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ashtrayfloors · 2 years

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What I Did on My Summer Staycation, a list:

1. I mentioned in my last entry that I had enough money to treat myself to a few small things. I think that some of my personality and current interests can be well summed up by what I treated myself to: a pack of multicolored Sharpie markers, some pins for my leather and denim jackets (mostly ‘Mats-related, cuz I’m kinda obsessed), a jug of cold brew coffee, and a visit to the local art museum.

2. I’ve gotten back into visual art. Not that I ever really got out of it; I make collages and Xerox art and pages in my art journals all the time. I just mean—well, I started a new canvas last week and it just burst out of me; I painted for hours a day until I’d finished. And since then I’ve been working with oil pastels in my art journal, plus sketching out ideas for some other, larger pieces.

3. It took me years to consider myself a ‘real’ visual artist, or to think that I might have any talent for visual art. Even when people—people whose opinions I respected, people whom I considered ‘real’ artists, even!—complimented my stuff, I’d downplay it; assume they were just saying those things to be nice. Even when I was part of art shows, and complete strangers paid money to take something I painted or drew or photographed or collaged home with them, I’d somehow find a way to talk myself out of feeling like it meant I might actually have talent. And I think a lot of it had to do with how badly I did in art class in elementary and middle school. And just the other day I thought…huh, I wonder how many well-respected, awesome artists did terribly in grade school art class? Probably quite a few! Because in my experience, those art classes had nothing to do with encouraging kids’ artistic abilities, or even teaching us much of anything…except how to follow the rules. Most of the teachers I had in grade school art class were looking for very specific results for each project, and if we couldn’t, or didn’t want to, reproduce them, we got in trouble or got a bad grade. They acted like we were in Warhol’s Factory, where every piece had to be damn near identical to the example they’d shown us. I don’t mean that we were expected to learn the fundamentals of different kinds of art; there was very little actual instruction designed to make us better skilled. I mean…oh, here’s but one example among many: in third grade, we had to make clay sculptures of dinosaurs. I made a dragon instead. I got a bad grade on that project.

3.5. I often got in trouble for not following rules. I got in trouble or got bad grades in Language Arts sometimes, because I got weird with my writing and didn’t do exactly what was asked. Yet that never made me think I was a bad writer! So why did grade school art classes make me think I sucked as a visual artist? Maybe because I had enough writing teachers who encouraged me to balance out the sucky ones? Who knows.

4. Last Thursday I took myself on a date to the art museum. I hadn’t been there since last November. I fell in love with so much of the art, discovered a bunch of new-to-me artists as well as seeing works by artists I was already well familiar with. They have a Paula Rego in one of the current exhibits, and I nearly cried seeing her work in person. (I did cry in front of the Franz Gertsch.) I stopped by the gift shop before I left, to buy a couple postcards and check out the used book rack, where I found a copy of a 1969 book called Pop Art Redefined for two bucks! When I went to pay, the woman behind the counter told me she loved my necklace (I was wearing the blackbird + rosary bead necklace an old Milwaukee friend of mine made for me years ago) and my tattoos. Then she noticed the paint on my fingers and said: “Oh, you must be an artist, too!” And she handed me some info about the museum’s upcoming community art show. It’s free submission, everyone is eligible, it’ll all be up online, and the community gets to vote—and the three top-voted artists will receive a voucher for a studio art class! And it’s zodiac themed!

4.5. I just loved being recognized as an artist, okay?

5. Friday was the start of our house and dog-sitting job. C. insisted we go to the beach pretty much right away, so he and I went while P. and D. stayed with the dog. We looked for rocks and beach glass, built a sandcastle, walked in the water; I drew for a while while he ran in and out of the water and squealed with glee anytime a big wave came up. Later, back at the house, I sketched out some ideas for the zodiac-themed art show. I have two ideas, but it’s limited to one submission per artist; I think I’m going to make both and then decide which one to submit once they’re both done.

6. None of us slept well that first night, so the next day was a little rough in some regards. But there were good things, too. I talked to the neighborhood crows. I made a batch of pie crust while listening to La Traviata and Django Reinhardt. I worked on some poems, and some pieces for my zine. I did some more sketching in my art journal. I saw the proofs for LOTD, and oh wow did the publisher ever get the aesthetic exactly right. We went to the beach again, all four of us this time. D. brought a bag to pick up trash, his idea, and he thoroughly cleaned up the beach, and I was so full of love and pride for my budding environmentalist. I picked up more rocks, felt their energy, gave most of them back to the lake, except for one that wanted to come home with me. We all slept better that night.

7. Sunday was probably the best day. I did a tarot and oracle spread about what the upcoming week had in store for me; a lot of it involved transformation, healing, breakthroughs. I did yoga. I wrote postcards to some friends as though I were on a real vacation. We took a long walk. The storms rolled in, I made a nectarine and blueberry galette, wrote some. Cooked a delicious Provençal-inspired salmon dish for dinner, drank some vodka rocks with a twist of lemon, watched the rain. But then I barely slept again that night.

8. I woke up Monday feeling completely wrecked, both from lack of sleep (I used to stay up all night on purpose, for fun?!) and allergies (fall allergy season is starting, yay!). The first half of the day was really rough. I found a dead mouse on the front walk, poor little gray fuzzball, and it made me cry. Then C. had a huge tantrum, and I reacted very poorly. But it turned out okay in the end. I have a tendency to let a bad moment or bad mood ruin my entire day, but I’m trying not to do that. P. took C. on a little outing, I took a long bath with some stress-relief bubble bath, when they got back I apologized to C. and we hugged it out and things were fine the rest of the day. We grilled out, listened to the howls of the coyotes that walk along the lakeshore, then watched a movie as a family, all cuddled up on the same couch (along with the dog we were dog-sitting). And I slept well, finally.

9. Yesterday, we cleaned the house we’d been staying in, then packed up our stuff, and waited for the owners to get home. They got home late afternoon, paid us, and we came home to our house. Then my parents stopped by. They just got back from a trip to Michigan to visit family, and wanted to give us some things they’d brought back. I got a series of paintings done by my dad’s cousin (who is actually a quite well-known and respected artist, and also pretty much the only cool weirdo on my dad’s side of the family), a piece of pottery made by one of my mom’s sisters, and a pair of earrings made by another of her sisters. But before that could happen, my mom immediately started in on me. I had off-handedly mentioned how rough a lot of the weekend was for me & P. & the kiddos, and because I said that rather than asking how her trip was, well, there was hell to pay. It’s exhausting, sometimes, that I never seem to be able to do anything right in her eyes.

9.5. When I freaked out during C.’s tantrum on Monday, I noticed that some of the things I said/the way I said them was very, very like my mom, and I was horrified. (They fuck you up, your mum & dad…) But at least I apologized to C. For all my failings, I admit when I’m in the wrong. I can count on one hand the number of times in my life my mom has apologized to me. Usually, even when it’s something she started, I’m the one who has to apologize, otherwise she’ll send me passive aggressive text messages until the end of time.

10. After that blew over, everything was fine for a while. It was good to be back at our own house. The kids seemed mellower than they’d been in days. P. and I had some drinks in the backyard and watched the dragonflies swarm overhead. But then, after the kids were asleep…some rough stuff got brought up, and we were maybe not sober enough to talk about it calmly, and it turned into a big argument where we both yelled and I cried. He slept on the couch and I got in bed and cried some more.

11. But we talked again this morning, and things are better. I thought again of my tarot spread for the week, and thought: oh. Healing, transformation, breakthroughs. Sometimes those things aren’t pretty, and they’re seldom ever easy. The truth is, my mental health has been…not great…for the past month. I’m in kind of a scary place that I’m not sure how to get out of, but as of this morning I feel like I can. I also got on Facebook for the first time in a while, only to discover that a lot of my friends are going through some similar hard times. I want us all to make it, and be even stronger and happier on the other side of whatever this is. I still don’t fully know how to get out of my dark place, but I’m trying some things. Cutting way back on caffeine and alcohol. Making sure to exercise every day, depending on physical ability. Continuing to make art and seek out things that bring me joy.

12. Today was pretty good, overall. Took a long walk with C., wrote some, got my favorite chicken tagine simmering in the slow cooker. LOTD came out, and I think at least half the copies have already sold. Tomorrow, we are taking the day trip we were originally going to take last week. Backroads & burgers & Big Foot Beach, here I come.

13. Sometimes I feel like I get weirder & wilder as I get older, not less. Certainly, my life is more staid than it was in my younger days, and even my appearance isn’t always as outlandish. I think I need fewer outward exhibitions of weirdness and wildness now that my internal life is so much richer. Not saying my internal life was totally dull when I was younger, but…to paraphrase Patti Smith, I’m better able to live my life with balance and stealth now that I proceed with abandon in art and dream.

#ashtrayfloors #dear livejournal #i don't feel like tagging this all obsessively like i normally do #so #proceed at your own risk #there's nothing too graphically awful in here #but there is some talk of mental illness and familial dysfunction

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diah-the-demon · 6 months

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yeah the vibe is different </3 it now feels less like a personal chat and more like a personal chat in a public space but what else can we do when tumblr keeps being homophobic TT-TT

yeah I hope so too!! I'll bring it up to her soon as we still have Sci-fi cons which we regularly attend bcs I think that'd be cool!

and aaaw that sounds adorable!! The Sci-Fi cons that I visit always have lots of kids that age running around with their plastik lightsabers and usually clone wars masks of Anakin and Obi Wan and it's the cutest thing to watch them run around and play out their ideas

yeah she probably won't ksjdlsk it's just that we're both so used of someone bitching at us for buying even the most necessary shit so we gotta get used to that no longer happening slkjdlsk I'll probably bring it up to her soon, maybe tomorrow after uni! Hell I can even pay for it myself, I still have a lot of unused money from the past few cons since I barely bought smth aside from postcards / small prints

ksjdslk you're going to have the sickest bookshelf if that works out! and I hope it does skdjsl But yeah that sounds like a solid idea as to where to put them!!

ooh I think with the shows coming out there should definitely be a spike on tutorials for them!! Though I highly doubt there weren't some to begin with with Star Wars being such a huge franchise!! (and yeah I think that could probably be a solid start!!)

Yeah that's also always what I have noticed (it's probably also one of the most comfortable options ngl skldjsk) I think attaching them is going to be the most tricky part but I bet there are tricks to do so very easily!

yeah it feels way more out in the open, like speaking into a microphone instead of like just a casual conversation sat at a table in the corner of the room.. we could switch to discord or insta dms if we want it less open but idk, feels weird when its not on tumblr

ooo that sounds like fun! i need to try going to a sci-fi con, i know they have some in edinburgh occasionally throughout the year so il see if i can maybe go there eventually

it was!! it was so fucking fun, i remember around that age me and my sister would have lightsaber duels occasionally, too bad the sabers were bad quality so i accidently broke mine when i hit it too hard </3 thankfully it was after halloween so i still had the saber for halloween, just imagine like an 8 or 9 year old with a darth vader mask and red lightsaber walking down a dimly lit street dsjdsslkdj

i remember when i went trick or treating later that day i used my vader helmet (well its more like a mask tbh, its only the front half of vaders helmet lol) as a bucket to keep my sweets and candy in dlskjdslkjds

thats fair i cant rlly blame you or her, it will probably take a long time to get over that (i know the feeling cause my mother is like that sometimes, its so fucking annoying. she does it less to me now cause i have my own money but still)

i hope it goes well when you talk to her about it!! i doubt she wont let you buy it but wishing it goes well anyways!! if you dont do it tomorrow tho do keep in mind the sale is i think only lasting 1 more week? (or until everything sells out) so dont leave it too long slksjdlskd

IK ITS GONNA BE SO COOL, id say my bookshelf is already pretty cool because ive got 2 shelfs of books (one is mostly manga and star wars books, other is recipe books and other misc books) i could put them in 1 shelf but ive done it that way so theres space on the shelf next to the books, so i can put the helmets next to the books!! thinking about it now i can prob get 2 on the bookshelf and then the other 2 could go ontop of it maybe, idk il figure that out when i get them dsjlkds

Edit: heres a pic of said book shelf, forgot to mention the (fake) plant that hangs infront of my manga!!! skdjd Ignore the basket on the second shelf of books btw thats just where i keep my socks rn lmao (and random clothes in the shelf below too sldjslskssjk, im working on it so ignore that)

Anyways i could totally fit a helmet or 2 in here, one where the origami book is and one where the basket is, then the rest can go ontop of the bookcase idk lol

oh yeah its def gonna be trending, i saw one for storm trooper armour a few months ago, not mandalorian but tbh they are close (i mean storm trooper armour was based on the clones armour which was based on mandalorian so it is connected lmao) even if there isnt im pretty sure i could probably figure it out on my own if i had to

i think the way il have to attach it is maybe velcro? cause pins could fall out and if i try to put it back on it will be in a slightly different area probably, so what im thinking is having small velcro patches put onto the body suit and some on the armour pieces!! probably wont work out how it is in my head when i finally do it but i can atleast have ideas until then lol

#lexy!

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graywyvern · 2 years

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( "i have a book to write, monochrome unreal engine" via nightcafe / via )

Dark Magic Carnival Party Pathway.

"Living through the Covid pandemic feels like some kind of Latourian horror story: what if a virus could exploit weaknesses in the social body, individualism, capitalism, and indifference to others the same way viruses exploit weakness in the body of a cell." --@unemployedneg (via @mckenziewark)

"Compared with free verse, the Welsh meters are an extreme sport, like kitesurfing set alongside paddling."

On having a canon

At the bookstore, it’s that time of year again. The phone rings, for a good part of the day, every 30 seconds or so, almost entirely students (or more often, their parents) desperately seeking what they’ll be in serious trouble without. The latest textbooks (up to $200 new), & sundry required reading (short novels with short sentences, in not-yet-superannuated English, without depicted fucking). Personally, i think that schools should provide free online pdfs of everything a student has to have, with the option of printing it out & binding separately for those who want hardcopy, but that’s a different heresy of mine, an interim one. --Here, i’m thinking about the Canon. Specifically, how it’s just like Tourism.

Before i ever encountered a packaged-tour Europa, i was already familiar with, along the interstate, those Designated Vantage Points where you pull your car over to take a picture that will be like everyone else’s picture who ever passed this way, of the Famous Landmark. It’s even worse when you get to be dutifully shepherded past Michelangelo’s David, or the Mona Lisa. (Keep the line moving.) The postcards are already printed, in a variety of price options, & they’re inescapable.

Lucky the tourist whose guide professes an idiosyncratic worship of Bernini (with gratuitous snark toward a few of his more illustrious contemporaries), or whose teacher wants to promote, as once mine did, Diebenkorn, or songs of the Wobblies.

Now, the terrible exigencies of state finance & political pressure have decreed, between them, something like a checklist of things that are to be tested on. And that’s really all that remains, for us, of the Canon. The Great Books are a project, like the Moon Landing or the Battle of the Bulge, that we sort of remember but never ever think about. There’s a lingering aroma of Humanism—but we can’t even call it by that name. Somehow we seem to know that Homer & Virgil are important (enough for a dollar’s paperback translation, anyway)—not that we nowadays care to bully pre-pubescents into plodding through Classical Latin or worse, Ancient Greek (say what?). The process has been streamlined, as befits us speedy Moderns.

Melanie when she went to SMU had a poetry anthology that included Mina Loy (although her name, sadly, never came up in class). I expected Zora Neale Hurston, but not Mina Loy. This is progress. (--No, only social progress is progress; canon inclusiveness is correcting old, stupid omissions or, sometimes, adding a signifier that students can barely be expected to feel the significance of adding. Once i was told by a woman who was educated in France, that Rimbaud had become part of the curriculum.)

They say it’s good for you, like exercise, taking vitamins. What i remember best is wandering lost in so many old, walkable foreign cities, the sheer wonder of it. –Much like being in Canada in the summertime, not intolerable to stay outside all day long, a revelation. I made my own discoveries: Caravaggio who made all the paintings round him seem out of focus; the sublimity of Vermeer—who unlike his fellow greats, is utterly betrayed by facsimiles. The touchstones of my heart: Delphi, Study for Three Figures at the Base of a Crucifixion, Berg’s Lyric Suite.

It isn’t just navigation, though I can tell you you shouldn’t visit Seattle without seeing the Troll of the Aurora Bridge. Maybe not even to know what’s possible—Elizabethan, English at its pre-mass media peak, but also Celan or Webern, who belong to specialists the way the intimate details of stars & galaxies are known mathematically by astrophysicists. Is there a medicine everyone needs to take?

Like Plato I do think it is necessary to create Citizens of a polis. Of course that has been irreversibly superseded by the Interchangeable Consumer. (Who only differ in spending-slash-voting clout.) Students as consumers who buy packaged subjects like they’d tour a little bit of Italy, a little bit of France. This doesn’t explain to them what landscape is, what history is, what travel is. Teach them how to tell when they’re being lied to, & when they’re being stupidly flattered. Let them know this planet is not the only world, this nation a nation as glorious & as vile as any other, this society a makeshift for a time & it came into being & will one day perish, like all the rest. Tell them they don’t need selfies to live, or meat, or orders, or money.

I chose my own ancestors. Maybe you don’t have to. You could get lost in the same streets, or different ones. I’ve pored over a dozen versions of the Aeneid, & even scrutinized certain passages of the original, very intently. I could care less for Hemingway, except his short stories. I didn’t read War and Peace until a couple of years ago. I continue to discover touchstones.

Like Mark Twain, I never let my schooling interfere with my education & you shouldn’t either.

(2015)

(version of an Ono no Komachi poem)

already faded, the colors of this flower while i have tarried in mere continuance, seen rain come & go on the glass

(2014)

Siddal, Halifax.

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sugawara-sweetheart · 4 years

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𝔳𝔦𝔫𝔡𝔦𝔠𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫 (𝔪)

(n.) to be cleared from censure or doubt, by means of demonstration

RA!oikawa x reader | 25/08

Warnings: face fucking, orgasm denial, spitting, masturbation, degradation

word count: 5.2k

part 1/12 of aphrodisia series

college is supposed to be the best three years of your life.

and it usually is. you’ve built so many memories here in the quaint campus town you’ve spent the past year living in. there’s the parties that stretch till the orange sun rises between pink morning clouds, music pounding in your ears and your body buzzing in drunken delight. there’s the amazing friends you’ve made with long, lasting connections that you can feel that strong emotional tie that bonds you together for life. there’s the coffee shop study dates, the night time adventures in the forests of thickly-knitted trees, your sight a whirlwind of bright, psychedelic colours and the satisfying warmth of passing a class and being one step closer to achieving your dream.

but good comes with bad. there’s times when you’ve been so hungry and scraped the ends of your purse, only to come up with enough pennies for a small packet of ramen to last you the night. there’s the overwhelming academic stress, assignments piling on assignments and marks scrawled on the front in angry red all looming over you like a heavy, grey cloud. and finally, the last of your problems came in the form of oikawa tōru.

you wouldn’t say devils belonged on earth but oikawa tōru was most certainly a demon from the fiery pits of hell- or rather RA hell. you often found yourself questioning what you did to the universe in your past life that was so bad that oikawa happened to be the resident advisor for your floor. he was likeable to everyone else, of course he was. he was handsome and tall and athletic, face chiselled and his big eyes a warm shade of brown, lips often tugged in a smirk that had girls swooning for him- and you knew that because your friends always insisted on hanging out in your dorm room, giggling as they caught a glimpse of oikawa as they passed by. but oikawa’s eyes would burn into you. you’d always feel them, raking over you when you’re leaving your dorm room in a tight dress for a night-out with friends. you’d feel them piercing into you when you’re at the campus starbucks and you always grimace when you’d see oikawa’s horribly sweet smile, sweeter than the pure syrupy frappucino he buys. you always hate how he wiggles his fingers at you, eyes crinkling with a grin you know is laced with so much cold hostility.

“y/n-chan, it doesn’t hurt to smile!” he sings at you whilst you curse him under your breath. but the worst thing about oikawa is that he has it out for you. he’s a predatory snake, slithering around for a chance to bite and whenever he can, he will.

this is where you are now. you stand in the centre of your room, arms folded tightly across your chest as you watch oikawa stalk around your space. you can tell he’s scrutinising your dorm room so carefully, peeling away as many layers of you as he can as his brown eyes gleam, narrowing at the photographs and postcards on your walls, smiling at the books scattered around, the pile of clothes on the floor. but he’s searching for more- maybe a candle amongst your beauty products and toiletries, maybe a corner of plastic carrying that white powder or green clumps sticking out from underneath your dresser, any pet fur or holes in the wall.

you’re trying to keep stoic, keeping your eyes fixated on oikawa as he spends his time peering into your bedroom but there’s still panic rising in you. you’re sure everything is in place- you brushed away all the cat fur off your bed from last week when you nursed a weak stray kitten back to health and your sealed packets of weed are hidden away in your sock drawer. there’s no way oikawa will find anything, even if he wants to. that nauseating panic dissipates as you see the sourness on oikawa’s face, his shoulders slouching as he turns to leave.

“bye now, oikawa. don’t come again.” you smile, chuckling at his scowl when suddenly he stops. you freeze as you notice that bright gleam in his eyes and the smile that stretches across. it’s the same look when he delivers a particularly hard serve in a volleyball match. it’s the look of winning.

“not so fast. what have we here, y/n-chan?” you stop breathing as oikawa strides across the length of your room to your wardrobe, his hand snaking into the slightly ajar door where he pulls out a can of gin and tonic, grinning proudly like he’d won a trophy. you swallow hard, a thick lump rising in your throat.

“that’s not mine.” oikawa frowns mockingly, feigning a look of confusion.

“oh really, y/n-chan?”

“yes.”

“so someone just broke into your room and decided to put a full can of gin and tonic in your wardrobe?” you wish it could’ve been a beer bottle, then maybe you could distract him and smash it over his big, annoying head. but you can’t so you grit your teeth, hands curling into fists.

“yes. i don’t know-”

oikawa cuts you off with his high, sardonic laugh that makes you growl quietly.

“come on, y/n-chan,” he looks so smug, making that hot anger tingle in you. “we both know this is yours. and it’s against the college rules and not to mention, illegal.” he sighs heavily, shaking his head slowly with little tuts. “it looks like i’m going to have to write you up.”

“oikawa…” you hiss warningly but he looks so utterly gleeful.

“you’ve had quite a bad streak already, haven’t you? what’s this now- the third offence?” you clench your jaw, the vein in your temple throbbing as you recall the two other times oikawa had written you up- once for a stupid candle you promised was just for decoration and the other for playing loud music just that one time. but this was much worse, a criminal offence and you remember how severe the dean had been the last time, how he told you if you kept making trouble, perhaps it’d be wise for you to find somewhere else to live.

you feel sick. your stomach churns and your hands tremble as you clasp them to your tight chest, trying not to feel nauseous.

“don’t write me up.” you say, hating the way your voice shakes. oikawa pouts and cocks his head at you, but he’s so insufferable, so mocking as he taunts you.

“it’s my job, y/n-chan. and some of us follow the rules.” he exhales heavily, shrugging but the corners of his lips are still twitching with a smile. “oh my, it really doesn’t look good for you right now. maybe you need to call up a realtor or check out some ads-”

“hey, don’t be so hasty.” you say, forcing a smile as you step closer to him. he regards you with interest, smiling further at your next words. “i’m sure we can settle this ourselves.”

“is that so?” oikawa smiles so widely, tossing the can into your bin carelessly. “well, what do you have to offer me?”

you hesitate. you’re the average college student and you’re broke, offering money would be a joke. you were both majoring in two vastly different courses, you couldn’t do his assignments for him either. free drugs? no, that’d be digging yourself into a deeper hole. you needed something quick, something easy but valuable- a one time thing.

you’re horribly aware of the way oikawa’s studying you, leaning against your wall so casually with a smirk and his hands on his hips. he looks so triumphant, so amused and you hate it. but you know how else he looks at you. you’ve seen how his eyes always darken, how they slowly rake over your body, taking in your curves and bare skin when you’re going out to a party. you’ve heard the way his breath hitches in his throat when you leave your shower cubicle in the morning just as he comes in from practise, your skin steaming and hair dripping wet droplets down the bit of cleavage that your fluffy bathrobe exposes. you know that despite the petty ways you and oikawa spite each other, he’s still attracted to you and…

what are you thinking?

you clench your eyes shut, rubbing at them as you try to comprehend the situation. it’s oikawa- the stupid, irritating, hellish RA or...it’s an eviction. it’s getting kicked out of convenient, comfortable college accommodation and having to find somewhere else to live in the middle of the academic year. not unless you did this. sure, oikawa was an insufferable man and you wanted nothing more than to make him choke on milk bread but you’d been with worse.

“i don’t have all evening, y/n-chan.” oikawa sighs, dismissively glancing at his nails. “so if you don’t have anything to offer, i’ll just write you up and be on my merry-” he chokes, spluttering as he springs up to his full height, eyes widening at your actions. “y/n-chan! what are you doing?”

you ignore the way the heat rises to your cheeks as you slowly unbutton your shirt, resisting the urge to shiver when the cool air meets your skin. oikawa’s scandalised, but he’s falling into the trap, his eyes looking so needy the way they follow your fingers, drinking in the view of your beautiful body.

“this is what i’m offering.” you say firmly even though your fingers tremble and your heart pounds against your chest. “come on,” you urge with a teasing smirk. “i’ve seen the way you look at me, tōru.” the way you drawl his name is the last step and oikawa completely falls into your trap. he steps forward quickly, his eyes fixated on your chest before they flicker up to meet your eyes and suddenly he’s leaning in.

“woah!” you cry, causing him to frown with confusion. “what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“i’m obviously trying to kiss you- or do you always start off a fuck with a handshake?” oikawa looks amused, cheekily grinning as you growl. you don’t even reply as you grab him by the brown, silky strands of his hair and pull him into you.

the kiss is messy. and needy. teeth clashing together as you and oikawa kiss each other hungrily, small, little, breathy gasps escaping him as you slide your tongue between his lips. he tastes of mint and you hate to admit it but he’s a good kisser, almost eliciting soft moans from you as he peels off your unbuttoned shirt. he pulls you closer to him, one hand wrapping around your bare waist and the other snaking into your hair, tugging gently to peel your lips away from his. you feel dizzy and breathless as oikawa starts to trail open mouthed kisses along the column of your neck, making you shiver and gasp as he sucks in the delicate skin.

“don’t leave marks.” you hiss, pushing him away with a rough hand at his forehead, making him laugh.

“y/n-chan,” he teases, trailing a finger along your collarbone just to make you squirm. “let me just remind you that if you don’t want to do this, i can just write you up instead. would you like me to do that?” he’s vicious. he plays ugly and he knows that because he looks so pleased whilst you just exhale heavily, brow furrowed with anger.

“no.” he beams.

“good girl. now take off your bra.” you smirk as you reach behind, unclasping the lacy garment but not without shooting a remark.

“do you even know how to take off a bra?”

oikawa scowls but his retort dies on his tongue when you slide off your bra, revealing your bare chest to him. he’s silent, eyes carefully taking in your curves, the way your nipples pebble in the cool air before he steps close to you.

“so you can look pretty.” he teases, placing his large, calloused hands over your tits, drawing out a small gasp from you at the coldness.

“don’t act like you’ve not been staring at me for months like a dirty, little per-” you break off when he pinches your nipple, his face contorted in an angry scowl as you hiss through gritted teeth. his other hand moves up to your shoulder and with a strong force and fingernails digging into your skin, he pulls you forward.

“you know, this is supposed to be payment for me and it’s not that enjoyable when you keep speaking so either shut up or i’ll make you.” the hand on your shoulder is heavy as it pushes you down, making you groan as your knees bump against the carpeted floor. you look up at oikawa, grimacing at his leering smile before your eyes trail down, meeting the outline of his hard cock straining against his white sweatpants. you almost want to laugh.

“god, you really are disgusting, aren’t you, oikawa?” his face flushes with indignation and as you laugh, he pulls down his sweatpants and briefs. as his cock springs up, hard and twitching against his clothed stomach, you fall silent and it’s oikawa’s turn to sneer. he wasn’t the biggest, probably ranging around average but his cock had to be the prettiest, his public hair neatly trimmed and the tip red and leaking beads of precum. oikawa watches you carefully, biting his bottom lip as he wraps his hand around his length, stroking it slowly with soft pants rolling from his lips.

“you’re really annoying, y/n-chan.” he says, reaching out for your head with his spare hand. you wince as his nails scrape along your scalp, fisting your hair tightly before he’s bringing his cock to your face, smiling crudely as he taps the leaking head against your lips. “so it’ll be nice to shut you up for a bit.”

as you open your mouth to spit back a nasty remark, oikawa’s hips snap forward and his thick cock pushes between your lips, making you moan at the feeling of your mouth being so stuffed. oikawa groans, the grip on your head tightening and making the pain burn, tears stinging in your eyes. but you know why you’re doing this. you curse oikawa in your head as you slide your tongue along the underside of his cock, along the thick prominent vein that has the fiendish man choking on a throaty moan, and as he yanks your head back, you’re quick to swirl your wet muscle around the sensitive tip.

“fuck- look at you.” oikawa chuckles, his voice deeper with lust. “you look like such a slut with your pretty lips wrapped around my cock.” you frown, feeling that flicker of anger as you prepare to remove your mouth but he’s too quick. he grips your hair so tight, you can’t help but cry out, muffled by his weighty dick in your mouth and suddenly oikawa’s hissing as his hips snap forward, sheathing most of his cock in your mouth. “don’t be rude to me, pretty girl. remember why you’re doing this.” that’s the last he says before he’s fucking your mouth, pushing his length into your mouth till the tip snaps against the back of your throat, making you gag at the sudden shock. oikawa’s lost in pleasure though, thrusting in and out of your mouth quickly with his head thrown back and strings of moans and slurred swears rolling from his lips. you force your throat to relax, breathing heavily through your nose as you let oikawa use your mouth, ignoring the way the weight of his cock on your tongue aches your jaw. it’s degrading too, humiliating as he fucks you like a doll, balls slapping against your chin and you look like such a mess, saliva and precum dripping down your chin, onto your chest with tears streaming from your eyes. oikawa suddenly pulls out from you, pushing your hair away from your face as you cough up the saliva, letting it all drool down your face as you gasp for breath, clutching at your throat.

“you okay?” oikawa doesn’t look the least bit concerned as he pumps his cock, your saliva glistening off his skin and wet, smacking sounds filling your room as you glare at him through your teary eyes.

“you don’t think you could’ve warned me before you fucked my face, dumbass?” you hiss, your voice hoarse after oikawa’s cock abusing the back of your throat. he simply beams, eyes rolling lazily to the back of his head as he continues to stroke his dick.

“consider it a surprise, y/n-chan. come on, let’s go again and you’ll be a step closer to clearing your offence.” you glower at oikawa, nudging yourself closer to him and opening your mouth obediently for him to thrust back in.

he’s needier this time, both hands gripping your head in place as his hips snap forward fast and abruptly and moans bordering on consistent, loud, desperate whines, something close to a sob. but you don’t even think you’ll be able to tease him, not when he keeps fucking your mouth so hard and all you can do is focus on breathing, not choking on his thick cock. your eyes tear up with every hard thrust against the back of your throat and you try your best to swallow, to pull out more of those desperate whimpers from oikawa whilst spit just trickles down from the corners of your lips.

“you’re so much better when you’re quiet and with my cock down your throat.” oikawa chuckles, smiling at you with heavy-lidded eyes as he removes one of his hands to stroke your dick-hollowed cheeks. then the hand on the back of your head pushes you further, forcing you to take more of oikawa’s dick into your mouth before the tip is nestled in the back of your throat. you gag and choke around it, drool spewing from your lips so messily and tears leaking from your clenched eyes. but oikawa’s moaning and you hate to admit how pretty he sounds, even when blood pounds in your ears and his cock is so deep into the back of your throat. “i’m tempted to cum right down your pretty little throat.” oikawa sneers and your eyes suddenly widen, convinced he’s ready to release right then and there but he finally pulls away, panting as you gasp for breath once again.

“you’re not always so bad, y/n-chan.” oikawa says as he pulls you up from your knees. you scoff, wiping away the saliva from your chin with a scowl on your face.

“you’re always bad, tōru-chan.” oikawa doesn’t say anything at the way you mock him, instead opting to push you onto your bed. you glare at him as he tugs off his t-shirt and sweatpants, leaving himself completely revealed. you hate to admit how nice his lean, athletic body is, his milky skin and the muscles of his chest and legs attractive. but you don’t get much chance to admire much more before he pulls downs your shorts, leaving you in just your panties before he’s settling between your legs.

“i don’t think i’m so bad when i’m letting you redeem yourself.” he sneers. “unless of course, you’d be willing to be evicted- ow, y/n-chan.” oikawa winces when you tug at his hair harshly but his eyes darken and suddenly he stands up and shoves your shoulders, pushing you onto the bed. he hisses as he flips you over, making you lie on your stomach before he tugs at your ankles, making you kneel before he presses himself up against you.

“you know, y/n-chan, i was going to be nice and prepare you beforehand but you’re just being so rude to me.” he says, little breathy pants escaping him as he grinds his hard cock against your clothed core. “besides, i don’t even think i need to. you’re so wet and i haven’t even touched you yet.” he was laughing at you, his voice irritable and sardonic. you only growl into the bedsheets, hating the way oikawa was right as he kneels back, admiring the wet patch on your pretty panties. “how pathetic of you, y/n-chan. did you really enjoy me fucking your face that much?”

“shut up, crappykawa.” you hiss but you can’t help the little moan that escapes you when he presses his fingertips against the soaked patch, the little stimulation against your soaked folds enough to have you whining and pushing up against oikawa for more. he cackles, an actual taunting cackle.

“fuck, you’re such a needy, desperate slut, y/n-chan.” oikawa coos, pressing against your back and bringing his face close to yours. his hot breath lingered over you, making you shiver as his teeth scraped your ear lobe, big, calloused hands reaching to palm your tits. “you’re begging to be fucked, pretty girl. you’re whoring yourself out-” oikawa cuts off when you snap around to glare at him, exhaling vehemently and your voice a vicious snarl.

“i swear to god, oikawa tōru, if you don’t just get on with it, i’ll-”

oikawa yanks down your panties roughly, the cold air immediately hitting your soaked folds and making you moan softly. you’re desperate, cunt throbbing and you’re biting back gasps as his rough fingertips stroke your pretty cunt before he’s trailing them along to your clit. oikawa’s breath hitches as he rubs, hearing a little moan pull from your lips before he’s removing his fingers and you can feel him stroking his cock.

“so wet- is this all for me, y/n-chan?”

“well it’s not exactly like it’s for my sleep paralysis demon standing in the corner of my- the fuck?!” you hear oikawa chuckle mirthlessly and then a cold, wet globule lands on your folds, making you shriek as you feel the head of his cock prod at your pussy.

“did you just fucking spit on me?!” you yell, turning your head to face oikawa. he looks so gleeful, smiling so wide at you.

“that’s right. here we go now, y/n-chan.” you gasp, choking out into the bedsheets as oikawa pushes his cock into you. the stretch is deliciously painful, the burn laced with so much pleasure as he sheaths his cock inside you. he moans loudly as your walls clench around him, letting the veins of his thick length drag against your velvet walls till he bottoms out, gasping and gripping your hips tightly as his hips press against your ass.

“be a good slut and just shut the fuck up for once.” oikawa hisses, groaning with the stimulation. you scoff, a snarl hot on your tongue as your head lifts but oikawa’s too quick; he growls as his fingers grip your hair, pulling harshly at your head to push it back into the bedsheets. you groan, muffled by the harsh way he presses your head into the comforter. “there we go, much better.”

then he’s slamming into you. it’s relentless, thrusts fast and forceful, the whole bed shaking as oikawa fucks you hard and fast. the pleasure surges through you, so bittersweet as its entwined with the pain of the tip of his cock nudging your cervix and the burning of him fisting your hair so tight. you can barely even breathe, choked moans and sobs collecting in your comforter but oikawa doesn’t care. wanton moans escape him as he fucks you, the room filled with the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin, that sinful squelching.

it’s clear that oikawa isn’t focused on you, not with the way one of his hands grips your hip so tightly you’re sure there’ll be bruises, and the way the other forces your head down. this is just about him, his pleasure, his payment, his sordid bribe.

“so tight, y/n-chan.” oikawa teases, punctuating his words with harder thrusts that has him exhaling. “don’t you get some?” you want to snap back a reply but you can’t, your attempts at words just incoherent vowels choked with moans. it feels good, his cock sending shivers of pleasure into you every time he slams his hips into your ass but it’s not enough. you’re hissing with the frustration, your wet pussy squeezing tightly around oikawa’s length, throbbing as you need more. “so desperate, so needy.” he continues. “you’re clenching around me so tight. i didn’t know you wanted me that bad, y/n-chan.”

“fucking idiot.” you curse out into the bedsheets but oikawa takes your muffled mumbles as a chance to push your head deeper, making your back arch more and the new angle has him thrusting deeper, making the two of you moan loudly. but it’s still not good enough and without any stimulation at your clit, you won’t cum. but clearly oikawa doesn’t know- or maybe he doesn’t care with the way he fucks you solely for his pleasure. you move one of your hands between your legs, your body almost toppling but it’s worth it to rub at your clit, letting warm pleasure fill you. but it’s short-lived because with a large crack, burning pain sears through your ass cheek.

“did i say you could touch yourself?” oikawa growls. “it’s like you want to be written up.” you want to sob, so desperate for enough pleasure to b able to release all over his cock as he continues to fuck you. oikawa thrusts faster and sloppier, chasing his own high with loud, whiny moans rolling from his lips, the harsh grip on your head tightening.

“fuck, fuck, fuck-” oikawa gasps as his cock twitches and seconds later, he pulls out, moaning over your desperate whines before he cums, three hot spurts of cum landing on your back.

“oikawa, you fucking prick!” you shriek, kneeling up to face him as the cum clings to your skin. “you just came on me- without even getting me off!” it angers you more to see oikawa look so relaxed, a dazed smile lingering on his face from the aftermath of his climax as he pants, his cock already softening. “oi, shittykawa!”

“well, at least i didn’t cum in you.” he merely smiles with a shrug before he stands up, getting your tissue box. you glare at him, scoffing when he pushes you onto your stomach and wipes the cum off your skin.

“yeah but i’ve not fucking cum at all!”

you’re whining with desperation, your throbbing cunt so wet with your slick running down your thighs as you clench around nothing, almost grinding into your mattress.

“are you really this useless, shittykawa? i’m going to have to make myself cum because your stupid, good-for-nothing cock can’t do a job right?” you want the vicious snarls to make oikawa’s face fall but he only seems amused as he sits at the end of your bed, leaning back on his palms with a lazy smile on his face.

“well, i wouldn’t be opposed to that.”

you scowl as you sit up, turning to face him as you spread your legs, letting him see your pretty pussy glistening with your slick. you shudder, sighing as you begin to rub your clit, slowly building up the pace and not removing your eyes from oikawa’s hungry gaze.

“you’re so fucking useless.” you snap, gasping as the pleasure begins to build. it tastes so sweet, so satisfying as you dip your fingers below, sliding them through your slick folds. you’re so sensitive, so needy you can’t help but gasp and jerk at the gentle touch, eyes fluttering shut and a low moan escaping you as you slide one finger in, your whole body slumping against your headboard. it feels so good, pure, warm pleasure rushing through your veins as you pump your finger in and out of your squelching pussy, your walls so sensitive as you brush them. “fuck, my fingers do a better job than you.” oikawa smiles, tilting his head as he tears his brown eyes away from the way your pussy clenches around your finger to meet your eyes.

“really? so what, you think you can make yourself cum on your fingers?” you laugh, your chuckles mixed with gasps of pleasure as you begin to pump faster, inching your second finger towards your hole whilst your thumb rubs at your clit.

“of course i can- it’s you that can’t make a girl cum.” you’re panting now, pumping two fingers in and out of your cunt fast and hard before moving your other hand to your mouth to slide your tongue over the pads of your fingers. oikawa’s eyes widen as he watches you rub the wet fingertips over your hardened nipple, a whine pulling from your lips as you buck your hips with need. “this is how you pleasure a girl, you dumb fuck. you can’t even make me feel half this good!” you choke out more moans as you slide in your third finger, the stretch burning slightly but you’re so close as you bite your bottom lip. your legs quiver as you enjoy the way oikawa looks so drunk and needy watching you fuck yourself on your own wet fingers. “your cock could never reach this far.” you hiss with venom. the coil in your stomach is so tight, so ready to snap, just a bit more…

“do you even know where the clit is or are you just pure stupid?”

you’re laughing through your pants of pleasure as oikawa’s face flushes and he scowls with indignation.

“hey!” his humiliation was the final push over the edge and as you curl your fingers deep in your pussy, that coil snaps. you moan, back arching and vision going white as pure pleasures explodes through you, making you jerk and shake as you ride out your orgasm on your own fingers. you can feel oikawa’s hungry stare on you, his eyes widened as he drinks in every moment of your orgasm.

you pant as you remove your fingers, grimacing at the way they’re coated with your release. you’re about to reach for a tissue but stop, noticing the way oikawa’s staring at the glistening slick on your fingers. he’s needy.

“what, you wanna suck on my fingers? clean up all my cum?” you laugh as oikawa’s face reddens but he doesn’t refuse when you crawl towards him and kneel over him, smiling as you push your fingers into his mouth. oikawa’s brown eyes are fixated on yours, the hunger in him so evident as he sucks around your fingers, moaning at the taste of your release. you scoff as his tongue flicks at your fingertips, shaking your head at the insufferable man. “fuck, you’re so disgusting. dirty, pathetic boy.” oikawa slips his mouth off your fingers with a wet pop, scowling at you.

“you’re so mean, y/n-chan.” he whines yet there’s a hint of a playful tone apparent. “i’ve got half a mind to actually write you up, maybe also include how rude you’ve been to your poor RA.” he starts as you throw him his t-shirt, your eyes cold and angry.

“don’t fucking try it, shittykawa. now get out before i make you choke.”

oikawa sighs and laughs as he pulls on his clothes swiftly, picking up his trainers at the door as he ruffles his messy brown hair.

“let’s leave that for the next time you’re about to get written- sorry, sorry, i’m going!” the door slams shut as oikawa narrowly misses the hairbrush that you send whirling across the room.

taglist: @crushingonsuga

to be added to the taglist, please send an ask to @super-noya or myself

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joealwyndaily · 3 years

Text

Joe Alwyn: The "Last" Interview

The last film that made you cry: Nomadland, saw Nomadland a few times and there are a few moments in that, that maybe got me a little bit. I love that film a lot

The last letter received: Sadly, probably from the tax man which isn't very romantic but got to be done at some point

The last letter you wrote: I think I wrote a few letters in lockdown, I was away the first part of lockdown and I wrote some letters. I wrote a postcard, 'cause I was abroad, to my Granny letting her know what I was up to and kinda checking in with her

The last song you listened to: I honestly don't know what the song was, I was listening to some of the new J. Cole album earlier which is called The Off-Season. Does that count? It's not really a song, but an album, but that's what I was listening to earlier

The last book you read: A book by a really brilliant Irish author called Eimear McBride, a book called The Lesser Bohemians

The last series you watched: Well I've got a long way to go but I'm currently watching the US Office which I'd never seen before

The last emoji you used: A laughing face emoji

The last present you gave: I bought a jacket for a friend of mine, which was the same jacket as a jacket I have which he really liked so I bought one for him

The last food you ate: About an hour and a half ago, and it was fish and chips and it was great

The last sport you played: I played Callum [Turner] in tennis a few times recently

The last app you opened: Whatsapp

The last person you texted: My dad, checking in with him 'cause I haven't seen him for a bit

The last time you danced: Probably was a few weeks ago, there was a birthday party here for someone filming and yeah, might have had a little dance then

#joe alwyn #interview #i love this!

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youareinlovees · 3 years

Note

Please do the transcript

(Link to the interview)

Last film that made you cry?

I saw Nomadland a few times, yeah there were a few moments in that, that maybe got me a little bit. I loved that film a lot.

Last letter you received?

The last letter I received, was sadly from the tax man, which isn’t very romantic, but it must be done at some point.

Last letter you wrote?

I think I wrote a few letters in lockdown, I was away for the first part of lockdown and I wrote some letters, I wrote like a postcard – cause I was abroad – to my granny, about what I was up to, and kinda checking in with her.

Last song you listened to?

I honestly don’t know what the song was, I was listening to some of the new J Cole album earlier, ‘The Off-Season’, does that count? It’s not really a song but yeah, that’s what I was listening to.

Last book you read?

A book by a really brilliant Irish author called Eimear McBride, The Lesser Bohemians.

Last series you watched?

Well I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m currently watching the US Office, which I’d never seen before.

Last emoji used?

A laughing face emoji.

Last present you gave?

I bought a jacket for a friend of mine, which was the same jacket as the jacket that I have, which he really liked, so I bought one for him.

Last food you ate?

The last food I ate was about an hour and a half ago, and it was fish and chips, and uh, it was great.

Last sport you played?

I played Callum [Turner] in tennis a few times recently.

Last app you opened?

Whatsapp.

Last person you texted?

My dad, checking in with him cause I haven’t seen him for a bit.

Last time you danced?

It was really a few weeks ago, there was a birthday party here for, uh, someone filming and yeah, might’ve had a little dance there.

#i finally know how to touch type so this was so easy #joe alwyn #lets talk joe

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partnersatfazbear · 3 years

Text

Japan Package

Yeah, another off topic post... I don’t really have anywhere else to put this, though! Maybe you guys can learn more about me. =:3

I’ve always been a collector, especially of things from Japan... COVID has basically killed that for me with EMS taking almost 2 years to return and the skyrocketing prices of goods and shipping. So, with that said, this will be my last big collection post for a very, very long time [in regards to Japanese merch, I am still collecting FNAF!]

Anyone whose read my blog knows I’ve been hyped for Legend of Mana HD Remaster... and I nabbed a few things last minute when it was announced:

A large rabbite plush! This kinda goes with my collection of yellow bunnies, so I splurged since it served more than one interest for me.

Elazul and Pearl from the Square Millennium Collection.I already had these at one point but lost Pearl along the way, so I replaced them.

Some Legend of Mana trading cards (they’re sealed) and Pokemon Gold playing card deck. This will Segway me into my Gold/HeartGold stuff...

Moo-moo milks! The top one holds cold/hot drinks and the bottom one is a metal thermos.

Lyra and co. I waited so long to complete my set for Johto... she was a pretty penny unfortunately.

A bunch of various Gold related items. I don’t know much about them. A keychain, a small toy, and a postcard book. I should probably mention I got these items before the Pokemon Scalping Craze of 2021 took effect...

Pokemon Stadium 2 CIB, Pokemon Gold CIB, some kind of physical Pokemon Heartgold thing (I believe it’s just the download card. I know it isn’t the normal game.) and finally, one of my grails-- a lightly used Johto Gameboy Color w/a cartidge of Gold.

Pokemon Johto themed Pokeballs! This was a premium Bandai exclusive. I got it for the GS ball, NGL. While taking photos, my wife noticed that all of them open... except the GS ball of course! I did get this used so it was missing the dispenser parts and candy, but I didn’t care. I have the stands and belt attatchments--so looking forward to having these when I eventually cosplay Gold/Hibiki/Ethan.

Another grail. I already had the Gold Pokedex and Pokegear. I decided to get the HeartGold Pokedex/Gear. I haven’t tried it out yet!

Since Pokemon relates to Digimon, I’ll post the tiny amount of items I got. I no longer actively collect in this community outside a few unique items that I may want, so this is the end of my Digimon collection for the most part.

Not much to say regarding these. I had an atrocious time getting the shot glass the first time around, so I finally buckled and got it via a proper proxy. Weregarurumon, although a plush I don’t particularly like, was one of the last I needed to complete the line of plushes for the Gabumon line.

I’ve been after the Tsukuda Hobby Misato Vinyl figure for years. I finally snagged her. I’ve always loved this line, but sold most of it a long time ago. I don’t really have a huge collection for Misato, but she was always my favorite and I like this piece to represent her in my collectibles.

Jack from Radiata Stories. This was to complete my Star Ocean Trading Arts set. I also got the remainder of the Valkyrie Profile Trading Arts I was missing, but I didn’t picture them because they were thoroughly wrapped and I don’t want to lose pieces when I move.

My MAIN collection is Star Ocean: the Second Story (and all of it’s iterations). If I ever make an exception to my no major packages importing rule, this would be why. An Amanesis keychain, a calendar and a small pocket book.

Okay, maybe I lied... my MAIN collection is Aerith Gainsborough... I love and adore her; always have!

Aerith photo cards! I guess they were from Skytree? I don’t remember... Also some cards for Star Ocean EX, Pokemon Gold / Silver, and Ayumi Hamasaki.

More Skytree items! These are edible. One is a bottle with hard sugar candy and the others are various suckers w/edible flowers!

It took all I had not to cry when opening the music box... lol

Lastly... I was going through some bad times last October and I really rediscovered my love for Ayumi Hamasaki circa 1999-2001. I really wanted to embrace it and went a little nuts =:p If you haven’t heard her work, I highly recommend it. In fact I think A*BEST is probably my second favorite music album of all time. It’s in my top 3 for sure!

A photobook. Some CDs! Remember how much I love A*BEST? I got the anniversary edition. Included a book, CD/DVD/BluRay combo, a shirt, and a special collectors box. AyuMiX and M~ were replacements because mine are worse for wear nowadays. LoveAPPEARS and the blue CD are new. The blue CD is actually a release BEFORE Ayumi Hamasaki’s first single--it’s pretty rare! I’m excited to hear it!

A keychain, flipflops, and a stationary type set w/a binder, clear file, stickers, ect.

An uncommon Ayu-pan! She is proportional.. as opposed to the chibi design they normally have. And a mousepad! Sold at one of her early concerts!

Vinyl records of her singles: M~ and Endless Sorrow.

A CD single style keychain and a card for Endless Sorrow rounds out the lot.

It’s been an adventure... and I’m really sad to see it end until things settle down again, IF they do...

I wanted to say I have almost all the non essentials packed for my move, so I may be able to post some actual FNAF content in a week or so! =:3 Thank you for checking out the fun with me!

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hjh-ceilo-monster · 3 years

Text

Dear letter... To you... (KTH)

Summary : There was no connection between these two strangers accept a letter in one’s hand.

Story inspo : a story from a wedding

Author POV.

*click*

The camera captured the scene of an empty alley. It was just another ordinary day for everyone to wake up and start their routines. In this little town, almost everyone knew each other-despite a few unfamiliar faces who might appear around the street.

Kim Taehyung was one of them, a wanderlust soul. He found this little town not long ago on a travel site. Visiting this beautiful and classic area for a week, he could tell that he fell in love, even if; there was nothing much to attract a large group of tourists.

*click*

Taehyung snapped another shot. This place was nothing but calming for him. He took a turn at a random corner and met with a local restaurant. Taehyung opened the wooden door. The bell shimmed as a signal of a new customer.

“Good day sir, what would you like to order?” Taehyung looked above the waiter for a menu.

“Any tradition dishes?” Taehyung asked. Every dish seemed to look the same since there were no note up on the board.

After having description from the waiter, he decided his dish. A waitress, who finished preparing a table, gestured Taehyung to take a seat.

“What would you like for today?”

The door opened and closed from time to time. Taehyung was still in the restaurant and enjoyed his meal. He looked through a photo album. He was so busy with his camera without noticing that someone approached him.

“Sir, can this lady have a seat here? The restaurant has no seats available at the moment.” The waitress interrupted him. Taehyung didn’t look up, but nodded as an answer.

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

Taehyung POV.

I felt like I was acting rude. However, I didn’t know how to start a conversation with the stranger either. I sat in silence and continued to play with my camera-taking the picture of the lake outside the window.

A glance at the person, but I only met a journal book. The person behind the book was so focused on the paper. Drawing or writing? I looked at the actions and kept those questions in my head.

I then put my attention back into my camera. I snapped a few shots and checked them. I did it again and again like a loop, not caring for the stranger who sat opposite me.

And both of us continued sitting there in silence.

“Have a good day miss.”

I looked up and met with an empty seat. The loud bell sound then appeared out of nowhere. I assumed that might come from a clock tower nearby. I checked my watch and gasped.

“I’ve been here for hour and a half already?” I started packing my camera and some postcards that I didn’t finish writing.

The moment I stood up and stepped toward the door, one of the waiters stopped me. He handed me a piece of brown ripped paper and a postcard.

“These aren’t mine.”

“It was on your table, sir.” I didn’t care about it that much and put both into my pocket.

‘What a tiring day.’ I thought to myself. I strolled down the eat part of the town today. The beach was nice. I could feel the breeze wash over me and left a fresh sea salt scent.

“What could it be?” I picked up the thing I got in the morning. Inspecting the handwriting, it must belong to that stranger. She surely had a neat yet unique handwriting. I assumed these were a part of her journal.

There were a few translucent color dots on a paper. She spilled something? She painted? I flipped the paper and searched for any clue to find her. Fortunately, there was something.

“Interesting.”

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

Author POV.

2 years later

“Any meeting?” Taehyung asked his secretary to check his schedule. He had been busy for awhile after his father stepped down from the position.

“Sir, you have a meeting around…” His secretary reviewed his schedule.

“For the project, we have an appointment with the artist in the evening.”

The secretary closed her iPad and left him in the elevator. Taehyung went up to another floor before he left. He then stepped into his office.

“Sir, the artist arrived.”

After he ended the call, he stepped into a metal box. The door closed and the digital screen ran a set of numbers as he went down.

“Here is the copy of their plan.” Taehyung received the file and scrolled through the plan. Checking the details, he decided to wait for their presentation.

Everyone stood up and bowed to him as a greeting when the glass door slid open. He took a seat and the others followed.

“Shall we start?” When he asked, a woman stood up from her seat. She walked toward the screen that had already prepared the presentation.

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

Y/N POV.

‘Here we go.’ I thought to myself and the glass door slid open.

The CEO stepped inside the room. His every step echoed in the room-making my heartbeat went faster. When we all took our seats, I then noticed his feature. He looked young, probably around my age. His posture was calm yet intimidate.

“Shall we start?” Ok, y/n, you got this. I stood up with confident. I tried my best to look calm. If anyone could read my thought, they would know how nervous I was.

I started by explaining my inspiration a little bit before moving on to the concept and its details. It was nerve-wracking since the guy stared at me throughout my presentation. I felt him monitoring my moves, and that made me anxious.

“Is there any question?” Now, time to face the real anxiety.

I was right. He then started asking millions of questions about my idea.

The scribbling sound was loud and clear. I was now sitting in the CEO’s cabinet. He noted down the details while I explained. He dismissed everyone from the meeting half an hour ago since their working hour was end.

“Have we ever met before?” He asked a random question out of the blue.

“I..I don’t think so.” Why did I stutter?

I saw him smiled a little. Did I say something wrong? He knew me before? I was sure that I didn’t meet him before. My forgetful self started recalling his face.

“My secretary will contact you for our next appointment.” I nodded and stood up-ready to leave.

“Oh, can you leave your personal contact? In case, we have to call you for the urgent work.” I then left him my personal contact and left the place.

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

Author POV.

With the contact you left a week ago, Taehyung always messaged you. Even if it was about work, you were a little puzzled. Is it common for that huge interior company to let the boss directly contact any worker (even though you weren’t his employee directly)?

The clock was ticking. The sky gradually changed its shade. Everyone continued working on the job as usual. Taehyung was so busy surfing through the site and gallery of the artist. Lucky that he had his own office because if someone found him smiling like an idiot in front of the screen right now, they would think he was weird.

“I’ll see you soon.” He spoke to himself while looking through your work.

After Taehyung met you, to say Taehyung was head over heal into you wasn’t an exaggerated liar. He was even more obsessed with you when he saw your handwriting. He got his answer that you were ‘that’ stranger.

“Why are we here today? I thought we are going to work on the project.” You and Taehyung got closer after a week of him messaging to you unstop about work (A/N: *Ahem* work you say?)

“Well, this is also work, is it not?” His boxy smiled plaster his face.

“At the art exhibition?”

“Yeah, because I want learn about them. It can help me better understanding what you are doing and fuse them into my collection as well.”

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

Taehyung POV.

‘Is that excuse work?’ I looked at her face. She seemed to not catch my real intention. I still put on my signature innocent smile-using it to persuade her.

“We better to be hurry then. Today we also needed to buy my equipment.” I succeeded. She entered the place without asking any further.

I snapped many shots when we were inside. She was so passionate about the exhibition. I usually preferred a peaceful atmosphere while walking in the exhibition hall. However, the way she kept talking about each piece of art, I didn’t find it annoying or boring.

“You seemed to be into this piece. Do you want it to be the main pantone of your collection?” I got out of my head and nodded. She then chuckled lightly.

‘Ah, I embarrassed myself, didn’t I?’

“Ok, we should leave then.”

We were here for a few hours now. She was lost in her world. When she picked the colors, she wouldn’t forget to ask for my comment. If I approved, she would be happy. Her eyes glowed thousands of lights. I couldn’t help but stare. She was indeed passionate about our work.

‘Our?’ When I realized that I used that word, I somehow felt a tingle feeling inside.

“We can get out of here soon. Do you think this is enough?” I snapped back to reality. I then met a cart full of art tools.

“I think these will do.” I emphasized the word these to remind her that it was enough.

“Sorry, I picked them for personal purpose as well. Hope you won’t mind.” I gave her a disbelief look while she grinned.

“If you mind, you can cut it from my salary.” She pouted and wheeled the cart.

‘Cute’

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

Author POV.

Little by little, you fell for Taehyung. It was a feeling that gradually develop without your notice. By the time you realized it, you had already established your status with him.

“And again, you bring me to somewhere out of our schedule.”

“And you like it as always.” You rolled your eyes and entered the restaurant.

Entering a familiar elegant restaurant, a waitress led you both toward the VIP table. Guess who booked that?

The waiter then approached your table and left the menu on the table. He stood there and waited patiently for your order. You finished ordering your meal in the blink of an eye since you only had one fav dish. However, for Taehyung, it took ages to order.

“Why is it so quiet today?” You asked. You glanced around the floor and saw no one other than your table.

“Oh, I booked the whole floor today.” Taehyung answered it as if it was a normal thing to do.

“You did what?” You looked at the guy with a shocked face. He noticed your expression and chuckled.

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

Y/N POV.

This was unbelievable. Why on earth did he need to book the whole floor? I had no idea of what was on his mind. Being close with Taehyung, I learned one thing. That one thing was sometimes you needed no rational thought to do something.

The quiet atmosphere then got replaced when a musician started playing some tunes. The soft melody filled the air.

‘He is up to something?’

I monitored his expressions and actions, but I didn’t get the answer. I couldn’t keep the curiosity any longer. I opened my mouth to fire out the question.

“Please, enjoy the meal.”

‘Lucky you, Tae.’ A waitress interrupted me before I could ask. Both of us started eating our meal.

I felt the meal was more delicious. Is it because of the atmosphere?

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

Taehyung POV.

‘Phew she didn’t ask anything yet.’ I thought to myself while eating the meal. Thanks to that waitress, she didn’t get her chance. I didn’t want her to know my surprise just yet.

Curious right?

Today, I booked our favorite restaurant to discuss on the work like always. It looked ordinary until here. Now, the surprise plan will start.

I signaled a waiter who stood beside. He knew that it was the time for the special menu. Waiting for a bit, a box finally landed on the middle of the table.

“Open it.” I ordered her. She gave me a suspiscious look before carefully opened it.

*gasp*

“And that is your answer.” I spoke. I knew what she was about to ask before our meal arrived.

— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —

Author POV.

“That was such a lovely story. I could see ladies in the venue look jelous at you both.”

Wedding day

The MC spoke. Taehyung give his signature smile. He isn’t shy about it. You can tell that he is bragging your story to the audience.

“And I told her about the letter. I still remembered how she was surprise and then her face flush. It was really cute.” The audience awe at him.

“Ok, we will now moving on to the surprise of tonight.” Taehyung glance at the MC. He remembers that the next thing is throwing the bouquet.

“You didn’t expect it, did you? Since you gave me such a surprise that day, I am going to give you one today.”

You look at your husband who look so lost. You chuckle at his expression before 2 staff step on stage with a gift. They then hand it to him and you wait for his reaction.

“Oh my god.” He looks shock when he tears off a wrapper. It was a sketch of him from the day you met him.

“So is this why you didn’t have any conversation with me or even look at me?” He smirks and teases you.

“There are more.”

The MC now hand him a box which is much smaller than the first gift. He shakes a few time after recieves them. When he know that isn’t going to help him to guess, he open the bow.

He gasp so do the aucience. His eyes filled up with tears. His hands are shaking. The MC take the little gift out of his hand and show it to the audience. The audience go wild. The cheering and whistling sound echo in the venue. You then grab the mic and speak.

“Congratulation my dear, you are going to be papa.”

Author note : This story was inspired by the story from a wedding of my friend’s cousin. Her cousin met his bride because he found her note. Their story then began. My friend told me the groom’s comment about the bride. “I thought the handwriting was beautiful. When I finally found the owner, she was more beautiful.” It sounded cheesy, but that was their story. I hope you enjoy this one. See you in the next os.

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btssavedmylifeblr · 3 years

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I forgot to send on my voting story. Ok so my brother and I both got mail in ballots, and let me tell you how we both forgot to mail it in so we just thought to bring them to our voting location. The lady there kinda yelled at us? She was confused and didn't know how to go about it. And honestly I just took it because we were the idiots who didn't mail in our ballots. We had to rip them up and they just us new ones to fill out in person and submit. Not exciting, but a story for void snippet. 👀

Anonymous said: Hi!! I'm so excited for void! I voted today around 30 minutes before the polls closed in my neighborhood because I had to wait for my dad and brother to get home from work since they wanted to go all together hehe. It was a pretty fast process! We just pressed buttons on screens (compared to last election where we had to bubble in everything by hand) plus, I got to keep the stylus that they gave us and it works on phones too! 🥰🥰 Thank you! I love your writing so much 💜💜💜

Anonymous said: I did mine through mail me and my husband did and we went to the post office a little while back and then he took us on a nice little date afterward and we got ice cream! Also I love void💖 keep up the good work

Anonymous said: VOTES FOR VOID??? I love democracy and I love VOID! So since May I've (temporarily) moved back home from New York to Indiana RE: covid; I've voted absentee for the both the primaries and presidential election (I'm still in IN rn...blah). I voted early and mailed in my ballot for the presidential election (about 3 weeks ago). Made sure my family was voting (brother mailed it in, mom dropped off a ballot, and dad did early voting) and encourage them to put up a Biden sign in our yard <3

Anonymous said: HI BEE! I ALSO VOTED TODAY! IM 21 SO THIS IS MY FIRST TIME VOTING FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION (my 18th bday didnt make the cutoff since im a december bday) im so happy to have done my part! I made sure to study up on the judges and policies and everything! Luckily the polling place didn't have a line so i was able to get in, get my ballot, and fill it in right away! I even dragged my mom and cousin to come with me. I made a joke on snapchat to encourage my friends to vote too. It was a pic of my "i voted" sticker with a caption saying "omg youre so sexy when you vote aHaha" -🦙

Anonymous said: this is my first time doing this so, so i hope i’m sending this correctly! i voted early in late september by mail! i live in a swing state, so it’s really important for me to vote and not waste time!! bc of my age, this is my first time voting so i’m really nervous 😅

Anonymous said: I voted by email! I'm overseas so I wasn't sure if my ballot would actually make it through in time, so I decided to go electronically. Had to sign a waiver saying I understand that my vote won't be anonymous but I haven't been given a reason to suspect voter suppression/fraud in my state, so I'm happy I think...!

Anonymous said: hi, i voted early on oct 24th. my absentee ballot didn't come in, so i had to travel back home to vote (~3 hour drive). when we got there, there was a ton of people outside the polling place, but no lines, so i was in and out pretty quick. it was my first time voting, so i had all the candidates i was voting for written down on a tiny receipt so i wouldn't forget 😅. my mom was with me, so she voted too. took a pic with my sticker (mask on for extra covid-ness) and went home. drove back the next afternoon!

whippedforkook said: Hi Bee. 💕 I voted in early October - nearly a month ago! 😱 It’s been really weird with all the lead up to the election because it felt like it should have been done once I cast my ballot! A lot of my friends have volunteered to get out the vote: writing postcards to voters, texting, phone banking, working the polls, curing ballots. I didn’t volunteer at all this year, but I hope that all of my friends’ hard work and everyone else’s is enough. I’m also hoping and praying that I will be in a better place mentally for 2022 so that I too can volunteer. Our work starts with 2020 not ends. 💕 Wishing you well. 💕

begineuphoria said: I went and voted last Friday as it was our last early voting day. No way was I going to wait until today with the crowds of people in my area that still act as if masks are somehow infringing on their rights. 🙄 It was a rather normal experience for the most part. Other than having to use a coffee stir stick to press the buttons on the machine to vote. In and out within five minutes.

Anonymous said: I voted down the street at this pretty park this morning. I got up at 5:30 and it was freezing. Luckily I wore like 30 layers and stood outside for 2 hours. Some nasty orange man supporters were rude but everyone else was pretty nice. A really cute older couple was playing soccer with pine cones and kicked it towards me to play too. Not the worst time tbh.

Anonymous said: Did mail-in voting in California! Extremely exhausting and took forever to research all the propositions - they are notoriously tricky in hiding their flaws and one side tends to outrageously outspend the other. But in the end I felt really good about my research and decisions! No need for you to post a snippet for this story - would like to save that to read sometime in the future ;) Thank you so much for doing this!

joonsgotthejuice said: Votes for void??? I am here! I went last Thursday and it was chaotic bc I kept going past the poll place but the line was soooo long so my mom called me and woke me up like "its pouring rain and the line is super short get up I'm gonna pick you up" so thats the story of how I got dressed in 5 minutes and dragged my ass to vote in the rain <3

Anonymous said: i voted early on thursday it was cold and rainy but i went in the late afternoon and thankfully the only waiting i did was a few minutes for an elevator i got very lucky and while waiting for the results is awful the relief that came from voting in general was just great

Anonymous said: Wheeew the polls just closed and I finally got to cast my ballot yayyy ( I was the one working the polls from earlier) it’s been a really really long day and we actually had surprisingly good turnout. I saw a woman try to vote for someone else who claimed to be “helping” and I saw a woman who I’m pretty sure was on some typa something 👀 Overall though I really I’m really thankful for people like you who encouraged people to get out and vote. I hope the odds are in our favor❤️🤞🏼

chelsea-chee said: Hello Bee! Today surprisingly my elderly father wanted to vote so I brought him out with me. He only cared about voting for Biden, which meant I got to help decide who he should vote for with the rest of the candidates and amendments! Say hello to baby bee for me as well! 💖

Anonymous said: Okay I gonna got a chance to vote today and the process wasn’t that bad actually. I went in just now and it wasn’t that busy( thankfully) so no lines. I’m from Texas and it’s gonna be almost impossible to turn this state blue, but every vote counts! I love that you are getting people to vote and also sharing your experiences as well!

owl-orgy said: Dropped off my mail in ballot at a polling location! I originally wanted to vote early in person because I was worried my signature wouldn’t match closely enough but ended up just turning it in and double checked today to make it said “ballot accepted and counted”!

Anonymous said: I voted in person this afternoon, better late than never I guess. I was gonna go last week but then I got cramps from hell. There was no one in line in front of me, I think my county early voted because it was packed everyday the last few weeks

Anonymous said: I voted early a couple weeks ago. Exciting thing though that did happen was I got both my parents to vote for their first time ever.

Anonymous said: I had a mail in vote. So, I filled it out and dropped it in at the ballot box at my library. (I also checked out books for the first time in years, so I had fun!)

bubblyjiminnie said: I literally just finished voting. Lucky for me, the line and wait wasn’t very long, and it was a nice enough day that the short amount of time I had to spend in line outside of the building wasn’t too bad. My social anxiety when it comes to stuff like this tends to be high but that’s what I get for waiting until Election Day instead of going the mail in route. This was only my second time voting, but I’m glad that I did 😊

Anonymous said: I turned my ballot in last week :) I’m not a big fan of crowds and I hate make spur of the moment choices but despite that the first time I was able to vote back in 08 my Mom pressured me into voting in person because “you’d have to experience it at least once in our life”. And ever since then I comfortably vote by mail. I take my time, do all of my research, listen to music, and best of all don’t have to deal with people.

Anonymous said: here in Washington state it’s super easy to vote. I dropped my ballot off in mid-October and it’s already been accounted for! Mail in voting and drop box voting is fantastic and provides equal opportunity and access. Sad to see some people in red states misinforming Americans about it! We also have a referendum for implementing mandatory sex ed, including teaching respect, empathy and consent as part of the curriculum so I was happy to vote yes on that too!

unionrox006 said: I voted about 2 weeks ago by doing a mail in ballot. The other eligible to vote members of my household did the same. We chose to vote by absentee ballot because both my mom and I have an autoimmune disorder, so we have to be careful going out in the pandemic. Tbh, the ballot layout was a bit confusing at first as was all the paperwork and required IDs and documents. But my dad explained it to me and we got them filled out and mailed off. Kinda mad I didn't get a sticker for it though

bluetostone said: Love this and so excited for the next chp of void! I early voted a few weeks ago and because I live in a pretty rural county I was in and out of my polling place in a few minutes. No sticker though 😢. I live in a swing state so it could go either way in terms of delegates. Just praying everyone is safe tonight as the results roll in...though, won't we not know for sure for a couple of days or weeks?

Anonymous said: My mom, sister, and I received our early voting ballots a while ago and I took the longest to fill mine out because it was making me anxious :,( but I did return it before it was due. I checked our ballot statuses and mine and my moms were accepted but my sister’s said they hadn’t received hers back. Then she got another ballot so she filled that one out too and I took it yesterday 👍👍 I think she got two because she changed her address late so they sent two?

vixsynsblog said: Non-interesting voter story: I'm paranoid and live in a highly divided area, so I filed mail-in ASAP, mailed it a few days after cause neighbors are nosy and don't understand boundaries. Was able to track my ballot through my credit company, which was nice. Only thing I was missing was my sticker. Never got one✊😔. So I had to improvise and write it in pen on my disposable mask. I'm working all this week so if riots break out from either side, I'll be at work. Prayers for the safety of others🙏

______

Waaah!!! Thank you all for voting!! You are all my heroes. I am so grateful and proud of you. I’m sorry I ran out of time to respond to you individually. I’m going to drop two big scenes from Chapter 7 in gratitude (one of which will be familiar to my patrons and one won’t). I’m hopeful I will have the whole next chapter out very soon. Love you all!

Void spoilers below the cut.

When you wake up in the morning, there are still no signed HR forms in your messages. Had you been a fool to think they were interested? How much time does it take to decide such a thing? Perhaps just by putting the idea out there explicitly, it had lost all of its taboo appeal.

There is a calendar reminder waiting for you: Today is chili pepper pollinating day. At least this gives you an excuse to talk to Hoseok.

You find the science officer in the lab as always, sitting with his knee up against his chest. Hoseok doesn’t look well. He’s got dark circles under his eyes.

“Hey, um…” You shuffle your feet. Want to fuck me? No wait…“You don’t look good. Were you here all night?” you ask.

He blinks at you, bleary-eyed. “Um, was I? Yeah.. I suppose. Lost track of time.” He rubs his eyes, before looking you up and down, then casting his gaze back to the floor.

All you want to do is ask about the forms. Or the meeting. Or what he thinks of you now. But you don’t. “I need to pollinate the chili peppers today.” Usually Hoseok is the person who assists with that. “But I can get one of the other guys to do it if you need the sleep.”

“No!” Hoseok lurches forward, standing up a bit to rapidly and needing to put his hand back on the bench to steady himself. “I mean, I’m fine.”

You should disgaree with him. He is exhausted. But you’d like more time to talk to him.

Pollinating the chili peppers is both time-sensitive and time-consuming, hence why it took two of you to get the job done. There were no insects on your ship to do the job for you and if they didn’t get pollinated, they wouldn’t bear any fruit. Your chili peppers were your favorite crop. Not only a vital source of Vitamin C, but all your food benefitted from having a bit of spice added to it.

You and Hoseok head for the greenhouse together. The intital set-up gives you something to talk about in the beginning. Hoseok gathers the pollen from one flower onto a paintbrush, then hands it over to you to paint onto the stigmas of each little flower on the next plant in the line.

Slowly the conversation dries up as you fall into a silent rhythm. Other than just enjoying the chili peppers, you must admit that this was one of your favorite tasks on the ship because of the high likelihood that the two of you would brush hands peridically. Always gave you butterflies. But today he seems extra intent on keeping his distance from you. Was he disgusted by you now? His hands are trembling.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

His hand twitches so hard that a little rain of yellow pollen cascades onto the floor. He curses in frustration before turning to face you. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Um, yes, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“This, um, plan of yours…” he gestures to the vague tension in the air. “It doesn’t feel like you.”

“I’m trying to save the mission. That has always been my top priority.”

“Yeah, I’m still not clear on how this benefits the mission.”

“Yoongi said…” you start to say, but are cut off my Hoseok’s derisive snort.

“Look, if you’re in love with Yoongi, just go date him, okay? Don’t feel obligated to include the rest of us out of pity.”

You frown. “I’m not… I’m not in love with him. It’s just sex. Just biology.”

“This isn’t you!” Hoseok argues back. “You hated the idea of anyone of us ever treating you that way. And now you just want all of us to… to… use you like that?” He splutters out the end of the sentence.

“No one is using me! This is my plan! I’m in charge!”

He sighs. “Well, I can’t be a part of it. Excuse me.”

______

Taehyung finds you in the gym. It’s good to see him up and about, even if his arm is still in a sling.

“Hey, so I need to talk to you about this, um, ape sex thing.” He fishes awkwardly into his pockets and pulls out his tablet. Maybe Jimin was right. Is Taehyung going to be the first to take you up on your offer?

You pause your jog on the elliptical machine. You wish you weren’t so sweaty and gross for this conversation. Taehyung is such an intimidatingly attractive man with those strong eyebrows and that perfect skin.

Taehyung opens up the tablet and flips to the form. It’s happening. He’s going to sign the form. Shit. Then what will you do? It’s one thing to say you want to have sex with your whole crew, but what if he’s hoping to go right now? You need a shower.

Taehyung has really nice hands. Long strong fingers delicately navigating the touch screen. It seems totally improbable that a man this attractive would be into you, even if you were the only woman in the universe. It just adds to your suspicions that hormones are driving everyone crazy. Perhaps if you slept with him once, he’d lose all interest.

He finds the form and then turns his gaze up to you, staring you down with those eyes. It’s a good thing that Taehyung rarely turns his full gaze on you, because it is almost too much to bear. Shit, is he just going to sign it? Is he waiting for you to give him some sort of signal?

“You can’t do this to Jimin,” he says.

“What?” Not what you were expecting. “Do what to Jimin?”

“This.” He gestures over the HR form. “Signing these forms with everyone. Having sex with everyone. You’re going to destroy Jimin.”

“Jimin’s the one who suggested this whole thing in the first place.” It’s a lie. You know its a lie. Or at least a gross exaggeration. But Jimin was the one who first brought up the idea of sharing. All for the benefit of the man in front of you now.

“No way.” Taehyung scoffs, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. “No way was it Jimin’s idea that you sleep with the whole crew.”

“Well…” You can’t bear his gaze anymore and look down at the floor. “He wanted me to sleep with you.”

That surprises Taehyung. He puts down the tablet. “What? Why would he want that?”

This is awkward. “He, um, thinks you’re in love with me.”

“What?” There is only surprise on Taehyung’s face. It’s actually a relief to see that Taehyung is just as shocked by that idea as you were. “Why does he think that?”

“I don’t know…” You feel kind of dumb now. Of course, Taehyung doesn’t feel that way about you. Look at him. “Cause you told him you were jealous. Cause you can’t stand to be in the same room as us…”

Taehyung bites his lip. “Oh, um, shit, sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

If Taehyung isn’t jealous of Jimin...

“Taehyung…” He looks up, biting his lip. “What did you mean? Who are you jealous of?”

Taehyung’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead he reaches for his microphone and mutes it. Out of respect, you mute yours as well. He glances toward the camera in the corner of the room, then stands up and begins unzipping his jumpsuit.

“Um…” You are distracted by the golden arms that peak from either side of the tank top as the zipper reaches his groin. “What are you doing?”

“Need something to block the camera.”

“We have towels,” you mutter. But he’s already stripping out of his shirt. The musculature of his back ripples. He hangs the shirt off of the camera to block the rest of the room from view.

“Yeah, but this way anyone watching will think we’re having sex.” His chest is just as attractive as his back and you flush at the sight of it. Mercifully, he zips back into his jumpsuit as he returns to his position in front of the exercise machine.

“You want them to think we’re having sex?”

“Don’t you? It plays right into your whole save the mission with bonobo sex plan.”

“I suppose.” Though the plan was also supposed to be that there would be no more secrets between the crew. “What plan of yours does it play into?”

“The one where Jimin doesn’t realize I’m in love with him.”

“You’ve never tried to tell him?”

Taehyung laughs wryly and shakes his head. “How would that conversation go? Hey man, I know we’ve known each other for years and I’ve already seen you naked and that you just think of me as a friend, but I’m in love with you. I know that’s awkward but now you have to spend the next twelve years with me, knowing that I’m attracted to you when you don’t feel the same way.” Taehyung sighs. “Doesn’t sound like a good plan to me. If he doesn’t feel the same way, I’ve just ruined the friendship for nothing and then I don’t even have that.”

“Yeah… I get that.” There’s something touching about realizing that Taehyung has been fighting the same battle as you for the last two years.

“I couldn’t tell anyone before launch because what if they wouldn’t let me go then? You know?”

“Yeah, the director wasn’t big on sending anyone who might ‘complicate’ the mission.” The two of you share a sad knowing smile.

“Yeah… And I thought it would be fine, you know? I like women too. I’d just date women until launch and no one would know. I wasn’t planning on falling in love with my roommate.”

“I don’t think any of us really knew what this would be like.”

“I knew it was going to be a problem. I should have pulled out…”

Your mind flashes back to that moment of doubt when Hoseok talked you into still coming on the mission.

“But I couldn’t just let him go off into space without me. Even if he’d never feel the same way, at least he’d still be in my life.”

The emotion in Taehyung’s words makes your eyes begin to mist. “You really do love him.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung sighs again. “But he’s in love with you.”

“Well, he thinks he is.”

“What does that mean?”

“He only feels like that about me cause he thinks I’m the only option.” You wonder if maybe he would feel differently if he knew about Taehyung’s feelings.

Taehyung frowns and shakes his head. “You don’t give him enough credit.”

“Oh come on, you know him. How many women did he date while we were in training?”

“A few…”

“And how many of them was he in love with before he found the next one?”

Taehyung bites his lip. He can’t really argue with that. “So why are you with him then, if you don’t think it’s real?”

You shrug, rubbing your arm. “He wants me. It’s nice to feel wanted, I guess.”

“You know you could have that with any man on this ship right?”

You scoff. “They’re all suffering the same delusion. It’s only-available-vagina syndrome. I just want us all to fuck and get it out in the open. Maybe if we could get it out of our system, they would see I’m nothing special. And then we can get back to the mission.”

Taehyung eyes you up and down. “You don’t give yourself enough credit either.”

You shrug. “You wait and see. Jimin will get bored of me. They all will.”

The two of you both slump backwards in your seats, mulling over your shared woes. Taehyung bends down and picks up the tablet again. “So what should I do with this?”

“Obivously, you don’t have to sign it. I should have realized that not everyone would be interested.”

“Jimin thinks I’m in love with you?”

“Yeah…”

“Is it okay if we let him think that for now? At least until I figure out how to tell him the truth?”

“Okay.”

Taehyung smiles and signs the bottom of the form, then sends it to you. Your phone lights up with a message. “Thank you,” he murmurs before he leaves.

#I'm not going to answer asks about the spoilers right now #because I want people to be able to avoid them until the chapter drops #but that should be sometime in the next week or so #votes for void

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msotherworldly · 3 years

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The Black Rain: Chapter One

In my previous posts, I mentioned my series in progress, The Children of Pandora, and how it was technically a multi-protagonist project. While Eradica is the main protagonist of the books, Insula and Rowan also have their own occasional books. The chapter below is the first in Rowan’s story - like The Blue Door, it’s still in need of editing.

If this whole multi-protagonist business sounds confusing, check out my earlier posts. You’ll be introduced to the characters, their stories, and my comparison to Narnia on how this functions.

CHAPTER ONE: THE POSTCARD

The afternoons when I could be alone were the best, because they were also a relief. Outside, clambering over the rusty playground and dodging around the scattered beer cans, the children played. The place, with a few stunted shrubs for it’s fence, was filled with litter: there was a discarded tire, a few cardboard boxes, and some dirty clothes. The children used them as their toys, but I had my own toys to play with.

From the window, I could see the mountains. They partially blocked a watery sun, which already fought a swath of cloud. I didn’t know that day would seem bright, when compared with the ones to come. I didn’t know a lot of things, such as what Dad looked like.

I only knew his handwriting. I turned the postcard over. The writing was spidery and small, but I had looked it over at least once a day for the past three years. I flipped it over to the picture on the front: palm trees swayed in the wind, casting long blue shadows over the fancy cars and the newly paved roads. There were green hills, and a beach side resort with shirtless old men and grinning, skinny twenty year olds, most of them blonde. I had bought into a myth of my own making: if you stayed in the sun long enough, it turned blonde...but you had to live where it was hottest.

At eight, that myth seemed flimsy. I curled a strand of brown hair around my finger, which was also brown, but sort of gold.

The Palm Tree Place, where Dad lived, was like something from a dream. It was funny how it made me deeply happy and deeply sad at the same time.

“What are you doing up here?” a voice hissed. Ms. Brocklehurst ambled into the room. A Seagull Anthromorph, she was a confusion of frayed feathers and pinstripe clothes. Her skirt was bunched around her knees, and her jacket was too loose on her thin frame. Glasses slid down her sharp, dirty beak.

“I was just-”

“If you don’t get down, I’ll switch you good.” Ms. Brocklehurst’s beady eyes narrowed. “Actually, I think I will anyways. You’ve already disobeyed me, haven’t you?”

“Please, I was only-”

“Bend over.” Ms. Brocklehurst took a cane down from the wall. “Now.”

A lump formed in my throat. Hot tears spewed from my eyes. Mom always said I was a baby. What was the word she used? Ingrate? That’s what I am.

The pain thudded over my back, and I screamed. That was bad, but I couldn’t help it: it whistled through the air. It hit harder. It bit. I screamed louder. My eyes were glued to the floor. A piece of it peeled away.

Whoosh, whap, whoosh, whap. The sounds were so gentle, but they felt so hard. I tried not to count the hits. That always made me hope, and that made it worse somehow.

The next hit didn’t come. I remained bent over. Snot streamed from my nose. The floor was a blurry mess, like a painting.

I heard the cane being hung up. That was such a happy sound. I heard a stomp of taloned feet, squeezed between black shoes.

“Down, or I’ll give you another set.”

My back burned as I straightened myself. My whole body ached; my legs stung, and it was hard to move. I was stiff.

I shuffled past worn beds with identical gray coverlets. The walls were gray; everything was. It matched the cobwebs that hung in the corners. It matched the rickety stairs that had been brown, but were now rotting and bleached from too many days of sun exposure.

I stopped at the foot of the playground. I realized I was still holding the postcard. I shoved it into my pocket. I wore a pair of jeans that were always sliding down. My pink hoodie was baggier, or I was just too skinny.

I saw Emma Ruth skipping along a hopscotch she had made from snapped twigs. I wandered over to her, smiling.

“Hi, Emma.”

“Hi, freak.”

“Can I play?”

“Sure. Just don’t touch me. I don’t want to catch your freak bug.”

I hopped along behind her. I felt oddly cheerful. It was one day at a time, right? Also, nobody was hitting me. That was always a plus.

“Do you ever think about your parents?”

“Don’t talk to me.”

“Maybe they’ll come back for you. Or maybe a rich man will come here and adopt us all. And he’ll check back in to get any new children that come in. And then Brocklehurst will sell the place to him. He’d be a billionaire, and he would make his money selling children’s clothes. But he’d buy all our clothes for free!”

“You’re really stupid, aren’t you?” Emma hopped along behind me. We went in a circle. “That stuff only happens in storybooks.”

“My dad wrote to me right before I came here. It was his only letter, but he told me how palm trees grew. He talked about coconut milk and-”

Emma shoved me to the ground. My head hit the edge of the playground box, and pinpricks of light, golden and white, flashed across my eyes.

Emma looked big, though she was only a tiny girl in a dress, red and white and checkered like a picnic blanket. She crossed her arms, her blue eyes growing small. “Just leave me alone, freak.”

A mean picture came into my mind: Emma’s dress on fire, her face as she screamed. I brushed the picture away. How could I have a thought like that? How awful! It wasn’t Emma’s fault I was weird. What if I could give it to her? I guess I’d be afraid too. I didn’t want to hurt Emma. The meanness was gone, leaving behind cold.

And she’s sad too. We all are. We’re in the same boat.

A bell rang. Children rushed past me. I stood up. My butt was damp. I realized the grass was wet, glinting in the gray-gold light. It must have rained. I wiped my hands on my jeans; the palms were stained green.

I was sure I would have hated school, even if it was a nice one. Math just didn’t make sense, though the other children seemed to get it, and science was sort of creepy. I only really liked art and language.

Ms. Brocklehurst passed out our papers. We had been tasked with essays. As usual, mine was covered in red circles, red underlines, and red comments. These said things like, “Do you hate commas, or are you just dumb?” There was also, “My brother could write better than you, and he’s illiterate.”

The comments might have bothered me, but Emma Ruth’s paper looked like it was dripping with blood. I know it’s mean, but it’s kind of awesome, too.

We were asked to write short stories. This was the part I liked. I flew into another tale about a lost prince and the king who had sent him away because dragons were looking for him. He lived alone in a cottage, but he could see the castle from his window, surrounded by palm trees. The king drank coconuts for breakfast, ate pineapple for lunch, and dined on mangoes and watermelon in the evening.

Emma snickered. “You’re writing that story again?”

“I like it.”

“You don’t have much of an imagination, do you?”

I blushed. “It makes me happy. I wasn’t going to publish it or anything.”

“I hope not. Otherwise people will be vomiting everywhere because it’s so bad.”

“You’re just unhappy because your stories get picked on too.”

“Excuse me? You don’t know anything, freak.”

My face was on fire, and shame coated my stomach. “I didn’t mean...but I understand, Emma. I like your stories. I’m glad they have happy endings.”

“You’re mocking me.”

“No! My favourite was the one with the golden haired Elf. I’d run away with him in a heartbeat, though I probably would make us move somewhere warmer than in the story.”

Emma stood up. Her chair scraped over the floor. She raised her fists. “Keep talking.”

“Okay.” I didn’t understand sarcasm. “Um, I liked the one with the blue Dragon, too, and how it had green polka dots. I probably wouldn’t date him, but he was really cool.”

Emma’s fist connected with my lip. It felt dull, the pain spreading in a blanket through my whole jaw. I fell to the floor. The chair caught my elbow, and I yelped. I could still hear the wet thud in my head; the moment replayed itself through my spinning head. I pressed my cheek to the floor. It was cold, and felt good on my hot skin.

“What in the name of Genitrix-”

“She made fun of me!” As I rolled onto my back, Emma pointed to me. “She made fun of my story!”

Ms. Brocklehurst glared at me. She slapped a long ruler in her hand, before trotting forward. She stood over me. “Up! What are you, a dog?”

I scrabbled to my feet. I sank into my chair. I wanted to cry that it wasn’t fair, but what good did that do? I pressed my lips together, keeping the tears in.

“Put your hands out.”

She’s just doing her job. I spread my fingers out over the desk. Below them lied my sketch of the prince. He had brownish gold skin, brown hair, and eyes that were so dark they were almost black. His lips were full, his nose wide and hooked. He looked just like me, except that his hair was cut short, almost a buzz.

Mine hung down my back in a lank ponytail. The prince also has a shower everyday. He bathes on the beach, and waits for the king to collect him.

The ruler came down with a slam. It was louder than the cane, but less painful. Even as I teared up, I couldn’t help thinking how funny that was. My fingers wrinkled back, bending at the knuckles. She hit me three times. That was easy to count.

Addition is the only math I like. I felt dazed. My stomach growled. Was it the hunger or the pain? But subtraction sucks. I only like the math where numbers get bigger.

Ms. Brocklehurst stocked to the front. I resumed my story, like nothing had happened. Because nothing did. She’s doing her job. She thought I was being mean, and that’s okay. So she was wrong. So what? If I had been mean, I would have deserved it. I glanced at Emma. She’s just scared, is all.

A second voice, the one I thought of as The Meanie, answered me. Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better.

I will. There’s no need to be gloomy all the time, or nasty. Gloom settled in the pit of my stomach. Despair clutched my heart like a hand. My chest sank on the inside. My eyes stung.

“Not fair,” I whispered. I glanced at Emma again. “I’m sorry.”

“Huh?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be mean.”

Emma furrowed her brow. She returned to her writing, shaking her head. All around me, pencils scratched. I wanted to read all the stories. Weren’t they all good in their own way?

A delightful idea came to me. I had to struggle through math first, and the equations made me weep—literally. I was dreading algebra when I got older. That was when math stopped making sense for everybody.

When class was over, I rushed to enact my plan. It was like clockwork: the kids tossed their last stories into the recycling bin. They dumped out their books.

I knelt by the blue plastic container as they filed out. When the last kid, a Dog with Rottweiler markings named Jimmy, trotted out, I shoved my arms, elbow deep, into the paper. I plucked tales and drawings from the mix. I ordered them carefully, clicking them against the floor to make them straight.

When I had collected them all, I had a fat, albeit unbound, book in my arms. I scurried up the stairs, ecstatic over my treasure. I didn’t have any books to read, but now I could read everyone’s stories.

I flipped through the papers, knees pulled to my chest. I sat on my bed. I felt like a jeweler, surrounded by gleaming rubies and emeralds.

I found Emma’s story, and put it at the front. The heroine (who always looked like Emma, with blue eyes and blonde curls) was falling in love with a Bear this time. She took half a page to describe his bulging muscles and glossy fur.

She’s going to be a great romance writer someday! The story made me happy and warm all over. I decided it was my new favourite.

I put my story at the back. It wasn’t that good, and I knew how it went. When I had read through all the stories, including mine, I pulled out the postcard again. Even though I loved Emma’s tales, this would always be my favourite thing to read.

I closed my eyes, smiling. I sank into sleep. In my dreams, I saw the palm trees, and a sign with the postcard’s address: Similo, Sapphire Crest, Calidi, Queen Street, 4321.

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youvebeenlivingfictional · 4 years

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I’m Always Curious Part Four

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist Notes: Not beta-read. Summary: What was typically intended to be the last five minutes of my shift spent with the Captain for the sake of clarification would turn into twenty or thirty minutes of conversation - and it usually veered sharply from the report.

That was hardly the last time I was invited to Pike’s ready room. Number One, Spock, and Nhan were there sometimes; now and again we were joined by Evan Connolly. Sometimes it was just me and Number One and the Captain. But, increasingly, it was just me and the Captain. In those instances, I had usually gone there to get a report signed off on, or to clarify a detail that he claimed to be fuzzy on (I didn’t always know if I believed him, but what reason would he have to lie?). What was typically intended to be the last five minutes of my shift spent with the Captain for the sake of clarification would turn into twenty or thirty minutes of conversation - and it usually veered sharply from the report. “We had two horses... And we used to take some food and ride all day,” The Captain smiled, arms folded on his desk. My report had been forgotten, set aside in favor of a far more interesting conversation. I had learned that the Captain was selectively nostalgic; get him talking about Mojave, it would somehow pivot to a conversation about Starfleet, but if you managed to get him on the topic of horses? Well. Good luck.

“I was more of an indoor kid,” I admitted, “A lot of reading-- A lot.” “Is that where the interest in language came from?” Pike asked. “Partially,” I nodded, “There was an older woman that lived downstairs-- Orion, didn’t speak any Federation Standard, but she spoke High and Lower Orion, and all of the books she had were in High Orion. She taught me her language, I taught her ours.” “How old were you?” Pike asked. “Oh... Seven when she moved in? Mom worked late and I was alone in the apartment after school, and... I tended to get myself in trouble without something to do.” “It was just you two?” Pike asked. “My dad was employed by the Federation as a diplomat, he wasn’t around much. Got some cool postcards, though.” Pike nodded. "Did learning Orion push you to learn more?” “In pieces.” “How many languages do you speak?” "Fluently? Six.” Pike whistled low. “Impressive.” I shrugged a shoulder. “It’s not bad...There’s a Kelpien on the Shenzhou that can speak ninety four.” Pike’s head tilted, brow arched in disapproval. I’d come to recognize that look; I was subjected to it when I compared myself to other crew members or other people. I held my hands up in mock surrender, and he chuckled. “Does your dad still work for Starfleet?” He asked “He retired to a colony in the Laurentian system. Well, ‘retired’,” I brought my hands up and put quotes around it, “He’s the head of a holochamber repair company, it keeps him pretty busy.” "Explains where you get your penchant for staying occupied.” I turned my head at the sound of Number One’s voice, giving her a small smile as she stopped beside my chair. I hadn’t even heard the doors to the ready room open. “Well, luckily for me, there’s always plenty to do,” I said. “Admiral Caerson has requested to speak with you,” Number One informed the Captain. Pike’s demeanor shifted and he straightened up in his seat, nodding. “Of course.” “I’ll get out of your hair,” I said, standing. Pike plucked up the PADD he’d set aside and signed off of on the report (had we even discussed it? I couldn’t remember), passing it back to me. “Thank you, Captain.” “Of course, Lieutenant.” I gave Number One a quick nod before I leaving. -- “May I?” I looked away from my PADD and notebook to see Una standing with her food. I glanced at Spock, who had yet to look away from the report he was going over. “I have no objections, you know I’m always happy to have your company,” I smiled. She slid into the seat beside mine, peering down at the notebook I’d been jotting in. “War and Peace?” She questioned. “Just a translation exercise. A conversation I had with Captain made me realize my High Orion is getting rusty, I wanted to get back to it,” I said, setting my pen down in favor of picking up my drink. The look that Spock and Una shared was not lost on me. I raised a brow, glancing between the two of them. “Is there something the two of you would like to share with the class?” I asked, leaning back in my seat. "You and the Captain have been spending a lot of time in one another’s orbits lately,” Una said. "Things have been rejiggered with Lieutenant Commander Thaleh on leave. Once she’s back, things will go back to normal, I won’t be on call as much or needed to clarify details.” "And your sparring sessions in the gym, would you attribute those to Lieutenant Commander Thaleh’s absence as well?” Spock asked. I opened my mouth to answer, only to find that I couldn’t. I shrugged instead, closing my mouth and picking my pen back up to resume my translation. Spock and Una resumed eating. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m expected on the Bridge,” Spock said a few minutes later, standing. I gave a quick wave goodbye, not bothering to look away from my PADD; I felt Una nod beside me. There was another few moments of quiet before Una said, “Why have you been sparring with the Captain?”

I felt my shoulders drop in irritation and I cast her a sidelong glance. “If you showed up at the same hour and offered, I would spar with you. It’s a matter of convenience,” I excused. “And if I may,” Una pressed, “What you were discussing in his ready room when I arrived earlier had nothing to do with a report.” She had a point there, at least. I fought the urge to squirm under her gaze, crossing out a mistake I’d made in my notebook. “We just...Got distracted, I guess,” I muttered. Una hummed, unconvinced. “You two seem to be getting distracted a lot these days.” I slammed my pen down onto my notebook, turning to look at Una fully. She had a pleased little smile affixed to her lips; she was always vindicated when she hit a nerve. I gave her a tight smile in return. “Well I’m certainly distracted now,” I groused. -- “Where’s your head tonight?” Pike seemed amused as he leaned over me, smiling. I couldn’t help but smile back a bit, despite how sweaty and tired I was; despite the fact that my back had just hit the mat for what had to be the fifth time that night and I had yet to take the Captain down once. I pushed myself up into a sitting position, shaking my head. “I don’t know,” I admitted. Pike lowered himself onto the mat beside me rather than help me up. “Is something wrong?” He asked, concern coloring his tone. “No,” I said, shaking my head. At least, I didn’t think it was. What Una had said to me had been on my mind for the last couple of days. It was one thing for me to be distracted where the Captain was concerned; it was another to imply that the Captain was at all distracted because of me. “I’m not sure I believe you,” Pike's words weren’t unkind, just matter-of-fact. “Nothing is wrong,” I reassured him, nudging his knee with my own, “I’ve just... I’ve got some things on my mind, I guess.” “Work related things or personal things?” “A blend of both.” “Sounds serious.” “I’m not sure if it is yet,” I sighed, sweeping my hand through my hair. “Anything I can help with?” He asked, “I mean I know I’m you’re Commanding Officer, but... Well, I like to think my crew can come to me with anything that may be bothering them.” I didn’t answer for a moment, feeling my stomach churn uneasily. There was no way I could tell him the truth. Burgeoning attraction to the Captain aside, I liked being able to speak with him, or spar with him, or share a knowing look when Una did something that was utterly Una, or when she and Spock started one of their back-and-forths.

I decided then and there that what Una had said was one of her little tests. As attracted as I found myself to the man, there there was no way he was interested in me.

I turned my head at the sound of my name dropping from his lips in a murmur. His eyes had narrowed with worry, and his mouth had turned downward in a frown. I shook my head a little bit, giving him a smile. “Nothing you can help with,” I said, “Just... Something I need to get out of my own head about.” “You’re sure?” he asked. I nodded. “If that changes, will you tell me?” He asked. I hesitated before I nodded again. He seemed to clock that pause, but he didn’t mention it. “Another round?” He offered.

“It’s getting late,” I said, pushing myself up to stand. I held a hand out for him, and he took it, wrapping his hand around mine and letting me pull him to his feet. He held onto my hand for a few seconds longer before letting go to grab his water bottle. We walked to the turbolift in silence, rode it in silence, and I turned back to look at him when I got off. “Night, Captain.” “Sweet dreams, lieutenant.” I smiled at that, wishing it didn’t warm me the way it did.

#christopher pike x reader #Christopher Pike #Chris Pike #christopher pike/reader #christopher pike imagine #I'm Always Curious

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willow-lane · 3 years

Text

I saw [WILLOW LANE] at a coffee shop in [BROOKLYN] today. I forgot how much [SHE] looks like [MADELYN CLINE]. They are a [TWENTY-THREE] year old [WAITRESS] who’s been in NYC for [A YEAR] now. Every time we run into each other, they are always [SPONTANEOUS AND FREE SPIRITED] but I’ve heard people say they can also be [NON-COMMITTAL AND SELF-INDULGENT]. [OUT OF THE BLUE BY KATIE PRUITT] reminds me of them every time it comes on the radio. / @villagestart

Hello everyone! I’m Ella and I’m super excited to be part of this roleplay and introduce Willow to all of you, she’s a new muse but she’s based on an old muse of mine so I think I have her figured out or mostly lol. I’d love to plot with all of you, so please like this or hmu. If you want my discord, I’d be happy to give it to you, just ask :D

basics

NAME: ava willow lane

NICKNAME: will, lolo, pillow

GENDER: cis female

PLACE OF BIRTH: burlington, vermont

DATE OF BIRTH: september 28, 1997

AGE: twenty-three

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual

OCCUPATION: waitress

NEIGHBORHOOD: brooklyn

background

Burlington was a dream within a dream, the station next to heaven. A town in love with itself and whose residents gloated about the wooded land, creased by hills, and threaded by streams.

The Lanes were living the typical American dream: the big house with the white picket fence, a large backyard and two perfect children. It was dreamlike.

Their kids could count themselves lucky and Willow Lane certainly did for most of her life. As the youngest daughter of a successful surgeon and a renowned psychotherapist who taught at the University of Vermont, she was taught that receiving an education was the only way to get ahead in life.

Her parents made sure to set their kids to success and while most of the kids from her street were out there playing, she was holed up in her room, reading the stacks of encyclopedia books her parents bought me for her birthday.

As a young child, Willow was filled with a sense of wonder, and encouraged by her curious personality she wanted to learn everything.

By the time she was in the sixth grade, she was smarter than most of the kids in her class, still her parents reminded her every day that she must outrank them all. Her parents took pride in her achievements. They were quick to boast about it in public, but they remained strict in private. Anything less than gold didn’t deserve a place on the wall.

Her afternoons were always full. Whether it was ballet class, french lessons, piano lessons or soccer practice. She had no time for herself.

Then high school started and by then she was overworked. Tired of chasing perfection and only being met with a “try harder”.

TW: DRUGS, ADDICTION, VOMIT MENTION, PANIC ATTACK: While she was still number one at her school, it was taking everything in her to keep it that way. Her parents didn’t know about those panic attacks she suffered at night or how she threw up before any competition. To them, she was handling well and she was very good at pretending but she also had a little secret. In her sophomore year, she was introduced to Adderall and she was quickly hooked. END OF TW

When she got accepted into a prestigious university, her parents didn’t hesitate to brag about how their kid would attend an Ivy League but Willow was mortified.

Back in Burlington, she was the biggest fish in the sea but at Princeton there were students who were better and shone brighter than her.

Maybe it was because she was suddenly cast into a whole new world that was so different from the one she grew up in. Maybe it was because she had harbored a bit of resentment towards her parents for her wasted youth. Whatever it was, by the end of her freshman year, university had swallowed her up.

TW ALCOHOL, DRUGS, DEPRESSION She got into a bad crowd, drank herself into oblivion, partied harder than anyone, and developed a penchant for bad boys who were much older than her. All this while trying to maintain a perfect GPA. Thanks to her magic pill, she was able to function and not feel guilty about not being as perfect as her parents wanted her to be. After all, she was only trying to recover the freedom that they took from her.

But this coping mechanism only turned to worse. The more she tried to drown her feelings in alcohol, the harder it came to bite her in the ass. It was clear as water: Willow Lane, picture perfect daughter, was depressed and had been for a while, and now it had caught up to her.

She was fighting a battle she was slowly losing. Willow was in a constant state of helplessness, staring into the void, and completely unable to pull herself out of it. If it hadn’t been for the upbringing she had, she would have been completely fine with self-destruct. END OF TW

The summer after her freshman year, she came back home and decided to have a talk with her parents. Her parents sat across the table, and they were not celebrating the end of a successful first semester, instead, they were fuming with betrayal.

Willow told them that she had dropped most of her classes and she explained to them how she was exhausted beyond repair. They were displeased, so disappointed that looking at them was painful. For the first time in their life, their perfect daughter had failed them.

By the end of the evening, her father was livid. Threatened her that if she didn’t take more classes and got excellent grades he would stop paying her tuition. That’s when it hit her. To her parents, she was nothing but an object, an accomplishment to brag about to her friends. That was not love, that was selfish and a wake up call.

She packed up her stuff that evening, went back to Princeton and emptied her dorm as well as she dropped out completely.

Freedom at last. With only a few bucks in her account, she bought a random bus ticket that took her to Montreal, Canada where she stayed for a couple of weeks, while working as a waitress before she moved to a new location. For the past three years, Willow has been living off a backpack.

She moved to New York a year ago, but she comes and goes. Whenever she gets bored or too attached to someone she escapes.

She’s been clean for three years when it comes to Adderall, although she still drinks but only socially.

personality

Despite her strict upbringing, Willow is a free-spirit! She’s always looking for a new adventure and she wants to live her life to the fullest, she doesn’t care about rules or schedules. She lives a pretty hedonistic lifestyle, always chasing a high in life and sometimes that makes her take some reckless decisions. A naturally loving person, Willow is always there to lend a shoulder to cry on or offer to wipe off your tears, however, she does struggle with connections. If she feels a deep connection with someone she runs away as she believes that being attached to someone will tie her up to one place and as we know, Willow lives a pretty nomad life. She keeps coming back to New York because she loves the vibe but when she gets bored or overwhelmed she leaves without warning. As loving as she is, she can also be ruthless and cold, especially when feeling vulnerable. She has a sharp tongue and it’s not afraid to hurt some feelings if that means shattering the pristine image some people have of her.

headcanons

She has a rib cage tattoo that reads “Eternity bores me, I never wanted it.” It’s a quote from Sylvia Plath.

Speaks French fluently and sometimes she likes to pretend she’s a lost French tourist just for fun.

Volunteers at the animal shelter. Because she doesn’t have a set home, she can’t have a pet but she loves animals.

Never has enough battery on her phone and sometimes she sings in the subway to earn some coins because she tends to forget her wallet.

Really good friends with the homeless woman who lives down her street, she brings her food from the restaurant.

Keeps many scrapbooks from the places she’s been.

Sometimes she goes to music stores and plays the piano, one of the few activities she enjoyed as a child.

Loves reading and whenever she’s not getting in trouble or working, she’s at the library.

Wears too many rings, so don’t try to mug her.

connections

Older brother: Willow has an older brother who followed her parents’ plan. He graduated college and now has a very important job. Willow hasn’t spoken to him in three years, even if he’s tried to contact her. She just doesn’t want any ties to her old life, including her family.

“Best Friend”: I put it between quotations because she doesn’t stay in one place long enough to actually form long lasting friendships but this person is the closest to that. She adores them and actually sends them a postcard when she leaves.

Partner in crime: As stated, Willow is pretty reckless and she does a lot of stupid shit but she’s always seeking for someone to be her partner in crime and just go crazy with them.

Co-workers/Clients: She works as a waitress at a restaurant (if your character has a restaurant let me know, bc idk where she would work).

Neighbor: She lives in a small apartment in Brooklyn with two other roommates, it’s not ideal but it’s what she has.

College friends/hook ups: Oh during her college year, she was a party girl and she made a lot of “friends” (She attended Princeton btw) and also hooked up with a lot of people (f/m/nb), most of them were older than her.

Flirtationship: She is a natural flirt and she doesn’t even try to hide it.

Unrequited: Maybe your character has a crush on her (and depending on chemistry maybe she does as well but since she moves often she tries to ignore it). It’s angsty, it’s fun, give it to me. (f/m/nb)

Hook ups: Y’all know the drill

Bad tinder date: Willow thought it would be fun to go on a tinder date and she proposed some crazy scheme and they both had to spend the night in a jail cell.

Roommates: She lives in Brooklyn with two more roommates.

#villageintro #tw alcohol #tw drugs #tw depression #this is SO long and for what

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