#fresno oilers.txt

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Bought my uncle a burger and milkshake in exchange for letting me disrupt the holiest day of the week, NFL Sunday Football, so I could install a Pi-hole and free the household of ads...the thing abt the specific boomers I live with is they told me not to trust people on the Internet but they do not understand the algorithm or online advertising and think that Facebook has their best interests at heart. And every time I have tried to explain to them that no, blorbo from my dashboard is not selling my kidneys on the dark web but Google from your capitalism is definitely selling your web searches to every advertising company on the planet, they think I am paranoid. How could their personal friend Mark Zuckerberg want anything bad to happen to them etc. I am fighting battles I did not know existed!!!

#i simply. do not wish to see ads #anyway that took me and beryl 2 hours to set up DO NOT ask me anything #i was definitely better at linux systems when i was in high school lol #fresno oilers.txt

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Found out yesterday my parents met because they were working the same wedding anniversary party. My one mom was the singer for the party and my other mom was part of the hula hālau hired to dance. And they've been together for 24 years!

#my sister was like [stepmom] told me they met in 1999 and i was like hold on i gotta recontextualize some core childhood memories #fresno oilers.txt #birdfam

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whenever i see people reblog posts about what stylistic problems/choices make them back-button out of a fic or "he would not say/fuck/be woke like that" posts, i just think: you all have never truly loved a rarepair. you have only known riches and wealth. you have lived lives of luxury and grandeur. you have never painstakingly typed the names of two people into the search bar on ao3 dot org and have it return five results, two of which are in a language you can't read, two of which are tropes you hate, and the last which, while readable, has never known the touch of spellcheck, grammar check, or a beta. "i would never read something with poor punctuation and spelling that's out of character 😒" okay champ, hope your job at the new york review of books is paying well. personally i'm in the trenches of world war i reading a fic written with a broken pencil on the wrapper of a cigarette packet. and i'm having the time of my life

#you think i lived through [redacted sports team's rarepairs] in 2019 to have any sympathy for ''he would not fuck like that''??? hell no #the things i have had to develop immunity against in pursuit of my rarepairs would give some of you people anaphylactic shock #comrade i'm in no man's land breathing mustard gas i don't have time for ''this wasn't spellchecked''. i am just trying to make it out aliv #fresno oilers.txt

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hot take but i think we gotta stop saying "all comments on fic are good comments". like i definitely am guilty of saying that but it's 100% untrue bc i definitely get comments that are like, were you people raised in a barn that this is how you behave around strangers. like just trying to be funny or witty and just coming off as horribly rude. or like my friends have shared comments that are just bafflingly unkind bc the commenter is making a joke and somehow has zero sense that if you're not friends with someone, you shouldn't be an asshole...?? like no, not all comments are good, because some of you are out of your damn minds and have no idea how to behave

#i hate. I HATE. the way the internet has eroded boundaries and made people think it's ok to be jokingly rude with strangers #that's not the way man #just say ''great fic'' and slam that kudos and move on if you can't be normal #i'll take rude commentary from my friends but if we don't know each other?? don't do that. how am i supposed to respond to that #fresno oilers.txt #ao3

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Send me a number 1-100 + a pairing and I will tell you what song it corresponds to on my Spotify wrapped AND give you a 5 sentence summary of a fic based on that song

#i used to do this on twitter every year except then one year i listened needtobreathe almost exclusively and it was so humiliating #trying to make up fic based on songs abt jeaus you know #also side note i wont get to them until later bc i have a lot of meetings today #and caveat that if the number is one of my headass christian megachurch praise bands i will choose the nearest number that isnt. that #fresno oilers.txt

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NOT enough fic involving gardens and gardening. Where is my fic about planting seeds and tending the earth, a metaphor for new relationships, or pruning back trees, a metaphor for clearing old growth back so your relationships can flourish, or harvesting fruits and vegetables and eating food right after it has been picked, for feeding loved ones, or for people getting sunkissed and sweaty in jeans and cut off t-shirts, which is horny for me personally. Where is my gardening fic!!

#fresno oilers.txt #psychologically burdensome meetings but we stay silly (got paid three times so now i can make some impulse purchases)

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they've kissed on the mouth. dude just trust me

#fresno oilers.txt

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Reading a WIP like wow this fic is incredible, I can't believe the author hasn't updated since August, I hope they update soon!!! Except I'm the author. I'm the guy who has to update my WIP. The author hasn't updated since August and that's my fault bc I'm the author. And I'm reading it in Google Docs.

#on god patrice bergeron we are gonna get u your man #later. much later #fresno oilers.txt #7k of this fic is insane....wow

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Tbqh my closest brush with celebrity was the couple of weeks Philipp Grubauer and I had the same algorithm on Instagram and I'd see his name pop up liking the same wildlife photographers and baby goat videos as me.

#every day i would scroll see a cute baby goat video scroll down further and see his profile pic in little likes bar. king. #hockey for ts #fresno oilers.txt

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I am once again job searching.... I am beginning to think capitalism is simply not for me. also do you know much easier my life in the bay area would be if I had any kind of skills that would transfer to a corporate or tech setting

#or was willing and able to move out of the bay area lol that's the other one. but that's a way more complicated discussion #but like imagine a world where i have a job i tolerate and isn't soulcrushing that allows me to make money...wow... #my work experience is like 1) public and academic libraries 2) human trafficking survivors 3) religious settings #AND LIKE OBVIOUSLY I CAN SPIN ALL OF THAT #but sometimes i go on teamwork and i look at sports jobs and i'm like. i could do that #i would be so good at social impact shit #but broadly if i was a hiring manager in any corporate setting i'd see my work experience and go. that's a hot mess. absolutely not #which i have found libraries and nonprofits are a little more tolerant of a chaotic resume.....alas #anyway if i seem insane in the next couple of months. it's bc my org is in a state of decay and i am not committed enough #to stick through to the end and/or be fired when we start losing funders. god bless bake on #fresno oilers.txt

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folks tonight we discovered what hitting my breaking point looks like and it is: impulse three day vacation in palm desert for ahl hockey in february by myself. does anyone have any recommendations for stuff to do in coachella valley?? like restaurants or hikes or museums or anything. i don't drink and i love museums and i will have a car and my only two commitments are evening hockey games. i should probably buy my lesbian parents alcohol, snacks, and/or spices for looking after my dog and i would like to buy local. also love a local ice cream shop or creamery. literally any recs you have would be great!! no recommendation too great or too small!!

(also podcast recs that aren't true crime or horror since i have two 7+ hour drives and if i listen to my sports podcasts the entire time i will become a worse version of myself than we started with, which is already bad lmfao)

#i'm so excited i have not been on vacation since 2021 and i have never been on vacation by myself ever #we will not discuss the circumstances that led to me making this decision in 15 mins and having a room booked and the tickets bought #within an hour and a half tonight but. know that it has been very very very bad for at least a month. lol. lmao #also i am so sorry to firebirds fans where the fresh hell does your team get off charging you $30+ dollars for ahl hockey #obviously i went apeshit and bought $80 tickets close to the bench for observation purposes but like. $30 for ahl hockey?? #not even sitting close to the glass??? that's insane. i hope i get to see someone beat brisson's ass for no reason #OH FIREBIRDS FANS ALSO. WHICH LITTLE GUY SHOULD I ROOT FOR #big fan of going to minor leagues games choosing a guy at random and throwing all my emotional energy in to his game narrative #but i feel like i have. at least two firebirds fans following me maybe one of you can choose a guy for me #fresno oilers.txt #IS THE BOTANICAL GARDEN FUN

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i think it's a real like. ugh how do i put this. the minute you start discord servers with rules and mods, it feels like less of a co-created space. which was also true of communities on lj or dw, but everybody did always have their personal blogs to fall back on and could create community there. but then your other options are like tumblr, which i think is good for creating one on one relationships but pretty uniquely awful for fostering community (and i say this as someone who is TRYING. and FAILING), or twitter, which is also good for one on one relationships and SOME community building but ultimately failed to hold the necessary character space and the visible follower count created some weird hierarchies, and is on top of that now in a total state of decay and full elon musk fanboys.

and i think a lot - A LOT - about how to build vibrant fannish communities on al gore's internet in 2024 when a) the social media landscape is no longer willing to publicly diary their way into community ala livejournal and b) twitter made me so unhappy and c) tumblr as a microblogging site with the option for anonymous asks is not set up to create community and d) discord is by its nature pretty insular (which is both good and bad to be clear) and if it's a tight knit server, difficult to bring new people into the fold with grace. on top of that, nsfw content is being legislated off the internet, so it's like if you want to go some place to talk about blorbo getting wrecked, you have to be conscious of your account getting killed, unless you're on dreamwidth.

and like it's not NOT a problem in the greater western world, the move towards insular communities, but when i think about specifically how to create a broad, accessible community on the internet for fans it's like. man where even are there mechanisms for that. like i think about this so much and i just have not come with up with a good solution. there are not enough people active on dreamwidth for me to want to put effort into creating a community there and at this point tumblr would have to completely implode to get people to move to a different social media site. i do not know what the solution is!! and it's very frustrating to me as someone who values community!!

also like 5000% this is on me for my life falling apart in november and december and doing nothing materially to fix it until the very end of december but the fact that i did not keep up with 4th line and time begins round up posts absolutely haunts me. but it's also like. two newsletters a month for not very much engagement was very hard to maintain focus on tbh. but it's again like...if you build it they will come does not work, both in fandom and in life, but also how do you create a community on a platform not set up for building community while also contending with general disinterest. you know?? or ok. i have said before that the greatest thing i could ever do in fandom is not write the perfect fic, but create something that brings people together, with or without me, and i do still believe that with my whole heart. but wanting that, and not knowing if it's actually happening, does not make it easier to commit to doing

#if it helps i think about this a lot with mainline protestant churches too #and there's no good answer for that one either except go to an evangelical megachurch lmfao #butterfly meme are evangelical megachurches the 300 person fandom discord servers i'm scared of? #fresno oilers.txt #spiritually a livejournal post. as always #i'm like. do i make a baseball ask meme?? would people want that?? what do i even DO

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realizing I can make moodboard fic recs...and if I ask authors for permission they're (so far at least) delighted to say yes.....like this has given me a whole new way to be annoying about fanfic lmao thank you @hrpffandomeventblog you have unlocked something very powerful in me

#i have 2 made and i'm making 7 possibly 8 more and i'm. SO excited to do them all. moodboards are SUCH a fun little puzzle for me #it's so funny all my best fic this year has been for other people's challenges #i think this is bc the only books i have been reading lately are non-fiction about church planting and christian community building #melting emoji times a million!!!!!!!! #so the personal well-spring of creativity is very dry #but moodboards...a puzzle with pictures...yesssss #fresno oilers.txt

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Hot older butch bartender at the brunch place kept calling me "babydoll"...I'm never leaving this city

#i mean i am bc it's severely unwalkable but #but i AM coming back i already decideed #fresno oilers.txt #violently reminded of talahu'i being like is your type of women just hot butches... #this i cannot deny 🫡🫡

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I do not feel the spark of divine inspiration but I do feel the need to create something before I blow up, you know how it goes sometimes

#fresno oilers.txt

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You know, we make a lot of fun of athlete media training and how they all kind of say the same stuff in the post game media stuff but to be honest I think I also wouldn't want to talk or think critically about how badly I fucked up at work that day. I think if I had a bad day at work, I also would be saying whatever canned response I could if I had to hold a 15 minute press conference about how my emails sucked shit and my meetings went poorly and I'm failing to stand up to my boss's standards. Like it's good when athletes talk candidly and thoughtful about their play but I think if it were me talking about how bad I did that at work that day, I also would be trying to get the fuck out of there as fast as possible too.

#fresno oilers.txt #as a guy who fucked up so bad at work this week that i was like answering emails while having a panic attack at 8:30am #i think i wouldnt want to hold a press conference about that