#unprompted or not - he always tries to help you and become the best version of yourself...

[pralinesims]

Part 3 of this typa meme style, homework edition 📝

#emilio here cracks me up the most tbh he REALLY is such a life coach at core #unprompted or not - he always tries to help you and become the best version of yourself... #my sims #oc facts #emilio #kaia #gina #devyn #sharon #aaron #maggie #luca #vale

[tyrantisterror]

I want to talk about Harley Quinn for a bit, unprompted by anything, because fuck you it’s my blog I do what I want.

Because I’m a nerd who thinks too much about stories I like to sort the stages of my life by the heroes that defined them.  Godzilla was the hero of my childhood, a big dinosaur who taught a bullied kid me that you have a right to dig in your feet and assert who you are even when the world is against you for it.  Spider-Man was the hero of my teens, helping me cope with learned just how chaotic the adult world I was preparing to enter is and survive the rocky road to growing up.  Sherlock Holmes was the hero of my college years, a person who found what he wanted to do in life and devoted himself entirely to it, which is what I tried to do in turn.

Harley Quinn is the hero of my current stage.  I know most people would find that weird since she’s, like, a supervillain most of the time, and at best a very amoral anti-hero, but I mean it entirely sincerely.  And she’s the hero of my current age in part because she’s defined so much by her failures.

In almost every incarnation, Harley’s backstory begins with her going to college and pursuing a career that will bring her material success and prestige, as so many people in my generation were told to do.  She does as instructed and gets that career, only to immediately be shown the grim reality of what she signed up for, and getting broken by the stress that comes with the job almost immediately.  Saying she became a supervillain is actually generous because Harley really becomes a supervillain’s henchman, completely subservient to and exploited by a character who’s basically a personification of the corruption that made her dream job a living hell.

As a villain/henchman, Harley’s fun but a bit limited.  She exists to provide comic relief - both by being a goofier, lighter sort of evil compared to the other, more dangerous villains, and by being just debauched enough herself that we can laugh when she fails and gets knocked on her ass.  She’s a punching bag for the narrative, a joke to be laughed at and only occasionally pitied (but never enough to keep us from rooting for her to lose).

It’s important to note here that Harley was initially created for Batman the Animated Series, which is specifically a version of the Batman story where redemption doesn’t happen.  There have been papers written on this, even.  Because B:TAS was a serialized story designed to go on as long as the executives at Warner Bros thought it was making money, its villains had to stay villains, because if they ever changed from that they’d no longer serve their narrative purpose.  There are countless episodes where various villains try to turn over a new leaf (including one for Harley), but they always end with the villain in question backsliding into villainy.  As one critic pointed out, it’s kind of Calvinist that way: you’re either good or bad from creation, and no matter what you try to do you can’t change that, no matter how much you might want to be good.  A B:TAS villain has no choice but to be a villain till the story ends, and the story is never meant to end.

Comic books are also serialized and meant to be endless, so in this way B:TAS is pretty true to the source material.  However, because of just how long comics have gone on, sometimes writers are given permission to shake things up and change the status quo for a bit, to keep people engaged.  And while these changes are generally dialed back (there’s countless jokes about how rarely even death sticks in comics), occasionally they prove popular enough to become the new status quo.  It’s not common, but it has happened.

And this is where Harley goes from fun to inspiring - because Harley made a new status quo.

Being incredibly popular, Harley Quinn eventually got her own comic book series, which is a pretty big deal for a glorified henchman.  And because it was her comic series, the writers had to figure out who Harley was without the presence of Batman or the Joker, the characters who had defined her up to this point.  They looked at Harley’s personality and backstory and tried to figure out what Harley would do on her own.

And the result was something really interesting.  She stopped being a henchman, and ultimately proved too good-natured to be a villain, yet a bit too chaotic  and counter-culture to be a traditional hero, while also being too plucky and sweet to resemble most comic book anti-heroes.  Her background as a psychologist became more prominent as people realized that a comic book world actually kind of desperately needs some good psychologists around, and her wildcard status made her bounce off of other characters, both villains and heroes, in interesting ways few other characters could do.

It was fun and interesting and popular, so it stuck.  Harley, who was born in one of the most rigidly static versions of the Batman mythos, where villains stay villains and heroes stay heroes, broke the status quo and remade it.  Harley, who was originally defined by her failure and victimization, made a whole new role for herself, and found success despite it all.  The punching bag became so beloved that the rules of the universe bent for her, and what once was the sum of her character became just an added wrinkle of backstory to creating the trickster that comics fans love.

Harley went to college, got her dream career, promptly got her ass kicked by said career when it turned out to suck ass, and spent a decade or so going through hell before finally discovering who she really wanted to be, and then became that person to the love and support of all.  That’s why Harley Quinn is inspiring, and that’s why she’s my hero.

#Also she's very attractive

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Okayyyy now that I've slept on that episode I am ready to do some good old traumamongering so let's look at how Loki's responses to his environment and those around him are informed by his trauma--and how Mobius/the TVA are using his trauma to manipulate him.

One of the ways Loki deals with unpleasant or stressful situations is to verbally maneuver or posture, to try to assert control (if he feels he can reasonably do so). We see him do this with Tony in Avengers, who during their confrontation--at least for the moment--poses no active threat; instead of attacking him, Loki talks. In Thor, Loki tries several times to defuse situations with his words, which generally goes poorly for him. But when it comes to handling stress, it's essentially all he knows how to do--Mobius is absolutely right to point out that Loki "loves to talk," but usually his silver tongue is borne out of necessity.

In this case, starting from the moment of his escape, we see a lot of talking from Loki that is not strictly necessary. When he lands in Mongolia, the very first thing he does is make a speech to the bystanders--literally and figuratively trying to get his bearings. He's not aggressive at all (which would confuse the Avengers were they to see him, but wow, it's almost like Thanos/the Mind Stone was influencing him!) and seems quite at a loss as to what to do when the people he's addressing don't understand him. When the TVA agents try to arrest him, he tries to ask them what's going on, and gives plenty of warning (and posturing!) before attempting to physically assert himself. In the TVA itself, this continues. Loki complains, tries to intimidate, questions, and even talks to machines with no other real witnesses (twice). He's pulling out all the stops, so to speak, to try to verbally establish control of his situation. He's trying to get his bearings, to assert his autonomy and individuality--but no one is listening to him.

When that doesn't work, and only when a lot of that doesn't work, does Loki attempt physical control of his environment. He first tries his magic (something familiar to him) and is shocked when that also doesn't work. The TVA is already a foreign environment, but because none of Loki's usual and comfortable methods of surviving are working, it becomes more foreign, and more stressful. That's why he escalates to actively resisting the guards (but note he doesn't try too hard once someone (Mobius) starts talking). Physical resistance has never been Loki's forte, so he plays to his strengths while he can, but when that fails and he gets more desperate, he has to get creative.

But when Loki is stressed enough that he starts to physically fight back, the illusion of confidence starts to break down. We see this continue really clearly in the interrogation room scene. The subject matter actively makes Loki uncomfortable. His attempts to deflect or lie aren't effective, and his words once again fail to control his situation or even shield him from what he'd like to avoid. Unable to escape the direct questions, Loki again becomes physically restless and uncomfortable, standing and pacing while growing more obviously agitated. The questions Mobius is asking are ones Loki does not want to think about, and that's because they ultimately hit on his most vulnerable points.

The question of "What would you do if you could go back?" while seeming rather innocuous, is really a well-disguised gateway to all of Loki's trauma and insecurity. Why does he feel he should rule Midgard? Well, Loki attempts to respond, that's what he deserves, it's what he was born for--but it wasn't, really, and he knows it. Firstly, when it comes to his royal birthright, Loki has always fallen back on that as a grounding mechanism. It's what he asserts to claim his identity and feel powerful and in control. He does this with being a god, too, and we see him do this several times just within the TVA. But ultimately, it's just words--the real power is with those who can make what they want to happen actually happen, and in Loki's life, that has never been him. (Even talking about his birthright, and the concept of ruling, brings up the traumatic events of Thor 1; and the fact that he was looking to rule Midgard, not Asgard, means that he would still be playing second-fiddle to Thor. Midgard wasn't his birthright--Asgardians never ruled directly on Earth. It was just the best he could get.) And secondly, Loki's attack of Earth was directly caused and influenced by Thanos. That is the main source of trauma that Loki is desperately trying to avoid, and the questions he's being asked don't allow him to do so. He can't weasel out of it; Mobius is too persistent, and he knows all the worst buttons to push. In fact, he's systematically targeting Loki's weaknesses.

Look at the questions and statements he uses: "For someone born to rule, you sure lose an awful lot." Your birthright is false and you know it. "You weren't born to be a king. You were born to help others become the best versions of themselves." He juxtaposes this with footage of the Avengers, Thor among them: your identity only matters so far as you can enable others, especially your brother. Loki starts avoiding looking at the footage, becoming less brazen with his attitude and responses, so Mobius asks, "What is it that you're running from?" It's at about this point that Loki stands up, trying to physically distance himself from both Mobius and the question. This interaction reveals much about what Mobius is intending by this conversation. He's not trying to learn about Loki, necessarily. He already knows Loki is running from something, and seems to know what it is, which wouldn't be immediately clear to someone uninformed. What he's really trying to do is make Loki vulnerable, and make him admit it.

Mobius uses Loki's role in his mother's death to push him over the edge. Immediately, Loki turns on Mobius, furiously insisting that the whole thing is an illusion--more desperate verbal posturing, and Mobius treats it as such--and then Loki snaps, first throwing a chair at the painful image of his mother, which promptly reforms (it's inescapable), and then trying to attack Mobius. The fact that Loki is lashing out physically means he is desperate, but even his last resort isn't effective. He simply can't protect himself. He's powerless. That's triggering in and of itself.

But it's the footage that's the final blow. After escaping his restraints, he returns to the very room he left, and looks at his life. And he cries. He's so vulnerable and hurting and scared that in his first moment alone, he cries. And just as he thought he'd have a little bit of comfort, even laughing to see his improving relationship with Thor, he watches himself die a humiliating, pitiful, ignoble death, and hears himself say, "You will never be a god"--and that old boast means nothing because Thanos snaps his neck anyway. That moment, seeing the thing he was running from catch up to him and kill him, is his final emotional breaking point. When Loki laughs and bitterly says, "Glorious purpose," that's the end of the posturing. He's admitting Mobius was right: he didn't have a glorious purpose, or a glorious anything. Which is why when Mobius comes back, Loki tells the truth, unprompted. He actually calls himself weak. He admits he's been putting up an illusion in a feeble attempt to get control of his situation.

This level of vulnerability from Loki is unheard of, and speaks to how utterly he's been worn down by the very intentional psychological manipulation of Mobius and the TVA. When Loki entered, he was actively opposing them. Now, after having been massively triggered and emotionally exhausted, he's suggestible, and by playing a friendly angle, Mobius can manipulate Loki into working with them--and, literally, against himself.

Whether he has good intentions or no, that makes Mobius a truly formidable player, and one Loki--and we--shouldn't be too hastily comfortable with. He is clearly a master manipulator, and has no qualms using Loki's trauma to break him.

But what should be most concerning of all is that he succeeds. Because the only other person to have ever done that?

Is Thanos.

#marvel #loki #loki series #mobius #meta #my meta posts #kay can i just catch my breath for a second #now i haven't decided whether mobius is just a bro or whether he's secretly evil but lemme tell you i would not be surprised #he very well might be a good guy but the fact that he can break loki so quickly? with relatively little effort? #like. the fact that loki was emotionally strained enough to cry??? which he has never actually done?? #that should be something we don't forget too quickly #quality meta seal of approval #not to hype my own post up i just put that on all meta posts so that i can find them #loki series spoilers

[script-nef]

Fluff alphabets | Tsukishima Kei

Others:  Hinata, Kageyama, Oikawa

Category: fluff

Affection: How affectionate is he? How does he show affection?

Tsukishima isn’t all that affectionate, but tries to make sure you know he loves you. 

Like helping you with studies or buying you books which you commented on before. It shows he pays attention to everything you’ve said, even in passing.

From a salty and seemingly uncaring boy, that’s one of the best things you can ask for.

Baby: Does he want to start a family?

Have you seen this guy? He’s the type to despise babies and claim they’re nothing but crying and whining migraine producers. 

If you absolutely want to have them, then he’s going to have a long talk with you. He doesn’t think he’ll be the best dad due to his personality but is willing to try if you’re absolutely adamant on the idea of kids.

Only one though. He really doesn’t think he can take more than that.

Cuddles: Does he like cuddling? How often does he like hugging?

If you ask for one, he’ll definitely hug you but not without blushing. He’s not very used to physical contact with others but slowly learns them with you.

Most of his hugs are him just towering over you and pulling you into his embrace. He’ll hug you whenever you’re feeling down or lonely, as if to say “I’m here for you.” Tsukishima may not seem like it, but he’s pretty attentive of your moods and conditions.

Date: What is a typical date?

You both love learning things, so dates are usually to informative places like museums, aquariums and art galleries. You would sometimes act as a curator and explain things in your specialty to him while he does the same.

You also go around quizzing each other on random exhibits like “what era do you think that was made?” and the person with the lower score after hours of walking around has to pay for lunch.

Experience: How much has he dated before? How does that reflect in this one?

He’s had plenty of confessions before but you’re the first one he accepted. It was a drunken confession after being friends for a year but his brain was clear enough to accept. 

He’s not experienced and that added to his default personality, he had a lot to learn. Communication is key in a relationship and he also searches up what kinds of things a boyfriend should do. 

You laughed when you found out he does that but it’s honestly very cute and adorable.

Fight: Do you fight often with him? How does it usually end?

Fights are common and incredibly messy. Lots of shouting and structured arguments from both sides because you’re both smart as hell and you gotta put those debate skills somewhere.

It ends once you both calm down and have a clear head. 

Once you got heated up and yelled so much that your vocal cords got damaged and spat out a tiny bit of blood. Which made him stop immediately and run to the kitchen to get you some warm tea and then apologised.

Gentle: How does he treat you?

Verbally? Tsukishima is scathing. No sugarcoats, this boy is salt incarnate with a tongue sharp enough to cut through Wall Maria. You, of course, are the same. In university, everyone called you two “that fighting couple” because you guys were constantly bantering.

Of course, he treats you well because he drinks his ‘respect you lover’ juice. It’s hidden under a couple of mountains of salt, but this boy cares about you the most and constantly worries about you.

Hand: Does he like holding your hand? How often?

He often holds your hand outside so that he knows you’re not wandering off. He also likes comparing his hand size to yours and teases you saying “you’re so tiny” as if he wasn’t a 190cm titan.

He also holds your hand during movies, especially scary ones, to help you calm down and not be frightened so much. It sometimes turns into a competition to see who has a stronger grip which alleviates some of the tension.

Impression: What was your first impression of him?

Absolutely terrible. This was expected with his aloof personality and sharp remarks. You took a history class together in university.

You had to work together for a project and wow, things got off to a rough start. He was having a bad day and accidentally took it out on you. Of course, you didn’t back down and spat back insults as well. So shit went sideways real quick.

Your initial impression got better as you worked together but you still bring it up to this day. It makes him feel guilty but you laugh it off and say “who would have guessed we would go out?”

Jealousy: Does he get jealous easily? What sets him off?

A lot of other people ask you out because they either don’t know you’re dating him or doesn’t believe it. He had a reputation during university for being incredibly smart but also rude. They just can’t believe you’d go out with him.

But he doesn’t get jealous because:

1. You’re not his possession and can hang out with anyone you want

2. You’re dating and love him. Other people can love you but he’s the one with you at the end of the day, so who cares.

Kiss: Is he good at kissing? When does he kiss you?

Tsukishima is not fond of deep kisses because he doesn’t find the idea of exchanging saliva that attractive. However, he’s fine with any other ones. 

He especially likes forehead and top-of-the-head kisses. It’s the easiest physically and comforts him as well.

Love: Who said “I love you” first? And when does he say it?

He said it first, half-awake. It was your weekly movie night and he was so tired from all the assignments and projects that he drifted off to sleep during the movie. It was near the end so you waited until the ending credits rolled.

Thankfully you were watching it in bed, otherwise you’d have to wake him up because you can’t carry him to bed. So you shifted him a bit to lay him down but he woke up from your movements.

He was super disorientated but the second he saw your face, he mumbled “love you…” then went straight back to sleep. He doesn’t remember it though. 

When you told him about it, he refused to acknowledge it happened.

Memory: What’s his favourite memory with you?

When he came back home to see you sing his favourite song in the living room. It was his favourite song since childhood and brings up a lot of memories.

He put it on a lot and you like it too. He knows you don’t like singing in front of other people, but the fact that you’re singing it with ease and hitting every note perfectly reminds him how much time you spent together. 

You blushed when you realised he came in but he just sat down next to you and said “keep singing, it’s good.” He smiles every time he hears it now because it reminds him of that time.

Nickname: Does he give you a nickname? Do you have one for him?

If you don’t reach his height, he calls you a midget. You could literally be 0.5, no wait, 0.1 cm shorter than him and he’d still taunt you with it while laughing. (You, shaking your fist: “This bitch…”)

In retaliation, call him beanpole or sequoia with a scowl. It doesn’t really affect him and he’ll be like “Oh, so you do know how tall I am compared to you.” But he loves it if you’re smaller than him because you fit into his embrace easily, and it feels like he’s protecting you.

(I also have this dream of calling my s/o “Tsuki” as in the moon which means “I love you”, from Natsume Souseki’s translation.)

Open: How open is he about his feelings?

Not really. He wouldn’t profess his love for you like Hinata (“Do I look like that single brain-celled volleyball maniac?”) but neither would he be completely silent on it. 

He won’t say it out of the blue, totally unprompted, but once he’s comfortable and relaxed with you, it would slip out. Mostly in the form of a whisper, just so only you can hear his words.

PDA: Is he fine with PDA? How far can he go?

He doesn’t really like it but will, reluctantly, participate if you want to. His limit is just hand-holding, though. Hugs are once-in-a-blue-moon surprises in public. 

He once had to live through the embarrassment of Hinata shrieking and gaining attention when you kissed him which ruined the entire PDA thing. His glare to the orange boy would have flayed him alive if you didn’t step in.

Quirk: Habits or something he does which is unexpected?

Is a history buff, but not one of those war ones. More like the ‘Age of the Dinosaurs’ ones. It’s obvious that he likes them but it’s to the point where he can literally recite facts about any of them. It gets more and more intense since he works at a museum now.

Whenever he finds a new fact or anecdote, he sends them to you so you can “become educated”. If you find some, text it over to him and he’ll say “thanks”.

Relax: What activities do you do with him to relax?

Baking. Strawberry shortcake, to be exact. 

You made one for him when he told you that it was his favourite but it ended horribly because he said it tasted terrible. Even though others said it was fine.

So after that, he always insists on baking with you to “keep an eye on you” and gives you constant feedback (read: instructions and naggings). But it’s worth it in the end because the product is his happy smile.

(You later find out he only said it was terrible to make an excuse to spend more time with you, but in his Tsukishima version.)

Support: How supportive is he of your dreams? What do you do for him?

He would, of course, be 100% supportive of anything you’re thriving for. But he’s different to others in the sense that he’s more grounded and realistic, so that’s the type of advice he’ll give you.

If he sees you’re getting stressed or strained over a project or anything like that, he’ll ask you if it’s really worth it and propose the idea of just leaving it. He doesn’t like seeing you push yourself so far.

You come a lot to the museum because it has a café with an amazing hot chocolate. He comes in between his breaks and has a snack while you talk to him about the displays. He helps to set up a lot of it so you always say “It looked amazing!” and it cheers him up every time.

Talk: What does he like talking about?

Tsukishima is a man of few words, but he loves talking to you. He says it’s because you’re not annoyingly ignorant (*cough* Kagehina *cough*) and he can hold an intelligent conversation.

Talks range from what you did today to societal concerns to what you learnt today. He likes seeing you become passionate about the problems you have or calmly recount all the mishaps you went through that day. You always seem to have an action-packed life.

Umbrella: What’s his favourite weather/season?

Ones of those incredibly cloudy and grey days, possibly raining slightly. He likes studying to the pitter-patter of rain on the roof of the house.

He also likes it because it means he can share an umbrella with you on the way home. He purposely bought one with a large span so you can walk home together with no shoulders getting soaked.

Vaunt: Does he like showing you off?

Nope. He never feels the need to flaunt you off to others because he doesn't see the need for it. It’s not like showing you off to others means he cares more about you or anything like that.

He feels more comfortable knowing your little habits and lifestyle to himself, because it reminds him that he knows you more than anyone else.

World: Where does he take you for vacation?

Somewhere close by, a place where he knows the geography well and also knows you’re going to like. Tsukishima doesn’t like going to foriegn places because of language barriers and mishaps which might not end well.

In the first place, he doesn’t like moving all that much so his ideal vacation will be something like a rented cabin and not backpacking around. If you want to do something physical, he would research all about it and think of every possibility which might happen.

X-ray: What happens when you’re injured or sick?

Immediate response is a snarky remark on how you should have taken care of your body. The entire time he’s nursing you, it never stops. Sometimes you snap and tell him to get out, but he never does. 

When he gets hurt, he won’t call for you, claiming that he’s fine and that it’s not life-threatening. Yamaguchi will probably text you about it along with “I didn’t say this to you! Keep it a secret!”

So you sneak into his house and make some warm porridge or chicken soup. He says he hates being coddled but in reality, he loves it.

Yearn: How much does he miss/pine for you when apart?

He does miss you, but not all that much. And won’t admit it either, he’s too much of a tsundere for that. 

Tsukishima doesn’t understand why couples cry as they have to leave to another city or country when it’s only for a short amount of time. He’s going to come back soon and he knows that your love for him and his love for you won’t disappear in that short span of time.

ZZZ: Does he have sleeping habits?

Always has to put on some type of music when falling asleep. Of course, it’s usually quiet classical or lo-fi songs and even then, the volume is turned way down. 

It basically serves as BGM while he mumbles to you about his teammates and museum works. And you reply with bits of your day as well.

For some reason, your voice works better as a lullaby than any music.

#tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima imagine #tsukishima kei imagine #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu!! imagine #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!! headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #tsukishima #tsukishima kei #fluff #alphabets #request #gender neutral reader

[letapollojusticesayfuck]

For the spotify fic thing, would you do Klapollo with song number... Hmm 🤔... 76? 💙

Hope you’re ready for some....hurt/comfort? Arguably I should make this more angsty but I refuse. (I promise Apollo shows up! Just...later. Because this got Very Long)

76. Monsters (feat. blackbear) -- All Time Low

It’s hard to come to terms with the aftermath of the events of the past few months. Harder still to look back across his entire life, comb through every single interaction, and realize all of the things he’d brushed off as insignificant; an odd word choice here and there, a scathing comment every now and again, the smooth way that every little inconsistency had been brushed off, minimized, and he’d been reminded that oh, Klavier, that didn’t happen--I was out of town that day, remember? You must be mistaken.

Even with Kristoph Gavin dead, Klavier still hears the echoes of his brother’s words in his head.

He’s lying haphazardly across his couch, a bottle of whatever he could find in the bottom cupboard (Rum? Tequila? Vodka? It doesn’t matter, it’s not like he’s tasting it) half-empty on the table, the glass in his hand drained with all the ice cubes still almost intact. It’s been three days since the execution, and he’s been off work for a week already. But there’s nothing to do but avoid the press, avoid his co-workers, avoid avoid avoid.

Klavier just keeps thinking: I should have known. I should have seen this coming. Because he’s not always adored Kristoph--the fact that he spent seven years practically avoiding the man is testament to that, at least. Even throughout his childhood, a childhood where Kristoph had practically raised him, had been the one making sure Klavier had lunch at school and transportation to and from his extracurriculars, had watched over him when he was ill and had helped him with his homework--there had always been conditions, had always been qualifiers. Klavier had been expected to fit a specific image, to go along with Kristoph’s version of events, to be somebody that he’d increasingly realized that he just wasn’t.

It’s no coincidence that he’d hid the fact that he was considering becoming a prosecutor from his brother. It’s no coincidence that he’d kept his earnings from the band and its merch in a bank account that Kristoph hadn’t had access to, even when Klavier was a minor and still technically under Kristoph’s legal supervision.

(Being a law prodigy had its benefits in other ways than just getting a prosecutor’s badge at age 17)

Klavier goes to take another sip of his drink, before remembering that the glass is empty. He places it on the table instead, reaching for the bottle and unscrewing the cap. But as he starts to pour the clear liquid out, he hears a handful of hard knocks against his apartment door, and startles enough that he sloshes the alcohol all across the coffee table.

“Just a minute!” he calls, and god, is that his voice? He sounds hoarse, rough, practically slurring the words together. Klavier doesn’t drink, not properly, not often, and it’s clearly taking its toll on him.

He gives the table up as a lost cause and puts the bottle down, stumbling across the living room to the door. And it’s like he’s seeing the apartment for the first time, as he narrowly avoids tripping over mysterious piles of clothing, broken pictureframes, half-filled-out paperwork.

Klavier pulls the door open, and finds himself staring at Apollo Justice, who’s standing on his welcome mat with his arms crossed and a grocery bag in hand, giving him a stern glare.

“Prosec--Klavier. You look terrible.”

And he can’t just let that slide--so he tries to remember how to arrange the muscles in his face into a smile, to put on the extraneous flair to his accent and disguise the croakiness of his voice: “Ach, how rude, is this how you start all your conversations?”

It’s not even convincing in the slightest.

Apollo doesn’t take the bait, only levels his best unimpressed expression at Klavier and pushes past him, into the apartment, leaving Klavier standing in the doorway, looking lost.

“Okay, right, I know you’ve had a really shitty week. And I know you’re feeling a lot of things, and that’s okay--but I’m worried about you. We all are. And you can’t keep doing...this...forever. So I’m here to help you get everything back in some sort of livable state, and...to help in other ways, if you want. If you’d like to talk about....”

He trails off, but Klavier knows how that sentence ends. And the fact that Apollo’s here, that he’s doing something that nobody expected of him, that he....cares? 

Klavier can count on one hand the amount of times he’s had somebody do anything like this for him, unprompted, without some kind of secret hidden agenda or expectation of a favor in return. He still doesn’t know that Apollo doesn’t expect some kind of repayment, but somehow, he gets the feeling that that’s not the kind of person Apollo is.

And in the dusky evening light, as Apollo whisks around Klavier’s unkempt apartment, opening the curtains and windows, tidying the things Klavier hadn’t had the energy to deal with, breathing new life into the space and providing some semblance of normal once again, Klavier Gavin finds himself on the brink of regaining some kind of sense of who he is, himself, and what he wants.

“Yeah,” he finds himself saying, faintly. “I think....I think I would like to talk about it, actually.”

#ask #asks #my writing #ask game #okay TECHNICALLY this is like. pre-klapollo #but the INTENT is there #how many times can I write Klavier being conflicted about Kristoph? Yes. #either I didn't listen to a lot of overtly happy songs this year #or you guys just have a knack for picking the Kind Of Sad Ones #also lmao feel free to roast my music taste #ANYWAY thanks for the ask!! #hope this is okay!! #journeythroughtherain #lucy's thoughts

[tothedarkdarkseas]

Is murdoc capable of doing genuinely kind, good things? Do you think he ever has in his life, or ever will?

I think that’s a great question, and I think you’re trying to get me in trouble!

I should probably preface that of course I like Murdoc. I find Murdoc to be a very compelling guy. I think there can be an understandable defensiveness around our favorite characters, and there can be a fear, maybe, that if you sympathize with or relate to Murdoc in some way, it has to mean he’s a good person, otherwise you’re not a good person, and that isn’t acceptable. I don’t agree with that, but I understand it’s a feeling that can be hard to distance yourself from. I’m not here to insist everyone has to be as hard on the characters as I am, but I don’t want discussing them in terms like this to be seen as “bashing” and not just, y’know, one fan’s thoughts on a messy complicated dealio.

Disclaimers all accounted for… I lean toward a “no.” Not on those terms, at least. I don’t mean to discount Murdoc being capable of good, as anyone is capable of doing better and improving in some abstract way; I also don’t mean to discount that Murdoc has ever, in the entirety of canon, said nice things to fans in webcasts, or tried to do something to help the band, or had sincere emotions of regret or gratitude. But I do think if we’re defining “being good” as “doing good things” (and I do think that’s a fair enough statement) then seeing that with consistency would be a major difference. And this isn’t meant to disparage any redemption or color me as someone with no faith in Murdoc to change, but I do admittedly like to keep an unpretty reality to the characters– and realistically, I don’t know if at nearly 60, Murdoc’s in a very likely position to turn his entire personality around and become altruistic. Not saying it’s impossible, but I don’t find it likely. And I don’t personally need it to happen, either.

Here’s the bigger issue (at least in my characterization of him, I don’t necessarily think I can or should argue for anything else here): when Murdoc shows kindness it is not always genuine, and what about Murdoc is genuine is not always kind. It is difficult for Murdoc to be a “sincerely giving” person, because being kind, patient, generous, or humble are not emotions that I think Murdoc feels sincerely. Not unprompted, not non-performatively, not alone in the dark. I think Murdoc feels slighted. I think Murdoc feels owed. I think, in his most “humane” moments, Murdoc feels guilt and regret and self-loathing, but I do not think those things then become roots for behavior I’d call kind. At worst, it makes him mean, it makes him avoidant/in denial of his wrongdoing (toward Stu especially) or it makes him cruel, belittling, and aggressive. At best, it makes him manic-depressive. It makes him do a big stupid thing to prove himself, or do nothing at all.

I realize it’s kind of tacky to just quote things and point to other media, but there have been some excellent lines in Bojack that really helped me when I was conceptualizing Murdoc a little more. In the (infamous) episode Free Churro, Bojack gives a line about how he always thought big gestures were how you showed love, but it just isn’t enough; what the people in your life need isn’t a spectacle, it’s you being better, it’s you being consistent, every day. And that’s hard. I can definitely see Murdoc as a grand gesture kind of guy. This, in combination with his “sincere feelings” like regret or fear, makes him do those stupid things I mentioned. It makes him buy a giant abandoned studio for a band he’s desperately formed with a guy he nearly killed, riding high on speed and the wild-eyed belief that he really made a fortuitous mistake that night. It makes him run away to Mexico with bad cheques and keep no contact as the band comes apart. It makes him buy an island made of garbage, and trap his singer there. It makes him decide to turn a mental breakdown into an album, recording every frantic thought along the way, not allowing grief to be something he experiences alone. It has to be a spectacle. Even the more generous fans were skeptical about elements of Phase 5′s wrapping-up, and while I didn’t find it to be great writing, I do find that much believable for Murdoc: that he is performative by nature. I don’t doubt he’d feed us bullshit about being reformed, no matter what he felt inside.

See, it isn’t that I don’t think Murdoc feels sorry for anything he’s done, especially in his relationship to Stu, but what is “real” to him and what is reality don’t feel equal. I think Murdoc’s regret is sincere; I don’t think Murdoc’s apologies are sincere. That doesn’t mean I’m throwing Murdoc to the wolves, but when you’re looking outside of just him, trying to give some shared priority to the people his actions affect, it’s fair to ask what those feelings are worth compared to how he behaves. And yeah, I do think the end result is that making a flashy gesture of goodwill is not worth as much as not fucking up would’ve been. (Hate to bring up Bojack again, but it’s just conveyed so well in the “Do you think I’m a good person, deep down?” “I don’t know if I believe in deep down. I kind of think who you are is just… the things you do.”)

It makes me seem like a real tool to reference my own stupid fics, but if we’re just talking about my “version” of the characters and I’m not presuming to speak for canon… in Oysters, Stu says to Murdoc that “this (Plastic Beach) is what you are now.” I can imagine some would dislike that sentiment and think it’s unfair to hold Murdoc to one action as something defining to his entire person, and I don’t actually disagree with that; but more than that, I don’t disagree with Stu saying it. I think being so ready to distance Murdoc from his own actions is being a little too dismissive toward Stu’s experience, an experience he never asked for and has had ripple effects for them both. To him, for a very long time, Murdoc is the things he’s done. He’s allowed to say that. He’s the one Murdoc did them to.

That taps into a tougher question with an even less likable answer though– can Murdoc sincerely “make up” for anything? Can Murdoc be Stu’s dog for the next 30 years and “make up” for the first 15? (Focusing only on Stu here as I don’t feel qualified to talk about anything else.) That answer just isn’t going to be what Murdoc wants to hear. There’s no undoing it, there is no forgiving it, and Murdoc’s punishment– the only punishment he’s really had to suffer for it– is living with not getting that. That isn’t fair, he’d think, and he’d be a little right. Stu assigning blame to Murdoc forever isn’t fair, but he’s got every right to do it. It isn’t a healthy or mature mindset for Stu either, but unfortunately for Murdoc, his actions have given Stu a very earned grudge. I think they just eventually reach a point where Stu has to decide that… they’re not going to dwell on it anymore. It isn’t forgiveness. It isn’t making things right. But it is a man who was denied some major autonomy in his own life making his own decision. I also think Murdoc is smart enough to know that sorry doesn’t mean anything to Stu; in a raw, quiet, sincere moment between them, I don’t think Murdoc would disrespect Stu by asking him to say he’s forgiven. I think he’d take what he gets.

Sorry, I guess I’m getting off track and I’m not sure how to get back on. I hope it doesn’t make me seem like too much of a ball-buster for Murdoc, but I personally feel more sympathy for his relationship to Stu if he’s self-aware enough not to ask for it. I think Murdoc has only dug himself deeper with his habits and gestures up until this point. I think the best thing Murdoc can do is accept what he’s done and what he is, and in doing so… I don’t really think he’ll tap into some secret stowed away bleeding heart, gushing with “kindness” and “goodness.” And I don’t think that’s what Stu’s looking for.

I don’t think Murdoc is a very strong candidate for being “sincerely good.” I think eventually he can at least be what he needs to be, for Stu’s benefit, to get on with their lives though. I think he’s capable of seeing what that would mean, and having enough respect for Stu to put himself and his wants second.

#Anonymous #behind a cut again because it's long #and because i just rambled in no direction and it's hard to parse #sorry! #headcanon posts #also sorry it just turned into 2doc talk exclusively halfway through

[maximuswolf]

Ex manipulated me heavily at the end. I feel triggered, anxious, and exhausted. via /r/BPD

Ex manipulated me heavily at the end. I feel triggered, anxious, and exhausted.

This post is likely going to be very, very long. I may add a TLDR later but right now my brain is too zapped too figure out a shortened way to say all of this. I’m also using a throwaway account.

My ex and I (both female) were together for almost two years when I ultimately ended things just under a week ago. In the beginning she seemed wonderful and great, and like she was motivated and driven and only wanted the best for me. But slowly some red flags started popping up that I should have paid more attention to. And some things I am - just recently - discovering were lies and/or manipulation tactics she used that didn’t even come across as red flags to begin with.

Let me say this - she picked the wrong girl. I do not bend for people easily. I have worked intensely on my BPD and my mental state and becoming a better person/version of myself in spite of it, but I am not weak and controllable.

The days leading up to the breakup, the red flags became far more apparent than they ever had. She said that she has no one else aside from me, and if we ever broke up, she would end her life. She isolated herself by becoming angry and hostile with everyone. I’d try to help her make friends but it was fruitless so the only friends she ever saw were my friends, which drove me crazy because it - at times - impeded on my ability to hang out with people I may not get to see often.

This aspect is a longer instance so bare with me. We had an unfortunate issue happen when isolation occurred and had to move from our apartment quickly. She knew I was in a bad mental state and agreed that it would be better if I left for my uncles house to be safe and avoid inpatient. My best friend H was more than happy to take my place in the packing situation so that my ex wouldn’t be alone and it would move at the same pace. I asked my ex repeatedly if she was okay with my going and my friend staying and she kept saying it was fine, she promised it was fine, not to worry. Well all of that was a lie and she used it against me in a fight saying that I was selfish and left her. When I said she could have told me no she tried to make it my fault that she cannot say no, despite me not having a track record of getting upset when someone says no to something (I’m actually almost comically chill about crap). She also insinuated that H did not pack enough to her standards and she couldn’t figure out why H even showed up if she wasn’t going to help. A different friend - A - told me he felt my ex was being insanely ungrateful. Then H, a person I trust and has no reason to lie to me for any reason, told me (unprompted) that she felt really annoyed packing with my ex because she wouldn’t do anything and was on her phone almost the whole time or just handed her things to pack. She was angry that my ex accused her of being like that, especially since my ex started trying to put stipulations on my friendship with H that were already pissing us both off (for a very petty reason, she did not want H in the house or in the car, and didn’t want to be at my birthday party coming up if H was invited - H has taken me to inpatient more than anyone, visited and called me in inpatient every time, and has always been a shoulder I could count on, so not inviting her was out of the question). There are tons of examples I can give of just how unreasonable she could truly be.

Anyway, aside from just that, ex and I had loads of problems. I know her “biggest” problem with me was that I’m not affectionate enough. I told her we should write a list of relationship expectations down and put a month timeframe on it, so we did. At the end of that month, if it still didn’t feel right, we’d break up.

The next two days I just didn’t feel right about the whole situation. I knew I cared for her but I wasn’t in love with her and I just felt trapped and suffocated. I just wanted out. She knew I was acting off so I finally told her that I just couldn’t see us being happy going forward and that I needed to be done. She became immediately hostile and accused me of leading her on - the exact thing I was trying not to do - and said I lied about so many things. Like “how could you pretend to care about me and even say we are going to be friends?!” stuff. I tried to stay calm and composed and only say what I felt was needed so as not to push her any further. She decided to go for a drive which I didn’t think much of because she does like to drive when upset.

I called my friend A to let him know what happened and amidst the call my ex texts me a picture of a knife that she has in her car. She won’t tell me where she is and won’t promise me she won’t hurt herself so I had no choice but to call the cops which I knew would make her mad but that’s all I could do. A gets off the phone with me and calls her and is actually able to keep her talking and calm her down enough to convince her to come home. She sends me some heated texts and then comes back into the house. She stays up until about 3-4 am watching tv so I finally feel calm and okay enough to go to bed.

The next day, things are calm but I realize she didn’t put the knife back and it isn’t in her car. I go ask her to give it to me. She yells a bit but finally relents and gives it to me and indicates that “something else is in progress” but won’t tell me what. Again, I have no choice but to call the cops. I do feel manipulated but I don’t take those threats with a grain of salt - ever. The cops and medics show up but they can’t do much so they just say to call if anything else happens. I’m too scared to leave the house at this point so a family friend brings me cat food and pizza so I don’t have to run any errands. For most of the day, she spends that day isolated in her room. Later that night, though, she sends me TikToks on how people with my mental illnesses are able to work with people with her mental illnesses. It annoys me but I mostly ignore it because telling her “we are never ever ever getting back together” isn’t a good idea at the time. I also reach out to her mom and sister (who she has cut off) because I cannot handle the situation alone anymore and they are rightfully worried as crap.

The next day I’m in my room watching a show and I keep hearing a banging noise. The washing machine is backed up against the room she is in so I think maybe it’s loud and she doesn’t realize what it is and is trying to sleep. I ask her about it and her fist is clenched against the wall and she won’t tell me why she is doing it. Fun fact: I get triggered when people are angry and slamming things and taking their hostility out physically. She knows this, but decides to spend most of the day punching the walls. I end up listening to a podcast with headphones on and playing animal crossing to drown it out for a bit. A short while after taking them off, I head her sharpening a knife in the kitchen and go down and take it from her as she’s about to go back into the room. I ask her what her plan was, no answer.. so I have to call the cops again.

I spend a long time talking to her mom and sister that night. They advise me that she tends to try to make people hurt when she is hurting and inform me of some of the lies she may have told. They also apologize to me for her manipulating me. I tell them I’m considering spending the night elsewhere because I can’t keep going and they actually back me on it, saying I need time for myself too.

H comes to get me. The very second I get to her house, ex texts me the pills she is going to take and a will. I hardly respond before her sister tries to call me, I tell them I have to go and call the cops, and they get a call from ex. I told them not to let ex know I am talking to the cops and just try to convince her to open the door for them when they get there so they don’t have to go through the garage.

They end up getting her to the hospital, and I believe she is in inpatient now. She keeps telling her mom and sister I don’t care about her, and her sister even told her I’m just trying to give her space and won’t be calling her but she can call me. Hell, I even dropped clothes off at the ER for her last night because I know how much inpatient donated clothes can suck.

I should be able to finally breathe today but I just feel so exhausted and drained and triggered. My anxiety has peaked, causing issues with my OCD as well. I am lucky I have tremendous friends.. I don’t want my ex to suffer but she needs to realize that she needs helps and needs to accept it because I’m not the first relationship she has tried too hard to gain a semblance of control over, leading to a demise. I’m not sure what I want by posting this, but maybe encouragement? I luckily do not feel suicidal, just lost.

We will not be getting back together - so no worries there. Honestly idk if I can ever be her friend again after this

Submitted September 18, 2020 at 09:03AM by highprincess_diehigh via reddit https://ift.tt/3c8WHBp

[legolasgoldy]

((Finrod + Rhys for the ship meme.))

// Thank you!!! :D @blind-mutant

Send me a ship and i’ll tell you                        

who hogs the duvet

They cuddle so close that I dont think thats a problem really, but Finrod definitely makes sure Rhys gets plenty of blanket around him to keep him snuggly and warm. Especially during the winter, Finrod doesnt like the cold but his body can regulate its temperature if he gets too cold even if it’ll sting his skin a lil from chilliness, he’ll make sure Rhys is all wrapped up. After all Rhys weighs less and need to retain more warmth. Altho, during the summer if their AC were to break it would probably be the opposite, they’d probs only use a sheet? He’d listen to hear if Rhys’ heart was beating to fast from being hot, or if he just felt he was too hot he’d pull the sheet off him a little and probably adjust his hair so it wouldnt be keeping him hot.

who texts/rings to check how their day is going

They dont have cellphones. Finrod may call during Rhys’ lunch break to make sure hes okay during the first week Rhys was at his job. Or if Rhys hadnt been feeling well the day before he’d check up on him. Or, also, If Finrod was having a bad day at work he’d call Rhys just to hear his voice. I feel like this could go vise versa, if Rhys needed to for what ever reason he could ask a coworker to help him use the phone and call Finrod.

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

Well.. this is a tricky question. I think they are most creative in their own way. So its a tie. Rhys cant see what he wants to buy so most likely, he’d ask a neighbor ( or friend at school depending on time period) to help him. He’d have to feel things to know what he wanted to buy as well as a friend’s help, and hes not gonna buy just anything, its gonna be something he knows Finrod would love.

Finrod does the same thing essentially, he makes sure to get things he knows without a doubt Rhys would love, whether it be just something cute for him to have, or something to help him (like a braille watch, etc.), or something for them to enjoy together like books.

who gets up first in the morning

Finrod XD He gets up at around 6 am/6:30am depending and always lets Rhys sleep as much as he can so he’ll be well rested. He knows sometimes its harder for blind people to sleep at night, and Rhys doesnt like getting up early either. So, typical routines are listed below:

As teenagers, Finrod gets up at 6 am and gets ready for school and gets as many things as he can ready for Rhys as well, then at around 7 am he’ll lay back down next to Rhys and attempt to wake him up too, very gently. If they are just best friends he’ll probably put an arm around him and whisper to him, and move hair outta his face. If they are dating he’ll kiss his cheek along with that.

As adults living together, on days where they work, its very similar to when they were teenagers with school. Finrod wakes up at around 6 am and gets up, makes tea, gets ready, then crawls back into bed with Rhys around 7 am and tries to gets wake him up with soft kisses, cuddles, and whispers.

On days when they are off work he’ll get up at around the same time, maybe 6:30am, and he’ll make tea, take the cup back to the bedroom and sit on the bed super carefully, finish the tea, then lay back down with Rhys and stays there. He doesnt go back to sleep, he just snuggles Rhys like he had been doing before he got up and lays there for a while relaxing with his bf. Probably a good 4 hours or so around 8:45/9am he’ll finally start to wake Rhys up with his usual gentle kisses and whispers, although this time he’ll be asking about what Rhys wants for breakfast since they’ll have time for a lazy big indulgent breakfast.

who suggests new things in bed

Rhys lol. Finrod is a lil too polite to suggest things often.

who cries at movies

Finrod. He reacts to movies so much. He’ll cry, growl, whine, whimper, etc.

who gives unprompted massages

Well i think its safe to say they both probably would if they really wanted to? Although in all honesty, Rhys has never seen someone give a message but would try his best if he decided to give one, while Finrod is a bit.. afraid to give Rhys massages. He can control his strength super well now, but Rhys does bruise easy so he’d be extremely cautious. 

who fusses over the other when they’re sick

Finrod fusses over Rhys so much, even when Rhys doesnt like it. He’s gatta make sure his love is okay.

who gets jealous easiest

Ohhh XD What a queston haha.  Well.. this is trickyy. Probably Rhys. but Finrod does get jealous sometimes when they are teens.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music

Hmm considering the times, I would have to say Finrod. While everyone else is listening to the typical popular music of the 70s-80s ( and granted he does too) he listens to a lot of classical music sometimes. Like Mozart for example. He really likes classical instrumentals.

who collects something unusual

Um..I dont know of anything unusual that they would collect? Finrod collects seashells but most he has on display are ones they collected together at the beach. Finrod collects jewelry. The collection of books, belongs to them both. Rhys has a collections of bunny plushies that Finrod keeps buying him and other things that feel nice.

who takes the longest to get ready

Finrod, he fixes his hair, picks out an outfit, decides which earrings to wear, maybe a bracelet. Where as Rhys cant see to really do much, he gets dressed, brushes his hair, and brushes his teeth?. BUT Finrod always helps Rhys get ready, especially helps with his hair, and if Rhys wants a tiny touch of makeup sometimes he’ll stop everything hes doing to help him put it on.

who is the most tidy and organized

Finrod is, but always tries to include Rhys in on everything. They equally decided what goes where so its a mutual thing? Altho as for cleaning the house, Finrod does that.

who gets most excited about the holidays

They both do, but I think Rhys a bit more. He never really had that big happy family holiday thing, and ever since he met Finrod he suddenly has this huge family that loves him. It took a while to get used to, but by the time he and Finrod are dating everything would have become a bit more comfortable and absolutely love it.

who is the big spoon/little spoon

Rhys is the little spoon, Finrod is the big spoon. But they do switch sometimes during the night, and sometimes Finrod is the lil spoon too.

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports

They dont play sports, but they do have training together in school. They play chess too. Hands down, without a doubt, Rhys is the most competitive. Finrod is the push over who always lets Rhys win haha.

who starts the most arguments

They dont really argue, but one can say technically its Finrod. XD The only time they argue is when Rhys is sick and grumpy, and Finrod unintentionally aggravates him into starting arguments.

who suggests that they buy a pet

Finrod! He knows Rhys is worried about having them even if he does want them. So, Finrod suggests solutions to how both he and Rhys can both take care of the pet safely without having to worry. That way Rhys can actually have a pet for once. They get fish first and describes all the different kinds so Rhys can pick out which he wants.

what couple traditions they have

Reading

what tv shows they watch together

Rhys doesnt watch tv shows, so anything Finrod watches is sort of on a whim.

what other couple they hang out with

Well they’ve hung out with Finrod’s brothers and their girlfriends. When they’re living in their apartment they hang out with their neighbors. Oh, and probably as teens they hung out with Jean and Scott.

how they spend time together as a couple

Tbh i feel like you can get the idea from everything above haha. They simply just live their lives together loving one another. Finrod makes sure Rhys can live his life to the fullest now without being held back as much as possible. They take care of each other, and read, go on vacation, take walks through parks, have picnics, play with each others hair, just cuddle. And once older, certain daily things that the neighbors hear are added into the picture X’D

who made the first move

Hmm another tricky question but i’ll say Rhys. He turned to kiss Finrod first. The drunk encounter doesnt exactly count bc Finrod was extremely drunk and didnt really know what he was doing.

who brings flowers home

Finrod

who is the best cook

Finrod, Rhys cant cook XD.

#OMG FINALLY <333 #blind-mutant #My Finrod Headcanons #Answered #rp related #this-is-gizmo #The bunny of Finrod's heart <3