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orangefuckingjuice · 2 years

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sometimes i look back at my past and just cringe so hard because good will has never stopped me from making mistakes and being stupid. like i try to so hard to be kind and helpful and try and be a good force in the world but also like… do damage control on my every action? not step on toes, not say stupid things, not embarrass myself. like this primal battle of a terror of not being likable but my deeply human flawed natured when you just… be stupid. and I always eventually do, i jump to conclusions or say things without having all the knowledge or jump the gun on something when i should have waited or just do something that i dont know better on because im young and still haven’t experienced so much ?? thinking im smart enough to overcome things alone rather than ask for help. and only with the clarity of time can I see my mistakes and learn from them. and i do try very hard to self improve, i am extremely aware of all the tiny missteps i have made in my life and it’s hard to not live in regret, because there’s always the chance I’m going to fuck up again or I already have and it’ll only be a matter of time to look back and regret once again. like i want to genuinely be better, but how to not beat yourself up over it all in your own self evaluation? it’s not a kind perspective, and excuses are unacceptable. just like slap the shit out of myself until i’m actually better. until i stop fucking up. and it’s hard to not live like that and see it that way, wishing you could bubblewrap yourself until you hit some kind of wisdom quota. or go live in a cave until you are some perfect person and everyone will only know your best self so you can hate your younger self and their choices in private. the thought of people knowing me is harrowing because they seem me for what i am and not all i could be? how will they know im better now, or at least trying to be. will they continue to live in that reality of when i was selfish or ignorant or unfunny and unlikable or a know-it-all or unstable and obsessive and all of it. all of it.

forgiving yourself is a challenge

(tw in the tags for talks of suicide)

#i desperately strive for a form of ultimate self control where i am aware and deliberate with my very thoughts and actions at all times #can you tell i overthink things to the point of paranoia?#at least if im in complete control of myself i can blame no one but myself for my mistakes #and that means i can fix myself because i broke myself in the first place #and my fucking perspectives being distorted from mental illness is so terrifying because in the moment it is always #‘i know what im doing im in control’#but then i get out of it and i get better and i realize i was so out of control #lead by emotion and an addiction to validation and putting myself in harms way because i lose all sense of self preservation #i was thinking earlier like #if one day sometimes takes my every mistake and compiles them and shares them with the world ill do my very best to apologize and explain #and then like k-ll myself #dead serious this was my conclusion #and im just thinking is this really control? like is this a mentally healthy totally unobscured undistorted conclusion?#i dont think i could live with myself if everyone knew how much of a failure i am #but control over my life is the ultimate act of control of the self isnt it #of course i would be dead by now if i wasnt so much of a coward #i dont think this obsession with self control is healthy especially with how aware i am of how out of control my mental illness makes me #i know i am inherently flawed creature but i dont know how to except that if i cant reach some form of homeostasis of regulation #then i just want to give up #i refuse to leave a negative mark on the world and if my presence does more harm than good i would remove myself entirely #god ive been off my meds for over a week now??? im getting so paranoid im thinking so much i feel like i need to take my skin off #i hate everything that i am #because i am capable of being greater than i am and i keep failing myself #i want to erase the memory of me from everyones minds #actually bpd #idk if bpd has anything to do with this but hey i do have it

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talkorsomething · 1 month

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Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................

Well, it's only half related.

We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.

I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...

I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.

Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?

Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.

November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?

There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.

I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.

...push it back down.

Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.

It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.

I don't know you.

I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?

Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.

It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.

I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.

... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.

I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.

...

I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.

I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.

Will someone just let me say that?

Will someone just fucking help for once?

#sh tw #(implied - i know i didnt actually say it in the post but yes i did c** myself sunday)#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #im cursed with being a bit too self aware so #i think its compounded by my nepotism hire ... not letting me do my nepotism hire things #(for legal reasons i cannot say)#and then to add to that not letting me do anything I probably COULD actually do given slightly more instruction (at guard)#its just ... im a very angry person actually . except right now thats because im not EATING RIGHT EITHER #BECAUSE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS ARE COMBINING INTO ONE BIG INTERCONNECTED PROBLEM #back to my point.#guard instructors decided that for my first year i will not do anything cool because i'm not able to learn in about 2 seconds flat #[read: get very upset very quickly when i get things wrong and then . cant do them because im trying not to have a breakdown over]#[something REALLY STUPID like NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A SIMPLE TURN WHILE MOVING WITH THE FLAG]#so like okay. i get it okay. i'm not good at this. could you at least TELL ME i suck so i can feel justified about feeling bad about it.#could you just fucking tell me this isn't a guard where you can show up with no experience. could you do me a real solid and tell me that.#i dont know maybe the real sign it wasnt for me was when i was seriously considering not turning up for the second 'audition'#really i just hate how much he yells at us. not even at ME because i do so little there is no room to fuck it up. just at everyone else .#it doesn't motivate me to come back but i NEED 'friends' so bad and i love performing so now i just get anxious enough that i cant eat ..#.. before going to rehearsal. which is stupid. because i've done it a million times before.#......#i'm just.... everyone says he isn't actually that bad. & he used to be worse. so it really is just me.#it's just me being oversensitive. because i've never had any REAL experience in ... just about anything #so; yes. it IS on me how I feel and obviously how I react. and I keep pushing it down because it's stupid; really; to still feel this way.#anyways. our last weekend without a competition is this very weekend #so you'll never guess who's having a REALLY FUCKING HARD TIME trying to practice #i'm like this close to going to bed early and without having done the dance warmup for the third day in a row.#лёва there is no TIME why are you STILL NOT PRACTICING for the love of god get it together #(oh also when i say 'friends' in quotes it is because i desparately want to believe we're friends but they dont even talk to me really)#(and because im not even IN most of the show theres not much to bond over. literally like i have everything down Decent enough (apparently)#so theres not even any 'i will help u with this toss' team bonding. no shared moment of we are all out of breath because i DONT DO ANYTHING

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snekdood · 7 months

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ig my biggest issue with fandoms is the almost... false closeness thats there in them? ig since i was a kid and wasnt good at enforcing boundaries and was just excited to find ppl with the same interest I didn't really think about it but be real like, there was a vibe that it was "okay" and "fine" to expose a lot about ourselves to eachother that... i think if we knew eachother irl... we'd hafta be a lot closer than that to see or hear about that stuff...

#like ig am i the only one who thinks its kinda weird when ppl would pass fanfics around??#ig its just kinda normal now or whatever but think about it. youd hafta be closer friends with someone- besides just sharing an interest-#to see their slash fics right?? doesnt it seem kinda weird that ppl used to be so willing to toss that out there #ig the level of anonymity helps but my point isnt rly about the fics so much as it is... sharing information thats personal to you #i definitely didnt know how to assert boundaries as a kid- like i just didnt know it was an option for me to be like 'no i dont want to do #that' -wow that sounds really fucked up outloud huh!#ig my autonomy was taken from me so much as a kid i kinda just assumed i wasnt the one who got a lot of choices #and no one really taught me enough about internet safety .-. my mom did once but... she didnt push very hard #and that ended me up in a lot of shitty situations- like on here. how i posted a pic of myself when i was a fuckin child #sexualizing myself and some adult commented something suggestive back to me and ig i just. thought i had to accept the situation #like i just. thought it was ok to happen. ig since i had so many ppl rob me of my bodily autonomy before that it just seemed normal #or at the very least it was something i couldnt change so i didnt try and at the time figured i had to accept as normal #and since no one intervened to tell me what any of those ppl did to me was wrong i just. didnt think about how it effected me or if that #even mattered #so why is my life so dark exactly whys it gotta be like this tho #ig its kinda hypocritical of me to post this. i mean i use my account as like a diary sometimes or that im just yelling into the void lol #but thats also kinda because of all of this honestly. i think i realized i didnt want it to be that way for a while and stopped #but after all the shit with my abuser on here its like.. i feel like i cant not be as open as i am?#idk its like... a testimony or something ig. idk how to describe it. ig i just feel like ill always hafta be defending myself online from #everything. and if i dont talk about every little thing that makes me fucked up then people wont leave me tf alone about shit i cant contro #or change. like i cant go back in the past and not do whatever. but also as far as any actual harm ive done there isnt really... much there #ive had shitty ideas normalized to me sure but i dont really feel like i passed those ideas on to anyone really

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straawberries · 2 months

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ahahaha. really scared right now this is serious 👍👍👍

I HAVE LESS THAN 3 MONTHS LEFT UNTIL IM KICKED OUT AND DONATIONS ARE AT THEIR ALL TIME LOW WHEN I NEED THEM THE MOST

i am less than halfway towards my goal of 2000 dollars to survive moving out, and at the moment, if current trends hold up, im.. probably not gonna make that amount. i dont know what will happen to me if im not able to safely move out, im a visibly trans autistic person living in texas.

for the love of god, please, if you can, donate anything, and if you can send this to like.. rich friends, or friends with nice jobs, or friends with money they dont need, because i could seriously use some help

im appreciating all the encouraging words ive been getting but.. while kind, words will only get me so far. i dont exactly have options for places to live, so the only place i can go if i dont manage to get enough to move out is on the streets.

i get seeing these posts a lot is annoying, i get doing something about it is annoying, i get clicking on a link and sending money is more than you wanted to do while scrolling tumblr, but if everyone who saw this post and had the ability sent me money, i might make it. things are looking bleak, and im looking everywhere i can for sources of income, but at my current pace.. im donezo without a miracle, i think.

C*SH*PP - @delilahswagga

P*YP*L - @delilahkill

i guess ill do the whole thing again

hi! im delilah, im a plural autistic trans girl in an abusive household in a shitty town in texas. ive been incapable of getting a job because no businesses are trans-friendly and i cant exactly pass as cis, i rarely have enough food in the house, and to top it all off, on june 1 2024 (my birthday, in less than 3 months) i am going to be kicked out onto the streets regardless of what i do. i have no options for places to live, i have no options for actual income, so i have to resort to begging on the internet. i know its annoying but.. i really dont know what else i can do that i havent already tried.

i promise to you, if your money goes to me and helps me survive, it wont be a waste. i have so many dreams that i am desperate to fulfill, im in a large polycule (the above banner is my polycule's "logo"/"flag") with people i love and people that love me dearly, and one day i want to live with as many of my partners as i can, and open a bakery with my boyfriend finn. i try to be the best person i can be, i try to help my friends when they need it (and plenty of my friends have told me ive saved their lives or made their lives much better) and. i just want to live. i dont know how to continue this without just sounding like im guilt tripping, so ill sign off here.

please dont scroll past this. share it if you can, copy the link and post it among you friends just to see if they can help, anything, for the love of god.

#plural #autistic #trans #transgender #trans woman #t4t #polyamorous #polyam #actually autistic

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mrfoox · 1 year

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Talking with Oliver really is the best tbh

#miranda talking shit #Its a roller-coaster for sure. And im sure it is for him as well lmao #I started to tear up bc i thought about Fabian having have told me he really wants to be a father one day and he was so hopeful sounding #So i started tearing up bc i thought of that memory. And Oliver wad like... Why are you crying ? And i wad like... Bc i thought of Fabian #Telling me he wants to be a dad? And after a while he wad like 'i dont understand. Like you saying youre emotional bc #Fabian. Wanting to be a dad like wtf?' and i laughed bc... Yeah that does sound strange to say. To me its natural bc i can recall how he #Sounded. Ive learned to recognize his diffrent tones and he sounded so happy and hopeful and cute so to me that's precious memory #And i talked more than i usually do in general. And shared more and yeah im anxious about that but it was nice #He said one thing that almost made me cry but then i remembered the way of thinking 'he didn't mean it as an insult to me just a fact' so i #Was fine. Aka he said something like 'i think you think youre understanding. But there are things one cant understand if you have not #Experienced it' and thats true. I try to be understanding but also i know i cant understand everything because i have no reference to #Everything. Talking with Oliver is so fucking refreshing for me bc of how diffrent he is and how he talks in general. He says what he feels #Or tries to. I find that great tbh. Open communication and i dont have to think about it and guess bc he'll explain to me instead #So even if i cant relate or understand i will usually hear another diffrent opinion and its fun.#'i think being emotional is nice. I wish i was more emotional. Its nice that you and other people like you are that'#Getting even an general compliment from oliver is a big boost for my ego lol. He hates saying things you personal terms #Im guessing its bc hes scared of intimacy in general meanwhile im ... Kinda similar. I say we often and like to see myself as part #Of an group. Aka my friends. But i will say shit i think openly and be sappy unless i think people wont like it jskfksjajnfjf #It was fun to hear something positive from him tbh. I always admire people and their diffrent qualities but i assume they dislike mine #So hearing someone liking my... Less popular/fun traits is always nice. I know im emotional and sensitive but 9/10 times people find it #Annoying. I personally dont dislike that part of me. When i do its bc i know others think im too much so i dislike making then uncomfortabl

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alexisomnias · 1 month

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— "DO YOU THINK WE STAY TOGETHER IN EVERY UNIVERSE?" . . . | twst

⤷ their thoughts on eternal love

characters | overblot boys

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

“i hope so…”

Riddle wishes he knew if you two were just as happy in another lifetime as this one. What if you hated each other? Despised? Fell out of love? What if you fall out of love in this one? Oh so many thoughts for just one person, one person he wants to love in every lifetime. How he hopes you love him like this in every universe, he can’t imagine one where he would despise you.

He looks over at you and smiles, "I'm quite happy with you in this one." your laugh and positive response has his heart throbbing, he takes a sip of his tea.

Little does he notice are the beautiful white and red roses blossoming beside you.

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

“I hope not.”

No lifetime is the same, what if in another one he got you killed? He could never live with himself if he would’ve. He cant imagine his life without you, but he hopes for you to never go the pain that is him, that you never have to work that hard just to be loved back again.

Leona shuts his eyes with a groan, "just be happy I love you in this one." you laugh shaking your head. He doesn’t open his eyes, keeping his head adverted, instead his tail wraps around your leg in a slow and precise motion, speaking in volumes.

two rogue cats pass by strutting next to you both. You point it out with a smile as Leona turns his head with a grunt.

AZUL ASHENGROTTO

“let’s not think about that.”

Azul immediately shuts down the thought, not because its a bad one, no in fact he’s excited by the idea, but its because he cannot confidently say yes. He isn’t the epitome of lovable, and he isnt exactly a catch… he also almost killed you.

In another universe, lifetime even, he could’ve killed you right then, over petty insecure reasons. Then you two would’ve never been able to share kisses and words of love. He can’t confidently say you’d love him in every universe and form.

In the aquarium of the lounge two fishes of beautiful colors swim by you both side by side.

JAMIL VIPER

“No… I dont think so.”

Jamil says honestly. In another universe the chances of you meeting are very slim, neverless the chances of him avoiding killing you. He likes to think this is the luckiest universe he could have, but deep down he wonders if theres a universe where he loves you freely.

He’d like that, he thinks staring over at you, he’d like to love you free and unbound from the strains that keep him in the Scalding Sands. He’d like to love you in another universe, one where he’s free to love you how he wants, how you deserve.

Past the both of you, two beautiful snakes slither by, blending in with the gorgeous sands of Scarabia.

VIL SCHOENHEIT

“I love you in this one, thats all that matters.”

Vil isn’t as entertained at the idea of other universes as you are. He loves and thrives in this one, he’s happy enough in this world with you so he doesnt have to think about it. To him, no world can be better then this one, if they do exist.

Maybe, in other universes, you two havent even met, maybe your dating someone other then him, vice versa. But theres really no way for him to know, now, is there? Not that it matters to him. He’ll love you with his whole heart here by your side.

Next to him, he smoothes is brush out on the pallet, the eyeshadow he takes from being “Husband” next to pallet “Wife”.

IDIA SHROUD

”you’re crazy…”

he spits out embarrassed. Your getting into the multiverse theories now too huh? twisttok got you too…. don’t get him wrong.. he’s not exactly… against the idea.. its just, you want to love him in other universes too..? Or are you just saying that too tease him… ugh! Don’t get him involved in this kind of theories!!

despite the insulting thoughts, the tips of his hair are pink and he’s resisting the urge to chew his finger nails in embarrassment. How embarrassing! Lets just!! Continue the game!! he urges, eyes adverted as you laugh, your avatars, a couple in the in game universe, run side by side.

MALLEUS DRACONIA

”I’d make sure of it.”

Malleus has no doubt you guys fall in love in every universe out there. He has so much love for you in this one alone he’s sure it could pass on to any alternate versions of him, and if there is one where he doesn’t he believes them to be an absolute disgrace to his name.

If there was a universe where he didn’t love you, didnt want to spend the rest of your years by your side? His cool, large hands slip in with yours. A kiss planted on your forehead.

In the sky above you both, the moon and sun stare across the sky.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #riddle rosehearts #riddle rosehearts x reader #leona kingscholar #leona kingsholar x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader #jamil viper #jamil viper x reader #vil schoenheit #vil schoenheit x reader #idia shroud #idia shroud x reader #malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader #suns pencil.

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malewifesband · 1 month

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as big as the friend confession scene is i love this part best. laios is ofc still under the impression that kabru likes monster food and went thru this big effort to make something special for him and then kabru goes out of his way to be so warm and sweet, and frankly a bit flirtatious like i know he thinks that exit killed it

and hes kinda right bc laios cannot stop staring after him when he leaves and i cannot attribute all that to him being confused about what kabru meant by "dont forget me next time". like laios means it if he says something like "meeting you was the best part of this" those are not empty words even if hes under a false impression about kabru--i dont think its just that kabru shared his interest that has his attention either. i think its bc kabru really engaged with him. i dont think his opinion wouldve changed much if kabru said "nahhhh im good i wont eat a monster cool for you tho have fun" instead of saying he would try it

(and he really is trying the 'laugh at anything he says so he'll feel special' strat here huh.....)

and kabru despite being a stranger he helped get thru to shuro about falins resurrection

and he does it with a sensitivity and care that laios wishes he was capable of and he know it limits him as a leader

the thought laios keeps having about kabru isnt "wow he loves monsters too!" its "wow he is sooooo nice :3" which he is! at this stage he likes kabru bc he feels heard by him and kabru has qualities he knows he lacks but admires greatly and didnt make fun of him or call him weird for his interest in monsters

the way kabru acts and thinks about laios at this point feels allegorical to how people feel in new relationships. can i trust you? are you who you seem? if i tell you how ive been hurt, will you use this to hurt me or to protect me? i dont know yet, but i like you so far, so im going to show you the self that i think you'll like best. i want to impress you. i want you to trust me so maybe i can trust you

so much of dungeon meshi is about the way that we accidentally hurt our loved ones because we cant always understand them, or we dont know whats best for them when theyve been hurt in such complex ways, or because were too scared of being hurt again to tell them not to press into the bruise (see: chimera falin, falin giving up parts of her life to suit/protect marcille and laios bc she loves them, laios driving marcille deeper into the winged lions grip TWICE with his advice in the nightmares and again with the dungeon rabbits, everything chilchuck has ever done in his whole life, laios' father's everything also, and this is a labru post so ofc kabru lying about wanting to eat monsters to impress laios) i wouldnt be surprised if the allegory was intentional

anyways this part of their relationship budding into a toxic little flower theyll have to prune later is very cute to me and i really like reading it again knowing how they turn their relationship around later into one built on a mutual understanding and trust

#labru #i love the mutual crush phase of relationships

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etherealkissed88 · 4 months

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𝐣𝐚𝐧𝐢’𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐰 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞

this is how to actually apply the law & this is how i personally manifest. it includes main points that i always try to share on all social media platforms. this guide will contain five steps for how to manifest. enjoy!

🎀 𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬

𝐈. know the 3d is neutral

𝐈𝐈. identify as the inner self

𝐈𝐈𝐈. be the desired version of you in imagination

𝐈𝐕. fulfill

𝐕. its done

🎀 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭

once you've decided what it is you want...

𝐈. know the 3d is neutral: everything in the 3d has no original meaning, it is always you who assigns it meaning; this is why you are the operant power. you always choose what everything means so stop labeling things as ‘circumstances’ when theres nothing against you, until you give it power by assigning it w meaning. everything in the 3d includes circumstances, thoughts, emotions, doubts, time, everything. all of it has no original meaning. knowing this means that theres nothing to fear and absolutely everything is under your control. as the only source of power, why would you worry about “will this thought manifest?” or “how can i get over this hard circumstance?” when you decide everything’s meaning? no circumstance has power over you, no anxiety has power over you, and this can help you feel more free to make it easier to accept that you really do already have what you want. you cannot be a victim in a reality that has no original meaning. its your choice to identify with any thought or feeling, meaning you have control.

𝐈𝐈. identify as the inner self: yes the human body experiences this 3d. but this human body and five senses are very limited. think about it: if you want to manifest an sp, you cant see your sp's thoughts or if you want to be rich, you cant see money getting transferred into your account, or fat cells burning to give you your desired body. you are also imagination playing the role of this human body and life. so you yourself is limitless, imagining what we label as "limits". imagination = the inner self. you are the inner self who is always present because you are always manifesting and its the inner self (imagination) who manifests. you are always the inner self but when you identify with your human limits you give power to those imaginary limits such as ‘negative thoughts’ and ‘circumstances’ while on the other hand, identifying as the inner self means knowing those limits dont exist. thats why its important to identify as the inner self (you can call it god) who is simply experiencing a human life and has the power to change any aspect of that life. to identify as the inner self, just know you are the inner self and you should never be limited to the human self. if you find yourself searching for shit in the 3d, thats a sign of identifying as the human self. experience what you want as the inner self in imagination to be free. to the inner self everything is instant: when you imagine something it is happening in the now, not past or future. everything is in the present. as the inner self, you remove the idea of a 3d. there is no human self or 3d now, just focus on limitless imagination.

𝐈𝐈𝐈. be the desired version of you in imagination: now that you know you are the inner self, be the desired version of you in imagination. this means imagine using any techniques you want. if you want to be rich, you visualize, affirm, script. use inner convos or sats (and other techniques) to imagine already being the rich version of you. once you imagine it you have already experienced it so it really is done. you also dont have to use a technique, you can simply decide you already have what you want but i personally recommend using a technique at least once. let me give you an example: nelly wants to manifest being rich so she chooses to visualize a scene where she is taking lots of money from the bank to imply that shes rich.

𝐈𝐕. fulfill: whatever you imagine doesnt matter. what matters is how it makes you feel. for example, it doesnt matter if nelly visualized the bank scene or if she affirmed shes rich because techniques dont do anything besides bring you to a fulfilled state. so when to fulfill yourself, imagine whatever you want that provides you a feeling of satisfaction by using whatever techniques you are comfortable with. keep repeating the scene or affirmation or technique until you successfully feel satisfied. you may be able to feel this fulfillment while doing it once or multiple times. you may be able to feel fulfillment in a few days or in one hour. the point is to generally feel good about embodying that ideal version of you. fulfillment = the feeling of knowing you are already that desired version. you reach this state of satisfaction therefore accepting that you already have what you want 100%. the more you continue to get into this fulfilled state, the more natural it becomes so its okay if you dont feel completely satisfied the first time. thats why i said repeat that scene or technique.

𝐕. its done: congratulations, you are what you desired. you are the one with the sp, the one with $100,000, the one living their desired life. continue being/identifying as that person in imagination aka persisting. persisting means continuously choosing to identify with the ideal version of you whenever you think about it. see the world through the eyes of the one who has to their desire already. move thro the 3d knowing it is done in imagination. this means you could continue enjoying your techniques by visualizing or thinking as the desired version of you. but also: thoughts come from your state so if you are in the state of being fulfilled with what you desire then your thoughts should naturally match that. if it doesnt, dont stress, just continue satisfying yourself in imagination. being in the state of the wish fulfilled aka feeling fulfillment helps make it easier to stick with your desired state/assumption. whenever you feel lack, fulfill yourself again and remind yourself that its already done. its already yours. theres literally nothing else to do since you experienced it in imagination, youve fulfilled yourself and feel satisfied in imagination and continue sticking with that regardless of the 3d. regardless of the 3d means you are indifferent to the 3d because you know you are the one in power above the dead 3d. you dont care about what the 3d is showing and you stay true to self because that is how you apply the law.

🎀 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲

know the 3d is always neutral so theres no such thing as something working against you, only you give thoughts and circumstances meaning and power. know this because that proves the only source of power that exist is always you so you control everything and nothing in the 3d can tell you no

identify as the inner self, not the human self because the human self is limited while the inner self is forever free and limitless and experiences everything instantly

be the desired version of you in imagination by using any techniques you want

fulfill yourself by satisfying yourself in imagination with whatever techniques or simple decision. return to this fulfilled state / repeat using your techniques to make it natural and give you that knowing feeling

its done meaning theres nothing else to do but persist. no depending on the 3d when everything is already within you. just experience it in imagination and its done instsntly.

🎀 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 + 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬

“what do i do if there are negative circumstances in the 3d?”

- remember that everything in the 3d is always neutral. you can claim they are negative but dont identify with these ‘circumstances’ by making and dwelling in imaginary negative stories and thoughts. you can say and do whatever you want in the 3d because it never matters (since its all neutral) so theres no need to ignore circumstances. just dont accept them as final. let the discouraged emotions and thoughts out but know you dont have to accept them as true or identify w them. there are negative circumstances. okay and? if circumstances were so hard to get past how is it possible that people still manifest while experiencing the complete opposite of their desire in the 3d? because the 3d and circumstances never matter. you are imagination which always molds the 3d so why worry about the 3d when it will change either way? remember your only job is accepting you have your desire in imagination only. you can accept you dont have shit in the 3d and continue living your normal (shitty) 3d life while still being the version of you who already has your desires in imagination. you can accept the 3d circumstances and move on. im telling you: if you were really fulfilled, you wouldnt care about 'circumstances.' gently get back into the fulfilled state when youre ready. also: you deadass have the choice to identify w the 3d or identify w already having your desire. so its all up to you.

“what should i do if i feel anxiety?”

- whenever i feel anxiety i observe it and let the feeling pass because i know it is always neutral therefore anxiety has no power over me. i would do meditation just to calm myself down but i would not try to force myself to feel fulfilled or do techniques. mental health comes first so relax and calm down, then you gently get back into the state of the wish fulfilled. i dont identify w negative emotions and thoughts. and if i find myself dwelling in it and imagining negative stories, i just stop myself and decide it didnt effect me (or my manifestation in any way). returning to the fulfilled state is always the answer.

“ive been persisting for a long time but it still hasnt reflected”

- stop trying to get shit in the 3d and start being satisfied with already having it. these links might help: 1, 2, 3.

"i feel fulfilled but the next day i fall out the state"

just return to the state whenever your ready. thats all that matters. it doesnt matter what happens but how you react: are you accepting/assuming that you "ruined your manifestation" or do you just move on because you know you are still human who experiences demotivation? read these: 1, 2.

if theres anymore questions, check my masterlists for answers: tumblr, twitter.

🎀 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐢𝐩𝐬

- actually apply the fucking law. a lot of you just ask questions and then “try” to apply and when one thing seems wrong, you go back to asking questions and wasting both your time and mine. persist. apply the fucking law and stop looking for outside validation.

- get tf off your phone. this is my favorite tip ever because the internet and people can rly demotivate you. delete social apps like tumblr and twitter and insta etc. you already know about the law after reading this so give up on search for more info. being independent from the media and your phone rly provides freeness and calmness. you know when you tell your mom your sick and she says something like “its that damn phone”? well lemme be your mother real quick and tell you “its that damn phone” when you complain about “the law not working”. the law is always working. you just arent applying correctly to get what you want. get off the phone and find some other hobbies instead of overconsuming.

- dont use your past “failures” to validate your current experience. you can do it! i know you can! its too easy but you think its hard.

- you always hold all the power so dont identify with negative thoughts and if you do, you can just decide it doesnt affect you (either way it wont unless you identify with the thought/emotion). you always have a say in every second of your life. be the god of your reality.

- remember, your only goal is changing self: you change who you are being in imagination and stick with it. if this post was not clear enough, i have a law of assumption cheat sheet on twitter for clearer info. but after this, its time to delete your apps and actually apply. im not playing.

- for the links that are from twitter: some of them are threads and you could only see it thro the twitter app to see the full thread

thank you so much for reading. i rly hope this helps people and clears things up. now delete your apps and apply! it all comes down to YOU.

kisses, jani ☆

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