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aj1dordinary · 7 months

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chat is this real???

platonic!Johnny Cage x platonic!gen-z!reader

lowkey crack???

im crossed asf and while viewing a MK1 tiktok w/ Johnny and ‘International Love’, couldn’t help but think of how cool it would be to be Johnny Cage’s assistant… like he has the same energy as a Gen Z-er. We’d be besties fr.

just so u know, im black and fem so !reader is gonna be interpreted as black and fem xox

“johnny baby~” you trilled as you step out of the Uber to meet him at his house. as his social media manager, it was your job to record all the content across all social media platforms. with his new movie coming out paying homage to the ‘Indiana Jones’ franchice, you thought it would be good for promo if you recorded you both doing a trendy Tiktok dance.

fans of Johnny Cage knew you nearly as a duo. when people conduct interviews on a set or on the red carpet, people could always count on you ready to capture that night’s funniest quote or moment that would circulate like crazy. you’d also frequently appear in them, physically forcing johnny to keep up with the latests trends as a nearing 40 year old man. The comments would always be filled with remarks like “i fear for your well-being if you EVER get rid of y/n” or “y/n’s mind neverrr misses”. safe to say, your career is secured.

you nearly skip to his door when you notice the door was wide open, obvious signs of a break-in occurring. “oh my god,” you inhaled deeply, the tone coming from a mix of your head and your belly. “mr. cage!” you then screech, you hide in the nearest shrubs while fishing through your purse to find your phone then your taser. when the two items occupy your grasp, you look up to sky, take a deep breath, then let out a war screech. simultaneously, you start the instagram live while holding down the button of your taser, the electric crackles breaking up the audio of you screaming.

you run in through his foyer before stumbling upon a scene between some japanese guy strapped to a chair, a man with glowing fucking eyes, and two hot guys. ok, maybe one hot guy, the other guy had literal frost coming from his hand… still hot tho.

“Oh damn y’all.. i just caught the behind-the scenes of johnny’s gay porn. my fault og’s.” you said before abruptly ending the livestream.

you barging in phone-first with the need to catch johnny cage’s demise on camera being the first thing you think of before your wellbeing (the taser) had johnny chuckling a bit. if anything, had it actually been his demise, at least you would’ve got his good side. he liked that you were committed to the job as he was committed to cinema. suddenly, a lightbulb idea hit him.

“oh~” he chuckled. “i hope you don’t mind if i bring my assistant.” he patted the shoulder of the glowing-eye man, before tipping his sunglasses at you . “I’m afraid i won’t be at my 100% otherwise.”

“nuh-uh” you raise your eyebrows, appalled that he was gonna offer your service on behalf.

“uhhh yuh-huh.” johnny mocked you now turning toward you. the party that you’ve yet to address just look between the two of you riff off one another. johnny (supposedly one of Earthrealm’s defenders) and a young women (maybe the source of his strength/energy)? the two hot ones look at each other through a side eye before shrugging.

“nuh-uh johnny, that wasn’t in the contract. i told you that if you had any body other than me as your assistant right now, you would’ve been got your ass lit up in fucking court. i cant stand your ass sometimes, y’know?” johnny speed walked (sped walk?) over to you as you kept going off on his ass, before grabbing your elbow and dragging you to some corner.

“y/n~” he whined almost on the verge of throwing a tantrum. Meanwhile, you stand firm, tapping your feet as though you were impatient. “you’re embarrassing me in front of a literal god right now. and i mean LITERALLY god.” you scrunched your face up and roll your eyes. “no, believe me I thought the same thing at first, but he literally shoots fireballs out his hand and summons dragons. other two remind me of that show you watch, y’know the intro that goes ‘then everything changed when the fire nation attacked’” he nearly pouted, trying to think of a way to get you to believe him.

You raise an eyebrow, rolling your eyes at the near puppy-dog eyes johnny gives you through the dark lens of his shades, his lips nearly quivering.

“oklahoma?” you state, both of you binging had been binging ‘Ted Lasso” and thought it’d be funny (for yourselves and his audience) to start implementing it.

“oklahoma.” he returns with bated breath.

You try to see if you can gauge any other emotion before sighing and withdrawing your tense stance.

“i need you to record everything we encounter in this “Outerrealm”. for when i’m busy improvisin’ and kickin’ ass. all of it.” He paced both hands on your shoulder.

“24/7?” you question.

“yes.”

“sounds like an unpaid business trip. what’s in it for me?” You respond almost before he could finish the word.

“$1 million pension and I’ll let you have 50% of the rights on the new movie i make about this shit.” He responded just as fast.

“done. nice doing business with you old man.” you shake his hand.

almost as quickly as he pulled you away, you fix your appearance before heading back out to the living room to address the crowd of supernatural men.

“alright boys. you heard him, the name’s y/n and i need to be with johnny 24/7. if i can’t go, he can’t go. We have a very tight schedule to run and demands must be met before we let you squeeze in your alleged plans to save the world.” you cross your arms in front of you and look up at the three sweaty and built (damn. damn. damn. d-) men.

“my name is lui kang, champion and protector of Earthrealm. as much as i'd hate to have a civilian on the front line, i anticipate that your liveliness is secure. regardless, if that would make johnny more than comfortable, then i gladly accept your presence.” the supposed god said.

“glad we could make this work” you stuck out your hand to shake all three. the god returned the gesture - his hands warm and rough. you offer the gesture to the rest of the entourage, the man permeating the frost didn’t dare look at your outstretched hand, refusing to return the gesture. but he spoke a rough “bi han” that you took as his name. the other grasped your hand and shook it, more amused at your obvious lack of knowledge of who you were dealing with. he was broken out of his thoughts when you look at your hand in near amazement. “kuai liang” he spoke.

“sir, i think you’ve just cured my anemia” your eyes widen in admiration. johnny just rolled his eyes as he cut what you assumed to be the intruder out of the chair. you address him next.

“and sorry for johnny’s affinity for ropes, he’s got a thing for BDSM.”

“do not..” he mumbles, you throw him a knowing glance.

“kenshi” he merely grunted, wiping broken glass off his suit.

“well,” you start. “looks like shit in here, but i’m sure we can write it off somewhere. what’s next on the schedule kangaroo?”

lui kang looks a bit taken aback at the nickname you chose for him, but he clears his throat to recalibrate.

“we must travel to wu shi academy to prepare for a tournament where Earthrealm’s fate lies in the hands of warriors i have hand picked.”

“and this guy is one of them?” you interrupt. the guy deemed kenshi chuckled.

lui kang smiled and nodded his head.

“well,” you check your watch. “let’s get on with it. we have a tiktok due at 7 PM and a set to be on within a week.”

lui kang turns and begins swirling his hands before a literal portal appears in johnny’s living room.

“holy-“ you start already pulling your phone out to record like johnny requested. he nudged your side as to say ‘i told you so’.

so thus, your journey begins as johnny’s personal cheerleader and assistant as he sets off to kick some serious ass and not care about the names.

-end-

!please!let!me!know!what1you!think! i feel like a suck at writing, but i do maladaptive daydream a lot so i have plenty more ideas i’d like to write about. otherwise, xoxo go piss girl

#mk1 2023 #mk1 x reader #johnny cage #bi han sub zero #kuai liang #scorpion #x reader #platonic #reader insert #lui kang #mortal kombat #kenshi takahashi #shitpost #self insert

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casualheizouenjoyers · 1 year

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☆.｡.:* 18. say that we'll just screw it up ✍︎

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☆.｡.:* cruel summer

☆.｡.:* synopsis: you are a small streamer centered on cozy gaming and your ongoing series of ranking every taylor swift song in a tier list. scaramouche is a competitive speed runner in a streamer group called “the harbingers” that has an insanely large fan base. your paths only cross once he subtweets about your content and your favorite artist, causing a petty online argument that might lead to something else.

ㅤ ╰ཱི ࣭ ࣪ ❁𝆬 ࣭ ྏ ࣭ ͘ ｡ ࣪ ✐ yntaylorsversion is interning! ̣ ࣪ ྌ

the next time you saw Scaramouche at your internship, you’re balancing books on your desk to create a makeshift tripod.

“What are you doing?” Scaramouche said as he slammed something down on your desk, causing your phone and books to go tumbling down.

It had turned out that Yae’s publishing house didn’t have a TikTok page. No matter your feelings on the app, you were a streamer first before a social media intern. Not having one was like turning away free advertisement.

After a good thirty minutes explaining to your boss why it would be beneficial, you were given the green light to make an account and start making videos on it. You then had to go through the kind of boring process of setting up the account and getting it verified, but once that was done, you were set.

“Hey my sh— Is that the tour shirt from the Taylor swift concert??!” You gasp, picking up the shirt from where Scaramouche had placed it.

“Obviously?” Scaramouche rolls his eyes. “What else would it be?”

“I don’t know,” You said with a goofy smile. You honestly didn’t think you were going to get a shirt from the concert at all. “Aww, I didn’t know you would do something so nice for me,”

“The fuck makes you think I got it for you? Childe made me get it for myself, but obviously I don’t want it,” Scaramouche crosses his arms.

“Right, but you still gave it to me so…”

“Do you want the shirt or not?”

“Fineee,” You grin. “Thank you, though, really!”

“Whatever,” He said, walking away.

You see Scaramouche again that day. he’s following around Yae Miko… the ceo of the company. You decided it was your job as an intern to stay out of the way.

“Kuni, would you be a dear and reschedule the meeting I have at six to be at seven? And add a spa and nail appointment at five. My nails are getting a bit too long,” Mrs. Miko said as she walks past the various unpaid interns working in the office, who all followed the same rule as many would at a school. Don’t make eye contact and you won’t be called on.

“And then send a message to your mother asking what date she would like to host our next charity event,” Scaramouche passes by your desk with a deadpanned and tired stare, and you figured you were lucky you didn’t have whatever his job was.

“Oh, and once you’re done with that, go ahead and fetch me my order from the coffee shop across the street,” She adds, turning to look at him. “Got it?”

Scaramouche replies with gritted teeth. “Got it,”

It turns out people on the internet tend to eat up whatever content you give them if you put trending audios on the videos you post, however eventually people get a little tired of the sixth books as Taylor swift songs tiktoks you post. It’s not to say that doesn’t work, no, you managed to get quite a following on the brand account.

It isn’t until you came up with a better idea of interviewing authors that the following grew to be something similar to other brands on the app.

Starting off with Kokomi Sangonomiya, author of a ongoing fantasy novel series, many people found interest in the idea of asking questions to their favorite authors and their books. With the success comes a budget and an actual job offering.

It isn’t until you’re sitting with Xingqiu, a young and best selling author, that you realize your relationship with Scaramouche has certainly changed a bit from what it originally was.

You’re given a small space to record, decorated nicely for the author to sit and discuss. You fidget around with the camera settings as it was different from the one you used at home.

A small knock comes and you turn to see Scaramouche standing in the door way with a take out bag.

“Figured you didn’t eat lunch,” He said, placing the bag on an empty table. It was about a month into your internship turned job and you had made a small habit of eating lunch with Scaramouche. It was honestly nice to get to know him outside of streaming.

“Oh! Hi, Scara,” You perk up, pulling away from the camera you were adjusting. "Hiding from your step mom?” You jokingly ask, ignoring that he was right and you actually hadn’t eaten lunch yet.

“Only a little,” He replies. “I got something from the Sumeruan place you like,”

Your face lights up. You forgot you had even mentioned that restaurant to him beforehand.

Xingqiu clears his throat a bit awkwardly.

Right, back to filming….

authors note: being real w u guys im not interested in writing this story anymore so im kinda rushing the plot a lil so i can finish this story so its not left unfinished. also dream mentioned in the first image is a ref to aris's new smau on this blog <3 also this is the 100th post on this blog teehee

☆.｡.:* taglist: @raideneiari @starryeyedkoko @lightlyfeatheredquailqin @thenightsflower @isa-solasun @lilactaro @imdeadlyboredhelp @arizzu @turningfrogsgay @icedmocha1 @feverish-dove @xiaosonlybeloved @sukunasrealgf @eutopiastar @shinunoga-iie-wa @pheonix-eclipse @crueldinasty @sashiette @hotgirlshit5 @certaindreampost @atlaincorrect@aludicpoet@justawalkingdisaster @m3gitsune @mechanicalbeat1 @distinguished-simp @mayacheiko @r4yyyyy @kkazuyass @angelunatic @kunikuzushisbeloved @bubblegum-angelquartz @fangygf @yuyudoesdrugs @kitsuvil @xiaossocksniffer @scarletttcroww @fanficaddictedmushroom @crucnhice @exhaustedcommunist @sleepysoda21 @bubbabobabubbles @kaoyamamegami

#piers writes #scaramouche smau #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x you #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin smau #genshin impact smau #cruel summer : chapters

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hermette-historian · 3 years

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I’ve been watching a huge variety of other mcyt creators lately (people that I had never heard of until I just started a deep dive down the rabbit hole), in order to more or less get a feel for where the community is today in terms of culture outside of the HC/Empires/Legacy/DSMP/their respective spinoffs group we tend to fixate on. These will be herefore referred to as our spotlight series.

I started this post just intending to make a joke about how excited I get whenever I see someone use a clip of a Hermit in their video as an example or a reaction (I’ve seen Gemini’s building timelapse from god-knows-when and about two frames of S7 Keralis from a TikTok so far) but I suppose I may as well present my findings because as always, I’ve taken notes.

I took a group of creators at complete random from the Minecraft topic page and a deep dive down the related algorithm. This is by no means a perfectly random sample of the community, but I feel it is a good show of what the YouTube algorithm is choosing to show a random viewer (I did clear all cookies and my watch history for that profile before I started). In total, my analysis includes a group of ~50 creators ranging from 10K to 3M subscribers; In order to keep track, I did subscribe to all of them. RIP my sub feed that I definitely don’t ever use anyway.

Here’s What I Found.

Demographics. While the spotlight series seem to have made large strides in the progress of inclusivity in the past few years, I’m saddened to report that the greater community does not appear to follow this trend. Every creator in my sample group was a man, and with the exception of one that I know to be black and a small handful that I suspect may be of Asian identities a very large majority are clearly white. They also all appeared to be between the ages of 15 and 30, but this is expected of people getting their start in mcyt within the last few years. A large majority contained sponsorships.

Content. Because I didn’t go in with the intention of doing a deep dive analysis but just out of my own curiosity, I had few expectations regarding what kind of content these creators would be putting out. And while there were certainly some obvious correlations and trends, I was impressed by the range that I saw. By far the biggest genres were mod videos and 100 days challenges, usually combined and always in hardcore mode. I know this to be the biggest trend on the platform right now so it wasn’t by any means surprising-just a data point. Other prevalent types included informational videos (have been around forever and are still relevant) reaction videos (ranging from cute to nostalgic to pure secondhand embarrassment fuel) some variation on Manhunt (not near as common as you would think) and a genre I like to call spotlight analysis (commentaries on any of the spotlight series, explaining or analyzing them in various levels of detail). Mr. Beast gets his own category, since he showed up just enough toward the end that I was concerned he would ruin my data. I also stumbled across two full-fledged SMPs for which I found multiple creators. One was an anarchy server called the LifeSteal SMP that is pretty much what exactly what the name implies and looked like fun, but was brought to its knees by cheaters and shady admins. The other was an idyllic society that I don’t believe actually has a name, characterized by big, beautiful builds (the pirate ship was particularly gorgeous) and harmless prankage.

Quality. I was seriously impressed by the video production quality of some of the smaller channels. Many of the 100 days challenges had thoroughly crafted lore behind them, voice acting, replay mod timelapses and cinematic shots. I would consider a large majority of the videos well-edited, the audio quality overall was clear and professional—these people clearly take pride in their work. There were a few glaring traits, however, that separate them from what I feel set the spotlight series apart. 100%, and I mean 100%, of the videos were voiceovers. Zero live commentary. I have no idea why this is the popular stylistic choice—I would guess it has something to do with the 100 days challenges—but I will emphasize that it does not work for every video format. It causes the second issue I found: scripted voiceovers. If you’re reading from a script, it sounds like you’re reading from a a script. Sometimes this works. Most of the time it becomes a monotone news report that can be hard to watch.

In conclusion, I’ve found that the greater mcyt community is thriving just as much as it was ten years ago albeit differently. There are some trends that will never go away, some creators whose legacies will never die. I do think there is room for improvement and variety, but I don’t think it’s fair to reduce smaller creators to teenaged dsmp copycats. It’s worth branching out and looking for something new. It’s also worth creating it yourself.

Go forth, my dear time travelers, and find something new.

[drops mic] Wynnie out.

#mcyt #not hc #why do I always write these essays right before class #I have a quiz to take goddamnit #but I hope you are all enjoying my spontaneous essays #because I find the flying by the seat of my pants style of writing rather thrilling

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tuiccim · 3 years

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TikTok Trend: #ItsSettled

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 1653

Warnings: Angst, language

Summary: Work at Anvil yields results and dangerous temptation.

A/N: Divider by @whimsicalrogers

TikTok Trend Series Masterlist

You sit across from Billy in his office and prop your feet on his desk while giving him a shit eating grin.

“So, what’s this offer, Mr. Russo?”

“Consulting on an as needed basis for training, security, so on.” Billy’s dark eyes stare into your own.

Despite feeling insulted, you keep your expression benign. You had expected a job offer and had planned to counter with consulting. “I told you, my consulting fee is hefty.”

“That’s not a problem. Plus, I don’t think it's the right time for you to be leaving the Avengers and I think you feel the same.”

“Mind reader now, are we?” You smirk.

“Not usually. There are so many things going on here and with the Avengers. I think you’d like to keep a finger in both pies for the time being.” Billy returns your smirk.

“I don’t fuck my employers. Mixing business and pleasure only causes trouble.” You counter.

“That’s disappointing but, as much as I’d like to take you to bed, you’re worth more to me as an asset.”

“Then it’s settled.” You stand and shake Billy’s hand. This was going to be fun.

A few weeks into your consulting position and you had already improved several of Anvil’s procedures. Billy was quite pleased with your progress. You had earned his trust, proven your loyalty, and was now a trusted member of his team. He had fed your disdain for Steve and Tony, as well as the entire situation with Bucky. He hated the Avengers and was glad to bring you into the fold.

Finished with running a training exercise that day, you had just dismissed the team you were working with when you felt a breath fan across your neck.

“Watching you take down men twice your size almost makes me regret employing you.” Billy says. He often flirts this way.

You lean back into him and look over your shoulder, “But then your business wouldn’t be running so damn smooth.”

“And my cock wouldn’t be so achingly hard all the time.” Billy whispers in your ear.

“Mmmm,” you release a small moan and rub your hips against him, “then may I suggest a cold shower?” You laugh as you pull away and finish stowing gear.

“Fucking tease.” Billy chuckles.

“Absolutely.” You smile as you unzip your tac suit just enough to give a peek of your breasts.

“I have a job for you.” Billy’s voice is gravelly.

“What would that be?” You hop up on a crate to sit. Billy immediately positions himself between your legs and cages you with his arms.

“I need some intel.” Billy states while bringing his lips to your neck.

“On?” You lean your head to give him access.

“Carl Creel.”

“And who is he?” You whisper as Billy’s lips travel up and down your neck as he speaks.

“A bad guy. I just need some info on him. Stark and SHIELD have dealt with him in the past. I believe Stark even ran some tests on his abilities.” Billy’s teeth scrape against your skin deliciously.

“And how, mmmm, how am I supposed to get that to you? Everything is encrypted and shielded from leaving the Tower.”

“Put it on this thumb drive and hand it off to Benjamin Poindexter in R&D. He works for Stark and can get it out of the building undetected.” Billy says.

You pull back and look at Billy, “Will it piss Tony off if you apprehend this guy?”

“Immensely.”

“Consider it done.” You grin.

You head to a meeting with the Avengers team, but when you get to the meeting room, a different one than normal, the door is locked.

“No electronics. All devices must be checked.” FRIDAY announces. A drawer pops out of the wall. You place your phone and tablet in it and turn expectantly to the console. “Your watch also, Agent.” Friday pronounces. You roll your eyes before removing the watch and dropping it in as well. The door buzzes and you are finally allowed entry.

“Good, we’re all here.” Steve says from inside the room.

“What is this room?” You ask as you look around at Tony, Steve, Natasha, Bucky, Sharon, Sam, and Artie.

“It’s entirely shielded. Nothing electronic can get in or out. No cameras, no audio, nothing.” Tony smirks. “Since we know who our mole is now we can’t have this meeting in the conference room.”

“So, we can say or do anything in here without it getting out?” You ask to be sure.

“Exactly.” Tony says. “We need to make plans.”

“Yeah, yeah. One minute.” You say as you walk to Bucky. Jumping into his arms, you crash your lips into his.

Bucky’s chest rumbles with a chuckle and once you pull back he grins, saying “Hi Doll.”

“Hey baby.” You whisper against his lips.

Steve clears his throat loudly causing you and Bucky to laugh.

“Shut it, Punk. We haven’t been able to even be in the same room for weeks. Give us two minutes.” Bucky grouses at his best friend.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Sorry.” Steve says.

“I still don’t think the two of you dating is the best idea.” Artie pipes in. You and Bucky both flip him off while sharing another kiss.

When you finally separate, you turn to Sharon, “Hey, friend, how are you doing?”

“Good. Been dating a really sweet guy, but I think he’s interested in someone else.” Sharon winks at you.

“Thanks for doing this. I know the publicity wasn’t really what you wanted.” You say.

“Just one of those things. I don't mind you owing me a favor.” Sharon smirks.

“Actually, the polling on you two dating is extremely favorable, Agent Carter.” Artie announces.

“Artie, shut up.” Steve says as he puts an arm around Sharon. “Hi Beautiful.”

“Hi.” Sharon whispers sweetly to Steve.

Artie groans, “Oh, this is going to be a nightmare.”

You laugh, “No wonder you weren’t so keen when I suggested Sharon date Bucky, Captain.”

Steve looks at you with a little pink tinging his cheeks and shrugs.

You remember the meeting that started this all:

“How bad is this?” Bucky asks.

“I don’t-” your phone ringing cuts you off. Looking down at it, the dreaded name appears, Tony Stark. You look at Bucky as you bring the phone to your ear. “Tony?”

“Both of you, conference room, now!” Tony demands before hanging up abruptly.

“It’s bad. Conference room.” As you make your way to the door, Bucky interlaces his hand with yours, pulls you back for one last kiss, and then leads you out. As soon as the conference room door closes, you eye Tony and Artie Pithins, Director of Public Relations.

Artie looks disdainfully at your joined hands and says, “This ends now.”

“Cam down, Artie. I know this looks bad but we can fix it.” You say.

“Friday, black out mode. You’re supposed to be single. We needed to release the story and make you look bad for this to work.” Tony throws at you.

“This can work out to be even better. Hear me out.” You insist.

“Doll, what the hell is going on? What are you talking about?” Bucy says.

“A mission.” You say.

“We believe we may have a mole and very few people know the specifics of this mission.” Artie says with arms crossed.

“And why would you be in on it?” Bucky asks Artie.

“Necessary optics for it.” Steve says as he enters the room.

“Look, bare minimum, we believe there is a mole working for Billy Russo, owner of Anvil. I was supposed to have some bad PR leaked about me and make it look like I was on the outs with the team in order to get him to try to recruit me.” You turn to the rest of the group, “This can work out even better, I think. Instead of me causing trouble, I could be heartbroken. Hell hath no fury, right? It would make sense that I’d be willing to turn against the team over that and I throw in a few anecdotes about the tightass and the playboy running the team and I’ll have him.”

“Tightass?” Steve grouses.

Tony rolls his eyes at Steve before turning to you, “How does Bucky break your heart?”

“That video will go viral,” Artie chimes in. “It’s bound to, with her popularity and people’s curiosity about Sergeant Barnes. But if, that same week, we see him out with another woman. Say, Natasha? It would play all over the tabloids.”

“Natasha won’t work, Artie. Everyone knows she’s my friend and they’ll see it as a publicity stunt. I think there is only one person that could raise the profile enough.” You look at Steve.

“No.” Steve shakes his head.

“Sharon is perfect. A few dates, some PDA, and then an appearance at the party. It’ll be sold.” You argue.

“I agree.” Artie says.

“Wait, you two actually agreed on something?” Tony looks between you and Artie, the animosity between the two of you well established.

“First time for everything.” You say.

“Why does it have to be Sharon?” Steve says again.

“Because it’ll cause an uproar.” You nearly shout.

“What is happening right now?” Bucky puts his head in his hands.

You look at Bucky and cups his face, “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t tell you about this mission. It was very hush hush. I need to be single to get Billy’s attention. I’m his type and as the newest member of the team he’ll see me as being vulnerable to being turned.”

“This is bullshit.” Bucky says.

The next hour is spent making plans. Bucky is furious at the thought of you dating someone else, but understands the mission comes first. Everyone leaves the conference room worse for wear but with the mission intact.

Now that the mission is nearly complete, you look to your team. “Well, now that we know who the mole is, how are we handling it?”

Part 6

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themurphyzone · 3 years

Text

Nova Ch 11

AN: This is gonna be the last of the set-up chapters. The story will start snowballing (see what I did there? Heehee) from the next chapter on.

This chapter includes an art piece I requested from the talented @plutonis, and I’m so glad I can finally show this off because it contains some very gorgeous colors.

AO3 Link

Ch 11: Spectrum

Terran Date 2015.4.28

Yesterday, Pinky showed me one of his favorite pieces of media to thank me for the story of Heikro var Silda, even though he cried for fifteen minutes because of the tragic ending. While indeed sad, I’m proud to say I remained steadfast and controlled my emotions upon revisiting the story. And while I told him it wasn’t necessary, he insisted and I acquiesced to his demands.

That’s how Pinky introduced me to The Lion King. Once again, I remained strong even when the emotional distress threatened to override my logical mind. It was...rather difficult, I’ll admit. We watched the sequel afterward, and though I’ve created five different charts that list the plot points in order, I cannot come up with a satisfactory sequence of events that connects both movies into a cohesive narrative.

Moving onto real life matters...Pinky seems to be under the impression that I will be a permanent resident of the lab.

Celestial bodies above, what use is my intelligence if I’m trapped among heathen, dimwitted fools who can’t tell the difference between left and right! I refuse to be a lab rat, made to do the so-called dominant species’ bidding. Snowball and I shall be taking over this planet and progressing their backwards society far beyond their wildest dreams! That’s what we came here for, and I will not be sidetracked again.

As for Pinky...well, his imagination can make up some personalities for his inanimate object friends once I leave. He doesn’t have any shortage of those. The newest addition to the crew is an eraser nub with the moniker of ‘Gummy’.

Signing off for now,

The Brain

o-o-o-o-o

Brain saved the new transmission to an encrypted, password-protected file. None of the scientists were technical experts, so the odds of discovery were miniscule or nonexistent. He only had five audio files in total, a meager amount compared to the hundreds of transmissions he’d made back on New Selene. The pointer hovered over the Delete All button. He didn’t have a reason to keep making transmissions when he was leaving the lab behind in just a few days.

Still, he hesitated.

Maybe he could leave it as a memento for Pinky. But even a basic level of encryption and case-sensitive password would remain far beyond Pinky’s capabilities.

Perhaps it was best to leave the issue for another night.

He logged off the computer and joined Pinky, who’d surrounded himself with Gummy and the rest of his inanimate object friends as he played a board game called Monopoly. Though Brain had looked up the rules and goals of the game during his online session out of curiosity, he didn’t really understand the appeal or mass marketability of such an unbalanced game.

Although, given the number of different versions of Monopoly out there, creating and selling his own version of the game with the title of Brainopoly could prove to be a viable plan.

Pinky was playing as if there were four players and not just a free-for-all against a nickel, button, and eraser. It became disturbingly obvious that Pinky was either overly generous or just woefully terrible at mental math, because he continually doled out the wrong amount of money from the bank or his own meager cash pile.

And Pinky was far better off if Brain cut in now, because there was no chance that anyone else was catching up to Gummy, who owned the most lucrative properties and had the largest amount of money.

He had to stop anthropomorphizing these objects. He was starting to think like Pinky, and that was an extremely distressing thought.

“You’re losing to an eraser,” Brain said. Pinky only had a few fives in currency, and the three properties he owned were all flipped over and mortgaged.

“Yeah, Gummy’s just very good at this game! Narf!” Pinky said as he rolled the dice for Mr. Button. “It’s so nice of him to let us sleep in his Marvin Garden Apartments though. Otherwise we’d be homeless!”

“Nice indeed,” Brain replied. For his peace of mind, he didn’t dare press for more details.

Pinky threw the dice, then moved the bucket token seven spaces, landing on the Luxury Tax space. “That’ll be seventy-five dollars, Mr. Button,” Pinky said as he gathered the money, which only totaled sixty. And Mr. Button’s four properties were all mortgaged. Pinky realized this too. “Oh...you don’t have enough. Poit.”

Any normal player would’ve tossed in the towel right there, but Pinky wasn’t a conventional player by any means. He frowned, scratched his head, then picked up his own pile of fives and tossed them onto the sixty, bringing the amount to seventy-five, with two leftover fives for Mr. Button.

“You can have that, Mr. Button!” Pinky chirped as he dumped the luxury tax money in the middle of the board. “With a little more for the bus!”

Pinky had completely knocked himself out of the game.

This was supposed to be an extremely competitive game for families and seasoned professionals, right? Though the rules of Monopoly appeared confusing and controversial to most players, he was certain that nobody would willingly lose with such a reckless method.

Well...maybe it was just a fluke. Pinky was only playing against himself, so if he wanted to give up the money to something he was making the decisions for, that was his choice.

Besides, he couldn’t watch this game much longer.

“I’ll be your next opponent,” Brain announced. He’d never played before, but the basics seemed simple enough. And the math involved was basic arithmetic he could do in his sleep. “Reset the board at once, Pinky.”

Pinky’s tail wagged as he gathered up the houses and hotels and tossed them back into the box, then settled down as he skillfully shuffled the Community Chest and Chance cards. From the way he hummed and twirled around, an outsider could easily mistake Brain for a playmate instead of an opponent.

Brain quickly read over the instruction sheet, then divided the game currency into a starting amount for himself, Pinky, and the bank.

“Can I be in charge of the property cards, Brain?” Pinky asked as he organized them by color.

“Yes, but I shall handle all other banker duties,” Brain said. “Listen closely, Pinky. I’ve looked up stories about Monopoly games going on for a long time with no definitive winner, so we’ll stop the game when one of us runs out of money, or if chance has favored you or I enough that we can place a hotel on the board.”

“Chance always has a problem with favoritism,” Pinky said as he moved the horse token to the Go space. Indeed, chance hasn’t always favored members of either of their species, but it could stand to be more merciful during a board game. He hugged the horse token to his chest. “Anyways, Pharfigtwoton is always my choice! What’s yours?”

Brain didn’t understand how anyone in their right mind would want to play as a wheelbarrow or bucket, and the only pieces that interested him at all were the ones that resembled modes of Terran transportation. In the end, he chose the battleship.

He was tempted to call it the Conquistador Two, but he didn’t want to follow the trend of naming random objects.

“Good one!” Pinky said as he pushed the ship over to the horse token. “A gorgeous ship like this needs a name...so I hereby dub thee Battley McBattleface!”

“We’re calling it the Conquistador Two, and that’s final,” Brain snapped.

“The Conquesodor Two,” Pinky agreed.

They tossed the dice to decide turn order, and Pinky won that battle easily since Brain had the misfortune to roll double ones.

On his first turn, Pinky managed to land on St. Charles Place with a high roll. He happily shelled out the money required to buy the property. “I’m putting a nice dog park here!” he declared, placing the unused dog token in the magenta space above the property. “Now Pharfigtwoton can give rides to all the puppies!”

Brain didn’t know if Monopoly required players to create their own storyline, but it certainly made the game more interesting and baffling at the same time. He rolled the dice, sighing when he could only advance to Reading Railroad.

He hoped it wouldn’t be a trend for Pinky to receive high rolls while he was stuck in the first half of the board.

But he quickly changed his mind once he paid up for Reading Railroad and read through the card information. Just like any real life war or corporate strategy, the key to his victory would lie in controlling the flow of transportation and goods!

Pinky landed on New York on his next turn, rambling about taking all the puppies to New York for a double decker bus tour of the city as he slid a stack of bills to Brain. Brain sighed and tossed an extra twenty bill back at Pinky. He wished Pinky would pay more attention to adding properly than the make-believe puppies.

Brain rolled the dice and moved his battleship to Virginia, claiming the property so Pinky couldn’t control one-fourth of the board this early in the game.

“Brain, can I have a house?” Pinky asked as he drew a Community Chest card. He read through the card and grinned. “Awww, I got second in a beauty pageant! Thank you, everyone! It’s such an honor! Oh, and it says I also won ten dollars.”

“You don’t meet the conditions required for a house, Pinky,” Brain said, giving Pinky a ten. He didn’t care about the fake beauty pageant, just that money was either gained or lost depending on luck of the draw.

“Oh, I’ll keep them off the board,” Pinky promised. “I just want a house for Terry to live in.”

He held up the dog token, who was now apparently called Terry.

“Fine, but don’t mix your ridiculous fantasies with the board,” Brain sighed and tossed a green house at Pinky, which smacked him in the head when he didn’t catch it in time. Pinky laughed it off and coaxed Terry to stand next to the house.

Houses and hotels. His Internet searches on the Clarkes led to tons of websites on the Terran real estate market and hotel industry.

Which reminded Brain that he hadn’t shared his research into the Clarkes with Pinky yet. There hadn’t been enough time during the day, where the incompetent scientists poked and prodded them. And in Brain’s case, tried to figure out where the antennae came from.

Their hypotheses, and he was being exceedingly generous when he described their speculation and conspiracy theories as hypotheses, amounted to claiming a Terran mouse and insect had reproduced together.

“I’ve brushed up on the Clarkes so we can properly impersonate them at the party. According to-scrik!” Brain hissed under his breath when he landed on New York and had to pay Pinky.

“Sixteen please!” Pinky chirped. “All proceeds will go to buying toys and treats for good dogs in need!”

Brain grudgingly gave up the sixteen. Probability was not on his side tonight. “As I was saying before cruel fate reared its ugly head, the man I shall impersonate, Anthony Clarke, is an esteemed real estate and luxury hotel mogul, with a net worth in the billions. His success is rooted in savvy, ruthless business against competitors. It appears that he and Lamont are old college acquaintances, which we can spin to our advantage. And...yes! B&O Railroad!”

He claimed the B&O Railroad for himself, and Pinky wrinkled his nose. “I wouldn’t ride on the Body Odor Railroad even if you pay me in cheese,” he said.

Brain rolled his eyes. “The temptation for cheese is too powerful for your empty mind and bottomless stomach.”

“You’re right, Brain. It’s too yummy.” Pinky licked his lips. “So does that make me Mrs. Zoey Clarke then? Unless he divorced her already. I haven’t kept up with them in a while.” The butler on the phone had made a similar comment, thoroughly expecting ‘Mr. Clarke’ to divorce his spouse by the end of the week.

“So you’re aware of the Clarkes,” Brain said. He rolled the dice, and chance immediately sentenced him to jail. He had to push his battleship all the way to the jail space.

But all of this divorcing nonsense was trivial to his goals. Hardly worth a footnote.

The objective was to infiltrate the party, mingle with the guests to throw off suspicion, then steal the military weapon and take over the world, not involve himself in a Terran’s relationship drama.

“Ooh, tough.” Pinky clicked his tongue in sympathy as he bought Waterworks. “But everyone knows who the Clarkes are. Didn’t you see anything about all those divorces when you looked them up?”

“I’m more interested in his business ventures than his messy personal life,” Brain replied. “All this talk about divorce is simply incidental. But now I digress. Escaping jail so I may continue my conquering campaign is of utmost priority.”

“Doubles! Doubles!” Pinky chanted as Brain threw the dice. A two and three faced up, but no doubles. Pinky deflated, but only for a moment. Then he picked up a fifty. “Here, Brain. I’ll bail you out.”

From Brain’s brief skim over the rules, he didn’t recall a single one that allowed players to bail each other out of jail. He wanted to refuse and tell Pinky to focus on winning for himself, but obtaining Pennsylvania Railroad, which he’d missed the first time he’d passed through this section of the board, was just too tempting.

Brain took the fifty from Pinky, put it in the bank, then moved his battleship out of jail and used his draining resources to buy Pennsylvania Railroad. Only afterward did he realize that he’d been steadily losing money every turn and hadn’t gained anything since the beginning of the game.

Contrast to Pinky, who rolled a twelve and skipped over the last fourth of the board, placing him squarely on the Go space and guaranteeing himself a free two hundred. Then he rolled a low number and bought Mediterranean.

A poor investment, given that it was hardly worth anything. But Pinky didn’t think so.

And he wouldn’t stop cooking up new fantasies either. “Now we can host a beach jubilee for your welcome home from jail party! With hot dogs and beach balls and those big umbrellas and-”

Brain lobbed the dice at Pinky so he’d quiet down and allow Brain to formulate a strategy in peace.

Perhaps a pass around the board without purchasing anything would be necessary. He had to rebuild his financial resources again. The downside was that Pinky could potentially take the spaces for himself, but it was entirely possible that he’d miss some of the open spaces too.

So he did just that, finally lucking out when a Community Chest card sent Pinky to Reading Railroad.

But Pinky was incapable of keeping his mouth shut, and soon he was back on the topic of the infamous Clarke divorces.

“-so I think Zoey is number eleven, and I know they all blend together, so when I confuse them I just remember divorce, beheaded, died, divorce, beheaded, survived!”

Brain stared at Pinky, praying to all the ancient Selenian gods nobody believed in anymore that Snowball didn’t have him take the identity of a murderer.

“Oh wait no, no...that’s King Henry, not Clarke. Must’ve mixed them up, poit. Sorry.”

Brain threw another green house at Pinky, nailing him in the shoulder. Pinky yelped, but once he realized he had another house he immediately thanked Brain because that meant Terry’s friend could move next door.

Since there was little point to dissuading Pinky entirely, Brain focused on his game strategy instead.

It was mostly repetition anyway. Roll dice, move piece, board event, repeat. Perhaps it would be considered tedious and monotonous, but the storylines Pinky improvised were what truly made it fascinating, even though Brain could only follow about half of it since Pinky created plotholes within the fantastical yet mundane place named Monopoly City faster than the speed of light.

According to Pinky, he and his sister co-ran an enormous pet supply shop attached to a humane animal shelter next door to the dog park. Meanwhile, Brain was conductor of a magical train and seeking the mayorship because the corrupt mayor was involved with an evil cigarette corporation who wanted to diabolically sell their products to innocent children.

And while Pinky certainly had a knack for improvisation, the matter at hand was that Brain couldn’t resist buying Boardwalk, but he’d used up a third of his money and Pinky wasn’t landing there to make up for the deficit. But Brain also had Baltic, the least valuable property, and Pinky had Park Place, which Brain desperately needed since neither of them had houses on the board yet.

This wasn’t going to be a fair trade for Pinky, but it was the best chance Brain had to etch out a victory. He was going for it.

“Park for Baltic so we can finally build some residences,” Brain said, sliding the card over to Pinky.

And to his surprise, Pinky jumped at the opportunity. “Sure, Brain! If you’ll trade me Oriental for Marvin Gardens. We’re gonna open a Chinatown district!”

He’d be giving Pinky control of the first quarter of the board, but the allure of the most expensive properties was far too tempting to pass up.

They swapped properties, then paused the game to set up their houses. Brain didn’t have enough money to buy houses for all his properties, so he set two houses on Boardwalk and hoped he could deal a staggering blow to Pinky’s finances. And even this decision was costly, for he only had $180 left.

Pinky set four houses on Baltic and clapped his hands together. “They’re beach houses,” he explained, and didn’t bother putting houses on the rest of his properties even though he could afford it.

Brain kept his mouth shut. Best not to give Pinky ideas. So he rolled the dice and got doubles.

Luxury Tax.

Scrik.

Now he was down to $105. But he’d pass Go on his next turn, so he could obtain an extra two hundred and hopefully skip this portion of the board.

Then he landed on Baltic.

He slowly looked at Pinky, and Brain couldn’t tell if Pinky was being perfectly innocent or just very, very good at pretending to be perfectly innocent. “That’ll be $320 please,” Pinky said.

Including the two hundred from passing Go, he’d only have a grand total of $305.

And according to the conditions he’d set, he’d lost the game through losing all his money.

“Can’t pay it,” Brain sighed. “Congratulations, Pinky. You’ve bested me.”

Pinky giggled and threw his play money in the air in celebration. “Aw, thanks for playing with me! I’ve never played Monopoly with anyone before. Never been able to get the board to Pharfignewton’s stable without the play money flying all over the street. It took me a long time to pick it all up. We should definitely do this again, Brain! Troz!”

But there wouldn’t be a next time. No matter how much he wanted to be victorious in another match against Pinky.

“Yes, we should,” Brain forced out, willing his racing heart to calm down so he wasn’t caught in his lie.

Pinky beamed, and Brain only wished it wasn’t so difficult to explain.

o-o-o-o-o

Terran Date 4.29.2015

Tonight, we shall seek appropriate outfits for the masquerade ball. I have been informed that my jumpsuit is not considered formal attire and that we will need to shop for proper clothing. However, I will be bringing my jumpsuit along since I will not return to the lab, and I require my conquering outfit to carry out our plans.

Pinky knows a place that may contain what we need. He’s spent the last two hours finishing his hat for the Kentucky Derby and has proudly shown off the finished product to me. Though I’ll admit that the result can only be considered a hat if one is generous with their definition.

I have not been able to contact Snowball. I can only assume he’s making the necessary preparations on his end.

Signing off for now,

The Brain

o-o-o-o-o

They stood in front of an enormous building with bright neon letters, impossible to miss even with his direction-challenged companion. Thankfully, it was only a few blocks from the lab. After the scientists strapped him to a machine that tested centrifugal force, he didn’t have the energy to walk much further.

“Welcome to Toyz ‘B’ We, Brain!” Pinky exclaimed, and Brain cringed at the horrendous grammar of that name. “It's the most wonderfulest toy shop ever!”

Wonderfulest wasn’t a word, but Brain was given no time to inform Pinky of that fact before Pinky dragged him to the entrance, where a large, cartoonish statue of a Terran bee stood off to the side, greeting customers with a cheerful wave of her magic wand.

“So that’s the mascot, Becky Bee,...let’s see, those are the shopping carts and the baskets and those machines that give you washable tattoos-”

“Focus on the clothing, Pinky. Not all the extraneous material,” Brain reminded him as they entered the store. Unlike their disastrous mall trip, Brain had brought along a source of money, an ACME credit card one of the scientists had carelessly left at their desk after purchasing a chair online.

They had a right to use the card as ACME employees who never got paid for their hard labor in experiments. And he promised Pinky he’d give it back once they were through purchasing the necessary items, so it didn’t catch on that pesky ‘no stealing’ radar.

Based on Pinky’s descriptions of the store, he expected an interior full of wonder, excitement, and interesting objects designed for enjoyment for young Terrans.

Instead, everything was a sterile white, yellow, or black. Rectangular kits of building blocks of all shapes and sizes sat neatly in a row, their price tags dusty as if they hadn’t been moved or cleaned in some time.

Dozens of bee models hung from the ceiling rafters, all of them sharing the exact same dead stare and pose. The whole setup was rather unnerving, and Brain averted his eyes.

He spotted two workers at the registers. They scrolled through their phones, not noticing Pinky’s cheerful greeting as he skipped past them. A third worker called out in alarm to them, and they suddenly dropped their phones and picked up rags, repetitively wiping their counters in circles in a poor attempt to appear busy.

The only one who acted like they were in a store meant for entertainment was Pinky, who oohed and ahhed and zigzagged all over the place to get a look at all the toys.

“Brain, look at this Barbie convertible! It’s so sparkly!” Pinky exclaimed before darting off to admire the box art on five-hundred piece jigsaw puzzles, then crawled onto the lowest shelf to hug a life-sized chihuahua plushie. “Narf! This one’s a cutie! And I also like the polka-dotted lizard, that green unicorn, and that rainbow koala looks really soft too-”

Brain grabbed Pinky’s tail, yanking him out of the shelf and onto the floor.

“This store’s already eroding whatever’s left of your mind,” Brain said, dragging Pinky away from the stuffed animals.

Pinky propped himself up on his elbows, humming as they passed aisle upon aisle of action figures, balls, and building blocks.

It was strange how they seemed to be the only customers here. Shouldn’t there be more snot-nosed brats running amok or haggard parents corralling them so they didn’t destroy everything with their grubby hands?

Still, perhaps he shouldn’t complain.

It was a relief that he didn’t have to worry about people trampling him underfoot for now.

But the peace didn’t last long, since Pinky suddenly peeled away in a completely different direction, forgetting that Brain was hanging onto his tail. Though he tried to dig his heels in, Pinky was too fast and the floor too slippery for Brain to bring them to a halt.

Then Pinky stopped on his own, and Brain only caught a glimpse of a metallic table leg before he crashed face-first into it, his nose smarting from the impact.

“Sorry, Brain,” Pinky said sheepishly, and there were five upside-down images of him. Brain swatted at the one in the middle, but his hand hit empty air instead. He shook his head to clear his vision, and all but the Pinky on the far left vanished.

Pinky didn’t stay put for long, darting past Brain. He hauled himself up the table leg and onto a light blue tablecloth. “You have to come up and see this, Brain!” Pinky squealed, peering over the edge of the table, his tail wagging beside him. “There’s an entire fence made of Legos here!”

Brain sighed, wondering if it was an exercise in futility to get Pinky to focus on the task at hand. “This is the last time I’ll repeat myself!” Brain shouted as he climbed up to retrieve Pinky. “We’re here for the clothes and-”

Though Brain only took fifteen seconds to ascend, Pinky managed to don a cropped, checkered top that showed off his slender stomach and a very short blue skirt in that short timeframe.

“Well, what do you think?” Pinky giggled and twirled in circles, the skirt flying in a graceful arc around his waist. “I could go square dancin’ in this, pardner! Yee-narf!”

Realizing he’d been staring at Pinky’s exposed stomach rather than making proper eye contact, Brain quickly turned away and pretended to find a row of small toy cars interesting. Next to the toy cars, there was a menagerie of small, plastic animals penned in by a colorful fence.

Part of a garden themed jigsaw puzzle served as a lawn under his feet, the pieces leading up to an enormous pink dollhouse.

Pinky took off the clothes he’d tried on, neatly threading a bent wire through the crop top and skirt and hanging them on a piece of string that served as a makeshift clothesline. There were five different clotheslines, each stocked to the brim with a variety of colorful articles.

Brain thumbed through the selection, though he didn’t feel an attachment to any of these pieces. While these clothes were designed for toys, most of them were still too big for him.

Finding something that would fit would be more difficult than he realized.

There was a large empty space past all the clotheslines, but it seemed it would be filled in soon enough. The display had all the signs of being a work in progress, and Brain couldn’t help but wonder who had the patience to put all this together. Certainly not the bored workers at the registers.

It was a welcome splash of creativity from the rest of the dull store.

“Poit. This is exactly how I imagined my dream home to be,” Pinky said in awe. He walked up to the front door and popped it open, revealing a spacious interior. Brain followed Pinky inside and they explored the first floor together, which contained a kitchen, living room, and a playroom.

“I really like the coloring on those kitchen cabinets, and the fireplace is a great touch! Very retro. And the kiddies will have a grand ol’ time in the playroom,” Pinky said as they climbed the staircase to the second floor and walked through two bedrooms and a bathroom.

“Marble countertops would make the kitchen and bathroom more refined,” Brain argued. Really, did Pinky want any visitors to think uncivilized brutes owned the house? “But the fireplace is a welcome touch.”

Pinky shrugged as they entered the master bedroom. “It’s fine as is. Now if the backyard was bigger with a dolphin-shaped swimming pool, that would be really, really amazing!”

And Brain preferred marble countertops, but since he wouldn’t be getting everything he wanted, neither would Pinky.

Brain sat on the large bed that took up half the room, the fluffy covers soft and welcoming. But they were on a mission, and future world rulers didn’t roll around on beds in an undignified manner, no matter how tempting it was.

Pinky threw open the closet doors, revealing more clothing inside. “Oh, these pajamas are lovely!” he said, pressing a yellow nightgown close to his body.

“Anything that would suit our purposes?” Brain asked. In hindsight, doing some research into what people wore for masquerade balls would’ve been helpful. He didn’t know why it slipped his mind. Perhaps Pinky’s scatterbrained traits were contagious.

“Hmmm, it’s all pajamas and casual wear,” Pinky said, flicking through the different articles. He closed the doors and reopened them, as if the formal wear would magically appear if they were out of sight. “No suits for you or the porpoises, Brain.” And he’d been so hopeful too.

“Maybe we can find something in the aisles,” Pinky said.

A sensible suggestion, for once.

Brain tried not to appear reluctant to leave the bed, but necessity demanded it. As he stood up, the fur on his neck pricked, his ears twitching towards the large window in the bedroom.

An odd sense that he was being watched came over him, and when he turned to look at the window, he saw a Terran’s eye peering into the balcony.

They stared at each other.

Then the eye blinked.

And Brain was suddenly very, very glad Snowball wasn’t here to bear witness, or he’d never hear the end of how he’d leapt onto Pinky’s back in his moment of panic.

Pinky yelped, and so did the Terran outside the window. There were several loud thuds, followed by a frantic apology.

Brain released Pinky, rubbing his face to get rid of the blush as he ran down the staircase and out the front door.

“S-sorry!” a young woman stammered as she bent down to pick up several packages of toys, only to lose her large glasses on the floor in the process. She wore the standard uniform of the store. “I didn’t think anyone would be inside! I thought one of the furniture pieces fell over, that’s all!”

Pinky hopped down from the table, picking up the woman’s glasses and pressing them into her hand. “It’s okay!” he chirped. “You scared us good, but now we can laugh about it! Oh, your name tag says Sharon! What a lovely name! I’m Pinky, that chubby alien up there is Brain, and we’re going to a party this weekend where we’ll raise awareness for the plight of frosted animal crackers!”

“That’s not the event’s objective,” Brain corrected, and he had no choice but to let Pinky come to his own conclusions. Stealing the secret weapon on Lamont property would remain classified information as promised. “And if you call me chubby again, I shall have to hurt you.”

Sharon took her glasses from Pinky with a tentative smile, then let him climb up her arm and onto her shoulder. “Zort! You have very good taste in Polly Pocket dolls!” Pinky said, peering down at the packages in her hands. “Do you collect?”

Sharon blushed. “I, um, have a lot of Beanie Babies at home. I’m not really interested in Polly Pockets, but they’d fit much better in this display than a standard Barbie.” She glanced at Brain. “I’m sorry, could you please move? I’m putting a few things in that area.”

Brain moved out of the way as Sharon carefully opened the packages. Then she placed several small tables and chairs in the empty space next to the clotheslines, bending the dolls’ legs into sitting positions and placing them on the chairs. She worked slowly and diligently, taking great caution to not knock anything over or break the items.

“Did you make all this?” Pinky asked. “It’s amazing!”

“Y-yeah, I did. The display, I mean. Not the toys.” Sharon didn’t look at Pinky as she straightened one of the Lego fences. “Store’s been on the decline, and because there’s not really much to do, I’m trying to create a few displays to generate some interest. The toys in this one were supposed to be thrown away since nobody’s buying them, even on clearance, but it just seemed so wasteful.”

She was resourceful. It was a valuable trait, but she seemed more embarrassed than anything.

“Take pride, Sharon. It’s an excellent use of parts,” Brain advised.

Pinky nodded eagerly. “And you’re saving the toys from the evil furnace! I’m sure they’re very grateful to you when you’re not looking!”

“You...you really like it?” Sharon lifted her glasses and wiped a tear from her eye. “Nobody’s ever really noticed my efforts around here.”

“Well, they should!” Pinky declared. “I’ll tell them so myself!”

Sharon smiled as Pinky hugged her face, then rejoined Brain on the table. “Thanks, but I don’t think you came to this store just to invade a toy home.”

“No, we didn’t,” Brain said, seeing his opportunity and seizing it. “We require formal clothes for a masquerade ball, and unfortunately, we haven’t seen anything of interest yet.”

“There’s plenty of interesting things in here, Brain,” Pinky said. “Like the busybody bees up on the ceiling!”

Apparently they had two very different definitions of interesting.

“Well, I can bring out some items from the back,” Sharon offered. “We had to pull the entire line of formal Zuma Ben accessories last week. Some parents found the outfits a little scandalous for their kids, so now the accessories are just going in the trash. But maybe you’ll find something to wear from the pile. Be right back, guys!” She walked away, her steps growing slightly more confident.

“Real Zuma Ben accessories?” Pinky clasped his hands to his cheek. “I’ve never worn anything like that before!”

“It’s just a name,” Brain said. He didn’t see why Pinky was treating Zuma Ben’s name like a sacred object. “As long as we’re dressed to impress, the name doesn’t matter.”

“I just think they’re pretty,” Pinky replied. “And I like looking at them, even if I can’t buy anything. Still, I’m really happy with the clothes I have now.”

But Pinky had a sizable wardrobe. Those clothes had to come from somewhere.

“So how did you obtain your clothes if you never bought them?” Brain asked.

Pinky smiled. “The scientists. They’ll drop clothes into my cage, which is really nice of them! One time, I put on this pretty sundress they gave me and I started itching really bad. I was jumping around like a tiny monkey and I managed to make them all laugh! I must’ve been quite the sight!”

Pinky laughed at the memory, but Brain was more disturbed at how the blatant act of humiliation didn’t affect him in the slightest. Then the laugh faltered and restarted at a higher pitch.

No, that initial assessment was wrong. True, Pinky could withstand many things, but not even the most resilient being could tolerate the sound of mockery for long.

Should he say something? Was an ‘I’m sorry’ sufficient? Was there any act of comfort that didn’t involve unnecessary physical contact?

Brain wanted to be decisive, but dozens of scenarios played out in his head, and none of them led to a satisfactory outcome. Tell Pinky to cease his laughter, embrace him, talk about the weather. He didn’t know.

Emotions led to nothing but trouble.

“Quit staring,” Brain snapped when Pinky wouldn’t stop watching him like he wanted something.

Pinky’s ears fell, but Sharon came back before the pang of guilt could fully settle in Brain’s stomach.

“Thanks for waiting, guys,” Sharon said as she dumped the accessory packages onto the table. “See anything you like?”

“All of them!” Pinky declared, happily tossing a three-pack of formal dresses into the air. He tried tearing it open, but the packaging wouldn’t give. Sharon helpfully tore it open for him, and Pinky made a happy, grateful sound before pulling a sparkly purple dress over his body. He twirled around. “So how do I look?”

“Lovely,” Sharon giggled as she pulled out her phone. She set it against the Lego fence, allowing Pinky to see himself in the camera app.

“I’ll put this as a maybe,” Pinky said. “But I have to give all the dresses a chance too!”

He tried four other dresses on in quick succession, and all of them went into the maybe pile.

Meanwhile, Brain searched through his choices of men’s formal wear. He wanted the best possible option for successful infiltration, but he didn’t know much about Terran fashion. His nose wrinkled at a powdered blue suit with far too many ruffles. He was fairly certain that wouldn’t garner respect on any planet, so he pushed the offending pack away from his other options.

The pure white suit would get stained too easily. He needed something darker. That one was out.

“Hey Brain, what about this one?” Pinky asked. He now wore a long sleeved lime green dress, which Brain found extremely tacky and unappealing to the eyes. Not even Pinky could salvage that monstrosity. Yet in Pinky’s hands, there was a black suit with a white shirt underneath. Not extravagant by any means, but since the coloration was similar to his conquering attire, it was the most probable choice by far.

But while Pinky was comfortable with changing in front of others, Brain wasn’t so keen on the idea.

“I require privacy,” Brain said. He took the suit from Pinky and went inside the house, shutting the door behind him and ensuring the shutters were closed.

Then he removed his gloves and jumpsuit, shivering from the cold air as he laid the items over a chair. He put on the new set of pants first, then the white collared shirt, and finally buttoned the jacket over his abdomen.

Well, it was comfortable. And it hid most of his stomach too, which was also a positive. But he needed to see how it looked in the light before making a judgment call, so he rejoined Pinky and Sharon, who were playing with different filters on her phone while Pinky wore a magnificent feathery pink dress.

“Now you really look like a flamingo,” Sharon laughed as Pinky changed the filter to sepia, the image now different shades of tan. Pinky blew a kiss to the camera. “This one’s my favorite so far,” Pinky declared with a graceful curtsey.

And the sleeveless feathery dress did seem to match his personality much better than all the other dresses. Flamboyant and quirky, but inviting and friendly as well. A darker pink feather boa was draped over his shoulders, and purple feathers fanned out from the back of his neck. A light green choker was wrapped around his neck. Then Pinky added a matching headband with a light pink tuft to complete the ensemble.

“That will certainly make an excellent first impression on the partygoers,” Brain said.

Pinky changed the phone filter back to normal with one hand, playing with the feather boa in his other. “Egad, you really think so?” he exclaimed. “Hold on a sec, Brain. Where’s the rest of your outfit?”

“Rest of?” Brain echoed. “This doesn’t require anything else.”

Pinky shook his head and dug a red bow and matching sash out of the clothes pile. “You need a few splashes of color, Brain! Or you’ll just end up a sad wilty wallflower!”

“They’d really match your circles,” Sharon added.

Well, he’d always looked good in red. It was a bold, attention-grabbing color.

Brain draped the sash over his shoulder and fastened the bow around his ear, checking himself over in Sharon’s phone. Then Pinky and Sharon started giggling for some odd reason.

“What?” Brain asked. He was presentable at a formal event now, wasn’t he?

“You’re kinda wearing it wrong,” Sharon admitted.

His ears flattened from embarrassment. Selenians typically wore practical jumpsuits with minimal accessories, and none of their databanks ever mentioned Terran outfits. They must’ve found it unimportant.

“Don’t worry, Brain. It’s an easy fix! May I?” Pinky exclaimed.

Brain nodded his permission, and Pinky removed the bow from Brain’s ear and carefully fastened it underneath his collar, taking great care to not pull the bow too tightly around his neck.

“So this isn’t a sash. It’s a cummerbund and you wear it around your stomach,” Pinky explained as he demonstrated the proper way to wear it. It was relieving to know Terrans made accessories that would hide the slight bulge, and Brain donned the cummerbund correctly.

The accessories really did match his orbs. For the first time, he was dressed to the nines and it was a glorious feeling indeed.

“Aw, you’re both so spiffy!” Sharon exclaimed. “Mind if I put a photo of this on the Twitter page to boost some interest?”

“We’ll return the favor,” Brain said. She deserved some reward for helping them out anyway.

Sharon turned her phone around, ready to snap the picture when Pinky suddenly darted out of frame. “Hold on! Narf!” he cried, shoving a small blue butterfly-themed mask into Brain’s hands and flipping a pink feathery mask over his face. “It’s a masquerade ball, you know!”

While Brain’s mask only covered the area around his eyes, Pinky’s face was mostly hidden by his birdlike mask, leaving only his bright blue eyes exposed.

“Doesn’t that tickle?” Brain inquired as Pinky stretched his boa out for a picture.

Pinky shrugged. “A little. But I don’t mind!”

“Smile for the camera, you guys!” Sharon grinned.

Brain didn’t smile, but he stood in front of the toy house while Sharon snapped pictures and Pinky struck a different pose with every shot.

Pinky’s laughter rang joyously in Brain’s ears.

He would leave that sound behind in just a few days. But it was a small price to pay for the world.

End AN: Maybe this chapter is a little disjointed, but oh well. Sharon is based off the toy store worker who helps the mice in Brain’s Night Off.

I tried to do the math for the Monopoly game and even pulled out my Monopoly property cards so I could get the amounts correct, but if anything is inaccurate I am hereby excused from responsibility because I am a writer and not a mathematician. Yes i use that excuse every time but it’s true.

Brain's outfit comes from the tuxedo he wore in the reboot's Future Brain episode. Pluto designed Pinky's outfit herself (somehow we both were thinking lots of pink feathers for Pinky) and deserves all the credit for it cause it's so beautiful. I chose a butterfly mask for Brain and a flamingo theme for Pinky.

#pinky and the brain #patb fanfiction #patb nova

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nerdified · 3 years

Text

Procedural Notes: Patient #3 (FKA Hugo Jensen)

NOTE: [At the time of this audio recording, Mr. Hugo Jensen (NKA Norville Nerdlinger) has just begun the process, and is restrained. The identity of the speaker is unknown. This transcript is reproduced here in order to assist with identification of this man, who has since disappeared, absconding with an undisclosed amount of the process agonist. Efforts to locate him have, to date, been fruitless. If anyone knows anything about this man or his whereabouts, please report the information to Central Command.]

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

Quiet, now. It’s no use struggling.

I’m not going to hurt you. Quite the opposite.

I see that look in your eyes, like you don’t think I could hurt you. You’re probably right. I’m not much of a fighter. But I know what you think of me, and other guys like me. I’ve been listening to you on the phone, you know. Hacked your telecommunications. What was it that you called me, on that call with the client yesterday?

Oh, yes, I remember. A walking pocket protector. I’ll admit, that was a new one for me. I’ve had “pencil-neck” and “four-eyes” and the good old-fashioned “nerd” lobbed at me before, but “walking pocket-protector”… Heck, it’s got a little poetry to it!

Shh. I know, it feels strange. It’s a little unsettling, at first, I’ll agree. But you’ll get used to it. It’ll go easier for you if you just relax and quit fighting it. In time, you’ll even begin to like it.

I’m sorry about the gag. Unfortunately, it’s just the beginning of the process, so I have to leave it in for…twenty-three more minutes, at least, if my calculations are correct.

Ha! Who am I kidding – my calculations are always correct.

I can see from your eyes that you hate my guts right now. That, too, will change.

You see, what’s about to happen to you isn’t out of the ordinary, or even very noteworthy. As far as I can tell, it happens to a lot of guys, especially those that zip through their twenties and then hit that speed bump called thirty, bank accounts empty and career opportunities shot. Those of us who didn’t win the genetic lottery couldn’t get by just on our looks and our charisma, like you did.

I remember how it felt when I was in high school, and guys like you were all A+ students and perfect jocks, too… gosh, it’s enough to make me swear.

But no. You couldn’t leave well enough alone. You couldn’t just be a jock, be good at sports, and leave the academics to the rest of us. We didn’t ask for much, you know. We just wanted to be left alone in our science labs, and in our tutorials, in our lives.

There's no escaping guys like you. You’re everywhere, and you’re spreading. For a time, we ignored it. Figured it was some kind of anomaly. But it wasn’t – it was a trend. And despite the fact that we didn’t see it coming, we are now prepared for its end.

Like I mentioned – it won’t surprise most people to see you change. Maybe a few of your close friends will worry about you. Express some concern. But by that point, you’ll already have accepted your new self. You’ll be able to say “This is just who I am,” and it’ll be their choice how to proceed. That’s a side benefit, by the way, of the process. You get to find out who your real friends are – and, spoiler alert: they’re not exactly big football fans.

You have to be prepared for some major shake-up in your life, though. The good thing about the process is that it won’t faze you in the slightest. Everything will be gee-whiz gosh-darn super-duper spiffy keen neat-o, if anyone asks, and for you, it will be.

Now, I know those terms are a little outdated. We’ve had to make a bit of an adjustment to the process in your case. The earlier version wasn’t quite strong enough for you, so we’ve had to over-compensate in a few directions. You won’t just be a little bit nerdy, you know, a couple of odd quirks, some new hobbies. For example, Derek – well, that’s his dead name, he goes by Derwood now – Derwood can sometimes get by in normal society. He even kept a few of his old friends. He’s just more into things like superhero movies, and he’s left behind all knowledge or passion for sports. I think I even saw him reading a comic book the other day, come to think of it.

But that’s not going to be you. Oh, sure, you might develop a taste for superhero movies, but if you do, it won’t just be a passing interest. You’ll become a rabid fan. I believe…obsessive…is the operative word, in fact. Yes, you see, that earlier version of the process would have worn off, and you’d have been back to your old self in no time, which would wreak havoc on your psyche, not to mention put our entire operation in jeopardy. We can’t have that.

It looks like some time has passed, but not quite enough for me to remove the gag yet. Do you feel your perfect white teeth shifting around in your gums, almost impatiently? Nod once for yes.

You don’t have to nod at all, not if you don’t want to. I don’t need you to confirm for me what I can already see happening in your eyes. Speaking of your eyes – how’s your vision? I can see you starting to squint every now and then. Trying to see past that blur? Don’t worry. I’ve already got your glasses, right here, for when it gets too bad for you to see. Talk about your Coke-bottle lenses - my calculations again predict that you’ll settle somewhere around…hm…negative six diopters, which is even worse than mine.

To put it simply: you won’t even be able to read the big E on the eye chart without your glasses on.

I know, you’ve never been to the optometrist in your life. You never needed to. And don’t think about getting contact lenses, either. I mean, go ahead and try, if you really want to embarrass yourself.

Oh, I can see it now: timid, nerdy little guy like you, shuffling into the doctor’s office – you say you want to get contact lenses, and they get you in the back for a fitting. They show you how to do it, you know, hold your eyelids apart and then just plop the lens on there. But you have to do it three times before they’ll let you leave with them, and you won’t even be able to get one in, because you’ll keep blinking it out. I wish I could be there to see it, honestly – you, all frustrated, trying to swear, but only able to say things like “Fudge!” and “Gosh darn it!”

It’ll be so beautiful. I’m getting teary just thinking about it.

I’m glad you’re starting to settle down a bit. Let me know when you need your glasses. Maybe while we wait, I’ll get started on your hair. That trendy fade has got to go, and so does that scruff on your face. At the start, you’ll have to shave a lot, but as the process continues, you’ll start producing more of a 5-alpha reductase enzyme. This will convert your testosterone into dihydrotestosterone, or DHT, which will actually miniaturize your follicles. Kind of like using a shrink ray on them! Oh, and there will be no taking of inhibitors, like finasteride or anything like that – our process contains a potent agonist, with an affinity of 0.25 to 0.5 nM for the human androgen receptor.

It’s all very scientific, I assure you. And with the miniaturization of your follicles, your sebaceous glands will begin to over-produce sebum, which results in – you guessed it! Acne. Pimples. Zits. I know you’ve never had to deal with that before, so I’m just preparing you for it now. Pizza-face, I think the popular nickname is. Get ready for a lot of that.

Let’s see…what else can I tell you.... Gosh, this is kind of like the orientation for a new job, isn’t it? Ah, yes. I know. Speaking of jobs...

Yeah, this is the tough part. It’s all very natural, I assure you. Just like with your friends, your co-workers will come to see you in a different way. I know you have quite a few cutthroat underlings who would eat one another alive to get your corner office, and the moment they sense you’re not as much of a threat as you used to be, they’ll swarm.

I give it two weeks, tops, until you’re gone. If you choose that road. Or you could make it much easier on yourself and resign. You won’t be financially ruined – not with all that new information surging through your brain – you’ll be an asset to the right company, the right department. Maybe IT will take you. Or accounting. Maybe you won’t work corporate. Maybe you’ll work retail.

God, that’s cruel even for me. I wouldn’t wish retail on anyone, even a jerk like you. But there’s no telling what could happen. For all I know, once the process has completed, you could end up one of those Geek Squad guys at Best Buy! Have you seen the uniform they have to wear? It’s company-mandated dress code. You’ve seen them, haven’t you? White, short-sleeve, button-down shirt. Black polyester clip-on necktie; black, pleated trousers; black lace-up shoes…and white socks. Yes, white socks, kept completely spotless and bright. All this is enforced, too, with routine inspections, to make sure you’re being compliant!

You see, there’s really an infinity of possibilities for you. If anything, this is a new chance for you – a fresh start. I know it feels scary, all this change. But change is the only constant. Everything is always in flux. Heck, every seven years, your entire body regenerates – every cell is new and different, so why shouldn’t your personality and identity change, too?

It’s logical, isn’t it? Nod once for yes.

Good! You’re starting to come around, aren’t you? Like I said, it won’t be so bad if you just accept it. If you don’t fight it. That sudden urge to position your tongue up behind your teeth when you say ess. Eth. Eth. How your voice keeps breaking, and in the most unfortunate ways, and at the most unfortunate times – all of this is being etched into your muscle memory as I speak to you.

There isn’t much longer now until I can remove your gag, and I can see that the physical alterations are beginning. Too bad all that hard work at the gym all these years is so easily eroded by our process, but then, those muscles were mostly for show, weren’t they? Well, no longer. It isn’t exactly sarcopenia, but it’s close. You’ll be at least one and a half, possibly two, standard deviations below the relevant population mean, and no amount of exercise will restore your former abilities.

Yes, the ropes are looser now, because you’re much smaller. Rapid onset muscle deterioration. You could struggle out of them. Maybe you could even escape. You could try. But there’s no way you’d make it very far without your glasses. Who would believe you, anyway? What would you even say?

Like I said, you might as well give in. It’s not so bad, once you get used to it. And you’ll have me. I’ll be with you for the whole beginning process, so you can acclimate to your newly nerdy life. You won’t be able to continue living in that luxe apartment you’ve got – no, you’ll be moving into a nice little basement apartment I’ve got fixed up for you, in the suburbs outside the city. The landlords have just got it refurbished, with some nice wood paneling, and there’s a spare twin bed that should be just your size! There’s also tons of room on the walls to put up all your posters. You won’t need much room for anything else, really. You definitely won’t be needing that enormous closet of tailored, fitted button-down shirts, or all those sneakers, definitely not those expensive Under Armour boxer-briefs. What a waste. No, the new you is way more frugal with his money, seeing as he’s paid so little of it. The new you doesn’t even think that much about clothes, or fashion.

This must be a lot to handle. Maybe I should have a little mercy on you.

Tell you what. I’ll let you choose your underwear. How’s that, pal? That make you feel any better? Nod once for yes.

See, I’m not that bad. That’s right. So, here. You can choose…Hanes, or Fruit of the Loom?

Oh, I see. You thought I meant what kind of underwear. Haha, no. You’ll be wearing tighty-whities from now on. Sorry, them’s the rules. Besides, you won’t need much support…down there, if you catch my drift!

Don’t look so horrified. You won’t even notice that it’s gone. Mostly. You’ll still have some length, just, you know, not a lot. You won’t be able to call it a “cock” or a “dick” ever again, either. Oh, look how cute – you’re blushing just hearing me say it! You might call it something else, like your ding-a-ling, or your wiener.

Okay, okay, I can tell you’re getting embarrassed, you’ve gone all red and blotchy in your cheeks. We don’t have to talk about the … “no-no place” anymore, little buddy.

All right. Here’s your glasses. I’ll just set them on your nose, for you…there. Wow, they sure do make your eyes look tiny!

I can tell you’re getting near to the end of the process, and I’m curious to see how big your two front teeth have gotten. From that bump in your upper lip…gosh, it looks like you might be giving Bugs Bunny a run for his money!

You’ve really been behaving better, so I’ll bring you a mirror, okay? So you can see for yourself. I must say, it’s already quite the improvement. I wasn’t expecting your hair to turn so red, or get so curly. Maybe if you can’t get a job at Best Buy, you could run away and join the circus as a clown!

I’m just horsing around with you, pal. Don’t pass out on me. You promise not to scream? I hate it when they scream. Nod once for yes.

You’re a little excited, aren’t you? It’s okay. You can tell me. I bet you get a little more excitable than you used to. Maybe you even get a little clumsy, with the loss of all that hand-eye coordination. Trip over your own two feet and go sprawling.

But who knows. There’s so much potential.

And you’re just the beginning, too. Let’s just say that my proposal for introducing you to the process wasn’t well-received by Central. What do they know? They have this power, and they don’t use it. Well, you snooze, you lose, by golly! If you have a gift, you use it, otherwise it goes to waste.

Anyway. Enough of the supervillain speech. You don’t need to know anything more. It’ll probably be wiped out in the massive crush of nerdy trivia about Star Trek and Star Wars that’s going to download into your brain soon, anyway.

So, this is it. Are you ready to see? Nod once for yes, and I’ll pull the cloth off this mirror here.

Alrighty, dweeb, you asked for it. Here goes.

Say salutations to the new you!

[END TRANSCRIPT]

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jocia92 · 3 years

Link

(Google translated)

Dan Stevens, who grew up in Wales and south-east England, spent his summer holidays at the National Youth Theater at the age of 15, and he was drawn to the stage while studying English in Cambridge. Since his big breakthrough as Matthew Crawley in the hit series “Downton Abbey”, he has also repeatedly appeared in films such as “Inside Wikileaks - The Fifth Force”, “At Night in the Museum: The Secret Tomb” or “Beauty and the Beast” . Most recently, Stevens played the Russian Schnösel singer Lemtov in the Oscar-nominated comedy “Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga” from Netflix. At the beginning of June, the German film “Ich bin dein Mensch” by Maria Schrader celebrated at the Summer Berlinale Premiere, which starts on 1.7. comes to German cinemas regularly. Stevens plays the role of a love robot in it. Unlike on the screen, however, the 38-year-old prefers to speak English in the zoom-conducted interview. He chose a brick wall with a lion motif as the digital background. No allusion to the song “Lion of Love” from “Eurovision Song Contest”, but a photo of the famous Ishtar Gate in Berlin’s Pergamon Museum, where “I am your human” was filmed last summer.

Mr. Stevens, in your new film “I am your human” you play a humanoid robot that is entirely geared towards fulfilling the romantic needs of a skeptical scientist. You yourself recently described the film as “delightfully German”. How did you mean that?

I wanted to say that here pretty big questions - such as what actually makes a person or how much perfection love can take - are negotiated in a very light-footed, elegant and sometimes humorous way. In my experience that is a very German quality. At least I have often seen with many of my German colleagues and friends that they are very good at not discussing difficult issues exclusively deadly serious and melancholy.

Where does your personal connection to Germany and the German language come from?

My parents had friends who lived in Bielefeld and we used to visit them in North Rhine-Westphalia during the school holidays. Traveled from England by car! That’s how I learned a little German as a child, and later I learned it as a subject at school. I even did a short internship there through our friends in Bielefeld. I really love the language. Funnily enough, I was later able to use my knowledge of German professionally, because my first film was “Hilde”, in which I was next to Heike Makatsch played the British actor and director David Cameron, who was married to Hildegard Knef. After that, I always hoped that there might be another chance to speak German in front of the camera, because playing in a foreign language is an exciting challenge. When the chance arose to shoot “I am your person”, I could hardly believe my luck.

Did you know the director Maria Schrader who gave you this chance?

Funnily enough, when the script for the film landed on my table, I had just watched the Netflix series “Unorthodox”, which she directed. I had also watched a few episodes of “Deutschland 89”. In general, I knew that she was a great German actress, not least because friends who knew their way around the German theater scene often raved about her. Working with her was a joy now. Her understanding of actors is quite instinctive and brilliant. I have seldom seen someone who can help an actor who is having difficulties with a scene with such simple means.

The fact that you had already seen “Unorthodox” shows, of course, how quickly “I am your person” must have been implemented in the past year …

Oh yes, that was really quick. In March I was still in New York and was about to premiere a new play on Broadway. But then the pandemic came, everything was canceled and I flew back to my family in Los Angeles. A few weeks later, Maria and I met each other via Zoom - and shortly afterwards I was sitting outside in a café in the Berlin June sun for the first time in months to discuss the upcoming shoot with her. That was pretty surreal because I hadn’t actually left the house since March.

Is it correct that you oriented yourself to Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart to portray the romantically programmed robot Tom?

In any case, these were role models that Maria and I spoke about. When you think of the game between the two of them, you always see an enormous clarity and directness. Cary Grant, for example, was always quite funny, especially in his romantic roles, but also flawless in an almost artificial way from today’s perspective. I found that very suitable for a robot. Apart from the fact that the ideas that Tom and his algorithm have of romance and love are certainly also shaped by the classic romantic comedies from Hollywood. Oh, the woman is sad, so I’ll bring her flowers! Such automatisms from the stories from back then were very appropriate for Tom now.

Keyword role models: Who shaped you in your career as an actor?

There were of course many. Jimmy Stewart was certainly something of a role model. My mom and I watched a lot of his films when I was little and I was always impressed by the kind of sweet tragedy that went into all of his roles. But maybe Robin Williams’ work influenced me even more. I always found the incredible variety of his films remarkable. He could make his audience laugh hysterically like no other, but also move them to tears in other roles. I always wanted to emulate this range.

In fact, the range of your roles is enormous and ranges from the Disney blockbuster “Beauty and the Beast” to a comic adaptation in series format such as “Legion” to bulky independent films such as “Her Smell” or the horror thriller “The Rental “, Which we just released on DVD. Is there a method behind this diversity?

Not in principle. I like variety, but I’m not just looking for roles that are as different as possible from one another. Rather, there are always similar factors that I use to select my projects. Sometimes there is a certain director that I really want to work with. Or the role itself is irresistible because it presents me with acting challenges. And sometimes a script is just fantastically written and I am interested in the topics it is about. With “I am your person” it was definitely the latter, especially since the timing was just right. In 2020 there were so many societal questions that ultimately touched the core of human existence. Such a script, which deals with something very similar in a light-footed way, was just fitting.

A few years ago you said in a questionnaire from the British Guardians that your greatest weakness was not being able to make up your mind. So every time you are offered a role, do you ponder whether you should accept?

No, no, when a script appeals to me, it actually does it very quickly. It’s such a gut feeling. If I’m unsure and skeptical, that’s a good indicator that this is not the right thing for me. That with the difficulty in making decisions related rather to something else. For example, it takes me forever to order in a restaurant because I can never decide what on the menu appeals to me the most.

You became famous with the role of Matthew Crawley in the series "Downton Abbey”. Did you immediately suspect at the time that something big was going on?

At first we were all pretty clueless. There are really many British history series, and we were one of them. When the first season aired in the US and was a huge success there, it was pretty unexpected. I never expected the impact the series would have on my career.

Barely ten years later, are you still being asked about the role?

Oh yes, regularly. Probably nothing will change about that either. I got out after three seasons!

In the meantime, however, the flamboyant Russian singer Alexander Lemtov from “Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga” should also be a character with whom you will be immediately associated, right?

Right, it has been mentioned more and more recently when people recognize me on the street. This charming, silly film obviously had a nerve with the audience last year in the middle of the corona pandemic. Especially since the real Eurovision Song Contest had been canceled.

The film was the number one topic of conversation on the Internet for a while - and Lemtov GIFs and memes were everywhere. Did you follow that?

It was really hard to avoid it. I wasn’t looking specifically for what people were posting. But of course my friends passed a lot on to me, and there were already some very funny Lemtov things. But he’s also a figure made for GIFs.

Another question every British actor under 40 has to put up with these days: Would you like to become the next James Bond?

Oh, of course, everyone gets to hear this question again and again who meets certain criteria. But it is completely hypothetical. Although a few years ago I read in an audio book by Ian Fleming’s “Casino Royale”.

You mentioned earlier that you and your family have lived in the United States for a long time. How big is your homesickness?

I actually feel very comfortable in Los Angeles. But every now and then I miss the sidewalk culture of European cities. People on foot, street cafes, things like that. Last year the longing for it was particularly great, although it was of course clear to me that there was a state of emergency in Europe too. In any case, I found myself reading books that were set in Europe and made me homesick. Which is why the unexpected trip to Berlin was really a boon.

You are also an avid cricketer. That’s certainly difficult in Los Angeles, isn’t it?

There are quite a few cricket clubs here. The only problem is that the few people who do the sport here are so good at it that I have problems keeping up. That’s why I always lose sight of the matter here a little. Even as a pure TV viewer, it is not easy to stay on the ball, because of course there is no cricket broadcast here at prime time. But as soon as I’m home in England in the summer, I really want to play again!

#ich bin dein mensch #i'm your man #dan stevens #maria schrader #faz.net #interview #long post

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slashertalks · 4 years

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I think the most enjoyable thing to me about film review is how fluid it is. Not only is the medium, by nature, ever-changing, but with personal experience comes a shift in opinion that can change perspectives so much it requires a completely new piece. Though this work is not coming out of so drastic a change, it is coming out of a desire to rectify something put forward in my previous SAW review. Similarly, it is a statement of something core to my beliefs with all my reviews: that “bad” films are not always truly bad. Often, they’re quite enjoyable.

Now, I should put forward my frame of reference for this, in the form of two facts. The first: my current hyperfixation is SAW. The second: the only two SAW films I’ve seen are the original, and SAW 3D. Do with this information what you will, but I think it’s important to acknowledge that what I’m writing comes from a place of intense personal passion, and simultaneously intense disinterest. See, when I say SAW, I mean specifically Doctor Lawrence Gordon and Adam Faulkner-Stanheight. To a lesser extent, I am also fixated on the production, but that’s relatively common for me. The technical, visual aspects of a film are often just as important to my enjoyment of it as anything else— I’m more inclined to enjoy a film with physical effects and mechanics, both of which SAW has plenty.

This piece is serving as both an expansion on my original short blurb on SAW, and an acknowledgement that SAW 3D is not, as I put it, the horror equivalent of “a daytime soap opera.” It is, quite simply, a fun movie.

Do I have any background in any of the characters beyond Dr. Gordon himself? Not in the slightest— I’m coming into this movie with no expectations for how Hoffman or Jill Tuck should behave. This is, perhaps, a flaw of my own attention span. I tend to jump about through franchises: for years, I’d only seen the first and third Friday the 13th movies. I still haven’t seen the second or sixth Nightmare on Elm Street. My viewing history is filled with maybe somedays, films I’m certain I’d enjoy, most often part of franchises I know I like, but I just don’t have the motivation to sit down and watch them. Saw 2-6 and Jigsaw are part of this category.

What does that make SAW 3D, then? Lacking background in characters beyond Lawrence, whose appearance is unfortunately limited, what do I get from what was supposed to be the close of the franchise?

Not much, quite honestly.

SAW 3D is not a film rich in much. Beyond a trap made of an entire building which feels a little too poetic for Hoffman to have made (judging, again, by my admittedly-limited knowledge of the character), and an enjoyably gruesome trap made for a group of neo-nazis (I SQUIRMED watching this one!!!! SQUIRMED!!!! I can’t remember the last time I had to look away from a movie!!!!!! Even on a second viewing, I had to close my eyes at this part! Can you tell how exciting that is?), SAW 3D feels rather slapped together. I’ve heard as well that the director had no desire to actually direct the film, which makes things difficult.

What does a film do when saddled with an unwilling director? Its best, of course, and SAW 3D is still a valiant enough effort. Is it a masterpiece? Not by any stretch of the word, but it’s fun. This here is why horror is one of my favorite genres! SAW is a masterpiece of modern horror, a reflection of the magic of A Texas Chain Saw Massacre! A rarity! A gem! I couldn’t be more enthusiastic about this film. SAW even surpasses Texas Chain Saw in one area: the actors, director, and staff had fun making this movie! I will always sing praise for Texas Chain Saw; it is the film I consider the penultimate horror movie, unsurpassable in its legacy. It captured a sort of magic in how gut-wrenchingly horrific it is with such minimal blood: it’s all psychological.

As previously said, I feel that SAW captures that same magic. The film has minimal gore, a byproduct of its limited budget, but is remembered as much more brutal than it actually is— it became the springboard for a franchise absolutely drenched in disgusting moments. SAW 3D’s neo-nazi trap is chief among them, for me (that back glue? good GOD man....). Yet, where the cast of Texas Chain Saw have many painful, sweaty, exhausting moments to remember (the actor who played Nubbins was a veteran and has stated that his time working on Texas Chain Saw was worse than his time as a soldier), the cast of the original SAW had a blast, proven by an audio commentary filled with James Wan, Leigh Whannell, and Cary Elwes all poking fun at each other (and a ridiculously goofy Marlon Brando impersonation from Mr. Elwes — I genuinely can’t recommend the commentary enough).

Even separated completely from my personal passion for the film, it’s an amazing feat for me to sit here and say to you all that a film has, in one instance, surpassed for me my pinnacle of horror. How often does that happen?

Yet, I still haven’t completed my thoughts on SAW 3D. Circling back, I have to laugh. I’ve unintentionally mirrored my own Texas Chain Saw viewing pattern with my SAW viewings: for quite a long time, I’d only seen Texas Chain Saw and TCM: The Next Generation. If you’ve been here long enough, you’ve seen me mention TNG time and time again. To recap, for those of you who may be seeing my writing for the first time: it’s a genuinely HORRIBLE film. It is, however, a favorite of mine— enough so that I own it on DVD, now. TNG is a purposefully bad film, created with the intent of antagonizing the viewer and calling to attention our pattern of complacent viewership. In my original piece on TNG, I state that “my problem with modern horror is that it’s loud, the violence is gratuitous and charmless ... because supposedly that’s what a Modern Viewer [sic] wants. TCM4 takes these things, grinds your nose into them, and says ‘fuck you, you want this? here'” (source). Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation defies the conventions of modern horror in a deeply obnoxious, yet thought-provoking way. SAW 3D... does not.

SAW 3D’s greatest problem is, perhaps, that it’s exactly what audiences demand. Though I must admit the 3D is tasteful, and I’m grateful for that, the fact remains that the movie lacks innovation. While it doesn’t necessarily need to innovate as the close of a franchise, I ultimately think it’s ridiculous to have tried to close the franchise at all. As much as I hate the trend of reboots and remakes in the modern market, particularly modern horror, I must acknowledge that studios will milk a popular franchise for all that it’s worth, and sometimes more (I’m looking at you, SyFy Pumpkinhead sequels).

SAW 3D is the victim of an unfortunate situation. An over-saturation of SAW films in the market meant waning popularity, coupled with a fanbase still dedicated enough to want a finale, and a director lacking interest in the project (we all get tired of things, no matter how passionate we may be in the beginning— I hardly blame anyone for being tired of the franchise after the way they churned those films out). This isn’t to imply any of the films are bad, especially since I haven’t seen them! There is, however, an undeniable pattern to horror films which has persisted since the 70s and 80s: horror franchises tank after 3-5 films. Some are lucky, some less so, but the range of 3-5 films seems to be the golden one for horror. For a movie franchise, seven films is comfortably beyond that, and SAW 3D is misleadingly the seventh film.

For as much as I’ll happily sit down and watch it, SAW 3D puts nothing forward and asks nothing in return. A franchise that started with such a dramatic bang went out with a fizzle (or would have, if not for Jigsaw and the upcoming Spiral). It’s enjoyable to see the reverse bear trap used. It’s enjoyable to see Lawrence again, and to watch Hoffman lay on the ground and get poked (quoth the reviewer: get his ass, Larry). It’s... fun, but it’s cheap fun. It’s fast food horror. I’m happy to have it once in a while, but the late 2000s to 2010s were oversaturated with similar films. I want more from a movie meant to close out something as dramatically influential as SAW, something so enrapturing! Something which I can confidently say exceeds Texas Chain Saw Massacre in one important area! Damn it, the SAW franchise deserved better than this!

Maybe it’ll get it, with the Spiral reboot coming out. Maybe it won’t, who knows? I’m interested to see how Spiral plays out, and I have surprisingly high hopes. Between that and the Candyman remake, there are a lot of “re-” horror films I’m genuinely looking forward to. I haven’t felt this way about a horror re-anything since Evil Dead in 2013, and I’m feeling cautiously optimistic. We’ll see what the future holds — hopefully something that’ll be handled better than the original franchise was, though I don’t think Hollywood will ever learn to distinguish a dead horse from a live one. They’ll just keep beating and beating every horse in the stable. Perhaps I’m really a pessimist about all this, but again: personal experience. I’ll keep my cautious optimism up, and keep an eye out. I’m planning on watching Dying Breed and Cooties soon (two films with Leigh Whannell in them), so expect at least a short blurb on those two, and who knows? Maybe you’ll see something big about Spiral in the future. After all, if even a fizzle like SAW 3D can make me squirm even now, I think there’s a lot of hope to be had.

#saw 3d #saw the final chapter #saw

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sugawara-sweetheart · 4 years

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oh its okay! i don't think it was important HAHA yes they damage the back of your teeth! i'm not sure how bad but i think i might just have to do it anyways 😳 they're supposed to be pretty painless but i've heard the healing sucks! short hair is very cute on most people!! AHH YOU SHOULD DYE YOUR BANGS! what color? i think i would get short hair again if i found a specific thing i like! YES YES I STAY AWAY FROM ADULTS UNLESS I KNOW THEY HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS!!! omg i forgot about this one-🧸 1/3

dude hes 19 HE WAS SO GROSS I'M NOT GONNA GO ALL IN DETAIL BC ITS INTENSE BUT LIKE AS SOON AS I TURNED 16 HE TOOK HIS CHANCE his account got deleted & he finally left me alone but one of the things he would try to do was get me to send nudes to him like every day?? he would NOT leave me alone like bruh 😐 really,,. HES GONE NOW THOUGH but that really taught me alot! yes i always trust my gut and its always right! -🧸 2/3 i think you have to be good friends to be mean to each other as well, otherwise it just doesn't feel right! but its nice when they know how to do it! my nice teachers always did at least one big thing for me so i think thats why i remember them as well! WHAT MELON IS SO GOOD!! i respect your opinion though </3 i see videos of him on my fyp alot for some reason but yes he always seems super sweet so i don't have a problem with it! -🧸 3/3

omg nooo wait i don’t want my teeth to get ruined with a piercing I SPENT ALMOST 2 YEARS OF HELL WITH BRACES FOR GOOD TEETH- sgajgss okay bit random but teeth talk reminds me of the beautiful dentist that removed my wisdom tooth and he was like idk probs in his thirties- maybe older? but he literally BABIED ME and i felt so special🥰thinking of you sir❤️ BUT ANYways sometimes you gotta take the risk👀or maybe you could have a tongue piercing for a little while and if it starts to damage your teeth you could remove it? idk if it works like that ahahaha but yess one of my friends would always say ‘apparently if you get an infection you can taste it’ whenever i’d mention a tongue piercing which is gross🤢

I DID DYE MY BANGS!!! i dyed them blonde but it came out a bit yellow-ish? so i’ll just keep using purple shampoo BUT IM SUPER PLEASED WITH THEM!! i do like them and sometimes i do a middle part and pin my bangs and it looks like that tiktok e-girl style! pinterest always have beautiful hair ideas so you could check them out!!

AGSHSG IF AN ADULT HAS GOOD INTENTIONS THEY WILL STAY AWAY FROM YOU BC YOURE A MINOR💀omfg drop me his address rn and i will pull up on that disgusting dirty ass bitch rn🔪😡🔪he sounds vile and deserves jail, that’s disgusting and i’m so sorry you went through that. i’m relieved you’re safe now but that’s awful🥺but yes always trust your gut instincts even when you’re out in public and men try to approach you, don’t feel like you must speak to them or be polite if your instinct is telling you no. trust it for all situations cause you’d rather be safe than sorry. that’s a book people on reddit always talk about called The Gift of Fear and apparently it‘s why you need to trust your instincts (i really need to read it)

definitely, you’ve got to have a special level of friendship to be able to be mean but also being mean about the things you’re allowed to be mean about? one of my friends is allowed to literally degrade me (well maybe not anymore we don’t speak much😗) but one of my other friends was like 😗😕you’re like just a crackhead and i was like ...umm tf? so yeah it defo depends on the level of friendship and what topics you’re allowed to be mean about or else you’re just bullying🙃

your teachers sound amazing and i’m so happy you were blessed with good teachers!! but also you must’ve been an amazing student to be treated well so well done🥰

WGSJGSS PLS DONT TRUST MY OPINION I HAVE LIKE 1 BRAINCELL AND SHES VERY FAULT AND ONLY THINKS OF MR SUGAWARA💀but hm idk watermelon 🍉 is okay from time to time but actually yellow melon is 🤢nah but if you like it I WILL PREPARE A MELON FEAST FOR YOU!!!!

aw i found him via tiktok too but it was cause i was loving that trend of girls making a chain of all the crazy things to do to a guy with the audio being his song ahahaha

anyway a tiktok for you Mx 🧸anon bc we all deserve to appreciate mr sugawara🥰 (also i apologise for responding to this very late i’m very bad with messages these days bc i get so overwhelmed sorry🥺)

#interacting #anon #🧸anon

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disappearinginq · 4 years

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The Electric Boogaloo

This is a very rare political (sort of) post for me, so feel free to scroll on by. I don’t know how many people in the US know what the phrase “electric boogaloo”, but it’s a reference to an expected (and some believe impending) civil war. It’s kinda terrifying, but I am a dark humor sort of person, and I must share with people who may not be keeping up on the current state of affairs with our military versus our president.

Here’s the deal: everyone knows that the President of the US in the head honcho of the military. What most people don’t know is that there is a serious rift growing between the US Navy and the federal government, and it reads like a goddamn soap opera, and I must share because it’s my former ship leading the charge and I am so proud of those little shits.

Set the stage: COVID-19 has disabled a huge chunk of the world. It’s not a secret, every news cast is about how more people are sick and more people are dead and the general seagull death spiral of society on a whole. Reports are in about how the Theodore Roosevelt has cases onboard, and they’re docking in Guam. No secrets, public knowledge.

Several days go by and a letter from the CO, Captain Crozier, is shown to the media openly begging for Big Navy to do something in support or sailors will die unnecessarily. It reveals nothing of things that aren’t already widely known. He asks that the sick be allowed to get off the boat to do an actual quarantine in the empty hotels on the island so that they limit the spread of the virus because on a Navy vessel, you’re lucky to have six inches of personal space, never mind the 6 feet. These ships can have up to 5000 people on them, with three doctors (and that’s pushing it). There are no beds in medical. You serve sick time in your own bed, surrounded by 50 of your shipmates at any given time. Big Navy has decided to take their sweet ass time with a rapidly spreading virus, and basically tells him “we’re looking into available options” and then crickets.

Thanks to the media getting a hold of it, Big Navy is shamed into providing aid. In less than a day after the letter finds it’s way to the media and the American people, POOF. The sick are offloaded, quarantined, and given medical help. The majority of the crew remains onboard.

Cue the Electric Boogaloo lead in: First reports are Big Navy (the bureaucratic long arm of the Navy that decides morale is low and therefore forbids sailors to grow beards, and discharges anyone with a skin condition that prevents them from shaving every day, but separate issue) says that while they were unhappy that Crozier went outside the chain of command, likely nothing will happen to him. Next thing we know, Crozier is relieved of duty, in the dead of night. Every crew member onboard the boat meets him as he is departing, some in uniform, some in civvies, all standing at attention until he departs the boat, where he is saluted off and literally cheered by hundreds of men and women while they chant his name. This video also makes it’s way on to social media. Social media is trending with #IstandwithCaptainCrozier. Big Navy sends a fucking Admiral to the boat to take over - this is 1) either that Admiral done fucked up hard or 2) they need that level of pull to hush everything up and Big Navy things extra stars = more obedience.

So now the shit show really begins. The Secretary of the Navy - SECNAV - is a newly appointed Trump crony who has a whopping total of 7 years in the Navy back in the 80′s and has literally been a pencil pusher since then. He flied alllll the way down to Guam to deliver an absolutely inspiring speech where he basically calls all the sailors onboard a bunch of whiny bitches, curses them out multiple times, and calls Crozier - remember, their beloved CO - too naive or too stupid to be in charge of a carrier. If you would like to listen to it, here is the link (I love listening to the crew’s reactions).

https://taskandpurpose.com/news/modly-theodore-roosevelt-audio

The SECNAV stayed on the boat for less than 30 minutes, 15 of which was spent reaming out the crew, and then left without addressing a single concern.

Shocker of shockers, the audio gets uploaded to the media. The outcry is amazing. Anyone who defended him before is stunned into silence that this man, who looks like the villain from Billy Madison, has the balls to go to a warship and bitch them out - not about violating OPSEC - but for embarrassing him. The awkward position they put him in having to actually do his job. Congress and Senate members comment “I’ll be surprised if he lasts the night” - I have no idea if they meant he was gonna get lynched (which, to be honest, I would not have been surprised at) or fired.

The course of Monday and the SECNAV’s defense is better told in bullet points:

- “I stand by every word, even the swears”

- “I didn’t call him stupid or naive, I meant he purposely leaked the letter”

- “I have the highest regard for Captain Crozier, am I am sorry for the hurt that my words have caused”

- “Please stop sending death threats”

- “I quit”

Yo, this bitch was straight up online bullied into quitting and he was supposed to be charge of one of the largest military branches the United States has.

Now, one might think this is the end of it. Nope! So here’s the shit leading up to this - the secretary of defense retires - a man named Mad Dog Mattis, who’s famously quoted “be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet” (amongst others) left his position with a public letter denouncing Trump’s treatment of our long standing allies. Yeah. The guy who talked about having plans to kill people quits over morality. The SECNAV before Modly (guy who just got bullied out by online harassment and public calls for his death) was fired because he refused to back Trump’s order to pardon the war criminal Eddie Gallagher, a former SEAL who was turned in by his own guys and called ‘evil’.

So this is fun now, right? Modly fires Crozier because he’s mad that he was embarrassed in front of the President and the country (Trump says he wouldn’t have fired Modly if he hadn’t resigned, because he didn’t think he was in the wrong), going against the Navy’s Top Brass (the top Admiral Gilday who is the CNO, and miltary’s top general, Milley, chairman of JCOS). Trump’s administration overturns the Navy’s conviction of Gallagher because “he’s a good guy”.

“Mr. Modly has become a vehicle for the president. He basically has completely undermined, throughout the TR [the Theodore Roosevelt] situation, the uniformed leadership of the Navy and military leadership in general.” - Admiral Milley in a NYT article concerning Modly’s address to the crew.

The article concludes with “The Trump Administration’s handling of the crisis aboard the Roosevelt reflects a growing divide between senior uniformed commanders and their civilian bosses.”

The conclusion I draw in this HYAH!SHITSHOW: I can’t believe the lynchpin for the revolution is my old goddamn boat, and I miss it by a scant few years.

And, just in case you don’t believe me about the Billy Madison comparison:

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jlf23tumble · 5 years

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1D Day, Hour One

God only knows what this hellscape will look like on December 18, so if I’m gonna recap each hour of 1D Day, I might as well do it now, eh?? 1D Day is a gift that none of us really deserved, and yeah, it has a ton of shitty moments, but much like X Factor itself, the true gem is Louis Tomlinson and how much he runs this entire show (and lbr, the band itself), Jesus, god, do I love him.

Anyway, 1D Day aired 7 hours of live content on November 23, 2013 to promote Midnight Memories, and yes, yes, we’ve all seen the gifsets, but like anything else with this band, it’s tremendously better in context. I watched this whole thing a couple of years ago, when I first got into this fandom, but I didn’t know all of the dynamics then, so it’s extra fascinating to me now. We’ve all binged worse shit than this that took way longer, and I promise you won’t regret an hour a night for a week--but if you’d rather read my hot take, here you go, under the cut! Note: these are really shitty screengrabs, and for that, I am truly sorry.

A horrible announcer introduces the D by saying they weigh in at a collective 792 pounds, and all I can wonder is does this mean they have daily weigh-ins, why is it that specific? This focus on their weight is just gross to me. C’mon, writers, you’re better than this (j/k, you aren’t).

The three-foot bubble between Louis and Harry is established pretty early on, with Harry doing the prettiest sitting in all the land before bolting to his feet immediately because Louis happened to walk by his couch. A very real question: Was this bubble a requirement that Ben Winston constantly whispers into their headpieces, or did sbb decide, hey, let’s make it obvious that we have to CONSTANTLY adjust where we stand, even if it’s two feet away because that’s not enough room for Jesus?

There are some truly hilarious guest “stars” to announce, the first being the giant video head of David Beckham, which pops up and immediately starts speaking, so we're already off to the races with a) fuckups and b) Louis’s annoyance at said fuckups.

Liam takes a good hard look at his future:

Harry isn’t allowed to gaze at Becks, he’s off by the listening booth, which is a giant red call box because they’re Briddish, pip pip, cheerio. Unrelated, but I low-key feel like Harry's coked up or else really taking the piss with all his “LIVE BANDDDDDDD,” JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!,” etc., not to mention how fast he’s speaking, the way he grinds on the guitarist’s lap while Louis fonds at the sky, and all the yelling with arms aloft.

The best part of the rundown of the guest “stars” (or breast stars, if you’re Niall) is that we’re only in the first 10 minutes, so everyone’s giving it a go, but then we get to Mr. Simon Cowell, and Niall claps five times to stony silence (me as Harry constantly staring at Louis from three feet away):

Piers Morgan comes out to describe the “grilling” he’s going to give them later, all angry—genuinely angry—that they’re trending on twitter because they keep saying that he smells. And they don’t stop, even here, they keep yelling, “What’s that smell? You stink, etc.,” and he’s such a dick that I want to bottle this moment and spritz it around my house daily.

This mild trash talking continues, with Piers promising “tears from Piers,” but Slytherin Niall pulls the fingernail out of his mouth, smiles that sneaky smile, and says, “Yeah, but this isn’t Piers Morgan Day, is it, this is 1D Day,” and I want a transcript because there’s so much talking, but all of it trashes Piers, and god, I love my sons.

Anyway, they keep winding Piers up (Piers: “I’m going to find out what you’re most embarrassed about,” Liam: “The way you smell,” Piers, genuinely in a rage: “Don’t say that”), and he keeps talking about how he’s interviewed heads of state, etc., the implication being that this is below him, but Niall counters that Oprah and Barbara Walters have, too, and they would have much preferred Oprah, to the point where Piers admits they couldn’t afford Oprah (lmaooooooo).

We move on to Harry, spinning a twitter wheel that means they’ll follow whoever it lands on, which seems like a cute idea. I’m guessing it’s the official twitter handle?? I don’t know or actually care!

Louis can’t read the teleprompter, and he mutters later that it’s because it makes no sense rather than being too hard to actually see, but me as Niall, already yawning at the 25-minute mark (the bubble is preserved, though, whew):

I’m guessing Scott Mills is the “host” of this show because he comes out with a stick (??) and an agenda (Scott’s no Dermot…he has a face for radio, as they used to say back in the day). This whole section just features a lot of Harry and his pinned sleeves staring at Louis, and honestly relatable:

The next task is toilet paper roll stacking, with two judges from the Guinness Book of World Records on hand to see if this band of hyenas can beat the current world record and stack 28 (!!!!) rolls in 30 seconds. Two reasons to love Louis: he interrupts this idiocy to ask, “How did you two get into this, is this a full-time job you do every day?” (I was wondering the exact same thing), and this is his face for this challenge:

Sadly, they fail, and Harry’s the one who has to tell the judges, “Well, sorry for wasting your time!” with a cheery wave from the ladder. Uh oh, though, the bubble, we’re at two feet:

Much better!

This is still too close for Ben Winston’s comfort, so we split up the teams in what feels like a college course with a lot of money to run fake broadcasting drills. Zouis gets to report from the field, with some tweet rapping; the weather guy, sports guy, and lead broadcaster experience some technical difficulties, prompting Harry’s infamous, “SOMETHING’S GONE WRONG,” and we’re off to Poland:

For a production company that seems hell bent on “no homo,” there are lots of things that raise my brows, like this big “handsome” (Harry’s words) he-man who’s going to pull a “boohs” full of 1D fans over a line, so the boys have to guess how long it’s going to take him…by writing all over his mostly nude body (I’m the eye contact that Harry and Louis maintain during this):

Dude pulls the boohs successfully, so yay! Next up is Wrong Direction, the world’s worst lookalikes (HONESTLY, I’m embarrassed for everyone in this segment on Hollywood Blvd: the idiots who are “fooled” by this, the guys themselves and the low-key insult of it all, myself because this went on for way too long):

I’ll spare everyone the individual matchups because yike, but the real Wrong Direction comes to the studio, with all the guys dressed up like their matches, and the real D is polite, albeit mildly “wtf are we supposed to do about this” (me, too, Zayn). Points to Harry for at least trying to strike up some conversation: “Did you have foon, acting like us?” We’re supposed to vote for the best one on Google+ (lolololololol).

Scott takes two girls who look like they’re legit about to pass out into the red call box so they can be the first people to listen to the new album. While they listen to something none of us can hear, we get some VT (that’s “videotape,” god, I hate the whole lingo lesson we got earlier) of Spain and some fans, all of which feels like lengthy filler. I feel for the people Scott mentions as being asleep during this because there is a LOT of fill. Maybe make this shit shorter, just a suggestion!

Next up is Jamie Scott from his home somewhere in the middle of the night; he wrote most of Midnight Memories along with Louis and Liam, and he gives them an 8.5 in terms of how they did on a scale of 1-10 (and that’s AFTER Louis insults his pillows with the alphabet on them, “In case you forget”). There’s a lot of Lilo hand-shaking in celebration, and some enthusiastic clapping from Harry (a little too enthusiastic…I’m gonna imagine that someone tells him to tone it down in his earpiece because he looks around quite a bit):

A few things happen that don’t really interest me: the first listen of “Through the Dark” (this is skipped in the vid), a remote report from Radio Disney (Harry: “HOLLYWOODDDDDD!”) and a fan who wins the chance to come visit them later in the day, and then we’re back to Scott, who looks exhausted, and it’s only been 40 minutes.

All is not lost, because the next VT is the totally unnecessary yet extremely vital coverage of the D’s exercise regime. I’ve seen so many gifsets of hottttt and sweaty Lirry, but you haven’t lived until you’ve heard Niall’s American accent while he stretches: “Welcome to my workout dvd! I’ll be with you for the next 45 minutes to give you the lowdown of how I stay in shape.” PLEASE @ NIALL, DO THIS.

I really WANT to be Harry and effortlessly pump out pushups, but in reality I’m Zouis, popping some robot dance moves and drinking Red Bull. The weird shorthand throughout this is that Liam is an animal (Ziam + a whip = fire), Harry’s into flirty sexercise, Niall wants an arse like Kim K’s, Zayn’s a slender boxer, and Louis…just fucks around? Missed opp for footie Louis.

The first performance is “Story of My Life,” and we’ve all seen it before, but godDAMN, Zayn sings like an angel. Lots of technical problems in the audio, prompting quite a few Louis/Harry hand gestures, but still, in spite of it all, they sound amazing individually and together.

Even local asshole Piers Morgan is impressed, as he comes out to tell them that they were surprisingly good, along with a bunch of other neg bullshit. This is another one of those segments that it pays to watch the whole clip of, and Jesus, do I want a transcript. They head over to the couches, and Piers points at Louis and says, “You have the most reason to be nervous,” but Louis’s like, “Yeah, but I’m not,” and wow, #goals.

Everyone gets a couch, and the upshot is that Piers is a terrible egoist who thinks he’s a fantastic interviewer, but he really isn’t…all the questions are shit, and these five eat him alive. Everything he asks falls flat, and it’s so masterfully, subversively handled, from Louis’s iconic “define girlfriends” (and the underappreciated attempt by Harry to define it for Piers later: “Like in primary school, if you hold hands with a girl and you're eight, is that a girlfriend?”) to the obsession with smells (Piers asking Niall, “Why do you always smell,” claiming it’s a fan’s question, and Niall answering that it’s because he had colic as a child, so can only fart; Piers asking Zayn, “Who stinks the worst,” and Zayn saying that they all smell quite good, actually) to Piers demanding to see Zayn’s tattoo and relentlessly attacking him for it being a gun (Louis keeps interjecting that it’s a watergun, but go off I guess, paraphrasing).

But the best is always Louis. “What’s the weirdest thing a girl has done to impress you?” “Tweeted Piers Morgan.” Later, he says pointblank to Piers, “You do stink.” But then…but THEN, it’s the Four interview 1.0, only instead of Ben trying to get Louis to deny gay rumors, it’s Piers, who does it twice: “What’s the one rumor you wouldn’t want to hear about yourself?” Louis’s answer: “That I’m not good at football.” “Are you good?” “No….I just wouldn’t want it confirmed.” Piers tries AGAIN: “What’s the worst thing you’ve had to read about yourself?” but Louis turns it around and says he hates reading about one of the other boys being dead (!).

Because he’s the worst, Piers takes it to the ladies and asks how many girlfriends they’ve had and how many times they’ve kissed a girl. Harry says he’s kissed 8 ladies (which prompts a good scoff out of Zayn), and everyone else says 5 or 6, 3 or 4, etc., with Louis declaring he’s only had one proper relationship (no genders mentioned), so maybe 2 (lmaooooo). Piers gets all excited that he’s kissed more girls than this hot boyband has, and I wanna say, you’re almost there, “friend”…keep working it through.

There’s more antics w/r/t Piers, like his poor 2YO daughter crying, and him trying to blame it on Harry Styles not answering her dad’s sex questions or stupid questions about embarrassing things they’ve caught the others doing, and yeah, I don’t think they’ll get into the big ot5 gang bang on live TV, but ask anyway, I guess?

The last person to suffer sitting next to Piers is Liam, and I love him always, but especially for saying, “How’s it going there, stinky?” when Piers takes a seat to ask him why he’s so sexy. Piers tries to “joke” that the sexy question is for him, but nobody says anything, and then he asks Liam AGAIN before admitting that it’s a shitty question, so then he asks about them all wearing tight jeans, and godddddd, why does anyone let him interview anyone??

The good news is that Piers can tell he lost, so as he tells them that he thinks they’re pretty okay, actually, but, “You’ve gotta stop calling me stinky,” and you know they never will.

Scott says it might feel like much longer, but it’s only been an hour, and Zayn’s lookalike won, so we can all rest easy. This hour closes with a review of the highlights, and it’s ham-fisted and awful. Shocking!!!!

I can’t do one of these every single day, but I’ll do hour two sometime soon! Hope you enjoyed this, @justlarried, lol!

#recap #1d day #hour one #it really did feel like a full day

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taww · 5 years

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Review: Silverline SR17 Supreme loudspeaker

Silverline SR17 Supreme loudspeaker

The Audiophile Weekend Warrior (TAWW)

TAWW Rating: 5 / 5

Combining the body and scale of a larger speaker with traditional mini-monitor virtues, the SR17 Supreme is an exceptional conveyor of musical color and expression.

PROS: Organic midrange tone; top-to-bottom coherence; ample scale and dynamics; superb imaging; unfussy setup.

CONS: Smidge of lower midrange coloration; favors acoustic over electronic music; awkward recessed terminals.

This review has been a long time coming. Back in 2010, @mgd-taww gave the Silverline SR17 Supreme (USD $7,500) a rave review in Bound for Sound magazine, and heartily recommended them to me as an upgrade to my Merlin TSM speakers. It took me 8 years and a move to the West Coast to finally reach out to Silverline for a review pair; then another 15 months of listening to get around to this review. In the meantime, lots of speakers have come and gone in the market, particularly in the 2-way monitor category saturated with offerings at every conceivable price point. And yet, to my ears, the SR17 Supreme endures as one of the most satisfying speakers of its kind. Read on for my take on how it’s withstood the test of time.

History & Design

Silverline is a small speaker manufacturer based out of Walnut Creek, California, a short drive northeast of San Francisco. The SR17 is one of their first models dating back to a couple years after their incorporation in 1996:

1998: The SR17 debuted at the 1998 Stereophile Show in LA, sporting a Dynaudio D28/2 tweeter and Esotec 17WLQ midwoofer.

1999: Updated with an Esotec D260 tweeter and revised crossover.

2004: The SR17.5 was introduced, with increased internal volume via a deeper cabinet for better bass response.

2009: The SR17 Supreme is introduced with an Esotar T330D tweeter and further refinements.

Proprietor/designer/craftsman Alan Yun has continued tweaking the Supreme over the last decade, and though the Dynaudio drivers he prefers are out of production he’s stockpiled enough units for years of production and repairs. The enclosure, recognizable by its trapezoidal shape and depth, is manufactured in China by a shop that does cabinet work for a number of high-end marques, with final assembly performed by Alan’s own hand. He shared a bit more about their production:

California has strict environmental regulations. The paints on cabinets are governed by strict rules, and is why there are fewer and fewer cabinet makers in California. Many manufacturers now find their production overseas.

Actually our cabinets were rawly made in China, painted, and the final detailing is done by me, also putting sonic materials inside the cabinets. This job is pretty tricky for tweaking the sound. The crossovers were handmade by me, matching components, soldering, etc. The drivers were fitted carefully and precisely by my hands with European-made T-15A screws. Final testing and listening are all done by me in my workshop. 😅 Therefore, the SR 17 is rather unique. I am also the original designer of this shape/type of speaker cabinet since 1996. I did research and to the best of my knowledge there were no similar designs then.

Large, but not ungainly, atop Dynaudio Stand 6′s

The depth of the cabinet - 15 inches, to be exact - gives it a rather top-heavy look on a typical stand, but it’s mitigated by the elegant tapered profile. My pair was impeccably finished on all sides in rosewood veneer. Rapping down the sides revealed it to be very solid, but not as fanatically braced and damped as my old Merlin TSM monitors or the Audiovector SR 1. Each speaker weighs around 26 lbs. The bi-wire terminals are recessed, which made them a bit of a pain, particularly as they have larger rectangular posts that will take 1/4" spades only in certain directions - I recommend banana terminations.

The crossover sports just 4 components, with 1st order high-pass (tweeter) and 2nd order low-pass (woofer) filters. Parts quality - Solen metallized polypropylene capacitors, a generic-looking wirewound resistor and an air-core inductor - is solid but hardly fancy, a deliberate decision by Alan who isn’t much of a believer in expensive boutique parts. Based on the results he’s achieved here, it’s hard to argue.

Cardas jumpers sounded better than the stock bridges to my ears. Stick with bananas for the cable termination - spades are awkward.

Setup

The SR17 is fairly efficient (nominally 90.5 dB/watt @ 8 ohms), but more importantly it's easy to drive - my Ayre AX7e, known for being rather limited in the power delivery department, sounded open and effortless. Alan Yun said the Dynaudio drivers love current and will benefit from powerful amplifiers, yet will sing with low-powered tube amps. I can confirm it loved the grunt of the 300wpc Bryston 4B Cubed, yet I never felt lower-power amps like the Ayre or Bryston B60 integrateds were lacking for dynamics. And my favorite pairing by far was with the 55-watt Valvet A4 Mk.II class A monoblocks sporting a single pair of bipolar output devices. (Incidentally, Alan’s favorite amp paring with the SR17 is the 30-watt Pass Labs XA30.5, which @mgd-taww can attest to being a magical combo.)

Similarly, I found the SR17 easy-going when it came to cables. My preferred cable had more to do with the amp used, but I got good results from a single run of Audience Au24 SX [review], Cardas Clear Light and DH Labs Q10 Signature cables. With the Audience, I felt the speaker was the sweetest and most dimensional; the DH Labs brought out more bass power and treble brilliance; while the Cardas brought out more upper midrange presence. With the Bryston 4B3 amp, I settled on the Cardas; with the Ayre and Valvet, the Audience was the clear winner. Unlike with the Audiovector SR 1 Avantgarde Arreté (review forthcoming), I didn't find bi-wiring to lend a noticeable improvement, but I did prefer replacing the stock metal jumpers with nicer Cardas ones from my Merlin TSM's for a little more refinement.

As with any high-quality monitor, stands are important. Something around 24-25” height seems right, though I wouldn’t be afraid to sit them an inch or two lower as the speakers are capable of projecting good image height. A trend these days is to decouple speakers from the stands/floor, but the SR17’s are “old school” in that they prefer tight coupling, meaning heavy suckers with spikes and a judicious amount of BluTack on the top plate. My old Osiris stands, heavy dual-column steel beauties loaded with sand, were a perfect match, but sadly I sold them with my Merlin TSM’s; they were replaced by higher-WAF but inferior-sounding Dynaudio Stand 6’s, which in stock form are quite light and choked the sound of the Silverlines. Fortunately I was able to get them to a better place with some tweaks; not as good as the Osiris, but close. A better choice sonically might be something like the Target Audio MR stand with the four pillars mass-loaded.

Pulling them out further improves imaging, but they still work well relatively close to the back wall.

Placement was pretty standard for a monitor speaker - keep it at least a couple feet from the back wall, with a 2:3 width-to-listener distance ratio and toed in about halfway. In my room, which has a number of living constraints, I had the back of the speaker about 21” from the wall, tweeters 76” apart and the plane of the speaker 8 ft. from my ears. While many small-box monitors rely (often excessively) on rear ports for low-end boost, the bass tuning on the SR17 is far more subtle and sophisticated - putting my ear to the port, I heard a fairly modest amount of output. I remarked this to Alan, and he described the port as more a method of pressure equalization than bass volume. This means in a pinch I could push the speakers as close as 12" from the wall without fear of low notes booming out of control. All in all, for being such a high-performing design, the SR17 is remarkably easy to live with.

The Sound

The first thing my wife, a professional oboist, noticed about music through the SR17 is how dynamically alive it was. I had just wrapped up my review of the Silverline Minuet Grand, a superb $2k speaker that is no dynamic slouch itself. And even though the SR17 was fresh out of the box and Alan warned me it would take some time to run in, the very first notes from the SR17 sung with expressiveness and vibrance. I think it took all of 15 minutes of listening to Royal Concertgebouw Orchestra streaming radio for her to remark, “I like this speaker.” She’s normally nonchalant about hi-fi, and yet has ears that can pick apart sonic deficiencies in about 90 seconds, so that amounts to a rave! And what made it so immediately engaging wasn't some artificial emphasis or hype; it was a feeling of unimpeded dynamic flow that makes most other speakers sound a bit drab. The SR17 lets music breath freely, carrying you with the ebb and flow of a tune and conveying every turn of a phrase with a sense of ease and conviction.

The next thing we noticed is how natural and palpable everything sounds through the SR17. Tonally, the SR17 is on the very slightly warm side of neutral; it combines reassuring solidity and density from the mid-bass through the midrange with an open, extended top end and fine harmonic resolution. Its ability to paint with a wide palette of tonal colors brings out the distinctive character of instruments and voices, making orchestral music a delight - just put on a Living Stereo recording such as Debussy’s Iberia [Tidal, Qobuz, Spotify] and the front of your room will explode with the virtuosity of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra’s playing. Scale it down to smaller stuff like a Beethoven string quartet, and you’ll savor the finer gradations of timbre between the cello, viola and violin.

What you won’t notice is any discontinuity between the woofer and tweeter. These Dynaudio drivers were made to work together, and the minimal crossover mating them is superbly executed. The upper midrange around the crossover point is seamless, and I can’t remember a single moment over the course of hundreds of hours of listening when I noticed the tweeter sticking out on the face of the speaker, something that ails even the finest, most expensive dynamic speakers from time to time. In this respect the SR17 is up there with the very best and is utterly free of listening fatiguing.

As a violinist, I feel obliged to point out the Silverline’s superb reproduction of the violin G string. If you ever want to test out a speaker’s tonal truthfulness in the lower midrange (right around middle C, 262Hz), put on the 2nd movement of the Glazunov violin concerto performed by Jascha Heifetz [Tidal, Qobuz, Spotify], or the 2nd movement of the Sibelius concerto performed by Lisa Batiashvili [Tidal, Spotify]. This is oh-so-tricky to get right; as the lowest string on the instrument, it’s the richest and deepest; and yet the violin is not a viola or cello - it’s a more subtle and delicate richness. Speakers that lack body will sound thin and washed out and minimize the difference in timbre vs. the D string above; woolly or bloated speakers will thicken it or blow the instrument out of proportion. The SR17 performs this balancing act better than anything I’ve heard in my living room, or in most any system for that matter. It rides the line between warmth and clarity in that register, lending tangible realism to piano, male vocals and low brass instruments as well.

Going down the frequency range, the SR17’s extra cabinet volume vs. a typical mini monitor gives it power and scale more akin to a floorstander. My room is a 17 x 19 x 8.5 ft. open layout living/kitchen area with floor-to-ceiling windows and an offset listening point along the long wall, so while not huge, it presents a bit of an acoustic challenge that smaller speakers have struggled to fill. The SR17 had no trouble projecting a big, bold sonic image, and can cleanly play as loud as you’d reasonably want in such a space. It has sufficient body and power down to 60Hz or so to give music real foundation, with meaningful output down to 40Hz. I think Silverline’s quoted 32Hz bottom limit is a bit optimistic (or perhaps you just need the right room), and I preferred the speaker with my REL T-9 subwoofer providing a little extra oomph. But for a great many listeners in moderately-sized spaces, this will be all the speaker you ever need. Listening to “The Elephant” from Saint-Saëns Carnival of the Animals [Tidal, Qobuz, Spotify], a track I’ve heard on some very full-range speakers (e.g. Focal Grande Utopia EM Evo), the double bass is big and present, lacking a bit of rumble that was easily provided by flipping on the REL sub. Piano left hand similarly has nice weight, never sounding diminished in scale as typically happens on small monitors. Debussy’s Ariettes oubliées song cycle from the album Paysages by soprano Susanna Phillips and pianist Myra Huang [Tidal, Spotify] is a lovely test of colors, with ethereal vocals floating above dark undertones from the piano’s lower register. The Silverline possesses suficient extension and body to bring out these contrasts with depth and balance.

At the opposite end, the old-school Esotar tweeter is still one of the most musical high frequency transducers around. It balances detail with smoothness, extends low enough to mate perfectly with the woofer, and never sounds strained - a substantial upgrade in resolution and realism over the typical metal or silk domes in lesser speakers. In top-end extension and speed it might be bettered by some of the newfangled devices like Focal’s beryllium or B&W’s diamond domes, Scanspeak’s latest Revelator or the fantastic AMT in the Audiovector SR 1, but it’s a relatively small sin of omission and a worthwhile trade off to avoid any hint of unnatural edge or ringing. And it still has plenty of sharpness and sparkle, lending nice bite to trumpets and sheen to triangles and cymbals.

Last but not least, there’s that soundstage - present and tactile, but never in-your-face. Particularly when coupled with gear with sufficient resolution to relay subtle ambient information, e.g. the Pass XP10 preamp, there’s a real sense of the layout and layers of a symphony orchestra. The hi-res LSO Live recording of Mendelssohn’s "Reformation" Symphony with the London Symphony/Gardiner [Tidal, Qobuz, Spotify] paints a vivid picture of the stage of the Barbican, with brass fanfares anchored closer to the back wall of the fan-shaped stage, and the smaller string section sounding up front and intimate. An interesting twist in this performance is Sir Gardiner had the violinists standing to emphasize the virtuosity of Mendelssohn’s writing, and while I can’t say I would have been able to tell this from listening alone, the Silverline does convey a subtle sense of freedom and space to the violin section that I’ve missed when listening to the recording on other systems. And it has no trouble imaging well outside the bounds of the speaker, with percussion and harp on the extreme left of the stage floating eerily behind and beyond the left speaker.

I think my wife put it best when I asked her one day how the system sounded with the Silverlines: “this is what I imagine it sounded like in the concert hall.” While I’ve broken down a bunch of its strengths in audiophile terms above, it’s the way it puts everything together into a musically vivid whole that makes it special. There’s an evenness of tone, a naturalness of perspective, an ease of dynamic expression, a consistency of refinement from top to bottom that gives music a sense of rightness that allows one to forget the hi-fi aspects and focus on the musical performance. In this respect, Alan Yun has crafted something truly masterful in the SR17 Supreme.

Caveats & Comparisons

I’ll nitpick a few things that were relatively minor deficiencies to my ears, but may weigh more heavily for people with different tastes. These were highlighted in my own home by direct comparison with another very fine monitor speaker, the Audiovector SR 1 Avantgarde Arreté ($6,200 in premium finish). I also have my long-term reference, the Merlin TSM-MXe (around $6k several years ago) as a baseline.

First off, I suspect the Silverline’s hint of lower midrange warmth, while sounding natural and consonant with much of my favored acoustic music, may come from a bit of otherwise well-controlled cabinet resonance. It gently highlights the woody quality of acoustic instruments, but with electronic music it comes across as a slight coloration - a bit like wearing orange-tinted sunglasses that make everything look a little less cool. It’s very subtle, and not enough to sound overtly “boxy” or throw voices off, but it’s not transcendentally-clean like the Audiovector or, say, a Magico. My sense is Alan wisely tuned the SR17 cabinet for this response, as additional bracing would just make the resonance peakier and higher in frequency where the ear is more sensitive; as it is, it’s a gentle and diffuse coloration. Part of this may also be the sonic signature of the Esotec woofer’s magnesium silicate polymer cone, which I’ve heard in a number of speakers and to my ears trades better damping for a hair less crispness vs. some of the fancier treated paper or composite cones out there. On the plus side, it never sounds dry as some of those drivers can, but with Erlend Øye’s Unrest [Tidal, Qobuz, Spotify] or Carley Rae Jepsen’s Emotion [Tidal, Qobuz, Spotify] I found the Audiovector conveyed more of hard-wired immediacy and edge suitable for those albums.

Taking turns with the Audiovector SR 1 Avantgarde Arreté

Another area where the Audiovector came out slightly ahead of the Silverlines was in resolution during loud dynamic peaks. The Audiovector is truly special in this regard, being designed for minimal signal compression and sounding incredibly collected the louder you play them. The Silverline also plays loudly with ease, but vs. the über-clean Audiovector it’s very slightly thicker and more congested. Case in point are the fortissimo climaxes and interruptions in Rossini’s L’italiana in Algeri overture [Tidal, Spotify] - when the orchestra comes crashing in after the pianissimo pizzicato opening, both speakers are clean and explosive, but the Audiovector sorts out the different instruments playing in unison for that brief moment a hair better, while the Silverline has more low-end oomph.

As mentioned prior, the Silverline’s superb Esotar tweeter isn’t the state-of-the-art in extension. It has plenty of resolution, but if you favor extremely extended and airy highs, e.g. the 52kHz-rated AMT tweeter in the Audiovector will give you more of that. I don’t think that ultimately matters so much for musical enjoyment (and many people can’t hear very well above 10kHz anyway), but it does make a subtle difference in realism. It also makes the Silverline’s treble a bit more forgiving of poor recordings and upstream components (silver cables could work) - it’ll never, ever burn your ears off.

The $7,500 price tag of the Silverline puts it squarely above the very crowded $5k-and-under monitor crowd, but short of the $10k+ “super monitor” category. Comparisons with other speakers are more conjecture on my part as I haven’t heard them in my own room... but I’ll mention a few things I’ve gotten a good listen to at shows, dealers, and other people’s systems.

Paradigm’s Persona series seems to be mentioned quite frequently in audio forums these days, and I heard the Persona B monitor ($7,000) briefly at RMAF. I’ve also listened to the floorstanding Persona 3F a bit, and there’s definitely a common house sound - fast, crisp, detailed and dynamic. I’ve never warmed up to either of them - they’ve struck me as rather strident, with instrumental interplays like oboes and clarinets playing in harmony tending to sound compressed. The Silverline by comparison may sound a bit thicker, but it has far more natural instrumental timbre to my ears, is less bright and thus easier to match to more systems, throws a more dimensional and properly-placed soundstage, and is very nearly as “fast” without sounding edgy. I’m honestly at a loss as to why the Personas are garnering so much praise, so maybe it’s just me? A similar argument could be made for the B&W 805 S3 ($6,000) - while I haven’t auditioned them specifically, I’m pretty familiar with the 800-series sound and again, it’s not my cup of tea. The Silverline’s balance and openness just strike me as much more natural than anything I’ve heard from B&W. So if the likes of B&W and Paradigm leave you a bit cold, the SR17 Supreme might be a step in the right direction.

An obvious comparison is to Dynaudio’s own bookshelves, specifically the Contour 20 ($5,000) and Special Forty ($2,995). You can read about them in my quick review from a dealer audition, and while I haven’t heard them head-to-head, I posit that the Silverline a worthwhile step up in coherence and musicality. If you can’t stretch the budget for the Silverline I think the Special Forty would be a good alternative, but it does not have the near-reference level neutrality of the Silverline. In the past Dynaudio had a bit of a reputation for not being as good at implementing their own drivers in complete loudspeakers as other companies were, and while I think their latest efforts are much improved, Alan Yun still seems to be squeezing more out of the old Esotar/Esotec drivers in the SR17... methinks this is a reflection of Alan’s sharp ear and painstaking hand-tuning.

A few more offhandish observations based on extremely limited auditions, so take with a block of salt: I heard the Wilson Audio TuneTot ($9,800) at a dealer shortly after its release. With the caveats that it’s designed for a totally different use case, it was in an unfamiliar setup and this pair wasn’t fully run in, I didn’t find it nearly as compelling or expressive. I got a good listen to the TAD Micro Evolution One ($12,495) with a couple different amps and found its midrange rather dry, upper midrange a bit peaky and its bass lacking fullness and extension vs. the Silverline. The Artist Cloner Rebel Reference ($16k w/stands) wowed me at RMAF - it seemed to have more speed and resolution than the Silverline, though the upper midrange was a hair pronounced. It would be an interesting comparison, even at twice the price. Another interesting monitor at RMAF was the Stenheim Alumine Two ($13k) which was super clean and detailed, but perhaps not as liquid. A more logical competitor/upgrade could be the Sonus faber Electa Amator III ($10k) that I also heard at RMAF. That speaker absolutely blew me away with its expressiveness, natural richness, insane dynamics and huge presentation in the show setup. It’s the speaker that I’m most dying to compare to the Silverline.

And to wrap up the comparison to my Merlins and the Audiovectors - I sold my beloved Merlins shortly after receiving the Silverlines, and wound up purchasing both the Silverlines and the Audiovectors as I just couldn’t decide between the two. That should give you an idea of just how much I like them both; I’ll have more to say about the Audiovector in a forthcoming review.

Verdict

It's been said speakers mirror the personality of their designers, and if you've met the talented and affable Alan Yun no doubt you’ll feel his influence. Much like the man behind it, the SR17 Supreme is sharp, earnest and engaging, yet easy-going, with an unforced warmth and great attention to detail. There’s something grounded and unfussy about the way it allows music to flow forth, feeling like it's taken an expressive limiter off of a recording without hyping it in any way. It checks off many of the audiophile boxes too - imaging, tonal balance, bass power and extension, etc. etc. - but focusing on those mechanical aspects, as excellent as they are, would be selling Alan’s accomplishment short. The SR17 Supreme is first and foremost a faithful and thoroughly enjoyable reproducer of music, one capable of strongly evoking the beauty of the original musical event. There are countless 2-way monitors superficially like this one, but few that I know that are so meticulously and lovingly tuned to such great effect.

I've spent a lot of words espousing this speaker, but I think it's deserving of it, not just because of the obvious quality of the product, but because Silverline is a small manufacturer flying under the radar without a big dealer network or advertising budget. While Alan continues to develop his entry-level Minuet and Prelude lines at a more rapid pace to keep up with market demands, he doesn’t pen up new versions of his reference models every couple years to generate hype. He’s instead chosen his design fundamentals wisely and focused on perfecting their execution through years of painstaking refinement, much as the late Bobby Palkovic @ Merlin Music did. Like Bobby, he has a great ear for music, does a lot of the production work himself, and gains most of his sales through word of mouth. This does make it trickier to find than the big brands at a typical shop, but I strongly encourage seeking out an opportunity to hear it. The SR17 Supreme is a special speaker, and it won't be leaving my living room any time soon.

Silverline Audio P.O. Box 30574 Walnut Creek, CA 94598 USA

#audiophile #audio #hifi #loudspeaker #speaker #review

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gobbochune · 6 years

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Over the Garden Wall is a fall miniseries special made by cartoon network in the early years of the latest animation boom that has unfortunately been placed in the same club as Rick and Morty, Portal, and Undertale as a legitimately good though not flawless piece of media no one can talk about for fear of being associated with an infamously horrible fanbase. Cursed to obscurity because the mere mention of its name will call upon antis and fans alike who will take a mile from any inch of analysis given.

Introduction:

I think the fact that we’ve come to a place where fandom is a deciding factor in whether or not to watch something is depressing in its own right, but more so with Over the Garden Wall specifically because it’s themes are becoming more and more relevant in western animation trends lately. Specifically with the increased demands for darker more mature themes in stories made for children.

Fans of animation from a technical standpoint want stories in their medium of choice that reflect their mature sensibilities while people with an interest in children’s media demand for lighthearted family fare they can either watch with their kids or appreciate from the standpoint of someone with an interest in child development.

And both sides have a point. Cartoons weren’t always considered to be just for children. Pretty much anything can be told through an animated story, the medium’s flexibility allows for a wide range of tone and performance that is under-utilised as children’s programming. There are some truly brilliant stories that are told though animation that not only push the boundaries of how a story can be told but also what an animated film can look like. People who happen to be writers tend to pretend that writing is the only thing that matters and that a piece of animation is only as good as the writers behind it. I can see why they feel that way but I don’t think they realise how closely interwoven visuals, audio, and text can be. Ideally, writing, visuals, and audio are all different languages that weave together to tell a story and all three mediums need to be given the same amount of care to sell a setting. I’ve seen no shortage of brilliant pieces of writing lost to the annals of time because they look like shit and I’ve seen beautiful animation that stays popular even though its written like shit. Film as a whole really negates the need to have dialog or characters at all, so long as the choice to do so is deliberate and carries a specific intent. Indie darling Don Hertzfeldt for example uses simplistic and bizarre cuts of animation alongside a monotone narration to represent a man with degenerative brain cancer in ‘It’s Such a Beautiful Day”. The narration could have easily been set to more traditional visuals or even negated entirely in place of standard dialog between characters but only Hertzfeldt’s signature style could depict what it’s like to feel your mind slowly imploding in on itself to such a chilling effect. The story was more about the visuals than the narration, and more reliable context could be drawn from the way the visuals are presented than anything the narrator says throughout the film. This is a really cool and interesting way to explore the potential animation and things like these are sorely under-utilised in mainstream studios.

But at the same time there is legitimate genius to be found in children’s shows themselves that has absolutely zero interest in appealing to adults or even carrying themes at all. There is an art to speaking to people who haven’t developed an understanding of themselves yet that takes a lot of effort and care. Fables are devoted to this concept, designed so that the listener can understand the world through a proxy. It comes from a place of narcissism to think that just because you personally aren’t engaged by simplistic stories it means there wasn’t a level of mastery in creating it. In the Night Garden is a spiritual successor to Teletubbies with an emphasis on fostering a better relationship with bedtime. There is absolutely no entertainment to be gained from this show unless you’re high or have a boner for costume design, and yet kids love it. Toddlers love The Night Garden more than actual kids like Steven Universe. It is an incredibly successful show despite not having anything significant to say because its goal is to entertain children as they’re lulled to sleep and it works. The most beautifully designed and animated show I’ve seen all year is an irish production about baby puffins made for toddlers to learn animal facts. While there is significant scenery porn for parents to appreciate, the goal of the show is to play with all the cute animals and learn how they live in the wild. Mrs. Frisby is much the same in both versions of the show and its major goal is to act as an entry point for complex scientific concepts. Peppa Pig is legitimately fucking hilarious and requires no defense whatsoever. I’ve said before that the phrase “Just for kids” doesn’t mean that something doesn’t appeal to adults but that adults shouldn’t feel entitled to it. You can watch if you want but only with the understanding that this does not cater to you and you shouldn’t expect it to. Viewers outside a show’s demographic are only tourists, they shouldn’t demand to be stimulated with more complex narratives that could confuse or even frighten the intended audience. If it’s too simple and juvenile then watch something else. Practically everything is made for adults, you can handle the pony show not caring about your sophisticated intellectual sensibilities every now and then.

Animation studios want to find a happy medium between these two approaches to animation. On the one hand, they want to push the boundaries to appease critics and make headlines. Most of the markets surrounding these things value new ideas over well executed ideas, and studios need those clicks just as much as youtube analytics do. But on the other they know that their show can only be seen by people who can afford to see it. As much studios want to mix it up things like merchandise and advertising keep the lights on so they’ll need to stay on brand to feed their staff.

Animation is fucking expensive and a lot of studios need to keep up a reliable flow of money in order to satisfy their investors whilst affording their passion products on the side. Sony Animation for example seems to follow this pattern of making legitimately good films between lukewarm branding deals, usually sequels to their previous successes. Pixar and Dreamworks have adapted this pattern as well, and unlike so many animation critics I can’t fault them for that. It’s like every time Pixar announces a sequel or a toyetic franchise fans act like this is the last film they’re going to make, despite many of these losers using the same damn tactics on their own channels. I know a hustle when I see it, and unless they’ve obviously given up I don’t really see the cause for concern.

But TV animation works differently…I think.

Let this be a disclaimer that most of what I know about production comes from film studies and the indie scene so it’s entirely possible that my explanation of things like statistics and scheduling is either absurdly simplified or outright false. I am entirely open to correction, and in fact actively encourage it from someone who has done more reading on the subject.

From what I understand the way it used to work was that a schedule would be designed under the assumption that once a show caught the viewer’s attention they’d stay on the channel until they got bored. Emphasis was put on stuffing as many different programs as they could into one day so a higher percentage of tastes would be attracted to it. Things become more complicated with the advent of the internet, because unlike the benevolent tv channel feeding you shows it thinks you want audiences can pick and choose for themselves.

Often times fans will show loyalty to a single program instead of the whole channel, hopping between networks to take their pick from the cream of the crop. This is why Crewniverse all but begs fans of Steven Universe to watch the show on tv even if the alternative is legal. It doesn’t matter how many people buy episodes in itunes if the stats show more eyes on Cartoon Network when Teen Titans Go is playing. The kind audience who likes Teen Titans Go is more likely to watch it on TV and will watch anything else on the channel like commercials and other shows. Teen Titans Go does in fact have an audience that audience is more loyal to the network than fans of Steven Universe are, so it gets priority on the schedule. And, despite what small-minded cynics like to say about media at large, its not like the only things these studios want is to make money. They are made up of individuals who entered a less than lucrative industry because they like what they make and want to make things they can be proud of when they can afford it. But money will always need to be a factor and respect for a project feeds artists only slightly less than exposure dollars do.

Shows that have the memetic writing of TTG but with the fakedeep shock value of Steven Universe are becoming more and more popular because the jokes and reusable formula to attract views so the themes and representation can be explored once the show has paid back its cost for existing. But often what we’re left with are shows that are annoying or embarrassing for adults and are boring or upsetting for children. We’re brought right back to the initial debate of mature themes vs. consistent tone.

But what does any of this have to do with Over the Garden Wall? It’s not avant-garde experimental animation or childish educational animation. It doesn’t really swap between methods but attempts to be both at the same time. Like Gravity Falls it makes sure to let the audience know what it is early on and stays that way throughout. Cartoon Network even resisted making it an ongoing story, it had a pre-determined ending that it stubbornly refuses to expand no matter how much money the fans are willing to throw at a second season. It has more in common with a film than a tv show, it had a specific story it wanted to tell and knew that enjoyment of that story was limited. There was very little in Over the Garden Wall’s synopsis that could be recycled, every decision in story and design had a deliberate reason for being there and if any of the aspects that made the show enjoyable were reused they would lose their effect.

But, like so many modern cartoons, it still fell into edgy trappings that made it too scary for children and too cutesy for adult swim. When thinking of the core demographic I can only assume it was made for animation buffs either in highschool or their first year of college who happen to have a preference for nostalgia over intrigue. Homage is the best way to describe its artistic intent; constantly referencing movements in American animation through technique and shot composition. Its subtle enough that the design is cohesive but blatant enough for anyone who’s taken a class on storyboarding to recognise.

So yeah, it’s a pretty good show if you’re into that sort of thing but why is it such a tragedy that it’s been blacklisted? Well, I believe that Over the Garden Wall not only balances its desire to appeal to goth adults with being appealing for children but actually manages to have something significant to say about excessive darkness at the same time. To prove this I have to dive into the more subtle themes of the show that might not have been made so apparent on the first viewing which means I have to dissect some very uncomfortable implications.

And I’m gonna spoil the ever living fuck out of it so that was my warning.

Summary

On the surface Over the Garden Wall is a story about a pair of brother’s shared death dream as they slowly succumb to hypothermia at the bottom of a pond. The dream itself is the Unknown, a place that can be read either metaphorically as an allegory for depression or literally as the suicide forest of Dante’s inferno. The Unknown attracts the hopeless and lost and there the boys meet others who have been ensnared by anxiety and doubt.The boys are stalked by The Beast (an entity that functions as a satanic male version of Dante’s harpies) while the bluebird Beatrice (named for the muse of Dante) tries to help them find their way home. This eventually leads to a confrontation between the brothers and the Beast where the older brother Wirt must overcome his own anxiety and escape the Unknown to rescue them both from drowning.

Of course that’s a pretty rigid recap of what happens and there are a lot of hints that the Unknown is actually a real place or that the happy ending is a lie or other shit but after several viewings of the show in a relatively short amount of time I notice those hints were only added at the very end whereas every other big plot twist is referenced in each episode leading up to the reveal. Generally, it seems like they wanted to leave a door open for the comics. From what I understand the Unknown is real the same way purgatory would be real. Its less a place than a black hole of negative emotions people are sucked into at difficult points in their lives that is haunted by a poltergeist made of their combined despair. The fact that the beast feeds on the souls of suicide victims and its true form is just a bunch of Edelwood trees confirms this in my mind.

But here’s the thing about the Unknown- it’s a fucking sham.

Why The Unknown is a Fucking Sham

The Beast isn’t some great and terrible truth that all must fear and respect, he’s a con artist who tricks people into doing his work for him by playing on their anxieties.

The Woodsman states in the first episode that everyone has a burden to bear and his is the dark lantern containing his daughter’s soul. But it’s not his burden and that’s not his daughter’s soul. His daughter is still alive, patiently waiting for him to come home, and it was only his fear of learning the truth behind her demise that keeps them apart. The comics confirm that she was almost captured by the beast but narrowly escaped, which can be an allegory for a near death experience or terminal illness. The Woodsman is overwhelmed by the idea that he couldn’t protect his child, and becomes obsessed with delaying the inevitable. In his frantic refusal to accept Anna’s mortality the Woodsman unknowingly abandoned her. This carries some pretty disturbing implications if Wirt hadn’t intervened, he would have stayed in the unknown while his daughter wasted away completely alone.

Beatrice, who has been estranged by her family because of a mistake she’s trying to atone, doesn’t realise that no one in her family blames her and they’d be perfectly happy to live as bluebirds so long as she comes home. They love her unconditionally, and are so okay with the bluebird thing that they lightly tease her for it over the dinner table. It’s treated as a stupid kid mistake that the family looks back on fondly, and Beatrice being lost in the unknown was the product of her guilt and pride.

Greg’s reason for being lost is subtle and well hidden but prominent if you’re paying attention. His naïvety and good nature has caused him to believe that he is a bad person because he did exactly one thing wrong: He stole a rock. This is so tiny and insignificant and so real to children that age that it stings. One of my earliest memories is that of accidentally breaking the seal on a bag of candy and waiting in terror for the cashier to notice and send me to jail. Greg is only five years old, and that secret was burning inside of him the whole time its no wonder he crumbled under the guilt the minute Wirt cast any shadow of blame onto him. When Wirt finds out why the Beast was able to capture Greg he’s utterly flabbergasted, and says as much as Greg feebly insists that he deserves to die because he picked up a rock without a permission.

There’s a reason why all but the main cast’s problems can be solved in quick episodic succession. Its because the answers are so blatantly and obviously simple but couldn’t be seen through the self-hatred and doubt. The beast is ultimately defeated not through self-confidence, sacrifice, or true love but through admitting that, well.

(this is actually the big badass moment where Wirt defeats the beast not a one off joke)

The moral of Over the Garden Wall is that excessive angst, especially that which is found in its own narrative, is dumb and shouldn’t be indulged in.

Nothing that is presented about the Unknown is as bad as the characters initially believe and the solution becomes clear once they stop feeling sorry for themselves. The show presents attempts to atone for one’s sins or dwell on one’s flaws as actively damaging and unpleasant for the people around you.

This can be a bitter pill to swallow for a lot of reasons. Ignoring the obvious things like societal or monetary restrictions there are a lot of ways people can be trapped in this mindset. From the outside it looks as though people are hung up by such simple problems by a lack of self-autonomy, not realising that a personal crisis can be exhausting to address at the best of times, let alone whilst suffering from depression.

Over the Garden Wall is sympathetic to those who are lost but warns its audience that despair must never outweigh the actual severity of the problem. Many of the more unsettling inhabitants of the Unknown are perfectly good people who are trapped in a bad situation, from the souls of those abandoned in unmarked graves to a loving aunt forced to manipulate her niece in order to save her from herself.

Nowhere else is this made more apparent than with the two protagonists. No matter the severity of each resident of the Unknown introduced, Greg’s childish optimism always wins out over Wirt’s cautious pessimism. Almost every solution is found either by Greg doggedly hoping for a good outcome or Wirt lapsing into hopefulness, and it’s only when Wirt’s despair causes him to lash out at Greg that the Beast is finally able to find them.

And this leads us to Wirt.

Lets talk about Wirt

Wirt is the older brother and thus made responsible for his and his brother’s actions. But Wirt doesn’t really want to do that because Wirt kinda doesn’t like himself all too much. Wirt is just as quick to push responsibility onto his five year old sibling as he is to lament his own inability to preform, despite successfully preforming various tasks mere moments after insisting he can’t.

*Proceeds to ride expertly through dark unstable terrain one handed without reigns*

Every moment of Wirt’s badassary save for his final gambit against the Beast is proceeded by a declaration of incompetence and excuses as to why he’ll under preform. All character flaws are the product of Wirt’s self-depreciation and any strengths he’ll admit to having he perceives as worthless or abnormal. All of his relationships are incredibly positive or supportive and yet he believes himself to be a tragic outcast who is upstaged by his rival Jason who is superior to him in every regard. Often times Wirt will wax into dramatic purple prose lamenting a lost love that turns out to just be a botched confession and his deepest darkest secret is the fact he writes poetry and plays clarinet.

All of this serves to make Wirt a pretty pathetic little edgelord, and he would be completely unbearable if not for the aforementioned theme.

Wirt’s angst exists entirely between his very large ears, is very obviously a temporary product of being a teenager. Wirt looks like he could be anywhere from 10 to 13 years old until we realise that his childish appearance is a costume and he’s actually in his mid teens. An excursion into the real world shows the audience that not only Sara, the subject of Wirt’s affections, is totally into him but that he is generally embraced by his peers and his ‘rival’ Jason is a loser everyone tolerates out of pity. Even the Police, who he initially entered the Unknown trying to escape, were merely putting on a facade of chasing them as apart of some misguided Halloween fun. Even as the brothers run in fear from authority, that authority calls out to them that he’s kidding and he only wants them to stop running because he’s afraid they’ll trip and hurt themselves. Absolutely nothing in Wirt’s life is out to get him.

Every time we learn more about Wirt the characters openly mock or chastise him for being so down on himself, and its through realising the ridiculousness of his angst that he is able to defeat the Beast. Even his killing-blow one liner is robbed of its badass appeal because his voice cracks on the first try, only for Wirt to clear his throat and try again. It’s not even him who kills the beast at all, realising that defeating the Beast isn’t necessary to find his way home. All he has to do is stop letting the Beast get to him and he’s able to escape the Unknown without a second thought. The Beast’s fate is left in the hands of the Woodsman, a fitting punishment for manipulating him into doing its dirty work all these years.

And its not as if Wirt is unlikable either. Certain points in the series we see him open up a bit more and show the genuinely kind and insightful young man who endears himself to the people around him. Though he often mistreats his younger brother Greg, Wirt tries to take care of him where he can and will even indulge in Greg’s silliness when he’s comfortable enough to express himself.

The cruelest thing Wirt ever does to Greg is tell him to bug off while he takes a nap, and even this he regrets within minutes of waking up to find his brother gone. For all Wirt insists towards the end that he doesn’t care about either of their survival anymore, the mere suggestion of Greg falling victim to the Beast is enough to sent the exhausted and suicidal Wirt into an overprotective frenzy.

Most of Wirt’s problems can be solved not by believing he is good but abandoning the idea that he is bad. Happiness is treated not as a depleting life force but everyone’s natural state. After all, being lost is temporary by definition. To have a home is to have a sense of normalcy you wish to return to, and to be away from that home is to be lost.

The Beast tries to trick you into forgetting you’re capable of ever finding your way back, or that you aren’t strong enough to escape the Unknown. But giving up is never the answer, for so long as you refuse to give up the Beast can’t touch you. The Beast is a lair and a sham. He grows twisting and winding paths designed to confuse and disorient you. He’s such a weak piece of shit that he needs to tire you out for days until he can even show his pathetic face.

Conclusion

While media can provide an escape, it also can be a cage all its own.

In these trying times its so easy to feel as if the only way to keep yourself from going batshit crazy is to accept mediocrity and succumb to apathy. From horror stories on the news to harassment online or even something as petty as your favourite cartoon not living up to your expectations, the relative insignificance of these things is what causes us to leave them unchecked. We let our problems fester because it is our instinct to press on despite the pain before stopping everything to take apart our lives and look for a problem. We hide the things that bother us behind prickled branches that we drag through the dirt until they’re too heavy to proceed. We make up reasons as to why even thinking of a solution is more exhausting than happiness is worth. We pretend our feelings come from an impossible source in order to justify their existence.

That is the Beast’s lie.

You DON’T have to choose between wandering forever or surrender to the forest, you can make a better option. Escape the Unknown. Fight for your happy ending. Don’t give Beast what it wants. Unlike everything else, the Beast is the only thing that can’t hurt you. It’s not fucking easy even though it should be and that sucks but you still need to go home. You deserve to go home.

And odds are its closer than you think.

#over the garden wall #otgw #wirt #greg #the beast #beatrice #woodsman #jesus i spent a lotta time on this #hopefully its not nonsense lmao #its the product of ranting in the shower for the past three days

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