#this is clearly not meant to be a statement on anyone's experiences

[sucre-sanguine]

Maybe I'm tipsy but *winds up to hit hornets nest* I really don't understand trans guys who are like. I feel excluded from the community cause I'm not fem. Like broski I am fem and guess what. In most queer spaces I feel like I gotta yell that I'm not a gay woman or a trans woman. I've been on hrt for 3 years. Also do you ever go to spaces that aren't distinctly queer....like... y'know.... most spaces.. ever.

#i understand pointing out the prevalence in online spaces or primarily wlw/queer spaces #but???? i dont actually spend my life at a queer event or support group #i deeply understand feeling distant from the lgbt community if you're a straight and generally passing trans guy #but at a certain point *i* feel distant from the amount of trans/queer culture that doesn't seem to exist IRL #im GENUINELY confused #this is clearly not meant to be a statement on anyone's experiences #if anything id be super open to the discussions #i just feel like im living in a bizarro world here #is it because i dont frequent a lot if lesbian spaces?

[marzipanandminutiae]

The Snark Is Real This Morning

Oh no! Some patriarchal shill just had an Illegal Corset Thought on the Internet!

Maybe they said "corsets weren't invented by the patriarchy" or "comfort was actually often a prime concern for most women's day-to-day corset-wearing, as evidenced by mid-late 19th century advertising" or "women didn't go around fainting constantly because most of them didn't tightlace most of the time."

Maybe they brought up "survivorship bias in extant clothing" or "rampant photo doctoring in the 19th/early 20th century" or "treating satirical cartoons and fashion plates as gospel" or "museums displaying corsets laced entirely closed when wear patterns and primary sources indicate that lacing gaps were more common in many times and places" These concepts are actually conspiracies invented by Big Misogyny to sell more booze to depressed history workers!

Maybe one of them said that she'd worn corsets, or even that she and/or her friends actually found them more comfortable than bras! Clearly she believes this is representative of all women throughout history and in the present day. Besides, she is suffering from Femininity Poisoning and nothing coming out of her silly, weak little brain can be taken seriously. Remember, it is Peak Feminism to dismiss what a woman says because of her gender presentation!

Don't be fooled! All of these statements mean one thing: they are saying that corsets were and are, always and forever, universally feminist and empowering. That no woman in the past ever found them uncomfortable, and that GNC women didn't exist before 1960 and also are icky. Did they actually say that? Doesn't matter! You know what she Really Meant- you've seen P*rates of the Caribbean and Br*dgerton! Corsets were always torture devices meant to oppress women, and any statement contradicting that clearly means the extreme opposite.

So what's a right-thinking and concerned Internet Citizen to do? You have a few options:

See point above re: femininity. Feminine-presenting women are basically brainless, so if a woman talking about dress history Wears An Skirt, you can just write off whatever she says. Easy peasy! Be sure to say something derogatory about her appearance, so others know why they shouldn't take her seriously.

Accuse them of not knowing their history. Any degrees, professional experience, publications, academic accolades, etc. they may have are irrelevant. Their primary sources are...idk photoshopped or something? Best to ignore them altogether. You have Feelings on your side, and that's far more valuable than any research!

Accuse them of accusing you of being a t*rf. Works especially well if they've said anything about the preponderance of t*rfs expressing your True and Correct views- that just means they're calling everyone who thinks like you a transphobe, duh!

Tell them they're not believing women. If they have cited so-called "realities of historical women's lives," well, that's clearly just the rich elite of any given era (who were also brainrotted by Femininity, natch). If you're a woman, and you say corsets were the spawn of Beelzebub, that should be enough ~evidence~ for anyone!

Appeal to common knowledge. Everyone KNOWS corsets were evil; can they really be DEFENDING a KNOWN HATEFUL OPPRESSIVE HELL-GARMENT?! What is the world coming to! If they ask how exactly everyone knows that and where that collective belief comes from, reply with a snarky GIF and block them. There's just no reasoning with some people.

Call them a tradwife. Are they a tradwife? Irrelevant.

With all these tools in your arsenal, you are now well-equipped to fight the horde of vile corset apologists online. Remember: It's Only Real Oppression If The Oppressed Group Is Miserable 24/7!

#long post #rant #dress history #fashion history #corsets #sarcasm

[herinsectreflection]

To Live So Close To The Spotlight (The Zeppo)

I have, in essays past, referred to Xander Harris as one of the most controversial characters in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. After spending more time in the current fandom landscape, I need to correct that statement. He’s simply one of the most disliked characters in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A lot of people hate him, and given his appearances up until now, it’s not entirely difficult to see why. Xander is an archetypical example of what I will call the Mild Nerd Guy; a trope born out of the 1980s and its Revenge Of The Nerds-led championing of geek culture. A trope that unfortunately came to dominate genre television throughout the 1990s and 2000s.

This is a character who is defined in opposition to more typical Dashing Action Hero archetypes. Where the Action Hero is strong and muscle-bound, the Mild Nerd Guy is physically weedy. He is often shy and lacking in self-confidence. He will appear creepy when he means to be charming – but in an innocent way that encourages us to feel sympathy with this helplessly befuddled young man. He has interests coded as “nerdy” – comic books, science, maths, Dungeons and Dragons. He will be unsuccessful with women, and more often than not will concentrate all his sexual energy onto a single desired target: a popular and attractive woman. This woman will - at least at the beginning of the story – neglects his silent pining in favour of clearly undeserving Bad Boys and Popular Jocks. This is where you get is your Scott Pilgrims, your Ross Gellers, your Tom Hansens, your Every Character Anthony Michael Hall Ever Played… and yes, your Xander Harrises. 

In essence, the Mild Nerd Guy is an alternate model of masculinity, one that certain types of men (shy, nerdy, physically weak) may relate to more than the Dashing Action Hero archetype. Unfortunately, while the trope often presents these men as more respectful towards women than their counterparts, the reality is that female autonomy is a secondary concern in both cases. These are competing models that men can use to Earn Women. Neither is actually concerned with the desires and goals of the women involved at all. 

The Mild Nerd Guy has obvious parallels to the sociological concept of the Nice Guy, a term that most in feminist circles should be comfortably au fait with by now. The Nice Guy feels deserving of the attentions of women solely because of his lack of overt hostility towards them, and resents them when this “niceness” is not immediately rewarded with sexual favours. While the two concepts should not be conflated – one is a writing trope while the other is a social phenomenon – they are inextricably linked. Media informs the way we interact with the world, and the world informs the way we interact with media. Male entitlement engorges itself with stories of men winning women through inaction - the implication being that men deserve the attentions of women by default, and should be upset when it is not automatically bestowed upon them.

Meanwhile, women who have firsthand experience of this entitlement and the behaviour it encourages will naturally be fed up with it, and will bring that frustration into their consumption of media. They will take one look at a Scott Pilgrim or Xander Harris and be immediately, justifiably repulsed. While the more fantastical crimes of Angel or Spike can be easily forgiven, everyday crimes cannot. Most women have never met a serial killer. We’ve all met a creepy nerd. 

This is not a criticism of viewers who have reacted in that way. The common accusation of Xander being a “Nice Guy” I believe an inaccurate read on his character and a misuse of a term meant for the analysis of reality and not fiction. However, I can’t blame anyone who makes that instinctive leap. In fact I would say that bringing one’s own experiences to the consumption of media is the only correct way to watch television. And yet, I can’t count myself truly among that crowd. Despite my distaste for the simpering entitlement this trope has encouraged in male nerd circles, and despite the times I have been disgusted by a line Nicholas Brendon has been made to deliver thus far, I can’t say that I don’t like Xander. In fact, I would say I like Xander, and this episode is a big reason why.

Read More

#the zeppo #s3 #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #insect reflection #essay #meta #xander harris #theme:meta

[system-of-a-feather]

Another one of those "passing on the notes I learned from my years of therapy and recovery for those to consider as perhaps a cheat code to not learn it in the long and hard way I did" but one of the things that helps the most to unlearn / learn in recovery is that not everything is pathological and not everything pathological has to be "fixed"

The former is simply saying that not every trait and aspect about you has to come from or be sorted into originating from one of your conditions. Sure, maybe something you do is a bit odd and it could be explained by trauma or neurodivergence, but it also just might be a genuine personality quirk and its fine. It doesn't have to be sweated over or looked at in a lens of a mental / medical condition.

As for the latter, the obvious case of this is autism and ADHD - a lot of the traits in those are "pathological" in the sense that they are considered to be specifically due to having a disorder, but a large number of those "pathological" symptoms (like excessive stimming and having intense interests) on their own really don't inherently need to be fixed.

But the other thing is that some pathological trauma behaviors and symptoms can clearly originate from your traumatic childhood and be something that "no normal person would think / do / behave like" and assuming that extreme statement is true, just because a trait / behavior / aspect of how you live developed due to trauma, doesn't mean it has to change. A trait and behavior can be pathological in that sense and - if its not really hurting anyone and if it can be adapted well into your life - it doesn't have to be a problem. Some pathological trauma-developed aspects of your life are deeply intertwined with how you grew up (much like non-trauma aspects) and sometimes they just aren't worth digging up and doing all the processing to 'fix'. This is especially so for the aspects of yourself that developed due to trauma that are semi or even usually adaptive.

You can have behaviors, traits, and views that obviously developed from your past with trauma AND still keep those in your life AND be happy.

I'm mostly saying this because I am once again reflecting on just how much of our life is pretty intense and wild due to the fact that I - a part that was originally meant to be an imaginary friend and fantasy-orientated escapism and source of hope - became host. A lot of how I experience myself and my relationship with the world is weird and there are a lot of experiences I just don't really have in me to process in a "typical" way.

I'd say that there are probably parts that used to be prone to processing the things I can't, but after so many years our systems become structured to support the quirks I have and I think our brain at this point just doesn't really find the demand or interest to restore those aspects for any near-future reason as it largely still serves us.

At some point, maybe we will target them. Maybe they will become more harmful and/or limiting than helpful, but these traits both work for us, work for those around us, and help us and just all in all work very well for us. Yes they are pathological, but not everything pathological has to go.

On top of that, the idea that all pathology has to be fixed and cured to be happy really just isn't true and honestly just stems from a place of pushing this concept of "normal" which.... who the hell supports the narrative and concept of "normal" in 2024 on tumblr dot com

It's okay to be disabled, disordered, neurodivergent, affected long term by trauma, and / or just straight up weird.

Fix what doesn't work in your life, everything else doesn't have to be sweated over.

#alter: riku #recovery #ptsd #c-ptsd #cptsd #c ptsd #healing #trauma #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder

[ikiyou]

BSD Rewatch Ep2

In episode 2, near the beginning, Dazai says something interesting after stating that the other ADA members didn't pay much attention to his barrel suicide antics:

"Anyone gifted with supernatural powers has something wrong with them inside…"

I've seen speculation by others in the fandom that Abilities come from some kind of trauma. I'm not saying this is any kind of confirmation of that speculation, but it is an interesting statement that he throws out there.

Could also refer to the idea that having an Ability eventually twists a person in some way - having power, having something weird with you, etc, can change a person. Being clearly different from others and from other Ability users (usually, it seems no 2 Abilities are similar), an Ability user is a lonely person with unique experiences that cannot be shared by anyone else. No two Gifteds can see the world the same way. And it is virtually impossible to share the impact one's Ability has on a person or forces them to experience.

And interestingly, later on in the episode, Tanizaki repeats Dazai's statement, "I swear, anyone gifted with supernatural powers has something wrong with them inside…"

So this isn't just a random statement…

From Tanizaki's POV as the 'bomber' enemy, clearly his take is that Ability users are unnatural freaks who can cause problems (he's there for 'revenge' after all). Although the stance of the public is rather unknown in BSD, this shows that there is at least some sentiment floating around that Ability users are some kind of mutant, unnatural form of humanity. Maybe not even human.

The fact that we learn a little bit about an 'Ability War' - some war possibly fought against Ability Users (or is it with and not against Ability Users?) - as well as the government's elite Hunting Dog team meant to hunt down and kill Ability users like they are rabid dogs, and even the government's Special Ability Department, meant to track and handle 'rogue' Ability users and the issues they cause - this all points to a pervasive distrust of Gifteds. At the very least from the government side, even if we never really see what the public thinks of them.

Having such sentiment plied on one from outside means one can possibly begin to believe it.

I'd say it's a thread that isn't really taken anywhere later on in the series - and it's NOT baked into the makeup of what we are exposed to as daily life in the BSD universe - but the major enemy of the series, Fyodor, very much believes this. So this is very much foreshadowing.

I'd just appreciate it if we could see more of this in the world building instead of having it relegated solely to plot moments.

And furthermore, it's interesting (admittedly jokingly), but at the end of the episode, Dazai says that were Atsushi not to join the ADA, he's a wanted tiger (despite the legal distinction between a murderer and a proven plea of insanity, which would be a parallel) and he would at best be fired, at worst captured and shot. Despite being a human being, who, even as a tiger, has not even harmed another human. Perhaps Dazai means that in his tiger form, he'd inevitably be shot rather than as a human, but. That still throws a bit of light on the idea that Ability Users are an exception to a normal treatment of a human being.

#bungou stray dogs #bsdrewatch2023 #bungou stray dogs meta #ep2 #Honestly I was wondering if I would even have anything to contribute since I don't tend to rip out pieces to espouse on like everybody else #But it's interesting that everyone tends to key on different aspects for different reasons

[polluxhale]

“Maybe it’s for the best? Never understood why she’d be so attached to that ugly mug anyways.” Pollux smirked over at his friend, clearly joking. Given their somewhat steamy history, it was fairly obvious that Pollux had never found the other man ugly. 

Xylaes rolled his eyes and took a drag from cigarette. “Maybe. She deserves bet–” Before he was able to finish that statement, Pollux had smacked the cigarette right out of his hand, “The fuck, Hale?”

“Don’t say that. You are a good person who has made some dumb mistakes that anyone probably would have made in your position. But for those that know the truth, and that truly know you, know you did the right thing. And those in charged fucked you for it because they didn’t want their own bullshit to get out in the open and cause a scandal. Light fucking forbid.” Clearly this was a topic Pollux was very passionate about. Xylaes had been his friend and his brother in arms for much of their younger lives, and at one point prior to the explosion that nearly took Pollux’s life, the two were almost inseparable. 

Xylaes leaned over to pick up his cigarette and relented that train of thought with a hand raised in surrender. “It’s been messy for a long time, neither of us have treated the other particularly well at times. Maybe now that she’s no longer in the position she was in, maybe it could be different. But I just…I can’t be there for her during this transition. Wouldn’t be good for either of us given the current circumstances.”

Pollux gave his friend a warm smile, nodding in understanding. While the two didn’t spend as much time together as they used to, they had become confidantes once more. “Maybe after your own transition hmm? As great as I’m sure you are at screwing strangers for the Red Moon, there’s plenty of opportunities to be using your other skill sets. Not just when there’s a war going on.”

“You know I’ve lost a good chunk of those skill sets…” Referring specifically to the arcane abilities he used to possess prior to having them ripped away from him as a part of his prison sentence.

Pollux reached out to give the other man’s left arm a hard pinch. Xylaes slightly recoiled at the action, but the duo watched as the invisible runes on that replanted arm shimmer to life. “But you have also gained some new ones, and some you’ve likely not even figured out yet.”

It was in Maldraxxus that Xylaes had found himself a subject of The House of Construct’s disturbing experiments. His included having his entire arm removed and replanted with that of someone who apparently had been a caster of some variety. Much was still left to mystery, but during the past campaign, he was able to produce various sorts of magic when he found himself in danger. There was a lot of promise there and still much to be explored, if he could ever get over the fact that this arm, even though he controlled it, was technically not his own.

“So anyways, that guy I was talking to you about, that possibly has a job...” Pollux continued, looking a touch trepidatious. “He is looking for people that have fallen off the grid and know how to stay off of it pretty damn well. I mentioned that you are excellent at finding those types of people, and that wasn’t just because of your magic. That’s the job, finding people, and he’ll pay extremely well under the table. You can keep up with the Moon, but this is, well, this is right up your alley, Xy. That’s all the details I can give you though, the rest is up to the two of you to iron out and discuss should he choose to hire you and should you choose to work this gig.”

Xylaes pressed his lips into a thin line, leaning back in his chair as he silently considered. “You trust him?”

Pollux squinted at that. Tough question. “...I…trust him not to fuck me over, which I feel would also extend to you given he knows you’re my friend and that I trust you.”

Being paid under the table meant that this was likely not very legal, or needed to be hush hush. Being paid under the table in order to find people also typically meant that these people would never be seen again once found. That had been a part of his gig in the military, but the targets were never your everyday Joe Schmo’s, they were people that proved to be a threat to the greater good and thus needed to be eliminated. At least that’s what they were told. Maybe that was the case here as well.

There was only one way to find out. It’s not as if there were oodles of opportunities out there for ex-cons like him, he had to take what he could get and working as an escort at a brothel just wasn’t cutting it anymore. “Yeah, I’ll talk to him. No harm in just seeing what it’s all about, right?”

Pollux tapped out a quick message on his comm and soon after came a knock on the door. He jumped out of the chair to answer it, cracking the door open and exchanging a few hushed words before allowing the third man inside. 

“Xylaes, I want you to finally meet my twin brother, Ouro.”

@xylaes @fio-renze @ouroandar

#story #xylaes #pollux #something a lil' new maybe

[a-dragons-journal]

A handful of things I just want to say and forgive me if it sounds like I’m vagueposting anyone in specific I’ve just seen these things said in a number of places by a number of different people today and I honestly cannot find a good singular post to respond to with all of them in one place:

1) If your response to people not liking “kinning for fun” is “stop policing how other people understand their identity,” you have fundamentally misunderstood the problem. The entire problem is that it’s NOT their identity, and they’re explicitly stating that. Policing how other people understand their identity would be telling them that if they have more than [x] number of kintypes they’re not serious about it, or if they “don’t take it seriously enough” they’re not ~really~ ‘kin, not “hey if you’re explicitly saying you don’t actually identify as the thing in any way, why are you using the word that means you identify as the thing in some way”. (And don’t get me wrong - the former definitely exists, but it’s not what the KFF argument is about. That’s a separate argument entirely (and it is shitty and gatekeepy to arbitrarily decide that someone who is telling you they actually do identify as something actually doesn’t do it seriously enough for you) and I am a little tired of people conflating the two, honestly.)

2) “people find out they’re otherkin through roleplay a lot, so “kinning for fun” in that sense is okay and valid” - the former statement is true, but it doesn’t actually support the latter imo. Roleplay is great, and people absolutely explore identity using it a lot - but that doesn’t mean it’s the same thing as identity. Someone playing a character of a different gender in D&D might be a step in them figuring out they’re trans, and it may even be a sign that they’re trans, but it doesn’t inherently make them trans and it would be kind of insulting (and just. objectively incorrect) to call it “transing”, y’feel?

3) One of the biggest differences between, like, queer exclusionism and syscourse versus this whole thing (since I keep seeing this comparison occasionally), even ignoring the whole “nowhere is anyone telling KFF they’re wrong about their own experiences, just that the actual word they’re using is Not It” aspect, is that exclusionism is driving people out of spaces and communities they’ve historically been a part of. As far as I am aware, and please correct me if I am wrong here, otherkinity has always and exclusively been about being your kintype - people who just relate to a thing have, as far as I have ever seen in all my reading, never been a part of it. It’s not people suddenly being shoved out of a community they’ve historically been a part of, it’s outsiders trying to shoehorn themselves into words that were never meant to describe their experiences and getting mad when they’re told “hey, that’s not what that actually means.” (At risk of a controversial comparison here, it’s not m-spec lesbians suddenly being pushed out of the word “lesbian” because they don’t fit an increasingly narrowing label even though they were historically a part of it, it’s white people trying to insist that they’re “smudging” and that the spirits they’re interacting with are their “totem animals” even when they’re being repeatedly told by Native people that no, you have misunderstood what those words mean, stop misusing them that way, please use these other words that actually mean what you are describing instead. Obviously with a little less weight courtesy of the history tied in with cultural appropriation, but like - you get my point.)

There has to be a point at which a community is allowed to go “hey, you’re not allowed to try and force the word we created to describe a specific phenomenon to include a hundred other things that have very little in common with that specific phenomenon, or it becomes impossible for us to actually talk about our own experiences clearly because suddenly words mean borderline nothing.” I am all about inclusion, but words have to mean something or why do we have them at all? There are at this point literally dozens of other words for the things “kinning for fun” is supposed to mean - there are not other words for actually being nonhuman, which is the entire reason we created these words to begin with. If you want an umbrella term to cover all these things, that’s what “alterhuman” is for - we seriously do not need to be trying to force “otherkin” to be the umbrella term “alterhuman” was always supposed to be.

#kin for fun #rani talks

[bookshelfdreams]

Hi, can't stop thinking about Stede being inescapably himself vs. unapologetically himself and how this interacts with Ed's own insecurities during the treasure hunt. To Ed Stede is fascinating and 100% worthy of love and the only person who from Ed's pov disagrees is Izzy (whose opinion on that matter rightfully doesn't count). Seeing Stede excited about the map and the moth and the prospect of a treasure is enough to spent the afternoon doing something he isn't particularly interested in.

What Ed seems to miss - despite being good at reading the room most of the time - is that Stede is trying to make a good impression and create an experience to share with him specifically; it doesn't occur to him that someone would plan a nice harmless little activity mainly to impress and entertain him.

Now I can't stop thinking about the happiness they would have created for each other had they clearly communicated their intentions and really hope they get a moment in s2 in which they have a conversation along the lines "I made this because I thought you might enjoy it." - "I will enjoy it because you made it."

Wish you a pleasant afternoon!

:)))))))

it doesn't occur to him that someone would plan a nice harmless little activity mainly to impress and entertain him

yes and

It NEVER occurs to Stede that he doesn't need to impress Ed. Literally all Ed wanted to do is take a nap ffs, Stede could have let him cozy up on the couch and read a book to him & they would both have had the time of their lives.

anyway, YES it's a communication issue. Ed is generally really good at communicating his wants and thoughts clearly. He says exactly what he means most of the time. Stede, on the other hand, thinks a single clear statement would kill him. He's so used to communicating things indirectly that he looks for subtext and hidden meaning where there is none.

Like the beginning of ep7, what does Ed actually say? "I can't stay on here forever", which is true. He's got his own ship to captain (presumably, somewhere), he's clearly seeing his time aboard the Revenge as a sort of retreat, a pause fro the daily grind of pirating. It can't go on forever like this. Ed is not saying that he wants to leave immediately, or never see Stede again, or that he's bored out of his skull with Stede.

But that's exactly what Stede hears. He's so used to rejection that he doesn't pause a single second to think or ask for clarification, he just immediately jumps to conclusions - namely, that Ed is a hair's breadth away from disappearing forever, unless he gets some enrichment NOW.

They could!! Have just talked about this! Stede could have just asked "What do you mean?" But that would have meant running the risk of hearing Ed say, out loud, "It's time for us to go our separate ways". He can't. Indirect communication has the "advantage" that you can just ignore the things you don't want to acknowledge; if it's never said it doesn't exist.

Stede thinks rejection is inevitable. He's unable to trust in Ed's friendship; he can't believe anyone could stand his presence for prolonged periods of time, much less enjoy his company. Any day now, Ed is gonna realize how fundamentally unloveable Stede is. Any day he's gonna come to his senses and then he'll leave Stede behind for "the next adventure"; something more exciting, more fun than him (and then Calico Jack happens, this is a fun, lighthearted little romcom 🙃)

None of this is true, of course. It's just Stede constantly running worst-case-scenarios in the back of his head.

Meanwhile Ed? Constantly shows Stede he appreciates him and enjoys his company. Ed signals, over and over, "Hey, I really like you!"

He's miserable on the treasure hunt. He hates bugs and nature and is deadly embarrassed to be seen on this outing. He's still going along with it for Stede's sake. He wouldn't do that for anyone else.

And if they had just taken one minute to talk about this - well, nothing would have changed, because Stede is incapable of talking about his emotions, or articulating his deep feelings of inadequacy. But one can dream.

Yeah anyway, this really is the heart of their conflict. Stede could never admit to his insecurities; Ed isn't aware they could possibly exist, because to him, Stede has nothing to be insecure about and he completely falls for Stede's charade of confidence. It's so well done and I'm gonna go eat a wine bottle about it :)

#i can talk about this till the cows come home thank you so much!! #cakeeatingwingedcat #message #our flag means death #edward teach #stede bonnet #thoughts

[staysaneathome]

Five Ways Gertrude Robinson Didn’t Die (And One Way She Did)

(TW for Murder)

1) Martin

Martin doesn’t know why the Archivist has called him down here.

He’s just a library assistant, not even one of the good ones. Sure, Diana has a soft spot for him, his willing ear and eagerness to please, but he knows that she’s still quietly correcting his misfilings, his mistakes, making excuses whenever someone else asks why he’s so useless.

Martin has taken great pains to ensure he’s never ever anything more interesting than a kind smile and a cheery word.

There is no reason for the Archivist to call him down to the Archives.

“He-hello?” The Archives seem to swallow the word, stacks upon stacks of files and loose paper and— “Mrs, Mrs. Robinson? Is. Is anyone here?”

“Ah, Mr. Blackwood.”

Martin can’t help it. He yelps at the sound of the voice behind him, spinning on his heel and almost knocking over an entire stack of folders.

Mrs. Robinson smiles genially, her age wearing her like the particularly fluffy cardigan she’s got on.

“Apologies, Mr. Blackwood, didn’t mean to startle you. If you’d just come with me to my office, it’s just through here. Please, watch your step, we’re a bit of a mess down here.”

“A bit of a mess” is a bit of an understatement, if Martin’s putting it kindly. Still, he does his best to navigate his way after Mrs. Robinson to the Head Archivist’s office.

“Sit down, Mr. Blackwood.” Mrs. Robinson says.

Martin sits.

There’s a tape recorder on the desk. Martin doesn’t think he’s seen one of those since…gosh, maybe his teens? And even then that’d been on the shelf of a pawn shop as he tried to see if their nice plates could fetch anything to contribute to the bills.

“So, Mr. Blackwood,” Mrs. Robinson says, interrupting his gawking. “Is this your first time down in the Archives? What do you think?”

“Oh! Oh, it’s,” He laughs nervously, hating himself for the habit. “It’s very, ah? Impressive? Size wise? I don’t think we have half as many books in the library as you do down here—not that you have. Books. I meant. Files, by comparison. Yep.”

Mrs. Robinson nods sagely. “The Institute’s Archives contain material that dates back to 1816. As you can imagine, it’s quite a lot for me to try to manage now my previous assistants have…retired. I’m afraid I could use some help down here, Mr. Blackwood.”

She peers up at him from behind her glasses, reminding him of his Nan before Dad left and Mum cut off contact with his side of the family, all frail and sweet. “And Diane speaks very highly of you and your work ethic. Would you be interested in transferring to the Archives?”

There’s a large part of Martin that urges him to help this poor old lady. She clearly, desperately needs it. He’s almost surprised she hasn’t had a box or ten fall on her already.

But there’s another part of him that stops his immediate agreement. One that’s kept his head above water before.

“U,um.” Martin fidgets, knowing what he wants to ask but blushing at needing to do so. “Could, could, I? Hm, sorry, but, can I ask how much a, an archival assistant, uh, makes? As, as a wage?”

Does Mrs. Robinson’s smile twitch a bit, or was that his imagination?

“It is only £17,500 per year.” She demurs, “But I’m sure I could have a word with Director Bouchard, add another thousand or so onto that.”

Martin, who currently earns £23,490 per year as a library assistant and pours most of it into his Mum’s care home in Devon, has regrettably already made his mind up with that.

“Tha-thank you for the offer, Mrs. Robinson.” Martin says, timidly. “But, but I’m afraid I don’t think I’ve got the, the skills to be an archival assistant. An, and I, I’m not sure I could afford to move down to a lower salary, not with, with my Mum, and, um, yeah. I, I’m sorry?”

Mrs. Robinson nods, frowning understandingly.

Then she leans forward and presses the “record” button on the machine between them. “Statement of Martin Blackwood, regarding his education and work experience. Statement begins.”

And Martin speaks.

He speaks about things he’d never tell anyone about. Has never told anyone about. He speaks about his Dad leaving, there one day and gone the next. He speaks about his Mum, and her illness, how it took and took and took from her until her smiles turned brittle, and her words turned sharp, and her company turned sour as Martin grew. He speaks about not having enough to eat, to waking up one day to the water being shut off, to trying to calculate the budget and bills again and again and always, always ending up in the red. He speaks about realizing that homework and school and friends were not luxuries he could afford anymore, about searching for someone, anyone who would employ a boy of thirteen, fourteen, fifteen years for something more substantial than a few pounds.

And he speaks about lying. About lying about his age first. He’s a big lad, everyone’s always said so, so what if he can pass for seventeen, eighteen, twenty? At least he can earn minimum wage, keep their heads above water. About lying about his qualifications. Small ones at first, pretending he has a high school diploma. But you can’t get far on that anymore, not like you could in his mum’s day, so small lies become bigger. A technical degree. A bachelor’s. A master’s in parapsychology. Whatever will make him the ideal candidate, the best person for the job, the one who can keep paying for that expensive care home in Devon that Mum wanted.

He speaks even when tears begin pooling in his eyes and spilling down his cheeks. He speaks even as he tries to bite through his own tongue to halt the damning truths, to get rid of the burning gaze fixing him in place, to make it stop.

By the time Mrs. Robinson leans forward to press “stop” on the tape recorder, Martin’s gasping for air, face hot and sticky.

She somehow doesn’t look quite so soft and fluffy anymore.

“Thank you, Mr. Blackwood.” She says, brusquely. “Now, here is what is going to happen. I am going to send Diana and Director Bouchard an email, stating that you have agreed to a department transfer. You will be called up to Director Bouchard’s office to sign the requisite paperwork, and begin work in the Archives next Monday. If you don’t, or attempt to breathe any word of what happened here today to anyone, I’m afraid I will have to release the contents of this tape to HR, and then where will your mother be, Mr. Blackwood? Why with this evidence, would you be able to even get a minimum wage position after this? Think of your mother, Mr. Blackwood.”

Martin is, Martin is, Martin can hardly think of anything else at the moment, his head pounding as his eyes burn and tears continue to pour down his cheeks with every sob.

“Do you understand, Mr. Blackwood? Mr. Black—?”

Martin doesn’t quite know what happens next.

One moment, he’s listening to an old woman attempting to blackmail him into accepting a department transfer.

The next, he’s standing with a tape recorder covered in blood and hair clutched in one fist, breathing hard, staring down at—at—!

Oh god.

Oh, god.

What’s he done?

What has he done?

Martin’s a practical lad. He’s had to be, ever since he realized doing what he was supposed to wouldn’t make Mum better or sort their money problems.

So the first thing he does is fish the tape out of the recorder, shoving it in his pocket.

He desperately wants to throw the damn thing to the floor and stamp on it, but what if the police have some way to read it? No, no, something in the back of his head says, best to take it with him and find a more permanent way to destroy it later.

Then he gathers up the recorder and the corpse of Gertrude Robinson, trying his best not to gag, and takes it with him to the Archives’ breakroom.

There’s not much in the office fridge. Just an egg and cress sandwich, which very easily joins the bottle of milk in the fridge door. Thankfully the shelving slides out easily enough, and can be propped up against the back wall.

It’s hard to corral all of Gertrude Robinson’s limbs into behaving, but eventually she’s part jammed, part squashed into the empty cavity and all Martin has to do is turn the fridge down to as low as it will go.

He spares a final look at the old woman. “I’m. I’m sorry, I, I didn’t want—I, I, never, I didn’t mean—!”

Her corpse grants him no forgiveness. So Martin closes the fridge with a heavy heart.

Making the tea relaxes him a bit, even as he knows the second cup will never be drunk. Still, he at least tries to enjoy half of the first before splattering his jumper as best he can with the second.

It doesn’t cover the bloodstains quite as he’d hoped. Still, the pungent smell of over-brewed Assam and flecks of tea on his shirt collar should waylay some suspicion as he pulls his jumper off, turns it inside out, and carefully ties it around his waist, making sure no incriminating marks are easily visible.

He washes up the cups and his face, leaves the crockery on the drying board behind him as he hunts for the final things he needs.

Luck seems to be on his side, as something in him directs him to grab a box of files which has a second tape and recorder containing just what he needs at the end. He shoves the mangled murder weapon to the bottom.

Lying to the cameras is just like lying to people, Martin tries to tell himself. Just show them what they expect to see—useless, bumbling Martin Blackwood being shooed away from a mess he’s made again—and no one will be any the wiser. It’ll be fine. Mum will be fine.

“Sorry again about the documents, Mrs. Robinson!” He blusters at the entrance to the Archives, turning to look down the empty stairwell as if he’s speaking to someone standing there. “Are, are you sure, is there anything else I could help with before I go?”

“Mm.” Goes Gertrude Robinson on the tape recorder, condescending and dismissive. “No, no, not at the moment, thank you.”

Martin presses the stop button as quietly as he can before the hapless “Michael” can reply on the tape, hopes the camera didn’t catch the movement of his hand. “Right! Right, I’ll just…right. See you later!”

He turns away from the door and walks down the hallway at his normal pace, listening to it bang shut behind him as if closed by an irate archivist.

It’s borderline torture, making himself go back up to the library and go about work as usual, pausing only to stuff the incriminating jumper, tape, and recorder into his backpack. He keeps thinking, with every glance that Diana and Hannah and Rosie, and all the people on the street and on tube on the way home shoot him, they know, they know, they’re just waiting for the right time to accuse him, they know, they Know.

Still, Martin’s spent most of his life operating with this mantra on repeat in his ears. So he thinks he does an alright job of pretending everything’s normal as he journeys home at the end of the day.

He’s just got to get to his flat. He can get in, destroy the last of the evidence, and even if the police call him in for questioning, hopefully enough time will have gone by that with his improvised alibi on the CCTV, he won’t remain under suspicion for long.

He finds Director Elias Bouchard waiting outside his door.

“Ah, Martin.” The Head of the Magnus Institute says, with gleaming, piercing, all-knowing eyes and a smile that’s all teeth. “Just the man I was hoping to see. Why don’t you and I have a little chat?”

Martin can’t keep back a whimper.

#the magnus archives #tma #tma au #gertrude robinson #martin blackwood #tw murder #character death #elias bouchard #sometimes you spend so much time examing s2 Jon’s mindset that you eventually go #what would it look like if each of the archival staff was guilty? #5 + 1 things #5 + 1 fic #Martin I’m sorry #orz

[syndianites]

For a prompt: "If you're gonna kill him I can't stop you, but he's really not worth the effort."

❤️ ❤️

"If you're gonna kill I can't stop you, but he's really not worth the effort."

Alyssa didn't jump, but it was a near thing. Her ears swivled, trying to catch the sound of breathing, footsteps, something that would give her a clue as to where the newest arrival was. All she heard was her own breathing and the ragged pants of Nadeshot below her, who struggled to catch his breath from where his windpipe was being crushed beneath her arm.

Catiously, she chanced a look around her surroundings. She almost missed them in the early sunlight of the morning. But no, there, hovering at her side was a- pirate?

She was a ghost, clearly. Between the transparent visage and the way her feet were just barely above the ground.

No matter.

"You're right, you can't stop me." Alyssa punctuated this statement by pressing down on Nadeshot's throat harder, taking sick satisfaction in the way he wheezed. "He certainly has it coming."

She got a snort from the ghost. "You're not wrong there, mate. But I'd be remised to let him die if that meant he would be haunting the land with me. I ain't looking forward to only having him as company if you decide you don't fancy talking to ghosts."

Alyssa huffed a laugh despite herself. Nadeshot had pissed her off for the last time, not only stealing from her, again, but taking something of Mot's- who had been MIA for weeks now. Sure, killing Nadeshot was a bit drastic, but it'd stop him from stealing from her and she doubted anyone else stuck in this place would miss him.

Still, she supposed the ghost was right. If she killed him she'd be subject to whatever law and court system that exists, and stand on trail, and hope that 'he stole my shit and is fucking annoying' held as a reasonable defense for killing a man.

With a great sigh she released him, taking a step back and kicking him in the side. "Run before I change my mind."

There was confusion in his eyes- clearly he couldn't see ghosts- but he griped his throat and stumbled to his feet. With one last wary glance he ran off.

Capsize stifled a laugh as Nadeshot ran. "He wont be forgetting the feeling of your arm at his throat, at least." She turned to Alyssa. "Name's Capsize, pleasure ta meet ya."

Rather than extend a hand, Capsize brought it to her chest and did a mock bow. She had no visible mark of death, no blood splatter or caved in head, or what have you. Either Capsize was a particularly powerful ghost or she'd been dead a while. Maybe both.

"Alyssa." She inclined her head. "Been dead long?"

Rude as it sounded, most ghosts that were as pristine as Capsize had long since at peace with their death. Hell, most would ignore any faux pas just to have someone to talk to.

True to form, Capsize snorted. "You could say that. I've seen you around, didn't realize you could see me, otherwise I'd have introduced myself sooner. Pardon my bluntness, but why are y'all here? If anyone was gonna fall out of the sky, I was expecting my mates."

Alyssa frowned, brushing the dirt off her knees. "Magic bullshit. Hoped into a portal and suddenly we were here instead of anywhere in our world. I imagine your friends got the same treatment- jumped into a portal and got spat back out at our place."

"Well then, guess we got a lot to talk about, huh?" Capsize smiled at her like they were already friends. It urked Alyssa, but as much as she'd want to complain she was tired of talking to Spark and Jeriah, and this world's gods were odd to talk to, considering her experiences with her worlds versions.

"I suppose we do."

----

Cue ghost shenanigans as Alyssa and Capsize try to figure out why the alts got sent here and the others got sent to Ruxomar, featuring: A return of the Shadows, talking shit about the gods, talking about feeling like they aren't enough for the gods they follow, bitching about their family, and more!

Thanks for the prompt!

#mianite #mianite prompt #mianite alts #captain capsize #alyssa countrybat #honestly tho they'd have so much to talk about

[grokebaby]

I might be stating the obvious but the black feathered lady next to Nan here is ofc Mrs. Varpunen (Lassi's bio mom)

Oh yeah, another "is this already obvious?" statement would be that Varpunen means sparrow in finnish. Their last name is Sparrow.

You can quite obviously see alot of Lassi's facial traits like nose and jaw shape in her! How strange that Lassi himself isn't more beastly than he is, considering the Mrs. Here. However a big portion of his traits also come from the Mr - notably, blue skin.

She shall remain anonymous, but throughout this I'll refer to Mrs Varpunen as P

Back when the kids were small, Nan didn't talk about the Mr and P with names, hence why they're called that (Mr and Mrs) now. She would've talked about them with names if the kids ever asked but they never really did. Ykno how, as a parent, you don't talk about your fellow parent with their first name to your child?

"Why didn't she call them mom and dad?" because they weren't that to Lassi and Siru. Nan is their mom, and they had no dad. She raised them single. Though she did say "Dad" about the Mr every now and then in some contexts, it was moreso used to denote who we're talking about rather than earning him the title.

P was always an insecure and easily anxious demon, though she had better times prior to her marriage. She could be joking and brash and fun, even if that sometimes did lead her to more anxiety causing situations. I say anxiety, as in, if she could've been diagnosed, she would've had a disorder. She was born into warriorhood but the stress of guarding others lives and fighting threats put a huge strain on her mental health which, in her adolescence, caused her to leave the lifestyle behind. This unfortunately isolated her from most of her loved ones and relatives, since she moved elsewhere upon quitting, and well (insert lore that explains more why here). Ykno. You get the point.

This post will discuss emotional/psychological abuse and/or manipulation, and misogyny after this point.

Having to grow into her adulthood with untreated anxiety and consequently depression, P was easily swayed by Mr's charms when they first met. He's the kind of person who can make you feel good about yourself in his company only. He was quick to notice Ps insecurities and offered emotional support and attention she clearly hadn't received before. He ofc thought of himself as helping her but ykno, getting a deeply insecure and struggling individual to latch onto you in order to make them a loyal spouse is... Well shitty is an understatement..

I'm not saying there wasn't genuine affections from both sides, however that doesn't change the fact that their relationship was deeply unhealthy. The existence of love doesn't cancel out abuse.

Mr Varpunen met P first and Nan later, which is a part of why she was swayed to join the relationship in the first place. The Mr alone would've at most earned an eyeroll from Nan. But he'd gained more experience in how he navigated intimate relationships by the time they met, plus the inclusion of a third person in the relationship gave Nan some reassurance in it's stability.

Before anyone says anything about this: None of this is meant to put polyamory in a negative light, this is meant to portray a toxic relationship, in general - polygamous relationships can be toxic same as monogamous ones. Even if this was all monogamous, there still would've been all the same issues with Mr Varpunen included. In the setting where these three originate, polyamory is common and considered as normal as monogamy. None of this is intended to come off as criticism of the relationship model (I'm a poly attracted person myself btw), it's criticism of misogyny.

Back to the characters.

P was fond of Nan from the start, even if she felt worried about what this would change for her and Mr's relationship. This was ofc due to her unhealthy dependency on him. She rarely spoke to Nan 1x1 outside of any instance that warranted it - she didn't go out of her way to avoid it but would always look to her husband for the majority of things. She did often wish she and Nan could've gotten closer to each other but didn't find the courage to approach her, nor receive any advances she made, in fear of what Mr Varpunen would think of it.

Mr would later come to make multiple lighthearted remarks about being pleased his two wives are getting along - "Just so long as you don't get along TOO well", so they wouldn't stop needing him.. He didn't feel threatened by their relationship to each other in the slightest since he perceived himself as the one in control, and couldn't imagine things getting out of hand. It's no surprise he flew too close to the sun (or in this case the death God's mouth) later.

P often felt conflicted towards Nan since, despite finding her a genuinely sweet and reasonable person, the damage had already been done by then and she often resented Nan for being more seemingly "Well adjusted", levelheaded and independent (Though most people would seem more independent to P in comparison to herself). She often secretly wished Nan would be expelled of the relationship, jealous, and all sorts of other things she ultimately also felt guilty for thinking. She did acknowledge to an extent that her thoughts only came as a result of the emotional abuse but that wasn't enough to help her out of it.

Despite everything, P was always held up by Mr as the more "Attractive" and desirable one, however subtly. Nan was used to being modest and putting others before herself so she didn't really have the confidence to call this out, especially since it was done so implicitly. Had she mentioned, it would've been all "Oh Nan's jealous now, is that it? You want more attention than the other wife?? You're demanding even more from me???" with Mr. Nan was the humble, low maintenance wife, and P was the hot, special, "can't be left alone poor girl". P's appeal was due to her being apparently stronger and more potent supernaturally since she was born into a warrior/"beast" lineage. You'd think this would earn some respect but it was mostly just being objectified unfortunately.

Mr would live at their homeside with his wives, but go out to the human realm to work a job he'd acquired there, and so he'd leave almost daily, sometimes for multiple days at a time. This was however balanced by him sometimes staying home for a few days in turn. Oh, Nan and P? Taking care of the home and all, ykno.. "As women should".

Vaguely related, but Lassi came out of an egg, whereas Siru was born. (is that how you say it? Birthed??)

Both chicklings were covered in silky black plumage at first, ykno, baby feathers, but they shed it in under a month as they tend to do. Lassi ended up being the favorite due to being a fat little peep and resembling the Mr more than Siru. Neither wife felt quite right about the obvious favoritism, however P was just relieved it was the one she made that became the Fave. Nan never talked about this to either of the children later on and though she mentioned Lassi resembling the Mr more, she preferred being vague about it as to not cause rifts between the siblings. Ykno, like a decent parent.

Though the names of the kids were decided as a group, Mr Varpunen insisted they were named the "human way", against the traditions of their kind. He was of course planning ahead on bringing the kids with him, as he intended for the whole family to move to the human realm eventually.

Both Siru and Lassi were under a year old when P and Mr Varpunen met their demise.

#Character notes #(the variety where it's a huge essay about the intricacies of their psyche) #Nan #Lassi's mom #Demon oc #Backstory #Uhh yeh!!! Drops this on you #Content warnings in text

[sepublic]

        I think it’s really sad and f’ed up actually that if Belos DID know about the Titan Trappers, he would’ve continued to isolate the Collector from them and vice-versa, not letting either known the other is active and out there. Obviously the relationship of the Trappers is rather parasocial and on Bill’s end potentially exploitative, but these are still people who would be the closest to ‘friends’ and allies the Collector would have (nor would Belos necessarily realize nor care to save the Collector from exploiters aside from using him for himself alone)... And of course, because he needs to control the Collector, Philip would lie to him and hide the truth. Especially since with the Trappers, the Collector doesn’t need to rely on Belos to free himself, and that manufactured dependence was necessary to drag the knowledge of the draining spell from the kid.

        Belos totally used this child, and isolated him in his basement for centuries from people who were actually out there looking for and intending to support him... The Collector isn’t great but that doesn’t contradict the statement that the Collector IS a victim of Philip, arguably his oldest and longest (even if his lifespan might make that period less impactful as it would be for someone like Hunter), so it really is karmic and fitting that the kid got his revenge. We talk of Eda or Darius or Hunter deserving to return the favor, but I hope with hindsight people realize the same has already applied to the Collector, who’s gotten payoff for centuries we haven’t seen. Philip cut him off from a support network he already had; It’s poetic that Belos feared the Collector more than anyone else as THE proof of his claim of witches as dangerous threats to humanity, and despite all his effort to mitigate that threat, got splattered by it anyhow.

        It makes it easy to root for the Collector as an ally, esp when he undoes the damage that Belos tried to use him for, further humiliating Philip; But then, THEY are no saint either, evidently they were killing Titans before Belos encouraged murder, but then maybe Bill played a formative role too. Still, the Collector, with his cosmic power associated before with the light glyph, I wonder if he’s meant to embody the Demon Realm in its chaotic messiness, yet ultimately not malicious and deserving of kindness too. Mayhaps he’ll have a symbolic redemption to show how Belos made a self-fulfilling prophecy when he could’ve ended it with actual kindness like Caleb would’ve... Esp given the parallels to Luz and how this story in the Boiling Isles is ultimately about her quest for belonging as the central crux of the narrative.

        Honestly this whole thing of a colonizer taking in a native kid and cutting him off from his culture and family to exploit, while also lying to and treating him as some representative threat of the ‘savage’ world he intends to civilize, using him as a self-fulfilling prophecy by feeding into the very things he criticizes him for, simply to justify his prejudice... Big yikes. Anyhow, we need more emphasis on the Collector and Belos’ twisted and gray dynamic, and how their relationship is the longest Philip has ever had with anyone, and existed longer than most of our cast ever will. It’s such a huge and informative part of the lore really, how they were basically trapped with one another. I wouldn’t be surprised if Philip’s experience in manipulating the Collector informed how he abused the Grimwalkers; If the ‘success’ motivated him to make the Grimwalkers younger, since it’s clearly easier to control children like ‘Luzura’ and the Collector.

#the owl house #the owl house collector #emperor belos #philip wittebane #Titan trappers

[stresslitzia]

What are your thoughts on Larx/Elrena I'm curious now lol, I'm new to this blog

Allow me to preface this with the following: I was introduced to this series by a friend who only told me about Xion. I got a copy of Days as my first *played* KH game because of that, and got more attached to Larxene than anyone else. My first experience was with the GBA version of CoM several years earlier. And henceforth, I will be using Elrena as the primary name in this post, unless the statement specifically refers to her time as a Nobody.

...This post is almost 1000 words of unorganized thoughts after this point.

So.

Elrena is a character I picked up on really soon after starting my journey with this series. As in, before her origin was revealed, I was already obsessing over how she might have been before.

This meant that when the reveal actually occurred, I was thrilled. Because when KHUx rebranded, and we met Lauriam, my little singular braincell made the connection that "Hey, these characters get along like they were already friends, maybe they came from the same place."

I was revealed to be right about six months after mentioning this to someone.

Beyond that, we've got her storyline in KHUx proper. She's revealed as a very quiet, withdrawn character. Polar opposite to Larxene, though we know they're mostly one and the same. When Larxene dies in KH3, we even witness her briefly returning to the old, clearly anxiety-bearing Elrena. She becomes, quite literally, a completely different person after she disappears.

The KHWiki explains that she was chosen to be a Dandelion due to her aversion to Darkness. When she dies in KH3, Larxene releases more Darkness than ANY other True Organization member. When Lauriam asks her about Strelitzia, Elrena explains that they weren't exactly friends, but that they did talk sometimes.

My theory, as someone who came from a similar situation, is that she had a bad start to life. That before Daybreak Town, she may have been in an abusive situation of sorts- perhaps one she ran away from. The aversion to Darkness stemmed from such a situation. The refusal to admit that she had friends came from a need to be independent for the sake of survival. The anxiety she expresses around the Union Leaders also points to this, as does the aggression and refusal to follow orders as a Nobody.

We also see her actively interacting with more than just her default/preferred element in KH3. She makes an entire labyrinth of ice. A MASSIVE labyrinth of ice. Having the skill to do that, but not using it, is very much a trauma response- you don't show off every skill when people push you to constantly do more on account of them.

Part of this- most of this- is projection. I've seen myself in this character since day 1. She was everything I ever aspired to be. I didn't see her as a bad character, I saw her as someone who stood up for herself. Something I couldn't do.

That's one part of my thoughts. The other part is her connection with Lauriam/Marluxia in particular.

Like. We know that Elrena knew Strelitzia. There's a non-zero chance that Lauriam had been introduced to her before Strel's death, which is kinda obvious, since he recognizes her by appearance.

The fact that Elrena is the FIRST person Lauriam goes to for help, despite knowing Strelitzia's connection to the Player, is important to me. The fact that Elrena's willing to help despite "not" being friends with the deceased. The fact that Elrena knows where to find Lauriam when she has something to share about the situation is also important, since she's the ONLY non-leader, bar Player, to enter the clock tower.

Her lack of confidence when they're being sent into the Lifeboats, as well- specifically needing to be comforted, told she's worthy of survival, and being given a task to keep her grounded. The fact that she only calmed down enough to agree when she was told she was needed. The fact that the only one who registered what she needed was the older brother of the friend she never admitted to having.

More importantly, the fact that Marluxia and Larxene were very much separate from the rest of the Organization. They were all each other had. The fact that Marluxia doesn't face Sora at all after his introduction until AFTER Larxene is defeated.

The fact that Marluxia and Larxene face Sora together in the Keyblade Graveyard, that their attacks are so specifically balanced/timed that when one goes down, the other falls within a few hits. That Luxord is also there, but has a third of the HP, so most of the battle is just against those two. That their death scenes both have them remember their pasts. That Larxene, returning to herself, specifically remembers the goal she was given. That she's very clearly referring to Marluxia when she refers to her 'secret.'

These two characters literally have a bond transcending time and memory. There's been no Red String Of Fate trope done better than this.

I just.

So much of Elrena's characterization depends on the people she cares about. She won't admit that she cares about them, but they're so important to her that without them, she'd be someone completely different.

I see myself in this character. I always have. She's impacted how I interact with the world around me. The fierceness she has as a character is what's carried me out of a lot of bad situations.

I have a lot of thoughts about her. I can't put a lot of them into words. She's all I think about, but there's nothing going on inside my head half the time. Just like. a vague image of Elrena. just vibing.

I play her in my roleplay server. I have fun with her. Everyone else has fun with my depiction of her. I want to see her in KH4 and I want to see if I'm correct about how she'd respond to having her ultimate goal fulfilled. Because with the kind of anxiety she displays, she's either going to be the type to isolate, or the type to just seemingly give up when there's no more that *has* to be done.

...I just. really enjoy her as a character.

#infrequently asked questions #ramblings #Elrena and Lauriam have been my comfort characters since before we knew their names. #They are a package deal and are not sold separately

[class1akids]

Hello~ I may be going back in time but one quote from Rei has always been odd to me in the todoroki plot. she says Shoto suffered more than any of the family and has become the family hero. While I love how Shoto has taken that role in his plot I was wondering what the general opinion is on that statement? I don't have the skills to know if it's a translation issue but that phrase seems to imply from her perspective that there's a hierarchy instead of each of the family victims having unique responses and experiences. Not just Touya btw, but in regards to Natsuo and Fuyumi too (and herself).

It's pretty controversial, because of how clumsy it flows - and people do make the same arguments you do about Rei ranking victims or that it ignores what Fuyumi did for the family by saying Shouto is the hero.

I haven't got my Volume version yet, but I know this chapter has been heavily revised, so perhaps the new version makes things clearer.

I think however, even if you look at the page, it becomes clear that the context is Rei talking to Enji specifically here (and not Fuyumi and Natsuo).

She says "one of our children" so in this panel the "us" is her and Enji and she's stating that Shouto suffered more than herself and Endeavor. And while victim-hierarchy is in general not a good idea, in this specific context it does make sense, since Rei is also a perpetrator in relation to Shouto, not only a victim.

In my opinion, the gist of what she is saying, that Rei and Enji as parents really fucked up with Touya and the whole family. And Shouto, their child they both hurt very much is stepping up to save them. For Rei, her salvation is Shouto calling her "mom" again. Not because she doesn't love all her children, but because she hurt Shouto and she couldn't move past her guilt until he gave her the "permission" to do so by visiting her. This is not belittling anyone else - but only Shouto reaching out could help Rei because of their history.

It's all there to kind of complete Shouto's arc about becoming a hero who - unlike his father - is putting his family first and is finding a way to save them.

And this is because "hero" here is meant in the MHA-sense, not in the more generic "you are my hero sense". Other than Endeavor, only Shouto has the qualification / license to go after Touya and stop him and Rei knows that he wants to do just that (because they talked before coming to see Endeavor). Shouto's first waking thought is his brother in the hospital and the strong feeling that he has to be the one to do it.

But Rei also knows that what Touya truly needs emotionally is his father giving him some closure, showing that he cares and that's why Rei wants Shouto to reach out to his father on this, and for Enji to finally step up for Touya.

So this is how I interpreted this scene - but like I said, it's a pretty clumsily put together chapter, and there are many controversial things in it, when people just take individual sentences.

This I fully blame on Taguchi coming on as editor, considering this run of chapter 300-303 had a ton of mistakes / weird turn of phrases. Horikoshi just finished the war arc (already with a bunch of badly paced chapters) and instead of taking a break, rushed straight into the aftermath. He was clearly exhausted and it didn't help that the people whose job is to catch onto mistakes weren't even doing a basic level proof-reading to notice timeline screw-ups or things like Hawks' dialect was totally off in Ch 299.

#c1a asks #bnha 302 #bnha meta #todoroki rei #todoroki shouto #keeping up with the todorokis

[juice-egg-bread]

THE FATE OF release + Experience publishing for the first time

So, The Fate of has now been published! Or at least in ebook form when I post this. It has been a lot of hard work, so I thought I’d write a “closing statement” regarding the book. Below will be some stats to maybe compare in the future and some fun facts.

If anyone is looking for information from a clueless, indie author about how things have been publishing their first book, then you might find something valuable here!

To start, I am quite satisfied with the numbers. I had four people ask for an advance reader copy and the total amount of preorders across all avenues to procure the book was about 56. I say 'about' simply because I sometimes doubt this number. It’s so big? Where did this come from? I think for my first publication, as someone who is new to social media and has intense anxiety surrounding it, this was more than I could ask for. Thank you.

I did very minimal marketing and any 'marketing' I did was with the mindset of having information regarding the book all in one place. So, in a way, most of it was made for those few who already knew about it. ......... My tactics are not the best, but I'll figure it out eventually.

And to the people curious, here is some information about the costs and decisions made about them:

I do want to make my money back to pay for the next cover and maybe… if I make enough… then I can pay for an editor! That would be super cool. I don’t have a lot of money, so I weighed the things I wanted the most and a cover was a priority.

Some people might say this choice is very, very bad and I understand fully what they are saying. I don’t think this is recommended by anyone, but I’m just doing what I can to make this series as professional as possible on the limited budget I have.

“Why did you spend money on a nice cover and not an editor then?”

Um…………… no answer.

I have a background in editing and ran a literary salon and magazine for some time, so my line of thinking was, “I’ll see how far my skills in this can carry me,” and, “I’ll edit like I hate everything about the book and maybe that will help me see it more clearly.”

Hopefully, it worked and if not I’ll pay the repercussions. I have accepted this.

Ah, so anyway, here are the numbers. I am from the US, so the currency is in USD:

I paid the wonderful cover artist, Theo, 630 dollars. It was a hefty price, but I love his art so much, that I felt so happy to do this. I want to commission even more artists in the future!  I had to pay 25 dollars for a change on Draft 2 Digital the day after I submitted it… so embarrassing… It taught me that I should pay a bit more attention to things and be more careful. 5 dollars for a map-making site that I did not use. One day we will have a map, but I think I want to pay someone to design it. I showed my grandma the map I tried to make and she just shook her head. Relative locations are more important than exactness currently, but hopefully in the next book, I’ll be able to share a clearer picture.

I make about 3-4 dollars per ebook and print book, so to make my money back, I have to sell 220 copies! (We are already 25% of the way there!)

I guess time will tell if this happens, but no matter what I’ll keep writing and commissioning art for the series. I really want to dedicate myself to improving and learning. I chose to write 7 books because I wanted to make something long, winding, and thoughtful. I want to see the end of it. It’s hard to make promises so far out in the future, but, if you are reading this as someone who wants to see the end too, then I promise you that I will do my best to finish this series and aim for the highest quality I can!

So serious stuff aside, here are some fun facts about The Fate of!

There will be spoilers, so be cautious of that.

Dianthus and Frogs

Their connection to frogs was originally meant to be foreshadowing to the fact that they don’t breathe through their lungs - they breathe through their skin! This was a scrapped idea since the implication would be that Dia’s skin is always moist like a frogs in order to breathe and … yeah… I don’t know about that. So, even if they simply don’t need to breathe at all now, their love of frogs remained!

The Masque of the Red Death

Yes, this book was really inspired by this story and movie! I tried to make the first book have a very straightforward plot in order to complicate things down the road. It was important to me to create a stable, simple ground so things could get wild later and I think the story of The Masque of the Red Death helped foster that.

Philosophy

No concept in The Fate of is fully original! I do want to create a reading list one day, but I find the thought of that daunting. One day, though. If you are truly new to some of these ideas, I do ask you to take a look at both Eastern and Western philosophical writings. This is really basic to say, but its so important and also really fun! But a piece of advice to those wanting to look into the sources of these ideas is to ignore the online community. When I say this, I am including anything within academic circles too. They will offer you nothing and some of them even act as vehicles to insidious propaganda and violent pipelines of thought. You should always be vigilant with this since, as much as I love having a silly time, I can’t pretend these things aren’t so close to the study I love so much. But in a more personal sense, and some might disagree with me on this, I think growing these ideas solely on your own in the beginning is the best way to learn. Even if you get confused, there is no shame in that. Just keep going. Things always make sense eventually and sometimes the sense you create is more important than what others deem as a text’s truth. I feel like this way of going about things facilitates that.

Writing Process

The Fate of is the second book I wrote! The first one was so, so, so bad, but I learned a lot during it. I’m happy I wrote it, but it causes me pain to think about. But the characters you find in this version of the story, I’ve had for a long, long time, so they’ve gone through a lot of changes. Here are some of them: The most painful one was that Rhoswen and Lorene were siblings originally… Listen, it was a much different story then and they were very different characters. Let’s ignore this. Dianthus had a last name! It was ‘of Minamiento’. They don’t have one anymore, but maybe this name will come up again. Who knows? There was a huge focus on angelic beings in the story rather than “”eldritch”” ones (if they can even be called that now). This may be relevant in some capacity later, but not in the traditional sense of things. Rhoswen is a hard-to-know character at the moment and he will continue to be a relevant character, but in the first draft, he was a deuteragonist! 

Jewish Culture

Have you read anything in The Fate of and thought, “Huh, that sounds like Jewish food,” or, “This sounds very Jewish for some reason even though it’s not. Why does a book with a catholic analogy have this?” Well, you’re right! My relationship with religion is incredibly strange due to … abandoned orphan melodrama things… so don’t expect anything from me, but I still like to reference certain foods and such occasionally. I think the most prominent moment, off the top of my head, is Harr and the cabbage dish. It’s not a wholly Jewish dish, but that’s where it comes from for me at least! 

And here are some things to look forward to in the future…

I am very interested in writing free content because… ummmmm… I want to! I have some ideas, but if you have any thoughts on this, you can share them with me! I’m curious as to what people may be interested in. I’ll give you an idea of what content I have in mind and maybe what to expect in the future between releases:

A certain kind of scene with Vesryn and Lisha. An adventure in the past with Harr and Jouna. And a fun day with the acting cleric, Rhoswen.

Also, all the books have been named! I love their titles so much and I can’t wait to reveal them as time passes by. I can say now, though, that the next book can be abbreviated to COTA. And…

There will be another storyline in the second book alongside Evangeline, Dianthus, and Harr!  I wonder who it will be about … 

J.E. Lynn

#the fate of

[unopenablebox]

this bit of this long post is the part i feel obliged to warn people about:

i am just not ever going to systematically tag every post in which untrue things are said like they’re true as “unreality”. the reasons i am not going to do this are many, but include that it is genuinely very difficult for me to decipher which instances of sarcasm and evident falsehood are supposed to be the morally wrong or confusing ones to expose people to, and in general i am not a good person to follow if it is really important that all statements are factual and unambiguous. like, is the post about how in the cambrian era it was always sunday morning and the ocean was made of sprite ‘unreality’? is it ridiculous enough that it no longer counts as unreality? is it still unreality if it is clearly meant to be describing the impressions created by scientific illustrations of the cambrian, where that really is the atmosphere of those real scientific illustrations? the question occurred to me just now making this post, months after i reblogged it, but is not a filter i am capable of preemptively applying to things like that and you should not follow my blog if you would need that!

the rest of this is just me being sulky about goncharov discourse (well, about meta-goncharov discourse, i guess, as in, i am responding to the current discourse on whether it is acceptable to do goncharov posting, as opposed to “goncharov discourse” the joke about the imaginary film)

the other issue i experience with the moral imperative to label factually incorrect statements is because, uh, if i am making a joke premised on a particular pretense, and immediately follow it with an extensive description of how it was a joke and what the pretense is, it has ceased to be a joke. the post no longer contains a joke in it, because i have put a warning label on it that is in strict opposition to the thing that was supposed to be the joke part.

it’s not that it’s funny to intentionally mislead others. such jokes are premised on assuming others will understand that you are making a joke about something that is not true, since for instance i found the cambrian era post funny in part due to my knowledge that in reality it was sometimes not sunday morning back then and the ocean was made of water. but the joke is that one is pretending something obviously false is true, so by labeling it as “not true” you are no longer making the joke. i’m sincerely sorry that this kind of joke is bad for some people, but it is not the case that it is obvious or effortless to label this kind of thing, nor is it the case that doing so would not impact this kind of joke in the first place; it in fact makes it not a joke anymore.

it’s also not some kind of intrinsically cruel attempt to trick other people. like, the goncharov thing is in fact premised on assuming that other people have seen the goncharov shoe post and that goncharov knowers are the ones enjoying and sharing the joke. it’s not a malicious conspiracy crafted in the hopes that some of your followers have managed to spend two years not seeing the original goncharov post and will believe the movie is real. extensive serious-sounding analysis of an imaginary movie is funny because the audience knows the movie is imaginary and that the writer is in fact making up scenes for there to be symbolism of.

but the jokes. do not work. if you have to systematically re-explain the premise of the joke every time you make it to avoid anyone ever not knowing what you’re talking about. this is also a competing access need, actually: if i am supposed to self-police to avoid ever making a joke based on ironically saying something i think is obviously false, then i am curtailing a significant portion of my ability to ever make jokes online, because that kind of humor is part of how i grew up expressing myself and how i continue to communicate with others. if i am supposed to extensively label everything that’s a reference to something not directly contained within the post, that is in fact curtailing my ability to talk about things with other people, because i do not have anything even remotely resembling a reflexive ability to evaluate my speech for this kind of thing.

some people find it easy to maintain personal blogs with this kind of extensive signposting, or don’t have any particular inclination to make jokes in which things are not true or not labeled, and that’s good for them, and i’m glad they exist since there are people who need things communicated in that way. but it’s morally fine for me to have a blog which is not maximally accessible to all of humankind at all times. and i’m going to continue doing it

#i am happy to try to adapt things about my blog to avoid harming others but sometimes i can't-- or even won't-- do that #a personal blog is not some kind of service one provides that one has an obligation to make easy for others to access or understand #i am perfectly aware that i exist within a social context and there are plenty of things i do in fact do in response to that awareness #and due to a desire to make the experiences of my online social connections pleasant or communicate successfully #but like. there is no systematic harm that emerges from not getting why i said X on my blog #it's not useful to anyone else it's a blog. you don't need my blog for things and i shouldn't have to manage it #like it's a public resource. it's my blog