#they're both so hurt and traumatized and isolated

[zeroducks-2]

Do you really think reverse flash is in love with Barry? I don't mean for this to sound snarky I'm just confused. Thawne killed Barry's mom how can you say he's in love with him? I like all the things you post and rb about them I really enjoy the ship. I just don't get it can you explain?

The question "how can Eobard be in love with Barry if he hurt him" has both a short answer and a long answer. The short answer is that people are very much capable of hurting the ones they love, on purpose or by accident.

The long answer is that Eobard is a deeply disturbed individual who has never been the recipient of love, and because of that and of many extremely traumatic events (including but not limited to being brainwashed in prison, being trapped in a timeless limbo alone for years, being tortured and treated like cattle and put in sensory deprivation for ludicrous amounts of time, dying at the hands of the only person who had ever shown compassion towards him), he has a skewed perception of a lot of things and is extremely bad at emotional regulation.

Moreover, and this is something which is easy to overlook but it's actually very important, Eobard is not human. His actions are informed by his traumas, but the way he approaches pretty much everything (including his "problems" with Barry) isn't done the way a human would.

Eobard is a timeless, deathless creature which embodies one of the driving forces of reality itself (the Negative Speed Force). He lived probably more than a few hundred years considering how he keeps running around through time doing stuff, and how he keeps going back to watch past events and adjust the way he will interact with the timeline next.

He knows the huge impact that killing Nora will have on Barry, but from a moral and ethical standpoint it's not a big deal for him. Nora is less than a speck in time, an NPC who served her role for that briefest moment in which she existed. She is a big deal because she is a big deal for Barry, not because she's meaningful in any other way.

"But then he did want to hurt Barry when he killed her" Yes, absolutely he wanted to. Eobard didn't "just" kill Nora Allen - he went back in time and changed everything about Barry's life, made it so he had no friends, made him grow isolated and insecure and shy, lacking confident in his abilities. And he did it because he is very, VERY angry with Barry for one, and also because isolating Barry makes it easier for them to grow closer.

And it worked! Back in the Silver Age, when Nora and Henry were alive and not in prison, Barry couldn't be bothered with Eobard. For him Eo was just a random criminal with superspeed, and sure he was threatening because speedsters always are, but not that much of a big deal.

Now? Now Eobard is a primary element in Barry's life, a constant he's had to deal with basically since birth, someone who rewritten his entire life to make himself part of it in an indelible manner.

It worked because now Barry is more likely to fall for Eobard's manipulation, to listen to him, to just accept that he's THERE because he's always been. Near the end of Running Scared, Eobard tells him "run away with me", and Barry says yes.

Back in the Silver Age there would have been no way.

It's worth mentioning that to understand Eobard, you need to understand that everything he does, every single thing, has the end goal of being with Barry. Whether he's trying to protect him or trying to hurt him or trying to manipulate him, whether they manage to work together against a common enemy or they're on opposite sides of the fight, every single one of Eobard's actions is motivated by love (his personal, inhuman version of love).

"But if that is the case, then why doesn't he just tell Barry 'I love you'?"

Two reasons, and one is meta.

The in-story reason is that every time Eobard tried to do something good without masking it as horrible, it went sideways and backfired spectacularly - mix that with poor emotional regulation, and you have someone who's not going to be able to handle rejection and is outright scared of doing good things openly. I think if he told Barry "I love you" and Barry reacted badly it would hurt too much. Also he wants Barry to understand, and thanks to a couple of competent writers who sadly don't work on Flash anymore, we were getting there.

The meta reason is because DC is homophobic, plain and simple. Eobard DID SAY I love you many times except with words, because DC editorials won't let him. That's it. It's the same reason why Joker can't tell Batman "I love you" and has to do weird ass word plays and even more weird ass attention seeking maneuvers. They're stunted by reasons which no one but DC itself can control.

So in short. How can Eobard be in love with Barry and hurt him so much at the same time? Because he doesn't have many ways of express love, he has a hard time being caring, and every time he allows himself to be soft it backfires. Because he wants Barry to belong to him and will isolate him and make him suffer to get there. Because he's angry with Barry -- Barry hurt him too, rejected him and left him alone and refused to accept that Eobard is his lightning rod for a long time.

Eobard easily lashes out when he's hurt, and the less grounded he is the more vicious and violent he turns.

"But Zero, how can Eobard think that Barry will ever forgive him for having killed his mom?"

I don't believe Eobard was ever looking for forgiveness, but fun fact. Barry did forgive him already. Barry is not human either, and at this point I think he'd forgive Eobard just about anything, and despite how difficult everything is between them, he really wants to get to a place where they don't need to hurt each other.

The problem with this, and it's one of the reasons why they have so many issues communicating, is that Barry is in denial about many things - about being the Speed Force, about Eobard being in love with him, about how they're two constants through time and two sides of the same coin and basically can't exist without each other, about how they're each other's lightning rod.

Their relationship is very complex, absolutely not what it looks like at first glance, and it's colored by all the hurt there is between them. But again, ultimately understanding Eobard is understanding that love is what motivates him, even when he does the most horrible unhinged things.

In conclusion, have this panel from The Flash Age which is one of my favorite Flash comics, in which you can see the way these two manage to trust each other and fall into the right rhythm, despite the oceans of misunderstandings and suffering between them.

Pages from The Flash Age, by Joshua Williamson. In which Barry tells Eobard to "do the right thing", and Eobard just does it.

#thanks for asking anon #you didn't sound snarky at all no worries #I tried to be as exhaustive as possible without writing a wall of text #idk how well I managed #I just know I could talk about these two forever #my asks #eobarry #barry allen #eobard thawne #my meta

[zehecatl]

i don’t think there’s any duo in the wide world of anime that does it like Ban and Ginji

#ze.txt #they are just. #i can't even put it into words they're just SO IMPORTANT #like i wouldn't even say they're the other part of each other it's more like. they're both fundamentally broken people #they're both so hurt and traumatized and isolated #and they give each other a home #ban's the leader so ginji doesn't have to be #and ginji's the heart- the core of every emotion that ban CANNOT have #they complete each other yes but they're also both complete by themselves #just broken and ruined and i just #love them so much they're so dear to me

[amyintherapy]

Things I've Learned in 18 months of therapy

When people repeat the same patterns of behavior that are more negative than positive, it's usually trauma related. Examples: Your sister who has dated 15 different men who all are emotionally unavailable, short-fused guys who don't respect her. Or your aunt who has gotten into severe debt several times in her life, always buying items she doesn't need. Or your friend who has always befriended people who are not disabled but don't work and chronically need 'favors' so they end up allowing people to mooch off them to the point of it harming their own financial security. Basically anytime you find yourself frustrated and wondering 'why do they always DO that?" or "why don't they just do X instead? They always do Y which just makes things worse..." the answer likely is, they have trauma related to this issue, and/or their behavior is related to their trauma response that they are stuck in. Of course, this is true for you also! If you keep reacting to certain situations in a way you dislike, or going back to a coping method that you see as harmful and can't figure out why you can't stop...it's probably trauma related in some way.

Part of being traumatized involves your brain trying to hide the trauma from you..at least most of it, if not all of it. My therapist has used the example of a piece of paper that is standing upright. You might see the fine edge of the paper, so you sometimes know a piece of paper is in front of you, but you can only see the edge, so when that paper finally gets turned so that it's facing you and you can read everything written on it, it kinda knocks you over and you feel like you should have known all of that all along...after all, the paper was right there. But you couldn't read it before, and you didn't even know there was all that writing on it anyway so you didn't realize such a big piece of your puzzle was missing. In other cases, the paper may be more like...trapped in a book, so it was always there, but you had no idea it was as you thought it was just part of the book, not this hand-written note hidden inside. So anyway, it's very normal to feel shocked at how lacking in awareness you were about the full impact or detail of your trauma once you get on a roll with therapy. I always knew I had trauma, and I've always been a self-reflective person...so I thought I was self aware of my trauma. But I've been surprised at how much I was failing to see fully.

ADHD is stupidly named. Having ADHD doesn't mean you have a deficit of attention. It means you can't control (aka regulate) your attention the way most people can. Tons of people with ADHD would tell you that they feel like they have too much attention. They are interested in ALL the things which is why they struggle to keep their focus on one thing while blocking out everything else going on around them. The things you do that cause you problems, were things you originally did to protect yourself. For example, maybe your addiction started because you were reaching for emotional relief and had no other (healthier) way to make yourself feel better. Or maybe you shut down and isolate when you're hurt, because when you tried reaching out for support as a child it just made things worse because your caregiver was reactive instead of supportive. Endless examples, but people do things for a reason. Your coping methods have a logical cause of some kind or another, even if they do more harm than good now, that wasn't always the case. At one time, they helped you cope with or avoid some bigger pain or problem. Depression and anxiety are both forms of avoiding other feelings. Much of general society knows the concept that "anger is a secondary emotion" (which is only sometimes true, it's also a core emotion) but I didn't know this was true of anxiety and depression. They're always secondary emotions. However, it's important to differentiate between sadness and depression, and fear and depression. Fear and sadness/grief are core emotions, but anxiety and depression are secondary. The fact that I am detail-focused and couldn't be concise if my life depended on it, are both ADHD related for me. Social anxiety is usually attachment trauma aka an insecure attachment. Anxiety and depression are often caused by trauma. I wish I knew this earlier. I spent a lot of time thinking of my anxiety was simply genetic or sort of temperament based and therefore unlikely to be healed or fixed. I don't mean to suggest that genetics or temperment isn't some element but...I can't help but wonder how many people are like me and don't realize they could heal a lot of their anxiety or depression by doing trauma work. I'm definitely still an anxious person, but I've seen a really big improvement in my anxiety. More than I thought was possible two years ago. Most kids and teenagers are avoidant in therapy, so they don't usually see as much progress from the experience, at least compared to adults. It's often a rather slow process to see improvement. However, it's still really helpful in the longrun if they have a positive experience with therapy as a teen, they're likely to try again as an adult when they're really ready to face their issues. Online, I've seen child therapists outright say that their #1 goal with kids in therapy is to make them think of therapy positively so they'll come back to therapy when they're older! I saw some progress in therapy as a teen for sure, but the 4+ years of it resulted in roughly as much (if not less?) progress than I've seen in 18 months of therapy as an adult. Apparently that's quite common. Talking about trauma feels awful, and it often makes me leave trauma-related therapy appointments wondering if there is any point or if i'm just making myself sad. A "okay, I understand this issue I have now was caused by XYZ experience from my past...but wtf do I DO about it? I understand it now, but I still have no clue how to fix it?" type of feeling. This is the result of being too close to the current day to see the full picture. Over the course of time, the benefits and healing always become apparent to me.

People who get angry often are sort of the opposite of me. I default to feeling anxious when I "should" feel angry (like when someone is rude to me), and sometimes also when I 'should' be sad. Most people who experience chronic anger are simply people who are converting their fear and/or sadness into anger. It's sometimes the difference between being an internalize and an externalize. Anger is an external emotion, fear/anxiety is an internal one. So if you struggle to externalize, you'll convert anger to sadness or fear, and if you struggle to internalize you'll convert sadness and fear to anger.

My "small t" traumas - like emotional neglect, are at least as impactful as my "big T" trauma (sexual abuse) was.

Sensory issues are common in ADHD, not just autism even though the content online often makes it seem exclusive to ASD.

I am probably forgetting a lot, but if I don't publish this now I never will. So if I think of more later, I'll just add on. :)

#my posts #trauma #adhd #therapy #mental health #cptsd #ptsd #anxiety #depression #generalized anxiety #social anxiety

[isnt-it-pretty]

Okay but imagine a Cyno & Kaveh childhood friends AU

(References to both their backstories)

Cyno was a shy child, small and traumatized. He followed around Cyrus like a shadow, clinging to robes and also looking a second away from running. It was concerning. He needed to be socialized, but it wasn't as if Cyrus could stick him in the Akademiya children's program and tell him to sink or swim. (Well, he could. Cyno would survive it, but he wouldn't make friends. If anything, it would only serve to isolate him more. Children are cruel, especially to those who are different.)

That narrowed things down considerably, but then Cyrus remembered a coworker, an almost friend. He worked with a Rtawahist scholar with a son around Cyno's age. The man and his wife were extremely kind people who loved their son dearly, which made Cyrus comfortable with letting them be around Cyno.

Kaveh is so eager to meet a new friend that leading up to the visit, he has to be told to calm down the excitement. Cyno is shy and easily startled, so Kaveh has to remember to keep his voice down and his hands to himself because Cyno doesn't like being touched.

The meeting doesn't go badly. Kaveh and his parents come over to Cyrus' house, and Kaveh immediately zeroes in on where Cyno is half-hidden behind Cyrus, but he remembers to stay calm. He asks quietly if Cyno would like to see his drawings and Cyno (with Cyrus' encouragement) nods.

They end up sitting next to each other as Kaveh goes on long rambles about each of his drawings. Most other children don't care, but Cyno is very good at listening and is content to let Kaceh talk enough for them both. On Cyno's end, Kaveh doesn't get angry or think he's weird for being so quiet.

That's the start of their lifelong friendship. They go to each other's houses, share goals and stories. They're friends, like normal children. It's as normal as Cyno has ever been.

Then, a couple of years later, Kaveh's father dies. Cyno sits next to him on the couch while Cyrus tries to comfort Kaveh's distraught mother in the other room. Cyno has never been good at talking, at comforting-- it's usually Kaveh who does that, but Kaveh is ghostly and silent. So Cyno reaches for his hand and leans closer until their shoulders bump, because what else is there to do?

(Kaveh doesn't cry around his mother, but he does around Cyno. Curled up in each other's beds, he sobs into Cyno's shoulder and says it's his fault his father is dead. He never quite believes it when Cyno says it isn't true.)

Even now, Cyno still remembers the guilt and sadness that clung to Kaveh (he worries, too, because he knows it's still there, buried deep beneath the mask Kaveh wears.) Meanwhile, Kaveh still remembers Cyno as that traumatized kid who flinched at loud voices like he expected to be hurt.

#genshin #kaveh #cyno #kaveh & cyno #cyno & kaveh #i didn't go into their Akademiya years in this but I imagine ot was a Time #being a teenager is literally to worst time to be alive so I can't imagine it went well for them either #this was meant to be platonic but I suppose it could be Kavehno as well #childhood friends au

[bowerywilliam]

you know what annoys me of the taylor swift album release cycle? the incessant, unnecessary comments the general public and even some people in the fandom make about how taylor "always victimises herself for no reason", or how she "loves to play the victim when she's just a rich popstar without real problems", and more recently that she "shouldn't use words like intrusive thoughts, trauma, and emotional abuse to talk about what's happened to her or her experiences with anxiety because she doesn't know what that's like". it fucking infuriates me.

taylor swift acts and writes like a victim because, quite simply, she's been made one, point black, end of the sentence. she should be allowed to write about her experiences with abuse, any type of abuse from any source, without people deciding for her if it was actually abusive or traumatic, or policing her choice of coping mechanism.

people's unwillingness to accept and acknowledge much of what taylor has gone through during her career as abuse and trauma is baffling to me because i honestly can't think of a term that describes it better.

she has been made fun of and ridiculised by the media since she was a child for doing things children and teenagers do (be naive about love, write about boys, go on dates, dress age appropriate), she's been slut shamed by everyone on the internet for dating a less than average amount, she's gone through public humiliation on a mass scale twice now (the first one when she was just nineteen) by a much older, well respected, established male artist, she has been abused by men both professionally and emotionally, she was made an example of what girls ought not to do or be lest you end up just like her, she's been isolated since childhood because she never felt she fit in with the rest.

she's gone through all of those things while at the same time being gaslighted (and i'm using this word in its original clinical meaning and not the internet meme one) into thinking none of that was as bad as she's making it out to be and she ended up okay so it can't have caused her real trauma because nothing happened, it was all fine and a joke. these are things we recognise as hurtful, abusive, and traumatic in other people but as soon as they're experienced by someone who copes with it through writing music she then sells for a profit then suddenly it's not and she's exaggerating it for attention.

she talks about herself in the same hyper-aware, hyper-vigilant, anxious way victims of abuse and survivors of high stress situations do and that's why her music resonates with so many of us who have been abused in the past as well, because she's putting into words things we experience on the daily and i genuinely don't think it's because she wants to. no one wants to go through those things and then go through a new cycle of humiliation every time you talk about your experiences just to make a few dollars.

it's maddening that the attitude most people take when discussing her trauma is to minimise it or straight up deny it because she was able to transform some of that pain into a #1 single

i don't ask people to sympathise or feel bad about her but to accept that we have agreed that online bullying and dog piling on a mass scale is abusive and traumatic, that women being taken advantage of by the male superiors is traumatic, that women being slut shamed for enjoying their sexuality is abusive and traumatic, that being in relationships where your partner is volatile is traumatic, that being coerced and manipulated into relationships with older men is abusive, that being retaliated against in public after revealing you were sexually assaulted is traumatic; so why should none of that apply to her? why is she not allowed to be vocal about being in all those situations without someone telling her she's not gone through actual trauma? why does everyone gets to decide for her whether or not she's actually been abused and if she can or cannot claim victimhood?

accepting taylor's abuse and her victimhood does nothing to take away from yours or that of others. accepting that she's allowed and entitled to discuss her experiences doesn't silence you. you don't have to like her but to dismiss her is disrespectful because when you do that you're not only dismissing her own experiences with abuse and trauma, but that of people in similar situations who empathise and identify with her.

TL;DR: taylor doesn't write about being a victim nearly as much as the people trying to discredit her work say she does, but if she did she would be entirely justified in it because she has been in a lot of situations where she's been victimised and abused by people who knew what they were doing to her and you don't get to decide if she was sufficiently traumatised by them or not. recognising taylor's experience with abuse does nothing to minimise or invalidate yours, two people can be abused in two different ways and doesn't mean one is less entitled to compassion. it's not a competition.

#turning off my anons in a minute because i know this post is gonna ruffle some feathers and i do not want to make it seem like any of what #i said here is up for discussion or debate. it's not. these are all facts and if you feel the need to debate facts then that's on you #everyone is up for believing and supporting victims until the victim is a successful woman who was able to turn the situation on its head #i am just so tired of people refusing to accept her experiences for what they are just because she's successful and rich #anyway....

[furiousgoldfish]

When abused children get bullied at school it sends a slightly different message to them.

Bullying in general, can be terrifying because of the violence, destruction, toxic social hierarchy that is imposed on the bullied child, the humiliation and the social abuse can be traumatic and scarring, and there's a lack of protection, social isolation and knowledge that even in the public setting, you can be hurt and others will do nothing to help you, nobody will stand up for you. That is, ultimately, rejection from your entire social circle; you're unwanted among your peers, they don't find you worthy of saving, or physical safety. It makes you distrust the society, and the good in people.

But abused kids also get this at home, so it's nothing new; for those abused extensively at home, bullying can even seem like not such a big deal. It was like that for me. When life at home would be a constant death threat, few kids at school destroying my things and mocking me in public seemed like a minor inconvenience. Nothing short of life-threatening violence would even upset me, and the kids at my high school weren't looking to go that far.

Looking back though, I understand that it did more than upset me, it let me know that I'm unwanted everywhere. For those abused in their homes, the only hope is the escape in the outside world, where we could dream, that someone would care enough to make sure we're safe, that the don't die from lack of resources, that we could possibly be loved and protected. But bullying puts an end to that hope before we can even start. It tells us, no, public is just the same as home. There's nothing for you anywhere, we don't want you either. It's going to be the same for you everywhere. It's because you're different and weird and unlovable that this is happening to you; you can see it's not happening to other people, so it must be your fault directly that everyone hates you.

I haven't realized for a long time, how far it reinforced the message of the abusive parents, that I deserve this. That in my case, it was normal, and that I'm ultimately unlovable and nobody could possibly want or protect me. 'Something is wrong with you so we're going to hurt you' is the mantra both of the bullies, and the abusive parents. It goes hand in hand. And having no space where I could relax or feel like I'm not going to get hurt, made the world a worse place for me to live in. Regardless of whether I fought back or not, it didn't change the fact that I was surrounded with people who wished to hurt me, and would take any chance to do so. It made me feel that there is no escape. I was just too weird and something was deeply wrong with me, and everyone could see it and agree upon it.

Except it's not true. Nothing was wrong with me, I was only unprotected. I would have been just fine left alone. Nothing I did was any incentive for any of these people to do harm to me. It was their choice to do so, to make the world less safe for those who don't have anyone standing in their corner, and nowhere to turn to.

What society tells us about us sticks with us for a long time. A message repeated long enough, from enough sources, will end up etched in our brain, without us having the ability to scrub it off. We're sensitive to how we're being perceived, and out perception is affected by what other tell us about us. So when people tell us the worst possible things, no matter how untrue, they stick. We can't know immediately, that they're saying it only to excuse and rationalize their own gross actions. We can't know that they need to say it, in order to frame their crimes against us as just and normal, when they're anything but. It takes intense and conscious training to link people's spoken opinions of us, to what they're intending to do to us. It takes a lot to realize that when they're talking with hatred in their voice about us, they're doing so only in order to create a fake scenario in which they are allowed to hurt us. They don't know or perceive us at all, they only perceive a situation where they can get away with causing harm. Our only crime is existing, unprotected.

#bullying #child on child abuse #high school bullying #child abuse #abusive parents #toxic parents #abuse + bullying

[starlightshore]

Gotta say, I love how you made so many posts criticizing people who see Chara as an abuser, yet in your own AU you depict them as a cruel, vindictive bully who tries to turn Asriel's family against her, drives her to suicide, then guilt-trips her into getting back together with them. Yet Asriel is somehow the real abuser because she's mad at them for ruining her life. I am by no means a Chara hater, but that seems a little inconsistent.

// CW: discussions of suicide, long post

wow, what an incredibly uncharitable reading of my work! thank you so much!

okay, jokey-positive aside. i shouldn't respond to bad-faith criticism like this because it's not worth my time as it's unlikely you'll actually hear me out in response. I've been online long enough to know you don't feed the trolls.

but, I'm an optimist at heart and I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you're actually upset with me and do want to have a civil conversation and are not just here to spew hate and drag me down.

Ask Fallen Royalty, the tumblr version wasn't handled the best as it was my first attempt at really trying to write this subject matter and I felt I didn't tackle it as well as I could have. that's something I plan on fixing with the rewrite.

that said, I have never called either of the siblings abusers.

they're flawed, mentally unwell and traumatized young adults/teens who are in no way equipped to handle the situation they were put in.

they both did awful things. Asriel packaged their trauma in a sanitized way for profit and sympathy points believing it'd benefit Monsterkind. they did so without asking Chara for permission. Then later, at Christmas, Asriel abandoned their family to go solo ruling. That's shitty! That's objectively really shitty but it's a very understandable reaction.

Asriel is taught that money is what moves the world and they believe they're soulless and a faker. That if anyone were to know their secret they'd hate them. so prevent that hurt, they cut everyone else out.

That's completely why Chara goes from "oh man I miss Asriel I wish I was good enough to have them beside me again ):" to 180 "Actually screw them for leaving me i hate them for this. i don't deserve to wallow in pain waiting for someone who can't even bother to text me back" them cutting of asriel is an understandable reaction for anyone, let alone a teenager! could they have been more gentle? yeah. could they have tried to fix things? yeah! but they're not a villain for not having the emotional maturity or foresight to handle a complex situation like that. they're like, literally 15/16 at this point of the story

chara also wasn't trying to drive people away from asriel? i really don't know what you're referring to with this aside from Chara deciding to tell the (at the time they believed) truth that Asriel is Flowey. At that point, Chara literally thought Asriel was replaced by Flowey. That they were two different people. That's not to isolate them- its to be honest with the family with this huge news. Toriel is shown not to care that her children are flowers, it would have never mattered to her as we see immediately that Chara is a flower and Toriel doesn't care.

chara also didn't drive Asriel to suicide. that's a blatant misread of the text. It's not that Asriel decided to die right after Chara decided to cut them off. and it's NOT like chara handed them a loaded gun or told them to do anything. all they did was say "don't lie to our family and don't talk to me, i don't want to be friends with you."

Asriel didn't decide to die until they felt their weak support system was breaking down. Yun wanted to be with Mew Mew, the Band broke up (Shyren, Napstablook and most recently Mew Mew quit), they made a big stupid movie that they hate (the epitome of their fake narrative on the silver screen), and because they ditched the premiere to check on chara (who was missing) their agents are pissed off.

Mew Mew then talks about how troubled Flowey/Asriel is and how being a secret flower hurt their social life. (The relationship with Flora being a strong example) like, Flowey always sabotages or loses those they care about because everyone else has their own life and they don't open themselves to create connections that last because they're running away. it's the culmination of everything going wrong that drives them to that point.

plus, it's hammered home later in Flowey's introspection that they feel horribly guilty for their actions as Flowey. parading as their perfect King when they secretly killed a majority of mosnterkind and did who knows what else is like. majorly fucked up.

i'm unsure if you forgot or chose to ignore the larger narrative or what's happened, but these things are in the story. they're both messed up individuals who have a hard time communicating their feelings -Chara literally brings up having emotional dysregulation disorder and CPTSD in the epilogue. Asriel's imposter syndrome and-gestures to Flowey) is also a clear indication that they've got some fundamental mental health issues that prevent them from understanding themselves and others.

it's a story about broken people who lash out against each other but ultimately come together in love.

they care so so deeply for each other! they're family. messing up (especially as children, teenagers etc) doesn't mean you shouldn't be written off as disposable. you're ALL capable of fucking up severely but you have the chance to grow and better yourself. you owe it to those who are willing to give that chance to do better. that's what the story has always been about.

I will admit that I plan on working on the pacing and giving chara more sweet moments so it doesn't come across as harsh -I don't want either sibling to be seen as a "villain" or """""abusive"""" as you call them. Except, yeah, Asriel is meant to be seen as an antagonist for a brief while, but that's set up Chara to come to that realization just the same as the audience should.

i hope this helped you understand what i was going for. if you wanna talk further I don't mind, but please talk to me as a real person. we're on the same page that abuse is bad. that people shouldn't treat each other so horribly. i don't excuse either of the character's interactions but i want to show empathy and understanding and that they can grow past that. i sincerely hope we can come to a shared perspective. if you wanna, i'd love to talk about i can make this message more clear, i'd love some proper criticism! i hope you have a lovely day and that you please be more considerate to how you to talk to others as I could have very easily read this anon hate/trolling.

#personal stuff #sams replies #discussion of death #discussion of suicide #ask to tag #long post

[misrepresentedmorallygrey]

PROPAGANDA

Basil

In Omori, Basil used to be your best friend up until the tragic events 4 years ago, where Sunny accidentally pushed his sister Mari down the stairs. Basil was the one who found Sunny action-paralyzed, realising that his sister was dead because of him. Basil panicked, thinking the police would take his best friend away forever. Thus, he orchestrated making it look like Mari hung herself, worsening the events of the game. Pretty fucked up stuff. Did I mention both Sunny and Basil were 12 years old at the time? Basil is often portrayed as either irrevocably evil or a pure soul who did nothing wrong. Both of these interpretations ignore the central issue that he COVERED UP A POTENTIAL MURDER because he was 12 AND DID NOT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. Prior to meeting Sunny and his group of friends, Basil was said to be isolated and alone. Finally creating this connection with others seemed to have made him terrified to lose these connections, and he's portrayed throughout the game to be haunted by guilt and characterized by his loneliness and fear of losing his friends, but especially his best friend, Sunny. He seems to understand now that he's older that the whole situation was incredibly wrong, and lives in denial mostly about his friend's hand in the events. Nothing seems to suggest that he doesn't realize what he himself did was wrong by the time of the game. He doesn't speak up, though, for the player's sake. After all, Basil has no idea that Mari's death was an accident, and Sunny has retracted into himself and refused to communicate on the issue. The creator themselves descriped the character like this: "OMOCAT describes BASIL as caring and thoughtful in regards to the friends he so deeply cherishes. However, his loneliness and insecurities are what make him dependent on others, sometimes to a dangerous extent." "In fact, OMOCAT adds that BASIL feels deep emotions for those he cares about, and this sometimes places him in situations where he unintentionally hurts others and himself." An additional moment that occassionally garners criticism, is that sometime in the course of those 4 years, Basil marked out Mari's face from his photo album, which he kept of him and all of his friends. This creates conflict between him and another character in-universe. What many fans seem to miss about this issue is that Basil himself is engaging in the same destructive tendency that most of the other characters also are - trying to deal with overwhelming pain with some form of denial and alienation of his old relationships. At no point is there shown any sort of hostility towards Mari from him as a character. Basil is overall a character who used to be a pure small bean but ended up doing something incredibly serious because he was a scared child, unable to deal with the situation at hand rationally. The horrendous guilt and consequences of the tragedy that happened when everyone were too young to process it make up the central themes of the game. By trying to morally simplify Basil's actions, we're also ignoring the overall point of the story; The deeprooted consequences of something extremely traumatic happening to children at an age where they're not able to handle it, and the permanent consequences it's going to have on their lives going forwards.

There's definitely a chunk of the fandom that likes to over-villianize Basil, I suspect to make the main character seem better. A lot of them say Basil forced Sunny into doing something bad, which given what we know about Basil's character seems highly unlikely. And they also give him a lot of flack for (admittedly bad) actions he takes during a mental health crisis.

Yuno Kashiki

She's far more morally grey than folks want to admit. She's not evil, not by a long shot, but she's not exactly innocent either. She's innocent of her (perceived) crime in her media, but in terms of her attitude and outlook on life, I feel people downplay her incredibly grey actions. She uses / used compensated dating as a way to feel "warm" without forming emotional attachments. She hasn't killed anyone, nor has she manipulated anyone into killing for her, but that's why she's a good representative of a more everyday morally grey person. Her actions aren't outlandish or extreme, and if anything she can fade into the background with relative ease, yet I still firmly believe she's morally grey. tldr; Yuno has far more depth than the (general) fandom sees her as having. She gets misrepresented and her voice as a character is often unheard.

Yuno Kashiki is an 18 year old rental girlfriend and sexworker in Japan. She was incarcerated in Milgram for murder at the start of the series in 2020. Since then she has been repeatedly dehumanized by the fandom. Having her agency and statements on her own life overwhelmingly ignored in order to give her a sob story she has consistently rebuked at every turn. Stating from the beginning even if she had to beg for forgiveness like her life depended on it she would. However, it's simply been handed to her as the audience continually goes she was too young and stupid to actually be held accountable for her actions. The same audience that later tries to vote a 12 year old child abuse victim guilty because she has to learn her lesson and she knew what she was doing. Yes the fandom interprets the eighteen year old who chose to work in the profession they did simply because they wanted to something they have no qualms admitting as having less agency than the twelve year old. They treat her like a stupid baby who's only error was not knowing how a condom worked as a sexworker. They say her only crime is an abortion despite her overtly getting upset at other individuals alluded to be clients throughout her songs. Having the literal lyrics of her second song go, ""Poor naive little girl"? So off the mark, what's it to you? It's absurd. Like really who do you think you are? Don't weigh me meassure me against your morality. Just shut it, will you? You know it all." And "Carrssing me with your "good girl". Who needs your self-righteous pardon?" They're so committed to the abortion equating to the murder she's in here for idea that fans got mad at the writer for even writing it that way when at least several other very not fetuses are alluded to throughout her songs and at points literally shown. Her first song even highlighting her clients belongings throughout it with inverted coloring. But instead of thinking she may have just killed a client who was bothering her they've convinced themselves that she's just a silly little outlier who's not meant to be here because abortion isn't murder her body her choice which fair if it wasn't for the fact the only people putting it on the table to compare to murder is the audience themselves. Despite everyone else in here very literally killing actual people with lives, professions, etc as they frame her case as a feminism issue and say if you vote her guilty you just hate women or are anti-abortion. In response to the framing of her situation as she can hear the audiences thoughts on her she's only gotten more depressed and closed off as tge series has progressed blatantly stating to hurry all this up so she can go home. Because it doesn't matter what she says about her situation the audience and the guard by proxy will just end up creating whatever story they want about her so it doesn't matter she's over it. Which in all honesty fucking fair- Wouldn't anyone be after getting treated like that for going on four years.

#misrepresented morally grey #round 2 #bracket a #did nothing wrong bracket #omori #omori basil #milgram #kashiki yuno #yuno kashiki #war of the mla cited propaganda

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

RANDOM DEATH NOTE HEADCANONS I WANT TO SHARE THANKS TO ME WANTING TO EXSPAND MY AU:

LIGHT:

Has survivor syndrome. What's that? Survivor syndrome, also known as survivor's guilt, is the response of a person when they believe they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not, often feeling self-guilt. This can be from being Kira or set before Kira, like an incident from his youth that he forever lingers with. This mixed with his "where's the justice" mind set only adds fuel to the fire of the war in his mind

Favorite food isn't apples as many would assume/joke about

The poor boy didn't really think of his sexual orientation until collage, didn't have the means or needs to and it wasn't only until he dated Misa and began to hang out with L he started to think on it more

In my AU Ryuk and Rem didn't give Light and Misa the Death Notes again and L, Light, Misa, etc didn't die, so this technically takes place the amnesia arc which I argue is a favorite okay?! Still doesn't mean Light gets dreams of him as Kira and isn't aware he was.

MISA:

Got really into the Gothic look after her parents' death where someone was a jerk and said a "joke" when she was still wearing black while she was still grieving

Didn't really fall in love with L right away (obviously) but she did care for him in a way that showed she cared

Loves bubble baths

Like Light she still has dreams of Rem and often find herself crying over the waking of her dreams as if someone killed her loved one in front of her

And like Light she knows after Rem confronted her she was the second Kira and feels terrible about it

Has a beautiful singing voice

After a lot her and Kiyomi kind of became friends, she honestly feels as if Kiyomi reminds her of someone she knew before (ie rem)

L:

Dude, this man was aware he liked both for a loooooonnng ass time, since Wammy actually

He knows Light and Misa were Kira, I mean he subspecies it since day one but to actually be right honestly hurt him.. He didn't want to be right in this case. So, he swore not to say a word since they're no longer Kira and 2nd Kira

Loves baths more than Misa

His family died in an domestic abuse murder suicide and he wandered out the house alone in which an officer found him and discovered his family's death, since then he's been emotionally isolated

Is autistic just doesn't get meds

Has lots of stim toys and objects he uses a lot when he thinks hard or under/overstimulated

Loves hot cocoa with marshmallows and whipped cream

Watari was basically his father after the many years they've known each other, doing the most of a father like role than others, helping the boy when needed, etc. And while L doesn't show emotions he generally is greatful and sees Watari as his father figure, even having him his best man and father-of-the-groom for his wedding

MISALIGHTL:

As mentioned with L when I said "wedding", the three didn't really want a huge public wedding since that would exposed L's identity and it would be a headache to deal with so they had a secret small ceremony with friends and some family with Watari being L's father-of-the-groom, Sayu as Light's Best Lady, and Kiyomi was Misa's maid of Honor. They each wore a mix of white and black with some red elements thrown in there for many reasons but mostly cause L said they looked good so yeah

Their wedding cake was similar to these two:

They all live in an apartment together, similar as to the building they were all stuck in, and have their own rooms/studies for work while Misa keeps working as a model and actress and both L and Light kept working as detectives until Light decided to leave being a detective after so many nightmares of cases and being Kira and decided to be a true crime/mystery novel writer

One day while they were chilling, pre-marriage them btw, L decided he's going to visit Wammy to get any plans of who his next "L" would be if he died and they came along with him. There they were able to meet Near, Mello, and Matt. The three kids hung out with them during their stay back in Japan to see who is perfect for the next role. Weeks pass and all three are doing really well and it didn't really sink in until later that L is actually doing this to see if he wants kids. Well, Misa and Light like the idea and they ended up adopting Mello as their son in which he admittedly cried

They go on date nights three times a week, one for each pair with their trio dates mostly being at home

After a few years of marriage they had two kids of their own in which Mello likes the role of older brother

NEAR:

Like L, Near is autistic (I believe that's canon and people hate it??)

Is nonbinary. I'm sorry I honestly can't see this baby as cis at all!

Owns lots of pants, shirts, skirts, dresses, tights, boots, heels, flat shoes, socks that'll work with him with any gender dysphoria and day

Primally goes by Near since that sounded right

Suffer from night terrors which is how his spark of studying happened cause that distracted them

Demi-Sexual bean!

Got adopted by Kiyomi and gets spoiled rotten

MELLO:

Choco-holic what else is new

Suffered an eating disorder which was quickly helped fixed with Matt and his new family

Mentioned above with L, Light, and Misa adopting him, he adores his family gratefully and it's not just cause L chose him out of everyone

Him and Near still have a rather strong rivalry but it's healthy now and also more so childish thanks to their adopted families

Likes his Uncle Matsuda a lot (Matsuda ends up marrying Sayu in this)

Is kind of that kid in school who knows shit and will market the crap out of soda and candies to the kids who have money and parents who won't allow sugar in his household

Often gets caught sneaking out to see Matt and sometimes (a lot) Near by his parents

Is Pan and always knew it

MATT:

Got adopted by Stephen and Teru in this AU

Still is obsessed with video games and eats candy cigarettes until he's legal to smoke if he wants to

Is straight besties with Mello and Near

Has so much gaming stuff it's unreal

Loves the rain

MATT X MELLO X NEAR:

Got together sometime after Near was adopted with Matt and Mello being a thing first and Near joined after

They're both protective of Near

And then Near would shock everyone with a thrown of a textbook to the face if someone says something bad about either of them

Misa is overly supportive of this relationship, Kiyomi loves to tease Near often, and the many times Teru and Stephen would interrupt calls with them to tease is too much

#death note #death note headcanon #death note headcanons #light yagami #misa amane #l lawliet #l x light x misa #misalightl #nate river #mihael keehl #mail jeevas #death note near #death note mello #death note matt #near x mello #mello x matt #matt x near #near x mello x matt #mention of: #sayu yagami #touta matsuda #sayu x matsuda #halle lidner #kiyomi takada #stephen gevanni #teru mikami #stephen x mikami #mikami x stephen #mikavanni

[gffa]

Saw you're posting the spoilers form this week's Batman so i'm guessing you've read it. My heart just broke reading it, i do wonder how the family is going to get out of this. Like this issue alone Bruce telling Jason he should kill him like my heart

I'm still really on the fence about what Gotham War is setting up, because I'm still so annoyed by how bad the arguments of the characters are, I'm annoyed by how it feels like cheap drama to break the Batfamily up again because they don't know how to do drama any other way, but also I can't lie, I don't find Bruce to be that out of character, because he's in a really bad place and the narrative isn't portraying him as morally correct. Everything with Jason really hurt, but Bruce can be cruel when his mental health is in the toilet (and this storyline is leaning hard on Bruce's mental illness being really, really bad right now) and I don't take it that he was serious at all, he had no intention of actually killing Jason, he was following up on Jason's argument--if it's okay that Selina's way got someone killed, if that death being an acceptable sacrifice was fine, then why wouldn't Jason's death be acceptable, to stop him from killing more people? And the thing is, Bruce doesn't believe that Roland Gardner's death was an acceptable loss, just as he doesn't believe that Jason's death would be acceptable, either. But Jason was deliberately goading him, Jason was being cruel when attacking him, and Bruce snapped at him, but I don't think for a second it was meant to be serious. It was an ugly fight between a father and a son who find themselves on the opposite sides of an argument that is dragging up a LOT of issues for them. For Bruce, I've made my case on this with the first Gotham War issue and I think it still holds true, that a lot of his biased reactions are coming from a place of feeling betrayed by his kids, the ones he took in because they were victims like him, ones who stood up and said, "I will never let this happen to anyone else." so hard that he couldn't stop them, could only have ever put a leash on them, and now suddenly they're saying, "I guess this can happen to some people." and that's a betrayal of the very foundation of why they do what they do, in his eyes. And that tracks for me with what he thinks when he's fighting the kids together:

I think this storyline has been an interesting look at Bruce, where they're touching on his class issues, but also the heart of the reason he does anything and the biases that he brings to the table and that his mental illnesses are having an absolute party in his brain right now, like he's literally hallucinating and he slumps down against the wall and thinks about how shaky his control feels, how he feels isolated from his family, like this isn't Bruce being perfectly right and correct, this is him in the middle of a bad spiral and I think that's a potentially interesting storyline. Because he's full of so much doubt--it's TWO ISSUES into this series and in BOTH OF THEM, Bruce has had a major moment of falling apart and wondering what the hell he's doing, and while the storyline is billed as "Who's the one in the right?" here, I don't think that's what it's actually shaping up to be. This is a story about a traumatized character reacting very badly to having his mental health tanking and feeling like he's losing everything, only playing out on the stage that is Gotham. (I'm less enthused about the other characters' reasons, like I'm not sure I believe Tim or Dick or Barbara or Cass would go along with Selina's way, even if crime is down, those kids are stubborn and they didn't just agree with Bruce because they were scared of him, Bruce couldn't tell those kids shit about what to do, they had their own opinions, and while I buy that they'd think he's going too far, and I agree they would try to stop him here, because they're trying to talk him down, not make an enemy of him. So, I can see everything pretty okay in this issue, I'm just not sure enough thought will be given to ALL the characters that have a part to play in this story, beyond just Bruce.)

#lumi.txt #dc #batfam #bruce wayne #gotham war #batman 2016 #tuesday spoilers

[toxicsludgeyaoi]

Toxic Sludge Yaoi Tournament: Sunflower (Omori) Vs Dottoscara (Genshin Impact)

(Vote for whichever you like more.)

Propaganda under cut. Note: spoilers for these medias may be below.

Sunflower propaganda

"They wouldn't be so toxic if basil didn't have huge separation anxiety and attachment issues, if Sunny didn't accidentally kill his sister and basil, from the fear of losing Sunny as well, didn't help him cover up the manslaughter and stage it as a "/e kill @s" situation in order for them to stay together, and if sunny didn't ultimately decide to isolate himself for four years shortly afterwards, only enhancing both of their extreme trauma, causing them PTSD and schizophrenia.

I believe there is a CHANCE for them to somehow redeem their relationship, but it's most definitely not gonna be easy and they're still toxicity to be acknowledged."

(Mod note: by "schizophrenia", they mean "psychosis". Schizophrenia is not only hallucinations and delusions. #themoreyouknow)

"Basil and Sunny are two traumatized kids in an extremely codependent relationship. Neither are in the wrong, per say, and there's definitely good qualities about their relationship, but also it just inevitably spirals into toxicity and becomes a bad, violent relationship. Even if Mari hadn't died, they would have reached a breaking point- albeit, much slower. They love each other so much, but their presence alone hurts each other, too. Please get them therapy."

Dottoscara propaganda

"They’re narrative foils"

"Dottoscara is a man who has been excluded from the rest of humanity, and a puppet who has turned his back on humanity, finding comfort and kinship in one another and in turn, making each other less and less human. They don't love each other, but there's something just as powerful that connects them. They manipulate each other, they fight, they kiss, they hate each other and they need each other and will always be connected in some way, even if they forget each other. They both chose to cling to each other, until they finally separated, changed forever and yet still attached."

#tournament #toxic yaoi #proship safe #proship tournament #proship #anti anti #polls #toxicsludgeyaoitournament #dottoscara #dottore #il dottore #scaramouche #balladeer #wanderer #scarattore #genshin impact #omori #sunflower #sunny x basil #sunny #basil #omori sunny #omori basil

[scarapanna]

(Shadow Vanilla AU, pt. 3)

now we get into the actual story! (i think i forgot to turn on anon for the past ask.. HELP ME. if you SAW MY USERNAME, NO YOU DIDN'T. /silly)

CW for a brief mention of su!c!dal ideation (nothing graphic though)

-----

It begins with the failure of the Beast Yeast expedition.

It has all gone horribly wrong.

The Faerie Kingdom has fallen. What once was left of the real White Lily is truly no more. The small, innocent piece of her, what remained, the small sliver of hope, is gone. The Light of Freedom has gone silent.

The expedition team is badly battered and exhausted. They didn't even make it to where the "failed Ancients" are sealed away. They barely made it out alive.

The expedition team returns to Crispia to lick their wounds and regroup. Hopefully, the collective might of the remaining kingdoms and Ancients will be enough to take down Dark Enchantress Cookie and her forces. It has to be enough. There are no more options.

Pure Vanilla is in the worst shape of them all. The recent trauma of losing White Lily all over again is almost more than he can bear. The memories are raw and exposed, and they hurt. They make him weak.

To make it even worse, even though they never found the "failed Ancients", Shadow Milk could sense the presence of the Soul Jam on Beast Yeast anyways. He knew they were there all along. The squid that crashed the airship wasn't a coincidental mistake.

Shadow Milk speaks to Pure Vanilla in his mind, telling him horrible things-- telling him to do horrible things. Even if he no longer has his true power, a physical body off the island, he can extend his influence and speak to Pure Vanilla through the vessel of the Soul Jam. Pure Vanilla pushes him away, calling him "horrible", condemning him and telling Shadow Milk never to speak to him again. Shadow Milk won't let him go just yet, though. He needs a puppet to execute his plans, and what better puppet than the vestige of a king, the very one who received the power that was supposed to be HIS? ALL HIS?

Under the weight of these two things, the "true death" of White Lily and the voices of Shadow Milk constantly echoing in his head, both Pure Vanilla's willpower and his will to live crumbles (pun intended). His mental fortitude wasn't generally that good before, but now it's... bad. Really, really bad.

So consequently, Pure Vanilla's mental and physical health go into sharp decline. He starts mumbling in his sleep, bags form under his eyes, barely eating, losing weight. He's in very bad shape. But he can't tell anyone what's wrong. He has to be perfect. He has to be perfect. How can he be anything but, when so many people look up to and are depending on him right now?

So he bottles his problems up and keeps his feelings to himself, showing no weakness, just like a "good" leader should. All for the betterment of the future. Better push aside these feelings now, so everyone can benefit later.

Pure Vanilla's friends suspect something is wrong, especially those who went on the expedition with him, but they all think the cause of it is the "true death" of White Lily. Nobody wants to bring it up with him, for fear of hurting or losing him.

The only person who has an inkling of what he's going through is Hollyberry. She has been to Beast-Yeast before; the Soul Jam's previous owner spoke to her. She had to resist, but it was nowhere near as traumatic as Pure Vanilla's experience. She tries her best to help him get through it, or at least help him resist, but Pure Vanilla pushes her away.

He pushes all of them away. He doesn't want his friends really seeing the hurt he's been through. He doesn't want to talk. Shadow Milk sees this all. Through the link of the Soul Jam, he's able to maintain a psychic connection. He weaves seeds of doubt through Pure Vanilla's mind, causing him to isolate himself even further. Manipulating him.

"Well.. maybe they would understand. They're my friends. They need me to be honest with them, and I think they'd appreciate it." "But are they.. really? They wouldn't understand. Weakness is a liability here. You're.. expendable. If you show your weakness... you'll have no friends anymore. I'm the only one you have left... the only one you can truly be honest with." Now that Pure Vanilla is alone, completely cut off from his friends, Shadow Milk uses the opportunity to become a sympathetic ear.

And the isolation just makes Pure Vanilla even more vulnerable. He's blinded by an endless loop of grief and hurt. And because of this, he confides in Shadow Milk, because he thinks it's the only option. "I shouldn't be talking to you. The things you've done.. the things you've said to me..." "Pure Vanilla, I was.. forced to do those things. I was dealt a hand I couldn't help, just like you. I'm.. deeply sorry. I've made mistakes. I'm not a bad Cookie.. Is that what you really believe? Or is that just what they want you to believe? I'm here for you. Really. I'm not the enemy here."

"I.. well.. oh, crumbs. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have judged you so harshly. I can see now that.. you're a bit like me. I apologize..."

"I accept your apology. I can help you, you know.. if you just let me in... tell me what's troubling you..." Eventually, Shadow Milk gets to a point where Pure Vanilla is so trusting of him, that if he wants, he could take over PV's body. And Shadow Milk knows it.

Now, Shadow Milk's voice becomes less of a comforting echo in the back of Pure Vanilla's mind, a shoulder to cry on, and becomes.. controlling. Bullying. Jockeying for a place in Pure Vanilla's mind, trying to take over completely.

And by the time Pure Vanilla's realized that he's been taken advantage of, that he was blinded by grief and anger, it's too late. The most he can do is fight back as much as possible, try to maintain some semblance of control over his own body. Shadow Vanilla.

One cookie’s mind, another's body. Pure Vanilla is drowning in his own head, and nobody is there to witness it. He contemplates taking his own life, just to break Shadow Milk's control. If there's no messenger, there cannot be no message.

But it's too late. It's too late. It's.. too late.

It’s only a matter of time before PV loses at Shadow Milk’s mind games... or dies.

Whichever comes first.

"After I'm finished with this pathetic little body, I might just give it an encore by throwing it off the edge of the Kingdom you once held so dear! Some will mourn your loss, but nobody will have a clue what really went on. They'll think you just... gave up. You'll be remembered not as a Hero, but a coward."

"You- you can't... I- I WON'T LET YOU! I'LL-"

"You'll... ha! You'll what? Maybe you forgot; i'll say it again. You're not in control here anymore.." -----

Shadow Vanilla's design doesn't vary much from canon. He looks about normal, but he's hiding a lean, almost gaunt frame underneath his robes. He also has bags under his eyes, slightly more tousled hair, and a Soul Jam that appears less saturated: more grey than vibrant blue. If you look at it just right, you can almost see.. a slit pupil in the middle of it.. but that isn't possible. It must just be a trick of the light. As for his personality, he's not like himself at all. He becomes quite paranoid. He seems disjointed, extremely unhappy all the time, and easily irritable. Almost as if he's just... a shadow of the Cookie he once was...

----- Thank you for taking the time to read this! I'm sorry it's long,, AAAA.. but I love you so much for doing this! Thanks a lot! /gen /p

Ooooh that's some really intriguing stuff you got there anon!!

I wasn't expecting the idea of SM using manipulative tactics to get a hold of pv, really interesting idea tho!

#askbox stuff #tw sui ideation #tw manipulation #SV au anon

[magnetothemagnificent]

If you're still okay talking about adoption stuff?

I had a hysterectomy to save my life. Every doctor I spoke to asked if I was going to keep my ovaries and reassured me that even if infertility treatment didn't work out "at least I'd be able to adopt".

It wasn't until after my surgery that I found out how horrible both the adoption and the infertility industry can be even if you do everything "right". I've already seen firsthand how awful the foster system is as well, so it really showed me that there's a lack of proper regulation no matter where the children are coming from or being placed. I already firmly believed that children are one of the most oppressed classes in our society, so this was heartbreaking even without considering my own infertility.

I wish more infertile people would take these issues as something they should be fighting for as well, rather than brushing it under the rug and hoping it just magically works out for them which happens often enough that I want to pull my hair out. But I also wish I didn't have to walk through these circles on eggshells because of how disparaging victims of these industries can be towards infertile people that want children that haven't said or done anything besides be infertile in their vicinity.

I don't mean when people talk about how infertile couples aren't owed kids or that birth parents deserve support to either abort or keep their child, even if that means infertile couples can't adopt. Those are very important conversations that need more light. But some people say truly horrible things - sometimes to infertile people's faces, including those advocating for them - such as that they should accept that they don't deserve to have kids because if they did they'd be able to have them naturally/that they're not allowed to mourn their infertility and if they do they don't care about adoptees/that having kids isn't the only way to have close relationships or a family so them being upset must mean they just wanted to take advantage of their kids so it's good they can't have any/that even being upset about it at all or needing a support group means they haven't "done the work".

Obviously, not everyone is like this and I've seen plenty of advocates call the behaviour out and even more welcome us happily, but it still makes trying to get involved nerve-wracking and makes me feel like I have to hide my infertility or risk being the punching bag for someone's trauma which... I would just like to point out is also traumatic. Infertility can be traumatizing too. It's not the same and I'm not trying to say it is, but acting like all infertile people are entitled rather than grieving doesn't help anybody. It's just the age-old issue of two traumatized groups taking their hurt out on each other and I don't see enough people acknowledging that's what's happening, y'know?

Not to mention that even people that do acknowledge that adoption needs to be reformed quickly still often act (usually without knowing the truth) like infertility treatment is an option with fewer ethical concerns when they both really, truly suck in the vast majority of cases. The utter lack of regulations for fertility treatments haunts me.

All important discussions to be had!

The infertility industry is also horrendously predatory, and there actually are a lot of intersections between the infertility industry and the adoption industry such as:

-Adopted children and donor-conceived children not having access to their medical and familial history, often running the risk of accidentally dating a sibling or being a carrier for a condition they have no idea about.

-Vulnerable people being targeted for their reproductive potential: birthing parents being targeted for their children, and people with ovaries being targeted for their eggs.

-Adopted children and donor-conceived children often facing social isolation and stigma from their peers and family.

-Little to no regulation in both industries, leading to mountains of abuse and malpractice.

I've seen incredible examples of solidarity between donor-conceived children and adoptees, and it's something that really needs to continue.

Both industries prey on childless couples by treating children like products, and cause serious harm to the children involved.

I wish I knew a perfect solution.

Until then, in order to reduce as much harm as possible, we need to:

-Get rid of the societal expectation that in order to be considered a family, a couple must have children of their own.

-Normalize non-Nuclear families. You can still have children in your life without being a legal parent- aunts/uncles, cousins, friends, etc. should all be cherished as being integral parts of a child's life. You shouldn't have to be a parent to love a child.

-Stop treating infertile people like they're failed people, and provide counseling and support for those who are infertile, and allow a space for infertile people to voice all their feelings without shame.

-Family reunification should be the top priority when it comes to foster care. While of course this is not always possible, even when the parents are out of the picture, too often, children are whisked away to foster care when their grandparent, aunt, uncle, sibling, or family friend would be more than suitable and even willing to provide care for them.

-In the cases where adoption or donor conception has already occured, full-transparency must be provided for the child. This means access to their medical records and their familial records at any time.

-And lastly, center adoptees and donor-conceived children in the conversation. I am not an adoptee nor a donor-conceived child (although there are people close to me who are), and I only speak for what's already been said much better by actual adoptees and donor-conceived children.

#adoption #adoption industry #adoption reform #infertility #infertility industry

[vaguewrites]

Tell me more about that anti hero squad

I'm so glad you asked

So they're part of a comic I'm working on where the basic premise is a group of villains are introduced to a rehabilitation program to help them process their traumas and get the help they need, both to help them on their path to redemption and to boost up the number of heroes in the world because there's very few now. I'm still working on the details and worldbuilding, but that's the basic premise. It's a character study about heavily traumatized people finding community and love within each other, building a found family and helping to save a world they once saw as hopeless and shitty. It also takes place over the course of several years, I'm thinking 5, so their ages listed are what they start as.

The starting main characters are;

Raze (Kaito Shimoda):

Raze is 21, Japanese, and is the leader of the group, mainly because he recognises everyone's strengths and weaknesses and gets them to work together as a team. He was the son of a yakuza gang member who had the "brilliant" idea of trying to overthrow the boss so he could get power for himself. Only his plan was discovered and both he and his family were made an example of. Raze only survived because earlier that evening he had a massive fight with his parents over the fact that they didn't like the crowd he was hanging out with or that his test scores were extremely poor, so he snuck out and didn't come back until early the next morning. When he saw police cars and ambulances outside their house. And then he saw what the yakuza had done to his little kid sister Haruhi, who he'd shoved aside when she tried to comfort him after the fight and told her to get lost.

It's her little phone charms that he keeps tied around the handle of his sword so he can never forget her or the state the yakuza left her in, because he wants to do worse to them. He was 15 at the time of the murders and spent the next few years honing his skills as a martial artist and swordsman (both skills he was already developing beforehand he just didn't take them as seriously at the time) so he could hunt down each and every last member who hurt his family.

He's primarily motivated by shame, guilt and self loathing, he wants to make up for the fact that he wasn't there to protect his family, that his last words to them were "I hate you" and that he'd told his little sister that he didn't care about her, for her to get lost and stop bothering him. His character arc revolves around learning to let go of the guilt and to allow himself to heal and move on. He's been punishing himself for years by isolating himself and wallowing in self pity and thats not healthy.

Mama Croc (Bella Roth):

I'm still working on her design.

She's the black 37 year old former wrestling champion from New Orleans, who fell dangerously ill to a strange disease no one could identify or find a cure for. She spent all her money on doctors and when she became too sick to fight anymore, her company dropped her. So she was forced to seek experimental treatment which led to her horrific mutations as the crocodile woman.

She's the rock keeping everyone else together, able to keep a cool, calm head even in the midst of chaos. She's used to being regarded as a dumb bulk of muscle, but she's actually got a razor sharp wit. After she had to give up her own daughter to foster care when she became too sick to properly take care of her, she develops a mother/daughter bond with Plague Witch and shows her compassion, empathy and love. She and Raze also used to work together from time to time and he was the first criminal who didn't treat her like dumb muscle so she's fond of him too and she uses pet names for everyone. If she calls you doll, babe or gorgeous, you know you're in her good graces. Her character arc focuses on her learning to love herself again and reuniting with her long lost daughter, and even finding true love in the one place she never expected it.

Mainly the one superhero who never gave up on her and who always believed she was incredible and deserved better than to just be some cowardly villain's bodyguard.

The Fool (Frank Grey)

The Fool is of Romani/Irish heritage but was born in America and he's 19. His family owned their own circus but when they refused to pay protection money to a mob boss, their circus was burned to the ground and The Fool was the only survivor of the massacre. He was thrown into foster care and bounced around between families where he suffered terrible abuse. I won't go into detail here but it was bad and left him with a distorted view on love and relationships, to the point where when he ended up in an incredibly abusive relationship with a girl who exploited his trauma to keep him in line, who physically and mentally abused him and made him dependant on her, even if it meant sticking with the clown gimmick he hated because of the memories it dragged up (and she insisted they keep it because it was "cute".) His character arc focuses on him breaking the bonds of abuse, learning what genuine love, compassion and empathy is like and with the support of his friends he's finally able to break up with his toxic girlfriend and start on the path to recovery. He even ditches the clown gimmicks over time but keeps the Fool because his girlfriend used it as a dig to mock him but he's reclaimed it and made a mockery of her instead. He primarily uses explosives and a hammer when he fights.

He and Raze have similar backstories but whereas Raze was more seeking to atone for not being there to save his family, the Fool is angry and wants to make the mob boss bleed for what he did. They're both revenge stories but different sides to it, if that makes sense, and because of their shared trauma they grow closer and help each other cope with the nightmares and the triggers, and over time they fall in love but its a slow, slow burn. Because the Fool has trauma from men and they have to love each other as friends first before they can fall in love with each other.

Plague Witch (Eva Kirkland):

Plague Witch is the 16 year old Native American with an alien parasite living inside her that attached itself to her when she was only a little girl. After her shape-shifting powers were discovered she was abducted from her home and experimented on for years to the point she suffers with amnesia and can't remember a time where she wasn't stuck in a cell and tortured every day.

She's the most powerful member of the group with her shape-shifting powers allowing her to morph her arms into swords or massive, deadly claws. The biggest drawback though is that she's still only 16 and her powers require concentration to manifest, and when she loses that concentration the form breaks down, or when she becomes moody or loses control of her temper, her form fluctuates and loses its efficiency. So that's why she's kept with Mama Croc, who teaches her patience and how to keep a cool head even in tense situations. She also develops a brother/sister bond with Raze because she reminds him of his sister Haruhi.

Her character arc is about her finding a family again and developing from a social outcast with severe anger issues and anxiety, to a level headed and outgoing young lady who winds up becoming the next leader after Raze decides to pass the mantle onto her.

This was very long I'm very sorry but I'm so glad you asked because I love talking about these guys :)

#oc #original character #oc raze #oc mama croc #oc the fool #oc plague witch #im rambling honestly

[driftwithme]

There's a good chance Chuck took Raleigh leaving the jaeger program as something personal??? And he carries that wound with him even when he knows it's childish to hold a grudge with his teenage hero for leaving the program behind after what happened???

Raleigh clocks childish behavior like no one else which leads to a situation when he asks Chuck if he (Chuck) hates him for stop being a ranger. And Chuck knows Raleigh is onto him, he knows Raleigh's beautifully annoying mind has analyzed the Hansens relationship and now he's reaching his conclussions, so Chuck gets defensive (as he does best) and angry (becuase he's in danger) and somehow walks away having answered Raleigh's stupid question with his fury.

It makes no sense he feels like that. Raleigh didn't know him, he had no relationship with him, didn't even know Chuck existed. Okay, maybe he knew him as a fellow ranger but that was it!!!! After Operation Pitfall Chuck is beginning to understand why Raleigh took the mature decision by walking away and he hates it. Part of him still hates Raleigh for leaving like a coward and part of him cannot see him but as the bravest yet dumbest most handsome infuriating man to ever be alive. He'd die before admitting he thinks Raleigh will go down in history as the best jaeger pilot and that he deserves it.

Chuck wishes he could disappear for a while to process it all and hates himself because he promised himself he'd never be one of those who run away when times get tough but holy shit.

Raleigh starts by hunting him and ends up haunting him. First the ranger would try to corner Chuck when he's alone so they can talk and when it is evident Chuck would not lose on that chase, Raleigh leaves him alone. He's still there in the periphery. Chuck sees him every day. Raleigh smalls at him for a second and then it's gone, like he's smoke and not flesh. People on the Shatterdome stops talking about Raleigh with Chuck or when Chuck's around and he's going insane. Of course they don't do it in purpose, they think that's the right thing to do 'cause he gets upset whenever they mention Raleigh.

Chuck misses the friendship that bloomed between them after pitfall. He hates the fact he can ask Mako for more time now that she is his co-pilot, because that means Mako has to choose between spending time with him or Raleigh and fuck. Herc tries and tries to figure out what has Chuck so drained and he finally gets his answer on a meeting where Raleigh puts a hand on Chuck's shoulder and Chuck flinches so hard he leaves the meeting knowing everyone saw it.

Mako goes after him and Herc sits Raleigh down to explain what just happened and that is when it all clicks to him. Raleigh says he tried to reach Chuck at first and upon seeing how he stressed Chuck by that, kept some space. Of course, no one thought about how Raleigh is just as traumatized post pitfall as Chuck because Raleigh makes it look like he's fine on the outside, okay? Later Mako would explain to Herc that she's been dragging her co-pilot around to interact with people since he's been isolating himself without realizing what he's doing. When they ask Raleigh what was their last conversation and he tells them, Mako goes impossibly sad in a second and goes oh Chuck.

Herc is angry but he knows Raleigh didn't mean to hurt Chuck and that both of them are victims of their trauma right now. Still, they ask Raleigh to leave the room but don't go to Chuck yet. Once alone, Herc says out loud what they're both thinking.

Chuck thinks he pushed Raleigh away and he is ready to abandon him again.

Herc is like of course they have been friends for a while and Chuck has always admired Raleigh and he saw him as a role model and he has that silly crush from when he was a teenager... until he sees the pain on Mako's face and he stops. Apparently everyone else was too busy with the world ending and then not to really pay attention to Chuck but he's not just upset because of that. Chuck likes to forget sometimes they grew up together and where each other teenage best friends for years. It makes him feel vulnerable, weak. It makes him feel seen. And yet, Mako Mori is the only person who appears to has noticed Chuck's little crush evolving into full swing romantic feelings for Raleigh.

Chuck longs for his respect and acceptance. That's the core of why he acted as a petulant child when Raleigh arrived. He wants Raleigh to see him, to acknowledge him. Wants his praise and attention, has wanted his touch since he allowed himself some teenage lust fantasies. But now? He craves his presence, his friendship and laughs and ridiculous jokes and stories. Chuck is terrified because he felt like Raleigh saw right through him, didn't like what he found and wanted an explanation, and when Chuck didn't give one, he walked away.

It makes Chuck feel small. A child again. He's feeling helpless as loves makes you feel, but the paranoia is making it all twisted.

Chuck kept his silence not knowing that he was playing a game Raleigh never planned. Becket has been sincerely spacing out and avoiding everyone by accident, the leftover of the traumatic response he had when his brother died. It's not dangerous, but Chuck doesn't know what is truly happening.

He thinks Raleigh is playing with his mind.

He feels used and rejected, a fool.

At that point both Mako and Herc are so sad and angry. Chuck and Raleigh have suffered enough. They know how it is for veterans, it's not like Herc and Mako are an exception to the rule. They're battling their own ghost and working on their mental health, hence why they didn't notice before how bad was the situation between Raleigh and Chuck.

It feels horrendous to tell the truth to Raleigh once they ask him to come inside again. His face goes pale and his eyes shine with rage and Herc thinks he could never be angry with him for too long. He is probably the best man Chuck could had fallen in love with. He also thinks there's a chance in there, if Raleigh's determination speaks of some feeling he hasn't admit. Mako and Raleigh hold firm mental shields that they wouldn't cross even if they had the chance. If she knows what Raleigh truly feels, she'll never tell. It's the same for Herc and Chuck. The best duos with drift compatibility are those who know when to stop and how to respect boundaries.

The whole conversation lasts a few hours that are full of agony to Chuck as he waits in his room as Mako asked him to do when she went after him earlier that day. Oh, he knows Raleigh got him figured out by now. Even if he missed it (there's no chance but okay), there's no way Mako or Herc would. It's over.

He doesn't know what he wishes to happen next. If Raleigh leaves because of him, he'd never be able to look Mako to the face again. He would rather leave himself. As much as he hates the idea of leaving, he'd do it. If there's something he learned from Raleigh on those last few months is that sometimes leaving is the bravest choice.

But what if Raleigh wants to talk to him.

No. No way. If Raleigh Becket tries to let him down gently, it'd finally kill him. To be treated like an infant. But Raleigh wouldn't right? It's not like Chuck deserves to be treated like an adult after all he did. No, if Raleigh so much as try that, he'd beat the shit out of him. It's wrong, immature, but Chuck doesn't care. He can't take it. Raleigh disappointment. Worst, his pity.

When Raleigh finally appears, Chuck doesn't expect him to pound the door fiercely and looking like he's ready for a fight, just to take Chuck by the collar (once Chuck has already told him in rather colorful terms to get out of there) and ask him why the fuck does Chuck think Raleigh would run away.

Mako is one step behind and Chuck is about to tell them both something he knows would regret, but Raleigh pushes him inside at once and closes the door. Chuck doesn't know what's going on but he can faintly hear Mako walking away (or around?) the hall (she's making sure no one interrupts them until the conversation is over) and stares at Raleigh.

What follows is almost?? a screming match where they are way too sincere and way too angry and it makes Chuck shake under the full force of Raleigh's unwavering attention. The way Raleigh is looking at him is new and it scares him to no end. He thinks he's again admitting more with his behavior than with his words and Raleigh is so careful to guide the situation. He's still processing what the hell is going on when Raleigh starts to leave him to sleep with the threat (there's not way that was a promise with how Raleigh said it) of waiting on the kwoon for him tommorow.

It takes a few seconds for him to realize that Raleigh is looking at him like that again cause Chuck took his arm and asked him to stay.

To his surprises, Raleigh huffs a laugh and tells him to wait for him. He needs to talk to Mako and change his clothes and pick some food for them. Chuck lets him go and sits on his bed and really, facing kaijus is easier than whatever they're doing.

When Raleigh comes back to Chuck's room, he doesn't mention he now knows Chuck has feeling for him. He doesn't mention he knows Chuck was about to cry so he left for a while. He doesn't mention he was hurt too, because he thought Chuck was ready to move on and it meant Raleigh time in his life was over, so he waited for whatever Chuck was willing to give him. Instead, he puts some movie and brings their dinner to the room and sits on the floor as a confused Chucks eyes him suspiciously from the bed. Later, when the movie is almost over, he tests the waters by resting his cheek on Chuck's knee. He asks Chuck if he wants to watch other movie. He lets Chuck insult him and they argue a bit more and when the other movie is on, when Raleigh is battling to stay awake, he accepts Chuck offer to sleep on the top of the bunk bed. He has no partner in that room anyway.

Day by day, Raleigh doesn't admit how much he missed the brat. He shows him the moves he created to kick Chuck's ass on the kwoon, he appears with more movies commenting how he wanted Chuck's opinions on them, he walks Max with him, shares notes with him, eats next to him, sides with him often against Mako and Herc on boardgames nights.

Only once Chuck told Raleigh he knew what he was doing. Only once Raleigh asked him if it was easier to live thinking Raleigh would abandon him anytime than accept he was not going anywhere. The words, combined with Raleigh's stupid smile were what drove Chuck to kiss him for the first time.

The rest? Mako and Herc promising a painful death to anyone and everyone that would listen on the Shatterdome if they so much as made Chuck or Raleigh feel a bit inadequate. It's not that they couldn't take it, it's that they didn't deserve to feel so.

Happy ever after, I guess!

#pacrim #pacific rim #pacific rim 2013 #pacrim 2013 #raleigh becket #chuck hansen #chaleigh #mako mori #herc hansen

[comshipbracket]

Antis DNI

Remember, you are voting for the ship you prefer, not the ship you find more problematic

Propaganda for both ships under the cut.

Velphi Propaganda (Pseudo-Incest - Laphicet is the reincarnation of Velvet's unborn nephew, Age Gap - Laphicet is 10 while Velvet is 19, MinorxAdult, Possible Abusive Dynamic - Velvet initially not quite treating him as a person, and then proceeding to treat him as a replacement for her dead brother. She also pulls Laphicet's hair when angry and doesn't apologise for it)

"Their character arcs are inseparably intertwined. The two of them push each other to be People (Laphicet gaining individuality after spending most of his life a partially brainwashed Literal Slave, and Velvet remembering that Positive Emotions Exist after being traumatized and then immediately spending 3 years in solitary confinement).. At first their dynamic is genuinely terrible (at least for Laphicet); Velvet starts out barely seeing him as a person, and when she does start to see him as a person, the person she's seeing is her dead brother. But as the two of them grow, Laphicet gets more assertive and Velvet starts to see him as himself."

"Anyways, have a transcription of one of their best scenes: `No, I don't 'understand'! You snap at people! You're scary! You--You tried to eat me! But… you're also kind… and you're filled with life! I don't understand a single thing about you! But you gave me a name, when I was a number! You gave me that compass! You taught me what it meant to be alive! That's why I care about you, Velvet! I'll protect you for my own sake! I don't care if you're malevolent! Or if it was pointless! If the world says it's a mistake to love you, I'll fight the whole world! I don't care HOW much pain you feel! It doesn't matter! A world without you, Velvet… is the one thing I couldn't bear!`"

"Additionally! The big scene the night before you head into the final dungeon is Laphicet combing Velvet's hair while they talk about the future, and for a bit they pretend everything's going to work out fine and plan out a life together. (video!!! https://youtu.be/golhLiuq78g?feature=shared&t=3273 )"

"Their last scene together is Laphicet telling Velvet he loves her, and Velvet agreeing and making him promise her that he'll live out the rest of his life to the fullest."

"LESS SERIOUSLY

Velvet uses a really gentle tone of voice when she talks to Laphicet that she never uses for anyone else.

Laphicet gets teased by another party member about being motivated by caring about Velvet and he just blushes and agrees

The hot springs sidequest ends up being a bodyswap plot, and the two of them ended up briefly swapping bodies (while naked). Afterwards, Velvet teasingly asks him if he peeked.and he truthfully says he covered his eyes the whole time, to which velvet just goes :I didn't :)" -- Velvet also invited Laphicet to bathe with her at a different point in the game, but he was too flustered and refused

In Rays (a crossover game), the two of them try to live together in peace before the plot ruins it" -- After the end of the initial story of Rays they do manage to live together peacefully, and the game won't stop reminding us of it in event stories"

MakoYuma Propaganda (Selfcest, Cannibalisation, Questionable Dynamic)

"Makoto and Yuma are the same coin, just different sides. Different paths. Makoto continued isolating himself, Yuma opened up and let himself risk being hurt in order to make connections with people. Makoto turned his back on the truth, Yuma fought to expose it. Also, Makoto is simply Yuma's flesh-eating homunculus clone. So they're literally the same person, genetically."

#comshipbracket #antis dni #antis do not interact #comship #comship safe #proship safe #comship bracket #comshipbracket 2 #comship bracket 2 #comshipbracket2 #comshipbracket 2 round 1 #comship bracket 2 round 1 #comshipbracket2 round 1 #Velphi #Velvet Crowe #Laphicet #Tales of Berseria #MakoYuma #Makoto Kagutsuchi #Yuma Kokohead #Master Detective Archives #Master Detective Archives Raincode