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thebad---catholic · 4 years

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Why I don’t think Azula should’ve gotten a healing/redemption arc

k so I made this meme a couple weeks ago

and I got a lot (a lot? Like 10 but that’s a lot for me) responses disagreeing with my post, which is fair because there’s really only a tiny subset of fans who fit into the “if you stan villains you’re a bad person” category, and Azula’s character (like most other things in atla) is fairly nuanced. I won’t dive into her personal psychology so much, just why I was satisfied with her arc as a viewer.

Note: I’m only speaking within the context of Atla. I haven’t read any of the comics or seen Lok so for the sake of this lil post those don’t exist.

Not enough time

Plain and simple, Azula didn’t have enough time for any sort of healing or redemption. She would’ve needed at least 2 seasons based on what Zuko went through. Adding more seasons for this purpose would feel kind of pointless. Maybe they should’ve explored this in other media but not within atla as the story works best as a tidy three season bit.

Along this same vein, I’m not viewing the show the same way as I would irl. If we’re being realistic, Azula was a horribly abused mentally ill 14 year old who most definitely should’ve gotten treatment. But this is a cartoon, where standards are a little different, which I’ll talk more about in a minute.

Iroh used to be a bad person/If Zuko changed so could she

This one is more complicated for me, but basically I view it like this. In the show, Iroh and Zuko display goodness before their redemption.

We see this with Zuko especially. He is banished for trying to protect the lives of fire nation soldiers from certain death. Twice he spares the life of his rival Zhao, even after that rival tried to kill him. In season two, he saves appa, risks blowing his cover to light lanterns for Jin, saves a town from mercenaries, and even when he’s robbing, he spares certain people (the pregnant woman for example) and mostly targets the wealthy. Zuko, even at his worst, had hard limits on his morality.

Iroh is more subtle. The most clear example comes from the flashback in “Zuko Alone” where Iroh gifts Zuko a dagger from the earth kingdom that he notes is of superior craftsmanship. This, to me, shows where the start of Iroh’s arc comes from: his appreciation of the other nations. It’s been noted before that Iroh has also mastered all four elements, even though he can only firebend. Redirecting lightning comes from waterbenders- likely learned before Iroh “turned good”. Even as their adversary, Iroh respects the people of Ba Sing Se for their resilience. (This again contrasts Zhao, who was so deranged he murdered the fucking moon just to win.) Finally, the dragons. Iroh is known as the dragon of the west even to people from Ba Sing Se- this means that he spared the lives of the final dragons before Lu Tens death. Like Zuko, Iroh shows mercy even when on the wrong side. Lu Ten’s death breaks Iroh because it forces him to finally come to terms with the fact that the fire nation is built on a lie. Fire nation superiority is a lie, and it’s one he’s known for a long time.

Azula doesn’t display any of these traits. The only time in the entire series where she apologizes is after she insults Ty Lee, and I’d argue it was an act of manipulation, as she quickly uses the apology to receive praise from Ty Lee. The beach episode is the only soft side we ever see to Azula, and all of her interactions can still be interpreted like my example. Was the comment about Ursa thinking she was a monster a slip of her mask or an attempt to “perform” like the others? We know Azula is a liar, so was she lying when she said ursa was right, or that it still hurt? Or both? And, mind you, I do love how this episode explores azula more closely, but I don’t believe being a nuanced villain makes you a redeemable one. Even as a child, Azula is cruel and takes pleasure in hurting Zuko, and animals, and her friends. She’s a master manipulator who makes friends through fear and intimidation. Imo, the only reason she doesn’t actually kill someone is because Avatar was technically a kids show, though that sure as fuck didn’t stop her from threatening multiple peoples lives. There is no action of Azula that signifies an ounce of good in her.

She was abused

1) a tragic backstory isn’t the be all end all of whether or not a character’s redeemable, and 2) So was Zuko. And probably Iroh and Ozai, and probably Azulan. The fire nation royal family is fucked up. Even if Azulan was a “good” father to Ozai and Iroh he was still a dictator who was grooming them to take over.

Having Azula be a puppet in her fathers game was an incredibly mature route for atla to take. Once again, it adds depth with a realistic take for Azula’s villainy. Very rarely are individuals born evil (enter nature v nuture debate here). Some of the worst people to ever exist were victims of abuse and neglect to varying degrees. Once again, though, this doesn’t suddenly render Azula open to redemption. And from a storytelling perspective, there’s parallels between Ozai and Iroh and Azula and Zuko.

Ozai continued the cycle of abuse, Iroh broke free from it, Zuko ended it, and Azula was broken by it. These are all things that happen in real life.

She’s 14

Oddly enough this is the argument that baffles me the most. I know I just said a whole lot about real life vs fiction, but I’m gonna pull the fiction card on this one. I can suspend belief with these characters and their ages. I don’t think any 12 year old could function after waking up from a coma and finding out his entire people were slaughtered and that he only had like, six months to save the world, regardless of his upbringing and power set. I also don’t think any 14 year old could lead a trio to infiltrate a city state, outsmart the shadow leader of said city state, and manipulate and entire little army for her favor.

There’s just a point where you have to suspend belief. The characters of avatar are fantastic, but are not realistic portrayals of people in their age group. Azula could be 14 as easily as she could be 25 and nothing about the narrative would change. The same is true for the rest of the main characters- even Aang, as youthful and fun loving as he is, also has more emotional maturity than anyone in the gaang, and more than most adults i know. If you want a realistic example of a child working through trauma, try Lilo from Lilo and Stich. Not anyone from Atla

Not everyone needs a happy ending.

This is ultimately what it comes down to for me. I like Azula as a villain. I like Azula as a villain who stays a villain and who is driven insane by power and paranoia. I like Macbeth. Azula is a tragedy- and that’s what I like.

So there ya have it folks. That’s my take. I’m writing this at five am with very little sleep, so please forgive typos and whatnot. I feel like maybe I haven’t explained everything the way I wanted to, but I can’t stop thinking about this, and the great thing about this show is that it’s fun to keep thinking about.

#avatar #avatar the last airbender #azula meta #azula deserved better #atla azula #avatar zuko #iroh & zuko #uncle iroh #atla #atla spoilers #atla headcanons

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blouisparadise · 4 years

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Here are some great bottom Louis fics that were posted or completed during the month of June. We really hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!

1) Until You’re Home | Explicit | 1039 words

Louis lives in London, Harry lives in Tokyo. They make it work.

2) He Holds My Paradise | Mature | 1332 words

“What is it that you want, baby?”

“Your dick” Louis breaths out, choking on his own words, neck still covered by his boyfriend’s hand.

“And where do you want it, baby?” the Devil asks him, a satisfied smirk painting his lips. “in my pussy, please.”

3) Morning | Explicit | 1428 words

Harry and Louis wake up and have a 'productive' morning in the shower ;)

4) Let's Go To The Beach | General Audiences | 1489 words

Note: This fic contains no explicit smut, but since it’s omega Louis, we’ve included it. This is a sequel. Part one of this fic is #6 on this list.

"Louis," Harry repeated.

"Right," Louis sighed. "He tried to scent me."

or the one where Louis has a meeting with an aggressive alpha and Harry calms Louis down.

5) Sweet Relief, Pretty Please | Not Rated | 1840 words

Louis is drunk, sad and alone, and Harry is a wanker.

6) Hey Moon, Don't You Fall Down | Mature | 2574 words

Note: The sequel to this fic is #4 on this list.

"Make me yours," Louis opened his eyes and put his hands on Harry's shoulders. "I'm ready, alpha, always been ready for you. Since the first day we met, I was yours. Please," Louis gasped as Harry slid his fingers out of him.

or the one where Harry and Louis finally bond.

7) Nothing Like Anything | Explicit | 2614 words

Harry is bored of his frat parties. No one interesting comes anyway.It's always drunk people, grinding in the living room, strangers trying to catch his eye. He's about to leave, just to ease his pounding head when he sees him, sinful on the dance floor and suddenly the party isn't so bad.

8) Over Exposed - Part Two| Explicit | 2840 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.

Harry and Louis take a quick break from Harry's tour to attend the VMAs, then have a night out at a club.

9) Sweet Vanilla Cream | Explicit | 2896 words

Harry fights to resist his roommate's new omega boyfriend, Louis. Louis maybe doesn't want him to resist.

10) Take Off Your Glasses | Mature | 3742 words

Louis was enjoying his time, as he decided to spend his weekend clubbing, Louis knows no one in there, yet someone wanted to mess with him to know who's Louis the attractive boy in the black skirt.

"It’s Louie.. Sir."

11) Rose’s Fortune | Mature | 5055 words

Note: This fic contains no explicit smut but since it’s a/b/o we’ve decided to include it in this monthly roundup.

Omega Louis takes one of his siblings to the doctors (check up, possible broken bone or possibly injections?) and the new Dr is Alpha Harry. Harry is great with kids and Louis is smitten. Harry is smitten too but attempts to act professionally and keep his distance whenever Louis visits the Drs with his siblings or to pick up his prescriptions. But Harry realises there is no reason for him not to make a move as Louis isn't under his care.

12) Dare You To Move | Not Rated | 6060 words

The one where Harry falls in love with the omega who is the brain behind the omega march he joined.

13) Savage Garden’s Song Rules Sometimes (While Yours Always Reign Supreme) | Explicit | 6261 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.

The morning after one too many nights of isolation for Louis Tomlinson and his hot & dangerous boy.

Aka how insanely adorkable Harry Styles could be after a sulking episode. [wordplay edition]

14) I Can Feel Your Blood Pressure Rise | Explicit | 9292 words

"Hello, your Highness," Harry heard a familiar voice coming from behind him. Chills ran down his body as he felt the coldness of something sharp poke the back of his neck, "Turn around slowly or I'll hurt you,” the voice said in a teasing tone.

Where Louis is some sort of Robin Hood and sneaks into the King's castle, only to be fucked hard.

15) You Know What They Say | Explicit | 10323 words

Nice guys always finish last.

16) Teenage Dream | Explicit | 10333 words

Harry and Louis get reintroduced to each other by their friends. It’s an instant connection. Now they’ve just gotta get to know each other.

17) Move So Petty (You're All I See) | Explicit | 10548 words

Harry’s pretty content with his life. He loves his job- a veterinarian at a local clinic who’s already built up a name for himself despite his young age. He loves his gorgeous flat with its wide, open space and minimalistic, yet still homey feel. He loves his family who he talks to and visits as much as possible, not bothered by the long hours of driving to Holmes Chapel from London he endures multiple times a month. He loves his friends and his coworkers and his neighbors- especially Allison, the little old lady next door who brings him and Louis cookies on holidays and who always comments on how “strong and handsome you are, Mr. Styles,” everytime he sees her.

And most importantly, he loves Louis, just- maybe in a slightly different way.

18) When Tomorrow Comes | Explicit | 11111 words

The one where Louis is an Omega who has been keeping himself pure for his Alpha, Harry is a traditional Alpha focusing on his studies while he waits to find his bondmate, and Niall is a sneaky bastard who keeps borrowing Louis’ clothes and never returning them.

19) Smells Like Omega Spirit | Not Rated | 11769 words

Note: This fic contains no explicit smut, but since it’s omega Louis, we’ve included it.

Louis is an omega doing a test run on neutralizers for a class project. Every time he talks to Harry he smells completely different.

Harry is an alpha who can't figure out if he's going crazy or his sense of smell is broken, but all he wants to figure out what Louis' real scent is.

Somehow they figure it out.

20) You Kill My Mind | Explicit | 13181 words

Harry has always been ashamed to reveal his kinks to friends and partners alike. One day he meets a man who seems perfectly designed for him and they embark on a wonderful, sex-filled exploration journey.

21) In The Heat Of The Moment | Mature | 15743 words

When Louis unexpectedly goes into heat in maths class it takes him way too long to figure out why (it might have something to do with a certain curly haired boy sitting next to him).

22) Was In No Hurry, Had No Worries | Explicit | 21485 words

The year is 1999 and Harry can’t stop dedicating songs to Louis on the radio. Or the one where Harry hits Louis with his car.

23) You're The Smell Before Rain, You're The Blood In My Veins | Explicit | 21945 words

“It was him you talked about, when you used to call me late at night, saying you were missing your ex? Was it him, your important five-year long story? Was it him the person you had thought about proposing, one day?” Nick asks with a low voice, almost inaudible, almost like he’s talking to himself “He’s my boyfriend…” he whispers again, without looking up.

“I know! And you shouldn’t worry, because you don’t have a single reason to do so. He’s yours now, he’s with you. I really don’t understand why you came here, honestly” Harry says defending himself out of instinct, even if he has no reason to react like that. He just- just wishes for Nick to leave his room and go back home to Louis. Because at this point Nick has Louis and fuck, why can’t he just go fuck off for once? Doesn’t he have enough shit do deal with already? Does he really need to get into this as well? Right now?

24) Like The Earth Around The Sun | Explicit | 23600 words

The one where Harry bursts in on Louis in heat and things only get more complicated from there.

25) The Blood of Love | Explicit | 25273 words

Harry is a nurse and Louis is a painting worth more than a thousand words. As desire and darkness encompasses him, Harry has to learn the secrets of Thorne Hills manor before he succumbs to the mystery that surrounds him.

26) Habit | Teen & Up | 27095 words

In which Louis is a Donna who has a soft spot for alpha Harry.

27) Let Me Carry Your Weight | Explicit | 28633 words

Louis is fresh out of a bad relationship with someone who made him feel awful about how he looked. on his journey to better himself, he meets harry - the ridiculously attractive and fit personal trainer.

28) Robbers And Cowards | Explicit | 33237 words

A modern day Robin Hood AU where Louis and Harry (don’t really) hate each other but they hate greedy billionaires more.

29) Caves End | Explicit | 39711 words

The one where Harry has lost his future, Louis has lost his past, but maybe together, they can find a way through the dark.

30) Soaked In The Blood Of Angels | Explicit | 40867 words

The boy looks drugged, caught between a man who’s almost twice his size and a girl who looks like she wouldn’t even break a sweat snapping him in half despite her small stature, eyes closed and mouth open as he pants, arching up between them almost as if he’s trying to escape.

Normally, Harry would ignore it and continue on his search for someone to drink from, someone who wouldn’t mind his sharp teeth and rough hands. He’s seen plenty of boys like this one, ones who picked the wrong playmates, and if he stopped to rescue every single one of them he would have died from thirst a long time ago.

This one, though. There’s something about this one, the sheen of his bright blue eyes as he blinks slowly, looks around as though he doesn’t know where he is, the weakness of his hands as he tries to push the girl off of him and make his escape.

31) With Stars Of Brightest Gold | Explicit | 41109 words

Louis Tomlinson is the premier courtesan at the Moulin Rouge. In his dreams, he has always wanted to be a famous stage actor. Locked into his contract, he has little means of escape until a handsome duke promises him freedom with a romantic alliance. Due to a case of mistaken identity playwright Harry Styles is thrown into the mix, compelling Louis to choose between his head or his heart.

32) We Both Got Nothing To Hide | Explicit | 43811 words

Omega Louis has a secret nest. Alpha Harry keeps losing his clothes.

33) In A World Alone | Explicit | 50787 words

Harry’s breath catches as the glow grows bigger and bigger until he’s squinting his eyes and blinking at the sudden intense brightness. He closes his eyes, rubbing at them helplessly. When his eyes open again- he gasps, grip loosening on his bow as he gawks at the sight before him.

Because the swan is gone.

And in its place is the prettiest omega Harry has ever seen.

A Swan Lake AU.

34) Hunting Ground | Not Rated | 583658 words

Note: This fic is the third part of a series. Part two is #38 in this list.

Louis Tomlinson didn’t know how complicated life could be until he became a werewolf. And until he was mated to Harry Styles, the son — and enforcer — of Liam, the leader of the North American werewolves, he didn’t know how dangerous it could be either...

Louis and Harry have just been enlisted to attend a summit to present Liam's controversial proposition: that the wolves should finally reveal themselves to humans. But the most feared Alpha in Europe is dead set against the plan — and it seems like someone else might be too. When Louis is attacked by vampires using pack magic, the kind of power only werewolves should be able to draw on, Harry and Louis must combine their talents to hunt down whoever is behind it all — or risk losing everything.

35) The Wrath of the Emerald Eyes | Mature | 85205 words

His chin is grabbed harshly, facing the two deep green eyes that have been getting on his nerves for the past ten minutes. The smirk on the man's face does not vanish. The grip of his hand on Louis' chin does not soften, his thumb at the side of his lower lip.

His smile widens as he answers Louis' question, ''My name is Styles, but you will call me Captain."

Pirate AU.

36) Cry Wolf | Not Rated | 85205 words

Note: This fic is the second part of a series. Part three is #36 in this list.

Louis never knew werewolves existed, until the night he survived a violent attack... and became one himself. After three years at the bottom of the pack, he'd learned to keep his head down and never, ever trust dominant wolves. Then Harry Styles, the enforcer—and son—of the leader of the North American werewolves, came into his life.

Harry insists that not only is Louis his mate, but he is also a rare and valued Omega wolf. And it is Louis' inner strength and calming presence that will prove invaluable as he and Harry go on the hunt in search of a rogue werewolf—a creature bound in magic so dark that it could threaten all of the pack.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

#bottom louis #top harry #blp fic recs #monthly fic recs #fic recs #blp #larry

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horansqueen · 4 years

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You & Me : chapter 34

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: okay sooo idk how i feel about the chapter BUT! i added a link with pictures of the characters and it took me over 2 hours to do that so if you could comment or at least look at it, it would mean a lot to me! (scroll down for the link, you cant miss it)

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : two but its pretty much the same thing :) i mean he doesnt get ‘angry’ tho but i hope its still what you wanted :)

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 34 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

March 30th, 2018

I had no idea who Niall had invited but before we walked in the bar, I moved closer to him and got up on my tiptoe to look in his eyes, both of us now hidden by his cap. His lips curled as his eyes roamed on my face and I pressed my lips together. I was a bit stressed to meet some people from school after so long but if I wanted to be honest, being away from the crowds and the paps seemed like amazing time off to me and I was pretty sure Niall felt the same.

"No kissing, no hold hands, no cuddles." I pointed out with a grimace. "It's gonna be a long evening."

"Okay, first off, you can cuddle me, they're used to it. Second of, can I remind you that it's your rule? If you want, we can definitely tell them we're together but keeping low profile." he pointed out, raising his eyebrows as he waited for my answer.

I wanted to. I really fucking wanted to, and I could feel my heartbeats accelerate the longer we looked at each other. I licked my lips and smiled before shaking my head. I couldn't make a decision and it was driving me insane.

"We'll just... see how it goes." I finally let out before sighing and getting back down on my feet.

"I'll follow your lead, petal."

His words made my lips curl and I nodded slowly before he turned around and walked in. It felt amazing to know I had my say in all of this. A lot of times, when we were dating and even before, I felt like Niall lead me the way he thought was right and I just followed without a word. Perhaps, he had matured, or maybe he was always like that but he just took the lead because I didn't. Either way, it was refreshing and it made me feel important.

I followed him inside and a familiar face seemed to illuminate in the back of the bar. The smell reminded me of my teenage years and somehow, I suddenly relaxed despite the people I had just noticed.

"Zara?" I let out with a frown before Niall bent closer to me.

"I called her, thought you may want to see her." he whispered before walking closer to the table.

"Olivia!"

Zara jumped out of her chair and ran to me, wrapping her arms around my neck so tight I could barely breathe anymore. She started jumping quickly up and down, bringing me in her wave and I laughed as I hugged her back. Despite everything that had happened to me in my childhood and teenage years, Zara was the only one I trusted completely besides Niall. I had a few friends and we all hung out together but Zara was the one I was the closest to, the one I told almost everything to, except maybe the fact that I had always been in love with Niall. That, I hadn't told anyone and even now, I wondered how the hell I succeeded to keep that secret to myself for two decades.

"I haven't seen you in so long!" she added, hugging me even tighter before her embrace loosened and she pulled away to look in my eyes. "Still can't believe you followed that eejit to London. Why?"

She was very expressive and the facial expression she was sending me made me laugh.

"You know me, can't be away from his dumb face for too long."

Her lips curled into an amused smile and she pulled me to the bar, ordering beers before tilting her head and staring at me some more. I frowned and waited, knowing that a question was coming.

"You two dated a few years ago yea?" she raised her eyebrows as I nodded. "Okay now let's talk about the real shit. How does he fuck?"

My eyes got bigger and I chuckled, shaking my head. "Z!"

"No no, hear me out!" she continued, bending down closer to me. "Remember when Michelle, Lisa, Megan and I would get mad at you for ditching us for him?" she let out with a chin movement towards Niall.

I couldn't help but glance at him. He was sitting with a few people I recognized but I just licked my lips and turned back to my friend, shaking my head. "I didn't dit-"

"Oh you did. All the time." she cut me, making me raise my nose up in a grimace. "Well we always spent at least half an hour talking about you two and with the years, the conversations became... you know. I mean he grew up and," she paused and leaned back to take a look at him before looking back at me. "He's... he's hot."

I started laughing, shaking my head slightly at her enthusiasm.

"Niall was always hot." I pointed out, making her roll her eyes.

"You... it's different. I mean, I know you always said you didn't have feelings for him but girl, I know you better than that." she explained, making my heart literally stop beating. "Anyway, that's beside the point. So we did talk about the size of his cock and the way he fucked and we all had theories. I think it's time you reveal the truth."

"Forget it." I laughed, shaking my head.

"Why does it matter, you two broke up a million years ago!" her face suddenly changed and her lips parted as she moved closer. "You whore, you’re still dating him?"

"Zara!"

She raised both of her hands up and closed her eyes. "Alright alright, none of my business." she chuckled, opening her eyes again, her smile turning into a fond one. "I really hope for you, though. I know how much you love him. I can see it in your eyes."

I held my breath as she grabbed two beers, letting me take the two others and we walked slowly to the table.

"Don't be surprised okay? Ava is here. I know she's not your fave person but just pretend she's funny. Or interesting. Or ignore her, that's what I do."

I laughed again but my heart dropped in my chest when I noticed Ava, leaning against Niall as they were both laughing. I started thinking about that time I caught him masturbating in his room when he was 13, and how a few years later, he had admitted he was jerking off thinking about her. The whole thing made me swallow hard and I held the mugs tighter in my hands before placing them on the table. Most people looked up and when I noticed Rian, my eyes got bigger and I chuckled low.

"Wow, hey! What are you doing here?"

He got up and kissed my cheeks gently as I did the same before shaking my head. The last time I had seen Rian was when Niall and I went ice skating together when we were dating. Niall had shown a bit of jealousy back then and even if I knew I shouldn't, i really liked it. Of course, I had dated Rian for a few months and he was the first guy I ever slept with, but Niall seemed to forget that the reason I gave in to Rian after so many years was because he had lost his virginity to someone who wasn't me. It had hurt me so much that just thinking about it made it impossible not to swallow the lump in my throat.

"He's coming to visit me." Ava said, her hand on Niall's thigh to hold herself as she moved closer to me. "We have a thing going on."

Rian rolled his eyes with a smile and shook his head slightly before shrugging. "Just trying to see if it could work." he explained before talking lower. "I'm not moving back here though, there's no way."

I let out a louder laugh and nodded. "Yea, I'm not moving back here either."

The truth was, I didn't want to move back here mostly because I didn't really know anyone anymore. My parents were back in France, many of my friends had moved away and Niall... well, Niall was the person I wanted to follow. Or more, Niall was the person I wanted to be with. I didn't have to follow him, like he said. We could just take decisions together.

"Come on, petal, sit down."

Niall's voice reached my ear and I smiled, sitting next to him as he squirmed a bit on his chair to move forward, leaning his arms on the table and getting away from Ava's touch. I felt suddenly relieved and he sent me a smile. I felt his knee hit gently against mine under the table and my lips curled more.

"So what's up between you two?" Rian asked after sitting next to me. "Last time I saw you, you were together, then we all read in extremely reliable online articles that you two split and Niall was dating that actress or singer? What's her face? And Liv was getting married to an hollywood actor. This is some crazy shit, mates."

"I'm... not dating Heidi anymore." Niall pointed out, pressing his lips together in an awkward smile.

"And I called the wedding off and broke up with Dylan."

Everyone stared at us and Zara chuckled slightly after half a minute, shaking her head. "Wow. You guys need more drinks."

We started drinking and talking and after a few hours, I was starting to be tipsy. I walked to the bar to get more pints and while waiting, I leaned on the counter to stare at Niall. He was laughing with our old friends and I was suddenly thrown back to when we were younger and would hang out all together. I could pretend life was easy back then but it would be a lie. I had to admit, though, that everything changed when Niall left, and I do mean everything.

My lips curled on the left when I watched him throw his head back. I could hear his laughter even from where I was and something jumped inside me at the sight. I already knew, but once again, it hit me how much I loved him and how i'd never be over him. I didn't want to be over him anyway. I wanted to be with him.

"Having a good time?"

I raised my eyebrows in surprise before turning to the voice with a smile before looking at Niall again and finally putting my attention back on Rian.

"Mmhm, and you?"

I was getting so tipsy that I had a hard time hiding my attraction for Niall. I knew my eyes were probably betraying me but I was at that point where I didn't give a fuck anymore. A few more people we knew had joined us and we were all getting a bit drunk but when I turned around and smiled to Rian again, I noticed he was way past that stage. He sent me a small smirk and bent down closer, making me move back instinctively.

"You know you were my first fuck." he pointed out, making me chuckle low.

"Yea you were my first fuck too."

"You ever wonder what it would feel like more than a decade later?" he whispered after bending down more.

My lips parted and I glanced at him, standing up and shaking my head. "Honestly, no."

"Come on." he slurred as I pressed my lips together. "Just one time. I never really understood why you broke up with me, y'know?"

I looked up at him, feeling uneasy, and swallowed hard. I didn't want to cause a scene and I knew he was drunk but at the same time, I had no fucking idea what he was thinking at that exact moment. I knew he thought I was single, which I was... sort of, but I had the feeling he would insist even if I was officially taken.

"I just didn't have those feelings for you, that's why." I pointed out.

It was true and at the same time, it was also because I couldn't take Niall out of my mind. I felt his arm slither around my waist and pushed him away gently but firmly, raising my eyebrows at him.

"Two things. One, you're drunk and two, I'm not interested. It's been years, Rian, we both moved on." I pointed out. "Besides, aren't you with Ava now?"

"Ava and I have an agreement. Until we're official, we can fuck whoever we want. That's why she's all over your ex boyfriend."

My lips parted again and my heartbeats accelerated. I turned to look at Niall but for some reason, he had switched seat with me, leaving a free chair between him and Ava and I sighed of relief without thinking.

"That's why you said no to me for so long before agreeing to date me, right? That's also why you broke up with me isn't it?"

I turned back to him, noticing he had moved closer again. "What?"

"Him. Him and his fucking stupid angel face. You've always wanted him and he never fucking wanted you. The only time he dated you he fucking left you to be a famous little shit and now you're still looking at him like he's some sort of god."

"Shut up, you're pissed." I said low enough, getting suddenly angry.

"Still. You know i'm right." he added, sending me a small smile. "Come on, I'll make you cum so hard."

I felt Rian's hand on my breasts and this time, I pushed him harder as my heart seemed to stop.

"I said no!"

I felt my whole body on fire as I stared at him but he moved closer and grabbed the back of my head, pulling me against him to kiss me. This time, I started hitting his chest hard to push him away and I heard a chair scratch against the wood floor before falling down. It took about half a second for Niall to be between Rian and I, pushing him hard enough to make him back away a few feet.

"She said no."

"Oh yea, mister perfect is there again to save the day!" Rian let out a bit too loud in a sarcastic tone. "Same as you were back then. Always there to be the perfect 'best friend'." he laughed, doing quotation marks with his fingers on the last two words.

"Rian, don't go too far." Niall only replied, shaking his head slightly.

"She's not yours, anymore, Horan! So let it go!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

I took a step back, surprised by how well Niall could keep calm and glanced at our table to see all of our friends watching the show. It was not really how I imagined my night.

"You're a fuckin' asshole and I've always hated you, ya know that?"

"I'm very aware." Niall sighed. "But she said she was not interested, so keep your feckin' hands in your pockets."

"Or what?" Rian yelled, this time. "Or WHAT?"

"Rian, stop!"

We all turned to Ava who was frowning and Rian scoffed, shaking his head. "You stay out of this." he turned to Niall. "And you!" he grabbed him by his shirt and my heart sank in my chest as I moved closer, grabbing Rian's arm and trying to push him back.

"Please, stop!" I let out, suddenly panicked.

Niall didn't send me a glance and kept looking at Rian, "Liv, move back. Please Liv."

It took me a few seconds and I did as he asked just when Rian started talking again.

"She's not your girlfriend." he repeated. "So mind your own fuckin' business!"

"But I still love her." Niall admitted louder, making my lips part and my whole body throb. "I'm still in love with her. And I'm not gonna let you touch her, not without her consent."

Everything happened a bit too fast for me to react and I barely saw Rian let go of Niall to throw his fist at him. Gladly, he was totally hammered and Niall easily dodged his hit before throwing his own first on Rian's jaw. My eyes got bigger as Rian fell on the floor and I finally closed them, bringing both my hands on my face.

"MATES!"

I remained motionless, eyes closed and silent, until I felt someone pull me out and I only opened my eyes again when I felt the fresh air hit the skin of my face. It was a bit cold and I shivered, bringing my arms around myself before I felt someone wrap theirs around me from behind.

"Hey, you okay?" I didn't have to hear his voice, I immediately recognized Niall from the way he was touching me, and the way he smelled. God he smelled amazing. "I'm sorry about all this."

I shook my head and sighed. "Let's leave, okay?"

I noticed Ava and two other guys try to put Rian on the backseat of a car and Zara quickly ran to me, raising her nose up and placing her hand on my arm.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly, tilting her head, before I nodded. "I'll message you, okay? And if you invite me to Cali, I'd love to visit!"

I chuckled and nodded. "We can definitely plan that."

She glanced up at Niall and tried to stop a smirk from gracing her face without much success.

"Have fun you two." she just chuckled. "I'm rooting for you."

I laughed and closed my eyes again, a bit embarrassed but quickly, Niall moved away and reached for my fingers. I let him take my hand in his and we walked in silence. I knew where he was taking me but I didn't mention it and when we sat in the grass, I moved my legs over his thighs and felt his hand on mine, warming me. It was cold and I knew we wouldn't last too long outside but I enjoyed being close to him in silence. It took at least 20 minutes for Niall to talk again and hearing his voice made something stir in my stomach.

"I'm sorry." he said in a low tone, looking down at his hand on my thigh as he gently brushed his fingertips on my pants. "I don't know why I did that. But he had his hand on your breasts and I suddenly wanted to kill him."

I stared at him for a few seconds without talking and waiting for him to look up but he didn't. I pressed my lips together and placed my hand over his, grabbing his fingers and squeezing them.

"Thank you for defending me." I just replied, making him nod slightly. "You were so laid-back, I didn't expect you to throw your fist at him. You don't need to apologize."

He looked up at me and sent me a fond smile as I bit my bottom lip. Slowly, I moved closer and kissed him gently. I could feel my head spinning from all the alcohol in my body and when he deepened the kiss, I felt my eyes flutter behind my eyelids.

"I'm sorry." I whispered against his mouth. "I should have told our friends we were together. It would have spared a few problems."

"Not your fault. It's entirely his fault. He shouldn't have touched you after you said no, whether you were taken or not. He's an asshole and he deserved a good punch. I'm just happy I'm the one who gave him." he confessed, making me chuckle. "I can't believe he did that."

"Well he was seeing the way I was looking at you apparently. And he probably saw how Ava was all over you, too. Must have been hard for him to be rejected twice in the same night. I've rejected him a lot, too."

"Still not an excuse." Niall whispered, kissing my lips very gently.

"I know."

"Don't defend him, he's an arsehole."

"I know."

We remained silent again as we kissed some more. I felt his hand move up on me and slip between my thighs, the side of one of his fingers pressing on my pussy. I whimpered very low and chuckled.

"It's way too cold to fuck here."

"I know." he groaned. "I just can't believe we have to sleep at my mom's. Every single time we come visit you don't want to let me fuck you."

The way he pouted and his childish tone made a laugh boom out of me and I finally leaned my forehead against his and brought my hand to his cheek.

"I'll let you tomorrow morning, but only if you agree to do something tonight that I've always wanted to do."

He frowned and pulled away to stare at me suspiciously. "I want to ask if I'll regret it but if you let me cum inside you tomorrow then I'm ready for anything."

I laughed again and kissed him with a smile. It felt so great to be wanted even if most of the time, It also felt surreal. We walked back to his mom's and it was extremely late when he tried to find the right keys to walk inside before realizing the door was not locked. We both laughed as we walked inside, and it made me realize we were both still quite tipsy. We walked slowly, trying to remain silent without much success and when he bumped into the table, we both laughed. He pulled me closer and started kissing me hard, sticking his tongue on my mouth only to turn me on, I suspected. His normal taste was altered with the taste of beer but I loved it and I moaned low in his mouth. I couldn't remember how we ended up on the roof but I stared up at the sky, tilting my head with a smile.

"That's really all you wanted?" he asked after a while. "Watch the stars like we used to do on the roof of your house?"

I kept looking up at the indigo sky and pressed my lips together before licking them.

"We used to do that all the time, just you and I, and I remember wishing you would kiss me every single time. That's why we're here. I want to kiss you while we watch the stars together."

Niall chuckled low. "You're so cheesy. I blame you for my romantic side."

I turned to send him a big smile. "You're welcome."

His lips curled into a fond and loving grin and I bit my bottom lip.

"I will kiss you anywhere you want. Any time you want. For any reason you can think of, or for no reason at all except that I love you."

I felt my heart melt in my chest and breathed in, trying to keep my tears in. He was leaning on his side to look at me, holding himself with one of his elbows and arms, and suddenly, I could see the adorable 14 year old he used to be, with his blonde hair and his crooked teeth. I felt my heart swell and my eyes watered, letting a tear fall on one of my cheeks as I sniffed. Was I really going to push away this man out of fear? Was that a good way to live life anyway? To stop myself from being happy in fear of being hurt again? It was ridiculous.

"We will be together, Niall."

He frowned slightly and moved his upper body closer. "What?"

"If you still want of me..." I repeated before breathing in deeply. "if you still want to be with me.. really be with me. Officially. It will happen."

"I'll always want that Olivia." he simply replied but I could hear surprise and happiness in his voice and when I looked up at him, his eyes seemed to sparkle. They shined even more than they did at the bar when he was drunk and it made my heart jump in my chest. Perhaps, it was only the reflection of the lights of the streets, or maybe I was hallucinating it... but I didn't think so. He seemed genuinely excited by my words.

"I just need more time. But it will happen." I explained more. "I'll never be able to live without you anyway. And I don't want to. I don't want to live without you, Niall."

His lips curled into the biggest smile and he chuckled, moving closer and sliding his hand behind my head. I could feel his fingers sink in my hair as he pulled me closer.

"Best news of the day. It beats everything else." he let out low. "Now, I'm going to kiss you beneath the stars until you're too tired to keep your eyes open."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #yam

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that-sarcastic-writer · 3 years

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I was on wattpad the other day just revisiting and man, the contrast is fucking insane. Like you can tell the fandom side of wattpad is just filled with 12 to 14 year olds just starting to write, I feel old as fuck over there. But then I come here where the vast majority of writers are older like in their twenties, everything is just a lot more mature here, and I just feel so young here? It's so weird, there's no in between. Tumblr and wattpad and two whole different worlds if you really think about it

#writing #fanfiction #wattpad vs tumblr #random thought of the day #personal rant #morning rambles

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capfalcon · 4 years

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"age is just a number" is correct.

but the sentiment behind it isn't.

me being 20 or 21, me being 4 months old or 6, me being 72 or 73 really doesn't matter. theoretically, age doesn't matter. it's just the amount of times your body has spun around the sun. but it's not age that the line refers to, it's experience.

and no matter what, a 17 year old kid, or a 14 year old kid, or whoever, will not have had the same experiences as a 23 year old or a 30 year old or even an 19 year old.

and especially at such a formative age. all the way up to maybe 30, even or 25, every single year marks a very different person. not just emotionally, physically, but cognitively.

teenagers literally develop so much in the span of merely a year, it's insane. comparing a 19 year old to a 16 year old is just a three year difference, sure, but cognitively, and experience wise, it's a big fucking difference.

so yeah, theoretically, age difference relationships are fine. but in the real world, it's not just morality or "criticizing" people, it's the cold hard truth that they're not okay.

there are obvious power imbalances. there are obvious control issues. there are autonomy issues. there are identitity issues. all of it doesn't add up.

now, i don't really give a shit about a 50 year old dating a 60 year old. at that point i think they've lived long enough to have figured out the important shit. they're both well over the age of consent, both legally and mentally, and at that point, yes, age is just a number. they have probably shared similar experiences by then. it's not like they're lacking in knowledge.

but yes, there is a problem with relationships between 20 year olds and teenagers, there is a problem between older teens dating younger teenagers.

theoretically, age is just a number. my body being 60 or 12 or 2 doesn't matter. but my experiences do. i don't have the experiences of a 40 year old. and sure, sometimes people have been through a lot, and that makes them "mature" but there are certain experiences, certain thought processes, certain ideas you don't have until you age and develop.

it's not about how many years they've lived. it's about their mental capacities, about their emotional capacities, about how many experiences they've had, and how they perceived and processed them.

age is just a number. experience isn't.

#i hate having to even say this at all #but anti strker #fuck off #block me #and fuck off

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one-d-library · 4 years

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Longer Fics

Here are some longer (mostly Larry) fics, most have multiple chapters: Organized by length, this is mainly chaotic but oh well.

Longer Fics (2) can be found here!

TGIF by dinosaursmate {explicit, 20k, smut, friends to lovers, childhood friends, OT5 friendship}

“So, you moved in today?” “Yeah.” Louis huffed. “I’ve had to leave all my friends behind in Donny and move here because my mum got a good job. And this house is bigger than the one we were in, so that’s good. But I just… I was popular, I had loads of friends, I was captain of the football team. I don’t think the school I’m going to even has a football team.” “What school are you going to?” “St. Mary’s.” ”That’s my school!” Harry stopped, and the ball hit his foot. “I’ll be your friend.” Louis smiled, and something about it made Harry’s stomach twist uneasily.

“That’s sweet, Harry. But I can’t exactly hang out with an eleven year old.” Harry’s mouth twisted into a frown, but he kicked the ball back anyway. “Okay.” “We can hang out here, though.”

Louis, 13, moves in next door to Harry, eleven. They immediately hit it off and quickly become best friends, but as they get older, things get a little complicated.

The Melody You Never Heard by bananasandboots {explicit, 30k, smut, friends to lovers, slow burn, OT5 friendship, camping AU}

It's one last adventure. One last chance to be young and carefree. One final weekend before they take up their internships, their corporate positions, before they enter the real world, fresh out of university. Niall's his best mate. Liam's been there for him since they were lost, little freshmen, trying to find their ways through an overwhelming first year. Harry can't disappoint them, even if it means enduring four days with Louis.

Louis, who he does share a history with, a history he's never told anyone about, not even Niall, a history he hasn't brought up in three years because it's stupid and embarrassing and confusing.

Or, the one where Harry gets roped into a four-day camping trip with the boy who kissed him and never called back.

Long Before We Both Thought The Same Thing by allasavedtheday {mature, 36k, smut, friends to lovers, slow burn, OT5 friendship}

“So are you admitting you love Harry yet?” Louis pauses in the middle of his story about the movie he and Harry went to see last night to raise an incredulous eyebrow. “What are you on about? Of course I love Harry.” Has Zayn lost his mind? He’s been friends with Louis for nearly seven years and Harry for six, under what circumstances did it appear like they didn’t love each other? “Okay, let me rephrase,” Zayn says, an amused little quirk to his mouth like he knows something Louis doesn’t. “Are you admitting you’re in love with Harry yet?” Louis stares at him in bewilderment, mouth working as he tries to form a response. “I…what?”*

Or, Louis maybe, sort of realises he's in love with his best friend of almost twenty years and he maybe, sort of thinks that said best friend could love him back?

[there is a sequel to this written by the same author, it is If You Asked Me If I Love Him (I’d Lie), it’s really good!! they hide their marriage from their families at Lottie’s wedding but fail miserably]

Promise Not to Fall by dimpled_halo {explicit, 38k, 2 chapters, smut, friends to lovers, slow burn, hiatus fic, canon divergent}

Louis raises his eyebrows. “You want to be friends with benefits?” Harry shrugs, “If that’s what you want to call it then, yeah. Why not?” Louis brings his hand to rub the stubble on his jaw, seeming lost in his own thoughts. “Okay, I’ll agree on three conditions.” “One: no sleep overs.” Harry nods, “Okay." “Two: if either of us finds someone else we call it off no questions asked.”Harry isn’t sure why his stomach turns at that, but he agrees anyway.“ And three,” Louis’ face hardens, “you cannot, under any circumstances, fall in love with me.”Harry snorts, “Yeah, okay,” he chuckles lightly.

or- When One Direction goes on hiatus, Harry and Louis reconnect, becoming the friends they once were during their days in the X Factor. It doesn’t take long for their friendship to evolve into friends with benefits, unable to resist the physical attraction between them. Things get complicated when feelings get in the way.

The Sound of Your Voice From Far Away by pukeandcry {explicit, 39k, smut, friends to lovers, slow burn, canon compliant}

It'd be perfect, he convinces himself. Things with Lou are – well. They're the way they are, and there's no point dwelling on why it's got that way. But he thinks this would help -- not fix them, because they're not broken. They don't need to be put back together, they're just. Out of sync, maybe. It would help. He thinks it would, anyway, if they could just be the two of them again, to be alone together with no outside influences pressing claustrophobically in on them, just for a bit. And driving down an empty highway with nothing else but Louis beside him is the best way to do that that he can imagine.

Or, after the U.S. leg of the Take Me Home tour, Harry and Louis drive from L.A. to NYC. They figure some things out, like how to deal with the distance that's been growing between them.

All Eyes On You by rainbow_kings {explicit,49k, 2 chapters, smut, slow burn, established relationship, road trip AU}

Harry and Louis have been married for ten years and they have three children. When their relationship is threatened with a divorce, they pack their belongings and go on a road trip in means to save their relationship. They promise to stay on the road and only returning once they've sorted through their problems.

Never Let Me Go by loveisalaserquest17 {explicit, 55k, 3 chapters, slow burn, angst, pining, friends to lovers, OT5 friendship, smut}

“Harry! I’ll tell you what,” Louis exclaims, clapping his hands together. There’s a big grin on his face. “If both of us are still single by your thirtieth birthday, we’ll marry each other.” Harry’s head snaps up, eyes widening. “What?”

Harry and Louis have been friends forever, but they couldn't be more different. One night, with a little too much alcohol, they make a pact to marry in ten years if they're both still single. Now, one month before the deadline, Louis is willing to do whatever it takes to avoid ending up with his best friend. But is he, really? | Loosely inspired by The 10 Year Plan

Here In The Afterglow by fondleeds {not rated, 88k, 3 chapters, 1970s AU, highschool AU, period typical homophobia, angst, fluff, slight friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, OT5 invovlement}

“If you hadn’t noticed, I don’t have many friends,” Louis whispers, the blossom of insecurity in his stomach unfurling and clawing its way into his throat.

Harry is silent for a long time, and then he speaks; a soft, slow uncurl that makes Louis’ stomach shake. “I’ll be your friend.”

1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

Unbelievers by isthatyoularry {explicit, 136k, 10 chapters, smut, slow burn, football AU, enemies to lovers}

It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan.

Or: The one where Louis and Harry definitely aren’t friends, and football is everything.

And Then a Bit by infinitelymint {explicit, 158k, 14 chapters, smut, friends w benefits, fake relationship, canon divergent + compliant, OT5 friendship + involvement}

“We’d like to give the fans what they want.” Magee states, placing his hand on the table in front of him and leaning forward. “We want to give them Larry Stylinson.”

Or, take a parallel universe where Louis and Harry were never together, mix in a two year hiatus and an impending comeback, pour in a dash of lost fans, two tablespoons of strong friendship and a Modest! employee with a good idea. Add a squeeze of pretending to be a couple, lots of kisses and a tattoo or two. Stir. Serve: the mother of all publicity stunts.

(aka Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.)

Given a Chance by fabby {explicit, 173k, 12 chapters, smut, slow burn, angst, fluff, nouis friendship, exes to lovers, canon divergent}

Five years after One Direction took their last tour, the last thing Louis Tomlinson ever expected to happen while on a tea run at the local Piggly Wiggly was to run into his ex-boyfriend and ex-bandmate Harry Styles.The odds of them ever running into each other again had to be super slim, right? Wrong.

What happens when you mix ex-boyfriends with a large serving of Small Town America? Will Louis and Harry be able to set aside their differences, or will Louis be able to stay breezy as fuck in the wake of Harry’s arrival?

(or, the one where Louis and Harry run into each other five years after One Direction ends and learn how to love each other again. Featuring: Reggie as the overweight labrador, Niall as Louis’ last grip on reality, and Nowheresville, North Carolina as the setting for Louis’ worst nightmare to come true.)

Young & Beautiful by Velvetoscar {mature, 227k, 34 chapters, slow burn, angst, uni AU}

Louis, to his horror, attends an elitist university in which the name Zayn Malik means something, Niall Horan doesn't stop talking, there are pianos everywhere, and Harry Styles, only son of a drug-addled, clinically insane ex-rocker, has a perfect smile and empty eyes.

more fic recs can be found here!

#longerfics #longerfic #longer fic

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let-it-raines · 5 years

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Catch Me If You Can (17/?)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

A/n: Everyone enjoying all of these post-season games? Even if your team has already lost like mine 🙈 Anyways, we’re back in London for one more chapter here and @resident-of-storybrooke is still the mvp for reading all of these words.

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |15 | 16 | 17 |

Tag list: @xellewoods @galaxyzxstark @eala-captian @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings

-/-

Emma can feel Killian’s nose nudging between her shoulder blades, his scruff scratching at her skin, and as good as it feels, she can’t help but curl further into her pillow and bring her knees up to her stomach, hoping that he’ll leave her alone so that she can sleep longer. So much longer. Jet-lag is a bitch, and she just wants to sleep forever. They don’t even get a day off when they get home, and just thinking about it has her dying.

Why in the world did she get sent over here when she’s only writing an article and doing social media stuff? Jeff should have come with her, Ruby too, but right now, she can’t really complain.

This bed is really soft.

London is wonderful.

Killian smells really good right now. He shouldn’t smell this good this early in the morning, and he probably got up to brush his teeth and put cologne on or something stupidly wonderful like that.

But she’s tired, and all she really wants is to sleep some more and for the pleasant ache between her thighs to lessen a bit so she won’t be thinking about it all day long. It’s a wonderful memory to have to think about as her day goes on, but still, a girl has got to be able to walk without her mind going to weird places.

The new phase of a relationship is so damn fun.

Sighing, she hugs her pillow more closely and keeps her eyes shut only for Killian to place the softest kiss in existence on the back of her neck that has the shiver multiplying its intensity by ten with each new vertebra that it reaches.

“Did you know that you are a kicker in your sleep?” he murmurs, his voice hoarse and gravely like it always is in the mornings. She really likes that. Like, really. “And that you are also a heat seeker, and I am in no way safe from your assault.”

“That sounds like a hard life,” Emma mumbles, still not bothering to open her eyes.

“The hardest. Do you know that we’ve only ever spent the night together in hotels? You’ve never even seen my bedroom. We somehow have never made it past the living room.”

“You’ve never seen mine.”

“True,” he sighs as his hand inches over her waist so that his nails can run over her stomach, making the muscles flutter. Or maybe those are the damn metaphorical butterflies. It doesn’t matter. “We should remedy that when we get home.” Home.

He means New York. He doesn’t mean his apartment or her apartment. He simply means the city they both happen to live in, but knowing that doesn’t change the way her heart is hammering in her chest, that residual feeling of being terrified that this is all going to blow up in her face still lingering. It’s not there as much as it used to be, some of the fear tampering down the more comfortable she becomes with Killian, but as old ones fade away, new ones emerge like one of those creepy aliens in movies.

Killian isn’t like Walsh or Neal or any of the people who have hurt her. Anyone with half-functioning eyes could see that, and it’s reaffirmed in how he supports her every day. He sends her articles she’s written in the past with little notes attached to them on what he thinks. Sometimes he shares links to YouTube videos of her interviews, asking her how she noticed the strategy they employed to win that day or simply complimenting her on thinking on her feet when she gets put in a tough situation. The only people who could possibly support her more are Ruth and David, but Killian is very much inching up to the top of the Emma Swan fan club.

He’d probably make t-shirts. Several. And wear them under all of his clothes, the dork.

Dark and broody but also dorky. That’s how she’d describe him if she had to in three words or less.

So she’s not worried that he’s going to demean her or belittle her or make her feel unworthy like she has felt in the past, but there are so many other ways for him to hurt her. Their relationship getting out, for one, could destroy her professional credibility, at least for a little while. That’s something she thinks about every time she sneaks out of her hotel room and into his. It’s ridiculous hard to find a time when someone isn’t in the hallway. But what if he’s secretly shitty in some kind of other way? What if he doesn’t continue to be so open and honest with her? What if he realizes that her hang-ups are too complicated? What if he realizes that he doesn’t want to be patient with her when she does have her freak outs? He’s so damn patient with her, always waiting for her to make the move before he does, and there’s no guarantee he won’t get tired of that.

Why is this the morning that she thinks about this?

Probably because the reality of them telling their friends and family is hitting her. It was her idea, the guilt of lying to everyone overwhelming her, but now the actuality is overwhelming her even more.

Last night, she told Killian that she would go to Addy’s birthday party under this insane plan that he has of them fake running into each other in the hallway, and the reality of meeting his family is kind of freaking her out. She’s never met a boyfriend’s family before, which was always such a blessing, and now she’s invading Killian’s niece’s birthday party.

Where his brother, who he absolutely admires in every way, will be, along with his wife and their kids and all of these other people who are important to Killian.

Emma wants to run. She knows that she does. Feelings overwhelm her, the feelings she has for Killian most of all, but she thinks she’d rather be overwhelmed by the happiness that he helps her feel rather than the anxiety.

The new phase of a relationship is fun but also terrifying.

“Are you inviting me over for a sleepover?” she finally asks, hoping that Killian can’t tell that she’s freaking out a little bit.

Killian hums into her neck, and she finally opens her eyes, the brightness of the sun shining through the curtains blurring everything for a moment. “I am. I can get you all kinds of snacks. We’ll wear our best pajamas, watch movies, play truth or dare, maybe have a pillow fight or two.”

“Do you get all of your sleepover knowledge from 2000s rom coms?”

“Possibly.”

Emma chuckles before turning on the mattress, shifting into Killian’s space like he shifted into hers, and when she’s turned in his arms, she blinks at him, taking in the unshaven scruff and unruly hair that most definitely hasn’t been tamed. She likes that too. His hair is always doing different things, and she can’t decide what she likes best.

“You very obviously did,” Emma sighs, running her hands over the muscled curves of his biceps, “but that’s okay. That’s where all of my knowledge came from too. The closest I’ve ever gotten to one that’s not, like, a sexual thing is when Ruby and I room together on road games.”

“I don’t think that counts because then Robin, Will, and I have had a ton of sleepovers, and none of them involve any of the fun things I was talking about before.” He reaches up to cover her hand with his before leaning in and lazily moving his lips against hers. There are a lot of things she’s learning at twenty-seven, and one of them is most definitely how much she likes lazy morning make out sessions. They’re definitely one of the seven wonders of the world. “And who said there was going to be nothing sexual about our sleepover? I was definitely planning at least a little something.”

Her nose scrunches up, and Killian moves to gently bite it, making her laugh. “We can have something sexual happen, but only if it’s during truth or dare. No funny business otherwise, mister.”

His lips part like he’s going to say something, and she runs her hand up and down his arm as she waits. But then he blinks one long, slow blink and shuts his mouth, whatever words he was going to say curling back on his tongue.

“What?” she questions, moving her leg against his.

“Nothing,” Killian smiles, pressing forward to run his lips over hers again, making her toes curl from the way that he knows just what to do in a kiss to make her happy. “I was simply thinking of this sleepover we’re going to have, and how I need to buy some better pajamas for it. I can’t have you seeing me in anything less than decent.”

“You’re not wearing any clothes right now.”

“And I’ve yet to hear a complaint from you about that, so I think this may be decent attire.”

“Well then,” she sighs, slowly running her foot up his calf again and watching his eyes darken, “I think it’ll be perfectly fine attire then too.”

-/-

This is stupid.

This is so, so stupid. She can’t believe she’s doing this. It’s ridiculous. The most ridiculous thing in the entire world. Okay, maybe not in the entire world, but she’s feeling extra dramatic right now.

The most dramatic, and that’s not an exaggeration.

Killian told her to meet him in the hallway where all of the suites in the stadium are located, and she’s been standing her for fifteen minutes pretending to look at her phone instead of actually looking at her phone and answering emails or something. Or checking stats for the game. She should be doing that, but they’re still in the top of the first inning, and she’s pretty sure this is going to be the game that never ends.

Ever.

And she’ll be stuck in this hallway in London for the rest of her life and die in the yellow maxi dress that she spent thirty minutes picking out because she had no idea what to wear to her secret boyfriend’s niece’s tea party birthday. She’d also debated on going out and getting a gift despite their conversation last night, but then she’d reminded herself that she’s not technically planning on coming to this thing. It’s some kind of fake spur of the moment thing, and bringing a gift would ruin that.

She needs to calm down.

This is fine.

A set of doors to her left open, and she sees Killian walk through. She’s so used to seeing him dressed in his uniform or sweatpants and some kind of team-branded t-shirt when they’re in a baseball stadium that it throws her off when she sees him in tight-fighting blue jeans with a light blue button down tucked in, the sleeves rolled up and several buttons at the top undone so that she can see little tufts of black hair and the silver chain that he wears to keep his mom’s ring next to his heart.

Athletes have all kinds of traditions and superstitions for every part of their life, but her favorite is that Killian keeps that ring on him at all times.

“Hello, kind acquaintance,” he teases when he sees her, eyes darting around the hallway while he steps closer, “funny running into you here looking absolutely gorgeous in that dress. I’d say it’s perfect for a tea party.”

“You are ridiculous.” “You have got to stop saying that about me like it’s new information.” Killian steps up to her then, looking around once more before quickly dipping his head to kiss her while grabbing her ass like they didn’t just see each other two hours ago when she finally left his room. “You do look just beautiful, though. Sometimes I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

Heat immediately rises to her cheeks, but she tries to shake it and the butterflies in her stomach off. “I ask myself the same thing about you all the time.”

Killian rolls his eyes at her before holding his arm out. “You ready to go?”

Her eyes glance down at his elbow before looking back up at him. “Why are you holding your arm like that?”

“Because it’s proper to escort a lady to an event by giving her your arm when you walk, and I like to do proper by such a lady.”

“Killian,” she protests even as her heart absolutely hammers in his chest, “we can’t do that. There are people.”

“There’s no one. Indulge me for sixty seconds, okay?”

Maybe it’s that she’s feeling overwhelmed and like taking a risk or maybe it’s the way that he smiles, but something about him has her taking his arm and placing her hand in the crook of his elbow as they walk down the hallway until they’re at the double doors of the suite.

“It’s going to be fine, Swan,” Killian promises, squeezing her hand before letting go and pushing the door open so that the sounds of children excitedly talking fill their ears and her eyes take in all of the people in the room.

It’s not many, less than are usually in a big suite, but she can see at least fifteen kids, most of them children of players, and maybe ten other adults. That doesn’t seem like the right ratio, but these kids are old enough to be semi self-sufficient about most things. Everything is fine. She’s just nervous, which only gets worse when Killian’s niece spots them.

“Uncle Killian,” Addison screeches, stopping where she is and running toward the two of them in her blue dress. Killian immediately crouches down to her level, opening his arms to her and taking her into the tightest embrace before lifting her off of the ground while Addison nuzzles into his shoulder.

It may very well be the cutest and most heart-warming thing she has ever seen in her entire life.

“Happy birthday, my little love,” he sighs, swaying her as they stand. “How are you six years old? I’m pretty sure you’re still supposed to be a baby.”

“I’m too big to be a baby. Don’t be silly.”

“Don’t be silly?” he guffaws, pulling back and adjusting his grip on Addison. “Darling, I am always silly, but so are you. You’re basically the silliest goose.”

Addison scrunches up her nose, and Emma can see Killian in her there. It might be the dimples or the blue of her eyes, but Emma can see something even though both of Killian’s nieces look exactly like their mom. She is not weird at all for noticing these things. “We have talked about this. I am not a silly goose. I am a girl.”

“Geese can be girls.”

“Did you bring me a present?”

“A present?” Killian gasps, tickling Addison’s sides so that she giggles. “Am I supposed to bring you a present? No one told me.”

“But it’s my birthday,” she pouts.

“Did you bring me a present on my birthday? I don’t remember.”

“Yes,” Addison groans, holding her head back. “I drew you a picture of us.”

“Oh, that’s right, that’s right,” Killian sighs, glancing to the side and winking at Emma, which definitely doesn’t do something weird to her heart. “You did. I have it framed on my bookshelf because I love it so much. I do have a present for you, but your mom and dad told me that I had to leave it at home so you can’t open it until you get back to America.”

“What is it?” she gasps, not at all deterred by the fact that she can’t open her present yet.

“Addy,” a male voice sighs, and Emma turns her head to the side to see Killian’s brother standing near them, and that definitely does something to her heart, “remember what we talked about? You have to be patient.”

“But I’m excited!” Killian puts her on the ground so that she’s no longer at eye-level with all of them, but her confidence might as well make her six feet tall. “Where’s Lucy? I don’t see her.”

“She’s sitting with Mommy. Why don’t you go find them while I talk to Killian and Ms. Emma here?”

That’s when Addison’s attention turns to her, and suddenly she feels like more eyes are on her than when she’s on television.

Is she terrified of a six-year-old? No, that would be ridiculous.

(Also, Killian’s brother knows her name, and while that’s not weird, she feels like it is. Then again, she knows his entire family.)

“Who are you?” she questions, her hands on her hips and eyes focused.

Emma plasters a smile on her face, one that was already there even if she didn’t realize it, before squatting down so that she’s eye-to-eye with Addison.

“Hi, Addison. My name is Emma. I work with your uncle.”

“Are you a baseball player?”

“No,” Emma laughs, and she looks up at Killian when she hears him chuckle. He simply shrugs his shoulders and waggles his brows across his forehead. “I wish I was, but I work on TV. You know those people who ask Killian all kinds of questions?”

“That’s you?”

“That’s me.”

Addison smiles, the teeth she has missing obvious, before she steps a little closer to Emma and touches her dress, running her fingers over the material. “I like your dress. It kind of looks like a princess dress. Are you going to stay for my party?”

“Only if you want me to.”

“I do. Do you want to come and look at my cake with me? It’s shaped like a unicorn.”

“Sure, sweetie,” she answers, smiling at Addison and taking her hand as she’s dragged off to the other side of the room, leaving Killian and Liam behind.

For the next hour, her best friend in the world is Addy Jones, who very much takes Emma under her wings as she shows her around the suite and introduces her to all of her friends. The only real experience Emma has with kids is Leo, and the four-year difference between six and ten is kind of insane, but it’s not hard to adjust and talk about all of the right things. It gets a little more difficult when she meets Lucy, if only because Lucy is one reserved little girl, but Emma notices that she very easily follows in Addy’s footsteps and has her own little personality, even if it’s quieter.

Lucy Jones also very much loves her uncle, and it makes Emma’s heart do that funny stuttering thing every time she looks up and sees Lucy sitting with Killian as he animatedly talks to her and makes her laugh with this little high-pitched squeal. She’s always known how much Killian loves his nieces from how he talks about them and how he has pictures of them in his apartment and on his social media, but seeing it in person is this whole new thing. He’s in his element, even more than he is when he’s on a baseball field like the one just outside, and this smile that’s been with her most of today continues to increase, the corners of her lips constantly ticking up whenever she thinks about him.

Which is a lot.

Probably more than a normal amount, and she just loves him so damn much that…

Holy shit.

She loves him.

Why is she realizing that right now as she sits at a table with people she doesn’t really even know while she watches him very obviously stick his pinky out while drinking tea teaching Lucy to do the same?

How in the world did this happen?

And is she terrified or so incredibly excited that it feels a lot like the fear that’s been weaving in and out of her days lately?

Does he love her too? Can he? She thinks that he can, that he does, but how is she ever supposed to know for sure? It’s been a good while since she actually felt this way, and she’s not sure that she trusts her heart to realize the difference.

“It’s Emma, right?”

Emma looks up from her seat to see Elsa Jones standing above her, blonde hair pulled back into a complicated braid and soft smile painted across her lips.

“Yeah, yes, that’s me,” Emma stutters, holding out her hand to shake Elsa’s. “Elsa?”

“The one and only. Well, kind of,” she laughs before pulling out the empty chair next to Emma and sitting down. “It’s so nice to meet you. I feel like I know you from your job.”

“Funny, I feel like I know you.”

Okay, so that’s probably pretty creepy. Was that creepy?

Before Emma can think about it too much, Elsa laughs, something that sounds genuine, and Emma has to remind herself that this is just another person who she knows is kind. There’s nothing to be afraid of. She talks to people for a living.

“I would bet. Killian talks far too much, so you get a lot of information out of him when you’re likely just looking to talk about the game. I really liked the special you did at the beginning of the season. It felt very much like him as a person, which I’m always so happy to see.”

“He’s a great subject. It’s not easy getting a lot of these guys to be charming and funny about things other than baseball, so I love when I find one that knows how to open up. And he’s so good with your daughters. I hope I’m not intruding on your day, but Killian – ”

“Found you wandering the halls and dragged you along?” Emma arches her brow, but Elsa simply waves her away, shaking her head from side to side as she glances out the windows to the game that Emma is only half paying attention to even though it’s her job. “Liam told me. You’re not intruding at all. Addy has gone on and on about her pretty new friend Emma, and any friend of my girl is a friend of mine. Plus, we Joneses owe you about a million apologizes for my dumbass brother-in-law asking you out.”

She has to cover her mouth with her hand as she laughs, a snort escaping her before she can stop it. “Did you guys give him hell for that? I feel like he does deserve it.”

“Oh, most definitely. Killian is not a super spontaneous guy, especially when it comes to women, not anymore at least, so I’m not entirely convinced someone didn’t spike his water bottle. I actually choked on my own water bottle when I saw it happening, so I gave him hell for that too.”

“Good, but I’ve forgiven him as long as he never does something like that again. Our working relationship is much better now because he can basically never say no when I want an interview.”

“True,” she says, her smile somehow brighter. “You’ve got to use those kinds of things in your favor. I do it with Liam all the time. It works like a charm.”

“What does?” Liam asks as he steps up to them.

“Hi, sweetie,” Elsa greets him, tilting her head back so that Liam can kiss her. “Have you met Emma?”

“I did when she came in, but I didn’t get much of a chance to talk to her before Addy dragged her away. So, it’s nice to meet you, Emma.”

“It’s nice to meet you as well. I was telling Elsa that it’s good to put real faces to names I’ve heard so much about.”

“You’ve heard a lot about us?”

“Oh, y-yeah,” she mumbles, internally cursing herself again. “Work and all. I know far too much about the lives of all of the players, which is both a good and bad thing.”

“I would bet. Do you know about – ”

“Yesterday?” she asks. Liam nods his head, his smile tightened. “Yeah, I know. It was shitty, but it happens. And I’m glad Will and Killian and some of the other guys stood up for me like that, even if Killian was an idiot for messing up his hand. But I feel like I’m part of the team sometimes, and it’s nice to know they have my back.”

“Emma,” Addy squeals as she runs toward the three of them, completely ignoring her parents, “Killian said to come and get you to ask if you wanted to join our tea party. He says that you don’t know how to drink tea, and I have to help you.”

Her eyes immediately glance over to Killian, and when he moves his brow across his forehead, laughter bubbles inside of her stomach and her mouth falls into a soft smile. The ridiculous fool.

“You know what, Addy,” she sighs, “I don’t think I know how to drink tea. You and Lucy will have to teach me, okay?”

“I know. Come on.” Addison tugs at her arm until she rises from her chair, excusing herself to Liam and Elsa before she’s dragged across the room and over to the table where all of Addison’s friends and Killian are eat snacks and drinking tea, which looks a lot more like orange juice, and Emma is told to sit down in the chair next to Killian who is holding Lucy’s goldfish snacks while she inspects all of them. “Uncle Killian, I brought Emma over. Emma, do you want orange tea or apple tea?”

“Um, orange tea.”

Addy nods her head before she’s running off to the other side of the table and leaving Emma with Killian and Lucy.

“So, you need to teach me how to drink tea then?”

He shrugs his shoulders as he attempts to flip the hair that’s fallen over his forehead back. “My brother and sister-in-law had cornered you, and I thought you might need a little saving. I knew that you were a little nervous about meeting them.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

“You talk in your sleep.”

“I do not, you as – jerk,’” she corrects, stopping herself when Lucy looks up at her. “Hi, sweetheart. I like your dress.”

“Thank you,” she says quietly, sweetly. “It’s yellow. Yours is yellow.”

“I know. We’re basically twins. Are you going to eat your goldfish?”

Lucy softly smiles, little blonde curls falling in her face, before picking up a handful of her snacks from Killian and offering them over to Emma in a sweet gesture that definitely rivals everything romantic that her uncle has ever done.

“Thank you, Lucy.” Emma pops one into her mouth only to look up at Killian and see that his eyes are crinkled, those little lines showing up, and her stomach pleasantly twists at the sight of it. She realized that she loved him less than twenty minutes ago, and there are still a lot of crazy feelings processing in her brain right now. A lot. “Do you want some, twenty-nine?”

Killian blinks, almost like he doesn’t recognize her nickname for him, before reaching over and taking some of the fish that she’s offering him. It’s cheesy and very romance novel-ish, but she swears that she feels sparks when his fingers brush over the palm of her hands.

“Thank you, love.”

“I have your orange team, Emma,” Addy shouts as she comes back to them, balancing a far too full plastic cup of orange juice that spills a little on the carpet until Emma takes it from Addy’s hand.

“Well, thank you, Addy. But it’s your birthday. Shouldn’t I be helping you do something instead of you handing me my tea?”

Addy hums at this, her forefinger tapping against her chin while her foot taps on the ground. “You can help me open my presents later, okay?”

“That sounds like a deal.”

-/-

“Working hard or hardly working?”

Emma pulls the headphones from her ears so that she can hear Killian better, even though she could most definitely hear the cheesy phrase that just came out of his mouth. His family is flying back on the team plane, as are all of the other players’ families, and since she is Addison Jones’s new favorite person as of seven hours ago, she was asked to sit with all of the Jones clan, which has really just been her sitting in a seat by the window with Addy and Lucy switching seats until the both of them were corralled by their parents to go to sleep. And now she’s got Killian sitting next to her, which is what she was hoping for but isn’t the most subtle thing in the world.

They are not subtle people even when they probably think they are.

She’d never make it in federal law enforcement or something like that.

“My deadline is in an hour, and I had to pay twenty-seven dollars for WiFi so that I could send it in.”

“So, working hard?”

“Yep.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No, no,” she protests, reaching down to take another sip of her coffee. Her jet-lag is going to be even worse of a bitch tomorrow. “You can stay. I just have to check my stat facts, and then I’ll be finished. It’s kind of hard to work when everyone else is asleep and it’s so dark in here, so, you know, I’m drinking all of the caffeine to stay awake. I think I have a food baby made of unicorn cake.”

“Aye, me too,” he laughs as he pats his stomach. “That was too much sugar.”

“No such thing.”

“Oh, but there is, darling.” His hand brushes over her forearm, and she can see the slight scabs and marks from him punching Arthur yesterday. Nothing new has been said, no suspensions mentioned, and she hopes that it stays that way. She also hopes that nothing like that ever happens again.

“How does your hand feel?”

“A little sore, but I’m right as rain. It’s a good thing I have several days off, yeah?”

Emma groans, shutting her eyes just at the thought of getting up to work tomorrow like most people on this plane except for Killian and Robin. “Don’t remind me. I’m going to look like a zombie tomorrow, and feel even worse than that. If I ever go overseas again, it’s going to be for long enough to adjust to the time.”

“You and me both,” he yawns, and she’s totally endeared by the way his face contorts there only for him to smile at her with a tired, boyish grin that she’s endeared by even more. “Finish up your article, my love, and then I say that you at least try to go to sleep.”

“Always looking out for me.”

“You know it.”

Her hand reaches over his scarred one so that she can squeeze it, which is all she can really do right now. But honestly, being right here next to him simply sitting together after all of the craziness of these few days – baseball, meeting her boyfriend’s family, asshole players getting punched, quick tours of London that went by in a blur, and realizing that she loves Killian – is more than enough when it’s already absolutely everything.

#catch me if you can #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

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skamfrance · 5 years

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youtube

Interviewer : You can find SKAM on france tv and on other platforms.

Hi Axel!

Axel : Hello!

I : How are you?

A : I’m great, what about you?

I : Axel, how do you manage to have this much energy? I know people usually ask me this, but you’re currently on tour all around the country with your show ‘Une vie sur mesure’, and not ‘Une vie meilleure’, as I’ve been saying (mumbled, i don’t understand the rest of his sentence). ‘Une vie meilleure’ is a movie. I confused the two of them.

You’ve just finished filming season 3 and 4 of SKAM. We’ll explain the special format soon, you filmed both seasons together. You’ve just come back from filming a movie and you’re going back tomorrow. How are you living? What’s going on?

A : Listen, it’s cool, you have to enjoy it and I’m really happy and aware of how lucky I am to be able to live out my childhood dreams. But I’m also aware of how ephemeral it can be and that you have to work. You have to enjoy your opportunities but also be aware that everything can be over tomorrow. You have to live everything out as much as possible. This is insane and amazing.

I : And how old are you, Axel?

A : I’m 21.

I : You’re 21. I’d like to say, I’ve seen the first two seasons of SKAM. I just saw the last two, or at least the 3rd one, the leaked episodes. Leaked episodes? No, the ones that came out.

This season is amazing. First of all, we’ve been waiting for LGBT representation for a long time. We can find them after 18 years old, but not never from the point of view of a high school life. I know it’s been good for a lot of young people, I’m thinking about the kids from Le Refuge (French LGBT organisation that’s a shelter for LGBT kids who’ve been kicked out of their homes) who are listening to us. Just for that, congrats on having had the choice to do this role. It’s not an obvious choice for lots of actors. I know it was never a problem for you, but it is for a lot of actors.

On a technical level, this season is extraordinary. The use of lights has nothing to do with first two seasons. I’m only saying that because of cinema fans who might have skimmed over the first two seasons. I’m telling you, this is on another level. I was amazed - not that I didn’t like the first seasons-, I was amazed by this one.

When you got the script, did you know it was well above the first two seasons? Did you realise it? And did you understand that it would be so good on a technical level? The technical work on the lighting is great, especially considering the fact that I know you have really long filming days. 8... 18 usable minutes per day?

A : No, no, it’s about 12 to 14 minutes minimum.

I : Why don’t you explain to us the SKAM experience, after this onslaught of questions?

A : I at least felt, not that it was gonna be above, far from it, but that it was gonna be different. Because for one, for the first two seasons, David Hourregue, the director, and even the writers, we’d signed a contract with France TV... I mean, ‘we signed’, I didn’t sign anything, but they signed the fact that they really had to stick to the original, be the same narrative framework, be close to the original script, and the camera angles, and the story.

So they had this constraint of the Norwegian version in this french adaptation.

I : It was crazy, a huge success over there.

A : And I understand that! It talked about the teenage years and really important matters.

I : With a different tone.

A : With a different tone, not overly emotional. And in this third season, from the beginning, David... David Hourregue, the director, who’s a magnificent conductor, to be able to make 14 usable minutes of footage every day, it’s truly... He’s an amazing team leader, and always with benevolence. He knows how to direct each person with different words, but always in an admirable way... Uhm, he immediately set his conditions, meaning he really wanted this season to be true to his vision, he wanted to be able to change some things from the framework, so that it wouldn’t be a copy and paste from the original.

So right from the beginning, when he showed me the script...

I : Had you seen the original version?

A : Yes, I’d seen it. I’d seen it. And it reassured me too, because it’s true that the characters came from us a lot more, he took inspiration from us because he knew us, to write the characters and to write Lucas’ evolution.

I : He’s a very dreamlike character, he’s a bit like you. We’ll talk about it later.

A : Do you think so?

I : Yeah. He’s a bit like you. There are a lot of differences, but I think he’s a bit like you, in regards to the poetry or the dreamlike quality... He’s someone who could be from the 18th century, the 19th century...

A : That’s nice.

I : It’s a compliment!

A : I’m glad I came!

I : Did you work on... When you got the script, did you tell yourself, ‘okay, when it come to gay representation, or just the representation of a high shcool, love story, but between two guys...” Did you need to look for other movies, or novels? Did you do research work on this? Did you just go on the set spontaneously, as an actor, without any research beforehand.

A : No, no there was research work before. I saw Call Me By Your Name, I saw Moonlight, I saw The Office. Not for the LGBT representation, but for references David wanted me to have. I also did a lot of preparation with Maxence Danet-Fauvel, who plays Eliott.

I : He’s amazing, the two of you have an incredible chemistry.

A : He’s a genius, it was a really beautiful meeting with him. We got very lucky, and we did a lot of work beforehand to have this chemistry, and to know and trust each other. So that when we got on the set, we could just let Maxence and Axel go and really be in character. We trusted the whole team.

You were talking earlier about the photography, and I would like to thank Xavier Dolleans, who’s doing amazing work. He’s an unbelievable operating chief. To do 12 to 14 minutes of usable footage everyday... I don’t know if you guys realise this, it’s truly a lot...

I : 12 to 14 minutes, it’s 12 to 14 minutes of scenes that can be used in the cutting room. Usually, it’s 2 to 3 minutes in movies and 5 to 7 minutes for tv shows. It’s a lot.

A : And to be able to have this maturity with the light, and...I saw him manage his team and it’s really a fantastic team, and it was a team which was dedicated to this story, and everyone really wanted to...There was a week when we did at least three hours of overtime every day.

And there was really a thing where every one was carried by the same energy, and to really...give life to this story, which we all thought was beautiful, and the whole team was really motivated and that also really contributed to the fact that we really had fun, we really enjoyed ourselves, and it really has been a crazy experience to live as these characters and to live this story.

I : And did you know...did you see what we call the rush combo (??), did you realise that from a technical standpoint it was superior? I’m really impressed by the editing, the filming, the music. I actually texted you about this when I watched the episodes. I really liked seasons 1 and 2, but here, we’re clearly at the next level, especially since I know you were filming 18 usable minutes a day, which is huge. Did you realise that you were going to the next level?

It’s promising for seasons 5-6, which are coming soon.

A : No, season 4.

I : But you’re filming seasons 5-6 soon, right?

A : Uh... No. Not that I’m aware of. I might not be invited.

I : Oh, well, we’ll talk about it. So, for now, season 3 is filmed and season 4...

A : Season 4 is also filmed.

I : It’s also filmed.

A : But for seasons 5-6, we don’t have any news yet.

I : Yes, but it’s so successful, it would surprise me if you didn’t... you have to say it’s really successful. It’s even more successful than the first two seasons if I’m not wrong. I know you’re humble and won’t say it. I’m telling you, it’s smashing everything on the platform.

A : Yes, it’s crazy, and we’re so happy. We see people’s reactions, and we get messages in which... young people tell us it can help them, give them confidence, show them they’re not alone. An we realised, and I realised more and more while we were filming, while trying to live this story, how difficult it could be for young people today. That it was still relevant.

I : What do you mean, you realised it?

A : Because the character ends up having to lie, to hide his feelings...

I : Did you meet people, I’m thinking about all those young people from Le Refuge who are listening to us.... Did you meet young people who... Because, in your life, you’ve met people who...

A : I met people around me, I have friends who... I have a friend who came out two years ago. And to see how the way people look at you can change too, people who said they were your friends and suddenly turn their backs on you...

That’s something that’s very violent and I never had to live through. I saw it through my friends. And there, I was at the center of the story, and even if it wasn’t my life, when I got on the set, and I was Lucas and we were filming scenes where things were going badly, I realised what this could be like in real life, at least at my scale.

And I also realise how important it is. That’s why the message from the show is that, even if society gives more and more importance to assholes who think they have a right to judge other people, well, you’re not alone, and love prevails, love will win and you have to be proud of who you are.

You have a right to love a girl, to love a guy, to change, and it’s really important to say you have a right to do that, and that a love story like Lucas’ and Eliott’s is beautiful, and that’s what you should remember.

I : And have you gotten... I know we had Medhi Meskar for the show Les Engagés (french web serie about LGBT activists; it’s amazing, you should watch it) and he said he got quite a few messages from young gays from the Maghreb, I got some when I was on Clem (another tv show). Have you gotten messages... you blew up and social media recently and you deserve it, I’m really happy for you, but did you get messages from young people saying thank you?

A : A lot, yeah! And that’s what I wanted to talk to you about! We started the show, and that’s true... Maxence and I had a drink together, which ended pretty late... And we told each other the purpose of the show was to have an experience above everything else and on top of that, to help even just one young person to be able to accept themselves to realise they could and should be proud of who they are. And when we get messages like that, it feels like we’ve won everything. Because this crazy experience lasts longer, and seeing what the show’s impact on people can be is amazing.

I : What did your work on this show teach you as an actor? How did it make you grow as an actor? And did you have time to look at the technical parts? I know things go really quickly on this show, but the technique is so amazing, did you take advantage of that to see how an operator works etc?

A : So, I’m super naive about technique, to be honest. I know we used the same camera as Avatar. I mean, the same model. Beyond that, I’ll admit I don’t really know... I learned that... I mean, I learned... it went really fast, so you had to be in it right away. And I was lucky, I was in every frame of the story, so you had to be quick, go from one state to the other. It was real work, getting on set and already having all of the script in your head, what moment we were shooting, to know that if I was shooting the scene from episode 9 before the scene from episode 4, to know what had happened before the episode 4 scene even though I’d just shot episode 9. It was a lot.

I : How did you do it? Did you have a notebook?

A : I did have a notebook and post it notes each day with what had happened before, what my relationship was with each character at this point, what I was thinking when I got there etc. It was a lot of work before shooting.

#skamfr #skam france #axel auriant

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unimpressedperson · 5 years

Text

Once in a lifetime, changes were not doubts | m.yg |

(Found this lovely, cutie utie pic on @mnygni‘s account)

Genre: Fluff, a bit of angst

Warnings: Existential crisis

Pairing: @cypher-yngi x Min Yoongi, reader x Min Yoongi

Word Counting: 1.5k

Synopsis: Once Emerson met with her old high school colleagues, she began questioning her own life choices.

A/N: Heeeeeey EM!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I PURPLE YOU GIRL! IT’S PART OF YOUR BIRTHDAY GIFT! It’s a short one shot, sorry for the small lenght. This piece of writing was inspired by the song ‘Triste, Louca ou Má’ from a brazilian/mexican band called Francisco El Hombre. It’s such an empowering hymn. Hopefully you’ll like it ♥ Forgive any grammatical mistakes. Good reading xX

It’s highly unedited

The link for the playlist attached to the oneshot and your second birthday gift ♥: Emerson’s Greatest Hits

- x - x - x - x -

Emerson felt like Schopenhauer, facing existentialism and digging in her own thoughts, craving realization or new ideas. Although, her brain worked in a fast pace even during the ungodly hours of the morning. After so many sleepless nights, there were no clues on what's a proper slumber under blankets and anchored by pillows, only flying and allowing her body to float around through dreams.

Tired of stiring between the sheets, she took a deep breathe, opening her blueish-greenish eyes, staring at the darkness consuming wholly the bedroom. When you cannot rest peacefully, nights and days seem to last long, long dusks and long dawns. The yellow mornings and purple evenings all feel the same, no longer being capable to differ them.

She couldn't pierce her eyes closed anyway.

Still feeling the queer comfort of being left sitting in the dark, Emerson got on her feet, hazy with tiredness, awake with one thousand thoughts cruising, synapses and explosions, lighting the darkness behind her eye globes. Brain producing more energy than the whole neighbourhood.

It's weird to imagine how much electricity a body can produce, but cannot spread. Humans are nothing but a storage of unused energy. We are atomic and Emerson knew it, she swore that if the room was quiet enough, she could feel atoms setting, blood rushing in her eardrums, result of the heart beating, pulsating the red and white globes through veins.

Standing up felt weird, anything a palm in front of her face couldn’t be seem. The darkness is terrifying once you’re no longer hiding yourself from everything outside. Once you feel obligated to navigate along it, reach the light switch and hope it will be there. Not being able to perceive a fly in front of you is scary, and Emerson knew it.

Instead of turning the lights on, Emerson decided to keep walking through darkness, listening to shadows speaking. Telling her secrets only daylight can keep, nighttime is a loud speaker, a tattletale. Corners whispers, but once you drown it all in black, then nothing else contain their incessant talking, babbling nonsense.

Emerson listened to them, not stopping their ranting.

Darkness, sleepless nights, tiresome afternoons, nothing could quite hurt her anymore.

Nothing but loneliness.

Maybe, all the rating could not bother Emerson, their voices fulfilled the silence, not leaving room for loneliness. A loneliness daylight couldn’t occupy, fill to the brim. Shadows are full of sounds, everything seems livid in darkness.

Why turn the lights on, when the gloominess hugged so tightly those who accept it?

However, in that specific night, Emerson felt lonely, even accompanied by her ghosts, loud thoughts and thuds of her feet hitting the cold ground.

Emerson felt numb by sleeplessness, but awake with jolts of thoughts. Finally reaching the kitchen, after an eternity of walking and exploring the darkness, she got to the door and, only then, turning on the lights, hissing with clarity, asking for apologies from the shadows who were abruptly shut down. She could no longer bear listening to them. She was going insane.

The fridge was opened and Emerson grabbed a box of milk, not worrying about pouring the content in a cup, drinking straight from it. Long sips, nurturing her body and slowly blowing away the fog.

A long day ahead. A long day back.

Sitting on a chair and reaching for her laptop, Emerson began remembering the past day.

A high school reunion. Almost 12 years passed and yet douchebags were douchebags, people still talked shit about each other, but now whilst rambling about their conquerings, children, jobs, travels, fulfilled dreams, and well, Emerson felt like just Emerson.

A gymnasium crowded with people on their 30s, old students, old friends whose destinies run apart. They were now gathering 12 years of news, 12 years of events and occurrences. Dyed hair, wigs and a lot of dieting shakes, adults swimming in debts and bills, yet proudly bragging and showing off their achievements.

Emerson decided to sip on her non-alcoholic fruit punch and observe, questioning all her life choices, mainly the moment where she accidentally accepted hanging out with venomous colleagues. She was sitting on the benches and taking a mental note on never accepting anything without thoroughly reading ever again, specifically if the e-mail has her school emblem and the option to turn down.

Staring at everyone, showing off their kids and apartments, Emerson thought about life.

In ten years she rented her own small place, kept a good long-distance relationship with a korean music producer, a stable job as a psychologist, yet all the bragging made her question: How much did I actually change?

Growing old felt easy, but growing old comfortably always bugged Emerson. Once she left high school, her dream was to evolve, grow out of her shell and be Karen Horney for the teenagers. Unfortunately life ain’t that easy and concluding university costed too much of her sanity, despite all the loneliness and issues, she managed to survive.

Leaving the High School meeting felt reliving. What a waste of precious time, getting around people she hated or barely knew. It drained all the energy from her body and once she arrived at home, let her flesh and bones carve their shape on her bed, hopeful and wishing for some rest. But her brain couldn’t shut off and get in R.E.M sleep, going through everything that happened during all those 12 years.

In a well filled with loneliness and gloominess, Emerson met Min Yoongi through internet.

After finishing high school and entering university, Emerson discovered a profound love for acoustic rap. Her roommate showed a song from Rap Monster and his lyrics about anxiety and fear of failure, some of them masterpieces and within weeks, the girl was dipping down on a spiral of acoustic songs, charged with unhuman levels of sentimentalism and words. Among the talented rappers, a certain small yet rageful guy named Min Yoongi, or Agust D, started playing on Youtube.

Agust D, stage name from a korean rapper who moved to United Kingdom when he was 14, wrote about depression crudely, getting rid of metaphors whenever the subject was himself, but showing off his writing skills and capacity of creating parallels between rap and philosophy. Emerson fell head over heels for him and commented on one of his videos with such passion, expressing how grateful she felt for finding out about his work.

What actually surprised her was his answer: his personal e-mail address, an emoticon winking and other of a phone. He asked for her phone number in a subtle way. Smooth.

Their bonding was instantaneous.

Although he lived in Northern Ireland, too far from Emerson, yet they worked their arses off in order to meet monthly.

Her dating aspect of life was amazing, a long-term relationship with someone compatible and comprehensible.

Why did she feel so incomplete and lonely after all?

Staring blankly at her laptop screen, suddenly her vision got wet and blurry. Tears streaming down her face, ruining the make-up she applied in order to look more mature. Black eye liner? Ruined. Concealer? Stained. Mascara? No longer existing. Everything running down and breaking the coat of foundation.

Emerson wanted to improve herself and wished upon a star everyday.

She had an amazing life, with a good job and a stable relationship. Yet her brain couldn’t see how amazing she was. No one half as strong and tough could go through hard times on her previous job, all the bullying and mental health struggles without letting the existential pain drop them to their knees.

Her insatisfaction seemed pointless, whenever she thought about rationally, but couldn’t control her brain. Could not hold the negative thoughts down.

Everyone on that goddamn high school reunion seemed to have improved, matured and grow out their childish pants. Changing and living their best life, regardless of bills and difficulties.

Yoongi always bragged about how great his girlfriend was and her co-workers constantly compliment her skills, her empathy.

How could she not understand it? How could she still feel so lonely despite everything surrounding her?

Why couldn’t she feel like evolving and changing?

Out of nowhere, the ghosts decided to pronounce themselves even without shadows to support their voices, asking her why she was crying, who did hurt her and saying the sweetest words, slowly helping and making everything seem to be less lonely.

After crying a river, she cleaned the last remaining tears. The clear, small and, before contaminated by rests of makeup, the black eyeliner corrupting the pureness of each drop, now clean and sheer, the most raw demonstration of innocent sadness.

Indignation.

Rage.

Frustrations.

Among so many changes, ups and downs.

Evolution, it’s not solely a synonym for improvement. Changing, this defines the human evolution. It frustrates. It hurts you. Changing is painful. Emerson felt so much pain whilst watching time flying by.

The teardrops, now transparent, candid like newborn soul, brought to this world within seconds.

In that moment, pure, crude, bare, stripped of luxe, all the past risks and struggles drowning in realization, oh in that moment, Emerson realized her growth. Her changing.

The ghost now had only one voice and the source from every word was placed in front of her: the laptop.

“Hey, love, are feeling better now?” - Yoongi asked through a video call, his gummy smile flashing and making Emerson grin.

She was changing, growing, improving and slowly accepting it.

- x - x - x - x -

Hey babe, did you like it? Here’s the translation for the song I mentioned above:

“Sad, mad or mean

Shall be qualified

Those whom she denies

Follow thus method.

The cultural method

Of husband, of family

Take care, taking care of a routine

Only rejects anyway

Well known method

Those whom are painless

Accepts everything shall change.

That a man doesn’t define you

Your house doesn’t define you

Your flesh doesn’t define you

You’re your own home.

That a man doesn’t define you

Your house doesn’t define you

Your flesh doesn’t define you.

She’s gone senseless

Untied knots

Will live in her own

She’s gone senseless

Untied knots

Will live in her own.

Cannot perceive myself on that word

Female: hunting target

Settled victim

I’d rather burn the map

Trace the roads all over again

See colours through ashes

And reinvent life.

And the man doesn’t define me

My house doesn’t define me

My flesh doesn’t define me

I’m my own home.

She’s gone senseless

Untied knots

Will live in her own.”

youtube

#bts fluff #bts angst #bts reactions #bts oneshot #bangtan sonyeondan #min yoongi #suga #rm #kim namjoon #bts #francisco el hombre #bts fanfic #happy birthday emerson #i purple you #bts ships

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writingonesdreams · 5 years

Text

Novel Prep tag Game 3 - New wip: Flickers in the dust

So a new wip, another Novel prep tag game. These questions are just perfect for testing and developing ideas so here we go.

Rules: Answer the questions and then tag as many writers as there are questions answered (or as many as you can) to spread the positivity! Even if these questions are not explicitly brought up in the novel, they are still good to keep in mind when writing.

1. Describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch)

The question: How can a bunch of people with "useless" skills survive an post-apocalyptic world?

Impassive procastrinator Alysa travels with her self-destructive childhood friend Kyle, and the energetic 8 yeal old neighbour Iris, with the delinquent but vigorous boxer Roman and his werewolf friend Wes through the desolated world left after the apocalypse, trying to reach a better life in a bigger city.

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be? (Is it a novella, single book, book series, etc.)

A novel for now.

3. What is your novel’s aesthetic?

Dusty wastelands. Long field road. Vacant ghost towns and abandoned cars. Dust storms. Constant dark cloudy sky.

4. What other stories inspire your novel?

Megalo Box, Wolf’s rain, The promised Neverland, Ergo Proxy

5. Share 3+ images that give a feel for your novel

6. Who is your protagonist?

Alysa is a talented, thoughtful girl and former child prodigy, but she had trouble deciding what she wanted from life and started to fail her university exams. Her lack of self-discipline, motivation or healthy socilaization led her to believe she is quite unfit for the adult life or the world in general. After the apocalypse happenes she is forced to drastically change her priorities and negative thinking for the sake of survival.

7. Who is their closest ally?

Kyle is emotionally abused, burned-out genius with a self-destructive streak and fondness for dark humor. His will to live and emotional stability has steadily decreased over the years. Staying alive has been enough of a challange, so activelly fighting to survive seems like a pretty impossible feat to him.

8. Who is their enemy?

The desolated world after the apocalypse and it’s survival challanges, including insane mutated humans, ruthless gangs, isolated research centers, way too intelligent wolf packs and their struggle not to give up on their will to live.

9. What do they want more than anything?

The main characters want to be capable enough to survive and in addition to that live in a somehow meaningful way. To find out what's really important and what's the main difference between survival and living.

10. Why can’t they have it?

Alysa was pretty much a failing existence when it came to finding her place in the adult society and now she is supposed to survive in a world that's 100 times worse after the apocalypse. How can she do that when she had trouble surviving in the normal one?

Kyle struggled to find reasons to stay alive after his emotional abuse and depression. He has been saved by his friends and family from this, but now it's not just his survival at stake. Will a boy that had to be constantly saved from himself, be able to save someone else?

Roman was a boxer and convict before the apocalypse happened. His violent past marked him as unfit to decent people, but ironically made him exceptionally suitable for this destroyed world- he pretty much has better chances for a good life now then before. Does this make him a bad person? Does he deserve to win against the world or will he change to match it's cruel conditions?

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

Alysa believes she is worthless and incapable as a person.

Kyle feels like he is living on borrowed time anyway and doesn't see any perspectives for himself.

Roman isn’t sure if his abilities to survive that are based on his violent past don’t make him a bad person.

12. Draw your protagonist! (Or share a description)

Alysa is tall and slender girl, has middle long wavy blond hair, light blue eyes and ivory skin. She has very delicate features and is rather pale.

Roman is muscular and tall with tanned olive skin, black curly hair and amber eyes. He is covered in scars, most notably on his chest, arms and neck.

Kyle is tall, lanky and not visibly muscular even though he is trained in martial arts. He has a bit longer black hair, with bangs falling in his eyes, very pale skin and grey eyes.

Wes in his human form has dirty blond curly hair and eyes that change from green-blue to black according to his mood. He has dusty grey fur in his wolf form.

Iris has short red hair and vibrant green eyes.

Plot Points

13. What is the internal conflict?

The characters struggle with their will to live in a destroyed world and with their feelings of worthlessness and inaptitude to fend for themselves or build happy lives.

14. What is the external conflict?

Surviving in the destroyed world, maturing and growing stronger, adapting to change and fighting for themsleves in a world that is aiming to make it as hard as possible for them.

15. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?

To die because they gave up on life instead of the world actually killing them. Losing to the harsh conditions of the world would be better then losing to themselves (albeit not much).

16. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?

How do you not give up when everything seems hopeless? Who is the worse enemy in this destroyed world - the mutated monsters or the humans left? Where does the will to carry on come from? Is it possible to hold on to humanity in a world of ruin? And what is it that makes us human?

17. Do you know how it ends?

Nope. I’m happy I don’t, since it makes it seem like a very exciting story to work on!

18. What is the theme?

Self-worth, aptitude for life, will to live, not giving up, true companions, bonds, drive, meaning

19. What is a reoccurring symbol?

Dust, wind, dark sky, endless road, storms

20. Where is the story set? (Share a description!)

A destroyed post-apocalyptic Earth, where the majority of the population died and the rest flocks together in desperation into cities for protection from the zombie-like humans affected by the radiation and mutated over-intelligent wolves.

21. Do you have any images or scenes in your mind already?

Many scenes, dialogues, themes, flashes of setting and atmosphere.

22. What excited you about this story?

Something about the destroyed post-apocalyptic world fascinates me. It’s a plot around survival and hard conditions forcing the protagonists to face their inner demons and self-doubts if they want to survive and have the will and drive to fight, witch often makes the difference between life and death. Also the necessity for the characters to trust and rely on each other and their group dynamics development is very exciting.

23. Tell us about your usual writing method!

I always start with characters that I stick in different scenarios or in my favourite movies and series or books and let them interact. From those I mostly get inspiring scenes that I try to connect through a plot. Afterwards I work on characterisation, world-building, research details and outline stuff a bit. I also write little snippets that sometimes turn long and can be used as chapters.

I'm tagging a few peeps I haven't seen doing this game if you are interested: @piratequeenofpixies @imaghostwriter @tenacious-scripturient @writingwhithotchocolate @cabaretofwords @nemowritesstuff @emmathenovelist @bos-ingit @my-desk-is-full-of-used-pens @purpleshadows1989 @whiteblack-raindrops @surroundedbypearls & anyone who wants to!

Wip tag list: @tenacious-scripturient @hyba @urbanteeth (tell me if you want to get on/off)

#writeblr #tag game #novel prep tag game #creative writing #my writing #wip #my wip #wip: flickers in the dust #tag games

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onisionhurtspeople · 6 years

Note

Why do u think it is that so many young girls obsess over onision? I'm 14 and when I was 11/12/13ish I worshipped onision like crazy and it was only when I was almost 13 that I realised this man who I was obsessing over is genuinely insane. It was so weird for me, realising everything that I thought made him such a great, logical person were actually disgusting, fucked up manipulation tactics and that everything i thought made him a great partner to lain/billie were actually abusive tendencies

I think it’s for a couple of different reasons (and please feel free to weigh in if you were a former/current Onision fan and would like to give your opinion):

1. I feel gross saying this since physical appearance and personality are so intimately connected for me (meaning that if I’m in love with you, then I will automatically see you as physically attractive; and if you’re a piece of shit, then my brain will automatically register you as being ugly), but he’s.. I mean, ugh. I can see why a 14-year-old girl could look at him and consider him to be hot. So I think a lot of his appeal for younger girls is the fact that he’s a hot, older, ‘mature’ ~daddy~ type. (It’ll be interesting to see if this changes as he ages.)

2. His sense of humor is very sophomoric–it’s the type of offensive, slapstick, ~edgy~ comedy that we all laughed at when we were thirteen or fourteen, back when we found insults funny, and the height of sophisticated humor was making fun of somebody for being black or calling them “gay”. Greg’s skits are the “I fucked your mom last night” genre of “comedy” personified, and I think a lot of adolescents between the ages of, say, 12 to 17 or so tend to find that sort of thing amusing, before they get older and begin to develop a more sophisticated, nuanced sense of humor.

3. To a young teenager who has just begun exploring their identity and opinions, and are starting to assimilate into, and become aware of, broader society, I could see how somebody like Greg - who seems so very confident in his assertions, who presents himself as a thoughtful, questioning, intelligent, educated, experienced, and worldly individual, and who is constantly reminding the audience of his bluntness and honesty - could fool somebody who wasn’t very experienced themselves into buying into his propaganda as fact. They’re searching for a group to belong to, an identity to cling to, a belief system to throw themselves behind - and I can see how the image of Greg, as a uniquely intelligent and thoughtful outlier who is SO honest and SO factually correct that everybody hates him because they’re so offended by the profundity and truth of his opinions, could be very appealing for somebody like that to cling to. They’re just starting to reach the age where they want to diverge into wider society, and are trying to find their identity and what makes them unique from everybody else; but they’re not yet old enough to start questioning (and researching) for themselves whether the information they’re being given is accurate, or evaluating whether the individual giving them that information is trustworthy and honest (especially when it’s an adult authority figure who they trust and admire).

#onision #question

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blouisparadise · 7 years

Photo

Here’s a part two to our rec list with bottom Louis/top Harry fics told from Harry’s point of view. You can find part one here. Enjoy!

1) Precious Little Diamond (I’ll Give It All To You) | Explicit | 2044 words

Alpha!Harry/omega!Louis PWP written for this textpost: Established relationship H/L with alpha!Harry just popping his knot in omega!Louis and it’s his favourite part; just laying down and cuddling as they mate but Louis just wriggles around in his lap until he can grab his xbox controller and starts playing video games with Harry still inside him and Harry’s like “??!?????!???!!!???” And Louis’ like “oh shush it takes forever” and scores a goal on the game.

2) If It Hurts To Breathe, Open The Window | Explicit | 4406 words

Louis looks wonderful himself, in a muscle shirt reading The Stone Roses and showing off all his own ink. His jeans are tighter than Harry’s, and there are dark circles under his eyes and his hair is tatty and wild, and there’s a sex bruise on the bend of his elbow Harry didn’t give to him.

3) It’s Your Soul That I’m Caught In Yet You Don’t Hear Me Call Your Name | Explicit | 4433 words

The one in which Harry goes out for a run in the early morning rain without telling Louis and Louis wakes up alone, cold and needy.

4) Like You Hate Me | Explicit | 6541 words

“You have poor taste for someone with the last name Styles,” he says, turning to show the back of his pants to Harry—the pants Harry had just stitched his name across last night to keep this type of thing from happening again.

Of course, he’s accomplished nothing but indirectly making himself pop a stiffy over Louis fucking Tomlinson.

5) I’m Broken, Do You Hear Me? | Explicit | 6957 words

Louis starts acting weird and distant around Harry, and it takes Harry a little while to put together what’s wrong. When he finally does, he’s determined to help Louis see just how much he loves every piece of him.

6) Glimpse Of The Silhouettes | Explicit | 7181 words

Harry isn’t sure what the rules are for this. It’s hard to believe that there are any, that’s there’s a handbook just waiting for him to buy: why is my best mate getting hard in my lap when I touch his arse?

7) A Virgin To That Money | Explicit | 7366 words

AU. Harry and Louis are broke university students who hate each other and make a sex tape. (In which Louis gets fucked a lot, Harry can’t find the camera, and the road to falling in love is different for everyone.)

8) Bite the Bullet, Feel the Rush | Explicit | 7750 words

Louis is still behind him, insistently teetering from one foot to another, breathing against his neck in short, warm puffs and he feels so nice and sleep warm, smells so good, like the laundry detergent they use, like the Acqua di Gio he wears, like the coconut shower gel he probably steals from Harry, because Harry’s sure it’s his own and he’s even more certain that Louis doesn’t have his own bottle of the same thing, and Harry feels pure want tugging somewhere behind his ribcage, inside his tummy and it’s horribly unfair, he thinks.

9) Raised on Rhythm and Blues | Explicit | 8034 words

Note: Mentions of BH.

“That look on your face makes me think you’re not cooking me spaghetti fast enough,” Louis announces as he walks back into the kitchen. Harry knows exactly where Zoe gets her habits from.

“Cooking for my two beautiful and insanely intelligent children, not for the weird bloke that sleeps in my bed and eats all my food,” Harry answers, tilting his head and wondering if he should add more sauce.

10) Love To Make Him Moan | Explicit | 8106 words

They fuck like they’re sex starved, when they’re really, really not.

11) Put You On Repeat, Play You Everywhere I Go | Explicit | 8290 words

Harry is a college radio show host and Louis is a contemporary dancer attending said college. After a drunk hook-up, naturally a whole bunch of pining, dedicated love songs and make-out sessions on dance studio floors ensue.

12) Maid In The A.M. | Explicit | 9118 words

“You’re not supposed to be here.” The lad frowned at him.

“Sorry,” Harry said automatically. Which, wait. No, that wasn’t right. “Um, actually, I sort of live here?”

Okay, that came out less firm than Harry would like, but it was still true.

The guy rolled his eyes. “Obviously.”

Harry had absolutely no idea what was happening.

13) We Wreak Havoc With Our Hearts | Explicit | 9417 words

Harry finds that he can’t keep things separate; neither can Louis.

14) Got It Right Such A Long Time Ago | Explicit | 9699 words

Four months into One Direction’s hiatus, Louis comes to stay with Harry after a bad breakup.

15) 3B Neighbor | Explicit | 10407 words

A mysterious neighbour keeps slipping the worst sort of notes under Harry’s door.

16) Just Like The Wolf Before He Bites | Explicit | 11096 words

He’s loud, Louis is, and that’s far from unusual for him, but the volume of it still has Harry pulling back the curtain. There’s a half-formed thought in the back of his brain about telling Louis off, because it’s fucking half three in the morning, but then.

But then Harry’s eyes get stuck on the soft glint of Louis’ stubble in the light, and he’s making his way across the room before he even realizes it.

Louis, for his part, just tips his chin up to give Harry space and keeps talking, waving the joint in his hand around for emphasis. He doesn’t even bother to greet Harry, going on with his story to his semi-rapt audience, just settles a hand in between Harry’s shoulder blades and pushes him down firmly.

Harry just. Relaxes. His eyes slip closed, pushing his entire face into that spot underneath Louis’ chin, where his hair is still growing, neat and prickly. The scent of Louis’ cologne drifts into Harry’s nose, light and fresh, and it’s calming. Comforting. His breathing syncs up with Louis’ quickly, and Harry feels so much better than he had five minutes ago he almost wants to cry.

17) As Deep As The Sky | Explicit | 12265 words

A passed-out omega on the bathroom floor isn’t exactly what Harry had in mind when he thought about taking a cute boy home. The idea of leaving Louis there, vulnerable and unresponsive, weighs guiltily at Harry’s conscience. Turns out it’s the best decision he’ll ever make.

18) Put It On Me | Explicit | 14890 words

Harry’s bachelor party doesn’t go as planned.

19) Temporary Tattoos, Hotel Hearts, Horizon Homes | Explicit | 17965 words

Louis is just 18 and ends up in 2015 for one day at Harry’s request, one day to make sure his spirit is strong and hopeful enough to take him to the X Factor and end him up where he’s supposed to be. Aka, the one where Harry makes sure Louis knows how amazing he is.

20) Light In Darkness Come Through | Explicit | 20012 words

Note: This fic is Harry’s perspective of this fic (which is told from Louis’ perspective), so you may want to read that one first.

There’s two parts to it, really. The first part is Louis being an omega and lying about that for years. The second, much more complicated part, is that Harry knew that Louis was lying about something for years, even though he didn’t know what it was.

Louis being an omega is an idea that crosses Harry’s mind more than a few times over the years. He’s pretty sure that he’s not the only person who’s ever had the thought, but he’s confident in saying that he’s the only one who wasn’t thinking it because Louis is tiny.

21) You Could Have Moonlight in Your Hands | Explicit | 20501 words

It’s the usual work for Harry—with awestruck fans crowding his space, cellphone cameras in his face, and rude paparazzi loitering around in front of the building to take his pictures, his day is turning into a not-so-brilliant one. And then a beautiful man falls into his life. Literally.

22) Love Like Wildfire | Explicit | 21774 words

Louis was an Omega and a Prefect. Harry was an Alpha and a little rascal. They were mates, drawn to each other since they first met in the Hogwarts Express. They worked well like that, or at least they tried, which only made their relationship way more interesting.

23) All The Lights are Full Of Colour | Explicit | 26727 words

So, fast-forwarding eight years from the day Harry met Louis, he is now a twenty-seven year old owner of one of the most up-and-coming eating establishments on the London restaurant scene, father of two wonderful boys and… separated from his husband. Now, that last part definitely was never a part of the original plan.

24) Blind From This Sweet, Sweet Craving | Explicit | 31170 words

“So, I guess we’ll go?” Louis asks later, when Harry has calmed down and eaten his weight in Chinese food. He plays with this chopsticks, spearing another piece of chicken and pops it in his mouth. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind. We could make it an adventure.”

Harry observes him, watches him seated across from him on their old living room carpet, with a container of food on his lap. He’s fidgeting, avoiding meeting Harry’s gaze–he probably knows that Harry’s mad at him for ruining the one chance they had to get out of this situation. And he’s not wrong, Harry is definitely very mad. Harry wants to strangle him and castrate him and smack him upside the head.

But he’s also Harry’s best friend, and despite everything, despite all the fuck-ups and the plot twists and everything just not playing out the way it should, he’d still rather be stuck in this situation with Louis than any of the other boys. He’s got Harry’s back, and in a weird, abstract way, he knows they’ll be able to get out of this situation, together.

Harry sighs. “We’re going,” he says resignedly, his shoulders slumping.

Oh well. There are definitely worse ways to spend the weekend than pretending to be engaged to his best friend.

25) Like A Timebomb Ticking | Explicit | 31743 words

Louis loses everything. Harry’s still there.

26) The List | Mature | 32094 words

‘In the weeks that follow, Harry opens his old journal more than he has in the past two years each time he remembers Venice or thinks about Louis. He always flips to the same random page in the middle of the book, marked by the picture of himself that Louis sent him a few days after they got home. There’s a message on the back that says, ‘Spontaneous looks good on you! See you soon,’ and it makes Harry’s chest warm each time he reads it. He wedges their list out from between the worn pages, and it feels silly staring down at a folded up piece of paper with a strange sense of nostalgia for experiences they’ve yet to have; for places they’ve never even been.’

27) What This World Is About | Explicit | 34472 words

An eighties American high school AU; there are first times, football games, and feelings.

Alternatively titled: the beginning.

28) Promise You’ll Remember That You’re Mine | Explicit | 34654 words

What he doesn’t expect is to see Louis in their bathroom wearing panties. Not even like standard panties, they’re fucking black and sheer so Harry can see Louis’ full arse and there’s even lace trimming the edges. He nearly has a heart attack.

Harry’s face probably looks like a bright red tomato, and if not then the only other option would be that all his blood is going to his dick, because Louis looks like a fucking wet dream.

“Oh, you’re back.” Louis looks as nonchalant as ever, when Harry is over here freaking the fuck out.

29) A Red-Dusted Planet | Explicit | 38256 words

A one-night stand in a small town in Australia turns into a weekend that Harry could’ve never predicted with a boy he may never forget.

30) Bluebird | Explicit | 39046 words

The 2,789 miles between New York and Los Angeles is a long way to go alone.

31) A Rhythm In Rush | Explicit | 40010 words

Harry is a WWF journalist with big dreams and Louis is a glaciologist that flies helicopters for fun. Greenland is an odd place to spend Christmas, but just maybe, the perfect place to fall headfirst into love.

32) Just A Feeling | Explicit | 43977 words

Note: This is a sequel to this fic (which is told from Louis’ perspective), so you may want to read that first.

The first time that Harry thinks about marriage in relation to Louis, he’s eighteen years old, standing in the middle of a crowded frat house, six drinks down and another in his hand.

It’s not the first time that he’s laid eyes on Louis. It’s not even the second time, or the third time, but Harry doesn’t believe in denying what his brain is trying to tell him, and his brain has been telling him that Louis might be the prettiest person in the world ever since that first fateful meeting, when Harry hadn’t been able to stop looking and Louis had ‘accidentally’ spilled his tea all over Harry’s lap in retaliation.

33) The Fairy Ring | Explicit | 46170 words

A medieval fantasy AU in which Harry is a prince in disguise and Louis is the king of the faeries.

34) All We Do Is Drive | Explicit | 46564 words

It doesn’t make sense, the way Louis can have such an effect on him. From one look, or one stupid bet, Harry’s now street racing, apparently. He hates it. Doesn’t know how to control it, every time he sees Louis looking at him - it comes like an impulse. Without a second thought. No rhyme or real reason to it. He’s just Louis.

35) So Much We Didn’t Say | Explicit | 53584 words

Harry’s near fatal accident exposed the cracks in his and Louis’ eleven year marriage. A serious error in judgement by Louis shattered it completely.

36) Like Real People Do | Explicit | 64175 words

Louis didn’t ask for a lot of things. He didn’t ask for his entire family to die in a car crash that may or may not have been his fault. He didn’t ask to get powers out of that accident, either, powers that eventually led him into a two-year relationship with a man who was far more than met the eye. But one night, he chose to ask for a replacement to a broken camera from someone he hadn’t spoken to in a year and a half. He did ask for that. And that kind of led to everything else.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

#blp #blp fic recs #fic recs #bottom louis #top harry

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intimatevoid · 6 years

Text

stolen from @littledonkeyburrito

1. Do you have callouses on your fingers? I did, back when I still played guitar often. Not anymore. 2. Ever seen the movie Sky High? Fucking iconic. 3. Do you think that horses are a bit terrifying? They are truly the most evil of creatures.

4. Do you do the grocery shopping? Who else is going to do it?

5. Do you like laying out? I don’t understand what this means..?

6. How many times have you been to the beach? Never since reaching adulthood.

7. What time do you like to wake up? I like to wake up early, like 6am. I ACTUALLY wake up at any time between 7 and midday, depending on when I fell asleep the night before, and how badly my mental illness is playing up.

8. Do you have your own car? I do. But it was old and crappy when I got it, and I suspect it will die before the end of next year.

9. How often do you listen to music? Usually when I'm driving, cooking, cleaning and showering.

10. Have you ever ridden a train? Are there people in western countries that haven’t been on a train?

11. Have you done anything productive today, anyway? I called my JSA about postponing my appointment til tomorrow, and made Ash a cup of tea.

12. Eaten anything delicious today? Mark bought Ash and me Chinese food last night - a rare treat for us - and I had leftovers for breakfast.

13. Have you ever dated someone simply for their looks? While I'm attracted to people's looks, I'm pretty sure my motives for dating have always been mental and emotional.

14. How many boyfriends have you had in 2017? One.

15. Do you know your Social Security number by heart? I think I've memorised most of my ID numbers.

16. How often do you say ��lol’ in a computer or text conversation? Not very often. Usually I say haha, or when I'm being more sarcastic, lmao.

17. Can you curse around your parents? When we talk on the phone I use curse words, yeah.

18. Are you happy with where you live? It's a good house but too cramped. Town-wise, Toowoomba is trash but it's the coolest (as in temperature) region you'll find north of Victoria.

19. Do people ever mistake you for being a different race? No, I’m pretty damn pasty.

20. If you had the chance to move to a completely different state, would you? I don't know. All the people I care about are here. Losing their proximity would wreck me.

21. Do you have a flag? Like, a physical flag made of fabric? No.

22. Do you know where the gun in your house is? Good god, what a terrifying assumption.

23. Have you ever kissed anyone with a tongue piercing? I have kissed several people with them.

24. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you bring? Bug spray, sleeping bag, water.

25. Do you still see your ex? Seb and I still occasionally see each other, yeah. 26. Name the last thing to make you angry? I don’t get angry very often, so it's hard to say. 27. What has been the best year of your life so far? I don't know tbh. Every year has been either bad or weird. I guess 2016 was the least bad. 28. If someone liked you now, would you want them to tell you? Yup~ 29. The last person you held hands with, what’s their best feature? They have beautiful eyes and gentle hands and an excellent tum.

30. Is there a high chance you’ll see someone good looking tomorrow? I probably will look in a mirror, yeah

31. When was the last time you flew in a plane? Back in 2012.

32. Think of the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them in a car? Yes. 33. Do you mind sleeping on the floor? I'd rather not, but I can if I must. 34. Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Not at all. Though at least it's better than my relationship with my dad... 35. What is your least favourite season? 3 36. Have you hugged anyone in the last 72 hours? I have hugged someone in the last 72 minutes. 37. What do you hear right now? The wind outside my window, the dull rumble of trucks on the highway, a distant train horn, the town clock ringing for 10am, and the quiet hum of my computer. 38. If you say you’ll call someone back, will you? Yes, unless I forget.

39. Do you toss and turn for hours at night or do you just fall straight to sleep? Depends on how tired I am and how mentally well I am. 40. What color shirt were you wearing when you had your last kiss? Same shirt I'm wearing right now, since it was at the same time as that last hug too. :P White. 41. Where do you want to live when you’re older? I want to move to Montreal with @aelwen, sometime in the next ten to twenty years. 42. When you sleep on your bed, is stuff usually on it? Sometimes. I usually kick it off though. 43. Is it easy to make you smile? Very easy. 44. Do you like to play on playgrounds? When is the last time you did? God, it's been ages. I think the last time, I was in high school, and was sitting on a playground in Gatton with a friend while we waited for our dads to pick us up.

45. What do you think of when you hear the word “meow"? Kitties and how much I love them :3

46. Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

I don't think so. Sounds cramped.

47. What’s the background on your cell? A gorgeous selfie that @aelwen sent me.

48. Name the last four beds you sat on? My bed at home, Ash's bed, Ruin's bed, and Dakota's bed.

49. Would you rather have a poodle or Rottweiler? Hard to say. Whichever would be easier to care for. I wouldn't want to be a bad caretaker.

50. Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? Zoo, probably. I haven't been to one of those in years, but I've been to an art gallery more recently.

51. Do you wear hats if you’re having a bad hair day? My hair refuses to let me wear hats. There's too much of it.

52. Would you ever go bald if it was the style? Been there, done that, never again.

53. Does your bedroom have a door? Yeah, but it's a repurposed front door, and literally has a big glass window in the middle of it.

54. Do you think two people can last forever? The people of pompeii have lasted pretty well so far, but forever is still a bit of a stretch.

55. How many windows are open on your computer? No idea. I'm answering this on my phone.

56. What is your ringtone? The Overwatch POTG music. Actually it's about time I changed it...

57. Does your mum try to be cool? Idk. I haven't seen her in years.

58. What are you listening to? Now that I've moved to Ash's room, it's different. I'm listening to the wind blowing through the plants outside the window, faint voices from the park across the road, the whirring of my fan, cars passing by, and Ash using their mouse and keyboard.

59. What were you doing before you took this survey? Napping. My sleep cycle is fucked.

60. What things did you eat today? Leftover Chinese food.

61. Do you think you gained or lost weight this past month? Gained, and it went to my hips and boobs, hell yes

62. What kind of milk do you drink? Long life. Ash and I are poor and have to buy in bulk.

63. Do you swear at your parents?

Generally not AT them. I’ll use swear words in conversation with them though. Though more recently I swore at my cunt of a dad.

64. Have you ever been ice skating? No, just a tonne of roller skating.

65. Do you always wear your seat belt? Yeah, it's the law here and also I've been in enough crashes to know it's necessary.

66. Do you like sushi? I love sushi.

67. What food do you find disgusting? Very, very few. I tend to be more indifferent about foods than hateful. But let me think... Weetbix, couscous, things with nasty textures like that.

68. Do older members of the opposite sex ever hit on you? Hahaha, nobody ever hits on me.

59. Do you drink the 6-8 cups of water a day? I have a 2L water bottle that I finish off once or twice a day.

60. What does your last outgoing message say? “orrrrr i could fall asleep again"

61. Could you date someone taller than you? Oh yes. :3

62. What is your current mood? Vague.

63. Does it bother you to have dirt on the bottom of your bare feet? Not really, as long as the ground isn't too hot.

64. Who was your first crush? lmao it was Lt. Helga Sinclair from Atlantis

65. What are you wearing on your feet? Nothing because it would be insanity in this weather

66. Last person who drove you somewhere? Ash, I think

67. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No, I don't think I ever have.

68. Do you prefer fruit or vegetables? I consume more vegetables but I don’t think I actually prefer one over the other.

69. What are your favourite textures? Smooth skin. Fluffy fabric. Reeeeeeally soft pillows.

70. If you won a LOT of money the lottery and decided to move, where would you move to? I would go visit a bunch of my friends before settling down in Canada, I think.

71. Alcoholic beverage of choice? Vodka tbh ^^;

72. What’s the youngest you would consider dating? Hard to say. I'd be hesitant to date anyone under the age of 21, though, bc emotional maturity.

73. If you were around in the sixties would you be a mod or a rocker? I don’t know what those words mean

74. Are thongs sexy? You ain’t actually talkin bout flipflops are ya?

75. What do you think of when I say “the twenties”? My age..?

76. Is penetration important to you? What context could this possibly be other than sexual?

77. What sport were you best at in high school? Me? Sport? High school? Ahahahahahaha

78. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? Vodka~

79. Have you ever had a teacher hit on you? Nnnnnnope.

80. What would you do if it snowed right now? Open up the BOM website to see if it was actually happening or I was just nuts.

81. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status? It's not really difficult to grasp?

82. Have your past mistakes made you wiser? Of course.

83. What’s your opinion on good grammar: important or not? Not inherently important, as long as communication is clear. Good grammar aids in communication but doesn't guarantee it.

84. The last time you said ‘I love you’ to someone, who said it first, them or you? I’m pretty sure one of my parents said it first because I couldn’t speak when I was a newborn. 85. Do you like potato salad? Nah, not a fan. 86. Have you ever driven and ended up running out of gas? Yeah, being povo is like that. 87. What was the reason behind the last time you stayed up all night? I had an irritated eye and couldn't sleep for all the itching.

88. How old were you when you were first pulled over by the police? 20 or so, I think, for an rbt.

89. When was the last time you drank out of a champagne glass?

Never.

90. Does it flood easily where you live?

Not in this specific part of town, but Toowoomba as a whole certainly does. *remembers 2011 with a shudder*

#tumblr games #maddie i left in some of your answers because they were perfect

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skaye33 · 6 years

Text

reputation - In Review

reputation is here and I am so emotionally unprepared. Literally all I can provide are my first impressions from the first time I listened to the album, because I just love the album so fully and I just can’t seem to fully put my emotions into words (although I tried to explain the power of Taylor and reputation below this list). I might come back to this to try and fill it in more once I’ve had some time to process, but for now, here are my rather aggressive notes I took on a plane at 5:00 AM on my way to Boston while listening for the first time.

1. …Ready for It

First Impression - I’m not ready for this. After Look What You Made Me Do came out, I was stressed that all of Taylor’s new album was going to be vengeful, angry T referencing her feuds and calling out her haters. But ...Ready For It assured me that we were still going to get our girl back, and that her style had just evolved into something new and challenging and super fun. I listened to this song so many times the first few weeks (especially while pumping myself up for the gym), and I still love it so much.

Favorite lyrics - Baby, let the games begin.

2. End Game

First Impression - Hot damn. Ed rapping? Future?? TAYLOR SPITTING RHYMES. I’m amazed. I LOVE THIS NEW ERA. It is the perfect late-night living room dance beat I never knew I needed until now.

Favorite lyrics - I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me. And I can’t let you go, your handprints on my soul. It’s like your eyes are liquor, it’s like you body is gold.

3. I Did Something Bad First Impression - HOLY SHIT SHE SAID SHIT. DAMN, NEW TAYLOR I AM OBSESSED WITH YOU. This one is amazing. So different, so aware, so mature.

Favorite lyrics - This is how the world works, you gotta leave before you get left.

4. Don’t Blame Me

First Impression - THESE BRIDGES ARE FIRE BURNING OMG. T WITH AN AMAZING COMEBACK, THESE BRIDGES ARE GIVING ME LIFE. Straight fire. Sex. Gospel. HERE. FOR. IT. With all her drug references, she’s definitely not “Clean” any more.

Favorite lyrics - My name is whatever you decide. And I'm just gonna call you mine. I'm insane, but I'm your baby (your baby). Echoes of your name inside my mind.

5. Delicate

First Impression- Damn that verse 2 pickup though. And another killer bridge? What did we do to deserve such perfection? I can’t wait to listen to this while obsessing over a the beginning of a relationships. I love the beat of the verse on this one so much. This is definitely in the top five on the album. How does she encapsulate both the stress and fun at the beginning of a relationship? Oh, because she’s a goddess.

Favorite lyrics - Third floor on the west side, me and you. Handsome, you’re a mansion with a view.

A second favorite lyrics, for funsies - We can’t make any promises, can we babe, but you can make me a drink.

6. Look What You Made Me Do

First Impressions - Still an amazing song, even though now it feels a bit weird coming right after Delicate.

Favorite lyrics - But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time. Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time.

7. So It Goes....

First Impressions - THE COUNTING. I’m freaking out. Damn this album is all love, sex, and drama and I LOVE IT. ALSO THE SCRATCHES DOWN HIS BACK I’M CACKLING UNCONTROLLABLY.

Favorite lyrics - I’m yours to keep, and I’m yours to lose. You know I’m a bad girl, but I do bad things to you. So it goes…

8. Gorgeous

First Impressions - This was my favorite single, and still might be my favorite song on the album (although Getaway Car and Delicate are getting up there). I just relate to it so much, from seeing a gorgeous person from across the room and freaking out mentally to stumbling home to my cats.

Favorite lyrics - You make me so happy it turns back to sad. There’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have.

9. Getaway Car

First Impressions - L.O.V.E. Jack, you are an amazing human being and I want a picture of you and Taylor on my gravestone with these lyrics engraved. This song sounds like Out of the Woods and Jack’s Rollercoaster had a baby and I’ve never been more obsessed with a love child. Also, just another amazing bridge. I can’t handle it.

Favorite lyrics - It was the best of times, the worst of crimes. I struck a match and blew your mind. But I didn’t mean it. And you didn’t see it. The ties were black, the lies were white. In shades of grey in candlelight, I wanted to leave him. I needed a reason (THE DAMN LYRICISM HERE PEOPLE).

10. King of My Heart

First Impressions - Dat beat doe. THE BEST BRIDGE YET.

Favorite lyrics - Late in the night, the city’s asleep. Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep.

And another (the entire bridge, I just love it): Is this the end of all the endings? My broken bones are mending. With all these nights we’re spending, up on the roof with a schoolgirl crush, drinking beer out of plastic cups. Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff. Baby, all at once, this is enough.

11. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

First Impressions - I’m crying just from the intro. I am dead. I need a moment.

Favorite lyrics - I, I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us. So, baby, can we dance? Oh, through an avalanche? And say, say that we got it.

12. Dress

First Impressions - Honestly, not as sexy as I thought it would be. But still amazing. Oh dang, and when she stops singing >>> I can’t wait to sing this to the love of my life to spice things up and to convey how much I love him.

Favorite lyrics - Flashback to my mistakes. My rebounds, my earthquakes. Even in my worst light, you saw the truth in me. And I woke up just in time. Now I wake up by your side. My one and only, my lifeline.

13. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

First Impressions - I LOVE THIS. Literally so fun. I already know I will listen to this song so, so many times this coming summer. And her laugh?? Savage Taylor, I love it. Also, the references to “Runaway” by Kanye??? ICONIC.

Favorite lyrics - Here’s a toast to my real friends. They don’t care about the he-said-she-said. And here’s to my baby. He ain’t reading what they call me lately. And here’s to my momma. Had to listen to all this drama. And here’s to you. Cause forgiveness, is a nice thing to do.

14. Call It What You Want

First Impressions - The comedown. I like this song, and I love that she’s happy and warm and in love, but this is the only song that I’m kind of “ehhh” about. But it’s still so beautifully done.

Favorite lyrics - Starry eyes sparkin' up my darkest night (I just love that one line so, so much).

15. New Years Day

First Impressions - I am literally sobbing on the airplane currently and people are looking because it’s 5:00 in the morning and I am so emotionally devastated, but I don’t care. This song is so beautiful. I can’t handle it. My heart has been broken and mended four times within these four minutes. I cannot wait to sing this song to the love of my life as we wake up to begin a new year together. Or to sing it to the other loves of my life, my cats. Either one deserves the beauty of this song. This is the perfect ending to a perfect album that I will listen to obsessively for the rest of the year.

Favorite lyrics - Hold on to the memories, they will hold onto you (SOB).

I just don’t think people realize how important this album is, to so many people. I have been a fan of Taylor since I was 12 years old. That’s over a decade of listening to her albums on repeat, using them to process beautiful and heartbreaking emotions and experiences that I didn’t have the capacity to process at times. Taylor provided me the means, through her songs and lyrics, to both comprehend and appreciate what I was going through, no matter the context, and to assure me that as alone as I felt sometimes, I never was. Taylor’s albums have always seemed to line up with exactly what I’m going through in my life. Somehow, in those two-to-three short years between albums, she seemed to face the same struggles and triumphs, and her songs gave me a shield, a sword, and a shoulder to cry both sad and happy tears on when I was going through those same things. As she’s grown, I’ve grown, and her songs have literally become a scrapbook for my life. reputation provides new photos to add to that scrapbook. During the past year, I’ve grown immensely. Part of that growth has focused on owning who I am, not curating my life on social media as much, focusing on my happiness and freedom, and not stressing about what other people think of me. While my experiences might not have not been as dramatic or public as hers, I believe reputation provides me justification; it applauds my personal growth, and it says, yes, at this point in your life you’re allowed to accept yourself as you are. You don’t have to fit into other people’s definitions of success, of happiness, of accomplishments. You can define yourself beyond your Instagram account, beyond the four corners of a photograph. You deserve to focus on your happiness and your goals. You should accept your flaws, own up to your past, and allow yourself to be self-aware, because you’ll feel so much better if you do. Taylor gave me new songs to dance around a room to while avoiding work, relationships, and responsibilities. She gave me a soundtrack as I move further into the real, adult world that is both harsh and magical. She gave me a maturity and a playfulness that I can embrace, while still understanding that I will make mistakes, and that’s okay. So, I’m raising a glass of white wine to Taylor, reputation, and the best years lying ahead.

#reputation #reputation out now #taylor swift #taylornation #taylor swizzle #taylurking

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