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mypoisonedvine · 1 year

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𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘧𝘶𝘭 || joel miller x reader

𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺 || joel wasn't looking for a follower, or a protégé, or an employee— whatever you're supposed to be— when he saved some dumbass kid from a couple runners. but he ended up with you anyways, and you swore to always be faithful to him... in every way.

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 || 9.2k

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 || smut (18+ only; oral f receiving, unprotected sex, very slight dacryphilia kinda?, a touch of degradation and dumbification in there, and virginity loss with some pain and one mention of blood), heavy age gap (not specified but the reader is absolutely an adult), insecure crybaby reader, unrequited love/pining, reader wants to fuck joel so bad it makes her look stupid (and we love that for her cause same), angst, tess getting kinda screwed over but only because it's absolutely necessary for the plot, emotionally repressed joel, mention of reader's parents being deceased (implied to be infected)

this fic does not contain spoilers for anything but minor details from episode one!

They were doing that thing again— where they talked in front of you, as if you weren’t there.

“So we make the run tonight,” Tess decided, standing while Joel sat on the worn-out sofa with his hands clasped and his elbows resting on his knees. “We should be back by four, that’s when the FEDRA boys have their shift change, so we can avoid too much risk of getting caught.”

“What should I do?” you piped up. They both looked at you with that oh yeah, she’s here glare and Tess sighed; she didn’t try very hard to hide her frustration with you, but at the same time, she was actually nice to you when she was in a good mood (which was rare). Joel was less mean but also less nice— he stayed steady in his neutral-to-mildly-irritated state, and you figured if he wanted you to fuck off, he would’ve said so (probably in those exact words, too).

At the same time, they both instructed you flatly: “Keep watch.”

You sighed, shoulders sinking. “Again? Can’t I at least—?”

“You’re safer here,” Joel insisted.

“Yeah, and your gun is safer in the box under the bed, but it’s not gonna do shit to protect you if you never take it out,” you countered.

Tess scoffed. “And what are you gonna do to protect us?”

“I wasn’t,” you admitted. “You know I’m a great shot, but I wasn’t gonna try to shoot anybody. I’m quieter than both of you. I can get in and out better— and nobody’s looking for me. Everybody knows you’re smuggling—”

“Not everybody,” Joel defended himself in a mumble.

“ — so if I do get caught, I can probably get out of a search,” you bargained.

“And what are you gonna do to get out of a search?” Tess smirked. “Bat your eyelashes?”

That did sting, but you rolled your eyes and hoped you had effectively looked like it didn’t affect you at all. “If implying that I’m pretty enough to get out of a search is supposed to be an insult, I can’t wait to hear one of your compliments, Tess,” you replied— but your voice was soft and almost shaky, not as confident as the comeback merited. That summarized you pretty well: you had the will to be tough, but when it was time to really go for it, your body failed you and your hands got shaky and your eyes watered. Almost anything could make you cry, Tess had already made fun of you for it; Joel just seemed to get really uncomfortable when you started crying, but you always did your best to hide it from him. It just didn’t usually work.

Your whole face probably lit up when you caught Joel’s suppressed smile— did he think your joke was funny? He hadn’t been smiling when Tess made fun of you, so it had to be what you said— or maybe he was thinking of something he would say if he cared enough to say it, some comment about how you could do more than that to get out of being searched. He didn’t seem the type to make comments like that, but he was well aware what guards might let (or make) a girl do to avoid punishment.

“Whatever,” Tess decided, shaking her head, “you’re not coming with us, that’s the point.”

“Joel gets a say, too!” you blurted out. “You can’t just pick for him that I’m not coming, he has to—”

“You’ll stay here,” he interrupted. So much for getting Joel to let you go— you thought maybe he would side with you, for once. Deflating, you nodded, and they stopped paying attention to you at the same time that you stopped paying attention to them.

Your mind wandered in times like this, when they were talking and it was clear that it didn’t concern you; Tess said once that you had an ‘overactive imagination’, but she hadn’t said it in a really mean way (like she said most things). You didn’t want Joel to think that you were always daydreaming, but you couldn’t help it sometimes— you really just hoped that he didn’t know he was the subject of so many of your thoughts.

Truth was, he’d caught your eye long before he even knew you existed. You’d seen him around, doing all those odd jobs he did to make ends meet, and thought he was… well, handsome, but not just that. Mysterious. Intimidating, though he didn’t exactly intimidate you— okay, he did, but not like he did everybody else. He intimidated others because they were afraid he would hurt them; he intimidated you because you kind of wanted him to hurt you. Not, you know, bad, just… maybe a hand around the neck or pinning you to a wall or something?

It wasn’t in spite of your inexperience that you had thoughts like that— it was because of it; you had been lonely for a long, long time, and maybe it was just fantasy, but you always wanted someone like Joel. You wanted someone to take care of you, protect you. You were just guessing that he was capable of that, but he proved it when you met for the first time.

It wasn’t exactly a meet-cute, or even just a pleasant way to meet; you were short on rations, because you’d given most of yours away to Mrs. Davis who was too old and weak now to earn any extra for herself, and someone offered to pay you ten if you snuck something they could sell out of the old mall in the QZ… well, that went about as poorly as anyone would’ve expected.

You asked Joel what he was doing there, after he’d saved you from the runners, but he refused to tell you. Either way, it was the best luck you ever had that he showed up and fought them off. For a moment, he’d held you close to him as he pulled you away from the Infected; you wished, later, that you hadn’t been too terrified to appreciate that.

Ever since, you’d sworn yourself to him— in more ways than one, but he only knew about the main one: you wanted to assist him however you could, figuring after he saved your life that you should dedicate it to his service. Well, Joel had never been interested in your assistance, or anything else about you. It was actually Tess' idea to let you stay: "if she wants to help, let her do it for free," she whispered to Joel, and he shrugged, and he did. That was how it ended up like this: you were the squeaky, wobbly third wheel of Joel and Tess’ operation, more often than not doing the least important work if not filling your time with essentially goose-chase tasks they invented to keep you occupied. Keep watch and listen to the radio were your biggest assignments; just wait here was another common one, when they were too lazy to call it one of the other two.

Tess left a little while later, and Joel laid down on the sofa. You broke away from your thoughts and tried to make yourself useful— you got up to rinse the dishes, humming a random tune to yourself as you worked. You were already back inside your head, wondering if you should tell Joel it was a song you’d heard on his radio and had stuck in your head ever since. Probably not worth it; it usually didn’t go well when you tried to talk about things like that. Joel and Tess talked about before a lot— well, it wasn't that often, because it wasn't very productive to talk about it. But they talked about it occasionally and you never had anything to say. Once, you tried to weigh in: they were reminiscing on concerts before the outbreak, bands and artists they remembered, and you chirped about how "I read about that in a book once!"

They both glared at you, and you didn't say anything else. But you didn’t take it too personally, they just didn’t want to feel old— but you didn’t think either of them were old! These days, old wasn’t a matter of years, it was really just about usefulness— like poor Mrs. Davis, she was old, she couldn’t do much for herself anymore— and they were both… actually, they were both significantly more useful than you. That made you sad. But at least Joel had helped you get better with guns— not that he ever let you carry one.

“I didn’t ask you to do that,” Joel broke the silence as you washed his favorite mug.

“I know,” you said back, voice light and chipper. “You don’t have to.”

You felt his eyes linger on you for a moment after that, but he didn’t say anything else.

Though they had decided already that you weren’t joining them on the run, you ended up there— mostly by happenstance— when Joel and Tess met with the buyer who wanted half of what they managed to bring back. Not many people in the QZ could afford that kind of contraband, so it made sense that it was one of the FEDRA soldier’s bankrolling this. They were by no means rich, but they had a lot of pull and could provide all sorts of ration cards and promises to look the other way if future issues arose. He couldn’t guarantee safe movement out and back in through the boundaries of the city, but he at least promised to look the other way in any future run-ins with the law.

“So that’s it: you’ll leave at eleven, you’re back by four, and you bring me my share the next day during my break?” the soldier confirmed.

“Yep,” Tess agreed. “Quick and painless. Hopefully.”

You didn’t expect the man’s eyes to land on you, but you didn’t particularly care for it. "Is your little lap dog coming, too?" he smirked, glancing at Joel after he was finished raking his stare over you.

Your face got hot instantly, with shame and confusion. "I— I'm not in his lap," you denied, "that's not— we don't—"

“No,” Joel interrupted firmly, “she’s not coming.”

There was an awkward silence, the place where he might’ve said and she’s not my lap dog, if he cared much about the accusation. Tess seemed to be hanging onto that silence nearly as tightly as you were.

“Whatever,” the soldier finally brought everyone’s attention back to the conversation, “just meet me here tomorrow at half past one, and we’ll see what you’ve got.”

You were still thinking about that conversation that night— while you were keeping watch, like Joel had asked you to. It was really boring; you spent most of the time on the couch, reading a book you’d bought off someone for a few rations. After a while, your curiosity got the better of you, and you started snooping around Joel’s apartment. There wasn’t much to look at… he didn’t own much, just a few shirts— actually, you thought those jeans he always wore might be his only pair…

Your search led you to his bed. Even with no one here to see you do it, you were a little embarrassed to lean in and take a whiff of his pillow— but it was totally worth it. It smelled just like him, that warm piney kind of scent he had; in times like this, not many people could afford to smell nice, but Joel could. Not to say that he was the type to splurge on all the nicest stuff, you were pretty sure he didn’t even own cologne, but he owned shampoo and deodorant, so that put him in the 80th percentile for hygiene in the Boston QZ.

But it wasn’t just those products you smelled on his sheets— there was something quintessentially Joel to it all, something impossible to define but incredibly addictive. It was instinctual, the way you got in his bed and curled up in those sheets, burying yourself in the comfort of him. It was so easy to imagine how he might hold you, now that you were here— all you were missing was his strength, his weight, slow and steady breaths behind you as he drifted to sleep…

You woke up when you heard the door shut. Startled into sitting up, you were hoping you’d have time to get out of his bed before he saw you— but he was already standing there, staring at you. He was just a shape in the dark, so you couldn’t see his face, but you heard the exasperated sigh.

“I thought I told you to sleep on the couch,” he said.

“R-right, sorry,” you coughed, recalling last time this happened with a pained wince.

“Better yet, I thought I told you to keep watch!”

“You know you just say that,” you mumbled, “so you can keep me away from the real work.”

He didn’t say anything, probably because he knew you were right— but even if he’d wanted to, he couldn’t, because Tess walked in a second later. “Can’t believe he tried to stiff us,” she was saying as she walked in, half-laughing in frustration. “Well, yeah I can,” she added a second later.

Her attitude changed when she saw you in the bed. “I— I’ll go back to my—” you started, but you ended up just getting up and leaving in a hurry before you could really finish your thought.

Wiping a small tear from under your eye quickly, you walked out of Joel’s apartment and started for your own bunk across the city— even though it was more likely than not that somebody would hassle you for walking around during curfew.

Yes, if you had a little more self-respect, you would just stop hanging around those two and find some other work to do, but Joel had done something for you that you could never repay and never forget. He didn’t have to love you the way you loved him— and you’d been sure for a while that he never would— but couldn’t he at least be a little nicer? You wouldn’t feel right being anywhere but at his side, no matter how much he made it seem like he never wanted you there at all.

Honestly, you did consider not going back the next morning— but you figured they might actually need you for the next part. Okay, not need, but they could at least use you for something: after smuggling anything in, you need a fence, someone to pawn this stuff off. Joel and Tess did a decent job of keeping a low profile, but it was even easier to do so when they had someone like you moving contraband around Boston’s population.

So, after a few hours of sleep on that radically uncomfortable cot, you decided to head back to Joel’s place. The sun was just above the horizon by this time, but only the people working early shifts for their rations were up now; you liked the city best when it was quiet like this, but then again, you liked almost everything better quiet.

Usually, Joel’s apartment was the same way. But when you walked in, the energy was completely different than you were used to. Where you’d normally find Tess counting up the score while Joel sipped on coffee (or liquor, depending most on the hour), instead you walked in on what was clearly a lover’s quarrel.

The thing was, this was not your typical argument— they were doing it Joel and Tess style, which is to say, as repressed as possible. In fact, they weren’t even talking when you walked in, but just the way they were standing was indicative of the discomfort they were clearly trying not to acknowledge.

Tess was at the window, arms crossed, looking at the view; and you knew that was a bad sign, because there was no view to be had, the QZ was an eyesore and she complained about it all the time. Joel was sitting at the table, facing the other way, his hand squeezing his own fist instead of the handle of his mug— it didn’t look injured, but his face still had a hint of pain on it.

“I’m sorry—” you mumbled, not sure what you were apologizing for yet, but Tess interrupted you.

“I’ll go,” she decided, walking over to the table.

“Okay,” Joel agreed, not looking at her.

Well, you were no relationship expert, and you didn’t even know what they were arguing about… but you knew that was pretty cold. “So that’s all you’re gonna say to me?” Tess prompted him, her tone tight and her eyes red.

You kept your head low, as if that would hide the fact that you could clearly see and hear all this.

“Yeah,” Joel decided, not as aloof as usual; it reminded you of how he usually spoke to you, that frustration, but it was definitely different. More… exhausted. “Yeah, it is.”

Tess put her weight predominantly on one leg, her hips shifting, as she let out a scoffing sort of breath. For a moment, she looked at you; you looked back at her shyly from beneath your brows before looking away. Why would she look at me right now?

Shaking her head, she left, mumbling to herself but you couldn’t make it out. The door slammed behind her. Joel sighed next.

“Everything okay?” you asked sheepishly, twisting your boot on the floor to watch the shapes it made in the thin layer of dust.

“Clearly,” he insisted, and the sarcasm was obvious though his voice was neutral. You could tell he didn’t want you to prod more— anyone who knew Joel for two minutes would know that— but you still chewed your lip as you wondered what you should do.

Your attention turned to the stacks of contraband on the table; most of it was perfectly legal material to own, just not legal to acquire from outside the city’s perimeter. “Looks like a good haul this time,” you noticed, hoping a change of subject would soothe him a little. Maybe it did, but he didn’t show it. He just kept squeezing his fist, and you gently sat down across from him at the table— and you started doing what you figured you should, going through what they’d brought back and starting to figure how much you could get for it.

For a while, he entertained that conversation, though with as short of responses as possible. Not even a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, just hums and grunts that got the point across. You could tell he was thinking, but you could also tell he didn’t want to be— that he’d rather forget about all that. For once, he was struggling to do that.

It scared you to imagine doing something he so obviously didn’t want you to do, but you knew you couldn’t ignore it forever. “What made her so upset?” you asked softly, finally.

He paused for so long that you thought he was just ignoring your question, but he did eventually say something. “She told me something I wasn’t ready to hear,” he answered, “and… and I guess I said the wrong thing.”

“What did you say?”

“Actually, I didn’t say anything,” he admitted with a thin laugh. “But, I said nothing in the wrong way.”

"... Do you think she'll come back?" you pressed, and his sigh was answer enough.

You had to wonder if he'd make you a real partner in all this now. Probably not, right? He thought so little of you before, that wouldn't change just because Tess was out.

“I’m sorry,” you decided.

“It’s not your fault,” he promised. “It was me.”

You didn’t press on that, already thankful and pleasantly surprised by how much he’d shared. He stood up a moment later, leaving the table and moving to the kitchenette so he could make some coffee; oddly, that comforted you. Like things were going to go forward now, like life could be normal again and he would still drink his coffee.

For a while, it was quiet— just how you liked it, and how you figured he liked it, too. He was humming a song at one point but you didn’t think he realized he was doing it.

It was so quiet, in fact, that when you went to lay on the sofa later, you ended up accidentally dozing off. You couldn’t say how long you were asleep— you were pretty underslept, but it didn’t feel like more than an hour— just that you were awoken to the sound of movement in the kitchen area.

Sitting up, you tilted your head when you saw Joel had begun packing up the contraband haul— well, half of it. “What are you—?” you began to ask, but then you saw the time, and you remembered; but he answered you anyways.

“Our buyer’s on his break now,” Joel announced as he stuffed a pack of bandages into his bag. “I said I would meet him to show him what we got.”

“I can go with you!” you announced. “You know, if Tess isn’t—”

“It’s fine,” he insisted, “I can do it myself.”

“Joel, please,” you pressed, “I promise I’ll do whatever you need me to, I just wanna help—”

“I need you to stay here,” he frowned.

Some things never change, huh? “Why don’t you just let me go? Let me help you?” you whimpered, lip shaking as you started to cry. You hated yourself for it, but you knew you couldn’t stop it.

There was a pause before he responded. “I don’t like the way he looks at you,” Joel explained, but you doubted that was the real reason he didn’t want you to come. “It only takes one of us, you’re better off here.”

“Tess was gonna go!” you reminded him, getting more upset. "I know I'm not…" you trailed off as you tried not to cry too much or too loudly. "I can't do what she can— I'm not strong…"

He sighed as he knelt down in front of you, resting his hand on your knee. You peeked out from behind your fingers, but looked down again.

"I'm not— I'm not smart, either," you whimpered. "I don't know anything, about before, about now—"

"That's not true," he mumbled, but you weren't finished yet.

"Nobody knows why you even keep me around, I sure don't," you shrugged, dropping your hands defeatedly, hot tears running faster down your face and dripping onto your pants; his hand reached up and wiped your cheeks with a gentleness you never knew he had. “M’not… I’m not tough, like you guys…”

"You know what you are, little girl?" he replied quietly. "You're good. You're sweet. Me an' Tess, we need someone like you to keep us from bein' sad old assholes all the time…"

He sighed, and you thought was done talking, until he spoke again, softer.

"I need someone like you."

Your heart swelled, and light filled your chest, until you had just enough confidence to finally blurt out what you'd been holding in for months: "Joel, you should know that I always—"

"Shh," he soothed, nodding. "I know."

Your face got hot instantly again, and your heart sank. "I think everybody knows," you mumbled awkwardly, giving him a half-smile through the drying tears. "But I thought— it's just that you never—"

“I couldn’t,” he insisted. “You understand that? I couldn’t, not with you—”

“Why not?” you snapped. “Why can’t you?”

“If you don’t know why, you’re more hopeless than I thought,” he frowned.

“I know— I know I’m… a lot younger than you…” you mumbled, almost not wanting to say it in case he actually hadn’t noticed that. “I know you think I’m not very mature and stuff… but that shouldn’t matter when you really love someone—”

“Woah, hey,” he coughed, “love? Sweetheart, you’ve got a crush—”

“No! Don’t tell me how I feel,” you snapped, surprising both of you with your sudden ability to stand up to him. “You can tell me what to do but not what to feel.”

“Okay,” he softened up, “fine. That’s fair. But it’ll pass—”

"I've never loved anybody before," you whimpered, "and I'm never gonna love anybody like I love you. I know that! I know you think I'm just a stupid kid who doesn't understand love, but I know that I really love you! Okay? So just… just stop talking! Doesn’t need to take this long for you to reject me, geez…”

There was a pregnant pause, you were too caught up in your own frustration to really notice it: the way he looked to the side, chewing on the inside of his cheek for a moment. You weren’t expecting him to say anything after that, so it nearly startled you when he spoke. “It was last night, after you left,” he explained. “I— I thought about telling you to come back, figured you’d be safer on the couch than walking back across the city at that time…”

Wrapping your arms around your chest, you smiled a little imagining that, but you knew you couldn’t have taken him up on that offer: it would’ve killed you, trying to sleep on that sofa while Joel and Tess shared the bed.

“She told me not to,” Joel continued. “That’s… that’s how it started, I guess…”

“That girl’s so obsessed with you,” Tess laughed lightly, toying with Joel’s lapel. “It’s cute, really. I mean, it’s sad— but it’s cute.”

“Hm,” Joel said first, not really listening— it took him a second to properly react. “Why is it sad?” he asked when her words processed completely.

“‘Cause she thinks she might actually have a chance,” Tess explained.

That was it, what he did wrong; he sees it now, in retrospect, but at the time he figured saying nothing was his safest bet. Apparently, he didn’t have to say anything.

“Shit,” Tess said suddenly, moving instantly from shock to anger. “Are you fucking serious?”

“What?” Joel spat.

“You know fucking what,” she returned sharply. “That look— you looked away.”

“Okay? So?” Joel tried to defend himself, but he knew that she knew now— believe it or not, he really wasn’t much of a liar. Especially with her.

“She’s a goddamn fetus, Joel,” Tess reminded him. “She hasn’t seen a hundredth of the shit we’ve seen, she hasn’t lost anyone—”

“Lost her parents,” Joel corrected.

“Well, we all lose our parents,” Tess rolled her eyes, “that’s part of life.”

Not the way she lost them, Joel wanted to add, but he was going back to his original plan of saying nothing.

“She’s not like us,” Tess insisted.

“Maybe that’s a good thing,” Joel decided.

That was the point of no return; because Tess had never thought of you as competition, she barely even thought of you at all, but if innocence was something he wanted… then the competition was already over before it even started. The silence was heavy, more sad than angry, and Joel knew he really fucked up because he’d never really seen Tess speechless before. Is it bad that he didn’t regret it, though? Maybe he could’ve handled things better, but telling her the truth couldn’t be wrong. It’s not like he’d been hiding it, really— he never even acknowledged it himself, not often.

“I can’t believe you,” she shook her head, and shame twisted in his gut. “Part of me always— not always, I guess, but part of me wondered. Sometimes the way you looked at her…”

As she trailed off, Joel looked down, too afraid for her to look in his eyes now.

“You’d do anything to keep her safe,” she said instead of finishing that last thought. “I told myself you didn’t look at me like that because you knew I could protect myself.”

“I do,” he promised.

“So what do you want?” she asked point-blank. “Something you can protect, or something you don’t have to?”

“And what did you say?” you asked hurriedly.

“I told her what I wanted,” was all he replied, and your heart skipped. “And that’s… that’s why she left.”

Joel nodded slightly, looking away. But you reached out and touched his face, turning it back towards you. Impulsively, you leaned forward and kissed him; it took all the courage you had, and a hand on his shoulder for balance, but you felt him kiss you back after a moment. It was gentle, for how sudden it was, and you sighed as his hand moved higher up your leg.

You were still crying, because of course you were, but he didn’t mind as much as you’d worried: he only wiped your tears away, holding onto your face, standing up and pulling you with him.

“I love you,” you whispered as he embraced you, wanting to say it a thousand times now that it wasn’t the worst-kept secret in Boston. “I love you, Joel—”

“I know,” he promised, whispering back into the kiss which got deeper with each passing moment. “I know, darlin’.”

That was enough for you— that was plenty: the way he kissed you, and held you, calling you darlin’ in that rough-yet-gentle voice… you were weak already, melting into his touch, ready to give him anything.

In fact, he had to put a hand on your shoulder and gently push you away to get you to calm down, and your face heated up as you realized how eager you’d been. “Don’t need to get so worked up, m’gonna take care of you now, okay?”

“You always take care of me,�� you noticed.

“A different way,” he explained.

Just the way those brown eyes darkened, just the way he said that made your thighs clench against each other. “Y-you’ll miss the meeting with the buyer,” you realized.

“Fuck,” Joel grumbled, and you smiled a bit. “Waited this long and now I’ve gotta fuckin’ leave you again.”

Your hand rested on his chest, the soft flannel of his shirt transmitting some of the warmth of his body, and you looked up with him with wide, wet eyes.

“I know you hate waitin’ here, but… I always liked it,” he admitted, his voice softer yet deeper. “I always liked knowing you were here, waiting for me…”

Your heart swelled. “Y-yeah— I didn’t mind waiting for you so much,” you admitted in return, “just didn’t want you to think that’s all I was good for.”

He kissed your temple, making your chest flood with warmth. “I know,” he promised. “You’ll be here when I get back, won’tcha? Can’t disappear on me now.”

“I won’t, I’ll be here,” you assured, turning your face to peck his cheek in return. It seemed to surprise him, like he hadn’t had tenderness of that sort in a long time.

Funny how you’d waited for him all night before, but that half hour felt longer than all of them combined. You were quite sure you knew what he meant before— about how he would take care of you in a different way— and it put you on edge all afternoon.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d kissed you, about his hands pulling you closer. Or his eyes: if he’d ever looked at you like that before, you hadn’t noticed (which was probably what he intended).

For how much time you spent wondering what you would do, what you would say, when he returned, you ended up not doing much of either: he was on you the moment he stepped in the door, though that was sort of what you’d been betting on when you decided to strip down to just your underwear and wait for him like that. Not that you minded the idea of him, you know, tearing your clothes off like one of those romance novels— you just didn’t like the idea of having to wait any longer than you already had and this shirt had way too many buttons.

He did take a moment to stare you down when he came back, to appreciate your nakedness, and despite imagining showing yourself to him many times before, you felt a little self-conscious with his eyes just piercing through you like that: you didn’t cover yourself, ignoring a slight instinct to do so, but you did wrap your arms over your stomach and cross your legs as you sat on his bed.

Waiting for him to say something— or, possibly, waiting for yourself to find some courage to speak— you were a little taken aback when he grabbed you and kissed you. And you realized, as his lips moved with yours even harder, deeper, needier than before, that there was nothing else to say.

He climbed on top of you on that bed, laid you down on it gently, as his weight pressed you down into the mattress. You could've sworn you heard him growl when he rocked his hips against yours, a firm bulge in his jeans pressing right up to where heat had gathered between your legs.

Fingers weaving in his hair, you hummed as you did all you could to keep him close, as if he might just disappear if you didn’t hold him near to you. But he didn’t seem like much of a flight risk, considering his tight grip on you— so tight it could leave marks, which you hoped it would. You needed more than just memories of this.

“Tell me this is what you want,” he demanded, his voice breathless yet somehow not weak at all. “Need to know you want this.”

“Fuck, Joel, f’course,” you promised— wasn’t it obvious? It probably was. But you could understand if he was still fighting back some guilt; you just wanted to do everything you could to help him forget about that. “So bad,” you continued, “for so long…”

“Since I saved you?” he assumed, his teeth grazing your lip like a threat to bite down harder— a threat that made you throb from the inside out.

“Before,” you admitted, smiling sheepishly.

“Didn’t even know me before,” he noticed, raising an eyebrow.

“Saw you around sometimes—” god, am I blushing as hard as it feels like I am? — “thought maybe you could… you know…”

Protect me. Hold me. Take care of me. And fuck me like the world is ending even though it already did.

He smirked at you proudly, leaning in to kiss your neck this time, following some invisible trail that made you even more sensitive to the touch of his lips; after he kissed right under your ear, he whispered to you.

“Then just go ahead and take what you want, darlin’.”

After a shiver ran over you, so strong you thought it might never end, your hands shot down between you so you could get to work on his belt and fly; you felt his smile against your skin, then his teeth a moment later, as his hand rubbed the curve of your waist gently.

Both of you gasped when your fingers wrapped gently around his cock, for different reasons. The skin was so smooth, it was hard to believe something this soft and silky was part of Joel— and it was hot, or maybe your fingers were just cold, but you hoped that didn't bother him.

He was already starting to move his hips just a bit, rocking into your touch, and you hummed when he suddenly grabbed your hand to force it to press firmer against himself. "You thought about touchin' me like this before?" he asked in a voice that was breathy and low— you loved hearing the pleasure in his voice.

"Y-yeah," you admitted shyly; when he let your hand go, your touch wandered, your hands sliding up under the bottom of his shirt so you could feel the skin there— the firm muscle, the thin scars, the graying hairs that formed a trail down his stomach…

Grabbing your wrists, he pinned them down above your head, and you let out a joyful whine. "Keep those there," he ordered, and you nodded as you watched him intently.

His hands traced down your body, making shivers run all over your skin; how could a man with so much strength touch you so delicately?

He purred as his fingers ran down to your panties, toying with the edge of the fabric before carefully pulling them down your legs. You tried not to wiggle too much, but your hips were desperate for some friction, for some attention from him— they didn't have to wait long, though. He groaned at the sight as he parted your legs, grabbing himself to rub his fat head through your folds. "Fuck," he mumbled, your channel clenching on nothing as you saw how far apart his tip forced your swollen lips, "so wet for me already, bet I'll slide right in…"

Your back arched with a moan just imagining that, and he pushed your stomach down flat with his free hand so you wouldn't angle too far away from him, laying his body atop yours. Though you tried to stay still, you couldn’t stop shaking as he lined himself up; it felt surreal, it felt hyperreal— his skin against yours was unlike anything you could’ve imagined.

You’d sort of wondered if he’d say something before he put it in, maybe a quick you ready? or even here it comes which would’ve been stupid but an appreciated warning nonetheless. Instead, he just looked at your face carefully, and pushed inside. It was sudden, sharp; your whole body tensed up and you sucked in a breath before biting your lip.

He only made it halfway in, struggling against how tight you were. You were doing everything you could not to give away your pain, but he must've seen it in your expression.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a hoarse whisper. "I'm hurting you…"

"No— Joel, please don't stop—"

You wrapped your legs around his hips to try to keep him inside, but he pulled out most of the way and looked down— and you winced when he saw the blood. "Baby, you… are you— is this your—? Fuck, why didn't you say something?"

"You wouldn't have done it with me if you knew it was my first time," you explained with a whimper.

"No, baby— I just would've taken my time with you, s'all," he sighed, "would've helped you— sweetie, it didn't need to hurt like that…"

Clutching tighter at his shirt, you pulled him down into a needy kiss. "Hurt me more, Joel," you pleaded into it with a breathy whisper, "do whatever you want to me. I'm yours— that's all I want, just to be yours."

He kissed you back, slow but passionate; but, much to your dismay, he pulled out and sat up.

"No, Joel, I'm sorry," you whined, "I'm sorry— I didn't mean to lie, I'm so sorry, I promise I can be good! M'gonna be really good for you!"

But he just shook his head, and you bit your quivering lip as tears ran down your temples. He smiled, just a little. "Such a crybaby," he scolded you softly. "What am I gonna do with you, little girl? You can't even keep yourself together."

He leaned down again, but he slid his knees down on the bed so he could position his face between your legs. He kissed your inner thigh first, and you jumped because it tickled.

Then he held your hips, running his thumbs over your skin soothingly, and you tried not to squirm too much as he looked up at you with those dark eyes— much darker than before. “You want me to taste you?” he asked, like it was your idea or something.

“Uh, yeah,” you mumbled sheepishly, and he actually laughed for a moment.

“Yeah?” he repeated. “Could you be a little more specific?”

Oh— he wants me to beg. “Um— please? Taste me, Joel…”

He smiled, but not like a haha funny smile or an oh that’s nice smile— a really dirty kind of smile, even though his teeth were actually in better condition than most out here. “Okay, baby,” he agreed.

He was subtle about it at first, just giving gentle kisses all around; you felt… exposed, even more than you had with his face between your legs before.

“Is that alright?” he asked, his voice rougher than the last time you heard it.

“Y-yeah,” you choked, clearing your throat. “Don’t… don’t stop, please…”

When he got back to it, he was much more aggressive— long, slow licks between your lips, sloppy kisses with his eyes shut tight; and you whined as you held on tighter to the sheets. You didn’t realize how hard you were shaking until his grip on your thighs was bruisingly tight. And as he held you down, he just dug in deeper: every time you thought he’d stop escalating the intensity of it all, he just did it more— he just did everything more— until you couldn’t control your moans and gasps anymore.

His tongue was the fucking devil; he slid it inside you and your eyes rolled back. He sucked greedily on your clit until your hips bucked uncontrollably, moaning against your skin just enough that you could hear it over your own shameless cries.

"Joel, fuck, how are you—? Oh god—"

"Mm?" he encouraged you to finish your thought without breaking away from you.

"How does that feel so good?" you sobbed. "Oh my god— please don't stop, never stop, oh fuck!"

All he was doing was flicking his tongue over your bud, such a small interaction with a tiny little organ, and your whole body was shaking. Reaching down and grabbing his hair, you didn't mean to tug on it so hard but you also didn't expect him to moan deeply when you did.

His mouth moved a little higher, focusing on the bud you were sure had never been this swollen or this sensitive. Doing so freed your opening, and one of his thick fingers prodded at it. "Please," you panted, wanting any part of him to be inside you again.

He pushed it in, the roughness of his skin creating the perfect friction on your delicate walls. You were waiting to feel his knuckle against you, but instead he only put it in maybe halfway, not very far at all. It didn’t make much sense to you, until he started to rub one place just inside and a gasp instantly inflated your chest.

“Oh—” you choked, and he was licking harder on your clit at the same time that he added a second finger; you’d never felt anything like it before. “Joel!” you squealed, hating how girlish it sounded but helpless to the control he had over your body with just two fingers and his tongue.

His rhythm wasn’t all that fast but it was relentless, the exact tempo you needed for that pleasure to build and build, toes curling and vision getting all spotty— you tried to look down at him sometimes, but your head wanted so badly to tilt back and let everything go black.

“I— oh, fuck— I’m gonna— fuck, Joel!” you sobbed, grabbing on tighter to his hair; you took one glimpse at it, and when you saw the scattered silver hairs peeking out from between your fingers, it just made you even more overwhelmed.

He hummed and looked up at you, encouraging you— his fingers pumped faster and faster suddenly, and when it hit, you felt like your whole body was going numb. It started where he was touching you, but then a moment later it was in your head, then it was just running all over and you were too weak to do anything but give into it.

Suddenly it became too much, and the hand that had been holding him down by his hair was suddenly pushing him away; you blinked away the spots in your vision to catch a glimpse of him with that beard soaked in you, but his fingers hadn’t stopped yet. “Oh… ohhh my god…” you whined, breathing harder than you could ever remember breathing before, your head getting all dizzy and cloudy as he smirked up at you and continued fucking you with his hand.

Your hole was pulsing, flexing over and over, waves of slick leaking out until you could feel the puddle spreading under you. Your cheeks burned with humiliation, even though he kept praising you as his fingers milked everything from your swollen spot. "Good girl, good girl," he said over and over, "fuck, good job, soak the sheets, baby— soak my fingers, keep going…"

"Joel," you sobbed, desperate for some relief from the overwhelming sensation. He didn't really stop, just slowed down a lot, but he kept twisting his fingers and rubbing that one place until your quivering body collapsed completely onto his mattress. And then he went on for just a little bit longer after that.

Then he stopped. When you thought you might fucking pass out.

He climbed up your body and brought his two soaked fingers to your slack lips.

"You want a taste, too, baby?" he purred.

You dutifully opened your mouth and did your best to clean his fingers off, sucking and licking as he hummed a bit; his eyes got a little darker as he felt your tongue run all over his rough fingers.

"What do you think?" he prompted when he pulled his fingers away, and you swallowed as you made a little face.

"I dunno if I like it," you admitted nervously. "Kinda sour."

"Really? I think your pussy's fuckin' delicious."

Your face flushed, but you didn't say anything else because he was reaching down to hold his cock again— and your heart started racing.

"Ready to do this the right way?" he prompted, and you nodded eagerly. "S'gonna feel so much better, now you're all ready for me. Ready for something this big inside ya— but it might still sting at first, okay? Just hold onto me tight."

That you did, tighter than you thought you could— apparently you were stronger than you realized, especially considering that orgasm nearly took you out a minute ago. But you had to hold on that tight as he began to push that fat head inside you, stretching you so wide before he'd even gotten the ridge of it past your opening. It didn't sting like before, or at least not as much, but it was still completely overwhelming. You forgot to breathe until he was halfway in: you gasped out his name, reminding yourself he was inside you and above you and everywhere, everything.

"See how much— fuck— how much easier it is now?" he grunted, sliding into you slowly until his hips met yours. "See how you're takin' all'a me? God damn, still tight as hell, though."

You were delirious already, he hadn't even moved yet. You didn't think it could get much better than his mouth on you, than coming because of him, but this? This perfect stretch, this addictive friction, knowing he was completely inside you and that he liked how you felt? This was ecstasy, bliss. And he hadn't even fucking moved yet.

"Gonna have a hard time being gentle with you now," he admitted with a growl beside your ear. "You've got one of those perfect little pussies that just needs to be fucked hard— suckin' me in, just beggin' for it rough and fast."

"Joel," you whined, "fuck me however you want, please… I can take it, I swear, I want you so bad…"

Still, when he moved, it was slow and patient. Too goddamn slow.

"Fuck," you sobbed, back arching up off the bed as he carefully savored every detail of you. "Fuck, Joel, I can't— I can't believe you're— I can't believe it's you. I wanted you so much I couldn't fucking breathe."

He smiled at you, and leaned in to kiss your neck; you let out what could only be described as a joyful whimper. “Wanted you too,” he finally admitted. “Tried not to, you’re so young… jus’ couldn’t help it after a while.”

"Faster," you whined, "please, fuck, please please—"

"You are so goddamn spoiled, you know that?" Joel grunted— but then he did it, he fucked you even faster than you'd imagined. His thrusts were still deep and long, but they came at you quicker than you could process and you nearly screamed.

You were even more sensitive after he’d made you come the first time; it was just overwhelming, the feeling of him, and you felt like your mind had left your body— like your mind had left you entirely.

“Y’feel fuckin’ perfect, darlin’,” he praised lowly, kissing your neck with all the gentleness and patience his thrusts lacked. “So good for me.”

Maybe it was pathetic, but being good for him felt fucking amazing— not just physically, obviously. It felt like having a purpose; you’d never really felt that before.

You lost track of time; honestly, you lost track of everything. Everything that wasn’t this had fallen away, and it was just you holding on for dear life as Joel wrecked you all over again with every motion. "Hear that? How wet you are for me?" he groaned, and yes, there was a squishy-wet sound that filled the room with each thrust. You tried to answer him, say something witty about how he made you that wet so many times, but only moans came when you opened your mouth. "I asked you a question," he reminded you. "Can you fuckin' hear it?"

Whimpering, you could only bite your lip and nod.

"Oh," he smiled, "I see— you get stupid with cock in you, huh? Get fucked right and that silly brain just turns off?"

You nodded again— wasn’t much else for you to do.

"Just gonna be a dumb whore for me now?" he asked. "Just kidding, I know you already were."

“Fuck— Joel—” you choked.

"No no, it's okay— it's good,” he soothed you, kissing a tear from your temple that you hadn’t even realized was there. “You don't need to think. I don't need you to think. You can just be my fucktoy, okay? You can just be my slut. Say it."

"I-I'm your slut, Joel…"

He hummed appreciatively; your moan caught in your throat, and you tried to hide your face in his shoulder— you couldn’t believe he was still dressed, for all you knew he still had his boots on, and meanwhile you were stripped of everything. Not just your clothes: you were stripped of all pretense (didn’t need it) and dignity (didn’t want it). You’d thought of yourself as his for quite some time now, but now that he’d really made you his, it was more than you could’ve imagined.

When you came with him inside you, it wasn’t like how it was before— definitely similar, obviously the same thing at the core of it, but very different. Before it was so… sudden, like a firework going off and then glittering into darkness (at least, that was how you understood fireworks to be, you’d only ever had them explained to you). This was more like a deep pressure that just built and built and built, and then at some point you’d crossed that threshold and you were there but it didn’t go away, it just stayed at the peak while he kept moving inside you.

He grunted as your walls beared down on him, watching the tears of ecstasy stream down your face. “Tryin’ to milk my cock, huh?” he accused with a snarl to his tone. “S’that what you want?”

You weren’t really paying attention, you couldn’t while he was fucking you like that. Digging your fingers into his shoulders through the flannel shirt, you just whimpered and nodded.

“S’workin’, baby,” he smiled, “little pussy’s got me so tight— is it a little too much, honey? You’re cryin’...”

“I— I always cry,” you sniffled.

“M’not gonna make you take too much more,” he promised, “doin’ so good honey— gonna let you rest soon—”

“No, d-don’t stop,” you begged, and he laughed a little.

“I’m close,” he explained, and even though that should’ve been obvious, it made you feel better. “Normally takes me a little longer, but… never had a pussy like this.”

That was probably just flattery, but you were happy to believe it. Happy enough to just lay back and let that pleasure wash over you, but of course, he expected more of you than that.

"Tell me where I can come," he ordered.

"Fuck, Joel— anywhere you want, anywhere," you pleaded, struggling to keep your train of thought but desperate to appease him as best you could.

"Inside you?" he pressed.

"Yeah, fuck, anywhere," you insisted.

"I bet that's what you want— you want it inside. You want this cunt full and dripping."

“Fuck— yeah,” you agreed, “s’what I want— please, please—”

“Shh, don’t need to beg,” he assured sweetly, kissing your neck again— burying his face in the crook of your shoulder, until his panting breaths echoed on your skin. “Don’t need to beg, darlin’, gonna fill you nice and deep—”

“Please,” you said again, ignoring his assurances.

“Just like you need it—”

“Please, Joel— love you so much,” you sobbed, your thighs starting to go a little numb where his jeans were rubbing against them and your clit getting sore from the way he stayed deep inside and grinded himself against you.

“I know,” he promised again, “jus’ say it one more time.”

“I love you, Joel,” you cried, and it was over somewhat suddenly: he stayed still, and you could feel his grip on you tighten, and you heard that sound that was like a groan and a sigh at the same time. You’d hoped you’d be able to really feel it inside you, the warmth of his come, but everything was so hot that it was all the same— what you did feel was full, even more than you had just from his cock in you, and it was enough to make you clutch at his shoulders again despite having almost no energy left in you.

Though he stayed inside for a little while after, he did eventually have to pull out; you were too exhausted to even think about trying to close your legs when he stared down at you— at his come leaking slowly from your hole.

You knew there would need to be a conversation soon about what this all meant— what should happen now with the business, with your relationship, even just what should happen tomorrow morning since you’d both given in to instinct rather than take the safer route and have Joel pull out…

But that would have to wait; you still couldn’t think straight, you couldn’t think about anything but him in fact.

Thankfully, Joel was just fine with the silence. He just held you, let you wander between sleep and wakefulness, and wiped that last stray tear away from your face.

“I’m sorry I keep crying,” you offered quietly, breaking a long silence.

“I don’t mind,” he promised.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller hbo x reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n

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hees-mine · 8 months

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𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝟏𝟐 𝐛𝐨𝐱𝐞𝐫! - 𝐋.𝐡𝐬

𝐇𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠 ⚥ 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: smut, unprotected sex, angst kinda? cursing.

"Baby, let's go. You've been here for hours," you say to your boyfriend, who's busy hitting the punching bag like his life depended on it. Your words fall on deaf ears as he continues training like the gym wouldn't be open tomorrow. "Babe!" You shout, and he finally whips his head around at the sound of your booming voice echoing in the gym.

"Hmm?" He holds the bag, still looking at you with wide eyes as you shake your head.

"I said let's go." you walk closer to him as he does a few light jabs at the bag.

"It's okay, baby, you can leave first. I'll meet you home in a few." you roll your eyes as he practically ignores you. He asked you to come and watch him so he could show you his new moves, and that was fine until you were there watching him for the next two hours after you had already been watching him for two hours prior.

You were hungry and tired from working out with him, and you just wanted your boyfriend's attention cause he's been caught up in the stupid gym for the last couple of months, leaving you to sit at the house and wait for him to get back. "Fine," you mumbled and popped your mouth while grabbing your gym bag and getting ready to leave.

He eyes your dejected figure as you start to leave without giving him his kiss or even saying bye. "Baby?" He calls you softly but you just keep walking. Whatever he wanted to say, it could wait till he got home. "Darling, wait," he sighs and takes off his gloves, lightly jogging over to you. "Hey," he places his hands on your waist, turning you to face him. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." you shake his hand off, trying to walk away again.

"Something's wrong cause you didn't kiss me before you left," he pouts.

"Maybe I just don't want to kiss you." you fold your arms, trying your best to look angry and annoyed.

Before his heart dropped from your words, he quickly realized that you were just being moody again cause he was staying late at the gym. "I know that's a lie. You always wanna kiss me, baby, come here and give me some sugar." he drags you into his chest, pressing his lips on yours, and you feel so pathetic cause you were already melting into his touch when you were supposed to be mad at him for choosing the gym over you.

"Eww, unhand me. You're all wet and sweaty." he chuckled deeply and strengthened his hold on your waist so you couldn't run away.

"Stop playing games with me, darling. I know you like it when I'm all sweaty." he locks his arms behind your lower back, leaving you no choice but to fall into his sweat-covered chest as he leans down to whisper in your ear. "You like it when I get wet." You shudder in his hold, trying your best to hold in a whimper from his words, but you fail. You just pray he didn't hear it, but your prayers go unheard when you hear him laughing heartily and releasing his grip on you.

"Hee!" You slap his chest. "That's was not funny," you whine. "I want to leave the stupid gym."

He gasps, feigning offense for you down-talking his gym. "My gym is not stupid." he folds his arms.

"Yes, it is, and it's also keeping you away from me, so let's just go already." You grip his bicep, trying to pull him out of the gym, but he stays still.

"So that's what it is, hmm?" He smiles. "You don't think the gym is stupid. You just don't like me spending my time here."

"Hee, I don't mind you being here. It's just so often, and when I'm at home, I miss you," you mumble the last part, feeling kinda embarrassed to bring up the topic.

"Oh baby, I'm sorry. I know I get carried away sometimes." he rolls his eyes at himself. "More like I get carried away all the time," he pouts now that he's seeing things from your perspective. The whole reason he asked you to come to the gym with him was because he was missing you, but instead of staying at home and spending the day with you, he dragged you to satisfy his wants, not yours. "You know what? Let's go home, and I'll take you out for a date."

You can already feel yourself smiling. One thing you loved so much about him was how thoughtful he was. Sure, he didn't realize that he was leaving you home alone and missing his presence, but as you told him, he wanted to fix the small issue at hand.

"How does that sound, darling?" He rests his forehead on yours, smiling softly. "You forgive me?"

"Of course, hee." You go up on your toes to give him a quick kiss or what you thought was going to be quick until he hungrily latched his mouth onto yours and easily lifted you off the floor.

He groans on your lips, tongue sticking out, begging to go inside your mouth, and you moan at his eagerness, mouth automatically falling open and letting him inside.

He squeezes your hips after you wrap your legs around his waist. You tangle your hands in his hair, and he backs you up to the nearest wall, placing one of his hands beside your head as he explores your mouth and sticks his hand under your sports bra, fondling your breast.

Clinging onto him, you melt against his mouth, whimpering nonstop into the kiss as he pulls away, leaving you both breathless. "You must have really missed me."

"So bad, hee," you say, and he chuckles softly as he moves over to one of the empty gym mats, laying you down softly and taking his place between your legs.

"I miss you so bad, too."

"What are-"

"Shh baby, Shh," he kisses down your jaw, nipping at your exposed chest. "No one ever comes at this time," he reassured you, quickly leaning up to yank his tank top off, revealing every last inch of his reddish-hued chest.

You nod to yourself, driven by arousal. As you lean up, he slips his fingers inside the elastic band of your sports bra and lifts it over your head. He licks his lips, watching your tits jiggle the moment your back makes contact with the gym mat.

He swirls your nipple with his slippery hot tongue tracing over the perked-up nub.

"Heeseung," you moan, nothing but pure excitement flowing through your veins while he gives your other nipple the same amount of pleasure.

After a few minutes of toying with your nipples, he stands up, getting rid of his shorts and boxers, and even though you saw him naked more than a hundred times, the sight of his hard pulsating cock would never cease to amaze you.

Following suit, you strip off your workout shorts as he eagerly climbs over you, lining his dick up with your entrance. He pushes your knees to your chest tip, brushing over your wet hole until he lunges forward, burying himself completely in your tightness and warmth. "Fuckkkkk," he moans, eyes rolling back in his head as he savors the feeling of your wet cunt. Even though you both did it this morning, he still just couldn't get enough of you, and apparently, neither could you cause you took him inside with ease from how wet you were.

"Hee," you moan, taking his whole length as he bottoms out. You place your hands on the backs of your thighs, spreading yourself open and giving him space to press his chest against yours as he stroked deeply in your pussy.

"Can't get enough of you," he laughs into your hair pants, following soon after as he buries his face next to you. "Always so wet and tight for me," he nibbles on your ear, sighing in pleasure.

Your head falls back, arms going limp while you close your eyes, getting lost in his soft moans and deep grunts. "Mhhm hee, you're so d-deep." You feel as if the room is spinning when you feel him going balls deep with every stroke.

"mmmm, kiss me, baby," he whispers, and you catch a faint glance at his face. He looks so fucked out and exhausted. His upper chest was flushed pink, and there were endless beads of sweat dripping from the tips of his hair onto your body, but you didn't mind cause, like he said, you liked it when he was wet.

Smiling against his lips, you meet him halfway, kissing him fervently like you hadn't made out in bed with him all morning long.

You wrapped your arms around his neck as he cradled you impossibly close to his chest, and every time he moved his waist, he was massaging your clit, getting you closer and closer to the point of no return.

"I'm so close, darling, so close," he mutters, looking down at you with blown pupils and nothing but adoration in his eyes.

You're so lost in his eyes that you can't even warn him of your impending high, but he's been with you enough times to tell the very first tight clench around his base is just the beginning of the nerve-racking bliss you were both about to feel. "Let it all out, darling." he stroked the side of your cheek with his thumb.

"Hee," your eyes roll back, and just the look of your pleasured face alone made him spill the first drop of cum in your tight clenching walls.

"Darling," the pet name hangs in the air as he cums deep inside you, your walls squeezing out every drop of his cum until he's completely emptied out inside, and you're both satisfied.

Heavy breaths fill up the gym, followed by elated giggles as he peppers you with kisses. "God, I love you so much," he says cutely.

"I love you too, hee," he smiles, laying back on top of you, completely worn out from boxing and now his steamy session with you.

"I'm so tired," he mumbled into your chest.

"let's go home and shower, then we can sleep," he makes sounds of disapproval right away.

Shaking his head back and forth. "Nope, nope, nope, it's far too early, and I gotta take my pretty girl on a date." he holds your hand up to his mouth to kiss the back of it softly, making you feel butterflies like it was your first time with him all over again. "But can we please take a shower in the gym?"

"Why?" He shifts his eyes suspiciously, staying silent for a few moments.

"Cause it'll be easier to clean up after round two," he winks at you before you can say anything. He's picking you up, and you're slapping his chest while giggling.

Looks like you're both having round two in the shower then, but you weren't surprised cause your boyfriend was never done after one round in the ring or in the bedroom.

Thanks for reading please reblog and leave feedback.

#heeseung smut #enhypen smut #enhypen heeseung smut #enhypen heeseung #enhypen #heeseung #lee heeseung #enhypen scenarios #enhypen hyung line

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empress-simps · 3 months

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A Gryffindor's Grief

Pairing: James Potter x Fem! Slytherin! Reader

CW: Reader's family and language

Genre: Angst

Masterlist

Note: My first ever marauders fic! Kinda nervous to post this ngl… I'm still thinking if I should make a second part. I want to hear what you guys think about this! Requests are open! Photos used are from Pinterest! Credits to the owner!

It was forbidden love, really.

Those little moments of not-so-accidental touches, stealing glances, and discreet smiles sent each other's way were your means of communicating with each other.

James Fleamont Potter, a Gryffindor boy that was absolutely smitten with You; Slytherin's Princess.

An odd combination that would only lead to chaos.

Being one of the sacred twenty-eight wizarding families meant that you command power and respect from everyone you meet— intentionally or unintentionally. The idea about blood purity, power, and influence was already in your mind as soon as you were able to grasp things your toddler brain could handle.

You were taught to only mingle with pure-blood families, people who could be useful and loyal to you, and those with power, influence, and wealth. Your family’s distaste for muggles and muggleborns were also ingrained into your mind, as if they programmed you to believe what they believed in. It wasn’t that hard, after all you were surrounded by rich witches and wizards who are blood supremacists.

For someone who grew up with those ideals and values, you thought it was right. Although, your belief came tumbling down the longer you spend time at Hogwarts and got to know James Potter and the rest of the Marauders.

James, he made you feel alive.

It felt as if he was the breath of fresh air that you never knew you needed. Away from that suffocating Malfoy Manor, the scrutinizing gazes of your family, and away from rich pure blood problems. Being with him felt exhilarating, he was the buzz in your life. James brought so much joy into your dark, lavish, and empty lifestyle.

It was quite funny, picturing him as your knight in shining armor, whisking you away from your pretty, gold cage.

"Malfoy!" Evan Rosier, a pure-blooded Slytherin raised his hand in your direction, motioning you to come over and sit beside him during breakfast in the great hall. Cold eyes like Lucius Malfoy's travelled in his direction, a questioning brow raised.

"Rosier, you are being too loud." She commented, walking, and sitting next to him before greeting the person beside him, Regulus Black.

"Good morning, Regulus."

"Good morning, Y/n."

Barty Crouch Jr. looked up from his meal and snickered at the both of you. "Good morning, Mum and Dad." He teased, greeting you both as Evan laughed along with the other Slytherins near them. Heck even Severus has a small smirk planted on his face. "If you wish to make your family line extinct, then please feel free to continue with your remarks, Crouch."

He smirked, putting his hands up in mock surrender "Just kidding, Y/n. Geez. Rough summer, I suppose?"

You felt your lips press into a thin line, an obvious answer to the question; It was horrendous.

Evan’s laughter slowly dies, he shakes his head, “Give her a break mate, she just got the biggest news of her life during summer. Isn’t that right Y/n-“

“Shut your mouth Rosier if you do not want to be hexed into next month.” Her empty threat really doesn’t do damage to Evan, he just shrugged, taking it as a warning that you’re not in the mood for jokes.

Your father, Abraxas Malfoy and older brother, Lucius Malfoy made a huge decision for your future. Hearing rumors here and there about their Slytherin Princess being romantically involved with a blood traitor in Gryffindor enraged your father, Abraxas. That will certainly not do, they will not sit idly and watch as the Malfoy name be... tainted with those rumors.

You remember how you felt dread entering your system, fighting the urge to run and throw up as you mustered up a façade, “Those are just baseless rumors, a plot to ruin my image in school." You held your head high, praying they do not see the truth.

Abraxas stared at you, his daughter, with a monotone expression. "Your brother and I do not care whether those ridiculous rumors are true or not." Lucius nods, agreeing. What a lie. You know your family well enough to not believe what comes out of their mouths in situations like this.

"We do not care if you had relations with the boy, even though it is rumored that he is a blood traitor, you knew well enough not to fool around with mudbloods. Well done, Y/n. Perhaps you could change his views, get him to join our cause.” Lucius looked at you. You could press your lips into a thin line, trying to find an answer.

“That tactless boy's role is to only be a bed warmer for you, remember that Y/n." Your father stood from the chair he sat in the drawing room. Slowly walking towards you. “Although, I suppose it ends now. I heard Lady Walburga Black is looking for a potential bride to their heir, Regulus Black.”

After a week, it was official; You are to be wedded to Regulus Black, your friend, Sirius’ brother.

You could not do anything about the arrangement, what fight would you have put up? A young girl like you, who does not have any power, influence, and wealth could only suck it up and accept.

How you wish it was James you were betrothed to.

“James, you came.” You breathed out, seeing him take off the invisibility cloak. The moonlight in the astronomy tower complimented his features, he offered a small smile sitting beside you.

The stakes were high, you were sure underlings of your brother (and possibly father) in the school have their eyes trained to you as you enter another year in Hogwarts. You would need to find new ways to meet up with your lover. Regulus’ eyes discreetly looked towards James, who is undeniably looking at you.

“Wouldn’t want for my girl to be alone, you know?”

He joked, intertwining his finger with you, a second nature to the both of you. Squeezing his hand, you softly looked at him. “I missed you, pothead.” He leaned towards your face, kissing you on the forehead. One of the things he does that never fails to make you feel flustered. “I missed you too, love.” You rolled her eyes, slightly shoving him playfully, “Stop being sappy, Pothead.”

“You secretly like it, love. You can’t lie to me.” He grinned, although the last sentence made you tense up. James shot you a concerned look, noticing your body language. “Something wrong, love?” You were torn, deciding on whether you tell him about the engagement rather than keeping quiet and leaving him in the dark about your current situation.

“I got engaged.” Before you could even stop yourself, the words flew out of your mouth. Shit. It wasn’t how she planned to tell him. The light atmosphere suddenly became dark and heavy. You can feel James turn rigid, freezing up as he muttered. “So, it was true, huh?” He scoffed bitterly, hurt overtaking his features. “James…” You gently called, carefully placing a hand on his shoulder. He flinched, turning his body away from you.

She tried to ignore the hurt she felt, pushing it down as she understood why James was acting this way. “Sirius told me.” He choked out, still not looking at you. James really does know you well, answering the question you haven’t even voiced out yet. The slight tremble in his voice made your heart crack. You bit your lip, of course Sirius found out; he was still a Black after all.

“I love you, James. I really do.”

You spoke to him, you raised your hand, about to put a hand on his back that was still facing you but deciding against it before it touched him. Your hands faltering before dropping down to your sides. He shakes his head violently, his curly locks getting messier than they already were.

“Don’t… Don’t say it like that, love.” He pleaded, slowly turning to face you again, eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Don’t say it like you’re about to leave me. This. Us.” He croaked; you felt his large hands placed on top of yours. He brought it up to his lips, kissing the knuckles.

“James…” You managed to utter out, voice getting caught at the throat.

James knew he was acting like a child, but damn- he never thought it could hurt this much. He pictured both of you marrying each other, living in a large house with a big backyard because he insisted it will be great for when you have kids. Merlin, he even imagined about 3 or 4 kids looking like the perfect mix of you both, running out and about with their names already carefully thought out.

out. He daydreamed that the both of you grow old, watching you tell stories to your grandkids about their grandfather’s mischief during your years at Hogwarts.

“I have to, James.” She chokes out, tears spilling onto her cheeks. Those four little words made James’ little bubble of happiness burst with just a bat of an eye.

“Don’t… don’t do this to me, love.” He pleaded; he even went down onto his knees as he saw you standing up from your place beside him. Poor James, luckily it was only you, the moon, and the walls of the Astronomy Tower watched him become a wreck.

“I love you, please remember that you will always have my heart, James. I wish you find happiness.” The part ‘without me’ was unsaid but was heard. It took a lot of courage, strength, and self-control not to fall apart. Deep down, you wanted James to say the same to you, proclaiming his love again for the last time you’ll be together.

“I love you Y/n, so much. No one will ever make me feel the way you did. I’ll find a way; a way for us to be happy together. I swear on my life.” He promised, looking at you straight in the eye. You could only close your eyes before smiling at him, trying to blink the tears away. Stars, you hoped James really does find a way.

“Goodbye, Potter.” She turns, walking away.

Maybe Slytherins and Gryffindors really aren’t meant to be together.

#james potter x reader #james potter x you #marauders fanfiction #slytherin reader #james potter #marauders fic #marauders era #marauders #sirius black #regulus black #remus lupin #harry poter

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fandomonetwo · 8 months

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puppy love and flowers — remus lupin

▸summary: he's absolutely sure he loves you. he's absolutely sure you love him. flowers aren't given to just anybody.

▸characters: remus lupin x f! reader, lil snippets of james and sirius and peter

▸tw: hay fever, small sadness moment

▸a/n: consider this my apology for the previous angst post. also, look at the guy. he's a smol bean

REMUS LUPIN WAS a sucker for a good bouquet. He'd always want to give them to you, yet he could never find the moment. There'd always be something that would stop him.

Today was one of the days where his plans were smudged.

It was a Hogsmeade day, so naturally, he with his posse decided to head into the town to scope out bouquets. There was one he'd seen little bit ago that he was fidgeting to buy. It was a beautiful set of red and white roses with baby's breath surrounding them. They were your favourite flowers.

Sirius Black had never felt so depressed than when he had watched his friends realise that the 'sold out' sign was for the bouquet he wanted to get for you. He felt so out of place when Remus looked like he had just been deprived of his natural resource of chocolate.

"Why not just get her different flowers?" the Black boy asked, awkwardness coating his very body in a tense feeling.

Remus sighed. "But those were for her. They were like, specifically crafted just so that she could have them. And now they're gone. And I still haven't gotten her flowers!"

James sympathised more with Remus that Sirius could. James often got flower for Lily from this very shop. Albeit, she always threw them out when she got them, but it was the thought that counted. Peter didn't say anything. He was too busy drawing stars in the snow.

The bespectacled boy put his hand on Remus' shoulder, noticing his friend's eyes welling with tears. "It's alright, mate. There's always tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day."

"But I wanted to get her those today."

There was something so frustrating about not getting something done on the day you planned. You'd feel so incomplete in your tasks, and he'd never get to sleep tonight. Well, he might drift off if he cried long enough.

The walk back to the dorms was long and awkward and tense and depressing. There were so many emotions. Remus has just been thwarted yet again in his attempts to woo you. Peter was plucking the snow off of his mittens one by one.

"Damn, mate, you are so in deep," Sirius teased, trying to lighten the mood. "I mean, I've heard of puppy love, but this just takes the cake."

"Is that supposed to be a pun?" Remus muttered. It was kinda funny.

"I suppose so."

They had only gotten to the dorm when they heard the girls. They were laughing. No, hang on. They were shrieking. And... sneezing?

The four boys entered the common room to find Lily and Marlene holding onto furniture for dear life, their faces as red as their ties. Marlene tried to heave in a breath and little was wiping her face.

And then you sneezed. They erupted into laughter again.

"What on earth is going on?" James asked, confusion filling his bloodstream. The girls couldn't find the words, too busy giggling, so you decided to speak.

"I bought flowers for Remus," you started, your nose stuffed, "and I have just found out that I am, in fact, deathly allergic to flowers."

You sneezed again. The girls didn't completely fall apart, but they still chuckled.

Remus looked at you with those big eyes of his. "You got me flowers?"

"Yeah," you said sheepishly. "I though it'd be a nice surprise, but now I'm covered in snot, my nose and throat hurts, my head kinda aches, and my eyes are red."

You sneezed, and Remus started laughing. He rested his head on your shoulder, despite your protests.

"How did you never realise you had a tendency to get hay fever?" Sirius asked, trying to stifle his own chuckles.

"I don't know. It doesn't get this bad at home. The flowers there are small, and here, I don't go out much in the spring. It's too warm. Plus, it's not like I get up close and personal with flowers now, do I?"

"Yeah, but still. It's hay fever, it's a pretty common thing."

"Like I said," you sneezed again, away from Remus' face, "there just wasn't enough for me to notice." You paused for a second. "I always wondered why I got the sniffles in the springtime. I thought it was just spring colds."

James grinned. "Well, now you know."

You sneezed twice more, Remus brushing the hair out of your sweaty face.

"I think we need to rescue you from your natural foe." He guided you by the hand outside of the common room, and he stole a glance back at the flowers you had bought for him, his heart swelling.

Red and white roses surrounded with baby's breath.

#harry potter #remus lupin #rems lupin x reader #f! reader #fem! reader #remus lupin x fem! reader #james potter #lily evans #marlene mckinnon #peter pettigrew #sirius black #x reader #fluff #springtime #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin fluff

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personasintro · 8 months

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Mutual Help | #18

𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭: @kithtaehyung

↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; in order for you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he helps you with your sexual desires ⏤ he calls it mutual help

⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jungkook x reader

⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fake dating au, fluff, angst, smut, slow burn

⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language, mature content

⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 7k+

⇠ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯. | 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ⇢

Leaving your overthinking for the rest of the day has probably been one of the best decisions you've decided to make on this starting trip. You won't let yourself overthink all that stuff, not allowing yourself not to have fun and think through every Jungkook's action. It shouldn't matter if he did it to get Kiko's attention or not. You know her attention is subtly focused on the both of you, no matter how many times she's trying not to stare at you and act nice towards you. Maybe she just feels bad after you stormed at her, and you can't forget the fact that she's hiding something, according to Jungkook's words.

He told you how he wants to enjoy this trip, regardless if Kiko will be here or not. And she is, yet you can see him watching her whenever he thinks nobody sees him.

After all of you had fun at the lake, you let yourselves dry in the burning sun before it got too hot and unbearable, to change into clothes and play some sport games. Namjoon brought a soccer ball, which obviously led to a soccer game. At first, it was a men vs women game, which could never lead to a complete trouble free game. Surprisingly, you weren't bad as a team like you expected you to be. You were doing pretty good actually, to your standards and mutual strength at least. Unfortunately, and quite obviously, men were better and it seemed super easy for them to win.

"That was foul!" Minjae screamed at them, making sure they heard her across the huge soccer field that you made for yourselves.

"No, it wasn't. Seulgi stumbled on her own, Namjoon didn't even touch her." you told her, replaying the memory you just saw a few seconds ago.

"Y/N! You are supposed to be on our team!" Seulgi laughed, shaking her head at Minjae's attempt to save your already bad score.

Shrugging, you just sent them an apology smile. "I'm just honest."

Looking at Jungkook, you saw him sending you a flying kiss with a smirk, his way of thanking you because they just added another goal to their score.

Then you created a new team, a mixed team so all the men could finally play at least some kind of serious game. You, Jungkook, Jimin and Seulgi. The other team was Kiko, Hoseok, Namjoon and Minjae while Taehyung remained as a referee. Your team won, with Jungkook's energy and skills, you barely had to do anything other than to kick him the ball whenever it somehow stumbled in front of your feet. Regardless of that, you were still proud of yourself for winning, even though it was mostly Jungkook and Jimin's merit.

The rest of the day went like this and before you realized it, it was time for dinner while the sky was getting darker with each passing minute.

Now, the sky's completely painted dark with beautiful stars sparkling in the distance with sounds of crickets echoing through the space. Even the sound of fire sizzling and the warmth that spreads on your face because of it, is oddly calming. You take that moment to cuddle up to Jungkook, who's sitting next to you, with his arm over your frame pulling you closer. Stomach full, all you can muster to do is listen to everyone's chattering and laughter that slowly fades in the distance as you let yourself think. Your eyes automatically drift to Kiko, who's sitting obliquely from you, head resting on Hoseok's shoulder as he keeps laughing and nodding along to Namjoon's funny story of how he broke his sister's bathroom door.

"Hey, are you sleepy?" Jungkook asks softly, shoulder slowly nudging the side of your face as you frown.

"Kinda," you sigh, "But not really. I think the fire's making me sleepy." you admit, appreciating the warmth of it warming your face.

Even though it's July, it gets even colder at night than back in Seoul. It makes sense, considering you're surrounded by hills and more located to the South.

"You wanna take a walk?" he asks, your head lifting in interest as you look around.

"But it's dark." you point out, not seeing any lamps, well instead of the flashlights and disposable torches the boys had brought, that surrounds the space around you where you're camping.

"Oh, are you scared?" Jungkook nudges you with his shoulder again, shaking your whole body with the single movement as you roll your eyes. "Don't worry, I'll protect you." he promises, a cocky grin earning its place on his lips.

"I'm not scared, you moron." you tell him, faking annoyance and it still makes him chuckle at your attempt.

"Sure, whatever you say." he muses, teasing you but all you give him in response is another roll of your eyes and grin that can't be hidden anymore.

"Okay, let's go. But if we see or hear anything suspicious, we're coming back." you tell him, pursing your lips while you stare at him sternly, daring him to say something different.

His nose scrunches and he starts to laugh at you, but nods to your words nevertheless. "We'll take our phones with us and light up our flashlights on, you big baby." he says, jumping to his feet as he shakes his head to ruffle through his hair.

Big—big baby? The audacity!

Standing up, you dust your sweatpants and take Jungkook's hand that he holds up for you to take.

"We'll be right back. We're gonna just take a walk." Jungkook informs the group, making them nod in response before they barely pay attention to the two of you leaving.

They are too busy chattering while drinking beer and soju. Or at least it seemed like it because as soon as you're in the safe distance of not hearing them, Taehyung turns around and watches you walk further and further away.

"Do you think they're gonna fuck?" he asks, cheeks red from the fire but also from the amount of soju he's already drank.

Jimin cackles, telling him to stop drinking that much although, his own eyes drift to your disappearing bodies. What they don't see is the look on Kiko's face that makes her straighten and take a deep breath. It doesn't go unnoticed by Hoseok and he wraps his arm around her petite frame, pulling her closer as he presses his nose into her hair.

"You okay?" he asks her silently, making sure nobody else listens to him.

She looks at him for a brief second before her eyes focus on the flame of the fireplace Jungkook and you made. It's almost as if it's mocking her straight in the face. "Yeah, I'm sure." she assures her best friend, giving him a weak smile but he's not buying it.

"Kik," he sighs, but she just shakes her head in response.

"I'm fine, Hobi." she tells him and ends the conversation there, but still cuddles to him even more.

When he squeezes her, she feels at least some kind of comfort and is incredibly thankful for her friend. Hoseok knows, yet doesn't pressure her into anything and even if she's acting like nothing's wrong, he begs to differ but doesn't say anything. He shows his support with the stronghold he has on her body, silently telling her that he's there for her.

"What? I'm just wondering!" Taehyung exclaims, shrugging his shoulders innocently and the simple act makes Jimin snort.

"Stop wondering about your friends' sex life." Jimin reasons, hearing a loud snicker coming from Namjoon's mouth this time while Seulgi and Minjae busy themselves with stuffing their mouth and act like they're not listening to the conversation.

"Don't tell me you don't think they're shagging—"

Hoseok cuts him off by throwing an empty cup at him, perfectly aimed at Taehyung's forehead. "Shut up, Tae." he scolds him, but grins nevertheless to ease the tension that his reaction might have caused.

Taehyung frowns, rubbing his forehead as if the empty cup could've really hurt him but he listens. He closes his mouth and starts to bicker with Jimin, when he gives him another lecture about alcohol and his low tolerance.

"This is healing," you fill the silence with your soft voice, eyes focused on the moon lightening above your heads.

Jungkook follows your vision, humming in response before he looks at the lake that sparkle with the same reflection of the moon. "It really is," he agrees, "It's cold though." he chuckles, hearing you doing the same.

"Yeah, I thought it'd be slightly warmer. I hope we won't be cold while sleeping in tents." you voice out your worries.

"We'll just have to wear a lot of clothes. But if you're gonna be too cold, just tell me. We can sleep in the car." he says, making you smile at his thoughtfulness.

"How are we gonna fit there?" you chuckle, not being able to imagine the two of you trying to fit in the back of his car, even though his current car is bigger than the one he used to have. Or you could just sleep in front, but you surely won't get any quality sleep there.

"Then I'll sleep in the tent and you can sleep in the car." he shrugs, your mouth pouting automatically at his words.

You'd feel awful and guilty for sure if that happened. Sure, Jungkook is a big boy and probably doesn't get cold that easily, compared to you, but still.

"Jungkook, no." you shake your head.

"Or, we could just cuddle and keep ourselves warm." he pokes you in the ribs, causing you to giggle as you slap his shoulder.

Or, that's an option too.

"How are you feeling?" you ask, nibbling on your bottom lip when you're met with silence and Jungkook's steps halting until he stops.

"What do you mean?" he asks, brows furrowed in confusion.

Stopping too, you walk closer to him and lean against one of the trees that are near the edge of the lake. "Kiko's here." you point out, causing him to chuckle while he hides his hands into the pockets of his cargo pants.

"I'm aware," he laughs lightly, and you do the same because it's nice to see him not depressing over her. "I really wanna enjoy this trip, but I can't help but notice how close she seems to be with Hoseok."

And then you see it. Frown settles on his lips at the mention of Hoseok. Of course, he noticed how close they were and probably still are at the fireplace.

"They're best friends, Kook. You don't think they're dating, do you?" you cock your head to the side, a breeze slightly ruffling your hair.

"No," he shakes his head, frowning once again. "I don't know, something feels shady. They're definitely hiding something, I just have no fucking idea what it is."

The memory of Jungkook telling you about the possible secret that Kiko's hiding crosses your mind, but you're just as clueless as Jungkook is right now. You don't know them that much, but Jungkook does.

"What could she possibly be hiding from you?" you think out loud, thinking about all the possible scenarios that could've happened.

"Whenever I see her looking at me, or even when we were talking at Jin's wedding... I could see how guilty she looked," he says, deeply in thought. "I know her so well, I just know there's something more to this and Hoseok basically confirming that at Jin's wedding just proves my suspicion."

"Well, either way, she's not gonna tell you and neither will Hoseok. How are you planning to find out?" you ask, growing confused.

There's nothing he can do. The only thing is to get your little plan to keep going and finish it before some damage will be done. Surprisingly, playing Jungkook's girlfriend isn't hard so far. The two of you have always been more touchy and comfortable around each other, so none of this feels uncomfortable or foreign to you or Jungkook. Obviously, it all faded away and even stopped when he started to date Kiko which you understand. It was out of respect to her, even though she probably never voiced jealousy. That's what kind of gentleman Jungkook is.

"The only thing I can think about, considering her weird and suspicious behavior, and the fact she seems so fucking guilty about something... what if she cheated on me?" he says quickly, his brain processing his own words while he seems to be stunned he finally voiced out his suspicion. It makes it more real and now that he said it out loud, it makes much more sense.

But even to you, it doesn't make much sense. "You think she'd cheat on you?" you ask confusingly, knowing how Jungkook swore that she's the least selfish person he ever met.

"Argh! I don't know!" he exclaims, covering his face into his huge hands as he groans into them.

Sadness overcomes your features and your body moves on its own, hugging Jungkook's muscular body while you cuddle your face into his chest. His hoodie smells just like him, his favorite fabric softener and that sweet, yet muscular scent he always holds. Sighing, he hugs you closer to him.

"I don't think she'd, but what am I supposed to think?" he asks, voice muffled by your hair as he kisses the top of your head.

"She loves you, Kook. I don't think she cheated on you." you tell him, but he just shakes his head.

"We don't know that." he disagrees, causing you to chuckle as you slightly pull away and look up at him.

Your noses are almost touching from the proximity between you two.

"We don't, but I can see the way she's looking at you. She's trying to be so nice to me," you let out a dry chuckle, causing Jungkook to do the same thing, however his one isn't dry but almost loving at the mention of his ex.

"That's her." he adds, and you fight the urge to roll your eyes.

"But I just see the sadness in her eyes. I might not know her that well, but even I can tell. She doesn't seem jealous..." you trail off, looking back into his dark orbs that shine underneath the moonlight.

"You'll tell me when this gets too much for you, right?" he asks, your brows furrowing in confusion as you stare at him.

"Of course, that's what we agreed on." you remind him, surprised he brought up that topic.

He nods, bringing his back to your face as he gently grabs it and starts caressing the apples of your cheeks. Your eyes flicker shut, enjoying how soft his hands feel against your skin and you happily hum, making him chuckle but not stopping him. Nudging your nose with his own, you whine at his hot breath fanning your face.

"Kiss me, Kook." you whisper, having this sudden need to feel those plushy lips again.

You haven't kissed since you came here, which is quite surprising because you thought you'd, at least as soon as you saw that Kiko's here too. But for some reason Jungkook never insinuated a kiss.

But he listens to you now, kissing you by quickly connecting your lips as he holds your face even tighter. It feels needy and it strokes your ego that he kisses you almost as if he missed your lips. Well, you certainly missed his ones.

The moan slips out of your mouth as soon as the kiss gets rougher and he slowly backs you, until your back meets the tree again. His hands are everywhere, from gripping your hips to pulling up your leg and hooking it up over his hip to properly feel your thigh, all while he's still kissing you. Your own hands are occupied by nails digging into his hoodie before they trail down to his ass, giving him a squeeze. He smiles into the kiss, but still doesn't pull away. You're gasping for air, causing him to detach your lips but his own starts to work on your neck where he ducks your skin. You're moaning, head leaned against the tree while the wood is too harsh and uncomfortable, but you don't dare to move. Excitement overtakes you're whole body and with your leg that he's still gripping tightly, hooked over Jungkook's hip, you grind onto him. He groans, grinding back where you can feel his bulge. Through the countless amount of layers, you can't feel him the way your body craves to, but it's still enough to make you clench around nothing as you feel yourself getting aroused.

You grind against each other, desperately trying to get ahold of that pleasure and lust that clouds your minds and bodies, but the clothing you're both wearing and position makes it hard. It's not enough, unless the two of you would undress which isn't such a smart idea considering the weather. As if Jungkook thinks the same thing, he stops grinding against you and rests his head on your shoulder while his chest heaves with quick breaths. You're no different, long and loud breaths leave your mouth as you wrap your arms around his frame. Slowly, he lets go of your leg and steadies himself more before he fully straightens himself and grins at you.

"That's not what I was expecting when I asked you for a walk," he jokes, a loud snort coming out of your mouth as you shake your head at him.

It's always like that. You never planned for this to happen, it always just does. Naturally, and you like that because it doesn't feel forced.

"I wasn't expecting it too, but I'm not complaining." you grin, hands brushing through his fringe that got too long and keeps falling into his eyes.

"Trust me," he says, grin disappearing as a darkened look overtakes his already doe and dark eyes. He hovers over you, teeth nibbling on your ear before his mouth brushes your earlobe. "I'd fuck you here, if it weren't this cold."

Your breath hitches in your throat and you restrain yourself from reacting audibly, knowing he'll love that and tease the shit out of you later. You can't believe he just said that. Would he really do that?

"I wouldn't let you," you mutter, mustering a serious and tough expression where you raise your brow and purse your lips to prove your point. "Someone might've seen us." you reason, but the only thing he gives you in return is a loud laugh that makes you shush him straight away, a huge grin spreading on your lips.

"Who? There's nobody here." he says, outstretching his arms like he's the one who's proving his point.

"You don't know that, it's too dark to tell." you shrug, giving his chest a good slap when he smirks at you.

"Exactly, it wouldn't be too hard to tell if we're fucking or not."

"Oh my god!" you exclaim, hearing him cackling. "Just shut up, Jeon." you shake your head at him, hiding that huge grin again from him by walking past him and getting some safe distance from his dangerous and irresistible self.

"Oh, am I Jeon now? Thought I was Kook."

You hear him teasing you, before he jogs over to you and places his arm over your shoulders as he pushes you closer to his chest. You don't protest, not when he's incredibly warm and comfortable at the same time.

"Thank God, you're not my real boyfriend. I couldn't stand you." you grumble, teasing him as you poke his hip before you wrap your arm around his frame, holding him.

"Ah, you wish. I'd be the best boyfriend." he shoots back, making the two of you burst in laughter as you keep bickering and teasing each other for the rest of the walk back.

It just reminds you that nothing has changed. Well, apart from you get to kiss him— amongst the other stuff — now.

When you get back, you give Jungkook a last nudge to his shoulder before you detach yourself from his hip, looking at your friends. Taehyung wiggles his brows, cheeks flushed even in the darkness and you don't have to guess what caused it, considering the stupid amused grin he always has whenever he drinks too much alcohol. You're not the only one who notices it, Jimin tells him something but his best friend just shushes him and waves a hand in front of his face, telling him to shut up.

"You guys done?" he asks, wiggling his brows while staring at you before his eyes averts to Jungkook.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jungkook asks, confused, reaching for some dried seaweed as he munches on it.

"Ignore him, he's had enough." Jimin speaks up before Taehyung can open his mouth, frowning at his best friend's interruption.

"Where's everyone?" you ask, changing the topic since you've got an idea what Taehyung was aiming at. Whatever it could be, it's not something that should be said in front of Kiko, or anyone at this point.

The seats where Hoseok, Seulgi, Minjae and Namjoon were sitting are empty, and now that you pointed out their absence, Jungkook seems to notice their missing too as he starts looking around.

"They went to sleep," Kiko answers, cuddling herself to some fluffy blanket as she glances at you before she focuses on the flames instead. "I think I'm going too. Tomorrow is gonna be a long day." she says, letting out a chuckle but it seems forced and tired.

She stands up, still wrapped in the purple blanket as she bids everyone a goodnight before she goes into her tent, joining Seulgi and Minjae.

"Is she okay?" Jungkook whispers, glancing at Jimin who gives him a saddened gaze before he shrugs.

"She seems a little bit off, but I think it's just awkward for her to be here with you guys." Jimin explains, his voice silenced so everyone sleeping in the tents nearby can't hear you. He gives you an apologetic look which you just shrug off, knowing he's only telling the truth.

"She knew we were coming here, I suppose." you mutter, ignoring Jungkook's side glance before he sighs and grabs you by your shoulders.

"Well, we're going to sleep too. You guys, don't set anything on fire." he tells them, Taehyung already spacing out but still protests whenever Jimin tells him to go sleep.

It's clear Jimin doesn't want to leave him alone, something that wouldn't be a good idea in Taehyung's state. It's funny and cute how they remind you of your friendship with Jungkook. They have each other's back all the time.

"We'll try to," Jimin chuckles, patting Taehyung's head as he cuddles to Jimin's side. "Goodnight."

Approximately twenty minutes later, when you bid goodbye to Jimin and Taehyung, you and Jungkook are happily nestled in your sleeping bags. With a few layers of blankets that Jungkook brought underneath your bodies, it's softer than you expected it to be and you find it comfortable. The only thing that bothers you is the chilly air that makes you toss around as you're trying to keep yourself warm.

"Come here." Jungkook sighs, his own sleeping bag rustling as he pulls out his arms to pull you closer.

"What are you doing?" you mutter, silently humming as soon as you feel his warm chest pressed against your back. You're definitely warmer now.

"Cuddling you, obviously." he snorts, nuzzling his nose into your neck causing you to let out a silenced giggle.

With his large hoodie already on, the very one he brought you from his car as soon as you started to complain about the weather and being cold, you allow yourself to relax. However, Jungkook doesn't stop there and he starts kissing your neck, leaving soft and innocent pecks that make you bite your lip. You don't move, allowing him to kiss you some more while he rubs your body which is difficult to feel, since you're wrapped in your sleeping bag. Unzipping your sleeping bag, you ignore your body protesting by shivering from the temperature in your tent.

"You're gonna be cold." Jungkook murmurs against your neck, his silenced and raspy voice causing you to shiver again. Not from the cold this time.

"You'll warm me up." you tease, turning to your side so you can be closer to him.

He welcomes your hands on his chest as they get underneath his hoodie, feeling his hot and naked skin there. How can he be so warm when you're close to freezing? His toned abs are hard to miss and you wish you could just take his hoodie off, and see the piece of art. You've never been totally mesmerized by abs and muscular bodies, although it's a nice thing to look at. But everything changes when it comes to Jungkook. He's perfect, an amazing piece of man that makes every woman's heart flutter.

"You bet." he teases back, causing you to giggle as he pulls you closer, kissing you this time.

Your lips mold together, the feeling already familiar but never boring. It's something you could never get enough of, especially when he's so good at it. Two minutes of constant kissing and innocent touches, his own hands disappear underneath all the layers of your clothing when he finally finds your skin. Even the littlest touch of his fingertips make your body heat up, and you completely forget about the cold. He spends a few minutes just rubbing your stomach, his touch leaving soft and tingling sensation all over your body, before he hooks them under the hem of your sweatpants. Detaching your lips, you breathe out a shaky breath as you glance at Jungkook.

He's staring at you, dark eyes boring into yours while his hands disappear into your panties.

"Kook," you breathe out, "Guys are here."

And Seulgi, Minjae and Kiko too.

"They're all sleeping," he says, finger circling your clit as you bite into your lower lip to prevent yourself from moaning. "I checked when I went to take a piss."

Snorting, you let out a chuckle of disbelief. "Wow, that's so hot. Thank you." you tell him sarcastically, your words dying down when he starts to part your folds and slips one finger in.

"I'm honest," he tells you lightly, shrugging as if he's not fingering you right now. He pumps his finger, nuzzling his face to your neck as he starts sucking your skin there. "You love when I'm honest."

"Mhm," you moan, back slightly arching when his finger rubs against your sensitive spot.

"You love when I do this," he purrs against your skin, adding another finger as he curls them inside your tight hole that makes you whimper.

Goosebumps appear all over your body, your hips slowly grinding against his palm as he keeps pumping his fingers in and out. The sound of your wetness is muffled by your clothes, but it's still clear to your ears. It should be embarrassing how wet and hot you became just for him. Yes, the little make out that happened on your walk helped, but you both know it doesn't take a long for him to make you crave for his touch, pleading him for more.

"I do," you let out a choked moan, eyes rolling back when he adds another finger, penetrating your heat even more.

Your walls are wrapped around his fingers, swallowing them in with so much eagerness that makes Jungkook proud.

"You're so needy," he growls, grazing his teeth against your jaw before he kisses it. Your hands clutch onto your sleeping bag desperately, all while he lets out a dark chuckle. "So needy for my touch, for me."

You should be embarrassed because he's right. You tend to act tough, not necessarily in these kinds of scenarios, but still. Even Jungkook knows that and whenever he can stomp on the confidence and tease you, he takes the chance and does it. However, you don't feel an ounce of embarrassment. Agreeing with him, you nod and purr at the same time, body desperately meeting his hands as he picks up the pace.

"I am," you agree, voice strained as you try to control yourself. It feels good, so fucking good, but you don't want to cum just yet. You want to enjoy this for as long as it's possible.

"Oh, baby. You know all you gotta do is tell me and I'll give you everything you want," Jungkook feigns sorrow, knowing those words drive you crazy. He feels you clenching around him, your moans silenced by you biting a lower lip, and that's all he needs to be smirking. "I'd have fuck you against that tree, if you weren't scared someone might see." he whispers darkly into your ear, biting onto your earlobe.

It all happens quick, too quick for you to control it or cherish the way pleasure shoots through your whole body, while you're cumming. Your moans in the form of Jungkook's name are silenced by his mouth enveloping yours. As much as he wants to hear you, his name leaving your mouth repeatedly, he can't let anyone else hear you.

He fucks you through your orgasm, stopping when he hears you whimper from overstimulation. Pulling out his fingers, he puts them into his mouth and makes sure you're watching him when he does that. Your heat throbs, both at the sight and the euphoric feeling of your orgasm, yet you don't have enough. Especially not when you see him licking his fingers clean before he kisses you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue and lips. He growls, hovering over you while his tongue attacks the inside of your mouth. Your tongues dance together, moving swiftly like it's the easiest thing to do. Hands disappearing under his hoodie, you let yourself feel his naked back moving forward to his abs.

He can't help it, you're too irresistible even if it's in a freaking tent and in the middle of mountains with his friends sleeping nearby. Maybe even that small fact makes him go feral, grinding his crotch against you. Getting out of your sleeping bag has never been easier, your hands busy trying to take off Jungkook's sweatpants while he takes off his hoodie, along with his shirt.

"Fuck, I need you." he says, before he kisses you again and helps you to take off your shirt. He's met with your exposed breasts, licking his bottom lip at your puckered nipples which he wraps his mouth around.

The sensation is amazing, his warm mouth warming your whole body all over again and just like that, you feel that same need to fill your pleasure needs. Jungkook's movements are eager, so eager that he tosses his sweatpants rather carelessly causing the piece of clothing to bump into the tent's walls. The tent shakes, causing you to giggle as he shushes you by his lips, chuckling into the kiss. He helps you to undress, making sure he heats up your body with his feverish kisses and constant rubbing of your exposed skin.

"Fuck me, Kook." you plead, nails grazing his exposed and muscular back he's flexing while he's hovering over you.

"Oh, I will," he promises, leaning down to kiss your collarbones as he makes up your neck and jaw. "But you need to be quiet, yeah?"

His voice is low, sending another set of shivers down your spine as you gulp, pressing your thighs together.

"I thought everyone's sleeping." you mutter, teasing him with eyes but you don't show it on your face, too focused on him to even lift the corner of your mouth in a smirk.

"They are," he nods, hands disappearing between your bodies as he spreads your legs and cups your heat which is still wet with your cum and another arousal. You're soaking wet, you can feel it slowly trailing down your ass and staining the unzipped sleeping bag underneath you. "But we don't wanna wake them up." he smirks, his eyes dancing in amusement almost as he's teasing you for being loud.

Oh, he certainly is. As soon as realization hits your face, he smirks even more while pulling away. Your eyes drop to his covered crotch, noticing an evident bulge that's growing with each passing minute. Unfortunately, your sight is dismissed when Jungkook starts to rummage through his bag that he put in the corner of your tent. He pulls out his wallet before he successfully gets the condom. When he turns around and meets your gaze, he sees your raised brow.

"You brought condoms?" you question, wondering if he planned on having sex here.

You sure didn't, not that you're complaining. But you're curious and you love to tease him whenever you get the chance. His doe eyes that were darkened just a few moments ago are completely switched to a wide eyed Jungkook, making look so innocent and young that it makes your heart jump.

"Well, not purposely. I always have them in my wallet." he explains, voice sounding soft all of a sudden.

His lips are set into a slight pout as he stares at you, looking wary for some reason. Little do you know it's because of the exact thing you're teasing him about. He worries that he just planned on having sex, even though there wouldn't be anything wrong with that. You both agreed on this, you two fucking. But still, it doesn't sit well with him knowing you might think he planned this. You're a beautiful woman, it doesn't take long for him to resist you. But you're his best friend before you're someone who he has sex with. He really wanted this trip to be about adventure and great memories, and he kind of let it go naturally. Whatever feels comfortable for you and everyone else. He definitely didn't expect Kiko to show up here, even though this exact topic occurred his night thoughts that made him wide awake for the most of the night.

"It's okay, Kook," you giggle, sitting up as you reach for him. "I'm just teasing you." you assure him, seeing his tensed muscles relax before he scoffs.

"Screw you." he murmurs, grinning as he opens the wrapper by opening it with his teeth while his other hand is too busy pulling his length out.

Taking off his boxers, your mouth salivate wishing you could see him instead of being met with his outline. Judging by the way his hands move and body rustles against the blankets, you know he's giving himself a few pumps before he puts the condom on.

"You're about to." you fill the silence, smirk audible in your voice as he chuckles and gets closer to you.

Adjusting your positions, so he's nestled between your legs, he gives you a kiss and lets his mouth stay on yours while he slowly fills you up. You know it's his way of shushing you, knowing you'd most likely whimper at the sudden stretch of his hardened length. The both of you are trying not to get caught after all. When he's all in, he detaches your lips as he leans his forehead against yours waiting for your signal. As soon as he registers the small nod and little 'go on', he pulls out slowly before he smashes in his way back. With each thrust he makes, the harder it gets to control your moans and even though you've never been that awfully loud, no matter how many times Jungkook teases you about it.

Your legs starts to hurt from the missionary position and with a quick squeeze of his bicep, Jungkook slows down and questionably tilts his head. Without saying a word, your palms sprawl against his chest as you push him while sitting up. He gets the message, laying down immediately while he slips out of you in the process. Hovering over him, you let your legs to rest against his side while you grab his length. Pumping him, you wish you could see that lustful glint in his eyes and the vulnerability that he doesn't show that often:

"Baby," he moans, hands gripping your hips.

Chuckling, you position him against your entrance before you sink down onto him, your eyes rolling back at the pleasure and stretch.

"Fuck, so tight." he groans, nails digging into your skin the entire time he fills you up. He doesn't stop even when you start to ride him, setting up a slower pace that makes less sounds. Nevertheless, the sound of your thighs meeting Jungkook's can't be manageable and it's clear to your ears.

With Jungkook's help, he starts to roll his hips into yours as he meets your thrusts, sending another wave of pleasure through your body with different intensity. It feels amazing, his length so deep inside of you, all while he keeps hitting your g-spot. Slowing down, you circle your hips as you kiss him. You really want to savor every minute and feeling he makes you feel, you don't want to cum just yet. Jungkook is in no rush, kissing you back slowly as he lets you take control. He lays there, enjoying the way you move your hips. After kissing for a few minutes, you start to pick up your pace which becomes tougher, considering how long you've been in this position. Your thighs already ache from the stretch, but thanks to Jungkook who notices your struggle, he starts to meet your thrusts like he's done before.

Everything is slow, yet sensual and intense. It makes your head spin and your heart swell with foreign and wonderful feeling. You can't go all wild, knowing there's everyone just a few meters away from you while you're surrounded in complete silence. But even without this little fact, it still feels right. Maybe it's because you're both lazy and sleepy, just wanting to enjoy the pleasure and something different. If you knew better, you'd say this is how making love feels like.

You almost slap yourself at that, knowing you're nowhere emotionally near that. But it feels nice to have him this close, it's different from the sex you had before.

Considering you've had an orgasm and your walls are still sensitive, you feel yourself tightening as your arms fail you and you fall onto Jungkook's chest. He takes over, still laying underneath you as he grabs your hips and starts to pick up the pace. Even from his submissive position, you may say, he's able to take control and hit all the right spots within your walls. Hands gripping your ass, he spreads your ass cheeks while his nails dig into your skin again. It's the first time tonight when it feels, what can be considered, as a rough move.

"Kook," you whimper, mouth pressed against his shoulder with eyes screwed shut, as you feel another orgasm approaching you.

"Shhh," he reminds you, letting out a grunt when he sets an almost animalistic pace. His balls smack against your ass, the sound already too loud to be heard outside, but you don't stop.

Pleasure washes you all over again, your mouth ready to leave the loudest moan as your whole body shakes. What you do comes naturally, in the desperation to silence your moans, and you gently bite onto Jungkook's shoulder while he keeps fucking you.

He grunts, your teeth digging into his skin although, it's nothing unbearable or too painful, but it shocks him. Few more pumps and he's coming into the condom with a silenced growl. His thrusts get sloppier with each second, before he completely stops and his length starts to twitch. You wish you could feel him cumming inside of you, despite the littlest feeling of him filling the condom, it's nothing too recognizable. When he's done, he sighs and drops his head down while he hugs you closer to him. His arms leave your ass and they wrap around your frame, gripping you tightly making you giggle.

"Fuck, that was amazing." you comment, pecking his shoulder where you bit him. It's too dark to see if there's any mark, but you hope not. You made sure you weren't biting him too hard.

"Yeah," he breathes, chest heaving with harsh breaths while his length starts to soften. "That was... different." he chuckles, hands gently caressing your back that makes you hum.

"I could fall asleep like this." you murmur against his neck, cuddling to him even more.

A soft chuckle leaves his mouth, his hand gently slapping your ass. "No, you can't sleep now. You gotta pee and put some clothes on, you're gonna get cold like this."

He's right, now that your lust has been fulfilled, you can already feel the real temperature in the tent. Your skin is no longer hot and that same rush of heat that came with each moment of pleasure is gone. Even though your body still tingles from the intense orgasm, it's just not enough to keep you warm anymore.

"Nooo," you whine, cuddling to him even more while your perked nipples rub against his chest. He bites his lower lip, cringing when his length slips out of you and you whine again. "Can't you just cover our bodies?"

You try, knowing you're just teasing him and you'll be shivering any minute. Jungkook groans at your stubbornness and you smile.

"No, now come on. Go pee." he slaps your ass again, making you jerk as you pull yourself up and stare at him.

"What if something's out there?" you ask, simply out of curiosity and maybe out of fear as well.

"I'm going with you, big baby," he grins, rolling his eyes at you that you can't see. He's sitting up, hoisting your bodies in the process. "But we need to put some clothes on."

Sighing, you put your clothes back on, cringing when your juices meet the material of your panties. Regardless of that, you fully dress yourself and let out a hum of content when you're warm again. Jungkook does the same thing, disposing himself of the condom full of his cum as he makes sure he'll throw it somewhere safe. You're both stumbling out of your tent, seeing there's no one awake and there's complete darkness around you. Good.

But still, when Jungkook lights up the flashlight on his phone, you're both grinning at yourselves and you just know, you're going to be sleeping heavenly tonight.

#networkbangtan #ksmutclub #ficswithluv #btswritingcafe #bts smut #jungkook x reader #bts angst #bts fluff #bts au #jungkook fic #personasintro #mutual help

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2smolbeans · 3 months

Note

Yandere and angst mixed in one fic

Thanks for the request!! It's not really a fic but a thought based on that.Thouughhh the qualilty is kinda ehhh..lol- it was still fun to think and write though!:

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Yandere Angst Scenario

Tags: implied bullying, sadism, yandere goes from cruel to a desperate individual, darling had feelings for the yan but then lost them, mentioned ex partner, angst.

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Imagine a yandere who absolutely despises you but desperately clings onto you. They need you but at the same time berate you for the littlest of things. They say they love you but never fail to make you cry. They claim that you have them wrapped around your thumb but can easily ruin your life just by muttering a few words into someone's ear. You try to get away, but they always follow.

There's been multiple times where they've come into your workplace, only to slowly turn everyone against you. Passive glances, total silence, uncomfortable deadpanned stares. You've never felt so alone whenever they were in your life. You'd be all alone, and they would always be surrounded by others- smiling and passing by you without any acknowledgment. There was one time at a company celebration where everyone was supposed to be at a bar drinking together. Everyone sat at a table together, and you sat there alone, watching them. When you prepared to leave, you recalled them paying their farewells. You smiled, thinking it was for you, but only to realise in embarrassment that it was for the newbie who stood up after you made your way to the door. You remembered how empty you felt when you got home, no tears to be shed - but just that suffocating acceptance.

The worst part is, this person, the reason why your social life has always been in the dumps - was the person you were so in love with. It's funny how that works. Shouldn't you hate them? You can't bring yourself to though..It seemed so long ago, but there was one point that the two of you were in good terms. Were you friends? You weren't so sure. The memories were so distant, but the feelings were still there. Why did you like them again?

That didn't matter anymore. It didn't help that they were with someone you knew closesly only to hurt you out of spite. So what was the point in all this? The gossiping, the microaggressions, the dread. You've tried confronting them about it, only for them to feign innocence and make you feel stupid at the end.

"You think I'm the reason why your social life is shit? Seriously? How old are you?"

"Take a look in the mirror. Maybe that's why no one talks to you."

"Your desperation is so obvious and pathetic. It drives people away. So stop seeking validation from others and love yourself, kay?"

"Now sorry, I'm busy. I have someone to meet. Unlike you."

So this person that you love so much, that for some awful reason- seek validation from, crushes you in the most heartwrenching way. And when it comes to this person, they don't pay any mind to you. They like how you're underneath them. They adore how you seek validation from them in the most subtle of ways (even though its not really to them personally), and they find you laughable. You knew that for sure - they've told you so many times.

So, did they love you? Surprisingly, yes. In their own twisted way, this is how they loved you. So they break your heart over and over again. Eventually, though, you move on. You find new friends, workplaces, and lover.. Of course it would happen, nothing lasts forever. They let you have your fun of course- but begin to get tired of it. So they take it away all over again. Your friends..And of course, that lover.

So there you are, angry with tears as you stand outside their apartment. Banging on the door as you call out their name. They answer, and they stare at you- smiling as they tilt their head to the side mockingly, asking you whats wrong. You yell, scream, and sob as you show them the messages you're now ex sent you. How they framed you for cheating on them..With them.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? What the actual FUCK is wrong with you. I never fucked you, I never- EVER will. So why did you say that- why, WHY?! Wasn't it enough when you made my life at the office a living hell? Isn't it enough?!"

"Oh, you came. That was quick. Do you wanna come in? Or do you wanna continue making a scene out here? Your choice."

"A-Are you even listening?"

"In or out?"

So you go inside..And you just sit there on their couch crying. You think for a moment they have some remorse as they stare at you with empathy as they sit beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder..But..

"Oh hun..I just love seeing you cry. That's it. It's not over pure love or some complicated shit. It just turns me on seeing you all pathetic."

"I need you by my side. You're the only one who could ever feel so..Alive like this. Maybe I do love you. Who knows?"

"Maybe we could find out..I'm sorry you have to suffer like this..But..I mean what else is there to say pft?"

"I know I'm being selfish. So just bare with me alright?"

"I think I love you. I don't want you being with anyone else. At the same time..I want you crying because of me. Then that shows me how much I matter to you"

"You don't cry over a nobody..So I'm somebody to you"

"Don't you see why that's special? It's stupid...So huh, maybe I am in love with you."

"....I love you. I think? That's why I'm doing all this.."

Laughing bitterly, you just stare in disbelief as you shove them and leave.

"There’s something fucking wrong with you. Get help."

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Years later they would get softer as they realised how much you really mean to them. How much love you actually deserved, how dumb they were to use you in a way that was cruel. Sure even now they had sadistic urges, but they could've acted on them in other ways. God it's embarrassing thinking about it! Looking back on their cruelty like it was some middleschool cringe and not ruining someones well being- they often think about you and the ways they could bring you back.

They messed up, and the day you left and never returned made them realise it.

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"Hey, it's me-"

"Who the fuck are you? H-How did you get in?! Why are you in my house-"

"Look..I wanted to say sorry. 5 years ago I never realised how much you really meant to me, and I took that for-"

"I don't care go away. I'm calling the cops-"

"Says who? Try it, the service is dead."

"What..?"

"Look. I know you must've been pissed for the shit I pulled back then..But I changed! The day you left, I realised that-"

"Oh my god..It's you.."

"Yeah.. I know it's been a while.."

"Wasn't making my life miserable back then enough? Or not? You took a lot from me back then, what more could you want now?"

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"So now you're sorry? You're only sorry cause I left. I'm never loving you, I never will."

"Well you don't know that.."

"Ohhh trust me. I know so."

"We'll see about that."

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"Honey..Look stop struggling. I know back then I must've really hurt you, but it's going to be different now okay? I love you. I mean it. And I don't care how far I have to go to show that to you"

"I know you love me. You loved me before..So I know you'll love me again. I'm not the same as I was before, I promise!"

"Give me another chance..I promise I'll make you happy"

"So stop struggling, or I'll twist that pretty leg of yours."

"Aww..Sorry hun. Didn't mean to slap you that hard but- I think I kind of like this look on you.."

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A/N: So I tried to go for a sadistic yandere being cruel to their darling who had feelings for them but then went too far...Only for their darling to no longer like them due to the heart break!

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hotchswifey · 10 months

Text

insomnia - dean winchester x reader

(this is the first thing i have written in about 2 years 😭😭😭😭

it kinda sucks but i like it

warnings: insomnia (i am aware that any sleep disorders cannot be cured by another person and i do not mean to take away from people who suffer from these conditions, this was just a cute little idea i had), a little angst?? (just about how much deans life sucks.), fluff, cuddling, overthinking, thinking badly about yourself (ur thoughts can be mean but ur lovely and brilliant <3333)

also i have a hc that dean goes really silent when he's tired, except he can't go silent around most people bc then they start to think something is really wrong™, but actually he is just too exhausted to try to talk (self-projection? maybe.)

word count: 2373)

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You rubbed at your tired eyes, walking into the bunker’s kitchen, your eyes adjusting to the light that definitely shouldn’t have been on - considering it was 3.32am. Your eyes fell on Dean, who was hunched over the island counter eating cereal. ‘Should’ve figured it was him who couldn’t sleep, too’, you thought. As bad as your sleeping habits had gotten, you always marvelled at Dean’s capability to be a functioning human with so little sleep.

He had noticed you as soon as you stepped foot in the room, but he did nothing to acknowledge your presence. Figures. You reasoned that the poor guy’s probably slept twice in the last week. You didn’t address him either; whether it was sleep deprivation or knowing he wanted to be left alone, you didn’t know. You just went to grab yourself a bowl of cereal.

It was quiet (except for the sound of pouring milk and Dean’s chewing), but it was comfortable. It gave you some peace knowing you weren’t the only one who couldn’t sleep - something so simple yet far out of your reach. You didn’t know when it happened (your inability to sleep), but ‘it comes with the life,’ you supposed. You grabbed your bowl and left Dean to ponder on his own.

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You rubbed at your tired eyes again. The same routine - lay in bed for hours, eventually get up because you’re hungry, head to the kitchen and find the light on. Again and again, this happened - Dean always sat there. It had become a funny thing kind of (in an unhealthy, oh-my-god-i-just-want-to-sleep-but-i-guess-it’s-nice-to-see-dean type of way).

He didn’t acknowledge you, you didn’t acknowledge him, you poured your cereal to the sound of Dean chewing and went back to your room to eat. You wished he would invite you to sit down, even if you both ate silently. It was nice not to be alone at night, overthinking every gruesome and terrible thing to come. But you knew it was Dean, and he definitely needed some peace, quiet, and alone time (and this was the most alone time he willingly gave himself).

You ate back in your room, not sleeping for yet another night.

---------------------------------------------------

You and the boys had just got back from a vamp hunt. Sore, tired and, frankly, pissed off. The hunt was fine, you all supposed. But, god, it takes a lot to completely decapitate somebody. Your energy was all drained, and the only thing you wanted to do was sleep - but could you? No. Of course, you couldn’t. Why? A thunderstorm? Fireworks? Gunshots? No. Because your brain hates you. God forbid you get an ounce of sleep.

Your routine ensued again, more sluggish this time and certainly more pissed. All you wanted to do was behead a few vamps and sleep it off, but no. Of course not. Try to sleep, fail to sleep, get up and haul your ass to the kitchen, pour cereal, eat cereal. How did your life become so dull?

The lights are on again. You think, ‘There is no way in all hell Dean is awake. That boy put himself through more physical torment you could ever even dream of (not that you’d want to)’. You weren’t too shocked when, even after today, you saw Dean sitting there.

It wasn’t a surprise that Dean Winchester (saviour of the world, the perfect killer) was still awake, even after killing eight vamps single-handedly (but from how he was sitting, you were sure he’d hurt his back on the hunt). Dean. Again. In the kitchen. Not sleeping.

You didn’t know why, but it pissed you off more than it should have.

“Why are you still up?” You asked, walking past the island to the cereal cupboard. No response. Of course. You rolled your eyes, fishing out the box of lucky charms you reserved for awful days. You caught Dean’s eye as you turned around to get a bowl.

He might’ve been the strongest man you knew physically and mentally, but he looked so tired. More tired than you had ever seen him. More tired now than after ending the apocalypse or returning from purgatory. How could he look so exhausted after one vamp hunt? You thought about it for a second, only now realising how many times you had gotten up and he had been in the kitchen. Every time you got up, he was in the kitchen. What are the chances that when you can’t sleep, neither can he? Or was it more likely he wasn’t sleeping at all?

If you were being truthful, the strongest man you knew looked like hell. He looked like a little boy who couldn’t sleep because he had a nightmare and wanted his mom. Except he wasn’t a little boy, he was living through the nightmare and had no one to turn to when things got bad.

You had felt pity for Dean before (how could you not, the man has quite literally been to hell and back), but this was a different kind of pity. This was the kind of pity that only came when things were terrible. When you realise this was how it had to be, how it would be, forever. The kind of pity that came when you realised you couldn’t do anything about it. You felt useless looking at him in his dressing gown, hunched over the counter.

He was the world’s saviour, and you had to assume that came with consequences - like not sleeping.

You didn’t say anything. Your anger had dissipated into sadness - sadness for being unable to help your friend. There was nothing you could say or do. There was nothing at all. You stared at him, and he stared back, and that was it. You went about your night - pour the cereal, return to your room, and not sleep.

---------------------------------------------------

Another day. Another hunt. Another sleepless night.

You considered buying the strongest sleeping pills and calling it a day. But you knew you couldn’t. Dean would haul your ass out for another hunt tomorrow, and he’d be pissed if you were fast asleep.

‘He should take some sleeping pills’, you thought. Maybe he would actually be remotely okay then.

Not fall asleep, get up, walk to the kitchen, see Dean, not acknowledge each other, get your cereal and leave. Again and again. You may have liked it, though. Just that little bit of routine in your hectic lives. Even if it was a bad routine.

You poured your cereal, your back to Dean, in complete silence. It was nice. Comfortable.

You picked up your spoon, ready to head back to bed, and turned around to find Dean already looking at you. You paused on the spot, unsure as to why he was staring. He didn’t stop when you noticed him. He looked as tired as ever. The sight of him, looking exhausted, with a bowl of cereal and beer, was heartbreaking. It physically hurts to look at.

He looked at you, and you looked back. Silent. Again. You wish you knew what to say, but what could you say? ‘Hey, Dean. You look like shit.’ You were sure you looked just as bad.

The sudden eye contact didn’t end. You both are not blinking, not moving, simply just looking. It was like you were communicating telepathically, just understanding each other and the hell you were both going through. This life was bad enough with sleep.

He didn’t say anything when you moved to sit down next to him, he didn’t say anything when you began to eat your (soggy) cereal, and he didn’t say anything when you finished eating. He just drank his beer and ate his cereal wordlessly. He said nothing when you sat there for 5… 10… 15… 20 minutes. Not one word.

You wanted to know what was going on in his head so badly. You wanted to know how you could help if you could help. But Dean doesn’t share his problems. You knew that, Sam knew that Cas knew that- everybody in the damn world knew that.

You sat and sat and sat silently. Half an hour passed, then an hour, then two… before you knew it, Sam was walking in- tired and grumpy. The sun had risen (not that you could see it), and a new day had started.

“You look like shit, dude”, Dean said to Sam, who promptly rolled his eyes.

---------------------------------------------------

This time, when you couldn’t sleep, you didn’t go to the kitchen. You just laid there. Unmoving. You’re sleep-deprived mind was overthinking everything- what if you fucked up on that hunt 3 years ago, and Sam and Dean still hate you to this day? What if Sam hates you? What if Dean hates you? What if Dean is so fucking sick of you interrupting his nightly cereal time? You were a victim of your mind- your thoughts and inability to sleep.

Ugh. You were so hungry. But, right now, your brain was convincing you you were single-handedly Dean’s biggest annoyance right now (if Dean could read your thoughts right now, he would be calling you his biggest idiot).

A knock on your door startled you more than it should’ve (considering you had been hunting for quite a while at this point).

A knock. At (you looked over to your alarm clock) 3:34am. ‘Why is Sam awake at this time? Why’s he knocking on my door?’ you thought. ‘It can’t be Dean. I’ve done nothing but piss him off for the last month. You squint your eyes preemptively as you reach over to turn on the lamp by your bed and get up. The floor was cold under your feet, and your body was exhausted from the lack of sleep. You reached towards the doorknob, preparing to see Sam.

Sam. Who was definitely not at the door. Because Dean was standing there, in boxers and a white t-shirt, holding 2 bowls of cereal, looking as tired as you felt. Huh.

He looked at you silently, extending one bowl towards yourself. You took it hesitantly, staring at him, confused. He didn’t react. He didn’t say a word. Just lifted his bowl to eat his cereal. You moved to give Dean the option to come in. It was like a silent agreement had happened between you. Cereal and silence.

He walked in and sat on your bed; you closed your door and joined him. Wordless. Silent.

Maybe, you weren’t annoying him. Perhaps, he enjoyed this as much as you did. Maybe. Maybe.

Ten minutes passed, and you finished your cereal and leaned over to put it on the mahogany desk. ‘The Men of Letters enjoyed a frivolous life, huh. Who needs a mahogany desk?’ You thought, trying to distract yourself from your overactive mind. Dean moved over to do the same, leaning into you whilst he did.

He didn’t seem to lean away from you after that. He didn’t seem to move at all. He just sat close as you both stared at the wall, unblinking. God, you were tired. You just wanted to sleep. You felt like your body was going to shut down any day now.

“You should get some sleep,” Dean’s groggy voice came out of nowhere. It surprised you, him actually talking.

“Yeah, I’m trying,” you replied. Hell, you were trying. You were trying so hard, you just needed to-. Dean moved before you could finish your thought, standing up and moving to the top of the bed, pulling back the dishevelled sheets. He laid down in the bed, propping his head onto his hands.

“Are you just going to stand there?”

You moved to join him in the tiny twin bed. He pulled back the covers to let you in. You weren’t too sure what to do with yourself, then. You sat there with your knees to your chin, shoulders hunched. He had invited himself into your bed, and you felt like you were invading HIS space. Why were you still overthinking this? Why were you still thinking he didn’t want you here? Obviously, he did!

His arm wrapped around your shoulders before you could think anymore. You looked over at him, his green eyes reflective in the lamplight, and he looked back at you. Wordless. You gave him a small smile and moved to lie down. He joined you, his arm still wrapped around your shoulder. You debated whether you should lean against his chest but decided not to overthink it and just do it. You were sick of overthinking every little thing.

His other arm wrapped around your waist, yours wrapped around his. This was good. He was good. Nothing was exchanged between you; there wasn’t a need for words. You both knew this was what you two needed- each other. Dean had never really been alone (whether it was Sam, Cas, or Benny), and he needed somebody there to remind him that everything was okay. You were okay- sleep-deprived and needing a new career, but okay.

Your eyes were shutting before you could help it. Dean’s steady heartbeat in your ear and arms around your body calmed you. It was almost funny how quickly you were falling asleep now. Months and months of sleepless nights, and all it took was Dean to be here, holding you. You wished you could enjoy it more (not knowing if this would happen again), but you were so goddamn tired.

---------------------------------------------------

You awoke the following day to repeated knocks on your door and Sam’s voice shouting your name. Damnit Sam. He opened your door before you even had the chance to fully wake up.

“Have you seen Dea- oh.”

The man in question was fast asleep, his arms still wrapped around you, your legs tangled together. You looked towards Sam as he mouthed a quick ‘sorry’ and left hurriedly. You were surprised it didn’t wake Dean. A pin drop could wake him up. You looked over at him, admiring how peaceful he looked. It was simple. Simple and nice and sort of domestic. Or as domestic as a hunter’s life can be.

You leaned against his chest, his arms tightening around you, falling back asleep.

You two had a different routine from then on- if either couldn’t sleep, you would find each other.

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader fluff

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lushlovers · 1 year

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The P-word, J Burrow

summary; he doesn't know what to say or how to react to things like this.

warnings; fluff fr, mentions of pregnancy and pregnancy tests, pet names (baby, honey, ) joe actually kinda sucks with words but same lmaoooo, swearing, kissing

word count; 903

note; yes angst but also fluff. i'm working on more frat!lsu!joey, but this was something random I wanted to post since it's been a little while. i hate the ending no one talk about it. winter writer's block ain't no joke fr.

this is kind of my thank you for two hundred followers even though we are just on the cusp of three, but thank you so much, I appreciate the support of my works more than you will ever know. i love every one of my followers so so sooo much yall are the best:)

Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant. Maybe the more you think of those eight letters will fade away and completely off the little plastic at-home test you decided to finally take. God the word just keeps ringing in your head like the most annoying of alarms. How the hell are you supposed to tell him? His career's just started he'll never be along for the roller coaster ride, especially not when it consists of a baby running around as well.

However, luck chooses to be your opponent this evening since Joe's already home and sitting on the couch in the living room, completely oblivious to the fact that your world has just turned completely upside down. It took a while for you to work up the nerve to call him up, but when you did everything suddenly felt so heavy.

The weight refused to leave your shoulders as he sat on the truck at the foot of your bed. Rehearing in the mirror, preparing for every scenario, but especially for the one that you hope and pray will never occur. Everything that you've been through together, nothing will go wrong, he's too good of a person.

After several minutes, worry becomes evident in your voice as he asks you through the door if everything's alright, "'M fine, just nervous, I guess." That seemed to do the opposite of what you intended, that is, maybe your lying and saying you're fine would shut him up for a bit, but your being nervous led to many other questions from the other side of the door.

Adding on to that p-word, every what if clouds your mind as well. What if telling him this is your biggest regret? What if he just packs his shit and leaves? What if-, "Baby, are you sure?" Fucks sake he's still going with his questions, in any less stressful situation this would've been appreciated, but not when you can barely seem to focus on the most topic at hand.

Now or never, seemed to be the only thing that got you to push open the door and finally face the man you love so dearly. He almost instantly jumps up, concern written all over his face even more so when he glances in the direction of your hands. "Do you wanna tell me what's going on?" No, not entirely, you think but you won't let that escape your mouth, matter of fact, nothing leaves your mouth for many seconds. Maybe never was a good idea.

It took a bit for you to unscramble your words and finally speak up, "I'm gonna tell you something, but you have to try not to freak out." Your mouth felt dry the way your anxiety made your throat close up made it feel like your lungs had shrunk five times the size they were before, "Okay, care to share? I'm like shitting my pants right now," Joe spoke, chuckling but not because it was funny, he laughs because he's terrified of what words may escape your lips.

You do everything you can to avoid his eyes because the all too familiar feeling of tears surfaces on your waterline and his brows furrow at that. "Honey, you know you can tell me anything, yeah?" His question is lost to you as he cups your face thumbing away the tears before they got a chance to slip down your cheeks. The feeling of his eyes searching yours for any answer to all the questions that he's thinking about is a scary feeling.

"I'm pregnant," it comes out as a whisper, but the way the color completely drains from his face, you know he understood every syllable of those two words. For a split second, he stares at you with a look you don't think you've ever received from him before, "That's... wow." A strangled breath of half relief and half worry escapes you at his response.

Your soul leaves your body as he racks his brain for something to say to express just how he's feeling, but he's almost certain there is no possible way to verbally explain it. Now tears are welling up in his pretty blue eyes, "That's insane, I dunno what to say, are you sure?" His voice is trembling just as much as his hands as you place the test into his palm, he gets choked up as he reads over the same word that had your stomach in knots before with nothing but admiration and surprise.

"Holy fucking shit," he gapes, pulling you into him so tight it nearly knocks the wind right out of you. You laugh now as it settles into your mind that Joe would never do anything to hurt you or your baby in any way possible and to think he would ever leave in a situation like this one was silly, but thinking irrationally tends to happen quite a lot.

"I'm gonna be a dad, I need to call-" you cut him off before he's able to go on his rant, "How about we pause, and we can tell whoever we want in the most extravagant, Joseph Burrow way possible?" He snorts at that, pulling his face away from his place against your shoulder, muffling some form of agreement against your lips, then your jaw, neck, and clavicle, and lowering himself to his knees.

For a moment he looks up at you, "Sorry if I scared you with my response, I don't usually know what to say in times like this and my brain went into shock mode."

#joe burrow #joe burrow x reader #joe burrow x you #joe burrow fic #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow smut #joe burrow fan fic #joe burrow oneshot #joe burrow blurb #nfl fan fic

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hello-kuni · 8 months

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𝐵𝐸 𝑀𝑌 𝑂𝑁𝐶𝐸 𝐼𝑁 𝐴 𝐿𝐼𝐹𝐸𝑇𝐼𝑀𝐸 - diluc ragnvindr

body worship : masterlist

syn : after many set backs on your journey, you had no choice but to stay the night at a small inn. that cramped space did no favors for years of infatuation. how long can he last before he shows you his long kept secret?

length : 3.1k

warnings : 18+ minors do not interact, princess!reader, knight!diluc, some angst (i'm so sorry it wrote itself i swear), virgin reader (and virgin diluc but he won't tell you that until years later), body worship but it's kinda subtle? unintentionally, pussy eating, raw sex, breast play, one minor instance of power imbalance

notes : this turned out kinda soft instead of kinky, but that's okay but it'll get worse this month

as the moon rose higher and the sun sank lower, diluc made the decision to stop at the nearest inn. if it had just been him it wouldn’t have been an issue to press on the rest of the way. but with you in his care, he couldn’t bear to risk your safety.

however, so far from the capital, the cities grew further and further apart. a suitable inn would be like finding an oasis in a desert. and he was right. the inn was tiny enough to barely qualify. it would have to make do. you didn’t much mind it, though. not when you were finally outside the stuffy palace walls. not when you got to be alone with diluc.

the two of you grew up together. always at each other's side. but lately, it felt like you saw less of him with each passing day. he was supposed to be your personal guard but there was always someone new each week. part of you felt that he was avoiding you. every time that thought crossed your mind it rose such hideous emotions you fought hard to keep at bay. when it was announced you were to pay a visit to a duke in the north on official business, you jumped at the opportunity to appoint him as the head of your detail.

diluc did not oppose, but he also said nothing.

outside the inn, diluc ordered the other guards to stay outside, where they would camp for the night. the innkeeper apologized profusely about the lack of space and made up for it with a hefty amount of food. despite your protests. it wasn’t his fault such a large party ended up there.

with your one suitcase in hand, you headed into the small room with diluc in tow. he was grumbling about something you chose not to hear.

“it’s cute,” you said of the room as you set the suitcase on the floor.

“it’s small,” he remarked, though not with derision.

“well, we can’t expect much so far between cities.” you turned around and sighed. he’d already disappeared into the bathroom. the sound of running water met your ears. when he emerged a few minutes later, you asked, “is something bothering you? you’ve been short with me all day.”

“it’s been a long day, your highness,” he sighed. he never addressed you like that. you knew not to press an issue when he got like that, so you let it go. “you should bathe now before the water goes cold.”

that final statement left you no room to argue. funny how a knight could make you feel so small. with a huff, you grabbed your clothes and went into the bathroom. it was the least relaxing bath you’d ever had. this trip up north was supposed to mend the broken bridge between the two of you. but he just kept widening the distance.

you tried--and failed--to scrub away the frustration. for years something bloomed in your chest every time you looked at him. when you caught a glimpse of his smile, the concentrated look when he was on the training grounds, or the softness of his features as he napped in the garden when only you were around. he was stern and often cold to others, even when he acted in good faith. but he was vulnerable when it was just the two of you. as were you. how many nights had either of you spent consoling the other? how many traded tears did you keep bottled in your hearts?

despite your title, you dared to dream of a life where you got to be with him. happily. forever.

with a heavy heart, you dragged yourself out of the shallow tub. with the hem of the silk nightgown brushing your calves, you walked back into the room only to find diluc sitting against the wall opposite the bed. he cracked his eyes open only wide enough to peer at you before closing them again.

nothing was said as you climbed into bed. you stared at the dark ceiling, unable to fall asleep.

“you don’t really plan to sleep down there, do you?” you asked. “there’s plenty of room on the bed.”

that wasn’t true. the bed would barely be able to fit him and you side by side. but you couldn’t bear the suffocating weight that hung in the air.

“it would be inappropriate if i did, your highness.”

there it was again: that formal title. you sat up. before you knew what you were doing, you crawled to the end of the bed. all the bottled up the emotions poured out. you bit your bottom lip to keep the welling tears from falling over. your voice sounded strained as you spoke. “what did i do to drive you away?”

diluc’s head snapped forward. even in the dark, his red hair still glowed like a beacon leading you home. feeling like this, lost and confused, all you wanted was his warm embrace. the same as all those other nights. the idea of never having that again filled you with such sorrow.

“what are you talking about?”

a sob broke free. “you used to always be at my side, but now i’m always lonely. for you to put such a distance between us, i must have done something. tell me what it is. i’ll fix it.”

you had crawled off the bed and towards him. it took everything in you not to reach out to him.

he took a slow, shaky breath. he took your hands in his, the grip loose but steady unlike his voice as he spoke. “i knew that if i didn’t distance myself from you, i wouldn’t be able to keep my feelings at bay.”

“your feelings?”

“i love you in a way i’m not allowed to.”

“diluc, i--”

“don’t,” he cut you off, turning his face away. “you don’t understand how i feel about you, or for how long. if i told you all the things i want to do to you, you would have me thrown in the dungeons. please, princess, just let me be.”

he let go of your hands, simultaneously pushing you away.

you couldn’t let this be the end. not when he was so close. finally so close after so long. you leaned forward, planting your hands on either side of his face and forcing him to look at you. pain twisted his features. longing filled his eyes. and something much more intense lay beneath it all. there were no words you could find to perfectly express yourself, so you settled for gently pressing your lips against his own.

diluc stiffened under your touch. but he didn’t pull away. he couldn’t bring himself to do so. the kiss he’d always dreamed of finally happened, and he could do nothing about it. only knowing that he wanted more.

as the initial shock wore off, diluc’s body relaxed and he pulled you in for another kiss. this time laced with years worth of desire. he pushed you back, lip-locked, and you had barely the mind to put your hands back and catch yourself.

when he finally pulled away, air rushed back into your lungs. he huffed as he searched your eyes for any hint of unsurety. you were more sure of this moment than you’d ever been of anything in your life before.

he froze above you. something like regret or terror flashed in his eyes. once more, he pulled away, backing against the wall.

“if i order you to, will that change anything?” you asked.

“you know well that i can’t go against your word, and i know well you would never use your power like that.”

he was right. you sat on your knees, tired of this hot-and-cold game. “anything,” you said. hoping against all odds that this would be a better approach. he needn’t hold back anymore. “you can do anything. i want it. more than you can possibly know.”

he shook his head, wisps of red hair dancing over his cheeks. “i’ve already done more than i should. i’m satisfied.”

“i’m not.” the words came out a half shout. “how could one kiss ever be enough? i want a lifetime.”

“and i want to give you a lifetime,” he bit out. his eyes were fiery as he met your gaze in the dark. “but we both know i can’t give you that.”

“then give it to me now, if only for one night.” one night would never be enough, but it would be better than regretting having had nothing. you could see in his eyes he thought the same.

“there’s no undoing it,” he said.

“i don’t want it to be undone. not with you. never with you.”

a thin stream of moonlight filtered into the room, highlighting the bob of his throat as he swallowed hard. he stood and pulled you up with him. his body firm against yours. the rapid beat of his heart a twin to yours. what was about to happen could not be undone. if anyone found out, you would be ruined. he would lose his position and his family’s favor of the royal family for laying such hands on the kingdom’s beloved princess. why did something so pure have to feel so selfish? if only you’d been born in a lower station or he in a higher station. then perhaps this love wouldn’t be so complicated. so hidden and buried.

his fingertips ghosted down your jaw, lightly gripping your chin. he stared at your lips. you waited with bated breath. finally, he leaned down and caught your lips in a gentle kiss. if he was going to do this, he wouldn’t rush it. he’d take all night if he had to. and cherish every second while he could.

one step and then another. he walked you back towards the bed all while keeping your lips connected. he guided you carefully onto the bed, taking a brief moment to catch your breath. light kisses trailed up your jaw and back down. kisses landed anywhere he could touch. he met your gaze, steady and alight with a mix of emotions.

“i want to show you the depths of my love. i want you to feel every bit of how much i adore you.”

his words met you squarely. this one and only chance and he wanted to make the most of it. just as you did. it would be a waste of a night to not. he trailed his lips down the contours of your body, over the silk nightgown hugging every curve. he stopped where the hem met your calves. warm breath taunted burning skin. never had you wanted anything more than to feel his lips on your leg, to feel them make their way higher and higher.

his teeth dug into the plump flesh of your thigh. not hard enough to break skin, but enough to elicit a hiss of breath followed by a shaky moan. your heart raced the closer he got to your aching pussy.

propped against the pillows and your nightgown bunched around your waist, you had a clear view of diluc as his lips met yours. the first lick of his tongue had your head pressing deeply into the pillow. it was a foreign feeling. one that possibly only he could elicit. the only one you wanted to make you feel this way.

he brought his hands up under your ass, pulling you against his mouth. he moaned into you. the feeling, the taste, the reality. all of it melted together on his tongue.

“so good, princess,” he murmured. “so good.”

the bed rocked subtly as he ground his hips against the mattress. any friction was good enough, just to sate him a while longer.

your toes curled. thighs clenching tighter with each swipe and swirl of his tongue. but the worst—or best—part was each gentle suck of your clit. every earlier worry washed away, forgotten in the depths of your mind. the only thing you could focus on was his touch. each point you bodies connected, however lightly, set your skin aflame. blissfully so.

he was unhurried. taking his time as he drew you ever nearer to the peak of pleasure. his nose pressing into you clit as his tongue prodding at your sopping hole. your back arched off the bed, hands fisting the sheets. you fought hard to keep the noises budding in your throat from spilling out, lest the other knights outside begin to make assumptions. but it was a futile effort.

his name fell from your mouth amid a moan as your legs trembled with the sheer force of your orgasm. he never stopped, never slowed. he didn’t seem to care how tightly your legs closed around his head, or how harshly your hands pulled on his hair—where they had subconsciously found their way.

none of that mattered to him. not now. not ever.

it took a long moment for you to come back down. chest heaving and legs twitching. only then did he part from you. he looked up at you from his place between your legs.

“i wish you could see how beautiful you look right now,” he said, lips glistening with the evidence of your orgasm.

the thought was far too embarrassing. being so exposed in front of someone was already an ordeal of its own, to think about how you looked to him was unfathomable.

he tore you from your thoughts as he littered kisses across your belly, working his way up to your breasts, still hidden beneath silk. his lips lingered just below your collarbone as he tugged your nightgown down, enough to free your breasts.

his lips wrapped around a nipple, sucking gently. one hand came up to play with other, carefully rolling and pinching it between his thumb and forefinger. he’d be lying if he said in the years of late he hadn’t thought about this. quietly undressing you in his mind, imagining the way your breasts would look in his hands. it still seemed so unreal to him. that he was here. with you under him. time your greatest enemy. and your dear friend.

you told him he could do anything he wanted and you meant it. but he was the epitome of chivalry. never would he treat you in a way unbecoming of a princess. his touch was delicate. carefully unwrapping you with the utmost care. you could tell he was holding back, however, no amount of reassurance would make him act his deepest desires.

perhaps what that was what attracted you to him.

his devotion to his code as a knight. beyond ensuring your safety from those who may wish to do you harm.

despite loving the feeling of his mouth on your nipple, you pulled him away. you wanted his lips on yours. you didn’t want to wait any longer, not with the night slipping away. you wanted to feel him. all of him.

he seemed to understand through the touch of your lips alone. his forehead dropped against your own. “are you ready?” he whispered, breath tickling your nose.

propped on his elbows above you, his hair created a red curtain around you. encapsulating you in a world only you two belonged. where this night would never end and loving each other wouldn’t have to be a shameful secret.

you wanted to stay there forever.

“yes,” you said with what may have been too enthusiastic of a nod. your hands rested on the nape of his neck, threading through the hair there. his eyes searched yours for any hint of doubt. but your gaze was steady, unwavering.

diluc reached between your bodies to align the tip of his cock with your awaiting entrance. he sank into you slowly with a single push until his hips were flush with yours.

you winced at the stretch, nails digging into the backs of his shoulders. the pain didn’t faze him. you could draw blood and he wouldn’t bat an eye.

he kissed your cheek. “if it’s too much, we can stop.”

“no, no.” you took a deep breath and pushed your hips up. “keep going.”

he hesitated, not wanting to put your through something uncomfortable. he’d spent his whole life ensuring you were never hurt, and now he was the one causing you pain. but he trusted you. so he continued.

the first roll of his hips was short. no more than a test. the next one was longer, slower. the knot between your brows loosened with each tender thrust. your legs wrapped around his waist, nails dragging down his back.

his head fell into the crook of your neck, lips attaching to your skin. you’d heard about this feeling in conversation with other court ladies, some disagreeing with other, but you never knew how wonderful it would feel. or if it ever would again.

each long drag of his cock against your sensitive walls plucked a moan from you. the initial pain gave way to pleasure you had only ever felt in dreams that had you blushing for a whole day. you’d blush every day for months after this.

your nails decorated his back.

he spoke your name into your shoulder. not “princess” as he had always called you, but your name. you held him tighter, your pussy tightening around him with that one word.

“i’m gonna—” you were cut off by a sudden moan at the feeling of his tip hitting a spot you didn’t know could elicit such a feeling.

“just a little longer,” he said. his thrusts had grown erratic, nearing then end you were already at. little moans spilled from your lips as you came around him, back arching and breasts pressing against his chest.

he bit down on your shoulder to keep himself quiet as he came inside you. he gave a few slow, shallow rolls of his hips. your chest heaved with the effort to catch your breath.

diluc rolled over with you in his arms, not yet pulling out. if only to relish in the feeling of being in you. he stared at the ceiling and traced light shapes on your back. your head lay on his chest, his rapid heartbeat echoing in your ear.

“tell me it doesn’t have to end,” he said.

you propped yourself up on his chest, looking at him intently. “i’m not giving up on you, diluc. whatever doubts or reservations you may have for the future, i won’t give up.”

after tonight, how could you ever fathom spending your life with another man? he was the only one you dreamed of a lifetime with. and you would have that.

#genshin impact x reader #diluc x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact smut #genshin smut #diluc smut #genshin impact x you #diluc x you #genshin x you

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corrodedbisexual · 5 days

Text

The original plushie

Steddie | G | ~4.1k | AO3 link

This fanart of Eddie sleeping with a bunch of stuffed toys by @baleful-blurbs infected my brain and refused to leave until this ridiculous fluffy thing got written 😭 Please make sure to reblog those wonderful sketches to support the artist who inspired the plushie silliness♥️

Featuring: Tooth-Rotting Fluff, seriously beware of cavities, Light Angst, Plushies, Childhood Memories, POV Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Steve Harrington Has Bad Parents, Good Parent Wayne Munson, Requited Love, Cuddling, Getting Together, Boys In Love

The mortifying ordeal of Eddie's crush discovering his secret plushie cuddle nest turns out to be not so mortifying after all. Steve even starts borrowing said plushies to take back home with him; some time later, Eddie finds out why.

Snippet under the cut

“Who’s this?” Steve asks, grinning as he pokes at the teddy’s ridiculous smiley face.

“Oh. That’s… that’s Mr. Boogers.” Eddie huffs and rolls his eyes. “Please don’t ask.”

Still grinning, Steve turns to him. “Well, now you know I gotta.”

Eddie groans, rubbing a hand across his flustered face, and figures he might as well tell the story now that he’s dug his own grave. “He was, uh… kinda defective from the start, there were some stitches loose around his nose and there was stuffing coming out of it, like… well…”

Steve giggles. “Boogers. Gotcha.”

“Yeah. Wayne grumbled about it and wanted to ask for a different one, but I was already in love with this one and clung to him and refused to trade. Cos like, you know how plushies of the same type are supposed to be identical but they’re really not ? And one of them has that perfect face and the others just seem off?”

Eddie blushes, thinking now would be the moment he finally gets ridiculed for being twenty years old and having strong opinions on plushie faces of all things, but Steve just smiles and nods.

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I once spilled some gouache on a Mickey Mouse I owned and instead of washing him, mom just bought me a new one of the same series.” Steve sighs. “It was obvious 'cos his eyes were a little closer together and his smile wasn’t crooked to the left. I knew he wasn’t the same Mickey.”

Again, Eddie’s heart aches for little Steve, like pretty much any time the boy reveals stories from his childhood in a tone too lighthearted for the words spoken, in Eddie’s opinion. Rich people really don’t value anything, huh. (With Steve being the obvious exception.)

“Yeah, see? You get it!” Eddie exclaims, pointing at Steve and putting more excitement into the words than he feels. Mostly, he just feels relieved and pleasantly surprised at how unexpectedly he and Steve managed to bond over their shared fondness for their childhood toys. “So anyway, Wayne relented and we took this funny guy home, my uncle patched him up, but the nickname stuck. Mr. Boogers. Boogie for short.”

Steve laughs again, but there’s nothing malicious about it as he looks back to the teddy in his lap and flicks his ear.

“Nice to meet you, Boogie,” he says with an affectionate smile that makes Eddie want to burrow his face into the mattress and giggle like an idiot.

And maybe scream a little, because what the fuck. It should be illegal for your crush to talk cute to your goddamn childhood plushies.

Whole fic on AO3

#steddie #steddie fic #misha-bawlins fanfic #fanfic #fluff #steddie fluff #seriously god bless fandom artists being an endless source of inspiration

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theebubblegumbitch · 1 year

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You Know You Ain’t Gettin Your Bitch Back~

Chad Meeks Martin x fem!reader

Synopsis: After attending a frat Party with your (soon to be ex-) bf, his behavior leads to a fight between y’all. Good thing Chad is there to comfort you…

Warnings: none for now (maybe in a part two) some angst, some fluff, slightly suggestive ending but not really, Chad being a girlfriend stealing charmer

Series: Pt.1 , Pt.2

You can’t even remember why you agreed to come to this stupid party. And then you feel a familiar hand on your back, your boyfriend Derek had dragged you here… of course. And that’s not to say you didn’t love your boyfriend, of course you did! He could just be… pushy, sometimes is all. He never got physical with you but he sure was stubborn, and didn’t seem very good at listening to you when you said you “weren’t the constantly going out type” which was true. You enjoyed a good party as much as the next girl but, this was like the fourth one had brought you to this week, and it was literally only Thursday! You didn’t seem to understand how he got the energy for all this.

All of a sudden you’re snapped out of your thoughts when you hear Derek’s voice calling your name. “Y/N, hellooo, you okay there babe?” He was looking at you as you came out of your zoned out state, haphazardly waving his drink in front of your face. You hated when he did that, acting like you were some space case in front of your shared friends. “Yea I’m fine, was just thinking is all.” You answered him semi-sheepishly, already slightly tired from the amount of social interaction you had done so far.

“Well don’t hurt yourself pretty, can’t have that gorgeous skin of yours forming premature wrinkles!” He said that to the other guys with a chuckle. But you didn’t find it very funny. In fact it was pretty damn rude, maybe even the rudest you had ever heard him be towards you. You quickly spun around to face him. “Okay first of all, don’t know where the fuck that came from, and second, what the hell! Is that really how you think you should be speaking to me? In front of our friends no less??” You were mad, and the volume of your voice showed it. Any louder and you would’ve caused a huge scene, which was definitely the last thing you wanted. Derek could only look at you with a shocked smile on his face. “Babe calm down okay? It was just a joke you know that.”

You couldn’t believe he actually had the nerve to say that instead of apologizing. “Well it sure didn’t fucking sound like one! And even if it did, I clearly wasn’t laughing was I?” Your voice was definitely getting a bit louder now, you even felt your face getting hot. And this douchebag still wasn’t taking you seriously. “Woah Woah Woah, where is all this coming from? Are you okay, I mean are- are we okay cause this feels like a fight babe.” He was slightly laughing as he looked around the living room you were in. It seemed like he was just as paranoid about causing a scene as you were.

“Yes this is a fight Derek! I mean my god, I knew I was smarter than you but come on! A cucumber could put that together!” It felt really good to yell at him, probably too good if you were being really honest with yourself. But you were fed up of all the little building instances of disrespect, so this was definitely necessary. “I seriously don’t know what I did wrong, I mean it was just a joke! It was supposed to funny!” Wow was this man clueless, were your standards really that low? “It’s not just about that one “joke” Derek! It’s about all the little stupid and honestly disrespectful things that you keep doing! Like consistently dragging me to these parties, that I keep telling you I don’t want to come to!” Man did it feel good to get that off your chest, however your boyfriend didn’t look too happy about it.

“What are we even doing right now babe, like what is this? Are we breaking up?” He kinda looked sad now, which is why you felt slightly bad for what you were about to say. “Ya know what Derek yes! We’re breaking up because I simply cannot deal with you anymore!” You said, or rather yelled, that in his face before storming off to the kitchen. Hoping to drown your anger in alcohol and maybe some pop tarts or something. Upon making your way to the counter you grab the first bottle of cheap vodka you see and go to start chugging, when a strong hand on your arm stops you. “Woah careful there tiger, you can’t just go chugging random bottles that could be roofied!” The man spoke as he grabbed the bottle from your hand to lower it back down onto the kitchen counter. You spoke fast without even looking up at him. “Well after my last ten minutes spent here, I really don’t care if I do get roofied, or alcohol poisoned, or blackout drunk or whatever! In fact that’s kind of the goal right now so, move along.” You sajd as you made a shooing motion with your hands towards the man before coming face to face with his abs, and then his face. Holy shit he was attractive. Way more so than your now ex-boyfriend Derek…

Your borderline unethical thoughts were interrupted by his voice yet again. “Well I’m Chad, and I gotta ask, what exactly was so bad about the last ten minutes that made you want to completely disregard your safety? Just curious.” He asked you with an air of sarcastic humor, but he honestly seemed pretty sincere and truth be told, you kinda wanted someone to talk to. “Just broke up with my boyfriend that I came here with. Well he actually sorta made me come here because I didn’t really want to, but that’s not important. Point is he was acting like a dick to me in front of our friends then acted totally clueless when I confronted him about, which made me realize that he’s kinda always been a dick soooo yea. That’s how my night’s going.” You finished your ramblings as you slumped yourself against the counter. You felt relieved to be able to say all of that out loud.

Chad just looked at you for a second, mouth slightly agape from your info-dump. “Well, he sounds like he sucks, and you seem pretty cool so, good on you for getting rid of him!” He somewhat awkwardly raised his hand for a high five, which you reluctantly met. You felt bad for being so unenthusiastic about talking to him, I mean he was being so bubbly and outgoing, letting a complete stranger vent about her relationship problems. “Yea he did suck, and thanks for letting me ramble, I’m y/n by the way.” You finally formally introduced yourself as you went to shake his hand, a habit you had picked up while you were learning to be more polite as a kid. “Ah no problem y/n, and I like the handshake it’s very- gentlewomanly.” You chuckled a little at the phrase. This guy was actually pretty charming, and it definitely helped that he was insanely good looking.

“Ya know you’re actually pretty funny and nice for a guy at a frat party. You don’t really see that a lot ya know?” You were making full eye contact with him now, genuinely enjoying your conversation. “Ah yea I get that a lot, guys kinda hate it cause it means I get a lot of attention from woman and it makes them jealous, but I don’t really care. Half of the guys at this party don’t know how to treat women anyway.” He sounded kinda cocky, but truthfully he was right. College guys were dicks, especially ones who came to frat parties. “Sounded to me like your boyfriend was one of them.”

Okay you were not expecting that. But once again, the gorgeous man in front of you wasn’t wrong. You made sure to look in his eyes as you spoke next, noticing something that you didn’t think was there before. “Yea you’re definitely right about that, looking back I have no idea how I even ended up giving him a chance.” Chad seemed to like that answer, which was good because it was true. Derek wasn’t even really your type. The man that was standing in front of you now was, and you had never been more happy to be a single woman. “I mean I don’t even know you all that well yet but I will say that, you’re absolutely gorgeous, so I’m pretty sure any man in here would be no where near your league.”

And there it was, your opportunity. “Oh yea? You think that includes you Chad?” You framed it as a genuine question, but you already knew the answer. You watched as his eyes flicked to your lips for a second, biting the corner of his lip ever so slightly as he spoke. “I mean, that’s all up to you y/n. I can’t speak for you after all.” And with that you had already decided on your next move, you only had to see if he would take the bait. “Yea I guess you’re right… Anyway I kinda don’t wanna be at this party anymore so I’m gonna walk back to my dorm!” You said as you quickly turned heel to start leaving the kitchen, but not before you said one last thing. “You can walk me back if you’d like, ya know since I don’t have Derek to do it anymore.” You watched as Chad stood up straight with a smirk on his face and walked towards you, slinging an arm around your shoulder.

“Oh I can definitely do that.”

A/N: oh this one was funnnn~ I seriously love writing for Chad I just NEED MORE IDEAS!! So seriously send me asks I’m lowkey begging 🙏 but anyway thanks for reading and if y’all want I will def do a part two! Y’all’s wish is my command and all that

-With love, from Miss Grace<3

#Spotify #~grace writes!#chad meeks martin x reader #scream 6 #scream #chad meeks martin #chad meeks x reader #chad Meeks #angst #chad meeks smut #chad meeks martin smut

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silenttale22 · 7 months

Text

PRETTY LIKE YOU |JJK|

IDOL!BF!Jungkook x Chubby!reader Genre: Fluff, slight angst, suggestive(at the end) Warnings: curses, past/current low self-esteem, insecurities, avoiding, reader is a lil bit stupid, some sugar daddy theme(but not really), Word count: 5k Note: Hi there! As I won't be able to post another MHBTW chapter, I don't wanna leave you without nothing soooo, here's my Gguk`s fic I wrote when 'Seven' came out. I supposed to post it much earlier but kinda lost it in my drafts <sorry>

Since you were in middle school, thinking about dating anyone seemed to you as something impossible. Always being insecure because well…you didn't look like someone who got the attention of the whole school. And yeah you could be loud and funny sometimes around your group of friends where…of course were also boys.

Handsome boys you used to have crushes on but the thing with any of them, who found their place deeper in your heart, became only a friendship and you couldn't even imagine it in a different way.

Does it break your heart? At first, sure, but with the passing time you just get used to it, bottling up the emotions and just keep explaining to yourself that this is how the world is going…if you're bigger, not really 'cute' with your behavior, and despite tight clothes you prefer the baggy ones - your chance of having a boyfriend is zero.

That is why when you finished your school education, life seemed much different. Even after all these high school or college years, it was still so hard for you to change your way of thinking and your habits of pushing yourself into a corner with doubt that you could get someone's attention…and what even more - make someone to fall for you even a bit, was lingering to you without the change.

So when one day, the principal from your department in the work office came up with the plan that you are the one - ideal person to be sent to deliver important documents to one of the biggest studios in South Korea, you never thought that everything would turn upside down in a few hours.

When you arrived, the people who were supposed to take over the documents from you must have stayed late in meetings that had been going on since morning, so you spent a good few hours sitting at the reception desk looking at the wall or at the phone, as you couldn't just left the paper in the reception. Occasionally moving your gaze to the papers you had begun to memorize.

But when, out of nowhere, a group of young men with smiles on their faces walked through the main hall where you were already sitting half-asleep, you found it difficult to take your slightly blurry gaze away from the gentle and pleasing to the eye figures.

By pure coincidence, one of them met your gaze, and as an even wider, even more, charming smile came to his lips, you felt your cheeks begin to burn through the sudden rush of emotion.

Your cold-as-usual hands quickly found their way to cool your warm - probably reddened - skin and you tried to push the brief attraction out of your head as quickly as possible when you looked down at your spilled thighs on the leather couch. You got up from it quickly, smoothing down your trousers and trying to collect quickly the documents in your folders, a number of which you had with you.

It took you a good 15 minutes to disappear into the toilet, but as you reached it you were still trying to calm the sudden euphoria that had erupted in your chest over a silly little minute exchange of glances. You felt like a childish teenager who had managed to get any interest in her object of admiration for the first time.

However, could you even call it "getting interest"? A simple exchange of eye contact, no big deal. Yet it succeeded in confusing your mind.

At that moment, your head did not necessarily overthink the whole "escape" plan with precision. Because, again - how could you have known that when, right after leaving the restrooms and exiting the corridor leading out of the room, he would be standing leaning against the wall? The one you were trying to get away from as quickly as you could.

But the boy, unfazed with dreamy eyes, waited patiently holding a few sheets of paper in his hand. Another plan come up quickly, you thought - trying to walk past him unnoticed.

Maybe this time it will work out for you?

His hand soon reached over your shoulder, making you come face to face with the most beautiful being you could ever meet.

"You dropped this getting up from the sofa" he said with a friendly smile after staring into your eyes for a moment, pulling a paper towards you that must have fallen out of your bag

"Oh, thank you," a quick nod and you were about to pass his figure when once again a slender hand covered in tiny tattoos blocked your way.

"Will there be any chance of us seeing each other again?" his question knocks you completely out of your right mind, so for a moment you stare dully into his face, not knowing if it's all a stupid joke, or if you're dreaming and your head is making up some sick scenario, or if it's all true after all..." Hello? You there?" his hand waves in front of your face, bringing you back to reality.

"I-I don't know. I don't think so," you mutter under your breath rather than answer him, but the boy without even waiting pulls out his phone with the keypad on in your direction

"Maybe then there's a chance to get your phone number and know your name?" You can't resist his smile and his deer eyes begging for any kind of contact so you tap a few numbers into his mobile phone, saying also your name, and the boy almost with jumps wanted to leave your figure when this time it was you who stopped him with your hand

“But, wait! Can I at least know your name or something?"

"Oh, right. Sorry,” he chuckled quietly “I'm Jeongguk."

“Nice to meet you then” You smiled at him and even your constant insecurities disappeared for a second.

And from day one the two of you used to text almost all the time. It was hard for you to take your phone away sometimes because it kept buzzing every freaking time.

At first, you were excited because damn, he was still interested in you. You felt like you never did earlier. Being especially happy that you're not being judged by the way you look.

It seemed as the both of you had so many topics and it more than once made your heart flutter. You finally met someone who understood the rules of your favorite games or was eager to learn the new ones just because he wanted to know more about the things you like. And you could listen to him talking about new songs, choreographies, or when it was enough for his career being mesmerized by the sound of his voice and excited about every little thing…It happened that you even listened to the latest news from the motorization world, which Jeongguk seemed really fascinated by.

And it made you really happy.

Happy that you already have someone like that. Even if it was only for a while, only by phone…because what's the point in planning any meeting if you know very well that it will only bring the end of this friendship forward? Your head was always filled with this damn lack of confidence, so the thinking that maybe it would be better to end things sooner will be better.

You couldn't imagine the picture of yourself right next to Jungkook, you just couldn't.

It's hard to think about the possibility that people won't judge you…and what's even worse…that they can judge Jungkook, why would he ever suffer in any way because of your looks?

And yeah, despite every nice feeling you had inside, after a while, for a person like you - not used to this kind of constant attention, especially from someone like Jeongguk…his messages started to irritate you a little bit. Even if they still made you happy at some point, something seemed not right. He seemed clingy to you, in some way maybe even annoying…and with passing time it became too much.

Or you just thought it was too much…

That's why at first your phone was in constant silence mode, often ignoring the texts all along, pretending that you're busy…with work, with home stuff, with everything. Of course, sometimes you answer, from time to time trying to swallow down the enthusiasm filling you inside. Especially trying to calm down so often pounding heart inside your chest when a boy comes up online every freaking time when you send the shortest answers you could come up with. You've been sometimes answering with a dot or...emoji only, swallowing down the hard knot tightening inside your throat.

Eventually, you stopped answering at all. Knowing that he will just stop after some time because yeah, you're nothing special. Easy to replace. And you really thought that you were right when the phone stopped buzzing at every possible moment.

You thought that you're life would be filled with the same old silence as earlier.

However, the moment when the messages stopped popping up, an even heavier feeling dropped onto your chest. A silly longing for someone you barely knew began to embrace you with tight arms, and at certain moments you've been kind of cursing yourself a little. Because why do you feel so bad about the decision you made on your own. You may have made it under the influence of negative emotions flooding your head, but it was still yours.

With each growing feeling of guilt in your chest, you were soon reminded of who you were. What do you look like with your extra back rolls, extra scars, or stretch marks from growing too fast in some places. You run your hands over your cellulite-covered thighs and guilt turns to self-disgust. And then you realize how you sometimes behave, often interested in 'what's masculine', not really keeping your nose in fashion magazines or surfing the internet to find sales on new beauty products.

So the mere fact that the boy let it go shouldn't surprise you.

And yet it did hurt a little.

It was one of the next days when your phone was lying without any sounds in your bag. You were leaving the office late at night, and through an intense week at work and the previous weekend without sleep, your body was heavier than bags filled with grain. Your eyes were closing by themselves through being irritated by the light, so when you left the building lit by fake lighting, you felt quite relieved.

When you closed them for a short moment, you felt a sense of comfort. As you took one step after another with your eyes closed, you hit an unfamiliar object with a stronger impact. But it was softer than a pole, and yet was still hard and delicate to the touch under your fingertips. Only after a moment did you realize that it was the material of someone's shirt, and a sudden embarrassment crashed all over you. You jumped away quickly almost losing your balance, but strong hands grabbed you by the waist again pulling you close in a just as smooth manner.

"Am I that scary?" Your eyes widen as you hear the familiar voice that has lulled you to sleep more than once through your headphones, and your gaze drops to the tattooed hand clutching tightly at the fabric of your shirt.

"I-no, I mean, you.." is what you began to lose yourself in your own words through which you eventually let out only an annoyed huff, but the familiar hand begins to caress you with a thumb where it still safely keeps you from falling.

You feel the warmth spreading from this place and for a brief moment you feel so good, so different...but the thought that he's only doing this out of pity, and inside he squirms with disgust because has to hold someone like you, makes you want to push his hand away and get as far away from here as possible.

“I thought something bad had happened. You stopped responding so suddenly” you swallowed saliva heavily, avoiding his gaze, hearing that worried tone.

Because you knew that if you put an eye on his face, not only would the sense of guilt eat you up, but the fear that the lingering self-sense of inferiority would grip you even tighter, cutting off your access to oxygen. There was always this agonizing dread inside, every time you found yourself surrounded by pretty people. And Jeongguk in special was a pretty person. A person who could nevertheless intimidate the other one.

“I just simply wanted to get out of the way quicker,” you muttered, feeling that it wouldn't do any good at all, but then again, sooner or later the boy would get bored anyway, right?

There was no point in dragging this out.

“What the hell? Getting out of the way? What are you talking about?" this time you laughed meekly at his tone of voice, full of wonder, perhaps in the full sense of sadness.

He must have been not only a good singer but also an actor

“Jeongguk I know how I look. And it was really nice of you to, like uh, that you wanted to... talk to someone like me, but I don't need attention out of pity,” you said, finding the courage to look him straight in the eye.

And you soon regretted it, as the sparkling gaze scanned your face with all possible stars. A knot tightened in your stomach by the way with which Jeongguk looked at you with a twinge.

"Did you actually think my messages were...pity?" The boy tried once again to look you in the eye, but this time you avoided that look at all costs "I barely have time to look at my phone, and even more rarely I look at the messages.. but with you I did because I wanted to. I wanted to get to know you and with each another conversation I wanted even more"

"But, why?"

"Because you caught my eye, and well, now I can even say that I like you. Even if you played with my feelings a little. I wanted to get your attention at all costs. I wished that all the planned meetings were going to happen. Because I found in you someone who understands me. Who isn't just looking to get laid for my money." your brow furrowed, still feeling an uncomfortable tightness in your chest

"It doesn't make sense."

'Maybe for you. It makes a lot of sense to me, so if you doubt so much that my care and attention...Is caused by genuine affection, then let me prove it''

"Huh? What do you mean"

"I want a chance from you. I want to stay by your side until you kick me out yourself. There won't be a day you're disappointed in me. Every day of the week, every month...I'll do anything to make you feel good about me. Break my heart if you want to, but for now, let me be with you."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And from that day on, your heart didn't stop beating faster for Jeongguk even for a moment, and just like he said, he really did. There wasn't a day that the smile on your lips wasn't dancing because of him.

You can't lie, it was hard for you to get used to him at first. It was very often that your boy would shower you with some kind of gifts with every single meeting. As he couldn't understand that his time was completely enough for you.

That for you, it was enough to hold his hand in yours. To feel his fingers touching you softly when the two of you were out, assuring that he was right here. Staying up late at night, when he fell asleep tired on your tights (because it's the most comfortable pillow ever) just to watch his relaxed face and stroke his hair gently as he pouts adorably then.

It was enough for you to watch him playing on the console, pretending that you're reading a book behind his back, sometimes even knowing the plot of the game better than he does and helping him with quests. That's why, from time to time, he was pushing his head back and catching you staring so both of you giggled at the end.

It was enough to just have him. Nothing more was needed.

But even if Jeongguk knew that very well, because that was one of the reasons he fell for you more and more, he wanted to spoil you. Wanted to give you everything as he promised. And sometimes it was hard for him, to buy you something that reminded of you so so much, just to be scolded by his girlfriend as you never really wanted this gift. This expensive gifts, because when he came home one day with handmade paper flowers for 'his beautiful girl', your face lit up and you were about to cry.

Because that was one of the most genuine things someone did to you. He spends time making these flowers…thinking about you all the time while doing it. It made your heart flutter. Most of the things connected with this boy did.

"I don't want your money Jungkook, so please stop with these expensive gifts," you said once, as he came home with another necklace for you

"That my love, so just accept it" he huffed with a pout

"Koo, it's too much. You have to stop buying me stuff. I love it but I love you more, okay?" your hand gently brushed his cheek as he whined quietly

"But I want my baby to be happy"

"And I am more than happy when I'm with you Bun"

But does it change anything?

Yea, for a week so you could have another damn gift. And as time passed, you kind of got used to it. You knew that this is just one of the ways Jungkook showed his affection, but sometimes you wished to snap his head off because damn it feels so much like you'd have a sugar daddy or something like that. But in that case…it was enough that you're just here with him.

Promising your boy that he's not letting you down.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Gguk," you said when your boy with a smile came inside the room hiding something behind his back when you've been lying down on a couch.

As he didn't even answer, you closed your eyes with a loud huff as a sign of being ignored and tried to play cool as his heavy steps could be heard around the apartment. Your nose twitched as it was reached by the faint scent of his cotton perfume. And this time you heard giggles coming closer but you tried to brush it off just like Jungkook did and fight with a smile dancing on your lips.

Quiet music played from the TV so you could relax after a whole day in the office, where never-ending phone calls were so often ripping your head apart. Not going to mention filling out all of the boring documents, every time the same, and all it did was hurt your eyes. But it was your job. Even if you couldn't bear it sometimes.

That's why you needed this calm time at home. When your head could finally rest. Where you could change your formal clothes into a big Jungkook hoodie and sniff it every time when the unknown stress lingers on you. But as much as you needed it, you needed your boyfriend's arms around you too.

And as for your wish to be fulfilled, a shadow falls on you, and as eyes open wide, his face hovers over. Now, miserably losing the fight, when a smile appears on your lips. And firstly boy hovers even more over you, brushing gently your hair so after that a soft peck lands on your forehead.

But as he hears your giggle, making his heart go crazy, Jungkook can kiss it more than once, making you laugh. And he'd love to do that over and over again just to make you happy like that. And yeah, he's only starting as he slowly goes down with warm lips, touching your cheeks and lips making you giggle again and again as he tries to reach your face fighting with the couch backrest. Often losing his balance and falling a little bit stronger on you.

"Hello to you, my pretty Sunshine," he said pinching your cheek, and finally only looked at you from a small distance

"Hi Bun, tired?" you asked seeing his a little miserable face but he only sent a small nod.

"I swear, you look the prettiest in my clothes" you laughed, as he began to play with the strings of the hoodie

"How the recordings are going?" he smiled now, still standing behind the backrest hiding one of his hands behind his back

"Good, it was good. But I missed you sooo...."

"Googie" you chuckled when he took his hidden hand to see the bouquet of sunflowers "Aish, boy I told you to stop," you said but couldn't resist seeing him pout so you got up to peck his lips with a smile and a quiet thank you.

You took flowers from him to put them into the water but it wouldn't be a normal day if Jungkook's arms weren't wrapped around you so you were walking with extra weight...but what a sweet weight.

"You know, I was there and they are just as pretty as you so, I had to."

"Yea, yea. You had to," you rolled your eyes playfully just to be gently stabbed with his fingers, which made you whine as you tried to free yourself from his arms

"You not going, I missed you"

"Gguk, you need to eat"

"'m not hungry"

"Yeah, and later the fridge will be empty." you turned around still in his embrace, and brushed your fingers through his long hair falling on his forehead "Put your ass on the chair"

"But..." he begins with a pout

"You can sing for me" and knowing that this will bring a smile to his face again, arms around your waist loosen to let you go as the melodic voice of your boyfriend filled the apartment with random songs interrupting the giggles from time to time when you tried to dance to the melody he was making.

Even if at first you thought the boy would actually listen to you and just keep watching the whole time, Jeongguk changed your mind quite quickly.

After a couple of minutes or so, he was standing right next to you, asking meekly what he could help you with. Oh, and just try to get him out of the kitchen...his body would hover quickly over yours and a low whine with tiny kisses would escape his lips. So this time too, you let the boy peel the vegetables or just stir the noodles every now and then when you really needed to focus on the recipe.

And maybe in front of him, you pretended to be annoyed a lot, or even angry that he was circling around under your feet stealing your kisses, or tickling you gently when he found an opportunity to go behind your back. But you both knew that if you really were you wouldn't have that small smile on your face, and you yourself wouldn't sometimes reach out to him with the gentle touch on his arms.

"As you already know... we're in the middle of shooting a video for that song you heard" he begins, as the two of you sat finally down to eat

"Seven days a week, or something like that, right?" the boy snorts with laughter as you lift your head from above your plate, a bit dirty at the corners of your mouth, that Jeongguk doesn't hesitate to brush clean

"Mhm, precisely correct"

'Mm, that's good, right? You said it's going good”

"Yeah but, you know…as the lyrics say…" your facial expression changes for a short while and you quickly try to mask the shadow of worry with a small smile.

"There's someone with you in the music video, right?" he nods quickly, and a hum leaves your lips.

"Yeah, a girl" you chuckle, recognizing the tone of his voice. Knowing that he's already anxious about this chat.

"Well, looking at the words in the song that's the whole point, am I wrong? And I heard something from people when I've been last time bringing you cookies, so yeah…we can say I knew"

"The cookies were from you?!" You rolled eyes and tried to joke some more about that only to push away the uneasy feeling sitting hard on your chest.

You really didn't want Jungkook to be extra worried about your stupid growing anxiety at this point, so you wanted to play it cool. And it wasn't even along the lines of you being angry at him. It's just simply the fact that a slim, beautiful actress has to spend so much time with him face to face concerned you because it's not hard to fall in love with pretty people.

For as long as you have been with Jeongguk as your boyfriend, there has never been a time when you doubted his feelings. Whenever a shadow of uncertainty ran across your face, it was soon caught and soothed with tender gestures, which the idol lavished you with. But what could you do, that habits from the past so easily returned to you?

"Sun, I know you. And I know you can be…" almost as if he knew what kind of thoughts were running over your head. The tattooed hand quickly grabs yours, doing circles with the knuckle on it,

"I'm fine Gguk, don't worry' bout me. Just do a great job as you always do. It's fine, I promise." You send a smile and continue eating. "Hope Hybe found this actress to be the prettiest one so ARMY could be happy" you added, feeling his eyes on you

"Then you should be the one starring in it" You rolled eyes again, and sent a quick look at him to see his shiny but nervous eyes

"Bun, I said it's okay"

"But you're sad."

"No, I'm not" you cut it, as you continued to eat your food, ignoring his eyes on you.

And of course…he huffed like the offended child, always knowing better so the rest of the dinner was silent.

"You coming lie down with me?" a question fell from your lips, as the dishes were put into the dishwasher and both of you headed to the bedroom.

"Can I?" He asked, making you to look at him with disbelieve

"Better question, why wouldn't you? Thought I'd feel the strong arms of my man this evening" and his face lit up immediately but as quickly is felt sad again.

"I let you down" he mumbled, and your happy expression fell down

"What?"

"With m/v" pout decorated his lips again, and the sadness overcame you again. The soft sight left your lips, as hand reached to hold his.

"Oh, Googie. What are you talking about? I told you I'm fine. Of course, it will be a bit hard for me to know that my pretty boy is recording with some pretty girl, but you never let me down. I trust you, okay? Don't even say that you let me down ever again."

You came closer to him and grabbed his pouty face in hands to squish it adorably and kiss the sadly twisted lips. Your eyes met and again you could see the small stars shining inside his espresso-brown ones.

"I love you" words came out as you nuzzled nose with his.

And it was enough for Jungkook to pick you up just to fall together on the bed a minute later so he could hide his head in your neck, slipping his hand through the hoodie to stroke your belly gently with his fingers. Squishing the skin a little bit harder from time to time, just to massage it after it.

"Damn you're much better than this stress relieving toys," boy said, after squishing your skin one more time

"'sxuse me?" you gasped with a rough voice, looking down at his hidden face, feeling his hands freeze on your belly. You were about to snap his hand off but he was quick to hold you tighter and look at your face.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it in the negative way you probably thought. I mean that your presence soothes me down, and just laying like that means everything to me" he explained fast, and you caught hardly anything but as Jungkook's hand again began to caress skin, a soft huff left your lips

"Yea, yea…" you murmured, feeling his eyes on you

"And the fact that I'm freaking addicted to your skin its the other point" you groaned, trying to hide face into the sheets but as a laugh left Jeongguk's lips, you couldn't not look at his face, as the wrinkles decorated his small nose making you leap with joy inside.

"So…" he began again, making you look down at his face now pressed to your boobs. Your fingers were playing with dark, messy hair and a hum encouraged him to speak his mind "Should I talk to PDnim and get you to the M/v?"

"Googie..." you giggled as he rubbed down his nose onto your chest and looked at you with doe eyes

"What? The lyrics will match better. Your waist is the only one I kiss, and your lines are the only ones I wanna trace" you snored at his words, but couldn't deny it didn't make everything inside explode with an amazing feeling connected to love and care.

"Yeah, and I hope I'm the only one you leave with afterglow" you pondered quietly, so the giggle came to ears as an answer

"Wanna check?" his brow snapped as he came even closer to your face, and rubbed his nose softly on yours

"Maybe?" you smirked and it was enough for him, as rosy lips peck your skin with tiny kisses, with each successive one assuring how important you are to him.

#bts fluff #bts imagine #bts angst #jungkook imagine #bts x chubby reader #jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #jungkook x chubby reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #jeon jungkook

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ramblers-lets-get-ramblin · 10 months

Text

Linger On- Chapter 8

Series Masterlist | Series Playlist

Summary: 10 years ago Joel Miller broke your heart. You spent the next decade trying to forget him and building a new life in Chicago. When your father gets sick, you move back to Austin to care for him, husband and son in tow. You find your life once again entangled with Joel’s.

Word Count: 4k

Rating: E

Warnings: cigarette smoking, alcohol consumption, infidelity, SMUT, fingering, unsafe PIV creampie, Joel Miller has a filthy mouth.

Immersability: reader is able-bodied. can have/has had a child.

Author’s Notes: Besties!!! Things are really starting to heat up now! The angst is angsting and the smut is SMUTTING

If you enjoy this series please give a reblog! It means so much to me. I love talking about this story so feel free to drop an ask or comment!

September 1999

Three weeks. Three fucking weeks since Steve drove away from your home to his new job in San Antonio. To his new apartment. I’ll be home every weekend. He had promised. He hadn’t made it home once, yet. The first two weeks he called every night to speak with you and Jamie. Mostly Jamie, though. He knew you were angry with him. Last week he only called twice, both times right before Jamie’s bedtime. You just let Jamie answer the phone and tell his father about his day. “Do you want to talk to Mama?” Jamie had asked him. You held out your hand for the phone but Jamie just said. “Goodnight, Daddy. I love you too.” And hung it up. This last weekend he hadn’t even bothered to call to let you know he wouldn’t be coming home. The only comfort you have to offer your son is a hug and the reassurance that you are right here, you aren’t going anywhere.

It’s Friday again. Jamie is at a sleepover with his best friend from school. You know you won’t be seeing your husband this weekend either. Fuck it. You think. You aren’t going to sit around and mope anymore. You know Steve is busy, you used to work for the same company. You know what the job entails. Still, you can’t help but feel angry that he didn’t even seem to want to talk to you anymore. Maybe you aren’t head over heels in love with him. Maybe he doesn’t give you that flutter in your heart that Joel does, but he is who you have. He’s damn near all you have. You suppose that you do have Joel. Except you don’t, not really. He’ll be here Monday for the finishing touches on your new bathroom. Just as he has been every day for the last six weeks. But every evening he goes home to his wife. His real life. The funny thing is that he’ll be in San Antonio this weekend as well. He and his wife are taking Sarah to the San Antonio Zoo for Joel's birthday.

So you call the one person you know wouldn’t mind keeping you company even in your current mood. “Hey there, Sweets.” Tommy drawls into the phone.

“Do you wanna come over and hang out? Jamie is at a sleepover and Steve is an asshole and I’m in a shit mood. But I don’t want to be alone.” You say all in one breath. Tommy chuckles into your ear and says

“I can be there in fifteen. What kinda beer d’ya want?”

And twenty minutes later the two of you are sitting on your back porch, beers in one hand and cigarettes in the other. You tell him all about your problems with your husband. He just sits and listens, nodding along silently. “Maybe he’s just busy.” Tommy says, not convinced himself. “What else could it be?” He asks.

“Maybe he finally got tired of me being in love with another man.” You say bitterly. You aren’t afraid of admitting the truth to Tommy. Truthfully, you are relieved to finally have someone who understands without judgment. Tommy knows you better than almost anyone, even after all these years. He knows you’re still in there. The real you. He sighs and takes a swig of his beer.

“I tried to talk him out of it, ya know?” The confusion in your eyes prompts him to continue. “Joel. I never thought he should marry her. Until the second he walked into that courthouse, I tried to get him to see reason. I knew it wasn’t right. Hell, I think he knew it wasn’t right either.” He takes a long drag of his cigarette and blows the smoke up into the night air. “I was just a kid when our parents died. The same age Sarah is now. And Joel, he was only 18. Still just a kid himself, in all the ways that matter. But he tried so fuckin’ hard to be a good father to me, and he was. But that much responsibility, at that age? It fucked ‘im up more than he’ll ever admit. He didn’t marry Val because it was the right thing to do. He married her because it's what he thought he was s’pose to be doin’. What our dad would have told him to do.”

He relaxes back into his chair and drains the remainder of his Lone Star. He looks over when he hears you sniffle. “Hey now, don’t cry darlin’.” He leans over and swipes a tear from your cheek with his thumb.

You shake your head. “I just don’t know how to live like this, Tommy. I feel like I can’t fucking breathe when he’s not around. But then, when he is, and I can’t touch him…I can’t even tell which is worse.” Tommy smiles sadly at you. “But then, I’ll say something stupid, or we’ll remember something stupid you did. And he laughs. That laugh, Tommy, it just pierces straight through to my heart. It chips away at the wall I’ve spent years building up around it. But it’s too late for us. We missed our chance and now we’re both hurting. The only way to fix that hurt is to hurt the people who love us.”

It feels so good to finally be able to be completely honest with someone. Your candor with Tommy allowed you to also be honest with yourself. You still love Joeal. You are still in love with him, you never stopped. Tommy scoots his chair right next to yours and puts his arm around you. You rest your head on his shoulder and he kisses the crown of your head. “So, what kinda dumb shit did I use to do?” You burst out laughing with Tommy joining in. He always knew just what to say and when.

Joel was wiped. The San Antonio Zoo must be the biggest zoo in the world. Either that, or Joel’s knees aren’t what they used to be. Sarah must have dragged them around the whole thing ten times. The giraffes were her favorite. They decided to go eat at a restaurant on the river walk. Sarah’s seen it all before, since she drags him to the zoo several times a year, but its become part of their routine now. This might be the last time they do it all together, as a family. Joel thinks. He can feel his wife distancing herself from him. Protecting her heart, he supposes. She’s right to. Joel knows he can’t be trusted with them.

Sarah chatters rapidly through dinner. Recounting every animal she saw and what she thought of them while stuffing french fries in her mouth. Joel looks around for the waiter to ask for the check, when something catches his eye. Someone really. He’d seen the slicked back blonde hair often enough the last few months to be able to recognize it. He was just about to wave over at Steve when he scoots over in the booth and a woman slides in beside him. Before Joel can process a thought, the man cups her cheek and tilts her head up. He kisses her shamelessly. A kiss that Joel can tell isn’t their first. It’s too sure, too hungry.

“Joel?” The sound of his wife’s voice snaps him to attention.

“Yeah?” He replies without looking away.

“Joel?” She repeats, louder this time.

He turns to face her. “What did you say?”

“What is it?” She asks. She follows his stare, trying to figure out what her husband was looking at so intensely.

“It’s nothin’. Don’t worry about it.”

She puts her hand on his forearm. “What’s wrong?” Joel glances at Sarah. She’s babbling and playing with her overpriced giraffe souvenir from the zoo’s gift shop. He turns back to Val and nods his head.

“You see that blonde man over there?” She nods. “That’s her husband.” Val doesn’t need to ask which her Joel is referring to. She takes in the scene. She tears her eyes away and lowers her voice.

“I take it that’s not his wife’s throat he’s shoving his tongue down?”

“No. It's not.” Joel says. She can hear the anger seeping into his voice. Her husband is not a man who is easily angered. But when he is, boy you better proceed with caution. After Joel pays the check, he makes sure they walk right by Steve’s table on the way out of the restaurant. Steve does a double take when he sees Joel walking in his direction. He frantically tries to not be seen, sinking lower into the booth. His companion seems confused by his sudden behavior and is quietly questioning it when Joel stops in front of their booth.

“Hey, Steve! How ya doin’ buddy?” He says with as much fake enthusiasm as he can muster. “How’s the new job treatin’ ya?”

Steve swallows thickly and hesitates before turning on the charm that Joel had suspected was fake from the very beginning. “Hey there, Joel. Nice to see you. This must be your family.” He says nodding towards Val and Sarah. He offers them a smile wave and Sarah hides behind Val, whose mouth barely turns up at the corner for a smile. Steve gestures to his lady friend. “This is Natalie. She’s my assistant.” Natalie deflates a little at the use of her official title.

“Nice to meet ya, Natalie.” Joel offers. He turns his attention back to Steve. “Well, I guess we’ll let y’all get back to your…meal. I gotta big job on Monday so I need to get my beauty rest. Have a good evenin’.” Steve’s face pales at the mention of the “big job” Joel has. He knows what the job is. He hired him for it after all.

Back at the hotel, after Sarah is asleep, Joel and Val sit on their respective beds. “What do I do here, Val?” He asks.

“You gotta tell her, Joel. I’d wanna know if it was me.” She responds without hesitation. Joel nods and tries to swallow the lump in his throat. She’s right, of course she is. But he just doesn’t want to have to be the bearer of really shitty news. Again.

“What if it makes her hate me again?” He asks quietly, not meeting her eyes. Her heart wrenches for him.

“You deserved it before, Joel. You didn’t do this. He did. And if anything of the girl you and Tommy told me about is still in there, she won’t. She couldn’t.” Joel can’t believe he’s having this conversation with his wife.

“I just don’t want to be the reason she’s hurtin’ anymore.”

“A little pain now is worth bein’ spared a hell of a heartache later. How do you think she’ll be feelin’ towards you if she finds out on her own and that you knew?” Val has a point.

“Well I’ll be seein’ her Monday. I’ll tell her then. Let’s just enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Val lets it lie. She wants to enjoy this family time while she’s still got it. As she faces the wall to go to sleep she can’t help but wonder what consequences will come from this situation. How far out will the damage ripple?

You decide to spend Sunday with your parents. Your mom offered to make a nice dinner for you all and you jumped at the chance for another distraction for Jamie. He hadn’t asked about his dad all weekend. You don’t know what hurts worse, that Steve hasn’t even bothered to call his son, or that Jamie hasn’t noticed. After dinner Jamie curls up with his grandpa to watch the Rangers game. Your dad is turning him into quite the little baseball fan. Your mom asks if you can follow her upstairs. “I have something for you, baby.” You follow her upstairs to your childhood bedroom. It was a home gym briefly after you moved to Chicago, very briefly. Your parents quickly discovered they had no desire to work out. Now it's mostly storage and a graveyard for the hobbies your mom goes through so fast you can't even keep up.

She pushes open the door and you see several huge bags from Michael's craft store. “Mom, what is this?” She laughs.

“Oh I was just at the craft store picking up embroidery floss and the paint section caught my eye. So I just grabbed a few things for you.”

“Mom, it looks like you bought the whole store!” You exclaim, tears welling up in your eyes. You sift through the bags. There are canvases and paints and brushes. Everything you could need. “But I haven’t painted in years.”

“I know exactly how long its been since you’ve painted. I think it's about time you started again.”

Jamie falls asleep on the two minute drive home. He had a very exciting weekend and wore himself right out. After you put him in his bed, you return to the car and lug in the bags of painting supplies. You place them in the office downstairs. It was eventually going to be a home office for you to work out of. But you think it will make a nice studio for you. It gets great light from the backyard. After you drop the bags on the floor you turn out the light and head upstairs. You have an emotional hangover. You’re just as worn as Jamie. You fall asleep the second your head hits the pillow. If you have any dreams, you don’t remember them.

Monday morning is not going as it’s supposed to. Your alarm didn’t go off so you woke up late. Jamie was in a mood today because she finally remembered that he hasn’t seen his father in a month. He cried all the way to school and only stopped because you promised he could call as soon as he got home.

Joel is waiting on the porch for you when you arrive back home. “Mornin’, Sweets.” He says as he holds out a cup of coffee.

“Bless you, Joel Miller. I’m having a hell of a morning.” You say. Joel shifts his weight and puts the hand not holding his own coffee in his pocket while you take a much needed swig of caffeine. “Alright, Miller. Let’s get to it.”

You unlock the door and head for the stairs. Joel trails behind you but he doesn’t seem to be in a big hurry. “How was the zoo? Do you think Jamie might like it there?’

“Oh, he’ll love it. Sarah has a blast every time we go.”

“What’s her favorite part?”

“The giraffes.” Joel smiles. “She made me walk by ‘em four different times.” He rolls his eyes playfully. Just before you reach your bedroom Joel put a hand on your shoulder. “D’you mind if we talk for a a minute? There’s somethin’ I need to tell ya.” He looks nervous.

“Sure, Joel. What’s up? Is everything okay?’

“So, me and Sarah and Val have a tradition. After we finish up at the zoo we go get dinner at a restaurant on the river walk. And this time…well…we uh.” Joel stutters his words. He knows he has to tell you but he really, really doesn’t want to.

“Joel, you’re kinda scaring me.” He takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

“Well, we saw Steve. At the restaurant.” Joel fidgets with the hem of his t-shirt.

"Okay. So what?" Joel knew that Steve hadn't been home since that day weeks ago when you broke down in his arms.

"He wasn't alone. He was with his assistant. And I saw them kissing." He looks like he wants to crawl into his skin and stay there forever. "I'm real sorry, Sweets. I hate to have to tell ya this." His shoulders slump and he won't meet your eyes.

Tears prick your eyes and you turn around to face the wall so Joel won't see them. You aren't sad l, not really. You're angry. This is why he hasn't been home to see his son? This is why he hasn't called? Joel places his hand softly on your shoulder.

"Hey, he's an idiot. Doesn't know what he has right in front of him. You deserve much better, darlin'." His words are meant to be comforting, but it feels so condescending.

"Fuck you Joel!" You scream. The anger you've held inside for all these years burns through your body and out of your mouth. Finally finding its release. You push his hand off your shoulder and whirl around to face him. "How dare you act like this is any different than what you did to me?"

Joel is taken aback by your sudden outburst. His gaze hardens on yours after a beat. "This is nothing like what happened between us. I made a choice for my kid. I thought I was doing the right thing." He shouts back.

"Yeah? Well maybe you shouldn't have fucked me two seconds before you broke up with me, Joel. Was that the right thing?" Your words have just the right mixture of hurt and venom in them that Joel winces, like you've struck him. Good. That's exactly how you felt when he broke your heart.

"I fucked up, alright?" He shouts as he walks closer to you. You back up, not in fear, Joel would never hurt you like that. He knows you aren't scared of him. Your back hits the wall and his hand comes up to rest against it next to your head. "You wanna hate me for it, go ahead darlin'. You think you can hate me more than I hate myself?" His voice is quieter now, but still heated. His face only inches from yours.

You drop your eyes from his at the sudden closeness. Both of your chests are heaving. You look back up as you say quietly, "I wish I fucking hated you. It would make my life so much more peaceful."

This time, when he kisses you, you don't resist. Your arms shoot up, curling around his neck, pulling him in closer. He leans in hungrily. After being so far and for so long he can't get close enough.

When he senses that you aren’t going to pull back this time, his hands greedily roam your body. He groans when he grabs a handful of your ass and you take the opportunity to deepen the kiss, slipping your tongue into his mouth, tangling it with his. The taste of his morning coffee and your morning cigarette mingling together deliciously. He breaks the kiss when his hand slides up the skirt of your dress. He looks into your eyes waiting for you to tell him to stop. When you don’t, he moves his lips to your neck and places one of your legs over his hip. He licks a strip up the side of your throat and softly bites your jaw where they meet. At the same time he pulls your panties to the side and slips a finger into your dripping core.

“Fuck baby, you are soakin’ for me.” He growls into your ear. You feel like you can’t breathe but you don’t care. In this moment, you’d gladly welcome death in all her glory, as you would an old friend, if it meant you got to die with Joel’s lips on yours, wrapped in his warm embrace.

The warm grip you have on his finger is already sending Joel careening towards the edge. The next time he plunges into your tightness a second finger joins the first. He crooks them in the perfect spot, earning a loud moan. How could he possibly remember every spot that devastates you after all these years? He pumps his fingers slowly but deeply, scissoring them as he goes. Your breath is coming out in sharp pants and the way you flutter around his fingers lets Joel know you are close. Your eyebrows still scrunch in the cutest way, he notices. Joel continues thrusting his fingers at the same pace and his thumb finds your clit. He rubs small circles with the perfect amount of pressure that has the edges of your vision turning white.

You can feel his hard length pressing into your inner thigh through his jeans. When you reach down and palm him through the denim, he twitches beneath your fingers. The moans that fall into your ear cause you to clench down on his fingers and his breath hitches in his chest. “Oh fuck baby, cum for me please. Let me feel you cum all over me. Sweet girl. Always so sweet for me.” He whimpers. Actually whimpers.

That sends you over the edge. “Fuck Joel, I’m gonna-“

“I know ya are, baby, I can feel ya. Go on, darlin’. Let go for me. Good girl” And you snap. Wave after wave of lashes crashes into you, through you. It's never been like this for you before, even with Joel. He slows his pace with his fingers, until the last of the aftershocks have fluttered through your gushing hole. He removes his fingers and you instantly feel an empty ache in your cunt.

You tug at the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it over his head. “Ya sure about this, Sweets?” He asks. You know that he will stop if you want him to. But you don’t want him to stop. You never want him to stop.

“Please, Joel. I want this. I need you.” You plead with him. That’s all the convincing he needs. He grabs your hips with both of his hands and turns you to face the wall, you lean over and plant your palms flat against it. He unbuckles his belt and drops his pants and boxers to his ankles. He grabs the skirt of your dress and bunches it at your waist. With his other hand he drops your panties to your ankles and you kick them off.

“I’ve been waiting so fucking long for this, darlin’. I’ve missed you so goddamn much.” He swipes all four of his fingers through your wet folds, gathering your slick and using it to pump his cock a few times. He enters you in one smooth, slow stroke. You cry out at the stretch of your walls. The slight pain increases your pleasure. He sheaths himself inside you, unmoving, to allow your slick heat to adjust to him. “I’ve missed this tight little pussy, Sweets. So much.” His voice is strained and his cock twitches inside you as he says it.

“I missed you too, Joel. I never stopped missing you.”

When you begin rocking backwards onto his throbbing length he finally moves. He sets a bruising pace straight away. The way his hands grip the meat of your hips and the stuttered grunts that fall freely from his mouth let you know how desperately he is trying to hold off his orgasm. The tip of his cock prods that place deep inside you that only he had ever been able to reach. You can hear the smile on his face when you gasp and tighten around him. “ Fuuuuuck” you cry out.

“There she is. This spot here baby?” He asks while delivering several sharp thrusts. He takes the loud moans that are all you can manage as confirmation. “This. Is. My. Spot.” He punctuates each word with a devastating thrust. A second orgasm sneaks up on you so quickly that you don’t even realize it until your vision bursts with stars. The velvet fist of your cunt strangles Joel’s cock until he stills it inside you, coating your walls with his hot spend.

When Joel left you, he took a piece of you with him. Stole it from inside of you. You hadn’t even realized it was gone until he was standing behind you, giving it back to you with each thrust of his cock.

Chapter 7 | Chapter 9

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