#sometimes things dont work out and its fine to acknowledge that possibility

[rust-is-a-car-disease]

Vtk hc(s) ✨

Cassian and water things to do with how he died (water, awareness, miscellaneous, falling)

All of this is from memory so im not sure if its accurate. Either way its fun to think about! If i remember correctly he fell/got thrown off (idr remember) a cliff into the ocean.

*water may also refer to relevent liquids in general

Cassian is afraid of being submerged in water. He may be uncomfortable depending on the amount of water hes in and how deep it is and stuff like that but being fully submerged is immediate panic. On bad days he tries to avoid water all together. (This becomes a problem to stay hydrated) A lot of the times, not being able to easily touch the bottom with his head still sticking out also causes panic. The exception is very good days and even then he struggles a lot. Baths are a no. He spends minimal time if hes in a place that could hold water, depending on how much it could hold and his mood. Ex. If hes having a shower on a bad day in a bathtub like in a hotel or smtg, he wouldnt spend a lot of time other then absolute nessecary to make sure hes clean. (This might just be me projecting how easy it is for me to overthink things.) If hes say, in a place that could flood like a flood prone basement and its raining, he would get the heck out immediately if theres nothing urgent to do there.

Oh! And other aspects other than just bodies of water. He wont drink salty drinks. The ocean and wave sounds make him antsy. He hates the smell and taste of super salty stuff, esp ones that remind him of the ocean. He stays away from edges near water. He gets extra cautious near cliffs. He tends to keep an eye out for possible vantage points for snipers. Hes overall more paranoid and vigilant.

Another thing is falling. Its an iffy thing where sometimes it doesnt affect him, sometimes he can barely stand losing his balance. Its quite random but for the most part hes fine. Like he could fall down the stairs and feel mentally completely fine but sometimes he'd stumble a bit and feel out of breath from a moment of panic/expecting something to go wrong. The first time it happened he just stood there shocked for a bit.

Alternatively: he would subconsciously pick and choose certain things he'd still do above, but he would unknowingly for a while ignore the rest even if he feels like he should do it. Ex. He might still feel breathless from tripping or avoid salty drinks, one bc its unnavoidable and another bc its a more obvious point of memory (subconscious things are also unavoidable mostly), but ignore any discomfort from edges and stuff and so not being as careful as he would if he acknowledged the discomfort. He doesnt even realise he does it at all for a while, it just sorta happens. (I am probably projecting here)

Ehm before i forget, suffocation is kinda similar to drowning right? (Not really but i think it works) so he positions himself in a way where nothing would be covering his breathing on bad days. (This is more like a 'dont forget this!!!' For me... i think itll be interesting to think about how certain habits and actions would change after and comparing suffocation to drowning, overall i think it might not have as big an impact as other lasting effects)

I want to talk about how like the attacks and seeing jeff die and other stuff may affect him but i havent even fully formed those thoughts yet.

Ugh i also want to talk about temperature and other stuff but i am tired now. So this is more like a to think about list!

#vtk #villain to kill #it wasnt supposr to have this much text #but then i got thinking #so uhm aha #vtk headcanons #cassian lee #i probably have more to say but its pass 4.30am #HOLY SHIT I CAN MOVE PARAGRAPHS NOW?? #vtk cassian

[bunnys-beetlejuice-blog]

Hey! I love your Beetlejuice stories on A03, all of them are wonderful. Do you have any tips on writing the Maitlands? You write them so well, keeping them sweet while giving them depth.

you're so sweet! this got super long so its under a cut. please keep in mind that these are my interpretations of canon and you might disagree and that's totally fine!

Lemme break these into specifics for each one cause while theyre a matching set and should not be separated they're also pretty different! Barbara- the more out going one between the two of them, more willing to jump into new situations. i think of her as someone adam can lean on, and because of that their marriage is a little non traditional, despite what beej might say, since she's the one more likely to do things that scare her and sort of lead the two of them. barbara should be sweet, empathetic, and very patient, but also willing to put her foot down when it matters. she's a doormat no more. between the two of them, she's the one more interested in arts. while she might not like making pottery i think she's the more creative one - she apparently also started and gave up oil painting (the painting she smashes) i read her as someone who comes from religious trauma but that also might just be me putting my own baggage on her. she just feels like someone who would/could have been more outgoing if she hadnt been raised in a very traditional way, where women are a step below their husbands. i dont think that believe holds true in her marriage obviously but it's engrained to some degree that she needs to behave like the perfect wife/mother. this could also be part of where her anxiety about being a mother stems from (this part obviously is VERY personal to me and her character may not read that way to you, i acknowledge this i headcannon territory here) she's also willing to push adam into things that make him nervous, because she does want her husband to stand up for her. (that moment when beej is having his soliloquy, if you watch her she's arguing with adam and telling him to say something to beetlejuice, and that's the reason why adam interrupts him) in general i think she finds things that are odd and unusual to be more funny and interesting than scary - her laughing at beetlejuice's antics in the attic a lot come to mind. Adam - the more shy one. adam is someone who i read as having a fairly heavy degree of social anxiety (there are strangers downstairs! i didn't like strangers when i was alive-) and because of that he tends to overthink and be in his own head too much. adam's fatal flaw might be that he wants to sit down and puzzle through things instead of reacting. while it's good to keep a clear head sometimes you do need to react in the moment and stand up for yourself (which he learns by the end! go adam!!!) adam loves working with his hands. while barbara creates, adam maintains. he restores furniture and does woodworking. i do like to mix movie adam with musical adam a bit, because in the movie adam owns a hardware shop, and i think that vibe also fits musical adam as well. adam leans on barbara a lot - when beej is asking them to hire him, he looks helplessly to barbara, and he's always willing to follow her lead. in a sense she wears the pants, but it doesn't read as emasculating to me - barb's strength is leading and adam's is supporting. does not like to yell or wish people unwell. THAT GUY!! NEEDS!! therapy, i hope he gets the help he needs :( to me this, combined with him honestly thinking beej might be his dad for a moment, reads as someone who had a very turbulent early childhood. a negligent or possibly abusive father who disappeared early enough in his life that adam doesn't remember his face. maybe he doesnt like to yell because that's what his own father did, and he doesnt want to be like his dad. he wants to be better than that. his not knowing his father could also lead into his fear of becoming one - he didn't have a strong father figure growing up, and he's never had that behavior modeled for him

The Maitlands as one - they should be like two halves of a whole. barb might lead, but she never steps on adam. adam might support, but his own impute is never stifled. barbara will encourage adam to be more brave and outgoing. adam will help barbara keep her temper or talk through things that frustrate her. they're so in love it's kinda gross.

#answered asks #i hope this is helpful or makes sense!!! #i think about these dead people a lot lol

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

hiiiiii! can i request some cute sick bakugou headcannons plzzz? thx!

hi hi !!!! sure sure ofc @unicorneri

bakugou has a fever hcs:

- plays it off for as long as possible. like literally he’s pale as a ghost, coughing up a lung and bakugou will be like “i’m fine - mind your own fuckin’ business”

- he’ll borderline abuse vitamin c supplements and other natural remedies to try and curb the sickness before it can develop into smthing worse

- the only way he finally succumbs to just being sick is when the fever hits n his job performance tanks

- but when he does finally admit he’s sick??? good lORD

- get ready for bakugou’s sick WEEK. bc at this point he’s refused to acknowledge it for so long that its def gonna be a week long recovery period at least

- won’t let u in the bedroom under any circumstances for the first day or two. has this super intense weird thing ab not wanting to get u sick (finally caves and lets u in when the fever peaks super high and his brain is real foggy)

- fights with his blankets,,, literally in there tussling around n trying to throw them off him when he gets too hot

- when he has u on lock out, he’ll call u just to hear u talk to him. insists its so you “don’t get lonely and shit” ,,, but cmon. he’s so see-thru,, he’s clearly the lonely one!!!

- if you’re someone with cold hands, bakugou rlly likes when u put ur fingers on his cheeks while he’s burning up with fever. leans into ur hands like a puppy and straight up whines when his feverish skin starts to make your hands too hot

- very serious ab taking medication. sets alarms n everything

- mans likes a bath. u start to wonder if he drowned in there bc he spends sm time just soaking

- WHINER. no literally - swear to god every two seconds ab “my nose is stuffy” or “i’ve got a headache” n looking at u with big eyes like u’ll just somehow figure out how to fix it

- insists you put on one of your favorite shows for him to watch,,,, which is rlly rich considering at any other time he’d be mouthing off ab how “stupid” that same show was

- sometimes says his fever is “going up” more than necessary. then insists that you should take his temperature with the back of your hand, and absolutely not with the thermometer (he just wants u to be all gentle n sweet n lean over him n touch his face!!!)

- uncharacteristically sweet. not like, actually sweet, bc c’mon its still bakugou,,, but u know, more letting u pet his hair without a fight and less trying to bite your fingers off first for fun. think, like, maybe a lion given a horse tranquilizer ??

- crazy dreamer ,, rollin around, doin sprints in the sheets. u better sleep on the floor for ur own health n safety

- if u prop him up against the headboard with pillows, n then sit down next to him, he’ll slump over to rest his head on your shoulder instead. dont look at him tho. he’ll get flustered and sit back up

bOnUs:

his favorite sick days are the 3rd/4th one in, when he’d finally on the mend and lucid, but not well enough to go back in to work quite yet.

bakugou likes it bc he can pretend to still be sicker than he is - so you’ll take care of him just the same!!! he gets to soak it up without feeling embarrassed bc he’s still “sick” and in his mind he can justify it

#bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugou #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x reader #bnha fic #bakugou headcannon #bakugou headcannons #bakugou hcs

[an-angel-in-the-garden]

hi hi~ it is I your friendly neighborhood vulture here to pick ur lovely brain ~

Ok ok so imagine slashers ( michael (ur choice of version) , asa , Billy and stu (poly) and Jesse) coming home after a long day just to tired to deal and either seeking out or allowing their s/o to comfort them ~ whether just headcanons or head cannons and ficlet I'll let u decide~

Hello my darling birdie!!! I'm so happy to see you here! Welcome to my garden hope you stay awhile just try not to pull to many flowers this time kay ^v^ And as my best vulture I did both! CW: Blood, murder in passing ,obsessives behavior ,Just the normal slasher stuff and slight NSFW, OOC slashers and Not beta read or edited

Michael the RZ version

It's been a long day first having to go shopping for the week then cleaning to get rid of all the stains still left behind meant you were tired it seemed however you weren't the only busy one. Michael had be gone since early morning a pat on the head was all you gotten before he headed out and now slightly past 1 he was back. The echo of his boot steps were purposeful as he shut the door the cling of his knife hitting the counter ever more audible before the creek of the stairs let you know what the "plan" was. It doesn't take long for him to reach the bedroom and unlike most nights where the two of you would lay down and enjoy bliss each others comfort this time it was clear another approach would have to be taken. Michael now stood at the doorway mask dyed red and breathing heavy, whatever happen was not the outcome he wanted so with slow careful steps you began step one.

Michael no matter what is not one to seek comfort or affection it is something you have to be will to initiate willing and be willing to go slow with

Bathing is a good way to make him feel relaxed and if he tired or having a bad day its what he want and its one of the few times he's quick to remove him make you touching his hair makes him very happy

After a nice bath he wants but wont say he wants cuddle's and the start of step two

Sit on his lap and just let him hold you in a soft voice talk about you day or plans for the week or just things you enjoy its a bit of domestic life that makes him warm

turn a movie on and stay close run you hands through his hair and just exists with him for a while now for the best part

Once he's calmed down two things could happen one is that he'll pull you both down to the bed curled up with you in his arms and the sound of a movie still playing in the background letting himself fully relax

Option two is less common but more enjoyable Michael will move both you and him to the table in the room covered in his craft supplies where hell being working on his paper mache mask, asking you for input or wanting you to join if you fall asleep that's fine he's more the content just having you there

Stu Matcher and Billy Loomis

Its not hard to tell when one of them is having a hard day. After a long day of classes and keeping up with everyone Billy was exhausted had told but you and Stu as much more then one and Stu wasn't much better it seemed. Any plans that had been made were canceled as you told your boys it would be a good day for a date in, some cheesy slasher flicks tons of snacks and ordering food was the new plan. Telling everyone good bye then heading back to your place the the boys are quick to make themselves at home Stu starts by ordering dinner for the three of you Billy picks out a few movies and you head to the kitchen to make the snacks. It about an hour before everything is fully ready and with the date night begins with Stu being the first to say he needs some affection after the long day. Though he doesn't say anything at first Billy is fast to act on said affection once its shown leaning over to ask for some love as well.

Its kinda hard to give them comfort together since they both need different things at first but give it some time and it tends to end with a cuddle pile

Stu prefers holding one to waist head on in your neck or on your tummy nuzzling and kiss you having you give him head pats and forehead kisses while also rubbing his back

Billy likes having you on his lap your back to his chest his head resting on yours or on your shoulder hand locked together around your waist just holding you

If they're both in need of affection and comfort its a mix of both with Stu's head on your stomach and Billy's on your shoulder Billy's holding one hand and his other is on you hip Stu is doing the same on the opposite side

Billy feeds you snacks you feed Stu and Stu throw snacks at Billy and changes the movie when needed

Cuddles last for a long time often time it end with you three falling asleep with you in the middle of the two of them

Its not hard to know when they need comfort along with the fact that Stu is open about needing it and Billy will follow his lead when he sees you dont mind

Jesse Cromeans

Jesses always enjoys having your attention even if its for something small however, when he's in need of comfort he prefers you not being around him not because he worried about things but because he's bad at asking for it so he tends to just lock him self up in work. With that its very easy to tell when he's have a bad day its getting close to him that's hard. It starts like any relaxing day a nice warm meal whether you make it yourself for him or order something he likes its a way for you to get close. Tried and angry from a day of work the only thing on Jesse's mind is getting home what he wasn't expecting was to come home to you having gotten the places cleaned up with a meal laid out in the living ready to spend time with him and well he just couldn't say no to that. Its not hard after that to get him to set work aside till tomorrow as long as its not super important and from there the rest of the night can begin.

Jesse really enjoys slow intimacy and when his days been bad and he needs to let go having you take the lead in a nice slow pace helps him let go of the chromeskull mindset whether you know about it or not

He likes to snuggle wrapped almost fully around you with you as close as possible

Kisses are a must they make him so happy many people find him scary with go reason but here you are the love of his giving him kisses as if this is a perfectly normal relationship

Like with Michael two things can happen after he relaxes and gets your affection and comfort however its based on how your feeling not him

If you keep with the soft lead it ends with you curled against his side feeding each other fresh fruit and chocolate watching movies and shows while he talks about dates he's hoping to take you on

The other option is that you head to the bedroom hell pull you on his chest arms wrapped around you hearing you talk about this and that while just ignoring the world till he falls asleep

The next day Jesse will take off work after days of needing to seek your comfort it make him acknowledge he needs a break to not burn out or not to move to fast in the work and the day will be spent with you by his side

Asa Emory

Asa has always gone by a schedule and unless it is absolutely necessary he will not deviate from it and that includes for affection and goes double for if you want to give him comfort on exhausting days. He doesn't like feeling weak and though he loves you in a twisted way you thinking he needs comfort makes him feel weak. For weeks Asa will come home tired and frustrated his class is in the mist of exams so he has tons of work and the collection isn't going well but he wont let you in on it. The best you can do for the time being is just lightly his work load at home keep things clean, make meals for him so he doesn't skip them if the dogs are at the house help take care of them and things like that its not much but he pays attention to things like that and will notice that your helping him. Seeing you working hard to help him not stress as much while still waiting for him to take the steps like usual helps him come around to the idea of letting you spoil him for a while. Once he gets to that point remember to keep things slow though rushing it after that makes him stay on edge.

For Asa slow and steady is the way to go when he's ready to let you spoil him he will tell you outright that he "requires" your attention

He wont let this happen on a weekday only a weekend where he can fully relax and rest but he leaves the rest to you and that's a big step

Setting up a nice date in is the best way to go and though he likes homemade meals on a day like this he doesn't mind ordering dinner that night

On days he can relax with you the first thing he wants to do is cook for you as odd as it might be it gives him a starting point to let you show him affection

Eating breakfast together then heading to the living room with curled up on the couch you read to him for a bit him might interject sometimes depending on what its about but he just holds you close for a while

Tacking the dogs for a walk is the next part of the day hand in hand taking a walking path and enjoy the day whether its cold or hot he likes walking time

Domestic bliss is something he adores its what he's always craved and you give him the chance to have it so often it keeps him on cloud nine

After going back home out on a documentary and snuggle up to him the dogs will be on beds near the couch and hell have you laying you head on his lap while he runs his hand along you neck and back

You'll eat later in the day and enjoy quite time he might want to rant about his class, he wants to hear about the things you've been into lately and slowly the night winds down

Given that he has no work the next day if your feeling up to it he want to end the day by embracing you its been a while and its not something he up for much but after weeks of not being around you much he craves the close touch

It might not even end with sex he just want to caress your body looking over the curves and lines feeling you fully without restrictions till your both tired and with that he pulls you close to him whispering that he's grateful for you love and thanking you for the wonderful day

Ta-da! I hope all enjoy this and a big thanks to my best birdie buddy for requesting this I had fun writing it and I hope to see here more often! To my other followers if your looking forward to the next part of My Soulmates A God then be happy its the next thing I'm working on. Have a great day and thank you for reading! - Lilly Ps you can really tell I favored Asa here huh..

#slashers x reader #slasher imagines #slasher x reader #x reader #reader imagine #asa emory x reader #jesse cromeans x reader #michael myers x reader #stu matcher x reader #billy loomis x reader #chromeskull x reader #ghostface x reader #the collector x reader

[spotsupstuff]

another appeal of inkypages is having it be a proper slowburn cuz hear me out

Six is a scum. he hurt Qi Xiaotian and the entire party in shadow play. and Tang is shown to have been concious of what he was forced to be doing to his adoptive son (whether the others were conscious too or not is up for a debate). and, from what ive seen here and there, people kinda rush the whole “the scholar now trusts the shadow 100% and is ready to open his arms wide for the other” which just seems. unfair to Tang as a character. Tang has a strong sense of loyality, hes logical and fucking damnit he loves Xiaotian so fucking much. hes aware that he is no superhuman n so hes cautious around things. for him to accept Six Ear to such length, there has to be a journey explaining the betterment of him

and its so important in my eyes for them to first be just friends outside of the mission after The Weapon and outside of all the stress factors and without being forced to share the same living space. a lot of the relationship progress that happens on the airship is somewhat “minimalized” by the fact that they literally have No Other Choice but stand each other. its okay if something begins there, but for Good Proper Development they should have the choice as characters to do what they want, have a room to make any choices, otherwise it feels like takin two dolls n goin “now kiss!!” (which is fine to do sometimes, dont get me wrong, we gotta get serotonin Somehow, but if u want depth in a ship it, i think, should have something more to it than that)

its mainly the reason why anything inkypages-like happens in fruit twins au so late. theres the entire psychological journey that Six Ear begins on the ship and then theres that month n smth where he Actively by himself sticks around and continues to put effort into his own moral, psychological and emotional development. this month full of work is why Tang gets so surprised by Six not seeing them at least as friends in my fics. the whole WBS mission wouldnt have resulted in that

cuz of multiple reasons, Six didnt really wanna dub any relationship a “friendship” by himself so it was important Tang would initiate the actual evolution of any close relationship by extending his hand with a patient smile and the explanation of Why hes doing this (the whole “I think I like the someone you are becoming.” sentence). next steps have to be taken by both of them so the connection between them would be a healthy one. and That has to take into account Six Ears state as a person

i like to think that... Six is the one who comes forward with the confession of something greater. itd be something quiet, like he sits next to Tang late in the evening, looking over the sea as they are hanging out at Sha Dalis place and says a silent “Im sorry”. because hes gotten better about genuine apologizing- isnt that wonderful? and because the apology doesnt make much concrete sense by itself, he adds “I might have fallen in love with you. If Im understanding myself right.” and i want them to talk about it in detail. nothing gets brushed off. this is about acknowledging everything involved so the consent and agreement can be as clear as tarn ice, because bad communication is starting to be a boring trope to constantly prod

and isnt it just so satisfying to have them hug, so close to each other that their silhouettes basically look like of only one person, and then it dawns on Six that this is all Him. this is possible thanks to him Trying and being Better and being Here and Active where it matters... usually when someone points the sentence “these are consequences of your and Only your actions” its Not Good but hes gotten so far and now the sentence leaves him breathless out of the sheer pride in himself and hes smiling and pulling the human somehow even closer

the OTHER appeal of inkypages is that the moment Tang becomes more certain around Six he WILL throw a chancla RIGHT into his face n that bastard will Not Know what the FUCK just happened at all. it just will not compute in that walnut brain of his n i think that is beautiful

#Spot says stuff #lmk #inkypages #tintedlenses #like i just dont get why people rush so feverlishly after the romance when its just #so much more beautiful for this to be a kind of like. Evidence? of a person working on themself #not everyone is loveable. not everyone is capable of loving in a healthy manner. caring doesnt inherently mean its Pure and Good #but everyone is able to change into someone capable of doing all these things correctly and that should be embraced more often #rather than glorifying nonexistent perfection #character analysis and psychology my beLOVED #but as always you do what makes you happy. we all need some simple no thoughts head empty pick me up sometimes

[blackwidowyael]

One of those days

Hey y'all! I just received my first request from @thoughfulmilkshakeface, and here it is, hope you all enjoy! psa I am taking requests, mainly Natasha/Yelena/Wanda centric, and I dont do reader inserts or anything too smutty so feel free to leave smth in ma inbox ;)

Natasha has bad days. Clint knows this, and he also knows that the bad days will pass, making space for the good ones, where they can go out to the movies, or grab lunch, or take Lucky to play ball in the park without the change of routine sending her reeling.

It is these days that he treasures the most, when he can pretend, even if it is only briefly, that they are just another normal couple, with normal problems like squabbles over who’s turn it is to take out the trash or clean up after the dog.

Today is not one of those days.

Clint can tell from the moment they wake up. He cracks open an eye just in time to see the flash of metal handcuffs disappearing into Natasha’s nightstand.

The handcuffs rarely make an appearance anymore, and only on those nights where she is filled with an anxious restlessness, a sense of uneasiness that only the cool slicing of the metal can satiate.

She never talks about it, refuses to acknowledge that they still have a lingering control over her that she can’t quite shake. Clint understands what it is like to feel that lack of autonomy, and never pushes her to stop.

Lucky knows that Natasha has bad days as well. She stumbles past where he is eagerly awaiting breakfast, straight to the gym without so much as a glance in his direction. It is like she is barely even there.

Clint drags himself into the kitchen, narrowly avoiding hitting Lucky in the face as he reaches down to pat him through a haze of sleep. He fills Lucky’s bowl, and slides two pop tarts onto a plate. A smile almost reaches his face as he thinks about the plan Nat concocted to sneak them past the addicted demi-God upstairs.

And they wait for the last member of their family to return. Sometimes, an hour in the gym is enough to shake whatever demons were haunting her away and she returns more present, having slipped out of whatever funk she is in.

Today is not one of those days.

They watch the clock as the hands trail round the hour, and into the next. Lucky whines, pressing himself against Clint’s leg. He is weirdly intuitive, can always tell when something’s not right. Almost two hours have passed. Natasha’s coffee has grown cold in the pot.

“I guess you’re right, bud,” Clint sighs, rubbing Lucky behind the ears. “I’ll go check on her.”

At first, he thinks the gym is empty. Music blares out of the speakers as he scans every corner.

He finds her huddled in a crack between the wall and a punching bag. From her vantage point, she has a clear view of the entire gym, but she doesn’t even blink as he settles down in front of her.

Nat’s eyes are glassy, unfocused. Clint waves a hand in front of her face, trying to get her attention. He is wary of touching her when she’s like this, but he really needs to get her to the apartment. Clint can see the blood leaking through her pointe shoes, feet white with the ribbons tight enough to cut off her circulation. Slowly he loops one arm around her shoulders, the other under her knees, narrating as he does so.

No matter what, Clint wants her to feel at least some semblance of control.

“Alright, Tash, back to the apartment. I got you, it’s okay.” He glances at her briefly, to see if he has gotten a response, but she has retreated so far into herself that she can’t hear him. Dissociated, the part of his mind that has attended many therapy sessions with her, supplies.

She has frozen by the time he tries to deposit her on the couch. Eventually, he just sits down with her draped over his lap, hoping that the feel of him breathing would help to ground her. He thinks back to the day before, trying to remember what could have triggered it. Nothing springs to mind, although new triggers still pop up now and then. Maybe something from a mission?

Lucky worries when he sees Natasha like this. It makes Clint sad, and then neither of them will take him to the park. He leaps onto the couch, burying his muzzle in Natasha’s face and showering her with kisses. Suddenly, she stirs, breath shuddering in her chest.

“Nat, you’re okay, you’re safe. We’re in the apartment.”

One hand comes up, shielding her face, while she desperately tries to wriggle out of Clint’s lap. Her breath is beginning to come faster as she squirms, unable to escape Lucky’s slobbery hold.

“Natasha, it’s just Lucky, you’re okay.”

“Clint?”

“Yeah. Can you breathe with me?”

She can’t.

She can feel her breath whistling in her chest, coming faster and faster and despite this feel the lack of oxygen in her brain. Lightheaded. She doesn’t think her legs would support her right now if she tried to run.

Run away from all of this. All these emotions, clawing at her chest and anxiety buzzing in her brain and tingling on her skin and she can't breathe, she can’t-

Breathe.

One fist gripping Clint’s shirt, the soft fabric grounding, while simultaneously keeping herself as far away from him as possible, curled on the opposite side of the couch.

Through the icy panic, she tries to focus on his chest. Watching it rise and fall. She manages to take gulps of air to match, feeling the fog slowly evaporating around her.

“Idiot dog,” she mutters, pushing Lucky away from her.

The buzzing panic leaves her as quickly as it arrives, leaving her drained. The world is far too bright, too sharp, now.

Clint is watching as she tries to collect herself. Natasha feels her mask slamming into place, protecting her from the world and hiding her humiliation. She’s not sure how she got to the couch, but she can feel the concern and smothering pity rolling off of Clint in waves and she hates it.

She just wants to be alone, until she can forget again.

“Nat-”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Clint presses his lips together. This repression shit can’t be healthy, but he knows better than anyone that there’s no point trying to make Natasha talk when she doesn't want to.

“Fine. We don’t have to talk. Can I at least look at your feet?”

Natasha glances down. Her feet are waxy, apart from the red marks made by the ribbons chafing. Blood has congealed around the box of the shoe, spattering its way up the shank.

“I can do it myself, Clint,”

“Natasha, I swear to God.” Clint pushes her back down as she tries to stand, going into the kitchen to grab the first aid box.

Carefully, he unties the ribbons, prying the shoes off her feet. The blood is sticky, and it takes a while for him to get them off without ripping the skin further.

Eventually, both shoes are discarded and he gets a proper look at her.

“Nat, what happened?”

Clint had hoped it would be an easy fix, just a couple of blisters, but apparently it wasn’t one of those days, and nothing was easy. Hundreds of shards of glass are embedded in the soles of Natasha’s feet, and when he looks back to her shoes, he can see more littering the soles.

He gets to work, painstakingly removing each shard and cleaning the cuts, before covering them in adhesive bandage. Questions can come later, when Nat is not still partially dissociated on the couch with a vase’s worth of glass in her feet. Lucky watches, resting his head on Natasha’s lap. This time, she doesn’t push him away, running her fingers through his fur.

“I needed to know that I hadn’t got soft.”

The words echo in the silence, although they were barely audible. Clint carefully schools his expression, keeping his posture open and relaxed.

“And dancing with glass in your shoes proves that how?”

“We used to do it,” Natasha pauses, staring intently at a spot on Lucky’s back, “before.”

Clint nods in understanding. It doesn’t surprise him, seems very on-brand given the sparse details she had shared over the years.

“You haven’t gotten soft, Tash. Why would you think that?”

“But I have,” she presses, leaning forward, “I see it all the time. They told me I could never form attachments, that it would make me weak. And I can’t do the missions I did before,”

“Can’t or won’t? You didn’t have any choice over taking missions, Tash. Just because SHIELD does things differently doesn’t mean you’re any less of an agent.”

“They’re in my head all the time,” Natasha admits. “I can hear them. Telling me I’m sloppy. Weak. They would be so angry if they could see me now. I just. I just needed to feel like I was,”

She breaks off, staring at her hands.

“Like what?” Clint prompts gently.

“Made of marble. That’s what they used to say to me.”

“They’re not here now, Nat. We are. Your family. You don’t need to be all perfect and tough around us.”

Nat shakes her head in exasperation, eyes roaming around the room as she searches for an explanation.

“But I still want them to be proud of me. It’s fucked up. I’m fucked up. They took everything from me and I still want to make them proud.”

“They tortured you, Natasha. They raised you, that’s not just going to go away. You’re not under their control anymore. I just want you, whatever that is.”

Suddenly, she can’t stand this conversation anymore, ignoring her protesting feet as she stalks into the kitchen. Clint follows, Lucky not far behind.

“Love is for children.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

Natasha huffs out a laugh, turning away to reach a mug. “You’d have to be stupid to want me.”

“I guess I really am an idiot then.” Clint reaches out, tugging on her arm until she is facing him.

“Lucky too,” he adds as the dog jumps up, pawing Natasha’s legs.

“Idiot dog.” A tiny smile graces the corner of her mouth.

“You’re more than just an incredible agent, Tash. You’re my best friend, my family. I love you.”

She ducks her head, staring at their intertwined fingers.

“I love you too, idiot.”

Clint grins. It was one of those days.

#natasha and clint #clintasha #natasha romonova #clint barton #lucky the pizza dog #angst #hurt/comfort #fanwork #fanfic #marvel #mcu women #mcu #black widow #hawkeye #red room #natashas fucked up #but arent they all

[shrimpsodas]

Im not antiendo but it is stated in several articles ive read that systems come from childhood trauma and i see people discussing that endos do have trauma and cant remember it, and by refusing to acknowledge forgotten trauma, they can possibly harm other systems who dont remember theirs either and detour them from the road of allowing yourself to grow and get help from professionals. but those same people who say that bash endos and can cause members of endo systems to be hurt even more just because they arent doing the “right” thing. im so confused. is there any light you can shed on this predicament so i can have another opinion on this before i say something that might offend someone else?

ok im gonna get this part out of the way first: if youre a singlet you dont get to have an opinion on this because system issues are system issues, not singlet issues. idk if u are or arent a system cuz idk who u are but i am gonna say it anyway.

yes, DID/OSDD are often developed as a result of repeated childhood trauma. yes, sometimes people with DID/OSDD don’t remember their trauma because they have DID/OSDD.

but no, someone not remembering their trauma isn’t going to prevent other people from getting professional help. not remembering your trauma just means you dont remember your trauma. it doesn’t mean that you’re “refusing to acknowledge forgotten trauma” it just means that you don’t remember it. not knowing something is not the same as being ignorant.

i’d also like to mention that if someone doesn’t remember their trauma and they aren’t seeking help for said trauma, it’s likely because they don’t remember it. no offense but idk why people think that its because of some out of pocket shit like “the endogenic systems are convincing everybody that they shouldn’t get help even if they have trauma!!1!” no. it’s because they don’t remember it so they don’t know that they should try to get help. lmao.

however if you think you have a disorder that tends to be caused by trauma, then it can be good to consider that you may have trauma! so then you can try to seek help and heal. but if you don’t have any? that’s fine :] it doesn’t make anyone any less of a system.

most anti-endos ive seen have been unnecessarily hostile towards endo systems and anyone who supports them. ive seen so many people get fakeclaimed (accused of faking being a system) and that is. disgusting actually. it’s gross that people think that they have a right to decide what is or isn’t possible for someone else to experience. let’s not forget that DID/OSDD are complex mental disorders and not everybody experiences mental disorders in the same way. you do not get to decide how someone else’s mental disorder works. and they don’t get to decide either.

a lot of systems already deal with enough bullshit from singlets and they shouldn’t have to get shut down and ridiculed and attacked by other systems. by people who should be supporting each other because a lot of us have extremely similar experiences and dealing with them is hard. but instead people have the audacity to think that they get to say who is a system and who isn’t, based only on whether or not they remember their trauma.

endogenic systems didn’t just wake up one day and decide “i’m gonna put people in my brain” because nobody CHOOSES to develop a mental disorder.

but yeah that’s my take. i’m pro-endo. my blog is an endogenic safe space. and anti-endos can suck my entire dick if they think that fakeclaiming other systems is ok

tldr: yeah you can get DID/OSDD if you had childhood trauma but it literally doesn’t hurt anybody else if you can’t remember yours or don’t have any, and people need to grow up and stop acting like they know everything about someone else’s disorder and stop fakeclaiming people for stupid reasons.

#i hope this makes sense #if anyone needs me to like get more into something idk send me an ask and i’ll respond and clarify #also i apologize if there are any typos in here. i reread this like 3 times to check but idk i could’ve missed something #anon

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hiya love!! CONGRATULATIONS ON ALL YOUR FOLLWERS BBYYYY!! 🥳🥳🥳 IM SO PROUD OF YOU!! I HAVENT BEEN FOLLOWING YOU FOR THAT LONG BUT I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU GROW. You deserve it all and more.

If it's still open, is it okay if I get a kinnie coldbrew please? And thank you in advance.

I'm really introverted and hate social interactions and meeting new people, even online

And I hate going outside in public

I just dont know how to make friends or even talk to people without panicking

I see the people around me having online friends and I'm sat there like how??? I just about have irl friends

It takes me a long long time to get used to people and even start thinking about opening up to them

All of my friends are people I've knows for a good 6/7 years, I hate being introduced to new people

I hate havinh big groups of friends as well

Usually whenever my friends go out I tend to avoid it, but when I do I'm usually at the back walking by myself

I just withdraw myself when in big groups and just become invisible

But in small groups of like 3 people or just me with someone else I thrive

My friends think they know me really well, but it's one of them ones where I mask my true emotions and feelings with waffle

It's not that I dont trust them, I just dont want to share my feelings with anyone or talk about myself, usually I just make jokes

I grew up in an environment where I was taught not to cry and not to be emotional, and my mother was very insistent on that, and it just became natural to me. I cant even remember the last time I cried, it was definitely a good 2/3 years ago

I have a lot of patience when it comes to anger, like I dont let it out, sometimes I get really really angry at the littlest things people do, but then it dies down in like 3 seconds. I dont know how to explain it, but it's like a hot flash and then it goes, other times it builds slowly and I just let it fester

But I hate confrontation

Absolutely hate it

I would never actually do anything with the anger or hurt I feel, i just let it sit inside of me and hold it in

People do come to me for advice and help, I wont sugarcoat anything, I'll tell you the honest (and sometimes harsh) truth and then help you get overcome your problem as well

Because of that I can sometimes come across as harsh because i wont bullshit you or beat around the bush if you need me to talk to you like that

I do the absolute most for my friends, I'd drop anything for them if they need help and I often find myself putting their happiness before my own, and lowkey (highkey) it hurts when I dont receive the same energy back, but it's ok we move

I'm usually the one doing all the work in a group presentation, mainly because no one else is bothered to do it, so I just do it all

I do all the work, they present

I dont know how to show the people around me that I love them, even though I really really do

I hate it when people touch me or try to give me hugs and I avoid them

But secretly I yearn for them and I just want someone to cuddle me

But I'm not used to physical affection at all and it really embarrasses me

It's a bit of a sticky one ngl

For me, it's so important to be polite and open minded

I think that's why people come to me for advice and shit, because I suck at comforting people, but I wont judge you at all also because I'm quite approachable as well

Unless you're a trump supporter, then I will roast the living shit out of you

I'm really into literature and reading, whether it be classics, manga, graphic novels, or just normal fiction

I just love reading

And doing anything creative tbh

I read percy jackson when I was young and it basically formed my entire personality

That's where my love for mythology started and over the years its become more refined and I just love it even more

I like to think I'm a nice person

I always try and make people smile and laugh and know that they're loved and acknowledged by me

In stressful situations I find myself being really calm

To the point it looks like I dont care

And I'll tell you that I dont care as well

But on the inside I'm panicking and its eating me up on the inside

I either do one of two things and they're both polar opposites

I either try and resolve it as soon as possible or I ignore it for as long as I can and leave it for future me to handle

It's not very healthy but I'm still here so, I guess it's fine

I dont find myself getting stressed FOR myself that often, if you get what I'm saying

Usually when i feel emotions it's for other people??? Like I'd be stressed for someone else, sad for someone else and angry for someone else, but I'd never really feel something for myself

Yeahh I usually stay calm and nonchalant though

Ahhhh, this is soo longgg, I'm so sorry about that, I just started venting halfway through and forgot that this was an ask. I'm so sorry and I hope you dont mind. Thank you so so much though, I appreciate it a lot. Make sure you're taking regular breaks and drinking lots and lots of water, make sure you're taking care of yourself. Thank you so much xxx 🥰🥰

THANK YOU THANK YOU ❤️

@tsukkispoundlandheadphones

You are a...

Sakusa Kinnie

Similarities

Alright stating the obvious

YOU BOTH HATE PEOPLE TOUCHING YOU

Although it might be for different reasons

That doesn’t change the fact that you both low key hate people

You both hate social interactions

Whether it be online or in person

Being social is just a no go for you two

Your only friends are people who you’ve known for a long time

Cmon

Sakusa’s friend is LITERALLY his cousin

Like FAMILY

You both are very slow to anger

Cant relate

Like when have we EVER seen sakusa get mad at someone

Disgusted with someone sure

But MAD I don’t think so

Blunt bitches

You both are blunt af

You both just tell it as it is

I mean someone has to do it

Ok this is hard to explain cause there’s no evidence behind it...

But he responds to stressful situations JUST like you

Don’t question it to much

It’s just true

Assumptions I Have About You

I’m sorry but your hot

No buts about it

Speaking of

Here 👐 takes some self confidence

You deserve it I promise

LonerTM

How’s being a homebody?

You let people take the lead in most situations

EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO BE A LEADER

Rbf?

Ok we know you don’t like people touching you

But you absolutely HATE strangers touching you

You either genuinely enjoy cleaning

Or you stress clean

Ilysm never change the world needs more sakusas ❤️

200 Follower Event

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu fandom #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons #sakusa #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa kin #sakusa kinnie #sakusa Hc #sakusa headcanons

[imaginedevildom]

Cuddling with the Brothers

These are based off of a discord chat and my expanded ideas on how the brothers would cuddle and I’m gonna put them under the read more so they dont take up too much space

Lucifer

·       Big Spoon

·       Not the biggest cuddler

·       Prefers to cuddle in bed before you go to bed for the night

·       Likes to lay side by side with an arm around you and your head on his chest

·       Likes to talk about your day and may complain about his brothers

·       Doesn’t sleep very much so will cuddle until you fall asleep and then go do his work

·       IF he falls asleep with you though prepare to wake up with both of his arms around you and his head laying on top of yours

Mammon

·       Big spoon unless you just slide into bed behind him and wrap your arms around him

·       BIG cuddler- will cuddle you at any given opportunity but in typical Mammon fashion refuses to acknowledge what he’s doing

·       Sitting on the couch doing things on your D.D.D? Mammon will scooch as close as possible and sling and arm over your shoulders and then say he’s just trying to see what you’re doing on.

·       Awful to cuddle with to fall asleep- he fidgets a lot and can’t ever seem to get comfortable while you’re laying down together

·       Once he’s asleep tho he’s a big teddy bear prepare to be enveloped in a bear hug and have his face firmly planted in your neck.

Leviathan

·       Little spoon

·       Tries to get you to cuddle in his bathtub bed which isn’t terrible

·       has you sit on his lap and then just lean back against him.

·       If you pester him about it, he’ll let you sit on his lap while he’s playing video games or watching anime. If his hands aren’t needed for a game, he’ll wrap them around your waist and keeps his head on your shoulder.

·       The first time you cuddle in an actual bed he gets flustered when you ask him to be the little spoon because it’s a stupid normie way to cuddle

·       Likes to lay chest to chest and if you have boobs he will use them as a pillow.

Satan

·       Big spoon

·       Prefers to cuddle up in a big comfy chair

·       Loves when you curl up beside him and he can wrap his arms around you and then just sit there and read a book with you

·       When its time to go to bed he’s not a huge fan of cuddling but will lay very close to you and lace your fingers together

 Asmodeus

·       He’s fine as the little spoon or as the big spoon

·       His favorite position is when he just gets to lay on top of you (also another one to use your boobs as a pillow)

·       Likes any position where he gets to see your face, he gets a little handsy sometimes and likes to see the expressions on your face.

·       Likes it when you play with his hair if you don’t mess it up

·       If you’re sitting together on the couch, he’ll drape himself across your lap and you use you as a pillow

Beelzebub

·       BIG BOY with the heart of a baby

·       I’m begging you wrap your arms around this man and just cuddle the shit out of him

·       Opposite of Asmo, he likes it when you lay on top of him

·       Loves to cuddle with you to fall asleep since its hard for him to sleep alone.

·       Likes to see your face because he just likes to look at you.

·       His hands wander a lot as well but not to get handsy, he just likes to remind himself that you’re there a lot.

Belphegor

·       Ohhhhhh boy this man

·       Obviously likes to cuddle when he takes naps- sometimes he just uses you like a pillow and other times he’ll actually cuddle with you

·       Is fine being the little or big spoon

·       Likes you to lay on your back and then cuddles up to you on his side with his face buried in between your neck and shoulder

#Obey me #obey me! lets date #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor

[chiefavenuewerewolf]

5 Star Cinema Garden Grove

All Theatres Starlight Terrace Cinemas, Rancho Palos Verdes, CA Starlight Whittier Village, Whittier, CA Starlight Cinema City Theatres, Anaheim, CA Starlight West Grove Cinemas, Garden Grove, CA Starlight Triangle Square Cinemas, Costa Mesa, CA Starlight Dos Lagos 15, Corona, CA.

Reviews 14

ST

Steven Crow

Garden Grove features a number of movie theaters, but Starlight Cinemas always offers convenient show times and a great movie selection. Bring the whole family to this theater, where kiddos are welcomed with open arms.Patrons can park in a lot near Starlight Cinemas or take advantage of the generous street parking. Whatever you're in the mood for, Starlight Cinemas has.

All Theatres Starlight Terrace Cinemas, Rancho Palos Verdes, CA Starlight Whittier Village, Whittier, CA Starlight Cinema City Theatres, Anaheim, CA Starlight West Grove Cinemas, Garden Grove, CA Starlight Triangle Square Cinemas, Costa Mesa, CA Starlight Dos Lagos 15, Corona, CA.

Enjoy the latest movies at your local Regal Cinemas. Regal Garden Grove features stadium seating, digital projection, mobile tickets and more! Favorite place to go to the movies. Using the card is the best program. It really helps senior citizens. Everyone is always.

Garden Grove Cinema - Deals in Garden Grove, CA Groupon. Cinema deals in Garden Grove, CA: 50 to 90% off deals in Garden Grove. AMC DINE-IN Fullerton 20. AMC Anaheim GardenWalk 6. Active: 2019-11-22.

Please read this oneI don’t usually write reviews but the experience me and my wife had is unbelievable My wife was in a car wreck on 1-24-15 and hurt her back but still wanted to see a movie for Valentine’s day 2-14-15 so I got the tickets and went I asked the lady at the door if my wife could Just sit on bench until movie time and she got a bad attitude problem with me so I asked to see The manager she came out and I told her about the problem she seemed like she didnt care at all. But she finally let my wife sit then all we heard was laughing and giggling from them made my wife feel very bad and very uncomfortable we left and won’t be back ever.By the way me and my daughter usually go to the movies there at least once a week sometimes twice a week and have been going there for almost four years now and the guy’s that work there on the weekdays are great very kind and never any Problems at all.

BR

Brian Bergström

Was happy with the pricing of the movies here. First run movies at discounted prices. The theaters are small, but comfortable. I first saw a movie here in 1987 and it hasnt changed much, except the technology.What disappointed me were the lights that never turn off and when the movie starts nobody closes the doors (I went to the back and closed the doors myself, nothing I could do about the lights). How can one really enjoy a movie theater experience with lights in the ceiling shining down in your eyes.I came here for 3D, because ONLY the Dolby Digital 3D works for me, the crappy RealD 3D doesnt work nearly as well. Then as it turned out the movie I wanted to see was not being shown in 3D at all.I would go back again, but probably sit more towards the front away from the spotlights and open doors.

PA

Pat Butterfield

5 Star Cinema Garden Grove Ca

This place and staff has always given me a pleasurable experience and have gone on various days and times for the last 5yrs Even going during regular hours/days but frequent the senior/family days & hours. Been there during peak hrs & always someone at doors ready to go in and clean soon as a movie is over. Cant go to the Regals or Edwards and the like for top movies popcorn and drinks for the same price or less than what others charge just to get in the doors! Too bad Steve Crow had a bad experience, I have never seen or heard of such a thing all the times Ive gone. Im even greeted & asked where my friend is when I go alone. And acknowledged when Ive not been seen for awhile! Local theaters always best over commercial places anytime!

A

A Private User

I see a lot of people complaining about the employees and the seats and screens. Download blackberry handheld software for 8520. I have never had a problem with any of the employees. They arent really friendly, but have never been rude to me or any of my kids. Sure it s small, but for the value, worth it for me. We could never afford to see a movie otherwise. If you get their saver card, you get a free ticket for every four you buy, even on family night. Plus you get free popcorn and free refills on popcorn and soda. Tip..go early in family nights, you will be in line for a bit, and it will fill up.

WE

Wesley To

Dont be fooled by the price and Starlight brand. This place has almost nothing else in common with other Starlights. No reserved seating. No seats in the center (aisle runs down the middle). Small, dim screen. But the other Starlights (Triangle Square in Costa Mesa, Cinema City in Anaheim) have identical pricing and feature reserved seating, center seats, and larger screens, as well as having more total screens, more seats per screen, and nicer aesthetics. Go to those ones if possible. Those actually deserve the '4 Star' nomenclature.

A

A Private User

5 Star Theater Garden Grove

Hate it. We came to watch sherlock holmes and half way through my lady went to use the restrooms and got kicked out cause the management said she was trying to jump movies. she had the ticket stub and she wasnt trying to jump movie.. she waited out side in the cold. while i was waiting for her to return. finally i went out side to look for her and i was very shocked to find out what had happened.. Never again will we ever come here again. Go some where else management seemed racist..

YA

Yaseng Yann

I go to this theater almost exclusively esp so that we could go bowling before or after a movie: $7 refillable (one time before the movie ends) popcorn, clean theater, good sound system, friendly staff. Prices are catching up to that of UA and Regency..$9/adult is more than at some other places; so we are pulling the reins a tad. Maybe it pays to be a frequent movie pass goer..then again, we should head out to the state parks and outdoors more. Head out and shape up, America!

A

A Private User

i think this is a fantastic bargain to go to the movies in these most difficult of times. the popcorn is great ..the seating is good and the value is fabulous. we try to make it every Tuesday. i found the employees to be professional and courtesy so i suppose everyone has there opinion and mine is that keep the price low and the audiences will come. thanks.

JO

John Taylor

The movie industry is my passion. When I was a teen I loved going to the cinema. This place is comfy, small and a great place to take out your girlfriend. However last time my girlfriend and I went everything was just dirty. Spit bubble gums, popcorn and smelly restrooms. Not a romantic experience at all. I hope they take some actions!

LE

Lexi Buelna

Is this as fancy as Bella Terra? No. But as far as a discount theater is concerned, this is a definite 5 star theater! Everyone has been nothing but polite and friendly. Only 4 movies at a time but, for the price, im willing to wait a while until they change the options! And any theater with $1 hot dogs is fine by me.

JA

JAN VARELA

Awesome new movies. Get the frequent movie goer pass and get free movies and popcorn. CLEAN place and if you go to their site print a FREE popcorn and upgrade to large popcorn & Large drink with refills for $9.00Tuesday & Thursday $4.00 all day.everyday $5.00 until after either 4 or 5:00pm then its $6.00

BR Abs marvel connector types.

Brandon Kheang

Absolutely love this theater, $6 Tuesday, Thursdays, and Sundays every week are an excellent value. Though it may not be as large as the bigger theaters, the movie viewing experience is still very enjoyable, especially given the price. The employees are friendly and the popcorn is delicious

Garden Grove 5 Star Cinema

KA

Karen Taylor

We just moved to the area and we found this theater 'WONDERFUL' and it has a family environment in our neighborhood.The prices are good all doing the week and the popcorn is good and very affordable for us. The staff helpful. We love it there.Thanks,Resident of Buena ParkKaren

AL

Alina Ramirez

Download GarageBand GarageBand is a free music composing app to create music, mixers for free. It's available for Windows 10, 8.1, 7. Step 4: Search for GarageBand in the search bar and click on enter. Step 5: Click on the GarageBand option and start downloading it. Step 6: Once you have downloaded the software, you can use GarageBand on Windows using this iPadian emulator. Alternatives to GarageBand. There are several alternatives that you can try instead of GarageBand. GarageBand 6.0.5 Free Download Secure GarageBand Download Options. Popular Downloads. WinRAR 5.90 Complete support for RAR and ZIP archives! Microsoft PowerPoint 2010 10.1.9 Create and share dynamic presentations. Opera browser 72.0.3815.378 Opera - The fast. Garageband 6.0 5 zip.

Considering that it is a 4 screen theater with regular old school seating, it is nice. The floors arent sticky, the seats arent broken, the restrooms are clean and most importantly..very nice staff. Great place to take my family especially since we are on a very tight budget.

5 Star Cinema Garden Grove

Other organizations

[enthusiasticmusicalquotes]

QUESTION OF THE DAY #12: What is your opinion on theatre bootlegs? Spill as much or as little tea as you want.

MY ANSWER: it would be incredibly hypocritical of me to say there’s nothing good about them. i discovered a couple of my all time favorite shows through bootlegs, and when i was a high school/college-aged theatre nerd stuck in the midwest (which i still am, just a bit older now), they brought me a lot of comfort that i could relive my favorite shows again. that said, i can understand POVs re: they weren’t filmed with consent from the actors. however, actors who are speaking out against them need to realize that mainstream theatre needs to be made more accessible in one way or another for poor, disabled, and international theatre fans. tldr: bootlegs aren’t going to go away if celebrities disavow them, but theatre might be able to become more accessible if more of them talk on THAT instead of how evil bootlegs are.

SUMMARY OF ANSWERS: out of 41 responses: 21 were an enthusiastic heck yeah, 13 weren’t as enthusiastic but still along the lines of yeah i support them, 3 answers were like eh i can see both sides i guess/leaning towards no, and 4 people outright said nah bootlegs are not the answer. All the answers under the cut!

if you wanna fight or agree with anyone, refer to the # and send in an ask or reply to this.  

also: while i agree with much of what was said under the cut, i will not come out and say which ones i agree with and what i don’t. my opinion is above and that’s all you need to know about what i think. i do not necessarily condone or agree with anything below. okay, enjoy reading.

1. Anonymous said: I may not be the biggest fan, but I totally get why they exist and have watched a few when they pop up

2.  Anonymous said: for the qotd: bootlegs are godsends

3. Anonymous said: oh god i literally just went on a tangent on twitter just now but bootlegs good!!!! people willingly watch blurry footage of a show bcs they want to know what the show is like, want to experience it live. bway shows arent accessable for everyone (due to prices and distance) but ppl still want to know what its like performed on stage. bootlegs literally dont harm the community. ive seen poto boots, proshots and the tour yet id willingly pay 2 watch again. boots make theatre more accessable imo !!

4. Anonymous said: Boots are good to get a glimpse of different productions? Like even despite Proshots existing of certain musicals, I'd still be curious regarding other interpretations of it! And also besides this it definitely helps make shows accessable to people who physically cannot watch the show!

5. galactic-greens said: I truly see no harm in bootlegs as long as they are treated respectfully. While the creation and consumption is technically a crime, it by no means whatsoever makes you a bad person. It's essentially documenting theatre, and ensuring generations to come will be able to experience what could have been so fleeting. They maintain a community, and as long as NFT dates, masters, and general spread of bootlegs are respected then there really can be no problem. It's just a way to immortalize the art!

6. Anonymous said: On bootlegs: oftentimes they’re the only way someone could be able to see a show, because not everyone can afford the tickets or even the cost to just go to New York for a show. However, it should be acknowledged that filming obviously in the actors’ faces is pretty rude, but at the same time bootlegs at least give a chance for people like me to see shows I might never get to see otherwise.

7. Anonymous said: I love bootlegs because I don’t have the means to be able to travel to see shows or afford tickets, i also do theater and i feel like the point of the art is to share it as much as I can

8. Anonymous said: i've never seen a large-scale live show bc they are not accessible to me. bootlegs are amazing. truly glorious.

9.  Anonymous said: i understand that this is a rather unique experience, but i live in nyc, so bootlegs never measure up to the real thing for me. i know that this isn't something everyone can be lucky enough to say, but live theatre could never be captured in the form of a bootleg-- i don't even like released proshots as much as the real thing

10. Anonymous said: for me bootlegs are fine for those who can't see it live because of the price and they are living from another country though i know there are a lot of actors disagrees about it

11. Anonymous said: as someone who can't afford to go to a professional production of anything, absolutely gimme a bootleg. obviously I wouold prefer, like, a proshot of a show and I really hope that becomes more of the norm (I watched the Newsies proshot on Disney+ and had the happy wiggles for hours afterwards, and I can't wait for the Hamilton one to come out) but until that starts happening I'll take a bootleg any day.

12. Anonymous said: I like that it helps people get into fandoms/musicals that they wouldn’t’ve otherwise but I would prefer if theatres professionally films them.

13. maycombhoney said: they will be a part of theatre culture until live theatre is made accessible for more people

14. Anonymous said: bootlegs are great and until the theater community decides to produce pro-shots i’m all for them

15. zoueriemandzijnopmars said: I would personally feel kinda bad for watching bootlegs, because it won’t directly bring money to the people who worked on the show. I don’t judge people who do watch bootlegs though, because let’s face it, bootlegs are not a replacement for actually going to the theatre and it’s not gonna lose the creators actually money. It might even make them money, because people will listen to the album/buy tickets anyway when they can. I’d just personally be more comfortable watching a proshot

16. Anonymous said: I don't pretend bootlegs aren't stealing but whatever harm they do is abstract enough - and my decisions are drop-in-the-bucket enough - that I do it anyway

17. Anonymous said: I’m totally fine with bootlegs. I’ve watched so many of them that it wouldn’t be fair if I wasn’t. The fact is most people just aren’t able to see shows. Either they live too far away or they can’t afford it, and if this is the only way someone can experience a show, it’s better than never seeing it at all

18. Anonymous said: i think bootlegs are important for accessibility but i really wish more theatres would release proshots. i wouldn't even mind if it were after the broadway run or after the original cast is switched out, but i think it's valuable to have those recordings out during the run of the show to get more people interested and actually wanting to go out and see it. plus, if they're worried about money, they wouldn't *have* to be free. just cheaper than tickets and travel.

19. Anonymous said: about the question of the day, honestly i think bootlegs are fine as long as they're done respectfully and the filmers aren't distracting with it

20. locke-writes said: For the question of the day: If there’s absolutely no way I can see the show live or from a professional recording then I’m going to watch a bootleg. Theater should be more accessible and sometimes a bootleg is my only way to access a show. Having been part of film crews who have shot live theater I think a lot of the lack of pro recordings is the idea which that theater is difficult to record. It isn’t. Give me a pro shot show over a bootleg anyday but I’ll take what I can get

21. Anonymous said: My opinion on bootlegs is I prefer professional recordings ONLY because bootleg quality is terrible for my auditory processing problems and I hate the washed out quality. But since professional recordings are rare (unless you are, interestingly enough, Sight & Sound Theatre); for everyone else: BRING ON THE BOOTLEG! ~ Stripe Conlon

22. Anonymous said: Bootlegs are complicated! As a fan/consumer I think they’re okay, especially considering how inaccessible theatre is for people living in other countries, people who can’t afford to experience shows live, and disabled folks. But as someone who also performs, i understand that it can be distracting and legally complicated for actors who are trying to do their best and did not consent to being filmed that night. I just hope that pro shots will become more common.

23. penguinated said: Bootlegs are fine. They don't cost Broadway a thing since people will literally never not pay to see live shows (except during covid of course). and for many people, seeing a certain show with a certain cast will NEVER be possible, so what's the harm in watching the bootleg? The bootlegs aren't the problem, it's the inaccessibility of live theater, ESPECIALLY Broadway shows. If more things were available to stream (i.e. BroadwayHD) there wouldn't be a need for bootlegs. Bootleg away, imo.

24. Anonymous said: until theatre is made accessible to everyone and there is a proshot released for every show, bootlegs are absolutely necessary for the prosperity of theatre

25. Anonymous said: It's so sad that people think bootlegs are necessary! and it's even sadder that in a way they are. however, too many people use them as an excuse to not pursue alternate affordable alternatives for theatre (such as broadway hd, pursuing local shows including high school and college theatre, and utilizing legally free shows online). In addition, bootlegs absolutely CAN be unethically sourced- recordings of locally produced shows can get theaters in trouble and bankrupt them with legal fees. and if you're recording something from Broadway (which is fine imo usually), if you're actually making people PAY for your illegal recording, that's profiting off the work of others and is both very unethical and exploiting the very people many bootleggers claim to work for the benefit of. When it comes to bootlegs, it's one thing to pass around shows that have finished their runs on Broadway for free- but there's too much unethical and even HARMFUL bootleg behavior and it needs to stop.

26. Anonymous said: since Broadway is too rich and doesn't wanna spend money(for some reason) streaming their shows, then bootlegs are the only option.

27. Anonymous said: Theater is so inaccessible that bootlegs are necessary for a lot of people because with a lot of shows you can’t get a good idea of the show just from the soundtrack but people that share nft boots are assholes

28. Anonymous said: Bootlegs do more good than harm. Those against bootlegs are elitist and don't understand some people cant afford hundreds of dollars in theatre and plane tickets. Bootlegs make people crave the live experience more, a dark and shaky video with shit audio doesn't satiate the desire to see a show live. And if the show is closed all the more reason to watch a bootleg!

29. lynntjeeee said: Theatre bootlegs are amazing and are why there are fans. I live in a country with no musical theater (except the occasional sucky original production with a local celeb who can't sing) so if it not for bootlegs I wouldn't be able to watch any shows and wouldn't be a fan (thus not spending money on cast recordings, etc). People need to realise this, bootlegs do not harm the theater, in fact it only helps it. If there were official recordings, there would be many more fans (and thus more profit!)

30. Anonymous said: Opinion on bootlegs: They wouldn't be necessary if the theater industry would get with the times and release professional shots of their shows on streaming services/cable.

31. Anonymous said: I think that people are really overreacting about bootlegs. ESPECIALLY bootlegs if shows that have already closed- you may never get a chance to see that show! Ever! Now there’s an affordable and accessible way to see shows that people would kill and die for. It isn’t losing Broadway money, in fact it is bringing more people into the medium. Maybe if full proshots were more common I would feel differently, but since there is literally no other way, boots are fine.

32. Anonymous said: Bootleg opinion: just go absolutely hog wild. Fuck it. Be gay do crime.

33. Anonymous said: Bootlegs are one of the few things that are keeping me sane right now, plus the fact that not everyone has dat cash money to see the shows live, so yeah they're good stuff (as long as they are available online w/ at least vaguely good sound quality anyway 😆)

34. Anonymous said: I see it both ways. I can understand why those in the profession are against it; it’s their hard work that’s getting pirated. But I’m also poor. I have no access to theatre outside of cast albums and bootlegs. I don’t watch bootlegs because I personally feel guilty, but I will not and do not judge others if they do.

35. whatdoscissorsdo said: I think broadway bootlegs r okay?? eat the rich amirite

36. Anonymous said: I trade and watch bootlegs and don't plan on stopping, but I've recently realized that it must be super uncomfortable for actors to be filmed without their knowledge or consent, or just to have to have on their minds that they might be being recorded at any time in a performance. Like, I've happily watched Many™ Spring Awakening videos in the past year, but I doubt Alexandra Socha is that thrilled knowing there are videos up on YouTube of featuring her nude at age nineteen.

37. i-am-having-an-emotion said: they will remain a necessary evil until theater is more accessible to the masses. seeing real live theater is always better than a boot but literally like 95% of people can’t access live theater, especially at a broadway caliber, so like..... do The Poors not *deserve* theater??? what are we supposed to do BUT make bootlegs?

38. ope-okay said: bootlegs are blessings from heaven and no one can convince me otherwise

39. Anonymous said: I think it can really hype up the want for the musical. And a really good boot release can bring new creations to an otherwise small fandom. Personally I’m more interested in seeing the musicals I’ve seen boots of than the musicals I haven’t

40. Anonymous said: On the topic of bootlegs, I think they’re great but like especially for people who do not have the means to go see the shows during their runs, I feel like if you do have the means to go see the show you should do that instead

41. Anonymous said: I have a REALLY hard time with bootlegs. Because artists deserve to be paid for their work, and there are a whole host of copywriter issues that come with the mass production of a show. In addition though, I understand the anger you feel at not getting to see a show live, however there are so many resources available to help people get the idea of their favorite show even if they never see it. Honestly Wikipedia is my favorite resource, as often that has a full synopsis of the show. I’ll read that and then listen to the recording a bunch so I can understand the story and imagine what it may look like. A lot of shows put clips on YouTube, the Macy’s parade, the Tony Awards, NBC does a whole broadway week, there are so many ways that you can get glimpses into these shows without resorting to bootlegs (which at this point are still illegal) I’m not a supporter of the “theater must be seen live” idea. While I LOVE live theater (and as a performer I like feeding off an audience) but I’ve see shows with just proshots or just the movie version and they are still just as good. Unfortunately I think the only way we’re are going to make theater more accessible to audiences is through time. Bootlegs I think only make people less inclined to record shows and mass produce them. There are a whole lot of legal things that go into that as well. What I can say is what I’ve done. Read up on the show, watch all the clips you can, sometimes scripts are posted online maybe read those, listen to the album, look at pictures. It SUCKS that theater is exclusive, but bootlegs are not the solution.

let me repeat: if you wanna fight or agree with anyone, refer to the # and send in an ask or reply to this post.

#qotd #bootleg discourse #theatre discourse #bootlegs #not a quote #this was a fun one

[fairyhobiee]

bts taehyung birth chart

okay i somehow got bts’ birth times, and i dont if its right, but their chart seems accurate, but then again i don’t know them personally so i dont know what they like.. anyways enjoy

birth needs: [ daegu, south korea, dec. 30th, 1995, 5:56 am ]

𝐒𝐔𝐍 - 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐍 

the sun represents vitality, a sense of individuality, and outward-shining creative energy ! his sun sign is in capricon. he is honest, humble, stronged-willed, and ambitious. possible issues like distrust, and pessimestic mindset, could prevent him from doing certian things, like working with people, or could even lead to being aloof towards people who seem to care, but he cant tell cause of this mindset.

𝐀𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓 - 𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐔𝐒

the ascendant is how you present yourself to others, and how you come off to most people ! his asc is in sagittrarius. he identify strongly with the image he presents to others. he makes an impression on others and he has "presence", and he knows it. he is self-conscious, although he may prefer to project a strong image. he attracts good things with a positive frame of mind and a charitable disposition. rarely entirely "down and out", he is usually well-received, helpful, and well-informed. there is a self-destructive side to him that should be managed by confronting your fears. he might worry about a friend betraying him, although others might find this person full of charm ! he is quick to chuckle and can't resist any appeal to his sense of humor.

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍 - 𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒

the moon represents the emotions, and the moon sign shows how a person expresses themselves when at home, at ease, and comfortable ! his moon his in aries, in which he can be irascible and easily angered or fired up. he often goes for the things before thinking, and think it over when it’s too late to. a lot of his feelings are not powerd by anger, it’s more fustration, and he doesn’t know how to express it. 

𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐘 - 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐍

mercury represents communication, cartesian and logical spirit ! his mercury is in capricorn his mind compartmentalizes impressions, and he appreciates structure and order. The mind learns best when it can see practical uses for information. resourceful, reflective, deep thinker; a fine and vivacious mind. a rational person. can be pessimistic, skeptical, and sarcastic, possessing a very sharp sense of humor. notices everything.

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒 - 𝐀𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐔𝐒

venus represents an interest in emotions and values, exchange, and sharing with others ! his venus is in aquarius. he tries to impress you with his open-minded, future-thinking spirit. he wants you to see him as unique, rebellious, and a little provocative. he is attractive when he is acting a little aloof. he wants you to acknowledge and appreciate that he don't follow the beaten track in matters of the heart. venus in aquarius people are attracted to unusual or unconventional relationships. he doesn’t want to follow all the rules, although he may make quite a few of their own. he wants you to love him for his intellect, and to admire his visions. he value lovers who are also good friends, and he avoid emotional displays or confrontations. he likes everything beautiful, the arts, balance, and harmony. he is amiable and sociable. he likes entertainment and has a loving nature. he will delight in shocking you with his unusual ways and his forward-looking thinking. dream along with him, and don't fence him in. he needs space and will happily return the favor, giving you lots of room to breathe and to be yourself !

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒 - 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐍

mars represents the desire for action and physical energy ! his mars is in capricorn. so natives with this position have a subdued and controlled style of approaching life, and most don't come across as particularly enthusiastic; rather, theirs is a low-key but determined energy. mars in capricorn natives like to be on top of things. they are generally goal-oriented and focused people who are not afraid of hard work. most like taehyung are achievers by nature, and many possess well-defined ambitions--well-defined to themselves more than anything. capricorn is a sign that detests waste of any kind. it also fears disorderliness and "letting go". with mars in capricorn, there is generally a powerful need to stay in control. he has a good sense of organization. he knows how to make the necessary decisions rapidly, he is independent but will pour a lot of his energy into achieving social and professional success .

𝐉𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐑 - 𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐔𝐒

jupiter represents expansion and grace ! he attracts the most good fortune when he is open-handed and generous, tolerant, and practices what he preaches. can be inspirational, usually finding success in travel, education, teaching, sports, publishing, and foreign cultures. very philosophical, forward-looking, and enthusiastic. strong morals. He strongly values freedom of movement and expression. he is jovial, expansive, dynamic, kindly, altruistic. he has good judgment, is tolerant and loves food, good times, and pleasures. he has a good education and a prosperous life. he aims big and may often be disappointed with small advancements or successes, wishing that these were bigger or better. he may bring every conversation around to himself, which is a tendency that should be kept in check. he has highs and lows in his professional life.

𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍 - 𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐒

saturn represents contraction and effort ! misanthropic, with a sullen humor. he likes to live in solitude, in contemplation, preferring to work alone. may be suspicious of the intention of others, religions, faith. may suspect that others' innocence or compassion is insincere. feet and ankles may need extra attention. his life can be difficult and cramped. he is hard-working, but success takes time. he may have problems with being open, without self-consciousness. he may accept solitude rather than look for solutions. family problems. his life can be difficult and cramped. he is hard-working, but success takes time. he may have problems with being open, without self-consciousness. he may accept solitude rather than look for solutions. family problems.

𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐔𝐒 - 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐍

uranus represents individual liberty, egoistic liberty ! he could have some problems accessing his intuition, since common sense often dominates. a great battler. he has so much power that one thinks nothing can defeat him. his mission in society and in the world can mean everything to him. may question traditions and can be very open to redefining the meaning of success and to changing up traditional approaches to career and status. he can be wildly creative with an odd but happy sense of humor and perspective. he is an idealist, easily disappointed by those using power plays to advance. he fights to improve his daily life, he is persevering. he must have a job that allows him many freedoms, something non-routine. he likes change, possesses a lot of energy and knows how to influence others in spite of his originality !

𝐍𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐔𝐍𝐄 - 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐍

neptune represents transcendental liberty, non-egoistic liberty ! he is discerning, wise, and sensible. he may prefer not to attach too much value to money, but if this is overdone, there can be quite a few problems in life concerning money and ownership. he might make money through artistic pursuits, but must avoid the potential pitfalls of putting too much faith in ideas that don't have enough grounding in reality. it's vital to seek out financial advice for significant ventures. is plans can sometimes lack realism and are therefore often unattainable. however, creative fields can be enormously successful. can maintain a mysterious but magical reputation !

𝐏𝐋𝐔𝐓𝐎 - 𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐔𝐒

pluto represents transformations, mutations, and elimination ! sexuality and love are idealized. he can pour much of his energy into succeeding professionally. he is an authority figure and a great organizer. strong sense of authority. he may have felt ashamed for being needy or dependent and now feels awkward or even angry with people who display these traits without apology. he can feel very uncomfortable asking for help and/or expressing his own nurturing nature as a result. accepting the very human need for care and concern in himself can be empowering. it can also help eliminate extremes of behavior in these areas where he expresses neediness to an extreme, after which feeling remorse, and then repeating the cycle.

𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐊𝐓𝐇 :

kim taehyung is a semi-fustrated, person who bottles it up for the sake of other people, and love ones. he wants to try everything, very cautiously. he doesn’t want to be tied down, this goes for carees, realtionships, and more. he wants to make the most of his life, but he wants space while he is at it. he has a creative flow, which causes hhim to natrually flunt it, and everyone falls for it. he is more than a pretty face, he tends to come up with a lot ideas, thats out side of the box ! when he gets older he wants to live the typical peaceful life.. a place where a lot of plants, animals would suit him !

#bts #bts taehyung #kpop #zodiac #horoscope #birth chart #kth #kim taehyung

[autumn-foxfire]

So like i think its important to acknowledge the context here for some of this. The context being that between chuuya being introduced and us getting chuuyas backstory its been A WHILE. Like for a good while i used to joke that they were really wasting chuuya cuz they had a fan favorite character who we had like no information and backstory on. Like i wanna say its been at least two years between chuuya introduction n backstory but honestly im terible with memory n even worse with time progression so all im gonna say for a very very long time the fandom didnt know shit about chuuyas backstory. The most we got in guild arc was the hint that kouyou was his mentor n of course that he n dazai formed the ace in mafias sleeve n for a long while that was pretty much it. Fans ran wild with that n everybody had their own headcanon n there were a lot of fics exploring his possible backstory. From him being a french (flashbacks to french chuuya era) immigrant/ child trafficked for his ability to him training to work in kouyous borthel (that was a popular headcanon for kouyou but i dont think it has any base in canon) until they discovered his ability and were like oooo this baby dangerous. My favorite was anything that included kouyou just picking up a half feral kid chuuya n being like ahhh im keeping this, mine now. Feral Chuuya gives me life n i still like to read about it. The point being when chuuyas backstory came out it was going to have to contend with A Lot of fan content some of which was really really good.

Anyway i dislike the whole oh there was a god shoved in him when he was a kid bit. I wont stick to this a lot cuz im honestly past the point 'ugh this is So stupid' n to the point 'i dislike it but i also dont really care' but ye, im not super big fan of throwing gods around so randomly cuz i feel bsd isnt really built with that in mind, n i considered that whole part a really boring explenation to corruption and eh, im not gonna pretend that the fanwork didnt influence me n that i might have liked it better if i didnt read so much speculative fanfiction cuz it really comes down to 'its not like in my headcanons so i hate it :/'n thats p much all there is to it n thats no fun to talk about.

I did like sheep parts tho loved dat.

No what im here to talk about is how KOUYOU GOT FUCKIN ROBBED. Like we barely get any chuuya kouyou interactions anyway despite her being shown as his mentor like how mori was to dazai n kouyou herself really only had time to shine with kyouka n like this was the perfect oportunity to explore her more. She was shown as chuuyas mentor from the start, she was included in every fanwork that included chuuyas backstory, if ur gonna do chuuyas backstory you need to have kouyou there she is his mentor after all

Nope nope what do we get instead

FUCKING RANDO SAN

LITERAL GUY NAMED RANDO

Like ok fine u needed a villain for the novel thats fine, make it the person who tried to grab chuuya out good good great BUT WHAT WAS ALL THAT SHIT ABOUT FUCKING RANDO SAN BEING THE ONE TO RECRUIT CHUUYA INTO MAFIA. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT CHUUYAS FUCKING HAT BEING RANDOS, WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK WAS THAT SCENE OF CHUUYA SITTING ON HIS GRAVE LIKE FUCKIN DAZAI WITH ODA

WHAT THE FUCK

I will not stop yelling

Like honestly it made me so upset. I dont mind fucking rando san as a villain or whatever but i do mind him kinda being pushed into the spot of chuuyas mentor (whos kouyou) or recuiter (whos dazai) n him being tied into his character so significantly like the tradition of a mentor giving their student something is obvs a big thing in mafia what with dazais coat n all n it just made me so upset that chuuyas hat was given to him by some fuckass named rando n not kouyou. Or that rando seemed to impact him so much to be considered some sort of great influence when he p much just busted him out n then dazai did all the work. Like it just made me so upset that this random one but villain named literally rando was shoved as an important figure in a story of a character whos backstory we've been clamoring for so long when kouyou was literally right there like 'hi im here ready to be relevant forever.'

Like we already got a nice view of her with kyouka what with her wanting to protect kyouka but being willing to let her go wgen she sees thats the best for kyouka n that she will be happy n protected with the agency. Like i doubt she would be as protective with chuuya since their age difference is a lot smaller (4-5 years i think) so shed probs view him more as a friend or a younger brother than a literal child she has to protect but like i wanna see that i want them to have a bond, why hint at her being his mentor n then do nothing with it when mori is of such significance for dazai.

Like i think all this comes down to is obe of primary problems i had with bsd n one of the reasons i ended up growing tired with it: bsd really likes introducing new characters n new groups while at the same time doing very little with ones it already introduced if they arent like atsushi akutagawa dazai n sometimes kunikida n chuuya. N like that just gets boring after a bit i dont care about new evil group no 65 i care about the characters i already know so BLS DO THINGS WITH THEM BLS

...I’ll be honest, I didn’t notice that Kouyou was supposed to be Chuuya’s mentor. Did I just miss that in the anime or something? I didn’t know they had a bond at all.

As for Chuuya’s backstory, I also... didn’t really mind it either. I know the god part was a bit random but I also thought it was kind of fitting that Chuuya’s ability, or a part of it?, was born from something out of this world. It really does fit the “corruption” theme too, in my opinion, in the sense that his body has been corrupted by a god and it would also explain why his body isn’t able to handle the body too.

I also thought that the point of Rando being the one who “gave” Chuuya his hat was symbolism of Chuuya finding a piece of his past because of him and that’s why he visited his grave (almost as a silent thanks in a way). Plus I think it was another one of Dazai’s manipulation to get Chuuya into the Port Mafia, he knew he would never accept a belonging given to him by Dazai (he even pulled a face when he heard that Dazai, as his recruiter should be the one to give it) but when he learned it was Rando, a person who while had attacked him but had also helped him learn a tiny bit more about the god inside him, made accepting the hat more easier for him.

At least, that was my take on it.

I am a little disappointed myself about the lack of attention some characters have recieved compared to others (cough Kenji cough) and I wished they were given a little more, but I also understand why new criminal groups are introduced as bsd wants to draw a stalemate between the Agency and the Port Mafia.

I guess this a matter of different opinions XD

#bsd #thanks for the ask!! #thegaygyrus

[bodytothefifthpower]

Would you be able to go into the katya stuff if you dont mind ?? Im not sure if its being released after this so im just curious what exactly happened

Okay so clearly after all of the speculation and hostility in the fandom recently, some people are interested to learn how exactly Trixie Mattel: Moving Parts portrays Katya. I was at the premiere at Tribeca, and I’m happy to give you a brief overview of what was shown and my opinions on it.

FROM THIS POINT ON THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR TRIXIE MATTEL: MOVING PARTS! SCROLL PAST NOW IF YOU DON’T WANT ANY SPOILERS!

So while this is a film about Brian Firkus, the lynchpin of the whole film (the underpinning that holds the story together) is really Trixie & Katya’s relationship. Which is perfectly reasonable! They are a huge part of each other’s lives, and they just happened to be filming this documentary while all of Katya’s health issues were going on. To completely strike what happened from the record would, frankly, probably mean they couldn’t use a lot of the footage they had- to the point where I really think it could’ve scrapped whole chunks of the movie.

One of the first things they show in the film is Katya gifting Trixie with dolls that look like the two of them; it really portrays their friendship in a lovely light. Trixie also talks about how much she loves Katya and loves working with her, and about how everyone got to see their friendship develop over the course of filming UNHhhh. For those of us who know what’s coming, this obviously produces a lot of anxiety. But I have to tell you: that is just good filmmaking. To create a level of suspense like that is almost Greek Tragedy-eqsue with its dramatic irony.

The next part I’m going to talk about is one of the parts everyone is worried about: Katya’s last day on set at the Trixie & Katya Show. You can tell she’s unwell; she has a very short temper and very little patience for anything happening around her. But she also says “What I need is to quit, but she [Trixie] is my friend and I won’t do that to her.” Even though Katya is clearly unwell, the perspective of the film also paints her as sympathetic. Trixie’s reactions to what’s happening really does indicate that Katya is not in her right mind, and it’s not her fault. Obviously it hurt Trixie, for multiple reasons: one of her best friends is unwell, it seems like an important relationship in her life- and we learn that she doesn’t have a lot of them- is unraveling, and in addition to that, what’s happening could potentially permanently damage her career. The fact that she handles all of those issues with such humility and grace, while still trying to be understanding towards and a good friend to Katya really, REALLY speaks to her character.

The part that is most unflattering to Katya are the text messages she sends to Trixie after the premiere of All Stars 3. She says some incredibly nasty things about Trixie. She is downright mean. For those of us who know Katya though, that is just a clear indicator of how sick she was. I think we all know Katya in her right mind would not send someone- let alone one of her best friends- messages like that. But yeah, I can see how someone might feel hostile towards Katya after seeing what she did. But again, this is a thing that happened. It’s not made up for the sake of the film, and it’s not anyone slandering Katya’s name; it’s a real thing that really happened, and the only difference is that now you know about it. And again, I would like to remind everyone that this is a film about Trixie, not about Katya. So while you do walk away from the scene feeling sad for Katya (because obviously no one wants her to be unravelling like that), you mainly feel bad for Trixie. She clearly doesn’t deserve any of the ire Katya is throwing at her, as we’ve seen her trying to be a good friend. And that is what is expected! This is a film about Trixie, you know? Of course she’s the protagonist!

Overall, through the whole arc of the film that focuses on the dissolution of Trixie & Katya’s friendship the theme is really that Trixie wishes Katya was better, because she misses her friend. That’s the take away. Not that Katya is evil or anything, but that Trixie misses her friend. So do I think the film portrays Katya in a negative light? No. I think it shows the things she did- and they were not good things by any means- but, 1. It doesn’t blame her for her mental illness or addiction, and 2. It isn’t focused on the things that Katya did, but the way that it affected Trixie.

By the end of the film, we see that Trixie and Katya are friends again. It shows them having some funny- and at times tender- interactions backstage at Trixie’s LA Moving Parts show. Katya mentions that she’s better now, and we wrap up the film with Trixie & Katya back together again, and ready to take on the world. In terms of the storyline, it does feel like there’s a bit missing, because it goes from Trixie & Katya not being friends- and the uncertainty in the air over that- to suddenly they’re friends again with no explanation. From a story standpoint, I wish they would’ve included something about how they started on the road to recovering their friendship, rather than just jumping to it recovered.

Personally, I think the reason some fans are so freaked out about the way Katya is portrayed in the film is because they hold her up as this beacon of perfection. She’s mentally ill, but she’s still so funny and personable. She’s an addict, but she doesn’t appear to struggle- or if she does, she turns it into comedy. I think she’s what a lot of people who view themselves as broken hope they can be. But she’s not perfect. She is capable of hurting people. She’s capable of making horrible decisions, and getting sick, and relapsing, and ruining friendships, and honestly that is just the reality of it. We’re all capable of things like that! But you don’t love Katya because she’s perfect, you love her because she’s real. So if you’re angry in the name of your love for her that her reality is being shown, it’s possible that you love the idea of Katya, and you love what she represents, but you might not love the man himself. Just some food for thought.

Can you imagine if Katya heard everyone freaking out about the film portraying her in a bad light? The kind of pressure that’d put on her, to feel like her fans will only like her or support her provided she doesn’t slip up? Certainly that is not conducive to being supportive of her. Personally, I think holding celebrities to a level of perfection is just unfair. I think we as a fandom need to accept that sometimes Katya may not be well, and sometimes she might make mistakes, and it’s okay to acknowledge the things that have happened, and to still continue to love her.

One thing I can tell you for certain is that Trixie is NOT exploiting or taking advantage of Katya. From a purely legal standpoint, the filmmakers would have had to get Katya’s written consent to have her in the film. Katya quite literally would have had to sign off on it. Additionally, Trixie said that Katya had already seen the film. Katya was already aware of what was going to be shown. People seem to forget that Katya is a grown-ass man with autonomy, and that it wouldn’t have gone ahead without her foreknowledge. And after watching the film, I can say with certainty that Trixie absolutely wouldn’t have kept in anything that Katya didn’t okay; she’s too good and too thoughtful of a person to do something like that.

Another major thing people are forgetting, it seems, is that this is not a movie about Katya! This is about Trixie! There is a part in the movie where she says something along the lines of: “No one will want me without Katya.” It absolutely breaks my heart to think that Trixie has no idea how much we love her on her own, how much she means to us, how funny and talented she is by herself, and how much worth she has by herself. And the fact that all anyone wants to talk about is Katya- regarding Trixie’s movie- really irks me. Because she’s basically being proven right.

My last big point I’d like to make is directly related to something Trixie says in the film. She talks about how she gave all of those vague answers about Katya because it wasn’t her story to share, and she didn’t want to make the issue about herself when it clearly wasn’t. She points out that other queens were like, “we all struggle with things! Personally, I’ve dealt with [blank]!” And while the other queens were trying to demonstrate that Katya wasn’t alone, what they were really doing was making it about themselves. I can’t help but see a parallel in the fans that are angry over Katya’s portrayal in this film; the issue is about Katya, and Katya is clearly fine with it, so when you’re freaking out over it, aren’t you really just making it about yourself?

So, there are a plethora of reasons I think people should stop sending hate Trixie’s way because of this movie:

1. This is Trixie’s story. This is really what happened over the past year. To cut half of it out would be doing a disservice to Trixie and to the filmmakers.

2. The filmmakers had final say. They shot all the footage and edited it all together. Trixie really had no part in the creation of this movie aside from being the subject of it, and it’s not fair to throw hate her way for something she had very little control over; that’s like being mad at an actor for a decision the showrunners made.

3. To cut out the parts where Katya is unwell would be a disservice to Katya, because it says “we only want you when you’re perfect.”

4. Maybe someone who is struggling with addiction or who has a loved one struggling with addiction needs to see something like this! No one is being helped by just sweeping all the ugly parts under the rug.

5. Both of them have seen the movie, knew what was going to be shown, and were clearly okay with it because it went ahead and made the final cut.

6. It’s not anyone else’s business how either Trixie or Katya live their lives, or what they choose to share with their public.

7. Katya is not painted as some kind of monster. She’s painted as someone who is mentally unwell, sometimes sympathetic, sometimes not, but ultimately as a flawed human being, who does in fact get a redemption arc!

8. This is a movie about Trixie, not about Katya, and I think people need to respect that and stop shifting the focus.

In conclusion, what I walked away from this movie with was that, yes, it was very sad and at times disturbing to see Katya so hurt and broken. But more than anything, I walked away with an appreciation for Brian Firkus. For how selfless, and caring, and giving, and hardworking the man behind Trixie is. If you get a chance to see Trixie Mattel: Moving Parts I highly recommend you do so; I hope you’ll be just as in awe of Trixie as I am.

#I tried to be as clear as possible but let me know if you want further thoughts or clarifications! #honestly these are just my thoughts on the katya situation I have a lot more thoughts on the whole #specifically about how incredibly thoughtful and generous trixie is an her whole family dynamic #yes I did spend about two hours writing this- how was your Saturday night? #trixie mattel #trixie mattel: moving parts #brian firkus #katya zamolodchikova #brian mccook #long post #analysis #review #spoilers

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

#out. #illness cw #health cw #food mention #ive been writing this since noon and its now two pm so this is great #i’s usually put this under a read more but... maybe most people dont deserve a read more rn lol #their behavior will keep being awful if its not pointed out to them so #im done im gonna go welt up from hugging my cat and cry for a bit because i feel mean

[aglayalilich]

on some horror movies

a few months ago i got to see midsommar and though it didn’t quite do to me what hereditary did i thought it was a very compelling movie...shortly after, though, i was able to see the 2018 version of suspiria and wowwww did i feel some ways about that movie. i felt at the time that the two went very well together. so my friend invited me to see the director’s cut version of midsommar this weekend (still very interesting, though i felt the final cut was the right choice) and i decided i would also watch suspiria again and take notes on both. because i

wanted to articulate more why these movies work so well as a double feature for me, beyond ‘ah yeah there’s some girls dancing in it’ though certainly the role of dance and the climactic dance scenes are a part of it. there’s this structural similarity too in the final ritual acts. but like i was saying, it’s more than just a similar aesthetic. in fact the aesthetics are really in contrast, with suspiria’s bright red on desaturated colors versus midsommar’s blue and white on very lush, saturated backdrops. though they also do something similar with how color begins creeping into the character’s clothing in midsommar and of course many people have already talked about how the iconic red begins to creep into suspiria culminating at the end. really drastically different cinematography style also, midsommar is full of these long empty lingering shorts, all this wideness and slowness while suspiria is fast cuts, sudden zooms, races fromt he point of view of one character to the next. (sidenote: both have this GREAT visual language of mirrors, suspiria has the mirror room and dance studios and characters refracted a hundredfold, great for questions and multiplicity of identity. midsommar has a couple of really great scenes where one character is talking to another character but the second character is standing out of the shot and only visible in a mirror. ahhh so good. in general i wouldn’t say the effect of either movie is fear so much as disorientation--reflections, refractions, inversions. physical spaces impossible for the audience to navigate. images that the audience cannot arrange chronologically. i love it) anyway. this isn’t an essay so it is unstructured. i took about 10 pages of notes during my second viewing of midsommar and i can only understand about half of that because it was dark as fuck in the theater but i would like to at least ATTEMPT to give form to what i was feeling. comes down to 3 core similarities.

1. i read both of these movies as about abuse in communities that are supposed to be ‘safe.’ the community is a relief from trauma/abuse/horror of the outside world. there’s also a strong emphasis on the familial nature of this community. important to note that the community is genuine, it is not wholly a falsehood. it has a motivation beyond doing evil for evil’s sake, it may even believe the evil is necessary for the care of the community. this is a close and poignant topic for me, and i assume for other people as well, so it’s compelling to see it addressed in horror. it can be a great relief to see something as the subject of horror--that is an acknowledgement that it is horrific. a confirmation, an understanding, and sometimes through the resolution of the movie we can find stories that help us work through this.

2. both mostly focus on the horror of endurance rather than the horror of ending (death) which is a big thing for me in terms of my horror preferences. while i love some iconic monsters and killers ultimately the idea of ‘what if a fucked up thing killed you’ is just not actually that scary for me. what is scary for me is, yknow living in a state of unspeakable agony.

the olga scene in suspiria (you know the one) is a perfect example of this. every time you think that scene is about to be over it keeps going. and keeps going. the character is hurt but never killed, contorted impossibly, injured beyond the realm of what the human body should be able to endure but she is still alive. even when the scene finally comes to an end she is still alive! hard for me to articulate this scene if you haven’t seen it--i am very pleased and excitable about body horror and it was still rough for me purely because of how long it feels. in a sense this scene doesn’t even really end because much later during the climactic scene of the movie she is still fucking alive and has been in this state for the entire duration of the movie.

with midsommar it’s less of a body horror angle and more...dani living with all her pain and grief. but it’s done physically as well--being killed suddenly is not so horrible as being kept alive, the climactic horror is about a very prolonged, painful death. the dance scene doesn’t take it to suspiria levels but there is still a sense of the participants having no choice of when to stop, but simply must keep going in exhaustion until they cannot.

3. i really love how both of these films show pain (and other emotion) evoked through motions and breath. this one is harder to articulate. you know a lot of the time in a movie you will see an act of violence but it’s pretty...shallow, it’s just the image of violence, it has no weight to it. you don’t feel it. not so in these movies. it’s hard for me to articulate exactly how a piece of media goes about accomplishing this or not but often it makes the key distinction between things i think are just fine and things i really love.

these two have a really particular way of showing pain. in a very literal sense, there are incredible portrayals of bodies in physical pain. but there’s also dani’s raw screams of grief at the end of midsommar’s intro (and at other points throughout the film.) she is in too much pain to speak, all she can say is no, the leaked script describes it as ‘it’s so intense that it looks painful, dangerous even.’ on a slight digression i often feel  like i dont love ari aster the way a lot of people do but the thing i really truly do love and am awed by is the portrayal of this raw horrible grief pain in his films. it is so horrible it is very difficult for me to see and that is a little part of why i can never watch hereditary again. but anyway

sometimes pain robs us of thought and of language. (the movie knows this, the aforementioned prolonged painful death at the end of midsommar is one in which the character involved cannot move or speak). at a certain point it cannot be articulated through words. so these characters, the films themselves, articulate their pain (both physical and cosmic) through dreams, sighs, movement, screams.

sometimes pain seems too much for any one person to bear. this is when the movies come back around to the topic of community. both films emphasize the community as a body, made up of the individuals who serve as its cells or organs. when one part is hurt, the whole body feels the effects. more than that, the things too big for one human to possible feel are instead taken up by the community, felt by the larger body. volk is danced by one body, expressing the feeling not just of its creator but of the body. in midsommar we see the community take on in unison the feeling of one member, dancing or screaming as one (though i’ve seen different takes on whether this is to positive or negative result.) the body is formed and expresses itself through motion and breath, the dances, the sighs, the rhythmic exhalations which are all both precise and instinctive.

there is also something more i can’t say here about...not pain but the desire for someone to understand your pain, the desire for true connection.

i tried a few times to write about why this is a topic i fixate on but it didn’t feel right. to summarize ill just say that i struggle deeply with the ability to express pain.

now, on horror and the working-through of trauma...i said earlier that it is compelling to see these topics addressed in horror. horror is the main genre of any media that i enjoy and though i like other things, i don’t generally seek out anything that doesn’t have some inclination towards horror. this has always been the case but grew more true the more, uh, fucked up my life became, and i find it generally the best mechanism for thinking about (and not necessarily but sometimes coping with) grief and trauma and pain in all its forms. other people have written extensively about this, articulated it better than i could, there’s not really a need to get into it further than that.

but i’m thinking about one thing i’ve seen recently...(actually two things, firstly, some posts that seems to imply horror movies never tackled trauma before ari aster started directing which is just...quite a take, quite a take.) it was shots of ending scenes from a few horror movies, including hereditary and midsommar and also suspiria...i think the vvitch also and maybe also possession or something you know all the movies bitches with ptsd love (i’m bitches.) shots of the protagonist’s faces in the ending, a certain expression both rapturous and dissociated. there was something in the way i saw some people respond to this that made me think a lot...i think the idea that through great overwhelming trauma we can reach a point of ecstasy, or total transformation, is a very compelling story. it is something i have wished for often or even believed will happen--that there will be a certain point at which it really is too much and beyond that will be something different. some rapture that you will reach. not necessarily something positive but something that isn’t pain, that is beyond pain and horror. the idea of reaching divinity through great suffering is nothing new of course. but.

the true horror of endurance is that this is not going to happen. there is no point at which there will be absolution or ascension. the mirror does not shatter. it just keeps going. when you think this is the limit, it just keeps going.

the nice thing about movies is that they have a structure, and though they might leave you altered, they do end, the screen goes black. comfort of darkness, relief of endings. a sigh...

at least, that’s how i feel right now.

#this is based in my own experiences and mood and is not meant to be telling people how to feel or any kind of formal analysis #just trying to shape a feeling out on paper!