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ponderingmoonlight · 7 months

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gojo’s younger sister with nanami pls

Your wish is my command. Planned this for sooo long and now I finally have an excuse to write it down haha. Please let me know if you like it <3

Nanami and Gojo's little sister meeting again years after their ugly breakup

Pairing: Nanami x Gojo's sister

Word Count: 3,5k

Synopsis: It's been some hell of years since Nanami left Gojo's younger sister for another woman. But when her big brother invites her to Jujutsu HIgh again, things start to unveil...

Warnings: language, mentions of cheating, just got a new laptop so there might be some spelling mistakes (sorry about that)

As usual, I'm always thankful for comments, likes and reblogs. Thank you for your support <3

„Why me?“, Nanami growls, looking up from the paper in his hands.

“Because I’m absolutely not in the mood to listen to her gossip. Also, you’re her favorite. Sometimes I even think she loves you more than me…”

“Satoru, I’m not the babysitter for your little sister.”

“Come on Namani, I bet she’s happy to see you again! You guys got along so well!”

The imagines of your last meet-up crowd into his head and inevitably make Nanami grimace.

“The emphasis is on ‘got’. You know exactly what happened last time. What makes you think she wants to see me after all of this?”, Nanami questions in annoyance.

Deep down, he knows exactly that Gojo just wants to mess with him. It’s been years since he dumped you. Years in which you never saw each other again. Satoru mentioned that you are travelling somewhere in japan and driving out curses there quite successfully. You’ve always been a very gifted jujutsu sorcerer. It seems to run in the family – as well as your bratty behavior and good looks.

“That was years ago, I bet her sparrow brain has long since forgotten who you even are. Please pick her up”, Gojo purrs and rubs his head against Nanami’s shoulder.

Nanami signs in defeat. Does he have any choice at all? Hopefully you know about it and there is no nasty surprise…

-later at the airport-

Your bag falls to the ground with a rattle.

“What the actual fuck are you doing here, Sir”, you cry out, eyes covered in sunglasses.

“Your brother said to pick you up from the airport and that you know”, Nanami explains briefly, like it would somehow help curb your upcoming anger.

“That shithead. I just shouldn’t have come at all. Urgh, fine. Just don’t talk to me, idiot”, you snap back and angrily throw your bag in the trunk of the car.

Kento is the last person you want to see and Satoru knows that. Why is he sending him here? He could have moved his lazy ass to pick you up himself. After all, it was him who invited you to his academy in order to help him out.

You demonstratively sit in the back seat and cross your arms in front of your chest, not gifting him a single look. Kento was the first man to ever break your heart – extensively. And you will probably never be able to forgive him for that.

“That should not be a problem”, Nanami mutters to himself and starts the car.

Your eyes pierce through the back of his head. What did he just say?

“Like you’ve got a reason to be mad at me”, you hiss.

“May I remind you that you didn’t even give me the chance to work things out? You just packed your things and left”, Nanami comments dryly and starts the car.

“Like it was ever your intention to fix it.”

“Good that you know better what I thought than me”, he barks back, unusual aroused.

God, you’re still as annoying as back then. Always having the last word, you always think you know better, your overconfidence. It drives him insane. But you still look as good as you did then, like you haven’t aged a second. The only thing that catches is eyes are your now fuller curves and the fact that you cut your hair a little shorter. Well, you are a woman now, all grown up in your twenties.

“You left me completely shattered, asshole. I had no choice but to go. You made me lose faith in love and relationships forever”, you mutter, gaze wandering around the trees outside.

The thought alone runs shivers down your spine. Kento was your first and last love. You never believed a man would upset you like that, even though Satoru is your bigger brother. It hurt like hell for several years. Seeing him now, with his hair styled in a delicious undercut and the sharp lines of his jaw makes your heart ache in agony all over again.

“I sincerely apologize for that. It was never my intention to hurt you like that, (y/n)”, Nanami replies with a soft voice, completely startled by your confession.

He knew you had some rough years. Sometimes he just couldn’t hold back and had to ask Satoru how you were. But hearing from your own mouth how much he hurt you makes his heart sink in his chest.

“Whatever. Leave me alone and focus on driving.”

-at Jujutsu High-

“(y/n), there you are! You have no idea how much I missed you!”, Satoru shouts across the athletic field that separates you both.

Your whole body shakes in anger. That fucking asshole, the cheeky grin on his stupid face says it all. That was pure intention to get on your nerves. Satoru is probably the worst big brother you could wish for.

“I will beat your ass in front of your students, shithead!”, you yell at him and stomp across the square at a frightening speed.

“Who is that?”, Yuji questions and squints his eyes in order to see you better.

“That’s Gojo’s little sister. Be careful, she looks pretty pissed off”, Panda whispers while all pairs of eyes are set on you and Nanami walking behind you at a safe distance.

“Come on, (y/n). Let’s talk abou-“

Satoru isn’t able to finish his sentence as you blow him away with a simple hand movement.

“Pretty stupid to piss off the only person who can breach your sphere”, you hiss through gritted teeth, more than ready to hit him again.

“Oh, how much I missed our little fights. How was your ride? Nanami is an excellent driver”, he keeps digging while dodging your unfocused punches.

“I thought you valued my feelings more.”

The hurt in your voice makes him stop your flying fists in track, you can feel his eyes staring at you behind his blindfold. He knew, of course, that the breakup hurt, but the pain that glitters in your eyes is unknown to him. And the tone of your voice…You were always so confident, so sure of yourself. At the moment, nothing seems to be left of it.

“I would never hurt you on purpose sister. After all these years, I thought you guys-“

“Shut up Satoru, I don’t wanna hear it”, you hiss back and wrench your arms free from his grasp.

“Hey Megumi, how have you been?”, you question over your shoulder.

“I’m alright. Nice that you’re here, you are definitely my favorite Gojo”, Megumi answers with a disparaging look towards Satoru.

“Well, the competition isn’t that big. Excuse me, I’ll bring my stuff in the house. See you later, kids.”

Without giving your brother another look, you stomp towards the sleeping wing, body still trembling in anger. Why is Satoru such a jerk? He knows full well that this breakup has left you completely shattered. It would have been absolutely avoidable to meet Kento here. Instead, he decided to get him to pick you up from the airport and ruin your trip right from start. You don’t want to see his stupid handsome face, the exhausted veil that covers his overworked eyes and his outrageously strong body. Damn, his new undercut really does look good.

“Here is your suitcase, (y/n). Have a nice stay.”

Nanami’s voice behind you makes your blood boil in an instant. Fuck, why can’t he just leave?

“Stop saying my name”, you bark at him while literally ripping open the door to the familiar guest dorm.

“Why can’t you act grown up for once? I’ve always appreciated you, this childish behavior doesn’t suit you at all”, Nanami replies dryly and loudly drops your bags on the floor at the corner of the room.

His words hit you like a wall. In the matter of seconds, he rips open all the wounds you desperately tried to heal over the last years. Has he forgotten what he did to you, why you act this way? Hot tears begin to burn in the corners of your eyes, your throat feels dangerously constricted. No, don’t cry. You’ve never been the type to whine a lot, especially in front of other people. Kento has never seen the tears he caused. Why now, after all these years?

“I gave you everything I had, Kento! I gave you my virginity, my whole fucking heart, you were everything for me this whole time! And after our very first night together you just left, after all the things we’ve been through. The things you threw at me…I will never forget the words you said. You claim you always appreciated me? That sounds like an insult. Don’t you dare to ever judge me again for treating you as badly as you treated be. How’s your girlfriend, huh? Was it worth it to dump me because of her? You fucking idiot, if you talk to me like that again I’ll blow your head off”, you scream into his face at the top of your lungs.

You can’t help but let your feelings out. Fuck, it feels good to finally tell him what you think, to tell him how you felt this whole time. He ripped your heart out of your chest when he informed you about ending things because he met another woman, just after fucking you for the first time. You felt miserably for years, never let another man touch you again. He has some nerves, standing in front of you and blaming you cowardly. Fuck your outburst and your tear-stained cheeks.

“If only you would listen to-“

“GET OUT. NOW”, you yell, whole body trembling in agony and rage.

“I think it’s time to go, Nanami”, Satoru’s unusual serious voice announces in the background.

“I hope that someday we can talk about what happened, (y/n).”

With that, he turns on his heels and leaves the room quietly. As soon as his frame is out of sight, your body gives in. You sink to the floor, hands covering your blood shot orbs while you urgently try to calm yourself down.

“I’m just not interested into you anymore, we should end things right here.”

“That night meant nothing to me.”

“Don’t ever call or text me again.”

You need to get him and his words out of your head, ban them out of your heart. But how do you forget all those nights you snuggled each other to sleep, his sweet words that followed you wherever you went, all those missions you accomplished together. What about the plans you made? What about the trust you gave him? Your shallow, rapid breath hanging dreadfully in the air. You just can’t forget.

“Come on, (y/n). Seeing you like this is killing me”, Satoru sits beside you and gently wraps his arm around his shoulder.

You want to yell at him, tear your body away from his touch, to slap his arm firmly. But you can’t. Your body refuses to move, completely consumed by the feelings you tried so hard to avoid.

“I think you two should talk. Of course I don’t know all the details, but I do know for sure that Nanami isn’t a bad guy. Whatever happened must have a good reason.”

“He left me for another girl, Satoru”, you breathe out.

“You may be the most annoying woman on this earth and I’ll never understand how well you two came along in the first place, but I’d cut off my hand if that’s true.”

“Better cut off your tongue, man…”

“I’m serious, (y/n)”, Satoru’s features are entirely stern, not even a spark of humor gleams in his eyes.

“Nanami may not be a great guy like me but he would have never cheated on you, let alone left you because of it. Talk to him, ask him about it. Must have been something else.”

He straightens himself up again, pouting your head just the way you hate it.

“And now get yourself together. I’ve got a very nice mission for you to go on.”

You stare at his back as he leaves the room, his words still hanging in the air. Satoru knows Kento since he joined Jujutsu High. If he is so sure about his friend…

No. You shake your head vehemently. Even Satoru doesn’t know everything. You would rather die than talk to Kento Nanami ever again.

-the mission-

“Huh, are you finished already? I thought we’d have a little more fun together…”

Fuck fuck fuck.

Your whole body is covered in bruises and your own blood while you stare at the creature in front of you. Who the hell is this guy? And why on earth is he so fucking strong? You are a grade 1 sorcerer, easily able to defeat most curses around. But this one? You stare at his scarred face, grimaced into a dumb grin.

This is something out of your league.

“Send someone here before I croak here, dumbass”, you hiss into your communicator just in time before he hits you again.

His attacks are merciless, almost impossible to block even though he doesn’t use a sphere.

Yet.

You wipe sweat and blood of your forehead. Who knows what this fucker is capable of.

“Ms. Gojo, we are here to help you!”

You can’t believe your ears. Who the hell is this guy waving at you like an idiot? And who the hell is walking next to him…

No. Not in the world. Let it be anyone but Kento Nanami. His blonde hair waves through the air while he forces himself onto the scar head, distracting him from your very own self before he hits you full force.

Nanami. What is he doing here? Thick anger crawls up your veins. Yes, you ask for help. But not from Nanami and some random jujutsu sorcerer.

“I thought Satoru would come here himself. This is nothing to joke around”, you bark at Kento.

Just as you want to turn away, a scorching pain radiates from your leg and takes your breath. Fuck, where does that come from?

“Oh, you’re injured!”

Your heart sinks into your chest, palms covered in nothing but your own blood and met by a giant gash in your thigh. When did this happen? This asshole has hit you so many times that you probably didn’t even notice it in your adrenaline rush.

This is bad. Very very bad. Even though he didn’t hit you critically, the amount of blood that runs down your leg is enough for you to know that you might bleed out if you won’t get any help.

“Are you alright?”

His tall frame lingers over you before you are able to stop him, kneeling down in front of you to take a look at your wound.

“Leave me alone-“

“This is serious. You might die, (y/n). I can’t afford to lose you.”

Like in trance you stare down at him, his words repeating themselves over and over in your head while your heart hammers against your chest.

“I can’t afford to lose you.”

“Why did you leave me, then?”

“Not now, (y/n). Yuji, stand your ground as long as possible. I need to escort (y/n) out of the curtain.”

“Gotcha!”

You slap his hands away, whole body trembling in…what? Anger, fear, agony? Maybe everything at once, you aren’t sure. His brown eyes dart towards you immediately.

“I’m trying to help you”, he comments dryly.

“This injury is nothing against the pain you caused me years ago.”

Your cruel words hit him like a wall. For a moment he can only stare at you, the way your striking blue orbs begin to glister and that look of distress on your beautiful face. No, you didn’t deserve what he did to you back then. You deserved so much better. But still…

“I did it for you.”

The words escape his mouth before he is able to stop himself.

“Oh, so traumatizing me was best for me? Wow, thank you so much for your help then. Maybe I should-“

“I saw what can happen. I saw what can happen when Yu died in front of my very own eyes. And I swore to myself to never let anything like that happen to you. I hoped you would quit being a jujutsu sorcerer, that hurting you enough would make you leave Jujutsu High for good, that you’d find a nice job. That you’d be safe.”

You stare at him through wet lashes, brain desperately trying to make sense out of his words. He can’t be serious, right? This can’t possibly be the reason why he left you.

But his eyes don’t lie. No, they never did.

“So you…you didn’t cheat on me?” you breathe out.

Fuck, you hate the way tears start to pool your eyes and how your whole body begins to tremble in emotion. All these years, all these horrible years you thought you meant nothing to Kento, that he ended your relationship because of another woman. All the things he said to you…They never left your head, always present in the following years.

You thought you weren’t good enough for him.

“I would have never cheated on you. But this was the only way to make you believe that I didn’t have any feelings for you.”

“Did you?”

You stare down at him, time standing still. All these wasted years of thinking you aren’t good enough. All these years you loved this man so much that you never let another man touch you. All these years of grieving his touch, of imagining him while touching yourself, of crying yourself to sleep instead of laying in his strong arms.

All this time. Can it really be fake?

“I never stopped loving you.”

Maybe it’s because of your blood loss or because your entire world turned upside down, but your knees give in, making you sink onto the floor if it wasn’t for Kento’s arms that catch you just in time.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

With fast steps he crosses the battlefield, eyes set on you from time to time. You still can’t believe it, everything seems like a dream that you’ve had multiple times before. He loves you. Nanami Kento just told you that he still loves you. After all these years of pretending he doesn’t care and breaking your heart.

“I wish you would have told me”, you mumble against his chest.

“I wish you would have told me the real reason. I would’ve understood, especially because I know how hard it was for you.”

“I realized how wrong this decision was. But every time we’ve met you were so distant, not even willing to talk a single word to me. I never had the chance to make up”, he explains briefly.

“You said you cheated on me”, you remind him weakly.

“I would have never cheated on you. Since you’ve been gone, I never touched another woman.”

You look up at him through wet lashes, the way his jawline is so tensed up that it might snap any minute. The urge to let your fingertips brush over his chest just like back then seems so unbearable all of the sudden. God, how much you loved caressing his soft skin, the scars that even then decorated his whole body. How does he look now? He definitely got older, aged like fine wine. You want to stop yourself from looking at him, from grieving his touch. After all he lied to you, he shattered your heart instead of just telling you the truth. Yes, he doesn’t deserve your forgiveness so easily for how he lied into your face this whole time. But still…

“Would you mind…Holding my hand?” you ask all of the sudden.

Nanami’s heart almost beats out of his chest, the way you look at him simply takes his breath away. He would have expected anything, but not this. No, this doesn’t suit your hot-tempered personality at all. Never in his life did he think that you would ask him to hold you hand after all the things he did to you, after he hurt you this badly. But who is he to resist your vibrant eyes, especially when you’re feeling unwell?

“Of course…” he stutters.

When his fingertips gently intertwine with yours, you feel as if he fired a firework inside you. God, how much you missed this. How much you missed him.

You allow your tired eyes to rest for a minute, whole body suddenly feelings so numb and light. Maybe all of this is just a dream and you’ll wake up any minute. But until then…

You want to hold his hand just like back then.

“But don’t think I’ll forgive you this easily”, you mutter weakly.

“This wouldn’t suit you at all”, he replies.

And for the first time in years, Kento Nanami is able to grin again. Because he finally confessed to the love of his life, because you’re laying here in his arm while holding his hand.

Everything will work out eventually.

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papakhan · 7 months

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The Great Khans have melted my brain, they're such an interesting group and I love their aesthetic! I'm low-key collecting headcanons from the fandom and my own to fit my own lore of New Vegas and I'd like to ask your opinion. How would you best describe Regis and Chance's personalities? I wonder what particularly Chance was like before Bitter Springs. As wild as Jessup, or more calm and powerful like Melissa? Was he just as quiet? I'm so sad that we'll never know (in canon, at least)

oh my god this has been in my wips for sooo long I'm so sorry. I'll do my best

Regis and Chance are some of my favourite characters and tbh do fulfil the similar kind of niche! They're both big, imposing melee-focused characters who struggle somewhat with communication and are both feared by their allies but also a lot smarter and more caring than they first appear. TBH I ADORE this trope but Regis and Chance are very very different guys at their core

Regis is more fleshed out in my mind (headcanon wise) so I'll start with him. I have said this many times but I believe in the deepest depths of my soul that Regis is autistic and some of his traits coming from that is having a very flat tone of voice and finding it difficult to control his volume. He comes across as kind of stiff or off-putting without really meaning to, also his main job is the Khan's chief law enforcer and I think he puts a lot of effort into keeping his emotions in check as to not get the better of him when making choices.

Under all that he's actually a very chill guy, very difficult to rattle or rile up. He's the matching pair to Papa Khan who can and will get emotional and fly off the handles very quickly. And none of this is to say Regis is void of emotions or totally stoic, he obviously cares for Papa and the other advisors a lot by how sweetly he talks about all of them, and is pretty sensitive to all their needs, especially Papa Khan's emotional state. Plus he gets really snarky with couriers who dismiss his advice about talking to Papa, like you can practically hear him rolling his eyes at you. i love him. To summarise I would call Regis straight-laced and sensitive. and gay

Chance, on the other hand, is almost the opposite of Regis. I don't really think Regis is a quiet guy, I think he's just choosey about what he says and who he says it to. Chance is the way he is due to trauma, which makes him withdrawn and despondent. He communicates in small ways that a lot of people tend to miss if they don't know him so well. Chance is also a very emotionally driven guy, and I think he always has been, which again puts him at opposites with Regis. Regis wants to step back and think while Chance wants to charge in. However that doesn't mean Chance is totally reckless, he's very direct and thoughtful when he needs to be, like when he carves the map of the Mojave or whenever Benny talks to him. I think the way we see him in All Roads is an exception, especially as its in the tail-end of a downward spiral that results in his suicide. I think more often he's like how he is at the start of the comic. Where he kinda flipflops between being aimless and focused, distant and direct. that's the trauma for you tho, I guess

Pre-Bittersprings ive discussed before back here and Here! since this has gotten so long already :') thanks for the ask

#txt #regis #chance

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cutiecorner · 2 years

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Do you have any babyspace Bruce headcanons? (With caregiver Clark of course)

Of course!! I absolutely adore babyspace Bruce, probably my favorite space for him 🥺 💕 here's some headcanons!

This is one I've been rotating in my brain forever now lol - for a year or two after the incident in his childhood, Bruce was selectively mute. He had a lot of trouble communicating with and even around strangers, so he actually learned a little sign language. Only a few things, but enough that he can still use it to communicate while he's too little to talk!

This lil guy goes coocoo bananas for vanilla milk specifically, especially when warm. He loooves bottles because it gets to focus on doing a task. He can usually hold it by himself but if he's sleepy he'll happily let someone else feed him

He goes through pacis really fast because he usually chews through them lol. He grinds his teeth or chews his nails regularly in life, so he does the same to pacifiers.

He loves being rocked and bobbed up and down by Clark, especially when he floats. It puts Bruce right to bed, even when that's not the intention lol.

Though honestly he doesn't really need to be rocked (well he does, emotionally it's a MUST) because he falls asleep at random times. He just decides "alright nap now" and sleeps wherever he is or wherever looks comfortable. Up to and including on the dog bed, in the batmobile, on Clark, so on and so forth

In the same vein, if he's in the dark he's asleep. Clark will try to peekaboo with him by covering him with a blanket but when he pulls it back he's already out cold

He has a special lamb lovie :) it's one of those that's half plush half blanket with a little rattle in the head, and it's ancient. Her name is Dr. Lambsley, Clark, she didn't go thru 5 years of medschool to be a miss-

He's kind of a cat, because he'll knock stuff out of his way if he decides it's baby time. Reading a book? Not anymore. Cooking? More like cuddling

He loves to be read to sooo so much. He tolerates baby books but he more likes high collar stuff like Shakespeare or Vernes or whatever. He wants to be read to for a very long time, understanding the words is an afterthought

The one children's book he really loves is Gulliver's Travels! Though he does begrudgingly come to enjoy Clark's favorite baby books, because he does silly voices

#agere #fandom agere #agere fandom #agere headcanons #dc agere #batman agere #superman agere

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unfortunate17 · 9 months

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Ooo so what fics have you been imagining exactly??

Right now, I’ve gone down the Wilmon/Young Royals hole when it comes to fics so that’s what I’ll talk about here. There are SO MANY things I want to write/read in this fandom, but some of the headcanons have been stronger than others and there’s too many for them all to be written. Anyway, without further ado:

1. I want to explore how Wilmon’s sexual dynamic changes after the video gets published. This fic would be canon compliant and take place after a lot of the events of the series have shaken out and Wilmon finally have the chance to just be. Except now they have so much time and sometimes, when you have a lot of time, things Simon’s been ignoring start to come out of the woodwork. Namely - everyone on the internet has seen him have sex. When the video first came out, while Wilhelm totally shut out the world, I want Simon to have watched it back over and over and over again, picking himself apart and drowning in the embarrassment and regret of it all. I want it so that he feels exposed now whenever he’s intimate, doesn’t want Wilhelm to get him off, doesn't want Wilhelm to even look at him, wants to be in control, and is deeply, deeply unhappy. I have this vision of the ending where Simon would finally relax again, allow himself to be vulnerable, and Wilhelm would take over with a kind of there you are, I’ve got you kind of vibe.

2. Another exploration of Simon’s arc as Wilhelm grows out of his anxiety with the support of therapy and age and friends/family. I have this line rattling around in my brain: Simon has always held a fundamental belief that Wilhelm’s hurt runs deeper than his own, that his pain is somehow more important than his own. Throughout the series, Simon takes great pride in being able to take care of or protect people, often to his own detriment. He likes being needed. And I don’t think he truly understands the difference between being needed and being wanted. As Wilhelm starts to stand on his own feet and rely less and less on Simon for emotional stability, I want Simon to feel the conflicted horror of realizing that he doesn’t want Wilhelm to get better - because what if he doesn’t need Simon anymore then? What purpose would he have in Wilhelm’s life? What if he is unwanted?

3. (I think I’m going to write this next maybe): Wilhelm is a student at Hillerska, a secretive, expensive boarding school for mutant teenagers, loosely based off of the X-Men comics. I want him to have Storm’s powers of controlling the weather/having the weather reflect his mood. While he’s at Hillerska, he meets Simon, who has seemingly no powers. Mutants are a secret to the rest of the world, and Simon says he’s basically only there because his sister is a mutant (she can talk to animals) and it would be safer for the sake of the secret and if they both boarded at Hillerska. Wille has never seen such an exception made, but he’s not about to question it because he fucking adores having Simon around. They fall for eachother slowly but surely, but Simon keeps pulling away, like he’s afraid. Long story short, Simon does have a power - a very rare one - hint hint, Rogue is my favorite character.

4. (Or maybe I’ll finish this one first instead of the super hero one) I want a fic mainly just for the dynamic of Simon getting a whiplash of Wille’s personality HAHA and I’ve never written an office romance before sooo. Wilhelm would be in some position of corporate power, a senior partner at some firm, a director somewhere etc. And he definitely only got this position because of his family connections. While he’s good at his job, he’s a little too young and a little too inexperienced to have actually worked his way up there. Simon joins in an entry-level position and he’s shocked to learn that his skip level leader is his age but when the CEO says that Wille is her son, it all starts to come together. It also doesn’t help that Wilhelm is a bit detached and uncaring as a people leader but Simon doesn’t have room to complain, he really needs to keep this job so he shuts his mouth and puts his head down. His manager, August, might potentially be worse than Simon - he keeps taking credit for other people’s work and while Simon often takes no shit, again he really needs this fucking job. Eventually, one day, Wilhelm comes over to speak to him and to Simon’s shock, he asks him out. All of Simon’s friends tell Simon not to go, that Wille is likely just using him, but Simon is too fucking curious for his own good and Wille’s easy on the eyes so he does - and it turns out that Wilhelm is actually the nicest person ever? LOL

5. (this is not going to be like, irl accurate but idc) A really angsty/melo-dramatic fic that’s summed up with: If this is their happily ever after, why aren’t they happy? I want Wilmon to be married, but for Wilhelm to remain Crown Prince. Simon absolutely loathes royal life, but he loves Wilhelm. And Wilhelm still feels a strong sense of guilt induced duty, especially now that he’s been allowed to keep Simon at his side. Still, some days he feels as though he can barely bear it. One day, they have a blow-up argument about something trivially silly and Simon goes back to his mom’s house for a few weeks to cool off. He tells Wille that he needs to reevaluate their relationship and their priorities and Wilhelm doesn’t think he’s ever been as cold as he is at that moment. The main problem is that the things that Simon hates about their life cannot be fixed - whether or not Wilhelm abdicates, he will be hounded for the rest of his life, he will never be allowed to live in a normal apartment, he will always need to have security, and the press will only become more invasive. Simon had once said that Wilhelm was worth it, but now Wilhelm’s not so sure that Simon means it anymore. Security follows Simon back to Bjarstad, where unbeknownst to Simon, they keep sending Wilhelm updates on his whereabouts and doings. Wilhelm wants them to stop, but he also misses Simon like a missing limb, so he doesn’t say anything even if he knows it's wrong. Pretty soon, Wille is looking at pictures of Simon laughing in restaurants and playing soccer out on the old field and volunteering at the local church. And despite all the benefits of Wilhelm’s wealth and power and privilege that they both have enjoyed over the years, the sentiment that Wilhelm has ruined Simon’s life has never felt more real.

#honestly there’s MORE #ty for asking though I love love talking about fic #ask

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be-the-creature-fan · 2 years

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Wild Kratts Season 2.

Review

One sentence review (1 being the worse - 10 being a masters piece) Hope you enjoy :)

Bad Hair Day: It was an alright start to Season 2 but why did the WK crew leave the paint on the lion cubs for that long? 7/10

Race for the Hippo Disc: I'M SORRY BUT CHRIS SHOULD HAVE JUST LET ZACH DIE, it would have solved so many problems in future episodes (sorry zach fans) 8/10

Creature Power Challenge: Zachs drawings were hilarious but not as funny as Jimmy and Zach's conversation also acorn powers return (this whole episode wouldn't have happened if Zach was offed in the previous episode) 7/10

Neck and Neck: All I can think about is what would Martin's life have been like if they weren't able to fix the problem and how technically chronologically you can take off the suit at any time sooo.... ._. (6/10)

Happy Turkey Day: Chris and the WK kids trolling Gormond is pretty funny also R.I.P Martin's tail feathers. (8/10)

Termites v.s Tongues: This episode was overplayed on my local pbs station but the moment when Chris thought he was too late in saving was very heartwarming (but why did Koki and Aviva scream "help me" like that?) (4/10)

Bugs or Monkeys: I just love how when Chris looses Martin he's just like "Oh no Martin is gone ._. But when Chris is lost, Martin be like

Also Martin with Grabsy are some of the best moments in the show (9/10)

Secrets of the Spiders Web: Donita creates a spider sweatshop, you know for kids ( and why did the WK crew send the fabric to Donita? She doesn't deserve it.) (7/10)

Shadow the Black Jaguar: (One of my personal favorite episodes because Jaguars are my favorite animals) The Jaguar CPS suit should be used more often if it's capable of turning into a Shadow like that. (10/10)

To Touch a Hummingbird: insert gif from THAT one scene (10/10) (Martin's trumpet 4th wall break was also great)

Rainforest Stew: Martin's Gormond voice is spot on, Chris sounds ummm... bizarre with sloth powers, but is it concerning that Gormond knows what the Kratt Brothers smell like? (7/10)

Seahorse Rodeo: Martin having an awkward conversation with Donita while Chris dies from 2nd hand embarrassment never fails to make me laugh. Also poor Dabio (9/10)

Speaking Dophinese: The dolphins were pretty cute but beef stems from them having a full episode of them saying Sharks are not the bad guys, but then in this episode they make a Shark the bad guy. (6/10)

Aqua Frog: Those Frog CPS are lowkey cursed and WHY didn't the WK Crew review Zach's invention journal? (F-f-f-frog/10)

Tortuga Tune Up: Robbed of a freshwater turtle episode just because Jimmy wanted to SEE TURTLES, though the shark chewing sound effect was very satisfying for me and I don't know why. (8/10)

Blowfish Blowout: I loved the water balloon fight intro and how it connects to the final battle, also poor Martin and Dabio. (9/10)

Snow Runners: Spends the majority of the episode thinking that we were getting our first Hare CPS then Aviva going JK and making a Lynx CPS for Martin and makes Chris suffer in a basilisk CPS while wearing Santa hat and bunny costume then almost getting his bucket kicked by a Lynx, I love it. (8/10)

Road Runners: An amazing homage to the Roadrunner and Coyote cartoons and HOLY CRAP! how did they not die from that fall? (10/10)

Rocket Jaw Rescuer of the Reef: How is Donita on the same intelligence level as Zach? (7/10)

Attack of the Tree Eating Aliens: Chris has a voice crack and gets his brain rattled while Martin chases himself. (10/10)

Rattlesnake Crystal: Jimmy almost kills the Tortuga and not gonna lie I was on the edge of my seat during the climax, and Chris almost dies. (7/10)

Skunked: HOW IN THE CREATURE WORLD CAN JIMMY MISTAKE A SKUNK FOR A CAT?! But to be fair how he was interacting with the skunk was very cute, also Zach loves tomato soup the more you know. (8/10)

Gilla Monster Under My House: WHY is Zach spying in on Children?! Also why did the WK Crew help Zach out again? (7/10)

Desert Elves: Chris' being a drama queen?!? I'm all for it (10/10)

Groundhog Wake Up Call: Finally someone mentions the dangers of deactivaing a CPS at the wrong time, also Groundhog Creature Powers lowkey sucks. (7/10)

Journey into the Subnivian Zone: Aviva and Koki destroys a habitat, R.I.P Freezy (8/10)

#wild kratts #kratt brothers #chris kratt #martin kratt #why am i doing this #please help me

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mermaid-trash · 2 years

Note

the riddler finding his childhood best friend (and love) after they were forced to be apart( she was adopted by these awful people and never trusted another person ever again) and when they find each other it's just heart eyes and undying love!!!!

Soulmates

A/n: sooo this has taken a while to write, but it's pretty huge by my standards so I hope you enjoy 💚

Wordcount: 5k~ish

Warnings: descriptions of childhood abuse, Eddie may be slightly ooc but I did my best 😭 should be GN!reader, let me know if there are any bits that you think should be changed to be more inclusive 💚

Today had been a rough day, long and unrelenting. The type of day where by the end, all you wanted was to go home to be alone and drown your sorrows in a large glass of wine. But first, you were forced to endure the subway journey across the city during rush hour, which was definitely not your idea of fun.

With every sway and rattle of the car, the crowd of passengers surrounding you was jostled, causing elbows to jab into your back and feet to step on yours. You kept a tight grip on your handbag in case anyone tried to snatch it from your shoulder, as was typical in Gotham, and stared at the small patch of grimy floor visible between your shoes to avoid being dragged into exhausting small-talk with another passenger. All you wanted was to get home as quickly and painlessly as possible.

When the train pulled into a station, some passengers began pushing through the crowd towards the doors, thankfully leaving a little extra room in their wake. Just as the train was slowly beginning to slide out of the station, a woman further up the car shifted to one side momentarily, and behind her was a face that you had all but forgotten, a ghost from your childhood. The sight took the breath out of your lungs, and you stared at him, slack-jawed.

Though it had been some years since you had seen him, you would recognise Edward’s face anywhere. That sloping nose, those round cheeks, that chin dimple, and those green eyes hidden behind thick glasses that you had always loved. It was as though the past 15 years had never happened, as though you were still the same teenager that had left the orphanage, and he was still the same Edward that you had left behind. The guilt you felt kept your gaze glued to his unaware face, you though that if you looked away he would disappear or it would turn out to be a hopeful mirage conjured by your tired brain.

You blinked, and when your eyes opened, he was still there, and you realised that your Edward was sitting just feet away from you. It was really him, he was right there, yet you were frozen in place, too shocked to move, to go up to him, to talk to him.

Then, Edward must have felt your eyes on him, as his head swivelled towards you. You didn’t look away in time, and when his green eyes met yours you saw the look of recognition cross his features, and watched it meld into a look of utter shock that you were sure mirrored yours.

————————————————————

It was a cold day in Gotham; the beginnings of winter had infiltrated the city, lending every breeze an icy chill that had permeated Gotham Orphanage with ease, assisted by the cracked windows and empty hallways that never seemed to hold any warmth.

The floor of the bedroom you shared with a dozen other children was cold and uncomfortable, yet there you sat, your body crammed into the small space between a wardrobe and the wall. Your grazed knees were pulled tight to your chest, and the sound of your heart-wrenching sobs filled the room.

This was often where you found yourself after receiving a punishment from the nuns, and today was no exception. The backs of your thighs ached and stung with the wounds inflicted with a wooden ruler, a sensation that you remembered in adulthood despite forgetting why you had received the punishments in the first place.

Your childish mind felt fit to burst with angsty thoughts of disappearing, escaping the orphanage and running away to live somewhere no one could hurt you.

Somewhere across the room, then, you heard shuffling, and your head shot up to glare at whoever it was.

Standing in the doorway, was a small boy, small and fragile-looking, with floppy, sandy blond hair and thick glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. He was staring at you with terrified, wide eyes, and clutching a battered paperback book to his chest. You recognised him from around the orphanage, you knew that his name was Edward and that some of the meaner kids called him ‘Ed-weird’, which you thought was not only rude, but also uninventive.

“What do you want?” You snapped, with a small sniffle. Your voice was nasally and thick with tears, and the boy hesitated in the doorway, glancing down the hall, before stepping into the room slowly.

“Leave me alone.” You said in an attempt to sound angrier than you truly felt. Edward didn’t respond again, but continued to advance into the room, weaving between the many beds to reach where you were curled up on the floor.

“I said, leave me alone!” You said again, slightly louder this time, but your voice wavered at the end, and you felt your restraint crumbling as hot tears prickled at the corners of your eyes.

“I heard what happened.” The boy mumbled when he finally stood in front of you, his eyes not quite meeting yours but instead staring at his own feet. Stubbornly, you raised your chin and glared at him harshly.

“Nothing happened.” You retorted, though you knew it was pointless to deny it. Everyone knew when someone was being punished for something, the gossip spread like wildfire among the kids here.

Edward paused then, before slowly lowering himself to the ground until he sat crosslegged in front of you. The only sounds in the room were your quiet sniffles and the distant chatter of other children.

“It belongs to you, but others use it more. What is it?” Edward said, his voice quiet, barely above a murmur. Your brow furrowed in confusion and vague annoyance.

“What?” You asked, but before Edward could repeat himself, you realised what he had asked you. “Oh, a riddle?”

Edward nodded slightly, looking at you over the frames of his glasses which had slipped down his nose. You pondered the puzzle for a moment, before it came to you.

“Your name?” You asked, and Edward’s face split into a giddy grin, and he nodded again. You thought the way his hair flopped against his forehead with the movement was so endearing, you’d perhaps even find it cute if you didn’t still think boys were icky. He looked at you expectantly still, and you realised what he’s waiting for. “Oh, I’m [Y/N].”

Edward’s lips formed your name in a silent whisper, and he looked at you with less trepidation.

“I’m Edward.” He said quietly, and you nodded.

“I know.” You replied, and when Edward looked surprised, you explained, “I’ve seen you around before. Heard what some of the other kids say to you, they can be really mean.”

With that, his expression shifted to one of embarrassment, and he averted his gaze as a blush steadily crept up his neck. He didn’t respond, and you hoped that he knew you hadn’t been trying to upset him, you were just trying to sympathise with him.

“I hate it here.” You spat out suddenly, causing Edward to stare at you once more in shock. “Everyone’s so awful, the sisters and the kids. One day, I’m gonna get out, and run away somewhere. Somewhere I can do whatever I want, and no one can make me sad anymore.”

Edward watched you speak, captivated, and you suddenly found yourself grateful for his presence and willingness to listen to you rant, despite your earlier annoyance.

“And you can come too,” You added, and you giggled at Edward’s stunned reaction. “If you want to, that is.”

“Really?” He croaked, and you felt a surge of protectiveness for this boy you barely knew. Anytime you saw him around, he was either alone or getting viciously bullied. You had never seen him with friends; you supposed he was as lonely as you were in the orphanage.

“If you don’t keep me, I’ll break. What am I?” Edward’s eyes lit up at your question, and he answered quickly, as though he had already heard that particular riddle.

“A promise.” He breathed, his forest green eyes wide and fixed on your face.

“I promise, one day I’ll get out of here and I’ll let you come with me. We’ll move into a house somewhere outside the city, somewhere quiet.” You continued, and Edward nodded along, allowing himself to be drawn into your fantasy.

Then, a gust of icy air entered the room, and you both shivered involuntarily. Almost subconsciously, you shuffled over until you were pressed against the wall, and patted the small space beside you, gesturing for Edward to squeeze in. Hesitantly, he obeyed, shifting in the narrow gap until he was comfortable, and you basked in the warmth of your new friend.

————————————————————

Staring across the car into those painfully familiar green eyes, you were frozen in place, unsure of how to react. Edward seemed to be in the same position, unable to move from shock. Even if you were able to move, you had no idea what you would even say to your childhood best friend after so many years apart. And, more importantly, you had no idea if he would even want to speak to you again. He had been so angry that day you left, and you had broken so many of your promises to him, you half-expected him to have hated you for all these years. Yet still there was a part of you that was jumping with joy, too ecstatic to see Edward to allow that to stop you from at least trying to speak to him.

Mindlessly your feet had begun to carry you across the train until you stood directly in front of Edward. Suddenly, standing so close to him with his panicked stare fixed on you, your mouth ran dry and heart thudded quickly against your ribs.

“Eddie?” You managed to croak out finally.

“Y/N.” Edward breathed, and your heart leapt at the sound of his voice. Silence hung heavily in the air between you as you both searched for words to bridge the gap that had grown over years apart.

“You’re…still in Gotham?” You asked tentatively, remembering the little boy that wanted nothing more than to leave the city behind.

Edward nodded, his wild eyes never leaving your face or even blinking, as though you might disappear again if he looked away.

Another slightly awkward silence settled, before Edward spoke, the words tumbling from his lips uncontrollably.

“I saw you on the news, with them. You looked happy.”

A furrow appeared in your brow and you looked down to your feet. Of course, Edward believed that you had had a perfect life since leaving the orphanage, the whole city did. The family that had adopted you were public figures in Gotham, and had an image to uphold; together, you were the perfect family, happy faces and expensive clothes. But no one knew what that manor had truly been like, when the photo opportunity was over and the journalists had left.

“I haven’t lived with them for a while now.” You chose your response carefully, unwilling to say much more in a crowded train carriage.

Edward only nodded again with that familiar curious look on his face, the one he got when he found a particularly difficult puzzle.

“I did try to write to you.” You blurted out suddenly, feeling your cheeks warm at the abrupt confession. “I tried, but…things were difficult. I’m sorry.”

It was a rather pathetic attempt to make up for the years of last contact that were entirely your fault, but you felt that Edward deserved an explanation, no matter how vague it was.

“I tried to visit, once I left the orphanage, but they wouldn’t let me.” Edward explained, and you felt a twist of anger in your stomach. “I kept calling and visiting, but they told me you were busy. I thought y-you…I thought you didn’t want to see me.”

Edward looked away from you, and your heart broke. Those people had never told you that Edward had visited, in fact, they had taunted you about the fact that he hadn’t visited. That familiar feeling of rage simmered deep inside as you thought about a teenaged Edward, desperately trying to find you and being turned away every time.

“Eddie,” You said quietly, and he looked back at you immediately. “I did want to see you. I didn’t know you visited, they were…I’m sorry.”

For a long moment Edward searched your face for deception, and you wished you could allow him access to your every thought, let him rifle through the memories himself to find the truth. That would certainly be easier than having to tell him yourself. Then, he nodded, choosing to accept your words, and you let out a breath of relief.

The train shuddered as it pulled into the next station. When the voice on the tannoy announced it as your stop, your heart sank. You didn’t care about going home anymore, not when Edward was sitting here on this train. The doors to the platform slid open, and as other passengers started to file out, Edward rose to his feet nervously.

“T-this is, uh, my stop.” He explained, a rosy tint to his cheeks and apologetic look in his eyes. Slowly, a grin spread across your face.

“Mine too. Walk with me?” You suggested. Edward’s eyes widened and he nodded frantically.

As you left the carriage together, you couldn’t help but feel like those years apart had never truly happened.

————————————————————

Once again, you were sitting on the cold floor of your bedroom in Gotham Orphanage. Across the room, on your old metal-framed bed, was a battered old suitcase containing all of your possessions, locked and ready to leave. But you weren’t ready to leave, because the suitcase of belongings wasn’t what you wanted to take with you.

You were sitting in the small space between the wardrobe and wall again, where you had become friends with Edward several years before. This small spot in the bedroom had become a safe place for you both over the years; whenever something was wrong, whether Edward had been attacked by the bullies that couldn’t seem to let him be, or you had been punished by the nuns for what they considered heinous deeds, you both knew you could always find the other in your spot.

Sure enough, as you hugged your knees and stared despondently at a small piece of lint caught on an old floorboard, you heard familiar footsteps echoing down the hallway. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Edward round the corner and freeze in the doorway.

“What are you still doing here?” He asked, his voice low and cold.

Glancing at him, you saw his hands stuffed deep into his pockets and his gaze fixed on the floor in front of him. He had barely spoken to you all day, even at breakfast he had eaten in silence and left before you were finished without a word.

“Just finished packing.” You lied. Edward glanced up at the suitcase lying on your bed, then at you, before humming in acknowledgement of your response.

“Well, they’re downstairs now. You’d better go.” He said, and turned to leave, but before he could walk away you had risen to your feet.

“Wait, Eddie!” You called as he froze in the doorway. His body was turned away from you and his head hung low, with his fists clenched into tight, shaking balls by his sides.

“What?” He mumbled, still refusing to look at you. With a huff, you grabbed his shoulders and forcibly spun him round, forcing him to face you.

When his eyes met yours, you noticed the redness around them, and your hands dropped from his shoulders to hang limply by your side. You realised that you had no idea what to say to him. You knew as well as he did that this could be the last time you would ever see each other, and that reality was suddenly too much to handle.

“I don’t want to go.” You whispered, your voice cracking and tears pooling in your eyes. Edward swallowed thickly and one of his hands clasped yours gently, his slender fingers threading between yours as his thumb rubbed over your knuckles. “Not without you.”

You remembered your very first conversation with Edward, where you had promised him that he could come with you when you escaped, but that wasn’t the only reason that leaving him hurt so much; as your friendship with him had grown over the years, so too had your affection for the small, timid, bespectacled boy. The proud smile he gave when you solved one of his many riddles made your head spin, the sound of his voice soothed you and you found yourself hanging on his every word, so fascinated with his vast knowledge and impossibly quick brain.

Unfortunately, it was only after you had been informed that you were being adopted that you came to the realisation, alone in your bed one night and unable to sleep, that you were in love with your best friend. Then, you reasoned it was too late to tell him - the last thing you wanted to do was drop that bombshell on him then disappear from his life. So you had kept it to yourself ever since.

When tears began to spill from your eyes, Edward’s head dropped low again and he let out a shaky breath.

“I know.” He said, his voice strained with the effort it took to remain calm. “I’m sorry. But I promise I’ll be out of here in a year, and I’ll find you.”

You nodded, of course you knew that Eddie would do everything he could to find you, but silent tears were still streaming down your face. The thought of a year without him was unbearable, he had always been there to talk to, to calm you after nightmares and dry your tears after yet another beating, you just couldn’t imagine doing those things with the family that had chosen you. Furthermore, you had looked after Eddie in all the same ways, along with sticking up for him against the other bullheaded teenagers in this place when he refused to do it himself, but now you were leaving him on his own and even the knowledge that it was only for a year didn’t ease your worries much; you knew from experience that the years in Gotham Orphanage only seemed to get more and more difficult.

“You should be happy, you know.” Edward reminded you in that obnoxious know-it-all tone he used sometimes, though you could hear his voice wavering slightly with unshed tears. “You’re getting out, that’s what you always wanted.”

You choked out something between a sob and a laugh, and Edward’s grip on your hand tightened soothingly.

“Not anymore, not like this.” You manage to croak out before what little restraint you had snapped, and you started to cry proper, collapsing against Edward’s thin frame as your body shook with the force of your sobs. “I f-feel…so, s-selfish!” You hiccuped against his chest as slender arms tentatively wrapped around you, holding you against his chest as he buried his face into your hair, shushing you softly.

For a while you stayed like that, wrapped in each others arms and gently crying. Even when the tears stopped falling, neither of you moved to break the embrace, preferring to bask in this last moment a while longer. When you did pull away at last, Edward fixed you with an intensely serious look that froze you in place.

“Promise me that you’ll write?” He demanded, his hands gripping yours tight. Stunned, you nodded.

“Of course, I will.” You said, and his gaze softened. “I’ll write every week, I promise.”

Edward nodded, satisfied, and his hands dropped from yours as he took a step back from you.

“Well, you’d better go before they start to think you’re hiding in one of the wardrobes again, like you used to.” He joked, and you laughed.

“I only stopped because I couldn’t fit in there anymore.” You responded truthfully, and Edward breathed out a light chuckle.

With a sigh, you reluctantly picked up your suitcase, and left the bedroom without a second glance, leaving Edward lingering in the doorway and watching you walk away. You made your way down the hallway, drying your face on the sleeve of your jumper as you went, until Edward called out, causing you to halt.

“Wait, wait! Before you go,” He started, striding towards you purposefully. When your eyes met his, you found in them the same look you often gave him, a wistful stare that made your heart falter. “I, uh, I just want to say…”

His voice trailed off as you stared back at him, your heart pounding in anticipation of his next words, for you were so sure that they would be confirmation that he felt the same way you did. But then, Edward seemed to wilt slightly, his shoulders slumped and his hands fidgeted in front of him.

“Don’t forget to encrypt your letters.” He said flatly, and you felt as though he had punched you square in the chest. “Do you remember our cypher?”

“Yes.” You choked out through the lump that had formed in your throat. Without waiting for his response, you turned back and continued down the cold hallway.

You were so certain he felt the same. You felt so stupid, realising that you should have told him how you felt the moment you had figured it out, you should have woken him up and told him right then so that you never had to miss out on a single moment with him.

Maybe you’ll put that in your first letter.

————————————————————

“So, what do you do now?” You asked, wrapping your hands around the steaming mug of coffee before bringing it to your lips for a sip.

The coffee shop you and Edward had stopped in was just a few blocks from your apartment, and it was a place that you visited frequently. The coffee was good, the seats were comfortable, and the low ambient noise made it the ideal place to read or people-watch. Now, with Edward’s presence, it felt even more homey.

“I work at KTMJ, as a forensic accountant.” Edward said, pouring sachets of sugar into his coffee two at a time. You smiled softly; you had forgotten about Edward’s sweet tooth.

“Wait, you’re telling me you solve puzzles and catch bad guys for work?” You asked incredulously. “That’s, like, the ideal job for you.”

Edward huffed a small breath of annoyance at that.

“I don’t catch many bad guys.” He said with a hint of bitterness. “Not the real bad guys, at least. The little guys I investigate don’t matter, but the big names are protected. They can be as evil, as corrupt, as they want to be, and no one can stop them.”

You nodded thoughtfully, watching him stir his coffee with a small wooden stirrer.

“I get it. Every bad person needs a good person to protect them. It makes you wonder who the real bad guys are.” You offered wisely, taking another sip of coffee. Edward tilted his head curiously.

“What about you, what do you do for work?” He asked, and took a sip of his own.

“Oh, I’m a teacher at Gotham Kindergarten,” You say, leaning back in our chair with a soft smile on your lips. “And let me tell you, the kids I teach are as evil and corrupt as they get. Today, Jason punched Anthony because Maya stole his pen.”

Edward let out a loud giggle at that, and immediately his cheeks took on a rosy tint. You hid your grin behind the coffee cup.

“Poor Anthony.” Edward shook his head as a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

“Don’t let him off too easy, he punched Maya for it. Then I had to try and explain to Maya that I couldn’t let her punch Jason just to ‘even it out’. Like I said, they’re evil.” You laughed along with Edward as you finished your story, feeling more alive than you had since they day you were adopted. Pure happiness was rushing through your veins and you felt lightheaded every time Edward smiled at you.

“Maya sounds smart.” He said, raising his eyebrows.

“She is,” you agreed, “She’s too smart for her own good. And her attitude gets her into trouble all the time.”

“Now she sounds like you.” Edward laughed, and you shot him a faux-offended look, before giving in and laughing with him.

It took a moment for your giggles to subside, and when they did an only slightly uncomfortable silence settled over the table. Edward stared at his hands, clasped in his lap, as he seemed to turn his next words over in his mind carefully.

“So, what…happened?” He asked eventually, and you tilted your head in question even though you knew exactly what he was referring to. “When you left…why didn’t you write? You said ‘things were difficult’, what does that mean?”

You took a slow sip of coffee as you considered the question that you knew you would have to answer, trying to decide where to begin.

“Well, you know the couple that adopted me? The husband was a big politician for a while, but his wife was the one pulling the strings really. She had the contacts and went to the meetings but he was the face of things, you know?” You explained, and Edward watched you carefully as you spoke, hanging onto every word. “Well, anyway, she was a real power hungry psycho, and she was obsessed with her image, she was a real white picket fence type, you know, pearls and politics. But she couldn’t have kids, so she couldn’t have that picture perfect life she wanted. That’s why they decided to adopt, and as an added plus, it looked really good for their reputation to take in one of the ‘less fortunate’ from the orphanage.”

Edward scoffed, but said nothing.

“So, they took me in and gave me a home and fancy clothes and expensive tutors and maids and all the rest, but they were so focussed on me being the final piece in their family puzzle that they forgot I was a…person? I felt like just an accessory for them to bring to photo opportunities.” You explained. “And one time…I guess my attitude got me in trouble.” You said with a sad chuckle.

Edward visibly bristled as you stopped speaking. His gaze was intense, and you found yourself unable to meet it, staring instead at the foamy remains floating atop your coffee.

“What did they do?” His question came quiet and low, and you dared to look up at his hands, clenched upon the table.

“She…hit me. I learned not to speak up quickly, but then she would decide that something else I did was wrong, and she’d hit me again. Never in the face, didn’t want to ruin the photos I guess.” You said with a bitter chuckle. “And her husband, well, he never hit me himself, but he would just ignore everything that happened. Out in public, he was the perfect father, but inside that house he generally pretended I didn’t exist. He was a coward, and chose to run away when his wife caused problems.”

You glanced up at Edward’s face to gauge his reaction: what you found was mainly concern, though there was a hardness in those green eyes that you had never seen before.

“As for me trying to write, I had written letters for months, addressed them to you, even put stamps on, and I gave them to the maids to be posted. I never got a reply, so in the end I gave up and stopped writing the letters.” You explained with an apologetic shrug. “Then, one day, when I was 18, she had taken away my car keys and I went looking for them, and I found those letters in a drawer in their office. I was so angry, I figured she had confiscated them from the maids every time I gave them one, but she just let me believe they had been sent. I left that night, found my car keys and ran as fast as I could. I tried to find you for so long but I never could, no matter where I looked.”

Edward looked away guiltily at that, clearly aware that his total lack of presence online made him difficult to find.

“I’m sorry,” You conclude, feeling somewhat deflated after explaining your whole ordeal. “I’m sorry I left in the first place.”

Edward shook his head furiously.

“None of this is your fault. They were supposed to protect you.” He consoled.

You nodded, trying to surreptitiously dab away the tears pooling in your eyes.

“I’m glad I bumped into you today.” You confessed with a smile. “I really needed you today.”

Edward reached across the table to grasp your hands in his and fixed you with an intense stare that you couldn’t look away from.

“I’ll always be there when you need me from now on.” He promised, and you believed him.

For several hours after that, conversation continued to flow between you, catching up on all the things you had missed over the years. It felt as though no time had passed between you at all, and you felt like the same lovesick teenager you had been the last time you saw him. When you finally separated late that night, it was with numbers exchanged and a promise to see each other for coffee later that week.

You walked the short distance to your apartment feeling lighter than air, thrilled to have Eddie back in your life. You thought about how you had never believed in the idea of soulmates before; now, walking through the moonlit streets with the memory of Edward’s smile fresh in your mind, you realised that that’s what you and Edward were - soulmates.

#the riddler x reader #dano!riddler x reader #edward nashton x reader #paul dano x reader

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trashlie · 1 year

Text

FP 215 and 216 + some shippy commentary

Whew boy! It has, yet again, been a while since my last one, and I’ve had SO MANY thoughts rattling around my brain, but I’m so bad at juggling my multiple hobbies. I’ve recently gotten back into learning watercolor painting and having so much fun with it, but there’s such a limited number of hours in a day and I lose hours while I’m painting, aaaaaaahhhh!

Anyway, I really want to try to gather some thoughts before this week’s ILY update, because my GOD I have LOVED where we’ve been with the story. I know as readers we collectively have looked forward to this never-ending night lol but I feel like there’s so many things I was personally waiting for that are finally coming to fruition and my GOSH it feels so rewarding and so exciting!

Now, you guys know that I have been chomping at the bit re: Kousuke, but I’m going to save him for a separate post. I’ve been yelling about him a LOT lately and I want to take a break, hehe, and dig into some other aspects, so we’ll be covering FP eps 215 and 216 in this post, but I swear I’m going to try to get my Kousuke thoughts out this week before the next episode drops ;_____; I have... so many thoughts about him and especially Kousuke + Nol as family and enemies aaahhhhhh. But for that - LATER!

I mean, okay, I guess I do have to touch a little on Kousuke lol and how we got here, since I never really dropped my thoughts about the episodes leading up to this hhhh I’m really behind! Kousuke being his own worst enemy all these years and thus bringing about his own downfall (of sorts) is just sooo poetic. And don’t get me wrong - I have a lot of deep feelings about this because, as we know, while Kousuke has been on a shitty path, there are reasons he ended up there, and the dramatic tragedy of him fighting something that never really existed feels like such a sucker punch. He has spent so long making an enemy of someone who only wanted alliance, and in his quest for Rand’s affection - for his father’s LOVE - he has brought the utmost of disappointment to him. I think it’s worth acknowledging that this was not Kousuke’s intention. He had no intention of punching Nol and fell to his knees when Nol pushed him and jeered so there’s only so much of this I’m willing to pin on him, because I doubt he expected his punch to land so much damage, you know? Nol goaded him and he got more than he bargained for. It’s not so very black and white.

But regardless of intention, we arrive at a hospital - mercifully not Hirahara Memorial - with Nol in a really, really bad shape, and to no surprise, it is Shinae (and Lil Buddy!) waiting on him to wake.

I love everything about this for so many reasons! It’s very much a sort of parallel to the night Shinae was in the hospital, with Nol sitting outside the door, except now we so much more friendship between them since then, and shinae doesn’t sit outside his door but is dozing off on the side of his bed. When you think about everything that has happened since that scene, it feels surreal! Nol and Shinae both have been through so much beginning with that harrowing night of the gala. and though Nol has tried to run away, all of it has only brought them closer, whether or not he’s able to admit it.

And this is actually something that I love so much about these episodes! In the episodes leading to this, at Minhyuk’s party, Nol was so cagey and edgy, all sharp edges and dangerous shadows, as if he was daring her, as if he was trying to see how far he could push. It’s not that he dropped away the Yeonggi mask entirely and revealed who he really is as much as he adopted his Nol persona and pushed it forth. After all, Yeonggi is just as much a part of who he really is, as much as his sharp edges he tried to soften by pushing Yeonggi forward. That’s what we get to see in this episode: he is as much the boy who initially approached Shinae as he is the man who’s tried to push her away, whether or not he’s willing to accept it. Even after confirming their mutual care and respect for each other, Nol (inebriated at that) pointedly shared his darkest, hidden side - and it didn’t scare Shinae off.

Certainly Shinae was exposed to the most private side of Nol - the darkness and sharp edges he uses to push back against the world, the part of him that he was so desperate to hide - but in these episodes, we see the most authentic aspect of him. Where all the alcohol he drank earlier in the night brought out what some might consider the “worst” of him, I think the morphine drip brings out a more authentic take on Nol. No inhibitions, but no edges, no sharp bites, and just enough honestly that he may regret it later.

And I love it! I loved seeing how Shinae dealt with such a dark, edgy version of the friend she was so desperate to catch, but I REALLY love getting to see Nol and Shinae return to their roots in these episodes, in terms of their rhythm, their beats, their chemistry. I think they play off each other in such a surprisingly natural way - Nol certainly has been taken by surprise by it before, but I don’t think Shinae is as aware of it. The way she responds to his prank (which is, admittedly, such a dark, cruel prank lol) and turns her own despair around to prank him back was just beautiful, absolute art lol. He’s always had the upperhand, but since climbing up to join her on the rooftop, they stand toe to toe on equal footing.

But honestly, it’s so nice? To see Nol laugh again? Even if it came to him via a mean prank, even if it’s because he’s so at ease on morphine. Isn’t that so weirdly twisted - this is what it’s taken to bring him a well-deserved moment of peace, for the waters to become placid, even if temporarily. He came so close to dying! And only then has he found his peace. (Very similar to the pool fall at the black and white formal, where he denied himself a different sense of peace.)

I love their rhythm! How they go back and forth so easily (with Lil Buddy’s assistance heh,.. Nol can’t catch a break!) and they just feel so NATURAL. It’s almost hard to believe that just a few months ago, Shinae wanted nothing to do with him, and now she has been exposed to the most raw and vulnerable parts of who he is, has become acquainted with him in a way that no one else yet has.

I love it, I love them! There’s a sense of intimacy woven into the episodes, with Nol allowing himself what he’s never before, resting on her should. He is metaphorically as much as literally allowing himself to lean on her, finally, after all the struggles he’s endured alone. After everything he has faced alone, he is allowing himself to share a moment with someone, even if he can’t admit it fully out loud. Would he have done the same if not for the morphine? I guess it’s pretty much a moot question, because we only get to have this moment because of how much he’s endured, finally hitting that limit. He nearly DIED - and he would have, had Kousuke not gone out after him. How far would he have gotten before he collapsed and bled out in the snow, perhaps Rand wouldn’t have even seen him. It’s scary just how close he came to no longer existing.

So I suppose there may not be a scenario where Nol would allow himself to lean on a friend. He doesn’t say it, but I expect it’s at the back of his mind - his fear. Is he relieved? Would he rather have been left there in the snow? I suspect as much as he’s been suicidal in the past, that’s not how he wanted to go. Idk, I have a lot of quiet thoughts about this - about how painful recovery will be and would he rather have let his flame go out like that? Or does Shinae’s presence make him rethink those ideations? Is the presence of someone who cares - who has seen his darkness and still cared about him, who has been hurt by him and still cares about him - enough to make him feel relieved that he is still here? He’s so weary, so exhausted, and look at what extremes he went through before he allowed himself any reprieve.

In a really weird way, this reminds me of the phone call in episode 73 while Shinae is in the hospital with her dad and Rika, which is funny, because Nol spends that whole phone call deflecting and lying about his condition. But it still carried that sense of tender intimacy - the two people alone while the world around them is at rest, just a stolen moment of comfort in their sea of storms (although during the phone call the solace is definitely more so for Shinae’s benefit than his own). Here we have a similar scenario - two people alone while the world around them is asleep, the snow blanketing the city around them, no one aware of this moment transpiring, except this time Nol allows himself to benefit from the solace and the comfort. How many times has he reached out only to deny himself whatever it is he seeks? How many times has he made himself prop himself up, unable to allow himself to take comfort (denying that he deserves comfort)?

“I thought you didn’t like the silence?” “I don’t.. but I like THIS silence.”

Perhaps it’s just the morphine, but there’s something about that exchange that just GETS to me - that silence is otherwise so constricting, so claustrophobic, so unbearable, except this one. This one is special. This one is nice. This one is comforting. Again, that layer of tragedy underlines it - that this wouldn’t be happening had he not nearly died. That he’s in so much pain but it is, for now, masked by something that can take it away. Isn’t that what he’s wanted? Something that softens the blow, that little moment to catch his breath?

And GOD the way Shinae reacts! So many times this evening she’s found herself flustered, found herself feeling something unusual in response to him - whether it’s his honesty or his dark edges or this - whatever this may be. Nestling her face against his shoulder as she relays the way they found him, the way they barely managed to get him in in time (losing blood so fast there was truly NO minute to spare!) and how he seems to take comfort in knowing it’s not the family’s hospital when he turns his head and buries it against her. I love it, I love them! I keep saying that but aaahhhhh I always love their intimate moments, these little moments stolen in the stillness of the night, when no one else is around to mind them. A song shared during her lunch break, a phone call in the night, a passing moment when she puts his earbud back in his ear, a moment of banter before work. And just like every time, no matter how Nol tries to resist her, to turn away, to place a barrier between her, it always fails. He’s SO drawn to her, whether it’s because she’s the only person who shows him concern, the only person who notices him, who pays attention to him - or something more - he has only once been able to push her away.

I also really love how quimchee plays with the rhythm here - the comedy feels so organic, spliced between little moments of tenderness that is reminiscent of the earlier episodes’ comedy. It’s so light and playful in those ways - everything has been so heavy as everyone has struggled through their own plights, but Nol’s sneezing, Shinae sneaking in Lil Buddy, her impression of Rand and his laughter, it’s all so playful and light, such a delightful contrast to the moments preceding ad following. Again, they just have this way of being with each other that is so comfortable and wonderful to read. To be fair, I think Shinae has wonderful chemistry with a lot of characters - she’s always fun to read with Soushi, Minhyuk, and even sometimes Kousuke - but what’s really good about this is how Nol falls in line with her, the ways they play off each other. Everything about their collective panic over the machine beeping is so comical and feels so much like Yeonggi and Shinae! It just feels... idk, authentic. This is him, no fronts, no masks, nothing played up, just a lack of inhibitions and their shared rhythm.

I usually try to read these scenes without a romantic lens - is this just friendship? Is this platonic? We know they’re soulmates but where do they fall on each other’s radar? Is it just that this feels like such a secretive thing? How do they affect each other? But I cannot deny how SHIPABLE these moments feel - how Shinae has spent this whole evening so affected by him! It’s so hard to read Nol, because he hides things so well. Does he, too, feel affected by the intimacy of their stolen moments? I’ve always felt he’s so caught up in what he’s running from and what he’s hiding from that he probably has never allowed himself to be honest about his feelings. Numerous times we’ve seen surprise on his face when Shinae shows him concern but is it just surprise that she sees through him or is he ever delighted (or scared) by her ability to do that? It’s so hard to tell! I’ve been of the mind lately that she’s the one feeling something - or at least showing it, but I wish I could get a better read on him. I feel like Nol allowing himself that moment on her shoulder is something, maybe? It feels a little reminiscent of their hug in 151 - one of the only times he was able to create the distance between them, and also one of the only times he allowed himself that moment - but the emotions of it are incredibly different.

This is where I’ll allow myself to get into the shippier thoughts, though. Like I said, it’s just so difficult to get a read on Nol - I feel like on some level we’ve barely scratched the surface of him, even though I also think we’ve seen some of his most raw angles. But as far as shipping stuff goes, there’s still so many questions. The way he talked about Alyssa never really indicated that there were ever feelings as much as him trying - and failing - to keep her out of Yui’s reach. I still wonder what their friendship was like. Is he just blinded by futility? He can only look back on it this way, because all of the good times - when they were friends - have been overshadowed by her need for Yui’s approval? I bring this up because it’s the only real comparison we have as an indicator of Nol’s feelings. He never even mentioned Alyssa when he was in the alley with Lil Buddy - and I guess there could be a couple reasons why. After all, he was speaking of the friends he was leaving behind, the ones who he didn’t want to let go of, and Alyssa wasn’t part of that group. But it could just as easily be that he thinks it’s a lost cause - Alyssa has chosen her path and there’s no point in trying to fight her.

At any rate, we’ve always been shown the different ways that Nol and Shinae interact and behave, especially contrasted to Alyssa. I wonder how much of Nol she’s met - does she only know happy-go-lucky Yeonggi who has never put his own needs ahead of anyone else’s? That’s what I assume, based on the way she talks about him and how “easy” their relationship was - that he is someone who never made a fuss and had no issue with her doing whatever she wanted without him. But again, I think it’s safe to assume that Nol is the most himself we’ve seen with Shinae, which makes sense given that he struggles so much to draw that distance between them. She just brings something out of him, and it certainly has a lot to do with the fact that she pays attention to him, she notices the little things he got used to people not noticing, she showed him the kind of friendship he was denying himself.

And, damnit, I can’t help but ship them, when they have these moments. This is why I find myself shipping them, rather than enjoying the possibility of platonic soulmates - because how do you develop this bond, this kind of relationship, and then move in different directions? How do you share this kind of tender intimacy without it feeling like something Else? I am a big fan of intimacy =/= romance and there are ways it could have played out between them, but I also think that so much of their intimacy has been these little pockets of calm shared together in the shadows that have changed who they are as people. And just like intimacy does not necessarily always equate to romance, attraction doesn’t always indicate romance, either. We’ve seen that Shinae is definitely attracted to Dieter, but I think the way she’s drawn to Nol is different. That intimacy is there - Shinae has been able to share things with Dieter that she couldn’t easily share with others at first - but idk, it just feels DIFFERENT in a way that’s so difficult to articulate.

Because of their shared and similar experiences, Nol and Shinae have this rather innate understanding of each other. Shinae is both understanding of why Nol is the way he is, but also pushes him and doesn’t allow him to make those excuses - look at the way she verbally assaulted him when he feigned forgetting his memory lol. I think it would be difficult (although not impossible) for anyone else to feel that with him. In fact, in general, it makes me wonder who Nol will be in the future - will he ever be able to forge other, genuine relationships outside Shinae, Dieter, and Soushi?

Shinae has made it abundantly clear how important Nol is to her, both to him and to others. Is she as important to Nol? Does it scare him that someone now knows so many of the things he’s hid and tried to mask, or does he find comfort in it?

The thing about romance is that there’s not an easy before and after - it’s the kind of thing that happens over time, little by little, sometimes moments more noticeable than others. The night of the black and white formal, Nol spent so much of his time and energy looking out for Shinae, taking care of her, trying to keep her safe, and since that night she has returned the favor, doing just as he did - reaching out and opening herself up and making a point to be there for him. What is that to him? Is it friendship? Is it something that blurs the line? I don’t expect them to figure it out any time soon, if there’s something, if it means anything, but in the same way I just wonder how he sees it. Like I said, I think it’s more evident with Shinae - she’s had the signs more frequently, but what about Nol?

I genuinely just love watching them play out and develop, the way their experiences bump into each other and their lives merge. Whatever path Nol is on, I hope he’s realize that Shinae is a part of it, too, in whatever form he wants her to be. I hope he realizes that there is someone who has his back completely, who can accept him at even his darkest, his lowest, his absolute worst, and will continue not only to just root for him, but assist him. It’s one thing to cheer someone on, it’s another to assist with the heavy lifting. That’s what it is about them that just GETS to me; they have found in each other something they denied themselves. Shinae built her walls tall, so afraid of being hurt again, and lied to herself about not craving that companionship. Nol forged fake friendships because he didn’t think he deserved real ones. In each other they have found someone who unconditionally accepts who they are, who pushes them to be better, who has their backs. It’s hard not to ship that!

All I ever hoped of this night was that Nol would go back to his friends, that they’d find a way to make up - or begin to make up - and now look what we’ve got! And we’re left with Shinae discovering that this whole arduous terrible night was his birthday! RIGHT after he pointedly evade it, too. There’s been so many opportunities for him to tell her - she invited him to the very party! lol like!!!! To discover his birthdate as he pointedly avoided answering to the nurse - is she going to call him out on it? I think given everything she’s learned, she’ll probably understand why it was something he didn’t share, that it was part of the secrets he carried but I still want to see what she does with this knowledge. Because it’s not the fact that he never divulged it but rather the fact that a. he’s still hiding things which is much more likely because b. he has endured the absolute worst shit on this very night. On his birthday. No one told him Happy Birthday - instead he just nearly died. ;________; Isn’t that so fucking SAD?!

In very different ways, Shinae and Nol have both had the same goal in mind: to make each other happy. Just like earlier in the night she offered to help him relive one of his last, happy moments about Christmas, I’m sure she will once again offer to give him at least one happy memory about this birthday. Something worth celebrating, if it’s only that he’s alive and loved and that people care about him and he is worthy of his love. ;~;

IDK i feel very incoherent at this point so I think I’m going to end it here lol JUST KNOW THAT I HAVE SO VERY MANY FEELINGS that I have been rereading these episodes in awe of the tenderness and the intimacy. I’m such a fan of Nol and Shinae’s Stolen Moments of Calm aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#I Love Yoo #ILY Spoilers #ILY FP #ILY Brainrot #Stalkyoo #Shinae Yoo #Nol #Nolan Oliver T. Lochain #Aegi #I ADMIT IT at the end I went into some shippy tangents #I WILL NOT DENY MYSELF THE JOY AND THE PLEASURE OKAY #genuinely i have LOVED this whole arc from the very beginning of the company party to where we are now #all of the tension that has built and cultiminated #Nol going through his edgy little fit #the confessions and make ups #the comedy interspersing the intensity #the episodes leading to these were SO INTENSE just choking with intensity #and here we have one of my favorite ILY features #Nol and Shinae's Stolen Pockets of Calm #I LOVE THEM OKAY #i have talked SO MUCH about how their friendship forms in the shadows out of the direct eyesight of others #so much of the way they've come to know each other has been divulged in the shadows in the dark in moments stolen in the night #in harrowing experiences #in shared experiences #in those rare moments of calm #it's the way he taught her to be a friend and she used that experience on him and he didn't even expect it #it's the way he tried his best to cut ties and he failed so miserably #it's the way that after everything he cannot stop her from caring. she's unstoppable #and why would he want her to be anything but?#AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH PLSSSSSSSSS I JUST AM AWASH WITH FEELINGS OKAY ;A;

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asksoldieron · 8 months

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SO-2: Sooo Many Eggs!

If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand.

I'll edit in the real art once I make some!

Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for Life with Erik (SO-2) an instalment! Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a 475 character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!

Welcome to the most stressful job in the world! Being a handler with no support system and no instructions, for a man with no brain!

Actually, no, if Erik didn't have a brain rattling around in there, it would be a lot easier. But John would feel a lot worse.

I cackled when Erik misspoke and suggested the possibility of "human eggs." John has been through enough disasters to wonder if Erik and his Invisible friends might get eggs out of a human being.

I always get nervous when it looks like I'm playing trope straight, but "queer-coded villain" is unavoidable due to plot constraints. I hope it's obvious enough John doesn't like what he's doing and he must have a good reason. Or at least something he thinks is a good reason. It gets more and more evident the farther you go, but here at the beginning, I might upset someone so badly they just quit. I hate that.

[UNKNOWN CHARACTER] and [UNKNOWN GOD] became John and David years ago, when I realized they were the most likely two. (I just checked and WOW, my Teapot notes originated in 2018!) And it clicked when I realized, "Oh, no, I'd be making him hurt Erik AGAIN." So I've been worried about their coercive relationship for a long time. I'm putting John through hell so you feel bad for him. Hope it works!

[Back to the Site?]

#tin soldier and soldier on #instalment #engagement lounge #hello? are you room service? how many kinds of eggs do you have?#wait wait hang on that's too many - just do all the eggs and put them on my tab OK?

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bunnywan · 1 year

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oh look at that, like what i like is my fav fic by you too! how about 36 and 37?

from this ask game

answering this 2 days late .. thank u for ur patience <3

36. what fic are you proudest of?

this is a hard one !! i guess im proudest of the stuff that lived in my head for so long as a concept, stuff that i stewed on for like Months. fics like smells like sex (and candy), i wanna be owned, and i smile at the moon (death is on my face). the concepts for these fics rattled around in my brain for a long ass time -- a few were just lil daydreams i had before i even started writing fic.

37. what fic has been the hardest for you to write?

my most recent fic, i shouldn't cry (but i love it) gave me hell bc i had sooo many ideas for it that it was almost overwhelming. and i was so eager to post it that i even left some stuff out bc i was so writing fatigued and just wanted to share it ! i might end up doing a b-side to this in the future... i have so many scenes about obi-wan masturbating lol.

#wow i like titles with parentheses huh #ask game

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give-me-your-monsters · 2 years

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This is why I can’t sleep at night

Okay, so instead of sleeping, like a regular sane person, I’ve been sending the last few nights debating whether I should do a horror EastEnders-inspired fanfic in the future.

Apologies in advance for my mad ramblings...It’s long and pointless, but I’m nothing if not committed so here goes:

T/W: talks of fictional deaths (drug-related, violent, etc), addiction, the Eldritch Gods

For the non-Brits: EastEnders is a long running soap opera set in London, in a fictional place called Albert Square, which has been going since the 80s. Please bear in mind that I haven’t been keeping up with it for years, but I get glimpses of it because the TV’s usually on and playing in the background at the same time it’s on air.

Mad shit happens all the time on it.

To give an idea of how nuts the storylines can be sometimes:

The bride and her sister both drowned at the bride’s wedding.

A character was killed by being shoved down a hill.

A longstanding villain was bludgeoned to death with an iron dog-shaped doorstop.

One character was buried alive by his wife momentarily because he was cheating on her with her step-son’s ex-girlfriend. She changed her mind and dug him back out again, sooo I guess that was okay?

Another villain was killed with a iron bust of Queen Victoria.

For the 35th anniversary of the show, they decided to do their own version of Titanic on the River Thames. No, I’m not joking: https://twitter.com/i/status/1229503704052772875

Recently a character died after being pushed and landing on a knife sticking up in the dishwasher...

The point is characters die on this show...a lot. Falling off roofs, car explosions, overdoses, murdered, poisoned, hit-and-runs, death by picture-frame, gas explosions (very common), etc.

And if they’re not dead, they are: alcoholics, drug addicts, homeless, having an affair with everyone living in the postcode, blackmailing each other, serial killers themselves, engaging in business sabotage, etc.

If Albert Square was real, it would probably have the highest homicide rate in London, indeed, in the whole of the UK.

And instead of going, ‘Oh, it’s a soap opera’, again, like a normal person would, my brain is screaming, ‘conspiracy!’

Because EastEnders has been around for so long, there’s a few characters who have been in it for ages.

(If you want a giggle, google the character Ian Beale - who has been on this goddamn show since the very first episode back in 1985 what the fu- - along with ‘meme’ or ‘moments’, whatever. He’s had a rough time over the years. He’s a national institution at this point.)

When leads me to my main point. Phil Mitchell.

This character has been on this show since before I was born on this cursed planet.

Again, he’s had a rough time on the show, although that’s mostly his fault because he’s a hardened criminal, directly and indirectly responsible for an absurb amount of deaths on the show, and always willing to hide a body. He’s a massive on-and-off alcoholic to boot.

And yet again, instead of going, ‘Oh, he’s the local scumbag character that all soap operas need to keep the bodies flowing,’ I naturally think - once again, having not kept up with this show for ages - to myself...

‘Oh, he’s clearly in a pact with an Eldritch God or a demon which lives in Albert Square, and demands blood sacrifices and constant misery, otherwise it will tear Albert Square/London/the whole world apart.’

Because wouldn’t that be more interesting? That the truth behind this thug is he’s actually trying to save the world, slowly going mad from his terrible deeds and the Eldritch God/demon which continues to torment and mock him, turning to alcohol to desperately drown his sins? Isn’t that more interesting than because some tv producer insists that a random character has to die by the Christmas episode?

...It is random, utterly meaningless shit like this which rattles around in my brain, instead of actually important things.

Now I’m torn between whether it’s a rubbish idea not worth bothering with or if it’s secretly a genius idea which I should definitely write down....

^This is what keeps me up at night, and I’m so sorry to have burdened you with this.

#my posts #i'm so sorry i don't know what this is #eastenders #phil mitchell #british tv #writing #my writing #my completely bonkers thoughts #why else would anyone ever consider moving to Albert Square if not for some otherworldly call drawing them to the place?

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solangelover · 4 years

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AUctober: Day 8 - Long Distance

For @solangeloweek AUctober!

Read on AO3 or FF.Net

A/N: Nico’s an anxious mess (and yes, this is based on real life :P ) TW for anxious thoughts and actions? Not a panic attack, but just reading this might get your heart racing if you’re like me (~_~ ; )

Will was going on about his week, as per usual in their weekly phone calls. With him interning at a hospital in the city and Nico still living countryside with his dad, they had set up a system of generally daily texts and a long phone call on the weekend. It was not as hard as people made long distance sound, at least to Nico.

But there was also the fact that he had no idea what he was doing in the relationship. So, who’s to say?

Will just finished telling a story about a very stubborn patient he had to deal with this week, and Nico laughed along at every ridiculous point. He liked listening to Will. It was easy and pleasant, no matter what he was talking about.

Then, of course, Will asked about Nico‘s day and his week. But he had been living his normal life, with his part-time job on-campus and his college classes. He didn’t feel like there was much to say about his week, and he said as much.

“Are you sure there was nothing interesting that you did this week?” Will asked.

“Yeah, it was pretty much the same as always,” Nico replied.

Well, Nico thought, I did have dinner with a few random classmates. But it seemed like this conversation was winding down and he knew that Will had some other things to do, so he wanted to respect his time.

“Did you hang out with people? Go out to dinner? Anything different like that?”

Nico’s eyes widened slightly, and he looked to the side nervously. “Uh... well, yeah I did.”

Nico watched as Will pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply. “This is what I’m talking about Nico!” he exclaimed. “This is something! You know you have to try a little to have a conversation.”

He just sat there, like an idiot. Nico was stuck. He thought the conversation was going to end! It didn’t seem important!

Nico voiced his thoughts to Will, who only squinted in apparent annoyance. “If you had your way, you’d never tell me anything about your life.”

“That’s not—“ true, he wanted to say, but it was probably a little true. He didn’t usually just offer up information about his day-to-day life. It just wasn’t normal for him.

“Oh my gosh, Nico,” Will laughed, but he was a little irritated too. Nico could tell.

There was a pause, which Nico assumes he was expected to fill with details about his dinner. But, again, it was just dinner and nothing crazy happened. And if he said too much, wouldn’t it just prove him to be a liar for saying he had nothing to say? Or is he overthinking this? Or under thinking? “Um, yeah, had dinner with a different group of people from class. That’s it, nothing interesting.” He shrugged, barely making eye contact with Will.

“Okay,” is all Will said.

Nico gulped. He really needed to end this conversation. “Okay, sooo I gotta go call Hazel, I told her I would.”

“Okay then,” Will furrowed his eyebrows, but Nico couldn’t really decipher his expression (not that he was really looking at Will). “See you later.”

“Bye.”

Nico quickly hung up and threw his phone onto his bed. He then launched himself up from where he had been sitting and began aggressively passing his room.

WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED.

Oh, schist. He’s horrible. He’s the worst boyfriend ever. What, was he waiting to end the conversation? With his boyfriend? Why??? Why should he be nervous just talking with Will, so much that he anticipated ending the conversation? Nico knew he did that with other people because he always got really nervous about awkward pauses and all that. But this was Will.

Admittedly, their relationship was relatively new, and they were taking it really slow, probably for Nico‘s sake. Which, was that also bad??

At this rate, Nico was going to wear a trench into his floor with his pacing. He also realized that he was muttering all of his nervous thoughts to himself. If anyone could hear him, they would think he’s crazy. Maybe he was. His social anxiety was absolutely skyrocketing, and he felt like he was going to explode.

After some indeterminate amount of time (the panic really muddled Nico’s sense of time), his phone started ringing, making him nearly jump out of his skin. He glanced at where it laid on his bed. Will’s face filled the screen, and Nico could feel his heart beating a mile a minute.

What the heck? Why is he calling again? We just hung up?? I said I was going to call Hazel. Should I answer it? Should I let it go?

Nico was now very outwardly panicking, hands gripping his hair as he basically sprint-paced around his bed whilst staring at his buzzing phone. He had mostly decided not to answer to keep the continuity of his lie (though he should probably call Hazel, both to catch up and because he was freaking out), but any second-thoughts were washed away when the ringing stopped on its own. He was either barely breathing or nearly hyper-ventilating at this point, but it was hard to tell as Nico fell into a crouch on the ground with a groan.

He has no idea why Will was calling, but he just knew it had to be about how their phone call ended. What else would it be? And what might he say about it? Nico’s mind was buzzing with questions that he had zero answers to.

Ding!

His phone went off, Nico snapping to attention immediately. He scrambled over to his bed, practically throwing himself at his phone. It lit up as he tilted it toward himself: “New Voicemail.” Oh gods, Will left a voicemail.

After a few more minutes of panicking, Nico decided he should just listen to it. It’s not like Will would know when he listened to it, so if he didn’t respond right away, it was not a big deal. And then maybe he will actually call Hazel after. He probably should, for his own health.

Nico’s thumb hovered over the play button for the voicemail, trembling with fear, anxiety, anticipation, dread, everything he could feel at the moment (except probably anything good, like excitement or happiness).

He tapped the screen.

*static* “Hey, Nico. It’s Will. I know you’re probably talking to Hazel right now, so I didn’t expect you to pick up. I just wanted to say, well, a few things. I’m sorry if I came off badly in the call. You seemed a bit nervous at the end, and thinking back, it’s probably because I commented about telling me things, right? If it’s not, then you can ignore this.” *nervous laughter* “I’m sorry for saying you wouldn’t tell me things about your life. I guess I was a bit frustrated since I feel like I’m always talking, and I don’t hear as much from you in return. But it was rude of me to say that, so I’m really sorry. I know this is new for you, and you’re getting used to, everything really, and I don’t want to push you. I promise I know you’re trying and I like you as you are. I was being selfish in that moment. So, I’m really sorry if I made you nervous or stressed or anything like that! Text me later when you get this so I know we’re okay. Um, okay, bye, Neeks!”

The line clicked off and the messaged ended. And Nico sat there, gaping at his phone and hugging his pillow, which he must have grabbed in his stress but didn’t even realize it. He… didn’t know what to think. It’s like getting emotional whiplash. A minute ago, he thought he was a horrible boyfriend, and that Will was mad at him. Now, he discovered Will actually felt bad about what he said and wanted to know if Nico was okay. It was overloading the tiny emotional center in Nico’s brain.

He was overthinking, like always. He recognized that, which is major improvement for him given his track record of panicking and running away from problems that apparently only existed in his own mind. He plopped down right next to his bed, closed his eyes, and took several deep breaths. As much as possible, he forced himself not to think of anything, blocking out all distractions, just like Will taught him to.

After a few minutes, his hands stopped shaking and his heart stopped trying to rattle itself out of his chest. Nico slowly opened his eyes, feeling noticeably calmer, though his swirling, anxious thoughts were beginning to creep back in. He reached back for his phone, staring at his screen for a second before playing the message again. And again, and again, until he could finally process all the words and understand how he felt about it.

Will wasn’t mad—that’s good. He was, in fact, apologetic, which Nico didn’t want, but it was also nice to hear that Will recognized how his own words could have been (and were slightly) hurtful. Will wanted to know not just that Nico was okay, but that they were okay. So he was concerned about their relationship, which, so was Nico, so it made sense.

Okay, this was good. Nico understood what Will wanted to convey in the message. It sounded like Nico was freaking out for nothing, which always sucks to find out, but he would rather worry over nothing than there be an actual problem.

Now to respond.

Well, enough time had passed where it would be feasible that he finished his call with Hazel. He’ll actually call her tomorrow, but for now, he could at least text Will.

Before he could dither over his words too much, Nico decided to go for a simple, straightforward message: Thanks for your message. We’re okay.

He knew Will would want more, and he deserved to know at least what Nico was thinking (overthinking) about. But this was enough for the moment. Nico knew Will would understand, would be understanding of Nico’s laconic reply, and would let him sort out his thoughts before answering more fully.

Nico was really, really, really lucky to have someone like Will.

Ding!

He glanced down to read Will’s reply: Okay good. Talk more later!

Acknowledgement and a casual goodbye. Yeah, he understood.

A/N: I had this drafted for a while, but I didn’t have an actual ending planned (if you can’t tell) and it kind of got away from me, so sorry if this isn’t what you want to read for AUctober! But it’s like writing therapy for me, and I’m happy not to see it in my WIPs anymore lol

#auctober #long distance #solangelo #will solace #nico di angelo #social anxiety #relationship anxiety #But Will understands #Nico is trying #solangelo fanfiction #solangelo fanfic #solangelo au #au #auctober 2020 #my auctober #my writing #my fic #my au #fic

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myfearless-love · 4 years

Note

Number 30 please! :)

Hello Nonny!

I’m so sorry this took sooo long, a lot of things happened and I just couldn’t find the time to properly write this. BUT here I am, finally able to finish this prompt to my liking and I hope all of you will like it as well :)

30. “Tell me a secret.”

“Tell me a secret,” she whispers against his collarbone in the darkness of the penthouse, the thin curtain at window allowing the city lights to seep through the floor to ceiling glass, outlining his fine features and part of his body not covered by sheets.

He doesn’t look at her at first, doesn’t seem to even register her voice as he continues to draw random patterns on the exposed skin of her back with lazy fingers. His eyes are closed, breathing evenly and Chloe thinks he must have fallen asleep until his head turns towards her, fingers coming to a halt at the curve of her shoulder, pulling her closer to him.

“I have no secrets, Detective. Anything you wish to know, you only need to ask,” he breathes against her forehead, nose in her hair and her eyes flutter close.

She loves when he does this, engulfing her against his warm body, making her forget the outside world while in his arms. He’s more clingy at this time of day, just before they drift off to sleep - less talkative, less bravado. Not that she minds. Who knew the Devil is a cuddler?

“Then tell me something I don’t already know,” she pulls away slightly, just enough to look into his dark, almost black eyes. He blinks at her sleepily. “Like, when you decided to stay on Earth for a longer time, why did you choose Los Angeles? I would have thought Las Vegas was more your ground,” her face pulls into a faint grimace at the mention of the city, unpleasant memories break though that perfectly fortified segment of her brain where she exiled the image of Candy and white sheet covered furnitures.

As if sensing her momentary self-inflicted discomfort, he takes a fallen lock of her hair between his thumb and forefinger, placing it behind her ear, lips pulling into her favorite smile, the one that reaches his eyes, making the cornes wrinkle up with faint crow’s feet. “Too touristy,” he answers, catching her wandering fingers as they slip under the warm sheets, placing a feather light kiss on her knuckles. “And too loud,” he admits and he catches her lifting one of her eyebrows in surprise.

“What?” he asks in a fake offended voice as he gets into a half seated position on the mattress, back resting against the headboard of the bed. “Even the Devil needs some silence and calm once in a while.”

Yes, he does. And she does too. And she adores those times when there are just the two of them, here, in his gigantic and comfortable bed, without any background noise. Or the times when he prepares her favorite omelette in the mornings, just before they start their busy days, he as a club owner slash police consultant and she as a detective and mother.

It’s really nice to have a quiet place they can both retreat to.

“But,” he continues, rousing her from her musings, “if I have to choose a reason besides prime real estate, perfect weather and it literally being the city of Angels,” he stops and gets up from the bed, and Chloe has a few seconds to admire his naked glory before he slips into his black silk robe, holding out his arm to her, palm upwards.

Her brows pull into a frown for a moment before she realizes he wants her to also vacate the bed. She quickly pulls on his white shirt that had been hastily discarded on the floor earlier and takes his hand. Leaving the warm and comfortable bed at the middle of the night was very low on her list this night, but her curiosity gets the better of her.

She silently follows him through his spacious living room, bare feet touching marble floor is the only sound in the penthouse as they make their way to his ridiculously big balcony. Late night summer breeze brushing through her hair as they step out, freeing a lock from behind her ears.

He ushers her to the railing and she closes her palms around the metal rod, his hands land next to hers as his body stops behind her. His nose nuzzles her cheek lightly before he whispers in her ear, finishing his earlier explanation, “Those.”

She turns her head to the side to look at his profile and he nods towards the sky. She glances at the direction his eyes are fixed and she scowls. “The stars?” she asks, her voice laced with doubt. “But you can see them everywhere. Even Las Vegas.” It seems she really can’t press delete on that stupid city, she silently berates herself for always bringing it up.

“Yes, fortunately the light pollution you humans are so determined to bring to every corner of the Earth has not dwindled their brilliance,” he pauses. She has long since learned not to get offended by his use of “humans” because one, he’s right and second, she knows better than to think he counts her in in those sentiments.

He shifts behind her, resting his cheek against the side of her head, body warm and solid behind her back. “But for some reason, they look different from here…feel different,” he finishes and turns his head. She feels his dark gaze on her face, but instead of looking at him she glances back at the luminous spots adorning the night sky. She tilts her head and asks: “Did you really make them?”

She still doesn’t look at him, in case she asked something stupid and he starts laughing at her. Not that it would stop the embarrassment or her cheeks turning red, because she’s still fairly new to this whole celestial world and-

“Yes,” his only answer, his lips pull into that smile again and this time, she turns her head to him, blinking rapidly, lips parting slightly.

Holy shit.

Her ask was half joking half curiosity-because-she-reads-way-too-much-shit-on-celestial-things. She already knew that the Sun was, in some way, his creation but this was something new. She didn’t really expect a confirmative answer, but somehow the shock of it is more acceptable and not at all hard to digest than she would have thought. Guess not much can top the gigantic earthquake that rattled her world when she found out her partner is the literal Devil and there is God and Heaven and Hell.

“What are their purpose?” she inquires once she untangles her thoughts and wit.

He puffs out a soft laugh. “Literally nothing. They are just…there,” he gets a longing and sentimental look in his dark eyes and she places her hand on top of his on the railing. “I made them for Mother. Father didn’t like them - surprise, surprise - but Mom convinced Him not to destroy them,” he shrugs, trying to sound nonchalant but she can hear the emotions in his voice.

She turns around, sneaking her arms around his neck and stands on her tiptoes and kisses him softly. His hands rest on either side of her waist, melting into her touch. “Well they are really beautiful. I’m glad they stayed,” she informs him when they break apart, their nose touching.

“Yes, me too,” he whispers, tucking a stray lock of her hair behind her ears, brushing his thumb across her cheek. “For me, they represent…”

“Free will,” she finishes his thought, understanding washes through her and she feels her eyes water slightly at what those radiant heavenly bodies mean to him. Why she often finds him standing silently on the balcony, looking up at the sky. Why she’s the one who’s always driving when they travel to a crime scene at night. Why he has floor to ceiling windows on every wall in his penthouse and why his bed is next to that same kind of window.

“Yes,” he breathes and awe and something else she can’t name shines in his eyes. He’s looking at her as if she was the one making his stars and she still needs to get used to his affection for her because it makes her heart beat like crazy and her skin feels like a thousand fireworks.

He’s looking at her like someone finally understands and accepts him, all of him and she hasn’t seen anything more beautiful.

She tightens her arms around his neck, presses their noses closer and whispers against his lips: “Let’s get back to bed.”

A chuckle escapes his lips before kissing her, and then scooping her up bridal style in his arms. She lets out a squeak at the sudden movement and then a happy giggle bubbles out of her. She maintains her arms around his neck, wandering fingers find their way into his already mussed hair. He lets out a soft moan against her lips as he starts to get back inside.

“Couldn't’ have said it better, Detective.”

And they disappear into the blackness of the penthouse, his stars are their only witnesses for the rest of the night.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19206229/chapters/55725424

#lucifer #deckerstar #lucifer on netflix #lucifer fanfic #deckerstar fanfic #my fic #lucifer prompt #deckerstar prompt #lucifer ff #deckerstar ff #lucifer fanfiction #deckerstar fanfiction

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angst-in-space · 3 years

Text

march ‘21 writing progress

words written: 14.6k

most words written in a day: 1753

least words written in a day: 29

current yearly total: 44.5k

projects worked on:

- klapollo commission - matchablossom bed-sharing fic - renga practice kissing fic - sylvix dreamscape fic - tiny bit of novel planning - planning sk8 virtual reality au

works published in march: - “running faster than the night” (fe3h / dimileth): https://archiveofourown.org/works/29846265

march goals: - apply to aa4 zine - work on sylvix dreamscape fic - edit at least the first chapter of dreamscape fic and send to betas? - publish kl hotel au - finish klapollo commission - start working on narumitsu commission - novel planning - maybe working on altea rising and/or red skies if i have time??

april goals: - write 30k words for camp nanowrimo - finish klapollo commission - start on narumitsu commission - publish kl hotel au - work on sylvix dreamscape fic - work on renga practice kiss fic - work on matchablossom bed-sharing fic - errrmm maybe edit first chapter of sylvix dreamscape fic if i have time?? - tiny bit of novel planning perhaps??

notes:

well..... i was a huge mess this past month in terms of getting my priorities straight lol. part of it is that i delved deep into sk8 hell which i was...not expecting, and i already started two fics for it bc i’m a complete dumbass!! so yeah bc of that i was pretty distracted... but i mean, sk8 already ended as of yesterday so i’m hoping i’ll be slightly less distracted haha.

that said....i do still have sk8 brainrot (if you couldn’t tell) and i’m super excited for both the fics i’ve started for it! both renga and matchablossom have me by the throat so naturally i am writing a fic for each of them... the renga one is like a silly fluffy practice kissing fic, the matchablossom one is...a slightly angstier bed-sharing fic BUT it’ll have a happy ending. i definitely plan on working a lot on both of those during april, ideally finishing a draft of at least one of them! i also started planning a sk8 virtual reality au, and i have a couple other sk8 fic ideas rattling around in my empty skull so... might plan a bit more of those as well.

despite sk8 taking over my every waking thought for most of the month, i did still tackle some of my original march goals. i.e. i applied to aa4 zine, worked a bit on the sylvix dreamscape fic, and did a little bit of novel planning.

i did not Finish my klapollo commission during march but i did still get a big chunk of it done, and it’s... getting a lot longer than i expected hahaha. but i’m at least getting towards the end of it, so crossing my fingers i can get that one done during april. i also have a narumitsu comm that i have not started yet so i also hope to get to that later this month!

those are like, my main priorities but uhhhh i also am hoping to get a bit more done on the sylvix dreamscape fic which is getting to be exceedingly long now lmao. i’m planning to publish that one in chapters tho sooo might look into editing/posting first chapter of that soon-ish... we shall see haha. aaand the kl hotel fic, that one has been beta’d and i’ve finished most of my edits on it but...still trying to work out a few lil issues with it before i publish it, i’m hoping to do that before end of this month.

there’s some other “if i have time” things i.e. doing some more novel planning and like......mayyybeeee working a bit more on altea rising and/or red skies but. we’ll see.

oh and i’m also trying to write 30k for camp nano so there’s that! so aaaaAAAA tl;dr i’m working on like a million fics for like 4 different fandoms and my brain is mush but hopefully will be able to publish a thing or two this month!!

#brigidposts #writing updates #monthly writing progress 2021 #fanfic #text #long post

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foodcourtpancake · 3 years

Text

2020 fanfic/writing review meme

tagged by the ever lovely @marnz, thank you sooo much this was so fun !! What fic/writing did I disgorge from my brain maw this year?

oooooooh boy. 2020 was a big year for me, because i finished the first draft of my very first novel! it also marks the longest piece of writing i have ever done - i’m a short story person, long-form work is VERY difficult for me. the first draft was 41k and i have since bumped it up to over 50k in subsequent drafts. it was really fun for me to finish the first draft exactly one year after starting it, but the majority of the draft was written in early 2020 due to quarantine and my seven month stint of unemployment.

my novel, tentatively titled “a different kind of light,” it began as a passion project - i hadn’t written anything substantial other than poetry since... god, since i came back from my master’s program? so it was something really self-indulgent just to ease myself into a space that was quiet, soft, and calming... and then i fell in love and didn’t ever want to stop writing about the characters.

IN OTHER NEWS, at the end of 2020, i wrote and completed my first fan fiction since 2012 (!!!!) and in a completely different fandom world! the wonderful world of anime~

Takeaways from reflecting on your kick-ass writing, or kick-ass lack of writing, during a year more focused on survival than perhaps any other:

i write my novel better in the morning/day and fan fiction better in the middle of the night when the frustrations of my day have settled in^^

it’s okay to rest and i shouldn’t have to feel guilty about it !! i have been on a break from working on my novel regularly for a little while now because life and working full time during a global pandemic is... exhausting, but i think having that time away will make coming back to work on it that much more exciting and helpful

i’m in awe of people who outline, they are my heroes... so my goal is to start outlining my long form work! i took notes on a fic that’s been rattling around in my brain, so that’s my first step towards proper outlining - fingers crossed !!

having other writers around me to read my work and encourage me and hype me up and tell me my writing is actually good after all is CRUCIAL for me

Most surprising fic you wrote this year:

i surprised myself by writing fan fic for the first time, again, since 2012 when i was writing one d*rection fic (and i only have ONE published fic to my name???). it was so fun after working on my novel for a lot of this year to take a break and explore established fictional characters/relationships. like with my novel, i didn’t really have a plan when i started, i just wanted to write about a specific set of characters - and it was so nice to have a friend to read each installment and encourage me along the way!! they got me so hype to keep writing.

How you’ve grown as a writer this year:

i genuinely thought that i was incapable of writing anything over 20k. i was just like “i am a short fiction writer and that’s that” but i really fell in love with the characters of my now-novel and i just wrote and wrote until i completed the story i wanted to tell, without pressuring myself to reach any particular milestone other than an loose word count and completing the narrative. getting back into REGULARLY writing (500 words a day, 5 days a week) as well as regularly reading to keep my brain active and immersed in stories was super good for me!! my characterization and use of physicality has grown a lot over the last year, and my confidence as a writer as well!! i still struggle with imposter syndrome obvs, but i feel like i accomplished something so big this year and i am very proud!

What’s coming in 2021:

more haikyuu!! fan fic (gasp!) because my hyperfixation hasn’t gone away and i might possibly... post it... online... to be read and enjoyed by the general public??? shocking

adding another 30-40k to “a different kind of light” and hopefully finishing a full manuscript by may (marking two years since i started it!!)

i want to write a series of stories in the same setting as my novel following some of the side characters, i’m so excited to start~

i have no idea who to tag but if any lovely writers follow me, feel free to use!!^^

#writing meme #2020 writing meme #just writer things~#kaytie rambles #personal

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miss-tc-nova · 4 years

Text

Wish I Wasn’t - Bragi x Reader 1/2

I...This isn’t what I planned when I started this...And this probably wasn’t what you were expecting when you asked...I’m so sorry...

~~~~~

Part 1: Unconvinced

Anxiety gets the better of me—the shop closes early; it’s not like I was going to have many more customers on a Wednesday night anyway. Not even the books I’ve built my living off can bring me any comfort this time. The door is locked, munny is put away, and the lights go out before I slump upstairs to my apartment where I spend too long in the shower hoping the water will wash away the worry—it doesn’t. I feel so heavy, like I’ll just hit the floor at any moment and suffocate beneath the pressure.

The white fabric crumpled beside the bed catches my eye. It’s soft between my fingers and I can imagine the night he spent here: dragging fingers through my hair, talking nonsense while we stared at the ceiling, and the sound of his heart as I drifted away. Addiction drives me bury my face in the cloth and complacency rolls through me; a waft of cinnamon spice throws a blanket over my fretfulness—nothing ever could compare to the relief I feel surrounded by his scent. I’d say it’s a shame I had to return the fluff-coat—he always took it when he had something important to do—but I could really use the sedative right now. Doing the best with what I’ve got, I pull the t-shirt over my head and curl up on my bed.

He told me he would be fine and the first time, he was. But this time, the faint nervousness in his expression sent mine skyrocketing. It’s only been a few days and my brain has already imagined a million terrible scenarios. I can’t help but worry so much that it brings tears to my eyes.

~~~~~

Eyes snap open, showing me my shadowed room. Everything is perfectly still and I consider I had one of those ridiculous falling dreams. But I was wrong: another round of knocking comes from the door leading to the alleyway.

Heart pounding in my chest, I flip the light on, slide from my bed, and bring with me the knife I keep for emergencies. My eyes check the locks on the door which are still securely in place. Leaving the chain intact, I release the second lock and open the door just enough to peak through.

There’s a young man standing on the other side. Even half shrouded by darkness, there’s no mistaking that wild hair and fur-lined jacket.

The knife clatters to the floor, abandoned by my fingers fidgeting with the chain. When I’m able to throw the door open, I launch at the boy. The grimace is ignored in favor of consuming all the relief I’ve been craving. It doesn’t matter that my eyes burn or my head is throbbing—he’s here.

“Geeze, were you gonna stab me? What a terrible way to be welcomed back.” Of course the first words out of his mouth are some smart-ass comments.

“It’s the middle of the night. How else do you expect me to greet an unexpected guest?” I mumble into his chest.

“Okay, fair enough. Now get inside.”

My victim is reluctantly released and let into my home. An over-dramatic groan fills the room as he finds the bed; I earn another from him when I chastise him.

“Oi! Smarmy Fluffcoat! Your shoes!” With a roll of my eyes, I grab his foot and pull. Shoes tossed by the door, I come back to Bragi throwing his jacket across the room too—I’ll be taking that later. “You bum. You’ve been here thirty seconds and are already making a mess.”

“I am sooo tired.” Having thrown his second shirt across my home, he flops onto his back.

I love seeing Bragi in this skin-tight sleeveless shirt; he’s far more toned than one would expect with his choice in clothing. My hand pauses, hovering over his chest—peeking from under his shirt is a purple spot. The concern instantly takes over and I start tugging at the fabric.

“Ack! Wait-Hold on!” The red-head pulls the last shirt off himself and the sight becomes clear; stretching across his chest is a massive, violent blotch.

My hand immediately goes to my mouth, only to fall again in my outburst. “What happened?!”

That simper doesn’t ease my nerves as much as he probably thinks. “Just got into a little scuffle.”

“A little?! This bruise is bigger than my arm!”

“The Heartless got in a good sucker punch. What can I say? I got a little over confident.” Those eyes scrutinize me, not finding what he hoped to instill in me. Finally, he lowers the aloof attitude. “Look, I’m okay, just a little sore. I promise.”

This is never going to reach a point where I’ll feel better about the situation but there’s nothing I can do about it now except deal with the aftermath—no matter how much it bothers me. Letting lose a sigh, I amble towards the fridge for ice. The homemade ice-pack and a bottle of water are shoved into his hands and I double back to the kitchen for some pain relievers.

By the time I return, my head reminds me that I’ve been worried sick over this kid. His dose is administered before I take mine.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks, giving up the bottle.

The pills go down with water. “You—you’re what’s wrong with me.”

“What did I do?”

“I haven’t seen you in days,” I retort, returning the pain killers to the kitchen. “The last I heard, you were off on a mission looking for missing students who may or may not have been killed. Do you know what that kind of information does to someone who cares?”

“Aw, you care?” I could slap that smirk off. “Okay, not the time to joke around.”

That smarmy persona sloughs off with a heavy exhale, leaving behind someone who’s spent far more than he had. An arm extends to ask for me. The moment my fingers slide into his hand, Bragi pulls me into his lap. Engulfed in his grip, I can feel the tremors he’s been trying to suppress. He hides is face like a child trying to block out the world and I know whatever happened out there scared him more than he’ll ever tell me. He assured me he would be fine; sure he came back to me in one piece but having him rattled and shaking is not fine.

Combing fingers through his hair, I try to sort out the things I want to say. It’s well past midnight when the trembling dies out. Maybe it’s a subject that should wait until morning, but I need him to know: “I want you to quit.”

For a moment, nothing happens and I wonder if he’s fallen asleep, but then he lifts his face to me. Remnant tears clinging to his eye lashes do nothing to argue my stance on the matter, but Bragi genuinely seems to think I’m crazy. “What?”

He’s been training for this his whole life; it’s been his dream to see other worlds and he’s always bragging about protecting the world order—and I hate it. The words are bitter, however, because I know he would never say such things to me. “I want you to give up being a key bearer.”

In disbelief, his head shakes. “No, I-”

“Look at yourself,” I plead. “You’re all bruised and shaken up and you’re not even a master yet.”

“I know I’m still a newbie but I’m sure it’ll get easier.”

“No, it won’t.” He frowns at my harshness. “The better you get, the harder the jobs will be. This is only the beginning and things are going to get worse.” Taking his face in my hands, I need my intentions to get through. “I can’t stand to see you like this. Please, Bragi, I…I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”

“…I’m sorry.” Those aren’t the words I wanted to hear. “Look at me.” A gentle nudge guides my gaze to meet his. “I’m sorry for scaring you, but I’m alright—it just caught me off-guard. I’ll get stronger; this will get easier. I’ll be okay.” A finger silences the argument before I can make it. “I’m not giving up just because of a few bruises so early in my career. Besides, there are people depending on us; my friends would never let me hear the end of it if I quit now.” The hair gets brushed from my face. “We can talk about this later if you want but I’m done for the night. Also, is that my shirt?”

I look down at the garment. “Yeah. It made me feel better.”

His chuckle instantly lightens the mood. “I want that back tomorrow.”

“What? Why?” My complaint is more genuine than expected.

Having recovered from the depression, he pulls me back in, nuzzling into my shoulder. My heart feels a million times lighter at the touch of his lips against my neck. “For the same reason you like to steal my coat.”

His tongue flickers and goosebumps shoot across my skin. “You know about that?” I murmur, subconsciously giving him more room to work.

“Of course I do,” he says between kisses. “Why else do you think I let you have it for days at a time? It smells just like you when I take it back.” A shiver ripples down my spine; instead of a small taste, Bragi drags his tongue from my collarbone to my jaw. I’m ashamed to have given him the squeak that encourages this behavior. He always knew exactly how to make me fall for him and he’s destroying all my composure as if it were made of sand.

Teeth sink in. “Ow!” All I get in response is a mischievous laugh that never breaks contact. The longer his mouth works the spot, the worse it’s going to be but I honestly couldn’t care less right now—I just want to enjoy this and forget my fears for a while.

Relinquishing his hold at last, Bragi seals the mark with one final lick before admiring his work. The molten amber in his eyes, that haughty smirk, the confidence radiating from him: I love it all—I love him. Taking my chance, I push him down onto the bed and kiss him like my life depends on it.

For a while, he lets me have the reigns, giving all that I ask for—he likes to play me like that before flipping the table and turning me to mush. A glint of a predatory expression on his face is all the warning I get before he easily switches places with me to take control. A nip at my bottom lip—purely out of courtesy—gives him full access to my mouth.

The make-out eventually dies to lazy kisses and simply enjoying each others’ presence. He drifts away before I do, leaving me with my thoughts. I hate his job and the risks he takes but I’ll never be able to convince him out of it. There’s no limit to what I’d give for him to be safe, not that he’d accept it. Unfortunately, I have to settle with worrying about him and hope that he’s right: that he’ll get stronger and it’ll become easier.

Letting the thoughts flow past me, I hide away in his arms. The steady beating of his heart reminds me that he’s here right now and that he loves me.

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