seraphimsinful

[seraphimsinful]

Finding old things from childhood when your childhood was filled with torment is another type of torture.

#im gonna *** #vent #hashtag trauma or whatever

[seraphimsinful]

Sometimes i feel a great emptiness in me that doesn't go away. I forget it is there and then it arrives again and i get too scared to try and figure it out. I should have these things under control, right? I should know what to do? But i don't. I feel lost. And confused. And scared. I don't know when i lost my grip on this all, but i did. And now i feel like im just treading the water until i get dragged under again. I really do feel like out of place just like a dislocated bone. A broken nose. Slipped hip. Sore shoulder. I'm tired. I want a good day. I just want one good calm day.

#-j.l. #whatever

[seraphimsinful]

I want to stop feeling useless. I want to stop feeling like I'm being replaced in all these little ways. Certain things hurt me beyond words, and i don't know how to fix it. Or what to do.

#am i destined only to live and exist for pain? misery? #-j.l. #whatever

[seraphimsinful]

[seraphimsinful]

i was in this same exact position a year ago and i’m still just as sad. i absolutely hate that for me

[seraphimsinful]

Physical ab.se.

Really wish we could just have a normal home life. Wish ee werent on our 20s still being hit and bersted and trested like an actual punching bag when we open our mouth. Wish we wrrentso opinionated. Wish iy wss easier to navigate these feelings.

#feel selfish #i want help. j wsnt comfort. i want to be safe #i want to be held #i wsnt more thsn just a well wish. i wsny more #i just. csnt help not feeling like people would be less burdened if we didnt exisy anymore

[seraphimsinful]

Wish the torment would stop 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[seraphimsinful]

yall mind if i preemptively grieve what i still have yet to lose

[seraphimsinful]

yall mind if i preemptively grieve what i still have yet to lose

[seraphimsinful]

yall mind if i preemptively grieve what i still have yet to lose

[seraphimsinful]

yall mind if i preemptively grieve what i still have yet to lose

[seraphimsinful]

yall mind if i preemptively grieve what i still have yet to lose

[seraphimsinful]

yall mind if i preemptively grieve what i still have yet to lose

[seraphimsinful]

yall mind if i preemptively grieve what i still have yet to lose

[seraphimsinful]

If you have a big, emotional, self hating meltdown every time someone tells you that you hurt them or crossed a boundary of theirs, then that means you’re not a safe person to say no to - and that’s something you need to work on. Even if you’re genuinely just really upset that you hurt someone, if every attempt at communicating a boundary to you results in the person you hurt having to repeatedly reassure you that you’re not actually a bad person, then you need to work on controlling yourself and taking constructive criticism.

#🤎 #posts that make us so upset we cant stop shaking

[seraphimsinful]

Whatever. I'm exhausted. I'm worn. I'm not worth this effort. I can't be good for you. I can't be what you need. My heart is rotted in my chest and there's no way to be close to me without others letting you know its doomed.

#🌕 #i hate tagging. i don't know why i have to do it.

[seraphimsinful]

And you know What? I don't think it's fair you can tell me to my face that everyone thinks im some volatile animal that you get praised for entering its cage. I dont need to know everyone else thinks im unlikeable. I don't need to know that you need permission to talk to even talk to me like im some inmate or patient thats in a program where if im good enough or on my best behavior i get to have a friend. Maybe i dont want a friend. Mayne everyones right and theres always going to be this invisible timer that goes off and i get bad and mean again and youll see im not worth it. Maybe i dont deserve connection just like everyone else says. If its such a burden to even be my friend why are you here. Maybe it hurts to hear how many people believe im some volatile monster and that no one has faith in me. Besides you. Cause you're a saint. I should be thankful. Should be on my knees for you begging forgiveness. But i wont. Do you even see me as a person? As someone besides the pity case youve picked up? Maybe im overreacting. But i feel just like that. And if you fucking cry cause im upset youve sqid hurtful things then fuck you too because ive never been ablr to express how i feel without it getting thrown back at me. Damnit.

#why am i trying. i should leave again and never come back. #i dont even know why im here. just to suffer? to feel my nerves raw against the wind? #🌕