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brothersgrim · 4 years

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Deep Character Questions

@asteriixa asked:

1, 10, 17 for 'Taker; 6, 7, 20 for Kane for the Deep Character meme :v

1. Death is an inevitable part of life. What is your character’s experience with death? Have they had someone close to them die? Have they ever killed someone? How did these events affect them? Have they been able to move on? What do they believe happens to people when they die? And why? How does your character feel about death? Do they feel at ease, or uncomfortable with the idea of dying?

His experiences with death? They’re endless. After all, he has become Death, Destroyer of Worlds. That’s not a joke, either - he is literally Death. He started life as the child of a pair of morticians, undertakers, and gravekeepers. Beyond that, he was born a Valdis. Death is in their veins. It’s always been what they do. Thousands of generations of Valdises have grown up with the dead, turning it into their family identity. Taker - or, Adam, at the time - was no different. He learned to climb clambering over tombstones. He was raised on lore and myths and ghost stories instead of fairy tales and the Hungry Caterpillar. He helped prep bodies, learned how to talk to families, and learned the ins and outs of communicating with spirits as a part of growing up. The window of his bedroom overlooked the graveyard. His life revolved around death. As far as he was concerned, that’s where his experiences with death would stay, until his natural end, many years down the line.

And then the fire happened.

And his experience with death became much more personal and much less natural.

He fully believed he watched his entire family die that night. He tried to get into the house, but of course, the firefighters wouldn’t let him get in. The house collapsed and he thought everyone in it died. He’s almost right about that, too. Both his parents died. He was convinced Kane was dead. His maternal grandparents also died when he was young, but he was too little to remember them. He had no close family left. And losing his family broke him. He liked to think he was mature and grown up for his age. And, hell, maybe he was. But he was twelve. He was a child. You can watch a million stranger’s funerals and it will never prepare you for the loss of someone you love. He was scared and alone and didn’t know what was going to happen to him.

After they died, Paul dragged him out to look at his mother’s charred corpse. That didn’t help, either. It’s not an understatement to say that this event (the fire as a whole, and the fallout) changed his life. It was the start of his PTSD, including the panic disorder he mentioned in the fire story, as well as his depression, mood swings, and related suicidal ideations. He never went to his parents’ funeral. Ironically, that might be the only experience with death he never had. Like I said, he’s been to other funerals, but not his parents’, and that’s a very different experience.

After the fire, he was relocated to Houston to live with his aunt and uncle. He’d never met them before. He’d never stayed in a big city for longer than a few hours before. In fact, the high school he was enrolled in had nearly as many students as the entire population of the valley. He absolutely hated it. He wanted to go home. He was the new kid. For the first time in his life, he was the new kid, as opposed to the valley, where they’d all grown up together. He didn’t know anyone, he didn’t want to know anyone, and so he was alone. A good chunk of this was, of course, the untreated PTSD in action. I don’t need to tell you how bad mental health care, especially for young boys, was in the early 70′s.

He also didn’t get along with his aunt and uncle. That’s not to say than Nel and Liam were bad people, or that they didn’t try. They were good, and they did try, but they weren’t equipped to suddenly take in a horrifically traumatized twelve-year-old they’d never met. They just didn’t know the alternative. Send him into the foster system? They couldn’t do that, right? So they took him in. He wasn’t happy, though. He was grieving and didn’t have the environment to do so. This entire debacle caused a shift in his personal views of death.

He used to be sort of neutral about his own mortality. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but he wasn’t afraid of it, either. It was a natural part of life. If his parents and brother had lived long lives and died of natural causes, even if he outlived them, that probably would’ve stayed the way he saw things. But the fire, with its sudden and violent and abrupt nature, changed it, like it changed most things. He wanted his family back. Alive was the ideal, but he didn’t care, necessarily. He just wanted his family. Of course he’s always believed in an afterlife; how could he not? So he knew that there was somewhere they could all be together. There had to be. Maybe that was alive again. Yes, his mother warned him against such things, but she wasn’t there anymore, and he wasn’t in a good state of mind. He couldn’t be in a world without them, in a world where he was forgetting them. He just couldn’t. If they couldn’t come back to life, he’d embrace death. Why not? What’s there worth living for? In essence, he stopped valuing his life, and stopped viewing death as a bad thing. If he died, he got to be with his family again. That’s what he wanted. It’s all that he wanted. His own life, his own existence, was a small price to pay.

I’m not going to go into detail about how he became what he did here, as it deviates a bit too much from the question, but it did involve dying three times. And, you know, violating the laws of nature. (And a bad contract, but he didn’t know about that.) It didn’t bother him, both since he’d been contemplating it anyway, and, as I said, it was a small price to pay. Of course, it didn’t work the way he thought it would, and he came back for the last time alone, and cold, and lacking a pulse. His family wasn’t there. He waited three days and they just weren’t there. (They never were.) Ever since then, he’s never been able to stay dead. He’s tried, of course. This made his experiences even more personal than it was before, and was the first leg in his journey to becoming Death Itself.

He’s died plenty of times since then. A lot of it wasn’t necessarily intentional. Sometimes it was an accident. Sometimes it was on purpose, though not always by his own hand. Sometimes he worked himself to death because he wasn’t told to stop. Sometimes, Paul would have him die and come back as a punishment. It was convenient. Sometimes, Paul (or some of his other owners) just found it entertaining. That was an immortal toy that never broke - they could be as cruel as they wanted with no repercussions! How novel! ... The Undertaker no longer has an exact number for how many times he’s died. He can give a maybe-sort-of rough estimate, but he wasn’t exactly counting when he was young. He and Kane will both tell you different numbers, if you ask. Neither of them are sure. It changes a lot, anyway - the Federation isn’t kind. And, if you ask the Undertaker, he’ll tell you it doesn’t matter anyway.

Of course, his own life isn’t the only one he’s taken. He’s killed before. Sometimes he wanted to. Other times he didn’t have a choice. The first time he wanted to - or earliest time he’s telling me - was Mr. Daryl Jones ‘Darry’ Winstead. Mr. Jones was a trucker who’d passed through the valley relatively frequently and had talked about putting roots down in the valley when he was in Sam’s, or the Rattler on later trips. This was at around the time ‘Taker was coming into his own as the judge of souls, and the first real judgement he passed. He didn’t really know what he was looking at. He’d been sent alone to pick something up because Paul was busy and couldn’t be bothered. I’m not going to go into too much detail about this, or the nature of how Taker judges souls, since it’d be a full drabble on its own, but, long story short, he dragged Darry to hell in the middle of the street in broad daylight. It caused a lot of trouble in town, until an investigation into his “disappearance” brought news that Darry had a tendency to abduct children. After that, people decided they were pretty okay with it. After all, it kept their kids safe. The local religious leaders got some good material out of it. And, besides, strange things happen in the valley all the time. It wasn’t like Darry was really one of theirs, anyways.

There’s also the Ministry of Darkness. That was an interesting time for-- Well, everyone involved. It’s important for me to note here that he wasn’t in his right mind at the time. Between the decades of abuse and torture, the undiagnosed trauma, and whatever the hell Paul did to him, he wasn’t himself. He wasn’t thinking straight, or thinking for himself, especially in the early days. I like to think that that kind of violence, bloodlust, rage, and ruthlessness absolutely exists inside ‘normal’ Taker. Hell, there are plenty of times we see this in his matches and segments against people he particularly dislikes. He also can be rather nihilistic on bad days. In essence, he always had the potential to become Ministry Taker on his own, but he usually had the presence of mind and moral compass to curb those... Impulses, desires, what have you. Ministry Taker was stripped of that control. And god, he was vicious. He really embraced his homicidal side here. He made more than a few human sacrifices, and tried for more. He wasn’t above threatening death upon his subordinates, and carrying out those threats where he felt necessary. Anyone who opposed him better have made peace. I’d say he was on a warpath, but that doesn’t feel right. It wasn’t a path. Paths are linear. His destruction was all-encompassing. There’s a lot of blood on his hands from those days.

Not to say those aren’t the only sacrifices he’s made. I’ve talked a bit about them with some people. The Halloween ritual, for example, takes a life every year. He’s not above it. He’s thorough when he passes his judgement, but it is final. After the Ministry, he comes back to life, which was surreal for him. I think, in a way, this is part of his experience with death, so I’m mentioning it here. It’s the first time in a long time that he isn’t dead. He has to re-adjust to being alive, right down to how it sounds to have a pulse in his ears. He doesn’t know if he’ll come back if he dies like this (he will, he always will), so he’s a bit more cautious with himself. This might be his last chance (it’s not). And then, of course, he gets buried alive again, wakes up again, and it all starts over. Thanks, Kane.

And then there’s the whole ‘judge of souls’, ‘psychopomp’, ‘Grim Reaper’, ‘mortician/undertaker/gravedigger’, ‘Devil Himself’, and ‘Pale Rider’ deal - the act of literally being Death. Like I said, his experiences are endless. He is Death. As I mentioned a few times, he judges souls. He decides whether someone is heaven, hell, or purgatory bound (or appropriate afterlives based on faith and culture). He shepherds souls himself. Sometimes he just hangs out in or opens portals to Hell (sometimes he takes living people there, too). He also deals with the restless dead, whether that’s ghosts, zombies, or something else entirely. He tends the yard and the graves within it. And when he was in his thirties - mid thirties - the Pale Horse showed up for the first time in his memory. He doesn’t know if she has a proper name. He calls her Embla, after the first Valdis. It works. When the world ends, he’s the fourth and final rider (with Kane coming along as the Hell that follows after). He is Death, Destroyer of Worlds. Some people think he’s the Angel of Death as well. Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t. He doesn’t know. He’s certainly never felt holy, and, besides, he’s never liked angels. Too righteous, too self-important. And he doesn’t like having wings. They hurt his back, burn too much energy, and take too much time for transportation. He likes hanging out in Hell better, when he can. He has some dominion over there, anyways, and it’s his brother’s domain.

And then there’s the Morrigan. He doesn’t understand much about that part. She’s just... Well, she’s there, and she’s taking an interest in him, for whatever reason. He doesn’t consider her his ‘patron’; he’s not sure he has one. That’s never really been his philosophy. But, she helps, sometimes. Set him on the right path once or twice.

...

Makes interesting conversation, when she’s not being cryptic.

She’s usually being cryptic.

But, she is a deity, and, whether or not he and Kane can consider themselves to be among those ranks, she is very old and very powerful, and doesn’t mess up his yard, so, on the odd occasions she visits, he sees no need to stir the pot.

Whether or not he’s moved on from any of the more meaningful experiences he’s had is hard to say. Early on, no. The loss of his parents, his brother, his everything, it ruined him. It made him who and what he is. He’ll carry some of that with him for the rest of eternity. That’s just how it is. It shaped him in more ways than one. It certainly doesn’t help that the trauma is brought up and thrown in his face again and again and again throughout his life. It never leaves him, but over time - especially once Paul is dead - he comes to terms with it. He learns to live, or rather, to exist, with the burden, the grief, the memories. I’d argue that Trinity Taker is the best show of him coming to terms with, and perhaps even moving on from, everything that’s happened to him. He learned to recover on his own time, even if it took decades. In his own way. And, against all odds, he managed to. Again, he’ll carry the loss of his parents, and the temporary loss of Kane, with him for the rest of eternity, in one way or another, but he’s learned how to handle the weight. As for being uncomfortable with dying, no.

Of course not.

Honestly, he’s more uncomfortable with being alive.

10. Creativity is how we express ourselves to the world and other people. How does your character show their more creative side? Is it through the arts, like painting, drawing, wood-work, music or writing? Or something less typically thought of as ‘creative,’ like science or engineering? What influences their creative process? Have they ever experienced burn-out? And if so, how did they overcome it? Are they avid in the consumption of other art and creative works? What are their preferences?

He sketches! He also does woodworking, metalworking, and some masonry, but he’s big on sketching in his free time. He finds it relaxing. It also doesn’t take too much effort on his part, so it’s low stress in general. He first learned to draw when he was little. His parents encouraged it in both the boys; it’s important in the business. The fridge was often covered in little baby drawings. They have to be able to draw plans when they take over. Besides, creativity is important for kids, and it gave them something to do when the weather got bad. The boys had fun.

Taker is a pretty good artist by the time he’s in his 20′s. We’ve seen he’s capable of doing more detailed drawings, as some of the sketches of caskets he’s done have the individual lines of the wood grain drawn into them. He takes pride in his work, after all. However, when he’s sketching just to sketch, he generally goes the simple route. Dark outlines, minimal details. Nice and simple and quick. It’s almost cartoony! If he likes something and wants to clean it up, he might add more to it, but not always.

Interestingly, you won’t find any doodles on his work notes. He tries to keep them professional. As I said, he takes pride in his work, and it’s a legacy he hangs onto. His parents’ legacy. If he has scrap paper and he’s got free time - the latter of which is a rarity - he might sit down and draw. You might catch him doodling on long plane rides or while he waits in the airport. He also keeps a journal later in life, after the Ministry. He draws in that.

He also draws blueprints for the bikes he makes - even if he often ends up deviating from them during the process - and sometimes makes the stencils for the paint jobs, if he ever decides on putting something fancy there. If he wants something too fancy, he might get a shop to paint it on, but he’s done his own work a few times. I guess, speaking of bikes, you can also consider those part of his creative side. He loves motorcycles. They’re an escape for him. He has two or three bikes that are his babies - including his Harley-Davidson (his first bike) and his custom Titan (both choppers) - and then a handful of project bikes at any given time. The projects are the ones he experiments on, if he’s not sure that something will work or that it won’t work with his keeper bikes. Just for fun.

Sometimes he rides the tester bikes on longer trips, just to see how they perform, out on the lonely highways around the Valley. Just finds a straight, empty path and goes. Rarely, he might sell them when he’s done, but this doesn’t happen often. He cherishes his bikes, after all. He makes them for people he loves on special occasions. He’s made them as wedding gifts, and, in the Ael and Xion timeline, as a birthday gift. If he loves you, he’ll probably make you a bike (if you want one).

As for influences... Well, he reads a lot of books about bikes. A lot of magazines and manuals. A good majority of books on his shelves are about bikes. If he sees one on TV he likes, he’ll look into that, too (made much easier with the invention of the internet). Same with movies. He draws usually random things he sees, if it’s not for work. Maybe something stuck on his mind that he can’t stop thinking about. He might draw doodles next to notes in his journal to help him remember things. Like Kane, he’s a pretty visual guy. Plus it keeps him entertained, and it’s a private little thing. He likes his privacy. Sometimes it’s just aimless shapes. Whatever, really. Burn-out is rare for him. He wasn’t allowed to experience it for years. He always had to keep going. There was always more work to do. So, the art he does now is how he takes his mind off work, and the burnout of a constant grind - especially the bikes. Since he’s usually so busy with work and training and fighting, he doesn’t have a lot of time to work on his more creative pursuits, and thankfully, that generally helps him avoid severe burnout. ... Unless his PTSD/depression kicks into overdrive. Sometimes, all he can do is wait it out. Sometimes he drinks. Depends on the spot in the timeline.

I suppose you could say he consumes a lot of art. I mean, he’s covered in tattoos. Arms, neck, stomach... He loves them. They’re kind of his thing. If you ever want to know where the best shops in any given area are, he can probably tell you. And, of course, his bikes - he has a few of ‘em. He likes working on them, and sometimes, he’ll go to bike shows. He’ll also look at them in books and magazines, as I mentioned above. He’ll sometimes watch TV, and he does like movies, but he prefers to watch them at home than in a theatre. He reads, sometimes. He’s not quite as into it as Kane, but he’s self-taught on most things, too. Paul didn’t let him go to school, so his formal education stopped at his fourteenth birthday. Books helped a lot. He prefers action movies himself. Things like Die Hard, Fast and Furious, Rambo, that kind of thing. He doesn’t have to think too hard and can just relax. He can just sit back and watch, while still getting some story out of it. Pretend everyone’s life is full of brutal violence. He also really likes westerns, but he’s picky about it. Gotta get a good one. He won’t watch horror movies or read scary stories at all. Not because he gets scared, but because he gets annoyed with how wrong everything is. No, that’s not what Hell is like. No, that’s not how possession looks. That’s not an exorcism - at least not a Catholic one, he was drinking with an exorcist from the Vatican last Tuesday, he knows these things. Sometimes, if he wants something to complain about, he’ll watch a horror movie, but he won’t watch one for legitimate enjoyment. For that reason, he rarely watches them alone - he wants someone to gripe at.

He also has a soft spot for detective and mystery movies. JT was big on them and used to watch them all the time in the evenings. Taker might not have clear memories of snuggling up to his dad on that old beaten couch, but he does find them somewhat comforting. As for books, he likes, as I mentioned, motorcycle books and magazines. He’s read a lot about business and stuff too, especially once Paul was gone. Had to learn. He still has some of those books, though he keeps them upstairs rather than in the guest-accessible library. He’s tried reading some magic books, but, for the most part, he never really took to them. A lot of it doesn’t fit with how he works; there are too many systems of magic in the world. And he has a minor beef with David Blaine and Co. Besides, he learned by doing, in that instance. He’s also not a fan of romance and slice of life stories. Not in books, not in movies. Later in life - especially Trinity Taker - he might watch them if someone in his family asks him to sit with them, but they’re not his cup of tea. Early on, they - especially slice of life - just remind him of things he lost. He’s not as big on superheroes as an adult as Kane is, but you can bet the baby spooks would save up their allowance to buy comic books and spend their free Saturday mornings watching cartoons together - or, ironically, wrestling or sports magazines. Again, he reads mystery books. He kinda likes them on a personal level. Sometimes he tries to solve them before the main character does, sometimes he just critiques how accurately the body, if there is one, and clues related to it are depicted (being a legitimate undertaker/coroner, he knows about this sort of thing). He reads magazines on woodworking, too, and metalworking. See if there are any new techniques he should look into. He also reads the Valley’s paper. It’s not like there’s any big news, but he likes looking at the obituaries and checking the weather. When he was little, he and Kane were never big on fairy tales from books. They preferred the stories their parents told them, passed down through the respective families. They were always more interesting. Sometimes he does pick up a history book or religious text, but that’s usually only when he needs to deal with a troublesome spirit. It helps.

As far as music, he likes classic rock. AC/DC, Ozzy Osbourne, Rush (Kane’s favourite; he made sure to take little brother to a concert), Metallica (that’s a big favourite), Aerosmith, Guns N’ Roses, Pink Floyd, the Scorpions, Santana, Warrant, hell, he’ll even throw in with the Rolling Stones at certain times. Def Leppard and Lynyrd Skynnyrd depending on his mood. He likes some metal, too. Angry music helps, and it keeps the pace while he trains. He’ll also listen to country sometimes. In the Takersnake timeline, he’s listened to hundreds of repeats of Dolly Parton’s greatest hits... Because of how often Steve plays it on road trips. He doesn’t mind it too much, though. Whether he just likes Dolly or likes that it reminds him of spending time with his husband, he's definitely grown to appreciate it. He’ll listen to some instrumental, too. I know, I know, not a genre, but still. He likes them. He’s not much a fan of classical music as a whole, it’s a bit too slow for him as a whole. There are a few songs he might like, but by and large, the genre isn’t for him. He doesn’t usually like pop, as it’s too happy for him. Too upbeat. His partner might convince him to dance with them in the kitchen if some swing or folk comes on. Sometimes he just needs something to break the silence. Sometimes he needs silence. It depends on the day.

17. Parenthood is a significant event in many people’s lives. Does your character have any children? Be they biological or adopted. If so, talk about them and your character’s relationship to them. Is this relationship healthy and good, or broken? Does your character want anymore children? How do they hope their relationship will change with their children as they grow? If your character doesn’t have kids, do they want any? If they don’t, discuss their feelings on the matter. If they do, talk about their reasons and their plans.

Oh boy, does he. Of course, he has his biological son, Jon Moxley (of @ofgrief fame). Beyond that, it’s verse dependent, but one of the other big ones is, of course, Xion. He’s picked up plenty of others, here and there, some step children in some verses, et cetera. Given that those two (Jon and Xion) have had the most development, I’m gonna focus on them.

His relationship with Jon is strange, to say the least. They started out not knowing they were related. Taker didn’t even know Jon existed until Jon came to the Federation, as bad as that sounds. As far as Taker was concerned, Jon was a kid who’d just done a stupid thing, but had a lot of guts to get it done, and the talent to keep himself alive. And, hell, he hated Brock Lesnar, too. He understood. He’d’ve done the same. So, he came around and scooped this kid out from under Vince’s latest tantrum. He took Mox under his wing. Vince wasn’t gonna fire this kid if he wanted to keep his kneecaps. They were friends, more than anything else. Drank together, tussled, made shitty jokes, talked shop. It became normal for Taker to just find Mox in his kitchen eating his cheese and guzzling his beer without warning. Neither of them had any idea they were related. Why would that notion ever cross their minds? When it did click, it culminated exactly how you’d think: A brief shouting match with lots of cursing. They’re both volatile people. Emotions ran high. After a while, after a lot of shouting, after a lot of cussing, they finally got the story straight and calmed down a bit. Taker still had to take a while to come to terms with Liz’s fate and being a father, but Jon was reportedly just glad that his father was ‘a good person’ (Taker doubts his judgement).

After that, things go... Nearly back to normal. They talk again, hang out again. It’s still more of a friends than a family sort of relationship. Taker becomes more protective of Mox, but he tries to keep a handle on it. Jon is an adult. He can take care of himself. He’s done well enough up til now. ... But it’s still his firstborn son. His only son.

Only child.

Only trace of Liz.

Of course he knows Jon isn’t his mother. And of course nobody’s ever going to take Liz’s place. But Jon is his son, Jon is maybe the only good thing about his continued existence (Taker’s unspoken words), Jon is the only thing he has left of the first person he ever loved. He only just got him (back?), and that carries a pretty significant weight. He tries to give Jon his space. He does. But, even if he keeps it to himself, hides it behind teasing jabs and impromptu sparring matches, he worries. He’s proud as hell of that boy, but he worries. He can’t help it. But he knows without a doubt Jon’s going to do amazing things.

He already has.

And then there’s Xion. She’s an interesting case. She’s his adopted daughter, and she just showed up one day. He knows she came looking for Aeleus, and that’s about it. He doesn’t ask; not his business. All he knows is she needed a place to stay and someone to look out for her. She was dirty, and tired, and thin, and looked so worn down. He couldn’t just leave her out there. He’s learned not to rely on other people to step up, especially in her situation, so, why not him? He felt like he had to, almost. Surprising many people, it worked out. It was a relationship based of off the simple nature of Same Trauma. He knew how to talk to her because he wished someone talked to him that way. He knew mostly how she felt because he felt the same way. He just understood her. They understood each other, even if they didn’t know it at first. It helped, but it also hurt. They’re both stubborn. They both don’t like being told what to do, or having to take care of their own injuries. They’re not used to it. They’re not used to being people. They’re weapons, things.

Again, same trauma.

So it’s interesting. They have to warm up to and adjust to everything. It happens, though, and they end up very close because of it. He didn’t get to raise Jon (in the main timeline), and that’s something he’ll always regret, so it’s nice to be able to teach Xion some things, too.

I suppose, in a way, he does view her as a proxy - another chance to be a halfway decent father. To be a father at all. He loves both his children, of course. But he and Jon are more like friends than father and son, due to the nature of their relationship. It’s different. ... Besides, he and Xion have the same trauma. He would have liked someone to step up and help him through it when he was in her position - he can’t stand aside when he sees her. He can’t. He has to try to be better.

I don’t think he wants more kids. I don’t think he wanted kids to begin with. Don’t get me wrong, he loves kids, and, in a better life, he’d probably want at least two (he can’t imagine being an only child). But now, in the life he lives, with everything that happened to him, he’s not sure he can raise a child. He’s not sure he should raise a child. Especially early on, he doesn’t exactly consider himself a good or safe person to be around for most adults. But he also has a saviour complex a mile long, so if he sees a child who needs an adult or a protector, he can’t really say no. Hell, he’ll even do that to people his own age, or close to it. He has to be able to protect people. This means he gathers kids to him like moths to a flame. You can usually find him looking after someone, child or no, if you hang around long enough.

He hopes - always - that he can keep a good relationship with his kids, even if it feels like a flight of fancy. He’s dangerous. He’s a magnet for misfortune. Even not taking into account the trauma he has that he refuses to acknowledge most days, he really doesn’t think he should be around kids. But, again, he can’t just leave someone in need. Honestly, he’s amazed that Jon wants anything to do with him, let alone comes to visit at times. He’s amazed Xion ended up so well-adjusted (relatively). He does his best for them. He doesn’t want to fail someone else, doesn’t want to let someone else down. He can’t. So he hopes that he can give them the best tools to live their lives and be their own people, but he definitely does want them to stop by again for a visit, when they have the time. He loves them.

---

6. The mind includes our cognitions and thought processes. How does your character learn best? By listening? Reading? Or through doing? No one is truly rational, but do they consider themselves to use logic or emotion? Is your character contemplative or introspective? Or do they focus more on observation, and use of their senses to learn? Are there are peculiarities in their thought patterns? What sorts of intelligences do they excel in? I.e., book learning, music, social, mechanical, spatial, etc.

He’s a mix of a visual and kinesthetic learner. Reading/seeing and doing are the best ways for him. A good example of this is when Taker tells Kane to use the Last Ride on Kaientai. Kane didn’t get it on the first try, so Taker did it slowly so he could see the different parts, and then Kane nailed it. Not that Taka and Funaki appreciated it, but Kane sure did. Big brother understood what he needed, just like always. He’s lucky in this sense. Reading was one of the only things he had to do in the hospitals - when he had even that - so he learned through reading. Again, lucky him for being a visual learner. Being able to retain that information helped a lot. You have to remember that Kane never went to school after the age of 9. Almost everything he knows, he’s self taught. Lots of reading, lots of television. Lots of listening to people who thought that mute meant deaf. You hear a lot like that. But yes, mostly, he learns through watching, reading, seeing, and doing.

Kane knows he’s emotional. He’s well aware he can have issues with self-control. However, he also knows he’s more rational than people think. He’d like to think he’s close to the middle - especially later on, after he’s been in therapy for a while - but leaning closer towards emotional.

Early on after his release, he’s definitely extremely emotional. Again, he tries for logic, but it’s hard to keep his cool at first. He’s suffered a lot, and people love exploiting that. He’d only just been released from being kept in a basement, and then a series of mental hospitals, for two decades. It was a game among a lot of guys in the back to try to corner him and rip off his mask. His abuser of 20 years was his manager. Other abusers also jumped in and, aside from his brother, nobody bothered to do anything about it. It was encouraged. Speaking of his brother, their relationship was wild and violent and fluctuating (mostly due to abuse). Vince hung his mental health over his head and threatened to have him committed again if he didn’t follow orders. He was set on fire multiple times because people thought it was funny. His first-ever girlfriend was not only manipulative and abusive, but was cheating on him with his abusive best friend. His brother kept dying. Sometimes that was his fault. Sometimes it wasn’t. His first child, by another manipulative and unfaithful love interest - his first wife - was miscarried and he was blamed for it. He was dragged away in a straightjacket because he disobeyed Vince. He’s had both his father and his brother kidnapped and held over his head. This isn’t nearly everything that’s happened to him, not by far. I just don’t think I can fit it all here without it being too run-on. He’s been through hell, which is ironic. So, yeah, he’s pretty emotional. But can we really blame him? I would’ve flipped my shit, too.

Overall, he’s pretty contemplative, but introspective in almost equal measure. He had a lot of time to think, and not a lot to think about. He often thought about himself, and what people said about him. His diagnoses, his appearance, his past, his circumstance... He heard a lot, and had a lot to think about.

Kane is much more aware, and much more intelligent, than people give him credit for. He thinks a lot. Given that Kane does recognize his problems and try to fix himself, he’s capable of being introspective. He thinks about himself, studies himself, looks inward. He doesn’t always do a good job of it, but he does try.

...

Sometimes.

It’s often skewed by what he’s told; unfortunately, he’s easily manipulated, especially when he’s younger. He doesn’t always think for himself when he thinks about himself (or other things, but mostly about himself). And contemplative... Again, he’s had a lot of time to think. He got really good at listening, and observing, and processing the world around him throughout his confinement. He thinks, and he thinks, and he thinks. During the Who Was Phone storyline, he’s the one who figures out Shane’s innocence long before his brother did (and if he hadn’t, Taker would have killed Shane). He (allegedly) figured out who Fake Kane was long before anyone else (before that was dropped). He’s a smart guy. He can figure things out. Of course, that comes from his observation.

Again, he had a lot of time to watch and to think. In fact, you’ll notice him staring pretty intently in a lot of scenes, especially during nonverbal periods. He’s very curious. Kane is very observant, outside of relationships. That’s one of his biggest blind-spots.

Yes, Kane is very observant. He’s also, especially early on, far too capable of idealization and hero worship. This isn’t too bad when it comes to his brother, but that’s about the only time it doesn’t go badly. Kane doesn’t have a lot of experiences with healthy relationships after the fire, but he has a lot of experience with dependency and being manipulated. He was ‘raised’ to need people. Because of this, he puts up with a lot of what he shouldn’t and tends to look at people through rose-colored glasses. Take Tori, for example. She was pretty blatantly manipulating and abusing him through the entire, well, at least the entire last half of their relationship. She lied against video evidence, twisted the truth, egged him on, and put Kane into fights and other dangerous situations to benefit herself and her lover (X-Pac), but it’s not until Tori kisses X-Pac in front of Kane and leaves Kane bleeding and battered in the ring until Kane realizes what a lot of people had been telling him: That she was bad news. X-Pac himself is another great example, given that Taker spent a long while trying to make Kane aware of ‘Pac’s abusive tendencies, but eventually had to give up and let Kane figure it out on his own. Kane needs someone. More than that, Kane needs to be needed by someone. Paul taught him that if he wasn’t useful, he’d be ignored. That sounds bad enough on its own, but being ignored meant a complete loss of his humanity and the meagre security he had. Paul’s approval meant, over the course of Kane’s confinement, food, social interaction, medical care, an ‘advocate’, a place to live, psychiatric care, and psychiatric ‘care’, as well as a chance for ‘revenge’. Hell, there are some days when Paul’s approval meant access to light. That’s not a metaphor, either. On darker months, stormy days, or days something covered the one window that peeked into the basement, it would only be at Paul’s discretion that Kane wasn’t left in a pitch-black room. That was how it went for twenty years.

Two whole decades.

He needs people to approve of him because he feels like if he doesn’t have approval, he will die, because that was literally the case for two decades of his life, including most of his formative years. It’s pretty deeply ingrained. It sort of gets fixed later on with therapy, but a big ‘fix’ is through the reparation of his relationship with his brother. It’s still unhealthy to have that kind of fixation and loyalty complex, yes, though again, therapy lessens it. I’m not at all saying it’s healthy. I’m saying if he has a fixation/loyalty complex like that, Taker might be the best person for him to have that with. Taker, at least, genuinely cares for Kane and tries to keep his best interests at heart. He looks after his brother, he tries to be honest with him, he tries to encourage Kane’s autonomy and healing. So, again, it’s not healthy to have fixations like that, but, if he had to pick someone, at least this time, it’s not an abuser. ... All this to say that Kane has some holes in his observational prowess. Those holes are shaped like whoever he loves, or at the very least, has latched onto at the time. It took him years and years to notice the holes in Paul’s story about the fire, and years more to act on it. He tends to turn a blind eye to things like that, because in the choice between ignoring an unpleasant truth, even to personal risk, or being alone, he’ll usually choose to ignore the truth. Even he has his limits - they just take longer to reach.

I guess you could say his thought process is peculiar. It’s easily influenced by people he loves, as mentioned above. During bad times, his thoughts get pretty disjointed and chaotic. It can be hard to put his ideas together, which is why he often relies on someone else to give him guidance during this situation. When he’s angry, he gets very single-minded. Very focused. He’ll do mind games like his brother, sure, but god, he holds grudges like nobody else. That can take over his thoughts for decades, as we’ve seen. It can shape his life. He also associates people with footsteps. That’s what the basement and hospital did to him. He learned to listen. So sometimes, if he’s having trouble thinking of someone’s name, he’ll think of them in relation to their footsteps. He listened to them when Paul was walking over him when he was in the basement. They told him where Paul was, what kind of mood he was in. Sometimes there weren’t good windows in the hospitals, so he would listen for steps there, too. It gave him something to do. Something to think about. It’s better than nothing. He also doesn’t always have the best grasp of culture, so he doesn’t get a lot of references, but, oh well. Just means he has to learn more. Guess that’s about it!

And then we have his intelligence areas. I think I sort of touched on this early on, but it puts a neat little bow on things. Like I said, he’s very good at book learning. He read a lot as a kid, and he’s self-taught on a lot of subjects. He likes books. Lord of the Rings is his favourite. Remember, he didn’t go to school past the age of nine. He was stuck in the basement, in the hospitals. In his down time, he reads a lot. He’s also very kinesthetic. Of course he’s good at moving, that’s what he was raised for. It’s also what he grew up doing before the fire. He and his brother spent their childhoods climbing over gravestones and running through the forest, swimming in the gorge and trying to climb up the sides and finding things to jump off of. They were always good at getting everywhere. Their dad used to joke about it. Kane’s not great at social things. He learns and gets better, but he’s never good at it. He missed out on a lot of development. He needs help with this. He’s also never really done anything musical. He kinda sings, but that’s for fun, not to sound good - hell, half the time it’s to insult someone. He wants to learn drums! Maybe someday. He thinks they’re cool, and Rush has drums, and he likes Rush. He’s also got a high spatial awareness. That’s both a mix of his training, and just a product of abuse. He always knows what’s going on. Always aware. He has to be. He has to know where he is in relation to other things, and where other people are in relation to him, in order to last in a fight. He has to know where people are also in order to not offend them. In order to not do anything wrong. He’s not as good at mechanical as his brother. He learns some basics of course, Taker makes sure of it, but it’s not really his thing. He’s good at cooking, though! I don’t know if that counts. I think that about sums it up! His mind is an enigma.

7. Mental health is very important to our overall well-being. Has your character ever had challenges to their mental health? If so, what? How did they learn to cope with their symptoms? If they recovered, what factored into it? Have they ever received counseling, diagnosis, or treatment for their mental health? How was this experience, was it helpful?

Gina, I swear, you do this to hurt me. Everyone knows Kane’s struggled with his mental health - and I mean everyone. It was never a secret. People have been using it against him from the start. It started, as most things do for the boys, with the fire.

Before that, he was a pretty average, happy kid. Good home life, decent friends, supportive family, no genetic predisposition... He was doing alright. And the fire happened. You know better than I do what kind of changes that can cause in anyone’s mind, especially a little one like Kane. He was nine. He burned alive. He watched his mother die. That alone would be enough to give him lasting trauma, but of course, that’s not where it ended. Not even close.

Next was the basement. That was another kind of hell, different from the fire. It was so cold and dark and musty that he often thought it was the opposite. No freedom. No sunlight. Limited movement. Limited food. The only interaction he got was Paul, unless you count the rodents and insects that sometimes got in. Do I need to go on about how that was bad for his mental health? He was already a traumatized child. Paul did everything he could to gaslight and manipulate him and make it worse. ‘Your brother did this to you’ was a common mantra, as were ‘your brother hates you’, ‘the world hates you’, ‘you only need me’, ‘you’re a monster’, ‘I’m the only one who loves you’, ‘you owe me your life’, et cetera. He heard a lot of that. It was near-constant. It digs into him like a hook and won’t let go. He learned to accept them as ‘true’. They had to be. If they weren’t, his worldview crumbled. Everything he existed for would crumble. After all, he’d been taught that he had only survived because of divine intervention (and Paul) to get revenge on his brother for himself and his parents (and Paul). This continued into his commitment in the series of hospitals he was in. You might think that the hospitals helped.

They did not.

Well, some of them did. There were a few good ones. Emphasis on ‘few’. Paul didn’t want a hospital that would help Kane. He didn’t want anything to help Kane. If Kane got help, Kane might realize how little he needed Paul. He might realize that Paul treats him terribly. He might realize how much bigger and stronger and more powerful than Paul he is. That would be bad for Paul. If anything, Paul wanted a storage unit. A kennel, if you will, for his most loyal guard dog. ... Plus, he didn’t have a lot of money (or, so he claimed). Even if he did, we both know he wouldn’t spend it on Kane. Because, when he does get money, he doesn’t. New suits, new car, fancy foods, sure, but not Kane. Not ‘Taker, either. So, if you can imagine cheap, non-vetted mental hospitals in the 70′s, you’re getting the beginnings of a picture of what it was like. Just the beginnings, though. It got worse. It always got worse. Paul made sure he didn’t get an accurate diagnosis. That would let Kane get help and go against his mission statement. Sometimes, he did this by bribery. Funding was down. The economy sucked. People were desperate. And, hell, not everyone joined the psychology field out of the goodness of their hearts. It wasn’t difficult once Taker started raking in money from fights (all of which went to Paul).

He also accomplished this by setting the scene when he finally called for Kane to be taken away. He didn’t want the headache. Had better things to do, you know? He couldn’t be home all the time to make sure Kane had food or whatever. So he needed something that would make sure they would take Kane away, and keep him away. So, he set to work. He trashed his house, roughed himself up a little, played the terrified victim, and got his son dragged away for a violent crime he did not commit. He claimed these outbursts were common, but getting worse. Always violent and angry and never wants to speak to anyone. So cruel. So vile. Tortured animals, you know (the squirrel carcasses proved that). It was a pretty easy case to make. Entirely false, but easy. So Kane was dragged off on the premise of being violent and antisocial. The fact that he had been told leaving the basement would kill him, and resisted with tooth and nail being removed, did not help. Clearly, there was something wrong with that kid. So he was misdiagnosed.

He was also terribly mistreated over the course of his ‘treatment’. As I said, not everyone entered the mental health field to help. And it was the 70′s and 80′s, and into the 90′s as well. Even those who were good-intentioned were not always the kindest, and the methods of the day were at times extremely cruel. Hydrotherapy, electroshock, experimental medication... Experiments in general. Again, it wasn’t a kind existence. It also didn’t help that Paul kept him moving between hospitals. Sometimes it did. Sometimes it got him out of a particularly bad hospital. Sometimes he was put into a good one. Sometimes he was taken out of one of the rare good ones and put into a bad one again. It depended on the move. Of course, that wasn’t what Paul cared about. He had three reasons for moving Kane as often as he did. First, to make Kane harder to find. Nobody could know Kane was still alive. Second, for Paul to cheap out. He would move Kane when rates went up, or if he ‘couldn’t make a payment’ and got their services revoked. And third, because he didn’t want Kane getting help. He kept him moving so no doctor could get to know him. He couldn’t get on a steady regime of treatment. He couldn’t get a routine. Couldn’t make friends, even if anyone was allowed near him. Was always the ‘new patient’ that the staff whispered about. Paul could use their whispers against Kane. They’re afraid of you, son. Think you’re some kind of monster. A freak. Hear ‘em whispering? I’m the only one who cares about you. You only need me.

And then, eventually, Kane’s released. You’d think that’d be a good thing, right? It wasn’t. He wasn’t released because he got better. He wasn’t released because he had learned how to handle his trauma. No, he was released because Paul needed someone who could fight ‘his’ Undertaker, who had broken away from him and taken the home out from under his control. Paul lost his cash cow and he needed someone to bring it back or prove to be better. That person to fight ‘his’ Undertaker was, of course, Kane. Between the psychological trauma of it all with the learned loyalty complex and the fact that Kane could measure up to ‘Taker physically, and had some magic of his own, Paul knew it was his best bet. Plus, it would help ruin Taker’s life. Or- ‘life’. Taker didn’t exactly have the biggest support network. He didn’t really have friends. No family he was even remotely close to. If Paul could establish him as someone who had murdered his parents and disfigured his brother, he’d have an even harder time establishing a network. Either way, Paul would come out on top. Either he broke his Undertaker back into submission, or Kane got rid of the Undertaker. He didn’t see a way of losing. So, he brought Kane out. He encouraged Kane to hate his brother. Goaded him into reprehensible acts that would tear at his sanity at later days - murdering his brother, destroying his parents’ graves, et cetera. It wasn’t a good time for him. It didn’t get better, not for decades. Because when Paul wasn’t aggravating Kane’s symptoms and abusing him, someone else was. Sometimes, it’d be Paul and someone else at the same time.

There was Tori, his first girlfriend. She claimed to love him, manipulated him, cheated on him, then helped to humiliate him, beat him, set him on fire, et cetera.

There was XPac, his ‘best friend’ and first friend (outside of his brother) after the fire. He was the same time as Tori. He also lied to Kane, abused Kane, tried to guilt him into abandoning his brother, slept with his girlfriend, beat Kane, and also set him on fire. Kurt also manipulated him into thinking he’d be his friend on the condition that Kane fought his brother.

Vince kept Kane like a ‘pet’, constantly demeaning him and putting him down and ordering him around on the condition that if Kane disobeyed, he’d be sent to an asylum again. This, inevitably, resulted in Kane being dragged away in a straight jacket for Vince’s amusement. There was the whole May 19 thing. The running joke of ripping off Kane��s mask. Triple H spreading rumors that Kane was a necrophiliac and dressing up as him to keep the “joke” going. Lita manipulating Kane, the miscarriage, Lita cheating on Kane. The divorce. The forced therapy with a quack therapist who, quite frankly, exacerbated everything. The list goes on. The world has not been kind to him.

So, yes, he’s gotten therapy. Is it good therapy? Sometimes. On the odd occasion it was, and it helped. There were a few people who tried for him. Nurse Dee, Dr. Ven, Davis the Cook, to name a few. Eventually, he goes to a better therapist, but that’s in his late forties-early fifties, once he shakes Shelby, after Paul is dead. It helps. His brother helps, too, as does his therapy/emotional support cat, the Big Red Mewchine (Mewchine or Mew for short; she also comes along later). He also gets a weighted blanket in his room, and Taker gets him a little air-conditioning unit for it, too. He also doesn’t have a mirror in his room, and he and Taker put little shutters over the bathroom mirrors in the home so they can be ‘shut’, hiding the reflective surface. Taker also replaces the interior locks on most doors with the ones on doorknobs that let you see from afar if they’re locked or not. Kane also goes to therapy and is on medication, though I’m not exactly qualified to say what drugs and dosages he’s on. To cope with being nonverbal, he carries around a pen and pad, and learns American Sign Language. He frequently wears one of many masks, which I’ve talked about before, to keep his face covered. Sometimes, he finds healthier ways to fuel his pyromania: Cooking and bonfires, for example. Other times, he just sets whatever (or whoever) he wants on fire; it’s not like anyone’s really around to stop him. He spars with his brother to get some aggression out. Other times, he just punched people in (and out of) the ring and set whatever and whoever his heart desired on fire. Early on, he’d check the kitchen and/or pantry of where he lived to make sure where was still food. He doesn’t do that as much later in life, partially because - especially while he lives with his brother - he’s allowed to be the one in charge of cooking. He goes for walks outside when he feels claustrophobic. Sometimes, if it’s raining, he just sits outside. He likes the way it feels.

So, I’m gonna touch briefly on what I believe Kane’s diagnoses would be. I do want to stress that while I’ve done and continue to do research, and I’ve spoken to a lot of qualified people on the subject, I myself am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or even more than tangentially involved with the medical/mental health fields. I apologize in advance for any inaccuracies that may arise. I think the first, and most obvious, illness Kane has is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I’ve heard mixed results as to whether it’s different or not, but I think he might also have complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). As it was explained to me, post-traumatic stress disorder is the result of a one-time trauma - for example, the fire - whereas complex post-traumatic stress disorder is the result of a long-time trauma - for example, the time he spent in the basement - but again, I do understand this is the subject of some debate in the field. Kane is a deeply traumatized person. From the day of the fire on, he’s been through things nobody should have to put up with once, let alone on a recurring and-or long-term basis.

His trauma manifests in mood swings, usually in the form of aggression and mania, as well as nonverbal periods, hypersensitivity/overstimulation, paranoia or anxiety (depending on the situation) sometimes to the point of panic attacks, and low-energy/depressive periods. He can also enter disassociative states that can take a while to break out of, and has a tendency to latch on to or fixate on people who he perceives as being sources of love or affection, to various extremes: sometimes hurting them (as was the case with Kelly Kelly and Trish, and Lita later on), or putting his own well-being completely aside for them (for example, Paul, Taker, Tori, XPac, and Lita early on). Kane also has body dysmporphic disorder (BDD) stemming from his trauma with a focus on his scars. It’s pretty well established that, for the most part, Kane’s actual scarring is superficial at best. He has a more prominent one on his back, but on his face, arms, legs, they’re very small and/or faint (aside from his damaged eye). He does have a few scars from his time in the hospitals and from fights, but again, they’re not terrible. That’s not how Kane sees himself. There are some days when he doesn’t mind his appearance at all, and other days when he sees the scars as being grotesque and disfiguring, like Paul always told him they were. Another symptom of his trauma is that he can be very food-insecure, so it’s best to leave him with his plate rather than risk being incinerated for stealing a fry. You would also be wise to give him his space while he cooks. He also gets very claustrophobic; he doesn’t like small spaces much. He’s also touch-averse, day depending, but especially in regards to his head. On very days, he can also experience hallucinations.

As I’ve said, he does go to therapy. It eventually helps. Unfortunately, it’s not something he’ll ever be ‘cured’ of. He’s going to carry his trauma with him for the rest of his life. Over time, he does get better at managing his symptoms. He does learn how to cope. The proper therapy helps, the support of his family helps, the death of Paul helps.

He does get better.

It’s a long and difficult journey, but he comes out the other side.

And even after all that effort, VINCE STILL DIDN’T PUT THE FUCKING HUG ON SCREEN.

20. Not all relationships are healthy, or are even good for us. Has your character ever had any unhealthy, toxic, or abusive relationships? How did your character know the other person in the relationship? If and when did your character realize that this relationship was unhealthy? Was the toxicity mutual, or one-sided? What sort of behaviors, from one, or both parties, defined this unhealthy relationship? Has your character been able to move on from this relationship, or are they still ‘stuck’ in it? If they are past the relationship —or writing from a perspective where they are past it— talk about how your character reflects on it. Is there regret? A sense of satisfaction? Or have they not allowed it to affect them? Could they or would they make amends, if possible?

YOU DO THIS TO HURT ME.

Okay.

Kane’s been in far too many toxic relationships to count. The very first is, of course, daddy dearest, Paul Bearer. Paul never wanted a son. Paul never liked children in general - or anyone, for that matter. What he liked was anything that benefited him. What he wanted were servants and guard dogs. And he made sure that was what he got.

Well, no, even that’s not true. He didn’t initially want slaves and guard dogs. He wanted money.

Remember, Adam-slash-Taker wasn’t supposed to be out of the house at the time. He was sent away for extra chores as a punishment for playing with chemicals with Kane, and the house was on fire when he came back. He was supposed to be in there. He was supposed to burn, too.

He was supposed to die.

If Paul had had his way, there would be no Valdises left in the valley. They’d all be dead and buried and he’d get the four life insurance payouts, the property insurance payout, and control of the business, among other things. He had been JT’s apprentice. He knew they didn’t have any close relatives. He’d have gotten a lot of money. A lot of money. In addition, JT and Iza had two accounts set up: A personal one, and one for the home. It was mostly to ensure that work funds didn’t dip into family funds and vice-versa. It worked pretty decently for them. If they had all died, there would have been some debate as to where the family funds would have gone.

As it actually played off, the money went to Nel and Liam to help with Adam’s expenses. Paul got the funeral home fund. If Adam was dead, he might have been able to get the family fund, too. Either way, he got a lot of money, and could’ve gotten more.

There are theories as to why Paul needed so much money. Some people say it’s because he was in college, and, hey, we all know what tuition is like. The 2018 comic (the good one) suggests he owed money to the mafia or some kind of organized crime unit. I kinda like this! It definitely seems like something Paul would do. But it might also be that Paul just wanted money and didn’t care about the Valdis family, or anyone else. And this was the basis for Paul’s relationship with Kane.

He wanted that kid to die to get money. It didn’t work that way. As it turns out, Kane is very hard to kill. So now, Paul had this kid to deal with. He had to debate whether or not to kill him outright. Eventually, he settled on ‘no’. Not because he cared about Kane, remember; but because he was useful. It was good for Paul. He didn’t care if it was good for Kane. He kept Kane as a possession, a tool, and, later on, something to use against the Undertaker. For years, Paul kept him trapped in a basement. Paul barely acknowledged him. Paul barely fed him. Kane was chained to a wall and told it was for his own good. He told Kane if Kane left, he’d die. He told Kane constantly that he (Kane) was ugly, and was so lucky dear old dad could handle him. Anyone else would think he was a monster. Anyone else would hate him. When he was in a bad mood, he’d take it out on Kane. Yell at him, throw his food, et cetera. Sometimes he’d deny Kane interaction. But, this was his father. His only family. His father loved him, right? That’s what he was always told. This is what love is like, right? He didn’t know any differently anymore. It had to be.

Then there were the hospitals. Kane was cast aside and stored away. Neglected by everyone. Paul was the only constant he had, and even he only visited sporadically. He said it was to protect Kane. To keep him hidden. Safe from his brother. Safe from the world that hated him. Wasn’t he lucky to have a father like that? Paul kept him moving, which kept him isolated and stuck on Paul’s approval. As I wrote above, Paul did everything he could to deny Kane the help he needed. He didn’t want Kane to heal.

Then Kane is released. Again, it’s on Paul’s command. It’s not because Kane is doing well. It’s because Paul lost control of the Undertaker and couldn’t deal with the loss of power, or the angry magical zombie who wants him dead. He goaded Kane into a lot of terrible things. Everything from murdering his brother - which Paul convinced him was justified, but contributed to one of Kane’s worst mental breakdowns in years later down the line - and destroying his parents’ graves, on the alleged grounds that they were horrible and never loved him anyway, which Kane has no way to refute. He’d been badmouthing Iza and JT to Kane for decades, and he had grown to believe it. It had to be true, right? Why would Paul lie to him? And this is a pattern that continued. The abuse, the neglect, the gaslighting, the manipulation. The ‘I’m your dad’s and ‘Do it for me, son’s and the like. And when Kane wasn’t useful anymore, Paul dumped him like yesterday’s trash. Told him he was stupid and useless and no better than a dog. Said that he would never need Kane again. ... Until the Undertaker broke away from Paul again, and Paul went crying back to his runner up. That’s all Kane ever was to him. Like Mankind before him, Kane was just a tool to use when Paul lost his Deadman.

Speaking of Taker, that’s another thing Paul tried to ruin. He was constantly trying to sabotage Kane’s relationship with his brother. He wanted them to hate each other. Why, you may ask? Simple. He couldn’t have them teaming up. He wouldn’t be able to control them like that. He couldn’t keep lying to them - to Kane - like that (he didn’t need to lie to Taker with the urn). He also didn’t want either of them to have a support network. If they could rely on someone else, even just each other, it would be harder for him to keep them in line. And, more than that, he was worried they’d figure out the truth of the fire. He would never be able to control them if they did. Besides, the two of them - when they get along - genuinely love and care about each other. As far as Paul was concerned, they didn’t deserve that kind of love. They didn’t deserve any love. That would help them heal, and they couldn’t have that. So, while Paul sabotages all of Kane’s relationships, he works especially hard to sabotage Kane’s relationship with his brother. Kane didn’t really realize how unhealthy his relationship with Paul was until he was an adult. More specifically, until after he started spending time with his brother again. Taker is pretty good at pointing out unhealthy and abusive relationships, and he put in the work to help Kane get out. Even so, it took a long time for Kane to fully come to terms with it. It was, mostly, an on again-off again acceptance until Kane was in his mid-to-late forties. Before that, it was hard for him to accept. Paul had raised him. He’d been so severely conditioned over those years that ‘deprogramming’ was a long, arduous task. It’s something he struggles with, even after Paul’s death... Which he directly causes.

That’s how their relationship comes to an end. If they were both alive, it would have continued indefinitely. Paul never planned to let those boys rest. And, besides, he was the one who kept poking the bear. He had to knew it would bite eventually. And, of course, by ‘bite’, I mean ‘lock him in a meat freezer’. Kane denounced Paul as his father and murdered him. Does he regret it? Sometimes. Sometimes not. Especially close to Paul’s death, Kane is conflicted. As I said, his ‘deprogramming’ takes a long time. It isn’t easy. However, as time marches on and the years press onwards, he starts to accept it and decides it’s a good thing. Paul deserved to die. For all that he’d done, for all that he would do, he deserved to die. Anyone who actually cares would see that the brothers are much better with him gone. And in that vein, Kane does regret that he ‘allowed’ Paul to have that control over him, ‘allowed him’ to cause that much damage. Taker, and different therapists later on, repeatedly tell Kane that he didn’t ‘let’ Paul do anything. Paul took advantage of him and hurt him and it’s not Kane’s fault. It still takes a long time to set in, though. He never fully kicks it, but he does get better. Bad days just creep up on him from time to time. He has to work through them, but the coping methods he’s learned, his cat, and the support of his brother (and any other family he acquires) helps immensely.

Then there’s the doctors. Not all, but most of them, were pretty awful. There were a lot of them, so I’m just going to do a general summation/blanket statement for them. Kane hated the doctors. He hated the hospitals. By and large, inpatients at the time were treated cruelly. The rooms often lacked heat or air conditioning, the food was often bland and sometimes not delivered. Orderlies were rough and often ‘gossiped’ about patients within their earshot. He wasn’t a person to them. They barely even viewed him as an animal. Most times, they just considered him a ‘thing’.

He didn’t have a lot of possessions in the hospital. He didn’t have a lot in the basement, either, but he almost felt he had less in the hospitals. Anything he did have, it would often get taken away. His mask(s) were frequently taken and destroyed. They weren’t the leather ones he’s known for now - just scraps of cloth with eye holes ripped out. Usually pillowcases. They were already in the right shape. They always got taken. Sometimes, he was told ‘reasons’ for why he couldn’t be allowed to have it. It made his ‘delusions’ worse. It was ‘dangerous’. It made the staff ‘uneasy’. It was ‘dirty’. It bothered the other patients (that might be true, though Kane was rarely allowed to interact with them). Sometimes he just wasn’t told a reason. It wasn’t like he could stop it. He tried, once or twice. It never worked.

Other things were taken, too. Pencils and pads (he was told those were dangerous, too). The (cheap) clothes he’d arrive to the hospital in. A copy of Lord of the Rings he’d smuggled out of another hospital (he might have started a fire when that one was taken away). (... A big one.)

(He’s not sorry.)

He also had his dignity taken. He, like a lot of patients, was put through unethical experimentation and ‘treatments’. These are also things I’ve mentioned above, so I’m not going to touch too heavily on them now. Besides, this is long enough without me writing about the different treatments in the 70′s, 80′s, and 90′s, especially with all the sourcing I would need to do. I might go into it in detail more later, but it was bad. He still has scars from some of them - also mentioned briefly above. Some of them resulted in his memory being even worse than the fire left it. Long story short, it was bad, and he became even better acquainted with abuses of power and status than he already was.

And no, he doesn’t want to make amends with any of the doctors. They knew what they were doing. They had to. They were the experts. The fact that there were a few good workers only made the crimes of the others worse, in his eyes. In addition, it wasn’t just him. There were countless others who suffered in those hospitals too. Nobody ever cared about them.

This is another thing he regrets, that he is slowly learning isn’t his fault. It’s hard, though. It’s hard, because he thinks, logically, he could have escaped. He could have walked out. He could have left whenever he wanted, and, as far as he’s concerned, they could not have stopped him. If they tried, he could have burned them to a crisp. ... But he didn’t. And he thinks he definitely should have. It would have saved him a lot of grief. ... But he didn’t. He should have, but he didn’t. Of course, he was a heavily abused and traumatized child who grew into a heavily abused and traumatized young man. None of it was his fault. That just takes a long time to come to terms with. And, as I said, he has bad days where the guilt creeps up.

Then there’s Tori and XPac. Their abuse of Kane was sort of a unified front, so I’m putting them together. They both started touting themselves as ‘firsts’ in Kane’s life. Kane’s first ‘best friend’ (that was his brother, but that’s beside the point) and his first ‘girlfriend’ (she was, in fact, his first girlfriend). They took advantage of Kane’s need to have relationships and his lack of understanding of what healthy relationships are like. They took advantage of Kane. Like Paul, they wanted someone big and strong and fiery to do their dirty work, and didn’t care about him beyond that.

It started out innocent enough. For a time, you could almost believe Kane had a chance to be happy. Then you remember it’s Kane, and that makes no sense. He doesn’t get to be happy. Taker noticed before anyone else did - or before anyone else cared, at the very least. He tried to warn Kane. That didn’t work. XPac had his claws in deep. He convinced Kane that he (XPac) was better than Paul. He cared about Kane, he wanted to help Kane, he could get Kane into DX, and didn’t Kane want friends like that? Yes. Yes, he did. He very much did. DX was wild and free and uncontained, all the things he wanted to be. Outspoken and sure of themselves. He wanted to be like them and XPac said he could help Kane get there. He spent time with Kane. He spoke to him. He encouraged him to speak. He took Kane’s first words for DX. He wanted Kane just as subservient as Paul had him. He’d frequently lose his temper on Kane, often storming out and leaving him behind over losses in the ring. It quickly turned sour. XPac, like Paul before him, tried to turn the brothers against each other. It nearly worked. He constantly told Kane that, in order to join DX, he’d have to leave his brother behind and never speak to him again. Kane’s relationship with Taker was in a very tumultuous phase. He wasn’t sure what to think of big brother. At first, he resisted what XPac told him. He didn’t want to cut contact with his brother. They had only recently reunited. So, at first, he didn’t go along with it. But then, then, he saw his brother attacking XPac behind his back. This made Kane view his brother as the antagonist. It was his fault XPac was so angry. It’s his fault Kane was going to lose his best friend. So Kane left his brother for XPac and Tori.

I’ve wrote a little bit about what Tori did up there. To avoid making it redundant, I’m gonna give a brief summation here. Tori was Kane’s first girlfriend. He loved her. He really, truly loved her. He never thought somebody would love him. He never knew why she found him attractive; this, along with XPac being his friend, did in fact pole holes in the rhetoric Paul had tried to teach him. He would kill for her. He would die for her. He loved her. She did not love him. So, eventually, she decided she loved XPac. This meant - especially once XPac left Kane - that she no longer needed Kane as anything more than muscle. She made many attempts to manipulate and gaslight Kane. She told him that certain stars - those XPac wanted gone - had assaulted her and goaded Kane into increasingly violent fights with them. Test especially. As you can probably guess, Test didn’t assault Tori. All he’d done was say ‘hi’.

This was about the time XPac had challenged Kane to a fight for Tori’s freedom - yeah, I’m serious - and won. XPac and his gang got Tori for Christmas. Kane was visibly distraught. Pacing, unable to focus, constantly worrying about her. And then she came back. And he almost wished she didn’t. Not at first, of course. He was so relieved. He’d been so worried about her. ... But he was also concerned, and a bit suspicious at first. You can see it pretty clearly in his scene with Tori. He’s hugging her and holding her, extremely relieved she came back in one piece. But then, she tells Kane she’s fine and XPac was a ‘gentleman’, and Kane is instantly suspicious (which I find hilarious). She tries to distract him, and manages to do so, with touches and kisses and reassuring him that she’s fine and don’t think about it. This is about the time the assault accusations start. Of course, we now know that Tori was sleeping with XPac while this was going on. After multiple beatings at the hands of DX, Tori eventually - after trying to convince Kane she was faithful - kisses XPac in front of Kane and leaves him bruised and bleeding. The two then go out of their way to make his life even more of a hell than it already was. This included ambushing him in the halls and dressing rooms, attacking him during matches, mocking him, spreading rumors, and, of course, shooting flamethrowers into his face on multiple occasions. It wasn’t great.

Eventually, of course, Kane got his dues. He nearly crippled Hunter (one of XPac’s allies) in the ring in a handicap match. The only reason he stopped was because Stephanie got in the way, and he didn’t have any beef with her (yet). He did successfully beat XPac into a corner. He didn’t want to stop, but Tori took the chair from him, and XPac managed to roll out of the ring while he was distracted.

Even still, after everything she’d done, Kane was willing to let Tori go. He didn’t want to let XPac go; he didn’t forgive him. He would never forgive XPac. However, he might have been able to-- Not forgive Tori, but let her go. It wouldn’t have made him feel better, but he thought that, maybe, it wasn’t her fault. Maybe she was like him. Maybe XPac made her do it. It was a brief moment of hesitation, but it was there. He had hope. He might have let her go. ... But she didn’t let that happen. Between the ref army intervening, which stopped him from being able to take a breath, Tori touching his face, those ‘oh, I know you still love me’ comments she made, and Paul shoving Tori back at him, he lashed out. Tombstoned her and didn’t regret it. I think that helped him move on from her. He doesn’t forgive her really, and he certainly doesn’t forgive XPac. He can’t. He has the long-lasting trust issues and trauma of what they did to him. He struggles from relationship issues for the vast majority of his life as a result of this (and the other abuse he suffered). It takes a long time and a lot of failed attempts before he can have a healthy relationship - either platonic or romantic - after this. But this is one of the few times he finds some kind of closure.

Then we have Triple H. Hunter Hearst Helmsley. He has been a constant thorn in the brothers’ sides. He was awful to Kane. I mean, he was awful to everyone, but especially Kane. Well, especially Shawn, but we’re talking about Kane. Hunter wanted to make Kane suffer. He was one of the guys who made a game of ripping Kane’s mask off his face. There were at least a few occasions where Kane was minding his own business and Hunter and Co. would maul him. As I mentioned above, Hunter was one of the ones that helped XPac and Tori torture Kane, including fighting on XPac’s side in a handicap match against Kane. He was also one of the ones who thought it was fun to set Kane on fire. In return, Kane beat him as well, and tried to set his car on fire at least once. But Hunter kept at it. The worst, of course, was the Katie Vick incident.

Now, it’s worth noting that I don’t like the Katie Vick story at all. It was overall very inconsistent and poorly written, and made no sense. I know Glenn has said in past interviews that the story made him really uncomfortable, and he doesn’t like thinking about it now. And, as I just said, he also thinks it makes no sense. I mean, come on. Kane went to high school? Kane had a girlfriend in high school? None of it adds up. Especially since, unless Paul was claiming Taker and Kane were a lot older than they actually were, Kane was burned when he was nine. Since then, he was mute and horribly scarred and traumatized and was hidden from the world in a basement and series of mental hospitals. When would he go to high school? How would nobody know he was alive if he were in high school? Additionally, I personally feel like them retconning a girlfriend into Kane’s past really cheapens the Tori story. One of the reasons it hit so hard was that she was his first love. It’s just bad writing, personally. It might make more sense to me if Katie were, say, a nurse who befriended him at a hospital, or another patient he grew close to, at least. But, no. Kane had a high school girlfriend. In the end, I just usually say it’s stories Hunter spreads, all of it. It’s not out of character for him.

So, yeah, that messed Kane up a lot. There were enough stories about him already. Enough ways for the other guys to make him suffer. They didn’t need any help. But of course, Hunter doesn’t care. He just wants to make the brothers suffer, and it’s way easier to talk shit about Kane. He cares what people think about him. Taker, not so much. Of course, you hurt Kane, you hurt Taker, so it’s a nice two-for-one. Hunter spread these stories about Kane - that he was a necrophiliac, he killed his ‘first girlfriend’, et cetera. He even dressed up as Kane to keep the ‘joke’ running. He thought it was funny.

Of course, this isn’t the only way Hunter has gone after Kane. There was also the 2MPT disaster. Yes, most of this was focused on Taker. But, as I said before: You want to hurt Taker, the best way is to hurt Kane. So Hunter, along with Steve, set about breaking Kane’s arm multiple times. Sometimes in the ring, sometimes not. Whenever they felt like, really. Kane ended up needing surgery on that arm. He still has a scar on his elbow, and for a long while, it ached when it rained, which sucked a lot because Kane likes the rain. It was hard to enjoy for a while.

Hunter was also one of the ones who forced Kane into therapy, but we’ll talk more about that later. He was also part of the Authority/Corporation when Kane finally joined up in the hopes of getting a ‘normal’ job. This was after the therapy they’d forced him to be in. Everyone had told Kane for years that he was a monster, a freak, stupid, subhuman. He thought this might help. Might make them think he was-- Well, if not normal, then, at least acceptable. Of course it didn’t go that way. As soon as he was ‘normal’, he was made fun of for not being the monster. What happened to you? Why aren’t you like you were before? You used to be something special. You should go back to that.

...

As you can imagine, Kane got fed up pretty quickly. He gave up. The fact that people called him ‘Triple H’s Lapdog’ didn’t help. Triple H was one of the people who dragged him down. Ordered him around. Insulted him. Put him in demeaning jobs he was either exceedingly overqualified for or completely unqualified for just because. Kane hated it. So, of course, he did what they wanted and reverted back to the old ways. Stole his mask from the Authority, and, while still masquerading as the ‘new’ Kane, started causing problems on purpose. Mostly, this involved beating the hell out of Triple H’s newest pet project, Seth Rollins, who Kane also hated. Once that was over, the fun was done, Kane just left. Walked out with his mask and his demonic nature and his general misanthropy and found his brother again. They’d fight Hunter together a few more times after that, but, for the most part, that’s how it ended.

Kane doesn’t forgive Hunter. Kane doesn’t want to make amends. He almost felt like he had closure after helping dismantle the Authority, but then Hunter came back. Hunter started insulting his brother again, and that’s not allowed, as far as Kane is concerned. Kane thinks Hunter is like Vince. He thinks Hunter is like Paul. He’s a serial abuser, and Kane can’t forgive that.

Long story short? Hunter can meet him behind Sam’s at 3:33 AM if he wants an ass kicking.

Next is, of course, Vince.... And the stooges. And Shane, and even Stephanie. Kind of the whole clan. We’ll start with Vince.

Vince hated Kane. He hated both spooks, but a lot of the time, it was easier for him to pick on Kane. ‘Taker was done putting up with things, Kane was still learning what having boundaries was. It took a while. Vince saw Paul using Kane as a slave and decided hey, that looks like fun. He wanted to try it too. Why not? It’s not like anyone would stop him (until Big Brother made his return). And he had leverage against Kane. He had the power to send Kane away to a mental hospital. He’s rich. He can do whatever he wants. And he held that over Kane’s head. He made Kane be his slave. Do what he said, when he said it, or he’d get committed. ... Kane got committed. Dragged away in a straight jacket. It left him a mess for a long time.

That’s also not the first time Vince kept Kane like some kind of pet. There was the time he enlisted ‘Taker and Kane into protecting him from Steve Austin, with the caveat that if they did this, they’d get a title shot. They very much wanted that shot. The good news is, Taker was there. He kept a handle on things. They still got jumped and yelled at, but he made sure none of them whistled at himself or his brother like dogs. He made sure Pat and Gerry (the stooges) stopped making fun of Kane’s mask or electric larynx. He kept an eye on little brother. ... And then they decided they were sick of Vince yanking them around and Steve mauled Vinnie Mac for the good of mankind. So they lost their title shot. And they broke Vince’s leg. In my opinion, he deserved it. There was also the time Vince threatened to burn down their family home. And the multiple times Vince pitted the boys against each other, even when they didn’t want to fight. Vince kept Paul on as their manager. The list is long and horrible. Vince did a lot to Kane. But he was far from the only McMahon to do so.

I already mentioned what the Stooges did. For the purposes of this piece, I’m considering them a part of the McMahon family (the McMamily, if you will). I’ve also already talked about Hunter, Vince’s son in law. Next is Shane. Shane McMahon, Vince’s son. He had his fair share of making Kane miserable, as well. He participated in the Authority-Bullying-Kane that I talked about with Hunter. He participated in Vince using Kane as a slave, to the point where he even set Kane on one of Kane’s only friends at the time, Mankind. He had a part in sending Kane away in a straightjacket. He’s, as a matter of fact, been involved in most of the shit his father has done to Kane. He also ran Kane over with a semi-truck and kicked him into a flaming dumpster. When Kane was comatose - due to the car accident Shane caused - Shane got a video call wired to the hospital just to mock Kane. Over the course of their relationship, Shane got his goons to take Kane’s mask for than a few times. Of course, Kane retaliated in kind. Most famously, he hooked Shane’s genitals to a car battery. He doesn’t regret it. As far as he’s concerned, someone needed to put Shane in his place, and it was his turn. Big brother can have the next one.

Aside from their matches, Kane also got back at Shane by the prior-mentioned sabotaging of the Authority. There was one last McMahon involved with the Authority that Kane sabotaged: Vince’s daughter, Shane’s sister, and Hunter’s wife. Stephanie McMahon.

Now, Steph is far from the worst McMahon. For the most part, the brothers are pretty neutral towards her. They didn’t cross paths all that often. Aside from her relation to the rest of the McMamily, they didn’t really care. Sometimes they even got along. Sometimes she even helped them. They were able to coexist. Kane’s only real complaint is the Authority, again. She was complicit in that. More than that, she lead the charge in wondering why he changed. Screaming in his face that he should be a monster. What happened? He hated it. It ruined a lot of the trust he had in her. Made him think she was just like the others.

At the same time, Steph is the only one he’d be willing to make amends with. She was the least offensive. Yes, Kane did retaliate, but he wasn’t the aggressor. Not really. He’d be willing to make up with her if she was able to apologize. The others? No. Not at all. He tried giving Shane and Hunter the benefit of the doubt and they ruined it at the Authority. He got to work closely with them then, and then before when they were manipulating him, and they were never remotely decent. Plus, they’ve both gone after his brother. That’s unforgivable. He can’t stand either of them. Same with Vince. The three of them, he thinks, have ego where their empathy should be. He’d be surprised if they’d ever done anything good in their lives. He’d set them on fire any day over making amends - and, as it is Kane, setting people on fire is very easy for him to do.

They’ll be burning in Hell eventually, anyway. He’s just speeding up the process.

Have I mentioned Shelby, yet? And Daniel Bryan, too. Those two kinda tie together. I will say that Daniel wasn’t terrible to Kane. He actually ended up a pretty decent friend, for the most part, but they had their rough patches. It started bad and ended bad, but the middle was good. It started with the two of them lashing out at each other as superstars often do. Nothing special. But then it escalated. And it kept escalating. And escalating. And escalating. Screaming at each other, constant ambushes and fights. It got bad. So, then the two of them got forcibly put in therapy together.

It was a trainwreck.

Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow once called their therapist, Dr. Shelby, less effective than Dr. Phil. That’s not at all far off. Shelby was a disaster. Most of his ‘treatments’ were actually humiliation tactics. Kane was miserable. He’d grown up in psychiatric hospitals and seemed constantly baffled and confused by them. It didn’t make sense to him. It just upset Kane and Daniel to the point where they agreed to pretend to be better in order to get away from him. It wasn’t exactly healthy.

Throughout the therapy, Daniel and Kane are at each other’s throats. Arguing, yelling, insulting. Kane took digs at Daniel’s ‘goat face’ insecurities, and Daniel took shots at Kane’s trauma. They got into physical fights frequently. They refused to admit that they were a tag team and even stole each others’ belts. It was bad. For a while, it seemed to get better, slowly. It almost seemed like they could be friends - no thanks to Shelby, of course. They figured it out on their own. They started to get along. They were almost friends! Daniel especially seemed to go wild whenever Kane was in the ring. It was kind of cute, honestly. They kept picking on each other throughout it all, but they were friends. Of course, it didn’t last. This is similar to why Kane broke up with AJ Lee, something I mention down the line. Daniel didn’t want to get better. In one of their last segments, Daniel is in the ring being argumentative and putting himself and Kane down, even when Kane is trying to get through to him. He just refuses to listen. So Kane refuses to put up with it. He just walks out of the ring and leaves Daniel behind. What else was he supposed to do? He had his own problems to sort out. After that, they fought more, Kane eventually ambushed Daniel a few times. ... But, at their most recent meeting, they sort of fell back into old habits. Helping each other out of weird situations and arguing about who was the better Champion. Who was the Champion at all, in fact. It was kinda nice. Kind of reminded Kane why they were friends in the first place.

Daniel and Kane were both the aggressors to each other. It was sort of mutually unhealthy. But, as far as Kane’s concerned, they already made amends. They’ve already gotten over it. They’re not-- Well. They aren’t exactly friends, but they could be. It could happen. They’re both in a much better place, now, so, who knows? It could happen.

How about Lita? His first wife? That went badly. Very, very badly. First things first, I hate the writing of this relationship. It’s just so wildly inconsistent. It starts off with Lita being the one in control of the relationship. Smiles at Kane, kisses him, stands close to him. ... As payment. She sent him after people who wronged her, even other divas. When he did a good job of hurting or scaring them, Lita would give him the affection he needed. Smile at him and act like he mattered. ... And then the writers decided they didn’t want them in a relationship anymore. So Lita was pregnant. It wasn’t played as a willing pregnancy. All of a sudden, the narrative was shifted to ‘Lita never loved Kane, Kane forced her into the relationship, and she wants out but he won’t let her leave’.

Yeah. It was a gross story. It was terrible. It also made no sense. Kane went to Lita’s OBGYN appointments. He has every reason to hate hospitals, to fear them, and has been canonically shown to get terrified or otherwise upset and lash out at any medical staff - or people near general - in a hospital. But he went with Lita to the hospital. He wanted to marry her. He wanted that baby. I know that isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship, but this entire story is a clusterfuck and I think Good Dad Kane gets brushed aside way too often. Then they lose the baby, Kane is blamed for it, and Lita cheats on him. It’s messy. Kane hates her. She left him for Edge and he hates Edge too, but he really hates Lita. He thinks she caused it all. He’s grown past the days of Tori. There’s no ‘well, maybe Edge made her do it’. No ‘it’s not her fault’. He blames Lita. She did this to him and he hates her for it. And no, he doesn’t want to make amends. He doesn’t want to forgive her. He can’t. He won’t. If there’s one thing Kane is good at, it’s holding a grudge against people who hurt him. Lita hurt him a lot. Like Tori, she sabotaged his ability to have a relationship for a long time. The rumors she spread didn’t help, either.

So, no.

He won’t be making amends with her any time soon.

I have to include Kelly Kelly and Trish in this list. These are some of the very few where Kane was the aggressor. I’ll be honest, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen these. Since most of the old channels on YouTube have been purged, I haven’t been able to find them for rewatching, either, so forgive me for the lack of detail here. I do want to say again that the ‘abused becomes the abuser’ trope is, again, disgusting. I hate it. But I still don’t feel right just ignoring this completely.

I don’t really view these as romantic relationships. Kane didn’t love Trish, Kane didn’t love Kelly Kelly. I don’t want to excuse how Kane treated them, but I do want to explain it. He needs someone’s approval. He needs somebody’s love. It’s how Paul raised him: As I’ve mentioned before, he was conditioned to literally believe he would die without approval. He needed it. So, in the horrible mental state he was in at the time, he latched on to the first person he thought he could get it from. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t right. It didn’t work. The girls didn’t deserve it. It’s something Kane regrets.

He was definitely the aggressor in those situations. There’s no getting around that. Once he gets into a better state of mind, and especially once he goes to therapy (not Shelby’s), he’s able to see how awful the things he’d done were. Again, he regrets it. He doesn’t really want to make amends. Not in the traditional sense, at least. Maybe later on in life, after he’s been through a lot of therapy and had some time, he might be willing to sit down with them if they wanted, but, aside from that?

He’d much rather avoid them and forget it ever happened.

Honorary Mention of AJ Lee. Kane’s last canon romance, as far as I’m aware. AJ wasn’t terrible for Kane. At least, not to the extent the others were. She genuinely seemed to care for him. ... Of course, this was also one of the problems between Kane and Daniel, as AJ left Daniel at the altar for Kane. But she did seem to care about him. She did seem to love him. Maybe they could have been happy together. Maybe it could have worked. But, sadly, it didn’t.

The reason it didn’t is actually a sign of Kane’s growth and healing. Yes, he liked AJ, but she wasn’t healthy for him. She was manic, hyperactive, and had minimal control over her emotions. It was bad for Kane, and he knew it. He had to cut it off. To his credit, he handled a break-up better than any of his exes. He did it to her face. He was clear in his intent. He could’ve worded it better, but he told her, at least. It was a messy breakup, but far from his worst. In retrospect, he’s glad he broke it off when he did. It would’ve only got worse. But, again, he can’t hate AJ. She wasn’t a bad person, just in a bad place. He can relate.

Because of this, he doesn’t think there’s any need to make amends. He doesn’t have anything against AJ; they just weren’t healthy for each other. Maybe they could try again some day. Maybe they couldn’t. Maybe they could be friends. Maybe they couldn’t. But he doesn’t really hold anything against her. He’s fine with it.

... And then there’s his brother. Yes, Kane and his brother. They’ve certainly had their fair share of spats. It’s far from a perfect relationship. Yes, they love each other. Yes, they look out for each other. And yes, they’re family. But that hasn’t stopped them from beating each other to a pulp or worse. Kane has killed his brother before, multiple times. Taker - under Paul, during the Ministry - tried to get Kane committed. They’ve had their ups and downs.

Most of it is Paul’s fault. Most of everything is Paul’s fault. He dedicated his life to making the boys miserable, after all. He wanted them to suffer. As I mentioned above, he didn’t want them having a support network. He wanted them isolated, so he drove a wedge between them whenever he could. He told lies, he gaslit, he manipulated. Hell, at one point, he straight up mind controlled Taker to make him ‘confess’ to starting the fire. It’s literally all been to ruin them in every way. It worked, a few times. There were many times all Kane wanted to do was kill his brother once and for all. There were a few times he tried. He came close to making it permanent once, even if he didn’t know it at the time. He beat his brother into a coma. Taker set him on fire. ( ... Granted, Kane set up that match. Well, Kane and Paul. Mostly Paul.) They’ve both screamed at each other, either cusses, really dramatic speeches, or just wordless yells. They’ve both punched each other a lot. There was that stretch of time ghost Taker just haunted the shit out of Kane. That’s just how they were. And, besides...

Kane still fully believes Taker tried to kill him, and murdered their parents. Taker also thinks he did this. He doesn’t know why he would have, or even why he would have wanted to. He just did, apparently. It comes back between them sometimes. It never goes well. It always leaves a lot of questions. They like to think that it’s something they’ve moved on from and gotten over, but it’s something they’ll carry with them forever, especially every May 19th. It gets rough.

At the same time, they take care of each other like nobody else ever could. They do. It’s a known fact in the ‘Federation that, even if the brothers are at each others’ throats, you hurt one of them, the other one is going to come for you, no if’s, and’s, or but’s. They often unite against other groups who come after them, most notably DX, the Two Man Power Trip, and the Wyatt Family. They’ve each jumped headlong into dangerous situations to save their brother. They’ve left friends and “friends” behind for speaking ill of their brother. Kane has explicitly said his brother is his favourite person. ... He’s also denounced his brother on a world stage a few times. Similarly, Taker has talked Kane up as the strongest person he knows, and cussed him out in the middle of the ring. There isn’t a between for them. It’s either ride or die, or absolute violent chaos. Sometimes at the same time.

They also don’t always communicate the best. They usually can, and they try, but... There are some things they don’t talk about. They’ve never sat down and talked about the fire, for example, and I don’t think they ever will. There’s some parts of their individual traumas they don’t talk about. They try to keep it secret. It’s a mix of constantly being told their needs and whatnot don’t matter, and worrying that the other brother has enough to worry about as is. They worry about each other a lot. Taker also has the whole ‘older sibling’ complex. he has to protect Kane, he has to look after Kane, his own wellbeing be damned. He can’t tell Kane what bothers him. ... He’s working on it. They’re both working on communication. They get better over time.

A lot of it gets better when Paul dies. Not all of it, but most of it. They fight a lot less once he’s gone. They still bicker, as siblings do, but that’s typically the extent, and it’s not often. A lot of people tried to pull them apart and it never worked.

Of course, there are still things they need to recover from. For the longest time - between the destruction of their parents’ graves and the multiple burials - Taker couldn’t let Kane into the yard. When the lights flickered, Kane would flinch. The gong set him off. They both got antsy when the other set off fire. They had to take a lot of time. There was a weird sort of cognitive dissonance between the trauma that made them drift apart and the trauma and general affection that drove them back together. But, thankfully, they got over it. They are so, so grateful for it. Taker doesn’t know who he would be without his brother. Kane had to figure out who he was with him. For a large portion of his life, he had been raised to want to kill his brother. It’s so weird for him. But, without Paul there to hurt them, he gets over it. Taker gets over it. They put the fire and everything else behind them. They move on and they stay together. And, as Mark and Glenn themselves have said, they can’t be kept apart for long. They’re just too vital to each other.

And lastly, Iza and JT. Kane’s parents. His biological mom and his ‘adopted’ dad. They loved him. They really, really loved him. They always tried their best for him.

He doesn’t remember any of it. He doesn’t remember them at all. That’s also Paul’s fault. Well, Paul and the doctors. As I said, between the fire and some of the treatments he went through, his memory of a time before the fire is mostly gone. It’s just gone. He may be able to regain some memory with deep therapy. Maybe hypnotherapy. Maybe nothing. Who knows? Unfortunately, that’s not something Kane is in to. He can’t handle that.

It’s also because of Paul’s lies. He lies a lot. He always lied about Kane’s parents. Had to, didn’t he? Had to make sure Kane was loyal only to him. Only he loved you, Kane. He outright told Kane nobody else did that, nobody else could, not even Kane’s own mother. He trashes Iza a lot, actually. From the ‘she didn’t love you’ comments to the sex jokes and calling her a whore. He said some awful stuff about JT too, but man, he had it out for Iza. Makes you wonder.

But, yes. Paul made sure Kane didn’t think favorably of his parents. He could only ever rely on Paul. He also tried to plant the idea that they didn’t love Kane because they had ‘Taker. You know, the ‘heir and a spare’ mentality. The golden child and the ‘accident’. They didn’t want Kane, Paul said. Paul told him it’s because they knew he wasn’t JT’s son. (They didn’t know, of course. Even Iza wasn’t sure.)

Paul did whatever he could to make Kane feel isolated. Anything to make him hate his brother and his family. After that, when Kane is away from him, he doesn’t know what to think. His brother tells him his parents loved him. Maybe they did. His brother shows him a picture and he is looking at strangers. He doesn’t know them. He has no idea what they’re supposed to mean to him. Eventually, his brother stops talking about them. (This is after the Ministry, but Taker doesn’t tell him anything about that, either.) Kane never knows how to feel about them.

He’s sort of just decided to not think about it. It’s not really moving on, because he doesn’t know what to move on from. It’s not acceptance. He’s just adopted his brother’s coping method and decided not to think about it. It’s easier that way.

It does bother him some nights, though, when he can’t sleep. When he looks at those old obituaries and wonders.

Who were they?

...

Okay, I lied. The last one is Pete Rose, because how can I forget him? Kane despises Pete. Why? Even he’s not sure. He just does. Of course, over time, Pete earned the hatred. For one, Pete is a jerk to kids. That’s canon. It’s also canon that Kane likes kids. So, that’s one point of contention. Pete Rose is also exceedingly egotistical. Kane also hates that. And, lastly, Pete started it. ... Well, okay, Kane started it, technically. He hit Pete first. But Pete started it by being a jerk. And more importantly, Pete kept it going by trying to ambush Kane. What did he expect would happen? He kept showing up and going after Kane time and time again. Eventually, Kane just got conditioned to see Pete Rose and want to beat the hell out of him. Same, Kane.

So, Kane is, in a sense, the antagonist here. But Pete is also the antagonist. Like a few of these, it’s mutually aggressive. He very much thinks he’s in the right on this one. He hasn’t forgiven Pete or moved past it, but he’s not terribly bothered by it anymore. Yes, he hates Pete, yes, it’s on sight, yes, all you have to do is point him in Pete’s general direction and wait for the violence. Kane just thinks it’s fun now. It’s good stress relief - Pete’s more fun to hit than a heavy bag. Heavy bags don’t scream. Heavy bags also don’t insult him and yell at kids. Heavy bags don’t sneak up on him dressed as a chicken only to eat a tombstone or a chokeslam. Yes, that happened. See why Kane has so much fun beating Pete up, yet? I think, in fact, Kane would be willing to maybe let it go if he didn’t run into Pete again. But Pete keeps showing up, and he’s always an asshole, and it’s just so much fun.

#final word count: 19656 #asteriixa #&& reburied; ooc #&& necronimcon; deadman headcanons #&& whispers from the crypt; deadman answers #&& ars goetia; demon headcanons #&& incendiary remarks; demon answers #abuse ment //#child abuse //#self harm ment //#suicide ment //#ask to tag #long post

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shuttershocky · 5 years

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“This was a bad decision. We can’t keep her, Touko-san.”

“Eh?”

It was a slow day at the office, and Touko had everyone but Kokutou sent home. Sakura had fallen fast asleep on Shiki’s favorite sofa, the room having been silent save for the scratching of a pen.

It had been a week since Sakura was rescued (well, technically kidnapped) from the Matous, their manor having gone up in flames thanks to a highly aggressive Azaka. Life at the Hollow Shrine had been different to say the least; caring for a horrifically traumatized 12-year-old girl was not exactly a skill in anyone’s repertoire. Still, Touko was strangely taken with the girl. She had offered Sakura a new home with her and even an apprenticeship under her, so long as the young girl would work as part of the agency.

Sakura agreed immediately, all protests from Kokutou about “child labor laws” and “inadequate living standards” completely ignored.

Now she was napping on the sofa, lulled by the gentle whirs of the ceiling fan and a day of training.

Touko Aozaki was staring aimlessly at an opened tome, her mind too clouded by the spell of a late afternoon to truly absorb what she was reading. She hoped Kokutou would read the room and realize she was in no state to talk.

“We should probably call social services. We can’t keep Sakura with us.”

Damn it. Leave it to Mikiya Kokutou to talk business 24/7.

Touko raised an eyebrow. “Why not?”

Kokutou spread out his hands and gestured to just about everything in the office.

“These conditions are terrible! In her old home, she at least had an actual bed and three meals a day. Now she’s sleeping in half a sofa!”

“She could have the whole sofa but Shiki keeps napping in there after work.”

“That’s not the point! The Hollow Shrine is no place for a child. There’s more beer and coffee in the fridge than water, we deal with a new horror movie monster every week, and you’ll still try to smoke inside if you think I won’t catch you!”

“Technically, if Sakura ever develops lung problems I could just make her new lungs.”

“Touko-san!”

“What?” Touko asked with extra cheek, leaning on her desk and resting her chin on her fingers. She may not have wanted to play the game, but now that they were in one of their arguments, she was in it to win it.

Kokutou sighed and pushed his glasses back into his face, taking a deep breath as he did so.

Touko’s grin widened. Bring it.

“Touko-san, you know nothing about caring for kids.”

“I took care of you just fine didn’t I?”

“I was 17.”

“17? 12? What’s the big difference?”

“School, for one thing. Sakura’s just starting Middle school and she’s already been absent for a week.”

“She can keep going. Make her an excuse letter saying she caught some flesh-eating bug and needed to spend a few days in quarantine; it’s not even a total lie.”

“And how do you suppose she’ll get to school every day when it’s nowhere near here?”

“Trains exist. She’ll get there.”

“She’ll have to leave early every morning to get there on time. Who’s going to make her breakfast?”

“There are convenience stores on the way.”

“She’ll need an allowance to pay for food and fare.”

“She works for me, she’ll get paid. Same as all of you.”

“You barely pay me at all.”

“And yet you got Shiki pregnant on her first year of college and are now trying to raise your daughter while keeping Shiki in school, on your paycheck. Tell me, Kokutou, who’s the King of Bad Decisions here?”

Touko enjoyed the glare Kokutou shot at her. He held it for half a minute, no doubt searching for a new avenue of attack. When he failed to say anything, the tiny Touko in the magus’ hazy daydream started on its victory dance. It stopped short when the real Touko noticed the expression on her apprentice’s face had softened.

“Touko,” Kokutou said at last. “Sakura’s been through a lot. Don’t you think she deserves better than this? Better than us?”

If Touko was not holding her face in her hands, her jaw might have dropped from surprise. She didn’t expect him to get all sappy on her, but she really should have. If there was anything Kokutou did, it was genuinely care.

She taught him well. Maybe too well. Was there any way for her to keep arguing her side and not sound like an asshole?

Touko raised both hands and held them palm outwards in surrender. Half-surrender.

“Okay, okay. I see your points, Kokutou. The Hollow Shrine isn’t the best place for a kid. I’m certainly not the best person to take her in either.”

Kokutou nodded. “I’m glad you see it my way.”

“But!”

“…But?”

“It may not be the best place for her to stay, but I believe it’s the only place for her to stay.”

Kokutou’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

It was Touko’s turn to push her glasses up.

“Listen very carefully, Mikiya. The girl has potential. Quite a lot of it, in fact. Enough that any magi family undergoing a bit of a dry spell in power would be interested in her. You place her into the system, and they’ll find her eventually. They’re always looking for children to use…”

Touko’s voice dropped low.

“…Or potential rivals to cull.”

Kokutou swallowed.

“What if we made sure she’s taken in by an ordinary family?”

“No magus would be bothered by stepping on a few innocent people to get what they want. I know I didn’t.”

The sun had begun to set on the horizon, splashing the room with an eerie red glow. Kokutou’s eyes were hidden in shadow.

“What’s more,” Touko continued. “I doubt an ordinary family is equipped to help her. My initial examinations revealed several foreign objects inside her that I’ve not been able to remove yet, as well as signs of heavy scarring and alterations to her magic circuits.“

Touko’s voice continued to drop until it was barely above a whisper, as if she was afraid of Sakura hearing her. As if she was afraid the words would find their way into the young girl’s peaceful dreams.

“They didn’t just hurt her, Mikiya. Whatever they did, it changed her. I sent a trace through her body and the response I got back did not draw a picture of a frightened, innocent girl. There is a shadow that lives under her skin, and I don’t know if it’s the slumbering form of her fear, pain, or rage. What I do know is that it’s powerful, and nothing stays asleep forever.“

Kokutou’s eyes weren’t hidden now.

“What…”

“You cracked Fujino’s case. You know what kind of hell someone desperate can raise.”

“But that was because of her Mystic Eyes. Sakura can’t-”

“For now, yes. But there are things out there, monstrous things, that tend to come for girls like her. Beings of agony and loathing that whisper in your ears about how only they can possibly understand the anger. The torment. They come at night when you’re alone with your thoughts, and they never leave you until dawn. They wait until your heart opens the smallest crack to let them in, then they take your body for a joy ride.“

The look on Kokutou’s face told the mage that maybe it was time to change the topic. She needed him to be able to sleep to do his best work.

“Anyway, even if the darkness in Sakura were to go away someday, the scars it leaves behind wouldn’t. She might have to deal with the effects of the Matous’ torture for the rest of her life. Unless of course, she stays with me.”

“How is it different if Sakura’s with you?”

Touko’s glasses were gone, a terrifying grin now splitting the magus’ face. The sun had fully set now, the last ray of sunlight vanishing as it passed her eyes.

“Because I stared death in the face and made it my bitch,” Touko sneered. “There is no wound they can cut, no trauma they can inflict, nothing anyone can do to a body that I cannot undo. Nothing Zouken could have done to her that I cannot make better. Helps that the one exception to this rule is under my employ too.”

Kokutou chuckled. “Touko, if I didn’t know you better I would have thought you cared about Sakura.”

Touko pursed her lips. “Call it a magus’ curiosity; she’s a fascinating specimen. Besides, no snooty Clocktower family can develop her powers like I can. Watch this.”

The peerless puppeteer clapped her hands twice, before folding both hands over her mouth to amplify her voice.

“Sakura! Sealing Enforcer!”

“HIYAH!”

The sleeping Sakura leapt to her feet, eyes as wide as dinner plates and one arm outstretched and pointed towards the Hollow Shrine’s entrance. A purple bolt of energy arced from her hand and slammed into a nearby column, shaking the building. All in all, a meter long crack on the cement, a whole floor’s worth of dust shaken from the ceiling, and Kokutou’s jaw nowhere to be found.

“W-was that a test?” The girl squeaked. “D-did I do it right?”

“You did great, kid!” Touko called. “Gotta work on your aim a little, but that was excellent form.”

“See, Kokutou? Only a week and she’s doing nonverbal, unassisted offensive magecraft. Sure she’s a little inaccurate now, but give her some time and no Sealing Enforcer’s going home with an intact set of ribs. Show me another mage who can bring that out of her. Wait, let me stop you there, you can’t.”

Kokutou turned to his boss very slowly.

“You do know that’s a support column right?”

“What?”

#Aozaki Adoption #Shuttersfic #Eyyy i reworked one of the earliest AA posts to be more like an actual chapter now

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ocular-intercourse · 4 years

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@mangosandchili and number 3, teddy

🌲 What is the kindest thing your OC has ever done for someone? What is the kindest thing someone has ever done for them? On the flip side, what is the worst thing your OC has done to another person?

This question is hard to answer for Teddy for exactly the opposite reason that I had for Ace. Cause his base mode is being kind, oozing kindness all over the place to people deserving and undeserving, so it’s hard to pick something that stands out. The kindest thing he has done is probably allowing his brother to profit from his life experiences, writing books ‘about’ him, without getting anything from it. The kindest thing someone has done for him was his father’s wife accepting him into their family, raising him, though he was not her child. He is still very much in awe by her doing that. The worst thing he has done to people probably depends on who you ask or what you consider bad. Maybe it’s making his family worry that one time he tried to run away while they were on vacation. He has a homophobic grandmother he cut out of his life, she most definitely thinks he did something cruel to her, both by being gay, non-christian and avoiding her, telling her she is the bad one?? He himself would probably answer that killing someone, even in self-defense, was the worst thing he ever did. You can’t convince him otherwise.

🌳 What does your OC do when they see others upset or in pain? An upset friend? A stranger?

He is another one of those who will always help as best he can. With him that even extends to people he actively dislikes. He can’t help it. Ted is the emotional sponge of his friend group, the go-to for non-official therapy, he overextends himself and let’s people step over his boundaries more often than he should. To him seeing somebody else suffer feels very much like he’s suffering himself, he’s hyper empathic in some ways, so helping them feels like helping himself, cause he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it till it’s solved anyways.

🌿 What is something true about your OC that they refuse to admit about themselves? Is there any reason to this besides embarrassment?

It’s probably a form of refusing to admit it, more like refusing to see it, not actively I might add. If you’d ask people around him to put down some words to describe him and ask teddy to do the same, there’s one word that would appear a bunch of times on their list but never on his, it would be bossy. In his mind he’s this gentle submissive guy that more often than not gets walked over by others and pushed around.. it’s not really true though. Not always at least. It’s probably him trying to steer against not being taken seriously. He has no problem speaking out, putting his opinion out there, letting people know what he needs.. He would absolutely be embarrassed about being considered bossy, cause it fits into his self-image so little.

🍃 Describe a regular day for your OC. What is their schedule (if they have one).

He’s not a schedule kind of guy, more of a head-in-the-clouds let’s see what happens today kind of person. The only strict routine he has is about eating, as a tool of keeping tabs on his eating disorder. He’ll also try and spend as much time as he gets in nature or at least surrounded by plants, alternatively animals. There’s a massive greenhouse on the academy grounds and him and his siblings take care of the plants, if you ever try to find him it’s probably there. Before the attack you might have gone looking for him in the woods, but he’s been avoiding them ever since.

🍁 What is your OC’s most traumatic experience? (If they don’t have just one traumatic experience either pick one or describe them all!)

There’s some that come to mind. I have talked about the academy attack before, and how he had to fight and unwillingly kill. It’s definitely something he’s struggling with, especially since there’s not really a way to deal with it, in the real world, and not really a support system of sorts at the academy. The students are more or less left to deal with the aftermath alone, some guidance maybe from the teachers, but they are not equipped to handle something like that.

Another one is when it was revealed to him that he is a demi-god and his mother is not his biological mother. His whole world view turned upside down, he felt like a stranger in his family and like a constant source of pain for his mother. That’s when he tried to run away, since he was not one of them anyways, why not spare them the trouble of having him around. That’s part of what lead to him developing the eating disorder. He felt like he had no control over anything, but he could at least control very strictly what he ate and when he ate and that mostly made him forbid himself from eating entirely, for as long as he could get himself to, then binging, purging, repeating. His parents picked up on that quite fast and got him help though, but it’s still something that resurfaces a bit when he feels like things are out of control.

Something else that happened when he was absolutely too young for it, maybe 15, being the gay kid in school and bullied for it, getting the attention from one of his friend’s older brothers, starting to hang around with his friend group, going to parties, doing drugs, all under the cover of being accepted there and wanting to belong and seem cool, waking up drugged in positions he did not want to be in, touched by people he did not know, all somewhat orchestrated or at least permitted, tolerated, by said older brother. He got the fuck out of there before anything too bad could happen (as far as he remembers) and is very very thankful for having been lucky, conscious and responsive enough to be able to pull the breaks and protect himself. But it definitely put a spin on his ability to trust people for a long time, and made it hard for a while to come to terms with his identity cause if the only other interaction you had with gay people was /that/ it does not exactly make you want to belong to the community.

🍄 How would your OC react to the death of a friend/family member/loved one? Is there anyone they can confide in?

He would definitely be devastated. But he also has a very good support system, a lot of people around to catch him and lead him through his grief. It’s not out of the ordinary, something that happens to people in life, that is painful, but part of it. He tries to see it kinda holistically, it’s just part of the universe, neither good nor bad, and tries to focus on the joy of having known a person rather than the pain of losing them. He also holds on to the hope of seeing them again.

🌾 What would your OC be like if they were evil. Or if they’re already evil what would they be like as the good guy?

Evil Teddy is cliché eco-terrorist. If people have to die so the planet can survive then it’s justified to let them die, or even our mission to kill them ourselves. Picture James Bond villain Teddy. Bad guy with flair and ideals and a bigger picture plan.

💐 How would your OC react to somebody telling them that they love them? (+ bonus give another characters/OC name!)

Teddy is in love with love, romantically, platonically, he does not care, he loves people and he lets them know, constantly, which mostly inspires people to respond often. So it’s not irregular for him to hear his friends and family telling him that they love him. With Zeke that a whole other thing. Hearing it would make him extremely happy, cause he wants to be loves by Zeke. But since he tends to not show it in actions I think Teddy would, in the worst phases of this behavior, just react bitterly to being told ‘I love you’. Cause he just wouldn’t believe it. It would make it angry, even. If you love me than show it goddamit, what the fuck am I supposed to do with some hollow words..

🌷 What does your OC hate about themself? What lies about themself do they believe? On the flip side, What does your OC love about themself?

Teddy has been on a long journey of self-acceptance ever since he was litte. From learning to deal with his ancestry, to being bullied practically everywhere, to this very shitty introduction to dating, if you want to call it that, hating himself for being different. But he has always had his family and friends who helped him see what was right and what were wrong assumptions, he always had help working through his issues. He went to therapy early, since he developed his eating disorder. He just always had a really really good safety net, that made it possible for him to look at his problems and deal with them head-on. He loves himself; he loves that he is kind and gentle and loving and, well, good. There is honestly not a lot about himself that he would straight up hate. Maybe some things he’d like to change, but he always tries to see the positives even in them. What he definitely does hate though, is that his experience with Zeke is kinda starting to make him doubt again, to have to hide parts of himself that he fought very hard to be proud for. He hates that he let himself get caught in this regressive mindset, straight back to his insecure teens, all because he can’t stop himself from feeling these things for this boy who is not ready for them at all. He’s not entirely sure if he should be mad at himself, at Zeke or at the universe for this unfortunate timing. But that’s all part of the one thing he’d like to change about himself the most, being able to face injustices, especially those directed at himself, a little better. They often just make him hopeless and unable to act cause he does not know what to do, so he just does nothing instead.

🥀 What is something your OC blames themselves for and is it really their fault? Does it keep them up at night and is there any lingering trauma?

Mhmmm, again I think Teddy is not really the person to dwell on these negative things, at least not in regards to him. Like, yeah, he can’t quite deal with having killed a guy, he wished it would not have happened, but he can also see that in that situation there was not a lot of other things he could have done, it was a reaction, he did not mean to do it, but that was a bad guy that very much wanted to kill him and others, so he can see that is was justified somehow. So he suffers, for having done that, but he does not blame himself all that much, personally, cause it was out of his control. Maybe you will find him thinking about what could have gone differently here and there, but those moments are rare, cause he can’t do anything about it anyways. Things he feels guilty about are mostly related to his family, feeling like he burdened them with things one way or another. He can’t quite 100 % believe his mother really accepts him as hers, no hard feelings for his dad’s affair or one-night-stand or whatever, he feels bad about being a reminder of that, he feels undeserving of her love. He feels guilty about worrying others.

🌺 In what situation would your OC be pushed to commit an act of violence? Would they go as far to kill someone if they had to? How would this affect them and their relationships with others?

The answer is usually never. If you would put him in that same situation again, where he’s surrounded by bad guys and he just tries to keep them from being able to hurt anyone and one of them happens to die during that.. that’s not really something he chose to do. If he had known that it would happen he might have not intervened in the same way. He is a pacifist first, always. The attack made him reevaluate some things though, like the necessity of learning how to fight, if only to be able to act more controlled the next time, truly keeping everybody on both sides from dying unnecessarily. He’s the kind of person that wants to believe that everything can be solved by conversations, so he’d never see killing people as a solution. He would kill only if forced to, not by somebody holding a gun to his head and making him do it, but in a situation where the result of the other person not dying would be something he couldn’t live with.

Having killed somebody definitely made Teddy retreat a bit, he hardened a little, did not want people to see him go through that, be a different him. Eventually he did allow himself to share about it more, the easiest with his ex-nemesis who had been there when it happened and who went through the same shit.

Oh, actually, he is a bit more loose about physical violence that won’t leave permanent damage. He’d surprise people with it but he’d absolutely deck a guy in the face if he was being harmful to others.

🌸 What would your OC do if they were given god-like powers or the ability to change anything about the world for a whole day?

Teddy would try and figure out the best way to help as many people in the long run as possible. He would probably come to the conclusion that it would help if you made people understand other people’s struggles and experiences. Maybe a bit of a just dessert kind of solution. He’d put powerful assholes in the shoes of the people they suppress, hoping to make them understand even after that day and maybe change their stances, be nicer.

🌼 Describe one of your OC’s worst nightmares.

Losing hope in the world, in the inherent goodness that he believes in. He’s seen many people, even optimistic ones, become cynical and hopeless considering the state of things. And he understands their reactions, they are probably justified. But he himself just does not want to lose hope, he always wants to believe that people are good and the world is good, and things will end well. But understanding why others become pessimists is just one step too close to following in their footsteps. He refuses to let that happen, he wants to at least, but he is a little scared of failing to keep it up indefinitely, of being proven wrong.

🌻 What advice would your OC give to their younger self? What advice does your OC need now?

Be yourself always. If you feel bad about something it’s probably the right feeling to have. Trust your instincts. Only you can know what’s right for you, the opinions of others might sound nice but that does not make them true. Right now he could probably be reminded that there is strength in kindness and that the cost of it is worth it, always. Also somebody tell him to dump Zeke.

#ocs #teddy #mangosandchili

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deaf-bakugou · 5 years

Text

Present Mic Headcanons (LONG)

So it is Present Mic's Bday so yeah. I figured let's chat about some headcanons for my Favorite Deaf since childhood character. (In my opinion.) These could also be considered a little bit sad. Okay. Some are definitely sad. But tragic backstory. That is how it goes.

So maybe he was born Deaf (because his body was already protecting him from his quirk)

Maybe he wasn't

Regardless it wouldnt have mattered because the moment he was born he screamed just like every other baby in existence does.

The doctors, attending nurses, parents, all Deafened almost immediately or had severe damage to their ears.

I like to believe that Hizashi is actually part of a set of twins. A little girl was born first and his big sister is also Deafened by the blast.

His birth parents immediately give him up.

He is placed in a sound proof room and it takes a lot to convince nurses to go in and tend to the screaming baby who is cold and alone.

Social services is called in and they know they need to do an emergency placement immediately.

They succeed finding a profoundly Deaf couple who already can't hear anything to adopt this little boy. Hearing tests show that the baby is already pretty Deaf. The doctors apologize to the new parents who are not impressed with that at all and go off on the doctor saying being Deaf isnt something to apologize for. It is a wonderful and different worldview.

Hizashi gets to grow up with two loving Deaf parents who immerse him in the world of Sign language and Deaf culture. He bangs on the dinner table for attention. Shouts and jumps and waves his hands. Struggles with the concept of personal space. Deaf people may not hear, but they are not quiet.

However social services stays involved. A quirk like that is dangerous so they want it to be monitored closely. The parents don't really want to force Hizashi to goto speech therapy or force him to wear hearing aids but social services requires it potentially even taking them to court to mandate it for the child's care. So there he is at a very young age receiving his first hearing aids.

The parents are not thrilled but support Hizashi anyway. They want him to have the best possible life he can and they know that forcing him into the hearing world is not the way to go. Hizashi is startled by the new noises and responds to them as you often see in the Deaf child gets hearing aids videos. Oh yes so sweet or something. (Those videos are super harmful for Deaf community. Not related and a discussion for another time.)

Hizashi and his parents return home where he promptly flushes them down the toilet because he hates them. (Super common for young Deaf kids.)

Thus comes several years of him destroying or losing various sets of hearing aids. He doesnt know how expensive they are and his parents are not paying for them because it is the government requiring he have them for quirk control.

One day when he is maybe 6 or 7 he hears music for the first time properly. It is a new and better set of hearing aids, they are walking through some festival and bam, there it is, someone playing a guitar or something. He pretty quickly falls in love with it.

He doesnt expect his parents to support him, but they do. They are just as enthusiastic for him to become involved with music as he is. As long as it is what he wants and not something that is being forced on him. They can feel the bass vibrations and enjoy music. He ends up with several instruments, they can't afford the lessons but he learns online but never shows anyone.

He is a genius child. He learns how to arrange light shows to go with his music.

When he enters school he is put into the Deaf Ed program with the rest of the Deaf kids. Still immersed in Sign language. Since he learned Sign first, japanese as a second language comes decently easy to him and he learns to read quickly. He starts to actually listen during his court mandated Speech therapy though he doesn't talk.

He has a quirk accident as a child. Of course he does. All children do. But his accident shatters windows at the school. He doesn't mean to but he struggles with volume control though. Doesnt understand it is something he really needs to work on or monitor.

Of course they start requiring that he go to quirk training outside of school. A specialist is required for these things they say.

His parents are reluctant but have to do as told in order to be allowed to keep him.

He hates the quirk training. He is learning to listen to and understand spoken word now though he never speaks. He can also lip read a decent amount because of all of the therapy which focus's on oral. Even though that isnt the correct path. Hearing people often think that it is. But he understands. Understands they are calling his quirk evil, dangerous, perfect for a villian. But he trains, he tries. From then on he only uses his voice during his mandated quirk training sessions.

He doesn't speak, he doesn't hum. He is doing his best to stay on behavior. It stays like this for years. Of course he occasionally has accidents. One time out with his Dwaf friends he laughs too loud, some bystanders ear starts to bleed. The bystander calls the police.

This is the first time that Hizashi gets arrested. He is just a child but he and the police do not understand each other they think he is resisting arrest, hisashi doesnt understand why they are there. It goes on his juvenile record as unauthorized quirk use in public. He doesn't laugh again. Not for a long time.

He has a few more incidents like that and he is not thrilled but learns to be perfectly quiet. No noise at all.

But he is still a happy child. A bright child. He knows he can control his quirk and just live his life the way he wants to and he will. He is a natural talent with music though he never sings.

His family isn't rich, but they have the basic additions. His parents have a hearing dog, they have flashing doorbells and vibrating alarms. Flashing fire alarms. All of the standard equipment that is considered typical to living a Deaf life.

But they do not have a Deaf intruder Alarm.

One night a villian decides they are easy targets. Hizashi isn't home. He is at a friends house. His parents die that night.

This changes many things in Hizashi's life.

He goes back into the system. No one wants him when they learn about his unique difficulties. His record and his quirk. The fact that he is Deaf. But none of that matters he has made a decision. He will become a hero. And he will find the person who murdered his parents and make sure they never hurt anyone else.

A few months later social services finds a foster family willing to host Hizashi. The house father is not a kind man. When Hizashi arrives he gives Hizashi a list of rules to follow. No quirk use, no speaking. Among others. Hizashi moves from his old school and loses his friends. His foster father puts him into hearing mainstreamed classes.

Things are much more difficult for him now. But he will survive. He starts studying to get into UA. He works harder at his mandated training. It would give him an edge over the others.

He cries out in his sleep one night. Nightmares from traumatic experiences.

His foster father has a special muzzle made. When he enters the home he wears it until he leaves instructed to eat breakfast on the way to school and dinner in the backyard away from the other house kids.

He grows to hate people like this. A darkness festering in his soul. A delicate balance between two paths he could fall down.

He studies technology too. Experiments with creating things when he can. His is paranoid. He doesnt want to be caught off gaurd like his parents so he wants to create a flashing alert for his door and windows. He is sure some are already out there but he no longer has access to these things.

At 14 he starts to speak. Not at home, not at school. But at his required speech therapy. To the surprise of all he speaks perfectly. No accent, no lagging, perfect volume control, and perfect speech. He is just as surprised as everyone else. A quirk specialist decides it is a part of his quirk. His quirk being Voice, it seems to override some of the effects of being Deaf.

Hizashi is pleased because he knows this gives him an easier path to the world of hero's. Having to overcome the barrier of speech issues would have been difficult. He doesn't speak often.

Depression settles in. But he has a goal. He moves forward. He applies for UA for the scholarship program. On the day of the test he wipes the floor with his opponents. No one knows how to handle his quirk. He makes it in easily.

He decides then and there that he will change everything. He will be happy and bright and like he was as a child. For his parents. And he is. He finds himself melding more into the hearing world. He has to.

He creates his own combat hearing aids, out of a set of headphones and some old hearing aid parts. Not perfect but progress. He does such a good job he is allowed into the support work shop and soon has a much better set. He keeps the first pair forever though.

When he meets Shouta, the other child doesnt care about his hearing aids. Or about much at all. Hizashi learns that Shouta knew a Deaf girl at his school back in middle school. Shouta knows basic signs but never bothered to really talk to her either.

Hizashi is still thrilled. By the time they graduate Shouta is reluctantly good at it.

Hizashi never looks back to his foster family once he moves out. He goes on to do wonderful things in the hero community. He uses his radio show as a platform for children in the foster system and children with disabilities. He never wants anyone to feel the way he did.

He eventually tells Shouta about his parents. Shouta just let's him talk. Hizashi needs it. But Hizashi is happy now, there is still a darkness in his soul, something that pulls tight if he gets to angry. A flash of the villian he could be. But being with Shouta tends to keep it at bay.

It isnt until years after they graduate, in their early twenties after college, that Shouta looks at Hizashi, who has grown his hair out. Hizashi is laughing with Nemuri and tosses his longer hair over his shoulder. Shouta realizes that this man looks almost identical to the girl he went to middle school with.

Shouta tracks her down out of curiosity. After some finagling he learns that this girl is indeed Hizashi's twin. He eventually tells Hizashi. Hizashi reunites with his twin sister and develops a bond that will never break with her. It will take many more years before he finds the will to speak with his borth parents. He doesnt know if he will be angry or not. It doesnt matter either. Because the Deaf couple that adopted him, and loved him, had been his parents and no one could replace them.

He lives happily with what he has built for himself. Bouncing between the Deaf and hearing communities. He builds hearing aids and other aids for underprivileged Deaf families and children. He creates his own line of alarms connected to video feeds. His house is always armed to the max. But it isnt so bad once he marries Shouta, able to trust him to hear intruders as well. Though the man sleeps like the dead so he never stops using the alarm system anyway.

Eventually he meets another boy with a voice quirk, shunned for his abilities and with a darkness brewing in his soul.

So of course he keeps that boy. He had been adopted after all, so adopting isnt a difficult decision.

#deaf-bakugou #deaf my hero academia #deaf hizashi #deaf present mic #deaf #deaf culture #adoption #murder warning #shouta aizawa #hizashi yamada #aizawa shouta #yamada hizashi #shinsou hitoshi #child abuse

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lovingsiriusoswald · 5 years

Text

“Fragile, But Not Weak”

Part 5 - Her POV (Other parts here)

Characters: Kyle Ash and Delinquent!Alice

Word Count: 2051 words

Warnings: Mentions injuries, blood and catastrophic fires.

Tagging: @christmaswarlock, I hope you come back safe from your trip! Also @plumpblueberry, @midnightcradle and @bumbleberry-jamboree again because your comments really motivate me a lot aaaaa thank you guys so much!!

⊱ ──── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

The sun’s rays skim over my cheek, waking me from my slumber. Pain washes all over my body and my left thigh felt numb, barely able to move it. One lazy eye flutters open and I’m blinded by the bright light of the morning. A groan leaves my lips as I let my eyes adjust and a hand weakly brushes over the injury, feeling the sticky liquid stain the dress. Gotta change the bandages, before heading out to Kyle. I try to open my other eye, but a pounding headache stops me from moving any further.

The door bursts open, followed by a peeved voice yelling at me. “Dammit, Alice! You’re just as stubborn as King Lancelot!” Kyle walks over to me with a frown and scans my limp body, his mouth agape as he sets down his medical bag.

“Jesus, what the hell did they do to you.” He fixes the pillows and helps me sit up. “Word got out as soon as you crashed those disciples in the pub, I doubt that they plan on hurting you again anytime soon.” His explanation goes over my head, That happened? He loosens my clothing, before lifting the ends of the dress up. “Fenrir told me everything.” He removes the used bandages and pulls out the ointments and cleaning equipment, then started dressing the wound.

“He..called you?” My eyes followed his hands as I muttered in disbelief, trying to remember what happened last night.

“Yeah, wouldn’t have known that you were injured if it weren’t for him. Knowing how stubborn and crazy you are, I thought you’d manage to get out of the incident unharmed. I guessed wrong.” His eyebrows furrowed as the redhead starts stitching the wound, pain prickling over and over again.

“If it weren’t for him, I would’ve been dead..” Stunned, my voice hushes to a whisper as I start to remember what happened and realizing that Godspeed saved my life. I’m grateful, really, but..

“And that’s fantastic. You’re gonna live longer now.” His topaz eyes glare at me. “I’m assuming he’s gonna report what happened to his leaders and offer you to be under their care.” He pulls out a magic crystal that had been molded to the shape of a rod, then gently tracing the stitches to close the wound a little further.

“I don’t need more people worried about me.” Frozen and staring mindlessly as he finishes dressing the cut, then tugs the dress sleeves to show the few bruises that bloomed on my skin. He puts small dots of ointments on them, before placing an ice pack on whatever contusions it could cover. “I’m dying, Kyle. People shouldn’t have to—”

"Oh shut up with the whole ‘I’m gonna die’ antic, will you?” He grumbles and yanks my arm towards him, pulling me close enough to make me look at him directly in the eye. “You will live. I’ve been studying on the cure and I’ve been making progress.”

“My sickness has no cure.” I remind him.

“Not until I’m finished with my research.” He leans in a little closer and I gulp at the sight of his topaz eyes darkening. “Alice, I swear to God you’ll be catching these hands if you go against your doctor’s medication. All I’d ask you to do is not strain yourself because your lungs can’t take too much exertion; yet lo and behold! I hear you jumping over roofs, dodging bullets and kicking the Magic Tower disciples’ asses.”

“At least I’ll die in a cool way.” I joked and the doctor rolled his eyes.

“Now you’re just being annoying. If Cradle had a Best of Patients Awards, you’d be a close second to King Lancelot.”

“What category?”

“Most stubborn patient.”

“I’m honored.” I dramatically place my free hand over my chest and smile. He rolls his eyes and loosens his grip and started dabbing the ice pack gently on the bruises, the dark purple discoloration slowly diminishing with the help of magic. It never ceases to amaze me how medicine works well with their unique resource, it would’ve been very helpful if we had something like it back home.

But then again, it shouldn’t.

“I talked with Fenrir and gave him a doctor’s clearance for you to stay at the Black Army Headquarters. I’m recommending you to rest there.” He declares and I open my mouth to protest, but he immediately cuts me off. “As much as I want you to stay in here so you won’t get stuck between the dispute of the two armies, you need to be with other people who will keep an eye on you. I don’t trust you to look over yourself because the last time I did, you nearly got yourself killed.”

“I really, really appreciate you being all worried for me and wanting to save this pitiful life, Kyle. But I’m a lost cause.” I say softly with a heart wrenching in sorrow.

“All the more reason to try and find a cure.” He says simply and attends to the bruises and cuts on my knuckles. “Alice, its been three months since you stayed here and all you’ve done is work at the confectionery and run around being chased by soldiers. You live alone and good God, people don’t even know you exist. Try changing that life, would you?”

“You sound like a mom scolding her child for not going out and play like they normally would.” I scoffed. It was ironic how this drunkard lectures me about changing lifestyles.

“Then I’d have to mother you 'til you get sick of me and just do what I tell ya.” He smiles and helps me stand. “A carriage would arrive soon and send you to the Black Army Headquarters. I’ll help you get ready.”

“Now you sound like you’re sending me off to a ball or something.” I chuckled, in hopes of making the situation lighter.

I hated all of this. This feeling of pulling everyone down just for how uncontrollably weak I am. It was exactly the reason why I moved out to London, then ultimately deciding to follow that Rabbit down a magic hole in the ground and stayed in Wonderland.

Cradle is an oasis, literally magical and far better than home. People didn’t know who I was, but they treated me fairly and kindly. There were still less than five people who knew and they were more than enough to worry me, what if I hurt them by accident if they got too close? The Great Fire of Newcastle and Gateshead was already too much for me to bear and my sickness was a curse bestowed upon me the second the first drop of blood was spilled. If I hurt the people here as well — I know I will be forever damned.

The fire.

Dear God, the fire.

I swallowed a breath as I desperately pushed the thought away. My fists curl tightly to stop them from shaking and sank further down the tub. My eyes glanced over the small crack by the door to see if Kyle would be able to see me. Confident that he wouldn’t, I let out a shallow huff, the first hot tear rolling down from my left eye and I shiver in the warm water.

For a moment, the vicious blaze flickers to life again right in front of me and my body freezes. My ears started ringing as the disembodied blood-curdling cries of help erupts in the flames. The air around me was too hot but the sweat forming on my head was as cold as ice. “You witch! What have you done?!” My friend screamed at me. His pupils hauntingly shrank in fear as he rapidly burns to ashes, another explosion follows and shakes the building.

It was an accident. I told him as he disintegrated into nothing but bones. I didn’t know what—I didn’t want it to happen.

I felt a knot tightening around my throat as my fingertips lightly brush over my wound. 400 people injured and 53 killed, the newspapers said. The horrendous explosions of sulfur at the Gateshead warehouse was a spectacular historic catastrophe in the 19th century. No pieces of evidence indicated the origin of the fire and the cause of the explosion, the two inquest juries declared. Though theories of gunpowder presence and gas pressure were considered possible, there were no points that made it true.

No one knew. The ones who did died at the very moment the fire broke out.

How did you survive the great fire? The journalists threw countless questions when I stepped out of the hospital, still bandaged and too traumatized to speak. Do you know what happened in the fire? But I can’t tell them what I knew, despite the blinding rewards the town government offered.

They didn’t know, they will never know.

A knock on the door pulls me out of my daze, “Alice, you good?” I sat up as the door slightly opened more to let the redhead peek. I nodded at him and he closes it again, leaving the air cold once more.

No one will ever know.

Once I got out and dressed, Kyle helps me pack my bags. He reminds me of my prescription and medications, and my head bobs mindlessly all the while as my body moves on its own to pack my things.

The fire. Dear God, the fire.

Closing the bag, my body halts his hand lands on my shoulder. “The Black Army.. they’re kind of a ruckus. If you ever feel uncomfortable around them, don’t hesitate to send a letter and I’ll help you find a place to stay in somewhere near my clinic.”

“If you’re worried about that, why did you send me there anyway?”

“Fenrir.. I think he likes you.” His lips twitched slyly to a smirk and my face involuntarily scrunches in disgust. “But seriously, the poor lad’s worried sick about you.”

“Just great.” I murmur and attempt to pick up the bag, but my arms give out and I dropped it back to the ground.

“Let him help you, Alice. The Ace of Spades may be an idiot but I’m sure he means well.” He somehow effortlessly picks it up, before shoving his hands into his pockets.

“I don’t need more people worried about me. The fact that you and Blanc always did, it’s already enough to make me cry myself to sleep.” I chuckle dryly as I turn away from him. My eyes move towards the reflection over the full-length mirror and meet his worried gaze there.

“Just wait a little longer, I can help you. I promised you that since you first came here.” He stares at my hand, then sighed softly. Please, please stop worrying about me.

“I’ll wait. But if I’m at the edge, don’t try to save me."My hands clenched against my skirt.

"You’re such an idiot.” Kyle leans down to put his head on my shoulder. At this distance, I could hear his quiet, uneven breathing. “I’ve already lost someone important and I don’t plan on letting that happen ever again — whether they be someone from the other side of the moon or someone from the Black Army — I don’t care. I’ll make sure that anyone under my care is safe and alive and well. Especially you.”

My body stays still, letting him spill all of his emotions and thoughts one by one. Taking note of what words made his voice crack and of what hurt him most. I realize how greedy I’ve been and that gave me more reasons to stay away. I’m hurting Kyle and it’s hurting me just as much. I’m not someone important, yet he’s putting his heart and soul and tears for a cure. “You owe me a bottle for making me sad.” He laughs dryly and a smile grows on my lips.

“That, I can promise. Drinks are on me.” He finally lifts his head off my shoulder and I turn back to him with the brightest smile I could give, in high hopes of reassuring his worries.

“Great, next week?” A soft smile paints on his face as he blinks away the tears that had formed on his eyes.

“Pick me up after before sunset at the confectionery.”

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kandyrezi · 5 years

Text

-- tell me, little wolf (if you crave bloodlust);

(ok, i don’t normally do this, but i felt this was better as a one-shot, since i really like this idea.)

pairing: fem!idate x fem!shirogane (red-sea AU!)

warnings: noncon, violence, blood and injury

word-count: 4k

///

the sea had turned blood-red a little while ago in blink of an eye. no one quite comprehended how it happened or what was behind the cause of it. it must have begun in the south and stretched all the way over to the arctic ocean. the marine plants living in the waters were in the process of rotting or turning into an odd, muddy color from the vibrant ones they used to be. the iceberg isle used to be fairly isolated with only a few residents living there equipped to handle the harsh climate all year, but then several fugitives from the south of the sea came searching for shelter at the isle.

most of the creatures that lived in the sea were injured, traumatized from the events that had occurred, had lost their homes and family – or in most cases, all of those mentioned tragedies at once.

rock hunted fish for those too weak and shaken up to do it themselves. sometimes the fish would come reeled up in odd shapes and forms, red eyes and fins at unnatural angles that often rendered them mildly unsettling to look at. rocma helped search for shelter for all those in need for the time being, whether or not temporarily if they decided to stay or move on to somewhere else other than the iceberg isle. yukisada took in and helped those who were potentially at risk of being injured or ill. his house was currently occupied by six strangers, most either in a natural habitat most comforting for them or laying down on a soft surface, waiting for the treatment to settle in and for the pain to fade.

shirogane sat on a lone stool located against the wall, hands on lap as she observed the snowy owl working on one of the patients, with bottles of saline and antibiotic ointment within reach. an hour had passed and it seemed he was finally almost done with them.

“did you hear about peraco taking in a young vampire squid child? apparently he was entirely on his own when he got here and peraco had agreed to let him stay with her and her brothers... i guess she didn’t want him to be on his own.”

yukisada tried to make small-talk once he was done stitching and bandaging a humanoid lantern shark’s shoulder due to having a large bite taken out of it by a much bigger creature with sharp teeth – bone sticking out and dried gore that stuck to skin – with likelihood of having gotten infected had they not gotten to medical care sooner.

“i suppose… i just feel bad that he probably lost his parents at that age, that’s why he’s alone...” shirogane murmured.

yukisada stood to pull off the bloodied gloves and throw them away, washing his hands underneath the running water from the sink, then drying them with a towel.

he tried to offer some consolation to that, “it’ll be alright, we’re here to help them. as much as we’re able to anyway.”

‘can’t always help all of them...’ shirogane wanted to say, but countering his optimism with her usual pessimism wasn’t something they needed at the moment.

two days had passed since the mysterious beginning of the red sea and tensions still hung heavy in the air. some of these deep-sea animals talked of the ones from the red sea (‘sea of death’, some referred to it as), the ones who were the cause of it, corrupted their homes and did the same to everyone who tried to fight back or hadn’t managed to escape in time. they had been uncertain of how likely it was that they’d be followed all the way over here, but they weren’t too eager to go and find that out.

shirogane watched as yukisada tried to persuade one of the other wounded refugees – a crayfish – to drink something from a cup, but their limbs were shaking so violently and sweating profusely, breaths coming in short gasps and ultimately rendered unable to do much. another attempt of trying to soothe and asking them to close their eyes for a minute. shirogane found herself a little bit squeamish at watching a needle being plunged into the crayfish’s arm, so she opted to look away towards someone else instead not in as much pain.

their bodies weren’t accustomed to dealing with cold climates like on the arctic, even if their physical wounds could be treated, there was still a risk of them catching a high fever. a blue shrimp lay inside a bowl on the bedside desk, swimming back and forth in saltwater, choosing not to switch to his humanoid form from the high amount of stress he must’ve currently been experiencing.

“meadowsweet and tamarind could work in decreasing the high temperature of their bodies, but i’ve run out of any herbal medicine. i think rocma might have some.”

shirogane listened absentmindedly, wiping her hands on her skirt due to how clammy they’d become, despite washing them an hour prior from the blood of one of the patients.

“can you please go ahead and fetch some for me? i would do it myself, but i really can’t leave their side. if you see nakayama on the way by any chance, could you ask him to make a delivery for some more? the sooner, the better.” yukisada requested with worry, eyeing his patient as the anesthesia seemed to finally have kicked in and the crayfish stopped their thrashing and were beginning to fall into a painless slumber.

shirogane’s dread increased significantly at the huge responsibility thrown at her all of a sudden. if she were to mess this up, then these marine animals’ lives could potentially be at her hands. regardless, she couldn’t just turn down her friend’s request, a quite important one at that.

the wolf gulped, “y-yeah, sure, i can… i’ll try and do that.”

“stay safe out there.” yukisada reminded.

with a curt nod, she walked over to the front door of their shared house and then outside, closing the door behind her as the warmth inside slipped from her skin.

the crimson sea created a clear contrast between the glistening snowy tundra with the sky coating it a dull, gray color. she recalled the ocean warming the snow and giving it a gentle hue of cerulean blue, but there was nothing like that anymore; the cerise threatened to consume the iceberg in its entirety. it wasn’t right – wherever she set her eye, a faint speck of red could be spotted reflecting off of any building or mountain.

the arctic wolf figured a trip to the polar bear’s habitat and back with an additional search for nakayama might be a little safer if she carried a weapon with her with all the commotion going on now that she had more than just a few violent brutes to worry about wandering around the isle. either a harpoon gun or her bat engraved with nails would be useful – which the latter had gotten lost in a tussle a while ago unfortunately, so that one was probably out of the question.

shirogane kept her harpoon gun hidden away in the cavern she frequently ran into to get away from all the bullying and harassment of other iceberg residents. she felt a little pathetic for thinking it, but she was grateful everyone was preoccupied with all the newcomers, so she would be left alone for a while, even if she did feel sorry for all those who’d lost their homes in the process.

she didn’t know how to help either; mainly just staying by yukisada’s side whenever he asked for her assistance, but since he was well-versed in his medical care, he often didn’t need her to do much other than press down on someone’s wound to keep them from bleeding out while he worked on stitching them.

reaching the cavern, she searched around the area, footsteps lightly echoing as she did. she found a pile of snow with something black and metal sticking out from the side. brushing away the top of the white mini-mountain, she pulled out the slightly frozen weapon into her hands, wiping away most of the frozen bits, freezing cold to the touch.

she slung the strap over her shoulder, keeping the gun pinned against her back – then she set off to find her way to get some herbal plants for yukisada. breath pale against the numbing air, her face was captivated by the soft, dusty illusions of light that sat heavy on her eyelashes. shirogane’s heart was beginning to beat against her chest more audibly as the frost fell on her pointed canine ears, making them twitch. the compulsive urge to constantly look behind her as if to expect something with malicious intent to lunge at her without warning.

having chosen the quickest route to her destination, through several big rocks twice her own size that made the path uneven and curved, with the possibility of slipping and falling frequently on the more slippery and icy areas. jumping from a steep ascent into snow that reached her knees, she attempted to focus on the sound of her footsteps softly crunching on the snow to block out the delusional paranoia of ghosting gloved hand on her shoulder.

sweat clung to her forehead like pins and needles. what she might have thought to be simply white noise in her head of following steps and limbs of someone else on her snapped out of daze when shirogane felt a hot breath against the nape of her neck. the presence of someone standing behind her, and not the imagination playing tricks on her of a gentle hand on her shoulder, but a tight grip that bruised the deeper the nails sunk into the flesh through her shirt.

with a loud gasp, she felt her foot get stuck in a slope between two rocks, as she barely whirled around to stumble backwards and identify the imposing threat, when she felt herself hoisted up and then flung against a rock a few feet away. body slamming against the sharp edges and hearing a crack, the back of her head plummeting as well, making her vision disorienting and feeling a warm liquid dripping down her forehead onto the tip of her nose. squeezing her eyes shut as she involuntarily slumped against it, limbs too in pain from the sudden harsh impact.

her ears slouched from the ringing sound she likely imagined to be just in her own head – but the voice she heard not too far from where she sat could not definitely be just her mind being over-imaginative.

“lit͜t͜l͡e̴ p̕u҉p̡p̵y.”

her heart began to pick up speed again. it was the orca.

as shirogane looked up to observe her, there was something fundamentally different about her. her gaze was colder, more menacing and piercing through the wolf to the point she felt her eyes alone could stab her through the heart. instead of wearing the usual gray undershirt, it was now a deep red; her lip gloss and eye-shadow shone a similar color.

“what a coincidence i just so happened to run into you. haven’t seen you in a while and you’re exactly as i remember you.” the tall, womanly orca lips’ quirked upwards, “lost, weak, frightened. some things simply never change, do they?”

“y-y-you...” shirogane swallowed the lump in her throat, physically having to force the words out of her throat. something was wrong, something was always wrong when idate was around, but this time, things were somehow worse, but her gut feeling only told her so much, not why.

“yes, you mangy mutt. it is me you’re looking at.” she snarled, stepping closer.

shirogane shakily stood up, back of her knees against the rock as her eyes trailed back and forth, trying to find the safest exit away from a possible forthcoming disaster.

“in a hurry somewhere, are you?” asked the orca.

“i have to get to yukisada… if i don’t, a-all those people in his care will die.” that had been a lie, she didn’t even make it to rocma’s house, but she instantly regretted trying to plead the orca to leave her alone just this once with whatever excuse she could muster out.

“oh, how selfless of that bird. how sad, then, that those weak beings all huddled together will just have to die?”

“p-please–“

“come on now, let’s play together. just like the old times, shall we?” she tried to reach out for her, but the other jumps to her left, leg accidentally kicking the gun a few feet away from her, turning her head to see if she could potentially make a grab for it.

“no! s-s-stay back!” the wolf bellowed.

“oh, but shirogane..." idate mused with sadistic glee in her voice, "you know what happens to poor, helpless puppies that don't listen to what i say?”

idate must have noticed her eyeing the harpoon gun next. the arctic wolf jumped for her only weapon in reach, just as idate was ready to pounce. nearly tripping over own feet, shirogane pointed the gun at her enemy and hastily pulled the trigger. with poor aim due to having only one intact eye only managed to pierce idate in the shoulder, with the harpoon poking out from the other side of her flesh, causing the orca to hiss in pain and stumble backwards.

it hardly seemed to unfortunately deter her, a mere twitch of eye and furrow of brows as she glared venomous daggers at the other and spoke, “i’ll make sure you pay for that.”

too frozen in her fight or flight instincts, shirogane couldn’t bring herself to move a trembling muscle until it was too late to raise the gun again to prevent assault at the last second. having been forced onto her back with harsh force, gun falling from hands and out of eye range.

idate caged shirogane underneath her, pressed into the freezing ground as deep crimson eyes glared into terrified golden ones. her left hand was around the wolf’s throat, harshly pressing against her windpipe – a direct threat she’ll crush her larynx with a mere flick of her wrist dared the other fight back. a whimper escaped the wolf, when a hand suddenly cracked against the side of her face with enough force for her chocked sobs to get stuck in her throat alongside a lasting red bruise. the orca pulled the harpoon out of her shoulder, lips turning into a snarl as she did, the action of doing so clearly causing a degree of discomfort, even if she didn’t show it outright.

she plunged the pointy, barbed spear into shirogane’s shoulder instead as she squealed, blood spurting and keeping her impaled in place, not having as much strength as idate to try and pull it out.

“now we can finally have a good playtime~” the orca smirked.

idate was ruthless in her violent actions, bared teeth and bruising grip that left wounds which wouldn’t heal for a while. normally she liked to play cat and mouse with her victims, entice them in, lure them with sweet words, and rip them apart once they realized a little too late what they’d gotten themselves into following such sultry voice of enticement into a death trap.

slipping her hand underneath the wolf’s skirt, scratching against her thighs as idate plunged three of her fingers into shirogane’s heat without warning. the wolf gasped and squirmed in discomfort at the sudden intrusion. she attempted to wiggle out of the taller orca’s vice grip, but her bare legs straddled the wolf’s hips, keeping her pinned securely.

her fingers worked at a merciless pace, as the wolf whined and choked on her sobs. just as she was beginning to get used to the uncomfortable sensations, idate added another digit inside her growing arousal, becoming slicker the longer she kept going with her ministrations. the pained whimpers were borderline turning into moans of pleasure.

it wasn’t too often when shirogane’s body felt violated and used by the orca to establish dominance over her, but it usually never lasted for too long and the orca never even allowed her to finish, preferring to dabble in humiliation and watching tears flow.

idate finally retreated her fingers, much to her relief (disappointment? no, definitely relief), leaving a trail of wet stickiness against her thighs and the feeling of her entire body quiver at the lost sensations.

there was a hot breath against the side of her neck, then a chunk of flesh was taken out of shirogane’s other shoulder, a much worse pain than what she already felt, crying out. idate stood up, admiring the work she left laying in the snow. but from the growing grin on her red lips told her victim she wasn’t done. something else was to come and she dreaded whatever it would be.

“i can think of all sorts of things to do that’ll look so good on you, i can promise you that, my puppy.”

abruptly idate had shirogane yanked up by her hair as the wolf yowls helplessly in pain. the orca wrapped a strong arm around the wolf’s neck and dragged her towards the ocean, while the wolf kept trying to drag her heels into the ground or kick her legs against her aggressor’s, which only made the pressure around her neck tighten. the orca stopped momentarily once they reached the edge of the iceberg, then jumped into the ocean without warning, drowning out shirogane’s yells for help once her head went below the surface of the water.

shirogane felt like she was drowning – and she likely was – air disappeared from her lungs, only to slowly be filled with salt water, through her nose and mouth, throat being engulfed by liquid. a vague illusion of light behind her eyes was the only thing she could gaze at. the sun was reaching out to her, trying to pull her back into the surface, but the mass of weight holding her trapped against her will only dragged her deeper to the bottom where no one would see terror and fright in her eyes anymore.

but something else entirely.

- : - : - : - : - : -

yukisada sat worriedly at the table. almost an entire day had passed and his housemate still hadn’t come back. it should logically have taken no longer than an hour or two, even if she might have ran into some trouble on the way, though he hoped that she hadn’t. his stomach clenched slightly at the thought. he really didn’t want for shirogane to show up half-beaten to death and for him to have another patient in his already occupied hands. the uneasy thoughts swimming in his mind only made him tap his fingers against the table nervously in irregular beats.

he had tried simple lemon tea and cold towels on their foreheads as an alternative for their bodies’ worryingly growing temperature. it seemed to work to a certain extend, but the plants he requested to be brought back might prove to be more effective.

at the sound of the door creaking open from the other room, the snowy owl’s head snapped up and his ears perked. he hoped his worst of thoughts would be proven false, sitting up from the stool as it slid backwards with a creak against the floor. he rushed from around the corner to spot a familiar fur of white hair and canine ears slowly peering inside.

at the slightest recognition of familiar appearance, yukisada was already beaming as he rushed over.

“oh, shirogane, you’re back! you took so long and i was getting really worried! are you injured in any–“

yukisada found himself unable to finish his inquiries, mouth gaping open when his mind finally processed what he saw at the front door gazing right back at him.

shirogane tucked the hair covering her injured eye away from her line of sight, except said eye was no longer squeezed shut due to the ragged scar that ran across it. she was staring back at him with both orbs intact. the injured eye was slightly crooked and not sitting quite right in her eyesocket, nearly threatening to fall out, but it was wide and an entirely wrong color.

red. he saw red.

(the color of the sea as it was now.)

she was wearing a miniskirt instead of an overall one, gray tights and fishnet stockings, boots with high-heels, one side of her white button-up was hanging loosely on her shoulder. her clothes looked slightly soaked, like she’d been thrown into water covered from head to toe, her usual curled, thick hair wrapped in a loose braid was straight and hanging limp on her shoulder, tips of it slightly darker due to still being wet.

“s-shirogane?”

the wolf smiled wide, baring her sharp teeth.

“i’m really sorry about that, yukisada. i got caught up in something else, you see, ah...”

a click of her boots against the flooring as she stepped a little closer, but yukisada stayed in place.

“i know you asked me to retrieve medicine for you... but i found something better on my way there.”

the snowy owl swallowed the lump in his throat, “o-oh, well, i gave the patients some tea to cool down their fevers, but some of them still aren’t doing much–“

shirogane interrupted him with a small frown of her lips, “those people are ungrateful and weak beings. she was right after all. i told her i was coming back to help them, but i really came to see you, yukisada... to take you with me.”

yukisada’s eyes widened slightly, “shirogane, are you alright?”

“oh, yeah!” she beamed, “never been better, in fact! i’m no longer in any pain or discomfort i like i was before. isn’t that a relief, finally?”

oh, no, no, nononono – something was wrong, terribly wrong. he didn’t want to believe it, but he couldn’t keep his internal facade of denials up for much longer. yukisada thought if something from the red sea in south had crawled its way over to the iceberg isle and infected shirogane with it – he had no knowledge of how it spread or what exactly it did to someone, but he did know for certain his friend was behaving too differently for something to not have happened while she was away. still, he would attempt to talk to her, maybe he just had a caught fever himself from one of the patients and was imagining this. he must have.

“who are you talking about anyway? shirogane, what happened to you? who did this to you?!”

yukisada took the risk in stepping closer to her, she may have looked wrong, but he relied on the possibility that his closest friend still wouldn’t possibly do anything to harm him.

“i’ll show you. if you come with me, then i’ll show you. you trust me, right? i’m your friend, yukisada. please, just trust me.” her voice went quiet, almost akin to pleading. and a part of him wanted to know the fiend responsible for making his friend act the way she did at that moment, but–

“but the injured people from the sea, they–!”

he tried to place his hand on her shoulder to pacify her, but she caught his wrist in a tight grip. it wasn’t painful by any means, but shirogane usually never inflicted this kind of force onto anyone, let alone him, out of everyone. but the kindness in her eyes was gone quickly as it came, her expression twisting into something akin to a snarl.

“co͝m͘e ̢o͜n͟,n҉o͞w,̴ y̶u͝kisa̷da҉. i̷date i̧s w͞ait̕i̛n͝g ̷a̵nd we͟ ̕d́o͡n’̀t want͡ t̶o ͢ma҉k̀e h͠er̢ anģr͝y̕,҉ d҉o we͟?”

#mogeko #funamusea #ice scream #shirodate #shirogane (ice scream)#idate (ice scream)#okegom #dsp #deep-sea prisoner #fem!idate #fem!shirogane #idate #shirogane #ficlets #lemon #i kind of wrote this on a whim but i hope it's ok regardless

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elliotwit · 5 years

Note

🌼💼🐢

🌼 HAPPINESS HEADCANON

Whilst Mirage might like you to think that he’s at his happiest when he’s in front of an adoring crowd, soaking up the attention and glory that he’s earned from his prowess in the Games, the reality is quite different.

Truthfully, Elliott is most content when he’s back home. Back in the tiny house he grew up in – or, to be more specific, in his mother’s workshop that she’d renovated one of the rooms into.

It had come to him as a shock, that after chasing his dreams across various star systems – basking in the cheers of his admirers, the empty praise and hollerings of encouragement – that he’d found that it was back where he’d all started, that he feels most at peace.

Although he’s known for running his mouth faster than he can keep up with it, he falls into a comfortable silence when working his mother, two pairs of skilled hands turning over complex pieces of equipment, making adjustments, comparing blueprints. Sure, his HoloPilot tech works great in the Ring as it is, but as Farah Witt always reminded him growing up, there’s always room for improvement.

Maybe it’s the familiarity of it all, maybe it’s just being glad to be home after so long away from the person he’s closest to. Or maybe it’s just having the chance to watch her, the odd stray strand of hair falling loose from its bun and over her face, deep in concentration. She chews her thumbnail when she thinks, a habit Elliott picked up of his own. And sometimes she catches Elliott watching, looking up and smiling gently.

Maybe it’s just getting to see her happy that makes these moments so very special.

(It helps, really, that this was a space that just the two of them shared throughout his childhood. None of his brothers had shown much interest in their mother’s work, only really set foot in here when trying to hunt her down in search of food or to complain or simply looking for her attention. For there’s a notable change in them both once they leave the room, crossing the threshold to the rest of the house. Just for a moment: a slight stiffening of the spine, a pressing of the lips, a breath held – and then it’s gone, his mother gliding on, calling after Elliott whether he wanted pork chops for dinner. Elliott tries to follow her lead, mirror that strength, lets his shoulders relax as if nothing ever happened. He never quite manages to capture the ease with which she manages it, but he does try.)

💼 WORK HEADCANON

Technically, Elliott has two jobs, having used his winnings from the Games to purchase the old bar he’d worked at for several years: Paradise Lounge.

Elliott didn’t just become a Legend because of the popularity of the Mirage persona, but also because he’s damn good at what he does. He’s physically very fit and an excellent shot, favouring the Wingman pistol most of all. Despite the fact he’s been competing for several seasons now, so people know to be on the lookout for his decoys, they still fall for his illusionary tactics given his talent for strategical thinking regarding their deployment.

One of Mirage’s main downfalls is that he often takes risks, to the detriment of his team, if a chance to seize glory arises. He’s very aware of the fact that the Games are being spectated by millions, and feels he has a reputation to live up to. That said, he remains a team player at the end of the day, and his ability to cloak himself in invisibility and run away from a difficult situation might look cowardly, but in reality has saved his team countless times when he’s been able to return and revive his teammates once danger has passed.

During the offseason, he returns to work at the bar although ‘work’ is perhaps too strong a word for it. He’s found the decoys prove extremely useful in performing all the tasks he dislikes doing: which is to say, nearly all of them aside from flirting with patrons. All the same, he is a fantastic host, and Paradise Lounge remains one of the most popular spots in Solace, with most of its clientele made up of people hoping to catch sight of the infamous owner, Mirage.

🐢 MENTAL HEALTH HEADCANON

Elliott shoulders many demons, a fact of which he is very acutely aware of whilst simultaneously refusing to deal with any of them.

He suffers from Generalised Anxiety Disorder, on top of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. His anxiety is something he has grown up with, as a consequence of feeling like he has to ‘perform’ in order to live up to others: and still ultimately failing in his attempts to do so. He developed a stammer and a tendency to stumble over his words during childhood, which his older brothers teased him relentlessly over. Whilst at heart, it was nothing malicious, children will be children, and Elliott was an easy target being not only the youngest child, but also the son who was the most attached to their mother, as well as the only one to shun enlisting in the military.

All three of Elliott’s brothers have been declared MIA during the events of the Frontier War, and whilst he tries to cling desperately to the notion that ‘missing in action’ does not mean dead, he knows deep down that they aren’t coming home. His brothers were not the only casualties of the war: he lost many friends and acquaintances, which has lead to him developing a deep fear of becoming intimately attached to a person: despite the fact that true intimacy with another being is his greatest desire

Elliott also has unipolar depression, as a result of the difficulties that have surrounded growing up during wartime, as well as his varying insecurities. He is incredibly hard on himself and his performance in the Games, despite his popularity. When he finds himself alone in the Ring, the rest of his team having fallen, he lapses into one of his most-despised habits: talking to himself, which he’ll quickly and irritably beat himself up for doing so. He can be very critical of his own performance when not in the company of other people, a vast contrast to his typical braggart bravado when he first steps foot in the Ring.

His multitude of issues and unwillingness to deal with them have led to him developing a multitude of poorly-formed coping mechanisms rather than face his demons. Humour and self-deprecation are two of his most infamous methods of avoiding confronting his problems, but defaults to deflecting and escaping when all else fails. This is a constant source of frustration for the people in his life that he lets close enough to care, with most eventually giving up on trying to chip away at the barrier of denial he has put up around himself given how adamant he is to maintain it.

For Elliott, it’s Mirage that people are drawn to, not the person behind the facade. It would be very difficult to convince him of the reality that the aspects of himself he’s most insecure about are often the things he’s most adored by his audience for – as well as the people who manage to grow close to him.

#fightforanswers #[meme answers]#cw: ptsd #cw: depression #cw: anxiety

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juliabenerdy · 5 years

Text

Top 12 Female MCU Characters

In celebration for Avengers Endgame coming out I wanted to do a post that was fun and non spoilery to put my love out there for Marvel. Since I am all about women power and things I thought this would be a great thing to do!

I am only doing women in the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) and this does not include TV shows that might slightly tie in to them. That was really hard. This is my opinion and not everyone will agree with it and there certainly can be a discussion but no bashing anyone of opinions. That is totally not nice. Anyway..like i said there will be no spoilers for Avengers: Endgame, but all other movies prior is free game--Be Warned!

12. Nebula

Abilities

Superhuman strength, agility and durability

Regenerative healing factor

Skilled hand-to-hand combatant

Skilled assassin

Wrist blasters

I love Nebula. Who doesn’t love an underdog story, plus she is probably one of the characters that most people could relate to. Who can’t relate to someone who has sibling rivalry? Of course, most people don’t have an insane father that will pit his children against each other into battles of almost death and when one looses the loosing child will get tortured with mutilation when getting cybernetic enhancements. The thing that most amazes me about Nebula in the MCU is her character growth. She shows that she truly loved and cared for her sister and it was the tyrant between them that kept them apart for so long. Ultimately she realizes that she was following a maniac and she starts helping the good guys in Avengers: Infinity War. I can not wait to see where her journey goes from here!

11. Hope “Wasp” van Dyne

Abilities

Size manipulation

Flight

Bio-electric energy blasts and extendable claws on her gloves

Skilled hand-to-hand combatant

Hope is the definition of independent woman in my eyes. She is a fighter. She is intelligent, not afraid to run with the big boys, teaches men how to punch, ambitious, and makes being the Wasp her own. Despite being estranged from her father for most of her childhood she learns forgiveness and softens to him when she finds out the truth about her mother. It takes a lot of character to forgive someone in my opinion and being lied to most of her life would be a lot to forgive, but in the long run letting love be the ultimate thing to win in her relationship with her dad and with Scott instead of pushing away is true bravery and a bad ass woman.

10. Agent Peggy Carter

Abilities

Skilled hand-to-hand combatant

Trained in Fire Arms

Military Combatant

Skilled Agent

Peggy Carter, the one that falls in love and gets the heart of Captain America. (Lucky....) Seriously, she is definitely a woman that can be a role model for little girls. She is like the ultimate bad ass. Smart, knows how to take care of herself, refuses to be a damsel in distress type, tough as nails, but still keeps her own form of feminine charm. Like I said bad ass and great role model. I would love to learn to kick butt from this woman and I would gladly tell everyone she was the Agent I learned from.

^ Brilliant

9. Okoye

Abilities

Skilled in many forms of combat

Exceptional in using various Wakandan weaponry and tools

Brilliant Tactician and Military Strategist

When I watched Black Panther I was moved and amazed by the female empowerment in the movie. You can actually see my previous blog about it! I am still in love with that factor of the movie. Okoye is one of my all time favorite characters of the MCU and favorite parts of Black Panther because she is smiply awesome. The King of Wakanda has women...women back him up. I want all sexist pigs out there to soak that in for a moment. If you are still grumbling and thing that T’Challa was wrong, remember all this:

youtube

8. Shuri

Abilities

Animorphism

Genius-level intellect

Expert martial artist

Necromancy

Super speed

Stone skin

Use of high-tech equipment and weapons including vibranium uniform

Enhanced agility, durability, endurance, reflexes, senses, speed, stamina and strength

I love this girl, because in the MCU she is one brainy badass. In the abilities listed above we definitely see the genius level intellect and her high tech weapon use.

I am going to just say right now I will loose my ever loving mind if i see her animorphism and necromancy skills in the next Black Panather movies. Holy crap. Mage and Harry Potter crap there! LOL Anyway, Shuri is definitely a refreshing woman to see in movies today. A woman that can take care of herself and lets say save the man in distress.

7. Mantis

Abilities

Master martial artist

Empathy

Plant manipulation

Accelerated healing factor

Astral projection

Ability to communicate telepathically with the Cotati

Energy projection

Okay, so in my opinion Mantis is one of the coolest Marvel heroines’ that has ever been introduced. I will be the first to say that she was actually one that I was not to familiar with until I looked her up after the Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 came out. Honestly, I do not think they have touched on half of what Mantis can do. Master martial artist? Where was that? Plant Manipulation? Um, yes please enhance Mantis characterization in the next films please Marvel because empaths can be totally badass and she is apparently no different. In Infinity War she jumped on Thano’s back and practically immobilized him! She was that powerful! Her power made it to where she almost made Team Iron Strange (lol like what I did there with the Team that was on that planet?) successful in Infinity War. Almost...*sigh*

6. Pepper Potts

This entry will be a little different. I said I was not going to spoil Endgame and I plan on keeping it that way. I will probably not have any blogs stating anything specific about the movie plot and things for a little while longer. That being said I still wanted to include Pepper because even though there is things I don’t want to say about her character and her story line in Endgame I still want to say how much I love her. She is smart and a very capable women. She is the one running Stark Industries after all and the woman that is in love with Tony Stark which is also hard, but I think she is the proof that Tony has a heart throughout the entire MCU.

5. Black Widow

Abilities

Expert tactician, hand-to-hand combatant and secret agent

Slowed aging, and enhanced immune system

Expert marksman and mastery of various other weapons via gauntlets

grappling hook

knock out gas

taser

explosives

tear gas pellets

radio transmitter

If you would ask me which female superhero I would want to be like the most, I would probably tell you the super femme fetal Black Widow. Who wouldn’t want to be a beautiful super spy badass? Natasha Romanov does not need super powers to be amazing. She just is and that is part of what makes her great. She is also not afraid to say that she has demons in her past and she is definitely wanting to atone for things that she has done wrong. That takes courage and guts to want to strive to be a better person. Not many people would even try to atone for anything. Natasha...you are definitely my hero.

4. Gamora

Abilities

Superhuman strength, speed, agility, and durability

Skilled assassin

Skilled hand-to-hand combatant

The Most Dangerous Woman in the Universe

I love Gamora. I think she is fierce, smart, strong, independent, beautiful and everything a badass woman should be! She fought for what she thought was right despite going against her father’s wishes. It can be extremely hard to go against family. Let’s pretend for a moment that her father was not a total psychopathic tyrant for a moment and consider that that is a hard thing to do. Yeah, if we go back to the fact that he is a psycho and he techinically murdered half her people, including her real family, and basically kidnapped her, it would still be weird to go against the man who raised you. It would at least takes guts to go against the person that raised you into the total badass bitch machine that you are now, knowing that he is a psycho so you could become a Guardian of the Galaxy because you have better morals and values! Gamora is legend. She is the Most Dangerous Woman in the Universe!

3. Valkyrie

Abilities

Superhuman strength, speed, durability, and longevity

Mediumship with spirits of the dead

Valkyrie is one of the most complicated female characters in the MCU so far and given a lot of depth in my opinion. She suffers from PTSD, which I can relate to, because of her battle against Hela. There are not many characters that you see with Post-Traumatic-Stress-disorder. Being the only survivor of the Valkyrior because of the battle against the Goddess of Death, she suffers a lot of loss, and she was also saved by one of her sisters in arms when almost speared through the heart by Hela. She drowns her sorrows in alcohol which is actually a very human thing to see despite the fact that we are supposed to be watching a woman that is superhuman. .The reason why I really like Valkyrie so much is because how much I relate to her. Instead of drowning in sorrow she realizes that she can not run from her past but get stronger from it. She is a inspirational woman that kicks total butt!

2. Scarlet Witch

Abilities

Reality warping

Magic

Probability manipulation

Teleportation

Matter manipulation

Time manipulation

Energy projection, manipulation and absorption

First of all, I think magic in the MCU world is fascinating, needless to say I am a fantasy nerd and mages, witches, and magic is a true love of mine anyway, but Scarlet Witch is right up there with Dr. Strange. When talking about pure power and abilities she is extremely the bomb. I wont go super nerdy on everyone here because most of the reason why I love her is because of playing her in old video games like X-Men Legends (turning bad guys into boxes--hahaha boxes) and the comic story lines (House of M anyone?). If I think about her character in the MCU alone I still love her because her powers are still ultimately powerful due to the mind stone. Her powers are more telekinetic and telepathic in nature in the MCU because of this. Remember when she manipulated the Hulk? Yeah that is power! She has had to go through a lot of crap and she always uses it to make her stronger. This is what makes her awesome.

1. Captain Marvel

Abilities

Superhuman strength, speed, endurance, and stamina

Energy projection and absorption

Flight

I really struggled with how I was going to rate my last five. I was not sure whether I was going to make our dear Captain Marvel number one, but she is number one to me, because I related to her. Simple and probably selfish, but it’s my list so LOL, This is my opinion of course, but I really did pick this a lot based on how I relate to Carol Danvers. She is one powerful woman and it was a lot of manipulation that toned down that power until she realized she could utilize her emotions to make her stronger. Her character growth was essentially understanding who she was and letting herself not be afraid of her power and her emotions. Danvers is powerful, sassy, funny, a fighter pilot, and an adventurer! Who wouldn’t want to be her?

So this is my list..like I said its all my opinion and I put a lot of what I feel in the reason. If you agree or not that is cool. I love to hear people’s opinions, that is if anyone is reading this LOL, but no battering people for their opinions! No spoilers for Endgame!

Just saying also...can we please get She-Hulk in the MCU! SHEESH!

At some point I might do a top list of males in the MCU with Spiderman coming out in awhile. Maybe a list of what I love about Spiderman..cause I love Spiderman. Who knows haha

#marvel mcu #female marvel mcu list #top 12 list #top female characters #nerdy approved #female warrior #marvel superheroes #marvel superhero females

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anundefinedwoman · 6 years

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Dissociation - Getting Lost Inside Yourself

What is dissociation? What does it mean to me? In an earlier post from the other day I had started to write about dissociation because I have found myself doing it more. The word has terrified me in the past. I never finished that piece of writing. I actually dissociated. Honestly I don’t know what these things mean for everyone. I can only speak for myself. Maybe I am wrong. But the term for me has had a certain stigma that sounds kind of split personality like. If I read the definition of it in articles I cannot relate to much of it. For me it is different. I think I have probably always dissociated to cope. I’m going to try to explain this without sounding too crazy but first I am going to define it according to http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders (link appears to not be secure at the time of publishing, so please be careful if you feel inclined to donate any money):

“Dissociation is a mental process that causes a lack of connection in a person’s thoughts, memory and sense of identity. Dissociation seems to fall on a continuum of severity. Mild dissociation would be like daydreaming, getting “lost” in a book, or when you are driving down a familiar stretch of road and realize that you do not remember the last several miles. A severe and more chronic form of dissociation is seen in the disorder Dissociative Identity Disorder, once called Multiple Personality Disorder, and other Dissociative Disorders.”

A lot of people describe it as watching themselves in a movie or floating.

I tend to get it whilst driving quite a bit. I’ve become I’m aware I’m doing it. I am on auto-pilot. I often wonder how I got from point A to point B. I won’t have a memory of the journey oftentimes. I can’t describe watching myself in a movie or from above. I go deep within. I retreat. I am still me though. There is still some awareness because I can have thought but I’m going deep, deep in trying to avoid thinking about what’s triggered me but feeling absolutely so worthless and trying not to tell myself “you’re worthless!” It’s almost like a zombie like state. I do that often at home too. I just phase out. Tune out. I tune out the world around me. Sometimes I hear nothing. I remember when my boys were little and we would have Disney or Cartoon Network on TV and they would go to school and hours later I would have this awareness like “Oh my gosh!! This annoying shit has been going for hours and I have not noticed! How is that even possible?” I had no memory of it. I would be engrossed in something quietly. There have been times even where I have looked in the mirror and it’s like seeing myself for the first time. This has occurred maybe a handful of times. When it has occurred it has felt like MAYBE I am seeing myself from a movie or through someone else’s eyes IF saying I feel like I’m seeing myself for the first time. It’s hard to describe. I remember twice actually during very traumatic events, something triggered a response (maybe a fight or memory), but looking and seeing myself and wanting to punish myself. The first time I was probably 13 or 14 and I took a pair of scissors to my bangs and I cut my hair to the scalp. I don’t think I actually meant to go that short. I remember my mom being so incredibly mad at me. She had wanted to do family photos that Christmas and I ruined her plan. We didn’t get it done. The second time was maybe 10 years ago. I saw myself with such disgust. I had always wanted to shave my head and that’s exactly what I did. I did it to punish myself. And then my husband told me I looked like a dyke or I looked butch. He was so mad at me. So in trying to punish myself I guess I did. I pissed other people off. I really digressed here. Actually that is kind of a funny memory for me. That took balls. I felt like GI Jane. I know people thought I had had my crazy Britney moment and maybe I did.

Or if I sit here and I start to think about certain things, my past…my childhood, my family, some aspects will be so painful that I will want to avoid it. To avoid it I’ve learned to pick a spot, glance to my left maybe and just stare and phase out. Completely phase out. I can phase out for a really, really long time this way. And I can be thinking about stuff. I have no idea what to be honest. I can actually do it on will. But that’s kind of silly. Not like when I feel threatened and I’m in flight or fight mode. I go inward, I retreat because it feels safe.

There are YEARS, I mean YEARS in my childhood that I don’t remember. I hardly remember any of it before the age of 12. I think that amnesia is a dissociative, self preservation capability.

But I don’t have a dissociative disorder. I have what is common with complex trauma. Ugh. I hate this so much. Trying to get past my past is so hard. It’s necessary. I wish more than anything I could just leave the past in the past. I’m sure that’s what anyone who would read this would think. Why can’t she just leave this alone? Why can’t she just let this go? Get over it, right? Live and let live!? Well I have tried! I have been to therapy before. There have been 2 suicide attempts. It landed me in an inpatient facility. Gosh I was hypnotized, and imagined my inner child walking through meadows. I beat a plastic chair with a towel because I had been too afraid to get angry. The anger was supposed to be directed at the boy who sexually abused me and maybe my mother. I can’t remember that part. I wasn’t allowed to be angry at my mother though. I remember her coming to family nights and saying that. So I doubt the chair symbolized her. I start to think back and like an automatic response my mind takes over and automatically zones out. It doesn’t want me going back. It’s almost like when you see double. You know when your eyes start to go from ok to seeing double? That’s how quickly and automatic the response is. I’m trying to attune myself to noticing what it’s like. When it happens. I’ve noticed myself drifting more and more lately. I think it’s because I’ve felt pushed and pressured to do something I don’t want to do. I feel uncomfortable. It is really, really triggering me. Even now just saying this sentence, I feel a physical response in my chest. I can’t fix what’s broken inside of me and heal my marriage simultaneously. I’m not equipped. I’m not even equipped to to heal myself at the moment. I feel so helpless and hopeless and lost. And I am so afraid. I’m used to carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Allowing guilt and fear to shame and control me. I cannot allow any outside forces to manipulate me at the moment. I want peace. I want to be understood. I want to be loved or rather I want to feel worthy of that love and I don’t want to be haunted by the ghosts of my past anymore. Only then, can I heal. Then I can begin to heal the rest.

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#dissociate #dissociation #cptsd #spilled words #complex trauma #detachment #Feeling Broken #thinking in song #infj #healing #journey to healing #Feeling hopeless #spilled thoughts #healing from trauma #trauma #feeling crazy #childhood trauma #letting go of the past

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infires-fanfic-blog · 6 years

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Witness Protection - Namjoon x Reader (18+) (6)

CHAPTER 6 - THE SCOLDING

(Word count: 2,134)

After driving in silence for a while, we arrived at a moderately sized white house. Namjoon parked the car and got out, walking over my side to open the car door for me like a nice gentleman.

My legs were quite unsteady and shaky still from my previous fright, so Namjoon had to support my weight a bit to help me walk up to the front door. I was thankful for his help, but also a bit embarrassed that my legs had decided to not work properly.

With me still hanging on to his arm, Namjoon got his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door, ushering me in as carefully as he could, leaving my belongings in the trunk of his car for now. However, as soon as we entered the house we were met face to face with a very distraught looking Mrs. Kim.

"KIM NAMJOON, JUST WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU-" she started to yell, but quickly caught sight of me and lowered her voice to a much less angry and more worried tone of voice. I was thankful that she stopped yelling, as me and yelling do not mix well whatsoever. She knew that all too well.

"(Y/N)... What are you doing here? Namjoon, what is she doing here?" She asked, quite dumbfounded.

Namjoon sighed and motioned for his mother to follow us as he led me to his living room and sat us all down on the couch so that we could talk.

"Sorry to make you bring your work home with you, but we have a bit of a predicament. It seems that the men who have been looking for (Y/N) have found the safe house. I was with her all night, since they spent a great amount of it trying to break down the door. Luckily, they didn't succeed." Namjoon explained with a tired look on his face. I felt really bad for keeping him up the rest of the night. I bet that he was exhausted.

"And you didn't think even once to call the police?" Mrs. Kim asked in an annoyed tone of voice, her arms crossed as she shot lazer beams at her son with her eyes.

"I left my phone in my car, and (Y/N) was in no state to think clearly. You know how traumatized she is, honestly I was so startled that the thought didn't even cross my mind to look for her cellphone. I however, will not make that mistake again. I'm sorry, mom." he responded as he put his head in his hands.

Mrs. Kim sighed a long drawn out breath and rubbed her face vigorously with her hands before getting up from her seat and placing her hands on her hips, once again staring at her son with an annoyed and frustrated expression.

"And you brought her here? Namjoon, did you not think that they could have been staking out the area until someone left? What if they followed you here? You just don't ever think how your actions could have horrible consequences on those around you, do you?" his mother quickly retorted as she sat down once again, clearly not knowing quite what to do with herself at that moment.

Her comments made me shrink in my seat. She was absolutely right...

"I wasn't about to just leave her there by herself after all of that, mom... I looked around for any suspicious vehicles and made sure that we were not followed. I am not an idiot." Namjoon said in a sure, quiet voice.

Mrs. Kim let out a frustrated grumble before getting up to leave the room, but before she left, she turned back around once more.

"I will leave her in your care for now. You two aren't going to school today until I figure all of this shit out. I have to call the office, the police... Damn, I am going to have so much paperwork to deal with..." She said before leaving the room.

In the distant echo of the house I could hear her keys jingling, the door opening and shutting behind her then locking, and her getting into her car and driving away until the sound of her vehicle faded away the further it got from the house.

I looked up a Namjoon who had now turned his head to me, and I was met with a weak smile from him. I felt absolutely horrible to get him mixed up in my crazy ass hell of a life like this.

I didn't want anything bad to happen to him because of me. I couldn't lose anyone else, but that is all I could think of as I stared into his eyes. I am dangerous. It is not safe around me. He would get hurt or worse, and it would kill me even more inside. Many thoughts bounced around my head, causing me to tear up once more.

"It's going to be alright, (Y/N). I won't let anything bad happen in your life anymore. I swear to you. I will only let you smile from now on..." Namjoon said as he rested his hand on my cheek, causing me to close my eyes.

That caused the tears that had welled in my eyes to be released in one singular streak, and I was taken aback a bit as I felt his lips meet mine for a soft and caring kiss.

I opened my eyes and looked at him, and then nodded my head in understanding. Although I could not let him know how I truly felt. That the safest place for him was as far away from me as humanly possible. That I didn't know if I had the strength to stay by his side. I am not selfish enough to blindly think that everything would be fine from now on..

"Namjoon. I am tired." I said quietly, still staring into his warm, chocolate-colored eyes.

"Okay. I will take you to my room. You can sleep there until I clean out the guest room. It's kind of filled with boxes of my mom's files right now." Namjoon said with a dimpled-smile and a small chuckle as he ran his hand through his hair.

Namjoon soon led me up the nearby staircase to his bedroom and opened the door, inviting me in. His room was racked full of shelves that held very curious looking figurines on them, and others held books of various subjects. He had a desk with some musical equipment hooked up to it and his bed was simple, yet filled with stuffed bears of a particular kind. It seemed a bit childish for a boy of his age to have so many toys, but I found it immensely cute for some reason. I walked up to the bed, picking up one of the orange, sternly eyebrow-ed bears and smiled.

"Well, this is embarrassing." Namjoon chuckled as he paced a couple times in a bit of a circle.

"No need to be embarrassed. I think it is interesting." I said quietly as I sat down on his bed and returned the bear to his place. His bed was very soft, and I bounced up and down slightly on it, causing my smile to grow.

"Ummm, well, goodnight then. If you need pajamas, there are some in my closet. Just please don't look in the boxes in there. I'm not even sure what is in some of them and I think that I am embarrassed enough for one day." Namjoon said with a slightly awkward laugh before turning to leave the room.

However, I reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Can... you please stay here with me? I don't want to be alone." I asked with pleading eyes. I do not fare well in unfamiliar environments by myself and although I had only just met him yesterday, I trusted Namjoon for some reason.

In the span of one day, I had already grown so attached to him. I believed everything he told me and would probably follow him off of a cliff if he said I could fly. I know that it is completely irrational and crazy to think this way over someone you literally just met, yet strangely I did not care. He is the first and only person to treat me like an actual human being. The first person to see me not as a freak, but to see me as an attractive girl.

As much as I wanted him to stay away for his own safety, I just wanted this for now. I wanted us, if he would want for there to be an us. I know that kissing and saying that he liked me does not automatically translate to girlfriend, and I would not pressure him to see me as such. However if he would start to see me that way on his own accord... I would not protest in the slightest.

Namjoon looked down at me and smiled, letting his dimples show in their full glory.

"I mean, my mom might kill me... but since we already almost died last night I don't think I really care." He said as he plopped down on the bed, bringing me towards him into a hug as he kindly stroked my hair.

After a bit, Namjoon got me out a pair of pajamas and a pair for himself as well before leaving to the bathroom to change while I did the same in his room. His pajamas were much to big on me, and when he came back he laughed at the size of the sleeves on them as I cutely flapped the excess fabric about like a small child.

Namjoon turned off the lights, causing the room to be dimly lit by the small amount of sunlight that struggled to pierce it's way through his black out curtains.

We settled into bed, and he held me close to him as I rested my head on his chest. I was calmed by the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and the feeling of his chest going up and down as he breathed.

His eyes were already shut, so I assumed that he fell asleep quite fast due to being overly tired from last night, but I was taken by surprise as he suddenly started speaking.

"(Y/N)... What I said earlier. You know, before all of the bad stuff happened... I really meant every word of it. I don't really know how you feel about me completely since you didn't really answer in words. Not that I am complaining, I liked that a LOT, it's just... I kind of want to hear it from you. Do you like me romantically?" He asked. I heard his voice resonate through his chest as he spoke, giving me a pleasant warm feeling mixed with butterflies in my stomach. I could not hold back my smile.

"Namjoon. I literally just met you..." I started to say. Namjoon held his breath, and I could tell he was expecting me to say something hurtful.

"But Even though I just met you, even when I first saw you in class... I could not get you out of my mind no matter how hard I tried." With those words, he began to relax again and returned to breathing almost normally.

"What do you mean exactly?" He asked in a still curious voice as he waited for me to get to my point.

I rolled over on top of him and cupped his face in my hands as I kissed him softly before looking down at him. Both of our faces were hidden in the long shroud of my hair.

"You know, you were my first kiss... I think you might have to take responsibility." I said in a teasing voice. "I would not have acted the way that I did if I did not have feelings for you. So of course I like you. A lot in fact." I said as I laid down on top of him, nuzzling myself into his neck.

Namjoon then wrapped his arms around my waist and rolled so that I was now underneath him, causing me to squeal from the sudden turn.

"So... does that mean that you are mine now?" Namjoon asked in a low sultry voice, causing me to shudder.

"Only if you are mine in return." I responded quietly as I ran my fingers through his hair.

He suddenly smiled quite big and chuckled lowly before leaning down to kiss me yet again.

"Deal."

With that, Namjoon layed down on his side and pulled me close to him. I soon fell soundly asleep in his warm, comforting embrace where I felt the safest I had in a long time. Not even the nightmares could hurt me now.

(part 7)

#BTS #bts fanfic #bts x reader #rm x reader #namjoon x reader #namjoon x y/n #namjoon x you #bts au #bts crime au #bts murder au

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wewalkadifferentpath · 6 years

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I need you here with me (read on ao3)

“Magnus, I’ve got him.” Cat’s voice was soft. Ever the proficient nurse. “I’ve got him. He will need a few hours of sleep, at least, but his injuries are mostly healed. He’ll be okay.” Magnus let out a breath. In front of him, Alec was laid out on his bed, body slack and positioned awkwardly as if he’d been knocked unconscious. He basically had been; Magnus knew from experience that Cat’s sedatives were strong. He reached forward, brushing a few stray bits of hair out of Alexander’s face. Gently, slowly, he cupped the arm that had been broken, feeling his stomach clench uncomfortably as he moved it as delicately as he could into a more comfortable position. It was fine now. Alexander was fine now. But before, when it had happened… “My dear Alexander,” he murmured, stroking Alexander’s arm lightly with the tips of his fingers. His skin was warm, probably warmer than it should have been, as if he had a fever. Cat smiled. “He’s strong. Resilient.” “He’s had to be.” Magnus knew even as he said it that it was an understatement. For all that he had done to try to protect his Shadowhunter, there was so much that Magnus hadn’t been able to do, so much that he hadn’t been able to fix.

Especially now, he reminded himself, shivering.

Now he was as good as useless.

He pressed his fingers more firmly into Alexander’s wrist, feeling for the steadiness of his pulse. The quiet, fluttery thumping was a little fast, but healthy. An anchor. Alexander was his anchor, his rock, even while asleep. The thought should scare him. But somehow he couldn’t muster the energy for it. Cat tilted her head at him knowingly. “I rigged the room,” she told him. “You’ll be able to hear Alec’s breathing and pulse from anywhere in the house.” She rose, packing away the remaining bits of her medical equipment with an air of strung out fatigue. “You don’t have to sit here and watch him.” This was punctuated with a pointed look at Magnus. “You can eat. And rest. And have some time, to yourself.” Magnus nodded. “I suppose that I should sleep.” “Can I trust you to do that?” Cat asked, and the question was only halfway a joke. Both of them knew that there had been times in Magnus’s life where he had answered that question with a negative.

He knew that if he asked her, Cat would stay. But he also knew that she was eager to get back to the child in her care. “Yes, Cat, thank you. Now please, go home to Madzie.” She sighed, reaching out with one free arm to wrap Magnus in a quick, tight hug. He accepted it, breathing her in and trying to pretend that it was comforting, instead of a reminder that he could no longer feel the buzz of her magic mingling with his, quick and smooth and frazzled as it always was. Had been. He knew that she could feel the difference too. “Take care of yourself, Magnus. Okay?” She leaned back to look him in the eye. “Call me if you need me.” “I will,” he lied. Her lip turned up wryly. “Goodnight, Magnus.” A quick peck on his cheek, and then she opened a portal in one fluid movement and stepped through. Magnus dropped his shoulders wearily. Alec’s deep and even breathing punctured the darkness in waves, sure and regular against the silence in Magnus’s mind. It was a comfort, but also a reminder. He sunk down to perch on the edge of the bed. “Alexander…” He couldn’t finish the thought. What could he say? I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you? Thank you for being okay?

My condolences, for your unfortunate luck in falling in love with a half-demon storm of man?

Instead, he settled for leaning forward to brush his lips against Alexander’s forehead.

-- -- --

“You’re here,” Magnus said. He poured himself another two fingers of his drink, taking a quick shot of it before spinning the glass idly in his hand. “I’m surprised that you came.” The living room was dark, fragmented only by the lamp beside him and the one across from him. Bathed in that orange-tinted circle of light, sitting on the couch as if he’d never left, Ragnor smiled. Magnus looked back down at his hands. “I had wondered if you might have been…” “An apparition of your magic?” Ragnor’s lip quirked up again. “No,” he said, shifting his hands one over the other, palms up, as if he himself were about to cast a spell right then. “Your magic always did protect you well, but I’m afraid that even it can’t quite get my image right.”

Magnus snorted. He took another sip, letting his gaze linger on the amber liquid as it made rocky waves in his glass. He resolutely ignored the did. “Perhaps I could cut back on the martinis.” Ragnor smiled. “My dear friend,” he said, leaning forward, even as Magnus shuffled forward to meet him in the middle; he grasped the corner of Magnus’s chin gently between his thumb and forefinger. “You always were a foolish, foolish drunk. And—“ he added, leaning back again with a near audible stretch, “we both know that that abomination of a drink is not even close to a martini.” Magnus nodded absently, but couldn’t muster a retort. Instead he reached again for the silence, feeling needy for its reprieve. Unexpectedly, and rather uncomfortably, he was met with the jumbled noise of the cars going by on the road outside his window. He had put up wards to seal the sound out of his loft-- hadn’t he? He must have removed them. After all, time hadn’t been moving in the most linear fashion, recently. Just one more unfortunate consequence of war. “When you met me.” Magnus inhaled raggedly and let it go in a rush. “I was…” “A tremendously traumatized young man.” Ragnor’s voice was gentle. Magnus spun a ring around his finger. “Yes.” The light from the jewelry cast out around him in little spirals and dots of gold, reflecting off the window behind Ragnor’s image. “Nevertheless, I was… I was Asmodeus’s son. I am Asmodeus’s son.” Ragnor nodded, raising a pointed eyebrow. In the back room, Alec snorted and shuffled, blankets rustling and breathe speeding up before settling. “I fought so hard,” Magnus whispered, mostly to himself. “I tried so hard to be better than him.” I tried to be good, he almost added. I tried not to be destruction, but still I named myself in its honour and I walked in its wake. Ragnor’s eyes glinted. “You have always been a better man than him, Magnus.” What Ragnor meant was, you didn’t need to try. What Ragnor meant was, you’ve always been good. They’d played this game, had this back and forth, hundreds of times in hundreds of different ways over the course of Magnus’s long life. In speeches, in looks, in cups of tea, in drunken monologues and in moments that Magnus would never have let anyone else see. They didn’t need words anymore. Ragnor, who had found his own name in the concept of endings, had always looked at Magnus’s destruction and seen hope. “What would I do without you?” Magnus asked. It was automatic, a question that he had asked aloud to his friend many times before. This time, the implications hit him with a suddenness that left him winded. He choked on the urge to try to snatch the words back, take them deep into his chest where the coldness of the night around them couldn’t bear witness to them. Ragnor seemed to sense the delicacy of Magnus’s sudden anxiety, and left a soft pause before speaking. “You would be even more of a miserable wretch than you are now.” That startled a laugh from him. It bubbled out of Magnus from somewhere desperate and a little animalistic, a hysterical noise that he was glad that no one was around to hear. In the back, Alec’s heart rate was steady, though he mumbled something in his sleep. “What will I do without my magic?” Magnus asked, once he’d composed himself again. It came out like a plea. “I have nothing left, Ragnor.” Please, my oldest friend, tell me that I’m wrong again. Ragnor shook his head, some of his hair falling slightly forward to lay against his left horn. “You know that that’s not true.” Magnus twisted his ring again, watching the light spin over and over. A never ending, never breaking series of colour. “I’m going to die.” This time Ragnor rolled his eyes. “You were always going to die, my incorrigible friend. If you’re forgetting that, then perhaps I should take the whisky away from you.” Tears sprung, unbidden, to prick at Magnus’s eyes. Spitefully, he let them. Screw composure. Not now, not after this. His father had already taken his dignity.

Ragnor shuffled forward, leaning to pick up Magnus’s hand where he’d been reaching again for his glass. Ragnor caught it and held it firmly between both of his own, familiar warmth somehow seeping through to Magnus’s skin in a way that he didn’t want to understand. He didn’t care anymore how he could be with his friend, only that he could. Still, he stiffened. The last time his hand had been held was when he’d clung onto Alexander’s earlier that day; when his lovely, direly injured soldier had been lying there, on the concrete, gasping for air and looking like- “You will not die alone.” Magnus swallowed as the tears finally sprung forward, clouding his vision and choking up his throat. He raised his unclaimed hand and grabbed at his collar, feeling the need to claw the fabric off of himself. “I know.” His voice was hoarse, but steady. He thought of Catarina, with her freely given warmth and infinite understanding. And Raphael, troubled though the boy may be; though the thought that he was no longer able to support his son only caused him to dig his nails deeper into his collar. And Alexander… He glanced up at Ragnor, finally, who looked at him fondly and squeezed his hand. “No, you don’t,” Ragnor corrected gently. “But you will, my friend.” Ragnor’s gaze was intent, and Magnus found himself unable to dissolve the intensity in his words. His friend had always had him pinned like that. He supposed it was his weakness. “There will come a time when you will truly understand the magnitude of love that you have been able to build around you, Magnus. And then you will never feel alone again,” Ragnor smiled, revealing a rare flash of his teeth, “With or without me around to bang it into your stubborn head. That I can promise you, if nothing else.” Magnus smiled wetly, tasting salt on the edge of his tongue. He’d missed Ragnor, more than he had ever let himself think possible. “Your promises do have a pretty good track record,” Magnus conceded. Ragnor winked, and then paused, shifting his chin up to look behind Magnus’s head. His expression softened. “Here comes one promise right now.” Alexander. Magnus turned, to see that Ragnor was right-- Alexander stood in the doorway of his bedroom. The bed-rumpled Shadowhunter was half-slumped against the door frame and rubbing at his arm, watching Magnus with a curious expression. “Magnus.” His tilted head filled in the inflection, the question clear in his eyes. Magnus smiled. “I’m coming to bed, Alexander,” he assured, nodding at him. His heart constricted heavily. “Just give me one moment to finish up here, hmm?” Alexander nodded, dazed and tired. But he paused, for one electrified second, to hold eye contact with Magnus; then turned, as if he hadn’t just split Magnus’s heart open for that one infinite moment, to head back to bed. Leaving Magnus once again alone in the darkness. “My apologies for the interruption,” Magnus said to the emptiness, once he knew for certain that Alexander was out of earshot. He turned back to the couch where Ragnor had been sitting, knowing already in his heart that it would be empty. He had known as soon as the warmth had left his hand. “You’re right, though,” Magnus whispered anyway. “Like I said, my dear cabbage, you always give the best advice.”

After an unsurprising beat of silence, Magnus rose wearily, joints crackling in protest. He shuffled himself quietly into the bedroom, shedding his clothes as went until he was wearing nothing but his shirt and briefs. Lifting the blanket, he snuggled in gently next to Alexander, near enough to feel his warmth but careful to keep a safe distance from his injuries. “I miss you,” he told the ceiling. Inexplicably, foolishly unable to let go of his end of the conversation. He rubbed at an eye childishly, angry with his tears. “I wish you were still here with me for this.”

But if there was anything that Magnus had learned in his long life, it was that wishes weren’t worth much.

In his sleep, Alec grabbed for him, tugging Magnus gently toward his chest. Magnus smiled cautiously. Perhaps, he thought, he could allow the heat and closeness to make him feel safe. Just for one night.

Pressing another fleeting kiss to Alec’s forehead, Magnus also let himself imagine that he could see the glinting flash of a horn from behind his door frame- and perhaps the briefest glimpse of an approving smile. Then he closed his eyes, and let himself fall into sleep.

#I am so sorry lol #Magnus gets a visit from Ragnor #this has Malec but it's not malec-centric really #post 3x10 #sh spoilers #shadowhunters #shadowhunters fics #magnus bane #ragnor fell #catarina loss #alec lightwood #malec #Magnus x Ragnor #I already feel like I need to update my ao3 tags bc reading this over it's angstier than anticipated I feel #oh well #this is poorly edited please don't eat me #my writing

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winterironbang · 6 years

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ART CLAIMS Winteriron RBB

Below you will find the names and descriptions of the entered pieces of art, please take care to read through them and be aware of any warnings when thinking about which piece it is you wish to claim. Make sure to have two in mind when choosing as your first choice may already be taken.

To claim a piece of art, send an email to [email protected] with the titles of your top two favourites. There may be a second round of claims if there are more authors who wish to participate, but this second round will not start until all pieces have been claimed in the first round.

I’ve just had a few people tell me they sent in asks trying to claim work but I have no record of them, from now on please claim via email only. If you have sent in an ask and not had an email with one of the drafts you claimed, please email me. I have sent out the drafts to everyone that I have seen a claim from so far, if you havent got a draft in you inbox your claim may not have come through, please consider claiming one of the works still available.

I’m so sorry about this, I’m not sure why I haven’t been recieving those asks and I do apologise to everyone it has effected.

Title: By my side Description/Prompt: Tony and Bucky have been in a secret relationship for a while. After Civil War events, they talked things out and after some time everything turned right for them. They can't see each other so easily because of the Sokovia Accords, so they take advantage of every second they spend together. It has been four months since last time they saw each other, Tony noticed he has been followed lately and had to stop their meetings. Tony, despites everything, have been working on a way to change some things on the accords to also protect heroes, he wants to help Bucky and the others so they can stop being fugitives, wanting a normal life with the one he loves and wanting the world to be a better place with heroes protecting it. He planned a meeting in Wakanda to discuss the issue with T'Challa and also using that as an excuse to see Bucky again. Bucky thinks it's time to tell everyone about their relationship, but Tony is still reluctant about it, he wants everything to be solved first. Warnings: Explicit Limitations: I don't want: unhappy ending, cheating, death of Bucky or Tony, bashing any character. A/N: It's based on MCU~ Love the idea of them having this kind of pure love inside some sort of forbidden relationship. Not only for what had happened between them, also because of the accords. The art is a moment they share together after the meeting in Wakanda. Hope you like it~

Title: Exposure Description/Prompt: Set of 2 drawings. Setting: sci-fi/android AU? 1. A digital drawing/painting of a Winter Soldier-esque Bucky, wearing a lower face mask, carrying a wounded Tony in his arms. It's darkly lit, and he's standing knee deep in reflective water. Tony's chest cavity is exposed, showing metal and wiring. There's a faint glow of the arc reactor. 2. A digital drawing/painting of a shirtless Tony about to kiss Bucky over his face mask. There's smoke venting out of Bucky's face mask. Warnings: N/A Limitations: Would prefer if there wasn't solely pre-slash, or include major character death, infidelity, dub/non con, or unhappy ending. A/N: Drafts are not finalized so looking forward to working with the author to fill in details!

Title: Post-apocalyptic Description/Prompt: Post-apocalyptic AU! Scrappy mechanic Tony meets badass loner and fighter Bucky (with a clunky metal arm)? Maybe some getting to know (and later: trust) each other and surviving (together?) in a hostile world? Trying to make a living? Warnings: - Limitations: Bucky and Tony should survive. No sad ending. A/N: The art is a design for Bucky. Optional art: Bucky watching over a sleeping Tony. Let’s brainstorm together.

Title: A Quiet Evening in Description/Prompt: It's hard to braid your hair one handed. Thankfully Tony doesn't mind lending his hands and his cats, Dum-E, U, and Butterfingers don't mind having someone extra around the apartment to spoil them. Warnings: None Limitations: Would prefer no pwp

Title: Snow White/ Fantasy AU Description/Prompt: Huntsman Bucky is sent out to assassinate Prince Tony in the woods and bring his heart to King Obie. The problem? Prince Tony turns out pretty hard to kill, and his heart is a price worth way way more than Bucky could have imagined. Not to mention the hunter is haunted by his own demons... One drawing is of the two fighting in the woods, the other of Huntsman Bucky crouching, (his dragon arm showing), and having a L'Oreal hair moment. Warnings: violence (semi-graphic? they are fighting - there's no blood, but non-sexy choking) Limitations: please no damsel-in-distress Tony, character bashing, and dub/non-con A/N: You can take the prompt or leave it, (although I'd love some huntsman Bucky and maybe technomancer Tony) and I would love to help you brainstorm and cheer you on. I generally like traumatized Bucky more than pre-war Bucky but I'm open for everything. :)

Title: Noir Description/Prompt: Iron Man Noir AU with Tony and Bucky standing arm in arm on Tony’s airship, looking down at the clouds. They lean into each other. Warnings: none Limitations: MCD, darkfic, A/N: I would love to talk about it all.

Title: Not really a villain Description/Prompt: Tony knows about the Winter Soldier: He's an assassin, often working for Hydra. He has killed or maimed politicians and secret agents alike, most recently he'd been after Alexander Pierce. Everyone knows about Iron Man: He's a villain, although some people want to call him vigilante. He blows up Stark Industries' facilities and takes apart crime syndicates. When they meet, it seems unlikely that their goals align, but they might have more in common than they know. But, you can't just trust a villain, can you? Picture: In a dark room, Iron Man is aiming a repulsor at the Winter Soldier. The soldier is almost hidden in the darkness of the room, looking serious, and armed with knife and gun. Warnings: Limitations: Please let it end somewhat happy. Please no MCD, or actually evil Tony and Bucky. A/N: brainstorming together is one of my favourite things.

Title: Concubine AU Description/Prompt: When Bucky gets sold as a concubine, he already knows how this works: keep your head down and hope his new master doesn't notice him too much. Getting noticed either brings pain, or pain and… other attention. Slowly, he notices that King Stark is not at all like the rumors suggested… The art is Bucky, posing with some jewellery and revealing clothes. Warnings: partial nudity? Limitations: No dubcon or noncon between Bucky and Tony, dark Tony, major character death, or too much gore. A/N: Dark themes are fine though. Maybe some pain, some recovery? I usually like stories where they grow to love each other before they end up having sex. Stuckony is also an option. I’d love to talk about ideas and plot!

Title : Fateful Encounters Description/Prompt : Iron Man AU Tony and Bucky meet at the gala. Bucky is a businessman like Tony. They end up liking each other a lot. Everyone is human. Bucky likes riding bikes just like Tony loves cars. Tony becomes iron man but he himself destroys the suit after Stane is dead. He doesn’t believe the world needs that kind of technology. Stark industries also goes into making better medical equipment’s. So, the only ones who know about him being iron man are Rhodey, Pepper and later Bucky. Iron man becomes an urban legend of sorts. They date for a while and when they decide to move things further it’s very special for both of them. Bucky is extremely proud to learn that his boyfriend had been iron man. He realizes that himself as he spends time with Tony. A year or two later Tony develops MCU stabilized extremis and gets rid of the arc reactor. This knowledge he does share with the medical community. Warnings : No Warnings Limitations : I don't want these two pairings in the story in any way or form. Not even a slight mention. Not even as a joke or an offhand comment. Nothing. Bucky Barnes and Natasha Romanoff Tony Stark and Sunset Bain No Steve and Loki bashing. If the latter isn't even in the story, that's fine. No cheating, non-con, child abuse and alcohol abuse. A/N : Happy ending for the story. And there are two more pieces of art.

Title: Long Distance Disaster [working title] Description/Prompt: Still struggling with guilt and/or due to pressure from the government, Bucky agrees to go on a long term mission to space. Tony is very unhappy to be left alone. Long distance relationships are tough; even more so when Bucky’s mission ends in a fiery crash leaving Bucky seriously injured and Tony afraid that he’s about to lose the love of his life. Format: Video, expected final length roughly 4:30 minutes. Clips primarily drawn from Iron Man (1, 2, and 3), The Soloist, Political Animals, The Martian, and Gossip Girl. Audio drawn from the same sources as the clips, as well as Ally McBeal, and the song “If There’s A Rocket Tie Me To It” by Snow Patrol. Warnings: Established relationship, guilt, near-death-experience/serious injury, relationship drama, hospitals, angst. Limitations: Happy endings only. I’d strongly prefer that either Civil War never happened, or the fic is set far enough past it that it doesn’t come up at all. No bashing of other characters/ships, especially Pepper and Tony should be on good/friendly terms if she’s around in the fic. A/N: I’d love to brainstorm/discuss the fic. I tried to leave it as flexible and open as possible and I don’t expect the fic to necessarily follow the video exactly.

Title : Fools in love Description/Prompt : Bucky and Tony have a friends with benefits kind of relationship. Bucky went through a very bad break up with his boyfriend and it hurts Tony to see him like that. He’d liked him for a while. They end up sleeping together and come to an arrangement of sorts. Tony is literally like : I’ll take what I can get. He is not going to burden Bucky with his feelings when he is going through such a hard time. Tony is usually sad and he’s virgin too. One day it gets too much and Bucky sort of shouts at Tony. Tony starts crying. Bucky realizes he loves Tony and berates himself for not realizing Tony had always loved him. They are both engineers and enjoy reading a lot. They are in their twenties. Warnings : No Warnings Limitations : I don't want these two pairings in the story in any way or form. Not even a slight mention. Not even as a joke or an offhand comment. Nothing. Bucky Barnes and Natasha Romanoff Tony Stark and Sunset Bain No Steve and Loki bashing. If the latter isn't even in the story, that's fine. No cheating, non-con, child abuse and alcohol abuse. A/N : Happy ending for the story. And there are two more pieces of art.

Title: Winter Piano Teacher [working title] Description/Prompt: Concerned for her son, Maria Stark decides that Tony needs more in his life than computers and robots. Little does she know that HYDRA has taken the opportunity to install a sleeper agent in the Stark household. Tony certainly didn’t expect to fall in love with his enigmatic, volatile piano tutor. Format: Video, expected final length roughly 2 minutes. Clips and audio primarily drawn from Political Animals, Ally McBeal, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, piano instrumental music, and “The Winter Soldier” theme. Warnings: brainwashing, deception, implied abuse, typical winter soldier stuff Limitations: In this AU I do not want Bucky to be responsible for the Stark parents’ death. Happy endings only. Tony cannot be younger than 17; I would prefer he be 21. A/N: I would love to brainstorm/talk over the fic together. I have 2-3 of “fixed points” of the plot that are important to me but I tried to leave as much of it open to the author’s discretion as possible. You don’t have to follow everything shown in the video exactly.

Title: Mob Mentality Description/prompt: Comic panel style. First panel sees Steve, Bucky, and Natasha entering. All look angry. There is evidence of blood on them. Second panel shows bound hands, obviously injured and bleeding from the ropes that tie them. Third panel has a furious Bucky screaming ,”Where is he?!” Fourth shows Tony looking down, distraught, but he raises his head at something, saying “Bucky?” Last panel isn't sketched out quite yet, but I plan to have them embracing. Warnings: Blood, though not gallons of it or anything. Implied violence that is off panel. Limitations: Happy ending. No infidelity. No graphic or gratuitous torture. No death of main characters. A/N: I personally headcanon this as a Mob AU (as evidenced by the name) but I would be happy with any story the art inspires! Art

Title: Rocket Science Description/Prompt: Tony's at MIT, sleep deprived on the first day of classes, and ends up walking into an intro to physics course and taking a seat next to freshman Bucky. Tony becomes aware of things half-way through class, realizes he's in the wrong place (he doesn't even *have* class at this time!), and has a moment of panic/annoyance. Bucky thinks Tony's having trouble following the lecture, and offers to study with him. Tony almost blows him off but "oh no he's cute." Cue Tony having to attend a class he doesn't take and play dumb through tutoring/study sessions he doesn't need in order to have an excuse to hang out with Bucky (but he's SO BORED and itching to show Bucky some good shortcuts and correct his math). (Art description: Tony and Bucky are seated at a library table, disposable coffee cups, books, and notes strewn across it. Bucky is pointing something out to Tony in a textbook, while Tony looks on attentively. Both are college age. Bucky's left sleeve is pinned up; he's an amputee.) Warnings: none Limitations: no big age gap, no ABO 'verse, no unhappy endings A/N: Any additions of identity porn (i.e. Bucky doesn't realize he's been tutoring the famous genius heir to the Stark empire) would be welcome; the prompt is open to discussion (nothing's set in stone). I'd love to be included in the brainstorming if possible. :D

Title: Mafia!au Description/Prompt: Tony is seated in a chair with a gun in one hand pointing towards viewer, while Bucky is in a suit standing to behind his left shoulder. I was thinking Mob Boss!Tony with Bucky as enforcer/bodyguard/something like that. Warnings: I don’t think any, but there is a gun being pointed at someone off-screen Limitations: No MCD please, I am fine with smut as long as there is no bottom!tony, other than that can’t think of anything right now- I am pretty open A/N: Look forward to working with you!

Title: No title yet

Description/Prompt: Tony learns about his parents’ murder and, against Natasha’s warnings, decides to go looking for the Winter Soldier. When he finds him in cryosleep in the hidden depths of a Hydra base, he rashly decides to wake him up…

Submission is a fanvid, so warning to the author that there’s only so much flexibility with the plot because of needing to stay close to the source material, but I’m excited to work with them to figure out how the fanvid will go :)

Warnings: None

Limitations: No Mpreg

Title: Escape from the Murderbots (working title) Description/Prompt: Tony and Bucky stand together, Tony is slightly in front, holding a strange piece of tech in his right hand, there is bandage around his left bicep, and the arc reactor is visible through his tank top. Bucky stands on his left, touching Tony's shoulder. Buck is only wearing a pair of drawstring sweatpants; he is pointing to the left, out of frame, with his metal hand, there is a cuff of some sort on his metal wrist. In front of them and behind them are hovering drones, pointing guns at them. The background is a dark, futuristic cityscape with lit up signs advertising 'Viastone - Bring Your Dreams to Life', and other slogans. Warnings: None that I'm aware of. Canon typical peril? Limitations: No major character death. No non-con between Tony and Bucky. No dark!Tony or dark!Bucky. Also, no character bashing, please. Definitely would like a happy ending. A/N: The Viastone signs haven't been worked in yet, and can be changed to a different company, or Hydra, or something completely different, if that fits better with your plot or ideas, I just kind of liked the potential creepiness of Dream vision, also Ty as Tony's creepy ex could be interesting. I don't really have an idea of a plot, just the concept of a vaguely cyberpunk scene in which Tony and Bucky are being pursued by flying drones that want to shoot them, so feel free to go wherever that takes you. I'd love to hear what ideas you have.

Title: Dr Dolittle AU

Description/Prompt:

Fluff/ crack

If powered AU i.e. Avengers-compliant AU(sans TS as Iron Man)- On the day before the fateful night that Howard and Maria would have died, Tony dropped the bombshell that he was going to become a vet instead? Howard was too busy calling up lawyers and ranting at the sky about disowning Tony to drive them to their deaths. WS waits by the road until he gets bored, murders his handlers and runs away? Else post CA-WS?

WS!BB has been in hiding at a special needs animal sanctuary (for lots of pics - goats of anarchy, edgar’s mission) that TS volunteers at, doing check ups and fitting prosthetics.

Does WS!BB approach the vet about a new arm? Does WS ever get the goats to stop eating his sleeves off? Will they ever get the animals to stop tripping them up and falling into compromising positions atop each other?

Hilarity ensues. Also probable pining, bored match-making goats who are fed up of their caretakers.

(Besides designing prosthetics for animals, Tony also makes collars for animals that translate thoughts into speech, like Dug in Up or soft-cyber implants from Rats,Bats & Vats, gaining him the nickname Dr Dolittle? Animals love him regardless, like he’s a Disney Princess) Healthcare for animals is incredibly technologically advanced and has to be reverse engineered for human usage lol? If non-powered au, anything you like! just crack/ fluff about mutual pining between volunteers at special needs animal shelter? It’s like a coffee shop- meet cute AU but with additional baby goats playing the floor is lava.

Warnings: -

Limitations: Stark seniors not murdered by Winter Soldier. No bad endings, dub-con/non-con, a/b/o

A/N: Super secret super-soldier serum picked up by SHIELDRA since Howard was too busy rage screaming. Results in more Shieldra supersoldiers in Avengers Initiative? Howard designs Ironmonger? Chitauri Battle of NY, no nukes? Alternatively Hulk or heroic Vanko in Iron Man suit launches the nuke through the portal? Jarvis the alpaca- Just A Really Very Intelligent South-american-camelid? You is an ewe? DumE, a very recalcitrant llama wielding a mean wrench? Butterfingers? The universe is saved from Thanos by an enraged herd of enhanced llamas? https://i.redd.it/8vncab0cz3jz.jpg

Sorry, it’s all crack, feel free to yell at me if it decides to consume your brain

Title: Fantasy - Dragonrealm/ Forgotten Realms??? inspired AU Description/Prompt: Undead dragon/ dracolich, the Red Skull, captures other dragons and restores his rotting body with parts carved from his prisoners. Mage-knight/Artificer (Tony) rescues an imprisoned dragon(Bucky) from the clutches of the Red Skull and his cult(Hydra). image desc - A dracolich confronting two men(backs facing viewer). One is injured and leaning on the other who has his hand raised with a spell. Warnings: not in image, but for story - likely to have mentions of torture and non-consensual body modification Limitations: no dub-con, non-con, vore, a/b/o, protagonist death A/N: In the Dragonrealm series, drakes can take the alternate form of a fully armoured knight. In Forgotten Realms, dracoliches are usually surrounded by a cult that worships them (and performs the phylactery transfer process) http://forgottenrealms.wikia.com/wiki/Dracolich Prompt completely open for discussion/reworking, words hard, please message

Title: Loving a Vampire Description/Prompt: Bucky is a vampire, Tony is a human. They meet, eventually fall in love, wear 'wedding bands' on chains around their necks. Warnings: N/A Limitations: N/A A/N: Would like more angst and drama than fluff, preferred rating for fic would be M or higher.

Title: And From The Dark Description/prompt: The prompt that inspired me was actually a writing one that went along the lines of: “do you want to die?” “that's a loaded question, if I say no that means I want to be immortal. If I say yes that means I'm suicidal.” I'm imagining a demon/fantasy Au(However I am open to Tony messing around with things he shouldn't and being transported to this place via science/magic) and the image itself is of Tony and Demon!Bucky on a balcony in a cavern, with Bucky leaning over Tony holding his chin. Maybe Tony has entered their domain for some reason? Or is trying get out to surface? And encounters Bucky. Warnings: little bit of blood. (Not much tho, a couple small injuries) Limitations: none that I can think of. A/N: I am a big fan of darker works and would love to see where this could go. I'm more than willing to help brainstorm if the author is open to that. And beta if needed.

Title: Found in an Alley Description/Prompt: Bucky is broke and wandering around the alleys when he finds android Anthony. Warnings: Nudity (not explicit) Limitations: N/A A/N: Author will pretty much have free reign on what they want to write, prefer that the fic itself be rated Teen or higher

Title: Mission in space Description and/or prompt: Bucky and Tony are on another planet, wearing spacesuits. They are looking at a strange flower. There are mountains and a starry sky with two moons in the background. What are they doing there and what is the plant? Warnings: - Limits: No major character death or super dark fic or unhappy ending please! A/N: I'm open to most everything! Things I like but don't need to be included are plotty fic, humor, fluff and pining :D

Title: Reactive Art descriptions: Bucky, holding the arc-reactor in his hands, flames on one side, smoke on the other./ Bucky crying, the black mask still covering his face. Art prompt: Partially Infinity-War compliant (except for the ending). After the initial battle, the team regroups and discovers that Tony is still missing. Bucky embraces his old identity as the Winter Soldier to track Tony down. It's the only way he can set his morals aside and do what he has to do to bring Tony back. (I am open to other prompts based on the art description - happy to work with the author to come up with something different!) Warnings: n/a Limits: None. All Author's choice. A/N: Would love for this to be a dark fic, possibly with major injury and/or a death scare. Angst and hurt/comfort preferable. Happy ending or not, author's choice. Art is about 90% complete, although I may want to create more pieces depending on where the author goes with the story.

Title: By the Glittering Sea Description: Bucky is a newly hired employee of an aquarium, and he quickly realizes that they have some interesting exhibits. Mainly the one with a large tank in the middle of the entrance floor, showcasing a merman, who looks very unhappy to be there. He then realizes that he needs to get him out, with the help of his friends, of course. Warnings: None that apply so far Limitations: No rape/ non-con, or major character death. A/N: Tony is obviously the merman in the situation, but whoever writes the story can figure out how they get him out and what will happen if they do.

Title: Ill met by Moonlight Description: Tony finds a transformed Bucky in a cage at an 'abandoned' hydra base, who is stuck behind a huge bulletproof glass coating. In any way the author wants it, they escape and the rest of the story will be about Tony and Bucky learning to heal together. Warnings: There will be violence, nothing out of the ordinary for the Marvel universe. Limitations: No rape/non-con, or major character death. A/N: I based Bucky's werewolf form loosely off of the Skyrim werewolves.

Title: Those Soft Petals Description: Tony slowly realizes, to his horror, that he's fallen for James "Bucky" Barnes. The only problem with that is =, Bucky seems to despise him. He doesn't like him because of what he did to Steve and Bucky that fateful night in the abandoned Hydra bunker. Of course, Tony still has nightmares from that night, of the blood, filling his lungs as he truly believed he was going to die, but now isn't the time for that. RIght now he needs to figure out why he's coughing up these damn flowers. Warnings: Tony does what severe PTSD from that night, piled on top of the Afghanistan hostage situation from years ago. Limitations: No rape/non-con, or major character death. A/N: You can choose a different flower if you'd like, but I think the peony would be good, considering it's the state flower of Indiana.

#claims #winteriron #winteriron bang

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