#this is why i needed to know that one thing lmfao

[highlifeboat]

listening to the girls’ voicelines while fighting ethan within context is heartbreaking, but outside of context is prettu funny lmfao dani literally says “I’m telling mother on you!” (her tone sounds betrayed in the fight but) she really is the baby of the family huh?

Daniela's voice lines when you fight her are honestly SO funny

Because they range from "Poor Manthing, no place to run?" to "I'm telling Mother on you!" to "Good~ Now harder." to "Why are you doing this?!"

Like the range between taunting/acting like a bratty child/flirting/sounding betrayed is insane. Also I think she's the only daughter that calls Ethan by name, the other two only ever call him "Manthing".

All the lines where she sounds betrayed are kind of sad tbh. She has way too many lines where it sounds like Ethan was her lover that betrayed her. (Granted she does have a line that's literally "We're through!" so..)

Actually there's some interesting things in their dialogs. (I don't think all of these are in-game, or at least I haven't heard them, but they are voice lines by the voice actors for the game so I take them as canon)

Cassandra has a few voice lines that are "Sometimes I want the first bite, you know?"/"I need to get a taste in before my sister gets in the way."/"Hair, skin, nails, I get what's left." Which, to me, implies Cassandra is at the "bottom" of their hierarchy, not Daniela like one would imagine. Which is interesting considering Cassandra seems to be the avid hunter, and arguably more capable than Daniela is. (Bela even alludes to the fact Daniela is the least dependable between the two) I assume Bela is the top of their hierarchy because she's the eldest and the "brains" so to speak, but considering Daniela is neither as smart as Bela or as much of a hunter as Cassandra, it's surprising Cassandra wouldn't be "above" her. Unless, of course, Daniela is Alcina's favourite and gets more favourable treatment simply for being the youngest.

She also has a lot of lines about being able to "smell" Ethan so... Bloodhound Cassandra Dimitrescu real and canon. (Which explains why she sniffed his blood off the napkin

Bela has a lot of voice lines insulting Cassandra and Daniela. "Worthless sisters, I have to do everything myself."/"Can't depend on my sisters, especially Daniela...."/"Where are those stupid sisters of mine?"/"I'm always taking care of their mess." But the other two don't really have any insulting their other two sisters. Cassandra says Bela "complains so much", and Daniela says her sisters are terrible because "They're always too busy to play.", but Bela says a lot of those lines like she's so tired of them. (Granted that could just be an eldest sibling thing)

Daniela is also the only sister that compliments the others. "Have you met Bela? She's the smart one."/"I wish I could hunt like Cassandra." Which is just... adorable. Peak little sister looking up to her older sisters as inspiration.

Daniela also has a line that's something like "I'll be even more beautiful, you'll see! Just like Mother!" which mirrors Alcina's line of "One day I'll be beautiful, just like Mother Miranda."

#you just know daniela says that ''i'm telling mother on you!!'' all the time #she really is just the baby that can do no wrong #love that for her honestly #asks #anons #daniela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu

[fumifooms]

I think you made me start shipping Marchil

Your posts got me thinking about their dynamic then I wrote a fic that was supposed to be platonic but midway through I realized it could actually be interpreted as romantic too and now I'm just sad about how little time they'll have together

First of all, you have a lovely icon, second, I’m so honored… I finally read Not a bad way to go and it was soo so good like. My god!!! Pre-canon is underused and you did so many interesting things with it.

It sounded like a cruel joke, that the one who needed her concern the most was also the one least interested in it.

^^^ go read it go read it

Chilchuck was drunk enough that he needed to hold onto the walls not to fall, but apparently still sober enough to remember emotional vulnerability was his worst enemy, as he made sure to avert her eyes and said: “Namari made me come talk to you ” to make it clear he wasn't being nice voluntarily.

Yeah.

“Of course I'm scared of dying.” He scoffed. Did she really think so little of him? “But if I could choose, I would want to die doing something I love, like drinking. Or maybe fucking,”

Maybe you wish you didn’t know but my new favorite HC because of this is that Chil dies yes prematurely not of liver failure though but during coitus. Especially if marchil, the thought of him busting a nut and his heart giving out makes me laugh so hard. My god. Lmao. Oh god. Lmfao. Worst day of her life

Marcille knew Chilchuck wasn't a kid, but she often struggled to take him seriously as an adult because he was just so adorable and small. In this moment, however, she saw them exactly for what they were, even if it was just a glimpse. A sheltered, naive little girl trying to tell a tired, much more experienced man how to live the rest of his life.

Standing ovation

She tried to find an explanation to give him, but she couldn't even find one for herself. Why would she miss him? He was just Chilchuck, her coworker, Chilchuck who was cold, aloof, sometimes crass, evasive, and even outright mean. He who was level headed, reliable, trustworthy, perceptive and clever. He who had the least time left, even in a best case scenario. “I guess that despite your best efforts, there's still a lot to like about you.”

This fic goes so hard, standing ovation pt 2

“I just think it's better if we don't get too close. Don't you agree?” “I… maybe” she said, uncertain as he didn't know how to feel about that. Caring about people would only hurt her in the wrong run, she knew that, but unfortunately she couldn't help it.

I looove how they can be read to be similar on this aspect. My hand clenching around my phone as I rear up to rant about Marcille and the way she does keep people at an arm’s length subconsciously again my god my goood. Obsessed with this obsessed with this, underused for marchil. Terrified of loss through death vs rejection duo I love youuu

Brilliant ending I’m in shambles. I’m not gonna spoil it

You get marchil so much you truly do. The way they mesh, the way their views on mortality clash and both soothe & bruise… He doesn’t have much time left even in best case scenario (which Mr I won’t eat well I’ll drink and smoke a lot I’ll stress all day every day is determined to not make happen) which makes it all the more meaningful for Marcille’s arc when she learns from him to finally enjoy the present moments… It’ll only be a fraction of her life, but to him he’s giving her the rest of his life. What are some decades of love worth? Worth it, surely, if nothing else

#My only nitpick is that canonically they rarely hang out after work and you wrote that they did it often but that’s lit the only thing #Chilchuck tims #dunmeshi memes #ask #I have friends big fans of the timeline where Chil is one of those who miraculously live to 70 #Marcille is always bracing herself year after year to lose him and it just becomes anticlimatic #Chilchuck the old fart grumpy husband who REFUSES to die #I wanna write pre-canon marchil as well eventually… #Anyways i hope u don’t mind me putting ur fic on blast!! I liked it a lot and again i couldn’t be happier i made you like the ship #Or even write fic like omg… i hope you make more!! You got them down real well #Thank you for the ask and thank you for the content!!! Made my day. Bith when u sent it and when i rea the fic i was having a bad day #Like his dad WOULD say that. ‘I heard you crying what the fuck’ aughh they’re so so compelling pre canon oh my god #I looove ‘platonic or romantic you choose’ fics and tackling alcoholic Chil is an instant like. The 1 flirty line was a nice treat #Marchil union is brainstorming Coraline AUs btw they all go so hard I’m looking forward to that wave #Tried to keep this a lil more composed than the ao3 comments I make lmaoo but yeah know that i’d do rabid keysmashes about it #‘You’re easy to love despite it all/even if you try to make it hard to’ is such a core of marchil

[xiiiwayfinders]

#marluxia #larxene #sora #riku #soriku #marlar #ansem seeker of darkness #aeleus #xigbar #terra kh #luxord #xemnas #organization 13 #organization xiii #kingdom hearts #kh text post #text post #text post meme #this is why i needed to know that one thing lmfao

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

I think fans want Jason to be a good person or be becoming one. To have a character that is well meaning and compassionate but decided murder is ok and to stand against main heroes who’s beliefs and actions go against the people he cares about and wants in his life. It’s confusing for people. People want their fav characters to be happy. But Jason can’t have his family’s support and follow his moral code. He’s cares about people and Gotham, and he’s an asshole who kills. It’s messy. It’s not black and white. I don’t even think Jason cares about being a good person or in the right anymore. I think he cares about what will save the most people instead.

Oh my goodness gracious I’ve been bamboozled

Batman’s definition of Good is not synonymous with absolute good/right no matter how much dc insists it is. Torture, battery/assault, surveillance, those are all condemnable actions too. I won’t get into the exhausting and frankly dumb debate of comic book morality wrt killing because I’ve already reblogged plenty of posts from other people who explained my thoughts on the matter far better than I ever have the patience to sit down and articulate. I also just think the notion that there’s something to be done about fictional characters who kill nazis and senseless murderers is stupid. Jason’s point is that the “main” heroes’ sanitized definition of right has its unaddressed holes and flaws which ultimately result in more preventable fatalities, and that he’ll work to correct those missing spots.

He doesn’t not care about doing what’s right. What he doesn’t care about (at least during his Winick characterization) is whether Batman thinks he’s right or wrong, because he sees the flaws in Batman’s methodology (and since he has a mind of his own). Batman’s methods alone cannot address Arkham’s revolving door and the rogues that come and go through those doors who have no intention (or capability from the doylist pov) of ever changing or undergoing redemption. Jason knows that he’s minimizing the number of preventable deaths by killing his targets, typically Characters Who Simply Do Fucked Up Shit Just Because, Why The Fuck Not?

Secondly, Jason is compassionate … to a fault. That was his fatal flaw. If he wasn’t so hell-bent on saving his potential birth mother he just met from that bomb despite everything she did to him prior, he could have protected himself instead, however slim his odds of survival were. What about his relationship with his other parents? He was a caregiver during his early childhood years for Catherine, until her death. Even mature adults who are financially stable find being a caregiver to a dying parent to be extremely burdensome on their bodies and minds, but he never complained about it or resented Catherine for being unable to care for him. Despite how none of his parents have really been what he needed them to be, he doesn’t blame them for their failings, and even continues to think highly of them (Bruce included).

And post-death? Enter Lost Days. Despite being dead set on plotting his revenge on Bruce, he constantly sidelines this in order to save other victims who are helpless like he once was. His own anger, trauma, and mission don’t remain his priority. (Sound familiar? Something something my own trauma above my son’s, mission above all else, etc.). Why would he waste precious time and risk his own life to do this if he wasn’t empathetic towards these victims or didn’t care about doing the right thing. He is simultaneously horribly traumatized and full of rage, and also incapable of ignoring what’s happening to victims around him (even as he claims that it’s indeed not his priority). And in that same vein, the entire premise of his rebirth outlaws run was that he doesn’t care if the public views him as a villain, an outlaw, so long as he can protect Gotham. And anyway where is this portrayal of him not caring about being in the right anymore. Almost every modern Jason story is about him grappling with where he stands with Bruce/Batman. During the early 2000s was probably the last time he did not care (hello, tentatodd??).

Jason has very evidently been portrayed as a kind and compassionate character. He is also simultaneously a calculated killer who doesn’t hesitate to kill when he deems necessary, and does so without remorse. It’s called being a Complex Character With An Edge™ that as you said, people so often claim to love. However when he fulfills that latter part, that seems to upset people because “killing bad”, and they then try to shave off and round out all his edges and claim he shouldn’t be that angry. In that case I guess you should just stick to liking traditional one-dimensional characters instead of claiming to like Jason but then encouraging his character assassination attempt by dc. Lol.

Lastly, who said anything about the batfam making Jason happy? Just because he’s written nowadays to want acceptance from Bruce (a shoddy attempt at forcing a non-existent nuclear batfamily), doesn’t mean that it’s a sound decision or that it does his character justice. I certainly don’t empathize with the idea that Jason needs the family’s approval or acceptance to be happy. (And anyway he has enough outlets for angst and pain aside from the batfam hello explore his other sources of trauma and do more deep dives into how he thinks when he’s alone). I don’t want them to magically make up and become one big happy family. This is not disney Lol. Besides, there are plenty of stories from dc that have that type of “wholesome” (hate that word utilization) characterization for Jason (Li’l Gotham, Tiny Titans, wfa, and even new stuff like the brave and the bold mini) and that is sufficient imo. Jason fans who are invested in the character deserve accurate, nuanced characterization and well-written stories, whether they be from his robin days (e.g., Batman: The Cult) or as red hood.

#fellas. ya know what else is wholesome? avenging your own death #you can have moments of ‘reconciliation’ or peace but still maintain a strained relationship which is far more realistic #‘he’s an asshole that kills’ and Bruce is an asshole who doesn’t kill. lol. #you can’t claim Jason’s conflicted and disturbed but go on to say Bruce is perfectly sane those two are mutually exclusive #also please realize that a character acting out of anger does not mean they lack compassion. #implying that he doesn’t care about doing the right thing is saying the same thing that person said; #that he doesn’t actually know what he’s doing. that he hasn’t thought through his moral stance. #‘Jason didn’t put any thought into anything he did in utrh he’s just a poor mentally ill lost soul who needs the batfam’s love to heal 💔’ #🤝 #‘jokers just a poor victim of society 😔 he just needs someone to understand him and maybe one day he’ll heal and realize he’s wrong’ #what they both have in common is that they’re misunderstood in opposite directions #the joker doesn’t have a point to prove. there’s no deeper meaning behind what he does. everything is a joke to him. #he isn’t unaware of right vs wrong lmfao #jason todd #dc #asks #my post #and I think you’re implying that he’s utilitarian based on that last part but I don’t think he is #user mintacle posted a few metas regarding that and again they explain it much better than I prob could #anyway it isn’t difficult to understand his character if you know why you like him and you actually read his stories #that post specifically was from someone who clearly said they did not read the comic so. technically they’re on their own wavelength #edit: grammar

[nacrelysis]

can't help but think like, bro. if you wanted to attack the archive, good job i guess?

but if you actually wanted to erase the queer + nsfw + queer nsfw content that ao3 houses...good fucking luck, dude (sarcastic).

people are always going to create. people are always going to be exploring the meaning of humanity or morality or any complex emotion through their art.

governments and groups alike have tried to censor literature in history. that sort of sentiment has indeed led to book burnings and regimes and horrible ways of attempting to control the human mind. but do you know what it didn't do? it didn't fucking stop those writers. it didn't stop their responses. it didn't stop efforts to restore and preserve after the worst had passed.

like, if that is your unironic objective for this whole situation. i don't know what to tell you. lol. humans, we are always going to create. queer people, we're always going to have pride in our identity and expression. authors and artists and creators, we are always writing and drawing and creating for ourselves, for our inquiry, and for our communities.

if ao3 really goes down for a prolonged period of time, people will find other ways. if you take away one website, people will move to others. if you take every one of those down (and i hope it drives you bankrupt doing so), then, eventually, people will create their own archives. online. in real life. of course it won't be the same. and it'll be difficult. but, i guess my point is that we won't stop.

like imagine telling a human to stop making art. lol. companies will stop doing something if it doesn't make a profit, but we aren't creating for money. what we're creating for, our causes and motives and passions, are things a cyber attack/acts of hate will always fail to stifle and take away.

#ao3 #ao3 ddos attack #ao3 cyber attack #ao3 down #i am tired yet this would not leave my mind #i guess this post is just here to like #maybe help someone feel better or less stressed about this whole situation #but it really does make one think huh #about the things that truly drive society and why money isn't always one of them #and the value of art in resistance + expression #WELP it is late and it is what it is #apologies for any typos or miscommunication i am eeby and needs to sleeby #why does hate push down anyways if not because it knows we'll only stay down as long as they keep the boot on our necks #lmfao

[pierregaslays]

:(

#i literally feel VIOLENTLY ill at the fact the hospital handled my mum’s passing so badly that her funeral is exactly ONE MONTH after it #i’ll forever be furious and angry and hurt and traumatised by the way they handled it #like A MONTH #it should not be happening this long after #and it’s her birthday on sunday so maybe i’m just feeling ten times worse because of that #but it’s not fair #it’s never gonna be fair #why the FUCK did she get taken from me like this #and then having to be the only one who knew about her funeral plans bc she only told me #and then everybody including my dad tells me how strong i am #IM NOT STRONG!!?!!?!??!? #i’m a girl who needs her mama. i’m just a girl who is so lost and confused and needs her mama #i literally want 2 die #tw death #i turned my tv off and immediately started crying bc i felt like the worst person in the world #did i not love her enough #should i have been better to get #*her #idk i just want her to know i adored her #and i need to hear her voice and get a hug #one of the last things she said to me was ‘i love you more’ well i love you most so how about that #tw grief #i am never getting over losing her #please . feel free to let me rant i just feel like i can’t talk to my dad or family bc like idk . #i always talked to my mum about my emotions and well! that can’t happen anymore lmfao 😭 #i just need a place to vent the HELL out of my feelings bc i am not going back to therapy

[ashersanity]

I'm starting to feel bad for you bro I don't know how you deal with some of these anons, every time I receive one ask thirsting for me I'm already loading the shotgun. You have the tolerance of a saint. Anyway hope you're doing great 🤝Sorry for adding another ask to your (already) infinite amount.

I get harassed in real life too so this is nothing, really. What are they gon do? Molest me with words?

#throwback to that one time a girl stalked me for months #I may be distracted most of the time but I know a pattern when I see one #think I wouldn’t notice? #only stopped when I collected enough evidence on her and threatened her #why do I need to take things to the extreme for them to stop #so yeah. I’ve had much worse so nothing much fazes me anymore #no. this isn’t a challenge. #I am trying not to kill myself. this is the last thing I need (not you lmfao) #hope you’re doing well too. still enjoy your art a lot. don’t push yourself too much either #mutuals in my inbox ^^ #asher gets asks

[moregraceful]

Whenever I feel my age in hockey fandom, I remind myself firmly: no matter what, Marc-Édouard Vlasic will always be older than you. Pictures - 1) Kitty Cat Max on patrol; 2) Magnus Chrona (6'5) standing next to a U6 goalie at the anthem; 3) full moon at night.

#having a vaguely discomfiting week #uhhh i don't know. too much and not enough to do. mostly not enough #i've been applying to some deeply hilarious silicon valley jobs #one i was editing my cover letter for and thought man. i could do this with the irc for way less money with way more stress #(international rescue committee i mean) #and then i went for it anyway. i would be good at it! i've just seen the exact same job description for charities working with refugees #the bay area is so interesting. i'm always like i love it! it's home! but how much of that is only having left it for college #but then i think about starting a new life somewhere else alone and i'm like god that sounds exhausting #lost control of my schedule again btw. forgot i had about 800 things on the calendar #i actually forgot i had therapy for four weeks straight in the last two months it's been such a mess #which i think is what happens when i have no external schedule #again i do not dream of capitalism. but i do dream of someone else giving me tasks with a set number of hours attached #if an anarachist commune told me my job was to snap the ends of string beans off for four hours i'd be like hell yeah. 4 hour task #why snapping the ends off of string beans SUCH a social activity btw #that was like THE kitchen task my mother would trust me and my sister to do on major holidays and so i have such weird fond memories of #sitting at the table snapping the ends off of string beans and talking with my sister while our family buzzed around us #i mean a lot of my core child and teenage memories are my sister and i hanging out while our parents marriage fell apart around lmfao #where was i going with this. oh right. need a job mostly bc i am going stir crazy but also bc i started private ice skating lesson which are #expensive. definitely going to help!! but expensive #but idk i am haunted and beset by living with my parents in my 30s so more reasons (practice) to get out of rhe houae #*out of the house while mostly unemployed...the better #the story of this post can be boiled down to a couple of things i think: 1. no hoes. 2. no job. 3. if i keep making these posts i have to #take more pictures of things #(<- very live in the moment kind of guy who forgets things later bc they didn't take pictures) #fresno oilers.txt

[cleric4vampire]

A fun anecdote about Aune's name —

So, I've had this note on my phone for YEARS that is just a list of names that I enjoy that sound at least vaguely appropriate for a fantasy setting. I pick from it whenever I'm playing a video game and need a name for my character. The name Aune had long lived on this list, but I had yet to use it.

Before I even got my hands on the EA version of the game, I already knew I wanted to play a half-Drow Cleric of Eilistraee. Though I didn't know that I'd be multiclassing her as a bard yet in the full release, I was at least RPing that she was a dancer and musician, as per the Sword-Dancer tradition. I came up with the bones of her backstory — that a tragic and mysterious event that occurred at the time of her birth gave her a unique understanding & intimacy with the forces of life and death, and as such, ending up as a Life Domain cleric felt right to her. This seesawing between two opposing forces would be symbolic of her journey in understanding her own morality and concept of self. (Also, from a meta standpoint, this backstory gave me the space to change my mind and class as a necromancer while still keeping the same character, because I just really love necromancers.)

I also already knew that she would live some time as a slave, as she'd be born to a parent with a decent social status in Lolthite society (so raising a half-elf would be unthinkable). And of course this would play into her personal connection to Eilistraee.

Well, some time passed after that, and it occurred to me that maybe Aune wasn't an appropriate name for a Drow. Obviously at the end of the day it doesn't really matter, but these sorts of things have a way of bothering me until I can't function anymore lmao so I decided to look up a naming resource. I found a detailed list of prefixes and suffixes in the Drow language, along with associated meanings, allowing you to build a name that's suitable.

WELLLLL imagine my surprise when I found:

Prefix Aun—, meaning: crypt, dead, deathly, death Suffix —aun, meaning: dance, dancer, life, player *Suffix —e, meaning: servant, slave, vassal

yeah. I was honestly a bit scared lol

but if I had been toying with the idea of playing a different Tav, that discovery IMMEDIATELY put the idea out of my head.

Aune was ~ meant to be ~

*Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, Aune's given name was Aun, but the —e was added on when she was first sold as a slave. In present time, she refuses to drop the letter; she prefers to keep it as a reminder of what she endured and how it has shaped the person she has become.

another fun little detail is that the Aun— is the feminine version of this prefix, and —aun is the masculine of the suffix. I was happy about it turning out that way because Aune is agender

#I've been meaning to share this for ages but I was just too lazy to type it up lol #but I needed to get it done because it's the most special thing and is just one of the many reasons why I love her so much #technically she could have been named Aunaun but I wasn't about to do that to her lmfao #oc: aune #oc: durge!aune #also originally I didn't know I'd be creating a durge version of aune but that ended up working so well too! one side moves towards life #the other towards death etc.

[ariesbilly]

the whole like "cool excuse, still murder" mindset has really rotted peoples brains like obviously there are certain situations that are just inexcusable and cant be reasoned but when you look at the wide spectrum of humanity like.... many things do in fact have not necessarily excuses but certainly explanations. but yall are so focused on everything being definitively right or wrong that you wont even allow yourself to consider the grey areas and the fact yall cant even do this with fictional characters.... appalling behavior quite frankly

#highkey gets on my nerves when people are like 'i dont wanna hear excuses for why you did xyz' #when the person is simply explaining the events/thought processes that led them to doing whatever #like i for one would like to be able to understand people but maybe thats just me! #idk how to convey to you two thoughts can exist at the same time #yes someone can do bad things and yes it can stem from a place of trauma or simply being misguided #and that person doesnt need to be held to fire for the rest of eternity if they show meaningful change in behavior like #what is not clicking i dont understand #or when people act like someone being surrounded by shitty circumstances and never knowing anything else should be expected to be a well #adjusted citizen like you are not being realistic right now #idk man yall just annoy the shit outta me and i needed to ramble lmfao #i actually love my mind and how i interact with the world sorry the rest of you get off on being one giant lynch mob i cant relate to that

[lith-myathar]

.

#really really hate how thoughtless and oblivious i can be to my own bad behavior #ill know something is important or that a shouldn't do a particular thing #but over time and assumptions and small acts of carelessnes shit just....fades and accumulates and one day #i look up and ive done something very stupid and hurt someone else #and i didn't feel it happening #my mind will take things and hide them from me is what it feels like. ill know they're there but it fades into the background noise #i am hard on the things in my life including people and relationships. and i am always so vulnerable to my own fuckin lmfao inattentivenes #this is why i struggle so much with the idea of ever having an intimate partner or children. it doesn't matter how much i care. #eventually and inevitably i do damage. #and i know consciously that people make mistakes and all you can do is try to course correct and make it right. but it's better #not to hurt anyone in the first place and i really don't know if i will ever be capable of that. #trying to convince myself this kind of shit is growing pains but man. man. i can't stop being what i am and it really #really feels sometimes like i am just destined to break and neglect #but then that ''im broken'' thing feels like trying to dodge around taking responsibility and improving. and i should be better than that. #but god how tf are you supposed to stop dissociating from the reality of what you're doing when you're. dissociated. #all i can ever think to do is isolate #*sigh* guys i think i might need to graduate to therapy with a trauma specialist #or adjust my medication. god. im so tired. #why is it so gd hard to be a normal decent person. it doesn't seem hard but then

[citriarchive]

you ever just see one (1) post about how characters in AUs will likely be ooc by way of how their backstory is affected by the change in universe and proceed to wonder what the effect of a world where there is an expectation that once you're drawn to your soulmate you Will fall in love with would have on a character whose defining arc is trying to find some semblance of self-worth (<- frothing at the mouth)

i'm gonna put this under a cut bc it's like. mildly heavy character stuff to do with self-worth. not too bad but just in case.

like you'd think it'd be good for him, right. because ny way of having a soulmate he is inherently worthy of being loved by at least one person. but then you remember that he has this Feeling of just. Being Bad. this inherent shame attached to...Being™ thanks to The Horrors. and he has to exist to someone. which raises two problems:

being perceived at all and

(more importantly) the question of even if he does meet his soulmate, even if they do fall in love, is that their soulmate choosing to love him with his flaws? or is it them forcing themselves to resist being poisoned by this nonexistent (but very existent to him) Bad that resides in him? putting up with him? just barely tolerating his existence?

like i genuinely think he might've been excited to have a soulmate when he was younger. and then he got older and things happened and he realized how much inherent terror there is in the concept of being bound to someone who could see him the same way he sees himself.

and i think that makes The Choice to Love™ really important to him. or even more so, the choice to BE loved. the choice to trust nithral's decision, because he trusts nithral. the choice to just. let go and let someone care about him and realize that it's not causing some kind of irreparable damage. in fact, quite the opposite, it seems!

honestly without the context of soulmate AU this sounds like an analysis of their canon relationship and i find that very funny but anyway yeah i'm uhhh EXTREMELY grrrawrawrawr rn. scuttling along my walls screaming at the top of my lungs like a Creature. thank you for listening to my TED talk

#; the citrus speaks #; this bard needs therapy #; lemon thesis moment #; soulmate shenanigans #; healing hands #now that's what i call A Thesis #wow #i did not expect to think this much about this lmfao #i. don't even know if i have anything to add in the tags #i guess just that thinking about the implication of a world where soulmates are a widely known thing‚ if they are #like what exactly does being bound by fate mean in this world #why do people think it inherently means romance #are there parents who hope their kiddos find their soulmates quickly? #parents who hope they never find them? #how many people are like nithral in that they just outright deny even having one? #it's just so fascinating #imagine wanting to worldbuild for the soulmate AU #could be me #is me #help #; lemon's inane ramblings #this has fucking six tags on it girl help

[oceanwithouthermoon]

tired of being called boring cuz i hate toxic ships </33 im sorry i get triggered easily by stuff like that brah, the most toxic my ships r allowed to get before i get triggered is a lil possessiveness and a hint of unhealthy codependency 🤭 beyond that, i literally get sick to my stomach lmao..

do what u want but anyone whose never been abused before does NOT get the right to call ME boring for not liking abusive ships..

#i just think too many people equate them not liking something as it being inherently bad.. why dont we all just shut up.. lmao #do ur thing tbh like if u enjoy reading it and dont condone abuse irl then go ahead #i just will not participate and thats okay bro like we dont all have to like the same things #be an individual bro like we dont all have to have the same likes and dislikes #why do i have to read comments on all my fav fics about how theyre tired of things being 'too fluffy' LEMME ENJOY MY LOVELY FLUFF #if i get a comment like that on one of MY fics it is literally over i will die #anyway.. #okay this is a little fib cuz i am also a huge fan of the cannibalism as a metaphor for love thing. um.. let me have this LMAO. #romanticizing cheating is something i just cant stand though ngl #honestly i dont know why i like toxic codependency and CANNIBALISM but having an affair is where i draw the line.. #i think consent is my issue like i need there to be consent or its over and i cry and throw up from reading it lmfao #i like toxicity when its because they love each other TOO much.. THATS IT.. NO MORE CHEATING NO MORE ONE SIDED ABUSE NO MORE #i will continue to enjoy my super healthy fluffy protective ships 5ever #meows post #fanfic #ao3

[tariah23]

Well, I’m still glad that Gojo was always a character who was growing and learning at least. He’s literally one of my favorite characters of all time now. Like, he’s never been as perfect as how the fans would make him out to be despite canonically being viewed as an absolute nuisance to everyone around him (I don’t think his peers necessarily hate him but a lot of them probably hate to see him coming and the ones who’ve dealt with him long enough to consider him a friend, tolerate him and groan whenever he opens his mouth, too 😭… out of love. He’s extremely childish so there is only sm the other adults around him can take and to an extent, his students. I think the only characters in canon who adore him and their eye’s sparkle whenever he’s around, and being a silly teacher was Yuuji and Miwa (she asked him for his autograph (he’s the most famous sorcerer in the jjk world) and when she was alone, she did a little dance in the empty hallway 🥺…) from what we’ve seen even though the others still care about him, too. They just find him rather annoying, which he most definitely is. And he does it on purpose. He plays too much.)

#I’m also not usually one to get annoyed whenever ppl shit on the things I like #like I’m an adult sorry idc 😵‍💫 #but it’s always annoying seeing ppl who know nothing about the story complaining about it #even just as recently with the Gojo being racist shit 😭.. #like he’s a really great character despite all of that and even though Gege’s #execution of that could’ve been better or didn’t need to happen at all #because idk what gege was doing even though I do strongly believe that he used a moment like this to showcase Gojo’s ignorance and #that how he’s also human and makes mistakes since if you’re familiar with the series Gojo isn’t really treated like person at all #more like a deity and he doesn’t like that #but he’s never been one to voice his personal feelings and talk about his trauma ever #he gets treated like a god and because of this he’s never felt like he could truly connect with other people #so that’s why he puts on that whole act of being overly friendly/ playing with others and even rude to shut others out because of his #aversion to opening his traumatized self To other ppl like he’s so cool #and when he’s friendly he gives the others just enough of his affection so that he wouldn’t be worried about and not have others pry #but he’s incredibly flawed as well #I feel like gege could’ve showed Gojo being ‘humbled’ some other kind of way over the racism tho 😭. But it’s fine lmfao #I’m still so grateful that he had Gojo actually apologize instead of waving Miguel off like he didn’t matter because like I’ve said before #he literally never apologizes (this is probably the first time that I’ve ever seen gojo apologize to anyone in canon I’m so serious 🗿) #that’s literally not part of him #like he feels regret but he never apologies or shows that he actually cares about what others are expressing to him when they’re upset with #him. like this is crazy. but it shows that he did care about the mistake that he made which I appreciate…. like idk how I would’ve felt #about his character if he showed that he could care less when hurting someone like this🗿….. #I adore him so much sorry sorry for taking about anime I’m just 😭…. ❤️❤️❤️ #rambling #I’m glad that everyone is fucking with Miguel now because he is a really interesting character even though we haven’t seen much of him #he’s one of the few ppl who Gojo trusted enough to look after someone who he cared about despite the horrors #because he knew that Miguel would protect yuuta and do right by him #it’s very 😭❤️…

[piplupod]

one of the cashiers at the grocery store i go to is so fucking fixated on shoplifters and it drives me crazy any time i check out through him (i try to avoid him but his checkout is often the most open/empty - hm! i wonder why! - and im often on a tight schedule w the bus). he brings up shoplifters every opportunity he gets and he seems so convinced that theyre a huge problem.

BUT WHAT REALLY GETS ME ,,, is that today the customer in front of me was needing a price check on one of the items bc it should've come out to be cheaper, so he was kind of apologetic abt it and saying "ah well, yknow, six dollars is six dollars, especially with how expensive groceries are right now" and i was nodding and agreeing (trying to show that i dont mind the wait and also solidarity my guy good for u for speaking up and getting the price fixed on that) AND THE CASHIER AGREES. FULLY ACKNOWLEDGES AND BEMOANS THE FACT THAT GROCERIES ARE CRAZY RN. AND THEN GOES ON TO COMPLAIN ABOUT SHOPLIFTERS. HUH ??????

so you agree that groceries are unreasonably expensive... and that sometimes ppl can't afford them... and yet ....................

#HE MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY CMONNNN THINK ABOUT IT DUDE.... #i knew him in highschool (small town things lol) and im pretty sure he was one of those kids who thought cops were really cool. so. yknow. #not surprised. just annoyed fdjkl #i would say smth like ''oh does ur paycheque get docked if shoplifters come thru or smth?'' but i dont want to piss him off #i would like to remain civil with the cashiers here bc its the only grocery store i can get to most of the time fdsjkl #but like. i would love to find out why he hates shoplifters so much #when i worked at DQ in highschool and ppl stole dilly bars or FULL CAKES... i did not give a single shit #even though the managers and boss would get kind of angry at us (but they knew we couldnt do anything abt it really lmao) #and then we had to put locks on the customer-facing freezers which was a hassle for us #AND STILL. I NEVER FELT ANGRY AT THE SHOPLIFTERS. BECAUSE WHATEVER DUDE LIFE IS EXPENSIVE GO GET THAT ICE CREAM!!! #also i was not paid enough to care LMFAO and i know for a fact that this cashier isn't paid enough either bc my brother used to work there #I DUNNO DUDE. HONESTLY I HAVE MAD RESPECT FOR SHOPLIFTERS #i've potentially done it a few times and its fucking terrifying esp w the amount of cameras installed now fdsjkl #i dont do it now even though i need to more than ever bc i was making myself sick every time i possibly did it #i'd get home and sit in the bathroom for an hour trying to make sure i wasnt about to throw up from the stress fdsjkl #also it was stupid to do honestly (but . needed. so yknow.) bc again. i dont have any other options for accessible grocery stores really #ANYWAYS. fuck that cashier i hope he realizes what a little narc he's being and gains some class consciousness or smth idk #all for one and one for all etc etc etc we're all in this together my guy #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[pepprs]

hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.

#purrs #the premises of counseling / therapy are that you need to have boundaries and be self sufficient and fully healed. FUCK THAT! relationships #are not transactions. we are allowed to need each other. we are allowed to blur lines. we are human and messy. our thoughts and feelings are #PRECIOUS. im not letting go of my thoughts they mean EVERYTHING to me they are the key to the WORLD. im not letting go of redacted why on #EARTH would i stop redacteding to redacted that is HELPFUL for me. i don’t CARE about the roots. who the fuck is it hurting????? NO ONE!!!!! #the way he flat out told me he agrees with my mom. bitch im done forever. im done literaly forever. i don’t know how to tell him but im done #forever. maybe it’s just my id which is what he said to me LMFAO and like maybe i just don’t like being uncomfortable or facing hard truths. #but i don’t fucking think it’s TRUE!!!!!!!!!! yeah i need to grow yeah i have unhealthy behaviors. but i don’t need to let go of the whole #THING bc of some arbitrary transactional concept of what relationships are supposed to be / mean. ive NEVER had a counselor try to uproot th #the whole damn thing like omg what is WRONG with you. i #im paying this man $25 a week to UNDERSTAND me and not ONCE have i felt understood by him. counselors can disagree with me but i literally #never feel like he is on my side. he’s adhering to conventional ideas about what parents are supposed to be and friends are supposed to be a #and work is supposed to be etc etc. and so patronizingly said just enjoy being 23 you don’t wanna waste your 20s! FUCK YOU. i will not #regret anything even if it’s unusual. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! #and also i know he probably watches back thru the recordings and has like his supervisor and professors watch them too which means that #there is a whole team of scientists + my family studying me in a lab and thinking im insane and finding ways to tell me. but fucking bold of #him to assume he can give me any meaningful valuable insight when he is actively checking his laptop / phone during our sessions and rarely #if eve gives me a chance to drive MY OWN CONVERSATION THAT IM PAYING FOR and is so phony abt being on the recording. like Omg. maybe im just #grown out of it. it fucking SUCKS bc i actually have things i am not normal about and really need help with and i can’t actually get help fr #from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effective #effectively told him that and he responded that he can’t take that credibly bc there’s no action behind it BY WHICH HE MEANS I HAVENT #STOPPED REDACTEDING TO ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REDACTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE? THAT I HAVENT DECIDED IM DONE LEARNING SND GROWING AND CUT IT #OFF?????? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. INSANE. the ANTITHESIS of human. we are MEANT TO BE CONNECTED. FUCK!!!!!!!!! #delete later #my old counselors challenged me and disagreed with me b it i never felt like they flat out were unwilling to meet me where i am and #compromise with me. is that not what counselors are supposed to do???? or have i just had bad counselors until now??? because im NORMAL. i #swear to fucking god. im normal. im literally normal and it is not doing ANYONE harm. what is wrong with you. GOD