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writers-hes · 10 months

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Sydney Saw it First (c. berzatto x reader)

You’re Carmy’s friend from Noma and he asks tou to mentor Marcus before he heads to Copenhagen to stage. Sydney thinks you’re both fools in love and she’s determined to fix it. (fluff, sydney being the best wingman, inspired by the scene in new girl when nick points his shoes to jess, two fools in love)

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It was hard for anyone to read if the Carmen Berzatto cared.

Some days, he was loving but most days he was tenacious. It’s not like he meant it. It was just how he was wired; how he reacts to things. The crew learned that the hard way, when he exploded on Marcus, when he screamed at Sydney…when the stress gets to him, it really gets to him.

He’s imposed penance on himself for his actions, secluding himself from the world…being unreachable. If there was one thing in the world that he craved and that he was afraid of, it was love. So he secludes himself until he feels alone. Relationships were unnatural to him.

But it came naturally with you.

You were training to become a pastry chef at Noma when Carmy was there. You met each other at the halls, shared friends that it was inevitable for you two to become friends. He was your first taste tester when you first made croissants. He helped you make your own sourdough starter for the sourdough cookies that you were experimenting on. You were the first person whom he cooked his mom’s picatta. You were his sous chef, helping him prep the vegetables on important dates. When news arrived detailing Mikey’s death, you were the first person he called.

You two were great. You were great.

If anyone deserved praise, Carmy thought that it was you.

He didn’t know why but when he saw that Marcus was really interested in pastry, he called you; asked you to come and teach a really, really eager student that was going to stage in Copenhagen soon. Sydney also suggested that sweets are needed in a restaurant. You didn’t hesitate to board the plane upon his request. If anything, you were glad that he was finally asking you for a favor. It only meant that he was still—if not more—comfortable with you.

You arrived in Chicago all smiles, and greetings. It was Richie and Carmy who picked you up from the airport and Richi was floored. How did his cousin even manage to tolerate you? He didn’t hate you immediately, of course. In any case, Carmy told you about his little girl; you decided to bring her a little gift.

“I didn’t know what to get you but Carmy said that you have a daughter so I got this instead,” you said, extending a toy. “My niece has the same one…so, I figured…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Richie nodded. He muttered a small ‘thanks’ before helping you with you luggage.

The night before, Carmy instructed everyone during family to behave.

“Look, there will be no funny business, alright? My friend is flying in tomorrow to oversee Marcus and act as his mentor while we fix the Bear. No taking her knife away, no screaming, no fighting, no fucking anything, alright, chefs?” he asked. When he was met with silence, “Alright, Chefs?”

A couple of ‘heards’ were thrown.

“Who is this friend, anyway, Jeff?” Tina asked. “You didn’t tell us to behave when Sydney over here first came,”

“Someone from Copenhagen. She, uh—“

“She?” Sweeps asked, his eyebrows raised in anticipation. “You got a girl, chef?”

“No,” he replied. “She studied in Copenhagen as a pastry chef, okay? No big deal—“ he proceeds to mention your name and how you’re just really super cool. “No big deal—“

“Wait, Chef, that’s a big deal!” Marcus said. “Oh, you know her recipes are all over my station, right?” he asked. “Sydney—“

“I went to the place she worked at in New York after I graduated. Everything’s just so…good. Amazing,” she recalled. “So, yes, it’s a big deal,”

“Yeah, whatever. Just promise me to behave, alright?” Carmy asked. “She’ll have to make do with what we currently have but I’ll try to stock up and set up the station before she arrives tomorrow.”

You arrived at the Beef—er, the Bear a day after your arrival in Chicago. You were able to find a place that was near the city center for a good deal. You were here indefinitely, still trying to figure out if you wanted to run your own bakery or just work with others for the rest of your life. Seeing Carmy take the leap was insipiring.

“Hello, chefs, I’m Y/N,” you said, a friendly smile gracing your features. Carmy was right beside you, watching everyone. “I’m a pastry chef and I graduated with Carmy in Copenhagen. I’m here to mentor Marcus but of course, if you have any questions regarding anything, you can ask me. I know how to cook too…and uh, I’ll be taking care of family tonight,”

Carmy jerks from his relaxed position.

“You sure?” he asks softly. “I can take care of family, if you’re too tired.”

“Yeah. It’s like initiation,” you nod, looking at him and then looking back at the new faces in front of you again. “Do you have any questions…”

Sydney raises her hand.

“Um, I’m sorry if this comes across rude but why are you here?” she asked.

“Oh, well, I’m not really tied down to anything right now. When Carmy called me, asking if I could come here, I decided to go. I’m here in Chicago indefinitely and I’ve been receiving invitations to cook, teach a class, whatever. I might accept some of those,” you said. Sydned nodded. Damn, Noma’s chefs were being chased from left and right. She was in the presence of two.

“Do you have a little notebook?” Tina asked, making Sydney scofd. “With recipes?”

“Um, no,” you shook your head. “I keep all my notes in my head and then write it afterwards,” Tina liked you already.

“What do you think about Carmen Berzatto—“

“Anyway, that’s all, Chefs! Marcus, come to the office with me, chef,” Carmy said, breaking up the huddle, and making you laugh. He discreetly pulls down your shirt, a sign that you should follow him too to the office. When you were both out of earshot, Sydney asked no one in particular.

“That girl and Chef? There’s something,”

That afternoon, during family, Sydney watched the two of you like a hawk. Confirming her suspicions when Carmy stayed for family and sat beside you.

Sydney notices it for the second time. You were going over the Noma “picture book” with Marcus, telling him how some of the desserts came about.

“What’s this?” Marcus asked, pointing at a photo of the dessert that put you on the map.

“That’s a dish of candied hallabong peel, with a prosecco peach sorbet, on a bed of meringue, topped with candied cherries. I got it because some of my friends went to Jeju sometime and brought back this orange hybrid. I think….I think we can recreate it but it wouldn’t be the same without the orange.”

“What about the flesh and the juice?”

“I turned it into like an orange-chocolate cake with chocolate mousse,”

Carmy was just passing by but he decided to watch you interact with his employees instead.

“Anyways, where’s your chocolate cake? Let’s taste it and compare it from the last one. Also, I can send you my recipe for sourdough doughnuts. Just give me your email,” you said, looking up briefly to find Carmy already looking at you. It made him feel good to see you incorporate yourself so well in the kitchen. Well, it’s not like the Bear is open but his staff went to you for some tips and advice. They were all undergoing some sort of training to make everything more elevated. “Hey, Carm. Do you need anything?”

“Hey-hey,” he coughed, ashamed for being caught. “Nothing. Uh—“

“Chef, did you ever try Y/N’s stuff?” Marcus asked. He’d really, really, really want to taste something that you made someday. They were all delicate and so detailed. It’s probably why you got multiple awards at such a young age.

“I did. She used to bring big Tupperware containers of things they made in the kitchen,”

“He finished them all,” you told Marcus. “Wouldn’t spare me a bite,”

“I don’t know, bug,” he teased. “I vividly remember you begging me to do it because you were so sick of fucking croissants.”

“You’re so annoying,” you huffed, a playful smile on your face. “Go on now. Marcus and I have stuff to do and you’re distracting us.”

“In my own restaurant,” Carmy mutters, shaking his head. Sydney’s eyes immediately directed to Tina. Did you see? Did you hear the word ‘Bug’?. Tina only shrugged.

Sugar dropped in to check on the improvements being done at the Bear when she saw you and Carmen at the back, talking. She had to double take what she saw because it was quite…odd to see him talk to you with the same twinkle he used to have. She has never seen him like this. He was genuinely laughing at some of the things that you were saying, a shared plate of leftover chocolate cake between the two of you.

“Who’s the girl outside?” Sugar asked, looking at Richie and Sydney for answers.

“Some fancy pastry chef Carmy met in Copenhagen,” Richie replied. “It’s a whole bet now, you know? They’re always out in their own world ever since she got here,”

“Everyone puts in 10 to predict what’s going to happen,” Tina said. “You’re betting?”

“Yeah, sure,” Sugar says, giving a bill to Tina. “I bet…I bet they’ll fall in love right before she leaves Chicago. Like, on the way to the airport. Carmy’s going to tell her that he loves her and she stays,”

Laughter echoes in the room.

“This is not some fucking movie, cousin,” Richie said. “Obviously, Carmy’s not gonna do shit about it.”

“I think…she’ll call him over and they’ll share a moment,” Marcus said. “He’s always at her place, did you know that?”

Meanwhile, unaware of the ongoing bet, Carmy looks at you.

“What do you think about Chicago?” he asked, a cigarette hanging idly on his fingers.

“It’s nice…chilly,” you said. “But it’s nice. I’ve been offered jobs here, you know?”

“Hm?” he asked. “Are you planning to take them?”

“I’m…thinking about them. They’re all the same but like, I want my own bakery, you know? My own place.” you said. “It’s going to be a lot of work if I do that and I don’t necessarily have the staff to do all that.” you said.

“If you want…you can come stay with us if you’re not sure,” he offers. “Like a pastry chef. Actually, I’ll have to ask Sugar and Sydney if it’s alright with them but you can stay here,”

“Bear, I don’t want to impose—“

Sydney was walking outside to throw the trash but she stopped her trackes when she heard you talk.

“I want you here,” Carmy said with conviction. “But if you don’t-don’t like it here in Chicago, I wouldn’t mind either, you know? It’s just that…I want you here and-and fuck, I don’t know. I guess working with you made it so much more fun again, you know? Like us in Copenhagen. I mean, we’re always a team and-and it’s nice to have you here with me. Sugar and spice? Sweet and spicy or whatever the fuck they called us back then,” he chuckled, inhaling his cigarette to calm himself down. “We can make it work,”

“Yeah, yeah. You go talk about it to Nat and Syd,” you said, taking a swig of your water. “And then we’ll talk. Cool?”

“Cool,” he shrugged. Sydney leaves and goes back to where the commotion was.

“I change my scenario,” she said.

“You can’t do that, Sydney,” Richie said. “It’s a bet! You have to pay again,”

Sydney breathed, what was ten more, right? Fuck.

“Fuck, sure, okay. Whatever,” she said, giving Richie the bill. “She’ll stay here. She’ll realize the there’s nothing waiting for her back home and she’ll stay here,”

“Where did you get this?” Fak asked. “Quite—oh my God. Sydney, did you fucking cheat?”

“No, I didn’t fucking cheat!” she defended, it was a lie. “Can’t you see the two of them? Always in their own world? How would Carmy let her go?”

“Jeffrey has a point,” Tina shrugged. “But if she loses, just know that you lost twice, Jeff,”

“I know,”

You, Sydney, and Carm all went to his apartment. It was where the two of them made a menu while you acted as a consultant and a taste tester. Their palates were fucked and they didn’t know what to do or what to cook anymore. So they asked you. But you weren’t there today. You and Marcus were in your apartment, making up stuff for dessert. The Beef has officially closed down and is a rubbled mess. There was no space and Carmy just wanted to be there with you.

“Can I ask you something and you can tell me to fuck off?” Sydney asked while she watched Carmy plate the hamachi crudo.

“Hm?”

“Do you…have feelings for Y/N?” she asked, looking at Carmy. He blushed, his ears turning red for being caught.

“Is it obvious?”

“To everyone but her,” she shrugged.

“Fuck, really? I thought I was being discreet,”

“Oh, you can stay here! You’re so good and so smart and so pretty,” Sydney gushed, mocking Carmen.

“Fuck off,” he laughs. “I…I do,”

“Yeah?”

“I just…just…she’s uh, so amazing, and like, I’ve been feeling these feelings since…since Copenhagen,” he mumbles, finishing the garnish with an oil.

“Damn. You never made a move?” she asked, getting forks. She gives one to Carmen and they both taste the crudo. It was amazing. “That’s good,”

“It is. Good job, Syd,” Carmy replied.

“It was her who told me to try adding jalapeno slices,” Syd said.

“You can’t do that,” Carmy warned her. Why did she want to get you two together so bad? “But I haven’t done anything. I mean, like, she was dating these guys and they’re so cool that-that it was never really my turn,” he remembered.

“But you’re the best chef in the world! That trumps that,” she encouraged. “None of them worked out?”

“No,” Carmy shook his head. “She’d always end things and I don’t want that for myself. She told me none of them worked out…wasn’t what she was, uh, looking for?”

“Oh,” Sydney nodded. “Well, if you’re feeling brave enough…”

“I haven’t been having…fun,” Carmy acknowledges. “With the Beef and the Bear until she got here, you know? Made me feel like I was young in Copenhagen again,”

“Another question. You can say fuck off if you want,” Sydney says and watches as Carmy bites a smile. “The last one. Is that why you asked her to stay? It’s just that I heard you the other day and…”

“Fuck off,” he laughs but Sydney noticed how everything about him conveyed everything that she needed to know.

“This is a quenelle,” you told Marcus. You, Marcus, Carm, and Sydney were at your apartment. It was bigger than Carmy’s and your oven didn’t have jeans in them. “This took me at least a hundred tries,” you chuckled. “You just…away, back, and then hands…” You demonstrated, making a quenelle of a yuzu mousse.

“Damn, Chef. How’d you do that?” Marcus asked, trying it for himself. He failed, his quenelle being a little bit smaller than yours.

“I had a friend named Luca. He didn’t let me out of the kitchen until I made a perfect one,” you recalled. “Carmy was there and he was laughing at me. He could do it in like three tries and I remember hating him,”

“You hate me?” he asked, leaning on the countertop. He didn’t like to hear about Luca. He only wanted you to talk about the two of you.

“Hey, Bear. Try this?” you asked, spooning him the raspberry curd. Carmy opens his mouth and you walk over, feeding him the pinkish liquid and then watching his face. “It goes with a black sesame shell. Do you like it?”

He notices your close proximity and flushes.

“Y-yeah,” he coughed, looking away. “Really good. Uh, very good,”

“No notes?” you asked and he swore he could kiss you right there because you were so beautiful.

“No notes,”

“Thanks, Chef,” you said. Sydney whistles as you help Marcus master his quenelle. Carmy looks at her and she teases him with a mockery of what he just said.

Carmy and Marcus left after cleaning up. You and Sydney decided to have a girl’s night. You were both sitting on the couch, mud masks on your faces when she turned to you fully.

“You know, he likes you right?”

“Who?” you asked, trying to fit a handful of chips.

“Carmy,” you heard and you choked on the bits of chips in your mouth.

“Fuck!” you choked. “Sydney!” You were coughing while Sydney handed you a glass of vodka cranberry. You gulp it down. “You—can’t say shit like that!”

“What?” she laughed. “Look, I’m not kidding! Whenever he talks to you, his feet are pointed at you. I’ve read enough fucking books and body language shit to know that he’s interested,”

“I don’t think so,” you said. “That’s bullshit,”

“It’s not though,” she shrugged. “He asked you to stay for a reason,”

“He needs a pastry chef,” you shrugged. “Besides, he and I are friends, Sydney. I’ve been trying to get him jealous all my time in Copenhagen but he never…he never got the signal,”

“Oh,” Sydney nods. Two idiots in love. “Have you ever tried telling him?”

“Of course not! He’s always on about how he doesn’t have the energy to love or date. I tried the jealousy thing before but it never worked. Trust me, there’s nothing.”

Carmy arrives at your doorstep the next morning, bright and early. Sydney had already left, telling you something about stopping by at her dad’s apartment to get stuff. You were going to the Bear with him to help Sydney choose plates for the restaurant.

“Good morning,” he greets. Two cups of take-out coffee in his hands. “I got us some coffee while we walk on the way,”

“Thank you,” You took the cup from his hands and clutched your jacket tighter. It was so, so, so cold. “Didn’t know it was going to be this chilly today,”

“You wanna wear my jacket?”

“You’ll be cold,”

“It doesn’t bother me,” he said, already taking off the jacket to the best of his one-handed ability. He was only wearing a gray sweater underneath. “I have something. See?” He doesn’t take no for an answer, taking your coffee and your bag from you so you could wear the colorful jacket.

“Thanks, Bear,” you said, smiling at him. The sight of you in his clothes does something to him and he couldn’t help except give you a slight nod before forging on in the chilly Chicago weather.

You both entered the Beef giggling amongst yourselves when the usual buzzing stopped.

“Remember when Luca—“

You halted, finding the silence odd. You looked around to see everyone looking at you.

“What’s wrong? Is something wrong?” Carmy asked, removing his hand from the small of your back. “Syd—“

“Love the sweater,” Richie teases. You look down and feel the warmth on your cheeks.

“It was cold and he asked me to wear it,” you shrugged, leaving Carmen to deal with the staff out front. You were signalling Sydney for help but she only looked away. Traitor. “Um—“

“Y/N, if you could please help me out here,” Carmy called you.

“Your boyfriend’s calling,”

“He’s not!” you huffed before walking over. “What is it?”

“I need you to time me, is that okay?” he asked. He nodded towards the stopwatch and you complied. “Thank you. I just need to check or like, map out the kitchen you know?”

“Of course,” you replied.

“Do you need help getting on—“

“It’s okay it’s just an old thing,” you replied.

“Yo, cousin! If you’re done eye fucking, Sugar needs you.” Richie calls.

“We’re not eye-eye fucking!” you complained. “What the fuck?” You stood up from your corner before you could even work and accidentally looked down. If a man is interested his feet will—

You move to the side and Carmy follows. And then to the side again.

“Y/N–“

“Stay there,” you asked, walking around him and him turning around. “Carm!”

“What?” he asked, grasping your shoulders. He looks down to his shoes. “Are my shoes dirty?”

“No, it’s just—“ you tried again but Carm still followed. “Sydney told me about like, how when a guy is, uh,”

“Cousin!”

“Fuck, okay. Let’s talk about it later okay? Once everyone’s out?” he asked, looking at you. “Can we do that?” His jacket felt softer on you than it ever did on him.

“Yea-yeah,” you nodded. “I’ll go help Sydney,”

The afternoon passed by and you were alone at The Bear. You waited for Carmen to finish up at the dining area like you promised. Your heart was beating so fast, maybe a thousand miles an hour. What Sydney said has been on your mind and what if it wasn’t true and you get embarrassed? Fuck, could you even handle that?

You sighed, burying your head between your hands when Carmy walks over to you.

“What’s up?” he asked. “Everything alright?”

“Y-yeah,” you nod. “Can you stay there and just, I don’t know, be Carmy?” you asked, standing up to test the theory again. He just stands there, dumbfounded. You circle around him and he follows. You were looking on the ground.

“Fuck, what the fuck?” he asked. “Is there something wrong with my shoes? I know they’re old and not—“

“Carmen, shh,”

“What?” he asked, grasping your shoulders for the second time that day to steady you. “What’s wrong?”

“Fuck, I don’t—“

“What’s wrong?”

“Sydney told me that there’s like, this body language thing and like, uh, says that when a guy is interested his shoes are always pointing at you and well, she told me to look at yours,” you rambled, looking away in embarrassment. “Look, if this will be weird between the two of us, I mean—“

“Why would it matter?” he asked, hands inching closer to your neck. He was nervous but maybe this is the opening that he’s been waiting for for years. When you didn’t reply, he asked again. “Why would it matter?”

“Because…because I’ve been trying to make you jealous for years in Copenhagen and it never worked,” you whispered. You were embarrassed. It felt like you were in high school telling your crush that you liked him. “I know you don’t see me that way,” you replied, trying to look for the right words. Carmy lets you finish. He wanted to hear you. “And it’s fine. If this is stupid, let’s forget that this ever happened. Okay? God, I’m so fucking embarrassed right now,”

“Hey, hey,” he cooes, his thumb tucked the hair back and then caressed your cheek. “Whoever said that I wasn’t jealous? I had to leave all the time because I was so fucking jealous. Those guys were cool. Don’t-don’t be embarrassed, okay? I like hearing that-you, uh, like me,”

“Carmy…don’t lie to me, okay? You don’t have to pretend—hm,”

Carmy had just kissed you. Carmen Berzatto just kissed you. You were clutching on his shirt so tightly, afraid that if he lets go, he’ll be gone. But he doesn’t. He just trails his hands down to your back, touching skin to skin until you’re one.

“I’ve been waiting years to do that,” Carmy rasps, breathing heavily.

“Yeah? Then, do it again,” you whispered, smirking slightly at how he seemed to blush hard. Before you could tease him though, he tucks your hair back again, bringing your lips closer to his.

He did.

A/N: Thank you for giving my recent fics so much love and for being so motivating. Your kind words really make my day and I hope that you love this too. Don’t forget to reblog and comment! Thanks again!

TAGLIST: @kpopgirlbtssvt

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmen berzatto #fanfiction #fluff #the bear #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto x you #the bear fic #carmen berzatto fluff #the bear fx

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pallastrology · 4 months

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observations on capricorn

art by sydney mortimer laurence

capricorn ascendants often have a kind of wild look in their eye. it's the one thing they lose control of; you can see the hunger in them through their gaze.

capricorn ruling the fifth house makes for someone who sees everything as work and work as 'fun'; they might make money from a hobby or treat their hobbies like a job, they're strict with themselves and have a lot of drive to do well, whatever that means for them. they tend to be introverted but not shy, and don't like to 'waste their time', so aren't usually big fans of casual dating; whatever their goal is, they want to achieve it without too much dilly-dallying.

capricorn moons are some of the most giving, no-questions-asked kind of people. whatever you need, you can go to them for it and they'll deliver. this leads to them getting burnt out, demoralised and used by people who don't deserve their kindness. it takes them time to treat themselves equally and develop their boundaries. in the meantime, look out for your capricorn moon friends!

capricorn ruling the twelfth tends to go two ways when it comes to dreams - either they suffer from nightmares and anxiety/stress dreams, or they never remember their dreams at all. i feel like saturn's influence here either inhibits the imagination and memory of the dreams, or channels all your stress through them...

i think that jupiter in capricorn is a really handy placement for dealing with setbacks in life. it is quietly optimistic and looks to solve problems creatively, so people with it are great in a crisis and can be real cheerleaders for their friends too, when things aren't going well for them. they're not the most emotionally open but they get shit done.

a lot of capricorn dominants have to grow up quickly, being shunted into a parent role in some way; it might be through being parentified, losing parental figures young, being the family's unpaid therapist or just living through a difficult home situation. this can leave them feeling sort of ageless; they never really experienced a normal childhood, but didn't get to grow up normally either, and can feel stunted or behind compared to their peers as an adult because of this.

people with capricorn on the descendant often find, especially in their younger years, that they have to 'manage' or even 'coach' their partners and relationships; they are in charge out of necessity and don't necessarily enjoy it.

venus in capricorn is one of my favourite placements ever; i think the way they express love is just beautiful, and you'd be hard pressed to ever find someone with the same balance of passion and patience. they have a sharp eye for what's beautiful and great taste, and will never settle either. if a capricorn venus loves you, a part of them will love you forever.

if you enjoyed this post, please consider checking out more of my work! thanks so much xo

#pallastrology #astrology #astro community #astrology blog #astrology post #astro notes #astrology observations #capricorn #capricorn observations

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shewrites7 · 10 months

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The First Step

carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary - The first thing you do when you get back to your hometown of Chicago is pay Carmen, your oldest friend and maybe more than that, a visit at The Beef. When you land yourself a job there, the more he sees of you, the more he seems to push you away for reasons he isn't yet brave enough to tell you, even if all he wants is to be with you. But if he'd ever known you, he'd know that you weren't going to back down without a fight.

type - one shot (its a long one)

word count [16.6k]

tags: Carmy Berzatto x f!reader, friends to lovers, pining, slight miscommunication, a little angst, "stop pushing me away", hurt/comfort, and new promises.

warnings: swearing, mentions of grief/death, panic attack

a/n: check this out also on my ao3! <33

Carmen was tired, to say the least. He'd been working himself to the bone every damn day for the past few months, trying to get The Beef to a good, stable place. Somehow, as time went by, he'd only managed to dig himself a deeper grave. With the money they owed to Cicero, he knew, deep down, that the restaurant was, for lack of a better word, fucked.

But he kept holding on. He couldn't let go of it. He'd wonder, in the depths of night, why he was fighting so hard for this place when he could easily sell it to Cicero. If, maybe, he was holding onto someone. He didn't amuse the thought. He physically couldn't.

So he threw himself deeper into his work. Deeper into making The Beef a reputable place, with a professional working staff and high-quality food. It didn't matter that the others looked at him like he'd lost his mind. Maybe he had. He didn't have the time to worry about that. He didn't have time for much of anything, which is why Sydney had been pushing for new hires. She'd said that they needed more hands in the kitchen, more workers up front, more of everything. They should be desperate.

That's why she'd spent hours putting up posters for new hires on what felt like practically every block of Chicago within a mile radius from the restaurant. And that's why you'd happened to stumble upon one of them while walking to a favorite pizza place of yours that you'd loved as a kid. It was one of the first things you'd planned on doing ever since you'd gotten back into the city. That and meeting up with some old friends who you'd missed with an ache in your chest. So, seeing the poster clinging to the utility pole saying that The Beef was hiring had your heart skip a little beat at the prospect of not only getting a job but seeing the people who had basically been your family growing up again.

It was a Friday morning when you'd stopped by The Beef, the rusted white sign sticking out like a sore thumb. A rush of aromas wafted against your nose when you walked in, and the front door made a jingling sound that was almost nostalgic.

No one was at the front register. In fact, you couldn't see anyone at all, only hear some muffled voices coming from the kitchen in the back. The voices grew louder as seconds went by, and you could tell they were shouts. The kitchen door then flew open, finally revealing the argument going on between two people, one being an unfamiliar woman in an apron, and the other being none other than Richie Jerimovich.

"Richie, I swear to God-"

"I already told you," came the booming voice of Richie, neither of them noticing your presence at the door. "Your foo foo plans for this place are not gonna fly, Sweetheart!"

With the way Richie was talking to her, you could see the woman's patience wearing thin as she rested a hand on her temple with shut eyes as he carried on. It was only when she reopened her eyes a few moments later that she noticed your presence.

"Hi," you said, making your way over to her. "I saw your poster, the one about looking for new hires-"

"Right, right." She offered a strained smile, stress seeming to stay with her. "I'm Sydney, you must be one of the job applicants?"

"Yeah, I'm-"

"A job applicant?" Richie's voice boomed through the room, his voice always projecting ten times louder than need be. You had to admit, you missed it. "F that bullshit, that's fucking Mars Bar!"

Sydney's eyebrows lowered at the shouted nickname, the one that the Berzattos had gifted you years ago after your favorite candy as a kid. You granted Richie a smile, him finally noticing you. "Nice to see you too, Richie."

He marched around the counter to engulf you in a bear-like hug that had you letting out a chuckled gasp from the impact, arms wrapping tightly around your back. He let go in a beat and slammed his hands down on the counter in excitement, always loud.

"Just wait till Carmy hears about his favorite girl being back, I swear to God."

Something fluttered through you at the mention of that name. Carmen's name. With a whirlwind of thoughts sifting through your mind, you almost missed the other name that Richie had called you, aside from Mars Bar. Carmy's favorite girl.

-----

Richie had barged into the kitchen with full vigor, slamming open the swinging door dangerously close to a nearby Tina.

"Cousin!" He moved through the different chefs' stations until he got to Carmen's, who was wrapped up in prepping and quite frankly had learned to tune out the sound of Richie's yelling for his own health. "Yo, Cousin!"

Richie boisterously grabbed a hold of Carmen's shoulders, rocking him a little and moving his hand that wielded a knife, cutting diagonally into beef he'd been pre-slicing.

"Shit," Carmen cursed, irritation forming. "What the hell is it, Cousin?"

Richie just laughed, a mind never paid to Carmen's annoyance. "Yea, you're pissed at me now, Carmy, but you're gonna think I'm pulling your dick when I tell you who's at the fucking register right now."

With a forever-present dull headache, Carmen sighed and shifted his focus to him, putting down his knife on the counter. He gestured a hand out to him. "Who's at the register, Rich-"

"The fucking love of your life, that's who!"

Richie gave Carmen a playful punch in the arm, but he remained unphased, a frown etched on his features. "See, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't have a love of my-"

"Two words, Cousin. Mars Bar."

Richie was right. Those two words really did do something to him.

"She- ... she's here?"

He rubbed his jaw, brain short-circuiting for a second as he tried to make sense of Richie's words. His eyes bore into Richie's never-serious ones, trying to grasp onto whether or not he was, just this one time. If he was messing with him, he didn't think he'd be able to take it.

"Yes, bro!" Yelled Richie, patting him on the back. "I swear to you. She's here, and hot as balls, too."

He squinted his eyes at him with a twinge of disgust, slightly shoving him to the side to get towards the door. He still didn't know if he believed it. You'd been traveling abroad on some grant that he, to be honest, didn't know much about. But you were doing great things. He couldn't guess why you'd come back to The Beef, of all places.

When he saw you through the window, he was lucky he was hidden behind the safety of the kitchen door because he couldn't control the way his body and mind froze at the sight of you. He took in the way your smile beamed out into the room as you spoke with Sydney, warm and unignorable, and he could've sworn something changed in the chemical makeup of his brain. Something that had his eyes widening and his feet planted in their place.

"What'd I tell you?" Richie's voice from behind him knocked him out of his trance. There was a smug, amused edge to his voice. "Now go and talk to her."

Carmen put a hand out, shooing him away. "I will. I just," he stopped, trailing off as he took in the way you truly seemed to glow after all the time spent away. He liked how it looked on you.

"Aww, don't tell me you're nervous now, Carm." Richie put his arms on Carmen's shoulders.

"Shut the fuck up." He shoved Richie off of him with a grimace, but his eyes never left you, jaw clenching as he followed your movements. "I'm not."

The pit in his stomach told him otherwise. He ignored the feeling, determined, and took in a breath before opening the kitchen door to the front of the restaurant, to where you stood.

At the sound of the door swinging open you finally turned your attention to him, lips coming to part with a subtle inhale that somehow left you feeling breathless.

"Carmen." You said his name with a grin, eyes lighting up, heart picking up its pace in your chest. You ran over for a quick, thoughtless hug that left his body partly on fire when you pulled away just as fast.

"Mars Bar." He uttered the old nickname endearingly, his voice cracking at the end of his words for some reason. He cleared his throat. "You're uh- you're here. In Chicago."

"Woah," Richie interrupted, coming in from behind, boisterous. "We've got a genius in The Beef, everybody!"

Sydney snorted from somewhere in the distance, but you couldn't even laugh because you'd been too busy staring at the way Carmen ran his hand through his golden hair that had been unruly since you were practically kids and still was.

"Yeah," you breathed, cringing at how awkward your voice sounded to your own ears. "I'm here."

The two of you held onto each other's gazes for a beat too long, scanning over the other wordlessly, taking in the changes that the years apart had brought.

"Well, uh," Carmen started, licking his lip to find strings of coherent words. "Do you wanna come into the office? Catch up?"

You nodded with a pleased tug of your lips. "Yeah, sure Carmen."

He nodded too and led the way, arm delicately resting on your upper back for a second in a way that left his fingertips buzzing, alive.

You entered the room after he did, the desk and walls littered with papers and sticky notes of different colors, an overload to the senses. It was stuffy, even with the door left open.

Before he turned to face you, he clumsily sorted some papers that'd been sitting on a wooden chair into stacks and pushed them onto the highest shelf above his desk so you could sit down, his white t-shirt slightly tugging upwards as he reached. Your eyes subtly followed the movement, eyes glancing steadily over a part of his lower abdomen that you felt alarmed at even sneaking a peak. That and the muscles that showed clearly from the short sleeves of his shirt.

God, you'd only been back in Chicago for a few days and your mind was already doing that thing it always did when you were around Carmen, like it didn't have the ability to think straight or act rationally when he was around.

"So, uh," Carmen started, turning his focus back to being one hundred percent on you. It became hard to concentrate when he did that, because he had the most piercing blue eyes you'd ever seen and you found over the years that they'd always had more than just one emotion swimming around in them. As you looked into them now, you still came up short in identifying them.

"What are you doing back in Chicago?" He looked at you like you were a puzzle, one he couldn't give up on solving. "Did the studies abroad finally start to bore you?"

"Yeah, they did," you joked, looking down at your lap. "Not really much to do in Europe compared to this place, you know?"

Carmen let out a wisp of a laugh, nodding, while also noting somewhere in the back of his mind that this was the first time he'd laughed in at least a few days. Your presence could always do that to him; Put him at ease when nothing else truly could.

"And, of course, I could only go so long being separated from the Berzattos."

He laughed again. That made twice. "Oh yeah?"

You nodded, playful in your words.

"I mean it." You did.

You let a comfortable silence nestle between the two of you, feeling the upward tug of your lips that you could only blame on Carmen. The thought left something alighted in your chest

"Seriously though." You say up a little straighter in your seat. "I guess the real reason I stopped by was because I was wondering if I could help out around here for a little while, now that I'm back home."

At this, the smile that had been resting on Carmen's face began to weaken.

"What?" His forehead creased, eyes dancing across your face with curiosity and disguised panic of his own.

Sensing his change in mood, you hurriedly continued. "I'll be home for a while and, you know, I just figured me getting a job here would be convenient and-"

"No."

You stopped mid-sentence, zeroing in on the man before you. "No?"

He had one hand leaning against the desk, the other's fingertips pressed to his forehead, head cast down, eyes evading yours.

"No, I- I'm sorry, Mars. We're ... we're not hiring right now. We don't need any new workers." At that, you frowned, taking in the tension in Carmen's stance and the tightness in his voice.

"I know The Beef is hiring right now, Carm." You gave him a disbelieving look. "In fact, I got the idea to work here from the flyers Sydney put up everywhere, so don't try and tell me you're not looking for new job applicants." You took a step closer to him, sensing something wrong and confused as to why he would lie, but he only seemed to be growing more agitated, shifting his posture upwards and no longer leaning on the table.

"That was a mistake, alright? I didn't ask her to do that. The Beef is doing perfectly fine, we don't need any extra help." Something sour was rotting in the undertones of his voice, the way he said the word help as if the thought of it was repellent.

"I didn't mean anything by asking. I ... I know you guys are doing fine, probably great even, I was just thinking that maybe I could-"

"We don't need any new fucking hires, Mars." He slammed his hand down on the desk, his tone raising so abruptly that it had you taking a step back in surprise.

When you looked up at him with alarm in your eyes, immediately his eyes began to soften, regret flooding through them. You held his gaze until those same eyes became taken over with this sudden guilt, almost sadness, flickering downwards towards his hands that moved to rest on his office desk, away from you.

You took a second to scan over the desk that was littered with papers and unsigned documents. It wasn't like Carmen to be unorganized, you knew that much. He had to be in a bad place to have his office look like this. Or, rather, Mikey's old office.

The room was a sensory overload, every inch of it a reminder of Mikey. Anyone would go crazy spending their days in here. Especially if that someone had been his little brother.

Carmen rubbed his hands over his face. You took a step next to him, resting a hand on his shoulder that lit aflame from the heat he gave off.

"For what it's worth," you started softly, and Carmen had to fight a shiver at how close your voice was to him. "I miss Mikey too."

He didn't make any movement to turn towards you, his jaw clenched and eyes still staring downwards. He didn't know what made you feel like you had to say that to him. He didn't need to look at you, though, to know you truly meant it.

"You can't work here," he said, his voice sounding defeated and a little far away. "I'm sorry."

Something restless in your heart was determined to make you fight back, figure out why Carmen was refusing you without a good reason. But something else inside of you softened at the way Carmen wouldn't meet your eyes, seeming guilt-stricken, and decided to back down. The hand that had been resting on his shoulder gave him a final squeeze.

You took your leave for the office door without Carmen moving an inch.

"Bye, Carm." Your voice was unfairly soft towards him, even if he felt like he didn't deserve the kindness that thrummed from your heart. "It was nice seeing you." You paused. "I've missed you."

Before he could turn to say goodbye, somehow communicate the 'I've missed you too' that he'd been meaning to express since he'd seen you, you had already turned down the hallway, out of sight. He knew for sure, then, that you didn't deserve that response from him. But he just didn't know how to tell you. How to explain without sounding ridiculous why alarms sounded in his brain at the thought of you working at The Beef.

He'd always known that you were destined for more than just the life you'd shared with him as kids, where you scored straight A's and were one of the top in your class. When you'd left for college while he stayed put, he didn't even let himself miss you, because he'd just wanted what was best for you. And when you furthered your studies even after college, traveling abroad, he knew that was the life you were meant for. To see you stopping all of that to work at The Beef, the place where his brother's dreams had become nothing but dead ends as time went on, wouldn't settle right inside of him.

Worst of all, he had visions of you working in the kitchen, behind the scenes where tensions were constantly overwhelming, of him losing his cool in front of you and you seeing a side of him he tried to keep you far away from. You'd always known the youngest brother Carmy, the world-class chef Carmy, the one who was at his best around you. He couldn't imagine what he would do if suddenly he revealed the Carmy he tried to hide; the Carmy who worked at The Beef, a bundle of unstable frustration who was barely hanging on, the Carmy who still didn't know how to live life without Mikey but who melted from your touch, who wanted more from the girl who'd been at his side for so many years as nothing but a friend, and a great one. He couldn't risk losing that.

Especially not with the condition of The Beef at the moment, which needed his full focus. Having you around would definitely not allow for that. So he convinced himself that this was for your own good. For his own good.

When you rounded the corner back out into the front of the restaurant, Richie was still there behind the counter, holding a phone to his ear.

You smiled at him a little tiredly and silently waved goodbye, walking towards the door.

Richie frowned, removing his focus from the phone call. "Where the hell are you leaving to so fast?" You spun around. "Don't tell me Carmy scared you off already."

You laughed awkwardly and thought of what to say, but must have taken too long to answer because Richie's face was already contorting with an over-the-top grimace.

"What'd that moron say to you, huh?"

You put a hand out, trying to calm him. "Richie, it's nothing, really-"

He was already stalking off towards the office, muttering something about 'killing Carmen'. You shook your head to yourself, because you knew how headstrong both of them were, and turned towards the exit. And, as you finally opened the glass door to leave, you could hear yelling and shouted vulgar words coming from the office. You didn't stay long enough to listen.

You didn't know what to think when it happened. You'd been sitting at home all weekend, alone, and honestly truly bored and wondering if coming back home was the right choice when your phone started ringing. You checked the screen and it was an unknown caller, but boredom had you picking it up anyway.

Mars Bar!

"Hello? Who is this?"

It's me.

"..."

Richie.

"Ohh ... right. How did you get my number again?"

I asked around. Anyways, it doesn't matter. I'm supposed to be telling you that you're gonna start work tomorrow.

"What? Start work? Where?"

At The Beef. C'mon Mars catch up with me here.

"Sorry, I'm just ... confused. Carmen told me you guys weren't hiring and that he couldn't give me a job?"

Oh, that. Don't worry about Carmy. I set that moron straight.

"What are you saying?"

I'm saying, you got the job kid!

"Richie, are you fucking with me right now?"

No! Why does everyone always think I'm fucking with them? I'm fucking serious hon.

"Okay, okay! I ... I believe you. I think."

You better! Carmy is really fucking stoked to have you work here, I mean it.

"He ... he is?"

Sure! So I better see your ass Monday morning, capeesh?

"Y-yea I guess so."

Your heart really should not have fluttered the way it did when Richie told you that Carmen was supposedly excited to see you. He hadn't sounded like it when you'd brought it up to him. In fact, he seemed strangely opposed to the idea, like you'd hit a sensitive area.

You weren't sure if you could really believe Richie. Like you'd always known, Carmen was stubborn as hell. The change of heart was unexpected, to say the least. You didn't know what to think. You still didn't know, as you walked through the front entrance of The Beef the next day, ready to start work. The only person to greet you at the front was Richie, standing behind the counter, per usual.

"Cousin!" He gestured you over. You greeted him back and rounded the corner to stand behind the counter next to him, unused to the feeling after spending years on the other side of it.

Richie spent at most two minutes giving you a rundown of what you'd be doing at The Beef, merely distracted by some yelling in the kitchen. The brief directions consisted mostly of taking orders and ringing a bell. A real challenge.

"Yeah, so that's basically it." He gave you a pat on the back and your front almost hit the counter at the impact.

"No paperwork or formalities or anything?" You were almost suspicious of the fast speed at which this had all happened. Richie whipped his head around like you'd stated something crazy.

"Formalities? C'mon, what are we, the fucking White House? This is a family business, Cousin."

He patted you on the shoulder roughly. "Thanks, Richie," you said, both slightly amused and slightly unnerved. You tapped your fingers on the marble countertop, trying to seem casual. "Where's um ... where's Carmy?"

Richie scratched his head. "He's, uh, he's busy. He'll be out soon. Don't you worry, shortcake." He gave you a wink that you didn't know what to do with and turned back towards the kitchen. You were gonna have to talk to him about those nicknames in the workplace sooner or later.

You called out to him before he left into the kitchen, hesitant. "You're sure Carmen said he wants me to work here, right?"

Your eyes bore into Richie's for a moment, and it was almost like you could see the thoughts in his head visibly swarming about. His shoulder raised. "Well, he didn't exactly say he wanted you to, but anyone with fucking eyes can see that he wants you-"

"Richie!" Your jaw hung open in utter annoyance and bafflement. He frowned at you.

"What?"

You almost scoffed. "Did Carmen really not say it was okay for me to work here?" You looked around, bewildered. "Does he even know I'm here?"

Richie gestured his hands out to you. "Sure he does!"

You could tell just from his tone what your answer was. You put a hand on your hip, shaking your head to yourself. "I'm going in there to talk to him."

"No!" Richie's eyes widened. "No. Just calm down, and I'll talk to him."

You stared at him disbelievingly. He stared back at you challengingly with the confidence only Richie could have. "I'll be back in no time. I know what I'm doing, trust me."

Richie didn't know what he was planning on doing when he opened the door to the kitchen in search of Carmen. He just hoped he wasn't using a knife when he found him.

He turned a few corners before Carmen was in his line of view, hunched over the counter as he worked busily on something Richie couldn't see. He leaned against the counter next to him, watching Carmen as his focus didn't even falter.

"Carm."

He didn't get a reply, just the back of Carmen's head as he focused on reading the piece of paper in front of him, hand braced against the shining surface it lay on.

"Carmy."

The man in question slowly shifted his focus to the man next to him, whose distracting presence had become impossible to ignore. "What? What is it?"

Richie peered down at him. "Promise that you won't get mad."

Carmen's eyes narrowed. "What the hell did you do?"

"Just promise me you won't fucking blow up at me like you always do."

"Why would I promise that if I don't even know what the hell you did?"

Richie tipped his head back exasperatedly. "Just say you promise!"

"I fucking promise! Okay?" Carmen ran a hand through his hair, moving it again to cross his arms. "Now, what is it?"

Richie paused, kicking out his foot and casually peering down at it with feigned interest. "Mars Bar is outside right now. Again."

Carmen's forehead creased and he looked over at Richie with sudden alarm. "What? Why? Is she okay?"

Richie gave him a knowing look, smug for a moment. "Yeah, she's fine." He shrugged. "I just, um, might have given her a job here up at the register."

Carmen's face was unmoving, his tone raising with poorly hidden anger. "You what?"

"And I might've also told her you really wanted her to work here."

Carmen's eyes scanned Richie's sporadically like he couldn't process his words fast enough. "Wh- Why the fuck would you do that? I already told her no-"

"Yeah, and I told her yes. Because you're an idiot and I'm saving your ass. You're welcome!"

Carmen ran a hand through his hair exasperatedly. "For what? Fucking me over?"

"I did not fuck you over, Carm, I'm doing this for you!"

Carmen shook his head, anger bleeding its way through his mind. "What the hell are you talking about? I told you, Richie, I don't want her anywhere near this place. I- I thought that was understood."

"No, it was not fucking understood because it was a stupid idea." Carmen let out a scoff as Richie put his hands out to Carmen in a calming gesture. "This is a good thing, trust me."

Carmen sputtered. "How the fuck is it-"

"Shut the fuck up and listen to me, Carm!" Richie shouted, bravely putting a hand up in front of Carmen's face. He pointed his finger at him which Carmen regarded with annoyance. "You need to stop being a moron and pushing away every single fucking female that tries to come within ten feet of you, alright?"

Carmen's brows furrowed even further, confusion building alongside anger. "I really have no goddamn idea what your point is here, Richie, but this has nothing to do with-"

"Oh spare me, Cousin!" He shouted. "We all know you've had the hots for Mars Bar over there since you were kids, alright?"

Carmen's mouth clamped shut immediately at this, his breathing coming out in fumes. He shook his head back and forth.

"Is this what this whole fucking thing is about, you jagoff?"

"Woah woah woah!" Richie cut in. "I am not the jagoff here, Cousin. I'm helping you out!"

"Richie's right, Carm," cut in Fak from behind, appearing suddenly out of nowhere like he always seemed to.

"Shut the fuck up, Fak!" Carmen held his head in his hand, trying to grab hold of his temper that he could feel slipping out of control. He needed to breathe.

"She can't work here."

Richie raised his arms in a shrug. "Well, you're gonna have to go tell her that yourself."

"I fucking will."

Carmen stormed off towards the kitchen door, ready to tell you yet again that you had to leave, a daunting thought overlooked thanks to adrenaline. Richie chuckled from behind him. "Yeah right, like you're gonna fire her."

Carmen didn't let himself listen to Richie any longer. Fists clenched at his sides, he opened the door and there you were, standing there, looking confused and a little surprised with parted lips.

Richie came up from behind and patted him on the back. "Go on, Carm. Tell her." You watched as Carmen's jaw clenched.

Carmen really wanted to tell you that you couldn't work here. That you had to go home. That you had to run far away from this place and go back to studying abroad and being more successful than any of them and all of that bullshit. Maybe it was because your eyes were shining a little too bright in the restaurant lighting, or that they looked a little too hopeful as they stared back at him with raised brows, waiting. But he didn't say anything of those things.

"You..." he started. Your eyebrows raised further. His palms suddenly became sweatier. He took a breath in.

"You, um," a beat passed. He licked his lip. "You're gonna need an apron."

Your eyes lit up even more if possible, and he thought his heart would give out. Then, you ran up and threw your arms around his neck in a tight hug, and he genuinely questioned if his brain had short-circuited because, by the time he came back to reality, you'd already pulled away and were practically jittering with excitement from in front of him.

"Thank you so much, Carm." Every time you smiled at him in that way he felt himself lose a bit of control. He didn't like the feeling. "You won't regret it."

He smiled back at you because he couldn't not. He wasn't so sure.

Carmen had given you your apron. When he'd handed it to you, you'd brushed fingers and your heart skipped a little beat at the contact. That had been the most eventful thing to occur within the next four days.

You'd done practically nothing at The Beef all week. There'd been a noticeable lack of customers coming into the restaurant to take orders, and those who did oftentimes came in just to see Richie, which had you leaning against the counter waiting and listening to their loud conversations with the man.

It felt like there was some sort of prank being played on you. Surely they wouldn't pay you money for doing absolutely nothing. All the waiting around doing close to nothing made you antsy, frustrated, and confused.

You'd been meaning to address this to Carmen, to ask what you were doing wrong, but getting a hold of him was near impossible. You'd seen so little of Carmen that you couldn't even be sure he came into work most days, the only confirmation being his shouts coming from the kitchen at the others. As embarrassing as it was to admit, you became jealous of them. You'd take Carmen shouting orders at you in the kitchen any day over him saying nothing to you at all. It almost felt like he was avoiding you.

It was a Thursday night, and the antsy feeling inside of you had you staying late at work that night, wiping down tables with an intense amount of fervor.

You'd thought you were the last one in The Beef. It'd been dark for hours, but you had nobody and nothing exciting waiting for you at home, so working a little extra couldn't hurt. And, if it made Carmen notice your position at The Beef at least a little bit, it would be worth it.

As your thoughts drifted to the man, something made a noise from the kitchen, and it became apparent to you that maybe you weren't the only one working late that night.

"Hello?" You'd said aloud, your voice slightly echoing in the vacant restaurant. No response was returned. You slowly went back to scrubbing down a table against the far wall from the kitchen door when it swung open, and there stood Carmen Berzatto in his patchwork wool jacket, looking like seeing you was the last thing he'd expected.

The sight was jarring to you for a number of reasons. You jumped up speedily and tucked the rag you'd been using to clean tables slightly behind you as if he hadn't already seen you using it.

"Mars Bar?" He said, the nickname falling easily from his lips like it was the only one he'd ever known you by. He eyed your tense stance.

"Hey, Carmen." Your smile was just as unnatural. His eyebrows pulled downward at you, eyes squinting and blinking confusedly in the dim lighting like he was fighting sleep.

"What are you doing here so late?" You nibbled at your own lip. Carmen, even from across the room, made sure to follow the movement. You noticed him eye the rag in your hands.

"I was just cleaning off some of the umm ... some of the tables." You didn't know why you sounded so embarrassed. You also didn't know what was going through Carmen's mind as he looked over you, and then over the spotless tables behind you.

"Wow," he began, running a hand through his hair. "You really didn't have to do all this. It's not ... it's not part of your job, you know?" A feeling bitter and stale simmered inside of you.

"I know." You stood up straighter. "Maybe I just wanted to.

You wanted to say more in the moment, tell him all of your frustrations, but you didn't. You just stared back at him and watched as he walked towards where you stood by the tables. You didn't move an inch.

His eyes surveyed the tops of the tables and he marveled at how clean they were. Not just clean, but almost sparkling, even in the low lighting that came from a single overhead lamp and the streetlights from outside.

"You did a great job, Chef."

Your eyebrows raised unintentionally. He'd never called you that before, though you'd heard the name from his lips aimed at others countless times. He noticed your reaction.

"What?" He asked, eyeing you curiously. He leaned back against the table next to you, his beautiful stare almost becoming a little too much for you after a long day. You shrugged.

"Nothing. It's just," you paused, "you've never called me that before."

His expression was slightly confused, slightly amused. "Well," he began, gaze shifting from the ground to you. "Now I do. You work here, don't you?"

The question settled uncomfortably in your chest, and you let out a laugh that sounded just as strained. "Hardly."

Carmen's eyebrows flashed downwards in a quick frown. "What do you mean 'hardly'?" You felt his eyes scanning your face, scanning you. "What's up?"

You went back to rubbing at the corner of a nearby table with your rag if only to distract yourself from Carmen's gaze and the petty way your words sounded coming from your lips.

"I mean," you began. "It feels like I haven't really done much of anything around here, you know?" When he didn't say anything back, you continued. "I've only taken a handful of customer's orders in the past couple of days. And, I know I'm not the best cook in the world but I could definitely help out in the kitchen with something. Maybe I could cut up some stuff, or prep it, or whatever you guys call it. Anything, really."

He didn't say anything right away, and you became horrified that you'd pushed his buttons too many times in the last week with your rants and that he'd finally send you on your way once and for all. Then, you heard something like a laugh come from him. You reeled back.

"Is something funny?" You asked, your tone uncharacteristically sour. He silenced his amusement and looked at you intently.

"You've always been such an overachiever, Mars."

You paused, then shook your head. "Oh please, we all know you're the ambitious one."

"No, not when we were kids," Carmen argued. "I was never great in school. You, on the other hand," he chuckled under his breath. "My mom would have me go check in on you whenever we hadn't heard from you on a night before a test. Make sure you weren't overdosing on coffee and pop."

You swore you could feel your heart beating in your chest at Carmen's revelation and the fondness in his voice.

"You know," Carmen began again, getting lost in memories. "I think my mom used to have this theory I'd marry you one day or something. Said you were the only girl who'd put up with my stubbornness."

Oh my God. Your head was spinning. Why was he saying this? He didn't know what the hell he was doing to you. Or your heartbeat, which was concerningly gaining speed. He never did.

All you could say was, "Oh?"

He laughed some more like this was something casual, something funny. You couldn't help but notice that forever present weight present in his eyes, though. Something he could never seem to shed.

"Yeah, well," Carmen began again, "my mother has also been mentally unstable for years, so." He jokingly trailed off, his voice dying in the silence, along with any butterflies you'd felt. You laughed quietly, even if laughing was the last thing you wanted to do when hearing that.

You felt like you were being suffocated. By him and his blue eyes and his dry, self-deprecating jokes and the small quirk of his lips. You were also getting restless because you'd started off trying to talk with Carmen about your job, and now were getting lost in the haze of your feelings for him which you decided were useless and would get you nowhere. You cast them aside the best you could and looked him directly in the eyes.

"Carmen," you said. His attention focused directly on you. "Did you listen to any of the things I said about working here?"

He nodded. "Yeah," he assured you. "Of course."

"So, will you take them into consideration? Let me do more, Carmen. I can do more."

There was a beat of silence. He fidgeted, like he did when he was a boy and couldn't focus in class, or when he was nervous around a girl he'd liked. Nervous around you.

He wanted to say yes. Hell, he would've given you anything you'd asked for just to see you happy. But he didn't know what the consequences of giving you a more important role at The Beef would achieve. What it might stop you from achieving. What it might do to him. So, he didn't say anything. Not anything direct.

"I know you can, Mars." He exhaled and then put his hands in his pockets, eyes cast down. He glanced at his watch. "It's almost midnight. We can talk about this more in the morning. Okay?"

His response was like a smack in the face. A sharp pain that left a dull ache. You let a breath out and tried to keep your face from revealing your stubborn frustration. You slowly nodded. "Okay."

Even if you tried to contain your emotions, Carmen could see it. He noticed it in the quick flare of your nostrils as you breathed, in the slight clench of your jaw. Stupidly, he asked, "Is that okay?"

You weren't looking at him. You were looking at your feet. You tapped your foot once. "Yes."

Even more stupidly, he asked, "Are you sure?"

You finally shifted your focus to him and he felt his own jaw clench at the way it sent a rush down his spine.

"Yeah, Carmen." That was the first time he didn't like the way you said his name.

"Alright," he said, nodding slowly, lifting his bag higher on his shoulder.

"Alright."

You lifted the rag from the table, stood there for a second, and walked towards the counter, where you wrung it out and slapped it down into a bucket full of other dirty rags, and left it there. You didn't feel much like putting it away.

Carmen hadn't moved and just stood there by the tables, watching as you collected your coat from behind the counter and turned off the lights as you walked past.

When he saw you walking towards the door, he rushed to get there first, to open it for you. You beat him to it, opening it yourself. He closed it and locked the door behind him. You both were engulfed by the dull chill of the air right away, and you couldn't help but shiver.

Carmen turned to you. "Let me drive you home." He didn't dare offer you a lighthearted smile or anything of that sort. He didn't think he had it in himself to be lighthearted, anyways.

You gifted him a polite one with a short tug of your lips. "I have a car. Thanks."

Carmen could've smacked himself right there. "Right." He didn't know what was wrong with him. "Sorry." The apology was for more than just his assumption, but he couldn't bring himself to clarify.

"I'll walk you to your car then?" He asked, though you knew no matter what you said he'd make sure you'd get to your car safely either way.

"Okay, yeah."

You both turned to walk to your car, Carmen letting you take the lead for a moment before catching up to walk side by side with you. You were hit with the reality that Carmen Berzatto was walking you to your car, alone with you, at midnight. A small gesture that had your mind buzzing from the contrast between your love for him and your frustration with him. Nobody had come close to making you feel the emotions Carmen made you feel, even if no words were shared between both of you on that short walk. It felt completely silent. Somehow, even if the streets of Chicago were anything but, it felt silent.

Carmen thought about how his life was full of silent moments, never saying what he truly wanted to, to the people he wanted to speak to the most. When he noticed you were cold, even through your jacket, he walked a little closer to you. Whether you noticed it or not, he didn't know, but at least it soothed a small part of his mind that was blaring that night, telling him that he'd fucked up with you. That you deserved better. He couldn't help but think that same thing when he was around you, all the time.

You'd both crossed the street to reach your car in not even a full minute, but the walk had felt eternal to you. When you turned to Carmen to tell him goodnight, he was already looking at you intently. You wanted to ask what he was thinking, but you didn't, and unlocked your car.

"See you in the morning, Carmen," you said, tone unrevealing. He gave you his best neutral smile.

"Yeah. See you, Mars."

You went to open your car door, but this time he beat you to it. Even if he made you angry, he was still Carmen.

You watched as he rounded the front of your car back to the sidewalk, hands in his pockets, soft breathing visible in the cold from the white puffs it made in the air as he breathed.

You gave him one last wave as a goodbye, but by that time he was pretty much out of vision, and then drove away.

He watched your car drive down the street, stop at the light, turn the corner, and then glide out of view.

Immediately, he knew he should've said more on the walk to your car. He should've at least apologized. He didn't tell you that he was sorry for being so shitty. He didn't tell you he appreciated everything you did. He also didn't tell you his car was parked on the opposite end of the street.

And as he walked back to it, crossing The Beef again with its spotless tables, he thought about nothing except you.

The next morning had you waking up with a headache that only worsened when you stepped foot into The Beef. Your coworkers were shouting and blurting out orders in typical kitchen lingo that you honestly didn't fully understand.

There seemed to be an underlying tension simmering in the air that morning that had everyone's voices raised just a little bit more than usual, echoing through to you from your designated spot behind the front counter.

You figured out soon that that tension came from the review of The Beef that had been put in the paper the night before. It was the same topic that had Sydney and Richie arguing back and forth for minutes on end next to you.

"So this is a war on poor people?" You heard Richie ask as you finally tuned back into their yelling. "I see you."

"No," Sydney yelled back. "This is a war on you shutting the fuck up and learning how to use the tablet! The end dude."

"What is the end?"

You turned to your left to see Carmen stride out of the kitchen, looking every bit intense, shoulders hunched and rigid. He glanced at you in some form of a greeting for only a second before putting himself between Richie and Sydney and somewhat settling their argument.

"Are we ready?" He asked them with a rushed tone.

"No!" Sydney snapped, but headed back into the kitchen with Richie, even if you could see she wanted to punch the man in the face.

You turned back around to watch Carmen as he hurriedly ran a hand through his hair and started to rush back into the kitchen. You tried to catch his eyes, but he didn't meet your gaze.

"Um, Chef?" You tried to call, reaching out an arm to get his attention just a hair too late, him brushing past you without taking notice of you.

"Carmen?" This time he turned around, head flipping around to focus on you with eyes shot wide in the rush.

"What's up?" He asked, eyes quickly assessing your face. For a second you forgot what you were supposed to be asking.

"Did you, um, think about what I said last night?" He blinked back at you. "You said we'd talk about it in the morning, so, could we maybe talk about it?"

With the way he stared back at you, for a second you could've sworn he'd forgotten what you were talking about. Then, it had clearly dawned on him and he squeezed his eyes shut for a second, holding out a hand to his head.

"No, yeah, right." He thought for a second, and then looked around, peeking into the kitchen, attention clearly spread elsewhere.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "Can we just ... talk about this another time?"

You tried not to show your frustration. "Like when?"

"Uh," Carmen started, but he was already backing into the kitchen. A loud clanging noise of pots and pans rang through to the front, and his focus was completely lost. "Who the fuck keeps denting my pans, Chefs?!" He shouted. He threw the kitchen door open and moved to go inside, but not before calling out "We'll talk later, Chef!" and disappearing into the kitchen.

You groaned. "Later," could mean any time between that day and Easter. You didn't want to blame Carmen. You knew he was extremely busy and tended to overwork himself. But something in the back of your mind told you he was avoiding you. You didn't like the feeling.

It'd only been maybe an hour into the day when all hell started to break loose in the kitchen. At least from what you could hear. There was three times as much yelling as usual and people were weaving through the station by the front counter and the kitchen, shouting sandwich orders. Meanwhile, you felt lost and unhelpful, with no direct answer as to what was going on.

You'd spent your time filling up the napkin dispenser and cutting green tape, feeling your uselessness in your bones. Maybe Carmen was right. Maybe you were overly ambitious. That didn't change the fact that now it seemed like not just Carmen, but everyone else had gone out of their way to keep you away from the kitchen.

You'd thought about going in there anyway, but thought better of it when listening to the commotion. That was, until you saw Marcus with his bags taking his leave towards the exit, a look of both anger and defeat on his face.

"Woah, Marcus," you called out with furrowed brows. "What's wrong? Where are you going?"

He let out a quick breath from his nose that sounded like it was supposed to be a wry laugh. He pointed towards the back. "Anywhere but in that kitchen." You frowned and he shook his head. "He's losing his shit, man."

You were confused and looked to him for more of an explanation, but he was already walking out the door and it didn't seem like he had any plans of coming back. You wanted to ask him "who?", but you had a sinking feeling in your gut telling you that you already knew just who he meant.

That and the loud "Fuck!" that came from the other side of the wall was the last push you needed to finally storm into the litchen. As soon as you walked in, it was a complete overload to your senses. The sounds and smells of sizzling food, the clunky buzzing of timers, and an argument at practically every corner. What had you reeling to a stop, though, was the sight of Carmen shouting truly throat-tearing orders, face turning red with exertion, hair damp from sweat, skin gleaming in the sight.

"Can somebody get me a Sharpie that fucking works?!" he screamed while whipping a Sharpie out of his hand and onto the ground. Your eyes widened at the sight.

"Woah," you said aloud, not even meaning to say the word but being unable to stop yourself. When you did, Carmen's focus switched onto you in a second and you could see the pure chaos held behind his eyes.

"Wh- what the fuck are you doing in here?"

You frowned at his abruptness. "I just wanted to know what the hell is going on in here-"

"Nothing is going on in here."

Someone laughed from around the corner and about three more timers began to buzz and beep.

"Oh please, I've been hearing screaming for hours and then I see Marcus storming out of here with his things saying you've lost it."

At that, Carmen paused, eyes searching yours intently. "Marcus left?"

"Yeah," you answered steadily, unsure of how exactly he'd react. "It looked like he was quitting."

For a second, it looked like Carmen felt guilty, sad, but then he was fuming and slamming his hands down on the counter.

"Fuck!" He shook his head back and forth like he was rummaging through a thousand thoughts swirling around his head. He shouted again. "Fuck!"

You didn't like the sight before you, or the way Carmen seemed to be losing control of himself, and quickly. "Now can you tell me what the problem is?" You almost pleaded. "I could help."

Carmen hardly bothered to look you in the eyes and strode past you to reach the oven you'd been standing by, lifting the lid of a pot and adjusting the heat at lightning speed.

"You're not seriously ignoring me right now when I'm offering to help-"

He put up a hand. "I told you I'd talk with you later, Mars. Go back to the register."

You scoffed. "What the hell are you talking about? That's-" you shook your head. "I'm not leaving until I at least know what the fuck is going on."

"You wanna know what the fuck is going on?" Richie shouted out, laughing to himself loudly as he appeared from behind the corner. "Some moron left the pre-order option open on her beloved tablet overnight and now we're 250-something beefs behind schedule!"

Your head was spinning from the news and from the lack of air in the kitchen, but the yelling kept coming.

"Okay, well, the 'moron' is right here and she has a name, thank you," cut in Sydney, livid. "And there is no fucking way you are putting all the blame on me right now, Richie-"

"Who else's fucking fault is it sweetheart?"

"Richie, I swear to God if you call me that one more time-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Carmen's booming voice split the two of them apart. "Shut the fuck up and get back to work!"

They listened and went back to their stations angrily mumbling to themselves. That didn't change the fact that you knew the kitchen was in deep shit and Carmen was one wrong move away from losing his mind. You watched as he stormed around the kitchen to different stations. You'd be an idiot if you just stood at the register waiting for more nonexistent orders.

"Sydney," you called out as she passed by. "What can I do to help?"

She raised the corners of her lips in a slightly surprised smile and thought for a second.

"You can probably start by helping me with peeling these potatoes for now." She handed you a basket filled with potatoes and pointed towards a metal peeler on the counter. You quickly nodded.

"Okay, on it, Chef."

"Great. Oh, and-"

"Sydney, what the fuck are you doing?" yelled Carmen as he rounded the corner behind Sydney. He glanced angrily back and forth between you and the potatoes in your hands.

Sydney rolled her eyes. "What does it look like I'm doing, Chef? I'm getting us some very much necessary extra help."

"We don't need any fucking extra help right now!"

Sydney turned fully to face him. "Carmy what the fuck is your problem right now? Just let her fucking peel some potatoes!"

Carmen was breathing heavily, a vein in his neck visibly contracting."I told you guys she stays out front. I told everyone she's not supposed to-"

"Excuse me?" You asked, cutting in. He was talking about you like you weren't standing right behind Sydney, hearing his every shouted word. "Sydney's right. You need to stop getting so worked up about this!"

Carmen looked like he wanted to scream. To break out into shouts even louder than even those from this morning. You'd only seen Carmen worked up like this a few times before and even then he knew when he was taking things too far.

He didn't say anything back to you and just turned away.

"Someone just get her out of here!" He hollered, to anyone who'd listen. Anyone but you. Somehow, that was even more angering than his yelling.

"Hey!" You yelled, shoving his shoulder back to turn him to face you. He glanced down towards the same shoulder before looking back towards you. You saw something haughty flash behind his eyes as they stared back at you. "Whatever you need to say about me, you can say it to me, Carmen."

He was definitely speaking to you now.

"I need you to stay the fuck out!" He pointed a finger down at you. "You never fucking listen to me! I gave you this job because you fucking asked me to, because Richie fucking asked me to. So how about you finally listen to me and stay the fuck out?!"

You knew everyone had stopped to watch. It was quieter in the kitchen than it had been all morning.

You both stood standing there with heavy breathing. Your mind couldn't think of what to say back in that moment, but a thousand different responses played through your mind. Things you wanted to ask, to shout, to make sure he understood.

Your stare bore into Carmen's own for a few seconds, noticing the anger in them, but also something fragile threatening to shatter and reveal itself. He looked away from you quickly, bracing a hand on the counter.

"Leave, Chef." He said. You didn't need to be asked twice. Not that he was asking.

"Yeah," you laughed under your breath. You untied your apron and left it on the counter. "I definitely will."

He could call you Chef, but he wouldn't even let you enter the kitchen. He could yell at you, but he couldn't even look you in the eyes as you finally left the kitchen.

Another timer went off in the background as Carmen stood there, mulling over what he'd just done in his head; the one thing, most of all, he didn't want to happen.

Sydney shook her head, brushing past him. "Carmen Berzatto, you are a fucking idiot."

He didn't have anything to say, nothing to argue back with. He knew she was right. And as he heard the front door jingle as a sign of you leaving, he also knew just how badly he'd fucked up.

You didn't come to work the next day, or the day after that. Carmen never got to listen for the jingle of the doorbell as you came into work. He didn't get a single glimpse of you, those glimpses that were like caffeine shots, keeping him going every day. He didn't see your warm, familiar eyes that reminded him why he kept going in the first place. This was what he got for trying to keep you at arm's length. For being an asshole. The regret knawed at him painstakingly.

When the first hour went by and you didn't show up, he didn't need anyone to tell him that you wouldn't come into work that day. He had Richie cover the register in your place, an order shouted quickly as he was forced to think about things other than you. And as the day went on, the fact that he didn't know when he'd see you again was a heavy weight that lay in his chest, waiting to be addressed.

You awoke that morning in your apartment, phone lighting up beside you on your bedside table to four missed calls all from the same person. A person you didn't really feel like talking to much.

You checked the time and saw it was almost noon. It wasn't like you to sleep in. And, you hadn't called in sick to work. Not that it mattered.

The next day went the same. You hadn't called in sick that morning either, but you didn't have it in you to care. You didn't even know if you wanted to come back, but there was a twisting feeling inside of you that you knew wouldn't feel release until you settled things with Carmen. The hard part would lay in being upfront with him, not letting him make any excuses, and not letting yourself soften all because he was Carmen Berzatto. A battle between your pride and whatever you felt for him.

Carmen had called you two more times, but soon, the calls stopped coming. Carmen may have been an asshole at times, but he wasn't an idiot. In fact, he was extremely smart. And definitely smart enough to know that calling you repeatedly would get him nowhere, not when he'd been as awful as he had.

You'd spent the day driving around running errands that left you tired with boredom. The sun was setting as you walked back to your own front door, the air crisp and clear from the cold while your mind felt anything but. You reached your front doorstep and unlocked the entrance to your apartment, only to step forward and feel something crunch and mash underneath the heel of your shoe. You lifted your foot and glanced downward.

A candy bar. You peered down further. A Mars Bar.

Something inside of you paused. Maybe your heartbeat, maybe your thoughts. You weren't sure but you could feel it. The now half-smushed candy bar lay on the floor like a bittersweet memory.

You blinked. There was a note. It looked like it had been torn from the corner of something messily. More importantly, there was writing on it, in pencil, words pressed hard into paper.

I'm an asshole. You don't deserve that.

No name, but you knew who it was from. Not a "sorry" in sight, but you knew he was trying. You could almost feel the intent behind the words etched into the paper as you held it. You wanted to be furious still. And you definitely were mad. But maybe not as much. Because you knew Carmen.

You knew he had the temper of someone who'd just lost a brother, of someone who'd grown up in a screaming Berzatto household in the heart of Chicago. You'd never taken his outbursts to heart and you didn't want to now. Besides. You knew, eventually, you'd miss him too much to ignore him.

So much for not giving in to Carmen Berzatto.

You didn't really know what plan you had when you walked back towards your car, sat down, placed the chocolate bar and note in your bag, and drove. You didn't think you had one. You just were aware that your days away from The Beef had been extremely boring and that you wanted to see Carmen. To hear what he had to say to you. Even if it didn't end the way you wanted.

The familiar path to The Beef stretched before you now as an uncertain one. When you got there, you tossed your bag over your shoulder and got out of your car to the sight of the lights off in the front of the restaurant. But, if you knew anything about Carmen, you knew he'd stay late. Your assumption was proven right when you entered through the unlocked door—a slightly concerning fact—and saw the harsh white light of the kitchen flooding through to the rest of the place.

You hesitated to enter, not sure if you really knew what you were doing, but ignored the thoughts plaguing you and walked carefully into the kitchen, waiting at the door when you saw him.

He faced mostly away from the door, from you, hunched over the counter doing something that had his full focus, enough of it that he didn't notice you at first. You saw he had a toothbrush in hand and that he was determinedly scrubbing at the silver countertop surface that already sparkled spotlessly. Clearly, he didn't notice or care.

It felt like you were holding your breath as you watched him, saw how focused he was, how the muscles in his back flexed and churned with each precise movement he made as he scrubbed at a nonexistent stain. Like he held a desire to erase more than just grime.

He did that for what felt like another minute without pause, and you watched the whole time wordlessly, not wanting to break the focus he had and not knowing what to say regardless. Part of you just wanted to watch him, to see how long he could keep at it without noticing you. It wasn't for too long.

He lifted his posture upright and ran a hand through his hair, inhaling deeply with little exhale as if something weighty was plaguing him. Then, he finally sensed your presence at the doorway, eyes flicking towards you as his moments came to a halt. You watched him part his lips as he thought about what to say.

He shakenly said your name, a fragile plea. The word was soft coming from his lips like he knew it well, but nestled in your brain with surprise as he called you by your real name, not just a nickname. You didn't know what to say, so you didn't say anything at all.

As he looked at you standing in the doorway, he felt exposed, like you could see through any walls he'd tried to build around himself. Words faltered from his brain. His lips parted again as if he was going to say something more, but they shut just as quickly and he ran a hand over his chin. He gestured that hand out to you.

"You uhm- did you get my note?"

You stared back at him for a beat before nodding and reaching into your bag. You held the note out in front of you, the side of your mouth quirking upwards. "Was this Carmen language for 'I'm sorry' ?"

You were half kidding and half serious, a test hidden in your words. The fact weighed on Carmen's brain, his demeanor more nervous than usual, more anxious.

"Yeah, uhm," he scrunched his eyes closed for a half second before walking towards you, taking the note from your hand and reading it to himself again, feeling the warm haze of shame creeping up on him. "Let me translate."

He read it once more. "Well, the 'I'm an asshole,' is pretty verbatim. I'm an asshole, and an idiot, and a bunch of other bad things." He glanced up at you from the paper and was relieved to see that you seemed at least a little amused. He continued. "And the 'You don't deserve that', you see, that's the good part, it translates directly to 'I'm sorry for yelling at you ' and 'it doesn't matter how stressed I was, I shouldn't have taken it out on you. That was wrong of me. And ... you're great.' "

Your eyebrows raised. "That's quite the translation."

Carmen laughed to himself breathily, but it held little amusement. "Yeah, I've been told communicating with me is like trying to tame a wild animal."

You smiled. "Who told you that?"

"Sugar."

Your laugh was warm and sounded like home. It was a feeling that left as fast as it came because soon the air between the two of you seemed to thicken with unspoken words and unresolved emotions. The heavy silence lay bare and neither of you decided to fill it right away.

"Carmen."

The way you said his name sent shivers down his spine, a sensation that never ceased to affect him. He nodded at you, eyes studying your face showing that you had his sole attention.

"I know you don't like the idea of me being here. You don't have to try and hide it." His eyes widened as you spoke."But, could you at least tell me why?"

He stared back at you, brows furrowed like he was confused. It was like you could see the gears turning in his brain as he fought to find the right wording, revealed by the stiffening mass of his shoulders that never seemed to relax.

"I don't not like you being here, Mars Bar." He spoke slowly. "I think it's great that you're back in Chicago. I ... We've missed you."

A subtle warmth lay in his gaze, but you couldn't help but feel it was dimmed by whatever emotion he'd been suppressing, the battle evident in flickers in the blue of his eyes.

"I want to believe that, but with the way you've been avoiding me, how can I?"

"Avoiding you- that's," he shook his head, almost seeming incredulous, and you watched as he swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing as he did. "I haven't been trying to avoid you."

You didn't know how he could sound surprised, how you could've interpreted the way he's acted all week as anything else. "Well that's definitely what it's felt like when I tried talking to you all week, and you're just ... I don't know, dismissive."

He rubbed a hand at the nape of his neck, focus pitched somewhere that wasn't at you, jaw tightening slightly. "I just ... it's busy around here trying to bring in enough money, and there have been a lot of different things that have my focus right now," he started, as if he hadn't, time and time again, had to remind himself to stop thinking about you.

"Carmen, I know you're busy but that-," you tried to keep your emotions from showing through your voice, but you were aware of the tinge of frustration that was slipping through. "I know that's only part of it. I just need you to be more transparent with me. I can't read your mind."

He nodded, silently thanking God that you couldn't. He swallowed again and you noticed a tremor in the way he held the note he'd written, a sign of unease that he quickly hid in the pocket of his jeans.

"I'll tell you anything you want to know." His blue eyes stared into yours, though you could sense the reluctance in his voice. "But I'm not gonna lie and say that I think it's a good idea for you to stay here."

You felt yourself frown, brows tugging downwards in frustration and confusion. "Why?"

His gaze faltered for just a moment, seeming torn, but he was quick to regain his momentum. "This place is ... it's not meant for someone like you."

You squinted at him, feeling a mix of disbelief and irritation. "Someone like me?"

"Yeah, I just mean," he hesitated, hearing the way you repeated his words, like they were meant to insult. "You were supposed to leave here and finish your studies abroad and achieve great things. Things bigger and better than this shit hole. You were gonna-"

"Carmen, stop." You almost scoffed to yourself. "My plans were always to stay close to home. A few months abroad weren't gonna change that." The air in the room seemed to thicken with the weight of the words you both shared, the thoughts never said allowed before. You noticed your breathing was becoming labored as you failed to understand the way Carmen's mind worked, the way he tried to communicate so much by doing so little.

"This whole time you were worried about me supposedly being meant to achieve great things, but what about you?" You let out a stunned laugh. "You're the one who studied with the best of the best, traveled all over, became a world-class chef and everything else, and now you're overworking yourself at this place and refusing help."

"Yeah, well, that part of my life stopped when Mikey gave this place to me as a final fuck you, so."

Your heart twinged not only at the name, but at the way Carmen's eyes flashed with hurt while his words could've cut stone.

"Mikey gave this place to you because he trusted you," you reasoned. You tried to make him come down from wherever he was, to detach himself from the hurt and open up. The hard plane of his shoulders lifted once in a shrug, with a small shake of his head as he stared at the ground.

"Yeah well, he just ended up fucking screwing me over."

Carmen's frustration seeped into his voice, the way he emphasized each word like he wanted to release whatever was simmering under the surface. You wanted to reach out, tell him that he could, but you held yourself back and stood up taller.

"That doesn't mean you should push people away from this place. Push me away. I could help out here. I saw how hectic it was the last time I was here and-"

"That day was a fluke," Carmen cut you off. "It's not usually like that..." his jaw worked. "I'm not usually like that." His words were laced with exasperation and a little bit of shame. You could tell he was struggling to keep his emotions in check.

"Carmen, I understand. But-"

"I already blew up at you." His voice cut into the air harshly. He looked away, his chest rising as he tried to control rising frustration. "I didn't mean to do that, I don't... I'm not gonna let that happen again." His words were starting to come out in a rush, escaping his control, something you knew never sat well with him.

"Well, that's my choice to make, Carmen, not one that you can make for me."

"Mars, The Beef isn't- you don't want to settle for this place, just trust me."

"How can I trust you when you've done nothing but push me away since I got here?" You heard the tremble that was growing in your own voice, a mix of hurt and anger. "You've told me a million times what I want and don't want. Have you ever stopped to ask me what I wanted? Seen my point of view?"

Carmen's breathing was picking up too, the crystals that were his eyes looking at you with a mixture of defiance and desperation. He ran a hand over his face.

"I've tried to see your point of view."

"Have you?" you snapped back.

"I gave you the job even though I knew it was a bad idea, I went against what I knew just because it was you and I let Richie convince me it was a good idea, and I am fucking done listening to Richie's ideas-" his breathing was becoming uneven as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

"Hey, Richie's done a lot more to help me since I've gotten back than you have, and a lot more listening!" Now you were yelling, and he was yelling and you didn't like the direction this was going.

"Yeah, well did Richie tell you this place was hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt when Mikey gave it to me? Did he tell you we probably couldn't even afford to pay you a decent fucking salary?"

You opened your mouth, expecting to be equipped with a response as fast as the ones that came before, but that didn't happen and you didn't say anything. You let your eyes scan Carmen, searching for a hint that he wasn't serious, but he looked wholeheartedly sincere and angered. In fact, he looked like he was fighting to even breathe steadily.

You looked at him concernedly, taking a step closer, but he just continued, laughing to himself without joy. "He didn't fucking tell you. Of course not."

His breaths were harsh, coming from his nose and lifting his chest repeatedly. His arms slapped down at his sides, hands trembling. "See, that's why I fucking told him I didn't want you anywhere near this crap hole, I fucking told him-"

His yelling stopped. He recoiled, backing up into the counter recklessly, a pot falling behind him with a clang that had you flinching. His vision was pointed downwards towards the ground, but he was frowning so hard you were sure he couldn't see anything at all, hand to his chest, gripping.

"Carmen?" You asked, alarm suddenly overtaking you and washing away whatever anger had been bubbling inside of you. "Wh- are you okay?"

It took him a second to even process what you'd said, another to respond. "I'm fine, I-" you put a hand on his shoulder to brace him, feeling how tense it was, feeling it trying to move with the effort of his shallow breaths. Panic, shame, embarrassment, everything, seemed to claw at his chest, constricting his breathing even more. "I just- fuck, I can't- I can't-"

"You can't breathe," you said, understanding what was going on now with another flash of alarm that you hid, trying to stay calm. He nodded shakily.

"Carmen," you said steadily. To him, the sound of your voice was distant, overshadowed by the sound of his heart pounding loudly in his ears, muffled the way voices sounded when from underwater. Carmen knew he wasn't underwater. You called his name again, and he did his best to hear it. "You're having a panic attack."

He managed to shake his head again. "I'm fine. I just- shit." His legs practically gave out from underneath him and he braced one hand on the table behind him, one on your shoulder.

The sight of Carmen collapsing to the ground had you wanting to release a sob, but instead, you threw Carmen's arm around you and somehow managed to take two steps towards a bucket that was on the floor against a near wall and got him to sit down on it unsteadily.

You took both of his hands in yours, noticing how his shoulders shook, how the bottom of his neck tinted red from the straining effort to breathe.

"Carmen," you called, kneeling down to his level and giving his hands a squeeze. His vision was blurred, staring downwards, but the hazy sight of his hands wrapped up in yours gave his mind a moment's peace before he was struggling to focus again.

You took a deep breath in, feeling selfish that you even could. "Carm, do your best to look at me." You purposefully slowed your words, spoke softly and clearly, and Carmen heard. You took one hand and rested it by his cheek, hair pooling into your fingers. You brushed it back, and ran your thumb across the rise of his cheekbone, lifting his face to look upwards at you. Even when his mind could hardly form coherent thoughts, your touch still affected him like no one else's.

Once his eyes were on you, you took the hand that was still holding his and placed both on your own chest, covering the area of warm skin close enough to feel your heartbeat. A tremor rolled through him, at your hand, at the way you felt, at your touch.

You. You were here, he thought, and that was a comfort to him in itself.

"Here," you said, pressing down gently but firmly on his hand. "Can you feel my heartbeat?"

Carmen tried, really tried, but his head wasn't focusing no matter what he did. You noticed his struggle right away, like he didn't even have to form words for you to know.

Hurriedly, you took off your jacket and threw it to the ground beside you. Carmen heard the sound of a zipper before his hand was taken in yours again and placed on your chest. This time, the underside of his hand felt warmer, closer to you, to skin.

"How about now?" you asked. His eyes were shut, and he really did his best to focus this time, tune into you, into the way your chest moved up and down beneath his hand, and with it, he heard the soft and steadying rhythm of your heartbeat.

"Yeah, I- I feel it."

You let yourself smile slightly, trying to take slow and deliberate breaths. "Carmen, I need you to do your best to match your breathing with mine." You looked at him and the way his features were scrunching with the effort of trying to listen to you. "Can you do that for me?"

He nodded. He'd do anything for you.

He focused on only his hand, yours, and you. Your chest underneath his palm, warm, and steadying, and alive. He felt it rise once, and fall, all in the time that he let out multiple staggering breaths.

The next time yours rose, he didn't let himself exhale until you did, taking in air from his parted lips and releasing it through his nose, feeling how the air spread thin throughout his body, a good feeling. He did that again, focused on the way his fingertips grazed bare skin, on the sound of your heart beating, in time with his now.

Behind the blank nothingness of his eyelids, scenes played out before him. Visions of his past, echos of familiar voices, spurts of color and light overtaking him.

Then, he thought of you, of the warmth of your gaze, even if he didn't deserve it. The shine of your skin, the way it looked soft even in the harsh light of the kitchen. Thoughts of you, you with him, years ago, months ago, and days, how he'd seen you for the first time in months, standing behind the counter with a smile sweet like the chocolate bars you'd always liked, the one he'd left at your doorstep, a weak attempt at salvaging one of the best relationships he'd ever known. He'd buy a million more if it meant you'd stay with him, by his side, like you'd been for years. Like you were now.

He didn't know how much time had gone by, but he opened his eyes and you were still there, still holding onto him, face looking calm but eyes swirling with emotion. With concern.

He felt fine now, his body having enough strength to support him, but he leaned into you regardless, head sunk down, resting in the place beneath your chin, on your chest. He wanted to get as close to your heartbeat as possible, not just feel it with his hand but surround himself with it.

You brought your hands up to envelop him, one resting on the white cotton covering the hard muscles of his back, rubbing it soothingly, the other coming up to rest in his hair again, gently brushing through the strands closest to the root as if to say I'm here, I have you.

You leaned your own head down to slightly rest on the back of his, mouth brushing against the crown of his head in a way so delicate he wasn't even sure he felt it. But you saw the way he melted into your touch, felt the way the muscles in his back slowly seemed to release tension at each caress. He needed to be held. But he was him, he'd never ask for it. But, you were you, and you'd always know.

You stayed like that for minutes more, though you would've held him all night if he needed it. When he sat back up, the whites of his eyes were tinted pink, and one of his cheeks was gleaming in the light, damp. You didn't comment on it. You didn't say anything at all but stood up from where you knelt and walked towards the counters, peeking underneath them until you found what you needed. You stopped at the sink and returned to your spot in front of Carmen with a plastic deli container filled with water in hand. You offered it to him wordlessly.

"Thank you," he said, taking it from you gingerly, but his voice was hoarse and he felt the red heat of embarrassment as he took large sips of the water, draining it halfway at once. A water droplet escaped from the side of the cup, dripping down his chin, and your eyes followed the movement until you felt guilty about it and stared down at your own hands. The two of you let the silence rest as it was, peaceful and healing, until you felt ready to break it.

"I'm sorry," you said, slightly a surprise for yourself to hear the words from your mouth, but you meant them. Carmen sat back up. "For pushing you to this point. I didn't mean to-"

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Carmen spoke quietly, voice somehow steady. "It- ... that wasn't your fault. It's happened before, when you weren't here."

You let your eyes scan over his face concernedly because he wasn't looking straight at you and you always felt the need to look after him, even if he wouldn't let you.

"This has happened before?" Carmen gave a weak shrug, like this wasn't something he thought about on his own, something he ever let occupy his focus.

"Something like it."

You made a breathy sound of disbelief. "Shit, Carmen."

So many thoughts were demanding your attention, too many. You wanted to tell him how this wasn't supposed to be a normal occurrence, how not okay it was to ignore his mental well-being. Shake him silly for never caring about the right things, for never caring about himself enough. To give him yet another lecture on letting you help him, on letting anyone help him.

"It wasn't as bad this time." His voice paused all your thoughts. "I think it was because you were here."

You didn't know how to respond, but he finally looked into your eyes and saw how much they spoke for you, how they widened, and then blinked once or twice, shying away. Almost like you were guilty, like you were sad. Something inside of him reminded him that he was probably part of the reason for that, and that ate away at him more deeply than any of his, like you said, panic attacks, ever had.

"I'm sorry, Mars."

Your eyes flicked up to his immediately, intention behind them. "You never need to apologize for having a panic attack, Carmen."

"No, for- for not just that." He paused. "For being an ass. For yelling at you. For not listening to you."

You looked at him wordlessly. You didn't want to say it was okay, because you'd be lying if you said that, if you didn't acknowledge how his words still rang sharply in your head. But you'd be lying to yourself if you didn't admit that Carmen certainly made things feel okay when he was calm like this, understanding. Peaceful.

"And I'm sorry for all the shit I gave you about not listening to me."

You let out a quick breath, almost a laugh. "To be fair, I ... didn't."

His heart seemed to swell at even just the hint of laughter that coated your voice.

"Yeah. You don't listen to me." He let the side of his mouth quirk up to match yours. "That's the thing I love about you." Internally he thought, just one of many.

You stared up at him. At the way his eyes seemed to look over your face in adoration. It did something to your heart, pulled on the strings of it, and left it panging in your chest. He noticed right away.

"You alright?" His concern and furrowed brows almost made you want to laugh.

"Yes I'm-," you exhaled. "I'm fine. The real question is, are you alright?" He watched as your eyes flitted all around his face. "To be honest, you don't seem it."

He self-deprecatingly chuckled. "Wow, thanks, Mars."

You shook his arm a little bit, expression disbelieving. "I'm serious."

You thought about how tense he'd been underneath your touch, how tense he'd seemed for the many days that you'd been back home. How that couldn't be healthy for anyone.

"You need to start taking better care of yourself, Carmen." You made sure he was hearing your every word. "Your mental health is important. More important than any job. You have to stop worrying so much about The Beef and start worrying more about you."

He ran a tired hand over his eyes, immediately feeling the urge to look away. "If I didn't put as much as I did into this place, I don't even think it'd still be up and running."

You let the words hang between the both of you for a moment, knowing how important this was to him. It was important to you too.

"I know how much you've done for this place, Carm." You took his hand in yours again. "You care about it a lot, always have. I have too. But you know the toll it's taking on you. That's not good for anyone, and it'll only last so long. And ... that's why I think you should take any help you can get, for now."

As soon as the topic left your lips again, you felt his hand stiffen in your hand, mouth opening to argue, but you held up a hand.

"And before you say anything, I don't care about the full salary, I don't I care about traveling, or 'wasting my potential' or any of that. I care about helping this place, making sure it lasts, for Mikey." You breathed. "And for you. I care about you."

He could feel his own heart start to race in his chest, flustered like he hadn't known you for years, like you weren't one of his oldest friends.

"I care about you too," he said, and the words felt shamefully foreign on his tongue, thinking about how little he'd ever actually said the words. "That's part of why it's hard for me to think about you working here. You mean a shit ton to me. More than anyone else in this damn place."

"You don't mean that." You couldn't stop the way your brows pushed together, looking down at your hand that was holding Carmen's rough and callused ones. "What about Richie, or Fak, or Sydney-"

"They mean a shit ton to me too, but it's ... not the same. You're you."

He looked into your eyes, trying to see if you'd recognized his hints, but he picked up emotions other than the realization. On a frown, on reluctance, on a guarded, shy look.

"I'll always be me, Carmen." You bit at the inside of your cheek, putting off the topic like you weren't important. That was a foreign idea to him. "That doesn't matter. What matters is you not accepting help."

You saw the way his demeanor shifted at your words, a sense of uncomfortableness settling in his bones, revealing itself in the way he sat up straighter. Your grip on his hands was still firm, unwavering, like all you wanted was to make him understand.

"Carmen," you called, but he was already staring at you. "Promise me that you'll let other people take care of you, help you get by. Let me help you."

He was grateful for the way he was positioned, elbows leaning on knees, hands held by yours, because it was stabilizing him, grounding him when he felt like running. He knew that if he wanted to keep you around, keep you by him, he couldn't do that. That didn't change the fact that this was new to him.

"I, um,"

"It doesn't have to all at once." You gave him a smile, a real one, because you knew he was trying. Breaking out of old habits, for you. "One step at a time."

You were back home. Him pushing you away in his head, running, but only in his mind, didn't change that. He didn't want it to. Despite the pull of his mind telling him to hold you at a distance, the push of his heart wanted you. It was drawn to the cradle of your hands, the warmth of your smile.

"I promise."

Your smile grew to a grin that tugged at the sides of your glowing eyes, eyes that sparkled with affection like they held a hidden invitation, a plea for him to let you in. He finally did, and he knew so fully that he would've made that promise to you time and time again if it meant he could have you and see that smile as much as he wanted.

Your fingers brushed the back of his hands as you stood up from where you were kneeling, letting out an exhale that he noticed sounded almost weightless, a change from the burdened way it sounded to him before. The thought put him at ease.

He stood up too, watching you as you retrieved your jacket and put it on, him feeling the urge to help you with even just that. When you focused back on him, the etches of a smile still lingering on your face, it was magnetic. He couldn't look away. You couldn't either.

You stared at the way a hundred different colors danced in the blue of his eyes, a miraculous feat that you'd loved from the start. As you looked at each other, eyes saying more than your mouths had the courage to, your smile grew slowly, heartbeat picking up in your chest.

"Let me walk you to your car," you coaxed, gesturing towards the door. He laughed at the random idea, breaths escaping through his nose.

"What? Why?"

You shrugged, smile and features and everything, warm. "Call it the first step to you fulfilling your promise to me."

Knowing how he'd iced you out, he embraced that warmth. Made it his new home. "Yeah," he nodded. "Okay."

You gestured for him to follow you, he did, and that was all he had to do. You turned off the lights behind the both of you, locked the door, and didn't ask him to do a thing, just to see the amused look on his face when you smiled at him, his eyes staring back at yours like you were a wonder, something rare to be loved and kept safe.

As you walked back to his car, that was all he could think about. How he'd come across this ray of light in his life that was you, and how you'd stayed by his side, a miraculous idea but he didn't even want to dwell on that too much because it took him away from this moment being shared between the two of you, alone, the cold nipping at your skin but it not mattering because too much had happened that night to care.

The moment seemed to come to an end all too quickly. Carmen had stopped once you'd both reached his car, and you did too. He became aware of the feeling of you next to him, savoring it because he knew it'd end the moment he got into his car.

"Carmy," you said, extending the moment just a little longer. He hummed in response, watching as you stuffed your hands in your coat pockets.

"Can you promise me one more thing?"

He nodded, not missing a beat. " Yeah, anything." Something inside of you fluttered. You cast it aside to hold his gaze.

"Promise me you'll always try and tell me what's going on in your head. No more hiding."

His eyes bore into yours like he was contemplating something, a flicker of conflict in them, a vulnerability that you didn't know what to think of. Then, it was gone and you weren't even sure you'd seen it.

"Yeah, I- um," his jaw tightened for a second. "I promise, Mars."

You patted him on the shoulder, a friendly gesture that felt phony even to you. "Great ... that's great."

He flashed a closed-mouthed smile and you both stood there on the sidewalk for a moment, not saying a word.

"Goodnight," you told him, because it was what you would've said to anyone else at that moment, ignoring the whispers in your mind telling you something was missing, that Carmen wasn't just anyone else.

Something tugged at him too, nagging him, insisting that he had more to tell you, more to say before the night was really over, before he had to go to work the next day and somehow navigate his day with the new promises he'd made you. But all he said was "Goodnight, Mars," before getting in his car with just a wave goodbye that felt bare and wrong.

You left him one more of your smiles through the passenger window of his car before walking off to wherever you'd parked your own. He was sure he'd felt butterflies. Butterflies.

Only you could do this to him. He'd felt numb, overwhelmed and unsatisfied all the same time for however long, and then you come back to Chicago and suddenly he felt everything, all the time. It was getting to him, clearly, because he found himself opening his car door and stepping out of it, losing control of his body, loosening his grip of rationality all because of you. Because he wanted to see you, needed to. He needed you.

You were a good distance away from his car by the time he'd gotten out of his, but you turned around at the sound of the car door practically slamming. You frowned, noticing Carmen walking towards you.

"Carmen?" you called into the night, confused. He caught up with you, something behind his gaze that had his eyes shimmering. You swore you could feel the delicate movement of his eyes across your face as soon as he was near enough to truly take it in.

He took hold of your hand, fingers interlocking with yours delicately, an electrifying feeling buzzing through you. You let out a small gasp at the contact, vision shooting down at the point at which you both touched, just a hand hold but the contact took your full focus.

"Hey," he said, something like a smile creeping onto his features and you'd never seen him like this, so exhilarated and full of delicate determination. You looked back up into his eyes, and he took a step closer, finally letting himself be pulled by that magnetic force calling him to you that he couldn't resist. He wouldn't, anyway.

"Wh-," you started, meaning to question him but the thought was brushed aside when he leaned inwards, his forehead falling against yours. His curls brushed against the top of your head, and you secretly loved the feeling, becoming breathless.

"You can tell me to stop, Mars." He murmured it so close to you, breath fanning onto your cheek in a distracting but addictive way, and suddenly you were forgetting how to talk. It didn't matter, because you didn't want him to stop. You looked back up at him, and he saw that in your eyes, so he didn't.

His lips brushed against yours, a taste of what he'd been wanting for longer than he could even remember. The feeling it sent throughout him was immobilizing, and he stayed like that, eyes shut, reveling in it.

It was you who closed the distance, pressing your lips to his and letting the dizzying wave from it spread all over you, to the tips of your fingers that immediately reached up to hold his firm shoulders, and to your brain that buzzed in joy and excitement and a bit of something else.

He froze up for a second when he felt your lips crashing into his. Your lips on his felt like the answers to all his problems, and he needed them in a burning, unignorable way. His brows furrowed and his hands reached up to cradle your neck delicately, holding you like you were more valuable than anything he could've bought, anything he could've wished for, could've imagined he could possibly have.

His lips tugged on yours and yours tugged back, a rhythm that felt easy to follow, like the deep thrum of a heartbeat. And when you both finally pulled apart for air, it was like you could still feel that rhythm, because your heartbeats were beating so loudly and in time with each other's that it felt like the moment was never meant to come to an end.

Your foreheads were still connected, and you knew neither of you had it in you to pull away. You felt somehow even more breathless.

"What was that for?" Your voice was soft, hoarse. You swore you saw Carmen's lip quirk upwards.

"I promised to not hide what was going on in my head." Your hands came up to delicately wrap around his biceps, impossibly solid underneath your fingertips. He didn't suppress the shudder that traveled through him. "Call that the first step."

You smiled, this time against his lips, and somehow that beat every single smile you'd ever given him before. It felt like a promise of your own, to share your warmth with him from now on. He liked the idea, a lot. He'd let you do it whenever you wanted, he liked it that much.

He'd let you take care of him whenever you wanted, too. Again and again, until you got sick of him. But he was Carmen Berzatto. You knew you never would.

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katelynnwrites · 5 months

Text

You Look So Pretty (Pretty Like The Sun) | Sydney Lohmann

warnings: not proof read

word count: 2557

summary: after making your own name, you realise it's not enough because you are still missing your sunshine

a/n: i wasn't going to post this but i'm on a mission to leave all my bad writing behind in 2023 so here's part two of this fic

It’s with a certain amount of trepidation that you walk onto the Bayern Munich training pitch.

Both you and the facility have undergone a major change in the years that you have been away but one thing is the same.

You know when the love of your life is near.

It seems that the blonde can still sense your presence too because she looks up and visibly pales the second she sees you.

‘Sydney.’ You breathe but she shakes her head.

The German player’s eyes are wide and panicked.

You are torn between staying where you are, on the very edge of the pitch or making your way to her.

This is the closest you have been to her since the day she broke up with you.

Luckily or unluckily, your new manager spares you and calls your new teammates over so that you can meet them.

Seeing Magda and Pernille again is a welcome distraction.

The older women had practically adopted you as their own when you were at Chelsea and you sigh contentedly as they wrap you up in a hug.

‘I missed you two so much.’ You mumble.

‘I hope you’re prepared for dinner at our place tonight. You can tell us all about why you didn’t tell us you were coming to Munich.’ The Swede says.

Pernille gives her a fond swat, ‘Oh don’t sound so serious love.’

Conspiratorially, she turns to you and loudly whispers, ‘Magda just wants the chance to mom you again.’

You giggle at the defender’s immediate protests.

******

Meeting the rest of your new club teammates goes smoothly.

All except for one.

Magda and Pernille help with the introductions, easing you back into the Bavarian team.

For all your fame, you’re still shy so you are grateful for the help.

They’re not all new faces, most are familiar.

You grew up playing for the youth teams with Klara and Lea. Some others you know from international games or as opponents that you once played against in the Frauen Bundesliga.

It’s with laughter that you reunite with Lea, the older woman teasing you that you’re still shorter than her.

Your introduction does not last long but by the time you have properly met all of your new teammates, Sydney is nowhere to be seen.

And you hate how awful that makes you feel.

Maybe you didn’t make the right decision in coming back to Munich.

******

Sydney is still Sydney. That much you have come to realise. The blonde has grown up but at her core, she’s still who you fell in love with.

You are content to watch forever as she shines on everyone. There is never going to be anyone else like her. Sydney Lohmann is a singularity.

She shows up to training sessions just a fraction of a second early and drinks far too many coffees for her own good.

Her fancy footwork on the pitch puts everyone else to shame.

The sound of her laugh still makes you happy and her smile brightens up every room that she is in.

Unlike before, none of that is directed towards you.

These days, all she has for you is indifference and silence.

She doesn’t even look at you and from the only interaction you have had so far, the one from your introduction, the midfielder has made it clear that she doesn’t want you back at her club.

You try not to let it affect you or your performance.

The faking it till you make it must be working because you are all set to be a starter just two weeks after rejoining the Bavarian club.

******

Syd doesn’t start that particular game and it gives you an overwhelming sense of relief.

It’s already stressful enough to have to prove yourself good enough to start without adding on your standing with your former girlfriend.

You’re doing well against Köln and you’re proud of how you are adapting back to the German style of play, if you do say so yourself.

There is only about a half hour left of playing time when the blonde is subbed on.

She doesn’t look at you and you keep your gaze down.

Unfortunately, for her, her playing time is cut short. It is like a bad deja vu of her previous injury against Köln, a few years ago.

One second she’s jumping down for a header and the next she is on the ground, holding her ankle.

You hear her cry out and then you are sprinting.

Lina is already at her side and just before you reach her, you freeze.

Sydney doesn’t want you anymore.

So you stay away from her but just far enough that you can still see how she is.

It doesn’t look good.

The medics come on and it is agonising for you to have to listen to Syd’s pained whimpers and do nothing about it.

You are trying your hardest not to flinch when Lea comes up to you.

‘Go to her. She needs you even if she doesn’t know it yet.’ She quietly says.

‘Schülli…’

‘Go. I know you want to.’

Hesitantly, you approach the injured midfielder.

Sydney’s eyes are tear filled and when she sees you, she immediately stretches out her hand.

It is instinct for you to put your hand in hers.

‘You’re gonna be okay.’ You murmur soothingly and she closes her fingers around yours.

The blonde shuts her eyes, more tears escaping despite her best efforts.

You keep holding her hand until the medics signal that she needs to come off.

Your ex girlfriend cries even harder at that and you help her get to her feet.

The German woman stifles a whimper as she does so and you worriedly ask, ‘Do you want a stretcher?’

‘No! Please no.’

‘Okay. Lean on me then.’ You whisper and Syd nods.

She puts her arm around your shoulders and you wrap your arm around her waist, supporting her weight.

‘I got you.’ You assure her, as she limps towards the sidelines.

Once there, it is with great reluctance that you let her go, the medics taking over.

You look over at the bench where your manager is preparing the subs and you signal for you to be replaced.

‘I’m coming off too.’

‘No.’ The blonde snaps.

‘Syd this is not up for debate.’ You insist.

Your meaning and intentions are clear, making Sydney let out a frustrated noise.

‘No. You are going to stay on and be a star. Okay? Go be a star and play for us both.’

She squeezes your hand tightly, wanting you to know how much she means her words.

‘Are you sure?’

Your ex nods, ‘Go.’

‘Okay.’

Syd’s hazel eyes are filled with tears and she looks so vulnerable that you can’t help touching your lips to the side of her head.

‘I’ll score a goal for you. Promise sonnenschein.’

In running back onto the field, you miss the way she lets out a soft sob.

She doesn’t know if she cries harder because of the old nickname, the feel of your lips back on her skin or because of the way the pain in her ankle practically doubles once you are gone.

******

You keep your promise to the German midfielder.

Scoring not just one goal but two before the referee blows the whistle for full time.

Then you rush straight to the medical room where you had been told Sydney is.

You slow down, the clicking of your studs becoming quieter as you approach. Tentatively, you knock on the door before you open it.

Syd’s all alone, sitting on the bed with her knees drawn up to her chest.

Her injured ankle has been fitted with a moon boot and her face is pale.

‘Sydney?’ You ask softly.

‘Why did you come back?’

‘Because I wanted to check on you.’ You answer immediately.

The blonde scoffs, ‘Not here here but Munich.’

‘I don’t understand.’ You murmur even though your stomach drops because you understand perfectly.

Sydney’s eyes narrow with anger.

‘Don’t give me some bullshit answer. You were doing so well for yourself over in Barcelona so why come back? You left before so why return now?’

Her words are clipped, filled with more than just resentment.

You sigh. She still knows you too well.

‘You. I came back for you.’

Sydney’s face goes blank.

‘No. You came here to win the league. You have won the English and Spanish leagues. The Champions’ League and Euros too. This is just one more thing on your list.’

Wincing audibly, you take a step forward.

‘I came back for you. You and you alone Sydney.’

‘No.’ The blonde adamantly says, even as her bottom lip starts to wobble.

‘Syd…I came back for you. I promise I came back for you.’

You are pleading with her now, almost begging for her to believe you.

The midfielder searches your face for traces of lies, tears spilling down her cheeks as she does so.

‘No. No. You chose to leave and I wasn’t enough to make you stay before. Why would I be enough for you now?’

‘Sydney I never wanted to leave you. It broke my heart to leave Germany with how things ended between us.’

Raw pain is evident in your admission and now it is your ex’s turn to flinch.

‘Why didn’t you come back earlier? You could have played for Germany. We could have played together just as we promised to all those years ago.’

You shrug.

‘I was eligible to play for England too and you made it clear that you didn’t want to see me anymore. I know me being here is the last thing you want but I just couldn’t stay away from you anymore. Not when I never stopped loving you.’

Sydney loses the little composure she has left.

Harsh sobs wrack her body and she covers her face with her hands.

‘I’m sorry. I-I’ll go now.’

You turn to leave but the blonde chokes out your name and a plea for you to stay.

‘What?’

‘I never meant for us to break up. I never meant to push you away. Fuck I am so sorry. S-So sorry.’ Syd stammers.

‘Sydney what are you talking about?’

Your words aren’t unkind, just genuinely lost. The German player’s actions have been plain and constant ever since you left. They have been nothing short of obvious in recent times.

Sydney doesn’t want you.

The midfielder wrings her hands, her voice barely a whisper as she says, ‘I love you too. There’s not been a fraction of a second where I haven’t.’

You are floored.

Literally because you have to sit down.

You stare at her silently and the only sound in the room is your ex’s quiet cries.

Eventually her tears slow and she sniffles, looking up at you.

‘Say something.’ She breathes after the painful silence continues.

You don’t know what to say so you go over to her and sit down beside her on the physio bed.

Sydney is trembling but she tentatively wraps an arm around you, getting you to lean your head against her shoulder.

After a few minutes, you curl completely into her side and the blonde sighs in relief.

It is how the rest of the team finds you later, Lea smiling a secret smile to herself.

******

You end up going with Syd back to her apartment. She gives you her address and you drive her there in your car since she can’t do it herself due to her injury.

The blonde keeps stealing glances at you as you drive, wondering if she is dreaming.

She thinks it would be too much if she puts her hand on your knee the way she used to, when you were hers and she yours.

Sydney is so busy overthinking it when you slip your hand onto her knee.

You keep your eyes on the road the entire time but a smile forms on both your faces as Syd covers your hand with hers.

Neither of you have said a word to each other but that’s okay cause there will be time for that.

******

It’s after you have helped the blonde onto her couch and brought her a mug of tea that you realise whose jersey is framed on the wall of her living room.

The three lions crest is familiar, the last name and autograph even more so.

‘Sonnenschein that’s mine.’ You murmur.

Your former girlfriend sets her tea down and nods.

With growing curiosity, you inspect the match worn jersey.

‘From the Euro final in 2022.’ Syd confirms when glance at her.

‘How?’

‘I bought it at an auction. I think it’s the one you wore during the first half.’

You remember now, the England staff had got the team to sign the jerseys before sending them off to some charity organisation.

‘Why do you have it? I would have given it to you for free if you’d asked.’ You question.

You have so many of them that this is as good a place to start as any.

‘Because I was so proud of your achievement. Even if you had to beat me to win that gold medal.’ She explains, picking up her mug again just so that she has something to fiddle with.

‘And I didn’t ask you because I was afraid.’

‘Of me?’

You try not to sound hurt but it bleeds through anyway.

Syd’s hazel eyes gloss over.

‘Not of you. Never of you. J-Just how you would react I guess. Nothing like your ex girlfriend coming up to you after you’ve won your first piece of silverware for your country to spoil the mood.’

The midfielder lets out a strained laugh.

You frown, ‘You wouldn’t have. I wanted to approach you that day too but I didn’t know how. I thought you hated me.’

‘I could never.’

‘It felt like it.’ You softly say. She's, after all, been point blank ignoring and avoiding you ever since you resigned for Bayern Munich.

The blonde grimaces, ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘You said that I made you feel like you weren’t enough when I left for Chelsea. I’m sorry for that.’

‘You needed to leave. I get that now. Leaving Munich was the best thing for your career. Bayern might be my home but it wasn’t yours. I couldn’t see that at nineteen and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for letting my selfishness ruin us. I treated you the way I did all these years because of how guilty I felt.’

‘Sydney…you didn’t ruin us.’

‘Didn’t I?’ She hopelessly asks.

‘I played a part too. It wasn’t entirely your fault.’

The German woman looks defeated and sad. Her hazel eyes are downcast and her usually healthily pink cheeks are pale.

You sit down next to Sydney and take her hand in yours, ‘We’re not ruined. You are still here and I am still here.’

She squeezes your hand in hers, ‘A-Are you saying that you want to give us a second chance?’

‘Only if you want to.’

Your former girlfriend doesn’t need a second to consider it. Her mind is made up.

******

Sydney is pretty like the sun. You’ve always thought so.

Now that you have your sunshine back, you’re not leaving her again. She’s not letting you go again either.

German Translation:

sonnenschein- sunshine

#sydney lohmann #sydney lohmann imagine #sydney lohmann x reader #fcb frauen #gerwnt #woso #woso x reader #woso imagine #dfb frauen x reader #dfb frauen imagine #dfb frauen #woso fanfics #katelynnwrites #uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine

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chefkids · 2 months

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So what comes next?

In case you have not heard. Season 3 might be the last. This was the same source that first announced that the bear will have additional episodes and they would begin filming in February so I would say they are pretty reliable. It was also Chris' intention to just do 3 seasons, and based on the major themes I do think it makes sense.

The timeline to pay back Jimmy was 18 months. We're already 3 months in. I doubt Season 3 will cover an entire year and 3 months. So why end it at Season 3 when there is still so much that could happen and they could explore?

The Bear will shut down.

It's not unheard of for Michelin star restaurants to shut down. I could see them giving it their all and even getting a star or two, but in the end it still not being enough. Operating costs is extremely high. Gentrification was touched lightly in season 1 with the landscape of the neighborhood changing. Many Michelin restaurants are part of restaurant groups and have large financially backing plus generate income through other products like books or packaged goods.

The show has been setting up everyone to be ready to be on their own if or when the time comes.

Marcus becoming a legit pastry chef.

Tina leveling up in the kitchen as a sous.

Richie becoming a high end host and expediter.

Natalie becoming a manager and also a mom.

They have all gained skills that could get them a job anywhere else. Carmy and Sydney are the ones still stuck.

Sydney is terrified of having to start over once again, because she's scared of time running out for her. She's not even 30, most people don't get to have their own restaurants until much later in life. She wants what Carmy got and she wants to share it with him.

Carmy doesn't know what he's doing on his own. Mikey was his motivation but now that he's accepted he's gone, the only thing that seems to get him motivated is his fear of disappointing Sydney. He started cooking out of spite and has seemingly ignored all his other interests like fashion and drawing.

They need want each other. I think it will end with knowing that they will have each other even if it's not about the restaurant anymore, because really this show was never really about the restaurant but the people in it.

Syd will stop stressing about time, Carmy will find his own purpose. And maybe 10 years down the line they'll give it another try and build something completely new and he'll actually be there for her in the process. I think it will be bittersweet, but still hopeful.

Honestly this is the only way that I can see it having a concrete ending, without leaving a ton of questions in the air, while still having a optimistic door open for the future. In the end the restaurant might have not succeeded financially, but it brought everyone together and made them better.

#the bear #the bear meta #sydcarmy #sydney adamu #carmen berzatto #the bear fx #chefs kiss #the bear season 3

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donatellawritings · 3 months

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touch - r. jerimovich

pairing(s): richie jerimovich x f!reader

warning(s): none

song: nothing specific - whatever you desire

Richie absolutely feels the need to constantly maintain physical contact with you, especially if you are in the same vicinity as him, it brings him comfort, plus, it shows everyone that you're his, he'd never waste a chance to show his girl off

If the stars were to align and you both had the day off, nine times out of ten, the two of you would spend it together - whether you chose to spend it at home, or out running errands, Richie made sure to be at your side. If it were to be a day spent on the couch, Richie would be found laying on your stomach, mindlessly toying with the waistband of your shorts as you scratched at his scalp

Now, running errands easily became a challenge with a lover like Richie Jerimovich - if you bent down to grab your favorite box of cereal, there he was, either slapping your backside, or pretending to bang you from behind. And heaven forbid, if the young cashier happened to become a bit too smiley with you, you'd suddenly feel the weight of Richie's arm hanging around your shoulder as he stares down the cashier

Whether it be a drive home from work, or a drive to pick up Eva from school, maybe even a quick drive to pick up your paycheck - Richie's hand never failed to make its way to your thigh as he patted your leg along to the beat of whichever song that happened to be playing on the radio. And boy, did he love whenever you'd randomly lean over the center console to steal a quick kiss from him, even though he'd quickly become stressed out, "I'm going to fuckin' crash, if you keep doing this, sweetheart," and he'd say it with a gleeful smile

Of course, you loved having a bit of innocent fun with Richie's need for physical touch - maybe, you'd purposely brush against him as you made your way through the restaurant, or you'd allow your hand to fall high on his thigh as you leaned over him to talk to Sydney, maybe you'd even slide your hands across his stomach and nuzzle yourself into his side as he obnoxiously ranted to Neil

Now, what Richie loved the most? Showing everyone that you were his girl, and his alone. If you were at the bar, he'd have you sitting in his lap as he bounced his knee. If you were at dinner, he'd have your fingers interlocked with his across the table for the entirety of your meal - he'd even make sure to press his lips to your knuckles every now and again, sometimes he'd playfully bite down on your knuckles, for his own satisfaction.

You would think that his cravings for touch would calm down a bit, once the two of you were asleep, but you couldn't be more wrong. "Come here, baby, its cold," he'd rasp as he groggily pulled you into his chest, hooking your leg over his front as you sleepily hummed in response. And if you'd manage to roll over in your sleep, Richie would somehow find himself with his head laying on your chest with his hand cupping your breast, underneath his oversized shirt that you'd staked your claim on

Richard Lawrence Jerimovich absolutely loved taking showers with his girl. Half of the time would be spent with him rambling on and on about his frustrations at work, while you stood of your tiptoes to properly shampoo his hair, "Hold on, babe, let me fuckin'," he turned you around as he began to work the shampoo into your hair, "ah, there we go, so I fuckin' told Carmen-" and he'd continue his rant, unknowingly lulling you into a silent trance, but he didn't care, he got to play with his girl's hair while she leaned her naked body into his touch

Maybe physical touch eased his always looming cloud of anxiety? Maybe it made him feel wanted by the one he cherished the most? Richie doesn't know what it was about feeling you that could bring him back down to earth, even at his most blistering fits of rage, but it soothed him, it made him feel safe. Feeling you was a reminder to him that he has you, and god, Richie Jerimovich can never get enough of his girl

thank you so much to my first ever anonymous request who sent this in <3 this was so so so much fun and cute to write and thank you for being my first request xoxo

#the bear #richie jerimovich #richie jerimovich imagine #richie jerimovich x reader #richie jerimovich fanfic #richie jerimovich smut #the bear imagine #the bear fanfiction #the bear fic #fanfiction #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto imagine

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awarenesshealing · 8 months

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#stress counselling sydney #hypnotherapy for stress #stress management sydney #hypnotherapy for stress management #hair loss central coast #hypnotherapy for stress central coast #stress hypnotherapy #stress management hypnotherapy #hair loss treatment central coast #hypnotherapy for stress Sydney #hypnotherapy for stress Central Coast #hypnotherapy for stress Australia #Stress Hypnotherapy #Stress Hypnotherapy sydney #hypnotherapy #Stress Hypnotherapist

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fahye · 9 months

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book recs: aug-sept '23

THE BAYOU by arden powell -- queer horror novella! this is set in 1930s louisiana and like all good horror it's about horrible unburied secrets haunting you. but also gators and summer flooding and guilt and, uh, letting a hot mysterious man/fae/?other? rail you in a church. superb. no notes.

TELL ME I'M WORTHLESS by alison rumfitt -- MORE QUEER HORROR! TRANS HORROR!! this is a haunted house book but the haunting is modern british fascism and the house is made of TERFs. the writing is fantastic. it's like being trapped in a small room with someone who is screaming loudly and endlessly, but like, in a good way.

THE SECRET COUNTRY by pamela dean -- this is an oldschool portal fantasy that somehow manages to combine excellent diana wynne jones vibes with my most common stress nightmare, ie. the one where you're in the Show but you've been so busy choreographing for the Show that you've forgotten to learn your own lines. baffling. very enjoyable.

KNOCKOUT by sarah maclean -- listen. listen. this series is about a historical vigilante girl gang, and this is the romance between a lady explosives expert and the exasperated policeman she wants very much to bang (heheh. bang.) very miss fisher vibes and also, somehow, very Fuck The Police (...heheh.) I adored it.

AN ISLAND PRINCESS STARTS A SCANDAL by adriana herrera -- a very horny and fun f/f histrom about a venezuelan artist in paris and the duchess she is, again, extremely determined to bang. I love this series of adriana's, with all its glorious historical detail about the various latinx delegations to the grand paris exhibition.

THE SPIDER AND HER DEMONS by sydney khoo -- YA fantasy about a chinese-malaysian australian girl who is also, inconveniently, a spider demon. this has an aro-ace heroine and heaps of very cool and creepy body horror and made me desperate to go back to sydney and eat banh mi in cabramatta. a+.

WHITE CAT, BLACK DOG by kelly link -- so you know how kelly link is an absolute genius master of the short story form? you know how the best fairytale retellings are both chattily straightforward and bonkers weird? YEAH. my god this collection is so good.

#book recs #yes I do read an absurd amount #my purpose on this earth #is to extend your TBR #have fun darlings

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thecoachingdirectory · 5 months

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Are you one of those ambitious leaders and managers who are ready to make that change that’s been lurking within for a while now? Kirsty Norton Founder and Creator of Hustle With Ease, an executive coach can help you. She is an extremely passionate coach who loves to break all the rules, start curious conversations, and live in the moment and she never takes no for an answer. Reach out and book a FREE discovery call with her today!

#business in south wales #Executive in Tamworth #founder #kirsty norton #Leadership Coaches in Sydney #passion #purpose #stress management #wellbeing #hustle with ease #executive coach

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dias-writing-corner · 27 days

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Vampire Kylar

No minors. Get the fuck outta here if you’re under 18. Tw period sex. Kylar. Vampire Kylar

Gets turned on just by your scent

Knew you were meant to be from the moment he met you

Is constantly begging you to let him turn you so the two of you can be together forever

Will try to wait for you to come to him but he’s so impatient

Will snap when he sees you spending more time with Sydney, Robin or even Whitney

What can they do for you that he can’t mentality

Period sex. Bro would love to bury his face into your cunt as you freebleed all over the sheets

He’s such a messy eater too

Has to hold himself back from biting your thighs

If you manage to get kidnapped by him there’s no going back. He will turn you

Your first time together as vampires would create a soul bond between the two of you

Forcing you to only want him and an increase of stress and trauma if you go for any other LI

#dol kylar #dol #kylar the loner #degrees of lewdity #degrees of lewdity kylar #male kylar #kylar x reader

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silvervioletvalentine · 9 months

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🏑Everything has changed 🏑

Pairing: Sydney Crosby x Single mom Cherrie

Word count : 6.7k

Summary: falling in love can come as easily as breathing sometimes . The right person can be the one who holds the door open for you .

'And all I've seen

Since eighteen hours ago

Is green eyes and freckles and your smile

In the back of my mind making me feel like'

Sydney didn't know what was coming over him as he froze by the apartment complex door , barely blinking , barely breathing as he watched her brush past him.

Mumbling a small, shy , sorry as she cradled a small baby to her chest . Not even looking up at him as he held the door open for her , arching his arm up high on the doorframe so she could duck underneath it, not even thinking to move himself completely . Feeling like he had been stuck in a daze , as though somebody had cast a spell over him.

She glanced briefly over her shoulder at him, still stood there holding the door like a damn fool. Eyes wide and chest still, struck on her , swallowing as he dazedly watched as she flashed him the most prettiest smile he had ever seen.

"Thank you." She mumbled to him gratefully , arms full. And Sidney recognised that the baby must have been her own, the same head of hair and the biggest bambi eyes looking around over her shoulder , then straight at him too.

He didn't know what to do or what to think , barley managing to mutter a quick "it's alright." Before she was gone. And he could finally breathe.

Letting out a small groan of humiliation as he let the door close shut again, rubbing the palm of his hand over his face as he replayed each split second of their encounter in his head.

Cringing in mortification to himself at how stupid he must have looked to her then, frozen still , unable to move and practically forcing her to duck underneath his arm instead of just stepping aside for her like a normal person.

He swallowed thickly , felt the rapid beating of his heart and cursed beneath his breath. Wondering if he was coming down with something because what else could explain his strange behaviour ? If his friends could have seen him then, he would have been getting chirped on for life after that display.

So he sees a pretty girl and suddenly he can't fucking speak? He was a grown ass man for gods sake! What the hell was wrong with him? He wondered embarrassed as he quickly hurried back up to his apartment .

Shaking his head to himself because this was not how he wanted his new nigh out to meet him at all. Not only was he a sweaty mess from the gym, he had also acted like some hormonal teenager that couldn't talk to girls at all. Hell knows what she thought of him now

The rest of that night all he could think about was her, wondering what her story was. Wondering why a beautiful , young woman would be moving into an apartment on her own with a baby. Wondering if she was married, it somebody loved her . Barely believing that a woman that beautiful could be single , I mean, that smile ...

She had took more breath out of him than all the times he was getting bodied slammed in ice by a grown man , and that was not normal at all.

He placed his hand over his chest and his frown deepened , his stomach twisting as he replayed her shy smile in the back of his mind, exhaling uneasily.

Met the new girl next door. He text his friend slowly , still feeling strange in ways that he just couldn't , and wouldn't , explain to his friends.

Oh yeah? She hot? He texted back.

Sydney paused , fingers hovering over the screen of his phone before hesitantly typing

Yes.

She had dimples man. He sighed , stressed.

Oh? Where?

Sydney rolled his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips.

On her face asshole. She Has a smile like the sun.

Ah man. His friend knowingly typed back and Sydney Could just picture his smirk through the screen. You're fucked.

Completely. Sydney agreed. Sighing , hands over his eyes. Because when he woke up the next day and went about his day, eighteen hours later and her smile was still all could think about

'Cause all I know is we said, "Hello"

And your eyes look like comin' home

All I know is a simple name

And everything has changed'

Sydney finally got to officially meet the girl that he had been practically obsessing mentally about that very next weekend.

When he was once again getting home late from a game , she was there by her front door. The little baby balancing on her hip, crying a little as she struggled to get the keys into the lock properly . Clearing tired ands stressed out as she sushed her baby softly , rocking side to side in attempt to soothe him.

Sydney took a deep breath To gather his confidence as he felt his stomach twist again, cautiously approaching them before his mind could convince him that it was a bad idea.

He cleared his throat , then winced A little as he watched her nearly jump out of her skin at the sight of him suddenly appearing beside her.

"Sorry! Sorry!" He hurriedly apologised , cheeks flushing with colour as he offered her a smile that he hoped showed that he wasn't a threat.

"I'm Sydney." He then blurted out before he could just continue to awkwardly stare at her and freak her out some more.

Seeing the way that she was looking at him, brows furrowed and shoulders tense, gripping her baby tighter in her arms. He winced again "your neighbour. I held the door open for you last week." He felt the need to explain some more, feeling the heat spread from his cheeks to his ears now.

And he felt so fucking thankful that he hadn't offered to host hus friends for beers at his place because If they are to witness the way he was behaving now, they would never let him hear the end of it.

It was humiliating and Sydney didn't understand why he was behaving like this at all.

Her face softened a little then as she saw just how nervous him scaring her had made him, letting out a small giggle as she offered him another one of her smiles.

Sydney felt goosebumps break out across his skin.

"I remember you." She said quietly , relaxing now that she realised just who had crept up on her.

She looked at him sweatpants and hoodie, his wet hair and frowned a little "is it raining out? I was just out and it wasn't.." she wondered out loud. Mother instincts kicking in at the thought of him wandering around in the cold with his wet hair freely.

Sydney chuckled a little, rubbing his fingers through his hair. "Nah. I had a shower after the game." He said . Then he saw her confused look and his eyes widened in disbelief .

"What game?" She asked him curiously , wondering if he was some type of rugby player. He was buff enough to be one but his face was far too pretty.

Sydney looked at her in shock, blinking in astonishment because this was a first. He felt a little dizzy.

"You don't know who I am?" He blurted out. Then cringed at how entitled that sounded.

Fuck me. He mentally complained. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I being so...uncool? He wondered to himself in embarrassment.

Thankfully she just let out a small Confused laugh and shook her head a little . Rocking her gurgling baby a little more in her arms as he wiggled about restlessly .

"No? I don't know you do I?" She winced at the thought while eyeing him up and down, scanning her memory for his face and coming up blank . Hoping to god that he wasn't some ex hookup from her wild college days or something.

She was a wild child before life had crashed down on her ass and forced her to grow up and face the consequences of drinking every night to the point where she apparently thought that she was allergic to rubber. But alas. That was the past and this was now.

And she had a ridiculously handsome man as her new neighbour , smiling down at her like she was his Christmas gift come early.

"You do not." He breathed out , grinning now.

Eyes flickering down to the baby in her arms, his little head now facing him as he blinked his big eyes up at him curiously . Syd he his face soften at how adorable he was.

"And who's this little man playing where's Waldo?" He teased , motioning towards his red and white striped jumpsuit and hat. He looked cute as hell, there was no denying it. That baby had hit the genetic genes with her as his mother .

She rolled her eyes at him playfully , stroking the top of her baby's head affectionately. "This is benny. And those are his pyjamas since it is nearly midnight." She pointedly told him, smiling up at him. In awe by just how attractive he was.

Sydney smiled , reaching out to gently tap bennys little nose. Chuckling when he giggled , all high pitched and cute.

He awed softly . Enamoured by the both of them then.

"And do I get to know mammas name too?" He wondered a little nervously . Glancing over at her again, giving her a hopeful smile, heart pounding in his chest as he crossed his fingers behind his back.

She looked at him for a look moment . Taking in his flushed cheeks and nervous smile. The way he wouldn't stop fidgeting on his feet , shoving his hands into the pocket of his sweatpants .

The longer she took to answer him, clearly expecting her not to, the more anxious he visibly got, Having already decided in his head that she was way out of league anyways .

She felt the familiar butterflies ravish across her chest and down to her stomach , fighting back a defeated sigh.

It'll happen when you least expect it. Her grandmother used to always tell her when she asked her about falling in love.

You probably won't even want it and then bam! Some stupid man will walk casually into your life and wreck all your plans . And you'll just know .

It'll be easy. and it will be sweet. Don't trust any of that 'love hurts nonsense honey.' She used to tell her fondly , like the wise woman she was. 'Love isn't like that That at all. Love is supposed to feel like coming home . Like everything has changed."

So she took a deep breath and told him gently "it's cherrie. It's Nice to meet you Sydney." Reaching out her free hand for him to shake, giving him this one chance.

And he took it.

He wrapped his fingers around her own and felt his skin burning , gently shaking her hand with his. Lingering there for a moment longer than he should as he looked into her pretty eyes, sighing a little As he did so.

"It's nice to meet you too Cherrie." He told her , having never said a more honest thing in his life.

And as Cherrie watched Sydney turn away from her to carefully take bennys tiny hand in his own, shaking it gently with a smile on his face. She just knew that her grandmother was smirking down at her knowingly , a 'I told you so' look on her beautiful face.

"And it's nice to meet you too little man." Sydney muttered , gently nudging his chubby cheeks before straightening up again. Giving Cherrie another glance "hopefully we'll get to bump into each other more often?" He hoped. Eyes glistening like daylight .

Cherrie just smiled and Sydney knew then that everything had changed.

'All I know is you held the door

You'll be mine and I'll be yours

All I know since yesterday

Is everything has changed'

It turned out that Sydney did a lot more than bumping into them after that night . Almost like he planned it. (He did).

The very next morning he was up at the crack ass Of dawn , excited and pumped , having his confused assistant get him a load of baby merchandise from their team catalogue . Ignoring her startled look and worried questions of 'did you get someone pregnant and not tell us Sydney?!'.

Instead he was grinning widely when she opened up the door, yawning cutely and looking behind confused As he silently held up a tiny Crosby jersey for her to see. Excitement written across his face.

Hyped up on coffee and hope and nerves, his confidence was at a all time high . and he hadn't Given himself a second to overthink a single thing before he was at her front door . Not even thinking , just doing what felt right.

"Look how cute this is." He stated proudly , grinning as he looked down at his name on the jersey . Turning it around for her to see.

With messy hair, just a oversized tshirt dried with baby food on. Face puffy from sleep , she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen as he watched her yawn again. Squinting at the jersey in his hand in tired confusion.

Blinking slowly , she sniffled . Barely there.

"Crosby? Who's that?" She mumbled out tiredly , rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Stepping away from the door to head back over to the high chair where little benny was sat, impatiently waiting to be fed.

Sydney didn't hesitate to wander in straight after her , an arm full of baby clothes coming with him . All penguins and Crosby. Giddy with this new feeling inside of him, refusing to even question it.

"My name." He simply answered her. Grinning down at Benny who started clapping his hands and holding his breath in excitement , squirming in his chair as soon as he caught sight of him.

Sydney laughed "breathe little man!" He said in amusement as he took a seat at the table beside his high chair . Not even thinking to ask, completely missing the incredulous look on cherries face as she watched him settle right in like he had always been there.

"I know I'm amazing but come on.." he chuckled , gently stroking the curls on top of his little head. Shaking his head fondly at him, heart feeling soft .

"He's gonna be the coolest little dude wearing this." He then turned to face Cherrie again , nodding towards the clothes proudly .

Still confused and shocked and tired , she scratched at her forehead warily . Blinking at him slowly as she tried to catch up "football?" She muttered. Carefully lifting one of the tiny jerseys up to look at it , not a sports fan at all.

She could name messi and neymar and that was about it. She had a baby to take care of after all, no time for sport games.

Sports had never interested her. Maybe some of the players in college when she was in her hoe era but that was about as far as her knowledge went . How to blow a football player underneath the bleachers in less than five minutes . That she knew.

Sydney Crosby? She did not. Alright, she bit her lip gently as she looked at him, sat at her table in Nike shorts and a tight tshirt , looking like he belonged in the front page of GQ. She wouldn't mind being a hoe for him at all.

Teenage Cherrie could be foaming at the mouth. Adult Cherrie was just wondering why such a hot man was sat at her table , bringing her baby clothes and smiling up at her like she was something special.

"Hockey." He corrected her in amusement . Picking up the tiny bottle of baby food and the little spoon, he gathered some of the mushed food onto it.

Before pausing just before he could feed benny, cheeks flushing As he glanced back over at her. "I can feed him? Sorry...I didn't ask." He muttered embarrassed that he had gotten caught up in it all.

She didn't know him after all . But he wanted her to. and he wanted to know her, he wanted to know everything.

Cherrie just smiled , heart softening as she looked at him nervously fidget in his seat. His eyes wide and apologetic as he looked up at her.

She knew what was happening and god was she scared. She's had been burned before after all. A single mother in her early twenties told everyone all about that, but she was trying not to let one guys cruelness affect another, Especially not one as handsome and kind as Sydney seemed to be.

So fighting off the instinct to push him away and physically recoil from men entirely , she gave him a smile and relaxed .

"Sure. As long as you don't mind getting pudding all over you." She simply said .

Sydney just chuckled as he carefully fed benny a spoonful, grinning in Awe as he watched the little baby hum and wiggle in his seat As he practically tried to chomp the plastic spoon out of his hand.

"I don't mind." He muttered continuing to happily feed him. Then he remembered what he had promised himself to do and took a deep breath.

I can do this. He encouraged himself firmly. I'll regret it forever if I don't at least try. He then tried to reason with himself but the words failed to come out.

"Cherrie?" He finally called over to her. Watching as she poured herself a cup of coffee , leaning against the counter to face him when he said her name .

"Yeah?" She hummed. Curious .

He hesitated , then finally exhaled "you prefer going out for dinner or staying in?" He asked her as casually as he could manage to while feeling like he was going to have heart failure .

She frowned slightly in confusion. Tilting her head a little at him as she answered "staying in. Baby's and restaurants just don't end well."

Sydney nodded his head , giving her a grin. "Pizza?" He asked her. Wiping bennys mouth with his bib gently once he was done feeding him.

Cherrie paused, cup raised to her lips as she looked at him hesitantly . Wondering if he was really suggesting what she thought he was.

"Sydney..." she sighed. Nervously fidgeting with her cup as she watched his smile drop when she didn't say yes. But she felt the need to warn him. "I'm a mother." As though he didn't already know that.

Sydney frowned back at her , confused. "And I'm a hockey player?" He replied back blinking "what's that got to do with pizza?"

She gave him a look "you know what I mean." She said a little annoyed . Used to guys running for the hills as soon as they Realised that benny was in fact hers. "You won't just be having pizza with me. You'll be having pizza with benny too." She told him matter of factly. Expecting him to take it back and agree with her.

But Sydney had laughed and shrugged his shoulders with a grin. "Sounds good. Do they even do baby pizza?" He wondered out loud casually . As though his heart wasn't threatening to leave his rib cage then.

Cherrie just shook her head with a small smile tugging at her lips. Giving in With a defeated little huff because what else could she do?

"There is not."

He nodded again , pulling up the Crosby jersey again. "He's gotta wear this gem for pizza night." He stated. Grinning at her boyishly .

Cherrie just sighed because her grandma was right.

She did know.

'And all my walls

Stood tall painted blue

But I'll take 'em down, take 'em down

And open up the door for you'

But it wasn't always easy and Sydney had never expected it to be all sunshine and rainbows because that wasn't how real life was .

He had come to learn that She was as beautiful as she was stubborn but by then Sydney had learned to just roll with it. Because he knew that she needed a solid presence there for her when she got all knitted up like this, knew that he needed to stay calm and factual with her.

She was used to silly , stupid boys that were easy to push away. Insecure men that didn't know how to handle a woman like her, but Sydney was determined to prove to her that he was nothing like them at all.

And he thought that he had been doing a pretty great job at it so far.

He had made sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be around her, everything really had changed for him . And so quickly it had become that Sydney could barely bare to be away from her or benny for very long at all .

They were quickly becoming his whole world and Sydney wasn't going to let anybody ruin that.

So when they were out on a rare night out together at some bar her friends had been bugging her to go to, benny at his grandmas for the night.

Sydney Could only watch in confusion as Cherrie suddenly went tense beside him and then pulled her body away from him, making his arm fall down to his side from where it had been placed comfortably around her shoulders for most of the night.

Holding her purse in his other hand, he frowned warily to himself as he watched her straighten up with a odd look on her pretty face just as a woman walked over to them.

There was a moment where the woman just looked Cherrie up and down, eyes widening before she let out a loud laugh.

"Oh my god!" She gasped , grinning at her like they were best friends . "is that really you Cherrie? You've changed so much.." the way she said it didn't sound so nice either.

Sydney tensed up , his frown deepening as he silently stood to the side and just watched. Not wanting to step in , knowing by now that she hated being coddled and that she got embarrassed whenever he stepped in before .

So this time, he just stayed silent because she had pulled away from him. and it stung . But he knew her boundaries and knew what her body language meant by now.

"Yeah." Cherrie muttered, clutching onto her drink in her hands tightly . Swallowing drily when she noticed Maxine eye the drink in her hand with a smirk on her face.

"Still a party girl then? The baby not take you away from your wildness huh?" She laughed , clearly judging her.

And Sydney kind of wanted to grab that drink and throw it in her bitch face but unfortunately that would be assault .

Cherrie didn't answer so Maxine took it upon herself to continue on despite the uncomfortable look on cherries face , Sydney tried to gently place his hands on cherries waist in support so that she knew he was there, but she shrugged him off, not even looking at him.

He inhaled silently then , telling himself not to take it personal. She was clearly upset , she would tell him why she was acting like this when she was ready.

Hopefully.

"I can't believe you actually went through with it! All the girls were placing bets on which footballers baby it was! Was it Harrison's? You two were always fucking around between classes.." she smirked at her meanly .

Cherrie swallowed , skin prickling as Maxine brought up all of her past shame right in front of Sydney who knew nothing about it. Because she didn't want him to know what a wildcard she had Been before benny came and settled her down.

She had been the definition of a whore and she knew it. She had been easy , she had been the party girl.

The girl that everybody wanted to get with and most of them she let hit it too, because she was lonely and desperate for attention back then. Mix in alcohol and daddy issues and she was your average college girl who was trying to find love in all the wrong places.

But she was better now. She was grown up and she didn't just sleep with anybody anymore. She hasn't been with anybody since bennys dad , and Sydney had been the only man that she had been with since then.

But she didn't want him to know about it because she was scared. What if he thought differently of her after finding out what a party girl she had been? Her body count was way more than his, there was no doubt about it.

Would he think that she was easy and that he didn't want a girl that had been around the block a dozen times?

What if he didn't want her anymore?

The thought of losing him because of what an idiot she had been when she was younger made her want to dump him before he could dump her.

She didn't want Sydney to have the power to break her heart, her heart and thoughts were going rapid with panic and fear. Irrationality mixed with hard liquor not Helping her at all. It was like all common sense had went out the window and she froze up .

"No. No. I-he-" she stammered , blinking back the stinging in her eyes. Feeling like her throat was closing as she looked at maxines mean smirk , knowing exactly what she was doing.

And Cherrie hated that she knew exactly why Maxine was doing this. Because Cherrie had been a horrible person as a teenager , boy crazy and the queen B. She had went a little power crazy and let the popularity ruin her for a while .

And cherrie couldn't even get angry at Maxine for acting this way because mostly she felt ashamed that the past was always going to follow her everywhere.

Because Maxine hated her simply because her boyfriend had dumped her for Cherrie when they were eighteen , because every boy in their class had wanted her then. And Cherrie hadn't cared at all about how the girl felt, too busy sucking faces in front of her with her boyfriend , without a single care in the world.

She had been a bitch. There was no denying it.

But it was different now. Everything has changed and now the only man she wanted was stood beside her, hearing what a whore she had been before benny. And it scared her and she hated it.

"Actually he's mine." Sydney butted in blandly , hearing enough.

Seeing the way that Cherrie had frozen up and seeing the tears cloud her pretty eyes had Him stepping up, taking her hand in his own no matter how hard she tried to tug it away.

He held on stronger . He wasn't going anywhere . And neither was she. They were a team now, they could face the world together.

He wasn't going to let her be spoken To like this. She didn't deserve it. And he wasn't going to let it happen.

The past was the past and in his opinion it should stay there. Not go be brought up in some club years later when everything had changed.

"And we were busy so.." he gave her a clearly fake smile. Steering Cherrie away, not giving the frowning Maxine another glance.

Instead he turned to face Cherrie, sighing when she pushed him away and stomped out of the bar like her ass was on fire , Sydney hot in her heels. Not letting Her get very far at all.

"Fuck off Sydney." She snapped. Overwhelmed , drunk and upset . Convinced that he wasn't going to love her now.

Sydney shook his head in frustration , not understanding why she was acting like this now.

Just wanting to make her feel better .

"No." He ground out firmly "you're going to tell me what's going on! Why are you snapping at me? I didn't do anything!" He stated annoyed .

She just scoffed , spinning around to glare tearfully at him. "No. But you're going to! Now you know what a fucking slut I was! You can't tell me that you're happy with me now!" She pushed at him roughly , sniffling . Beyond upset.

He scoffed at her. Rolling his eyes. "no I'm not happy . You're right." Seeing her face crumble, clearly not catching his sarcasm , he sighed loudly .

"I'm not happy because you're not Cherrie! I don't care what you were like in fucking college. You think that I think that you got benny by being some saint?" He sarcastically responded . Gently grabbing her wrist to pull her closer , not letting her storm off.

They were going to work this out, Right here and right now.

She looked up at him, blinking away the tears . sniffling emotionally .

"you don't care?" She couldn't believe it. She would care. She was a mess.

Sydeny just laughed at her in disbelief. Eyes scanning her beautiful face as though she was joking , shaking his head at her fondly .

"are you kidding me?" He squished her face between his hands , puckering up her lips for him , quickly leaning down to steal a quick but firm kiss, laughing at the startled squeak she let out as he did so.

"the only thing I care about is you now. And let me ask you- are you the same girl that you were back then?" He asked her seriously. Already knowing the answer.

She frowned at him , looking at him all upset and pouty . "No. I'm Not." She mumbled grumpily . Leaning onto his chest as his arms came up to rest around her back, biting back a grin at her poutiness. The same pout that benny wore whenever he wasn't allowed anymore ice cream.

He rose a brow at her smugly , "exactly. And that's all I care about. You want to fuck anyone but me?" He then casually asked her already knowing the answer to that question too . Confident in her and him and who they were together .

He trusted her and he knew that she trusted him too. It was all going to be just fine.

She paused, then blushed, then shook her head a little bashfully .

"No. You know I don't. I just want you Syd ." She whispered. It was a promise.

He leaned down and gently nudged their noses together , feeling happy when she finally let out a soft giggle. Leaning into him fully , letting him comfort her.

Wrapping his arms around her fondly , he gave her a strong squeeze. So filled with love for her that it hurt . He wanted to kill anybody that even bought a tear to her ear. That woman, her shitty ex boyfriend and that pizza shop that had put pineapple on her pizza despite her asking them not to.

That was love. Hope. Protectiveness and happiness he knew what he wanted in life and his future was standing right in front of him, puckering her lips up for another kiss.

He kissed her again ".And I want you. It's as simple As that. I didn't know you then but I know you now alright?" He told her clearly , making her understand how serious he was about this, about her .

"And I love you for who you are. All the good and all the bad. You can call yourself a problem but you're my problem now alright? Are we clear?" He muttered down to her seriously , tilting your her chin between his fingers so he could meet her eyes. Keeping her gaze on him.

Smiling to himself contently when she quickly nodded her head, cheeks flushed as she squirmed at his demanding tone and held him closer. Trusting him completely .

"Crystal." She agreed without any hesitation . The weight being lifted of her shoulder .

"Can we go home?" She then asked him softly. Just wanting to be with him .

Sydeny smiled down at her and kissed the top her head a dozen times, Heart feeling full because he finally had her walls crashing down for him. Getting the whole story instead of just the pages in her messy book.

And he still loved her. Nothing was going to change that.

Everything had changed for the better . His sun was never going down. His daylight was never fading .

'And all I feel

In my stomach is butterflies

The beautiful kind, makin' up for lost time

Takin' flight, makin' me feel like'

"So it's serious then?" His friend inhaled sharply in disbelief . The two men stood side by side in a corner of a fancy room as they stared down at a glass case of fancy diamond rings .

Sydeny chuckling a little as he carefully picked up a emerald cut ring , titling it to the light As he envisioned it on her slim finger .

"What gave you that clue?" He joked. More than Amused by his reaction.

His friend just shot him a look, still in shock. "I just can't Believe it man! I mean- shit-marriage is a big deal! What if in a few years you hate her? Then what?!" He rambled , worried.

Sydney couldn't have laughed any harder if he tried.

"Trust me man, I couldn't hate her ever. She could run me over with my own car and I'd still tell her it wasn't her fault. She's the one." He simply responded . Believing it with everything in him.

"I can't believe it." His friend repeated , sighing loudly . Shaking his head in disbelief .

"You. Married. Plus that means you'll be bennys step dad too. That's serious." He said. As though he didn't already know, like he hasn't planned it all through .

From day one, he knew what he wanted as soon as he saw her smile at him while he held the door open for her. And he hadn't even knew her name then, but he knew.

Sydney just rolled his eyes "that's the whole point. This is as serious as I am about her and benny. I love that little man and he loves me. He's the next Crosby. Hopefully the next baby will be as perfect as he is." He stated without thinking , still looking at the rings. Not paying any kind to the prices.

His friend place a hand on his chest , exhaling heavily. "Man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Plus she's so out of your league! How did you even bag her?" He laughed at him in disbelief.

He had met Cherrie on several occasions and he couldn't believe that she was his girlfriend .

She looked like a supermodel but she was the sweetest and funniest woman that he had ever met. and watching her tiny ass put Sydney in his place was hilarious , and watching sydeny run about after her and moon over her whenever they were on the road was just as insane to him too.

His mr hockey had become mr hockey and Cherrie and benny now. It was strange to witness but he was happy for Sydney because he had never seen his friend so fucking happy before .

"Food and wine." Sydeny muttered , face lightening up as he held up the perfect ring. The butterflies swarming in his stomach , making up for lost time.

And Sydney knew that it was going to be forever because it had always felt like he had known her forever . His love for her was as easy as breathing. All he wanted to do was make her happy , because seeing her smile because of him made him just as happy too.

It really was that simple. and well, happy wife happy life right?

Now he just needed to make her his wife now. So he could annoy her with that catchy phrase.

He couldn't wait.

'All I know is a new found grace

All my days, I'll know your face

All I know since yesterday

Is everything has changed'

Cherrie was sat in the sand digging up sand castles , listening to benny giggle and whisper with Sydney with a smile on her face. Lifting up her head from the sand, she grinned over at them playfully .

Heart feeling full as she watched them, seeing benny in his Sydney shirt , matching with Sydney right down to his swimming trunks .

"What are you two gossiping about?" She called over to them in amusement.

Sydney gave benny a look and the nearly three year old started stumbling over to her , a large shell in his hand. and she sat up, thinking that her son was about to show her his findings from the beach hunting that He and Sydney had been on. Collecting shells for them to paint once they got home.

"Just about how good you look right now. You've got that sun kissed glow." Sydney told her as he slowly walked over , ruffling bennys messy hair . The toddler giggling and beaming up at him as he did so.

He winked at him , gently kneeling down on one knee beside him. Wrapping a arm loosely around his waist so he didn't topple down in the sand, keeping him upright.

Cherrie Thought nothing about his position , just him supporting benny. She reached over to give him a soft kiss , giggling a little as she pulled away.

"I think you're lying." She whispered

Playfully , looking down at benny with a smile.

"what did silly Syd really say?" She tickled his small stomach making him shriek with laughter

Sydney quickly took the shell from his hand before he could drop it , and while she was distracted , he turned it over on the palm of his hand.

Benny now sitting beside him crossed legged while he stayed there in front of her on one knee.

"Syddy wants to marry mommy!" He giggled out, pointing at him with a toothless grin on his little face.

Laughing along with him, she turned her head to see what he was pointing at and froze up. Eyes going wide as she looked at Sydney, on one knee, holding out a shell in the palm of his hand, tears in his eyes too as he smiled at her softly , patiently.

"What'd ya say babe? Want to marry me?" His voice shook as he held out his hand for her to see inside the shell.

She looked down into it and saw a beautiful diamond ring .

She inhaled sharply and looked up at him in shock, mouth dropping open. "Holy shit!" She exclaimed. Laughing loudly , hand cupping her mouth as she looked between the ring and him over and over again.

Sydney laughed too , fondly . Shaking his head at her with a amused grin "so it that a yes? Because I really love you and I really , really want to be your husband. If you'll let me.." he told her softly. Meaning each word .

Cherrie was speechless . Then benny giggled and nudged het impatiently "let him. He's gonna get me

ice cream." He told her like that was all that mattered. To him it did.

Cherrie bust into tears and threw her arms around Sydney's neck , Sydney laughing loudly as he clutched onto her just as hard .

His own tears falling down his face as he lifted her hand and slid the ring in her finger before they could lose it in the sand. The sight of his ring on her finger made them cry harder.

"I love you so much! Of course I'll marry you syd! Holy shit!" She giggled into his neck , sniffling . Overwhelmed with love for him. Because everything had changed , for the better this time.

Sydney caught bennys confused and worried look over her shoulder, the toddler making grabby hands at him . Tears filling his eyes just because they were crying too.

"Awe." He laughed emotionally while pulling benny into the cuddle too, squeezing him to him and kissing the top of his little head.

"You happy bud?" He echoed . Kissing cherries head too while she cried into his chest making him laugh.

Benny nodded his head , hugging him around his neck . "Ice cream?" He mumbled hopefully. Oblivious.

Sydney snorted "ice cream. After mommy's done crying." He told him in amusement , patting the love of his life's back as she continued to sob tears of happiness into his chest.

Take that Maxine. She thought gleefully. Who's laughing now?

Everything had changed.

#Sydney Crosby imagine #Sydney Crosby oneshot #nhl imagine #nhl oneshot #ice hockey oneshot #ice hockey imagine #hockey imagine #hockey oneshot #nhl fic

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a-dam-leo-valdez-lover · 3 months

Text

Anyone But You

Leo Valdez x Reader

6k words

TW: implied sexual content

When you’re trapped on a magical flying boat with 7 other people, there’s somethings that you definitely don’t want to happen, like getting caught after making out with your best friend who you may or may not be in love with, you also don’t want them to overhear you to say it meant nothing. AKA I watched Anyone but you this weekend because I’m in love with Sydney Sweeney and all I could think about is the amount of drama that would’ve happened if this was a teen flick. Like no adults (or Annabeth) to think things through, the drama would be unmatched. Soooo yeah and I know this doesn’t fully fit into the actual plot of the books and it doesn’t really follow the plot of the movie either but canon be damned. I’m gonna just make things up sorry.

Y/N’s POV:

They were friends, that was it. Sure Leo Valdez was cute, and yeah maybe he had this way of smiling at you that made it impossible not to blush, and of course his jokes were hilarious, despite you being the only one laughing most of the time, but it didn’t mean anything. At least not at first, but on a boat filled with couples, by default you spent most of your time with Leo, at first you were sort of forced into it, but eventually you sought him out when you were bored. His non stop talking was sure to fill the silence that you found suffocating. Eventually you two became joint at the hip, everyone could see it, but it's not like you two were ever truly alone with one another, especially after Percy and Annabeth’s little “falling asleep talking the the stables” incident when you first set sail. Coach Hedge spent more time patrolling for indecent activity between the crew than he did for monsters. Still, your moments with Leo managed to keep you up at night, you woke up with a smile on your face every time. That was of course until everything went wrong.

Percy and Annabeth were gone, lost in the depths of Tartarus and as you rushed to try and save them, there was a constant cloud of doubt and stress covering the ship. The only saving grace was the departure of Coach Hedge, Nico, and Reyna as the set off across the world to deliver the Athena Parthenos to Camp Half-Blood. Not that you disliked having the later two around, it just made it simpler to not have so many people on a small ship, and as for Coach Hedge, it didn’t take long for the couples to start spending a night together with no fear of an angry satyr with a baseball bat intruding. Slowly but surely everybody seemed to be bunking with someone else at night, not just the couples, you often found yourself sleeping over with Hazel and Piper or falling asleep on Frank or Leo’s floor while hanging out. The only persons room you didn’t find you self in was Jason’s and that’s because the boy was always up at 4 am no matter what time he went to sleep, and you weren’t crazy enough to be awake at such an ungodly hour.It was obvious though, that nobody wanted to be alone, especially now the the crew’s size had shrunk significantly. That’s how you found yourself in Leo’s room late one afternoon, nobody besides Jason could stand being on the ships deck for too long do to the storm brewing meaning you needed a way to occupy your time. Everyone seemed a bit on edge that day, but you figured Leo could make you laugh and probably would be alone working on some project anyways. You were right, slowly as the day moved on, talking turned into something more, at least that’s what the cluster of hickeys that painted your neck implied. You hadn’t thought too much about it when you were in the heat of the moment, but now, laying in Leo’s arms as the sun began to rise, you were panicking. Before you could even think about what you were doings, you had already gathered your belongings, doing your best to make yourself presentable before sneaking out and back to your own bunk.

You thought you had gotten away with it too, styling your hair in a braid an throwing on a oversize sweatshirt, you didn’t think anyone would notice, but over course Piper did. The very first thing she did when you emerged from your room was call you out.

“Looks like someone had a fun night”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about Pipes,” You tried your best to sound oblivious but it wasn’t working.

‘‘Right, so you didn’t spend the night in Leo’s room and come out covered in. Hi-“ She was cut off by you shoving your hand over her mouth just as Frank turned the corner to head into his room.

“Do I even want to know,” He laughed as he looked at you both.

“No, bye Frank” You said way too quickly to not be suspicious before dragging Piper into her room and closing the door behind you.

“Spill” She commanded.

It left you wondering for a moment if she had used her charmspeak on you because it was like you couldn’t get the words out fast enough, desperate to tell someone about how you felt. It was more than just something physical, Leo was your best friend, your confidant, last night almost seemed to be too good to be true, with you talking for hours about everything under the sun. You told Piper about how you felt after, about how you snuck out first thing in the morning, panicked about what to do and what to say, about how all you could think about the entire time the two of you had been in her room talking, is what you were going to say when you saw Leo on deck later.

“So what you’re telling me is that instead of telling Leo you’re in love with him you snuck out and didn’t say anything. You just left him alone in his bed.”

“I never said I was in love with Leo, I just-“

She cut you off, “No Y/N you didn’t say it, but it's pretty damn obvious. So?”

“So what?”

“Are you going to tell him?” She asked

“I can’t do that! What if he doesn’t feel the same, what if it-“

“Y/n I swear if you don’t get your ass over to his room right now and tell him I’m going to do it myself”

“Is that an option? Because I’m totally okay with that”

“Y/n GO”

So you went, and as you approached Leo’s door you saw it was cracked open and could hear 2 voices coming from inside, Hazel’s and Leo’s.

Leo’s POV

Last night changed everything, for the first time in his life, Leo wasn’t the odd man out. For the first time in his life, Leo felt like things were going right, the girl he’d been in love with for weeks was in his bed, in his arms, and yet the most exciting part by far was the way she smiled, the way she blushed whenever he made a joke, Y/N was perfect. Everything was perfect, until he woke up and she was gone. At first he sat there wondering what he did wrong, maybe he should go find her, or maybe give her space. It wasn’t like there was a manual out there for what to do after hooking up with your best friend who you’re secretly in love with and she snuck out on you. So instead he found the next best thing, after a quick iris message Hazel was in his room in no time at all. So Leo told her everything, well not everything, she was still pretty naive in a lot of ways, and he was pretty sure some of the 21st century occurrences would’ve given the girl an aneurysm. But Hazel listen to every word of the slightly abridged version of events and came to the simplest conclusion.

“So you’re in love with Y/n” She stated quite directly.

“In LOVE with Y/N? No not at all” He didn’t even know why he said it.

“Okay but you talked all night and kissed and said everything is different? How can you say you’re not in love” She asked, she seemed genuinely confused, but so did Leo to be fair.

“Look all of this is new to me, and I don’t really do the whole love and relationships thing” He tried to say it in a way that seemed cool like some sort of playboy, it wasn’t working.

“Okay but you like her right”

He thought about it for a minute before answering, the thought of being in love was enough to make his stomach churn with anxiety, romance was uncharted territory. There were too many feelings, too many moving peices that were out of his control. Sure Y/n was basically his entire world, some days he could’ve sworn he woke up just to see her, but at the same time she left so quickly without even saying goodbye, what if he was overthinking what happened last night. So he let his insecurities take over, and his hurt fueled the words the came out of his mouth.

“Honestly Hazel, I think I was just bored, I mean Y/N was there. Besides I don’t do love, Y/ns great and all but, its never going to happen between us”

“Are you sure about that” Hazel was shocked

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life” And for a brief moment Leo could’ve sworn he heard footsteps in the hall outside his room .

“I don’t know Leo, maybe she just left because she was nervous”

“Nervous? Nervous about what? I was nervous too, but I didn’t leave, I stayed.”

“Why did you stay though?”

“Because,” He hesitated, “ Because I thought maybe we could be together, that she loved me too”

“Then maybe you need to tell her that, she deserves to know”

Y/N’s POV

“Honestly Hazel, I think I was just bored, I mean Y/N was there. Besides I don’t do love, Y/ns great and all but, its never going to happen between us” Leo’s words hit Y/N like a punch to the gut. Maybe he didn’t mean it. Hazel seemed to be thinking the same thing.

“Are you sure about that” Hazel said almost too quietly to hear despite the open door.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life”

That was all it took for y/n to run away, trying your best to be silent knowing you were probably failing. You did your best to hold it together, with each step closer to your room however the tears seemed to flow harder. How could you have been so stupid. Y/N thought that maybe Leo felt the same, even Piper had agreed, if they were both wrong, Y/N must be damn near delusional. It was moments like these where Y/N missed Annabeth more than ever, she would’ve been straight to the point doing some analysis of the situation and determining the best way for Y/N to move on. Hell it was moments like this where Y/N wished Coached Hedge was running around with a baseball bat and could’ve prevented this from ever happening in the first place.

You made it to your room slamming the door behind you, the impact shook the room, causing a picture frame that had been hung on the wall to fall the the ground shattering in a hundred tiny pieces. You couldn’t even be bothered to clean it up instead you sat down on the floor and cried. Y/n’s body shook with sobs and realized why they called it heartbreak. Just like the picture frame on the ground he heart felt like a piece of glass that had been broken beyond repair.

Y/n didn’t know how long she had been sitting there, maybe 10 minutes or ten hours but you did know you had no tears left to cry. Your lips were dry, your eyes were lined with red, and your head was aching. You had enough medical training from your time living in cabin 7 to know you should probably get some water and try to eat something, but you just didn’t have the energy so you kept sitting there. It felt like eternity later when there was a knock on the door. Y/N wasn’t sure if she said come in or if Frank out of worry took it upon himself to open the door unprompted, but there he was looking at the sniffling mess of a girl sitting on the floor surrounded by broken glass. He had a plate of food in his hand, vegetarian enchiladas, it was Leo’s night to make dinner. Without a word, Frank set down the plate and started cleaning up the glass. When he finished that he looked at Y/N who still hadn’t said a word to him, he wasn’t sure exactly what to do or why she was upset but he knew that this was going to be someone else’s problem so he got Piper.

When Piper got to Y/N’s room a few minutes later not much had changed. Y/N still sat on her floor but unlike Frank, Piper knew what the look on y/n’s face meant and what had caused her tears.

“Don’t tell me he turned you down” She said softly wrapping y/n in a hug as she sat on the ground next to you.

“I didn’t give him that chance to say it to my face not after what he told Hazel”

“What do you mean? What did he say to Hazel?” She questioned

“He said it was never going to happen between us, he said he was sure about it.”

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I shouldn't have told you to go over there. He’s such a jerk. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Just don’t tell anyone, please” You said softly. It was bad enough you looked like an idiot, it would be worse if everyone knew Leo Valdez had rejected you after everything that had happened. “Promise me.”

Maybe it was just the overwhelming emotions you were feeling, but you didn’t even notice that Piper never responded.

1 Week Later

Everyone was on edge, petty fights and disagreements became blowouts far too often, and more than ever it felt like the 6 of you left on the ship would rip each other's throats out if given the chance. Y/N and Leo weren’t immune, it was probably worse for you two since he couldn’t take the hint you wanted nothing to do with him. You’d been trying your best to avoid him whenever possible but he continued to seek your attention, as if he had any right to talk to you after everything. While Leo didn’t seem to take the hint, everybody else seemed to pick up on what was happening. Piper had talked to Jason about what happened, after all it only seemed fair he knew since the 4 of you had gone on your first quest together and he was the only one who didn’t know the story but she had sworn him to secrecy. What Y/N didn’t know however, was that everyone but her seemed to be talking about her relationship issues.

Frank thought he had put two and two together after seeing y/n crying and seeing Leo act like more of a love struck idiot than normal, but what he didn’t understand is why Y/N would be upset that Leo liked her. Sure Leo was basically the most annoying person to ever exist second only to Octavian, maybe, but Y/n very clearly liked him so it didn’t make sense. At least not until he talked to Hazel and Piper one afternoon as they made a pit stop in a small town to get some groceries.

“Maybe I’m just dumb, but why is Y/N avoiding Leo? I thought she liked him and he clearly likes her back” Frank asked.

“Look they’re both my friends and I’m not taking sides here, but just because he had a sudden change of heart doesn’t mean she automatically has to forgive him,” for someone who wasn’t picking sides, Piper was being pretty clear how she felt.

“Forgive him for what?” Hazel looked lost

“What do you mean change of heart?” Frank asked

“Look Y/N asked me not to talk about it she feels awful enough as is without everybody knowing what Leo said” Piper said looking slightly torn, she didn’t want to betray y/ns trust but its not like she promised her anything.

“Okay but it's not like I’m going to go to Y/n and ask her about it, I’m just trying to figure out what happened. One moment she’s laughing with you in the hallway Piper, and the next she’s crying and ignoring Leo whenever he tries to talk to her,” Frank explained, “from where im standing it makes no sense, she’s clearly liked him for weeks, but now that he is trying to get with her she just pretends he doesn’t exist.”

“No I’m sorry but that is so not what’s happening” Piper said all worries about betraying Y/N seemed to disappear pretty quick, “I don’t know why Leo all of a sudden is all over Y/n considering he told Hazel there was no way he’d every date Y/n”

“Wait, he told Y/N about our conversation?” Hazel looked more confused than ever, “because if they talked about it, then she knows he’s in love with her, he admitted it right after he said that , he was just scared she left without saying anything because she didn’t like him.”

“Wait so he does like her” Now Piper was confused.

“So they both like each other? I was right, but this still doesn’t explain why Y/n is all mad at him then.” Frank looked a little too pleased with himself for someone who still had no clue what was happening.

“Of course he likes her, I mean he’s totally in love with her,” Hazel acted like this was the ost obvious thing in the world, “but I’m with Frank here, if she likes him too I don’t get why she’s mad.”

“Because she went to go talk to him and heard him say it was never going to happen between them, and she just left” Piper stated

“Which means when I went to Y/N’s room and she was crying its because she didn’t hear the rest of the conversation” Frank said

“And Leo took my advice to tell her he loves her, but” Hazel continued

“She won't listen to him because she’s upset” Piper finished

“So, what do we do?” Frank was asking the important questions.

“I mean we should probably let them handle this on their own right?” Hazel, sweet innocent Hazel couldn’t be more wrong.

“No, we have to set them up,” Piper looked at hazel who clearly disagreed, “and before you say anything, think about it, we need the two of them on their best behavior if we are gonna save Percy and Annabeth and what better way to make them get along than if they’re getting it on”

“Getting it on?” Hazel asked

Frank looked panicked. “What Piper means is we need them to date, or at least be willing to be in the same room with one another.”

“And how are we going to do that,” Hazel asked.

“Easy, divide and conquer” Frank said

When Hazel, Frank, and Piper got back to the ship, things were worse than when they had left. It seems Leo had given up on trying to talk to Y/N, instead he had resorted to leaving when ever she walked in the room, and at one point at lease according to Jason, while fighting a monster who had gotten on board, the two were so busy arguing they almost killed each other instead. This could only mean one thing, they were going to need more help to set the two up so Jason was enlisted in the plan. It started simple at first, Seats were taken strategically at the table forcing Y/n and Leo to sit either directly next to each other or across from one another. It didn’t make for a pleasant dining experience to say the least. For the first few meals most of the dinner conversation went from bad to worse.

“Can you pass the salt” Y/N asked, the shaker was right in front of Leo, and while she’d rather not talk to him, her mama would’ve killed her for not using her manners at the dinner table.

Nobody moved. The silence was thick, it was salt for gods sake, one of them could just pass it over, but it was right in front of Leo and he wasn’t moving.

“Leo, can you pass y/n the salt” Hazel whispered, may he just hadn’t heard her.

“Oh she was asking me,” his voice was dripping with sarcasm, “I thought we weren’t speaking.”

“Yeah well if we aren’t talking you may as well just shut up and pass the salt” Y/N’s voice was laced with venom.

“What’s your problem” Leo practically jumped out of his chair.

“Me? I don’t have a problem”

“Oh please it looks like you have plenty of them”

“Okay, that’s enough you two” Jason tried to intervene before it went too far, it had been the same conversation for the past 3 meals and it never ended well, “Leo could you just give her the salt.”

“That depends, is she just going to use it then disappear?”

“Leo-“ Jason warned”

“Fine take it, whatever makes you happy right Y/N” He didn’t wait to hear ehr response before storming off.

Clearly they needed to try harder than that. So that night Piper, Frank, Hazel, and Jason devised a second part of the plan. If the root of the issue was Leo thinking Y/N didn’t like him and that’s why she was ignoring him, and Y/N overheard the conversation where Leo insisted he wouldn’t date her, then it was up to everyone else to subtly tell let the two know just how wrong they got things. The plan was mostly Jason’s idea, but he was definitely right. Piper was almost annoyed she didn’t think of it sooner, especially considering her mom was the goddess of love and all that. So they set into action, Frank and Piper would patrol the deck while Leo was steering the ship and talk about how Y/N is clearly just upset because she thinks Leo doesn’t like her just loud enough that he would overhear, Jason would have Y/n help him make dinner and be a bit more direct asking her what’s happening between her and Leo and do his best to push her into talking to him. Hazel was the final step, if nobody could get them to make up she would do her best to guilt trip them into speaking, she wasn’t sure how yet but she’d come up with something should the need arise.

Leo’s POV

Steering the ship late at night got boring, sure one of the others gladly would’ve taken over if he asked, but none of them quite understood how to operate the whole ship, well no one except Annabeth. Besides he wasn’t getting much sleep nowadays anywhere, maybe it was the impending war with Gaea, or the fact that his best friend hated him, but he was up all night all the time. If he was going to be awake he may as well be productive. So he steered the ship, checking the radar on occasion and talking festus when things got a bit too quiet. He knew Piper and Frank were on patrol and would eventually make their way in to talk to him, but until them Leo was left alone with his thoughts. He didn’t have any clue what he did to Y/N but he knew she had no reason to be ignoring him after she left him alone that night. Plus, he tried talking to her more than once to tell her how he felt, but she wouldn’t even give her the time of day so really she was the problem. Clearly that night together meant nothing to her so he decided it would mean nothing to him. He no longer loved Y/N. It would be much simpler that way. At least that’s what he told himself as the exhaustion started setting in.

“Look Piper, I know I’m not Leo’s biggest fan or anything but I don’t understand why Y/N just tell him how she feels” Franks voice broke through the steady beeping of machinery as they walked down the hall.

“It’s because she overheard him talking to Hazel and now she thinks he doesn’t like her which is ridiculous”

Y/N overheard him talking to Hazel? That couldn’t be right, she’d left and he didn’t see her all day. He thought back to that morning as he talked to Hazel when it clicked, he swore he had heard footsteps, it must have been Y/N.

“I get that, but why didn’t she just talk to Leo”

‘Frank, you’re the one who found her crying that night, she probably felt terrible and didn’t want to get hurt but talking to him again. We all know she isn’t the best at emotions.” Piper’s voice sounded weird.

“Yeah well neither is Leo.” That wasn't weird especially coming from Frank, but still he didn’t need to say it like that, “ But its pretty obvious to everyone but Y/N that he is head over heels in love with her. Maybe he just needs to give it one more shot, you know, talk to her alone and apologize for what she overheard and explain the full story. If he tells her he’s sorry and just explains he was worried she’d reject him, she would definitely forgive him and they could just live happily ever after.”

“Either way until one of them decides to be the bigger person and talk to the other, we’re in for a long ride.”

It was settled, as much as he would never admit this publicly, Frank was right. He needed to talk to y/n and he needed to do it now before she could hate him anymore. He put festus into autopilot and did his best to pretend he didn’t overhear Piper and Frank talking.

“Hey Leo, didn’t know you were still up” Piper said casually

“Of course, someone’s gotta keep this ship moving if were going to get to Percy and Annabeth in time” Leo forced a laugh, he didn’t really have time to stand here chatting

“Well we will be here all night if you need anything,” Piper offered

“Actually I have to run down to the boiler room for a few minutes if one of you wouldn’t mind keeping and eye on the radar, we don’t really have time to deal with any monster attacks right now”

“Yeah you got it bro, and hey dinner is in like 5 minutes try not to come back covered in grease or Hazel may kill you” Frank said with a smile

Leo didn’t even have time to think about how weird Frank was acting, like seriously when had Frank ever referred to anyone let alone Leo as bro. Still Leo was already on his way down the stairs to the living quarters, he needed to talk to y/n.

Y/N’s POV

Y/N was just about ready to go hide in her room for the next 3-5 business days, or at least until they reach the doors of death, whichever ever came first. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally exhausted. When she wasn’t patrolling or trying to come up with some sort of plan to save the entire world, she was arguing with Leo, and when she wasn’t arguing with Leo she was thinking about him. Actually she thought about him basically 24/7 but she didn’t want to think about that too much. Leo was a condescending little jerk, and he didn’t deserve the space he held in her mind, now if only her brain would get the memo. All Y/n wanted was a distraction. If she were back at Camp Half-Blood right now it would be easy to get her mind off Leo. She would just curl up with a book or do target practice with Will, heck she’d even volunteer for extra shifts in the med bay if it meant getting her mind off things, but abroad the Argo II the only distractions they ever seemed to get were monster attack and Y/N really did want one of those. So she settled on taking a nap. All she had to do was curl up under her blankets and at least until dinner she wouldn’t have to think about Leo and his stupid, adorable, obnoxious face. So that’s what she did it felt like she’d only been asleep for a few minutes when there was a pounding at her door. Y/n walked over to open it, surprised to see Jason there of all people.

“I need your help” He said looking but panicked.

“Yeah of course, what’s wrong” Y/n was concerned, it wasn’t like Jason to ask for help and she was the last person he’d come to normally. It was weird, something must be seriously wrong.

“I was making dinner and I burned basically everything and I mean you can’t even eat it and we only have like 20 minutes till dinner I need your help.”

“Can’t someone else help? I’m a terrible cook.” Y/N insisted, it wasn’t that she was all that terrible, it was just not something she really enjoyed doing. Baking on the other hand was her favorite.

”I can’t ask Hazel she made dinner the last 2 nights, Piper has never cooked a day in her life unless you count cereal, and Frank is Frank, he’d say yes because he’s too nice but he’d be miserable. Plus he’s already on patrol right now so it wouldn’t be fair to pull him off to help me cook.”

“Fine, I’ll help but you have to help me make breakfast tomorrow then”

”Deal” He was quick to agree.

So Y/n and Jason made their way down to the kitchen, there wasn’t any evidence of burned food but Y/N figured Jason had already gotten rid of it. The two of them worked side by side to make up a pasta dish that hopefully looked like it was the original plan. It was actually pretty nice, Jason’s no Y/N hadn’t had time to hang out in a while and it was nice to catch up. They talked about all sorts of things, what they wanted to do after the quest was over, their favorite movies, and Y/n least favorite topic as of late, Leo. Jason was good Y/N would give him that much. Despite her managing to avoid the topic so far he was able to sneak it in when they were talking about their favorite foods on the ship.

”I mean your breakfast sandwiches are killer Y/n but i really think Leo’s the best chef here” Jason laughed hoping Y/N wouldn’t snap at him for mentioning Leo’s name.

”I hate that you’re right” Y/n admitted, looking rather annoyed at herself for doing so.

”What happened between you anyways? It’s like all of a sudden someone flipped a switch and you went from loving each other to hating each other, did he do something because I’ll kill him.” Okay Jason was definitely being weird, he wasn’t normally one to but into peoples lives.

”I have no clue what you’re talk about.”

“Don’t lie, you guys were fine and now you can’t be in the same room without screaming at one another, so clearly something happened.” Jason insisted, Y/N just didn’t understand why he wouldn’t just drop it.

”Jason, seriously its fine,” it wasn’t fine.

”Look you’re both my friends, and I know all of us being trapped here can get intense sometimes, but he likes you and you like him. Maybe you should just talk it out.”

“And we are done here, I’m going to my room to clean up before dinner. I'll see you in 5.” And with that Y/n walked away effectively ending the conversation.

Gods, she should’ve known something was up. Since when had Jason ever wanted to talk about feelings, he was plotting something. Scratch that, Piper was probably the one plotting something since nobody else would be able to get Jason involved. Besides, he didn’t know anything, Leo didn’t like her and it was like nobody besides Y/N could get the hint and move on. She closed the door to her room before quickly changing out of her current clothes. Just as she was tying up her hair there was another knock at the door.

”Hey Y/n dinner is in like 2 minutes wanna walk up with me?” Hazel asked.

”I’m changing right now so just go without me”

There was no response, y/n continued to tie her hair up when there was another knock.

”Hazel I said go without me”

”Um, its not Hazel, can I come in and talk to you for a second?”

Leo. This is just what she needed, she could probably just say no and head up to dinner now right? Besides anything he had to say he could say in front of everybody else at this point. It wasn’t like everybody wasn’t up in her business anyway. She debated what to do for another minute when Leo’s voice rang out again.

”Y/N? Please I know you’re in there” He said it with a slight laugh, almost involuntarily she smiled, its like he knew she was trying to figure out how to escape the room without talking to him.

There was only one thing she could do at this point, so Y/N opened the door.

There was a palpable tension in the room. Leo shuffled in awkwardly unsure what he should be doing, is this the sort of conversation you have sitting or standing. Should he keep the door open? Maybe he should close it, the walls on the ship were pretty thin so if y/n decided to murder Leo someone would probably hear it. No he’d keep it open, that way if things went south he could just run away.

”What do you want Valdez,” Okay straight to the point, clearly this was going to be harder than Leo originally thought.

“I’m sorry.” Gods that wasn’t what he wanted to say, well it was, but he had so much more to say and he couldn’t find the words.

“Okay if that’s all then I’m going to go grab dinner”

“No that’s not what I meant,” Leo said quickly

“So you’re not sorry? Great talk Leo” Y/N began to push her way to the door.

“Y/n stop.” His voice seemed to echo in the room, y/n froze and turned around to face him. “Please Y/n, I need you to hear me out and when I’m done you can chose to hate me if that’s what you want but first i need you to listen, promise me you’ll listen.”

“I- I promise” Y/N had never seen Leo like this, he looked worried, upset, gods when she looked at him its like she could see all the sleepless nights engraved in his eyes.

“I’m terrible at apologies, I normally just make a joke and laugh it off but I’m not joking about this, I need you to know I’m 100% serious with what I’m about to say,” He looked at you as if waiting for you to shut him down, to break your promise instead you just nodded. “That night we spent together was basically the best night of my entire life and I was really happy because I’ve been in love with you for ages, basically since the first day I laid eyes on you. And when you disappeared without saying anything I panicked. I thought maybe it didn’t mean anything to you, I thought maybe you regretted it so I talked to Hazel. And I know I said some awful things, I said that I would never date you but I was lying, I was just hurt and trying to pretend I wasn’t. Gods Y/N I’d give the world to take it back but I can’t, and that’s what you overheard, me being an asshole because my feelings got hurt.

“And I know you had no reason to stick around but if you did you would know that i also told Hazel I was in love with you, not was am, I am in love with you. And I didn’t know you overheard me, Hazel told me I needed to talk to you so that’s why I kept trying and I wouldn’t leave you alone, and clearly you were mad at me but i didn’t know why at the time, and I know i was jerk to you and I can’t undo that but I’m hoping you’ll forgive me. Gods, I’m such an idiot and I should-“

Gods the boy could ramble forever if you’d let him, but you didn't have time for that. Instead you cut him off by kissing him.

”Wait, so does this mean you forgive me?” Leo asked

”What do you think” You laughed leaning in to kiss him again.

”Well I want to think yes, but I’m pretty sure we’ve established thinking is not my strong suit”

“I forgive you Leo.” His face lit up, “and I’m sorry too, my feelings were hurt and I didn’t give you a chance to explain anything, and you should know I only left because I was worried, I mean what do you say to your best friend after-“

“after you blurred the lines of your friendship and haven’t figured out what comes next?” He finished for you with a laugh.

“yeah”

“We really should get better at this whole talking thing, it would probably save us a lot of trouble.” He smiled, taking you into his arms.

“Speaking of trouble we should probably make our way up to dinner before one of them comes down here.” You smile and start pulling him to the door.

Okay so I know that about halfway through I started writing she/her instead of you but in my defense I stayed up all night writing this and also I’m literally just a girl.

#annabeth chase #frank zhang #hazel levesque #jason grace #leo valdez #leo valdez x reader #nico di angelo #percy jackson #piper mclean #pjo #heros of olympus #leo x reader #child of apollo #camp half blood #argo ii #festus #house of hades #mark of athena

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