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aethon-recs · 1 year

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Tomarrymort Starter Pack: 10 Recs for Getting Started in Tomarrymort

I've compiled a list of 10 medium to longfic recs that I think represent a great on-ramp to the Tomarrymort ship, as inspired by @sitp-recs’ Drarry for Beginners rec list. These are the fics that I would use to on-board people to the ship — gorgeous writing, superb characterization, and just as enjoyable on the first read as the 20th reread.

As always, I am stunned by the talent in this ship! I tried to pick a good mix of different themes/tropes/settings, with a focus on elements that make for a good introductory work: the characters are recognizable; the setting skews more recognizable; both characters in the ship are a meaningful part of the story; the ship is central to the story; and the fics are for the most part complete (or updated within the last year).

(Standard rec list disclaimers apply: please mind all tags and warnings on AO3 before reading; this blog abides by the age-old fandom axiom of don’t like; don’t read; recs are in alphabetical order by title.)

This is Part 1 of a 3-part series — I also have an Intermediate reading list and Advanced reading list coming up for readers who have been with the ship for a longer time.

For now, please enjoy these 1.3 million words of absolutely brilliant Tomarrymort reads that I hope will keep you hooked until the very last word:

Tomarrymort Starter Pack Recs

A Dangerous Game by @cybrid (E, 284k, WIP)

Setting: Canon Divergence – Book 5 Premise: If Tom’s diary horcrux gains a body at the end of Harry’s 5th year (instead of his 2nd), and then promptly kidnaps Harry and holds him captive over the summer. Lots of smut ensues. Why I rec it: The characterization is truly stunning — Tom Riddle is undoubtedly a psychopath — manipulative, thrill-seeking, kind of an irredeemable shithead — but he’s also dazzlingly charming when he chooses to be, someone whose presence Harry quickly grows addicted to. Their relationship can get incredibly toxic and fucked-up at times, but Harry has top-notch instincts and can hold his own against Tom. The plot is absolutely gripping, with the threat of (the main) Voldemort, who has set his sights on reclaiming his wayward horcrux, looming in the background.

A Future Without a Face by @dividawrites (E, 115k, complete)

Setting: Time-Travel (1940s) Premise: If Harry travels back in time to Tom’s 5th year at Hogwarts, and Tom becomes obsessed with the new transfer student and wants nothing more than to possess him every way. Why I rec it: A 1940s time travel fic told entirely from Tom Riddle POV! Divida absolutely nails psychopath Tom — how he quickly gets singlemindedly focused on Harry, how the idea of possessing Harry consumes him, how he has no compunctions about doing completely fucked-up and destructive things to achieve his goals. There is so much tension between them from the start, so there’s not much of a wait to see some hot Harry & Tom action — and the conflict and tension only continues to build and build in dramatic fashion throughout the rest of the fic.

Either must die at the hand of the other by @metalomagnetic (E, 260k, complete)

Setting: Post-Canon Premise: If Voldemort survives the Battle of Hogwarts and is initially kept prisoner in Azkaban, until Harry takes him into Grimmauld Place under house arrest. Why I rec it: This fic is an incredible exploration of Voldemort at his most terrifying. Even if he starts off the fic with his magic temporarily blocked, he is no less powerful without his magic. The force of his personality is powerful enough for him to chip away at Harry’s initial resistance — @metalomagnetic manages to write one of the most charismatic, brilliantly manipulative, and psychologically devastating versions of Voldemort I’ve ever read. Harry ends up in a good place by the end of the fic, but the journey to get there is a roller-coaster of emotions that have permanently imprinted onto my soul.

In Somno Veritas by ladyoflilacs and @lordansketil (M, 158k, complete)

Setting: Canon Divergence – Book 6 Premise: If Harry starts appearing in Voldemort’s nightly dreams during Book 6, and Voldemort becomes obsessed with Harry after realizing he’s his horcrux. Why I rec it: This is one of the most unique fics I’ve ever read in this ship! Every scene is told in alternating POV between Harry’s POV and Voldemort’s POV, so you get to see how every scene unfolds from both of their perspectives. Voldemort is so intense and just as terrible as he is in canon, so his character is not at all sugarcoated, and Harry has so much compassion and heart and manages to fall in love with Voldemort anyway. The writing style is gorgeous, with richly detailed and emotionally-laden prose. Also, one thing that pleasantly surprised me is how funny their banter is! There were definitely a number of times where I laughed out loud in the middle of an otherwise really intense scene. Bonus content: also comes with a lovely sequel that made me melt.

Inevitabilities by @shadow-of-the-eclipse (T, 103k, complete)

Setting: Same-Age AU Premise: If Harry and Tom attend Hogwarts together and go traveling around the world after they graduate. A betrayal leads to their break-up, but after many years, Harry returns to find Tom in Britain, and the two of them are drawn back together again. Why I rec it: An excellent same-age AU with unhinged dark Harry and just-as-unhinged Tom. Their relationship starts out quite dark and twisted and unhealthy — and only devolves from there. The fic ends with the two of them as equals — utterly devoted to each other — but in an incredibly fucked-up way: “He loves Tom like a forest fire; wild and all-consuming, he wants to devour Tom, to claim him, to mark him, break him.” Isn’t that absolutely breathtaking?

love is touching souls (surely you touched mine) by @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger (M, 34k, complete)

Setting: Time-Travel (1940s) Premise: If Harry gets thrown back into the mid-1940s and meets Tom Riddle as a young man just graduated from Hogwarts working at Borgin and Burkes. Why I rec it: When Harry accidentally travels back in time and chances upon Tom Riddle as a fresh graduate, he realizes this is his chance to make a difference. While Harry is only in the past for a brief interlude, he leaves enough of an impression to change the trajectory of Tom’s life. The dynamic between Harry and Tom is rife with tension and witty dialogue, and the story is set during Christmastime, which lends a very festive and heartwarming atmosphere for falling in love with each other.

No Glory by @obsidianpen (E, 254k, WIP)

Setting: Voldemort Wins AU Premise: If Voldemort figures out Harry is his horcrux when Harry surrenders in the Forbidden Forest, and decides to keep Harry instead of killing him. Why I rec it: This fic showcases the absolute, terrifying genius side of Voldemort, in a universe where he wins the war and captures Harry at the end of book 7. I am stunned at how skillfully @obsidianpen portrays Voldemort as a brilliant political strategist — the courtroom scene where he manipulates the story and the audience so well stands out as a top 10 fanfic moment in my mind. Harry and Voldemort’s relationship is chilling from the very start, and grows even more unhealthy as Voldemort gets addicted to Harry’s touch due to the presence of the horcrux, but Harry later learns to turn that to his advantage.

The Fire, Burning by @parsimmony (E, 35k, complete)

Setting: Canon Divergence – Book 6 Premise: If Voldemort discovers Harry is his horcrux after Book 6, and kidnaps him to keep him captive by his side in his bed, inside of a lovely greenhouse setting full of friendly snakes on the grounds of Malfoy Manor. Why I rec it: The prose!! I am swooning over the prose! Harry is Voldemort’s captive in this fic, but he is so much more than that — and the emotions that gradually blossom between them have so much richness and depth and are utterly moving that I’m still drowning in the depths of intimacy that were portrayed. Their relationship unfolds in such a gorgeous and unrushed way, and the setting is so unique too — a lush and overgrown greenhouse that’s exploding with exotic plants and friendly snakes around every corner that imbues the fic with a very romantic, dreamy quality.

the pleasure, the privilege by @being-luminous (M, 20k, complete)

Setting: Canon Divergence – Book 6 Premise: If Voldemort is doused with Amortentia keyed to Harry, and starts sending Harry bizarre and gruesome courting gifts, like the bodies of the Dursleys. Why I rec it: Breathtaking prose! Voldemort somehow ends up more terrifying when he’s trying to woo Harry than when he’s trying to kill him. Every single sentence had me on the edge of my seat, as Voldemort’s ‘gifts’ become more elaborate and devastatingly dramatic, until Harry basically has no choice but to respond to his overtures. The ending is incredibly clever in how it parallels certain plot elements of book 6, with an added Harrymort twist.

The Untouchable by @treacleteacups (M, 75k, complete)

Setting: Canon Rewrite (Books 1-7) Premise: If Harry starts out his first year a little bit more suspicious and a little less wide-eyed and guileless, and subsequently gets sorted into Slytherin. He has many of the same encounters with Voldemort along the way as he does in canon, but his interactions with Voldemort will end up leading him down quite a different path. Why I rec it: A snappy, fast-paced full canon rewrite that still manages to fit in all the essential Tomarrymort plot points, between Horcruxes and Hallows and the major events of books 1-7, in a compact 75k words that doesn’t at all feel rushed. It’s a delightful journey following Harry’s character evolution from an overlooked, peculiar child who relies on wishy-washy wish magic to a confident (and still endearingly peculiar) young man who can challenge and hold his own against the great Lord Voldemort. Voldemort’s obsession with Harry deepens with every encounter that they have, as he finds ways to continually insinuate himself in Harry’s life and his mind and his dreams.

#Tomarrymort Starter Pack #tomarrymort #tomarry #harrymort #aethon recs #tomarry recs #tomarrymort recs #harrymort recs #hp fic recs #longfic recs #ao3 recs #fanfic recs #2023 reads #2023 recs

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hellishjoel · 3 months

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when you know, you know (mini chapter)

3.2k / pairing: linecook!frankie x waitress f!reader Series Masterlist l Previous Chapter | Main Masterlist | Notifications Blog | Ko-Fi

summary: A flashback shows Tommy’s crew enjoying Christmas Eve at the diner. Frankie makes his first move with a New Year’s kiss.

warnings/information: MA 18+ (minors DNI), half-ass editing because I’m exhausted (I’ll reread it tomorrow and fix any errors I catch, food and alcohol consumption, reader is has no physical description, swearing, smoking, pet names (princess, asshole ((yes it’s a pet name to me))), christmas/holiday themes, a first kiss is shared that starts this whole journey.

A/N: look at these stinkin cute dividers I made for Table for Two! like shut up! I hope this mini chapter holds you guys over for a little as I also give my focus to cherry thrill and delicate with the beautiful and talented @thetriumphantpanda! also thank you to @undercoverpena for helping me dial down my brain and helping me focus on writing what I really want to write first 💛

Tommy’s Diner. One year ago. The recollection of events is slightly impaired due to alcohol consumption.

The last time it snowed on Christmas Eve in Texas was 2012. It wasn’t a normal, pretty, White Christmas. It was snow. And sleet. And pea-sized balls of hail. The winter storm began in Breckenridge, near Denver. It grew and spiraled, traveling southeast to Northern Texas.

By the time the storm saw Austin, it barely affected the city in terms of transportation. Just beautiful little white flakes, all of them unique, not one like the other. And it was dazzling.

Now, ten years later, in a mythically euphoric way, they land on the pavement in front of your sneakers. A snowflake lands on the toe of your shoe, melting quickly into the material. You let out an appreciative hum and bundle yourself tighter in your jacket, letting the size swallow you.

The diner bustles inside. It’s busy, very busy. You thought people would like to be at home on Christmas Eve, celebrating with their families before the holiday rounded out in the following twenty-four hours. But some people have traditions here.

Older couples who met here on a first date still make their anniversary appearances. There’s this older couple you see like clockwork every year, Maude and Gil.

Gil said he met Maude by accident. Took off from the lumber mill in a hurry to grab a late lunch. Maude was there on a date with another man.

But Gil said it was love at first sight, watching her push her straw around the milkshake glass and trying to seem moderately entertained by her date. Gil thought they were a total match the instant he laid eyes on her.

But Maude didn’t think the same. Not at the time, anyway.

Gil said it was fine because he knew. He just knew. Even if Maude thought their timing wasn’t right at the moment, he’d try again when it was right.

Maude said she found it endearing; how he’d chase, beg, concede, anything he had to do to get her to at least go out with him. He was persistent. And it paid off.

Now, all these years later, with kids and grandkids, they were celebrating a date night before they travel to their daughter’s house for Christmas tomorrow.

After penning in their order, you can’t help but smile at the couple.

“You two are really cute.” A sweet grin is shared between the two patrons before they turn back to you.

“When you know,” Gil pauses to take Maude’s hands across the table, wrinkles forming around old gold wedding bands, “you know.”

You usually don’t get along well with older people. Sometimes you didn’t know how to talk to them. You didn’t understand the references they made and felt awkward trying to navigate back to the menu selections. That, or sometimes they were just plain rude, but you suppose anyone at any age can be fucking rude.

In this part of Texas, some folks felt all too comfortable pushing religion or politics into your lap. And when they weren’t doing that, they were complaining about things that were out of your control.

That light is giving me a headache.

You don’t have any trees to park my car under.

The mashed potatoes aren’t mashed enough. Like, sorry guys, but that sounds like a problem between you, the line cooks, and your denture implementation specialist.

Then there were the more generous guests, those who tip well and sit in your section because they like your playful personality. Where talking doesn’t feel like a chore, and you’re so goddamn funny that they laugh at everything you say.

There’s this ongoing joke between you and these older gentlemen who come every Sunday morning for breakfast. It goes something like,

“Hey, doll, did you put the whiskey in the coffee like I asked ya to?”

You’d playfully gasp, widen your eyes, and look at them with your mouth agape before you lightly smacked their shoulders with your ticket pad. “I certainly did not, my manager would have a fit.” You’d tease, wink, and pour a little extra coffee to top them off as they snickered. They were just guys young at heart who enjoyed making you laugh.

Frankie would play cards with them on his break. Spin the chair around and have the back against the table, thick thighs straddling the seat as he nibbled on a toothpick. He always lost to them at poker but won at blackjack.

Unfortunately, someone really did put some sort of schnapps in the coffee. The staff’s coffee. You weren’t going to name names, but you definitely saw who did it. And you weren’t telling. Especially since you were enjoying your third cup.

Christmas music plays loudly in the back of the kitchen, the restaurant having been closed for the past hour. But for the love of God, Rudy couldn’t get you all to clean up the place and go home.

“Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock! Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring! Snowin' and blowin' up bushels of fun, now the jingle hop has begun!” The entire kitchen sings, all terribly off-tune, but it makes it all the funnier.

You double over in laughter as Carla, your five-foot-tall manager attempts to put a Santa hat on Frankie’s head. He simply crosses his arms and shakes his head, unwilling to bend down and let her put the stupid thing on already.

Finally, with a roll of his eyes, he kneels down and takes the red Santa hat like a crown to a king.

“You’re only fueling his ego!” You boo, Carla walking over and cheering her cup of coffee with yours.

The kitchen is noisy after hours.

All the crew has funneled to the back, sitting on countertops as Lou mops the floor and tells people to stay out of his way. Water sprays from multiple sink faucets as the dishwashers clean at a leisurely pace, too busy singing a rendition of whatever Christmas song played next off the radio.

The old dishwasher hums along as it cleans. People talk or sing over each other, and it’s just loud. You’d be overstimulated if it wasn’t for the spiked coffee in your hand.

“You put this booze in here, didn’t you?” You whisper to Carla as she circles back to your little corner of the counter, looking straight ahead as if she didn’t hear you. She’s as silent as a rock, which you can respect.

“Alright, some manager you are.”

She snickers at that, playfully slaps your thigh with the back of her hand, and watches the line cooks and busboys lazily scrub pots, pans, and plates, too busy howling out what they think are the correct lyrics to the classic Mariah Carey song playing.

“Frankie!” Carla growls, her actual manager tone coming out now. Even Rudy shudders at the lion’s roar.

Frankie looks up, wide-eyed like a kid about to get freshly yelled at. He’s got a cigarette hanging from his lips and a lighter one centimeter away, finger on the trigger ready to light it.

“Go outside and smoke that, you know I can’t come home smelling like cigarette smoke! My kids will get mad at me. Shoo! Shoo!” She ushers with her hands, Frankie smirking against the cig and holding his hands up in playful defense.

“Sorry Mama Bear, I’ll take it outside.”

Carla playfully scoffs as he ducks down to kiss her cheek, giving him a roll of her eyes in return.

Frankie’s eyes meet yours and he nudges his thumb into the pack of cigarettes, one inching out towards you.

“Come on, princess. Let’s go.”

You purse your lips to try and stop the smile, but you can’t help it. You push yourself off the counter and join him outside, the kitchen door closing behind you with a whoosh.

It’s colder outside now, and the snowflakes fall faster but still melt as soon as they hit the pavement.

You walk with Frankie to the loading dock. Tommy’s doesn’t have an actual loading dock, but it has an attached storage garage that houses old equipment. The concrete has questionable stains of varying colors and sizes. A game you and Frankie play is coming up with dramatic stories for each one.

The large maroon puddle was definitely a murder covered up by a secret crime syndicate. The dark green dribbles every few inches are from a lizard-like monster, trailing its way through the garage where its buried itself under the concrete until it’s resurrection day in one thousand years. Or so they say.

Frankie pulls a blue tarp off an old brown leather couch, both of you falling into it with a heavy sigh.

Tonight was exhausting. The holidays in general were.

“You goin’ anywhere for Christmas?” Frankie asks as you hold out your hand for the cigarette, but he lifts it to your lips instead.

A playful smirk dances on your lips as you lean in and take the cigarette obediently, both of Frankie’s hands coming up as one flicks the lighter and the other shields the snowy breeze.

The nicotine swirls down your throat and chills your chest, a nice contrast between the warmth the alcohol has spread through your tummy. Your eyes magnetize to the pretty orange blaze glittering at the end of the cigarette.

“Yeah,” you breathe out, smoke billowing through the air and then into nothingness. “I took off from Christmas to New Year’s, so I’ll be at home with family. You?”

Frankie makes a noncommittal noise, distracted by lighting his cigarette. He flicks the spark wheel multiple times, but the flame only grows smaller and smaller. To Frankie’s relief, it catches. He takes the dead lighter, damn near out of juice, and makes a long chuck to the dumpsters where it clatters deep inside. Dink-bong.

“I’ll be here- wait, until New Year’s?” Frankie asks in disappointment, head tilting affectionately like a dog’s.

You’re a bit shocked by the dramatic reaction, eyes scanning over him.

“Uh.. yeah. Why?”

He’s silent for a bit, eyes avoiding yours before he looks out beyond the freeway and into the void. You shrug it off and lift the cigarette to your lips again. If Frankie wants to say something, he will.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” You nod your head towards the snow and Frankie agrees as he looks up at the sky with a fond little smile.

“So, no New Year’s at Tommy’s for you this year, huh?” He circles back, and you’re all too curious.

“Why do you care so much if I’m here on New Year’s or not?” Your demeanor is playful, but he’s dancing around the subject and you’d wish he’d just come out and say it.

But he wanes on your temper and plays oblivious. “Was that Maude and Gil out there earlier?”

You roll your eyes and shuffle closer to him on the couch. Frankie does the same. “Yeah. I wish they came here more than just on Christmas Eve. They’re so refreshing. They’re older, but cool.”

Frankie nods and lets the calm settle between you both.

“Before Tommy retired and moved to Florida... Or ran and hid from his bookie due to his crippling gambling addiction, he said that he was long-time friends with Maude and Gil. They’ve been coming here for like… fifty years.”

You scoff in disbelief and glance over to him. “Who would want to come to this dump for fifty years?”

Frankie shrugs and smiles, leaning into your side as you lay your head on his shoulder. He’s warm.

“I guess it’s all about perspective. We see Tommy’s as clock in, clock out. Run around until our feet hurt and work until we’re sweating pigs. The customers, people like Maude and Gil, they see this place as where their lives began.” Frankie’s eyes look beautifully starstruck in this moment. “Where they started, and where they reminisce. Where it all began. It’s perspective, princess.”

And just like that, he crashes the moment. Again.

With a roll of your eyes, you sit up properly, shoulders shuddering inward from the cold. You shove off his hand that has somehow gone below the radar on your thigh, crossing your leg over the other and tugging down the skirt of your uniform.

“You gotta stop fucking calling me that incessant nickname, asshole”

Frankie scoffs around the exhale of his cigarette. “Why don’t you make me?”

“Oh, I could definitely make you, but where’s the fun in that, Francisco?” You smirk in his direction, but something shifts.

His lips part but he’s at a loss for words, and his eyes dance over your face like he’s trying to memorize each pretty eyelash and the slope of your cheekbones.

A weird feeling of charged energy zigzags back and forth between your bodies, stitching you closer together. Where the flirting goes a little too far and something could happen. It could keep going, like a snowball effect, both of you unwilling to stand down to the other. How far could things go? How far would you let them go?

His eyes look incredibly deep brown in the night, but they pour into you all the same. The red bandana tied around his forehead keeps his unruly dark curls out of his eyes as the wind makes the strands flutter. He’s overwhelmingly handsome. You can feel your breath change, but you don’t want him to notice how your chest falls shallow under his eyeline.

His husky voice breaks the pretty silence.

“If you’re not here for New Year’s, then how are you supposed to be my New Year’s kiss?”

An unbeatable smile breaks out across your face, feeling your stomach summersault. Oh, Frankie.

You playfully shrug as you look beyond the loading dock at the snow that amounts to nothing, still melting upon greeting the asphalt.

“Well. Sounds to me like you’re kissing the back of your hand on New Year’s. Just the same as last year. And the year before that. And the year before that.”

“I’d rather kiss your ass, princess.”

“Oh, I bet you would.” You both snicker and shake your heads. He’s still staring all too longingly.

“Come on.” He speaks softer now. His head tilts so it’s closer to your level. “Lemme kiss you.” His head is hanging to the side, and he speaks with need. His tongue lines his lips and your breath staggers again.

Your and Frankie’s cigarettes burn with abandonment, dangling between fingers settled in your respective laps.

Why can’t a fire break out in the kitchen right now? It would be convenient. Anything to get Frankie from getting too close. Not that you wouldn’t mind kissing him, you just fear that you’d like it a little too much. And he would like it too. What if things changed?

All you can think to do is try to lighten the mood with a little teasing because it feels all too serious right now.

“You don’t wanna kiss me.”

Frankie scoffs and suckles on his cigarette again like it’s the most unbelievable thing he’s ever heard. “I would, I really would.”

Fuck, it’s not working. “What if it’s weird? We work together.”

“It won’t be.”

“How do you know?” You tease.

“I just know.”

“Okay, but how do you know.” Frankie shrugs nonchalantly like it’s no big deal. “When you know, you know.”

Surprise lines around your wide eyes, recognizing the all too familiar sentiment shared by Maude and Gil. The sentence you didn’t realize had so much importance to you until Frankie uttered the same words.

“I- what did you say?” You ask, surely he didn’t just share the same expression. Or spare the same meaning.

A cocky smirk tilts the right side of his mouth upwards. “When you know, you know.” He repeats unphased, eyes twinkling all too sweetly as he looks at you like you’re a wonder.

It’s just one kiss. Nothing else will happen. You wouldn’t let it.

Before you can overthink any further, before you can decline, his large palm casts itself over your cheek, thumb skimming across the silky flesh. Warmth floods your body, and it feels like time has frozen. The snow falls silently around you both, a soft whisper of the wind hissing through the air.

“This alright?” He whispers. You feel so caught off guard, unable to respond with words, just a lousy excuse of a nod.

The heel of his palm guides your jawline upward, lips mutually parting as you take each other in. Anticipation fills the air, fuels the rapid beat slamming around in your chest and nudging itself up in your throat.

Your lips meet, warm and plush. You’re sure he’s not this gentle all the time, but he is in this moment. It’s tender and delicate, slowly taking you all in as if this is the last time he’ll ever get this chance. It probably will be. The bite of each other’s cigarettes tangle in your mouths.

It’s unclear who deepens the kiss first, but there’s more of a desperation to this part. Both of his palms are on your cheeks now, bodies inching closer as your smaller palms fist lightly at the neck of his dingy white tee. You’re keeping him close, fuck, it’s so undeniable.

The intensity that follows highlights a level of emotion you had far long ago locked away. Shoved into a locked crate and stored in secret under your bed. You didn’t like those feelings, they were cute looking from afar, but up close, they were monstrous. But you can’t deny you enjoy the movement of his lips against yours, both of you melting into a sweet rhythm that’s lined with desire.

His tongue explores your mouth. Your fingers dance up the dip of his neck and sink into the warm flesh. He must like the feeling of your skin on his because he lets out a low hum of appreciation. The charged energy you felt before was now flooded, running on all cylinders to keep up with the feelings you and Frankie were exploring for the first time.

It’s heated and flickers like his dead lighter. The bond grows deeper at this newfound connection, much different than a simple peck on the lips for a New Year’s kiss.

It feels like it lasts forever but it’s gone so soon. You find yourself pulling away first, despite it taking all of you to do so. Frankie’s head naturally follows your own, wanting more, drunk off the taste. His lips brush yours again as you laugh.

Both of you grin before you can stop yourselves.

“Shit,” he mutters, pulling away finally as warmth kisses the apples of his cheeks. His thumb lines his lower lip like he wants to remember the electricity and the pattern of your kiss. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s- fine.” You’re all flustered, both of you shifting farther away on the couch.

“I got carried away,”

“Yeah. You did.” Lie.

“I liked it.”

“I know you did, Francisco.” The tight-lipped grin on your lips won’t disappear. But you could.

Everything that follows is muddled sentences and interjections on both your parts. You start.

“I’m gonna head back inside. Carla probably needs some help-”

“Yeah-”

“Are you-”

“Yeah, I’ll stay out here for a few more.”

“Okay.”

You’re both nodding and you’re scrabbling for balance as your feet pace on shaky ground. You nudge your jacket tighter around your body as you drop the cigarette and smother it with the toe of your shoe.

A shaky breath leaves you as you walk away and smooth out your uniform, thankful to have your back to him as you walk off and return to the kitchen’s back door. Or else he might see you smiling sheepishly.

Series Masterlist l Previous Chapter | Main Masterlist | Notifications Blog | Ko-Fi

#frankie morales #frankie morales x you #frankie morales fanfiction #frankie morales smut #frankie morales x reader #fuck yeah frankie #francisco morales #catfish morales #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfiction #frankie catfish morales #francisco catfish morales #pedro pascal #frankie morales x f!reader #francisco morales smut

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iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 22 days

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What do you think M6’s answers would be to the question “is it better to feel all the pain or nothing at all?” I haven’t played all the routes so I can’t answer for everyone but I think

Julian -feel it all

Asra -nothing

Muriel -at the start of his route nothing but as he grows as a character it would shift slowly to feel it all

Portia -feel it all

I’d also love to hear your answer if you’re comfortable with that! As someone who’s felt both my answer is nothing bc in my experience the numbness allows you to still function. Even if the life you’re experiencing isn’t as full as it could be, you still get to experience it. When I become so overwhelmed by Everything I completely shut down and cease to be a person. I am my emotions. And I think in Asra’s route this kinda gets explored in that they choose to not feel as deeply ever again bc a muted life with MC is better than a full one without them. Anyway can you tell I recently reread The Giver lol

Woah, that's a good question friend!!

To be completely honest, I think all the M6 progress from the "numb" to the "willing to feel everything" point throughout their routes - as is the case for many people who are in the healing process! (essay below the cut)

Julian, while fully embracing the misery of his situation, is also running from the part of him that wants a happy ending. Meeting the MC is his slow journey of self-acceptance, realizing that his happiness is valuable and worth fighting for. He stops choosing one feeling to drown out all the others and starts feeling everything in a context of loving and being loved.

Asra's in a similar situation. They don't see giving up half their heart as something to regret, but they still talk about the reduced ability to be attached to people as a loss. Reconnecting with MC, being able to slowly bring down the walls that used to facilitate a drifting, untethered survival mode, allows him to start caring more about the people around him since he has a person to call home again.

When Nadia wakes up, she's lost. Seven years of memory have blipped out of view, she's responsible for a city she knows very little about, and the people who are supposed to help her are only getting in her way. She speaks of a similar numb state, being detached and uninvested in the world around her, until meeting MC and finding a way forward gives her what she needs to flourish again. We see a lot of that emotional progression in her reconnecting with her family.

Muriel is an almost textbook case of complex trauma and the myriad of coping mechanisms that arise from trying to escape it. I've written whole essays on the effects of his deal on that process before, but his journey with MC starts with him just wanting them to forget about him, and ends with him asking MC to help him collect the memories of himself and his people.

Portia isn't quite as much numb as she is stuck. From the moment her parents' ship wrecked, she's lived her life in the orbit of other people. First her older brother, then the children and grandmas of Nevivon, then her older brother again, now the Countess - it isn't until she begins to receive that same attention from MC that she starts to really own herself and discover the true depth of her capacity. While we never see her choosing to be numb, we do see her hesitating to come fully into her own. With MC's empowerment, that's exactly what she ends up being able to do.

And finally, Lucio - he's literally numb. He's spent the last three years trapped between realms in a ghostly form that won't let him feel anything at all beyond hunger. While MC is instrumental in returning him the capacity to feel, it's Lucio's own choice to take advantage of that as a fresh start.

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana game #the arcana hc #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #portia the arcana #lucio the arcana #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson

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fyeahnix · 1 year

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so the last few weeks I've been horribly obsessed with a little game called Project Zomboid. I initially bought it during the Steam Winter Sale as a game to chill to on my Steam Deck. I thought "ok zombie apocalypse survival RPG, I'll try it out, sure" and I was also wondering how tf a game was still in beta for 10 years

LITTLE DID I FUCKING KNOW....

this game is so ridiculously detailed it's unreal. you have to manage your hunger, sleep, thirst, mood/happiness, stress, prep for the water and power shutting off, prep for rising zombie populations, prep for winter, etc. OH yeah SEASONS. the game is very realistic seasons that mimic real life. there's so much to talk about just in the mechanics alone that I don't know where to start.

anyway, I started playing this on the deck, and eventually moved to PC because I saw how much more controls and shit you can do with a mouse and keyboard. and I like it so much better.

so the game straight up tells you that at some point, you will die, and there's nothing you can do about it. and that's fine. I died SO MANY FUCKING TIMES when I first played. I played on Apocalypse mode initially (which was very stupid as it's the hardest preset difficulty lol), and then moved to Survivor when I found that out. but the more YT videos I watched on this game, the more people really encourage you to play Sandbox mode and figure out what your preferred playstyle is.

so that's what I did when I moved to PC. I found out I do no like zombie infection so I turned it off. zombie infection happens 100% of the time when you're bitten by a zombie and there's literally no way to stop it, you get sick and die a slow death over the course of like 3-4 in-game days. if you get scratched or lacerated there's a percentage chance of that happening too. I just didn't like making progress and then having it stripped away because I got unlucky.

I finally made a character that survived more than a month in-game, made the firehouse in Rosewood a base, had a lot of shit set up for water, farming, electricity, etc, and then I fucking DIED trying to clear out a grocery store. now when you die, you can choose to respawn another character in the same world, but all your skills are reset. I chose this option instead of starting over completely because I had a good thing going and I enjoyed that setup. what I didn't like was the skill grind. I managed to get most of my skills back up to where they were before death in the span of a few hours because I had all that set up at my base. anyway, I said "this grind isn't fun" and installed a mod to craft a skill journey where you can manually record your character's experience progress and if they die, you can read the journal and get those skills back.

that came in clutch because last night, my second character died trying to clear zombies out at the kentucky state prison in Rosewood. that kinda upset me, but I just reset in rosewood, went to my base to gear up with backup gear, and trekked it on foot to the prison to reclaim my lost shit:

that red circle is my second character's dead body I had to drag outside and loot because there were too many corpses inside. (btw if you stay around corpses for too long your character will get sick). in the bottom right corner you can see my truck that got abandoned. thankfully I got in an out pretty quickly and got my truck back.

now you're prob saying "wtf that takes the fun out of the game" to which I reply "to you" lol. the survival and combat aspects of this game are fun as is the exploration, but the skill grinding takes forever for some skills and I didn't wanna redo that again. the downside of this is that I STILL have to go retrieve my shit and if it's too far away from my base, then I might be SOL. these two deaths were lucky because they were within walking distance of my base. also I still have to reread skill books for bonuses and that takes DAYS in-game to accomplish because I took the slow reader trait....

anyway here's some of my base. it's a fucking mess I am currently trying to clean up:

the patch of grass to the right of the water barrels is where I farm food. but I have a ton of food in the freezers so I'm holding off on farming again until I get close to low on fresh food. I have canned food as a backup.

bottom two pics is my messy ass storage and workshop area. I got a shit ton of guns and ammo from the prison that I hauled back in my pickup truck and I need to organize everything. the problem is that I need a skill book to learn how to make metal crates and neither the bookstore nor the school library has it so I have to venture out. second problem is that I may have to go to Muldraugh or March Ridge to check those bookstores and I'm DREADING it. the prison furthered humbled me and I don't wanna die again lol esp not that far away from my base. but I gotta do it. all for metal storage crates. you're prob wondering "why metal? just make the wooden ones and you're golden." and you would be correct but fuck it, 80 storage space compared to 40 and 60 for the level 1 and 2 wooden crates is just so much more appealing and I have a ton of shit that needs to be stored.

anyway that's my adventures in PZ so far. there's more to talk about like how I tried to go to the lone shack out in the woods one day to find an antique oven, almost got stranded, and had to make the trek back because the road there was covered in trees and not good for car travel. speaking of, the map is absolutely fucking gigantic. don't play this game without the map on another screen. it makes planning and traversal so much better

but yeah. it's about to be winter in a few in-game days, which means I'm gonna be struggling to forage for food, fish, and grow crops from December-February. I have food and water saved up and I think I can make it but maaaan it's gonna be a time.

thanks for coming to my tedtalk lol

#Project Zomboid

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frodo-with-glasses · 7 months

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ANOTHER JOURNEY BEGINS TODAY!

Happy Hobbit Day everybody! In celebration of Bilbo and Frodo’s birthday, I am—as promised—reading LotR again. I hope you’ll join me for another journey through this wonderful book!

What To Expect:

Chapter Reviews

Reviews of Phil Dragash’s audiobook

Reblogs of old art (when it’s still good)

Redraws of old art (when it isn’t lol)

Brand new art (for moments I missed on the last go-round)

And more shenanigans!

I would also like to run another ask game, if possible! I might revive one of the old ask games, or—as suggested by the ladies on the discord server—I might draw funny scenes from the movies on request. Vote for your favorite below!

So, Lady Glasses, where have you been?

Some of you were looking forward to seeing more Magnolia AU content in the interim between LotR rereads, and I’m really sorry I wasn’t able to deliver on that. A lot of things started to change IRL right around the time I finished the book, which affected my schedule and how much free time I had to draw. I also made a new friend, and with that person, started to roleplay my original characters (which I’m going to tell myself was writing practice ;-P), and that took up a lot of my creative energy as well.

But I’ve been promising for months that I’d start reading LotR again today, and I want to make good on at least one promise. So, here I am! I hope to be able to keep to the doodle-a-day schedule I had last year. We shall see.

As of today, I am actually on vacation, but I’ve been working hard for the past month to make sure you guys have reviews and doodles to enjoy even while I’m away from home. Thank you so much for your patience with me, and I hope you enjoy this brand new journey through Lord of the Rings!

WELCOME TO ANOTHER YEAR OF FRODO-WITH-GLASSES!

#poll time!#lady glasses speaks #blog maintenance #my writing #my art #frodo baggins #samwise gamgee #meriadoc brandybuck #merry #peregrin took #pippin #lord of the rings #lotr #fig tree au

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mmmichyyy · 1 year

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🖤gallavich fic rec list🖤

i combed through my ao3 bookmarks and tumblr archive so here are some (but not all!) of my fave one-shots, wips, completed fics and tumblr ficlets i read & reread this year, ranging from newer fics to ones published in the past years ✨ there's almost 50 (!!) recs here so hopefully you'll find something new to read 🖤

check out the fic rec list i compiled last year!

(i didn't include the fics i've already mentioned in the last list plus the endless fics posted this year to avoid making this list longer than it already is, but if i had infinite time & space i'd include them all 🥰 onwards!)

one-shots:

seal my fate by allyasavedtheday (s2 canon divergence)

fix me up by biblionerd07 (Mickey has a lot of scars. Ian has a lot of feelings about those scars.)

shut the door and let go by @tellmegoodbye (s3 sleepover re-write)

these days, life is better by biblionerd07 (Ian realizes Mickey is the most romantic guy on Earth.)

in the romance section by kissteethstainred (When Ian moves to a new area, he starts to frequent the local bookstore. Eventually he begins to visit the bookstore for the owner more than the books themselves.)

icarus is online by @mishervellous (AnonMate is all everyone is talking about. Ian wants in on it.)

beginners by @bravemikhailo (Ian and Mickey meet the day they graduate college and all they've got is one night together.)

start again by allyasavedtheday (A little look at how Ian (and Mickey) comes to terms with his bipolar disorder.)

falling for you without a second look by xylodemon (s3 roadtrip)

for his honey by @squidyyy23 (ian’s impressed when his husband’s business savvy helps them expand their farm. and he's going to make sure he knows it.)

'tis the damn season by @sweetcresta (Ian comes home for Christmas and old habits die hard.)

sneaking in by @ianandmickeygallavich (Sneaking into a movie feels different. It shouldn’t, friends go to the movies, families go to the movies. But….Ian can’t help thinking about the fact that it’s a classic choice for a date.)

eighty-four by kissteethstainred (college/time-travel au)

if you love me, won't you let me know? by kissteethstainred (college au)

five times mickey wears ian's clothes and one time ian wears mickey's by @teatimeallovertown (A brief look at the journey of Mickey and Ian through the clothes they share.)

i'd follow your love down a dead end street by zoeplacid (Ian Gallagher wishes his soul mate was Mickey Milkovich, but the universe seems to have other ideas.)

wildfire by ilostyournumber (Ian is a bipolar stripper and Mickey is deep in the closet and they try not to tear each other apart.)

'til our compass stands still by biblionerd07 (Mickey just assumed they'd have smooth sailing from here on out. It never occurred to him being in prison together might be the easiest part of their relationship.)

wips:

sweetpea by @whatthebodygraspsnot (shapeshifter!cat!mickey! 🐈‍⬛)

reckoner by @thisdivorce (Ian Gallagher is married, stable, happy working as a Paramedic and trying to start a family, but a chance encounter with the foul-mouthed father of one of his patients—who has more ties to Ian than either of them know—threatens to blow it all up.)

selfless acts of the illegal variety by @abundanceofnots (The last thing Ian Gallagher thought he'd be at 19 is married—and to a grumpy Ukrainian bouncer called Mickey who's barely said ten words to him since they first met, no less. But when a rare chance at love knocks on your door, you don't just send the cute guy in dire need of a green card back to his homophobic father in Kyiv, right?)

your question has been received by @celestialmickey (a tumblr AU with a bit of a twist)

change like shifting shadows by @thisdivorce (priest!ian)

bound & free by @sunoficarus (magic/fantasy + marriage of convenience au)

a beginner's mind by @spoonfulstar (a collection of stories that take place after the events of ch. 27 of you'll never see us again)

the fine art of falling for you by @goodkwuestion (Teaching the Arts is hard enough, but mastering the art of falling in love might just prove downright impossible.)

paragraphs by @palepinkgoat (Ian has an opportunity to be a reading tutor for ex-convicts. He meets one in particular that catches his eye.)

things beyond mistake by @gallavichy (Ian, a high school teacher in need of a fresh start, returns to his childhood home after nearly 20 years to find himself once more sharing a lonely dirt road with Mickey, the boy he once knew and the man he's desperate to get to know.)

rebuilding (series) by freespiritedone (After almost 6 years in prison during which he was simultaneously built up and torn down, Mickey is free and embarking on a brand new life in New York City. Everything is different and yet some things never change - even if he wishes they would. Coming to terms with a new life while contending with the old is harder than anything he could have imagined. *long, slow burn)

completed:

technically by @annatrow (Ian Gallagher has grown up in the foster care system for most of his life, and he’s pretty sure he’s got his future figured out. That is until he falls for the bad kid who is about to change the entire course of his life.)

please don't say i'm going alone by biblionerd07 (Ian shows up at Mickey's wedding and asks him to run away together. Somehow, Mickey finds himself stupid enough to say yes.)

geometric progression (series) by romanticalgirl (angsty s4 au) *sidenote: i reread this all the time when i feel down just to feel even more depressed :')

these foolish games by @suzy-queued (A workplace rivalry becomes a love quadrangle. With laser tag.)

through the dawn (series) by spock (a semi-au set in a universe where mickey and ian didn't grow up in the same neighbourhood.)

SLOML (series) by @good-then-dont (short fics exploring Ian and Mickey’s own exploration of their relationship in a world where 3x6 never happens.)

ian the friendly ghost by @sunoficarus (ghosts au where Mickey thinks the house he moved in is haunted because the doors seem to close on their own and his shit somehow gets neat and tidy and Ian's just a very polite ghost who's got a bit of a crush on the adorable grumpy guy who's just moved in)

the little things give you away by kissteethstainred (When Ian first sees them, he thinks they’re twins. They both have similar looks, with pale skin, dark hair, and blue eyes. They act similar too—both of them are quiet, they fidget in the same way, and they make some of the same facial expressions. Ian wants to know them.)

my nine lovers by @annatrow (Secret Agents Ian Gallagher and Mickey Milkovich find themselves working together multiple times over the course of ten years.)

mickey mantle vs. the t-rex by zoeplacid (angsty alternate s5)

broad-shouldered beasts by biblionerd07 (Six years after Mickey goes to jail, he's released on parole. He does his best to build a "normal" life and a relationship with his son while juggling the scars of his past.)

OSHA compliant by romanticalgirl (It's been two years since they broke up. And Mickey's got his life together. Which means it's about time for something to come along and screw it up.)

you make me feel human by dragona (In which Ian is a cold-blooded serial killer with a soft spot for a certain South Side asshole.)

tumblr ficlets:

fiction in the archives by @gardenerian (ficlets and 5+1 prompts)

what we talk about when we talk about love by @bravemikhailo (a collection of one-shots, ficlets and prompt-fillers originally posted to tumblr)

tumblr fics ✨ by @gallawitchxx (collection of ficlets, 5+1 prompts, scene fillers)

time travel au part one / two / three / four / five by @whatthebodygraspsnot (s1 ian & mickey meet their s11 selves)

who's more cold & happy husband weight gain by @iansfreckles (& all their drabbles!)

magic au & migraine ficlet by @arrowflier

& of course, check out @galladrabbles for a wide range of 100 word ficlets written by our talented community & @gallavichfanficlibrary for more specific rec lists ✨

#looking forward to seeing everyone's end of year fic rec lists too 🖤#gallavich fic rec #gallavich #gallavich fic #ian and mickey fic #fic recs #gallavich fic recs #shameless fic

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ciceroprofacto · 5 months

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I love your fic. I knew it since the very moment a 15 year old me stumbled upon it, read it (sorry), didn't understand most of it (because I was too young and also English isn't my first language) and assumed it was just a historical romcom, only to reread it later. And then I read it again. And again. And each time I read it, I discovered how much I had changed and I understood more and more details that you have put. I love it because it's a wonderful story with an interesting theme, characters that feel human, and a historical period I like a lot. And because it has, in some way, accompanied me as I grew up.

So. I just discovered your blog. Thank you for writing your fic, and I know that whatever is cooking, it will be crunch crunch delicious.

First- I know teenagers read it. I have no illusions about it. I don't like it and it makes me uncomfortable, but I can't stop that from happening. there’s no point in apologizing. I do appreciate the confirmation that you got a lot more out of it as you got older.

I started writing SOA when I was about to turn 19, and I knew at the time that there were parts that I wouldn't understand until I had more life experience. As it was, I’d waited six years to understand more about the time period to start writing it, and it was the peak of the musical rush, so I knew it was then or never. But I think, if I could start it over from scratch with the life experience I have now at the start, it wouldn't actually make it better. The story feels like a new journey every time because I’ve been growing up as I’ve written it. My understanding of military culture, duty and friendship and love- have all grown alongside John’s. Just like yours have grown in the time it’s been since your last read. Those themes of self-discovery should be constant, so they’ll always feel relevant.

I don’t have a whole lot of time to read it nowadays, but when I do, I get the same feeling you’re describing, even as the author. There’s something about immersing yourself in a first-person narration of a coming of age story in a distant time period that just hits different.

#anon #answered #soa

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dazeddazai · 6 months

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She was alone, as per usual; lights out, tables cleaned, bottles set in rows. Only the moonlight peered through the half tinted windows, filling the room with a cool, waxen glow— coating the wood in pale translucence as if strained through melted silk.

The bar had been closed for quite some time; dust hung in the air uninterrupted, save for at the corner of the room where Makino sat, eyes downcast, teetering on the edge of fatigue. The better part of her judgment implored her to make her way up the weathered staircase and into her bedroom, near forgotten, but she stayed seated and silent— drifting off to the sea salt breeze.

The table in front of her lay empty, with the exception of a clear water glass. It bore, in its wake, a single white snowdrop and a pale yellow marigold. The snowdrop had long faded— spine curved and threads snapped into split ends; it lay on its last life, drinking from the glass in earnest— the final breath of hope, undistilled.

It had been a year since she had seen him last— the promise of return etched deep into her lips as he had bade her goodbye.

“Wait for me,” he had whispered in earnest, “I’ll be back for you as soon as I can.”

But as soon as he could had turned into weeks, then into months, and still Makino sat into the late hours of the night, lashed glazed with sleep-coated tears.

It was hard not to worry when she knew of the danger that lay in the shadows of his journey. The perilous exploits of the infamous few drew the attention of the masses— making for rowdy conversations amongst the bottles of dry mead— and though she tried to tune it out, the name of the man she longed for was no stranger to every household on the island.

Before long, Makino could no longer read the paper without feeling a hint of restlessness. Dread clouded her thoughts and overtook her mind, and soon, to preserve her faith, she did away with the news all together. Instead, she reread his letters and thumbed through the memories that he had left behind, tainted with the ink blots of forgetfulness and frosted over with the scenes of her own imagination.

She spent days— weeks, even, in her head, all at once— so much so that she could barely make out the reality of everyday life. Customers came and went in flashes of sound and color, but she barely registered their presence until they were slumbling from the bar, a drunken farewell lost upon their lips.

“I’m sorry I’m late.”

Makino started and looked up from the table. Her breath caught in her throat.

Shanks stood in the doorway, relaxed and charming- a relic of the memories that she had been living in for almost a year. She stood up, almost knocking the chair to the floor. She wanted to run to him, to embrace him without a single care in the world, but she could not will her body forward- scared that if she moved too close, he would vanish into thin air.

Instead, she composed herself, and after a brief hiccup in time, she spoke.

“Where were you off to this time?” She asked, trying to squash the unintentional shaking of her unpracticed voice with an uneven smile. “Somewhere dangerous along the Grand Line, I’d imagine.”

Shanks returned her smile and shook his head.

“Visiting an old friend. Making sure that my affairs are well in order.”

“Well in order for what?”

He didn’t answer but instead turned to face the bar.

“How is everything over here?” He asked, “Does the old man still come around to visit from time to time?

“Sometimes— when he’s not busy.”

“And the boy?”

“He looks more like you with every passing day.”

“That’s nice,” he replied, and Makino felt a lump form in her throat.

"Could you just hold me for a while?" She whispered. “Just once, before you leave?”

Shanks smiled soft— gentle and contrite.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“I miss you. Everyday.” She said, and then there were tears tumbling freely down her cheeks. “I miss you so much that I can’t breathe.”

“I know,” He replied, voice husky. “I know and I’m sorry.”

“Won’t you stay? Just a little while longer?”

“I’ll stay for as long as you need me to.”

“I love you.” She whispered, her voice breaking upon the last syllable. “I’ll always love you.”

Shanks gazed at her, eyes soft and clouded—

“I know you will.”

“Will you ever come back?”

He paused before answering. Then, reaching out and grazing the snowdrop, he said-

“I think today has to be the last time.”

As he spoke, Makino noticed that the snowdrop had finally fallen from the stem. It lay, wilted and white- now no more than a relic to be brushed off the table and onto the floor.

“What if- what if I’m not able to let you go?” She said, her voice smaller than it had ever been.

Shanks didn’t answer. Instead, he stood up and began to make his way towards the door.

“I’ll be waiting for you.” He said simply, “Come for me whenever you’re ready-”

Then, before she knew it, he was gone just as quickly as he had come.

Makino awoke slowly to the moon shining through the open door. With all the effort that she could muster in her neglected body, she pushed herself up and began to make her way to the staircase. She could barely remember what she had dreamed about last, but she could feel the trail of stale tears, etched upon her cheeks.

As she walked past the bar, all she saw was a blur of stained glass mixed with molten light- a light that cast its gaze upon a single cockled paper, stained in salt, breaking the news of what she had feared so long ago.

#シャンマキ #shanmaki #shanks x makino #shanks #makino #one piece #extrait #tw death

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juliette-cai-enthusiast · 2 months

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Ok Here's my Big Long Rant About Chloe Gong's Books

So I discovered These Violent Delights towards the end of 2021, just before Our Violent Ends came out. My ex-girlfriend recommended it (funny enough she also got me into Taylor Swift. She was super toxic and later cheated on me but she had pretty good taste all around) and I had heard of it before so I decided to give it a shot. I settled into bed that night, planning to read a chapter or two, and three hours later, I had finished the book and probably almost screeched at the cliffhanger, and then began the agonizing wait (it probably wasn't more than a month, but still) for OVE.

The entire time, I could not stop thinking about how much I loved these characters. The relationships seemed authentic and fleshed-out and every character was so unique, and it was just so well-written. I especially remember being completely obsessed with Juliette (hence the username) and loving Benedikt and Marshall, although I was so so worried it was going to be queerbait.

When OVE came out, I got it out of the library and once again read it one night. This time, I was in tears by the end. To this day, only 2 books have made me cry (the other being They Both Die at the End) and OVE is the only one that has made me cry every time. They became my new obsession almost instantaneously, and when Foul Lady Fortune was announced, I was completely ecstatic.

When FLF was released, I went to the book tour and actually got to meet Chloe Gong. I was fangirling out of my entire mind and was probably super embarassing, but she was super funny and down-to-earth. I cried (again) in the parking lot as soon as I stepped outside. A few months later, she announced Last Violent Call, and when I found out that Roma and Juliette were alive, I actually fell on the floor. I went to the Immortal Longings book tour, although I sadly couldn't go to the FHH one, and I'm currently scheming up ways to get tickets for Vilest Things (Miss Chloe, please come to Philly again, I don't know if I can drag my mom to New York twice).

There are so many reasons why this series is so unebelievably important to me. First of all, the queer representation is honestly unlike anything I've ever seen. The queer characters are fully fleshed out and have personalities and arcs outside of their queer identities, but their queerness is also not a footnote or shoved in for "diversity points." When Benmars became canon and got their "Because I love you!" moment I was in complete shock--I honestly hadn't allowed myself to hope for it to happen. As the queer representation carried over into FLF, I just grew more and more overjoyed with this series. These books also came to me right when I needed them. LVC particularly came out during a very difficult and stressful time in my life, where my mental health was very bad. I remember thinking to myself all week, "Just hold on until LVC comes out," and it really helped me push through that period of time.

Chloe Gong was also pretty much a realization of my dreams. I knew I wanted to be an author for a while, but I really had no idea how to get there. I always thought, "Go to college for something you don't entirely hate, get a real job for about 10 years, then you can start publishing books." Seeing someone only a few years older than me with the same dreams as mine succeed in bringing them to life has been almost a lifeline over the years. I'm no longer as scared of what my future holds, or whether or not I'll be happy with my life. I honestly read her blog posts about her publishing journey probably once a month, just to keep myself motivated, because if she can do it, so will I.

So thank you so much @chloegong for this amazing world you have created. These books really mean the world to me and have brought so many amazing people into my life, and I can't imagine who I would be without them. This is way too long and way too personal, but I just reread FHH and was deep in the SS feels, so I had to get it all out there.

#chloe gong #secret shanghai #these books mean the absolute world to me and are my entire personality so yeah #foul lady fortune #foul heart huntsman #these violent delights #our violent ends

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ybcpatrick · 1 year

Note

*shakes tin* hey any peterick recs in these trying (waiting for fob8) times?

i'm gonna use this ask as my official reclist. here we go, under a read more:

a lot of these are by the same author(s), so i've grouped those together. these fics are all my besties and i have reread them all at LEAST five times. some many, many more! PLEASE HEED ALL RATINGS AND READ THE TAGS THOROUGHLY BEFORE YOU PROCEED, SOME OF THESE ARE HEAVIER IN NATURE.

According To Your Heart (It's Our Time Now) by fanatic_by_definition (31.9k, Explicit.)

FOB decide to make a loosely-inspired-by-true-events music video for The Kids Aren't Alright, and Patrick is having some trouble with certain aspects of the script. (Personal note, for me? This is THE Peterick fic of all time. THEE. Peterick fic. Of All Time.)

plain as they can see by fanatic_by_definition (3.6k, Teen and Up Audiences.)

Curled up in the van in the wee hours of the morning, Pete introduces Patrick to The Nightmare Before Christmas. As the story plays out before him, Patrick starts to notice... parallels.

The Last (Only) Thing I Want To See by fanatic_by_definition (13.5k, Explicit.)

Pete and Patrick haven't spoken for a year. After finding out the blizzard of the century is rocking Chicago, right before Christmas, Patrick attempts to check in on Pete. But when the line goes dead, something inside of Patrick snaps; so begins a tumultuous journey from LA, back home, and back to everything he thought he'd permanently destroyed.

I am a collapsing star with tunnel vision but only for you (I will protect you) by TooRational (15.3k, Mature Audiences.)

After Pete has a terrifying injury while performing, Patrick goes a little crazy. Through the journey of getting Pete back to health, Patrick is forced to confront himself, and his long-term emotions.

the afterlife (i never really lived) by TooRational (2.9k, Teen and Up Audiences.)

The polaroids from Coup De Main's article give Patrick three things: major anxiety, a boatload of embarrassment, and a wake-up call in regards to how much he's let go unsaid between himself and Pete over the years.

the tale of two hearts (reunited) by TooRational (5.5k, Mature Audiences.)

After a year away in service to the Queen, Peter finally gets to return home, where his beloved husband is waiting for him. In the tumultuous reintroduction to peace, Peter shatters; Patrick catches the pieces before they hit the ground and begins the repairs.

Destiny (noun): the hidden power believed to control future events; fate by TooRational (8.3k, Mature Audiences.)

The force they call Kismet takes a momentary interest in two men, who are soulmates in every universe they've existed in. In one of these, the dominos fall in just the right way, and romance blooms.

the distance between us (sharpens me like a knife) by TooRational, intocooperstown (9.9k combined, three works in series, General/Teen and Up Audiences.)

For years, Patrick has kept a careful distance from Pete; he never lets him too close, never lets them touch. He hates himself for it, and for the ways he has allowed it to hurt them both. Through the series, Patrick fights to shatter his personal space bubble, and learns what it means to be brave.

Guided to You by intocooperstown (18.7k, Mature Audiences.)

Pete and Patrick are dead. They are dead, in a pristine office, sitting before a magnificent, otherworldly creature. The creature tells them they are soulmates, and they will spend the rest of eternity together. That's confusing for a lot of reasons, but if it means being with Patrick, Pete will take it.

Write It (better than you ever felt it) by ForbiddenToast (8.3k, General Audiences.)

Finding the right words can be hard. When Pete chooses to read someone else's for a while, the spiral into his own psyche isn't exactly easy, either.

Invasion Of The Photographs by ForbiddenToast (6.3k, Teen and Up Audiences.)

Pete buys a photo album. Then, an avalanche of old photos swallows the living room whole. A concerned Patrick charges into a battle on memory lane, working to get to the heart of Pete's latest obsession.

feels like home by lye-kisses (5.2k, Teen and Up Audiences.)

Spend a day with Pete and Patrick. Pure domestic bliss.

a bright tide by whatimages (2.6k, Teen and Up Audiences.)

Drifting around each other on a beach in Australia, Pete and Patrick contemplate themselves and iron out the details. A pocket of time, spent together, as they always are.

Got Me Staring Odd by glitterandrocketfuel (6.5k, Mature Audiences.)

A touching, sensual, and incredibly romantic exploration of gender, and Pete's relationship with it. Where cracks form in Pete, Patrick's hands are there to soothe.

get us right (quitters never win) by blooms (4.7k, Explicit.)

Pete is a telepath, Patrick is an empath. Patrick hadn't ever encountered someone whose feelings were as vibrant and defined as Pete's; when guilt over something begins to eat Pete alive, Patrick has to dig deep to find out why, and how and help.

precipitous by sceptick (1.9k, General Audiences.)

Short and sweet, a glimpse into the wee hours of the morning of February 4th, 2013. It's Pete and Patrick, Patrick and Pete, alone together, on the edge of something new.

and beyond these, here's the link to my AO3 bookmarks, because there are even more fics I didn't mention here! but all of these are my absolute top tier favourites. I live and die by these bad boys.

#shut up kell #ask #anonymous #peterick #rpf #essentially: fanatic_by_definition is like jesus to me /hj #and toorational is my current favourite fic author #if any of the links are fucked up let me know ajsksjdvksk #additionally: 99% of the time i will NOT be reading a fic unless they're in the band. i am incredibly picky #i will not be reading an AU unless i REALLY love the author 🫶🫶

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ancientschampionau · 21 days

Text

I did it

I actually did it.

What did I do you may ask?

I finished it.

I just completed the main story for Ancients & Champions!!

The story I am talking about.

Rambling under the read more line

Okay! So. Obviously this is not the final final wordcount. Seeing as I will still need to edit the chapters and reread stuff but this is about the final wordcount.

And let me tell you. The last time i did an update like this I had just hit chapter 91 with writing and felt like I was close to the ending and said that if I had to write another 10 chapters I would go insane.

Oh silly me. Oh how I was wrong.

Because here we are. Not only did I write those last ten chapters but i OVERSHOT it.

It feels strange at this point to actually be done with writing the main story and main storyline. Again it isn't yet finished finished but the story has ended and it is... strange.

I should be relieved honestly. I have been writing this in my off time since we were still in a pandemic, 2021, and I am close to counting three years with writing it.

It was a journey and a half and honestly I think I am a better writer now than when I started. Hell when i reread some of the stuff i wrote near the start i still get the feeling i want to change some wording or characterization because along the process i really settled on hwo i wanted everyone to act and be. (really considering rewriting the sidestory about Error's backstory but i will contain myself for now)

The thing is. I never actually finished a fanficiton before. (and then she writes a 430K thing yes i can see the irony) it is just. I lost interest in the stories i wrote before so it is strange to actually finish this absolute monster of a fanfiction (aaayyyy i will show myself out)

I am not done with this universe I ended up creating just yet. The fact I started this whole thing because i wanted NightmareXSansXError things is still real funny to me. It just got out of hand so quickly and because i started with just writing for only myself it just kept growing.

But I loved the journey and everyone who on AO3 followed along and the few people here who are nice enough to follow me and my story.

It was a fun ride and as i said. I am not quite done with this universe just yet. But I would be lying if it isn't great that i now have more space to write other ideas i had. and i had quite a few ideas. We will see what the future brings.

See you people around and if i see you at the story, remember, updates every sunday until we are done.

See you sunday.

#ancientsau #ancientsandchampions #ancients&champions #writing #ao3 #utmv #utmv au #utmv fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #utmv fanfic

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filmbyjy · 2 years

Text

jake – bad boys

— bad boys main masterlist

pairing: sim jaeyun x fem!reader

summary: jake, a playboy and the guy that has all the girls swooned. even you. jake never knew of your existence until sunghoon pointed you out while you were on the bench sketching something. jake realises he never played with you before and that leads to you being part of sunghoon and jake's evil bet.

warnings: playboy jake, suggestive contents (but no smut because wtf i can't write it) - i said the word 'sex' like once but nothing bad, jake is a really shitty person (obviously doesn't portray jake in real life and there is a decent amount of angst in here (read my note to understand why i say so)

no.of words: 7.8K words

taglist: @nyfwyeonjun @ncityy04 @cutiejseong @minkyeos @madebyreyy (@onyourecha) @yuakagi @hoonstrology @luvrjn @kawaiisharkcopjudge @missmadwoman @aerinaga @jiwlys @wtfhyuck @astrosmistisa @woniesbakery @purplepuppychild

NOTE: won't lie while rereading to proofread this again, i nearly teared up because i realised how much angst there is. especially towards the end. a tear almost slipped guys. i'm surprised that i can write decently to the point that while rereading it i can nearly cry at my own work

sim jaeyun, the guy every girl would love to be under in many ways possible and yes i meant every possible way, as disgusting as it sounds. a master flirt and a big playboy. he also happens to be the captain of the school’s soccer team but even with a ‘bad reputation’ the coaches weren’t allowed to do anything. jaeyun was the ace in soccer after all.

now you might be wondering when this poor boy started this whole bad boy antics.

“9th grade.” jake says. yes, you heard that right. our ‘hero’ started his playboy journey in 9th grade. All the poor 14 year old girls he played with in that grade. He never knew what happened to them considering he moved schools after that. Which was how it always went, play with every girl in his grade and then his parents would move him to another school.

But of course, jake didn’t expect to actually stay in this school for 2 years now. maybe it was because they had no other schools to enrol him in and they were left with no choice but to face the consequences of their son’s inappropriate acts. Anyways, jake found friends that he grew close with, 6 other boys who equally shared quite the same experience and feeling.

“hey, did you forget the coach wanted to see you today?” sunghoon asks as he slings his arm around jake’s shoulder.

“whoops, kinda tired from last night.” jake says. sunghoon smirks.

“From another one of your side chicks or the job from last night. I mean, you two have been going at it until 4am after we completed our job. I heard she’s like a nerd or something.”

“yeah, she’s in my calculus class. easy to manipulate her really. I simply told her i needed help with calculus and she instantly helped. the usual jake charm works as always.” jake laughs.

“bet she’s gonna cling onto you.” sunghoon says.

“all the girls i’ve been with want to cling onto me.”

“but because you don’t do commitment, you ghost them. yeah, yeah i know. you’ve said this like a bunch of times.” sunghoon says.

“that’s the sim jaeyun move for you.” he winks. sunghoon gags.

“never wink at me again dude.” jake laughs.

“HYUNNGGGGGGG.” sunoo yells.

“yeah?” both sunghoon and jake answer.

“jay hyung got into a fight again.”

“he really needs to control his anger issues.” sunghoon says.

“that’s jay on the daily.” jake shrugs. both jake and sunghoon ran over to help jay.

As for you, our heroine of the story, you so happened to listen to jake and sunghoon’s convo. you knew jake was a playboy and he openly was so proud of it but that didn’t stop you from falling into his charms. you were i guess blinded by love. you knew jake better than he did probably and it was actually scary to think about it.

Sometimes you felt like you were a stalker or a pervert for knowing such deep secrets on jake. you knew this was an obsession but you loved jake so that didn’t matter. Having heard that jake and sunghoon were out to help jay, you decided to make your way over to the scene of the fight.

students were gathering around jay as he punched the guy in the face.

“i don’t like guys like you. bullying others for fun? how would you like it if i bullied you instead hmm?” jay says. jay gets ready to punch the guy when sunghoon grabs jay.

“Alright buddy, that’s enough of causing trouble. your dad needs to clear out your name now or else the cops will get suspicious of us.” sunghoon whispers. jay grunts.

“this isn’t over.” jay says as he glares at the guy. jake sighs.

“hey bud, i suggest you don’t inform the teachers. they can’t even do jackshit because they know who we are.” jake says. the bully gets ready to launch at jake. jake pulls out his gun.

“cool design huh? wouldn’t want this to be the last thing you see.” jake tilts his head whilst pouting. the bully cowers in fear, there weren’t many students along the hallway but those who witness the scene surely ran away. “run along hmm?”

The bully runs away. sunghoon sighs.

“you know, you don’t have to show your gun. your toy gun by the way.” sunghoon says. jake snickers.

“it gives me power and besides, everyone believes it’s real.”

“you and your obsession with collecting old guns.”

“If you fix it, it can be put into good use.” jake explains. the bell rings.

“class is starting, jay you should probably get to the nurse. after all, wouldn’t want the teacher to be distracted with the blood on your shirt and face.” sunghoon says.

“yeah yeah, i know. just cover for me if they ask.”

“as if they care about our whereabouts. every faculty member knows who we are.” jake says. sunghoon snickers.

“yeah, you’ll be fine jay.” jay rolls his eyes.

“just fucking get to class idiots.” jay says. as for you, you left earlier since you didn’t want to be late to class. sure, you were sort of a normal typical school girl but you didn’t exactly want to fail your classes and get scolded by the teacher so you went to class early.

sunghoon and jake enters the class. these two have been in your class since forever, they didn’t know you because you were usually quiet and always listening to the teacher. you were a good girl per say. since it’s jake and sunghoon, they only went with their fangirls. they loved the attention and didn’t care about other people who put no effort to pay attention to them. you do have a crush on jake but you knew, there was no way you’d ever cross paths with him.

It was lunchtime and since you were all alone, you’d spend your time having lunch on the rooftop. It was like your comfort place. you made your way to your locker to dump your items and grab your lunch box. nothing really special ever happened but you did look forward to after school where you’d watch the football/soccer team play and practice.

you were an assistant since the coach was your dad and since he was the coach, the both of you always went home together, which was great since you didn’t exactly like staying at home all the time.

“Here, my little angel. a small task for you to do,” your dad hands you a name list. you rolled your eyes.

“dad, you’re the coach. aren’t you supposed to be doing the name calling?”

“(name), you should be acquainted with these boys. after all, i am their coach.” your dad says.

“fine, i’ll make this quick since i have to study.”

“my angel, i know you don’t always study after school. especially, if it’s practice day.” your dad smiles. you blush. your dad knew you best and of course, he knew you had a crush on jake. the captain of the team he is coaching.

your dad did feel a sense of protectiveness over you considering he isn’t dumb and has heard the rumours of jake being a playboy and also part of a gang. he didn’t want you to be associated to someone like jake but who is he to stop you from falling in love.

the football team finally came out of their locker room after changing into a more sporty attire. you breathed in.

“alright, boys. (name), will be here to call out your names. after all, she’s our assistant.” your dad says.

“yes, coach.” the boys say. you called out each boy’s names.

“jake?” you say. silence. you called him again and to no avail he didn’t respond back.

“sorry, coach.” jake ran. you marked him down for being late. your dad ruffles your hair.

“jaeyun, you’re the captain. please show a good example to the others.”

“sorry, i’ll come on time.” sunghoon pats jake’s back. the training starts and of course, as per usual, the boys would be gossiping and chattering amongst themselves since this is what they did every practice session.

“Hey cap, where did you go?” minho asks. jake smirks.

“oh, i know that look. you madeout with another girl didn’t you?” wooyoung says.

“well, he is sim jaeyun. certified playboy and only the best captain.” sunwoo says (before anyone says he is sunwoo from the boyz). The boys laugh and as for you who overheard, just silently sighed.

‘why do you even bother liking him (name), you’ll only become one of his playtoys.’

you simply just grabbed your sketchbook and started working on your art project. the wind blew in your face and since your hair was down, you decided to tie up your hair in a messy bun. it caught a few of the boys at the field's attention.

“you know, i realise i never played with her.” jake says. sunghoon turns his head over at your figure. he snorts.

“you know, she likes you.” sunghoon says. jake smirks.

“oh really?”

“yeah, she sort of stalks you around the school. i’m pretty sure she’s in our class too.”

“interesting.” sunghoon notices the look on jake’s face. he smirks.

“bet you could get in her pants and break her heart?” sunghoon says. jake almost laughs out loud.

“of course, it’s my specialty.” jake says. the training went on, then the coach declared a small break because they had been going at it for 3 hours non-stop. jake grabs his bottle and settles down next to you. he looks over your shoulder and notices the drawing you did.

“nice drawing.” you squeaked and jumped back clutching your chest.

“hi, i’m jake but sometimes people call me jaeyun.” jake smiles as he holds out his hand for you to shake. you weren’t so sure what kind of cruel joke jake was playing but it felt like the air shifted when the both of you met. “I see, sorry i scared you didn't i. i can’t help but notice the drawing. Is that supposed to be me?”

you looked down at your sketchbook and up at jake. your eyes widened before you hid your sketchbook.

“sorry, it must be weird to have someone draw you.” jake chuckles at your words.

“not at all. In fact, it looks really good. you really captured my face really well, how long have you been staring at it to perfect the drawing hmm?” jake teases. You were at lost for words that your jaw drops. “I’m kidding.”

“jake, let’s continue practicing!” wooyoung yells.

“Coming!” he turns back to you. “stay a little while hmm? i need to give you my number.”

“w-what?” jake runs off before you could even question him.

your dad comes up to you.

“i see my sweet daughter has finally captured the attention of our captain.”

“Dad!” you whisper yelled. your dad chuckles.

“but be warned, i’m sure you’ve heard a bunch of rumours about jake. whether it is true or not would be up to you because you are the one allowing him to get close to you.”

“dad..”

“i’m looking out for my daughter. my only precious daughter. after all, i have to act like both like your mom and your dad. I play two roles.”

“mom would have been proud, dad.” you say. your dad smiles.

“she would but she would also scold me because i’m allowing you to hang out with boys.”

“you know she would’ve encouraged it dad.”

“you’re right.” your dad ruffles your hair, “okay kiddo, you should continue with your drawing. you have to submit it soon.”

“it’s due in a week dad.”

“yes but drawing takes a lot of time and detai-” you showed your dad your half completed drawing. “okay, nevermind. Take your time. you have really inherited your mom’s talent for drawing.”

“thanks dad.”

“coach! can we play a round now?” jake yells.

“sure but be fair. maybe play some rock, paper scissors to choose the teams. it’s fair and efficient. then the loosing team can learn from the winning team’s strengths and try to improve on yourself from there.”

“alright, thanks coach!”

“do you think any of them know that i’m your daughter?” you asked your dad.

“oh sweetie, i think if any of them knew i was your dad. they’d try to get far from you. after all, i do scare them.”

“great decision dad.” you gave him a thumbs up.

“i only want what’s best for my precious girl.”

time flies by quickly and before you know it, it was already 6pm. the boys went to shower to rinse off the sweat before going home and possibly doing homework or playing games.

“hey, do you wanna walk home together?” jake asks. your heart races. walking home? with jake? alone? a dream come true-

“let’s go (name)- jake! i thought you went home already.” your dad says.

“oh sorry coach, i was supposed to meet up with (name). I wanted to walk her home. are you and (name) going home together?” jake curiously asks. your dad turns to you.

dad please

“her dad wanted me to drive her home since we are friends but since you’d like to accompany her, i’ll just tell him that her friend is walking with her home.” your dad says. oh thank god, your dad certainly was the best. jake smiles.

“oh really? that’s great.” jake turns to you, “you wanna walk together still? the coach is friends with your dad and i’m sure since the coach trusts me, your dad would trust me too right?”

“y-yeah.” curse you, jake. you hated how you always stumbled over your words when you talk to him.

“Perfect! Thanks coach for telling (name)’s dad!”

“any time.” your dad says. is jake really that dumb and he doesn’t realise your dad was standing in front of the both of you, “but can i speak to (name) first?”

“Of course, coach.” jake says. your dad gestures for you. you went over.

“make sure he doesn’t try anything okay?” your dad whispers.

“dad!”

“i’m just looking out for you, it’s a dad instinct.”

“dad, i love you but let me have a small chance, okay?” your dad sighs.

“alright angel, i’ll make dinner. want anything in particular?” he whispers.

“the usual?”

“alright kiddo.” your dad turns to jake, “alright, see you tomorrow. we have training again in the afternoon.”

“yes sir!” jake says. with that, both you and jake left. it was a casual walk home, jake asked you question about yourself and you’d answer them.

“your dad sounds like the nicest person.”

“thanks.” you literally just met him and he’s your coach but okay.

“what about your mom?”

“Hmm?”

“you haven’t really mention much about her.”

“ah, my mom passed on.”

“oh, i’m so sorry.”

“it’s fine.”

“If you don’t mind, can i ask how?”

“i was supposed to not actually be born. i was a premature baby and had very low chances of survival after i was born. my mom unfortunately passed on due to complications after giving birth to me and i somehow actually surpassed all doctor’s expectations of survival. everyday, i grew until i was healthy enough to go home with my dad. my dad does call me a miracle baby because maybe my mom died because she wanted to save me.”

“wow.”

“Is it too much info? i feel like i ramble a lot everytime i talk about my life.”

“no, your story was touching.” jake smiles, you smiled too. After walking for a while, you finally made it to your house.

“well, this is my house. thank you for walking me home.” you say. you were about to walk off when jake holds onto your wrist.

“wait.” you turned to jake. “(name), i know it’s a little early but i really liked spending time with you. would allow me to court you?” you wanted to faint on the spot right there then.

“jake.”

“please?” you shyly nodded and with that jake pecks your cheek. “oh thanks for your number, i’ll text you later. goodnight!” jake runs off. you giggle. oh you were down bad for him.

you entered your home and the first thing you see is your dad with a big smile on his face.

“I heard what happened! this calls for a celebration with alcohol!”

“dad, i’m a minor!”

“right, i’ll give you grape juice and i’ll drink the wine.” you laughed at your dad who excitedly ran to get the items for dinner.

- jake❤️: goodnight cutie ;)

your heart soars at jake’s text.

- you: thanks jake, goodnight

- jake❤️: see you tmr and maybe in your dreams ;)

- you: i’ll see you tmr and no i won’t dream of you

- jake❤️: are you sure ;))

- you: shut up you tease

- jake❤️: oh baby, i’m joking

- you: fuck you

- jake❤️: oh? the good girl knows her bad words? baby, you should watch your language

- you: what are you going to do?

- jake❤️: shut you up with a kiss for saying bad words ;)

“oh god, jake!” you hit your pillows before hiding your face.

- you: i said you can court me but that doesn’t mean you can kiss me idiot

- jake❤️: oh baby, i’m sure you’re dying to kiss me

- you: not at all

- jake❤️: ouch, alright :( see you tmr i guess [11:45pm]

why did that sound so bad. maybe you should apologise

- you: hey jake?

- jake❤️: yes baby?

- you: typing…

what should you type…

- you: goodnight jakey❤️

your heart pounds as you watched jake typing in his message.

- jake❤️: fuck, you made my heart skip a beat, baby. now, i really can’t wait to see you.

- you: sleep jake -_-

- jake❤️: fine :(( sleep well my love❤️

“FUCK.” you screamed.

“(name) language!” your dad yells.

“SORRY DAD!” you yelled back. you looked back at the last message jake sent and finally laid on your bed.

“i am so down bad.” you told yourself.

The next morning, you had rushed out because well…you wanted to meet jake.

“see you in school later, dad, i love you!” you threw on your shoes and opened the door, only to be greeted by jake. your jaw drops.

“hi.” jake says.

“hey, jake. umm, what are you doing here?”

“i umm, wanted to walk with you to school.”

“oh, sure. let’s go then.” you smiled. both you and jake went to school together, you were happily talking to him and he listened attentively. at some point while you were talking, jake holds your hand.

“you are so adorable when you ramble on and on.” jake says. you blush. jake swings your hand around as you made it to school. everyone and i mean everyone who saw you two enter the school together started gossiping.

“oh poor, (name). she doesn’t know jake is a playboy.” one of the girls say. they truly pitied you, you were about to become one of jake’s next playtoy.

jake brings you over to your locker.

“i have last minute morning practice today so unfortunately, i won’t be in class. you won’t miss me right cutie?”

“not at all.” you say. jake clenches his heart.

“ouch. i’m very hurt, i thought you’d miss me.” you pushed jake slightly.

“just go.” jake smiles and waves to you before he leaves.

you decided to settle at your seat, a few girls come up to you. they looked worried for you.

“(name), you should be careful. jake is player, he doesn’t look around for commitment. he just wants to play with your heart!”

“he is not going to, he walked me home yesterday.”

“your dad allowed him to? doesn’t your dad know how he is, after all he is the coach.”

“he says jake is a nice person, he is hard working too on the field and you know i trust my dad.”

“alright, (name). if you say so, we just don’t want you to become one of jake’s playtoys. that label itself is just bad.” you smiled at your classmates.

“thank you for warning me. I’ll handle this myself and not get too close to jake.” you say. the girls nodded and just got ready for class.

3rd period, you settled down on your chair and jake pulls the chair beside you.

“seat taken?” jake asks. you shook your head. “perfect, get to sit with my favourite girl.”

my favourite girl…right he was seen with other girls. you felt your heart break. you frowned and jake notices.

“hey, what’s wrong?”

“nothing.” you simply say and jake takes notice.

“(name), i’m sure you’ve heard of those rumours…while yes, i possibly talked to other girls, i didn’t break their hearts by leading them on. I rejected them because i had my eyes set on someone.”

“who?” you asked, slightly annoyed.

“you.” and…there goes your heart. jake surely knew a way with his words, pure talent. the teacher enters the room and so you got your books out. however, as you got your books out, your pencil drops. you went to pick it up but so does jake.

“thanks.” you say. jake doesn’t answer, instead his finger lays under your chin. he pulled you closer.

“can i kiss you?” in class? well, you’ve never kissed anyone so this would be your first time, getting kissed by sim jaeyun, your crush. you nod slightly and that’s all it took for jake to lean in.

thank god, you were sitting at the back of the class. once jake pulls away, he leaves one last peck on your lips and sits straight up so the teacher wouldn’t suspect a thing. during the whole class, jake held onto your hand and you felt like your heart was going to burst any second now.

he writes something down and slips the paper on your desk.

- be mine? yes or no?

you smiled reading the note. you looked around the class and then turned to jake once you realised everyone was still concentrating. you left a peck on his cheeks and whispered

“yes.” jake smiles. something about this made his heart leap, unlike the other times he played with the girls. end of class, you packed your stuff and then jake pulls you to where his friends usually sat for lunch.

Once you made it to the table, all eyes were on you. jay, who you shared 1 class with and he was your seatmate, had his eyes widened.

“(name)?”

“hi jay.” you smiled. jay darts to look at both you and jake and finally the intertwined hands.

oh no, (name)...you are going to get played. jake does not like you like that.

“boys, this is my girlfriend, (name).” jake proudly says. sunghoon smirks, something that got you curious, why was he smirking?

“you finally decided to settle down?” jay asks.

“yeah, i thought it was immature of me to fool around with girls. Besides, (name) was the one who made me realise how wrong i was.” jake turns to you. you blush under his gaze. what you don’t fail to notice is how none of them believed jake’s words. Not after sunghoon was smirking at you like how he was whenever he started a bet with jake.

Unlike jake and sunghoon, the other 5 boys actually know that their coach was your dad. they would’ve told the both of them but…where is the fun of letting them discover themselves and get what they deserve?

“hey dude, can i talk to your girl for a bit?” jay asks.

“for?”

“Well i need to ask her about homework.”

“you can ask her now with me around. what’s so important that you want to have a private conversation with?” jake says.

“I borrowed her notes and it’s in my locker. I don’t have any other classes with her after this and we also have practice after school.”

“alright.” you went to stand up and follow jay but jake holds your hand.

“are you going to watch us after school?”

“of course.” you smiled. jake smiles too and lets your hand go.

once you left, heeseung folds his arm.

“she’s your new playtoy?”

“yeah. how was my acting?”

“Perfect.” sunghoon says. Both jake and sunghoon high five.

“hyung, you’re going to regret whatever you are doing.” sunoo says. jake rolls his eyes.

“oh really? but i’ve been doing this to other girls! and yet.” jake fake pouts, “i have no slightest bit of regret at all.” jake’s tone drips with sarcasm. sunoo rolls his eyes.

“jake hyung, sunoo hyung is right…you don’t know what you’ve started.” ni-ki says.

“why the fuck are you guys on (name)’s side? she’s just another normal ugly ass girl.” sunghoon says.

“Forget it. Do whatever you want but don’t come running to me and jay because you messed up. we have our reasons why we never dared to hurt (name).” heeseung says before he grabs his bag and leaves the cafeteria.

“why is he so dramatic.” jake says. the only one laughing was sunghoon.

“both you and sunghoon hyung can eat. i’m going to catch heeseung hyung.” jungwon says.

“Me and ni-ki are going to the field.” sunoo says. ni-ki follows sunoo.

As for you and jay…

“(name), i know you’re a really sweet girl but i’m sorry jake is just to play with you.”

“i know.”

“then why are you still with him?”

“because i like him.”

“(name), don’t tell me you are willing to get your heartbroken by jake.”

“yes. maybe, if i get my heartbroken by jake, i’ll finally realise how dumb i was to fall in love with him.”

“why are you torturing yourself.”

“It’s not easy to forget about someone who you’ve been crushing on for over 2 years.”

“of course but are you willing to actually get hurt by jake? If you’ve had a crush on him for 2 years, i’m sure that’s not just a simple crush.”

“you’re right, it's not but i’m willing to hurt myself in an exchange to forget about him completely.”

“why don’t you find another way?”

“jay, thank you for caring about me but i’ll just go with whatever i’ve planned and besides…i’ll get to sort of experience dating jake before he decides to ghost me.”

“yeah but the coach might actually get mad at jake.”

“he doesn’t know that your coach is my dad?”

“Well…him and sunghoon, we kinda just want the both of them to realise it after he breaks your heart. I just wanted to make sure you are okay with jake breaking your heart.”

“Perfectly fine, jay.”

“alright, don’t tell jake and sunghoon about the coach being your dad. it will be more satisfying to see both of them regret their actions.” you giggled.

“some kind of friends you guys are.”

“Well…you should know what we do.”

“I do.”

“Does your dad know about it?”

“Yeah but he doesn’t want to expel you guys because then the soccer team would turn to shit. After all, all 7 of you are the star players.”

“yeah, the coach sure is great.”

“he is my dad after all. He is the most reasonable man out there that i know, which is why my mom married him.”

“I bet anyone would be lucky to marry or date you.” jay says. you smiled.

“not really. i’m just a hopeless girl stuck in an unrequited love.”

“shall we go back?” you felt someone hold your hand and you could tell who it was. you turned to jake. he was fuming.

“Were you flirting with my girlfriend?” jay scoffs at jake’s words.

“I wasn’t, we were talking.”

“looked a lot more like talking. you were smiling and laughing.” jake says. jay puts his hand up.

“you already know i have a crush on my neighbour. I wouldn’t flirt with anyone else.” jay says.

“yeah and you should know your place.” jake glares at jay. you tugged on jake.

“let’s just get to class. it’s starting soon.” jake’s eyes softened after they met yours.

“alright.” both you and jake left the area.

it was about a week later whilst dating jake is when you noticed he started to kinda ghost you. as expected, jake really didn’t care for you. you bitterly laughed.

- you: babe, wanna go out on a date?

- jake❤️: practice, sorry baby. I’ll make it up to you :(

it usually went like that, you knew jake didn’t have practice. He was probably out either doing some illegal shit or he was looking around for another girl to fool with. you walked over to the field to watch the boys practice like usual. Plus, your dad was here and you kinda needed to ask him for some help.

“dad, do you have extra pads?” you asked. your dad smiles.

“forgot to bring some today?”

“no, it came earlier than usual.” your dad grabs his bag and hands you a pouch. He usually brings this pouch around because he knows your period doesn’t really come around in a regular pattern.

“thanks dad. also have you seen jake?”

“ah your boyfriend? unfortunately, it seems like he isn’t here today. I guess he is coming late. Maybe you could look around for him?”

“Alright.” your dad ruffled your hair.

“my big girl, you have a boyfriend now.” you smiled.

you went to the bathroom to deal with your period. after doing so, you went to wash your hand and left the bathroom. then you heard some weird sounds from the staircase nearby. this staircase was also where you and jake did some things…

you turned your head to face the staircase. There you saw jake with some girl. she was familiar, that’s when you realise she was from the cheerleading squad. someone prettier, of course. you felt your heart break every second you stood behind the wall witnessing everything. once jake stops, he leaves one last kiss on the girl’s lips.

“I have practice, beautiful.” the girl whines.

“jakey, please i need you.”

“coach will get mad.”

“will he get mad or are you scared your girlfriend will notice you aren’t there?”

“I could care less about (name).”

“why are you even dating her? you should date me instead.”

“oh baby, i would but you know i don’t do strings attached.”

“then break up with your girlfriend.”

“one more week baby and then i can fool around with you.” jake says.

“urghhh, i hate the bet you and sunghoon devised.”

“sorry baby, rules are rules. besides, sunghoon said he’ll give me $1000 if i date (name) and make her believe so.”

“Well she does believe it so why don’t you break up with her?”

“soon. I have to go now.” the girl sighs.

“Fine but can we at least have sex after your practice?”

“your place?”

“yeah.” jake kisses her again. part of you felt sad, part of you wanted to cry but the whole of you wanted to scream at him. get mad, yell at him. Maybe it was just because it was that time of the month but either way you knew you were mad at jake. you rolled your eyes and went back to the field.

“hey (name).” heeseung smiled. he notices your frown, “what’s wrong.”

“I found out jake is cheating behind my back.”

“shit, are you okay? i’m sorry this happened to you.”

“It’s okay, i know who he is and what he is like. i’m not a fool, i’ve been crushing on him for 2 years and obviously know he is a playboy. I’m just mad at myself for still falling in love with him.”

“so, what are you going to do?”

“act like nothing happened.”

“what why?”

“make him feel guilty. when we break up, i cry, beg him to stay and he would say some mean shit. maybe do some bad shit for him to make him regret.”

“isn’t your dad going to do something?”

“i don’t know. he already knows jake and what he does. he won’t be surprised. of course, as a dad instinct he maybe might punish him or be harder on him but jake will just think it’s because he is the captain.”

“why are you so calm about this?”

“it’s something i knew was too good to be true. jake would never go for someone like me.” you sighed, “i don’t have anything. I might even be worse than nothing. I just-” you felt yourself choking up. A tear falls and you wiped it away as you bitterly chuckle.

“I was never a confident person but i guess dating jake for a week brought out a little confidence in myself.” you took out a cigarette stick out from your pocket.

“you smoke?” heeseung’s eyes widened.

“yeah, when it gets too stressed and right now…i kinda need it. after what i saw.”

“does your dad know about this?”

“no. i don’t always smoke and if i do, i go out to the park to do so.” jake runs into the field. you hid the cigarette bud into your pocket.

“hi baby.” jake pecks your lips. you smiled.

“love, you don’t have anything after practice right?”

“I do, i have some physics homework to do.”

lies. you are going to fuck someone.

“oh, i was going to invite you over to watch a movie with me, since we haven’t had a date in a while.”

“sorry, baby. There are tons of homework that the teacher gave.”

lies again. did he forget we are in the same physics class? the teacher didn’t even assign any homework.

you pout.

“then, it’s okay. maybe another time.” you smiled. you were about to leave when jake holds your wrist.

“where are you going? aren’t you going to watch me practice?”

“I need to study so i have to run to the library.” jake pouts.

“aww but i wanted you to watch.”

“there’s always another time.” you pinched his cheek and giggled.

there won’t be another time…

heeseung watches you leave, he turns to jake.

“where were you? coach was looking for you.”

“with aria. You know the usual.” jake says. heeseung rolls his eyes.

“let’s just practice. I have no time to educate and lecture you on breaking (name)’s heart.” heeseung says. He runs over to the middle of the field where the others were.

another week passes by, jake breaks up with you. Like you predicted while you begged for him to stay, he said a bunch of mean things.

“you thought i’d actually date you? (name) you’re not my type and you never will.”

but hearing him actually say it was painful. you were mad at him but you still had feelings for him, you cried when you came home. since there was no practice, your dad was home. he comforted you, bought you ice cream so you could soothe your heart with it. He hugged you, made you feel better.

when you went to school the next day, the news you heard was shocking but yet you expected it.

“Did you hear? jake is banned from playing in the next few matches.”

“yeah. doesn’t he practically breathe soccer? that’s his passion. why did the coach just ban him.”

You went to class. jake was sitting there, the spark in his eyes was gone. you sat away from him, you were concentrating on the lesson that you didn’t notice how jake was now staring at you.

He noticed how had lost the spark too. you didn’t wear a smile anymore, your face was neutral. The bell rings and you packed everything before leaving the classroom, jake followed you. then he noticed you were going to the back of the school where nobody was. A lot of the rebels went here to smoke and do other various things but he didn’t expect for you to go here.

He hides behind a wall. You threw your bag on the stacked cardboard boxes, took a cigarette packet and a lighter. you placed the stick in between your lips and lit it up. you inhaled the smoke and exhaled it. jake was shocked. he noticed someone else joining you. It was jay.

“so, he finally broke up with you?”

“mhm.” you simply answer. You wore a blank face.

“you did hear he was banned from playing for the next few games right?”

“yeah.”

“did you ask your dad to do this?”

“no, i’m not a vengeful person. jake broke my heart, cheated on me and well technically i wasn’t even his girlfriend since i was a bet. I know how much soccer means to him but i can’t stop my dad. like i told heeseung before, he may be a coach but he is still my dad first and so gets overprotective if i cry or get hurt.”

“next match is sort of important, think you could convince your dad to at least let jake play?” jay asks.

“I’ll try, my dad doesn’t listen to me until he sees me genuinely happy and now he’s seen me cry my eyes out because of jake.” you sighed, the smoke surrounding you. “Wait till he finds out i smoke.” you groaned imagining the lecture you’d be getting.

“you didn’t start smoking because of the break up, right?”

“It increased more after the break up, but no, i started because i was stressed.”

“you know…i never thought someone like you would try smoking.”

“neither did i but here we are.” you hold out a stick, “want one?”

“nah, i’m good. i don’t really want to try smoking. my dad smokes and well you know i’m trying not to be like my dad.”

“Mmm that’s good for you. yejun would be happy for you.”

“if she notices me.” you snort.

“she does, you’re just being a shithead to her. don’t be a jerk and act on your feelings.”

“I know, i know.” jay sighs, “well i have to go. Duty calls.”

“mmm, bye jay.” you say.

jake’s jaw clenches so you were the reason he was banned from playing? all because he broke your stupid little heart and the coach was being a protective dad? jake scoffs. he decides to just face you. he walks closer to you.

“so you’re the reason why i can’t play?” jake says. your eyes widened.

“what do you mean and why are you here?”

“you asked your dad to ban me from playing some of the most important matches?”

“jake, you know i’m not the type of person to do so. i know how much your games mean to you. i never wanted you to be banned.”

“yeah sure.” jake rolls his eyes. he looks down at the cigarette stick you still had in your hands. he grabs it and throws it to the ground. “don’t even try to ruin your own life because i will be ruining yours from now on.” he glares at you.

as jake starts to walk away…

“i have already ruined my own life. you don’t have to do the job. well, actually you already helped. after all, despite me loving you with all my heart, i was just a bet to you and i’m not your type.” you say as you grab your bag and shoving your shoulders past jake’s.

jake felt his heart burn, why did your words hurt him more than it should. Shouldn’t he be the one upset since your dad did ban him from playing?

another few days pass by, jake did make your life way harder than it should. he annoyingly called and teased you in class. obnoxiously laughed with the students on purpose so you couldn’t study, which made you stand up and pushed the chair in way too hard that it startled everyone. you went to the library after and it was so much better. Then he did one thing that was just downright horrible.

“jake, can you please just fucking stop it?” you say.

“stop what? your dad banned me from something i love because of you so you will suffer.” jake says.

“I said sorry and i can’t control my dad. he is stubborn and determined to make me happy after you know what.”

“what? your mom dying? because of you? you killed your mother right?” jake says. your heart drops, the room fell silent. jake’s jaw drops after he realises what he just spewed. you throw him the scariest glare. “hey, wait, I didn't mean it like that!” you ran out of the room, tears pouring out of your eyes.

as previously mentioned, you told jake the reason as to why your mom died. later further on while you were dating jake, you revealed that you felt guilty. you always blamed yourself because you thought you killed your mother and your dad wasn’t a fan of that. he was sure your mom wouldn’t put the blame on you just because she died due to birth complications. hence, your dad vowed to take care of you with such care and love as your mom would have. Of course, you still didn’t tell jake that your dad was their coach.

At the moment when you gave jake the nastiest glare ever, he remembered what you said. he put two and two together and just instant guilt filled him. jake instantly starts running around the school like a mad man trying to find you to apologise to you. he found you on the school’s rooftop.

“(name).” he softly says. he slowly gets closer to you. you were bawling your eyes out, jake wraps his arms around you. as much as you wanted to push jake away for hurting you, you couldn’t, he gave a sense of comfort to you. being in his arms was all you ever wanted and you hated yourself for that.

jake whispers nothing but apologies and soft comforting words. you really hated this. why were you so love with him? funny, love, a word you were afraid of at first. you knew you were in deep shit once you found out not only were you infatuated by jake but you loved him, a lot actually.

“i fucking hate you.” you cried out. jake holds you tighter.

“(name)...”

“I hate how much i love you. I hate that everything you do makes me love you more. I hate how no matter how much you hurt me, i still love you.” you pushed jake with all your might, jake sits next to you. “tell me why i’m such a fool for falling in love with you? knowing you don’t love me back.” you turned to look at jake with tears in your eyes.

“(name), i’m sorry-”

“just stay away from me. the more you stay, the more i fall for you and you don’t love me so what’s the point of you staying? to hurt me more?” jake stays silent and you scoffed.

“I guess that’s your answer. if you’re not leaving, i will.” you stood up slowly. jake stands up too.

“i’m not leaving you.”

“jake, i’m tired of this. i want to move on. can’t you just say you hate me and go?”

“no.”

“jake please don’t make this hard on me.”

“I don’t want to say i hate you and move on (name). I love you too.”

“jake please don’t.” he kisses you. fuck, why did you give in so easily. he sighs after pulling away.

“I realised while not being able to train, i got bored and the only thing that was on my mind was you. you were the only other thing keeping me sane.”

“you could’ve went out and played with other girls.”

“that’s the thing, while i wanted to do so, i couldn’t because all i was reminded of was your smile, your face and your personality. nobody would blatantly push me away playfully when we get more intimate all because they were shy. i loved that about you as a partner. every almost intimate thing we’ve done, you shyly pushed me away and it made me feel more in love than i should.”

“so what?”

“what i’m saying is…i fucking love you (name) and i swear on my soul that i’m not just playing around with you.”

“i can’t be so sure you know. after all, i was a bet previously.” jake curses under his breath.

“i-i’ll get sunghoon to apologise too.” jake thinks for a second, “or i’ll spend the $1000 on you. just for you.”

“jake. I don’t need you to spend money on me.”

“o-oh.”

“all i need is for you to genuinely be yourself and cut all those girls off. as much as i know you’re a playboy, i want to date someone loy-”

“DONE!” he shows his phone to you. everything single girl he played with had been blocked and even the cheerleader. he also deleted all the chats previously he had with them. “can i love you now?”

“jake, it’s seriously going to take a while.”

“then i’ll wait until you trust me.”

and it was true. jake stayed true to his words and never played around with any girls in your grade anymore. eventually, seeing as to how you were happier now, your dad allowed jake back on the team. though, your dad still kinda gives jake the stink eye since he still broke your heart.

little did your dad know (yet). that the cause of your happiness right now was the same cause of your heartbreak and pain. a month passes by, jake was in the locker room putting on his soccer boots. you entered the area and sat next to him.

“you came to see me play babe?” jake asks.

“yeah, class ended earlier than usual so i thought why not see my boyfriend play.” he pulls you onto his lap.

“mmm boyfriend huh? i don’t remember asking you out yet. did you just assume that baby?” you blush.

“No.” jake pecks your lips.

“kidding. i am yours. with or without labels. besides, doesn’t the husband and wife label fit better.”

“sim jaeyun!” you slapped his chest. jake laughs. the laughter dies down and it was all silent. jake leans closer and kisses you. your hands wrapping around his neck, smiling through the kiss. as the kiss deepens, you hear someone clearing their throat. you pulled away only to be stunned to see your dad so you scrambled off jake’s lap, tugging on your school skirt and fixing yourself. jake’s breath hitches.

“dad.” you say. your dad switches his gaze from you to jake.

“as (name)’s dad, i just want to say don’t break my daughter’s heart again. as your coach, i want to remind you, no making out in the locker room.” your dad comes closer to pat jake’s back. “come on captain, everyone is waiting for you on the field for practice.” your dad smiles at jake before he leaves to get back to the others.

jake stands up.

“umm, your dad caught us…you know…kissing. He’s not going to murder me in my sleep right?”

“no, unless you made me cry again.”

“does tears of pleasure count?” you smacked jake’s arm.

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