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luveline · 8 months

Note

What about a lil fic of the first time bombshell reader gets mad at Spencer? Like it can be while they r dating or before and May be r is giving Spencer quiet treatment?

ty for requesting! ♡ fem, 1.3k

Spencer waits for Morgan to get up for a coffee before he gets up himself, tailing his teasing teammate to the microwave. He's hoping Morgan's in a sympathetic mood today, because Spencer is in dire need of some sympathy.

"Loverboy," Morgan says, his voice steeped in suspicion. "Can I help you with something?"

"Do you know why Y/N's upset?"

"You don't? You're the expert."

Spencer rubs at his nose, the beginning of another migraine brewing between his eyes. The gesture draws a little more empathy than his misguided question.

"You're gonna have to ask her yourself. I don't want her angry at me too, she's gonna fix my computer before Garcia finds out I fell for her phishing email test."

"I've been asking her. It's making it worse. She won't answer my questions anymore. She just hums."

"Silent treatment. Yikes." Morgan sips his tea through a grimace. "I mean, you must've done something bad. She's usually so–"

"Lovely?"

"–in love with you." Morgan laughs as he wanders off in the direction of the stairs up to Hotch's office. "Same thing."

Spencer decides to make a cup of bribery tea for you. He microwaves a mug of hot water and plunks a bag of your favourite blend in without ceremony, bobbing it up and down as he watches you from over his shoulder. You've moved desks upon request to sit with the rest of the team and opposite Spencer (against Hotch's self-proclaimed better judgement), your things set carefully in contrast to his books, a library's worth teeming on every spare inch. Some have even made their way onto your desk, pristinely stacked in wait of his perusal. It's one small gesture among the hundreds of kind things you do for him.

"Here," he says, setting the mug down next to your mouse carefully.

Your anger strikes him. Eyes frosted with an uneasiness he's not partial to, lips, so perfectly painted, screwed into a frown. It's not nice seeing someone he cares about upset with him, worse when he has no idea what it is he's done.

"You're annoyed at me," he says. You wait for him to continue. "I don't know what I did."

"That makes it worse." You frown at him. After a few seconds of this—your frowning, his looking sorry and confused— you sigh wretchedly (as in, he's never heard you sound that sad, ever, and he hates it). "Spencer, you stood me up."

Everything in him goes cold. "No I didn't."

Your sad frown melds again to anger. "Yes you did! I– I got my hair done at a salon, I bought a new dress, I bragged to all of my friends that my cute coworker was gonna be my date, and none of that mattered because you didn't text me back so I was worried sick all night that you were," —your voice drops to a private whisper— "in trouble somewhere, and then you come into work like nothing happened? Not even a hint of an apology? I thought you wanted to come."

Your voice burns with embarrassment. Spencer can feel it in his throat, that plucky ache of someone letting you down.

"That was last night?" he asks quietly. A friend asked you to their charity ball, not as ridiculously fancy as it sounds but an occasion of esteem and important to you nonetheless. "Y/N, I thought that was– I have it in my phone as next month. As November. I'm so sorry."

"Why didn't you answer my texts?"

He winces. "I had a migraine… Screens make it worse, and I haven't charged the battery yet because I was coming to work anyways I'm sorry, Y/N, really. I mixed it up. I should've asked you."

You seem less disheartened at his admission. You cross your arms over your abdomen and lean back a touch in your chair, as if deciding whether he's being truthful. Spencer isn't in the habit of lying to you and anybody could tell you that, so after a few seconds you look away. "I asked you if you were excited yesterday morning. I told you my dress came."

"I know." He can't believe he's gotten it wrong like this. Anyone can make a mistake, but he imagines you in your new dress with your hair done waiting for him in the cold weather that descended on Virginia last night and his guts twist into a knot. "I didn't piece it together. I didn't… I didn't…"

Spencer can't remember the last time he let someone he loves down like this. His migraine spikes again like a needle in the eye, fiery agony that has him closing his eyes to cope.

"Spencer," you say, softly admonishing. "Hey, it's okay." Your chair creaks.

"I'm so sorry," he says through his teeth.

"I thought you were being a jerk, but I guess I should've known you wouldn't do something like that." You stand up and take his elbow into a very gentle hand. "I'm sorry for giving you the cold shoulder. It was childish. I was just hurt thinking you did it on purpose."

"Sorry," he says again. "Migraine."

Your hand rises to his cheek. "Yeah? Sit down, Spence. Take a breather."

The doctors say that Spencer's migraines are psychosomatic. He doesn't get how something so odious can start from nothing.

You seem twice as upset but in a different light, ushering him down into your chair. "Don't worry," you say softly, your hand falling into his hair, "I took a great picture. You can still see me in my nice dress."

You're kidding but he's genuinely glad. Then the pain takes over and he can't see the other side of it for years.

It only feels like years.

When he can open his eyes, you've knelt by his chair. He hates to see you getting your pants dirty like that, hates worse that your eyebrows have pinched and the soft plane of your forehead has etched deep with concern.

"You can still be mad at me," he says under his breath.

"I'm a little upset," you confess, putting an uncharacteristically tentative hand on his knee. "It sucked, but not as much as this seems to suck for you." You're like an angel, all pretty and wide-eyed at his feet, your hand beginning a short path up his leg, a soft back and forth. "I'm sorry Spencer. I was punishing you for something that wasn't your fault."

"You didn't know. How could you, I–" He winces as another wave of pain flares behind his eye, blurring your small smile. "I should've charged my phone."

"Maybe. I can't imagine you had the capacity, Spence. Not if you're like this."

"Don't just forgive me because I'm in pain."

"I'm not, I'm forgiving you because even though it really hurt my feelings turning up alone, I'm not cruel enough to blame you now." You squeeze his knee. It's an instant balm, the chronic ache behind his eyes easing ever so slightly. Your forgiveness makes the rest bearable. "Can you forgive me for being so heartless?" you ask lightly.

Your lips curve demurely around each word. Spencer scrambles to cover your hand with both of his, his neck craned forward. "Of course I forgive you."

"Thank you." Spencer could collapse. "Drink some of this tea, okay? Maybe drinking something will help."

Nothing ever helps, but he does it because it's your hands bringing the cup to his lips.

"I know you looked beautiful," he says between sips.

"I would've looked better on your arm. Too bad you're getting grievously attacked by your own brain. This is what happens when it gets too big, babe, it's trying to come out of your ears." He's a little sorry to have won you back this way, but mostly so, so relieved. "Anymore of this'll and you'll start messing up the months. Oh, wait!" You laugh as he laughs but soon scramble to apologise when the sound makes his head hurt. "Sorry, I'm sorry! Drink some more tea, sweetheart."

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader

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scoonsalicious · 24 days

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6.3 Bucky

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: Lily McIntyre, trainer for new SHIELD recruits at the Avengers Tower, has been in love with her best friend, Bucky Barnes, from the moment she met him. She's been content with her role of the #1 girl in Bucky's life, even if it means she has to sabotage a romantic relationship or two. It'll be worth it when he realizes that they're meant for each other, right? There's just one small problem: Lily McIntire never expected Bucky Barnes to fall for You.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language.

Word Count: 500

Previously On...: Lily tricked Bucky into going on a picnic date; they made plans for a "friend date" for later that evening.

A/N: Sorry this is late- I tried something new with the texts, but it took too long, so I don't know if I'll do it again, lol. Reminder: My break is starting today, so there will be no new updates until Thursday, May 23rd. I'm hoping to get a ton of writing done, but I won't leave you hanging for content, I promise!

If you ever feel so inclined to support my work, hop on over to buy me a coffee; it's much appreciated! <3

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

He was really hoping his plans with Lily would take his mind off of his fuckup with Major. He must have thought about calling her about seventy five thousand times, but each time he picked up his phone to dial her number, he saw her shrug in his mind’s eye when he asked if he could call her later. Lily may have been wrong about the reasoning, but what if she had been right about the gist of it– If Major really wanted him to call her, wouldn’t she have said so? It was driving Bucky crazy.

So, he agreed to a night out with Lily as a distraction. After their impromptu picnic, he’d walked her back to her car and they’d set back off to the Compound, where Bucky napped and took a shower. He was just deciding what to wear to dinner in a few hours when a text came through on his phone. He almost did a double take when he saw it was from Major.

Sugar: Can we talk?

Bucky’s heart sped up at the sight of her words. She wanted to talk. This was good, right?

Bucky bit his lip. Lily would understand if he had to cancel, right? He’d explained to her how much he liked Major, how upset he was when he thought he’d blown it with her. She’d get why it was so important for him to meet with Major tonight. They could do a raincheck on their friend-date.

Okay, she was putting the ball in his court. Bucky wracked his brain, trying to come up with an idea that would be spontaneous, but also romantic, so he could show her that he was serious about her, about making this thing between them work. An idea struck him suddenly, and though it wasn’t very original of him, all things considered, it was perfect. Absolutely perfect. He was just going to need a few hours to get everything ready. Glancing at his phone, he realized he needed to get in gear; he didn’t have a lot of time, and there were things to do.

>> DROPPED A PIN

>> Meet me here at 7:30pm.

A few hours later, Bucky was doing his final set up preparations. He checked his phone– Major should be arriving any minute, and if he said he didn’t have butterflies in his stomach, he’d be lying. He nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone buzzed with an incoming text, but it was just from Lily.

Shit. In his haste to get everything prepared for Major, Bucky had completely forgotten he’d made dinner plans with Lily. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

It was a long moment before the three dots appeared on his screen, indicating Lily was typing.

Bucky smiled at his phone, not sure why he had been so nervous about telling Lily he was dating Major in the first place.

<- Previous Part / Next Chapter ->

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes #mcu bucky barnes #james barnes

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augustvandyne · 5 months

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Angela Lopez x reader

Angela is going into labor and reader is racing against time after a stressful call and reader makes it just in time for Angela to start pushing

-🖇

yes guys please keep sending the asks for angela tim and lucy!!

maybe a part two where they are taking care of the baby? what do we think?

baby, baby

“Does God hate me or something?” You scoff, staring at the big TV in the conference room.

Of course a case you’d been following for weeks on end finally had a solid lead the second you were unavailable.

You were helping Angela into the car to take her to the hospital, as Grey had called you with the news.

He knew today was Angela’s due date, but he thought maybe he’d had a day or two, because not everyone’s baby came on time. But Angela’s baby was coming in a few hours, tops.

You’d dropped her at the hospital, made sure she was settled, and rushed to the station, hoping to be back as fast as possible.

That hope was crushed when you found out what the lead was.

The worst part was you were the leading detective on this case, so it had to be you to check out the lead.

The lead was an hour away, at one of the high security prisons. You were heading there as soon as you got word, along with Lucy for backup.

“Are you excited for the baby?” Lucy beams with excitement as you pull into the prison parking lot.

“I’m terrified,” You let out a shaky breath, your eyes never leaving the gravel. “What if I don’t make it back in time to see our baby be born?”

“That’s nonsense,” Lucy lays a reassuring hand on your arm. “I won’t let it happen.”

“It’ll be okay,” You tried to assure yourself, but it didn’t help at all.

Angela messages for the hundredth time, and you’re afraid to check. Scared to not only find messages involving curse words and Spanish and only god knows what else, but the haunting words, it’s time.

You skim through them quickly to make sure she doesn’t message saying she’s in labor or that your baby was born without you being there, and that she was leaving you.

If you had one nightmare, it would be Angela leaving you.

These past nine months have been a roller coaster. Not knowing when you would have your cute and cuddly Angela, or your ruthless, Detective Angela, but it would be totally worth it in the end.

If it’s made you realize one thing, it’s that you love her more than anything, and you’d never leave her—but you can’t say the same for her.

“Y/n,” Lucy says your name for the third time, you not even realizing, too worried about how Angela is doing and whether you’d even make it back in time. “We need to head in now if we’re going to make it back before Angela starts giving birth.”

“Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you’re right,” You close your eyes and shake your head.

Turning the car off, you and Lucy hop out, basically sprinting into the prison.

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

You’re so grateful to hear that this wasn’t a dead end lead, but you are so getting murdered today.

Whether by Angela, Grey, or by speeding.

Angela had texted you five minutes ago, telling you she was eight centimeters dilated.

In other words, she was close, and you were fucked.

Grey may kill you because you are illegally using the police car right now. Your lights and sirens are on, and you are going way over the speed limit, racing the hour back towards the hospital.

Now, it would take thirty minutes, more or less.

You were swerving in between lanes and traffic, trying your hardest to get there before she starts pushing, because you really didn’t need an upset Angela, and you’d already let her down by leaving in the first place.

Lucy helps along the way, pointing out open spaces along the way so you’d get there faster.

You don’t even pull into a parking space when you pull into the lot. You don’t take the elevator, you take the stairs.

It feels like you are racing against time, and it doesn’t feel good.

You hear Angela from down the hall.

She’s begging for you, but she already knows the answer, because it’s more than likely she’s been begging the nurses for you for the past hour.

But when you slide into the room, faster than the flash, her eyes are happier then ever.

“Y/n,” Angela throws her head back, grateful you made it just in time, because if you were even a second later, you would’ve missed everything.

“I’m here baby, I’m here,” You wrap your arm around her neck and kiss her forehead, not even caring about the sheen of sweat covering her forehead.

“It’s time to push,” The nurse nods.

“Okay,” You nod back, “It’s time, Ange, come on, you can do it. I’m here. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, I swear to you.”

You lean your forehead down to hers, looking into her eyes.

“Bring our beautiful baby into this world, okay? I’ll be here the whole time, cheering you on. I wouldn’t want anyone else to bring our baby here.”

“Okay,” Angela winces in pain, a hand on her stomach, the other now squeezing the life out of your hand.

She blows out a breath, crying out in pain, “I need ice chips.”

“Come on, baby, you’re doing amazing. I’ll get you ice chips—“

“No,” Angela all but growls. “You were gone for all of the contractions and— mmm, god. This really hurts. Point is, you were gone, and you are not leaving my side again until maternity leave is over. I don’t even care if you have to eat or go to the bathroom. You’re staying in this room until further notice. Got it?”

“Yes ma’am,” You smile at your beautiful and bossy wife.

#the rookie x reader #the rookie #please ask me about them #🖇️ anon #angela lopez x reader #angela lopez #wlw post

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oleander-nin · 11 months

Text

The Weight of a Letter(8)

A/N: Apologies if it's not the best, I'm not having a good time right now and I'm also really busy. This is kind of a filler chapter, and I hope it doesn't come back to bite me. Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.

Taglist? If you want to be added or removed, just say so: @ssak-i @sinister-things @ancreativename @t0ta11y-n0t-cup1d @idiotreblogger @whygz @lexiechr@10yagurlchip01 @rex-ray

Part 1 - Previous - Next

Words: 1519

Content warnings: A scolding, arguing

Chapter 8: A Needed Scolding

I hear the door behind me click open, Irma’s figure stepping in. She waves at me and I wave back, my face pulled into an unsure grin. The entire interaction I had just a few moments ago made me feel uneasy, but I doubted my worry held any weight. I had just seen an old friend again after months between our first meeting. It was cool, even if he seemed more cautious this time around.

Irma makes her way across the apartment, setting her backpack down on the floor next to the couch. She crashes down, her long arms stretching above her head as she pops her back. I stand in the middle of the room for a moment more before sitting next to her, my hands clasped in front of me. My eyes scan Irma, her body collapsed on the couch as she curls into the armrest. “How was school?”

“Fine. I brought your homework back. We learned a new topic in English though, and I very much do not like it.” Irma says, her face scrunched in displeasure. I snicker into my hand and she sticks her tongue out at me. She turns back to her phone, and I reach for the remote that was sitting on the back of the couch. I flip on the TV, scrolling through the different channels until I settle on one I like.

We both sit in silence for a while, neither of us wanting or needing to start a conversation. I always liked how we could just exist in each other's space, and that was all that was needed to spend time together. Except, we were spending time together because I can’t go home at the moment, rather than us being this close from our own accord. Still though, it was nice.

“Do you want pizza tonight?” Irma asks, her fingers raking through her hair. She looks at me over the top of her phone, her eyes, dancing between the screen and my face. I think her offer over for a minute before shrugging. I sure didn’t want to cook, and I doubted Irma did either.

“Pizza sounds great, thanks.”

Irma nods and messes with her phone for a bit, presumably putting in the pizza order. I turn back to the TV, mindlessly watching the show. I fiddle with my thumbs, sighing. Today was certainly an odd one. I couldn’t help but feel I was forgetting something.

“Hey, how come you never answered my texts.” Irma says, her eyes narrowed at her phone.

Oh, that was what I was forgetting. My phone. I rub the back of my neck, unsure how to phrase all that went down. If I told Irma about the mutant turtles, she wouldn’t believe me. I didn’t want her to think I was any crazier than she already did. It would probably be better to be as vague as possible, or even to lie if I can. “I broke my phone.”

Irma looks at me blankly. “What?”

“I got upset and threw it at the wall, and it uh, it kind of shattered?” I explain, clasping my hands as my leg starts to bounce. Irma groans, leaning back against the armrest.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“Okay then,” Irma takes a deep breath, tapping the top of her phone against her chin. “We can drop it off at a repair shop tomorrow while we’re at school. If they can’t fix it, you’ll just have to get a new one I guess.”

I hesitate for a moment. “Actually, I already have someone who’s working on fixing it…”

Irma blinks at me, confused. She chews on her cheek, thinking my words over. “Did you stop by a shop or something today?”

I shake my head, suddenly feeling very stupid for my decisions. “Uh, no. I actually uh, I… Do you remember that guy I told you about? The one I met in the junkyard?”

Irma narrows her eyes at me, clearly not liking where this was going. “Go on.”

“I met him again, and he kind of offered to fix it?” I say, wincing. Irma looks as if she’s going to breathe fire.

“I’m sorry, you just gave your phone to someone who you met at some random junkyard?” She groans, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. “Do you realize how stupid that sounds?”

While I completely agree with her, I feel the urge to defend myself. Will my argument win? No. Will I gain back some of my pride? No idea, but too late to back down. “He understands tech, and he offered to do it for free. It doesn’t hurt.”

“It does hurt! What if he fixes it, then just mines all your data? Or sells it on the internet of something? Do you even know when you’re getting it back?” I cringe as Irma continues to scold me, her face worried as she starts to pace. I sit on the couch in silence, making sure not to speak. I give up on trying to defend myself. Hindsight was twenty/twenty, and I was an idiot. I fiddle with my thumbs, unsure how to explain. She was right, of course, but it’s not like it would’ve made a difference. They offered to fix it, so I’m letting them fix it.

“I know who I gave it to, it’s not like I handed it off to someone on the street.” I protest weakly, sitting up a bit. Irma narrows her eyes at me, frowning. I shrink back into the couch.

“(Y/n), you’ve met the guy twice. And there was an almost four month gap in between each meeting.” I rub my arm, knowing she’s right. I got too caught up in the moment and didn’t think about it enough. Giving them my phone, broken or not, was probably a bad idea. Most likely, I’d never see it again.

I scooch over as Irma plops next to me on the couch, her arms crossed. She grumbles a bit before glancing at me. “Let’s give it a week. If they don’t come back with your phone, we’ll cut our losses and just get you a new one.”

“Okay.”

Irma's face morphs into one of concern, her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry for yelling at you, I was just worried. If you don’t have a phone and something goes wrong, you can’t call me for help. Just, next time, don’t give your phone to the first random guy who asks.”

I snort slightly, nodding. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

Irma holds her pinky out for me to take, a wide grin on her face. “You gotta promise, (Y/n). We got too much weirdness going on for you to go handing out possibly privacy shattering stuff. You have everything on your phone, let’s hope this guy isn’t some weirdo.”

I sigh, hooking my pinky with hers. “I promise. But I swear, this guy isn’t bad. He's really cool, and his brothers are super sweet.”

“His brothers?” Irma questions, raising an eyebrow. I smile shakily, my hands moving back and forth next to my head in a ‘jazz hands’ motion.

“Surprise? I met his brothers. They were all super sweet.”

Irma looks unimpressed. I sigh, pouting. “He had three brothers, and they were all around when I saw him again.”

“Where exactly did you guys meet?” Irma asks, looking more confused than ever. My eyes dart to the fire escape.

“I went on a walk.”

Irma sucks in a deep breath, trying to process everything. I felt bad, knowing this was probably just adding to her stress. I’d tell her the truth eventually, just, after this whole possible stalker thing was over. One thing to deal with at a time. I didn’t want to lie to her, but I didn’t want to push all this new stuff on her just yet. Hopefully she will understand.

“Okay, well, nothing we can do about it now I guess.” Irma’s voice knocks me out of my thoughts. Her arms were crossed and she was looking at the door, contemplating something. Never before have I wanted to reach into her mind and see what she was thinking more than now. I know I made her upset, but I truly wasn’t thinking. I just took the opportunity I was handed. It was fine though. I trusted Donnie. Plus, there really isn't anything we can do except wait.

Irma sits back down grabbing her phone. She curls into the armrest like before, but this was different. I feel my heart sink. Irma was upset, and now she was ignoring me. I turn back to the TV, unable to pay much attention to the screen. I would leave her be for a bit. I could only hope this would all blow over soon. Irma would see it was fine, and we would go back to normal. Irma would see that she was overreacting, and I would apologize again for being careless.

I pull my knees to my chest, too clouded with thought to do anything. This would all blow over and be fine. It had to.

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mariaofdoranelle · 11 months

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Look at Us Now - ch. 12

I’m dedicating this chapter to @taylorswift because today is Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) day. In the album’s honor, Rowan’s getting Aelin with those green eyes baby as the lights go down and giving something that’ll haunt her when he’s not around lmao

Warnings: language, NSFW

Words: 4,2K

Aelin was very close to murdering the next person who dared say she was glowing.

She didn’t feel like glowing when she was suspended from the OR until she got back from maternity leave—and no, Rowan had no idea the reason that happened was because she almost passed out mid-surgery.

She didn’t feel like glowing now that she had fatigue and back pain most of the time.

She didn’t feel like glowing now that she had a monthiversary to attend and a belly too big to wear something cute. Aelin frowned at the maternity towel she was wearing. Even those had to be in a whole new size for her.

Groaning, she sat on the bed. She’d meet the Whitethorns once again at the monthly birthday party Sellene threw to her daughter, and the only thing Aelin wanted was to look nice. It was so easy a few months ago, but a nightmare now that none of her cute clothes would fit, and even her Crocs felt like rubber socks because of her swollen feet. Crocs. Her discomfort while pregnant was so big she surrendered to the ugliest shoes imaginable.

Aelin’s preferred thing to wear at home was the biggest dress she could find. Period. Pants became a nuisance when she was peeing more often than not. At least she was in her own house now—the fourth one Aelin lived in since finding out about the pregnancy—and could be grouchy all she wanted.

She stared at her open closet, but wasn’t really looking at it. Just letting the hollowness in her chest take over.

Three knocks on her bedroom door. “Are you ready?”

Aelin groaned. “I don’t wanna go.”

“Oh, thank God.” Rowan’s shoulders dropped, and he immediately texted his cousin while rambled, “I get celebrating milestones, but who in their right mind would invite every Whitethorn in this city to their house every month? Who’s benefiting from those parties?“

Aelin snorted. “Not you.”

“Definitely not me.” He pocketed his phone and sat on the bed by her side. “Alright, now why don’t you want to go?”

She crossed her arms over her belly. “My nice clothes are too small.”

“What?” Rowan asked as if that observation was absurd. “What about the White Hawks jersey you stole from me? I bet that’s the nicest thing you own, pregnancy-sized or not.”

”Not funny.” She only borrowed that out of necessity. Aelin gave him a long look, then looked down at her bump. “I look like I have a watermelon strapped to myself.”

“What about it?”

Her eyes widened. “Are you being serious right now?”

She wasn’t upset just because of the belly. It just added up to the stretch marks, the limited options of clothes, the constant pain, the insomnia—

“What? I—“ Rowan leaned closer to her, looking lost. “What do you want me to say, Aelin? Of course you’re bigger. You’re carrying my baby. That doesn’t make you any less beautiful than you were before.” He caressed her shoulder, eyes roaming through her body as they got a little darker. “In fact…”

“What?” She asked, quickly enthralled by his eyes and hand on her.

Rowan leaned his forehead against her with his eyes closed and whispered, “Do you need me to show you how attractive you still are?”

Aelin licked her lips, trying to think of something to say as the pleasant tingling in her body took over and clouded her thoughts.

He cupped her cheek. “Say yes.”

“Please.”

He took her mouth, kissing her in a gentle and urgent manner at the same time. With her arms wrapped around him, Aelin opened up for him and swirled her tongue around his, making him groan.

She tugged at his clothes. Rowan broke the kiss and complied, but not without taking her towel off as well. He took her in, languid eyes assessing her body and making her shiver with his hungry gaze.

Rowan laid next to her and leaned in for another long kiss, and Aelin’s heart was as strong as her knees got weak. He trailed gentle kisses down her breasts, the dark line on her stomach, the stretch marks on her hips.

“You’re perfect,” he murmured against her bump, caressing it with his eyes closed.

Aelin’s heart skipped a beat. There were three words she felt a lot like screaming, but her tongue seemed tangled in knots when she opened her mouth.

The hand on her bump slid to her folds, making her breath hitch. Rowan kissed his way down until his mouth reached her clit, and—

She groaned. Not a good groan.

His head popped over her belly. “What?”

“I can’t see you down there.”

“Oh.” He frowned. “And you don’t like it.”

”Well, I do like it.” Aelin sat on the bed and tried to look as reassuring as she could. “But I want you, not some ghost pussy-eater—“

“A what?” He asked with widened eyes, his face somewhere between confusion and amusement.

Aelin’s mouth opened and closed as she thought about what came out of her mouth a second ago. “Shut up.”

Rowan chuckled and laid down beside her on the bed, spooning her close as his hand sneaked down her front. “Is this better?”

“Perfect.” Aelin’s breath hitched when he touched her again, her body filled with warmth. “You can also fuck me like this, you know?”

“What if…” he trailed, putting the engines inside his brain to work. “I didn’t?”

Aelin’s face faltered. “What.”

He looked pained beside her. “I don’t want to hurt the baby.”

“Ro…” Aelin turned around to face him and clamped her lips together, trying to take him seriously. “After all the pregnancy books you read, I can’t believe you’re worried about this.”

“I know how you like things. It’s not cervix-friendly.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “And I don’t want the baby to be born with a sunken forehead.”

She couldn’t do it anymore. Aelin took off the invisible seal on her mouth and let out a loud cackle, laughing into his shoulder. From the way it was shaking too, he didn’t seem too upset.

Looking up, she stroked his cheek with her thumb. “Do you know what you’re being right now?”

The smile he wore lit her up from inside out. “A big Buzzard?”

“The biggest of all Buzzards,” she muttered into his lips.

Rowan didn’t reply, he just held her face and kissed her again. It started sweet, with his lips brushing against hers while he caressed her everywhere he could, but he couldn’t control the level of heat after her tongue was in. Aelin brushed her hands over his abs while giving long, fervent kisses.

She whimpered when he got to her neck. “I miss your weight on me.”

Rowan moved them so he was spooning her now. Her belly was too big for him to be comfortably over her, so this was their best option now.

“Is this okay?” He asked against the shell of her ear, making her shiver.

“Perfect,” she breathed when his hand met her folds, stroking before he pressed against her clit. She moaned, intoxicated by his heat spreading under her skin.

Rowan plunged one finger in and then another, making her grind against his fingers. His voice sounded nearly broken when he said, “You’re so wet, I could—“

“Do it.”

He adjusted Aelin’s legs in one swift motion and thrust inside her in another, making her a whimpering mess while he worked her open from behind. Rowan trailed kisses on the side of her neck and teased her breast as he set a rhythm. Aelin was squirming, feeling like she was bursting and drowning with pleasure at the same time.

Rowan fucked her in a languid pace, purring sweet nothings about how pretty she looked and how well she was taking his cock. Aelin's nerves were on fire, and she completely lost sense of composure when his hand went back to her clit.

He wasn’t slapping her ass while sinking so deep she struggled to stay upright, but Aelin liked soft Rowan. She liked this very much.

Her walls clenched around his cock, making his thrusts get erratic and harder than he was previously doing, and that’s what made her go over the edge. Aelin cried out his name, pulsing while shockwaves gripped her body. The noises he was making became strangled, before Rowan thrust one last time and came undone behind her.

He trailed a few kisses from her neck to her shoulder and sank into the mattress, still hugging her close. However, Aelin took two deep breaths and got up as fast as she could.

“Where are you going?” He asked, frowning.

“Squashed bladder!” She called over her shoulder while waddling her way to her suite’s bathroom.

Aelin sat on the toilet, feeling the relief that was just partially because of her bladder getting empty. She closed her eyes. Her heart was leaping, somersaulting inside her fluttering chest. This was good, one step closer to where she wanted to get. Things got too domestic, too cozy for it to be with her platonic co-parent she had non-platonic feelings for. She couldn’t take the friendship arrangement much longer.

Aelin‘s heart stopped when she saw blood on her toitet paper, but relaxed again when she noticed it was very faint and browinsh. Just a little spotting. She’d keep an eye on it, but it was a common thing during pregnancy. Especially after having sex. She smiled at the thought, still a little giddy.

Back on the bed, she didn’t bother getting dressed again before sinking into Rowan’s embrace.

“Everything okay?” He asked while stroking her hair.

She snuggled into him. “Sure thing.”

“I didn’t hurt you? The baby feels alright? Because I read pregnancy sex can hurt—“

“I’m great, Buzzard.” Aelin snorted. “Just a little spotting, but it’s fine.”

Rowan jumped into a sitting position. “You’re bleeding?”

“What? No!”

“I know what spotting is. It’s blood.”

“Rowan, calm down.” She tugged on his arm until he was laid down with her again, but it did nothing to loosen those tight shoulders of his. “It’s a normal thing, but I’ll keep an eye on it, okay? If it continues or if anything else happens, I’ll let you know.”

His eyes looked anguished when he asked, “You promise?”

She gave him a reassuring smile. “Of course.”

“Because you don’t tell me things sometimes. I hate it.”

“Buzzard,” she teased.

They stayed there for a moment, studying each other. She rubbed his frown with her thumb, making him give her a faint smile.

“Aelin, I—“ he sighed into her hair. “I don’t think we should do this anymore.”

She blinked, slowly processing how her heart sank with his words. Did ‘anymore’ mean ‘while you’re pregnant’ or ‘ever again’?

“Is it because of the spotting?”

He hugged her tighter. “I don’t wanna take risks with the baby.”

“Of course,” was her only reply. She was a little numb, and didn’t know what to think.

If Rowan meant they shouldn’t take risks by starting a relationship and reinforced the reason they decided to stay friends, she was screwed.

If Rowan meant they wouldn’t be having sex while she was pregnant, Aelin would need to wait at least a month after birth to seduce him into being with her.

At least the orgasm made her drowsy enough to sleep.

˜˜

Aelin Galathynius was a woman of many vices.

Her biggest one? Chocolate.

Today, it started when she craved a little dessert after lunch, just to find out her fridge was empty of sweets. And her stash of chocolate. Also the secret stash in her closet as well. If the drawer Maisie hid the sweets she stole was empty too, Aelin would be lost.

Her chest got a little tighter when she reached Maisie’s room. The little girl was staying at her dad’s this weekend, and Aelin missed her sweet tooth buddy and occasional chocolate thief.

When Rowan texted last Friday night to let her know there was some unexplained chocolate in Maisie’s backpack, Aelin didn’t think her daughter would take all the sweets and leave her high and dry. But from the lack of illicit food in Maisie’s usual hiding places, it sounded like Aelin didn’t know her daughter at all.

That’s okay, she could be mature about this. She could get her car keys and go to the convenience store for more variety, or walk one block to the playground and hope she’d find something nice at the vending machine. But what she could no longer do is deny herself a woman’s greatest desire.

After putting sunscreen and her sandals on, Aelin faced the short walk to the park. That unforgiving sun burned her shoulders the entire time, and it was a relief when she noticed the trees were shading some of the benches.

There was a shift in Aelin’s mood the moment she got to the vending machine. Reese’s! The selection was good today—

Aelin jerked when she felt something poking her leg, but relaxed again when she saw it was just Maisie. Frowning.

“Hey, Mais. I didn’t see you there.”

Aelin didn’t get her usual warm greeting, though. The little girl had her Whitethorn frown on. “You didn’t say ‘hi’ when you got here.”

“Honey, I didn’t know you were here. I’m so sorry.”

Aelin’s heart twisted with guilt, but she peppered Maisie’s face with kisses until that little pout gave space to a giggle.

“I’m playing basketball with Daddy and the other big people.”

They weren’t in the playground, then. That explained why Aelin didn’t see her. She crouched down and playfully squinted her eyes at her little girl. “Well, I am here because my chocolate went missing.”

“Intwesting.” Maisie narrowed her eyes at her mother. “Because you told me there was none.”

Aelin narrowed her eyes back. It was a battle of wills now, and neither of them would give in. Forcing Maisie to admit she took Aelin’s chocolate from the secret stash would mean admitting there was a secret stash to begin with. Not an option right now.

Aelin’s shoulders dropped in resignation. She refused to fight with her five-year-old daughter over chocolate. “Anyway, I’m buying more. Want some?”

The little girl’s eyes lit up like a Yulemas tree. “Yes!”

She chuckled and let Mais pick some. Aelin hid some of her sweets just to control the kid’s sugar intake and Rowan’s complaints about it, but it’d be cruel to buy some for herself in front of her daughter and not share.

It was nice, having some mother-daughter bonding time over chocolate and gummy bears. The shaded bench they found almost made Aelin forget how hot today was.

“I’m gonna miss this candy so much.” Maisie had her eyes blissfully closed and let out a sigh of delight. “We need to go back to the candy machine.”

Yep, this kid was Aelin’s. No mistakes there.

She playfully pinched Maisie’s side, making her squeal. “What would your father think of that?”

“Nothing, because he’s not here.”

“That’s…“ genius. So accurate. Aelin’s mouth hung open for a beat. Who raised this smarty-pants? She shook the idea off her head. “nope. We can’t do that. Let’s go find your dad.”

Maisie took the remaining chocolate, but then extended her hand back to Aelin. “Do your girl pants have pockets today?”

She gave a saucy wink, making the little girl giggle. “Sure thing, hun.”

They found Rowan at the small field, playing basketball with Lorcan and a few other neighbors they weren’t exactly friends with, but were often around here on weekends too.

Rowan was playing shirtless. His ripped back flexed as he picked up Charlie so the boy could reach the hoop and score a point. Something about him shirtless and teaching little kids how to play basketball gave her a flutter in the chest, and a wildfire in lower places than she was willing to admit.

His sweaty, bronze skin was gleaming under the Doranellian sun, and the way it highlighted his six pack and pecs was absolutely maddening. Aelin’s heartbeat stopped and came back at full speed. Rowan was running, working those burly thighs and showing some side muscles she learned about in med school, but could swear were myths. Looking at him like that, Aelin felt on fire, off-balance, out of breath.

˜˜

“And what did you do?” Yrene asked.

“I didn’t stay to play, if that’s what you’re asking. You know damn well I wouldn’t be looking at the ball.”

Her therapist tried and failed to hide a chuckle. “I just don’t understand why you’re upset over this.”

“Yrene, that game was obscene. You should’ve seen the other moms ogling him.”

“Taking his shirt off was understandable, given the weather.”

Aelin decided to mimic him with one hand. “Oh, it’s me, Rowan! Look at my shiny abs as I play basketball with little kids!” She looked at his hand as if it offended her, but continued. “I just love to tease everyone in this family-oriented park!”

Yrene leaned back on her chair, head tilted. “Is that how you see his point of view?”

“Alright.” Aelin crossed her arms, looking away. “Maybe I felt personally attacked by Rowan’s abs.”

“And why’s that?”

“Do you really want me to get graphic here? Voice every thought I had?”

She snorted. “That’s up to you. I’m literally your therapist.”

Aelin squinted her eyes at her therapist. “This is all your fault.”

Knowing all of Aelin’s mechanisms or whatever shrinks call it, Yrene leaned closer to Aelin, eyes glinting with hidden amusement and hands under her chin. “How so?”

“I’ve got my therapy, family therapy, all this quality time, now Dr. Blackbeak’s finally lowering my dose of the antidepressants. Things are so much better and…” Aelin looked away and swallowed. Things were better, and the only thing getting worse was the huge lump in the throat she got as a side effect. “all of this got me thinking about how things would’ve looked like if I hadn’t left.”

”You always tell me you two were never in a relationship.”

That fact was just another reason she felt like her heart was being squeezed lately. “It’s complicated.”

”No matter what label you used, you need to remind yourself that—“

“I did my best in the situation I was given, I know,” Aelin repeated that motto in a tight tone and ran a hand through her hair. “I knew there was no coming back when I did that.”

Yrene tilted her head. ”Are you speaking for yourself? Because you can’t decide that on Rowan’s behalf.”

Aelin squinted her eyes at her therapist. “You’re onto something.”

“I’m not onto anything.” She chuckled. A schemer’s chuckle. Or just a chuckle from someone who Aelin mindlessly blamed when she was called out. Yrene continued, “You told me an obstacle, and I’m questioning if it’s real.” She checked the time on her computer screen. “And our time’s up. Same time next week?”

Aelin said her goodbyes and got up. The session’s time was up, but she knew that whatever she chose to do about these old feelings, she first had to figure out how he felt about it all.

She just needed to start with the harder part. Wonderful.

Rowan, who decided to be her therapy escort when he found out her sessions happened on his free afternoons, was sat in the waiting room, reading a book and wearing… glasses?

“What are those?” Aelin blurted.

She had asked him to go to the eye doctor a couple of months ago, but assumed he had forgotten about his promise.

Rowan jerked on the chair. “What?”

“On your face.”

“Glasses?” He took them off and studied the thing too. “I got them a while ago. Turns out they’re great for reading.”

“Huh,” was all Aelin could muster. She blinked and thanked Mala when he closed the book and didn’t put them back. Yrene had another patient now, Aelin couldn’t go back and open another Pandora box about how good he looked with rounded glasses.

“Hey.” Rowan got up and took her wrist, stroking it in circling motions with his thumb. “Did it go well?”

“Perfect.”

Aelin smiled as if she hadn’t paid good money to vent about how slutty he looked last weekend.

˜˜

It was near impossible to shut her mind off during the short drive to Maisie’s school. The hardest part is that they were going to the theater with Sellene’s daughter after. It was a play meant for children, but Aelin really wanted to be able to pay attention to The Little Mermaid tonight. A classic is a classic.

Aelin got out of the car in the packed parking lot, feeling the wind tug at her clothes. It’d take them longer than usual to leave today, considering they were taking Breanna without Sellene there. She could always trust Rowan to pick the school with the toughest security measures.

They walked side by side, children and their parents‘ chattering as their background noise. Rowan looked good with loosened shoulders and no frown in sight. He wasn’t wearing a smile—a view reserved almost exclusively for his family—but she knew his lips would tug up the second he saw Maisie.

It’d be so weird to show up six years after they last hooked up asking how he felt about her. Especially when they’d still talk to each other the other day. She needed to listen to the signs before acting, but it was so hard sometimes.

Rowan was a practical person. He could’ve decided to accompany her to therapy because it was close to Maisie’s school and they’d both need to go there after. His decision could be motivated by an undying love for the mother of his child, or something as romantic as reducing carbon monoxide emissions. And Rowan did care about carbon monoxide. He said so the night they met.

Even if he really cared about her, she was the other half of his little broken family. Wishing her well was no indication of romantic feelings.

Aelin shoved her thoughts aside when she saw Maisie and Bree coming her way, and crouched for the crushing hug that was coming. Those small bodies combined almost knocked her down on the floor, but Aelin wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Mommy!” Maisie yelled, “Did you know Bree’s never been to the Peter?”

“The theater, Mais,” Rowan corrected around a chuckle.

Aelin caressed the girl’s pale blonde hair. “Is that right, Bree?”

She gave a shy nod, making her smile. Holy rutting Mala, those strong Whitethorn genes. When they were side-by-side and wearing the same uniform like this, Sellene’s daughter looked like Maisie’s shy twin.

“You’re gonna love the Peter, Bree!” Her daughter yelled and flailed her arms around, filled with excitement. “The screen has a huge hole where the people go.”

“Calm down, you two.” Rowan playfully tugged at Maisie’s pigtails. “The play is just next week.”

“No, it’s not.” Aelin turned to Rowan and tilted her head. “I checked the tickets this morning. It’s definitely today.”

“Aelin, she can’t go.” He lowered his voice. “Her flu shot, remember?”

“Are you talking about the flu shot she got last week?”

“This one exactly.” He crossed his arms, giving her a hard look. “It has a two-week immunity window—“

Aelin mirrored his expression, feeling her muscles tighten. “I’m a doctor, I’m aware—“

“And I’m not putting Maisie in a theater with hundreds of kids without being sure that—“

“I want to see Ariel!” The little girl’s wail interrupted them. Her face was reddened already and filled with tears, and Breanna was on her side, whispering anything a five-year-old deemed soothing.

“We are.” She gave Rowan a hard look and crouched next to Maisie, caressing the little girl’s head. ”That’s just your father being your father. He’s been careful like that with you since you were inside my belly, did you know that?”

Maisie shook her head and sniffed. Well, that was on Aelin. She didn’t talk much about the time she was pregnant, but she’d do anything to make her little girl smile.

“Do you know what I’d call him back then?” A pause to spark Maisie’s interest. “A Buzzard.”

“Like the bird?”

“You’re right.“ With her index finger, Aelin mimicked the animal with sweeping movements around Maisie’s head. “That bird that keeps flying close by, watching you all the time.”

Aelin watched her daughter expectantly, waiting until her brain made the right connections. Maisie perked up a beat later, her pine-green eyes slowly widening.

“That’s Daddy!” She turned to her father, pointed a finger at him and shouted, “Buzzard!”

Aelin was chuckling at Maisie’s newfound source of excitement, trying to bury the weight in her chest, when she saw Rowan’s face. He didn’t say a word, just let Maisie repeat the nickname over and over around him as he vacantly stared at Aelin. Her face faltered. He swallowed, and his gaze on her was so intense she looked away.

That was so tone-deaf of her, and Rowan clearly didn’t like it. Just because Aelin was reminiscing these days, didn’t mean he wanted that too.

“Come on, Bree.” Aelin tugged on the girl’s hand. “Let’s see how long it takes before your teacher lets you leave without your mom here.”

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yoongisugaagust · 2 years

Text

HOME: The Aquarium

•Summary: Min Yoongi meets his forever.

“Hey,” Jin greeted you from his place at the dining room table. Taehyung and Jungkook muttered a greeting while playing some video game on the big sofa. You took a seat next to him picking off chip from the bag in front of him. “I’d love to hang out with you but I have to leave soon. I have some recording to do.”

“I’m here for Yoongi. We’re supposed to go the aquarium since I still haven’t been there.” Almost on cue, Yoongi ran out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his waist heading straight for his room. “Shit!” You all heard him cuss from inside the room. He swung the door open revealing a bare chest. He struggled getting his belt buckle situated. “Namjoon needs me in the studio asap. I can’t go today jagi I’m sorry.” The smile on your face dropped at hearing the cancellation leading your boyfriend to walk over to you. “I promise I’ll make it up to you. I’ll work something out with Joon to get a day off sometime this week.” He cradled your face in his hand waiting to get some semblance of a smile out of you.

“We can go,” Taehyung announced without looking up from the game.

“We,” Jungkook paused to glare at him. “I’m supposed to be taking Joy out today. Finally.”

“Bring her along, idiot. How did she agree to date you anyway? I thought she wanted to keep everything professional.”

“I ran into her the other day and convinced her to just hang out.” Jungkook shrugged beginning to text one of the makeup artists from their team.

“Yah! Both of you! You two need to leave anyway,” Jin interjected. “You come here all the time to eat our food and play my games.”

Yoongi pulled you into his room while the three bickered. “I’m so sorry jagi I know you were looking forward to today. You can go with them, it’s your choice.”

“I know,” you sighed.

He wrapped his arms around your waist bringing you in for a kiss on your forehead. “You can be upset with me, it’s fine. Perfectly reasonable. I’ll make it up to you tonight with dinner and even if you decide to still go to the aquarium with the kids I promise we’ll go there together soon.”

“Mmm will you make me your stir fry? And watch movies all night? And stay over?”

“I’ll make you whatever you want but no more Twilight marathons. Please.”

“We’re watching Twilight tonight,” you smiled.

“You know what? Fine but I can’t guarantee you’ll be able to focus on the movies when I’m giving you the best head of your life.” Yoongi gave you a smirk when you smacked his now clothed chest and then ushered you back out to the living room.

“Taehyungie here,” your boyfriend held out a wad of cash. “For gas, parking, lunch. Take care of her and make sure she has a good time.” He turned back towards you. “Buy whatever you want at the gift shop.” He held out more money for you.

“Sugar daddy Yoongi where’s mine?” Jungkook joked around.

“I’m paying for your admission and lunch. That’s all the Jungkook charity work Im doing today.”

————

“Noona!” Jungkook called for you from halfway across the room. “Let’s take a selfie!” You walked over to him and Taehyung in front of the exhibit displaying the sting rays.

“Did Joy ever reply to you Kook?” You asked.

“She had something to do but she said she’d be free tonight.”

“Or she had someone else to do,” Tae interjected.

“What is your relationship with her?” You looked over to Jungkook who was lost in thought. “Are you two just friends or like friends with benefits?”

“It’s..complicated?” You stopped to watch the sea otters play with their tools. “We’re friendly but officially we’re only colleagues. She does Jin hyung’s makeup so we really can’t be another more than just two people working for the same company.”

“But they have hooked up.” Tae piped up. You gasped at Jungkook.

“It was just once!” He laughed. “She transferred here from somewhere in Tokyo and we met at a club and we continued the party at her place. The following week we were introduced to her as the new girl joining the crew. I’ve been trying to get to know her more and take her out but,” Jungkook shook his head. “She wants to keep our relationship as professional as we can. Sometimes she gets a little weak for me and she slips up. I almost got her to go out for dinner with me.”

You came across the exhibit displaying smaller creatures- starfish, sea urchins and sea anemones. An attendant recited instructions with how to carefully touch the animals. This area seemed to be Jungkook’s favorite.

“Tae you don’t seem to like her too much,” you laughed.

“Just making sure she doesn’t hurt our Jungkookie. Seems like she’s just stringing him along. Probably using him as an ego boost.”

————

“What the hell is this thing?” Yoongi asked holding up the axolotl plushie Tae picked out for you.

“It’s cute!” You defended as he tossed it onto the couch. He wrapped his long arms around you allowing his hands to rest on your lower back. “Did you have fun? Even though I wasn’t there.”

“Mhm,” you pursed your lips so he would kiss you. “I had a really good time. And thank you for dinner. It was even more delicious than last time.” Yoongi kissed you one more time before releasing his hold on you to get into your bed.

Instinctively you laid your head on his chest while his hand caressed your back up and down. Yoongi learned soon enough this would help you fall asleep with much ease and he loved how close your bodies were. The warmth your bodies created made sleep more attainable to Yoongi which became a comfort to him in so many ways. He loved how completely vulnerable he could be whenever he was with you, a quality he hasn’t achieved with a significant other. He kissed your hair and whispered “I love you” assuming you’d already fallen asleep.

But you did hear the profession. You heard every word, every syllable. You’ve felt it before. You’ve felt it in all his actions. You felt it any time he made you breakfast without you having to ask because he knew you were running low on time. You felt it when he would purposely keep some of your clothes or objects at his apartment for nights when you would sleep over. You felt it whenever he extended his care for you to your best friend even though they bickered back and forth. You felt it when he would pick up on all your little habits and kept that knowledge stored when you were feeling low some days. You even felt it when he would go above and beyond to make sure you were taken care of on the days he wasn’t able to be with you.

Yoongi has never had to say the words to you but you’ve been feeling them every day with him. You anticipate the moment when he finally does say those words with the intent of sharing them with you.

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nicoline1998enilocin · 1 year

Text

Yours, Forever | Chapter 7

PAIRING | Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 3.1K

SUMMARY | After three months in Italy, Y/N was finally back home in New York, but things don't go according to plan. When Bucky comes back from a particularly bad mission, he is avoiding anything and everyone, until he gets pushed to his breaking point and Y/N has to pay the price for his mistake.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Swearing, violence (choking), mental health struggles.

A/N | Hi everyone, thank you so much for reading my first ever fic! I would like to start off by saying that English isn’t my first language (I’m Dutch after all 😉) so every mistake you find – spelling or otherwise – is completely my own. I would appreciate you spreading the love about this fic, and I ofcourse hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist | Series masterlist | Chapter 6 | Chapter 8

The last day of the Italy trip had arrived, and both Y/N and Eve were sad to see their 3 month vacation come to an end, seeing how much fun they had. Once they are at the airport, they have to say goodbye again and it is just as painful as the first time when Y/N left to move to New York. After they said their goodbyes they each went to their respective gates, and waited for their planes to leave. Eve had a short flight ahead, but Y/N knew she was in for a long one and couldn't wait to see Bucky again, to cuddle him for as long as they possibly could, to kiss his perfect lips again until they can't think straight anymore. The flight goes without problems and little turbulence, and she even manages to finish 2 books she had downloaded onto her Kindle, so she made a mental note to update her reading goal of this year.

She got off the plane and texted her dad she arrived safe and would come see him later when she had the chance, she had a lot to catch up on with him, and ofcourse a lot of photos to to show him as well. Once she found her suitcases she moved into the arrival hall with a huge smile on her face, in the hopes to see her boyfriend again, but it dropped as soon as she saw Steve, not Bucky. ''Well, I'm happy to see you too!'' Steve said joking as he came up to her with his arms spread so he could take her in his arms and give him one of the bear hugs she loved so much. ''Sorry, I was expecting Bucky, he said he would be here, that's all. But I'm happy to see you too, you know that right?!'' she said, and looked behind Steve expectingly, to see who we was talking to earlier.

''Didn't know you needed a babysitter to get out of the compound, Rogers!'' Y/N joked when she looked at the man behind him, walking up to him with her hand stretched out. ''Hi, I'm Y/N, I'll be Steve's colleague soon when I start working for S.I. and Tony.'' she introduced herself. ''Uh, hi! I'm Lucas, Steve is my-'' ''Friend! He's just my friend.'' Steve quickly said, he didn't want anyone to know he has a boyfriend yet, since they only started dating a few weeks ago. And after all, he only came with him because he had no other choice, since Bucky mentioned last minute he was supposed to pick her up at the airport and they were in the middle of a date. ''Well, it's nice to meet you, Lucas!'' but Y/N already put 2 and 2 together that they were together. The crimson color on Steve's cheeks didn't make it hard to guess.

''Steve, why is Bucky not here? He specifically told me he would be the one picking me up today...'' she asked, not really sure if she wanted to know the answer. ''The team got called out on a last minute mission for a few days, so he asked my to pick you up since I'm still not cleared for field work yet.'' he explained. Both Lucas and Steve took one of Y/N's suitcases after some protest, but they insisted so she just went with it. Once they were almost at the car, Y/N said ''it's okay if you sit in the front Lucas, my legs aren't as long as yours anyway so you could use the leg room.'' with a knowing wink to Steve, and he felt a little relieved when he saw that. They got in the front and he immediately put his hand on Lucas' thigh as he drove them home, and Y/N couldn't be happier for him, he deserves it. The ride was silent, but she didn't mind after such a long flight, she couldn't wait to see her bed again.

Steve drove them to the Avengers Compound like Tony had asked, so she could sleep at his place and be there with Pepper, that way she didn't have to be alone on the first few nights back. ''Hey Pepper, how is my favorite momma to be doing today?'' she said and smiled at her when she saw her round belly again. ''Actually, you're just on time, she just kicked again for the first time in a few days, and you'll be the first to feel it, even before Tony!'' she beamed at her, and put Y/N's hand on the place where she could feel the baby kick. It was such an amazing feeling, and Y/N honestly couldn't wait to experience a life growing inside of herself one day. It would never cease to amaze her what the human body was capable of.

''My god, this feels amazing. Does Tony know she kicked at all, or are you going to wait to tell him?'' ''He does know she kicked already, and told me specifically not to let anyone feel the kicks before he got the chance, but I just can't say no to you!'' Pepper laughed, making the baby kick again. The two ladies get comfortable on the couch, Pepper with a glass of water and Y/N with a glass of white wine, she felt like she deserved one after the trip she just had. ''I have to tell you something, but you can't tell anyone! Steve just picked me up from the airport and apparently he has a boyfriend! He came along, but the weird thing is that when he wanted to introduce himself as Steve's boyfriend, Steve quickly said he's his friend...'' It's a good thing she knows him by now and she knows Pepper won't tell anyone, but Y/N really had to tell someone.

A few days later, the entire team comes back from their mission, and Steve and Y/N decided to wait for them in the hangar where the Quinjet would land, so they could both welcome them home. They landed it safely and as soon as the ramp opened, everyone came running towards Y/N for the hugs they so desperately needed and she was so willing to give to them now. Everyone, except the person she wanted to see the most, Bucky. He didn't even look at them but instead just walked straight into the Compound without saying a word. ''Sam? What's going on with Bucky?'' she asked carefully, but she felt a stinging sensation in her chest because he didn't even care enough to look at her. ''I don't know, he was the same as always when you're not there. He was still this staring machine we all know and love.'' he said, but his brows were furrowed in worry now. This wasn't like Bucky, and all of them were wondering what was going on.

The next week doesn't change anything, Bucky just keeps himself locked in his room, this mission hit him harder than he thought it would, he should've just listened to Tony and stayed home. He knew this was gonna be a hard mission with his past with HYDRA, but he didn't want to admit it. And now he is locked in his own room, not willing to come out for anything or anyone, just alone with his own thoughts and nightmares. With the flashbacks that have taken him over completely. He doesn't notice when he gets texts or calls, he doesn't answer the door when someone is there. Not when Steve knocked, not when Y/N was there to talk to him. He didn't care about anything else, he just wanted all the thoughts and nightmares to stop. He wanted to stop crying but he couldn't, this mission had proven to be too much for Bucky.

After yet another week, Y/N comes up to his door and bangs on it, hard. She can't take it anymore and demands to be let into his room, this isn't healthy she says. ''Bucky, please. This isn't good for you, and we miss you man. Hell, I miss you the most. I just wanna see my boyfriend, I wanna be there for you. WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND I JUST WANNA HELP? Why doesn't that get through your thick skull?!'' she said, and that was a step too far for Bucky. He stormed out of his room and grabbed Y/N at her throat with his vibranium hand, squeezing harder than he intended but he just wanted her to stop talking. Steve and Tony heard something and came running into the hallway and went for Bucky and Y/N when they saw what was happening.

''BUCKY, WHAT THE FUCK! YOU'RE FUCKING HURTING HER!'' Steve yelled when he pulled Bucky off of Y/N with a firm tug, and they both fell back into his room. She collapsed onto her knees and tried to crawl away from him when Tony picked her up. ''It's okay honey, you're okay now. I won't let him hurt you, don't you worry about that.'' he said softly, reassuring her while trying to sooth her when she's crying and struggling to breathe. ''I'll take her to the medbay, please make sure he doesn't go anywhere near her Rogers!'' Tony said while rushing her off to see Bruce. When he was looking over Y/N Tony was calling Pepper and telling her what happened, saying that Y/N would be staying with them for a while longer, because he doesn't trust her anywhere around the Compound by herself right now.

As soon as Bucky pushed her against the wall, he immediately regretted his action, but his brain short circuited and he couldn't let go of Y/N. He had a release for his pent up anger, and was glad when Steve pulled him off of her, because God knows he couldn't have done it himself. He cried for hours and hours afterwards, not being able to comprehend the fact that he took his anger out on his perfect girlfriend. Although, he wasn't sure that's what he could call her now. Not after what he just did, and he couldn't wrap his head around why. He fucked up the one good thing in his life he had going for him since escaping HYDRA, since being back from Wakanda and having the Winter Soldier erased from him. But deep down he knew he would always be there, and this proved just that. He knew he didn't deserve her, but this is something he never meant to do. When he opened his bedroom door to go to the gym to get his anger out, he saw something silver shining on the floor. Y/N's necklace, he accidentally ripped it off her neck.

Bruce decided it would be the best to keep Y/N sedated for a little bit, in order for the pain medication to do it's work and for her to be able to breathe a little bit without pain. There are deep purple marks around her neck, wrapping almost all the way around, and she had a nasty head wound from where Bucky pushed her hard into the wall. ''I just don't fucking get why he would hurt her like that. She doesn't deserve this.'' Tony said to her dad, who he called too. He knew that the only other person she would want to have there, is her dad. ''Hey sunshine, it's dad. I'm not sure you can hear me, but I want you to know that I love you, so incredibly much. Tony called and I dropped everything, I literally dropped the apple pie I was making,'' he said laughing through his tears. ''You're safe now sunshine, everything is going to be okay.'' he said before he couldn't hold himself together any longer and started sobbing with his head on her hand, which he was holding with both hands.

When Y/N woke up, her dad and Tony were there, and she was happy to see the both of them, but at the same time she was in a lot of pain as well. ''Hey sunshine, it's okay. You don't have to talk, I know it hurts.'' her dad said with a soothing voice as he looked up to her. ''I have talked it over with Tony and we decided it is smart if you live with him and Pepper for a little while, so you can get back in the rhythm of work again once you're ready.'' and all she could do was give a small nod. ''I already got some of your clothes there, and some of your personal belongings like your laptop, iPad, some of your favorite books and a few photos, so you can make it a bit more like home.'' he said. Her dad gave her a kiss on her forehead and with a last 'I love you sunshine' he walked out the door and went back to the bakery, his heart feeling heavy in his chest.

It took about a week for Y/N to fully be settled into Tony and Pepper's house, which she would call home for the foreseeable future. She slowly got back into work, for now just working a few hours a day from home with Tony. The two of them took great care of her, and her dad visited most nights of the week after work. ''Hey sunshine, I'm happy to see you again!'' he said, and he was earlier than expected so he could join them for dinner. ''Hi dad.'' she said in a soft voice and a little smile. It broke his heart to see his little girl like this, but he's eternally grateful she's still alive, he even brought her favorite treat for dessert, his chocolate and caramel brownies.

After two weeks at their house, Y/N got a little restless and wanted to go back to the office again, even if it was just as an excuse to get out of the house. She didn't really want to see anybody there, the only one she could stand to see was Tony, and maybe Steve, but not the rest of them. When they get called in for an emergency meeting by Fury, they don't have a choice but to go. Tony doesn't want to leave Y/N alone, so she comes too. They walk into the conference room and to Y/N's delight, it's only Fury there. ''Hi Nick, how are you?'' she asks softly, and he can't believe what he's seeing. ''What the fuck happened here Y/N? You know I don't like my favorite person hurt like that?!'' Fury said, and Y/N couldn't help but smile when he said that. She loves the fact that a tough guy like Fury has such a soft spot for her. ''It's nothing, Nick. I'm fine now. It's just the bruising that has to go down, but it doesn't hurt anymore.''

''Fine? That doesn't look 'fine' to me. Who did this to you? Because I will personally and the motherfucker responsible for hurting you.'' Fury growled. ''Please don't, it has been handled. I promise!'' Y/N exclaimed, even though Bucky hurt her, he doesn't want any of that to happen to him. She feels like she deserved it, she had pushed him past his limit anyway. He didn't want to see her, and she shouldn't have bothered him. ''How is everything going at S.H.I.E.L.D.?'' Y/N asked, trying to change the topic, because she was not really comfortable talking about it. ''As long as everything still goes to shit I still have a job, so can't complain.'' he said, and he touched her arm with a soft, reassuring squeeze, letting her know he was on her side.

Slowly the Avengers walked into the room, and they were relieved when they saw Y/N was there, but they were worried that she wasn't her normal, cheerful self. Even though everyone knew what happened, nobody mentioned it, most of them just said hi or waved at her, until Steve came in. He walked straight up to her, asking for a hug. ''Is it okay if I hug you, Y/N? I just need to make sure you're still okay.'' and she agreed reluctantly. She wasn't in a hugging mood, but she didn't want to say no to Steve. Even though she didn't really hug him back, he still said how happy he was to see she was okay, before letting her go. Bucky walked into the room last, still looking a lot worse for wear, and Y/N immediately flinched at the look of him and went to stand behind Steve. ''It's okay, he won't hurt you again,'' Steve reassured her, keeping both his hands on her behind has back.

The moment Bucky walks into the conference room, he notices all eyes were looking to the front of the room, where he saw Y/N. They made eye contact and she flinched and quickly hid behind Steve when she saw him. He couldn't believe that he did that to her, he saw the purple handprint around her neck and his eyes were filled with regret. He sat down at the far end of the table and the briefing started, but all he noticed was Y/N, and the tears streaming down her face while Tony held her close and rubbed her back soothingly. He should be the one soothing her, not Tony. But he fucked that up when he attacked her, when he almost choked the life out of his precious doll. When the briefing was over, everyone slowly left the conference room, but Bucky stayed behind. ''Doll, can I just talk to you for a minute? I want to tell you how sorry-'' he started, but quickly got cut off by Tony.

''You don't get to call her doll anymore. You lost any and all privilege of that when you decided to hurt the one person who cared more for you than you could even imagine. When you hurt the woman who loved, hell, still loves you more than anything, but you had to go and fuck that up, didn't you? Because for some fucking reason, you can't see a good thing when it's right in front of you!'' Tony said, and Bucky got mad at him. ''You don't get to talk to me like that Stark. I would choose your next words carefully, or you'll be next.'' Bucky threatened him, and in his anger he punched the wall with his vibranium arm. This made Y/N flinch again and made her cry even harder, letting out long, hard sobs when she was held by Steve, in the safety of his arms. Bucky's gut just got filled with more and more regret when he saw that.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes

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pbandjesse · 3 months

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I hate day lights savings. I am so stupidly tired. Like I want to cry and put my head down. Ugh. I didn't even sleep terribly but I did not sleep enough. I couldn't fall asleep for a long time. And then we lost a whole hour! Horrible.

When I did wake up for real the sun was so bright and I was furious about it. Like just miserable and was not having a good time!!!

I got up and tried to shake off how upset I was but man. I was going through it.

I thought I would enjoy going to goodwill before I had to go to camp. But I couldn't figure out which goodwill I wanted and had to ask James for help. But like I was just not having fun.

I got dressed. I could not find the green puhtok shirt I wanted to wear so I wore the grey one. I tried not to be miserable.

I had a vegan sausage patty and two rice crispies for breakfast. I hung out at my desk in our bedroom and put on my jewelery and was very excited to wear my necklace that I made last night. Made is a strong word. The jewelery drill came yesterday and I was able to drill out the ring I wanted to turn into a pendant and it worked! I'm thrilled.

I left here at 1015. Even though the goodwill didn't open until 11? I thought I could walk around Aldi first.

And I did that but I didn't life this Aldi and it was very very busy. I felt very stressed. I felt very upset. I was texting Jess and just absolutely going through it.

I think some of my upset was being exhausted. But also just wanting to desperately going home and being alone. That's all I wanted. But there was to much to do.

I would finally get to walk around goodwill. I did not find shoes. But I did find a new fleece and it would only be $2.99! Amazing. And while the shape is a little funny, and gives me big shoulders, it's very cozy. And it's lined and I really like it.

I went to camp next. Somehow missed a turn and got confused and it took me an extra 15 minutes but whatever.

I missed Alexi's text about getting us something from dough run. But that's okay.

I had to tell Alexi that someone stole the quad poster from the car. I feel terrible about it. And she was so nice about it. I'm horribly embarrassed. Cause literally nothing else was taken from the car, except my Nike hoodie. And we are all like. What did they think it was?? It's a big black case. Elizabeth thinks they thought it might be a gun case? Who knows. But I am still really bummed.

This afternoon was super busy. First I had to drive around camp looking for the TV. Then headed to the lodge and directed some of the counselors that volunteered to work today to get soap and HDMI cords and move tables.

And for some reason they were not good at moving tables and I had to take over so they didn't hurt themselves. But they were great help and it was honestly just really nice to see them.

I would hang out with Josephine and Louisa and Kenny. Kenny made me do a scavenger hunt and then I made one for him (finding/hiding sticky notes around the lodge) and it was very fun.

And pretty soon it was time for tours! I gave 9 tours. I only took groups to youth village. And I would run them through a whole day of camp. What a week looks like. What drop off looks like. Some advice for things to pack. I answered questions and tried to make it fun. Like I would make the kids cover their ears when I told parents about sending mail (you just drop it all off on Sunday and we hand it out throughout the week) and then the kids would be like "we heard you!!" And I would pretend to be surprised.

It was fun giving tours. I love tours. But also I would get frustrated when my coworkers tried to bring their tours into the cabin we were in!! There are 4 others! Stop that!! Messing with my groove.

I would take a little break. The Friends of Puhtok group was there selling hotdogs. No veggie dogs so instead I got a roll and chips and put mustard and relish on it and ate my silly sandwich. The woman there thought I was very funny and we talked about metal casting and how cool it was we were able to do it with the older campers last year. And how we're going to do it again this year.

I would really enjoy talking to everyone today. Lots of really sweet people. Also some hardcore parents with tattoos and boots and I was like. Can we be friends??? It was a really fun day, even if I was exhausted.

Like by 3 I was like. I'm dying. But I gave 2 more tours. And would finish up right before 4. When Elizabeth said I could be free. She asked me to jump on a zoom call meeting tomorrow so we could discuss the week (everyone except me and Sarah are going to a conference) and I said sure. And would walk to the art building where my car was parked.

I texted Celia and she said she would meet me at Indian Ocean, the new Indian place that just opened.

And it was so nice! I didn't take any pictures but it was so pretty inside. Very blue. And big TV screens with fish. And very good music. It was great.

She told me all about her surgery and how the weeks been going. I told her about my struggles and wins this week. The updates at the house. We both got paneer and naan and it was so much food. Am very excited for leftovers.

We hung out for an hour. Telling jokes and being silly. I was very very tired but I was still having a good time.

We headed out and said goodbye and I went home. I was so happy to go home.

I would hug James and immediately go lay on the couch. I didn't event and my jacket off. I just laid on my face for 45 minutes before I even talked to James.

We would catch up about the day. And James would run to the store to get milk before making cinnamon Hawaiian rolls for us. Which would be fabulous. They also did some painting. I did nothing. And was so tired.

I am going to go take a quick shower and try to go to sleep. And just hope tomorrow is better. I want to enjoy the sun and not be angry at it.

Sleep well everyone. I love you all. Goodnight

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b-sai-des · 7 months

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An Interview with Lilith a.k.a nicho santos is dead (pt1)

Earlier this week I had a really in depth and insightful conversation with a good friend of mine from high school, Lilith Santos (they/them), an experimental hip-hop producer studying music production at Berklee College of Music in Boston. They’ve been doing a lot of really interesting work with their solo albums and collaborations with different artists, and I was really grateful to hear from them about a variety of different topics like their collaborations, their personal journey as an artist, elements of their particular approach to production, and their personal philosophy as an artist and a person.

We started catching up on what we’ve been up to. Lilith said that they’ve been busy with a lot of classes, but they’re doing some upcoming shows in Boston as well.

I’ve gotten to know Lilith pretty well these last few years, and one of the things I’ve always admired about them is their authenticity and sense of community. In our big and close-knit high school friend group I’ve definitely felt this, and Lilith spoke a lot here about the way that they look at things and how that’s shaped and been shaped by their journey with music.

I know you've been working with a lot of different artists lately, like Annie Elise, Maz, Ghais Guevara, and asoookha. Is there a particular story when you met one of these artists? What was the start of one of those creative collaborations?

Oh, for sure. I could give you the answer right now. I could do it for all of them, actually. It's not that deep. If we're thinking chronologically, then the oldest person that I know from these two, it has to be Annie, Annie first. Annie is someone that I met online during the peak of the COVID pandemic and all that whole jazz and stuff. And it was a Discord server that I would regularly flock to because I did moderate in that (laughs) as lame as that sounds. Jokes aside, I am very proud of doing my role in the community for that amount of time. And actually, Annie is the person that convinced me to go to Berkeley to begin with.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, she was the person that was actually willing to encourage me to audition, do all the stuff that I had to. But it kind of just started off on like a very mutual basis. Like we had friends of friends, she was at Berklee at the time before she dropped out. And, you know, we would talk a lot, but nothing really would suffice until I really got into Boston.

Now, maybe it was like a couple months before I got to Boston. And keep in mind the mindset that I was, I just had gotten out of like an eight-month relationship and she had just gotten out of like a three-year relationship. I told this story to a lot of people because it's really funny how we ended up coming with this idea [their music project, The Heartmenders] to essentially cope with our loss of partners, but also the gain of our fruits of a new life, essentially. And what happened was I was visiting Boston beforehand, just to kind of check out the school, visit Annie and all that. And I remember the first night that I arrived there, I'm driving over to her place, I'm trying to find parking and I get a text and she's like, “Sorry if I seem upset today. I just got broken up with.”

And I'm like, holy shit, that couldn't have been more insane timing than what happened to me. So, you know, being a friend first, I listened to her. We went out to get pizza, it was like this whole, it was a really nice night. I look back at that night with such fondness and joy, but in retrospect it really was the start of everything.

Cause I remember she would text me two months later, on and off talking. This was after I got into Berklee. After she helped me with my audition process, the year prior, she was like, “You know, well, since my ex doesn't have the performance privileges to be with me anymore, do you want to perform with me?” Already getting a gig opportunity before school started was crazy to me, and I'm so fucking grateful for this moment in our friendship. I'm very grateful for her in general. I can tell you that I'm grateful for all these people. When I got that opportunity, it was such an easy thing to say yes to, and I'm so glad I did.

It was at Bill's bar, for a Breaking Sound showcase. And it seemed like the biggest thing in my life. Now it's like, you know, footnote of the past, but it's like one of the biggest things that happened to me. And in that period of time of moving in, getting settled into school and figuring stuff out before the show, we were like, “Hey, let's just make some music together so I don't have to just perform like all your stuff – no offense, I just want to be able to perform some of my stuff as well.” And she’s like “Yeah, sure!”

I feel like we were super lucky in how we caught lightning in the bottle that day when I was making beats over at her house and we were laying down vocals. She was so easy to work with. She really knew her way around the DAW [digital audio workstation], I was still more or less an amateur. I'm still a student in my craft, I'm still learning how to do all of that stuff, but, you know, seeing her work inspired me to figure out a work process on my own, work harder on my stuff. And we would just end up sending a bunch of shit back and forth to each other from the summer before I moved into Boston.

I think the important thing was that the relationship, the friendship, was already established. So that made the work 500 times easier. Being able to work with her on that, get like devil's advocate on certain inputs, but also just being able to rock out and like have no stress and making shit with was probably one of the biggest blessings I could ever receive, and it definitely did carry into how I treat a lot of my collaborators and like, you know, how much I want to do, see the chemistry, you know, whatever's up with that.

And, you know, Annie and I have been like really close friends since I still keep up with her from time to time on the phone. She's super busy nowadays, but she always makes time to respond and do all this stuff with me, so I find myself grateful.

Annie Elise and Lilith Santos are The Heartmenders.

We're working on a new album right now. We're taking our time with it.

That gets me excited, because the first EP – I was blown away by that.

And that was like, those are really old tracks. Actually, I'll send you the old demos right now, I think it was on a fucking Medium article. I wrote about it in the Medium article. I do talk about the entire story in a lot more depth. I'm really glad I wrote about it. It was a really fun exercise (laughs). Yeah, it was just a fun time. It's really funny looking back at my previous heartbreak, and I don't feel so strongly about it right now. You know, it's just kind of funny knowing a time where like I deadass wrote about it, and it was so cathartic for me for no reason.

I can give you another collaborator too, which one are you the most interested in? I could do all of them.

Yeah, whatever you feel most interested in talking about. It sounds like you have a really good repertoire and a good relationships with all these people. It's cool to hear that kind of camaraderie that's there that you have with all the people that you're working with, and it sounds like a really nice community there.

Oh, for sure. For a lot of things, especially in school, the one thing I have to remind myself at the beginning was that I'm here for the school. Obviously, I'm here to make my parents proud. And it was already a crazy journey, becoming a musician, taking it seriously, and then actually going to a school for it. But the more important thing that I'm here for is the community. I mean, I've made some amazing friends. I could like, talk so much about them, you know, just how true to themselves they are, and how much they inspire me to keep working on things and do things a different way or see things a certain way. It's honestly super inspiring.

One of those people is Maz. Now, Maz is someone I met recently in the whole grand scheme of things. I became very good friends with him like a year ago. He's like one of my closest homies I ever made at the school. And we met off of a beat battle for the Berkeley Hip Hop Club that I was recommended to do when, you know, everyone was still trying to find their friends for college, their roommates, and be like, “oh, like I have this thing in common, too.” I didn't meet him there, but a friend of mine was like, “Yo you should join the beat battle. The guy who runs Berklee Hip Hop right now is judging it, and I think he would be really cool for him to see your work.” I took him up on the offer. He really liked my work!

And we kind of knew of each other, but it was really when we met in person – a lot of the stuff, especially for all these collaborations, except for one, really blossomed after meeting them in person after they're really getting to know them as a person. I'm a very social person. I try to be at least, and, you know, (laughs) it definitely shows.

Now, the funny thing is with Soul Snatchers, that whole EP was just tracks made for fun. And we somehow just worked our way into a really nice, concise circle full of ideas and such. it's just really easy to just make something, put down vocals, and then be done with it. The surprising this about this was I exclusively produced it. Another great thing about the collaboration was that I had Maz there helping me with the beat as well. Maz already is like one of the greatest working producers I know at Berklee. Like, he knows how to mix, he knows how to engineer, he knows how to experiment just enough, but also keep it in the realm of like, digestible. You know, for someone like me, that's a bit of a task! So seeing Maz do it and also being a part of his band helps too. It's amazing. And I think the main thing I got from this was that we were just having fun. A lot of the music that we make is never really that deep.

There are certain things in the production that Maz wants to fulfill every time we have a session. And whenever those prerequisites are filled up, I get to do whatever I want. So it's kind of taught me a lot about restraint. He's very set on what to do. He's very clean, thorough, efficient with it. It inspired me for my own production, just kind of honing down my process even more to like almost on a molecular level, especially for just like basic ideas.

It's really nice. I have like a mini Maz in my head sometimes telling me to make split decisions or not, and then just sticking with them until the end of the song.

It seems like from all your collaborations, you kind of picked up things from them, and you've learned from each of them. I was also wondering, for your most recent album, distant benevolence – I was struck when you released side B, because I could definitely see how you and asoookha had two distinct styles, but they kind of came together on both side A and side B.

Yeah! Ah, oh, man, ah that collaboration was a lot of fun! So they mentioned this in their YouTube description of the actual tape itself. They literally uploaded it like a day ago. In the comments, he does recall the story of when this first happened. Originally, we were friends of a friend. Shout out to TEYO. If you're reading this, what up? That kid is fucking talented. And amazing.

TEYO! on Spotify

He was the one that brought asoookha and I together. I remember hearing off of one of his tracks. I think it was "the lights dim as I live." It's a good song. The production on that was like, absolutely stellar. And like hearing that come from an 18 year old, right? Fucking wild! Like I was making stuff at like 18, but I don't think I ever sounded like that good. So I was like, okay, I had to see what was up with this guy.

I get invited to the discord server and I immediately make friends with this dude. Asoookha is awesome. We have a lot of the same interests. We're both into the same, like DJ and HoloLive, VTuber shit. It's a, it's a really funny thing to bond over. But at the same time, like our shared love for these like weird ass interests, like anime and like VTubing and like just weird fucking unplayable video games, it really brought us closer.

youtube

Youtube upload of Distant Benevolence Side B by asoookha.

And this guy's in Australia. Now keep in mind, this is not my first rodeo with a long distance friendship– I have this friend named Allanah, crazy voice actor, who I met a couple years ago over the internet and across the sea. So awesome. Like just such an awesome individual– Asoookha lives all the way in Australia, so I know how this shit works already. I know what kind of times to be up at. I know when to hit them up, when to not hit them up type of deal. And it was just really easy for us to get along.

And one day, I think it was like maybe a couple of months ago, they were like, yo Lilith, do you want to just like make a collab album? That would be really funny. And I was like, as funny as that does sound, I think it would sound pretty good. So I went along with it. And I think for the entire time, asoookha was just not expecting for this to work out. Like, it was just going to be like another, like, “Oh, like, you know, we'll say we'll do it, but we're never actually going to do”, but we, we kind of came in and swept! It was such a crazy display of a two way street I've ever seen, especially from Boston all the way to Australia. We were really on top of our shit.

And that's what was like, so surprising about it. And, you know, our styles are super different. I'm very – I don't think my stuff should be perfect at all. I don't want it to be perfect. That's against my whole being as a producer, my style. Just having the weird dichotomy of like, super clean, nostalgic beats from asoookha and like this dirty but like raw and emotional stuff coming from me, it was like magical to me, hearing everything front to back. We thought about the track order and stuff together. And we just realized like, it would sound good if we just went from one emotion to the other, just like quite literally had two sides of the tape dedicated to each of us. It was kind of easy from then on.

I'm very thankful to call myself his friend. He's probably one of the craziest, talented producers out there in terms of sampling and finding stuff and getting really deep, like deep into that pocket.

I was surprised to hear “X-Wing” being sampled in one of the asoookha tracks on side B.

“video games SUCK?”

Yeah! The way he utilized Denzel Curry's vocals from X-Wing and kind of just completely flipped it.

The band [CENSORED (sorry, no sample snitching)], I think it’s a flip of them, if I recall correctly. But like, no, they're just, asoookha’s kind of crazy with it. Like they, like a lot of people just kind of slap on rap acapellas onto beats, and they’re the only couple of people that I know that can do that super well. But it surprised me to hear asoookha just threw their thing on that. Like, I mean, I don't do that a lot anymore as much as I used to, but I've been thinking about it more and more now. It's just kind of inspiring. A lot of the people I'm very grateful to. I'm so fucking grateful to be in this position that I'm in. They just kind of proved me wrong in a lot of ways. That's really all I can ask for from people! Like just prove me wrong! Show me I can do something a different way. That's really it.

I could definitely see both of your styles, there's such a beautiful synthesis on the final product. So yeah, I definitely, I definitely see the fruits of that labor.

For sure. Oh man, I'm gonna have this new whole list of shout outs right now. Shout out to Eli. Shout out to VVN. Shout out to Kyle, my boy Kyle. Shout out to Maz. Shout out to fucking Nate, man. Shout out to Quinn. Shout like, I got so many people to shout out. I don't even know if I can fit this shit in. I got so many people to thank for like, in terms of music stuff. Cause you know, it's just you know, this industry is already hard as is, as an artist being solo. Having a community just to kind of back you up and uplift you when you need it, but also being able to give that energy back and uplift that back to them: that is like one of the things I live for. Friends and family are awesome.

As for your upcoming shows, where are you going to be playing at?

I'm doing something for the Women Producers Showcase at The Loft at Berklee. It's going to be a nice little show, not too much. Then I got like a little thing going on at Bencils Live. It should be on the 18th, if I recall correctly. it's going to be like a whole 30-minute set party kind of vibes. But I'm just going to be doing my thing. I don't know. It's just going to be a bit hectic in terms of preparation. I just go by feeling to be honest (laughs).

One of the things that's clear with Lilith is the sense of gratitude she has for the people she works with and have friendships with and the opportunities she's had. Lilith really values the nature of collaboration, and they've learned from each of their projects with different artists and friends.

After this point, our interview turned more towards Lilith's personal journey and their specific style. Lilith explains the significance of their artist name and their journey of coming out as nonbinary along and their personal philosophy which carries over into their personal style. Go to part two.

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cherienymphe · 1 year

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Oh Cherie, please ignore this if it’s kind of a downer but literally none of my friends are responding and you’re great at giving advice (but only respond if you want to lol don’t want to trauma dump & stress you out)

Basically it’s my birthday today, and as soon as I turned 18 my father stopped paying me (he was giving me like £20 each week for child support or something. He didn’t say happy birthday, and stopped trying to contact me. The 6 years previous to this he only contacted me during big occasions & I would either not reply or I’d see him or speak to him and it would cause arguments within my family.

Anyways, I haven’t seen or heard from him in two years. He didn’t send me anything for my 19th or say happy birthday. He weirdly text me happy new year last year though which was weird as we never really celebrated it.

It’s my birthday today and I went the whole day without a message from him or money sent into my account or a card through the door (although his parents drop off a card in my letterbox every year without fail, I don’t like them though - his mother called me fat when she saw me one day in McDonalds). My mother has been asking if I’m okay all day because he hadn’t sent or text or anything. I say yeah but I’m a little upset abt it, but mostly upset because my nan died a few months ago and she usually sends me a card, sings happy bday to me over the phone etc. He doesn’t even know that she’s dead. He doesn’t know anything about me.

He messaged me just now, with an hour until my birthday ends. The entire day I’ve been celebrating, and he only now sends a text out of the blue “Happy 20th birthday ❤️❤️ xxxxx love you” and now I’m fucking torn between replying or ignoring it because I feel guilty not responding, but at the same time, not even a card or a call or even a text when I’m actually celebrating yk? I know I’m probably privileged that he even sent me a text today, but I genuinely don’t know what to do lmao

Your dad sounds shitty tbh. I wouldn't reply and I would not feel bad 😭

#asks

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stealingbones · 1 year

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can i just,, rant about south park? (spoiler warning obv)

I never thought id be into basic american adult tv buthere we are- I recently got into it, feb 19th i started watching and finished the whole 26 seasons and two games (sot and tfbw) in a month. Just finished tfbw game earlier today and almost lost my mind fr bc wth man.... anyway, theres your background for how mentally ill i am, now-

South park characters have so much detail in their characters, right down to the little things, like cartman having to finish singing sail away or kenny liking oragami, like??? i love the little character details that nobody thinks about hello??

Its so hard to take them seriously with that stupid artstyle (the artstyle has grown on me and i love it sm but still, theyre hella goofy) but seriously some parts cut deep- especially the whole fucking covid thing, never in my life did i think id cry at fUCKING SOUTH PARK ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I see a lot of angst and it actually makes sense??? And just,, a lot of stan's stuff is really depressing, i hate the episode(s) 'youre getting older' holy fuck. The fact that stan knows how to drive at 8 years old most likely because his dad is an alcoholic who drives drunk too is graaAAA,, I feel so bad for butters too, the innocent child who gets all the trauma dumped on him 💀 none of the kids in south park are safe from trauma, not even 'new kid' (they fr made you choose a parent, dude.....) one of my favorite serious moments though actually is when kenny tries to get them to remember his deaths, the like "TRY AND FUCKING REMEMBER." is so dramatic and im fbedhunfinjecnijef

also cartman being the only one to remember kenny's deaths waa,, Cartmanland he says 'what kenny? he dies all the time' and when kenny tries to make the others remember,, cartman isnt there so á, then cartman isnt shocked when kenny escapes wherever tf cthuhlu sent everyone. cartman did drink kenny's ashes so that could be the reason he remembers epic

also also, i didnt even think about it before until i seen just kenny and kyle at the bus stop, but stan and cartman moving away and just having two of the main four left at the iconic bus stop scene is so upsetting,, I enjoy the older seasons best 💔 Like season 10 and earlier man,, their early seson voices too omg <3 When they started doing season long stories was kind of annoying (edit bc new episode dropped, they put cartman back lmao,, still missing stan though man...)

Switching topics- No wonder style is more popular than stendy, it has more content than stendy even though theyre cannon dating 💀i think cartman and wendy interaction more actually. Wendy's kind of cool and i wish theyd make an effort to show her and stan together more often (even small things like they do with creek) and a few times its even shown how little stan cares, like with the texting thing or the time they broke up for a bit stan had said he hadnt talked to her for weeks... Stan doesnt deserve wendy tbh, i also always forget she killed someone for stan lol, they really dialed her crazy back,,

I probably have more random thoughts but these are the main ones,, the little guys have been doing laps around my brain for a month straight and i feel like im going to explode

#sp #south park #Fandom post

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skz317cb97 · 2 years

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This is gonna be a whole ass rant I'm so sorry but....

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH PEOPLE COMFORTABLY DEAD NAMING ME LATELY!

Story time...

Yesterday a regular of mine (that I've actually complained about on here before) came in and said "Hi I'm here for my appointment with 'dead name.'" ALL of my stylists have only EVER known me as Cal, NEVER my dead name. So Christina (who transferred from the other salon with me) was like "Oh you mean Cal!" At this point I was walking up front to pull her back and she was like,

"Ooooh yeaaa I don't call her that." Now I'm USUALLY really REALLY chill about my pronouns and whatever as long as people call me by my preferred name. Even with my name, with my clients, I've been a bit lax on but when I heard her say that it irritated me to no end. So I said,

"No one here knows me by that name, they aren't gonna know who you're talking about unless you call me Cal." And she was like,

"Ohhh I just can't." Now I was trying to be professional and polite AND stand my ground so I used my #1 argument when I'm in this situation, which is,

"Well my mom named me and she calls me Cal so I think if she can you can also." Then she says,

"You know I'm not good with change." Still I'm TRYING to be polite, I've done this woman's hair for like 10 years and have considered her a friend for a long time. I said,

"You could try." And she just smiled and said,

"Luckily you love meee." ALL I could think was 'I don't love anyone enough to let them disrespect me' but instead I just dropped it and pulled her back. The whole haircut was awkward and tense and she kept trying to conversate and called me 'dead name' a couple more times in my chair. I didn't really say anything and just let her talk. When we were done I checked her out and USUALLY I'd walk around and give her a hug goodbye. I DID NOT. After she left I walked in the back and Christina was there. I said,

"I am..." and Christina immediately was like,

"I know I couldn't believe her just now!" So for someone that doesn't like change she's going to be really upset when I stop taking her calls and texts and she has to find someone else to do her hair because I will NOT ANYMORE after that. She could have dealt with little change and called me Cal now she deals with BIG change and finds a new stylist. She also has hella hard hair to work with and is stupid picky so good luck to her on her new journey.

Then today another regular who's hair I've done for like 10 years came in.

"I'm here for 'dead name'." My assistant manager had heard about the incident the day before so she said,

"Oh! You mean Cal!" And he went.

"Oh yea Cal." No problem a slip, it happens, no harm no foul, thank you for correcting yourself. But then he accidently called me tonight instead of his ex mother inlaw because he still has me saved as 'dead name' in his phone after almost 3 years of going by Cal. He went on a whole schpeal about a family situation before he realized it was me on the phone. So he asked my opinion about the issue anyway and I gave it to him. (Big shocker he was the one wrong!) Then he proceeded to go on about an email he got from someone at work (he's a cop🙄) and how it had pronouns at the bottom so I was like,

"Yea, lots of people put their pronouns in their bio on socials or at the bottom of emails..." He cuts me off and goes,

"Well they didn't 2 years ago." So I went to finish my sentence.

"Yea probably not but a lot of businesses are trying to be more inclus-" Cuts me off again.

"Well they didn't do that before." Again I tried to say,

"Yes but business are trying to be more inclusive for trans and non-binary-" Again.

"Well no one used to." It was like talking to a fucking wall. I was like,

"You KNOW I wrote my pronouns on my mirror at the other salon." And he groaned and was like,

"Yeaaa I know, I don't get it. Binary I thought that meant book. I don't know." Fucking FACE. PALM. I was so pissed by the time I finally got off the phone with him. I just can't with this shit. I'm TOO easy going about it for people to be so blatantly disrespectful. I'm over it.

#skz317cb97 #cal 🖤#tw: transphobia #tw: dead naming

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sadieanimalcrossing · 2 years

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i feel like its finally time to do this.

after she denied my venmo request today, i am finally ready to discuss what happened between me and gemma. i will include proof to the extent that i am able and will update frequently when i can find a way to get photos of my weirdly hacked (seriously) island.

gemma and i were really close, which is probably why this has ended in so much chaos. we met irl a few times during meetups for witches. despite not seeing each other in person frequently, we were constantly meeting up in our new horizons islands. this is where we formed most of our friendships

the point is, since we are both witches, it gets crazier from here.

tldr: my close friend turned on me and took revenge in a really weird way and i have been begging for compensation, which has not come.

so our friendship started in 2021, last year, in the summer time probably in june. we were both interested in witchcraft and would frequently discuss spells we've worked and actually working on some together for a while. like i said we got close.

for reasons i don't feel need to be disclosed we started having a usual friendship falling out starting at the beginning of october. i noticed some weird vibes coming off of her the more we chatted and the last time we met up in person was when things got extremely dicey. we had an argument about stupid stuff and i left way later than planned, which also upset me. i accidentally left my switch in her apartment and had to literally exit my bus and go back to get it. her text gave me weird vibes but i figured i was just being weird.

everything was fine until i got home. when i turned on my switch to do my animal crossing dailies, things had changed. for starters, it was raining red drops in my town and the rain was causing my villagers pain. like they had no umbrellas, and the rain was making them do the little stressed out blue wiggle reaction. i was a little off-put by this because of course who would expect that, but i persisted.

my town was renamed to DIE SADIE, which isabelle saying so happily was ALSO off-putting. i had mail. it was from "your enemy", which was definitely a letter from gemma, which i managed to take a pic of (my left joycon is badly broken, its a struggle to take pics fast enough):

when i began to walk around, there were graveyard decors everywhere. all of my villagers houses were back to being tents (yes she EVICTED them) and when i talked to them they would just tell me to go away and that they didnt like me anymore. i went to see sheldon because he still had his house intact and this is what he said to me:

i turned it off because i realized where it was gonna go. i have tried to reboot it again it turns itself off. should i try and get a video of it? i havent tried again for fear of actually damaging my switch, so i'm just trying to get a new cartridge, which i venmoed her the funds for and she denied. i have actually felt so spiritually drained from this entire thing and i think its because i told her that it was like my favorite game that she targeted my island.

shes definitely never going to give a shit. but i cant stop giving a shit.

i literally JUST want people to know what she did to show that it was wrong. like she just doesn't give a shit and i really cared about it, so what if it was just a village to me it was my cyberspace. please care GEMMA. it was my only joy. i am scorned but i wont curse you, i liked you too much. thank you for reading if you got this far.

#animal crossing #nwhrzns #sadieanimalcrossing #keeping me awake. sorry to post all my drama but listen im depressed and im on edge and that was my stable source of peace #so forgive me. ive been trying to make a new one and i psych myself up and then i get scared. so stupid

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calypso-finale · 1 year

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Forty Three.

Walking over to the mirror with Emi in my arms facing the mirror “that you momma” getting as close as I can to the mirror, the way her big eyes open wide just staring and then she looked up at me “fat momma that you with the rolls” she smiled at me “daddy girl right there ain’t you” I turned around, my videographer is stood right in front of me doing his thing “she told us that we are useless and we need to work harder” I shouted, my dancers made their way over to me “useless? Emi what should we change?” Lance asked Emi as he leaned down, I have been having Emi with me for rehearsal near enough every day, I enjoy letting her be around my team. I enjoy that she can see daddy work, I am not no stay at home dad like last time. The boys are with Robyn, I just be taking her, and Robyn doesn’t even know it. I know today she told me to leave her home, but I was like nope, I am going to be leaving for the tour in three days so I need to spend time with my little momma, she is four months today too “she told me Chris that her dad is always out of breath, she said her dad may faint on stage bro?” I would whack him but I have her in my arms “fuck you” I said laughing “let me hold her, she wants me” Lance took her, looking over at my videographer “this is literally going to be the best tour of my life, I know it” I pointed at the camera “I got my family with me, I got Central Cee, Herb and you know how we do, we going to be turning up every night, after parties, my people. It’s going to be the best tour, sold out too. You know how we do” I grinned wide walking off, I am just so excited to be doing this. I mean it did come out of nowhere, I did do this last minute but I ain’t getting any younger, I want to do all this shit without thinking my back is about to break, so we going to turn up. Also it’s my turn to have fun, I had most of my time at home with the kids “the fuck you doing here nigga” dapping Herb “I been here dancing, you know how I am going to do. Pop, lock and drop” he is so dumb “how long though?” I asked “a few, I just wanted to come out and see you. I been rehearsing in New York and shit, came out to see my child but she won’t let me so yeah” Herb always got some shit going on “damn” I just said.

Herb and Emi are the cutest together, he is a good dad and Taina ain’t letting him be a dad, I don’t like that really but I get it, I mean with Herb he really did go all out and cheat on her like that so I get she is mad but don’t take it out on the kids “I want a girl you know” he said, he is feeding her the bottle “you do? But you need to you know. See your son first, why is Taina being difficult though. You want me to speak to Robyn about it? I think I should, get you that relationship back on track? She should let you see the boy at least” Herb shrugged “I’m going on tour and I’m not being able to see him, I’ll be gone for months too. I text her and she said fuck off” he laughed “she big mad about the cheating but what can we say, women huh” Herb shrugged “whatever though, how is Robyn though, she still mad that you are going on tour?” Nodding my head “she gave me this story, she gave me this stupid story that she needs me, that this is happening, and I need to stay. I goes look yeah, when you was touring the whole world, where was I? Let me have my moment and after that she big mad. So like I bought Emi here and she text me saying you could have told me then she came to visit the rehearsal a few days ago, didn’t like that the girls are dancing on me? I was like you bugging, be quiet. I am done with that woman, sorry Herb” Herb is laughing hard “how we in the dog house? We need to just go on tour and have fun, fuck that noise” I just smiled “I think that’s what is upsetting Robyn, the word fun. She tried to say that she should come, I said first of all, Junior got games to go too, he got things happening for him, the thing is. She is acting hard done by, I was hard done by bro but we move. I just got to let her have this” I shrugged “you got too; you know how women are if you don’t” nodding my head “I’ll speak to Robyn for you though, you need to be able to see your child” I think I will, Taina can’t be that selfish with him, I don’t exactly want to get involved but I will for my friend, he should be able to see his child and I don’t care for what they say about it.

Placing Emi car seat a top of the kitchen counter “we are home, last day of rehearsals went good” I grinned, she can be angry all she wants about life, I am for one very excited about this tour, it’s not like I will be away and not keep in contact, I will be keeping in contact with her “you’re taking Emi like she doesn’t have a mother, it’s unfair how you keep doing this to me, I wake up and she is gone” nodding my head “yeah, she came to work with me, why are you so mad at this still? You are being very unreal; I don’t like how you’re being with me” Emi is knocked out asleep “being with you? You literally created a tour while I was giving birth so yeah you’re right, I am pissed” I laughed “right, I don’t regret a thing actually. I am going to go out there on my sold out show and have fun, niggas ain’t me. They want to be like me but they can’t beat me, which nigga is doing what I do? This tour is random but it sold out and when they are see it, they going to love it. Least I will be back, max two months. I find it hard to believe that you’re acting up because I want to tour? It’s laughable” she put a finger up at me “I love that you’re twisting it, the point is you did this while I was giving birth and then told me, what if I had things on?” licking my top lip as I shrugged “then cancel them, I think you had enough fun, right?” I laughed “oh you are a dick, you cannot keep bringing my past up! Every argument you’re there telling me about what I did!? I fucking know what I did and I don’t regret it, look at me now, look where I am now” nodding my head “yeah, I can see” I smiled “oh fuck you” this is all she does is swear at me “don’t miss me too much, I will be having after parties, I will be having fun, accept it and move on” Robyn is huffing and puffing, this is so funny to me because she don’t like me having any fun “well those dancers need to back off” I laughed out, she is funny when she is mad “well I will be backed up, someone need to do it” Robyn’ face like thunder I dipped, I can’t stay there any longer because she is about to kill me.

Raihan is snuggled up to me watching power rangers, he is somehow into this show now, I still love the original, I ain’t into the new style shit going on. I am enjoying it either way, I love spending time with my son’s “this is so fake” Imani said “miserable” she looked at me “have you asked mom if I can go with you dad? Please don’t leave me in America, everyone ditches me” I groaned out, Imani is full of stories “Imani” I said “please dad, I just want to go and travel, nobody will let me do a thing! This is terrible” she half shouted “ok, just give me a moment, I will. If she says no then what?” I mean I can’t tell if Robyn will like it “then you say she has to let me go, it’s unfair. I just want to travel with my dad” I grinned “and then see your sisters” I added “they practically live together and I am stuck here" I just smiled “yeah well, they have ben having fun together. It’s nice to see, look. Your mom isn’t liking that I am going, now I am taking you, she won’t be happy but I will ask. See what happens but I can’t leave you with your sisters” I hope that isn’t her plan “because mom has fallen out with them, doesn’t mean we have dad. You’re allowing mom to act this way, she’s the one that set Rylee with Brian, she didn’t want him!” Imani spat “how? What does your mom got to do with the dumb decisions Rylee makes?” I questioned “it was contracted, Rylee told me about it. Mom knew about it, she doesn’t like it when people don’t do it her way, she likes to control the narrative” I am pissed off “Imani, if you are lying. I will fucking knock your bedroom door down” I pointed “lie for what? It’s the truth dad, mom did it. Ask her, she is so mean at times. Even blocked me from doing anything” shaking my head, now I am pissed the fuck off.

I nearly threw Raihan off of me, let me see that wife of mine. I have been a little too laid back with her I think. I just don’t want to argue with her before I leave off for overseas so I have been taking a lot of it and just shrugging it off “Robyn” I said “I need to talk to you” I said as I walked off, she can follow me along, I won’t have this woman mess with any of out children lives, I need them to choose their own path, their own mistakes and let them make them, I don’t agree with that shit. Robyn closed the door behind her, I went into the dining room “your little friend Taina, she isn’t letting Herb be a dad so if you can talk to her, do it” let me add that before this turns “are you asking or telling me? Seems like you’re telling me” placing my hands in my hips “telling, it’s wrong. You and Taina be in cahoots so tell her before I do, because really that kid ain’t do shit, his dad cheated and that’s on him but he always been a good dad” I think Robyn knows I am annoyed, I am not happy “of course you’re taking up for Herb, he maybe your friend is funny to you but the things he did to Taina, he has been cheating on her all this time and you think it’s ok? Giving her a disease, he attacked her too, didn’t know that right” Robyn spat “what does that got to do with the child? Wake up Robyn, you say it or I do. Also I want to see this contract in regards to Brian” crossing my arms across my chest, Robyn’ mouth fell open and then closed it “huh?” she just said in shock “you heard me, I want to see this contract. How dare you push this shit narrative on our kids, are you stupid?” I can tell with the look on her face that this is all so true, she really did that “I didn’t push nothing, she is an adult too, I just said it would make money, give publicity something that bum baby daddy can’t give. Who the fuck cares about him? Brian made noise, even him just holding Aziel, it all made noise. Who fucking cares about the baby daddy? Mind you that didn’t fucking last and you Chris, you are just the worst, bringing him back into the fold constantly, this tour!? Bringing him on there for what, I did set up the relationship but I didn’t tell Rylee to sleep with him” I clenched my jaw “Robyn, how dare you keep that kind of thing away from me!” I shouted “how dare you, how fucking dare you. If I fucking hear you getting involved in these kids life one more time!” I pointed shouting “one more time Robyn, then there will be problems. I am glad you’re not speaking to the eldest two, it’s been fucking quiet since, don’t touch me” I walked around her, I am so mad with her.

Lighting my blunt as the team got together on skype, we are just setting out some set times and since Oakley is overseas we are doing it over skype “well as we know, big man will be the longest set, then me and then Central” Herb said “in reality, I am the top shit over here. My name carries, who knows Herbert” Ybeez said which made me laugh “it’s out of my hands, creative director. You on for this not me” I smiled “I think I should let you” she said, clearing my throat “what you thinking Oakley? Man, your parents must hate you both. Herbert and Oakley” I giggled to myself “fuck you nigga, your middle name is Maurice, how is this guy laughing at anything, who the hell thinks of a Maurice” I have to laugh, Herbert is so mad “man, calm down but we you thinking Oakley?” he is quiet “Ybeez put the point out there and he isn’t wrong, I do this side of the field. Like if I was doing it over there then yeah, I should be last” looking over at Robyn, she has walked into the office “mhmm, well miss director, let them know” she has the news “well logically thinking, it will be Herbo being last” I chuckled “there we have it” I said “like it’s nothing against but Central Cee really isn’t an opening act for anyone, in his own right he has a name for himself, and taking into the fact he is doing this really for friendship, it’s a given. Chris will have the longest set but of course, Central Cee will get a good number in there” Herb is not happy but what did he expect “he’s in a different lane over there Herb” he got to understand that “I will be back though, just discuss” muting the sound on the call “what’s up?” I asked “I want to apologise” of course she does “Robyn, you been acting like this since the tour shit, but the whole you trying to change up the narrative on what our kids life is or could be is stupid, I hate this whole you ain’t asking about my baby so I won’t ask about yours, you and Rylee are both dumb and Tianna is stupid for choose sides” Robyn laughed “Chris, she is petty” side eyeing her, I wonder where she gets the petty side from “well at the end of the day it’s Aziel that suffers, I am just going to stay out of the shit” holding my hands up, I want my family to be happy and get along.

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