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navybrat817 · 5 months

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Resignation

Pairing: Sugar Daddy!Andy Barber x Female Reader Summary: You get to know Andy a bit more and put in your notice, but your boss doesn't it take it well. Word Count: Almost 4.4k Warnings: Slow burn, getting to know each other, sugar daddy contraction, tension, flirting, slight insecurities, inner monologue, yelling (apologies to anyone named Sean), Andy Barber (he's a warning, okay?) Graphic talent and thanks: Banner - @sgt-seabass, Divider - @firefly-graphics, Header - yours truly Previous Part: Sign the Dotted Line A/N: Welcome back to my Terms and Conditions AU! Hope you lovelies enjoy. Beta read by the lovely @whisperlullaby but any and all mistakes are my own. ❤️ Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

The feeling of floating on cloud nine wasn't something you experienced much in your life. There were high points, of course, but nothing like the elation that filled you as Andy went to make a copy of the contract. It was almost dizzying to think that for the next three quarters of a year, everything was going to be okay. Better than okay.

All thanks to Andy.

Estelle shrieked as she pulled you to your feet. “You're a sugar baby! You're a sugar baby!” she sang, making you laugh as she did a little dance with it.

“I thought you said I was going to be his ‘companion’,” you teased.

She leveled you with a look. “It’s the same thing,” she said, grabbing her bag. “And since your new ‘companion’ is taking you to the diner, why don’t we celebrate tomorrow? You better give me all the details.”

You giggled again at the implication as she squeezed you in a tight hug. If you weren’t happy before, you would've been thanks to her infectious attitude. “You sure don’t need me to head down with you?”

“No, I’m good. You just enjoy the rest of the day,” she said, winking at you and pointing at Andy when he came back. “Have fun and be good to her or I’ll destroy you,” she told him as she walked by with every ounce of confidence you wished you had. “And nice meeting you!”

You half expected there to be an air of awkwardness once the two of you were left alone and were surprised not to feel it at all. It was hard to describe the atmosphere outside of that, but it was something both familiar and new. Maybe that was because Andy continued to put you at ease all while exciting you. The next chapter of your time would be unpredictable in ways that you were looking forward to encountering.

Did he feel the same way?

Andy chuckled after a moment, the sound bringing a smile back to your face as he held up the papers in his hand. “I realize this is probably a bit outdated since everything is done electronically, but I prefer it this way.”

“I don't think it’s outdated,” you assured him as he handed you the contract, his fingers brushing yours. Would you ever get used to the jolt of electricity you felt at his touch? “It’s less of a chance of it getting leaked.”

Though it was you he worried about, you still wanted to protect his reputation.

“Yes, it is,” he said, smiling to himself when you tucked the papers carefully in your folder. “Estelle is serious, isn’t she? She’ll destroy me if I hurt you?”

“Oh, yeah. She isn’t afraid of anyone,” you said as you shifted slightly on your feet. “But I wouldn't worry about her. I don't expect you to hurt me.”

He had to know that.

Andy took a step closer. “She’s a good person to have on your side,” he commented, butterflies fluttering in your stomach at the soft look in his eyes. “And I have no intention of hurting you.”

You carefully considered his words with furrowed brows. “Aren't you supposed to say you promise not to hurt me?”

A sad smile touched his lips. “People make promises and usually do so for the right reasons, but they don't always lead to the desired outcome,” he replied as if he peeled back a small layer of himself that still left you with questions. “Take the weeklong silence, for example. I inadvertently hurt you by not reaching out.”

Your cheeks flamed, almost wishing you hadn't mentioned it. “But we talked about that. You didn't mean anything by it.”

“Yes, we did talk about it and I'm glad you told me how you felt. I still caused doubt in your mind though,” he said, his tone gentle and understanding without breaking eye contact. “So while I do want to promise that I’ll never hurt you, I'd rather promise that I have no intention of ever hurting you. Because I don't.”

It took a moment to recall that Andy was married once years ago. While you weren't sure why things ended, did his divorce give him a new perspective on making and keeping promises? Or was it his time as a lawyer?

Whatever the reason you had to respect him for his outlook.

“I appreciate that and I will hold you to that,” you said, falling in step beside him as you headed for the door.

He raised an eyebrow as he held it open for you to go through, allowing you to catch the scent of his cologne again as you walked past. You almost asked what brand it was just so you could get a bottle and spritz your worn in sweatshirts. “Isn't this the part where you promise you have no intention of hurting me?” He questioned.

“I don't think I have the power to hurt you,” you replied, not looking behind you as you headed toward the elevator. You were positive you didn't have that kind of influence nor did you want to hurt him. “But I promise that I have no intention to do so.”

You froze when he leaned in close, his beard ticking your ear and it took all of your inner strength not to turn your head toward him. “Never underestimate how powerful you are, honey,” he whispered, your breath rushing out of your lungs as he stepped back and gestured to the open elevator doors. “Shall we?”

“Sure,” you replied, your voice more breathy than you intended as you stepped inside. You swore you caught him smiling before he joined you.

“I gave my driver the afternoon off, so you’re stuck with me,” he said, pressing the button for the lowest level before the doors slid shut. “I hope that’s okay.”

“I think I can handle you driving,” you teased, happy that the two of you would be alone for part of the evening.

He chuckled before he went quiet again. The silence was comfortable, the soft dings as you passed each floor the only sound in the space. It gave you a moment to admire the man beside you. With his perfect posture, chin held high, and pristine suit, you tried to picture how he looked when he simply relaxed. No eyes on him. No one expecting anything from him.

Maybe he can show me that side of himself sometime soon.

“You’re staring,” he stated.

You smiled, not at all embarrassed that he caught you without looking your way. “I guess it’s because I’m still trying to figure you out.”

That and he was still one of the most handsome men you had ever seen.

But who was Andy Barber beyond his money? Your hero and your second chance at a better life, but what else? What did he do for fun? What did he want out of life, years from now?

Andy swung his head toward you as the elevator came to a stop. “I guess that makes two of us then.”

You found yourself in his car a few minutes later. The Audi still had that “new car” smell to it, the passenger seat sleek and not at all broken in. There wasn’t a spec of dust on the leather interior. Either he didn’t drive it often or he made sure to keep it in next to perfect condition.

Your mind drifted back to Andy’s earlier statement. What exactly was he trying to figure out? If he meant that he was trying to figure you out, he didn’t have to look too deeply. And if he was still trying to figure himself out, that was normal. Searching for your true self was a lifelong journey. And with your newfound sense of freedom at your fingertips, you’d be able to explore your own passions and visualize your ideal self.

But part of you figuring Andy out was getting to know him.

“Why the diner?” You asked, glancing over at him as he concentrated on the road in front of him. “I mean, why go there for coffee or food when you can go anywhere else?”

Maybe upscale places weren’t his usual style. He took you to the Courthouse and looked at ease there, but maybe the diner was an escape. Something different.

“I didn’t grow up with much, but my mom made it work as best as she could,” he admitted, a wistful note in his voice. “We never went hungry and she got creative with some meals so I wouldn’t get tired of eating the same thing. Things like fast food were considered a treat and diners were fine dining.”

You shifted in your seat as you listened, touched by the unexpected vulnerability. “I’ll bet she looked forward to those moments,” you said.

“She did and so did I,” he smiled over at you. “On the rare nights when she was able to save up and take us to a diner, she got a large breakfast or dinner meal for us to split. Best way to stretch her dollar and make sure neither of us felt hungry after.”

You almost reached over to take his hand, but you didn’t want to overstep. He was giving you a piece of himself by revealing a part of his past. That was more than you could ask for.

“I went to diners in college, too, when I was struggling to make ends meet,” he continued, stroking his beard for a moment. “I guess they kind of stuck with me because they reminded me of happier times. They also serve as a reminder to be thankful for what I have. It’s important to remember who I was then and who I am now.”

You let out a breath and closed your eyes as he turned onto the next street, wishing you could thank his mother for raising such an amazing man. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

His hand covered yours unexpectedly when your eyes opened. “Thank you for asking.”

You turned your wrist so your palm met his, your stomach flipping as he held it a little tighter. Opening up was never easy, even if Andy made it sound effortless. You felt closer to him after hearing that important piece of his history. Even the crackle of electricity felt different this time. Instead of a jolt, it was like a steady hum.

Maybe that closeness was the reason you didn’t want to let go when he parked his car in front of the diner.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

You swallowed as you glanced out the window, the flashing lights from the sign of the beckoning for you to go in. “I just can't believe I'm actually going to quit,” you said, clutching your bag with your other hand. “I mean, I do believe it. I have my resignation letter here and everything.”

“Even when you had that bit of doubt that the contract wouldn't go through, you had your letter ready,” he smiled.

You toyed with the strap of your bag as you tried to hide your smile. “I guess I did.”

Preparation never hurt anyone.

“But if you’d rather hold off until tomorrow, I understand. I can even drive you back here if you want to wait,” he offered.

For a moment, you questioned if you should wait. As you bit your lip to fight your smile more and squeezed Andy’s hand, you made your decision. You signed the contract. You were more than ready.

Most of all, you deserved to start your path to a better future.

“I’m ready,” you assured him, reluctantly releasing his hand before you unbuckled your seatbelt. “Are you going in or did you want to wait here?”

“I’ll grab a coffee while I wait,” he said, stopping you as you reached for your door handle. “Allow me.”

You smiled to yourself as he went around to let you out. “Are you always a gentleman?”

“Not always,” he said without missing a beat, winking as you joined him on the sidewalk.

You licked your lips and gazed into his bright blue eyes. Could he see the want in yours? What would it take to make him lose control?

“I’m looking forward to seeing that side of you, Mr. Barber,” you smiled, brushing past him as he inhaled.

But first things first.

The bell rang as you walked inside and you paused to take it all in. Taking Andy’s earlier story to heart, you wouldn’t allow yourself to forget that this diner was part of your story. It not only led him to you, but also kept you from becoming homeless. It was a blessing.

“Hey,” Casey, one of the veteran servers, nodded to you from behind the counter before she looked over your outfit. She seemed to forget all about you as Andy as he walked in behind you. You didn't blame her. “Hi there. Sit anywhere you’d like.”

Andy put his hand on your lower back before he leaned in, your breath hitching slightly. “Good luck, honey,” he whispered, releasing you as Casey gawked in your direction. “I’ll just have a coffee, please,” he said as he took a seat at the counter.

The usual warmth Andy exuded was down a notch. Still friendly, but different. Or maybe you were just telling yourself that in order to feel special. “Is Sean here?”

“Yep. In the office,” Casey answered, pouring Andy a fresh cup of coffee. “Just got here.”

“I’ll be right back,” you told Andy, feeling his eyes on you as you headed through the employee only doors.

Sean had his head buried in some paperwork as he grumbled to himself. With a deep breath, you knocked on the open door. He didn't speak to you much outside of your shifts and hardly praised you for a job well done, but he wasn't a bad boss. You felt bad disturbing him, but it was now or never.

“Hi. May I come in?” You asked as he looked up.

“Yeah. Don't shut the door though. Lock’s broken,” he said, nodding to the chair in front of his desk. “Didn’t expect to see you today. What are you all dressed up for?”

“Oh, I had a meeting,” you answered, which wasn’t a lie. You did meet with Andy. “That’s actually what I needed to talk to you about.”

“A meeting?” He repeated with a frown. “Don’t tell me you’re quitting.”

Your stomach began to twist in knots. The last thing you wanted to do was disappoint your boss, even if he wouldn’t be that for much longer. Being a waitress also wasn’t your dream job, but it helped you when you needed it.

Now you have to help yourself.

“Yes, I am. I’m putting in my two weeks notice,” you said quietly, taking the letter out of your bag and placing it on the desk when he stared impassively. “I found another opportunity and I’m going to take it, but I’m happy to take any shifts I can over the next two weeks to help.”

Sean didn’t speak for a moment as he drummed his fingers on the desk. “Two weeks? No, that's not gonna work. We’re short as it is,” he said, shoving the paper away before he leaned back in his chair. Was he serious? “You're gonna have to make it four weeks and then we'll revisit after that to see if we need you to stay on longer.”

“No. I'm giving you two weeks,” you reiterated, your tone unwavering. You wouldn’t let Sean bully you into staying longer, even as guilt crept up since the place was short-staffed. “That's standard and I can't do more than that. I'm sorry.”

“Oh, no. I'm still in charge and you'll give me four weeks. That’s final,” he argued, waving his hand dismissively as you shrank a bit in your chair. “Unless you have anything else to add, I’ll see you next shift.”

You clasped your hands in your lap to keep from shaking. You didn't expect him to react this way. “No, that’s not final. I can't give you four weeks,” you said as calmly as possible, even as you began to feel more uncomfortable. “I would if I could, but I can't. I’m sorry.”

“Can't or won't?” Sean asked, almost making you jump as he raised his voice. “Listen here, you've been a solid employee and I'm not going to lose you in two weeks or four weeks. Do you understand? And if you don't show up you can forget about ever getting a good recommendation from me. Might as well kiss that ‘opportunity’ of yours goodbye.”

Your eyes burned as your mind flashed back to when you were told you were laid off from your previous job, the compassionate tone of your old boss the opposite of the man in front of you. The situations were different, but both made you feel so small. Especially since Sean was essentially threatening your future endeavors. You refused to cry though.

He wouldn’t witness your tears.

You cleared your throat and maintained your resolve. “Two weeks, Sean. That’s it. I said I’m willing to work as many shifts as I can over the next two weeks, but I can't do more than that. I won’t,” you firmly spoke as his eyes widened. “I really don't want to end this on a bad note, please.”

He pushed himself to his feet as he thrust a finger toward your face as if it would somehow make him appear intimidating to tower over you. It wouldn’t sway you. “Listen here, you little-”

“Is everything okay?”

Andy’s voice made both of you jump as you spun in your chair. He stood in the doorway but didn’t look your way. He trained his gaze on your boss, his normally bright eyes narrow and cold.

Your boss must’ve felt malice in that stare since he sat down immediately. “Oh. Mr. Barber,” he said. Did he know him as a regular customer or merely recognize his status? “It’s just an issue with an employee. This doesn’t concern you.”

“There is no issue,” you corrected him.

“Actually, she’s with me, so it does concern me,” Andy spoke as he took a step into the office, staring your boss down with a clenched jaw. The space no longer felt like Sean’s. It was as if Andy owned it along with everything in it. “If you want to raise your voice at someone, I’m right here. You won’t speak to her that way though. Do you understand?”

The deep timbre almost knocked the air out of your lungs, your heart pounding from Andy defending you.

Sean coughed a bit as color filled his cheeks. He should be embarrassed. “I didn’t realize she was with you. I wouldn’t have…” he trailed off.

Your blood simmered. He wouldn’t have raised his voice at you if he knew you were with Andy. Was this a taste of what things were going to be like? How people were going to treat you moving forward?

“Who she’s with shouldn’t matter. Not to mention, your customers and employees could hear you since your door was open,” Andy added, disappointment thickly laced in his voice. “You said she was a solid employee. Why would you speak to her like that?”

Sean’s eyes flickered to you as you waited for an answer. “We’ve been short-staffed and I’ve been stressing over it. That’s no excuse. I'm sorry,” he said to Andy, making your blood go from simmering to boiling. A customer, a powerful man, got the apology, but not you. “Won’t happen again.”

“Maybe remind yourself to be kind to the people who work for you before you raise your voice again. They’re the ones who keep your business running,” Andy said.

With a hang of his head, your boss sighed. “Two weeks, huh?” He asked, the wind completely out of his sails as you nodded. “Okay. Two weeks it is.”

“Thanks,” you whispered before Andy walked over and held out his hand to help you to your feet. Luckily, you didn’t tremble as you took it and gave it a small squeeze. It was nice that he was on your side.

“And one more thing?” Andy added as Sean glanced up. “I’m not the one you should apologize to.”

You held up your other hand when Sean looked your way and opened his mouth. “No. The only reason you’re going to say you’re sorry is because he’s here,” you stated, looking at Andy momentarily. He responded with an encouraging smile. “And I don’t want an empty apology. You can keep it.”

It was nice that Andy wanted an apology on your behalf, but it wouldn't feel believable.

Sean’s face fell, but he didn’t argue. Up until today, he treated you decently. The pressures of running a business were tough, but he had no reason to take it out on you. At the same time, you felt bad for him.

“But thank you, Sean. You gave me a job when I needed one and I won’t forget that,” you added gently. “I’ll see you next shift.”

“Why don't I meet you outside? I just want one more quick word with your boss,” Andy said as Sean audibly swallowed.

Uh-oh.

“Sure,” you said, the knots in your gut unraveling as you left the two of them alone.

You exhaled as you walked back into the dining area, avoiding the gazes from a few of the customers. Your hand shook as you gave Casey a small wave. At least she didn’t look upset with you.

“Quitting, huh? Lucky duck,” she smiled sadly. “You okay? He had no right speaking to you like that.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you nodded, taking another breath. You didn't like anyone raising their voice at you, but you wouldn't allow yourself to dwell on it and didn’t need her to worry. All you could do was make the transition as smooth as possible over the next two weeks. “Didn't expect that kind of reaction. Didn’t expect anyone out here to hear it.”

“Sean’s voice carries and he’s probably just pissed that he’s losing another good one while he’s stuck here,” she guessed, glancing over her shoulder before she added in a whisper, “Oh, and that guy you’re with? He looked furious when he heard him.”

“He did?” You asked, an almost goofy smile appearing on your face.

“Yeah, he did. He had fire in his eyes. Put a bill down, got to his feet, and immediately walked back there. And I wasn’t about to stop him,” she said, her smile widening as she leaned on the counter. “I’d say he’s smitten.”

Your heart skipped a beat. First Estelle, now Casey. Though the latter had no clue about the arrangement. “He’s really something, isn't he?”

“Oh, yeah,” Casey said, straightening up when the employee door swung open.

Andy’s eyes landed on you as he walked through, his eyes soft again as he held out his hand. He also looked pleased with himself. “Ready?”

“Ready,” you said, taking it as you gave Casey a nod. “I’ll see you soon. Hope the rest of your shift is okay.”

“Me, too. See ya,” she said before she went back to assisting other customers.

“You okay?” Andy asked softly as he led you outside.

“I’m fine,” you promised, not wanting him to worry either or get upset. “But what did you say to Sean?”

“Nothing for you to worry about,” he answered, shaking his head. “Listen, I’m sorry if I overstepped by intervening. I just couldn’t let him talk to you like that.”

He easily deflected your question and you decided to let him have that victory for now.

You went in for a hug but kept space for him to breathe. He wrapped his arms tightly around you before you could pull away, your body melting into his. The bustling city around you faded as you focused on the warmth of his firm body. It made you forget all about Sean’s reaction.

“I’m glad you did,” you said, stepping back with a tiny smile. It meant the world that he defended you. “I tried to hold my own.”

“You did. You could've snapped back or walked out, but you didn't. That’s commendable and powerful,” he assured you, his gaze serious. “But I don't care if it’s your boss or a stranger or your best friend, I’m not about to let someone take their frustrations out on you.”

Warmth settled in your chest. You learned something else about Andy today: He truly wouldn't tolerate anyone disrespecting you. He continued to prove that he was a man of his word.

You also experienced firsthand how things worked in his world, how people would bend toward his will. If it was a test, you wouldn’t say you failed since you stood up for yourself. It wouldn’t always be that easy. Whether someone questioned your motives or place with Andy or not, you had to learn to grow a thick skin. Not just for your own benefit, but Andy’s, too.

He needed someone strong by his side.

“Thank you, Andy.”

“And, listen, if you don’t want to work those shifts or if he gives you a hard time-”

“I’ll be fine,” you promised. You doubted Sean would make it a hostile work environment, but you could handle it if there were any issues. “But I think I’d like to go home now.”

Andy blinked and gave you a single nod. “Sure. If that’s what you want.”

Is he disappointed at the thought of me ending the day right now?

You smiled as you tugged him in the direction of his car. “I’d also like you to see my place,” you said, his eyebrows shooting up. It surprised you that you offered, too. “It isn't much, but it’s comfortable. Maybe we can order takeout?”

It wasn’t exactly the ideal way to celebrate, but he shared a piece of himself on the drive over. The least you could do was let him see your apartment. And who knew where the evening would take you?

“Only if you’ll let me pay,” he smiled.

“You're not going to let me pay for anything, are you?” You smiled back.

“Not if I can help it,” he replied, opening the car door. “Let's get you home, honey.”

We all need a man like Andy. And what's going to happen at the apartment? Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Andy Barber Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

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phantasyreign · 5 months

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Theme 15: Shilin

A project that I have been working on since 2022 and my latest and final gift to my fellow followers, featuring my all time favorite artist - @okolnir

I dedicate this theme to my respondents who requested for a RP theme. This theme is suitable for RPers, writers, comic artists (hopefully) and any other general bloggers. It's very versatile - you can make this as complex as you want or even as simple as you want.

[Static Preview 01] [Static Preview 02][Guideline] [Install]

Full Features

Responsive

Has Full-sized Header [optional]

Has a mun section

Has Affiliates Section - 6 slots [optional]

Has Muses Section - 5 slots [optional] which consists of Basics, Tags [Optional], Verses [optional], Connections [optional], extra [optional]

Unlimited links

To see its full features, click the first preview.

Notes

Terms and Conditions apply.

There’s no need for you to go through the code as everything that you need to key-in shall be provided via the Theme Options.

Please go through the guideline first.

I am neither affiliated with Shilin in any way nor obtaining any financial benefit out from this theme.

You can also consider answering this survey of mine relating to theme selection as a way of supporting me in my theme making.

This is my final theme and a gift for everyone.

#blog #tumblr theme #tumblr themes #theme hunter #themesbyphantasyreign #shilin #carciphona #amongst us shilin

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garniers · 3 months

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THE GARDEN: ALL-IN-ONE THEME PACK

[ live preview ✴ $13 on payhip ] Happy Early Valentine's! I created this theme for personal use, originally, and after some consideration (and motivation from one of my closest friends, Aurelia, dearest) I decided to transform it into a roleplay theme pack. I wanted to switch things up, however, and that's how I came up with the idea of adding built-in side pages to this theme pack instead of separate pages.

I love seeing how you guys make my themes your own, and I'm always taking notes of what I can change and improve based on your feedback. I couldn't help but notice the majority of RPGs that use my codes choose to create their own navigations, and similar pages, in the main theme—perhaps because it's easier to customize. So I decided to oblige by making built-in pages. All you have to do is copy, paste, add your own information, et voila! You're ready to go! Everything inside the pack is very straightforward—another goal for this year, cut my rambling in half—but if you have any questions my DMs are open.

Hope you enjoy, and Happy Early Valentine's.

Package Features

Main Theme (details below!)

Header + 3 Header Updates

Sidebar Introduction Section (banner, icon, and description)

3 Event Highlights (+ links)

3 Progress Bars (applications, plot progress, etc.)

4 Mosaic Spots (meet the admins)

Most Wanted Characters (12 spots)

5 Navigation Links

3 Built-in Pages (details below!)

Navigation

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Application

Graphic Templates (PSDs)

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Please do not redistribute / claim as your own

Please do not remove credit

[ Check my Terms Of Service for more information ]

#rpc #rph #rp theme #main theme #premium theme #**premiumgarniers #**codesbygarniers

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anna-scribbles · 1 year

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sketch commissions!

I WILL draw:

OC’s/sonas

Fan art

Real people

Fic/story covers

Cards/gifts

Animals

Light blood/injury

Icons/headers

I will NOT draw:

Furries

NSFW

Gore

Anything I’m uncomfortable with

Pricing (USD):

Sketch: Bust $10, Half $17, Full body $25

Full color: Bust $17, Half $25, Full body $40

Before ordering, please read through my updated terms and conditions.

All orders are made through my commissions google form!

If you have any questions about pricing, the ordering process, or anything else please message me here on tumblr @anna-scribbles or email me at [email protected].

#commissions #commission info #artists on tumblr #my art #hi babes I need money for textbooks and gas <33 #lmk if you want a commission!#also I realized that i don't have to do lineart if I dont want. so im not doing it #no one come at me for the furries thing again. chat noir does not count we've been over this

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saiyanprincessswanie · 4 months

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SaiyanPrincessSwanie Reading List Week 177 & 178

Welcome to Weeks 177 & 178

A/N: Happy Holidays everyone! Here’s my last list of 2023. Thank you again to those who gave me recommendations for fanfics. 💜 This week had me reading 50 fics. Absolutely amazing stuff here.

As always these will be listed in no particular order. None of these stories are mine. I’m just signal-boosting them. The author is listed next to the title. My goal is to signal boost writers and spread positivity in the community. 💜💜

Click HERE to see what I will or won’t read. This is very important.

Click HERE for past reading lists.

For my Masterlist click HERE

Please make sure you’re reading the warnings on every story. They range from dark to fluff. Do Not Read if you are under 18 years old. These stories are meant for adults only. You’re responsible for your own media consumption.

Page-break by @whimsicalrogers

Header by @fictional-affairs

If you can, please reblog these lists so they can reach more people on Tumblr.

I love you 3000 💜 Missy

A Christmas to Remember - (Bucky x Reader) - @saiyanprincessswanie

Curtis and Honey Autumn This or That - Cute Mugs - @sweater-daddiesdumbdork

Curtis and Honey Autumn This or That - Thrift Shop - @sweater-daddiesdumbdork

Check Yes or No - (Bucky x Reader) - @navybrat817

Kiss Me If You Can || Part 3 - (Bucky x Reader) - @deliciousangelfestival

Terms and Conditions - Resignation - (Andy x Reader) - @navybrat817

Second Shot - Chp 3 - (Andy x Reader) - @drabblewithfrannybarnes

Intrusion in the Dark - (Jake x Reader) - @peyton-warren

I'm All Yours - (Ransom x Reader) - @deliciousangelfestival

A Butterfly Will Fly - (Andy x Reader) - @flordeamatista

You're not my type - @nekoannie-chan

Fired - (Steve x Reader) @/nekoannie-chan

The perfect trap part I - @/nekoannie-chan

Misunderstood instructions - (Steve x Reader) - @/nekoannie-chan

Just throw it - (Brock x Reader) - @/nekoannie-chan

All Days (Steve's ending) - @holylulusworld

Trustfall - (Andy x Reader) - @holylulusworld

Easy as Pie - (Andy x Reader) - @navybrat817

Within You - (Bucky x Reader) - @navybrat817

Hold Me Down - (Bucky x Reader) - @flordeamatista

Kiss it better - @late-to-the-party-81

Peaches - (Lee x Reader) - @tumblin-theworldaway

Perverse Desires - (Bucky x Reader) - @sebstanwhore

Steve Drabble - @stargazingfangirl18

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Double? - @/nekoannie-chan

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Snowfall - (Bucky x Reader) - @navybrat817

Understanding - (Bucky x Reader) - @lunarbuck

Day 18: Sex Pollen - (Bucky x Reader) - @myfictionaldreams

Gag Gift - (Steve x Reader) - @tuiccim

Gag Gift Part 2 - (Steve x Reader) - @tuiccim

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#saiyanprincessswanie #recommended reading #missy reads #missy reblogs #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #curtis everett x reader #andy barber x reader #jake jensen x reader #ransom drysdale x reader #brock rumlow x reader #lee bodecker x reader #lloyd hansen x reader

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horanghaejamjam · 2 years

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Horanghae Chapter 2

Story Summary: Everyone knows that Soonyoung loves tigers. The term Horanghae literally means “I tiger you”. Needless to say, the Seventeen members shouldn’t have been as surprised as they were the night he came home with a very timid white tiger curled against him.

Chapter Summary: After a lot of convincing, Soonyoung finally gets the greenlight to adopt you. How will you settle into your new home?

Pairing: Hoshi-centric, Seventeen x White Tiger hybrid reader.

Rating: PG

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 7k

Chapter Warnings: Slight feels in the beginning. There is a brief suggestive interaction, nothing happens just implications of nudity and Jeonghan being a tease.

Disclaimer: This is a repost from my original blog, this is my own original work and not copied. Images used in header are not mine. All written work is 100% my own, editors and beta readers will be credited as needed. Do not copy, translate, or repost my work onto other sites without my permission.

Previous . . . Next Chapter (TBA)

Horanghae Masterlist

You had been pacing around the small little room you had been staying in for the past few hours. Every time you heard approaching footsteps you would perk up and rush to the door, only to slump again when they kept going. Soonyoung had promised that he would be back for you but it had almost been two days now and there was no sign of him. With every person that went by your room, you began losing hope more and more. The others clearly didn’t like you so that meant he wasn’t coming. You would end up back up for adoption in a few days, placed in another home, and probably back on the street. That was the thought constantly running through your head as you paced around the room for what had to be the hundredth time.

The techs that came to evaluate your condition and bring you things had tried to reassure you that Soonyoung would come back. They told you how desperate he was when he left, how excited he had been to adopt you. Every time it was accompanied by a pat on the shoulder and a reminder to just be patient before you were left alone yet again. You tried to be patient, you really did want to believe he would come back, but it was getting harder with every passing second.

With a defeated sigh you collapsed down onto the cot, sitting with your back to the wall as you stared at the door. The only other sound other than the occasional chatter or footsteps from the hall was the quiet ticking of the clock on the wall. It was getting late and the shelter would be closing in about an hour. By this point, you had accepted the fact that Soonyoung wouldn’t be coming for you, at least not today.

You couldn’t help the whimper that escaped your throat as you curled up on the small cot. Your tail wrapped around yourself and your ears pressed back into your head as you tried to relax yourself. Eventually, you dragged yourself under the blanket they had provided you and laid down with your back to the door. At some point, a worker had entered your room to check up on you but you ignored her as she quickly checked your vitals and set a spare blanket at the edge of the cot before turning off the light and leaving you alone. You were able to count the minutes with the ticking of the clock as all sounds from outside practically ceased. Only the distant whistling of a security guard as he made his rounds through the halls and the front lobby. All of the other workers have probably gone home for the night. That was the confirmation you needed that the shelter was closed and the last shred of hope you had for the night had vanished.

You whimpered again and curled up on yourself, gripping the blanket desperately and nuzzling your face into it. The fabric was soft enough but the scent was synthetic, only smelling like the cheap detergent they used to wash it. There was no comforting scent of another person so you couldn’t trick yourself into thinking someone was there with you. No one was there to cuddle you close and pet you as you fell asleep.

Somehow this was worse than being on the street. After spending the night with Soonyoung and finally feeling love and affection made you crave it, only for it to be taken from you. Now you were alone again and stuck with the promise that he would come back to you, but no guarantee that he could keep that promise. Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to be mad at him, just upset at the thought of being alone again.

“Soonyoung,” you whispered as you curled up on yourself, “please come back.”

Little did you know, if the other members hadn’t been holding Soonyoung back he would have dashed out the door to get to you the moment he woke up. Seventeen had been debating the pros and cons of adopting a hybrid all day and still hadn’t come to an agreement by the time the sunset. It seemed the group was divided 50/50 on the matter and the male in question was about ready to rip his hair out from pure frustration. You were probably so scared by yourself and the thought alone pulled at his heartstrings in a way he hadn’t known was possible. His frustration was evident to the other members by his lack of energy, sulking, and refusing to talk to them until they came to an agreement about adopting you.

“Soonyoung,” Cheol called out as he knocked on his door, “dinners ready, come down and eat.” The younger was pouting on his bed and refused to look at his leader as he shook his head.

“I’m not hungry,” he muttered. Seungcheol sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he walked into the room.

“Look, I know you’re upset about this whole thing but sulking isn’t going to help anyone. We can’t just make a huge decision like this in a day,” he tried to reason. In the back of his mind, Soonyoung knew he was right but that didn’t mean he agreed with it.

“I don’t see why we need to take so long to talk about it,” he argued, “I already explained everything so what other reason do you need?”

“You’re not the only one that lives here you know?” Seungcheol argued, “you’re not only expecting the rest of us to agree with adopting and taking care of a hybrid, but also to get along with her. That’s not exactly fair to the other members, you know?”

“It’s not like she’s a full tiger I’m sure she could take care of herself if needed,” Soonyoung rebutted, “and it’s not impossible for her to get along with everyone. Shua, Mingyu, and Jun seemed to get along with her just fine. I’m sure you would too but you won’t even get her a chance.”

“How can you be so sure? You only met her last night.”

“I just know okay?!” Soonyoung exclaimed, “there’s something about her and I know that we could be the perfect home for her if you guys would just listen!” It seemed the two were either taking too long with their argument or Soonyoung was being too loud as a knock on the door grabbed both their attention.

“Are you guys really still arguing about that tiger hybrid?” Jihoon asked as he poked his head in the door. Their silence gave him the answer he needed as he rolled his eyes and invited himself in, “Isn’t this argument getting a little childish? Everyone’s had time to think about it and is down in the kitchen right now, why don’t we just talk about it there and get it over with instead of dragging it out?” The two older remained silent for a minute, glancing at each other and back at Jihoon before nodding softly.

“Fair enough, let’s go,” Seungcheol said as he made his way to the door. Jihoon groaned softly and was about to follow him out when Soonyoung stopped him.

“What do you think about it?” he asked. The younger paused for a moment before shaking his head.

“As idols, we are way too busy to give her the attention she needs, even if she does take care of herself. I won’t say I’m against a hybrid living with us but you do need to realize she is going to want our attention and what’s going to happen when we go on tour or travel for schedules? If you’re sure you can handle that then who am I to say no?” With that he followed Cheol out of the room, making Soonyoung ponder everything before walking out after them. He understood what Jihoon was saying, but he knew they could give you a good home and would deal with those challenges as they came. Soonyoung was stubborn and he wasn’t going to back down until he got the members to agree with him.

After a very long, and semi-heated, discussion between the members during dinner, there was a 9-4 vote in favor of adopting you. Soonyoung practically flew out of his chair when the agreement was reached, squealing in excitement and hugging the ones closest to him. Needless to say, he wouldn’t be sleeping at all that night, much too eager for morning to come so he could get to the shelter and finish the adoption process.

The members had established a few set rules beforehand, not knowing how you would adjust to them or the new home. The most important rule was to be gentle while you were settling in, be nice but don’t crowd or overwhelm you. You would also stay with Soonyoung in his room since they didn’t have a spare room and it felt unfair to condemn you to the living room. Maybe sometime down the road, you would be comfortable sharing a room with one of the others but until then you would stay with Soonyoung. Everything else could be established once you got settled in a bit. Some of the members went out early the next morning to go shopping for you mutually agreeing on things you would need and wanting as many to participate as possible so you felt welcome. The only thing they hadn’t agreed on was a collar, knowing it was a requirement for adopted hybrids but figuring they would use a basic one until they figured out what you liked. It wasn’t like you would be going out enough in the beginning to need one.

Cheol once again accompanied Soonyoung to the shelter to make sure everything got done properly, Joshua deciding to tag along as well just for fun. The oldest was still a bit apprehensive about adopting a hybrid but seeing everyone else's excitement he knew he couldn’t argue anymore. Hopefully, your presence would grow on him as it seemed to with all the others.

You were startled awake by a knocking on your door, glancing up to see the same tech from yesterday staring at you with a gentle smile. “Sorry for waking you but come on Y/N, it’s time for you to go home.” You were confused for a moment before you processed what she said, shooting up from the cot and glancing at her hopefully. You were going home? Did that mean that Soonyoung had come back for you like he said? The tech nodded and you all but dashed out of the room, the tech laughing as she ran to keep up with you.

The second you saw Soonyoung standing in the lobby, you squealed and ran over to him. He only had a second to react before you were throwing yourself into his arms, hugging him tightly and nuzzling into his neck. “You came back,” you mumbled, inhaling his scent and smiling softly. Soonyoung giggled and hugged you back just as tightly, bending over a bit to hold you properly.

“I promised you I would,” he replied, bringing a hand up to pet through your hair softly. You hummed softly and hugged him a bit tighter, looking up when you heard soft chucking. The tech had turned her attention to Joshua since Soonyoung was occupied and Seungcheol was waiting over by the door.

“This is a temporary collar and a copy of her files. We will check-in after about a week to see how she’s settling in but otherwise feel free to call with any health or behavior concerns. You guys should be all set to go!” she explained. Joshua took everything and thanked her before moving over to you and Soonyoung.

“Come on you two, we should go home and get you settled in,” you smiled softly at him and nodded, letting go of Soonyoung and following the three to the car. The whole time Seungcheol was quiet and wouldn’t even look in your direction. He closed the door to the car as soon as you got in and got in the driver's seat, not acknowledging you and talking to Joshua during the drive. It made you a bit nervous as you looked at him before turning to Soonyoung who was sitting next to you.

“Did I do something wrong? He doesn’t seem to like me,” you whispered, pointing to Seungcheol. He glanced where you were pointing before sighing.

“Don’t worry about Seungcheol okay?” he whispered back, “he’s just a bit stressed but I’m sure he’ll warm up to you eventually, just be patient.” He scratched behind your ear softly but frowned when that didn’t seem to assure you at all, “Hey don’t worry okay? It may take a bit for some of the guys to open up to you but we’re all excited to have you live with us and I know they will all love you just as much as I do.” You still weren’t completely convinced but didn’t say anything, leaning into his hand and closing your eyes. Hopefully, he was right, though now you had to deal with the nerves that came from meeting 12 other guys.

“Hey Y/N?” Joshua called out softly to get your attention, “we have a few guys at the store getting a few things for you so is there anything you like or want specifically? Anything you need? Do you also happen to know what clothing size you wear?” You hummed a bit and glanced around as you thought about it. You never really had anyone ask if you wanted something specific, just always taking what you were given, so you didn’t know.

“I don’t really know,” you confessed, “I’ve never really had anyone shop for me so just whatever’s essential I guess? Also last time I checked my size was (size).” You saw his expression fall for a second before he was quickly smiling and nodding at you again.

“Once you get settled we can take you to go pick out things yourself. These are just going to be the basics so you can be comfortable,” he explained as he looked down at his phone. You briefly heard him mutter something about, “how have you never gone shopping?” but quickly tuned him out. You just hummed out a small thank you before turning your attention to the window for the rest of the ride. Seungcheol and Joshua made light small talk and Soonyoung occasionally glanced over at you to make sure you were doing alright before returning his attention to his phone. He knew this whole thing would probably be strange and a bit stressful for you but he didn’t want to overwhelm you.

You and Soonyoung got out of the car first once you guys arrived back at the dorm, the male wrapping an arm around your shoulders as you walked to the door with Joshua and Seungcheol not too far behind.

“They’re still out shopping and Jihoon went to the studio for a bit so it should just be a few that are home right now,” Joshua stated which made Soonyoung sigh in relief. That meant you could settle in a bit before having to introduce yourself to everyone. Just as expected, it was significantly quieter when you guys entered as most of the guys were out. You looked around the now empty living room while the other three put their stuff away, cautiously walking to the middle of the room and glancing around. You were curious but not sure what you were and were not allowed to do so you decided to play it safe. Joshua seemed to notice this as he chuckled softly while walking over to you, “You can look around Y/N, it’s your home too so don’t be shy.”

“Just please be careful not to break anything,” Seungcheol muttered. The two other males glanced at him as he excused himself to his room, sighing softly when they heard the door close. They tried to play it off but you knew now that he didn’t like you. Soonyoung saw the way your ears and expression dropped and immediately began to panic.

“Hey now, ignore him okay? We don’t need his sour attitude ruining our fun,” he cooed, moving to cup your face in his hands. He squished your cheeks a bit which made you giggle and caused him to smile in return, “there we go, good girl! Smile for us!” When you laughed again he mirrored the action and let go of you, Joshua laughing as well at the cute sight.

“Since no ones really here right now, why don’t we give you a mini tour?” he suggested, “then you can get settled and try to relax a bit.” You nodded and he gave you a gentle pat on the shoulder, “So obviously this is the living room, we also play a lot of games here in our free time. The kitchen as you know is right through that opening. You can help yourself to anything that doesn’t have a name on it okay? Just try to keep it clean and ask one of us if you need help getting anything. We don’t need you getting hurt.” You followed him and Soonyoung down the hall, listening to the names he said with each room they passed. Hopefully, when they arrived you could start putting faces to their names and learn everyone quicker if you already had an idea. “This is my room,” Joshua stopped to open one of the middle doors and let you peek inside, “if you ever need something and Soonyoung is busy you can come to find me. Or if I’m busy you can always go to my room and wait for me okay?” When you let out a small hum of confirmation he smiled and reached up to scratch behind your ear. “You like being pet don’t you?” he asked teasingly when you pushed against his hand.

“I’m not too used to it but it feels nice,” you answered, “my ears and tail are especially sensitive.”

“I’ll be sure to remember that,” Joshua mused, patting your head. He quickly showed you the last few rooms before leaving you and Soonyoung to get everything set up in his room. “If you need anything you guys know where to find me, and the others should be back soon,” he said as he closed the door and left you two alone.

“You’re going to be staying in here with me, I had to rearrange a few things but you’ll have half of the closest space and the bottom drawers of the dresser to put your stuff. If we need more space we can work on that. You have full access to the TV and can borrow my phone and laptop when you need and of course, whatever else you need is yours. We’re going to be sharing the bed if that’s okay?”

“Yeah of course,” you said, taking a seat on the bed and glancing up at him. You had already shared a bed with Soonyoung and you were comfortable with him, also his room was nice and you already were getting way more than you were used to. Though you were nervous given factors like your heat, you suppose you would have to tackle that when you came. Thankfully tigers didn’t go into heat as often as other hybrids and it didn’t last very long, but that didn’t make it a pleasant experience. You wondered if the guys had been briefed on all of that when they filled out the adoption paperwork. Whether he did or not, Soonyoung was so excited and caring that you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him your concerns. He smiled and laughed a bit, turning on the TV and handing you the remote.

“Put it on whatever you want! I’m still trying to reorganize a few things so just ignore me okay?” you glanced at the remote as if it was a foreign object before starting to flip through random channels. None of the shows seemed familiar to you so you just flipped through until you found something that seemed even remotely interesting. Though your focus was on Soonyoung mostly as he reorganized some of his drawers and pushed a few things around.

You two stayed like that for a little over an hour, Soonyoung eventually joining you on the bed as you got hooked on this random drama you managed to stumble on. You had moved to lay on your stomach, moments from falling asleep when a knock at the door startled you up. You perked up and glanced at the door as it opened and a male you don’t remember seeing before poked his head in.

“We’re back,” he practically sang, “figured we would just bring everything up here so you could go through it?” You couldn’t see Soonyoung but you assumed he nodded as the male opened the door and let himself in with two others right behind him. They all had multiple bags hanging off their arms and it seemed there were, even more, they couldn’t carry. Your eyes widened as you watched the pile of bags stack up until you were sure you could bury yourself in it.

“Did you guys buy the whole store or something?” Soonyoung asked, standing up and kicking through some of the bags.

“We may have gone a bit overboard, had to practically drag Minghao out of the clothing store or he would have bought everything,” the other teased, getting one of the bags thrown at him by who you assumed was Minghao.

“She has no clothes, it’s only fair to get her a variety,” said male argued before looking at you, “we got a few different sizes and styles just to be safe so you’ll have to try it all on and tell us what you think okay?” His tone was soft, kind of like Joshua's but a bit higher and you would have found his voice and expression relaxing if you weren’t overwhelmed with the situation. It seemed Soonyoung read your mind, or he could tell by your expression, but he was immediately getting into protective mode.

“You guys need to calm down, you didn’t even introduce yourselves yet and you’re throwing all this new stuff on her!” he scolded. They all froze and stared between the two of you a bit before laughing awkwardly.

“Sorry guess we got a little too excited,” the first one set the bags down and kneeled down in front of you with a smile, “Hi cutie, I’m Jeonghan! The one with the glasses is Minghao, and behind him is Seungkwan.” They both waved at you and you relaxed a bit as you looked at them and back at Jeonghan. He tilted his head and held his hand out for you, causing you to blink curiously at him before gently taking his hand. It was significantly larger than yours but his touch was soft and his skin was warm. He seemed happy that you were opening up to him and squeezed your hand a bit before gently letting you go. “I’m sure we’ll get along great!” he said as he turned to look through the bags, “did you want us to help you go through everything, or did you want to do it yourselves?”

“You can stay,” you agreed when Soonyoung glanced at you, “it looks like a lot of stuff and I need to get used to all of you guys, right?” They all seemed to chuckle at that but Minghao and Seungkwan happily moved to kneel down beside Jeonghan. You and Soonyoung remained on the bed as they went through the bags and showed you everything they got for you. Enough pillows and blankets to make a whole new bed, as well as a stuffed tiger they had to get because it “reminded us of you.” Necessities like your own toothbrush, shampoo, and towels that you swore were soft enough to be blankets. Clothes in every style, design, and color that you could imagine, sorting through taking longer than normal because Minghao had to hold them up to you and gush about how cute they would look. Seungkwan joined in as well with some of the items he chose until the two were talking about styling you as if you were a department store mannequin. The attention made you a bit flustered but you couldn’t deny that it also felt nice having people gush over you like this. The last few things were simple activities and toys designed for cat hybrids so you would have things to do when they were away. The three stayed long enough to help organize and put most of your new things away before excusing themselves to relax and do their own things before dinner. You thanked all of them for the stuff and their help, getting to work nuzzling against your blankets, pillows, and tiger plushie to scent them properly. You would probably sneak them around the members to get their scent as well but for now, this would do.

After a few days of getting used to your new home and new owners, you were starting to get used to everything. By now you had met everyone at least once and were getting used to their personalities, making mental notes and observations about all of them to remember who was who. There was still a lot to get used to but at least now you could distinguish everyone and not just Soonyoung.

Seungcheol was the oldest and their leader, though you still didn’t fully understand what that meant. He seemed kind of strict and a bit cold with you but you noticed he seemed really sweet and caring the more you watched him with the others.

Jeonghan is very playful and does a lot of joking and teasing. He was one of the more affectionate ones with you, always calling you pet names and giving you hugs and pets no matter what form you were in.

Joshua is also playful but a bit more calm than Jeonghan. He was always checking in on you to make sure you were okay and also loved giving you head pats. You also got to hear him play the guitar once and fell in love with the sound.

Jun seemed a bit wary of you at times but was still nice and never said no to affection or even playing. You also learned he was from China and he told you a few things about his home and even taught you a few simple Chinese words.

Wonwoo was one you had only met once but it was just in passing. He had never said anything to you and never seemed to be around. The members told you he was just more reserved and that he would warm up to you eventually so you didn’t push the matter.

Jihoon was another one you had only met once or twice but he seemed nice enough. He seemed to physically avoid you but didn’t mind your presence and even showed you a song he was working on one night.

Seokmin was extremely loud and seemed to play around a lot with the members. You were a bit wary of him just because of how loud he got sometimes but he was funny and seemed to keep his distance.

Mingyu loved having you around and was another member that was happy to give you attention. He loved to play with you and pet you and even let you help him cook dinner one night. Though he was also really big which was kind of intimidating, he really liked to pat your head and tell you how small you were or just rest his arms on your head to be funny.

Minghao was quieter but you had seen him joke around a few times. He wasn’t the most affectionate but he would pet you occasionally and let you spend time with him while he worked. He loved dressing you up when you would cooperate and helped teach you a few Chinese phrases alongside Jun.

Seungkwan was nice but also really sassy which confused you a bit. There were moments where he was squeezing your cheeks and cooing at you like you were the cutest thing, then there were moments where he was overly teasing or seemed to not want you around. You just decided to let him come to you rather than try to bug him for attention.

Vernon scared you a little bit at first but after a bit he got you to open up to him. You found his antics quite funny and your interactions could go from listening to music together to playing random games he made up.

Lastly, there was Chan, though the only thing you knew about him was that he was the youngest member of the group. You saw him for maybe a second before he was hiding away again and part of you wondered if he was avoiding you.

You had also learned that what Soonyoung meant when he said they were idols was that they performed in a group together. He explained to you that they were in a group called Seventeen and, while they were on a mini break right now, they were usually out for most of the day recording or at practice. You had pouted a bit when you realized this meant you would be alone a lot when they went back to work but you said you understood. You were just happy to have a home so you weren’t going to argue about them being gone.

You were in your tiger form napping in the little nest you had created by the living room window. It was one of your favorite spots as there was a perfect amount of sun that shone through during the day. A perfectly warm and bright spot for you to rest, made complete by one of the thicker blankets the guys got you and a collection of pillows. One of the ones they got you, a spare you found in the closet, and one you stole from the couch so you had something that smelled like the guys. You were nuzzling against that pillow currently, stretched out on your side and enjoying the remaining warmth as the sun started to set. Most of the members were in their rooms or out doing their own thing but there were a few in the kitchen. You couldn't make out what they were staying but you could hear voices and could only assume they were arguing over dinner again. More specifically, whether they would cook or order out and who was in charge of dinner. That seemed to be a common occurrence from what you could tell.

As you were slowly being brought back to reality, you felt someone petting your side which successfully woke you up. Opening your eyes, you saw Jeonghan smiling down at you, tickling your side a bit which made you jerk.

“Good morning Sunshine,” he teased with a laugh, “we’re thinking about doing takeout and having a movie night tonight, what do you think?” You blinked up at him before stretching and lifting your head so you could nod at him. It was awkward communicating with them as a tiger but you didn’t want to make him wait while you went to shift and grab something to wear. Jeonghan seemed to understand your answer though as he chuckled and scratched under your chin, “I knew you would like the idea.” You made a chuffing noise as you shuffled closer to him, not really caring about what he was saying as you just wanted him to keep petting you. Jeonghan got the hint and wrapped an arm around you in a hug, using both hands to gently scratch your face and parts of your neck. You closed your eyes and leaned most of your weight against him which made him laugh more, “Aww look at my pretty Baby. She likes being scratched like this, doesn’t she? You’re so soft and sweet I could cuddle you all day.” He laid against you dramatically as he continued muttering praises before eventually letting go. “I have to go talk with the guys about dinner now but we can cuddle more later okay? You can join us if you want of course,” with that he was giving you one last hug and walking back to the kitchen. You watched him for a moment before getting up and making your way to yours and Soonyoungs room. That was one of the few rules that had been set, that you could not be in the kitchen in tiger form as your fur got in the way. Fair enough since you preferred your natural form anyways unless resting so you quickly went to shift and get dressed before joining the group in the kitchen.

Jeonghan was there with Joshua, Jihoon, and Soonyoung, all of them looking over the phone and discussing what they should order. Something about debating if they should just get a large amount and share or get individual orders for everyone. Soonyoung noticed you first and smiled as he waved you over, “Hey Y/N, did you come to help us figure out dinner?” You walked over to them and nodded softly, tugging at the sleeves of your sweater.

“Jeonghan woke me up and then left me, I got lonely,” you whined with a pout. The male in question pouted back and grabbed you to pull you into a hug, your back against his chest and his chin resting on your head with his arms around your waist.

“I promised we’d cuddle later silly, but I’d rather you help us with dinner first,” he said, peeking over at you to poke your cheek, “you took a while so I didn’t know if you were coming.”

“You guys said I wasn’t allowed in the kitchen as a tiger, so I had to go switch,” you argued.

“Why don’t you switch when we’re around?” Soonyoung asked. It was an innocent question but you still felt your face heating up and you stumbled over your words as you tried to explain it.

“Well umm, clothes don’t really fit my tiger form so when I switch between them I’m not, you know, wearing anything…” you practically whispered the last part and hid your face in your hands. There was silence in the room as the boy's faces soon matched your red shade, Soonyoung shaking his head to distract from the thought.

“I’m sorry I asked,” he muttered. From behind you, you could feel and hear Jeonghan chuckle.

“Quite convenient,” he joked, yelping when Joshua hit him on the arm, “I mean that’s good to know. I mean-” he cut himself off when the other three started glaring him down. You sunk out of his grip and fell to the floor with your face hidden in your hands, wishing the floor would swallow you whole. Jeonghan stuttered a bit and laughed nervously before glancing down at you, unable to say anything as Joshua had already kneeled down and put a hand on your shoulder.

“He’s an idiot Y/N, ignore him,” he whispered, pulling your hands from your face and smiling softly at you as he helped you up. Jihoon interrupted the now awkward tension by clearing his throat.

“Anyways, can we talk about dinner now?” he asked with a tone of sarcasm. Everyone agreed and they proceeded with ordering take out, you not contributing much and hiding behind Joshua for a majority of the time. Though you did help when the food arrived, helping Soonyoung and Jihoon bring in the bags and set everything up while Joshua and Jeonghan worked on setting the living room up for the movie night. For the first time since you had gotten there, Jihoon showed physical affection to you by patting your head in appreciation once all of the food was laid out. Some of the members started joining you as well when they heard the commotion, either helping as well or just standing in the way asking when everything would be ready.

You watched from the corner as all the members came and got their food before taking their seats, some of them greeting you while a few didn’t seem to notice you were there. Your tail wrapped around your leg and you bit your lip, still feeling a bit awkward around all of them when Soonyoung called out for you. “What do you want to eat?” he asked, already working on a plate for you when you walked over. “There’s more than enough so whatever you want,” he added when he sensed hesitation from you. Some of these foods were still a bit new to you so you just went with the safe option and got a small amount of everything so you could try it. Hopefully, if you liked it there would be enough left for you to have more.

Once Soonyoung got his food he had you follow him to the living room, making a spot for the both of you on the couch. Minghao was on your other side with Jihoon next to Soonyoung and the rest of the members gathering around in the other seats or with pillows on the floor. You felt a bit bad about that and offered to give up your spot but both the males beside you assured you it was fine.

The members ended up playing an odd version of rock paper scissors to determine who would choose the first movie with Seokmin winning. You didn’t pay attention to the game since you didn’t really care about what you watched, more focused on your food. It was also hard for you to focus with all of the banter and comments from the members on what was happening on screen. Soonyoung didn’t let you feel left out though as he was constantly looking over at you and asking what you thought. Minghao joined in occasionally to comment on what was happening or point out something to you from a visual perspective. Both boys also shared bites of their food with you when they realized you had run out, feeding you smaller bites until you turned your head away. The first movie ended and Seungkwan got to choose the second while some of the members began cleaning up from dinner, some of them also calling it a night and going to bed. You tried to pay attention to the movie but you also felt yourself growing tired. Your eyes began fluttering and your body swaying as you tried to stay awake. Minghao noticed and chuckled softly.

“Tired?” he whispered, you shook your head but a yawn immediately after gave you away. Minghao smiled and shook his head, reaching over you to tap at Soonyoung. The older got the hint the second he looked at you and gently guided you to lay against him. Both males shuffled around a bit until you were in a more comfortable position. Your head was resting in Sooyoung's lap and his hand gently playing with your hair as he focused back on the movie. Your legs were lifted up onto Minghaos so you were properly laying down, one of his hands resting on your knee and the other cautiously moving to stroke your tail. You twitched when he first touched it which made him pull away in fear he did something wrong but then you wrapped it gently around his wrist, allowing him to pet the fur softly. The sensation of both males petting you combined with Soonyoungs warmth and scent had you drifting off almost immediately, burying your head against his legs. They both smiled down at you fondly and glanced at each other before returning their attention to the movie.

Occasionally, when there was a louder noise, you would stir but never fully woke up. Even when the movie ended and the boys started moving around you stayed asleep. Though Soonyoung shushed the members when they started talking to ask if they wanted to watch another movie, gesturing down at you when they looked at him.

“I think someone's ready for bed,” Joshua whispered. Soonyoung nodded, starting to move you into a position where he could carry you without waking you, struggling a bit to get your tail unwrapped from Minghao.

“I think I’m going to take her to bed,” he whispered back as he managed to grab you and stand up, “you guys have a good night.”

“You’re not going to come back?” Jun asked, to which the younger shook his head.

“I’m tired anyways and I would hate to wake her,” with that he bid a good night to the other members and gently carried you back to your room. As carefully and quietly as possible, he closed the door and set you down on your side of the bed so he could get changed and ready for bed himself. You didn’t even flinch when he turned off the light and got into bed beside you, cuddling you against his chest and tucking you both in. “Goodnight Y/N, sleep well,” he whispered, kissing your head softly before closing his eyes to drift off as well.

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ryaiga · 10 months

Text

The One God Forbade

Chapter 2

Pairing - Captain Price X GN!Reader X Lieutenant Riley

MDNI 18+ PLEASE.

WORD COUNT: 7.7k

Summary: You finally get some well deserved downtime, getting a new tattoo to hide a scar you had. However, you get a call saying that you were recently transferred from the ECHO team to Task Force 141.

AUTHOR’S NOTE AT THE END!

WARNINGS/CWS/TWS: Military terms that might be wrong, Paranoia, Drinking.

Spacers/Headers by: @mmadeinheavenn , @imlevis , @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

“Please!- Please- I have a- a- a family.. Please, I swear I didn’t want to do all that to you! I was just doing as I was-” BANG-

Your body jolted forward, waking you from the slumber that was fueled by the nightmares of being on the field. You raised your hand to see them, clenching and unclenching whilst you turned them repetitively to inspect for any change. Your t-shirt clung to your body with the remaining sweat that was too stubborn to evaporate into the cold air. The room was dark, with nothing but the moonlight emanating from the window. You weren’t on the field, you were in your small apartment complex now. You took deep breaths as you scanned the room, looking at the trinkets you had scattered over the few surfaces you had. As your eyes adjust to the darkness, you see picture frames of the Echo team and one of your mom sitting across your bed. A reminder that you weren’t in the barracks. A small speaker with white noise playing softly sat on top of your dresser. Slowly, you felt yourself being grounded back to reality.

Nights like this meant that you weren’t going to get more sleep now that you were rudely awakened. That being said, you walked to the bathroom of your small studio apartment with a clean tee in hand. You changed and sat on the bed, not wanting to forget the words said in your dream, you reached over to the bedside table for a small journal with quotes that had awakened you the same way tonight’s little plea did. You merely wrote it down, not wanting to dwell on the thought or memory any longer. You figured that you might as well preoccupy yourself with a little spring cleaning to allow your mind a break. Or so you could zone out, like the times on the field but without a sniper rifle in hand.

You chose to start with the laundry. You grabbed all the ‘dirty’ clothes and placed them in the basket before walking to your washing machine and stuffing it with said laundry. Doing what’s necessary, putting the two cups of detergent liquid, closing the door, and setting the machine to mix before starting it. Then, you made your way down the list; Dishes? Washed and dried. Furniture? Pushed back to the exact millimeter of where it was first placed when you first moved in. Dust? Hunted and dusted. Laundry to end it off, dried, folded, and kept in their respective places. Doing all this helped ground yourself more with reality, bringing you out of the deployment mindset that was conditioned into you. Albeit, it was also what you were used to doing back in the early days of being a Navy recruit.

And as per the routine, the clock strikes 6:00 am, three hours since you woke up. Now it was time for your morning run around the street. You put on your shoes and grabbed the headphones from the table that housed your knick-knacks like your keys, wallet, and karambit. You grabbed the two, hooking the keys through your pants loop, and holstered your karambit in its place by your inner thigh. Wallet and phone in hand, you leave your apartment, locking the door and exiting the complex.

It's been a week. Yet no amount of vodka helped with the nightmares. But something about last night’s dream was different. It wasn’t just the sounds that followed the war and the imagery of corpses from both sides littering the field. Instead, it was the body of a man who had pulled your fingernails. And this time he was begging to be given a chance before it was abruptly interrupted with a pistol shot to… to?

That you don’t remember. Yet it haunted you as you ran. Every stride you took awakened a feeling of fear in you from that day for some reason. Running your usual route with tunnel vision slowly creeping into your sight. Sounds of even more white noise playing through your headphones usually helped with it, making sure your mind didn't drift away. But

You finished your run and decided to drop by the local tattoo parlor you wanted a ‘cover-up’ of the branding scar you had. It still sustained a little of its bright red color, so you thought why not slap a knight holding a sword to help divert the viewer’s eyes? You’d embrace the scar on your left arm instead of just hiding it. You didn't know what to get, not wanting to be the typical American soldier who gets an eagle or skull with any form of ammunition. You decided a knight with a shield that has the Echo team insignia and a sword would fit both you and the spot perfectly.

Since you knew the artist who works at that shop, the booking went smoothly. All that’s left is to come in tomorrow since she was nice enough to keep a slot open for you. Your next stop was a hole-in-the-wall cafe for a light snack and coffee.

You diverted from your usual routine. See, usually you’d buy your order of americano with a nice little blueberry cupcake (it’s what you’d get at the base for breakfast.), but today felt off. It felt like you had eyes on you. You weren’t on the field, and definitely not too far from base. Yet the paranoia and instincts in you are blaring brighter and louder by the second, similar to a flare that was shot out in the midst of the night’s darkness. Unavoidable. You gave it time just in case it really was just paranoia, you decided it would help if you sat outside the cafe. You’d scan your surroundings with just your peripheral vision, something that was instilled into you for reconnaissance missions. No one stood out.

An hour goes by and you were starting to get stares from small families who’d pass you, taking it as a sign to leave. You beelined home, not wanting to deal with more stress than you already felt. The nightmares weighed your consciousness long enough and the possibility of someone stalking you was making you feel on edge. You got home, checked all the rooms and locks. Sweeping from one end to the other, bathroom windows locked and covered, bedroom windows locked and curtains drawn, all living room windows got the same treatment. And there you sat, by your bed with a pistol in hand with a clear shot to the front door. That’s where you remained for the rest of the day, glad that you took care of the chores earlier that morning.

You were awoken by the buzzing of your phone. Just your alarm, 6 a.m. Time for your run. You must’ve been so mentally tired that you didn’t realize you’d passed out. However, you were glad you were that tired as there were no nightmares, just empty silent darkness as you rested. You got up and headed to the bathroom, remembering that you didn’t have a rinse after the run. You got ready, headphones, keys, karambit. But today you had your pistol with you too. You kept it hidden in your boots.

You went for your run, nothing out of the norm yet. No prying eyes followed you like a hawk, as it should be. You made your way to the tattoo parlor for your appointment, you know it isn't the brightest idea to get a tattoo on a recent scar but you'd rather look at art than a bright red scar. You looked around and realized that the shop was empty, your tattoo artist made sure to not have people around so you can have peace of mind while being tattooed.

She sat you at one of her booths and got your arm ready for the long first session. It was a big piece for a first and she asked if you really wanted to get the entire tattoo in one go . You've been through a lot so a needle continuously stabbing you should be fine. The concerned expression she had faded as she starts. You sat there in her care with the buzz of the needle she wielded and the radio playing in the store. She'd tell you stories, from the different clients she had to the apartment complex and her weird neighbors.

You had bumped into her on a moving day. With your small stature and zero presence, you couldn't blame her. She felt bad and chose to help you despite you telling her you didn't need it. Apparently, she lived in the apartment across from yours. She told you about her little tattoo parlor. You never caught her name surprisingly, considering how she helps keep your apartment dust-free whenever you go on deployments. She treats you like a younger sibling, occasionally inviting you over for food which you always accept. Better than the shitty microwave meals you had procured in the freezer. She’d keep you up to date with what’s going on with the neighbors.

She was your only form of social interaction and you were honestly glad. But you could never tell her anything about your ‘job’. All she knew was that her neighbor is never home and when they are, she’ll never know until they bump into her. Hours later she finished the piece, you thank her with a simple ‘Thank you, neighbor.’. “You do know I have a name right? No need for neighbor anymore, it’s Jordan.” Both of you walk to the counter as she tells you how to care for the fresh tattoo but she stops you when she sees you pulling out your wallet. “On the house. You keep me company while you're home and eat whenever I invite you. This is the least I can do since I talk your ears off.” She chuckles and tells you to come over tonight for dinner, it was burrito night and you wouldn’t miss it for the world. You agreed and left the parlor. Deciding that maybe you should bring a nice drink to Jordan’s place, you walked to the store.

That’s when you felt something out of place again. Someone watching. Not close, but within said person’s peripherals. You quickly took to the sheltered alleys and crowd. It’s off-putting, the fact that you are spending your downtime feeling like you were being watched. You couldn’t just blame it on your paranoia anymore. It honestly starts to piss you off, you shot Jordan a message with your burner phone. You asked if she could cook for you every day now. The feeling of being watched made you decide that it wasn’t worth leaving the house, you can run loops around your apartment and Jordan loves cooking for you so it seems like a win-win in your book. You finally reach the supermarket, grabbing a trolley. You start filling the trolley with ingredients for Jordan, 2 big bottles of soft drinks you think she’d like, and a bottle of vodka for yourself. You quickly make your way to the checkout, you feel the eyes of civilians, and yet the one who’s following you is what caused the hair on the back of your neck to stand. You practically threw a hundred-dollar bill at the cashier and rushed out with the bags. The person was a professional stalker because no matter how well you scanned the people around you, you couldn’t spot them.

You finally made it to the flight of stairs to your apartment level. You dropped off the ingredients by Jordan’s door before knocking it and heading back to yours. You needed a shower before dinner. You needed to feel the cold water wash the sweat and paranoia off your heavily scarred skin. You needed it off you asap. It's funny how it's about a week into your downtime and it feels as if you were on the receiving end of a reconnaissance mission.

You stepped into the shower and stayed under the water for a solid 30 minutes. You only left as you hear Jordan yelling at the door saying something about phone and dinner. You dried off, put on your usual fit, and made your way to the fridge to grab the soft drinks. You hoped that a bottle of sweet tea and some soda would make up for asking her to cook meals for you. You quickly shot a message to Jordan to make sure all curtains are drawn and to not ask why. You didn’t want whoever to see that you were acquaintances with a civilian and that her safety is not jeopardized by your friendship with her. You waited 5 minutes before heading over.

Jordan welcomed you in with that bright smile of hers and the smell of beef hits your nostril, making your mouth moist. It’s been a while since you had something that had even smelled this good. You walked to her little dining table and set the drinks on it before heading to her kitchen and helping with setting up. She knew exactly what you liked and made your burrito perfectly to how you did the first time you two had burrito night. All this simply from watching you eat. Both of you finally sat down after a long day and were ready for dinner and a little chat. You thanked Jordan for dinner and started eating, she started talking about how the neighbor next to her had their boyfriend move in and every night has been a nightmare for her. Just as she was about to say what was the reason, your burner phone rings. You apologized to Jordan but by now she was used to it from the few dinners you had to up and go back to base. You stood up and pulled your phone out to see who it was that is bothering your dinner time, it was Rodney. You excused yourself to the bathroom to answer it.

“Hey (Y/N), just got a call from Laswell. Warrant Officer (Y/N), you are officially part of Task Force 141 as of today and are to report back to base to collect your gear and fly to their base. Congrats on making it into the big boy league and thank you Echo 2 for everything, hopefully, we’ll get to run missions with you in the future. As the Echo team once said, Best 2IC. I know you’ll do well there, you are still welcome to talk to me whenever (Y/N). Rest up, Echo team and I will see you off.” Just like that, Rodney ended the call before you could say anything.

Leaving the Echo team? So soon might you add. It’s only been 3 years since you were assigned to the Echo team and yet you were the one selected to transfer to TF141. It made sense as you were a warrant officer but it was usually just for a mission or two with a different squadron. But never a permanent transfer. It’s not that you’ll miss them, you weren’t close to them in the first place, but you felt that someone better was more deserving of such a position. However, you never doubted Rodney’s decisions ever so you’d have to learn to get used to the new team, or the other way around.

You went back to the dining table and apologized again to Jordan for interrupting her. You felt that telling her you might not be home for years on end could wait until after dinner. You let her continue talking, listening, and chiming in on the conversation every now and then with small questions. You felt bad for leaving as it means she’d go back to helping make sure your apartment was kept dust-free while you were away and it’s no longer a few months but potentially years at a time. Maybe you could get her little souvenirs as a thank you.

You polished your plate and brought both of your plates to the sink to wash. You felt that you’ve been there longer than usual and decided to call it a night. Before you left, you called out to Jordan who was confused as you usually just leave and she didn’t need to see you off. “I wanted to let you know that I’ll be traveling for work now Jordan and it might be for a year at a time. That being said, you really don’t have to clean my place while I'm gone-” “If you think I wouldn’t clean your place just because you’ll be away longer, you’d be very mistaken. Plus I could stay at your place if Rachel and her boyfriend decide to fuck every so loudly. You wouldn’t mind would ya?” You chuckle at how she purposely mentioned the loud fucking part loudly in hopes that the neighbor would hear. You told her she could use your place whenever but to make sure that everything stays in its place for the sake of your OCD and to make sure the curtains remain closed at all times when she’s there.

You went back and immediately went into your routine of making sure everything is secured. After which you immediately crashed onto your bed, too tired from everything that happened today. You’ll worry about packing tomorrow morning.

In your seventeen years of being in the military, you never would have predicted that you would have been selected to be a part of something bigger.

You’ve done six years in the Navy, two years in Afghanistan for your first tour. During your time there on patrol duty, you saw it all. From being your fellow soldiers being shot at by terrorists who were kids armed with Ak-47s to the burn pit where every and anything is thrown and burned. Not forgetting the time where the humvee your team was in happened to drive over an IED and exploded, causing it to flip. Thankfully everyone was safe, walking off a concussion and a few scratches. You spent another year in Germany for the same thing. Throughout all this, you climbed the ranks and became a lieutenant. You managed to impress the higher ups with your combat skills and they had recommended you to go through the BUDS training to become a navy seal. Since you had barely any sense of direction to how you wanted to leave, you went with the flow.

Six months of grueling training and seeing soldiers drop out purely from how intense it was, you made it out as a Seal team operative. Another 6 years of deployments as a Seal op and you witnessed many deaths, you’ve lost so many friendlies and some to which fueled your nightmares from how you wished (and sometimes knew) you could’ve saved. In a deployment, you were blown up by a rogue IED that the Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) Specialist had missed. Luckily for you it wasn’t enough to kill you but it did rattle you for the few months after, being very wary of where you stepped. What was your luck with IEDs? At some point people knew you as an IED detector that detects them a second too late, you even considered becoming an EOD specialist but decided not to as you were already a sniper and a combat medic.

Once again someone had eyes on you and had invited you to DEVGRU training to which you once again went. This time it was six weeks of training and you were part of the tiny few who were approved. Not to mention as they were deciding who to accept, you had caught Rodney’s attention but at this point Echo team was a complete team. You spent two years training and waiting for a position in any team. To make use of the time, you decided to go to the Special Force Warrant Officer Institute. Not long after becoming a warrant officer, you were called in to join Echo team as a member had stepped down to retire. That’s where you met Rodney and the team.

And that’s where you found yourself again, the door that led to the cages but this time was to say goodbye. Everyone stood by the table in the center with shit eating grins on their faces. “Finally made it here 2ic, we’ve been waiting man!” Ricko spoke up, he was Echo’s K9 handler. The pup, Cerberus, comes up to you as if he knew that it was your time to leave. It touched you that they wanted to send you off, never would’ve thought that you were that much of an impact to the guys. Rodney hands you a picture, it was a picture of Echo team after your first deployment with them. You chuckled before patting him on the back, you turned to the guys and thanked them for coming to say their goodbyes. You stepped into your cage to grab your gear. You told the team that you’d want to visit the surplus store to get more stuff just in case. A couple more inner long sleeves and pants wouldn’t hurt to have.

You soon made your way to the store for a quick shopping session, with Echo team behind you being rowdy as their usual selves, it got you thinking whether you’d miss the noise whenever you're on base awaiting a green light for the next mission. You grabbed the clothing you needed, in hopes that it is enough for your time in the new base, then again you could shoot Rodney a text for a care package if needed but you’d rather be prepared for now. You decided to grab a couple of t-shirts in a material you like to repurpose into a fitted mask that would simply cover half of your face down to your neck, the balaclavas available were nice but you wanted a more personalized article of clothing for your face. You were about to pay when the entirety of Echo team fought each other to pay for your items, you simply stood back and chuckled alongside Rodney. Never in your time in the military would you imagine seeing grown men fighting each other to pay for clothing specifically.

It soon came time to board the plane to the UK to meet your new team. The guys had lined up the walkway to the plane’s entrance with Rodney next to the entrance itself. Before you could make your way to the walkway, someone walked out the entrance. A lady with blond hair comes out to talk to Rodney. You walked past the guys, man hugging them and telling them to take care of each other now that you were gone. You waved your final goodbyes to them and made your way to Rodney and the lady. “(Y/n), this is Station Chief Kate Laswell, she supervises all the missions Task Force 141 goes on.” You shook her hand with a slight bow of your head to show respect to her. “Take care of this one Laswell, they’re quite a handful but a handful worth keeping.” He lets out a soft chuckle and you could see that Rodney was a little sad behind those eyes of his, he looks at you and gives you a sincere smile before telling you to take care of yourself and to text him if you need anything. He soon joins the boys to see you off from a distance.

You boarded the aircraft with Laswell, noting that there were a few other officers from your base who were making the trip with you. None of whom you personally knew, you’d find an empty corner and chose to sit there. It wouldn’t hurt to take a nap during the flight over. Despite your eyes being closed, your mind was awake. You heard everything around you, the whispers of you by the other officers on how you were terrifying. Little did they know, you were merely a quiet one and not that scary if they bothered to chat. Even if you didn't like talking to new people thanks to social anxiety, you wouldn't have been that much of a killer if they'd just said hi.

The flight was as smooth as you could get when traveling between bases, you 'woke' up from the nap thanks to Laswell and had helped the rest gather up their bags before touchdown. Soon enough the pilots gave us the announcement that we arrived safely and could depart. You braced yourself, not sure who's in your new squad and whether they were going to be nice enough to you.

You grabbed your bag and gear, 'no reason to be nervous, you're more than capable' you told yourself. You set foot onto the asphalt, sun glaring down at you as if it was foreshadowing your 'bright' future with TF141. Eyes finally adjusting, they set upon only Captain Price. Surprisingly enough the rest of the team wasn't there, you were almost glad until you heard a familiar Scottish accent.

"Sorry capt, tried to get Lt out of his office but apparently he has much more pressing issues to handle before meeting the new recruit- I mean lieutenant." If you recall his name correctly, Soap corrected himself when he saw you. He donned a look that wasn't bad nor good either. You simply chalked it off to the vase incident you two had. "Hell's fuckin' bells if it isn't you, you vase chucking cunt." He chuckles before smacking you lightly behind the head. Well that clears the air, no hard feelings for the past and clearly he was on best friend status with how he greeted you.

Laswell had gone to Price to chat a bit before he walked up to you. "Welcome to our base (Y/n), glad to see that you came prepared already." He pats you on the back before having Soap show you to the barracks. "Didn't catch my name did ya, Sergeant Johnny "Soap" McTavish but I'm not one for the whole formalities shite. Plus you're now part of our fuckin' team, practically family now." He sure does talk, not even the boys from Echo could compete but at least it isn't an awkward silence. "Warrant Officer (Y/n) (Y/L/N). Nice to properly meet you Soap, apologies for the vase." He merely waved you off, laughing and giving you kudos for catching him off guard.

You weren't far off from the barracks from what Soap has told you, glad that you weren't going to lug around your gear for much longer. But you suddenly felt those same eyes from back home on you once more. It almost had you stop in your tracks just to look around, but you didn't. You had a nagging feeling that Soap was gonna bombard you with questions and right now you were in no mood to entertain an interrogation. You tried to ignore it for now. The two of you finally reach the front door to the barracks, with the stalker still watching.

When all of a sudden the door nearly flies off its hinges with 2 guys chasing one another out. "Gaz!- Get back here right the fuck now before I get the old man here!" A British man with tight curls dashes right past you with an American man with hazel hair chasing close behind. You quickly moved aside not wanting to get rammed into. "Steamin' hell- well that was Gaz and Alex, although you won't see Alex around base too often as he's helping a special someone back in the Urzikstani Liberation Force. More on that later!"

Soap proceeded to drag you to your room. "Nothing too fancy, just consider yourself lucky not having to share a bunk with the other guys." It was pretty similar to your apartment and way better than your barrack back home. Although, it was a little more on the luxury end of a military barrack. The common room was rather spacious, that in itself was a major difference from what you had back home. Soap had shown you the little break room they had if the squad decides to eat a meal together. Soap stated specifically to not eat in the common room unless its snacks aren't messy, this was because a certain member was rather particular on the barracks cleanliness. He did not specify who exactly it was. Soap shows you to your personal room. You thanked Soap for the tour before deciding to place your stuff down and organize them into their respective spots.

Once you were done, you realized it was already 7pm there. It's been 2 hours since you touched down and you are definitely long overdue for a good wash down. That's when you also found out that the barracks here have private bathrooms and not a communal one. You walked into your shower, it wasn't big nor was it small enough to feel stuffy from being in it. Thankfully there were spare towels in the cabinet under the sink, you grabbed it and instantly used it to cover the mirror. You were about to shower when you forgot your toiletries in one of the bags you brought.

Wrapped in a towel, you stepped out to grab your toiletries. You turned to head back for a shower when there was a knock on your door "(Y/n)? We're heading out to a local pub not far from here. Wanted to see if you wanted to come." Unfamiliar voice, probably Gaz. You gave a quick response, agreeing but that you wanted a quick shower before you leave. He gives you the go ahead and you finally take that well needed rinse. You squatted low under the showerhead as you let the harsh mist wash the sweat from your body. You must've zoned out because Soap was hammering on your bathroom door. "Oi! Gaz said you were showering, not fuckin' asleep in there. Hurry up so I can drink Gaz under, you vase cunt!" You hear Soap chuckle at someone's disagreement, that you couldn't quite hear, coming from the common room.

You dried off, taking your dirty clothes and placing them neatly by the sink, before wrapping yourself once again with the towel. "Steamin' Jesus- give a brother a heads up!" You caught Soap by surprise when you stepped out, receiving a slightly disturbed look by him before he turned to leave. You quickly grabbed some cargo pants, a crew neck instead of the usual as you weren't in the mood for a hassle, and chose the half-face balaclava and a cap. You pocketed your burner phone and wallet after putting on a simple pair of gloves.

"Finally the diva is out, shite. Gaz and Alex meet (Y/n), pretty sure you remember the fucker Alex." He giggles after his little comment to Alex before it turns into a full blown cackle after seeing Alex grimace. You mentally noted to apologize for whatever you did. Soap grabs you and starts pushing you out the barracks door, only to be greeted by a 6 '2 (189cm) man with a lower half of a skull painted on his balaclava. You dug your foot into the concrete just in time to not get pushed into the man in front of you. Soap smacks his face into your back causing him to groan.

"(Y/n), this is Lieutenant Riley." Price walks up from behind the man. Oddly enough, his presence felt familiar, but you dont think it's in a good way. "I think he prefers-" Soap butts in but is interrupted immediately. "Just Ghost will do soldier.” Ghost shot a glare towards Soap, garnering chuckles from the rest of the squad. Price beckons for you guys to get into a pickup truck as enough time has been wasted. He also called for you to ride shotgun while the rest sat in the cargo bed. You followed as told, sitting next to the captain as he started the engine and drove the whole lot of you towards the pub they frequented.

"Enjoy your personal space here? I know it isn't much but if there's anything you need, do let me know." Price shot a smile at you before knocking the small window behind both of you, letting the rest know that we'll be reaching soon. Price finds a spot that is right next to the pub's entrance. "Try to relax, I know we pulled you from your downtime so use this as both a welcome gesture and an apology for pulling you to base." He spoke softly as if the rest could hear. Once the truck came to a stop, your door was yanked open and similar to the door you were next to be yanked.

Soap practically pulled you out the truck like nothing, laughter from Gaz and Alex soon followed. The trio dragged you into the small English pub, definitely different from the usual bar scene you were used to with Echo. You just hope that they had something you could drink. The trio sat by a booth not far from where the bar was as Ghost and Price went to. Alex got up to get a round for the booth, coming back with 2 tall boys in each of his hands before passing them out. Despite not liking beer, you took it to be polite.

The three chatted amongst each other catching up from what seemed like individual assignments while you took sips of your beer. You turned to Alex, "I wanna apologize for the uh, incident..?" Alex simply leaned his head sideways, "Don't even sweat it greenie, you happened to just come back from something traumatic. Just don't remind Soap- too late…"

Before Alex had the chance to finish, Soap’s ears had perked up. He starts retelling his version of the incident. Soap had swapped watch duty with Alex to grab a bite and after he felt rather nice because he had grabbed snacks for Alex. He came back to med bay when he saw the doctors trying to pull you off Alex who was honestly too flustered and confused at what just went down. "Okay, in my defense, I just walked in and all I saw was bare ass. Sorry (y/n), but honestly that gown did jack shit for your ass. Why do medical gowns not cover ass even?" Alex stuttered as he tried to defend himself.

Your cheeks now flushed red, you had almost spat the sip of beer in your mouth when Alex brought up 'bare ass'. Apparently, the doctors at med bay were doing their daily checkup on you when you came to again. You had assumed the worst and were defending yourself, Alex had caught you by surprise when he walked in. Soap literally had to pull you off him as Alex was too confused at what went down. You couldn’t blame him either, how would you react if some random soldier jumped you and you were flat on the ground within 5 seconds?

You thank Soap in your head for segwaying into messing with Alex and how he reacts to shit that happens out the blue. Gaz simply chuckled and soon added onto the teasing. You took this opportunity to slink your way to the bar for some alone time. You wait for the bartender and when they come to you, you simply tell them to keep your shot glass filled with vodka and a glass of bourbon constantly topped up till you tell them to stop. You were a heavyweight drinker and knew that it took a shit ton of drinks to actually feel somewhat drunk. Guess you could thank the sleepless nights for building your tolerance to alcohol.

You were down 10 shots of vodka and 2 glasses of bourbon, picking at the threads that lined your forearm while tuning out the noise of the rest of the pub. You didn’t notice Price walked up and sat next to you. “So how did Laswell get to know you (y/n), CIA then soldier? Cause if she sent you, you got one hell of a track record.” Price was the one to start up a chat. Captain being proactive and learning about the new member before anyone else, nothing you weren’t used to. “Seventeen years climbing the ranks from Navy to Seal, but I’m sure you’ve seen my file Capt.” You felt that whenever your team captain asked how or why you got transferred over, that they surely already know about your past in the military. “That's quite a lot of years in service. How did you become a soldier, you grew up with a soldier parent? or was it just something you wanted to do?”

You decide to entertain Price's questions, nothing to hide after all. “No. Dad died and I left mom after college. Somehow ended up in the Navy. After 5 years there, I was promoted to a Lt. I decided to transfer to special ops, did BUDS and DEVGRU training that took another 5 years, the last 7 years was doing missions with Echo Team wherever we were needed.”

Price hums in response as he lights a cigar. “Life's tough soldier. But as long as you have a good team, it becomes a little less hard. What's your opinion on war?” The question threw you off, no one had questioned why any of you were sent to war. “dumb politics. the only reason for war. politicians feeling the need to one up each other, and at what cost? Their brave soldiers and the lives of innocent civs.”

“I agree. Politicians send our boys to hell and for what, money? power? they're not the ones fighting or dying. But it’s for the better good of maintaining some resemblance to world peace.” Price gave a response that you’d expect from someone who’s been in the military for a while. You were glad that both of you were on the same page. “So, how do you deal with stress? I’m sure a soldier as experienced as you must’ve got some way to cope, enlighten me.” Price asked as he finished the glass of whiskey he brought over. You chuckled, “I’m sure it’s similar to any of the others, vices. Drinking, smoking. That's about it.” You followed suit and downed your own glass. He waves for the bartender, offering you some whiskey to which you felt that you couldn’t turn down.

“To The soldiers that made the ultimate sacrifice.” Price holds up his hand up his glass to cheer.”To those we lost along the way, the bravest ones as well.” You smiled sadly under your mask, remembering your partner that you lost on a mission. The two of you take a drink from your glasses. “Aight enough about the heavy subject soldier. What was the funniest thing that happened to you in the military?” You appreciated the change in topics, you sit and think for a bit before remembering what Echo did recently. “Being given a trophy that reads "The best 2IC of the year", I brought it over from base.” You laughed, the mixture of alcohol has definitely made you looser than you’d normally are. You asked for your last shot and glass of bourbon from the bartender.

Price took it as it was time to head back to base, turning to the boys in the booth and being met with the sight of Alex with his head down on the table and Gaz slurring at a Soap who’s for sure too drunk for his own good as he himself was slurring random Scottish gibberish while laughing. Price stood up and headed towards Ghost who was simply drinking water as he smoked, letting him know that he'll drive the team back. Ghost took his last puff before heading to the booth. He grabs Soap by the back of the collar dragging the drunken Scott out the booth before gently getting Gaz and wrapping his arm around his neck. Ghost with the two drunks walks his way out the pub and to the truck, setting them in the cargo bed. You down your drinks quickly to help Ghost with Alex who was clearly too hammered. You slowly guided him out the booth before slinging his arm around your neck and walking him to the truck. You pass him off to Ghost once you reach the cargo bed.

You only managed to get one foot on the step of the bumper bracket when Price walked out as he thanked the bartender. “(Y/n), you’re sitting passenger, I’ll handle the boys back here.” You tried to offer to watch the boys when he reassured you that this was the usual routine the team had. You weren’t gonna argue with the man so you stepped down and headed to the passenger side and entered. You buckled the seat belt and Ghost took his seat on the driver side. He buckles himself before knocking on the glass window behind him, letting Price know that he was about to start the drive back.

“What’s with the mask.” Ghost took you by surprise with that conversation starter, his focus still locked on the road. “Keeping my face to myself, maybe for the right people I can trust.” You were sure he saw what you looked like, especially since he was one of the people who came to your rescue. “Don’t worry, Price made sure no one saw your face when he found you.” It was as if the broody British man read your mind, it was a relief to say the least. You decided to shoot the same question back, similarly curious as to why he wore a mask himself. “Same reason as you.” That was it. One sentence. It was painfully honest that he did not want to indulge in sharing more than necessary. Not pushing, you nod in response and go back to staring out the window.

“Anyone back home, family or partner?” You wanted to question why he wanted to know more about you, maybe it’s just to see if he can trust you or hell just to know you. But it did break his character, or the infamous character everyone labeled him. “No. Dad died, disappeared from mom’s life. No partner.” He hums, tapping on the wheel as if the cogs in his head turns as he looks for a response but doesn’t. That’s where the line of questioning from your fellow lieutenant. The rest of the ride was simply filled with an oddly comfortable silence and the sound of the wheel rolling over the gravel road as you pulled up to the gates to base.

Ghost drives through base to park up by the parking lot closest to your barracks. “Help Price dump the boys in the common room. They’ll go to their rooms in the morning.” He states as he parks the truck. You hopped out and headed to the cargo bed, opening the tailgate door and pulling Soap to the edge to get him safely. Price lays Gaz on the couch while Ghost sets Alex on the recliner, leaving no spot for Soap. Ghost tells you to just drop him on the floor and you do. You walk into the communal kitchen to grab a drink before stepping out for a cigarette.

You settled for a bottle of water to help hydrate yourself and prepare for the headache you'll get in the morning. You sat on the step leading to the entrance of the barrack, lighting a cigarette once you were comfortable. You sat there for a while, smoking alone and looking at the sky. You were glad the balaclava was thin, allowing you to take a drag without even lifting your mask. You touched your clothed face, reminded that you are scarred and that no one will look at your face without fear. You chuckled at the thought that stumbled into your mind, maybe Jordan would laugh instead of fear you, just like the older sister she is.

Just as you finish that thought, Ghost walks up next to you. “Can’t sleep, soldier?” “Not that, just not ready to sleep.” You lit another cigarette, not wanting to say that your mind was still yelling at you on random topics. You take a drag before asking “You? Why are you out here?” No answer, nothing not to be expected of the silent man. You tap at the cigarette, tapping the ash off onto the gravel. You offered, to which Ghost surprisingly took a stick from your pack of cheap cigarettes. Once again like the drive back, the both of you sat in silence. A comfortable quiet, one that both of you welcomed.

You were finished with your cigarette, getting up, you pat Ghost’s back before heading back in. He grunts in response. You threw the bottle away before checking up on the three that were out cold. You decided to place blankets on them before stepping into your room. You looked around, a bed you weren’t familiar with, four walls which enclose you in this new unfamiliarity. Your new room. Just like before, when you were first tasked to Echo team. But this time, no one was around to silence the voices. Those you had to kill, their pleas for mercy despite the heinous crime they committed mere seconds before, the cries of your fellow brothers and sisters in arms dying in your arms. No one to yell at each other to keep quiet so that anyone could sleep, no sound of someone watching a video on the lowest volume yet it was too loud for anyone to ignore, or even the sound of someone’s loved one on a call, talking like it was going to be the last call they’ll ever make.

Now you were left in the silence of these four walls in a country you weren’t familiar with. Surrounded with soldiers you knew nothing about except for the rumors about them and the long tales of the missions that they’ve come to complete. What were you there for? Whose shoe did you have to fill now? Questions like that started to plague you, filling your mind with doubt that you belonged. You weren’t meant to leave Echo, you certainly didn’t deserve a place in a prestigious team like Task Force 141. Right?

You threw your clothing to the side, tears on the brinks of escape. You laid on the bed, in your garments. Wondering if it was truly your own thoughts or it was just the effects of the alcohol. You drifted to sleep, still questioning yourself as you fell deeper into the nightmare that awaits you in the hours to come.

A/N:

I KNOW- It's a long awaited chapter release, but between college and my health, it's been hard to get anything out. I've been chasing deadlines with all my projects on top of trying to not fall sick since catching Covid (thanks to my weak immune system). Not to mention the mountain of ideas that keeps flooding so it was hard to figure out how I wanted this to play out without revealing too much. Thank you to my proof reader for helping make sure this chapter has little to no grammatical errors and that the writing was perfect for you readers!

TAGLIST:

@thychuvaluswife @tiny-kasper @tapioca-marzipan @rafaelacallinybbay @idkbroimjusthere @wolfyland07 @berryjuicyy

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cryoculus · 1 year

Text

— guard dog 03 ⟢

pairing: thoma x assassin!reader

summary: having lived the life you had, you've always known your sins would catch up to you one day. what you didn't expect, however, is to find unlikely friends in the midst of it.

word count: 4.7k words

notable characters: thoma, kamisato ayaka

tags: found family, enemies to lovers, slow burn, angst, eventual smut

warnings: nightmares, alcohol consumption, allusions to past murders

header art cr: bear_nyanM on twt

masterlist

It was safe to say that you hardly got a wink of sleep after that.

On top of the unpleasant dream that woke you up in the first place, Thoma’s words made you restless all night. What did he mean you reminded him of himself? Last you checked, you weren’t as overbearing as he was.

But on your mission to make sense of the conversation you’d unknowingly eavesdropped, the sun had eventually pittered through the windows. One by one, your fellow retainers had started waking up.

The day you’d been cleared of any ‘medical conditions’, you were given a futon and locker of your own in the attendants’ bedchambers. There, you shared the same living space as the rest of them—a fact that you’d had a tough time coming to terms with the first few nights.

You’d been so accustomed to taking shelter in caves and abandoned shrines that the thought of all these people falling asleep in your company gave you whiplash.

It’s not as if they knew, though.

Most of them didn’t have the slightest clue. That they shouldn’t trust someone who came out of nowhere just because their superiors insisted. That they shouldn’t be complacent in the company of someone who could massacre them before they could wake up.

“Oi.”

Eyes still heavy with fatigue, you turned to the woman who occupied the space to your right. You sighed. Ayame had already rolled up her futon and was impatiently tapping her foot against the tatami. From the irate look on her face, you could tell that she’d found a new reason to be mad at you today.

Well. You did drug her the first time you met her. And steal all her clothes before attempting to kill the lady of the house. The hostility was well-founded, you thought.

“You’ve been tossing and turning so much that you kept me awake,” she grumbled. “What, your conscience suddenly catching up to you?”

You laughed, smoothing down your bedhead. “Keep dreaming.”

Despite how she spoke to you when she knew no one else could hear, Ayame kept her mouth shut about the truth. You were damn sure that it took every ounce of willpower for her not to rat you out to Ayaka herself, but the poor attendant acted in confidence. Always.

Just how much did Thoma bribe her to keep quiet?

Later that morning, you made your way to the estate’s entrance in spite of your glaring sleep deprivation. It was Madarame Hyakubei who’d disseminated the retainers’ tasks for the day—meaning both Thoma and Ayaka weren’t in the premises.

Of course, you weren’t just going to let a golden opportunity like that slide.

“Mornin’, Miss Kira!”

Freezing in your tracks, you shot the guard who called your attention a wary smile. “S-Sir Hirano, good morning to you, too.”

“Are you…headed out by any chance?” He flashed you a sunny smile with traces of suspicion clearly seen beneath his guise. “Sorry to break it to you, but Master Thoma put us guards on strict orders to keep you safe inside the manor.”

Your eye twitched. The meddlesome bastard…

“Ah? But I won’t take long,” you insisted with a pout. “Just a quick herb-gathering session at Chinju Forest won’t hurt, right?”

As you tried to step around him, Hirano halted you with a large stride of his own—obscuring your path by extending the polearm in his hand.

“No can do, miss. It’ll do us no good if you’re caught out there by the representatives of the Tenryou Commission, you know?” he sighed. “And without Lady Kamisato and Master Thoma to speak on your behalf, it’ll be too easy for them to present a warrant and throw you in jail.”

…Something about the way Hirano spoke made you wonder if Thoma informed the guards of your real identity beforehand.

From what you’d gathered last night, the Commissioner seemed to be in on the whole charade, too. It would make sense for him to alert security should you pull any escape acts while he was away. Just like what you were trying to do right now.

But whether or not Hirano knew about the truth, one thing was for certain.

Everyone in the Yashiro Commission trusted Thoma—so much that you almost found it ridiculous.

Ayame was content with letting things play out, in spite of what happened to her for being in your way. Sure, she harbored a certain degree of resentment for what you tried to do, but you assumed that Thoma must have put in a good word for what he has planned if she was as agreeable to it as she was.

Then there were the guards. They were all under the Yashiro Commission, yes, but at the end of the day, every individual in the Tri-Commission reported to the Raiden Shogun herself. Yet these men decided to turn a blind eye and trusted the judgement of the chief retainer instead.

Last was…the Commissioner. Kamisato Ayato.

His fellow retainers would be easy for Thoma to convince, you were sure. Most commoners didn’t usually question what the higher-ups would order them to do—they just did it. But that wasn’t the case with Ayato.

The Commissioner knew about the attempt you’d made at her sister’s life. And he rightfully questioned Thoma’s decision to keep you captive in the estate, just like any logical head of a clan would do. If he felt like it, Ayato could even overrule the chief retainer’s orders and have you thrown in jail, where you belonged.

But you were still here.

Eventually, you gave up on trying to convince Hirano to let you outside in exchange for doing your share of the daily chores. Today, you were assigned to polish the floorboards in the pavilion, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t spend every minute of it in careful contemplation.

It’s a bit pathetic, how you let your mind get overrun by thoughts of Thoma, of all people.

He was the man who forced you into a corner. The one who forced this sudden change in lifestyle onto your plate. But you couldn’t help it.

You’ve been alone since you’d fled Yashiori Island all those years ago. Never lingering in one place for too long. Never forging bonds that lasted beyond a written contract.

You could never win people over the way Thoma so effortlessly does everyday.

Now that you thought about it, he was the perfect aide for Ayaka. The perfect guard dog. They shared the same principles, had nearly the same amount of charisma, and balanced each other out in a way you couldn’t quite put into words.

You wondered what it felt like to find a match as perfect as that.

“Ah, Miss Kira? Are you busy? Can you help me carry these to the kitchen…?”

One of the attendants called out, and you immediately snapped out of your momentary trance. You took the time to spare yourself a soft laugh before turning to her. Right. You shouldn’t think about it too much. Doing that would make you falter.

You never falter.

“Yeah! Be there in a sec.”

The next day, you were invited to accompany Ayaka to Konda Village.

Madarame Hyakubei broke the news over breakfast, and you merely nodded along as you sleepily stuffed yourself with egg-on-rice. You didn't sleep any good last night, either.

Though, when Madarame went back to his post at the reputations board, it finally hit you.

You were going outside the estate.

For the first time in two weeks.

In an instant, any semblance of drowsiness had vanished from your body. The idea made you...excited? Overjoyed? You could finally ditch this place and rearrange your plans. Archon knows that the heart of the enemy’s territory wasn’t the most conducive environment to scheme.

But of course, you couldn’t possibly have it as easy as you wanted.

“Nice weather we’re having, huh?”

Thoma was suspiciously cheerful as the three of you made the trip to Konda Village. But you couldn’t exactly file any complaints, since Ayaka didn’t seem to have any problem with his jovial nonsense.

Well. If you can’t beat them, join them.

“Milady, if I may ask, why are you heading over there yourself?” you wondered aloud. “Don’t you usually just let the other retainers take care of matters involving the public?”

Ayaka sighed, keeping her eyes forward. “Miss Kira, you know how the Yashiro Commission is in charge of the cultural and ceremonial affairs of Inazuma, yes?”

You nodded slowly.

“The people of Konda Village are one of our closest associates when it comes to the festivals held at Amakane Island,” she continued. “They coordinate with the Yashiro Commission to make sure each festival is a memorable one. And given the nature of our relationship, it’s only normal for us to…pay our respects where they are due.”

The dismal tone that accompanied her words made you scrunch your face in confusion, but before you could ask her to elaborate further—

“Lady Ayaka? Is that you?”

A girl, no older than ten years old maybe, gaped at the sight of the princess as the ball in her hands bounced idly on the ground. The next moment, she squealed in delight before running straight to Ayaka.

“You’re here,” the girl nearly sobbed. “You’re really here.”

You expected someone of Ayaka’s status to blanche a bit at the girl’s sudden gesture, but the princess crouched down so that her eyes were leveled with hers—smiling kindly.

“I promised, didn’t I, Futaba?” she sighed, smoothing down the girl's braids. “Do you happen to know where Takeru is?”

Sniffling, the girl—Futaba—pulled away. “He’s at the graveyard with Grandpa and the rest. They’ve already begun the preparations but…I wanted to wait for you.”

You didn’t have the slightest clue as to what was going on, and could only look at Thoma for some clarity. Not that the chief retainer was much help, though. He merely shot you a look that basically said: you’ll see.

Ayaka let Futaba lead the three of you to the cemetery in the outskirts of the village, where most of its citizens seemed to have gathered in numbers for the day. They were lighting incense for two gravestones in particular.

Upon your arrival, an elderly man who you recognized as the village chief greeted Ayaka with a solemn look in his eyes.

“I’m glad you could make it, Lady Kamisato,” he sighed. “Futaba refused to leave until she was sure you’d show up.”

Ayaka shook his hand sincerely. “Your village has been helping the Yashiro Commission for generations now. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

Up ahead, a priestess cited a prayer in honor of the two souls who’d passed, and you wondered if they’d just recently died. But when you saw the names etched onto the surface of each headstone, you felt a crackling chill skid up the length of your spine.

You’ve only been to Konda Village once in the past. For a job assigned by an anonymous contact from Inazuma City’s underworld. You were given the names of the two men he wanted dead by morning, and you’d carried out the task not three hours since it was issued.

Konda Takuya and Sango Akihito. Those were the men you’d taken out this time last year.

Those were the names engraved on the headstones before you.

“Lady Ayaka?”

Snapping out of your stone-cold realization, you watched as Futaba emerged from the crowd with a boy in tow. This one was probably Takeru. Both of them held two bowls in each hand—offering them all to the village chief, Ayaka, Thoma, and yourself.

“It’s not much but…we learned the recipe from a doctor that traveled into the village once,” Futaba said shyly. “Lavender melon soup is said to have some soothing properties that— Big sister…?”

The young girl stared at you with both concern and disappointment when the bowl she’d given you fell to the ground, splattering its contents in the process. Your lungs seemed to tighten as you eyed the rich violet broth—that familiar, sickeningly sweet scent wafting to your nose.

Suddenly, you’re underneath the perpetual thunderstorms of Yashiori as the cold, cold rain beat against your skin once more.

You didn’t know you were shaking so badly until Ayaka put a hand on your shoulder.

“Thoma,” she spoke quietly, but you could feel the weight of her concern through her fingers alone. “Can you accompany Miss Kira for a quick walk?”

The last thing you wanted, of course, was to be left alone with the man who was probably—definitely—behind your distress in the first place.

“What are you trying to do?” you growled, yanking Thoma by his pendant once you’d gotten far enough from the cemetery. “Guilt me into giving it up? Well, I have some news for you. I’ve never turned down a job out of guilt. Not once. Not ever.”

He stared at you passively—those hauntingly green eyes devoid of their usual mirth. Thoma pressed his lips into a thin line before carding his fingers into his golden hair.

And then, he spoke your name. Your real name.

“It was a little tricky to dig up some dirt on you, you know?” The chief retainer sighed, disengaging himself from your grasp. “But of course, I have my ways. Your record is quite interesting, too. Born and raised in Higi Village. Adopted by a doctor named Suzuki Naoko. Killed said doctor in cold blood before traveling to Inazuma City to debut as a mercenary. That’s a loaded resumé for sure.”

It was no surprise that someone like him managed to glean all that in just a few weeks, though some details might have been obscured in the process. You made a reputation for yourself for being nearly untraceable; prided yourself for it, even.

And Thoma here singlehandedly trampled on all that confidence.

“What,” you began, eyes closed as you drew in a long breath, “are you trying to do?”

When you opened them again, Thoma managed a placid smile—one that emphasized the dimples on both of his cheeks. It’s the first time you noticed them, but your mind was in too much of a disarray to think about them too much.

“Reminding you.”

You grimaced. “Of what?”

Instead of just answering directly, Thoma gestured for you to sit with him at the village chief’s front porch. You hesitantly complied.

The heat of the afternoon was near sweltering. Konda Village was smack in the middle of Byakko Plain, and offered no shade whatsoever from the harsh glare of the sun. As you lamented the onset of summer, Thoma nursed his bowl of lavender soup in the silence. You wondered what he thought of the taste.

Then, you set your gaze farther into the distance.

Up ahead, the Grand Narukami Shrine stood tall above all else on the island. Wisps of mystical energy coiled itself around the mountain before disappearing straight into the cloudless sky. You could see it clearly even in broad daylight.

Back then, you never gave yourself the time nor the leisure to admire the marvels of the land like this.

“Do you know where the men of this village are, Miss Kira?”

Peeling your eyes away from the shrine, you shot Thoma a pointed look.

“Back to fake-name basis now, are we?” you observed, inching your sandals closer together. “Well, able-bodied men are usually drafted as the Raiden Shogun’s soldiers. I’m assuming it’s the same here?”

He nodded. “Those two were soldiers who were permitted a weekend off in their hometown. Konda Takuya was the village chief’s son. Takeru’s father. He was good friends with Sango Akihito, so it would make sense for their children to get along well.”

…Then that meant Akihito was Futaba’s father.

Thoma set his now empty bowl aside, stretching his long legs until his feet touched the ground. “Last year, we were contacted by the village chief about a double murder case. No one saw the culprit; it happened right under everyone’s noses, he said.” When his green-eyed gaze met yours, you nearly shivered.

“Takeru and Futaba were the ones who found them by the riverbank. Their bodies turning the water red with rot.” The blond breathed out a laugh that held no amusement. “The Tenryou Commission was the one who handled the case, and Milady and I were just there as the village chief’s friends. But still, it made me wonder…”

He braced his palm on the wooden platform, and you caught the scent of aralia trees and musk before you noticed Thoma leaning forward. Your eyes widened at the sudden close proximity—becoming all sorts of vulnerable under his gaze. You could even feel the warmth of his Pyro Vision grazing the side of your clothed leg.

Yet you hardly moved an inch.

“What was going through the killer’s head when he did this to the men who steadily provided income for Konda Village?” Thoma spoke quietly. “Did he think about what their deaths would leave behind? How much sorrow his actions could invoke into a community as small as this?”

With how close he was to you, each word that tumbled out of Thoma’s mouth made gooseflesh prickle the skin of your shoulders. But before you could snap at him to knock it off, the blond pulled away—making you heave a breath you hadn’t known you were holding.

“Probably not, right?” he sighed, lacing his fingers together on his lap.

“I’ve seen what grief does to a person. Sometimes the people left behind pick themselves up and move on. But at other times, the damage is irreparable.” A pause. “It’s a good thing the children are too young to fully comprehend their grief, and the elderly, too accustomed to be fully consumed by it.”

As if on cue, the wind picked up the next moment. You held the folds of your yukata in place as you watched the carp streamers sway in the breeze. To your side, Thoma got back to his feet, patting the dust off his clothes. The blond strands framing his face mimicked the movement of the windsocks on the chief’s front lawn.

You’re right, you wanted to tell him. I never once wondered what happens after the carnage I leave behind.

Another question hovered in your mind.

One you’ve been dying to ask since you’d overheard his conversation with Ayato.

So how could someone like you see himself in someone like me?

But…you never got the words out. All those questions swiftly burned out on your tongue until all you could taste were the ashes of uncertainty.

In the silence, Thoma turned to look at you once more.

“I hope you remember this, Miss Kira,” he resumed, voice still barely a touch above a whisper. “That actions have consequences, whether or not you’re the one who’ll be picking up the pieces in the end.”

His words sunk in like a sedative coursing through your veins—numbing out anything else aside from the desolate tone that accompanied the spiel.

You couldn't believe it. This man was lecturing you about right and wrong like you were a toddler who didn’t know otherwise. And he had the gall to comment about your roundabout methods to assassinate his charge when he orchestrated all this? Just to…what? Prove a point?

“Did you seriously think you can just convert me into a law-abiding citizen with an unsolicited speech?” you scoffed.

“Of course not,” he laughed. “I’m not as delusional as you take me to be, Miss Kira. I just hoped a little nudge would let you see things in a...different light.”

You were about to tell him you’re not the only one who’ll be seeing different lights as you balled your fists, but your nefarious intentions had been rudely interrupted.

“There you are!”

Down the main road, you could spot Ayaka and the rest of the villagers returning from the cemetery. The princess had two kids in tow, and in spite of yourself, you wondered if you’d offended Futaba by throwing that lavender melon soup into the ground.

“Miss Kira, are you alright? You seemed a bit ill earlier,” Ayaka asked once they’d arrived—fussing over you almost immediately. “Those injuries of yours… Do they still hurt? Archons, I knew I shouldn’t have invited you out so soon.”

…Invited you out? So making you come along had been Ayaka’s plan all along?

As the princess inspected your arms in earnest, you shot Thoma another incredulous look, which the chief retainer only returned with a shrug.

“I’m sorry, big sister…”

To your side, Futaba rubbed her eyes as Takeru sniffled behind her. “I thought my lavender melon soup made you sick. Maybe I should improve the recipe with Grandpa a little…”

You didn’t know what compelled you to refute her assumptions so quickly, but you did.

“Hey,” you managed dryly. “Um, that’s—that’s not it at all, buddy. I’m still recovering from a bunch of nasty injuries. In fact, I used to make the same stuff you gave us as a kid.”

That seemed to surprise her. “Really? You made lavender melon soup, too?”

“Yep. My…dad hammered the recipe into my head.” You chuckled, tapping a finger to your temple.

For the first time today, Takeru spoke out loud, despite the string of snot dribbling down his chin. “B-Big sister, can you teach us?”

Ayaka sighed as she procured a handkerchief from her pockets—dabbing it on the poor boy’s face. “I’m certain she would be willing to do that. Right, Miss Kira?”

With the flow of conversation suddenly having been directed your way, you were hyper aware of the fact that the rest of the adults had gone back to their respective homes. Only the village chief was left lingering on the property. He seemed to be busy sorting out his lavender melon supply on the foyer.

You gulped, turning to Takeru as he gazed up at you with hopeful eyes. It’s been so long since anyone has looked at you not with fear for their lives, but with a childlike expectation. Futaba wore the same expression as well, and all that you could think of at that moment was—

Stop, you thought—an indescribable feeling settling over your chest. Don’t look at me like that. I’m the one who killed your fathers. I’m the one who made your lives miserable.

If you thought about it hard enough, you could still remember. The thick, humid air that pervaded your senses as you dumped two lifeless bodies in the river uphill. The bottomless pit that dug itself in your heart all these years. You felt nothing as you left those hapless men for dead.

But right now, with their children looking at you like you were anything but a monster—

“Well, if we’re having a cooking session, we best start now, no?”

Thoma’s voice was quick to reel you from that downward spiral. You even jolted at the sound of it. All of a sudden, you didn’t have the blood of countless innocents caking your fingernails down to the beds anymore.

In your hands was a clay pot that the chief retainer had unceremoniously dropped onto your palms.

“Come on.” He snapped his fingers in front of you. “We don’t have all day.”

Ayaka nodded as she straightened herself out. “Miss Kira, I’m a bit interested in how you would cook lavender melon soup. You always seem to avoid kitchen duty whenever it comes around, so…”

“Gee, I wonder why,” you mumbled—giving Thoma the stink eye.

“Big sister, teach us. Teach us!” Takeru whined, tugging at the hem of your yukata.

You sighed, tucking the pot beneath your arm as you marched to the village chief’s well.

This didn’t change anything. You were still the culprit behind a traumatic experience for the very same kids following you around like ducklings. Doing this for them would only atone for a fraction of what you had done.

And Archons knew the blood price for your sins would have to be paid in full someday.

“So first, we need to boil a lot of water,” you instructed. “And I mean, a lot.”

(Later, as everyone sat around the well—sick to their stomachs from eating too much of the miracle soup you hadn’t made in years—you wondered.

When was the last time you ever repented for the crimes you’ve committed?)

The soft breeze grazed your cheeks as you quietly sipped on your saucer. Madarame hadn’t been kidding around when he said the deliveries from Inazuma City had a bite to them.

That, or you were just unused to holding your liquor nowadays.

It was well past midnight, and you were seated all alone in the pavilion. Of course, the ever-vigilant Kamisato guards still kept a close eye on every move you made, but were kind enough to leave you to your own devices. Besides, evening tea with Ayaka had been such a staple in these nights you spent in the estate that failure to have drinks under the moon felt like a crime.

Even if Ayaka was currently accompanying her brother to a series of week-long meetings at the Tenshukaku. Even if what you were drinking was actually savory sweet rice wine.

“That’s some good stuff you got there.”

You rolled your eyes.

“And I’m not sharing,” you announced, holding the ceramic jar to your chest as Thoma sat a few feet away. “Everyone else declined when Madarame put one of the Commissioner’s stocks up for grabs.”

He stared at you, amused. “So that means I’m not allowed to have a say in it? Because I just got back now?”

“Sometimes, I’m glad you’re as bright as you are.” You grinned sheepishly, abandoning the saucer as you took a swig straight from the jar. “How’s the princess?”

“As unintentionally charming as she always is,” he supplied. “So, what’s keeping you up at this hour? Could’ve sworn you’d be plotting your escape in bed by now.”

“Shhh.”

You leaned across the platform, stretching out your hand until your index finger was pressed against the plush give of Thoma’s lips—hiccuping in the process.

“No one’s s’posed to know that,” you half-groaned, half-slurred. “What if somebody overhears, huh? They’ll get the wrong idea and think I’m a fugitive.”

“But you are a fugitive,” Thoma reminded, grabbing your wrist with an unexpected gentleness as he pulled your finger away. “You’re Kira of the resistance. Loyal servant to Her Excellency, Sangonomiya, and temporary retainer to the Kamisato House.”

You didn’t pay attention to his attempt at being a smartass. Instead, your eyes roved to where his gloved fingers enclosed themselves around your wrist.

Thoma’s hands were much larger than yours. Fingertips more calloused, which was saying something because the years hadn’t exactly been kind to your fair maiden palms either. And above all, his skin was warm. The kind of warm you’d only ever felt a long time ago.

Snuggling under the blankets as Mother read you stories to bed. Eating dinner by the fireplace as Doctor Naoko praised your progress in learning human anatomy.

You shook off his grip.

“I’m getting a little sleepy, Master Thoma,” you sighed dramatically as you tried to stand up. “Could you take this back to the kitchen and store it somewhere? I don’t think I can…”

There’s a distant sound of something shattering against a hard surface that reached your ears. But you barely heard it over the sound of your own heartbeat. You looked up in red-faced trepidation when Thoma caught you by the waist before you could fall off the platform—breath hitching in your throat as you drank in the sight of him.

During all those little tea parties with Ayaka come evening, Thoma never once tried to step in. Something about preserving the integrity of a ladies’ chit-chat, or whatever. But from the way he’d comment on the lies you’d fed the princess the night prior, you were almost certain he’d be at least eavesdropping from a safe distance.

It’s a shame he wouldn’t join you two, really.

He looked gorgeous under the moonlight.

“Miss Kira…”

The last thing you remembered before falling into slumber were the endless emerald of his eyes—and how you didn’t quite mind getting lost in their labyrinth.

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#genshin impact #genshin #genshin fanfic #genshin smut #genshin fanfiction #genshin x reader #thoma fanfic #thoma smut #thoma x reader #genshin scenarios #genshin headcanons #cryoculus #genshin thoma #guard dog

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navybrat817 · 8 months

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Sign the Dotted Line

Pairing: Sugar Daddy!Andy Barber x Female Reader Summary: You discuss the terms with Estelle and wait the week before seeing Andy again. Word Count: Over 3.5k Warnings: Slow burn, reader is broke (is that a warning?), sugar daddy offer, tension, slight insecurities, inner monologue, Andy Barber (he's a warning, okay?) Graphic talent and thanks: Banner - @sgt-seabass, Divider - @firefly-graphics , Header - yours truly A/N: Welcome back to my Terms and Conditions AU! Beta read by the lovely @whisperlullaby (thanks!), but any and all mistakes are my own. ❤️ Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

You had a hard time relaxing after your meeting with Andy. You couldn’t put your finger on why you were wound up. The discussion went well, even better than you expected. Andy wasn’t pushy considering the power he wielded, but also wasn’t a pushover when you questioned him or offered alternatives. He conducted himself the way you needed him to, both professionally and personally. If he hadn’t, you’d have a much harder time going along with his contact.

So why am I so restless?

Estelle, once again reminding you why she was one of the best friends a girl could have, stopped by your place with wine and pizza. “You were not about to tell me over the phone what happened. Once I get this passed out, dish.”

Your friend was unusually quiet as you gave her the rundown of the meeting and terms you agreed to. It meant a lot that she listened, but you expected her to chime in once or twice with her opinion as she refilled your glasses of wine. Was she thinking carefully about what to say or did she not have anything to add?

“I have three questions for you,” she said, drumming her manicured nails along her glass. “First, why didn’t you accept his higher offer for more money each month?”

There it is.

“Because it was an excessive amount of money considering he’s going to pay my bills and rent, along with getting me a new wardrobe AND a personal driver. Unless I’m going out with you or our friends, it doesn’t sound like I’m going to pay for anything.”

Saying it out loud made you shift uncomfortably in your chair. Everything you had was because you worked for it. Soon, you wouldn't even work at the diner. To think the next nine months you wouldn’t work? It didn't sound real.

It didn't sound like you.

“All I'm saying is you could’ve used that extra money for savings,” she pointed out with a raise of her glass. “Or to stock up on wine.”

You snorted a bit, taking a sip of your drink. “I’m still going to put money aside for savings, but the amount he’s going to spend taking care of me? It’s a lot.”

“Doesn’t sound like it’s much to him if he agreed so easily.”

“It’s a lot to me,” you said under your breath.

And I’m not about to take advantage of him.

Andy was going to take care of you like he promised. You had no doubt about that. The world he lived in, maybe it wouldn’t make much of a difference in his bank account to take on your debt for the next nine months. You weren’t going to push for more money when he was giving you the world and then some.

Estelle smiled into her glass. “I haven’t met the guy yet, but I think he likes you because you’re a good person. I mean, he wants you to have dinners with him so he can talk to you and to get to know you even more,” she said, leaning forward when you tried to look away. “Which brings me to my second question. How do you feel about the ‘no sex’ in the contract?”

Your stomach sank a bit, making you wonder if that was why you felt restless when you should’ve been happy. “Is it bad if I say it hurts my ego a little?”

It was irrational to have a bit of a bruised ego. Andy gave you an explanation as to why he didn’t add that clause and it made perfect sense. The fantasy that he wanted you still played out in your mind though. But what would wanting him lead you to? What did you have to offer him besides companionship?

“A little? Mine would’ve hurt a lot,” she joked, causing your face to fall more as your thoughts crushed you. “Sorry. I didn’t mean anything by that. Just because he doesn't have it in the contract doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you. Didn’t you say he complimented the dress, which we knew you looked hot in? And your smile?”

"He did,” you answered, heat creeping up your neck that had nothing to do with the wine. “But Andy is like a full course meal. What the hell am I?"

Estelle wadded up her napkin and threw it at your head, which you dodged. "So are you. If you don't believe me, at least consider yourself to be dessert or a fine wine," she said. You wouldn’t, but you weren’t about to tell her that. "And you know what? I respect the man a hell of a lot more for not adding anything sexual to the contract.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. You said if something happened, he wanted it to be natural or organic. He doesn’t want to take advantage of you. He wants to seduce you the old fashioned way. And I say let him. You can start by taking some of that money he gave you and buy some fancy lingerie.”

You finished your glasses, wondering what Andy liked. Did he like something simple and classic? What colors would get his attention? "I was going to pay you back for the dress and the shoes," you told her.

With a wrinkle of her nose, she snatched the bottle from the table "Those were a gift and I won't accept any money back," she said, pouring the rest of the wine into her glass. You figured that was what she'd say. "And because you offended me, no more wine for you."

"You’re the one who brought that bottle, so your rules," you reminded her as she shot you a look. "Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have offered to pay you back for my present."

Estelle nodded after a moment. "Good. That's good practice for when Andy buys you something just because and you try to pay him back."

You refrained from rolling your eyes, but she had a point. You would probably try to pack him back whether he wanted it or not. "Is it really paying him back if it's with his own money?"

She pretended to think it over before laughing. "Probably not," she said as you stood up to take your glass to the sink. "Hey, I didn't ask my third question."

"Fire when ready."

"Do you really want to give it a week when you have your mind made up?"

Estelle knew you all too well. Even if you hadn't told her from the start that you planned to sign the contract, she would've figured it out. "The time frame was his call."

While it did give you time to think it through, surely he had to get things in order, too. Like your new place. God, you couldn't believe you were going to move into his building.

"You could ask him to move up the date? Worst thing he could say is 'no'."

Maybe.

"Yeah," you said, going to sit back down with a huff. "Are you sure you don't mind being in the know of this? And having to keep it under wraps?"

"Are you kidding? It's an honor you asked me," she said, holding her head high with such confidence you had to smile. "I got your back."

"Thanks, Estelle," you said.

She waved her hand dismissively, but had a smile on her face. "Don't mention it."

"Okay. Now enough about me," you smiled. "Tell me about your day."

"Well," she smirked, tilting her head as she paused dramatically. "I may have found a guy for Wendy."

Your eyes lit up, happy you asked. Wendy was another friend of yours who hadn’t dated in awhile. "Tell me everything."

You managed to keep your focus on Estelle as she told you about the gorgeous guy she met in a coffee shop who was just Wendy’s type. You wondered how different things would've been had you and Andy met that way. Would it change your story? Would you be where you were now?

Staring at your phone when Estelle went to use the bathroom, you debated whether or not to text Andy. You just saw him earlier today and he had a business dinner. How desperate would you look asking him to move the contract date up?

"Fuck it," you muttered, snatching the device and quickly typing out a message. Communication was key. Like honesty.

"I don't want to wait a week, but I understand if we have to. I hope your dinner went well."

“BOO!” You nearly dropped your phone when Estelle smacked the couch behind you. "You messaged him, didn't you?"

"Yeah," you giggled, holding your chest to calm your pounding heart. "Told him I didn't want to wait a week, but understood if we had to."

"Hopefully he listens. Well, he will if he wants to get in your pants."

"Stop," you giggled as your phone went off, holding your breath as you read the message.

"I'd rather have dinner with you. And I understand you don’t want to wait, but what was it you said about anticipation?"

Using anticipation against me.

"Fine, Daddy."

The three dots popped up immediately as he typed. "You're teasing me, honey."

"Maybe. I'll see you in a week."

“Looking forward to it, but one more thing I forgot to mention. I’d like a witness for the contract signing.”

"Are you two sexting?" Estelle asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

"No," you smiled.

Just called him 'Daddy'.

"But he's sticking it out for the week," you said, only a little disappointed. He did have to draw up a contract. “And we need a witness for the signing. I’d like it to be you.”

"Ooh. He's making you wait for it," she said, giving you a small smile. "Give me the time and date and I’ll be there."

“Thanks,” you smiled, sending Andy back a message. “Estelle volunteered.”

“Perfect.”

“One more week and he’s yours,” Estelle smiled.

"One more week."

It really was the longest week of your life to wait to see Andy again, but today was the day.

Your heart beat fast as you and Estelle went into the building and went through the motions with the security guard. You half expected Irene to tell you Andy didn’t have an appointment with you as you made your way to the office. It was silly to think he’d back out, but your nerves were getting the better of you. And why?

Because you hadn’t heard from Andy. Not once. You kept looking at the door expectantly during your shifts at the diner, only to be met with disappointment when he didn’t show. You also didn’t want to admit how many times you checked your phone to see if he reached out. The man had more important things to do than visit or text you.

“Cheer up,” Estelle told you in the elevator. You felt bad. You were sulking and you didn’t try to hide it. Part of that scared you because why did it matter that he had gone radio silent?

“You don’t think he changed his mind, do you?”

“No. He’s just a busy man. Get out of your head.”

“I’m trying,” you sighed.

You led Estelle to the office, expecting to see Irene. All you saw was an empty desk. The light above her chair was off, too. The double doors were shut. Maybe it was a sign. This was too good to be true.

Andy was too good to be true.

“There you are,” you heard as the double doors opened.

“Holy shit,” Estelle breathed, almost making you elbow her.

“Andy,” you said, not quite smiling when you caught sight of him. He didn’t have a blazer on and the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up. “I was just-”

“Irene wasn’t feeling well, so I sent her home for the day. Come on in.”

“Can you give us a minute?” You asked your friend, who raised an eyebrow in response.

“Yeah. I’ll be here,” she said, taking a seat. Once Andy's back was turned, she mouthed, "Hot!"

Yeah, he is.

You clutched your bag a little tighter as you walked in, reminding yourself to breathe as Andy shut the door. “We’re still doing this?” You asked, your voice shaky.

“Of course, we are,” he said, pulling out the chair that you sat in a week before. “Why? Are you having second thoughts?”

“No. Truthfully, I thought you changed your mind.”

Andy paused before he took his seat. “I have no reason to back out. I offered and want this. I said I’d take care of you and I’m a man of my word. I’m happy to prove that to you if you don’t believe me,” he said, carefully looking you over as blood rushed to your cheeks. “What made you think I’d change my mind?”

You shook your head. “It’s silly.”

“It isn’t silly to me,” he said, sweeping his gaze over you once again. “You’re stiff, honey, and you’re barely looking me in the eye. What’s going on? What do I need to do to put you at ease?”

You swallowed a little. “It was a long week to think it over and I hadn’t heard from you. Because of that, I wasn’t sure if you maybe decided to change your mind,” you explained, lifting your eyes to meet his. You were met with concern and care. “Silly, right?”

“No, it isn’t,” he assured you, sliding a small packet across the table to give you a chance to look at the top page. It was the contact. He really put it together. “May I explain?”

“Of course,” you whispered.

He surprised you by moving his chair around the table so he was beside you instead of across from you. “First, I’m sorry my silence caused any doubt. That wasn’t my intention. I only wanted to give you time to think things through,” he said, his tone gentle as he tapped the contract with his finger. “Would I have this here if I wanted to change my mind?”

“No, I don’t think,” you said, feeling a bit small.

“Second,” he said, a small smile on his face as he took out his phone. “I was the last one to message you. Maybe I didn’t want to bombard you between work.”

You stared at his phone and realized he was right. The last thing he sent was “Perfect.” regarding Estelle was your witness. You never said anything else. God, you were an idiot.

“So you were waiting to hear back from me?” You tried to tease as his smile widened. It was a handsome look. “Okay. So. I may have let my nerves get the better of me. I’m sorry. I just really want this to work.”

It took a lot for you to say that, but there was no judgment from him as he placed his hand over yours.

“So do I, honey,” he said in a low voice. “For the record, you can message me whenever you want. It won’t bother me.”

“Ditto,” you said before you cringed.

Ditto? Really? So eloquent.

He chuckled as he handed you a pen, leaning in a bit closer and giving you a chance to catch that cologne of his you loved. You’d never be able to smell it again without thinking of him. “As long as you’re okay and ready, would you like to start?”

“Yes, I would,” you smiled, sparing him another glance. “Thank you, Andy.”

He didn’t have to put you at ease. He could’ve easily laughed you off as sounding clingy or desperate, but he soothed your nerves. You shouldn’t have expected anything less from an ex-lawyer and, what you believed to be, a good man.

“Of course,” he said, going to the door to get Estelle. “Come in. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” she said, smiling as she shook Andy’s hand. “Heard a lot about you.”

A pange of jealousy settled in your chest when Andy chuckled, making you look away. Estelle was the kind of woman Andy should be with. She belonged in his world. But she wouldn’t do anything. She was a good friend and knew you were at the very least attached to Andy.

I need to get a grip.

You had no idea why the voice in your head was being so cruel to you. First the assumption about Andy backing out and now this. It needed to stop.

“I appreciate you taking the time out of your schedule to be here. I realize there are some stigmas when it comes to contracts, so I want you to know I have her best interest at heart.”

“We’ll see about that, won’t we?” Estelle asked, winking at you as she sat down and squashing those nerves once more.

“I also have an NDA for you to sign,” Andy added as he took a seat again beside you and leveled your friend with a look. “I don’t really care what people say about me if word gets out. It won't make a difference. I won’t, however, have them slander her. So I’m trusting you to protect her.”

Estelle’s eyebrows shot up as did yours. Andy’s reputation meant a lot more than yours, yet it was you he was worried about. “You are so authoritative and bossy. No wonder you're in charge,” she said, grabbing a pen for herself. "I'll sign whatever you put in front of me."

“Okay then,” Andy smiled, tilting the paper so both of you could look together. “Let’s get started.”

Andy carefully read over each section, giving both you and Estelle a chance to object or stop him. Everything discussed was accounted for. The length of the contract, job, living arrangements, expenses, travel, he had it all. No red flags jumped out. Nothing of concern. You saw no reason to object when he stated everything as agreed.

“Any questions?” He asked, like he had after every portion.

“Back to the living arrangements,” Estelle said, pointing her pen at him. “I want to be there when she moves in.”

“You do?” You questioned with a look. “You hate moving.”

“Oh, I don’t plan on doing any of the heavy lifting,” she teased. She usually paid people for that. “But I insist on seeing your building and where she’s going to live. I may ask to see your place, too.”

His place? Why?

Andy appeared surprised by the request as well. “My place? Is that necessary?”

“If you plan on having her there, yes. I want to make sure it’s safe. I get that she’s your sugar baby once she signs the dotted line, but she’s my best friend. She was before she met you and she will be once this contract ends. You want to protect her? So do I.”

Andy hummed thoughtfully. “What do you think?” he asked you.

You would feel more comfortable with someone you trusted there. Not that you didn't trust Andy, but the situation wasn't normal and you understood Estelle’s insistence. Still, seeing his place? Was she being a bit nosy? Was she curious about the man?

She's looking out for me.

“I think that’s fine, all things considered,” you replied.

“Okay. You’ll be there when she moves in and you’re welcome to see my place,” Andy agreed.

“With me there,” you added. She had no reason to see Andy’s place all by herself.

“Duh,” Estelle smiled with a wave of her hand. “Proceed.”

Minutes later, Andy finished and signed the document when you didn't raise any concerns. He slid the last page in your direction and your hand trembled a bit as you went to sign. You caught a look of worry on Estelle’s face when you hesitated. You were so close.

“Honey?” Andy asked so softly you almost missed it.

“I said I’d take care of you and I’m a man of my word.”

With an exhale, you signed your name. This was it. For the next nine months, you’d belong to Andy. Well, in some ways.

Andy’s smile warmed your heart as he passed the sheet to Estelle. Her smile was bright enough to light up the room as she signed. She was thrilled for you.

And you allowed yourself to feel happy, too.

“You’re officially a sugar baby!” Estelle said, quickly signing the NDA as you and Andy exchanged a look. You wished you knew what he was thinking. “We need to celebrate.”

Andy cleared his throat. “Actually, I was kind of hoping I could steal her away for a bit after I make her a copy of this.”

“You were?” You and Estelle asked in unison.

“Yeah,” he smiled as he got to his feet. He practically towered over you where you sat. “I want to take you to the diner myself so you can turn in your notice. What do you say?”

You smiled as Estelle clapped her hands together. “Let’s go.”

After that, you could celebrate the next chapter in your life.

It's official! Here we go! Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Andy Barber Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

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phantasyreign · 2 years

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Page 08: Raeliana

A character page, featuring characters from The Reason Why Raeliana Ended up at the Duke's Mansion.

After 5 months of not coding anything, I did promise that I'll be coding pages. This page is suitable to be used together with my Theme 09: Ward Legacy. This has been suggested by users from my theme selections survey as well as from @izayoichan since forever ago but I'm glad it works out.

[STATIC PREVIEW] [CODE]

Full Features

Responsive - mobile and desktop responsive

Has a header

Contains two links (can add more if you want to)

Pop up characters' profile

Take Note

I am neither affiliated with The Reason Why Raeliana Ended up at the Duke's Mansion's franchise in any way nor obtaining any financial benefit out from this page.

No photos from the preview (except for the background image) shall be included in the code.

The manual has been written inside the code itself. Kindly read it first before editing the code.

Terms and Conditions apply.

Please, like, reblog, and follow Phantasy Reign as a sign of support! You can also consider answering this survey of mine as a way of supporting my journey :)

#tumblr theme #tumblr themes #theme hunter #pagesbyphantasyreign #blog

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garniers · 10 months

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AUGUSTUS: RPG THEME PACK

[ live preview ♡ $10 on payhip ] After several delays on my end due to changing my mind about the aesthetic and general feel I was aiming for, I am delighted to finally introduce you to Augustus: RPG Theme Pack! Crafted with a whole lotta love and an absurd amount of pseudo-elements and borders, this theme pack over here encapsulates everything I would use for my own roleplay group and is heavily inspired, as per usual, by the works of Oscar Wilde. More specifically Lady Windemere's Fan.

I know the play is theoretically a comedy, but staying true to my storytelling essence I put the theme together with videogames such as Resident Evil and Dark Souls in mind. I have my dear siblings to thank for the inspiration and unwavering support of my late-night coding sessions and my god-awful posture. Once again you have proven yourselves to be the muses behind everything I create and everything I put out there (that's addressed to the zombies, by the way.)

You will find everything you need to know about Augustus on the Live Preview, there is a detailed list with the elements of the theme pack and a couple of extras I took the liberty to add.

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Terms + Conditions

Please do not redistribute / claim as your own

Please do not remove credit

[ Check my Terms Of Service for more information ]

#rpc #rph #rp theme #main theme #premium theme #**premiumgarniers #**codesbygarniers #**mine

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llwygarugysglyd · 9 months

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Commissions are open!

I have a soft, cosy and warm artstyle, and as a FFXIV player I love to draw people's WOLs and wolships. I take payments through paypal.

If you're interested in a commission, here's an easy to fill out form!

Please reblog and help me find my clientele!

Full information below cut:

PRICES

Emojis: £15

SKETCH

Headshot: £10

Half Body: £20

Full Body: £30

LINEART:

Headshot: £30

Half Body: £45

Full Body: £60

FULL COLOUR:

Headshot: £60

Half Body: £80

Full Body: £100

EXTRAS:

Extra character: +75% per character

Fancy border or detailed background: £30 each

Design charge for character with no ref: £20

Complicated outfit or prop*: +20% of initial price *I will never charge for mobility aids or bodytypes of any kind

I don't draw NSFW or kink art. I will let you know if I feel I am incapable of delivering the piece you are looking for. I will try my hand at anthro art and animals, but it isn't my speciality.

terms and conditions

By commissioning me you have agreed to the terms of service and have confirmed that you have read them in full and understood them.

✧ The artist has the right to refuse any commission.

✧ The artist has the right to cancel a commission part way through if being harassed.

✧ The artist has the right to take longer than the designated time estimated to complete a commission.

✧ The client acknowledges that all digital commissions are not physical products and do not require shipping.

✧ The client acknowledges that they will specify up front if they have a deadline for their commission.

✧ The client acknowledges that all commissions must be discussed about over email.

✧ The client acknowledges that all payments must be 100% paid up front and paid within 48 hours of confirming a commission with the artist unless discussed otherwise.

✧ The client acknowledges that all payments must be made using Paypal, and that it is the client's own Paypal account and not someone else's.

✧ The client reserves the right to make up to 4 changes to a commission during the entire length of the commission.

USAGE RIGHTS

✧ All commissions are not to be used for any commercial purposes.

✧ All commissions are to be used only for personal purposes. E.g: profile picture, reference sheet, social media header.

✧ You acknowledge that you must credit the artist if using a digital commissioned piece online.

✧ All commissioned works are not to be traced, referenced or edited in any way.

The artist reserves the right to:

✧ Claim the commissioned work as their own work.

✧ Use the commissioned piece online, in person, in portfolios, etc.

✧ Reproduce the commissioned works of any fictional characters - that are not the client's own characters - as merchandise of any type.

The client acknowledges that they will not:

✧ Engage in any form of reproducing or selling the commissioned work in any fashion. This includes NFTs, cryptocurrencies, or book/album covers.

✧ Include the commissioned work in reference sheets or personal art collections without proper credit to the artist.

Cancellations and Refunds

✧ Commissions cancelled by the client before the artist has started the commission can receive a full refund.

✧ Commissions cancelled by the client after the artist has started cannot receive a refund at all.

✧ If the artist cancels the commission before starting, the client will receive a full refund.

✧ If the artist cancels the commission after starting, the client will receive an 80% refund.

Commission Process

✧ Confirmation of commission details, reference images, deadline/time frame

✧ Payment. The artist will send the client an invoice detailing the cost. If payment isn't made within 48 hours the artist reserves the right to either cancel or postpone the commission.

✧ The client receives a first sketch to look over and review. Please make as many changes as are necessary during this stage, as later adjustments will be more difficult.

✧ The client receives a lineart preview to look over and review.

✧ The client receives a flat colour preview to look over and review.

✧ The client receives the final artwork in full resolution via email.

#commissions #commission sheet #prices #price list #art #artwork #commissions open #oc #ffxiv #final fantasy 14 #warrior of light #disabled artist #queer artist

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saiyanprincessswanie · 10 months

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Welcome to Week 151 & 152

As always these will be listed in no particular order. None of these stories are mine. I’m just signal boosting them. Author is listed next to title. My goal is to signal boost writers and spread positivity in the community. 💜💜

Click HERE to see what I will or won’t read. This is very important.

Click HERE for past reading lists.

My Masterlist click HERE

Page-break by @whimsicalrogers & header by me

If you can, please reblog these lists so they can reach more people on Tumblr.

I love you 3000 💜 Missy

Mine Part 3 - (Steve x Reader) - @saiyanprincessswanie

Chrome & Leather - Chp 18 - (Steve x Reader) - @saiyanprincessswanie

Dumb Bunny - (Winter Soldier x Reader) - @lunarbuck

Secrets Chp 16 - (Steve x OFC, Brock x OFC) - @nekoannie-chan

Nrfth - Prologue - @holylulusworld

Good things come… - (Billy R x Reader) - @late-to-the-party-81

Bound by the Night - (Bucky x reader) - @jobean12-blog

The Devil's Masquerade - (Andy Barber x reader) - @jobean12-blog

Terms and Conditions - Preliminary - (Andy x Reader) - @navybrat817

Good Girl - (Stucky x Reader) - @sinner-as-saint

Hands off - Part 2 - (Stucky x Reader) - @darsynia

Devoted - (Lloyd x Reader) - @labella420

Kiss me - (Steve x Reader) @nekoannie-chan

House arrest (1) - (Lloyd x Reader) - @holylulusworld

Heart of Glass - Part 5 - (Curtis x Reader) - @syntheticavenger

Heart of Glass - Part 6 - (Curtis x Reader) - @syntheticavenger

Monkey See, Monkey Do - Chp 13 - @spectre-posts

Just Right - Chp 2 - (Steve x Reader) - @darsynia

Real Life Tasks With Ransom - Day 13 - @wiypt-writes @sweater-daddiesdumbdork

Secret Sierra - Chp 9 - @lloydsbitch

Work - (Steve x Reader) - @nekoannie-chan

Pity Party - (Lloyd x Reader) - @deceitfuldevout

The Root of all Ransom - Part 2 - (Ransom x Reader) - @ronearoundblindly

Though I Have Never Read It - Part 2 - (Bucky x Reader) - @tuiccim

Threadbare - Part 2 - (Steve x Reader) - @ronearoundblindly

Bucky Barnes is Loud in Bed - @mickeyhenrys

The Animal Within - (Bucky x Reader) - @navybrat817

Pool Party - (Bucky x Reader) - @jobean12-blog

Spiral of Need - (Bucky x Reader) - @jobean12-blog

3 Billion Divorce - Part 3 - (Lloyd x Reader) - @deliciousangelfestival

Collared part 16 - @spnexploration

Digital Bath - Part 3 - (Bucky x Reader) - @syntheticavenger

Fresh Fallen Snow, Part 3 - (Curtis x Reader) - @georgiapeach30513

Easy Target - (Bucky x Reader) - @jobean12-blog

Secrets Chp 17 - (Steve x ofc, Brock x ofc) - @nekoannie-chan

In Our Element - (Stucky x Reader) - @lunarbuck

The Hunter - (Kraven x Reader) - @sidepartskinnyjeans

Give it to Me - (Bucky x Reader) - @flordeamatista

Hands off - Part 3 - (Stucky x Reader) - @darsynia

Heart of Glass - Part 7 - (Curtis x Reader) - @syntheticavenger

His Inheritance - Part 20 - (Steve x Reader) - @jtargaryen18

#saiyanprincessswanie #recommended reading #missy reads #missy reblogs #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #billy russo x reader #andy barber x reader #stucky x reader #curtis everett x reader #kraven the hunter x reader #lloyd hansen x reader

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wlwcatalogue · 3 months

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Queer Women in Qing China: Chen Yun & Han Yuan in Six Records of a Floating Life

(Pak Suet Sin as Chen Yun (left) and Yam Kim Fai as Shen Fu (right) in Madam Yun, dir. Chu Kea, 1960)

Despite being written by a relatively unremarkable man, Shen Fu's (沈復) Qing-era autobiography Six Records of a Floating Life (浮生六記) captured the public imagination for its depiction of an unusually loving married couple - namely the author and his wife Yun - and for being very sad, because the wife died young after a protracted battle with illness and poverty. Their tragic tale has inspired films, TV series, stage plays, Chinese operas, and musicals.

But for some reason (spoiler alert: it's homophobia), as far as I can tell (see note 2 below the cut), the derivative media all fail to mention that while Yun certainly loved Shen Fu, there was also someone else she loved-- a female courtesan named Han Yuan, whom she convinced her husband to take on as concubine. Although there are only a few references to Han Yuan throughout the book, her impact is outsize, making her absence from the various adaptations all the more glaring.

So let's try to rectify things, shall we? Extracted here are all the references to the relationship between Yun and Han Yuan contained in Six Records of a Floating Life - although I haven't included all the other nods to Yun's fruitiness, so do check out the book in full - click below!

Overview

The happily married Chen Yun falls for the female courtesan Han Yuan and the two soon become sworn sisters (see note 1 below). Then, to ensure they can remain together, she manages to persuade her husband to take the latter as his concubine despite his protestations that they cannot afford another mouth to feed. This turns out to have unfortunate consequences: Yun's in-laws, who she was already on thin ice with, are highly critical of the two women's relationship, and have the married couple expelled from the familial home. Further, while Yun and her husband are living elsewhere, a wealthy man pressures Han Yuan into leaving and becoming his wife instead. Yun falls into despair and the heartbreak causes her already-delicate condition to deteriorate, leading to her eventual demise.

Note 1: Sworn kinship is the most widely-available Chinese custom allowing for the formalisation of a relationship between individuals of the same gender, other than those specifically hierarchical in nature (e.g. adoption, godparents, mentorship, etc.). While not primarily romantic in association, there is certainly precedent for it: arguably the most famous Chinese love story, The Butterfly Lovers, focuses on the romance between a man and a cross-dressing woman who swore an oath of brotherhood. Even after the latter reveals that she is female, there are repeated references to their oath, and the man continues to refer to her using familial terms (賢弟/"worthy younger brother" is simply switched to 賢妹/"worthy younger sister"). Note 2: As far as I can tell, Han Yuan really does never come up in the various derivative works. However, there is some (mostly very mild) hinting regarding the in-laws' disapproval stemming in part from Yun's failure to conform to cishet norms; at least three of the adaptations from Hong Kong take as the flashpoint an incident where Yun dresses as a man in order to enjoy the Mid-Autumn festivities with her husband (see the GIF in the header) and is discovered, despite it not having had any negative consequences in the book. (There is such a cross-dressing scene in the 2021 Kunqu opera adaptation, but for some reason, in that version, Yun seems to have been on great terms with her in-laws and there was no disownment at all.) AFAIK the only adaptation that explicitly deals with Yun's queerness is the 1987 dance production from Hong Kong, wherein the disownment happens after a scene which I'll just describe as "the Mid-Autumn Festival incident, but as a boat ride which Yun turns into a threesome between herself, the boat-girl, and her husband". This actually pulls from the source material, as there is a somewhat suggestive episode involving a boatsman's daughter (this is a few pages before Han Yuan is introduced - I did say Yun was fruity)... but it's interesting that the creators decided to depict her queerness through a drunken one-night stand where she's dressed in male clothing (which was not the case in the original, though the boat-girl does still know she's a woman in this version), instead of committing to her much deeper relationship with Han Yuan.

A (probably-incomplete) list of adaptations

Fei Mu/费穆’s 1943 stage play Six Records of a Floating Life/浮生六记 (PRC)

1947 film Six Records of a Floating Life/浮生六记 (PRC) – dir. Pei Chong/裴冲, starring Su Shi/舒适 and Sha Li/沙莉

1954 film Madam Yun/芸娘 (Hong Kong) – dir. Ng Wui/吳回, starring Cheung Wood-Yau/張活游 and Pak Yin/白燕 – full movie

1960 Cantonese opera film Madam Yun/芸娘 (Hong Kong) – dir. Chu Kea/珠璣, starring Yam Kim Fai/任劍輝 and Pak Suet Sin/白雪仙 – full movie; also see my posts on it here and here

1987 dance performance Six Records of a Floating Life/浮生六記 (Hong Kong) – dir. Chan Kai-Tak – full performance

Cantonese opera Shen San Bai and Madam Yun/沈三白與芸娘 (Hong Kong) – multiple productions from different theatre companies across the years – clip

1974 TV drama Madam Yun/芸娘 (Hong Kong)

Zhou Mian/周眠's 2018 Kunqu opera Six Records of a Floating Life/浮生六记 (PRC) – multiple productions – clip 1 | clip 2

Luo Zhou/罗周's 2021 Kunqu opera Six Records of a Floating Life/浮生六记 (PRC) – multiple productions – full performance (w/ English subtitles)

Tian Chenming/田辰明’s 2021 musical Six Records of a Floating Life/浮生六记 (PRC) – multiple productions – clip

2023 Peking opera Six Records of a Floating Life/浮生六记 (PRC) – assorted clips

Extracts from Six Records of a Floating Life, trans. Leonard Pratt and Chiang Su-Hui, 1983, Penguin Books

Part I – The Joys of the Wedding Chamber

(p.48)

In the seventh month of the Chiayen year of the reign of the Emperior Chien Lung I returned from Yuehtung with my friend Hsu Hsiu-feng, who was my cousin’s husband. He brought a new concubine back with him, raving about her beauty to everyone, and one day he invited Yun to go and see her. Afterwards Yun said to Hsiu-feng, “She certainly is beautiful, but she is not the least bit charming.”

“If your husband were to take a concubine,” Hsiu-feng asked, “would she have to be charming as well as beautiful?”

“Naturally,” said Yun.

“From then on, Yun was obsessed with the idea of finding me a concubine, even though we had nowhere near enough money for such an ambition.

(p.49)

[The courtesan Leng-hsiang] had a daughter named Han-yuan, who, though not yet fully mature, was as beautiful as a piece of jade. Her eyes were as lovely as the surface of an autumn pond, and while they entertained us it became obvious that her literary knowledge was extensive. She had a younger sister named Wen-yuan who was still quite small.

At first I had no wild ideas and wanted only to have a cup of wine and chat with them. I well knew that a poor scholar like myself could not afford this sort of thing, and once inside I began to feel quite nervous. While I did not show my unease in my conversation, I did quietly say to Hsien-han “I’m only a poor fellow. How can you invite these girls to entertain me?”

Hsien-han laughed. “It’s not that way at all. A friend of mine had invited me to come and be entertained by Han-yuan today, but then he was called away by an important visitor. He asked me to be the host and invite someone else. Don’t worry about it.”

At that, I began to relax. Later, when our boat reached Pantang, I told Han-yuan to go aboard my mother’s boat and pay her respects. That was when Yun met Han-yuan and, as happy as old friends at a reunion, they soon set off hand in hand to climb the hill in search of all the scenic spots it offered. Yun especially liked the height and vista of Thousand Clouds, and they sat there enjoying the view for some time. When we returned to Yehfangpin, we moored the boats side by side and drank long and happily.

(p.50)

As the boats were being unmoored, Yun asked me if Han-yuan could return aboard hers, while I went back with Hsien-yan. To this, I agreed. When we returned to the Tuting Bridge we went back aboard our own boats and took leave of one another. By the time we arrived home it was already the third night watch.

“Today I have met someone who is both beautiful and charming,” said Yun. “I have just invited Han-yuan to come and see me tomorrow, so I can try to arrange things for you.”

“But we’re not a rich family,” I said, worried. “We cannot afford to keep someone like that. How could people as poor as ourselves dare think of such a thing? And we are so happily married, why should we look for someone else?”

“But I love her too,” Yun said, laughing. “You just let me take care of everything.”

The next day at noon, Han-yuan actually came. Yun entertained her warmly, and during the meal we played a game – the winner would read a poem, while the loser had to drink a cup of wine. By the end of the meal still not a word had been said about our obtaining Han-yuan.

As soon as she left, Yun said to me, “I have just made a secret agreement with her. She will come here on the 18th, and we will pledge ourselves as sisters. You will have to prepare animals for the sacrifice.”

Then, laughing and pointing to the jade bracelet on her arm, she said, “If you see this bracelet on Han-yuan’s arm then, it will mean she has agreed to our proposal. I have just told her my idea, but I am still not very sure what she thinks about it all.”

I only listened to what she said, making no reply.

It rained very hard on the 18th, but Han-yuan came all the same. She and Yun went into another room and were alone there for some time. They were holding hands when they emerged, and Han-yuan looked at me shyly. She was wearing the jade bracelet!

We had intended, after the incense was burned and they had become sisters, that we should carry on drinking. As it turned out, however, Han-yuan had promised to go on a trip to Stone Lake, so she left as soon as the ceremony was over.

“She has agreed,” Yun told me happily. “Now, how will you reward your go-between?” I asked her the details of the arrangement.

(p.51)

“Just now I spoke to her privately because I was afraid she might have another attachment. When she said she did not, I asked her, “Do you know why we have invited you here today, little sister?”

““The respect of an honourable lady like yourself makes me feel like a small weed leaning up a great tree,” she replied, “but my mother has high hopes for me, and I’m afraid I cannot agree without consulting her. I do hope, though, that you and I can think of a way to work things out.””

“When I took off the bracelet and put it on her arm I said to her, “The jade of this bracelet is hard and represents the constancy of our pledge; and like our pledge, the circle of the bracelet has not end. Wear it as the first token of our understanding.” To which she replied, “The power to unite us rests entirely with you.” So it seems as if we have already won over Han-yuan. The difficult part will be convincing her mother, but I will think of a plan for that.”

I laughed, and asked her, “Are you trying to imitate Li-weng’s Pitying the Fragrant Companion?”

“Yes,” she replied.

(Footnote 44 of Part 1, p.153) The Lien Hsiang Pan, a play by Li Yu (1611-?1680). Li-weng was his literary name. Yun’s confirmation that she had this play in mind gives us our principal clue about just what her real relationship with Han-yuan may have been: the play tells the story of a young married woman who falls in love with a girl, and then obtains her as a concubine for her husband so the two women can be together. As van Gulik has pointed out, Imperial China regarded liaisons between women – as opposed to those between men – quite tolerantly. They did not by any means necessarily imply a lack of affection between such women and their husbands (R.H. van Gulik, Sexual Life in Ancient China, Humanities Press, 1974: he discusses female homosexuality on p.163, and the play itself on p.302, where he translates its title as Loving the Fragrant Companion.)

From that time on there was not a day that Yun did not talk about Han-yuan. But later Han-yuan was taken off by a powerful man, and all the plans came to nothing. In fact, it was because of this that Yun died.

Part III – The Sorrows of Misfortune

(p.76)

Yun had had the blood sickness ever since her younger brother Ko-chang had run away from home and her mother had missed him so much that she died of grief. Yun was so distraught she had fallen ill herself. From the time she met Han-yuan, she passed no blood for over a year, and I was delighted that Yun had found such a good cure in her friend, when Han-yuan was snatched away by an influential man who paid a thousand golds for her and also promised to take care of her mother. “The beauty belongs to Sha-shih-li!” I had learned of all this but had not dared to say anything to Yun, so she did not find out about it until one day when she went to see Han-yuan. She returned weeping, and said, “I had not thought Han’s feelings could be so shallow!”

“Your own feelings are too deep,” I said. “How can that sort of person be said to have feelings? Someone who is used to beautiful clothes and delicate foods could never grow accustomed to thorn hairpins and plain cloth dresses. It’s better that we should be unsuccessful now than to have her regret things later.”

I comforted her repeatedly, but having been so wounded Yun still suffered great discharges of blood. She was bedridden and did not respond to any treatment. She suffered relapses, and became so thin you could see her bones. After a few years the money we owed increased daily, and so did the gossip about us. And because she had pledged sisterhood with a sing-song girl, my parents’ scorn for Yun deepened daily.

(p.78)

[…] a messenger arrived. He had been sent by a woman who had been a sworn sister of Yun’s as a child, who had married a man named Hua from Hsishan, and who had heard of her illness and wanted to inquire after her.

My father, however, mistakenly thought he was a messenger from Han-yuan and so became even angrier, saying, “Your wife does not behave as a woman should, swearing sisterhood with a sing-song girl. Nor do you think to learn from your elders, running around with riff-raff. […]”

(p.79-80)

These were Yun’s parting instructions to our daughter: “Your mother has had a bitter fate and emotions that run too deep; therefore we have had many problems. Fortunately your father has been kind to me, and there is nothing to worry about in our leaving. […]”

(p.86)

I returned to find Yun moaning and weeping, looking as if something awful had happened. As soon as she saw me she burst out, “Did you know that yesterday noon [our servant] Ah Shuang stole all our things and ran away? I have asked people to search everywhere, but they still have not found him. […]”

(p.87)

[…] from then on she began frequently to talk in her sleep, calling out, “Ah Shuang has run away!” or “How could Han-yuan turn her back on me?” Her illness worsened daily.

Finally I was about to call a doctor to treat her, but she stopped me. “My illness began because of my terribly deep grief over my brother’s running away and my mother’s death,” said Yun. “It continued because of my affections, and now it has returned because of my indignation. I have always worried too much about things, and while I have tried my best to be a good daughter-in-law, I have failed.

These are the reasons why I have come down with dizziness and palpitations of the heart. The disease has already entered my vitals, and there is nothing a doctor can do about it. Please do not spend money on something that cannot help. […]”

[…]

(p.88)

Suddenly she fell silent and began to pant, her eyes staring into the distance. I called her name a thousand times, but she could not speak. Two streams of agonised tears flowed from her eyes in torrents, until finally her panting grew shallow and her tears dried up. Her spirit vanished in the mist and she began her long journey.

[…] Alas! Yun came to this world a woman, but she had the feelings and abilities of a man. After she entered the gate of my home in marriage, I had to rush about daily to earn our clothing and food, there was never enough, but she never once complained. When I was living at home, all we had for entertainment was talk about literature. What a pity that she should have died in poverty and after long illness. And whose fault was it that she did? It was my fault, what else can I say? I would advise all the husbands and wives in the world not to hate one another, certainly, but also not to love too deeply. As it is said, “An affectionate couple cannot grow old together”. My example should serve as a warning to others.

#sapphic #wlw #wlw recommendations #asian lgbtq #lgbt history #lgbtq history #lgbt literature #lgbtq literature #literature #chinese literature #six records of a floating life #浮生六記 #madam yun #芸娘 #celebrating chinese new year with queers in chinese literature #as one should

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