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#thank u youtube for the new 'handle' feature
raychromatic · 2 years
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stream VOD channel update: u can get to it via this nice easy url now ➡ youtube.com/@raychromatic :)
(u can also still use the old url with its lovely jumble of letters and numbers: youtube.com/channel/UCVAb6xKJUc41GUrH_O7DOkA yeah the new one is definitely an upgrade lol)
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unseisokel · 1 year
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Beginners Guide to Unnämed AKA U-san
Plus a little history on how they are friends with Shoto
Writing this incase any new Guildies come across my fics or fanart without Knowing.
I'll try to source things when possible, but some things are just left to quotes and summaries from U-san's twitter spaces other people made because they themselves don't keep the space up after each one ends.
Some Basic Background Information:
Unnämed, or more commonly called U-san, is a independent, nonbinary Japanese musician and vocalist, you can find their Twitter here
At the time of writing they have released one original song and 3 covers, find them on whatever music service you use through their Tunecore
They hold YouTube streams after the release of every song, typically giving life updates, singing karaoke, and thanking people who support them through super chats or streamlab donations
They sporadically hold random twitter spaces for shorter life updates or just to rant about something, as of writing they never once keep the recordings for these spaces
They had their first stream on December 17, 2022. It was an unarchived acoustic karaoke stream, roughly an hour long, mostly One OK Rock songs, their favorite band.
A Little History:
They would host several twitter spaces in the time leading up their full "return." Artist @/ooukination on twitter has a neat little comic summarizing that time period.
February 5th 2023, they drop their first original song, simply named Summer Song, marking an end to their elusive and silent era, now being more active on Twitter, and not deleting tweets a few minutes after making them.
The Fans and the Fan Culture
We used the nickname U-san to refer to them in the time before they acknowledged it, because they still hadn't decided on a name for themselves, only having "unnamednow" as a twitter handle, so it was a bit of a place holder, but on a twitter space U-san expressed that they found the name cute, and so U-san has endured.
In absence of any word of a return or any real way to reach them, the #dear_u_san was created by fans on twitter wanting to send their words of encouragement and fanart.
Pre-Summer Song depictions of U-san only had their YouTube and Twitter icon to go off of, they overlapped to give us this:
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Half of a face and a hand reaching hold out a blue flame. Fanartists of the time would either obscure their top half their face with long bangs, exaggerated shadows covering their eyes, or a cloth/paper over the face (to symbolize their "death" as it were)
U-san has two main variations of how they depict themselves in their MV's, a blue eyed, black haired individual we see in Summer song, and a version with white hair with yellow eyes featured in Shinunoga E-wa, later taking up the entirety of the Tot Musica screentime, and now both of them sharing the spotlight in the most recent release, Kickback.
Before the release of Summer song all we had was U-sans twitter icon which started off with no color but was updated to include some colors, their hair staying white.
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The pre Summer Song fanart had almost always had white hair as a result.
But afterwards when we got the "true" U-san appearance with Summer Song, fans were left questioning the significance of this white haired icon that U-san notably kept even when they updated their twitter header to the new Kanishiima illustration. It wouldn't be until Shinunoga E-wa that they changed their icon- using the one shot out of four with their white hair. This pattern of having a white haired icon and the black haired banner keeping true even now.
To draw a distinction between the two, Ooukie proposed the nicknames U-Shiro and U-Kuro, sometimes shortened to just Shiro and Kuro by other u-rei's.
The blue flame was on their original icon(s) was adopted by fans as a sort of mascot, Ooukie to my knowledge being the first to do so here
With nothing but an empty space and a crumb of a self portrait, U-reis started brainstorming (more like trying to make a universe to subsequently justify in universe) why they were absent and illusive, ex. Here, again from Oouki
We kind of didn't have any kind of consensus on a fan name until Ooukie again, supplied us with U-rei, which quickly spread, eventually making its way to U-san acknowledging it on stream, giving their approval on stream
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Outside of the usual U-rei depiction of a small blue flame guy, others began to make 'sonas/ oc's to play around with the loose idea of U-san as a character and a type of world they would reside in, which lead to the twitter hashtag #u_rei_sona
U-rei-sona's typically are spirits, mythical beings, ghosts, and any manner of being that can be connected to the idea of death and rebirth, which is what U-san went through sort of in a meta narrative kind of way
He was among the many viewers of U-sans first livestream, the unarchieved karaoke, vague tweeting his thoughts on his main and alt accounts
Shoto and U-san's History
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Later during his subathon happening a few days after U-san's stream, he dedicated a song a friend he didn't explicitly name but was certainly alluding to U-san by the way he described this friend and how this song and band was one of their favorites. See full clip here
That was it for a while until Summer Song released, and we (the public) saw them both interacting, sharing their similar struggles with broken eye glasses, their choice in earrings and plenty of private interactions I'm sure, that we aren't privy to
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Shoto would invite U-san to accompany him on his Dead Space Remake streams which as of writing of this post, there are two that U-san features in (here and here)
During a bathroom break on the first stream, U-san tells us that he's thankful for Shoto, because they didn't have a lot of people to interact with, watch the full clip
Then finally, recently they met irl during Shoto's vacation to Japan, where they lost an hour of their time to Tokyo station confusion, U-san talks about the experience in their KickBack after party stream and I'm sure Shoto will tell his half of the story when he goes to stream to talk about his vacation
We knew they had met before U-san told the tale on stream because both made voice tweets only a few hours before U-san's Kickback cover was due to release.
.....and that's about it yeah! This is just a starter guide, I didn't even get into the theories surrounding U-san's music vids the possible lore implications if they're all connected, how U-san dodges questions about their hair color changing and the imagery of drowning they used-
There's a lot to be had here, and U-san's career is just getting started! They have told us time and time again that our donations and support are going directly to fund future projects, so there are surely more great things in store for us.
If you have read this far uhhh thank you? If you found this helpful be sure to share it to spread the U-san agenda.
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Texted Love
Henry Cavill x Fem! Reader
Part 6
Central Masterlist | Texted Love
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You wanted to say you were used to the flashing lights but in truth, you definitely weren't. Each burst of white blinding your gaze. Your eyes ached tremedously as they strained to continue looking forward, you could feel a massive headache coming in. You really wanted to get out of there as fast as your heels could take you.
Although you had to admit, the attention was divine and intoxicating.
Walking up to red carpeted steps with the help of your dear assistant, who by the way looked absolutely ravishing in his velvet purple suit, you swiftly made your way to the top. Overjoyed at the fat that you had not experience the traumatizing affair that was tripping on the carpet in front of thousands of international cameras. Ugh, the memes they would make.
Just as you were about to head through the main entrance, a familiar voice reached your jeweled ears. Glancing to your right, the faint squeals of Liza Koshy brought a smile to your face as she spoke into her microphone, " Holy cow, it's (Y/n) (L/n)! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Damn look at her dress! Yes queen!" Giggling at her fangirling, you sauntered over to her. Enjoying the glimmers of joy in the young woman's eyes.
"Hello Liza." Your voice smooth like honey.
"Oh my- Hi (Y/n)! How we feeling today?" Her smile was contagious. You shook your head, a tired look on your face.
"Lights are making me dizzy and I'm tired and hungry. What about you my darling dove?" Both her and the cameraman laughed at your honesty.
"I'm doing great thank you for asking. I gotta ask, who are you wearing cause this dress is outta this world." Leaning into her, you were mindful of not "eating the microphone".
"I'm wearing Versace. But not only was the dress designed by them but, of course, the jewelry and purse." You showed her your bracelet, the white diamonds matching the pearliness of your teeth.
"Say (Y/n), I've heard a few things about a certain someone~ Wink wink." You giggled. For some reason, anytime you spoke about him, you seemed to have more energy than ever.
"You mean babyboy Henry?" Liza made a face as she let out a loud 'Ooo'.
"Have ya'll been talking?" Her voice was filled with excitement. You nodded causing the girl to squeal in delight at getting some tea.
"You heard it here folks! The ship has sailed!" You laughed, holding onto your abdomen as your whole body shook with each laugh.
"I wouldn't say its sailed yet. We're just talking. Hell, we haven't even met yet." She made a 'I-don't-believe-you' face, sassily placing her hand on your hip as she put all her body weight to one foot. You chuckled.
"Still, there's already a fandom." Your eyes widened in both horror and pure happiness.
"You jest!" She shook her head, her black locks moving back and forth like silk in the wind.
"I do not jest m'lady."
"Oh god. I don't know whether to be horrified or not...well...hmmm... As long as fanart has yet to exist I guess we're good." The reporter made a face to which made you have a moment of lapsed judgement.
"Bitch what the fuck ya'll work fast." Upon realizing your mistake you gave her a sheepish smile, apologizing for your sailor's mouth. Hopefully they bleeped that out.
The two of you spoke some more despite many interruptions made by your assistant. You genuinely enjoyed the young youtuber's presence, it was warm and bubbly just like her. Unfortunately, all things must come to an end. It was just as you were about to walk away when the she asked," Is there anything you'd like to tell Mr. Cavill at this moment?"
Acquiring a new sense of boldness, you nodded. A wicked smirk coming to sit upon your painted lips.
"Henry I don't even know why you bother, you can't handle this." You teased as you ran your hands down the curves of your body with a lopsided grin. Giving a kiss goodbye to your newfound friend, you walked away from the camera. Finally entering the main building, you were sat down near the stage, beside some other actors you had yet to see on the big screens. Or most likely, they were already on the big screen but you just didn't know considering that you don't really watch TV or movies as much as the regular person.
Opening your bag, you pulled out your phone, pushing back the many Wendy's receipts that were already lazily stuffed in there as an effort to have an alibi in the unlikely case that you get caught committing a crime.
Unlocking the device, a lopsided grin overtook your features the moment you gazed into your notifications bar. An oh so familiar username lighting up through the pixels.
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...
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Instagram 7:50pm
(henrycavill): (u/n): Too much to handle? Is that a challenge?
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...
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You laughed. Tapping on it, you unlocked the phone allowing for it to take you to the origin of the message.
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...
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(U/n): (henrycavill): What? You actually think you can handle me? Dunno bout that mate
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...
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He replied fast. 
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...
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(henrycavill): (U/n): Oh I know I can handle you. Also nice dress, fits you well ;)
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...
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You rolled your eyes, a charming smirk settling upon your lips. You could feel your cheeks flush with heat as blushed rushed into them.
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...
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(U/n): (henrycavill): Thank you doll. What are you doing rn?
(henrycavill): (U/n): Just doing some things for the Witcher.
(U/n): (henrycavill): Big oof. Loved the first season, can't wait for more. If we meet you gotta be wearing both the contacts and the hair cuz 👌
(henrycavill): (U/n): hehehe
(henrycavill): (U/n):  What would you do if I did? 😏
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...
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You couldn't help but giggle. Catching wandering eyes on your figure, you sent the owner's a little sensual shrug before glancing over to Terry, who stood not so far from you. At the moment, he was ordering some Champagne for the two of you.
He mouthed, Is it him? You puckered your lips, feigning a shy glance to the side before looking back up at the lean male. It seemed that the response was exactly what he wanted for his eyes shined brighter than freaking supernovas. Quickly grabbing both your drinks, he swiftly made his way over to you in long strides.
You proceeded to look back at the screen upon hearing your friend pull out the chair beside you after having put down the drink on the inky black silk tablecloth.
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...
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(U/n): (henrycavill): 😜 we’ll find out when we cross that bridge lol 
(henrycavill): (U/n): smh. We will meet. How could I not want to meet my celebrity crush? ;)
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...
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Seriously, the audacity of this man. Like hOW COULD HE?
Playing with my emotions and not my puss-
...
(A/N): Sorry this is short.
Taglist:
@peachy-aisha @josiejosie0 @alwayshave-faith @hista-girl @sleepyxcoffee @akropodeti @artsxpe @ju-lehnsherr @jessyballet @snowbellexx @fanfictionaddiction99 @barikawho @thummbelina @amberparker18 @tinawritesstuff​ @doozywoozy​ 
Hope you enjoyed!
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calmlftv · 4 years
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en l’air. - c.h. oneshot
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description: calum hood x dancer!reader. cal sees you dance and immediately becomes obsessed. 
word count: 4.4k (i’m sorry jdfg) 
warnings: none? some tension but nothing serious. 
w/n: this was a requested piece! thank u to the anon who requested it ❤️ also, for your viewing pleasure, please enjoy this video of Youngblood choreography since it’s mentioned in the piece itself; full credit to Brinn Nicole Choreography for that! and thank u to everyone who had to listen to me talk about this for 24 hours (u know who u are), y’all are the real ones 🥺
taglist: @spicycal @castaway-cashton @irwinkitten @n-ctarinenga @notinthesameguey​ @blackbutterfliescal​ @ashtonsos​ @loveroflrh​ @bestyearssos​ @treatallwithkindness​ @bestyearslftv​ @another-lonely-heart​
****
“Y/N!” 
Jojo’s voice echoed through the room, all eyes turning to you as the choreographer lifted a finger and gestured for you to come over. 
Once you were close enough, the winning smile on Jojo’s face was full of mischief. “You got this choreo down?” When you nodded she started to move, scooting past you towards the phone connected to the speaker system. “Then it’s your turn. Solo.” 
You chuckled, getting into the starting position as Tim’s camera focused on you. A hush fell over the room as the air settled, giving Jojo a nod right before the music started. 
And suddenly, you were transformed, the movements you had been practicing all day coming to life as the music swirled around you. You weren’t in LA anymore; you weren’t even sure if you were yourself. All you knew was the tempo and dynamics of the lyrics, the emotions of the song becoming your own as a story was told with each movement. 
From a young age, it had been clear to your family that you were passionate about dancing. After expressing your disinterest in sports and academics, your parents were dumbstruck; they had genuinely thought you would like at least one of those things, considering your mother was the brains and your father was the stay-at-home-brauns. However, after one particular year of taking you to see a ballet, they quickly noticed the shine in your eyes as the dancers floated across the stage, beaming grins on their faces as they signed you up for dance classes the very next day. 
Over the years, you learned everything you could from different genres of dance, your body becoming fluent in the languages as you grew up. You walked in eight counts, elegance trailing just behind you everywhere you went as you moved. It took everything within you to not dance down the hallways at school, practicing whatever routine was giving you a hard time as you went from class to class. 
After graduating high school, your family moved to LA for better work opportunities; you quickly found a community of dancers you loved and fell in with them, moving into a house with some of them and attending all the workshops they did. When they all started getting big name jobs it didn’t bother you, instead pushing you forward until you were just as talented as they were. 
Now, you were well known with the community. Choreographers like Jojo Gomez and Kyle Hanagami sought you out for their workshops, sometimes even asking you to learn choreo ahead of time to demonstrate to everyone at the shops. Tim Milligram quickly became a friend of yours as well, as he was almost always at the workshops, sparkling lenses capturing everything before he posted the edited videos on YouTube. 
Where you were now was where you had dreamed of being as a child. It wasn’t worldwide fame like some people wanted, but it was more than enough for you. To some, you were a nobody, but to the ones that mattered, you were equivalent to the Queen of England, and that was everything for you. 
As you finished the routine applause broke out around you, your friends all throwing hair ties and shoes at you to celebrate how well you had done. As you came down from the performance high, Jojo almost tackled you in a tight hug, laughter escaping both of you as you caught yourself before you stumbled back. 
“Jesus,” Jojo breathed, pulling back and cupping your face in her hands. “How have you not started teaching these things yourself?” 
You beamed, Jojo’s arm moving around your shoulder as she guided you away. She called the next dancer up and grabbed her phone again as you sat down with your friends, eyes trained on the dancer as you took in every move. 
At the end of the workshop you gathered up all your things and walked out with your friends, the nearest diner calling your names as you all laughed and joked around. Your usual routine for this eventually brought you all back to your home, each of you taking turns showering and settling in for the rest of the night. 
***
The tour bus bumped over another pothole, the uneven cement rattling Calum awake for the upteenth time that evening. He sighed and dragged his hand down his face, officially giving up on any amount of sleep as he turned to his back. 
His hand landed on his phone and lifted it to his face. 
1:47 a.m. 
He held in a groan as he grabbed his AirPods, slipping them into his ears and drowning out the sounds of the bus as it moved. He left his phone plugged in and opened his YouTube app, hoping that maybe some of the channels he was subscribed to had uploaded new videos he could binge until they reached their destination. However, in his sleepy state, he tapped the wrong video, a beat starting over his headphones as his brow furrowed in confusion. 
Calum was about to exit the video when he saw the dancers, eyes captivated by their movements as the first group faded in. His mouth dropped open at some of the talent he was seeing, eyes locked on one dancer in particular during a solo performance. 
It was obvious to Calum this dancer had invested in the music, the way they moved bringing emotions out of the man as he focused intently on their body. Now invested in watching more of these videos, he let this one play out, letting YouTube autoplay to the next one as he kept his phone close to his face. 
Hours passed with Calum trying to find more videos with this dancer in it, finally finding one that he watched a second time. This time, they were in heels, the sweet sounds of Niall Horan’s Slow Hands playing against his eardrums as they moved so elegantly. 
Lucky for him, his video finally had the Instagram handle for this dancer he was now obsessed with, the man immediately switching apps and bringing up their profile. 
They were genuinely stunning in the photos they would post, his thumbs slowly scrolling through most of the photos on their profile before he finally gave them a follow. He knew some fans would see that and make assumptions, but he didn’t care; he wanted to see more of this person and their talents, wanted to consume all forms of media they were on just to see them move. 
“Calum.” 
The man jumped at the sound of Luke’s voice, pulling out an AirPod as he tugged the curtain to his bunk aside. The tall blonde was leaning over and yawning, running a hand through his hair. 
“We’re stopping, mate,” he said, Calum now hearing the sounds of Michael and Ashton shifting in their beds. “Need anything, better get it now.” 
Cal nodded, climbing out of his bunk and giving a big stretch before pulling on some sweatpants. He climbed out of the bus and found Michael waiting for him, the usual routine whenever they made a stop. 
“Hey, Mike,” Cal said, nudging his best friend as he unlocked his phone and showed him the Instagram page he still had open. 
His best friend took his phone and raised an eyebrow as he scrolled down the page, opening some of the photos and giving them a look before he handed the device back. “They’re cute. You followed them?” 
Calum nodded as Michael grinned, giving him a nudge with his elbow. “Trying to make a move, pal? Get yourself a little someone?” 
Calum chuckled, shaking his head as he nudged Michael back. “I don’t think so, Mike, just think they’re talented. Wanna keep up with that.” 
Michael nodded and wiggled his eyebrows, making Calum shove him playfully as he broke into a laugh. 
“What’s goin’ on up there?” Ashton called from behind them as Luke trailed behind him. Michael turned around, walking backwards as he spoke. 
“Cal’s got a crush on a dancer!” he yelled back, making Calum groan. 
“It’s not a crush!” 
“Whatever you say, mate!” 
*** 
“Jade,” you called, your phone shifting slightly in its place. “What do you want for dinner?” 
Your Instagram live audience immediately started to chime in with suggestions as you picked up your phone, holding it out in front of you as you read the suggestions. 
Your best friend came out of her room and followed you, half of her now in view of the audience as you moved into the kitchen. “Someone’s suggested we order out instead of making something, but where’s the fun in that?” 
Jade chuckled as she started rummaging through the cabinets, taking in everything they had before she turned around and looked at you. “That might be a good idea,” she said, gesturing to the nearly empty cabinets. 
“Oh shit,” you sighed, putting a hand on your hip. “You’re right. Take out it is!” 
Jade chuckled as she picked up her phone, already dialing your favorite place and putting in an order for the two of you as you made faces at your audience. 
It was a quiet night and you had been bored, the Instagram live feature staring you in the eyes as you finally decided to just do it. You had taken the time beforehand to look cute but comfy, hoping the cute man that had followed you a few months ago now would join.
The notification had confused you. You weren’t sure who Calum Hood was at first, noticing the blue check next to his name as you did your investigation into his Instagram profile. After a quick Google search, however, you quickly learned everything you needed to know about him; his band had written one of your favorite dance songs and a few others you had put on your driving playlist that you vibed with the most. 
So, that mixed with how attractive you found him to be, you obviously had to follow him back. 
He didn’t post much and you were fine with that, always knowing when he was online by the comments he would leave when you posted a new photo or video. It was normally a cheeky comment followed by a set of emojis, something that always brought a light blush to your cheeks and giggles from your friends. 
Whenever he posted, you always did the same, both of you liking and commenting on photos relentlessly. You kept up with his band through his stories, even popping in on the livestream on release day just to see him dancing with his dog. 
He was absolutely adorable, and while you wanted to reach out and say hi in private, you knew he probably wouldn’t even see it; besides, he’s a rockstar and you’re a dancer. Talk about being worlds away, right?
Right?
Suddenly, you snapped back to reality, a name appearing in the stream of comments that made your heart skip. You quickly grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down the news, being careful to hide it from the camera as you slid it across the counter to Jade. 
He’s in the live, and said I look cute.
She picked up the note and raised an eyebrow out of view of the camera, a devilish grin on her lips as she immediately opened her phone. 
“What are you doing?” You asked her, standing up straight as soft music started playing over the speakers in your living area. 
Jade grabbed your hand and your livestream, dragging you both into the room. “I want to teach you and your livestream a new choreo I’m working on. Maybe you can even help me make it better.” 
You scoffed at that, knowing her undeniable talent as she set everything up. The song was Youngblood, the smooth notes practically fogging up the windows on their own as you started to learn. 
With a quick break for food once it arrived, you and Jade taught your livestream how to dance, laughter and music taking over both of you until you finally ended your live. 
You were covered in sweat, the soft sheen of it against the lights in your home obviously as your chest heaved. 
“Did you really need help with that choreo?” You asked Jade, your friend sprawled out in a starfish against the floors. 
She flashed you a smile. “Absolutely not,” she stated, sitting up. “But lover boy was watching, and he needs to know you have sex appeal.” 
You coughed, choking on a bit of spit at her words. “Jade!” You said, your best friend cackling as she scrambled up to her feet. 
“Love you!” She said as you chased her away, the woman dipping into her room and locking the door behind her. 
You groaned, blushing deeply as you hid yourself away in your room. 
*** 
Tour life had become routine for Calum, as it always does, but the nights off always left him a bit bored. Being in strange cities left him without much to do this close to the end of tour, but he thoroughly enjoyed opening your livestream and watching you laugh. 
Michael must have been a psychic, cause what started as an appreciation for your talents has become much more than that. When you laughed he felt himself smiling, his eyes crinkling as they do whenever he got to hear you speak. He was crushing hard, his post notifications on for the dancer he had fallen for over the months as he kept himself busy with his passion and job. 
When he saw the notification of your livestream he immediately jumped in, joining and smiling immediately as he saw your face fill his phone screen. 
You were smiling at your friend, resting your cheek against your hand as you leaned on what looked like a kitchen counter. You were looking absolutely adorable, the smile on Calum’s face hardly fading as he gained the confidence to send a comment. 
He saw your eyes light up as you looked at your screen, the expression on your face making his heart skip while his own eyes traced the shape of your face. You scribbled something down and passed it to your friend, the two of you then shifting to the living area where the phone was set up to expose the extra space around you. 
His eyes stayed locked on your body as you moved, fluidity and grace in each step as you were taught a new dance. The tones of the music brought out in your dancing brought a slight blush to his cheeks as you put the whole thing together. The dance itself was sultry, but when you moved to it, the tempo took on a whole new heartbeat, and suddenly the song was so much better in Calum’s mind. 
It felt like it was too soon when you finished, bowing to your friend as she grinned wildly. Calum’s palms were a little bit sweaty as he watched you move closer to the camera, the live ending soon after as you moved on with your life. 
The images of you moving still floated through Calum’s mind, his memory fixated on it as he finally opened up his Instagram DM’s. 
Your username popped up immediately when he started a new conversation, his first message being typed out effortlessly by his thumbs. 
Saw your live tonight, he typed. Thanks for dancing to our song.
It was simple enough, he thought, but hoped you wouldn’t think it was too simple; nerves danced along his muscles as he pressed send, his words to you now being sent through a series of ones and zeros as he quickly locked his phone and pushed it away. Now that he had made the move he was terrified of your response, the man trying to distract himself as he climbed out of his bunk and hunted down Michael. 
His best friend was sitting on the bus couch, scrolling through whatever social media platform as Cal plopped down beside him. 
“You talk to that dancer yet?” Michael asked immediately, hardly glancing up from his phone as Calum chuckled. 
“You need to stop reading my mind,” he scolded gently. “Yeah, I, uh, just messaged them actually. They danced to Youngblood on a livestream.” 
Michael looked at Calum and wiggled his eyebrows. “And judging by the blush on your face I’d say it was a good performance.” 
Calum’s blush only deepened as Michael laughed, a light ping of Cal’s phone interrupting their conversation. 
Michael stood and grabbed the phone as Calum froze in place, placing it on the couch beside his best friend before he sat down again. 
“Answer it.” 
“But-”
“Calum Thomas, you answer that lovely person right this second or I’ll do it for you.” 
The magic words made Calum open his phone, knowing if Michael had to answer the message he would never be able to show his face around you. Nervous butterflies exploded in his stomach as he opened your response, Michael reading over his shoulder. 
Well hello, handsome. Thanks for writing such a good song, hahaha. It’s one of my favorites! 
“Well, mate,” Michael said, grinning as he slapped Calum on the back. “Looks like you can handle it.” 
***
Your new video was incredible, how long did that take? You’re amazing!
Calum’s newest message to you made you smile, sweat making your hair cling to your forehead as you typed out a quick response. 
Thanks, I had quite a good muse for that one ;)
Oh really? Must be a lucky muse if they inspire something so beautiful. 
A heavy blush landed on your cheeks as you typed back a response, the click of someone’s fingers gaining your attention as you hit send. 
“I know that’s not a phone out,” Kyle scolded gently, a sheepish smile pulling on your lips. 
“Sorry Kyle, I’m putting it away now,” you promised, thumbs typing a quick message to Calum before burying the device deep within your bag. 
It’s been about a month or two since Calum first messaged you, the banter and flirting starting immediately as you both finally got to have the private conversations you had been dreaming of. At times it would inch away from the innocent compliments and small talk to something sexier, but you both kept yourselves as appropriate as possible - sometimes. 
Now, as Kyle reeled you back in to finish teaching the new choreo he had worked on, your mind wandered to Calum’s real thoughts about your IGTV video you had posted hours before. 
Hearing Wildflower for the first time had sent you directly to the empty dance studio your parents had built you at their place, your feet and body taking almost no time to settle in as you started hammering out a choreo to Calum’s melody. You had been up all night doing it, barely making it to Kyle’s class on time as notifications from Instagram started pouring in, praises about your technique and song choice washing over you. 
However, something tugged within you when you saw Calum’s message. It was different coming from him for some reason, and it filled you with a mix of excitement and pleasure; it was a weird mix for you, something you hadn’t ever truly felt before, but you hesitantly welcomed it with open arms. 
The class passed by slower than you wanted, each time you ran through the choreography only taking up the smallest bit of time as you anxiously waited for the clock to strike 4 so you can open your messages again and talk to him. 
Finally, your magical moment arrived when you could pack up and leave, Kyle giving you a big hug and saying his thanks before you started to hurry out the door. 
“Hey!” Kyle called after you, making you pause in the doorway and spin around. He had a grin on his face. “Hope this guy is a good one.” 
You beamed and laughed. “I think he is. Thanks, Kyle.” 
He smiled and waved as you turned around again and bolted to your car, locking the doors as soon as they had shut as you opened up your messages from Calum. 
He had sent a cheeky reply to your message earlier, followed by a video sent to you. With captured breath you tapped on the message, the video unfolding before you. 
It was focused on his feet as he walked over shiny white tile, the camera panning up to expose the interior of LAX - or that’s what the location filter said, at least. You felt a grin crack open your face as you quickly realized what this meant. 
Calum was home from tour. 
Your thumbs started to type faster than you thought they could. 
You’re home! 
Almost immediately, the little bubble appeared. 
Home, and ready to see you if you’re up for it.
Butterflies exploded in your stomach as you typed an affirmative message, both of you quickly setting up a time and place before you drove back to your home. 
“Jade!” You yelled as you stepped inside, dropping your bag at the door while you quickly slipped off your shoes. 
Your friend's head poked out from around a corner as you started shedding clothes, her hand immediately flying to cover her eyes as she yelped. “Whoa, where’s the fire?! Why are you undressing in the middle of the house?” 
“I have a date.” You stated, stopping just outside of your door as you turned to face her. “With Calum. And I need you to pick my outfit while I shower!” 
Jade uncovered her eyes and beamed, immediately following you into your room while you ducked into your private bathroom. While you had your shower, Jade was yelling questions to you, the two of you plotting and planning until you finally stepped out and pulled on the clothes she had decided on. 
Your light blue jeans and white crop top were the perfect amount of casual, a light sprinkle of shiny jewelry being thrown in until Jade gave you the approval. When you checked the time on your phone, you nodded, standing and thanking her profusely as you finally went out the door and into your car again. 
By now, the sunshine of LA was changing colors, shedding the harsh tone of the day for the warmth of dusk that was soon to come. The coffee shop Calum had chosen was perfect, too, the dwindling sunlight being perfect as you sat in a chair just outside the shop. 
You anxiously looked around while you waited, playing with some of the rings around your fingers as you waited patiently for your date to arrive. Is this really even a date? You thought, suddenly panicking about how you looked. What if this is just a casual- 
“This seat taken?” 
His voice took you by surprise, your eyes trailing upwards to meet the warm, smiling brown ones of Calum Hood. 
You smiled a little bit, leaning your elbows on the table. “Well I was saving it for a cute boy,” you teased. “But I guess you can sit as well.” 
Calum gave you a look of mock hurt. “Ouch, right in the ego,” he teased back, slowly reaching across the table to take your hand. “Nice to finally meet you in person.” 
He spoke as he lifted your hand to his lips, pressing a sweet and seductive kiss to your knuckles as his gaze held you captive. You blushed deeply, smiling in an attempt to cover it. 
“And the same for you,” you said softly, smiling as he held on to your hand. 
The two of you sat there and chatted as the sun set around you, the cool of the evening wrapping around you as you got lost in Calum’s words. Conversation came easily with him, both of you feeling like you had already known each other for so much longer than reality; something with the two of you just worked, and you loved being able to lose track of time with him. 
Honestly, it was far too easy for you to lose yourself in his very being, but you decided not to focus entirely on that. 
When the quiet and kind barista came out to put up the tables and chairs, you apologized profusely, Calum chuckling as he stood up. You quickly followed after him, the two of you apologizing again before starting to walk away, Calum’s hand slipping easily around your own while you blushed. 
The two of you slowly walked back to your cars together, a comfortable silence settling in as you made your way to your cars. He walked you right up to your drivers side door, the man smiling sheepishly as he looked at you. 
“Thanks for being willing to meet with me,” he said sweetly, bringing your joined hands up to his chest. He held them there, right next to his heart, which you could feel beating against your knuckles. “I’m glad you didn’t think I was a serial killer or something.”
You laughed, shaking your head. “And I’m glad you didn’t think I was a catfish,” you joked, Calum smiling and laughing. 
When you both settled down again your gazes met, another blush coating your cheeks as he leaned down. His lips connected with your cheek quickly, the man standing up straight again as he released your hand. 
While you were sad that he let you go, you knew it was time for you to go home; it was getting late, and you had a workshop to be at in the morning, your mind still racing as you dug out your keys and unlocked your car. 
Calum pulled the door open for you, letting you slide in as he leaned against the top of the door. 
“Will we be able to see each other again?” He asked softly, his chin resting on his arm as he draped it over the door. 
You thought for a second, making a bit of a face. “I guess so, but I’ll have to have my people call your people.” 
Calum grinned, chuckling at your teasing. “Well my people will be anxiously awaiting your people.” He took a second after he finished speaking, getting a serious look on his face as he looked at you. “I’d like to see you again, though. Maybe for dinner?” 
You smiled, reaching up to take his hand. “I would love that,” you said, giving his fingers a squeeze as he brought them to his lips again. 
He smiled and let you settle in, carefully closing the door for you before he stepped back a bit. He watched you go, making sure you were able to pull onto the roads okay before he got into his own vehicle. 
Once Calum’s driver seat door had closed, he pulled out his phone, immediately pulling up the group text with his bandmates. 
Guys, he typed. I’m so fucked.
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himbowelsh · 4 years
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Also i’d love some good old Luz/Toye modern day au headcanons! ❤️❤️❤️
oh my god, what if they met on a dating app tho
because luz is an absolute dating app ho.  he doesn’t use it to fall in love, let’s be honest  ---  i mean, if he hits it off with someone, sure, they’ll go on a date.  mostly he thinks they’re absolutely hilarious, and “you just meet the most interesting people on there, really”.   he’s got a grindr, a tinder, a bumblr, a tingle, and any other dating app you can name.  like, no less than five on his phone at any given time, and he’s got a collection of interesting profile pics screencapped.
(which means perconte gets texts at 3am of wild tinder profiles; for example, a guy dressed like a chicken in his profile pic, captioned by luz:  i think this one’s worth chickin out)
in short, luz uses them for the hell of it, and has met some interesting people, but never takes dating on them seriously.
then he matches with The Guy
The Guy is absolutely the most gorgeous man george has ever seen.  talk about jacked; this guy’s profile pics are of him lifting weights, running, boxing. all sports, all tasteful  (he’s never shirtless, no mirror selfies here) but he’s showing off his arms in every single one.
luz almost has a heart attack.
(perconte’s phone buzzes at 3am; it’s The Guy, captioned by luz, 😳🤯🥵)
on the other end of the line, joe toye is a grandpa.
no, literally. social media is not his thing.  he doesn’t have twitter, he doesn’t have insta, he has a facebook account he hasn’t logged into in years  ---  just because he does have a lot of aunties and they all want to know what he’s up to.
joe’s a boxing instructor, and a pretty successful one.  his gym asks him to record video tutorials for youtube, which he does...  but only because they keep sending a kid to film him, and he’d feel like an asshole telling him to beat it.  really, joe just does his thing in the videos, while wearing very tight shirts.  they get tons of views on youtube.  he doesn’t realize he’s become a mild internet heartthrob, because he literally just...  isn’t interested.
he also doesn’t seem to be interested in dating.   this, in the opinion of one bill guarnere, is a travesty.
bill pretty much badgers joe into making a tinder profile.  just one, just to take a chance on it and see what happens.  if he doesn’t like it, he can just delete it!  what’s the harm, right?
joe lets bill download the app, grunts at bill’s choice of profile pictures, and promptly forgets the app is even on his phone.
until George Luz happens.
what did you expect? george luz ALWAYS happens.
now, george has done some light internet stalking at this point.  he’s found the youtube videos, and has developed a full-on crush.  it’s bad, guys.  he’s considering signing up for boxing lessons, despite the near-certainty that joe could snap his spaghetti arms like twigs.
he takes the safe route, and just slides into joe’s DMs instead.
‘looks like your allergies are acting up in those pics’
‘you could really use some vitamin Me’
joe stares at his phone for a solid two minutes in dead silence before replying with a succinct ‘fuck no.’
BUT GEORGE LUZ DOES NOT GIVE UP. 
listen.  listen.  this man has an endless supply of pickup lines, and he’s not afraid to use them.  joe knows where the block feature is.  he can absolutely swipe left if he so chooses, but he hasn’t, and george takes that as solid encouragement.  somewhere out there, there’s a perfect line for the perfect guy, and he’s gonna find it.  so he sends a new line every day, just...  shooting his shot.
‘i’m feeling pretty sunburned, because your bio is too hot to handle’
‘no wonder you’re a boxer, you’re a knockout’
‘you could choke me out with those thighs and i’d come back as a ghost to thank you’
‘know what i could do if i rearranged the alphabet?  put the d in u’
‘would you rather fight 1 horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses’
joe hates it.  he absolutely freaking hates it.  but here’s the thing  ---  george knows, and he knows, that he could just unmatch and be done with it.
he does not do this.
the worst part is, joe finds himself actually looking forward to the new line every day.  god help him, he likes it.  it’s something to snort at after a long day at work, something which gets him to roll his eyes every time...  but he won’t deny, it’s...  kind of flattering.   the guy is a dumbass, but he’s persistent, joe will at least give him that.
finally  ---  after the twelfth day, when george’s pickup lines have aged like fine cheese  (’my body has 457 bones, but u could still break me in half’)  ---   joe finally caves
‘that’s too many. too many fucking bones.’
on the other end of the line, george is having a mild heart attack. he replied!!  he actually replied!!
‘you’re right’   he shoots back.   ‘i know my anatomy.  i’ve actually got 205 bones’
‘no you fucking don’t.  an adult male has 206 bones in his body.’
nitpicky and ripped??  george is into it.
‘really?’   he can’t get the shiteating smirk off his face.    ‘looks like i’m missing one.’  (and at this moment, joe knows what the hell he’s just walked into.)    ‘ur gonna have to give it to me.’
a long silence.  george holds his breath, not daring to hope, not daring to dread.
finally, joe replies.    ‘if i give you my number, will you stop.’
‘oh baby,’  replies george,   ‘i can keep going all night long’
joe sends him his number.
he shows up to the date with an anatomy textbook, just to be a dick about it.  george laughs so hard he falls off his barstool, and that’s the moment joe realizes he’s fallen in love with this idiot.
then again, maybe that realization came 100 duck sized horses ago.
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leakypizza · 3 years
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lets get perrsonal questions or whaveterver
i wanted to make a question tag but feral and this is what i came up with. tag ur friends, tag ur enemies, but most importantly give me a kiss at ur earliest convenience.
thank u @cl0wnapologist i love u molly
1. say hi! :D (name/age/pronouns)
hello i am jillian also referred to as jill and sometimes jill beans im 20 and my pronouns are she/her
2. what’s your venus sign? <3
aquarius <3 i will never experience love
3. would you rather people perceive you as the person you present to the world or your true self? are they the same?
it would be cool for people to see me as my true self but im kinda fuckin wack,,, not in a way like “im not like other girls” like as in wow im just wack as fuck idk. i think i am more my true self at this point in my life than i was before which is cool but i feel really alienated from other people u know? gotta switch to sorority girl sometimes its just more convenient to pretend to be someone else
4. what do you prioritize in your relationships—how well someone treats you or how much you like them?
mmm i feel like how much i like them matters because i dont like anyone so that’s like step 1, and they also probably shouldn’t treat me like shit but i tend to let people do that so i just don’t have relationships
5. what’s the most embarrassing fanfic you’ve ever read?
jokes on you i never read fanfiction as a youth!
6. would you rather be fluent in every language or a master of every instrument? if you could only pick one of each what would it be?
probably every language but i would like to be slick with the guitar
7. share some of your favorite characters!
ymir from attack on titan because i vaguely look like her and she is bitch lesbian. also probably every female from attack on titan. i also am a fan of asuka and misato from nge, and tamaki from ouran. also probably i could go on but i will spare you bc this is embarassing
8. what’s a niche interest/subject you could write a 12-page essay on?
sex education and i have written multiple 10+ page essays on it in fact
also probably astrology i did make a 52 slide presentation on the basics of it which is the most capricorn thing i have ever done
9. what are you missing the most right now?
making new friends but also having friends who have the same interests as me specifically molly and alyssa :(
10. hottest non-human animated character? (ex. zootopia fox, ryuk from death note, aunt fanny from robots)
WHY IS RYUK YOUR EXAMPLE
the female titan but not annie just like the actual titan 
the war hammer titan as well shes so sexy
11. share some of your old urls/handles/usernames (i’m looking at u, 1D insta with 70 followers from 2013)
lets not bring this up :) 
12. what’s a favorite physical feature of yourself? what are some favorite physical features of your friends/loved ones?
my personal favorite feature is my boobies not because they look good but because they are soft and squishy and are my own little stress balls. i have been told i have good teeth tho but my ex said that so it doesnt count
and i love molly’s long ass thick ass hair and her laugh and pretty smile and i love how alyssa has very pretty eyes and skin idk how to describe and bof of their styles are amazing
13. what’s a favorite personality trait of yours? of your friends/loved ones?
there is nothing good about my personality
bUt molly has the best sense of humor in the world and alyssa is the most caring woman her intuition makes her insults towards me so spicy i love it
14. describe a recent time someone made you feel loved/valued
when alyssa gave me a pusheen squishmallow for my birthday
15. what’s the most embarrassing character you’ve been attracted to?
akira from devilman which ik isn’t embarassing bc hes hot but like...,,,, specifically the ceiling scene
16. gayest thing you’ve done recently? (complimentary)
made frog cakes with @cl0wnapologist and @lesbianspongeb0b while watching ouran highschool host club
17. gayest thing you’ve done recently? (derogatory)
when my friends were saying what sport we seem like we wouldve played in high school and all my friends said i would’ve played softball <3
18. what are your comfort movies/shows/books/foods?
movies: spongebob, ratatouille, spirited away
shows: ouran, kids baking championship, free!
books: my anatomy textbook
foods: everything. lately it’s been chocolate peanut butter soup which is a monstrosity i created while high but u know what it slaps
19. last 5 things you looked up in your youtube search bar/history?
rice krispie treats , brown butter rice krispie treats , binging with babish rice krispie treats , rice krispie treats without marshmallows , and attack on titan abridged
(i was craving them one night ok chill)
20. should we kiss rn? :*
i’ve been waiting for u to ask
idk if i have any active mutuals left so i’m not tagging anyone lmao
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airadam · 3 years
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Episode 142 : ...If You Hear Me
"We all need...some fresh air."
- Tobe
This month has been pretty exhausting, but I did have some good ideas for this episode, and once I hit stride with the recording I decided to try and keep the pace up and get it released on a weekend day! The selection has turned out to be heavy on artists who are no longer with us, but left us some great music to remember them by. Get yourself comfortable and press "play"...
Twitter : @airadam13
Twitch : @airadam13
Playlist/Notes
Evidence ft. Raekwon and Ras Kass : The Red Carpet
How is this track ten years old already? Time has flown since the 2011 release of "Cats & Dogs", the second solo Evidence album after four LPs as part of Dilated Peoples. While Evidence is an excellent producer in his own right, the reins here are taken by his future partner in The Step Brothers, The Alchemist. He further shows his confidence by bringing in California's Ras Kass and Raekwon from the Wu to guest, both legendary MCs, and holds his own next to both. A great collection of talent to kick off the show!
[DJ Premier] Gang Starr : What's Real? (Instrumental)
I just had to go back to "One Of The Best Yet" for another Preemo beat! Definitely get the instrumental release if you can, especially as you get the previously-unreleased "Glowing Mic" as a bonus cut.
The Notorious B.I.G ft. DMC : My Downfall
As I say on the voiceover, it feels weird playing a good chunk of Biggie's catalogue given how he ultimately died. This track from "Life After Death" is a perfect example, and feels like a mix of the creative writing he was famed for and maybe a realisation of exactly how much negativity swirled around him even after he had made the transition from the streets to the music industry. The legendary DMC of RUN DMC guests, only on the hook - but he does it well.
Agallah : Slaughter
Just a few bars, just a taste, as I needed something to bridge a track with no instrumental outro and the other with no open bars on the intro! Big respect to Agallah though, who has been putting in work since the mid-90s and will probably have yet another new project out by the time I finish typing this sentence. Find this beat on "Propain Campain Presents Agalllah - The Instrumental Vol. 1".
Sean Price and Small Professor (ft. Rock and DJ Revolution) : Refrigerator P
Heavy business! Ruck (Sean Price) and Rock, formerly the duo Heltah Skeltah, reunite on this killer from the "86 Witness" LP. Small Professor makes the beat dramatic, and DJ Revolution seasons the mix with his trademark super-sharp cuts.
Fred The Godson : Presidents
The Bronx-born-and-bred MC Fred The Godson sadly passed away last April at just 35 - one of the relatively early US casualties of COVID-19. During his lifetime, his catalogue consisted of some highly-rated mixtapes, but only after his death do we finally hear his debut album, "Ascension".  This track of course is built (by Hesami) around the same sample as Jay-Z's "Dead Presidents" as Fred expounds on the drug game.
Broke 'n' English : Tryin' (Calibre Mix)
"Tryin'" was one of the standouts on the 2007 debut LP "Subject 2 Status" from this respected Manchester crew. Both Strategy and DRS have a long-standing history in the drum & bass scene, and so it made sense that the remix of this track would be handled by someone like Calibre. Sharp, crisp drum action and a smooth bassline drive this one along, with DRS' vocals being woven in as a refrain. You can hear in this one track how DRS then went on to make several excellent D&B albums - his vocal versatility allows him to shine on any production.
Marco Polo : Cindy
The "MP On The MP" (see what he did there?) beat tape is inspired by a Youtube series he was doing, and features a host of new and unreleased beats. Marco Polo is one keeping this style of production alive, which I'm thankful for.  I still think of him as a "new" producer, but he's a veteran with over fifteen years in the industry!
Le$ : Out To Cali
Le$ is a great MC to go to if you want lyrics about just living life and having fun - almost like a Curren$y, but without the extreme high-end references. Right here, he's going to Cali, buying some weed, riding around, and enjoying the view - sometimes it doesn't need to be more lofty than that. Mr.Rogers goes to a familiar sample as a basis for the beat, and if you want more, the whole "Summer Madness" will give you these vibes - and exercise your speakers in the process.
O.C. : What I Need (Keelay Remix)
The "Smoke & Mirrors" LP is a bit of a forgotten one for many, but I really enjoyed it, and when acapellas became available, it was expertly remixed by the Sole Vibe crew out of San Francisco. The classic soul sample (which you may recognise from tracks like "Deeper" by Bo$$) is the foundation, with a heavy kick and skipping hi-hats providing the rhythm. O.C. never lost a step from his first LP, and he's never afraid to put his feelings out there on wax.
Sadat X : Stages & Lights
This is one of those tracks I was stunned to realised I hadn't already played on the podcast, so here it is at last! This Showbiz-produced cut from the 1996 "Wild Cowboys" LP, Sadat's solo debut, was also a B-side on the "Hang 'Em High" single - but definitely stole the show. If you ever find the original sample, you'll be amazed at how Show plucked that one small piece for this beat!
Phife Dawg : Thought U Wuz Nice
Killer B-side action from Phife Dawg, on the flip of the Superrappin "Bend Ova" 12", with J Dilla on the bouncy production. Still can't quite believe that both of these icons are no longer with us.
Saib : Beyond Clouds
The Chillhop label seems to put out endless amounts of beats from producers specialising in sounds inspired by greats like J Dilla and Nujabes, but with their own spin. This one comes from the "Chillhop Essentials Fall 2020" compilation, one of any number that are perfect for soundtracking study, work, or just a lazy day!
213 : Run On Up
That beat by Tha Chill and the delivery of "Shut the f********ck up and ruuuu-uuu-uuuun" by the late great Nate Dogg is enough to make this an absolute classic in my ears, but the full picture is even better. Way before "Doggystyle", "The Chronic", or even "Deep Cover", 213 was the group formed in Long Beach by Nate Dogg, Warren G, and Snoop, before any of them had got their big breaks. Years later, after all of them had become stars in their own rights, it was heart-warming to see them reform for the "The Hard Way" LP, from which this is taken.
Sporty Thievz : Angel
The Sporty Thievz deserve to be remembered for more than "No Pigeons", as much as we enjoyed the whole thing at the time. The "Street Cinema" album may not have quite lived up to the name, but there were some solid cuts on there, and this was one. Produced by King Kirk of the group alongside Ski, this track has all the foreboding, and while the singing on the hook may not be Marvin Gaye level, it absolutely works here.
Jean Grae : My Crew
One of the great underrated MCs - not because her skills are in question, but simply because not enough people know her! She's in fine early 2000s form on this cut from the "Bootleg of the Bootleg EP", produced by China Black. Straight boom-bap, and she cuts through with clarity and dexterity. Jean Grae raps, sings, produces, acts...one of the true talent of the culture.
Bronx Slang : Just Say No
New single from Jerry Beeks and Ollie Miggs, who have really been on a hot streak the last couple of years. It's nice to hear some protest music in an era that really calls for it, and if this is a marker of how good the upcoming second album is going to be, then you need to reserve a space in your crates right now! Jadell on production brings an appropriate heaviness to the track, no lightness on the beat!
[Ron Browz] Big L : The Heist (Instrumental)
All these years and I'd never looked to see who produced this beat from Big L's posthumously-released LP "The Big Picture" - come to find out it's one of Ron Browz' first credits. He's much better known for "Ether" by Nas, which came in 2001. The vocal version of this track is what the name suggests, a robbery tale, and you can hear the sound effects that punctuate the narrative still here in the instrumental.
Tobe Nwigwe : Fresh Air
Tobe Nwigwe and his collective (including his wife Fat and his producer Nell) have been quietly on the rise for a while, but in very recent times their profile has elevated noticeably. "The Pandemic Project" is a short six-track album from last year, and another quality addition to the catalogue. This man is an amazing MC, and Nell's often-unconventional beats are the perfect canvas. Don't sleep! 
Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!
Check out this episode!
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sumeshi-t · 4 years
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hinata shoyou x reader | hanahaki x reincarnation au; a chaotic mix of fluff, crack, and angst.
song: lifetime by ben&ben
beta-ed by @bubbleteaa​ and @taeiliee ​ iloveyou both always <3
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i. 》 ii.》 iii.
*:・゚✧ “Glimpse of me and you—oh, you were a good dream,”  ✧・゚: *
“LN Group’s Heir, getting close and personal with volleyball rookie?”
The headline was on the news, accompanied by blurred photos of you and Hinata together after his games, or of you two leaving the same car entering the same restaurant. Currently, you were sitting behind a large desk in your office, leaning comfortably against the leather, having your morning coffee.
“Director,” your secretary began, perhaps about to ask you for your next step.
“Let the media talk. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind me dating someone months after mourning?” you answered nonchalantly, savoring the bittersweet taste on your tongue.
“But what about… the suitors, FCU Corp’s—”
“This conversation is over. I don’t want to waste my time over the boring sons of CEOs. They cut ties with me and they lose everything they have. Understood?” you don’t spare your secretary a glance as you dismissed him, before proceeding to look through the stack of documents on your desk.
You would occasionally cough as you worked, but not to the point wherein you can’t handle being in a conference. Your condition hasn’t been better, for what once were just coins, were now being accompanied by bills. You decide to collect the money that you vomit out, at least put the ill-gotten fortune to good use by donating to charity or using it for tips.
Soon as you signed the last project proposal, your phone vibrates against the glass of your table. You peek, and you wondered if it was the coffee that made your heart skip a beat. You put your pen down first, then, slowly reply, “Can I call?”
“…sure,”
One, two, five rings later, Kenma picks up.
“So… you’ve heard the news,” you speak first, twirling your seat to face the glass walls overlooking the city.
“Yeah… I thought you were just sponsoring Hinata,” you hear the sound of a game in the background as you waited to see if he was going to continue. You felt somehow disappointed when that was all he said. 
Did he believe the news? Was he jealous? Why was he concerned? Your brain was screaming these questions but all you gave him was silence. And this, he notices; so he replies, “Well, if it’s true, just… don’t mess up I guess.” 
This wasn’t the response you wanted but it was better than nothing. With that thought, you sighed, finally regaining control of yourself. “Hopefully, I won’t. Have you asked Hinata-san about it?”
“Hm? Not really,” a pause and then, a soft chuckle. “For someone dating, you’re still so formal. But I guess that’s just how you are, y/n.”
Soon after that, Kenma drops the call to resume his own schedule.
Your face was flushed from how soft you felt inside. Not only did you get to hear Kenma’s little laugh, but perhaps this development was one step to reaching your goal. You immediately text Hinata about this milestone you’ve attained, before going back to work.
A few hours later, around half-past four in the afternoon, you received a text message and all you could do was gasp.
“I’m near the café, y/n-san! See you!”
It was Hinata. And you were confused why he would tell you that, until you scrolled up a little and saw that text you sent from that same morning: “Hinata-kun! I think it’s working, let’s meet at the usual and celebrate!”
Since when… did you type that? You only planned to tell him about the phone call. Well, you could also just cancel, say that you’re working overtime after a five-hour meeting. It was an easy excuse, an easy way out of this mess you didn’t seem to remember doing. However, as your thumb hovers over the send button, you feel your breath shorten, brows furrowing, and with a sigh you drop your phone on the table.
“Alright, I’ll see you there,” sent.
You quickly finish up your work for the day: reviewing your own schedule for tomorrow, making one last trip to one of the director’s involved in tomorrow’s meeting, and giving your secretary any last reminders or errands.
You drove your way to the antique café—the amount of times you’ve done so made it feel like a routine for you. This was your favorite place; you basically knew the owners already. But lately, it seems as though you had something, someone to look forward to. You feel your lungs constrict, seeing an image of Hinata’s face in your head—you thought you were about to spit out another set of bills and coins, but you didn’t. It was a good thing you were at a stoplight, or else you’d have stepped on the brake in the middle of an intersection.
As you crossed the street and arrived at your destination, you couldn’t help the feeling that in some way, you were still stuck in that intersection. Was this the right way? Should you have taken a U-turn at a different street? But then, brakes existed. You remember you have brakes; so you can always stop and go back anytime you feel lost.
For now, you choose to wander the winding road and see where it takes you.
The chimes ring softly as the door hits against them when you enter.
Your eyes scan the place, and yet can’t seem to find the guy you were looking for. You whip out your phone, already mid-text when a paper plane flies idly and drops by your feet, getting caught in your periphery.
Putting your phone back in your pocket, you bend down to pick the paper plane up. You didn’t even see the direction where the plane came from, and curiosity was getting the best of you. You flip one of the folds, unraveling the tiny origami in your delicate hands.
“Coffee?” The word, rather, invitation was scribbled in a mediocre way—definitely written by a man trying to pick up girls in poor taste. You looked around you again and spotted a cute girl just near you. So, you check the note once more, and notice how awfully familiar the strokes of every letter were.
You blinked once, twice, and, somehow kept seeing images from a time so long ago; you don’t remember this happening before so how do you have memories of this certain encounter? You feel your head pounding, heart racing, as your legs took you to the source of it all, hiding behind the counter.
“Hinata-kun,” ah, what’s this, why were you smiling?
The ginger male smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head as he faced you with cheeks blushed. The staff simply watched on, with amused snickers and teasing looks on their faces.
You hand him the note with a raised brow, “You missed,” you say as you nod your head towards the girl you saw earlier. Hinata chuckles, and the sound seems awfully familiar, in this awfully familiar place and moment; it felt so right, so fitting—
It feels like finally coming home.
“N-Not really,” he stutters, before handing you your porcelain mug, the mug you always used, with tiny little flowers you yourself hand-painted. The smell of freshly brewed coffee reached your nose, and as your hands touched when you were taking the mug from him, you feel a surge of warmth that no coffee you’ve had before has given you.
You gasp when you look into his eyes, and all you could see was how his lips moved when he nibbled on them, how his hair was ruffled, how his nose wrinkled at the end of his sentence. You’ve seen all of this before that you knew what he was going to say.
“I don’t drink coffee, but if it’s with you I don’t mind!”
“You don’t drink coffee, but if it’s with me you won’t mind,”
The two of you say at the same time, and you had to blink twice—you could have sworn you just saw him wearing a checkered top over baggy jeans. His laugh was first to break the tension between you, and you managed to calm down a bit, especially at seeing him in his jersey jacket again.
Hinata looks more amazed than surprised at what just happened, eyes wide in fascination at his deduction— “y/n-san, is that part of your, er, sickness? Because if it is, that’s so cool!”
You also wanted to ask yourself that. The book your predecessors made never mentioned anything about these dreadfully clear episodes of déjà vu. His question was left unanswered, as the old gramps, the owner of the café, went out of the kitchen to thank Hinata for his help, and to tell you two to get to your table already.
For the rest of your date, you try to get your mind off the memory—the memory of Hinata Shoyou that wasn’t yours but seemed like they were.
Wait… date?
“I’ll do even better, y/n-san! If… if you like, you can watch the next practice match and we can… go on an obvious date again! Oh! Kenma is a Youtuber too right? What if… we…?”
Ah, that’s right. There was no need to fret. Hinata Shoyou is your “boyfriend” after all. It was right to call it a date. So were all your previous meet-ups considered a date? You’ve never been to one before, so how would you know?
You couldn’t focus on anything but on the way Hinata made you feel both on edge and at peace. Perhaps, it was the coffee; you’re drinking too much lately that’s why you’re so easily flustered. Blame the caffeine. Blame the caffeine. It’s just the caffeine in your veins—
“That’s genius! I’m in! Besides, I can promote projects that way too; kids these days like that, gossip, and advocacies,” you end with a chuckle, before taking a fork to stab at the slice of your favorite cake.
Hinata’s smile softened, and he released a silent chuckle, just looking at you from across the table. The yellow dim light casted shadows over the curves of your face, highlighting your best features. In his eyes, you will always be a porcelain doll, fragile and precious, which he vowed to protect with his own heart even if he knows you wouldn’t accept it—accept him.
“y/n… you should smile more,” his usual energetic tone was gone. He said it so gently, sweetly, sincerely—you might as well follow his words and believe the next, “You look better when you do,” he grins at you before drinking his own more-milk-than-actual-coffee. 
He still has more things to say, and honestly, even if he was happy being with you, he couldn’t help but worry about himself. A part of him wishes that Kenma would just finally reciprocate your love, because he wasn’t sure how much longer he could have full control over his own emotions.
But the thought of that puts him in pain brought about by sadness —he surely didn’t want to lose Kenma but Hinata knows he couldn’t bear life if he was to lose you too.
The two of you spent the rest of the night chattering over your upcoming plan of creating your own little couple vlog, all the while your minds and hearts were both beginning to sway uneasily, without even knowing you two were starting to test new waters.
As you laid in bed that night, you were more preoccupied by the date and the images that flashed before you, than at the slim possibilities of Kozume Kenma being jealous.
You didn’t seem to notice that, for the first time in months, money and blood never slipped out your lips and you were able to enjoy an uninterrupted sleep.
That night, you were able to dream. But the subject of your dreams wasn’t the man you were truly dreaming for when you were awake. Even in your subconscious, Hinata Shoyou managed to infect his way through, he was like a new disease that has just started to grow. He was a disease that you peculiarly welcomed into your life, without knowing at the time that he could possibly be the cure.
Just like on that date, you keep seeing him from a timeline wherein you weren’t alive. The most confusing part was how you were still able to see you. And that you were the one talking to him. Distant memories of old, it was similar to skimming through an antique cinematic clip of a romcom—
“I’m sorry, y/n-san… I can’t,”
“Are you telling me that it’s my fault for falling for you, Shoyou?”
“But there’s already someone else,”
“And you’re loved in return?” you feel the urge to puke when Hinata Shoyou turns his back and walks away without an answer to satisfy you. It was too painful, your chest tightened, eyes red from held back tears, and soon, there were drops of blood on the floor below you, with coins following soon after.
You retch blood and coins all over your sheets, at five in the morning. This was the fifth time you’ve seen that dream turned nightmare and you didn’t know which haunted you more: was it a premonition or was it nothing but a reminder?
As the maid cleaned your sheets for you, you take note of how you’ve reverted back to vomiting nothing but a few measly coins. Perhaps you were getting better. But then, why has Kenma not told you anything that would hint you of his feelings? Was it because you were with Hinata? Was it time to finally end things with the ginger-haired man?
This is what you were aiming for… right?
Suddenly, you weren’t so sure.
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cheese cult: @akaashichigo @drainedjaz @haikkeiji @annalyn-annalyn @sosugasweet @cali-writes-sometimes @simping4ratsumu @shishinoya @ushiwakaa @akaashit-baeji @kxgeyamasmilk @agaassi ​ @hanibuni ​ @cupofkenma ​ @kawanisshi ​ @milkandc00kiez ​ @thiccbokuto ​ @shinsukestan ​ @sufiawrites ​ @wakaitoshi ​ @skyguy-peach ​ @fern-writes-ig ​ @briswriting ​ @kawaiikraykray ​ @bubbleteaa ​ @miyuswriting ​ @raevaioli ​ @ouikarwa ​ @hakueishirei ​ @pineapplekween ​ @estherwritess ​ @keiji-n ​ @achoohq ​ @badlywritten-hq ​ @mochibeaa @oinkanna ​ @chxrry-wxne ​ @spudicide ​ @airybby ​ @asranomical ​ @karmasuna ​ @nekoglasses ​
gen. taglist: @yams046 ​
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7wanderingpaws · 3 years
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Hii I enjoyed the chapter the girls are something else lol but that's them for you and baekhyun patience is outstanding cause with kids u don't wanna blow up on them you gotta have the patience with them and help them understand their wrongdoings it may take time but it will better than lashing out on them. I love how jun is so calm and how you keep writing how he's got similar features as baekhyun cause baekhyun actual baby photos are so cute 🥺I can't handle lol
Also the angst I think I can see it lol idk but baekhyun getting the car is nice it will help out with the children but i don't remember the jania girl saying oc knew about it cause I don't recall lol but I hope when he eventually tells her it won't be arugment pls. And oc going away for the two days might be what she needs cause she seemed like she's at a tipping point with the girls and now having to take care of a dog which I understand why she's upset he made a decision without her and assumed she would be okay when like she said she's the only one there that takes care of the kids most of the time and now a dog will make her feel like it's all on her to handle at once I hope mentally she'll be okay. When she said that too at the end I feel like they are gonna have a few words to say at each other like that comment really hurt baek cause the last thing he wants oc to think is that she's doing this all alone and he always tells her they're in this together but idk it feels more deeper than that seeing also how he's getting more job positions and he wants to provide for them but he doesn't want oc to think it's all on her.
If the angst is similar to this I'm not ready lol I'm enjoying everything this is so good I keep rereading till the next update lol take your time and stay healthy and safe thank u for this story ❤️
Hi my dearest! What a wonderful ask! I love, love, love your insights and opinions! 🥰
OC might as well need a break lol, it’s time for Baek to shine despite him being there whenever the time allows it. We will get an insight into her YouTube success too! ^^ her being away will also teach the girls what it is like being without their mummy who they are taking for granted a bit too much (I know they are only 4 but still)
The Jaina thing did happen, OC knows about the intentions - except they happened 4 years prior! Also - don’t fully trust Jaina! Or do! It’s up to you, Haha!!
You’re so right, Baek made the decision without her in hopes to surprise her. But for her it’s only plus job (plus edition). The fight wasn’t even a proper fight but it was angsty enough I suppose? So far there were two times when Baek didn’t add gas to the fire in the story. He knows when to stop as he doesn’t want them to argue or fight. He isn’t avoiding the conflict, he is avoiding hurtful things being said and he would hate regret something he said when it comes to OC. He promised her he wouldn’t make her cry after all 💓
However I have bad news because this is nothing compared to what is coming loool 😜 angst, heartbreak - I keep repeating myself but I mean it haha. 👀
Thank you so much, your words made me feel so warm. The fact that you take time to re-read again is incredible and I’m thankful and humbled. 💓🥰❤️ stay safe and healthy too my dear! ^^
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dunkalfredo · 6 years
Text
Mirage Springs (Home Sweet Home)
The protagonist: a young Gadget the Wolf.
The setting: a time when things were... simpler.
(Infidget, except it's that shared Old Friends AU I have with @theashemarie)
AO3 | FFN
yo yo yo what up im back at it again. I think I've only posted during- and post-war so far???? Yeah I think so. this should be somethin new for yall
warnings warn brief animal violence and also implied/referenced character death
anyways heres wonderwall be sure to like comment and subscribe to my youtube c
Gadget doesn’t dream about his father per say, but a few months out from the accident and the funeral and the beginning of it all his dreams get… unpleasant.
Always traumatic. Disaster, tragedy, bodily harm, his mother, trapped, his own self, broken and immobile. He wakes up with a prancing heart and pains in his neck, like his head was moving but there was resistance, a pillow in the way. Advil never really helps. He pretends it does.
One night, he spends all of two hours asleep, the second dreaming of a feral dog tearing a cat into two with its teeth. He hears the procession of the cat’s screeches so vividly, struggles with the molasses around his bones as he looks around at the others in the room, wondering if he should look outside, out the window at the sources of the screeches and the dying. Eventually, he does, and finds Finn, his best friend, one he hasn’t seen in person for years and only in grainy jpegs on his monitor, wrestling the wrangled parts of the cat from the bared fangs of the dog, horror pulling at his features in strange, uncomfortable shapes.
Gadget wakes up ten minutes before his alarm. He doesn’t shut it off.
It rings a few times, the peaceful, lighthearted marimbas that normally fill Gadget with destructive intent only reminding him of the hours ahead of him, hours undoubtedly to be filled with migraines and a putrid sickness in his stomach.
He stumbles down the stairs with Frankenstein feet, legs that don’t really fit him and feel short and stubby and long and gangly at the same time, legs that stick out from his body at odd angles, bones that grew too fast and in the wrong places. He sees his mom, Helen, in the kitchen, still and focused on the kitchen counter (empty) and he decides to tell her.
“We need to move.”
It’s the rain outside that sets him off. He sees it in the window behind his mother, feels it in his bones like little hammers against his marrow, chipping away bits and pieces with every impact until there’s nothing left to support his innards and his flesh. Rain, obscuring, blinding, slippery. Too wet and too slick for city tires. Too obtrusive to the eyes of a crowded interstate. Too enticing for accidents, for metal cars with disgustingly fragile bodies inside of them.
Gadget wants to get as far from the rain as possible.
Helen maintains that obsessive, hollow gaze at the counter tile, and only nods, mechanical and noncomprehensive. Gadget hums, accepting it for now and deciding that, maybe later, he’ll ask again, when she’s had food and a good night’s rest. He knows she didn’t sleep last night. Her pacing kept him up. He wanted to join her.
He didn’t, continuing to stare at his wall and eventually dreaming of rabid dogs and festering cat corpses.
-
Ultimately, it’s a matter of waiting for the house market to open and for Gadget to finish eighth grade, though perhaps not quite in that order. The where isn’t an issue, because there’s only one place that holds the familiarity they desperately need while also giving them needed, necessary space, and the “how” of the matter is settled with his father’s now liquidated assets.
So, July.
There’s the sad, forlorn, empty husk of Gadget that feels close to nothing about this, but then there’s this small, hopeful spark, created and fueled by a face he hasn’t seen properly since a distant, warm but entirely too fuzzy childhood, connected now only to a username tattooed to the back of his brain. Moving has one big, tangible perk, one that’s not centered on recovery, on death, on rain, and he didn’t realize it was there until he was halfway through listening to his mother speak with the realter on the phone.
A familiar face. A friend.
The revelation only reminds him of the loneliness, but. But. That spark shines a little brighter.
-
In May, they finalize the lease for the new homeowners and work on packing (there’s not much, and Helen has a distressing vastness to her knowledge on quick moving shortcuts; Gadget knows why and has never asked for details. Helen never gave them. It’s better that way).
Gadget’s quick to hop on his laptop as soon as he gets off packing duty, perched on the fat windowsill he used to furnish with pillows and blankets to make a makeshift couch (there’s a word for this sort of window-couch, he knows, but he can’t quite reach back in the recesses of his brain to find it, nor can he find the will or energy to care).
AIM is open and chippering happily when he opens the lid. As soon as the window pops up, he sees Finn’s gargantuan mix of x’s and numerals waiting eagerly for his return.
Gadget’s fingers fly over the keyboard. Mmmmmmmhenlo!!!! finally got the lease signed. were packing right now
He receives immediate whiplash as Finn spams a long, dark block of capital A’s.
Gadget types back, quick and a bit snippy: please don’t break ur a key ull give ur mom a scare
Finn, after hesitation and a guilt that seeps straight into the texts and out of Gadget’s monitor, responds with a single, solemn, h.
thank u, Gadget types.
They launch into quick, idle chatter after that, slowly morphing into something more thoughtful as the hours wear on until Finn sends, after a brief pause: u think ull recognize me?
Gadget’s chest collapses slightly, not quite a sigh but a hefty release of breath regardless. I mean. ive seen pictures but. I dunno
When a quiet, hesitant ‘we’ll see’ flashes across the screen, Gadget flinches, only to force his eyes closed and away from the affronting text. He breathes, in, out, shallow but to a slow count of ten.
It’s just Finn, unsure and insecure and afraid. He’s always worried, Gadget tells himself. He’s paranoid.
But there’s a brief image in his mind of himself looking out at the swarm of bodies in the airport, lugging a suitcase of clothes behind him and a ticket, punched, in his hand, with no one there to greet him.
He doesn’t know if he could handle that.
He doesn’t want to find out.
-
July. Humid in the north, but bone-dry in the south. That should’ve made it better. It didn’t.
Gadget forgot just how heavy the sun felt in Mirage Springs, and in that brief stretch between plane cabin and port entrance, he’s reminded with vivid, visceral clarity just how much he loathes the heat, even if it doesn’t stick to his neck like it did back home. At least, at home, he didn’t worry about blistered feet and heat stroke.
He tries not to take it as a bad omen, as a sign that this was a bad idea, but it sits in the pit of his stomach and grows fetid.
It doesn’t help that he aches, that his knees creak after stuck in artificial, harsh angles for so long, that his ears pop every now and then without warning because the plane was high but the mountains and trees up north were even higher.
He’s hurt, and tired, and nervous, and overall in a sour, worn mood (not helped by the long minutes spent in one security check after another), and there’s little pomp and circumstance when he’s finally out in the open with his meagre luggage behind him and plane ticket crinkled between his fingers.
Then, he sees Finn.
Or, rather, his mother Helen sees Finn, and he only sees Finn after she puts a knowing hand on Gadget’s shoulder and says, “I’ll go back for the rest of the luggage.”
And she leaves, and it’s just him, and Finn (and an entire airport, but that’s unimportant).
Gadget doesn’t know why he ever worried; Finn sticks out like a sore thumb. Not in stature, the shrinking violet he was, but definitely in the black everything and the thick, sturdy, too-hot boots and the long, long, chaos it was so long hair and really, even without all of that, his scar made him look like some rogue mercenary lost in a swarm of unfittingly normal people, loose from the trail of his target and aimless in his search for a way back on.
There’s no warning before Gadget is, in every sense of the word, swept off his feet.
“You’re back!” Finn booms with every ounce of air in his lungs, voice cracking like an egg on a floor but pitch reaching an unnerving deepness for a teen his age. Gadget’s overwhelmed, with all the earth-shaking timber of Finn’s voice roaring right next to his ear and the room spinning around him and the lack of ground under his feet and, wait, no ground, wait…
Gadget’s placed firmly on his feet mere seconds after the hug-and-spin that was needlessly thrust upon him (though he’d later reflect that, perhaps in other circumstances, maybe he would actually enjoy it, just a little), and his first words are not heartfelt, or gentle, but just as booming as Finn and with alarming distress: “You’re tall!”
This is just about shouted into Finn’s chest (Gadget is still being hugged (and is hugging back, undeniably)) and Finn only knows he said anything over the rumble of the surrounding airport because of the vibrations Gadget’s creaking tenor voice leaves in his chest (proximity, not power).
Finn pulls back, troubled by the tone and not sure what to make of it, simply responding with a dazed, panicked, “Yeah?” that cracks at the end.
His panic is furthered, if only for a moment, by Gadget’s subsequent movements of hand comparison, that funny maneuver where the hand, palm down, is dragged from the top of one’s head straight across to the other person, and Gadget lets out a distraught squeak when his hand bumps against the center of Finn’s sternum.
“What?!” This is Gadget speaking, or rather borderline hollering, as he stares exasperated at Finn. Then, just like that, he deflates. His head hangs. It’s a pity party for one.
Finn stands there, completely dumbfounded, watching his friend stew in his own misery, then walking forward to pat his back with the finesse expected from a young, awkward teenage boy. “There, there,” Finn soothes.
He receives a small, saddened whimper in response.
Later, when Gadget’s home and nestled in a neat corner of his bare room, it dawns on him that Finn’s boots had heels. His ears pop again.
B L E A S E reblog i beg of u my crops are dying
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thepropertylovers · 7 years
Text
Feature Friday with Sean Abrams
Happy Friday! It officially feels like fall here in Tennessee which always puts us in the best moods ever. Are you the same way? Do you find yourself smiling a lot more when you see leaves falling all around and landing on the sidewalks? This time of year is always our favorite and the most magical. Well, besides Christmas, of course. 
Today's Feature Friday is a New York native and you know our feelings about NY. *Swoon*. He works in editorial so naturally, Sean is a good writer, and we think his honest answers are fearless and absolutely refreshing. Also, he's hilarious. Like, we actually LOL'd a few times. We had a lot of fun reading his responses and we think you will, too. Take a look below to see what we mean...
Where are you from? Brooklyn, NY
Where do you live? Astoria, NY
What’s your Instagram handle? @seanybrams
Age? 25
Relationship Status? Very, very single
What is something you think people should know about you? This little white, freckly Jewish boy can bust a move! A strange turn of events led me to join my dance company in college, and I've somehow managed to stick with it ever since. A passion for watching YouTube videos turned into the real thing, and it's been a central part of my life for a while. A large portion of my friends are from my current company, DanceWorksNYC, and being able to perform on stage and feel the crowd's reaction after a show is one of the best feelings in the entire world. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Choose a song for the story of your life: This landed on my "Time Capsule" Spotify playlist recently, so I'm going to go with "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. Thinking back, I was prone to hang on to the idea of "what if" and what could've been. Basically, I was a glutton for punishment. Now, I've come to realize that I need to do what's best for myself, shaking off all that negative energy and removing people from my life that don't have my best intentions at heart. My girl Kelly says it all for me.
What is one thing you would tell your younger self right now? To grow a pair. I've always been a bit insecure, and I'm not sure if it's because I was dealing with my sexuality, but it had me acting as follower. I always aimed to please, without acknowledging that it was never for my benefit. At this point in my life, I'd want to tell my younger self to stand up for yourself. It's alright to stand tall, speak your mind, and not worry about what other people think. You're a pretty cool dude, and even if it takes a while to realize that, you'll get there.
How would you describe your home décor style? Warm. Cozy. Anything that is inviting and makes you want to stay there. I've been in my own apartment for the past 3 years, and while it's not always the cleanest (courtesy of my two straight male roommates), I try to make it seem welcoming. Decorating for the holidays, or something as small as using candles or things like that, can make a huge difference for me.
Any big plans for the future? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? 10 years is a lonnnnnng way off for me, but ideally, I'd be married... Chris Evans, I'm looking at you. I work in editorial, so I'd like to be high up in the business somewhere, whether situated at a big publication or something that has me interviewing celebrities and A-list talent. I also just got back from my first overseas trip, with a trip to Ireland booked for 2018, so I foresee a lot more travel in the future, for sure.
 Tell us your favorite quote and why: "So it goes." It's from "Slaughterhouse Five" by Kurt Vonnegut. I got it tattooed on my wrist a while back. To me, it just means "fuck it." Things happen, life can be really shitty sometimes, but there's nothing you can do. You can drag yourself and keep your head down, or you can pick yourself up and move on, and make something good out of what you have left. There's no point in wallowing in self pity. So it goes.
 What is one thing still left on your bucket list? Fall in love. Extremely cheesy, I know, but it just hasn't happened for me yet. I've gotten pretty close, but I've never been with someone that felt like it would really ever get to that feeling of absolute, totally crazy in love. I've never had a boyfriend either, and I'm in pursuit of something real at this point in my life. It's about damn time.
 How old were you when you came out and what was your experience like? I came out officially at 23. A few college friends knew of me fooling around with guys back when I was around 21, telling them I was bisexual, but it was in 2015 that I came out of the closet for real. I remember feeling like I was going to vomit, pacing around my room for what felt like an eternity. Only my mom was home at the time, and I came out of my room, telling her I was heading up to SUNY Oneonta (where I went to college) for the weekend. I had found myself hooking up with a friend who was a year younger (and in the closet), repeatedly going up to visit him at least once a month. Naturally, my mom was curious why I made so many trips, and I decided to tell her the real reason. Her reaction was exactly as I expected: She asked why I hadn't told her sooner, that she already knew, and she loved me no matter what. She asked if I wanted to tell my dad or if she could, with me telling her I'd like to do it. Naturally, she told him... and the rest of my immediate family. Their reactions were all very similar, and I'm extremely thankful for how accepting everyone was to my coming out.
 Have you faced any backlash or hardships since coming out? I haven't felt any backlash necessarily, but I feel like it did take me a while to immerse myself in gay culture and find a comfortable place in the gay community. I've always considered myself a late bloomer in terms of coming out, kind of putting up a front and slightly frowning upon things I actually was eager to take part in. I also never really found myself with a lot of gay friends, others who had direct, very similar interests to my own. Over the last few years, I've really put in an effort to change that and truly embrace who I am and everything the LGBT culture has to offer. I've got to say, it's pretty great to be gay.
Who is your inspiration (either fictional or real) and who do you look up to the most? I'm really inspired by men in the media who've come out publicly. People I can relate to, like Colton Haynes, really inspire me to speak out and be proud of who I am. Everyone's situation is unique, but I can only imagine what is going through your mind when you're in the public eye like that. I had the opportunity to meet Gus Kenworthy, the Olympic athlete who came out publicly on ESPN Magazine, and it was probably the best interview I've ever done. I'd just come out only a few months before, and it was the first real conversation I felt like I was having. He got it. He understood. He related to every single thing I'd gone through. It was surreal to be sitting across from someone like him, and it's something I'll never forget. He was just a normal guy. Albeit, he's also insanely good looking, but he's also just a normal guy who happens to be gay. I can bet what he did has helped so many others bust out of the closet too. It's people like Gus and Colton, among so many others, that inspire me.
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marnz · 7 years
Note
hey random question and don't feel obligated to answer, but as someone who is chronically ill and gets stressed out when reading the news about politics in america, do you have any good suggestions on how to cope? I don't want to give up reading the news and being informed but at the same time it definitely takes a toll. thanks!
hi anon. first off, i wish i could give you a hug (if you like hugs). today has been very hard for people like you & i
here are some strategies i use:
news collecting methods! i listen to a funny, mostly upbeat biweekly political podcast (Pod Save America) and follow about 75 journalists on twitter (which tbh i don’t recommend).
podcasts! podcasts are nice because the hosts can explain what’s going on in a way that’s easier to understand and a bit more calming than the dry tones of washington post & the new york times or the dire RED ALERT RED ALERT feel of twitter
read articles that summarize everything. Vox.com does this great “The Most Important Stories of the Week, Explained” feature every sunday or so that summarizes what has been going on
ask a friend need to take a break from everything news related? ask your friend to keep you updated with any Major developments and otherwise chill out
set a time limit! my partner & i have an agreement that we won’t talk about politics after 7:30 pm. we don’t see each other from like 5:30 am - 6:00 pm so that gives us an hour and a half to discuss anything major political, and then we shut up. 
practice self care:
get enough sleep. drink enough water. eat enough food. sleep is a natural mood stabilizer and you will be better able to handle any kind of stress if you’re doing these important things. if i don’t get enough sleep my physical and mental health goes out the window so fucking fast. if you can’t sleep because you are too worried, i’d take a time out from any and all news for like 48 hours.
go to therapy? great, talk to your therapist about coping methods. deep breathing (like biofeedback), meditation, mindfulness, exercise - these things get suggested so often for a reason. they can really help some people hang in there.
religious or spiritual? pray for guidance, serenity, and whatever else you need
if you’re able to (and like...we are both chronically ill. so i understand if you can’t), do something that nourishes your soul. get out into nature (or watch nature videos on youtube, whatever you can do). look at art or listen to amazing music. 
DISTRACT YOURSELF! scared? read your favorite story. stressed? watch your favorite sitcom. sad? listen to your favorite song. distraction can be used positively
if you’re the creative type, try to write or paint or draw or sing. 1) creating can be cathartic 2) creating can be a great distraction/coping mechanism 3) creating can give you some control over something
if you’re able to (no prob if u aren’t), do something like cleaning or gardening or folding & putting away laundry or unloading the dishwasher in order to feel accomplished and in control. maybe you can only clean for 5 min. that’s ok! 
social:
connect with your friends and community so you don’t have to do this alone. talking about the news w/ people you love and trust can really help
remind yourself positive stuff is getting done. i just followed ADAPT (disabled activist group) on facebook and i don’t feel quite as hopeless as before. disabled people are fighters, always have been, and there are people out there protesting for ppl who can’t
get involved in a lowkey way, like calling your reps or faxing them. you can do it like twice a week and then not think about it the rest of the time. do what you can.
misc:
it’s okay to cry. it’s okay to be sad and to have a melt down. crying is a coping strategy for our body to release very powerful emotion. it’s a built in coping mechanism. if you let yourself have a bit of a melt down you might feel better. (also crying is good for ur skin)
pet a dog or a cat. you will feel better.
my happy tag is at your disposal. so is my dog tag, cat tag, animal friendship tag, and horse tag :)
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