#this is one of the big reasons i was ashamed of admitting when i am in pain | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

girlgenius1111 · 2 months

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You Come Back With Gravity

alexia and r have an argument. r misunderstands, and when alexia leaves to calm down, she thinks she's going for good. angst + fluff :)

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Alexia was big on communication, and she didn't like to fight. Neither did you, although your track record in past relationships may argue otherwise. That was more on your former partners, though, than it was on you. Not fighting was new for you. Alexia never yelled, and she insisted that the two of you talk about any issues that were going on calmly, and like adults. A voice had never been raised between the two of you, arguments never escalating to full blown shouting matches, mostly because of Alexia's insistence that they didn't.

Something about this argument, though, felt different. Alexia had proposed a few weeks ago, and, after having a bit too much to drink, you'd brought up something that had been nagging at the back of your mind for a while. Alexia had brushed it aside that night, and again and again since, until you practically forced her to talk about it. Normally, when you presented Alexia with an issue you had, she was quick to try to fix it. Your teammates often joked about the complete 180 Alexia did when she was around you, melting and agreeing to anything you asked of her. You were the same way for her, but it was more surprising that their normally very willful captain so easily did as you said.

If Alexia wouldn't budge on an issue, she normally had a reason, and you didn't require her to explain herself to you. This was different, though. You needed an explanation, before your mind continued to take off in the worst directions.

"Alexia, do you not see that this is important to me?"

"I do, amor, but there is no room for discussion. We are not going public with our relationship. It has stayed low key for this long, and I intend to keep it that way." Alexia was quickly losing her patience with you, and you could tell. Still, you persisted.

'You won't even give me a reason, Ale! Is this what our relationship is going to be like for the rest of our lives? You make a decision that affects both of us, and I just have to live with it?" Your voice was slightly raised and you could tell Alexia was upset. You were pacing around the room, and she was sitting, completely still, on the couch. Alexia was never still. A part of her was always moving.

"I am not changing my mind on this, mi amor." Alexia told you calmly, although her jaw clenched tight when she finished speaking.

"Okay, well that's it. You don't care what I think. Whatever you say goes, is that it?" You were using anger to hide how terrified you were. There was really only one reason that you could think of to explain Alexia's complete refusal to be transparent about your relationship.

"You know that it is not."

"This is absurd, Ale, we can't even have a conversation without you-"

"¡Basta! Stop yelling, I do not want to talk anymore about this," Alexia shouted finally, rising to her feet.

"I am yelling because you are not listening to me,"

"You are not listening to me. No more of this, we can discuss it when we are both calmer."

"I don't want to push this aside again, I would like to resolve it now." You tried to calm yourself down slightly despite your words, drawing in a few deep breaths as you waited for your fiancée to respond.

"It is resolved. There is no discussion to be had. There is no other option; we are not going public. No."

You let out a humorless laugh, and Alexia's eyebrows shot up. She did not like to be laughed at.

"You aren't being fair, Alexia. I deserve an explanation for why you are so very ashamed of me, to the point you don't want anyone to know we are together."

Alexia rolled her eyes, not taking your statement seriously. She thought you were just being dramatic, there was no way you really believed that. You did believe it, though and Alexia's complete dismissal in the face of your admitted vulnerability made you furious.

"Jesus, Alexia. Fine. You get your way. As usual. Captain Alexia always gets what she wants." You yelled, throwing yourself down on the couch dramatically and burying your head in your hands. You didn't want to cry while you were fighting with her, and you swallowed the lump in your throat. You knew you weren't being fair, or particularly nice but Alexia had hurt your feelings and she didn't even seem to understand why.

It was dead silent for a full minute before Alexia let out a long, drawn out exhale, and spoke.

"You are being mean. I am going to go to Alba's."

Her words were stiff, clearly communicating how upset she was with you, and you whipped your head up to look at her, watching as she headed towards the door, grabbing her keys. She put her airpods in, but you didn't see her do so.

"Ale? Are you coming back?" You called, voice full of insecurity.

Alexia couldn't hear you, not with her music playing as loud as it was, and she walked out the door without acknowledging that you'd spoken.

You were frozen. This was what you always did; take a small fight and push it so far that the other person finally saw that you weren't worth the trouble. It hadn't happened with Alexia yet because you'd never fought with her. It wasn't enough that she didn't want anyone to know the two of you were together, you had to push her until she didn't want to be with you, period.

You were an over-thinker to your core, and you were convinced, absolutely, that you had just destroyed the most important relationship that you'd ever had. It was hard to breathe, hard to think, the suffocating weight of thinking that the woman you loved was not coming back taking over.

You weren't sure why you were surprised. People left, people always left. Why would this be any different? Alexia was the best person you'd ever known, and she deserved far better than what you could give her, even when you were at your best. Of course Alexia didn't want anyone to know that she was with you. Of course she didn't want you. You had only yourself to blame.

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While you sat alone in your apartment, spiraling, Alexia was driving not to her sisters, but to the beach. She needed some peace and quiet to think, which she surely would not find at Alba's.

She just needed to cool down. You were upset, she was upset, and continuing on like you had been would only lead you both to say things you didn't mean. She'd take an hour, calm down, and head home. Alexia had no idea that you had asked her a question before she'd left, had no idea that you were sitting at home, convinced she was done with you.

The longer she was gone, though, the more guilty she felt. She remembered the look on your face when you'd spoken:

"I deserve an explanation for why you are so very ashamed of me, to the point you don't want anyone to know we are together."

She thought you were just trying to make a point at the time, but as she got space from the fight, and from her own anger, she felt less sure about that judgment. You'd looked distraught when you said it. It would explain why you were so very upset with her reluctance to go public, why you were so very upset with her.

Alexia had watched many relationships fall apart once they hit the public eye; some of her own, and some of them, her friend's. She didn't want that. As long as you two kept this to yourselves, allowing your loved ones and teammates to know and no one else, the media couldn't destroy it. That was Alexia's biggest fear; losing you, and having no control over it.

Of course, you were sat at home, practically catatonic, at the thought that you had lost Alexia.

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Alexia didn't even make it an hour like she planned. She was parking in the driveway 44 minutes after she'd left, flowers next to her in the front seat, as she tried to figure out if she'd given you enough space to think. She determined that she had, mostly because she couldn't stand leaving things like this any longer, and she fixed her hair in the mirror, tucking the shorter pieces behind her ears in the way she knew you liked, before grabbing the flowers.

When she had left, it was still light out. It was dark, now, and Alexia was surprised when she opened the door and there was not a light on in the house. She panicked slightly, wondering if you'd left, before spotting your silhouette on the couch. Exactly where you'd been when she left. It looked like you hadn't moved, even an inch. The blonde slipped her shoes off, walking cautiously closer to you, flipping on the light.

You didn't make a move, giving her no indication that you knew she was there with you. Alexia could tell you were trembling, and every breath you drew in came with a small, pained whimper. Alexia was more than concerned, now. She dropped the flowers on the table, before crouching down in front of you.

"Mi amor?" She said softly, weary to touch you, not wanting to startle you.

"Hey, amor?" She spoke slightly louder this time. Still, you didn't even twitch. Tentatively, she reached her hand out, letting her hand wrap around your wrist. She was going to try to pull your hand away from your face, but you beat her to it, jumping a foot in the air at her touch, and scrambling backwards.

"It is me, amor, it is just me," Alexia reassured, throwing her hands up in the air, and not moving any closer.

"Ale?" You gasped, as if you couldn't believe that she was here in front of you. You were half convinced you were hallucinating. It felt like 2 minutes had passed, but also like it had been hours since she left.

"It is just me," Alexia repeated, taking a seat on the very edge of the couch. You were still shaking, and Alexia longed to bring you into her arms.

"What are you doing here?" You asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You came back. Why?"

"Why... why would I not come back? This is our home. Ours. Did you not want me here?" Alexia asked insecurely, entirely confused at your reaction. Your eyes were watery, and you bit your lip, shaking your head at her.

"No, I want you here, I... I asked if you were coming back. And you left without answering."

"Qué?" Alexia asked, looking genuinely confused. Alexia couldn't lie to you, and if she'd ignored something you'd said, she'd admit to it.

"Before you walked out the door, I asked if you were coming back." You explained further, although you were already relaxing slightly. Ale was here, she came back.

A look of realization dawned over your girlfriend's face. "I had my headphones in, amor, I did not hear you."

Now that Alexia could see where your mind had started to go, it wasn't hard to piece the rest of it together. It made sense, suddenly, why you were so upset. You'd thought Alexia had left you.

It was only seconds after that revelation that Alexia was reaching across the couch and pulling you into her arms; one wrapped tightly around your back, the other hand lacing through your hair and pushing your face into her neck. You clung tightly to her, melting into her touch.

"I would never leave you. Not today, not tomorrow. Not ever. I wanted to calm down, so we could have a conversation. I should have thought that through, bebé, I am so sorry."

You shook your head against her. "I shouldn't have overreacted, it was just that you were so upset, and we never fight. You're so good, Ale, it's like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, always waiting for you to realize that you can do better. I thought you had, I thought that's why you didn't want anyone to know about us."

Alexia shut her eyes tightly. You'd meant what you'd said earlier, then, and she'd completely dismissed it. She guided you away from her, just a bit, cradling your face in her hands. She brushed your hair back out of your face, pursing her lips as she tried to figure out what to say.

"It was not an overreaction. You thought I ignored you, you thought I was leaving. I know how nervous these things make you, mi amor, I should have been clearer."

"Amor, do you think that I want to keep our relationship private because I am ashamed of you?" When Alexia said the words, it felt ridiculous. You knew it was irrational to feel the way you felt, but at the same time… your fear was all encompassing. You tried to lean away from her, preserve some of your dignity even as more tears slid down your face, but Alexia wouldn't let you. "Hey, no. Tell me, por favor.”

“You’re you Ale. And I’m just me. I would understand if you didn’t want people to know you were with me, you should be with someone better, prettier,-”

“Stop.” Alexia said, shaking her head frantically. She looked physically pained at your words. “Stop. You are not allowed to talk about yourself like that. You are mí niña, mí niña perfecta. I am proud that you are mine, everyday. You are the best, you are the prettiest. You are all I need, te prometo que.” The blondes eyes were wide with a desperate need for you to believe her. You wanted to.

“Then why, Ale? Why don’t you want people to know you’re with me?” You chewed on your bottom lip when Alexia didn’t answer right away, and her thumb reached over to lightly tap it. You released your lip, tightening your grip on your girlfriend, only growing more terrified for her answer as time passed.

“You are so perfect.” Alexia started, giving you a stern look when you shook your head on instinct. “It’s so easy with you. So easy to love you, so easy to be with you. The media complicates everything, the fans. They would say horrible things to you and about you. As long as no one knows, I can keep you safe. I can keep you mine. Just mine.”

“Alexia, I’m not worried about that.” You assured her.

“You should be, mi amor, I am worried about it.” Alexia emphasized, and you only really realized the stress this worry was causing her at that moment. “It would not be the first time the media has ruined a relationship, and I do not think I could survive it if I lost you.” The blonde’s voice cracked at the end of her sentence, and suddenly, she wasn’t holding you anymore, you were holding her. Cradling her face in your hands as you insistently tried to get her watery, hazel eyes to meet yours.

“Even if the media goes crazy, even if people say mean stuff. I’ll still want you, Ale. It won’t be fun but it’s worth it. If it’s for you? It’s worth it, it’ll always be worth it.”

Alexia let out a sound that was halfway between a sob and a sigh of relief, burying her face in your neck. Her tears were wet against your skin, her breaths ragged and frantic. “Te amo,” she murmured. “You make me so happy, amor. If you are not worried about the media, then I will try not to be. If you want people to know, then we tell. Whatever you want, whatever you need. As long as you know that I love you, that you are perfect, that you are mine, forever. Para siempre.”

Now you were crying, and she was still crying, as she gave you a very wet kiss, and it was entirely more emotional than either of you would have liked, but there was nothing to be done. The perfect relationship, you supposed, was one where you each thought the other to be perfect. Even if you didn’t see yourself that way, Alexia would always be there to convince you of your perfection, as you would for her.

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#alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas #woso one shot #woso imagine #woso fanfics #woso x reader

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tumbleweed-run · 7 months

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Want

(18+, Explicit) Kinktober 2023 Day 7: virginity

“There you are, I was wondering if you’d changed your mind,” Gale tried to make sound light, a little joke between the two of you but you could hear the undercurrent of tension in his words.

“I’m sorry,” you said earnestly, letting your hand rest on his shoulder as you sat. “I got caught up asking Wyll something.”

That was a lie, and one you felt a little guilty telling him, but the real reason you were delayed was a bit more embarrassing. You’d been sitting by the fire going over conversations in your head. Or rather, how to have a very specific conversation. One you still weren’t exactly sure how to approach.

The truth of the matter was, physically you were a virgin. Even though you’d had mind-blowing, life-changing, astral sex with Gale just before fighting Ketheric your body was still very much the virgin it had been before that night.

Gale, of course, didn’t know that fact. It wasn’t something you advertised to potential suitors.

It wasn’t that you were some prudish untouchable. You’d had your fair share of odd groping as a teen (and adult) and were intimately familiar with your own body. You’d just never had actual sex using your body.

That was an odd distinction to have to make.

You weren’t ashamed of it, it was just something that didn’t happen. Some people never had the opportunity to try certain foods or go certain places, you’d never had the opportunity to have sex. Or rather, you had the chance a few times, but the partners were decidedly less than ideal.

You realized that keeping this fact from Gale was becoming increasingly like keeping a secret. You needed to tell him, and you needed to do it before he decided to take advantage of the relative quiet of the journey from the Shadowlands to Baldur’s Gate.

“You seem quiet,” Gale prodded, bumping his shoulder into yours.

“A lot on my mind,” you admitted vaguely. You bumped your shoulder into his but stayed there, leaning into his warmth.

Gale hummed in agreement. “It’s odd this calm before the proverbial storm.”

You felt him press a kiss into your hair.

“I need to tell you something, but you can’t make a big deal about it,” you said eventually after allowing yourself to sink into the comfort of the moment.

You felt Gale’s body stiffen, no doubt anticipating the worst kind of confession. Though at this point you weren’t sure what Gale would consider the the worst.

“Alright, I’m intrigued,” He said very neutrally.

You took a deep breath and sat up right, giving yourself the space for this. “Just to be clear, that night, our bodies weren’t actually… involved.” You were hopeful maybe you were wrong and you’d just missed all the awkwardness because you’re mind was literally somewhere else.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Gale’s head cock to the side. “Ah no, they weren’t,” he agreed, unknowingly dashing your hopes, “it looks a bit strange to an outsider, I admit, but alas our corporeal selves were exactly where we left them.”

“Why?” He tacked on after a pause.

“Well, that would mean that I’m still technically a virgin.” You made your admission rather quickly, words bumping into one another as you spat it out, hoping to get this odd conversation out of the way.

Gale was unusually quiet and when you finally turned your head to look at him you saw about a thousand emotions cross his face.

“You’re a…” he trailed off.

You waited.

“Virgin?” his voice had risen almost comically.

“Yes,” you confirmed.

“But you’re-”

“Yes, I know how old I am,” you interrupted rolling your eyes at him.

“You mean you’ve never…?” Another incomplete sentence from your usually verbose wizard.

“That would be what that means, yes,” you confirmed… again.

You sighed and turned your body so you could look at Gale easily. “It’s not that I’m some innocent. I’ve had the odd kissing session in a dark room, its just never gone any farther. Not to mention I’m concerningly familiar with my own hand and also that one odd pillow in my…”

You trailed off as you watched Gale’s eyes darken. He cleared his throat and shifted. Idly you wondered which of those revelations had affected him so.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He sounded almost hurt.

“It never came up,” you admitted, “first, you were at risk of blowing us all up and then we ended up having sex astrally. I would have told you if we’d been… physically involved,” you assured him, fighting with yourself as to how exactly word things.

Gale seemed to absorb this information with acceptance. “Well I guess that means my plans for tonight are off the table.”

“What? Why?” You sounded genuinely alarmed, surprising even yourself.

Gale smiled a small, exasperated thing. “My love, I can’t have you bedded properly for the first time in some wood in the middle of nowhere.”

“You absolutely can,” you insisted.

He chuckled and took your hand. Normally you would have seen a similar move as patronizing but there was nothing but love and adoration shining from Gale’s eyes. “We can be together astrally, again.”

“No,” you huffed pulling your hand away, growing frustrated. This wasn’t why you’d told him. “I want you,” you insisted, “I want you, for real. Here.”

Gale shook his head again, “but you deserve-”

“Gale,” you moved up onto your knees so you could hold his face between your hands, “this is about what I want. And what I want is your actual physical cock inside of me, here in this clearing. Tonight, preferably.”

Whatever Gale had been expecting, that confession wasn’t it. His mouth dropped open.

“Are you sure?” He asked eventually.

You nodded, vigorously, “yes.”

“Then I will give you what you want.”

You leaned forward and kissed him. Gale gathered an arm around your waist and laid backward, pulling you with him. You laid across his chest, eagerly allowing yourself to get lost in kissing him.

You shifted, slotting your body between his legs. Gale groaned when your thighs brushed against his cock, already half-hard. Taking advantage, you pressed your tongue between his lips. His hands slid down your back to your ass, cupping it he pulled you up and closer.

“How many young lads did you lead into dark corners, only to leave them with their hopes dashed?” Gale teased when you two finally separated for air.

You laughed. “I never said I left them unfulfilled.”

Gale shook his head with an amused smile. “I assure you every lad who left without bedding you was unfulfilled in some regard.”

“I think,” you smoothed a hand against his chest, “you think too highly of me.”

“Not possible,” Gale reassured. His expression changed as you watched, from playful to something more sincere.

“What have you done with others?” He asked all of a sudden.

Now, you felt you might be a little offended. “Gale, I wasn’t saying that-”

“No, no,” he shook his head, “I don’t care if you’ve had a thousand cocks in your mouth. Confused, perhaps, but I want to know specifically what has been done to you that hasn’t come from your own hand… or pillow I suppose.”

“Oh,” you felt a little sheepish now.

With out warning his hands slid to your thighs and he lifted you, pulling your legs apart, forcing you to straddle him. You could feel his cock pressing against your core. You fought down the urge to grind against it.

“Has anyone ever made you come with their mouth?” Gale asked then.

You shook your head, a warmth crawling down your neck at the thought.

“Their fingers?” He continued.

Again, you shook your head. “Twice I've had someone’s hand down my pants,” you admitted, “but it was awkward and they never really did much.”

“Maybe you’re lucky,” Gale mused, “boys tend not to think beyond their own needs.”

“And men are any different?” You challenged.

Gale’s eyes darkened as he looked at you now. “Not all, but this one, yes. Your needs are mine.” He rolled his hips up then, grinding his cock against you.

“Oh,” the sound felt like it was punched out of you. Happily, you rocked your hips back down against him.

Gale’s hands went to your hips, holding you from doing anything further. You tried to roll them again and frowned when he wouldn’t let you.

“I promise I will pay as much attention to your pretty cunt as you can stand,” he started, “but I need you to promise you’ll stop me if anything makes you uncomfortable.”

There was an edge to his final words, and you knew anything less than an agreement that he’d leave you untouched.

“I promise,” you repeated.

“Good girl,” He rewarded, his words shooting straight to your core. You absolutely did not look at him in an attempt to hide that knowledge from him. His chuckle let you know it had been unsuccessful.

He released your hips and you ground down on him once more.

In a testament to Gale’s self-control, or perhaps his determination, his hands moved to the ties of your trousers. When he’d finished opening them, he rolled you both so he was above you. He sat back on his legs and slid backward before working to shimmy your bottoms off before discarding them in a pile nearby.

He gently pushed your legs and you laid back, allowing him to bend your knees. He gently pushed at them so they dropped to the side. You shivered both from the complete exposure of the position he’d put you in and also from missing his warmth on you.

“Fingers or mouth?” Gale asked, hands sliding down your thighs, ever closer to where you truly wanted them.

“I believe I said cock,” you retorted.

A light pinch was delivered to your thigh and you jumped, startled but not actually in pain. “Soon,” Gale promised, “for now, though, those are your options.”

“Mouth,” you answered with almost no hesitation.

Above you, Gale smiled, apparently pleased with your answer. “Do you want anything? A pillow,” he asked rather than doing what you’d asked for.

“I want,” you answered a bit snappier than you’d meant, “for you to touch me.”

“Some day, I will have you without risk of interruption.” Gale wasn’t really talking to you it seemed. Still, you wondered what he meant by that. You hoped something wicked.

All thoughts left your mind when you felt his fingers spread you open even further. You were about to remind him you’d said mouth, unable to resist the urge to push against whatever side of him you were seeing, when you felt his breath hot against you. That urge fled, just as quickly as your thoughts.

You cried out when he swiped his tongue between your folds. Quickly you pulled your arm across your mouth, aware the camp wasn’t too far off. Gale didn’t seem at all concerned though as he began tracing maddening paths with the tip of his tongue.

Somehow he was touching you where you wanted and yet seeming to avoid it all together. A growl ripped out of you in frustration and you tried to slide down closer to his mouth. An arm flew across your hips quickly, preventing you from moving anywhere. You were about to say something, beg even, when his tongue finally found your clit. You cried out, free hand threading itself in Gale’s hair. If you couldn’t move closer to him, you could at least pin him to you. He didn’t seem too bothered by this thought, tracing his tongue down you again, this time pressing it inside of you.

“Shit,” you cursed hips ineffectively trying to grind down again.

Gale, in some act of benevolence or maybe because he was enjoying your reactions, move his arm from across your hips. He instead pushed his hand under your ass forcing you to tilt your hips up towards him. He moved his attention back to your clit. You felt the walls of your pussy begin pulsing around nothing and you whimpered.

“Fingers,” you gasped, pulling your arm from your face.

Gale either didn’t hear you or was ignoring you. A few more seconds of attention to your clit and then his teeth gently nipped against it.

“Fuck,” you cried out as your orgasm hit, once again pulling Gale against you. You couldn’t help but shamelessly grind against his face as you came.

He stayed there, tongue licking broad stripes up and down your center until you stilled. Only then did he gently disentangle your hands from his hair and sit up.

He knelt between your still-spread legs, a hand gently cupping your cunt. He was watching you closely, pleased with whatever he saw he gently began kneading against you.

“Will you fuck me now?” You asked unable to help the way your hips chase up at the contact.

He shook his head. Briefly, you were mesmerized by the way his beard, glistening with your wetness, reflected the light.

“Why not?” You whined, which wasn’t exactly how you’d meant to say that.

Gale chuckled before leaning over you to press a kiss on your lips. You could smell yourself on him, taste it even when he pulled away. Far from being turned off by that fact you found yourself wanting to kiss him again.

“Fingers, first,” he said and demonstratively slipped a finger beneath your folds to press against your entrance.

He easily pressed the finger into you, finding no resistance when he did. Gently he began pressing it in and out, every time he ground the heel of his palm against your clit until your hips were rolling with his movement.

His eyes never left your face when he began pressing a second finger into you. You nodded, trying to pull them deeper but he only continued pressing the new digit into at a slow pace.

“Gods,” you moaned when his fingers were pressed into you completely.

“Not quite,” he answered with a wry smile.

You were quickly distracted when you realized he was refusing to move his fingers in you. He was just grinding his hand to your clit, and while it felt amazing it wasn’t what you wanted.

“Gale,” you whined rolling your hips in an effort to get some movement inside of you.

That was his aim, apparently. Gale held his hand still and allowed you to fuck yourself on his fingers. You grew brazen, chasing after the grinding sensation as well with a roll of your hips. He watched you with a scrutiny that had your body flushing. Gradually you realized he had begun gently scissoring his fingers inside of you, pressing you open wider each time you pulled away from them.

His fingers were thick and you felt yourself clench around them at the thought of what he’d (hopefully) be replacing them with. You realized, in a passing thought, that you’d struggle to watch his spell casting in a normal way ever again.

You felt another orgasm building and with great effort stilled your own hips.

“Please,” you groaned out, “I want you inside me. Please, I’m ready,” you were shamelessly begging.

“Yes,” Gale agreed before finally thrust his fingers in and out of you a few times and then with drawing them entirely.

He was quick about removing his own trousers. His cock sprung free and slapped against his stomach, in the moonlight you could make out a bead of precum on the tip.

Your mouth watered.

Gale didn’t allow your thought to wander any further before settling between your legs. One hand hooked around the back of a thigh and hiked up your leg against him.

“Tell me if this hurts, despite what you’ve heard it doesn’t have to,” he said leaning over you, bracing himself with his free arm.

You would rather die, you realized as you nodded a lie to him.

The head of his cock pressed against your entrance, but he didn’t move any further. It appeared he’d also put you in a position where he could keep you from pushing down on it. You wondered if it was forethought or simply a coincidence.

When he pressed inside your head collapsed fully against the ground. He was certainly bigger than anything that had been inside you before, his thick fingers included. Painstakingly Gale began pressing into you. His movements were slow and controlled, making sure to keep you immobile. The sensation was uncomfortable but not painful as he stretched you even further.

You couldn’t help but be grateful, now, for his refusal to fuck you immediately.

When he bottomed out, hips pinned against yours, he groaned head dropping forward. You felt the muscle of his thigh tremble against yours. You were secretly pleased as he struggled to maintain his composure.

You tried to wait him out, trust him as he had only thought of you so far, but your patience only extended so far. Experimentally you clenched around his cock.

“Shit,” he groaned, hips stuttering as he restrained a thrust.

“Please,” you whispered once again fluttering around him, “please.”

Gale pulled out only a little before slowly thrusting into you. It wasn’t much but your eyes rolled back.

He kept it that way, small shallow thrusts until there was almost no resistance when he did. Then, he began working back further before thrusting into you. He was grunting with each thrust, head hanging low so his forehead was resting against your chest.

“Gale,” you whined unable to take the coddling much longer.

It seemed his restraint was hanging on by a thread because his hips snapped up against yours, much harder than any previous movement.

“Yes,” you cried out in response.

Gale began truly fucking you then. He was mumbling something against you but the sound of your skin slapping against one another was drowning him out. Your own hips were moving now, too, the hand on your thigh had loosed so he was not longer holding you still.

“Touch yourself,” he said, voice strained, finally loud enough for you to hear.

You were able to slide a hand between the two of you. Instead of touching yourself right away you pushed your finger further down enjoying the sensation of the slide of his cock in and out of you.

Abruptly Gale pushed up so he was sitting back on his knees. Both hands sliding under your hips in order to tilt you up so he never slid fully from inside of you.

“Now, please,” he groaned out and you realized he was holding back his own orgasm.

Hurriedly you found your clit with your fingers, this new position making it easier. You rubbed quickly and efficiently in a way you’d long learned would bring you off.

“Beautiful, you’re so beautiful,” Gale babbled above you. “Come for me, I want to see your face this time.”

It was his words more than your fingers that pushed you over the edge. You whimpered and he began thrusting harder as you squeezed around him.

Gale came with a shout, eyes screwing shut. He pinned your hips together once more as he spilled inside of you. He rode out his own orgasm like that, hips rolling slightly with each pulse. Once he was done, Gale gently lowered your hips back to the ground, allowing himself to slip out of you.

You extended your hand up to him and when he took it you pulled him down against your chest.

“Next time I think I want to ride you,” you told him after a moment of quiet.

Gale laughed before tilting his head up to capture your lips in a kiss.

#gale x reader #gale x tav #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #kinktober 2023 #kinktober 2023 virginity

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anyasivy · 4 months

Text

When You Know, You Know - Leonora Lesso x Fem!Reader

"The sky's beautiful." you said.

Leonora Lesso replied with, "I know." staring right at you, drinking in just how the night sky's beauty compared to nothing from you.

warning: i wrote this at 2 am so PLEASE ignore the grammatical errors because on top of that, english is not my first language and i honestly write what sounds best in my head lmfaooooo. this is also based on movie sfgae too.

tags: second chances, light angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

A Reader. Nevers would pick on you and some Evers would be ashamed to be in the same space as you. But nevertheless, you never gave up. You had made it through most of the years... barely. But the thing is, you were graduating and about to embark on a journey worthy of heroes. Well, that until you met a new teacher from the School for Evil during the opening day. Lady Lesso. You eventually found out she'd taught Curses and Deathtraps to Nevers. The thought of falling into one made you shiver, and you made sure since then to never be in the same space as her students. She was a meticulous woman, you observed. From afar, she was almost not intimidating. Her movements were firm and confident. Every flick of her hand, every step and stride, every look— it screamed of fearless. She was, in a way you wouldn't dare admit then, beautiful. Your mind reasoned she was evil, and therefore undeserving of that description. But who could look at Lady Lesso and think of her as anything than? She had the features of a goddess, a beauty that begged to be loved, and a soul that invited affection. You reveled in it, in her, that you hadn't realized you had been staring too much. One day, she pinned you against the wall and demanded to stop your madness.

That had changed it all.

You snapped yourself out of it, your hands holding the invitation the school had sent. Or by the looks of it, schools. You heard what had happened recently, and you thanked the heavens you had graduated already. Rafal? Blood magic? Oh yes, definitely grateful you weren't there to deal with that.

Tonight was the night you'd come back, and you looked momentarily at the gown you had picked. The ballgown was violet, which was the first thing that captured your eyes along with its threaded silk flowers down the bodice. It fit perfectly on your waist and had off-the-shoulder straps. It left your collarbone and cleavage bare. You would wear a necklace and black heels to compliment it. And as you look at your gown, you think of how you're supposed to be excited and stuff. A part of you is... kind of... but you were mostly nervous.

You don't wanna know why. You need not to. And there was no way in hell you'd acknowledge it.

"I apologize," her heels were the first to have entered your view as you hunched over your desk, studying. The sound of rustling and her coat falling on your bed made your heart thump over and over relentlessly against your chest. You try to remember the events of today, making sure you aren't going to let Leonora Lesso off the hook so easily. "It's an exercise getting rid of habits."

You scoff at this. "Habits, you say, when what you did was evil."

"I wonder why," she says ever so smugly, but there is a trace of hesitation in her voice. A fragility that suggests caution and care. You don't dwell on it. Not wanting to.

Flipping to the next page deemed unnecessary as words float above your head. All your senses concentrated on the woman who seemed to sit comfortably atop your dorm bed. You resist the temptation to look in her direction. A second of gazing into her limitless amethyst eyes and you'd lose this fight. Useless it may seem, but it was a big step for you. An instance to remind yourself of your own worth.

The flipping of pages must've rang annoyingly in Lesso's ears because she clears her throat. A testimony to the arising irritation she's been keeping off. "I apologize," she says more firmly than the one she came in with. You remained silent. "Truly, this time. I have no excuses for letting my students perform the prank." She had graded them, too. Shouting a significant 'you passed!' across the room with a hint of amusement not of you, but of her students' stunt. You repeated the scenario over and over in your head, hoping it'd motivate you to keep up the upper hand.

You hear Lesso move. The click, click of her heels matched the fast beating of your stupid heart pounding eagerly.

"Do you want me to beg? Get on my knees for your apology? Because you and I are fully aware of my incapability to surrender to Good."

You snapped. "Lesso." a triumphant smirk formed on her lips. It disappeared a moment after as she circles your desk, now presenting herself in front of you. Her scent fills the space you felt protected in, and for an instant, you could feel your walls of bricks shattering.

"Perhaps I should, then. With that look you're giving me." Leonora tilts her head, hoping for more words to spill out of those pretty lips of yours. She'd kissed them millions of times, but if it took giving up her whole identity to kiss them again, she'd strip herself nameless. "[Y/N], my love. What will it take for you to forgive me?"

You shivered as she spoke. She knew just how to get you, both with her words and her eyes. That expression of hers. The vulnerability of it all. Leonora Lesso promised a wonder that she swore only you could ever reside. So it wasn't a surprise when you got up and pulled her in for a kiss, quick and soft. A promise itself, too. A forgiveness of something shallow to some.

"You are an asshole."

"We have established that to be a compliment."

The School for Good was as grand as ever. As beautiful, too. You looked over the lake and recalled the lessons you had dozed off in that place. The wind and the soft sound of water made it too relaxing for you to behave like anything but an Ever. You continued up the stairs along with other heroes and their partners. The engagement ring you had shone bright like a mark of property you wanted to resist. You wonder if you should've brought your partner like the rest. But then again, you weren't for semantics when it came to the person you wanted to marry for functionality and formality.

The door was wide open for guests, and as you walked further into, you realized there wasn't anything much that changed. The same halls, walls, and designs. The longing in your chest made you want to go back home, away from this place and reminders of who you used to be--- who you used to be with.

You wonder if she's here. If anything had changed about her, or if she stayed the same, too. Evil and cunning. Yours. The bitter taste of how things ended clouded your mind. The cheery guests and welcomes of students in the Theatre of Tales thankfully distracted you from that.

Surprisingly, the floor was full of both Evers and Nevers mingling. There were those who looked disdained as if the Evilness and Goodness of their souls forbade them from interacting with the opposite side. But then there were those who giggled and laughed with each other, almost intimately. The scene before you caused an overwhelming grief. You pushed it forcibly down and started off as you spotted Professor Dovey.

She gives you a look-over like she wants to remember you, and not a second passes before melts in her knees. "Oh, you child!" she ran to you and wrapped an arm, the other too busy keeping the drink she was holding from spilling. "You have grown!"

"Thankfully," you cheered, beaming at the sight of her. "You look nice. Professor Anemone stopped giving you a hard time?"

"Quite the opposite. Everyone, really. The stress of the events and changes-- oh, it's like Christmas and Halloween collided here and urged a holiday of itself." Professor Dovey groans. "But all's well that ends well."

"Yikes." you flash a sheepish smile and glance over the ball, spotting someone with yellow hair reminding a student to smile brighter. You chuckle, looking back at the Professor before you.

"Mhm. Oh. And--"

"Please, Professor." you cut off. The sudden change in her tone, the small whisper and the softness of it obviously led to the territory you've been avoiding all morning.

Dovey sighed, "All right," her shoulder slumped and her eyes darted around across and behind the place before she was sure to speak again. "I don't wanna spoil your surprise."

"Surprise?"

"She's changed, [Y/N]."

"Surprising."

She chuckles softly, almost with pity. Dovey places a gentle hand on your arm and squeezes it. "How about we go get drinks before you meet the rest of the night?"

The end was nearer than you expected. It was coming fast and keen. Surely. You've been keeping your mind off it, finding solace in the moments of now, and not of the future. You question from time to time your insanity and the way to keep it intact should anything unforeseeable happen. Losing her, to be precise. But she's been quiet about it, and the often change of topic when the mention of your graduation is said clues you just how much she's been keeping her mind off it, too. So here you were in the night, sitting on an alcove, and gazing at the stars from your window. The night sky promised such peacefulness. The darkness and the silence radiated comfort you'd almost forgotten the stakes. The meanings. The possibilities. You hug your knees to your chest, feeling defensive of what was yours. What is yours. What should be yours tomorrow and the days after.

The door creaked open.

"You should be sleeping," her voice echoed from the door, and you felt your heart breaking at the unpredictability it held.

You gulp down the ache, hoping your voice didn't come out shaky, "Punish me for it, then." your humor earns a soft chuckle from the woman you loved, and she walks closer to where you were sitting. She opted for the bed instead of beside you.

"Is everything well?" the question shouldn't be hard to answer. The days when you cried about exams and the fear of failing, and she caught you, were far better than the moment right now. You'd rather endure repeating the year if you were given the choice to. It all seemed so simple then.

"The sky's beautiful," you said instead, your eyes never leaving the view before you.

Leonora Lesso replied with, "I know." staring right at you, drinking in just how the night sky's beauty compared to nothing from you. You were... so much more. Your beauty yielded of tremendous unknown that no words could ever amount to describe you. You had her soul, heart, and body. And she didn't mind. Not a single of it.

"What you said earlier," Lesso's mind blanked and her heart froze at the reminder. "I can't say it. I won't ever."

You hear her take a deep breath, it shakes. You finally look at her. And the thoughts of running away with Leonora Lesso didn't seem mad anymore.

"Time will come." was all she said, but her expression betrayed the strength of her voice.

"I won't let it come. If that's what it takes." your voice had gone small, and your feet dragged you beside Lesso. You take her hand with yours and entangle your fingers. You can't let go. Would rather die than be able to. "I can survive Trial by Tales--"

"No. No. We agreed on this. We won't ever." she grips your hand tighter. Desperate. "Evil and Good don't belong together."

And there it is. The string keeping your heart from breaking snaps, and you had fallen into pieces before her. Tears welled up in your eyes as you shifted closer. You leaned in, hoping to find some insincerity in her eyes. A facade. Because this had to be a joke, a cruel joke. And you'd rather she admit it was and forgive her for being evil than for it being true.

"Leonora, that is not true. You and I both know we belong together. This cannot just stay like this. I don't want us to be just a memory." You begged, holding her hands as if she'd slip through any time.

She would.

"It won't just be a memory for me if it's any consolation, my love."

"I can't deny you."

As the moon passed by the clouds, the moonlight shone right over Lesso's face. Her cheeks glistened with the tears that had fallen. You reached to wipe them, but she had stopped and held your hand before she could. A denial.

"Then it's best if I do."

Professor Anemone had flashed the warmest and the perfect smile as she approached you. The pressure builds up in your breath as you try to imitate. You reminded yourself how foolish it was to think you could still fail at her class, but you were nervous as you smiled, anyway. The Professor hadn't commented on it and instead initiated a quick hug.

"Well, if it isn't our lovely [Y/N]. I'd never admit that before," she raises a playful eyebrow and clinks it with yours and Dovey's. "but you certainly have grown. Engaged, I heard." you start thinking if she had heard of it, too.

Professor Dovey snapped her head in your direction at this, obviously taken aback. You wouldn't blame her. It wasn't something you'd do a year ago. "Engaged?"

You hold out your right hand, and despite having done this a couple of times, the action cringes you as they stare at the beautiful ring. "I meant to tell."

"It's beautiful..." Professor Anemone blinks, "But."

"She'd rather not talk about it." Professor Dovey interrupts, and you smile reassuringly at both of them. "I am glad you're engaged and set to a wonderful, fairytale life, dear."

Your smile tightened. A wonderful, fairytale life you had envisioned before had been different, and beautifully so. The thought of it makes you want to choke. It had been a long time since that dream came across your mind, but the effect lingered the same. The longing and the pain tore through your heart, still. You wanted to excuse yourself then and there when a certain woman walked over the small circle of you and the two Professors.

"You came,"

All the air in your lungs escaped. And so did Anemone and Dovey.

Leonora Lesso stood tall, her heels bothering her feet like always, and dressed in an all-black outfit appropriate for Never Professors, looking as Evil and as beautiful as ever. A wonder. And still, still, she took your breath away.

"You came, too." was all your stupid mouth could say, your eyes fixed on her amethyst ones. Limitless, you'd describe it then. And you were right even after all these years.

"It's kind of mandatory." she humored, and you smiled, and she forgot to breathe as well. It's insane, she thinks, of how you were still able to do this to her. To have this kind of hold after everything.

When Leonora thought she was on the brink of death, her life flashed before her eyes, and she saw you. Your eyes. Your smile. She felt you. Your soft hands. Your touch. You.

Silence fell, awkward silence. And you had shifted your gaze from her eyes to the ground, afraid of letting too much of your emotions fall out. You wonder if she was at all feeling the same.

"Professor Dovey said you changed. A surprise, she claims." you start, hoping it'd suffice for a conversation.

"Dovey says a lot of things."

"I know."

"I should say the same for you." she watched your ring, and you followed suit. You felt almost defensive of your actions when you realized. "I say congratulations are in order."

You gulp the lump in your throat, "You don't have to."

"Congratulations, [Y/N]."

You crumbled. Lesso's face was void of anything but hurt. For a second, you were sure tears formed in the corners of her eyes, and you struggled not to pull her into your arms like before. Why can't this just be like before?

"It's for formality. I don't love him. It's not like that." you quickly blabbered, breathing heavily. "I... shit. Just..." and without warning, you took her by arm and electricity flowed through your skin. You try not to focus on the fact that this has been the first time you touched her in years as you drag the both of you to your secret spot. A surreptitious place that felt like it was built solely for the two of you. When you arrived, a breath you didn't know you were holding was still stuck in your throat. You pull your hand away.

Leonora stands a few feet away, maintaining a distance to keep herself from running up to you and having you be hers again.

"You look beautiful tonight."

"Stop,"

"[Y/N], I apologize--"

"No. Stop,"

"Please, just--"

"You denied me!" all the pain throughout the years, the hurt that had grown over time and had been forgotten, and the frustration, came out trembling. The tears you refrained from falling fell free. Leonora Lesso has always been your ruin. "You denied me, Leonora. I told you I love you and I wanted to fight for you. That--that this fucking Good versus Evil bullshit was nothing compared to what we had-- what we have-- that it was greater than anything withstanding us! And you denied me."

The moonlight shone just like that night. You see Leonora's eyebrows furrowed, and it only took you a second to realize she was crying, too. Her red hair, longer now, had cascaded just above her shoulder. And you ached to brush your fingers on it.

"I love you." she steps closer.

"No."

"I love you so much." and closer.

"Leonora--"

"I love you, [Y/N]."

And you admit defeat. Just like before. You meet her halfway and wrap your arms around her neck as you pull her in for a kiss. Heavens, her lips. Her kiss. Her hands find its usual place on your waist. The feel of her pressed up. The brush of her nose. You could die. It all seemed to fit so perfectly. Like two puzzles. Like two fated people meant to be each other's.

The moment she pulls away, you sniffle, tears still flowing. She chuckles at the sight of you, wiping your tears away with her thumb. You lean into the touch. "You are the best thing in my life and I was a fool to let you go. To ever believe those things I've said, to even imply them. I was the greatest fool ever. But I can't live this life, [Y/N], not without you. I can't live with knowing I had you and set you free. I cannot."

"I love you, too, you dumbass."

Leonora smiles, and your heart swells with so much love. The sound of your diamond ring falling to the ground cracks a smile in you, and Lesso brushes her nose against yours. You inhale her scent. Unchanging. Just like this unwavering love between the two of you. You press your lips against hers again, feeling at home within her arms.

"Deny me again and I'll kill you, you hear me?"

"And to think you graduated School for Good."

the end.

any grammatical errors and typos will be changed in the morning because wtf it's 3 am I AM TIRED. SUFFER FOR A LITTLE. GOOD NIGHT.

#leonora lesso #lady lesso #leonora lesso x reader #lady lesso x reader #the school for good and evil #sfgae #charlize theron #charlize theron x reader #wlw #hurt/comfort #fluff #was so sleepy writing this holy shit

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inkfablesandstories · 2 years

Text

missed f(l)ight║m. verstappen

pairing: max verstappen x reader (platonic: lando norris and daniel ricciardo)

requested: yes/no

synopsis: in which max and his partner fall into an argument about commitment to their relationship before max’s flight to baku and there’s nothing more than the two of them wanting to be with each other

warnings: a bit of angst, argument, js verstappen (mentioned), hlmut m*rko (mentioned), softie!max

word count: 3k

The pair was silently driving in the dark. The silence wasn’t common and, even this time, it was uncomfortable too.

Max tapped his fingers on top of the driving wheel, turning slightly to look at the silhouette of his girlfriend. She had her body turned slightly away from him, staring out at the slowly setting sun.

“Why aren’t you letting me come with you?” she asked, “Are you ashamed of me?”

“No,” he replied, “I just don’t always need you by my side, and anyways if the media sees you in Baku they will most certainly find out.”

“But, Max,” her eyes slowly filled with tears that were just sitting there, not escaping her eyes yet, “Why is it so bad for them to know? I don’t see a problem, I always go with you. I gave up a lot to be here with you and just, normally, to be in a relationship with you.”

Max could see in her body that she was still upset with him after their argument. She was an open person, wearing her emotions on her shoulder; he wished he could grab her hand that was simply sitting on her seat.

Neither wanted to leave on a bad note but it was impossible for either to speak up and admit their mistakes. Well, more so Max wanted to speak up and apologise- y/n did nothing wrong. His anger and stress took over any logical thought as they were arguing.

“Well, I didn’t ask for you to drop it all,” he accused her, “For all you want, you could go and do whatever you want.”

“Max, that’s not the point! The thing is that a relationship goes both ways, not one. You know that as well as I do. But I have to give up more in this relationship because you have a serious job and a big future on the line.”

“You give up more?” Max asked her, incrediously, “What other stupid accusations would you like to make?”

“Max, I am not saying that it’s bad. However, all I ask is that you give something back. I dropped everything so that we could spend more time together. You wanted it.”

“And so did you-”

“- Exactly, Max! That’s why I want to go with you to Baku but you’re just making stupid excuses for me not to go. What am I going to do here in the next few days?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “Go shopping, explore the city, hang out with your friends-”

“- All my friends are back at home. You’re my only friend here in Monaco, along with the other drivers. And you all will be there in Baku!”

The car approached the empty aeroplane hangar, his private jet already waiting there, Daniel’s silhouette jumping in front of the jet along with Lando’s. He wanted to think of any words that possibly could help the situation they were in but he knew that no words would easily resolve their arguments in a matter of minutes.

The two McLaren drivers started waving at the car approaching them, Max reached out for her hand and gently wrapped his larger hand around hers. Instead of turning to look at him, y/n kept looking out into the distance; she barely reciprocated- just holding his hand, not squeezing it as she usually would.

“God, y/n,” Max complained, “You have never moaned about missing a race so much before.”

“Well, because I always go with you and if I couldn’t I had a reason for not going! Max, I don’t understand why you don’t want me to come- last year, you invited me to every race last year…”

“And we weren’t dating back then,” he explained, “I just don’t feel comfortable with you being there and knowing my luck in Baku-”

“You’re not comfortable?” she interrupted him, surprised by his choice of words, “You’ve never said that before. Even when we started dating, you never told me that you ‘feel uncomfortable’. What’s going on, Max?”

“Nothing!” Max could feel the irritation slowly start to itch, “What do you not understand about that?”

“Well, because you’ve never behaved like this before. And I am worried that I did something wrong. We promised each other that we would tell each other anything that was bothering us, even if it might hurt the other’s feelings.”

“Will you please stop? I told you that I just don’t want you to come, alright?” he huffed, “Nothing less, nothing more.”

She stood silently in front of him, arms crossed with a broken, tired look on her face. She looked away from him as she normally would when she was feeling shy or not sure how to deal with something and her emotions; he could see the gears working behind her eyes, trying to solve his peculiar outburst.

Max slowly stopped the car in front of the two McLaren drivers, both seemingly excited by their trip to Baku, with their large smiles evident on their faces. Before Lando opened her door, y/n gently let go of Max’s hand; he immediately missed the warmth of her hand in his and the secureness he felt whenever the two would hold each other.

Lando enveloped y/n in a warm hug, with Daniel following his driving partner, “How are you?”

She smiled at the two, “I am doing fantastic, what about you?”

“Excited,” Lando replied as Daniel nodded in agreement.

“How are you, Maxie?” Daniel asked his previous driving partner.

“Excited too, ready to kick your asses in Baku,” he faked a laugh.

“With your pace this year,” Daniel laughed, “I would not be surprised at all.”

“Is it so hard?” he asked her, “It’s just a week.”

She silently stared at him, “Okay.”

She turned away from Max, heading towards the balcony, his two cats, as if feeling her distress and sadness, followed her. He couldn’t help but feel horrible for what just incurred, he didn’t mean to be so ruthless and cold, ignoring anything that she said.

“Are you coming with me to the jet?” he asked her, not expecting a ‘yes’.

Still turned away from him, she answered, “Sure, if that’s alright with you.”

“Of course, Daniel and Lando will-” he started speaking but she just left the living room, not listening to whatever he had to say after he said ‘of course’.

He called her name, “Hey, are you alright?”

She turned towards him, looking incredulously, “No, Max, and what does it matter to you? I don’t want to argue anymore.”

Max sighed, seeing that it was a dead end with whatever he might have wanted to fix after their argument. He wished he could apologise so easily and she could take him back as if nothing ever happened. But he knew that wouldn’t be the case, she was always kind and accepting of whatever he did, however she would always get a bit more sensitive when they would argue about what each brought to their relationship.

“So, we’re ready to leave?” Lando asked the pair, “Got everything this time with you, y/n?”

She laughed at his teasing, “No, not this time. I’m not coming, unfortunately,”

“Why not?” both McLaren drivers were surprised by her statement.

“Oh, well, I just have some friends coming over and, you know, haven’t seen them in a while, so I thought that I could spend some time with them in Monaco.”

“Friends?” Daniel joked, “We are your only friends, y/n. You’re so quiet that you barely even made friends with half of the drivers on the grid. Even with me and Lando, it took you at least a couple months to get comfortable.”

“Even with Max,” Lando laughed as he added on, “Before the two of you started dating, it was such a horrible, awkward period with you always saying ‘that we’re just friends’. And you guys had been friends for such a long time before.”

“Well, I just don’t tell you all about my life, then,” she tried to joke.

“But are you sure you don’t want to come?” Lando asked, “Luisa is coming on Friday evening, and both Carmen and Lily will be there and possibly, even, Charlotte. Why don’t you fly in on one of the later days? Even after qualifying, just make sure to be there by Sunday. ”

“I’d love to but I’d have to buy a flight in the span of next two days and it’d be so stressful to do something so last minute,” she told him, “Look, it’s fine. Hopefully, I’ll make it to Canada.”

“Hopefully?” Daniel piqued up, “You always come to any of the races.”

“Who knows? Maybe I’ll make new plans with my friends,” she laughed, “Now, I don’t want to hold you up anymore. Have fun, alright?”

“Thanks, mum,” Lando hugged the girl, “See you later then.”

Daniel hugged her as well, quietly whispering in her ear, “If you’re bored with your friends, call Lando or I.”

“Thanks,” she told him, “Have a safe flight, you two.”

The pair turned away to let the couple have their moment- to say their goodbye’s and ‘I love you’s. Max stared at the girl in front of him; she was gorgeous in the sunset’s light, looking at him through her beautiful eyelashes, even her eyes were glowing in the last rays of the sunlight. He had no words. What could he tell the girl in front of him that would save anything left of their relationship?

“I-” he began before she interrupted him.

“-Look, Max, I don’t want us to fight anymore. All I ever would want is the best for you and I don’t want to stress you out or anything more, I want you to score P1, or really anything because you’ll do amazing and I believe that you can do amazingly, and now I will stop rambling because Lando and Daniel are waiting on you,” she stood up on her tiptoes and gave Max a soft kiss on the cheek, “You’ll do amazing.”

Max stood in silence, absorbing everything that she just told him, “Thank you, I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too,” she smiled and took his car keys, “Have fun, tell the boys good luck from me too.”

She was the first one to turn around, heading towards Max’s Aston Martin. He stood there for a moment before turning around and heading to his jet, entering it to the already energetic environment created by Lando and Daniel. He put his bag onto an empty seat, storing his luggage over head.

“Do you want anything, mate?” Lando asked him, “Some gin? We can have a small party here before Baku!”

“I’m alright, just some water, please,” Max looked out of the jet’s window, eyes set on the Aston Martin his girlfriend entered.

The two McLaren drivers looked at each other, confused by their friend’s responses, “You alright?”

Max waved Daniel off, “Yes, everything’s fine.”

“That’s not what I asked you, Max. Are you alright?”

Max stayed silent as he watched the Aston Martin slowly drive away. He knew the car would stop and she would watch them fly away, she always did so when she would stay in Monaco.

“You didn’t proclaim your love for y/n, or pepper her with a million kisses, or hug her until she’d turn red and push you away, or even tell her ‘I love you’...”

Driving the car slowly, y/n couldn’t help but feel the smallest of tears roll gently down her cheeks. She knew that if she cried all alone right now, she would be depressed for the rest of the week, eating neapolitan ice cream every night and watching sad romantic movies like ‘The Notebook’ and ‘Call Me By Your Name’.

She slowly drove the car further away, ready to stop it when it was far enough from the plane, where she could watch the plane take off in safety. She watched the sky palette above her- all shades of blue, purple, pink, orange and yellow.

The banging on the car trunk stopped her. She looked into her rear window to see a red-faced and out of breath Max banging on the trunk of his car. Braking the car, Max ran up to the driver’s door, opening it for her as she took off her seatbelt.

“Max?”

“Come with me!”

“Where to?” she laughed, shocked.

“To Baku!”

She got out of the car, “Max, what are you going on about?”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry for all I said. I was wrong about everything. I can’t go without you. You have given so much to me and, recently, I haven’t returned anything and when I have the chance to, I don’t. I know that the second free practice finishes that I will be missing you and wishing that you were there with me. I don’t want to lose what we have-”

“-Max, I wasn’t going to break up with you,” she tried to reassure him.

“Maybe, but I don’t want to take the chance; I don’t want you to stay all alone at home, crying over me because you don’t deserve it, you shouldn’t be crying over me, unless it’s good. I want our relationship to last forever, I want to grow old with you and open your bookstore wherever you want- London, Paris or Amsterdam, or even on a quiet peculiar street no one knows of. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and that means when you come with me to my races, because I realised that without you I feel lonely, even if I have company from Lando and Daniel. I want to hug you everyday, pepper you with a million kisses, profess my love for you in any way possible and wake up every morning to your face. And I know we’re still young and that we only started dating this year, but I’ve known you for all those years before and you were still the most special person then. You were, are, like my family and I would never sacrifice you for anything; I’ll even give up racing just for you and we can both run away, away from everyone and find some cottage and hide peacefully there from everyone else. Because I love you with all of my heart and I don’t think there’s any more space for anyone else in my heart.”

She stared at him in shock. She knew that he loved her and that the same was applied vice versa but she never expected the words that tumbled out of his mouth. Max could see the small tears reappearing again and he started worrying.

“Please! Don’t cry!” he tried wiping her tears, “I didn’t mean-”

“-Max! They’re happy tears!” she laughed, grabbing his hands that were on her face, “They’re happy tears!”

“Happy?” the boy seemed to be scared to do anything after the tears fell out, “I-”

But before he could speak anymore, she grabbed his face and brought it down to her’s, crashing their lips together. It was a passionate kiss but not one to instigate anything more, instead to show the love that the couple held for each other. It was one where they could forget about everything and everyone around them and just enjoy the embrace of one other; pulling away was something neither wanted to but if they didn’t, y/n felt like her lungs would explode.

He rested his forehead on hers, “Will you come with me?”

“Max,” she laughed, “I have nothing on me right now, except for my own clothes.”

“I’ll buy you everything when we get there, tomorrow morning, any clothes, any bags, anything that you would need. Just, please, come with me-”

“-That sounds lovely but I don’t have a toothbrush or pyjamas with me which I would need when we land and get to the hotel-”

“The hotel will have everything, we’ll ask for a toothbrush, and you can just take any of my extra shirts and wear it to sleep in.”

“You brought shirts that aren’t your Red Bull polo shirt?” she joked.

“Hey! I have some style,” he huffed, pouting slightly at her, “Or I have an extra shirt of yours.”

She stared at him in silence, shocked and surprised by what he just said, “You have an extra shirt of mine?”

“Yes?” he suddenly turned timid.

“For what reason would you have my shirt, Verstappen? Makes you look like a creep,” she laughed.

“Don’t laugh! I just, well, I, you know, after our argument I was already missing you and I felt that I wouldn’t be able to sleep without you, so I, I,” Max stopped, slightly embarrassed by his rambling and what he was going to say next, “I took one of your shirts because they all smell like you, so I could have some piece of you at least there…”

The boy in front of her kept surprising her, “You know, most people would find it absolutely weird but, somehow, my heart is melting at your sweetness.”

He blushed a bright red, a hand reaching to scratch the back of his neck, “So, will you come with me?”

“I just have one last question: why did you not want me to come with you at first?” she just needed to get to the bottom of this.

“I,” he hesitated, trying to find the correct way to phrase what he was going to say, “Well, there was a meeting with my father and Helmut about a week ago, just after the Monaco Grand Prix, and a couple more PR representatives. They started getting suspicious of the two of us after this article that leaked some pictures and they gave it to me to read. I don’t want to bring you into the world of media and newspapers; I don’t want them to rip you apart just because of my actions; I don’t want them to hurt you. I’m just scared that if I let them see you, they’ll break you and break us.”

“Max, I find it really sweet that you care so much,” she told him, “But we are supposed to be in this together. If we stand with each other hand in hand, nothing matters to me. Alright?”

Her hand cupped his cheek in reassurance, pecking him on his lips. He smiled back at her words.

“I love you, you know that?”

“I love you even more, Maxie,” she kissed him one last time.

#max verstappen x reader #max verstappen #max verstappen angst #max verstappen fluff #daniel ricciardo #lando norris #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen imagine #f1 one shot #max verstappen x you #f1 #daniel ricciardo x reader #lando norris x reader

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muzicgenerator · 8 months

Note

pls could u do a tom kaulitz angst? like he’s arguing w reader and mentions something he knows the reader doesn’t like bringing up, and he has to make it up to her, then it can turn into fluff <3

yep here it is!!

hope u like it and sorry for late reply T_T

(BRO OHHH MY GOD THE ORIGINAL STORYLINE DIDNT SAVE 😭😭😭 so i just made a new one which is this one AGHHH SO MAD RN btw i didnt proof read the entire thing)

⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒

Atonement

✮

Pairing: Tom Kaulitz x Reader

Genre: a bit Angsty, Fluff

Warnings: None

Request Status: closed :(

✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧✮ Last Night on Earth : Green Day

Playful bantering was one of the things you and Tom would do everyday in your relationship.

Sure, serious arguments would rise up which a simple kiss and genuine apology would quickly fix.

However those two won't do it right now.

"The hell do you mean I have trust issues?!"

"What?! It's true! Your ex cheated on you so you're scared to trust me; It's not like I'm gonna do what that guy did!"

Definitely, Tom shouldn't have brought your ex up who has no relation to this quarrel.

He knew how much of a prick he was to you and how he treated you; he even witnessed how devastated you were when you once came to him to seek comfort when you found out for the second time he had been cheating.

And he knew damn well you never wanna hear about the jerk ever again.

However, you did appreciate him admitting he wouldn't repeat the history you had with your past lover.

"The fuck, Tom? That bitch has no connection whatsoever about what we're fighting about right now.

And I saw the way you looked at her! It's like, if I didn't interrupt you both would've shared spits by then." enraged by what he said; you raised your voice to match his volume - which was unlike you since you're the composed one out of you two during serious arguments.

"Sorry but he kinda does! This issue you're having surely started with him. I remember the way you wasted your snot and tears on him and I dried it off.

And please stop being overdramatic, she's just a fan and I wanted to make sure she's happy. Not only with her; I mean with everyone of them!"

Tom tried hard to defend himself instead of admitting his wrongdoing.

"You are such an ass for bringing that shit up again when you know damn well your ass had issues too that I helped you get over with and all I've ever done was try my greatest to understand and care for you!

All I ever wanted was for you to stop looking at other people and look at me.. Am I asking for too much?" your voice whispered in offence and slightly croaked which made you resent yourself more.

Tom realized with wide eyes of what he had done,

"No, no of course not ____. No, look- I'm really sorry for what I said, I really am and-"

"Just shut the hell up, Tom. Save it, I don't wanna hear it right now." you harshly brushed past him to storm off to your apartment's bedroom in fear of hot tears falling down to your cheeks.

He sighed; ashamed in himself. Tom truly regrets letting those harsh and unnecessary words slip his blunt mouth. He knew he was better than this - definitely, he should control his mouth more and think about what he should say carefully during times like this.

The night spent alone in the bed you'd always share with Tom felt cruel.

Not for the reason he's not by your side; it's rather the fact that you're in bed without properly making up with him since you'd always forgive one another the same day.

A big part of you wanted to forgive him - believe that he truly didn't mean what he told you and only accidentally slipped because of the heat in the moment; that we all say things we don't mean when we're mad, and that he really wouldn't stab you on the back with a woman like your past lover did.

The smaller part of you scolded for being such an idiot; for believing a man would stay loyal - that you should call it off before he could do any further damage.

Honestly, you felt devastated just thinking about not being with him; so you eventually came into terms with yourself that the fire will settle down and you'll forgive him and he'll do better.

Don't know when it'll die down but it will. Hopefully soon.

Some relationships are worth fighting for, like you have with Tom.

Hence you will stay strong and prepare for many wars.

But tonight; you wanted and allowed yourself to fall asleep being upset and disappointed at Tom.

You'll let tomorrow do its thing.

✮✮✮

It was the next day and the back of your head was pounding alongside a stiff neck.

You sat up and glanced at the digital clock placed on your night table that read 11:37 AM.

After stretching your limbs out while reminiscing the night before; you decided it's time to wash your face and start making lunch for yourself.

When you turned the knob and pushed it open; you were greeted with the aroma of your favourite dish; one that was always served to you as a child when you still lived with your family - one that you shared its recipe and process with your lover.

"Tom?" you asked in disbelief. You were certain he had left since your ears picked up the sound of the front door being pushed open then close in the middle of the night.

Certainty assured your mind that you'd rather not see his face first thing in the morning after such a night. Boy, were you wrong.

Your lover turned his head quickly; unaware of your presence since he's so caught up finishing, as well as perfecting the dish.

"Oh- love, you're awake. I um.. made breakfast but you didn't get up and it's uh, it's almost time for lunch so I thought I'd make your favourite." he stumbled over his words; which is bizarre.

"The pancakes are on the table, you can eat them later as a snack."

You nodded your head with a tight lipped smile and mumbled a thanks before heading to the bathroom.

Once the door had shut; you quickly drowned your face with water to remove the image of Tom cooking without a shirt on.

It's not like it's the first time you've seen him like that; but the way you're reacting right now is how you feel when you catch him in these types of situations - preferably without the post-fight shit going.

After peeing, washing your hands, brushing your teeth washing and drying your face, and doing your skin care - you forced yourself to go back outside for you cannot stay in the bathroom forever.

When you opened and closed the baby blue painted door; your eyes wandered off to the table and drooled at the sight of the newly cooked meal.

Tom patted the seat beside him with a smile; gesturing you to sit beside him.

You had no choice but to join him for lunch; after all, you are starving.

Instead of giving in to his request, you sat in front of him.

Instead of painting a frown on his lips; he still kept his genuinely proud smile (from cooking such a delicious dish) and handed you your plate and utensils - to which you accepted.

"Let's eat?" Tom asked.

"I don't wanna eat without talking about last night." you said with a straight face.

The man in front of you softly breathed a sigh,

"You're right." he agreed with a nod

"I'll start by saying I'm really sorry, and I didn't mean what I said. I just want you to know I would never even dare to think about betraying you like that, and I was an ass for what I did." Tom seemed to look everywhere but your eyes.

He couldn't bring himself to look at your mesmerizing hues for he was certain his shredded heart would be turned into dust.

"I don't even know why I said those things, I- I know this sounds like bullshit but I swear I really don't mean those things and you're the only person who I have my eyes on.

Please give me another chance I- I'll be better now, promise!" he trailed off and fearfully continued;

"But y'know if uh.. if you don't and wanna call it o-"

"Shut up Tom we're not breaking up." you sighed

"I know you said those to defend what you did, and it slipped out because of the heat of the moment. We all say shit we don't mean when mad, I understand. But what I don't understand is why you'd caress her cheek and look into her eyes like that?" your eyes examined his facial expressions and only saw genuine regret on his face. You hoped he'd look at your eyes and tell you directly why.

Hence, before his ready mouth started to explain; you tell him, "Tom, look into my eyes, please."

You caught the way the ball of his throat bopped up and down; swallowing his saliva. His eyes slowly trailed up from the table to your chest, neck, chin, nose, then eyes.

"She said she'd been a fan since the very beginning of the band's debut. She loved all us a lot, especially me. I asked her if meeting us was a dream come true, she said yeah, and we talked a bit more. Then she asked me to touch her face because she really couldn't believe that it was all happening, which I did."

Tom would look away from the two windows of your soul for a second before meeting again.

He was replied with silence; which kind of scared him.

"____? Please say something."

"For God's sake Tom, why didn't you just start with that last night when I brought it up?"

Tom rapidly blinked once, twice, thrice, then for the fourth time. "... I must've forgot to bring it up because I was so caught up in the moment."

You laughed; a true one, "You mean too focused into bringing my ex up?"

He was speechless by how just a second ago you were dead ass serious, and now crying laughing at what you said.

"Sorry, I'm done laughing now." you giggled before continuing, "Fine, I'll forgive you if you tell me where you went last night."

"I went back to my apartment and did some thinking how to make it up to you and slept there. I went out really early to buy groceries so i can cook your favourite food here."

It was your turn to be speechless.

"...You seriously did that?" you asked with doubt in your voice.

"Yeah, I mean the proof is on the table." Tom chuckled.

You said nothing and finally dug into the 5 star looking meal, soon your lover did as well.

"Sooo, are we good?" Tom hopefully asked after sipping his water from the cylinder glass.

"I guess so." you blessed him with a small smile to which he returned with a big one.

Conversation flowed naturally between you as you ate the savoury food.

If Tom didn't make it as a famous guitarist, he'd definitely be a winner in Hell's Kitchen.

After Tom cleaned put the dishes to the sink; you insisted to wash it since he cooked. He declined numerous times but it wasn't going anywhere since you're more stubborn than him.

"All right, fine. Only if you let me hug you from behind." Tom made a deal.

"Pshh, why're you asking as if you don't do that whenever I do shit in the kitchen?"

Tom rolled his eyes with a smirk drawn on his lips as a reply and proceeded to snake his large hands to your waist; then pressing his chest to your back and resting his chin on the crown of your head.

Nothing could be heard other than the clanking of pans, plates, and utensils, along with the flow of the running water from the faucet.

The comfortable verbal silence and physical contact was very much needed after a fight.

After drying your hands with a cloth; you walked towards the couch and sat with your boyfriend still embracing you from behind.

"What do you wanna watch?" you turned your head to the side to look up at his face.

"Whatever you want, I'm fine with anything." Tom looked down to your eyes, then lips.

Slowly, he leaned his fave closer to yours so he could taste your lips.

Once contact had been made; you couldn't help but melt even more to his touch and wrap your arms around his neck - and he couldn't help but deepen the kiss and caress your waist and back.

Soon enough, the passionate kiss had come to an end to catch their breaths.

"I love you so much. You know that, right?" Tom stared into her hues as the tip of their noses touched.

You slowly nodded and brought your hands up to his hollow cheeks, "I love you more." you said before pulling his face closer to kiss each other's lips once again.

Tom mumbled in-between the kisses, "I love you the most, sweetheart." before deepening it. His tongue soon entered your mouth and both your hands rubbed and caressed your bodies.

The hot post-fight make out session would last as long as half the length of the movie you played in the middle of the session; playing Atonement for the millionth time from your entire life.

After pulling your mouths away due to your jaws hurting; you slept and cuddled like babies.

Feeling the safest in each other's arms.

#tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz #request #bill kaulitz #george listing #gustav schäfer

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sweetlyskz · 1 year

Text

For Better or For Worse

Chapter Five: The Sun and Moon

Pairing: Poly!Ot7 x reader

Overview: you weren’t thrilled to be moving in with bangtan but you learned to come to terms with it. Your father however did not. When truths come to light and secrets are revealed, will you switch sides or simply exclude yourself from the situation altogether?

Genre: Mafia Au, strangers to lovers, yandere Au, slight angst, a little fluff :3

Warnings: none

Prev||Next

Masterlist

A/n: a short but sweet chapter :) the next one will not be so sweet :/

“Who are you texting?”

You turned your phone off and slid it in your back pocket. “No one”, you told them. You knew if you told them who you were talking to, they would make sure you never leave your bedroom, like a disney princess but with major ptsd. However, no matter what you say, they can read you like a book.

“Don’t lie princess”, Namjoon suggested sternly. “I’m not going to ask again… Who are you texting?” That was it. That was that line that made you short circuit.

“Why is it that I have to tell you every little thing that I do but I don’t get to know anything about you? You all are hypocritical! Asking me what I’m doing, when you leave before I can even wake up and you sit at this table ignoring me!”

“Y/n–”

You cut him off. “Don’t. Don’t fucking act like you care when you obviously don’t. I sit in this house everyday with nothing to do, no one to talk to. At least you guys have each other. Who do I have?”

With that being said, you slammed your fork and knife on the glass table and sped off to your room. You did not want to hear or see the consequences of your actions. Although, you did have a little hope that one, if not all of the boys would come see you. You thought Namjoon would at least apologize. But you got nothing. And that just proved what you knew all along.

They don’t care and you're nothing but a ransom.

When you woke up it was still dark, no sun peeking through the curtains. You look over at the clock on your nightstand.

2:37 am, it read.

You groaned, tossing and turning in your comforter. The house was unusually quiet. You didn’t hear any of the boys, not even a guard. Slowly, you unlocked your bedroom door, not before grabbing the knife from your nightstand. The whole house was dark, a small light in the kitchen was all you could see. When you got there, you saw Jin putting leftovers in the refrigerator.

“Okay, so you aren’t dead”, you deadpanned, turning and heading back to your bed. He lightly grabbed your wrist.

“Wait, can we talk for a second?” He asked, hoping you would say yes. You crossed your arms.

“5 minutes. That’s all I have time for.” He smiled, easing you both over to the couch in the living room. He loved when you tried to be assertive.

It never works but it’s amusing to see you try.

“I just want to apologize. The others– they’re too headstrong to say it but we shouldn’t have holed you up in this house all by yourself. I know we can be distant sometimes… but when you do what we do everyday it seems like some things just aren’t meant for you– does that make sense?”

You shook your head. He chuckled lightly.

“I figured it wouldn’t.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You're like the sun, this big bright ball of positive energy. You see the good in every situation, and you have a kinetic pull, making people around you want to be better”, He explained. “We are like the moon, hiding behind the sun. You're too good for us.”

“That’s… That’s not true”, you hesitated. “That's just another excuse.”

He shook his head. “Why do you think they won’t come and apologize for what happened at dinner? They’re ashamed. It’s easier to stay away than admit we don’t deserve you.”

“But I was raised just like you guys. I was killing in elementary school. How am I any different?”

“Because you don’t let it define you”, Jin tried to reason. “You grew up in this life, yet you graduated, went to college, and got to leave the country. Now, I’m not saying this to be spiteful. Believe it or not we’re all extremely proud of you.”

“Then why bring it up?”

“To show you all of the things that made you you, the you that I’m grateful to have in my life.”

Tears started to run down his cheeks. Seeing him cry all of a sudden made your eyes water.

“Y-you don’t mean that”, you refuted. He gently grabbed both of your hands, wrapping them in his. Then he brought them to his chest, holding them like his life depended on it.

“Don’t worry”, He consoled you. “We work it out. We will make progress. I know we will.”

It sounded like he wasn’t just trying to convince you but himself as well. He repeated it over and over again, sounding a little more uncertain each time. You took your hand away from his, wrapping your arms around his neck instead. He pulled you into his lap, sitting that way for a good minute.

“Jin”, you whispered. “Can I ask you something?”

He patted your head with one hand, the other one running through your hair. “Anything you want, princess.”

“Can we go see my dad, one more time… Just you and me?”

He laughed. “Are you crazy? My job is to protect you, not endanger you.”

“But I need to know why he did what he did”, You whined. “I want to know why he wants me dead and I have to hear it from him.”

He thought about it for a while, the silence making you anxious.

“Let me talk to Joon first, okay? If he says yes then we can go.”

You smiled, getting up from his lap. “I’ll go get him from the study.”

@ratherbefangirling @forpunishers @amara-mars @idk179634 @emu007 @m1sss1mp @mageprincess7 @fluffy-canada-pancakes @inlovewithallmusic @bratbxbyx @kaiwaialiki1210 @queen-in-the-shadows @exfolitae @scuzmunkie @juju-227592

The ones in pink I can’t tag

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lostbetweenvampiresandmusic · 10 days

Note

Could I request #16 and #22 with all of the boys or just Dwayne?

16. Time becomes meaningless after a while...

22. I know, it's stupid, crying alone in the dark in a cemetery.

--------------------------------------

I sat down in the gravel, crossing my legs. Wrapped in brown paper were some roses lying next to me, the paper wet from the ground it was laying on. In front of me was a headstone, made out of grey marble. On it was my name, my birthday and my supposed death day. I sighed, not knowing what to feel. It had been so long since it happened, so long since that night, since I left my human family behind without even realising it.

Before I knew it, the tears were rolling down my cheek. I couldn't stop myself. For the first time in decades, I allowed myself to cry, to mourn the life I'd lost that night. To mourn the family I'd lost.

I'd closed my eyes, only opening them when I felt the presence of someone standing behind me. I looked up and noticed it was an old friend. In all honesty, he was more than just an old friend. But when i had last seen him, he hadn't been ready to accept it yet. So here he was, as an old friend. An old friend I hadn't seen in ages.

"I know," I sighed with a sad smile, "its stupid, crying alone in the dark in a cemetery."

Dwayne smiled, sitting down next to me. "It's not."

"It's been a while, since I've last seen you."

He nodded. "Max hast kept us busy."

"Not that I mind, but why are you here?"

"David noticed that another vampire had entered the territory. I was send to check it out."

"Ah, you're just the welcome comity?"

"Just this once, just for you."

I smiled shyly, looking back at my headstone. "I'm honoured, Dwayne."

"You never answered my question from the last time we met," he said after a moment, as he looked at my headstone. "Don't tell me you were ashamed to admit you were older than me?"

"Oh no!" I smiled a genuine smile at him. "I'm not, and it's not by that many years."

"Good." He nodded. "Because it would be a shame if you were."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"I've been told in not so many words that if I found my mate I shouldn't be an idiot about it."

"And?"

"I've been very idiotic around you."

"Previous times, maybe. Now I do quite enjoy your company."

"I'm glad to hear it." He looked at me.

I looked back, studying his face. I sensed a certain nervousness. "You don't have to be worried. I never rejected the mating bond, nor did I ever have the intention to."

Dwayne couldn't help but chuckle. The way he had dragged his mate into the Emerson mess in the eighties would have been enough reason to reject the bond. He supposed he was lucky, with a mate like his.

"We're going to have to figure out how to make this work, though, " I said with a soft tone. "As much as I tried back then, I am not one for nightly parties and playing human."

"That doesn't matter. I am not a big fan of human interaction either. We'll find a way to make it work."

I stood up, taking his hand in mine. I looked him in the eyes and found myself smiling. "We better do."

"Why?" Dwayne asked. "We will work, we were made for each other."

"Yes we were," I nodded. "But we mustn't forget that-"

"What?"

"Time becomes meaningless after a while..."

Dwayne shook his head, looking at me. "It doesn't," he said firmly. "You lived the past three decades alone. You didn't have a family to talk to, or to hang out with. All you had was you."

I nodded.

"Now you won't. You'll have me, and we'll have centuries to explore who we are together and what we're going to be. And you'll have the boys, keeping you on your toes and making sure your life won't be boring. As long as eternity might be, it won't lose its meaning. I promise."

I nodded, a tearful smile on my face. "I'd love for you to be by my side." I said softly, caressing his face. "I'd love for you to show me what immortality means to you, and I'll try to do the same in return."

He kissed me softly, after quietly asking if he could. He held me in his arms, and it didn't take long before I realised he was right. I had him. Eternity wouldn't be something I would spend alone, I would spend it with my mate and his family. I would get new ways to fill this life and share it with him. I smiled at him, as he stood up and took me along to his bike.

"Thank you for finding me tonight," I said as I climbed behind him, causing him to smile. He drove off, taking me home. Home. What a wonderful feeling was that.

#the lost boys #marko #david #paul #dwayne #tlb #the lost boys 1987 #tlb 1987 #star #the lost boys x reader

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ma1dmer · 6 months

Text

Final Fantasy - G'raha Tia NSFW

sweating, c-catboys

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex): he is trying really hard to stay awake, because he wants to spend as much time as possible with you, to hear you talk and help you get comfortable, but he is practically falling asleep on you because hs is so comfortable and content

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): stomach, its an odd little thing to be fascinated with but he loves your stomach, he splays his fingers right below your navel and presses down when he is inside you to feel you clench around him ,or on his way down between your thighs he can’t help but press kisses all the way down the length of your torso

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person): he is ashamed to admit how much he enjoys the idea of breeding, not the idea of a child, but this sort of complete trust and sort of ownership in the moment

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): we all know what i am gonna say and its ,drum roll please, HEAT!

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?): he has been alive for very very long, and he definitely has some experience, nothing brag worthy but its there, on top of that he is a quick study, his eyes and ears keen to whatever makes you twitch or gasp just right

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual): anything where you can both be close, sort of in a cuddling position , he wants to be close to you, his tail wrapped around your thigh or hip

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc): generally more light-hearted, wants you to be comfortable likes to feel you squeeze around him when he makes you laugh and just your joy is enough to send him over the edge if he is honest

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.): he has a happy trail that leads from his toned stomach down to his crotch and he generally tries to keep things trimmed as much as he can if he has the time to remember

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…): very romantic in the moment, he'll stare deep in your eyes lips parted in awe as he drives into you, foreheads touching , mumbling about how gorgeous or beautiful you are, how much he adores you everything he feels ,he wears it all on his sleeve for you

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon): a big fan of mutual masturbation ,whether you are watching each other or helping each other get off, he loves it, he loves touching you and loves your touch on him

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks): praise, body worship etc

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do): he can be convinced into doing stuff in some pretty wild places, you just need the right wording and about 20 minutes of looking around to make sure no one is gonna be bothering you

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going): he has some very sensitive parts on his body , they are not that hard to find when you know where they are, and even centuries later he still flinches surprised and flustered when you brush your lips or fingers against them

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): cause you physical harm, he just can't bring himself to do so ,even if you assure him that that's what you want he can't imagine himself being the reason you are in pain

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc): loves giving, could spend hours not thinking for once, relaxing between your thighs tail swishing languidly as he simply works you with his tongue

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.): depends he is generally not rough, but he has his days where he simply wants to have you while you are both sleepy ,all soft ,in each other's embrace and there are days you can barely manage to get each other's clothes off before he is in you, mostly in his ,days 👀

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.): he loves the idea of them, but finds it so hard to untangle himself from you after, that it aches

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.): depends on what you ask of him, he might consider it but if it's something too extreme or something he deems dangerous for either of you, he'll kiss you and apologise but refuse and explain why, maybe suggest some alternative

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…): so much pent up energy to spend on someone, but he does need breaks in between

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?): he gets so flustered at how much he loves the idea of toys, wether using them on you, himself or bringing them out to spice up your bedroom activities ,he has so many ideas he wants to share with you, sometimes he is more confident ,sometimes less so, but he really loves them

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): he is very playful but you wouldn’t exactly call him a tease, he is easy to fluster and its very difficult for him to deny you , he likes to tease you with his words though, the things he can say in the throes of pleasure would make anyone blush, even himself when he isn't quite so,,,,busy

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make): he whines and whimpers a lot, you’d almost think you are hurting him but its just his sounds of pleasure, he also can’t help but profess his love to you a thousand times, prayers to every god for blessing him with you and how lucky he is to know you

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice): definitely a switch, anything you want he'll do it, he wants to please you so badly and it shows, you want him to be more in charge he'll pounce on any chance to do so, you want to take control from him, watch him drop to his knees immediately for you

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words): average size a bit on the thicker side,,,,,,knot?

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?): he is full of yearning, and its all plain on his face for all to see, the flush of his cheeks or the nervous twitch of his ears and tail, his thoughts so often seem to return to you, distracting him from his tasks

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): he’ll try to return to his work, he only needs to be told once by you to rest and he is melting in your arms, he is a heavy sleeper once he falls asleep though

#graha tia #g'raha tia #graha smut #graha tia smut #graha x reader #g'raha smut #g'raha x reader #g'raha tia smut #g'raha tia x reader #final fantasy smut #final fantasy x reader #Final Fantasy XIV smut #Final Fantasy XIV x reader #ffxiv smut #ffxiv x reader

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monsterfuckerconfessions · 8 months

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Found this in my "Garbage" folder, saw no reason to let it languish.

*Ahem*

I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this. I thought being a captive of a tribe of fucking werewolves would be less...pleasant. In my head I'd constructed this nightmare of being eaten alive, my guts pulled out of my belly and my blood welling up in my throat until I suffocated. I wasn't expecting a huge pile of warm, furry wolf-monsters who – as far as I could tell – just wanted to cuddle and be scratched behind the ears. They seemed to not care that I was the only human within almost a hundred miles, or that I'd stumbled onto their den carrying two rifles and a nine millimeter pistol loaded literally for bear. No, the only thing they seemed to care about was that I was female. While being cuddled by what amounted to giant bipedal wolves was pleasant, warm and secure and surprisingly soft, I could not help but notice that the four of them were vying for my attention almost constantly whenever I was awake. They brought me food, bumped their huge heads against my chest and belly, draped their bodies over me while I slept, and licked my face and hands to make me smile. It was like living with gigantic puppies. I swear to God I could see human intelligence in all of them, and they learned the names I gave them and responded to them. The grey one was Tundra, the black one Midnight, the brown and grey Buckeye and the all-white Ice.

Ice was much gentler than I expected for a creature his size. Rather than pinning me down like Buckeye, he seemed to prefer a more...delicate approach. At least I interpreted it as such. Wrapping his big paws around me, he pulled me in and rubbed his chin on my head for a while, nuzzling my neck and shoulders before huffing and settling down on his haunches to look at me. Crystal-blue eyes stared at me from his white face, his forelegs around my waist. I'm tempted to describe his paws as hands, except the shape is all wrong – the palms too long, the thumbs too short – but they could still manipulate objects and hold things. I wrapped my arms around his thick neck, burying my fingers in his dense coat. I knew he wanted to apologize for Buckeye's rough treatment, for the way he just used me whenever he wanted and didn't bother to tend to me afterwards. But Ice always did. Ice always laid with me afterwards, sometimes even after Buckeye was done with me, watching me recover and licking my wounds, literally. It got so that I preferred Ice over his brother, and Buckeye resented that. So he was rougher with me than he should have been.

Once, Buckeye pinned me so hard that my wrists were bruised for days. Ice was angry about that, I could tell. He would growl at his brother any time Buckeye got near me, and it came to blows one night about four days after my puffy, purple wrists turned yellow. Buckeye got too close and Ice cuffed him so hard I heard something crack, and Buckeye spit out a piece of a tooth. I treated it the best I could, but the whole time I was within Buck's reach Ice was right beside me, a low thundering rumble coming from his chest. Ice wouldn't let Buckeye touch me for another week after that.

Now, with the change in power structure and with Buckeye relegated to beta, Ice seemed to take advantage of his new position to show the others how a female should be treated. He was never rough, and even took the time to make sure I was ready before mounting me. Usually he did so in the relative privacy of the cave while the others were at least outside, but one time he took me in front of the whole clan, laying me down on my back and ignoring the other males while he had his way with me. He never looked anywhere except my eyes, even while Buckeye and Midnight and Tundra circled and sniffed. I...I am only a little ashamed to admit that when I was with Ice, I could come. I could actually enjoy what was happening to me, and Ice knew it. So he would be gentle with me, waiting and holding back until I cried out and twisted handfuls of grey-white fur out of his chest. I could see in his snow-blue eyes then that he was pleased. He would lean down and lick my face, then press his huge head against my chest and hold me to the ground while he filled me.

Tundra wasn't so bad, and neither was Midnight. Both were young, barely adults, so their versions of mating were still clumsy and sometimes hurt, but they were always kind to me. Tundra brought me things he found, little pieces of stones with shells embedded in them, clean sun-bleached bones, pieces of food. Midnight was a cuddler, he liked to bowl me over and snuffle and snort around my ears and neck before rolling me onto my stomach. That was the way he liked it, and it wasn't terrible. Once I surprised myself and actually came while Midnight was inside of me, and it startled both of us. He stopped for a moment and nibbled my cheek, checking on me. “It's okay, I'm fine.” I smiled at him and let him finish. He looked so pleased with himself.

Soon, I realized that Ice wanted me to teach him how to make me come. He communicated this to me the best he could, by pulling me into the cave one afternoon and dragging me into the big nest we all shared in the winter. He nosed my legs apart and studied me, sniffing and licking and looking sharply up at me when I cried out as his hot tongue swept over me. “It's fine, that felt good. Do it again.” He licked again and looked up. “Yes, like that.” Ears forward to listen to me, Ice laid down on his belly and put a huge paw on my thigh. The claws grazed me, but Ice never broke my skin. With slow, experimental sweeps of his tongue, Ice explored the place he usually only put his... I shivered. I could feel his monstrous teeth, and I realized with surprise that I liked it. “Oh, Ice...”

#monsterfucker confessions

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ohanny · 1 month

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so @cryingatships posted about pit babe cam boy au ideas (the north and sonic one will flourish in my brain rent free for the next forever) which reminded me i also wrote one for kenta and kim way back when and i just want to add to their genius because we need more spicy pit babe ideas

again, gets nsfw below the cut:

where introvert kenta finally moves out of his dad’s house and finds a room to rent for suspiciously cheap in a suspiciously nice apartment. he asks some questions because he's not stupid but kim’s all "don't worry, i can afford it and to be honest, i kinda get lonely” and well, it is a really good deal. how likely is it that kenta would end up living with a human trafficking evil overlord twice, anyway? like kim literally could not be worse than his father.

their cohabitation works brilliantly but after two months of living together, kenta comes home from work early to discover the reason why kim can afford their rental agreement and seems to have all the time in the world for his hobbies is not because he's some nepo baby but because he has an insanely lucrative career as a cam boy and an only fans star. because there kim is, dressed in a sheer robe and stockings, washing a sparkly pink dildo in the middle of their open kitchen.

kim, defiant: i am not ashamed of what i do and if it bothers you, you can move out.

kenta whose brain has blue screened and is currently making beep boop noises: gah

but once kenta manages to stammer out he is fine with kim’s chosen career, kim stops hiding. partly because he's a petty bitch and wants to see if kenta is actually fine with it or if he's a closeted homophobe who really likes cheap rent and partly because sneaking around his own home is super annoying and he would much rather do his make up in the living room because the big windows provide the best light. also, it would be super helpful if kenta could lend him a hand with his lighting system because it takes ages to figure out all the angles alone.

kenta is totally having a crisis because kim is just so confident and self-assured and after he finishes filming, he will sit in the living room eating pizza in old sweats, regaling kenta with tales of cringy comments from old men and other streaming misfortunes from buying the most disgustingly tasting flavored lube to getting a cramp in the middle of riding his toys.

but then one evening kenta comes home to kim stabbing a salad, looking sulky, and he’s like “what, no pizza tonight?” and kim rolls his eyes and explains one of his top donors made a comment about how he's been gaining weight lately with a self-deprecating “i guess i got a bit too carried away with the take out and beer with you.”

kenta is offended. he might go on a little rant about how that man must be blind on top of an absolute imbecile and should go fuck himself for a change and kim is beautiful no matter what he eats and in kenta’s personal opinion actually looks much better now compared to the rail thin twink thing he had going on when kenta first moved in. kim stares up at him, wide eyed and in awe.

kenta, blushing and starting to stutter again: anyway… no one should be allowed to tell anyone what to do with their bodies and you should just block them because you don't need someone like that in your space and i will just go to my room now bye

kim, jumping to his feet to grab kenta: the fuck you are, come here -

and yes, they kiss and it's amazing but kim is still hesitant because “you're really okay with all this? because i don't plan on stopping anytime soon, i like what i do” and kenta sheepishly admits that he sometimes watches kim’s streams on a burner account.

kim: you know you'd get a much better view on the other side of the wall?

kenta: oh.

kim: that was an invitation, dummy.

kenta: OH

kim is right. the view is so much better on the other side of the wall. kim is stunning and looks and sounds so fucking good and having kenta there is totally helping him get in the mood and put on an even better show. if the live chat gets a rising frequency of comments along the lines of “is it just me or is kim looking at someone behind the camera?” well, it adds to the mystique?

and really, it's inevitable that - once he gets comfortable - kenta snaps in a moment of horny insanity and ends up revealing himself. it's friday and kim is on all fours, fucking himself with the infamous pink, sparkly dildo but he’s not able to reach quite right and he keeps begging and cursing at the camera and kenta’s brain just goes “well, i could help.” he doesn't think. he just gets out of his chair, ducks past the camera and swats kim’s hand away to grab the base of the dildo and then smoothly slides it all the way in.

it’s only when kim’s arms give out and he slumps down with a guttural moan that kenta realizes they’re still very much live. he snatches his hand back but before he can stumble completely out of the frame, kim whines “fuck, come back, sorry guys but i don't give a shit” into the pillow and the chat goes WILD when kenta is helpless to do anything other what he's told. he uses the dildo to fuck kim into, through and past a devastating prostate orgasm and once he has regained his senses, kim ends the stream with a breathless giggle and a “sorry to cut the outro tonight but clearly me and my roommate need to have a talk.”

kenta: roommate?

kim: i mean, i'd prefer boyfriend because i'm pretty sure i'm in love with you but -

kenta: boyfriend sounds good.

and they live happily ever after. kenta helps kim with his accounts, clothes and photoshoots and on special occasions, joins his streams and videos. kim charges double for everything they do as a couple and all that extra money is certainly helping him in convincing kenta to quit the office job he's way too qualified for and find what he really wants to do in life. they adopt three cats and kenta moves all his things into kim’s room and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

#pit babe the series #another camboy au for your pleasure #there can never be enough #kentakim #kimkenta

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sennqu · 2 years

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ok i am ready to be spicy. so i made this post the other day (or yesterday what is time) without tags: (with some slight word changes)

"oh, I get it now. I think I understand a big reason why the "Mike is in love with Will but just doesn't want to admit it because he has internalized homophobia" is such a popular fandom opinion. Because then Mike's behavior becomes "obviously" romantic since this take assumes that he's aware of his behavior.

The take that he's "simply oblivious, simply doesn't know his feelings are actually romantic in nature", which -- in my opinion -- is much more heavily supported by the text, is... actually kind of scary to consider from a "wanting the ship to be canon" perspective. Because it's pretty much close to saying that his feelings are actually just platonic after all because that's what Mike thinks they are."

So, I have been thinking very hard on this for a while because I do think that this is why there is a sort of...friction? anxiety? in the general vibes of the fandom with regards to how byler can even work out in S5 after the events of S4.

In my opinion, I think that the second take -- Mike is oblivious -- actually lends itself well to the prospect of official, no ways around it endgame byler better than the first one does.

Because imagine it: Mike doesn't have to suffer through thinking he's wrong or he's a mistake or that he's not conforming to society's standards before coming to terms with his feelings. He just has to realize he's in love with his best friend, and that his best friend is in love with him. Mike is going to be the out, loud, and proud person of this relationship. He just has to figure his shit out.

First, what do we know about Mike so far and what can we take away from it? and why is it not "internalized homophobia"?

The biggest evidence for me against the "internalized homophobia" take is in S1 when Will was being called names by Troy and friend. Mike physically retaliated. He didn't look ashamed; he looked angry. Because they were insulting his missing best friend right in front of him. He was not internalizing these slurs. What he was doing was defending Will, who was the target of this hate. He prioritized defending Will, who wasn't even there, over cowing to displays of homophobia.

What about that "It's not my fault you don't like girls" line? Surely that means he's repressed and internalizing some shit? Yeah, and maybe he was just talking faster than his mind could think? Mike ends up clarifying this line and gives away the actual thing that's holding him back: heteronormative thinking. He talks about getting girlfriends as part of growing up as a young man. He says this like a neutral piece of information.

Let's talk about Mike's fears. So far, all of Mike’s insecurities are about being needed, being useful. It's not conforming to society. It's not fitting the mold. If he feared that then he'd have done what Lucas did and joined a popular group. But what did he do? He leaned into his DnD hobby and even started dressing differently, growing his hair out too. S4 Mike is not afraid to be an outcast.

What he does fear most is people leaving him behind. That's what he says about/to El, and that's practically what he says to Will as his excuse for being weird at the airport. The knock-off outfit, the flowers. That wasn't him trying to be straight so he wouldn't be outed as gay or in love with his best friend or whatever. That was his attempt at saving his relationship because he does love El and he doesn't want to lose her too. But they are incompatible. He doesn't realize he doesn't love her romantically but he does love her. That's why he's struggling. Because he can't differentiate between the two.

Lastly, he says to Will: "I feel like I lost you". Which means he felt like he already lost Will. Loving someone and losing them is something Mike never wants to happen again because it already happened once, twice, three times before with Will. Once when Will vanished, the second time when Will got possessed, and the third time when Will moved away. Mike's issue isn't about loving Will and fearing he's gay; it's about losing Will again.

The bolded part is the one I want to highlight because it's the most important piece of the puzzle imo. I am willing to bet that not wanting to lose Will again is going to be a huge part of Mike’s arc in S5 and is going to lead to him finally realizing his feelings. I honestly don't think Will's confession is going to figure into things at all until Mike's realized his feelings. Because the audience has to see Mike fall in love with Will before he figures out Will loves him back. The audience should not be made to think that Mike only falls in love with Will because Will's in love with him.

But how will Mike realize exactly the difference between his love for Will and his love for El if he's this goddamn oblivious? How will the process even start? El has to break up with him. No other way around it. El has to tell him straight up that she does not believe he is in love with her. Only then can Mike be free to even think about what romantic love actually means to him. I imagine this is where he and Nancy will actually get to talk about something substantial again, when he asks her what being in love means. and that will further get the ball rolling. And I believe however his arc plays out, we will get to see Mike and Will definitively end up together.

Because Mike loves Will so much. He isn't quite aware of what this love is yet but he has it in abundance. That is why he was the only one apart from Joyce who pushed for finding Will initially; that is why he is always the first to apologize when he and Will fight; that is why the best thing he's ever done was ask Will to be his friend; that is why he lashed out at Will at the roller rink; that is why he was so over the moon about Will's painting and Will's words in the van that he ironically didn't even see Will crying; that is why he only said his monologue after Will practically told him to.

Will is and continues to be Mike's most important person. Once Mike realizes he's in love with Will and the feeling is mutual? Homophobia can go suck a tail pipe because how dare this concept make the love of his life feel like a mistake? Mike is going to kiss Will as soon he realizes because he is not going to let anyone make him wait a minute longer before kissing the boy of his dreams.

sneaky edit: the underlined parts are links to other analyses i've done before regarding Mike's behavior. Analyses over the airport/roller rink scene, him being oblivious, his love for El, etc!

#this is.... very long #absolutely the longest post i have ever written #it's not as concise or as pinpointed as i wanted it to be #but that's fine. I'm laying it all out there #ku blarghs #strangely blogging #byler #this is a great starting off point for my planned predictions post too #and as is the norm for my posts... links abound...#also i know i am very confidence and 100% hope personified in this post #because i am. i am confident. not about the specifics. but i am 100% they are going to kiss #you guys can be worried about it being canon it's ok. i have enough confidence and hope for all of us lmao

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mbti-notes · 3 months

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Anon wrote: (INFJ. 21) I am ashamed and isolated because my sense of fun doesn't coincide with people and society's sense of fun. I don't drink, smoke or go to nightclubs, and I hate those kind of things, but at the same time I feel I am not allowed to have fun and connect with others in any other way but that, and it makes me feel disconnected from humanity.

Your thinking seems quite extreme and one-sided. Society is a big, big place; we're talking thousands, millions, even billions of people. There are many different kinds of people with many different kinds of interests. Social isolation tends to make people very small-minded. By your own admission, you have been isolated a long time, which means you simply haven't seen enough of the social world to make objective and reasonable judgments about it.

I am a very serious and uptight person in real life but I actually enjoy doing childish things. I like going to amusement parks, dodgems, go-karts, arcades, inflatables, camping, some type of toys like stuffed animals and dolls (I don't collect and I am not obsessed with them though), exploring abandoned places, games such as Just Dance, Twister and housey-housey, jumping and doing acrobatics on trampolines, but also some socially acceptable things such as dancing, skating and barbeques, but I repress everything and I never “have fun” in real life.

I have done almost all of those activities with my friends, and we are all well into adulthood. I've even done them with my parents and their middle-aged and elderly friends of all stripes. I see absolutely no reason to hang our heads in shame. You wouldn't even know about many of those activities if they weren't popular enough to make money and continue to exist. Even if it's true that the majority of people around you don't take an interest in them (which is, again, very few people given how small your social world is), it doesn't make those interests any less valid. Are people not allowed to simply like what they like? Are any of those interests morally wrong? It sounds like there is something very off about your moral judgment, which speaks to a need to improve your moral reasoning skills. Poor moral reasoning is one major reason people suffer from excessive guilt or shame.

As a consequence, I am stuck in a limbo where I am miserable and bored but I also find the things that majority of people do boring, so I am not allowed to do anything. I am not someone who wants to be a child forever, I do have a genuine purpose (which, by chance, happened to be something that's the opposite of childish in society's eyes), ambition and career prospects in life, if that's the “grown up” thing you need from me to prove I'm not a complete extraterrestrial freak.

I have zero interest in judging you. Question for reflection: Why do you feel the need to prove anything? Due to projection, self-critical INFJs always imagine that they are being judged by everyone. This can compel them to try to get ahead of criticism or disprove negative judgments. These quests are a waste of time because 1) you can't avoid criticism in life, and 2) you can't change people's minds when they are intent on believing the worst.

What you can control, though, is how you judge yourself. Shame comes from the way you judge yourself. If you have a problem with being too self-critical, the first step is to own the problem and admit that you are the one doing the judging. Criticism can only trigger you when there is something within you that believes you are deserving of it. There is something about your way of evaluating yourself that needs to change.

Obsessing about how the world doesn't live up to your expectations is merely a distraction. Blaming others for how you feel is one common way to get stuck in Ni-Ti loop. Shame is your emotion; you generated it and it is up to you to understand why. Toxic shame is a serious issue and I have written about it before. It involves 1) believing what others say without critical reflection, as well as 2) believing the worst of yourself even though there is no rational reason for doing so. Given the distortions in your beliefs, it sounds like your toxic shame runs deep, perhaps it's a good idea to get professional help for it.

Sometime ago I found myself together with some early teens so the only thing I spoke about with them was careers because I felt that was the only thing I was allowed to do. I don't need to be told it was weird and socially inappropriate to only ever talk about future professions with those children because I fucking know already. When they started playing catch I wanted to join but I didn't, and I thought it was shameful, twisted, sick and deranged of me to want that, I felt like a pedo so I left.

Pedophilia is defined as sexual attraction toward minors. Are you saying it's impossible for an adult to enjoy innocent play with children because of having sexual feelings? If so, then, yes, that would make you a pedophile and you should indeed avoid children. If not, then why wouldn't you allow yourself to have fun with them, especially since fun is what you really need? Children tend to be accepting and love to play with anyone who is willing to chill and have a good time.

The division between "child" and "adult" is not as black-and-white as you believe it is. There is no legal or moral reason that adults cannot enjoy some activities that children enjoy. You seem to have concocted some very extreme beliefs and inflexible rules about what you can/can't do when socializing. Why?

When INFJs get stuck in Ni-Ti loop, they are resisting Fe development, so they unconsciously invent all manner of false beliefs to hold themselves back from getting the socializing they need. This situation with the children is a good example. If you believe adults shouldn't play with children, how are children meant to learn about the world? They require a positive influence from their elders and you could step up and fill that role for them. Yet, you can't, because you have a personal problem with feeling "childish" and it is too uncomfortable to confront, so rejection of yourself leads to rejection of the kids, thus losing a good opportunity to socialize.

When people stop themselves from fulfilling important needs, such as social needs, they suffer terribly. How can you be happy by constantly depriving yourself? If you treated someone else that way, it would be considered abuse. Why are you abusing yourself?

I think it all started when, other than joining the “adult world” and noticing I can't have fun with others because they don't share my sense of fun, a friend of mine told me I was “childish” for liking to explore abandoned places, and it hasn't left my mind ever since. My requited crush (ESFP) also told me I was weird once, and I started to feel even more ashamed because he's socially adept, popular and belongs to the world, and also kinda conformist because he does and is everything that society deems socially acceptable and enjoys it.

The real issue isn't "childishness" at all. The real issue is you were invalidated and it hurt because you lack the emotional and intellectual tools to handle criticism. Human beings are social creatures and need a sense of social belonging, so invalidation and criticism aren't pleasant experiences for anyone. No society is perfect. Every society has great diversity of personalities and you are bound to run into people who are very different from you, which means there's no avoiding invalidating experiences in life. What matters most is how you choose to respond to those experiences.

On one extreme of the spectrum, people stubbornly stand by what they believe even when everyone tells them they are wrong; on the other extreme of the spectrum, people just believe everything they are told without second thought. If you genuinely want to get out of Ni-Ti loop, you have to actively counter extreme and unreasonable thinking patterns whenever they appear in your mind. The healthy middle ground is to listen to what people say, in case they are making a valid point, and then do the critical mental work to evaluate it objectively, in order to extract truth and utility.

What you've done, through Ni-Ti loop, is taken the pain of invalidation/criticism and run off into the land of extreme thinking, eventually getting lost there. You exist on both extremes of the spectrum. On one hand, you just believe whatever negative thing people say about you, which leads you to feel ashamed. On the other hand, something within you can't agree with what was said, which leads you to stubbornly or angrily defend yourself. When you get stuck in such extremes, it is logically untenable, which means it causes psychological instability. What started out as a small hurt of invalidation/criticism has now been blown out of proportion into something so painful that you need to invent false beliefs to rationalize the terrible position you find yourself in.

These kinds of negative thinking patterns indicate a dire need for you to improve your emotional intelligence. The first step is learning to accept and embrace all of your feelings and emotions so that they don't always get blown out of proportion. Your feelings and emotions are important messages that help you maintain good mental health. However, when you don't process them properly, they have the potential to damage your mental health.

For example, it is quite reasonable to feel hurt by invalidation, but it is unreasonable to descend into shame, anger, and rage spirals in reaction to the hurt. You ought to reflect on the hurt, patiently and compassionately, in order to understand its true meaning. Perhaps it is simply informing you that those people are not well-suited to be your friends. You can try to deny the reality of the situation, or you can accept reality and keep moving forward to seek better social opportunities. There is always a better response you could choose.

Being around him makes me feel even more inadequate and self-conscious and I am terrified of him finding out the childish things I like doing because somebody “normal” such as him would think I am a weird mentally ill freak and that would shatter me to pieces because it would be the ultimate disconnect from humanity for me. So I disappeared and cut all contact with him so that he doesn't find out who I really am and starts using it against me.

Have you done something morally wrong? If you have, then it would be right for people to call you out and shame you. If you haven't, then other people's judgments of you are invalid, perhaps to be taken as proof that they are not relationship-ready, unable to be the friend/partner that you need them to be. If that were the case, the best thing to do would be to let the relationship go so that you could find something better. Use your Ni: What are the implications of continuing to tie yourself to his judgments and then blame him for your hurt? You would be stuck in a vicious cycle of fear and loathing with him indefinitely. Is that really how you want to spend your life? Once again, there is a better choice to be made.

I know everybody thinks I am a weird and deragend freak, so I isolate myself and I never express myself because I don't want people to ridicule and reject me for that again. I know I display a childish and simple-minded mindset, so fucking what? Are my insecurities socially unacceptable now as well? Am I not allowed to feel like this because it's the symptom of a “childish person with low ego development”? I only have this mindset because it's the same mindset everybody else has. How am I supposed to navigate the world otherwise?

"Everybody" thinks you're a freak? "Everybody" has this mindset? More examples of extreme thinking. Unless you have literally talked to everybody in the world and can provide concrete proof of their beliefs, then what you have here is a distorted or false belief, based on your own overactive imagination. Yes, rejection doesn't feel good for anybody, so it is reasonable to be afraid of it. But it isn't reasonable to take that fear and turn it into self-righteous rage. Does it make you feel better to rage against the world? Only for a moment, and then you go back to feeling like you're nothing. Unfortunately, it doesn't solve anything and doesn't get you your dignity back.

It's no use to pull a “gotcha” on me because I reprimanded my crush for being conformist while being a conformist myself. I am just bitter and envious that he manages to do it successfully and be part of the world while still feeling free in doing so. The other reason I avoid him and pretend he doesn't exist is to prevent myself from getting triggered by him.

"Pull a gotcha"? Like many socially challenged INFJs, you seem to have a habit of "mindreading", i.e., assuming you know what people are thinking/feeling or presuming to know what they will say. This habit is very destructive to relationships due to causing unnecessary misunderstanding. Socially challenged INFJs also have the habit of making up an image of people in their mind, and that's what they're really interacting with rather than the actual person. Since you're basically just talking to yourself, shall I leave you to it?

If you really already know all about people, then you should be able to resolve your socializing problems yourself and succeed in every relationship... yet you can't. A common way Ni-Ti loop mentally traps you is by making it very easy for you to believe that you know "The Truth" when you're actually just keeping yourself willfully ignorant of evidence to the contrary. The result is, you live in your own imaginary world. To get back to seeing more clearly (dominant Ni) and functioning well in society (auxiliary Fe), it is necessary for you to open your mind and make it more flexible to seeing the full truth. For Ns, feeling the mind get more and more inflexible is a huge red flag that something is wrong with the way they're thinking.

In running this blog, I am often forced to point out problems with people's beliefs only because it's necessary to correct them to reach the next stage of growth - not because I take sadistic pleasure in being pedantic and "pulling a gotcha". To be honest, I deeply dislike the tedious task of wading through the maze of people's distorted beliefs, which is one of the many reasons why I'm not a therapist. If you're going to believe I have ill-intentions and just want to put you down, you really shouldn't ask me for help, because nothing I say is going to get through your paranoia anyway. It would be a waste of time for both of us.

Are you gonna tell me to grow some balls, get over it and become a well-adjusted person? That's one part I predicted, but I also thought I could also get some useful or enlightening advice on how to get over my shame and reconcile my socially unacceptable interests with my bond with others. I just want to feel accepted for who I am and also “belong” and find my tribe, ideally, but I don't know how. It might not seem like it, but I genuinely want to change and have more courage, I was just letting off some steam. If you are wondering why I am a backlogged and underdeveloped individual like you did with the other INFJ not long ago is because I've previously been a hikikomori for 7 years on a Ni-Ti loop. I had this “childish interests” problem even as a teen, but it was nowhere near as severe as now. I used to completely repress my Fe before and I felt no need for relationships because I didn't know how to keep my Fe in check and, as I predicted, now it's out of control and I feel like a weak loser after my crush has made these repressed and unfullfilled needs of mine resurface. I'd rather you not publish my message but only your answer, in case you'll write it. I already know I am deeply gonna regret sending this to you but it's for the best.

"Grow some balls" is not something I would ever say because I believe that it's wrong to use gendered insults. Are you aware of the crude and vulgar way in which you talk to yourself?

Whenever you interact with people, you are taking an emotional risk, so socializing does indeed require some courage. You are risking the possibility of getting rejected. You can accept the risk gracefully and keep moving forward in life, or you can twist yourself up over it and get stuck in fear and pain. You get to choose.

I have made it clear on the contact page that when people send their questions to me anonymously, I will publish them publicly. I can't respond well if I can't make direct reference to the things you've said. But it's important for you to go back and review everything you've written for two other reasons:

1) Self-Reflection: You need to understand that hurt people hurt people. Your lack of self-respect comes out in how little respect you have shown to me. You don't get to rattle, rant, and rave and then, when you feel better, pretend like you didn't say all those things or that the things you said were meaningless, which is what many unhealthy FJs do. It is disrespectful to dump your emotions on someone, presume to know what they will think and say, and then try to control how they respond to you. I'm not your servant to order around. That is not what healthy socializing should look like.

Even if you could find some friends to be your "tribe", it's likely that you wouldn't be able to keep them for very long because of how easily you get triggered into tertiary loop. There is actually nothing morally wrong with your personal interests despite what the people around you say, but there is something wrong with how your unresolved hurt inadvertently causes you to hurt others.

You need to be a good friend in order to keep good friends, which means you have to face up to all the ways in which your extreme thinking leads to toxic behavior, in terms of misunderstanding, misjudging, and mistreating others. When your initial stance in relationships is defensive, distrustful, and antagonistic, you're making yourself unapproachable and unlikable. This only feeds into Ti loop self-sabotage, by repelling people before they reject you.

2) Self-Awareness: The purpose of my blog is to explore ways to improve self-awareness through type development. An important aspect of personal growth is the willingness to confront the truth of oneself. All the things you wrote above are a reflection of you, your beliefs and your values. If you don't like what you wrote or feel ashamed of it, it's a good opportunity to review and reflect on why.

To break out of Ni-Ti loop, you need to face up to: the extreme thinking patterns; the false beliefs distorting your worldview; and most importantly, the deep unresolved pain you feel from isolation and alienation. How can you heal a wound if you're not willing to look at it, tend to it, and apply the required medicine? Yes, it stings, but it is sometimes necessary to endure growing pains in order to grow.

There are things you can do to heal tertiary loop and I've witnessed many INFJs do it. But you have to be willing to take an honest look at yourself and change what needs changing without always falling into the habit of beating yourself bloody. There are several things you need to improve upon in order to break out of tertiary loop:

emotional intelligence: learn to accept, feel, listen, and understand negative emotions such as shame, rather than run from them, defend against them, or give in to them

self-esteem: admit that you are human (rather than always trying to live up to an unreasonable/unrealistic ideal image) so that you can finally hear and fulfill your psychological needs, which would help you feel better about yourself

self-worth: understand that it is okay to need and want love, and most importantly, believe that you are deserving of it, but learn to look for love in the right places

moral reasoning skills: learn to analyze moral issues intelligently so that you can make sound moral judgments on your own, otherwise, you will always be easily led astray by criticism

social skills: learn what it means to interact with real people rather than your image of them; learn to treat people with more respect and acceptance if you hope to receive respect and acceptance; learn to speak up and draw boundaries whenever you encounter people who are hurtful or toxic

communication skills: learn to express yourself authentically, sensitively, calmly, and assertively so that you are not always at the mercy of others in social situations

conflict resolution skills: there is no perfect way to socialize because conflict is inevitable; accept conflict as a fact of life and learn good strategies for minimizing and resolving it

I have already written about these topics before and recommended books on the resources page. Tried-and-true knowledge already exists for your self-improvement. The final question is whether you are actually serious about learning and changing.

With access to the internet, it is easier than ever to find people with similar interests as you. To achieve a goal, a person must be focused and determined. Focus all your attention on refining your search methods, rather than getting distracted by pointless criticism.

I suggest you broaden and systematize your search, instead of wasting time on the wrong people. The more time you've invested in someone, the harder it is on you if the relationship must end. Therefore, it is in your best interest to show your true self at the start of a relationship so that you know the truth and can make a fully informed decision about whether someone is a good fit for you.

Don't walk around believing that everyone should be your bff, otherwise, it is your own unrealistic expectations that will always do you in. It doesn't ultimately matter what is or isn't "mainstream". Everyone has a right to their own interests as long as they're not harming anyone, and a good friend/partner should be able to accept and appreciate legitimate individual differences. Pick your friends and partners carefully.

#infj #ti loop #criticism #shame #ask

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toointojoelmiller · 6 months

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I’m doing the thing today. The thing that I swore to myself at 19, and at 24, and at 28 I wouldn’t ever get into the position of needing to do again – going on medical leave because of my major depressive disorder.

The internalized stigma for this shit is insane. I work in the mental health space as an educator, and I regularly support and advocate for patients and colleagues to do the same – prioritize their wellbeing, treat mental health challenges as seriously as physical health issues. It is something that I believe in full stop. But for some reason, even though I know so much better, it’s still so fucking hard to apply that to myself.

In June I was seeing a trauma therapist who was pushing me hard to go on medical leave, and I just resisted it. The biggest thing at that time was 1) I *promised* myself I wouldn’t get into this state again, and admitting that I had felt like a defeat I didn’t want to face, and 2) the list of “fallout” that would happen at work – people needing to cover me from presentations and hosting and training, staff not having access to the support they deserve, not being able to be present to give staff a voice during some big leadership events, committees and working groups that I am a pretty instrumental part of that will grind to a halt. And now I look back at that and think, 5, 6ish months of my life lost to this shit… declining more and more as life kept throwing shit at me … mounting health and relationship and financial problems, and some were just because I was so fucking stubborn and refused to do what I needed to.

I feel embarrassed. Guilty. Ashamed. Weak, childish, blah blah. The automatic self-talk is pretty relentless. And I wish I had an answer.

I have vivid memories of periods of remission from my depression, and I remember on multiple occasions thinking to myself, I’m better now. How did I ever forget why life is worth living? At the time, the depressed me seemed like an absolutely stranger. I remember what that felt like. To watch myself oscillate between what feels like completely different versions of myself as the years have passed has been so distressing, and it’s affected my self image and concept and worth in really painful ways.

Anyway… excuse the rant. I just wanted to share, because mental health shit is so complicated, and it sucks when it’s chronic, and if someone who has had as much education in this space and literally does this stuff for my career struggles with this, I think that’s pretty telling. If you are one of the 1 in 4 (definitely more, this shit is so underreported) who is impacted by mental illness, I see you. And even though I’ve brainwashed myself to the point where I can’t seem to apply it to myself, doing whatever you need to do to be healthy is valid.

#mental health #mental health matters #mental health stigma #personal #depression #mental health treatment

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merakimagic · 1 year

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Ummm… if you have every wondered what it’s like to have ADHD, Autism (Lvl 1), Anxiety and Depression but also have an overwhelming sense that you need to be strong and perfect then here’s a message I just sent to my friend because I needed to let someone in and didn’t know who else to say it to.

It seems to give a pretty clear explanation in my view.

I don’t know why I feel so annoyed and frustrated with myself for saying I have ADHD and Autism. I have those things and I’m not ashamed of them but why do I always need to tell people… so they understand why I’m different. I mean everyone’s different and have different ways of doing things, it’s not like I’m special nor does anyone care. It’s not an excuse! I should be completely cable of keeping that part of myself in and not feeling like I have to tell people.

Does the way I explain it to people make it sound like I’m trying to get attention? Does saying that I’m proud of it and love how it makes me more curious about things and how it has made me good at art, music, languages, school, mythology, sports, pretty much a lot of things because I enjoy knowing them make it sound like I’m arrogant or trying to brag or just put a label on things.

I have anxiety, Autism level 1, ADHD, Depression, have experienced an eating disorder and still at times do, I’m a red head with blue eyes, I’m bi/pan, anemic, have asthma and ahhhhhh. Does all of this when I contribute to a conversation and say something about one of them just make people think that I have a need to be special?

Im sure I don’t feel that way. I think the only reason some of my reactions to things like how I may have a panic attack need stimming and stuff like that only happen know because I know there’s a reason for it but what if I’m just making a big deal out of nothing.

I really need to learn to shut up at times I think, I don’t think people really care about my long spills nor do they really want to know what’s going on with me. Why are relationships so fucking difficult?!

Why can’t I just understand them and the way they work? Can’t they just be simple? Why if your dating someone does there have to be this whole thing of you have to do this with them and you can’t do this with other people? Why do I need sounds to go away when I get overwhelmed, the worlds loud! It shouldn’t matter? Why do I feel like it’s okay to be flaws but I need to be flawless all at the same time? Why am I afraid of not being perfect? Why if I felt like I told my parents about this they would just get angry at me and tell me it’s all in my head? Why am I crying? These are thoughts are dealing with on a daily basis why are they bothering me now? Why can’t I just keep it to myself? I’ve been handling shit on my own my entire life it’s nothing new? Why do I know that tomorrow I’m gonna be fine and this is just a moment where my walls have fallen down?

Why am I so confident sometimes and then the rest I’m just completely fucked up? Why do I always need to restrain myself? Why can’t I just scream and then get back to it all? Why do I have to feel ashamed? Why should I have to feel like my mum doesn’t want to admit I have Autism?

Why do I care if I have Autism or ADHD so much? They have always been apart of me? It doesn’t mean anything? They’re just caused by a genetic mutation and makes you neurotypical why does it even matter? They’re just labels, who even gives a damn? You could have neither one and act the same way as me and people might just call you weird? Why do I care so much about this shit? No one else fucking does, maybe I should just shut up for a while. It’s clear that when I make a joke that it’s taken offensively, it’s clear that no one wants to hear about my problems, it’s clear that no one wants to here my rants, it’s clear that no one wants to here about my hobbies or opinions, it’s clear that I don’t get how to properly interact with others. Maybe I should just shut up, but if I did then my parents would just go on about how somethings wrong and get angry at me for not talking to them about it and we would just end up in a fight where they are telling me to just get over it and if I turn it back on them for how they have made me feel this way then they would just get even more angry and deny it.

Dad brought up a post that said about how a guys son used to sing and never stop talking and now they will be in the same room and his son will have his headphones on not say a word and that his son doesn’t know how much is dad misses him. And dad said that reminded him of me. Doesn’t he get that they’re part of the reason I don’t talk all the time. Because evertime I did I got told to calm down or my joke was offensive or that they don’t need the elephant. Don’t they get I like my phone because it has my hyperfixations and ever since I was little have loved cartoons and looking at fanart because they were what got me through the hard days at school and my parents fighting. Don’t they get I used them to cope because everything was solved in 22minutes and that’s the world I like to escape to when I day dream.

Why the fuck does all this even matter, why the fuck am I just being so overly emotional? Why can’t this just be all there is going through my brain right now?

Obviously there’s more.

There’s the voice telling me to just let myself cry and the voice telling me to suck it up and another one telling me to get ready for work and another one telling me to stop messaging and another one saying don’t put this on them and another one asking why I’m shaking and another if one saying I’ve done well to hold back the tears and another one saying I wonder when this message thing will cut me off and I’ll have to send two seperate messages? And another one asking is this just what my head is like? Is this what everyone’s head is like? Is this just because of my mental health shit? Am I just weak? Am I really this pathetic that I can’t pull myself together? I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me so why do I need to let anyone in? Why do I want to so badly to talk about this but also say nothing at all?

What the fuck is wrong with me, why can’t I just get the hell over it and move on, people deal with way worse stuff then this and here I am complaining because my low self esteem and hyper active over thinking head is just having a bad day and pulling me into it and won’t fucking leave me alone… what a pathetic excuse. You can’t use excuses in life. No one cares and no one has time for them, no one’s gonna help you so stop making excuses and just get on with it.

Put on your uniform, pack your bag and go to work and put on a happy cheerful face and just go take care of other people so that you don’t have to think about this. Just get on with it, there a bigger things then yourself and you just gotta get over what’s going on in your head

I’m Okay… I’m okay now.

If you’ve every felt this way, please let me know.

I don’t want to feel so alone anymore, nor do I want others to feel alone either.

I just felt these were necessary to make the whole thing a little less sad and full on serious and honestly feel like these characters would get it. Also this is not my art💫

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lemonxdaisybby · 7 days

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Unsure if it has ever been requested but could I request jealous/possessive headcanons for Sawashiro? If I could be greedy and ask for some NSFW of those I would be forever grateful 🥰 I absolutely adore how you write him!

Thank you so much! I stg I am obsessed with this man, so I’m glad to be getting asks for him 💕

Sawashiro is not insecure in himself by any means, but he is fairly protective of you, and because you’re the only good thing in his life, sometimes he can be a tiny bit possessive of you too. He knows he isn’t the easiest person to be with, and that he does act cold at times, and for that reason, there is always a small fear deep inside him, that maybe one day you’ll up and leave him, just like everyone else has. Of course, he would never admit this. Just like he would never admit to being jealous. He’s a prideful and stubborn man, and would likely feel a little embarrassed, or even ashamed, when feeling jealous.

If an unknown male ever approached you, you just know Jo’s attention would immediately be locked on to the two of you. He would try to remain subtle, but his eyes are practically burning holes into the side of your head. If you turn to look at him, he’d just raise a questioning eyebrow, as if he hasn’t been staring at you and the mystery guy for the past five minutes. Afterwards, he would casually ask you who the person was, more so out of curiosity, but also because he’s trying to figure out if he needs to be wary of the other person.

If Jo noticed someone flirting with you, he’d be a lot less subtle, and wouldn’t try as hard at remaining casual. His gaze would turn dark and deadly, and he’d be staring over at the two of you broodingly, wondering if he needs to step in, or if you’re going to send this guy packing yourself. He does trust you of course, but he’s been betrayed quite a few times at this point. There’s always going to be a tiny doubt digging at the back of his mind.

He likely wouldn’t approach you and the other person, unless they started to get touchy with you. That would definitely ignite some sparks in him, and he’d immediately be walking over, tall and intimidating, and wearing a deadly glare. His arm would be around your waist immediately, and though he isn’t one for PDA, he might even give you a quick peck on the cheek, his eyes almost never leaving the other guy. He’d almost stare at them challengingly, as if daring them to continue with their flirtatious antics. Of course, the other guy would pretty much scarper off immediately. Who would be dumb enough to start an argument with Sawashiro, when he’s looking absolutely murderous?

If Jo thought you were flirting back with the other person, or indulging in their flirtations, he may be a bit colder and quieter towards you, not entirely sure how to react. He doesn’t want to admit that he’s jealous, but he’d secretly be so annoyed, and maybe even a little hurt. He isn’t a big fan of mind games, so purposely flirting with others is not a good move.

In terms of possessive sex, it could go both ways to be honest. If he thought you were egging the other person on and purposely trying to make him jealous, he would be pretty annoyed, and this would definitely show during sex too. He would be brutal, which is saying something, as he would usually be pretty rough anyways.

Jo would degrade you so much, calling you a whore, telling you how pathetic you are chasing other men. He would make you apologise and beg for him, only giving you what you want once he’s satisfied you won’t be playing any more tricks like that again.

Honestly, he would just fuck you until you’re numb. He’d have you a quivering, weak mess once he’s done with you. He’d hold you down by your throat as he slams in to you, his other hand gripping on to your hip so tightly that he would definitely leave marks. He also wouldn’t finish inside of you, and would opt to cover your face and tits with his cum instead, wanting to further degrade you as a form of punishment.

On the other hand, if the other person was flirting with you and you didn’t encourage them, or you shut them down, Jo would almost be less rougher in bed than usual. He’d still be intense, and wouldn’t exactly be gentle, but he’d be a tiny bit more loving with you. The thought of you leaving him definitely scares him, though he won’t admit it. He’d maybe kiss you a bit more during sex, his grip would be less harsh, and instead of having his hand wrapped around your throat, he’d instead leave a trail of bites and kisses on your neck, his hands pinning your wrists above your head instead. He’d even mumble a rather gruff and quiet ‘I love you’ after sex, once the two of you are settling down, which he tells you very rarely. Poor man is just lowkey worried of you betraying him and going off with someone else, and wants you to know that he does appreciate and care for you, even if he isn’t always the best at showing it.

#ryu ga gotoku #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza 7 headcanons #yakuza like a dragon headcanons #yakuza headcanons #jo sawashiro x reader #sawashiro jo #jo sawashiro

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