#sorry for the negativity guys. i just really needed to vent this out somewhere | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

capnkerfufflez · 4 months

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I contain multitudes, so i made a uquiz for some of my quintessential sonas for fun

i dont really expect people to take it, but man i love an excuse to draw some of my boys i don't give much love to brief descriptions and the result descriptions under the cut

here's the link outside of just embed btw : https://uquiz.com/hkfS0R

in image order and i marked the number and color of the background above we have :

1 [red] E : non-fandom sona I use to vent mostly - "Conceptual Chaos Junkyard" / "CC Junkyard" so he's mostly negative traits of myself turned up to 11. He's the overly emotional and sentimental and over-reactive side of the duo between him and G.

"[[ oh baby girl, I'm so sorry for you, get some help ]] Everything you've ever done blows back up into your face, you don't know what you're doing wrong?! Or well, you've figured out a few things wrong with you, but you can't figure out how to fix those things about yourself…"

2 [red/orange] Knox S. Consumer : kinda a minecraft sona? - "What's Minecraft is Yourcraft" / "Yourcraft" He's in general a minesona, at least when I first made him. In Yourcraft he is the sona/character version of an oc that's a minecraft youtuber/streamer and who is very distinctly not me, so Knox falls into an odd character category where's he's both my sona and an oc's sona. He's an old grouchy wizard type, but breaks character often to help friends

"[[ you may think im stretching on this one, but i assure there's more obscure ]] You know so much yet so little. The type of guy that can recite so many video game lore details and fun facts across all subjects, but will fail to realize that they really did mean it calling it "cream cheese," it is actually a cheese. You are very smart though, with your intelligence only rivaled by your stubbornness."

3 [red/pink] Dong : pokemon not a big surprise, but he's a pokesona of sorts. He's a Mareep that's specifically paired with my friend's Wooloo "Ding," he's somewhere between a pokemon in the anime and pokemon mystery dungeon in terms of personification, he's very bitey.

[[ haha dong ]] Lil gremlin guy. You're the typa bitch to fucking taunt people bigger than you and when they get pissy you go 'oh im just a lil guy a lil birthday boy.' All talk no bite. well, maybe a lil bite, like consensually or deserved.. BUT the point is you take no responsibly of the misdeeds you may or may not do !

4 [orange] Bibbly : double life / life series Bibbly is the character I made soulmate's with my friend cause we were watching other people make sona's and pairs with their friends too. Bibbly is based off of a drawing I did based on a more literal interpretation of one of my minecraft skins (specifically my 453 skin), "Bibbly" coming from "Biblically accurate." Personality wise he varies a lot cause in conception and most practice he is an utter coward, very reliant on my friend's character, though in other interpretations I make him a lot more jaded and no-bull shit but also those are usually what is supposed to be later in his development and/or away from my friend's character

[[ telephone game of sonas ]] You are a recursion of self analyzation. You try to map out your intricacies only to have your theories on yourself become rules. And once you've realized its a set habit of thinking. You know trouble and you avoid it the best you can.

5 [muddy yellow] Clart : minecraft sona ? - "What's Minecraft is Yourcraft" / "Yourcraft" Similar case as Knox, where Clart is my sona and the sona of one of my oc's who isn't me, but for Clart he and the oc, they align closer with who I am so it's not quite as weird a case. Clart is very easy going and cares a lot, he isn't particularly notably in Yourcraft as he's not really someone who develops more a character that help's the other characters develop

[[ straight up gooping ]] You just want a break, things to be nice and easy and do menial tasks and be with your friends. You give all you can, not because you feel you need to, you just want to and you can. You know pain and cruelty, you choose to be kind.

6 [yellow] [453>- / 453 / The cooler Casey : a general sona He's a more stylized, exaggerated version of myself and usually a lot more malicious for the fun of it. In his "lore" he is a shapeshifting sand.. thing, it depends on the specific backstory I'm going with. He is generally very energetic and bitey and evil for the sake of it cause man villains are fun when they are having fun and he is having a blast

[[ creature !! ]] You are the coolest sexiest mother fucker out here! or you sure pretend to think so. A whole fucking jaw breaker flipping between god-complex and inferiority-complex, who knows what's at it's core (probably inferiority). You love to be an edge case, probably the type of guy to make a fan character concept that's over done but do it with a twist. No fear of ocs coming off like a mary sues just cause YOU know how cool and really clever they are really even if they give a bad first impression.

7 [lime/green] Casey : general sona / how i draw myself This is just me, like, just how I draw myself, it's as general and genuine as I can manage which my not really be all that accurate maybe but oh well

[[ oh fuck u are just like me frfr ! or like at least closest approximation ]] You are only human. You love your friends more than the world and you try to be worth all you're given. You have some self esteem and self image issues, but maybe if you shove your ocs full of enough of your issues you'll solve some.

8 [green?] Caddle : general sona / fursona / the one i use for sexual stuff Caddle is a cow-adject shapeshifter. He is the sona I use the most when it's anything sexual, usually paired with my partner's fursona, but he's supposed to have other buddies too that I never really draw. I've got complicated feeling on sexual stuff and myself in relation to it, so he gets those feelings dumped into his character too. But aside from that he is a fun character especially to draw cause inconsistency is baked in and I love him dearly, he is very lazily chill with a big heart, he's also a rodeo clown even though i dont draw a full on clown get up for him much

[[ honka honka we got certified clown ova here ]] You are silly, a goofball even, one may even argue a jokester. You may present all goofs, gafs and dick jokes, -and by all means you do genuinely loving goofing gaffing and dicking- but you are a person with complicated wants and thoughts and feelings. Wants and thoughts and feelings you hold close to yourself, you do not know how to voice, so more often than not, you don't.

9 [bluish green] Gilon Kurt : lesser sona Gilon is a sona that I made just on a whim off of a twist on my name with "fluffle" being a the name for a group of rabbits, he's "Capn Kerfluffle." And then I made him a rival to my main fursona in their story and he gained a personality outside of me as they so often do

[[ rage rage murder rage !!!! ]] You have worked so hard for what you have and yet it is never enough. There is always something else to achieve more to earn, people clawing for what you have. You can have no peace nor solace, relax? chilling? never heard of her!! There are experiences to be had!! People to meet!! Friends to continuing loving!!! And you'll fight for it all, fight until you die!!

10 [cyan] Yeode : minecraft sona [real] Yeode my beloved, she is my darling rock-based robot made to search villagers that learns to live for herself kinda. A lot of her kindness and softness and story comes from backstory for just me playing minecraft ig who is a lot less kind in practice.

[[ yippee !!! ^.^ ]] You are a people pleaser to your core! You are born and molded by your attachments and use to others. Even in their absence you still live on for them in part.

11 [saturated blue] G : non-fandom sona I use to vent mostly - "Conceptual Chaos Junkyard" / "CC Junkyard" similar situation to E of mostly negative traits, but the other side of it for the most part. she is full of anger and malice at being stuck with little control over her situation and takes it out on E

[[ oh sweetheart, no ]] You think yourself a "bad bitch" a "girl boss" even. Emotions are not your strong suit. You have a hard time managing your own feelings, let alone dealing with other people's. You may not always be right, but you work hard to try to be.

12 [less saturated dark blue] D. Base : minecraft sona, specifically in magic mods / heavily modded minecraft he came about from when i was testing a modded server with my friends there was something that would crash my game if i entered specific chunks, and in those 'dead' chunks was my silk worms so i made dBase as a character for the friend server and he is supposed to be that glitched silkworm i got in testing, uuh end then that server slowly broke too, so i like to think it was somehow also his fault; while i did get to play on the server i got really into a few magic mods, mainly mana and artifice so he is not only gitchy but a magic man

[[ grub ]] You think of yourself highly, not perfect, but damn good. You've worked your ass off for the skills you've obtained and are happy to show off when they are even slightly relevant. Your "fuck it we ball" attitude somehow works out for you most of the time, though some collateral damage to others.

13 [light blue] Clerk James : fursona / used to be mascot character to note if you see other art of him there is a stark difference between the silly goofy Clerk that's my sona and the asshole angsty backstory version of him before he got so very concussed; current Clerk is very sweet and very dumb, he's the "capn" of a pirate themed ferry though also goes on some genuine treasure seeking adventures pg pirate style

[[ consider it the post-drownings one, don't worry ]] A mix of poor memory, self-doubt, and self-hatred that results in a potent blend of guilt for things you aren't really sure you deserve to hate yourself over, being it maybe not or fault or maybe never really happened. Aside from that you're upbeat and a bit stupid in a silly lil guy way. You're just a lil guy!

14 [purple] Cassio Inerta : homestuck / trollsona - "retroll" he is baby, very sweet and well meaning but oh so very problem avoidant and low empathy mostly from being sheltered; in retroll he is canonically in-universe a self insert of myself watching the plot go down and has a made up boyfriend given to him who loves Cassio by virtue that is what the boyfriend was made for, but kinda just puts up with Cassio, a projection of how i felt and feared in some previous relationships

[[ explicitly cannon self insert huh ]] You are a suckerrr for romance. You want and want and want so badly and you feel and in every instance you are given a taste it feels unreal. it feels unearned. It feels disingenuous. But you need it so bad. You don't know shit about anything, so terrified to fail you're terrified to try. But little by little you keep trying.

15 [magenta] Carcumber : a sona based off of my friend's previously-main sona's species so my friend's main sona and mascot character was a "lavamander" though the species had other character with other elements such as ice and sound waves and species had name trope of two favorite foods combined; Carcumber's name was Carrot + Cucumber but my friend changed main sonas and has since renamed most to just a single food name hence the opening statement for the quiz, i dont remember if he had an element associated, if he did i think it was "cart" or "car" or "money" or something stupid like that, and his is a used car salesman, similar energy and pathetic-ness of spamton

[[ oh man do i gotta change his name now that's that not the naming scheme? ]] You are passionate about everything you do! Cause if you aren't you don't do them! You exaggerate yourself to the point the mask becometh you.

god ya that's a lot of em and i have more sona's than just that, but most fall similar to others or i dont use enough to care

if you read it all thanks so much i love u :D

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xoxo-teddybear · 3 years

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He’s Lost - Bakugou Katsuki - Part 1

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings - Angst, Physical Harm, Cursing, accused Cheating, Katsuki’s insecurities

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

A/N: This is my first writing piece but this has been stuck in my mind since v-day is coming up so I had to get it out. Plz enjoy!!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Summary: Y/N is so busy around Valentine’s, her lack of attention towards her Pomeranian is causing him to freak out and do the worst of the worst

Love is in the air! The birds are singing, The breeze is blowing, the setting sun is shining, and the explosive teen is.....well, bruting.

Can you blame him though? Y/N’s been a little distant ever since February started. Even right now, instead of enjoying their time together in a quiet park, she’s staring down at her phone doing who knows what.

Why? Was he not good enough? Has she gotten tired of him? They’ve only been together for a little over a year. Is she talking to someon- no. Katsuki stopped himself from thinking like that. There’s no way his precious teddy bear would ever do that. Not only that, he was the best there is. Why would she even try to go?

“You dumbass. You’re missing this.” Bakugou sighed. “Huh? What? Missing what?” Y/N looked around looking for whatever “this” was until Bakugou grabbed her chin to force her to look him in the eyes. “THIS DUMBASS! US! You’re so focused on that dumb phone. Jeez, can’t a guy just get his girl’s attention.” Bakugou said dramatically.

It wasn’t that Y/N wasn’t giving him attention, it’s that it wasn’t the same. Yea she right there snuggled into his arm. And yea she was petting his hair just the way he liked. And YES, she was peppering his face with kisses from time to time. But it all felt off? Like only half her energy was put into the love and affection.

“Suki, aren’t u being a little dramatic. I’m right here with you baby. I’m sorry if I’ve been a little distracted. Come here dummy.” And as Y/N pulls Bakugou in for a tighter hug all he can do is release a “hmph” while falling into it...until her phone went (ding!) once again. And she went to check it. Once again.

Bakugou was getting tired so he got up and suggested they’d head back to UA. Y/N only got up and began to walk beside him, hand in hand, while still checking her phone time to time. And Bakugou was getting sick of it

*Wtf is she doing on that piece of junk? What could be so important she would half ass our entire evening together? .....Could she possibly be talking to someone else?............no.* Bakugou let those negative thoughts die down as they continued their journey back.

——————————————————————————

A few days later

“COME ON!!” Bakugou screamed as he realeased a blast towards Kirishima. When Bakugou invited him to train, The red head initially thought it was to ...you know..TRAIN. But after some time, the blonde’s best friend began to see the bigger picture.

“Dude. What’s up with you man? We always go full on during training, but it’s not even like you’re trying to hit me. It feels like you’re just taking your anger out on me.” Kirishima said.

“Congrats on noticing shitty hair, I’m glad somebody’s noticing my damn mood.” Weirded out by his friend’s unusual openness, the red head continued to ask.

“So what’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“But you just-“

“NOPE!”

Bakugou exclaimed as he began to gather his stuff to leave the training area. “BAKUGOU!” Kiri shouted. “WHAT!” “.......it’s Y/N isn’t it?”

Upon hearing that, the blonde turned to look at his best friend with this sad puppy dog look. And man, if Katsuki had doggy ears, everyone would see how low they’d go. His best friend didn’t need to see it though, he could tell those ears would be 6 ft under if they were actually there bc there’s nothing hiding Katsuki’s vulnerability when it comes to Y/N. As the two best friends go to sit on the bleachers, Bakugou takes a deep breath before saying his thoughts.

“I think Y/N is cheating on me.”

“................HUH???!!!!”

Kirishima went from “caring and considerate” to “WHATDIDHESAYYY” in seconds. Y/N L/N?? Cheating?? Ok. Y/N was one fiesty girl, and she definitely had sass, power, attitude, and a little mischief, but she also had kindness, compassion, consideration, and honesty flowing though her. Not to mention extreme loyalty. There’s no way.

“Look man, with all due respect, I think you’ve finally lost it.” The red head laughed. “I’m being serious shitty hair.” The blonde stated. “She’s been so distracted lately. She’s always with me but it’s like her mind is also somewhere else. And not to mention that damn phone she’s always on now. She can’t go 30 minutes without checking it at least twice. And not only that, when she does leave to do whatever, she’s gone for hours at a time! What’s a guy supposed to think with all of that?! I mean it’d make sense if she wanted to leave. I get it, I can get loud, and yell, and I get angry a lot but.. she knows I never mean it, right? I call her a dumbass like i do everyone else...ugh but she isn’t just everyone else, she’s my girlfriend and she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.....SO WHY TF IS SHE CHEATIN-“ before the blonde could continue, his best friend cut him off.

“BAKUGOU” “WHAT??!!” “....talk to her.” Kirishima said. “What?” Bakugou asked. Kirishima continued. “Cheating is a real sensitive topic in a relationship. I don’t wanna give my opinion on something that could ruin something amazing. C’mon man, we both know Y/N isn’t like that but who am I to tell you what to do. I wanna help, I do, but I think it’s best if you go to her with all this. Honestly though, if you asked me, Y/N would be the last person I’d ever think of when it came to cheating on ANYTHING. Especially the guy she cares so much about.” And with that last sentence, Kirishima stood up from his spot and pat Bakugou on his shoulder before exiting.

With Bakugou left with nothing but his thoughts and Kirishima’s advice, he left and headed straight towards your room.

——————————————————————————

“Shut up!” You excitingly screamed though the phone. “You really found the last part?”

“Yup, it only took about 6 different stores across the entire city.” Shinsou sarcastically replied. “You owe me.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know and I appreciate it. Katsuki’s gonna love his gift!” You said.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, you’ve been preparing only the best Valentine’s Day surprise for the best boyfriend in the world. You’ve been so busy planning your surprise that I guess you could say you haven’t been giving Katsuki the massive amount of attention he’s used to from you, but you can definitely say it’ll all be worth it when he sees one of his presents that you’ve been working on. A silencer for his gauntlet blasts that not only decreases the volume of his attacks, but also increases his attack power. You remember how Bakugou had vented about his attacks being too loud that they scare people, but when he tried to keep them quiet, the attack isn’t as powerful so saving can be quite difficult. He only spoke about it once, but you could see the look on his face whenever he was out using his quirk around civilians. So why not give him a device that’ll help with his loud little problem. Now were you a support class student who knew how to make support items? Hell no. But were you a loving girlfriend willing to give her man the best Valentine’s Day ever? Hell yeah.

The piece of gear would’ve been easier to make IF it weren’t for a pesky piece of the project getting destroyed by Shinsou after he made Denki electrocute himself while he was right next to your prototype on the table. So to make it up to you, Shinsou went all around town looking for the piece you needed to complete your support item for Katsuki. Finally, all pieces had come together.

“He better. That damn bastard doesn’t know how amazing his girlfriend is. Instead of ignoring his ass these past few weeks, you sent ME to get all this shit for you so you could keep your precious Pomeranian happy.” Shinsou said while rolling his baggy eyes.

As Bakugou approached the outside of your dorm room’s door, he heard your voice.

“You know, you’re so right. That Pomeranian is unaware of just exactly how amazing I am. I really could’ve left whenever but I stuck around.” You snorted. “Well I’m glad I had you with me through it all Shinsou.”

*Pomeranian? SHINSOU?!? Through IT ALL?!?!? YOU WERE WITH THAT PURPLE HAIRED, SLEEP DEPRIVED ASS MIND CONTROLLING FREAK?!?? AND YOU WERE WITH HIM THE ENTIRE TIME YOU’VE BEEN DATING BAKUGOU?!?*

Oh to say Katsuki was pissed was an understatement. He felt all these emotions hitting him all at once. Anger, Disgust, Pain, Betrayal. It all became too much for him before Katsuki ran away from your down with his bed down and silent tears hitting the floor. When he let himself fall to the floor in the privacy of his room he screamed into his hands. His first love, his first real relationship, his teddy bear betraying his love, loyalty, and trust for over an entire year. After hours of crying, Katsuki was able to pull himself into bed. He couldn’t even bring himself to shower even though he spent all that time in the gym with Kirishima. He just wanted to sleep to escape reality. As he looked at his phone, he saw 1 missed call from Y/N, and 1 text saying “Goodnight love💗💥!” Bakugou scoffed at the text. Figuring u must be texting Shinsou the same thing. As Bakugou placed his phone down, an evil thought came to mind. Ruin her.

Bakugou smirked to himself as he had this pyscho and sinister look on his face. He would ruin Y/N. They haven’t officially broken up yet, so he could hurt her just as she hurt him. And Bakugou wasn’t stupid or so he thought he’s aware Valentine’s is coming up, so why not break little Y/N L/N’s heart on a day dedicated to nothing but love and happiness. It’ll be the perfect revenge on a little satin like her. Bakugou finally turned on his side with an evil, satisfied smile, and fat tears in his eyes once more.

——————————————————————————

The next morning, Katsuki got up with a broken heart, but he figured if he wanted his plan to work, he had to fake this smile. Getting up, getting ready, and getting dressed was business as usual, but meeting up with Y/N in the morning was now off the schedule. Instead of going into her room to check on her like he usually does, he just went straight to breakfast and straight to class without speaking to anyone.

With Class 1-A seated and Mr.Aizawa at the head of the classroom, the students can finally start their first lesson of the day. Until, the door slid wide open. There stood an exhausted and quite frankly dishelved Y/N. “My apologies sensei. I was up late last night and overslept. Please forgive me.” Y/N said as she bowed her head in sorry. “Just take your seat L/N.” The tired eye teacher said.

As Y/N walked to her desk, she noticed Bakugou wouldn’t even glance her way. She was a little thrown off since it would be normal for him to at least give her a judgemental look for sleeping in, but no. Nothing.

Bakugou on the other hand was writhing in agony. Oh how he wanted to check on Y/N and make sure everything was fine, but that voice in the back of his head couldn’t help but tell him to ignore her since she’s a cheater. She may have been the girl he’s loved dearest, but she was also the one causing his heart to shatter.

After a few classes, Y/N tried to approach Bakugou several times, but each time he brushed her off. And when the bell finally rang for lunch, you can bet Katsuki was the first one out the door. Y/N followed him of course, in worry and concern.

“Babe! Baby! Katsuuu!!! KATSUKII!” Y/N whined for her boyfriend to at least look at her but once again. Nothing. Bakugou wanted to hug her and hold her tight but he couldn’t. Not after what she’s done. Right before Bakugou entered the cafeteria, Y/N pulled him aside and held onto his wrists.

“Baby? Hey, what’s up with you? I’ve been calling your name and trying to talk to you but you keep brushing me off. You also didn’t stop by this morning. Is something wrong, love?” Y/N was hoping for something. ANYTHING at this point. And it was like the gods heard her prayer because she definitely got....something. “My bad.” The blonde haired boy dryly replied. “....Oh, um, ok suki.” The poor girl just thought her dear boyfriend was having a bad day, so she just left it alone and let him go. But still, even on his worse days he would at least visit her in the mornings. As they sat down with the bakusquad, the entire table noticed how Bakugou sat up and moved across from Y/N after she chose to sit next to him like usual. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, and Kirishima could already feel what had gone down. He at least knew his bro didn’t talk to his girl. Not manly at all.

——————————————————————————

Valentine’s Day

During lunch, Kirishima has finally decided to speak to Bakugou about this whole thing. He hasn’t been getting any updates since their time in the gym, so when it was just him and his best friend having lunch together, he went for it.

“Man what the hell is going on with you and Y/N? I’ve noticed you’ve been avoiding her like crazy,” Kirishima said while stuffing his face, nervous about the answer. “I was right all along.” The blonde sadly spoke. “She’s been cheating on me since the start of our entire relationship. And with that baggy eyed freak from 1-B.”

Kirishima couldnt believe what he was hearing. He almost choked on his food. Y/N was actually cheating. I guess people don’t know people as well as he thought. “.....wow...I’m sorry man.” The red haired friend said. He was at a lost for words and didn’t know what else to say. *sigh* “don’t be. It all goes down tonight.” Bakugou said with a sad smile. “What do you mean?” His friend asked. The blonde looked at him right in his red eyes. “I’m breaking her heart tonight, on the one day of the year dedicated to love.”

Meanwhile

Instead of going to lunch, Y/N spent her time finishing up Katsuki’s surprise in his room. Yeah, he’s been having a bad past few days so why not bring him a smile with these amazing gifts on the day of love. Although Y/N didn’t really feel the love today (due to Katsuki again being so distant and ignoring her “good morning blasty💥💗!” And “Happy Valentine’s Day my love♥️!” Texts) she was determined to make sure Katsuki knew just exactly how much she loved him. She was almost done setting up in his room. Rose petals on the bed, Candles everywhere, 4 different gifts including his new support item made by you, his favorite meal is going to be set here on his table, and you and him together spending every loving second with each other. Y/N didn’t realize that because of her setup, she missed the entire rest of the day. “Meh, so worth it when I see the look on Suki’s face.” Tonight is going to be perfect.....or so you thought.

You didn’t expect to find Katsuki in your room, sitting on the edge of you bed waiting for you with his head hanging low and his shoulders slumped.

*maybe he has a surprise for me....? Yea that has to be it!* Y/N happily thought as she closed the door.

“Suki!! Happy Valentine’s Day!” Y/N said with all the love in her heart as she ran and jumped on the boy for a hug. But Bakugou didn’t say anything. He didn’t move. He just glanced back up at her, giving her this cold stare. Y/N was too busy professing her undying love for her boyfriend to even notice his scary silence. “Suki I’m really glad it’s you who I have in my life,” the love sicken girl bashfully spoke while looking at the ground. “You make me so happy and I feel so blessed being able to spend my life with you in it. I really hope you know just how much I care and lov-“ Bakugou couldn’t listen to this bullshit anymore. He pushed Y/N off of him just before she could say those 3 words that would get him to break.

“Hey! Suki? Why would you do that?!” Y/N exclaimed while standing back up. “I hate you.” The blonde spoke coldly. As those words left his mouth, Y/N heart and world were falling apart. Her eyes went wide open and her jaw slightly dropped. As she was about to say something else, Katsuki cut her off with “I’m breaking up with your dumbass. Right here. Right now!” Bakugou yelled. Y/N was in shock. She felt hurt, pain, she was just feeling so broken.

As tears filled her eyes, she asked “w-why?” as she tried to reach out to him. “Why? WHY?!” Bakugou screamed as he stood up above her slapping her hand away. “THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN WHY, Y/N. YOU’RE A FUCKING CHEATER, THATS WHY!” The blonde yelled in her face. Y/N couldn’t believe it. He thought she was cheating? Why would she even do that? She already has the best person in the world for her so why? “DONT EVEN GIVE ME THAT “it didn’t mean anything, Suki!” BULLSHIT. I DONT GIVE A FUCK, CUZ YOU’VE BEEN CHEATING ON ME AND PLAYING ME FOR A DAMN FOOL THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME!” Bakugou went on as his voice began to crack while tears flowed down his porcelain face. “YOU LIED TO ME. I GAVE YOU MY ENTIRE BEING AND YOU FUCKING LIED. YOU DUMB FUCKING BITCH, I CANT BELIEVE I EVER LOVED A SORRY EXCUSE OF A PERSON LIKE YOU. I HATE YOU SO DAMN MUCH, I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK I SAW IN YOU!” Y/N’s heart hit the ground. No actually, it went 6 ft under because after all that he’s said, her heart is dead. Broken. In agony. “Suki I-“ “DONT FUCKING CALL ME THAT L/N.” Hearing him refer to her with her family name hit so hard. “KATSUKI PLEASE! I DIDNT DO ANYTHING I SWEA-“ as Y/N tried to reach out to him, he interrupted her again and pushed her hand away. “I SAID DONT CALL ME THAT!”

The blonde yelled, except this time....he didn’t only yell. The burning scent of smoke came into his nose and the loud explosion could be heard throughout the building. The product of what he just did came to him. He just attacked the love of his life. As much as Y/N hurt him, Katsuki still loved her with his everything. And the fact that he subconsciously attacked her broke him even more. Y/N’s screams of pain reached his ears, as he looked down and saw his precious teddy bear with a burned arm and fat tears on her face, crying in pain.

Bakugou ran down to her level to try and help her. “Y/N! Hey, hey teddy bear look I’m so-“ Y/N pushed him away before he could continue. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU BAKUGOU?!” Ouch. His family name felt like poison coming from your tongue. “Princess, I’m sorry I didn’t-“ “SHUT UP AND LET ME SPEAK FOR ONCE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” Y/N screamed as she stood up to face him. “I DIDNT FUCKING CHEAT ON YOU. WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THAT WHEN YOU’RE THE BEST DAMN THING THATS EVER HAPPENED TO ME?!..ah!” Y/N was cut off by the stinging of her wound, and Bakugou couldn’t do anything but stare. Y/N grabbed onto her wound before continuing. “I love you Bakugou. I wouldn’t even dream about doing wrong by you. I thought I was a good girlfriend or at least a good person-“ Bakugou quickly interrupted “No! Y/N you are, I just-“ “If I am then what the hell made you even think of me so lowly? What the hell did I do to make you question my loyalty? What the hell did I do that was worthy of you burning my fucking arm?!” Y/N cried out.

Silence fell upon the room. It felt like hours before anybody said anything. Both people had heavy tears in their face now. One crying because he realized he was an idiot and harmed the girl who did nothing wrong, and One crying because she did nothing wrong but ended up being a villain in her loved one’s life. Y/N broke the silence with a scoff.

“You know what Suki?” Y/N said looking him in the eyes. “Yes teddy bear?” Bakugou quickly replied with wide, desperate eyes upon hearing the loving nickname, thinking they would move on from this horrible incident. “Get the fuck out.” Y/N said in a low voice. Bakugou was shocked. He knew he fucked up horribly but after realizing the truth, he can’t leave you! He loves you too damn much for that! “What? Y/N please listen to me, I’m sor-“ “I DONT GIVE A FUCK! Leave..please.” The sad girl cried. Bakugou grabbed onto her shoulders begging her to not end this. “Y/N please! Please princess! I’m so fucking sorry! I’m an idiot, I know, and I definitely don’t deserve you but please I can’t lose you.” Bakugou said with tears falling down his face. “Please don’t do this to us. Please don’t do this to me, I’m BEGGING YOU.” “Bakugou-“ The sad boy cut you off, shaking his head, “ NO ITS SUKI. YOUR SUKI. YOUR KATSUKI.......please teddy bear I need you.......h-here let me help yo-”

You harshly pushed the boy off of you and as he tried to desperately go back to you, you used your quirk to keep him at bay. “Bakugou Katsuki. I’m leaving this room since you won’t, and I won’t come back until I know you’re out of my room.” Y/N began as she looked at him with cold, sad eyes. “From now on, you won’t have to worry about this bitch because I’ll stay out of your life, I swear. Don’t look at me, don’t touch me, DONT EVEN TALK TO ME. Just leave me alone....we’re done.” And with that Y/N ran out of her room, and out of the building, needing to get away from the place for a little bit. She could deal with her wound later. She just needed to get away. Bakugou just stood there in sadness and shock. As much as he wanted to run after you, he figured he’d give you a little breather. You guys could fix things in the morning...right?

Bakugou waited an hour in your room waiting for you, but you were right. You really weren’t coming back until he left your private area. So that’s what he did. With a heavy heart, he picked himself up and dragged his feet back to his dorm. He looked like a mess. He knew he did. Messy hair, red swollen eyes, dry lips. His entire body screamed heartbroken. When he open the door, instant regret and love hit him at once. His room was covered with rose petals and flowers, there were candles everywhere, heart shaped balloons all around, he had 4 different boxes of gifts, and two plates of extra spicy curry was set on his table, obviously cold now. What caught his eye was that one of the gift boxes had a note attached to it. With tears in his eyes, he read it.

Hey Suki! It’s Valentine’s Day! I love you to the moon and back and so much more. There’s no words that are able to describe the way I feel about you. You drive me insane in all the right ways and I love it! Lol. I hope you like your Valentine’s Day surprise. I’ve been working for weeks on it, so I’m sorry if I’ve been a little distracted. I know I’ve been kinda absent these past few days but I promise I’ll make it up to you love! Hopefully I can start with this gift that I’ve been working on. Enjoy your brand new grenade silencer! Made it myself just for you. There’s nothing else in the world like this. I love you Bakugou Katsuki!

(P.S. If Shinsou from 1-B gives you shit about it, it’s because I made him drag his ass everywhere to look for a missing part so I wouldn’t have to leave you so much)

XOXO, Your forever teddy bear <3

As he quickly opened the gift, he saw it. A silencer that would attach to his gauntlets to make the sound quieter and the blast even more powerful. It was incredible. You are incredible. He only ever mentioned the sound of his blasts once, and you listened and you fixed it.

Bakugou shook as tears began to fall onto the paper. He couldn’t believe it. Everything started coming together now. The reason you were so distracted was because you were setting this up for him. You were always on the phone because you were assembling pieces and ordering gifts for him. You weren’t cheating on him with Shinsou. You were making sure he could find something that you needed for him. Y/N L/N was truly the best girlfriend in the world. Scratch that, she is the best girlfriend in the world. No scratch that too, she’s just the best, period. And Bakugou’s idiotic self ruined everything for him. All because he couldn’t have a little faith in his teddy bear. As Katsuki cried and cried, he set everything aside.

He took the petals off his bed. He didn’t deserve it. He blew out the candles around his room. He didn’t deserve it. He popped the balloons, and ignored the food. He laid in bed with more tears than ever, and looked at the ceiling. He finally turned to his side to fall asleep, but not before grabbing the picture on his bedside nightstand. A picture of you and him. He remembers that picture oh so clearly. It was his birthday, and while he didn’t want to celebrate, you did everything in your power to make it the best one yet. And you did just that. Bakugou hugged that picture so tight, because he didn’t have you in his arms tonight. He didn’t think he would ever have you in his arms again. So Bakugou Katsuki continued to cry until he was asleep, escaping from the reality of him losing his love, his teddy bear, his princess, and his Y/N.

Bakugou Katsuki never lost, no. He’s always been ahead, always number one, always the best. He always won and achieved and nothing ever stopped him. Except this time, the only thing that stopped him and caused him to lose, was himself. He lost. He lost his everything. His world, his rock, his heart, his Y/N. He’s lost without her in his life, and at this point he thinks he’s lost at life. There was nothing that could fix him unless it was you coming back to him.

Bakugou Katsuki? He’s lost.

A/N: HOLY SHIT! That was my very first writing piece and it was just a Drabble of a thought I’ve been having. Sorry if it’s a little off and weird, I’m still new to writing but hopefully I’ll get better. This was NOT spell checked so my apologies for any mistakes. I hope you enjoyed reading this! Thx for the love!

#bakugou angst #bakugou oneshot #bakugou imagine #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki #my hero academia #my hero fanfic #my hero academy fanfiction #my hero x reader #bakugou x y/n #bhna bakugou #bakugo angst #bakugou fanfiction #bnha angst

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hoekaashi · 4 years

Text

3 am Talks - hq pt 2

a/n: i hope you enjoy these! they take place some time during the time skip or close to when the six years are up. pairings: oikawa x reader, iwaizumi x reader, mattsun x reader, kuroo x reader, kenma x reader warnings: some spoilers, smoking weed taglist: @babydabi, @suckersuki, @bakugoustanaccount, @animoozies part 1 | part 3

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

⇾ c o n s p i r a c y t h e o r i e s ⇾ lots of aliens talk ⇾ will try to convince you that he did in fact, see a UFO once ⇾ but also, will complain about the flat ass comments he constant receives ⇾ spills his secret that not even iwa knows - he dropped a shitton of cash to work out with the Kardashian’s personal trainer in hopes to get a nice juicy bubble butt ⇾ spoiler: it didn’t work ⇾ if he’s in a more serious/softer mood, he would talk more about the mistakes he made in the past in regards to his relationships ⇾ friendships or romantic ⇾ a very vulnerable moment for him where he just let’s everything he’s been holding in out

“I swear! I was seven, I went camping with Iwa-chan and his family!” Oikawa was sitting back on his heels with his right hand up, swearing to you. You rolled your eyes. “What, did the aliens abduct you and perform a surgery? You got a nasty scar on you somewhere?” He narrowed his eyes. “I will prove it. I just need to find the picture for you.” “Right. Wait, have you been working out more?” His expression quickly changed from utter disbelief to a smirk. “I have.” “Well, none of it is helping your ass.” He hung his head in defeat. “All that money wasted. I can’t believe I actually thought the Kardashian’s trainer would be able to help me.” “Babe, they’re all plastic and I think that’s the only thing that will help you at this point.” “Every amazing thing about me is natural. Why would I ruin that by enhancing my features unnaturally?” You shrugged. “At least you have that going for you.” “What do you mean ‘at least’?” he asked with air quotes. “I have you, don’t I?” You didn’t expect him to say something like that. “What?” “If you’ve stuck around this long, I must be doing something right. I know I fucked up in the past, but I’m glad you’re so patient with me. It can’t be easy dating someone who only thinks about volleyball.” You smiled softly as he continued. “I want to apologize to Kageyama properly for the way I treated him. And Iwa-chan too. He always had to deal with my bs and that wasn’t his place as my friend.” “Well, he stuck around you all this time, so you must be doing something right too.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ since california is 16 hours behind, these talks would be in the middle of the day for one of you until a surprise visit happens ⇾ but usually, it would just consist of the two of you catching up ⇾ in person though, he would talk more about how freeing it is to be in a new place, away from everything that was familiar ⇾ how it feels good not to live in anyone's shadow and just start fresh ⇾ (not that he hated being with oikawa, it was just something new for him) ⇾ but also how he doesn’t want to get left behind in the game of life ⇾ how even his new friends *cough* ushiwaka *cough* is going after his dreams

“So how do you like California?” It was 2 am, you just picked up your boyfriend from the airport and you were heading back home. It was a long drive back which gave you plenty of time to talk. “It’s nice. You’re not there, but other than that, I like it.” “Don’t let Oikawa hear that,” you laughed. Iwa slid down his seat a bit and got comfortable. “It feels so freeing. It’s a new start. No one knows me as the ace of Seijoh or as the guy who’s friends with Oikawa. I enjoy people not assuming I’m gay for my best friend.” Even though he was being serious, you couldn’t help but snort at the comment. After all, you had been one of those people too. “It’s like I hit restart and I’m enjoying every minute of it.” “Do you miss anything though? You sound like you’re really enjoying it there.” “Of course I miss things and people. Even though it’s fun, I do miss Shittykawa’s annoying ass and walking in on Makki and Mattsun getting high. Hell, sometimes I miss not being around all the fangirls. But everyone is moving on with their lives, so I can’t stay stuck in the past.” You hummed to let him know you were still listening. “I refuse to get left behind. Even Ushiwaka is going after his own goals.” “Who would’ve thought you would go to a new country, run into him there, and become friends?” Iwa laughed. “Not me, and definitely not Oikawa. He still brings it up, to this day. It’s been two years and he thinks I’ve replaced him.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ high talks ⇾ i feel like he’s not stressed about much that he needs to vent or get something off his chest ⇾ would probably feel free when he’s high - free from being an adult - and would talk about that ⇾ maybe some funny stories from high school ⇾ makes lots of jokes ⇾ but once it hits him, he’ll be talking about deep shit ⇾ talks about life and everyone’s purpose, why we’re here, that sort of shit

“And then Iwa got so annoyed, he just pantsed Oikawa in front of the girl.” You giggled as Mattsun finally got the story right. “So what happened with the girl?” you asked. “I think she died in the spot because she got to see Oikawa in his underwear.” He took another hit of his blunt and blew the smoke out, over his head. “I wonder if he’s enjoying Argentina.” You glanced up at him before turning your attention back to the show neither of you were really watching. “I’m sure he misses you guys.” “I hope he finds his purpose. All that practice to never make it to nationals…” He sighed. “Iwa is studying to be a trainer. Him too. I hope he gets what he wants in life.” “And you?” Mattsun chuckled. “My purpose is to enjoy my time here. There are enough people in the world who are stressing over something or another. I’m here to balance the scale. Can’t have too much stress in the world or the negativity will just take over. That’s me and Makki, we just chilling through life. What's that saying? Que salsa?” “Que sera sera?” “Yeah that one! Oikawa said that to me when we were talking once.” “I’m surprised you remembered it.” “I’m smarter than I appear. I can’t threaten the nerds either. Balancing the scales.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ would range from crackhead ideas to deep conversations ⇾ could go from reciting a funny story about kenma to his insecurities in your relationship real fast ⇾ so kuroo is a scorpio and l i t e r a l l y every scorpio I know absolutely sucks ASS at opening up, doesn’t matter what gender ⇾ a part of his insecurities is that you’re constantly trying to get him to open up more and confide in you, but even after knowing him for as long as you have, he barely does ⇾ and it’s not that he doesn’t trust you, it’s just he doesn’t like to feel that vulnerable with anyone ⇾ there would be a lot of thanking you - for being so patient with him, for dealing with his teasing, for accepting his friends, etc ⇾ he doesn’t strike me as someone who enjoys serious conversations too much so if he felt awkward, he would try to make things more light, cue talks about the latest scientific discoveries

The two of you were calming down from a story Kuroo told you about Kenma that happened recently. “I’m sure deep down, he wishes we never became friends.” “It’s not hidden very deep. He texted me that this morning.” Moving closer to Kuroo, you rested your arms on his chest and placed your chin on top of your hands. One of his hands automatically went to card through your hair. Kuroo’s face softened as he took a moment to stare at you. “I’m sorry.” You stared at him confused. “You’ve been with me for so long. I feel like I know your entire life story and your life stories from your last five lives and here I am, unable to even bring up my childhood and family problems. You shouldn’t have to deal with that.” You shrugged slightly. “I mean, yeah it’s pretty annoying but I’ve just come to…” You bit your tongue. “Come to what?” “Come to not expect anything,” you said with a sigh. That caused Kuroo to sit up, making you sit up as well. “Do you really not expect anything from me now?” “Well, not nothing. More like I’m not expecting you to open up. I’m tired of sounding clingy whenever I try to even ask about your day.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You know I never want you to feel like that, right?” You shrugged again. “I just… I don’t know, it’s just hard for me to open up to other people. I guess I’m just used to having someone who understands me without me having to say anything. Vulnerability feels so strange to me so I just try to avoid it when I can.” He took both your hands into his. “I’ll do a better job, I promise. Thank you for being patient with me.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ he’s not much of a talker, we all know this ⇾ but if you ask him the right questions (ie. being annoyingly persistent) he’ll talk ⇾ LOTS of appreciation ⇾ very grateful to all the people he’s met in his life and how each one that he holds dear to his heart plays a different role in his life ⇾ how much he cherishes the people he loves ⇾ and then the conversation would turn to you - how much he appreciates you ⇾ let’s be honest, kenma sucks ass at being affectionate, his love language is probably quality time because just knowing that you’re willing to sit with him as he streams is good enough to make his gamer heart happy ⇾ so he would take the time to fully express how much he does love you since he rarely makes it known to you in other ways

“Kenma, how much longer are you gonna play? You have class tomorrow,” you said while he was streaming. Glancing at the time, he told his viewers that he was going to wrap it up for the night and he joined you in bed. You were talking his ear off about the meet up you had with some of your friends and you could see him grow more and more irritated. “Why did you call me to sleep if you were just going to talk.” “Oh. Well, this is the only time I got to be with just you today…” You pulled the blanket higher up on your body and curled into a ball with your back to Kenma. You felt him shift under the covers until you felt his arm wrap around your waist, pulling you closer to him. “I’m sorry. Tell me what happened next.” You shook your head. “It’s fine, we can talk in the morning.” He buried his face in your neck, giving you a soft kiss. “I love you. I don’t say that enough. I cherish you even if I don’t show you that. You and Kuroo and Shoyo. All of you are the closest people to me, and I appreciate you all so much for the different ways you’ve helped me.” You placed your hand on top of his and interlaced your fingers. “I love you too.” “How about we have lunch tomorrow? I can cancel the stream at night and we can watch a movie.” “What about the viewers?” “They can survive one night without watching me. I owe you since I’ve been a bad boyfriend.”

#oikawa tōru #oikawa x reader #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi x reader #matsukawa issei #matsukawa x reader #mattsun x reader #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x reader #kenma kozume #kenma x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu fic #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

Text

Rio & Liam

Rio: I still can’t believe all that mess just happened

Rio: I swear to God my friends aren’t usually that trash like… what the fuck

Liam: it was unbelievable, are you ok

Rio: Like not at all but there’s nothing you can do

Rio: and you’ve already done loads more than I could ask, so don’t worry

Rio: This has really blindsided me, I’d never have expected this from her

Liam: sometimes you don’t know people how you think you do, or you did but they change on you into somebody else

Rio: So true

Rio: I never knew her, clearly

Rio: and she didn’t know me if she thought I was ever going to take her side over my family, was that the plan?

Rio: I genuinely do not get why she did this, tbh

Liam: she probably wasn’t planning further ahead than getting your other mate to take her side, she did things without thinking when I knew her

Rio: Who in their right mind would take her side

Rio: even without the full story

Liam: I dunno, I could be looking at it wrong and what she wanted was for all this to come out

Rio: Now I’m just worried there’s something seriously wrong with her

Rio: it’s not normal, no shit but

Rio: there has to be something going on to drive her to this, right?

Liam: if it’s a cry for help, getting this many other people involved and doing it tonight is a weird twist

Rio: It’s fucked, on so many levels I can’t even get into

Rio: Poor Edie

Rio: Is she mad at me now?

Liam: you don’t have to worry about Edie, she saw what Lex was like before this, she’s a good judge of who people are underneath whatever they put across

Rio: at least one of us is

Rio: I just don’t want her thinking I was out to ruin her night or make it about me and my friends’ bullshit

Rio: I was trying to do the opposite, draw a bigger crowd, you know

Liam: she understands where you were coming from, and it’s like you said, the two of us are in a bubble, I’m not gonna let anything ruin her night or switch up what it’s about

Rio: I’m really glad

Rio: At least that good still came from tonight

Rio: she doesn’t need to feel involved with all this Lexie business, it’s definitely about me, not Edie and you, I can see that now

Liam: I’d be a dick when you’re still going through it if I said I was buzzing we’re both out of it but I was questioning when it started if it was a bit about me, and her, I dunno what I could or would do if Lexie was, like, in love with me or something

Rio: But perfectly valid, this is a shit show

Rio: You don’t need to worry about her, she’s not going to come anywhere near me or mine ever again

Rio: it’s a betrayal beyond what she said in the text, and she knows that

Liam: she don’t worry me, and you don’t have to worry about anything but what she’s trying to involve you in

Rio: Oh we’re done

Rio: now I know she can’t fuck with me any more

Liam: loads of good came out of tonight then

Rio: I suppose that’s true

Rio: it doesn’t feel like that right now but hey

Liam: being done with her shite is gonna feel better in the long run

Rio: Sorry, I am not trying to dump this on you

Rio: that’s how I got here

Liam: Edie’s not mad at you but she would be at me if I just dipped on her sister in the middle of this

Rio: I appreciate that you took the time to do the digging

Rio: can I ask how you went about it?

Liam: not if you’re asking bc you wanna do more on her, that’s not being done or gonna make you feel better

Rio: Oh, no, it’s not about her

Rio: It’s for personal reasons

Liam: if you don’t know what you’re doing you’re gonna end up alerting the person you’re looking into before you find out what you wanna know

Rio: and it’s not something you can teach me?

Rio: I’m not a totally technophobic 👵 I swear

Liam: I don’t even know what you’re looking for

Rio: If Lexie had done more to me, behind the scenes, how could I find out if it was her

Liam: you’d know bc she can’t cover her tracks, it was easy for me to find the things I did

Rio: you don’t think she could keep it up then

Rio: yeah, that’s probably true

Liam: I don’t know, maybe if she wanted this to blow up as fast as it did and didn’t want something else to

Rio: She’s shot herself in the foot if it was her

Rio: anyway

Rio: I still feel bad, I should make it up to Edie

Liam: we could be giving her too much credit or not enough

Liam: Edie meanwhile deserves full credit for how the show went

Rio: I’m going to take her on an actual decent night out

Rio: you’re invited too, of course

Liam: thanks, if she wants me there, I’ll be there

Rio: We could go [somewhere bouj and your vibe] next weekend

Liam: where 😏

Liam: now I’ve searched it, yeah, alright, she’ll feel 👑 going there

Rio: Right?

Rio: I know it was technically your birthday but a girl can never feel like a 👑 too much

Rio: I’ll take her shopping first too but you don’t have to come to that bit, don’t worry 😉

Liam: wouldn’t be the first time I’ve waited outside a fitting room with a bag or the extra clothes they won’t let you take in

Rio: Bless

Rio: sisters are good training for girlfriends, for sure

Rio: I went out with a guy who had like all brothers and he was hopeless

Liam: my ma’d claim it’s more to do with her, however much of me is well behaved

Rio: well of course, that goes without saying

Rio: you aren’t a mummy’s boy type though, are you? 🤴

Rio: ‘cause I hadn’t even thought to warn her about that possibility yet

Liam: you’re too late with any warnings now

Rio: god, don’t say that, sounds so 😬 like 😂

Liam: if she calls me a mammy’s boy when you ask her, I’ll see myself out, like

Rio: I highly doubt she’ll say anything negative about you

Liam: your ma didn’t order me out when I met her, but you can give me a clue if she was just being polite, yeah

Rio: She was as surprised as the rest of us

Rio: but she’s pretty chill, and you aren’t a serial killer, so you’re good on that one

Liam: bit soon to crack a joke at Lexie’s expense or yours about how we don’t all get caught doing what we shouldn’t

Rio: 😏

Rio: if my sister goes missing, I think I’ll be able to put 2x2 together on that one, babe

Liam: the boyfriend did it every time, no technological skill required to solve the case, only luminol and an awareness of toxic masculinity

Rio: no wonder my ma liked you if you came out with all that

Rio: that’s just her energy

Liam: liked could be a bit strong but I’ll work on it, I get that everyone’s not gonna be celebrating as hard as mine is

Rio: that’s so cute 😫

Rio: it’s sweet, no one’s hating now

Liam: it’s the looking older thing, putting me at a disadvantage one time, but she knows I’m not 24 or something crazy now

Rio: No offence, but it could be a lot worse

Rio: she’s gone around with some strange people 🥴😷

Rio: and yeah, you aren’t that much older, really, so along with what you clearly have in common

Rio: I see it

Liam: not gonna get offended you think I’m normal, it’s a massive asset when I’m going round being a huge criminal, clearly

Rio: Ha, is it

Rio: stop with your jokes I’m tryna be sincere 😅

Liam: stop being sincere, you’ve had a fucked up night and if you don’t 😂 you’ll be 😭 is the cliche

Rio: God, too real

Rio: How tragic of me

Liam: nobody’ll hear it from me 😂 or 😭

Rio: Cheers, like

Rio: I’ll go get another drink and toast being free/drown my sorrows

Liam: I’d offer but you could be 3 drinks in while I’m still waiting to be served

Rio: I look older too 💁‍♀️

Liam: 🥂

Rio: I’d offer to get you guys some but I can’t 👀 yous and I’m sure you’re gonna go do something better now

Liam: I'll think of something to put the spotlight back on Edie and keep her feeling special until it's your turn

Rio: 🥰

Rio: Good job

Liam: she could teach you how to find out if Lexie did mess with you at all before, instead of giving a stranger like me access to your devices

Rio: Ah, I don’t wanna worry her

Rio: I’ll just forget about it, it’s no big

Liam: is it that worrying

Rio: Maybe I’m just over-protective, I’m sure that’s what she’d say

Liam: yeah, honestly, but I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing

Rio: She’ll thank me when she’s not a crazy teen

Liam: probably true

Rio: It sounds like wishful thinking, I know

Rio: but I’ve been there

Liam: wishful thinking you ain’t a crazy teen no more

Rio: Charming! 😂

Liam: not a 👵 you wanted me to know

Rio: If I am you are, and you want me to know you’re not too old for her soooo 🤫

Liam: you already admitted it could be loads worse

Rio: You aren’t some sleazy ‘producer’ who pretends you don’t know how old she really is

Rio: or some wannabe rockstar

Liam: unwishful thinking or did it happen

Rio: She’s not stupid, thank God

Rio: just nightmare scenarios that would be way more worrying if she remotely was

Liam: it’s that you’ve been afraid to come to her shows before now then

Rio: Pretty much

Rio: and idk

Rio: contrary to how it seems, I try to let them have their own things

Liam: I get your motives

Rio: If she wanted me there, she’d ask, wouldn’t she?

Liam: if it’s that simple between you two

Rio: Simple ain’t the word

Liam: which sounds like her coming out with what she do or don’t want ain’t likely

Rio: She’s been vocal about what she doesn’t want but I can’t do that for her, that’s the problem

Liam: confrontation where you don’t expect anything to change is easier than getting vulnerable over something you could have, or wish you could, but dunno if you’ll get

Liam: her music matters to her, but you playing along and 👏 bc you’re her big sister isn’t enough

Rio: I know it does, doesn’t she know that

Liam: she thinks you don’t take it serious

Rio: That’s not true

Liam: to her it is or she wouldn’t have told me and I wouldn’t be telling you

Rio: I don’t know why I’ve said any of this to you

Liam: there’s some anonymity as you don’t know me, but I’m kinda invested so you’re not just venting to someone who isn’t

Rio: Honestly, forget about it

Rio: I can talk to my own sister when I need to, we’re fine

Liam: yeah, but you can let me help too

Rio: What can you do about it?

Liam: you’re here bc I invited you

Rio: She could’ve said no

Liam: and she didn’t, she said it was a good idea

Rio: yeah

Rio: me and Edie are fine

Rio: despite any efforts from ex-friends or otherwise

Liam: nobody’s crediting Lexie to that level

Rio: what are you saying, Liam?

Rio: if there’s a problem you know about, then just say

Liam: if it was about her it’d be over, it’s you saying it ain’t simple between you and Edie, I’m not saying anything

Rio: It never is, is it

Rio: were things simple with your sister?

Liam: yeah, a terminal illness is gonna make things pretty simple, like

Rio: Oh, I would’ve imagined the opposite

Liam: not for a relationship dynamic, she gets what she wants

Rio: I guess so

Rio: well, obviously, it can’t work like that long-term, sorry to be blunt

Rio: but I’m not telling you anything you don’t know

Liam: I wasn’t telling you to follow the example of me and my sister

Rio: I know

Rio: Some things can’t be fixed, that’s the truth

Liam: don’t mean you throw round a statement like that and stop trying to

Rio: All I do is try

Rio: you don’t know

Liam: I know Edie’s worth the effort

Rio: and so do I

Liam: you’ve got time and loads of chances to keep on trying is the truth

Rio: Look, it’s not a secret I’m dating our cousin, so I know you know that

Rio: it’s also not a secret that plenty of people, Edie being one of them, are not fans of that

Rio: I can’t change any of that, that’s something we’re all going to have to live with

Liam: there’s stuff you can change though that’d make things better than they are

Rio: I’m not doing anything else wrong

Rio: in her eyes, anyway

Rio: that’s where the problem starts and stops

Liam: if you say so

Rio: You’ve known her five minutes

Rio: I really don’t need a lecture when I’ve known her her whole life

Liam: I wouldn’t keep it this vague if I was putting you in your place instead of trying to spare your feelings

Rio: Spare my feelings? Like she hasn’t said it all a million times worse? 😂

Rio: worry about what you know about her after-all, but thanks

Liam: I’ve got no worries about her

Rio: ‘course not

Rio: look, I sincerely mean drop it

Rio: it’s been an intense night and a weird one on my end, let’s act like we left it there, yeah

Liam: you not wanting my help don’t mean I’m retracting the offer, it’s still there

Rio: You’re dating her, you don’t need to impress me, like

Liam: it’s about her, not you

Rio: You don’t reckon she’s better off without me then

Liam: I wouldn’t admit to it, isolating someone from their family and mates is a huge red flag

Rio: 😏 Encouraging as ever that you just bring that shit up in lieu of nothing

Liam: you brought it up

Rio: no I didn’t

Liam: when you asked me if I think she’d be better off without you

Rio: that’s hardly accusing you of being a psycho abuser

Liam: it’d be a toxic thought for me to have, especially bc I’ve not known her long enough for you

Rio: you haven’t known her long enough to have a go at me on the matter, that’s what I meant by that

Liam: I’m not having a go, I’m having a convo you started and I think is worth keeping going, for Edie’s sake

Rio: I’m not mad at you

Rio: so agreed

Liam: she’s already helped me loads with shite I’m struggling with, I wanna help her too, if I can

Rio: that’s nice

Rio: genuinely

Rio: you clearly care, I don’t have to worry about that

Liam: we did just meet but everyone’s gotta start somewhere

Rio: of course

Rio: you know people usually don’t go this fast though, I’ve not just imagined that up

Rio: most lads ‘refuse to put a label on it’

Liam: most lads think they’ve got as much time as they want to fuck about, my brain’s not wired for wasting it

Rio: I get that

Rio: but you don’t have to skip ahead, miss the fun parts, you know

Rio: like, you don’t feel forced, right

Liam: what do you think she’s rushing me into or vice versa

Rio: I know our experiences shape us, and we have no control over that, trust me, I do

Rio: but idk, it’d make me sad to think you end up doing things you didn’t actually want to, or miss out on the little things, for the sake of fitting it all in, in pursuit of those milestones

Rio: you know

Rio: neither of you deserves that

Liam: you’ve described the opposite of what we’re both doing, it’d be funny if I’d never done any of it before or I was pretending to you I hadn’t, but I’m not with her

Liam: I want it to be different and she knows it is

Rio: If that’s what you both want

Rio: then that’s all good with me

Liam: after that’s what Lexie did, I fully expected Edie to want me to do stuff I wasn’t down to, but that was before I really knew her

Rio: What did Lexie do?

Liam: you know how she can be, it was intense, and asking too much of me

Rio: that’s fucked up of her

Rio: are you okay, did you tell anybody?

Liam: what would I have said, she fancies me too hard, I had bigger things going on, it barely registered until I said about it to Edie and she was upset for me

Rio: She shouldn’t have gone out with you

Rio: even if she thought she was doing a nice thing, she clearly wasn’t mature enough to even attempt to go about it in a good way

Liam: I shouldn’t have agreed to it, she wasn’t forcing that bit, it was on me

Rio: You were grieving, bad decisions are expected

Liam: nobody was mature enough back then, it was ages ago

Rio: so young

Liam: too late now to use the rushing things chat on her

Rio: I don’t think she’s been an evil bitch the whole time

Rio: she got it wrong back then

Rio: but this time she’s crossed a line

Liam: and got caught out for it

Rio: yep

Rio: oh well, at least it’s over

Rio: even if I never work out what I did to make her do that

Liam: it’s clearly a her thing, whatever her damage is, not your fault somehow you could point at and say yeah there’s what I did

Rio: yeah

Rio: I think I’d rather I could know, what it was about

Rio: that over thinking she did it just ‘cos

Liam: I could look again, see if there’s more to find, but it ain’t gonna be a folder called why

Rio: ha

Rio: nah, you’re alright

Rio: I can move on without it

Liam: drowning your sorrows or doing a cheers, wasn’t it

Rio: 🥂

Liam: I can see you

Liam: but we're gonna head off, direct from your sister is she already feels high

Liam: I'll pick her up if you wanna 👋 [and do pick her up before Rio can answer lol]

Rio: I saw your ma commented, are you going home?

Liam: not straight back

Rio: okay, well have fun

Liam: and you

Rio: 🧡🧡

Rio: and tell her I’m sorry, yeah?

Rio: and that she was really good

Liam: yeah, I'll let her know

Rio: thanks, Liam

Liam: she'll wanna hear it

Rio: I hope so

Liam: and about [wherever they are going on this double date] too

Rio: convince her if not

Rio: she’ll 🧡 it when she gets there

Liam: both of us getting to dress up will have her 😁

Rio: absolutely

Rio: I’ve not completely forgotten who she is, like

Liam: I was hyping up your plan not calling you out as being blackout drunk this fast

Rio: you know what I mean

Rio: blackout is now the mood but hey

Liam: don’t let Lexie get to you

Rio: I’ll do my best 🙃

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thanksjro · 4 years

Text

Eugenesis, Part One, Scene Five: Papa’s Got A New Set of Wheels

Death’s Head makes a return to the story, with his sexy, midlife-crisis-worthy new ride, courtesy of his Hybridian employers. They were surprised to see he was alive, seeing as- thanks to time-travel nonsense- he’d been assumed dead for the last four years.

He’s headed for Aquaria, where the novel first started, to find who killed our dive team, all to the tune of ten billion shanix- that’s space money, for anyone who isn’t familiar with the term. He gets to the water planet, and is immediately attacked.

BACK ON EARTH, Ratchet’s taking a gander at the Decepticon medical bay, and needless to say, he’s less than impressed with the slapdash farce he’s presented with. He gets lost in the sauce for a minute thinking about how awesome his own medi-bay is, so much so that he has to be called back to the present by Hound. Trailbreaker finds the cold storage chamber, and cracks it open to find their lost ‘bots. Ratchet finds a plus-one, and wakes Centurion up- the man-made Transformer who was last seen exploding over the Thames twenty years prior.

Centurion spits out a string of binary- which translates to absolutely nothing, trust me, I checked- and asks what the hell’s going on. There’s no time for exposition, though, because we still need to find our bio-signatures. They walk like ten feet down the hall and find the what they’re looking for, peeking into the stasis pods to find three ‘bots, all sporting Decepticon insignias. Curious.

I’ve got a bad feeling about those bubbles.

So, we’ve got three ‘Cons who were left to rust for unknown reasons. Nobody really wants to let them out, but it’d probably be a good idea to figure out why they’re still here. The boys find a terminal and start downloading what’s left of the files, only to set off a cluster bomb that’ll detonate in T-minus three minutes. They high-tail it outta there, briefly turning into a Scooby-Doo chase sequence, then jump all their alt-modes off a cliff and land outside the fortress.

The bomb doesn’t go off.

Hound, being the smart cookie that he is, managed to slow down the computer terminal’s chronometer, allowing them more time to escape. Great! However, meddling with the terminal also set loose the Decepticons, three triad jets who shoot off into the sky. Not so great. Trailbreaker’s pretty injured, so they don’t even entertain the idea of pursuing, instead heading back to their shuttle.

The bomb goes off.

BACK ON AQUARIA, Death’s Head is getting lit up- guided missiles wreck his sweet ride, forcing him to hit the water in the sea-pod attached to the bottom. R.I.P. Bitchin’ Space Camaro, 2012-2012. He briefly wonders if he’s going to make it out of this mission alive, but then is distracted by more important matters, like the fact that the ocean is made of nitric acid, something most mechanical beings wouldn’t be able to survive. Death’s Head is not most mechanical beings, by his own admission.

Nitric acid is also known as aqua fortis, which means “strong water” in Latin. Language is fun.

The pod goes into the abyss, and is met by hundreds of metallic creatures, who instantly go for Death’s Head. He breaks out and gets away just in time to see the pod be devoured.

Now, because our dear peacekeeper is made of metal, he doesn’t float, and therefore cannot swim. He walks around the seabed for hours before hitching a ride on an errant submarine, which takes him to some sort of underwater docking station. Mysteries!

BACK AT AUTOBOT CITY, Jazz has seen better days. His head’s missing. At least, most of it is; he’s been reduced to a brain on a rope and a lower jaw. Those triad jet ‘Cons made their way over to the city, just as Wheeljack had turned off the security systems for repairs. Wheeljack, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were a double agent. Outside, it’s begun to rain, signaling bad times ahead.

Heh. Ahead.

Sorry, Jazz.

Our search-and-retrieve team is back, having just missed all the fun.

Not sure how one would do that, but okay.

The triad shot Jazz in the face and stole a shuttle. It’s about time we found out who these flying fucks are, and what their whole deal is.

MEANWHILE, ON CYBERTRON, Nightbeat’s doing his thing. There’s nothing out of place, or even all that interesting in the missing Longtooth’s room, save for the horror that is a Pretender shell being left open, unblinking and unfeeling as a mannequin, waiting to be filled by a metal body. That’s normal, though.

Doubleheader’s really upset about his friend being missing, and Nightbeat doesn’t have anything to say that could comfort the poor guy, because he’s misplaced his compassion. They leave, turning out the lights, and completely missing the glow-in-the-dark figure-eight burned into the floor. I’m sure they’ll find it later.

MEANWHILE, ON THE STOLEN AUTOBOT SHIP, the triad is zipping through hyperspace, which is just like regular space, but in photo-negative, and therefore strange and dangerous. Our Decepticons know nothing, not even their own names. All that resides in their minds is the need to be somewhere- Aquaria- and a vague sense of betrayal.

BACK ON AQUARIA, Death’s Head gets blasted through a sewer system and tries to figure out just where the hell he is. He works open a vent with his fingernails, that he apparently has, and starts climbing ladders.

Don’t worry, Death’s Head, god is with you in this dark time.

He enters a corridor, finding written language, but not one he can understand- an impressive feat, seeing as he knows several thousand of them.

Oh my fuck, they’re space Satanists.

He finds a room filled with glowing circles on the floor. Now, where did we just see some of those?

He spends ages just wandering around trying to find another living soul- literal miles are covered before he finds just who lives in this giant underwater structure.

It’s Quintessons.

Thousands of them.

And they’re getting ready for something big, from the looks of things.

OH SHIT.

SHIT

#transformers #jro #eugenesis #part one #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #prose writing

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team-free-will-oneshots · 5 years

Text

Sticks and Stones

Title: Sticks and Stones

Request/Prompt: 1. The bar thingy to insert my name into your fics is super cool! 2.Would you write something where the reader is feeling some self-doubt because of how their mother emotionally abused them as a child, and Sam encourages them and makes them feel like their reaction to the abuse is valid? I would so grateful if you would, but only if you're comfortable with it. It's a heavy topic, so I 100% understand if you don't want to. Again, please don't feel obligated to complete it! Thank you! -- @meticulouswreck

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Warnings: ANGST ! Negative self talk !!! Mentions of abuse !!

Word Count: 1,980-ish

note; first off, sorry this came later than expected! secondly, i’m glad u like the bar thing ! i hope this is what you were looking for. i know this is a sensitive topic so i tried to approach it as carefully as i could, but if i made mistakes or you need me to change anything please message me so i can! x

also, unrelated but i was listening to “Let Me In” by Gabrielle Aplin while i wrote this and i highly recommend the song its A+, 11/10

__________

It was always worse at night.

The echoes of her words, your mother’s words, would creep slyly from the recesses of your mind, warping your thoughts, twisting your inner voice to mirror her own. Old conversations stained your rare happy moments, harsh accusations snapped at your every action. Somewhere along the line, the painful memories had distorted your own thoughts, and you’d adopted her harsh criticism - perhaps that was the worst tragedy of all. She couldn’t torment you anymore, but she’d taught you to torment yourself.

Sam slept beside you, eyelids fluttering with his dreams, his jaw slack, no longer tightened with the stress the daytime always bring. You envied him - the night was his solace, but it was your hell. Even Sam’s arms wrapped loosely around your waist, his gentle breath fanning over your neck, could not erase the doubt that crippled you.

He doesn’t love you. Why would he? You’re not good enough for someone like him. He’s a hero, and you’re… no-one.

You clenched your jaw to restrain your sob, channelling it into heavy breathing as your blurry eyes focussed on the roof. You tried to distract yourself, seeking out cracks in the ceiling, stains on the walls, but your eyes couldn’t erase the words reverberating through your skull. You couldn’t even tell whether they were in her voice or yours.

Sam shifted in his sleep, and you felt your heart stop as you paused with bated breath, watching him cautiously… his lips parted in a quiet snore, and you relaxed. The last thing you needed was to wake him up. He deserved the little rest he got, you weren’t going to be the one to deprive him of that. You were burden enough, in your mind.

Daytime was never this hard - surrounded by Sam, Dean and Cas, enveloped in chatter and laughter and teasing, it was easier to drown out your thoughts. But at nighttime, your thoughts were your only company. The weight of them crushed you, pulling shaky breaths from your lips and tears from your eyes. You needed a distraction.

You rested your hand on Sam’s arm, slung over your stomach and holding you close - a reassurance that you were there, with him, that you hadn’t met the same fate as all too many of his exes. But as he slept, it was easy to crawl out from beneath the youngest Winchester, leaving him snoring peacefully and tangled in sheets.

Releasing a shaky sigh, you grabbed your coat and left the room. You weren’t quite sure where you were headed, you just knew you needed to get out. The more you paced around the bunker, the more stuffy it grew. Her words… your words, crowded your mind and threatened to choke you, to snuff out the little hope you had left. And so, when you saw the Impala’s keys lying on the library desk, your fingers closed around the cold metal without a second thought.

The cold air slammed into you as you left the cosy confines of the bunker. Your cheeks and ears burned raw with the chill, and you dug your hands into your pockets as you walked towards the car, parked along the curb. The tears on your cheeks were beginning to freeze when you managed to unlock the door with clumsy fingers, and you were quick to thrust the keys into the ignition.

The Impala stuttered and shuddered with the cold, but eventually roared to life, the noise settling into a steady purr as you turned on the heater and rubbed your hands together before the small vents. As the blood began to return to your fingertips, you rested them on the cool wheel and prepared to pull away from the curb, only to halt as something tapped lightly on the passenger window.

Your heart was sent racing at the sound, the haste throbbing drowning out your thoughts as your breath caught. Leaning over, you rolled down the window and breathed an initial sigh of relief as you saw it was just Sam, bleary eyed and still in his pyjamas. Even his feet were bare, and you quickly ushered him in so he wouldn’t catch a cold.

“What are you doing?” you asked in a quiet voice, though there was no one around to hear you. Sam’s brow creased in concern.

“I woke up, and you were gone. I couldn’t find you inside, and I got worried, so...”

A small smile twisted your lips. “So you came to rescue me? Pyjamas and all?” you teased, and he huffed a laugh, leaning back against the seat.

“Yeah, well, maybe that part wasn’t quite thought out,” he admitted, and his humorous tone softened as he saw the tear stains on your cheeks and the red rims of your eyes. “Are you okay? What are you doing out here?”

You sighed, shaking your head slightly and leaning against the steering wheel. Sam paused as he sensed your unwillingness to talk. “I know what it feels like, wanting to escape,” he said eventually. “It feels like I spent my whole life running. From hunting, from my dad, and now from whatever big bad each year seems to bring. I used to sneak out and go for drives at night. Pick a direction and just go until I saw the sun. Dean would give me shit for it the next day, but it was nice to leave everything behind. Just for a night.” He glanced over at you pointedly, and you gave him a slight nod.

“Yeah. I get that. I get that alot,” you admitted. And although you hadn’t thought you’d ever allow yourself to share your feelings, you felt you’d explode if you didn’t. Sam had that effect on you - being around him left you feeling so utterly safe that you didn’t feel quite as much like a burden, not during the moment at least. Those feelings came later.

“Okay, I...I’ll talk. But I’m not good with… sharing stuff, so… I’m gonna drive so I have something else to focus on, okay?” You spared him a glance from the corner of your eye, catching sight of his gentle, satisfied smile and his accepting nod.

“Okay,” Sam replied. You released a shaky breath as you put the car into drive and pulled onto the road, headlights illuminating the long, narrow stretch ahead of you. Your knuckles were white on the steering wheel, fingers circling it so tightly that your nails bit into the palms of your hands, leaving small, reddened crescent marks. Your mouth was drier than cotton and you opened your mouth to begin, only to find yourself closing it again.

“Sorry,” you said eventually. “I… I’m not used to- to people actually wanting to listen to me,” you admitted. Your voice was small, barely rising above a whisper, but Sam heard it anyway.

“Why don’t you start with… why you got out of bed at three am?” he suggested lightly. You swallowed and licked your lips before beginning.

“I guess… I guess it mostly comes down to self doubt?” Your voice tilted into a question, and Sam nodded slowly.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked. You released another shaky sigh.

“I… I guess I just don’t ever feel good enough,” you mumbled. “Not a good enough hunter, not good enough for you, not a good enough… person. Just… a burden,” you surmised. Something about saying the words out loud, hearing your broken voice piercing the silence of the car, made your feelings seem all too real. You swallowed thickly.

“Y/N…” Sam whispered, his tone heavy with empathy. “Why would you think that? How could you ever possibly think that?”

You forced a short, sharp laugh that was too loud in the quiet night. “Honestly? My mother,” you got out. “She… that’s what she always told me,” you continued eventually. “I was just a burden on her, good for nothing, never… never enough. And she had no qualms telling me.” You chuckled dryly. “I feel bad even talking about this with you now… she never wanted to know how I felt, not really. Sometimes it felt like she didn’t want to know me at all.”

The gravity of your hurt seemed to crush you as the words left your lips, and you couldn’t bite back your sobs anymore. You pulled over, and as soon as the car was off, Sam was shifting closer to you. His thumb rubbed soothing circles on your knee and his large hand found yours, encasing it entirely.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he soothed, and slowly, your tears began to subside. When your breathing evened, Sam spoke again. “I don’t want you to ever feel bad sharing how you feel with me,” he told you. “Or if you don’t want to talk to me, you can talk to Dean. Or Cas. Hell, call Jody! But I love you, okay? We all do. You’re the furthest thing from a burden.”

His words made tears spring to your eyes yet again. “I just- I just feel so stupid even feeling like this still! It was- it was so long ago, I was only a kid. I have you guys now, my new family, and I know you love me, I do, I promise. I just… I can’t shake this constant feeling of self doubt. It’s like I can never escape her,” you whispered, and Sam shook his head slightly, pulling you into his arms.

It was hard to hug him in the small confines of the car, especially with his height, but he curled his frame over you protectively as he held you close to his chest. You could smell traces of soap on his skin, the light stubble on his jaw rubbing on your cheeks, his hair tickling your skin. His warmth enveloped you, and you could feel his heart beating steadily beneath his shirt. You’d never felt so safe.

“Don’t feel stupid,” he murmured, his lips brushing your temple. “These kinds of things… they leave scars. And it hurts, but it’s okay, as long as you keep moving forward. I can’t promise that it will ever stop hurting, but it’s okay to feel it. Your feelings are valid, okay? So long as you remember you have us now, and we’re not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere.” Sam’s voice fell to a whisper, and you pulled away, sniffling and nodding.

“Thanks, Sam,” you whispered, and he gave you a sad smile, his large hand cradling your cheek as he gently wiped a tear from your cheek. You could feel the calluses on his skin, a result of years of hunting. And though you knew these hands had ended many a monster, and held so much strength, he touched you with such tenderness, such… reverence... And you knew his words rang true. This man would be there for you, always. Through hell and highwater, he would never leave your side unless you ordered him away.

“Well… we should probably get the car back home before Dean finds out we stole it,” Sam said teasingly, and you found yourself giggling and nodding despite yourself.

“Yeah, he’ll kill us,” you agreed. Sam’s fingertips lingered on your cheek a moment longer, running gently along your cheekbone, tracing your lips… and slowly, his mouth brushed over yours. The kiss wasn’t as intense and passionate as ones you had shared before - no, this was soft and sweet and slow. It rang of a promise, and warmed the blood in your veins as goosebumps rose on your skin. He left you breathless when you pulled away, but instead of sending your head spinning, it finally allowed your thoughts to settle.

“You okay?” Sam checked when you didn’t speak. A slow, shy smile spread across your face.

“Yeah. I’m okay.”

And for the first time in a long while, you meant it.

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insertedgyfangirlname · 4 years

Text

Vent post ahead!!!

You don’t need to read this post, I just wanted to have my thoughts written down somewhere in the world and out of my head.

(This post is about my first time coming out to anyone and does contain aphobia, specifically arophobia, so please don’t read if you are sensitive to this!!!!!!!!)

July, 2019 (yes this is very recent). I’m at a mission trip with my church and we have completed all the tasks for the day so everyone is hanging out around the church we are staying at. Some people are downstairs where all of our beds and luggage are but me and my closest group of friends (with some mutuals) decide to stay on the main floor.

We are sitting in some couches that we have arranged into a circle and there are about 5 different conversations going on. Me and my best friend (who for the sake of anonymity we’ll call Sarah) are just talking to each other one on one. There is a pause in the conversation where the thought that nearly every LGBTQ+ kid has enters my head..... should I come out to her?

Sarah knows me really well, so the second that thought comes into my head she notices and asks if I’m ok. There’s a long pause. I tell her that I have something important to tell her. Keep in mind that she had told me that she’s bi only a few weeks ago. After what felt like the most excruciating few seconds of my life, I told her “I’m Asexual!!”. she looks shocked but also understanding. There is a knowing smile on her face and she offers some comforting words. She puts her hand on mine in comfort. “So, who are you romantically attracted to?” are the next words out of her mouth. I wasn’t quite planning on coming out as aromantic as well as asexual but the feeling of acceptance she was giving me gave me the courage to say “Actually, I’m aromantic, so no one”.

The understanding smile on her face is immediately replaced with something else. it takes a couple seconds to pinpoint what it is and this is where things go downhill.

Her face was one of pity. She pitied me for being aromantic. Something I couldn’t control and was perfectly content with being.

SERIOUSLY???!!! THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS??? I’d always heard stories about people being belittled and pitied because they don’t feel romantic attraction but I thought she would be different. She should’ve understood!! She has to understand!

“Oh my gosh! That’s so sad! Don’t you feel lonely? You have no idea what you’re missing out on”. She gave me every line in the aphobic book.

At this point I’m trying to hold it together. My body is shaking from her words and how she felt SORRY for me!!

I quickly explain to her that “No, I don’t feel lonely” and “No, I don’t think I’m missing out”.

Her hand of “comfort” feels like it’s there to console me for losing a loved one instead of saying she accepts me.

I’m not sure she ever realized how hurtful her words were but I do hope that one day she sees the pain she caused in my heart. I had never! ever! told anyone! about my identity and she was PITYING ME FOR IT!!

We continue the night with me feeling like crap and her probably thinking she was completely supportive. I end up telling one of my other friends (his name can be Jack for the story) about my aroace identity and he just said “Oh, ok. That’s cool. That means you don’t like anyone, right?” “Right” “Alright, cool.” and with that he resumed his conversation with some of our other friends. We almost told one more of my friends but he was saying some very homophobic things so we didn’t. A few minutes later, Sarah says she was heading to bed early.

I’m sitting there stewing in my thoughts and how I was probably never going to come out to anyone else. So far I’d had one negative reaction and one indifferent reaction. Not great.

One of the freshman girls (I’m a sophomore so I didn’t know her) who was on Jack’s team and kinda knew him was sitting on the couch next to mine. She had obviously overheard me and my friend’s talk because she called out the words that were probably what stopped me from never talking about my orientation and pretending I had made it up.

“I’m asexual too”.

I was snapped out of my thoughts of unintentional rejection. I stared at her in shock because A. I didn’t know her and she just straight up came out to me and B. she had said it loudly and everyone else in the circle momentarily glanced at us but ultimately ignored it.

She moved over to the couch I was sitting and we started talking. I learned her name was, for the story, Jenna. She was (and still is) asexual and biromantic. We quickly ended up bonding over other things we had in common (like P!ATD, MCR, Umbrella Academy, etc.) but the conversation remained mostly on us being ace.

Turns out Jenna had been rejected by people in the same way that I just was. She also talked about how she thought that what my other friend had said was wrong and that I was valid, aromantic or not.

Her openness and willingness to share made my confidence shoot back up. My pride was back.

I’ve only come out to two other people in my life since then (I know, soOoOoOo many). One (her name can be Lily) had just told me she was a lesbian earlier that day and was talking about how much she hated aphobia and how they should be allowed to live how they want and don’t need romance or sex. I told her that I was aroace pretty quickly after that.

At a party where I knew no one, there was a mutual friend that I was chatting who slipped she was pan accidentally. She had a brief moment of freak out but I told her I was cool with it and would keep it secret since I knew how it felt. I never talked to her after that.

I’m still friends with Sarah, Jenna, Jack, Lily, and even that one homophobic kid (but he’s changed a lot since then and is much more accepting towards LGBT people).

The reason I’m posting this is because 1. It is important that people realize how hurtful they can be with aphobia and 2. my mind has been torturing me with that moment all week.

I never fully recovered from Sarah’s words and they are often a source of doubt for me.

She still pulls that same pitying face when my aromanticism comes up in conversation and I try to ignore it but my heart breaks more each time.

All I want to say is that aphobia sucks. Jenna has gotten threats about correctional rape and one guy even tried to follow through on it. I’ve had guys try and forcefully kiss me since I had told them I don’t like boys.

It’s things like this that makes me so mad that people are trying to block aces and aros out of the community.

we are real and our pain is real

alright. I’m finished.

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tyranttortoise · 6 years

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Sure! You guys can always feel free to send me an IM. If you don’t get a response within a day or two, poke me again because I tend to miss them. Don’t worry if you’re shy; I never get annoyed by IM’s.

Absolutely feel free! I adore any kind of fanfic set in the SSLL verse! <3 You guys are free to do whatever you’d like with it. Just tag me or send it my way because I’d love to read it. =D

I’ve actually got a few sets of bros answered for this! I’d do it for the US/SF bros, but honestly, there isn’t that much of a difference so it’s not worth it.

UT/UF bros

HT bros

How did I not see this ask sooner? This one made me really happy because you totally nailed my depictions of them in the best way.

Also, same, anon. Same. Only I’d also bone Edge. And, you know. Both of them together while I’m at it.

@disasterbisexual This ask made my day. <3 I forever want to be Lady and Mistress of the Tortoises. x] Thank you so much for being your sweet self!!

I updated it less than a week ago, anon. No worries; it’s def still going on! <3 I just don’t have a set update schedule. Fallout 76 is taking my free time for the most part 8D

I support this as canon. <3

@whatevenisiteren <333 I need art of that in my life. He fits it so well!

@ruby-the-wolf I’m glad you enjoyed it!! <33 Oh man, it was definitely chaos. It’s just the skeles running around and her struggling to keep up in the tiny room. x]

Most def! I wanted to throw them in the last chapter, but it was just too many skeletons. They’ll show back up again eventually! I really need to sit down and write the short fic about them I’ve had planned for like a year now lol.

@tuestika I’m so glad you enjoy it! <3 Skeleton harems are the best kind of harems as far as I’m concerned. ;D Thank you so much for reading, and for dropping me an ask!

Space is Outertale Sans for sure. ;D I got quite a few requests for a cameo with him, so I wanted to go into some of my headcanons in the fic! Also, sorry that you’ve been worried your asks are being eaten! I just don’t answer all my asks/I wait for several non-imagine asks to pile up so I can answer them all at once instead of spamming my blog. Also, I don’t think I got any vent asks from you, so if you sent any of them, they really did get eaten!

Speaking of your asks, I just found one buried within the depths of my askbox, so I’m going to post it up here, too.

I want to, but I really suck at coming up with good questions for the quiz!

... Also, I refreshed my askbox and found this ask below, too. Sometimes asks just disappear for me and then reappear if I refresh it a couple of times??

I’ll introduce them in a bonus chapter at some point. =] I’ve actually written about Dancetale and Outertale in my other Undertale fic! It’s an Explicit fic, however, but both of those chapters were completely smut-free.

@ut-stuff That part was in there just for you. ;D

xD I like the way your brain works because this is fantastic. I’m constantly trying to pop my back, and now this is going to be what I think of every single time.

@dontexpectmuchxd Ahhhh, sorry this took me so long to reply to! I just saw this buried in my askbox!

The best thing about being an adult is the freedom. If I want to buy something, I have the means to buy it, and if I want to go on a trip, I can go.

The worst part is the, uh... lack of freedom. 8D Just because I can go somewhere doesn’t mean I don’t still have a boatload of people telling me I shouldn’t. If I have any advice for my younger followers, it’s that you should follow your dreams as soon as you can. If I could go back, I would’ve taken a traveling job right out of college, and I would’ve been a lot happier. Now, I’m locked into staying in a place that I hate, surrounded by negativity -- which is why I’m so against negativity on my blog! I get it enough in my day-to-day lol.

But yeah, my adult advice is to do what makes you the happiest and remember to budget responsibly so you won’t have to worry about the bill part of being an adult. And build your credit. I can’t stress how important that is. I know this wasn’t really an advice question, but it’s 4AM so I just went off the rails with it.

@student-on-the-run Sorry this one’s so late, too! I’m digging through my inbox during a nightshift to see what I missed. I’m glad you enjoyed SSLL -- and the all-nighter is most def the highest of compliments to a fic writer. <33 Thank you so much for dropping me such sweet messages! And hey, I’m happy to include more skeleton terminology. x] I keep meaning to finish up a one-shot involving Stretch and learning proper bone anatomy, ha. I hope you’re doing well, hun! <3 Thanks again!

It’s place that’s always open and makes delicious waffles! It also has burgers and typical diner food, but the pecan waffles are where it’s at. If I’m ever super tired or working late, I always go by and grab a waffle and some coffee. It’s good and really cheap, too.

xD I mean, same. I’ll write something up with virgin Stretch, don’tcha worry. And thanks so much! I’m so glad you like the little details. ;]

I’m with you, anon. Monsters definitely have white souls. However, I know that a lot of people tend to assign soul traits to monsters via their magic preferences, which I’m totally for. I wrote a bit about magic colors and why a monster’s magic (i.e. ecto tongue, etc) may manifest in a specific color during the Stretch/Red/Landlady date in SSLL.

#the tortoise talks #ssll asks #general asks #positivity #it's 4am so i'm combining several asks and then sticking this in the queue for a halfway decent hour #how'd i let my askbox get so backed up #i just hadn't been feeling up to answering things for a bit #but i'm back to feeling better so i'm here to answer asks and get to some imagines #long post

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lesbiansassemble · 6 years

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I had a boyfriend take advantage of me for sex and so I already have problems because of that. I just don’t feel like I have the right to be upset because other girls have gone though so much worse and I managed by some miracle to get out of his car but I don’t know how to feel, Am I over reacting??? Like I said he stopped but like he was pulling on my shirt and grabbing my boob even when I pushed him away and he grabbed my but. it’s not like he raped me so why do I feel so violated? -🧜🏼‍♀️ 2/3

I’m sorry if this kinda messes up your blog but I love and admire you and your previous response really helped, I feel like I’m making a big deal out of nothing and I don’t know. Was I doing something wrong? Like should I just get over this. Like I said he stopped when I told him to, but he just....Is it half my fault because I got into the car in the first place, because I kissed him back at first??? I just feel dirty discussing and pathetic. I’m like sobbing right now....🧜🏼‍♀️ 3/4

I feel like it’s my fault because I got into the car I got into the fucking car and I should have known. I’m lucky he stopped. I’m so lucky because if he hadnt It would’ve been really bad. I get sick thinking about it. For some reason this was so traumatic and I don’t feel like I have the right to be upset. others have suffered worse, and I’m just a girl who got into the car with the boy. Is it my fault I know I keep asking, but am I to blame too. Counting is off, I’m sorry (4/5) 🧜🏼‍♀️

Worst part is, I apologized to him. To HIM!! I apologized for stopping HIM. I need someone and I feel so alone and so hopeless and I just need a friend. I’m sorry, I’m just so sad and I needed to vent and you’re amazing with advise but like, seriously what even happened to me. It’s not like it was harassment, I don’t think it was molesting, I just feel like this left over in between of “oh nothing even happened” and feeling like everything happened ... 🧜🏼‍♀️ 5/5?? I lost count

I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way love, and that you experienced that. First of all, no this is not your fault. In fact in this situation, I don’t think anyone’s to blame. I just think things got out of hand. Second of all, please don’t worry about your problems being insignificant and that others have it worse. There’s always going to be someone who has it worse off, no matter who you are or what your problems are. The significance of a problem is how it affects you. If you feel traumatized by your experience, then that’s all you need to know. It doesn’t matter if someone else has had it worse.

What I think happened, is that you may have subconsciously felt obligated to return his physical intimacy because you wanted him to like you and you didn’t want to be alone. Which is so common, oh my god. It happens to so many of us, including myself. And the fact that you did reciprocate at first is not wrong. You shouldn’t be blaming yourself for how you feel at all. People can get caught up in the moment and not realise they don’t want something until later on, and that’s perfectly okay. I’m glad the guy did stop when you told him to though.

Of course you have the right to be upset. I think what I said in my previous response still stands. I really think you would benefit from being in control when and if you want to be physically intimate again. This does not just mean you're the one to initiate it, but it also means you’re the one who leads throughout. That way, you won’t feel like you did with your ex. You’ll feel in charge and won’t feel vulnerable. I would also not recommend being physical intimate in claustrophobic places that can make you feel trapped e.g. a car. A bedroom or something would make you feel more at ease, especially if people are nearby. I would also recommend being physically intimate in places you know and feel comfortable in. I think being in a car somewhere you don’t know would have just exacerbated your negative feelings about the situation.

I wish you the best of luck in recovering from this, and just remember that it’s okay to feel like this, and it may take you a while to feel back to yourself again, and that’s completely fine. You’re important and what you feel matters.

#advice #answered

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iamjjmmma · 5 years

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“Number All My Bones: There and Back Again” Part 1, Chapter 2

Beginning: https://bit.ly/2NtGPgu

Previous: https://bit.ly/2GMt4Zx

Next: https://bit.ly/2H5dDej

A month earlier, he was alright.

We were all alright.

Our house is right on the corner of a monster-only neighborhood, arranged by someone who would be one of my closest friends. But for now, she was hidden and tucked away. Our house is a pretty little thing, one that I don’t think I could dream up in the underground. It has the same type of red etched onto it that you’d look at it and it’d remind you of faded ruby. It has a few windows in the front, and if you could climb up there, you’d see right into our rooms.

You’d see mine, which is impeccable except for what could only be described as a hot mess sitting on my desk. But if you’d look inside my hot mess, you’d find a beautiful little mixture of classifications here, potential experiments there, and half of the desk covered in lesson plans to engage the thermal physics class at the university.

Right to the left, you’d see Papyrus’ room, which is redder than the walls of the house but having a happy little streak of orange all over the baseboards. Despite him being fifteen, you can see a fifty-dollar electric guitar hanging on one side of the wall and a hodgepodge of action figures on the other. His bed, like mine, is impeccable.

To his left, you’d see Sans’ less-than-impeccable room. You’d look in the door and find a trombone and a fifty-dollar telescope. There’s almost always a pile of trash in the corner. But what you can’t see is the ceiling, which looks like the Sistine Chapel of planetariums, all of the stars arranged in what would be the actual configuration in the sky.

Our living room is nothing special, but it’s what Papyrus ran into, sneakers a’blazin’, and it’s the place where I worked on the couch, coaxing a theory out of my brain about a new method of spectroscopy.

“Dad! Dad!”

“What is it? I’m almost finished with my work.” I finished a few sentences, keen on finishing a few more sentences right after those, and I pressed so hard the graphite had bent slightly to the side by the time I was finished.

“It’s four o’clock! We need to go now, don’t we?”

If it was just Sans and I, he’d remind me, and he’d get ready while I lagged on about five minutes behind him. But this was Papyrus, and with Papyrus, when it was four o’clock, it was four o’clock. When Papyrus started shaking me just a little, just a little, I laughed and exclaimed a few “Alright, alright!”s before I headed my way to the car.

We’re not far from a city that they call Boston, and locals tend to boast about some of the scenic drives around there. But driving next to Mount Ebott is one of the most beautiful things I’ve gotten out of life here. It’s filled with gentle hills here and there with Mount Ebott smiling down on them, knowing that she’s bigger, taller, a mix of menacing and protective. The Japanese dogwoods and towering, spindly red oaks’ shadows cover up the road, although it lets the sun come in the car at some points and turns the car into a spotty, almost epileptic flash of light and dark. Flowers poke out of the grounds and out of bushes, flowers that Sans has hated since he came up here, but Papyrus always seems to take a liking to. Lilacs that tend to attract mothers, tucking little flowerets into their babies’ carriages. The pink rhododendrons that hurt Sans’ eyes, that hurt mine, but still draw me in the more I try to look away. The roses, artificially planted but still there, still there, poking out and saying hello in every color, every language, each color a different one.

This is where we live. Maybe it really would be a paradise in a different world.

But a sharp turn to the right, and a honk from a human driver later, and we’re at the elementary school, reaching so high that I can’t see the sunlight. I went to the left, found a parking spot more towards the back, and I couldn’t help but smile to myself knowing that I would get to spend time with Papyrus a little longer than usual. It was walks like that where I could look at his eyes, looking at his own type of wonder and delight.

I smiled a toothless smile at Papyrus, letting him slam the door for me. He laughed in his contagious glee, almost snatching my keys before I could lock the door. I punched him playfully, and he laughed all the harder. Fatherhood allows me to be young again like that.

I wish I could say that the schools here were just as palatial as the drive. But when we went here, we were introduced to the concept of these being places controlled by the government, which bristled with me, but didn’t chafe with me quite yet. But this particular school gives me the willies, and each turn of a corner makes me wonder how children can stay here forty hours a week.

The cameras.

The cameras may be what’s doing it. A quick glance on the side will reveal three little letters: “A”, “M”, and “D”, three letters that almost elicit a punch to somewhere, if not the camera itself. Those three little letters stand for Anti-Monster Department, which is just as pleasant as it sounds. At first, I thought it was a scapegoat for everything we couldn’t do, but further research proved that those were all lies, that it was the one who was really initiating it all.

The monsters that can’t participate in the same classes as humans can. Blame it on the AMD, I used to say. The AMD’s causing it with its legislation, I say now.

The monsters that walk home without an occupation when their human peers aren’t quite as adept. Blame it on the AMD, I used to say. The AMD’s causing it with its legislation, I say now.

The monsters that come to the hospitals, battered here and there. Blame it on the AMD, I used to say.

Blame it on the AMD, I say now.

Papyrus taps me on the shoulder, and I know. He doesn’t like me to dwell on anything this negative, and neither do I want to, deep down. So I turn away, looking back a little first, and then head to the library. The signs say the library’s supposed to be nice and quiet, but except on occasions where he’s in his room, my oldest never really is quiet.

Neither are the two around him, either. There’s one to his left whose name is Chara, rolling his eyes and trying to get the whole of them to study. But on his right, there’s someone new, someone I haven’t ever seen before. Huh. Must be a new student.

This is one of his tutoring sessions, and even when both he and I know he’s fully capable of getting home on his own, it still brings a hefty smile to my face to see Papyrus’ light up. And both Sans and I know that for a fact. I walk up to him, the mold from the forgotten school vents blowing into my face, while Papyrus starts shifting around the library, going off to the fiction section whereas I would be combing the science section. He tells another joke, no doubt on what they’re studying… “guys, we gotta go back to studyin’, otherwise, we’ll be a lot more DENSE…”.

I tap his shoulder, and the corners of his smile retreat back to where they were, but the smile is still there. “Sorry. Gotta go back home.” He tapped my shoulder right back. “Dadster here says I gotta go.”

“Awww!” says the kid to the right, and I try to look at her, but she reminds me of the times before I was steeped in work, so I look back at Sans, the floor, Sans again. “But we’ve just started-”

Sans chuckles. “Kiddo, it’s been an hour.” He heaves off of the bean bag chair, and I walk over to Papyrus, steeped in some sort of mystery novel that’s sucking him in so that his nose is just barely hovering off of the page.

“Paps.”

Nothing.

“Papyrus.”

Still nothing.

It comes with the territory, the doctor said even after reviewing my qualifications. Kids on the spectrum tend not to reply, the doctor said. Touching them isn’t a good idea, either, the doctor says. So getting his attention is about as hard as making flerovium, which is about as hard as herding a cat lady’s entire colony.

But after a few minutes- he tells me he finished the chapter- we all pile into the minivan, Sans still in tow, and head home. Papyrus pops in Led Zeppelin, played obsessively. But it’s not because it’s the type of music that he likes. It’s the type of music I like, which is why he plays it over and over again.

The recorders just start to set in in the first minute of the song when Sans, forever condemned to the back seat because of his height, starts to talk.

“Dad?”

“Yes, son?” I have to turn down the music, Papyrus almost protesting.

“You know the new girl that I was tutoring today, right?”

“Yes; continue.”

“She asked me somethin’ even I can’t answer. An’ because you’re a fancy-pants scientist with a fancy-pants degree, I thought you could.”

“Alright.” I sat up taller in my seat.

“She asked if.. well, I don’t know how to… if… if scientists think it’s okay to kill people in comas.”

What?

I try to pull over, but it ends up more as a swerve, and a black car that’s been riding our tail this whole time honks as it blows right by us. Papyrus shouts as we head into the parking lane, the car jolting forward slightly. A month on the surface means that I’m not very well acquainted with “driving” yet.

“What did you say, son?!” My heart’s still going faster than the car ever went.

“Dad, I asked if comatose-”

“Nono. I know what you said. It’s just that-”

Euthanization? Euthanization? I’ve never talked to them about this before. Besides, why would the girl sitting next to him… a girl only about ten years old… ask something like that? What happened to her? What could have possibly made her ask this? How could she possibly get an answer?

I took a breath.

How could I possibly give an answer?

“Alright, son. Who is this girl who asked this? And why did she ask this? What happened with her? Do you know?”

“Her name’s Betty-she’s been in the school for a month or two- and she knows a lot, and- Dad, I- Dad, please, I don’t know, I-”

Betty, huh?

I take a breath. Another. Another. One question is all he can take. All I can take.

“What was her SOUL color?”

If she was purple, that may be able to explain it. Perseverance SOULs are much more inquisitive than the average SOUL, and were in fact the majority of the lineup of those who want to take the job I have at the university. If it were yellow, then that would explain it also. Justice SOULs are keen to achieve virtually whatever social goal they need, and if this “Betty” had a Justice SOUL, that may have explained it.

But it was what he said that made everything go to shambles. That made everything crumble into bits, that started the fire that wouldn’t stop, that never stops.

“No, Dad. It’s-”

He has to take a breath, too. A deep one.

“It’s pink.”

#glitchtale #glitchtale anniversary #camila cuevas

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what-ever-happened-to-chip · 3 years

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Marcus/Lana story I wrote, takes place after Gray had his freak out in the kitchen in the last story.

Marcus didn't release my hand the entire walk to his bedroom. He pushed the door lightly shut and dug in his deep pockets for his cigarettes. Marcus' hands were soft from lack of doing just about anything with them and his bulged knuckles locked safely between mine. Although he always loved to talk, it seemed like now he didn't just want to, he needed to. "Heyaa...you alright?" Gotta start somewhere Lana. "Yes would be a vague statement on the matter, but yes I am ultimately okay." He exhaled the thick Pall Mall smoke. He gave me a reassuring smile. "Any incidence like the such can shake someone, we are all made to preserve our mind and body and to see both at jeopardy leads essentially back to our own selfish motives of survival. A crass reminder, but a neccesary one." "Yeah I guess I'm sorta used to it being in camp by now. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing." "Would you excuse me for just one moment, dear." He gently placed my hand on my own knee. As he swiftly exited the room, I could feel the warmth leave my hand. My eyes gazed around his room. He was neatish, but very cluttered. Spread across his desk was piles of notebooks and books, notecards with his immaculate penmanship jotting ideas, overflowing ashtrays 90% pall mall filters. His closet was packed to the brim with blazers, cardigans, many dulled colors of the rainbow mismatched together. He loved clothes and took the pride to dress up in his own unique fashion everyday. These thoughts made me love him more. 'THIS IS BOOOORING, she's just sitting there, let's follow Marcus and see what he's doing until she gets back." "Perhaps he is only using the faciluties." I was gonna show him wrong, check and mate, camera engaged to Marcus, and bam, harry was right. Marcus at a reasonable fast pace, hands in pocket, walked down the stairs and turned the corner on to the third door on the right. He gently knocked and called out, "Denny, would this be a bad time to inquire for your time?" "Uh shit, hold on.." "Oh my god Aiden don't, he'll see" "Babe, it's cool, chill..." "whisper whisper....whisper" The door swung open. Jenn was rearranging loose strands of hair while trying to hold the comforter over her exposed bra. She was always jealous to give up alone time with Aiden, but Marcus was his friend and he needed a best friend, especially a cool one like Marcus. "Whatchu need homes?" "Would you be able to spare a gram for the night, a sharp too? I have been outta stock at the present time. "Yeah fer sure, if Joni hasn't fucking washed me out. For a bitch that can get free drugs whenever she wants, she seems to never have any of her own shit. Gray has ghosted the bitch so she's crawling around my shit these days." In a little flower shaped box, Jenn had lovingly gave all Aiden's "shit" a proper place to live in the bedroom. No twice used needles in her perfect little world. Marcus laughed in his head at the concept of a girlfriend being more worried about the physical mess of addiction rather than the cause it had on the boyfriend in case. However, the only annoyance drugs had in Jenn's life was it meant Aiden would talk to his friends more. Aiden held out the box like a bowl of candy and Marcus proceeded to pick out a 1/2 inch rock and assorted tools for the activity. "Thank you good friend, we'll converse tomorrow. Goodnight, Jenavieve." Most of Aiden's friend didn't bother acknowledge Jenn, it felt good that Marcus always at least gave her a greeting or a goodbye, sometimes both. They hugged each other tightly, for almost a full minute. Aiden rested his head on Marcus's shoulder like a toddler. Marcus closed his eyes and held a soft smile. Harry was bored. Thank god he was finally leaving. Oh fuck. "Ayyye ya Marcus, how ya doin?" Harry boringly sat through another 20 minute conversation him and Gippal had about dead romantic languages. This was so stupid, he never thought he hated Gippal until this moment. "Of course, to interpret any eastern religions, namingly Hinduism, Buddhism would never be the proper message without rudimentary knowledge of traditional Sanskrit, we could only roughly use Hindi to roughly define it, but well, jo hai no hai." They both let out pretentious laughs. "Well yeah, but couldn't ya say that about dead greek, latin, and all the like? Lots of those Christian fanatics like to use Latin instead of language, makes it deeper er something like that." he leaned back and clicked his tongue for no apparant reason. "Well fanatic indeed is the key word their, seemingly Christianity's domination of the whole western world led to Latin's prevelance yet today, however Sanskrit is actually still spoken as a live changeble language. The difference between a dead language lies not in the fact their are speakers still, but rather the ability to alter and update language to our modern needs." "I guessum, but maybe the inflexibility makes the language more understandable, certainly easier to learn, hell, sed quid scio?" "Clearly you know a great deal, my friend." This was so gay. Harry couldn't give a fuck about language or latin or anyone of it. He knew some Latin cause of his spells, but he didn't need to speak it. Just speak English, i'm sick of having to put on the translators just to get a joke. Oh thank god they are finishing up. Finally. "Indeed somethign to think about. Very well, Satyricon amicus~" "Oib, oib. facile accipere pitto" "I detect by your accent shift that was Al Bhed?" "oui kud ed syh, hmmm, lmajan" "That's just it, written Al Bhed is an easy cryptograph, so I am more or less fluent there, but spoken I have not quite grasped the dialect." "You got it man, just like any other, you gots to talk with it. Yer good at talkin so it shouldn't be no problemo" "Indeed so, I only find it would be fair to speak Lana, and your, natural language, makes for better conversation to speak the way another thinks." "How's that girlie doin' these days?" "Oh quite well, but to know for sure i'd better get back to her company" "Do yer thang man, I gotta work on some....." he began muttering whatever bullshit to himself and pacing away. Fucking finally he proceeded back to where Harry wanted him. That was super annoying.

The slouched Lana perked up at the sight of him returning. She'd paced the room and looked through his writings, he didn't ever have a concern for privacy and if he did he would never tell her, he would merely just keep it a secret. She was used to being patient when it came to Marcus. He wasn't neccesarily easily distracted, but easily engaged in whatever was around him. She hated herself for being disappointed that he brought back H. "I'm sorry I kept you so long darling, as we rest society continues to thrive." He used many pet names with people, however darling he seemed to save for more special situations. She felt more relieved. It was cute seeing them together, but Harry wanted more. He needed more. "Fuck this i'm drugging her to ask him questions, i hate waiting for the bitch to do something. " "Indeed so Harry Potter." As much as Harry loved the sound of his own name, it was starting to bother him the way Christian kept saying it, like he was mocking him. Harry opened a secret cabinet to the left of the monitors and began scanning around for the proper potion to guide the situation into what he wanted. "Mmmmmm I think I'll use a dash of love, a bit of truth....." He busily mixed away. Christian sat completely still, but scanned the room thouroughly with his eyes. "That's the magic touch! Okay this should make her start asking him things that might make things funner..mwah haha...." "More fun." "Excuse moi?" "Funner is not a proper word. The expression would be 'more fun'" This guy was really getting on his fucking nerves. Ugh. He placed the potion in the vaporizer, isolated to only work on Lana and pumped it through the vents of Marcus's room. Immediatly the effects engaged. Lana uncontrolablly began to talk before comprehending fully what she had thought. "I thought you weren't using lately?" Oh god she sounded like a bitchy controlling girlfriend, but she really was just curious. Who was she kidding she was bothered and she didn't know why. He never got annoyingly high, he always coasted at a light level, stayed attentive and active in the conversation. Since the day she met him he was a drug user so why now would she want it to change? She truly hated being 'this girl.' Dammit. Why did she say that? "Of course I wasn't lately, but a break would not be a break if one did not return would it, just simply the way things were." He smiled warmly again and excused himself to the bathroom. He knew she didn't like watching him do it, so it was considerate of him, but a pang of loneliness ran over her. Moments later he returned a wave of contentment ran over him, yet she still wanted to talk. "So are you using because you got by upset by before?" Fuck Lana, why do you keep saying these things? Stupid, stupid. "Perhaps there is a connection there, of course, any sitution like that not only is alarmingly in it's own right, it's probably the past associations I share like any human does. Familiar negative stimuli. And well comfort is occasionally do." He went silent and pondered on the wall for a moment. He beginning scurrying around behind his worn out recliner he spent the better part of his time in when he was alone. He pulled out a wooden guitar and begin picking random chords. "Sure, it just seemed you....whatever. I don't know what I'm saying." "Lana dear, are you feeling well? You seem to be rather confused in your sentiments. I mean that in no way condescending, really are you alright?" "Yeah I just wanna know you're okay I guess, not hiding." "I am well, however certain thoughts have the tendency to make one over think so i'd rather level my brain out and find a way to express it more productively." "I guess, but....." She wanted to be careful to not say anything else stupid, but all her thoughts felt like diarrhea spewing out of her mouth. She didn't even mean all the thigns she said, they were just stupid insecurities that passed though, they weren't her. Were they? Dammit, dammit.

"Lana i'd like to show you a song I had written a long time ago, one that reminds myself of this feeling."

Song

Harry was on the edge of his seat. He fucking loved when kareoke/watching people came together so neatly. He could feel his jeans get tight. Lana watched him intently, trying to catch every word, tears welled in her eyes and she couldn't help but to fall even deeper. Fuck why does he do this to my head. "Wow that was......beautiful. I wish I was better with words. That was...." As she rose from the bed, he moved the guitar aside to make a seat for her on his lap. they sat in silence for a moment as he rocked the chair back and forth to lull them. "Perhaps times where words are at a loss is when music is essential. Of course, I could say something, but well I figure it gets the point across." "hey Marcus, i was just wondering.....what are we?" His eyebrow raised in genuine confusion and turned her on his lap to be face to face. "What are we you ask....as in the title given to the intimacy we share? We've been over this dear, I've never needed the security of labels to define what I share with the ones in my life." "I mean yeah. I know.......but Liza wasn't she your girlfriend, what made her different. I mean I get it if you felt a different way....but I guess after all this time, I don't know. I'm being stupid." "Stupid? No never, what possibly gives you that idea? Oh Liza.....yes my 'girlfriend' Liza, a term she demanded be told to all our companions to solidify her insecurity with the situation. I honestly felt that it made no difference other than the way other's view a connection, but the power of word does hold a weight in our lives. Language is a strong tool, but not the only one, of course. Could you elaborate what it is you desire from this?" Lana's cheeks flushed. Jesus is this how Memo felt every time she talked to a boy? This is horrible, no wonder she doesn't like dating. "I guess it's not always I need to know, just sometimes you seem you forget about me. Like your devotion... wow that's a gay word....comes and goes." She felt even stupider now, why couldn't she stop talking? It was like diarrhea coming out of her mouth. Fat chance he's gonna like me the same after this. I'm just the same insecure girl he's met 100 times. "Lana I wish you would tell me your first reaction rather than the contrived one you think I wanted to hear. This isn't like you." His eyebrows began to tighten into a concerned look. "Talk seems like it might only make you feel more minimilized, here let me play your song again. It seems our memories don't always stay constant in this camp. I know I had a memory of playing it, but it's as if someone erased it from our minds to try and relive the experience." He briefly glanced directly into the camera. Fuck he was on to Harry. How did he know that he purposely erased it so Marcus could sing it again like the first time? Whatever, it was working exactly how Harry wanted. Bingo.

Next Song

Two songs in my watching. Harry was rock hard. This was good so good. "Damn that was so CUHH YOOOT! You know they're your fav couple now too J, just admit it." "J?" "I didn't say that, why would I be thinking about J? He's actually gotten pretty boring and annoying, i say Jay like the name, it's a nickname we used at hogwarts to mean friend." "You do not need to lie to me Harry Potter, the results are futile." Lana pulled Marcus's hand and led him to the queen bed in the middle of the room. The slowly began removing clothing and kissing softly. They proceeded to make love, not fuck, for many hours. Harry got shy and turned the camera off.

"Do you fear intimacy Harry Potter?"

"noooo I just think it gets boring when people just screw forever and don't talk about things. On that note Harry pulled his robe around his body and scurried away to the restroom.

Christian remained in his seat. Smiling.

#cheeseskittles #marcus #lana #harry #christian #i know i did them in kareoke but originally i had them here #so enjoy

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d0ntworry-b3happy · 3 years

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Life Update - February 2021

Okay so it’s been a while. I left tumblr a few years ago because my dashboard became nothing but negativity and logging on made me more depressed. It wasn’t a good place for my mental health. But I’m back... Maybe? This time instead of being 19 and living in the city, I live in the country and I am now a mom. To a 17 month old toddler. Oh and I am 22. You’re probably saying, “Wow, no one cares.” and you are probably right. But I need somewhere to vent. And writing in my journal for an hour every evening won’t help my carpal tunnel (I am getting old). So you’re stuck with me tumblr.

Being a mom has most definitely changed me. I am more reserved and I look at everything cautiously now; whereas before I would go out by myself in the city at night without a care in the world & complete disregard if I would make it home alive.

Now at night, I put my daughter to bed around 7:30pm and spend my time washing baby bottles, packing her daycare lunches and folding laundry. I am avidly cleaning up after her when she is awake so that I have little to do come night time. Very rarely do I sit down and watch a movie. And if I can make it through without falling asleep, I will call that a win in my books. I love my daughter so incredibly much, but I just find myself wanting to scream into a pillow. Having a toddler is so much more work than an infant. I wasn’t ready for all the big changes. Especially tantrums and attitude being slung at me in violent baby gibberish.

My boyfriend, who is quite recent as of December (met in October), spends the evenings sometimes and when he does, not much gets done besides sleeping. We both work so much and are exhausted, so cuddling up to watch Naruto is how most of our evenings end. He’s a nice guy and he’s really sweet when he wants to be. But a lot of our relationship is solely based on him. I’ve expressed my concerns and feelings. He’s agreed to work on it as he’s still trying to incorporate another person (especially one who is a mother) into his life. I appreciate it, but I’ve been single since my daughters father left me at 9 weeks pregnant (March 2019) I am not used to having a boyfriend... So I have some learning to do too, I suppose.

I guess lately, I’ve just felt like I am constantly running to catch up with how fast paced my life has become... Then right before I can grab it in my finger tips, it darts further down & away. If I am not chasing my daughter, I am chasing bills, if not bills - work emails/assignments, if not work assignments - my tarnished relationship with my family. I know it might not sound like much, but mentally it weighs on me. A lot of the time, I push my feelings down because I genuinely don’t have time to deal with them. My days are constantly scheduled down to the very last second. And they are all the same. Throw in a teething or sick baby to that mix, and tell me you wouldn’t feel the same way. I am constantly in the negative in my bank accounts and I don’t qualify for any government assistant. Yes, we survive but I am rubbing my fucking penny’s folks. I’m going to have to start selling feet pics or something.

If you’ve read this, I am sorry if you feel like I wasted a couple minutes of your life. Truly. But as mentioned above, I need to vent.

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quailthekenku · 3 years

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From brainstorms of a history project

(Tw: Caps, negative self talk, executive dysfunction)

Basically a vent that dissolved into me writing down anything that I thought of while in history class :b

(bolded for convenience sorry not sorry)

Why? Why can’t I bring myself to do anything? Why am I like this? Quail just do the thing? The research??? You need to do that??? Why am I not doing that?????? Why am I just scrolling pinterest and writing whatever this is? I’m just writing nonsense instead of using the full period my teacher’s giving me to work on my homework? Why can’t I just do that?!

Bree boop boop bree boop boop bree boop boop bre bop bop bre bop boop brebebooooooooop

-_-

sigh

I’m just writing whatever comes to mind I guess.

Shouldn’t I get to work on my project?

Why aren’t I doing this… Why can’t I just get to doing it……..All I can think of is eating lunch later but I know that means I’m gonna waste an entire period until then and then I’m gonna procrastinate about it and not tell my parents about it and sit there at home wondering why I didn’t just tell them in the first place.

I could just talk to the teacher and tell them I’m thinking of changing my person.

There’s hardly any information on him.

Henry VIII, I mean.

At least, nothing relative to the renaissance. The only thing he did basically was have six wives and gain control over the church in order to marry one of them.

That’s it.

How the frick am I supposed to stretch that into 8 slides without bluffing and padding the heck out of it? There’s no way not to do that. I’m doomed. I’m gonna fail history. All because I didn’t do this one assignment I was supposed to do.

Good job, me. GOOD FREAKING JOB. JUST DO THE EFFING RESEARCH. IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED. CHANGE TO A DIFFERENT PERSON.

But what if that window’s already closed and asking them is just gonna be unhelpful and he has to explain that I should have had it all figured out way before now. ,:< only need to write a few bullet points on him anyway.

I can switch to talking about other figures while pretending to be him I guess? SIDE EFFECTS OF CORN ARE… CHOKING. I GUESS. Lol that meme was so funi Slimesicle is a cool guy

but I wish he didn’t swear so I could watch his channel more :(

Lol this is just a dialogue of all my inner thoughts now isn’t it XD

Wait am I gonna post this somewhere? Probably not. But if I did I’d probably have to edit out the big vent spiral I just went through.

Ooh this song is rly good! what’s the name of it again? Catch by Jaron? It’s really good. I’m totally gonna listen to this later.

Very calming :D

Sigh and now how much time have I wasted? Why can’t I just get to researching? GET TO RESEARCHING QUAIL OR YOU’RE DEFINITELY GONNA REGRET IT.

I’m wondering if I really am quoigender? But I don’t think so… I mean I know I’m a girl obvi but I sometimes feel really boyish or kind of nonbi? But not completely. Like not Imma-turn-into-a-boy-now intensity. But like I don’t really like skirts or pink or those 100% feminine things but I’m also kind of-

How cool would it be if I got the right side of my hair cornrowed? Like just that side? It would be so cool :0 I could wear it in a ponytail off to one side or I could have the rest of my hair off one shoulder and it would look really really cool :3

🎶On the freezing sun, warmth, take each others hands and we would run, cold ran the autumn sky🎶

Man I love Jack Stauber he’s such a cool song artist.

I love fall too :0 The beautiful oranges and light sweaters were really nice

Do I really want my hair braided? I’ll lose the puffiness of my hair Noooooooo

🎶I wanna get lighter🎶

🎶I gotta get lighter🎶

🎶We’re bout to go up baby, up we go🎶

🎶Up baby, up we go🎶

🎶Blowin up speakers🎶

Gratatatattaatatatatattataattatatatatattatatatata

What on earth is that fluttery thing people keep talking about? When you just look at them and suddenly it’s like you turned from black and white to colors and they’re all swirling around that person and you feel like if you left them then everything would fade back to grey-

OMG I LOVE THIS SONG G A S P

🎶WE USED TO HAVE IT ALL🎶

🎶BUT NOW’S OUR CURTAIN CALL🎶

🎶SO HOLD FOR THE APPLAUSE🎶

🎶WHOAAH🎶

🎶WAVE OUT TO THE CROWD🎶

🎶TAKE OUR FINAL BOWS🎶

🎶OH IT’S OUR TIME TO GO🎶

🎶BUT AT LEAST WE STOLE THE SHOW-WW🎶

🎶AT LEAST WE STOLE THE SHOW🎶

Oh gawd the teacher just walked past I need to start working but I’m doing something else why aren’t I doing that everyone else is working on it I’m gonna fall behind he’s changing my grade right now isn’t he I’m gonna fail I’m gonna fail I’m so gonna fail -

Ok Quail, it’s gonna be ok just calm yourself. Calm. Calm. You’ll figure it out.

WHAT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGURE IT OUT I CAN’T DO THIS IM GONNA FAIL AND EVERYONE IS GOING TO HATE ME OH GOD

No they will not, we'll be fine. And how does taking a mental break even begin to affect your relationships?

…

#adhd #vent #Jack Stauber #History #School #Smooth #Capital Letters #Stole The Show #executive dysfunction

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donttouchthegun · 6 years

Text

It’s Okay, And I Love You.

Hi everybody!!

So, I know it’s been awhile since I actually posted anything but I just wanted to say I hope everyone had a great holiday season! And, if not? I’m so sorry.

If you didn’t have a nice break with family and friends, if you didn’t get any presents because you can’t afford them, if your biggest worry this season was whether or not you’d get to eat sometime soon and you’re still just struggling to get by? I completely understand, and it’s okay. I still love you for it.

If you went back to self harm? It’s okay, and I love you. If you made yourself sick after eating because you couldn’t stand the thought of keeping it down? It’s okay, and I love you. If you downed more pills than you should have? It’s okay, and I love you. If you’re feeling ashamed or guilty because you feel such hatred towards your family, and you feel like you can’t feel that way? It’s okay, and I love you. If you’re overweight and you have been binge eating all through the holiday and you feel disgusting and guilty for even thinking of touching food? It’s okay, and I love you. You are not worthless, you are not a disgrace, you are not unworthy of love. You do not deserve the pain you feel. You do not deserve to be treated like shit for things you can’t control.

Did you have fake it through another month of Christmas music and Sunday church services with an unconvincing smile on your face? Did you yet again listen to countless relatives talk about nothing but politics and insult the LGBTQ+ community, and had to sit quietly pretending that you agreed or just didn’t hear because everything they are saying applies to you? Did you worry so much that you cried yourself to sleep some nights because your mind is nothing but a beehive of nervous irrationalities that eat away at you in the dark? Did you return to old habits? Eat one more cookie than you probably should have and feel regret about it? Lie straight to your mother’s face to preserve your relationship and keep yourself safe from slurs and backlash and hatred? Get back into a relationship that everyone says isn’t good for you but no one else is there when you need them?

It’s okay, and I love you.

I’m in this boat too, and so are so many others just like us. December is a time for most people to at least put on a damn good liar’s face and smile through the holidays, sing about love and family and giving instead of receiving. But, there are plenty of us who spent Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, the Solstice, or whatever other holiday you or your family celebrates dying inside. Maybe you were broken up with on Christmas Eve. Maybe seeing snow always makes you scared to drive. Maybe this time is the anniversary of losing a loved one, or December always puts you in a position of questioning your faith because you’re terrified that if you’re wrong you’ll burn for it. And maybe, maybe you don’t know why you feel sad at all because you should be fine when you have everything but you just feel lost.

Whatever the reason is, I hope that anyone who had a December that wasn’t ideal is doing alright, or at least seeking help if not. I want you to know I care for you for you, no matter who you are, no matter your looks, your weight, your mental state, your race, your sexuality, your gender identity, your religion, or your political views. You’re a person, and that means you matter to me, and you matter to other people in your life as well, even if you don’t know it.

This may not even be your family. Though they’ll always claim to, you family might not always have your best interest at heart because they don’t know the real you or they simply don’t care. This could just be a friend from school, even if it’s the only one you have. This could be someone you met online who you immediately connected with because of all your similarities and who you talk to whenever you can. This can be a secret admirer, someone you don’t even realize has feelings for you And is too scared to come forward about it. It could even be someone you’ve forgotten about, someone you knew once long ago but haven’t talked to in so long that you hardly remember their last name, but maybe they still remember yours and would jump at the opportunity to talk with you again.

I encourage everybody who is struggling or suffering to talk to somebody. A therapist may work for some people, but for others the best medicine could be talking with friends. It could be venting on social media, even if your account does not reveal your actual identity. It could be talking to yourself- Writing in a journal is a therapeutic and judgement-free activity that provides an outlet to release stress and explain everything you need to get out however you choose to express yourself. Also, texting the crisis line and asking the advice someone someone who can look at your situation through an outside, unbiased view can offer at least some hope and a bit of advice if nothing else seems to click for you. (Even if you are not suicidal or having any suicidal thoughts or urges, Crisis Text Line provides users a free, 24 hour 7 days a week text service for those who struggle with depression, anxiety, and a wide multitude of other conditions that impact the brain negatively. The number to text is 741742, and you can find their site along with any additional info for here.)

There are countless people who are dealing with countless reasons that explain why they are not happy during this time of year. That’s the case for the rest of the year as well, but it seems that December brings out the worst of it. December does, however, have the lowest rating of suicides than any other month. More suicides occur in spring or summer than they do in December. It seems as though this month just brings forth a wave of painful thoughts and memories, most likely because although the holidays are a time for family, many people have secrets that they are hiding from their blood relatives and feel shameful of them because of the atmosphere. But whatever he reason for your dread in December of 2017, I have a few tips for you to try and release some of your emotions, keep yourself under control, and feel better about the winter months:

-Keep a journal I mentioned this earlier but this is a really good idea for everybody, not just those who are depressed. Journals allow you to write whatever you please with no judgement to be passed and no one to tell you that you’re wrong or you can’t write it. You can write as much or as little as you want- You could even keep a journal in the form of creative expression. Instead of writing, try drawing something that portrays the emotions you can’t vocally explain. Try writing some music notes that express how you’ve been feeling on a particular day. You don’t have to write full entries or complete entire drawings or write whole compositions of music if you don’t want to. It’s your journal. You have control over it. And the best part is that no one has to know what’s inside except for you, and you still were able to get out everything that was stuck inside your head.

-Writing poetry As much as many people are disgusted by it, poetry is one of the most expressive ways in which you can release your feelings. Many people grow a distaste for poetry through years of being forced to study and analyze the same classes poems from the same historic authors all throughout high school and middle school English classes, but there is a poem for everything. Anything you can possibly think of that you enjoy, anything you can conjure up in your mind, someone has written a poem about it. And if they haven’t, then you can. There are no rules. There are no guidelines. It can be as straightforward or as abstract as you wish. It can rhyme and be 10 lines or it can be freestyle and stretch on for 7 pages. There’s no limits to what you can do with poetry, which is one of the reasons why so many people with such different backgrounds and experiences and interests enjoy it. Poetry is one of the few things in the world you can truly make your own that no one can ever tell you is wrong. In poetry there is no wrong word or line, there is only room for you to better express your ideas.

-Cooking/Baking Even if you’re terrible in the kitchen and could manage to burn without turning on the stove, there are tons of recipes online that are easy to learn and user friendly. There are also likely old family recipes that you may have strewn about somewhere in the remnents of your kitchen, and if not I’ve provided some links to several different beginner-level recipes that anyone can figure out with some practice. (If you find any others you enjoy let people know about them! Don’t just keep it to yourself, talk about it with others who enjoy culinary arts. Tell them special things you did to the recipe to make it your own, give them advice if they’re a bit newer to cooking than you are, or just have fun talking about favorite dishes you’ve made! Try and spread some love guys!) Cooking and baking are things that let you relax and experiment at the same time. There’s something almost therapeutic about following the steps of a recipe, and it’s a great way to try out new foods or discover if you have a hidden passion in culinary skills. You can add in or take out any ingredients you don’t like (As long as they are not essential to properly bake the recipe, you can’t take flour out of a cake) And you can try different things each time as you grow more experienced with your skill and your ability to maneuver in a kitchen. It also feels incredible when you successfully execute a recipe, and it’s even better when you can provide food for someone and they compliment your ability. You can truly be proud of something you made and it will likely inspire you to continue trying out more recipes and dishes.

Chicken dinner

Easy rice

Simple Thanksgiving turkey

Sugar cookies

Vanilla cake

Gluten free - This is a site I’ve found that allows you to search for recipes and it will provide you with gluten free results, for any of you guys who can’t digest gluten or are sticking to a specific diet.

Dairy free - This site is similar to the gluten free site, it provides options for recipes that do not contain or require dairy for anyone who is lactose intolerant or allergic to dairy products.

Vegetarian - This is a site with some recipes listed that are designed for vegetarians. The recipes are all super easy and vary in their ingredients to provide a variety of options and meals.

-Arts and Crafts I had to include this one because as silly and childish as it sounds and seems, arts and crafts are an incredible way to relieve stress and let yourself have some fun. Go out and buy a spin art kit, and go crazy with the colors. Look up some DIY fun crafts for when you have nothing better to do. Buy some yarn and learn how to knit or crochet a scarf for somebody (Or yourself.) Arts and crafts are just serious enough that they provide you with an engaging activity that can lead you to a product you can be proud of that didn’t take up tons of time, but it’s just ridiculous enough that if you mess up or go a little off the rails you won’t get too angry with yourself because it’s just for fun. Tell me you can get mad at yourself because you glued on a googly eye that was a bit bigger than the other one or because you accidentally painted your reindeer’s antler’s the same color you were supposed to paint him so now his antlers just match his fur. You can’t, because it’s all for just some silly fun, and the most carefree time of a person’s life is when they are a kid. Because when you’re little kid you don’t have a job, you don’t have romantic relationships, you don’t have SAT’s and finals to worry about, you don’t have colleges to apply to and essays to write for scholarships to reduce the price of those colleges because you can’t afford them, you don’t pay taxes, you don’t worry about religion or politics or societal expectations. You’re just a kid. Your biggest wonder in life is whether or not you’re having spaghetti or tacos for dinner later in the night. So go and let yourself be a kid again. Indulge in something mindless, something that lets you have fun and not think about what your doing. It really is one of the most helpful ways to overcome pressure and stress.

-Listening to music And lastly- This one seems kind of obvious I know- But listening to your favorite music really does help you feel better about your day. If you just had a really terrible day where you got screamed at by your parents or your teacher, or you forgot to study for a big test and you knew the moment you looked at the first question you were going to fail, I wouldn’t suggest coming home and listening to lots of heavy metal with people screaming into your ears. There are times when you need music like that- When you’re furious and frustrated and you feel rage bottling itself up inside you, listening to something intense can help you express those emotions through loud noise and intense vibrations resonating in your ears. However, when your body is under a lot of stress and anxiety it biologically responds better to more relaxing, calming stimulations. I’m not saying you have to come home and listen to opera music (Though I personally enjoy it) But you should find something more soothing for your mind to focus on. Listen to some alternative songs. Try out classic rock (Not super intense stuff guys, songs with a steady beat and a melody you enjoy) Or you could even try listening to classical piano if you need to read for a test or a project. Research actually shows that when listening classical piano while engaging in homework, high school students tended to perform better on tests and be more well-informed on research topics. Classical music creates an environment where your brain can focus on what its reading, and it retains the information better. (Here is a link to one of the research articles about this study, but you can search for some of your own information about the theory as well if you’d like more information) Whether you’re studying, frustrated, or just had a bad day for whatever reason, music is a go to solution that many of us don’t realize we are using as therapy, but we are. We all connect to some type of music for some reason. We all have a song we know that we swear was written about our own lives. Music connects all of us in some way or another, and using it as an outlet for emotion is both an excellent and a popular method for maintaining our mental states of mind.

Remember that when you see somebody smiling, you’re only seeing what they want you to see, and they could easily be crying out for help with no way to get it. It’s easy for us to shield their true feelings because so many people take others at face value, when lots of us are simply crying behind the mask. Over half of people who stopped themselves from committing suicide did so because of just one little thing. Someone asked them how their day was, somebody prepaid for their meal at a fast food restaurant, they were told they did a good job at work or school. It could be as simple as someone saying they liked their outfit today. It doesn’t take much to make someone’s day, but it takes even less to ruin it, and something as simple as a sideways look as they walk past could be enough to convince them that they’re hated and worthless and judged by everyone around them. When some people make a stupid comment in class or get an answer wrong they simply laugh with their friends and move on, but others hold onto it for weeks at a time and can’t walk into that room without feeling sick at the ever looping memory of words that everyone else in the room forgot about before class ended. People are hurting, and although it’s more evident during December, it’s still not always easy to tell who is hiding and who is really showing you their true face.

Well guys, I’m sorry this post was so long, but I feel like I really needed to say all of this. Let people know that they matter. Talk to your friends, talk to those you care about, talked to your significant other or spouse. Ask them how they’re doing, check up on any tough situations you know they’ve been in recently, and let them know that even if they don’t want to talk about it or if they feel as if they’re lost that you care for them and that they matter. And if you’re on the reverse end, talk to those who are reaching out to help you. Even if you don’t tell them the whole story, even if you don’t know why you’re so upset, even if you just tell them that you’ve been struggling lately, let somebody know that you’re not okay. It’s not healthy or rewarding to hold it all it. It only causes greater amounts of stress that- As it accumulates- Will make every bad situation worse because it will just be piled onto the ever growing mountain of problems within your head. Try some of these methods, suggest some of your own if you have any, and talk to the people you care about. And try your best not to spread hatred towards others. Don’t tease them for their clothes, don’t avoid them because of their status, don’t judge them because they live with a family that doesn’t care for them. If you’re struggling this December, this year, or ever in your life, I’m so tremendously sorry that you’re going through this. Pain is the hardest thing to forget, and the most commonly referenced emotion throughout human history. It’s the binding feeling we all experience at some point or another, and there’s so many different types but it all hurts. As people, as towns, as cities and countries and continents, as a society, we all hurt. And I know it’s hard. I know there’s nothing I can say that will change the situation you’re in, but I’m really wishing that something in this post gave you hope tonight. And if not, it’s okay, and I love you.

#December thoughts #Anxiety #Depression #Suicide #Suicidal thoughts #Ways to help #Spread positivity #Help others #Love others #Give hope #It’s okay and I love you

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