#this isn’t a deep issue but one I feel is very important to talk about

[gingebreadbeetle]

I know I said I would shut up about hazbin, this blog isn’t really created for hazbin/helluva boss content and was created so I could write essays on whatever interested me - and I suppose hazbin is that current interest?

But for me Hazbin Hotel is the plummeting point of media literacy regarding the Bible. I know , I know “ it’s a comedy set in hell! Of course it’s not going to be THE SAME! It’s for fun! It’s Vivs own spin on hell!!”

It’s a poorly researched hell, where there is no love in the world and for some reason the devil himself and the seven sins ( bar Mammon so far ) don’t even act like sins. And if that’s the case, why are actual bad people down there when the demons REPRESENTING THE SIN aren’t even half as bad?

Dante’s inferno is a self insert AO3 fan fiction before AO3 ever existed, but Dante knew how to write and convey emotion in his poetry - he knew how to write hell and he was dedicated to representing not only hell but it’s counter part realms.

Hazbin hotel feels like a self insert AO3 fanfic show but with only the worst parts and no reward. The world building is shit. The characters aren’t developed enough and their arcs are rushed. I know they only had eight episodes, but they’re trying to do too much. Fiona and Cake had a similar amount I believe ( 8-12? I can’t remember I’m sorry) and it still stands as an amazing show exploring like six different characters in the time it needed.

Viv’s characters don’t feel personal. They don’t feel like they had the same passion or love for the source material. But worst of all, for a comedy? I don’t feel rewarded watching an episode of Charlie’s daddy issues being resolved and the king of hell signing off on her idea in roughly 22 minutes. And I don’t find it funny seeing one of my favorite characters being used in a rape joke right after we do an episode on how sexual exploitation is bad.

This is a very messily structured essay I’m aware. I’m not a huge Bible lover, I’m not a Christian, and I don’t think we should diminished the harm Christianity has done.

However, it is clear Viv has only focused on just that, the harm the Bible has brought and none of its messaging of love, none of the best literature it’s brought and none of the movements it’s genuinely impacted in a positive way. ( Lillith being used as a feminist symbol for Jewish women?)

TLDR;

I’m very tired of witnessing comedy shows set in hell with little to no care for how it’s said to be. I’m tired of media repeating itself and thinking it’s new and fresh because there’s gay people! It’s not. Viv’s hell isn’t a fun idea. Hazbin hotel isn’t fun unless you enjoy instant gratification and no work towards the reward.

#hazbin hotel critical #Hazbin hotel critique #hazbin hotel #vivzipop #rant post #essay writing #this isn’t a deep issue but one I feel is very important to talk about #idk man #I wish this show could’ve been better because I genuinely loved the pilot when it came out

[geminimoonmadness]

NATAL

RETROGRADES

Copywrites Reserved ©️GeminiMoonMadness

A retrograde in astrology is when a planetary object appears to move backwards, which essentially means the planet's energy is somewhat effected, so those life areas that fall under that planet's domain are not as easily expressed. It’s a very karmic thing to have in the natal chart, your soul chose to incarnate to learn deeper lessons regarding the areas of life ruled by that specific planet/asteroid. To know if you have a natal retrograde in your chart, look for Rx or R on a generated chart calculator.

Fun fact: Mars is the rarest retrograde.

❤️🖤❤️

Planets

If your Ruling Planet is Retrograde it will make you doubt yourself more and you may experience self image issues.

For example: A Gemini Rising with a natal Mercury retrograde or A Sagittarius Rising with a natal Jupiter retrograde.

Mercury Retrograde gives you lessons around communication, learning and intellect. You may struggle to articulate words and speak up or may even talk too much and not know when to be quiet.

Venus Retrograde makes someone’s nature more intense & deep. They take their connections very seriously which may cause these individuals to go through difficulties in regards to their one on one relationships. Since socialising is not taken lightly there can be some sort of awkwardness when participating in small talk and general shyness in order to avoid superficial connections.

Mars Retrograde individuals may lack forward movement, assertive abilities, have a dulled passion & drive. They may feel fatigued & tired more than often. Your sex drive may also be effected because of this.

Jupiter Retrograde individuals tend to have different or unusual perspectives, belief systems, or sets of morals. They prefer to learn from their own experiences rather than from others. This placement gives me “what do you know because you’ve experienced it yourself VS what do you know because you were told” vibes.

Saturn Regrograde burdens you with responsibilities and a sense of duty in your life. You may struggle with boundaries and find it difficult to say no to others.

Uranus Retrograde may make it hard for you to fully express your inner originality and unique side. These individuals are born a rebel and may also experience unexpected & sudden karmic events in their life.

Neptune Retrograde takes away your rose coloured glasses, you may have to face hard and painful realities as the neptunian illusion is stripped away. You’re meant to discover the truth behind your illusions, realise what is sacred and be a source of light in others lives.

Pluto Retrograde brings more growth opportunities into your life. You may have a fear of letting go which you’re here to learn the importance of doing so. You need to take control of your life as your shadow side may take over if you don’t do the work to transform/grow. (Shadow work is necessary with this placement)

(I know Lilith isn’t a planet, just adding it)

Lilith Retrograde can make you a sexual deviant (because sexuality is part of Lilith’s nature and here it's manifesting differently). You may struggle with following your instincts and acknowledging your desires. For example: Someone with a retrograde Lilith in Virgo would not be the typical control freak Lilith in Virgo person, instead they will be very messy.

ASTEROIDS

Chiron Retrograde means that trauma is deep within and may even come from a past life. In this lifetime, these individuals are here to re-evaluate your relationship with anyone & anything that doesn’t support you anymore. They may find it challenging to accept their feelings and the simple fact that humans are imperfect and vulnerable.

Ceres Retrograde individuals can struggle with having the nourishment, support, resources they need and may experience a lack in some way. This usually means that your upbringing failed to teach you the proper lessons about nurture and self care, so you'll have to learn it yourself. Check your Ceres sign and it will teach you what you need to nurture.

Juno Retrograde individuals may have commitment issues or trauma they need to work through. This also is an indication of past life karma in regards to relationships. These people are the lone wolves, they tend to avoid partnerships & may even prefer to be single and independent.

Vesta Retrograde individuals may lack devotion and discipline. It can bring up issues around fear of sexuality or intimacy, obsession, prostitution or selling yourself short in some way. They’re here to learn the value of service, this will examine how much dedication they’re putting into their life. When we put in little dedication, we can suffer. When we put in too much dedication, we can suffer as well. They may struggle with feeling like they fit in because they tend to lack devotion and/or generosity for others.

Pallas Retrograde may make someone aggressive, immature, have criminal tendencies and daddy issues. These individuals strategy may not be accept by society, with a ‘pick me’ vibe. They are inclined to manipulate and lie but can overcome these traits with self awareness and shadow work.

Amor retrograde individuals have some sort of discomfort when it comes to romance. You may have some old love issues and traumas to work through. These people tend to take a different approach to romance.

Cupido Retrograde may mean you have way too many crushes or rarely have any. You become too infatuated at times, or lack passion, and need to find a balance between the two.

Eros Retrograde may cause some issues around sex. This indicates there may be past trauma on a soul level, so you need to work on acknowledging your desires and acting on urges and fantasies in a healthy way.

Hermes Retrograde people tend to be in the wrong crowd and often find themselves taking the fall for others mistakes. These people tend to be good people but they may not be the best at balancing their life and managing their time. Possible fertility issues. Due to past accidents or incidents they have experienced in a past life may give them travel-related fears in this life. (fear of flying, fear of water, fear of driving, fear of bikes, fear of trains, fear of horses, etc.)

Eris Retrograde people may unintentionally cause trouble by doing things they thought wouldn’t be an issue. They may not like confronting others because it feels uncomfortable or they feel attacked whenever they speak up for themselves - They tend to experience a lot of gaslighting yet they usually hate fighting with others. They may often feel as though they are alone even when surrounded by other people.

Aphrodite Retrograde individuals may experience extremes from having stalkers to not being adored by others at all. They may feel unseen and unappreciated by others, making it often difficult to appreciate themselves. They tend to experience a lot of drama and may not be the most jealous person but rather the person who is too insecure to be openly jealous as if it’s like they expected it, “too good to be true” vibes.

❤️🖤❤️

I tried to be as informative as I could and added as much variety as I can with the asteroids I’m familiar with. There are other retrogrades I haven’t listed here.

Let me know which of these you have!

#retrograde #astrology #astrology observations #astro community #astro posts #astro notes #astrology community #astrology posts #astro observations #astrology notes #mercury retrograde #mars retrograde #natal retrograde #Venus retrograde #Jupiter retrograde #Saturn retrograde #natal aspects #Uranus retrograde #Neptune retrograde #Chiron retrograde #Pluto retrograde #eros retrograde #asteroid Retrograde #Lilith retrograde #Juno retrograde #karma placements #Vesta retrograde #Pallas retrograde #Cupido retrograde #amor retrograde

[wheresarizona]

Learning to Live Part 26

summary: Watching Javier with Steve and Connie Murphy’s three kids has you experiencing a bad case of baby fever. Some important discussions lead to making a big decision, and there’s one question you hadn’t anticipated being asked...

rating: E (18+!! No y/n, alternating POV, age gap (about ten years), explicit smut, sneaking around (you have to be quiet so the Murphys don’t hear you), unprotected p in v (wrap it up!), creampie, vaginal fingering, kinda rough sex (Javier works out his frustration on you), oral sex (f receiving), (MASSIVE) breeding kink, dirty talk, spit as lube, Javier saying very romantic things while he’s balls deep inside you, Steve trying to cockblock Javier with an obnoxiously squeaky bed (all it does is piss off Javi), Javier being a menace, misunderstanding, grumpy Javier, Javier being very cute with children, baby fever, emotional hurt/comfort, discussion of pregnancy/childbirth and fears, a dream sequence, death of a parent/grief, marriage proposal (it’s so romantic), love confession, mention of PTSD, an appearance of The Tac Vest™ (in a photo), Olivia and Javier talking shit about her dad in Spanish because Steve doesn’t understand, Connie being the best)

pairing: Javier Peña/f!reader

word count: 24.5k+ (It’s a good time)

a/n: Hello there! This is a BIG chapter both in number of words and in terms of plot. Since this is a super long one, odds are the Tumblr app isn’t going to let you reblog with a comment—it’s a known issue. I haven’t heard of any problems if you go onto Tumblr.com directly through a browser, though. Since reblogs are super important, it’s totally okay if you reblog without a comment, and if you wish to comment, you can either do it on the post through comments or by sending me an ask! I’m chill with whatever you feel like doing. 🥰🥰🥰 Thank you all for coming on this journey with me. This is something we’ve been looking forward to, and I hope you enjoy! Thank you to the love of my life, @juletheghoul, for betaing and being a trooper for this monstrosity of a chapter.

Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs feed me. I’d love to know what you thought!

Prev - Next - Series Masterlist - Main Masterlist

Baby fever was real.

And it was dangerous.

At least that was the only explanation you had for this overwhelming desire to have your own child that needed, specifically, to be fathered by the love of your life, Javier Peña.

It was cool in the house, and you were in shorts and a loose t-shirt, yet your skin was heated, watching from your seat on the leather sofa as the man you were going to marry played with the two older Murphy children—you weren’t entirely sure what the game was, but it involved Javi holding the three-year-old son in one arm while he dueled their nine-year-old daughter, Olivia, with hard, yellow foam swords. They were over in the empty space of the family room designated for the kids with the toy box against the wall beside a kitchen playset and a tiny red plastic table with two matching tiny chairs, other larger toys lining up in a row next to them.

The three-year-old, Stevie, was laughing while your boyfriend moved about, dodging the young girl's attempts at jabbing him. A big smile was plastered on Javi’s face with sweat beading on his brow, and you were doing your damndest to ignore the primal instinct that had ensured the survival of the human species, purring in the back of your mind as it zeroed in on him as the perfect man to procreate with.

He was so strong, so caring, so kind, so handsome.

So perfect.

Beautiful chocolate-colored eyes you dearly loved met yours, and he winked, making you suck in a breath as you melted into the cushion behind you, not even embarrassed you were literally swooning.

The leather creaked and complained when someone sat down next to you, your attention still on the future father of your children.

“I told you he smiles and laughs with my kids,” Steve said beside you.

Your head whipped toward him, finding that he was holding a giggling Nate up in the air, bringing him down to kiss all over his face and lift him again.

When you first arrived, you wondered how involved a parent Steve was.

Many men left the childrearing to the mother, and with him not helping with nap time or volunteering to get the boys when they’d woken up, you thought he might be one of those men. What you came to find out was his kids adored him, and he was very present.

Earlier, you made chocolate chip cookies with Olivia and Stevie. Their dad happened to come into the kitchen just as you were putting them in the oven, and the kids flocked to him to excitedly tell him all about how they’d helped. He had picked up his three-year-old and smiled as he listened, taking them to the living room so Javi and you could clean up the mess you made. When it was time to eat the freshly baked cookies, Stevie ate his Connie-approved two cookies while sitting on his father’s knee at the kitchen table, Olivia eating her own in the seat beside them.

So, Steve was pretty great with his children.

When you commented about it while alone in the kitchen with your husband-to-be, he whispered to you about how it wasn’t always like this. Back in Colombia and when Steve first returned to Miami, he had that shitty patriarchal mindset that Connie should be the one to care for their daughter—that was, until Javi showed up and stepped in to help Connie with Olivia. Apparently, that triggered something in Steve and lit a fire under his ass to be a better father and husband.

Connie was currently on a run to the store, and Javi had taken it upon himself to entertain the energy-filled kids. Steve was handling Nate duty himself since the little one was super attached to his parents, especially his mother.

“Yes, you did,” you replied to the older man.

The toddler was now cuddled in his arms, repeating Dadada over and over again.

Steve looked at you. “He asked us earlier if we thought he’d be a good dad.”

“And how did you answer?”

White teeth appeared when he smiled. “We told him he’d be a great dad, and it was about damn time he became one.”

Your lips tipped up, glancing over at the man you were talking about, who was now down on his knees and being attacked by both of the children wielding the swords, shielding his head with his arms.

“Yeah, it really is.” Facing Steve again, you asked, “How did you know you were ready to be a parent?”

He snorted. “Did Javi ever tell you about how we got Olivia?”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “He told me you adopted her in Colombia…?”

Leaning in, he spoke a little quieter, “The story doesn’t start off too happy, but I know Jav’s told you about what things were like down there.”

“Hell.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, nodding his head. “Javi and I found her when she was a baby in the home where Pablo Escobar’s sicarios murdered her mother and grandmother—would’ve murdered her, too, if we hadn’t shown up.” He took a deep breath like he was remembering, your eyes widening at the horror.

Murdering a defenseless baby? They were monsters.

“Escobar was also responsible for the death of her father,” he continued. “She was so tiny and had no one. I was worried more people would come for her, so I brought her home with me. Connie wasn’t too happy about it at first.” A smile pulled up on his lips as he chuckled. “And we sure as hell weren’t prepared for a baby, but we’d always wanted kids and had just about given up until we got her.” He was smiling fondly now, looking past you at his daughter. “We fell in love with her, and it was an easy decision to adopt. So, to answer your question—” He met your eyes. “—I didn’t know I was ready to be a dad until after we got the kid. Sometimes, you don’t get a chance to feel ready before it happens, but I’ll tell you, the moment you hold your baby, the instincts kick in fast.”

“That’s good to know.”

“All these questions about parenthood between the two of you.” He nodded his head toward Javi, then you. “Are y’all trying?”

The question had you making a face, wondering why it was socially acceptable to discuss your sex life when it came to reproducing.

“If you must know,” you started, “we’re currently just practicing… A lot. Like practically once a day if we’re in the mood, and I think we’ve got it pretty figured out, especially the unprotected sex part.”

His nose had wrinkled like he smelled something bad, deeply frowning in disgust. “I don’t wanna know that.”

“You asked!”

Javi was suddenly standing in front of you, breathing hard and holding his beer he picked up from the coffee table.

He took a long drink, asking Steve when he finished, “What did you ask her?” He shooed the other man away with his free hand. “Move over.” Steve and Nate scooted to the other side of the couch so your boyfriend could plop down beside you.

Stevie was playing with some toy cars, and Olivia had disappeared.

Javi’s arm went over your shoulders with his side pressed against yours, bringing the brown bottle back up to his lips.

Looking at him, you saw his throat work as he swallowed the beer, rubbing your hand over his jean-clad thigh. “He asked if we’re trying for a baby.”

The liquid must’ve gone down the wrong pipe, your boyfriend making a choked sound and sputtering, it evolving into a coughing fit. You got his arm over your head to lean him forward to pat his back, Steve’s eyes finding yours.

“I swear I don’t do this on purpose,” you said. “I didn’t think it was something he’d react to.”

“Does this happen often?” the blonde man asked, looking both concerned and mildly amused.

“Kinda?” You grimaced. “But not on purpose!” Your attention moved to your boyfriend. “Are you okay, babe?” His coughing had stopped, and he’d set his drink back on the coffee table.

“Yeah,” he hoarsely answered. His head turned in your direction, his eyes red-rimmed and watery. “You’re just as bad as Pop with making me choke.”

“I’m sorry, Javi.” Your hand was gliding up and down his spine. “You know what, from now on, I’m going to stop you from drinking before I say anything.”

“Why don’t you just wait for me to finish drinking?”

“The delivery, babe. Timing is everything for a joke to land or a snappy reply. Don’t wanna throw off my groove.”

He huffed out an amused breath, sitting back up on the couch. “Okay, your plan works.” Leaning forward, he pecked you on the lips before turning his attention to Steve. “We’re trying as much as we can with her on birth control—we go at it like fu-reaking rabbits, and with it only being 99% effective, maybe we’ll be that one in a hundred, and she gets pregnant.”

“I hate you,” Steve said evenly. “I hate you both. All you needed to say was no.”

“Why are you mad?” Javi asked. “You asked about our sex life, and we answered.” He looked over at you. “What did you tell him, mi amor (my love)?”

“That we’re practicing and really good at the unprotected sex part.”

A smirk appeared under his mustache, his eyes sparkling with mischief, and you knew he was just fucking with Steve now. “Yeah, we are really good at it.” His attention went back to the other man. “We told you the truth. Don’t ask questions if the answers are gonna make you uncomfortable.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed as he said, “Everyone else in the world would have answered that question with a simple yes or no. The two of you are perfect for each other with how much you fuc-fudging enjoy messing with me.”

“She’s mi media naranja, my soulmate,” Javi replied. “We are perfect for each other.”

“Uh huh, calm down, Romeo.” Nate was wiggling out of Steve’s arms, and the man helped him climb down from the couch, the child toddling over to play with his brother. “Now I’ve been watching you both since you got here,” he continued, “and anyone with eyes can see how much y’all wanna be parents. You may be a couple-a—” He whispered the next word. “—assholes—” He spoke normally again, “But I think you guys would do a pretty good job at it—that’s just my opinion, though.”

Javi had grabbed your hand and laced your fingers together, giving it a gentle squeeze as happiness seared through your veins.

“Thanks, man,” Javi said.

“You’re welcome, Jav.” Steve grinned, patting him on the shoulder. “You both do know the quickest way to get pregnant is for her to be off birth control, right? Do I need to give you the sex talk? Tell you about the birds and the bees? Explain how babies are made?”

Your boyfriend flipped him off out of view of the children, the other man laughing.

“We know, you—” He lowered his voice so that the kids wouldn’t hear. “—dick—” His volume went back to normal. “We’ve gotta figure out some things before we pull the trigger.”

“And what if you end up being the one in a hundred, and she gets pregnant before you figure those things out?”

Javier’s attention turned to you with a hopeful look, bringing up your joined palms so he could kiss the back of yours.

“We’d be okay,” you answered truthfully, your boyfriend smiling as he set your hands down. “If it happens sooner than we planned, then it happens sooner than we planned, and we’ll be excited no matter what.”

“Yeah,” Javi added. “We will.”

The trip was going better than Javier anticipated, and it was only the first day.

He had a feeling his friends and their children would like his fiancée-to-be, and he’d been correct. The Murphys all loved her to the point that Steve and Connie were on him about marrying her. Now his best friend was saying they’d be good parents, which, when added to Cielito telling him earlier, they might be able to start their family soon. Javier was so happy, he felt like he was on top of the world.

There were two things he wanted more than anything: to marry the woman sitting beside him and to become a father.

As long as she said yes to his proposal, he figured they’d be married within the next six months, depending on what she wanted to do for the wedding. The marriage was pretty much in the bag with all of her reassurances that she'd say yes, but there were still small tendrils of doubt creeping their way into his brain and making him worry if she’d really be wearing an engagement ring the next day.

He stamped down the negative feelings by remembering the times she practiced saying yes to his proposals and, of course, the fact she had already pre-accepted.

With all that in mind, he was sure he could cross off marriage from his list, which made him feel a bit giddy.

The thing that was going to require work was becoming a father.

Even though they both wanted a child, she had, and there wasn’t a better word than stipulations that needed to be met before she wanted to go for it. He both loved and hated how responsible she was being. The list included:

Get help with his mental health.

Get married.

Move into a bigger place.

The first thing he did was start going to therapy, and it had helped a lot over the past months, especially with the Stechner shit. A lot of old wounds had been opened, and it was finally time for Javier to tell the woman he planned to marry about Colombia, finding it cathartic, even with the nightmares he was plagued with for the week after. She was there every time he woke up in a panic and helped calm him down, soothing him with her words and touch.

His therapist had clocked him early on as having PTSD, and at first, he didn’t believe him because guys who fought in wars and did active combat came home with PTSD, not DEA agents doing drug busts and taking down cartels.

Javier’s therapist was a short, stocky, bald man in his sixties with a calming voice who didn’t like to beat around the bush and told it like it was. His response to Javier’s denial was to lay it all out that the war on drugs was still a war, and Javier had been a soldier who witnessed and experienced a lot of horrific PTSD-inducing shit that he needed to work through. He had worked through it, but the incident with Stechner had triggered him and brought it all back. Luckily, he was fine after about a week with help from his therapist and wif-girlfriend.

So, he’d taken care of his mental health, and marriage was on the horizon—that was two out of three.

Moving into a bigger place was where things got tricky.

Initially, they had planned to buy a house, and then his dad gave them the idea to build one on his land, which sounded great, except for how long it would take. They ended up loving the thought of being able to design their dream home and decided that was what they were going to do, and were now working with an architect—everything else was figured out. His tía María’s husband had his own construction business and would be building it, and they found the perfect spot a little down the road from his dad’s house that was close to him but also far enough they’d have privacy where they’d build. Chucho was thrilled they were going to be next-door neighbors.

It was going to take, at minimum, a year for the home to be built.

Javier didn’t want to wait that long to start trying for a baby, so he figured out a way for them to move out of their one-bedroom apartment into someplace bigger while they waited for their house to be finished, and it was living with his father, who was beyond excited by the prospect.

She seemed to be okay with that, and he hoped it was enough for her to give them the green light to start their family, but she wanted to discuss it with Chucho, which he understood. It was just driving him crazy that he was so fucking close, it was within reach, yet he had to wait for her to talk to his dad on Sunday when they were seeing him next.

The sounds of the front door being unlocked and opened made it to where they were, the two small Murphy boys jumping to their feet as they both yelled, “Mom!” They ran from the room.

“I better go help her with the groceries,” Steve said, grunting as he got up from the couch on his long legs and headed for his wife.

It was just Javier and his future wife in the room—they were alone, and immediately he was turning in his seat toward her, dipping his head to kiss and suck at the side of her neck, his hand sliding up her thigh.

“Javi,” she gasped, her fingers tangling into his hair.

She smelled so good, the sweet aroma welcome as his lips trailed up to tug her earlobe between his teeth, his palm resting on her inner thigh, feeling the heat between her legs.

His mouth pressed against her ear, whispering, “I saw how you were watching me playing with the kids—how much you liked it.” She sucked in a breath, and he smiled. “You say the word, and we can have one of our own—I’m more than willing to give you a baby, Cielito.”

“This is rude,” she breathed, pulling his hair.

Javier chuckled, smacking a loud kiss against her cheek.

His hand left her leg to cup her jaw and turned her head to look him in the eyes.

“I’m serious, mi amor (my love),” he said. “You know how fucking badly I want one, and when you’re ready, I’ll make it happen—I wanna prove you right that I can get you pregnant within a month.”

The way her pupils expanded told him his words were getting to her.

“I cannot believe you’re tempting me with your virility, and it’s fucking working,” she whispered, and he grinned. “God, you’re gonna be such a good dad.” There was a slight whine as she quietly spoke. “Our kids are gonna be obsessed with you, and you’re gonna be obsessed with them and me being pregnant and an amazing partner through everything. Like, I am this close—” She held her thumb and index finger so close together they almost touched. “—to saying fuck it, let’s make a baby.” Arousal sparked in his belly. “But then that annoying, overly cautious, responsible part of me cuts in to remind me I need to double-check with your dad that he’s really okay with us living with him—yes, I remember him making the offer months ago—you know I hate being a bother, though, and I’m worried he likes the idea and would hate the reality of living with his son and a pregnant woman that will eventually also include a newborn.” She chewed on her lip.

“His pregnant nuera (daughter-in-law),” Javier corrected. “And he told me he’d love for us to move in just last week. He was already planning on turning the guest room into a nursery when you got pregnant.”

“Oh.” Her eyes widened. “Fuck,” she whispered.

Javier frowned, wondering if she thought the nursery was too much.

“He’s just excited to finally become an abuelo (grandpa), and even if we weren’t moving in, he wanted to make sure he’s got shit for the baby when we visit—he said it’d come in handy ‘cause he’d be happy to babysit anytime we needed him to. And if we do move in with him, he’ll already have a space dedicated to our kid.”

“Right,” she said the word slowly, like she was thinking it over. “Yeah, that’s great he cares so much, and it’s so sweet. We, um, just need to make sure he’s prepared for a newborn, like the crying and all that…”

“He is, and he’ll love having us there with a baby.”

“How do you know?”

“Promise me something,” he said.

Her eyebrows creased. “Okay?”

“Promise me you won’t get sad with what I’m about to tell you.”

“You know I can’t promise that.”

He sighed. “Fine. Promise me you won’t mention it to him.”

“That’s something I can do.”

“Since mi mamá passed away, Pop has been really fucking lonely living in that house alone, but there’s no way in hell he’d ever think about moving. He hates being by himself out there, and he’ll probably work until the day he dies to spend as little time in it as possible.”

Tears were brimming in her eyes. “That’s so fucking sad, Javier.”

“Yeah, and I was a fucking asshole who came home from Colombia twice and fucked off almost as quickly as I arrived.” She was about to say something, and he stopped her by continuing. “He loved when I finally moved back in for good, and he’d love more than anything to have us there with him, including our child—especially our child. You know, just as I do, that he’s gonna love our kid more than us.”

“That’s so true,” she giggled.

He smiled, “Yeah, it is.” Hope felt like a ball in the middle of his chest. “So, uh, does this change your maybe?”

“Tío!” Olivia shouted as she came running into the room, and he sat up in his seat.

“¿Sí, tesorito (Yes, little treasure)?”

She rounded the couch and jumped onto it next to him, sitting on her knees with a big smile, missing some baby teeth. Her brown hair was almost the same color as his, falling in loose curls past her shoulders, her bangs on either side held back by blue flower clips.

“Se me olvidó preguntarte algo (I forgot to ask you something).”

He smiled. “¿Qué querías preguntar (What did you want to ask)?”

“Cuando tú y tu Cielito se casen (When you and your Cielito get married), ¿puedo ser la niña de las flores (can I be the flower girl)?”

It made him pause because it’d be up to his ​​fiancée-to-be how they were going to get married, and he wasn’t sure if they would have a traditional wedding. If they did, pretty much all of the guests would be his friends and family, while she’d have maybe a handful of friends—there wouldn’t be anyone from her family she’d want to invite with how they disliked Javier and thought he wasn’t good enough for her.

He knew Cielito would be okay with his answer before he said it. “Bueno, si tenemos una boda, claro que puedes ser la niña de las flores, y tus hermanos pueden ser los portadores de los anillos (Well, If we have a wedding, of course you can be the flower girl and your brothers can be the ring bearers).”

“Sí (Yes),” the future bride said. “Si tenemos una boda, tú y tus hermanos tienen que estar en ella (If we have a wedding, you and your brothers have to be it).”

“Yes!” the girl shouted, clapping her hands.

Javier leaned forward with a groan to grab his beer and sat back, bringing it to his lips as he took a long pull of the lukewarm drink.

“¿Te vas a casar porque tu novia tiene un bebé en la barriga (Are you getting married because your girlfriend has a baby in her belly)?” Olivia asked.

Beer came spraying out of his mouth as he attempted to cover it with his hand and started coughing.

“Oh, no,” Cielito said, patting him on the back. “I’m gonna go grab some paper towels.” She got up and left, and he saw the liquid from his mouth on the coffee table.

“¿Estás bien (Are you okay)?” the child asked.

He’d stopped coughing, wiping his wet hand on his jeans.

“Sí, estoy bien (Yes, I’m okay),” he answered, looking over at her. “¿Por qué crees que nos vamos a casar porque ella tiene un bebé en la barriga (Why do you think we’re getting married because she has a baby in her belly)...?”

“Oh, tengo un amigo en la escuela y su papá se casó con su niñera porque ella tenía un bebé en su barriga (Oh, I have a friend at school and his dad married his babysitter because she had a baby in her belly).”

Javier’s eyes widened. “Eh, mi Cielito no tiene un bebé en su barriga (Uh, my Cielito doesn’t have a baby in her belly). Nos vamos a casar porque nos amamos como tus padres (We’re getting married because we love each other like your parents).”

At the mention of them, Steve and Connie came into the room with his wif-girlfriend rushing to wipe off the table for the other woman to set down two photo albums, and he’d been given a paper towel to wipe his face with. Nate was in his dad’s arms, and Stevie had walked in by himself, going over to where he’d been playing to pick up a Ninja Turtle action figure.

“We heard Olivia is asking questions,” Steve said, smiling and taking a seat in his recliner with his youngest son. Connie sat down on Olivia’s other side.

The girl turned her attention to her father. “Daddy, they said if they have a wedding, I can be the flower girl, and Stevie and Nate can carry the rings!”

Steve looked at his daughter. “They’re called ring bearers, sweetie.”

She looked confused. “They’d be ring bears?”

The adults all laughed. “No, ring bearers,” he said slower.

“Ring bearers,” she repeated. Her head turned to Javier. “¿Los portadores de los anillos significan (means) ring bearers?”

He smiled, nodding. “Sí, asi es (Yes, that’s right).”

Cielito had gone to throw away the dirty paper towels, including the one he used, and returned a minute later, taking her seat next to him.

“I thought the future Mrs. Javier Peña might like to see some pictures of you through the years,” Connie said. She pointed at the albums. “The top one—” It had a forest green cover. “—has photos from when we lived in Colombia before we adopted Olivia. The majority are Steve and I, but there’s a bunch of Javi, too.”

Cielito leaned forward to look past him at the other woman with a smile. “I’ve seen the pictures you sent to his parents!”

“Oh, yes!” Connie smiled brightly. “I was aware he talked to them weekly, so they knew he was okay, but I wanted them to be able to see it, too.”

“Thank you, Connie,” he whispered, his throat feeling tight at his friend caring about his parents so much.

“You’re welcome, Javi.” She patted his knee. Stevie was trying to climb into her lap, and she helped him up. “I loved talking to them—your mother was wonderful, and I was sad when she passed away.” Sadness laced her tone. “I wished we could’ve gone to the funeral, but we didn’t have documents for Olivia yet to take her out of Colombia. I still talk to your dad every once in a while—not as often now that you’re back in Texas, and he doesn’t need me keeping an eye on you.”

His head snapped toward her. “You talked to my parents? How in all these years didn’t I know you talked to them and still talk to my dad?”

Neither of his parents had ever mentioned being in contact with Connie, aside from his father saying she sent them pictures of Javier while he was in South America.

A sad smile was on her face. “Your mother swore me to keep it a secret.”

“My mom?” he said the words so quietly.

“Yes. Your mother was a very smart woman and used the number you gave her to your office in case of emergencies to get a hold of Steve so she could get our home phone number and call me. She just wanted to make sure you were okay, and I understood where she was coming from as a mother—I didn’t have kids at the time, but even then, I knew if my baby was on another continent, I would’ve done the same thing, and it really was no problem. As I’ve said, I loved talking to your parents.”

His eyes were burning with unshed tears at the lengths his parents went to in order to check up on him. Cielito took the beer from his hand and put it on the table so she could tangle her fingers with his, cuddling into his side, and he was thankful for the comfort.

Javier was a terrible son.

He put his parents through so much over the years, and what for?

What did he accomplish?

Yeah, he helped bring down Pablo Escobar and got the Cali Cartel fuckers, but like some mythical monster, you cut off one head, and two take its place—they took down Escobar and the Medellín cartel, and before they knew it, Cali and others had taken over.

It was a never-ending cycle: wash, rinse, repeat.

He’s known it since he made the decision to resign from the DEA: The War on Drugs would never end. From his current job as a drug enforcement consultant, he knew that sentiment was confirmed with the rise of the Mexican cartels becoming major players.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

And all of this showing him he wasted years of his life fighting an unwinnable fight and causing his parents nothing but pain and misery. He was their only son, su bendición (their blessing), and he’d risked his life so many fucking times for what? It felt like it was all for nothing.

Not when he thought about the precious time he lost with his mother, or his father living in that old house all alone, or how he wasn’t getting to start his family until now and really love his life.

Years wasted.

Shame, regret, and remorse were heavy in his head and heart, and he wished he could apologize to his mother—he needed her forgiveness and his father’s, too.

“I appreciate that, Connie.” Getting the words out around the lump in his throat was hard. “I, um, I’ll be back.”

“Are you okay?” Cielito asked, concern evident on her face when he met her eyes.

“Yeah,” he answered, untangling their hands. “I’m okay.” He attempted a reassuring smile that she didn’t believe one bit. “Look at the pictures, baby, and I’ll be right back.”

Her mouth was turned down in a deep frown. “Okay.”

Without another word, he got up and quickly went through the dining room to the hallway, heading for the guest bedroom.

He didn’t lock the door once he was inside.

He didn’t want to worry Cielito more than she already was.

His cell phone was on top of the dresser, and he picked it up, the numbers glowing green as he pressed the number to speed dial his dad.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Click.

The recorded message started playing, hearing his mother’s accented voice say in English, “You have reached the Peña residence—” Tears began falling down his cheeks. “We’re sorry we could not make it to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number, and we will get back to you. Thank you!”

Beep.

Javier cleared his throat, the emotion making his words come out thick, “Hey Pop, it’s me, Javi. You’re probably working—” He checked his watch, seeing it was a little after three in Laredo. “—Yeah, you’re working. Uh, we made it to Miami safe, and everyone loves mi Cielito. We knew they would. Um—” He took a deep breath, pacing slowly back and forth. “—I know I’ve apologized before, but I’m so fucking sorry for being gone for so long and making you and mi mamá worry so much. Connie told me about talking to you guys and I,” his voice cracked on the one syllable. He cleared his throat again. “I feel like shit for what I put you through, and I just hope you and mamá can forgive me for all of the pain I caused. I hate that I wasted so many years away from you both that I can’t get back. I’ll—” More tears were falling down his cheeks. “—never see or talk to my mom again, and I miss her so fucking much. I wish I could tell her I’m so close to starting my family. Cielito just wants to talk to you first about us moving in—”

“Javi?” His dad answered the phone, and Javier stopped moving, standing still. “¿Qué pasa (What’s wrong)?” He sounded concerned. “Acabo de entrar y te escuché hablar de tu mamá (I just came inside and heard you talking about your mom).”

“Hola, Pop (Hi, Pop). Perdóname por molestarte (I’m sorry for bothering you).”

“No me estás molestando, Mijo (You’re not bothering me, Mijo). Dime qué pasa (Tell me what’s wrong).”

Javier inhaled deeply and slowly let it out. “He sido un hijo terrible (I’ve been a terrible son).”

“¿De qué hablas (What are you talking about)? Eres un hijo maravilloso y estoy muy orgulloso de ti (You’re a wonderful son and I’m very proud of you). Tu madre también estaba mui orgullosa de ti (Your mother was very proud of you, too).”

“No, no lo soy (No, I’m not). Te preocupé tanto que tenías a Connie vigilándome (I worried you so much that you had Connie watching me).”

“Ella no te estaba vigilándo (She wasn’t watching you). Ella solo nos ponía al día sobre cómo estabas (She was just updating us on how you were doing).”

“Todavía te preocupé lo suficiente como para que mi mamá le pidiera que hiciera eso (I still worried you enough that my mom asked her to do that).”

His dad huffed out a breath. “Javi, te acuerdas bien como era tu madre (Javi, you remember your mother). Ella era sobreprotectora contigo (She was overprotective of you). Llamaba a Connie de vez en cuando cuando estabas en Miami y me aseguraba de que estabas bien porque ya tenía su número de teléfono (I called Connie from time to time when you were in Miami and made sure you were okay because I already had her phone number). No eres un hijo terrible (You are not a terrible son). Eres trabajador, comprometido, testarudo, pero no terrible (You’re hardworking, committed, stubborn, but not terrible).”

He spoke quietly. “¿Me perdonas por todo (Will you forgive me for everything)?”

His father sighed. “Mijo, no hay nada de que perdonarte, pero si te hace sentir mejor, sí, te perdono, y tu madre te perdona también (Mijo, there is nothing to forgive you for, but if it makes you feel better, yes, I forgive you, and your mother forgives you, too). Ahora, ¿qué decías acerca de comenzar tu familia en el contestador automático (Now, what were you saying about starting your family on the answering machine)?”

The sudden change of topic made Javier chuckle, his free hand wiping at his wet cheeks. “Of course, that caught your attention.”

“Yes, it did.” The smile was clear in his voice. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay first. Am I finally getting my nietos (grandchildren) soon?”

Javier smiled. “I’ll say it was a great idea to bring her here where there are a bunch of kids—she needs reassurance from you that you’re really okay with us moving in while the house is being built and won’t mind a baby. I think the plan is to talk to you in person at my birthday dinner,” he sighed.

“Of course, I won’t mind a baby!” It was obvious he was excited. “Mi primer nieto (My first grandchild)! I’ve already told you I’d love to have you all here! I’ll have your primos (cousins) start helping me clear out the guest room this weekend so I can begin working on the nursery. This is the best news! Are you sure she doesn’t want to talk to me right now?”

He turned to look at the closed door and was tempted to take the phone to her.

“She’s out in the living room with the family looking at pictures of me.” His fingers slid through his hair. “If I can convince her to talk with you over the phone, I’ll give you a call.”

“I’ll stay home from work for the next two days, just in case.”

“You don’t have to do that. We can leave a message, and you can call us back.”

“No, I need to be here to answer the call. It’s important.”

His eyes were watering at his father’s love for them. “Thank you, Pop.”

“No, thank you, Mijo. I can’t wait to have you all here. Go convince her to call me—I’m not getting any younger.”

Javier laughed. “Okay, okay, I’ll do my best.”

“And you better call me when you propose.”

His mouth was turned up in a smile. “You’ll be the first person to know.”

“Good. Javi?”

“Yeah, Pop?”

“I love you, Mijo, and I’m truly proud of the man you are today. I can’t wait to watch you become the incredible husband and father I know you will be.” Javier couldn’t stop the tears, his throat feeling like it was closing up. “Your mamá might be gone, but I know wherever she is, she’s happy her son has found so much love and happiness. It’s all we ever wanted for you. We love you, Javiercito.”

“I love you, too.”

“Now, go work on making me an abuelo and tell mi nuera (daughter-in-law) I love her, too.”

He chuckled. “I’ll tell her. Bye, Pop.”

“Bye, Mijo.”

The call ended, and he put the phone back on the dresser and walked into the en suite to stand at the sink. The skin on his cheeks was glistening in the lights of the bathroom, his eyes red-rimmed, and his nose a little runny.

No matter how many times he apologized to his father for his past sins, it never felt like it was enough—it would never feel like it was enough. He knew his father forgave him long ago, and with how much he’s groveled, he’s become a broken record.

If he really thought about it and looked deep down into why he felt the need to apologize so much, it was because he hadn’t forgiven himself. He wasn’t even sure what it would take to forgive himself. It was obvious his dad was tired of him apologizing and wanted him to focus on his future.

His future.

Cielito was his future.

Their children were his future.

A memory came to him of their second date, hearing the woman he was going to marry clearly in his brain:

“...you feel like you need to atone for everything you’ve done, but you really don’t. You’ve done enough, more than enough. The past hurts, but you can either run from it or learn from it…”

When he first got back from Colombia, he ran; he hid away here in Miami with his friends and their family until he got scared he was going to lose his dad and went home. That was when it hit him: he didn’t want to waste any more time away from his father, and he finally stayed. The most important thing to him now was his family: his dad, Cielito, and their future children; they were what mattered.

One day, he’d forgive himself, and he had a feeling it’d happen when he finally had a parent’s perspective…

Turning on the faucet, he splashed some water on his face, drying it off with a small towel he got from underneath the sink. Any sign he’d been crying had been washed away, and he made his way back to the living room feeling a little lighter and determined to keep his focus on moving forward—engagement, marriage, children.

He found his future wife had moved over on the couch to sit closer to Olivia and Connie with a photo album open on her lap and angled for the other two to see, the older women having a conversation. Stevie stood on the couch next to his mom, pretending his Ninja Turtle action figure was walking on the back of the sofa and on Connie’s head, quietly talking to himself. His little blue eyes landed on Javier, and he smiled.

“Tío’s back!” he shouted.

Javier smiled back. “I am, buddy.”

The women paused, Cielito’s head turning to watch as he walked around the couch to sit beside her.

Immediately, she leaned into him and whispered, “Are you okay?”

He rubbed circles over her spine. “Yeah,” he answered. “Pop says he loves you.”

Realization dawned on her, and he could tell she worked out he’d gotten upset over what Connie had revealed and needed to talk to his father.

She softly smiled. “Hopefully, he knows I love him, too.”

A small smile turned up on his lips. “He knows.”

“Good.”

Her attention went back to Connie. “Sorry,” she said. “So, Texas has a lot of nursing opportunities, and I was over being in a big city—I did my schooling at a university in a somewhat big city, too—I looked into other places around the state hiring and interviewed at a bunch, and out of the offers I got, I liked Laredo the best.”

“I bet the smaller hospital is a breath of fresh air,” Connie replied.

“It is! And working in the ED (Emergency Department) in Dallas was exhilarating until it got exhausting and depressing.”

A solemn look was on the other woman’s face. “I know exactly what you mean. If you think it’s bad here, in Colombia, it’s much worse, and drove me to switch to L & D (Labor and Delivery) when I came back to Miami.”

“I can imagine, based on what I’ve heard. I actually thought about going into L & D, too, but I was offered the PACU position in Laredo.”

“What does PACU mean?” he asked.

Both women looked over at him, saying in unison, “Post Anesthesia Care Unit.”

“Oh, okay…”

“I haven’t understood half the stuff they’ve been talking about,” Steve said. “Connie’s having the time of her life being able to talk shop with someone.”

She looked at her husband. “Let me enjoy this. It’s nice being able to talk to someone outside of work who understands.”

“Hey, I’m happy for you, baby,” Steve replied, holding up a hand in a placating gesture. “Now I know what you feel like listening to Jav and me talking about work.”

“Exactly.” She faced his fianceé-to-be again, smiling. “I love helping bring new little lives into the world and teaching new parents how to care for their babies—most of the time, my job is wonderful. I’m sure Javi hasn’t told you, but remind me to tell you the story about Nate later.”

The tale of how Steve and Connie got Nathaniel wasn’t fucked up like his sister’s; it was just sad.

The youngest Murphy’s birth mother, was a girl not even out of high school, who came to the hospital alone and left alone. She brought no identification with her and refused to give her real name, telling people to call her Sam—the girl had been scared out of her mind, so Connie stayed with her the entire time and discovered she had hidden the pregnancy from her family because if they found out, she would’ve been disowned and thrown out on the street. Sam had begged Connie over and over again for her to find her baby a loving home, that she did love him and wished she could keep him, but they wouldn’t have anywhere to live if she did, and that she wanted him to have a good life.

His mother only held him once, right after she’d given birth, and refused to give him a name.

Connie was the one to take the baby to the nursery to have him measured, weighed and to take his vitals. When she returned, the new mother was gone—she vanished. Security couldn’t find her, and with how quickly she disappeared, Connie suspected a friend or her boyfriend picked her up.

Over the years, Steve and Connie had wanted a third kid, however, they struggled with getting pregnant and had to get help from doctors in order to have Stevie. So, when Connie found herself spending more and more time in the nursery with the tiny, abandoned newborn, she realized he was the third child they’d been hoping for, and her husband was fine with bringing him home—they both agreed on naming him Nathaniel Samuel Murphy.

“I will,” Cielito said.

Out of the three children, Nate was the most easy-going of the bunch. He was content to sit cuddled in his father’s lap, sipping on his sippy cup of water and watching everyone else in the room with his big, dark eyes.

“Mommy?” Stevie was patting his mother’s shoulder as he got her attention.

“Yes, baby?” She looked over at him.

“I want juice.”

“How do we ask for things?”

“Can I have juice, pleeeeassse?” he drew out the last word.

“Okay, let’s go get some juice.”

Nate’s cup left his mouth as he said, “Juice?”

“You want some juice, too, kiddo?” Steve asked him, bending to kiss his hair.

“Juice!” the toddler exclaimed.

His dad chuckled. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Can I have a Capri Sun?” Olivia asked.

“Of course, honey,” Connie answered.

Steve groaned as he got up from the chair with Nathaniel still in his arms. “Murphys report to the kitchen for juice!” he said.

“Yay!” Stevie yelled, getting down from the couch and running out of the room.

“Y’all want anything?” Steve asked Javier and his future wife.

“I’m good,” he responded.

“I’m good, too,” Cielito added.

His friend nodded and followed his wife and daughter to the kitchen.

“Thank god, we’re alone,” Cielito whispered, flipping through the pages, looking for a specific picture. “I need to ask you about something.”

He didn’t even know what pictures were in this album since he’d never seen it before and was curious about what caught her attention.

“What is it?”

She found what she was looking for, moving in her seat to show him a page with a picture of him holding a bulky satellite phone to his ear, his other hand flipping off Steve, who was taking the picture.

He couldn’t even remember when it was taken. The sleeves were rolled up on his maroon button-up shirt to bare his forearms, and he was wearing an army green tac vest over it, the bulge from the tightness of his dark wash jeans showing he was dressing to the left while his aviators were on—he could admit he looked pretty good.

“Do you have one of these at your office?” she asked.

“One of what?”

“The vest thingy.” She pointed at it.

“The tac vest?”

He met her eyes, seeing her smiling. “Yeah. Do you still have one?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t see any action and don’t need one.”

Her shoulders slumped, frowning, and he perked up at the reaction.

“Can you… get one?” She chewed on her bottom lip, and he smirked.

His voice went lower. “You like the vest that much?”

“This whole look.” She circled the photo with her finger. “The clothes, your grumpy face, the vest—it’s awakened something in me, and I need to, um, see it in person for reasons…” Her eyes darted away.

He leaned in closer, gently taking her chin between two fingers to make her look at him as he quietly rasped, “Are the reasons for me to fuck you looking like this?”

“Yes,” she breathed.

“In that case, I’ll borrow one from work and bring it home.” He winked.

“God, I love you.” The album was left in her lap, her upper body twisting in his direction, pressing her fingers into his hair as her lips crashed against his. His arm wrapped around her back, the other hand holding her cheek, kissing her hard.

He was more than happy to wear whatever she wanted—he was always happy to wear what she wanted, and this look wouldn’t be too hard to replicate. His mind was playing out them doing a scene where he stripped her of her clothes and ‘searched’ her, which would end with him bending her over and fucking her…

“Oh, gross!” Olivia shouted.

They separated so quickly you’d think they were burned.

“Gross!” Stevie echoed, not knowing what was going on.

“What were they doing?” their father asked as he walked into the room holding a new beer, Connie behind him with Nate in her arms, the toddler holding a green sippy cup.

The oldest of the children had walked around to sit on the opposite side of the couch to them, drinking from a yellow straw in a silver pouch. Stevie had a red cup that matched his brother’s and came to Javier, who picked him up to sit on his thigh.

The straw left the girl’s mouth, her face contorted in disgust. “They were kissing.”

“That is gross,” Steve said, taking a seat in his recliner, and Connie sitting on the other side of Javier’s soon-to-be-fianceé.

He sighed.

“Oh, stop that, Steve,” his wife scolded.

“Yes, dear,” his friend replied.

Nathaniel wiggled away from his mother to sit in his big sister’s lap, Olivia putting an arm around his middle while her other hand held her juice and it warmed Javier’s heart that they clearly had a bond—it made him happy they all had bonded and loved each other.

Connie’s head turned in the direction of Javier and Cielito. “Do you want to look at the other album since we finished the Colombia one?”

“Sure!” Cielito answered, closing the album in her lap, leaning forward to put it on the coffee table, and grabbing the other.

“You know, Jav,” Steve started, meeting his eyes, a brown beer bottle held in his hand on the recliner’s arm. “I once said you were gonna be a lifer with the DEA, and I’m glad I was wrong.”

He could recall when Steve had said that, and at the time, he agreed, his work was his life, and he didn’t think he could ever leave his job—he never fathomed it. Interestingly, the longer he worked there, the more disillusioned he became until he realized all of it was pointless, and he finally resigned. He just wished he would’ve figured things out earlier.

“I think being domesticated suits you better,” his friend continued. “You sure as heck are happier, and isn’t that all that matters?” He raised his beer before taking a drink.

“Yeah,” Javier said. “This life is definitely better.”

“Most of the pictures in this album are of Olivia because it’s one we have of her and before we had the boys,” Connie told them, bringing his attention to the open photo album on Cielito’s thighs. “But it was during a time when Javi stayed with us for a while, so he’s in there.”

Steve had turned the television onto a cartoon channel with the volume not too loud for the kids while they flipped through pages of pictures of Olivia, who was about five years old in them, and Connie telling them stories behind some of them. Stevie leaned back against his chest, holding his sippy cup to his mouth while watching the TV. The first photo Javier appeared in, they were at the zoo, and it was taken from the side, the grinning little girl on his white, button-up-covered shoulders with him pointing at something, his head turned and tilted up as he talked to her, his eyes shielded behind his sunglasses.

There were more pictures of them at the zoo, some from different beach trips, and a lot at the Murphys' home, Javier smiling and laughing in many of them.

They were looking at one Connie clearly took of him and Steve standing in the ocean up to their stomachs, across from each other, laughing, while Olivia was mid-air between them, having been thrown by one man to the other when Cielito looked at him.

“I’m really mad that your dad doesn’t have any of these and that you made me cry the first time I met him because the only pictures he had of you as an adult were of you miserable in Colombia. Where were these, Javier? All the smiles and laughs!”

He grimaced. “I didn’t know they existed…” That was the truth. Sure, he knew his friends had taken photos, but he always assumed they were of their kids. He didn’t realize they included him in so many.

Her eyes narrowed. “Uh huh, right, then explain this!”

She went back a few pages to a picture she had proclaimed was her favorite a little while ago—he was wearing a light blue button-up and jeans, a bright pink feather boa wrapped around his neck, and silver tiara on his head, looking like a hulking figure sitting on the tiny child-size chair at the tiny child-size table. Olivia was sitting across from him in a pink frilly dress and gold tiara, holding an itty bitty teacup, another three in front of her guests on the table, the other two seats occupied by a teddy bear and a The Little Mermaid Ariel Barbie.

What the woman he was going to marry found hilarious was he was dressed like that with his knees practically against his chest and was trying to look menacing as he glared at the camera with a hand up to hide from the little girl that he was giving the bird to the person taking the picture.

“You obviously knew they were taking this picture of you!” She poked it hard.

“Sure.” He shrugged. “But I figured Steve was just taking it to give me shi-crap later. I seriously didn’t know about the others.”

“Fine.” She looked at the other woman. “I really am going to need a copy of this if it won’t be too much trouble.”

Connie smiled. “I’ve got a duplicate somewhere. I’d just have to look, and I’ll send it your way.”

“You are amazing. Thank you so much! Are there, um, any pictures of Javi with the boys as babies…?”

Javier’s ears perked, his heart speeding up, hoping they did.

“That’s a great idea,” Steve said. “We gotta show her the photos of Javi with Stevie, Con.”

His best friend winked at him, and he decided at that moment he was going to make a run to the liquor store later to buy Steve an expensive bottle of top-shelf whiskey for being his wingman.

Connie frowned, her head turning to her husband. “But I haven’t put them in an album… They’re all loose.”

“That’s fine,” Cielito said a little too quickly, making him grin that she wanted to see him with a baby so badly.

“Yeah, Connie,” Javier added. “We don’t mind.”

“Oh, alright,” she said. “I’ll put these albums away.” She took the one his future wife held and closed it, getting up and grabbing the other on the table. “And I’ll get the other pictures. Be back in a jiffy.” She left the room.

Cielito looked at him, leaning in to whisper in his ear. “Is this a bad idea?”

“For your self-control?” he replied just as quietly, parroting back what she’d said earlier in the day. “Yes. For me getting that thing I want really bad? No. I think it’s a great idea.”

“Of course you do.”

He frowned, something in the back of his mind needing him to ask the next question.

“Am I pushing too much? Do you need more time?”

She pulled back to meet his eyes, her voice quiet enough for only him to hear.

“The first question, no. You’re just excited. The second, yes and no. I’ll talk to you about it later.”

“Okay,” he nodded.

“Oh.” A surprised look came over her face before she was looking to her other side. Javier leaned forward to see what got her attention and found Nate had crawled over and was sitting on his knees with his sippy cup in one hand and the other on her arm, clearly asking to be picked up. “Hi, buddy,” she said, immediately lifting him and getting him situated so he was half cradled in her arm and sitting in her lap, his curious eyes staring up at her face and tiny chubby hand reaching to touch it while he drank from his cup. “Hi, there,” she cooed, gently rubbing the arm he had held up. “I’m your tío’s girlfriend—”

“You’re his tía,” Javier corrected, feeling so soft at watching her interact with the little one he feared he might dissolve into a puddle.

“Sorry, I’m your tía, and you’re a cutie pie.” She softly poked him in the belly.

“Daddy,” Olivia said. “Look, Nate likes tía!” She was pointing at them beside her.

“He sure does, baby girl,” her father replied. “Isn’t that something?”

Stevie wanted to be a part of what was going on and moved to look into Cielito’s arms, letting his cup fall into Javier’s lap. “Nate likes tía!” The three-year-old hugged her arm. “I like tía, too.” Javier sucked in a breath. “She makes yummy cookies.”

“I like you, too, Stevie,” she told him, and Javier ruffled the boy’s dirty blonde hair, making him laugh. “And I, of course, like you, also, Olivia.” She glanced over at the girl. “I’m excited that you’re gonna be a paleontologist one day so you can show me real dinosaur bones.”

“I will!” The girl nodded, grinning.

He loved seeing her holding the toddler and talking to the other children, unable to keep the smile off his face as he watched and imagined what she’d look like with their own baby. Her answer to if she needed more time worried him a little, and he hoped they could talk about it soon so he knew what she meant. He was ready—more than ready, but he didn’t want to rush her if she wasn’t, and they’d figure this all out later.

Looking at pictures of Javi with a baby Stevie was absolutely a bad idea.

And it wasn’t like you hadn’t seen him holding a baby before; he had a lot of cousins, many of whom had children under the age of two, that you’ve seen him interact with, and always caused you to have the same reaction of feeling like your ovaries were going to explode.

But these loose photos were on a different level.

He went through the stack of pictures that had combinations of Stevie with his sister, parents, and Javi, the latter being the ones you were most interested in—seeing Javi feeding the baby in his high chair, your future husband sitting in a rocking chair with Stevie cradled in his arm as he held a bottle, one of him on the couch with the baby in the crook of his arm and Olivia on his other side while he read them a children’s book, a photo of Javi passed out on the sofa with a protective hand on Stevie asleep on top of him, a candid shot of the man you were going to marry playing peek-a-boo with the baby, and the one that made your breath catch in your throat was Javi standing with Stevie strapped to his chest as he carried Olivia in his arm like it was no big deal.

There were others, and along with the pictures you saw earlier in the album, each and every one was like a glimpse into your future, showing you the type of doting, loving father he was going to be. What had heat crawling up your neck and heart racing was if this was what he was like with kids he considered his niece and nephew, then most likely he’d be like that but times a thousand with his own children.

He was going to be such a good dad.

Why had he ever thought he didn’t deserve to be one? Or that he’d be a bad father?

The thought that your future kids would be so loved made your eyes burn. They were going to have two parents who loved them all so much, and there wouldn’t be any favorites.

Seeing all of these photos and watching Javi interact with the Murphy kids—Stevie was sitting with him and pointing at the pictures, excitedly saying who was in them while the man you loved softly encouraged him and told him what a good job he was doing—had that ancient, primal part of your brain acting up again, this time screaming in the back of your mind that you’ve found the perfect mate to father your children, and it wasn’t wrong; it was exciting and really revving your engines.

There was just one teeny, tiny problem.

Obviously, Javi was jonesing to get going on the babymaking and had even gone so far as to figure out a place to live while your house was being built. You’d think with that problem solved and the assurance you’d be married before a baby was born, you’d be ready to go for it. Well, as much as you wanted a child, you were a little scared about the prospect of being pregnant and pushing a tiny human out of your vagina. You were a nurse, you knew the odds were in your favor that you’d be okay, but you were a nurse, and you also knew the things that could go wrong—Javier’s difficult birth that almost took his mother, coming to mind.

When it was something that was going to happen in the near future, everything was fine, and you were excited about starting your family; however, now that it was on your doorstep with your boyfriend banging on the door, you were kind of freaking out. You should’ve talked to Javi about this earlier when you were having your doubts and needed his reassurance, but at that point, you didn’t know his dad had already given the okay for you guys to move in.

The current climate in your head was that you loved the idea of having a baby with Javi and finally making him a father; looking at all of the pictures and watching him with the children was really doing it for you, and you couldn’t wait to be alone together later that night. The reality of actually going through with it and getting pregnant, carrying a child, and giving birth made you feel uneasy.

It was very confusing to want something yet be scared of it at the same time.

Javi stuffed the photos back into the big envelope the drug store put them in after they developed the film, setting it on the coffee table when he was done.

“Thank you for letting us look at all those pictures,” you said to Connie beside you with a smile. “It was nice seeing Javi so happy with the kids.”

Nate held your thumb in his little hand while his attention was on the television where cartoons played. Stevie was talking to Javi about something you weren’t paying attention to.

“You’re welcome.” She patted your knee. “When we still lived in Colombia, I swear the only time I ever saw Javi smile was when he held Olivia or played with her. He’d buy her toys, and when he’d come over for dinner, he’d take her for a bit to give me a breather. I’m not saying he was as playful and happy as he is now, but there was a difference between the Javi we knew and the Javi Olivia knew, which is still kinda true today.”

“Yeah, he’s sweeter with the kids.”

“And you.”

“And me,” you giggled.

“Just so you know,” Steve started. “Our kids could use some cousins—especially some bilingual ones. We want the boys to be fluent in Spanish like their sister, and it’d be nice for them to have more people to talk to.”

“Because you didn’t bother learning Spanish while living in a Spanish-speaking country for how many years?” Javi asked.

“Hey! I speak enough of it to get by.”

Javi leaned forward to look at the other end of the couch. “Olivia, ¿qué tan malo es tu papá para hablar español (How bad is your dad at speaking Spanish)?”

She grinned. “Él es muy malo (He’s very bad). Él apesta (He stinks).” She plugged her nose with her fingers.

“Hey!” Steve exclaimed again. “You guys know it’s against the rules to talk shit about me in Spanish.”

“Daddy said a bad word!” Stevie gasped. “That’s a bad word.”

The blonde man’s eyes widened. “Oh, sorry, kiddo. Daddy didn’t mean to say that.”

“It’s a dollar in the swear jar, Dad,” Olivia said.

The swear jar was a big pickle jar they repurposed that sat on top of their fridge and was filled halfway with a mix of green bills and loose change.

“I’ll put it in there when I get up,” he sighed.

“You lost a dollar, and you don’t even know what we said,” Javi said, looking a little too delighted.

Steve was frowning, his eyes narrowed. “I know malo means bad, and the two of you were making fun of my Spanish.”

“¿Él realmente sabe o lo está adivinando (Does he really know that, or is he guessing)?” you asked the other two Spanish speakers.

“Él probablemente podría entender algo de lo que dijimos, pero creo que en la mayor parte, está adivinando (He could probably understand some of what we said, but I think for the most part, he’s guessing),” Javi answered.

“Solo entiende el español muy básico (He only understands very basic Spanish),” Olivia said. “Es muy gracioso (It’s really funny). Tío y yo podemos hablar de cualquier cosa y papá y mamá no entienden lo que estamos diciendo (Uncle and I can talk about anything and dad and mom don’t understand what we’re saying).”

“Oh god, Connie,” Steve said. “Now there’s three of them talking about us while we’re right here.”

“From what I’ve gathered, it’s just about how we don’t understand much, and I don’t think anything bad…” Connie replied.

“You’re right, Connie,” you told her. Looking between Javi and Olivia, you asked, “A ustedes dos les encanta hacer esto para volverlos locos, ¿no (You two love doing this to drive them crazy, don’t you)?”

“Sí (Yes),” they answered in unison with big smiles.

It was adorable.

“Y su papá tuvo tiempo más que suficiente para aprender el idioma, así que es su culpa que aún no lo entiende (And her dad had more than enough time to learn the language, so it’s his fault he still doesn’t understand it). Traté de enseñarle (I tried to teach him),” Javi said.

“Van a odiar cuando sus tres hijos hablen en un idioma que no entienden (They are going to hate when their three children speak in a language they don’t understand),” you replied.

“No puedo esperar (I can’t wait).”

“Estoy emocionado de que mis hermanos aprendan (I’m excited for my brothers to learn),” Olivia said. “Será como si tuviéramos un lenguaje secreto (It will be like we have a secret language).”

You looked at her, switching to English, “That will be really cool. Do you want to learn any other languages?”

“Ummm, I don’t know.” She shrugged.

“And that’s okay.”

Connie looked at the watch on her wrist. “Gosh, I better get started on making dinner.”

“Do you need help?” you asked.

Her eyes met yours. “Oh, no, I couldn’t ask you to help. You’re on vacation and were sweet to make cookies with our kids.”

“I insist,” you said. Turning your head to Javi, you continued, “Hey, babe?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you take Nate? I’m gonna help Connie make dinner.”

“Yeah.” His attention went to the toddler sitting with him. “I gotta move you, bud.” As he said, he moved Stevie to his other knee, then easily took Nate from you, who was so engrossed in the TV that he didn’t make a sound of protest.

For dinner that evening, Connie was making spaghetti. You followed her into the kitchen, making small talk before she showed you what the sides would be. You offered to make the salad, getting set up at the counter with a cutting board, knife, box grater, and all of the veggies—romaine lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, and a long carrot (no onions because the kids hated them).

There was a lull in your conversation while you diced a tomato, the salad bowl already containing the chopped lettuce, and Connie was in the process of browning the the meat for the sauce.

The last thing she said was that she bet Javi would keep the two boys occupied for maybe another ten minutes before they wandered into the kitchen to find her. You thought it was adorable, making you wonder if your future children would love you that much, leading you to think about how ready Javi was to start a family and your slight hang-up.

“Hey, Connie?” You kept cutting the tomato.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you a kinda personal question? I, um, don’t have many friends who’ve given birth, and my relationship with my mother is a joke, so I’m hoping you could give me some insight…”

The meat had finished cooking, and she added canned tomato sauce, tomato paste, and seasonings with a bit of water.

She put a lid over the pan as it simmered and turned to face you. “Ask me anything, honey.”

You smiled, beginning to dice the next tomato. “Okay, were you scared at all about any aspect of pregnancy or childbirth?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s pretty common. I see it all the time in L & D. With mine, I had a lot of fear while I was pregnant because I was so worried something was gonna happen to the baby—we had trouble conceiving. Are you scared?”

“Yes,” you sighed.

“About which part?”

“All of it…”

“Well, here’s what I’m gonna tell you: it’s weird as hell to have a human growing inside of you, but the moment you register it’s your baby—your child, everything kinda changes, and you fall in love with this tiny person. You’ll worry about their health, you’re probably gonna feel like shit, and childbirth is scary, but I’m telling you, when you get to the point you’re ready to pop, you’re gonna want them to get that baby out of you as quickly as possible. And all of it is worth it when you finally get to hold that little human you shared your body with for nine months. Except, it’s really freaking annoying when you do 99.9% of the work, and the baby comes out looking exactly like their father. What’s up with that?”

She sounded so annoyed, and it made you laugh.

“I would actually love it if our kid was a little Javi clone,” you said, glancing over at her. “I’ve seen pictures of him growing up; he was a cutie.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I think my husband is extremely attractive, and I know I’m lucky, but it feels like a betrayal that I grew this baby from nothing, and he got none of my genes—not even my eyes!” She threw up her arms. “The only baby I will ever have, and he’s mini-Steve, which, just so you know, we picked out his name before he was born.”

“You jinxed yourself,” you giggled. “He took Steven Murphy Jr. literally. Ooh, I wonder if we’re ever having a boy if Javi would agree to name him Javier Jr.”

“Since you’re fine if he comes out as a mini-Javi, you should go for it. How cute would it be if our minis were best friends?”

“God, that would be so cute.”

Just the thought had you feeling soft.

“Still scared, sweetie?” she asked.

You smiled. “I guess no more than I should be and a bit nervous, but you made me feel way better about everything. Thank you, Connie.”

“You’re welcome, and know I’m here if you have any more questions or just need to talk—Javi’s family, and that makes you family, too.”

Looking over at her, emotion was making your throat feel tight. “You don’t know how much I appreciate that.”

All that Connie said really had helped you feel better, knowing it was normal to have some fear, and like she said, in the end, it would all be worth it when you finally got to hold your baby.

As the mother predicted, the two toddlers arrived in the kitchen, Stevie’s steps more sure-footed than Nate’s toddling, the youngest going straight to grabbing Connie’s leg.

Javi followed them in, and you weren’t sure if he was just ensuring they’d gone to find their mom or if he wanted to see you, but with how his arms wrapped around your middle from behind, and he kissed just below your ear, you thought it was probably both.

Nathaniel was on Connie’s hip as she cooked, the woman not hindered by holding a child.

“What are you doing?” Stevie asked as he stood beside you, looking up.

“I’m making a salad,” you answered.

“Can I see, pleeeasssee?”

“Uh.” There was no way you could use a knife or the grater while holding a wiggly kid, and it seemed a bit dangerous, but he was staring up at you with those big round blue eyes, and you didn’t want to tell him no.

“I’ll show you, buddy,” Javi said, moving to bend over with a wheeze to pick up the toddler and straighten. He stepped away from where you were working so the child couldn’t reach but could still see what you were doing. The man pointed at your chopping board. “She’s cutting up a tomato.”

At him saying that you went back to finishing dicing the second tomato, quickly working the knife in practiced motions.

“What color is the tomato?” he asked Stevie in a gentle tone.

“Red!” the little one answered.

“Good job. Red is my favorite color. What’s your favorite color?”

“Blue! My blankie’s blue.”

“It is.”

“You like red.”

“I do.”

You finished the tomato and grabbed the cucumber.

“What’s that?” Stevie asked, pointing at it.

“A cucumber,” Javi answered.

“What’s that?” he asked again, looking at the man holding him this time.

“A vegetable. They’re yummy. Do you want to try it?”

It was killing you how cute their conversation was.

“Yes.”

“May I please have a slice, mi amor (my love)?” Javi asked you.

You stopped cutting, picking up a thin slice between two fingers you held up to him. “Here you go.”

“What do we say?” Javi asked the child as he carefully took it from you.

“I love youuu,” Stevie replied.

You giggled, Javi chuckling. “We do love her,” Javi said. “But since she’s nice and gave us something, we thank her. Do you wanna tell her thank you?”

“Thank youuu, tía. I love youuu.”

A smile was on your face. “You’re welcome, Stevie—I love you, too.”

“Here you go, bud,” Javi said, holding the piece of cucumber up to the toddler’s mouth. “It’s yummy.”

The child chomped down on it, humming happily as he chewed.

“Is it yummy?” you asked.

He nodded, taking what was left of the slice from Javi in his little hand and munching on it until he’d eaten the whole thing.

In less than half an hour, dinner was ready, their six-seat dining room table big enough for everyone to have a seat—Nate in a high chair next to Steve sitting at one end of the table, Olivia at the other, Stevie in a booster seat beside Connie, and Javi and you on taking up the two seats opposite them.

When your boyfriend was planning the trip, he made sure you both were on the same page about the limited time you’d be visiting and asked if on the first or second night, you wanted him to take you out to dinner or dancing since it was Miami, after all. Your answer was you were there to visit his best friends and their family, so you wanted to spend as much time as possible getting to know them—going out on the town wasn’t important for this trip, and you only hoped there’d be a chance to go to the beach.

You didn’t need him to wine and dine you—you were more than happy eating a homemade meal with the Murphys, laughing and chatting between bites.

Javi and you cleaned the kitchen without being asked after dinner, everyone having milk and cookies before it was time for the kids to go to bed.

Their bedtime was at eight o’clock, and Connie and Steve were double-teaming the boys’ bathtime. Olivia was old enough to care for herself, even though she tried her best to get her parents to let her stay up later. She did ask for Javi to tell her a story before bed, which he agreed to, leaving you alone in their family room watching a rerun of The Brady Bunch.

It gave you time to think, sitting there on the couch, chewing on your thumb.

Even with your fears, the baby fever was strong; all day, as you watched Javi with the kids and looked at pictures, you kept having thoughts about what he’d be like with your own children and feeling this overwhelming need to have a baby with him. There was something really hot about a man who was good with kids, and add in the knowledge you knew for a fact he would be a great parent and partner, had you feeling some type of way...

It was horny; you were so insanely horny over imagining him as the father of your kids.

It didn’t help that he kept giving you material for your imagination to run wild, like him playing with the children and the scenes in the pictures, or when he held Stevie in the kitchen while you were helping make dinner—his free hand had been on your back and he’d pause his conversation with the three-year-old for a second to kiss your hair a few times, easily envisioning him in the same situations with your own kids. Or during dinner with everyone sitting down to eat, and without them knowing, his hand going under the table to ghost his fingers along your jean short-covered thigh until it found its home on your inner thigh, wedged a little in the crease where your leg met your hip, Javi talking to everyone like he couldn’t feel the warmth at your center and thinking he’d absolutely do that at dinner with your own little family. Or there was how he gave you a hug and kiss before he went to tell Olivia a bedtime story, knowing that would be a daily occurrence when you had kids.

God, you wanted him so bad, having to rub your thighs together to ease the ache between them.

From the looks he’d been giving you throughout the day, you were pretty sure he wanted you just as much.

Could he really get you pregnant in a month?

Were you ready to go for it?

It felt like butterflies were fluttering around in your tummy at the thought.

There wasn’t any doubt for you about Javi saying his dad wanted you to live with him, but it felt kind of rude not talking to Chucho yourself before making this huge, life-altering decision that would affect him. You checked your watch, seeing it was almost eight in Laredo. He’d still be up. You could call him and talk it out.

“Hey,” Javi’s voice made you jump in your seat, your heart thudding rapidly. “Sorry.” He came around the couch, standing before you, your head tilting up to look at him.

“It’s okay,” you said.

He had a hand on a hip, smiling down at you with his eyes crinkled in happiness. “You ready for bed? We’re getting up early.”

You started moving to get up, and he put out a palm you took and helped pull you up while you said, “Um, yes. I am very ready for bed. Steve and Connie aren’t gonna miss us?” You were toe to toe with him when you stood.

“No.” He shook his head. “They know we’re getting up early and are exhausted from our long day.”

“Yes, we’re very exhausted from the long day,” you said in a monotone.

His tongue peeked out to swipe over his bottom lip. “Let’s go.”

He turned to grab the TV remote on the coffee table and clicked off the television before it was set down again, and he took your hand, leading you out of the room and toward the guest room, running into Steve and Connie in the hallway who whispered ‘Good night.’

In the bedroom, Javi locked the door, and with all the pent-up tension inside of you, it was surprising he didn’t kiss you immediately; instead, he started working open the buttons on his shirt as he walked over to his duffle bag, shrugging it off when he got to it, and getting out his toiletries bag that he took with him into the bathroom.

To be honest, you stood by the door completely confused while you watched him do all of this and only snapped out of it when the bathroom door closed halfway behind him.

From the sounds of the toilet flushing, then the sink continuously running, he was really going through his bedtime routine, probably washing his face at this moment after he cleaned his hands, and it annoyed you he was doing that instead of fucking you right this second. Your socked feet didn’t make any noise on the hard stone tile as you stomped angrily to your suitcase and got into it, quickly stripping out of your outfit and keeping your underwear on out of spite, covering them with sleep shorts and putting on an oversized t-shirt, you knew he’d hate since he didn’t like you sleeping in clothes.

You softly knocked on the bathroom door as you asked, “Can I wash my face and brush my teeth?” Your stuff was already in there for that.

The door was pulled open as you spoke, Javi standing there in just his unbuttoned jeans, it taking everything in you not to glance down at the trail of hair below his belly button. His face was freshly washed, and a red toothbrush was in his mouth, saying around it, “Yeah.”

He finished brushing his teeth as you walked in, wiping his mouth with a towel and giving you a kiss on the forehead before he went out to the bedroom.

You went through your own routine, the bed squeaking loudly, telling you he had gotten into it.

When you came out, only his bedside lamp was on, and he’d taken the side furthest from where you were standing, lying under the covers with his head propped up on his arm, where he could see you enter the room.

He was smiling up until you pulled back the blankets on your side.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Getting into bed.”

“Yeah, but what are you wearing?”

The sounds the bed made as you crawled in made your jaw clench, all high-pitched and awful.

“Clothes.”

“Why are you wearing them?”

You both usually slept naked.

You turned your back to him, the bedframe squealing softly as you got comfortable.

“‘Cause I feel like it.”

He sighed, metal screeching with every move he made to end up with his naked body flush behind yours, his arm going over your middle, his mouth at your ear as he spoke softly, “Are you mad at me?”

“I’m annoyed with you.”

“What did I do?”

“It’s what you didn’t do.”

He sighed again. “What didn’t I do?”

“Oh, I don’t know, it’s not like you’ve been driving me crazy all fucking day with your sexy DILF energy, and I couldn’t wait to be alone with you so you could give me some good dick or anything.”

He snorted, and it made you grind your teeth.

“I’m sorry I upset you with the lack of good dick and for driving you crazy all day.”

“Apology accepted.”

“But you said earlier you’d talk to me later about how you needed more time, and I thought that discussion was more important than sex and what we were going to discuss when we got back to the room tonight...”

Your stomach dropped, eyes widening.

“Oh. Oh god.” You didn’t even care about the horrendous noises as you flipped over to face him, your hand going to his cheek. “I’m a horny asshole.”

He was frowning. “You forgot.”

“Actually, it wasn’t that I forgot; it was that between then and now, Connie was a gem and gave me some insight to help me work through my shit. Also, she is really mad about Stevie being a carbon copy of Steve.”

“I know—what shit did you need to work through?”

“It’s so dumb, but when you told me you actually talked to your dad about us moving in, it made things real, and I started panicking about the reality of pregnancy and childbirth—which I know most likely everything will be fine, but I was freaking out. Connie talked me through it, though, and let me know it’s pretty common to have some fear, and now I think I’m okay; nervous and a little scared, but okay.”

His fingers ghosted along the skin of your cheek to cup your face, speaking so quietly, “I don’t want you to be scared.”

“I mean, wouldn’t you be a little scared about growing a tiny human inside of you and then pushing them out of your vagina? And don’t say you don’t know because you don’t have a vagina” You poked him in his bare chest. “You practically live in my pussy—imagine a baby coming out of it.”

“...Okay, yeah, I can see how that would be scary. Jesus, I can barely get my dick inside it…”

“Yes, Javier, you have a big dick.” You rolled your eyes. “Is your ego stroked enough?”

He pinched your hip, and you giggled. “I just mean my dick barely fits inside your pussy. How the fuck is a whole baby gonna come out of it?”

Your eyebrow lifted. “Are you being serious? Do you need me to explain the magic of childbirth?”

“No. It was a rhetorical question.”

“Thank god.”

The look on his face changed, seeing the hope glimmering in his chocolate-colored eyes, his hand rubbing your side over your shirt.

“Is this a yes to a baby?” he asked.

“Before I answer.” You pressed your finger to his lips. “I need to talk to your dad just to make sure we’re all on the same page.” He nodded his head. “But, once I talk to him and everything’s peachy keen, it’s a yes.”

A surprised gasp left you when you suddenly found yourself on your back with a very happy man on top of you, slotting his naked hips between your thighs and pressing his lips to yours in a searing kiss. Your arms wrapped around his neck, moaning when his tongue licked into your mouth to tangle with your own, feeling his cock beginning to harden.

There was a throbbing ache in your core, wanting, no, needing, him to fill it in the only way he could, stuffing you full with his dick, then his come. Your fingers slid into his hair, nails lightly scraping against his scalp, the bed complaining with every minuscule movement you made.

SCREECH-Screech-screech. Javi sat up on his knees, the blankets falling down behind him. His eyebrows were pulled together, and his mouth was turned down in a frown as he grabbed the hem of your t-shirt. “If you were naked—” The bed squeaked as your upper body rose for him to tug your shirt off, it getting tossed to the floor. You laid back down, the frame screeching loudly again. “—you’d already be coming on my fingers.” Your cunt clenched hard around nothing at his words.

“I’m sorry!” you harshly whispered. “I was mad.”

He moved back on his knees, causing more ear-splitting noises, his fingers dipping into the waistband of your shorts and underwear. “Yeah, you kept your fucking panties on.” His face scrunched in confusion. “Why would you make it harder for me to fuck you?”

“Because: how annoyed are you right now?”

Squeak. His jaw ticked, and you knew he was irritated. “Between this fucking bed and having to waste time I could be fucking you, undressing you? I’m pretty fucking annoyed.” He pulled off your remaining clothes in one go, your ass rising, then falling back onto the bed and bouncing twice to the tune of the worst high-pitched sounds that could rival nails on a chalkboard. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he seethed.

You grimaced. “I am so sorry, babe. Can I make it up to you? A sloppy blowjob? I can sit on your face? You can play with my ass?” He always loved that.

He moved to lay on his side beside you, the journey plagued by ungodly noise, looking at you with a grumpy expression—someone pounded on the wall connecting your room to Steve and Connie’s master bathroom, Javi’s face turning red and eyes flashing with anger.

“Fuck this,” he growled.

He tossed his pillow and yours to the floor next to you and crawled over you to get off the mattress, the bedframe singing the godawful song of its people as he went, Javi pulling the comforter off the bed to fall on the floor. He groaned as he bent down to situate everything, ending up on his knees atop the spread-out blanket when he was satisfied. His arm went over your belly, using his strength to get you to the edge of the bed in a chorus of squeaks and grunts, and let you get on your feet on the ground before he dragged you down to lay on the comforter with your head cushioned on a pillow.

Javi was back to lying on his side beside you, holding his head up on his arm to look at you with irritation written on his features, his other hand smoothing down your belly to the apex of your thighs, the slide of two thick fingers through your slit making your breath catch in your throat.

“You wore clothes to annoy me.” He pouted.

He gathered some of the wetness pooling at your opening and used it to easily swirl his digits over your sensitive clit, sparking pleasure in your belly.

“Yes,” you gasped.

“You know all the little shit that annoys the fuck out of me—like the fucking underwear and shorts.”

He was fine if you wore underwear to bed, but underwear and sleep shorts? That was too many layers for him and, frankly, you, too. His preference was for you to be naked—he loved skin-to-skin contact and having easy access when you wanted him or when he wanted you.

“I’m sorry.” You loudly gulped, the beginning of your orgasm starting to make itself known. “Please let me come.” He seemed annoyed enough. You could imagine he’d draw things out and make you beg.

His expression changed to confusion. “I’m gonna let you come, baby.” He removed his hand, a pitiful sound leaving you as you watched him suck his fingers into his mouth, hearing the swish of saliva—they came out from between his plush lips, glistening in the low light of the room, and you moaned when without any preamble he pressed those two digits into your wet entrance.

He quietly shushed you. “Gotta be quiet, Cielito,” he said. You bit your bottom lip, reveling in the slight stretch of his fingers as he pumped them slowly in and out, your eyelids fluttering shut. “You also know all the little things that make me happy—like how I prefer Mexican Coca-cola, and you do shit like make me stop at that corner store on our way to Pop’s every week to pick up three bottles.” He started moving faster, and it made you whine at how good it felt. “You love me, you care about me, and make me so fucking happy—I was really fucking happy about your yes.” He crooked his digits, sliding the pads of his fingertips along your upper wall until he hit something divine that made you gasp. “There it is.” His focus went to that spot, making sure to press against it every time he pushed inside, your vision dotting with stars at the intense pleasure. “I was really fucking happy about your yes,” he said again, the added friction of his thumb rubbing your clit, rocketing you to your end, the knot in your belly winding up so tight it was close to snapping. “Then the clothes and the fucking bed—”

“Threw off your groove,” you panted, grabbing at the blanket for something to hold onto.

“Threw off my fucking groove and pissed me off.”

“I’m sorry.” You felt so bad but were also so close to coming.

His head came forward to kiss you tenderly. “Quería hacerte el amor (I wanted to make love to you),” he murmured into your lips, and you clenched around his fingers. “Quería hacerlo bien suave, dártelo despacito (I wanted to do it softly, give it to you slowly).” His hand sped up, hearing the wet slide of his digits fucking into you, the pleasure making the muscles in your stomach tighten and tighten. He nipped at your lip. “But I’m too worked up,” he rasped. “So, now, after you’re my good girl and you come on my fingers, you’re getting put face down, ass up, and I’m gonna give you that good dick you’re entitled to as my future wife and mother of my children—and next time you’re gonna ask for it instead of pulling the passive aggressive bullshit you did tonight; I love you more than anything, but I can’t read your mind.”

“Oh, god,” you moaned, wound up so tight you were dangling on the edge.

He kissed your cheek, trailing his lips down to your ear, his words coming out deep and husky with a slight edge that brooked no room for argument, “Javi,” he corrected, “the man you’re gonna marry, who's gonna make you a mother, and right now, come.”

The tension inside you snapped, the order doing you in as you came with a loud moan Javi smothered with his mouth pressing to yours. Euphoria pulsed out from your center while your pussy squeezed his fingers hard enough that they stopped moving, his thumb gently stroking over your sensitive bundle of nerves to help you ride out your high.

He was languidly kissing you, your body pleasantly relaxed and feeling amazing.

It was wetter between your legs, your slick drenching his fingers. You slid your hands into soft strands of his hair, kissing him harder, and he groaned, grinding his hard cock into your hip for some friction, his precum streaking on your skin.

Javi pulled back, and you chased his lips. “You good?” he asked.

Your eyes opened, seeing his plush lips were red and shiny from spit. “Yeah.”

His head nodded, his loving gaze admiring every inch of your face. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” You smirked. “...and I love that I’m entitled to your good dick.”

His mouth curved in a crooked smile, removing his hand from between your legs to grab your smaller one and press it to his hot, throbbing length. “It’s yours,” he said, “and only yours, so yeah, you’re entitled to it, mi amor (my love).”

You took the girth of him in hand, and his mouth fell open as you stroked the velvety soft skin. “God, you’re so fucking hot, and you were exceptionally hot today. Like, thank you for making me come on your fingers, but I’m afraid I am going to die if you don’t put this thing inside me where it belongs.”

His dark eyes got darker. “Flip over,” he ordered.

“Don’t have to ask me twice,” you said, immediately turning over onto your stomach and getting on your knees. You leaned forward to rest your arms and head on the pillow, keeping your ass up in the air.

Pained groans sounded from Javi as he moved, knowing being on the stone-tiled floor was probably fucking up his knees and back. You grabbed the extra pillow beside the one you were on and held it back behind you. “Use this as a knee pad.”

You didn’t have to look at him to know he was frowning. “What about your knees?”

“You’re a sweetheart for worrying about my knees, but they’re fine. I want you comfy while you fuck my brains out.”

A loud sigh left him. “I should be fucking you in a bed—” There was anger in his tone, snatching the pillow from you. “—not the fucking floor.” You could feel the air moving behind you as he situated himself on the pillow. “You deserve better than the fucking floor.”

You frowned. “If you’re this mad about it, we can fuck on the chair again? Or you can bend me over the bathroom counter?”

“No.” He had shuffled close enough that his body heat was radiating against your skin, hearing him spit on his fingers, followed by wet strokes as he slicked up his cock. “This is how I want you.”

Your head was resting on your crossed arms, and you wiggled your backside. “You did say you were gonna give me that good dick while I was face down, ass up.”

His big hands grabbed your asscheeks and spread them. “Yeah, I fucking am.” A soft moan fell from your lips when you felt warm saliva land on the skin between your asshole and pussy, one of his hands sliding the tip of his cock through the spit to notch at your entrance. “I need you to be quiet.”

“I can be—” The sentence ended with you shoving your face into the pillow to muffle your moan as the tight walls of your cunt were stretched and filled with his hard, thick cock, pushing in so deep he kissed your womb.

He bottomed out, his hips connecting with the plump flesh of your ass, and it stole your breath, your head going dizzy with pleasure.

“Fuck,” he whispered, digging his fingers into your hips. “Fucking perfect.” He pulled out halfway and pushed back in. “The perfect pussy.” Now, he was rocking into you, keeping as much of himself inside you as possible while still getting some friction. “God, I love you.”

Your head turned to speak quietly, “Are you already pussy drunk?”

He swatted your asscheek. “Don’t give me shit,” he grumped. “You weren’t the only one driven crazy all fucking day.”

“I’m not giving you shit—it’s making me feel really good about myself.”

“Yeah?” His hands were gripping the globes of your ass. “You love knowing what you do to me?” he asked, sliding his dick out until just the tip was inside. He thrusted forward hard, your eyes rolling back in your head and a gasp leaving your lips. “You love the power you have over me?” he questioned, pulling out to the same point. Thrust. “That not even a second inside you, and I never wanna fucking leave.” He kept that slow, hard pace as he spoke, moving in and out. You reached one of your hands between your legs, spreading two digits around where he was spearing into you to feel how he was stretching you open. “My favorite place to put my dick.”

It was taking everything in you to hold back your moans, whimpers slipping from your throat instead from how fucking good it felt. With the way you were positioned, his cock was sliding against those spots that made your toes curl and your vision blur, having a hard time thinking, let alone speaking—his last comment somehow caused you to blurt out, “Liar.”

He was softly grunting behind you, his fingers tightening on your ass.

His pace didn’t waver. “What am I lying about?”

He really wanted an answer? It took a lot of effort for you to reply, a thin layer of sweat forming on your skin, swallowing hard before you spoke. “Your favorite—” He pushed into you, and it hit so good you moaned. “—fuck,” you tried again. “Your favorite place is my ass.” His rhythm stuttered, and he kept his groan low.

His voice was rough, “No, it’s not. That’s my second favorite—fuck, you feel so good—so fucking wet. This pussy is my favorite.” You could tell he was exciting himself. “Fucking love it—can never get enough of it.”

The swing of his hips sped up, fucking into you faster, your ass jiggling as his body collided with yours. This new tempo had you putting your face back into the cushiony pillow to dampen your moans, your fingers moving to rub at your clit, causing fire to ignite in your belly; soft grunts coming from behind you, hearing the slap of skin on skin, and the sounds wet where he was working himself into your cunt, a steady stream of your arousal dripping down his shaft to his balls slapping against your digits.

The heat at the base of your spine was growing, his dick pounding into you at a punishing pace, mewling incessantly from the onslaught. Each thrust had you seeing stars, the pleasure building you higher and higher, your belly clenching in anticipation for your impending orgasm.

It didn’t even surprise you how quickly he was working you up with the way you were pent up from watching him all day—how tempting it’d been to haul him away and fuck him, and he wasn’t disappointing you now, truly giving you the good dick you’d wanted.

The muscles in your stomach were beginning to tighten, so fucking lost in what he was doing to you and your fingers, you’d forgotten to control your volume, a big hand squeezing its way between your face and the pillow to cover your mouth.

Javi came down over your back, holding himself up on an arm while he kept fucking into you, dipping his upper body low enough his lips grazed the shell of your ear, feeling his hot, panting breaths.

“Such a good fucking girl taking it,” he breathily rasped into your ear. “Am I fucking you good? Is this the good dick you wanted?” You moaned into his palm. “Your needy little pussy just needed my cock?” He was pounding into you hard enough to make your thighs jiggle and ass shake like jello. “Turned you on watching me today? You love knowing that I’ll be a good father? That I’ll actually give a shit? That you just, fuck,” he groaned. “That you just have to say the word, and I’ll fuck a baby into you?” He was moving faster. “I’ll give you a baby—I’ll keep your perfect little pussy stuffed with my come to make sure it takes.” The sentence made you clench around him, so close to your climax you could taste it. “Is that what you want?”

You couldn’t speak, not with the way he was fucking you, unable to articulate words as he impaled you on his dick.

“Are you cock dumb, Cielito?” he asked through heavy breaths. “Am I fucking you too good? I know you’re close. Give me another, and I’ll fuck you full of me.”

Your body was trembling, right on the cusp of coming.

“Come all over my cock, baby, and I’ll fill you up. Just think, after my birthday, when I fuck my come deep inside you, I could end up knocking you up.”

Finally, you were cresting, your cunt clamping down on him hard enough, he slowed as you came with a whine, and tears leaked from your eyes. Pleasure exploded out from your core, feeling it in your fingers and toes, your mind going pleasantly blank while your chest heaved and your heart raced.

“My good girl.” He sounded pained, rolling his hips to extend your high. “You’re so fucking good to me—I fucking love you.”

He pulled out of you and removed his hand from your mouth, and you hated how empty you felt.

Groaning, he sat up on his knees.

He tapped your hip. “I need you on your back.”

His hands were gentle as he helped you in your fucked out state to get onto your back with him in the space between your spread legs. He ended up over you, with an arm beside your head, the other guiding himself back inside you in one smooth thrust that made you whimper.

Your eyes were closed, but you could feel how he surrounded you—the mass of him on top of you with those broad shoulders you loved so much.

When he started moving, he didn’t go slow, nor was he going the typical speed to chase his own high—it was something in between that had him slickly sliding in and out of your drenched pussy, hearing the wet suck of each stroke.

First, his lips found yours, kissing you while his hands sought out your own, interlacing your fingers together as he held them above your heads. Your bodies were glistening and hair damp with sweat, not caring how the skin that came in contact stuck together.

You were still feeling good from your orgasm and loved how he felt inside you, knowing this was how he originally wanted to fuck you.

“Te amo (I love you),” he said into your lips, sounding wrecked. “Te amo tanto (I love you so much). No puedo esperar a verte usando un anillo (I can’t wait to see you wearing a ring on your finger). No puedo esperar a verte embarazada (I can’t wait to see you pregnant).” His pace was quickening, his words getting breathier. “No puedo esperar a que seas mi esposa (I can’t wait for you to be my wife). No puedo esperar a que seas la madre de mi hijos (I can’t wait for you to be the mother of my children). No puedo esperar a vivir en la casa de tus sueños contigo (I can’t wait to live in the house of your dreams with you). No puedo esperar a pasar el resto de mi vida contigo (I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you). Te amo, mi Cielito, mi amor, mi vida, mi alma, mi todo (I love you, my Cielito, my love, my life, my soul, my everything).”

“God,” you softly moaned. “This is what you meant when you said querías hacerme el amor (you wanted to make love to me).” This was the only way you were okay with the phrase—it sounded very romantic in Spanish. “How do you make me fall more in love with you?” You kissed him. “It’s not fair.” Your words were muffled. “I want to be married to you and have your babies.” Your legs went around his hips, digging your heels into his flexed asscheeks to pull him closer to you each time he pushed in. “Fuck a baby into me, Javi.” He groaned at your words, his hips moving faster, finally working toward his end. “I want one so bad—I’m hoping I can get rid of my birth control tomorrow.” Which was true.

The sound he made, you’d think he’d been wounded, his strokes getting jerky, his face going into your neck as he breathed through his bared teeth until he was pushing in all the way, biting into your shoulder to muffle his ragged moan as he came. You felt as his cock thickened and pulsed, spurting hot come as deep inside you as he could get, your cunt clenching around him.

This was what you had needed all damn day, finally feeling sated at being full of him, all of him—his dick, his come—sighing happily.

He let go of your hands, and you found yourself under the comforting weight of the man you’d one day marry and have children with, sliding your fingers into the soft, thick, sweat-damp strands of his hair, making him hum and nuzzle into your throat as you lightly scratched at his scalp.

Nothing mattered when you were like this; no one else existed. There was only Javi and you, you and Javi. He was what you could feel and what you could smell. When you opened your eyes, he was what you could see; his heavy breaths were what you could hear—he was everything.

He was your everything.

Javier Peña was your today, tomorrow, next week, and next year. He was your present and future, the one you were meant to spend the rest of your days on this planet with and haunt all of eternity in the afterlife with. He was your person, the love of your life, your soulmate, and most of all, your best friend.

You were going to marry and start a family with your best friend, the man who knew you better than anyone else and loved you more, too.

Why were you ever scared about having a child when you knew he’d be by your side every step of the way and take care of you?

Because you’ve never had this kind of support or been loved like this before. You were in new territory and treading carefully, learning as you went—both of you were learning to live this new life together and figuring things out. As Javi said earlier in the day, it wasn’t going to be all sunshine and rainbows. You were going to have your ups and downs, but all that mattered was you stuck together through the good and the bad because you truly loved each other.

Time passed, the minutes going into the double digits before either of you spoke, content in your cocoon.

“Did you mean it?” he said the words into your skin.

“Did I mean what?” It took some head-turning and neck stretching to kiss his forehead.

“You wanna get rid of your birth control tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” Your fingers stroked through his hair. “I was gonna call your dad right before you came and got me for bed, but now it’s too late. I’ll leave a message on his answering machine in the morning since he’ll be working to give us a call on his lunch break so I can talk to him.”

Javi’s head popped up to look you in the eyes with a grin. “He’ll answer the first time you call.”

You frowned. “He’ll already be working by six… He won’t be home.”

He was practically vibrating with excitement. “Trust me, he’ll be home.”

Your eyes narrowed. “What do you know that I don’t know?”

“Nothing that you don’t already know—Pop really wants to be an abuelo (grandpa), and he’s on our ass about grandkids all the fucking time.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t explain him being home tomorrow…”

“Oh, yeah, I talked to him earlier and mentioned you wanted to talk to him before we finally went for it, and he got so excited, he said he’d stay home the next couple of days in case you called.”

That sounded like something Chucho would do if he knew there was a chance it’d speed up him getting his grandkids, and it warmed your heart, making you smile. “He’s the best—I love your dad.”

“He’s your dad, too—he already calls you his nuera (daughter-in-law).”

“Sure, but it feels a little sweet home Alabama saying, ‘I love our dad’ with your dick still inside me.”

A high-pitched sound came from air escaping between his lips, which he was struggling to keep closed, it sputtering into a full-on laugh, his eyes crinkling at the edges in mirth.

“That’s fucked up,” he wheezed.

You were smiling, pushing his bangs away from his face. “It’s the truth. The sentiment is sweet, but the phrasing is a real boner killer.”

“I love you.” He was calming down, adjusting his weight onto one arm in order to cradle your face in his other palm.

“I love you, too.”

The smile on his face was big and bright, a joyful chuckle leaving him as he leaned in to kiss you—something sweet, and tender, feeling his happiness with each press of his plush lips to yours.

“We’re gonna have a baby,” he said between kisses.

“I’m not pregnant yet.”

“You will be soon.” And he said it so matter of factly, with such surety, it had pleasure shivering down your spine, your cunt clenching around his softened cock, making him hiss from the overstimulation.

A shift happened, the kisses turning more fervent before he was pulling out of you and making a journey with his lips down your body, to between your legs, where he worshipped you with his mouth and tongue, your fingers tugging on his hair, biting your lip to keep yourself quiet.

After he pulled another orgasm from you, he finally seemed satisfied, and a quick shower was taken to wash the sex away from your bodies. Javi was so pissed off about the bed he refused to sleep in it how Steve had intended and instead quietly moved the furniture around, pushing an end table and the bedframe closer to the closet to give him enough space to put the mattress on the floor. It was going to be an absolute bitch to get up from in the morning, but your future husband was pleased with himself for getting around his friend trying to cockblock him, and you both were happy you weren’t plagued with any more godawful noise.

This time, you were naked when you crawled into bed with Javi, and he immediately pulled you into his arms, tangling your legs together. Exhaustion caught up to you from the long day, sleep making your eyes heavy, smiling when he kissed your forehead, then your lips, his nose nudging yours as he whispered, “I love you.”

Your thoughts had become slow, so comfortable and warm, feeling so loved and happy, you were drifting off, mumbling as you went, “I love you, too.”

The bright teal walls and floral artwork hanging on them let him know he was standing in the hallway at the back of his father’s house—his mother had chosen each piece, and his dad had hammered each nail they hung from in the spots she’d decided. In all his years in this house, he’d never seen these walls bare and loved even after all this time since his mom had passed away, his father hadn’t changed a single thing she decorated; not in this hallway, not in his parent’s bedroom, the living room, the kitchen, the entryway, the guest room; they all had a touch of her, little traces of her memory with the pictures she chose to display or the knick-knacks she left on shelves or decorations adorning the spaces.

Sounds were coming from the kitchen that told him someone was cooking—a tune he couldn’t quite make out but somehow knew playing on his mother’s favorite Spanish radio station, something frying on the stove, the dings and scrapes of cooking utensils against pots and pans—the familiarity of it making him wonder what his Cielito was making, and feeling like he was floating across the floor with how smoothly he walked toward the noises.

One moment, he was walking, the next, he was in the kitchen beside the table. His vision was soft around the edges and unfocused, but he knew the woman whose back was to him wasn’t Cielito—it was almost like she was a shadow; the shape of an adult human female with no details.

The dark figure’s head turned to look over their shoulder at him, and even without a face, he could tell they were smiling.

“Ah, mi Javiercito, estoy muy feliz de que estés aquí (Ah, my Javier, I’m so happy you’re here)!” His vision focused as she spoke and filled in those details that were missing, his mother appearing before him with her brown hair that matched his beginning to grey and the same lines on her face that were in the photo taken on his parents’ 35th anniversary. “Te he echado de menos, nene (I’ve missed you, baby boy).” She turned to face him, wearing her light pink, rose-printed apron with the ruffle trim and two big, solid dark pink pockets on the front. “Ven a ayudar a tu mamá a abrir este frasco obstinado (Come help your mom open this stubborn jar).” She held it up, and he was so transfixed with her he didn’t care to see what was in it.

“Amá (Mom),” he whispered, trying not to cry. “¿Eres tú, amá (Is that you, mom)?”

“¿Estuviste ausente por tanto tiempo que te olvidaste de tu pobre madre (Were you away for so long that you forgot about your poor mother)? Sí, soy yo (Yes, it’s me). Ahora, ayúdame a abrir este frasco (Now, help me open this jar).” She lifted the glass again. “Tu papá está trabajando y tengo que terminar de hacer la cena (Your dad is working and I need to finish making dinner). Es una gran noche para todos nosotros (It’s a big night for all of us).”

Javier took the jar and easily got the lid off with a pop as he removed it.

His mother was much shorter than him, and she reached up to grab his face, pulling him down to kiss all over his cheeks like he was a child before she held them and looked him in the eyes.

“Gracias, Javiercito (Thank you, Javier),” she said. “Estoy muy orgullosa de ti y del hombre increíble en el que te has convertido (I am so proud of you and the amazing man you have become). No sabes lo feliz que estoy de ver hacia dónde se dirige tu vida (You don’t know how happy I am to see where your life is going). No mereces nada más que felicidad (You deserve nothing but happiness). Hablando de eso, ¿cuándo llegará mi nuera favorita aquí (Speaking of which, when will my favorite daughter-in-law get here)?” She patted his cheeks. “¿Dónde está tu Cielito (Where is your Cielito)? Ella necesita estar aquí para la celebración de que tu padre y yo finalmente vamos a ser abuelos (She needs to be here for the celebration that your dad and I are finally going to be grandparents). Estoy haciendo su receta favorita de mi caja de recetas (I’m making her favorite recipe from my recipe box).”

It was so hard to speak when it felt like there was a lump in his throat.

“¿Por qué estás haciendo su receta favorita (Why are you making her favorite recipe)?” he asked thickly. “Soy tu hijo (I’m your son).”

His mom smiled. “Porque ella es la mujer increíble que hizo sonreír a mi hijo de nuevo, y lo ama tanto, sé que finalmente tendrá la vida feliz que tanto se merece (Because she is the incredible woman who made my son smile again, and loves him so much, I know he’s going to finally have the happy life he deserves).” Her smile turned mischievous. “Además, ella es mi hija favorita que nunca tuve y la madre de mis futuros nietos, así que le haré todo lo que quiera (Also, she is my favorite daughter I never had and the mother of my future grandchildren, so I will make her anything she wants.”

Suddenly, consciousness was crashing into him as he woke up, gasping on a sob, his eyes wet with tears. The room was pitch black when his eyelids lifted, lying face up atop the mattress, Cielito’s back pressed to his side with his arm draped over her bare middle, the ache in his heart making his shoulders shake as he cried away the sadness.

What he’d give for that dream to have been reality.

He couldn’t recall the last time his mother had visited him while he slept. For years after she passed away, the only time she appeared in his dreams was when he relived the last time he saw her alive as she lay on her deathbed. Over and over again, he’d sit on the edge of the hospital bed with her frail hands gripping her rosary between his, begging him to take it for her, and Javier always telling her he would and how much he loved her. Sometimes, he’d say more—he’d beg for her forgiveness for being away for so long, tell her he couldn’t live without her, and plead with her to stay a little longer because he wasn’t ready to let her go.

What he dreamt this evening was different than anything he could remember. It was jarring how real it felt, which made it hurt so much worse. He wondered why his brain chose tonight of all nights to have her visit him and say things he’d needed to hear. Maybe it was all of the big changes taking place in his life—he was moving forward, and it was a reminder she’d always be with him. What he knew for sure was it made him miss her so fucking much and hate that she wouldn’t be with his dad when he and Cielito called him this morning to tell him the news they were engaged and wanted to start their family.

Thinking about his plans for that morning, he moved his arm from over his future wife to wipe away the wetness on his cheeks and carefully sat up so he didn’t wake her, the blankets falling to pool at his waist. He twisted his upper body to look over his shoulder at the glowing red numbers on the alarm clock sitting on the bedside table pressed against the mattress-less bed frame. The alarm he set would be going off in ten minutes, so it looked like he was getting up. He leaned back and stretched his arm to turn off the alarm.

It was a smart move to put the mattress on the floor with how he was able to quietly get out of bed, his knees complaining when he stood up and made his way in the dark to the chair by the bathroom door where he set out his clothes the night before.

He’d get dressed in the bathroom, brush his teeth, do his hair, and shave. Then, he needed to do some other things before it was time to wake up the woman he loved.

His head was running through the list of shit that he had to get done, and something he kept thinking about, and he knew wasn’t rational, was how the dream felt like his mother saying hi and giving him her approval of who he was going to marry from beyond the grave.

As he said, it wasn’t rational, but it made him really fucking happy.

The tickle of his mustache as he kissed along your shoulder had you waking. His warm hand was rubbing along your arm while he whispered into your skin, “Wake up, Cielito. It’s time to get up, mi amor (my love). We gotta get going, baby.”

“Mmm,” you hummed with a smile. He was on top of the blankets behind you. “What time is it?” you murmured.

“Half past five.”

“In Laredo or Miami?”

You could feel him smile. “Miami.”

The answer made you groan. “That’s four-thirty at home—why are we waking up at five-thirty on vacation?”

“If you get up, you’ll find out.”

You were frowning. “Is everyone else getting up, too?”

“No.”

“What, are you making me breakfast before they wake up or something?”

“No.”

“Are we going someplace at the asscrack of dawn?”

He huffed out an amused breath. “Yes.”

That had you wondering where in the world he’d take you so early.

“Will there be food?”

“Yes.”

He probably wanted to take you alone to some local diner he used to go to when he’d visit, so it was best to leave while everyone else was sleeping.

The thought of coffee and breakfast had you saying, “Fine, I’m getting up.”

“Thank you, Cielito.” He placed one last kiss on your shoulder and moved to get up with a groan. You stretched under the warm covers, blinking open your eyes to see the bathroom light was on with the door cracked, and Javi was fully dressed, yawning as you threw back the blankets.

He helped pull you up from the mattress, and as you walked toward the bathroom, you asked, “Will leggings and a t-shirt be okay, or is there a dress code?”

“Whatever you’ll be comfortable in is fine.”

“Mmkay.”

After taking care of your needs in the en suite, it took some minutes to get ready, ending up in some black leggings and an oversized coral-colored t-shirt with minty breath and your hair done.

The two of you were quiet as you made your way out of the house, stopping to put on your shoes and Javi locking the front door with a key on his keyring as you left.

The sky outside was dark, the street lights offering an orangish glow. Javi was wearing a white button-up under his black leather jacket and jeans, and you were still feeling a bit groggy when you got in the SUV, unable to keep from yawning. He laced his fingers with yours on your thigh, and even though there was a center console separating you both, you leaned your head against his arm as you hugged it, street lights and the headlights of morning commuters passing you as you made your way down the roads with the radio softly playing.

Between the signs on the highway and glimpses of the ocean, it wasn’t much of a surprise when Javi pulled over to the side of the road near a beach access point in Miami Beach forty-five minutes later. It still wasn’t clicking what you were doing there so early in the morning, though. A big bank of dirt covered in bushes kept the water out of view, with some palm trees and a street lamp standing high above near the entrance.

“I thought you said there’d be food?” you said, not even attempting to keep the confusion out of your tone.

“Trust me.” He kissed your hair, untangling your hands as he put the vehicle in park and switched it off.

“Okay… I didn’t bring a jacket.”

Javi met your eyes, the overhead lights coming on when he removed the keys. “Don’t worry. I’ve got you, mi amor. Now, come with me, please.” He didn’t even look tired, his gaze bright and hopeful.

“Okay.” You unbuckled your seatbelt, and he smiled, doing the same.

What was a surprise was when you went to see what he was getting out of the trunk, and he pulled out a big bundled-up blanket and full tote bag that clinked as he moved. You closed the back of the SUV without him having to ask.

“Javi?”

He had started walking, and you followed, the air surprisingly warm for how early it was.

“Yes, Cielito?”

“Did you bring me to the beach for a breakfast picnic?”

“Yes.”

You followed him down the path lined with tall grass, bushes, and trees, your feet sinking into the sand as you walked, hearing the waves in the distance—on the beach, you looked around, not seeing any other people, just miles upon miles of sand, and wondered to yourself with how sweet this whole thing was if Javi would let you suck his dick. Thankfully, he didn’t make you walk far, taking you to a circular alcove at the base of the hill where it indented in, the grass and raised land along the sides shielding you from view at those angles.

He set down the bag and spread out the blanket, stepping onto it, and you watched as he lowered himself down to sit on his ass with his legs spread a little out in front of him. He made you giggle when he tugged you by the arm and pulled you down into his lap, ending up across it, his head turning to look at you with a smile, the same expression on your face.

“You stupidly romantic man,” you said, stroking your fingers over his smooth cheek.

“You love that I’m stupidly romantic.” He kissed your palm.

“Yes, I do—like, if you wanted me to, I’d suck your dick right this second. A beach breakfast picnic deserves an out-in-public blow job.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re gonna get us arrested.”

“Hey, I can’t help that it makes me horny when you’re stupidly romantic. My only complaint is how early it is. Aside from that, everything else is lovely.”

His lips dipped into a frown. “I’m, uh, sorry I can’t make the sun rise later…”

Your eyes rounded. “Oh my fucking god,” you breathed. “We’re here to watch the sunrise. I’m so fucking stupid.”

“Why else would I get you up at the asscrack of dawn?”

“Sex,” you answered immediately.

His eyebrow went up. “Did we fuck?”

“No.” You shook your head. Warmth was moving through your veins, feeling the fuzzy happiness. “Because you brought me to the beach for a breakfast picnic and to watch the sunrise!” Moving, you straddled his thighs, taking his face in your hands as you crashed your mouth to his, kissing him like your life depended on it. His arms went around your back to pull you into him, his mouth opening when you eagerly pressed your tongue inside to slide against his, rocking your hips.

The need to breathe became too much, and his lips went to your chin to travel along your jaw in wet streaks.

“I love you so much, Javi,” you panted. “I wish I could do something as special as this for you.”

“You did.” He sucked on your neck, and you moaned.

“I did?”

His head came up to meet your gaze. “Yeah, when you learned how to make mi mamá’s tamales.”

“Oh.”

“You’re stupidly romantic, too.”

It never crossed your mind that making him his mother’s tamale recipe would come across as stupidly romantic—you’d just wanted him to have some comfort on his tough first day at his new job.

“Well, fuck, we’re both a couple of stupidly romantic fools.”

He smiled big as he laughed, giving you a quick kiss.

“Yes, we are. Turn around, baby, and watch the sunrise.” He nodded toward it.

“Bossy.” You gave him a peck on the lips and turned around to sit between his legs, with your back to his front.

A cool gust from the ocean hit you, causing goosebumps to rise on your skin and making you shiver; staring off at the horizon and the dim sky colored in a fiery red where it met the water, lightening to yellow, then a soft blue as it rose.

Javi’s upper body was moving behind you. “Lean forward a little,” he said.

You tilted forward slightly, and he placed his leather jacket on your shoulders, feeling the weight of it and warmth on the inside from his body heat as it covered your arms and back.

Leaning back with your head on his shoulder, you turned to kiss his jaw. “Thank you.”

He hugged around your belly, shoving his face in your neck. “You’re welcome.” His words were muffled.

“What’s in the bag?” you asked.

He squeezed you a little tighter for a second.

“Thermos of coffee, some coffee cups, croissants, donut holes, berries, and cut-up pineapple.”

It was getting brighter, and you were enjoying watching the waves rolling.

“How in the world did you prepare all of that?”

“Connie—she bought everything, had the coffee pot set to be ready when I got up before you, and all I had to do was cut up the pineapple and pack everything.”

“Connie’s the best.”

His chin was resting on your shoulder.

“She is. Are you enjoying the trip?”

“Yes,” you answered truthfully. “Your friends are great, and I’d love to visit again.”

“Good.”

The sky had erupted in bright yellows, oranges, and reds the closer the sun got to appearing.

“It’s so beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you,” he said, taking your left hand in his, his other arm staying around your middle.

In the past, if he said such a thing, you’d snort or deny the compliment, but you’ve been with him long enough to know it wasn’t just him saying words—he meant it. If you asked him if he’d rather watch the sunrise or look at you, he’d choose option two because he was so unbelievably in love with you there was nothing or nobody more beautiful to him; he didn’t even look at other women, or if you pointed out one was attractive, he sounded so uninterested, with his, ‘Sure,’ or, ‘I guess,’ before he got flirty and told you how you were hotter.

This man was obsessed with you, and it was the greatest feeling in the world to feel so wanted. Your insecurities would never disappear, but he did his best to ensure you knew he loved all of you, including your flaws and the things you hated. He was perfect, and sometimes you couldn’t believe he was yours.

You grabbed his hand on your stomach. “My sweet man, I’m literally the happiest girl in the world. I don’t know how I got so lucky meeting you,” you said, sighing wistfully. “You came into my life with those beautiful brown eyes, that perfect mustache, and those tight-ass jeans, and I was a goner. You take up my every thought, and second, and hour, and everywhere I look, it’s you who comes to mind—it’s always you. God, I get lost in your eyes, your smile, and your voice. I get lost just thinking about them. I am so in love with you, Javi, that I miss you constantly. You can be in another room, and I miss you. You can be sitting on the other end of the couch, and I miss you. What I’m trying to say, Javier, is that I love you and am as obsessed with you as you are with me and that I know, to you, I am more beautiful than what we’re looking at.”

Emotion made his words rough. “I’m happy you finally believe me.” He kissed your hair.

“I do. I definitely do.”

He cleared his throat. “Can I say my stupidly romantic shit now?”

You laughed, the sun just beginning to peek in the distance, the colors of the sky reminding you of the opening scene in The Lion King. “Yes,” you answered.

He cleared his throat. “Mi Cielito, eres mi primer amor y mi último, mi media naranja y la mujer con la que voy a pasar el resto de mi vida (My Cielito, you are my first love and my last, my soulmate, and the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with). Yo te pertenezco (I belong to you). Todo de mí es tuyo (All of me is yours). Mi presente, mi futuro, te pertenece (My present, my future, belongs to you). Eres con quien quiero compartir mi vida, y con quien quiero pasar por los buenos momentos y malos (You are the one I want to share my life with and the one I want to go through the good times and bad with). Me haces un mejor hombre y me haces querer ser un mejor hombre que merece a alguien tan increíble como tú (You make me a better man, and you make me want to be a better man who deserves someone as incredible as you).

“Sabía que eras la unica desde el momento en que nos conocimos (I knew you were the one from the moment we met). Sentí una conexión contigo (I felt a connection with you)—por la primera vez, sentí paz y sé que era mi alma encontraba su pieza faltante (for the first time I felt peace and I know it was my soul finding its missing piece). Sabía que iba a casarme contigo en nuestra tercera cita mientras bailábamos en tu cocina, y si soy honesta conmigo mismo, sabía que te amaba entonces, también (I knew I was going to marry you on our third date while we were dancing in your kitchen, and if I’m honest with myself, I knew I loved you then, too)—las palabras estuvieron pegadas a la punta de mi lengua durante semanas antes de que las dijera en voz pero supe durante tanto tiempo que tú eras para mí (the words were stuck to the tip of my tongue for weeks before I said them out loud, but I knew for so long that you were it for me).”

Tears fell down your cheeks, hearing and watching the waves crashing, the sun rising in the flaming sky as the backdrop.

“It’s not fair your stupidly romantic shit is making me cry,” you sniffed.

He kissed the side of your neck, his right hand on your tummy moved up to cup your left cheek, swiping at some of the wetness with his thumb.

“Lo siento por hacerte llorar, pero no he terminado (I’m sorry for making you cry, but I’m not finished).”

“Please continue. It’s not like you’ll make me cry any harder.”

You could hear him smiling when he started talking again. “Mi sueño para donde estaremos en cinco años es que estemos casados, viviendo en la casa de sus sueños que he construido para ti, rodeado de tantos niños como quieras, que estemos criando juntos (My dream for where we’ll be in five years is that we’re married, living in your dream home that I’ve built for you, surrounded by as many kids as you want that we’re raising together). Quiero eso (I want that). Quiero que eso se convierta en una realidad (I want that to become a reality). Quiero hacer mis sueños realidad y convertirme en tu esposo (I want to make my dreams come true and become your husband).”

Gasping, your head turned to look at him, his hand leaving your face, realizing this was a proposal.

“Javi,” you whispered, your breath stuttering as teardrops streamed down your cheeks, your lip trembling. “Are we practicing?”

There’d been a few practice proposals, the rules for the real thing being that Javi had to do it, and there needed to be a ring. Being on the beach, with the rolling waves and the rising sun, made this the perfect location and time for him to do it, but there didn’t seem to be a ring…

“Sigue mirando el amanecer, mi amor (Keep watching the sunrise, my love).”

With a nod, you faced forward again and immediately jolted in shock, your palm covering your mouth, stifling your loud gasp.

In front of you, Javi held up with one hand an open white leather ring box containing a gold band with a decent-sized princess cut diamond in the middle and two smaller ones on either side.

It was beautiful.

And he was actually doing it.

This was the real thing.

It was finally happening, and your body was shaking with sobs, the tears from earlier turning into full-on ugly crying because you were so happy and overcome with emotion.

“Te amo tanto, para siempre no sería suficiente tiempo para pasar contigo (I love you so much forever wouldn’t be enough time to spend with you),” Javi continued, sounding choked up. “Soy tuyo hasta que respire por la última vez, y seguiré siendo tuyo cuando mi alma deje esta tierra (I am yours until my last breath, and I will still be yours when my soul leaves this earth). La muerte no nos mantendrá separados (Death won’t keep us apart); Nos volveremos a encontrar (We’ll meet again). Buscaré en el cosmos y en los cielos hasta encontrarte porque no puedo vivir sin ti (I will search the cosmos and the heavens until I find you because I cannot live without you); eres mi otra mitad, mi media naranja, y me haces completo (you are my other half, my soulmate, and you make me whole). No hay yo sin ti (There is no me without you).”

“Me haces feliz de una manera que nadie más puede (You make me happy in a way that no one else can). Me haces sentir amado (You make me feel loved). Te preocupas por mí, y por todo eso, tienes todo mi amor y total devoción, y quiero dedicarte cada pieza de mí mismo, cuerpo y alma a ti (You care about me, and for all that, you have all of my love and total devotion, and I want to dedicate every piece of myself, body and soul, to you). Mi Cielito, mi amor, mi vida, mi alma, mi todo ¿me hariás el hombre más feliz del mundo, te casarías conmigo (My Cielito, my love, my life, my soul, my everything, you’d make me the happiest man in the world, will you marry me)?”

Nodding your head, you answered through tears, “¡Por supuesto que sí (Yes, of course)! ¡Un millón de veces sí (A million times, yes)!”

He paused for a second. “Really?” he asked softly.

His surprise sobered you up to the point you frowned and stopped crying, shaking off his hand holding yours to turn around, sitting on your knees between his legs.

His eyes were rimmed with red, tear tracks streaking beneath them down his cheeks. You held his face in your hands, your gaze on his.

“Now, you listen here, Javier Jesús Peña López: I. Am. Marrying. You. You proposed with a ring, and I said yes. I. Said. Yes.” You poked him in the middle of the chest. “We’re getting married. I want to marry you, so please put that gorgeous fucking ring on my finger so we can make out.”

“Right, shit,” he said, fumbling to take the ring out in front of you, the box falling once he had it between his fingers. He grabbed your left hand, sliding the ring onto your ring finger, and it fit perfectly.

You were staring at it, the diamonds sparkling in the early morning light.

“It’s so beautiful,” you said, your vision muddled from the water brimming in your eyes.

“It was my mom’s.”

Your gaze snapped to his. “Your mom’s?”

He was smiling softly. “Yeah. She would’ve wanted you to have it, and Pop agreed; he had it cleaned the day after he met you.” His hand held yours, sliding his thumb over the ring, and you wept, the teardrops slowly falling. “He gave me his blessing to have it altered because the original center diamond was very modest—he worked on the ranch for the previous owner in high school to help out mis abuelos (my grandparents), and once he realized he was going to marry my mom, he started saving a little bit of his paychecks for years until he had enough to buy her a ring he felt proud about her wearing; he wanted me to feel proud when you showed it off, too. The rest is the same aside from being adjusted to your size.”

You were looking down at where his thumb was moving over each diamond, back and forth, knowing the ring's history making you feel incredibly emotional.

“She wore this?”

“Yeah.”

Your shoulders shook. “It’s perfect,” you said. “She’ll always be with us.”

Javi had tears wetting his cheeks as he smiled. “Yeah, she will.”

The sentiment had the floodgates letting loose and made you start to bawl, throwing your arms around his neck and shoving your face in his throat as you hugged him, his arms wrapping around you to hold you close. He comforted you while you happily sobbed.

You were just so unbelievably happy with everything that happened—the proposal was better than you ever could have dreamed, and the fact he’d done it with his mother’s ring was making you an absolute mess. It meant so much to you that Chucho and Javi felt Antonia would want you to have it, silently promising her as you held her son that for as long as you lived, he would be loved, cherished, and you’d take good care of him.

When you finally started calming down, you said into his skin, sounding stuffed up, “There’s not this much gross crying when people get engaged on TV or in movies. Like, who’d wanna make out with someone whose face is wet from snot and tears?”

He chuckled, rubbing a hand along your spine. “I would.”

Sitting up, you met his eyes with a frown. “I feel too icky.”

“Hold on.” He leaned to dig into the tote bag beside him and brought out a small square box of tissues, presenting it to you.

“Connie?” you asked as you pulled two from the top.

“Yeah.”

You were wiping your face. “We should get her a fruit basket—one of the fancy chocolate-dipped ones.” The tissues were discarded for another to blow your nose, thinking this had to be the peak of romance.

“We’ll do that. I was gonna get Steve a nice bottle of whiskey, but with what he did to the bed, he’s not getting shit now.” The box of tissues was set down.

You snorted, your face finally clean and hands free. “You’ll get back at him somehow. Now—” You moved to straddle his lap with your arms going over his shoulder and fingers threading into his hair. “—I’d like to make out with my fiancé.” His white collar caught your attention. “I’m surprised for such a special occasion, you didn’t match your shirt to mine.”

He was smirking, his hands coming up to slide along your cheeks before cradling them. “It’s because—” Gently, he pulled you forward, kissing the tip of your nose, then nuzzling it with his own. “—I’m wearing the same outfit I wore on our first date.” His lips found yours in a passionate kiss, remembering him sitting in the bar on your first date in his white button-up under the black leather jacket and jeans, and that it was exactly what he wore here—all of the thought he put into this morning making you go so soft you were practically goo as you melted into him, pressing yourself closer, and allowing his tongue to plunder your mouth.

Happiness was wafting off the both of you, the sun shining in an orange glow behind you as the waves crashed and rolled.

Javier Peña was your person—he was the love of your life, your soulmate, your best friend, and his newest title, your fiancé.

Prev - Next - Series Masterlist - Main Masterlist

Thank you for reading! If you’d like to be tagged in my fics, please fill out the form in my bio, on my masterlist, or just let me know! 

#pedro pascal #javier peña #Javier Peña/reader #javier peña x reader #javier peña x you #javier peña x y/n #wheresarizona writes #learning to live series

[sprite-writes-fanfic]

Hello, I was wondering if you could do either 2003-2012 or bayverse headcanons or scenario with a crush reader that is emotionally a bit like Raphael? They are a bit more friendly than him and equally funny, kinda over independent on the “being taken care of” department, gets guilty and either lashes off or exclude themselves out of situations when they are anxious or feel overwhelmed by being “a problem”, doesn’t know how to lower their guard , neither believe they are worthy of someone’s heart, but deep inside they are affectionate and very loving (literally Raphael lol)

Hopefully this makes sense, if not (or if you don’t like the request) you can just ignore it

Thank you and have a good day / night

I will try my best anon! 🫡 Gonna do Bayverse because I feel like it would fit more for this scenario! (Also I fucking love the Bayverse turtles and I feel like I should start including them along with other turtle interpretations <3)

⚠️ Requests are closed, I am just putting out requests that I got before I closed them! Have 2 more to post out, posting another one today. Working on the other one currently as well. I will not do other requests until I’m off break, asks are still open though!

Lean On Me

🐢💙❤️Bayverse TMNT x Reader💜🧡🐢

Word Count: 692

CW: Gender neutral reader, referred mainly as ‘you’, probably not on-point with what anon wants but I tried my best TvT, sorry if this isn’t exactly what you asked for anon 🙏, fluff!

🐢💙Leonardo💙🐢

💙 You and Leo will probably bump heads quite a bit with this stubborn nature of ‘not needing help’. My dude will not stand for it, he will help and protect you, no if’s and’s or but’s. Anytime you try to exclude yourself, he’s joining you, doesn’t want you to feel alone ever.

💙 Anytime you lash out he just takes it. He literally fights with Raph all the time. Will let you cool down, give you much needed space, then ask you to meditate with him to help clear your mind of these negative emotions.

💙 Will sit down with you multiple times and have talks with you, each time finally getting closer and closer to how you feel. Has the patience of a god and will wait as long as he can, don’t test him he’ll wait as long as he can. When you finally open up about how you feel, he’s good at reassuring you that he’s doing this because he wants to and because he cares for you. Is sure to give you words of affirmation every day until you finally feel comfortable to bring your walls down with him. And trust me when I say he definitely mentally celebrates, many kisses were given the day you did.

🐢❤️Raphael❤️🐢

❤️ Raph gets it, he really does, you’re a little more friendlier than him, but when you lash out he sees himself in you. He goes to you a lot to help you talk, and sometimes in return he’ll talk to you too. Therapy for each other.

❤️ Probably the quickest of the brothers to work you through these issues. Again, he gets it because when he looks at you and how you act based on your emotions, he can only see himself, and he doesn’t want you to go through a lot of emotional pain he went through.

❤️ Big old cuddle bug with you, once both of your shells are broken through. Doesn’t really leave you alone often either so you don’t dwell on these negative thoughts and try to close yourself off again. Anxious thoughts can lead to overthinking and he knows that pretty well.

🐢💜Donatello💜🐢

💜 Donnie is a little awkward in the emotional department, (and I honestly say that for every Donnie, not always the best in the emotional-department), so he’s kinda having a hard time here. Doesn’t mean he isn’t trying though. He’s trying to give you the right words in order to help.

💜 But he does what he doesn’t usually do, listen. He’ll hear you out if you ever finally break down your walls, and he won’t interrupt because it’s important to him to know how you feel. He’ll work on solutions when you’re done.

💜 He really does care about you, but when it comes to being lashed out at or you trying to exclude yourself, it kinda catches him off guard. But he stays on it, he lives with Raph after all. Has pretty good patience with you and will keep that patience going for as long as he can push it. Overall, he does pretty well and has a lot of patience, and will put his gadgets to the side for you.

🐢🧡Michelangelo🧡🐢

🧡 Mikey’s happy that you’re more on the friendlier side at the very least, but he kinda flinches back at the times you lash out. But no worries, he’s persistent. Surprisingly goes for advice from his brothers and his father and actually listens.

🧡 Will approach you with this newfound information and tries to be as reassuring as possible with you, though please do forgive him when he messes up, he’s trying so hard for you. :(

🧡 Always by your side a lot of the time and is always reassuring, he’s getting you to do stuff with him to keep your mind off the ‘what if-’ not here honey, not gonna happen. He’s a lot of fun and with him it kinda makes your negative emotions and thoughts melt away before you're smiling and laughing with him. The day you finally cuddle and kiss him, I think he actually kinda starts to tear up. He’s proud of you, truly, and he’s happy that his Angelcakes is comfortable enough with him.

#sprite writes #fanfic #tmnt x reader #bayverse tmnt #tmnt bayverse #tmnt bayverse x reader #bayverse tmnt x reader #bayverse leonardo #bayverse raphael #bayverse donatello #bayverse michelangelo #bayverse raph x reader #bayverse leo x reader #bayverse donnie x reader #bayverse mikey x reader #leo x reader #raph x reader #donnie x reader #mikey x reader #tmnt leonardo x reader #tmnt raphael x reader #tmnt donatello x reader #tmnt michelangelo x reader

[celestialtarot11]

Discussing the misconception of Pluto + more 🧘‍♀️🌟

Hi friends! A post I read talked about Pluto and its misconception in the western astrology community, and I will say I agree. I always thought of Pluto as subconsciously deep, primal, traumatic and the planet that takes away our power. The most vulnerable moments where we have just ourselves. There isn’t anything sexual about that process. There isn’t anything remotely sexual about going through circumstances that involve trauma releasing. And nothing sexy about recovery/healing from any kind of loss associated with Pluto.

It’s understandable individuals with Pluto aspects have an intensity to them, but to sexualize that and to not see beyond that intensity takes away from the true meaning of Pluto. Such individuals carry intense experiences and have roots that go deep.

Shedding light on these aspects:

Sun-Pluto individuals experience turbulence in the ego, personality, power and drive. Constantly these natives are tested, their strength and resilience especially. The native experiences situations which they feel powerless physically, mentally and emotionally.

Moon-Pluto aspects experience a loss of emotional bonding and comfort. The native struggles to connect with themselves carrying a pit of loneliness so deep, it feels like it’ll swallow them whole. Often associated with abandonment wounding, since the native feels little to no emotional permanence within themselves after a loss. Trauma taught them to disconnect from inner stability and safety.

Pluto-Venus experience power dynamic in their relationships. Protective mechanisms come up in the native to shield themselves, or they completely give themselves up to the people around them. Learned about extremes too young, and operate from one end or the other. All or nothing. Codependent as a way to keep the love in their life, even though the very same thing they love is destroying them. Chooses people who abandon them as a way to fulfill a self fulfilling prophecy, that they are not good enough and no one will love them.

Mars-Pluto has been through physical conflict of some kind. Health issues most likely. Some natives I knew encountered being in the hospital at some point. Their mind is at war and the native experienced aggression from others, and authorities failed to protect the native. Most of authority in their life wanted control over the native. The native experiences this in love as well, choosing people who are aggressive or extreme. Unless the native heals, it’s a cycle.

To know about someone sexually, their drive and behavior, look towards the Mars and Venus. Both discuss how the native experiences pleasure and loves to receive. Mars being the lust, animalistic, and primal side of the native, and Venus the sensual passionate, and compassionate side. Both planets arguably deal with our primal instincts, but Mars can be aggressive in its approach and strong, wanting to conquer, whilst Venus creates connection and is not necessarily about the self. Mars creates temptation, Venus soothes and nurtures.

Mars for men.

Venus for women.

You may wonder why then are Scorpios so sexual? It’s because they are ruled by Mars. You’re not wrong that Scorpios are sexual, but the way you look at the reason why is not inherently true. It isn’t because Pluto, the planet of subconscious trauma is making Scorpios sexual. It’s their Martian nature.

Something important to talk about is Gemini. Gemini Venus specifically, but this goes for all Gemini placements. Gemini placements are not superficial by nature, in fact seeing them only through one lenses is harmful. Gemini’s are incredibly smart, intelligent, and harbor knowledge. Ruled by Mercury, quite literally the planet of gaining knowledge efficiently, and communicating that, putting it out there. Gemini’s are observant. Knowledge is not free, you have to pay attention consistently and Gemini’s are aware of this in their true nature. Whilst Jupiter rules gaining knowledge and wisdom, Mercury denotes using it efficiently and effectively. Mercury is the way in which we teach others and we are taught to learn. Our learning style.

Gemini Venus & Gemini placements have the ability to see beyond their current circumstances, because they are agile thinkers. They know the next step intuitively, because their mind is adept to receiving and recognizing information. Gemini’s are painted as manipulative for seeing the truth and seeing beyond face value, when in reality Gemini’s understand the value of truth and perspective.

In esoteric astrology, Gemini is comfortable in Venus because Gemini knows the value of communication and the interchange of energy in love. With Gemini being ruled by Mercury, which is the way we expand our spiritual perception, it’s the beginning of exploring beyond our ego (the sun) Gemini is a process of spiritual connection, and through Gemini, we experience the soul and unconditional love. Without exploration, we’d never know what was there. So, Gemini is not a result, rather it’s the part and process to the gateway of our souls.

There is so much more to Gemini and every zodiac sign than ya’ll think! ✨🌟☀️

Moving on, associating the 8th house with sex. This house is associated with loss, grief, and trauma in traditional astrology and Vedic. It also indicates ones past life karma in Vedic astrology. It also deals with occult knowledge, spiritual insight and growth. Therefore it has no bearing sexually, as it does not relate to procreation of a child as traditional astrology intended. It’s the house of endings.

Many astrologers think the 8th house is associated with sex because they view it as a taboo act, or see it as something hidden and private.

Look to the 5th house to see sexual pleasures instead! Sex should be a reciprocal energy, not associated with loss of any kind (8h) to me, I don’t see how sex should be associated with the 8h of loss and grief.

I would love to continue this for the signs, but it would be too long to make in one post. For now, this is what I have! I appreciate any support given to this blog, and feel free to comment your feedback as it’s highly appreciated. Thank you for coming to my ted talk 🤝

#devi post #astrology community #astrology #tarotcommunity #divination #tarot deck #tarot #witchcraft #tarot reading #astrology observations #astro posts #astrology notes #astro notes

[takeme-totheworld]

Aziraphale and Forgiveness, Pt 1: Not Just A Word

This series is now complete! Here's where you can find the other parts.

Part 2 here. Part 3 here. Part 4 here.

There are a lot of aspects to Aziraphale’s character that, when I first watched the show, I vibed with immediately without really thinking too hard about why. He just made deep emotional sense to me as a character. It wasn’t until I waded into the fandom that I realized how much metaphorical ink was being spilled over the question “Why does Aziraphale do the things he does?”

I would always think, “Well, that’s obvious, isn’t it?” but then find that I didn’t really have the words to explain why I thought it was obvious. It was just this ongoing feeling of “Well sure, that’s exactly the kind of thing I did/would have done as a born-and-raised evangelical teenager.” But then I would try to articulate the actual reasons younger-me would have had for doing the thing (and by extension, what I assumed Aziraphale’s reasons were) and immediately fumble because I hadn’t thought it through that far.

One of these elements of his character is his whole deal about forgiveness. Why is he always telling Crowley he forgives him or wishing for God to forgive him? Why is forgiveness one of his favorite things? Why is this such a prominent theme with his character?

(Me: Well, that’s obvious, isn’t it? Everyone else: What do you mean? Me: …uhhh well I definitely mean something, but yes, good question!)

So here’s my attempt at actually using my words to explain why I find this aspect of his character extremely relatable and realistic from an ex-religious-fundie perspective. And it's going to be in multiple parts because I have way too much to say.

The main point I want to make in this first part is that Aziraphale, like Crowley, has a ton of emotional baggage around the subject of forgiveness.

I see a lot of people ask things like "Why isn't Aziraphale more sensitive to the fact that forgiveness is an emotional hot button for Crowley, who fell?" And that's a fair question! But it's very clear to me whenever I watch the show that forgiveness is also an emotional hot button for Aziraphale, or else he wouldn't keep bringing it up. As with many of the things both characters have issues around, though, with Aziraphale it's less straightforward and less on the surface because of the amount of denial and rationalization his character runs on.

I think it's important to start here, because I firmly believe that when he expresses forgiveness:

He's not saying it glibly or meaninglessly.

He's not saying it because he's an angel and it's part of the brand/that's what angels are "supposed" to say.

He's not saying it because he's feeling smug and self-satisfied*.

He's not saying it because he's trying to put himself above the person he's forgiving.

He's saying it because forgiveness means something important to him, something very emotionally loaded and complicated.

*For the record, Aziraphale is 100% a smug, self-satisfied, holier-than-thou bastard sometimes. Exhibit A:

Seriously. Look at how pleased with himself he is while he gives Crowley that little speech about evil containing the seeds of its own destruction. This is Aziraphale being a smug bastard. (I say that with affection. It's one of my favorite Aziraphale moments. But he's totally talking shit here.)

But compare that to these:

Look at his face. He is not feeling pleased with himself (or anything) in these moments. I'm too low-tech to mess with video clips but it's the same with his tone of voice, which ranges from somber to devastated depending on the specific scene. Aziraphale brings up forgiveness when he's experiencing significant emotional distress.

This is already super long so I'm going to end this part here and start digging into what I think his specific damage is about forgiveness in the next post. But I wanted to start here because I've seen the take "Aziraphale is being a superior holier-than-thou prick when he forgives Crowley" several times.

(ETA: I’ve also seen the more positive take, “Aziraphale is just saying I love you the way an angel would,” and I also disagree with this because I don’t think it’s anywhere near that simple. But I digress.)

On the “superior holier-than-thou prick” interpretation: (1) Michael Sheen's acting choices in these scenes don't bear that out at all, and (2) as someone who was raised in a very toxic religious community from which I inherited a lot of Extremely Complicated Feelings about forgiveness that I'm still grappling with...I immediately saw a kindred spirit in Aziraphale in these moments.

Is it an ill-advised thing to say to Crowley of all people, especially that last time? Obviously. But is he being purposely cutting with his words when he says it? I think not.

Stay tuned for Part 2! I plan to write the next part about divine punishment and mercy in Good Omens, how powerless all the angels and demons in this world really are, and the beliefs Aziraphale has developed (especially about forgiveness) to cope with it all.

#good omens #good omens meta #character analysis #aziraphale #forgiveness #i forgive you

[madtomedgar]

something i think gets dropped a lot in fandom discussions is the category of stories that both operate within a particular moral framework and are uncomfortable with it. there’s probably a word for this and i’m not articulating this super well but.

i think modern western storytelling, particularly the kind of stories that attract fandom type interactions, either have a morality system that the narrative wholeheartedly agrees with and has set up as “good,” which is being challenged by an outside “evil” (think lotr) or the system is framed as immoral, and our heroes see through that and overthrow the system to establish a reign of “good,” (start wars, original flavor).

And there are other kinds of storytelling around systems of morality. in western lit/media, they usually belong to more serious, high-brow works that don’t work well with fandom. but the kind of framework i’m talking about is one that also shows up in antigone. in that, there is a set way that Creon has to act, as a good ruler. If he doesn’t act this way, he isn’t a good ruler. And there’s a set way that Antigone has to act to be a good sister. And those two goals are at deep odds, so you wind up with Creon doing the right thing but also doing something so deeply wrong, and Antigone doing the wrong thing to do what’s right. And there’s a read here that’s like. Creon was sticking too closely to the letter of the law and therefore couldn’t see what was really right, like Antigone did, and so is a tragic villain. But you can also read them as both being right, and being unable to resolve that.

And in discussions of mdzs/cql, I feel like I see a lot of either people deciding that society and its moral requirements are bad, and the protagonist who rebels against them is good, OR people upholding the societal moral requirements against the protagonist in a way even the story doesn’t. Because what Wei Wuxian does in leaving the Jiang sect and breaking his promise is wrong for the society of the story. But it’s also true that he’s doing the right thing by protecting the Wens, and the problems with his brother are that they can’t resolve the issue of them both being right in incompatible ways.

And like. Taking revenge for your family by killing the entire family of the people who wronged you is socially acceptable, but I don’t think you can say that the story is happy about it. Being a good and obedient child is a social moral requirement, and the story isn’t framing telling your parents who suck to go fuck themselves, or having them fucked to death, as good. Instead it’s wrestling with the question of what happens when your parents abuse that loyalty and affection, or don’t accept it? What the fuck are you supposed to do when you have to both can’t inter a traitor in the city but you have to bury your family honorably? And there isn’t a neat answer!

Like... Wei Wuxian does owe the Jiangs, and also the handling of that debt is disastrous and unfair to everyone. Jin Guangyao is being a very good son, and therefore a very bad man, until he becomes a terrible son and then a good man (as in once he’s out from under his father, he chooses to do things that enhance the common good for no benefit to himself, and puts a stop to the demonic cultivation experiments that used live people, and generally seems to perform the role of a wise and good leader. I’m not saying what he did to his father or the sex workers was good because it wasn’t, though it is fun narratively). Wen Ning is a traitor to the man who took him in and raised him and to his sect, and he’s also a member of that sect with a potential moral obligation to take revenge, and he did the right thing by helping the Jiangs out. But it was also very much the wrong thing.

And so much of this push and pull and discomfort with, but not rejection of, this moral system is bound up in conflicting moral obligations, to parents, to individuals, to sects, to leaders, and what happens when they conflict. But it’s important, I think, that it’s not actually a rejection of these obligations and their weight. Yeah.

#untamed stuff #long post #idk if this makes sense but have it anyway

[gojos-thot-patrol]

Can we have some NANAMIN~~ hehehe

Nanami Kento, Jealousy, “Isn’t your boyfriend in the other room?”

Ya'll can ALWAYS have some Nanami, he is ALWAYS on the menu 💛💛💛

Now Presenting...

Starring: A very jealous Nanami Kento

This party fucking sucked. The house smelled like litter box, the vibe was disgusting, and the drinks were as weak as the music choice. Though, all of those reasons kinda paled in comparison to the real reason this party sucked for Nanami: You had brought your new boyfriend here. Not that he cared. It was fine. He was in your bed less than a week ago, probably while you were still talking to the walking asshole guy you were with now, so this guy really can’t be that important, but whatever. It didn’t matter to him, because it clearly didn’t matter to you. He got another drink, this time mixing his own in order to insure that his vodka redbull was actually a vodka redbull, and not just a redbull that thought really really hard about a vodka shot.

“Hey man, did you see that guy that Y/n showed up with?!” Gojo asked as he walked into the kitchen, “Dude, shes fucking cheating!”

“Satoru!” Geto snapped, punching his shoulder to remind him that hey, maybe this situation required a bit more tact. Kento quickly poured a shot of tequila and threw it back, much to the horror of Suguru and the awe of Gojo.

“Not cheating, we weren’t official.” Nanami gasped, focusing on the burn in his throat to ignore the tightness in his chest. 

“Kento, do you want to go?” Suguru asked, pointing a thumb to the door, “We can just drink at home, play some Tekken. Honestly it sounds more fun than this.” He offered, trying to give Nanami an out from the awkward situation. 

“Yea!” Gojo agreed, “This party sucks anyway, its full of frat boys.” Kento chuckled and took a drink from his vodka with a splash of redbull. He really did appreciate his roommates, and how they always had his back, even in small ways. But he wasn’t going to leave this party immediately after you showed up with some bastard. Because that would mean admitting defeat, and Nanami would never admit defeat. 

“Nah, I think I’m going to socialize actually,” Kento said with a shrug. Suguru and Satoru shared a worried look, but didn’t push the issue further as Nanami left the kitchen. He went to the livingroom. He saw you sitting on the couch next to the wannabe tech bro you brought, laughing with your whole body at some joke he said. He bet it wasn’t even funny. Probably some cheesy pun he stole off of twitter. That dick probably had an NFT profile pic and actually started calling it X the moment daddy musk told him too. Fucking bootlicker. What the hell did he have that Nanami didn’t? He didn’t fucking deserve you. So why the fuck did you choose him?

He snapped out of his definitely not jealousy fueled spiral long enough to realize that he was not only staring, but he felt his eyes prickle with tears. Oh no, no no no fuck no! He quickly wiped away the drop that fell before rushing to the bathroom. He would be damned before he was caught crying at a fucking house party. Especially over a woman he never really had to begin with. Someone who never really took whatever it was they had as seriously as he did.

He was thankful to find the downstairs bathroom empty, slipping in and all but throwing his back against the door. This fucking sucked. This really fucking sucked. Suguru had warned him once he started catching feelings, that he either had to say something or stop answering your calls, stop calling you. That to do anything else was just setting himself up for hurt if you didn’t feel the same way. He didn’t take him very seriously at the time. Kento made a mental note to pay for at least one of his drinks as an apology next time the group went bar hopping.

He took a deep, jagged breath, trying to ground himself. Okay. Okay. He probably wasn’t going to cry anymore. He pushed himself off of the bathroom door, going to the sink to splash his face. He threw cold water on his face, and was in the middle of crying it off when the door opened.

“Hey! It’s called knocking!” He snapped at the intruder. 

“I’m sorry, I did!” You yelped, “You didn’t answer!”

“Y/n?” Nanami asked, filling himself deflate at your smile. You finished walking in, closing the door behind you.

“Oh, hey Kento! I didn’t know you were here. You look good” You winked. He repressed the urge to roll his eyes.

“Gee, thanks. That means so much.” He words were soaked in sarcasm, voice laced with contempt.

“Whoa, who pissed in your cheerios this morning?’ You asked, very much feeling the hostile vibe he was putting out, “Are you ok?”

“Yea, I’m fine.” Nanami shook his head, “Just…rough day, I guess.” He grumbled, not really in the mood for confrontation at that moment. You gave him a sly grin, slipping to close the space between the two of you. Your hand landed on his chest, and you looked at him through long eyelashes.

“Hey, I have an idea of what could make you feel better,” You purred, your hands falling to his belt buckle. Much to your surprise, but honestly more so his, He was quick to grab your wrist and stop you.

“Oh come on Y/n,” He scoffed, “Really? Isn’t your boyfriend in the other room?” He accused, venom dripping from his very soul. “I thought you were better than that.” You just looked at him confused, trying to think about what the hell he was talking about. 

“Um, what?” You asked, only adding fuel to his rage.

“Oh come on Y/n, don’t play dumb! I saw that guy you came in with. Were you ever planning on telling me?” He snapped. Slowly, the confusion left your face, only to be replaced with amusement. You started laughing. You started laughing. Nanami shook his head, a tic quickly forming in his jaw.

“You’re really laughing right now? Thats so low Y/n, I can’t believe-”

“My cousin.” You said, stopping Kento in his tracks.

“What?”

“My cousin! That guy I showed up with? Yea, that’s my cousin Nanami!” You laughed, thoroughly entertained by the whole situation. You could see the math flashing before Nanami's eyes as he took in what you were saying. Now that he was thinking about it, nothing you did was particularly romantic, you just kinda…existed around him. 

Oh my god.

Nanami started laughing too, unable to believe how worked up he got over literally nothing. He felt so utterly ridiculous, and honestly he kinda deserved that feeling.

“Oh my god it’s your cousin,” He said as chuckles started coming out, “I was really going to fight your cousin.”

“You were gonna fight him?!” You howled with laughter, having to brace yourself against the door.

“Yea! I was!” Nanami confirmed with a laugh, unable to believe he got so worked up over nothing, “Oh man, that would have been so bad.”

“And what did we learn?” You teased.

“That I need to be more forgiving of characters that fall into the miscommunication trope.”

“No, you numpty!” You playfully groaned, lightly pushing him, “It’s not a miscommunication if you never communicated in the first place!”

“Oh, yeah that too.” He joked with a grin. They two of you stayed giggling like that for a few more moments before he pulled you into a hug, just relieved that it was all a misunderstanding. The two of you left the bathroom hand in hand, no doubt turning a few heads, but who really cared. He didn’t at least.

“You know, as weird as this is to say, it was kinda hot seeing you jealous,” You teased, “You don’t get that way often.” He simply shrugged.

“Yea well, I think anyone would get jealous if they saw their girlfriend show up to a party with a random guy.”

“Oh, so I’m your girlfriend now?” You asked, a smile pulling at your lips. He could feel the blush dusting his cheeks. 

“I mean, yea. If you want to be..” He offered. You grinned and jumped into his arms, kissing his cheek. He held you close and smiled.

“I thought you’d never ask.” 

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #nanami kento #nanami x reader #nanami kento x reader #nanami angst #nanami comfort #Nanami Kento hurt/comfrot #hurt/comfort #nobody likes you when you're 23

[togrowoldinv]

Fourth Favorite Color

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

After a mission, the feelings you and Natasha have for each other come to light when you share a hotel room

Note: *Gasp* there’s only one bed… So this is very soft and I enjoyed writing it. I hope that you enjoy reading it!

Natasha Romanoff Masterlist, Main Masterlist

You knew when you started falling for her that it might have been a bad idea. It never felt wrong, but it wasn’t meant to feel so right either. But it did. You were falling in love with Natasha Romanoff and you liked it.

When you first met Natasha, you had just joined the team. You never expected yourself to become anything more than overlooked member of the team, having no superpowers of your own. But that very first day Natasha took the time to talk to you about your role on the team.

You had a hard time paying attention to her. Or maybe it was a hard time not hanging onto her every word. She was captivating in just a black sweatshirt and her hair up in a braid.

You couldn’t stop yourself from imagining what it feel like to run your hand through her red hair.

You thought your attraction to her was one sided. Just a young person being lost in a captivating older woman. A story you’ve heard before.

But when Steve handed out the assignments for the latest mission and Nat volunteered to bunk with you, your stomach dropped at the idea. Did she know there was only one bed? Did she know what she does to you by simply looking at you?

Completely flustered is how you find yourself quietly sinking into the mattress now while Natasha is in the shower. The first part of the mission went well, but you’d have to stay the night to make sure there were no more issues.

“Hey, I’ll set my alarm for the morning,” your thoughts are interrupted by Natasha’s voice.

You look over at her to see her standing there with wet hair and you think she’s the most beautiful she’s ever been.

“Sounds good,” you manage to respond. Nat offers you a small smile and she lays next to you on the bed. She’s closer to you then she has to be, but you don’t mind.

The streetlight outside the hotel room illuminates the room a bit too much and you both lay there awake.

“Y/n, have you ever been in love?” Natasha suddenly breaks the silence. She doesn’t turn and look at you, and when you glance at her she is fiddling with her hands over her stomach.

“Maybe. I’m not really sure,” you tell her. It’s not a complete lie; although, you’re pretty sure you’re in love with Natasha. “Have you?” You add hesitantly.

Natasha sighs and finally turns to look at you. Her eyes find yours and feel shy under her gaze.

“I think so,” Nat responds. She takes a deep breath and continues. “But I don’t think they loved me back.”

“How could they not love you?” You ask, your voice soft.

Natasha lets out a soft laugh, but it’s not of glee or hilarity. It’s a sad laugh. The kind that keeps you from crying in a tough situation.

“I’m serious, Natasha.”

“I know you are,” she says. “It’s just- no one cares enough. No one wants to know anything important. They just want to sleep with me and when I don’t want that, they leave. People always leave.”

“What’s something important you’d like for someone to know about you?” You ask her. She looks thrown by your question and she thinks about it for a moment.

“I don’t know. Anything. Maybe even as simple as my favorite color.”

“Your favorite color? It’s red, isn’t it?” You ask her. Her smile tells you that you’re correct. “What’s your second favorite?“

“My second favorite?” Nat questions. When you nod, she laughs. “I guess it’s black.”

“Interesting,” you say, holding back a laugh. You don’t know why you think it’s funny, but you do.

“What’s your favorite color?” She asks. “I’m sorry I don’t know it.” Nat sounds truly apologetic.

“That’s okay,” you assure her. “It’s green,” you begin and then add, “like your eyes.”

You swear you see a light pink grace Natasha’s cheeks before she looks up to the ceiling.

“Second favorite?” She asks.

“Red, like your hair,” you respond. Before you met Natasha, you would have said it was purple or blue or orange, but the moment you met her that red of her hair became one of your favorite colors.

“You like the red? Sometimes I think of changing it,” Natasha says.

“I love the red,” you say. You can’t stop yourself from reaching out and pushing a stray piece of her hair off of her shoulder. She shivers at your touch.

Natasha turns to lay on her side and you do the same. Hesitantly, she rests her hand loosely on your hip. When you inch closer to her, she tightens her grip on your hip.

“I love everything about you,” Natasha says. You can’t believe what she’s saying. You search her eyes for any reason she could be lying, but you find none.

“I love everything about you too, Natasha,” you tell her. You smile so widely at her, but frown when you see her glance away from you.

“I wouldn’t be good for you,” Nat says.

“Natasha, everything about you is good. I promise you that,” you say.

She shakes her head. You reach for her cheek and softly turn her face to look at you again.

“Listen to me, I’ve tried to think of every reason to not love you. And I come up empty every time. The fact is that I love you. I love you and your crazy choice for a second favorite color. I love you Natasha Romanoff,” you say.

“I’m scared,” Natasha says. You’ve never seen her this vulnerable before.

“I’m scared too. But hey, I’m not going to leave you. People don’t always leave. Sometimes they stay. And I will stay. Lovers, friends, whatever you want to be. I love you and I always will.”

Natasha leans in closer and your lips are almost against hers. Her body is pressed against yours gently.

“Can I kiss you?” She asks.

“Please,” you reply.

In the next moment, her lips are against yours. The kiss doesn’t last long, but it’s passionate nonetheless.

“Can we take it slow?” Natasha asks once she’s pulled away.

“I’d like that,” you reply.

You kiss her forehead and she melts against you. She shifts to wrap her arms around you tighter and buries her face in your neck.

“So, what’s your fourth favorite color?” You ask her and she laughs so hard. You relish in the sound of her happiness.

“We skipped third favorite,” Nat says.

“That’s because no one has a third favorite color,” you reply simply.

“But they have a fourth?”

“That’s correct, baby,” you say with a smile and Natasha shakes her head affectionately.

“Thanks for caring about me enough to want to know my fourth favorite color,” Nat says. She leans up and drops a kiss to your cheek.

“Of course. Goodnight Natasha.”

“Goodnight y/n.”

Tag List: @gracebutnotgraceful @i-wished-for-you-too @idkwhygregg @romanoffscottage @be-missed @likefirenrain @hehehehannahthings @mythosphere-x @readings-stuff @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @madamevirgo @milfloverslut @yelenabelovaisthebettersister @mrswidowjohansson @alotofpockets @wandassitcom @ggrangerdanger @marvelwomen-simp @maia-lightwoood @mortallytremendoussandwich @xxromanoffxx @peanutbutterprincess @karmasgxrl @picnicmic @wandaslittlewhore @exhaustedfangirl @when-wolves-howl @natashalovers @marie45019 @inluvwithfictionalwomen @sammi1642 @itsyourgirlmalise @jujuu23 @the-night-owl-blr @strangegardentaco @avatarsnips @romanoffswoman @natashasilverfox @imthenatynat @natasha-danvers @sayah13 @harleysincairo @rach2602 @cordyandbilliehavemyheart @lovelyy-moonlight @thenazwife @huitzilinthebudgie3

#natasha romanoff x reader #soft natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff comfort #natasha romanoff

[random-fandom-ramble]

Is Redfeather Etharis mother?

I just read the new short story about Rayla in Scumport, where we were introduced to this wonderful new MILF character, Redfeather:

Some things we learned about her:

She’s a moonshadow elf

She has matted messy hair

She has pale markings and likely has a darker complexion (“like shining leather”)

She was ghosted about 15+ years ago

She doesn’t regret the thing(s) she was ghosted for

Now 15+ years ago doesn’t place her at any important events that we know of yet. Rayla would’ve been 0-2 years old at the time, so it probably doesn’t connect to her. The whole ordeal with Sarai getting killed by Avizandum happened about 10-12 years prior, so it couldn’t be connected to that.

But you know who would’ve been in a very interesting age back then?

Ethari and Runaan

Ethari and Runaan were once referred to as “uncle-ish” age, which the show runners have clarified means somewhere between 30-35 years old. That means Ethari and Runaan would’ve been 15-20 years old at the time when Redfeather got ghosted by her village. And as we all know, 15-20 is the perfect age for fictional characters to get traumatized✨

One theory I had was that she was somehow involved with the assassins (target? Former assassin? Who knows) and that her crime, which somehow affected a younger Runaan, got her ghosted. But that is a theory for another time.

What caught my attention first was the specifics of her description.

Pale markings and “leather colored”(darker) skin

When it comes to the colors of markings, moonshadow elves tend to have very deep or even dark blue/purple markings. Ethari is the only moonshadow elf we’ve encountered till now who has significantly lighter, or paler, lavender colored markings amongst moonshadow elves.

This means that Redfeather having specifically PALE markings would be significant, if the paleness is referring to the color.

Another point is the eyes

While Redfeathers and Etharis face’s aren’t THAT similar, the eyes very much ARE

Look at that shape! Look at the lashes! Look at the curved lower lids! If this doesn’t mean anything, then this would be one heck of a coincidence for eyes to be drawn THAT similarly.

Another reason I like this theory isn’t just because of looks and appearances, but also because it could explain a bit about Etharis behavior regarding ghosting family members and strong feelings about abandonment.

See, when Rayla first comes back to the Silvergrove, one of the first things he says to is:

“They’re gone Rayla. He’s gone. Because you abandoned them.”

And later on, when he briefly lifted the ghosting spell to talk to Rayla, he says again:

“But I don’t understand, how could you abandon them like that?”

On a similar note, in the novel the bloodmoon huntress, when Runaan realizes that Kim’Dael is out there, there isn’t even a question about wether or not Ethari is coming along; he said right away “I’m coming with you”. He was NOT gonna stay- or be left behind. It’s like he has some very deep rooted issues surrounding abandonment, and being left behind. Maybe because his mother had to leave him when he was young? Or maybe pertaining to the crime she committed, where she left someone behind and surrendered them to their doom? Who knows…

And yet, for someone who has such strong feelings about someone being left behind, he was very quick to ghost Rayla. Yes he regrets it, and yes it was a decision made with feelings and grief and not his sound and sensible mind. But regardless of how much he regrets it now, he still ghosted her for “abandoning her team (and Runaan)”, and he seemed very sure of that choice at first.

If we looked at him as a regular person, a godfather who loved and cherished his goddaughter, and had raised her since the age of 8, this behavior doesn’t make any sense!

But if we look at him as someone who’s had to do it before, someone who had to learn long ago that family ties don’t excuse crimes, and that sometimes you need to cut out and ghost those closest to you - like say, your own mother-, well then it makes sense why he was able to do that to his goddaughter, even if he regretted it later…

——

And a final point close this whole theory off, though it is more of a meta textual point:

Ethari rarely gets talked about by the creators of the show. He was maybe mentioned here and there in the past, and on Twitter Aaron Ehazs promised that they hadn’t forgotten about Ruthari. So any mention of him that actually includes his name and something other than „he’s Runaans husband/Raylas substitute dad“ is pretty special and rare to find outside of the graphic novel Bloodmoon huntress . But in this new short story, he wasn’t just mentioned by name; he was specifically described along with his profession, his crafting.

And the first time that Ethari gets mentioned again outside of the bloodmoon huntress is when a new Moonshadow elf with eyes almost identical to his gets introduced.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

✨Thanks for reading!✨

Feel free to add your own thoughts to this theory in the comments or in reblogs!

@beautifulterriblequeen @sunstone-nerding @hoothalcyon @legend-of-the-fandoms @anybody-else-who-wants-to-join-the-fun

#tdp #the dragon prince #tdp theory #tdp headcanons #tdp ethari #tdp Redfeather #tdp season 5 #tdp s5 #tdp spoilers #tdp meta #tdp angst ✨ #tdp speculation #tdp rayla #tdp runaan

[wildflower-playground]

❤️‍🩹🧸ways to cope when age regression isn’t an option🧸❤️‍🩹

regression can be a great coping method and can be very healing to your inner child, but sometimes it just isn’t working. whether that’s because you physically can’t regress for a while, you don’t have the time or space for it, it’s activating a particular trigger, or any other reason — it’s important to remember that you always have other options!

it can be easy to feel lost if agere is your main coping skill and it’s suddenly not available or not helpful anymore, so under the cut i’ve compiled some simple de-stressing strategies to try out instead! :]

have a meal or snack and drink some water! physical needs are important :]

speaking of, use the bathroom and take a shower or bath if you need one. sometimes we don’t even notice it’s been awhile!

move your body, however you’re able to! some examples are going for a walk, dancing around to music, stretching or yoga, getting the mail from the mailbox

have a chat with a friend or family member. human interaction is good for us, even if it’s only for a few minutes!

if you’re okay with touch, go hug someone you love (human or animal hehe)

help someone else in a simple way; maybe do a chore for them, send them a little card or gift, or listen to them talk about their day for a bit. sometimes it can be a good distraction while also feeling nice to help!

do something creative! crochet, paint (even finger painting counts!), play an instrument, build something, redecorate your room, put on colorful makeup, etc

do some deep breathing exercises, and/or try a few grounding techniques

clean up a bit! i know it can be overwhelming, but even picking up just a few items or cleaning just one area can help you feel lots better.

journaling can be a good way to sort out what you’re feeling! you can just write whatever you feel like talking about, or you can look up prompts online to get you started

weighted blankets or heavier stuffed animals (or even pets!) can help with anxiety and sensory issues

pay attention to any negative sensory input and do what you can to fix it: is the room too bright or too loud? is your clothing itchy? do you need some time alone?

find some pleasant sensory input: use a scented lotion or candle you like, wrap yourself in a soft blanket, listen to your favorite music album, turn down the lights in your room, watch a sensory video you enjoy

do something to stretch your brain! work on a puzzle, read a book, or start learning a new skill you’re interested in

try something new! getting out of our comfort zone can help us to feel more alive and excited about life. bring along a loved one or a comfort item to give you courage!

do you like to pray or meditate? if you do, make some time for it and try to let yourself really relax into it!

make plans; it’s important to have things to look forward to, even if it’s just a trip to a cafe you like or a video chat with a friend

surround yourself with comforting objects (for instance, your favorite blanket and stuffed animal, a photo book of fun memories, etc!)

age dreaming can often be a fun coping method even if regression isn’t an option. try doing some of the things you’d normally want to do while small, without pressuring yourself to actually regress!

finally, ask for help! it’s always okay to reach out for help. you are not alone, and you don’t have to figure everything out by yourself!

okay, that’s all for now! please keep in mind that i’m not a mental health expert and this is by no means a complete list, but sometimes i need reminders of what else to try when regression isn’t working and so i hope it’s helpful to others in that way too! it’s totally okay if some of these things don’t work for you — take whatever’s useful and leave the rest.

don’t forget that you can always send me an ask or message if you need someone to talk to, little ones. sending you all hugs! 🫂❤️

#i’ve gotten several messages abt this topic so i thought i’d make a post abt it! let me know what u think! :] #sfw agere #sfw age regression #sfw agedre #sfw caregiver #bee.posts #advice

[suckerfordylansstuff]

New Journey (S.H.) Chapter 2 Season 4

Pairing: Steve Harrington x henderson!reader

Summary: Back to Hawkins for spring break. Y/n believed it would just be a quiet time to cherish with her loved ones, but one day in and another mess had already began.

Warnings: cursing, mentions of drugs, murder

Notes: And we're continuing with season 4! Very excited to mess with this season's story plot and give an end to their obsession with Steve and Nancy as a romantic couple. But we are not steering away from drama as this chapter gives our couple their "issue" for this season. Hope you are safe out there and please enjoy the chapter! 💕

Gif not mine

Chapter 1 << Masterlist ~~

Feeling your body tangled in Steve’s arms was the perfect way to wake up. Your head was tucked in his neck, his scent filling your nose, making you snuggle more into him. He gave you the perfect warmth you needed for this chill morning as you were only wearing a t-shirt of his, too tired from last night's activities to get up and wear the pjs you had sneaked into his closet from when you first started dating.

You loved it when you woke up earlier than him. Most of the time his nerves got the best of him, so seeing him so relaxed always made your heart swoon. There wasn’t a lot of light coming in from the window in his bedroom, the curtains covering most of the morning sun, but the light that managed to get through fell on his face gently.

As you were watching him your hand traced figures on his naked chest, drawing a line on his collarbones. Your mind brought you back to last night as you recalled his sweet gesture. The room was still covered with all the candles he had lit up and the rose petals were still on the floor. You could still feel his hands roaming over your body and his lips making you shiver with every kiss he gave you. It brought a smile to your face and the only thing you wanted to do was pay him back for all the bruises you know you will find on your neck when you get up. So, without having to move too much, your lips started kissing his neck. Little feathery pecks turned into more heated ones as you started closing more and more to his mouth. You weren’t sure when exactly he had woken up, but by the time your lips landed on his, he was eagerly kissing you back, his two arms settling on the small of your back, pinning you into his body even more.

The groan that came from the back of his throat as you kissed made your body feel like jelly. You were sure you could do just this for hours, but breathing was unfortunately a thing, so you had to pull away just an inch from his mouth to take a deep breath.

“Well, good morning to you too.” his lazy smile made you grin.

You just smiled, giving his lips one more peck before settling back into his embrace. You heard him sigh lovingly from beneath you, his hand rubbing your back up and down. You were close to falling back asleep when his words awakened you.

“I wish I could always wake up next to you.” your heard fluttered. This was it. This was the perfect moment to bring up the plan you had formed in your mind.

“Well, what if you could?”

“What?” he asked not understanding what you were implying.

“Me and mom have been talking and we decided that with the money I have saved up from work, I can rent an apartment… And she suggested you move in with me.” you bit your lip, trying to find the best way to talk about this and make him understand how much you wanted this to happen.

“What?”

“At first, she joked about us moving in together after she noticed how many weekends you drive to see me, saying it’s a waste of time, but… What if it really is? I mean you do spend an absurd amount of time driving and it costs money that could be useful in other ways? You are at some point going to leave Hawkins, I mean you can’t stay in this town forever and your job isn’t an important one, so you could leave whenever you wish. So, I started looking for some apartments in town and near my college and I found the perfect little place to start. Steve, you are going to love it! I know, it’s a bit sudden but, can’t you imagine it? Us living together?” the words were coming out of your mouth without thinking, excitement taking over your body, while a small, stupid grin covered your face. Though, Steve’s expression didn’t match yours.

“You are right. It is a bit sudden.” you watched him as he sat up straight, his feet hitting the floor on the side of the bed. You felt your smile disappear from your face.

“I know- I know that and I understand that it’s a completely new thing and we know nothing about sharing a place in such an intimate way, but… Steve if there is anyone, I want to experience this with for the first time, it’s you.” you came to sit next to him, your hands hooking around his left arm. You waited for his response, but you could tell something was really troubling him.

“Um…”

“Steve?” you asked after a bit.

“Can we uh… talk about this later?” he finally said something, but now you weren’t sure what to say.

“What?” you didn’t know what to think. Did he not like the idea? Was it too soon? He was the one that went out of his way to visit you as many times as he could every month, so you thought it’d be the perfect alternative for always wanting to stay in the same place together. You knew he loved you, so what was the issue?

“I gotta get ready for work and you know how Keith gets when I’m late. I can’t give him another reason not to like me, right?” you watched while he got up and started dressing himself, putting on his uniform in a hurry and his shoes without even sitting down. His nerves were taking control of his body.

“Wait, Steve, what about-“ you wanted to at least hear if he wanted this to happen or not.

“You should probably get dressed too, you know? Go see all the other people you’ve missed. I can’t have you forever, can I?” he said and placed your clothes in front of you. You stared at them as you began feeling like an intruder in his space.

“You don’t like the idea?” you were confused, sad, and a little angry at the same time. You looked up at him after you had put on your bra from beneath his shirt, not feeling comfortable exposing yourself after his distant behavior.

“Y/n… Just- Can we sleep on it for a couple of days?” he finally looked at you, but he still wasn’t able to meet your eyes.

“Sleep on it?” now he was just getting on your nerves. Sure, it is a big deal for you guys, but can’t he sit down and talk to you about it? Like the adults you thought you were?

“Yeah, just let me think about it?” he scratched the back of his head, looking as if he was coming to a life or death type of decision.

“What is there to think about? You either want to or not.” your legs hit the floor and you stood up opposite of him. Your eyes searched his face, but he still wasn’t looking into your own, his hair covering his eyes as he stared at the floor.

“It’s not that easy, there is a lot to think about-” he started talking, but you caught him off.

“It’s fine. I get it.” your hands grabbed your pants and then his shirt was pulled off your body, putting on your own quickly.

You didn’t want to fight with him. You just came back and if you fought now, the rest of your trip would be completely ruined. Walking out right now was the best option for you. Maybe by the time you saw him again, he would have a complete answer for you, whatever that may be. You just needed something more than just a dismissive ‘We’ll see...’.

“Y/n…” he called out. He realized he had upset you. He watched your movements as you dressed. He thought back to the moment you had woken up and tried to understand why he had to go and ruin it like he always did.

“Just think about it all right? I’ll get the place either way, so it doesn’t really matter what you say, I guess…” you finished dressing as you put your left shoe on and handed him his shirt back. He took it hesitantly.

“Y/n.” his hand tried to reach for your own, but you pulled away quickly walking towards his bedroom door.

“I’ll walk home. Go to work, you can’t be late.” your voice was small, but you didn’t dare look sad right now.

“Come on, you can’t walk home. You’ll have a panic attack walking through these woods alone.” he came next to you, keeping his distance, and you hated it how much you wanted to pull him away and into your arms at the same time. You also hated that he was right “Let me drive you there.”

“I’ll wait downstairs.” you opened his door making your way down the stairs and out of the house. It was the moment you stepped out that you were able to take a deep breath. It wasn’t five minutes later that Steve came out of the house as well, a bag on his shoulder and the keys to the car in his hand. He shot you a glance as you both made your way toward the car silently.

The drive was awkward as neither of you said anything, your minds focusing on the conversation before. When you finally arrived at your house you said a quick bye, reaching for the door before his voice stopped your movement once again.

“Will you come see me today?” you turned to look at him and despite your anger and disappointment, you didn’t have it in you to be mean.

“Yeah, I want to see Robin too, so… I’ll see you later.” you offered him a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes and without thinking leaned in and kissed his cheek. You may be mad at him, but you still loved him. He smiled back at you, bidding you a silent goodbye, and watched as you stepped out of the car heading to the house without a second glance. A frustrated sigh left his lips after he made sure you went into the house safe and sound, his hands roaming his hair, something he did when he was stressed or nervous. Right now, it was both as he was thinking of all the things he could have said or could have done differently.

All he was certain for was that he was screwed.

As you entered the house all you wanted to do was lock yourself in your room, away from everything and everyone like a goddamned teenager. But the sight of your mother and Dustin sitting next to each other on the couch looking anxiously at the TV made you stop in your tracks.

“What’s going on?” your eyes fell on the screen. You tried to understand what the lady on Channel 9 was talking about, but your mom’s arms stopped you.

“Thank goodness you’re all right.” she was smothering you with kisses. Her sudden movements made you back slowly, almost tripping on top of Tews, who was just trying to earn your mother’s attention again.

“Of course, I’m all right, I was with Steve. What happened?” you looked at Dustin, who just pointed back at the TV silently.

You finally escaped your mother’s arms as she sat back down on the sofa, taking Tews into her arms. You took a step closer to the TV focusing on the reporter’s words.

“Murder? Who?”

“We don’t know yet. The only thing they have confirmed is that it’s a Hawkins High student.” your brother told you and your eyes widened. Your feet guided you to sit on the unoccupied armchair, not once taking your focus off the TV, silently begging the universe that’s all it was. An unfortunate murder from an awful human being and not something else, dreadful memories already filling your mind.

Steve was at Family Video doing every possible job Keith could assign him to get his mind off you. This resulted in him rearranging the movies on the shelves while Robin complained about her love life. He tried to keep up with her, but her words were coming so fast out of her mouth that all he could do was just hum and nod his head to assure her he was listening.

“But I’m having this problem where it’s like, I should stop talking. I have said everything I need to say. But then I guess I get nervous, and the words they just- they keep spilling out and it’s like my- my brain is moving faster than my mouth and I want to stop digging, I’m trying to stop, but I can’t.  And I’m doing it right now, aren’t I?” she finally turned to look at him. Steve found it amusing how riled-up Vicki made Robin without even knowing what she was doing to her, but he also sympathized because he knew this narrative all too well.

He was leaning on one of the shelves staring at her waiting for her rant to end when he agreed with her question and watched as she backed away slowly towards the wall behind her, sighing defeatedly.

“I’m hopeless.”

“Eh. We both are.” he followed along, settling next to her, his own mouth letting out a sigh.

From the corner of his eye, he could see Robin staring at him “With Y/n coming yesterday I figured I couldn’t stop you from talking my ear off with all the plans you have arranged, but you’ve barely said a word, lover boy.”

“You’ve barely stopped talking for the past hour. How could I say anything?” he tried to joke, but looking at Robin’s face he knew shit would get real “I did something stupid.”

“Obviously.”

He rolled his eyes at her words but didn’t fight her sarcasm “Last night was incredible with her and I mean incredible, Robin. We spent all day together, went back to mine, I even did the candles surprise I told you about.” he started fidgeting his shirt with his fingers, the nerves surrounding him once more.

“Uh huh… But?”

“But… this morning Y/n said something that threw me off a little.” Steve glanced at Robin, who was just waiting for him to complete his words “She asked me to move in with her. In Michigan.”

His friend’s eyebrows shot upwards “Wow.”

“Yeah. And suddenly everything felt so real, and I panicked, and I just ignored her questions.” his body lifted from the wall, and he started picking up tapes from the cart and putting them on the shelves, just so his hands had something to do.

“You didn’t say anything?” Robin questioned him but didn’t leave the wall.

“No. No, I did say ‘Let’s sleep on it’.” he answered.

Robin almost chuckled at how frustrated he was but kept it together since it wasn’t the time to tease him right now. She had to be the friend he needed.

“Is she mad?”

“I’m not sure, but she’s definitely annoyed with me. I just- I didn’t know what to do. I mean, how do you respond to your girlfriend asking you to move in with her?” Steve asked after his hands messed with his hair.

“Well, for starters, you don’t say ‘Let’s sleep on it’.” she couldn’t help it. It was a natural instinct to make fun of him as often as she could.

Steve groaned at her words, throwing the tapes back on the cartwheel in frustration before placing his hands on his face. Robin let out a chuckle this time, and came next to him, partially to also check if the tapes had any damage on them.

“What’s the problem anyway? I thought you’d be over the moon. The only thing you want to do is be with her 24/7. Moving in with Y/n would be your best solution.” she said.

“I-” Robin could see the wheels turning inside his head. She waited to hear his answer, but it seemed that he wasn’t ready just yet “Can we just talk about something else? Please?”

“Okay, lover boy. Ooh!” she patted his shoulders to bring some life back into the store before she ran to pick up a movie from across the room “I think I found our morning movie” Robin picked it up from the shelf and turned to show her friend “Doctor Zhivago.”

“Ugh, you know I don’t do double VHS.” Steve argued, shaking his hands at her suggestion.

“But it’s about doomed love.”

“Oh, well, that’s relatable.” he joked, bringing the cartwheel back behind the counter.

“Precisely.” Robin agreed and followed him “Also, Julie Christie is b-b-bonkers hot in this. Like, seriously, the most beautiful creature I have ever seen in my life.” she opened the small TV they had at the store, ready to put on the movie, but the newscast caught both of their attention.

“Holy shit.” was all that Steve said as he listened to the reporter describing the cold cause that had just happened last night.

You were still sitting with your mom and Dustin in the living room, not making a sound as you waited for any further information about the case, when suddenly someone was knocking on your door.

You flinched at the noise but relaxed as you saw the person standing behind it when Dustin opened the door. Max glanced at Dustin at first before her eyes fell on you, the surprise only staying for a mere second as she became anxious again. It was all you needed to understand that this was a matter you had to talk about privately.

“Uh, Mom, me and Max are going to my room to talk.”

“Sure, baby. Hello, Max.” your mom tried to say as calmly as she could, Tews purring in her arms.

You watched the two of them make their way toward Dustin’s bedroom, but before you could ask if you should follow, Max grabbed your arm and pulled you along with them. Your mother was too focused on the television to question why you were going with them.

When you entered the room for a second you just looked at each other, not knowing what was happening. Max was the one who broke the silence, her eyes falling on you.

“I didn’t know you were back.”

“Just arrived yesterday. I thought I’d see you at the match, but…” you were pretty sure what the reason behind her absence was, still, you didn’t want to talk about it with Dustin here.

“Wasn’t feeling like it.” she shrugged, and you sent her a small smile. She had told you she and Lucas broke it off one night when she called you crying. When you left for Michigan, you told her that she could call you whenever for whatever reason. Not having Eleven here or the guys to discuss this made her even more upset. You were her only option, and you were ready to hear and discuss everything she needed.

“Max… What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” Dustin interrupted your train of thought, bringing you back to the matter at hand.

“I’m guessing you’ve heard what’s happened?” Max stood next to the bed looking at both of you. You simply nodded your heads, feeling her need to say more “It happened at the Forest Hills trailer park, right opposite our trailer.”

“What?” your body was leaning on Dustin’s desk, worry taking over your expression as you started at your younger friend. It had slipped your mind that’s where she was staying now.

“Did you see something?” Dustin asked curiously.

“I saw who it was…” she answered carefully “When they brought out the body, I took a glance at the outfit. It was Chrissy Cunningham.” you turned to look at Dustin as the name didn’t ring any bells to you. You knew it was someone from Hawkins High and judging from Dustin’s face, he immediately knew who Max was talking about.

“Chrissy Cunningham? You’re sure it was Chrissy?” he was pacing back and forth inside the small room, your eyes following him.

“Yes, in her cheerleader outfit. It was the same thing she was wearing when I saw her with Eddie.” Max explained and Eddie’s name caught your attention.

“The trailer was Eddie’s?”

“His uncle’s, but yeah. They went in together last night.” Max told you.

“Did you tell all this to the cops?” your brother asked.

“No. No, but I… I can’t be the only one who saw them together. I mean they stood out.” you couldn’t help but agree. You didn’t know Chrissy, but you did know that a cheerleader and a drug dealer weren’t a match made in heaven.

“Eddie the freak with Chrissy the cheerleader?” Dustin described your thoughts out loud.

“Exactly. You know, his name’s not in the news yet or anything, but I guarantee you Eddie is suspect number one now.” your brother stopped in his tracks after hearing Max’s words.

“That’s crazy. Eddie didn’t do this. No way.”

“Dustin…” you warned him.

“No way.” he pointed his finger at you, repeating his words.

“Well, we can’t rule it out.” Max told him.

“Yes, we can.” he protested.

“Dustin!” Max said frustrated.

“You don’t know him like I do. Okay?” his voice was certain, but as he turned to take a look at you too, you saw sadness in his eyes “When we got to high school, Lucas made all his sports friends. Mike and me? I mean, no one was nice to us. No one except Eddie.”

This made you silent. You felt for your brother, as this once was your world too.

“Okay. Well, I mean, they said the same shit about Ted Bundy. Yeah, he’s a super nice guy, but then he’s murdering women on the weekend.” you shook your head at Max’s example, knowing it would get a rise out of Dustin.

“So, you’re saying Eddie is like Ted Bundy?” he asked defensively

“I think what she is saying is we can’t come to a conclusion without facts, Dustin. We don’t know what actually happened, so we can’t presume anything.” you explained calmly, trying to be the voice of reason behind this crazy situation. Why did you always have to be involved in every shitshow this town had to offer?

“All we know is, whatever happened, it still doesn’t look good for Eddie.” Max said and all Dustin could do was sigh and sit down on his bed, knowing that she was right.

“Why haven’t you told the cops this?” he simply asked her.

“I- I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Dustin asked.

“Max?” something troubled her, it was obvious as she sighed and sat next to Dustin, trying to collect her thoughts.

“After I saw Eddie and Chrissy go in the trailer… something else happened. I was at my trailer watching TV when it started playing static. I got up to fix it and suddenly all the lights started flickering. Then I heard a scream coming from Eddie’s trailer before I saw him opening the door and running off to the car, driving away quickly.” your eyes fell on the floor after you heard her talk about the lights, panic rising in you. You kept calm, though, listening to the rest of her story, see if you could make sense of any of it “Nothing that weird or anything. I mean… Eddie always drives like a maniac and the power goes off at my place all the time. It’s a piece of shit. But… This morning, I started to think back, and… I don’t know. The look on his face. He was scared. Really scared. Maybe he was scared because, you know, he- he just killed someone, or…” she couldn’t say it, didn’t want to accept this possibility “Maybe, um… Maybe, because… I don’t- I don’t know, maybe...”

“Something else killed her.” Dustin completed her thoughts though, his own fear awakening.

“But that’s impossible. Right?” she glanced at you. You looked her in the eyes for a moment, considering everything, before biting your lip and nodding.

“Theoretically, yeah… It should be.”

“There’s only one person who knows exactly what actually happened.” Dustin said and you and Max answered at the same time.

“Eddie.”

Quickly Dustin started grabbing everything he could find useful and stuffed them inside his back bag. Meanwhile, he explained to you the plan that was already forming in his head, telling you that your main goal was to find where Eddie was now.

“But we need phones for that, and we don’t have enough here.”

“Plus, Mom would kill you with the electric bill.”

“That too.” he pointed his finger at you, agreeing “So, we need a place where we could get away with multiple calls and also get access to Eddie’s friends’ numbers.”

“Family Video.” Max realized and Dustin nodded at her, putting on his bag.

“Yep.” he glanced at you and joked when he saw your distant eyes “I don’t know why you’re looking so displeased, you get to see your boyfriend.” Dustin thought you were distant because of the news you just found out, not knowing the truth behind your anxiousness was the thought of seeing Steve.

“Yeah… Let’s go.” you opened his door and let them through and followed quickly behind them. Whether you were ready to see Steve or not it didn’t matter right now, because you had to know what happened with Eddie first and foremost.

“Have you talked to anyone else?” Dustin asked as he guided you to the front door.

“No. I can’t find Lucas or Nancy, and Mike’s in-” Max’s words were cut by Dustin’s swearing.

“California. Shit, shit, shit.”

You arrived at the living room, and you grabbed the jean jacket you had discarded yesterday when you arrived. Your actions were noticed by your mother, who had a confused look on her face.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m taking them out for breakfast to let go some steam.” you were able to come up with lies easily over the past few years, not wanting to include your mother in everything that’s been happening “They need some fresh air after everything, don’t you think, Mom?” you sent her a sweet smile.

“I guess…”

“I’m taking my car.” you grabbed the keys after you managed to find them and jogged towards your car.

“I don’t think it’s very safe out.” you heard her yell out and then listened to Dustin ‘reassuring’ her.

“Good point. We’ll be extra careful. Thanks, Mom. Love you. Bye.”

After the door was closed it only took a few seconds for the kids to get into the car, Max on the back and Dustin sliding in the passenger’s door. You put the keys in and started the car, making your way toward Family Video.

Getting to the store was easy, but explaining everything to Steve and Robin wasn’t. Also, Dustin definitely wasn’t making it easy as he simply threw himself over the counter, making a mess in the process, before sitting in front of the computer, already searching for the names you needed.

You and Max shook your heads at his actions while making your way behind the counter by simply walking there. You stood behind your brother listening to Steve and Robin complain about the unnecessary mess he had created.

“Dude! What are you doing, man?” Steve asked while he and Robin started picking up the tapes that had fallen from the counter.

“Setting up base of operations here.” he said enigmatically, and you rolled your eyes at his behavior.

“Base of operations?” Robin repeated confused.

“Stop, get off of that.” Steve tried to get Dustin away from the computer, but your brother just ignored him going on with his search.

“No, I need it.” Dustin argued back, while you were trying to keep your nerves together when Steve stood next to you as he stared at Dustin.

“Need it for what?”

“Looking up Eddie’s friends’ phone numbers.”

“Oh, Eddie, your new best friend you think is cooler because he plays your nerdy game.” Steve whining made you scrunch your eyebrows as you turned to stare at his childish behavior.

“Eddie, yes! I never said that.” Dustin defended himself.

“Seriously, you guys, maybe on a Monday you can play around here like toddlers, but it’s Saturday. It’s our busiest day.” Robin told you as she was picking up the fallen tapes.

“All right, look Robin, I totally empathize, but this cannot wait until Monday.” Dustin said as he continued searching through the computer.

“Oh my God.” Steve’s annoyance became even more prominent.

“What? Cause calling all of Eddie’s friends is an emergency?”

“Kind of.” you answered Robin.

“Do I have your permission to strangle him?” your boyfriend asked you as he stood next to Robin, her eyes lighting up at the idea.

“Oh, we could take turns.” her words made you roll your eyes before pointing at both of them.

“No. And no.”

“Can you just fill them in while we gather the numbers?” Dustin asked you without even turning his head away from the screen.

“Fill us on what?” your boyfriend asked you and after a moment you leaned in closer to them and started talking.

So, after explaining everything you knew so far to the other two, the calls began. Having Dustin, Max, and Robin on the phones was enough to give you a headache with multiple conversations happening before you. Also, the noise coming from the customers filling the store wasn’t helping either.

You were seated on top of the counter, a pen and a notebook in your hands. Your job, for now, was to inform them what the next number was to call and track down every important detail that you could find about Eddie. But so far, the phone numbers were just lessening, and no information was written down about his whereabouts.  

“Any progress yet?” you looked over your shoulder to see Steve leaning on top of the counter, trying to take a peek at the notebook.

“Nope. You sure you won’t get in trouble with all these phone calls? Won’t Keith go all ballistic on you?” your concern was genuine, but you tried to play it off as a joke to also ease up the tension between the two of you. But Steve wasn’t really feeling like joking, so the words left his mouth before thinking them over.

“Well, the least he could do is fire me, and as you said my job isn’t important.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, yeah, I know what you meant.” his tone seemed sarcastic, which aggravated you.

“Do you seriously want to fight right now?”

“Hey, guys, I might have a lead.” luckily you were interrupted by Max calling all of you to hear her.

“Seriously?” you brother asked.

“Yeah. Apparently, Eddie gets drugs from some guy named Reefer Rick and sometimes Eddie crashes there.” the redhead explained to you.

“That sounds promising. Where does this Reefer guy live?”

“See, that’s the thing. No one knows. He’s more of a… a legend than someone that people actually know.” Max’s answer to Robin’s question made you ask another one.

“Well, what about a last name?”

“I don’t know that either.” she quickly told you.

“Bet the cops know the last name.” Steve voice said from beside you, making your head turn to him with your brows scrunched.

“What?” Max voiced all your questions.

“Cope. I mean, listen, if this Reefer Rick is actually a drug dealer, I guarantee you he’s been busted at some point. Means he’s in the system.”

“The cops? Really, Steve? That’s your suggestion?” your brother had an angry look on his face as he got up from the chair he hadn’t left for at least half an hour.

“I mean, I just think at this point they should be filled in on what we know, what’s going on.” your boyfriend tried to reason with him.

“You think Eddie’s guilty, don’t you?” Dustin for the second time today got defensive towards his new friend, making you think. You trusted your brother’s judgment more than anyone else’s, including Steve’s, so if your brother likes him that much, Eddie can’t be the person you judged him to be.

“Woah, I believe in innocence until proven guilty, all that constitutional shit. I just, you know, I just don’t think that we can rule it out.”

“That’s precisely what we’re trying to do here, Steve.” Max told him and Dustin pointed at her, agreeing with her words before continuing.

“And maybe we’d have a little bit more luck if you spent less time looking at my sister like a sad puppy and more time trying to find Eddie. Seriously, what’s happened with you two?”

“Nothing!” you both said louder than you had expected.

“I wasn’t even looking at Y/n, I was helping customers. As we should be actually doing rather than searching for a potential murderer?” Dustin pointed his finger at Steve, ready to tell him a piece of his mind before Steve beat him to it “I said potential! Look, dude, we have a big selection here and it can be overwhelming for customers, I have to help. ”

“Yeah, it can be.” your eyes fell on Robin as she was now the one sitting on the chair, typing away on the computer. You all quickly rushed behind her to see what she was looking for.

“What are you doing?” Max asked her.

“Maybe we don’t need a last name.” just as she made her last click, Steve settled beside you. You all stared at the screen intensely “12 Ricks already have accounts here.”

“That’s a lot of Ricks.” you said but Robin was quick to follow.

“So, let’s narrow it down.”

So, after finding a potential candidate for Mr. Reefer Rick, you gathered all your stuff, waited for Steve and Robin to help the remaining customers, and closed the shop for the day before hoping into your cars, Robin with you and the kids with Steve and rode to the address Robin found under Rick Lipton’s name.

~~~

If you want to be tagged just ask!

Taglist:   @bookscoffeandotherstuff @i-am-the-coffee-queen @bi-andready-tocry​ @enchantedcruelsummer​ @daddystevee​ @elite4cekalyma @hayadora​ @hannarudick​ @thecaptainsgingersnap​ @lookalivesunshine-x​ @sarasmismyonlydefence​ @astream-ofconsciousness​ @the-haikyuu-hoe ​​ @mileven-reddie @mochminnie​​ @synonymforlame @teamkiall ​​ @samanthadegaro​​ @the-passionate-freak​​ @thesailbells​​ @i-mmunity​​ @marvelouspottering @mrs-diggory @mydarlingharry @beepbeephargrove @mikariell95 @sweetdreamsshifter @paninipress @anolddayslover @10minutesofscreentime @bookfrog242 @onecrazydirectioner @harrycanyonmoonn @grippleback-galaxy @doctorsgirl262 @mayonesavegana @inkpot-winters @le-who-zer-her  @mysticgardenpolice @untitledarea

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x henderson!reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fanfic #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things x reader #stranger things x y/n #stranger things x you #dustin henderson #max hargrove #robin buckley #joe keery

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

What do you think are Merlin and Arthur’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic?

Heads up, I’m autistic and this has been my special interest for way too long and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it so this post is going to be a very long one.

My favourite thing about the writing of the show (which isn’t great, but separate issue) is how every character manages to make a complete 180 from the beginning to the end, turning their initial positive traits into negative traits while not sacrificing character development to do so. It’s a skill I haven’t figured out how to use very well in my own writing and envy greatly, but I can talk about it for hours.

For Merlin, his devotion to Arthur is easily his most interesting strength and weakness to me.

In season 1, it’s great because he finds out he has this grand purpose and suddenly all the things he’s struggled with, feeling like a monster, feeling cursed etc, suddenly make sense to him. It’s too much to put on a child (because he’s somewhere between 16-18 at first but that’s never confirmed) but if it helps him to see the beauty of magic and to see more than just “I felled a tree and almost killed a man” -based on the conversation with Will in season 1 episode 4- then that’s great.

So as the show progresses, he starts getting to know more about himself and what he can do, but because his two mentors reinforce that he’s solely tied to Arthur, every good thing he learns about magic is connected to a man who hates and doesn’t understand magic. Also someone who he has to hide from in order to protect himself and not end up on the pyre. At the same time, he also never has a chance to learn about his magic and where it came from like Morgana did with visiting the Druids and Kilgharrah was never exactly forthcoming with information.

I think that’s why Morgana and Merlin’s differences and similarities are so interesting to me, but that’s a different thing.

Anyway, by the end of season 4, Arthur is betrayed by Agravane and we see just how devoted Merlin is to Arthur in all the best ways. He assembles an army, restores Arthur’s hope and belief in himself, saves Arthur’s life while risking his own and then killing the uncle who betrayed him, (the brilliance of Agravaine dying with magic and Merlin simply stabbing Morgana was absolutely amazing, but again, I digress.) he also reunites Arthur with his love, and swears fealty to him despite being ‘just’ a servant.

At the same time, he uses magic to block Morgana’s powers to make sure they can win, and he does this by sneaking back into Camelot in the middle of the night and not sleeping for over 48 hours in order to do it. His devotion to Arthur goes so deep that he’s willing to destroy himself for it. That’s one of the less extreme examples, he does try to die for Arthur multiple times, but you get the point. Even if he isn’t dying, he’s living just for the purpose of serving Arthur and doing anything it takes to keep him safe. Even at the cost of Arthur himself, (not wanting him to choose between magic and his beliefs, which was literally Arthur’s job to choose as a king who’s responsible for all the people in his kingdom)

And he even says this in season 1 episode 13 when he says “his life is worth a hundred of mine” when he believes he’s going to die to save Arthur’s life after the questing beast and again at the end of season five, “I didn’t want to put you in that position”

I’m sleep deprived, please don’t make me recite whole episodes to remember quotes.

I just realised how long this is getting, so I’m going to try and wrap it up.

Anyway, by season 5, Merlin becomes so consumed by his fear of losing Arthur that he completely loses sight of what’s important, returning magic to Albion and ending the purge. I know they said the goal was peace at the end but in season 1, Kilgharrah sort of cryptically said he’d be returning magic. So he thinks Mordred needs to die, but he can’t get Arthur to see that because even if Arthur knew he was going to die by Mordred’s hand, I think he’d probably let it happen and just do the right thing as long as he did live.

Merlin knows this so he feels responsible for keeping Arthur alive by keeping secrets which is ultimately a final betrayal for Arthur in his last days while he’s coming to terms with it. He was more upset about the lies and the deception than the magic, which I’ll get onto in a minute, but Merlin’s solution of shielding Arthur instead of doing the right thing is ultimately what leads to his downfall. (Basically the Disir episode)

That’s a very condensed version, I’m more than happy to do a separate post with a full character analysis going through each major episode and what it says for anyone in the show if you want to see it.

Anyway.

Arthur’s greatest strength and weakness is his goodness and the trust he puts into the people around him so blindly.

In episode 2, he has a conversation with Merlin about Valiant cheating with magic to kill knights. Arthur believes him, albeit cautiously, and Merlin proves him right to do so in the end.

So he knows from the beginning that Merlin is trustworthy and loyal to a fault, but then he starts seeing all the other people in his life believing he’s doing better and opening up to him more. By episode 4, we see Gwen feel comfortable enough to call Arthur out for being ungrateful with Hunnith’s food in Ealdor, we see Morgana repeatedly encouraging Arthur to stand up for what he believes in, even if that belief is different from her own which he absolutely needs and will forever be her greatest act of love for Arthur in my opinion, Uther is slowly becoming less cold towards him too since Merlin came into his life and he started making these changes.

I’ve more to say on Uther, but separate thing.

He loves these people, even if he’d never admit it, so he sees the best in them. Love is blind and all that.

In season 2 episode 8, Merlin chooses Arthur over magic and even Arthur himself when it’s revealed that Uther used magic to conceive an heir. Merlin sets Arthur back in his progress to seeing that magic could be used for good and isn’t inherently evil, but at the same time sets himself up as choosing his side with magic while Arthur has his first betrayal from Uther.

(Arguably from Merlin as well, but one is a young man in a crisis situation, the other was a fully grown adult with all the information available to him and time to think it through before still deciding that a life for a life was worth it)

In that betrayal, that’s the first time that he really has anything negative to say against magic since in his mind, it deceived him and made him almost kill his father. Any hope he has of seeing magic for good is delayed, proven when he tells Merlin he was “confused” and I can’t remember the exact quote but that he’d also lost sight of what was important.

This is set further when Morgana reveals her magic at the same time as she’s revealing that she sides with Morgause, in Arthur’s eyes he just sees that his sister (who is apparently also his biological sister, another betrayal by Uther) has turned to magic and then turned evil. Merlin doesn’t do anything to dissuade this idea other than a few comments of his own guilt about there being people better suited to helping her.

He never questions Merlin on why he believes that because he trusts him so deeply and unconditionally.

If he had, Merlin wouldn’t have needed to confess to Magic. Will in Ealdor could’ve been his excuse for knowing that magic isn’t inherently evil. He could’ve explained that Morgana always had magic, that she was terrified, that he sent her to the Druids to help but Uther would’ve killed them so when Morgause offered her unconditional support and told her that she wasn’t a monster or anything in that vein, of course Morgana latched onto that because it was finally an answer and something hopeful. She did exactly the same thing Merlin did with Arthur, Kilgharrah, and Gaius, and I really can’t blame her for it. Her earlier actions can be justified but from season 4 onwards, there’s only so much I can say to defend her.

But if Arthur would’ve known that, he would’ve been a lot more open to the idea of accepting Morgana’s magic, maybe even learning about it if it meant getting his sister back.

But his blind trust is what gives him this huge disadvantage.

Agravane, a man who’s been completely absent from his life, is immediately given trust because he has a connection to Arthur’s mother. Arthur wants to have a family when his have all either died or betrayed him, so he lets Agravane be his chief advisor and despite several warnings from Gaius and Merlin, he’s still surprised when he’s betrayed by this man he’s never met.

Arthur has this such inherent goodness that the idea of betraying anyone is inconceivable to him. (There’s a joke in there somewhere about Arthur being quite literally inconceivable too)

I’m once again realising how long this post is, I didn’t think it’d get this long so I’m going to wrap it up. If anyone wants more in depth character analysis, please let me know. This is fun.

As for my favourite thing about Merlin and Arthur’s dynamic. Merthur. Basically just the ship stuff and their banter. Also the nuances in their relationship that are fun to read into and analyse but this is already too long so I’m just going to leave it there.

#this blog is turning into an autistic person rambling about their special interest sooner than I expected. #character analysis #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #merlin emrys #merlin #merthur #i’m bad at tagging #king arthur #i don’t know how to tag this #rant #long post #ask me anything #anon ask

[w1ldthoughts]

X-Factor

Series Masterlist

Synopsis: Jack is ready to have deep talks about emotional vulnerability and he hears Zoey sing for the first time.

Theme song:

Love makes you do the craziest things. Jack had been speaking to his therapist about ways to be more vulnerable and emotionally available with Zoey in order to feel more comfortable and confident in telling her that he loved her. He spent the last week and a half looking at what relationship experts had to say about it and really taking in a bunch of information that he truly felt was useful. Zoey was worth it and he almost didn’t even recognize himself with how much effort he was putting in to get closer to her in every way that wasn’t just purely physical.

They had that on lock.

He was back in Miami for a few days and as he laid in Zoey’s bed, he decided now was as good of a time as any to do this. “So I’ve been talking to my therapist about how I really want to be able to express myself in a healthier way, especially with you and she suggested that we play a game. Are you up for that?”

“Of course, what’s the game?” Zoey asks, sitting up so she can face him.

“They’re just questions about random things, to get us to be honest and express ourselves as much as possible. I know we have no problems finding things to talk about, but I do think I’m lacking a bit in the emotional vulnerability department and I want to be a complete partner, in every aspect. So it’s important for me to be able to comfortably do this and be my full self with you.”

His girlfriend was thoroughly impressed. “Can I ask what brought this on?”

“I felt like I was in way over my head. Not used to talking about my feelings and I don’t want that to be the norm or for you to have to pry things out of me so I figured we could work on that together? Intimacy isn’t an issue, at all, but I do think doing something like this would bring us closer. And I'm willing to try anything really, to not only show you how I feel but to be able to tell you.”

She responds by giving him a slow, tender kiss, lightly biting on his lower lip when she pulls away. “You working on your emotional maturity and going out of your way to fix it is so unbelievably attractive, you have no idea.”

“Well I’m about to get even sexier then.” He laughs, pulling out his phone to read his notes. “Okay Zo, first question and I’m going to start it off light, name your three favorite things about me and why?”

Zoey scooted toward him to rest her hands on his legs. “I love your kindness. You’re so sweet to literally everyone you meet and have never met a stranger. Second thing is that your heart is so big, you just want to take care of everyone all the time. Even if sometimes you’re the one that needs to be cared for. And the third thing is how utterly gorgeous you are inside and out. Obviously you are attractive but then when you actually let people peel back layers, you’re even prettier on the inside which is incredible.”

“But damn your eyes and your smile are so pretty.” She adds with a giggle.

“Thank you, baby.” Jack blushes, handing her the phone so she could choose a question. “This one is good. What’s your favorite part about our relationship?”

“Where do I even start?” He muses, looking into her eyes. “Well first off, I like how we balance each other out. It’s like we’re both the perfect mix of intense and chill and we feed off of each other’s energies very well. I love that we want each other and we don’t need each other, we have our own lives and things going on but our relationship is just a bonus, not a necessity.”

“My favorite thing about our relationship though, about you, is that you move things in me that I thought I covered up with cement a long time ago. I spent a really long time convincing myself that with this life, I wouldn’t find anything sustainable with anyone. There was no way to find someone that would be worth it. So I built a fortress around myself and put up a front that I wasn’t a relationship guy. And then here you come with your honesty and vulnerability in the most perfect and incredible person I’ve ever seen and you got me.” He pauses, holding her hand with a sigh.

“You make me better, in every way imaginable. And that’s the best part.” He so badly wanted to finish that sentence with those three words but it was still too much.

Zoey looked at her boyfriend who’s eyes were a bit shiny with tears. She wiped at them and kissed his cheek, “you make me better too.”

The happiness that radiated from him was almost palpable and he felt corny for still being in the honeymoon phase four months into the relationship but he couldn’t help it, all he could do was shake his head and keep going. “Alright, next question. What is the theme song of our relationship?”

“Oh that’s a good one.” She states pensively, tapping her chin with her index finger. “Maybe, ‘Right There’ by Ariana ft. Big Sean. Cause I’m your number one girl who got the top spot title.”

Jack lets out a laugh, smacking his thigh. “Who needs a genie in a bottle if I already got you? Granted all my wishes and shit, I like that.”

“Your turn Z.”

She gasps a little at a question on the screen. “Okay I need to know this. Which of the five senses are most sensual to you?”

He raises his eyebrows, deep in thought, thinking back to their various intimate encounters. “This might be super nerdy and artsy of me but I think it’s gotta be hearing. Not just because music is so important to me and that may be a part of it but hearing you is intoxicating sometimes. And I’m not even being sexual, I'm just talking about your speaking voice. It relaxes me and calms me and yeah it turns me on hearing you moan or say my name. Shit like that. So yeah, hearing for sure.”

“Good fucking answer. I feel like Steve Harvey right now, but that’s a good ass answer.”

They spent a little over two hours going through the questions and digging deep. Zoey left shortly after they were done to grab something from the office while Jack and EJ got a workout in. He showered and came home to find her in the bathroom singing their theme song, hitting every note. He’d been waiting for this day for so long he had to get in there with her.

“See I knew you could sing but I didn’t know you could sing. Jesus Christ, you sound incredible.” He told her as soon as the door was closed.

“Thank you.” She laughed. “How was your workout?”

“It was fine but I’m not here to talk about that. Finish your song. Sing to me, please.” He engulfed her in a hug, basking in the warmth of the steamy room as they relaxed into each other a bit further.

Jack began to gently sway them back and forth as Zoey finished the song, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat. She looked up to meet his loving gaze and he slowly leaned in, bringing their lips together, closing any distance that was left between them. She smiled into the kiss, still mentally pinching herself at the reality that was her life, everything was so much more raw and emotionally driven now that they were official and every part of her wanted to scream that she loved him at the top of her lungs. But she couldn’t, not until she knew he felt the same. Part of her still needed to protect herself from the first time she put herself out there for him and he needed to make that first move to drive them forward. Today was a huge step in understanding his emotions but Zoey still wanted him to say those words first.

“You’re everything I could ever want. Please know that.” He whispered, their noses still touching. It wasn’t exactly what she had hoped for but, good things come to those who wait. “Being with you is better than anything I could’ve ever dreamt up, so thank you. Thank you for being a dream come true.” He said with another peck. “Now I feel like I gotta ask, Zoey, what do you want?” He laughed quietly.

Zoey wrapped her arms around his neck to bring him even closer, taking a deep breath before pulling back. “Well I’m so glad you asked because I have a list. Let me go get it and read it to you.” He followed her to her room and she dug through her bedside table drawer for a neatly folded piece of pink paper.

“I want to be cared for and to care for someone. But not in that corny way where we cook each other five course meals and leave hug coupons but in a way that’s just simple, like little intimate acts of service here and there. I want trust and communication and commitment that knows no bounds. I want passion but in a delicate way. I want to be treated like royalty but manhandled when the situation calls for it.” She tosses the paper on the bed and walks back over to him, cupping his face in her hands.

She continues, “I want all of those things but only if you’re the one that I’m with, because what I really want is to do everything that is humanly imaginable in this world…with you. That’s what the fuck I want.”

Jack’s smile reaches his ears. “Ask and you shall receive, baby. You will have everything on that list, believe that.”

Taglist

@jackharloww

@killatravtramp

@middlechild404

@harlowcomehome

@itsyagirljaz

@iknowdatsrightbih

#jack harlow #jack harlow x oc #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow fanfic #jackman thomas harlow #jack x zoey #Spotify

[witchthewriter]

𝐈𝐧 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

⤷ gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!  

a/n: not with them together - separately guys, separately

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ        

𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝: Your families are warring against each other. Your parents despise the other, and you’re forbidden from seeing your love. But your passion is too much to deny, so you break your family’s rules and see the man you are in love with. 

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿

𝑼𝒃𝒃𝒆

・Feels guilty about going against his family’s wishes

・Wants to tell his brothers so much but he knows it will cause so much conflict

・Feels guilt but no shame

・You meet in the woods, in an old shed that has been long abandoned. 

・Both your homes are too busy and there isn’t enough privacy for you two sneak into each other’s rooms. 

・But you both use the excuse that you’re going to train 

・And no one asks hours later why you’re sweaty and out of breath 

・You talk a lot. About life, your families, the past, your childhoods - everything. The conversations go so deep that he will randomly smile at you to lighten the mood

・He’s a lot more emotionally mature than most men. Because he was forced to grow up quickly (Ragnar was away, so he was like a father to his siblings)

・Gave you a pendant to carry/wear. It’s of Mjölnir, Thor’s hammer, with Viking runes etched into the silver. 

・You love him because he makes you laugh. He understands you like no one else 

・When you have arguments with your family, you want to run to Ubbe and tell him all about it

・Ubbe gives great advice, because he’s self-aware and can shift his perspective from his own

・He has cried at night because he missed you so much. He was also confused and didn’t know how this relationship would play out. All Ubbe knew was that he loved you and his family hated yours. 

・The first person to figure it out was Sigurd, but he swore to keep it a secret. If anyone knew, especially Ivar, you would be in great danger

𝑹𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒐

・Felt guilty at first, but he ignored that feeling. It was easy to do when you were in front of him.

・Feels no guilt, but does feel shame (he’s constantly fighting that feeling. Not just because of you, but because of his own choices in life)

・What is difficult for him is not showing you love in public. Having to pretend that you’re an enemy. It’s very hard. 

・In a way, Rollo feels like he needs to make a choice. Either you or his family. You haven’t told him that, or brought up any kind of notion that there needs to be a choice - well, not yet anyway. 

・But in his heart he knows. Because Rollo isn’t a man that can glue people together. He’s either all or nothing. 

・He sneaks into your room and spends hours with you. 

・You bond over feeling like outcasts, or overshadowed by a sibling/family member

・If you have a close sibling, then they find out but keep your secret

・At first Rollo was only after you because you were the enemy’s daughter/son. He knew this would cause chaos and ruin both you and your family. But he fell in love with you. 

・Ragnar knew of the ruse, but he didn’t know that Rollo’s feelings became true. 

・That the game had turned much trickier than intended 

・So now Rollo has to deceive both sides. That’s why he feels like he needs to make a choice. 

・Rollo surprises you with his knowledge about you - he remembers the important things you tell him. Like your favourite flowers, happiest childhood memories etc. 

・Gave you a dagger, so you can look after yourself when he isn’t able 

𝑵𝑺𝑭𝑾 🔞minors dni!

I tried to make this as gender inclusive as possible. Also, I’m serious when I say no one under the age of eighteen!

𝑼𝒃𝒃𝒆

・A caring and gentle lover. 

・He likes to relish in the feel of you, the taste and weight of you

・His favourite position is cowgirl or missionary. He likes to look into your eyes and watch your reactions. 

・Likes to cum inside you. Ubbe has a breeding kink -

・And has Mummy Issues, so he would definitely be more of a sub 

・He’s very lighthearted as well. There may be moments where he gets so turned on that his humour disappears, but that’s only sparingly. He usually has a smile on his face. 

・Doesn’t want to hurt you, but if you like it rough then you have to couch him along. 

   “Ubbe, it’s okay. I want you to pull my hair.”

“Okay but I don’t understand it.” (He says this under his breath)

・Loves to watch you undress

𝑹𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒐

trigger warning ... blood play

・Sex is very hot and fast. There’s a lot of energy being shared between the two of you. Like a physical exchange of how you feel about each other 

・Heavy breathing, hard pounding and the sound of skin slapping. Once Rollo has you in his grip, you cannot think about anything else. 

・Has a size kink

・Rollo’s favourite position is doggy. Or laying completely on top of you, holding you in place while he pumps in and out of you

・He daydreams about fucking you on every surface in your home. Tables, chairs, beds, the floor. It’s what he thinks about when he pleasures himself. 

・Bites your ear when he’s inside you. Like a rabid animal, Rollo is needy and fierce

・(If you get your period) he loves fucking you. The blood turns him on, mixed with his seed ... when you’ve been away and it’s the first time you’re alone, he’ll lick the blood and cum off his fingers

Tagged: @biancathecool. 

#rollo x reader #ubbe x reader #rollo headcanons #ubbe #ubbe ragnarsson #ubbe ragnarsson headcanons #vikings #vikings headcanons #vikings headcanon #rollo x gender neutral reader #vikings x gender neutral reader #headcanons #inclusive reader #witch the writer #secret relationship headcanons #vikings preferences #preferences

[yellowstarwater]

Okay everyone I woke up randomly at 3AM and instead of going back to sleep decided to binge watched Part Two of Inside Job which spoiler alert only has eight episodes this time?!!! What the fuck?!!!! Any way these are some of my takeaways from this season. I will be doing an episode by episode analysis later but for now theses are my initial thoughts!

Spoiler Warning!!!!!!!!Seriously do not read if you don’t want the season to be spoiled!!!!

First let’s get the biggest part of the season out of the way the Reagan and Ron relationship(romantic relationship) And I know I might end up pissing off some shippers, who might have ended up liking them together. But they were doomed from the start and this was hinted at from the start of their relationship. I will go into more detail when I do the episode by episode analysis but if you look at it objectively it’s true. Now let me admit to you now that I am a Breagan shipper(and yes I will be talking about the few good moments we got this season) but the running theme for most of Reagan and Ron’s relationship was one them both wanting different things when it came to their careers and two stuff going wrong whenever an issue about their relationship came up. Ron made it clear from the beginning that he wanted out of working for the shadow government. He was tired and guilty and only stuck around longer because he fell in love with Reagan. He doesn’t want to stay and change things for the better because deep down he doesn’t think it is possible. Reagan in the meantime resents her job but deep down isn’t ready to give it up completely. She believes that she can change things for the better and wants to be in charge of making those changes happen. And even though she would be much better off walking away and forgetting her job and just being with Ron. She knows that she’ll never be able to completely stop because that’s who she is. And this is why their relationship would probably have never worked out. They were not on the same page from the very beginning. I do believe that overall this was a good relationship for Reagan to have in the long run but it was never healthy even Mothman pointed it out!

Now for the next important part of the season Rand’s progression and eventual downfall. While we can all agree that Rand is an asshole. This season goes out of its way to tell you that the reason for Rand’s behavior is because he wants what he believes to be his old happy life. To the point of rebooting reality just to get to a universe where both his ex-wife and daughter still love him. The downside is of course that nothing he does brings him what he wants it’s brings the gang to some of the things they think they want but they end up being wrong. And betraying the shadow government makes him end up in jail. This was a great example of how trying to make thing’s perfect for yourself could actually make everything else a lot worse. As for JR I would feel sorry for him if he hadn’t been willing to blow up the universe because he didn’t get an alternative perfect life. I do get why he is the way he is though!

Next we have the Reagan and Gigi friendship. No notes I loved it even though they try to explain away the change by pointing out that Reagan has no female friends. I thought it was sweet that Gigi was there for Reagan, giving her advice and helping out when needed. I hope their friendship continues.

Next Glenn, Myc and Andre, I’m grouping them all together because yes they have some good new developments here and there but they don’t really change overall. We just understand Myc slightly better after his High School reunion.

And now for all the Breagan shippers out there! I was worried going in that with Ron as Reagan’s love interest that there wouldn’t be any good Breagan shipping moments but god was I glad to be wrong! From Brett trying to get Reagan to go to therapy for her own good to Reagan being there to help Brett at least stand up a little to his family. To Reagan also deciding to keep her best friend out of danger and to Brett encouraging her to leave even though he would miss her was just pure shipping gold. (Again I will go into more detail in the episode by episode analysis) If the writers goal was to get me to ship them more then they succeeded! Because Reagan and Brett continue to have the most solid relationship of anyone in the show!

Final thoughts, while I know a lot of people were turned off by Ron I do think he was needed for Reagan’s journey(which wow kind of sounds missed up that way) I do like that he was a red herring, where I’m sure we all thought he was secretly a villain (or Reagan’s secret brother) we were all expecting him to turn on Reagan but he never did and that is nice. While I’m not sure if he would ever come back I think his ending made sense for what we learned about him. And despite being heartbroken right now I hope that Reagan will still eventually try to move on with someone else(cough Brett cough cough) I would hate to see her not trying to have a New Romantic relationship because she thinks Ron is the only person who could ever love her.

PS

Tamiko did you really just break up with Keanu Reeves because he was older than you thought!!!😤 That is so stupid but in canon with the idea that I had that Tamiko only dates younger men.

PSS

If anyone is wondering when I’ll update my story ‘Probably not a good idea but we were drunk’ I just want to say that I was waiting for the new season! So that I could add elements of it to my fanfic. Plus I have a ton of other fanfics, plus I started working on my Master’s degree this month….plus I have a YouTube and a TikTok account for tarot readings! The point is I am only 32 and am doing a lot! I will update soon….or at least before the end of this year I just got to rewatch this series again!



#inside job #inside job spoilers #reagan ridley #brett hand #breagan #I can’t wait for more of this show!