna lose him.

And the feathered serpent god finally realizes that maybe he has some love for some things on the surface world after all.

#I don't know what this is #why I wrote this #did I just make myself cry?#WHATEVER #I am insane so there is that #namor x shuri #namuri #nashuri #seaprincess #shuri #namor #black panther #wakanda forever #mcu #headcanon #musing

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serenaa · 1 month

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what even is my purpose in life

#girlhood #idk how to tag this #this is what makes us girls #female manipulator #female hysteria #female rage #lana del rey #lana del ray aka lizzy grant #why do i do this to myself #why am i like this #this is a girlblog #this is a cry for help #girlblogging #girl hood #hell is a teenage girl #just girly things #sofia coppola

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brown-little-robin · 4 months

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あ

#Robin processes emotions on main #already I am struggling with studying Japanese #not with the language itself so much. I'm making progress on that #but with this horrible kind of anxiety #I writhe not being the best at things that I'm trying to do. I writhe wondering if I should just give up.#this is why I had a horrible time studying Greek in high school as well: can't know it well enough fast enough #it's like I'm dying a little every day convincing myself no it's FINE not to know everything right away. it's OKAY.#it's okay if you stop learning Japanese in the future and it's okay if you keep learning Japanese. it's okay it's okay it's—#hhhhhhhhhhhh #it's such a complicated language it's making my stomach hurt right now thinking about how I want to learn kanji but it's So Much #and I don't know HOW to learn it #I've never really learned a language before (Greek does NOT count) and I'm learning all the complexities of the Japanese language and going #going oh....... this is........ actually extremely much...... and I'm never going to be a native speaker.......#I'm trying So Hard to embrace dying a little to my perfectionism every day but it's HARD. WAILS #No one Told me learning a language would make me want to cry because it's simply impossible to master!!!!#WAH!!!!#I'm trying to keep sight of the fact that it's not about my pride it's about having fun and embracing Small challenge and Small rewards #I really do feel so happy every time I recognize a word or understand the grammar when watching anime #it's just thinking about the Entire language that's psyching me out #Robin learns Japanese

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l1vyatan · 2 months

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Sebastian is so prertty i want to kiss him so bad...

I want to hold him gently and smooch him...

#hes so cute.... why isnt he real #who am I kidding even if he eas real hed never look at me #im making myself cry again... today's jusy not my day huh

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animalpetcel · 4 months

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Hey! AK EN translated the Arturia manga! I think some of these are the panels that spoke out to me

When she used her magic on her parents, esp the contrast between it. The first encounter with her mother even establishes that Arturia, with a somewhat childlike yet well-meaning understanding of the difficult situation her mother is in emotionally and decides that if her mother can do what makes her happy, that is what is most important, even if it lead to her death.

And for her father, it shows how it could look to an outsider someone who knows what her power is and fears what they would do if no longer held together by their inhibitions and society. It is obviously a terrifying thought and rejecting it is the logical(?) course of action.

Everything unfettered is not always kind and it is not always cruel. It breaks the social contract everyone agrees to follow in order to live but it is not something that I think is a purely evil action because we all know how the social contract can put the same people it exists to help into horrible binds.

Also Executor explains her motivations better then me:

she's like, an emotional hedonist whose somewhat childish beliefs would always lead to chaos bc society would never work if people just said what they felt and did what they liked but she's not pursuing this out of some malice for the world or a desire to see people succumb to chaos or pain, at least imo.

#arknights #idk if this made sense #Arturia is going to become like Ho'olheyak to me #Where I get mad at 90% of the fandom bc I think they're being blind to the reality/more interesting parts of the character #even while being aware that the game actively plays into the surface level interpretations that these people have to make money #why did I have to become obsessed with these girls?#agony and suffering #anyway I'm really excited for ZT and if I get Viviana instead of Virtousa I will cry myself to sleep bc I can't afford to miss Degenbrecher #and I am a f2p who doesn't prioritize limited banners most of the time

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ganondoodle · 3 months

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sorry about that last rambling post, i didnt mean to sound like its worse than it may be, but i got no ... lense to view it through but my own, and the main reason i wrote it out anyway was bc i needed to get it out (even if posting it might be not the greatest idea) .. and bc it kinda showcases, i think, how my stories kinda write themselves, involuntarily in a way? its not like im not putting in any effort- but its like .. i cant STOP it always keeps going and even the dumbest idea stays in some form, its very hard to get everything in place bc theres so much going on all the while i am very slow at making anything, writing or drawing anything, especially anythign coherent is very hard bc not only do i get constantly distracted, i get distracted by my own thoughts suddendly skipping to a certain scene and me having to go throguh imagining in detail NO MATTER how many times i have done it before for the same scene that i already decided on how it goes, when theres a new idea it can take over my entire day bc i cant let go of it-

not trying to sound either like im the only that has that sort of problem, but i think its a big part as of why i start tso many projects without being able to finish them, or even start them bc i constantly have to fight my own thoughts from derailing into another daydream session, thinking of too much too fast than i can ever draw or even write about and not knowing what is worthwhile and what isnt (im telling you i have no idea what is good and what isnt, idk why but for all i know all things i do could be trash, or they all could be bad, maybe the one i thinnk is decent is actually worse than the things i deem not good enough and once i start to think no this isnt good enough i stop having fun making or thinking it bc im trying to do better

honestly its kind of impressive that i can get anything out at all, not to pat myself on the back there but even if i hate how long it takes me, considering how much im having to work just to start working on something at all, the fact that i could post stuff coherent enough for some people to understand AND LIKE is something i should be a little more proud of

#ganondoodles talks #personal #sorry today is a bit of a brain fart day #got a headache and have wasted the entire time until now (5pm) with watching old analysis videos i have watched 5 times already #and crying over undertales music #how much could i get done if i didnt have to deal with thought trains going 200 above speed limit #also didnt mean to sound mean to people who like the things i deem cringy #BC I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKIGN ABOUT 90% OF THE TIME #I DONT KNOW IF ITS GOOD maybe it is #my judgement of my own stuff is pretty random #.... maybe thats why i can work with fanstuff that adheres to lore better #bc it sets limits for me #it gives me options of rails to derail onto without falling straight into the woods #idk if that made sense either #... i need to start drinking more #(and i guess by calling some of my stuff cringe bc i am entirely unsure of its quality im trying to make myself smaller than i am)#(so if it turns out to be actually bad- im more safe from ridicule since LOOK I AM SELF AWARE)#and there i go letting my thoughts spin further #maybe ill delete both of these posts tomorrow when i realize how dumb this is to say in the first place

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prapais · 2 years

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doesn’t it hurt? doesn’t it hurt to feel so much and pretend... not to.

#lakornet #asiandramanet #asianlgbtqdrama #the eclipse #the eclipse the series #akkayan #firstkhao #mygifs #in this essay i will [starts sobbing]#GOD WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF HONESTLY.............JUST. i cant #me coping by making myself cry more? absolutely #idk what to think about this i need a moment #someone said they dont understand that they can be weak TOGETHER yet and ive been thinking about it ever since

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williamrikers · 4 months

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secret crush on you was made by people who hate me specifically in order to permanently damage my psyche. this is a targeted attack

#secret crush on you #*mine #i cannot put into words how much i hate this #also i am going to keep watching because this is like the one big thing heng was in and i am doing this for heng #but every scene with heng makes me angry cry so idk #why am i doing this to myself #i mean. i know why. but like. why am i like this

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