#this actually makes sense cos i always thought it's hilariously stupid that he puts the word bat before all his stuff

[libraryofloveletters]

Rating CM Couples Because I’m Bored

*I think I put everyone that I can remember in here but if I'm forgetting someone, let me know!*

A/N: these are in no specific order and yes I know you didn’t ask for this but too bad :) also spoilers are in there if you have’t seen the whole thing!

----

Aaron and Haley

The high school sweethearts storyline was cute 

Great parents 

I still think she was cheating, it was a little shady that her phone rang right after he got off the landline 

“Make sure he knows you weren’t always so serious” or whatever she said was sweet

Her death didn’t cause tears but seeing Hotch cry out her death did cause tears

Feel like her storyline could have ended better, they didn’t really need to kill her but they did it for the ✨razzle dazzle✨ 

Maybe they could have gotten a divorce and been great co-parents 

Overall: 8/10 (her dying was a shitty end) 

Gideon and Sarah (the lady from the cabin) 

Very short storyline

She made him happy 

The dance scene in the cabin in Fisher King pt.1 was adorable  

Would have like to seen more of her 

Overall: 10/10 (they were the least problematic couple)

JJ and Will 

Love them 

Will is non-problematic (stan him for clear skin) 

Their family is adorable 

He’s a great father (literally put his job on hold and moved states for her to continue her job after Henry) 

She could have definitely treated him better 

Could have included their other kid more, it’s always about Henry

Will is always about JJ, JJ tends to wander ? (the je*d situation) 

Overall: 7/10 (cause of the je*d situation and they could have made the storyline better) 

Spencer and Mauve 

Again, short and shitty storyline 

There was so much more that could have been done here (like maybe let him be happy for once??)

In suspense for the longest time about the secret phone calls and when Mauve was finally introduced, we got like 2 minutes of proper screen time with her 

Their little dance was cute 

Her death was absolute bullshit 

She tells Spencer that she loves him on the phone and he's in shock so he doesn't say it back, then she hangs up 

When he finally sees her in person, she’s minutes away from her death 

He had to tell her that he didn’t love her even thought he did (at least it seemed like he did) 

Bringing her back in season 15 was nice so we had some closure ?? (but why was she blonde ? they have hair salons in heaven ??)

Overall: 6/10 (hated the way it ended :( )

Derek and Savannah  

Savannah was the perfect woman for Derek. She’s smart, has a good job with a weird schedule (like his), not to mention gorgeous 

But making him settle down with the first woman he really showed interest in, didn't make sense 

If he had a previous relationship that didn’t work and then introduced Savannah, it would have made sense 

They were well suited, personality and looks wise 

Would have liked to seen their wedding  

He got married and we didn’t even get to see it :( 

The way their storyline ended was a mess ??

He gets kidnapped and when she gets him back, she gets shot and they almost lose the baby, then Morgan almost gets himself killed again and barely got back in time for the birth 

Overall: 8/10 (could have been better written but they were cute) 

Matt and Kristy 

Unproblematic favs 

King and Queen shit 

Great parents 

Love love love their storyline, from CMBB to CM, it was all around good 

They’re both hot and educated 

I don’t understand where they had make to make a 5th kid when he’s never home, she’s a lawyer (that has to be time consuming) and 4 children to take care of 

Their love as always on display, seen the rawest version of it in 13x19 

Overall: 10/10 (love them)

Penelope and Kevin 

The shower scene when Rossi went to her apartment was the peak scandalous moment for them 

Her wants and needs were too much for him to handle 

She was super independent and he wanted her to do what he wants in a way 

The whole marriage plot was dropped real quick 

He wanted a farm ?? (if I remember correctly) and she didn’t want that 

The end of their relationship was weird 

They had that moment at JJ and Will’s wedding and then that was it ?? He kinda just vanished after ? 

Overall: 5/10 (average couple)

Derek and Penelope 

Top tier 

Would have be a power couple if they got together (already a power couple but would have officially been one) 

The way they look at each other

The way the protect each other, especially him with her 

They’re in love you can’t tell me otherwise 

If they weren’t in love, why would he come back to the BAU and only see her ? 

They probably hooked up on the lows 

There was a lot of potential here

“You’re my god given solace” 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Overall: 10/10  (my favourites!!) 

Spencer and Derek 

Cute cute cute

That’s been there since day one

They always had a playful relationship but Derek was always protecting him, no matter what 

Although Spencer wasn't physically capable of defending, he still tried in his own way 

Their relationship has grown a lot since season 1 

“we’ll be bound together through space and time and some day, in another life, we will meet again” “I'll be waiting for you” like come on, in love. 

there was a lot of potential here too 

Overall: 9/10 (-1 cause it didn’t actually happen) 

Aaron and Emily 

Could definitely see the tension between them 

There was 100% chemistry there 

They both think alike, they’re very critical thinkers which for obvious reasons wouldn’t have works

Would have been cute tho 

In 4x03, you could see the worry on his face when she was inside. It was more than a boss/subordinate worry, he genuinely cares about her 

Overall: 7/10 (could have been better) 

JJ and Spencer 

Would have maybe made sense if they introduced it season 1-2

Didn’t make sense after she was married and had 2 kids 

The confession she gave him felt forced (under the circumstances, they were but still) 

The awkwardness after was weird, like you’re telling me the team and Will didn’t pick up on it at he wedding ?

Overall: -1/10 (je*d)

Tara and Daryl 

The moments they had were sweet afterwards like their hug 

They both had grown a lot since their marriage 

It was very mature of her to be happy for him after they split (she’s cool like that) 

Very short storyline 

Overall: 6/10 (they were very normal) 

JJ and Emily 

Elite 

Would have a power couple if the writers had actually put them together

should have confessed to Spencer that she loved Emily and not him 

All their moments were adorable 

Hot moms and Co parent Will (would have been so cute) 

Overall: 9/10 (power couple) 

Emily and Andrew 

Short storyline

Kinda pointless ? 

Felt super last minute and rushed 

Their dinner date was cute 

Overall: 5/10 (they were eh, could have been written better) 

Luke and Lisa 

They were cute

Again a very short storyline 

She was very determined to make Luke talk about his feelings (kinda pointless ?? he’d talk when he as ready) 

Should have called it quits after Phil died 

Wasn’t needed to drag it along, but they did and we didn’t even see her?? They just kept mentioning her 

Overall: 6/10 (average couple) 

Luke and Penelope 

Adorable 

Would have loved to see this storyline start earlier 

Maybe get to see the date ?? 

Their little flirting/bantering was cute 

There was definitely chemistry there 

Overall: 8/10 (super cute)

Spencer and Max 

This felt so rushed 

She was there for 2 episodes 

Dragging her into the Cat plot was shit 

It was nice to see him happy tho 

Would have liked to seen her nephew again, he was funny 

Overall: 5/10 (didn't really like this) 

Aaron and Beth 

This was cute 

They made each other happy 

She was good with Jack 

Understanding about his job (unlike miss haley 🙄)

Would have to seen this go somewhere else 

Her taking the job in Hong Kong was just a shitty end for their relationship 

Overall: 7/10 (could have ended better, at least she didn’t die) 

Rossi and Carolyn 

This was sweet 

Her death was sad, it was clear he still cared about her 

She was only there for like 2-3 (??) episodes

Overall: 6/10 (unproblematic but normal) 

Rossi and Hayden 

This was also cute 

Joy was the only good thing from this marriage ?? 

Them dating for like half a minute was weird 

Making Rossi say that racist ass comment after he was literally married to beautiful woman of colour was stupid 

Overall: 6/10 (average couple) 

Rossi and Krystall 

Loved them together 

Their little sneaky links were hilarious 

Miss Krystall is a bad bitch 

She’s super supportive 

Overall: 8/10 (my favourites out of Rossi’s wives) 

Rossi and Strauss

Hilarious together, it was cute

Rossi was always on her ass, he did what he wanted 

Her death was kinda shitty, Rossi cared about her tho 

Reid and Garcia bumping into him and then seeing her was funny 

Overall: 6/10 (ended badly)

#tw jeid #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #spencer reid #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #david rossi #tara lewis #luke alvez #matt simmons #haley hotchner #savannah morgan #penelope garcia #kevin lynch #kristy simmons #william lamontagne jr #jason gideon #erin strauss #cm #criminal minds

[nikkoliferous]

Phase One: Thor

Since I was looking up my past live-blog of the novel and realising how annoying and repetitive reading through it all is because of my having structured it as a bunch of reblogs, I’ve decided to organize it all into one long-ass post instead. In case anyone else wants to read it in the future. Or in case I decide to re-read it. Because I’m hilarious. 😅

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

My Hilarious Yet Wrathful Overview Of Phase One: Thor, Redux

—

If your son who’s to become king requires a babysitter to not screw it all up and also the idea of him being king is stressful enough to put you into a coma, maybe, uh… reconsider doing that? Just a thought.

But you see here why Odin was so deadset on Thor becoming king, despite him being ill-suited for the role. It’s not about what’s best for Asgard; it’s about personal legacy. Thor is Odin’s mini me, and Loki is very much not. There are places within the text where Odin laments Thor “lacking his father’s wisdom” (he’s definitely inherited your humility, though, Odin!), but he hopes for Thor to grow into a “wise king” like himself. Whereas he holds no such illusions (lol, pun) that Loki will ever take after him.

now with tag commentary! #this scene is in the script and both novelizations #(though in reading this novel seems to just be a more complete version of the junior novel? #idk i'm confused because they're supposedly written by different authors but so far the text is identical) #and it drives me insane each time i read it

“Haha, I’m a warmongering piece of shit, isn’t it funny?”

I know, I know. I try to cut Asgard some slack for being such a militaristic culture because social changes happen slowly and when you live for thousands of years per generation, it makes sense that your views on things like war would be regressive. The text says Odin has ruled Asgard for tens of thousands of years (so much for taking Loki’s “give or take 5,000 years” line literally; sure, the Odinsleep would have extended Odin’s lifespan, but by that much? Idk).

Still, fuck Odin. Especially since he’ll eventually try to shame Loki for doing the same thing he’s fucking boasting about here. And on a much smaller scale too.

…is it, though?

I actually think Loki’s relationship with being the centre of attention is really interesting in its complexity and we don’t discuss it enough. I’ve said this before, but he strikes me as the sort of person who craves attention but also wouldn’t really know what to do with it if he had it. He craves it as a result of neglect, because he’s never been shown recognition or validation. This is why he seems to revel in it in Stuttgart, even in (or maybe especially in?) his brainwashed state. But he also frequently comes across as pretty introverted and has horrible self-esteem, so I think on another level, sustained, genuine attention would make him feel kind of uncomfortable. Loki seems to believe that in order to be loved or respected, he has to literally be Thor, though. And Thor has always been the centre of attention, so for Loki, attention is synonymous with respect.

I find Loki’s relationship with wanting attention especially fascinating because I too both crave and fear it. As a borderline, I need it. When no one is paying attention to me, I lose my sense of identity. I feel as though I literally cease to exist. It’s excruciatingly painful. And yet, I have no authentic sense of self; I’m just a chameleon, and the closer people get to me, the more likely it is they’ll see behind my mask. They’ll realise it’s all a show and that I’m actually no one. And then they’ll leave. I can’t help wondering if that’s how Loki feels sometimes too.

Wait, what? You mean goat. His horns are shaped like a goat’s. This is a ram: 

This is a goat:

This is Loki:

Do you see now? They’re like a goat. Not a ram. Not a cow. A GOAT.

This book was written before Ragnarok was a thing, so it may be unfair to connect the two, but it still seems worth noting that it was Thor who reduced Loki to being no more than a trickster to begin with. “You could be more,” my ass. Loki’s problem has never been that he was one-dimensional; it was always that the people in his life, including Thor, refused to see any other dimensions to him. Which makes those words particularly cruel—as if they aren’t cruel enough already, what with the physical torture and all. 

Always happy to have cause to point out that

Loki was on Thor clean-up duty their whole lives; he certainly was not trying to kill Thor.

People like to point to Loki’s attempted genocide of the Jötnar and attempted(-ish? lol) conquest of Earth as proof that he’s some kind of violent maniac. But in a little place I like to call reality, Loki was historically far less aggressive and bloodthirsty than his peers.

Question: why is one conqueror evil and the other is righteously entitled to ruling over the Nine Realms?

Asgardian exceptionalism FTW

I can’t even begin to imagine what would lead you to expect such a thing, Odin. 😂

Uh, ‘cause it is?? And also their planet is MELTING without it??

This is all only within the first two chapters, btw. Lmao

—

—

—

“Looking for answers,” my foot.

YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN’T YOU??

#i mean unless you knew heimdall #he only commits treason on days that end in y

—

—

What’d I say? Thor clean-up dutyyyyy 

Just wanna remind everyone that this 

is why he’s smiling during this scene 

because it makes me laugh every time. 😂 

—

My heart breaks every time I remember that second excerpt because literally ALL OF IT happened to him when he survived falling through the wormhole. My poor boy. 😭

But also of note… Loki gets cold (and also does not like being cold). This interests me because 1) as many are aware, the prevalent headcanon that Loki has a low body temperature irritates me and 2) it possibly(?) lends weight to the theory that he may not be fully Jötun, whether by virtue of his birth or Odin’s spell.

Haha, look at this Feminist Icon™ trying to take credit for his female friend’s accomplishments! Truly inspiring. 

#for some reason the ragnarok lovers have somehow decided that thor is both a feminist and lesbian icon #whatever that means 🤷‍♀️ #and i'm still trying very hard to figure out why #is it literally just because he *says* he respects women or whatever in that dumb rambly conversation with valkyrie?

Ooh… you were so close to getting the point, Volstagg. So close. Take your tongue off Odin’s boot for just a couple minutes longer.

Also, the author just forgot the name of the Casket. How did this book get published? 😂

JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS, HUH?

Because fuck Loki, amirite? He, uh… he’s a prince too, you know.

Also… Fandral, you dweeb 😂

…am I reading too much into this, or did Odin just literally forget that Loki exists?

On the other hand, the author also seemed to forget Loki existed for most of this chapter, so who knows. 🤷‍♀️

lmao @ Jane immediately trying to convince herself she’s too rational to be attracted to a stranger 

Honestly, though, big mood. 

Just your periodic reminder that Thor’s sycophantic friends KNEW Loki was right and decided to throw him under the bus anyway. 

Just as I’ve always said: That was it. That was their ENTIRE rationale. That Loki *could* have done it, therefore he must have. Please tell me these people have nothing to do with Asgard’s justice system.

…lol, jk, Asgard has no justice system.

Ok, first of all, no.

Second: thank you, Fandral. You’re a self-absorbed cad, but also evidently Thor’s least stupid friend.

Thirdly, how…? First, it was, “Loki arranged all this because he’s jealous of Thor.” Now they’ve suddenly jumped all the way to, “All of Asgard is in danger.” What exactly does Sif think Loki is planning? He’s gonna, what… assassinate Odin and then sell Asgard to the Jötnar?

—

Please stop hurting me.

Just so there’s no confusion: this one sentence explains everything Loki did for the rest of the movie. It explains how a person who has been historically non-aggressive suddenly transforms into a warmonger. To prove himself a real Asgardian, like his brother and father and grandfather. 

—

…why did Odin fall into the Odinsleep in two completely different scenes in this book? I’m super confused.

Also, we really need to talk about how cruel it is of Marvel to keep forcing Loki to prove his loyalty again and again and again when he’s been doing so almost literally since we met him. And by “we need to talk about it”, I mean I need to tie Kevin Feige and co. to a chair and spend a minimum of five hours lecturing them on how poorly they understand their own fucking character.

Let’s just be clear here: they’re talking about Loki. They’re saying Loki, their LEGITIMATE king, is an enemy of Asgard, based on evidence so paper-thin it’s practically invisible. Just… please, let that sink in. Take a moment to appreciate how utterly fucked up that is. 

I’m sorry (not really), but Thor was so much funnier before Ragnarok.

This scene has always kind of bugged me. If Odin removed Thor’s powers, how come he can still control the weather? Confusing.

So what exactly was Thor’s plan anyway, before he realised he couldn’t lift Mjölnir? He was just gonna call on Heimdall to help him commit treason AGAIN, show up on Asgard against the expressed command of his king, and… Odin would just shrug and be like, “You got me, son! I guess I can’t keep you down. Welcome home!”?

…I mean, I guess that more or less is what happened in the end, but it’s hard to imagine it would have still gone down that way without all the stuff that happened with Loki. Idk.  

#look what i'm saying is... thor is not exactly a thinking person #no one on asgard is a thinking person #except loki but he's crazy now so he's also thinking somewhat poorly lol

Cool, Thor. Now imagine feeling that way for ONE THOUSAND YEARS and develop a little fucking empathy for your brother.

But you won’t.

You’ll brush off his feelings of worthlessness as “imagined slights”. 😒

Nice that somebody knows how the royal line of succession works, I guess… 

That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s just my heart breaking. NBD. 

First, they mislabelled it the Casket of Eternal Winters. Now it’s the Cask of Ancient Winters. Author must have been thirsty when they wrote this. Lol 

Look, not to nitpick, but this is not the recommended procedure when you see a storm that you don’t believe is of supernatural origin coming. I’m just saying. Lol 

Uh… ‘cause he is?? And your pals are committing treason AGAIN, Thor, so it technically is responding to a threat to Asgard. Just FYI.

Anyways, this is an important point that doesn’t get made often enough. People want to act like Loki illegally usurped the throne somehow, but even without the deleted scene that explicitly shows Frigga passing rulership to him (a scene which is, for some reason, entirely skipped over in this book, but whatever), understand this: Loki could not have controlled the Destroyer unless he was legitimately King of Asgard. The fact that he’s able to do so is irrefutable proof that his rulership is valid.

lmao you little shit

So… here’s my issue with this scene (and with Thor as a character): He always assumes that Loki’s acting out specifically to hurt him. That Loki’s entire life and thought process revolves around Thor. He does it in this scene, he does it in The Avengers… it’s just a chronic thing with Thor. Everything is viewed through the lens of Loki inexplicably hating him.

But that’s… just not accurate. Yes, Loki harbours a lot of jealousy towards Thor. But that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Loki is not trying to kill Thor here because he wants him dead; he’s doing it because Thor (and his friends) are getting in the way of Loki completing his ultimate goal. Loki tried to solve this problem non-violently, by lying about Odin being dead. It’s Thor’s friends who all but forced his hand by going behind his back and trying to bring Thor back to Asgard against Loki’s (and Odin’s!) direct orders.

For all the humility he’s learned in the past few days, this entire speech is still really all about Thor. About assuming that Loki’s doing this for personal reasons, because he holds a grudge against Thor for some unknown reason. This is implicit in his request to “take [my life] and end this.” It never even occurs to him that his friends are traitors to the Crown and Loki, as King of Asgard, is perhaps justified in pursuing them.

It also needs to be acknowledged that Thor’s apology here is hollow, even if it’s ultimately coming from his heart, because he has no idea what he’s apologising for. “Whatever I have done to wrong you” is not an apology. An apology addresses specific hurtful actions taken and commits to not repeating those mistakes in the future. Thor cannot commit to not repeating the hurtful things he’s done, because he doesn’t know what he’s done. Despite his best intentions, what Thor is doing here is actually kind of manipulative. He’s not addressing any substantive issue between the two of them; he’s just trying to talk Loki down. And it ultimately fails not because Loki doesn’t care or because he wants Thor dead, but because it doesn’t actually change anything.

Finally and only semi-relatedly, we should maybe at some point talk about the fact that Loki, who is stated to be a master tactician, has displayed a weird pattern of hardly ever being as lethal as he could be. He freezes Heimdall in place instead of killing him outright; he backhands Thor with the Destroyer instead of incinerating him; he, well… *gestures vaguely at almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie* Anytime the violence is even a little bit personal, he seems to hedge. Odd behaviour for somebody who’s supposedly super evil.

I’m sorry, I know I’ve pointed it out at least a hundred times before, but I just can’t encounter this scene in any form without taking a moment to appreciate how underrated and hilarious it is.

I also genuinely wonder how many Ragnarok stans who have accused me of having no sense of humour, have failed to laugh at moments like this one. Kinda feel like if you need to have the comedy spoonfed to you in the form of ass jokes, maybe you’re the one whose sense of humour is lacking. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s be super clear: this is not what happened. Loki did not betray Odin; he was betrayed by Odin. He did not open Asgard to its enemies; he attempted, misguidedly, to destroy Asgard’s enemies. And he most certainly did not commit suicide out of a sense of guilt.

I’m not saying Loki did nothing wrong, nor am I saying he feels no regret for the lives he has taken. What I’m saying is there’s no indication that he believes he betrayed Odin or Asgard in the process. Which makes perfect sense, because he didn’t. Everything he tried to do was for Odin and Asgard. It was misguided and horrible, yes, but it can hardly be classified as a betrayal.

The insurmountable burden on Loki is not that he did terrible things, but that no matter what he does or how hard he tries, Odin will never look at him with anything but contempt. Consider once more these passages from the very beginning of the book, at Thor’s coronation:

—

Consider that this book goes to great pains to point out that Odin favours Thor because Thor is a warrior like him. And yet even when Loki embraces that, even when he acts more war-like than ever before, Odin rejects him— just as he always has.

There is a reason why this moment is the last time Loki will ever call Odin his father. Because he realises once and for all that, no, nothing he tries will ever be good enough; no, Odin won’t ever look at him with pride. That is Loki’s burden. That is why he lets go.

The epilogue is really just two pages of making me want to vomit. 

There’s your party where Thor and a certain subset of the fandom insist that Loki was mourned. There’s barely an indication here that anyone even perceives his demise as a negative thing.

“[Sif] could see Frigga thought [Loki was dead] as well” also contradicts the tie-in comic for TDW, so I don’t know what the author is on about there. Unlike the majority of Marvel comics, the tie-in comics are canon to the MCU, so it’s a bizarre statement to make.

COULD YOU SMEAR THE DEAD* ABUSE VICTIM A LITTLE HARDER, PLEASE? Fucking hell.

No matter how many times I encounter this scene, in whatever format, I still fail to become desensitized to how disgusting it is. I realise there’s a good chance that whatever version of events Thor has been told was twisted at best; but how you can look at a man whose son has just committed suicide under any circumstances and say there will never be a better father than that guy, is utterly beyond my capacity to understand.

And Odin’s “you’ve already made me proud” line just feels like extra salt in the wound because, again, Loki let go because he realized Odin would never say those words to him. And yet they come so damn easily when it’s Thor.

Fuck this entire family so much. I think I hate them more than Loki does. Sometimes I wonder what he would think about that. How he would react to knowing that not only is he actually loved, but that he’s so loved that people are genuinely furious at the way he’s been mistreated. That there are people who regularly devolve into full-on rants because they just can’t contain how much anger they have towards the people who hurt him. I think he’d have a hard time wrapping his head around that concept, tbh.

Anyways, to end on a not-completely-depressing note, I’m still waiting for someone at Marvel to explain how Loki knew what Thor said in this scene after plummeting into a wormhole. ‘Cause he references this conversation as Fauxdin at the end of TDW. So like… ?? Did he steal Odin’s memories before he erased them? Because that would be… kind of neat, actually. And very clever. Not entirely ethical, of course, but it’s Odin, so fuck ethics.

WELP, THAT’S IT. Thanks for following along with my dumbassery, hope you enjoyed yourselves. Lol

#phase one: thor #loki meta #thor meta #odin's a+ parenting #frigga's b+ parenting #topic: thor and loki's broken relationship #loki #thor #heimdall #lady sif #the warriors 3 #jane foster #ragnarok cinematic universe #mcu #topic: asgardian hypocrisy #topic: asgardian militarism #topic: odin's family dynamic

[blorbosexterminator]

Thanks @spiny-norman for tagging me! I definitely think it's time for me to try and put an overview of my thoughts coherently in one place, instead of the cluster I've left my blog in lmfao.

For lack of better words, here's a review of s5

I'll start with the positives too! The things I truly enjoyed:

The action was really thrilling and well-done.

It was funny. That is a very important aspect to me lmfao. I was truly worried the season was going to be too edgy for its own good and sacrifice its trademark humor. Tamayo was easily a highlight of this season. I loved that man from the moment he showed up in season 3, and he only got better this season. Alicia was also one of my favorite things. She's just so hilarious, I'm rooting for her to betray everyone and fuck them up.

In la banda itself, Tokyo and Denver completely stole the show, with magnificent acting from both Jaime and Ursula and genuinely good writing for them this season (something I can't say for the other characters), and the way they stayed true to themselves and yet evolved in such an organic way will always stay with me.

Tokyo deserves a whole point on her own even though I haven't shut up about her for nearly a week now lmfao. I'm still amazed at the perfect way her arc was handled, I could have never imagined or wanted anything different for her. It was a hugely bold move to place this in the finale of the first volume because I have no idea how they'll top it with anything now. Ursula obviously stole the scene, but everyone's acting in that scene punched me in the gut repeatedly. Very few characters' deaths in all media really affected me generally speaking, but I just know Tokyo's is here to stay with me.

Now, for everything else. This is already long but it's about to get longer lmfao.

First, I genuinely disliked how the show handled its political aspect this season. It was never perfect at it tbh, with a lot of misplaced allegories, but it was fine. The reason it was fine is because, other than a few weird moments, the show stayed realistic. It was was character-driven, and most of the time, the characters didn't mold themselves to be activists. This seasons' progressive tone was very out of place. I know a lot of people took pleasure in Bogota's speech while he beat Gandia, but it took me out of the mood. It was out of character and very ill-fitting to Gandia. I disliked Martin's speech nearly as much. Again, it was very out of character and ill-fitting. The really fun and realistic thing about the previous seasons was that just because a character was a minority or in some unfortunate group for one reason or the other, it didn't change anything. It didn't make them better people. Martin was still an egotistical, narcissistic, power-hungry, misogynistic, macho piece of shit. The fact that he was gay changed nothing, it didn't make him kinder to fellow oppressed people, not once did he act or gave any indication that he thought of himself as a victim in that sense. They were very unnecessary scenes.

Speaking of the characters, outside of Tokyo and Denver, I didn't feel 'anyone'. All actors did more than an amazing job, Rodrigo and Alvaro were top notches. But it just, the story had suddenly changed from a character-driven story to a plot-driven one and the show didn't handle that change well. Raquel, Martin, Andres, and Sergio were just there. I'll come back to Andres later because he's a special case lmfao. But those three, with how huge their roles are supposedly now, literally were just there. Raquel was just going around shooting things and sometimes giving some order or the other. Martin is pretty much the same. And the only useful thing Sergio did was pull the kid out of Alicia.

Now, I get that Alex Pina said this volume will all be boom boom, and in the next volume we'll get more of the character-focused scenes, but I'm not disappointed because the scenes were few. No, I'm disappointed because they were out of character. Martin was very, very not Martin. He was just some guy lmfao. It's not that I just wanted him to be more of an asshole, which I did because he is an asshole (bless the Monica and Arturo scene tho) but also he was just very soulless. Very unrecognizable. The moment he showed up, took Raquel's order to stop the melting without even one objection or even asking her to explain lmfao, (even fucking Tokyo was like ????? and not Martin!!!), I knew that he's not himself this season. And I was right, this Martin didn't give a single shit about the gold, had no passion, no fire, no soul. It's not like he doesn't resemble 'Palermo' (whatever the fuck that means), he doesn't even resemble himself in the s3 and 4 flashbacks. This isn't healing or redemption. This is a complete personality change overnight. And it just made him a boring character ngl, he's just not entertaining or complex or intriguing anymore. He's literally just some guy with some cringy out-of-character moments that made me go ???? Not even asking about plan Roma and having no problem with not melting the gold, telling Bogota 'revenge is egotistical and bad uwu', his whole speech of being the shit of society or whatever were all highlights of how the show just threw his previous characterizations in the trash lmfo. I genuinely hope it was just because this volume needed to move without any obstacles from the characters and he'll go back more to who he is in volume 2, but I doubt it tbh.

The flashbacks. First, they were funny, and that is their only saving grace. Andres going 'LOBSTERS' in the middle of telling his kid that he ruined his life was top-notch. Other than that, they were terrible, terrible shitty writing. The show didn't connect them in any way to Andres' flashbacks in s3 and 4 and at the same time didn't connect them to bank heist (outside of the parallels of the water, diving, and gold in both heists). They were very disconnected from everything else, and even though I'm certain they'll have more meaning next volume, it doesn't erase the fact that they had none this volume and didn't establish any stones for connections. @spiny-norman Tatana isn't even my type lmfao so I got nothing from this.

Lastly, the relationship dynamics were so.....not there. We got about nothing other than the Tokyo stuff. No hermanos, no Martin and Sergio, no Sergio and Raquel, no flashbacks from the panning in the monastery, no Tokyo and Martin being a pain in each other's asses, no Martin/Andres and the plan, no Martin and Raquel beyond co-leading. If we had time for that stupid, stupid love triangle, then we could have had some meaningful interactions between the actual important relationships in the show. Monver defending each other and their relationship to other people was very <3 though.

The plan has no meaning. Sure, I enjoyed the action. But this bank plan itself was devoid of the soul it had since it first appeared. The bank plan was something like an individual character in previous seasons lmfao. It was the one true love story of Andres and Martin. I think the show could have balanced some of that with the action and thrill.

Again, I know it's all about the action. But the show had a true shining chance to have some iconic scenes between Raquel and the police now that Sergio was unable to participate, and we had absolutely nothing. No negotiation, no clever back and forth between her and the people she worked with for decades, just nothing. I loved seeing her in action, but the boom boom omg badass queen woman warrior with a gun thing gets boring. This fits Tokyo. Raquel's truest moments of really being a boss were supposed to be between her and the police. Just again, all characters were just doing the same thing. They were no longer brilliant, varied individuals each shinning through their own strengths that were already established. I only hope we'll get more of that in volume two.

I think this captures most of my thoughts about the volume. Sorry for long it is lmfao.

#lcdp #la casa de papel #Spoilers

[bytedykes]

Magnus Bane? :o

ABCD Headcanons: Magnus Bane

i got TWO for magnus which makes me so happy i love him so much literally im on the verge of tears constantly hkfhkkds

A: what I think realistically

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

A: magnus is the most bossass fucking bitch in town and high warlock of brooklyn is an understatement of the area he actually is the high warlock of, he has way more influence than just brooklyn but also he likes it so that’s his title<3 jkfsdhk also magnus has adhd

B: magnus having catlike instincts is literally SO funny bc on one hand it’s soft as hell (purring!! the leaning into someone’s palm thing!! liking his hair being played with!! etc) but also it has the potential to be SO STUPIDLY FUNNY eg magnus randomly smacking something off the table and then going oh shit oh fuck and snapping it fixed,,, magnus hating snow,,, and cucumbers,,,

also another one is magnus with “demon-like” traits, i thought of it while i was angry at someone (not naming names lol) for writing abt magnus having “demon urges” bc of his “demon side” (which is the most stupid fucking nasty concept ever 🤢🤢🤢 btw like u didnt ask but just in case u were curious jfhsdk i hate the concept of a warlock’s “demon side” making them inherently evil bc like STOP!!!! smh i hate dark!magnus in general but like this is New Heights of stupidity) so realistically and more humorously, FUNNY “demon-like” traits, such as making deals for no reason, having dope glowy eyes, turning the stove on too high and being slightly heat-resistant, incapable of eating unburnt marshmallows, anyway this hc is kind of on thin ice bc while it can be funny i feel like if i actually let it happen so many dark!magnus weirdos would warp it into smth truly horrible so this is just some 3am-brain anti-dark!magnus fun 😌😌

OKOK ONE MORE: magnus texting either like the oldest of men OR like a gen z kid on a sugar high. these can co-exist<3

C: not rlly a hc but more of an expansion of canon: the way magnus’ self worth is tied to what he does for/gives to people :’) literally it hurts me sm. this man needs therapy. additionally camille probably fucked up his sense of self worth big time (implied noncon tw) and hammered it into him that he wasn’t worth anything unless he puts out,,, aauugh (i dont have enough brainpower rn to rlly go into it but if anyone wants to see a not!fic i’ve had abt it dm me or send me an ask off anon fhjsk)

D: magnus and ragnor have biweekly brunches where they sometimes invite raphael and have a “being immortal dramatic asses” night that almost always ends up with them at the loft on their way to getting completely hammered bitching abt one thing or other

anyway im tired but i hope this is readable jskfkd ✌😙💞

#asks #anon #ask game #magnus bane #sh #noncon ment #noncon tw #tagging it just to be safe #anti dark magnus #misc #ramble tag #RAGNOR FELL IS ALIVE AND WELL AND CANON CAN SUCK MY DICK

[gildedmuse]

Sora: Warrior Of The Sea

(A RedHawk Production)

Cavendish's constantly flirting with Law, because hey if it gets him a bigger role....

Zoro isn't sure why exactly, but he wants to punch Cavendish in the face. He's suggested (to Luffy, in private) that his character gets to do so multiple times. Luffy thinks it's hilarious. Of course Zoro wants to punch Cavendish.

Zoro: No, I mean our characters...

Luffy: Shishishi that doesn't make sense, Zoro. Why would Daichi punch Cavendish when Torao isn't even in the show.

Zoro: *grumbles* It had nothing to do with Torao.

Luffy: Unless---!!! Did Torao put himself in the next show? Who does he play? Does he have a costume? Is it awesome?

Zoro: What? No, of course he didn't -- You know you can read the scripts, right?

Luffy: That's boring. I'd rather see what happens. Although I'll bet I know what part Torao would give himself if he did!

Zoro: Someone with puppet string powers so he could force Ace and I to act more like the manga?

Luffy: Shishi, Zoro's always so funny. Noooooo, stupid. *Beaming up at him, like he knows a secret* I know what Torao would do. Torao would play a character that got to kiss Daichi! Shishishi.

Zoro: W-what?! *Under his breath, as if anyone cares about their conversation enough to listen in or would be surprised by this* Stop messing around, Luffy! Idiot! Why would you say something like that?

Luffy: Cause then he'd get to kiss ZORO. And in front of everyone, too, just like he wanted to- mmfff!

Zoro: Luffy! *jolts forward to cover Luffy's mouth* H-he does not want to--! No one wants to--! *Sighs, letting go before Luffy gets bored and starts licking his palm. He totally knows him too well* What a stupid thing to say.

Luffy: *Pouting beacuse it was NOT a stupid thing to say and he doesn't understand why Zoro is being so mean and weird when Luffy is being so helpful!* No it's not! Torao watched all - *Makes a longing sort of face, but tries to glare as well, the way Law does* - when Ace and Zoro kissed at the party last year. *Frowns at the memory, pointing an accusing finger in Zoro's face* Zoro is the stupid one for making Torao spend the rest of the party pouting in the back. He wouldn't even come watch me and Carrot have an eating contest and that was super fun!

Zoro: *Eye twitching* You moron, that's not the reason Law didn't want to watch you two eat. Anyway, he's always like that. He probably didn't even want to go to that stupid party in the first place.

Luffy: Everyone loves parties. Torao was probably having tons of fun until Ace and Zoro kissed, and it's worse because everybody saw!

Zoro: *Starts to ask why that’s so important but stops because Luffy logic* What does it matter? It was just some stupid party game. And Torao didn’t seem to mind when Cavendish kissed him earlier! 

Luffy: But Torao didn’t go all red after and tell everyone how good at kissing Cavendish is. 

Zoro: *Flushes all over again just at the memory. He might have been slightly tipsy. and as luck would have it Ace IS a really, really good kisser. In a way Zoro had not been expecting,*

Luffy: *Eyes go wide* That's why Torao wants to kiss Daichi! Then maybe Zoro will think Torao is an even better kisser than Ace AND everyone would see it so then they’d all know that Zoro belonged to Torao and likes Torao more! 

Zoro: *Knew that he’d regret learning Luffy’s logic behind the importance of everyone seeing him kiss someone* That’s not how tha-- Wait, no. *Shakes head, not believing he’s been dragged into this* I told you, Todorao didn’t write himself in the show. And if he did, he wouldn’t make a character who kissed Daichi. It wouldn’t be “like the original”. I, uh, flipped through the manga just to see if there were some better fights coming up. *Will die before he admits he read the whole series because Law seemed so upset he’d heard of it before* Daichi already has a love interest. It’s....*Shudders* Poison Pink. They even kiss this episode. *Looks like a man condemned at the thought that he’s going to have to kiss Perona of all people.* See it's right.... *Skimming the script, frowning when he can't find the page.*

Luffy: Shishishi. Only Zoro could lose his way inside a script!

Zoro: I didn’t get lost! It was here in the last draft I swear. *Flushing less out of embarrassment more of anger* Perona made me practice. Apparently my kissing isn’t “cute” enough for the princess. 

Luffy: Hmm.... *Thinks about Perona threatening Zoro to practice so he doesn’t gross her out while everyone is watching* 

Luffy: *Thinks about Perona being all gleeful cause she gets to boss Zoro around, even if it’s just telling him how he should kiss her. She’d probably make him do it again and again just so she got to keep bossing him around.* 

Luffy: *Pictures a mini Law peaking into the dressing room and seeing Perona get kissed by Zoro* 

Luffy: You should practice the kissing scene with Torao! *said loud enough that any crew member that hadn't picked up on the tension definitely knew now*

Luffy: *Pictures Law at a typewriter angrily slamming down  on the keys, furiously rewriting the scene*

Zoro: *an interesting shade of red* Wh-what are you talking about! And keep your voice down!

Luffy: Well, usually I help you remember your lines, because you're terrible at it.

Zoro: I am not! They just change too much that's all!

Luffy: But what if I couldn't help with the kissing scene because.... Hmm.... Because I was busy helping Ace!

Zoro: *Sweatdrop* I'm not sure that sounds right.... You should probably just say you don’t want to.

Luffy: So you'd have to ask Torao!

Zoro: Why would I--!! And besides *Shakes script in Luffy’s face* the kissing scene is gone. *So fucking relieved* 

Luffy: Oh, right.... Oh,  I know! I’ll bet Shanks would put it back in if we asked!

Zoro: No!

Luffy: But then you'd have a reason to kiss Torao! Though I guess you’d have to practice where everyone could watch, but we practice out on set all the time so just so that. And you wouldn't have to punch anybody!

Zoro: ...... I'd still want to punch Cavendish.

Luffy: Hmm… Well, maybe you could kiss Torao then punch Cavendish.

Zoro: *Doesn't reply, because this seems like a pretty good deal*

There's one time Luffy convinced Law to give in and try on the Sora costume. Bon Clay adores Luffy so it's not at all difficult to talk him into letting the two of them borrow it. Admittedly, Law feels a little ridiculous about how excited Luffy gets over playing dress up, but also.... He /does/ kinda want to try it on. Just to see. Still, he's determined to be seen as professional and not like a total fanboy at work so he makes Luffy swear not to tell a soul and promises himself he'll only try it on for a minute.

So naturally the second he's done up, Luffy runs off to get Zoro so he can see how cool Torao looks as Sora. Zoro gets pulled out of his trailer half dressed in his own costume - he's used to Luffy grabbing him and dragging him places with no explanation - only to be shoved into a small dressing room with a very flushed, embarrassed looking Law all dressed up like his childhood hero.

Luffy has to prompt him to tell Torao how badass he looks, seeing as Zoro is just /staring/ at Law. Not even at the costume, just at Law. That's wrong and boring as far as Luffy's concerned so he finally jumps in telling Zoro what to say. Which Zoro still managed to screw up by replying to, "Doesn't Torao look totally cool as Sora?" With, "Mmm, so cute." Before realizing, shit, said that outloud

Fellow writer Robin just happens to peek into the room while looking for Law in that moment and catches Zoro stuttering a correction while Law goes from embarrassed to full on smug, leaning closer to Zoro and flirtatiously asking "But what do you think of the costume?" enjoying the way Zoro's skin goes all flushed.

Robin decides she doesn't need Law that much at the moment, but she does secretly snap a photo on her phone. She's a total Daichi/Sora shipper. She has a secret account online where she writes fanfic of the two. She somehow managed to get a picture of Ace and Zoro in full costumes making out that no one can explain.

She watches the two of them for a moment before quietly backing out, smiling the whole time. She has so many plans for these two now.

I feel like Zoro would not care about awards at all, but notices that Law gets a bit more bitchy when award season comes around. Which means it does matter to him (even though he hasn't cared about them with past projects, the Sora show is very important to him. He just wants to see it get the recognition it deserves). So when there is a surprise upset and Zoro ends up winning Best Supporting Actor In A Drama Series, he doesn't even give a real speech but whatever. But when they end up landing Best Drama Series and all his co-workers erupt in excitement, Zoro can't help getting caught up in Law's barely hidden gleefulness and without thinking grabs him, pulling him in for a kiss.

Not even like a /good/ kiss. Less "I'm going to absolutely devour you", more "I'm so happy for you" mixed with a touch of, "God you're so cute when you get all over excited you dork". He has to lean down two rows, over Luffy's head, to grab Law by the back of his jacket just to pull him in for a quick, sloppy kiss. But it still managed to shock the fuck out of Law. He's so used to being the one to flirt with/tease an embarrassed Zoro that the kiss is more surprising than the win.

Luffy totally gives him a thumbs up of approval and well done high five that Law does not remember at all. Luckily for him, he accepts the award alongside Mihawk, Shanks, Hiyori, Jinbe and Benn so he isn't actually expected to speak at all. Which is a good thing, because even by the time backstage interviews start he's still a little lost. Not helped by reports straight up asking him about the kiss.

Thank God Shanks can talk about anything for forever. Benn mercifully removes Law from in front of cameras and let's Shanks dazzle/annoy them with another "When RedHawk Productions was just starting out....." story that he has an endless supply of

Corazon - the show runner from the first show Law ever worked on, who took Law under his wing - finds Law almost immediately and pulls him into a hug. Law finally starts to shake out if it and thanks Corazon for his support and believing him, congratulating him on the success of his miniseries Dressrosa, etc.

Corazon is immediately in there with, "Why didn't you tell me? Who is that boy? I mean I know who the boy is. Why didn't you tell me you were dating Roronoa Zoro!? Oh my God, is what they said about him and those two actresses true!? Is he going to do that to you? How could you not tell me!"

@randommouseclick

Law: Boa's trying to get into Mugiwara-ya's shorts, Perona's along for kicks and Zoro's a fucking himbo who's interested in neither.

Law: Do you REALLY think I'd let him get away with that shit, if it WAS true?

@gildedmuse

Corazon just WORRIES. Law is so innocent in certain ways. Cora doesn't want him to be taken advantage of.

Anyone Who Has Ever Met Law: Umm......

Corazon, Prior To Meeting Zoro: Anyway, *lights a cigarette while calm and collected* I'll speak with him first to make certain. No point getting attached to a bad element.

Corazon, Upon Meeting Zoro: Oh my God! *Pulls Zoro into a hug, tears streaming down eyes* Thank you so much for loving Law! I'm sure you two will be happy together for the rest of your lives.

Corazon making some poor camera man take pictures of the two of them like it's fucking prom.

Nami is Zoro's agent. Switching from representing a Stunt Coordinator/Performer to an actor with a starring role in what eventually turns out to be a hugely popular series had not been in her plans. On the one hand, her cut just went from 6 to 10 percent, and on top of his general pay raise that makes for a rather good take away. On the other hand, her job just got way more complicated. Stunt guys rarely have whole sections of the internet dedicated to them. They certainly don't end up with their picture in the trades alongside names like Boa Hancock. She's definitely had to earn that additional 4%.

Her main goal is to convince Zoro to keep taking similar (paying) roles while keeping him as far from the press as possible. Because every time you put this boy in front of a camera without a script it's a goddamn disaster. If he somehow managed not to piss off the media establishment due to him not giving a fuck then his fans - when the hell did Zoro get fans? She took this kid on as a favor! It was supposed to be easy - are probably throwing an absolute fit.

When this phenomena first starts happening with Hancock she calls up in a panic. WHY is Zoro always being photographed around her? Please don't say he's trying to hit on Boa Fucking Hancock. Do you know how fast that woman could sink his career? Possibly even Nami's!? That's how powerful this woman is and for god's sake won't Zoro just stay away. The press is having a goddamn field day wondering what their relationship is and Nami is shocked Hancock's personal security hasn't escorted him off the set of his own TV show.

By the time he kisses Law, Nami has learned to just roll with the punches. She's watching the ceremony live. Less than thirty seconds after it happens her phone blows up. This time it's the fans who are wondering who this mysterious sexy stranger is (a question that is answered literally less than a minute later when the show introduce who will be accepting the award, but that doesn't stop the topic from somehow trending), freaking out about Zoro maybe being gay, and theorizing about Hancock and Perona helping him stay in the closet by manufacturing all that drama. This is almost three years since he was hired for the show so by now Nami just shoots him a text like, "You're probably going to be asked about kissing that man since you did it on camera in the middle of the award show".

She is a little afraid when she gets the reply "laws realt cute when hes all happy huhh??" But only because it means Zoro's drunk. She's never actually seen Zoro drunk. She's not sure how much alcohol it would have taken. But she just texts her friend Robin to let her know if Zoro dies of alcohol poisoning and then heads into bed. That's how chill she's gotten over the last three years (also it's 12% now that he's won an award).

#so this is my crazy #maybe people shouldn't engage me in conversation #conversations with internet people #sora warrior of the sea #the tv show #zolaw #one piece au #donquixote rosinante #trafalgar law #trafalgar d. water law #roronoa zoro #monkey d. luffy #a whole lotta drama #one piece #sorry i'll shut up now

[lunawho47]

Buzzfeed Unsolved: The Mysterious Doctor and the Omen of the Blue Box (Part 1)

Fandoms: Buzzfeed Unsolved and Doctor Who

Genre: Total Crackfic, Humor

Rating: 16+ (for language)

Summary: A script for Buzzfeed Unsolved, in which our two favorite jackasses, the Ghoul Boys, discuss the various internet theories surrounding the identity of various mysterious figures known only as “the Doctor” and the blue box that tends to appear around them.  Well, Ryan wants to discuss the theories; Shane thinks it’s all urban legends and bullshit.

A/N: So, I’ve read a lot of these mock scripts going around for Unsolved discussing CW’s Supernatural as though it was real, and I thought they were hilarious.  So, my brain started wondering what theories the reddit and conspiracy boards would think up about mentions of the Doctor, the Doctor’s companions, UNIT, and Torchwood.  And to be honest, my brain came up with A LOT of theories that would make sense, and this format seemed a fun way to discuss all of them.  It was originally going to be a one shot, but as I started writing, Shane kept interrupting in my head about how stupid all of it sounds, and that kept making the script longer and longer.  So, it’s now going to be a few parts long cos the history of DW (even when seriously truncated) takes a long time to go through when you try to use the serials to make arguments about the Doctor’s potential identity(s).  

So, here’s part 1.  Please let me know if you like it and would like to see more.  And if Shane and Ryan sound anything like themselves because if they don’t then the whole thing is nowhere near as funny as it should be.

Ryan: Today on Buzzfeed Unsolved we're looking into the puzzling mystery of an entity known only as "The Doctor" and the corresponding omen of a blue box.  It's a mystery that, in its more comprehensive moments, is whimsically strange and, most of the time, is just plain batshit bizarre.

Shane: Okay, so I can hear the air quotes around the name, and you called it an entity.  Are we talking like, cryptid creature that is based in reality or am I going to be sitting through theories about zombie plagues and Ant-man Ax murderers again?  Just what am I in for here?

Ryan: No zombie plagues, and the Doctor has never murdered anyone with an ax.  At least, not in any of the records available. It's just...well, it's hard to explain here, so let's just get right into it.  Just bear in mind this is Gene Wilder Willy Wonka levels of weird when it's at its most sensical.  And it's rare that this story makes any sense at all.

Shane: Alright, I'll confess I'm...intrigued.  I'm ready to listen.

Ryan: Alright, here we go.  *opens folder*

Ryan (in his Unsolved VO):  The first documented evidence of a being calling itself "The Doctor" is in the files of now deceased British UNIT officer Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart.

Shane:  Wait.  UNIT?  What's that? Sounds like something out of a video game.

Ryan: (wheeze) It does a bit, yeah. But there is paperwork evidence that verifies this group -- lame as the acronym is -- actually existed.  They were set up in the mid-1960s by the United Nations to look into unexplained phenomena and for a long time they were a covert operation.  The British Prime Minister knew they existed, and they answered to Geneva, but they weren't known to the wider public until after they shut down three years ago.

Shane:  I'm sure that meeting went GREAT.  'Hey, everybody, thanks for coming down this Monday morning. Erm...thanks for protecting us from alien invasions for the last 50 years and for keeping such a great secret about it.  Here's your reward: you're all fired, and we're going to tell the entire world what your names were and let you deal with the press about it for the rest of your life.  Have a great rest of your Monday!'  (Wheeze) What a bunch of shitty bosses.

Ryan: I mean, based on what little there is to read about how UNIT operated, the Brigadier we'll be talking about really had to go to bat for the organization in front of the Prime Minister a lot over the years in order to keep the operation going.  After the Brigadier died, they were able to keep going for awhile, but as you'll see from some of these stories we'll be looking at today, the organization was considered obsolete long before it was disbanded.

Shane: Okay, so the Doctor first appears in conjunction with this UNIT?

Ryan: Right, so in the 1960s, there was some weird circumstance that led to the London Underground shutting down and the Brigadier, who was only a Colonel in the regular British army at the time, ran into what he described as a "(quote) man with a foppish haircut, ratty waistcoat, and tartan patterned clown pants; a young teenage girl; and a full Scotsman (end quote)."  

Shane: So which is the Doctor?  

Ryan: In this case, it's the first description.  The man with the clown pants on.  (wheeze)

Shane: (wheeze) Do you think he had clown shoes on, too?

Ryan: See, I know exactly what you're picturing right now.  You're thinking of a guy with a depressing Beatles haircut and complete clown regalia, including the extra large shoes.

Shane: I am.  100%  And you know, given some of the things we saw when traveling around London, including on (*with a terribly fake posh Oxbridge accent*) the Tube, a man dressed as a clown running around the platforms underground wouldn't even register as weird on a normal day.

Ryan: (Conceding) That is true.  And on a normal day, I'd agree with you.  But, bear in mind, this was the 1960s -- not the modern day -- and the Tube at the time was closed to the public because of this unknown threat the army was trying to deal with.  And what's even more notable -- the reason why the future Brigadier apparently wrote about it in his official report to the Prime Minister -- is that the man who called himself the Doctor, together with the two other civilians, saved the day.  The details are sparse, but the Brigadier makes it clear that the Doctor is the one who figured out what was really going on and managed to deal with whatever the situation was with minimal casualties.

And that's just the first time the Doctor and the future Brigadier crossed paths.  There are later documents that report the Brigadier -- now promoted from Colonel and officially a Brigadier -- came across the same man and Scotsman, but a different young girl in London just weeks after the military organization known as UNIT was founded.  And AGAIN, whatever the situation actually was, the Doctor and his friends were the ones that helped UNIT save the day.

Shane: Am I the only one who finds it suspicious that the details are always missing?  Like, shady organization set up by the government to look into extraterrestrial happenings?  Sure. (*puts hands in the air in surrender to argument*) I'll buy that.  Governments do shady shit all the time.  But, I mean, things like shutting down the London Underground and alien happenings in the city of London itself.  People are going to notice, right?  And how shitty are the Brigadier's write ups that no one remembers or knows any of the happenings in Britain's capital?  "Dear Prime Minister, stuff happened.  Doctor did some other stuff.  Stuff stopped.  The end.  TTYL."  Sounds like someone was crap at his job and when things just luckily worked out, everyone just swept it under the rug.

Ryan: You see, I would agree with you there.  BUT...there are pictures.  We can't show them to the audience because of copyright, but if you know where to look online, people love to discuss the Doctor and all the people who have gone missing while looking for the Doctor, so.  Investigate at your own peril. But, Shane, here you go.

*the audience can't see the photos hidden by Ryan's open folder, but we see Shane's expression.*

Shane: (*laughs*)  That Doctor looks like a moron.  I mean, I still think the Brigadier must have been crap at his job, but he was bang on his descriptor of the Doctor looking like a clown.  And I take it the guy in the kilt is the Scotsman?

Ryan: Yeah, I looked up what full Scotsman means when I read the description and apparently it means a guy who wears a kilt with no underwear on underneath it.  Before that, I just assumed that it meant this other guy was wandering around the Underground, playing bagpipes and singing songs from Highlander or something.

Shane: You thought this guy was wandering around singing Who Wants to Live Forever over a decade before the film came out.  (wheeze)

Ryan:  Well, when we get into the theories that idea won't seem entirely out of place, I don't think.

Shane: Well, I'm going to go ahead and call a preemptive bullshit on that theory.

Ryan: Noted.

Ryan: (back in Theory VO) The next record of the Doctor's appearance comes about in the 1970s when a man is admitted to a local hospital after collapsing outside of a blue box in the woods.

Shane: There was a blue box in the woods?  Like, human sized or was he scrunched up in it like Shroedinger's cat?

Ryan: We'll get back to the box in a minute, but it's larger than a human, yeah.  In fact, it was something called a Police Public Call Box, which were common to see on city or town street corners in Britain in the 1950s and 1960s. The idea was that if police or citizens saw a crime being committed, they could either phone the police from the box or shove the criminal in the police box and go fetch a policeman.  But what's weird about the box in this case is: 1) it's in the middle of the woods, and not even on like, a hiking path or anything.  But, the legit WOODS.  And 2) it's the 1970s and police call boxes are no longer really a thing at this point.  But, once the man calling himself the Doctor gets to the hospital it gets even stranger.

Shane:  I mean, everything about this story so far feels like the Brigadier spinning a yarn, but keep going.

Ryan: So, the Brigadier gets a phone call from the hospital that a man called the Doctor has been admitted to the hospital.

Shane: Wait, how did the hospital know to call the Brigadier about that?  Was there a national bulletin?  Is the Doctor a wanted man or something?

Ryan: I don't know, man.  Maybe the police just call UNIT whenever something with the label "fucking weird" comes across their desk.  I don't know.  This is just what the report says.

Ryan: (theory voice) Due to a situation UNIT was overseeing in the area at the time, the Doctor's appearance was notably auspicious for the Brigadier, so the UNIT officer went to see if his friend could help with the investigation.  However, when he got the hospital, he discovered that he the man calling himself 'The Doctor' was not anyone he recognized.

Shane: Wait...what?

Ryan: (laughing).  I told you the situation at the hospital is weird.  So, the Brigadier is told that this man who has helped him out before has been admitted to a hospital that is nearby a situation that UNIT is investigating -- a clear sign, in the Brigadier's mind, that this Doctor who is injured is the same one he's met twice before -- and then discovers that it's a completely different man.

Shane: Well, I mean...that's not *too* weird.  I mean, the man is in a hospital, and you usually see doctors in a hospital.  And I'm sure a lot of doctors are known more by their title than their surname.  There are millions of doctors on the planet, so I don't know if two different people wanting to be called Doctor is all that unusual.

Ryan: (with a haughty smile) That makes perfect sense, but listen to this.

Ryan: (Theory voice)  The Brigadier assumed at first that the patient calling himself the Doctor was a coincidence and started to leave the room.  However, he found himself called back when he heard the unknown man call the Brigadier by name. The conversation made it clear that, not only did the patient know the Brigadier's full name, but also knew the circumstances under which the Doctor and the Brigadier had met both times before. Information which, at the time, was highly classified and known only to those in the Prime Minister's office and those who had been in the UNIT planning room at the time of the situational crises.

Shane: Okay, I'm going to call it.  I'm going with spy.  I think the Doctor is a code name and this guy inherited  the call sign and the information from the Doctor's previous operations.  

Ryan: So, you think this is like, a 007 scenario?  

Shane: I mean, I'm sure you'll peddle some alien abduction theory or some other supernatural bullshit, but...yeah.  I'm going spy call sign.  Makes sense to me so far.

Ryan: Well, you might not be a *total* dipshit, but...we'll see.  There's still quite a bit more to cover. This isn't even the tip of the weird iceberg.

Shane: (sarcastically) Oh joy...

#buzzfeed unsolved #bfu #doctor who #fanfiction #(or at least fanfic adjacent) #the mysterious doctor and the omen of the blue box

[terreisa]

The Perfect Gift

Emma Swan has gotten away with trading out her pick for Secret Santa for three years. When she’s finally forced to keep the first name she pulls from the Santa hat it happens to be Killian Jones, the one person in the office that irritates her to no end.  She makes it her mission to find him a perfect gift and ends up discovering there’s more to the office Casanova than she’d ever suspected.

AO3

~*~CS~*~

“You’ve gotta be shitting me.  Let me pick again!”

Emma Swan groaned as her friend and co-worker Mary Margaret twisted at the waist so the Santa hat in her hands was well out of her reach.

“No.  I’ve let you, and only you by the way, re-pick for the past three years,” Mary Margaret said pointedly, raising her brow at her. “It’s not fair to the others who actually follow the rules of Secret Santa.”

“Rules you came up with,” Emma grumbled, scowling down at the name on the slip of paper in her hands.

“It can’t be that bad-” Mary Margaret sighed, “Zelena was transferred and Walsh was fired so there’s really no one truly terrible participating this year.”

“I think I’d prefer them over the one I did get.  Forget the fact that I can’t stand him, I don’t know what the hell to get him!”

“Who-” Mary Margaret began before her eyes widened and a pleased smile unfurled on her face, “You know exactly what he wants and it won’t even cost you twenty-five dollars.”

“Mary Margaret!” Emma hissed, embarrassed and shocked that her normally prim and proper friend went straight for an innuendo. “Gross.”

“Oh, come on, it’s no secret that Killian has had a crush on you from the moment he stepped foot in this office.”

Emma rolled her eyes at the familiar and franky ridiculous refrain.  Killian Jones was a well known film critic from England that had been hired two years before in an effort by the higher ups to expand their newspaper’s readership.  When he had walked in on his first day, with artfully tousled inky black hair, ocean blue eyes glittering with excitement, and tailored clothes that showed off a trim and toned physique, nearly every single woman in the office had attempted to help him set up his desk.  Emma, on the other hand, had appreciated the new eye candy and then returned her attention to the article she had been working on at the time.

She figured that it was her indifference that had Killian asking her later that day if she’d wanted to get coffee with him.  Of course, after watching him flirt and banter with all the helpful women in the office all morning she’d given him a withering look and a resounding no.  She’d been burned badly before by interoffice dating and she wasn’t looking for a repeat performance, let alone dealing with a no shame lothario.  He had merely given her a puzzled smile and wished her a good day before retreating to his desk. What followed was a year of watching him pull the same tricks with every available woman in the building while still brushing him off every few weeks.  As glad as she was that she hadn’t fallen for any of his pretenses there was an annoying stab of something in her gut whenever he walked someone new out the door with his hand low on their back.

Things had only taken a turn for the worse when Emma had been promoted to a full time writing position in the entertainment section.  While she’d been vying for a byline in that section for years she almost turned it down knowing she’d have to work almost daily near the man that had become the bane of her existence.  There had been an intervention from Mary Margaret, her husband David, and her roommate Belle to convince her to take the position. Even her own boss Tink, editor of the home and garden section, had had to sit her down and talk sense into her.  She’d emerged from her office an hour later, cheeks burning with the praise Tink had heaped on her and ears ringing with the passionate arguments she’d made in her favor. By the end of the week she’d moved her things to a desk across the office, one that was unfortunately situated next to Killian’s.

From the moment she’d unpacked her admittedly meager personal belongings Killian had seemed to take it upon himself to get on her last nerve.  He was constantly leaning over to ask her inane questions about her day or bore her with random bits of trivia he collected like a magpie with shiny things.  Though, she had to admit, it broke up the monotony of trying to think of a new way to write a review for a show that had jumped the shark three seasons before.  She also couldn’t find it in her to really complain about the perfectly made cup of coffee that was always annoyingly waiting for her when she was running late, which happened to be almost every day.  What really got on her nerves, however, was that his movie reviews were insightful, hilarious, respectful even when he hated the movie, and aligned with her own opinions so perfectly that she’d wondered more than once if he could read her mind.

Of course, everyone in the office saw all of that as tantamount to Killian having feelings for her.  Worst of all they saw her laughing at something he said, or drinking the coffee he made, hell even talking civilly with him as her returning those non-existent feelings. When it was really that she just found it easier to go along with his ridiculousness than to wear herself out actively loathing him.  She truly couldn’t stand him but no one else seemed to believe her.

“It’s not a crush,” she refuted though there was no heat behind it because she knew Mary Margaret wouldn’t believe her.

“Sure, uh-huh,” Mary Margaret singsonged with a grin.  She walked backwards away from her, still grinning, “Twenty-five dollars and we’re doing the exchange at the holiday party.  Good luck!”

Emma stuck her tongue out at Mary Margaret as she pivoted on her heel and made her way to the advice column's and editorial’s small cluster of desks.  She sighed, slightly glad she’d been cornered in the breakroom instead of at her desk where Killian would have definitely overheard something she didn’t need him to.  Then again she wouldn’t have had to once again brush of Mary Margaret’s ridiculous ideas of crushes and might have even stood a chance at getting to repick a name. With a groan of frustration she grabbed her now lukewarm mug of coffee and a random loose granola bar and headed back to her own desk, already mulling over and rejecting ideas for what to get Killian.

Twenty minutes and a thorough search of Killian’s almost too neat desk later and she was still at a loss.  She was fiddling with a paperclip to open the locked bottom drawer but knew she had already pushed her luck, time wise.  Killian and Robin, the editor of the sports section, always went out for lunch on Wednesdays and were always back in the office by ten till one.  Glancing at her watch she saw she had less than five minutes to jimmy the lock, dig through the drawer’s contents, get everything back in order, and be sitting innocently back at her desk.  Gritting her teeth in frustration she stood, tossing the half straightened paperclip onto her desk as she looked over the personal effects on his desk once more.

There were a couple framed photos: one was of him and another dark haired, blue eyed man, brother she figured from the resemblance; another was of a woman in soft focus with dark auburn hair that was curled to eighties perfection, his mother probably though Emma could only guess why he chose that photo to put up; the third and final frame wasn’t a photo but his review for the movie The Village, clipped from a newspaper and yellowed with age.  Aside from the frames there were only a few knick knacks: a small replica ship’s compass, a Rubick’s cube she’d seen him fiddle with when he was on the phone or stuck on wording for an article, and a potted plant she didn’t know the name of that he had somehow kept alive in their nearly windowless office. The only thing that seemed to give her any real insight was a thick, well worn paperback. She didn’t recognize the author’s name but the title rang a bell and having no other leads she resigned herself to jotting both down on a Post-It as a starting point.

“Interested in the works of Edwin Stephens?”

Emma jumped at the sound of Killian’s voice next to her.  She breathed a sigh of relief that she’d sat at her own desk to write the name down before realizing she had to come up with a reason for doing it.

“Uh, looking for present ideas-” she winced at her own stupidity, rushing on hoping he wouldn’t catch on to her, “For David.  Mary Margaret’s husband? He’s a big reader. Of everything. Hard to get him something he hasn’t read yet, you know? Thought I’d check if he had any of this Stephens guy’s books the next time I go over for dinner.”

Killian chuckled, settling into his chair, “He might, Stephens isn’t particularly popular but now that his work is finally getting the quality adaptations it deserves more people are starting to read his books.”

“So he’s your favorite author then?” She teased, delighting in the tips of his ears going pink.

“Since I was twelve and a neighbor let me borrow Absolute Bearing.  I was a bit young to be reading it but I loved it. Didn’t actually give it back to the neighbor, now that I think about it,” he hummed thoughtfully before shrugging and picking up the book on his desk. “If Mary Margaret’s husband doesn’t have Siege Perilous then it’s the one to get.  It’s considered to be one of Stephens’ best, and not only by me I’ll have you know. It’s also going to be a limited series on HBO next fall.”

“Really?  ‘Cause it kinda looks like you don’t like it at all,” she deadpanned, eyeing the well bent spine and slight discoloration of the pages.

He rolled his eyes at her, “Ha, bloody, ha, Swan.  I’ll have you know this is the third copy I’ve had to buy since I keep rereading it until it falls apart in my hands.”

Surprised by his utter sincerity she burst into laughter.  He grinned widely at her, absently thumbing at the pages of the book.  As her chuckles subsided she realized that she’d never actually initiated a conversation with Killian, let alone one where she joked around with him.  Suddenly feeling awkward she dropped her gaze to the note she’d written herself and tried to ignore the way she saw his shoulders slump out of the corner of her eye.

“Siege Perilous,” she muttered, carefully adding the title to her note just so she’d have something to do.  She peeled off the Post-It and stuck it to her monitor, “Got it.”

“He should enjoy it-” she looked at him, confused for a moment until he clarified, “David.  Don’t let the nautical themes put you off.”

“Right, thanks.”

She gave him a fleeting smile before turning back to her desk and made a show of throwing herself into her work.  Nevermind that she’d already finished her assignment for the week. Cursing to herself she opened a new document and began typing nonsense until the feeling of him watching her subsided.  She was highly annoyed when at the end of the day that all she’d accomplished was a page full of ridiculous phrases and the tiniest sliver of insight into the man she had to buy a gift for.

A week later she was no closer to narrowing down from over a dozen options.  She knew she was way overthinking it and that if she asked Mary Margaret or Robin she’d have a gift purchased by the end of the day.  Yet, somehow, she felt like that was cheating. It had become a challenge almost, the urge to crack the code to get her sworn enemy the perfect gift.  Though, since their conversation about Edwin Stephens she’d let her guard down and had a few more surprising talks with Killian about the things they liked to do on their downtime.  Which is how Emma found herself arguing with him over the best place to get pizza.

“Are you kidding?  Their crust is garbage!  The only good thing about that place is the sauce.”

“The sauce makes the pie, love,” he said vehemently. “Just because you prefer a paper thin crust doesn’t mean that every other option should automatically be disqualified in your book.”

She rolled her eyes, “Fine, I’ll give you that, I guess, but they don’t even deliver.  Not even Postmates! How are they still in business when they’re missing out on all those potential customers?”

“Ah, so the truth emerges!” Killian said smugly as he leaned forward and narrowed his eyes at her, “You probably don’t venture to eat anywhere that doesn’t have the option of showing up at your front door.  Think of all the delicacies you’re missing out on, Swan!”

“I eat at places that don’t deliver.  There’s a great Dominican place that’s a whole twenty minutes away from my apartment and I go there at least three times a month,” she shot back before realizing she’d revealed a part of her life she hadn’t meant to.  She scrambled to keep him from thinking too deeply over it, “Besides you can’t say that Angelo’s is the best when you haven’t even tried Pizza on Fourth.”

“With such an uninspired name how can their fare be any good?” He scoffed.  Then he hesitated, looking at her consideringly, “How about we put it to a test?”

“Meaning?” She asked warily.

“Do you have plans for lunch or vehement standards about eating the same thing twice in a day?” He asked, matching her wariness.

She blinked at him, “You want to see whose pizza place is better?”

“It’s the only way to know for sure,” he answered seriously, though she could see the corner of his mouth twitching into a smile.

“For scientific purposes or bragging rights?”

“Bragging rights, of course,” he said with a wink.

Ignoring the small flutter in her stomach she pretended to mull it over, “Will there be a medal?  A trophy perhaps?”

“How about a free lunch?”

“Deal!”

He chuckled, “Since Angelo’s is closer shall we get Pizza on Fourth delivered for lunch, then we can walk over to Angelo’s after work?”

“Sounds good to me,” she said happily, already opening the app to order. “Should we go with the classic pepperoni at both to keep it fair?”

“I like the way you think, love, and add on a round of garlic knots to really spice up the competition.  Just let me know when you need my card.”

“Uh-huh,” she murmured, busy tapping away at the ordering options.

Later that night, with a lot of hedging and dragging her feet she admitted that Angelo’s was the better pizza.  What she couldn’t seem to admit, even to herself, was that she’d had fun hanging out with Killian outside of work.  She also toyed with and then dismissed the idea of getting him a giftcard to Pizza on Fourth just for the petty satisfaction.

Four days before Christmas and two before the company party Emma found herself wearily scrolling through article after article on Buzzfeed for any kind of inspiration for a gift.  She felt as though she’d had a hundred ideas but none of them felt right. It didn’t help that every time her and Killian hung out that a dozen new options for a gift presented themselves.

“I don’t think he’d want a Tub Shroom, no matter how many people have given it five stars on Amazon.”

Emma groaned at the sound of Mary Margaret’s voice, dropping her forehead to her desk.  She felt a gentle commiserating pat on her shoulder and rolled her head to look up at her.

“He’s impossible to shop for,” she whined. “Is it too late to switch with someone?”

“He is not and yes it is,” Mary Margaret tsked. “Unlike you everyone else doesn’t wait until the last minute to buy something.”

“It’s not the last minute.  I still have two days,” she grumbled, pushing herself up only to slump down in her chair.

Mary Margaret frowned, “Which is not enough time for Amazon to send something.  You’re making this harder than it has to be, especially if you hate the guy.”

“I don’t hate him,” she mumbled, barely above a whisper.

“What?”

“I said-” she sighed and prepared herself for a torrent of ‘I told you so’s’ and squeals, “I don’t hate him.  He’s actually a good guy.”

Mary Margaret smiled widely but surprised Emma by remaining calm, “Then it should be even easier to find something.  Right?”

“That’s just it!” She huffed, throwing her hands up in frustration. “There’s too many options now that I’ve actually gotten to know him.  I should just buy him the best bottle of rum twenty-five bucks can buy and be done with it.”

“Then why don’t you do that?” Mary Margaret asked puzzled, though her smile was still too wide for Emma’s liking.

“It’s so…” she cast about for the right word and nearly let out a frustrated growl when none came to her. “Generic, boring, thoughtless?  I don’t know but I can do better.”

Mary Margaret laughed, “It’s not a competition.  He’ll appreciate whatever you get him. Probably even more so now that you’re friends.”

Emma opened her mouth to refute the claim but found that she couldn’t.  Since their impromptu pizza competition they’d gone to several more restaurants under the guise of deciding who had the better taste.  Even more than that they’d also gone out for after work drinks a few times, talking about nothing and everything, and once she’d gone with him to a critics screening of a movie she’d been looking forward to seeing for months.  That he’d been just as excited to see it and they’d spent hours dissecting it afterward at a twenty-four hour diner down the street from the theater only drove home the fact that he was, for lack of a better term, her friend. She tried to push down the sudden feeling of disappointment she felt at that.

“Ooo, Siege Perilous?  Isn’t that the set you get to visit next month?”

Mary Margaret’s voice dragged her back to the discussion at hand.  She nodded absently, “Yeah, they start filming after the holidays and it’s the only time they’re allowing reporters on set.”

“Lucky, David wouldn’t let me read anything else until I gave it a chance.  I was annoyed at first but it’s really good. You should read it too, get ready for that set visit.”

“I should,” she said slowly, staring thoughtfully at the Post-It she hadn’t thought about since she’d stuck it to her monitor.  An idea started to form in her mind and with it a realization. She looked up at Mary Margaret, “It’s totally a crush isn’t it?”

Mary Margaret’s smile somehow grew wider, “For him?  Or for you?”

Emma surprised them both by smiling herself, “Is it okay if I skip out on our lunch?  I’ll make it up to you.”

“Totally fine,” Mary Margaret said, waving her off. “I think I’ll go out to eat with Tink, she owes me.”

She barely paid attention as Mary Margaret left, already distracted by figuring out what she needed to do and how little time she had to do it.

Two days later, when Emma arrived at the restaurant that was hosting their company party it was already in full swing.  She snuck Killian’s present onto the table that held the other gifts before weaving through her coworkers to get to the bar.  When she got there she was pleased to see Killian already there, chatting with the bartender.

“Gonna buy me a drink, Jones?” she asked as she sidled up next to him and grinned.

“It’s an open bar, Swan, so I’d be delighted to,” he said with a grin of his own.  Then his eyes widened and she watched his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, “You look-”

“I know,” she said demurely, pleased that her blush pink dress had made the impression she was going for.  She turned to the bartender and ordered a glass of wine, conscious of his gaze lingering on her. When she was handed her glass she turned back to see him still staring at her, “I know I probably already asked this but you’re not flying home for Christmas?”

“Uh, no-” he blinked, shaking his head slightly.  It seemed to clear his thoughts and he gave her a shrug, “Never had a place there to truly call home if I’m honest.  I tend to fly wherever my brother Liam is stationed at the time but seeing as he’s doing the whole first holiday with his girlfriend and her parents I figured I’d stick it out here this year.  It’ll just be me and a yet undecided Netflix marathon to celebrate. What about you, off to visit your own family tomorrow?”

“Oh, I, uh,” she stuttered, caught off guard by the suspicion that his past seemed to mirror hers.  She took a sip of wine to fortify herself, “I don’t have a, uh, family. I usually sleep in and then watch Die Hard before going to Mary Margaret’s house for the day.  Nothing too exciting.”

She took another sip of wine to cover what was sure to be an awkward moment between them.  Killian was watching her with a look she couldn’t understand, not saying a word. Finally after a few seconds that felt like lifetimes she glared back.

“What?”

“Sorry, love,” he said sheepishly, a blush blooming in his cheeks. “It’s just… sometimes you’re quite the open book but then you’ll do or say something that surprises me.  I never would have guessed- well, I knew there was something but I didn’t want to pry and it didn’t occur to me-”

“Killian-” she interrupted, grabbing his arm to stop his rambling. “It’s okay, you can say ‘orphan’.  It’s not like you’re breaking a story I don’t already know.”

He let out a tense laugh, nervously scratching behind his ear, “Perhaps I didn’t want to say it because I loathe the moniker myself.  Schoolyard taunts will do that to a lad.”

Her breath caught in her throat.  She had gone through most of her life not having much in common with people because of how she had grown up without parents or even a stable home.  It was almost ironic that she had been so determined to dislike Killian when he had more in common with her than she ever could have expected. A hiccuping laugh escaped her as she realized just how much she had grown to like him over the weeks since she’d drawn his name from Mary Margaret’s Santa hat.

“I propose a toast,” she said with a wide grin, lifting her glass, “To a couple of orphans not letting a little thing like that get us down.”

Killian gave her a soft smile, raising his glass to hers and tapping them together lightly, “To a couple of orphans.”

They drank, though neither of them took their eyes off of each other.  Emma felt the warmth from the wine spreading down to her toes, though she could have also blamed the look in Killian’s eyes with having something to do with it.  Just as she was about to comment on it and possibly ruining whatever it was that was growing between them the music that had been playing in the background cut out and Mary Margaret was calling for their attention.

“Merry Christmas everybody!” She chirped merrily.  David was at her side with two wrapped presents in his hands, “It’s time to hand out the Secret Santa gifts so when you hear your name come on up!”

Emma felt a thrill of anticipation zip across her stomach.  She turned towards Killian with what she hoped was a calm demeanor only to find that he was still looking at her with a gentle smile, not even paying attention to the names Mary Margaret was calling out.

“Not looking forward to your gift?” She prodded, worried that he’d already figured out that she was his Secret Santa.

“Oh, I’ve never signed up,” he said, giving a fleeting glance towards Mary Margaret before looking back at her. “The past couple years I was flying to England and missing this lovely party.  By the time I had my plans settled for this year it was far too late to sign up.”

“Emma Swan.”

Emma stared at him uncomprehendingly.  She knew she had pulled his name, for one it wasn’t like anyone else in their office had the name Killian even though Jones was pretty common and for another she’d stared at the slip of paper for at least an hour when she’d gotten home the night she’d drawn it, willing it to be any name other than his.  The only logical explanation was that he’d signed up and forgotten.

“Emma Swan?”

Killian’s gaze darted away and then back to her, “Er, Swan?”

“You forgot,” she blurted out. “You signed up and forgot.  Right?”

“No,” he said slowly. “You know how tenacious Mary Margaret is about making sure everyone remembers their gift.  I’ve never done it and still know what a terror she can be.”

With a dawning horror she realized exactly how much of a terror Mary Margaret could be.

“Has anyone seen Emma?”

Killian tilted his head towards the front of the room, “I believe you’ve been summoned for your own gift, love.”

“Yep,” she ground out, narrowing her gaze at Mary Margaret who was scanning the crowd for her.  With extreme care she set down her wine glass, afraid she would shatter it in her anger, “Just going to go get my gift now.”

Wasting no time she stormed to the front of the room, pushing past everyone and ignoring their grumbles in her wake.  Mary Margaret beamed when she caught sight of her but it quickly turned sheepish as Emma got closer. By the time Emma made it to her she was already whispering a rushed explanation.

“-sorry but you would barely give him the time of day and he’s really a great guy.  I figured if you had to get him a gift you’d get to know him and see that he’s not actually terrible.  And it worked! You’re friends now.”

Emma felt her anger leave her in a rush at Mary Margaret’s sincerity and the ridiculous lengths she’d gone to.  It helped that she was right, even though Emma would never admit it to her.

“What if I had just bought him a Starbucks gift card and been done with it?” She asked with feigned annoyance, wanting to know just how invested Mary Margaret was in her scheme.

Mary Magaret scoffed, “I knew you wouldn’t do that.  You complained about him too much to get him something that boring.  I knew you’d use your gift as a way to prove something.”

She gaped at her, surprised by the confidence she’d had in her plan.  Then a thought occurred to her, “You wouldn’t let me repick because every name in that hat was his wasn’t it?”

“Yep,” Mary Margaret grinned. “And don’t worry about someone else getting left out.  I kept your name out of the main draw to keep things even.”

“Then how do I have a present?” She asked, bewildered.

“Santa works in mysterious ways,” Mary Margaret said cryptically, still grinning like a fool.  She plucked a green bag, its handles tied together with a length of red ribbon, from the table, “Here you go.”

Emma took it in one hand and held out the other, “Can I at least give Killian his gift myself?  I don’t want him making a big deal about how he didn’t sign up and embarrassing us both.”

“Can’t-” Mary Margaret frowned dramatically, though her eyes were alight with mischief, “I sent David to give it to him when I first called your name.”

Sure enough, when Emma looked back at Killian he was trying to keep David from handing him the present Emma had brought.  Giving Mary Margaret a withering look she hightailed it back to the bar before anyone else’s attention was grabbed by the escalating argument between the two men.  She arrived as David pushed the wrapped box into Killian’s hands.

“Just take the present, man.  It’s got your name on it so it has to be yours.”

“And I’m telling you there’s a mistake, mate,” Killian bit out, refusing to hold onto the box. “I didn’t participate in Secret Santa.”

“I got it David,” she broke in, grabbing the gift and stepping between them. “Tell Mary Margaret she still owes me answers.”

David looked at her apologetically, “I really tried to talk her out of it.”

“And yet you’re still her accomplice,” she pointed out.  David gave her the same sheepish grin his wife had and she shook her head at him, “You’re both getting coal for Christmas.”

“Bah humbug,” David said cheerfully before giving her a hug and disappearing in the crowd.

“So that charming gentleman is Mary Margaret’s husband?” Killian intoned bemused behind her.

“The one and only,” she said, thinking about how she could cheerfully strangle the couple with tinsel for all their scheming.  She placed both his and her presents on the bar and faced him, “They’ve been together since their freshman year of college and are really bad influences on each other.  I sometimes have to remind myself that David’s a cop when he gets caught up in one of Mary Margaret’s grand plans.”

Killian’s eyes went wide, “Oh?  And what was her grand plan tonight?”

“Well, it looks like you getting a present would be part of it,” she hedged, not ready for him to hear Mary Margaret’s true motivation.

“So it would seem,” he said thoughtfully, tracing the gift tag on his present with his finger.  Then he frowned and pushed her gift towards her, “You should do the honors first, love, since you were actually expecting a gift.”

“Yeah?” She asked, relieved that she could put off an explanation for a few more minutes and highly curious what Mary Margaret’s Santa comment meant.

Killian nodded and said softly, “Go ahead, Swan.”

The tag attached to the ribbon gave her no clues since it was a square of paper with her name printed on it and aside from the ribbon holding the bag closed there were no other adornments.  The ribbon was tied in a simple bow and with a gentle tug it came undone. When she pulled out her gift she couldn’t help but laugh at the copy of Siege Perilous in her hand.

“Mary Margaret was in a tither in the breakroom last week,” Killian murmured, keeping his gaze on the book when she looked up at him, “She was going on about how the person who had picked your name had quit unexpectedly and that she needed to find someone to replace them.  I volunteered, of course.”

“Of course?” She breathed.

He gave her a lopsided smile, “It’s no secret that I quite fancy you when you’re not yelling at me.”

She felt the warmth of a blush in her cheeks and dropped her gaze to the book, running her hand over the cover, “Why get me this, though?”

“You were so skittish when we first talked about it and when you kept the note on your monitor I realized you never intended it as a gift for David.  I overheard you telling Mary Margaret that you would be visiting the set of the new show but felt guilty about never having read the book.  It seemed to me that getting you the book was rather fitting on all accounts.”

Looking back up at him she felt a swooping in her stomach as her eyes met his.  He was still smiling at her but she could sense his nervousness at her reaction to his gift and his confession in the way he shifted his weight from foot to foot and scratched behind his ear.  It was his nervousness that gave her the courage she needed to lay her own feelings on the line.

“It’s your turn to open your present,” she stated, nudging the wrapped box with her new book.

He looked askance at it, “It has to be a mistake and I don’t want to open a gift intended for someone else.”

“It’s part of Mary Margaret’s plan, remember?  So you should open it,” she encouraged.

“Fine,” Killian sighed, picking up the wrapped box, “But I’d feel better about it if I knew what her plan was.  Though you seem to have it all figured out.”

Emma kept quiet wanting to explain everything once he’d opened his gift.  He waited for a moment, watching her, before shaking his head and focusing on picking at the tape holding the wrapping paper together.  She bit her tongue at his fastidiousness, glad that she hadn’t used more than a few pieces of tape for the whole thing. Finally he pulled the paper off, without a single tear, and opened the box only to go absolutely still as he stared down at the present inside.  Glancing up at her with a perplexed look he reached into the box and pulled out the hardback copy of Siege Perilous she’d luckily found at the small bookstore near their office.

“I know the one you have now probably has a few read throughs left before it completely falls apart but I figured you’d want a pristine copy for next month.”

“You bought me-” his gaze darted from hers to the book and back, his confusion easy to see, “Why would you- no, wait, what’s happening next month?”

“Mary Margaret thought that I wasn’t giving you a fair chance, which I wasn’t,” she started, ignoring his last question for the moment, knowing that she had to explain the whys first. “It was mostly me judging you off of my first impression of you and what I’d seen when you first got hired and not by actually taking the time to know you.”

“What was your impression of me, Swan?  It must have been not very favorable for you to not have warmed up to me until recently.”

"I, uh,-" she felt herself flush and she only grew warmer in her embarrassment when he noticed and leaned closer.  Rolling her eyes she huffed, "To be fair you flirt with everyone and there were a lot of women you left the office with when you first got hired."

"Were you… were you jealous, Swan?" He asked incredulously.

“No, not jealous.” she contested hotly. “I thought you were making the rounds and I’d been cheated on by my last boyfriend with our former editor.  I didn’t need to be a notch in someone else’s belt and I really didn’t want to be the focus of office drama again.”

Killian’s demeanor fell but she saw no pity in his gaze, “Oh, Swan, I didn’t know.”

“It is what it is,” she said with a shrug, “The gossip had finally stopped by the time you were hired and I wasn’t going to bring it all back up again with someone I thought was the same type of guy.  Though I know now I was completely wrong about that.”

“You truly didn't know, Emma?” He asked so softly she could barely hear him over the music that had started back up.

“Know what?”

He grabbed her hand, running his thumb over her knuckles as he held her gaze, soft and sincere, “You saw me chatting and going places with those women because I didn’t know a soul when I first moved here.  I never led them on or asked for anything more than camaraderie while I got settled because it’s only ever been you.

"I first saw you by chance, you walked by in the background in my last Skype interview and I was smitten.  Of course when I was hired and you rebuffed me while others were clamoring for my attention I was intrigued.  Then we became desk neighbors and I got to know you, one small piece at a time, and I fell. For you. And then with these past few weeks of going for meals and drinks, talking for hours with you I began to think, even hope, that perhaps you might be beginning to feel the same.”

As much as she’d had an idea that he liked her, as well as been told numerous times by multiple people, hearing him say it out loud was like hearing it for the first time.  In a way it was because there was a small part of her that couldn’t believe it wasn’t another conjecture of the office rumor mill. She felt her cheeks begin to ache and realized she had been grinning at him like a fool but had yet to address how she actually felt about him.

“I was really annoyed when I picked your name-” Killian winced and tried to take his hand from hers but she held fast, “and Mary Margaret wouldn’t let me switch and now I know it’s because she rigged it so it was only your name in the hat.  So I was stuck with having to get you a present and practically knowing nothing about you. When we talked about Stephens I realized that it was the first time we’d had a whole conversation. Then we just kept talking and you were nothing like I’d believed you were and I liked spending time with you.  Really liked spending time with you.

“The thing was I kept telling myself that I was only hanging out with you because I needed to figure out what gift to get you and it was impossible.  I wanted to get you a perfect gift, something that was thoughtful and that you’d really appreciate. When I complained to Mary Margaret about it I realized why I wanted my gift to be perfect.”

“And why was that, love?” He asked hopefully.

“Because I fell,” she said simply. “For You.”

Killian beamed at her before swooping down to capture her lips in a surprisingly gentle kiss.  She sighed into him, reveling in the warmth of him encompassing her as his arms wrapped around her.  All too soon for her liking he pulled back, resting his forehead on hers with his eyes closed.

“One more thing,” she whispered, playing with the soft hair at the back of his head.

His eyes opened and he leaned back, looking at her quizzically, “What’s that, love?”

She grinned at the pet name she’d practically ignored before, “How good of a photographer are you?”

“Fair enough to keep things in focus.  Why?”

“Because the other part of your gift is that you’re going to pretend to be one of our photographers so you can come to the Siege Perilous set visit with me.  Edwin Stephens will be there too and I thought you’d like to get an autogra-”

Emma squealed as Killian picked her up and twirled her around.  When he finally set her down she paid no mind to the stares that they’d surely attracted and pulled him into a kiss far more passionate than the one he’d given her.

Much later, after they’d allowed Mary Margaret a moment of smug elation and left the party to a couple of whistles courtesy of Tink and Robin they were laying in her bed, sweatpant clad legs entwined.  Killian was running his fingers through her hair as she laid curled against his chest, listening to the rumble of his voice as he read Siege Perilous to her. With a contented sigh she figured that maybe Mary Margaret didn't quite deserve that lump of coal she'd threatened her with.

#captain swan #cs ff #captain swan ff #cs christmas #ouat ff #captain swan christmas ff #cs christmas ff #my writing #a little present for you lovely readers

[lovelyamneris]

“Look at us, just two innocent people doing innocent things!” - Jerry & Elaine (it can be platonic, romantic or whatever - I don't mind, I'm just sad there's so little Seinfeld fic 🥺)

Thank you! I hope you like this. Nervous about it, but when am I not. Let me know how you like it anon <3 <3 <3

AO3 Link

If anybody wants to send more characters + fandoms + sentence prompts you’re more than welcome to. thanks! 💗 💗

Elaine liked the comedy club. She honestly did. She’d go to watch Jerry’s act, which occasionally could be rather funny, because she’d much rather be out spending her night getting free entertainment from her friend than sitting at home and doing nothing. Really, who needs more nothing anyway?

Elaine was leaning up against the bar post show, drinking some fruit flavored cocktail, and trying to forget how absolutely bored she currently was. Jerry was way more cocky than usual that night, very up on himself like he was some big hot shot funny guy in a fancy red suit, and Elaine was left by herself to fend off random comedians approaching her and trying to make her laugh with some lame joke. If she had to put up with Jerry’s lame jokes all day, she was not trying to deal with it from anyone else. One comedian friend was enough, she thought.

Jerry was standing further down the stretch of the bar counter, flirting with some pretty fan with a M name like Mandy or Monica, acting as if he hadn’t already agreed to share a taxi home with Elaine. She rolled her eyes and spun her straw around in her glass.

She was shamelessly eavesdropping at this point. Jerry made some lame joke about bar etiquette and the fan laughed. But, Elaine was about seventy percent sure it was a pity laugh at best.

God, she was just so bored.

Elaine would’ve even settled for George right about then. He could ramble on and on about whatever minor inconveniences that Susan was causing him that week and she'd just suck it up and listen. Or even better, one of the performers could trip and fall off the stage. That would be hilarious and definitely would’ve made her entire night. Elaine grinned just thinking about it. But the next show wasn’t starting for another half hour so that sadly wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

A couple minutes passed and at this point she was not only bored out of her mind, but a bit tipsy as well. She watched uninterested as performers and fans filtered in and out of the club. 

That’s when she noticed a familiar face over by one of the tables on the opposite side of the room. It was one of her co-workers, a tall way too handsome curly haired blonde who Elaine couldn’t stand. One time he offhandedly mentioned that he had a pet fish and of course Elaine wanted to see it. Elaine loved fish. She loved their cute little glassy eyes and their colorful scaly skin. And this dude took terrible care of his goldfish! It was awful. They deserved an aquarium or big tank or at least a proper Easter Island Head to swim in. But his fish had none of that! It was an outrage. Elaine certainly thought so.

She took another sip of her cocktail and made up her mind. She was going to steal his keys and then use them to break into his office. Then she'd steal his fish to give them a better home. And she needed Jerry’s help. Maybe that was the alcohol speaking but maybe not. Either way, she going to do it. 

Elaine, determined, made her way down the bar to get Jerry’s attention. 

“Jerry.” Elaine said, putting herself right beside him and the fan. Jerry tried his best to ignore her, still flirting with Mandy or Monica or whatever her name was, “Jerry. Jerry. Jerry.”

The fan gave Elaine a look, like she was a crazy person or something, and then narrowed her eyes at Jerry, “I think she wants your attention.”

Jerry waved her off, smiling his big funny guy smile, “She’s just a stalker. Crazy escaped mental patient. Just ignore her.”

Elaine groaned, briefly looking back to make sure her blonde unfairly handsome co-worker was still there, “Can I please borrow my husband for a moment.”

The pretty fan with the M name scoffed and gave Jerry a dirty look, “Go for it. I'm leaving."

“Wait! It’s not what you think—” Jerry tried, eventually sighing in defeat as Mandy or Monica or whoever takes off. “What was that for! She was into me!”

His voice was all high-pitched and upset but Elaine could tell he wasn’t upset at all. It must’ve been something about the way he always smirked through everything he said, even when he had every right to be annoyed, like he was just waiting to break out into laughter. Elaine was pretty sure she could shoot him point blank and he’d be on the brink of laughter through his dying breaths.

“Relax.” Elaine said smoothly, “She wasn’t into you.”

“She was sending signals!” Jerry exclaimed and Elaine scoffed. Jerry looked pretty funny in his suit. Elaine was sure that it must’ve been some comedian trick to make the fans laugh. You know, the fact that he already looked goofy before he even started telling the jokes. Jerry continued, “She was definitely into me.”

They were standing across from each other now, illuminated by the bright bar lights and surrounded by the laughter and loud chatter from the room post show. Elaine was also pretty flushed from the booze in her fruit flavored cocktail and she noticed that Jerry was still high from the crowd's laughter. It really did something for his confidence didn't it? 

“Oh please, there were no signals. I would’ve sensed signals.” Elaine said, looking up at him and brushing it off. She pushed her cocktail across the counter towards him, “Do you want this? I’m cutting myself off.”

Elaine knew signals. She was constantly sending signals. If Mandy or Monica or whoever was sending signals, then she’d know. Oh, she’d know. And she’d support Jerry, of course she would!

“She wasn’t sending them to you. You wouldn’t have heard them.” Jerry pushed her drink back towards her, “And I don’t want this.”

“Jerry I’m a woman.” Elaine said seriously, like explaining something to somebody stupid, “If she was sending signals, I would’ve picked up on them. Before you even.” She pushed her drink back towards him, “I don’t want it either.”

Jerry sighed in defeat, “Well, you have my attention.” He gave in and was drinking her fruit flavored cocktail now. It actually wasn’t half bad? Jerry considers that the fruit flavored alcoholic beverages are objectively better, but men are to afraid to admit it for fear of being judged. Considering that, he was craving a Shirley Temple.

“Good.” Elaine said, smiling all big back at him. And honestly, the smile was a little suspicious too. She nodded her head towards the opposite side of the room, “I need you to go distract that guy over there.”

Jerry very conspicuously looked across the room. Elaine’s co-worker was talking to one of the other comedians. Jerry made a face, “Distract him? Who do you think I am?”

“Come on Jerry, please.” Elaine practically begged. She needed to save those poor little fish! She was determined! “Just do your comedy bit on him. Ask him about the airplane food.”

“Hey, that’s a stereotype.” Airplane food? Please. But then again, what was the deal with airplane food? “I’m not a preforming monkey Elaine. I can’t just go into material on cue.”

On stage they were getting ready for the next comedian to start his bit. The staff was adjusting the microphone to accommodate someone not as unnaturally tall and lanky as Jerry. In the back of Elaine’s mind she was subconsciously begging for somebody to trip and fall. 

“Please.” Elaine tried, not breaking eye contact with him. 

“No.”

“For me?”  

“That shtick doesn’t work on me anymore.” Jerry declared, “Maybe when we were dating. But I’m not falling for it! I have willpower.”

Elaine scoffed, because yeah right!, and gave him the best pouty begging look she could manage, “Jer--ry.”

Willpower. Willpower!

“Fine.” Jerry conceded begrudgingly, “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”  Elaine grinned again, crossing her arms accomplished. “Thank you!”

Jerry made his way over to Elaine’s coworker, the unnaturally attractive bad fish owner, trying to think of a way to distract that guy. He waved her off, “Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.”

Later as they were standing outside the comedy club, close to midnight, Jerry gave Elaine a suspicious look. They were standing by a stop sign, on the edge of the sidewalk waiting for a taxi, and Elaine had her hands shoved in her jacket pockets all suspiciously. She was looking at him with a big grin on her face, very pleased with herself, just waiting for him to ask what she did so she could fill him in on the undoubtedly wild shenanigans. Nobody just asks you to distract somebody if something isn't going down, Jerry thought. You only distract people in schemes and movies. 

“Okay what was that?” Jerry asked, very curious. They were standing very close together, practically inches apart beneath the stop sign, as the sidewalk was busy with fans leaving the comedy club and New Yorker's having late night adventures. 

“What was what?” Elaine asked innocently, still smiling all big and proud of herself, knowing exactly what he meant by that.

“Elaine.” 

“Fine. I stole his keys." Elaine pulled the keychain out of her pocket and held them out, "See.”

“Any particular reason? Or have you just decided to start up a life of crime?” 

“Hey, you distracted him, Jerry. That makes you,” She points up at him, “An accomplice.” 

“You’re right.” He agrees, “Look at us, just two innocent people doing innocent things.”

Elaine smiled even bigger at that, if that was even possible. Cars flashed by them, casting shadows, and they were looking at each other now, in the familiar way that neither of them could ever figure out. There definitely was something there, a feeling maybe? It probably didn't matter. 

“Okay, come on.” Elaine said, breaking them out of whatever moment they may or may not have been having, spotting a taxi somewhere in the late night traffic. She waved down the taxi driver, stepping slightly off the curb. “We have to break into his office and steal his goldfish.” 

This was definitely going to end in chaos. 

#thank you <3 #seinfeld #seinfeld fanfic #prompt requests #ao3 tag

[not-close-to-straight]

Wedding Night (SWS #73)

This is frankly ridiculous, just Horny Boys trying to keep it together long enough to get married, hilariously terrible smexy times whilst destroying a honeymoon suite, sass and snark and random sweetness and obligatory Spideypool bullshit.... all that good stuff. 

Enjoy!

SUNDAYS WITH SPIDEYPOOL MASTERLIST HERE

**********************

It had been Peter’s idea. 

“I dunno.” he said with that sheepish sort of shrug that told Wade he’d actually put a lot of thought into the idea. “I just think since nothing else about our relationship was done the traditional way--” 

“--What, swapping blow jobs for the first time while you were hanging upside down isn’t traditional??”

“--not even a little bit. Anyway, since nothing else has been done the traditional way, maybe we could do this the traditional way.” he raised his eyebrows hopefully. “Not sleeping together till the wedding night could make it really special. We could both wear white and do the rose petal and candle thing-- it could be really sweet.” 

“We did the rose petal thing literally last week.” 

“Babe.” Peter barely refrained from rolling his eyes. “You crashed through the window of a flower shop while chasing a bad guy and then we had highly illegal sex on the ruined flowers while waiting for the cops. That doesn’t count.”

“Okay fine.” Wade leaned in and smecked a kiss to his cheek. “Fine, if that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.” 

“Are you sure?” Peter looked wonderfully shy and Wade kissed him again just because he was fucking cute. “I promise I’ll make it up to you on our wedding night.” 

“Baby boy.” Wade managed to be serious for a minute. “In thirty days, I get to officially, legally promise to love you for the rest of my life. You won’t have to make anything up to me that night, just knowing you’re mine is going to be more than enough.” 

“I love you.” Peter tackled him into a long kiss. “You’re amazing. I know this is a stupid request, but you’re amazing for saying yes. Thank you.” 

“Ain’t no thang, sweet cheeks.” Wade assured him, hugging him tight. “I’m an adult and I have buckets of self control. I can definitely last a month without sex to make sure our first night as husbands is special.” 

“You have the self control of a two year old.” Peter informed him drily and Wade scoffed in mock outrage. “I bet you’ll be so horny by wedding day, you’ll be humping my leg as the pastor’s talking.” 

“Bold of you to assume I’d stop at just humping your leg.” 

“WADE!” 

******************

It had been Peter’s idea and Wade had happily agreed, but thirty days later standing on the stage in front of their friends and family and listening to the preacher say something smarmy and stupid about love--

“Your ass looks so good in that suit, I’m gonna pulverise it when we get out of here.” Wade promised under his breath and Peter tugged at his own bow tie and wet his lips and whispered back, “Not if I get you up against the wall and fuck the shit outta you in that dress first. Who gave you the right to wear something that gorgeous? You look incredible.” 

“Oh god, not as incredible as you do.” Wade muttered. “Did you buy the suit? Cos you’re not gonna get your money back on the rental. I’m gonna fuckin’ wreck that thing.” 

“Are you wearing underwear?” Peter’s eyes dropped to the waist line of Wade’s rather slinky dress, searching for the tell tale line of a thong or maybe even the texture of some lace. “Hm?” 

“Spanx shapewear.” Wade admitted in a hushed voice. “Had to get some compression for the lil merc since boners aren’t exactly church material. What about you? Underwear?” 

“Nope.” Peter shifted anxiously on his feet, glancing at his watch. “Want you so bad I’m about two seconds from making a mess in my pants.” 

“Hnnngh.” Wade bit at his palm to keep from groaning and the preacher stopped and sent him a concerned look. 

“Mr. Wilson? Everything alright?” 

“Mind your business preacher!” Wade snapped, and then when more than a few people in the congregation gasped-- “I mean, please continue? I uh--boy howdy, just excited to be married. Bound in holy matrimony and all that. Yay for marriage.” 

Someone in the audience-- probably Gwen because she’d been drinking with Peter before the ceremony-- did one of those ugly snort laughs that set off quite a few titters and the preacher cleared his throat and went back to speaking. 

“The bonds of holy matrimony are not to be taken lightly, not to be forgotten in times of strife, not to be-” 

“M’not gonna take you lightly.” Peter whispered and Wade cast his eyes towards heaven and muttered, “If there is a god, let’s work on speeding things up, huh? Not gonna make it through the rest of this ceremony. Why the hell did we decide on a church wedding?” 

“Traditional and decent.” Peter was starting to look flushed. “Remember? Wearing white and waiting till our wedding day, getting blessed by a preacher man? You thought it was a good idea.” 

“Yeah, but that was thirty days ago after I’d recently had sex! I would agree to anything after an orgasm, you knew that and took advantage! It’s practically a crime!” 

“A crime huh?” Peter glanced at his watch again. “You gonna make sure I pay for that tonight? Only seems fair.”

“You bad boy, we are in a church!” Wade checked that the preacher was still lost in some Bible verse about love being patient--which seemed fairly hilarious considering their current conversation- and leaned in closer, “But I am definitely tying you on the bed and spanking you until your ass is--” 

“Wade.” Peter muffled a strangled sound with his hand. “Gonna come in my pants. I swear.”

“Jesus--” Wade swore and the pastor stopped mid sentence, mouth falling open. 

“Sorry about that.” Wade apologized. “But you have got to hurry up. Vows. Now. Say the thing. Now.” 

“Uhhh...alright. The um-- Peter and Wade have prepared their own vows and would apparently like to recite them now?” The preacher stepped back a few steps and motioned for them to continue. 

“Pete.” Wade pulled the ring from a pocket he’d had sewn into the bust of his dress and in the audience, Gwen snort laughed again. “Pete, I’ve wanted you since the first time I saw you power squat on the roof of a building and I fell in love with you approximately 3.7 seconds later. You put up with my terrible jokes and honestly horrifying sense of humour and my wonderful fashion choices and even though it took us a whole year to actually start dating, the first time you really saw me, you smiled and kissed me and I--” 

Wade’s voice caught and Peter’s eyes went very very soft. 

“I promise to always be around.” Wade cleared his throat and slid the ring onto Peter’s finger. “I promise to remember your favorite foods and be there to bandage you up when you get hurt and to always have extra blankets because somehow you’re always cold. I’m gonna love you forever Pete, way past what’s considered normal and probably in some very weird ways and I can’t promise we won’t fight but I can promise to never walk away ever.” 

Peter was starting to tear up now and with the rampant horniness forgotten for at least a minute, Wade leaned down and pushed their foreheads together to finish, “You love me on days I don’t even love myself and that’s more than I ever even hoped for and for that-- for that you get all of me, Pete. Heart and soul and my past and my present and all my futures and every second of every day for the next thousand years because I didn’t know I wanted any of that until I met you.” 

“Oh.” Peter closed his eyes and squeezed at Wade’s hand. “Oh my god, babe--” 

“Your turn.” Wade looked close to tears too, but he still cracked a smile. “Say the thing, do the vows. Let’s get this show on the road.” 

“Alright well.” Peter got Wade’s ring from his pocket and fit it onto Wade’s finger, brushing gently over the scarred skin as he went. “My vows aren’t that long or that pretty but here goes.” 

He took a deep breath and said simply, “I didn’t understand soulmates until I met you, Wade. You’re all the things I didn’t know were missing from my life and from my heart and now that I know what it’s like to be whole, I’ll never be able to take it back. I’ll never want to take it back. You’re my everything and you say you want me for every second of every day for the next thousand years, but I’ve got news for you, Merc.” he bent and kissed Wade’s palm and then his knuckles, lingering over the shine of the ring. “A thousand years isn’t long enough. Forever isn’t long enough for how long I want to love you.”

“Well shit.” A hankie from the bosom of Wade’s dress and this time not even Gwen laughed. She was too busy wiping away sudden tears with everyone else in the room. “How’d you upstage me using less words? That ain’t right, you’re not supposed to upstage the bride on his wedding day! I didn’t wear a neckline this low to be shown up by a brat in a suit.” 

“My bad.” Peter grinned and pressed another kiss to Wade’s palm, this one decidedly less chaste than the first. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Add it to the list of things I have to make up to you tonight.” 

“It’s a long list, baby boy.” Wade’s eyes sparked in a challenge. “You up for it?” 

“You have no idea the things I’m up for.” Peter retorted, and just that fast the ceremony was derailing spectacularly and the preacher had to scramble to get it back on track. . 

“Well then.” Determined to at least finish the wedding on a positive, appropriate note, the preacher cleared his throat and stepped in between the couple before they did something awful like start stripping right then and there. “Now that Peter and Wade have exchanged vows and rings, witnessed by friends and family and in the presence of the Holy Spirit--” 

“Have you seen our honeymoon suite?” Wade whispered, completely ignoring whatever else the preacher said. “Is it big?” 

“It’s huge.” Peter confirmed in a matching whisper. “I’ve already got it all set up for us. Rose petals, candles, champagne. I can’t wait to get you up there.” 

“You gonna carry me across the thresh hold like a blushing bride?” Wade waggled his non existent eyebrows. “I get all sorts of wet for those muscles, who knows what I might do to show my appreciation.” 

“Oh god.” Peter was starting to look distinctly uncomfortable again. “Wade, I--” 

“--for the first time, Mr. and Mr. Parker-Wilson! Peter, please kiss your--”

The preacher had to backpedal out of the way, most likely fearing for his very life when Peter yanked Wade close for a bruising kiss, bending the merc back until the mid thigh high slit of the gown fell open and exposed a whole lotta leg.

“WHOOOOOO!!!” Gwen jumped from her chair and hollered, “GET SOME PETE! YEAH!” 

“Gwen, for the love of--” MJ yanked the blonde down into the pew and hissed at her to behave, but in a room full of assorted super heros and friends of Wade, Gwen’s behavior wasn’t really even the most shocking and after a moment, MJ relented and started cat calling too. 

“We have better things to do than hang out and eat cake.” Peter breathed against Wade’s mouth and his husband nodded quickly. “What say I get us out of here?” 

“Either you do it or I’m gonna throw some dynamite at the wall and create a door that way.” Wade suggested. “And I feel like the preacher will send us straight to hell for that sorta thing so---” 

No one at all was surprised when Wade and Peter didn’t show up for the reception. 

******************

******************

“Oh so hey this is nice.” Wade had barely got the door to their suite closed before Peter was shoving him up against it, crushing their mouths together and hitching Wade’s leg up around his waist. “Mmmph, yep, nice suite, you did a good job picking out--” 

Rrrrrrrrrrip! The material of his gown ripped clear to Wade’s waist and Peter wasted no time getting his hands beneath the dress to find the line of-- “Wait, seriously, you’re wearing Spanx?” 

“Hey.” Wade batted his eyelashes teasingly. “A guys gotta look his best, right? This dress was so tight you could see the dimples on my ass, shapewear was a must.” 

“You look gorgeous.” Peter murmured over another kiss. “M’sorry if I didn’t tell you before but you look gorgeous, babe. I’m so glad you decided to wear a dress, so glad you knew I’d love it. I about lost my mind when I saw you coming down the aisle in this thing.” 

“Well that’s nice and all, but you should be doing something more interesting than complimenting me right now.” Wade informed him and Peter grinned, curling his hands in the shapewear and shredding it apart. “Oh fuck me, why is it so hot when you tear things?” 

“It’s the size kink thing.” Peter was laughing as he finally got the underwear off of Wade, smoothing his hands over the lean hips and eyeing the near obscene bulge beneath the white fabric greedily. “You like that I look like a twink but am still stronger than you.” 

“Yep. I heard no lies there.” Wade’s head thunked back against the door when Peter stroked him through the dress, coaxing more and more wet from the tip to stain the silky material. “Oh fuck-fuck-fuck Pete, don’t make me wait any longer, my balls are so blue they’re gonna fall off. I swear to god, just gonna fall right off, hurry up.” 

“Are they your something blue?” Peter snarked and Wade retorted, “If I wasn’t so hard up right now, I’d bite you for that.” 

“Babe, I’m so hard up right now, you biting me might actually get me off.” Peter laughed, and then, “You haven’t even been jerking off? Promise? Thirty days?” 

“I’ve been wearing underwear in the shower so I wouldn’t be tempted!” Wade blurted. “But if you don’t do something quick I’m just gonna blow my load right here and collapse into an orgasm coma so maybe you should--” 

“Jesus Christ, are you wearing a plug?” Peter almost choked when he reached low and felt the silicone base of one of their wider plugs. “Oh my god Wade.” 

“Oh yeah, the Spanx was also to keep that in place.” Wade panted through the sentence as Peter started to wriggle the plug out. “I didn’t want you to waste time by being all sweet and careful opening me up--” 

“--oh yeah, god forbid I take my time with you so you don’t tear.” Peter snorted. “What was I thinking?” 

“-- I figured this way you could just fuck me--” 

“--holy shit babe, it’s so big! You’ve been wearing this all day--?!” 

“--Pete! Hurry up and get it OWWWWWT!” Wade shrieked when the plug came all the way free. “Alright, well now there’s room for you in there so why don’t you hop to it and--” 

“Wade.” It was unreal how sexy it was for Peter to lift Wade so easily, holding him against the door with just one hand while the other fingers fit deep inside him to be sure he really was ready, Peter never willing to rush this sort of thing even if he was practically desperate. “Wade, I love you. I do. My husband. I love you so much.” 

“That’s very sweet.” Wade leaned in and kissed him. “And I love you too and later we can talk about how much I love being called husband. But if you don’t do something with that dick of yours right now, I’m going to cut it off and take it with me for alimony when I divorce your ass for failure to perform, you understand?” 

“That was the least sexy thing I’ve ever heard.” Peter was laughing out loud as he undid the zipper of his suit pants, pushing them down only far enough to get his cock out. “Take my dick for alimony? What the fuck, babe?” 

“It’s the only part of you I’d need.” Wade said blandly and Peter was still laughing when he thrust in hard. “Oh fuck--oh--oh--oh yes.” Wade actually went limp for a minute in Peter’s arms, the itch of being empty soothed for just a minute by having Peter inside him. “Baby boy, not to sound all cutesy and romantic or anything, but I fucking missed you.” 

“I missed you too.” Peter was breathing hard, pushing their foreheads together and holding onto Wade tight enough to leave bruises. “Holy fuck I missed you babe. How did I go thirty days without this?” 

“I dunno, it was a terrible idea on your part but hey, you know what would be really hot?” 

“What’s that?” Peter withdrew a little and rocked back in, almost biting his tongue off when Wade clenched around him. “Shit, easy does it babe. I know for a fact you’ll never let me live it down if I only last ten seconds.” 

“Superhero refractory periods are a beautiful blessed thing.” Wade teased, and then, “We should break a table, right? If we break this door we’re gonna end up bare assed and floppy dicked out in the hall but a table...?” 

“Want me to fuck you through a table?” Peter latched onto Wade’s neck and worried a deep bruise onto the rough skin, groaning when Wade’s cock jumped against his stomach, leaking milky white between their bodies. “Yeah? I thought wedding night sex was supposed to be tender and slow.” 

Wade outright cackled over the thought of anything tonight being ‘tender and slow’ and he was still cackling when Peter carried him over to the table and laid him down hard enough to crack one of the legs. 

“Like this?” Peter swept the length of the dress aside so it didn’t get caught on anything and pulled away just to snap his hips forward and bury himself as deep as he could in Wade. “Want me to fuck you like this? Right here in your pretty dress?” 

“Pete!” Wade made a high pitched, hilarious noise and came hard enough to make his back arch, apparently needing nothing more than a dick in him and a tiny amount of dirty talk to push him through a mind blanking orgasm. 

“Oh my god.” Peter bent nearly double to get his mouth around Wade’s cock in time to catch the last few spurts, moaning at the taste of his husband on his tongue. “Babe what the hell, I didn’t even get a chance to fuck you yet!” 

“Okay but in my defense--” Wade threw an arm over his eyes and gasped through the words as Peter kept licking at him, fucking him in slow, leisurely strokes. “In my defense? Thirty days for you is like...is like thirty months in Deadpool years. I’ve been as celibate as a month for like, a millennium. Don’t act like you’re surprised. I needed you, Pete. Needed you and needed you inside me, you probably could have just kissed me for a while and I would have come. I love you and you have no idea what you do to me--”

“Oh oh oh shitshitshit--” Peter was suddenly shouting, hips jerking and eyes rolling back and Wade’s mouth fell open at the unmistakable feeling of Peter coming inside him. 

“Pete.” 

“Sorry sorry sorry.” Peter collapsed boneless against him. “Sorry, I-I--” 

“I was literally mid sentence.” 

“I’m sorry! You aren’t the only one that’s been celibate as a monk!” 

“I wasn’t even dirty talking! At least I came cos you were being sexy! I was trying to be sweet and tell you I loved you and--” Wade stopped when Peter whined a little and thrust again weakly. “--whoa-ho-ho is that a sweet talk kink I’m seeing right now? Couldn’t handle me talking soft to you, hubby?” 

“We’re the worst at this.” Peter moaned and Wade cracked up all over again. “We’ve been in the honeymoon suite for seven minutes! It cost me fifteen hundred dollars and we’re already done in seven minutes!” 

“Aw baby boy.” Wade combed his fingers through Peter’s hair. “It’s okay. Super dick, remember? We’ll be up and at ‘em again in like five minutes tops.” 

“Okay, but if anyone asks?” Peter raised his eyebrows. “I ravished you for hours.” 

“Of course you did.” Wade soothed. “And if anyone asks you, remember I played hard to get and blushed when you tenderly undressed me and exposed my innocence.” 

“Your innocence.” Peter’s shoulders shook through a chuckle. “Oh my god.” 

“Oh hey, you really did the rose petal and candle thing, huh?” Wade propped himself up on his elbows and looked around the suite. “It’s pretty Pete, thank you.” 

“I had every intention of cherishing the hell out of you on that big bed.” Peter informed him. “The candles are scented and I misted the sheets with like, glitter spray so we’ll be all reflecty and shiny in the low lights. There’s a box of chocolates in the bathroom cos I thought we could get all sexy in the bathtub...” he trailed off with a wistful smile. “Sorry.” 

“Hey hey hey.” Wade cupped Peter’s jaw and lay a very sweet kiss on his lips. “Baby we got all night for this sort of thing. We got the first one out of the way so now we’ll be able to take our time. Don’t worry about it, we’ll get to the bed and your scented candles, definitely sexy times in the bathtub. I’ve got a dozen ways I wanna be with you tonight, alright?” 

“Alright.” Peter kissed him back and then eased out from between his knees with a grimace. “I should’ve worn a condom. “

“Why, so you would have lasted a whole minute instead of forty nine seconds?” Wade challenged, making a show of crossing one leg over the other and adjusting his dress. “I doubt the eleven seconds would have made a difference.” 

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Peter didn’t even have the decency to blush, only blew Wade a kiss and started yanking off the rest of his clothes. “Good thing I bought this suit, huh? No way we’re gonna get the deposit back on--” 

“What in the fucknuckles is that?” Wade jumped off the table and gasped out loud when he saw what Peter was wearing high on his thigh. “Is that-- is that a garter belt?” 

“Oh.” Peter snapped the elastic band at his leg teasingly. “You like it?” 

“Is that-- how did you find a Deadpool themed garter belt?” Wade hitched his dress up to his knees and knelt down to get a closer look. “Oh my god, it’s a mix of Spidey and Deadpool masks? PETE!” 

“I had it specially made.” Peter’s eyes widened when Wade leaned in and mouthed a wet kiss onto the satin. “Figured it could be our--our-- um figured it could be our something...new....”

“Baby boy.” Wade wrenched his husband around so his face was level with Peter’s cock, smiling over the noise Peter made before hooking his fingers in the garter belt and using it to yank them closer together. “It’s gorgeous. Want you wearing this and your wedding ring and nothing else, you got it?” 

“Yep yep yep.” the suit jacket and shirt split apart in one quick yank and Peter kicked out of his pants too. “How’s this?” 

“Almost perfect.” Wade got back to his feet and sauntered over towards the end table, retrieving a bottle of champagne and holding it up suggestively. “I’d really really like to lick some of this off you, husband.”

“Oh.” Peter’s knees went weak. “Oh yes.”  

“You ready for another round?” 

“Always.” 

“Holla for some super dick. Assume the position baby boy, face down and ass up cos that’s the way I like to--” 

“Wade.” Peter put his hand up to stop him. “I can’t tell you how badly I want you to lick champagne off literally every inch of me right now, but if you say ‘face down, ass up, cos that’s the I like to--’ and then make that stupid Goofy laugh noise you did last time you said that? I will tell everyone you weren’t a virgin on our wedding night. That’s not how the line from the song goes and you know it.” 

“No!” Wade’s eyes went very wide. “You wouldn’t dare sully my reputation like that just cos I said ‘hyuck’.”

“I swear.” 

“Fine.” Wade stared down at his white dress mournfully, then ripped it right off and chucked it aside. “Eh you know what, no one thinks I’m a virgin. Face down, ass up baby boy. That’s the way I like to--” 

“Wade---” 

“HYUCK!”

“WADE!” 

********************

********************

The next morning Wade and Peter stood waiting by reception while the front desk attendant read through the list of damages in their room. 

“A broken table?” she asked and Peter grimaced. “Bed frame cracked and champagne bottle spilled on floor?” 

“The hyucking got a little out of control.” Wade offered and Peter hissed, “I will kill you, I swear.” 

“Bathroom flooded--” 

“We forgot about the bath and left it running while eating cake.” 

“--and body shaped frosting smears on the couch?” 

“....it was good cake.” 

“Oh my.” she cleared her throat awkwardly. “Well obviously the five hundred dollar security deposit won’t cover these damages--” 

“Here.” Wade handed her over a credit card. “Just put it on that and don’t worry about it. We got a little carried away but it was a really good night.” He hooked his arm around Peter and kissed him sweetly. “Only gonna get married once, you know?”

“I love you, husband.” Peter stood on his toes and kissed him back. “So much.” 

“I love you too.” Wade turned back to the attendant. “Extend our apologies to the hotel manager but tell him we couldn’t really help ourselves.” 

“You couldn’t really help yourselves?” 

“Oh come on.” Wade winked at her. “You know virgins are on their wedding night, right?” 

“Wade, for the love of--” 

**********************

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#ncts fics #spideypool #sundays with spideypool #peter parker #wade wilson

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET ‘19 EPISODE 23 VS FRUITS BASKET ‘01 EPISODE 19

Ok! We’re finally here! We’re at the beginning of the storm! I’m so nervous... I didn’t know how to do these comparisons especially the storyline in the 2001 version not syncing up completely with the 2019 version. But I’m just gonna try and puzzle piece my way through it, ‘kay? :)

-------------------------------------------------------------

Also, just some notes that I wanna state about the 2001 version so I don’t keep repeating myself for the next 2-3 weeks:

- I love love love the opening. It breaks my heart and heals it every time I hear it and the images of the characters by doorways/windows/alleyways looking outward and always to the side of the frame is a great artistic choice and metaphor. Also, the lyrics are just simply... everything. ‘Let’s stay together always...’

- Some of the colour choices in clothing (or even the hair) that the characters have are... interesting. I definitely find myself appreciating the newer version as you can tell they put more thought into it, even if I do think the power ranger assigned colours are kinda silly. But really? Kyo wearing pastels?! No way. ...But I kinda love it anyway. Outfit Appreciation: 2.5 stars.

- I adore the music box sounding background music. It really adds a lot of whimsy to the show and kinda reminds me that Fruits Basket in a lot of its elements takes inspiration from fairy tales. 

- The English dub voices obviously sound different and in comparison to the 2019 version, you can really tell how much they’ve all matured as VAs. ESPECIALLY Laura Bailey and Jerry Jewell.

- I also adore how ridiculous and mostly comedic the 2001 version is. Which makes the later turn in the anime so much more heartbreaking and tough to watch as it comes as such a shock compared to the tone of the rest of the anime. Unbalanced? Maybe so. But on a shallow kind of level without thinking too hard, I can enjoy it.

- I love 2001!Shigure. Again, it’s a shallow choice and I don’t deny he’s a lot more interesting and fleshed out in the manga/2019!anime. I just like 20-something year old, new-father-to-two-teens-but-he’s-not-like-a-FATHER-he’s-a-’cool-older-brother’ who likes to laze around the house in his kimono and ISN’T MENTALLY TRAUMATISING THEM. Well, without meaning to anyway... AND LOOK HOW CUTE HE IS.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Right! Let’s get into it! 

This is me knowing the future trauma I’m going to have to go through with this anime.

But in all seriousness, the 2019 version really captured Tohru’s depression a lot better. Especially with the later scene where she breaks down in front of Kyo in the bedroom. A+ crying from Laura Bailey, I really felt it this time. As I said, the 2001 version seemed like it didn’t wanna deep dive too much so I’m glad we get a deeper in look to the complexities of Tohru this time.

It might be a translation ‘nothing’, but I find it interesting that Kyo felt like he jinxed her. Especially linked with his comments to Kagura later about how he feels ‘no one should want to hang around him’. I mean we’ll get into the reasoning for this most likely in the next two episodes but you can probably guess why... Poor kitty.

(Also side note: Do you think that’s why - out of everyone that has been bullied in this anime - Kyo seemed the least affected by school bullies? Is it cos of his experience within the Sohma family and his curse, that he almost expects that everyone he meets would treat him like that? It’s interesting because Hana had the same thought process towards her own bullying but she never fought back... But Kyo did. I might just conclude this thought as it just being in his nature to fight back, but we’ll see...)

Also, 2001 giving us Kyo freaking out in cat form about Tohru’s fever was pretty funny. Man, they really did do an overkill with the transformations back then...

2001 really was not good at showing the gradual progress of Kyo controlling his anger around Tohru as much as the 2019 version. Yes, in the 2019 ep, Kyo was still annoyed that Tohru wouldn’t just relax and concentrate on getting better but my God, Kyo is sooooo shout-y and yell-y in this version! And I don’t wike it lol.

However I shouldn’t shit on the moment too much. I do think 2001 wanted to show us that Kyo saw how receptive Tohru was to Shigure being calmer and nicer and it kind of influenced him to take more of a gentle approach to Tohru later. Kyo being influenced by Shigure is... questionable... but whatever, it’s got good intentions! (I still like the 2019 version better)

Momiji with the oversized work outfit! He’s so adorable I could cry.

- I’m kinda bummed that the 2019 version didn’t include the ‘Kyo stealing leeks from Yuki’s garden’ moment. It’s a hilarious moment (especially with Yuki’s reaction) and it is just PEAK ‘it’s not stealing if you’re taking it from family’ energy that I adoreeee and stand by lol

Really, 2001!Kyo... are you five years old?

‘ 🎵And at most... I’m sleeping all these demons away...’

‘ 🎵But your ghost... the ghost of you it keeps me awake’

Kyo seeing ghosts of Tohru is both unintentionally funny and dramatic in both versions to me, I’m sorry. I’m really just a child.

Where do I start? Kyo being ever so dramatic with the goggles and the face mask... Shigure with the all-knowing troll look. 2001 really gave us some gems and I think we all tend to forget that.

Plus...

I. LOVE. THIS. BROTHER. DYNAMIC. (I know it isn’t accurate don’t ruin the fanfic going on in my head)

- Tohru being depressed that she wasted Yuki’s time and didn’t fulfill her mother’s wishes makes me wish she was more so just concerned about herself and how she’s gonna pass for herself? But it is very much in her character to do so, so I guess I’ll let it slide. And I guess Kyo said what I said in well... his own unique way of giving advice.

- But when it came to the actual soup porridge scene, I lean more towards the 2019 version. There’s so much said in Kyo’s body language and Tohru’s own inner thoughts. She’s really falling in love with him and she doesn’t even know it!!! 

THAT PEEK FROM HIS ELBOW?! COME ON!!! STOP IT. MY HEART. these dumb fuckin kids...

I loveee the 2019 porridge moment so much more, but this moment right here just ELEVATED the whole moment. It says so muchhhh without saying much at alllll and ohhhh this poor boyyyy...!!!!! It really took a fluffy moment and just stabbed me in the heart and I guess I respect you for that? Thanks...?

I’m so glad the 2019 version is feeding us in stupid made up songs. *chef’s kiss* haha

- I’m really glad that Kisa calls Hatori ‘uncle’ in 2019 and not ‘grandpa’ like she did in 2001. Cos as someone in their mid-twenties that shit was straight up offensive lol

The Momiji and Kyo moments are always so heartwarming in this version. My faves. <3

- Also I dunno why but I really liked Hatori, The Doctor Who Smokes in the 2001 anime. It didn’t make sense but quite honestly if anyone in this anime chose to smoke to let off some steam, it should be him. (Not an advocate for smoking)

---- Right! No more 2001 comparisons cos the episode that is equivalent to this part of the episode is also riddled spoilers for the next 2019 episode so... just normal review from here. ---

Why is it that Yuki’s insults against Kyo always hurt so much more?! They are both terrible to each other but for some reason, I always feel it more when Yuki verbally backhands Kyo. Maybe it’s the way Eric Vale practically venomously spits out these words or maybe it’s cos Yuki kinda has more privilege than Kyo so it feels like he’s kicking a literal homeless cat.

- Also, my poor boy! Definitely felt myself sympathising a lot more this time around to how weak he was feeling.

Lol I felt that exasperated breath. At least this time, Kyo doesn’t call Tohru’s umbrella ‘a sissy girly pink umbrella’. A minor improvement? (So, I might of watched a bit of the 2001 version of episode 24...)

...Need I say anything? <3

- HEADLINE: Shigure ships Yuki/Tohru and Kyo/Kagura? What is he up to...

- Kyo shouting at Kagura in the middle of the supermarket was a shitty move but Kagura mooshing his head in response was great... what a terrible but very entertaining couple lol

- Kagura’s ‘If I told you, you’d cry...’ is giving me all the heart pain. How many times can I say that I’m not ready...

I’ve seen people in the tag compare this moment to his porridge moment with Tohru and while I agree, it does seem like Kyo just naturally wanted to help Tohru compared to Kyo feeling obligated to hold hands with Kagura. But errrrm.... I just think Kyo is a good kid haha. And while I do think he CLEARLY holds Tohru in a very treasured and locked away place in his heart, he just doesn’t like it when girls cry around him and will do anything to stop it. I also think he does care about Kagura, and that he’s more so annoyed that Kagura doesn’t seem to get that he won’t love her in the way she loves him (and well... her being a tsundere lol). But I could be wrong! I’m a walking manga amnesiac as always...

*HIGH PITCHED SCREAMING*

Talk about FINALLY. They really named the episode that and made us wait until the LAST SECOND OF THE EPISODE TO GIVE US THE WORDS: ‘You look well...’

What a tease.

And we’re not even gonna get into the preview for the next episode and how three words made me tear up minutes before I had to go to a party on Friday night.

Wow. This might be the longest review so far. I don’t doubt that next week’s will be longer lol. The reason why I wanted to do the 2001 comparisons will probably make more sense next week and I will also say my thoughts on the 2001 version of the events with the umbrella and Kagura and Kyo’s date next week before I go into the review.

Jeez, this took two hours to write. WHY DO I DO THIS?!

#fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket 2019 #fruits basket 2001

[ruffiorocks]

Supergirl Season 5 premiere review!

Ok!! So there's a lot to process here but first off WOW! Bravo! 👏👏 as season premieres go that was probably one of if not the best.

Ok... So opening scene, you could so tell that was a simulation from the way Kara talked. I should also like to give a big 🖕🖕 to all those that were dragging Lena saying she either:

1. Gave herself super powers

2. Used Kryptonite

3. Punched Kara in front of some school kids.

Is it just me, or does Hope the AI give off an "I'm going to become sentient and be a massive pain in the ass?" Vibe? 🤔🤔

My poor baby Lena, how awful must it be to believe that everyone you know has betrayed you, that you can't trust them and you have no one to talk to? So you create your own personal AI that won't (probably will ) betray you, oh and you bring someone (Andrea ) back into your life when clearly things haven't always been smooth sailing? Poor Lena!

Ugh..Must they throw out politics less that 3 minutes into the show? We have Kara talking about registering to vote?

Ok, so everyone is praising Kara, she's talking about having her work recognised, Baker and Lex being taken down, but yet again there is NO mention of the fact that it was Lena who figured out where Lex was, Lena who helped Kara/Supergirl etc. Oh that's right I forgot, the show doesn't like to acknowledge when things couldn't have been done without Lena 😤😤

Naww Alex and Kelly are so cute.

Kara suddenly has a dislike for technology?? Random and purely there for plot convenience.

Not going to lie but Jonn is kind of boring this episode.

Ok... So here we go again, Kara using stupid excuses to not tell Lena. Ugh.... this is getting so old and cliche to the point it isn't even funny anymore.

Yes!! They have Kara acknowledging that lying to Lena for so long while being all about 'truth' wasn't fair.

Yes Alex the voice of reason Danvers!! She can tell Kara off essentially while still praising her and letting her know she is good. I'm loving how it's ALEX who is saying Lena needs to know!

😂 Miranda Priestly, yes Brainy I quite agree! Id rather face Hannibal Lector than her. Oh bring back Cat Grant!!

😂😂 omg that handshake! I'm willing to bet that Alex's laugh was just Chyler not being able to keep a straight face and they kept it.

James is boring.

Strangely turned on by the way Andrea says her name 😅

James is boring.

Not going to lie, I know Lena wanted Andrea to keep the sale of Cat Co a secret, but I'm actually glad we got to see Kara's shock at not being kept in the loop. Humble pie much??

Ok the exhibit is funny.

Did they have a casting call for a creepy kid?

Dinosaur!!

Katie is so good at the whole pretending to be happy and friendly whilst plotting face 🤣. Morgana much?

Oh.... Kara is being indignant Lena did something without telling them all?? Another bite of pie Kara?

Hahahaha 🖕 to all those that said Lena didn't buy Cat Co for Kara. (I know she might be saying that to explain the sale away, but it's been said so it's canon!)

Oooh Lena is really making it obvious she knows 🤣🤣 awkward much lol

Dinosaur!!

Karas cape is more important than a bomb to Brainy 😂

Ooh here that's scene at Cat Co. I stand by my last post, James and Kara are incredibly rude to their new boss and have zero right to speak to her that way. James and Kara used all of the staff to gang up on Andrea and it's just not on! I love how Andrea roasted James though!!

Does anyone here ever read a contract before signing it?

Am I the only one thought Andrea was Lenas ex when she said "relationship"?? 😅😅 false alarm lol

Why is Kara still flying with a crap cape? She doesn't need one to fly.

trap!!

Midnight isn't all that exciting.

Oh so Jonn remembers Manchester Black, but i take it no one wants to acknowledge his blatant MURDER Of the disarmed non powered human? Ok writers you can forget it all you want, but I'm not going to!

😂 Brainy! It is great fun to watch Jonn shift into Kara!

Oh Alex you angel and voice of reason.

Yay Kelly!! Lovely advice, love how she's the one who convinced James to leave! Kelly just got a massive boost in my eyes!

William is hilariously obnoxious!!

Erm... Did Kara just FULL ON verbally attack her new boss? Threatening to fight her boss on everything? Dictating what Andrea can and can not do? Giving out demands? Jesus Christ, Andrea I know you said you're not going to fire her but man I would have on the spot!! Kara is waaaay out of order and getting way to big for her super boots!

I don't think William and Kara are going to be a couple, that's the exact same story as Mon El and Kara. No one wants to watch that again.

Ok so now Kara is bragging to Alex that she verbally attacked her new boss, telling her what SHE will and will not tolerate? Omg Kara get a grip!

Alex?? You're encouraging this? You were supposed to be the voice of reason!

Naww Alex and Kelly are cute!

Ooh Brainy is so funny! "To small to be perceived". He made her a new suit!

Holy s**t!! Kara just out right came out to Lena!! I really thought she would drag this out start rambling and not actually do it So Lena sees her change instead. But good for her, about bloody time!!

Lena genuinely looks shocked! She didn't expect Kara to come clean! Puts a spanner in Lena's revenge plot there lol

Jesus the acting of these two!! The facial expressions and the tears! Mel is really selling it! Bravo 👏👏

I'm loving how Kara is acknowledging all the things we've been saying, how her reasons for keeping the secret were dumb!

Oh I don't trust this Hope AI at all! She's encouraging Lena to hate on Kara.

Oh the speech, and Alex's awkward look!

No way was Lena going to immediately forgive Kara, I know we wanted to think it but Nooo! Far to soon lol

Omg!! It was Lena Kara activated her new suit infront of!! I'm living for that!

PANTS!!!

HOLY SH*T MUSE!!! Yesssss!!! What a sound track to use!!

Alex "how do you guys change so fast?!" 🤣🤣

Oh.. ... look...... Guardian is there.....Hopefully for his last appearance

Fight itself isn't all that exciting, and I feel like we didn't even get to know Midnight, that was way to quick.

James quit, good! Leave!! Seems a bit stupid he doesn't care about never being a journalist again though. But I won't dwell, because I genuinely don't care.

Alex and Kelly! Oh my heart!

Oh so Brainy has had A LOT of romantic experience then? 😏

Aww he loves her!!

I'm glad they had Brainy acknowledge his feeling at having been dark for that short time.

Nawwww a kiss!

That little girl is way creepy!

Oh so Jonn doesn't know he has a brother? 🤔 interesting.

Oh look Lena gets a super watch, ABOUT BLOODY TIME!! That could have prevented so many problems! Straight out of a fan fic lol

Oh yes, I don't trust this AI Hope!!

Lena no! You are NOT a Luthor!

Ok... so all in all a fab episode, nothing was dragged out thank RAO! I don't hate Lena for wanting to expose Kara, it makes sense from a comic point of view and from the pain she feels. The important thing is she didn't do it. People are allowed to feel like they are going to lash out when they are hurt.

I quite like Andrea, she's a breath of fresh air! Plus she isn't wrong in her ideas, just because it's something Kara, Nia and James don't like doesn't mean it's wrong. I think she was treated horribly and despicably by Kara and James though. Especially Kara! That was way to much and she should have been sacked. I'm really happy someone is at Cat Co now that is challenging her and not doing whatever she says, I think the days of Karaolsen magazine and Kara running out whatever she wants are done. But this is good!

Nia is adorable but didn't get to do much.

Jonn was pretty boring this ep considering the villain was out to get him.

James sucks!

Brainy is sooo cute and funny!

Alex and Kelly are the best!

Alex being the voice of reason is what I'm here for, now I want her to go see Lena.

Hahaha Kelly is the one to thank for ridding me of James.

The acting between Mel and Katie here was brilliant, the emotions the tears, the deception? Wonderfully done.

Lena didn't create any VR tech so take that haters!!

Kara's war on tech sounds like it's going to be for boring reasons.

I don't trust this Hope AI!

Lena isn't done for yet, "a fight for Lena's soul!" We can all find our way back to the light!

#supergirl #katie mcgrath #kara zor el #kara danvers #lena luthor #superfriends #supercorp #alex danvers #kelly olsen #anti james olsen #dansen #nia nal #brainy #jonn jonzz #andrea rojas

[im-not-corrupted]

Safi, No (a Witchlands Fanfiction) - Chapter Ten

Written with @un-empressed, who wrote Safi’s POV!

Read the other chapters: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine 

Chapter Summary:

Safi orders jackets, and someone we hate gets pushed off a table.

Also on Ao3!

At first Safi had really been joking about the jackets. It wasn't like they could actually get them, was it? And even if there was a way to subtly defy Merik Nihar through an outfit, Safi knew that some of her group members would never approve.

Of course, Iseult, Caden, Lev and Zander learned long ago to give up rather than argue with her. Making them wear their jackets would be a breeze. Leopold didn't count - he'd wear his jacket willingly.

What Safi was worried about was the reaction the others would have. They were friends, sure, but their friendship barely started. They probably wouldn't like her getting the jackets without consulting them. They wouldn't wear them, which defied the point of jackets. Especially these jackets. They were meant to spite Merik specifically. There would be no point in buying jackets that would just stay inside wardrobes.

But as the week went by, Safi started to notice some things. She noticed the way Vaness started owning up to being her co-conspirator. There was much more mutual respect between them than Vaness would ever admit, and that was fine by Safi. She imagined Vaness would wear it once or twice, out of solidarity at least. Especially if Safi went through with the plan behind the others' backs.

Would Vaness turn away a gift? All Safi had to do was pay for it. She would have to wear it sometimes, out of basic decency.

That would probably work on Vivia as well. Safi still wasn't so sure what her problem was with Merik, but she wasn't completely opposed to the jackets when they were talking about it. And besides, she was unusually touched when Safi offered to pay for everyone's ice cream, since they came as a group. A single jacket wasn't that different than an ice cream, was it?

Safi doubted she'd have any problems getting Stix to wear her jacket. Her involvement had been pretty shocking, and even though Iseult told her that, realistically, Stix could be telling Merik everything they said, Safi still trusted her.

Safi knew Iseult was right, because Iseult was usually always right about this kind of stuff, whereas Safi just ran in and hoped for the best. Still, she trusted Stix completely, as stupid as it probably was.

Aeduan was Leopold's friend, and therefore his problem. Safi was going to tell him as much. It might be harsh, but she needed to take care of Vaness. One unwilling person was enough.

Safi made a mental list of pros and cons, and decided that it was totally worth it. Now she just needed to find a good website and place her order.

Ten custom jackets. Now Safi just needed to decide what they should say. It wasn't enough to just get matching jackets; They needed to be personalised. Needed to have hearts.

Safi opened up the group chat, looking for the suggestions of what the jackets should say. After scrolling up to reread the conversation they had about it, she still couldn't decide. It wasn't like anyone took the discussion seriously.

In the end, Safi knew she had to keep it subtle. And out of everything she wanted to put on a jacket, she chose the most obvious thing.

The jackets should be there by next week. Ten jackets, all the same, just different sizes. Safi was pretty sure she guessed the sizes accurately. And, if not, Caden could always help adjust them a bit.

They weren't very expensive. Turns out getting custom text on a jacket was easier than she thought too. She just hoped no one would ask about the fact that her jacket said Bribery & Corruption on the back.

Safi couldn't keep the smile off her face. This was a perfect, reckless plan.

Safi took her phone out and typed: love the smell of extreme probably unnecessary revenge so early in the morning. She sent a text to the group chat, revealing nothing other than the fact that she was up to something, but wasn't she always?

She didn't have to wait too long for responses.

Vaness: Safi, no

Iseult: I second that statement. What are you doing now?

Stix: Does it matter? She'll tell us eventually. And it'll be epic

Safi had to agree with that, at least.

Caden: We are not killing anyone, Safi, just so you know

Lev: I mean, depends on what you offer

Zander: We are definitely not killing anyone, Lev

Stix: I could work with murder if it's Merik. I'm friends with his friends though

Iseult: So... You're okay with murder if you decide who you murder? Saf, you're creating super villains

Lev: villains are cooler

Vivia: And there's not nearly enough female super heroes, which means we'd be mainly against arrogant men. That's a huge plus

Vaness: I made a mistake

Safi laughed out loud at the exchange. This group chat was the best thing she ever did. Well, maybe not the absolute best, but it was definitely up there.

Stix: So what I'm hearing is that the two of you will have my back if I rob a bank

Safi: Make that three

Aeduan: Nobody is robbing any banks

Lev: Not as of right now, but we totally could do it

Vaness: Safi, you are officially dead to me

Safi laughed out loud. Making Vaness go through all of this was hilarious on its own. She couldn't even begin to imagine what her reaction will be to the jackets.

Safi: Wait, don't bury me yet. You'll have much more anger-turned-energy for digging a hole when you find out what I have planned

Vaness: Safi, no

[x]

Vivia was fucking beautiful. There was nothing else to it.

She was absolutely beautiful. And based on their last conversation, maybe Stix actually had a chance. That, or she was just being self-centered.

She hoped that wasn't the case. Being self-centered meant being like Merik, which nobody would ever want. The thought itself made her feel sick.

Although, admitting she was self-centered wasn't like Merik at all, so maybe there was some hope for her.

But, Vivia was absolutely beautiful, and nobody could convince her otherwise. She was very much aware that she didn't know anything about her - she had told Kullen as much, too, though he hadn't been much help - but honestly, she couldn't help the flirting. She had no filter around pretty people, especially Vivia.

Vivia, currently, was waiting in line to get her food - at least a kilometre from the Bribery and Corruption table, which she began to refer to it as when she saw the name for the group chat. It was a fitting name, considering how many of their little group were, well, bribed or corrupted into joining the revenge plan.

Stix hated the distance between them, but it wouldn't last long. Before she went to get her food, Vivia had promised she would be back, so Stix was hopeful about that.

Hopeful enough to pay attention to most of the conversation going on, anyway. With Vivia in her line of sight, the only attention the Bribery and Corruption crew were going to get from her was forever going to be half-assed.

"I think we can safely say that the rumour we unleashed on Merik was successful," Safi stated in a business-like voice. Her business-like voice usually meant that she was planning something else, and that was almost enough to regain Stix's full attention.

Almost. She was still too busy staring at Vivia, and she was not ashamed go admit it.

"'Unleashed'," Iseult quoted with an eyeroll. Aeduan sat next to her, and they had been deeply engaged in their own conversation before Safi spoke and demanded everyone's attention. "Again, we aren't at war and we aren't 'unleashing' weapons on him."

Safi glared at her friend, though because they were so close, it really had no effect on Iseult. "Do I need to remind you that this is war and the rumour was definitely a weapon?"

"No," Iseult replied with a roll of her eyes. "I heard you the first few thousand times you said it."

"Good." Safi turned back to the rest of their group. "Does anyone have anymore ideas? We can't just leave it at one single rumour."

Lev raised a hand. Stix wasn't sure who Lev was, not really - all she knew was that she was a friend of Safi's and somehow part of the revenge plan. Stix wasn't sure how. "The offer to help hide his body is still up," she announced with a large grin. Zander, sitting on her right side, rolled his eyes.

Safi chewed on her lip, then shook her head. "Tempting, but no. Too risky. Anyone else?"

This time, Leopold spoke up. "Who else shares a class with him?" Stix reluctantly raised her hand, followed by Caden, Leopold, Aeduan and Vaness. Safi didn't need to do so - they all knew that their shared Geography class was the reason behind all this. "Great," he grinned. "When you get a task you have to do in groups or partners, make sure that everyone refuses to work with him."

"I like that plan," Safi announced, grinning back, but Vaness had another idea.

She rolled her eyes. "And how are we meant to do that? We don't posses the ability to control our peers' actions."

"If we did, there would be no revenge plan," Iseult pointed out. Stix wasn't sure what she meant - would there be no revenge plan because Iseult would control Safi and make her forget the revenge plan, or would Safi have controlled Merik and force him into staying silent during that one careful Geography class? Both options made sense.

God, if they could control the actions of the others around them, Stix would've made him shut up long before Safi would get the chance. Honestly, it would've saved her from being annoyed constantly in his presence.

But then again, if the hypothetical situation wasn't hypothetical, Stix wouldn't have had the chance to meet Vivia.

Vivia, who blushed whenever Stix sent a compliment her way; Vivia, who hated Merik just as much as she did, if not more. Vivia, who only had four more people to get past in the queue for food before she returned to the Bribery and Corruption crew.

Leopold sighed but he looked eager to explain. "Easy! Spread another rumour. Maybe Merik has a deadly, contagious disease. Maybe Merik shit his pants a few days ago. No one ever wants to talk to the guy who shit his pants."

"So, really, we're just spreading more rumours?" Aeduan frowned.

"Yes, but instead of feeling sorry for him, they're disgusted by him instead." Leopold grinned widely. "Perfect plan, no?"

Safi nodded eagerly. "I like that plan," she repeated. "Though, if we're to do this, make sure-"

"Attention please," a voice announced from the middle of the cafeteria. The voice was strangely familiar, but Stix couldn't place it - until the cafeteria gave a collective groan.

The school only ever got annoyed at one person at the same time if that person was Corlant.

Stix turned in her seat to see that she was right.

Corlant stood on a table in the middle of the cafeteria, wearing robes of black accentuated with dark grey cuffs that only just stood out against the black. He held a microphone close to his mouth in his left hand and a hard-cover book in the other - he always had his book with him. Stix assumed it was a Bible or another type of holy book, but, well, this guy was no Christian.

She, along with all the other students in the cafeteria, scowled at him. Who the fuck went around wearing robes? What the fuck?

"The time has come for you to repent," Corlant said, voice booming. He was far too confident for a guy everyone hated. "To repent for your sins! You are a plague upon this Earth. You are impure!"

Stix hugged, noting the constant 'you's and 'your's. Corlant was the damn plague upon the earth.

"Who the fuck gave this guy a mic?" Safi asked. She was loud enough for the Bribery and Corruption crew to hear, but not anyone else.

"Can we formulate a revenge plan for him, too?" Lev asked.

Corlant spoke again. "But do not fear! You can be pure again, with my help! I am the chosen one, the one-"

Stix had been paying enough attention to Corlant that she forgot about everything else, until she saw Vivia marching towards him. She could practically hear war-drums in the background as Vivia ripped Corlant's precious hard-cover book out of his hands with a force Stix didn't think she possessed before whacking him round the head with it. Vivia then proceeded to climb onto his table, hit him again with the same book, before shoving him off it.

Stix was too far back to see how he landed, but the whole cafeteria burst into cheers, including the Bribery and Corruption gang.

Vivia was beautiful. She was the most stunning girl Stix had ever seen, standing on that table with no expression but annoyance on her face.

Vivia was also the most confusing girl Stix had ever met. Vivia was shy, was quiet - definitely not the kind of girl to shove someone off a table after hitting them with a book twice. At least, that was what Stix gathered from their previous conversations.

Stix certainly didn't mind confusing, though. Not when it was Vivia.

Vivia headed back to the queue to resume waiting for her food, but the students before her moved out of her way, changing, "Down with purity! Down with Corlant!" Stix could just about make out how uncomfortable all the attention she was getting made her, and when Vivia got her food and sat next to Stix, she put her arm around Vivia's shoulders in what she hoped was a comforting way.

"You're a fucking adorable badass," Stix stated with a grin, loving the way Vivia's cheeks flushed red.

Safi cheered. "Hell fucking yes, Vivia! You are definitely corrupted."

Stix shot her a glare. "She is not corrupted."

*

Read Chapter Eleven here: Chapter Eleven

#The Witchlands #Truthwitch #Windwitch #Sightwitch #Bloodwitch #The Witchlands Fanficion #Safiya fon Hasstrel #Merik Nihar #Iseult det Midenzi #Caden fitz Grieg #Lev #Zander #Leopold fon Cartorra #Vaness #Vivia Nihar #Aeduan #Stix #Stacia Sotar #Bribery and Corruption #Corlant

[alphabees-writes]

Glee - S1 E6 (Vitamin D)

They call it vitamin D for the whole thing but wasn’t it just a component for some really hard drug??? We love the bullshit

The millionth step ball change... And we’re only 6 episodes in

Mr Schue just said “Maybe so” and now all I can think of is the gif meme thing

heheheheheheh.......Sorry. Funny youtube. 

Sign #27 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He’s eating that sandwich in the GROSSEST WAY POSSIBLE. He’s chewing with his mouth open, breathing really loud, talking with his mouthful, and he’s clearly being messy about it because there’s mustard all over his chin!!! How is Emma crushing on this dweeb

Sign #28 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: When Emma says he’s got a “cute Kirk Douglas chin dimple” (barf) he doesn’t say, hey! Maybe don’t flirt with me, I’m married!

I’m genuinely starting to feel ill whenever I have to just look at Mr Schue...

Everybody trying to learn their choreo and they’re just.... Spinning. Kurt’s about to fall over, Matt and Mike are bumping into each other, and Brittany’s just Tasmanian Devil-ing her way across the room. Love em

Brittany completely ignoring Artie’s high-five and him being like “oh-- okay...” is underrated

Matt Morrison just delivered “simply stopped trying” really weirdly. I don’t know what’s throwing me off about it, but it is

You’re right, Sue. Bones won’t grow properly without fear. AND EMMA’S BLOUSE IS INSANE

“I don’t understand how lightning is in competition with an above-ground swimming pool” You’re RIGHT KURT and you SHOULD SAY IT! Bears and sharks aren’t in competition either! Call out post for Mr Schue: The man knows NOTHING of the most basic ecology!

The look Quinn gives Finn when he yawns... Let my mans nap!!!

Kurt did his best to get to the girl’s side. Can you fucking blame him? Puck’s still an asshole to him as far as we all know!

Santana and Brittany just casually linking arms... Be still my beating heart

Kurt just walking along with Finn to football practice... Look at those brothers go!!! I am ignoring Puck

Ohh Sue’s journal... A wonderful character

You’re right, Sue, Will Schuester IS to blame for the world’s problems. Please do destroy the man

“I’ve always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness” Got ‘em

And thus begins the saga of Sue pushing problem people down the stairs. I’m not saying she should do that to Mr Schue... I’m just saying, why doesn’t she?

If Will wasn’t flirting with Emma, he wouldn’t get all nervous and upset when his wife turns up. Them’s the facts.

Does Terri know about Emma’s germophobia...? Because if so, it’s probably not cool for Will to have told her that. Unless Sue did, but I wouldn’t put it past him

As if they could get away with hiring a random unqualified woman as a school nurse?

Is “route” really pronounced like that......? Huh

Finn getting Biofreeze in his eye will forever be hilarious.

LEVEL 2!!!

I hate hats. I don’t know why, but I do. And I want Kurt to live his best life, but man, I hate that hat

Cory Monteith really got paid to drool. Goals

“Puck, with respect, you’re more helpful when you don’t contribute” Tell him, Artie!!!

Everybody making fun of Quinn :C Britt, you’re better than this!!

People (I’m people) can hate on Rachel all they want but this scenario is one example of her actually working harder than anybody else in the group. Yes, the solos should be shared more equally, but it’s hard to be mad at her when the others are claiming her ideas as their own and sitting around when they should be rehearsing. Except Brittany! She’s stretching, at least, love her

Terri let him NAP. WITHOUT DRUGS.

Finn’s having some serious mental health concerns but he’s not getting what he needs and I hate it. Help him!!!

Why does Terri care if Finn’s not faithful? Like, yeah, he should be, but it’s not going to affect the baby!

Surely if she took those pills for ALL of high school, they would’ve lost their effect after a while?

God I love high Finn. He just CHUCKED Matt outta that chair. 

Puck knows what’s up. Kurt thinks it’s vitamin C, because Vogue said so, and Iove him. He also looks SO weirded out

Terri gave him a whole BOX huh?

Time for season 1′s best mash-up. I love this so much. They’re all going so HARD and Finn looks like his eyes are about to pop right out. The way he’s rubbing the mic... How could they not tell he was off his face???

MIKE’S SINGING. MIKE’S SINGING BACK UP AND NOBODY’S WINCING. Glee has no continuity confirmed

I feel like I shouldn’t find this performance cute because they’re all meant to be high as shit BUT THEY’RE JUST SO EXCITED???

Kevin McHale bumps every song features in up by at least 2 letter grades and that’s just a fact

LET MIKE CHANG DANCE!!!! LET HIM DANCE FOREVER HE DESERVES SO MUCH

I would say the same for Matt but then I’ll get sad about him being dumped into the void in like 16 episodes time

Oh Rachel worrying about Quinn... Be still my gay heart

Rachel just cuts right through her bullshit without hesitating for a second. She knows what it’s like to feel like the odd one out and she’s doing the absolute most to make sure Quinn doesn’t feel that way and I love her for it

The way Quinn slowly turns to face her... And Rachel says they don’t have to be enemies and Quinn can’t understand why Rachel would offer her a second chance... 

Quinn legit draws porn of Rachel it’s canon. I mean it’s fucked up but there are only so many reasons a person would do that

“I would’ve tortured you if the roles were reversed you know” “I know” And then the way she watches Rachel walk away... My HEART

Ken and Terri, the power duo of awful

“Laughing... Talking... All the stuff she never does with me” I hate it. They suck. Emma is a dumbass for agreeing to date a guy who she just genuinely doesn’t like and Ken’s just an ASSHOLE for bullying her into it

And now Ken’s about to propose because he’s being bullied into it. Why the fuck does this happen?

I don’t buy that Rachel took this long to berate all the girls for not prepping their mash-up harder after the boys killed theirs. She’d be right on that

Kurt I love the waistcoat and the bowtie but WHAT is happening on your ELBOWS.

You really wanted those guys in cornrows, Kurt? None of them have the length for it. ALSO I love that the exotic bird feathers thing comes back next season 10/10

F-ROD!!! GO OFF RACHEL!!! Even if Finn doesn’t know what half these words mean!

Rachel really wakes up with flawless hair, huh! And then she just... Does all that. She never stops being extra...

Did they just start walking in the opposite direction?

I feel like it’s dumb that Rachel doesn’t just tell Mr Schue that they all took pills, but it’s more in character for her to not waste an opportunity to perform anyway

Howard Bamboo,totally unqualified man who absolutely isn’t staff, is just allowed on campus to deliver DRUGS? HELLO???

Quinn only gets folic acid... And yet I’m pretty sure she manages to keep up with everybody else. HOW?

“What’s up with Ken?” [FRANTIC PAPER SHREDDING] 

I don’t care how married you are, no person should lick another person’s face

I can physically feel the awkwardness between Will and Terri. JUST DIVORCE ALREADY

Don’t like ya Will but you’re right, shit’s not healthy if there’s no space!

Imagine proposing in the staff room at work just because a random woman told you to

“Emma Pilsbury, this is not an engagement ring” “Oh thank god--” “No, I mean, it is” Just take the L, Ken

AND ALSO ANGELS!!!

Quinn’s so fucking concerned. I love this

I usually don’t like yellow clothes but these girls make it look so dang CUTE. More pastels plz

Again, I have no idea how pregnant Quinn is keeping up at all...

HALOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Kurt’s wearing those blocky shades so the boys can’t see his betrayal

Where the hell did this mock-stage set up come from

“We came up with the idea together!” No... Will, that was Sue. Sue gave you the idea

Emma’s pretty much explicitly told Will she’s only marrying Ken because Will won’t be with her. EVERYBODY SUCKS

This argument between Terri and Emma is a nightmare. The most confrontational person VS the least... I’d fucking evaporate if Terri came at me like that

The way Emma’s voice shakes when she tells Terri that Will deserves better... Ouchie

Quinn is just adorable. Diana made this character, and she did such an amazing job... She’s more empathetic than she lets anybody realise

The fact that Terri won’t even help this TEENAGE GIRL pay for the baby that she’ll eventually adopt is a nightmare. Where do you expect her to get the cash from?

Wanting to get married without being married is kind of a mood... Secret marriage

BEING A PUSHOVER WHEN IT COMES TO YOU DOESN’T MAKE HIM A GOOD MAN

Finn and Rachel both realising they screwed up is perfect. 

Finn continuing to not know what any words mean is also perfect

This is a cute Rachel moment actually... Yes girl compete WITH your friends!!! You’re a team!!!!

Ahh, methamphetamines! That’s what it was. Yeah, fuck Terri

I’m still looking at Matt Morrison’s lips and trying to figure out if he’s had fillers. They just curl too far!!!

Mr Schue being called out for making things too competitive - fine, I guess. Bringing in SUE to rectify that...??? Hello? Figgins?

Those white jeans are a LOOK Kurt. He’s like a twink Steve Jobs rn

Britt and Santana’s little smiles at each other when Sue’s announced as co-captain... Hell yeah future wives

I’d like to think Will’s upset about Emma marrying Ken for the right reasons (i.e. Ken’s an asshole) but we been knew he’s not. He’s looking at her like he’s just been shot

AIN’T NOTHIN GONNA BREAK MY STRIDE! NOBODY GONNA SLOW ME DOWN! OH NO, I’VE GOT TO KEEP ON MOVIN!

I really just love how stupid this show is! It makes no god damn sense and I fall for it every time!

#Glee #Glee Season 1 #Rosie watches things and then says things about the thing

[popcrone818]

Wicked Games Part 6

A/N: I would just like to apologise for anyone that might have been offended by my last chapter. It was never my intention and I know i should have put a trigger warning at the start in the first place but it completely skipped my mind. Anyway hope I haven't lost any readers due to that and I hope you love this chapter. Still not really fluffy, just Eric and Amaya still trying to work out their feelings for each other.

The next couple of days had just been a blur of emotions as Tobias and I stayed in my apartment and wrote down everything that we thought Marcus might need to be executed for. Mainly everything he had done to us. I hadn't seen Eric except for maybe in passing in the dining hall. There was a part of me that didn't want to see him at all but I knew I would have to eventually. He knew more than my own brother did at this point and I couldn't understand why he hadn't even come to see how I was feeling. I will admit it did hurt a little bit, but I didn't let it get me down. Eric was his own person and he was a very confusing person that's for sure.

"Dinner?" Tobias asked as he rubbed his face with his left hand. We hadn't left the apartment since breakfast and my stomach had started to eat itself. I didn't have any food in the house, only coffee and coffee just would not be sufficient at this stage of hunger. I followed him down to the dining hall where Tris joined us on our table, along with her she brought Christina and Will. Christina elbowed me in the ribs and before I could growl at her she nodded her head behind me. My heart dropped to my stomach as I took in the sight before me. Sitting over on my usual table, or as most initiates liked to call it the 'Leader' table, was Angela Hodgkins with her arms and lips wrapped around Eric as he just sat there taking it all. I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose, why did he has this effect on me? How could I shake his grasp on me? I took a large shaky breath before I pushed myself away of the table and started to walk away. I felt eyes on me as I walked quickly out of the dining hall, but only one pair of eyes mattered to me.

"Amaya! Wait up, I'll walk with you." Tris caught up to me just before we rounded the corner towards the chasm. It honestly felt good to be with another girl for once instead of one of the boys.

We walked in silence until we got to the chasm. Suddenly, my mouth was covered and an arm wrapped its way around my throat dragging me backwards towards the edge of the chasm and back the way we had come before. I started screaming and thrashing about but my screams were muffled by the hand. I looked over and noticed Tris was in the same sort of predicament. Our attackers, or more Tris' attacker, was wearing a black ski mask and I couldn't make out any distinctive tattoos or anything else. I had been able to twist around in my attackers arms, clearly this was just an initiate as it was almost too easy to move in their grasp. I got in a few good punches and kicks before I gripped the black ski mask and yanked it off his head. Al's face came into view and I noticed Tris had done the same with her attacker; Peter.

"Why did you tell me you didn't want to date? You could have just as easily told me you were dating someone, or is it supposed to be a secret? I see you two are always together and I noticed that you both left your apartment this evening together." I blinked back a few times just trying to grasp at what Al was insinuating when I started laughing.

"You think I'm dating Four?" I asked as I looked over to Tris, peter still had his arm around her neck and looked like it might have been a little too tight. I went to take a step toward them when Al's hand reached out and pinned me against the wall by my neck. His hands large enough to be able to hold me still even as I struggled.

"You see I did think that, and for a while I believed it, but then the other day I noticed that you eft Eric's apartment and that got me thinking. Are you seriously too stupid to realise those two hate each other? Why are you leading Eric on while you date Four? You must be a real whore to do that and to a Dauntless leader no less." I started laughing all over again. The look of pure confusion on Peter an Al's face was hilarious.

"One; I am not leading Eric on, there is nothing going on there. He feels nothing for me and I feel nothing for him. We are co-workers and we live on the same floor, that is all. Second; Four is my brother. That is why you saw him coming out of my apartment tonight. We are going through how to execute our father in a couple of days." I told Al through gritted teeth. I heard peter laugh cynically, I turned my head in his direction.

"You must be seriously daft 'stiff'" I stiffen at the old nickname for an Abnegation. I hadn't been called that since my initiation before I kicked Eric's ass gaining a new sense of appreciation from the Dauntless leader. "Eric is mad for you and you're just too blind to see it." Peter throws his arm forward hitting Tris in the jaw and as I pull my arm back to take a shot at Al, Peter and Al were pulled off us and thrown over to the other side of the hallway. Four and Eric stood over the boys as Tris started to visibly shake. I squared my shoulders, I was no longer going to be the weak Dauntless leader, I needed to re-establish my leadership. Max had made me a full leader recently for a reason, and the reason was not because he felt sorry for me.

"Zeke, can you take these two to the infirmary, Four you and I will take Tris to your apartment to get her cleaned up. Eric, can you look on the cameras for the evidence and lower their rank as well." Everyone, but Eric, nodded at me. He made to step towards me with his hand slightly outstretched in my direction and a look of concern quickly flashed through his eyes. But it had disappeared as soon as I sent him a quick glance and glare as I helped Tris stand and followed Four to his apartment where he sat her gently down on his bed. Four cleaned her up and made sure she was alright while I busied myself around his apartment. I needed to get my mind off Eric for a small amount of time. And Tobias' apartment was just the right amount of disorganised for me to be sufficiently distracted long enough that my heart didn't hurt anymore and my head was a little bit clearer. I felt like li could finally finish the announcement that I had to make at my fathers' execution in 24 hours.

"She's asleep, what happened out there? And why aren't you freaking out? What made you run off in the first place?" Tobias asked me as he walked into his kitchen, he knew I needed coffee and I wasn't about to decline as I continued to scribble down the announcement for tomorrow.

"Eric is with Ange now. And I needed to remind the faction that I am a leader, it seems the initiates have forgotten that little bit of information. I'm fine Tobi I can't keep being weak. I'm Dauntless, better yet, I'm a fucking Dauntless leader. I have got to stop being a scared little girl, I've been here over a year now." I took the mug from him gratefully and took a long sigh and a deep sip. He seemed to understand where I was coming from with my little rant and we finished our coffees in silence before I took off towards my apartment and decided that I would call it a night. Eric's reading glasses sat on my nightstand and I fell asleep thinking about him and his grey blue eyes yet again.

Eric P.O.V

I slightly pushed Ange off my lap as I watched Amaya walk quickly out of the dining hall. The stiff initiate followed her out and I gave Ange a quick kiss before I looked over to Four. We may hate each other but we would do anything to keep her safe, even if that meant joining forces. We could hear yelling and laughing from near the chasm. I knew that laugh from anywhere. Amaya. At east I knew she was safe, but I was also starting to think she may have lost it as I heard her next sentence.

"One; I am not leading Eric on, there is nothing going on there. He feels nothing for me and I feel nothing for him. We are co-workers and we live on the same floor, that is all. Second; Four is my brother. That is why you saw him coming out of my apartment tonight. We are going through how to execute our father in a couple of days." My heart just dropped, I knew I was dating Ange just to get over her, just be able to function normally to some degree and to also keep my reputation up, it had started to slip the more I hung out with her, but I had turned to Ange the other day and asked her out. I hadn't seen Amaya since the night she had spent in my apartment and I didn't expect to see her for a while longer.

The sound of a fist hitting flesh brought me out of my head as Four leapt forward and pulled Peter off Tris' body and I reached forward to pull Al off Amaya, even though I could clearly see that she was about to give one of her good ones. Even I knew how much they hurt. I subconsciously rubbed the spot n my jaw where she had given me a good one when I pushed her too far in training during her initiation. I noticed her pull her shoulders back as she cracked her neck and stood up just that little bit straighter. She started to bark out orders and to be honest when she turned to me the breath was just knocked out of me. I didn't even hear what she had said to me before she glared at me and walked off helping Four and the stiff walk away. I turned to Zeke who was helping Hector with the two initiates.

"She told you to look at the cameras for the evidence and to lower their ranks as well." He sighed at me before he and Hector pushed Al and Peter towards the infirmary. It wasn't until then that I had actually gotten a good look at them. Al had a decent sized shiner on his jaw and had blood coking out of his nose and left ear. I smiled knowing that Amaya had done that to him. Peter wasn't as bad but Tris had apparently gotten a few good hits in as well. Maybe she wasn't as weak as I first thought she was.

As I made my way up to the control room to check out the security camera's Ange came up to me and pushed me in an empty training room. As I felt her hands glide down my torso and rest on the waistband of my jeans, I suddenly couldn't stop the thought of Amaya finding out about this. I pushed Ange off me slightly. She's always had a thing for me and there have been a fair few times where we have snuck around and done the deed in secret. We had decided that now would be a good time to actually become official but I'm not too sure I was ready for public affection just yet. I had to get my reputation back. I pushed her off me gently.

"Later. My apartment." With a nod of her head she was off. I blinked, that had been easier than in the past. I shrugged and continued my walk to the control room. There had been nothing on any of the cameras so I just lowered their rank and went about my night. Ange had been dressed up or should I say dressed down when I had arrived home. Instantly using her to forget the day I had just had I pounced and we went at it for hours. But I couldn't shake the thought of Amaya as I fell asleep for the night.

#eric coulter #eric divergent imagines #eric x oc #eric divergent #eric imagines #divergent imagines #jai courtney #jai courtney imagine

[mcrmadness]

I was tagged by @cupcakecurl, thank you so much! I’ll try to remember to tag you whenever I am tagged the next time!

It’s a long post so I put it under the “keep reading” link.

1. Do you ever make your bed? No. I have a loft bed so no one can see to there (unless someone is like 2m tall but I barely have visitors and especially not that tall people lol. Or maybe bit shorter people too but since I’m very short, I can’t see there :D) so there’s no point in making the bed. Plus I tend to sweat a lot during some nights so I like to leave the bed “open” so it can dry properly.

2. What’s your favorite number? 13. But also 23 and 123.

3. What’s your job? Currently I’m on a sick leave but my “profession” is horse groom.

4. If you could go back to school, would you? Ummm, I’ve been to plenty of schools but with a bit bad success... I actually love studying and learning but I don’t like schools nor going to schools. So I’m constantly wanting to learn and study but every time I’ve been accepted into a school, I have asked myself "why tf did you have to do this again when you know you hate this all???” as every time I face the same concentration problems with essays etc.

5. Can you parallel park? Yes, but I prefer not to do that on a busy road since I start fucking up things when I feel like I have to hurry because I’m bothering other people. So only when there’s not other cars going everywhere I will do that, otherwise I’ll find another spot to park.

6.  A job you had that would surprise People? I haven’t really had that weird jobs, all of them have been about horses tbh. And I haven’t done a real job ever anyway, just work trainings and school related trainings. But I might say here that before I figured I want to work with horses, I was trying to study animal caretaking and that certain branch was focusing on farm animals. So I have actually been to a cowhouse with milk cows and I have been milking them and worked with cows and calves there a lot as it was a huge part of my school. I also know how to drive a tractor and how to reverse with a trailer attached because we did this A LOT at school and we had to do this again when I was studying in the horse school and it was one of the tests to reverse a tractor and the trailer had to go into an imagined “barn”.

7. Do you believe aliens are real? Yes. I mean, this universe is such a huge place, why the fuck not??? I actually had this thought from a very early on that there must be life out there somewhere and I’m pretty sure they are aware of us all but let’s be honest, if you was from an another galaxy and found out there’s a this small planet with some puny people on it, would you want to get to know us? No, I don’t think so. If we have to kill each other for stupid reasons, do you really think humans would suddenly agree being friends with aliens too? So I still believe they are out there and are aware of us but don’t really bother meeting us nor even letting us know about them because humans are the most idiotic animal on this planet. If you look at all these scifi movies already (witch a few exceptions) and how we always imagine the aliens: if they are hostile, they are unintelligent, can’t talk and will make monster noises and they will look like monsters. If they are friendly, they are super intelligent, can talk or use even telepathy to talk to us and they are humanoids, never monsters. I guess we’re just so scared of them we’re obsessed with this idea and we’re scared they would be more intelligent and still hostile at the same time...

8. Can you drive a manual car? Yup, I have only ever had a manual car and I actually have never driven an automatic car. I’ve no clue how they work :D In Finland you can choose between a driver’s licence to manual or automatic car and with manual you can drive them both, with automatic you can only drive automatic cars. (Do people say automatic car or should it be “with automatic gears”?)

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? I was thinking about this a lot and I think I will agree with the person who tagged me and also say male/male pairings and shipping. But I don’t want to give the same answer (I think there was a really good points!) so I think I’ll go with an easier one: this doesn’t happen that often anymore but when I was still studying and working 4-5 days/week.

We were always listening to radio at work and we usually used channels with music from the 70s and 80s, maybe also 90s and sometimes even older than that. Once one of the workers left the place, we all started using other channels cos everyone was so done with that one particular radio channel :D Anyway, my guilty pleasure was that some songs sometimes stuck in my head, often from old and really popular bands that I couldn’t even link to the band itself. And I really hate earworms when they are not music I normally like to listen to, so I often get really frustrated with them and I start my hunt for the songs so I can listen to them and maybe finally remove it from my head. And here comes my guilty pleasure: reading the youtube comments to some really old songs’ music videos. They are often just so damn hilarious I was often dying from laughter when I did that! And it’s bit sad too because I would have loved to share with them other people but either they would have not understood the youtube comment humour or if I brought it up to someone who actually liked the music, they would just get offended. So I actually realize only now how often this was happening with the songs and I’ve found some really hilarious comments from there too!

I also had several songs I kinda liked to listen to when they were playing. That is something fun too because I wouldn’t say they are guilty pleasure songs but more like... just something for myself you know? I’m often really open but sometimes I like it more when I can keep things only to myself. And it somehow cheered me up when I was driving my car or working in the stable and then heard one of those “guilty pleasure” songs that I could enjoy and at the same time enjoy of the fact no one knew I was enjoying them! I guess I like it because I’m often feeling like being way too visible and I’m afraid that I give away opinions and feels without saying them aloud and what I really want to keep to myself, so that makes me feel REALLY good when I know no one can read me!

10. Tattoos? No. And not gonna have either. I have a fear of needles and pain, I used to have one pair of earrings and even that was terrible enough. And painful.

11. Favorite color? Orange, almost like the neon orange; electric blue, and black.

12. Things people do that piss you off? Ohhh are we talking about pet peeves now? I usually am very calm and it’s hard to make me angry but I’d say that what REALLY pisses me off is when someone/people don’t listen to me. And I mean when they literally tell to my face they don’t care, they don’t want to hear, and that I should shut up. That is what makes me really furious even. One of those rare things that make me really feel like I need to start smashing things. Also people talking over and not listening overall is something a bit annoying but I can take it, but not when it’s intentional. Also I’m very stubborn and sometimes not getting what I want makes me angry too since I kinda got used to that as the oldest siblings, but at the same time I am aware of this and I don’t think I’m surperior or anything. Just some things I need to pay more attention to about myself.

13. Any phobias? Fire (pyrophobia), needles and sharp objects (aichmophobia) and social anxiety (social phobia), for the starters.

14. Favorite childhood sport? I had none. I liked badminton tho but just like... a few times in a summer and then I forgot about it again. And as a pre-teen I actually was horseback riding regularly for about half a year. Then a pony threw me down and it was my first time falling of a horse and of course I had to break my arm. Since that I have fallen just once but I don’t really like riding that much, driving is more of a my thing now.

15. Do you ever talk to yourself? Not really, I laugh aloud more often but I don’t really talk to myself. I don’t like hearing my voice when I’m alone, it triggers my depersonalization/dissociation.

16. What movie do you adore? Oh what movie I wouldn’t adore??? I watch so many movies and it’s almost impossible to say just one... I guess I’m gonna say my favorite one of them all: Beetlejuice by Tim Burton. I have always been really interested in all kinds of different imagines of death because I have always been a bit afraid of death and I just don’t like the thought of everything ending on that. I can basically imagine that emptiness and it’s really scary and something I don’t want to have. So I have always been really into anything that will show death as something else than emptiness or permanent. And I really love it what Burton did with Beetlejuice and I just love all the details in there! I have seen this movie millions of times and still I feel like whenever I watch it, I find something I did not see the last time because there’s just so much to see! And it’s also really funny and full of dark humour which is 110% my thing and I think that movie is a perfect example of Burton’s twisted, dark sense of humour. I feel like I understand his humour so well that every time I go to see a Burton movie in the theaters, I’m usually the only one to laugh at things I get as these weird jokes he likes to put there and everyone else is laughing at things that weren’t always even meant as that funny. It’s kinda weird, but it just shows that he’s my favorite move director for a reason :D And back to Beetlejuice (was that now the third time saying the name..?), Danny Elfman made the music to this one too and the theme is probably my favorite Danny Elfman score as well.

17. Do you like doing puzzles? Yeah! I like both types: jigsaw puzzles and the other puzzles and I really love when video games have lots of puzzles to solve as idk, somehow I just love that :D

18. What’s your favorite kind of music? Uh, this is gonna take a while to explain. Because it’s not that simple... I mean, in a way it is but it isn’t? :D I tend to like bands that basically are of the newer punk rock but don’t necessarily be punk itself, but they all either have roots in punk or their influences were mainly punk bands. And a while back I actually realized that most bands I listen to, actually have lots of the same bands behind there as their influences but all these bands (that I listen to) are all totally different from each other. So I like music that is based on punk rock but with a lot of new stuff added to them and I like music that is very diverse and offers a lot for the ears to hear, lots of layers and instruments etc. but so that on an album there isn’t 10 songs that are hard to tell apart ebcause they sound so alike, but more like 10 songs that are all different enough from each other but still similar enough that they sound like they belong into the same album. I’m very picky with music but the more I look back into what my music taste has been over the years, I still seem to always like the same things, and one of the things I like a lot with music is when there’s violins and/or pianos, I also like brass, but only when it’s there every now and there and not in every song. When not getting too much of something, it stays interesting, otherwise I’ll become very bored and start to look for “new” stuff to have enough stimuli.

So, many probably are already aware that my favorite band is Die Ärzte. And others, from the US: MCR, The Killers and Yellowcard. Rammstein from Germany and there’s some other German bands I might listen to too. From Finland I like bands like: Apulanta, Tehosekoitin, Klamydia, Häiriköt... And have to say here that as weird as it sounds, DÄ, MCR and Apulanta are quite different but all of them have lots of the same bands that influenced them! :D And Rammstein is probably the most different but hey, they also have punk roots! (And I like Feeling B too, btw. It’s very rare to me because I normally don’t like THAT regular punk but I really love the drums, escpecially when Schneider joined the band, and all the other instruments and the synth just made them to stand out!) And even The Killers share some influence bands with DÄ and MCR which is super interesting as there’s nothing punk in their style, but they’re still one of the most important bands from my teenage years. I was about 14 when I heard of them for the first time at school and since there was no Youtube yet, the hunt for the song, “Somebody Told Me”, was quite intense because only way to find it was to one day hear someone mention the song and band name on radio, but fortunately I did catch it! The album I found only 1-2 years later tho, when their 2nd album was released and I found both albums from a record store (R.I.P. record stores...) here.

So, that’s my favorite kind of music. Fast, interesting, lots of layers and instruments, good singing and it has to have lots of melody too. I live from songs with lots of melody.

19. Tea or coffee? Tea, and actually the only tea I drink is Earl Greay and I drink that on a daily basis. Usually just 1 cup/day but sometimes even 2. 3 starts to have bit too much caffeine already. And from here we get to the reason I don’t drink coffee: my head can’t stand caffeine and the only time I do drink coffee is because I need caffeine aka when I drive longer distances with a car, but it causes me exessive sweating and I need to pee 24/7 and increses my panic symptoms and worsens my concentration skills so I try to avoid caffeine as much as I can. Besides, coffee tastes bad. It’s one of the best smells in the world and I HATE how it does not taste like that!!! So whenever I drink coffee, it’s not really coffee, it’s milk and sugar with a little bit of coffee in it. And ice coffee tastes better than normal coffee and I usually buy these readymade ice coffees you get in Finland cos they don’t taste like coffee. More like... milk and sugar with coffee taste lol.

20. First thing you remember wanting to be when you grow up? Oh I think what I said was “I don’t know, probably something to do with animals.” I also am not exactly sure if I was one of those kids being like “I want to be a veterinatian!” or if I did NOT want to be a vet, and so when people would ask about being a vet then, I’d answer no, but more like just taking care of the animals. And I was not wrong, I am a qualified horse groom now.

I want to tag (what? me? tagging people? uncanny!) @stufenlosregelbar and hmmmm... @bleibimmerduselbst, since I haven’t seen this one on your blogs yet. Or at least not lately, not sure if you have already done this before and if so, I’m sorry, I normally do remember things I see but now for some reason I can’t remember that! And of course if someone out there wants to do this but hasn’t got tagged (I’d but I can’t read minds so idk who wants to be tagged I’m sorry!), then I’m also gonna tag YOU so please, steal this and tag yourself :D

#tag games #mcrmadness' random stuff

[thefudge]

scattered thoughts on sanditon so far 

this is a fun romp from andrew davies and there’s a lot to like and be invested in

but i do have some observations/ gripes

obviously davies is going for a modern/sexed up adaptation of austen and i have mixed thoughts on that, cuz there’s a lot of interesting stuff you can do with that, but you can also botch it up big time (i’m glad he didn’t do this to p&p back in 1995...i wonder what that adaptation would’ve looked like today. probably full monty darcy, lol). so i think some elements verge on the ridiculous, for instance having almost every dude in this show strip naked in front of a crowded beach several times in a row. ditto for theo james. i don’t mind the view (hehe) but i think it’s inserted awkwardly at times. like okay, we get it, it’s a beach resort and we’re trying to make austen edgy in 2019.... just maybe indulge a little less and literally keep it in your pants. 

this being a more modern adaptation i don’t mind hair and make-up anachronisms, but i DO mind the fact that rose williams sports this really weird shade of fuchsia lipstick in almost every single scene. stop iiiit

speaking of which, rose williams is a cutie and i loved her on reign, but i don’t understand what she’s doing with her face in this series. don’t get me wrong, she does a good job of making charlotte very likable, but the only way she can express...anything, really, is by making these confused faces, like a child practicing frowning in the mirror. it’s...really awkward. and she does this all the time, whether she’s happy or sulky or nervous, she just always looks like she’s trying to figure out the fibonacci sequence.  i mean it’s hilarious when u have theo james going all gruff to her about his feelings and rose williams is that gif of the blond lady doing math in her head. her acting is pretty good otherwise, but those faceeeees.

esther denham is my goddamn FAVE, gosh i love a Disappointed Queen and i’m glad she’s getting away from that boring skeevy brother. for once the incestuous siblings didn’t do it for me at all (which is pretty much the point lol). there’s nary a dude more uninteresting than edward whatshisface, my gaaaawd (also, davies trying to ramp up the sexiness with those scenes of edward brushing her hair or doing her stays...lol, sir, this rly isn’t your strength i’m sorry)

but i have to say that i thought esther and clara would be a thing. because my gosh, the chemistry during their scenes! the way they’d glide past each other with utmost contempt, while being disquieted by each other @___@. i mean it’s an austen adaptation, so i guess they’d never go there but!!! i need fic (would’ve made clara more bearable at least. i appreciate her character objectively cuz she’s an interesting pseudo-antagonist and you don’t get many of those, but blerghh. she was insufferable)

i was kinda (actually very) disappointed that the relationship between sidney and his ward, georgiana, wasn’t really developed. like there’s one more episode to go (as far as i know?) and they’ve barely scratched the surface with them. i mean he’s halfway decent to her now.... but ehh. i feel like this was a missed opportunity. after all, this was austen’s unfinished novel, so andrew davies & co could have added more material between these two. this, to me, should have been the real heart of the series. 

i like otis as a character, but georgiana/otis was zzzzzz. i suppose that they’ll end up together? zzzzzzzzzz (i frankly ship her way more with arthur! she finds him infuriating! he’s a sweetheart! the shenanigans!)

that German doctor is the real MVP, i feel like he should be sanditon’s no. 1 bachelor. i mean the shower rod??? providing pleasure to all the ladies in town, what a hero 

the soundtrack is rly rad! and the cinematography

i love how the show captures austen’s growing interest in the industrialized modern world which was emerging in the twilight years of the regency and i feel like maybe the show should’ve invested more time in that modern aesthetic (steampunk!) rather the awkward sexual shenanigans 

so....i can’t delay the inevitable anymore, can i? sigghh okay here i go

sidney/charlotte...annoys me. 

HEAR ME OUT.

 u know that i love LOVE “enemies to lovers” and hate/love stories, i LIVE FOR THIS SHIT. 

and i was ready to gorge on this dynamic because it looked delish 

 but i felt like michael bluth finding the dead pigeon in the paper bag. 

from what i can gather, sidney is supposed to be a mixture of darcy and capt wentworth, “haughty” and proud, with a history of romantic disappointment, a brooding sexy hero with a heart of gold. but to me this dude just comes off as weird. 

there’s legit no reason for him to be THIS mean to this young girl he just met. he is not just an asshole, he is ridiculously over the top about it, to the point where he makes a fool of himself. i am FINE with a man telling a woman off, believe me, but it has to have some kind of motivation, some kind of reasoning behind it. here, it just feels like the plot needs him to be utterly shitty to charlotte so that “sparks will fly”. that first ep convo on the balcony??? wtf???? it was genuinely bizarre. i got weird incel vibes. and every time he lashes out at charlotte (at least in the first 4 episodes) it’s fucking silly, because it’s not like he lashes out because she’s scratching the surface of his innermost painful memories. no!!! many of their arguments revolve around basic things that he could easily clarify!!! which he does eventually, so like whyyyyyyyyyy. charlotte keeps telling him he’s being vague for no good reason and he still does it. it doesn’t make sense he’d be this guarded and outspoken at the same time. like, fine, keep that shit to yourself, don’t tell ppl, but don’t also get pissed at them when they don’t guess your mind. again, i love an antagonist dynamic when it’s done right, but here many times it’s just pointless bullying, it’s not sexy or fun or challenging. the writers keep making charlotte apologize to him about how “wrong” she got him and how he makes her doubt her judgement but it sounds fake to me. like a) this dude went out of his way to be a total assface to you from day one, b) none of that bullying was him trying to coax you into having a more complicated view of the world. when darcy rebukes elizabeth, he is hinting at her limited point of view. he’s not blatantly negging her or calling her stupid as this dude does. AND U KNO WHAT.

i’d be absolutely fine with him calling her stupid IF IT MADE SENSE WITHIN THE STORY 

like if charlotte had truly done smth stupid during the first episode, sure, fine, it’s somewhat warranted 

but for him to decide she’s an idiot for no other reason than her making some honestly super nice remarks about his brothers when he asked for her opinion is THE HEIGHT OF NONSENSE 

it’s even more nonsense when 2 episodes later he decides maybe she’s not that dumb after all FUCK U MR. EDGELORD

and it makes me pity charlotte cuz she’ll probably marry this dude and have to deal with him in his old age when he’ll be even more insufferable. 

and i totally get the appeal. i do! i mean their scenes are manufactured to make you want more of them, i see the chemistry, it’s there (and we’re already at a point in the series where he’s trying to make amends) but at the same time i’m put off by this dude’s intensity, cuz it’s not the hot kind of intensity...it’s more like he’s a giant dumb baby who breaks things. meh. theo james is very pretty tho, and he is doing the most with his character (that voice def helps!). but i wish this antagonistic relationship had been written better, because it could’ve been glorious

this is why i think sidney/georgiana should’ve been so much more present. just like darcy has his georgiana we need the humanizing element, we need to see more variety from this dude than just “guy who clearly needs anger management classes”. 

i’m pretty sure i’m in the minority or possibly one of two ppl not won over by this romance, and i can’t lie and say i don’t root for them. too much of this show is predicated on their clashes for them not to work it out and get together, but boyyyy do i wish they’d done it a bit better

i almost feel like a reylo anti lol, but at least kylo ren doesn’t neg rey every single time they talk 

also, i go back to rose williams’ faces because they just rly enhance how clumsy this dynamic is. theo james is doing byronic asshole 2.0 and charlotte looks at him like he’s developed a smell lmao. i mean the scene where she catches him naked? she turns around and FROWNS in this rly bizarre way, almost like she noticed a growth on his dick lmao it’s that bad 

anyway i totally get the appeal, but i also know what i want from this kind of dynamic and...this ain’t quite it 

honestly i think i prefer charlotte/cute architect guy whose name i don’t remember right now! 

that being said, my fave moments of this show are the most austen-esque, where ppl don’t take themselves so seriously. i mean the adventures of the perennially-ailing parker siblings (arthur & diana)? deeeelightful. the pineapple scene? glorious

also it makes me sad that sanditon was left unfinished because to see austen tackling georgiana’s character in depth would have been so, so interesting 

in conclusion, the show’s a lot of fun but also frustrating in many ways

i hope davies doesn’t set his eyes on re-adapting p&p or other austen classics because ermmm i know i’m trash but i am kind of tired of these sexed-up “look how scandalous we are behind closed doors” adaptations. you can make the regency era feel modern and relatable without “shocking hand job in the estate park” pls and thank u. sure, the regency era was the inheritor of the sexually relaxed 18th-century, but it wasn’t that relaxed yall. ppl still kept their wits and bonnets about them.

still, i’m glad this show exists and that it tries to take risks, i just wish it took different kinds of risks, if that makes sense. like i am SO bummed i didn’t get into sidney/charlotte, u have no idea 

#sanditon #my thoughts #the fudge watches #jane austen