#well whatever now it's online hope u like it folks

[trenchcoatsbi]

yoo could i ask for a playlist for a tallulah qsmp fictive mayhaps? she has an insatiable hunger for music it's frightening (/silly) ,, she likes soundtracks (child of light is her current fav), stuff like the oh hellos/cavetown/bears in trees, and generally cozy sorta feeling songs, plus anything lullaby-ey if that makes sense :] hope u guys are well! sorry this is a tad long or vague hhaha -–🔉🌠

hello! Admittedly I rushed this a bit I’m not as sure about these as I was about 🌾🪶 Phil’s but I took a swing we’ll see if I missed later I guess. I tried to include as many artists as possible so you have plenty of people to look through since you said she was a bit insatiable when it came to music! I did phone in the last few songs like the lullaby-eque ones. yeah again this was a bit of a mess on my end. Though I have been writing down songs for this for a while I didn't have an easy time narrowing down things as to what I wanted to include so at this point I've just thrown my hands in the air and declared it done now. Sorry if the playlist is messy or unsatisfactory.

Art used is by @/sallomezz on tumblr and can be found here!

Hope you find something to enjoy on the playlist or in my bonus ramblings below! -phil

okay so I kinda cheated my self imposed rule of one song per artist but in my defense I couldn’t choose between Moonlight and Paperwork… They’re my two favorite Fish in a Birdcage songs and I thought both were kinda fitting so oh well both of them are there.

Anywho I could go on and on and on about how I was this close to fighting myself to the death (<- hyperbolic) over this. Let's just get to other recommendations I didn't put on for one reason or another.

Starting with musicians I put on there but didn't include a song from for whatever reason:

Myxrite! My personal favorite song Now and Again doesn't look like its on Spotify at all so uh yeah I'm linking it here because I like it a lot.

Bug Hunter is on there too but he's currently in the top ten of my favorite musicians so yeah here's more suggestions! Go With The Flow and Listen to Your Mom pretty high up there in terms of my favorite songs. Making Up Words is one of my favorites lyrically (though I must say that Disco in the Panic Room is up there too), and of course I have to mention Try My Best and Slow Burn because I keep using lyrics from them to inspire drawings (that I'll never post anywhere online). Okay fuck I need to move on before I link literally every single one of his songs lol

Same as Bug Hunter, The Narcissist Cookbook is up there in terms of my favorite musician + he put the MOTH album (one of his old ones that wasn't on on youtube yet) on youtube recently so he's been in my head a lot. Ghost Stories and UNWELCOME GUESTS (warning: unwelcome guests starts with a phone ringing noise idk my friends always get surprised by it so I'm just gonna mention it in case) are rahgjagh they are so good they exist in my head rent free

Madilyn Mei has been on loop in my head cause a friend of mine. Anyway Six Legs (tippy tappy toes) and Sleeping in the Kitchen. just live in my brain now because of them lol

The actual recommendations that aren't just more songs from folk on the playlist already:

I Fight Dragons! I fucking love them! Their music tends to have techy/8-bit noises and they're a bit more on the rock side of things but their stuff is really good! Good Morning Sunlight and Oh The Places You'll Go... They are the most <3 to me forever... Sunny Afternoon too... God I love IFD I need to make my friends listen to them with me more

If you like IFD you may also like Jonathan Coulton or the portal song guy as my friends know him lol. Nobody Loves You Like Me or Now I Am an Arsonist or really anything from the Artificial Heart Album is always my go to for showing people besides the songs from Portal (Still Alive and Want You Gone) that my friends know.

Similar to IFD, a lot of Going Spaceward's songs have techy noise in the like proper releases, but his youtube has a lot of acoustic versions of his songs that don't have those. His covers are good but really most of his music is just funky. Uh since I will absolutely not narrow this down in any timely fashion I'm just going to link the entire Can You Hear It Album and uh Count Past 23.

Joseph Dubay is a musician I only got into like a few months ago but I really like his stuff, kinda similar vibes to what i was going for with this playlist but a lot of his songs just didnt fit the vibe so I didn't feel like adding them. That being said I am obliged to tell absolutely everyone I talk about music with to listen to Pastel Goth and 4evr so yeah.

Completely different vibe but San Fermin may be of interest to y'all! Astronaut and The Woods are the ones I listen to most from them but everything about their music just scratches the brain itch for me. Their stuff is indie rock which is kinda in the genres of the bands you mentioned!

A bit of a different suggestion but since you mentioned her liking soundtracks AZALI might be a cool youtube channel to check out! They make short songs in FL Studio and idk I'll be honest I don't listen to soundtracks or things like you mentioned in that part of your ask but I do listen to every upload AZALI makes and I think they're all pretty neat. The songs are all like a minute or two long but I like to just put them on loop when I'm writing. Truth, Violence, Warmth is my go to for writing for this specific project, but Mechanical God was how I found their channel and I'm just fond of City of Shattered Glass so there those three are my suggestions.

#phil posts #sbi asks #playlists #qsmp fictive #tallulah fictive #🔉🌠 anon #somethings might be a bit messed up wrote this while half asleep haha #if anything is messed up I'll fix it when I wake up -phil

[truckfreaks]

Something I feel like people are actively ignoring is that the creator didn't even say "u can't do that!" ... All they asked was that people hold off on posting it in tags until he gets a wrangle on the situation. That also isn't carte blanche to do whatever you want. But... Nobody's saying "don't do it" or "you cant". However, you also need to recognize that this is this singular person's livelihood, and often times that can be somewhat detrimental to one's personal and professional opportunities... and safety. Really all anyone is asking is that you slow down for a second and/or at least just keep it to a private 18+ disc or something, FOR NOW, until some kind of nsfw tag is defined.

And nsfw doesn't just mean sexual content, so the argument of purity culture here is not entirely valid in my opinion. Nsfw also is in regards to horror elements, of which we still don't have a clear definition of within the universe of Welcome Home. So if you're going to create content for something the creator goes out of their way to try to tag and make blockable for people who are uncomfortable with certain triggers, you should also be mindfully tagging and/or including content warnings for those items as well. At the end of the day yes, we all curate our own online experiences, but a fandom isn't going to suffer horribly if people just take an extra step or two to make it a safer place for everyone involved - as in, the people who want to see and create that content, and the people who do not. Like, the creator is (again) not asking you not to do something, but just that you are mindful and respectful of *all* the members of your community. Because that's how a good community grows.

Ultimately we can't curate our experience if things aren't being properly tagged or proper warnings aren't being disclosed. So it isn't fair to put the onus on either side - "do" or "do not" participate, that is - and the only thing that really makes an iota of sense is slowing down until the fervor blows over and, additionally, being mindful of how the elements of your content might affect others. And part of that is recognizing that right now, the fandom is insanely huge and confusing and sprawling and messy - which is okay, it's new, it's exciting, whatever. I get it. I've seen this happen over and over and over. But you also gotta respect that the creator of the content that you're policing in either direction is just one person, and was not even informed ahead of time that his content would be posted on a massive YouTube channel. Please take a moment to empathize with how scary, confusing, and overwhelming that must feel.

In short - give each other more grace. Stop slinging insults at each other that this one is a puritan or that one is unsafe. Stop getting mad at someone for trying to get a hold on their feelings and ensuring their safety (and by extension, the safety of their fans) after amassing a following literally overnight. I understand it is hard sometimes when you are very excited about something, but a group of tens of thousands of people brought together by the same interest are bound to be full of many different kinds of folks! And there's gonna be disagreements! But if we work together to be respectful of one another, we can move forward in a way that allows all of us to curate our experience within the context of our shared interest.

I don't speak for anyone else, only myself, but I think this is what makes the most sense moving forward and I hope other people agree. I love Welcome Home very much, just like everyone else here, and I think the fandom is more viable if we work towards helping one another rather than getting angry and misconstruing things.

#welcome home

[20aagust]

Taehyung’s taken pictures in New Zealand as anime-inspired posters

#btsgfx #btscreatorsnet #bt21net #mgroupsedit #bts #jungkook #taehyung #namjoon #hoseok #bangtan #gfx #mygfx #god i've been on these for days #i still think there's something off #well whatever now it's online hope u like it folks

[yaemona]

modern ! childe headcanons

contents both sfw and nsfw, childe x f ! reader, mentions of semi-public sex/car sex, mentions of alcohol, cunnilingus, this is very stream of consciousness

a.n just a little something whilst i figure out what fic i wanna work on next. i have a ton of these for him specifically, it’s kinda crack and jokes but like also. . . i’m right. anyway ppl seem to like my modern takes so i thought i would share this. i hope it gives u a good laugh at the very least

minors and ageless blogs do not interact.

sfw

i’ll get this out of the way: he plays league of legends. you know he does. you can’t tell me i’m wrong.

we are off to a rocky start

he’s sporadic in nature, the way he takes care of himself follows that pattern

he works out pretty regularly, often going out on jogs at the asscrack of dawn before going to his classes. he manages a 3.5 ish range gpa but like

he puts a bunch of things off til very last minute and then suddenly he has 5 assignments due, two of which are papers and he is surviving off the raw adrenaline of having a deadline to meet

during finals there is not a single light on behind those eyes and u fear for his sanity

does he sleep? you genuinely do not know.

his thirst for the thrill of battle is translated directly as a thirst to play league for 15hrs straight and not leave his room

ah speaking of classes, his major is drumroll please

🥁🥁🥁

oceanography !

hear me out, this is more than just a clever incorporation of his fucking narwhal summons kind of

he visited an aquarium once as a young lad and his eyes lit up so bright and he had the biggest smile on his face

he just about lost his shit at the moon jelly tank

and in the tube you walk through where the fish and creatures are swimming above and all around you, god he felt like he was in some sort of fairytale

he takes his younger siblings to the aquarium nowadays either when he goes home for holidays or when they come to visit

i just realized the ocean is kinda like. . . a deep dark abyss. well. there you have it folks at least he didn’t fall into it ig

anywayyy he also very much does love fishing. he has tried to drag scara out on multiple occasions. scara refuses. thoma was keen though !

yes, modern ! thoma and childe are fishing buddies

there’s no good place to slot this in but he’s allergic to peanuts. idk he just is. i have nothing more to say on this matter. shrimp is on thin fucking ice but it doesn’t send him into anaphylactic shock so he is swallowing a bucket of bubba gump’s popcorn shrimp as we speak

percy jackson phase as a kid. has a lot of compartmentalized information about greek mythology now. he still finds it interesting and if it fits into a conversation he’s willing to go on about it for quite awhile

it is currently 10pm. your phone rings. it is childe. he’s 5 minutes away from your house, are you agreeing to going out to get slushees?

yes, of course you are!

cherry slushee with nerds is his go to

the friend who is always down for literally anything, and always invites you along to do whatever it is

no money? no problem, he’s paying for you. don’t try to fight him on it you’re not going to win he’s persistent

love language is gift giving

that really specific thing you mentioned wanting? he remembers. staring at an item in a store that you really do want, contemplating extra hard before ultimately setting it down? he’s buying it for you. he sees something while he’s out and about or perusing online that reminds him of you? he doesn’t even hesitate.

one item in particular he got you for one of your birthdays is a necklace

it’s a dainty little thing, you mutter something about being afraid to break it. he laughs.

“trust me, you won’t. they’re good quality. here, let me put it on you.”

childe can be quite clumsy at times, but his movements then were so careful and gentle as he clasped the necklace

it’s a lightweight chain adorned with a sand dollar pendant, it even came with a cheesy little message card

“you are bright, beautiful and one of a kind. the odds of knowing someone like you are one in a million. . . lucky me! wear your necklace as a reminder that i love you.”

and you do wear it, very often. the memory and the gift itself always put a smile on your face.

and he still gets giddy every time he sees it around your neck

anyway now i’ll remind you he plays league of legends and we’ll get back to that

he also plays valorant, that one is more so for fun and he’s constantly fucking around

he facetimes you often and sometimes he just has his phone propped up against something on his desk facing him while he’s queuing in valorant with friends

“who does he play val with?” im so glad you asked.

venti, itto, and hu tao.

respective agents they main: jett, brimstone/raze, and reyna

childe mains omen. just feel like he would.

venti is a mutual friend childe actually met through you

but the other two are online friends childe met in solo queues, and they exchanged discords after they just kinda hit it off

after a few times childe had you on facetime they complained enough to the point where childe just gave you the disc invite and added you to the call

and honestly. . . listening to the four of them is the funniest shit you’ve ever heard.

pity the poor soul who is solo queuing and ends up with them

childe has been known on multiple occasions to jokingly flirt with whoever it is

it’s even funnier when they flirt back or instigate it in the first place. you can’t hear the person obviously, but boy oh boy are the screams of the other three in both amusement and horror utterly hilarious

childe and venti are screaming at each other about how the other needs to stop sucking so back

“WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME THAT WAS ONE FUCKING ROUND IM LITERALLY TOP FRAGGING FUCK YOU!”

venti does it because of the amount of joy it brings him to piss childe off ( there’s a reason they don’t play league together anymore )

hu tao is giggling up a storm and itto’s trying to hold a conversation with you about your day as you’re crying from laughter

if i don’t move on from gamer ! childe now, i don’t think i ever will

childe is. . . a reckless menace. you think whoever granted him his driver’s license should probably be fired yet he’s never gotten a ticket

he’s safer when you’re in the car but he’s still playing speed racer. if you’re really frightened then he will drive the actual speed limit and be more cautious.

surprise! he can be a good driver

that’s nice hon but what about your safety

early morning trips to breakfast diners in your pajamas, most often after all nighters pulled or particularly sleepless nights

sleepovers that involve you two in the kitchen baking brownies at 3am and you two dance around while they’re in the oven

he’d try to jump on your back and have you give him piggy back rides, and damn near knocks you over with the sheer force he runs at you with alone

his spotify playlists are a mess he listens to literally everything

toxic by britney spears or kiss me thru the phone comes on through the aux in the car and he is giving a full performance

oh yeah speaking of which, i think he’d genuinely enjoy karaoke

he doesn’t take it too seriously, he’s there for the laughs and the food/drinks

extroverts will be extroverts

pleads at you with puppy dog eyes to sing breaking free from hsm

just give in, the smile on his face would be so worth it

nsfw

horny. like. always.

it does not take much to get him worked up and when he does he makes it ur problem too

he just skips past subtle cues, god forbid when you’re out in public

face buried in the crook of your neck, leaving hickies while you two are sitting in a corner; hand resting very high up on your thigh under the table, fingers dangerously close to brushing up against you

y’all have left some gatherings and gone home early

he has gotten quite . . .impatient a handful of times which has led to him fucking you in a few bathrooms and once in the car but like here’s the thing

childe is tall he’s got spindly limbs and the backseat of a car isn’t very spacious

so it was very clumsy and the two of you were doing a lot of giggling the entire time he still fucked ur brains out though

before you were in a relationship, y’all started out as fwb

he invited a few friends ( you included ) over for a small get together. drinking, games, what have you

childe, when drunk, is very touchy. and he already found you quite attractive while sober. put two and two together and welllll

you end up in a very heated makeout session after he’s dragged you to his room

friends passed out in the living room so you try not to make too much noise

you get very dirty looks from them the next morning

childe brought up the proposition of fwb and to be frank it was the best sex you’d ever had so you were keen

that went on for a couple of months

then, one morning, you woke up in his bed alone to the smell of pancakes?? waffles?? dunno but it smelled so fucking good

you get up, pull his shirt he’d been wearing the previous night over your head and walk out to see what’s up

god looking back on it now it seems like a scene out of a very cheesy romcom

the kitchen counter is a bit of a mess, but an organized one

and childe’s standing at the stove with the sleeves of the hoodie he’s wearing rolled up and in his boxers flipping a pancake over

sunlight is creeping in through the window and lights up the room in such a delicate way. . . and you feel a flutter in your chest

he notices you staring and flashes you a bashful smile it’s . . .different from how you’re used to seeing him, but it still feels like him

“ah, good morning! i wasn’t sure what you liked but . . .there’s some eggs and bacon, and a few pancakes already done, so go ahead and help yourself girlie.”

his freckled cheeks are flushed with the brightest pink, ginger hair unkempt from sleep and last night’s escapades

you walk up behind him and wrap your arms around his waist, planting a kiss against his shoulder blade

“morning,” you yawn.

he could get used to this.

you perch yourself on one of the empty countertops and watch as he finishes up, talking while he rinses the dishes in the sink, and come to the decision that the two of you want to try something more than your current relationship

and that’s that

yes he did eat you out on the kitchen counter afterwards what do you expect seeing you in just his shirt drove him crazy

yaemona © 2022 Please do not repost any of my work on other sites, especially without my permission. This includes, but is not limited to: TikTok, Wattpad, ao3, Twitter.

#genshin childe #childe x reader #childe headcanons #childe imagines #childe smut #genshin smut #genshin headcanons #childe x reader smut

[illnessfaker]

do you have any resources on OSDD? like more in depth than just the diagnostic criteria, i'm very familiar with those, i guess more...people talking abt what it feels like? I have cptsd and I've been noticing things very similar to what you described in your post for a long time now. I thought I had DID for sure a while ago, but I was also actively manic/psychotic, so when that calmed down I assumed I had just been delusional. But the identity disturbances and dissociation persist. I don't think it's DID now it's osdd if it's anything but I'm wary of saying that for sure and rly would like some i guess more descriptive accounts of how symptoms are for someone with it. Sorry if this is a lot/you don't have anything of that nature, I'm glad to hear you're figuring out your own multiplicity and hope the understanding helps you in your healing process!

firstly, thank you for your kind words 😊

@/this-is-not-dissociative has a lot of info about did/osdd-1 (and other dissociative stuff) as well as having did/osdd-1 vs. dissociation in bpd/cptsd - though it's possible to have did/osdd-1 and bpd/cptsd of course - and did-research.org talks about osdd-1 a little bit (especially vs. having full-blown did). these are probably the best resources i can point you towards even though they don't contain many personal accounts. the first blog is staunchly against self-dx iirc and there's a lot of "you should speak to a professional about this" but u know how it is (at the very least they provide a lot of info and resources on how to go about doing that, it seems.)

some posts in particular that may be informative/helpful to you (there are probably many reasons to dislike this blog but it's what i've found most informative so yeah):

anp and ep, + an explanation of structural dissociation and how it models ptsd, cptsd, bpd, osdd-1, and did.

anp and avoiding trauma

an example of did vs. osdd-1

parts in bpd/cptsd vs. osdd-1

parts in cptsd vs. osdd-1 (this mod "kevin" has osdd-1, by the way)

parts vs. fragments vs. alters

alters not being easy to recognize

identity confusion vs. identity alteration

( read-more bc this got long despite it being past my bedtime lmao )

the problem w personal accounts of stuff and did/osdd-1 is presentations of these diagnoes will differ from person to person, sometimes greatly. contrary to media depiction they're also covert disorders by nature - they're psychological coping mechanisms for intense distress, and part of those coping mechanisms is being ignorant to the fact that your sense of self is fragmented / there are parts of your sense of self that are attached to trauma. i know of several folks who were initially diagnosed with osdd-1 but then later re-diagnosed as having did because the severity of their situation was very effectively hidden from them by this dissociation.

( another problem is that ppl are flawed and can give bad/wrong info on how stuff works or trends can give the wrong impression and unfortunately that's very common w did/osdd-1 spaces online. e.g. u don't have to know the name, age, etc. or know who's "fronting" or whatever with elaborate tagging systems and pages on ur blog with said info abt ur parts or "alters" to have did/osdd-1. worrying abt that stuff too much can worsen dissociation. )

it's not common for someone to have did/osdd-1 and for it to be obvious to themselves or others (who don't know what to look for, that is). this is why no small number of folks with did/osdd-1 are seemingly well-functioning on the outside since different dissociated parts often serve "everyday life" purposes such as going to work/school and these parts are the ones disconnected from traumatic "materials" as they're called. part of the reason why i'm wanting to conceptualize my experiences as osdd-1 is due to the fact that my default state (the "host"?) is emotionally dissociated from my trauma - i know it happened, but it seemed like it happened to "this body" rather than "me" and i don't feel anything about it until i get triggered. "apparently normal parts" that handle everyday life are usually trauma-avoidant or separated from the trauma like this in some way.

that being said, i'm still not totally sure if i qualify for an osdd-1 diagnosis or not tbqh. my situation is most like the "some individuals with OSDD-1 lack both amnesia and highly distinct parts" mentioned in the page i above linked (but yesterday and this morning/afternoon i was convinced i did - go figure). i'd been researching did/osdd-1 for a while (not necessarily because i thought it was what i was experiencing) which is part of what helped me come to terms with having experienced dissociation for a long time, and i thought up until like...the other day i definitely didn't have it. i came to believe i had some weird bpd/cptsd/szpd-like situation where emotional states had been "locked away" in boxes that i rarely touched as a defense mechanism against psychological distress. i also had a metaphor for my "emotional part(s)" as it/them being like, (a) ghost(s) that follow me around and aren't evil but occasionally "wrap their hands around my throat" to remind me that they're there.

then i saw someone w an osdd-1 diagnosis talk abt how they have parts whose "job" is to "feel sadness for them" as a defense mechanism against that kinda distress and then i was like...huh. and then i thought about how seeing my parents again felt kinda weird and distant. and that's kinda what tipped me off, despite having a pretty unstable sense of self and dissociation issues for a while. the "seeing my parents" thing is somewhat more major, because it felt different from my "default setting." thinking about it is uncomfortable and weird.

ur gonna have to do a lot of reading, tbh, and doing it in moderation is probably a good idea since thinking too much abt dissociation can trigger it. another thing is that conceptualizing yourself as having did/osdd-1 when you don't actually have that experience can worsen dissociation/identity issues as well so u gotta be careful abt how u approach it. but at the same time, cptsd and did/osdd-1 have mostly the same treatment methods anyway (and technically u gotta have cptsd to have did/osdd-1, not as like a diagnostic requirement really but a "you have to be traumatized from long-term traumatic experiences at a young age" sense) so many resources abt did/osdd-1 may be helpful to u regardless of whether you "have" them or not.

i can't tell u how to differentiate between symptoms of psychosis and did/osdd-1 (the blog i mentioned may have posts about that topic - there's two in their master-posts but neither were particularly helpful i don't think) since afaik i'm not psychotic but i wish you luck!

#no reblogs - #asks #Anonymous #resources

[slowlymadeart]

[Image 1 Description:  A Crowd of people, all colored blue, with the label "Interneters" on them. To the left of the crowd a young man stands out. He is a repeat character. We'll call him "The Interneter." He has dark brown skin, short light blue dread-locks. He wears a burgundy colored hoodie, a dark teal V-neck shirt, and dark bluish-grey jeans. The Interneter says "You never told us what a "Spoonie" is."

To the middle right is Rachel, we can only see to the bottom of her shirt for now. (She has pale white skin, short and messy blonde hair, teal shirt with ferns printed on each side, Maroon shorts, light cyan thigh-high stocking with cut outs of leaves on them, maroon shoes). Rachel, smiling wearily, looking right at us, holding her index finger up:"Well, you could just google it. But hey, what the heck? Why pass up an opportunity to be the first person who tells you what it means?" 

We see Rachel again on the lower left side, smiling while raising an eyebrow, holding her left hand to her face, and her right hand out towards us: "Ya  ready?" 

The crowd lines the bottom of the image. The Interneter stands in the middle, with a speech bubble above "Yes." and a speech bubble to his bottom right, "That's why we asked."]

[Image 2 Description: There is a lavender square at the top of this image, on it is the text:  "Spoonie" comes from a disability metaphor first described in a 2003 essay by christine miserandino called "The Spoon Theory" in which she tells the story of trying to explain to a friend what it feels like to have lupus, using spoons as visual representation of her daily energy. She actually handed her friend a bouquet of spoons and said: "

Below Christine, a white woman with long brunette hair, a white headband, purple dress shirt and jeans, holds out a sparkling bouquet of spoons saying "Here you go". 

Below this we see her down on one knee. To her right her friend, female, brown skin, long braided dark brunette hair with a reddish tint, blue over-all dress, and teal leggings, sits on a stool holding the spoons Christine handed her.

"You have Lupus." Christine says, to which her friend nervously responds "Haha, whaaat?...... Please explain."]

[Image 3 Description: Another lander square fills the top of this image, on it is a quote from Christine's Essay,  "Most people start  the day with unlimited amounts of possibilities- energy to do whatever they desire...for the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions...I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have something else being in control." 

Below Christine sits alone, her legs "criss-cross". She is smiling at us and holds a giant spoon. Around her are little blurbs in purple text, "Might actually own a giant spoon" "Has done awesome advocacy work" "Read more at butyoudontlooksick.com (if you want to)"]

[Image 4 Description: a chart titled "How Spoon Theory Works". A single spoon equals a unit of energy that a person can use safely. On the left is "spoon cost per activities" on the right is icons to show the activities.

1 spoon; Getting out of bed, taking medications, changing clothes. 2 spoons; Watching a tv show, a microwavable meal, using the internet.3 spoons; Enagaing in a small activity like art, cleaning something, making a meal that required stove or oven.4 spoons; Taking a shower, leaving your home, socializing.

Narration text: Why use it? I'll let this quote by a doctor who was originally using buckets of water (???) with patients explain. "Using analogies and/or metaphors...can help clinicians and patients' loved ones get a better understanding of the impact of specific activities on a patient." (John Hopkins Neurologist Scott Newsome, DO, on the topic of "Spoon Theory")]

[Image 5 Description: The Interneter is looking worried, sweating. He says to Rachel,

"Oh wait, so I have major depression disorder, insomnia, and ADHD. During my last episode, I was barely able to make it to one class a day, and maybe get one meal. My insomnia felt uncontrollable. I ran out of mental brain power for my classes, but I still attempted as much class work as I could, even if my brain couldn't fully show up. Don't get me wrong- I still tried, so hard. Even if I was too depressed to feel things like 'normal' I still wanted to be embracing my college life. I feel like spoon theory would have really helped me in times like those. Especially since I haven't found an antidepressant that works on me yet. I know it's not like what you go through, like chronic physical illness. I wouldn't want to make less of your experience or appropriate this term. I'm just wondering if-"

 Rachel, looking calm, finding The Interneter endearing and smiling slightly, "Your experiences are just as valid and the level of impact your depression has absolutely qualifies you as a spoonie."]

[Image 6 Description: Narration text  "Today  a spoonie is someone with a condition that causes limited amounts of physical and/or cognitive energy, such as chronic illness, mental illness, or disability. It's also used by neurodivergents who deal with persistent energy limitations."

Below sits 4 girls all smiling, waving, and looking at us, left to right; The first girl has an average frame, tan skin, long navy blue hair, a maroon hat, faded pink pants, a blue/purple/lavender striped shirt, and cutting scar on her arms. Second girl is Kitt, she was in another comic, she has a plus sized frame, dark brown skin, shoulder length curly/dark brown hair. she wears a teal dress with white strips, a waist long blue jacket, blue shoes, her left left is a purple prosthetic. Third girl, she is Asian, very light but still tan skin, with black hair in cut in a pixie style. She has on a white sweat shirt that has lavender sleeves and a salmon color at the bottom, in the center is the rainbow infinity sign for neurodivergence. She has on mint pants and wear white and salmon colored sneakers. On the floor below them sits Rachel. 

Narrative text "Not all of us are literally measuring out energy in terms of spoons, but having such a metaphor is extremely helpful."]

[Image 7 Description: Narrative text "Spoon Theory embraces acknowledgment of a condition's control, which is weirdly liberating because this reminds a person:"

Girl number 3 is on the right is whispering to The Interneter "Lack of control isn't proof of personal weakness. You don't have to beat yourself up for experiencing your condition." 

"I know that. . ." the interneter says shyly, blushing and smiling.

"Do you though?" Rachel says from the left.

Below her is girl number one. "Do u? I've been doing this for 13 years and even I forget sometimes."]

[Image 8 Description: Narrative text "For young people in particular, spoonie is the first word a person may use when starting to rewrite what their life with their condition could look like."

The Interneter lays flat on his bed, we see him from the side looking hopeful "Having to live life this way isn't easy, but I want to make it work."

Below we see he is centered on his bed holding 1 spoon, "especially since I'm still having that episode of depression." On the right side his words continue "I didn't say anything because I was afraid of messing up the flow of the comic."]

[Image 9 Description: Narrative text "Spoons can be a silly thing to associate with possibly not having enough energy to manage basic survival activities, which is one reason some don't bother using the term at all. Still, it's easier to say,"

A woman, standing in the center of the image with a long purple dress, short brunette hair, and a purple walking cane, holds a hand to her chest smiling "I'm a spoonie!"

To her left is a large man all in red, hand on his hips smiling, "My own experiences of feeling tired helps me empathize with you. You make me feel validated."

To her right is a little girl colored pink "Spoons are good!"

Next to her is a woman in maroon "Such a cute and positive take!"

At the bottom of the image narrative text says "Rather than bring folk's moods down with-"]

[Image 10 description:  "My body is disabled! Living an existence with a condition that is unpredictable and invisible sometimes breaks my brain! Please don't shut me out until I'm "Fixed". Just respect my limits." Rachel says, now in the center of the people instead of the purple-dressed spoonie. She sits in her wheelchair with legs up, holding her arms out, her expression is crying yet smiling.

The large man to her left has his arms folded, now very uneasy "How do I tell apart your "disability" from excuses, self pity, and faking stuff? And who sits in a wheelchair like that?"

On the right the little pink girl is crying, her maroon mother bending down to hold her. "Isn't "Disabled" bad?" the girl ask.

Her mother responding "Nothing we need to worry about, sweetie. There are plenty of programs that think of the disabled so we don't have to."

Narrative text, "Yes. Spoonie can at times feel detached just enough from harsh reality to ease people's discomforts."] 

[Image 11 Description: Narrative text:” Perhaps detached enough for misguided normies to think,��

A young woman standing in the center with one hand on her hip and one raised with her index finger pointed upwards says "Hey! I feel like I have limited energy to! I like this "spoons" idea. It will help me be mindful and proactive with my energy! I'm a spoonie now!"

She is white woman with tanned skin, long bleach blonde hair in a pony-tail, wearing grey yoga pants and a green tang top.  On her tang top are the words "Has no condition is just human".  

To her left Girl number 3, Kitt, and Rachel are huddled looking at the woman. “Don't-” says girl number 3. "Oh no, wait-" says Kitt. "You're not one now, but hey, you'll be one of us eventually. No need to rush." says Rachel.

On the left is a young hipster male all in orange "You're just a product of obsessive online health trends." He calls out. 

Narrative text "Let's hope it doesn't turn into the 'snuggie' of disability lingo.]

[Image 12 description: Narrative Text: "Now, being disabled by a condition, especially it's fatigue aspect, doesn't mix well with the 'hyper-productive' narrative that today's society puts out." 

A Pinkish-maroon leg with the words 'society that doesn't fully realize the systemic harm of it's ableism' on it, kicks a stick figure of the Interneter high up into the air in a Team Rocket fashion.

 "Looks like having problems with my human body is causing me to be considered less of a human agaaiinn!!!" The interneter says, surrounded by anime sparkles. 

Narrative Text "Still, being active, productive, and accepted by some form of community, lay the foundations for self-confidence and a sense of worth. Contributing online is one way even the most debilitated amount us have managed a version of that foundation."]

[Image 13 Description: Narrative text: "Disabled communities are sources of support, love, guidance, and empowerment built upon collaboration, inclusion, and knowledge. They help bring together people with a willingness to listen, because they all know the value in feeling heard."

Two horizontal rows of a diverse group of people with disabilities, drawn to show them all in bed,  all interacting with each other like the would if the were together in person. Below each person is an awareness ribbon to indicate the condition(s)they have.

 From left to right, top row; A young woman with very dark brown skin, black hair in a bun, is looking concerned and reaching for a young man in the row below her. He is black with slightly lighter skin, very short hair, a 5 o'clock shadow, wearing glasses. He is reach towards her with is left arm, his right arm is curled due to his medical condition.  Next in the top row, a  Young woman with curly brown hair, tan skin, glasses, and cutting parts on her arms is smiling and being handed a book by a young white male with Downs-Syndrome, he hair short light brown hair and glasses.  A young woman with tan skin, glasses, wearing a hijab, has a pink prosthetic arm holding a piece of paper, and is using her other arm to hold hands with the person she is smiling/talking with- a thin non-binary with short blue pixie hair and braces on her elbows and right arm. This person is also holding a piece of paper, eyes shut from laughing, with happy tears coming from their eyes.

Bottom row; Next to the young man with dark skin, is a plus-sized woman with white skin, her hair is deep violet in a pixie cut. She is holding a yellow ribbon, looking concerned and speaking a "?" as she taps the should of the girl next to her. This girl is Asian with black hair in a short ponytail, she looks back at the woman with the ribbon, her arms are on the back of the next woman, whom she is comforting. This woman has medium dark skin, half her head is shaved, the other is short navy blue dreadlocks. She is curled up and crying, below her is a yellow ribbon next to a purple one. The young man on her left has his left arm around her, and has a sympathetic expression, talking with the woman to try and provide comforting. He has tan skin and short curly brown hair, with short curly brown facial hair. 

Narrative text: "Spoonies are just one part of this collective, their efforts displaying that a condition's control isn't proof of weakness, as if can exist even along side massive amounts of inner strength."]

#comic #webcomic #spoonie #disability #chronic illness #art #slowlymadecomic #Slowly #image described #spoons #mental health #awareness #character art #disabled #diversity #humor #funny #comics #educational #informational #artwork #spoon theory #neurodiversity #health #chronic fatigue #ME/CFS #cfs/me #chronically ill #spoonie stuff

[nonbinaryresource]

ive been thinking abt this for a little while & have been needing to ask someone abt it. i am nb & have always considered myself trans but recently ive not been vibing with the trans label bc i am so sick of seeing ppl exclude & invalidate nb ppl. ik that i shouldnt stop doing smth just bc other ppl r being assholes but its so tiring to see ppl constantly say how u dont belong or arent valid. srry this is long & kinda rambly i just dont really know how to feel abt it

I will directly address your ask, but I’m going to start by telling you a story about my journey with identifying as asexual and queer.

.

When I was about 11, my friends suddenly started drooling over magazines and calling people hot, and I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I did not feel whatever it is my friends were feeling.

Until I was about 16/17, this part of me remained a mystery to me and to my friends. I never had crushes, I never found people hot, I never liked complimenting people physically, I was uncomfortable with sex on TV, and I didn’t even like platonic touch. Now my group of friends were all repressed and closeted queer folk, so I didn’t have to deal with “being left behind” as my friends dated. But the later we got into high school, the more my friends began discovering and exploring their sexualities.  A freshman became a part of our friend group and was openly trans and gay. One friend came out as gay. Another as bi. They started commenting more and more about other’s looks and having crushes.

Still, there was nothing on my end. My friends used to think I was just being vague and secretive because this is what I tended to be like. I don’t think they’ve ever realized how much of it was that I truly didn’t know or understand what my lack of sexual feelings meant or that it could even mean anything. I used to just consider it a “nothingness” of myself. Until, by complete chance, I came across the term asexual. I immediately connected with it. It explained so much that I didn’t even know I needed explained.

I came out quickly after that and I was really excited and happy and proud to know who I was and what how I felt meant. My friends were great and supportive. My mom was a little ignorant but overall supportive. AVEN was great and a community for me. But if I tried to talk about it anywhere else online…

Well, the effects of how people treated me would fester for years. See, I came out as asexual before exclusionism (the specific movement of anti-aro and anti-ace erasure and gatekeeping from lgbt+ spaces) was a movement or a named thing. Yet exclusionist attitudes were exactly what I faced. My queer friends all completely accepted me as one of them and I helped co-run our school’s new GSA with the rest of them. But online, as a teen, I was facing 30+ year olds telling me I wasn’t queer and that I was just trying to seem special and that I needed to shut up about my asexuality and my experiences and that I wasn’t valid and that asexuality wasn’t a real thing and that even if asexuality was a real thing it wasn’t valid and it certainly didn’t matter.

I graduated high school and went to college and was no longer really in touch with my group of friends. I therefore completely cut myself off from any lgbt+/queer community, even though a friend invited me to join the college’s queer association. I stopped participating so much in online asexual spaces. I become wrapped up in other things.

A couple of years went by and a lot of things in my life changed. By chance, mod applications for a blog about aro and ace headcanons for a fandom I enjoyed came across my dash. I had extra time on my hands and thought I could help, so I applied and was accepted. This increased my exposure to the aspec community again and thrust me back in… just around the time exclusionism was becoming a specific and named movement of bigotry.

At the same time I resisted these ideals, I was also still hurt and unhealed from what I’d gone through as a teen. I internalized a lot of the hatred and gatekeeping. I was so hurt and so tired. I just wanted to be able to exist in peace. And people I considered myself one of were harassing me and dismissing even my biromanticism. So I struggled with my identity and my asexuality. I did not specifically become an exclusionist, but I turned my back on the lgbt+ community and spaces. I did not consider myself lgbt+ because I learned that doing so only brought pain and upset and made me feel alone and isolated. I didn’t speak a lot on exclusionism or inclusionism, but at some point I did make a plea to my fellow aspecs to just let the larger community go and be our own community and accept that maybe we could be straight. I did it out of desperation and hurt, wanting to stop feeling targeted and attacked and to stop seeing the fighting on my dash and in the tags. I just wanted us all to be happy and feel accepted and supported.

On that post, one wonderfully kind and patient person opened up a discussion with me, explaining their own hurts over exclusionism and being so damn exhausted of them and fellow aspecs being targeted and excluded and written out and not supported and feeling like they had to split their asexuality from their other queer identities and how being asexual was a part of them and how it had strongly shaped their experiences, especially with realizing and coming to terms with the other parts of their queer identity. And through their raw honesty I came to realize… I had never stopped to process the harassment I had faced and the pain and hurt that cut me so deeply.

It was a changing point for me. I realized that I had handled my pain in a bad way and had ended up lashing out at other aspecs instead of the people who were actually hurting me. I realized how much I had hurt myself and held myself back and cut myself down and dismissed parts of myself trying to fit into the box exclusionists had laid out for me, as if I could ever made them happy enough to stop harassing me and just let me exist. I cut myself down for them, but the truth is that exclusionists don’t just want aspecs “out” of the community. They want to hurt us. They want us to hurt. They want us to doubt ourselves. They want to feel strong and powerful, and they feel they can achieve this through bullying us. Perhaps some, like myself, are trying to appeal to their oppressors by pointing out another vulnerable group they could target more/instead. They are passing on hurt instead of standing up to it and so they are actually festering in hurt instead of changing anything.

Today, I am a staunch inclusionist. I understand myself and the issues aspecs face much better. I am a more compassionate person regarding the confusion and upset aros and aces have over their identity and their place in the world. I feel more stable and confident regarding my identity as an asexual - and now as an aromantic - queer person who is lgbt+.

But it was a long, hard, difficult journey to get here. It was full of a lot of turmoil. I wish I would have had a happier journey where I felt more supported and accepted, and I hope I can help provide more stability and support for future generations to not have to go through what I did.

.

My point (or one among a few, anyway) is that I deeply and personally understand how you are feeling and the decision facing you now. As someone who went through a very similar experience, my advice to you is to take care of yourself and to prioritize your mental health.

It’s okay if you can’t handle identifying as trans right now. Maybe you do need some space from the label (and definitely from the hatred and gatekeeping). Maybe you need to pull back from certain communities or blogs or discussions.

However, I will say that not identifying as trans may not bring the peace you desire. It may end up making you feel even more isolated. Not identifying as LGBT+ certainly didn’t help me. It was reactionary and it only made me feel like there were less spaces for me. That said, you may find peace in this. But I think the bigger action to take is to separate yourself from those who are saying harmful things more than to separate yourself from a label you feel really suits you. Use your block button liberally. Don’t force yourself to partake in spaces where gatekeeping is allowed or encouraged. Follow and listen to more people who are inclusive.

I think burnout like this is unfortunately pretty common. You do not have to force yourself to face this hatred or exhaustion because you think it’s the right thing to do. It’s okay to pull back and just take care of yourself. Just work on some self-care. Work on building up a community of people around you who don’t resort to bigotry and hatred and exorsexism and gatekeeping and identity policing. Engage only with what you can actually, honestly handle.

We will confront and move past this bigotry only by acting as a united front. The responsibility for improving things isn’t on any one person’s shoulders. And no one needs to be on the front lines 100% of the time, especially at the cost of their own wellbeing. Take care of yourself and rest now before you completely burn out and break down.

You do not have anything to prove, okay? I have both hope and faith that there is a lot more to your journey - a lot more good things and a lot more happiness and belonging. Take whatever time it is you need to help heal yourself and recover from the hurt and harassment that’s been plaguing you. You are important and you matter, much moreso than whatever label you use at whatever point in time. It will be okay.

I am here for you.

~Pluto

#mod pluto #validation #exorsexism #gatekeeping #exclusionism #long post #identity policing #self care #identity #coping #queer #lgbt #mod tera #anonymous #ask #answered #asked #nonbinary

[madzilla84]

hi i went through your ace tag and it was rlly comforting in a way. can i ask when u knew or how to deal (if its not to invasive!) thx

Hi anon! I’m glad you liked the posts - I know I can be pretty iffy at tagging so I’ll make sure to keep everything there if I can :)

It’s not invasive at all! The answer’s very long though, lol, because it’s me, so I put it under the read more.

I talked a bit about this in my post last year with the clumsy metaphor for my II denim jacket as sexuality, so if you read that then I might be repeating myself a bit, apologies.

The very short answer is that on some level I’ve always known, and I handled it Extremely Badly lmao. Don’t do what I did. Which was mostly nothing. XD

The longer, proper answer - I knew I was in some way Different when I found myself completely bewildered by the crushes my friends developed when we became tweens/teenagers. Like a lot of queer people, I selected my Pretend Crush and dutifully put up his poster in my locker (Noah Wyle from ER; I thought he had pretty eyes). I thought everyone else was just doing it to be cool, as well, in the same sort of way everyone pretended to love [insert name of popular band here] to save face at school.

But like, we got older, and people started making out and hooking up with Real Boys at parties, and still - I felt nothing. You’re a late bloomer, many people told me. I thought maybe I could be gay, if I had no attraction to men - but then I wasn’t attracted to women, either, so couldn’t be that. So what, then, I wondered? You can’t be nothing.

OR CAN YOU??? XD

I got to university-ish age, and around that time I went online and heard the term ‘asexual’ for the first time, and stumbled across AVEN; read the definition and thought, yep, that sounds very familiar. But the problem is, finding something out about yourself doesn’t mean you accept it, or like it, or even really believe it. I wondered then if it was actually a real thing, and not something someone on the internet had made up to make themselves feel better, because there was actually something wrong with them, and thus, with me?

I came home for Christmas during my first (only. lol whoops) year of college and brought up the subject with a small group of acquaintances at a New Years party (I’d had quite a bit to drink), and the reaction was - depressingly predictable.

That’s not a thing.

I can’t imagine that.

That sounds awful.

God, no sex? I’d rather be dead.

Have you even tried it? You need to try it.

That can’t be natural.

Okay, I get it, I thought, not bringing that up again.

And, the thing was, because I wasn’t in a relationship, or dating, or looking to, it was sort of - a non-subject. I had no prying family members asking about my love life. My true friends were unfazed by whatever I did or didn’t do (and still are, they’re good eggs), so it was just - something I never had to think about. In my mind, it was just another thing about me that made me weird and an outsider and that I didn’t belong anywhere or with anyone. (All not true! But that was then.)

And unfortunately it took me about 15 years to start to properly deal with it. Yikes. Such a long time - it’s not even about missed opportunities for dating because I’m still not looking to do that, but more about - accepting that it’s a real part of me and is okay and *good* actually and not just a peculiarity to avoid thinking about at all costs. Acceptance seemed unattainable, let alone the idea of being *proud* of it? Ha! Unthinkable. The best thing to do was just to - pretend it didn’t exist. Why poke that bruise, I thought?

I was always in this weird kind of limbo with the LGBT community - like, I felt on some level like I should be there? But at the same time, I felt like an outsider. (For many of the same reasons people to this day will tell you aces/aros don’t belong. All wrong.) I got really into queer films etc as a teen, I went to gay bars with friends and joined the uni LGBT society … and felt uncomfortable almost all the time. (I know *now* that’s because I was *still* trying to be something I wasn’t and wasn’t being honest with myself or anyone else, on any level. And a lot of the club nights we went to were basically about hooking up, which is fine and all but absolutely Not what I was looking for, and made me feel even more out of place. Why don’t I want to do that? What’s wrong with me?)

But fortunately, the world is quite a different place now, and I don’t think it’s quite so bad now for younger folks because people are talking about it *so* much more; there’s so much more help and support. And I know everyone bitches about social media but it didn’t exist when I was a teenager and there are so many ace/aro people and resources to connect with now!! We’re still made fun of almost constantly *at best* and excluded a ton and erased etc etc, but it *is* getting better. Even for us older folks still figuring it out. :)

I don’t mind admitting that Dan’s video was a huge help. (Albeit a very painful one. Part of why that video was so tough for me to watch, and still is, is that some of it hit a bit too close to home, you know? I didn’t experience the bullying he did, nor the fame, but many things were deeply recognisable.) That sort of tore the scab off (bit gross, sorry), whether I liked it or not, and made me look at it properly for the first time … well, ever, really. The period of time directly after that was - very raw, for me.

The phandom really helped, too; it’s a very accepting and welcoming community and there are actually lots of ace people! Which is awesome! Maybe I *am* a real person! ;)

So many little things helped too. I met a friend for lunch in January and she got me a glass ace flag pendant as a gift; I couldn’t believe it. I’ve felt able to bring it up with a few people outside my closest friends - eg. a couple of colleagues - and was heartened by their responses. I know they didn’t 100% get it, and that’s okay, but they were interested and open to listening and that meant a lot. I went to Pride last year and had a great time, and the first person who spoke to me there asked me where I got my ace pin. :_) (I’d been once before, in 2015, and I hated it; I felt uncomfortable and disingenuous and like I didn’t belong there, and yet I knew deep down I wasn’t technically just there as an ‘ally’.) Even Dan’s little tiny offhand mention in his mermaids stream! I was like, yeah, we do exist! 

It’s all sort of had the fringe benefit of feeling happier and better about being open about it, like joining the LGBT network at work and - you know, just taking little steps. (anyone wanting to start with me that aces/aros don’t belong in LGBT spaces can catch my tiny hands) I saw an ace lanyard at Vidcon and thought ‘yay!’ rather than being uncomfortable to wear it, partly because I thought about how happy I would be to see someone else wearing one.

I don’t know what the rest of this ‘journey’s going to look like, I just know that over the last year I’ve gotten mostly to a place where I can say I *like* being ace, because it’s actually just what I am in the same way I have brown hair or am short, and not some weird deviance from Being Normal that I Must! Hide! At All Costs! That might sound simple but it was a hard place to get to. (thanks Mr Fire, I guess)

I hope this ramble made *some* sense and answered your question in some way! Feel free to send any more questions :)

#anon asks #ace tag #mad.txt #long post #this looks really whack on mobile but should still be readable :/ #we love a functional website

[smokinholsters]

A Decision at the Crossroads

A Heartland AU - Chapter 2

Mitch sat back down and dropped his hat on the small pile of logs next to his chair then reached to refill his coffee cup. He’d already checked, mucked out and fed the horses in his care, saw that the barn and the area around the trailer was none the worse for wear. Checking the time he dialed Amy’s phone and waited.

She answered and he heard the screen door of the house open and close almost simultaneously and he immediately heard those motorcycle boots walk the stairs.

“Good morning husband.”

“Morning Ames, how are things ?”

“Things are great but JT needs some potty time and Lyndy’s in the bath so ….”

“I’ll call when I know something. Anyone helping ?”

“Georgie and Quinn are coming over to deal with horses, Caleb will check the herd.”

“Love you, talk later.”

“More than talk sweetheart, I hugged a pillow last night, not very satisfying.”

Mitch laughed and hit disconnect.

“Mitch, good morning, I was expecting to knock and wake you.”

“Morning Ty, rancher’s hours I guess, my wife’s an early riser too which is helpful getting a bunch done before the kids get up raring to go.”

“I was going to run out to pick up some breakfast but you seem to have beat me to it.”

“If you’re not fancy, there’s a bag of home made muffins and some oranges right inside, coffee’s fresh.”

“Your wife baked these ?”

“I think those are her grandmother’s honestly but she does with the kids.”

“How about you Ty, you hail from around here ?”

“Vancouver originally, my mom’s still out there, dad died a few years ago, mom’s remarried, we talk every week and she was here I guess 4 or 5 months ago.”

Ty came out of the trailer a few minutes later with a small plate, two muffins, an orange and mug he found on the counter and sat a second before his phone rang.

“It’s the clinic, I have to take this.”

“No problem at all Ty.”

He was on the phone for about 20 minutes and glanced a couple of times at Mitch in apology. At one point Mitch checked on the horses again, removed their empty feed buckets, checked their stalls, water and the horses general condition and returned outside as Ty was getting off the phone.

“OK, let’s get that front end off the ground and see what’s up.” Ty said walking over “Everything Ok at home ?”

“Everything’s fine, it’s the busy time getting the kids ready so we didn’t talk long.”

Ty nodded as they walked. There was no lift per se but a nice platform ramp setup. The plan was to jack the truck up and slide the two platform ramps underneath the front end and the jack the truck on the platform so they could check it out and see what needed to be fixed.

Matt, the officer from the day before came by in his regular clothes, jeans, t shirt and flannel. He walked over with work gloves, there to lend a hand and took over once the jacking for each of them as they manually lifted the Dodge heavie’s 8 cylinder Cummins Diesel off the ground. He helped slide the platforms over and then jack the truck again to raise the front passenger side off of the platform.

The first thing they did was remove the tire which had gone flat overnight due to a crack up the rear of the rim they hadn’t seen the day before. This wasn’t an issue as Mitch travelled with two spares, one in the trailer and one under the pick up in the rear.

As Mitch had predicted the rocker arm was a goner as was the front right shock. The shock would be easy enough to pick up locally as a pair since they should both be done together, the real issue was the rocker arm.

When they were satisfied at what needed to be done they sat down in what looked like a small makeshift patio outside Ty’s shop.

“OK, the shocks’ll be easy, Canadian Tire should have them in stock.” Ty began. “You have a viable spare so that’s not an issue. Let me call around and go online and see if I can’t round up a right side rocker arm.”

“I’ll set up another pot of coffee.”

Ty nodded and checked his phone walking away. Matt accompanied Mitch over to the trailer. It was a little chilly so Mitch stopped and stoked the fire pit, threw on a few logs and grabbed the empty pot while Matt pulled up a chair and a small branch to push some embers around. He expected Mitch to have a coffee machine inside and was surprised when he put a grate over the pit and lay the old style percolator on the fire.

“Old school.” Matt said watching.

“I’m not much for the machine stuff though my wife loves the convenience of those one cup things, can’t fault that but when I have the time, real perk is the way to go I think.”

“Yeah, my dad was like that, me, I get most of mine for free really, perk of the uniform I guess.”

“So when’s the wedding ?” Mitch asked as he leaned forward to move the pot off of the flame when it started to perk.”

“Next June so we can get married outside at her folks place.”

“And after ?”

“We both want kids so maybe that, we’ll have the house by then and both get good benefits, time off for kids, we’ll see. How long you wait ?”

“I don’t know that we really waited or planned anything, she was pregnant about a year after we married I guess. JT, about 2 ½ years later I guess and now 3 years later once again. We’re also waiting on approval for a foster, we both feel strongly about it, she wasn’t pregnant at the time we applied but we’re fine with it.”

“Boy or girl ?”

“Which one, it’s a girl in the oven and the foster will be what it is.”

“Nice, maybe you’ll even up.”

“Not necessary, love ‘em all the same, treat ‘em all the same.”

“Definitely the way it should be.” Matt said as the door to the porch of the house opened and closed.

“Just in time for a fresh cup Ty.” Mitch said gingerly pouring the hot coffee from the steaming pot into a mug. “Good news I hope.” Mitch continued.

“I found one we can get today the rest Monday after delivery which means you may not be driving home until Tuesday.”

“The one we can get today ?”

“Airdrie.”

“Airdrie, that’s what, 2 ½ hours each way.” Matt said.

“And I’ve got to get to the clinic for something. This is the number of the dealership, the guy who has it is Tom and the name he has is Cutty, whatever you decide is fine Mitch, that’s my truck, key’s in the ignition.”

“I may have an idea.” Mitch said “we’ll figure it out and let you know Ty.”

“I’m a bachelor for the weekend Mitch” Matt told him. “I can grab a cruiser and we can be down and back in under 4 hours.”

Mitch laughed, “let me make a call.”

Matt strolled off into the barn as Mitch thought for a minute and hit his phone.

“Hey buddy, Amy tells you’ve got a problem.”

“One maybe you can help me with Caleb, there’s a rocker arm with my name on it in Airdrie, how about you ride past, pick it up and bring it up ?”

“Where are you ?”

“Place called Nelson Lake, it’s about 2 maybe 2 ½ hours ?”

“I’d love to help you out Mitch but, well, we’ve got this fence thing at Heartland I’m dealing with.”

“How many ?”

“Just 6 and they’re all back but I got to get this fence back up, I’ve got Trace and Jade with me. Give Amy a call, maybe she can think of something.”

“Ok Caleb, get ‘er done.”

“You know I will brother, later.”

Mitch took off his hat and dropped on the ever decreasing log pile, ran his hand through his hair as he sat down and hit the call button.

“Give me some good news cowboy, your baby momma’s missing you big time.”

“Ames.”

“No Mitch.”

“Not that bad, there’s a rocker arm in Airdrie, if someone can pick it up and drive it here I can be home tomorrow. I’ll get the shocks done today so tomorrow will go real fast. I asked Caleb but ….”

“I  know about the fence. Let me ask Georgie and Quinn, they’re with the kids and kind of aimless for the weekend it seems. I’ll text you, it’s easier from out there, text me an address or GPS.”

“On the way.  Hey Amy, you know I miss you as much as….”

“I know you do sweetheart, I love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Where are we ?”

“Waiting to hear someone from home is driving up through Airdrie and bringing us that rocker arm while we get those shocks done.”

“You think we can get it all done today ?” Matt asked.

“We can try I guess, I wouldn’t drive the trailer down at night but first thing in the morning would make my wife happy. It’ll all depends on when it gets here.”

“Well, I called Canadian Tire and they have your shocks in stock so let’s pick up those, install ‘em and get them out of the way.”

“And then lunch is on me.” Mitch said patting Matt on the shoulder “I know you don’t have to do this but I sure appreciate the company.”

Mitch’s phone sounded off on the way back with the parts and he checked his messages. The tone was specifically Amy’s.

“Georgie and Quinn glad to help out, help on the way !! Love you heading out, talk later !!”

Mitch read the text out loud once he read it.

“Excellent” Matt said “how long you think ?”

“With the stop in Airdrie, maybe a lunch, figure 3 to 4 hours, we may get this done today yet.”

Mitch then texted Ty rather than called and received a call back as they pulled into Ty’s property.

“Hey Ty, just getting back from Canadian Tire.”

“You two Ok on your own, we’re swamped here at the clinic and I don’t want to leave Kelsey.”

“We’re great, take whatever time you need Ty and if you can later, dinner’s on me.”

“Feel free to put whomever is bringing that part in the guest room Mitch.”

“Thanks Ty, we’ll see, the trailer has plenty of room.”

“Consider the option Mitch, talk to you later.”

“He’s a nice guy, bit of a loner.” Matt said.

“I’ve noticed, what’s his story ?”

“Ty ? Not really sure, he got here maybe a dozen years or so ago and was working for Kelsey. Rumor has it he was escaping a bad break up or something, broken heart kind of thing. He’s dated some, he’s a good looking guy, just nothing stuck I guess.”

“How’s he related to Kelsey ?”

“How so, I don’t think they are.”

“Isn’t his last name Burton ?” Mitch asked now thoroughly confused.

Matt laughed “No, no but I can definitely see how you made that mistake, Ty’s last name is Borden, B-o-r-d-en not Burton, B-u-r-t-o-n like Kelsey.”

“Ty Borden” Mitch said quietly running the name through his memory “It sounded familiar when I thought it was Burton, this doesn’t help, I can’t make the connection. He said he was down our way years ago, but the time frame is all wrong because I was in the service back then, who knows, let’s get the truck done.”

Working leisurely on the truck they got the shocks changed, the wrecked tire stowed and the spare ready to install once the rocker was swapped out. There was a small bar that served lunch and snacks a few miles away that Matt recommended and on the way Mitch decided to touch base.

He was surprised that he couldn’t get either Georgie or Quinn on the phone and left messages to call him when they could. Then he tried Amy who picked up on the second ring.

“Hey Ames, how’s it going and did you hear from Georgie or Quinn ?”

“It’s going fine and I haven’t, hold on a second Mitch” she said as he heard the phone moved and her talking to someone else which sounded as if she was handing him something and thanking him.

“What was that all about ?”

“Tipping a nice young man who just loaded something in the pickup for me, where are you ?”

“Heading for a burger with Matt, the deputy who’s helping me out. Where are you anyway and what’s being loaded, I thought you were out with the kids.”

“What gave you that idea, Georgie and Quinn are with the kids, I just had a rocker arm loaded in and strapped down.”

“Really ? You’re driving it up, why ?”

“Date night in the trailer lover.”

“You’re not serious.”

“What’s that supposed to mean.” She asked playfully indignant.

“Let’s not go there, you know I can’t wait to see you.”

“And touch me and hold me ?”

“All those things Ames, stop and eat please and don’t overdue.”

“I’m fine sweetheart and I have a sandwich and drinks and a bag of clementines, I’ll stop to eat on the road.”

“And I promised dinner to our hosts.”

“I can’t wait to meet and thank them. I love you, gotta ride !!”

“Stay safe Ames.”

“Change in plans Mitch ?” Matt asked laughing as they parked at the small bar and grill.

“Yup.”

“Nice she misses you.”

“She’s usually better than this when I’m away, this is pregnancy hormones.”

“So that rumor’s true ?”

“Which rumor is that Matt ?”

“You know, the uhm, uhm, closeness.” He said with a grin.

“I only have the experience with Amy but in her case yes and in spades.”

“Good for you buddy, sounds like fun.”

Mitch laughed, “yeah, it doesn’t suck and I’m long gone head over heels in love with her so…..”

#heartland #heartland-fanfiction #fan fic writing #amy fleming #mitch cutty #ty borden

[eightdoctor]

I saw your post abt the 8th doctor but doesn't he only have like two episodes?? or is google selling me lies bc I did see something abt books but I'm not gonna read not even for him! anywheeze hope u can serve me the 411 on eight bc now I NEED to see him. thanks in advance luv, ur url also fucks

ok. heres the 411 folks. 

8 has a movie. it is set in america and its terrible but very gay at the same time. (in it he says acab and commits crimes). the movie can be found NO WHERE ONLINE unless u pirate it. like. u can buy it but its 50 bucks. so . 

here are the links to watch it (part 1) (part 2)

8 also has a little short that was done for the 50th that showed him regenerating. too bad its not canon cuz 8 is the war doctor idgaf what moffat thinks. smh. but 8 does say adhd rights so its still good (and its 4 minutes more gif material)

it can be watched here 

where eight REALLY SHINES THOUGH. is through the audio dramas. paul mcgann’s acting is *chef’s kiss* and charley pollard is...........im in love with her. also he befriends a little lizard man later on named c’rizz who is baby. i love him. first episode he spends a good few minutes talking to himself and also lets a alien dinosaur drink the blood from his arm. 

now the thing with podcasts or whatever is that i cannot pay attention to them. listening to taz was Very Difficult. but this???? THIS??? broh. broe. it’s so well done. its so good. like. i actually pay attention. hello. and the cool thing IS ..... IS THAT the first like. 10 episodes are FREE on SPOTIFY. (but i also have a torrent link for all of them & im planning on putting them on dropbox cuz they Expeensive...)

link for storm warning (first ep) is here!

(if u want the torrent link msg me ;) )

the order for the first few eps is (sorry this post is so long but on GOD i want people to listen to Him so bad..):

Storm Warning

Sword of Orion

Stones of Venice

Minuet in Hell

Invaders From Mars (in this one he talks like a american stereotype from the 1920s)

Chimes of Midnight (this one GOES HARD)

Seasons of Fear (also goes hard. 8 has a little bastard hat also.)

Embrace the Darkness (agonizing. has a lot of satan pit vibes. but with charley and 8.) 

The Time of the Daleks (the universe forgets shakespeare. 8 thinks his jokes are funny)

Neverland

Zagreus (this one Hurts a Me. but romana and leela and 5 & 6 & 7 are in it !!!!!!!! and rassilon is a little BITCHboy)

#im so sorry this post is so long . but #klermit #for the love of god listen and talk to me about it. #this goes to everyone #eighth doctor #doctor who #long post

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

asks (28)

Anonymous said: CAN I GET A HULLABALOO CANECK CANECK IN THE CHAT

GIG 👍🏼

@justyoungice said: Ever consider writing a multi-chapter fic? Your writing is so good! Been a fan ever since I ventured into this fandom =) 🎈

It happens once in a blue moon, but it’s not my preference. I like my one shots. I did, however, find an unfinished chapter fic a few nights ago that I could be persuaded to post as it is (meaning I probably won’t finish it)

Anonymous said: Am I allowed to say you're really pretty??? 😱😍

Oh thank you friend you are most definitely allowed and in fact encouraged 

Anonymous said: You cute 😚really cute

I am in hearteyes with you anon

Anonymous said: I am LOVING these batfam snippets so much!!!

2017 Amy was very funny wasn’t she?

Anonymous said: Ok but do you remember the time in no man’s land where two-face held a trial in which he was the prosecuting lawyer against himself?

Two-Face be like “I am here to conduct an entirely improper court proceeding”

@wingedskyes said: Okay.. Side q. Did neeb mean Tim as a cup of coffee in space or Tim made of coffee while floating in space? 🤔

When I asked she said only that I would know her intent in my heart 

@cafeamericano10cm said: Congratulations on finishing your exam/class!!

Thank you!!! I’m so relieved to be done

@betterbekind said: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!! Im so happy for you and hope you treat yourself to something nice for surviving!!! You absolutely rock!

:) :) :D

@nightwing1536 said: Have you ever worked with an artist to make a comic? I’ve seen people do fan art and a page or so of a comic with your stories as the message. But I’m wondering if you ever worked side by side with an artist to make a comic?

nightwing1536 said: Not necessarilyDC but anything

I have! My friend @neebluarts and I did a collaboration project where she produced the most beautiful art in the world to go with a lil comic I wrote. She’s amazing. Here’s the finished project. 

I also did a smaller piece with @kurawastaken where we wrote a fic together, and she drew some pictures for it. You can find that one here. 

@kurawastaken said: Im love ya

K the muse in my soul bears your face

Anonymous said: On that time travel anon's behalf, your "mobile links" link is broken and any pages other than posts/ask/submit are just plain non-existent on the app. Do you have a "for mobile" tag on posts that contain all that info or anything like that? Whatever the link in your description is, it tried to open up my web browser, so I'm guessing it's not internal to Tumblr?

Hmmm the mobile links work for me if I press down for a few seconds, but I think that’s about the best I can do? I’ll do some research and figure it out.

Anonymous said: Thoughts on young justice? If you’ve watched it what did you think about the third season? Is Wally really dead because I’m deep in denial

I love YJ but no, I haven’t watched the 3rd season. I don’t think I have access to it, but I might try to find it now that the hard part of school is done.

Anonymous said: Omgggggg amesss you're gonna be a lawyer (a badass one i bet). Cheers dude!!!!!

That’ll be oh-mother-of-darkness, esquire 

Anonymous said: Congratulations!!!!

I’m over the moon :)

Anonymous said: Hope you’ve been taking time to Relax

I had a pretty chill week, yeah! Been sleeping mostly, and hanging with my online folks

Anonymous said: ⊂ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ⊃ This is Hug Bear. He heard you were having a bad day and had come to offer comfort.

Why thank u hug bear

Anonymous said: hey dude I've been there I cried in my moms arms for an hour the other night because of job hunting difficulties which is hard to face at 25. things will get better for us both so hang in there buddy our time is coming 💕

Ah anon I feel that so hard. Good luck my love

Anonymous said: We're here for you if you need to vent ames

lil kissy face emoji

Anonymous said: I hope you feel better and you’re not getting ship asks again. You’re one of my favorite people on tumblr.

You would think after all this time I could rest but ALAS

Anonymous said: Just wanted to say this last fic with Tim getting angry and venting some of his feelings really hit close to home in a good way and I really love it and thank you!

It seems like that one resonated with a lot of folks, and I’m glad. We all need to scream vicariously sometimes

@chiefqueenenthusiast said: I love your work so much. You let Tim go OFF and I live for it

Thank youuuuu I’m glad you liked it 

Anonymous said: Your Damian and your Tim just seem to *get* each other on a very specific level. It’s something that I love from your writing. It’s probably why they fight so much but it’s also a connection they only have with each other. Tim asking if he was allowed to be mad and Damian immediately saying yes just reminded me of it ❤️

Oh anon I’m getting emotional thank you so much 

@eatthepoison said: I'm not sure if your fics remind me of something musical yet, I need to sit and think about that, BUT your url reminds me of the song Dread in My Heart by Mother Mother. I think maybe because the song has "oh" a lot in it and because of the alliteration of "darkness" and "dread". So like, everytime I see oh mother of darkness my brain always follows up with oh dread in my heart. Idk my head makes leaps sometimes.

eatthepoison said: Also, I'm sorry your feeling frustrated :( if you ever want to talk I always open to listening. I'm not a content creator yet, at least not one big or well known, but I get that it can be overwhelming at times. If its worth anything, i think you're one of the most talented persons in the batfam community. Of all the stuff I've read, your one of the authors I think "damn they fucking NAIL the characterization of the fam every single time like holy shit".

Y’all got me sitting at work thinkin bout all the good things in my life rn. And I know that song! I like it very much

Anonymous said: Such a good little kitty. So cute too!!

She is my darling girl and I love her so much 

Anonymous said: My DC oc , Is a waitress named Jess. Her and Jason met during his brief time in foster care. She's not a superhero or anything , she owns a diner where Jason is welcome anytime, no questions asked and always willing to listen. Banged up or bloody ,doesn't matter. She's good with guns cause how else is she gonna protect herself/business in gotham. She was a teen mom and brings her kid to work with her. She's asian/hispanic, curly hair. That's about it

Hey this is a reminded that I probably will write a few paragraphs for your OC but you do have to DM me about it

Also hella cool OC you got there

#asks #yj spoilers #i guess #ah i love y'all you're so sweet

[mgatala]

random

why? this pandemic got me so stress than id ever thought i could, countless anxiety attacks, nobody knows. 

how? this is how the only thing i could ever think to vent things out.

what? maybe things that happened and thoughts that been on m mind lately.

  first

when the lock-down lifts up, the first thing that was my concern is my academic status, its not a good time (march) to stop the school, perhaps i didn't even redeem myself for all the quizzes and tests. then, it was suspended that they just have to based our grades to whatever we’ve done, and i know im lacking. then May came, grades are released. Ive got two failing grades, two major grades, i cannot stress enough how depressing this for me, I’m on my fourth year of college and this the first time, Ive failed on a subject. In this time of pandemic, this. I’ve been disappointed with myself, the people around me, and literally lost some support financially, scholarship. i didnt know what to do, i dont want to run to anyone, this is just a burden, i accepted it thinking that I can be better, i know I am. I dont want to think this too often I am shifting my thoughts to more uplifting and postive because my health and my family is okay and that is more than enough. 

then, 

June came, birth-month. we all thought or hoped that sooner everything will be better but guessed what the government and some people didn't take this pandemic seriously, the cases are getting worst, and more deaths are on the row, still they wanna go out. the quarantine turns to GCQ a little lighter and not that strict protocol but to observe social distancing and wearing face masks and ppe. but still the virus is still here, the employees doesn't have the choice but to get off their asses and attend their offices because apparently they wanted to open for the sake of economy, and being on this country with having a poor public transportation, the people cant focus on social distancing they all can think about is how to get on the train, the jeep and the free ride some good Samaritan offers, they risk their life not because they are stubborn but because its their natural instinct for survival not for themselves but for their families, and to all of my friends that opened their online stores, you know I can only support by liking and sharing it to others, and to all who is also have to battle with mental illness, we all can come through it and choose to move forward.

 Salute to all the front liners and to all the person that choose to risk. but to the government that is using this pandemic to abuse their power for their own goodwill, middle finger up folks. 

I forgot that I mention its my birth month, well there’s nothing special I do when its my birth-month, but for some reason this month (june), ive come to realize that my family isn't that strong. my parents been living together for the sake of their kids, I don’t have any idea that this would happen to me, I always thought that we were happy and whole. and im very thankful that we were, my papa tell me things that happened in the past that he cant seem to let go, and i cant do anything about that. he already closed his mind, and decided that he’s done with everything they been through. The house doesn't feel like home, we are all here but the strings that i thought were there was long gone. Maybe that’s why i never really see the love that I’ve wanted to feel. there were no role models, they were neglecting each other and always tell tat they didn't really love each other, before it thought they were so in denial but now, its all a missing puzzle pieces to my questions when I was a child, I am grateful that they raise us, as a good person (I wanted to think so), they were a good individuals, very humbled and a God’s follower. but ive know this before that this is just them being a decent parents. I am still healing from this, trying to ignore the words that is murmuring inside my head, after this incident im having nightmares from my childhood, repetitively. but im moving forward.

lastly, now that I’ve finally committed to someone, knowing my love language was physical touch and quality time, I AM STRUGGLING. at first phase of this pandemic, we’ve encountered a lot of misunderstanding, I cried a lot cause i felt like I am not held right. this long distance is my nightmare, fairly even before on my past potential lovers. in all fairness to my partner, he tries to understand where all my fusses are coming from, that i am just missing him and being together was all I can think about. I was frustrated, for him to understand me i really say things what I feel. sometimes also, when i felt like saying ‘i miss you’ and haven’t been able to prove myself is holding me back to say it. like i wouldn’t say things that i cant do and proved. and on his side that I think was his love language is words of affirmation, perhaps I also frustrates him. I wouldn’t say a thing if I felt  like not doing so, I wouldn’t reach out if i thought it just doesn’t make sense to say things, but for him that’s everything, he can again function to hear things from me, but me, I don’t know where to get the will to think is this gonna work out, will I let myself be my old self again, that run from things that I cant seem to fathom, from things I don’t see working, I wouldn’t force, i wouldn’t risk. but that was before, before i love with so much reservations and too much focused on myself. I tried to contemplate, is this my partner also wants, does he deserve that ive been treating him very oddly, is he not trying. and all my questions were he just keeps proving himself that I was just overthinking things, I shouldn’t worry, this all just a phase and everything will work out. he never failed to remind me that he is willing and deserve all the love I can give, even when sometimes im hard to love. And i also see that even we cant see other for now, his strong presence when im on my downtimes he’s there, always. trying to crack a joke (corny), lifts me up with his words, and listen to me when all he can hear was me sobbing and complaining why life is like this. There is just too many green flags for me to ignore it, and embrace that someone is willing to understand me, and love me unconditionally. When im having my episodes he knows what to say, he always have the right words for everything. “just have a little faith” as he would say, and i would calm as if i was wrapped in his arms, stroking my back, and me knowing, Ive got some good thing right here. I wish right now he was sending me home, we’re having our casual story time, laughing and getting him mad but still can bear me. but right now his health is still my first concern, see u soonest xx

j

#random #thoughts #pandemic