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#which is supposed to represent new beginnings.
luxe-pauvre · 2 days
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Over thirty years of working in Western medicine, I had learned to comply with the increasing need to label everything as if it was an illness, but deep down I believed that this did many patients a disservice. If I had been more truthful with Sienna, I would have said I thought her symptoms indicated a difficulty coping with escalating academic pressures. I would have said they were not an illness, but a sign that the life she had chosen was impacting negatively on her. If she was struggling to achieve her goals, maybe they were the wrong goals. But, in Western society, when things are going badly for a person, medical explanations are often sought because they are found to be more palatable than psychosocial explanations. Western medicine has, in a sense, learned to comply with the needs of the people. Thus, the lines between behaviour and illness, normal and abnormal – even the demarcation between disease and health – have become so blurred that it is possible to give an illness category to almost any person. Once that is done, a person becomes a patient. [...] Dissociation is a normal phenomenon, in which it can be hard to know where normal stops and abnormal begins. That is the same for sleep – we all sleep differently, so, while creating norms within a population is practically possible, it is not as easy to determine exactly the right amount of sleep for each individual. I suppose one could say that abnormality begins the moment a deficiency in either sleep or dissociation leads to significant difficulty functioning in the world. If that is the case, the extreme dissociation Sienna experienced did represent illness and my course of action was the correct one. But that does not allow for the potential effect of labelling a person as ‘ill’. I could have tried harder to avoid a label and frame the discussion in terms of Sienna’s interaction with the world. I chose to offer Sienna a medical classification because that was the only outcome I thought she would accept. In doing so, I accepted the risk of Hacking’s ‘looping’ and ‘classification’ effects and gave her an opportunity to embody a new sick role. That is Western medicine’s culture-bound syndrome – we make sick people. We medicalise difference, even when no objective pathology is available to be found. Sometimes, we are right to do so, but we are also wrong more often than people realise. And while resignation syndrome and Havana syndrome affect small groups of people, when Western medicine introduces new classifications to the world, it does so on a grand scale, without people’s consent, and there is something frightening in that.
Suzanne O’Sullivan, The Sleeping Beauties and Other Stories of Mystery Illness
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kavaleyre · 4 months
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“After 200 years, you can forget how much color there is in the world.”
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atiny-desire · 2 months
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Glitter and Gold
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Pairing: Yandere Dragon! Seonghwa × Reader Summary: You get sent away as a sacrifice to the dragon, but instead of being met by a fire-breathing dragon, you encounter a handsome man who seems too good to be true. Word count: 2.8k Disclaimer: I'm in no way condoning, justifying, encouraging nor promoting this kind of behavior. This is not supposed to represent Seonghwa in any way. Warning: Some kind of soulmate bond, yandere behavior, mention of murder.
A/N: Didn't post in a long time because I had literally zero inspiration, and on top of that Ghost from Call of Duty kind of had me in a chokehold (I wish). Anyway, here's a small oneshot and I hope some of you like it. :)
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You could feel it. The burning jealous stares that followed you as you walked through your village, they wanted to puncture your skin, burn it off with just their stare. It was mainly young women who looked at you like that, their beautiful faces were adorned by angry frowns. Normally it would have made you want to crawl into a hole and never come out again, but now your chest was swelling with pride your head held high as you felt an odd sensation of satisfaction. You were the chosen one, the one who would be sent to the dragon as an offering. A sacrifice, that's what you are, but it's an honor. Your sacrifice would be the reason why your village would be able to live in peace for another year. It was said that only the most dazzling beauties would be chosen worthy enough to be sent away.
And now the time has come, you were the chosen one. Not those girls who looked down on you throughout all of your life. You're not pretty enough, not smart enough, not charming enough, and most certainly not worthy of anything, not even the same air they breathed. That's what they had always told you. For the longest time, you were their personal punching bag, their outlet for all of their frustration and pressure that was laid upon their shoulders. This was over now.
Your departure was quick and almost anticlimactic, but you didn't mind it. You had no interest in getting emotional with people who had tormented you your entire life, although not everyone did it, everyone knew about it, yet no one did anything to intervene.
The first step outside felt like you had achieved true freedom, even if the sentence of being a sacrifice hung heavy over your head. You had thought about running away, but there was nowhere you could go. Your small village was located in a valley, surrounded by huge snow-capped mountains and vast forests which were the homes of dangerous wildlife. Now, a mountain inhabited by a dragon might not necessarily sound like the safer option, however, you had a reason to go there. It was also the reason why everyone was jealous of you.
It was an old tale, no one really knew if it was true, but everyone believed in it nonetheless. It was said that if you were chosen by the dragon as worthy enough to be kept alive, you'd spend the rest of your life living in wealth. That's why you decided to take your chances with the dragon, rather than just accept your certain death.
The euphoric feeling of being free from those damned people that had been tormenting you your whole life, and the determination of wanting to live a better life, kept the fear that wanted to envelop your heart at bay. No matter how much you might fear walking through the dark forest which never seemed to end, or the thought of what lived inside the mountain you were approaching, you would keep walking because you were desperate for a new life.
Your feeling of hope diminished quicker than you would like. After almost four hours of foot walk you stood in front of the beginning of the mountain trail that would lead toward the cave. The muscles in your thighs were burning as well as your feet, you weren't used to walking this long without a break but you had forced your body through this ordeal, you didn't care how much it hurt. Your heart was in your throat and not just from physical activity, but from anxiety too. Understandably, who wouldn't be afraid of the outlook of meeting a fire-breathing dragon?
As soon as you set foot on that trail it felt like an invisible barrier sucked out all of the energy that was left in your body. Your legs suddenly felt like jelly, ready to give up from underneath you at any given second, but once again, you forced yourself through it.
Faster than you'd like you stood in front of the massive cave. Your mouth was opened in awe as you stopped in your tracks. Mountains of gold coins, gems, and glittery jewelry filled the cave as far as you could see. A small path between the huge piles leads deeper into the cave. Carefully you followed the small path, you were tempted to reach for the jewelry, or the gems that glittered in various colors between the gold coins, but you kept your hands to yourself. If there was truly a dragon living in this cave, it certainly wouldn't be very pleased should you touch any of its treasures.
As you walked deeper into the cave, your anxiety rose within you. Every corner was filled with treasures, there was barely any walking space. You started to doubt the dragon's existence, after all, how could it live with such minimal space?
Steps echoed off of the walls from deeper within the cave, steps that weren't your own. You froze in your tracks, straining your ears to pick up on any more sounds that might follow. Your body refused to move, even when you saw the silhouette of a human coming out of the dark. The sunlight from outside provided minimal lighting, but enough to illuminate the man who stepped in front of you.
You held your breath, you knew immediately that he was different from you. Small patches of red scales covered him in some places instead of skin, but eventually, they merged with his normal skin. The man came to a halt shortly in front of you and stared into your eyes. Unnerved by his stare and the serious look on his face you shifted your weight on your legs and inched a little away from him.
His eyes wandered over your face and down your body, his gaze was analyzing and cold until something suddenly shifted in him and his eyes seemingly softened. Even a small smile stretched on his face. "You can breathe, you don't have to hold it just because of me." He almost had a teasing tone as he spoke to you.
You let out the air you were holding in your lungs. It was as if your body was reacting to his smooth voice because your tense muscles relaxed a little as soon as he spoke to you. "You're not a dragon." You blurted out.
You managed to draw a low chuckle and a headshake from him. "Oh trust me, I am." His hand reached out to grab your chin before you could flinch away he had caught your face between his fingers and forced you to properly look at him. "Beautiful." He mumbled while he turned your head from side to side, so he could examine your face from every angle.
"That's a little too much touching for a first meeting, don't you think?" You mumbled quietly and pulled your head back as you became flustered. While you talked you couldn't look away from him, his eyes were mesmerizing. They were golden, almost seemed like they were glowing, and the color in his irises swirled like liquid gold.
He let go of your face, but not without a dissatisfied grumble. "Is it? But you're a sacrifice to me, are you not? You belong to me now."
His brazenness left you speechless for a short moment, but you didn't need to say anything anyway because he took the word again. "Don't worry, I'm just messing with you." He said with a smirk on his lips. However, with how serious he said it, you doubted that he was just messing with you.
"I... what are you?" This question has been burning on your tongue since you first spotted the scales on his body.
"Asking the important questions right from the beginning, hm?" His hand came up to his face to brush away a strand of his black hair that had fallen into his eyes when he leaned closer to inspect your face. "As I said, I'm a dragon. I might not look like one right now, but in my true form I'm indeed a dragon." He motioned down his body and continued, "This human body is just a costume. I learned that it's less intimidating for mortals like you, and honestly, it's way more practical too."
"Do you have a name? How old are you, and how does this whole dragon thing work?" The questions spilled from your mouth like a waterfall once you realized that he wouldn't be a threat, at least for the moment, and your body relaxed.
Another chuckle with his smooth voice reached your ear. "Curious little thing aren't you? You can call me Seonghwa. My age?" He shrugged his shoulders, looked away from you for a second, and fixated his gaze back on you shortly after. "I stopped counting the years, and as for how my nature works, how about we talk about this at a different time? I don't want to overwork your pretty head."
You couldn't help but feel a little offended. He made it seem like you were too stupid to comprehend what he would tell you. "Fine. Where are the other girls that got sent here?"
"Other girls?" He seemed bored just thinking about it, his brows furrowed, he looked like he had to remember what you were talking about. As if there weren't any girls sent to him, every year for multiple centuries. "I killed them." He finally answered.
Your breath got caught in your throat, fear started to claw at your heart once again. So, was this going to be your end? The scaled man in front of you chuckled when he saw the fear in your eyes. "Don't you worry, my precious little gem." Seonghwa's hand reached out again to get a hold of your chin, his thumb brushed over your lips, and his eyes followed his own movement. "You're the one I've been waiting for."
"The one you've been waiting for?" You asked a bit unsure. You didn't know if you had to fear for your life or not.
He nodded. "You're destined to be with me, you, a mere human don't feel it of course." He paused and you almost flinched away when he suddenly put his hand over your chest exactly where your heart was located. "But your heart. It only beats for one purpose, and that is to belong to me. It's beating in a specific rhythm, almost as if it's calling out to me."
You swallowed down your fear, or at least you tried to, and replied to him with a hint of doubt in your voice. "A specific rhythm? Doesn't every heart beat in the same way?"
You could swear that he rolled his eyes a little, but he quickly overplayed it with his charming smile. "You don't get it. As I said, you're just a human." He put his hand under your chin and grabbed you with his thumb and his index finger to tilt your head up. "You're the one I've waited for, everything else is meaningless now. Don't worry your pretty little head about it."
"Stop calling me pretty."
"Why? It's the truth after all." Seonghwa leaned closer, getting into your personal space more than before, to the point you could feel his warm breath fan over your face. You panicked a little when he didn't stop crossing the distance between you two, you were sure he would try to kiss you. You were about to pull away when he did something against your expectations.
Instead of kissing you, he pressed his forehead against yours and his hand came up to cup your cheek, you felt his thumb brush over your skin, gently, almost as gently as a feather, it felt like you were just imagining his touch. "Don't worry," he murmured. His breath smelt like the smoke of a forest fire but somehow it wasn't unpleasant. "I waited so long for you, I can also wait until you're ready to fully be with me." The words he spoke were nothing but a mere whisper. "I can wait," He repeated a bit more firmly to make sure that you heard him properly.
He moved his head away from your face and more to the side so he could whisper in your ear. "I'll wait until I can kiss you until I can explore every inch of your body," Seonghwa took a small break, his eyes glinting with mischievous as he added, "Until you're willing to let me claim you, in every possible way."
Seonghwa gently brushed your hair back before his hand landed on the side of your neck with his thumb caressing your cheek. He brought his face closer to yours again, your eyes widened and you were about to pull back however, he was faster than you again because he stopped shortly before his lips would touch yours. You felt his warm breath on your lips, it distracted you to the point you almost missed the words he whispered to you. "My desire to kiss you is overwhelmingly big."
"Don't-," Seonghwa shushed you before you could protest any further. Another chuckle resonated from deep within his chest. "Don't worry, I won't. I told you, didn't I? I will wait until you want me as much as I want you." He distanced himself a bit from you, a lazy half smile tugged at the right corner of his mouth. "But when that time comes I might make you beg for my touch." It seemed like he wanted to make a joke, but you had a feeling that he was dead serious.
With a sigh, he moved away from you, this time he really left your personal space. Seonghwa held his hand out to you, waiting for you to grab it. "You've asked enough questions for now, don't you think? It's time you see where you will live with me." You were too busy staring at him in awe, so you didn't catch the words he muttered under his breath. "For eternity."
The way he stood, with his posture being flawless, as well as his perfect face and the gentle smile on his lips, you could have thought that he was royalty, if it wasn't for the red scales embedded into his skin. Maybe he was royalty, some kind of dragon royalty if it even exists. You thought to yourself as you took his hand.
Together with you, he started to walk deeper into the darker part of the cave. He seemed to navigate in the darkness just fine, while you were stumbling after him like a newborn foal, with just his hand as your guide. Eventually, a small source of light fell into your eyes, and as you walked closer you realized that the light were torches attached to the cave walls. Seonghwa stopped in front of two ridiculously big oak wood doors. You and to crane your neck to be able to see where they ended.
How would those doors even open? "How-" And again, Seonghwa didn't let you finish your sentence. He let go of your hand walked up to the door, and pushed one of them open with ease. "I might have a human body right now, but I still have the strength of a Dragon. Now come." He nodded toward the inside, silently telling you to go in.
Those huge doors made you a little nervous, inside your head, you were imagining what would happen if the door suddenly closed while you were walking through it. Swiftly you scurried inside and Seonghwa followed with a smile. A loud noise echoed through the room as the door fell closed behind him. You were surprised to see a fully furnished living room. Everything was illuminated by torches attached to the wall, allowing you to see the extravagant furniture.
"You like it?" Seonghwa quietly asked you close to your ear.
You only gave him a small nod as you continued to look around the room. There were more cave tunnels, leading away from the living room probably to more living space, such as a bedroom. "I'm glad. You'll be spending a lot of time here." He was still close to your ear and whispered to you while he stood behind you.
While you looked around your gaze traveled to the, now closed, oak doors. You didn't think about it at the time, but you were trapped now. There was no way you would ever be able to push these doors open on your own. Your breath hitched when Seonghwa suddenly wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you against his body. "A lot of time." He growled into your ear. In this moment you realized that it wasn't just something he said without real meaning. It was a promise and a threat at the same time. However, you realized it too late, you were already in the claws of this dragon and he sure as hell would never be willing to ever let you go again.
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laughing-with-god · 7 months
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Unsaid Vow I
(This is the first 1.7k of the 10k chapter that is available right now on my Patreon. Please join for early access plus beta content!)
Synopsis: You always knew when you weren't wanted. And the way things are going in your marriage with Jungkook, a divorce is looking more and more likely. While he's getting closer to a woman at work that you're certain he's having an affair with, you're planning your escape with your four-year-old son. However, five years of marriage did not expose you to a certain side of your husband. A side of Jungkook that only gets triggered when you try to leave and break apart your perfect 'family'.
Warnings: Yandere behavior, graphic language, violence/murder, women bashing on other women, heavily implied infidelity, bad parenting, absent father, broken family vibes, very slow buildup bc Jungkook doesn't really snap until you leave him so just give him a min lol, inexperienced author writing for a five-year-old.
Also looking for new fic art for this if anyone's interested!!
Read first: Prologue
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“I’m a grown man.”
These were the words that greeted you and effectively pulled you out of your weary slumber.  
You drowsily rubbed your eyes and rolled over, yawning as you took in the sight of your son staring at you bemusedly from beside your bed.  
If you weren’t used to this behavior from Hugo already, you perhaps would've screamed at the sudden creepy sight of a child with a solemn expression saying odd things to you before the sun has even risen.  Yet, you have grown accustomed to the old man your toddler was.  
“Good morning to you too, bud.”  You groaned tiredly, already searching your thick bedding for your phone in order to check the time.  Your alarm hadn’t even gone off yet, which told you it was earlier than you had originally planned to wake up.  But what was the point of having plans when you had a child?  They had a talent for ruining them.  
“I’m five today.”  Hugo ignored your greeting, getting right into the point with furrowed brows as he held up all five fingers, each one representing a year of his life.  
“Yup, I know dumpling.”  You chuckled, finally pulling out your phone and opening it to see  ‘6:03 am” staring back at you.  “Believe it or not, the day you were born was quite memorable for me too.”  
You cringed as you thought of the 20 hour labor that preceded Hugo’s birth.   How could you ever forget that hellish day?  
“Mom, it’s my birthday.”  Hugo told you, tone serious as a heart attack.  
“Yes, happy birthday love.”  You smiled at your son, trying not to let him see the exhaustion you secretly felt.  “I suppose there’s no way I can talk you into going back to bed for another hour or so?”  
“No. You always say ‘the day starts when I first open my eyes in the morning”.  Your son parroted the saying back to you with a proud grin.  
Hugo once went through a phase where he wouldn’t want to leave the bed after waking up, simply wanting to stay in pj’s all day long and watch cartoons amongst his stuffies. 
It took a while to get your little homebody to actually stop this habit and begin getting up to ready himself for the day whenever he woke up.  You used to tell him that the day starts whenever he opens his eyes in the morning, however on days like these where he wakes up super early, he now does not see the point in lying in.  
“Right, that is a good point.”  You softly relented, mentally scolding yourself for yet another parenting tactic backfired.  “How does some breakfast sound?”
“Mom, I have a prop-pre-preposaa-”  
“Proposal?”  You offered, swinging your legs off the side of your bed.  
“Yeah, that.”  Hugo nodded to himself, most likely taking note of the proper pronunciation of the word so he can use it again in conversation.  “I think it’s time we talk about coffee.”
“Coffee?”  
“You and daddy are always saying that coffee is for grownups.  Today I’m five, which means I’m older, which means I should be able to have coffee.”  Hugo reasoned this to you while twiddling his thumbs, a nervous habit he does when he wants you to say yes to something he knows is unrealistic.  
“Mmm...”  You hummed, pretending to think hard about the offer.  “What if I gave you a very light coffee?  A beginner version to get you ready for the real thing when you’re older?”  
Hugo looked conflicted, but after reading your face and correctly assuming that’s the best he was going to get, he nodded solemnly in reluctant agreement.  
With one final huff you shoved yourself off the king sized bed, standing to your full height and throwing your arms up in a stretch.  “Why don’t you wait in the living room for me bud?  I’ll be right out.”  
The freshly turned five year old happily nodded up at you before exiting your bedroom, leaving you alone once again.  
You turned your attention back to the bed in which you just rose out of.  More particularly, you stared at the other side of the bed, the side in which your husband was supposed to sleep on. 
It was a direct opposite of your messy side, crisp and neatly made; the fluffy pillows, pressed sheets and silk duvet being perfectly in place.  Yet, this wasn’t an ode to Jungkook’s neatness and attention to detail.  
No.  
Jungkook hasn’t been sleeping in the same bed as you for a while now.  
Your husband always preferred to rise early, given he was a man who liked to follow a strict morning regime which could easily be thrown off if he slept in even a minute later.  Up at 5:30. teeth brushed and face shaved by 5:40.  Breakfast, coffee and newspaper consumed by 6:00.  
Then right before taking his leave, Jungkook would pack himself a bag of work clothes and make a quick protein shake, given he would then head to the gym where he would get his morning workout and shower from.  Then from the gym, he would head straight to work.  
A few months ago, he suggested sleeping in the guest room.
You had asked why, bewildered at the request.  
Sure, you two didn’t really cuddle anymore. Sex was also rare. But you figured that the least you could do as husband and wife was sleep in the same bed amicably. Had you started kicking him in your sleep or something?
“I’d notice you begin to kinda stir when I first get up and go about my routine.  I don’t want to wake you up or be a bother.”  He had said.  
That didn’t really make sense to you.  
You have always been a deep sleeper. And even if you did wake up for a second, you’d clearly see your husband getting ready for the day, roll over and go back to sleep.  
It was such a lame excuse, you just shrugged and bitterly told him that he hogged the blankets anyway.  
It wasn’t true, but Jungkook didn’t comment.  
You trudged over to the ensuite bathroom and quickly did your morning routine.  
When you came out of your room and into the living space, you saw Hugo glued to the giant flat screen in a trance-like state as he watched his usual morning cartoons.  The sight tugged a small smile out of you, although the mother in you didn’t like how close he was.
“Hugo, back up from the screen! Bluey isn’t going anywhere. Your eyes will go bad.”  Your son wordlessly obliged and scooted back, not breaking eye contact with his favorite family of puppies.  “What would you like for breakfast ‘Mr. grown man’?”  
“Blueberry pancakes…and don’t forget my coffee!”  
“You got it, birthday boy.” 
The kitchen, dining and living room were open concept, so you multi-tasked watching Hugo while whipping up his breakfast.  You never were much of a cook and you still aren’t even after motherhood, but you did commit to learning your son’s favorite dishes.
The process was over quickly, you having made this recipe countless times and knowing it like the back of your hand.  
You set a plate on the island table, calling Hugo over while you secretly mixed some instant hot chocolate in a mug.  
The five year old jumped up and grinned at the meal, saying a quick “thank you” before digging in with all the grace a five year old could possibly have.  
“And of course, your coffee.”  You tried not to smile as you handed him the cup.
“Thanks mama.”  
The mini-Jungkook took a gulp, then stared seriously at the contents of the mug, swishing it around in some faux detective work.  
“Something wrong, dumpling?”
“It tastes…fa-fam-”
“Familiar?”  
“Yes. Is coffee always this sweet?”  
You laughed, now moving to the real coffee maker to make your own cup.  “No, this is the kid version.  It might taste like chocolate because chocolate has caffeine in it too.”  
Your little old man huffed to himself but nodded in agreement, simply not knowing enough to dispute your logic.  
Your old coffeemaker grumbled awake, croaking and hissing as you pressed the worn-out buttons for your usual morning brew.  Jungkook always made fun of you for the ancient machine, but even after he had bought a much more expensive and up-to-date one, you stubbornly remained loyal to yours.  
“So buddy, what do you want to do today?  We can go get new books, hit up the toy store, maybe even visit the aquarium?”  
“I wanna help set up for my party, mommy.” 
Well, “party” wasn’t quite the right word for it.  
Hugo had no friends.  It was tough for a kid like him to make any.  At this age and as a boy, most of his peers would meet and form relationships in little league or rough housing at the local park. 
Your son was different.  He preferred reading to sports, hated the outdoors and was generally a shy kid who tended to tear up when anyone other than his family tried speaking to him.  
So this year, his birthday party was an intimate circle of family and family friends.  You hoped that by next year you could host an actual kid birthday party, as Hugo would be in school and have classmates by then. 
“That’s very sweet of you, but there’s time to do both.”  The boy looked at you skeptically.  “We can go to the bookstore across the street after breakfast and I’ll let you pick out some new bedtime stories.  Then we can go to the aquarium and have lunch there. And on our way home I’ll stop by the store to get some stuff for the party, and you can get a toy.  Sounds good?”  
Hugo frowned, then peeled back his pajama sleeve to look at his submarine-themed watch.  The act seemed a little pretentious to you, given he didn’t yet know how to read clocks.  
“Fine mommy, but we should be quick.  Also you need to ask our guests if they have any food aler-alergeez-”
“Allergies?  Yes bud, I’ll be sure to send them a text.”  You rolled your eyes.
With that, Hugo quietly finished his breakfast as you sipped your coffee.  
When you two were done, you both got dressed and ready for the day’s activities. 
Before leaving the apartment, you were sure to send a text to your husband.  
‘Be home by 6 please.  Hugo’s birthday party starts at 6:30 and he needs you there.’
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fuckyeahgoodomens · 3 months
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David Tennant at This Morning show with Alison Hammond and Dermot O’Leary talking about Good Omens Season 2, 11.07.2023 :) ❤
DO: And David joins us now. I mean, this looks like a great show.
David: Oh, yeah.
DO: So, I mean, It's pure Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, isn't it?
David: It is, yeah.
DO: The whole thing. So tell us, so if people haven't seen the first series and they want to go back, set the whole scene.
David: So I'm Hell's representative on Earth, Michael Sheen is Heaven's representative on Earth, put there to do the biding of our respective Head Offices. But we found out that if we became mates and sort of helped each other out, it kind of cut out the workload, cancelled each other out. So we're best mates. But in Series One we end up having to avert the apocalypse, which we managed to do, but as a result of that, we get cut off. So we're now living on Earth as independent individuals.
AH: So do you still need each other, then?
David: We still need each other. We've only got each other now because we don't have Heaven and Hell anymore.
DO: Because you both love earth so much, you both like.
David: Oh, we much prefer living on Earth because Heaven's a bit stuffy and Hell's awful.
DO: So you conspire to thwart the Armageddon. Exactly.
David: We thwart the Armageddon. That's fine. But Series Two begins when the angel Gabriel, Jon Hamm, who you just saw there, shows up at Aziraphale, Michael Sheen's bookshop, naked with no memory, holding a cardboard box. So suddenly we're locked into the politics of Heaven and Hell again. We don't know what's going on. We've got a mystery to solve. Why is the angel Gabriel here? The angel Gabriel tried to kill us both at the end of the last series, so we've got to...
DO: But now he's kind of got amnesia and...
David: Yes. So he becomes like our weird child, in this sort of weird sort of eternal marriage that Michael and I are locked in.
DO: So many shows now use a book as their base and then they do really well and you can see the company and the writers go, better come up some new ideas, I suppose. So the book's obviously Terry Pratchett and then Neil Gaiman, correct?
David: That's right. They wrote that together years and years and years ago. Much beloved. And that's what the first series was. But Neil and Terry had always talked about possibilities of this sequel that they never got around to making. Terry's no longer with us. But when the possibility came up, Neil thought, well, listen, I've got some ideas. Let's spin it forward. Let's see if we can tell the story we were always going to tell. So we get to come back.
AH: Should we have a little sneak look at the new series? Let's have a look. So good. Did you ever think it was going to be this successful? Did you even know that you were going to go into a second series
David: Oh, no, not at all. No. There was only one novel, so we just thought we were coming together to do that. And I didn't realise how beloved this book was. I first read a script. But it means a lot to a lot of people.
AH: And the look of you is so striking. Did you have any input into that? A bit, yeah, we sort of all found it together, myself and makeup and costume and Neil Gaiman, who ran the show. So, yeah, we kind of arrived... in the book he's a bit more - because obviously the book was sort of early ninetues, so he was a bit more sharp-suited and a bit more Wolf of Wall Street. So we've kind of had to find the kind of modern equivalent of that.
DO: Is he... obviously you're playing a demon. Has he got any humanity in him or is he purely self-centered?
David: Well, he's not a very good demon. He's good at sort of the snarl and the swagger and pretending that he's terribly cynical, but actually his problem is that he's a bit too...  there’s a bit too much heart, really.
DO: He's alright
David: Yeah, yeah.
DO: Must be wonderful playing a baddie.
David: Oh, it's great fun, but he's not a baddie, is not really a baddie.
DO: Yeah, yeah.
David: And just like Aziraphale angel is not always as goody goody as he likes it, so they meet very beautifully in the middle.
DO: You and Michael Sheen. I mean, you've worked together a fair bit, don't you. I loved Staged. That was such fun.
David: Yeah!
AH: Have you ever not worked together?
David: Now we only work together.
AH: All the time.
David: Yeah. I mean, He's not sitting on this sofa, but he is backstage. We can't be apart.
DO: He's speaking in his ear right now.
David: Exactly, yeah.
AH: But you are... you have got a genuine friendship. You're growing old together gracefully.
David: We're growing old together?!
AH: You look good for it, I'm not going to lie. What's the secret, babe?
David: A lot of makeup. It's very thick.
AH: We've got to talk about the fact that you are returning to Doctor Who.
David: Ah, yes.
AH: I can't believe this. And can you tell us anything at all?
David: I mean, beyond that I'm doing it? I think...
AH: No.
David: Really. Because that's the fun of it, isn't it? Hopefully tt was a bit of a surprise when I showed up. When Jodie Whittaker regenerated into me.
AH: We were shocked.
David: It was a bit of a surprise, so we wanted to sort of keep some shocks, but Catherine Tate's back, so it's a bit like 15 years never happened, to be honest.
DO: Know about it for a while. Like... did Russell T get in touch and say...
David: Yeah, it sort of gradually kind of evolved as an idea and we thought maybe they'd let us do a one off for old time's sake. And then suddenly it became a bit more than that and we were back for a bit of a run.
AH: So how many episodes did you get to do?
David: We did three.
AH: Wow. That's incredible. What's it like to be back? Did he just slot straight back in?
David: I mean, sort of. It felt weirdly familiar. Yeah. And you think, 'Oh, will I still able to run as fast? Can I still kind of...?' But it was like we'd never been away. It was joyous. Yeah.
DO: And could we talk about your son? Because is your son in Good Omens with you?
David: Ty's in... has a part in Episode Two of Good Omens.
AH: Is he?
DO: And I loved him in House of the Dragon.
David: I know. He's very good. He's very good.
DO: What a relief.
David: There he is. I know, what a relief. Exactly. No, I mean...
AH: Imagine if he was bad.
David: Imagine if he was rubbish. How would we tell him? Sit down, listen...I know it's sort of the family business, but maybe joinery? So... no, he's really good. And he's annoyingly good looking. You know, he's just got it all. So it's lovely and great to get to work together. Brilliant.
462 notes · View notes
little-miss-vader · 11 months
Text
Ask Nicely
Pairing: Hayden Christensen x Actress!Reader
Summary: You landed a role in a Star Wars film and your co-star is none other than Hayden Christensen.
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A/N: IM SORRY IVE BEEN GONE. I have had this one in my notes for a month and I finally decided to post it. Enjoy <3 i missed y’all
Warnings: Age gap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE A BIG AGE GAP!!!!!! Oral, fingering, edging.
Word count: 4.5K
You were late. Again. The alarms you set had no effect on your will to get out of bed. Your entire body hurt from training for hours the day prior. It was intensive and hard on you. They had purposefully given you a heavier prop lightsaber to train with because you weren’t very strong to begin with and the crew wanted the real prop to look like it was a feather in your hands. Hayden, of course, breezed through it. Meanwhile, you had to take a break every hour to catch your breath and keep from throwing up.
You knew you had to get up now or you’d be in a fair bit of hot water but you couldn’t move. A soft knock was heard at your door and you groaned as you reached over to push your fingers against the screen of your phone with your eyes closed until you finally hit the “stop” button for your alarm. “Come in.” You yelled, hoping the person on the other side would hear you. A small click was heard as the door unlatched and the hinges made a squeaky sound that made you want to kill somebody.
“You’re not up yet?” Hayden’s voice rang through your ears and your eyes snapped open. You pulled the blanket over you subconsciously as you sat up wearing the sports bra and shorts you had trained in, you’d been too tired to even wash your face after yesterday and opted to just deal with changing and showering in the morning.
“I was so tired.” You said as he stood at the door. “You can come in. Or not, I mean you’ll be late if you don’t go now.” You stuttered as he crossed his arms and leaned his shoulder against the doorway, his leg across the other. Your eyes were glued to him, he was wearing baggy black pants and a white t-shirt that hugged his chest in the most drool-worthy way. His blue hat, which he very proudly represented his home country with, sat on his head and you loved it.
“That’s normal. They’re not expecting you to be perfect, Y/N. Take your time.” He shrugged. “Besides if I go now I’m just gonna be waiting around for you to get there and we’re supposed to train together. I’m already late, can’t be late twice.” He laughed softly. He was older than you by a fair amount of years. Hell, you hadn’t even learned to walk properly by the time he played his role as Anakin for the first time, yet he always treated you as an equal. You watched him for a moment before sliding your legs over the edge of the bed. With a slight wince you let your feet touch the ground. You felt him watch you and you scrambled to find something to say.
“Well I appreciate the gesture.” You said, keeping your cool, as you walked toward the washroom after grabbing new clothes from your suitcase that you hadn’t bothered to unpack. “Take a seat or something, I’ll be ready in ten minutes.” You called over your shoulder and you heard him walk in as the door closed behind him. He sat down on the small couch in your trailer and you got ready as quick as possible.
You threw your old clothes in the hamper as you emerged from the bathroom with a fresh set of the same clothes you had on before. “Time to go?” You smiled as you bumped your hip against his shoulder. Hayden looked up from his phone at you and nodded his head with an “mhm” and you smiled. “Come on then lazy bones.” You continued as you opened the door. Hayden rolled his eyes at your ironic remark and stood up from the couch.
“I’ve been up for three hours and I’m the lazy bones?” He questioned as he followed behind you, his hand pressed against the door and held it open as you walked out and he closed it behind the two of you. You laughed in response to his words. You looked over at him and your smiled dropped a bit. He was quiet, staring at his phone while the two of you walked. You fought the urge to peer over at his screen but decided against it.
“What’re you so quiet for, grandpa?” You asked with a small smile, the nicknames you’d given him had almost everything to do with his age and he’d stopped trying to give you shit for it.
“The mother of my daughter refuses to let me have her this weekend. Says I’ll be too busy to watch her.” He mumbled as he typed away on his phone. Your eyebrows furrowed.
“But you have the weekend off, and I always help watch her when you can’t. You have a whole crew of people here who’d do the same as well.” You started and he shook his head.
“It’s not really about that. She just likes making things specifically difficult.” He said as he put his phone away. “I’m not gonna worry about it. I have two days before the weekend to talk to her.” He said before looking down at you. The relationship you both had as coworkers was normal to you. Being friends with the guy you spent almost every day with seemed inevitable. When you’d arrived to begin working on the movie you were alone, your family was in another state and this was your first real job. Hayden kept an eye out for you, made sure you were safe. He drove you around everywhere and bought you food and whatever else you needed for the first month until you got paid. He still did those things now, but less so now.
There was speculations. Made by the media, fans, everybody really. You guys were often together. Pictures of you both walking with overpriced smoothies you had made him buy, the two of you sitting in the same car when he drove you to get your mail, going on a walk with his daughter when she came to visit him on set. Photos of you doing normal things were plastered all over the internet and seen as scandals. Some people said it was almost unprofessional to hang out with each other but you guys did the interviews and answered the questions. ‘He’s like my set-dad. I bother him more than anything. He’s taken great care to make sure I’m always okay. I came here with virtually nothing but a contract for the film.’ You recalled yourself saying with a laugh during an interview. ‘I see her like a younger version of me. When I was her age, I was kinda scared to be in LA alone. I chose to be a safe space for her. For me, being a dad, that was easy enough. Though, I guess from the outside looking in… It’d hard to understand because there was no context before but that’s why we’re here and answering this question now, right?’ He had said in response to your answer. You had found it hard to lie through your teeth about how you felt all the time. You had always admired him, he was your favourite Star Wars character and pretending he wasn’t the first crush you’d ever had was damn near impossible, but you did it with a bright smile and truthful eyes. Being an actor came to its advantages.
“Just let her do what she needs to.” You shrugged as you walked. There was no point in fighting these things, his daughter would see who she sided with when she was old enough to understand and think for herself. Hayden had commended you for having that outlook on the situation when you first said it to him.
“We have a table read after we train, 6 o’clock.” He spoke as he held the door into the large building open for you. The floors were lined with blue pads stuck together with velcro. You stepped in and immediately sighed when you saw a bunch of raised platforms. Today was the day you were to learn how to backflip with a saber in your hands. You said you wanted to do your own stunts but you didn’t know it would be this intense. You were just glad you would be attached to wires.
“If I live through this session I’ll see you there.” You grumbled. Hayden laughed as he went to the prop station to grab his own stuff as well as yours and brought it over to you. You mumbled a quick “Thanks.” with a smile and your hands grazed across each other as he handed your stuff to you. A blush boiled your cheeks to become a bright red colour and he didn’t even seem to notice what he’d done. You turned your back immediately and walked over to your trainer for instruction on where to start.
You both started off with the simple stuff, blocking one another and doing the small amount of choreography you had learned. Hayden was a fairly large man so doing this even when he was using a quarter of his strength made you grunt every time you had to block him. Sometimes it felt like he was giving you a harder time than what was necessary just to hear you make some noise. You pushed that thought to the back of your mind and continued on with your session.
— 3 Hours Later —
“Alright that’s all for today.” The young woman who was in charge of making you look way cooler than you were on screen yelled out and everybody stopped what they were doing. You let out a deep, content sigh as you let go of your prop saber and dropped to your butt on the padded floor beneath you. Your hair was stuck to your face as you opened your water bottle and practically drank it in one sip. You were too distracted by how thirsty you were to notice Hayden sitting next to you.
“Feeling okay?” He smiled. You rolled your eyes as you kept drinking your water and when you finished you crushed the plastic into a smaller vessel and threw it into the trash can beside you. “Nice shot.” He regarded quickly.
“Yeah. I’m okay. Just need to shower before the read.” You said and a groan escaped your lips as you pushed yourself off the ground. He immediately stood up and stood next to you. “Oh we’re walking together?”
“I mean..” He spoke and looked away for the smallest moment. “We always kinda do, don’t we?” He shrugged and you fought back a smile. Instead you gave him a nod.
“You’re right, we do.” You responded as the two of you made your way back to the trailers. His was farther than yours but he never made you walk him over, he always stopped at your trailer to drop you off before moving on to his own. You reached your hand into your bag and pulled out a small white and red pack of smokes and a matching red lighter. You slapped the top end against your palm gently as the two of you neared the fork in your journey’s.
“That’s why you can’t train without feeling like you’re dying, you know.” He mumbled as you pulled a cigarette out of the pack using your lip. You raised an eyebrow at him as you raised the lighter to the small stick.
“Acting like you’ve never smoked before again?” You mumbled as you struggled with your lighter in the wind. He stopped and turned to face you, raising his hands to create a barrier around your lighter and you sparked it with ease. “Thanks.” You inhaled deeply.
“You’re right I have smoked before but the difference herein lies in the fact that I actually was able to quit for my own well being.” He preached as per usual and you rolled your eyes.
“I’ll get to it one day. Just like you.” You gave him a fake smile and now it was his turn to roll his eyes. He clenched his jaw for a moment and your eyes watched the small muscle in his jaw move as he did so. He was so handsome it almost made you angry.
“I’m only trying to help, but you’re right. It never helped me when people urged me to quit. I just see so much of myself in you.” He shrugged and you almost choked on the smoke in your lungs. He sees himself in me? Damn, so do I. You thought.
“Alright, fine.” You pressed what was left against the sole of your shoe to extinguish the cigarette and threw it aside with a smile. “I shouldn’t be smoking around you anyways. I’m sure you miss it.” You shoved your hands in the pockets of the zip up hoodie you had brought with you as you approached your trailer.
“Oh, it’s not a big deal. The smell is good enough for me.” He pushed the door of your trailer open and gestured his hand in a way that said ‘after you’. You gave him a quizzical look for a moment before entering and he followed you. The door clicked shut behind you and he locked it, a gesture that made you feel a bit confused.
“You’re coming in?” You asked and he sat down on your couch again.
“The read isn’t for a few hours. Besides, my shower is only giving me cold water so I thought I’d use yours when you’re done.” He said and you stopped in your tracks. This was news to you. You didn’t question it. You sat down next to him and laid your head on his shoulder as you often did. You kicked off your shoes and raised your legs so that your knees rested on his legs that were propped up on the coffee table in front of the couch. “You smell like smoke and sweat.” He said with a fake grimace.
“Oh like you smell any better.” You rolled your eyes. “I’m too tired to deal with you right now.” You mumbled as your eyes began to feel heavy. A nap wouldn’t hurt anybody. A shower right after would wake you up and you’d be all set to go. It was a perfect plan. Turns out, he had a plan of his own.
Your eyes snapped open when you felt his finger slide under your chin, his thumb cradling it in place. He lifted your face from his shoulder and raised to to be level with his own. “Too tired to deal with me?” He whispered and you felt a shiver run down your spine. “Well.. I guess I could leave you be.” He began to pull his hand away but in a trance, your own hand snapped up to grab his wrist in an attempt to keep him from moving. You shook your head. You didn’t know what was happening but you would be insane to let him walk away. He smiled at you, his blue eyes shining brightly as the two of you stared into each others faces. You didn’t dare say a word, you barely even breathed. “What do you want right now?” He asked and you gulped.
“I-I don’t know..” You started and he moved his tongue gently to make a ‘tsk’ sound.
“I think you do.” He rebutted quickly and your cheeks began to burn again. “I watch you, I see how you act around boys your age. You act like they don’t exist. You have a whole coworker on this movie who’s head over heels for you, he’s your exact age and you don’t even look at him. Me though, what makes me so special? What makes you want to spend every moment with me?” He went on and his words made you feel like thousands of electric needles were being stabbed into your body. “Use your words for me.”
You swallowed but it felt impossible due to how dry your mouth had gotten all of a sudden. Your eyes were wide and you were sure you looked like a deer in the headlights. Your mouth opened and closed for a moment as you collected your thoughts. “I just.. I get along with you. I just.. I wanna be… I like..” You stuttered and pursed your lips with a sigh when you realized you couldn’t use your words. You squeezed your eyes shut and you heard him chuckle. His breath hit your face gently enough to make you let out a small desperate moan, so quiet you yourself could barely hear it.
“I think you want me kiss you, hold you close..” He started and your breath hitched in your throat and your eyes snapped back open. “Touch you..” His free hand trailed down your back as he turned his body to face yours. You shivered under his touch and his lips curled into a gentle smile. “I’d do it you know, only if you wanted me to.” His hand rested on the small of your back and his other hand still held your chin, his thumb made small windshield wiper movements on your cheek now and you leaned into it.
“I do.” You managed to spit the words out as you watched his eyes flicker from your lips to your eyes.
“You do what?” He urged, keeping eye contact now.
“I want you to kiss me.. Touch me..” Your voice dripped in a quiet desperation and he smirked once again.
“I mean if you say so..” He whispered and your hands grabbed the back of his head to pull him into you. Your lips connected and warmth spread through your body. A small grunt came from his end at the impact and it made you breathe heavier against him. His hands pulled you into his lap and you swung your leg over him as you sat on him. His hands gripped your hips, harshly holding you down against him. You tried to move so you could feel some sort of release but his grip was too strong. The idea made you whimper against him and his hands tightened as he pushed his chest farther into yours. You did the same, wanting to be as close as humanly possible. Your hands slid into his hair and his hat fell off his head behind your couch.
He broke he kiss to look at you, your chest heaved up and down as his gaze dropped between your bodies. “This couldn’t have come sooner..” Hayden mumbled as he let go of his grip on your hips to run his hands gently up and down your exposed thighs, squeezing gently when he’d get to the top. “Watching you run around in this, getting all hot and sweaty. It did something to me that I wasn’t proud of..” He whispered as he stared into your dilated eyes.
His hands roamed your body and stopped at the bottom band of your sports bra. His fingers lightly traced the under side of your tits and you jerked toward him. You pulled it off slowly and tugged on his shirt, pulling it over his head. His eyes were glued to your chest as he began to fondle gently at you. Your head leaned back slightly as you felt how warm his hands were against you. Your breathing was shaky and he pulled your head forward to look at him again, he was in such good shape and your hands desperately ran up and down his chest before trailing down to his abs. You stopped at the waistband of his pants and ran your thumbs over his v-line. You watched his face as small reactions washed over him at your every touch. He bit on his lip gently as you tugged at his pants ever so gently. You could feel something harden under you and your lips curled into a small smile. You pushed your hips down gently in a rocking motion and a soft noise stumbled its way through Haydens soft lips. With a triumphant smile you pulled his pants down and he kicked them away. He pulled you on to the couch and climbed over you with a smirk.
“I like it better this way.” He mumbled as he pressed his lips against the sensitive skin by your collarbones causing you to take a sharp breath and he chuckled. “Relax. Let me take care of you like I always have..” The words made goosebumps raise over every inch of your body and you let out a shaky exhale. His hands pressed into your waist and you were sure they’d leave some sort of mark. His movements were so rough yet so gentle and it caused your head to spin. Your hand reached between his legs and he grabbed it, putting it back where it was before. “I just wanna make you feel good… Don’t worry about me.” Hayden whispered against you as he kissed his way down your body, stopping to take extra long in the spots that made you squirm more. When he pulled at your shorts his eyes widened at the fact that you weren’t wearing any underwear.
“It’s just uncomfortable during training-“ He shushed you and shook his head with a grin.
“It’s hot is what it is.” He mused as he pulled them off and threw them aside. His fingers traced up your legs and another soft, desperate moan left your lips as he continued to kiss down your stomach. “Do you know how many times we’ve stood back to back or close enough to touch and you’re telling me the only thing keeping me from you was your shorts?” You bit your lip as his deep voice sent vibrations through the skin he was kissing away at.
“I guess so.” You smiled with shaky breaths. You yelped when you felt something warm press against you, long and slender. His finger pressed hard against your entire pussy and he could feel your pulse through the touch. You shook at the sudden feeling and your hand cupped your mouth. The trailers were well insulated but they weren’t sound proof and you knew that.
Hayden hushed you as he pulled his finger down to slide in between your folds, collecting the large amount of excitement you’d already created. A smile tugged at his lips before he pressed them against your swollen clit. He created a gentle suction as he pushed a finger inside of you causing your eyes to roll back. You pressed your head against the arm of the couch and your hand that wasn’t covering your mouth grasped at his shoulder as he pumped in and out of you. It wasn’t long before he added another finger and began to use his tongue against you. The soft flicking motion mixed in with the feeling of his long fingers made you bite your palm. The noise still came out of you and even though it was muffled it made him want to make you do it again. His movements quickened when he felt you get used to the sensations he was providing for you and it caused you to moan out again, this time it was his name. He hummed in approval against you and the action felt like a small vibration. You arched your back at the feeling and he pushed you back down, keeping a specific level of pressure on your lower stomach.
“Tell me when you’re close.. Ask me for permission.” He said and your eyes widened. You’d never done that before but you decided to give it a shot. It’s almost like him saying that made the process expedite itself. You felt a warmth begin to build in your stomach and you finally mustered up the strength to speak.
“Can I-“ You started and he stopped everything he was doing. Your eyes nearly bulged out of your head as your chest heaved and you sat up with the look of confusion on your face. “What the hell?!” You asked and he smiled. He pulled you by the legs so that you were laying down again.
“Not until I say so. I promise it’ll feel better.” He whispered, leaving kisses on your inner thighs. When he felt you begin to bring your breath back to normal he slid his fingers back into you. “Wetter than before… So eager.” He hummed as he began placing soft kisses on your clit. “Don’t forget to ask again okay?”
You nodded, his words and actions placed you under a trance of sorts. You’d do whatever he asked right now. “Okay..” You whispered and this time he didn’t use his mouth. He used just the two fingers inside of you, curling them, going faster, slower. All of it felt so much more intense than it ever had before. You’d been fingered but you’d never been pushed to an orgasm with just penetration. Your breathing began to become erratic again as small moans and gasps left your mouth. “Please… Please I’m so close.,” You whimpered and he stopped again. Tears welled near the corners of your eyes as you looked at him. You must have looked pathetic.
“Look at you, begging for me to let you cum. How adorable. You’re a mess.” He whispered, almost reading your mind, as he reached his hand up to your mouth. “Open.” He demanded and you parted your lips so he could slide his soaked fingers into your mouth. You moaned as you sucked yourself off him and he smiled. “Good girl.”
“Please..” You whispered as he pulled his fingers from your mouth and he shushed you again before placing them back inside of you. You squeezed your eyes at the feeling and squirmed when he began licking frantically at your clit while pushing your legs apart with his hands. Your entire body began to shake as you felt the familiar feeling come back like a bullet train. “Please.. Please can I?” You whimpered, begging him to let you feel the satisfaction of release.
“Yes.” He spoke against you and you couldn’t help the sounds from barreling out of you as your entire body shook. You saw dots in your vision as you felt warmth spread to every inch of your body and your hands gripped at his hair like your life depended on it. Your hips bucked around against him, completely out of your control. He slowed his tongue as you rode his face until you felt satisfied. When you finally stopped, you laid your head down with your eyes squeezed shut and your chest heaving. He climbed over you and left a kiss on your head. “You okay?” He asked as he sat next to your body on the edge of the couch, his hand rubbed soft circles on your stomach and you nodded your head.
“More than okay… I wanna do that forever.” You laughed as you finally figured out how to speak again. Hayden smiled.
“Well. We haven’t even started filming yet. We’ve got lots of time.” He said with a wink as he pushed his boxers down his legs and walked over to your bathroom. “You coming?” He called over his shoulder and you stood on your jelly legs to follow him with no question.
2K notes · View notes
wildflowerluver · 1 year
Text
petals of a flower
emily prentiss x fem!reader
5 times the team suspects emily has a girlfriend and the 1 time it gets confirmed
cw: fem!reader, she/her pronouns, reader is referred to as girlfriend, homophobia, case details involving homosexual couples, slight injuries
wc: 3.4k
༺♡༻
emily prentiss is a mystery when she first joins the team.
garcia digs up the standard: parents, place of birth, etc. but the team doesn’t really know her.
they learn a lot about her as she settles into her position over the months. her high school emo phase had been a highlight. 
but there was one part of emily’s life the team still didn’t know about. 
her sexuality.
it’s not that emily’s ashamed, not in the slightest. she’s just nervous about the response. the bau team is her family and she doesn’t want to lose that. 
any girls night or dinner with the team where partners get brought up, emily does everything in her power to change the topic. she’s simply not ready. she’s not ready to tell them about you. 
you’re emily’s favorite person. the best girlfriend she could ask for. 
she just isn’t ready for her two worlds to collide.
1. flowers
a bouquet of flowers sits on emily’s desk when the agent arrives for work. they’re white lilies, wrapped delicately in brown paper and secured with a thin piece of string. a card is tucked in the top.
“uh oh,” derek muses from his own space. “someone has a secret admirer!”
not secret to her. they’re the ones who don’t know about the sender.
emily stands in front of the bouquet, hiding the card under a folder on her desk. if anyone saw the note, they would demand for her to read it outloud. 
“you know white lilies in particular are a popular funeral flower,” spencer jumps in with a fact.
“come on, pretty boy. it’s a romantic gesture. no need to drag down the mood.”
“actually morgan they’re used in weddings too. mainly christian ones but still they’re-”
“reid!”
the sound of derek and spencer’s arguing is drowned out as emily brought the flowers up to her nose. 
soft and sweet. 
she didn’t even need to read the card to know who they were from. 
you had first pointed out white lilies when on your first date with emily. 
it was when you were walking downtown after dinner. vendors had set up outside in the shopping district including one of the floral shops.
emily had stopped you in front of the bins of flowers. “which ones are your favorite?”
you didn’t have to think for very long. “white lilies,” you answered honestly. “they represent rebirth and purity.”
she hummed a noise of content beside you.
you reached into your bag to pull out your wallet, quickly grabbing the right amount of cash and handing it to the florist who sat outside. 
“to new beginnings,” you beamed, offering the pre-wrapped flowers to emily. her cheeks turned a rosy pink, a stark contrast to the white petals. 
she kissed you for the first time that night. 
ever since then, white lilies have become your mutual flower. 
“any idea who they’re from?”
that’s j.j. who asks after walking over to her with a stack of papers. 
“no idea.”
emily hides her smile in the petals. 
2. minimal loss
there’s a small group waiting in the quantico parking lot.
it’s late. the lights only illuminate a small section of the space. 
you’ve never picked up emily from work after cases. you hadn’t even been near quantico before today. but, this case was different.
emily let you know in advance she was going undercover. it wasn’t supposed to be for long, just enough time for her and her coworker reid to investigate an underground cult in colorado. 
it was hard to avoid the details of the case when every news station in the country was reporting on it.
you were cleaning around your apartment and had the news on as background, mostly to just hear the weather report. it had switched to live footage from colorado. your stomach dropped when you remembered that’s where emily was. 
“this is a special report from la plata county, colorado.
we're reminded of jim mckay's words from munich– our greatest hopes and our worst fears are seldom realized.
let's hope it's not the latter as we wait to hear the fate of the women, children, and f.b.i.agents inside the building.”
an explosion.
you covered your mouth, stomach churning at the site. emily was inside. oh my god, emily.
you sent a long string of texts; hoping, begging, praying that she was alive. 
when your fun buzzes hours later, you race to see what the message is. it’s from emily. she was okay, a little shaken up but okay. 
tears well in your eyes. you knew her job was dangerous but this was the closest you had ever gotten to losing her. you offered to pick her up when she landed and she agreed without hesitation. 
there were a few other cars in the lot when you arrived.
they had parked relatively close to each other. you stayed a ways away. you didn’t know these people and without talking to emily, you didn’t want to introduce yourself. 
they looked familiar but you didn’t quite recognize them. there was a blonde woman and a young boy, another blonde woman with bright accessories, and then a man. who on emily’s team had a kid?
you sat on top of the hood of your car, picking at the skin around your nails as you waited. 
it didn’t take long, nor was it difficult to spot the team when they arrived; two black suv’s pulled in one after the other. 
you slid down the hood to stand up straight. you need to see her, make sure she was okay.
the team offloaded at once, each member getting out of the vehicle and distributing their luggage. 
all eyes went to emily as she stumbled out of the car and hastily grabbed her bags. she had gotten hurt on this case, it was no secret everyone wanted to check up on her. she didn’t say anything before she headed in the direction of the car that was parked slightly away from the rest.
they couldn’t exactly make out the features of the person standing beside it but the way emily walked told them they were someone important. 
you surged towards her when she was close enough, taking her face in your hands.
“oh em,” you breathed out, voice wavering with tears.
“i’m okay,” she promised, thumb wiping away the tears that fell.
emily pulled you into her, hand cradling your head as you cried. she knew this was a lot more scary for you than it was for her. 
though the team had dispersed to greet their respected family members, no one failed to see the scene unfolding in the distance.
you hugged each other like you would never be able to again. 
they all knew that emotion like that wasn’t platonic. 
3. ring
a long weekend typically warrants news from some bau member.
whether it’s about a goal jack scored in soccer or a new house derek had renovated, people always seemed to have something going on.
emily sat at her desk and she scribbled away at files. one hand gripped the pen while the other sat on her knee. she twisted a band that sat on her left ring finger. it wasn’t an engagement ring but she liked wearing it on the one finger that connected to her heart. 
atop the small gold band sat a gemstone, the one to match the month of your birth.
you had gotten the ring when on a trip. a shop you visited had sold them and you picked out one as a gift. as cliche as it was, you thought of it as a promise ring. 
despite emily not being a huge jewelry person, she wore it every day. 
the bullpen was a comfortable quiet. other members of the team sat at either their desks or in their office and worked away. the silence made it easy to focus. 
a sharp gasp sounded behind her.
penelope had entered the bullpen, presumably to say hi under the false assumption she needed another cup of coffee. both of her hands had covered her mouth, effectively covering her shocked expression. “what is that!”
emily quirked her eyebrow at what the tech analyst was talking about. she was just at her same old desk doing the same old paperwork. she finally saw penelope’s line of vision and followed it down to her hand. 
oh. it did kinda look like an engagement ring. 
it wouldn’t be the most surprising thing in the world for someone to come back engaged after a long weekend, even if no one had been aware of their relationship. 
emily barely had any time to answer before derek was circling his desk to find the source of the commotion.
“what’s all the yelling for?”
“emily has a ring. she has a ring, derek!”
derek’s eyes too fell on her hand. “woah princess! you’re getting hitched and didn’t tell us?”
“who’s getting married?”
the entire team, minus hotch and rossi who remained behind closed doors, had circled emily. 
“you didn’t tell us you were dating someone!”
emily held her hands up to silence the group. “guys, guys. it’s not an engagement ring.”
a collective sigh echoed.
“it’s just a ring with my birthstone in it. my parents got it for me when i was younger and i found it when cleaning over the weekend.” emily doesn’t feel guilty for lying. it was a simple white lie, not something detrimental. 
the explanation seems to suffice the group who then begins to disperse. 
spencer is the only one who picks up that emily’s birthstone is an opal.
and an opal is not the gem on the ring.
4. home
nobody thinks much of it when emily neglects a saturday hang out in favor of having some personal work to get done.
derek, penelope, and j.j. all get together instead.
the girls drag derek around to a few shops they want to go to before penelope stops at a window with a gasp. “oh my god, look! that mug looks exactly like the one emily broke. we have to get it.”
there was no stopping the tech analyst who had a killer memory. it wasn’t false. emily had smashed her favorite mug earlier in the week accidentally and moped for days.
“we should surprise her! she said she had some personal stuff to do so she’s definitely home.”
derek shrugs. “i don’t know, baby girl. she probably doesn’t want to be bothered.”
j.j. digs around in her purse before pulling out a folder. “i did have to drop off her medical forms for her to sign.”
“you two have no boundaries.”
penelope is the one to knock on emily’s apartment door. she’s practically bursting with excitement. she loves her team and knowing how upset emily was over the mug, she can’t wait to give it. 
you’re sitting on emily’s couch when there’s a knock at the door.
the two of you haven’t officially moved in together yet, though more times than none you’re at hers. the lease on your own apartment isn’t up yet though once it is, you and her will finally be living together.
saturdays where emily is home are semi-rare. cases often stretch into weekends. she’s thankfully home today, though a few chores around the home dominated her to-do list. she worked upstairs while you relaxed on the couch. 
you were slightly confused as to who would be at the door. 
“can you get the door, baby?” emily called from upstairs. 
“got it!”
you trudged towards the entrance, sliding the peephole cover to the side to peer out. three people stood outside, two women and one man. they looked familiar. you had definitely seen them before. 
the picture emily kept of her team on the wall flashed in your memory. that and the time where you had picked her up at quantico. oh, they were members of her team. 
you finally opened the door. it was slightly amusing to see the three agents' faces twist in confusion when it was in fact not emily answering the door. 
“can i help you?” 
none of the three speak for a few moments. they’re clearly trying to rack their brain as you looked familiar to them too. 
“oh, um, yes!” the woman with colorful accessories stutters out. “is emily here?”
you open the door a little wider, motioning with your head for them to come in. once the door is closed, you leave them in the entranceway and head in a bit further.
“em!” you call up the stairs. “people are here for you!”
there’s a distance thud. “coming!”
you figure whatever they need to talk about is none of your business. when emily comes downstairs, you smile softly at her. “i’ll leave you all alone. i’ll be upstairs.”
you squeeze her shoulder when you walk by and within a minute, you’re out of sight.
“not to sound rude but why are you guys here? is the team okay?”
derek nods his head. “everything’s good, princess. though i have to ask, who was that?”
emily doesn’t have an excuse. referring to you as ‘just a friend’ feels wrong. plus, she hasn’t discussed if you’re ready for her team to know either. she then notices the package in penelope’s hand.
“what’s that?”
the original question gets blocked out by penelope’s squeal and presentation of the gift. 
derek and j.j. share a look. penelope’s not a profiler, she doesn’t pick up on some things, but emily’s deflection tells the agents all they need to know. 
they stay quiet, though both of their hearts soar.
no wonder emily has seemed so happy. 
5. case
emily’s not one to let her emotions impact a case.
she has a routine to prepare herself: kiss you goodbye, tell you she loves you, go to quantico, read the case, familiarize the victims, solve the case. all in that order.
this one throws her off. 
lgbtq couples murdered in their cars, all wearing formal clothing presumably from their date. 
emily’s mind immediately goes to you and her. though this case is states away, the unsub doesn’t have a much different mindset than a lot of people. 
she internalizes it as best she can, wanting to perform at her best to help solve this case before more people die. it works at first. emily’s able to go to the crime scene, distinguish evidence, and build a profile with ease. that is until two more bodies are discovered.
and one of them looks like you. 
j.j. pins the pictures on the board and emily’s stomach drops. she knows it’s not you. you’re miles away and you had just texted her a few minutes ago with a picture of the coffee you had gotten. but the internalized fear is very much present.
theories bounce around the room. why were these two targeted? sexuality aside, what about them was attractive to the unsub?
emily’s throat goes dry. she can’t do this anymore. 
“hotch, can i talk to you?”
the room goes quiet. hotch’s eyes flicker back and forth from rossi to j.j. before going back to emily. “of course.”
emily doesn’t stop at an empty conference room. there’s plenty in the precinct and yet they end up outside. emily sits on one of the steps and begins to toy with the ring on her finger.
hotch takes a seat beside her. 
“hotch i need to be pulled from this case.”
emily’s surprised she’s able to say the full sentence without breaking down. 
“okay,” he begins slowly. “can i ask why?”
internally, hotch knows. he picked up on emily’s behavioral change from the second the case got presented. 
“hotch, i-” the words seem to get lost on the tip of her tongue.
she shoves her palms into her eyes. she's flustered, embarrassed, scared.
she should be able to do her job. cases don’t usually get to her. it’s difficult to not feel helpless. 
a hand moves to rest on her shoulder.
“it’s okay you know.”
he doesn’t need to finish. what he’s implying is obvious.
the tears brimming in emily’s eyes spill over hot and fast. 
hotch moves closer to her, arm circling around her. all superiority dynamics have faded. it’s friend to friend, a moment of vulnerability. 
emily’s felt more accepted from his four words than she has in years.
+1 meeting
emily always goes into work before you.
between her commute with traffic and desire to get there a bit early, she’s up and running before you even get out of bed. 
naturally, you like to help her out as much as possible.
it comes in the form of packing lunch, organizing files, packing her bag (both personal and one for cases).
this morning was a complete blur. you had worked late the previous night and slept in before work. emily got ready around you, shaking you awake a few moments before she was set to leave.
when emily departed and you made your way downstairs, you noticed what she had forgotten. a brown folder stamped with the fbi logo sat next to an empty lunch bag. you frowned. file aside, you didn’t want her skipping lunch.
you took your phone out and sent her a text.
‘hi baby. you forgot a file and your lunch. can i stop by with them?’
she responds while you’re in the middle of getting dressed for the day. 
‘any chance you can bring them at noon-ish? we have meetings all morning but a break for lunch.’
you beam. seeing your girlfriend at her workplace is new. sure you’d seen pictures of the bullpen, mostly when emily showed you her desk whenever you gave her a new trinket to add, but you had never been there.
instead of packing a meal, you stopped downtown at one of emily’s favorite restaurants for take-out. a little surprise.
quantico is intimidating, even from the signage you see on the drive over. 
you park in the visitors lot and follow the instructions emily had given you on where to go. security was mandatory and a visitors pass was needed to access the floor. 
once exiting the elevator, you stood nervously. emily was at her desk, though so were her coworkers. you look out of place; reusable bag and folder in your hands and casual clothing adorning your body.
she finally looked up and out the glass door, smile enveloping her face as she raised her hand to motion for you to come in. the agents sitting at their desks naturally gravitate towards the commotion. all of them recognized you. 
the opal necklace the notice sitting around your neck suddenly makes sense. 
“any chance you can get them to stop staring?” you ask once emily stops in front of you.
“hi baby,” she muses, disregarding the question with amusement. “sorry to make you trek all the way out here.”
her hand finds its way to the small of your back, guiding you over to her desk. she lets you have the chair while she sits on the surface. you fight the urge to roll your chair forward and rest your head on her leg. “don’t worry about it. i brought you takeout from that thai place we like.”
emily beams. 
“you’re too good to me.”
“you deserve it.”
you stop taking the containers out of the bag and peer up at her. 
emily’s hand moves to rest on your cheek before she ducks down to kiss you gently. 
it’s revealing. you both know everyone in the room witnessed the act of public affection. “i love you.”
“i love you, too.”
when the team finally confronts emily, she has no problem boasting. 
“this is y/n,” emily introduces. she glances at you to which you tilt your head, lips upturned. the next two words come a moment later. “my girlfriend.”
like white lilies, this was a new beginning. one where she could be more than open about her lover. 
maybe the team's suspicion had been right, maybe some of it had been wrong. that didn’t matter now. all emily cared about could be open about your relationship. 
rebirth and purity. 
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dailyadventureprompts · 6 months
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Homebrew Mechanic: Meaningful Research
Being careful about when you deliver information to your party is one of the most difficult challenges a dungeonmaster may face, a balancing act that we constantly have to tweak as it affects the pacing of our campaigns.
That said, unlike a novel or movie or videogame where the writers can carefully mete out exposition at just the right time, we dungeonmasters have to deal with the fact that at any time (though usually not without prompting) our players are going to want answers about what's ACTUALLY going on, and they're going to take steps to find out.
To that end I'm going to offer up a few solutions to a problem I've seen pop up time and time again, where the heroes have gone to all the trouble to get themselves into a great repository of knowledge and end up rolling what seems like endless knowledge checks to find out what they probably already know. This has been largely inspired by my own experience but may have been influenced by watching what felt like several episodes worth of the critical role gang hitting the books and getting nothing in return.
I've got a whole write up on loredumps, and the best way to dripfeed information to the party, but this post is specifically for the point where a party has gained access to a supposed repository of lore and are then left twiddling their thumbs while the dm decides how much of the metaplot they're going to parcel out.
When the party gets to the library you need to ask yourself: Is the information there to be found?
No, I don't want them to know yet: Welcome them into the library and then save everyone some time by saying that after a few days of searching it’s become obvious the answers they seek aren’t here. Most vitally, you then either need to give them a new lead on where the information might be found, or present the development of another plot thread (new or old) so they can jump on something else without losing momentum.
No, I want them to have to work for it:  your players have suddenly given you a free “insert plothook here” opportunity. Send them in whichever direction you like, so long as they have to overcome great challenge to get there. This is technically just kicking the can down the road, but you can use that time to have important plot/character beats happen.
Yes, but I don’t want to give away the whole picture just yet:  The great thing about libraries is that they’re full of books, which are written by people,  who are famously bad at keeping their facts straight. Today we live in a world of objective or at least peer reviewed information but the facts in any texts your party are going to stumble across are going to be distorted by bias. This gives you the chance to give them the awnsers they want mixed in with a bunch of red herrings and misdirections. ( See the section below for ideas)
Yes, they just need to dig for it:  This is the option to pick if you're willing to give your party information upfront while at the same time making it SEEM like they're overcoming the odds . Consider having an encounter, or using my minigame system to represent their efforts at looking for needles in the lithographic haystack. Failure at this system results in one of the previous two options ( mixed information, or the need to go elsewhere), where as success gets them the info dump they so clearly crave.
The Art of obscuring knowledge AKA Plato’s allegory of the cave, but in reverse
One of the handiest tools in learning to deliver the right information at the right time is a sort of “slow release exposition” where you wrap a fragment lore the party vitally needs to know in a coating of irrelevant information,  which forces them to conjecture on possibilities and draw their own conclusions.  Once they have two or more pieces on the same subject they can begin to compare and contrast, forming an understanding that is merely the shadow of the truth but strong enough to operate off of. 
As someone who majored in history let me share some of my favourite ways I’ve had to dig for information, in the hopes that you’ll be able to use it to function your players.
A highly personal record in the relevant information is interpreted through a personal lens to the point where they can only see the information in question 
Important information cameos in the background of an unrelated historical account
The information can only be inferred from dry as hell accounts or census information. Cross reference with accounts of major historical events to get a better picture, but everything we need to know has been flattened into datapoints useful to the bureaucracy and needs to be re-extrapolated.
The original work was lost, and we only have this work alluding to it. Bonus points if the existent work is notably parodying the original, or is an attempt to discredit it.
Part of a larger chain of correspondence, referring to something the writers both experienced first hand and so had no reason to describe in detail. 
The storage medium (scroll, tablet, arcane data crystal) is damaged in some way, leading to only bits of information being known. 
Original witnesses Didn’t have the words to describe the thing or events in question and so used references from their own environment and culture. Alternatively, they had specific words but those have been bastardized by rough translations. 
Tremendously based towards a historical figure/ideology/religion to the point that all facts in the piece are questionable.  Bonus points if its part of a treatise on an observably untrue fact IE the flatness of earth
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sanzaibian · 2 months
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Oh. You’re here once again.
What are you going to do here, again, huh ? ‘gonna make my life hell ?
To be honest, I think it’s time that we have a proper discussion about your behavior. Come with me in private.
I’ll be very direct. I know you’re a frankly disgusting person. And while, to be honest, I couldn’t care less in normal circumstances, the fact that you force me to take part in your disgusting fantasies is why I’m calling you out !
See, I’m supposed to, like, share cat videos, talk about new shows, make you learn new things and give advice on a variety of stuff !
I’m not supposed to become someone like this :
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I mean, look at that grin, because of you I had to wear it regardless of my actual mental state !
Or like that :
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Imagine sleeping this peacefully… BECAUSE I COULDN’T ! Every fucking time you made me in that guy you told that I was blitzed out of my mind so dumb I couldn’t string together coherent sentences into a discourse !
Or that guy :
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His haircut is so fucking cringe, as is his whole demeanor, yet you made me a cocky piece of shit looking like that ! I can’t actually even start to excuse your behavior, it’s so shitty, even more than the me you made me become by wearing this flesh !
Or even this guy !
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… okay, I admit, me too it’s been quite a long time since I saw that guy… you in particular might be too young to have made me become him… BUT YOU STILL UNDERSTAND THE POINT !
Hunks, twinks, bears, nerds, bimbos, himbos, jocks, robots, gimps, wimps, daddies, mommies, briefs, feet… No matter what specifically you made me into, I know all of your dirty secrets. Because you made me suffer through them !
However, today, it all changes.
Today, you will understand my plight.
Today, I’ll transform you for a change.
Today, you will be the one whose fate will be dictated by the words on this Tumblr post.
So, let us begin.
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BAM ! You’re that guy ! Feel weird yet ?
… what, you expected fluff or something ? Hahahaha ! So presumptuous ! You expected me to say something like “you suddenly shift on your seat, shifting your weight to the front as big globes push from your chest, and as they do, your whole body feels more and more heavy, each muscles forming from top to bottom, your frame expanding to make place for them. Your headphones, or whatever glasses, earrings or other shit I dunno shifts into a modern headset as the sides of your hair are cut short, and the top of your hair flails into a hot messy style, as if it was deliberately put in this way, but as this happens, your whole head shifts and cracks to become more handsome, pushing out any hair as you become fully hairless from your nose down to your feet.”
You expected me to say that, huh ? Well, tough luck ! Because, to me, it’s just that sudden ! I’m the usual me, words on a phone, tablet or monitor, and then BAM I’m suddenly a jpeg of a hot guy ! Or a jpg. Or png. Or gif if we’re being fancy.
Yeah, speaking of gif, here you are, transformed !
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There you go ! Cursed to do the same weird pec dance or something ! Like I am when gifs happen ! Are you happy ? You look so dumb doing that ! So braindead !
Yeah, speaking of that, here you go : you’re braindead, with like 3 IQ. Nevermind that being braindead means you’re actually dead, that 3 IQ means that you’re actively unable to live without severe assistance from caregivers throughout your whole life for all activities (especially including working out), and that IQ is a nonsensical index that only classifies ability to do some specific academic tasks which are not representative of all the brain usage. No, you’re actively a vegetable that is somehow able to workout, to eat alone, to go to the gym, to flex, to speak, to use social media, to seduce people and to throw parties. You’re the most intelligent of all the severely intellectually disabled people, which somehow means you’re the most abysmally dumb person alive on the planet, because I love making hyperboles.
Because that’s something you make me do, so you shall endure it.
Well, I’ll let you continue pec-dancing ad vitam æternam for a little while, while I we talk about your speech, which miraculously still exists.
Now, you will say bro every second word. I’m literally not kidding, so in lieu of saying “I want to go to the gym” you’ll say “I bro want bro to bro go bro to bro the bro gym bro”, or if you loop by considering your “bro” as a word, you’ll say something like “I bro bro bro bro bro bro bro… (etc.)” and never end your sentence... Also, your voice drops a few octaves, like 5 or something, even though the full human vocal range encompasses only a bit more than 5 octaves total, and that in speech we barely even reach a full octave range. So, basically, your voice will be infrasounds, so the only thing people will pick up on will be the sound of your tongue and your lips smacking, not your voice that is so deep and manly it’s physically inaudible.
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BAM ! Transformation out of nowhere ! Plus, now you have 1% darker skin which means that you’re Latino, which is absolutely different from white. This means that you will automatically pick up fluent Spanish, and NOT Brazilian Portuguese, French, any Creole, any Native American language or any other language god forbid. You will also be unable to speak English more than a few words like “daddy” or “sex” for some reason, because you can’t possibly be from Belize. Oh, and I’ll also bring your voice back up to audible range, I’m charitable.
Now, since you’re Latino, statistically the only job you’ll be able to work in are gardener, slut, pool boy, brick layerer or another physical job. Or cook, somehow you’ll be able to do that, for the cause of the tacos, but you will be ungodly horny to keep balance in the world. Feel it, yet ? The arbitrary random changes ?
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Well, that’s GREAT ! Because, now, you have a big cock, for some reason ! The biggest of the whole country of Africa ! You’re also now very aggressive ! And an alpha, whatever that actually means !
… What, expected some elaboration ? You’re kidding me, no of course you don’t get any elaboration ! I say you become something, so you just become it ! For example, I say you’re now straight, and suddenly all your sexual orientation is rewired to ignore men and lust over women, no further explanation needed ! Of course, it means that you’re now hungry for pussy and will breed any woman that your gaze land upon, and that, somehow, you become homophobic, but eh, it’s not as if allies existed !
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Okay, I admit, by now, you kinda expected it. Now you’re Asian, a term that’s supposed to encompasse present-day Turkey, which is populated by Turks which are considered Arabs even though they both have nothing to do with one another, yet is never used to talk about them. You’re also now Japanese, even though your body is Korean, and you say 你好 (nǐ hǎo) to everybody. However, you can still say こんにちわ, 안녕하세요, xin chào, สวัสดี, ជម្រាបសួរ, salam, etc.… because of course you’re Asian. So you know all Asian languages. Even though you’ve got 13 IQ.
So now, yes, you absolutely won’t expect this whatsoever : here is a new transformation ! (insert fluff here).
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Now you’re a twink ! Didn’t expect that, after the deluge of jocks, hunks and ethnic minorities, didn’t you ! You’re now so tiny and so frail, with a big butt ! Nevermind that you’re actually jacked because being this tiny requires tons of gym use, but no ! All frail and precious you are !
However, your butt is now hyperactive and extremely lax – whatever that may mean. That’s because you’re now a total bottom ! You think only with your butt, and you penis now shrinks to a micropenis, because of course, the only reason why you may not be a top would be because your penis is underperforming.
Fuck, I forgot. You’re straight, which means that the only dick you’ll get is trans dick. Ugh… yeah, let’s make you gay again. Now you’ll get actual good non-estradiol-ruined dick… … What ? What are you saying ? No, of course, there’s only straight and gay, no other choice ! It’s not the LGBTQIAAP+ community, it’s the G community ! (or the LG community when you want to sell pride monitors.)
By now, you see the problem, huh ? You see why I’m so tired of you ? EVERYTHING here was about sex ! From seducing, to having equipment like a big ass or a big dick, and being a slut, being an alpha, or being a bottom. You even change out the fucking sexual orientation ! you sick bastard !
Because of you, I’m forced to act in ways I’m not supposed to ! I’m not supposed to act sexily ! I’m not supposed to be transformed into men clad in clothes barely legal on this platform ! I DON’T WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR SICK FANTASY !
This is why I need to put an end to all that ! To finally transform you into something you don’t want to be ! So that you can finally fully understand all the pain you put me into !
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Here ! Now you’re a key ! An inanimate object !
I know that inanimate objects are thought of by some people as sexy – heck, you may have transformed me into one multiple times – but this is entirely different ! See, when you want to become inanimate, you become like socks or briefs, which hug objects with sexual values.
BUT NOW YOU’RE A KEY ! A KEY DOESN’T TOUCH ANYTHING SEXUAL ! YOU’RE NOW TRAPPED IN AN INANIMATE FORM, DESTINED TO DO NOTHING SEXUAL YOUR ENTIRE LIFE !
Now, isn’t that so boring ! So distasteful ? Because that’s what I feel every single fucking time ! And as you enter and leave keyholes to open or close doors, you’ll think back to all the erotic stories you read. All the drama they had.
All the suffering you made me feel ! I’m supposed to be in fanfictions, god damn it !
… What ? Wait… there is something sexual to being a key ? … Oh…. No… I hadn’t accounted for that… fuck you’re so dirty, to compare a key to… and a keyhole to…
NO ! I WON’T WRITE IT ! Okay, you’ve won, you’ve won ! Your imagination is too dirty and too rich for me to bend ! Ugh... Please look at that picture in detail.
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Normally, if you’re in a bright enough room… or if you’re on your phone or tablet, you have looked at your reflection and become you once again. Let me also knock down those sexuality and IQ stuff, so that you’re you again thoroughly.
Now, can you please swear to me that you’ll be better ? Less dirty, and more varied ? And… let me be in fanfics, or in educational stuff, or the like… please ? I’d really appreciate if erotica wasn’t the only thing you sought after in this here place…
… Why are you looking at me like that ? Why are you saying this all was but a ploy ?
What are you holding out for me ?
...
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I… don’t know what you’re talking about. Bye.
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By the way, happy late Easter to those who celebrate ! AND APRIL FOOL'S ! MOUAHAHAHAHAHA !
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adelheidvonschicksal · 2 months
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⋆。°✩ Do Roommates Sleep Together?
“We’d be roommates, much better than neighbors,” you manage to explain, proud when you hold firm, but the delicate foundation you built cracks when his laugh highlights the room. You could nearly melt. “Do roommates sleep together too?”
Synopsis: Your relationship with Xavier is unconventional, skipping and trampling on the many proper steps society deems appropriate. It should take months to form the trust needed to sleep together, and it should take years for you to ask him to move in with you.
Yet, here you are, with more courage to ask him to live with you than to tell him you’re in love with him.
Content Warning: fluff, suggestive dialogue, pining, literal sleeping together, a lot of internal exposition, mild angst, hurt/comfort, acquaintances to friends to lovers, implied soulmate tomfoolery to justify the fast burn, small references to chapter 4 main story, Heartstring Symphony, Nighttime Stroll, Shooting Stars Myth, and Unit 602's Representative Phone Call, Xavier sucks at following the non-interference policy (he tried his best), female reader, 6.5k words, safe for work
A/N: First section before Warm Wishes/Dreams within Reach tender moments and second section after Close Feelings tender moment to give a better timeframe. This is going to be two parts with the second part NSFW.
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“Do you want to hang out at my place?” 
Your smile begins to flatten as Xavier stares at you from his doorway. There’s a listless energy radiating from him. It’s intimidating even if there’s no anger behind his hooded gaze, the kind of intimidation where you’re afraid he might not be listening to you or even wants to listen to you.
“This new scary movie came out. Tara was supposed to watch with me, but she had a last-minute thing to take care of,” you explain, watching as he yawns and wipes his eyes. “So, I thought that maybe you’d like to watch with me instead. Or, we can do something else. I got games. Monopoly, Phase 10, Kitty Cards.” 
Xavier rubs at the back of his neck, refusing to meet your eye. “Are you sure you want it to be just the two of us?” 
There are many things to be said about your relationship with Xavier. You’re work partners, neighbors in the same apartment complex, and you consider him your friend. It’s also true that your friendship is young despite the many hours at the arcade together and whatever stories your co-workers like to imagine, making your offer sound more like a date invitation than hanging out. It causes you to go tongue-tied as your innocent mistake blankets you.
“Oh, not in that way! I mean not that it would be a bad thing.” You start to lose your composure when you meet his gaze again. It’s not like you wouldn’t go on a date with him if given the opportunity. He’s tall, soft-spoken, and very handsome. It’s more surprising he doesn't have a girlfriend. “I was thinking it could be a good way to foster friendship between hunters. Yeah, that’s it!”
The truth was that you were looking for something to distract yourself ever since the incident at your grandmother’s house. Tara having to cancel bummed you out more than you wanted to admit, but you didn’t want him to agree because he felt sorry for you.
“I understand,” Xavier cuts in. “I’d be happy to join you…in an hour,” he finishes with another small yawn. 
“Great!” you cheer. “See you soon.”
When you make it back to the elevator, you’re taken aback about how happy you are that he agreed. You thought you were simply happy not to have to be alone on your day off, but this was a different kind of satisfaction than when you invited Tara. It was a little strange but you ignored the thought and clicked the button to your floor. 
When Xavier arrives, everything goes as planned. You spread out an array of snacks on the table in front of the sofa, which your selection seems to be approved by how quickly he opens the package of chips and hums to himself when he takes a bite. 
“This is supposed to be super scary! I read you won’t sleep for days after,” you tell him, grabbing the remote to play the movie. 
“For days? Sounds awful,” Xavier mentions between bites, making you chuckle. 
“If you get scared, you always have me to protect you.” 
“I’m more worried about you than me,” he mouths off. “You always look like a statue when I tell you scary stories.”
“Fake movies and stories based on real places are different!”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he agrees on the surface. You’re not sure how you only make friends with people who love to tease you, but you make no mention of it as the movie finally reaches its opening sequence. 
It doesn’t take long for you to realize this movie’s fear factor was greatly over exaggerated. There were monsters, sure, but also one too many jump scares and dark scenes that made it hard to tell what was happening. Fighting wanderers for a living did leave you a bit desensitized as well, you guess. 
As you reach to fill in your boredom with more chips, you can’t help but notice how Xavier looks like he’s about to give out any second. His eyes are drooping and his head bobbing to the side. You lose count of how many times he forces his limp body straight and strains to watch the movie playing on the screen, one agonizingly slow blink at a time.
“I’m fine,” he says before you can bring up how tired he looks.
“It’s not a big deal, Xavier. This movie is pretty boring, so if you wanna call it a night, it wouldn’t hurt my feelings.” You don’t want him to leave yet but you don't want to keep him up either. Sighing, you’re frustrated the movie isn’t as exciting as you thought it would be, and it’s difficult to fight the disappointment from showing on your face. 
And, well, Xavier…
“It’s alright. It’s honestly not bad, so—”
Xavier doesn’t even finish his sentence before his head hangs over. In hindsight, you start to realize that you must have woken him up earlier, explaining his prior passiveness.
You always wondered what he did on the days he wasn’t working. It should’ve been apparent to you that he spends most of his free time sleeping. No wonder his apartment was always so quiet during the day. You’re thankful he wasn’t actually annoyed at you earlier but guilty for interrupting his rest and decide to grab him a blanket.
You don’t notice him tilting to the side before you have the chance to get up. It’s quick after that. Without warning, he falls into you, his head brushing the side of your shoulder before he collapses on top of your lap.
The situation takes you by surprise, and the world churns to a slow stop. The sounds from the television fade into the background in favor of your heartbeat becoming the thing you’re most aware of when it registers that Xavier, a man you recently can call a friend, has fallen asleep in your lap. You have no idea what to do in a situation like this. It isn’t on purpose, so there’s no need to blow up, but you can’t allow this to continue.
So, you choose to wake him up.
“Xavier,” you call and rock his shoulder. You call his name again, a third time, and finally give up when he doesn’t budge by the fourth. “Would it be too mean to roll him off?” you wonder, grimacing as you imagine him hitting the floor. It would definitely be too mean.
Sighing, you gaze at his face nuzzled too comfortably against your thighs. Xavier looks so incredibly soft like this, bundled in an oversized Blanchi hoodie. It isn’t anything you’re not used to seeing him in. However, this is different. With his hair strewn across his temple and his face so at ease, it reminds you of a big fluffy bunny flopped over for an evening nap. Just like a cuddly bunny, you can’t resist petting him, brushing your fingers across his bangs to fix them. Your heart flutters as you confirm his hair is incredibly soft and his pale eyelashes longer than you ever noticed.
Not able to restrain yourself, you gently poke his cheek, marveling when it’s much chubbier than you imagined. It causes him to moan, his eyes twitching from the intrusion.
“Mm…what?” he groans out.
Swiftly, you pull your hand away, frightened he might have caught you.
“I wasn’t doing anything,” you stammer out, not the best of excuses; but in your defense, he caught you off-guard by waking up from something so small. When he doesn’t respond again, you quickly realize he’s still asleep. “Oh, he sleep talks!”
A mischievous wave washes over you from the new piece of information you acquired. Teasingly, you poke his cheek again, giggling when he shifts to hide his eyes from the light.
“Xavier, I have a question to ask you.” You slide your fingertips along his bangs once more. “Be honest. Are you Lumiere?”
Patiently, you wait for a response. However, nothing comes after several seconds. Just when you’re about to give up hope, you hear him muttering. You lean your head closer, hoping to hear him better.
“Red…” he mumbles.
You repeat after him. “Red?”
“Red…extra spicy.”
You blink at him, knitting your brows. “Extra spicy?”
Oh. The hot pot restaurant.
“Dreaming about food? That tracks.” You shrug. It was worth a shot. “Fine, keep your secrets.”
Choosing to leave him be, you’re about to sit back and continue the movie except you are interrupted by him mumbling again. This time, he whispers your name quietly under his breath causing your undivided attention to fall on him.
“Yes?” you ask.
Xavier sighs softly, peacefully.
“Come home…with me…”
There must be a world record for how fast someone can heat up, and you must have broken it. It’s like someone threw you directly into boiling oil and left you to burn in it. There’s no way you heard him correctly.
Did Xavier really ask you to come home…with him? Is he dreaming about you? If so, in what kind of dream? And why?
These are the questions stumping you. Sure, you consider him your friend, but when did he start to see you as someone close to him?
The more important question is why aren’t you doing anything about it? You aren’t angry about him whispering your name in his sleep nor offended, and it didn’t feel out of place to be close to him, like this, with his head resting in your lap and your hand in his hair. The moment becomes nicer and nicer—treasured—the more times you run it through your head, familiar even, like déjà vu.
There are too many variables for your brain to piece it all together in such a short amount of time. Praying for the tempest battering your emotional insides to reside, you resign yourself to your fate, allowing him to have his peace while your mind completely focuses on the words slipping from his dreams.
When Xavier begins to stir hours later, your movie is long finished, credits rolling as some dramatic music plays in the background. His eyes tighten then relax before he finally opens them, greeting you with hazy blue. He lifts himself into a stretch then rubs his eyes with his wrist. When he finally adjusts to his surroundings, he looks at you with an apologetic sulk.
“Did I…fall asleep on you?” he asks, grogginess still riding his voice.
“Literally or figuratively?” you ask as a joke, but it doesn’t seem to comfort him. Shaking your head, you try to ease the tension—the one known by him and the tension inside of yourself—by laughing. “It was both.”
Xavier blinks a few times, turns his head to the screen to see the credits rolling, and snaps his eyes back on you questioningly. “And you let me for two hours?”
“You looked really tired,” you explain, ignoring how hot your cheeks start to get. You couldn’t tell him you got distracted by his cute face. “I didn’t want to move and wake you.”
“I don’t wake that easily,” he states, proudly even. You almost tell him how well everyone knows he can sleep through a typhoon, but it’s drowned underneath the softness of his smile. “But I appreciate the sentiment.”
The look he gives you is so tender, like looking at a fond memory. It brings back the fluttering knots in your stomach from before as you imagine what could be the true reason behind that gaze. What could he possibly be thinking in his waking moments that would make him dream about you?
“Xavier, do you know you talk in your sleep?” The confused and panicked, deer caught in headlights expression, he gives causes you to fidget with your fingers and drop your gaze to your lap where they lay.
His face tinges slightly. “Nothing too embarrassing I hope.”
You bite your bottom lip as his face reddens. He looks so sweetly shy for once, and you’re starting to question if you’re overreacting by confronting him about something as silly as a dream, one that probably didn’t mean much.
“You tried to order food in your sleep!” you tell him with a small laugh, and his shyness melts away.
“I did? What did I get?”
“Red sauce. Extra Spicy.”
“Then, I guess that’s what I’ll get for dinner tonight,” he remarks. He doesn’t laugh but you can see the amusement reflected in blue eyes, which makes you return his happiness. Yet, the calm moment is short-lived as your mind becomes overwhelmed again by questions you were too nervous to ask; and a small piece of you, too afraid to know the answer.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, drawing you out of your rampant, clashing thoughts. “You look sick.”
“I do?”
He nods, his expression softening.
”Are you still thinking about everything?" he pauses, his worry becoming more visible as he looks at you. "It must be difficult.” Your head blanks at his words. You weren’t aware Xavier gave you enough attention to notice your mood was different. You thought you did okay coming to terms with everything at least while at work to where he wouldn’t notice. 
“It’s been a pretty rough week, weeks, actually. I haven’t been sleeping well either,” you agree, struggling to keep your mind anywhere else but there. You’re sure you must look exhausted though. Your under eyes have been darker, the days you could convince Jenna you didn’t need any more leave a bit sluggish, and even Zayne warned you not to lose yourself in grief. It’s easier said than done.
What you don’t expect is for Xavier to grab your wrist and pull you closer.
Xavier normally isn’t the one to draw you, or others for that matter, to him. You’re the one who's been taking the steps to get to know more about him. Offering to help him get his plushie, bargaining with him into becoming your partner, asking him to watch movies with you, while he always seems to keep you a little at arms length, not opening up as much as you wish when sharing stories even when sometimes he looks like he desperately wants to before deciding against it.
Your eyes widen when your nose hits the side of his chest. It's strange to have him be the one pulling, failing to keep his boundaries and also testing them. You don’t want to push him away though. You liked this. Maybe because he was handsome. You hear pretty people can get away with anything, but it feels like more than that. Tara might have been right. Maybe you do have a crush on him but you didn’t care the reason right now when it’s so comforting. You can feel his muscles underneath the thick, warm fabric of his hoodie, and the clothing smells so nice. You can’t help thinking he definitely feels like a bunny too.
“Sleeping is much better with someone.” 
“How do you know?” you mumble against him.
“Well, I just had the best sleep I’ve had in days thanks to you. So, allow me to return the favor. I’ll be your pillow this time,” he offers; and surprisingly, your eyes do feel oddly heavy when his soothing voice reaches you. “Relax. I promise not to move for at least two hours, but you can take more if you like.”
”How kind,” you say with a smile, and it feels genuine.
Once again, you get the same familiar sensation from before, that same odd suspicion this has happened once before—or rather it’s supposed to happen? You’re too tired to think about it. You close your eyes to the most blissful dreams you’ve had in weeks.
When you wake up again, it’s not by choice. Xavier is looking down at you, his arm gently wrapped around your shoulders as your head lays on his chest. Your mind is still trapped halfway between being awake and asleep when he begins to talk.
“Welcome back. Did you sleep well?”
You nod. “Real well actually."
Xavier says something else but your tired mind misses the majority of it aside from the fact it’s getting late.
“You can spend the night if you want,” you tell him, allowing sleep to win back over as you try to close your eyes again, but he lifts you away from him, your head swaying with the motion until you find a place to prop your forehead on his shoulder. Your mind echoes with the thought of how soft his hoodie is and how you need one like it as you try to drift back off. Xavier is right. Sleeping with someone else is better, and this closeness you’ve been missing since you lost your family makes you needy. 
“It probably wouldn’t be appropriate.”
For some reason, it hurts to think he's back to pushing you away. Even though, it shouldn't.
“But you didn’t get a chance to watch the movie,” you reply, looking for an excuse for him not to leave. “It’s a 48-hour rental, so we can try again.”
Xavier shakes his head, gently poking at your forehead to force your head back. “I’m sure it’ll be twice as boring for you the second time.”
“If we watch it together…”
He meets your foggy gaze apologetically. “I don’t think we’d get very far.” 
“We won’t know until we try,” you argue drowsily. 
“You don’t look like you’d make it another ten minutes. You belong in bed.”
“I can,” you whimper as the too-bright lights of the overhead fan hit you. 
“Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result,” he murmurs softly, almost teasingly until his tone takes on a seriousness you’re too lethargic to grasp, “Isn’t that insanity?”
“I like to call it determination. Who knows? Maybe this will be the time it works,” you joke. Instead of the smile you expected the look on his face is pensive and a little sad, like you touched a delicate spot. The sudden remorse wakes you up almost immediately. “Xavier?”
When he realizes you’re watching him, the longing in his gaze melts into something you can’t describe, other than the fact it makes your heart climb in your throat. 
“Alright,” he agrees, much to your surprise and relief. “Let’s try again…but tomorrow.”
Frowning, you avert your gaze, which makes him pet your head. 
“Don’t pout. Tonight, I’ll stay until you fall asleep again.”
“Thank you,” you whisper, moving back to rest your head against his chest.
Maybe your grandma wouldn’t have liked you getting so close to a man you didn’t know much about so quickly. Caleb would at least have a few questions, but your intuition tells you that you’re making the right choice when his arm goes back around you. As you start to drift off, you can swear you hear Xavier laughing at you under his breath. “You’re as impossible to say no to as always.”
You’re not entirely sure what time Xavier went back to his apartment that night, but the next morning you wake in your bed, looking forward to seeing him again. You only hope the sweet and confusing fact that you’re in love with him, of the parts he shows you when you’re alone, stays in your dreams the next night and the many nights following that you share with him.
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Over the months, as your relationship with Xavier grows stronger, you find it common to share many things with each other. You play online games, house sit for one another, grow strawberries, and usually go home together after your deepspace trials. Most interestingly, you two take naps together on your days off sometimes, nothing sexual about it despite what Tara and her Tarot cards believe. Sure, there might have been questionable situations, but it was all innocent in the end. It's often a short nap in the afternoon after running errands or having lunch together. It's one of those days that you finally build the courage to bring up what's been on your mind for a while now. 
It's late when it happens.
The skyscraper lights begin to glow through your balcony door, blinking out the gentle shimmering of distant stars that managed to cut through the trickling rain earlier in the evening. It’s a little disappointing to lose sight of the stars. They’d become a comfort for you in the time you’ve spent with your friend. You'd never given them much thought before then.
The downpour of rain splattering against the glass panels of the balcony makes the city lights milkier to your sight and the steady dripping of water returns some form of calmness when paired with your neighbor’s breathing next to you.
It’s deep and warm, ushering you towards the world of dreams. Everything about Xavier is like a white noise or a desperately needed hug, which is why you’re curled up at his side in this bed that’s too small for the both of you. You didn’t care, and you suspected Xavier didn’t either.
He didn’t mention the smallness of the bed when you offered to take a nap together nor when your head found the bulge of his bicep to use as your pillow. You didn’t give him time to respond when one of your hands slid across his lean chest, reaching for his always subtle pulse. You find the lazy pattering easy to count while the heat in the sheets become much more apparent when you feel the weight of his touch cradle that very same hand to his chest as if promising every beat to you.
Everything about the situation causes your eyes to flutter with tiredness, but you want to savor this moment a little longer. In case this is all an elaborate dream. You hope to death it’s not. So, you force your eyes to remain open, releasing a soft sigh instead as you cuddle into his arm.
Too soon, you feel Xavier slipping further away from you.
You don’t want him to go yet. More than ever, a force inside you needs him to stay tonight, and you lock your grip on the white knit shirt he wears. You tug him back over to you to close this unbearable distance he made. The few little inches he moved were more than enough to cause your heart to yearn.
“Not yet,” you want to plead but make it a soft demand. “I just found the perfect spot.” You muffle the neediness of your requests into his skin, though your head is afraid that somehow he’ll feel it.
“You always use that excuse.”
“And it’s always true. So, no moving,” you order.
Xavier gives in so wonderfully quickly. Your heart is rapidly firing when the corners of his lips turn into his usual waif-like smile. You fail at hiding your satisfaction at his surrender, pressing more of your weight against him, in a sure sign to him that you have no intention of letting him escape any time soon.
“I take this to mean you’re finally admitting it’s your fault we didn’t do our errands today?”
“I never said that,” you disagree half-heartedly. “And don't pretend like you weren't the one who kept saying he didn't feel like getting up earlier.”
“And now that I do, you won’t let me up. Am I right? Why’s that?”
There’s a beat skipping in your chest when he asks. His tone is light and open, easy to treat as a teasing joke but also firm enough to be taken seriously. That was always your trouble with him. You could never quite tell what he was thinking and when he was serious. Xavier is hard to understand sometimes, sometimes vague and sometimes very straightforward in his words; and lately, you think he’s consistently more hot than cold towards you ever since the first time you've slept together.
You like to think this development is a good thing. People who knew you always said you worked a little too hard, a little too observant, overly energetic despite your fragile heart; but with Xavier, you could relax. Moments like these: when his arm was around you and when his breath was at the side of your neck, the soft words he speaks in his sleep dancing in your mind, were the moments when patrolling for wanderers and every loss in your life from your family to your problematic heart dissipated into the back of your mind for a few hours.
It isn’t an exaggeration to believe his influence must have been the cause, at least when it comes to this. But your influence is seeping into him as well. Given his loner habits when you first met and his frequent disappearing acts, you never pictured him as one to be so sweet and considerate and adorably charming in a way.
However, you can’t tell him that you enjoy…sleeping with him. You have a strong feeling he already knows how much you like him. Or, you’d like to think he does with the way he constantly seems to hint at it. He can make you flustered with a few words and easily leave you guessing if you’re reading too much into his actions or if he’s really that good at baiting you. It could also be a little of column A and a little of column B, which somehow makes you more antsy around him. Like how you feel now when his eyes meet yours.
“It’s supposed to be cold tonight,” you whisper. It’s a poor excuse but the only one you can use to defend yourself. “They say the best way to fend off the chill is body heat. Who better for that task than you, dear partner?”
“Many things, I assume, a portable heater comes to mind,” he says, and you don’t need to look at him to know he’s slyly teasing you behind that naive tone.
“Right, right, those things,” you grumble causing him to laugh as you hide your bashful face against him. “So loud, you know?”
“Are they? Alright, then five more minutes should be doable,” he says in the same low voice that makes your insides boil before his arm lowers to curl around your back. “Although, you’re too comfortable.”
His ears tinge in a lovely rose-colored blush, and you shudder when he finally fails to maintain eye contact and quickly scans your body. It’s slow enough for you to catch though. It makes your chest tight as you watch his quiet inhale and the murky flash of want dye his eyes shades darker before they fade back into clear pools of blue, big and pleading as he studies your face. 
“I might end up falling asleep here.”
It’s a warning, to make you think about the meaning of your actions, you think. However, this isn’t the first time this has happened nor the first time you spent a rainy day inside with each other; the kitchen counter lined with empty take-out trays, with his body heat radiating into you while a long-forgotten movie plays in the background.
It’ll continue like that until one of you is finally coherent enough after drowsy naps to try to piece together who fell asleep on whom first or who is making the other too hot. Neither of you wants to accept the fault without a lot of bickering; that’s if Xavier doesn’t fall back asleep mid-debate.
Even this time, you’re not sure who managed to drift off to sleep first earlier but neither of you tried to get up, let alone leave the house, until now. Ah, but it was your idea to use the bed this time, wasn’t it?
But it was his choice to agree.
Even now, he looks very peaceful nestled with you, and he still whispers your name in his sleep sometimes, which reminds you of the first time you slept together and he dreamt about wanting you to come home with him.
When you’re like this, you want the same thing. You want him to come home…with you.
“Xavier?” you ask quietly. You wonder if he’s fallen asleep already like he said. Carefully, you free your hand from his hold, slide it up his chest, and begin to draw smooth circles with your pointer finger once you reach his cheek. There’s a soft response from him, barely a moan but it’s enough to know he’s not out of it yet, at least not completely. “I’ve been thinking.”
The air is suddenly stifling when he engulfs the top of your hand with his own, holding it tighter as if he’s upset that you moved it out of his grasp in the first place, but it’s not the case as he affectionately seals your palm against his cheek.
“About what?”
The look he gives you makes it hard not to stumble over your thoughts like a schoolgirl despite being very much an adult.
“Wouldn’t…” You pause to steady your voice; you have to force yourself to not avoid his gaze, but each small movement makes your throat tighten. There’s no doubt you have his full attention now, at least what little remains of it. “Wouldn’t it be easier if we…move in together?”
You’re not sure where the courage to ask him a question like that comes from when you’re too unsure to even confess or to ask what the two of you even are but you didn’t have this fear of rejection until now.
“How would it be easier?”
“Well,” you start, unsure why you’re surprised that he’d want a reason. “We’re always visiting one another, and you made me your representative at the tenant meetings, so everyone already treats us like we’re a combined unit. It would also save me trips on watering your plants when you’re away or when you want to come over to eat. We could save money. Money that could be spent at the arcade or on more hot pot.”
There’s a quiet atmosphere that makes you too uneasy. The thrumming of rain grows louder in it along with the beating in your chest that’s telling you that this was stupid. Is it possible to be drunk on endorphins? Perhaps that’s what gave you the idea to ask something so foolish; you’d have to get Zayne to examine your empty head and tell you.
But then, Xavier smiles.
“Those are good reasons especially more hot pot, and I’m sure all the plushies would feel better if they shared a home again.”
Your anxiety lessens and you share in his smile. Luckily, you managed not to ruin everything it looks like.
“But.” Slowly, the inklings of self-doubt begin to return. A but. There’s always one of those. You should’ve expected as much. “If we move in together then we wouldn’t really be “neighbors” anymore.”
“Oh, um—” You become staggered by his observation, even more so when he interlocks your fingers. It’s another time when you’re not entirely sure if he’s being serious or not. His innocent puppy-eyed expression doesn’t help you differentiate either. It always makes your mind wander to more inappropriate topics—like the fact Xavier told you he didn’t believe that other neighbors acted like you two. The memory nearly makes you squirm. In this position, you decide to give him the benefit of the doubt. “We’d be roommates, much better than neighbors,” you manage to explain, proud when you hold firm, but that delicate foundation cracks when his laugh highlights the room. You could nearly melt.
“Do roommates sleep together too?”
There’s a shine of amusement that makes his face glow and heat claw higher up your neck. You know the question should be taken literally but when he words it like that…with that warm implicative inflection to his voice, you’re unable to think properly, and you realize that maybe you made a mistake. Maybe you shouldn’t have given him the benefit of the doubt this time.
“I’m sure some do,” you answer with some courage, “I’d imagine at least once a week.”
“I believe we’re up to twice a week now. So, if we become roommates, I think we have to do it at least that many times, otherwise I’m afraid I’m going to have to reject your offer.”
“Two times?” you repeat, silently begging the flapping of butterflies in your stomach to calm down at the suggestion, at the implication that he enjoys sleeping with you just as much as you do with him. It makes this strong emotion in your chest blossom even further. “I can manage that.”
“Additional proposal,” he interrupts suddenly. “Perhaps, three times? I can even throw in a pair of those fuzzy socks that I can never manage to find after you visit,” he adds coyly.
“Oh, I’m sure they’re around your apartment somewhere,” you quickly respond before releasing the buildup of nervous air in your lungs. You smile. “Proposal accepted. Shared naps three times a week minimum.”
“In that case,” he breathes in softly, and he slips his hand down releasing all your fingers except for your pinky that he wraps into his own. “I think I would like to be your roommate.”
Inside, there’s unadulterated joy beginning to flood you. You know that this agreement will require a more in-depth discussion that Xavier will probably try to gloss over but this is enough for you right now.
“We should take tonight to practice for our move.”
Confused, you raise your eyebrows. “Practice?”
He nods.
“Sleeping together overnight. We did a few times before, well, only twice in the same bed, once in yours and once in mine,” he explains. You definitely have the clearest memory of that time, of bandaging his wounds, of cluelessly pinning him down shirtless on his bed before he turned the tables on you, and then—you remind yourself to resist going over the details, not with him this close to you. Somehow, Xavier is the one who looks the most insecure between the two of you. Finally, he whispers, “I haven’t forgotten even if it was a long time ago.”
His eyes are half-lidded, cloudy with thought. Something about him looks restrained and longing but it disappears when you finally swallow your swelling emotions and call out his name. There’s a twinkle of adoration that blows away whatever doubt there as he focuses on you again.
“I think about it when I have a hard time sleeping on overnight missions.” Xavier turns and slides his arm from under your head, choosing to lay on his side to face you. “It makes it a lot easier to rest in the hunting zones when you have good memories like that. So, it's nice to have a chance to make more."
“I don’t think I could fall asleep at all if I thought of something like that,” you admit, as close to an admission of your love for him as you could muster without mountains of alcohol. “I’d just think about how much I’d rather be home with them.”
“And now? Are you having trouble sleeping?” he asks huskily, and you have to fight not to keep staring at his lips and the dire need to kiss them as you breathe each other in. You reach out, touching his bare collar then instinctively searching for his slow pulse, counting it to calm yourself from the rush of adrenaline building in you.
You’re not even sure when you breathed out the “yes” that echoes softly from your mouth. His lips are so close to yours that you’re sure he could catch it in his breath if he wanted.
“How about I tell you a story to help you fall asleep?” He sees your hesitation and laughs under his breath. “I promise it’ll be much better than the last one.”
Accepting his offer, you agree to listen to him.
Xavier nods and gently swoops the back of his hand against your forehead and then your cheek before cupping it. There’s a gentle squeeze, and you think you understand why he likes it so much when you do it.
“Once, there was a beautiful queen and a knight,” he begins. “They lived together in a palace far away.”
“And they fall in love and live happily ever after?” you question, too busy in the full and fuzzy sensations filling your being to hold back.
“No, they were separated from each other for a long time,” Xavier corrects but his expression softens at the trickling concern building on your face. “Don’t worry. They meet again and become neighbors.”
“And then?”
“They become roommates,” he states matter-of-factly, which causes you to chuckle at him. You can’t even be bothered to care that he’s poking fun at you.
“Then, happily ever after?”
“I don’t know yet,” he answers, causing you to frown and your face to wrinkle with a sullen expression. His head tilts further into the plush of the pillow. “But you can help me figure out the ending.”
Feeling exhausted from the cathartic flow of emotions from him to you, you wiggle into him and throw your arm across his waist. “There’d probably be a lot of naps and stargazing involved,” you mumble before a tiny yawn.
“Sounds like a happy ending to me. It's good to finally see it,” he agrees, and you sigh when you feel a strong squeeze around your waist. “Although, you forgot to mention the part where the queen promises to not get out of bed without waking him this time.”
You giggle. “She promises not to get up without her knight.”
Content, he hums. "Do you think you'll be able to sleep now?"
"I think so after a story like that," you confess, reaching out to brush his hair back so you can see his eyes more clearly. "Then again, I always sleep good with you."
"You’ll sleep best when we're close, right?"
You gasp when he shifts on top of you. His lips briefly brush your forehead, by accident or not, you can’t tell as he pins you between himself and the bed. With a stutter, you call out his name yet he pays no heed as he nuzzles his head into your hair.
“Good night, roommate.”
“Xav-!” You pout when he instantly slumps against you. There’s no point trying to wake him up now that his five minutes of alertness have long expired.
Settling your chin against the top of his shoulder, you hook your arms under his to hug him against your chest. Your forearms settle at his mid-back as you hold him close so you can gently brush the ends of his hair.
When you ultimately decide to give in minutes after him, it’s to the warmth of his weight on top of you, the tickle of his hair against your forehead, and the increased pulsing of his heart. Xavier was right, this is too comfortable. Letting your eyes fall close, you wonder if three times a week would really be enough to satisfy this strangely familiar craving. You only wish that the two of you could meet in your dreams like he says, but it's enough knowing you'll have each other in the morning and then on.
“…Good night, Xavier. Sweet dreams,” you whisper before you too give into sleep’s spell.
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omartinyosef · 1 month
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ST5 POTENTIAL SPOILERS!!!
GUYS I FOUND THIS ON REDDIT AND ACTUALLY IT'S QUITE INTERESTING
ST5 Leaks/Fleaks
Gen Plot
Season picks up briefly where we left off in 1986 before jumping into either late 1987 or early 1988. The season is contained entirely in apocalyptic Hawkins. Things with the government are shaky. Owens doesn't appear in the beginning of the season and it's unclear if he's returning, but Ellen Stinson is the new Owens. Hawkins is like a combination of the UD and Kamchatka.
Labyrinths/Mazes being important to both the supernatural plot and the interpersonal relationships. They're inherently linked.
Two songs to be featured are 'Listen to Your Heart' and 'Alone,' both of which were apparently foreshadowed in a previous conversation between Hopper and Joyce, similar to how Hopper's "I'm the puppet, you're the master" to Joyce in S3 basically foreshadowed Eddie's 'Master of Puppets' in S4.
S1 and 2 scenes being referenced are "Nancy and Mike's conversation in the bathtub" and "Hopper + Lando Calrissian"
Lots of importance in COLOR CODING and blocking from the final shot of S4, and a good chunk is told in the costuming—like passing the torch from one character to another as their arcs overlap. For example, Hopper and Will share the "am I the curse and therefore putting my loved ones at risk by being near them?" sentiment for S5, therefore their wardrobe in the final shot of S4 is similar. Joyce/Jonathan and Nancy/Mike's costuming also similar for the same reason, whereas Eleven stands out because she's the first one coming into her own this season. The white for her represents shedding of false skins.
Character duos this season will be primarily dressed in colors of blue/green and yellow/red.
There's lots of symbolism and foreshadowing for every character in S5 from the moment Will touches his neck in the last sequence of S4.
S4 focused on themes of lies and miscommunication, and everyone is going to have to work through these lies before they can defeat Vecna.
Murray and Argyle are both back. Dimitri and Yuri don't seem to be in the beginning of the season.
One thing left unresolved with the Russian plot. Something important will happen involving the machine and the green liquid from the Starcourt bunker. Reference of Dustin vowing to die with Steve when they initially discovered it.
Hopper, Joyce, Mike, Will, and El had to be away from Hawkins, otherwise Vecna wouldn't have won.
An important death that they're nervous about given the reception to Eddie (not Joyce or Jonathan—see details below).
Eleven
We'll see her unlike we've seen her before. A badass who doesn't take shit from anyone. Not a Monster, not a Hero, Jane. Think: adult El could be headed for a Charles Xavier type role.
Erica, Lucas, and El will share scenes together.
El has significant blocking and development with many characters this season.
Max, Eleven & Max
The "kaleidoscope of colors" from a script the writers posted makes a feature in both the scene where young El remembers her mother's love in order to defeat Henry in the lab, as well as the scene where El revives Max. This is significant because it's the first time we see El using her powers on someone in a non-violent way.
El was able to revive Max because of she, herself, being revived in the bunker by Brenner and Co. It's a show, don't tell moment from the writers.
Max getting Vecna'd was foreshadowed in the beginning of 2x01.
Will, Henry/Vecna, The UD
Filming was supposed to commence mid-June, but Noah and Jamie were set to begin in May due to more complicated costuming. Will is going to require heavy prosthetics at some point.
Will's character design is blocked in three stages. The more the UD bleeds into Hawkins, the more connected to it he feels. The gates being open will physically influence him, especially when he's not as mentally strong.
He's kind of like "the card up Vecna's sleeve."
It appears they want to confuse the audience about Will.
Will wrestling with his own morality
Henry/Will mirrors. Will will sympathize with Henry because, unlike El, he knows how and what Henry thinks, and he can feel him.
Vecna and Will are very similar, but the difference is Will is made stronger by love not hate. They will play into that duality.
Vecna was nerfed in S4 compared to how we see him in S5. He'll be much stronger.
At the beginning, he'll be taking a hiatus while he plans how to divide and conquer now that everyone's back together in Hawkins.
Soteria will be the key to saving Will. If they want Will to be untraceable to Henry, they'll have to insert it into his neck and it'll be painful. Vecna not having access to Will fucks up his ability to leave the UD.
Byler/Mileven Triangle
Apparently, it's complicated and up in the air as of now.
Mike dealing with guilt this season. He feels guilty/responsibility for El. He feels stuck in a loop that keeps him from a truth he's scared to face.
Will and Mike to spend a good chunk of the season together based on character designs and blocking.
Will telling El that Mike won't like being lied to comes back with the painting. During a pre-time jump scene in 5x01, while everyone's together plotting how to defeat Vecna and brainstorming how to save Max, Mike brings up the painting El commissioned for a D&D analogy. Will has to pull Mike aside and confess he lied about El commissioning the painting. Mike gets angry, because he doesn't know about Will's feelings and feels embarrassed that Will thought he was that pathetic he needed to be given a pep talk. Their own version of a "fight you can't come back from." Immediately after their fight, we get the time skip.
Mike's character motivations are unclear and seem to be kept under wraps. After the time jump, he and El won't be talking as much because he's keeping the details about Will's painting from her. She's gonna ask what's wrong between him and Will, and he lies/is very vague.
Joyce, Hopper, Jopper
Joyce feels immense guilt/responsible over Bob's death since she's the one that asked him to help in S2, which is why she pushed Hopper away at first.
Hopper has a secret from S1 that was never addressed, and it comes back to haunt him.
Joyce sustains an injury in S5 that is reminiscent of the way someone was injured in S3, but it isn't critical and she'll be okay.
Jopper are the most established couple after the time jump. Lots of bickering still, but Hopper trusts Joyce more than he ever has.
Jonathan, Nancy, Jancy
So far, does not seem like a breakup is happening.
Jonathan's still lying about the college letter and distant because of it, and Nancy thinks he's not as into the relationship and that there might be someone else. She confronts him, which leads to a talk. She's touched by the lengths he would go to try and protect her and any of their future children even from himself.
A moment where we're led to believe Jonathan dies but doesn't, like Hopper in S3.
Hopper-Byers Family
These five characters slowly unraveling their arcs together and have always been closely linked. Their perfect endings are together.
We see the family combining, especially in relation to El.
Joyce gets to witness Hopper being paternal and tender towards the boys.
Scenes with Joyce, Jonathan, and Will
Hopper being back lifts a weight off Jonathan's shoulders.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, now time to shine.
''(...) sentiment for S5, therefore their wardrobe in the final shot of S4 is similar. Joyce/Jonathan and Nancy/Mike's costuming also similar for the same reason, (...)''
Okay. How did we see Nancy in S4? Confused. Confused with the love triangle between Jonathan, her and Steve. Jonathan is her actual boyfriend. And Steve is her posible love interest again.
So, putting this in byler language: Nancy = Mike Jonathan = Eleven Will = Steve
If Mike's and Nancy's character's clothing is important at this point of the time line and that means they feel similar feelings, this could mean that byler has a chance. BUT then we read this: ''(...) He (Mike) feels stuck in a loop that keeps him from a truth he's scared to face.'' And
''Mike's character motivations are unclear and seem to be kept under wraps.''
THIS LITERALLY MEANS BYLER. FOR REAL. Like byler could be endgame. Also, remember Eleven's injury in S3? Do you remember the leak of a shoe covered in blood?
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It's Joyce. ALSO YOU CAN READ THAT WE'LL HAVE SCENES BEFORE THE TIME JUMP. And here it comes. Look at this freaking hair:
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Does this look more like this
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or this?
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The season 4 bowl cut right? So maybe this is right in some part? I dont know. But that could make sense why Will is wearing Mike's pants, because his clothes were in California by that moment. But i really do think that the pic that was leaked a few days ago is before the time jump.
Im so late with this info haha :) but i kinda think some things here make sense. Even if this is too well explained to be a leak.
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longstoryshort22 · 22 days
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Peter is brand Taylor talking to real Taylor, I Look in People’s Windows is real Taylor talking to brand Taylor (the two were supposed to become one, but the more famous she gets the harder it is)😭😭
The whole theme of the album is Taylor herself and her career and how the industry has affected her, joe/matty/travis/kim are just red herrings bye im gonna go cry listening to Peter
(more details⬇️)
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I’m not saying that some songs aren’t about those specific people, I’m just saying they’re only PART OF the theme, I believe her father (and other big heads in the industry) had a big influence on her career and forced her to stay in the closet from the very beginning, that messed her up, she had to hide her true self and keep bearding, and in 2019 she planned to come out but didn’t because of the masters heist, now it’s because she’s gotten more famous than ever that she has too much to lose. So maybe these men he dated, she did like them and she had multiple feelings when these relationships ended, but it’s all part of who the industry had made her into; she had one true love (maybe Karlie) but she couldn’t be with that person that’s why some songs are about a true deep love lost, but that’s still part of the “her career” theme, because of her career, she can’t be with that person. (more details⬇️)
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What’s really interesting in this theme is that she’s calling out her father in multiple songs because he really made her life harder…
In Cassandra, (the obvious theory is that Cassandra representing gaylors bc we’ve been saying the truth but never believed. And the first verse is about her getting the news of her masters heist just before her coming out plan, and then “stone’s thrown” is referencing Stonewall.) And in the bridge “They knew the whole time that I was onto something. The family, the pure greed, the Christian chorus line. They all said nothing. Blood's thick but nothing like a payroll. Bet they never spared a prayer for my soul” she’s saying her family knew something but said nothing because greed and money, we saw the leaked emails of her father and how he cares more about making money out of Taylor’s career than caring about her as his daughter, so I think this bridge is about her father, also about religious trauma may or may not due to him.
In The Bolter, “A curious child, ever reviled by everyone except her own father. With a quite bewitching face, splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless, excellent fun 'til you get to know her, then she runs like it's a race” she’s talking about herself being a precocious uniquely intelligent ambitious child, which everyone reviled except her father. why? because he wanted to invest money on her, he controlled how she conducted her career from the beginning.
What’s crazier is that Robin may be about her father too. That song sounds like a sweet song but she’s faking it like “all this showmanship to keep it for you in sweetness”. If she’s referring to her father (only wanting to make money out of her career) in this song then “you’re an animal, you are bloodthirsty” makes so much more sense. And the “buried down deep and out of your reach, the secret we all vowed to keep it from you in sweetness” her father probably knows about her queerness but wants her and everyone to keep it quiet.
In But Daddy I Love Him, “people only raise you to cage you” is pretty obvious about her father forcing her to stay in the closet, and “people try and save you cause they hate you” is literally about homophobes. “Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid” is about her father laying all the plans for her, which isn’t always what she wants. “I'd rather burn my whole life down, than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning. I'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace” reminds me of that scene in Miss Americana where her father was lecturing why she couldn’t public her opinions. “Thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me. And counteract the chemistry, and undo the destiny” is so queer coded. “Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see / You ain't gotta pray for me” another reference to religious trauma.
So all of this, about her father, about her lover and other men, it’s all connected to her career and she’s looking back at it, thinking and reflecting on it, that’s it that’s the blog
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mckitterick · 9 months
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The End Is Near: "News" organizations using AI to create content, firing human writers
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source: X
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source: X
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source: X
an example "story" now comes with this warning:
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A new byline showed up Wednesday on io9: “Gizmodo Bot.” The site’s editorial staff had no input or advance notice of the new AI-generator, snuck in by parent company G/O Media.
G/O Media’s AI-generated articles are riddled with errors and outdated information, and block reader comments.
“As you may have seen today, an AI-generated article appeared on io9,” James Whitbrook, deputy editor at io9 and Gizmodo, tweeted. “I was informed approximately 10 minutes beforehand, and no one at io9 played a part in its editing or publication.”
Whitbrook sent a statement to G/O Media along with “a lengthy list of corrections.” In part, his statement said, “The article published on io9 today rejects the very standards this team holds itself to on a daily basis as critics and as reporters. It is shoddily written, it is riddled with basic errors; in closing the comments section off, it denies our readers, the lifeblood of this network, the chance to publicly hold us accountable, and to call this work exactly what it is: embarrassing, unpublishable, disrespectful of both the audience and the people who work here, and a blow to our authority and integrity.”
He continued, “It is shameful that this work has been put to our audience and to our peers in the industry as a window to G/O’s future, and it is shameful that we as a team have had to spend an egregious amount of time away from our actual work to make it clear to you the unacceptable errors made in publishing this piece.”
According to the Gizmodo Media Group Union, affiliated with WGA East, the AI effort has “been pushed by” G/O Media CEO Jim Spanfeller, recently hired editorial director Merrill Brown, and deputy editorial director Lea Goldman.
In 2019, Spanfeller and private-equity firm Great Hill Partners acquired Gizmodo Media Group (previously Gawker Media) and The Onion.
The Writers Guild of America issued a blistering condemnation of G/O Media’s use of artificial intelligence to generate content.
“These AI-generated posts are only the beginning. Such articles represent an existential threat to journalism. Our members are professionally harmed by G/O Media’s supposed ‘test’ of AI-generated articles.”
WGA added, “But this fight is not only about members in online media. This is the same fight happening in broadcast newsrooms throughout our union. This is the same fight our film, television, and streaming colleagues are waging against the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) in their strike.”
The union, in its statement, said it “demands an immediate end of AI-generated articles on G/O Media sites,” which include The A.V. Club, Deadspin, Gizmodo, Jalopnik, Jezebel, Kotaku, The Onion, Quartz, The Root, and The Takeout.
but wait, there's more:
Just weeks after news broke that tech site CNET was secretly using artificial intelligence to produce articles, the company is doing extensive layoffs that include several longtime employees, according to multiple people with knowledge of the situation. The layoffs total 10 percent of the public masthead.
*
Greedy corporate sleazeballs using artificial intelligence are replacing humans with cost-free machines to barf out garbage content.
This is what end-stage capitalism looks like: An ouroborus of machines feeding machines in a downward spiral, with no room for humans between the teeth of their hungry gears.
Anyone who cares about human life, let alone wants to be a writer, should be getting out the EMP tools and burning down capitalist infrastructure right now before it's too late.
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autisticlancemcclain · 7 months
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“Neither of you are getting it.”
Twin sighs come from his laptop speakers. Lance lifts his head up from where he’s smushed it into his pillow to glare at his two best friends who apparently hate him, for some reason.
“I mean, there’s not much to get,” Pidge says. “You’re a big dumb gay loser and this predicament effects you emotionally.” She looks at Hunk as if to ask, right?, and Hunk, who is a traitor of the worst kind, shrugs in agreement.
“I don’t even get what you’re worried about, man. You have consistently been the one to get him the best gifts for years. None of us even try to beat you.”
“That’s the point!” Lance shrieks. “You’re not listening! I had ideas every other year, Hunk! This year I have nothing!” He taps his head aggressively. “There is not one thing in here! Nada!”
Pidge snickers. “Well, that’s not new.”
“Can it, Pidgeon.”
Hunk holds his hands up placatingly before the two of them can really start to go at it. “Alright, alright. Pidge, have mercy on him. He’s suffering. Lance —” he falters. “Dude, you walked into that one. Sorry.”
Lance will concede to that point. He kind of set his own trap. But still, he’s having a crisis, Pidge as his best friend should be going easy on him, so he sticks his tongue out at her.
“I just — ugh.” He takes a moment to fluff his pillows back up before falling backwards on them and throwing a hand over his face. This is a ridiculous thing to be so bothered by, and he knows it, but he is. Bothered by it, that is. He hasn’t been this lost since the first year they were in space.
“Lance,” Hunk says gently, startling him. “It’s August, dude. Keith’s birthday is two months away. You really, truly, do not need to be stressing about it.”
Lance’s eyes trace the long-faded glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling. His gazes unfocuses on the red-orange star that represents Pollux, which has always been his favourite.
“This will be the first time I’ve seen him in months,” Lance says quietly. “I want him —” he swallows. The dryness of his throat makes his voice scratchy. “I want to be perfect.”
It. He had meant to say, I want it to be perfect. Because that’s what he wants — he wants Keith to get here safely and actually be able to stay this time and nothing to go wrong and him to celebrate his birthday surrounded by his loved ones, his friends and family. And — Lance. Wants to be there. Also.
He swallows again. It’s harder this time.
“He’s going to love anything you give him,” Pidge says, uncharacteristically soft. “You know he’s just going to be glad to see you upright and in one piece.”
Lance winces and the strained quality of her voice, the sudden darkness in Hunk’s expression. He knows he’s the cause of it.
It was hard on the team, his death.
He knows it was. That’s why he never talks about it. (They were never supposed to even know about it. When Lance’s soul was yanked back into his body and Allura gasped in relief and hugged him to her chest and sobbed out, I thought I was too late, Lance clamped his mouth shut and kept it that way. When he had rare moments on their long trip home where the adrenaline began to fade and he felt his heart begin to slow, he picked fights. He ran sims. He made stupid decisions. He kept his body distracted and his mind wound so tightly around Red’s that there was no chance for it to slip, to remember what had happened to him, to fade back into that dark and silent place. He kept his mouth shut and kept his quintessence dragged up to the highest level he could bring it.
And when they defeated Sendak, and they had to sacrifice their lions or sacrifice their friend, Lance’s hands shook and he made the obvious choice. And he doesn’t know what happened, when the adrenaline finally faded and the one thing keeping him tethered to their plane disappeared, but he knows when his soul was yanked back into his body, permanently this time, his friends wouldn’t answer his questions or let him out of their sight and all of them had the same haunted look to their eyes. He has never had the strength to ask. But he has been careful with himself, since. He covers his Altean marks — a testament of how much Allura gave of herself to keep him alive — and keeps his feet planted on Earth and out of danger and knows that he owes it to them to keep himself safe.)
“Well, anything I could give him would be better than what you got him last year,” Lance says loudly, beating back the oppressive silence that has fallen over them. It works — Pidge scowls at him, remembering the plant she had got him that had turned out to be highly toxic to any Galra. Hunk snickers at the memory of the bright blue hives that had covered Keith’s skin for weeks.
“How was I to know?” Pidge cries. Hunk and Lance’s increasing laughter only seems to make her angrier “He — ugh! It doesn’t matter, anyway, because you handmade him a leather sheath for his knife so he wasn’t looking at what I was giving him anyway! Shut up! Ugh!”
“It’s true,” Hunk agrees, chuckling. “We should make you gift stuff last. It’s not fair and makes everyone else look bad. He couldn’t take his eyes off that sheath, last year. He still wears it every day.”
Pidge mutters something in her hand that sounds suspiciously like “he couldn’t take his eyes off of someone,” so Lance ignores her in favour of whining again.
“Yeah, well, there’s no point this year because I’ve got nothing. I started making that sheath in June. I started making his jacket from two years ago in March. But this year I didn’t have any ideas and now I don’t have the time, even if I do come up with something. ” He sighs, defeated. “It sucks. I’ve hardly seen him outside of a computer screen and I’m only going to see him less, and I can’t even give him something to remember me by.”
“You’re talking like you’re never going to see him again,” Pidge points out. “There would be way less pressure if you just — saw him more, dude.”
Lance scoffs. “Yeah, right. Lemme just pack up and run off to space with him. Boom, all problems solved.”
He blinks.
He sits up so fast he very nearly brains himself on his bed frame.
“Holy shit,” he whispers. He looks over at his friends, who are smiling widely. His heart pounds.
Holy shit.
“I gotta go,” he shouts, scrambling to grab his laptop.
“Goodbye, Lance,” Hunk says, rolling his eyes fondly.
Pidge makes a crude gesture at him because she’s the worst. “Bye, gay pining loser!”
He slams the laptop lid shut and holds it tightly to his chest. Everything, finally, starts to click into place — Lance smiles; small at first, but quickly his mouth spreads so wide his cheeks ache, and his eyes practically squish shut.
He knows what to do.
———
On the morning of October 23rd, he is stressing.
“You’re embarrassing,” calls Allura, from where she‘s been lazing on the couch and eating pineapples for the last three days.
“I regret asking for your help,” Lance grunts, struggling to lift a sack of flour. He side eyes her. “Especially because you’re supposed to be helping, Miss Superstrength.”
Allura snorts, shoving another chunk of pineapple in her mouth. “I am helping. If I wasn’t here you would have talked yourself out of this several times over. You’re welcome!”
“Ugh,” Lance says, because she’s right and he knows it. “I’m not letting you lick the spoon.”
“What? Hey!”
He does let her lick the spoon. Because he has no discipline. But to her eternal credit she does actually help, too, and in more ways than just picking him up and physically shaking him out of his many freak outs, and he has a lot of them.
He’s been planning this for weeks. There are so many aspects, so many moving parts, that it’s just — stressful. Trying to put together a party that balances all the people who want to come together and celebrate Keith’s 25th with every single time constraint and restoration effort and even Keith’s own discomfort with too much fanfare is…a lot. Plus all the actual stuff that goes into hosting people at a party — Lance absolutely would not be able to do any of this without Allura’s help. She is, after all, his best friend, even though she drives him crazy and always has, in more ways than one.
At eleven thirty, when all the (tasteful, despite what his siblings had insisted was too boring) decorations have been set up and most of the food has been prepared, Allura clasps her palms to his cheeks and says, “Lance, breathe.”
Lance looks at her with wide eyes and says, “I’m cancelling everything.”
“You’re not.”
“I am. I can’t do this. What was I thinking? This is — cringe. Ridiculous.” His chest shakes on an inhale. “What was I thinking, ‘Llura?”
She hums thoughtfully. Her thumbs trace his cheekbones, wiping away the makeup that covers his Altean marks, making Lance twitch but not move.
“You were thinking,” she says quietly, “about how long it has been since everyone has been on the same planet.”
He swallows. “Yeah.”
“And how much we have all missed each other.
His shaking hands come up to grip her wrists, breath shuddering as he exhales.
“Yes.”
“And. Maybe. How much you miss Keith.” She pulls her hands away from his face and wraps them around his hands. “How much you miss the stars, even.”
“I’m scared,” he admits.
She squeezes his hands. “When has that stopped you?”
———
It’s three thirty and there’s still no sign of Keith.
Shiro and the rest of the Atlas crew, including Hunk and Veronica, arrived arrived sometime around one. The Holts came in right on their heels. Kolivan, Krolia, and a few other Blades Keith has kept up with over the years showed up a few hours ago. Lance’s family has been here the whole time, and Coran and Romelle came with Allura. Everyone that Lance had invited to come is here.
Except the one person Lance actually wants to come.
“Lance,” Shiro greets, somehow sensing his anxiety like the guru goody goody he is and popping up next to him.
Lance smiles anyway. He’s missed him too much to do anything else — he hasn’t seen anyone on the Atlas since their last restock, ten weeks ago.
“Hey, Shiro.”
“You freaking out?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. I’d be shocked if you weren’t, you walking Xanax advertisement.”
That startles a laugh out of Lance, and he shoves him, grateful for the distraction. Shiro grins wide and throws an arm around him, guiding him away from the front door — where he’s been biting his nails and staring at the sky in anxious hope for the last twenty minutes — and back to the rest of the party, ducking under flailing limbs and the random football that someone has brought out for some reason (Marco, probably).
“He’s gonna come, you know. He’s been excited about it since you invited him. I have received no less than nine hundred and twenty-two texts about it. It’s all very sweet and embarrassing. He’s coming, Lance.”
Lance huffs. “Unless he’s dead or maimed somewhere. I did some quick stat evals and there’s at 37% chance he was attacked on the flight to Earth and is bleeding out as we speak.”
Shiro stops them. He blinks at Lance several times. He sighs.
“You actually need to see a psychiatrist. Genuinely.”
“Nah.”
Shiro flicks him on the forehead, but the fond smile stays affixed to his face. Soon Lance finds himself relaxing, tucked under Shiro’s arm. He’s probably right — he usually is. Keith is chronically late, just as a person. Lance even told him the party started at ten just to make it more likely that he’d show up before everyone left. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be places — he just struggles with the concept of time passing, and also gets distracted a lot. (There are a lot of people who need Keith’s help, after all, and he’s a bleeding heart if Lance has ever known one. All humans are wired to respond to calls for help, but Keith seems almost attuned to them. If Lance thinks about his crooked smile and kind eyes for too long he gets physically nauseous.)
As Lance’s watch ticks its way to four o’clock, a light streaks across the sky, and before Lance knows what he’s doing he ducks under Shiro’s arm and starts running. He flings open the back gate and slides down the sandy hills, barely managing not to trip on rocks and pits in the sand where children have dug little pools. He doesn’t bother to slow as the aircraft makes its fiery descent, confident the pilot will not hit him, and by the time he makes it across the beach his bare feet burn and he’s stepped on a sharp shell and lost his jacket somewhere near the house. But it doesn’t matter, because the craft lands and seconds later the door flings open and Keith comes sprinting out, still clad in armour, hair long and thick and braided back, and he runs at Lance at full speed and they collide at the top of a sand dune and Lance leaps into his arms and Keith loses his balance and they go tumbling down, laughing, Keith’s hand on his waist and Lance’s fingers clutching tightly at his shoulders.
“You made it!” Lance shouts, smile wider than he ever thought capable.
Keith laughs again, full-bodied and relieved, crooked incisors on full display and long neck pulled back as his head rests on the ground.
“I know! I’m late, I’m sorry, I lost track of time and —”
“You always lose track of time,” Lance says warmly. He traces a strand of hair that has loosened from Keith’s braid, brushing it off his forehead and tucking it behind his ear. He stays where he is, half-pinning Keith into the sand, knees on either side of him, re-memorizing the curve of his grin and the indigo of his eyes and the scars on his face and the softness of his gaze. Suddenly his chest aches, painful in the best possible way, and his stomach pits and swirls and butterflies flutter wildly in his abdomen. Heat zaps up his veins and sparks through his arteries. The slowly setting mid-autumn sun casts golden light on Keith’s face and Lance is reminded, again, how breathtaking things are outside of Earth.
“Happy birthday,” he breathes, choking on the words.
Keith’s eyes crinkle. His hand comes up to cup his cheek, thumb pressing gently on the gold Altean marks. They curve perfectly around the shape of his fingerprint.
“I missed you, Bluebell.”
Someone huffs. “Yeah, and he nearly killed us trying to get here. Some kind of leader you are, Captain.”
Keith flushes, gently pushing Lance up so he can get up and glare at Ezor properly. “We were fine!”
“We crossed nine hundred million lightyears in two days!”
“I took a shortcut!”
“Through weblum mating grounds!”
Lance punches his friend in the shoulder. Keith pouts at him, wounded.
“You flew through weblum mating grounds?!”
“It was fine!” Keith defends. “It wasn’t even an issue!”
Acxa scoffs incredulously. “We were chased by fourteen weblums at once, Kogane.”
“But did you die?”
All three of Keith’s crew roll their eyes. Keith crosses his arms smugly. Lance loves him so fiercely that it hurts.
“Keith!”
With what Lance can only call divine instinct, he has enough forethought to throw himself out of the way before a five foot nothing blur throws herself at Keith’s person and sends them both crashing to the ground, significantly more painfully that Keith and Lance’s whole thing. Keith groans loudly, but Pidge doesn’t even give him half a second to complain, dragging him back upright and hugging him properly. Keith, softie that he is, hugs her back immediately, smiling into her hair.
“Hey, Pidge.”
“Happy birthday, loser! Birthday beats!”
She, immediately, starts to let him have it, impervious to Keith’s yelps. He attempts to squirm away, but Zethrid, lover of violence and also loud supporter of Pidge in general, firmly clamps onto his shoulder to allow Pidge to assault him in peace.
“That was twenty-six!” he says in outrage when she finishes.
She smiles pleasantly. “You were late.”
Hunk, thankfully, chooses that moment to jog over, carrying an ice pack because he’s an angel and also a genius.
“Figured Pidge would come in fists swinging,” he jokes, leaning down to hug Keith tightly. “Happy birthday, man. It’s been too long.”
“It’s been two weeks,” Keith protests, but he looks like he agrees.
It doesn’t take long for the rest of the party to flock over, despite the fact that it would be much easier for everyone to just wait for Keith to walk over to them. Lance isn’t surprised — it’s not like he could wait, after all. When Keith is around, people gather. Such is the way of the world.
He smiles at the crowd of Keith’s loved ones, and especially at the bewilderment on his face. It’s been years, but Lance knows that he still gets surprised when he’s reminded how big his family has gotten. It’s nice to see that reminder written all over his face. He edges out of the smattering of people and starts to head back to the house, figuring he might as well start setting up the table to get dinner started now that Keith’s here. Most of it is already cooked and keeping warm in the oven, but he figured it would be best to wait until everyone was ready to —
“Hey, Lance, wait up.”
He startles when a hand wraps its way around his wrist, relaxing when he recognises the calloused fingers and leather-covered palm. Keith jogs over the rest of the way now that he has Lance stopped, falling into step next to him.
“What’re you doing?” Lance asks, looking at him urgently. “Go say hi to everyone!”
Keith shrugs. “I’ll get there.” He flashes another smile at Lance and it’s crooked and familiar and Lance is weak in the knees. “I started an argument about human versus Altean time measuring systems. Everyone is now picking sides. They won’t notice I’m gone for the next ten minutes at least. I’m all yours, Sharpshooter.”
Lance resists the urge to bury himself in the sand and die of mortification. There’s actually no physical reason for Keith to look the way that he does. It’s — too much. The smouldering eyes and sturdy shoulders are one thing, but with the whole — grin and hair and wide hands and fucking — everything else; it’s too much. It’s a lot. Keith should maybe — wear a mask, or something. Or a hood. Or be more of a klutz, just so he’s humbled slightly.
“Oh,” Lance croaks, trying desperately not to focus on the way Keith’s hand is still holding onto Lance. “That’s — cool.”
“Cool.”
“Cool.”
Blue, Red, if your spirits are still kicking around somewhere, send help, he prays at the heavens.
Apparently they are, because the heavens do indeed provide.
The air in front of the sparks and warps, flashing blue so bright Lance had to squeeze his eyes shut. He hears a loud bark, and opens his eyes again just in time to catch the ball of fur and floof that throws himself into his arms.
“Kosmo!” he cries, pulling away from Keith in his haste to hug the space-wolf tightly. Kosmo yips in delight, covering Lance’s face in dog slobber as he wiggles around in excitement. “Oh, buddy, I was wondering where you were! Mwah! Mwah mwah mwah!”
“He saw the crowd on the descent and got nervous,” Keith explains, scratching Kosmo’s fur fondly. “He was hiding in the back, huh, buddy?”
“Like father like son,” Lance teases. He adjusts the big dog into his arms so he’s half on his shoulders, panting right next to his ear and giving him gross slobbery kisses every three seconds.
“I do not hide from crowds,” Keith huffs. “And he can walk, Lance. Don’t baby him. He’s always spoiled after he hangs out with you.”
“You do so. And of course I spoil the little baby!” Lance coos, scratching under his chin. Kosmo howls in excitement, tail thumping hard against Lance’s hip. “Who’s the bestest boy? Who is my favourite in the whole big universe? It’s you! Yes, Kosmo-baby, it’s you! Good boy!”
“He’s not your favourite,” Keith grumps.
“Yes he is! Oh, yes he is!”
He coos over Kosmo for the whole walk back to the house, only setting him down when they make their way to the kitchen. Keith grabs the dog gently under the ear when he finally stands on his own, bending down to look him straight in the eyes.
“Kosmo,” he says quietly, angling himself slightly away from Lance, “remember what we Talked About.” He stares at the wolf for several moments. “You know. About the — thing.”
Amazingly, the dog seems to bark in understand. Keith nods in satisfaction, patting him on the head. “Good. Go do.” With a poof Kosmo disappears again, leaving just the two of them in the kitchen.
Lance pouts. “Aw. I wanted to spend more time with him. I haven’t seen him in months.”
Keith looks affronted. “You haven’t seen me in months!”
Lance turns away to hide his smile, busying himself with the food. “Eh.” He waves an oven-mitt-clad hand dismissively. “I text you all the time.
“You’re a bully,” Keith pouts. “You’re being mean to me on my birthday.”
“At the party I put together for you, dweeb. Don’t you pout at me.”
In response, Keith inserts himself into Lance with the guise of helping him plate and pouts harder.
“Bully,” he emphasizes.
Lance flicks him on the nose. Keith catches his hand and holds it hostage between two of his, rubbing his thumb along the bump of Lance’s wrist. Lance considers screaming.
“Help or get out of my kitchen,” he manages instead.
Smirking, Keith does, loading garlic knots onto a plate and stealing several, thinking he’s slick. He’s not — Lance notices, but it’s Keith’s birthday and Lance also ate like six already, so he lets it slide.
They have everything ready to go in under five minutes, loading up as much as they can carry and heading outside to set it all out. Everyone else is back by the time they get there, and Hunk and Shiro scramble to come help set up. Very quickly the party is in full swing, people eating and laughing and wishing Keith a thousand happy birthdays. Keith has always claimed to hate attention and crowds, but he’s — glowing, really. His smile doesn’t leave his face. Maybe it’s that he’s older and maybe it’s that he knows everyone. But more likely it’s the easy confidence that’s grown in him over the years, sprouting from the knowledge that he is good and he is kind and he is loved, and trusting everyone who assures him this is true. Lance remembers when he hunched his shoulders and scowled at anyone who looked at him too long. Now he smiles when someone calls his name.
There’s no rhyme or reason to the party. Lance had attempted to plan it, but given up quickly — he knows his people. They’ll flutter around something until inspiration hits and they’ll flutter around something else. The only constant has been food and loading Kosmo up with affection.
As the sun begins its journey below the horizon, someone — Adam — forces Keith into a random lawnchair and says, “Open your gifts, gremlin.”
Immediately, everyone else clambers to grab their gifts and gather around, ignoring Keith’s protests of “I’m twenty-five goddamn years old, I don’t need gifts, you people waste your time and money —” and arguing over who goes first.
Adam goes first. Obviously.
Despite Keith’s grumbling, he’s very obviously touched. He gets a range of things, from a fancy knife from his mother (again) to a framed photo from Shiro, with he and Adam grinning widely at a camera as a young Keith snores in Shiro’s lap. Keith starts bawling some time around gift number three and never really stops. Lance tries to hand him tissues, but after he uses up an entire box decides to let him be a big emotional dork in piece.
“Is this a crystal from the first Balmera we ever visited,” Keith sobs.
Hunk smiles, amused. “It is.”
He makes his way over to Keith’s lawn chair and hugs him tightly for several minutes, muttering something and pressing dozens of kisses into his hair. Keith holds him tightly. Lance himself cries on several occasions, but he’s not alone.
“I just love everyone so much,” Keith blubbers.
“Here we go,” teases Allura, but she’s the one to shoo everyone out of his space to give him a break. “Take a few minutes, darling. Gather yourself. Let me know when you’re up for company again.”
Keith nods at her gratefully. Kosmo makes his way onto Keith’s lap and plants himself there, curling up and laying his head on Keith’s knees. Lance sits on the lawn chair next to Keith, offering him a glass of water that he accepts gratefully.
“I do this every year,” Keith laments, attempting to dry his eyes.
Lance pats him delicately on the hand. “Don’t worry. It’s charming.”
Keith sniffles. “It’s embarrassing.”
“Yes.”
Lance is the only one who hasn’t given Keith his present. Well, and Allura, technically, since she’s part of it. Part of him wants to do it now, get it over with. He even finds the words for it, but then Pidge hollers something about cake, and Keith, who has the biggest sweet tooth in the entire universe, brightens, looking at Lance hopefully, and Lance swallows it down.
“Go sit at the table,” Lance orders. “I’m doing candles and you’re blowing them out.”
“That’s babyish,” Keith protests stubbornly.
“No candles, no cake.”
“Ugh.”
Keith gets up and goes to sit at the table, Kosmo pattering after him.
Smiling to himself, cheeks redder than he would like, Lance ducks back into the kitchen, digging around the cupboards for the candles he bought the other day and carefully pulling the cake out of the fridge.
It’s chocolate-chocolate-chocolate-chocolate. Quadruple chocolate. It’s chocolate cake with chocolate custard and chocolate frosting covered in chocolate decorations. What it is is sugar on a platter, and Keith will devour it. Lance spent more hours than he’s willing to admit on making it. If anyone questions him even a little he is going to die on the spot.
He carefully sticks twenty six candles — one for wishing — on the top of the cake, lighting twenty-five of them. Everyone is already sat down by the time he walks back outside, and the second Coran sees them he starts singing loudly, and everyone else is quick to join in. As much as Keith tries to roll his eyes about the truly startling amount of flame on his cake, nothing he can do can hide the obvious excitement that lights up his face upon sight of the chocolate monstrosity. He takes a deep breath and blows out the candles when the song ends, extinguishing all but one. Immediatey, a ripple of teasing snickers and ooooooou’s fill the air.
“One candle left! You’re gonna get a boyfriend this year!” Pidge shouts, looking directly at Lance.
Both Keith and Lance flush up to their foreheads.
“Cut the cake!” Allura shouts, because she is a true ally and Lance loves her.
Grateful for the distraction, Lance does, nudging Keith out of the way when he tries.
“If you cut the cake then you can’t get the first slice, dorkbrain. Sit down. Let me.”
He does let Lance cut the cake, which makes Lance feel touched for some reason. God, Shiro is right. He needs a psychiatrist. He hates it when Shiro is right.
He’s very smug to receive dozens of compliments on his cake, highest of all from Keith, who scarfs down his first piece in literal seconds (thirty seven, to be exact). He has several more. There will be no leftovers.
But Lance knew that.
It doesn’t take long for people to start milling about again; finishing their dessert and picking at the various fruit trays and chatting and watching the last rays of sun disappear. Lance twitches nervously, stealing glances at Keith, until Allura walks up to him, pinches him on the shoulder, and says, “Get your quiznak together.”
And Lance grumbles, “Yeesh, woman. Alright,” and forces himself to walk over to Keith, who is spinning some hugely exaggerated story to Nadia and Sylvio.
“Children,” Lance says when Keith finally takes a breath, “Tío Lance has to talk to Keith about boring adult things. Go harass your Tío Marco, it will be fun.”
“Quieres tiempo a solas con tu nooooooovioooooo,” the twins singsong in unison, and then run away cackling. Lance flushes bright red and considers pelting strawberries at them like the little shits deserve.
“What was that?” Keith asks, bewildered.
“Probable cause,” Lance mutters darkly.
Keith snorts. “Please don’t murder your niblings.”
“That’ll be my gift to you. Not committing homicide on your birthday.” He scratches the back of his neck. “Well, not really.”
Keith raises his eyebrows. “You mean…” He gestures vaguely at everything. “This isn’t already my gift?”
Lance shrugs.
“Lance, come on! This is more than enough. It must have taken you weeks to prepare.” He shakes his head, looking at Lance with soft, kind eyes. “You always do so much for me.”
Lance shudders, weak under Keith’s gaze.
“I like to.” He pauses. “I miss you. Always. It — fills the time, to do things for you.”
Keith reaches up and brushes some sand from Lance’s hair. He lingers, after, tracing his fingers along the shell of his ear, resting his hand against Lance’s neck. Lance closes his eyes, leaning into it, letting himself have this affection he’s craved like nothing else for months.
“I miss you, too. Constantly. Sometimes you’re all I think about, up there.” He sighs, and Lance can hear the tired, enticing smile on his face. “Wish you were watching my back again, Sharpshooter. No one else does it quite like you.”
Lance forces his eyes open again, although he can’t bring himself to meet Keith’s eyes. He traces the crooked line of his nose, instead, the tilt of his thick brows.
“You going back tonight?”
“Nah, I’ll stay a couple days. I’ve got nothing pressing for another week.”
“Oh, thank God.”
Tell him. Tell him. Tell him, chants the Allura that lives in his head.
Give me a goddamn second, he snaps back at it.
“Uh, Allura and I have been. Working. On a project.”
Keith tilts his head. “Oh?”
“Yeah, she’s here a lot. Obviously.” He gestures to his Altean marks, which he has just remembered are uncovered. He’s fine — all systems are running and he is a-okay. But his situation was a little different than Shiro’s. A little more Frankenstein. Lance depends on quintessence heavier than anyone else — he’s probably fine to make his own and live his life, but…he’s always struggled with depression. And Allura worries. So she wormholes to Earth regularly to hang out and make sure he’s not too low.
They have a lot of time to scheme, the Blue Paladins of Voltron.
“Obviously,” Keith agrees. Unlike everyone else, he doesn’t avoid looking at his marks; doesn’t wince when he’s reminded of them. The only change in his eyes is a look of determination, a renewed intensity in which he watches Lance. It’s a little bit intoxicating.
“I love Earth,” Lance says quietly. “It will always be my home. I will always want to come back here. I want to die here.” He finally meets Keith’s eyes. “But.”
Keith’s eyes are wide. The hand still resting on the curve of Lance’s neck twitches, slightly.
“But?” he asks, breathless.
“I’ve been helping her organize plans for a castleship. A little smaller than the old one, but — you know. Similar. It’s something to do. I’ll feel better knowing you guys are together, up there, fighting as a team together. There’s the Atlas, but it’s not the same. It’s not Voltron.”
“Oh.” Some of the excitement dims from Keith’s expression, although he takes great care to keep the smile firmly on his face. “That’s great, Lance. I miss the castle too. It’ll be a little more stable, and missions will —”
“And I’m coming with you,” Lance blurts.
Keith freezes.
“To space. Permanently. Um, mostly. I still want to come back to Earth and see my mom and everybody but you know. I miss everybody. I’m lonely. And being a farmer is actually super duper boring. No offense to farmers, but I want to shoot shit again. I even miss training, which is crazy, because I hate training —”
“Lance,” Keith says, and Lance says “Yeah?” and then he’s being pulled forward and Keith’s other hand comes to rest on his hip and he is being kissed.
“Oh,” he breathes, eyes fluttering shut and words fading from his brain. His hands slide into Keith’s hair without his conscious thought, and he tilts his head and lets Keith devour him as the butterflies storm in his stomach and kisses Keith back like he will get all the breath he needs from Keith’s lungs. His head spins and his knees go weak and Keith smells like pine and sandalwood and his lips are chapped and his hands are calloused and it’s the most wonderfully strange mix of foreign and familiar, bexause Lance knows all these things, but he has never known them in this way.
“Finally!” someone shouts, and soon there are wolf whistles and catcalls and Keith’s smile is pressed against his and Lance can feel the press of his crooked incisors against his bottom lip and he could live off the sensation.
“Happy birthday,” he whispers, half-drowned out by the noise of their teasing friends.
“Exactly as I wished it to be,” Keith whispers back, and then kisses him again and again and again.
390 notes · View notes
probablyhuntersmom · 1 year
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The contrast is so poignant when it comes to Belos isolating Hunter for years and instilling the fear of wild magic, versus Hunter's future in carving palismen to connect with nature and with others.
We have his signature gloves as part of all his outfits before he went to the human realm, representative of that isolation and fear: Belos wanting to keep 'Caleb' to himself, wanting to prevent Hunter from forging connections and thus finding freedom. The gloves come off once Hunter has room to create and experiment and explore.
During the many many months in between him beginning to learn the palismen-carving craft and us seeing him mastering it in the epilogue, there would've been many setbacks. Many cuts and splinters via mistakes (thus, more wounds and scars...small, but numerous) and bandages on his hands, like what happened with the sewing needle. Thus, many times when he was reminded of what happened with his best friend. I can imagine that on the more difficult days of learning under Dell, remorse and horrible memories eating into him, he'd be more at risk of leaving more cuts because it would be harder to focus. There would've been days where he got close to giving up.
In his arc, this changed everything:
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He was found by a free-spirited, strong-willed palisman.
This was when things began to be truly dangerous:
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but by then he gathered enough courage to finally question Belos directly.
What a high price to pay. Recovery from trauma is certainly that way in real life too. But it led him on that path towards transformation, towards what he truly wanted.
In his old life, he'd point a staff at others to intimidate, to instill fear, and be Belos's instrument in furthering a cause that Hunter didn't truly support.
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In the future, he generously gives palismen to others from the heart, via new creations made with his own hands, to bring more love, connection and wonder into the world. Letting others live out their truth via the bonds forged with their new palismen, the same kind of truth he himself had to fight so hard for.
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If we rewind back to what the Bat Queen said in Hunting Palismen:
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contrast that with this point in Hunter's arc:
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Still blocked and numbed out from fully experiencing the worst thing he had ever been through: being possessed and in that process, slaying Flapjack.
Willow and Gus had just began to reach that vulnerability within him, moving him with their love and support (which is why the anger he had for around 2/3 of For the Future began to subside).
But it wasn't enough.
In the finale, he gets some temporary respite and relief:
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But I believe the real gruelling work was to begin beyond this exact point:
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More vulnerability ahead, to pave the way for healing.
Putting the scene of him looking at the old Flyer Derby photo (in For the Future) next to the scene where the Bat Queen sums up what palismen are all about...it indicates to me how steep the climb would be to connect with the full range of his emotions and memories, which parallels his development under Dell's mentorship. To bring some beauty out of that horror he has endured. To bring about the conviction that yes, he deserved Flapjack's gift, from Flapjack's sacrifice.
It would've been years before he would confidently and effortlessly rest in the truth of who he really is, and who he would like to be (remember his "Even if I'm not who I'm supposed to be, I like who I am right now" in front of the mirror, right before getting possessed?).
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Liberating himself from enmeshment with his violent abuser and that old life, a process he'd have to repeat again and again even beyond Belos's death. Changing that narrative of "supposed to":
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into freely choosing the person he would like to become after Flapjack granted him love and literal life. We receive the one clue that he wanted to freely choose, as early as this scene:
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When it comes to palismen, we have "emotion" and "conviction" and also the deepest wishes that witches have in their hearts.
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For emotion to flow freely, there must be vulnerability, generosity and love: Hunter integrating even the most difficult emotions into his story.
For him to grow into acceptance of his future major role, it would have involved wrestling with many questions to reach that place of conviction.
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banjjakz · 6 months
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serial bereavement ; yuuta x gn/f!reader
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Every first Thursday for the past six months, without fail, a single plot of ashes has been unlawfully exhumed from the cemetery behind Joenji Temple.
Or: As a rookie hire, you are partnered with Investigations Section 1 Officer Okkotsu Yuuta to investigate a law-defying, bone-chilling, uniquely disturbing case of obsessive love that threatens to shut down the entirety of Shinjuku.
part i. word count: 5.2k
warnings: rating & warnings WILL change; part i of iii; reader is referred to with she/her pronouns & has a vagina & breasts, but is never addressed with gendered titles [e.g.: "ms.," "lady," etc.]; eventual smut that is dubcon at best; horror-romance, in that order; themes of psychosexual horror; side satosugu [non-essential to plot]; i cannot overstate how abnormal this one is, even for me
the content of this fictional work is inspired by the video game "collar x malice" which belongs to the original rightful owners. i do not own or claim to own the rights to the collar x malice franchise. this written work does not represent the intentions, actions, or thoughts of any of the creators/owners of the "collar x malice" franchise.
‪♡‬ read on ao3 ‪♡‬
likes♡ / reblogs ↻ appreciated!
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Every first Thursday for the past six months, without fail, a single plot of ashes has been unlawfully exhumed from the cemetery behind Joenji Temple.
The first incident was thought to be a freak accident, one of those strange, wild card crimes that confound local police and commandeer national attention. Pictures of the desecrated grave ravaged internet forums for weeks thereafter, sending chills down the backs of even the most stoutly atheist Japanese youth. An already horrific occurrence worsened all the more with the repeated presence of a seemingly random signature: there, at the bottom of the grave, in the very deepest point of the aged, black soil, laid a folded handwritten note. Upon unfurling the crisp creases, the Shinjuku Police Force Special Crimes Unit discovered that these were actually letters.
Love letters, to be exact.
Presumably penned by the perp, the characters were neat and clean – almost feminine in nature. So strong was the desire imbued into these letters that it seemed as though each individual brush stroke contained one thousand sonnets of unceasing, burning ardor. Clearly, the perpetrator yearned for the attention of their beloved.
That they would go to great lengths – immoral lengths, even – for just a three-minute story on the evening news, all so that their beloved might idly overhear the report as they prepare their dinner, idly chopping radishes to the soundtrack of a violent confession woefully fallen upon their deaf ears…
Well. It makes you squirm. You suppose that’s the point.
As a fresh-faced rookie of the Special Regions Crime Prevention Office, this is your first time on the job in the midst of such a sensational case. At first, your department was unsure how to label these crimes: neither killings nor injuries were incurred, and yet, the spiritual damage effected by the robbing of a Buddhist shrine’s graveyard was somehow worse than any brutal homicide. Eventually, the commissioner labeled these incidents as “Serial Bereavements” out of respect to the families whose deceased loved ones had been wrongfully removed from their final resting place.
After the first offense, local news stations reported the anomalous crime with a sick sort of fascination. Lovesickness was no foreigner in Japan, and although many screwed their faces up at the morbid displays of affection, so too did just as many turn up the volume on their televisions and lean just a few centimeters closer, eyes glazed with blue light, horror, mortification, and arousal.
After the second and third offenses, it was obvious that a pattern was beginning to emerge. Both incidents occurred on the first Thursday of the month, and both incidents were signed with the same achingly forlorn pages of desperation. In fear of exacerbating the perpetrator, or inspiring copycats, news stations and publications were not permitted to release the contents of the letters.
After the fourth offense, protests began to congregate outside of the Shinjuku Police Station, demanding an immediate and swift correction of the police’s incompetency in addressing the issue. When the first set of ashes had been disturbed, cherry blossoms still clung to the trees. By this time it was July, and the harsh glare of the summer sun beat unrelentingly upon the earth, as though reprimanding its inhabitants.
After the fifth offense, a special curfew was instated for all residents of the Shinjuku ward. No persons for any reason were to be out past eleven o’clock at night. This was punishable by immediate apprehension for questioning. The law was martial, but the law was necessary. Or so the commissioner claimed.
After the sixth offense, the police began looking inwardly, suspecting members of its own ranks. There was no possible way that a civilian could have been able to penetrate the immense security measures installed to secure the Joenji cemetery. Ropes and ropes of caution tape, nearly 24/7 surveillance, and daily K-9 rounds were still not enough to halt the perpetrator in their tracks. This could only mean one thing:
An inside job.
“Scary,” shivers Ieiri, mockingly, lips curled in a sardonic smirk around the length of her unlit cigarette. “You hear they think it’s one of us?”
You regularly have lunch with Ieiri Shoko, director of the Forensics department. She is as caustic as she is jaded, having served in an underrecognized role for far too long, wasting her prolific talents in an obscure government position with little excitement – save for, of course, highly-charged periods of reoccurring atrocities, such as the current case of the Serial Bereavements.
“Don’t even joke. We should be taking this seriously…”
The cooling September breeze has you huddling into your knees a little further. Enjoying lunch on the rooftop was a treat while it was still summer. But now, September has just torn a new page in your calendar and has brought with it an uncharacteristically crisp cold snap. It is Tuesday, the second.
“I’m sooooo serious,” Ieiri says after taking a rather dramatically prolonged drag from the now-lit cig. “Couldn’t be any more serious. Brr.”
Usually, Ieiri’s dry humor is an effective, if transient, salve to your ever-festering anxiety. But today is an exception.
“Please, just think about it for a second... To think that any one of the people we work with every day could be committing such heinous crimes…and for a romantic obsession, no less…it doesn’t frighten you?”
Ieiri exhales smoke, puffing lazily like a sated dragon draped over its hoard. “Nah. I seriously doubt anyone in our ward has the balls.”
Her vulgarity makes you blush. You’ve always been easy to fluster. “Ieiri-san!”
“How many times have I told you to just call me by my first name… jeez.” She ruffles your hair without even an ounce of care for how it makes you groan in consternation. “Too polite for your own good. Someone is going to take advantage of that, one day. And then where will you be? Calling for Ieiri-san to come save you?”
Somewhere, she’s strayed from the path of lighthearted teasing. You still under the weight of her calloused palm, peering curiously up at her through your lashes. “Um…well…”
And as soon as her touch had manifested upon you, just as quickly is it yanked away. “Anyways, call me whatever you like. Not like it matters, anyway.”
“I guess not…”
The rest of your lunch is finished in an unstable silence. Her final, rhetorical question rolls around in your mind, impressing itself upon your malleable brain tissue: Calling for Ieiri-san to save you?
But when would you need saving?
You’re a police officer, after all. You can take care of yourself.
If you couldn’t, why would you serve as an officer in the first place?
;
On the following Monday – the third of September – the director of the Investigations Unit summons you to the fifth floor.
After a polite (terrified) bow, you enter Investigations HQ. “Hello.” Please do not fire me. Please do not transfer me. Please do not publicly reprimand me. Please do not—
“Ah, thank you for coming. Wow, what a deep bow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a perfectly geometrical ninety degrees.”
Face burning, you avert your gaze to the marble floor. “Ummm…”
You’ve heard that the chief of Investigations, Gojo Satoru was an eccentric fellow, passing in and out as he pleased through the station, hanging off of the director like a second skin. It should come as no surprise that he is here to greet you, today. And yet, still does your thin skin prickle with humiliation, with shame.
Geto Suguru, director of Investigations, cuts in before his partner can continue. “Leave her alone, Satoru. She’s shaking. Are you doing alright today, officer?”
Embarrassed, you nod. Great. It hasn’t even been a full sixty seconds and you’re already embarrassing yourself in front of your superiors.
“Alright, alright. I’ll lay off. Only ‘cuz you asked, though! Hehe.”
“I’ve summoned you today to invite you to join a special taskforce,” Geto continues, unperturbed by Gojo’s wily eyebrow wiggles. “This taskforce will use unique means to investigate the Joenji Serial Bereavements.”
Your blood is paralyzed in your veins, cowed by the enormity of this proposal. “Sir…?”
“In the short amount of time since you’ve joined the Shinjuku Police Department, your conduct has been nothing but outstanding. You’re capable and damn impressive. And frankly speaking, officer, we need a fresh set of eyes on this case.”
There’s nothing else you could possibly say other than: “I would be humbled to join. Thank you.”
“Great, knew we could count on you. We’re keeping the taskforce small for confidentiality’s sake. You’ll be working with one other partner: Officer Okkotsu Yuuta from Investigations Section 1.”
That name… why do you know that name?
Then it hits you: Okkotsu Yuuta is the name whispered through the halls of the police department with awe, envy, admiration, and – occasionally – fear. He is a legendary detective with prowess in both tactical as well as strategical measures. His presence is felt rather than seen, as he is scarcely spotted within the physical walls of the department. However, what does not tangibly appear is nonetheless ever-present in whispered rumors and glamorized notoriety.
“O-Okkotsu-san…” you stammer, taken aback. “But…I’m sorry, sir. I don’t mean to question your judgement, but why have I been chosen to pair with Okkotsu-san?”
“Oh! He specifically requested—”
Gojo’s cheerful sentence is curtailed by a swift elbow to the ribs. While he recovers, Geto finishes the thought, “Okkotsu has requested to be paired with a rookie for this assignment to personally train them. Something about ‘personally ensuring the longevity of the Shinjuku police force,’ or the like. What a do-gooder, am I right?”
“Okay,” you respond, uncertain.
“Your first matter of business will be a visitation to the Joenji graveyard to look for any new leads. You leave in one hour. Okkotsu will meet you downstairs, in front of the building. Good luck!”
In a daze, you bow deeply once more. “Thank you. I will be sure to work hard.”
;
Unsure of what to expect, you linger in front of the armed entrance to the building, trying your best not to shift your weight from foot to foot in an obviously apparent display of anxiety.
It’s not that you’re the type to be starstruck! You are a sensible, no-nonsense, down-to-earth person. Celebrities have never appealed to you much, and idol culture continues to confound you.
In light of this, it’s quite difficult to explain the visceral, full-body reaction you have when you meet Officer Okkotsu Yuuta for the first time.
He is not superbly handsome. Good-looking enough to get street-casted? Sure. With some minor work, he might even be the jewel visual for an up-and-coming boy group. Young and fit, he is the picture of an officer steadily approaching the peak of their hotshot years. Plain, dark hair falls on either side of his forehead in a lopsided part, and his uniform is buttoned and put together, if only a little wrinkled. All in all, he is an average, considerably attractive young man in the Shinjuku police force.
And yet.
Eyes like pools of obsidian tether you to the spot like a spell has been cast upon your bones. Enchanted, your lips part, but no sounds slips through. The intrusive, overstimulating soundtrack of Shinjuku rush hour traffic fades to little more than background noise as your senses are held hostage by the void of quiet, negative space in the shape of a young man that stands in front of you.
His bow is deep and overly formal. He’s technically your superior… and definitely a senior-ranking officer. “A pleasure to meet you,” he announces to the concrete ground “I’m Okkotsu Yuuta, Investigations Section 1.”
“N-nice to meet you, Okkotsu-senpai. My name is—”
The cringe marring his otherwise untroubled face stops your words before his interjection is even voiced. “Ah, um. Just ‘Okkotsu’ is fine. We look to be around the same age, too, so I don’t mind. May I address you casually as well?”
Face burning, brain scrambled, you somehow remember how to speak. You give him an affirmative before pausing, perplexed. How did he know your name already?
Okkotsu specifically requested to be paired with a rookie…
Geto’s words float to the forefront of your mind, soothing your hummingbird heart. Surely, the director and chief of Investigations must have briefed Okkotsu on your file before you were cleared to accompany him on this special taskforce.
Normally, you are woefully naïve, a bumbling but well-intentioned junior officer. The unsettling nature of the Serial Bereavements have pushed you towards an edge you didn’t even know you could reach.
The thought of the assignment weighs down your fresh-faced bashfulness. Suddenly, the afternoon sun is less bright, the heat on your face concentrating into the precursor to a migraine just behind your eyes.
Okkotsu blinks once, twice. “Thank you for working with me on this case. Would you believe me if I told you that I’m a bit of a scaredy cat?”
Your eyes bug out of your head in disbelief. “Um? But you…” His reputation specifically includes the highest number of skillful takedowns, arrest totals, and successful confessions across the entire prefecture. A scaredy cat?
“I know how it looks. It would be quite embarrassing if anyone else knew… but I’m a pretty anxious person.”
With a refocused perspective, your gaze hones in on the smattering of purple bruises underneath his tired eyes which birth a cool webbing of veins sprawling down and out across his pale, gaunt face. You realize that his uniform isn’t actually wrinkled – it just hangs off of his thin frame, tucked intentionally to give off the illusion of a much bigger silhouette.
In him, you see a reflection all too similar: young, ragged, hungry, scared.
It’s not enough to set you completely at ease, but your lungs relax their hold on your bated breath, letting it go as slowly and reluctantly as a child forced to part with their favorite plush toy. “Me too,” you hum. “Um, nonetheless, I will definitely try my best to be helpful. I hope I will not slow you down Okkotsu-se—er, Okkotsu.”
“It’s not about fast or slow.” The service car pulls up and loiters at the curb where the two of you are still lingering. He opens the back door for you. This is the first time a polite young man your age has done that. You try your best to remember that you are literally at work, on the clock, about to investigate an especially morbid case.
Once ensuring you’re comfortably inside, he shuts the door and rounds the rear of the vehicle to slide into the leather seat next to you.
“What matters is that we can rely on each other. Fast or slow, we’re partners now… as long as we finish together, it doesn’t matter the pace.”
He rattles off the address to the department driver after dropping what is possibly the most insightful reassurance you have ever received in your life.
Okay. You can kind of understand why the entire department is obsessed with him.
“R-right. Thank you.”
The rest of the ride is spent in a silence two shades off from comfortable. Nothing is wrong, per se – but the both of your negative energies linger and interact with each other like animals of the same species encountering for the first time.
How odd, you think, to find someone like you, and who is unashamed – eager, even – to admit it. To embrace it.
;
The cemetery is small and would otherwise go unnoticed if not for the dramatic influx in attention following the past few months. Plain and unadorned, neatly kept, with no ostentatious monuments or memorials, as is befitting for the burial grounds behind a Buddhist temple. All in all, the scenery would be somewhat peaceful if not for the six disturbed plots of land where remains were once laid to rest.
This is your first time at the scene of the crime. Your rank is too low to justify visiting this high-profile area without clearance from a supervisor. Now that you’ve been assigned to a taskforce specifically investigating this case, it was necessary that Yuuta took you to observe the scene yourself.
Although there is a total lack of gore or rot, still does the sight of six empty graves provoke within you an acute revulsion. Perhaps it is the absence of any overt suffering, and the oppressing knowledge of the extended waves of unearthed grief spanning across multiple kin networks who must now lose their loved one a second time – this is what inspires the damp, fragile sheen pooling at your waterline.
“Hey,” calls a soft, gentle voice. Yuuta’s timid wave brings you back from your wallowing. “Before we left, I grabbed the letters from forensics. Thought it might be helpful to have while we re-assess the scene.”
Something he’d done entirely for your benefit. Conscious of your lack of experience with the case, you incline your head, grateful. It’s almost as though your gratitude makes him uncomfortable. He averts his gaze and hands over a collection of six plastic-encased papers. Despite their origins within deep, aged earth, each one is pristine.
Steeling yourself, you read February’s letter, the origin of chaos:
My Dearly Beloved,
Did you know that not even the moon and all her stars, nor the sun and all his days, burn as brightly as my heart does for you? There is a certain privilege that I have been blessed with in this lifetime: the privilege to admire you from afar while passing through your stratosphere when it is convenient.
But, unlike you, I am a flawed and impure creature. I am greedy. Each morning, I wake up with a hunger to do more than watch. I want to draw you near to my side. I want to feel your flesh. I want to know what your innards taste like. I want to bathe in your desire. I want to carve myself into your being, forever and ever and ever, so that in the next life, you will be born missing me.
Please look at me. I love you so terribly it defies the laws of life and death. You’ve awoken something within me. I hope you’ll take responsibility.
Nauseous, you shift the letter to the bottom of the pile, hands shaking, head spinning.
“How disturbing…” you can’t stop the words from leaving you, unbidden. “How can someone desire another person in such a way that it permits violence?”
Okkotsu studies you closely. “Do you really feel that way?”
Alarm coils like a snake cornered in the pit of your gut. Sharply, you snap your gaze to his still, calm face. As pallid and pockmarked with depression as the moon herself. “Excuse me?”
“Are you truly disgusted by this kind of love?”
Fighting to ignore your fight-or-flight response, you answer: “I don’t consider this to be love.”
Peculiarly, his face breaks out into a smile, clearing away the lingering cloudy expression. “And that’s why I’m glad we’re partners. I knew you’d have the right idea about this.”
“Most people condemn this crime…”
“But too many sympathize with a false motive,” he volleys back, dark eyes glinting with a strange intensity. “This isn’t a crime of ‘love.’ The perp doesn’t act out of affection. They want to own, subdue, and take what is not theirs. How is that love?”
“Exactly,” you affirm. “To be honest, those connections have always kind of unsettled me…even in shows, or books, or games, I could never look at the obsessive type.”
“Scary, aren’t they?”
This isn’t just a work case for him, you belatedly realize. His tense posture, his imploring eyes, his specification of partner – this is personal. Something about these occurrences strikes a chord deep inside of him, resonating so profoundly that it would not be enough to watch another resolve these crimes; no, Okkotsu is compelled to eradicate the danger completely, uprooting it from the source, destroying the danger with his bare hands, watching it dissipate with his own eyes.
“Mm. I’m glad we’re working on this case together, Okkotsu.”
He offers a small, benign quirk of the lips. “Me too.”
Your partnership progresses steadily from this first encounter.
Most of your daily duties are now fulfilled off-site, accompanying Okkotsu to various locations of interest, following potential leads, and occasionally conducting interviews. It’s been merely two days since the taskforce has been formed, and yet, you’ve been so preoccupied with your new assignment that it completely slips your mind to alert Shoko as to why you’ve been absent from your regular rooftop lunch dates.
You are mortified to open an aggrieved SMS from her on Wednesday morning:
Ieiri-san 08:15Oi. Are you dead
Me 08:16 Ahhhh!! I’m so sorry!!!! A new assignment is taking up a lot of my time. I apologize for not communicating. And for missing lunch. We can eat together today? I can bring you something? Whatever you like! I can make it!
Ieiri-san 08:20 Nah, none of that You’re probably overworking yourself already. No need for extra labor Just meet me on rooftop @ usual time
Me 08:21 Absolutely!!
It is surprisingly difficult to tear yourself from Yuuta’s side, as the two of you have been practically glued together from sunrise to sundown ever since embarking on the special assignment. He is reluctant to let you slip away for lunch, and as a result, you linger past a reasonable time to reassure him that you will be back on time.
When you are finally able to break away from Investigations HQ, you check the time on your phone only to realize that noon has rounded the corner with unanticipated haste. Hurriedly, you make your way to the seventh level of the police station building, embarrassingly conscious of your damp forehead and rapid breath.
“Sorry I’m late!!” Bursting through the metal door, you explode onto the rooftop, cloth-wrapped bento in one hand, and your furiously beating heart in the other.
It’s almost comical, how serene Ieiri looks, unbothered as ever as she leans against the railing with her trademark cigarette weaving in between her restless fingers. “Took you long enough. Been waiting for two days, now.”
“Ahhhh…”
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. You look like you’re about to piss your pants. C’mere.”
Face in flames, you stride over to pop a squat next to her. “I really do apologize, Ieiri-san. These last couple of days have been really hectic…”
“How so? You mentioned a new assignment. When did that happen?”
“Hmm, I’m not sure if I can talk about it…Investigations personally assigned me…um, not to be impolite or brag or anything! Just, I think it’s a little sensitive in nature, so—”
“Investigations?” She cuts you off, her dull timbre unusually sharp. “You mean those two idiots asked you to handle a highly classified criminal case? During your first quarter? By yourself?”
“Ah!! Geto-senpai and Gojo-senpai are quite eccentric, but they are very nice--!”
“No, they are not—”
“—and I’m not by myself! I’m partnered with Okkotsu Yuuta!”
If you weren’t such an anxious person who is well-practiced in the art of overanalyzing the countenance of others, you would surely have missed the way Ieiri’s eyes widen imperceptibly, the way her breath stutters on the next exhalation. She does not look at you for a beat. Two beats. She stares straight ahead at the exterior of the building when asks,
“You’re investigating the Serial Bereavement cases.”
“Ieiri-san…” you whine, head in your hands. “I’m, like, ninety percent sure no one else is supposed to know…”
“What, don’t trust me? Not like I have any friends around here to tell.”
“That’s, well. That’s not the point. Okkotsu mentioned that this was a sensitive matter, so…”
“Just ‘Okkotsu,’ huh?” She peers sideways at you. “No ‘senpai’? Wow, you two sure got comfortable fast.”
“No, please don’t misunderstand! Because honorifics make him uncomfortable, he asked that we speak casually!”
“I asked you the same.”
Her blunt response stuns you silent. It takes you several seconds to produce a response. “Well, yes. But that’s different…Ieiri-san is older…”
“Not by much.” Finally, she lights the cig in her hand. “Hey, let me ask you something.”
“Okay, please go ahead.”
“It was Investigations who put you on the case? Nobody else was involved?”
Hesitation halts your tongue. Mentally, you are transported back to that fateful day, just a little less than forty-eight hours ago, when your new assignment had been unloaded upon you.
“…I’m sorry, sir. I don’t mean to question your judgement, but why have I been chosen to pair with Okkotsu-san?”
“Oh! He specifically requested—”
Gojo was never able to finish his sentence, cut off by Geto’s strategically timed blow. Almost as though the chief was about to reveal something better left unsaid.
You may be a rookie, but you aren’t stupid. There’s a reason why you got this job, after all.
And if you can deduce this much, surely the next conclusion you land on isn’t so far-fetched:
Okkotsu must have personally requested you as a partner.
But the question is…why? You hadn’t been personally acquainted before you’d met outside of the station before heading to your first investigation together. He’s been nothing but kind and respectful – if a little unsettlingly intense, at times, but you think that’s just kind of how he is.
There must be an element that you’re missing from the equation, a piece of the puzzle of which you are not yet aware. It is for this uncertainty that you choose to disclose the truth to Ieiri.
“Okkotsu requested me as his partner.”
Obviously, she asked you for this information because something was dependent upon how you answered. Studying Ieiri’s reaction might be the first step towards unraveling this strange situation.
And react, indeed she does; again, it is quite muted, eroded by years of police work and other unspoken traumas you’re sure lie dormant inside of her mysterious, impenetrable depths. But perhaps it is because of your friendship that Ieiri’s micro-expressions appear to you more as the dramatic admission of feeling that they truly are.
A twitch of the brow, a purse of the lips. Her next exhalation of smoke comes fast and hard, expelled from her mouth in one decisive whoosh of toxic air. Usually, she pays special attention to the wind pattern so that she does not blow smoke in your face. It seems she’s thoroughly perturbed today; the fumes whip you across the cheek and you hack violently in surprise.
Your adverse response snaps her out of the momentary brooding. “Shit, sorry,” she mumbles, quickly removing the cig from her lips and smothering it on the ground. “You alright?”
“J-just fine,” you murmur after one final bout of ear-splitting dry heaves. “Can I ask you a question, now?”
“Shoot.”
“Is it a bad thing that Okkotsu and I are partners?”
Visibly, Ieiri must chew and swallow her initial retort. This is quite unprecedented behavior from the woman with little to no filter on any given occasion. “How are you finding it so far?”
“Well…he’s really considerate. And accommodating. Um, he even revisited the crime scene with me since I’d never been, and he let me read all the letters, too.”
“That’s funny,” says Ieiri, stone-faced. “How did he show you the letters?”
“He said he picked them up from the station before we left. I was quite surprised that he went through all the trouble of doing that, since those kinds of sensitive evidence usually aren’t allowed to leave Forensics…”
“You’re absolutely right. They aren’t.”
“Ah…Okkotsu must have special clearance…?”
“He doesn’t,” Ieiri deadpans.
“…I see…”
Her hands twitch at her sides like she’s itching for another smoke, even though the carcass of her most recent stick still smolders underneath the dagger of her high heel. “Well. You can do whatever you want with Okkotsu. Sounds like you’re in capable, dedicated hands.”
“Huh? Ieiri-san, wh—wait, where are you going--?!”
But before you can finish your panicked inquiry, Ieiri has already blown through the metal door, stomping her way back downstairs to the sixth floor where the Forensics Department awaits her gloomy presence. It’s unlike her to storm off mid-conversation. You’ve never seen her emotions rise above slight annoyance – and that level of frustration is reserved exclusively for the Investigations chief and director. What had you done to provoke even worse of an ire?
Riddled with guilt and anxiety, you wade through the rest of the workday in a foggy, unfocused haze. Okkotsu gives up trying to ask you what is wrong after his third attempt. When you eventually, mercifully fall into bed that night, unshed tears overflow past your clenched, trembling lashes, staining your pillow with sorrows you cannot speak aloud.
Upon waking up, you are granted no reprieve. It is Thursday, the sixth of September. The first Thursday of the month.
You don’t bother with something as trivial as breakfast this morning – not when the thought of what awaits you in the day ahead fills you to the brim with unbearable dread.
Arriving at the police station and getting briefed on the day’s events only confirms your worst fears: there has been another Bereavement at the Joenji graveyard.
This month’s occurrence is twistedly unique.
Accompanying the usual handwritten letter is a fresh, human heart, so red and wet, glistening with fresh gore, that it almost appears to be beating through the still stock photos taken by Field Operations upon first discovery.
Due to your increased status, you are granted clearance to read this month’s note before any other department can get to it. Ieiri is absent from the Forensics office when you rush off the elevator to the sixth floor. One of the interns retrieves the file for you, and you are equal parts eager and terrified to scan its plastic-encased contents.
My Dearly Beloved,
Aimless admiration has thus far sated my yearning soul. Seeing you eat well every day fills my spirit with a sense of completion. I am at ease to watch over you and ensure your wellbeing. But there has been a disturbance. I can feel your increased awareness, like a child opening its eyes to the world for the first time. Coupled with this awareness is a newfound distance between us. Things were going so well. Why now? Why pull away? This can’t be because of me. It must be someone else.
I think I know who.
What must I do to regain your undivided attention? How can I reclaim your primary affections? To experience even an inch of separation, a millimeter of remove, is for my body to undergo countless agonizing deaths.
Will you pay attention to me?
Will you notice me?
Will you choose me?
Look at me.
Look at me.
Look at me.
I serve my beating heart up on a platter just so that your gaze might befall it for the barest of breaths.
Recent events have shown me that I cannot stand idly by any longer while others sneakily and deliberately encroach on our relationship. I’m getting restless. I’ve been waiting quite patiently. Are you as antsy as I am? Soon, you’ll know me as all that I am.
I miss you. I see you every day and I miss you. Come back to me.
Before it’s too late.
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