#what. do i have but a shell.

[mainfaggot]

I wanna kill myself

#in both a serious and unserious way #the serious way is bc i feel like i keep massively fucking myself over which affects my parents and sisters too and i cant get myself to be #realistic and healthily optimistic like im so fucking pessimistic it's a major concern #the unserious way is way more funny im so fucked guys 😭😭😭😭 #this crush is so pathetic. more dire than last time #i just stopped functioning i couldn't get more than ONE SENTENCE out to her even tho i ended up sitting across from her holy shit she #probably thinks im some moody weirdo bc last time i was malfunctioning but super enthusiastic and this time #i was like . quiet. and just. shy in a way that made me feel uncomfortable so why wouldn't it extend to her #this morning i was like idk what the point of anything is. why am i even trying to befriend her #wont this just end stupidly like last time i had a crush in uni? like the time before that in high school? #i have nothing to offer like lets say by some grand miracle she and i study together we get friendly we become #acquaintances and then it turns out shes also Interested in me #then what???? what do i have that she doesn't already have in her life??? #i feel like i cant GIVE anything all i do is impose myself upon people #like deal with [this] -> me and all my baggage #and its like okay if she likes You she'll gladly deal w the rest but thats the thing why would she even LIKE ME #what. do i have but a shell. #an image. #i have nothing but neuroticism and depression underneath #thats what it feels like although realistically that cant be fully true #and also isnt it superficial of me to have a crush on her? all i know is that shes beautiful she speaks spanish so well and that shes quiet #in the way thats charming and im kind of afraid of disturbing her peace #z.post

[theerurishipper]

Tim Drake, for no reason at all:

Dick Grayson, Tim's big brother in every conceivable way for the past several years:

#DC #DCU #DC Comics #Dick Grayson #Tim Drake #Jason Todd #Nightwing #Red Robin #Red Hood #Robin #Batman #My meta #DC say sike right now say it RIGHT NOW #Like if this was a fanfic it would 100% have the “Dick Grayson is a bad brother” tag on it #It just gives that vibe #Then again so does this entire comic #Batman and Robin Eternal my beloathed #Like I know this was in the New 52 or whatever and I'm really late to the party #But it's still so wild to me how someone can get it so goddamn wrong #DC what the FUCK are you doing #Forget the conspiracy against Dickbabs and TT by Dickkory shippers (lollll) #The real conspiracy is against Dick and Tim's brotherly relationship #They haven't been the same since the New 52 rolled about and I miss them so much #We got a few moments with them recently but that's literally a shell of their former bond #We've lost so much and for what

[soup-child]

The fact that Adaine "i don't know if im asexual im 15" Abernant and Riz "why is everyone so horny im definately aroace" Gukgak both being in the same show is incredibly important to me

#like i was just like adaine at 15 and have slowly shifted more towards riz but i like that both are shown #having 2 characters with similar aspec experiences and showing how they react differently is great #and do i think adaine is ace? not really i think if she feels attraction she would put that on the back burner while she deals with her #anxiety and her family being the worst and even now thats shes dealt with all that i dont think its a storyline shell dive into #i think what im trying to get at is that having people support her being ace would help adaine regardless of how she ends up identifying #and i think that riz having a friend (one who doesnt identify as ace) is important for him and feeling like he fits in while being aroace #i dont know if that made any sense but they are best friends #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fhjy #riz gukgak #adaine abernant #you'll have to pry aroace riz from my cold dead hands #<- thats my aroace riz tag

[jeeaark]

If Greygold was a companion, what would be the best way to initiate a romance with them? Would they go for the “L” word early or an Act or two later?

The "L" word was lube, right? Right? Else showering Durge/Tav with kisses Gomez-Addams-Style is the alternative.

Maybe the Nat 20 romance isn't the best way for Tav/Durge, but it sure is for Greygold. You just know Greygold scared that Dream Guardian away the first time and has been low-key obsessed with that armor since

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #durge #greygold #bg3 fanart #bg3 comic #Sometimes I have to make Greygold's idea of a good time sould like its wild stuff in order to make a really REALLY dumb joke #But truly they just wanna cuddle the SHIT out of anyone who goes out of their way to get that dream guardian armor for them #everyone thank the anon for the “L” word joke #and the silliest thing I have ever drawn #what are you doing to me guys- got me drawing durgexgreygold fluff and I still don't know jack about durge howdidthishappen lskdjdklj #I suppose Greygold's favorite type of folk are dorks who are complete disasters with mushy bits- tough coconut shell or not #so. every companion in this game

[dangans-ur-ronpas]

happy pride month

#naegami #makoto naegi #byakuya togami #danganronpa #trans byakuya #polaris polanski #that post is ff naegami to me to a terrifyingly accurate degree #makoto and his wife who wants him to quit his job #byakuya casually dropping bombshells on a shell-shocked and exhausted man #and then daydreaming about a better life they could have together while makoto's still reeling with the implications #if i reconcile my bizarro upbringing and my convoluted perception of gender roles and current position in this foundation #the only way i can get him to leave on his own volition is to marry him. in a straight way. bc we're both straight. what if i was a girl #makoto's resigning himself to being ff's dog for the forseeable future. meanwhile byakuya is doing the same but also having egg emotions #not featured: kyoko who was sitting on the opposite side of makoto and was in the middle of a conversation with him. that got interrupted #she immediately downs her shot after byakuya says that out loud and texts the other survivors who each owe her $10. toko owes her $20 #tgirl egg byakuya in her 20s in an apocalypse as a middle manager is a very specific headcanon that i enjoy a lot #only thing keeping her going is her bisexuality and the reminder that 'i went off the grid while crossdressing before i can do it again' #my arts

[a-study-in-bullshit]

i refuse to be embarrassed of who I am and what you once were just because you changed and think I should too

#webweaving #web weaving #the queer experience #queer #trans experience #queer identity #queer solidarity #the human condition #very aimed but shell never see it #recently a friend of mine said she didnt think she liked girls anymore which id no issue with experimentation of gender and sexuality is #smth everyone should have a right to do w/o judgement but shes now acting like i should change as well seeming like shes embarrassed #of what i am and what a lot of our other friends r #bit too personal for this acc lmao #a-study-in-bullshit

[vigilskeep]

if you took a bad enough hit while dao rock armour was active, could you have scars from blunt force trauma that spiderweb like cracks in stone

#i should be so fucking asleep right now but hear me out. minerva. landsmeet duel. loghain has shield bash. do you hear what im saying #i was thinking about magical scars for him actually #but that fucking armour. you have to cook him in it like a lobster in its shell #sometimes i think mages are overpowered for that fight realistically #and then i remember those close quarters and how fucking massive i think he is #he’s like a foot and a half taller than minerva. crikey #okay im saying fuck a lot but the crikey is a sign. need to sleep. need to sleep #but minerva literally cracked open during the landsmeet divorce #and only afterwards when nobody is watching letting her skin turn back from stone #holds it for so long that wynne can’t fix it clean #loghain SHOULD have a scar too for matchie matchies #its crushing prison she usually uses. crumpling that man like a tin can #that could fuck you up. less visible though. i’ll workshop #i dont think shed get enough of a grip to pull off something like #a handprint burn #maybe a slice across the cheek from a blade of ice #i’ll workshop. i’ll workshop. goodnight

[arowinter]

did you guys know i have autism about these dragons

#made using tldraw.com my fave chart site #yes all dragons are polyamorous. why do you ask #commonly asked: sunny is demiaroace (demiromantic demisexual) glory is alloaro peril is arospec and moon is transmasc #disclaimers: #1. i am not mspec. i give character bi/pan/omni labels based on what i think they would identify as #2. i am just making silly headcanons and not trying to upset anyone. i will block u if ur weird/annoying about them #3. you legally have to laugh at my turtle she/shell pronouns ive never been that clever before #wings of fire #lgbt headcanons #wof #wings of fire headcanons #perunny #sunnyspeaker #deathtide #jambringer #jamapple #lunatail #moonbli #moontle #wintle #winterjou #lynxfall #blicket #perunnyspeaker #polyamory

[turrondeluxe]

Do you think Breakdown has nightmares about what happened with MECH? I think Knock Out would be a nice thing to wake up to if he ever has night terrors

(P.S: Do transformers even have nightmares?)

Oh he definitely has

#i like to think they do indeed dream #added to all the time from war and shit his night terrors just get worse #knock out there's for him when he realizes something wrong #(I think bd doesnt really tell knock out when hes having one of his night terrors) #having knock out with him always calms him down tho #also just wanted to tell that i drew this while listening to jack stauber's Just Take My Wallet on loop #and the whole What's the softest way to say #until the end of the song just makes me think of ko slowly losing bd off because of the trauma until he becomes a shell of a man (bot) #((quite literally)) #also hey yall how are yall doing #im doing Awful but hey! this ask was from april and its answered now B) #might answer a bit more before the semester starts again #ask #anon #tfp #transformers prime #tfp knock out #tfp knockout #tfp breakdown #breakdown #knock out #kobd #maccadam #doodles #my art

[toddtakefive]

thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.

the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)

there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.

#and like obviously it’s BAD in the long run and his isolation IS only making his life worse but… genuinely he’d have been alright #all things considered #it’s super interesting to me how it’s neil who starts the domino effect of todd’s life becoming Less Shit #both by beliving in him and putting faith in him that he’s never seen before and refusing to let him hide away #but it isn’t a savior moment on neil’s part #and i find it so odd when people frame it as one #todd is like… actively irritated at him in that scene 😭 #neil is right that todd needs to get out of his shell and put himself out there and Believe in himself #but todd can’t accept it yet because he can’t see what neil sees in him yet and doesn’t believe it exists at all #and it frustrates him because unlike everyone else neil REFUSES to give up on him #and as far as todds concerned it’ll be for nothing #as far as todd’s concerned ​neil isn’t a savior or a hero in that scene he’s an annoyance #a necessary one in the grand scheme of things but an annoyance all the same #i think people forget that just because todd DOES want to break out of his shell (‘don’t you think you could be?’ / ‘no! i… i don’t know!’ + #‘come on you heard keating don’t you want to *do* something about it?’ / ‘*yes* but…’) doesn’t mean he knows how or believes he actually CAN #todds autonomy can be taken away from him a lot (ironic) and he can be twisted into someone with no opinions or thoughts or whims + #outside of neil but that isn’t really the case #and a part of that blame lands on the movie because todd doesn’t get explored a lot but there’s still evidence of him being his own person #he’s not a yesman and he tells neil when his ideas are stupid (keeping the audition from his father) or he just doesn’t personally agree + #(the entire ‘no’ scene) and he functions perfectly well when neil isn’t around and while they aren’t focuses + #there are short scenes where todds alone or scenes that start eith them apart that make it clear they aren’t attatched to each other + #in the way people can often write them to be (that is in the trenches if the other is missing) #this post and all these tags are my long winded way of saying FUCK the codependent anderperry thing some people subscribe to it makes me #mad #neil’s goal is to help todd grow into himself and become his own person and find his identity more than anything #and todd doesn’t need neil to hold his hand to do literally anything and everything he’s a normal guy with anxiety #come on guys #dps #dead poets society #todd anderson

[the---hermit]

Lately my internal dialogue has just been my compromising with myself as if i were a little kid, like if we do this and this we can skip class on wednesday

#is it a rewards system bc it doesn't feel like it #it feels like i am doing stuff to feel less guilty if by chance i decide to treat myself with what i need #and what i need is to be wrapped in a blanket and left alone for a month #you know they say that when caterpillars turn into butterflies they turn into goo before they are reformed? #well i am said goo right now but i don't have a protective shell i am just being pocked with sticks by life #i woke up dramatic this week i guess #cris speaks #the---hermit

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day #how they're already memories since moments pass so fast #everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever #and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go? #should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you. #on the other hand it will be the last time i see you. #and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed #it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily #so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore? #im going to be alone for so much of my life. #i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day #ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more. #how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been #the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief #and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true. #sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately #id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again #like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night #one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again. #talkys #i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it? #how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath.... #i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him. #i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore. #i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone. #and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter. #i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i #hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day

[bambeebirdie]

This is for @bluepeachstudios ‘s Ghost in a Shell. It’s really good you should read it.

I looked at exactly one picture of Jupiter Jim and went “yeah this should be enough to draw him.” I will not be answering if it actually was

Have some bonus content under the cut!

And sketches

(I love any character who can say “I don’t want to go back to prison” it’s like the funniest thing to me)

#i don’t know what compelled me to hand write that text. it’s not very good #we just don’t do things the easy way here. that’s why I render with an app on my phone. i don’t believe in simplicity #i had a plan for a lot more full body shots but then I couldn’t find any good lair references so I decided to screw it #I’ve never drawn rise characters before. this is my first time drawing them and expressions wow #I’m not very good at style copying and my default is so much rounder than rise is so that was just a woof #i should say all text in these shit posts aren’t canon at all. you can figure out where they likely take place yes #but they never show up in story #just a little fyi incase anyone decides to check it out #the entire inspiration for this post was just watching 2003 and going #WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DID THAT?? #ghost causally dropping the most wild facts about his life has like endless shit post potential #yeah I went to space. stole a ship. went to jail. aided a fugitive. held a dictator at gunpoint #and folks that’s just one arc. go watch 2003 #i debated making angst as it is likely more currently topical but I’m a shit poster at heart #chapter 29. how we feeling boys? I’m actually doing rather well. i think just the fact the build up is over and I’m so tired I no longer #have emtions I’m just pumped for the next chapter whoo! #i started to lose mojo very fast while doing this but I wanted to finish today so I did. i hope it’s not too obvious #yeah anyways go read ghost in a shell #go watch 2003 #go read ghost in a shell #i’m gonna go to bed now #ghost in the shell #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2018 #fan fiction recommendations #fan art of a fan fic #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles 2003

[orcelito]

Super sexy me is so sexy I accidentally set off the fire alarm while baking pie shells for my pumpkin pie. And now I don't know if I should've even baked them in the first place. But well. Too late now 👍

#speculation nation #i am not a fucking baker so something always goes wrong when i make these pies 😭😭😭 #but i am craving my grandma's pumpkin pies... i gotta bake them myself if i want them rn... #see the thing is ive previously bought pre-baked like. graham crusts #but i was like 'that crust sucks lets get a different thing' #so i got tbis dough shit that i put into pans. the box said to bake it. and so i was like ok cool #then as they were in the oven i looked at the pumpkin pie recipe for starting the filling #and then saw that it says 'unbaked shells' and so 😥😥😥😥 #but too late now and it worked fine with the graham. and well. the filling is what i care about the most. #the crusts are just an excuse for having pie filling. #anyways i did set off the alarm. i think it's bc the oven was on so hot #the box says 450 which is hotter than i ever usually do. the pies themselves ask for 350 #so well i turned the oven off and i have the microwave fan running #which oh yeah the fucking handle to my microwave fucking broke. it fucking broke. #i think i'll duct tape it or smth lol. microwave itself works fine still. and i dont want people in my apartment. #it's just the bottom part but it sure did just. splinter off. that shit is Broke broke. #and i scared the shit outta my cats And me with that damned alarm. and now i am just waiting. #calming down some. chilling the crusts. soon i will resume making the pie filling. #it's not like it even takes much time i am just. Nervous now. #i wanna let the oven cool off more b4 i have it going for like 45 mins lol #the crusts are kinda ugly. one of them is inflated on the bottom. these pies r going to be disasters. #so long as they still taste good......thats what i care about the most... #maybe my crusts will end up nuclear... if that happens tho ill just eat the filling out of the crust... its fine... ill be fine... #😭😭😭😭😭😭 why is everything so hard

[fidgetspringer-art]

The Shimmer Shields - Uniform design

#digital art #illustration #artists on tumblr #art #dungeons and dragons #dnd #ttrpg #homebrew #concept art #original characters #ocs #my ocs #Fen tag #Alowin tag #Setting: Heim #I was gonna do this rendered all pretty and stuff #but i've already spent too much time fiddling with this so flats will have to do #i really wanted to get the Shields uniform down on paper #as well as two of my silly little guys #Fen is wearing the standard officer uniform that people would commonly see on the streets of Novo-Mellior #Alowin is wearing the private hire uniform since he gets assigned to Tethry after a failed attempt on his life #The private hire uniform comes with a cape meant to cover the sword at their hip during formal events. #also anyone who ends up on private hire is ribbed pretty heavily by the rest of the soldiers since #that often means they get assigned either to some arrogant noble or an important caster (like an archmage) #and with the way that Shields and casters don't get along very well you'll get bullied for babysitting one. #The Shields value their uniforms and gear very highly since to a lot of them it's the only thing of significance that they own. #Their bracers and shields (not pictured cause idk what i want to do for them yet) are tiled with flail snail shell #which allows them to both block and reflect any spells cast at them back on the caster #it's also where the name of their order comes from cause shiny #I had big plans for this piece but at the end of the day it's just a design sheet

[soap-ify]

hello (going to pretend that i didn't disappear AGAIN)

#i'm sorry #i have been saying the same thing for a while now and i hate myself for it #these weeks have just been so horrible and i'm just so?? #i have lost interest in everything and now i just feel like an empty shell #it's an awful feeling i can't bring myself to do anything no matter how much i want to #it just hurts a lot i don't really know what to do at this point #i suppose this was me taking a break again i haven't written at all #i tried to. came up with two paragraphs and then dropped it #life has just been so weird lately and i really miss you all. #ANYWAYS... #ruru rambles