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buckyownsmylife · 9 months

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about a girl - chris evans angst

The one where Chris breaks your heart

Warnings: angst

A/N: yes, I did finally write an angsty piece. No, this was not provoked by whatever rumors have been circling around this man's life, as it has been written since last year or something of the sorts. Just enjoy it and don't forget to let me know if you liked it by reblogging it!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

Everything was going well until it all went to shit. That’s the way my life seems to go.

The evening started like it always does: I walked into the party and Chris was already there, chatting up another girl who I had never seen before.

I didn’t feel attacked or intimidated. We’d danced this way before - countless times, in fact. It’d become some sort of routine now. The one who got there first would find some unsuspecting victim to chat up while we waited for the other to arrive.

I’d seen that movie a hundred times before. He never pounced, only played with the food until it got tired and old. That’s when he’d turn around and find me, and together we’d escape to a room or a bathroom - whatever was nearest.

Anywhere felt fine when I had his dick inside of me.

I’d been looking forward to this night for ages. Even primped myself for it. I was wearing my skimpiest dress, and nothing but a thong for Chris to undress tonight. So I didn’t even mind when he didn’t connect his eyes with mine once I walked through the door.

It was all a part of the game, I told myself. He liked the chase, and so did I.

“Why are you looking so gloom?” Brie scared me with the question. I had been staring at my beer for the last twenty minutes, waiting for Chris to make his move. I didn’t question it - he might have gotten lost in conversation. It happened quite often, depending on how much liquor was in his veins by the time I arrived. So I wasn’t even anxious, just a bit antsy. The underwear was riding up my butt and I just wanted to be without it.

I kept playing with the idea of interrupting their conversation to slip my panties into his pocket, but I decided against it. I wasn’t that adventurous. All of my energy in these gatherings was channeled into wild sex in “exotic” places. There wasn’t much of it left by now, as unfortunate as it was.

“I just…” I didn’t even know what to tell Brie. “I don’t know. Might be having a night off, that’s all.” She shouldn’t be worrying about me when the real reason why I was looking so out-of-place still hadn’t even glanced my way.

Another quick look and what I saw had my heart falling down to my stomach. Chris and the girl were full-on making out. He had her against the wall, one hand on her ass and the other buried in her hair, and I didn’t know what to say when my friend followed my line of sight and noticed what had gotten me so sad.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” I didn’t need her words of compassion. It only had the mortification from this entire ordeal setting even heavier on my chest.

I knew Chris didn’t owe me anything; we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, we weren’t together together. But every one of our friends knew about our customary hook ups. They were used to looking for us and finding us together, sometimes in compromising positions, so for him to just kiss someone else like it was no big deal felt beyond humiliating to me.

I wanted to go home, then and there. But I also didn’t want my friends to realize how hurt I was about it, so I knew I’d have to stay. I’d stay there and endure the humiliation, even when - through giggles and groans - the two of them found their way into a bedroom together, while I was left alone in the corner of a party I only went to in the hopes of spending time with Christopher.

It was hours before I saw him again, and even then, he didn’t see me - too focused on the conversation he was having with a common friend. I tried to be quiet as I approached them, I actually only wanted to grab myself another beer and they were the ones standing in the kitchen, but since he had his back to me, he didn’t notice my arrival.

I, however, couldn’t not overhear his words.

“So what? We’re not boyfriend and girlfriend anyway. Believe me, I would never date Y/N…” And that’s when he noticed me, standing there with a frown on my face.

I didn’t know how to react. I wasn’t going to lash out. I knew I wasn’t his girlfriend, but to be considered someone who could never earn the title hurt more than I cared to admit.

I didn’t know what to do. So I just left.

“Y/N…” He ran after me, for what reason I couldn’t understand. It’s not like he cared about me, not after what he did tonight.

“No, go away!” I yelled, my voice betraying just how hurt I was by his behavior. I hated it, hated that I couldn’t hide my feelings from the person who was the cause of them.

“Go and jerk off or something. Or find someone else who will fall to her knees and suck you whenever you want it. It obviously won’t be too hard.”

“You won’t at least hear me out?” That had me stopping in my tracks, ire making my heart beat so loud I could hear it ringing in my ears.

“Are you dumb?” I had to ask. “What could you possibly say to justify what happened in there?” That caught him by surprise. He fidgeted in his spot but didn’t open his mouth to say anything, and so I figured we were done for the night.

But just as I was about to leave… “We never talked about anything serious!” As if that was my problem with what had happened in there.

“And believe me, that’s on me.” I shook my head vehemently, crossing my arms in front of my body to show him that I meant business. “But it ends here and now. I can’t keep feeling this way every time we’re in a party together.”

Chris looked like he was struggling with something, but I wasn’t interested in letting him work through it at that time. “I know you could never love me.” Well, I knew that, now. “Not if you behave like that. Not if your only goal in life is to get more women into bed with you.”

He didn’t say anything and that’s when I decided it was time for me to leave. But I probably shouldn’t have mistaken his silence as a sign of his peace of mind, because the second that I turned my back to him, I heard his voice - barely over a whisper: “Maybe I just don’t know how to express my feelings.”

#my fics #chris evans angst #chris evans #angst #rpf #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fan fiction #chris evans fic #chris evans x reader

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damnfandomproblems · 7 months

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Fandom Problem #4352:

I don't think anyone in fandom understands the concept of deescalation anymore. I've gotten hate a few times for wild, outrageous things that someone read into totally wrong, or from people who just saw a ship or something on my blog they hated, and all I've done was either delete the ask, or reply calmly with something like, "if you want to talk to me please feel free, but I'm not going to respond to asks designed to provoke outrage or drama in me or my followers". But literally every time I see someone get hate now, much to my dismay, the person turns it into a whole drama party where they fling shit back at the person at 100% power, or they even turn it up more, and I'm like, does anyone NOT do this nowadays? It's like everyone is so pent up and itching for drama that they immediately jump at the chance to shit on someone, and the fact that a random dick of an anon sent them a crappy message is the perfect excuse they need. In these cases, I really don't think two wrongs make a right. People always say, "they started it lol", but that just comes off like a kid on the playground pointing at the other kid after they have a fight that disrupts the entire schoolyard. It's tiring, it saps my energy and my already waning willingness to engage with anyone in fandom now. I'm in my 30s, I'm over this prepubescent drama.

#ask box submission #fandom problem 4352

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organicastrologytakes · 10 months

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Astrology Observations 💗💗 Your Venus sign + a Song pt. 1

ugh I hate being sappy.

I definitely don't watch rom coms in my spare time. No sir. Never

Gemini Venus: Kilby Girl by The Backseat Lovers

This song is definitely about the Gemini Venus and not in the pov of them. I chose this song mostly because of the lyrics and thrilling guitar that creates that playful and curious provoking nature of Gemini. Gemini Venus reminds me of something playful, optimistic, and goofy. They may struggle to know what they want with Mercury being chaotic as usual here. They can tend to be action oriented in love opportunities and fortune. Their love is usually sassy and playful, they don't conform to the natural order of how traditional relationships work. They are a scatter brained lover with an adventurous spirit. Gemini's like their other air Venus love to change it up, whether it be their partner or the relationship itself. They need change and love doing something out of routine. They may have a hard time deciphering if someone is romantically interested in them or if they are just being nice. Usually they just think they want to be friends. To love a Gemini Venus is to be with them is to just match their energy. This signs are generally a wild card and don't have one set love language. They love through various ways as well, they may love you one way in the beginning of the relationship and as it goes on, change the way they love you, not necessarily in a bad way, just different. These signs are an absolute joy to love and can be ultra creative with their open-minded spirit, taking you on adventures and dates you never thought possible in a partnership. They are pretty airy though so be careful of their flighty nature! They are best with someone who helps them mix it up like Aries Venus and Libra Venus. Honestly most fire and air Venus will connect with gemini Venus.

Cancer Venus: We'll Never Have Sex by Leith Ross

A true poetic masterpiece with loving pet names to represent Cancer Venus. Cancer Venus reminds me of something sweet, loving, and trusting. Representing the darker luminary in Venus, this placement needs an emotional connection and lovely understanding of who they are. These tender souls generally have good fortune and love opportunities in life, since they are not in any negative placement here unless in a bad house placement. As a lover, Cancer is very mature and usually wise, they know how to love and be loved. Although they can sometimes pick partners that may not serve them, they will usually find someone later on that will meet their needs and provide them with the love they fully deserve. Their love language is usually acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation. They also usually desire a family, not always implying kids, but just generally having people in their life or a partner in their life that feels like home. These Venuses are best known for being a gentle partner that takes the time to understand you fully. A lover that better be adored by every individual that comes into contact with them. They best get along with other water Venus, fire, and air Venus.

Libra Venus: Sneakers by Camille

A goofy, playful, upbeat indie song for Libra Venus. Libra being the masculine representation of Venus, is at home here. This individual generally has good fortune and love opportunities here. Libra is an air sign still and can be a bit fickle minded. These individuals may change their mind on a daily basis and have a hard time focusing on what they want in life. Although they can easily change their mind, they usually make great lovers. They love attention from their lover and usually an adventure or something different. Change it up on Libra, give them gifts, shower them with affection, never let them know your next move. You must be a ninja and keep things interesting to keep them around for a while, otherwise if the relationship gets stagnant they can be easy to lose. These individuals also tend to be popular. They usually give love inconsistently, not on purpose, but because they probably thought about something else or forgot about you. No, but they can love very deeply and give you the same affection in return as they receive. They love giving others gifts and randomly giving you a lot of love, whether that be physical or with their words. They are such a unique sign to love because of their naturally sweet demeanor and completely unintentional adventure they tend to take their partners on, whether that be physically, mentally, or emotionally. They are not a dull person to be around and are fantastic partners to have at any point in your life! I feel that Libra Venuses connect most with fire Venuses and air Venuses.

Scorpio Venus: Feels Like We're Dying by Johnny Goth

A sad, melancholy song that brings out the darker side of love with Scorpio Venus. Scorpio is in detriment in this position, unfortunately. Like the moon, Scorpio can really struggle in this placement because of the nature of Venus being a planet that represents light while Scorpio represents darkness. They will often struggle with fortune and love opportunities in this lifetime. That doesn't mean that love can be difficult or challenging to have or receive, but the relationships presented may be karmic or be more of an opportunity to go through some kind of internal death. This placement more likely struggles from knowing what they want but feeling like they might not deserve it and going through a lot of self-esteem issues. This placement needs a lot of self-awareness in love, sex, and pleasure in order to have a good balance. Like the other water Venuses, they struggle with finding a partner that may be good for them and their wellbeing. When they do love in relationships, it is often intense and passionate. They love physical affection and quality time, sometimes acts of service as well. These partners can come off as abrasive and jealous if not loved correctly or communicated with properly so make sure to communicate and be open-minded to their requests to gain their trust. They are a very quality partner and create a relationship connection that is emotional, passionate, and fully loving. Treat this person right and they are an incredible partner to have along the ride of life. They often connect best with Aries Venus and other fire Venus. They enjoy other water Venus and earth Venus due to their fixed nature.

Aquarius Venus: True Blue by Boy Genius

Aquarius must have the romanticized friendship song. Honestly this is one of my personal favorite songs, and I love that this song isn't romantic (imo), but about being so known by someone deeply and completely. Saturn is expressing itself in Venus here so their love can come off quite restricted. They might feel a bit out of place and may be a bit pessimistic when it comes to the fortunes and joys that Venus is connected with. Aquarius Venus though are the most loving friends once you get to know them and can become great potential loves after a lot of time. These are not the easiest signs to win their heart, but they are definitely worth it in the end. This misunderstood air Venus is loving in their actions and words, and they love being loved in the same way. They love being seen for who they are and like when people are not ordinary. The best apart about loving this Venus sign is how attentive they are and aware of their surroundings, they are great at taking loving action that can be very specific or oriented to you. Aquarius Venus do best with other air Venuses, Cancer and Scorpio Venuses.

Pisces Venus: Baby by Warpaint

A whimsical, ethereal, and breathy song by Warpaint is for Pisces Venus. This Venus sign is being represented by the feminine Jupiter and is considered exalted here. These ethereal water Venuses know how to express themselves here and are often very lucky in love and fortune throughout their lifetime. These individuals may struggle with insecurity issues early in life or throughout life because Pisces can often represent fears and the inner world. These individuals may need to find self love before getting into a romantic relationship because of their tendencies to want to "fix" a partner that does not serve them. They love easily, deeply, and unconditionally. They have a love like no other and can be loyal partners under the right circumstances. Loving a Pisces Venus needs to be with care, words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of services tend to be these fishes love language of choice. Although they love cuddles too, these partners love to romanticize with their partner and find the love and joy in everything. The most joyful part of loving these individuals is how passionate, optimistic, and creative these Venuses are. They can make anything, even the most mundane, into a special moment. Cherish these individuals and make them feel seen, heard, and appreciated. They often connect best with other water Venus signs, they love intense love and emotional connection. They can also connect with fire Venuses and air Venuses on occasion.

Honestly this was mostly based on the relationship aspect and the songs, what do you think? Did any of this resonate with you? What is your Venus sign? What house is it in? :)

#astrology #astrology observations #Venus #Gemini #Cancer #Libra #Scorpio #Aquarius #Pisces #astro observations #Venus Sign

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maxsix · 3 months

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Ad Astra: The Theory Of Relativity| An Interstellar Ateez story Part I | Part II | Part III (Words 4727, Warnings: none)

"HONGJOONG!"

Wooyoung's full weight comes crashing into him and Hongjoong catches it tightly in relief. He sees a wall clock out of the corner of his eye and is surprised to learn that they've only been here for a hour. He didn't even realise he could miss his brother this fiercely in such a short amount of time.

"Are you okay-"

"THERE'S A ROBOT HERE." Wooyoung hisses loudly, hands flapping with wild energy he couldn't contain.

CAASI blinks his red light at the mention and stands taller in attention.

"Yes, I know that but did-"

"He built him here! And did you know that this is a whole underground building?! They have tons of computers and I swear there's another drone back there but they totally denied it and didn't let me look but I know what I saw-"

Doctor Park is walking quietly next to them, hands in his pockets, icy demeanour intact but even he cracks a small smile at the ramblings.

Hongjoong catches it curiously, filing it away to process later, before going back to check his brother for any signs of injuries, but apart from a head of messy hair (self inflicted) and clothes in disarray (also self inflicted), he's grateful that Wooyoung seems perfectly fine.

Better than fine actually; buzzing with excitement and seemingly lacking any concern that he's in an underground facility surrounded by military technology and strangers whose intentions were still not clear, though not entirely unkind. It's the type of foolishness that is genetically inherited then nurtured for years by a like-minded older brother.

And it's then that Hongjoong suddenly has an awareness of the Swiss army knife in his pocket. It's still there. They took the map, notebook, his wallet and his own brother but left the knife.

It's another thought to file away for later processing.

Wooyoung continues to list off everything he's seen so far: tunnels, robots, computers, drones and electronics that were far more advanced than the farming tech they were used to. The excitement in his voice gradually crescendoes into shrillness and, as always, had a tendency to carry into every corner of a room, or in this case, a corridor leading to a boardroom.

Through the glass doors there's a large wooden table, around which several people in suits were already sitting and seemingly waiting for their arrival.

Hongjoong pulls his brother closer to his side as they make their approach and Wooyoung moves easily with him. Doctor Park walks half a step ahead, keeping polite distance as he moves comfortably, even in the dark parts of the long corridor. He never once takes his eyes off them and Hongjoong can feel it like a prickly heat on his skin that he wants to scratch off.

The boardroom is familiar, Hongjoong has seen variations of it before: government grey carpet on the floor, dark wood with soundproofing pyramids on the walls, no windows but plenty of harsh overhead lighting designed to prevent laziness, encourage innovative thought and sometimes, to provoke discomfort.

A military grade room.

Wooyoung abruptly ends his ramblings as they enter, instinctively grabbing the back of Hongjoong's jacket when he sees the table of suits; it's a nervous habit he's had since he was a kid and one that only seems to resurface when he can't process a sudden unexpected wave of anxiety.

"Hello Hongjoong."

A familiar voice calls out from behind them and when Hongjoong whips his head around, he's met by an older man leaning heavily on a cane.

"Professor Park?!" Hongjoong stumbles back in shock, seeing but not quite believing what was in front of him.

"Well, you look like you've seen a ghost." The old man chuckles.

"You're......alive?" Hongjoong stutters. "But the court hearing and the trial-"

"-a formality that was eventually overturned." The Professor replies with a mischievous grin. "I was the first astrophysicist with a criminal record but only the second to be threatened with one."

Before Hongjoong could ask any more questions, they're ushered into two empty chairs near the middle while the old professor takes his seat at the head of the table. Doctor Park makes his way towards the other end.

A young man with ashy blond hair clears his throat and leans forward. "Could you please explain how you found this facility."

Hongjoong doesn't know who he is but judging by his young age, being the first to lead the questions and the copious notebooks and folders in front of him, Hongjoong guesses he's the face of public relations and the most level headed one in the room.

"It was by accident. We stumbled on it when-"

An older man with grey hair and a sharp navy blue suit leans forward impatiently. "This is an undisclosed government facility. Nobody stumbles in and nobody stumbles out. So we would appreciate a little more specificity."

Hongjoong shifts in his chair with irritation. He's been interrogated before, he been trained how to handle it, but his nerves and patience are wearing dangerously thin.

"Hongjoong," Professor Park says gently, "Please co-operate with these people."

"I was being specific: it was accidental. We didn't go looking for it." Hongjoong starts begrudgingly, "Look, it's kind of hard to explain. I suspect it might have been an anomaly because it sure as hell didn't feel scientific."

The young blond man nods unfazed and has his pen poised, ready to make notes. "What kind of anomaly?"

"I'm not telling you anything else until we get some guarantees."

The blond looks at him in confusion. "Guarantees?"

Hongjoong moves across to block Wooyoung's ears before whispering, "That we're going to be able to leave here tonight and I don't mean with some fine we can't pay or another criminal record we can't fight."

Wooyoung struggles against his hands like the little shit he is and Hongjoong gives up trying to protect his brother from what he knows is going to be highly classified information.

The blond man looks stumped for a split second, clearly unaccustomed with managing security breaches this egregious, but recovers swiftly.

"Our organisation does not have those kinds of powers or any intention to cause harm."

“So why is your organisation hiding underground in a secret location?”

“We are not hiding Hongjoong,” Professor Park says in bemusement. “You know what this is: this is NASA.”

“NASA?!” Wooyoung squeaks. “You exist?!”

“Yes.” Professor Park nods and smiles at the teenager. “We are what’s left of the theoretical astrophysics division."

"We’re underground for your safety, not ours.” Doctor Park adds helpfully, if not ominously.

With the confirmation verbalised so plainly, Hongjoong feels like he's been punched in the chest. He didn’t want it to be true even if he had suspected it all along: from the sight of the drone, to the coordinates on the floor and CAASI's first appearance, of course everything had pointed towards NASA. Still, Hongjoong didn't want to believe it. The denial had kept him hopeful that his life, and his brother's lives, didn't need to change.

If NASA was dead, then his old dreams and his old life could stay buried too.

But now, with a sinking feeling in his gut, Hongjoong knows they've passed the point of no return.

Across the room Doctor Park is watching him; every twitch, every scowl, every reaction. Hongjoong doesn't know what to make of it.

The impatient navy blue suit speaks again. "Now that you know who we are, you need to explain why you have the co-ordinates to a highly secure and undisclosed government facility circled on your map."

Hongjoong's mind is still swirling with the day's revelations and he pauses to think of an explanation that won't send him on a one way trip to the mental hospital.

"It was gravity." Wooyoung pipes up, causing all the adult to turn towards him. "And a magnetic field ghost who writes in binary codes."

The boardroom appears taken aback, seemingly disbelieving that they were having a serious conversation about national security with a fourteen year old boy.

"A gravitational anomaly?" Professor Park murmurs, sitting back as if recalling something else. "Please elaborate Hongjoong."

“There was an un-piloted Indian fighter drone circling around our crop fields. I should’ve known then that it was drawn to the magnetic field that our home must be built on."

Wooyoung gasps quietly next to him, putting it together for the first time.

“I’m not saying it’s something supernatural but there were binary codes written in dust on the floor of our home. I had to decode it in reverse but that’s where the coordinates came from.”

The navy suit is grinning ear to ear now. “Let me get this straight; the magnetic force in your home led to a dusty binary code on your floor? Which you somehow deciphered into coordinates that you mysteriously had the knowledge to reverse and piece together?”

It sounds even more unbelievable out loud. Hongjoong can’t even blame them for thinking he’s crazy.

Another person speaks from down the table. “The chances of that are-“

“About one in a trillion.” Professor Park replies. “And yet. Here he is.”

“Why didn’t the previous home owner decipher the code then? Or a neighbour? Assuming the magnetic field has been around their location this whole time.”

“A coincidence?”

"Just another unexplained anomaly."

“An accident.”

“Pure random luck.”

The debate is silenced by Professor Park again.

“No. This is Murphy’s Law. Only a person with binary knowledge, half a physics degree, aerospace training and the complete disregard for proprietary law and personal safety could’ve found us the way he did.”

“Aerospace training?" Wooyoung murmurs to himself. "Why does he know that Hongjoong? What does that mean?”

Before he can reassure his brother, Hongjoong is interrupted by the Professor addressing the room again.

“The real question we should ask is if They wanted him to find us.”

“Who are They?”

There are uncomfortable looks exchanged between the other members of the boardroom but Doctor Park doesn’t look at anyone but Hongjoong. It was beginning to get unnerving.

“Professor, with all due respect, this is now classified information.” The blond man says. “In the wrong hands, this could be dangerous.”

“Those aren’t the wrong hands.” The Professor states, pointing at Hongjoong. “Did you not conduct the background security check on him yourself, Yeosang?”

“Yes, I did but it’s my job to remind you that he is not on active duty and might not be aware of the new protocols we now operate under.”

“Oh he is aware of more than he realises.” Professor Park says, getting up now to walk towards the exit. “He knows all about NASA's protocols, don't you Hongjoong?”

“Yes.”

Wooyoung gapes at him as the rest of the room falls silent. Nobody offers any further protest.

“Excellent!" Professor Park exclaims, "Then perhaps we might make use of his lucky accidental knowledge to solve our little problem? Come walk with me Hongjoong."

And with that, the main meeting seems to be done. Several board members exit without much protest, even if there were skeptical looks on their faces.

Wooyoung stays seated at the table, staring at the wood grain patterns.

"My brother-"

Professor Park nods to Yeosang and Doctor Park. "Perhaps Wooyoung would like to meet our other robots? He seems to like old CAASI here."

The fourteen year old lifts his head up then, interest piqued at the promise of more robots. He pauses to look at Hongjoong for permission.

"What kind of robots? Will he be safe there?"

The blond man, Yeosang, nods firmly. "Yes you have my word. They will be service robots."

He doesn't know what makes him do it but Hongjoong looks over to Doctor Park with a clear question in his eyes and is surprised when he gets a nod back in response.

"He will be safe. CAASI will stay with him."

Doctor Park walks over to the robot and whispers some inaudible instructions that causes CAASI to blink his red light in acknowledgement.

"Affirmative."

“Nothing will happen to him here, Hongjoong. We’re scientists, not criminals.” Professor Park reassures, “Besides, CAASI’s protection settings cannot be adjusted by anyone else."

“What does that mean?”

“It means he follows my programming." Doctor Park replies, "He will keep your brother safe.”

“Is he autonomous?”

“Only within the confines of my programming.”

“He's got ex Marine programming too." Hongjoong points out, "Aren't you worried he’ll go rogue?”

“No.”

"Isn't that kind of naïve? I've seen plenty of ex-Military programs malfunction after years of service.”

Doctor Park leads CAASI over to Wooyoung, smiling as the teenager tries to shake hands with the robot, only to realise that the robot doesn't actually have hands.

But the smile slides off the young Doctor's face as he regards Hongjoong again, "CAASI won't malfunction."

"How are you so sure of that?"

“Because I built him.” Comes the cool reply.

Wooyoung looks between the two bickering adults, unsure what to make of it. The tension in the room is only broken when Yeosang clears his throat again and motions for them all to move out of the boardroom.

Just before they temporarily part ways, Hongjoong pulls Wooyoung aside and hugs him tightly. "Do not let them do anything weird to you. Do not agree to anything. Don't tell them anything about us. I mean it! You scream for me if something happens okay? Don't trust anyone here. Got it?"

"Got it!" Wooyoung is nodding as he hugs his brother back before following CAASI and Yeosang into another atrium, presumably where the other robots lived.

"Do not worry about him Hongjoong," Professor Park says with a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "Both CAASI and Yeosang are one and the same; both programmed to follow the rules."

They are walking down another corridor now, one with two very large steel doors at the end.

“Our planet is suffocating Hongjoong. You know this. The air quality has been steadily deteriorating since 2025. The reduction of nitrogen in our soil is killing off the majority of mass produced food crops. Our agriculture colleagues are doing an outstanding job keeping up with the Earth's changes but they can’t do it forever. Eventually there will be an inevitable end point where it will be impossible to modify the chemicals in the soil or adequately filter the air. We need a radical solution.”

“It’s called the Lazarus Mission. Six of our bravest astronauts sent off world to discover a new planet capable of sustaining life.”

“They have enough supplies to make it stretch a decade if they go into hibernation mode. Their on-board computers have been programmed to send regular binary signals back to Earth regarding the viability of their planet. We plan the rescue missions based on the ongoing signs of life.”

Hongjoong shakes his head at the incredible stakes involved. “What if the planets aren’t viable? They just die there?”

“That’s unfortunately where the bravery comes in.” The older man says solenmly. “Tell me Hongjoong, what do you really think of the mission?”

“The Lazarus Mission? With all due respect Professor, it sounds crazy.” Hongjoong says, “I can’t believe you got the funding for it.”

“We were fortunate to secure some private investors before they died of dust-lung, benefactors who believed that the answer to humanity's survival lay amongst the stars. The government ran out of money for this years ago. We haven't been able to recruit enough new blood into the program. This is our last hope.”

“Why did you call it Lazarus then? It’s a bit depressing isn’t it?”

"I named it." Doctor Park replies coldly. “Lazarus came back from the dead.”

“Yeah but he had to die first.” Hongjoong reminds him. "And wait for some miracle to happen."

“It worked didn't it?" The young Doctor counters. "He then went on to live and prosper, free from his sickness. He spawned generations. Or is that all too depressing for you?”

The old Professor sighs and shakes his head. "Seonghwa, please be civil to our guest."

Turning to Hongjoong, he smiles apologetically. "My son isn't used to being challenged like this. You'll have to forgive his enthusiasm on the matter."

Son?

What.

Seeing the shock in Hongjoong’s face, the Professor laughs. “I am sorry I did not have time to introduce you earlier. Seonghwa here only takes after me in the science department. Fortunately for him he takes after his lovely late mother in all other aspects.”

“Father, I don’t think he needs to know this.”

“Of course he does, Seonghwa! How will you be friends if he knows nothing about you?”

Doctor Park, Seonghwa, lets out a small, barely visible, huff. “My autobiography is earned, not given.”

Hongjoong desperately wants to eye roll back and tell the other man that maybe he has no interest in being friends either. That his own trust is also earned, not given.

They stop as they reach the steel doors at the end of the corridor.

"Hongjoong, we cannot proceed further unless you agree to be involved in the mission. NASA protocols, as you know."

Hongjoong thinks of Yunho then, waiting at home and worried about being the last remaining member of their family. He thinks about his brother's graduation in a few months. His eighteenth birthday. Whether or not he'll ever meet the boy on the motorbike. He thinks about Uncle Kyungmoon and Jonghoon and their small community of farming families.

He thinks about Wooyoung losing another father figure.

Maybe this is too much adventure.

“I understand. This all sounds like a very ambitious mission Professor and I wish you all the luck with it but there's nothing I know that could help you.”

Professor Park laughs heartily, the sound echoing loudly off the walls.

“My boy, I think we both know that’s not true hm?”

Hongjoong shakes his head. "That was a long time ago-"

"Perhaps this may change your mind then."

Hongjoong watches, heart thumping in his chest, as the steel doors slowly buzz open, revealing a vast cavernous hangar and what is unmistakably, irrevocably, undeniably, an unfinished space shuttle with its accompanying solid rocket boosters and twin engines.

The wind is knocked out of him and Hongjoong stumbles back speechless.

The shuttle stood nearly sixty meters tall and each single engine spanned five meters in diameter and eight meters in height; the biggest that anyone has ever been ambitious enough to build.

Hongjoong has so many questions he wants to ask but only one that his brain will allow.

“Who’s going to fly that thing?”

The Professor leads them onto a bridge overlooking the shuttle build and Hongjoong can't stop staring at it with a mixture of both fear and awe.

“We’ve been training a team for it in the simulators but we could always use a good instructor with real world experience. We’ve lost so many of our old space program crew in recent years. It’s fortuitous you found us when you did.”

"You didn't even know I still existed an hour ago." Hongjoong points out. "You were always going to go ahead with this mission anyway, what do you really need me for? I barely did an orbit."

"These astronauts have never even left the simulator." The Professor tells him. "There is not enough money or resources for us to do training missions in orbit. We simply cannot waste fuel for training purposes. This is the only chance we have and we have to get it right the first time."

"No pressure then." Hongjoong laughs at the ridiculous scenario. “So you want me to train your new pilots?”

“So to speak, yes.”

“NASA kicked me out of the program before I finished, remember?”

“I do."

"For being a liability with a death wish."

Doctor Park looks over, his graceful eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Yes, I remember." The old Professor sighs, "I was there. It was for your own good. You know that.”

Hongjoong tries not to dwell on the past and chooses to ignore the remark. "How good are your simulators? You're putting a lot of faith into those thing aren't you?"

“When you don't have the luxury of experience, all that's left is faith and training. We simply have no other choice. The past generation of NASA is dying. What's left of the old aerospace crew are either on the Lazarus mission, on their death beds or in their graves. You survived precisely because you were kicked out of training before graduation. I like to think it is fate that brought you here today."

Hongjoong listens, though begins to wonder if the Professor's brilliance is merging with insanity.

"We need a new generation of pilots for the rescue missions Hongjoong, and what good is it to discover new worlds if we have no pilots to take us there?"

“That's another thing you haven’t answered Professor: how did you discover these new worlds? The nearest galaxy is light years away, without solving relativity and time dilation, it would take a lifetime to reach."

The old man turns to his son with a cheeky grin. “Didn’t I tell you he’s the right one?”

“Hm.” The younger Park replies non-commitally.

“We received signals from Saturn's location that indicates the presence of three new potential worlds and several more exo planets that may be be orbiting a new black hole. We believe They sent the signals to Earth."

Hongjoong laughs. “They? What? You have ghosts too? Giving you secret binary messages?”

“What if it came from the same beings that sent you here?”

“A bit of a crazy coincidence isn't it?”

“There are no coincidences in science.” The Professor replies with a smile. "And yet, here you are."

Hongjoong shakes his head at the impossible scenarios presented to him. “The nearest star system is too far. Everyone would be dead by the time they arrived. You need a space elevator going at the speed of light.”

"That's cute." Doctor Park scoffs. “We prefer the scientific term for that: worm hole. And to answer your question, yes we found one near Saturn.”

“Worm holes aren’t a naturally occurring anomaly, they have to be created.”

“Thank you, I am aware of that.”The Doctor smiles smugly. “We think They must have formed it and provided us with the location of its existence. We have sent probes into it, followed by our Lazarus mission astronauts and received at least 3 binary pings back.”

“What is this They you keep referring to? You think some alien Godlike beings are out there helping us save our race?” Hongjoong asks incredulously. “That sounds insane.”

“Well it worked for Lazarus didn’t it?”

“That’s a just story!” Hongjoong says in exasperation, turning towards the Doctor. “Are you seriously suggesting we base a billion dollar once-in-a -lifetime-mission on a story and a few binary pings?”

“Of course not." Doctor Park replies snarkily. "We also jotted an equation down in chalk and pressed a few buttons on a calculator. But as I recall, out of the three of us, only two are astrophysicists. One did not actually finish the training.”

“Seonghwa…”

“No, your son is right Professor." Hongjoong says with a clenched jaw. “I didn’t finish. I am the least qualified here. But you have to admit this sounds crazy to an outsider. Let’s say your shuttle makes it, let’s say your new pilots survive, let’s say your worm hole works, let’s say you discover new worlds, let's say your Lazarus astronauts are alive, how can you transport 7 billion people across space?"

Hongjoong takes the time to look at his old Professor now. They first met when Hongjoong was still a teenager bursting with arrogance and over confidence but lacking any real discipline. He was wild and uncontrollable but always capable. Many hard years have passed them both now, and the once spritely Professor was harshly weathered by time, over burdened with intelligence and weighed down by responsibility.

"You’ve been trying to solve the mass exodus equation for years now Professor. So unless you’ve solved it already, this whole thing is futile isn't it?"

Doctor Park opens his mouth to offer more evidence and data to the contrary but his father silences him with a gentle hand on his arm.

"Your brother's generation will be the first to starve or last to suffocate. The End is inevitable Hongjoong. Whether you believe in our mission or not, no matter how preposterous it sounds to you, don't they deserve our best efforts to save them? We could spend those billions on Earth of course but it would only delay a certain death. Humans were born here but we don’t all have to die here.”

Hongjoong lets out a defeated sigh.

“All we are asking for is some of your flight training skills from the old program." The old man says, motioning to the shuttle in front of them. "We need the knowledge yes, but more than that, we need the bravery and problem solving skills that you were so good at."

"Thought you all said I was a liability?"

"I'll take a liability over the extinction of humankind." The Professor shrugs.

“I’ll have to think about it." Hongjoong shakes his head. "I still have a family.”

“I know. So help save them.”

The drive home is filled with Wooyoung's mile-a-minute-situation report (he had the time of his life it seems) but it’s the Professor's words that keep echoing in Hongjoong’s mind:

Your brother's generation will be the first to starve or last to suffocate.

“Hongjoong?”

“Yeah?”

“How come they knew all those things about you?”

Hongjoong shifts uncomfortably in his seat. It's the question he's been waiting for. He knows his brothers were never really told about his past, they were much too young then and he had lived away from home for most of those years.

“I used to be in the military aerospace program for NASA.”

"Oh my god, so it's true?!" Wooyoung stares at him with big round eyes and if he weren't such a little shit, Hongjoong might have called it cute. “So can you fly rocket ships?”

“Yes.”

“Well how come you never told us that?! Was it when you were away?”

“Yeah, you were just a little kid then. Mum and dad were going to tell you when you were older.”

“Have you been into space?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my god!” Wooyoung screeches again. “Why aren’t you doing that now then?"

“It’s complicated. You know that." Hongjoong sighs. "Things don't always go to plan."

The mood suddenly drops in the truck and Hongjoong had been expecting that too.

"I needed to come home and take care of the farm and everything.”

“And us.” Wooyoung adds quietly, deflating in his seat in his seat as the realisation of his brother's history hits him all at once. “Did you have to give it up because of me and Yunho?”

Hongjoong takes in his brother's dejected face and slows the truck to a stop on the side of the road.

“Hey listen, I left the program for a lot of reasons. I don’t regret having you and Yunho. I've never regretted it. None of this is your fault or his. Don’t ever let someone tell you otherwise okay?”

Wooyoung nods but doesn’t make eye contact. “But you could’ve been an astronaut?”

“I could’ve been a lot of things but my job now is important too, it's the most important. I don’t hate my life Wooyoung, I promise."

Wooyoung just shrugs in response and Hongjoong knows that despite what he just said, his brother is letting the guilt take over.

"Things don't always go to plan, I know you know that. Sometimes something worse happens but sometimes something better comes along. I mean, it's because of you that we found those scientists today and they offered me a job training the new pilots in their program. They might even let you could come visit and see the robots again.”

Wooyoung lifts his head in interest.

“Really?”

“Sure.”

That was a minor lie. He hadn’t committed to anything yet and he definitely wasn’t in any position to be making requests to NASA.

“Can I train too?”

Hongjoong laughs as he turns the engine on and manoeuvres the truck back onto the road.

“Sorry kiddo, you're still too young. NASA don’t except fourteen year old gremlins.”

#Ad Astra: The Theory Of Relativity #ateez #ateez au #hongjoong #wooyoung #yunho #seonghwa #ateez fic #interstellar au #ad astra stuff #i know it's very exposition heavy but bear with me #it's important!#i don't have a beta reader yet so excuse as mistakes and typos ok #i also OBVIOUSLY do not have an astrophysics degree so yeah lol #yeosang

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samueldays · 2 months

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Brainstorming a few more short scenarios for Princess: the Hopeful Crystal Edition.

You see a "Super Help Wanted!" ad in the paper asking for someone to put a restless ghost down. The ghost is real, a former owner of the house who keeps rearranging things to the way they were. Plea Charm can convince him to pass on on the same night, otherwise Social Maneuvering may take several nights. Twist: Crandy Cooper, the current owner, has teamed up with a paparazzo and/or detective to get pictures of Spider-Man you! Photo flashes are one clue that something funny is going on, the freshly installed cameras in the house are another, and Crandy is going to insist on sending you money and ask where to write the check to.

There's a sudden trend of people fainting out of nowhere at the local mall/supermarket, every day, same time of day. Princess Sensitivity reveals there's a Darkness power being used, but does not detect any Darkspawn. The fainted people have also been robbed of their money, but no robber was seen on camera. What's going on? Tessa Calder has received what the anonymous note claimed is a "Robin Hood Purse" that will magically fill itself with money taken from the richest person in the vicinity, but it takes more than that. Every day Tessa goes shopping with other people's money and happiness, feeling no guilt as she does the work of a Horror, and every night the Horror feeds from Tessa and the curse purse again. Mechanics are based on the Miracle (CofD), Siphon Energy (PtH), Poisonous Gift and Energy Crystal dread powers.

Mara Bailee, the new transfer student, is getting a reputation for hosting wild parties, but none of her guests seem to remember any specifics of those parties other than them coming away very very tired! This is an obvious trap for the PCs to walk into and spring once their turn at an invitation comes, the problem is that whatever is preying on Mara's guests (an Envious pretending to be her big sister or other relative?), it's staying inside her house with several other humans nearby. The Princesses will have to get clever about where to transform without getting attention or giving the Darkspawn an opportunity to slip away. Or maybe punch it in mundane form.

Feedback is welcome, of course. But I have a few more things to say.

Brazen, you mention monsters of the week, but I am having trouble doing something with them that is simple enough that I'd expect to get through it in one session, without being "wild pokemon attacks you in tall grass" meaningless encounter.

What does for example a Calamitous do that isn't 1) provoking mundane response in force and major questions by the time Princesses hear about it as more than a natural accident, or 2) being part of some plot by a bigger villain or outside force directing it?

To some extent this is also me failing to understand what the "ecology" of Horrors in the base game is supposed to be, which might be implicitly assumed knowledge.

I've played Vampire and other splats, but I've never played the base game that's supposedly playable with only the CofD corebook (it looks vaguely like Hunter: the Nerfed) and many of its Horrors look like they'd be hard to use in the implied game setting without several plot devices and GM contortion. There's even a sidebar on this in the entry for House That Hates that notices the problem but gives really unhelpful advice:

I feel that if I have to bend my chronicle's premise and character-generation rules this way in order to use a monster, that is a badly designed monster, it shouldn't be in the corebook, it should be redesigned or relegated to a specialized adventure module with pregenerated characters.

Darkspawn work better because they, well, spawn, and then they go towards the nearest Light, which may be the Princesses.

But if they spawn somewhere that isn't near the Princesses, what do they do until then? What keeps a Calamitous from escalating to call-in-the-army levels ASAP?

#all #rpg #pthce

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hjh-ceilo-monster · 10 months

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Double Trouble : MYG x JJK

Summary : Being with one hot and popular singer was difficult. Then, how about two?

Inspo. : D-Day Concert the final | Bts 10th anniversary firework show [ Yoongi alone in his concert was lethal enough. Adding Jungkook on the stage...oh, god...they literally burned the stage.] Photos & Gifs : reserved for rightful owners

Author POV.

"Shiiiibaaaaallllll"

The crowd screamed as the lead singer growled.

The light threw different shades here and there, from red to purple to blue and orange.

"Party party yah!"

Another deep growling joined. The chorus excitedly popped up from the hydrolic lift floor.

Now both of them held the arena's attention completely. Looking into one's eyes, they started battling their voice.

To level up the fight of dominance, the bass and drum went wild, matching their singers' energy. While the keyboard, as a backbone of this song, calmly matched the beat.

"I swear they were too much sometimes. How are they going to do the interview after this?"

The manager looked at the monitor and sighed. Despite complaining, he knew he could do nothing.

"They were always like this...always."

Y/n spoke. Watching them proudly, the old memory flashed in front of their eyes. The image of them in their school uniform collided with the now version of them. The sight made them chuckled.

Well, that really was how Yoongi and Jungkook are.

10 years ago

"Why are you here?"

The both of them pointed at each other. Their expression showed nothing but irritation.

"Brief intro for you guys. This is Jungkook, our new member. JK, this is Yoongi, our lead singer."

Y/n introduced the two to each other, even though, it looked like they had already known each other.

"So this is our new chorus? Can he?" Yoongi smirked while provoking the newcomer.

"Can't I be the lead singer. I bet I'm better than this old man." Jungkook, who cared nothing about seniority, challenged Yoongi for the position.

And that was how everything started between the two. Their journey of chaotic friendnemy.

"I still remember how they fought no end. They even broke into fist fight."

Y/n smiled at the old memory. They could feel the nostalgic shock yet delight as if it happened yesterday.

That was understandable though.

Because....they were the cause of the fight.

"Dipshit, you can compete with me on anything, but not Y/n."

The side of Yoongi's lip had some blood seeping. His hand painted red so did his face.

"Why? If you like them, say it! I'm not like you, Agust. I like Y/n and I have guts to say what I feel."

Jungkook shout out his confession, even though, the left side of his cheek got a bruise. His blood was boiling as the older stopped him from his plan.

Y/n stood in front of the door, frozen. They didn't want to believe what they had just witnessed.

"It shouldn't be like this." Y/n mumbled to themselves.

For months, Y/n distanced themselves from the band. The rest of the members couldn't hide it and told their singers why Y/n didn't show up at their studio. The two of them kept apologizing to Y/n afterward.

Well, that was in the past. Now everything between them was good. Their feelings, their problems, everything fell into their places perfectly.

"Y/nie how was it?" Jungkook was about to throw his sweating body toward them, however, Yoongi was quicker.

"Not so fast, kid. We gotta get change first."

A giant bunny pouted before following Yoongi to the changing room. Y/n giggled at the two of them.

From enemy to brother, their relationship was like a roller coaster.

*In the changing room*

"Everything's ready." The staff adjusted suit one last time before let Yoongi and Jungkook go.

"Hyung...this is it. Will they say yes?" Jungkook asked his older friend. His hands were shaking.

Yoongi didn't answer anything. The older one seemed to be well-prepared, yet his eyes couldn't hide his worry.

As much as they wanted to hear a yes and quite confident about it, deep down they were a tiny part that prepared for the rejection.

No matter what they wanted, in the end, it wasn't something they could control.

"Let's go." Yoongi spoke and lead the way.

"They are late. Is everything alright? Aren't you guys have a special ending before the concert end?"

Y/n asked the rest of the band.

"We know nothing...really. The staff only told us that those two would like to perform something special for the ending of this tour."

The bass player replied and glanced at other members, having the same expression as Y/n.

They all were confused.

Phew.....Phew....

The string of lights started shooting up into the sky. And the next moment, the firework bloomed, lighting up in the middle of darkness.

"It has been 10 years we were together. Spending year and year after you, in every difficulty we always find hope..."

Jungkook's voice suddenly came through the speakers. The firework still went on, blooming in various patterns.

"As a special day, at the end of this successful tour, we wanted to express our love and gratitude to our first fan..."

Yoongi then continued the script.

"Every practice session, every lyric, every beat, they won't exist if it wasn't you who kept encouraging us...."

"We fought a lot. We cried a lot. We acted like kids around you, yet you were never tired of us two..."

Jungkook chuckled as he ended the sentences.

"Thank you for being here. Thank you for not giving up on us. Thank you. We hope this letter touch your heart. How we wish there is a word that has a greater meaning than the word love to say to you..."

The two of them said in unison.

"Y/n-ah, let's be together always...and for the rest of our lives, shall we?"

One final blow of the firework lit the sky.

'Will you marry us?'

A/n note : That's it. I hope you enjoy the os. Seeing them together on the stage and other performance from Jimin and Namjoon with Yoongi make me want to fastfoward to 2025 so bad. Well, I chose this pair because of the chemistry when I saw the fancam. I thought it would be nice to put them into frienemy mode with and oc who bond them within the relationship (+ a litle romance)

Thanks for reading. See you next session

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saetoru · 9 months

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it's rly wild to me they'll say "no girls allowed" and then tag things like jjk x fem!reader so it shows up in fem reader tags? it's one thing to shoot you a dm and say hey can you put in the tags fem reader so it filters and another to reblog and say it made them feel "icky". in what world is that a mature response? when you didnt even really do anything wrong except not cater to their specific comforts and preferences for a fic you devoted your time and energy to for free. the victim complex and entitlement is actually insane. and women are not obligated to cater to their comfort when they tag a female reader with a trigger warning and then cross tag their posts saying something we enjoy isnt "meant for us" with × fem reader so it shows up in our tags either way. there is 0 justification for making women feel as if our existence is something we need to filter after that kind of rude and inconsiderate behavior. demanding we offer them consideration theyve shown theyre unwilling to offer us just isnt going to work.

bro there’s nothing inconsiderate about posting fem! reader content into the general gojo x reader tags and majority of ppl don’t tag it with gender specific reader in the tags they just warn it at the top

like i’m not gonna go out of my way to use up an extra tag bc it’s just an unnecessary task to do and i already take the time to let u know it’s fem reader beforehand. it’s on the first line of the warnings it’s one of the first things there. u can’t miss it if ur looking for it. if u choose not to read warnings then that’s ur fault idc to baby ur specific wishes for ur media consumption when there are ways about that on ur end

and then being all gross and petulant to provoke women in the most immature way possible while simultaneously being misogynistic is gross behavior :/ what a weirdo

#asks!

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viviennexvi · 1 year

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A Case For Taurus

I decided to do a little write-up concerning my feelings and the general modern astrology community's opinions on Taurus energy... Please keep in mind that there's nothing wrong with using keywords and such to remember things when you're just starting out. It's only a problem when you rely only on them for your entire practice!

It is a firm belief of mine that Taurus is frequently misrepresented in modern astrology techniques, reduced to stereotypes and shallow keywords. Whilst these sorts of things may be useful for beginners, even relatively seasoned astrologers often struggle to define Taurus traits beyond “lazy, comfort-loving, and obstinate”.

As a person with a Taurus-heavy chart, and also one who did not see myself reflected in these qualities, I found it difficult, even frustrating, to read, relate to, and understand my own chart.

In January of 2023, I was reading the biography of a classic film star. He was also a Taurus—we even happened to share the same day of birth—and while reading the book, something suddenly clicked. I could understand, from a personal viewpoint, much of what I was reading then, but didn’t see myself in typical Taurus fashion. What was going on? The film star in question was very much a Taurus, which led me to a rather interesting revelation—Taurus energy, essentially, is a seeker.

They are a seeker insomuch as they search to create stability for themselves in many ways, perhaps to make up for that which they lacked in their childhood years. They are not lazy or slow, but rather cautious, taking small, calculated steps instead of taking giant leaps into the unknown. Like the bull grazing in his own pasture, Taurus can have wild moments of unpredictability while in youth or when security is threatened, but his home is his haven, where all is exactly as he thinks it should be. Lashing out is uncommon. It takes a lot to provoke the bull, for they prefer to not waste their time, energy, or thoughts on trivial matters. When a situation is deemed worth worrying about, Taurus typically takes the lead with a logical, carefully constructed approach.

So, Taurean energy seeks to create his own definition of safety. A self-made man, if you will. They work hard for what they want in life, which they may have lacked early on. If I had to sum them up in one simple phrase, I would proudly call Taurus the ‘Seeker of Tranquility’.

Much Love,

V <3

#taurus #astrology #astrology community #viviennexvi

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mejomonster · 1 year

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I decided I'd write bulletpoint summaries to figure out how to write the next few chapters. So like "x happens, you happens" etc.

But the thing is... when I do that, it helps me get ideas (yay) so then I flesh the bullet point out into 1-20 paragraphs but its STILL in note format so there's some actual lines that are DONE done (like dialogue and some particularly impactful moments of description).

then there's some in a format I HAVE to rewrite later (like "he absolutely loses his shit, tries to rip X limb from limb" I will have to reword ALL the stuff like this which is like 70% of the "fleshed out" summarized notes I write... and its always annoying because it's like... those parts are Basically done conceptually, they have all the details I Needed to include, it's just I worded them like notes and not in nice literary wording so they're NOT fucking usable yet).

And of course, there's the priginal summary bits where I'm just like "They flee the city, go to x. He says never talk to me again, he cant bear it, and goes off to the mountains." Which I'll have to fully flesh out of course. But at least it's all malleable stuff I can word however.

The 2nd kind of summary notes are my best/worst friend ToT on the one hand it's great, the whole scene is fleshed out! On the other hand it's awful cause I know Exactly Every detail I have to write but I have to translate it from "he fucking smashes his head in, seeing red" to like "he crushes his skull under his heel, watching the blood spread across the wooden floor. It's finally over." And like.... ;-; I have to do that shit with every single line, except the occasional blessing where I wrote Full Finished lines in between the 70% note-taking descriptions.

Like. Here's my summary notes I wrote for chapter 11 of what makes monsters stop devouring:

Scenes of Kunlun LEAVING the alliance, and Ye Zun so desperate to help his bro that he marches out there to go confront Kunlun and army ALONE, and ends up telling him off and telling him hes no hero compared to shen wei if he LEAVES, and then Kunlun grabs him and intimidates him just enough for Ye Zun to panicked grab back and absorb a little energy threateningly, then YZ stops cause he wants to make this negotiation work and appear acquiescing no matter how scared he was. Kunlun thinks that’s very brave of him, and proves he’s also very loyal to the thing he came here for and thinks that proves Ye Zun really believes his Black Cloak Envoy is noble and worth all this, and then lets him into his tent to discuss returning. Then the scene of them riding horses ahead back to alliance camp, shen wei immediately seeing them (with mask on) and coming to meet them, and Kunlun inexplicably apologizing for having left without discussing with the chiefs and hearing them out first, and promising he will hear them out if they allow him. Meanwhile SW is just BAFFLED his brother isn’t in danger and that Kunlun isn’t angry and SW is SO confused over what’s going on, but very floored, cause he admires and respects Kunlun at least rep/status wise so he doesn’t know how to handle someone ‘higher’ than him bowing to him and pleading forgiveness and acting submissive to him. What the FUCK did his brother go do???

And in a later arc I wrote a mess of dialogue notes:

At some point after, YZ confronts Kunlun over and over about WHY he got so mad when YZ was trying to help, and finally gets the answer ‘ i already told u i dont’ want you hurt, i don’t want you hurt because of me’ and YZ doesn’t get it, so Kunlun threatens to LEAVE. So YZ tries to get a brainwashed minion to read kunlun’s mind for the answer to avoid a problem for SW, and then Kunlun knocks out the guy before it can happen and goes and finds YZ to privately chat. YZ goes wild and desperate n tries to provoke KL into either telling the truth or injuring him so at least shen wei doesn’t feel like there was any choice BUT for KL to leave or die. Because despite yelling n threatening YZ, to keep YZ away and to keep him from touching his energy, KL still hasn’t actually hurt him. Again, KL says he doesn’t want YZ hurt he wants to keep him safe - and YZ has NO idea how leaving YZ helps

And its like wow I turned that into a 10k chapter but also ;-; is that some people's first drafts? Just the word jumble coming out of your brain trying to summarize? I assume not, I assume a first draft has to actually Be finished sentences lmao. But yeah I write this kind of stuff for long stories and they're a fucking mess because 1 yes I'm grateful cool I know what the plot outline is but 2 dear god its frustrating taking so many Half Written pieces of description and turning them into proper pretty 5 paragraph prose. Anyway yeah some behind the scenes on writing process! ToT

#mejo writing #writing #rant #tbf #i wrote 1.6k of summary notes today #which will probably become 6-15k of actual novel words once fleshed out #if you have seen ANY of my headcanon or meta posts or writing idea for fanfic posts #you know i have a tendency to do the Half Summary Half fleshed out mess thing here #where it would be proper finished fanfic snippet if it didnt START like a notes summary #and if it didnt USE he freaks out/she FUCKING kills him/ etc type wording lol

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artemis-potnia-theron · 11 months

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Hi there! I’m not a pagan but out of religious context, I still love the gods and Artemis has particular been a beautiful archetype for me. I had a dance teacher once tell me my movement and energy was like hers and when I was a teenager, I had this amazing encounter in the desert with a black-tailed deer. The doe was the only animal in sight and we just stared and stared at each other. Idk if you believe in spirit animals but she was and is mine.

I dearly love the woods and grew up hunting, hiking, climbing trees, and riding horseback. For me, the loss of my maidenhood has also meant the loss of many of these things. I often feel trapped indoors with my chores and children. It has been seven years since my doe appeared to me, which I don’t think is a coincidence. Seven is a special number. What are some ways I can once again channel Artemis and the moon and the woods and these things which were once so native to me?

Hello hello!!

Animal connections and encounters are amazing ways to connect to her energy! Just as a friendly FYI, the term 'spirit animal' is typically reserved for Indigenous communities and cultures and is generally discouraged outside of that context. If this is your background, apologies. My background is Cherokee and I just wanted to let you know :)

Here are some other terms you can use to describe that relationship with a certain animal:

Familiar

Guide/Animal Guide

Fylgja (In Norse mythology, a fylgja is a supernatural being or spirit which accompanies a person in connection to their fate or fortune.)

Muse

Helper

Daimon

Helper

Genius

Now, onto the rest of your question! Deer are perhaps Artemis' most famous sacred animal. If you still feel a connection to them, one thing you can do is add more deer imagery/motifs around your home. This can mean decor made out of ethically sourced shed deer antlers, photos and figures of deer, or other art that provokes their energy. Deer are thought to be one of the embodiments of the forest, the hunt, and the cycle of life and death. They are present in a wide number of mythologies and religions and consistently serve as a connection to the spiritual realm. Connecting to that energy can also mean connecting to Artemis.

Another great way to connect, although it might sound obvious, is to try and get out in nature whenever possible. This doesn't have to mean going to a nature reserve if that isn't a possibility for you. It can just mean taking early morning/late-night walks. Or just standing outside during a free moment and breathing in the fresh air. Or even something as simple as opening the window and letting the wind flow through your home.

If you can't spend as much time outside as you would like, try to bring the outdoors into your home! Crystals are a great way to connect with nature. Growing/picking/buying flowers and other plants (if that's possible) can be a great reminder that the 'wilds' are everywhere. I started with a few succulents and now my city-based apartment looks like a greenhouse!

Another lesser-known fact about Artemis is that she also assists with transitioning from childhood (being wild, free, untamed) into the more 'stable' household sphere. Artemis is part of nature, which is in itself constantly changing. Dying and then being reborn. Nothing is stagnant. Try to keep that mindset for yourself. If you can't get outdoors as much as you'd like, I'd suggest meditation. Spend some time looking inward. She can really help you learn to accept the past for what it was, focus on being present, and looking forward to new growth. Just like in the wilds. Winter is part of nature as much as spring is.

Another way to connect to Artemis is through song and dance. Although her brother and one of her counterparts, Apollo(n) is far more heavily associated with music (the muses), Artemis can also embody the spirit of unrestrained dance.

Some of her epithets include:

-Hegemone “leader of dance" or "choir leader.” -Hymnia “of the hymns” or "lover of songs." -Celadeinus/Celadeine “strong-voiced" or "lady of clamors.”

While this is not the same as Dionysus, who presides over ecstatic, mad, and frenzied release, it can invoke a similar feeling. Try to find a song that you can just go nuts to. Don't worry about how you look or how to dance well, just find freedom. Let go. That can also really help connect to that 'wild spirit' that can become more difficult to connect to in domestic life. My favorite band, The Amazing Devil, has a song called 'The Horror and the Wild' that is great for this. A number of their songs capture the vibe of Artemis really well. I'd suggest checking them out!

Meditation under moonlight, especially the full moon when its light is at its brightest, can be a fantastic way to connect to the cosmos and to Artemis. It doesn't have to be some dramatic thing, just find a few spare minutes to focus on the moon and take some time to reflect. I like to remind myself that I am looking at the same thing countless other people and animals look to and connect with.

It humbles me and reminds me how incredible it is that I've gotten the opportunity to be alive - to be a part of something that was there long before me and will be there long after. It is one of our clearest, most beloved connections to the infinite. Take advance of that. Also, focus on that growth and rebirth aspect I mentioned. Just as the moon has phases- you have phases, too.

Most importantly, remember that her energy does not leave you when you transition away from 'unbridled and untamed youth'. Just as her spirit is present in the hunt, she is also present during childbirth. She is there in both life and death, in all forms of renewal. You will never stop changing or growing. Every new phase of life is a chance to grow and experience something new. Try to remind yourself of this when things seem 'stagnant.'

As I mentioned, my family is Cherokee and my uncles have always said that life is like a river. And, as the saying goes, you never step into the same river twice. Even if the river always looks the same, the water is still flowing forward - always moving and changing. This is one of the lessons Artemis can teach you. There is both great peace and great excitement in that realization.

Hope this was helpful!!

#artemis #artemis deity #goddess artemis #hellenic pantheon #hellenic polytheism #hellenic community #hellenic gods #hellenic polytheist #thanks for the ask!#ask #answered

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scarletooyoroi · 2 years

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Thoma goes on the assumption that they’ve already made the same conclusion. Cresting high to the northern sides of Cider Lake, the abnormal elemental concentrations makes it the prime breeding ground for abnormalities. With the seemingly unkillable hypostatis lording over the lands as an uncrowned king, the more violent, visceral stirs of anemo continue to make an unforeseen consequence to the once at peace Ley Lines. So to hear that, alongside watching her chipper disposition gain touches of motivation, an equally firm smile was returned.

“I’m happy to have you by my side. But to answer your question, that is part of the reason why I sought for your hand honestly.” He replies and answers in kind. There was no shyness to behold when it comes to the line of duty.

“Given that I haven’t really stepped around Mondstadt’s atmosphere since I was a teenager, a decade can certainly bring a host of changes. Not to mention how experience with topography wasn’t as avid then as it is now..” Thoma bashfully admits while rubbing the side of his neck. Readjusting his own pack of supplies settled on his figure, meals and personalized equipment were safely secured.

His own figure radiates a stalwart and steadied resolve, a sort of light that could inspire confidence to anyone’s disposition. That morbid on how a sole boar can bring calamity causes him to snort in a touch of amusement. “Considering all the heat to come? That would be the last place the poor thing would want to frequent. Feel free to align me with your tips on the locale then on the way.”

“Let’s roll!”

From the great Lion’s gate of Mondstadt, to the grand wilds blessed by the sighs of Barbatos and the hymns of Anemo, the pair of pyrotechnics were on the path of making quick ground. Given the union of their Pyro resonance, even more stamina and strength was granted to them, allowing this travel by a steady sprint to be as swift as the Thousand Winds. From a singular glance, nostalgia bounced within his heart, and his exterior reflects a soul burning for bringing his experiences to the world.

Even if the foreboding stirs of energy lingered ahead. They weren’t even close to the crevice of high raised mountains flats and the skies above that particular area brimmed with a slow brewing chaos. How once blue skies fade to an angry, bubbling stir of gray, to how faint laces of static could be seen zipping across heavens. It’s a view that causes his gaze to sharpen.

“Say, Amber? Have these situations been getting a touch out of hand since the advent of Stormterror in your opinion?” He openly ponders while skillfully hopping past a small gaggle of tree roots. Resuming the steady application of leg strength as they zip to their location through the trove of life known as the Whispering Woods.

“It’s just conjecture on my part, but within Inazuma, these recent times had provoked the awakening of many demons. A manifestation of thunder, spirits corroded by filth, not to mention the abyssal beast..”

“I was just looking for a second opinion, the cold period of ‘peace’ simply looked to be boiling over in my book.”

@the-lytenye-realms from X!

#the-lytenye-realms #| Threads

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writer59january13 · 5 months

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Heterosexual married sexagenarian male...

Aims to trigger cerebral orgasm;

Other terms for said phenomena are "brain tingles" and "head orgasm." This sensation is described as a pleasant, even euphoric, tingling warmth and/or feeling of relaxation that comes in waves across the head, neck, and spine. This phenomenon is often triggered by soothing auditory and/or visual experiences.

Though puzzled regarding the minor biochemical or perhaps neurological mystery underlying tumbling, plummeting, and nosediving libido of mine, nevertheless, I blessedly accept reality, whereby once raging testosterone figuratively analogous to former gushing spigot of hormonal secretion now (yes pun intended) runs bone dry and (contrary to any fallacy), NOT sorely missed! Yours truly (me) surmises absent sex drive linkedin to side effects of one or more of the nine prescription medications taken to offset anxiety, dysthymia, palmar hyperhidrosis (sweaty palms), obsessive compulsive disorder, and restless leg syndrome) subsequently an aspiration arose to arouse at least one unsuspecting reader to experience mental excitement courtesy yours truly

(mine) poetic and prosaic foreplay, especially concocting double entendres that titillate Wernicke's area, i.e. a critical language area in the posterior superior temporal lobe connects to Broca's area via a neural pathway. Wernicke's area is primarily involved in the comprehension. Historically, this area associated with language processing, whether it is written or spoken. Unlike setting up blind dates for myself more than half my lifetime ago (with long sought after ambition, expectation, and utilization answering call of the wild read for tactile sensory sensual experience) courtesy, Craigslist, Philadelphia Magazine, Single Book lovers, or other mediums to post or answer personal classified advertisements; nowadays, the quest when responding to friendship requests thru Facebook ala Messenger sofa now couched with intent for platonic familiarity. If/when words masterfully baited usage of English Language without recourse to any rhyme nor reason admittedly, gloriously, and undoubtedly created upsurge of... palpable excitement, though medical experts invariably would most likely challenge if I actually averred (honest to dog) coalition, fusion, integration,

et cetera of genitalia between consensual adults in general, and oral intercourse in particular execrated

from fervid, lurid,

or perfervid fantasies of mine; methinks attaining the big "O" oversaturated, cuz in my paradigm, no erogenous zones need get sated to attain contentment eliciting joie de vivre. An intense passion runs rampant when reading and to a slightly lesser degree writing

about pleasurable sensations

affecting the mind imbibing heavenly essences helped along,

when heightened state of mental acuity

brought about thru restful sleep coaxed along with five hour energy drink,

or other caffeinated beverage.

Exercising on the stationary bicycle (no way to determine distance traversed

since I removed odometer and other

sundry mechanisms), nevertheless key objective regarding cardiological workout felt cause resistance to push pedals set to highest tension, generates mild euphoria, which approximation of nirvana heightened while concentrating reading out loud hearing thought provoking material.

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doitytoity · 2 years

Text

9.18

So Rudy and I went to breakfast today at Toledito’s downtown. I’ve never been so comfortable being uncomfortable in my life. I saw 222 multiple places. It made me smile.

Dude ugh. I don’t wanna overanalyze or anything like there is a possibility that we may just remain friends.

I had a few moments where I was like oh yeah absolutely. <— girl what

I don’t even know where I was going with that. I just felt so like, free to be myself like that was so cool. I think I was saying like he was someone I could see myself hanging out with again no matter which way it goes. There was a point at breakfast where he asked if I was confrontational and I was not (unless provoked) and he….was. And it felt like cool to be different. On both ends like I feel like we were both just existing and that was a super interesting feeling because I feel like I could take a break from overthinking at all, like I could just be my goofy wacky self and it was entertaining more or less. Like “the energy was there” is what I’m trying to say.

But there were other times where I could see that if this did turn into something more, it would be cool cause he’s just…human. Hmm I think I just discovered something very interesting. I think I understand soul mates differently now cause I was listening to autistic mystic and he was saying something about soul mates not necessarily being romantic (duh) and like, I could actively feel that today, and not in an obsessive way either like I just felt so comfortable??

But also my shit mind popped in and was like oh he just wants to have someone to have around while he hops and bops around doing the stuff he likes. Even though I ENJOYED it and I think that’s probably just wild ass insecurity telling me no one really wants to be around me, they just don’t want to be alone. Which liiiiike, both can be true but it’s kind of sad when they are… at least when the latter precedes the former as the reason.

“Tarotscoper told me…”

I didn’t have to be anyone but myself today and he was nobody but him…….. shit that’s such a different feeling. For me at least. In that capacity of a hang. Like with a new person. Duh.

Even when I was stoned and like a tad uncomfy it was cool. Like there was just an energy of it being all good. Idk.

Could’ve just been jitters on his end but he laughed so much and I just don’t want to read into that too deeply like at the very least it means we can be friends and maybe just maybe it will be something more. He mentioned today that he hasn’t spoken to his ex in a month which I thought was interesting info no matter which way you spin it.

He paid for breakfast and when I said “thank you for breakfast he was like yeah one time my uncle said if you invite someone somewhere you better pay for it so if I ask you to go somewhere I’ll probably just pay… ITS THAT WAY WITH HOMIES TOO

Like what does that mean am I set apart from homies or am I homies?????? Hmmmmmm!!!

And at the end he was like “come hang out” like with his friends and at some punk shows or whatever and I was like…… cool yeah sure just let me know when.

And like….why is that? Is it because he thinks I need friends? More importantly, why do I need the why. Why don’t I believe anyone really wants me around? It’s obviously not true. Vanessa just invited me to a Halloween thing. Adreana invites me places. People generally like me. I think I’m realized I’m in a projection phase because I don’t ~prefer~ a vast majority of personalities. But it’s so weird because I also am very accepting it’s so weird. Like I’ll be nice even when I know I don’t actually vibe.

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth is always what I’ve been told. Like, the answer will become clear in time.

I’m having so many thoughts now. I like the vibe of it being chill. I am okay with not having any answers. I will do my best to ground myself when my mind falls into runaway romance storylines. It doesn’t have to evolve for it to be meaningful. I have plenty of girlfriends I’ve never kissed or been in committed relationships with lol

But idk just the boy and girlness of it… we both ordered machaca. Him with corn tortillas and me with flour. Him with rice and beans and me with potatoes and beans. When he asked if I’ve ever had machaca, and I said “that’s what I’m ordering, I love machaca.” He laughed and said he did too.

He gives me very Eugene vibes. Like lemme break this down.

Eugene was in the navy. Eugene is very drawn to spirits. He’s very accepting, he’s artistic, he’s a very come as you are ass person. He’s Mexican with First Nations roots somewhere. Mexican Apache. Don’t know who Rudy hails from. They both laugh at the things I say, in similar ways. They both respond well to my eccentric-ish way of being. Or what I deem to be so.

His laugh was quite endearing. I like him. I really don’t want to get ahead of myself but I could see myself getting cozy. Like over time for sure. But I can imagine what a relief it might be to get close???? Idk how to make that not sound weird like I’m not grossed out by him is what I’m really trying to say here. Like I could see it evolving, idk if I already typed that or not.

I felt very aware around him. Like aware of how we are similar and different and just like feeling happy about feeling okay about someone who’s different, someone it was safe to be around.

I get such a tall wall around me so often.

I took him to a burned up house and he high fived me at the end and was like thanks for showing me this cool spot. And idk it was all just cool. It’s nice to just hang. I wonder what he’s thinking. I’m gonna have to ask my cards… 😈

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