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kindnessisweakness2 · 1 year

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Delusional - Part 19

“I cannot believe you can sing like that lass!” Chibs exclaimed loudly from the bar in the clubhouse. The Friday night party was in full swing and Delaney was sat on Jax’s lap as the rest of the club made comments about how well she did at the fundraiser. “There is alot you guys dont know about me. I have lots of secret talents.” Delaney wiggled her eyebrows and laughed loudly at the expression on the guys faces. “No, Seriously. I love singing covers but i write songs too. I just never sing them. It’s weird, i’ve just never had the confidence. My parents wanted me to be a Lawyer or Doctor and well, you can see how that turned out!” Delaney gestured at herself and giggled. “I think you turned out perfect.” Jax said as he leaned in and kissed her head. “And talking about them secret talents, its time to take my old lady home. Sorry guys!” Jax grinned as the guys groaned loudly at his innuendo. Delaney did not have to be told twice as she quickly said goodbye to Gemma and Clay before following her Fiance to his bike. Jax was reaching for his spare helmet when an unfamiliar Car pulled onto the TM Lot. Jax Pulled Delaney close as he watched a man and woman emerge from the car. The woman was tall and slim with dark hair and dark eyes. She had a pointed look on her face and Jax could already tell she was judging everyone. The male was short and frumpy, with a receeding hairline and bright eyes. “Mom? Dad?” Delaney questioned, shock evident in her voice, as she made her way towards the car with Jax following close behind her. “W-What are you doing here? You never called to tell me you were coming out!” Delaney’s Mom scowled at her daughter. “Well we wanted to suprise you. We were concerned that we couldnt get hold of Alex, so we decided to fly out. Do not be ungrateful.” Delaney sighed at her mother. She has never been nice to her, and always thought the sun shone out of Alex’s backside. This was going to be a difficult convosation. “Well me and Alex, we arent together anymore. I dont know where he is-” It wasnt a lie. She didnt know where he was and she never wanted to know either. Her moms eyes widened. “Don’t tell me, you messed it up like you do everything else. Always been ungrateful, hasnt she James? I’m glad we flew out. You clearly need our help. I’m sure we can fix it. You just need to lose a few pounds, all this american food hasnt helped your waist line dear! You’ve clearly let yourself go. Walking around no make up, hair a mess and when was the last time you had your nails done? What have i told you Delaney Louise? Men do not appreciate it when their woman looks rough! No wonder Alex probably went somewhere else. Have you atleast been doing the housework and cooking him home meals?” Delaney’s Cheeks blushed crimson at her moms critisism and the fact that the rest of the club came out to see the new arrivals, catching the awful toungue lashing her mother dished out. Her Father just stood there an awkward smile on his face. Years of having to listen to her mother go on and on has made him compliant, never wanting to get on her bad side. “Mom, Can you please forget about Alex? He wasnt a good man. He did things to me you never knew about, even before we moved out here. I’ve met someone else. Someone who treats me so much better.” Her moms eyes flickered to where Jax was stood next to her. She watched her mom look him up and down and it honestly made her blood boil to see the judgement on her face. “He’s no Alex.” Delaney couldnt hold it in. “YES. YOUR CORRECT. HE’S NO ALEX. HE DOESNT GRAB ME BY THE HAIR AND DRAG ME TO THE FLOOR WHEN HIS BREAKFAST ISNT DONE ON TIME. HE DOESNT TELL ME IM USELESS AND FAT AND UGLY. HE DOESNT HIT ME EVERYDAY. HE DOESNT SCARE ME. HE DOESNT MAKE MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM WORTHLESS. HE DOESNT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I WANT TO DIE AND THAT THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME IN IT. HE MAKES ME FEEL SAFE AND LOVED AND HAPPY. SHOULDNT THAT BE WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR DAUGHTER? TO BUILD A LIFE WITH SOMEONE WHO MAKES HER FEEL LIKE SHE’S THE MOST AMAZING THING. RATHER THAN LIVE EVERYDAY IN FEAR THAT THAT WILL BE THE DAY HE FINALLY KILLED ME?” Delaneys chest heaved as she screamed at her mother. “Oh dont be so dramatic, Delaney Louise! So what he slapped you a few times? You’ve always been out of control. You needed raining in! To be showed whats acceptable and whats not! Alex did you a favour even looking at you in the first place. He could have his pick of the women wherever he went and he chose you! He chose to be with someone who behaved and looked like you! I hate to say it as you are my daughter but lets face it, your never the prettiest girl in the room. You ate your feelings through high school and look how its effected your body! Nobody wants you, and its not hard to believe when you look like that. Like i said, now im here we will correct it and you will apologise to Alex in the hope he will take you back.” Delaney shook her head at her mother. The nerve of her. “If you ever think im going to stand in front of that man again you are more delusional than he is.” The smack echoed across the lot loudly. Delaney’s head whipping to the side with the force of the hit. Her hand came up to cover the red mark on her face as she spit the blood that formed in her mouth on the concrete. “Do not ever disrespect me like that. I am your Mother!” The shrill voice of her mum and the shouts of protest of every member of the club sounded like it was far away. Delaney didnt know what was happening. She had been hit harder than that before but for some reason it feels like her brain had been shaken against her skull. Fuck, she could take a hit but this was different. Something was wrong. “Baby?” Jax’s arms wound around her waist trying to steady her. She could see double and her ears felt like they were ringing. “Jax-” was all Delaney could mumble before she went limp in his Arms.

*1 HOUR LATER*

Jax paced up and down the hospital waiting room. “She really werent lying when she said her mom was a bitch.” Juice nodded in agreement at opies comment. “Do you mind? Me and my wife are right here!” Delaneys dad spoke up as her mum scoffed. “Do you think we give a shit? Look at how you’ve treated her. You’ve been here 5 fucking minutes and look at how much you upset her!” Gemma snapped. “You should’ve stayed your asses in England!” Delaneys mum Stood up and made her way to where Gemma Stood in the doorway, but before she could say anything Gemma laughed. “Just try it sweetheart. I am not your daughter. I will fuck you up.” Jax glared at his mother. “Will all of you shut the fuck up? My fiance is currently lying in a hospital bed and you guys fighting is not fucking helping!” Before anyone could say anything else the doctor appeared. “Im guessing your all here for Delaney?” Jax Stepped forward, “Please can i see her? She’s my fiance!” Delaneys mum scoffed loudly, “I am her mother, Linda. I should be the one to see her!” Jax and Gemma rounded on her. “YOUR THE FUCKING REASON SHES IN HERE!” The doctor shook his head at the group. “Look you all need to calm down otherwise i will have to ask you to leave the hospital. She’s been asking for Jax, Gemma and club members. Which im guessing is all you guys with the patches on. She has specifically stated that no one else is to enter her hospital room so if your not a patched member, or your name is not Jax or Gemma you need to leave.” Delaneys parents scowled but left the room without argument. Jax sighed in relief that they were gone. “So now thats dealt with. You can see her but we are just waiting on the result of one more test, as soon as that comes through i will be with you guys shortly.” Jax thanked the doctor then made his way towards Delaney’s Hospital room. Everyone pushed into the room, trying to be the one to get to her first.

Delaney Laughed as she watched Opie, Juice, Halfsack and Happy try to cram themselves through the doorway at the same time. “Get the fuck out of the way!” Juice gunted. “No move your fat ass i was here first.” Opie groaned as his shoulder got rammed hard against the door frame. “Both of you move out the fucking way. I’m her faveorite.” Happy shoulder barged his way through the small gap, sending juice flying forward onto the hospital floor. “Your all fucking idiots.” Jax snapped as he stepped over juice and rushed towards delaneys bed. “Hey babe, you gave me quite the scare.” Jax pressed a kiss to her forehead and smiled at her as he climbed onto the bed next to her. “Im sorry for scaring everyone. I dont know what happened, I think all the stress and worry these last few weeks have just caught up with me. I feel better now.” She tried her best to reassure everyone, but the doctor entering the room made everyone turn. “Do you want to speak in private?” The doctor asked Delaney but she shook her head. “No everyone here is Family.” Nodding his head, the doctor started to run through her test results as everyone listened carefully.

“So we tested you for a number of things, Miss Carter. And thankfully all the serious diagnosis have been ruled out, but i do want to check one last thing that could explain your fainting. How have you felt recently?” Delaney’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I’ve been fine really. Just tired, but i put that down to the stress of the fundraiser. and all the organising. I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night alot feeling sick but that is normal when my anxiety flares up.” The doctor nodded his head as he wrote notes on Delaney’s chart. “It does make sense. The fainting, the tiredness. Miss Carter, Your pregnant.”

#sons of anarchy imagine #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy fanfiction #Jax Teller #jax teller imagine #jax teller x oc #jax teller x reader #jax teller x female reader

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transbeeduo · 5 months

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ever since my fat cbee posts i have been on a roll [hi hello im the fat cbee anon here to say ive been sending so many anon asks its so funny but youve just got my brain rolling so much. 10/10 would anon again. always get addicted to my favorite blogs and send like 10 anons a week. dang it. i see a pattern.] anyway im not every single anon, but a chunk of em, yeah! love sending anons about my brain juices late at night and waking up and reading answers n stuff. always fun.

anyway hi can you imagine a Michael who is very much so malnourished when cbee first find him in the Nether. and like his ribs are showing and theres so many bones showing, which isnt a joke because he literally has a hole in his head where you can see his skull and see his bones n stuff. and when cbee takes him home Tubbo and Ranboo make sure to feed him so so much and food he enjoys and stuff. because Tubbo was malnourished as a kid and it was Not Fun. and Ranboo doesnt know much but they sure do know they dont like the look of rib cages peeking through skin and bony arms and gaunt faces [thats why they keep their fur long enough that it covers their ridges and bumps before they gain weight but also not too long because it is considered 'unruly' to have long fur, at least back when they were a child in the End (thats one of the only fragments they remember. think of it like the stigma around body hair on women/fem people.)]

and so eventually Michael starts gaining healthy weight, and all of a sudden, the bones that arent supposed to be visible through his skin [not the holes. hes part zombie i know but zombies aren't supposed to be really thin when someone is only part zombie.] and Tubbo and Ranboo have to find new dresses* and sweaters and pants n stuff for Michael because he's actually growing! i imagine he might be a bit stunted, not quite reaching his full height because of the lack of nutrients he had during a very important development stage for gods know how long, but he does grow, and thats all that matters. hes got healthy chub and hes not so fragile anymore.

*imagining cbee as parents who buy whatever clothes are cute and fit their children, completely ignoring the fact that dresses and skirts are traditionally girl clothes because have you seen the two. those are not cis and whoever thinks they are are silly. they let their children pick out whatever clothes they find cute and comfortable. so if Michael or Wizard or Bug [do Wizard and Bug even wear clothes... thats a weird question but i mean. only ever seen Bug with fur n stuff but no clothes.. whatever] wanna wear a pretty pink skirt or a t-shirt with monster trucks on it, cbee dont care. this is also partly because Tubbo and Ranboo werent entirely allowed to wear whatever they wanted when they were younger [mainly Tubbo but still] and they want their children to have to choice to pick

HAIIII ANON THIS ASK IS SO GOOD THANK YOU (also yes bug does infact wear clothing! Just their ref doesn’t have clothing LMAO i promise Beeduo give their kids clothing)

BUT YEAH THIS IS HONESTLY REALLY FUCKING CANON TO ME there’s NO way that Michael was getting properly fed in the Nether considering it was literally BY HERSELF and ALSO A BABY. And Tubbo would TOTALLY have that like “oh fuck i cant give this baby the same childhood of being malnourished that i had” thought yk (ranboo not realizing they’re malnourished makes me so sad but is so fucking accurate wow) this ask rules thank you

#michael uses all pronouns to me btw #asks #anonymous #ALSO YEAH C!BEE NOT CIS WOO

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purplewastelandchaos · 1 year

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"My Friend is an Illusion"

(SCHIZOPHRENIA)

I woke up the wind made me woke up,it tickles my feet cause it was cold i check the time it was 5:00AM "exactly"i thought,then go downstairs and drink water from the tap.i get the towel and shower,after that get my uniform and change then go to the kitchen to eat and saw my mom cooking "its delicious"noming the food in my mouth "of course that's my special dish" we giggles "don't forget wash the dishes when youre done"..MOM "of course" .

I get my bike to get ready to school "bye mom!!" "Yes honey ughh dont forget youre medicine"..mom " yes i got it".

"ohh shoot i forgot my phone" i rushed back home to get my phone.

Finally i arrived, its already 6:15AM when i arrived at school then i go to the parking lot to park my bike when i hear someone calling my name when i turn around i saw my bestfriend AKI walking towards me "eyy there cup cakes"AKI winked i cringed "stop calling me that-i nudge his arm-" HAHA-wanna tell you you do youre assignment?" " Already done mine-how about you?" "Same"..AKI

I so badly wanna tell him that i liked him but i kinda afraid his my bestfriend i cant lost his trust.

IN CLASS:

"Good Morning Class"..Mr.Stan "Good Morning Sir" everyone greet "i turn to Mr.Stan's way but i saw a beautiful girl " i bet she's new" i said "who?" Aki "the girl there-ipointed" "AKI laugh-where?"...AKI "just never mind" the girl sat across ours,"do MR.STAN forgot to intruduce her to us?

IN THE CAFETERIA

"iwant to eat this so badly,why does everyone's here?" "ohh be patient"...AKI i saw the girl eating quietly "there the right spot" "where?"..AKI i pointed the sit where that girl sitting "HI there, do you mind if we sat down beside you?" i asked "no,you can sit" she coldly said "uhmm,what's youre name by the way" "THALIA how about you?" "ARIANA, but you can call me ARIA" she smile it was the sweetest after that we became best of friend,it was strange that AKI only talk to me if thalia wasn't with me.

AFTER 4 YEARS

4 year past thalia and i were insepreble we do anything together until third year, we are not room and dorm,but we kept in touch and AKI and i were classmates then in the university we were,were throwing a party so called PROM NIGHT " are you coming?" thalia excitedly said" "of course" "how about you AKI?" "yes is you go"

GOING TO PROM

"where are you?"..AKI "im in the car now,see you there" then i hung up i was super excited i didn't realize a truck passing by and i crash in to it,everything went black.

IN THE HOSPITAL

i woke up i was in the hospital? "what happened?" " ohh honey youre awake!" mom walk up to me and hug me "are you ok aria?"..AKI "yes,answer me what happened and is thalia here does she know?" "you crash to a truck because youre going to prom its lucky that you survive and then AKI "yes honey"..nudge her head "wheres thalia is she here?" 'ariana -he sighed-thalia isnt a person not a human'.. AKI "what do you mean?" i asked with shocked "i'll explane,thalia is just youre illusion aria you have a condition that callled SCHIZOPHRENIA,you use you imagination to creat a people that only you can see,the doctor explain that you can only created this people if you are stress,you only see this things because miss youre father .he died from plane crash and you have broken down after that incident'...aki explained i cried tear flow down my cheeks "so is that why i see her?" "yes" aki quikly answered "you?,are you my illuision too?" i shouted and cried" "calm down honey,aki isn't i can see him'..mom calm me down.

AFTER 7 YEARS

i use to control my feelings over stress i dont see illusion anymore but they show when im stress AKI is my husband now "ARIA who are you talking to?" " uhmm no-nothing"

#schizophrenia #lovers #friends

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saturoslurper69 · 1 month

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alright you vultures here's your food

guy who idolized me *checks calendar* a year ago got his bubble popped when he realized all along he was an immature manchild to me.

in between the admissions hes paranoid and delusional, hes sending himself anonymous threats saying theyre from me. and people still buy it.

and now we got some new accusations under my belt. im jealous! im obsessive!

lmao. just lmao, your therapist or even worse your internet friends fucked with your head so hard you are Gone

i can sleep and hold, and love, a real man next to me, and i never had to settle on pretending id find a partner.

also, wasnt my main f/o for that fandom a woman? to the point ess and candide's ship was on google images? LOL

OH WAIT, in fact didnt a storyboard artist like my ship so much, and it fucked with you so bad you made vent art for it? hmm.

but IM jealous?? 2+2=5??

and wait didnt your lackey bark at me for thinking all this nonsense was over fandom shit? is it or isnt it? are you mad im an asshole or do you think im upset you....buy commissions? can y'all make up your mind on what we're upset over here? like im begging yall to realize the longer this drags on the more stupid and barrel scraping this shit is getting.

but its whatever, the cold truth, is the narrative of someone who physically disgusted me from day one to the point i had a sticky note over his pfp is hilarious, yeah bro ill get myself obsessed again when i eat some bad shrimp.

no really its very hard to look at when you cant get the time for anything about who you are unless my name is pulled, get a new gimmick.

and realistically, from the bottom of my heart, i do believe theres a third party sending these anons to fuck with us, to drag it on further. and hes giving them what they want because with this guy it is /guaranteed/ he will react and blow it out of proportion after all hes "like that" isnt he?

i know theres a cycle where I get asks I delete, then 2-3 days later, i get random shit in my inbox "are you going to doxx him? are you going to attack him? are you going to burn his crops!?" which triggers another scratch fight. of nothingness, nothing gets done. except what the people want, online adrenaline rush, clicking back and forth between our profiles shallow breathing whats gonna be posted next.

but even if its someone else sending these anons. i got a little file full of shit i never did since "was mean to me" didnt have enough oomph for a callout and frick frack and fuck comes out of the woodwork saying i called him a scammer or rigged him during an election idk, my comedic attittude about all this just emphasizes how much i dont care anymore.

but hey i can mark up the failed effort to get me kicked out of flight school and these anons i get talking about hurting my nephews and hoping my sister will overdose to him and his goons. fuck it why not. see how easy it is?

to state, amidst the chaos, i thought talking on a throwaway account, something i can do and do again nullified the purpose of ever needing anon. (i understand in saying this, could give the third party ideas, but i mean, the 3-4 online people i rarely talked to dont talk to me ever now so what else do you want from me, i dont know if this/these individual(s) are driven by some twisted moral standing or a sense of vigilantism but i promise, speaking from no place of emotion, youre doing more hurt to this guy fucking with him than you are making me worry about my online reputation)

i did Not use tumblr back then when any of this happened, not to mention anon hate has never been my style. im sorry but i have cooler ways to be a dick, you know this. i think its not hard to say "ess is loud, bold, aggressive, no filter, etc." at least acknowledge That as the truth and use it against me instead of whatever is happening here.

i went to his personal dms, fucked with his friends who tried to jump in, all using my name. i wasnt worried about people knowing it was me, i already knew it was too late and it didnt matter. trying to cover myself wouldnt have even been something i was concerned with because it was impossible. nor would i have cared really, at the time, i wanted everyone right then and there to know it was me and what i was doing, even on my main account i was going off.

this part i was trying to frantically explain, in a moment of vulnerability i will never Ever fucking allow myself to be put under again, it had been conveniently cropped out of the apology i sent to him. (yes, the one i took back, because if everyone hated it, bitched about me for not following the 10 commandments to an online apology and he genuinely didnt want it, why would i leave it up at that point. like seriously.

good thing i have the capacity to block, at this point its just a display over who needs that sweet online drama adrenaline for a sense fullfillment and who doesnt.

everyone in my life has told me "what can you do to him he hasnt done to himself" once i tell them the story and yeah....

yeah..

but yeah this message is for the keyboard squad but mainly for the fence sitters who stick by waiting for a conclusion or some form of closure. there isnt gonna be one. ive done all the work on my half creating better social spaces in real environments. i understand i wasnt great to someone. ONE. and ever since then ive been doing my work.

needless to say, im gonna parrot this, and say ive graduated flight school last month and ive found freelance work as a private aviatior, ive been talking to a therapist, am staying medicated, and ive built myself up and have become an active member in my community and will be looking into EMT training shortly so i can be a better street medic.

and im sorry, genuinely from the bottom of my heart, there are people who exist stuck in this time tunnel reliving the same day over and over. you can buzzword and slam your fists out of this and dig your heels in refusing the reality here, but ive wrote this understanding the audience this is talking too has no sense of rationality left. ive done my work, a fuckton of hard work after fucking up and hitting rock bottom and i cant let you nor your friend's inability to move on, doom me to being the same "evil" (that got a laugh from me) person.

im not scared of getting screenshotted, angry dms, anons, my posts analyzed with test tubes and beakers, take me to kiwifarms officer. this whole place could hate me and ill just go "youre all wrong, sorry"

in fact i dont even want an answer to any of these questions, this is just my final statement on the situation because im breaking this cycle. its not an 8 anymore, its a 0.

and as for the one which coat tailed this situation between me one and other person to try and dogpile the drama. our situation is entirely different from what happened here. like you can spread whatever narrative and half truths you need but you and i alone will only ever know the truth about what happened, and you can sleep on that. you have never been an afterthought to me outside of busting out laughing at a walmart whenever i see "anti-frizz" serum. i just hope you dont gotta go lay down after reading that.

#vent

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xx-neon · 1 year

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june 12th

i wanted to start writing because i feel like itll help me in some way, ive never really said anything i think or feel. i never really say anything at all.

if for some reason someone who isnt me reads this im sorry. itll be a lot of word vomit and just generally unpleasant so maybe dont read all of it lol. im going to try and not use lol beacuse i do that to lighten the mood.

anyway.

yesterday before i went to work i had this really strange feeling. it was this weird sense of nothingness and everything? i feel like thats how people feel before they die. like a weird calmness. i felt comfortable and okay with everything. so i felt nothing really when i googled if hanging yourself hurts, i have a rope and everything but i just wanted to make sure i wouldnt feel any more pain. in my head i thought it would be kinda like a slap to the face if i wanted to kill myself because of the pain and then the last thing i feel is pain ha.

anyway. i got really annoyed when all the results were for the suicide helpline. numbers to call, resources, texting lines everything. i just wanted to know. but then i gave up. as usual.

all day yesterday i was just planning on when id do it. i wanted to pick a good day. i remembered that i have to clean my apartment first, make sure my cat is fed, but then my friends birthday is coming up and i wanted to wish them a happy birthday, and i had plans to hang out with my friend, and then after that i had plans to hang out with another of my friends. i realized maybe im too busy to die and i really didn't want to disappoint anyone. so i just gave up on that thought. (i did see my friends i was supposed to see yesterday, and this guy bought my food and drinks which has never happened before which was really nice)

idk how i got here honestly. ive tried suicide before but obviously im writing so that didnt work. but before was different. i just went for it. i didnt think about it. i didnt plan anything i just went 1,2,3 go. i mean, i know how i got here. myself. if i wasnt such a fucking people pleaser maybe I'd have enough balls to be in a better place.

my ex and i officially broke up last week, and thats kinda where it all started. i know it sounds stereotypical but i dont want to die because of the breakup but because of the feelings that came after it. i really wanted to break up. it was my idea in the beginning. but it took him forever to just say “yeah i dont have any feelings so this is it”. it was like my ego took a flip. ive actually have never had someone say that to me. that sounds really uppity i know. but its true. in my head i thought “after all i did for you thats how you end it?”. and i really ruined my life for this guy. i quit my old job i did hate it tho, moved away from my friends and family, he got into an accident so i used all my money to take care of him and had to take off work, drove him everywhere bc he couldnt drive, etc. and what did i get in return? he cheated on me twice, treated me like shit, slammed a door in my face so hard it broke my glasses, tried to hit me. the relationship was so bad all im left with is alcoholism and an eating disorder. so honestly, good riddance.

he left me in a really, really bad place. i have to figure out where to live now since he just up and left. i dont have enough money to live on my own anymore. tbh i dont even want to write about it since it stresses me out so much. so i wont. ive just been drinking and going out to distract myself. not from him but like i said, the feelings that came after it. i want revenge, i want peace, i want him to apologize, i want him to never do this to anyone, and i just want to die. i dont have people to talk to about this stuff, i do but, i dont want to seem like an angry ex. i just want people to see the hurt that ive been through. i just want someone to tell me its going to be okay. that what i feel is normal. that people go through this all the time. i just want comfort.

im sure if i actually told anyone about this theyd be like “but you have me!! you have your family!! you have people who care about you!!”. and yeah i do. but when youre so far down a hole, you dont see the light at the top, just darkness. and probably dirt lol.

i cried for the first time today. since all of this happened i havent cried at all. my chest has been hurting so much since ive been holding it in. but the reason i started crying was kinda dumb. one of my old friends found me and reached out. he wanted to see how i was doing and what ive been up to. what was i supposed to say? “hey ive been horrible! just planning my suicide and and stuff ya know” but of course i couldnt say that so i just said ive been good. we caught up for a bit and thats when he said hes getting over a breakup that messed him up. so i took the bait and said yeah me too. he just said if you ever want to talk you can always call or text. so i just said thank you it means a lot and that things can only get better i guess. and idk why but thats when i started crying. he said

“theres so much good to come”

its so dumb but i felt like those words were just a giant warm blanket. especially with the head space that im in. obviously i could hear that from anyone. but hearing it from someone i haven't talked to in like 4 years meant so much more.

there are so many people who care about me. ive just been stuck dealing with my ex and only caring about what he had to think or feel. he never really cared about me like these people do. theyre concerned about me. they tell me to eat, they tell me theyre worried about my drinking, they dont want me to be out alone, they want to make sure im okay.

so fuck my ex. fuck him and anyone who thinks hes a good person. hes such a manipulative piece of shit. no one really knows what ive been through. no one knows how hes left me. no one knows about the cheating. no one knows about the abuse. they know nothing. im sure hes talked about me. im sure hes told them how i have a hard time showing feelings. im sure hes told them.. i dont even know. hes probably pulled something out of his ass. and they probably feel so bad for him. i hope they do. and i hope one day they feel just as stupid as i do.

i just had to get my anger out.

but my friend is right i think. maybe there is good to come. ive decided to stick around to find out.

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milhazel · 2 years

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TW ED basically diary entry of v intrusive thoughts these may or may not apply to you and if they do I’m truly sorry you also have felt this way before plz take the time to focus on yourself and your mental well being <3

unfortunately my brain has finally become overly saturated with thinspo pics I need real life painful and traumatic encounters w skinny women to finally have the motivation to get where I want to be… I need a real life ed friend who doesn’t know I’m also struggling so I can go undercover n shiii. The thing is I get these everyday but the hate that festers inside me towards them because their standard is so excruciatingly hard to achieve that my ed flips a switch and goes hinge mode on me then I hate myself the next day fall into imposter fasting mode (only eating when no one is around to feel like I didn’t eat or make sure they don’t see me eating out of pure embarrassment) or genuinely fasting for a good max of 12-14 hours only to feel that same hatred again and binge.

like you know what I mean the pictures just don’t help me not binge anymore I always resort to feeling angry towards ppl who look like that and saying fuck them im eating yknow, like there’s a little voice in there fighting for me but it’s not the kind of voice you pity it’s the kind that’s desperate to keep you alive but you just don’t want it to it’s so frustrating I cant turn it off anymore without having someone say something mean to me or seeing other ppl in my life lose weight, I know we’re all supposed to be pro recovery but the only thing recovery has brought me is more pain and more grieving over my ed where I use it to characterize how I was as a person wishing I was that version of myself again with that same mentality, it’s freeing to know that I was once like that so in reality there’s hope that I go back down that direction, all I need is that silly little trigger that’ll eventually kill that voice and keep me from caring about being fed so often I DONT NEED TO SURVIVE LITERALLY CAPITALISM IS MAKING ME THINK SO HARD AN WHEN I EAT AND WHAT TO EAT NEXT WHY CANT I REALIZE THAT THE FOOD ISNT GOING ANYWHERE AND THAT I WONT DIE IF I DONT EAT EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY

I basically live w my bf at this point and never have my groceries at his place so I never rly ate around him all the time, but now I recently started bringing my food in preparation for being there for days at a time and it’s almost surprising to him when I eat, as if he has this notion that I shouldn’t be eating with all of this fake worrisome looks when I say I’m not hungry then not doing anything about it. Idk if I’m going crazy if I’m delusional or I’m just overthinking and being naive but I stg he looks at me w disgust and wishes he had someone more attractive, I feel like his friends make comments with all their single asses going out and fucking college whores every other day while they claim that they “like” this one girl they met and like spending time with her, sometimes the people he surrounds himself with disgust me and he doesn’t see a problem, either that or he’s just part of the problem :) irdk what to think anymore and Ik I’ve said this on here before while using this as my private diary but I rly mean it this time I don’t know what to think or how to feel I feel like I’m constantly being tricked and made fun of and judged and have expectations over my head that I simply just cannot reach with the mindset that’s growing in me right now and NOBODY sees this literally NOBODY then I get blamed for my lack of communication when it’s so clear as fucking day that there is no way all of what I endure is going unnoticed I just need to fast and turn my brain off for a while, reclaim the life I’m going for without naive respect for everyone around me to the point where I literally leave myself behind. I told you I suffered from bulimic thoughts and actions over the past summer and cried in your arms told you that I was lacking confidence and always feeling like a convenient option what more can I do to communicate this to you

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purrble-archive · 2 years

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holy shit i went the entire day without eating anything proper wahtt h fuck is wrong with me

#NOT okay bhavior #like i woke up and had like the fucking crumbs of eggs left from whatever they made and lik two... small pieces of ... breakfast bread idk #and then hpoiurs HOURS HOURS HOOURS LATER which #was like an hour or two ago #i had takis and dr pepper #um my stomach is killing me literally #i dont knw i dont feel comfortable going out in the living room to get food anymore #my moms bfs incessant complaints when hes mad at my mom'#about like how im ungrateful and dont do shit i guess its getting to me subconciously #to where just getting food isnt a thought in my head anymore i dont know #but this is not okay im gonna make a fucking.#sandwhich or something or make the last of those dinosaur chicken nuggets but fuck im so hungry #grr.txt

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rustys-lodge · 2 years

Note

Heyoo

So would you be willing to write a sister Winchester fic where the reader has like short hair since forever and she wants to cut it shorter and asks for the brothers permission and doesn't want it the next day because she got bullied at school for "not being feminine" And "looking like a boy"?? And the brothers just make her feel better and more confident?abd then she does end up having a cut?.idk if this makes sense but I've sort of struggled with stuff like this abd it would mean a lot to me if you actually wrote it❤thanks

"I dont think i want it anymore."

------

"I want to cut my hair shorter. Can i ? You asked the boys as you filled a spoonfull of salad into your mouth.

Dean froze for a second before his eyes traveled from his plate to yours. "No. Because of that rabbit food you're filling up your beautiful stomach with."

You snorted. You did not expect that answer.

"Of course, buddy." Sam shrugged "You dont need to ask."

-------

"What ?" Dean cocked his head to the side.

"Dont want it anymore ? Why ? You seemed pretty excited about it yersterday ?" A confused Sam made his way into your room.

"Yesterday ?" Dean scoffed. "She's been having high strung for the past 24 hours." Dean stated, following Sam before he sat on the edge of the bed, like he always does. "Whats wrong ?"

You sighed as your shoulders loosened. You knew you couldn't lie to them.

You faltered towards your bed, following Dean's command as he tapped on the edge of the bed .

Sam pulled out your desk chair and turned it towards you.

"You can trust us. And we can tell something's up. " Sam affirmed and you sighed the frustration out.

Your fingers fidgetted unconsciously as memories from school started flashing before your eyes.

You could always feel the eyes of the people around you burning holes through your skull. You couldn't read their minds but you could see it in their eyes.

"Hey"

A gentle hand on your shoulder shook you out of your thoughts.

"Its just...the people at my school they're really mean. They've always been. I don't know if i can take up more of their b-..bullshit"

Both men quieted while you just stared down at the ground.

"Why didnt you tell us, y/n ? What do they say ?"

Sam shuffled his chair closer to you but you shut up from the bed. "They say i look like a boy...Like im not feminine ?" You were about to start pacing the room but a hand caught yours, stopping you.

"Y/n who cares what th-"

"I do !" You interrupted Dean, pointing at yourself. What a question..

"Hey..." His voice softer, he continued. "You really think those sons of bitches are in their right minds ? That's all people do. They judge...whether you have long hair, short hair...whether you look too masculine...too feminine...People are always going to talk." Your brother's fingers gently curled around your shoulders. "You dont need to listen to anyone...You are feminine, i mean, 'fuck do they know, right ?" He bend his knees down to get a better look of your face.

Not entirely convinced, you turned your head towards Sam, waiting for him to speakn

"Yeah, fuck do they know ?" As he didn't expect you to turn to him, he mirrored Dean, causing a giggle to escape your lips. "You gotta do whatever makes you happy, darling. If shorter hair's going to make you happy, then you cut it off."

As Dean pulled away, Sam dragged you towards your mirror. You kept your gaze down at the ground but since he was standing right behind you, he easily took hold of your face and gently pulled it up.

"Look"

You hesitated.

"Who set those stupid rules ? Who said that short hair is not feminine ? Have you ever seen a rule on a book that said that short hair isnt feminine ?"

You thought about it for a second...Fucking no one. I mean...I'd kill to see that book.

"Exactly" Sam continued, as if he could read your mind.

He slightly pushed you to the side and lifted your head up to look at him.

"You're beautiful the way you are. And you have to do what makes you happy." He shook your face with every word, causing that supressed laugh out of you. "Okay ?" He shook your face again.

"Yeah" you murmured. "'Fuck do they know ?"

"'Fuck do they know ?" Sam raised his voice. And you did too.

"Yeah ! F-"

"Alright, that's it." Dean cut you off, obviously getting annoyed with the swearing. At least you enjoyed it while it lasted.

______

"You're done, honey" the hairdressed flashed you a smile before taking the cape off of you. You looked at yourself in the mirror, before noticing Sam, who was standing by the door.

You turned around, bouncing up in excitement. " what do you think ?"

"What do you think ?"

"I love it." You grinned, earning a chuckle from Sam.

"Well...That's all that matters."

________

Hellooo ! I hope you like it and i hope you're done with people's bullshit because it's true, it shouldn't matter what they think as long as whatever you're doing makes YOU happy. Please let me know if you liked it. 🖤🖤🖤🌹🌹🌹

#dean winchester #sam winchester #dean winchester x sister #sam winchester x sister #dean winchester x sister!reader #sam winchester x sister!reader #little winchester #winchester sister #sister!reader #winchester sister requests

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minahoeshi · 3 years

Text

you were loved the most of all.

Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader | break-up angst

summary: You should've known that when Ushijima Wakatoshi found it easy to fall in love with you, it might be even easier for him to fall out of it. But who expects the worst when it comes to loving someone as seemingly perfect as him, anyway?

Chapter 1 of 2

Chapter 2 of 2

He said it was easy to fall in love with you. He said he didn’t know when exactly, at which place, nor for what reason. Simply one day, Ushijima Wakatoshi found himself looking at you with the epiphany that maybe there’s something more meant to happen between you and him. There you stood before him that day, the person he could promise love to. (And there he stood before you that moment, the boy whose promises you found yourself believing in no matter what.)

So maybe that’s why it was even easier for him to fall out of love. When he told you he was no longer in love with you, it didn’t matter to you to ask when exactly, at which place, or for what reason. Even the universe itself is meant to fizzle out one day along with the death of the stars. Just one more person drifting away from you like a lone planet with no real orbit shouldn’t leave you broken. You are used to this. You won’t fall apart.

But you break anyway.

It was snowing outside when he decided to tell you to end things now before it hurts both of you even further. Not that the snow has anything to do with the coldness creeping up your chest threatening to spill out of you in endless sobs. You were glad, though. That at the very least, he remained honest with his feelings. He never left you guessing. Every time, he never forgets to tell you what’s on his mind. His honesty is something he thought was necessary.

“I understand, don’t worry. Thank you for telling me right away. I know you’re also considering me–” you tell him and choke up. There are tears running down your face but you’re not worried about that. Wakatoshi never let you mask your emotions around him. For the longest time, he reminded you to feel free to be completely bare with him. All the good and the bad, he said. Don’t be afraid to show them to me. I will always understand.

He steps closer and puts you between his arms. You feel his chin on top of your head as you lean your face into his chest. You’re sobbing now. “I’ll be fine, Toshi. We’ll be fine.”

He kisses the top of your head and lets you stay in his arms for minutes. “I loved you then, and I love you still. It’s just that they’re no longer the same kind. I will stay if you ask me to, okay? Anything you want.”

This only makes you cry harder. He’s always been too good. And even in breaking your heart, he’s too good. You want him to hold on. You want to ask him to stay with you for years and years. Even with a different kind of love, you’ll let him be as long he’s close by. But someone like him who has dreams beyond yourself shouldn’t ever be with someone like you who still lacks certainty toward anything.

“Just for tonight,” you ask, still crying. “Can I stay?”

“of course,” he replies. Anytime you want. Anything you want. It has always been this way.

Because humans are creatures of routines and familiarity, you spend that night the way you usually do when you’re at his place. You cook dinner with him and eat on the dining table, sharing stories and laughter. You keep adding food to his plate and he smiles as you giggle at everything you find funny.

It’s okay, it’s okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.

You clean the kitchen and stay in the living room. He leans on the couch as you lay down with your head on his lap. You keep talking and laughing. He goes along, sometimes adding things to make you laugh even more, sometimes simply agreeing, sometimes asking questions. You keep it loud and light, afraid of the silence. Inside you, it’s so heavy, your heart might just fall off. This will be the last, you tell yourself. You want to be happy for now. While he’s still here.

"Do me a favor, okay?" You tell him as you're nearing slumber. "Let me leave first tomorrow. Maybe stay in bed, maybe pretend you're asleep. But tomorrow, don't get out of the room until I've left the house." Your voice shakes, feeling yourself wanting to sob.

"I don't want to wake up to another empty bed but I don't want to see your face when I wake up too," you curl into him even further. "I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry I still don't really know what to do. And I know you wake up pretty early and you know, do stuff, but just for tomorrow, please?"

Wakatoshi didn't really understand why. He originally planned on cooking breakfast for you and taking you to the train station. He would watch you board the train and he'd make sure to smile at you as he waves. You always waved back. That's how it works. Even after fights, and even after especially bad nights, you'd still do the same. Watching you leave with a smile was how you both knew you'd still be fine the days after. That nothing much can affect your relationship. For years, this has been the routine.

But tomorrow, he knows he has to give way. He knows what he said hurt you. It would be wrong of him to do what he wants simply because he's used to.

Tomorrow's the last, he realises. And then if you want, he'd never see you again.

You wake up pretty early. The sky is a calm shade of blue, the world outside still waking up. You check the time on your phone and find it's 6 AM. Last night, you slept with your back on him. The sight before you is the other end of his bedroom and you notice just how much of yourself you've managed to leave around his place. Pieces of just one other person in his life, scattered in places around his world pretending that’s just where they belong. You didn't mind leaving things behind back then. You never really thought of the day that you might’ve to take back all of them. Just how does one pick up parts of themselves when they thought they’ve finally found a place for them to stay?

But as you stand up, you conclude that when things end, traces shouldn’t be left behind. He didn’t decide to break up only to be reminded of you even after you’re no longer close to him. So you go and pick every little thing that's yours. Even your jacket and sweaters and a few pairs pyjamas in his closet. You'll just take his things from your place too and hand it to Tendou's shop. Coming back here won’t do you any good. Him coming to your place instead wouldn’t either.

Collecting all your things, even the ones you can't use anymore, you leave the bedroom and enter the living room. You don't have many belongings here aside from some DVDs and books. You only take the books and leave the rest for him. You've always preferred reading anyway.

Setting your bag and things aside on the sofa, you go ahead and wash yourself in the bathroom and bring your toothbrush and some other products with you when you're done. You then head to the kitchen to cook him something light to eat for breakfast . You knew you didn't have to. He knows how to cook. It has always been him cooking breakfast for you. When you could, you’d rather stay in bed until the very moment you must start preparing to go to uni or work. But you did anyway. He's probably in his bed, awake. He has never been a heavy sleeper. With all the moving you did around his room, he was bound to wake up if he wasn't already.

You make him a simple omelette and write a small message on top of it with ketchup. "Good luck with practice today!"

You've already cleaned everything you used, preferring to wash and set utensils as soon as you're done with them. That way, when you're sitting down to eat, there won't be any cluster around to distract you.

You put the ketchup down and decide that should be enough. You'll stop here. You should go now.

Ushijima is sitting on his bed. He's been awake since 5 AM when he usually goes on his run. It isn't the first time he chose to stay with you instead of going out, but he can't help but feel heavy this time. He stayed in for you. But as the minutes pass by, it seems that he simply cannot find the courage to sit up and face you.

He wants to sink into his bed.

There's knock on the door followed by sentences uttered softly. "Toshi, I'm going now. There's breakfast on the table. Make sure to eat before you go."

There goes the heavy feeling again. Maybe if this keeps up, he might just actually sink and never get back up.

You've done that a few times. Leaving while he's still in the room. You don't even open the door. You simply knock and tell him you're about to go, always reminding him to eat before he goes too.

But this will be the last, he thinks. If you leave now, will he never see you again?

a/n

chapter 2 will be up soon not rly sure when tho. (it's up now the link is at the top)

also, im not entirely sure but i think i didnt use any pronouns or gendered nouns for this except "girl" in the 1st paragraph which i erased just now? if i'm right, then i hope everyone reading this get to feel as though theyre rly the person in the story. unless ofc u dont want that bc this isnt the happiest ushitoshi x reader fic u can find🥲. but thanks for reading!!!! m so sorry for typos nd other errors as well. i kinda cant read my own writings bc sometimes doing so makes me wanna smack myself in the head and never write again nd i hate that so now im leaving my mistakes to the gods nd hope they love me enough or smth. but yes thank u sm again for reading!!!!

#ushijima x reader #ushijima scenarios #ushijima angst #ushijima fanfic #ushijima reader insert #ushijima x y/n #ushijima wakatoshi

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tomdiddlyumptious · 3 years

Text

T.H| Just Hurry up Please

summary: honestly coochie be bangin

warnings: shaving? A very talkative thomas and a pregnant women

a/n: i just read back in my messages and i swear these people lift me up so much, i love all of you who keep giving me complements and etc, i love all of you honestly.

“THOMASSS!” you yelled from the room, currently seven weeks pregnant and craving fruit snacks and mini Oreo packs, it made him confused and ask why the mini packs if they all taste the same, they simply do not.

“yes darling!” he got up and walked to the room, you sighed and lifted yourself up to the headboard before speaking. “i need you to do me a huge favor”

“if you want me to get you food it isnt a favor” he gently laughed before leaning against the door with his arms crossed. “no i need you to shave me” you simply said and his face dropped. “as innnnnnnn?” he took his hand and pointed south, “if you dont wanna do it you dont have to!-”

“nonononnono wheres the razor” he asked, quickly walking into the bathroom and looking on the counters and in the shower “its uhhhhh-” you snapped your fingers three times “its in the drawer nearest to the right wall!” you said and he nodded, walking to the wall and opening the drawer. “no these are where the towels are!- wait nevermind i went to the wrong wall” he rolled his eyes at his stupidity and went to the other wall, bending down and opening the drawer revealing all of your feminine products but he only grabbed the pack and opened it. taking one out and exiting the bathroom and coming back to you.

“i havent shaved in three months tom, its gonna get complicated down there” you warned him and only chuckled “oh im sure i know everything about heavens” “did you just call my vagina heavens?” “yeah?” you cringed at him before telling him to grab a towel, non scented soap, a squirt bottle and a plastic cup of water, plus a pair of scissors and a little small toothed comb.

“im not giving surgery, right?” he asked, looking at the small table that he set everything on. “you- shut up” you pointed at him before laying down. your pants are off and the two towels, your sitting on them. tom pushed the blankets to his side of the bed so the main focus is you. “alright, get in position”

“position?” tom asked, looking away confused. “As if your, gonna, ya know!” “ohhhhh” he separated your legs and laid on the bed, eye level with your clothed hood.

“are you ready?” “yes y/n” “pull them off” tom hasnt looked their in what felt like years. so he was excited and eager to pull them off, but when he did his face stood in shock “thomas, stop. your pissing me off” “sorry i didnt expect id be in the jungle” he spaced off, looking up at you as you gave...that look.

“whats the next step please!” “take the comb and the scissors please” you said, watching as he nodded and reached his arm over and grabbed the items. “you are going to give me a trim, okay?” his jaw dropped at your words “a...trim?”.

you sighed as you let your head rest on the pillow “i swear im not having sex with him ever again” you whispered “WAIT WHAT??? NONONONONONO IM GIVING YOU A TRIM” he quickly got to work, combing through the hairs before cutting them neatly, his tongue poking out the side of his lips as he tried all of the different ways. “Stop playin!” you yelled and he glared at you “your gonna make me stab you on accident!” “mhmm, accident you say?” he rolled his eyes and chuckled before cut more.

“so how do i clean this up?” “did you get the inside?” his eyes widened. “You grow hair inside-” “no tom we dont, move the lips” you ordered, looking as he moved your lip to the side “this is so strange” he muttered to himself, “be careful, i swear if you hurt me-” “i wont!” he took his other hand and replaced his current one pushing the lip away and took the scissors to carefully cut the hairs before repeating on the other side.

“take the soap and use the water to lather it up” you said and he followed, he lathered it up before placing it down. “okay now spread it on there” “like in between?” “no no, just above it” he placed the soap on the skin, the soft hairs against his hand as he rubbed it in, small circles all over. “open them more please” he said, and you followed. he got your bikini line “now the razor”

he picked it up “im scared y/n” “your doing good tom, just do swipes, go up then down, then to the side” “alright, i think i got that” he sighed, “and pull my stomach up!” “what?” “push the skin up” you took his free and used it to push up your stomach skin. “like that, okay?” “alright” he groaned before swiping gently up, he did it but avoided one place.

“god damn” he talked to his self, using the squirt bottle to rinse away the hair. “i feel like i should get an award, how ling have we been here for?” “about an hour” “AN HOUR? y/n im not ever doin this again, i can barely see” “keep talking shit” “shit atleast im being honest babe, i feel like i just gained 300 worth of muscle trying to shave this thing” “alright imma fuck you up” “im just sayin” he shrugged, dramatically wiping his forehead while you just starred at him.

“im telling my kids they father was a very lazy man” “i get up like 78 times a day just to get YOU food, whos lazy?” he said, biting his tongue as he got the bikini line. “exactly, so be quiet before i bite it” “bite what?” your eyebrows furrowed. “oh you know exactly what im talking about, now let me focus”

when he was done he helped you in the shower, rinsing off all the hair he couldnt get and you looked in the mirror “really? a land strip?” you said, both starring at the line of hair. “yeah i thought we could get matching ones” he shrugged. “you want me to do yours?” you asked looking at him and he nodded. “it shouldnt take an hour....right?” “uhmmmm no”

“AHHH” he screamed. “WHAT THE FUCK?” you giggled at his yelling. “sorry! but we gotta get this done!” “why the wax? why not the fucking razor?” he yelled in lowercase, you only shrugged before pulling the other side some and he screamed at the top of his lungs. “NO STOP IM NOT DOING IT ANYMORE” he pushed your hand away “tom its the last one...pleaseeee!” you begged, looking at the strip. “i gain all sex privileges back then, deal?” you dramatically thought about it before he smacked his lips and slapped your hand away “ALRIGHT ALRIGHT-” you quickly pulled the paper off and he screamed again. “OHHHH MY FUCKINGGGG GODDD Y/N” he starred at you while you tried to hold in your laughs. “it looks pretty” you choked out before you broke out laughing him still starring at you. “i have to put on some oil first!” picking up the tea tree oil and rubbing it on your finger tips before putting it on him, a sigh of relief leaving his lips as he tilted his head back.

“see! all happy a good now arent cha?” you giggled. “im never doing that again, y/n” “lets go look!” you took his hand and pulled him back into the bathroom, you both stood in silence as you tried posing, his area still slightly red as his penis was just in the air, sitting there. “yeah never again, period” “since when do you say period, thomas?” “since you waxed off my skin” “it was your idea!” “and i regret every minute of it, its only gonna grow back” you glared at him as he gave you a blank stare. “just put on your clothes” “exactly what i was about to say!”

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland x black!reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland x pregnant!reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland au

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bridgyrose · 3 years

Text

Ruby chuckled a bit as she watched Penny shove forkful after forkful of food into her mouth, practically moaning after each bite. “You should slow down. If you eat to fast-”

Penny started coughing after a bit, trying to dislodge a chunk of meat that got stuck. “H-how… how do you do this?”

“By eating slowly and taking your time. But humans arent meant to eat that quick.” Ruby sat down next to Penny, giving her a soft smile. “I know you’re getting a lot of new sensations, but its okay to take things slowly.”

Penny nodded, feeling her heart start to beat faster as she looked at Ruby in her own body. She wasnt fond of the idea of having feelings for her own body, but knowing it was Ruby… She looked away and blushed a bit, putting a hand to her cheeks as she felt her face warm up. “R-right. Maybe… maybe you can help do this right. I mean, if I have to be you for right now-”

“Of course I will,” Ruby replied, gently picking up the fork and knife and trying not to break them. “Besides, your father told us we need to try to keep others from noticing what’s going on. If they ever find out-”

“Find out what, Penny?”

Ruby nearly jumped as she turned around, giving a nervous smile to Ciel. “O-oh, you know, just… spending a bit of time with my girlfriend.”

“And you’re approximately-” Ciel pulled out her pocket watch and let out a sigh. “-an hour late for our training session. I’ve been looking around all over for you.”

Penny flinched a bit, not realizing that she had forgotten about the training session with everything that had gone on. “Right, I should get-”

Ruby quickly covered Penny’s mouth, giving a nervous chuckle. “I’m sorry, I had forgotten all about it. A uh… mission came up and ‘R-Ruby’ and I were needed to clear out grimm.” A hiccough escaped her mouth, causing her to immediately put a hand to her mouth in slight embarrassment. “It will not happen again. I’m sure we could reschedule-”

Ciel grabbed the back of “Penny’s” shirt and started dragging her off to the training room. “We do not have time to reschedule this. It’s unlike you to forget about something you had promised, but we’ll make up for the lost time.”

Penny sighed as she watched Ruby get dragged off, slumping a bit in her seat. “I will have to make this up to Ruby.” She stood up to follow, only to be stopped by a hand on her shoulder.

“And where do you think you’re going, Runt?” asked Harriet. “You and I have a training mission scheduled.”

Penny paused for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. She very well couldnt tell Harriet that she wasnt Ruby, mostly because she knew Harriet wouldnt believe her, but that would also be throwing Ruby under the proverbial bus. But she couldnt exactly say she was Ruby because that wasnt exactly true either. “I… am needed by the General-”

“Wrong answer, kid.” Harriet deployed her weapon, using the exo-skeleton arms to pick “Ruby” up and drag her away for the mission. “You said you wanted to work on your speed and now’s the best time to do so.”

Penny struggled to get free, no longer feeling the strength her other body had given her. She gave up after a few seconds of struggling, letting out a heavy sigh. “I… alright…”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

General Ironwood pinched the bridge of his nose as he looked over what was left of the experimental rocket that was supposed to get Amity just enough altitude to send a message to the rest of the world. “Let me get this straight: you destroyed this in order to free it from a geist that had made it part of its body?”

Weiss looked away, hesitating for a moment as she tried to get her words together. “W-well, it wasnt exactly… us…”

“There was already some sort of explosion from the dust.” Blake pulled out her scroll and showed a few pictures of the site she took. “Considering what Ruby and Penny had gone through, we’re pretty sure the rocket was the cause of the explosion.”

Ironwood nodded and let out a sigh, turning away from the rocket and looking out the window behind his desk. “And how are Miss Polendina and Miss Rose doing? They’re still recovering, correct?”

Yang nodded. “They’re both recovering but I’m not sure they’re fit for combat right now. Still a bit shaken up from the explosion and Ruby has a wound in her side-”

“Then I’ll let Doctor Polendina know that he has full access to anything he needs to get them both back on their feet. We need Amity to work if we’re going to defeat Salem. And when you see Ruby, send her up to my office.”

“Y-yes sir.” Yang took a deep breath and started walking out of Ironwood’s office, her prosthetic shaking a bit.

Blake noticed and gently took her hand to try to keep her calm. “Everything’s going to be alright. You said it yourself, Ruby and Penny are recovering-”

“That’s not it.”

Weiss looked at Yang curiously. “Then what is it?”

Yang quickly moved Blake and Weiss to a quiet spot in the hallway, making sure no one was listening in. “Ruby and Penny arent… exactly themselves anymore.”

Blake sighed. “You’re going to have to explain what you mean. Did something happen to make them lose their memories?”

“N-no, they’re literally not themselves.” Yang hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right words. “They uh… their minds are… switched.”

Weiss blinked a couple times, keeping a straight face as she spoke up. “They… switched minds?”

“I know it sounds crazy but Ruby is Penny and Penny is Ruby. I… I dont know how it happened but it had to be something in that explosion with that rocket. You saw the dust and even you couldnt recognize some of it.”

Weiss thought back to the geist they saw, trying to remember what dust was attached to it. There was plenty she knew she recognized, but then again, some of the dust didnt reflect the light quite right. Almost like they shined in a kaleidoscope of colors…

Blake shook her head and started walking back to the dorms. “I’m sure you’re just imagining-” She stopped in her tracks as “Penny” flew through the wall, nearly hitting her.

“Penny” rubbed the back of her head, letting out a sigh. “How does she control these things…?” She turned her head and smiled as she saw her team. “Hey guys… er… I mean… Sal-u-tations! Did you find the rocket?”

Blake and Weiss both turned to stare at Yang, who had a smug smile on her face.

“Yeah, we found it.” Yang walked over to help “Penny” up, shaking her head and keeping her voice in a low whisper. “I thought you were supposed to be trying to keep a low profile until we figured out how to fix this, Rubes.”

“I’m sorry but there isnt exactly an instruction manual-”

“*Manual download commencing,*” chimed a voice in Ruby’s head.

Ruby paused for a moment as letters and data flashed in front of her eyes, filling her mind with everything she needed to operate her new body. “Okay… nevermind. Guess there is one.”

Weiss slowly walked closer. “R-Ruby? Is that really you in there?”

Ruby instinctively saluted to Weiss, giving a smile. “Ruby Rose reporting for duty. Now if you will excuse me, I need to show Ciel that I’m combat ready!” Without a delay, Ruby rushed back to the training room, letting her floating array out and using it to guide herself through the walls.

Blake hesitated as she watched, slowly raising a finger. “Should… we be concerned?”

Yang nodded, turning around to thead to Peitro’s lab. “We should let Pietro know what’s going on.”

#rwby #ruby rose #rwby ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #penny polendina #james ironwood #ciel soleil #harriet bree #drabbles #bodyswap au #nuts and dolts #ruby x penny

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honeypirate · 3 years

Text

Flower in the Sun

AU where Beni has a mom (I don’t know if he doesn’t I just know about his adoptive father/master)

Benimaru x Fem!Reader

Not edited don’t hate me for the many mistakes

5.5k words

You tried to focus on the celebration, tried to let go of all the stress you felt right now, but it was difficult considering you JUST moved here less than a year ago, opened your shop in town and lived above it, and now your whole apartment/shop was obliterated. back to basically square one for who knows how long.

You sat by the edge of the celebration, chewing on your lip as you thought about your options. You’d have to move your shop back to the barn on the gardens you have outside of town but you didn’t get as much business that way.. plus you can’t really sleep there. You could move back in with your mother but she lived near company 3 and baked them a cake every sunday, your sisters family lived in the Shinjuku District but they were holy sol nuts and you really didn’t want to have to ask them of all people. So the barn was the only real option right now, no bed but at least it has a roof and a door with a lock. A voice cuts through your thoughts and you pay attention when you realize it belongs to Benimaru

‘If I wrecked your house last night feel free to stay at the guardhouse until it’s fixed. It won't take too long.” you felt a weight lift off your shoulders as you watched those without homes gather around him for details, you pick yourself up and walk over to the group so you could hear what to do.

At the guard house you are directed to a small room at the back since you were just one person and not a family. You didn't mind that it was a small space or that you were farther away from anyone else, you were just grateful you could stay in Asakusa and keep your business running. You are told that you can help yourself to breakfast in the morning and dinner will be served for everyone at night and you were given a few essential toiletries.

When you are certain that everyone else staying there had used the showers, you gave it some extra time so that the hot water will replenish before you made your way silently down the quiet halls of the guard house.

You walk past a door that was open, you glance as you walk by and see Benimaru help bandage Konro, the sight brought a small smile to your lips as you continued your course to the showers.

Their conversation after you passed went something like this

“Waka”

“I saw her”

“She's beautiful. You should..”

“No”

Konro sighs “if you don't, maybe I wilL”

“You’re such a pain in the ass”

Your shower was amazing, they really spared no expense on the quality of shampoo and conditioner. You were so glad to not smell like smoke anymore as you changed into a new set of clothes, they were too big and just a fire force soldier shirt and jumper, but you didn't care. They were clean and comfortable. You folded your dirty clothes into a small stack and carried it back to your room, making a mental note to run to the clothing store in the next few days.

The next morning you are up at dawn, walking through the still quiet hallways towards the kitchen. You get warm in the baggy jumpsuit so you undo it halfway and tie the arms around your waist before you open the doorway. Inside there is a long table with different foods set out and at the end is Benimaru and Konro. You bow to them “thank you for letting me stay” you say, your voice as quiet as the morning. “I’m sorry for destroying your home.” Benimaru says and you rise, a smile on your lips as you make your way farther into the room before kneeling down in front of the table across from Konro.

“You’re Y/N L/N who owns the herb and flower shop” Konro says, recognizing you now that you were up close. You nod and reach out, grabbing some bread “yes I am, although my shop will now be run from the gardens just outside of town until it is rebuilt. My herb garden was on top of my apartment building so some special herbs will be out of stock for a while” you laugh and rip a piece of bread and put it in your mouth. “There is a garden behind the guardhouse that is hardly used, feel free to plant whatever you like” Benimaru says and you blush before bowing your head “thank you very much Captain Shinmon.” He frowns and Konro chuckles under his breath “just call me Benimaru” he says and you nod “of course. Benimaru” you notice the sunrise outside and stand again “thank you again, for breakfast as well” you say with a bow before leaving the room, your unfinished bread in your hand to finish on your way to the gardens. you had to set up your new shop in the barn on the flower farm you made sure to leave as early as you could since that would take a while, good thing you had one employee to help you, your close friend Jo.

One eye like a bullseye and one like an X. you couldn’t look away from him even if you wanted to. Here he was, in your shop, pursuing the already made bouquets you had made that morning and the potted plants Jo had taken care of. You watched him talk to Jo for a second from your spot at the back counter, before resuming his shopping.

You could hear Jo next to you saying your name but it didn’t register that she was talking to you until she walked in front of your vision “huh?” you ask and she glares “huh?! I have been practically shouting at you for the past five minutes. Could you take your eyes off of the Captain for a second please?” your cheeks turn red as you look down sheepishly “sorry Jo” you whisper and she laughs at you then says “he’s actually looking for you, oh flower master” you gasp and look up into her eyes “WHAT?” you practically shout and then crouch down behind the counter when you see his head turn. Your coworker leans over the side and says “and he’s coming this way now. good job dummy” before she leaves “fuuuck” you whisper and panic, how are you going to okay this off? “didn’t know you hated me this much y/n. Is it because I destroyed your home?”

You dip your head back to look up at his face which is now looking over at you as he leans over the counter. His facial expression was uninterested but he had curious eyes. His voice was monotone, like he had way more things to be doing than this mediocre errand. You pop to your feet, your face feeling like 100 degrees. “No!! I mean yes! I mean!Ugh” you sigh and close your eyes, stealing a moment before opening your eyes, a customer service smile and voice when you say “no, I dont hate you. Sorry i'm just a little flustered. How may i help you today?”

“I need some flowers and when you mentioned your garden at breakfast I thought I would come down. I need whatever says “i’m sorry for not coming to dinner for 5 months i still love you mom” you bite back a giggle as you think of his mom, a regular at your shop who would come just to talk “say no more, come with me and we will build you a perfect bouquet” he nods and you grab a flower basket and a knife, leading him out the side door into the garden.

“So these ones are blue hyacinths, they represent peace and truth” he hums before shaking his head “no” he says and you chuckle, leading him down a few rows before stopping again “these are called star of bethlehem, they mean reconciliation” he leans in close “i like these ones” he says and you smile “perfect” you say and reach out cutting a few and adding them to your basket before walking down a few more rows.

You spend half an hour looking around at the flowers and chatting easily. “So why haven't you been to dinner with your sweet mother? She comes in every once in a while and only has nothing but kind things to say about you” you ask while you finish the arrangement of star of bethlehem, yellow roses, white ivy flowers, spider mums, and lily of the valley. You spruced it up with some ivy greenery and the last of the rosemary and chamomile flowers in the shop, the seeds you’re going to plant back at the guard house were already in your bag in the back.

The bouquet you made was beautiful and you felt proud as you tied around a few ribbons “Just busy is all” he says and you hand the bouquet over “well, tell her y/n from the flower shop says hi” he nods “i will. thank you y/n” he says, his fingers brushing yours as he takes the flowers. “Will i see you at dinner?” he asks and you smile “wouldn't miss it” he nods “good Konro will stop asking me now” you chuckle, does that mean Konro likes you? You push the thought aside “have a good rest of your day, Benimaru” you say and he gives you a small smile “you as well” you notice the flush of pink on his neck as he exits the shop.

“Ohhh these are lovely! Are they from y/n’s garden??” Beni nods “she say’s hi by the way” his mom smiles and brings the flowers into the kitchen to grab a vase “that girl is so sweet, she always remembers FooFoo and if i bring her with she gives her treats.” Benimaru feels his heart warm as he crouches down to scratch the tiny head of the senior dog laying on the floor. “She moved her shop to her garden until it’s rebuilt” he says, remembering the way he felt her eyes on him in the store, the way her hair shown in the sunlight as she brought him around her garden, telling him about the means behind every flower he asked about, the way the conversation was easy. He found himself wanting to talk to her again, trying to find any reason to go back to your garden. “Benimaru!” his mom shouts and he looks up to her “sorry ma” he says and she just shakes her head with a smile “shes quite beautiful isnt she?” his mom says as she places the flowers in the vase “yeah” Beni says “she is”

When you get back to the guard house after work it’s already dark and quiet, you had a lot of work to do once you closed and it unfortunately made you miss dinner. You roll your shoulders as you take off your shoes by the back gate, picking them up as you walk into the back garden. You hum softly to yourself as you find a watering can and hose, filling it up halfway and bringing it with you over to the garden boxes filled with dry dirt. You chuckle at the sight “poor unfortunate neglected dirt, not for long tho” you whisper as you wet the soil, sure you could plant more things at your garden around your flowers but if you did both you'd have more supply when they were grown. Plus it was the perfect time to plant. You kneel by the garden box and mix up the soil so it was all wet and combined before planting the seeds. Unaware of the man on the back porch watching you as you went, a smile on his lips.

You snap your fingers and the hanging lanterns above you light, making your face glow as you look up and make eye contact with Benimaru, a smile on your lips when you notice his shocked expression. He recovers quick with a smile you can tell he’s trying to hide “you missed dinner” he states and you chuckle “I’m sorry to make you miss me” you say with a chuckle “Would you like to help me?” your voice was quiet but he heard it like it was right by his ear.

He stands from his spot and walks over to you, his feet making soft sounds when they hit the dirt. He kneels down next to you and you take his hands in yours, making him cup them, the dirt on your hands rubbing off on him. “Take some of these” you dump some seeds into his hands “and plant them in a row, a couple finger widths apart and a knuckle deep” he nods as he follows your orders, you start on another row and hum softly as you go.

“You’re a pyrokinetic” he says and you chuckle “kind of. I mean. I never had any training so I can’t fight or anything with it. Nothing compared to your talents. But technically yes” “You’ve watched me so often you know of my talents?” he asks and you watch as his fingers push seeds into a neat row. You chuckle “yes, im not ashamed to say it. You’re captivating and insanely talented.” His cheeks flush and he clears his throat “is..is this right?” He asks and pulls his dirt covered empty hands away “that’s perfect Beni” he holds his hand out for more seeds and you smile as you pour some more into his palm.

“These are chamomiles, one of my favorites although common” you say “why do you like it?” he asks and you feel your stomach birth a butterfly or two “when i was younger, my grandma owned the flower garden. She would plant beautiful flowers and let me pick whichever ones I wanted. Then at the end of the day she would let me go pick as many chamomile flowers as i wanted so she could make tea. As we drank tea should tell me stories, I love chamomile because it reminds me of quality time and the stories that can be shared over a good cup of tea”

You finish your story as you both finish planting. You wipe your hands off on your pants as you stand up with him “thank you for your help” you say with a smile that he returns “thank you for the story” you nod “anytime Benimaru” he picks up your shoes and hands them to you before he puts the watering can back and disappears inside the guard house.

You snap your fingers as you walk inside, the lanterns going out before you close the door.

You don’t see Benimaru for the next few days, he wasn’t there for breakfast or dinner, you guess he has fire force duties that keeps him busy but you can't help but wonder how he is.

You get home from work late again, a wedding coming up that has been keeping you busy. You shower and then make your way through the guardhouse to the kitchen, it’s quieter than usual, a few families homes are already built and yours should be soon as well. You walk into the kitchen and smile when you see Beni already there “hi” you whisper as you shuffle to the cupboard to grab a mug and some tea “hi y/n” he says when you stand next to him at the stove, the tea kettle already heating up “can’t sleep?” you ask and he nods. You notice the dark circles under his eyes and how bloodshot they look. You hum in response and frown at the response your heart had when you saw him. Like you wished you could take care of him and rub his back while he lays in bed. “Are you just getting back?” he asks and you nod and cover your mouth as you yawn “yeah. Mrs. Kim’s daughter is getting married sunday and I’ve been making all the arrangements. White peonies, lavender, and ivy, it’s gorgeous” he notices the bandages on your fingers and dark circles under your eyes that almost match his. He wants nothing more to hold you while you both fall asleep. He’s so sleep deprived and he can see you are as well, but his thoughts are cut off by the whistle of the pot. “Do you wanna sit?” he asks and you nod with a smile.

You sit and talk at the little table in the kitchen, the only light coming from the one hanging above the table. It felt like you were in your own world as you talked and shared stories, laughing at the many things he told you about growing up and meeting Konro.

You told him more stories about your grandma, about your childhood. You bonded over mutual feelings for religion and politics, over what you want for the future. Before long you’ve finished a cup of chamomile tea and your second cup has gone cold, at some point he grabbed your hands and was now playing with your fingertips as he told you the story of how he became captain, sharing his fears with you in the safe space of the quiet kitchen. “I think I will always believe that Konro could have been better at this than me” he whispers and you lean forward, reaching up to brush his hair from his forehead before cupping his cheek “for what it’s worth, I think you are perfect” you hear his breath catch as his eyes look up into yours “perfect for this company, for this town. I talk to many of the people who live here and I have only ever heard praise and kindness for you. Your people love you. I know you don't like sweets that much but I’ve seen you accept them AND eat them and that says so much about you. People always give you so many gifts because it’s the only way we know how to give back, to you and the company for protecting the people and always being there.” Your hand slips as you go to move it from his cheek but he moves his hand up, covering yours and holding it in place.

“You may not feel worthy of this mantle, Waka” you smirk and give him a sweet look, knowing about his nickname and using it in this context makes his heart race as a small chuckle escapes his throat. “And no matter what i say, you can live with what makes you comfortable. But know that you are ultimately not living the truth.” He ponders your words for a moment and brings his hand down, taking yours with it. “The truth being that you DO deserve this position. You ARE worthy. You ARE the best and most qualified for this” his fingers laced together with yours “and you have the support of your team and basically the whole city...” your cheeks blush and you look down at your hands together against the table “and you have mine as well” you whisper

Benimaru was gone the next few days, Konro as well. Leaving you in the guard house as more and more families left, able to go back to their newly built homes until only a few of you remained.

Your bare feet plop along the wooden floor, echoing in the empty quiet hallway as you make your way to the back. Your long duster cardigan hitting the back of your ankles and making your shorts and tank top seem even more cozier. The sound of birds makes you smile as you take a deep breath of the fresh morning air, walking to the little garden with a watering can in your hand.

“Good morning” he said softly, his voice strained and tired. You smile and your head snaps up to look at him, your smile falling as you take him in.

You set down the watering can and stand, making your way to him in an instant. “Are you okay?” You ask, your hands reach for him but stop a short distance away. His face had a bandage on his cheek and forehead, his left hand wrapped, and a bruise forming around his left eye. “Just a couple scratches is all” he says, taking one of your hands with his right hand and slowly leads you back to the plants. “They’re growing nicely” he says as he looks down at the sprouts, already a little tall and poking out of the dirt in just a week.

He drops your hand to pick up the watering can, raining down the cool liquid over your plants, the dry lightened dirt turning dark brown. “You’re going to work?” He asks and you shrug “I don’t have anything special to do today, and if I’m being honest” you blush and take the can from his hand, walking to put it away so you didn’t have to look at him “I wanted to go in today so I didn’t think about how much I wanted to talk to you”

His breath catches and his wounds don’t even throb anymore, he wasn’t paying attention. All that matters is the soft way your voice reached his ears, saying something he didn’t even realize he was hoping for. You’ve been missing him, just as much as he seemed to miss you. “Will you get some breakfast with me?” He asks, his voice normal, hiding every anxiety and feeling deep in his heart, but as you turned and met his eye you could see the hope he's feeling in them.

“I was thinking” you say after Konro excuses himself from breakfast, leaving you and Beni alone. “Could you.. I mean. Do you know of anyone who could train me with my abilities? If it’s possible I could get stronger then I want to” your hands are in closed fists against your thighs and you me eyes shone with the determination you feel. He chuckles softly, popping a piece of fruit in his mouth and thinking as he chews. “I think I could figure something out. Tomorrow night work for you?” You beam at him, grinning from ear to ear with excitement “that works perfect!” You place your hand on his arm that rests against the table “Thank you Benimaru” you say softly and he nods, trying desperately to suppress the blush he feels is imminent.

The next evening you went out to check your ganden before you were supposed to train, you hoped that he had found someone nice to help you. “Are you ready?” He asks behind you and you smile while you stand from your place by the small growing herbs “as I’ll ever be! Who will you have train me?” You ask and meet his eyes, raising yours brows in question, noticing his face was without his bandages today and his wounds really did look like scratches. “I will” he states and you watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows.

You take a couple steps towards him “no!” You exclaim louder than intended and you laugh once awkwardly as his eyebrows raise “I mean. You’re hurt! and my power is so low it’s not worth your time. I’ve seen the boys you train! their power and skill is levels higher than me” he walks over to you, setting his right hand on your shoulder and leaning down to your ear “I want to” he whispers and your cheeks dust pink as a small gasp leaves your throat, oh how he desperately loved that sound. He pulls back with a smirk “and I’ve said” he raises his left hand that still had a small bandage around his palm “it’s just a scratch” he begins to walk away from you, over to the training space and you’re stunned for a few moments. Standing there and watching his back as he walked away, your heartbeat racing and your brain empty save it for the way Benimaru’s breath tickled your ear.

“Well?” He asks when he realizes you’re not following him, turning back and looking at you with daring eyes, snapping you back into reality. Your smile spreads and the sight sends him over the moon, a feeling invading his heart that he’s become enamored with these past few days having you at the guardhouse. You were the sun slowly rising in his life, and he was drawn to your warmth. “Let’s do this” you say as you reach his side, the back of your hand brushing his for only a moment but it sends fireworks up his arm.

“Show me what you can do, outside of lanterns” he says as he stands to the side, his eyes taking in your form as you stand facing him. You hold up your hands and nod once, the tip of each finger igniting in small flames. “I can’t make them bigger but I can do..” you tighten each flame to smaller tips, growing in power and heat until they blazed like the head of welding guns. He nods once “she’s more powerful than she realizes” he thinks as he watches the flames reflecting your eyes.

“That’s good” he says as he approaches you “is this all you know how to do?” He asks as he takes a hold of your wrists gently, turning your hands and looking at your flames. “I couldn’t really practice a lot growing up so this is it unfortunately” he chuckles once, mostly just air from his nose, but it made you smile anyway. “Can you control which fingers or..” before he finishes you start randomly lighting and unlighting fingertips. “Now try to shoot the flames out” he says and you nod, trying to push the flames out but just ending up breaking a sweat and flashing your flames, not going anywhere else.

After fifteen minutes of absolutely nothing happening you sigh and flung your hands up in the air “I can not be this WEAK” you exclaim and shake them as you scowl. He sighs and comes over to you, reaching up and smoothing out your eyebrows gently before holding his hands out to you.

You hesitate, your hands almost being set in his before you pause and he raises his eyebrows “chicken” he whispers and you drop your hands against his “tch” he clicks his tongue and you roll your eyes as he uses his thumbs and first two fingers to rub your wrist gently “it’s your first test. Relax” he says, his fingers moving to the middle of your hand “there are many other things we’ll try, none of which make you weak if you can’t do them” goosebumps running down your spine as he moves down each finger, your breath catching in your throat with how gentle he was being with you and how nice it felt for him to be doing this to your hands, another sound that he found he adored. He brings your hands up and kisses each knuckle softly, effectively short wiring your brain yet again. “Try again” he whispers, letting your hands go and standing back again.

You took a deep shaky breath and closed your eyes for a moment, feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin and the warmth he has ignited in your heart, before opening your eyes and shoving your hands out, each finger popping as flames, strong, bright blue flames, shoot from each finger.

“BENIMARU!” You shout and laugh, dropping the flames and turning to run and throw your arms around his neck “oof” he mumbles as you hit him, his arms wrapping around you to keep you both stable. “I did it! I did it! I did it!” He sighs softly into your hair, “I saw” he whispered “wanna find out what else you can do?” He asks, his lips brushing against the side of your head. You squeeze him closer for a moment before pulling back “does this mean I should call you my Senpai? Or my Captain?” He rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop the blush that rose to his cheeks “No.” he says, but you laugh when he won’t meet your eye.

“You’ve come a long way for just a few hours” he says as you walk back to the garden, the sun beginning to set “you’re a really amazing teacher” you lean in close “Captain” you whisper before making a turn for the hose. He stops in his tracks after you whispered, his heart fluttering in his chest as he forces himself to calm down before turning and walking over to you

You look up to him from where you were crouched, running hose in one hand after you washed your face and the back of your neck. “You look a little flushed” you say as he crouches by you, reaching out for the hose. He just Humphs as you move the water closer to him, a smirk in your lips and mischief in his eyes that he would have known right away had he looked up at you.

Your thumb covers the end just so as he leans down, raising the pressure as it hits his hands spraying his face as well. You chuckle before placing your fingers against your lips, holding in as much of your giggles as you could. He slowly looks up into your eyes, water droplets falling from his hair and nose, he was annoyed for half of a second until he meets your eyes, notices the sweet mischief in your eyes and hears your soft giggles as they leave your lips. “Did you just..” you nod and slowly stand to back away from him, the mischief rising to his eyes as the corners of his mouth twitch up into a smile. He stands and takes one step towards you and you raise your emotu hand, “WAIT” you say and he stops “we.. we can talk about this..” you say with a smile, giggles escaping with every exhale. “I think we’re too far past talking about this” he says before he moves, quick with his hand out towards the hose but you scream and try to run, spraying him behind you as he gets closer. He laughs as he grabs you, his arms wrapping around your middle from behind not caring about the cool hose water that was currently soaking him. He reaches up and takes the hose from your hand and turns you around before smiling and slowly running the water across the back of your head then across both of your shoulders making you gasp and tense in his hold. “I think we’re even now” you say with a shiver and a laugh and he cocks his head “not yet” he says softly, his hands reaching up to tuck your damp hair behind your ears.

You gasp, his cold fingers cooling off your warm cheeks as he cups your face. The hose forgotten about, dropped on the grass by your feet, soaking the earth and making your toes muddy. But nothing else matters besides the way he’s looking at you and the way the sun is turning the sky red behind him.

Your hands grip the sides of his soaked shirt as you lean into him “and how, tell me, can we make it even?” You ask, following his hands with your face as he pulls you closer, his body curving forward as you lean forward on your tip toes, brushing your nose against his making his breath hitch “can I show you?” He whispers and you nod, your eyes fluttering closed as he closes the last inch between your lips.

Kissing him felt like the first breath of fresh air after an infernal has been put to rest. Felt like the first relaxing step into a hot spring. It sends goosebumps from your head to his toes before being followed by electricity making your skin tingle. Fireworks dance across the backs of your eyes as he wraps an arm around your waist, holding you tight against him. You sigh as your heart sways within your chest, comforting and warm as he holds you like his lifeline.

His thumb brushes softly against your cheek when he pulls away. Your hands smooth out his shirt before running your hands up his wet chest, his hands moving down to both rest against your waist. You can’t think of anything to say, just savoring the moment as you look into his eyes.

“Are you guys coming to dinner?” The twins say from the porch, effectively startling the hell out of you. You gasp and clutch your heart as Beni just smiles down at you, his back to them. “Thanks. We’ll be there in a minute” he says and they skip off. “We should get going. We’re gonna get sick” you say and reach up, running a hand through your damp hair. He reaches down and turns off the hose as you gather it, putting it away correctly and he reaches out, hooking his fingers with yours. “Mom will kill me if you get sick” he says softly and you laugh “maybe you could.. help me clean up. Make sure I don’t get sick” he coughs a few times, choking on his spit in shock and you laugh “Beni” you say softly and pause in the doorway, looking up at him. “I’m playing. I really like you. I’d like to take it as slow or fast as we both are comfortable with, okay?” You reach up and ruffle his damp hair, pushing it out of his eyes. His cheeks flush and he leans down, pressing his forehead to yours as your eyes close. “I adore you” he whispers and your heart flutters. “Let’s go get cleaned up” he whispers and squeezes your hand, guiding you along with him to the showers.

#benimaru x you #benimaru shinmon fire force #benimaru #benimaru fluff #enen no shouboutai benimaru #benimaru x y/n #benimaru imagines #benimaru shinmon #benimaru x reader #fire force benimaru #fire force imagines #en en no shobotai #en en no shōbōtai #en en no shobotai benimaru #benimaru shinmon x reader #benimaru shinmon x you #fire force fluff

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thesolotomyhan · 3 years

Text

being pregnant with miguel angel felix gallardo’s kid but leaving him would include

a/n: the way i went full 180 and wrote this because i LIVE for angst and im here to share my pain with you all,, also! this came out as a preggo hc but it follows up with the angst- um i hope you all enjoy my mess

Taglist: @ fandomnerd16 @visintaes @sheeshgivemeabreak @artemiseamoon @ all-tings-diego

let me know if you want to be tagged!

tODO POR TU CULPA ANON IM CRYING BEFORE I EVEN BEGIN-

i just need to say this to mend my broken heart but,, can you imagine miguel angel being so fucking elated the day you tell him you’re pregnant-

like im imagining you surprising him with this neatly wrapped box you give him once he comes home,,

your nervous form standing there when he gives you that stupid laugh when he picks up the box like, “whats this, amor?”

just- his smile getting bigger as he starts to unwrap the box,, pulling out this onesie you put in there-

and there’s this shine in his eyes as he holds it up,, looking at you with so much adoration,,

“estas- embarazada, tesoro?” I SOB because i know nothing feels better than to hear from you,, his dama, is pregnant with his kid, :((

and just him walking up to you,, kissing your forehead as his hands caress your stomach, lightly laughing into your hair- i :(

ok but i can feel it in me that since day one,, he would have you never leave the house no matter what because he doesnt want you out and about without him there cuidandote,,

he just gets low key worried because he doesn’t want you to get hurt while he’s working, and not be there for you right away,, so i know he would have someone with you at all times

like personal maids to do anything you ever need because he doesnt want you touching one plate or moving one foot-

he just w o r r i e s about you putting strength in anything that could harm the baby even if youve only been pregnant for a month-

se preocupa el cabron

and also him doubling security just for the sake of something ever happening,, i just- he doesn’t want absolutamente NADA que te pase ok :(

i cant- hes always telling you that you can call him whenever you need to if you want from the littlest problem to the biggest-

“por cualquier cosa, no importa la hora, you call me first, mi amor, tu eres lo mas importante para mi” -

hes just trying his hardest to be as supportive as he can for you,, im tearing up

also someone PLEASE tell me im not the only one that imagines him sitting down on a couch and having you either sitting on his lap or curled into him-

him caressing your hair and kissing the top of your head,, his hand intertwined with yours thats sitting on your stomach-

like its such a soft fucking moment that he cherishes and just looks forward to the day when he imagines holding your baby in his arms- i :((

and i can see him being the type to bring you all and every snack/food he sees on the street on his way home for you to have,,

just the way he’ll come home to you,, fresh pan dulce in his hand or ice cream as he walks up to you,, smile on his face when he leans down to kiss you-

“te traje algo para ti y el niño, amor” and his hand rubbing your stomach -i cannot handle this right now,,

god, he would also be the one to always have you sleeping on his chest,, wanting to be as close to you and his bebe when he falls asleep,,

but also him staring at the ceiling,, thinking of names he likes for your baby,, and just him blurting them out randomly when he really likes one,

i cant-and the little smile on his face when he hears you softly giggle into his chest,, sleepily telling him if you like that name or not- im crying i wow-

ok now listen,, -i want you to imagine with me somewhere at the point of your pregnancy where you find out the gender of your baby ok-

i can imagine you wouldnt have told miguel about you going to the doctors maybe because you wanted to surprise him or maybe it just crossed your mind and you forgot to tell him-

but whatever the reason,, you wouldve wanted to give him the news at his office at hotel americas because youre too excited to wait until later to tell him,,

and i just imagine you carrying this first ever picture in your hand of your baby, this smile on your face as you head up,, i

but right when you round the corner down to his office, you bump into this lady, still trying to button her shirt up, adjusting her outfit and not even acknowledging you as she walks all giggly away from you-

and from this point,, you already know something isnt right even tho you want to so badly brush it off, you cant,

not when you look down the hall where miguels office door was left open-

god, just the nagging tension pulling on your shoulder every time you take a step closer to his door,,

and the moment you push the door open,, its like a weight was dropped on your heart because there miguel stands, right behind his desk, adjusting the collar of his shirt, his hair all messed up and sticking out everywhere-

just- the whole world feeling like it stopped when he looks up at you, standing there in the doorway,, looking at him with so much resentment in your eyes because you fucking know what happen ed when everything clicked for you- i

“mija, que haces aqui? you should be at home, resting-” and like just the way hes trying to play it off like you didnt just catch him angers you even more, your tense form looking at him and teeth gritting-

“who was that vieja, miguel?”

and just woW him giving you that fucking scoff he does as he smiles at you, moving to start walking up to you,,

“que vieja, mijita?”

i- and the way you give him this dry laugh,, not even noticing your hand starting to crumble the picture in your hand- “no soy pendeja miguel, diME quien era esa mujer” your voice starting to slowly crack,, your eyes filling with angry tears as you back away from him-

i fucking CRY at the thought of desperate miguel trying to hold your arms and calm you down,, and just holding your body against his when you start to struggle out of his hold,, his voice rising to get you to calm down when you start to hit his chest like- como pudiste? after everything we’ve been through, me enganas, como nada-?”

i just- his hands trying to stop you from pushing him away and get ahold of you- “BASTA mija, ella no es nada para mi, let me fix this, tu eres la mejor cosa para mi” i- and him looking at you todo perdido when you push him away angrily,, wanting to get as much space away from him

and theres this tense ass moment where you can barely even look at him through your eyes,, taking a shaky breath like- “cuantas mas hay,,,, dime la verdad-”

but- ,just him looking down, silent becasue he cant bring himself to lie to you again,, not with they way he can feel his heart in his throat if he even tries to- “dejame arreglar esto, profavor mi amor, i never wanted to hurt you”

i cant- just the way he can see your heart break further when he looks at you,, hurting the one person he promised to never destroy,,

and his own feeling like it fucking shatters as he watches you toss your ring at him,, your words further crushing him - “nunca pense que llegaria el dia en que te dijera that i dont love you anymore after what you did”-

and just, your muffled cries struggling to leave your mouth as you turn around,, not even noticing when the crumpled picture of your baby falls to the floor-

your legs moving without even thinking towards his door,, not once glancing back at him when he tries to call out your name as you slam the door behind you- i

THIS IS YOUR FAULT ANON

#narcos mexico imagine #narcos mexico imagines #miguel angel felix gallardo x reader #miguel angel felix gallardo #narcos mexico #narcos: mexico

225 notes · View notes

heyitsyn · 4 years

Text

Nekoma!Manager!Male!Reader

a/n: never written male reader before but this was a funny request and i really do see the irony in this

anon request:

absolutely LOVED your seijoh hcs! you said you wanted to do the other schools so i thought, how about nekoma but with a MALE manager bc it would be so ironic to have a male god as their manager rather than a goddess that they always talked about!! thank youuuuuuu!!!!!!!

yall the nekoma fanchant is literally stuck in my head

hehe uwu lets step on the pedal

ong jesus take the wheel pls

so basically,,,

being the nekoma manager is a MESS

lets say youre a second year and was only the manager bc you were begged into taking the job

like wouldnt leave you alone and pestered you 25/8, screaming about needing their own god manager

also just because, you are fairly popular and you have your own fanclub of girls in nekoma and they thought it would give them more exposure and more chances w girls :’)

tora was actually the first who came up to you and begged you to be their manager during class one day bc they are in need of one but they arent allowed to have a girl manager so he turned to having a handsome male

‘I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IT HAS TO BE A BOY’

‘so you wont be all over him abd be distracted w showing off’

‘WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION MY SE-’

‘tora, please’

initially, you refused bc you just couldnt be bothered to be part of a club where you basically babysit a bunch of overgrown children

but kenma, your childhood friend, was the team’s last attempt to get you in since kuroo mentioned that he was the only one you listened to

‘kenma, babie, i love you, but i am your friend, not your nanny. so unless i am paid, i will not waste my time taking care of of all of you. especially that chicken head’

‘y/n, yaku is on his last leg here. we really need a manager and we need it fast’

‘you went for years without one so why do you need it?’

‘we’re scared that nekomata would just drop dead any minute now’

‘yanno? im surprised hes even still alive with yall’

‘....... ill show your fangirls that picture of you when we were 5 when-’

‘okay, kenma. rude about the blackmail but okay. dont expect me to be the maid or anything’

nope, you were actually the maid

and the cook

and the nanny

and the laundry person

the everything

it baffles you that kuroo is about to graduate next year yet he still doesnt know the difference between fabric softener and detergent

the amount of times you sent him to pick up more and only to send him back when he ended up buying 2 softeners or 2 detergents

‘they all look the same!’

‘kuroo tetsuro cAN yOu NoT rEAd?!’

ngl i still mix them up sometimes

during matches, youre basically their mother, their nanny, and nekomata’s notetaker, and their personal cheerleader

naoi, the other coach guy, and coach nekomata has adopted you as a son bc of how hard you work and the less the burden is on them

like your notes about their playing percentages really works and helps them and added with the chores you do for the team?

godsend

also, lets put your popularity in here

you dress with a white shirt and zip up your red nekoma jacket with your red sweatpants so you look like one of the players, right?

but how come every time they have practice, youre the only one with the fangirls in the bleachers?

youre literally wearing the same thing as them yet youre the only one who gets looked at?!

even kuroo, who was quite good looking, doesnt have that many girls pining after him yet you, resident anti-tryhard, seems to get the female population to fall for you just by doing the simplest things like breathing

youd be doing normal things like using your whistle as you hold a clipboard and girls would be screeching at you

‘omg m/n is so hot!’

‘hes just !!!! uuggghhhh’

‘siri how to be a whistle?’

i am uncomfortable with the energy we have created in the gym today

tora complains about it all the time bc first, they cant have a beautiful manager, two, they have a pretty boy who’s taking the attention away

‘SO NOT FAIR! M/N, TURN UGLY!’

you bonk him on the head in anger and threaten to quit all the time

‘say that again and you’ll be filling your own water bottles tomorrow’

but in truth though, the guys really do appreciate you and everything you do

they know that you balance them with your personal life and classes and still make time to do their laundry and make them food

so they have started easing off the burden and weight off of your shoulders

at first, you were very suspicious when they told you that they already filled their water bottles

‘huh? i didnt think you even knew where the water fountain was’

‘wym weve been doing this for years’

-kuroo

then, you heard kuroo tell the others to put their sweaty jerseys in the basket in the corner of the room and for the last person to carry it to the laundromat

‘um, sir, we dont want to have another pink jersey disaster again’

you stopped inuoka from lugging the basket but he shook his head and gave you a wide grin

‘nope, m/n-senpai! i’ll carry it for you! i’m strong, see?’

he flexed his right arm muscle while holding the basket with one hand but it was too heavy so it fell to the ground, spilling out all the practice jerseys

you sighed before bending down to pick them up and babie inuoka’s eyes watered, thinking you were mad at him

‘gomen, senpai’

he whispered but you looked up at him from your position

his watery eyes made you frantically stand up and wipe his tears with the pads of your thumbs

‘inu-kun, why are you crying? you said you were strong right? dont cry over silly things, okay?’

he nodded and you were still confused as to why he was so emotional but you patted his fluffy hair

‘now cmon, lets go take these to the shop’

unbeknownst to you, the team was actually seething from behind the wall

naturally, as a,,, manager,, you became their,,, energy??

like the slightest affections from you made their health bar increase tenfold and they didnt necessarily have any intentions towards you

you were like,,, their own,,,, happy drug?? like a human seratonin??

just the fact that they had someone like you to fall back on and give them love when they lost or something

it was comforting

usually it was just the team’s responsibility to throw away their own sadness and comfort each other

but with you,,,

they could easily cry with no fear and you would comfort them until they didnt need to be comforted anymore

eventually, they ended up straight out competing against each other on who would get the most affection

clearly, inuoka used his first year card and everyone knew you were soft for your kouhais

like you would just grab them and hug them because of how cute they were

uwu especially lev?!

he may be a giant but hes just a really REALLY REALLY BIG CAT

;)

LEV LIVES TO HUG YOU

like the mans is beanstalk level of height and despite the age difference, he just picks you up and cuddles you and youre just like ‘okay, let it out babie’

DKSFJSLD ANYWAYS

you are always a hot topic w all the students in nekoma and even some in other schools

like during training camp, bro you making everyone question their sexuality

omg akaashi and you are probably the prettiest people there and can i just say how everyone cant focus on a practice match bc youd be laughing together or something and they havent heard anything so beautiful??

and the kitties get really defensive over you and hiss at anyone who even tries to approach you

hiss hiss

DKJFSLKDFJDWHAT IF EVERYONE IN THE TEAM IS BI

OMG WHAT

like the little touches from you make them so red and confident gays like kuroo and bokuto call you out on them and tease you

while the quiet ones like akaashi and kenma are just blushing and stutter and you tease them instead?

*inhale* BOI *exhale*

the uke and seme dynamic is real on this one

however, there are times when the turned tables

there was that one day that you were seriously questioning if bokuto wore leggings or just really high knee pads and you cornered him after baths to just figure it out

like our poor confident boi turned to a shy babie and shrunk against the wall, covering his red face

‘y-y/n-kun’

‘bo-san, i just want to know’

DKFSJLKDFJFJSDKIM DYING OVER HERE LIKE PLEASE I DONT OWN Y/N

after seeing the smidge of skin at the top of the kneepad, you nodded and brushed your fingertips over the flesh

‘hmm~ so i was right~’

FROM THEN ON POOR BABIE OWL COULDNT LOOK AT YOU THE SAME!!!!!!

it worried everyone so much when bokuto would glance at you in the sidelines and he would competely miss akaashi’s set bc his eyes would focus on you rather than the ball

like he absolutely couldnt take his eyes off of you and when you do turn to meet his eyes, he shrinks back and looks away, completely missing your amused smirk

now, your kitties werent happy about that

theyre very protective of you and they felt that this owl could snatch you right up and fly away

and kuroo, being the captain and the head of the familia, took it upon himself and dragged you to the back of the gym while the others were practicing

kurat pushed you against the wall and basically kabedonned you

KUROO IS LIKE 6′2 OR 190 CM I CANT

‘you seem close with bokuto, l/n. almost, too,, close’

an amused smirk etched itself on your lips and you pressed a hand on his chest

‘oya~? captain-san, am i being punished?’

SFDKLFSJKLDFJL SIR Y/N IS SUPPOSED TO RADIATE SEME ENERGY BUT HE ISNT AND I CANNOT-

ofc he was taken aback by your flirty attitude but he smirked and softly brushed away your bangs that slightly covered your eyes

‘hmm~~ depends, y/n-kun. are you going to be a good kitty and stay with the clowder? or are you going to stay with those pesky chickens~?’

DKFLSJDKFJSL BRO DID YOU KNOW A GROUP OF CATS IS CALLED A CLOWDER?! I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT BUT I HAVE A FEELING KUROO WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT BC HE BIG BRAIN

you chuckled and gently wrapped your arms around his shoulders

but your hand grabbed the hair at the back of his head and harshly pulled him to be closer to you

your eyes blinked innocently but your sharp teeth were shown from your malicious grin

‘ive always been a bad kitty, captain. so i dont care what you say because you cant tell me what to do~’

👀👀👀👀

imagine what happens next bc i cant write something unholy

anyways

so you learned that tetsu CAN in fact tell you what to do and you avoided everyone else which caused them to wonder but one look at your neck

well,,,,,

you got attacked by a cat

a cat named tetsu

SKDFLJSDKFJSLKUROO IS THE ONLY SEME YOU CLASH WITH

THE OTHERS ARE ALL UKE

EVEN BEEFY BUFF CAKE BOI BO

but you toned it down to not be attacked again

ngl the whole team was all jealous and they even whined to kuroo about it

‘thats not fair!!!!’

‘stop abusing your role as captain!!!!’

they hated the fact that kuroo got you first so they all rally over to keep you away from him

like baby kenma would nudge you over and bring him to sit next to you, saying he needs you to help him with a certain level

‘kenny, im not sure how to play this game’

‘hmm,,,, youre a quick learner, y/n, and youre really quick with your fingers so you could pass to the next level’

*insert lenny face*

‘oya? and you would know how, kenny?’

and baby kenny would fluster a little before glomping to your side and burying his face into your shoulder to hide away

the first years would absolutely use their kouhai priviledges and bring you over to help them with ‘homework’

‘you guys realize i passed because kuroo would beat me into studying right?’

‘but senpai! you mustve learned a thing or two in your classes!’

‘bold of you to assume i was even awake in my classes’

but they still make you spend hours trying to help them which turn into just messing around

KSDLFJSDKFJD MOVIE NIGHTS YOU GUYS THATS IT!!

there isnt really a single calm moment in your guys’ practice

poor you have already started seeing lot of gray hairs

you literally decline every single confession just because youre too busy for a date and you cant handle having to take care of another person

its like youre dating the whole team!!

soon the entire school have just accepted the fact that you are just simply not in the market anymore just because you joined the club

not because youre actually taken by a girlfriend but youre taken by a bunch of teenage males

imagine how that works out

anyways

youre not really the best volleyball player out there but you know a thing or two

well,,, its more like your stamina doesnt allow you to play long bc a single lap literally destroys your lungs

but you still know when yaku complains about having a shaky receive

‘oh, momo-senpai, youre bending your knees too low so gravity is pushing down on your-’

ugh chemistry i hate it

despite your lack of athletic or physical skills, they still appreciate you for your keen eyes, your caring nature, and your overall looks that give them motivation to play harder to impress you personality :)

all the boys love you

and tbh

you love your boys too

even though it was a blackmail caused event,

you still would’ve joined otherwise

this is kinda short but its going to be longer if i find some plots or somebody asks for a plotline that i can write about for a long time

anyways

byeeeee :)))))

a/n: this isnt exactly the best manager one ive written but ill probably find a good prompt for this or again as stated ^^ someone sends in an ask for it and ill write a story for our favorite male manager :’D

666 notes · View notes

paypay0315 · 3 years

Text

The Space Between (3)

Pairing: Eren Yeager/Reader or Female OC!

word count: 3.6k Series

Summary: Harmony was a young girl who just lost her family, she was more of an open wound then most. When she catches the eye of Eren Yeager her whole life changes and she doesnt realize she might be in love.

Content for this Chapter: Rivals, mean eren, mean oc!. somewhat nice eren

She was tired. Her breathing became heavier and heavier the more she ran. This was her 10th time running around the bulidngs how long does he want her to keep going? She starts to move into a slow walk at the lack of oxygen she is starting to feel.

"KEEP RUNNING" her commander yells out.

She looked over to see him standing there watching her every move. She knocks her head back trying to get some relief from the strain in her neck. She huffs out and turns around cause she hears dirt being smashed and she sees its....... Eren. How did he get behind her so fast? She can't get beat by him.

She starts to run faster so he won't catch up to her. "I'm gonna beat you!" she hears Eren yell out. Hes getting closer. Did he get faster?

She cant let him win. "No you arent!"

He comes to her side and now they are running as fast as they can. Shes so close to the finish line, she just has to keep running.

She puts her head forward and passes her commander she starts to slow down her running. "I totally beat you!" Eren says painting.

"No you didn't I beat you!" she yells out bending down to put her hands on her knees.

"DID TOO!"

"DID NOT!"

She furrows her brows at him. She stands up about to go up to him but a hand stops her. Its her commander.

"Do you want more time?" he asks. She turns away from him.

"I shouldn't even be doing this, when he started it!" She pointed her finger at Eren.

He scoffs, "Huh?! You're the one who started it!!" He yells at her.

"For the LAST time, I DIDNT START IT!" She screams.

They both walk up to each other about to punch one another before they both get knocked down to the ground by their commander.

"THATS IT! ANOTHER TWO WEEKS ADDED!" He screams as loud as them.

They went silent after that. "Are you serious?!" Harmony asks.

"Do I look like i'm kidding?" He quirks his eyebrow up at her.

He's not kidding.

"The both of you get out of my sight before i banish you both" he spits.

Both Eren and her get up and go back to their room to get their rest of their duties started.

This will never end with him will it?

.....

"Eren!" Armin yelled out to him. "So how was the run? he asks.

"Like it always is" he huffs getting ready to go clean the Tavern.

"She gave you a hard time again?" he aksed the young boy.

"No..... shes just like she always is. And im not gonna let her be a bitch towards me-"

"Eren" Mikasa interrupts him. Eren looks her direction. "You cant let her get to you like that or you're going to get kicked out"

"Im not"

"You are, you were always hot headed like this" she tells him. "How are you supposed to 'destroy all the titans' when you cant even train to beat them anymore?" she tells him.

Shes right. He knows she is right.

"So you want me to sit there and let her disrespect me?" he tells her.

"No, but you dont need to be one step closer to getting kicked out."

He stays silent.

"We need you Eren...." she wanst to say more. (I need you) "We cant sacrifice you because you will be the one to destroy the titans" she says soflty.

"Right armin?"

Armin turns to look at her. "Yes"

"Mikasa don't tell me what to do. i'll deal with her my own way" he says and walks out the door.

They are right. He doesn't want to admit but they are right. He cant let someone like Harmony destroy his dream of destroying the titans.

....

She huffs trying to get the sticky beans out of the floor. They had two more weeks left to clean out this whole tavern and they werent even half way finished. She looks towards Eren's and sees him standing on top of the stairs wiping away the tea that was thrown there.

She rolls her eyes at how easy it is for him since he is just wiping something easy while shes abou to blow her shoulder out trying to clean this food. "You know it would be alot quicker if you helped me clean this side, you know like our commander said! she growled.

He doesnt say anything back. Is he ignorimng her?

"Hey? Im talking to you! she gets louder.

He doesnt say anything back again.

She throws the silver wear at his head. "Hey! Cut it out!" he yells

"Im talking to you!"

"Yeah i can clealry hear you, you sound like a whaling cat!"

Her mouth agaps at the insult, "When im talking to you, you talk back idoit!"

"No I dont, look im trying to get this done and you are distracting me!"

"im disctrating you?"

He nods his head.

"Distracting you from what excalty, you falling on your face half of the time" he stops and she smirks at how much it got to him. For the past weeks he hasn't been able to do any of the training cause he either falls on his face or is the last one out of all of the them. He throws the towel on the floor ands walks towards her.

"Look! I dont know what your problem is but i don't have time for it. I didnt come here to fight humans I came here to fight titans. I have a dream. A dream that one day I will destroy all the titans, and you are ruining it! So yes im ignoring you because i dont need some annoying wench like you DESTROYING MY DREAM!!'

Well that was dramtic.

But she doesnt say anything. She just looks at him.

In a way she saw herself in him. She had the same dream.

She turns around and walks away picking up a towel to help him with the cleaning. "You aren't the only one with that dream you know?" she says quietly.

"Huh?!"

"I'm saying, you aren't the only one who has come here to get some petty revenge on the Titans...... everyone here has lost someone..... someone important to them" she looks away from him trying to fight the tears coming down her face.

What does she mean by that? He thinks.

When she turns around he sees tears welling up in her eyes, he also notices how she is trying to hide them. Why? Did something bad happen to her?

When he looks at her, he doesn't see the same Harmony that threw food on him, or the same Harmony that screams at him every chance she got.

He saw someone softer, like under all that lent up anger was a girl who was lonely and just wanted friends. His eyes go soft as well, and for a moment just a moment he saw the real her.

But it's over in a instant, because she notices how his eyes go soft. She can't let him see her cry, she can't let him so her be so weak.

Her face changes back to that rough Harmony, she walks up to him and punches his arm tightly.

"OW! WHAT THE HELL!"

"GET BACK TO WORK DUMB ASS! she yells.

"Why did you pinch me??!!"

"Because you are just standing around and we have to get this done, now get back to work!" She walks away from him going back to picking at those beans on the floor.

But Eren doesn't fail to look back at her one last time. Who was Harmony really?

......

"Next group step up" her commander says. Shes next up to use the MOD gear, she isnt nervous at all. She's observed many people getting in it and it didn't seem too hard.

But was she so wrong. Getting into was harder than she thought. She can't even put her leg up in the suit because it gets falling out from under her butt.

Eren looks over and sees her struggling and he can't help but feel...... guilty. But why?

Why should he feel guilty for someone who has been insulting him since he first got here. But even then he can't help but feel guilty at the fact that he has a chance to help her and is not trying to take it.

He runs up to her since no one was even trying to help her. He guesses that's her effect, ever since she got here she hasn't really mad a lot of her friends. But that's her fault though she rude to everyone who goes nears her.

Even so he still shouldn't leave her like that. "Hey. You're doing it wrong!" He blurts out.

He was no expert on this himself but he at least knew how to get in it.

She turns around and looks at him with a deadly stare. "What the hell do you want Yeager?!"

"Nothing..... it's just- here let me help!" he walks up to her and reaches to grab the cords pulling up the MOD gear but she instantly knocks his hand out of the way.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" She shouted.

"You're doing it wrong!" he yells out.

Her eyes go wide at what he just said. Is he trying to help her? Like hell she will get help from him.

"I don't need it" She says while still struggling to get inside of the gear.

She huffs at her stubbornness. "Yes you do, now listen to me!" He grabs her hand roughly and puts it on the cord she immediately pulls away.

She didn't know what to do or say. She hasn't had a human touch like that since..... well since that day.

"NO!"

She pushes him down to the ground and Eren yells out in pain.

"YOU THINK I NEED YOUR HELP ASSHAT?!" She screams for everyone to hear.

He stands up quickly, shocked that she even pushes him down so fast. "I was just trying to help?!" he yelled.

"I don't care! What gives you the right?!"

"It's not my fault you don't know how to work this thing!"

She stares at him for a long time. What can she even say to that? He's right she doesn't know how to do it.

But out of everyone why did Eren have to be the one to help her? He thinks he's so much better than her doesn't he?

"You think you're better than me?" She snaps.

"What-"

"I'll show you, who is really going to defeat the titans" She points her finger to her chest and walks away from the crowd that was being brought up next to them.

What the hell just happened? Eren thought to himself.

......

Getting out of that hot sun was honestly the highlight of her day today.

Sitting in the Tavern that didn't have those massive food stains on the walls was so peaceful. Not only because she got to eat here but because where she sat she could look outside the window and see the sun go down.

She sat by herself most of the time and she liked it that way. She wasn't much of a talker herself but all she needed was herself at this point and that's all that mattered to her.

But she can't help but look down at the people in the room and get..... jealous. She wouldn't admit it but she was mainly jealous of Eren. She was a very good observer and she saw the way Mikasa and Armin treated him.

It's like they would both die for him and she wishes she had someone like that in her life. Well at least she did..... at one point.

Shes not saying she wants someone to die for her because she honestly can't handle another person dying in her life. But she wants someone to care for her again.

She missed it. She missed when someone worried for her. She missed how her mother would always patch her back up when she ran a little to fast and fell and scrapped her knee. She missed when her father would read her a bed time story because she could not sleep cause of the night storms.

She looks down at all the people laughing together and drinking together. It reminds her of the time her family was celebrating her 7th birthday party.

How her mom made her, her favorite birthday cake flavor, and how her uncle ended up getting so drunk he couldn't even stand on his own two feet.

She smiled.

But that smile was soon washed away by the tears that came down her face.

She misses those times. She misses the times where she could just laugh with her family and be happy.

All of that was taken from her, it's gone now.

That's why she has to kill the Titans. That's why she has to destroy them all.

But the bright side of this is she doesn't have to worry anyone else dying on her. Now that she was alone she didn't have time to worry about other people.

That was a good thing.

Was it though?

.....

"AHHHH!" WHATS GOING ON?" An old man yelled out.

"SWEETIE GET BACK INSIDE!" A women screamed out to her lover she didn't have time to reach out to him because he was already being picked up by a mindless titan.

"HONEY!" She yelled out to him.

A little girl came running outside. "DADDY WAIT!" she cried tears pooling around her eyes.

"SWEETIE GET BACK INSIDE!" another lady ran out to the young girl.

"MOM!"

She was more of an older women, she could barely even walk but once she saw her precious grand daughter out there it's like she could run a whole mile.

Everything goes black and the little girl is alone.

Shes alone in the dark space.

"Hello!" She calls out but no one answers.

She walks around holding on to her doll her father made for her.

"It's your fault!" She hears faint whispers in the air.

"It's your fault!" she turns around and no one is there.

"It's your fault, you're weak" multiple voices start to pile on top of one another and they eventually start to scream at the little girl.

She covers her ears but it's no use her head feels like it can explode. "Shut up!" she yells

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

It's no use.

"STOP!" she comes up from the deep sleep she was once in.

Another nightmare.

"Are you okay?" She hears a familiar voice call down to her. She looks up and sees her roommate at the top bunk.

Sasha was her name.

"Yes i'm fine" Harmony tells the girl.

"Are you sure, you were tossing and turning a lot last night" Sasha tells her.

"Yes, i'm fine like I said" Harmony spits getting angry at the constant nagging she was doing.

Sasha refrains from asking any more questions, she clearly knows when Harmony is in one of those moods.

She feels like a furnace, she's too hot to be in this little room so she leaves out the room to get some fresh air.

It's still dark outside? How long was she asleep for? It had to have only been a couple of minutes.

She looks up at the sky, she can't help but get lost at looking at all the stars in the sky. She wishes she could count every single one of them. There was always to many though.

She did that a lot with her mom. They would come out here and count all the stars till she slowly started to fall asleep. Well she would pretend to be asleep. She smiles at the memory.

But starts to cry once again. Why can't she stop crying every time she thinks of her mom?

Eren was only trying to get a pale of water until he saw Harmony close by the well. He stops, he doesn't know why though?

He usually would never stop what he was doing just becasue she was around, it's probably because he wants to see what she was doing.

She was looking at the sky, why was she out so late? Could she not sleep?

Wait why is he worried about what she is doing? It's not like he cares about her anything......

He gets interrupted by his thoughts when he hears a faint sob leave her chest. She's crying? But why?

Should he say something? No she won't like that.

He does the only thing he can think of and just walks up to the well and pretend he never saw her.

Yeah that's the perfect idea, he thinks.

She turns around when she hears someone coming up behind her she thinks it's Sasha again and she tries to mentally prepare herself for the questions she is going to get asked but when she looks over it's not her at all.

Instead it's him. Eren.

She doesn't hide the eye roll she does when she sees him.

"Hey to you to then" he sarcastically says.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Why is it any of your business" she interrupts him.

"It's not, i'm just asking" this is the first time that he didn't scream or insult her when she was being rude to him.

What's up with him?

"I'm just looking at the stars" she says quietly.

"Oh, you like to star gaze?"

"Yeah, is that a problem?"

"Oh..... umm.... no it's just, I like to look at the stars too" he says while putting the bucket down.

She turns his way shocked at his answer. "Wait! Really?" she gushed.

He smiles at her reaction.

That was actually really..... cute. He thought.

"Yeah, umm you see that star up there" he points.

"I called that one the big toe" he exclaimed a light flashing in his eyes.

"The big toe?" she smiles a little at the ridiculous nickname. "Why that name?"

"Well you see at the time me and Mikasa had been beating up these dudes who were picking on Armin, and one of them and fallen and broke his big toe." He tries to control his laughter.

"It was actually quite hilarious because it was the first star that had appeared in the night sky, we named it that because it was a reminder to us that we won't let anyone stand in our way" he looks up again and Harmony just sits and listens.

"It was basically a promise between all three of us .... we've kept it ever since" he says.

Their friendship is so powerful. Her heart tugs at the feeling, she feels....envy.

When he looks back at Harmony he can't help but feel like he has seen her from somewhere.

Maybe she wouldn't feel this way if only she had her family still here. If only that day didn't happen. If only she had did something to help them.

"It's your fault"

She turns around looking at Eren thinking he spoke. But it wasn't him.

"It's your fault" she hears once again.

Who's saying that?

"it's your fault"

She feels her head starting pound against her skull and she starts to twitch and Eren notices.

She scrunch's her eyes to try and numb the pain but it doesn't work. The pounding gets louder and louder and she eventually starts to moan and the pain.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asks.

"I'm fine!" She blurts out. "Ah!" she yells holding her head in her hands.

"it's your fault"

"Stop it!" She yells out.

"Harmony-" Eren tries to reach out to her but she smacks his hand away.

"I told you i'm fine!" she growled. She lands on her knees holding her head in her hands to try and get the pain away.

"It's your fault"

"SHUT UP!" she screams out.

Eren doesn't know what to do or say. He just stares out to her. She takes deep heavy breaths and he wants to reach out to her again but he is scared at getting yelled at again.

She tries to stand back up and turns and looks at Eren who has a confusing look on his face.

"What the hell are you looking at?!"

"Nothing i-i was just-"

"ITS NIT MY FAULT!" she screams at him. What is she saying?

Why does she feel like this? She feels like she just run another one of those 10 laps. Maybe she needs to take a nap. Yeah sleeping will help.

"Harmony-" he tries to reach his hand out to her but she punches him instead.

"Stay the hell away from me! I know what you're doing. You trying to find my weak points right? Well that's not gonna happen, because i'm not weak!" she hissed.

Eren hold his face in his hands. "WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU WITCH?!" He screams. But she is already inside her room before she can insult him back.

Just when he thought she has changed she went right back to who she was.

Maybe there wasn't anything special about her? Maybe he is just imagining things. God he hates her.

He spits blood out of his mouth and grabs the bucket and gets water from the well, but he stops for a moment.

Maybe there isn't another Harmony hiding under all that hardness and roughness. Maybe that is who she is.

It can't be though. That day she seemed so different, what's wrong with her now? And why the hell was she screaming that way? Is she in pain?

Why do I care? He thinks.

.....

#eren yaegar #eren smut #eren icons #eren #eren headcanons #eren x reader #eren x #eren x poc!reader #eren jeager smut #eren.txt #eren yeager #eren aot #attack on titan eren #eren jaeger #eren x y/n #eren jeager x reader

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