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littlequackerman · 10 months

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Diluc Ragnvindr x Reader- Replaced (hurt/comfort??)

You quickly found your abilities became obsolete when Lumine arrived in Mondstadt. Feeling hopeless, you run away, only to be caught by a certain red haired wine tycoon.

(A/n: Ohhhhh my god i actually finished this thing. i started it while i was having a breakdown and finished it yesterday. im actually rlly proud of it lol)

I tried to keep this one as gn as possible and i think i did good. reader has a vision and is in the Knights, id say theyre around as high in the ranks as amber if that makes sense lol.

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You had worked hard for years to rise to your position in the Knights of Favonius. Although you weren't as high up in the ranks as people like Kaeya or Jean, you pulled your weight and always got the job done. You wielded your weapon with confidence and always did your best to help protect the people of Mondstadt. This had taken you some time, but your efforts had clearly paid off. You were a highly respected and valued member of the Knights of Favonius.

So how come Lumine had barely been in Mondstadt for two weeks and had already risen to your level in the ranks?

No, she wasn't just at your level of hard earned respect- she had surpassed it. Everyone was talking about her. She just showed up in Mondstadt and became a knight (even though it was honorary), a process that everyone else had to work at for years before successfully completing and earning their titles.

You watched as your fellow knights and citizens of the City of Freedom grew to quickly adore her and completely forget about all of the effort you had put in.

You weren't an idiot. You had never been on her level. You weren't all powerful, and you weren't a perfect fighter. You certainly had no reason to be famous. But Lumine was the only person anyone in the Knights was talking about, praising her for deeds like defeating abyss mages and wiping out hilichurl camps, all things you had done many times in the past and hadn't received as much praise as her for accomplishing.

Then, she truly began to replace you. Jean gave tasks normally assigned to you to her, telling you to go home early for the day or go help out with busywork. Usually on the rare occasion you had nothing to do for the day, you would accompany Kaeya on missions, but of course he was busy with her as well.

And soon, so was Diluc.

You and Diluc had been friends for several years at that point. Although he was normally serious and straightforward, this part of him would crack a little around you. In the last year or two, however, you had found yourself falling for the man.

How could you not? He was dedicated to protecting Mondstadt. He was disciplined and successful, despite all of the hardship he had endured in his late teens with his father and brother. He was caring. And not to mention absolutely gorgeous. But you had always thought he was a bit out of your league, and that he deserved someone on his level.

Like Lumine.

You saw how close they had gotten, how his identity as the Darknight Hero was revealed to her so quickly, while it had taken years for him to tell you about that part of him- and he had only told you about it because you had caught him putting on his mask as he left the tavern one night. You thought you had come to accept that there was no way he'd love you back, but seeing them get so close stirred feelings within you you thought you had gotten rid of.

For a while, you did nothing, trying to be happy for the girl working so hard to protect the city. As every day passed of going into work and being promptly told you weren't needed, you began to feel worse and worse, growing more and more hopeless with every mention of her name.

All of your insecurities came to a climax during the final fight against Stormterror. When you realized something was going on, you rushed to the Knights of Favonius's headquarters for a briefing. When you asked Jean how you could help, clutching your weapon, declaring you could and would help fight Dvalin, she said you could just stay in Mondstadt and help make sure nothing happened to the citizens.

This was the final straw. A part of you felt selfish, knowing how important it was that the city was protected by capable fighters, but part of you was hurt. Normally you would have gone along to fight a massive threat, but this time you were simply left to hold down the fort.

And when it was all over, when Stormterror was defeated and the city was safe, Lumine was hailed as a hero. You weren't surprised at that point, she had done everything recently, of course she would defeat one of the Four Winds.

You had enough. The night after the battle, as the city was filled with a mixture of celebration and festivity at the quelled threat, and solemn rebuilding of broken homes and businesses, you took the opportunity to leave unnoticed. You wrote a note saying you were quitting the knights and not coming back into the city for a while and left it on Jean's desk. You packed up some of your belongings into a bag- just some clothes, rations, and first aid supplies- and left the city.

You spent a while wandering the continent, venturing into Liyue, seeing pieces of nature you hadn't expected to see so soon in your life and fighting enemies tougher than ones you had fought before. After a while, you decided to wander closer to Mondstadt for a little bit, never going close to the city itself and avoiding the knights whenever you heard they would be near. You continued to fulfill your oath of protecting people, defeating enemy after enemy that threatened innocents. You fought regisvines, mercenaries and treasure hoarders, and even a hypostasis and emerged victorious from each fight, albeit with some relatively minor injuries. Perhaps some sad part of you still wanted to prove yourself. You grew exponentially during this time, and you didn't even know how long you had been gone- was it one month? Two? It didn't matter. It seemed doubtful that anyone had even noticed you were gone.

You were wandering through the woods a little ways away from Springvale one night when you heard two children crying out for help. Running to the source of the sound, you discovered two children being targeted by two abyss mages and some hilichurls. You saw one of the abyss mages charging a blast of fire to shoot at the kids, and without thinking, you placed yourself in front of the children, taking most of the blast. You charged at the monsters, quickly taking out the hilichurls with a few hits and moving on to the mages. As you told the children to run back into Springvale, a figure appeared behind you. A male voice that sounded fairly familiar called out to you.

"Those are abyss mages! They're much more dangerous than hilichurls! You stay with the kids!"

You didn't even turn to face the figure as you responded.

"I know what they are, I've beat way worse! I'll handle this! I'm more than capable of beating a few abyss mages!" You shouted, grunting as you defeated the first mage. A few minutes later you slayed the other one as well. You turned and rushed over to the kids, checking them for any injuries. When you looked up at the mysterious figure, you were horrified to realize you knew who it was.

It was the Darknight Hero, also known as Diluc Ragnvindr.

"Y/N! Where have you been, everyone's been worried about you! Didn't you realize disappearing like that would have everyone worried sick?!"

You felt a pang of guilt at his words. Maybe people really did miss you… but if they truly cared, they wouldn't have replaced you. They wouldn't have thrown you away, you thought.

"Listen, Dilu- I mean, Darknight Hero. I wasn't needed anymore, so I left. It doesn't matter. And anyways, that's not our priority right now. We should make sure these kids get back into Springvale safely."

He grunted. "Alright. I'll go with you into Springvale, but once we drop off these two we need to have a serious discussion about some things."

You and Diluc walked the kids back into Springvale, telling their parents about what had happened and making sure they got into their homes safely. As you two walked out of the town, it almost felt like the air itself was suffocating you. You considered just running away, but that probably wouldn't help much. He could catch up with you.

What did he think about you now? He probably hated you for running away. He had probably completely replaced you with Lumine by now. They were probably dating.

After what felt like an eternity of walking through the woods, you and Diluc made it to the Windrise tree. As you gazed up at the tree, Diluc broke the silence.

"So where have you been all this time?"

"I walked to Liyue. I travelled through there for a while but wanted to stop near home for a little bit. I plan on seeing the rest of Liyue, going through the Chasm, and then going to Sumeru later this month."

"Why exactly did you have to leave so suddenly? You never told me you were planning to visit Liyue. I would've said goodbye to you before you left."

As he said that, he turned his gaze towards the sky. He looked… regretful?

"I wasn't planning on it."

"So you just randomly decided to travel to another nation one night?"

"Not exactly."

He suddenly turned towards you and looked straight into your eyes.

"So why did you leave, y/n? Did someone tell you to leave? Were you threatened? What aren't you telling me?!?"

As he spoke, he started to sound more frenzied. Although seeing his tough facade fade sometimes was nice to watch, this was scary. You started to feel guilty for leaving without telling him.

"Diluc, nobody threatened me. I left because Mondstadt and the Knights don't need me. They found someone better and I got tired of feeling useless every day." You shifted and looked towards the ground. "I've done more while traveling this last month or two than I have in so long. Since Lumine got here I haven't had an opportunity to use my weapon, but I've gotten to fight so many more things and help so many more people than I did back in Mondstadt during the Stormterror crisis. And I doubt anyone truly missed me. If they said they did, they probably just said it out of courtesy. I'm sure they'll all be fine, they have Lumine now." As you mentioned her name, you felt spite run through your veins. "She can clearly do so much more than I ever could."

You lifted your head to look at Diluc. He had a look of shock on his face, and didn't say anything for a second. Then he finally spoke.

"So you're saying you left because you were jealous of the Traveler?"

Your tone changed to something angrier, sharper.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

Diluc sighed. "I'm sorry that they all made you feel that way. But rest assured, nobody meant to replace you. I'm sure they didn't realize what they were doing. You could never be replaced, y/n-"

"How could you POSSIBLY say that I could never be replaced when you replaced me too!"

You didn't even realize you were shouting at Diluc.

"What are you talking about, y/n? I could never replace you! You are a wonderful person, why would I ever want someone else in my life?"

"You did replace me, Diluc! Just like everyone else did! You completely stopped visiting me when she got here! Whenever I tried to find you, you were with her! You abandoned me for her!"

At this point, you were starting to cry as you yelled at him. "And I can't even be angry at her because you deserve someone like her! You deserve someone so much better than me! She's perfect- she's beautiful, and so strong, and has accomplished so much, and everyone loves her, and look at me! I'm never going to compare to her! It's no wonder you're in love with her…"

Although you said the last part of your rant under your breath, he still heard what you said.

"Y/n. Please. Look at me."

You looked at him.

"I am afraid I must apologize to you. I am so, so sorry for how I've treated you recently, and I'm so sorry it took all this for me to realize my mistakes. I promise you, I never meant to replace you with Lumine. The truth is, I've been busy recently with her because we've been investigating the Abyss Order. The Abyss Order manipulated Dvalin into attacking the city, and I was busy trying to get to the bottom of the situation without worrying the citizens of Mondstadt. I should've tried to make time for you, and I know sorry probably isn't enough, but I'm afraid it's all I have to give at this moment."

Suddenly, it all made sense. You should've figured he'd be trying to help with the Stormterror threat. And of course she would be able to help with that. You felt some of the jealousy fade away, but some of it still clung on to your heart, a weight waiting to be lifted.

"And another thing."

He looked away from you, glancing at the ground.

"Your notion that I am in love with Lumine is incorrect. Although I now consider her a good friend, the feelings I hold towards her and you are different. You mean much more to me than she ever has. The entire time we were out chasing after the Abyss, you were all I could think about, and when you disappeared I was terrified for you. So please trust me when I say she is not the one I love, but you are."

You were in disbelief. Did Diluc really just say he felt the same way towards you?

"Wait, Diluc. Did you just- are you saying that you have feelings for me?"

Although his head was turned away from you, you could see a blush spread across his face.

"Yes, that…is what I'm trying to say. I've grown to love you in the time we've spent together. I tried to ignore it for the sake of our friendship but as more and more time has passed it has become increasingly difficult to ignore. If this damages our relationship so be it. You deserve to know the truth."

Stunned, your mind went blank of a reply for a moment. You took a deep breath before replying.

"Diluc, I… I love you too. I'm so, so sorry I left without telling you, and I'm so sorry I was jealous of you and Lumine, and I'm so sorry for making you worry about me, and I love you so much, I- I-"

At this point you were crying and couldn't form a proper sentence. You looked down, hiding your head in your hands, too embarrassed to look at Diluc. He wrapped his arms around you and put one hand on the back of your head, pulling you into a warm embrace. Although he was generally standoffish, you had to admit he was a great hugger. You sobbed in his arms for a while, letting out months worth of stress. You kept babbling little "I'm sorrys" and other incoherent apologies, but he kept his arms around you the whole time, comforting you and assuring you that it was okay and he loved you. After a while you stopped crying, and at that point the sun was beginning to rise. You and Diluc stood under the great Windrise Tree and watched the sun slowly rise among the cloudscape.

"If you want to keep traveling I won't stop you, but I think you should stop by the Knight's headquarters and tell Jean and Kaeya that you're okay. They've all been worried about you."

"Yeah, you're right, I probably should. But I wanna stay with you for now…" you said as you leaned into him once again. You suddenly let out a loud yawn, realizing how tired you were from a night of fighting and crying. Diluc also noticed your sleepiness.

"Do you want to go back to the winery with me to get some sleep?"

"Yes. That would be absolutely wonderful. I'm exhausted."

"Then let's go."

You and Diluc walked back to the Dawn Winery in the light of the early morning sun, holding hands and talking about everything that had happened while you were apart. When you got back to the winery, you slept through much of the day in your lover's arms, and spent the rest of it making up for lost time, telling stories of your adventures and eating food Adelinde brought you.

It felt like a burden had been lifted off of you, and you could finally enjoy days of peace with Diluc without standing in the shadow of another person.

Bonus:

The next day, Diluc took you to the Knights of Favonius's headquarters. Everyone was surprised, but pleased at your return. Diluc explained why you had left to your superiors, and they rushed to apologize to you.

It turned out that right after you left for Liyue, so did Lumine as she sought the Geo Archon. And with two of their best workers gone, the Knights were barely coping with rebuilding the city from Stormterror's damages.

You could tell they were truly remorseful for how they had treated you the last few months, with even the normally aloof Kaeya looking grim as the situation was explained to him.

It also turned out that you weren't the only one fed up with their actions after Lumine's arrival. Many other knights felt like they had been cast aside after the Traveler's arrival. You were just the only one to leave.

You weren't sure if you could forgive them just yet, and you knew you wanted to travel some more before officially returning to the knights.

But now you knew how truly important you were to your friends in the Knights, and you had a loving boyfriend to boot. Overall, things were finally starting to look up for you, and you knew that no matter how far you traveled from your homeland, you would have people waiting for you when you got home.

Finding the one you loved had truly led to the ending you deserved.

#hooooly shit i finished it #diluc x reader #genshin x reader #genshin imagines #genshin impact x reader #diluc x y/n #diluc ragnivindr x reader #genshin x y/n #gender neutral reader #hurt/comfort #slight angst #diluc ragnvindr #genshin diluc

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liz-crazywrld · 4 days

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The truest love…

Part 1

Summary: Y/n’s older has two older sisters, Margot and Anastasia. Anastasia has been in struggling in her relationship with Feyd as he abuses her but 5 years later after giving birth to her daughter Ariadne, she suddenly dies leaving Feyd to take care of Ariadne but he can’t do it Alone so Y/n goes to help out.

TW: death, abuse, child neglect, not many TW in this one

Na-Baroness Anastasia Harkonnen, known by many others as Lady Anastasia Fenring. She had two older sisters Margot Fenring being the eldest, followed by Anastasia Fenring and of cause the most popular sister Y/n Fenring. You ask why she is the most popular? Well she is of high value, she is to marry Paul Atreides himself and she has never left the palace without her face being covered. So really no one has ever seen her, she is a mystery everyone wants to solve.

4 years ago Feyd Rautha Harkonnen and Lady Anastasia Fenring became one, honestly the wedding was beautiful, she was beautiful but he didn’t appreciate her. He did not talk to her once that entire night on Geidi Prime. She never wanted this, she always loved to fight, she was a warrior and a damn good one at that. Trained by the Bene Gesserit on Kaitan.

Anastasia always said that their marriage was unstable and rocky, she never lied about whatever was going on between the two of them. She understood Feyd was young, completely self obsessed and just completely selfish. Almost every night Feyd would sleep with his pets instead of his wife. He did abuse her sexually, physically and mentally sometimes and that was his justification.

It seemed that Her father and her older sister didn’t care at all, abusing women was a common occurrence on Geidi Prime and to comment on it would cost them their lives or Anastasia’s. Whereas whenever Lady Y/n visited Feyd Rautha she always had something nasty to say to him, they both hated each other. She made sure Feyd always dreaded coming to their home planet or she would even be horrible to him on Geidi Prime and Anastasia loved it, Margot on the other hand wasn’t as pleased but as Anastasia died Y/n became softer to Feyd as she understood he’s lost his wife and the mother of his daughter.

But before the na-Baroness became with child he had barely any respect for her until 15th 10192 Feyd got news that she was with child. He understood it was important but not fully understanding the severity of his actions, he was just pleased he had bred her and created another life form, which is exactly what his uncle told him to do. He had made his Uncle proud. He certainly didn’t do this for her or himself and he made that perfectly clear to her.

He became much more gentle with her, treated her with a tiny bit of respect hearing word of her pregnancy and in 10192, 9 months later Lady Ariadne Harkonnen was born, on the 7th. Feyd was proud he showed Ariadne off to everyone he met but he didn’t care for her or love her, he just loved the attention he was getting, it angered him when people said “she looks like her mummy” because he wanted all the attention through her.

What can you expect really expect Feyd was only 19 at the time, he only cared for himself, he’s self centred, after showing Ariadne off he threw her right back to her weak struggling mother, exhausted from childbirth.

About 5 years later 10197 on the 6th, na-Baroness Anastasia Harkonnen, Lady Anastasia Fenring had be pronounced dead…

Her mother, father, friends, sisters, servants and of cause her daughter were all heart broken. It would never be the same again, you see how I didn’t mention her husband? That’s because he killed her. But no one knows that yet…

Her funeral was held on her home planet, leaders and people from all over came to celebrate the young lady’s life as she was loved by all. Billions of tears were shed for this woman. During the funeral little Ariadne couldn’t stop crying, begging for her mother back and not once did her father hold her, not even her hand. It’s as if she didn’t exist to him, Lady yn noticed that of cause and she held her tight, giving her the same comfort and love her mother would. But of cause it would never be the same. I don’t think Feyd noticed once that his child wasn’t with him.

He was drinking.

Ariadne is very close with her family Margot adores her and so does yn of cause but more so Y/n, she surprises her with pretty dresses, gorgeous jewellery and they play together constantly. Y/n is definitely Ariadne’s bestest friend, if you didn’t know them you’d think they were sisters, I mean they sure do look alike. But most importantly the two ladies never had a dull moment together, not even at the funeral.

Y/n’s POV

A few mornings later while I was in one of my dreaded etiquette lessons, Margot says I’m too unladylike. Umm no I’m not, bitch, umm anyway…

It was early and I’d just left my lesson to eat breakfast with my family, the palace was still very quiet as everyone is still mourning the passing of my dear sister. I was affected badly by her passing, even seeing her face makes me bawl out in tears. She was my best friend, but anyway I walked into the dining room. I greeted both my sister, my mother and my father. I sat down and there was nothing but silence, i understand everyone is still very upset though. There was the most beautiful moment of silence ever in the world, just before my father opened his mouth. Great

“My dear Y/n, I must ask a favour of you,”

“What is that father?” I mumbled shoving the delicious French toast into my mouth.

“YN eat nicely, you animal” she stressed shooting me a stern look, I rolled my eyes and did as she said.

“Feyd Rautha cannot possibly take care of his daughter alone. I need you to travel to Geidi Prime and be of assistance to him” My father said as I chocked on my food and Margot gave me a disgusted look.

“Me, Feyd Rautha, Geidi Prime? No Can we not bring Ariadne here?” I said in utter disbelief.

“We saw how you were with her at the funeral and we believe you are the best match sister, the na-Baron will very much appreciate it, my dear” Margot spoke gently to me for the first time ever.

“He won’t he hates me”

“Well… do it for Ariadne my dear” My father spoke

“Fine, If it’s for Ariadne then I will do whatever it takes” I agreed stuffing my face once again

“I also believe my dear that it is time for the people to see your face, you will not be covered on your way to Geidi Prime” my father spoke, holding my hand.

“and we will accompany you” my mother jumped in to reassure me after seeing the worry on my face.

“We will leave as soon as possible, we will leave tomorrow morning,” my eyes opened wide in shocked.

“The servants will have all our belongings transferred to Geidi Prime in time for our arrival.”

A/n: Thank you so much for reading, I hope u get a chance to read part 2 aswell xx

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sirfrogsworth · 6 months

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The Pretty Average Trump Trauma

I really picked the wrong week to have a controversial post go viral.

The appeal deadline for my disability case is very soon and we just recently got the last of the medical records. My lawyer can get very busy and hard to reach. And I have been freaking out trying to get a hold of him to make sure everything is ready to be submitted. Thankfully he just emailed and said everything is on track and will be sent in for the appeal.

But having this weighing on me behind the scenes while also dealing with the blowback from my "vote for Biden" post caused me to enter into some unhealthy arguments and lose my temper on several occasions.

I didn't actually think about what would happen if that post went viral. Sometimes I write things and a hundred people see it, and it serves as a catharsis because I was able to get my thoughts and fears out of my brain.

And sometimes it gets reblogged 6000 times and I can forget I have a platform where that happens from time to time.

I wish I had written a better initial post. I think my thoughts in subsequent posts, along with the inclusion of what I think is a better strategy, would have gone a long way to help people understand my point of view. Looking back, that original post feels incomplete.

The post that ended up going viral was not inspired by reason or logic and it was never really meant to convince anyone of anything.

I thought I was preaching to the choir.

It was a representation of my fears. It was the result of two years of panic and trauma from the pandemic which ended in my mother's horrible death.

Let me explain...

On November 9th, Shaun, a YouTuber I respect, posted this.

And it scared the hell out of me.

A very popular leftist with a huge platform wrote this to 5 million people and I freaked out.

Shaun wasn't necessarily saying not to vote for Biden at the time. But he thinks people should all say they won't vote for him unless he calls for a ceasefire. I get the strategy. But I feared that nuance would be lost on many people and they would only see it as "don't vote for Biden... no matter what." Which was an accurate prediction on my part. The guy from Eve 6 has been going nuance-free for weeks now.

The one thing I greatly disagree with Shaun about is this...

Before the pandemic, I might have understood his argument. For the first two years, Trump was mostly an ineffectual goof. He had trouble getting a lot of his worst ideas to manifest. Most of the border wall he built ended up being repairs of existing barriers. And Obama droned civilians and kept kids in cages too—though Trump kept them in cages indefinitely and made up a rule that we can't actually know how many civilians he was droning.

So, a lot of the same, but turned up to 11.

But nothing about the pandemic response was pretty average.

There is something I have been choosing not to say during all of these discussions. I felt like saying it would be poor timing. I was worried people wouldn't actually agree with me. I worried it would make people think I was turning suffering into a competition. I didn't want to make it look like I valued certain lives over others. But then people accused me of all of that anyway. I was called evil and a collaborator and a supporter of genocide.

So I'm going to talk about it. Because the fact that few have mentioned it in these discussions has been bothering me. And the fact that the majority of society does not mention it makes me feel very alone in this belief.

I have long believed Trump and the majority of US conservatives committed a genocide of the disabled and elderly. I was never really comfortable calling it that word. I wasn't really sure how a genocide got classified as such. So I would just say things like, "40% of people who died during COVID should still be alive" and "Trump is responsible for hundreds of thousands of COVID deaths" and "Trump killed my mom" and hoping people would make the connection or at least see it as mass murder. I mean, this country judges everything by how many "9/11s" something is, but not the pandemic?

Donald Trump was the leader of the Republican party. When he refused to wear a mask due to vanity, his followers looked for something to excuse him. And I feel that directly birthed the "masks don't work" movement among conservatives. Donald Trump, having enormous influence among his acolytes, refused to correct this dangerous rhetoric. And he probably welcomed the cover so he could continue going maskless and not smear his makeup—even after he nearly died.

It is my belief this was the beginning of a genocide of apathy, deliberate and accidental incompetence, and non-compliance. And the reason for that non-compliance was not freedom as many claimed.

Conservatives did not like being inconvenienced.

They didn't like having to consider others.

And if competence requires effort and vigilance, they'd prefer doing the bare minimum.

Trump was famous for not filling vital administrative positions in the executive branch. Not only that, his turnover rate was 5 times higher than previous administrations. People were asked to do the job of several people because they didn't staff properly, and so those people quit. Thus creating a cycle of inexperienced new-hires that were out of their depth and asked to do much more than they bargained for. There is no way they could succeed in their jobs.

I think people forget that part of the role of the executive is the day-to-day boring administrative shit that is required to run a country. And when this day-to-day work isn't valued, it creates a crisis of incompetence. Which then creates things like not enough tests, not enough testing, Trump saying "if you don't test, it doesn't count", botched vaccine rollouts, rampant misinformation, poor education of the populace, and abysmal improvised press conferences where the President does a quick riff on injecting bleach.

This competence aspect is one of the hugest reliefs I had with the Biden administration. Not Biden. Not his policies. I'm talking about the regular workers getting shit done. This is the reason I am desperate to get my shit worked out with Social Security before the election. I once called Social Security during the pandemic and I literally got a recording saying to try calling back the next month.

Trump didn't care. People criticized him for not hiring people. He was aware of the problem. He just did nothing about it. And many conservatives praised him for "trimming the fat" or whatever. This idea that all of these government workers were useless burdens on the taxpayer fell apart during the pandemic.

There is incompetence caused by ignorance but it can also be a deliberate act. Trump was extraordinary in all forms of incompetence. He wasn't qualified to manage a pandemic. But he could have easily appointed experts and then gotten out of the way. But his narcissism would not let him cede power to anyone. He has always been convinced "only Trump can save you" and so his ego helped kill nearly half a million people.

Once the incompetence ball got rolling, that's when malicious apathy reared its ugly head. It was time to choose who they cared least about dying—who they felt was most useless. Conservatives decided it was time to devalue lives and start making sacrifices to save politicians' money laundering fronts small businesses.

Popular conservatives were going on TV and saying it was okay if Grandma died. It would be a worthy sacrifice to protect our freedoms.

The Lt. Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, basically offered up the elderly for sacrifice all while claiming that he spoke for them and was also willing to die. Though I don't take his personal willingness very seriously, since he has the money and resources to get the best medical care and probably had no expectation he was in any danger.

“No one reached out to me and said, ‘As a senior citizen, are you willing to take a chance on your survival in exchange for keeping the America that all America loves for your children and grandchildren?’ But if they had? If that is the exchange, I’m all in. So my message is let’s get back to work. Those of us who are 70-plus, we’ll take care of ourselves.”

But you cannot just sacrifice the elderly. You may justify it by saying they have lived a long life, but many of the same health risks were shared by the disabled. Many of whom still had normal lifespans, but just needed extra care and protection.

There are countless elderly who cannot "take care of themselves" but they are still of value to our society. They are still loved. They watch and teach their grandchildren. They are the keepers of the family stories. They bake cookies and give you two dollar bills. They have random bowls of butterscotch all throughout their house.

But some need help. Some are sick. Some can't drive. Some can't walk. I guarantee not all of them were prepared to die for the cause.

And none deserved to die for a sports bar.

Oh, didn't I mention?

Dan Patrick owned a chain of sports bars that were losing money from the lockdowns. Did you really think he was sacrificing old folks "for the children"?

Thankfully Dan's sports bars are gonna be okay. He ended up receiving a $179,000 PPP loan... that was forgiven.

Then they started saying COVID deaths weren't COVID deaths.

"Well, they had a bad heart." "They were obese." "They had cancer."

They dropped the elderly excuse and began to openly devalue the disabled as well. If you were sick, what good were you? They considered us the next sacrifices for their convenience. If we wanted to survive, we shouldn't have gotten sick. It didn't matter that we could survive for years or even have a normal lifespan as long as we were protected by our communities.

And then began the non-compliance.

Trump's followers ignored masks and lockdowns and eventually vaccines. They were unwilling to protect the vulnerable and so many of us just... died.

Again, 40% of the US COVID deaths could have been prevented. Hundreds of thousands of people should still be here. Malicious apathy, incompetence, and non-compliance were the direct cause of this genocide.

The United Nations Genocide Convention identified 5 acts that typically constitute genocide. Only one act is required and in the pandemic 3 of the 5 acts happened.

Killing members of a group. Causing members of a group serious bodily harm. Imposing living conditions on that group that would destroy them.

I'm looking at that third one just now and realizing why we have advocates to remind us of vulnerable groups that need protection. I was thinking about how the elderly and disabled were trapped in hyper-contagious nursing homes and care facilities, but I completely forgot about prisons and the concentration camps at the borders.

I am not trying to diminish the awful things happening in Palestine right now. This is not a comparison of suffering—but a reminder. When a current terrible thing is happening, it can be hard to focus on anything else. But I do wish more people recognized what happened as a genocide and that the leader of that genocide, the one with the power to stop it, was Donald Trump. If we are going to base this voting decision entirely on acts of genocide, why is this not part of the consideration?

It is an awful moral calculus we have to figure out. One president is supporting and asking for funding for a genocide and I feel the other was the direct cause of another genocide. That's why I said both choices sucked. And the only way I could resolve this moral calculation was by asking what path would cause the least harm for everyone involved.

And the most disappointing aspect of all of these debates was the ableism. People told me if Trump was elected and I lost my benefits I should grow my own food and learn about medicine. They said I valued disabled lives above those in Gaza. They told me to imagine myself in Nazi Germany as a collaborator despite the fact I would have been euthanized.

But I felt like they weren't considering the disabled at all.

I am a disability advocate. So of course I am going to remind people to consider us in their voting decisions. But I'm tired of hearing I value lives differently just because I speak on behalf of a vulnerable group more often. I'm tired of continually having to justify my existence. And I'm tired of people dismissing the very real trauma caused by Trump.

It was not pretty average.

I'd like to tell you the full story of my mother's passing. All of the details. Even the ones I can't bear to type. But this isn't just my story. This is the story of countless others who had to watch their loved ones slowly die behind glass or over the phone or on an iPad.

I spent two years in constant anxiety trying to protect my two very sick parents. It was always assumed that my father was the most at risk. And that he was probably going to die long before my mother. But she had started a treatment for her psoriatic arthritis that turned the volume down on her immune system. Something that would normally not be a huge risk... but a pandemic changed that. A vaccine needs a functioning immune system to protect someone.

She could either accept the agony of stopping treatment or risk getting COVID. If people would have been willing to protect her, it would have been an easier choice. And she would still be around today. And I wouldn't have to worry about being homeless right now.

I don't know for sure when she was infected. I kept her inside as much as possible. But she needed those treatments and we had to pile into a crowded waiting room every time. And I remember a man in his fifties who seemed preoccupied with having to wear a mask. And when he thought no one was looking, he'd pull it down below his nose. A few days later she was being taken away in an ambulance.

A few weeks before my mother died, she called me on the phone. She was heavily medicated and they had two different breathing devices assisting her. The nurse was holding the phone up to her ear and she was trying to speak over the volume of the air rushing into her face from the masks. I could not hear her no matter how loud she yelled. So she asked the nurse to take the masks off for just a second so we could talk.

Her only concern was for my father. We all contracted COVID and she was so worried he would end up just like her. Thankfully the vaccine worked for him and he was okay at that moment. But she kept yelling, "Is Dad okay? Is Dad okay?" And I kept trying to tell her he was fine, but she was hard of hearing and the phone could not be held very close to her ear.

Unfortunately, the yelling made it harder and harder for her to breathe. She started gasping for air. The nurse kept insisting she put the breathing equipment back on, but my mom refused. "I want to talk to my son! I need to talk to my son!"

I knew there wasn't much we could do to communicate. And so I kept trying to yell "I love you, Mom. Everyone is fine. I love you!" I then asked the nurse to tell her that. And when she finally understood what I was saying, she burst into tears.

Her oxygen levels were getting dangerously low and she was fighting the nurse. And she just yelled out, "I'm so scared! I think I'm going to die! Tell Dad I'm sorry I can't take care of him! I don't want to die!" She kept repeating that over and over. The nurse had no choice and had to put the masks back on. My mom screamed and shouted "No! Please no! That's my son!"

And those were the last words I ever heard from my mother.

Gasping for air. Scared of dying. Worried about her family.

This moment has intrusively popped into my brain on a regular basis since it happened. It happens when I'm awake. It happens in my dreams. I have no control over it. I just have to keep experiencing it like it is happening for the first time.

After I saw that tweet from Shaun and then many others expressing the same thing (without the strategic aspect), my dread and trauma resurfaced with a vengeance. I've been reliving my mom's final words in my dreams. That moment keeps popping into my head. I feared the man I feel is most responsible for my mother's death may regain power and kill me and the last of the family I have left.

I keep asking myself the same questions over and over. What if there is another public health emergency? What happens to my trans friends if he turns the US into Florida and Texas? What will happen to the migrants at the border?

All I have is my two best friends. Katrina is gay and Delling is trans and disabled. All of us are vulnerable.

I wrote that post to help deal with the nightmares. Writing is part of my coping process. I didn't really expect it to go super viral. I just needed to get that out of my brain. But when people pushed back and started calling me evil and a collaborator and that I was valuing my life above those in Palestine, all with a huge heap of ableism, I found myself unable to let it go and not respond. I couldn't choose the healthy thing and step away.

While I feel I made some good arguments and put forth some solid ideas for other ways to handle this, I also got angry and lost my temper and stayed in arguments for way too long—all to my mental detriment.

My little world felt like it was collapsing and the world at large also felt like it was collapsing. I had personal horrors in my mind mixing with the horrors of this global conflict.

It was too much.

I don't regret what I posted. Many felt the same as I do. And I think my subsequent posts did a good job of expanding on my thoughts while also offering hope for alternate solutions.

But I do regret the timing and I wish I hadn't lost my temper. Especially in a reply I left with a lot of cussing.

People might disagree but I am hoping that people can understand the fear and trauma that influences my point of view.

I am actually willing to risk quite a lot to protect other people. Even people in faraway lands I don't know.

But I refuse to offer up the vulnerable to be sacrificed if it won't actually help anyone. That's what a Texas Lt. Governor would do.

#trigger warning #death mention #genocide mention

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anthurak · 4 months

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So here’s something interesting I’ve been mulling over lately:

How exactly did Ironwood get TWO council seats? The way several characters make note of it across Volume 7 and the simple fact that the positions of ‘Headmaster of the Academy’ and ‘General of the Army’ are clearly meant to be separate positions imply that this is NOT normal. And that something unorthodox must have happened to land Ironwood in this position.

Now I think it’s easy to imagine that Ironwood didn’t gain both these positions at the same time. Rather, he was appointed through relatively normal means to one of these council seats, and then something happened that lead to him being given, or taking, the other.

So that leads us to one interesting question: Which was Ironwood FIRST? Headmaster or General? Now on the one hand, given how Ironwood seems much more focused on the military by the time we meet him, to the point of more or less viewing the academy as little more than an extension of the military, it’s certainly easy to guess that Ironwood was General first and simply started folding the academy into the military after becoming Headmaster as well.

However, let’s also consider the fact that Ironwood kinda SUCKS at the whole ‘military command’ thing, repeatedly making blunders and being outsmarted and outmaneuvered by others. Remember that as early as Volume 2, he had to be reminded by Ozpin of the value of something as basic as reconnaissance. I imagine it’s just as, if not more likely that being General of the Army was a position that was suddenly dropped on Ironwood, one that he was not actually trained or properly prepared for. And that his putting so much focus on the military is a case of Ironwood overcompensating (something Jimmy is already WELL known for). His way of convincing everyone, especially himself, that ‘Yes, I am definitely deserving and very capable of this job! I’m a GREAT general! Look at all these general-things I’m doing!’

Also note that despite viewing them as part of the military, Ironwood shows clear favoritism to huntsmen and huntresses, viewing and presenting them as the ‘elite’ and ‘best’ of the military. Not to mention he clearly seems to have headquartered the Atlas Military IN Atlas Academy. To me, that all speaks to Ironwood having been Headmaster first.

So that brings us back to the original question: How did this all happen?

Well here’s a little hypothetical scenario I cooked up:

About 20 or so years before the start of the show, the aging general of the Atlas Military dies. Now this is a serious problem because despite being a pretty great and well-liked leader, they never bothered to train a proper replacement. They may have several subordinates running various branches of the military, all capable in their own right, but none with the training, knowledge or experience to really take over. Worse still, everyone quickly notes that this could quite easily lead to a power-struggle and in-fighting between several different factions.

Into this dicey situation steps the Headmaster of Atlas Academy, a longtime friend and confidant (heck maybe even lover) of the late General. Someone who is just as experienced and well-respected as the general, and even has a great deal of experience and knowledge about the Atlas Military, thanks to their long and close relationship with the late general. The Headmaster volunteers to take the council seat of General of the Army, something which basically everyone agrees is the safest option.

However, the Headmaster also believes that it would not be reasonable for them to hold both the position of Headmaster AND General. Thus, they elect to step down as Headmaster. In their place, they appoint their protégé: A young but talented and determined huntsman by the name of James Ironwood.

HOWEVER, just a few years later when Ironwood is just getting used to his new position as headmaster and also being part of the whole ancient conspiracy protecting the world from Actually-Satan Goth Mommy, his mentor and predecessor-now-General ALSO dies suddenly. Perhaps in battle, perhaps in a tragic accident, or perhaps in a… ‘‘tragic accident’’ (pay no attention to the innocently whistling Salem in the corner), and of course they also have no clear successor/replacement (I like to think this General actually WAS smart enough to start training a successor, it’s just that trainee happened to die alongside them).

And so, with uncertainty and potential chaos brewing, Ironwood decides that HE'LL be the one to step up in Atlas's time of need and fill this vital role, just like his mentor did! Buuuuttt he'll also remain as headmaster too. It's no problem! He can handle BOTH jobs! He was hand-picked by his mentor and told he was their best and brightest! (Notice a pattern here?)

And people are... generally okay with this because hey the military and the academy have always been pretty close and Ironwood was hand-picked by the last guy so he has to know what he's doing, right?

With this, Jimmy Ironwood throws himself simultaneously into one job he might not have been the best fit for AND another job he DEFINITELY wasn't a good fit for.

#rwby #rwby analysis #rwby theory #rwby character analysis #james ironwood

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 1 year

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glorious masquerade: final thoughts

I’ve received several asks requesting that I share my opinions on certain aspects of the event, so I’ve compiled and condensed all my major thoughts into one post! ^^

***Spoilers below the cut!!***

I think the setting of Fantasy Paris the City of Flowers is a really interesting one that provides a ton of unique locations and cool lore! From their stalls to Noble Bell Academy campus and its bell tower, to the local specialties and legends, and its jolly people… It’s such a charming place!

It was fun to see the dynamics of each group and learn miscellaneous facts about them through their banter. This is something that TWST has pretty much always excelled at doing, so I can’t say I’m surprised.

The touring the city highlights for me mainly revolve around Sebek being fucking ridiculous 😂 Insisting he isn’t hungry, trying to impress Malleus by answering a history question correctly, chasing the goat around, the coffee mix-up, trying to sit in Azul’s lap, constantly sobbing and shouting like a kid despite trying to be an adult… chsvsidnksne god, it’s so funny OTL

I wasn’t expecting more lore about Trein and his wife, but it was a really welcome surprise. You can tell just how much Trein cherishes the dates and the other memories he had with his beloved in the City of Flowers… ashbldbiyasdbiald AND THE NRC BOYS KIND OF TEASE HIM AND ASK HIM ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP

Something else I really liked but wasn’t expecting was actual adult involvement in the story, even if it is pretty minimal. (It’s still a lot more than Crowley intervening.) Like, Trein actively tries to guide his students and he cries when he thinks they’re acting unbecoming. He genuinely cares for them and wants them to become upstanding gentlemen.

I was 100% anticipating RSA cameos ever since the event was pitched to us as a gathering of students from various magic schools. It was a treat to see Chenya and Neige show up and actually do something meaningful; their sacrifices really highlight the difference in values between RSA and NRC–and it shows just how much they cherish their friends, something the NRC boys have yet to fully embrace themselves.

I adored the plot twist of Rollo’s true motives and the contrast between the facade he puts up and how maniacal he is behind that cold mask. Rollo in general is just a really fascinating character to me.

NOT TREIN HAVING HIP PROBLEMS, NOT LILIA HAVING HIP PROBLEMS SDHABSIDASLIDASBIDAS

I’m not super bothered by Yuu not being involved in the main conflict; they did their part by helping the townspeople. Even if they are magicless (and thus unaffected by the crimson flowers), it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’d be helpful in combat or anything (being magicless does not ward the flowers off, it just means they don’t attack a person/they can touch a person without bringing them harm); Yuu would just be another body to protect as they ascend the bell tower.

The cutaway gag to Jack and Ace on NRC campus wondering what the symposium attendees are up to was AMAZINGLY TIMED. Ace saying he wished he was with them right now before the game goes back to Deuce having a not-so-fun time with the crimson flowers… That’s peak comedy right there.

I mentioned this before already, but this event showcases how resourceful the NRC boys can be, specifically in the use of their unique magic. They’re limited in what magic they can use to begin with since the crimson flowers suck it from them and become stronger as a result, so they’re forced into corners where they need to come up with creative solutions. For example, Epel uses the coffin conjured by Sleep Kiss to protect Riddle from making contact with the flowers. Ruggie and Jamil use their respective unique magic to get NBC mob students to do the fighting for them. Azul uses It’s a Deal to borrow Deuce’s Bet the Limit/Double Down in preparation for the battle he anticipates with Rollo at the top of the bell tower. It’s so masterfully done!

I also enjoyed seeing Sebek and Silver fight together. Despite how often they are at odds with each other with their personalities and general demeanors, they are perfectly coordinated in combat and their grueling childhood training comes in clutch here.

GARGOYLE-KUN 😭 I’M SO GLAD HE AND HIS FRIENDS CAME BACK

The NBC students and Gargoyle-kun are useful side characters that help paint a nuanced image of Rollo to us long before learning the truth of his dark machinations. They see him as such a good and reliable person, and cannot fathom that he would stoop so low, which makes the tragedy all the more bittersweet.

THE SSR CHARACTERS FOR THIS EVENT WERE ACTUALLY IMPORTANT. Every character gets their time in the spotlight, but I really liked that the SSRs actually played significant roles in the story (unlike in a lot of previous events, especially the ones involving an extensive cast of characters). Malleus actually leads the trio as their powerhouse, Azul strategizes, and Idia is there to emotionally shame Rollo/foreshadow the twist with his little brother. They actually earned their standing as the event SSRs, and their strong ties to the event story makes me feel more compelled to actually roll for them.

AZUL AND DEUCE’S UNIQUE MAGIC INCANTATIONS AAAAAAAAH

I’m not a fan of Malleus at all (and I’m still not; he continues to be my least favorite character by far), but he’s significantly more interesting in this event than in his other appearances. Most of this is due to the fact that he’s actually allowed to be in an active leadership position rather than sit around waiting for others to act on him or to him (as is the case for a lot of the main story).

I don’t like the moments where Malleus lashes out in anger, but I did appreciate the parts where he was a gracious and strong leader. He thanks his peers for volunteering to be decoys, he praises Sebek and Silver for their vigilance, and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get to Rollo and stop him. Malleus realizes the threat that Rollo’s plot poses to his country (which is predominantly fairies, beings of magic), and he’s finally behaving like a true king to the Briar Valley, doing all in his power to save his people. This is admittedly very admirable of him (well, if I focus on the duty he has to his people rather than the petty personal grudge he has with Rollo).

I really want to see more complex aspects of Malleus’s character like this rather than the emphasis on his woe-is-me loneliness that so often occurs within the fandom and in the main story; however, this really isn’t different from what my opinion of him was prior to Glorious Masquerade. I have always known that I was dissatisfied with his general portrayal and that I wanted something more substantial to him. It’s just that the game is now finally getting around to providing the kind of Malleus content I was hoping for, but it doesn’t necessarily endear him to me or make me like him. This is just him meeting my bare minimum 😂

Malleus fanboying over meeting Gargoyle-kun though, that was 👌 Gargoyle is best boy.

ROLLO UNIQUE MAGIC????????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?? HELLOW???!?!?!?!?!?

Man. Rollo’s actions are so atrocious and unjustified but you also end up feeling so bad for him when you learn about his full backstory 😭 This is the kind of content I live for, characters and stories that make me think deeply about what drives them and why they act in the ways that they do.

Yo, Idia laying the verbal smackdown on Rollo????? Shaming him to hell and back????? AND DARN IT, Idia’s speech made me remember episode 6 and I started crying all over again OTL

THE GARGOYLE GIVING AZUL MALLEUS AND IDIA NICKNAMES AaAhHhHHHHHH AnD OFFERING TO LISTEN TO ROLLO’S WOES 🥺

THE NBC MOB STUDENTS BEING SO SWEET AND WORRIED ABOUT ROLLO????? ADMIRING HIM SO MUCH??????? GOD THEY’RE SO PURE AND INNOCENT THEY LOOK UP TO THEIR PREZ

Rollo’s punishment is so ironic, but I think it’s perfect for his character. Living with the weight of his sins is worse than death itself for Rollo, someone who heavily internalizes guilt.

Aaaaaah, I love that Rook is super proud of Epel and how much he has grown up… asbhldilbasdbas and how he talks about telling Vil about it when they get back?? Pomefiore family for the win…

SILVER AND SEBEK TOSSING PEOPLE INTO THE AIR TO PRAISE THEM ASDKHABSILDLABISDBIASBD THAT WAS SUPER CUTE, AND I LIKE THAT IDIA SUFFERED FOR IT

The two rhythmic sections were cute! (GRIM SPINNING LIVES ON IN MY HEART FOREVER) Malleus, Idia, and Azul providing a song with lyrics in the second one caught me off-guard but it was super enjoyable and the vibes reminded me of a grand and somber opera.

Idia suffering is my bread and butter of his appearances cbjsvsjshwksns The way he just hides behind a pillar while his classmates praise him and he complains all the way up to the performance, trying to stave it off or to avoid it entirely… Relatable.

ROLLO AND MALLEUS SHARE A DANCE TOGETHER AT THE END????? I like how this is how they “reconcile”, it’s so awkward. LIKE. Malleus asks Rollo to dance with him, Rollo tells him to fuck off find another partner, and then Malleus guilts him into accepting by saying “Oh, are you really going to refuse an invitation from an HONORED guest?” AND THEN ROLLO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY DEMANDING MALLEUS’S HAND??? Hey, baby steps I guess 😂 (One of my friends was screaming about how the ending felt very “enemies to lovers” to them, but I was just excited for the prospect of Rollo’s return in the future!)

It’s interesting the way Malleus talked about being fearful of Rollo almost like it was a positive experience 😂 I guess that’s a novel feeling for the oh-so-great-and-powerful Malleus Draconia so anyone willing to approach him (regardless of their reasons for doing so) excites him. And that weirdly gives him a playful “rival” dynamic with Rollo, who still pretty much hates his guts cldbskxbjsmdkzh

… As expected, Yuu learned nothing in the City of Flowers which would help them find a way home 😂 I knew Crowley was full of bullshit.

I’m surprised that I like most, if not all, of the Groovies??? Usually I find event card Groovies to be kind of unappealing (*stares at Groom Ace*); I think the last one I was SUPER crazy for was actually Groom Idia… but the Maskquerade Groovies had a ton of atmosphere, nice lighting, fluttering fabric, and the boys just looking like they’re enjoying themselves. I do find it kind of odd that the background looks so empty for a dance (you’d think there’d be more people), but I can forgive that as the artists probably wanted to avoid clutter. The SSR Groovies were especially a treat; the lighting there is so heavenly and the detailing on each individual student is astonishing.

Overall, I really loved this event! I might even call it my favorite one so far!! ✨ I definitely appreciated its more serious vibes and how dark the story got. It was balanced pretty well with the light-hearted moments and worldbuilding, and a lot of characters had their time to shine. I’m hoping that we get more events with similar vibes to Glorious Masquerade in the coming future!!

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capriciousleo · 1 year

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“Fatui Harbinger Natal Charts” Pt. 3

∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴ ∵ ∴

Parts: 1, 2

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𝑺𝑪𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑴𝑶𝑼𝑪𝑯𝑬’𝑺 𝑵𝑨𝑻𝑨𝑳 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑻

Sun- Capricorn

Moon- Cancer

Mercury- Capricorn

Venus- Cancer

Mars- Scorpio

Rising- Aries

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OKAY! Let's start with me correctly guessing his sun sign before he was canonically announced to be a Capricorn kgekbhi. He possesses typical Capricorn traits, with his Mercury-- cold appearance, a bit standoffish, a tiny bit arrogant and condescending, sarcastic, cynical. He places huge value into respect and authority, hence why he constantly reminds others that he's a god and he's above others (ex: Sumeru Archon Quest). He doesn't particularly understand that respect also needs to be earned, however. Many Capricorn placements are known for their sharp tongue that is not usually used for malefic purposes. Scara is also known for this, and speaks about it himself. Despite voicing out the hardcore reality and facts, people constantly get upset and hurt by these placements. Even Dottore's pride was hurt by Scara's simple, and imo, not even negative words about the latter and his experiments on the former. He simply called things as they are, but Dottore saw that as disrespect and was so quick to jump on "You have to be more respectful with me, Scaramouche" thing. Capricorn Suns and Moons don't get along particularly well, I've noticed hfihfiewhwi. Deciding to get rid of his feelings so it would disrupt his goals is also such a Capricorn thing, but I'll also come back to it in his Mars placement. Capricorns are also quick to cut out what’s not serving them any longer, hence why he chose to sever his ties with the Fatui and not go back after Dottore kicked him out, which other Fatui members perceived as Scaramouche betraying them.

Cancer Moon + Venus cries. He's a baby. Despite putting on a Capricorn front that nothing hurts him, doesn't feel anything at all, and that he's practically invincible, he feels fuck ton of emotions. After all the years Ei left him, he still feels deeply hurt. Remember him being discarded because he was too kind-hearted? Boy literally played around with kids, collected flowers/fruits, helped around, etc etc. He wants to feel loved. Now, as the Wanderer, and after spending time with Nahida, I do think that he slowly heals this trauma and slowly develops the sense of inner calmness. I may make a separate post about his transition lmk🤭.

Scorpio Mars. All of the things that happened in his life, people leaving him in different ways, he saw that as betrayal- he said it himself. This Mars placement is distrusting and cynical, and it takes a long time until they begin to open up. And, whenever someone betrays them, they feel it deeply. I do not think any other Mars placement feels the pain of a betrayal and hurt as deep as Scorpio. They may not show it on the outside in the beginning. These people are like a volcano- the emotions, like lava, slowly but surely rise up until they finally explode and burn everything on their way. Scara, the same way, piling everything up, turned evil and became a part of the Fatui. Erasing his emotions to achieve what they want is something this placement shares with Capricorn placements, particularly Suns and Mercuries. He’s also quite cunning and knows how to get around. And let me mention the way he looked when he was in the Fatui- it was so greatttt. The dark colors added onto his already dark brooding appearance, and his hat veil will be missed, rip. I want it back it looked amazing, crying.

To be frank, the rising was somewhat difficult to conclude. I was running back and forth Scorpio and Capricorn, but in the end I picked Aries🧍🏼‍♀️. Scaramouche is not afraid to say what’s on his mind, he’s quite opinionated and has an air of leadership around him. He does have the energy to fulfill his goals, which I believe also comes from this fire placement. He’s dedicated, intense, and not afraid to be independent and walk his own path. I think he can also be prone to jealousy.

P.s. Sorry it took so long, my lovelies! But Laura’s back ❤️

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meowsticmarvels · 1 year

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hello mcsm community. this is a repost of a long ass twitter thread i made so i apologize in advance if its formatted weird (and sort of disorganized). but heres some of my Thoughts and analysis on radar. i have much more to say than just this of course but HERE WE GO! radar insaneposting tumblr edition. long post incoming (i worked very hard on this)

ANYWAYS!

- he idolizes the new order and puts them on a pedestal above himself a bit. i mean from some dialogue it's clear he doesn't have the highest opinion of himself but he treats the new order smiliarly to how they felt about the old order in thw wither storm arc

- i have mentioned this several times but the "prison radar" thing definitely comes across to me as him trying to overcompensate (and mimic those he sees as "strong" like petra and jack) sort of. like if you contextualise it with how a lot of the characters called him weak an episode prior and it definitely seemed to have an impact on him its like. yeah. especially being thrown into a situation like w/ the sunshine institute and the whole iron breathtaker thing that has Got to fuck you up. idk i jusy see a lot of people take that at face value like "oh look he's being silly" when it comes across to me as more like insecurity ig?

- hes so autism its unreal

but yeah the whole thing kinda fucks him up

ig the only thing thay kinda bothers me is that arc doesnt feel finished. and also jesse can ENCOURAGW him to act like someone hes not??? OH AND. id like to point out this thing also involves him trying to break his own strict patterns which is p interesting to me. by this i mean the "disregard my bedtime! break whatever rules I feel like! within reason!" he seems to feel that in order to become stronf he has to be like. less caring of the rules w/e but the "within reason" line and the fact that he dislikes things being disorganized still is like. he doesnt Want to act like this. he doesnt seem to like thag but he feels iys the only way he can be strong and adapt to such a lifethreatening situation (to act like someone he clearly isnt)

another point id like to make is his relationship with Stella. it isnt really explored past this one scene in episode 2 of s2 but god there's a lot to unpack here

"you'll never change" - has stella... always been like this? even when radar worked under her (which HAS to be at least a year before s2 bc apparently he's been working for jesse for about a year)

also she calls him a "quitter" which. 1. has a negative connotation meaning that she Does Not Approve of him leaving 2. implies he quit of his own accord. this isn't normal former boss/former employee interaction though something definitely happened. like theyre both Weirdly Hostile and this is never brought up again....... ehat happened.

also "he doesn't even know how to use a sword" this part stuck out to me but Considering this thing i noticed a few months ago about how the mcsm world is very. survival oriented and people who can slay powerful monsters (i.e. old order) are looked at with high respect. so basically she's calling him weak here which is. Huh. also "you don't know anything" girl what happened.... why does radar feel he has to prove himself like that...

"id be careful about counting on him for anything" what did she mean by this. did radar fuck up in some way unintentionally and it pissed stella off or something??? because something clearly happened and im very sad this is never explored further bc this is a fucking interesting plot point.

also. the last image...... this is so fucking interesting regarding radar as a character because it does actually provide context for the whole prison radar thing. like holy shit this says a lot. the first line kinda shows his insecurity already. he's aware people don't believe in him and think he's weak and a coward, but he's going to try anyway. he feels he has to prove himself kinda.. like "you'll see! i can do it watch!" and considering his behavior in this episode it shows. he's overcompensating for that fear and trying to prove that he can be enough to make a difference. especially shown by how he reacts when "Vos" tells him he's not up for the task. he's trying, it isn't enough, so he decides to mimic his heroes and pretend to be someone he isn't (which... unfortunately half the cast doesn't take seriously)

the second line proves my points more. "im not the person she thinks i am anymore" raises a lot of questions on what happened ofc but there's also the "I can be different. Braver. If that's what the situation requires... I'll do it." and guess what! he *does* do that! a combination of pressure from people telling him that he can't do it and he'd just get hurt in the process and is too weak and cowardly to really do much + the stress of the situations he's thrust into seems to sort of catalyze his decision to put on the "prison radar" persona and pretend to mimic his heroes and act strong to not only make a difference and mean something but also to survive The Horrors . but he doesn't want to do this, that isn't who he is as a person, moreso what he feels he has to do. also thinking of pne line where he says something abojt the "incredible misery in the world crushing down on you". like this is a random throwaway line?? clearly the entire situation of s2 is Getting to him but he never really gets to Express that

now ofc like i mentioned this arc is in no way perfect. it's fucking interesting but it feels unresolved and forgotten by episode 5 along with the other characters completely ignoring the fact that that isn't who he is along with jesse even praising that in some dialogue options. like the writing of this kinda confuses me because everything radar says and feels up to that point implies that it's a façade built to be what others want him to be and as a stress response but some later things kinda treat the way he acts as a Good Thing and like ???? like i get it if they wanted to do the "being more courageous" arc sure. fine. but this doesn't seem like it was simply written as that. he does Not usually act like how he does during the "prison radar" thing and its just never addressed. which fucks me up bc this is personally one of my favorite character arcs of mcsm due to how complicated and insane it is + hes one of my favorite characters ever and i relate to his issues a lot but instead thw writings kinda ????? but yeah. its always bothered me really but to be Fair mcsm was hit by a lot of budget cuts that affected the plot like dont even get me started on the scrapped assistant to the warden who sesms to be meant to be the antithesis to radar kind of... and im p sure some episodes had different writers. so yeah this sucks but it isnt gonna piss me off that bad I just wish his arc was handled a bit differently. might potentially write something or w/e about this but anyways if you read this entire thread 1. you're insane 2. we do a little trolling. follow me mcsm truthers

original tweet thread here: https://twitter.com/rival_trevor/status/1659130820999753730?s=20

#mcsm #minecraft story mode #mcsm radar #radar mcsm #minecraft story mode radar #please reblog i worked very hard on this... im insan #also i am a radar autism truther #long post #character analysis

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2oosterr · 6 months

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▰▰ lt. eastwood [pg 2] ˎˊ-

ENHANCEMENT

[GRADE 2] Individual's physical strength increases with every injury sustained. Note that the severity of the injury affects the increments in which the individual’s strength increases.

▰▰

PERSONALITY

MBTI type - ESFP-T; Extroverted, Observant, Feeling, Prospecting, Turbulent.

A comedian through and through, Eastwood will never pass up an opportunity to make herself and others laugh, even in the most dire of situations. She takes a lot of joy in annoying others and pressing their buttons, something which her observance allows her to do very effectively.

The one thing Eastwood values the most in others, and herself, is courage – and in turn, those who are cowardly will always find themself on her bad side. It is her belief that if you can't stand up for what you believe in, you may as well have no beliefs at all; complacency is for the weak.

Beau follows her own path in life, regularly disobeying rules and her superiors in favour of doing what she believes to be right. Despite this, she is incredibly loyal and would do just about anything for the people she cares about. She has a strong sense of justice, and is willing to do things that are considered immoral to get to the outcome she deems to be 'right'.

Her capacity for empathy is limited by her antisocial personality disorder, which sometimes leads her to take things too far, but she isn't too egotistical to avoid apologising when she is in the wrong.

▰▰

BACKGROUND (tw; sa, child abuse & suicide mention)

September 17th, 1987, Beau was born to Carl and Ida Eastwood in the small town of Encampment, Wyoming, the second of their three children. From the very beginning, she was a problem child; always getting into fights with her older sister and her peers, being uncooperative with her parents, and being generally argumentative.

As she grew older, Beau noticed the way her mother would favour her older sister Carrie, and while her father was much less obvious – perhaps only because he was hardly ever home – it was clear that he too preferred her more well behaved sibling. After her brother Everett was born, when Beau was six, it became obvious that it wasn’t just a case of her parents not liking her, because they showed the same disinterest for Everett too. She disregarded their authority from the get go, but the favouritism made her lose any lingering respect she had for them. Deep down she knew it was her fault they didn’t like her, but she retaliated because of her brother.

Tensions between them only grew as she got older. Beau didn’t do well in school, her limited attention and frustrations with her home life leading her to become a troubled student, which predictably made things worse with her parents with every failed report card she brought home. Carl was a Governor, and her mother was very concerned with his reputation, and having a child with such poor performance reflected badly on him.

When she was ten, and had a GPA of 1.0, Ida hit her for the first time. At first, she didn’t fight back; part of her believed she deserved it, she already knew it was her fault they didn’t like her in the first place, but another part of her bottled up all the anger she felt, over and over again until it inevitably exploded a year later.

When Ida made the mistake of hitting Everett, that’s what pushed Beau over the edge. She fought back this time, attacking her mother with every ounce of pent up rage she’d been stifling for her whole childhood. It was bad enough to leave a scar on Ida's face from how hard she scratched her, but they kept it quiet – just like Beau thought they would. With how obsessed her parents were with keeping up appearances, she knew they wouldn't breathe a word of what happened to anyone, not even the doctors.

After that, her mother left her alone. Where before she had an intense dislike for Beau, now it seemed she feared what she had created. She uses this to her advantage, of course, leveraging Ida's fear to get what she wanted; be it a note to skip school, or cigarettes and the keys to the truck as she got older, and most importantly, protecting Everett from their parents' wrath.

She lost her tooth when she was 16; got into an argument with one of the school's football players and it escalated from there. He may have knocked out her tooth, but he went home with a broken arm and a bruised ego. Though it mostly remained unspoken, everyone in Encampment knew what Beau was capable of. Her classmates saw her bloodied knuckles, and while they didn't know who she was fighting, they knew to stay away from her.

It carried on like that until Beau graduated highschool – barely, with a 2.0 – and decided she was going to enlist in the military. What she wasn't expecting was for her parents to try and convince her to stay in Encampment; She assumed they just wanted to pretend they had some semblance of control over her, but it also made her think about Everett and how she couldn't just leave him alone with them. After a lot of arguing, they eventually managed to convince her to stay, compromising by promising her a job at the sheriff's office.

For three years she worked as an officer, taking up night shifts to minimise not only how much work she'd have to do, but also how often she'd encounter her parents, seeing as she still lived in their house. She didn't know when, and she didn't know how, but one day she'd use the money to get out of this town, and she'd take Everett with her.

It was 2008 by the time anything changed.

There was a girl, Anna, in the same grade as Beau. They'd never spoken, but Anna was known around town to be the kindest soul there was – quiet, but compassionate. She volunteered at the church in her free time, tutored the younger kids who had a hard time with school, fed the stray cats, the whole nine yards. Anna didn’t graduate, though, she killed herself a year before and nobody knew why.

Eastwood found out, through gossip from their coworkers, that it was Officer Steven Cline's fault. He'd assaulted Anna and the whole precinct knew, yet none of them ever did anything about it. They swept it under the rug and let an innocent girl die to protect their colleague.

Beau had always been an angry person, but this was on another level; where was the justice? Where was the fairness? Cline – all of them, they were cops, they were supposed to protect the community, not abuse their power over it. She decided, the day she found out, that she'd take justice into her own hands, since nobody else was willing to.

He was dead four days later. They found his body outside the sheriff's office, a bullet hole through his skull and his blood staining the sidewalk.

Eastwood didn't stick around to find out what they did about it. The same day she killed him, she returned home, left an envelope containing all the money she'd made in her three years of working in an envelope with her phone number under Everett's pillow, took the keys to her dad's truck, and skipped town.

After 21 years, she was finally free of that town. Free of her parents, free of everyone who thought they knew her, and though she regretted not taking Everett with her, she wasn't sure how he'd react to his sister being a murderer. She left him her number, so he could contact her if he ever wanted to; and she left him her money, so he could be free too.

It was only when she enlisted that she finally found out she was enhanced. It was a shock, both to her and the medical team running her tests, that she found out this late in life. Eastwood wasn't sure what exactly it meant at first, but she was just so excited to finally be doing what she wanted, the implications of the term 'conscription' went completely over her head.

It only hit her when they told her she'd have to be sterilised how serious it actually was. But this is what she'd always wanted, it didn't matter if she was conscripted, she would've joined the army anyway. So she took it in her stride and shipped out to the Marine Corps with her head held high.

She met Bianca 'Vantage' Roh not long after she joined. Of course, she'd gone around telling everybody she was enhanced, before she knew it wasn't a widely celebrated thing, so naturally Vantage sought her out as the only other enhanced member of their unit.

The two became fast friends, not only because of their enhancement, but because they were easily the best of their unit and both of them took great pleasure in making sure no-one ever forgot it. They were so similar in personality, good-humoured with the inability to take anything seriously, it was inevitable that they would be friends. Beau was a lot happier, and a lot less angry, now that she had a real friend.

Beau enjoyed the military like she thought she would, even with all the orders she had to follow, which she surprisingly had little issue with. She figured that since she was conscripted, that meant they couldn’t discharge her, no matter how insubordinate she was. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence for her to get disciplinaries for talking back or disobeying orders. She completed her objectives with ease, but she would always stray just far enough to put a few more grey hairs on her commanding officer's head.

A year goes by in relative normality before anything happens.

2010, she was taken as a prisoner of war. None of them saw it coming; one minute they were driving a convoy, the next they were waking up in a basement in god knows where. She could handle the dark, the cold, the pained cries of her comrades, but it was the waterboarding that broke her down. They held her face under a running stream, left her gasping for air, and submerged her head in a trough over and over and over, never leaving her enough time to recover before they'd start again.

Three weeks went by like that before she was able to escape. How she did it was a mystery to her at the time, but looking back, it's obvious it was her enhancement. She really though she was going to die that day, with water in her lungs and barely enough energy to function; but it's thanks to all her injuries that she managed to break the shackles that restrained her. Eastwood fought her way out of that basement with nothing but her fists – alone, because her comrades succumbed to the torture long before.

Those three weeks left her with PTSD so severe she couldn't even get her face wet in the shower without having flashbacks. It was difficult, going back to normal after something like that. Vantage helped her as much as she could, but there's only so much talking they could do before it stopped being helpful.

Everett called her for the first time two months after she got back. She put him down as her next of kin, so it makes sense that they contacted him when she was declared M.I.A.

He was angry at first, understandably, because he didn't understand how she could dissappear like that without saying anything, not even goodbye. Beau was hesitant to tell him the real reason she left, but she would rather he heard it from her than anyone else. It scared him, she could tell, but he didn't outright disown her, so she took that as a good sign.

They talked for hours that night, about everything she'd missed since she left. Everett used the money she left her and got a place in Jackson, he got a job at the theatre and he got free tickets sometimes, that he shared with his boyfriend, and he thought Beau would really like him.

It hurt, missing watching her brother grow into himself, but she was so happy for him she burst into tears on the phone.

After that, things got better again. It was easier knowing her little brother was doing okay, and that he still cared about her despite how she left things.

In 2011, the base their unit was stationed at got a visit from a decorated Navy captain. It's the most interesting thing that's happened in years so of course, everyone was talking about it from the moment her helicopter touched down. She asked for Eastwood and Vantage by name, and at first Beau thought it was because they were in trouble, that maybe what she did in Encampment finally caught up to her, but those worries were quickly put to rest. The captain introduced herself as Orca, the commander of a PMC for enhanced individuals, and offered them both jobs.

Eastwood liked the captain from the moment she first opened her mouth. She could tell they were kindred spirits from the way she insulted their commanding officer in the first sentence she spoke to him. She didn't take more than a second to take the offer, she didn't even bother to read the contract before she signed her name and handed it back. Vantage easily followed suit, and within the day they were flying back to Texas in the back of Orca's helicopter.

The OSOD gave them more freedom than Beau imagined she'd ever get. They didn't have to follow grooming regulations, so when finally dyed her hair like she'd always wanted to; And Orca, she was just as much a friend as she was their Captain. Perhaps Beau was thinking too wishfully, but the OSOD felt more like home – more like family – than anything else she'd felt in her entire life.

▰▰

FUN FACTS

She can play the entirety of 'Free Bird' on electric guitar, including the solo – and she will take every opportunity to show this off.

She wears both the mask and the goggles for aesthetic purposes only, not because she wants to hide her face. She just thinks they look cool.

She was emo in highschool (she still is, she just doesn't look it anymore).

▰▰

#oc: eastwood

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seraphtrevs · 1 year

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Just a few musings - I know you’ve mentioned the headcanon (supported by Tony Dalton himself) that Lalo was expected to be the educated Salamanca and went to university in the States, but how do you think he felt about it? While he’s clearly a very intelligent man he doesn’t strike me as the conventionally academic sort and I can see him spending all his college years socialises at the expense of his studies. I especially like the idea that as part of his well rounded education he was expected to learn multiple languages but with the exception of English (since as you mentioned his mum might have been American) he never picked up one. But he probably still breaks into nonsense French or Latin any time he wants to sound smart.

You can definitely argue that - this is one of those issues that's really on the outside of canon because we don't know enough about Lalo to know how he would feel about school. It's possible he didn't take it seriously - I mean, he doesn't seem to take anything that seriously, not even getting shot in the throat. I hadn't considered the idea that he was chosen by the family to be the one who got an education, which I really like - there's a lot of potential there.

But my highly personal head canon (to be taken with a grain of salt!) is that he did well in school. I also think he wanted to go and went to school in spite of the Salamancas. Salamancas don't seem big on strategy - it's all brute force with them, "Salamanca muscle." I'm not sure if they'd value a college education, particularly since it would involve Lalo being away for several years when he could be learning the drug trade. (But again, I could definitely be talked into the idea that the family realized that by some miracle, they somehow got a Smart kid, and decided to make the most of it by sending him to get some book learnin'.)

So I think he wanted to go, either for himself or to please his gringa mother who wanted him to have some connection with the US. And maybe it was a mildly rebellious thing for him to do - like, if you're from a family of criminals, doing something respectable is the way you'd thumb your nose at your family.

As for partying, while Lalo doesn't shy away from it, he really seems happiest when he has something to puzzle over. He's charming at Eladio's party, but that's wheeling and dealing more than him enjoying himself. He plays poker with his underlings, but that seemed more like a way to get to know who he was working with (like how he christens Ocho Loco - it was more interesting for him to learn about the kind of guy Domingo was than it was for him to win). He also loves to drive fast cars, like when he has Nacho take him to the track, but I get the sense that the real fun for him is tinkering around with the engine, which is more about fixing a problem than an adrenaline rush.

The moments he really seems to be enjoying himself, to me, are when he's doing his detective work. Look at the whole "Werner Ziiiieegler" scene in 5x01 - his whole "what's he up to, man? What's he doing?" doesn't seem frustrated to me - he's got a big smile on his face, excited the game is afoot. This doesn't necessarily mean that he'd like school, but to me it shows that he's more of a brainy guy than a party boy like Tuco.

I've said before that I think of him as a Classics major, because I think he would identify with the larger-than-life figures and bloody history, but also the philosophy. Because I think philosophy would also be a good major for him (and uh, it's actually going to come up later in my current Lacho WIP 👀). I like this idea because you can work Tony's yin-yang tattoo into Lalo's character if he has an interest in philosophical traditions. (I think I'll make a separate post about Lalo and philosophy because this is already so long, as usual lol)

#lalo salamanca #better call saul #asks

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anytimebitchess · 1 year

Note

top 5 books and/or movies?

Thank you for asking Swaggy 💖

I gonna give you both!

Books:

I read quite many book from different genres, so it’s difficult for me to really pick, so I’m just gonna list my fav books by women, because why not?

(In no particular order)

Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin

This a sci-fi book from the 1969 and was banned for quite some time due to its questioning on binary concepts of gender. It is a feminist anthropological science fiction novel. It was recommended to me by my former professor. It is a groundbreaking work of science fiction, about a human emissary to a winters planet whose inhabitants can change their genders. His mission is to convince the inhabitants to be a part of the growing intergalactic civilization. The planets politics aren’t extremely interesting, as they didn’t value things that are material (masculine/patriarchal) like weapons, money or power.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

Jane is the first fictional character that I relate to on so many levels. I am sure this book opened something inside of me. This is also the only book that made me cry for hours, even days, but that’s due to it touching me greatly.

The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden

Book with another character that I strongly relate to. It’s also about a very interesting time of the 14th century Russia. The sorry is told rather like a fairytale, yet grounded in reality. I’m not really a fan of historic fiction, but this one has just this good mix of fantasy/reality. It’s a must read during winter. The characters are complex but really well written. Very captivating and enchanting story.

Shatter Me series (especially Ignite Me) by Tahereh Mafi

Aaron Anderson Warner. Do I have to say more? He’s my book husband. No man could ever compete with him. He is superior. He is the blue print to all of my book boyfriends. I hope my future partner would understand that if Warner would come alive..sorry to my partner, but I’ve made my choose loooong time ago. I don’t think you can comprehend my love for this man.

Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Ride

There is no dull moment in this book. I would take this book to the grave. I don’t think you understand how much I love Evelyn’s character. It’s phenomenal, spectacular, outstanding, never been done before. Nothing negative to say about this book, NOTHING!

Honorable mention:

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath (couldn’t not include it)

Movies:

There are so many I want to add but I sticked with ones that moved me in some way after watching them.

Interstellar by Christopher Nolan

This is probably my all time fav move. Hands down! I love astrophysics and this movie is a great introduction for it. I’m a sucker for movies about interstellar travel and have science in it and a good plot. The scientific accuracy in this movie is just something that I respect. I’ve watched this movie so many times and it just makes me cry ever damn time. Also I would watch anything Nolan makes. AND the Soundtrack…Hans Zimmer took his whole out and created a spectacular soundtrack. I also just love watching stuff about time being irrelevant.

Before Sunrise by Richard Linklater

I want what Jesse and Celine have. It’s a movie about human connections and soulmates. Meeting strangers randomly and them being an extremely significant person in their life, even though they would never meet again. It’s a movie about what love really is. Strangers who express their most intimate feelings through conversation during only day they get to spent time together. It’s truly a masterpiece.

Eat, Pray, Love by Ryan Murphy

It’s not maybe a cinematic masterpiece, but I like the story of a woman trying to heal herself from a severe emotional and spiritual crisis. There are few quotes from the movie that I like to listen to feel better whenever I’m in a crisis.

The Geographer Drank His Globe Away by Alexander Veledinsky

It’s a Russian comedy about a geography teacher that is actually a biologist with a mid-life crisis and his ordinary life.

Mother by Darren Aronofsky

I watched this movie in the cinema and though “What the fuck did I just watch?” and everyone at the end started laughing about how buzzard it is. But then I though about it and realized what it was actually about, and not I love it!

The Pianist by Roman Polanski (I know, I know)

I love classical music, especially piano pieces and the story of Władysław Szczypman is very touching, especially for someone who has Polish roots. It’s a sad movie about survival against oppression, which is visceral and detailed in the movie. The redemptive power of music and the good of humanity that makes the movie.

Honorable mention: any comedy with Louis de Funes + the James Bond franchise

#get to know nat!

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appears · 2 years

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AUDIENCE

It's Ayumi Hamasaki's birthday on October 2 and we're extending the celebration in true ego-maniacal, splashy celebrity fashion, by drawing out the festivities for an entire week! Each day I will briefly discuss a totally random item chosen (not by me) from my Ayu collection. Prepare for praise, disappointment, and controversial opinions backed by love and respect as we take a casual look back in this blurry snapshot of her career. Happy Birthday to our Party Queen, Ayumi Hamasaki!

We have another classic Ayu single here with "AUDIENCE," released in its subsequent vinyl version on Avex’s Rhythm Republic sub-label only a month after the CD maxi-single version. Chronologically, this single came right after the simultaneous drop of the SURREAL maxi-single, and her third original studio album, Duty, two months earlier in the fall of 2000. The song was originally included on said album, but though it may seem like an anomaly for Ayumi to have released a single after its album release, she had actually already done this before when she released both album tracks "kanariya" and "Fly high" as maxi-singles within two months of the release of LOVEppears. All the more for us maxi-single, dance music lovers!

"AUDIENCE" has become a fan favorite since its release, often saved during concert tours for the high-energy back-end of performances. This vinyl version includes three cuts off of the original single: "Keith Litman's Big City Club Mix" on Side A, and the "Dave Ford Mix" on side B, along with the "Sample MadnesS remix" of "SURREAL" by producer Eboman. The Keith Litman version on the vinyl is an original mix exclusive to the format, as the mix on the maxi-single is the shorter "Radio Mix." There is also a longer, extended mix of this included on the EP excerpts from ayu-mi-x III CD005. His remix is quite good, and appropriately "club-y," but doesn't stand out in any particular way.

The mix by Dave Ford is startlingly similar to what we know as the original version of this song, with very subtle, yet hugely impactful, differences. Dave Ford mixed singles and albums for several Avex Trax, and other J-pop, artists (Namie Amuro, Dream, Every Little Thing, Favorite Blue, move, Rina Chinen, T.M.Revolution, my God the list goes on), remix compilations, and other Ayu singles (including mixing the "AUBE Original Mix" of "Boys & Girls," the version that appears on LOVEppears, and tracks on the A maxi-single.).

He is an incredibly, and near criminally, underrated engineer in global pop music and was one of the reasons that Avex Trax artists always sounded incredible, with a knack for bringing out the bustling, maximalist energy of a record and making it as full and warm and just about to blow out of your speakers as it deserved to sound. In my opinion, Dave Ford has helped shape the modern, specifically 90s-early 00s, technical soundscape of Japanese pop music, and certainly that of Avex Trax’s particular brand, nearly as much as Tetsuya Komuro did for style and melody, but he never gets mentioned. In fact, the two often appeared on the same liner notes, with Dave Ford mixing dozens of records, including hitomi and trf, as far back as 1994 (”WOW WAR TONIGHT”? That was him). Here, he brings the fun and richness to a song like "AUDIENCE," a song that with its relentless synths, energetic BPM, and wall-to-wall density imitating the rush and euphoria of being in a crowd seems more like a LOVEppears holdover than something off of the more restrained, cool Duty. It's an incredible song and I'm glad it got its time to shine on its own release. Mostly, I’m glad Dave Ford was a part of it, because it would have been a very different song without him -- you can pick up on t just by the way the energy of it makes you feel it when listening to it side-by-side to the slightly more conservative Duty version). Certainly, his absence has been felt at the same time TK stopped being top dog and the sun set on this particular sonic era.

The value of having large record sleeves really comes in handy with this single: the cover art features dozens of pictures of Ayumi dressed up as different "fans" that comprise an entire audience. No two shots are alike, and it's really neat to see all of the different images clearly without having to use a magnifying glass with the CD sleeve. In terms of jacket sleeves, this is one of her best and showcased just how much effort, time, and thought was put into them back then (the rainbow gradient is not just visually interesting, it’s also deliberate). I've written about a lot of early Ayu releases, but it's worth repeating: this is both a genuinely iconic, great song, and an indispensable piece of her discography. But also: give credit to whom it’s due.

#ayu #ayumi hamasaki #j-pop

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wyrmhaven · 3 months

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Session #2

Feb 21, 2023

Professor Sharpbeak continues, telling Class A about the class she will be teaching them that semester Magic Auras will be about basic magic and will be their first guard against illusion magic Doya looks around as she talks, and sees a mixture of students paying attention and not doing so Professor Sharpbeak mentions that the talent festival will be in July, and a fieldtrip in several weeks She recommends that the students work in groups for their first year She offers to track groups on a board in the front of the classes, and offers a reward for the group that does the best She goes back to talking about the fieldtrip The fieldtrip will be for the Arcano-botany class, and will take place in a part of the Witherbloom Demiplane called the Sedgemoor, which is also used as the Detention Bog She goes on to explain that each house has a dedicated demi-plane located somewhere in the tower For example the talent show will occur in the Silverquill demi-plane Before the class concludes, the professor asks the class to vote for a class representative When several students raise their hands, she asks for each one to speak their case Rampart speaks about his love of guilds and the honor that he will bring Quentillius Antiphiun Melentor III talks about himself Rubina talks about helping people achieve their ambitions Angelika tells the class that they need a leader that's better than them, and that's her Zoey offers to help the class enjoy school and meet their goals, even if it's nothing Based on a class vote, it's a three-way tie between Angelika, Rubina, and Zoey The three are asked to come debate in front of the class Angelika sends Angelique in her place After the debate, Rubina wins! The three girls that laughed at Doya, who are called The Angels, glare at Rubina Professor Sharpbeak reminds the students to wear their tranquillizer bracelets for everyone's safety As class is dismissed, she tells Carmilla and White that they need to go to the faculty offices She tells Doya, Greta, Javenesh, and Rampart that they need to go a different office The rest of the class are free to go to the cafeteria for lunch As Doya and the other students group together travel, Doya wonders why they were separated and whether it's a good thing or not Rampart hopes that it doesn't involve his equipment, since he values it greatly The students discuss what they could be called in for As they enter the office, they see few other students, including a fairy with a relatively giant axe The teachers there tell the students that they were brought in because they had low proficiency with magic, and assure the students that they want to help They offer each of the students a bracelet that could slot in gems that could store spells The ones stronger than a cantrip would disintegrate on use, but would be rewarded for doing well at classes Each of the students are given a gem based on their prospective dragon house, and sent to go get lunch Meanwhile, Carmilla and White reach the faculty offices, and spilt off to their respective offices White enters an empty office with two chairs A human woman enters, and offers him tea

She asks who he is, and introduces herself as the Lorehold Keeper of Order, Augusta Tullus White is surprised he was given a guardian, especially one of such high rank Lorekeeper Tullus admits that she's surprised to be assigned as one too She asks that he avoid getting in trouble, and to be prepared to learn She tells him that the college teaches history through spirits of the deceased, and offers to get some special spirits if that is something he is interested in She also mentions that those in Lorehold can easily get access to treasure if they so desire White declines that offer, thanks her for her time, and leaves Meanwhile, Carmilla enters a pitch black room As she sits in a chair, she spots two glowing red eyes The figure demands that Carmilla explain herself Carmilla asks if she is in trouble The figure confirms that she is not, and this is about her legal status as a student The figure reveals himself to be an ancient looking wizard with claw-like nails and fangs He introduces himself as the Witherbloom Dean of Decay and professor of reanimation, Valentin Kol He tells Carmilla that he is to be her guardian, and offers her only respect or terror based on how she behaves She asks if he is a real vampire He jump scares her and confirms that she is She asks about blood He tells her that city doesn't take kindly to feeding on humanoids, but the school does offer animal blood She asks about her age He tells her that the information can be scryed for her, and offers to have that information given to her He warns her that he must be let into her room if he needs to, and then sends her off to lunch Meanwhile, Rin and Zoey find a busy cafeteria Rin consumes Zoey goes to talk to Drazhomir, and finds him sitting with a warforged named Balfrog She checks on him since he seemed nervous on his first day He comments that she was brave for volunteering to be class representative She admits to not knowing what that is He mentions being roommates with Melwythorne Rin puts his money where his mouth is and gets more food Carmilla arrives, and gets some food and some blood She gives her food to Rin before trying to sit on her own Doya arrives, and goes to sit near Carmilla She tries to throw a carton of milk at Zoey, and hits Drazhomir instead She apologizes, and then drags Zoey over to Carmilla's table She ends up causing a scene trying to slide into the booth after Carmilla blocks the way She shows off her spell bracelet

White goes to talk to Rubina, congratulating her on being class representative and warning her about the Angels Doya shows off her magic ability by summoning a chair The party discuss what happened to Carmilla and White The conversation shifts to clubs, and which ones they were wanting to join Doya states that she's going to be a cheerleader, and stresses how they're always the most popular, and the importance of popularity She assures the group that she's always been popular at all the schools she's been in Carmilla and White doubt As the group leaves the cafeteria, Carmilla warns Aurora about her guardians possibly needing to access their room The group goes to the common room, and finds a massive room filled with students and all forms of entertainment, including a television Rin gravitates to the TV Doya loses a coin to the vending machine Carmilla and Nicollin talk, and Carmilla learns that he is an energy vampire that feeds on the energy and negative emotions of people She siccs Nicollin on Doya She goes to recruit Rin to help Rin suggests that she use a second coin to free the first and potentially get a second drink The two go back to the machine to find Nicollin blocking the way After frustrating the two, he leaves Rin's technique works, and Doya gets two drinks! Meanwhile, Carmilla warns Zoey about Nicollin Zoey asks about Carmilla's blood situation, and asks if she needs some Carmilla says yes before scurrying off to talk to Sunny She explains that she's technically part of the Sierreverde family, and learns that her "dad" was Sunny's cousin She asks that she not be associated with the family at all He wonders if she's just trying to butter him up, and is relieved when she genuinely wants no part of the family Meanwhile, Doya and Rin talk to a kid dressed like a superhero, with a chicken in a similar outfit He introduces himself as Maxwell AKA Captain Cosmos, and the chicken as Starlight the Wonder Chicken He is delighted that the two recognize him as a superhero Meanwhile, Zoey goes to a corner with some plushies and several students One of them, named Dawn, chats with Zoey Another, the fairy with axe whose name is Prism, fights a large plush bear She asks Zoey to deal with the bear while she goes to get some water Zoey is crushed by the bear She is rescued by Haruharu and another shitari girl Haruharu introduces the other shitari as Egao, and explains that they are roommates Egao and Zoey trade compliments That evening, White explores the campus He encounters a centaur tending to the grounds and learns that her name is Yedora Time passes, and classes begin! The Magical Physiologies class is taught by Veyran, a genasi who is passionate about her lessons about monsters The Arcaon-botany clas is taught by Verelda Lang, an oralis who is excited about plants The Beginning Computational Magic class is taught be Adrix and Nev, identical twins who swap out constantly during class The Inkomancy class is taught by Rina Umezawa, a shitari with a soothing voice and a joy for calligraphy The Archeomancy class is taught by Loremaster Tullus, who has statues help teach during classes She shows the class a pearl that contains the spirit of a warrior named Lylia the Blade Reforged Lylia spars with a few students, including Zoey The PE class is taught by Nadia Doya comments that she's doomed because she's the same age as the students The week passes, and the club fair arrives!

Carmilla seeks out the Theater club, and finds Rubina there She asks Rubina for more backstage work at first She gives Quentillius Antiphiun Melentor III some pained compliments Doya seeks out the Cheerleading squad, and puts on a show trying to impress them She then seeks out The Angels, and comments that they're going to bein the cheerleading squad The Angels point out that her halo is crooked She counters that Angelika's is too, just at a different angle She reintroduces herself as Doya, and assures them that she'll be at the top of the pyramid Rin and White go to show up for the Math club They meet Larksann there, who is flustered when she finds out that Zoey said nice things about her They also meet Zimone, an upperclassman who explains how the club is about solving problems and dissecting reality Rin follows his nose to the Culinary club, where the chef is handing out samples Puffcap takes a sample Anjarika uses Rin's head as a table to sign up for the club Rin also encounters Sunny there, and the two agree not to talk about each other's powerful families Meanwhile, Zoeyu goes to sign up for Silkball, and sees Tilana, another girl from their class, signing up Ryonia, the girl who held the gymnastics tryouts, also signs up for Silkball Zoey then goes to sign up for the Cute Familiars club, and finds Rosimy signing up as well The two talk about clubs, and how many there are Ethel pushes the two out of the way to sign up for the familiars club That night, Carmilla goes back to her room and finds a paper on her bed, with a note stating that it contains her birthday and last name as scryed by the school

#summaries #2 #dnd #strixhaven

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animeomegas · 3 years

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Kinktober - Day 6

[V (Mystic Messenger) + Toys]

Summary: Somehow the existence of your rather extensive toy collection becomes known to a largely inexperienced V. Well, after tonight, he won’t be as inexperienced with toys. Dom!Alpha!reader.

Warnings: alcohol mention, abandonment issues mention.

“So, how does it feel to be another year older?”

You and V were attending Zen’s birthday party together and you’d only just now, several hours in, had a moment to congratulate Zen personally. He was always Mr. Popular, but tonight especially so.

Zen sighed dramatically at your question, just as you expected him to.

“I thought I’d have a girlfriend by now,” he pouted, hand over his heart. “But alas, another year with only my adoring fans to keep me going.”

You rolled your eyes while V gave a chuckle from his place standing next to you.

“Well then,” you glanced over towards the huge pile of presents sitting at the gift table. “You’d better hope one of them is a fleshlight if you’re that lonely.”

Zen choked on his beer, his eyes darting to V for automatically. Zen was normally very hesitant to use crude or dirty language around omegas (especially one he respected as much as V), but the alcohol induced relaxed state seemed to win and before long he was barking out a laugh and punching you lightly on the shoulder.

V remained silent while you and Zen bantered back and forth, and even after the conversation had wrapped up. You took that as a sign to excuse you both from the party to head home and rest. So, with one more ‘happy birthday’ thrown in Zen’s direction, you left to the car park.

V continued to remain silent on the drive home too and you figured he must be tired. Very large groups of people, loud music and drinking wasn’t really his scene.

But then, as you were about a minute from your house, V opened his mouth to share what had been on his mind.

“What’s a fleshlight?”

…

Which brought you up to now.

V was propped up against the headboard of your bed, naked and watching you rummage around in a box in your half of the wardrobe. He seemed mostly relaxed, nudity didn’t bother him, (as he’d told you once before, the human body was beautiful and nothing to feel uncomfortable about) but he was clearly curious about what you were doing.

Curiosity was what got him into this situation, so you weren’t particularly surprised.

“Does it hurt?” V broke the silence, eyes focused on the cylinder in your hand as you walked back to the bed.

“No,” you smiled, shaking your head. “It should feel really good, but I’ll use lots of lube to make doubly sure, okay?”

“Okay,” V nodded. “I trust you. I want you to be able to do something you enjoy. I didn’t know you liked things like this.”

You coughed awkwardly. His tone wasn’t accusatory at all, but you couldn’t help but feel a little guilty that you hadn’t disclosed the existence of your toy collection with him. You had just been embarrassed and sure that V wouldn’t be interested with how often he cited skin-on-skin contact and intimacy as his favourite part of sex.

“I may not be used to things like this, but I want to make you happy.”

“I want you to be happy too,” you countered, running a gentle hand down the side of his face. You were still working on getting V to value himself as much as he valued other people. “It’s just as important that you’re also having fun, and if you’re not, then it won’t be fun for me anyway.”

“I’m sure it’ll be good,” V smiled, bringing his own hand up to rest on yours. “Just tell me what I need to do.”

You couldn’t help but marvel for a moment at how innocent V could be sometimes. He wasn’t a virgin when you’d met, but he’d done nothing but the most basic ‘five minutes under the covers, pitch black, missionary’ sex. Not long into your relationship, V had warned you that he wasn’t that interested in sex, nor did he have a high sex drive. But after your first time together, it quickly became apparent that, yes, his sex drive was fairly low, but that he actually enjoyed sex very much, he’d just never had good sex before.

Keeping in mind that the intimacy of sex was something he especially enjoyed, you leant in and gave him a small peck on the lips and a smile that was quickly returned.

“I’m going to get the fleshlight ready now,” you explained for his benefit before uncapping the lube and pouring a generous amount in just as you’d promised and moving downwards on the bed to sit by his hips. “Ready?”

V nodded, and with one little kiss to the tip of his cock for luck, you slipped the fleshlight on, the lube allowing V to bottom out easily.

V gasped sharply at the new sensation and, watching his reactions closely, you slowly moved it up and down, twisting it around occasionally, being careful not to let him slip out.

“Hmm,” V closed his eyes, humming at the pleasant sensation. You could see his thighs tense and then relax periodically, head sinking into the pillow. “It does feel good.”

“It does,” you agreed, continuing the steady pace and pattern.

After a minute or two, you shifted little back up the bed so that you could stroke V’s hair while you continued using the fleshlight on him. V lived for softness and so of course you endeavoured to give him that in spades.

“Have you ever used this before?” V asked quietly, breaking you from your thoughts.

“Yes,” you admitted. “I’ve used lots of toys before… Would you be interested in trying another one tonight? I know you find it difficult to finish with just this kind of stimulation.”

“What sort of toy?” V asked, face open and non-judgemental. You loved him so much.

“It’s a vibrating dildo… but it’s really small, I promise! Excellent for beginners! And you don’t have to of course, it was just a suggest-“

“Okay,” V cut you off simply.

“’Okay?” you repeated. “Okay! Great, let me grab it.”

You slipped the fleshlight off him for a moment while you grabbed the dildo with speed you didn’t know you possessed.

The dildo was small enough that you could easily slip it inside him with the help of some more lube. V tensed when you first slipped it in, but he relaxed shortly afterward. Although, looking up at him, you could tell he wasn’t sold on the feeling yet. That didn’t surprise you much; he’d always enjoyed the skin-on-skin part of sex very much. Still, you figured his tune may change after you turned it on.

A few seconds later, you had the little vibrator pressed up lightly against V’s prostate, but just as you were about to turn it on, you paused. The vibrator only had one setting, and that setting was pretty intense… you didn’t want to overwhelm your mate.

You decided to move back up the bed, remote in hand, so that you could hold V when you turn it on. He’d probably appreciate some support with how new this was to him.

“This… might be a lot, are you ready?”

“I’m ready,” V answered, voice steady. “I know I’ll be okay as long as you’re here with me.”

Your heart warmed at his words.

“I’ll always be here for you,” you promised, kissing him lightly on top of the head.

And, with V’s approval, you turned on the vibrator.

Immediately, the sounds of the vibrations filled the room, hardly muffled by its position inside V. V yelped, losing his composure and confidence immediately and reaching out to grab for you, fisting his hands in your top.

“You’re okay,” you hushed him. “I’m right here, try to relax.”

His toes curled and his legs spasmed out as if searching for something to grip on to.

“Don’t- don’t leave,” V begged between the harsh panting and whining. His face was flushed and hot to the touch as he writhed on the bed, untucking one corner of the sheet with his erratic jerking.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you promised firmly, keeping a solid grip on him in hopes that it would help ground him. He had given no indication that he wanted you to stop, but as it was his first time with such a toy, you figured you should end this sooner rather than later. “I’m going to use the fleshlight on you again, is that okay?”

V whined but nodded against your shoulder where he had currently buried his head.

“I’m close, though,” he mumbled against you.

“Don’t worry, my love, you can cum whenever you like.”

It took only five pumps for V to reach his climax.

You knew immediately when he reached his peak because all the little noises he had been making suddenly ceased, his breath being stolen by the wave of pleasure. His eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth was open in a silent scream as he filled the fleshlight. It was a little tricky to keep your hold on him as he spasmed, kicking his legs out and arching his back against you.

You opened your mouth to say something comforting or maybe sexy, but you couldn’t find the words, too entranced by V’s erotic performance.

Eventually, his movements calmed into shivers and you turned off the vibrator before he entered the territory of overstimulation. That would be too many new experiences in one night.

V let out a little whine as you shifted him from your shoulder to laying back on the bed, his eyes shooting open immediately. He tried to sit up when he saw that you were moving.

“Relax, Jihyun,” you whispered, pushing him gently back onto the bed. “I’m just going to remove the toys, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

With your reassurances in mind, he did indeed settle back down, but his eyes remained firmly fixed on you the whole time. V had some pretty bad abandonment issues, although he wouldn’t admit that or seek help for them, so he could get a bit antsy if you moved away from him in certain more vulnerable moments. For that reason, you removed the toys swiftly and placed them aside to be cleaned later.

You moved back to V, something he welcomed with a smile, and you pushed back his damp fringe from his forehead. You continued these calming ministrations until his forehead suddenly crinkled under your palm.

“You haven’t cum yet,” he said like he was offended by the very prospect. He pushed himself up and moved his hands to your crotch.

“Not tonight,” you denied, pushing his hands away and trying to get him to lay back down. “I’ll be fine.”

“But-

“No buts, Jihyun, you’re exhausted, it’s time for cuddles.”

He opened his mouth to argue, but you slid in next to him and covered you both with the duvet before he could properly protest. V reluctantly gave in and made himself comfy in your hold. Silence fell over the room for a moment.

“I love you,” V says sincerely.

You almost teared up at the surge of emotion that his words inspired in you. Everything about him was so passionate and sincere.

“I love you, too.”

#kinktober #dom reader #dom!reader #v #mystic messenger #jihyun kim #n-sfw #omega v #alpha reader #a/b/o #omegaverse #reader insert #alpha mc #dom mc

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balillee · 3 years

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tommy's character gets far too much shit.

hi tumblr. i'm gonna need a few bitches to spread this post everywhere, essentially because i want someone, or just tommy really, to see it. so if you really want, you can screenshot it and post it on twitter, reddit, link it everywhere - go absolutely buck wild. i know he reads the VODS comments a lot, but they're chock full of people just insulting him, his character, his writing and everything about his story in the dream smp simply because they don't understand it and because they refuse to acknowledge his character's perspective (mainly because they only care about the pig). reading that many critical comments on something you've created can only make you feel worse about it eventually, and in light of all the awful techno apologist takes on his character, i wanted to basically just word vomit about how wonderfully crafted c!tommy is, as well as compile some other tumblr posts about his character.

there is a massive fuckin community of people who enjoy the character of tommy, because the character is incredible. i myself have made post after post after post commenting on and analysing tommy's character because i find that there's so much to pick apart. but that enthusiasm for his character only seems to be found on tumblr. reddit and twitter seem to hate his character, the VODS seem to be filled with comments from people who only care about techno's perspective (and treat techno as a reliable narrator, which, is the furthest thing from the truth - that guy lies through his teeth all the time), and the smp wiki is a hellscape of godawful takes and mistruths, not even on just tommy's character.

c!tommy is brilliantly acted and brilliantly written, and almost everything he does is either justifiable or has been rectified or admitted as a mistake. you can clearly make connections as to where he got his conclusions from. you feel what his character experiences, as a member of the audience, vividly.

if you look in the more objective sense, c!tommy, and this is especially in the context of him being the youngest character, is a scapegoat. people claim he's awful and destructive when in reality he's a lot less destructive than most characters on the server. a moment that comes to mind is where he diverts schlatt and quackity's attention from pogtopia by breaking part of the flag in manberg, and then replacing it so as to buy tubbo some time - he literally monologues after it about how he doesn't want to destroy but instead rebuild, and how he feels as if nobody else seems to understand that.

his arc in season two was incredible. it was very character driven, and it gave a spotlight to his motivations. at the start we see him in new l'manberg, and he's enjoying his time there, he's skeptical of his friend's presidency, but his main goal is to get back the discs so that he can stop dream and eliminate that threat. he made one screw up that didn't even matter to george, and he paid for it tenfold, even after dream had spent a while with puffy griefing the server and framing it on tommy - what tommy and ranboo did was convinient. then, in exile, we see c!tommy straight up get abused. he's gaslit and conditioned into being c!dream's friend, and in his brain he teaches himself that those acts of abuse are moments of bonding, and it eventually brings him to the point of wanting to end his own life - he's been torn away from his friends and his support system, and nobody will visit him consistently anymore because they only showed him pity, and all he had left was dream, who had hurt him.

but he doesn't die there, because while he didn't understand the full gravity of it back then like he does now, he recognises that dying isn't an escape, and he can beat dream, even if he doesn't know how. so this is where he goes to techno's place, and here's where the fandom starts to misinterpret the situation wildly.

it's the problem similar to when your parents tell you that they're owed something back because you put a roof over their head, despite that being Not How It Works. techno took tommy in and severely mistreated him emotionally. sure, and i understand this, c!techno is a bad communicator who isn't really that empathetic to anyone who isn't phil or wilbur, but that doesn't excuse the blatant lying to c!tommy's face, the guilt tripping, the friendship buying and the degrading. the day before the festival, tommy finally does something violent in his interrogation of fundy, and only then does techno tell him,,,,

that tommy's not equal to him, that techno doesn't respect him all that much, and that they're not friends.

from techno's perspective, and at the time, this was viewed as a positive development in their relationship. oh, he's starting to warm up to tommy! this friendship could really blossom!

no. from a more objective standpoint, what techno has just said to tommy is : 'i respect you only a little bit more now, because while you're starting to act more like me, you're still annoying and a burden.'

and i haven't even touched on the whole 'erasing the words 'Destroy L'manberg' from techno's to-do list' thing, because that instantly refutes the point of 'techno was upfront with his intentions the whole time' - because he wasn't! he may have said it the first time, but you also know what else he did? he repeatedly told tommy that they'd 'air the details out later' whenever the discs were brought up, and from a tommy viewer's perspective at the time, it was framed as if techno was no longer going to do that.

and i also haven't dared touch the 'i would have fought them all for you', because that's major guilt tripping if ever i've seen it.

so, the day of the festival comes, and here's where c!techno and his apologists completely misread c!tommy's thought process, and why he makes the decision he does.

tommy instantly regrets valuing the discs over tubbo, and it's framed as the culmination of tommy having become all the people he said he would never want to be like. and what does he immediately do? he tells tubbo to give up the disc, and he sides with tubbo. he puts his value in his friends, and, by proxy, l'manberg. and when he betrays techno, he tells him 'i'm sorry'.

from a more objective standpoint, tommy's time with techno is him valuing the discs over almost anything else. so, in leaving techno to be with tubbo again, he is valuing people above the discs. so when, on doomsday, techno says his 'discs aren't people' line, what he doesn't realise is that he himself fueled tommy's valuing of discs above people when attempting to fuel tommy's vengeance against tubbo and l'manberg. techno doesn't realise that he was an unhealthy presence for tommy, and an even worse influence.

what techno also doesn't seem to understand is that tommy never hated tubbo or l'manberg - tommy recognises, now at least, that his exile wasn't a product of tubbo, but a product of dream's manipulation, likely in part because at the time, especially with dream lying about tommy blowing up the community house, tommy was the only one who could see it because he had experienced it firsthand. so when techno sides with dream, it's like kicking tommy in the teeth.

and i want to mention that betraying someone doesn't necessarily make the person who was betrayed good, or in the right, or even justified, because tommy was entirely justified to leave techno. you know who else was betrayed? schlatt. but i don't see many schlatt apologists around angry at quackity for joining the rebellion.

tommy stole the axe of peace? good. it was a moment of tommy defining his self-worth, instead of having it defined by others. gone is the age of c!techno belittling him and deciding how much c!tommy should be respected. NEXT!

here's a moment i wanted to talk about that will forever be funny to me.

'i am a person.'

techno's very famous line from doomsday. techno says to tommy that discs aren't people, and that tommy should value people, despite not understanding that by leaving techno, he did just that. and what does tommy say in return, which has been omitted from every c!tommy-critical analysis, and every animatic?

'yes you are, but so are we.'

an acknowledgement of techno's hurt, to which tommy has already apologised for. a statement that says 'your hurt does not excuse, nor justify, the hurt you have inflicted onto us.' an acknowledgement that tommy has already learnt the lesson techno seems to be trying to 'teach' him. but you can't teach him anything by destroying.

c!tommy has had almost everything he has ever owned or built either taken from him or destroyed. ranboo even points out that the only two things of tommy's left standing are his house and his hotel, and if i'm honest, his house is dissheveled. it's a labyrinth of terror due only to how many times it's been torn apart. l'manberg being blown up didn't teach anyone anything about anarchy, or about valuing people over possessions. logstedshire being blown up didn't teach tommy to be obedient.

i could honestly ramble for ages about how nuanced tommy's character is and how much depth and complexity there is to his character's process and his relationship with others, but more than that, c!tommy is forgiving. he invites almost everyone who hates him to the grand opening of his hotel - if that isn't an indicator that he just wants friends, and not to be treated like the embodiment of evil, then i don't know what is. he holds grudges, but he doesn't really actively hate anyone, other than c!dream. but, we'll let him. c!dream deserves nothing but to be pummeled into the floor.

tommy doesn't spoonfeed his character nuance, and he doesn't really spell it out for his audience. he'll mention things like trauma and triggers in passing, but a lot of analysis on his motivations has to be picked up from what is said in passing or from what can be seen in between the lines.

i'd be here for hours if i were to talk about everything i love about c!tommy, because honestly he's one of my favourite characters, and there are so many angles you can look at his character from in terms of his age, his relationships with others, his motivations, his personality, his character arcs etc etc. so instead of doing that, i'm going to compile some much more specific analysis posts below to skim through because they highlight so many good aspects of his character.

^^ A thread about the 'yes you are, but so are we' line.

^^ About how shit the VODS comments are.

^^ A comment on how c!Tommy is actually pretty peaceful, and is actually less destructive than most characters on the server.

^^ Possibly the best c!Tommy analysis thread I've ever seen in relation to his trauma, which gives multiple perspectives.

^^ About how c!Tommy is treated as a scapegoat, and how, from an objective standpoint, he is no more violent than any other character, it's just that the little violence that is committed is blown far out of proportion.

^^ Tumblr user flypaw being a bad bitch, as per usual.

^^ c!Tommy being incredibly intelligent, and talking about wanting to rebuild and not destroy. A very underrated monologue of his.

^^ Something short about c!Tommy and c!Wilbur's relationship in Pogtopia.

^^ Less about c!Tommy, more a meta on L'Manberg. Really interesting to think about.

^^ A take on Doomsday.

I'll add some more posts in a reblog in the notes, but if anyone's post(s) is on this and they want me to take it off, let me know and I'll do that for you! Feel free to add your own banger c!Tommy takes or ones that you've found.

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