#sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there #im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold #at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire #theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade #of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about #the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc #its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a #metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm #just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long #sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone #its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it #everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much #damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i #collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells #me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my #wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im #excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it #feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun #is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's #what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy #but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire #unrelated #hm i should maybe add a tw to this #tw self injury #but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life #but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it

[blitzgamev]

Going to give this one post and then go back to posting like normal

#itd feel weird to just ignore cuz yknow *gestures at my blog* #normally i wouldnt say shit cuz im not affected and im sorry for those who are #i Am going to treat this like every other time something like this has happened #aka its shitty and hurtful but i will let it be cuz its in the past #<- this is with me assuming there will be some kinda adressing of it that gets accepted by affected people #i dunno man i figure that behaviour cant be seen nowadays and hes said he hated who he was back then so #stuff like this never helps anyone man when will people stop digging (at times when people are most hype as well) #also big old disclaimer i am shit at wording so if i fucked something up or talk over people let me know #shut up blitz #ws

[gh0stsp1d3r]

Request: So, I was thinking about Elle Woods (random, I know lol), BUT what if Y/n was similar to Elle Woods (also BUBBLES FROM POWERPUFF GIRLS) in that she’s REALLY girly, like pink/glitter ALL OVER, very bubbly, but instead of her being a lawyer with pink all over, she’s an assassin with pink all over?? And I’m talking EVERY PINK lol- Clothes, accessories, weapons, etc…. Similarly to how Elle isn’t taken seriously as a lawyer (at first) because of her demeanor and how she dresses, Y/n isn’t taken seriously (at first) as an assassin because of how she acts and dresses? BUT like Elle, Y/n is REALLY good at her job… Anyways, somehow meeting Tan and they fall in love??? Lemon being (slightly) amused at Y/n and Tan’s banter? But also Tan being really soft for her?? By @kpopgirlbtssvt

SORRY I TRIED TO COMMENT ANS SAY I WOILD DO IT BUT IM SHADOWBANNED SO I CANT ): I MISSED YOU THO AND I MISS WRITING FOR TAN SO… :3 hope it’s good love!

Lipstick

“You sure you’re an assassin?” A man said, you huffed and crossed your arms, you were currently sitting on top of the man, knife in hand.

“Look, sir, I’m trying to kill you right now and if you keep questioning me I can’t really do my job.” You said, then stabbed him in the neck before he could say anything else.

“Fucking prick.” You mumbled, putting the pink knife in the sink not too far away. You wiped your bloody hands, and then you looked down at your clothes.

“Aww man! That was my favorite shirt.” You pouted, and tried to swipe as much blood as you could off of it.

You sighed and took a picture of the body, sending it to your boss who would then send it over to the person who hired you.

You cleaned up the knife, and quickly went on your way as if nothing had happened.

You texted your boss “Is that the only mission you got for me today? (:”

“I mean, I have another one if you want to..”

“How much is it?”

“A lot. This guys offering 500k, but you’d have to be partnered up.”

“… with who?”

“The twins.”

———————————————————————

That’s how you were now with the twins, standing outside the building full of people.

“Why can’t we jus.. I dunno, go in?” You turned to them both, you all currently on the roof.

“What the fuck do you mean?” Tangerine asked.

“Watch.” You said, dropping down from the roof and going up to some guards. Tangerine and lemon mentally groaned in annoyance.

“Heyyy..”

“Who are you?” One asked.

“I think she’s the bosses sons girlfriend.” Another one said, you nodded.

“Yeah. Peter!” You made up a random name. You said it cheery and with a smile.

“Yeah, alright.” The one at the door mumbled, opening it up. You looked back at the twins and winked.

“They’re fucking daft.” Lemon said.

“Right? There’s no way-“

You opened the door in the back, and motioned for them to come.

They both furrowed their eyebrows and came in anyways.

Sneakily crouching around, you all found the room that the man was in.

But there was a guard outside, so you grabbed the knife on your hip and came up behind the man. You jumped on him and covered his mouth and nose, then repeatedly stabbing him in the neck while doing so.

The man fell, and you yelped when you almost fell too, but they had both caught the body before it hit the ground. You slowly and carefully dropped down, tangerine helping you while doing so.

“Aww, that’s so sweet.” You whispered to him, kissing his hand. “What a gentleman.”

“Shut it.” He whispered back.

You smirked and opened the door slowly, the man was sleeping on his desk.

“So we jus’ gotta bring him in?” You whispered.

Tangerine and Lemon knew the drill, and Lemon handed him the body bag.

“I’m not used to this at all.” You shook your head. You were more used to actual jobs were you killed, not kidnapping ones.

The man started to scream when you punched him in the face, knocking him out quickly. The both of them quickly put him in the bag, and dragged him into the back again.

“Why the fuck do you have a pink car again?” Tangerine asked, quickly throwing the car door open as some guards came your way.

“Cause it’s pretty.” You shrugged, and you went into the back, grabbing a gun, and shooting the guards on by one, hiding behind your door when they shot at you.

“Drive, drive drive!” You shouted, quickly getting into the car, and ducking down, tangerine sped off and Lemon had thrown the body in the back with you.

You laughed and then you realized something.

“Damnit, now my cars all ruined.” You pouted, and shook your head to yourself.

“What the fuck was that? You coulda’ gotten all of us killed!” Tangerine shouted angrily, knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel tightly.

“Oh relax, I know what I’m doing.” You said, putting your feet onto the other seats, tangerine tan a hand through his hair and Lemon just staring ahead in disbelief.

——————————————————————-

That’s how it all started. It’s now been two years of you, Lemon and Tangerine working together now, you all simply fit, and had the best performance.

“Get your dirty hands off her.” Tangerine had practically growled, the person you guys were fighting currently on top of you, pretty much wrestling you.

He ran straight into him, knocking him onto the ground and some glass. You furrowed your eyebrows and held your hand to your cheek, which the man had punched hardly.

You sat up and watched them fight now, holding your elbow that had glass in it. You looked up at Lemon and scooted over to him. He just looked down at you and then back to tangerine. He punched the man in the face repeatedly, then pulled out his gun and shot him, his brains going splattering all on the cold tile floor.

“Oh. That’s.. lovely…?” You mumbled, and looked at Tangerine.

He looked at you and then Lemon, you both stared at him in shock slightly. He stood up, and buttoned his shirt back up, fixing his hair and looking at you both.

“What?”

“Nothing, mate, nothing.” Lemon shook his head.

“That was hot.” You blurted out, both of them looked at you now.

Tangerine rolled his eyes as he dragged the body, hiding it behind the counter and taking a picture of it. He came up to you.

“You alright?” He asked.

“Just some glass in my elbow.. and pretty sure I got a bruise on my cheek but.. I’m fine.”

He nodded and went past you, You stared at him, admiring his face.

“Quit staring.” He said when he passed you. He would be lying if he said he didn’t secretly like it.

“Can’t help myself.” You shrugged, and walked next to him. Lemon snickered at you both.

“What?” He looked to lemon.

“You two are adorable, honestly.” Lemon said, putting his hands up in defense when tangerine gave him a look.

That made his ego bigger than it needed to be, he looked at you when you weren’t paying attention again and Lemon hit his shoulder and nodded to you as if saying “go for it, man.”

Lemon walked away from you both, and entered the drivers seat.

He looked at you and you looked back, smiling at him.

“Staring problem, Tan?” You teased.

“Was jus’ wondering if you wanted to go out on Saturday.” He said, messing with one of the rings on his fingers.

“Is Tangerine asking me out on a date?” You gasped and smiled.

“No one said it was a-“

“So it’s not a date?”

“I mean… yeah it is actually.” He said.

You smiled at him again, kissing his cheek. The pink lipstick staining his cheek, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“I’d love to.”

He looked at you again, his usually cold and hard glare turned into a soft and loving one every time he looked at you. You just didn’t notice it until now.

———————————————————-

He took you inside, Lemon waiting in your living room for him.

He sat you down on the closed toilet seat, and he reached for your arm, which you let him grab. He was on his knees as he examined it, noticing small pieces of glass scattered in your arm and elbow.

He grabbed tweezers, cleaning them with rubbing alcohol first, and then he slowly started to removed the pieces.

You winced in pain. He held your arm with his other hand, trying to get you to stay still.

“Jus’ a few more, yeah?” He said, you nodded with your eyes screwed shut.

After a while, he finally got all the pieces out. The pain was horrible, but felt somewhat better now.

He looked up at you, still on his knees.

“You alright?”

“I’m fine, shit, just hurts.” You mumbled.

“Sorry, I shoulda been there earlier.”

“It’s not your fault, tan.” You said, and he was now standing in front of you, he helped you stand up.

“Thank you.” You said.

“Of course.” He looked at you, glancing at your soft lips for a moment.

You noticed, and decided to take action. You leaned to him, and kissed him. He grabbed your hips, pulling you closer, your chests touching now.

Your hands were in his hair, and he shut the bathroom door quickly with his foot, he went to the floor, and you straddled him now, giggling quietly when you looked at his now pink face.

“What?” He asked.

“My lipsticks all on you.”

He blushed at the realization, he hadn’t even realized until now.

He shrugged. “Whatever.” He kissed you again, feverishly, cupping your cheeks.

This man would be the death of you.

#tangerine bullet train #bullet train #tangerine x reader #bullet train x reader #aaron taylor johnson #aaron taylor johnson x reader

[liquidstar]

hey! i’d love to learn about re:zero! well, not learn exactly but i’m thinking of maybe getting into it so i dunno, i’d love to know what sorta stuff you enjoy about it and everything 🤧 also, same anon who sent you that ask about wanting to be mutuals! so, hello!

Omg hiiii anon! It’s nice to see you again! Please feel free to send asks or even message me any time ^_^ I’m sorry I took a while to get to this but I didn’t have time to type a lot earlier and  was on mobile… but i would SO love to talk about what i like about the series (and a little bit of what i dislike, its got its fair share of understandable turnoffs but ill get to that part later- ill make a little tw list too)

But first i totally wanna share what about it i find compelling and fun as a story. I’ll put it under a cut here so I don’t clog ppl’s dashes tho hehe. I wrote... A lot actually. Like a lot a lot. Sorry .-. You can just kind of skim it if you want I don't want to make you feel like you have to read this fucking novel I wrote lol but here it is

First of all i think what made me agree to watch the series despite my preconceptions of it as a typical isekai harem was that its actually a deconstruction of that genre. “Deconstruction” often gets misused in anime circles to just mean “a genre but with a dark twist” so at first i thought it might just be a typical isekai harem but slightly edgier… but no it actually is a proper deconstruction! It takes the typical tropes of its genre and breaks them down, exposing the issues with the genre and its viewers (i.e. nerdboys wanting escapism). 

The premise on it’s own is relatively simple, it’s about a boy who gets transported to a fantasy world and discovers that he has been given a power that lets him reset time every time he dies. It gets a bit more complex from there, there’s some really cool lore that makes the world feel like it existed before subaru came to it (many isekai cant do this). And the themes of the series are actually pretty dense, which is a LOT of fun for me and the main thing i like about it tbh. So im going to talk about each one of the major themes here (and try to keep it as spoiler-free as i can!)

Escapism

One of the most important themes of the series is fantasy vs reality. Subaru, as the main character, is set up exactly like the typical nerdboy getting an isekai powerfantasy harem, and he’s genre-aware at that. When he first gets transported to another world, he instantly picks up on what's happening, and he thinks its going to go a certain way for him. 

In fact, because of the media he’s consumed in his life, he thinks he’s ENTITLED to an isekai powerfantasy and feels robbed when things end up being much more grim. For the first few arcs he can come off as annoying, he’s trying very hard to act like his idea of a “main character” and he has a tendency to reduce the people around him to tropes. He projects his will onto them, he does what he thinks a hero would do regardless of what they say. In the 3rd arc he becomes borderline unlikable (intentionally so) after a fight with emilia, and the real turning point of him as a character is whether he chooses reality or fantasy in this arc. He could go back to escaping, or he could face whats real. 

After this point in the story he begins to truly develop more as a character too, seeing the people around him as PEOPLE makes him more complete as well, and on a meta level this is also where we start to get his real backstory and characterization outside of just being the “isekai guy.” It’s like the story is telling him that he earned it, but it doesn’t feel like a sudden shift. If anything it feels like everything else about him makes MORE sense in retrospect.

But one thing that was always made clear was that subaru hated himself. A lot. He was a shut-in loser with terrible depression and anxiety, he used to get panic attacks just at the idea of going to school. He preferred to escape in his bedroom and avoid it all, and although his parents loved him very very much, deep down, he always thought they should just hate him instead. He thinks everyone should just hate him instead, which is why he tries so hard. It can be cringy to watch, but knowing where this energy of his comes from as a character makes sense…

He never really learned how to deal with people, he’s selfish and entitled to what media promised him. In this sense the story is screaming at you that NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU USE THESE POWERFANTASIES TO ESCAPE, REAL LIFE PEOPLE WILL NOT TREAT YOU THIS WAY. THEY WILL HAVE THEIR OWN LIVES AND WILLS THAT YOU CANT CONTROL AND THEY DONT OWE YOU ANYTHING JUST BECAUSE YOURE NICE TO THEM!!

This theme is even moreso evident when it comes to the woman in subaru’s life so lets talk about…

Gender 

subaru’s habit of projecting his own desires onto other people makes him place the girls around him into obsequious roles, he objectifies them, treats them like tropes in a video game. The message that the story wants to convey is fairly obvious, that you can’t treat real life women the same way you treat your fictional characters. And that they don’t owe you anything just because you’re nice to them. This is partly what emilia and subaru’s aforementioned fight was about, and it’s important that she only accepts his love after he treats her like a human being. She doesn’t want special treatment or to be placed on a pedestal. This theme kind of went over a lot of nerdboys heads because they wanted to jerk off to rem, who actually presented the “fantasy” ideal- kind of ironic…

On the flip side too, subaru tries very very hard to fit into masculine ideals of heroism (often emulating his father who was a pro athlete). He thinks he has to be a certain way and act a certain way. Though once he breaks out of this shell he actually ends up being more… Just himself. He’s not afraid to let emilia be the hero, he even compliments her for being “manly” (which she doesnt take as an insult and they have a cute laugh about) and in the ln takes up dressing femininely as something he was afraid to do in earnest before- previously seeing it as a joke.

Whats also notable about emilia is that shes one of the five dragon priestesses thats running as a candidate in the royal selection- that might have just been word soup, but what it basically means is that she and four other girls are running to become ruler of the country. The title that they earn is actually KING of legunica, not queen. This serves as a nice contrast to the room emilia was locked in during her childhood, the princess room.

Its a fantasy story so archetypes like kings and princesses and knights are all present but its more so about what those archetypes represent. The knights are the heroes, that masculine ideal subaru wanted to live up to. He claims to be one without earning it, which gets him beat the hell up by a real knight, julius. Whos also an interesting character in this regard, he’s the “knight of knights” and puts a lot of pressure on himself chivalrous, and subaru is incredibly jealous. Though eventually they grow closer and idk they’re kinda… hm. Anyway there’s also reinhard, another knight who is so ridiculously overpowered that its a joke. Like, one of his powers is he’s blessed to never eat anything too salty. He IS the overpowered isekai protagonist that subaru wanted to be, but unlike julius, subaru kind of admires reinhard (they got off on a better foot). But reinhard himself… the truth is hes so very isolated and trapped, he grew up with a terrible father and because of his powers the kingdom pretty much owns him, he has no freedom. This aspiration is a leesh.  

Mean while other candidates are all interesting in their own ways and also all represent some different ideologies (incase youre wondering the emilia camp is. communism.) but the ones most relevant to the gender theme is probably the crusch camp because… actually its kind of a lot, not all of it depicted well, but not necessarily horribly either. The basic idea is that crusch and ferris are two characters who “swapped” gender performances, though the series may still posit that their actual identities are still their agab this isnt exactly that simple (especially in the ln) and i personally think its a case of a cis author not really knowing how trans people work. Crusch behaves in a more masculine role until their memories are wiped and suddenly starts to behave like a “regular girl”- this is meant to be strange and upsetting because its NOT CRUSCH so i actually think thats well done enough. Ferris is… well, not a character i want to speak as an authority on, i think they could have been handled better, but it could have also been worse. I do like that in the ln they directly dispute the notion that ferris “dresses like a girl” to attract/trick men, at least. 

The series does genuinely seem to want to pick apart some gender norms though, and though i am critical of the ways it fumbles the ball i do enjoy the themes, especially as a deconstruction story. Its NOT perfect and i think one of my biggest gripes with it is that despite this “dont objectify” theme, a lot of the female characters designs are pretty sexualized! Mostly not to an absurd degree, i actually think the maid outfits are cute, but sometimes i feel like it can detract rather than add. You could make the case that its saying “even if theyre dressed like this bla bla” but i think thats a reach… at the very least though theres not that much fanservice despite the outfits, things arent usually framed weirdly just to get tits or ass in frame and all. I think the most the was was a scene in the ova where emilia and rem hug and their boobs touch

One way that the themes do come full circle though is with the emilia and subaru’s first kiss. Their first fight was about subaru denying emilia her personhood by ignoring her will in favor of his own. They have another fight that calls back to this but this is AFTER subaru has character development and one way that he proves to her that he loves her is by getting explicit consent for the kiss (verbally and physically) beforehand- it wasnt just an example of “a kiss solves all the problems” but a demonstration of how far hes come as a character, not assuming that playing out movie tropes alone will fix stuff but actually caring about what she wants.

Memories/Identity

Speaking of losing memories, that’s also a huge theme in the story. The idea is that your memories are your identity isn’t exactly unique, but what i like a lot about how the series does it is how OTHER peoples memories of you matter just as much as your own. It’s what i call “self-recognition through the other.” 

Your identity is molded through how people around you perceive you, and how you perceive those perceptions in turn. Not just about how you see yourself, but how you see other people seeing you. That’s why there are two types of amnesia in the series, one where you forget your own identity and one where people forget who you are. Those are the two things that make you… you! So when a character loses one, they lose half of themselves. When they lose both… they stop existing. They enter a comatose state and are just a “null”- something that never was and yet is right here.

The theme of subaru projecting his will onto other people has to do with this- subaru hates himself so he can only bare to recognize himself through the projection.

The show especially has a LOT of shots of characters being reflected in each other’s eyes, making it clear that whats going on here isnt just a character being seen, but also a character seeing themselves through another person.

One example, heres a scene where subaru is yelling at emilia, he screams at her and calls her useless and tells her she cant save everyone. Throughout the entire scene we dont see subaru’s face, only emilia’s reaction, and when she starts to talk she just says “why are you crying?” and the scene changes to a close up of her eye, subaru reflected in it, crying. He wasn’t really yelling at emilia, he was yelling at himself through her.

Another way memories come into play is because of subaru’s return by death power. Its an isolating power, because when he dies and resets the timeline… his friends forget about him. From subarus perspective these are people he was close with, people hes been friends with for at least a month (in total) but who have no memory of him. Its part of why he blows up at emilia, hes frustrated that his friends cant remember such important memories because to them.. THEY NEVER HAPPENED!!! These are things that only subaru will remember. In arc 2 when he grows close to rem and ram over time and they just keep forgetting about him… it hurts him a lot because his friends just suddenly stop seeing him as a friend. Its not their fault, but its not his either. And they can never fully help him through the trauma because he cant tell anyone the shit hes been through, the power wont let him.

But from THEIR perspectives… its scary. Its scary when some guy you dont know acts so familiar, acts like you OWE him something when you have no idea what hes talking about. Something you cant remember. Of course emilia is horrified when he starts lashing out, she has no idea whats going on! 

Whats interesting is that the SAME THING happens to subaru later on… through the witch of envy (totally not alternate timeline emilia we swear). She claims that she loves him, in fact thats all she says, “i love you, i love you, i love you” but subaru doesnt know her. He has no idea who she is, hes terrified of someone who loves him so much for things he doesnt remember. Yeah, doesnt feel so good huh?

7(+2) deadly sins

Each arc of the series actually focuses around subaru making a choice that’s centered around overcoming a deadly sin, and there are also several characters representing the deadly sins, including the two that pope gregory got rid of (vainglory and melancholy). There are the witches of sin, as well as the archbishops that represent those sins. What I find the most interesting is how these sins relate back to the theme of identity through the way their powers are represented as well as the ways their respective arcs are handled.

Gluttony is the most obvious, it’s framed as a sin where you “consume” another person's identity for your own sake, or take it on completely, without regard for them and how they’ll get dulled or lose their own sense of self devoid from you.

Greed is about a desire for connection, which in moderation can be a good thing, but it can also become possessive and entitled. It’s literally objectifying, treating someone else like your possession. On the flip side, placing that desire above all else can also lead to the detriment of your own well-being as well as those around you.

Lust doesn’t just refer to the sexual connotation, but about love in general. Specifically about using love as leverage to take advantage of and manipulate people, even by force, and even down to their sense of self. 

Wrath also isn’t just about anger, it’s about intense emotions in general, and what happens when you project these emotions onto other people, and how this can become a cycle of amplifying these emotional projections back and forth until the person’s identity has been consumed by them.

Sloth can be taken as being slothful in your relationships, not just romantic ones but to the people around you. Neglecting or abandoning them when things get hard, especially if they really need you. Choosing escapism over reality.

Pride seems to be about the arrogant assumption that your perspective of another person is the correct one, and treating them the way that you see fit based on that. You’re in the right, so if you decide they deserve to be punished then it must be justified.

Envy is also about the possession of others, similar to greed but with a much more targeted and controlling nature. The jealousy that comes with it is one that forces the object of desire into being isolated, lonely and unfulfilled, unable to form any true bonds with others.

Melancholy is the one we’ve seen the least of, but it seems to be about forcing your negativity onto others, hurting not just yourself but also other people through your own depression and apathy.

Vainglory is gaslighting. Despite being as mysterious as melancholy, the metaphor is obvious. It’s manipulating another person's entire perspective and reality to fit your narrative, to manipulate them into what you want them to be.

Sasically because of the series's themes of identity and projection, the biggest sin you could commit towards another person or even yourself is warping that.

Suicidality

Suicidality is present throughout the entire story. Of course it is! Our escapist mean characters superpower is to fucking die! But it’s more than that… Subaru hates himself. He wants to die. He didn’t consider himself to have a life before, and now he sees himself as an even bigger loser for all the trauma hes gone through and all that hes lost. Even in reflecting on the person he was. In the 4th arc especially he makes it clear how little he values his own life, especially because of how much he cares about his friends (at this point, yes, he sees them as people and loves them more than anything). But hes so traumatized, so down on himself for all his failures, and he cant die no matter how hard he tries.

This theme isn’t limited to him, in fact the same exact thing is true of beatrice, an immortal spirit girl who was abandoned inside a library for 400 years. They actually end up having a very very sweet sibling dynamic later on, but whats more important is that theyre both hypocrites. Subaru wants to save beatrce, he doesnt want her to die. Beatrice doesnt want subaru to die and repeatedly saves him, which he screams at her for. Beatrice begs him to kill her, he wont do it. They both want to save each other from each other but dont want to be saved themselves.

Rem is also an interesting example of suicidality- shes not as outwardly suicidal as beatrice and subaru but she does have a very very very severe inferiority complex, and very intense feelings of guilt and shame for never being enough, only being a replacement for her displaced sister, the literal reincarnation of a god. Rem falls for subaru because he sees her as her own person, for the first time ever (the only other person to do that is ram, but rem feels too guilty to see it) but what makes her feelings interesting is that she sees subaru as her “reason to die”. NOT LIVE! Rem only sees herself as someone worth discarding, if she can die for subaru than she would die happy. Its her excuse. What many many many people overlook about rem is just how unhealthy her ideas about love are, shes so mischaracterized! And its sad because of how interesting and thematically important her arc is… boiled down to a love triangle! Augh!

Stars

I love star themes in stories!!! This is honestly pretty obvious given that I have my own set of star-themed ocs, but i’ll try to put them aside for rn to talk about this lol. First of all subaru loves stars a lot, its something I like about his character too- he’s not just a typical nerdboy who likes anime and games, he has other unique personal interests like mythology and astronomy! Of course he does, his name actually comes from the stars, that’s where his love of them comes from. Subaru is the japanese name for the pleiades star cluster and the individual stars of become relevant later.

Beyond subaru there are plenty of characters whose names come from the stars, though not always directly. 

For example all of the witches of sin (aside from one) are named after astroids. Echidna, Minerva, Sekhmet, Daphne, Typhon, Carmilla, Pandora, and Hector. The exception to this rule is Satella, the witch of envy, who was always an odd-one-out. Her name could mean either star or satellite (like an asteroid!). And all the sin archbishops are also named after stars, and the names of the stars actually directly correlate to what their powers are.

There are also plenty of other ways characters names often tie into stars and mythology, but not always- sometimes theyre just puns. For example, emilia comes from the latn “emilius” which means… Jealous.

Other stuff

Re:zero actually has a lot of different content, one of the coolest to me, because of how they expand on the series’ themes, are the what:if routes. I didnt talk abt them in the above bc i thought it would get too confusing, but theyre basically alternate routes for the story. What WOULD HAVE happened if subaru had made the wrong choice, if the thematic sin of the arc won. So far, and in order, there’s 

Pride:if

Wrath:if

Sloth:if 

Greed:if

Gluttony:if 

There will probably be more in the future, whats funny is that theyre written and posted on april fools day… aka subaru’s birthday!

Theres also ovas which i think are important to watch before season 2, and one that takes place mid-season-1 so my watch order rec is actually

Season 1 episodes 1-11

Memory snow ova (lighthearted and fun!)

Season 1 episodes 12+

Frozen bonds ova (emilia backstory!)

Season 2

Theres also a directors cut version of the show but its basically just two episodes stitched together w some mild animation improvements and ONE scene added at the end (Which gets repeated in season 2 anyway) so which one you watch doesnt make a difference

After that, if you want, you can pick up the light novel at arc 5. Arc 6 s the best one imo but i havent read arc 7 yet (bear that in mind for the tw list)

Anyway now that i talked about the themes, and before i get to the tws, i want to talk about

The characters!!!!

Easily one of the best parts of the series. I feel like I’ve mostly talked about subaru and emilia here but thats because if i were to get Into It with each of these characters on their own we’d be here all day (and this is already so long!) they all have a lot of personality and are genuinely very complex and interesting characters so ill just give little blurbs to explain them here

Subaru: I’ve talked enough about here. I want to say that i genuinely like him a lot as a character, after his growth and development he’s so likable and fun and you just kind of want to protect him

Emilia: A silver-haired half-elf, she’s hated for looking like the witch of envy, a figure from history so repulsive people won’t even say her name. People call her a half-devil, say that she doesn’t deserve to live, that her birth was a crime. But emilia is a kind girl, she wants to change the world so that everyone is equal and no one is treated like she is. She’s also very strong, her ice magic is incredibly powerful and so so so deadly in some really cool and creative ways.

Puck: Emilia’s spirit! He loves emilia so much that he would literally kill everyone in the world and then himself if anything happened to her. For real.

Rem: So mischaracterized by the fanbase! Poor rem! She’s both sweet and also not afraid to cut a bitch at any given point. But for the most part she also kind of hates herself, seen as the lesser of the two oni sisters, she could never live up to ram. One day though, the tables turned, and rem had to take ram’s place, though she only felt guilt and shame for it. Seeing herself as nothing but a replacement, time stopped for her the fiery night her sister’s horn was cut off.

Ram: Also often mischaracterized as being “tsundere” though thats far from the truth- She’s actually just a straight up cunt. Her main character trait is that she’s bluntly honest no matter what, so when she’s being a bitch she means it. She used to be the reincarnation of the oni god (and technically still is) but when her horn was cut off she lost the ability to control these powers. She often gets seen as being “lazy” by other characters, but the truth is that she’s in constant pain because of this. Despite that, she was a little bit happy too when she was finally released from the pressures of a god.

Beatrice: The guardian of the forbidden library, she was abandoned there a long long time ago. Now she only sits and waits for someone to find her, save her, kill her. She can come off as being bratty, but the truth is that she’s very lonely and also afraid to let people in.

Roswaal: The margrave of the estate… He’s so very fucked up in the head… There’s not too much I can say without giving away some major plotpoints but that make-up isn’t there for nothing, he really is a fucking clown.

Otto: A merchant that eventually joined the emilia camp. He spent the first decade of his life completely mute, saying that the world used to be a hellish place of harsh noise for him. Eventually this changed- when he gained his divine protection of spirit voice. Meaning he can talk to animals! And other things. After some loops he ends up becoming a very very devoted friend to subaru, someone he can always confide in.

Garfiel: Sort of a wildcard, but despite everything he actually does have a heart of gold. And everything about him actually makes more sense when you learn he’s actually fourteen. He’s can also transform into a tiger which is pretty sick. And he has mommy issues!

Frederica: Garfiel’s older sister, she works as a maid for the roswaal estate but has taken a leave. She’s very sweet and motherly, especially to garfiel and petra. And she can transform into a lion which again is pretty sick.

Petra: A child from the village who ended up joining the emilia camp as a maid-in-training. I’m not going to lie I think she’s only there so there’s a cute kid that needs protecting and so that we can be devastated when she dies in any given loop. It kind of works

(now onto non-emilia-camp-members)

Anastasia: Don’t let her cute appearance fool you, she’s a cutthroat capitalist through-and-through. A former merchant looking to become the next king of legunica. 

Julius: Anastasia’s knight, the knight of knights. Everything about him screams “chivalry” but in reality that’s a weaning facade. He and subaru don’t get along much at first, but eventually they end up with a really close bond. Subaru is kind of tsundere about it though lol

Crusch: The most militant of the royal selection candidates, crusch is sort of a hard-ass through and through… In fact they’re pretty much just looking to run a meritocracy, and subaru himself calls out the fact that crusch would be a good leader if not for abandoning the weak.

Ferris: Crusch’s knight, Ferris is playful and sometimes a smartass. Also granted the title of “blue” for their status as the best healer in the country.

Wilhelm: Crusch’s butler. He seems like just some old man but in reality he’s badass as fuck and he loves his wife, the former sword saint

Reinhard: The current sword saint, and wilhelm’s grandson. He’s the most OP man in existence, but he has so so many family issues, growing up with an abusive father and being blamed for his grandmas death. On top of that he lacks freedom and choice, being bound to being a knight for the kingdom. Making it fitting that he’s representing the candidate looking to abolish the current system, Felt.

Felt: A former thief from the slums, she was selected as a dragon priestess and chose to run in the royal selection… Because she wants to destroy the structures in place. She hates the nobility, she hates the knights, and she’s going to burn it all down. She wants anarchy and she’s got my vote.

Rom: Felt’s grandpa <3 well, adoptive, but still. Their cute little found family is actually adorable and I want them to be so happy. He’s also a giant.

Priscilla: She’s such a bitch. But like, it’s also really funny how much of a bitch she is. She was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, and her powers of luck make it so that everything always works out for her, no matter what. Basically she’s just aiming for totalitarianism, for all her whims to always be obeyed

Al: Priscilla’s knight, he’s pretty much just there to give her whatever she wants whenever she wants it. What's the most interesting about him though is that… he’s from earth. Like, our earth. Subaru isn’t the only one. In fact there are at least two historical figures that are also from earth. 

(now for antagonists)

Elsa: The first real threat subaru encounters, elsa is a vampire and assassin who’s been granted the nickname of “the bowel hunter” because of the way she… Well, she rips people’s guts out and loves to watch them die <3

Meili: Elsa’s little assistent, they actually see each other as sisters and care about each other. She’s also more than okay with a little murder despite being like 12, because that’s all she knows. And she has control over monsters which is awesome.

Petelguese: sin archbishop of the witches cult representing sloth. He’s actually out of his mind… But. There’s some legit backstory. All i will say is that his voice actor has some fucking range i swear. Also the way he’s animated is both horrifying and hilarious. Uncanny in just the right loony toons way

Satella: AKA the witch of envy, she’s sort of mysterious, sort of a contradiction.

Echidna: The witch of greed, an amazing manipulator. All she wants is to know everything, her greed is an insatiable thirst for knowledge and she has no morals. 

Minerva: The witch of wrath. What makes her angry? The injustices of a cruel world, pain and suffering, hardship and strife. She’s angry because she cares so much.

Sekhmet: The witch of sloth, she drove a giant dragon (basically deities in legunica) to the other side of the great waterfall (a barrier considered impenetrable, no one knows whats beyond it) just so she could nap.

Daphne: The witch of gluttony, she created all the monsters that inhabit the world. Why? So that no one ever has to go hungry ever again. But she thinks it’s unfair to not give the monsters a chance to eat too.

Typhon: The witch of pride, the young daughter of an executioner. Watching person after person be put to death, she childishly and cruelly began to judge people’s lives on her own. She might be a kid but she’s horrifying. 

Carmilla: The witch of lust, though not in a purely sexual sense. A vampire who was worshiped in her life- people went to war over her. She has no interest in love herself, however she does recognize how important love is and wants to help people realize it too.

Hector: The devil of melancholy, he’s a bit mysterious but the make takeaway is that he has depression.

Pandora: The witch of vanity, and THE most broken character in anything ever. Her powers are literally just speaking shit into existence. She’s like somesort of goddess, and like her namesake she’s trying to open a box right now…

Anyway. 

Trigger warnings

Re:zero is a dark show with some heavy themes, and despite being a deconstruction its also not immune to some of the grosser things abt the isekai genre. Heres my list of things to be weary of (Aside from stuff that wasnt already mentioned) so…

A not insignificant amount of gore. Its not corpse party or anything, but there are guts and eyeballs flying out, as well as plenty of examples of limbs getting cut off or in one case twisted until they break. In the light novel the descriptions of the gore are more graphic. Subaru dies in all kinds of fucked up ways.. As well as the people around him really.

Theres some pretty graphic depictions of self harm, particularly finger mutilation by one of the antagonists. Subaru also has a habit of biting his lip until it bleeds and in the ln its very heavily implied that he cuts himself. And again plenty of his deaths were suicides. 

It’s really not shown on-screen, but one of the antagonists says that when she was a child she was molested by a man while seeking shelter in a snow storm. She killed him though so theres that

Theres also a pretty gross scene (intentionally so) where echidna, a witch character, finds a young roswaal who had literally JUST THROWN UP and starts to… make out with him. Its literally so gross. On multiple levels. In-universe it was supposed to be to help heal him, but on a meta level i think it was just showing us how their dynamic was a bit... yeah. (Also if vomit in general grosses you out, subaru throws up a few times during the series… understandable. He is so so traumatized)

Speaking of roswaal, hes like, 100+ years old now, and ram is 18. and he burned down rem and rams entire village and took them in to work for him when they were kids. And ram STILL has romantic feelings for him. Girl you have stockholm syndrome!!! But at the very least roswaal doesnt reciprocate (as of rn. Hopefully never) and the other characters straight up tell her she has bad taste lol

Also just in general animals and children will die, sometimes brutally, and even though its usually reset it can still be upsetting to watch.

The series also isnt afraid to depict subaru has having Mental Issues. It can be assumed he developed PTSD from the Everything Going On. and its not afraid to show disassociation, especially in arc 6, he more or less develops DID (though a little misdescribed) but with like some fantasy aid. You could also see emilia as having repressed memories but again theres fantasy aspects to it. I dont think depicting these things is bad obviously but i know they can cause some ppl to have episodes. (I dont have DID or anything but for some reason after i read inside mari i was like completely disassociating for days it was weird). 

But what i find the most unpleasant to watch is the “loli” characters in the show. For the most part i dont find it to be that egregious, so i can handle it. but i think the worst example by far is liliana… i honestly dont know if ill be able to watch arc 5 when she’ll actually be on-screen and ill have to look at her like… eugh. Shes 22 but looks like shes 12 and shes in a relationship with a grown man who the other characters call a lolicon. Its genuinely something i hate about the series but like everything else enough that i dont look directly at it (doesnt mean im not conscious and critical though, please dont mistake that as what im saying lol)

There’s gotta be more so I’ll add on if I remember but that’s all I can think of off the top of my head.

Despite all the things that I dislike though you gotta believe me when I say there's stuff I like.. I mean that's what this entire novel was about. This wasn't a an analysis or critique of the show in ANY way, despite how much i wrote i actually feel like i'd be doing it a huge disservice in that regard. No, it's just all the stuff that I like, and on a somewhat surface level too because I didn't want to give EVERYTHING away, though I know I still said a lot!

So yeah! :thumbs_up: if you wanna check it out and the tws dont make you too uncomfortable I say go for it. I understand it's not for everyone and thats okay ^_^

[pansypr3p]

i dont blatantly sys post often!!! im not super into syscourse, i am not always against non-traumagenic systems. it depends. but i am here to complain abt how fucked up it is that anti non traumagenic systems/people are called sysmeds. like. its a play on transmeds y'know? and the thing about transmeds is like. being trans isnt a disorder. this is because. gender is not real. its a thing we made up. cant be a disorder. nothings wrong with you. yknow?

but like. being a system is stressful if not inherently caused by or influenced by trauma!! like. i fucking love and adore my headmates and wouldnt give them up for the world but. its hard sometimes, yknow??? like. switching is hard sometimes, role switches and internal conflict and all this bullshit. we love each other but having like 200 ppl in one noggin is a Bad Time, especially when there can be like 15-25 people in the front room at a time, not to mention the dissociation. i cant remember friday. or thursday, or wednesday, or tuesday. i think i have a vague idea of what happened? but i just. its just not there. yknow? and yesterday and today- ive been fighting feeling utterly apathetic because the dissociations so bad. and that was all because someone yelled at me for a second and i shut down because i got triggered because hey! trauma! woo!

so yes. being a system is a problem. not for others around you! but for me and many others. and i dunno. i just like. i just really wish they wouldnt compare us to transmeds?? like systemhood IS medical. maybe you got some other shit going on like systemhood, and yeah, okay! sure! cool! whatever! i could care less. but if you dont have that trauma, that dissociation and struggle. i want a different space!!! than you!! bc that shit is fucking hard. and fuck it. if you dont struggle like that i dont want you to talk like you do. and if you do, and you still think youre non-traumagenic. okay. sure. whatever. i dont want you in my space either. denial is a bad look.

maybe that was rude. i am sorry. i dont like being mean to people and i much rather respect everyone and leave them alone. bur i got a little frustrated so here! a rant.

#anti non traumagens who attack endos+ are not welcome here btw. i dont care if theyre endos #you dont attack other people in any way #ive seen ppl get endos banned just because theyre endos. that is fucked up. stop #mostly i just like. systems who are created via religion or spirituality or your own will fuck me up. i dont like that. please leave #got spirituality trauma! #and i don't respect people who just decide they Want to be a system sorry lmao #just #my personal shit #anti non-traumagenic systems #traumagenic systems #endos okay to interact but pls be respectful !!! #just like. hold ur tongue if u r super angry at me i am not afraid to block skdjf #but i dont hate you #i dont hate people really #minus like #cooperate fuckfaces and abusers <3 #fuck them #minus that!! #ehehek #sorry if this isn't understandable i ramble a lot #syscourse #sys stuff #system stuff #anti endo #anti endos !! interact !! unless you harass endos in which i ask you go to therapy and leave me alone ty #anti endos interact #sysmeds #sysmeds interact #hate usin that #but oh well

[salaciousslut]

How has your day been so far, sweetheart?<3 also im ngl sometimes when i listen to Igual Que Un Ángel by Kali Uchis i think of you🫣

I'd trust you with my life if i ever blacked out tbh! I dont trust many people around me when im drunk but you give off a really safe feeling so if it were just us two i would maybe over do it on the alcohol 🫣 the thought of being hung over is so scary to me tbh!! I never wanna be hung over! And if i drink on an empty stomach im fucked like im just real drunk off one shot its not fair 🙄 i hope you'd have fun with us if you got drunk with us!! but im ngl i think i was a lil weird last night due to unfortunately getting a bit horny but y'know thats life😩 im just glad my friends werent able to tell cause that's between me and whoever i wanna tell. Normally though we are just big dorks abour anime, movies, and random tv shows, and i cant shut up about music half the time. 🤭

Im the same way!! i just unfortunately occasionally have some like autism/adhd moments where suddenly ive focused too much on trying to actively listen and end up not listening, so if i ask you to repeat yourself a few times its either bc of that or the fact that my audio processing stuff is kinda crazy at times. But i know i'll enjoy hearing you talk<3

Tease me as much as you want to<3 and by all means go ahead and be a menace. Either way im gonna end up with my fingers inside you🥰 i wanna make you melt, i wanna see just how much you need someone inside of you<33

Its sweet that you wanna spoil me<3 like it feels like a crime that youre calling me kind when you keep talking about taking care of me and spoiling me and im just saying nice things. Like i should be taking care of you, youre the princess here sweetheart<3 and i swear to you im thriving under any circumstance, the universe wakes me up every morning by gently kissing my eyelids hehe🤭

I hope to show you my smile and see yours, i dunno how you feel about video calls, but maybe when im comfy with it and if youre comfy with it (and after ive been in your dms a little while) we can do a lil video call! Just an innocent little hang out between a butch and a pretty girl<3 I'll let you know if you feed it too much in that case, I could use a lil more confidence just not too much. I can teeter on the edge of entitlement if i let it go too far, and i hate who i am when i act entitled like that version of me is such a dick and not even in a hot way.

its been okay, ive been studying all day because i have a big exam on monday which is soooo boring but im trying my best! and omg i just listened to the song and its so pretty!! im really honored that you think of me 🥺☺️ ive listened to a few of kali uchis stuff and its sooo good!!

aww yes i take care of my people!! im the mom friend so i gotta make sure everyone is alive and safe! but hehe i hope u werent horny because of me 🫣 if it was then oopsies sorry babe! and i love big lil dorks!! im a lil nerd myself so i totally understand!!

its okay i know what u mean! i have auditory processing issues too but im very understanding and well always do as asked so u never have to worry being around me!

ahh youre soo swoon worthy, i want you inside me now!!!! 🥺

youre saying nice things because you are nice and kindhearted! plus i just like seeing other happy!! and we can take care of each other!! none of that one way shit!!! its give and take!! hehe im kissing u on the nose and temple rn 😘

yes yes i love video calls, im the type who if u give me permission to call u whenever, ill learn ur schedule and just ft out of the blue bc i miss ur face and presence. i know how u feel tho so please take ur time!! hehe handsome butch and a pretty princess on the phone is too powerful tho, everyone else needs to watch out

okay i understand!! but dont be too hard on yourself okay? u deserve good things

#ci answers #butch my beloved

[crystal-iceblossomxjackfrost4evr]

Tw manipulative Parental unit bullshit/my sociopathic tendencies towards said parental unit/ and small death stuff in the past/small mention of suicidal thoughts in thr past

So like i maybe go off like a villain here. Sending herw to send link to my megamind server buds. Uhm but yeaaa sorry if u didnt realize yet i can be quite crazy when it comes to real assholes like this guy. And i have no love whatsoever for child abusers /manipulators in anyway, shape, form or fashion.

Background: Only mental,emotional financial and phsyical type of abuse happened to me. Nothing rated M/E other then objectification for modeling. I have adhd and possibly many others including autism,anxiety, and recently thinking cptsd

Uh rant below

[[MORE]]

:readmore:

||So like TELL ME WHY this mans asked me TWICE NOW trying to bribe me to vome home and take care of his dumb ass

He has no working arms and i feel b

Pity im not completely heartless but i also laugh my ever fucking ass off cuz its his own karma hitting him

Its been damn near 3 years (1.5-2 since his accident) and hes STILL TRYING TO MAKE ME COME BACK

BITCH I RAN AWAY WITH 8 SUITCASES AND NOTHING ELSE WHYYYYYY

WHYYYYY WOULD I COME BACK TO UR NARCISSITIC MANIPULATIVE ASSANINE BULLSHIT

UR BEING SWEET and adoraaable and all "ohhh i love u princess. I wish u back princess. Im cryinnnng princess. Ill pay u 3600 a month! Ill pay 4000! A month!"

NO

NO

NO

I COULD BE PAID 14 GODDAMN GRAND A MONTH UR A LIAR

U will absolutely become a hellish monster again once im back in ur clutcges and im honestly cackling like a sociopath

This fucker has made me go full sociopath anime villain ass tendrncies. 0ne wrong step and i couldve been goddamn loki or deadpool in the real world im not kidding!!

If i got STUCK in the pandemic with this HO one of us would e died

One of us wouldve died.

I mainly kept tellin the doctors to leave him alive cuz i felt bad. I knew hed want to. I need SOMEONE to take care of the house (im broke af) and i wanna get life insurance to get i dunno 1k, 10k, 50k, 100k SOMETHING out of him.

And hes useful in helping me with grocery and occasional actual money

Just SIGH sighh i do love him

.....Hah Ahahha

Okay i USE to love him. I just feel bad for the guy at this point. He lost his goddamn chance for me to love him when i had to cry my goddamn self to sleep every fucking night of highschool asking Whyyyy the fuck he and mama dont seem to care. Even after saying my suicidal tendencies. Even after so many instances of me being angry beyonf measure. So many instances of abusing me even after mama (gramma) died. Even to the point where i legit was feeling insane from LACK OF QLEEP CUZ HE WONT TURN DOWN THE STUPID BASS

I cant stannnnnnnnnnnd bass anymore. Any bass in a speaker in a neighbors house i cant deal with.

Ppl yelling at me i cant deal with.

I dont think i can legit EVER fully live on my own without someone to at the least help me take care of thr house, appointments, paperwork and signing up or filling out things and spiders (sever phobia tht he neverrr helped)

Im 90% sure all of my diagnosis are 10000 or more % worse if not outright caused by him besides my adhd and autism

And even after all tht.

Alll the crying. All the screaming silently. All the manipulation. And abuse until he fucked my head around sideways and inside out

HE STILL THINKS ID EVERRRRR WANT TO GO BACK

im on low contact for "wow your life sucks" ahahajaha reasons just cuz i call u a couple times a month or two and we get along on the phone (cuz i laid down the tule if he starts yelling imma hang the eff up and or he starts blaming me imma sob story him till he shuts up) does not mean i will ever EVER live with him again

And if i even EVER THINK ABT GOING BACK its because i miss my house and old life i can never have and if i ever reallly think abt going back to him. My bog brother. My roommate, my bonus mother and prolly both besties would slap me upside the head or knock me out or tie me down and ask what the ever loving fucks wrong with me!!!

Jeezus christ! "I thought ud at least think abt it!" I THOUGHT ABT it for 23 yeaaaaars before i managed to get away u crazy man

No!

And even if i did I CANT TAKE CARE OF PPL i get grossed out touchin the hair tht combs off when i comb my own head.

I get grossed out at taking care of my own body

I get grossed out or shut down at the littlest of things tht even miss or roomie go WHY ARE U HAVING TRBL. Becauseee of himmmm. He made damn sure i would have to rely on ppl for the rest of my life which sets me up poorly to everrrr take care of him. Id rven told mama someone else would have to take care of herr. Id hire and pay someone but I. CANT. DO. IT.

So boo hoo sad story feels bad man but u made sure id have these fucking problems and dig ur grave and i wanna just scream at him to just lie in it nowwwww but i still need him and need to make sure he wont eff me in selling thr house tht mama for some reason only gave me half of. And maybe bribe him to keep my stuff in storage till im stable with a job again Ugh ;*; ||

Tw manipulative Parental unit bullshit/my sociopathic tendencies towards said parental unit/ and small death stuff in the past/small mention of suicide thoughts in the past

#vent #fuck this guy #fuck abusive parents #children deserve better #im sociopathic sounding just a tad #also a lil villainous

[seraphimsinful]

I need to <3 stop

#help! ahah #i feel like. vile!!! i feel Mean and Bad #im just curled up on the couch . i feel so sick and stupid #i shiuldnt be so sensitive abiut things #i wanna cry and just #idk #i feel dumb and emotional like i just #i cant decide between getting my ass beat up or being held 😀 seriously whats wrong w me haha!!! #i need to shut up and stop talkjng rn #like :) fuck man im going a little nuts!! #sorry. i dunno sorry #sam dont look #idk if he evem checks this but if he does i sure am gonna dissapoiny him #as per usual lmao #i feel so stupid man i feel like an idiot #idk why i thought i deserved anything #like. judas is so nice to me. my dad hasnt kicked me out yet #he shiuld though he rwally should #i could just hear the dissapointment in his voice when he called me like. i really am useless to him #but thats no real surprise iv3 never meant anhthign to my parents #fuck i wishbmmymom would come bafk atleast she paid attention to me in a way o could udrnstand #im so parhetic i wanna just cry #why am i like this whats wrong with me why doednr anyone want me

[hellogoodbye14]

Okay I dunno if you take fic requests but I would love to read one from you based on this prompt 💕💕💕💕

Azriel complaining to Rhys about Nyx bullying him because he keeps asking for hugs and kisses and its harmful to his broody bat facade and "Cauldron Rhys I can't babysit him, HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY NO TO HIM!!!??" while Rhys laughs and the distressing effects of an adorable child on his spymaster.

I m just a sucker for fluff and fun and Uncle Az 😁😁😁

Ask and you shall receive fam ❤️ (also might have gone overboard with this but oh well!)

“Unci Assshh!”, yelled the adorable toddler from across the training field.

Nyx was walking - well more like stumbling- between Feyre and Rhys who each held onto one of his tiny hands to help him balance his walk.

His tiny wings ruffled with each excited step and Rhys just laughed at Nyx’s clumsiness and determination to get to the spymaster.

Feyre and Rhys let go as they neared Azriel and Nyx threw himself at Azriels right leg. Azriel chuckled and ruffled his nephews head. Nyx as usual tried to crawl up Azriels long leg and managed to get to his thigh this time. Azriel gently grabbed Nyx by the scruff of his shirt behind Nyx’s head, like one holds up a puppy. Nyx squeeled with laughter and reached out to play with the shadows around him.

“Hey little troublemaker”, said Azriel as he carefully moved Nyx to his shoulders. The toddler was now joyfully yanking at Azriels hair.

Feyre winced, “sorry Az, he’s been yanking at everyones hair these days.”

Azriel just smiled and said it was no problem at all.

His highlord then gave him a list. Yes a list. One he always gave if Nyx was left with anyone who had to babysit. He had the list at each of the houses. One specifically addressed to every.single.person. To say Rhys was a motherhen was an understatement.

Feyre just rolled her eyes at her mate and motioned Azriel to bend down so she could give Nyx a peck goodbye.

“Be good for uncle Az”

“Unciiii Asssshhhhh!” , the toddler yelled in excitement.

Rhys smiled at his son, “we’ll be back from winter court in about two hours at most. Thank you for doing it again. Oh also under any circumstances NO sugar for him.”

Azriel nodded as Rhys reached up and ruffled Nyx’s hair who in return waved at his father and said “byeee daaaaa!”

Azriel was about to turn and take Nyx flying when he bumped into Gwyn.

“Oh hey!” , but the valkyrie was already cooing at Nyx who now reached out his hands to be picked up by Gwyn.

“Look at you, you little munchkin!”, she grabbed his tiny fist and pretended to munch on them, “oh i could just eat you up.”

Nyx squeeled with laughter.

“Umm.. I’m still here you know.”

Gwyn looked up at a frowning Azriel.

“You get my attention at training everyday, this one is too adorable to ignore.”

Azriel shook his head and rolled his eyes. His shadows as always were reaching out to Gwyn, and Nyx was taking full advantage of it and playing with them.

“Guys!”

Emerie came running out, “we need to go to Illyria for a bit, Nesta says they need help with the commanders meeting.”

Azriel frowned, “Cassian needs me to look over the trainees while he deals with the commanders?”

“Yeap”

“I have Nyx. I can’t train them.”

“He said you only have to stay and overlook it. Give some pointers, not engage them in any training yourself. He’s swamped.”

Azriel reached out to Rhys and Rhys offered his approval to take Nyx with.

Gwyn frowned down at the toddler,

“Will it be safe for him to be there?”

“Feyre says Rhys has a shield around Nyx which equates to the shield around Velaris. Besides he’s with us, it’ll be fine.”

“What did Rhys say?”, asked a surprised Emerie.

Azriel smiled, “He wanted to come back and take Nyx but Feyre told him to shut up and stop being so over dramatic.”

Emerie laughed, “sounds like Feyre. Okay lets go.”

Luckily, the weather at Illyria was on the mild side today, Azriel regardless made sure Nyz was covered and warm. The toddler was taken with Gwyn, not that Azriel could blame him. Any time Gwyn tried to leave the ring, the toddlers face would scrunch up, alerting everyone that he will wail like hell if Gwyn leaves.

Azriel had Nyx buckled and wrapped against his torso, and the toddler squeeled, clapped, and offered “wooaows” at the training illyrians. The illyrians were surprised to see the high lords son but still offered smiles at the toddler, they however turned their gaze away from Azriels stare in fear. Well that was until, Nyx called out and demanded attention, “unciii asshh, kiss”.

The blades the illyrians used faltered at that and gwyn straight up laughed at Azriels red cheeks. He nonetheless couldn’t refuse the adorable violet eyes looking up at him and gave Nyx a peck on the cheek.

The request was repeated another two times, until Nyx started getting fussy. It had been over an hour and Azriel had settled Nyx down on the mat and gave him some snacks. Healthy Rhysand approved snacks. But no. The toddler wanted candy.

“Buddy I have no candy, and your dad said no”

“Unci Ashh pleeease?”

Azriel sighed and looked up at the heavens. He could never refuse this child anything. Lord help him. Where the heck would he find candy in illyria? Gwyn ruffled in her pockets and got out five different candies.

Azriel lifted an eyebrow, “really?”

Gwyn just shrugged, “what.. I get hungry after training.”

“Well aren’t you the answer to all my prayers”

Gwyn blushed at that.

Another hour passed and Nyx was fussy again, Az sat down at the bench and tried to rock Nyx to sleep but the toddler was not having it. He turned around to make sure all the trainees were far away taking their break and looked down at Nyx. He then begun singing light notes of a song Nyx always loved. As he sang, his shadows gently caressed Nyx and soon his nephew was asleep in his arms.

Azriel carefully without jolting Nyx stood up and turned towards the ring. A ring packed with trainees who were gawking at him as if he was an alien. Well they obviously heard their stern spymaster sing a lullaby. Gwyn had returned from Emeries shop with Emerie as well and looked at him funny.

“What?”

She shook her head, “nothing. You have a beautiful voice Azriel.”

Azriel nodded his thanks and felt his cheeks burn.

“I’m taking him to the cottage, are you coming with?”

“Emerie is meeting Mor here in a bit. She’ll winnow us back.” Azriel nodded at the pair and turned to take Nyx inside the cottage. As soon as he got in, Rhys and Feyre had winnowed in.

“Is he okay? Didn’t trouble you too much?”, asked Feyre as she carefully took a sleeping Nyx into her arms.

“He’s fine and he was great.”

Feyre nodded and moved towards the kitchen to warm up some milk. Rhys gave a gentle kiss on Nyx’s head before she left the room.

“Why is there a chocolate stain on my sons mouth?”, said Rhys throwing an accusing look his way.

“Rhys, I can’t say no to him okay?! Its fucking impossible! He looks up at you with his puppy dog eyes and says please and I CANT SAY NO.”

Rhys just laughed.

“No I’m serious! And he is taking my rep to shit okay, I have a reputation to uphold. Everyone was scared of me, NOW THEY LOOK AT ME LIKE IM A CUTE LITTLE BEAR WHO SINGS LULLABIES!”

At this point Rhys was doubled over, holding his hand against his stomach. “Stop! lord this is too good. My high, mighty and terrifying spymaster brought down to a little bunny you said? By a toddler.”

Azriel sniffed, crossed his arms across his chest and rolled his eyes, “I said bear not bunny.”

Azriel could hear Feyre’s laughter from the kitchen as well, “not funny!”

“Oh my gods, its hilarious! I cant even right now”, she called out from the kitchen.

#acosf #acotar #acowar #acomaf #feysand #rhysand #feyre and rhysand #feyre archeron #high lord rhysand #baby nyx #nyx acotar #azriel x gwyn #gwyn x azriel #gwynriel #shadowsinger #nyx like his father plays cupid too #nyx and rhys are matchmaker pros

[thinger-strang]

okay okay centerfold au (like....the song by the j geils band) where billy mas moved out and away from hawkins (he hasnt quite made it to california yet, hes not ready) and hes starting to let himself be gay and think gay thoughts and ya know indulge himself every so often

which obviously means he picks up a magazine from the back corner of the corner store he frequents

he does for something a little tamer, maybe throws in a few playboys just because hes nervous (which doesnt even matter because the cashier doesnt even spare the covers a glance once scanned)

gets home and eagerly flips through it, feeling excited that he can have gay porn out in the open in his living room without fearing for his life

hes mostly just idly looking through it, folding down a few corners of pages he'll revisit when hes in the mood, just kinda reveling in the freedom of it

until

he flips to the centerfold, the showcase, the main event and it's–

"steve?"

billy fucking drops the entire magazine, it lays open, teasing billy with those big brown eyes and tantalizing moles

its a good shot honestly, pretty tasteful, definitely not modest, but billy can appreciate the artful quality

of course not in this moment, in this moment billy is panicking?

who the hell told steve harrington he was allowed to do that?

billy finds himself staring at the photo; steve as the centerpiece, draped across several laps, being groped by way too many hands for billy's liking, steve's got a half hard cock in one hand, the other possessively wrapped around the thigh of a man standing next to him, everyone's sweaty and there's splatters of something all over everyone, and there's hard and soft dicks and muscular legs and soft bellies and flexing muscles but only one face

steve stares at the camera–at billy–with an enticing stare that seems to ask "what are you waiting for?" and the barest hint of a tongue pokes out–

billy cant look away but wants to tear his gaze away to anything else, he wants to memorize the page, he wants to burn it, he wants to frame it, he wishes it never existed, he wants to be in that room

billy thought he was over this silly crush on straight boy steve but heres he is, gripping another man's cock, letting another man's cock rest on his leg, letting other men hold him and touch him

it might be fine if billy hadn't seen steve in years, hadn't seen steve since he left that fucking hellhole behind but no, no!

steve harrington, the man who happened to be the centerfold of the one single gay magazine billy happened to pick up, was his upstairs neighbor

///

billy stares at the ground as he stops to get his mail, hoping, praying, that he'll be lucky and not run into anyone on his way home

prayers not answered

"hey billy, i haven't seen you in a while, you doin' okay?" steve asks cheerfully as he wiggles his own mailbox open.

"yup, doing just fine, thanks for asking" billy slams his box shut and hurries to the elevator without running and jabs the close door button a hundred million times

"woah hang on, hold the door!" steve calls after him, juggling his mail and his groceries that billy somehow didn't notice

steve makes it

fuck

steve's blabbering on about.... something, billy can't hear a word he's saying, he focusing on thinking about anything other than–

sweaty

magazine

dick

nude

moles

dick

dick

dick

billy is begging for any thought, anything, to cross his mind, anything but that stupid centerfold

"hey are you sure you're okay?" steve asks in a far too nice voice

"i told you i'm fine, please just leave me alone?" billy grits out

"i thought we were past all that" steve says in a sad voice

billy sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose

"we are, i'm just having an off day, got this killer headache ya know?" he lies through his teeth

"oh okay, gotcha, i'll be quiet" steve mimes zipping up his mouth

why is that worse why is that hot?

it's billy's floor and he can't get into his apartment fast enough

pulls out his dick and jerks it a few times before cumming right there in his kitchen floor

///

things don't get better

at all

billy avoids steve like the plague, which it wasn't like hung out on the regular, but theyd chit chat in the elevator or say hi when passing each other

so it was just awkward when billy would see steve in the hallway and immediately turn the other way

so it's not that surprising to wake up on a saturday morning to angry pounding on his door

"i'm coming, i'm coming, hold your fucking horses" billy grumbles as he pulls on a shirt and walks to the door

yanks it open to find a grumpy steve with his hands on his hips

"what gives hargrove? you said we were fine yet avoid me any time we so much as make eye contact? did i do something?"

billy has not had enough sleep to handle this conversation

"no you didn't do anything, it's kinda hard to explain just–" billy opens up his door to invite steve in

steve shoulders past billy and plops onto the couch

"coffee?" billy asks as he rubs his eyes

"im good" steve bites out

great

billy rolls his eyes and gets busy making himself a pot, trying to figure out how to say this, what to even say that would make this remotely okay

"oh my god" steve gasps

"what?" billy groans

he turns around and sees steve holding the magazine, clutching it really, something close to horror drawn all over his face

billy left it out on the coffee table as some sort of sick twisted 'fuck you' to neil

"shit shit SHIT i can explain–"

"no no i get it, um... i think i'm going to go, just... yeah i'm sorry i'll just–"

and with that steve was gone

///

this is worse, so so so very much worse

they either need to talk about it or billy needs to fucking find a new apartment

billy comes home after a long day at work to find steve knocking at his door

"hey–"

"jesus christ you scared me!" steve jumps into the wall

"sorry i kinda... snuck up on you, what are you doing at my door?" billy adjusts his backpack

"i, um... i wanted to explain? or talk? i get why you were avoiding me, i honestly forgot that came out this month" steve is twelve shades of the prettiest blush billy has ever seen

"hang on, let's go inside, i don't really wanna talk about this in the hallway"

steve's shoulders relax and he pressed himself into the wall to let billy open his door

steve sits awkwardly on the couch as billy hang up his bag and jacket and starts taking off his boots

"i... don't really know where to start" steve chews on his bottom lip and fidgits with his fingers

"i'm gay" billy blurts out

"what?" steve laughs

"i mean, i have a gay porn magazine, you're all nervous, i figured i'd break the ice?" billy shrugs

steve laughs and looks ten times lighter

"those pictures are older, i did them to help pay some bills while i was inbetween jobs, it was for a smaller thing, a blog or something, i dunno, it payed good so i said yes, i was desperate"

steve tuns his hands through his hair and breathes

"the guy who took the pictures asked if i'd be okay with him selling them to a bigger magazine, he said i'd get half the profits so i said yes"

steve shrugs and looks out the window

"so you just... did it for the money?" billy asks

"yes and no, i'm gay–well not gay, i'm bi but i'm... into dudes and all that, but mostly just to pay the bills"

steve finally meets billy's gaze with an almost scared look but more of a 'what are you gunna do about it' look

a lot like the one in the magazine

"that's cool, pretty brave too" billy says casually and leans back into his chair

"yeah... i'm kinda scared my job is going to find out that my dick is all over a magazine" steve laughs nervously

"you'll be fine, if it helps, you'd make a killing as a porno model"

billy grins wickedly in steve's direction

steve tries to smile back but it turns into a grimace

"i don't think it's weird, by the way... and while i don't think my crush on you from high school has quite gone away, i'm not going to like, make a move ot try to do anything" billy nudges steve's toe with his own

"okay" steve smiles for real this time

"okay" billy smiles back

"you really had a crush on me in high school?" steve smirks

"oh god, yeah, it was so bad, i didn't know what to do so i was just... an ass!" billy laughs

steve laughs along too and it's just comfortable, more comfortable than they've been ever

"do you wanna go get dinner?" steve smiles lopsidedly

"what!"

"like a date, do you want to go on a date with me?"

"it won't be weird?" billy asks earnestly

"not unless you make it weird"

billy grins and stands

"then let's go on a date!" he hold out his hand an hauls steve up

///

they're walking in comfortable silence, bumping into each other's shoulders, trying to make the other drop their left over box

they get to billy's door and kean against it, very much in each other's space

"you wanna know a secret?" steve asks with a mischievous glint in his eye

"sure"

"i had a crush on you in high school too" steve smiles and rests his forehead against billy's

"oh yeah!" billy leans into steve's touch, their noses bumping

"hell yeah" steve closes the distance and presses a soft kiss into billy's lips

#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????!!!! #harringrove #fic #my writings #lemons #yes but no but also yes #dont know where this came from GOOD NIGHT

[blacktofade]

Hi!! for the prompt thing!! ryan getting so caught up with other things that he doesn’t realize shane is slowly slipping away ?? im really into angst with happy ending or hurt/comfort bc im a cotton candy that cant handle too much angst but it’s really up to u!! ☺️☺️☺️

Boy am I late with this one. This isn't even what you wanted, because I like Ryan calling Shane out on his shit.

CW: smoking. Also, pandemic? What pandemic?

*

Shane’s leaning against a retaining wall in the parking lot when Ryan eventually comes to find him. He takes another drag of his cigarette and watches as Ryan steps out of the building, tucking his hands into the pocket of his hoodie and drawing his shoulders in against the cold as he glances around, clearly knowing Shane is nearby, but not knowing where.

When he spots Shane, his expression opens, a smile spreading across his face.

Shane tips his head in acknowledgment, turning slightly to the left to exhale a breath that’s a mix of smoke and condensation.

“Hey,” Ryan says, when he’s close enough. “Thought I’d find you out here.”

Shane knocks ash off the end of his cigarette and offers him a smile. “Needed a break.”

Ryan lets out a quiet laugh. “What, you don’t like the office packed with thirty more people than it can reasonably fit?”

Shane snorts. “You said the more the merrier when we planned this winter party.”

“I think I underestimated things,” Ryan says, his shoulders seeming to loosen, and Shane shrugs.

“I dunno. It seems fitting for our first year.”

Ryan laughs again and nods. “It’s been — chaotic.”

“Understatement,” Shane grunts.

“We did okay, I think,” Ryan tells him, or perhaps tells himself, and Shane grunts again. Ryan lets out a huff of laughter. “What? You’d do something differently if you redid this year?”

“Sounds like a topic for Steven’s next employee survey,” Shane jokes, but Ryan keeps watching him, as though waiting for an answer.

“But would you have changed anything?”

Shane hesitates. “Seems like a loaded question.”

Ryan doesn’t say anything and Shane takes another drag of his cigarette and exhales away from him to be polite.

“You okay?” Shane asks after a moment, because it seems like the right thing to do.

Ryan still doesn’t say anything, but instead holds out his hand, silently requesting Shane’s cigarette.

It’s not a good sign.

The last time Ryan had smoked in front of Shane had been over one too many drinks after contract negotiations with BuzzFeed. Ryan’s hands had been shaking too much to light the cigarette and Shane had needed to do it for him.

Ryan takes a draw, coughing almost immediately and making Shane laugh before he can help himself.

“Smoking��s bad for you,” Shane deadpans and Ryan doesn’t react, but touches a thumb to the corner of his own mouth as though thinking.

He takes another drag, not coughing this time.

“Do you ever feel like you have to choose between things?” Ryan asks, taking Shane off guard.

“Like red or white wine?” Shane tries to joke, but it doesn’t land and Ryan silently passes his cigarette back.

“No, between work and life.”

Shane scratches at his stubble and taps away a little more ash. “If you’re having issues with work-life balance, you should tell Steven.”

Ryan lets out a laugh that sounds slightly self-deprecating. “No, that’s not — that’s not what I mean.”

“Well, I can’t read minds, Ryan.”

Shane takes one last drag of his cigarette and stubs it out against the concrete wall behind, exhaling while Ryan seems to think about what it is he’s trying to say. Carefully, Shane wets his fingers on his tongue and pinches at the end of the cigarette until it’s cool enough to slip back into the packaging to throw away later, and puts the carton in his pocket.

“It's been a really good year,” Ryan finally says after a long moment, though Shane can hear the but in his voice. "But it feels like you’re avoiding me.”

Shane’s stomach sinks. “Avoiding you?”

“When was the last time we did anything outside of work?”

Shane wants another cigarette already, just for something to do with his hands. Instead, he tucks them into the pockets of his chinos.

He doesn’t answer Ryan, but only because he can’t remember the last time.

“You barely even text me unless it’s work related,” Ryan presses.

Shane knows what he’s talking about. He won’t deny that. But it doesn’t make it easier.

“It’s a startup,” Shane tries. “We’re gonna be busy for a while.”

“Shane, don’t bullshit me.”

Shane takes his advice and shuts his mouth.

“Are you avoiding me?” Ryan presses and Shane lets out a sigh.

“If we spend all day working together and hang out after, you’ll get sick of me.”

Ryan watches him and Shane knows he has his answer.

“This is literally no different from what we had before at BuzzFeed,” Ryan points out and Shane shakes his head.

“This is legally binding now.”

Ryan laughs like he thinks Shane is the most ridiculous person ever, which he probably does. “You say that like we got married.”

“We did a little bit.”

“If I have to call you my work husband, I’m going to quit,” Ryan threatens and Shane lets out an unexpected laugh, knowing how much they both hate buzzwords like that.

“Please don’t.”

The silence hangs between them for a moment before Ryan finally asks, “Don’t call you that, or don’t quit?”

“Either,” Shane admits. “Both.”

There’s another long silence before Ryan finally says, “I’m not gonna grow bored of you.”

“I didn’t think you would,” Shane replies with a frown.

“So you just avoided me for other, completely rational reasons?”

That shuts Shane up.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ryan asks, though Shane knows they both already know the answer to that.

“No,” he says, just to clarify.

“Do you want to try using your words like an adult?”

Shane hates that Ryan’s actually in-tune with his feelings. He sighs and shrugs loosely. “There’s more at stake. If we fight — ”

“If we fight, we’ll talk it out like friends and business partners. Or would you prefer we have blowout arguments that ruin both our friendship and our business?”

Shane sighs again, because he knows Ryan is right. Ryan raises his eyebrows like he knows Shane knows he’s right.

“I’m sorry,” Shane apologizes, and realizes after he says it that he actually means it. He’s hated not spending extra time with Ryan, but he’s hated the fear of accidentally losing Ryan even more.

Ryan’s shoulders drop like he’s finally relaxing and he smiles, the blinding smile that he always has for Shane, no matter his mood.

“I wish we’d talked about this sooner,” he admits, “but I could never get you alone.”

Shane rubs the back of his neck and nods. “Yeah, that took some effort. I’m not proud.”

Ryan shakes his head, like he can’t believe the lengths Shane goes to, but he’s still smiling, which gives Shane hope that he hasn’t fucked everything up completely.

“Will you grab dinner with me after work next week?” Ryan asks gently.

There’s a familiar clench in Shane’s stomach — instinctive at this point from trying so hard to avoid everything — but he takes a breath and nods before he can give himself time to back out.

“Yeah,” he says. “We can do that.”

Somehow, Ryan’s smile brightens even more.

“C’mon,” he says, “let’s go back inside before anyone misses us.”

He tugs on Shane’s sleeve, but he doesn’t have to tug hard. Shane follows him willingly.

#thing wot i wrote #prompts 2021 #fic #preslash #shyan #lovely anon

[nagdabbit]

MY GIRLFRIEND'S COMMENTARY WHILE WATCHING HER FIRST AEW PPV

"my entire fitness goal is hook's shoulder-waist ratio, but with taz's extremely dense neck."

"the funniest thing about wrestling is that this fucking company is trying to make something called a stadium stampede sound both cool, AND serious."

gf: "if you cry listening to a crowd sing judas again, im divorcing you." me: "so that means youre gonna marry me." gf: "i've been bamboozled."

about brian cage: "this man is a huge dork. like, literally, i could fit me in him."

"i dunno what it is, but i would die to protect mr. hangman. he hunk, but he also baby."

thoughtfully, "i bet i could just catch you out of the air like that. i mean, i can squat you, i could probably even curl you like that, too."

because she is deeply in wrestling twitter now: "HOOK! babe, look, its hook! hook hive, rise up!"

"what i love about this feud is that all these men are fuckin' idiots. no brain cells, just shoes and fwiendship."

"what do you mean their tag team isn't just the wild boys, wtf? missed opportunity."

"those kicks are ugly, but i would steal them, too, honestly." *thirty seconds of silence layer* "for you, babe. i'd steal them for you, i mean."

"jon, no, the germs, jon, jesus christ, please dont drink that jon you dumbass."

"i love eddie, but i'm pretty sure we should never hang out. too much extremely new york energy, we would get arrested in like ten minutes. possibly less."

"diorsday device is the funniest shit ive ever fucking heard, how goddamn sad is that."

"max caster is gonna get murdered, but i love him."

"i wish bowens and his extremely attractive boyfriend the best in life."

"colt cabana and tay conti are tied for best smile in wrestling, but tay wins because i dont want colt to kick me in the face."

"penta is the only joker i formally recognize."

"today i found out that some people don't like stu and uno, and to them i say get entirely fucked."

after rush came out and i lost my entire shit: "i don't fully understand yet, but i support you." *one minute later* "oooooooooooohh. okay, yeah."

gf: "i enjoy that cody is pushing ogogo by being a dumb bitch with this america schtick." me: "you gonna say that when cody wins?" gf: "...fuck."

"ogogo got that guy ritchie movie ass music you love to see it."

"you were right about cody and i fuckin' hate it."

"aw yeah, its big boi season."

about miro: "i'm very gay, but the thing is, men with extremely jacked traps just do something to me."

"lance changed changed the color of his extensions and i appreciate that." *thirty seconds later* "are those... three crosses? tattooed on his back? jesus doesnt like murder, i don't think he likes murderhawks, either."

"britt baker is the only dentist i want in my mouth. no, wait, don't type that one!"

"oh, fuck, shidas getting teary i'm gonna fuckin cry, oh fuck, i get it now, i'm so sorry i made fun of you, i love her."

"oh fuck, shida knee me directly in the face."

"britt scares me. like the blood drip details on her gear are really cool, but i would legit believe its real blood from her."

"are you really crying about britt and the nice announcer man hugging?"

"hey, quick question, just real quick while ive got you here... why is the emo twink... like this?"

"darby's dad looks like my dad, and i'll never be okay with that."

"i like that darby just yeets himself around like that. he came in like a wrecking ball. a tiny, tiny wrecking ball."

"sting just tossing his son around the ring like that is very good, but, sir, that's bad parenting."

"the thing about sky and page is that these are the suburb guys i beat up at the beach on summer vacation. they have big "i robbed these guys at the pier" energy."

"damn, darby just feels his emotion with his entire face, doesnt he."

"okay explain the gambling thing and WHY it's a thing."

"orange rolling into the ring is so fucking good, that man is national treasure."

after me showing her the video of younger orange cassidy shitfaced and holding a fish for no reason: "i am shocked and appalled that you're only showing me this now."

after explaining the history of the jansport: "the range of this dumbass."

"i get that kenny is good and all, but his hair really fucks me up. it's upsettingly bad and i hope he knows that."

"pac is just. so much muscle. flippy beef man. a meateor." she did specify how to spell it for the joke because it was important.

"that man is a weeb, isnt he."

"something about a man breaking a hold by putting his hands in his pockets really gets me hype."

"fuck just murder omega and be done i hate this, put it on the beef man or the juicey boy already."

"babe, ill be right back i gotta murder this callis bitch."

screaming, "THAT'S MY FAVORITE REF, YOU UGLY FUCK!"

after kenny won: "i fucking hate wrestling, this is bullshit."

"holy fuck, babe, i forgot mark henry was a wrestle boy! i know him from the olympics!"

"hey, is mark henry bigger than large paul?"

"mjf is a dumb bitch and i love him."

"hey, quick question, who thought repelling down the stadium would look cool, they're so far away."

"there's wardlow, my sweet boy. this is cool now."

she laughed for a solid two minutes at tony schiavone saying, "here comes the little guy."

"i fuckin hate hager. kill him wardlow, kill that crispy maga ass bitch."

"okay what's with the chairs." *after a brief explanation of the chairshot heard round the world* "and, like, he can't just pick a new gimmick? it's been two years, bro. move on, shes not coming back."

"okay, i admit that this is great and i love it, kill that old man on the dancefloor."

upon learning this is technically the main event: "you mean it's over after this? theyre ending the show on THIS? not the triple threat match, this?"

"i just noticed mjf's bedazzled jeans, i'm not angry anymore, this is perfect."

"no, more wardlow. gimme the beef."

"christ, sammy guevara is kinda incredible and i'm fuckin angry about it. why cant inner circle be just sammy and santana and ortiz, fuck the other two."

"no, shut up! i refuse to sing along to this! whats wrong with you?! this is a bad song!"

#aew double or nothing #aew #all elite wrestling #brian cage #hangman adam page #jon moxely #eddie kingston #young bucks #the acclaimed #dark order #penta el zero m #anthony ogogo #lio rush #miro #lance archer #dr britt baker dmd #hikaru shida #darby allin #sting #orange cassidy #kenny omega #pac #tony schiavone #stadium stampede #bryce remsburg #wardlow #mark henry #shit my gf says

[contrispos]

Episode 9 - Bounty Lost

[Star Wars: The Bad Batch]

Dave, I will murder you. But like not right now cause I can’t breathe after this episode.

—

DAMN TECH CAN FLY

Crosshair’s scars are gonna be really nasty, I kinda don’t even want to see them after they heal.

Hunter can you worry about your own life please? At least he got the goddamn blaster wound bandaged.

I never thought I would be this excited about Cad Bane yet here we are

Omega really is a little shit, but in a good way

CAD BANE’S MUSIC I CAN’T

STOP TELLING HER THEY ARE GONE, SHE IS A CHILD

But like Cad steps into the scene and just like that it’s a western and I love that he radiates such strong energy

I fucking love Todo

STOP CALLING HER CLONE

NALA SE IS THE ONLY RESPECTABLE GIRAFFE IN HERE RIGHT NOW

EXCUSE ME BITCH????? TERMINATE HER?????

Oh Omega, You sneaky little shit. I know what you’re gonna do

Hunter walks like a fucking gym dude, he has his shoulders all poofed up

Awswwwww RICKA

Omg

Wait

DO WE GET TO KNOW WHY SHE IS SO GODDAMN IMPORTANT

WHAT

SHE IS A FEMALE BOBA??????

HOLY FUCK

OMEGA I LOVE YOU

Todo and Omega are my new favourite duo send tweet

OMEGA YOU LITTLE SHIT I LOVE YOU

Did I mention I love Cad’s boots?

Okay maybe Todo and Cad get the best duo, I dunno

WRECKERS EXPRESSION WHEN HE HEARD OMEGAS VOICE

HUNTERS TOO

HUNTER SHE NEEDS YOU

Why do I love Cad Bane so much all of a sudden?

OKAY NEVERMIND HE THREW MY CHILD AT A WALL

but like,,,,,,,,I kinda like him??

he is mr. confident

also: FUCKING FENNEC??? SHE IS BACK

HOW DOES CAD BANE MAKE AN ABANDONED KAMINOAN FACILITY INTO A FUCKING WESTERN I DONT UNDERSTAND

oh no, cad’s beloved credits!!!

RUN OMEGA

okay I will shut up about Cad Bane but how do I fucking love him now when I absolutely could NOT stand him in TCW

is he ded

it must be hella hard to run with those handcuffs

is that some sort of distant cousin to snoke?

YES GO SAVE YOUR DAUGHTER

Bane’s hat looks really sad when it’s on the floor like that

OKAY THAT IS DEFINITELY SOME SISTANT COUSIN OF SNOKE

that shit fugly

EWEWEWEEEWWWW

THAT IS DISGUSTING

I LOVE WHEN HE SAYS LITTLE LADY

U A GENTLEMAN

hold up

cad bane without blasters? interesting

the lesbian goddess vs. the blue twink: who will win?

I swear Omega just gets cuter by the second

OH NO IS MY CHILD LIMPING?????

I love her

I am in love

HOLY SHIT IS HE GONNA DIE

no okay nevermind

I TOLD YOU HIS BOOTS ARE AMAZING

Cad Bane without a hat? Interesting

no the pod is failing

shit

stop

shit shit shit

THAT IS A SHIP IF I’VE EVER SEEN IT

BADBATCH BADBATCH BADBATCH BADBATCH

PLEASE BE THE BATCH I AM BEGGING YOU

YES

WRECKER

RICKA

YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS

AAAAAAAHHHHH

I CANT

STOP BUT LIKE DONT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

SHE GOT A HUG

THAT WAS A HUG

I WANT A HUG TOO

I want Tech to hug her

HUH

GASP

SHE IS CRYING

HUNTER FUCKING HUG HER GODDAMNIT

STOP CRYING

HUNTER BE A GOOD FUCKING DAD AND HUG HER

BE LIKE CUT

Yes mom that is true

Bane is coming

BANE IS COMING

MAKE THE JUMP TECH GODDAMNIT

Oh

What

how is the ship not working???

was is fennec?

IT WAS FENNEC

why tho?

okay THAT is Nala Se

OMG

YES NALA SE I KNEW I COULD TRUST YOU

KEEP HER AWAY FROM LAMA SU PLEASE AND THANK YOU

wait

is fennec’s job to not get Omega?

WRECKERS TIRED SOUND

AHHHH

WHO IS SNORING???

TECH????

I AM DEAD

TECH IS A SNORER

tech is a snorer…

TECH IS SO FUCKING CUTE WHEN HE IS SLEEPING I ACTUALLY CANT HANDLE IT

OMEGAS LITTLE SMILE AS SHE PASSES HIM

I COULD DIE RIGHT NOW AND I WOULD NOT BE MAD CAUSE I WAS BLESSED BY TECHS BEAUTY

i will shut up about tech now

im sorry

one question: where the hell is echo?

*CUE A SCREECH WHICH CANNOT POSSIBLY BE INTERPRETED INTO TEXT*

HUNTER YOUR DAD IS FULLY SHOWING RIGHT NOW

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THE ONLY THING MISSING IS A FUCKING HUG

alright Dave I thank you for this slightly less angsty episode, see ya next week when I will probably have to sue you again

#bad batch crosshair #echo #crosshair #wrecker #bad batch omega #omega #bad batch wrecker #bad batch echo #echo bad batch #wrecker bad batch #crosshair bad batch #omega bad batch #tech #bad batch tech #tech bad batch #hunter #bad batch hunter #hunter bad batch #bad batch spoilers #bad batch #the bad batch #star wars

[daaziscoolbesties]

[REPOST] MY 2K WORD COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS OF RANBOO’S LORE STREAM

‼️‼️This post contains lore spoilers from Ranboo’s 4/23 stream, “The Enderwalk Saga. Chapter 1: The Lessons”. If you haven’t seen that stream don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers‼️‼️

disclaimer: this isnt really an analysis as much as a bunch of commentary and half-baked theories.

-on the way to the mansion he was sort of talking to himself saying stuff like "i'm good i'm good" which m a y be a normal thing but also maybe it's not and it flew over our heads cause he talks to chats and donos like that so often

-again, this one may just be a normal thing but when he was climbing up the stairs in the mansion looking for foolish, he repeats some of his words like down to the exact same tone of voice and everything. 12:42,  "this mansion is way too big actually. this mansion is way too big actually." (why the repeated actually? seems odd to me but again it might just be a normal thing that i haven't picked up on). (right after) "okay okay lemme find him lemme find him" again repeated words in the e x a c t same tone.

-does everyone know about ranboo's silk touch hands ability thing? or was that just a techno and ranboo main character moment. bc if it was, how would foolish know that ranboo could pick up the full cake after it'd been partially eaten. unless everyone on the sever knows about that in which case this means nothing. but if they d o n t know... how would foolish know? ranboo wrote about it in the do not read book so maybe if it's not a publicly known thing maybe foolish got his hands on the book and read it??

-14:53-ish, they're talking about the war room and how it was for tubbo or whatever and ranboo says, and i quote "he prepares for lore but he's never gonna do it." now funny thing is at first i couldn't tell if he said "war" like in reference to the war room or "lore". but after playing the clip over and over i can say with ALMOST 100% certainty that he said lore. there is a definite L sound at the beginning of the word. which either means a) this was a slip up (doubtful bc he said later that there were no mistakes), b) he broke the fourth wall because they were supposed to be rping at that point, or c) i'm completely wrong and he said "war" which leads down an entire other road of possibilities

-15:17 "are you a book reader?" "*checks inventory for do not read book* uh yeah i'd say i'm a book reader-" dunno how i didn't catch this the first time I HATE THAT DAMN BOOK

-15:18 there's blue in his hotbar. where did he get the blue.

-16:40 "it's like a metaphor- i have two minds: i have my normal self, my normal little shift-dancing self, and then the builder one. the builder one is demanding. it's a very demanding mind." ranboo then lets out a weird sigh after this. i feel like what foolish was talking about was an indirect(?) parallel to ranboo in and out of enderwalk, there's how he normally is, trying to do best for others, and then there's enderwalk, meeting up with bad guys and "demanding" things (its very late as i write this i really don't know what i'm talking about)

-17:11 "you have your panic closet" i'm sorry his what now 😀 no but seriously how the hell did i miss some of these

-18:04 "you're asking me if i remember?" very funny ranboo thank you for making jokes in these trying times

-18:25 WHY DID HE GET OUT THE AXE WHEN STARING AT THE BEE

-19:38 why did foolish hold the grass block- most of these observations probably mean nothing but- h u h - is that- i'm too tired for this

-19:54 "i never properly thanked you for the deal you made with me" so foolish got something out of this deal, we're not sure if ranboo did. "the green cardboard box" again do you mean dream's house- but seriously the only people i can think of on the server that are associated with green are dream and sam. and i have no idea what cardboard box could be referring to.  foolish got a lime colored shulker from drista

-20:30 "we're supposed to only talk about it at a certain location" hmm now where would that be? panic room maybe? cause like usually after doing a big thing in the enderwalk state ranboo wakes up in the panic room so maybe?  the deal was that they only talk about it in his house

-21:52 how does ranboo receive(?) the lessons? like are they whispered to him in his mind or is he seeing them as words in front of him like we see? hmm

-"Lesson 14: If you have the opportunity to gain a favor, take it." "gain a favor" don't you usually ask people for favors though? how does one "gain a favor"? anyways i'm pretty sure lesson 14 has to do with the deal foolish was talking about. (the deal explained because i now have info: at some point a bit ago foolish met up with ranboo and asked to make a deal, he'd gotten a shulker box from drista. the deal was that ranboo would have ownership of the box, it would be under his name but foolish rents/borrows it indefinitely. ranboo negotiated that if he took ownership of the box he would get a "war favor"  from foolish where if something happens that creates sides, ranboo can ask him a favor that could change his side. but why would foolish want ranboo to have ownership of the shulker you may ask? well i have an answer for you. a theory actually but still. basically since drista technically isn't supposed to give out shit on the server if someone where to have that stuff then they may get in trouble. foolish wants to be able to use the shulker but if it gets found he doesn't want to get in trouble, so he can blame it on ranboo seeing as it's under his name.)

-22:16-ish "i still have this from when you *can't understand whats said here*" well i guess that sort of explains why he had the grass block? idk man (info update: he had the grass block from when ranboo threw it at him telling him to calm down like what ghostbur does with blue)

-31:35 "i figured out how to cause it" how to cause the enderwalk state

-38:30 "ninety three lessons" I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE KEPT SAYING NINETY THREE AND NOT NINETY FOUR AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY LMAO

-39:01 "it's all for the greater good" okay well when are you gonna start thinking about yourself and not everyone else for once huh. self care bitch.

-40:31 he started holding the axe when he was looking at sam- gonna say it i really don't like that axe ahahah- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE THE AXE IS NAMED "axe of ender" I DONT LIKE THAT I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL

-41:53 is there something?? physically keeping him from telling sam??? or maybe it's sort of like his enderwalk state taking control to make him shut the fuck up??? so many questions and approximately zero answers

-43:18 ranboo raising his voice legitimately scares me 😀👍

-"Lesson 27: Do not reminisce on what you have lost for it will weigh you down." showed up when he was thinking about and REMINISCING about the community house 👀👀

-"Lesson 53: Never fully trust anyone." showed up literally after he said that he thinks he can trust the other people on the server enough to tell them about what he did

-"Lesson 67: Leave no evidence of what you have helped with." this is different from the others because there doesn't seem to be at least a semi-direct connection to it? unless maybe at the time ranboo was near something he may have "helped with"? not sure about this one

-"Lesson 94: DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" yeah yeah i get it i get it he's fucked up some shit in enderwalk i don't feel like analyzing this thanks

-OH OH NOTICE HOW HE SAYS "REMEMBERING" WHEN THE LESSONS SHOW UP. IMPLYING THAT THIS ISNT A NEW THING, ITS HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW HES REMEMBERING IT. MAYBE HE WROTE DOWN THE LESSONS WHEN HE WAS IN ENDERWALK AND NOW THAT HES BEEN EXPERIMENTING ITS BEEN EASIER FOR HIM TO REMEMBER THOSE ENDERWALK MEMORIES

-okokok the experiments are that he's been e x p e r i m e n t i n g on how to purposefully induce the enderwalk state. and we know now that it wasn't from the pain of the water because on the stream afterwords he said that it's caused by the intense fear of something happening. and so the "side effects" of the experiments is that since he's in enderwalk more often(?) he starts remembering more things from it

-OH MY GOD WAIT "there is a reason sam, there's so many reasons, theres ninety three of them" (44:47) WHAT IF EVERY LESSON IS TIED TO A QUOTE UNQUOTE "reason" THAT RANBOO THINKS HES A BAD PERSON/NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP BUT HE SAYS NINETY THREE INSTEAD OF NINETY FOUR BECAUSE THE NINETY FOURTH LESSON DOESNT HAVE A REASON YET/HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT HAVING A REASON

-dude honestly the whole sam part hurts so much this man is scarily good at acting

-46:46 "i cant put you in the prison you wouldn't be able to see michael anymore" bestie that's the point he doesn't want to accidentally hurt michael or tubbo in the enderwalk state—

-okay but there's no way that sam couldn't tell that ranboo was at least TRYING to confess to something- i feel like he definitely knows more than he's letting on because usually like when people do bad shit or admit to doing bad shit he's like in Prison Guard Mode™️ (he literally cut off ponk's arm because he stole some keycards or something) and whatever and idk what he knows but he definitely knows something and is trying to protect ranboo. or he's trying to manipulate him or smth either one works—

-50:38 "you are a good person" "i am?" you can hear my heart shatter. "yes you are" "i don't think so sam" "i do, even if you don't" "i really don't think so" and there it goes again

-51:25 hello badboyhalo i see you to the left of ranboo

-52:44 "but then my curiosity got the best of me" curiosity killed the cat, bitch

-52:54 "there's ninety three, ninety four, ninety- theres so many reasons!" SEE!! NOT ONLY ARE THERE THAT MANY LESSONS THERE ARE REASONS THAT CORRESPOND IM S O SMART—

-52:56 "i don't want to remember anymore!" *quietly brings forth my theory that when ranboo loses a canon life his memory gets wiped*

-53:13 "ive opened pandora's box" isn't the prison?? literally called pandora's VAULT??? so this m a y be a stretch but i'm thinking that maybe this could be taken in the literal sense that he "opened" the prison and let dream out (the sirens at the end of quackity's stream confirm that dream is indeed out)

-53:42 mans just straight up walked through a ghost i—

-55:37 so are we just gonna ignore the eleventh page of the book? "he's alive, but hopefully soon dream won't be"??? alright nevermind it's most likely bc when tommy came back he recruited ranboo in his plan to kill dream

-55:47 notice how he writes "what am i?" as opposed to "who am i?" no elaboration here idk what it could be

-56:08 just so it's clear for anyone who doesn't know- he's wearing armor at this point, and i'm like 90% sure that when he wears his armor water can't hurt him. and i saw someone say somewhere that like with splash potions when thrown it turns into a gas-like thing? so again, it didn't hurt him, he didn't get hurt. he said in the chill stream that he wasn't comfortable making it where his character had to hurt himself to do that. the thing that causes the enderwalk isn't pain, it's intense and sudden emotions like fear and stress. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

#ranboo #ranboo dream smp #c!ranboo #dream smp #dreamsmp #dsmp #dream smp lore #dsmp lore #dreamsmp lore #ranboo lore #c!ranboo lore #lore analysis #commentary #haha funny #shitpost #shitposts #ranboo theories #c!ranboo theories #dream smp theories #dsmp theories #dream smp theory #dsmp theory #ranboo theory #ranboo my beloved #ranboo the beloved #lore theory #lore theories #mcyt #mcyts #ranboo mcyt

[darth-does-stuff]

its ramble time. also yeah this is gonna be p long (hence the word - rambles) and prob talking a lot about patton and janus because i havent talked about them much and i have IDEAS

(also i know i want remy to be involved somehow but i havent figured out how yet. suggestions welcome ghjghjgs)

so thomas and logan are elves, roman remus and virgil are magic users (witches warlocks wizards whatever the word is lmao), remus specializes in wind magic, roman in fire, and virgil in weather. 

the magic virgil uses is often called chaos magic and in order for something to be generally classified as chaos magic, it needs to be unusual/rare, chaotic (duh) or unpredictable, and destructive. (these classifications might change as i think on them more). wind magic is largely argued upon whether it is chaos magic or not, seeing as how it is largely unpredictable and can be seen as destructive, but it doesnt fit the bill with the first one, leading to the arguments. same with fire magic, but they said it was too common for it to be chaos magic. virgil having weather magic means that he can create storms, sandstorms, generate lightning, windstorms, and also able to control (or rather ‘bend’) rain. of course, there are drawbacks and limitations, adding to the fact that virgil has a very hard time controlling his magic and harnessing it, he is not op dw. magic is also very much tied to emotions btw

also ro re and vee have two moms and they are a lesbian couple sorry i dont make the rules

elven lore and shit time - while gold is rare in many places in the fantasy land (i still have yet to decide on a name), in the elven land (i have not decided names for each section either lmao) iron and steel are actually harder to find than gold. gold still holds its own worth, but iron and steel are generally regarded as superior in worth than gold, which is why many nobles possess the material. and ive already explained the left eye crest thing with the elves, their left eye has a shape or crest to it along with a color that glows slightly. the glow can be dimmer or brighter depending on their emotions at the time. logan has a diamond shape to his left eye and a leaf green glow to it, which also happens to be his eye color as well. thomas’ is a heart and rainbow color and glow, while his actual eye color is an almond brown. ill discuss appearances in another post btw. anyways, the elven lifestyle is the most similar to humans, having a battleschool, its system nd shit, etc. although it does differ in terms of ‘rulers’. the humans have a monarchy while the elves rule through a council of 9. (an odd number so there arent any ties) logan uses both a sword and a bow as his weapons of choice. thomas was forced to go to battleschool so he basically just dips as soon as he can after teaching logan what he knows and becomes a healer because HEALER THOMAS 

PATTON AND JANUS TIME PATTON AND JANUS TIME PATTON AND JA

 patton is one of the merfolk, who (in this au) are a species that have two forms. their mer form, where the lower half of them is the mer tail fish tail what the fuck is it called. anyways the color of pattons tail (wtf is it dude) is a desaturated light blue. he has these like ??? spikes?? is that the word? jutting out from his forearms. (at the very least pointy things) and he will not hesitate to use them as weapons. yeah he’s a feral boy. he has some spots of scales on his upper body but they are pretty scarce. in his human form, he just looks like a human i dunno what you expected lmao. in the water his eyes are a really potent blue while on land they are much duller. he can also breathe underwater regardless of the form. patton also cant really will himself to either form, if he wants to be human form he has to be on land and vice versa for the mer form.

janus is a fucking uh,, dude idk the word for it. i guess the general word for it would be dragon but he’s more humanoid than dragon. a cross between the two ig. anyways he has scales on one side of his face, scaly wings because fuck yeah, horns jutting out from his forehead, and more shit that i have forgotten but i know he has it. the scales are a golden color, with warm yellows and light oranges mixed in. left eye has a dragon pupil type thing, like a slitted pupil. fuck i hate describing things ghdgakhgask. im playing around with the idea that dragons can shapeshift but nothing is set in stone with that tbh. most dragon folk are like janus, a mix between dragon and human, and only the really powerful ones are the ones that can actually turn into dragons so thats pretty rare. but fuck descriptions its time for fucking FRIENDSHIP and FAMILY

janus has a little brother whose name is emile and they are 6 and actually pretty shy. it took them a while to warm up to patton but now he literally loves pat and everytime he sees them he bolts over and just gives him a huge hug. patton tries to act all tough but he is so soft for emile there is no denying it and they all know it. jan and emile have an agender parent and a genderfluid parent. agender parent uses xe/xem btw. 

patton has a mother and never knew his father. he and his mother have a rather,,, distant relationship i suppose. his mother is in the royal guard so she is called away often (though it does not excuse the neglect in the slightest) her and pat just mutually acknowledge that they both exist and go about their day. one day pat confessed to jan that he never really felt that they were his mom, more just a person who birthed him. one time in a particular bout of drowsiness, patton confessed that janus and his family were the ones that he truly considered family. janus got choked up and was like ‘shut up you bastard im supposed to be tough /pos’ 

the first time janus showed him how he could get rid of the dragon aspects of himself for a limited time, patton literally took one look at his human form and shouted ‘what the FUCK’ and janus was like ‘IVE SEEN YOU CHANGE FORM BEFORE WHATS YOUR DEAL’ and patton just screams ‘THIS IS FUCKIN WEIRD’ (all /lh) janus and patton get up to so many shenanigans its a wonder they havent gotten caught yet lmao

patton, once again in sleep deprivation cause thats the only fuckin time he’ll confess anything about his emotions, told janus that he was his first friend and that he was so scared to mess it up when they first became friends. he’d spent most of his life alone and always in this state of just,,, perpetual anger, bubbling right underneath the surface with no way to escape. it led to him getting in a lot of fights and just lashing out, especially at people who tried to become his friend, scaring them away. when janus came along and stayed, he said it was the best thing that ever happened to him. he finally had a friend. even when he lashed out and retreated back into himself, putting up those walls again, janus still stayed. he helped break those walls down bit by bit, helped patton with his anger issues, helped patton realize that janus was here to stay, and that he wasnt leaving.

if you cant tell, i love them sm ghdgaskgjs

#when i say ramble time i mean ramble time #oh boy here come the tags #sanders sides #tss #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #ts logan #ts virgil #ts patton #ts janus #ts roman #ts remus #i really want janus or patton to be aro #but i dunno which one #hm #fantasy au #emile sanders #remy sanders #ts remy #ts emile #platonic prinxiety #platonic dukexiety #platonic creativitwins #platonic moceit #moceit #platonic ofc

[tigerdrop]

Something in me tells me I shouldn't enable you to write horny shit, but let's be honest, we want to see it. I'm rather curious of how you're gonna process that scene and make it horny, literally been wondering since I first saw it. I feel you're gonna give me another disease and I don't know how to feel about it.

god ok this is like string of consciousness shit b/c my brain is spinning at 5000 rpm and you know whats gonna be under this readmore so dont bitch at me about it. dont look at this dont read this im sorry

like not to be a freak or anything but also the bit where benreys keeping him stuck in the stall. that had horny energies to me

makes it so that benrey shows up just like half a minute earlier and gordons bladder-shy so he cant actually fuckin finish the job while benreys in there........dudes been waiting for a month okay hes gonna have a hard time 

i really do want this bitch to call gordon a dirty lil boy and make fun of him for the mess he made but for . you know. that reason. THE reason

want him to be like "clumsy, arentcha" when gordons struggling to undo his HEV suit b/c his hands are shaking so bad from the desperation.......pressing gordon up against a stall to do it for him while hes begging benrey to hurry up, its his fucking fault that gordons like this 

utterly obsessed with his suit starting to suck him off when hes in situations like this b/c it detects the elevated adrenaline and heartbeat and him getting a little hard from being pushed around like this and it kicks in automatically

especially b/c it makes it that much harder for a dude to relieve himself......its agonizing

"some kinda science......genius.......you are. cant even get this thing off yourself.......maybe you shoulda gone to........piss school. for idiots" 

cue high pitched, nervous, horny laughter like what the fuck is he saying. IM GOING INSANE THINKING ABOUT ALL THE NERVOUS GIDDY LAUGHTER IN THIS SCENE

telling gordon not to look and making him go stand in the corner but hes too fucking stupid to just go into the stall and take care of business

doesnt even think about it b/c his hearts pounding so much from benrey showing up for the first time in ages just to bully him in a fucking theatre bathroom.......and he likes it whats his problem

gordon just like "okay, fine! ill just, take care of business in here" once benrey bullies him to go into the stall........and benreys like, haha, what? and opens the door just to fuck with him.....and when gordon is like "oh my GOD fine fine fine ill get out" benrey shuts the door on him again and hes so caught up in playfighting with benrey by trying to open the door and having it be shut in his face again he forgets that he can just take a piss now if benreys trying to hold the door closed

IM GOING INSANE. THE PLAYFIGHTING. IT WAS SO MUCH

JUST HAVING SOME GIGGLES WITH THE GUY I INSIST IS MY ENEMY WHILE WERE TALKING ABOUT PISS IN THE BATHROOM 

i just auggufhughfugh i cant get over all the GIGGLING.......like......both of them knowing What This Is and gordon still tittering like a fucking schoolgirl the whole time b/c hes nervous but its like a giddy nervousness. he likes being fucked with

and like......the way gordon goes along with everything benrey says so easily.......it feels like. it feels like a Kink Scene. like they Discussed it

thinking about. benrey really taking his time undoing those latches. making gordon squirm and bitch at him to go faster. "maybe you should, uh, ask nicely, huh? like a good boy?" and gordon has to wrench his eyes shut from how hot that gets him. and thats what gets him to finally say "please hurry up benrey oh my god" and when benrey finally gets him undone he just.......stands there. watching. doesnt pull off the codpiece or anything, just leaves it like that. and gordons like "uh okay can i. can i go now please" benreys just like "i dunno man......can you? you really gonna show me your meat like that? thats nasty" but hes grinning the whole time he says it

and tl;dr he gets gordon to take it off right there and show off his dick (which is, uhh, painfully hard from all the sucking-off his suits been doing) and gordons like "jesus christ ok you got to see my dick and you got to jerk me around. what more do you want" and benrey. touches it. grabs it in his hand. and just casually admits "i wanna see you piss yourself man" outright and gordon nearly passes out b/c half his blood is going to his face and half to his dick and none of its left in his brain

cue more of that high-pitched nervous laughter b/c haha, what

"im-- im not gonna do that, man, thats-- thats gross. and especially not when youre-- when youve got your hand on my dick, jesus, theres like 6 urinals in here you can just-- you can just watch if you wanna be fucking weird" and benrey just shrugs and is like "yeah i know thats kind of the point" WRT touching gordons dick right now

the struggle between "liking to do what benrey tells him to do" and "feeling humiliated at the thought of not just pissing himself in a perfectly good public restroom, but doing so while benreys grabbing his dick and calling him a nasty little boy and starting to stroke him off" making gordon fucking combust 

and eventually gordon slams his head back against the stall wall and is like, "fucking, okay, jesus, but i cant just-- i cant just do this shit on command, okay, i dont know" b/c he had never envisioned that it would come to this and the way benreys talking to him right now makes it a hell of a lot easier for him to just.......follow benreys lead and do what he says

benreys like "i got time bro. you might wanna hurry up tho, somebody could walk in here, like, whenever. you really want tommy to see you like this? kinda sick, man" and gordon makes a desperate sound b/c no he fucking does not and the humiliation is so real that its turning him beet red 

so. you know. you end up with. gordon actually trying really hard to piss himself. benreys encouraging him and bullying him at the same time and he really wants to do what benrey says right now

but hes struggling against both his boner and his bladder-shyness so its not just like he can instantly make it happen......so benrey maybe.......slides his other hand up under the HEV suit. presses down right at the base of his stomach

and gordon whimpers as thats just the impetus he needed to finally let go......and it takes so fucking long even though hes not trying to hold it in in the slightest......and thats when benrey finally calls him a dirty lil boy and tells him to look at the mess he made. stroking him off even more while he does it

i just. i really want gordon to actually be trying to piss himself for once b/c benrey asks him to,

OKAY. BYE. BYE. BYE. I HAVE TO GO

#asky #writin stuff