#the only one who saves me

[cosette141]

The Only One Who Saves Me | OUAT fanfic | CS gift exchange gift (1/3)

MERRY CHRISTMAS @i-will-sing-no-requiem !!!! I was your CS gift exchange santa this year!! :D I very much enjoyed obsessing over Taylor Swift with you haha! :)

Your gift is a 3-parter! 😱😆

This is the main fic I worked on for you! I ran with your prompt of Emma or Killian rescuing the other :)

Summary: (CS movie divergence) Killian gets his dashing rescue, and Emma is no longer the only one who saves her. :)

AO3

Killian ran, hard and fast. He's been out of breath for most of the last mile but he didn't stop.

Emma.

Nearly an hour ago, Emma was taken by Regina's guards.

He could only remember standing in that ballroom, watching them drag her away, every muscle in his body coiled to run after her, to fight them all off even if he had to bloody kill them, to save her, but at the same time, knew that he wouldn't have survived such an attack.

If he was to save Emma, and he would, he needed to be smart.

He needed to do this quietly.

For a moment, Killian had considered trying to find Emma's parents. The prince and princess could certainly help, however risking their lives was out of the question. If one of them died, there wouldn't even be an Emma to save.

That very thought was the only thing that was on Killian's mind.

Her parents were back on track, Snow White had the ring.

But none of that mattered if Killian couldn't save Emma now.

His heart was pounding so hard it hurt and Killian could only remember one time in his life that he's been this scared, and back then, he'd been tied to a mast on his own bloody ship.

But somehow, this felt more terrifying, and that very thought scared him almost more than the fear he wouldn't make it to her in time.

Killian knew Regina's ways; she wouldn't kill Emma tonight. Regina liked to watch the execution of Snow White's supporters every morning after she caught them. Like some sort of twisted breakfast entertainment.

However, even the knowledge that he had until morning to save Emma didn't help the fact that he still had to break into the bloody castle and get to her before he was killed.

He'd done it before, he knew how to get in and to find his way to the dungeons.

But the bloody rule not to mess with the timeline which meant he couldn't kill anyone if he needed to only made his heart beat even faster.

Killian finally stopped when he saw the silhouette of the castle over the hill. He stared at it warily, catching his breath.

"I'm coming, Emma," he whispered to the air.

And he started on his way, clinging to shadows.

I will find you, love.

And he won't stop until he does.

Emma huffed a defeated breath, sinking heavily back to the ground.

The lock was too far; she couldn't reach it.

Emma threw the wire she'd found back to the ground with burning eyes. That was her only chance. In a last ditch effort, Emma shut her eyes, trying to feel the magic inside her.

But it wasn't there, no matter how hard she searched for it.

Rumplestiltskin had already given them that wand to use when they'd successfully completed their mission—in Killian's possession since his ensemble had pockets—but Emma already knew even with it it was useless.

Her magic was still gone.

With an audible groan, she gave up trying to get out of here, dropping her face over her crossed arms.

Something about this felt eerily similar, being here, alone in a jail cell.

"Sorry, sweetheart, your boy took off."

She could still remember the first day she spent in prison.

Alone.

Terrified.

She'd curled herself tight on the cot, arms wrapped around her shins, and she didn't sleep a wink.

She waited.

She waited for someone to come, tell her that it was all a misunderstanding, to let her go.

Waited for Neal to show up, to break her out, to save her.

But he never came.

No one ever came.

Not for eleven months.

Not ever.

Emma didn't even realize she was crying until she felt the dirty sleeves of the dress dampen with hot tears.

Did Hook know she was missing?

He'd been taking out the guards on the balcony; he might not even know she was taken. Or by whom.

But even if he did know she was taken, Emma wasn't going to get her hopes up.

Breaking into Regina's castle to save her? The odds of him succeeding were low at best.

He'd be risking his life even thinking about doing such a thing.

Emma suddenly wondered where he was, what he would do, trapped in the past.

Because the last thing she'd ever believe was that he was going to come back for her.

Save her.

No one ever does.

Emma suddenly heard footsteps.

She lifted her face from her arms, where she was huddled in the far corner of the cell, arms still wrapped around her shins, the facsimile of a hug that felt too shallow and cold to be called such a thing.

The footsteps were running. Fast.

Guards.

Emma's heart pounded.

Was it morning already?

Was she out of time?

As much as she had planned to be strong, to fight them, to save herself, panic was suddenly consuming her.

She was going to be executed.

So when the shadow crossed the walls, getting closer and closer, Emma just curled in on herself tighter, trying to swallow the rising fear.

But—

"Emma!"

Emma's fear halted, traded for shock.

Hook.

It was Hook.

The moment he saw her, he ran to the bars of the cell, eyes on her, his relief at finding her quickly dashed. Concern bloomed. "Emma, love," he whispered.

Emma blinked in shock.

He was here.

He came back for her.

Someone came back for her.

She shot to her feet and rushed to the bars, standing inches from him. Her fingers grasped the bar, wondering if she was dreaming. "Hook?"

"Thank the gods I found you," he breathed, a slight, relieved smile at the victory. His eyes then shifted to the bars, looking for—

"It's at the top," whispered Emma quickly. "The lock. I couldn't reach it."

Hook located it, reaching for the lock and using his hook to pick it. A few precious moments ticked by, and Emma could read every anxiety in his face until the lock clicked open, and the chain fell free.

Hook ripped the door open.

Freedom.

But Emma wasn't half as relieved by the freedom as she was by him.

She didn't even think; she grabbed him in a tight hug, practically clinging to him.

He stumbled a little by the force of it, surprised. She held him tightly, eyes shut, relief rushing through her in waves as she breathed in his scent. Familiarity. Safeness. Home.

She didn't know when she'd started thinking of him as home, but right now, she didn't care.

She felt him hold her back after a hesitation of shock. Just as tightly as she held him. "Are you all right?" he whispered. "Are you hurt?"

"You came," she found herself whispering. Her voice like broken confusion.

A tear fell down her cheek.

His hold on her tightened a little. "Of course I came," he said. He pulled back a little. "You thought I wouldn't?" he asked incredulously, like the idea hurt him. But a noise somewhere nearby like a door opening made both of them freeze and Killian's grip on her tighten even more. "We need to get you out of here. Now," he said quickly, eyes locked with hers, fear in them.

Fear for her.

"Come," he breathed, and without hesitation Emma's hand intertwined with his, and she suddenly felt like she never ever wanted to let go.

Killian led the way, seeming to know his way around, and Emma didn't stop to question it. She was glued to his side as they clung to the shadows, every usual strength within her strangely gone, replaced with the fear of her seventeen year old self, trapped in prison with no way out.

Their run through the castle was like a blur of panic, and Emma heard Killian whisper, "We're nearly there, love." And Emma only then realized she was practically crushing his hand.

But they rounded a corner, and Killian skidded to a stop, just as two guards saw them both.

"Bloody hell," cursed Killian.

"The prisoner!" cried one of the guards, recognizing Emma. "The one who aided Snow White's escape!"

"Get her!" growled the other, both unsheathing swords, and Emma felt paralyzed.

"Get behind me!" exclaimed Killian in a desperate breath, releasing her hand—something that felt like panic itself to her—so he could draw his sword.

Emma listened to him, allowing someone else to take control for the first time in what felt like her life, because hell she knew how to fight with her fists but not against swords and not with flashes of the past blinding her, and she felt her hands grasp the back of Killian's jacket, needing something tethering her to him.

He fought off the first guard, both men caught in a flurry of blades, and suddenly Emma felt a burly arm grab her around the waist and yank her back.

"Emma!"

Emma struggled, managing to land her elbow in the man's gut, making him grunt in enough pain to release his hold. And Emma's hands fisted, her heart pounding as she prepared to fight—

But she didn't need to.

Because suddenly Killian was there, standing firmly in front of her, protecting her, knocking out the man with the hilt of his sword.

Both guards lay unconscious on the ground.

Emma was still shaking.

But Killian's hand suddenly found her face, making her look at him. Such determination shone in his eyes. "I won't let anyone take you. I promise." Emma felt her breath skip, a wave of relief feeling like warm sunlight because, for the first time, she didn't have to protect herself alone. Sheathing his sword, Killian again took her hand, holding her even tighter. "Come," he breathed.

They continued on their way out of the castle, this time making it without trouble. But they didn't stop running until they were well away from it, and could no longer even see the castle in the distance.

And without hesitation, Emma dove into his arms, hers wrapped tightly around his waist, burying her face in his chest.

She was crying and for the first time in her life she didn't care that the tears fell, or that they did in front of someone else.

Because for the first time in her life, someone saved her.

For the first time in her life, she didn't have to do it herself.

She could hear him saying her name, his voice surprised, worried, gentle.

She felt him pull back a little, though his arms never loosened around her.

Killian looked at her, noting the tear tracks on her face, old and new, the dirt and the scratches from the rough handling of her by the guards. It looked like his heart broke in his eyes. "Emma, love," he whispered. "Are you all right?"

But Emma was unable to find her voice, because her mind was still caught on something she couldn't understand.

He came back for her.

He saved her.

Her whole life, the only person who ever saved her was her.

No one else bothered to.

But Killian broke into a castle full of guards that would have killed him in an instant, just to save her.

He risked his life.

For her.

The last person Emma trusted put her in prison.

Killian just rescued her from it.

"Emma…?"

He was still staring at her, even more concerned than before.

"You saved me," she whispered.

"Of course I did," he said, like it was the only reasonable answer.

Like there was no world in which he saw himself not saving her.

Ever since Neverland, hell, long before then, Emma had felt… something for him.

After Neverland, it turned into something even more, something that wasn't just interest, something that was feelings.

And ever since she drank that potion, they had only gotten stronger.

She has spent every waking minute shoving those feelings down, trying to bury them, erase them, because she could not—she could not—stand to trust someone again, for someone to break her like a damn promise.

She had planned to run away to New York, to leave it all—leave him—behind.

But tonight…

He had just risked his life to break into a place that would have killed him if it could have, just for her.

Tonight, he did something no one has ever done.

He saved her.

And Emma was beginning to realize he's done so in more ways than one.

He's handed Emma proof that he will be here for her and will never leave.

And it suddenly gave her an overwhelming need to stay.

Like a broken dam, everything that she felt for him, that she's tried to hold back, rose within her, warming her chest, like a tidal wave she couldn't wait to drown in.

Emma smiled, another tear falling, feeling like so much weight had been lifted from her. Like she suddenly couldn't stand to keep herself from him, to hide the fact that she liked him, she more than liked him, that she—

Emma's hand found his, intertwining with his fingers.

And suddenly, a glowing emitted from his pocket, where her fingers brushed it.

They both looked down, to see the wand.

Lit up with magic.

With a gasp, Emma pulled her hand away, and the glow faded.

Killian smiled.

He took out the wand. "Emma," he breathed.

Tentatively, Emma took it, and in an instant, it lit up again.

"My magic!" she breathed. "It's back," she whispered.

"Perhaps it just needed time," he said softly.

But Emma knew what it needed.

She smiled at him, and the warm feeling that was still in her chest.

The feeling that he and he alone elicited.

"Thank you, Killian," said Emma softly. She kissed his cheek, a little shyly, pink coloring the tip of her nose. Electricity like her own magic seemed to spark as she did.

His brows shot up at the sound of his own name, hearing the heaviness of her gratitude. He stared at her in utter shock.

"Let's go home," she whispered.

His brow quirked, something so hopeful in his eyes. "Home?" he echoed.

She smiled, more and more sure with every second. "Storybrooke." she clarified. "I'm not going anywhere."

She took his hand, and Emma had never seen him look as stunned as he did now.

"Aye," he said softly. "Home." He smiled, the word like music to his ears, like a relief of his own.

And she conjured the portal, the glow reflected in their eyes as they jumped through together.

For she was home long before they reached Storybrooke.

-.-.-.-.

tag list: @kmomof4 @justanother-unluckysoul @klynn-stormz @stahlop @ilovemesomekillianjones @hookmecaptain @tiganasummertree @jadehowlettthewolf @jonesfandomfanatic @anmylica @pirateprincessofpizza @stahlop @snowbellewells @eddisfargo @motherkatereloyshipper @csgiftexchange

#captain swan #captain swan fanfic #captain swan fanfiction #cs ff #cs #fanfic #fanfiction #emma and hook #emma and killian #ouat #once upon a time #once upon a time fanfiction #cs gift exchange 2022 #cs gift exchange #cosette141 ffn #the only one who saves me #h/c #hurt/comfort #romance

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Game night results (from this poll)

Character selection inspired from extraterezi's post!

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jiang cheng #SVSSS #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #TGCF #hua cheng #xie lian #You guys know that one image of the cat getting rolled into bread? #that was me the entire time I had to draw all these carts. #I messed up and only had the poll run for a day but the community response was still wonderful! Thanks to everyone who participated! #there were so many funny comments and tags that I *had* to save #I honestly cant think of funnier stuff to say than what ppl already wrote on the OG poll #The Xie Lian sweep was hilarious. He can win by losing. #BTW SQQ 100% says he's picking Rosalina 'for the stat spread' and not because he wants to play as a princess #(he wants to play as a princess) #Please go read extraterezi's post its very funny and well thought out

[sariphantom]

Rise April 2024 Days 1, 2, and 3: Trick, Fashion, and Crossover

Technically... Usagi counts as crossover, considering he's from a different show.

#rise april 2024 art challenge #rise april 2024 #rise april #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #save rottmnt #save rise of the tmnt #unpause rottmnt #unpause rise of the tmnt #rise season 3 #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #my art #rottmnt leo #rise leo #usagi yuichi #usagi chronicles #samurai rabbit #yuichi usagi #leosagi #because usgai's from a different show and is NOT from Rise TMNT his appearance here technically counts as crossover #which is perfect because Usagi's the PERFECT candidate to be the rabbit in Leo's magic trick #let's not forget that Leo canonically loves magic #i mean he's the only one who ENJOYS the Hypno clone sawing himself in half and eating popcorn #while the others are just getting their asses kicked by the other clones #except Raph #he took down his evil clone LIKE A BOSS #Leo's stipes gave me such a hard time in this one #this is probably the best I could get with his stripes because the other attempts turned out TERRIBLE #okay rant over #I'm very late but managed to combine all three prompts together

[wonderstrevors]

IM SO MAD AT THIS MAN RIGHT NOW. THEY ARE YOU SONS!!!!

#also dick finding out about jason and losing it #jason todd #batman #dick grayson #tim drake #also the asshole leave damian behind #the only one who was supporting him #damian wayne #also tim hugging damian at the end and telling him we save our dad got me crying

[ruporas]

all I wanted was to save them... (ID in alt)

#nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #tw blood #let me know if there's any other tags i need to use!!! not sure if it counts as gore #ruporas art #*vash voice* YOU ARE NOT WRONG/LOST WOLFWOOD!!!!!! #i think very often about ch 49 where wolfwood thought it was fr over for him for that brief moment. he was already bearing with so much #fatigue that it wasn't going to be enough for him to fight back properly.. and ough... augh..... for the first time after bearing that cros #someone saved him. someone saved himmmm AUGHHHH <-- guy who can't be normal about it even though its been 7 months since i read it #but he's suffered alone for so long and continued to do so because it's all he ever knew in those short years #and its devastating. his one and only desire was simple and it was still difficult for him to reach T_T #anyway... i love him... holds him tenderly in my palms

[hel7l7]

No one is going to save me. No one can save me. No body will come to save me. Nobody is going to save me. Nobody cares ( not true ) Why can't it be simple? I often don't want to save myself.

#sometimes i hate being responsible for myself #but i am the only one who can save me #vent art #venting #tw #bpd #actually bpd

[fuumiku]

It was Maid Day today yesterday a week ago so I got struck by inspiration to draw the worsties, and it ran away from me into a whole AU where they’re coworkers at a maid cafe. She’s a med student & this is just a part time job, and this is his depression job while he gets his life back together. He needs something he can be workaholic about to forget what it’s like having a personal life and personal issues. He’s actually the accountant, but the new hire janitor (Izutsumi) doesn’t show up for half her shifts and is a sloppy worker, so he gets the extra work of doing her job on top of his because he’s undervalued and overworked. Of course, janitors also have an uniform to keep the aesthetic cohesion as they go about cleaning the place, of course.

Senshi’s the part time cook you only see slivers off, he’s kind and warm when you do see him and have a chat but most shifts he’s in and out the kitchen without a trace. Laios and Falin are regulars because Falin and Marcille are besties & in the same med school, Laios accompanies Falin as she visits her friend at work and gets hooked on the food. Chilchuck has to remind Marcille to work instead of chatting with Falin for an hour, and next thing he knows she’s distracting him from work too. That’s it that’s the AU. Inspired by this idol AU fanart a bit <3

This was not meant to be birthday gift but well…… Happy bday Chil!!!

Read from left to right

#Dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #Chilchuck tims #marcille donato #spoilers #dunmeshi au #Maid cafe au #Marchil #Workwife marchil save me. Kabuholm in the background bc i said so lmao #i think people forget marci n chil are coworker worsties first and foremost. Ppl should capitalize on it more #The orange hair swag that makes him look like a marketable idol more #You can tell idk how to draw maid outfits. I hate those hats sm I will miku miku beam them out of existence #Marcille does change her hairstyle everyday btw #they don’t get back together btw she goes you haven’t talked to me in 4 years and he immediately goes YOU haven’t talked to ME in 4– #i mean ehem i’m sorry haha… while Marcille is like 4 years?! 4 years… #Mei only did it bc Fler has been getting jittery again kept sighing #I wanted to draw Chil with a car key at his belt but it wasn’t meant to be #idk if marchil ever gets together in this one it’s an eternal summer coworker with tension situationship au #romance is when you slowly deteriorate his work ethics so he starts skipping on his worktime to spend it at the front messing around w you #once he’s blessedly in the office and he hears this huge crash and the Marci just goes ‘…… Chiiiiiil?’ cue sigh and having to repair #the coffee machine. So many lil comics i couldn’t indulge myself to draw save me #shoutout to the time as a cashier in training at a convenience store I was left by my coworker who was supposed to wash the greasy chicken #oven but didn’t so I had to clean it for the first time myself while I was alone in the store and was also supposed to man the front #Shoutout to my convenience store’s accountant helping us with cashier duties often when there was less job to do ty ty #Understaffed struggles are so real #People also call Chil a manager because the boss is most often away so he just does everything #There’s no union but maybe one day he’ll get to overthrow the boss idk #The pay IS good at least #Modern au

[nibbelraz]

When your brother wants to betray the powerful demon king you both work for but you know that's NOT going to end well so you try to convince him not to do it but he's also seen those LUSTFUL gazes you do to said demon and calls you out

#svsss #shang qinghua #original shang qinghua #Shang Twins #Shang twins AU #scum villian self saving system #scum villains self saving system #scum villain's self saving system #sqh #implied Moshang #OG Shang Qinghua: You just love his chest thats the only reason you want me to not do it #Shang Qinghua: THERES MORE REASONS BUT I CANT DENY THAT IS ONE OF THEM #I think they'd get into some insane stuff together #mobei also is put off by the twin he prefers the wimpy scared crying one over the one that just point blank stares at him #I also like to think in this au Svsss Shang Qinghua is still scarily great at managing his peak/ the kingdom #maybe they both run the peak together #who knows #my art #nibbelraz

[lord-squiggletits]

I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.

I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.

The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...

Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.

I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.

And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?

It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.

To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.

In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.

Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.

So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.

What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.

Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #i'm sure the doylist reason for the writing is just that pharma was a designated villain #so since he's a villain and 'crazy' it's fine for everyone even the good guys to treat him like complete trash #i just think from a watsonian perspective taking a sympathetic approach is way more interesting and logically consistent #what i mean is like. from a meta perspective one of the best ways to show that a character is super evil and not worth saving #is when even the good guy heroes. the ones who are supposed to be kind and compassionate and wise. see him as dirt #and this is also kind of a necessity in most plots bc TF is the kind of series that just needs action villains and long-term antagonists #so not every villain is written or has a plot to be made redeemable. and pharma is one of these bc he's not important or a legacy character #so from a doylist (meta) perspective you could read the autobots' disregard of pharma as a sign of #'this guy is not meant to have your sympathy as a reader. pay no attention to him' #but from a watsonian (in universe) perspective it paints a miserable picture of pharma being utterly forsaken by the ppl he served alongsid #and like yeah i'm super autistic about pharma so of course i view him with sympathy but like #the idea of being a loyal and good person for years only to be subjected to a Torment Nexus of #being blackmailed into breaking all of the oaths you held sacred. under threat of you and all your comrades dying horrible torturous deaths #then when your comrades find out about it they focus solely on the 'harvesting organs' and not on the 'blackmail' part #and then you get literally left for dead by your comrades and best friend hating your guts #and then you get rescued by a guy who uses you as a test subject for his evil machine #this is a fucking nightmare scenario like pharma could hardly be suffering more if the author TRIED to make him suffer #and for me it's like. the evil pharma did can't be decontextualized to what drove him to that. as well as the question of like #how easily ppl can write someone off as evil and turn a blind eye to (or even find satisfaction in) their suffering bc theyre evil #and either brought it on themselves or it's just karma paying a visit #like. i feel like if pharma WERE a shitty doctor and a terrible person his whole life then the delphi situation would feel like karma #but the way it's written and the lore retroactively put in makes it feel more pharma getting thrown in a torture carousel #and THEN becoming evil. but then being treated as if he was always evil or was some sort of bad apple #bc like i'm not opposed to LOLing when a villain gets a karmic torture/death related to the wrongs they committed #but in pharma's case it feels less like karma and more like endless torture + being abandoned by ppl who should have been more loyal

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman. #there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind. #the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

[jojo-schmo]

I wish I could tell the original artist that this drawing permanently changed the entire direction of my life in 2009. I want to shake their hand, look them in the eye, and admit I would not be who I am today if this drawing didn’t exist.

EDIT: Original artist is @ivynajspyder !!!!

#‘but jojo’ you ask. ‘that seems a little ridiculous’ #‘don’t you think that’s a little much?’ #no. NO. IT IS THE TRUTH. #little baby middle schooler jojo had just gotten squeak squad. the first kirby game she ever owned. #and she loved it even tho there’s a lot she didn’t understand #like who dedede was supposed to be or why copy abilities existed #I asked for the game because my roommate at swim camp had it and she told me the plot of the game when I looked over her shoulder to watch #(the plot she told me was completely made up btw she said kirby had to save the dimension from dark overlord and did not mention the squeak #and said stuff about meta knight being a bad guy idk I realize now she was just weaving a tale of her own haha) #SO I WAS NOT AWARE OF THE LORE. I had only played the one game and it’s the one people don’t like the plot of #but meta knight completely intrigued me #what was this blue sword wielding little kirby dude doing here?? #so I’d replay his boss fight over and over again just to get that glimpse at his face #and I’d sit and wonder what it all meant. who was this mysterious swordsman?? #and the boss fight was hard!!! it cost me to beat it at the time but I’d still do it to see his face #AND THEN AFTER LIKE A YEAR OF THIS it occurred to me that there was a kirby wiki online #so I found all the pictures of his face and my little fangirl-raised-by-deviantart mind ATE THIS UP. #and then I look up that one fateful google search……… the one that changed me #meta. #knight. #maskless. #and this drawing was towards the top of the results #I went feral about a fandom related topic for the very very first time #I lost my MIND. HOW can a character be so cute AND COOL??! I was a changed child. #I consumed the hoshi no kaabii anime like it was the only piece of media on earth #I drew comics about him. I made my first kirby oc ever to go on a grand adventure on him. #I filled my notebooks with kirby art to the point my mom was like ‘jossie. you REALLY need to branch out. these are just orbs.’ #and now I am the kirby artist I am today. so yes. YES. this drawing did change my life. #thanks for reading. and thanks to the original artist. I tried to find them to link but nothing. so if you know pls tell me #THE END!!! and remember! your art makes a difference in people’s lives even if they don’t say it to your face!!!!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Smell Check [Easy: Failure]

MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 1 (part 2 - part 3)

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #disco elysium #MDZS Disco Elysium AU #So sad I didn't manage to get this comic out on the 15th (pd-mdzs's 8 month anniversary and DE's 4th year anniversary) but I'm here *now* #I have a very extensive and detailed MDZS Disco Elysium AU that I am Not Normal About. #I've seen a few other people point out the potential in a crossover (true) but they make the mistake in having it be set in 51! #A true crossover would take place closer to The Antecentennial Revolution! #Disco Elysium did not go that hard on its cool lore for people to only make surface level crossovers!!! #One day I'll write the fic or post my notes. I don't know who would read it but it tickles *my* brain and that's enough. #No spoilers for DE (here or in comments (please)) but please consider....Magpie Wei Wuxian B*) On his way to be an innocent. #I do think there is a good chance a chunk of the MDZS readership would enjoy DE but...it's also not a game I easily recommend #It's more of an experience you have to marinate over. It's dark in ways that are off putting to some people. #It makes you feel like a very bad person all the time. It gets extremely personal if you allow yourself to be honest in your answers #and it's also the game that saved my life. My life was truly forever changed after playing disco elysium. #If I recommend it to people it's a badge of the trust I have in you to appreciate something dear to me B'*) #If you decide to play: PLEASE go in as blind as possible. You will regret spoiling yourself. #edit: this is based on real disco elysium dialogue. HDB has many canon kinks but this is not one of them

[himejoshiangels]

unfortunately thinking hard abt how Bruce meets duke at three vastly different times in his life and how he watched the innocence and cheer leave him as he got older and more jaded only for his spirit to blaze with hope when he matures into the signal

#ITS LIKE #dukes convinced hes an entirely different kid #he goes from a clever determined baby know it all to a jaded but hopeful 14ish year old to a rough edged thick skinned tunnel visioned 16 #year old in WAR but like bruce meets well remeets duke post war and who he meets is an amalgamation of all 3 but dukes convinced that kid i #gone died the night gotham experienced that joker attack and hes sure hes so different theres no way his parents could be proud #but BUT!!! Bruce sees that same 7 year old he met erasing and rewriting riddles bcs hes convinced hes the one who will save gotham from the #riddler bcs SOMEONE has to and it mightas well be him and youre only crazy if it doesn't work right? #help..HELP ME #MEDIC MEDIC #the signal #thought bubbles #duke thomas #bruce wayne #batman

[torchstelechos]

You know I think it's kind of funny how much LBH and SQQ mirror each other, like do you guys think about how to everyone around them in canon LBH knows everything about SQQ down to a single birthmark but SQQ doesn't seem to know anything about LBH? Despite everything they've gone through, SQQ seems to be playing catch up in their own relationship while LBH was already getting their wedding ready? But for us, the viewers, we know that SQQ knows everything about who LBH was suppose to be while LBH knows nothing about SQQ's own past and what he was suppose to be? SQQ knows everything that doesn't involve himself, while LBH knows everything that does involves himself. It's so funny to me how that must look to outsiders versus themselves <3

#svsss #luo binghe #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #sweet potato svsss #scum villian self saving system #Just another wondering thought about who knows what in canon and how that can be shown #Something about SQQ being a fucking horrifying concept with LBH also being a horrifying concept #That perfectly match each other in everyway has me feeling something yaknow #They're both monsters it's just that one is a monster that is only a monster when hidden #And the other is only a monster when known #And you can guess which one I'm talking about for either descriptions above #Anyway I love that horror and love are all too similar in this series <3 <3<3

[ruporas]

lonely

[ID: A limited palette of green and pink, Vashwood comic. The first page serves as a prologue. The first panel shows Vash speaking to someone off screen while Wolfwood is lingering behind him. A black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the second panel, Vash is buying donuts in the distance while Wolfwood is once again in view, lingering. and the black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the third panel, Vash is leaving a cubicle and turning towards his right with a slightly peeved expression. He sees Wolfwood, leaning against the cubicle, waiting for him, and with the black arrow drawn, pointing at him, implicating the consistent hovering of Wolfwood’s presence during Vash’s everyday. At the bottom of the page, they’re drawn out of panel with Vash turning to Wolfwood and saying with an irritated expression, “You’re really following me everywhere, huh?” Wolfwood responds, “What, you got a problem?” Vash responds without hesitation, “Yeah, kinda...”

The second page starts with a new day. In the first panel, Vash is seen alone, weighing apples in his hands at a mart, with crowds passing behind him. In the second panel, he turns to his right and starts to say, “Hey, Wolfwood...” In the third panel, he’s startled from seeing a stranger, whom he’d accidentally called out to when he was expecting to see Wolfwood. He says, “Oh, you’re not him. Sorry!” In the fourth panel, the stranger walks off and Vash muses, “Right, he said he had something to do today...”

The third page begins with a close up of Vash's miffed expression, the continuation of Vash's thoughts, "Now that he's not here, this is just like how I used to be, but... It feels lonely somehow. Oh well, I'll see him again tonight, like always." In the second panel, it shows Vash walking through the marketplace crowd, alone. In the third panel, the door panel is a close up of the door opening with a peek of Vash's head. He says, "Wolfwood!" In the fourth panel, Vash is holding a bag of food with a bright smile and says, "Are you hungry? I got you something to eat today!"

The fourth page begins with a shot of the room, two beds being highlighted, one of them being made properly with the blanket draped over the bed and the other with the blanket folded and pillow sitting on top of it. There's no sign of Wolfwood. The second panel shows Vash with a disappointed look as he thinks, "He's still not here?" The third panel shows Vash putting the bag of food on the table. Stapled to the paper bag is the receipt with a written note "For Wolfwood." Vash's thoughts continue "He does like to stay out so, I guess there's no reason to worry..." The fourth panel shows Vash sitting his bed somberly with his thoughts continued, "It's not any of my business anyway..."

The fifth page starts with a close up his blank expression as he looks downwards, thinking, "Even if he left completely... That'd be understandable and better for him. I'll just travel alone again... like before... Huh?" The next panel shows Vash's composure break, tears welling up in his eyes suddenly, as he didn't expect to cry. He starts to sob, putting his hands to his face to quiet himself and wipe at his tears, as he says, "Ugh... Dammit... I miss h..." The last panel shows Vash leaning over into his hands, still crying, and in the back, the door swings wide open with a bam as Wolfwood walks through with the punisher swung behind him. He shouts, "SPIKEY! You in here?!"

The sixth page starts with Wolfwood confused, looking at Vash and Vash looks back, just as confused, with tears in his eyes and snot out of his nose. Wolfwood starts saying, "Ah? You..." No longer in panels, at the bottom of the page, Wolfwood takes the Punisher off of himself and starts to walk towards Vash, continuing with slight concern, "What's wrong with you? Did something happen?" Vash, hurriedly begins to wipe at his tears, denying immediately, "No! No, I'm fine! Nothing happened!"

The seventh page, Vash points towards the table, with a hand still wiping at his tears and he smiles as he says, "I uh got you food. On the table." Wolfwood looks towards to the table and responds, "Oh. I was getting hungry, thanks." He turns his head back to Vash immediately after with an uncertain expression, knowing the other wasn't responding to his concern, and says, "But, I know you're an idiot with this stuff, so I'm reminding you again. Don't brush it off if it's an issue, alright?"

The eight page, Vash's tears have dried and he looks to Wolfwood with a soft smile and responds, "Yeah. It's okay though..." A panel at the center shows a side view of Vash approaching Wolfwood. At the bottom of the page, with no panel, is a close up shot of Vash's hand, holding onto the edge of Wolfwood's jacket sleeve, as he says, "Because you're here now. Wolfwood."

The final page is a back shot of both of them standing next to each other, Wolfwood's head tilted slightly to the left, not fully believing Vash as he says, "That doesn't answer anything, Spikey." Vash responds, "There's no need to talk about it! You should enjoy your food. Let's have a drink too?" Wolfwood responds, "Tsk, tsk. Fine, yeah. I could use one." END ID]

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #but onto this comic... i think and talk a LOT about vash's loneliness bc trigun is just. kind of central on that for a good while! esp in #the original manga he was alone for a good portion of it and he tends to keep others away like how he ran away from meryl and milly when #they tried to tag along. and he was kind of bothered when he realized ww was following him around Too. at the core even though he loves #humans and he loves deeply the people he does know -- he isnt really much of a people person and i think thats been the case since he was #young considering his initial doubts towards humans... with the exception of kids bc kids dont give him moral conflicts. so suddenly #here comes wolfwood!!! his guide. someone TRULY affixed to him until he has to get to knives. someone who isnt budging and someone whos #really good at following him around and even seems like he goes like 5 steps ahead to make sure vash doesnt run on him #in one way its - i don't want you to follow me bc i don't want to burden you and i don't want you to kill the people i want to save. #in another way its - i like this companionship. i like waking up to you and i like ending the way with you. i like talking to someone who #knows my world. i like being in your space and sometimes i enjoy talking about our day #theyre just living together. like. roadtrip buddies or theyre also under the same roof because they're going everywhere together. #trimax they mainly spend their mornings together and if they had personal business attend the other person would usually know and itd only #be during the midday. anyway bc of this kind of companionship i figure that vash eventually grew accustom to it and he really. cant go back #to the kind of loneliness from before. it's harder to imagine and it'd be harder to withstand. esp after 2 years with lina and her grandma. #ruporas art

[strunmah-mah]

Obscura is weirdly high stakes for a visual novel. Most vn's the end you get is an accumulation of the decision you make, Obscura? Make one wrong choice and you're DEAD.

Anyway, in unrelated news, I've somehow managed to get the bad end in 3 out of 4 of Obscura's routes. Whoops.

#obscura vn #save me keir #you're the only one who loves me #fransesco's bad end was the worst #i finally poked my head into the aftercare menu for that one #big yikes #that said it kinda interesting the system they've chosen #some people may not like it #but it's cool looking back and being able to see the exact moment you messed up #whereas in arcana when i got julian's bad ending #i had no idea how i got there #also it's oddly realistic #sometimes one bad decision is all it takes to mess up a good thing