#something something you're alone after coming into a new existence. You're on a field. It's day. And you exist

[rivilu]

Wait. Logistically speaking. Would Elluin even know how to read.

#i've had this in the drafts contemplating for days #like. he had a frankenstein creature situation of being reborn with no memory of anything. #and even if language magically stuck with him you got the First World time thing going on #something something you're alone after coming into a new existence. You're on a field. It's day. And you exist #and you exist. and you exist. and you exist. and you exist. It's day. #is it the same? is it different? #you exist. nothing changes. you slowly lose your mind. it's still day. you exist. you exist. #thorns grow around you. under you. under your skin. do you have skin? The more you struggle the worse it gets. It's still day #anything he did know he forgot at that time so #even after being kicked off to golarion it's not like he could have like. a teacher dfjg #half of it was spent in an inq asylum which was not at all traumatizing and from which he got out in a very moral way for sure #and after that he was scraping by on the streets until areelu snatched him up #like. makes sense he's be able to Speak common- as this all takes place through an indeterminate amount of years #up to interpretation since he wasnt keeping track but the post first world era alone was probably many centuries. #but when would he have been able to pick up reading? Since he'd have to do it on his own too. #not like a fucked up little not quite but mostly fey creature could go up to any temple and expect to be trusted enough for charity #the hc is that the wound winds up disguising his fey with a mortal soul business since it overshadows it. before that though nope! #he'd have been clocked as fey by anyone that can sense it even in elf form #basically. Galfrey what have you fucking done putting this guy in charge dfjghfh #maybe he can read a LITTLE. just enough to make do at first at least #would probably try to get some help on the sly because there's a minimum of two companions that should Never Know (Nenio and Daeran) #Nenio for reasons you can probably guess Daeran less because Ellu cares about being insulted- #more so because he doesn't have anything funny to retort with. like yeah i can't. kind of sad isn't it. and now the conversation is awkward #great and now i'm thinking about how much he deserved to live again #There's some great parallels with Orion actually. They were in a very similar mental place at the climax of their respective stories #dare i say Elluin actually deserved to live more. Which is why he doesn't #oc: elluin

[halcyone-of-the-sea]

Main Masterlist || Navigation || All works are F!Reader || All images sourced from Pinterest ||

SONGS THAT SOUND LIKE SEA-FOAM || Mini-Series || Completed

PAIRING: Fisherman!John Price x F!Mermaid!Reader

SYNOPSIS: In which a lone mermaid finds good company with a handsome fisherman who trespasses in her cove. But the word isn't what it used to be...hunting ships patrol the waters.

CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III

FANART: “You’re somethin’ beautiful, y’know that?” & "Mermaid Interpretation" by @thedevillovesflowers

2. RUN AWAY TO ME || Mini-Series || Completed

PAIRING: Blacksmith!Johnny 'Soap' MacTavish x F!Runaway Bride!Reader

SYNOPSIS: The night started with wine and ended with blood. Racing through the woods after having escaped your wedding, you find a lone homestead in the middle of a rainstorm. Alone, wounded, and bordering on unconsciousness, you have no option but to knock.

CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III

3. BLOOD-STAINED WOOL SPUN AT MIDNIGHT || 18 + Mini-Series || Completed

PAIRING: Werewolf!Ghost x F!Tailor!Reader (Set in Van Helsing Era/Aesthetic)

SYNOPSIS: When you left the town in the year of our Lord, 1897, to buy more wool from the local farmer, the cobblestone streets had come up to meet the hooves of your neighbor's horse.

Along this trip of false hope, the open fields at your sides had led to the backdrop of a brimstone forest; an old shadow seems to loom there. A black thing. A devil with eyes like a burial mound. You were told to fear the Ghost of the Forest, but never had you known you'd be caught in his blackened claws.

CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III

4. BLACK METAL AND BOURBON || 18+ Mini-Series || Completed

PAIRING: Biker/Mechanic!Ghost x F!Bartender!Reader

SYNOPSIS: You've been in this small town for your entire existence, giving up dreams and aspirations to carry on life as a simple bartender despite your hatred of two things: the smell of cigarette smoke and the disrespect from regulars, namely, your ex and his buddies. But on a still-air Sunday, almost overnight, a mechanics shop pops up right across the street - giving sight to new faces and a fresh group of men with a love of motorcycles. One, in particular, seems to only like Bourbon.

CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III

5. TO HUNT A SILVER STAG || Mini-Series || Completed

PAIRING: Knight!Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick x Fae!Princess!Reader

SYNOPSIS: Promised to a greedy king to try and preserve the magic of the land, a princess instead finds herself drawn to a chivalrous knight and his gentle words. But everyone knows magic has a mind of its own.

CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III

6. HOW TO ADAPT TO FIRE || Mini-Series || Completed

PAIRING: Fireman!John 'Soap' MacTavish x F!Journalist!Reader

SYNOPSIS: There is an arsonist in your city, and you're going to catch him. As one of the most prolific investigative journalists in the city, you make a lot of enemies the second your papers are released to the public. Your informant - and perhaps something more - in the local fire department makes a point to tell you to be careful.

But everyone knows he's right beside you when the fires start sparking.

CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III

7. MOSS, BONE, AND A FALLING STAR || Mini-Series || Not Started

PAIRING: Witch Hunter!Price x F!Witch!Reader

SYNOPSIS: Humans have not been kind to you, but they usually are to things that they don't understand. You're offered a deal when a rugged-looking Witch Hunter shows up at your secluded hut. Make him see you for what you truly are in three stories or less. You oblige and give him the limit - a story of moss, of bone, and of a falling star.

CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III

8. VIVAMUS, MORIENDUM EST || Undetermined || Not Started

PAIRING: Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick x F!Reader (Reincarnation AU)

SYNOPSIS: In every lifetime you made a promise to one another: even if you must die, you will find a way to live together for all of eternity, be that five or a hundred years from now. You'd not broken your promise yet.

CHAPTERS: Undetermined

#masterlist #cod masterlist #cod fanfic #cod #cod x reader #call of duty #cod x you #cod price #cod gaz #cod soap #cod mw22 #call of duty mw2 #x female reader #modern warfare 2 #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty x reader #call of duty x you #john price x you #gaz x reader #soap mactavish x reader #ghost x reader

[spidybaby]

Wenasss✨ Not me sneaking into your inbox🤭😅 to kindly ask for Bad Kind of Butterflies part II, please and thanks!🤣🫶🏼

Bad Kind of Butterlies | Part Two

Summary: Pedri regrets his actions and tries to get back to you.

Warnings: fighting, cursing. Physical fight. Part one

"Pedri, the ball. Keep your eyes on the fucking ball." Xavi yells. "God, what's going on with you today?"

Pedri can't even look at Xavi in the eyes, he has sis eyes glued to the floor. He can feel the looks of his teammates burning him.

"Miss that ball again, and you're benched." Xavi says, stern tone.

"I'm sorry, Mister."

He tries his best to focus on the ball, trying not to miss it or not miss the goal to the net, but he can't keep his mind on the field.

Gavi, playing with the other half of the team, stole the ball from him, making Oscar sound the little whistle.

He just observes the way Xavi is yelling. Tired and really not that interesting, he can't seem to understand a word that's coming out of his trainers mouth.

The training goes on for another half hour, and then they're all reunited in the salon to plan the next game.

The "Real Madrid vs Barcelona" typical classic.

He focuses all his attention on speech Xavi is giving the team. Turning his head to see Ferran typing something on his phone.

He makes the lining, Xavi kept his promise and bench him for the next game. Leaving the possibility of getting back if he improves in this next two trainings.

"Estas bien?" Ferran asks, taking him to the side for them to be alone.

"I'm not sure." He sincerely says. He can't keep secrets ti Ferran. "I just need to keep my head around what's important."

"And she's not?"

"The thought of her is making me be benched. I think I had enough of her for the rest of the week."

He turns to the dressing room, ready to collect his belongings and leave. No shower, no nothing.

But to his bad luck, Ferran is quicker and stops him by the arm. "You can't keep doing this. This is not healthy, Pedro."

"What am I supposed to do?" He angrily says, removing his arm from the hold of his friend. "She won't listen to me, she changed her number, she changed her apartment building. It's like she disappeared."

Ferran was holding the bitter "I told you" He had been keeping since after the party.

When a very angry Gavi told him about the words Eric said to his date and then to Pedro, he was pissed, he wanted to fight him. But, like a rational person, he calmed Gavi down and helped fixing the situation.

What he could help was the disaster Pedri did, yelling at you and fighting with gavi over the words of Eric. Words he warned him about.

"Just please call me if you need anything." He pats Pedri on the back and walks to the showers.

He nods, grabbing his stuff and walking back to his car. He wants to run away from everything and everyone.

Once he makes it to his car, his head feels like it's going to blow up. He'd dizzy and tired.

The way his heart is pounding like crazy and he feels like passing out scares him. This isn't news to him. He was having a panic attack.

He tries to breathe, counting things like you thought him. Five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

Once he's calmed enough to at least drive himself home, he calls Fer, asking him to be home "I need you, Fer." He says crying.

His brother was worried, his whole family was. He wasn't the sweet, happy and very enthusiastic boy they known. He was now this confused and sad looking boy.

Pedri can't even seem to move upstairs to his room, he can't help the tear falling down, he can't help the blame he feels.

His relationship with Pablo was broken, his relationship with Eric is almost non existent. All thanks to him.

He can't blame Eric for it, he was the one who did all the bad stuffs, hitting your friend, hurting you by not trusting you.

He remembered your words like if you were just telling them to him.

"You're not dumb. You're such a smart man. So I need you to use that intelligence to understand that if you keep doing this shit, you're losing me."

But did he lost you?

He wanted to heard you voice, wanted to hear about that interview you told him about the day of the wedding. He wanted to hear about your new workout routine.

But he can't, because everytime he calls you he hit voice-mail. Everytime he goes looking for you he remembers that a new person lives in that apartment. Everytime he tried to look up for your social media profiles you weren't there.

"And that fucking sucks." He tells Fer, not knowing how else express his feelings.

Fer understand the struggle you both are going through, from his brother side is the blame of making you leave and not being the man you deserved. And he also understand that you want Pedri to change and to fight for you.

Ferran and Fer tried his best to talk to you and convinced you to give Pedri a chance. Thing you denied, you made a promise to yourself, he needed to prove to you that he changed.

You wanted the relationship you had before, the trust, the unconditional love. You wanted to feel joy again, to feel like you could be with him again.

You can't say you had it worse, but you were struggling as well. Sira had to force out of bed and to a local park. You cried like a child in her lap, telling her how much you needed him.

"You don't need someone who can't make an effort of changing. You need to understand that."

She was right, you needed someone who will be there for you in bad and good. During hard and easy.

"Good morning sunshine." Sira yells opening the curtains. The sun hit directly to your face, making you groan and turn around.

"oh, no ma'am." she pulls the duvet in a quick motion. "I made breakfast, get up."

She gave you five minutes to wash your face and brush your teeth. You can't help to feel a little annoyed at the wake-up call Sira pulled.

"Eat, please." She serves the breakfast to you, giving you a fork and a kiss on the cheek.

The day was bright, the sun was shining so much, the view from your apartment was breathtaking, making you feel happy instantly.

"I can't believe we're going to graduate tomorrow." Sira yells while doing a little dance. "I'm so happy for us."

"I am too, thank you for sticking up to me after all this time."

You walk over to her, giving her a big hug. She separates a little, reaching for the grad hat you have in the corner, putting it up on you.

When you broke up with Pedri you had a very bad time, you were in denial, somehow blaming yourself for the things that happened.

Then was the rage, it was not your fault, it was Eric's and Pedro's fault. He was the one believing the disturbing mind of Eric.

Then came the sadness, you were crying like crazy, in the shower, at the movies when Sira and Kyle took you out, at the parking lot of the building.

And now you're just blue.

"We have to go get the dresses, eat and let's go."

When the lease for your apartment concluded. You wanted to move to a smaller place, wanting something more "home like"

Sira was not okay with the decision, she convinced her parents on sharing a Apartment with you while you both figure your life out.

The moving was heartbreaking for you, specially because you couldn't run away from the memories.

"When you graduate, we're moving together. We can remodel the house, giving it your touch, make this place our home."

You used to laugh, thinking it was crazy for him to think about settling down at barely twenty one. "You'll change your mind, Pepi. "

But he cut you off, telling you that there was no other thing in his mind. He can't picture a future without you in it.

"I invite Pablo to the ceremony, and Fernando." You confess.

"Are you sure about that?" She asked worried. "I mean, Pablo I guess but Fer?"

"My family isn't coming, so I have the tickets and the closest thing to a family here is you, your family that is already attending and the González."

"Okay, if you think that's the right think to do, I'm not saying anything."

🪷🪷🪷

"Squish, all of you, let me take a picture." Luis Enrique says. "Okay, in three, two, one, cheese!."

You smile, arm around Sira and Karla.

After what felt like a whole photoshoot, Sira was ready to greet some family members that joined the ceremony.

"Y/n!" you heard at the distance.

You turn around, looking for the voice. It was your favorite angry bird. The big white bouquet of flowers doesn't go unnoticed.

"Felicidades, preciosa." He hugs you with one hand, the flowers getting in the middle of that. "Oops, sorry. This is for you."

"Thank you, Pablito." You hug him carefully this time. "Thank you for coming."

"I was happy when you sent me the invite, Sam says hi and congratulations."

"Are you coming to my party?"

Pablo was about to answer but someone calling you name again interrupting him.

"Fer!" You say, happily about seeing him again. "Thank you for coming." You say, getting squish between his arms.

"Felicidades, hermanita." He kiss your cheek. "Mom and dad are so proud of you, they send their congratulations to you."

You smile at him, the warmth your heart is feeling is making you blush. "Thank you." You whisper. "Pablito and you need to tell me if you're coming tonight."

"I will, what about you, Fer?"

"I can't wait."

PabloGavi has added to his story

Yourusername has added to their story

🪷🪷🪷

"Okay, it's game day time. Let's finish preparing ourselves, and let's go warm up." Oscar says, excited about the match against RMA.

"Pedri, can I have a minute outside, please." Xavi calls.

He was trying his best to concentrate, head in the game. Even if that sounds like a high school musical thing to say.

"Mira, I know I said that I was benching you." Xavi began, making Pedri nod. "I'm going to make an exception, I'm making Marc play for twenty minutes then you're in."

"I promise that I won't lose the ball." He smiles like the cat in Alice in wonderland. "Gracias, Mister."

Xavi pats his back, smiling back at him. He knows that Pedri has the range, he just needs to take it out in the right place. The field.

Pedri has added to his story

"Finally, a game that was worth to watch." Kyle says, eating the remaining pop corn from the bowl.

This game was very important for the Barcelona, they needed this game to keep themselves at the top of La Liga.

And they did it. They won.

Pedri scored a game thanks to Pablo's passing the ball to him.

"He played really good." Karla comments.

"Yeah, he did." You whisper.

You were proud of him, he was your golden boy after all.

You remembered the first game you went to. He gifted you a shirt with his number. He sent a car to come get you.

That was the first gol he ever dedicated to you. You remember the way you felt, the smile on his face, the aura of the stadium. It was simply magical.

And now you're supporting him from the comfort of your home. Because no matter what, he was all that to you.

But where you still all that to him?

You always kept those thoughts for yourself, your friends were done with you talking about him. Always ending up crying.

"So are we going out tonight?" Karla asks, turning the TV off.

"I don't know if I want to go out guys." You say, washing the dishes from the dinner. "I'm not feeling well."

"A Tylenol and were out and about, my lady." Sira says laughing at your face.

"Fine, but I don't want to he out till five in the morning, please."

"Deal."

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The party was good, you ended up not inviting Kyle because you were feeling like having a girl's night out.

Karla got invited to a vip club that was on the way of your apartment, you were on your way there.

"We're going to the vip section." She says to the bodyguard at the entrance, showing him a picture. "Thank you."

The club was way fuller than the last one, the aura was way better too.

"Y/n, let's get a drink." Sira yells.

"Let's just take Karla to her friends table and we can go, okay?" You yell back, she nods.

Karla was seeing this dude that was a manager of some new footballers, they were young like in La Masia.

The other dudes at the table invited you to different drinks, since they got special treatment because of their vip status.

Karla has added to her story

You were thankful with your friends, they were making you have so much fun.

"Girls, I'm going to the bathroom." You say to your friends, getting up from your seat and walking to the little outside bathroom they have for the vip rooms.

You got knocked up a little by someone, hitting you shoulder with the door frame. "Fucking idiot." You say to yourself, smoothing the hurt area.

You were washing your hands when someone moved the doorknob, knocking desperately at the door.

"Wait, I'm almost done." You say drying your hands with a paper towel. The person on the other side keeps knocking like crazy. "It's been five seconds like wait." You say.

You open the door and to your surprise the face on the other side of the door is a familiar one. "Y/n?"

"Ferran, hi!"

He walks inside the bathroom, making your way out impossible since he closed the door. "Joer', it's so good to see you." He hugs you for a few seconds.

You can smell the alcohol in his breath, making you scrunch your nose. "Are you alone?" You ask him.

"No, I'm with some friends from Valencia."

"Okay, take care Fer, I need to go back to my friends." You wanted to leave so he can use the bathroom.

"Wait, I want to talk to you." He stops you from opening the door. "Please give me your number."

You think for a few seconds, not sure about the proposal. "What if I wait for you outside?" You smile at him.

"You won't run away?" He asks, you shake your head no. "Pinky promise?" He elevate his pinky finger over to you.

"Pinky promise." You smirk while intertwining fingers with him. "Hurry up." You say, walking outside for him.

A few minutes later you see Ferran dance walk over to you, you smile at this goofiness. You missed that.

"Tell me, Mister paella." You joke, mentioning his nickname you and Pedri gave him.

"I wanted to tell you, more like ask you for a favor." He says breathlessly. "I know you might say no, but I want to try."

You knew where this was going, but you let him continue with his speech. Nodding your head to let him know you heard him and to continue.

"I know that you probably are in a better place and you are moving on, but please heard me out. Pedri is not alright, and you don't own him nothing after the stupid shit he pulled, but please you need to talk to him."

You sigh, you know that he was not having the best development during training or at the matches. Fer told you that already, but he didn't asked for you to reach to him.

"I know I'm asking for too much." He continued. "I'm just out of ideas of what to do with him. Xavi is about to beat his ass, Oscar too, Gavi and him don't even look at each other. We almost beat Eric to the ground with Gavi."

"He deserves that." You scuff. "But I'm not sure what you expect me to do?"

"Can you maybe call him? Or text him?" He asks. "Or I don't know, send him a dm if you don't want to share your number with him."

You think about it for a good minute, you knew that he was struggling, you were too, but you wanted to maybe help him even when he didn't deserved that.

"I'll reach out to him." You finally say. Making Ferran jumps from excitement. "I'll try to find a good time, okay?"

He nods excited, hugging you and giving you a quick kiss in the side of the head. "Thank you, if you need a ride home you can tell me."

"Thank you, I'm good, my friend is driving us." You wave him goodbye. Both of you go back to each vip rooms.

🪷🪷🪷

"Look at this cd" Pablo says, passing the 1989 cd. "What are you doing this December?"

"Well, I was thinking about spending my December here in Barcelona." You say, helping him organizing some pictures. "Aw, young Pablito." You say, showing him the picture.

"Stop that." He laughs. "So you're not going back home?"

"I mean my family is not going to be there, so I might as well be alone here."

"You're welcome to spend time with Sam and with me. Also with my family and me."

"Thank you, crunchy guy." You joke with him.

Now that he's in recovery you can visit him more often. You love watching new movies and shows with him because you have the same taste.

"I want to ask you something." You say, not sure how to approach the topic of Pedri. "But you can tell me if it makes you uncomfortable."

"Okay?" He says, eyes scrunched.

"Ferran and I were at the same club and we find ourselves in the bathroom." You began. "Long story short, he asked me to call Pedri."

"Y/n, I'm not the best to give you advice on this."

"I just need guidance, Pablo." You confess. "I'm not one to ask you anything but just be honest with me."

"Joder" He sighs, hands on his face. "What do you want me to say?"

"How is he?" You ask worried. "Is he doing okay?"

"He came to see me at my recovery the other day." He says, hand scratching his head. "He asked me to forgive him."

You let him take him time to tell you everything.

"We talked and it's not like we are on speaking terms like we used to but we are better."

"That's good, I think you both needed that." You say honestly.

"Now, to answer you. I think he's doing better little by little. He's not the best at hiding his feeling and you know that, he tents to get quiet and death looking." He laughs at the last part. "But, if you want my opinion, I think he needs to fight for you. A call or a text will not harm anyone."

You nod, taking everything he says into consideration. He was right, Pedro had to make some sacrifices for you.

"But, you can do what you think is best." He says, hands in the air.

"Thank you, angry bird." You hug his body, careful with his leg. "Love you."

"Can you show me love in a form of a sandwich?" He asks, batting his eyelashes like a little kid. "Pretty please."

"Just because you're my little baby." You tap his nose with care. Making him laugh. "I'll be back."

Yourusername has added to their story

"I was thinking about doing a baking course." You tell Sira, you're at the pool at her parents house. "I want to learn how to do Christmas cookies."

"My mom knows how to, you can ask her to teach you."

"That's better, you're right."

You keep looking at your phone, it's been three weeks since the talk with Ferran and two since the talk with Gavi.

Today they announced that Pedri was feeling some pain in his muscles, so he wasn't training. You know how much that affects Pedro mentally.

"Hey, what if we go change? I kinda want to go shopping." You say, getting out of the pool and walking over to the towel. "You coming?"

Yourusername has added to their story

Siramartinezc has added to her story

🪷🪷🪷

"I'm going to take a shower and we can eat, okay?" You say, hands full of bags. "Chao bella, take a shower please."

You leave everything on a chair next to your bed, the phone in your pocket feels heavy, you know you want to make that call.

You dial his phone number, sitting with your legs crossed on your bed. Your heart is beating like crazy.

"Hola"

Your breath is gone, you suddenly lost the ability to talk.

"Hola?" He repeats.

His raspy voice, his heavy breaths when he's trying to catch air. Simply him.

"Hola." You whisper.

Now is his turn to lost the speech ability. He's frozen. It's been months.

"Y/n?" He asks, not believing you're the one on the line.

"Hola." You repeat. "Te llamé en mal momento?" (Did I call you at a bad time?) You ask, bitting your nails.

"No, de hecho no estaba haciendo nada." You can hear a door closing. "How are you?" (No, I was actually not doing anything)

"I'm good, dealing with life. What about you? I heard about your muscle pain."

Your voice is low, you feel scared of saying something wrong. Even though you're barely at the beginning of the call.

"I've been better, I'm missing the Dallas game." He sighs. "I just feel like every time I'm feeling confident about coming back, my body gets fucked up."

You humm in response, letting him vent his frustration.

"I'm tired honestly, Xavi and Oscar are at the edge with me and I think that with the team. Frenkie barely came back, the team sucks, Gavi is hurt."

"I'm sorry this is going like that." You say, being honest.

"I don't even log into social media anymore. On Twitter and on Instagram the haters keep comparing me with Jude, with Vini, with Rodry. I'm so done, Y/n."

"Ay Pepi, I wish I can say something to make you feel better. But you know I suck at that." You laugh, making him laugh too. "You know you're amazing, and that if Xavi and Oscar get frustrated they don't feel your pain, that's why you have to be open with how your body feels."

"I do, believe me that I do, but I can't help but think that every time I say my muscles hurt, they gave me this disappointed look."

The way his voice break makes your heart hurt. You know from past experiences that his mental health goes down day by day if he overthink about the topic.

"And my parents and Fer try to tell me off of this ideas and I don't think it's working. I just wish I can turn my brain off for the night so I can sleep well tonight."

His breathing is getting heavier by the second, you can pick what's going on. He's overthinking and about to have a panic attack.

"Oye, tell me about that game you wanted to buy." You ask out-of the blue, making his mind think of another think.

"Game? What game?" He asks, voice breaking.

"Yeah, the one you wanted to buy. That one with the cars on it." You explain. "And what about that drink you wanted to try, did you tried it?"

"The green one?"

"Si, that one. Did you tried it? Was it good?"

"It tasted weird, and the game I never bought it. Lost interest on it."

"Okay, what about your mother croquettes?"

"They're so good, I broke diet the other day at Adrian's birthday party."

You can hear the breathing being hard but not as heavy as before. You relax, laying fully on your bed.

"Te amo." He says. "I'm sorry about everything, I'm so dumb. You told me that I was losing you and I never changed. It's my fault you're not next to me, that you're not at my games."

"Pedri, let's not do this." You interrupted him.

"Let me say it, Y/n." He begged. "I need to get this out of me, it's eating me alive."

"Okay, keep going."

"I know Fer went to your graduation. I cried myself to sleep that night, and every night after I lost you. I can't think of anything else." He sobs, making your heart hurt. "And my parents are so fucking mad at me, because how could I lost the girl of my dreams?"

"Pedro." You tried to make him stop.

"And my father told me how disappointed he was of me. He was so mad when I told him the truth. I can't keep doing this without you. You were supposed to be laying next to me, calling this place your home. I'm sorry."

"This is not why I called."

"Tell me what I have to do for you to forgive me." He begged again. "Tell me how can I fix this. Please."

"Pedro, stop."

"Please."

You wanted to hang up, not wanting to give up on all the progress you've made. In the promises you made to yourself.

"I think we both need to take a breath." You laugh nervously. "Please, breathe."

All you can hear was the heavy breathing from your and his side of the call. Your mind running a mile per second.

"Can we met, please?" He asks. Your heart was saying yes, but your mind was more coherent.

You were about to answer when Sira stormed into the room asking you to try something. Pedro heard the voice of her and wondered if you were at his parents house.

"I have to go." You say, hanging up the phone quickly. "What?" You ask Sira, she's looking at you with narrowed eyes.

"You okay?"

"Yes, I was about to take a shower but my mom called."

"Was it bad?" She asked worried. "Do you want to talk?"

"I'm fine, I'm just getting in the shower and then we can have some of that green thing you have in there." You tap her nose and walk quickly to the bathroom.

Pedro was laying on the couch he has in his room, his head pounding like crazy, the tears falling from his eyes, wetting his face.

He walks to his bathroom, he needs to wash his face. He needs to relax and breathe like you told him to.

The way he feels lighter after telling you how he feels was refreshing, his shoulders don't have the weight they used to five minutes ago.

His reflection is like a stranger to him. His dark circles under his eyes now darker, his weight every day less. He can't keep doing this to himself.

You feel the same way as you look at your reflection. The tears pooling that you don't want to let wet your face.

You take deep breaths, the sound of shower and the steam makes you be back from your thoughts. You got into the shower, sliding down the bathroom wall while hiding your face into your hands.

Pedro can't seem to find a way to stop his tears, knees on the floor while the sounds of his painful cry interrupt the peaceful silence of his home.

🪷🪷🪷

"You sure you're okay with me going to this party?"

Ferran invited you to his sister's birthday party, you and her were good friends thanks to Sira. Sadly due to the breakup, Sira didn't wanted to come but sent her a gift.

"Yes, go and have fun. I'm fine here with my book and with my coffee."

You kissed her on the cheek and went on your way, you asked Fer if he was coming but he told you that he was about to leave to Tenerife.

"But if you wonder or not." He says with a funny tone. "Pedri will be home."

You knew that Ferran sister didn't invite him, she told you herself. So you were fine with at least not having to tip toe around.

The party was at this club that Ferran rented for her party, you loved the pink and white theme she chose.

Yourusername has added to their story

You were enjoying yourself, finding some in common friends you haven't talk to in a while, the vibes were good and the night was refreshing for you.

You were retouching your makeup at the bathroom. You heard knocking on the door, thinking that maybe they found that the downstairs bathroom was full.

You take the last look at yourself in the mirror. Adjusting you jacket and opening the door, you find the person you wanted to dissappear from this earth.

The way he roll his eyes makes you angry, he was annoyed at your presence? You should be the one that's rolling the eyes at him.

"Move, please." You say, stern tone.

"You're leaving so soon?" He smirks.

You don't think twice and push him to the side, you can hear him fall over to the little sofa that was outside the bathroom.

You walk downstairs, finding the birthday girl and saying your goodbyes to her and to Ferran, who was next to her.

You were walking to your car when you feel someone grabbing you by the arm and throwing you agains a car door.

You groan at the pain that's growing on your side. You put your hand against your ribs, you find hard to breathe.

"You really think you can treat me like shit?"

"Are you out of your right mind?" You whisper, not fully recovered from the impact. "What the fuck."

"You're such a fucking bitch, making my friends be against me, making my team be against me."

"What the fuck are you talking about? You did this to yourself, Eric"

You tried to walk away from him by pushing him but he grabbed you back and stamped you back again. Making the car alarm sound.

"Eric, what the fuck?" You hear someone yell.

You notice how Ferran was running to where you are. Pushing Eric away from you. He shield you with his body.

"Why is everybody defending her?" Eric yells, getting closer again.

"Don't fucking dare."

"I just don't get why everyone believes she's the innocent girl she pretends to be."

You scuff, he's the one mad at you as if he didn't ruined your relationship. "You were the one telling Pedri shit and making him doubt me. You ruined my relationship"

"Oh no, I ruined your little gold digging act? Are you not able to afford rent now?"

"Fuck you." You spat, feeling rage grow inside of you. "Maybe if you use that mind inside the field you would be a good player and not the trash you are."

"Enough!" Ferran yells. "You, go away." He points at Eric. "Now!"

He grabs your arm, making you walk away from the scene. You keep your hand on your side, trying to smooth the area where is hurting.

"Can you drive?" He asks, you nod slowly. "What the fuck, what the actual fuck?" He whispers.

"I'm fine, you can go back to the party, Ferran." You whisper. "Thank you."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm in shock but I'm fine, don't worry about me. Please don't let this ruin the party." You hug him, his hands on your back trying to calm you down.

Even when you don't cry or show any emotion, he knows you're not okay.

"Tell me when you're home"

"Yes, I'll dm you, thank you."

He's back inside once you're on your way at the driveway. You're on autopilot, feeling hazy from all the emotions you're feeling.

You don't even notice the turns you make until you're outside his door. You turn off the car, taking your phone to text him.

You waited for barely two minutes, the door of his house opening. You take your seat belt off and stretch to the passenger door, opening it for him.

"Hola, preciosa." He says, worried expression on his face. "Are you okay?"

"Want to go for a ride?" You ask, ignoring his question. He nods, asking you to wait for him.

Once he collects his keys and a sweater, he hup up your car and you began the drive. You have a destination in mind.

Hes quiet, not sure if he's supposed to ask you again if you're okay. He's just enjoying seeing you after so long.

"It's too cold for just that jacket." He says, eyes up and down your body.

"It's fine, it keeps me warm." You say, the stern tone of voice worries him. "Seatbealt on." You say when the annoying alarm goes off.

"Yours is off too." He points at your chest, you just groaned, putting the seatbelt on.

Your drive to the highest part of the park. The beautiful view of Barcelona at night welcome you. You turn the car off, getting out as soon as you can.

You wanted to scream.

All you wanted was peace. You wanted to feel like you used to feel before all of this. You wanted to be able to go home and find your boyfriend there or go to his place and share things about your day, share moments with him.

The hands of Pedri on your shoulders feel heavy, you take a step, making the contact break.

"Do you trust me?" You ask on the verge of tears.

"With my life." He answer, not wasting a minute.

"Then why did you do that to me?" You let the tears fall down your face. "Was I not a good girlfriend?"

"Y/n, don't say that." He shake his head no. "You were the best thing I ever had."

"Then tell me, what it was?"

"It wasn't you, it was me. All me." He elevated his voice. Not at you but at the heat of the situation. "It was all me, I was the one who got those stupid ideas in my head, I trusted you, I knew Kyle was nothing but your friend, I knew you were just friends with Pablo, I know you would never do nothing to hurt me."

"What about the day I left?" You ask, the aftertaste is bitter on your mouth.

The thought of that day bring nightmares to his mind. The things he told you, the shit he provoked. They way he pushed you over the edge to the point of making you leave.

"I don't have a problem with the way you dress, I love your style. I don't have a problem with how much you love your friends, I love your way of acting, the way you love everyone, I don't have a problem with you being friends with Pablo, I love you and I love how my friends are your friends."

He take a deep breath, feeling like the air in his lungs is not enough. Feeling like the cold air is making breathing hard.

"And I'm sorry about the way I treated you, the way I was acting, I never meant to make you feel bad about my insecurities. I was the problem. I was the one who let someone else get into my head, I was the one who made the mistakes, and i was the one who made you feel like I didn't love you."

He gets closer to you, hands on your cheeks, drying the tears. Your hold his hands with yours. "But I love you, don't ever think that I don't." He whispers, kissing the top of your nose.

You nod, grabbing his face with your hands, caressing his cheeks. You pull him towards you, pressing your foreheads together.

"I love you too." You say after a while, pulling away from him. "But I have to love myself first. And I need to see that you changed."

Even when your words burn his heart, he understand. He wanted to prove himself to be what you needed, the person you can trust. He wanted to be all that to you again. Because you're all that to you.

"I'll do anything to prove to you that I changed. I'll wait as long as you need to, I want you to trust me again."

"I miss you." You hug him, arms locking behind his neck. His hands don't miss a minute to intertwine behind your back.

"I miss you more." He kisses you neck. "I promise I will prove you that I can be the person you deserve."

You enjoyed the warmth of his body against yours. You can't help but think of how he was right and your jacket was definitely not enough. You giggle a little.

"What's that?" He asks, smiling.

"You're right, it's too cold." You sniff, feeling the cold reach every part of you.

He separates and undo the zipper of his sweater, hands on each side opening the sweater for you to hug him and get more warm.

"Now that's better." You say, kissing his collarbone, making him smile against your hair.

🪷🪷🪷

"Last christmas I have you my ass, but the very next day you fuck my best friend, this year I'm fucking you dad and I'm also fucking your cousin."

You laugh at Fer singing Cardi's remix of the Christmas song. He was helping you with baking christmas cookies over FaceTime.

Pedro and you have made amazing progress, he was proving himself day by day.

"To think that a year ago today you guys were at the top of a cliff at the park solving your issues." He jokes, making Pedro give him the finger while laughing.

"Good thing your bother knows how to redeem himself." You second Fernando's joke.

"Joer, hablan de mi como si yo no existiera y estoy aquí parado, no me imagino cuando no los pueda escuchar." He laughs, making you smile and shake tou head at him. (You guys talk about me as if I'm not standing right here, I can't imagine what you say when I'm not present)

"only good things, mi amor." You kiss his cheek.

"Bueno, yo los dejo, I have to help mom with some things at la Tasca." (Well, I'm out) he waves you goodbye and cut the FaceTime.

Pedri has added to their story

Yourusername has added to their story

You two spend the rest of the day decorating and eating the cookies. Making Pedri break his diet, but he was okay with that.

"Oye, ven pa'qui." (Hey, come here) he calls you.

you walk over to him, he's sitting on the couch. A elf hat on his head. You can't help but smile at his cuteness.

"Yes sir?" You ask.

He possess his hands on your waist, pulling you towards him and making you fall on his lap. "Do you like how the house is looking."

"Very much, I love our home." You say, hugging him. "And I love you."

He smiles at you, looking around. He can't help but feel proud of himself. He proved you that he was worth a second chance. That he was your person and that he loved you more than anything.

He was happy you were happy with him. And that was something he knew he couldn't lose. Not you, not your love and not your future together.

"I love you more."

✨️✨️✨️

🏷: @gulphulp @jack1n @girlidekanymore @gadriezmannsgirl since you asked for part 2 🤭✨️

#football fanfic #football angst #football x you #pedri #pedri x reader #pedri x you #pedri x y/n #pedri x gavi #football drabble #pedri angst #football smut #football #pedri gonzalez #football imagine #pedri gonzalez imagine #pedri imagine #pedri headcanon #pedri barça #pedri smut #pedri fluff #pedri drabble #football fluff #football fiction #pablo gavi x reader

[lilys0evil0twin]

Yandere Adam nsfw headcanons ( Record of Ragnarok )

Uuuuuuhhhhhh get ready for a ride, I put both sfw and nsfw since I came up with the whole story and needed it written 😂

SFW

Adam is an interesting yandere

Despite having a beautiful woman and two sons, whom he's very found of, Adam felt ... Bored? Trapped? Tired of the same thing? ... Uncomplete?

But what could be the reason, he has everything he ever wanted, he has peace, a loving family, save home.... Total Paradise

And yet it was not enough

After their banishment from the Paradise, the first humans explored the earth, their new home, except they weren't alone

After seeing you for the first time, Adam knew you all should stick together, call it an animal instinct, a hunch if you will, but Adam's urgue rooted from something else

His sons Abel and Cain were enthusiastic about you joining too, a lil more than Eve but she was happy for her husband nonetheless

You on the other hand had this feeling of uneasiness, sure you'd accepted the offer right away, it better to be together than alone, and despite you felt more save with them, there was still this little cricket chirping in your ear

You fell into the family relatively quickly, Abel and Cain saw you as another parent those two pranksters loved your hugs and kisses

Eve, being the kindhearted girl she is, accepted you surprisingly quickly, she admired how her sons loved you and you handled them with ease, she loves talking to you when out gathering fruits, flowers and herbs

And then there's Adam, he kept his distance, straining away from physical touch (such as hugs, cuddles or sleeping on each other to maintain warmth) yet he kept you safe, fed and happy

Never saying it out loud, but he hated how his sons loved you, how comfortable they were around you, how comfortable you were with them touching you

He taught them not to take what's not theirs

So one time he just decided it's enough and told his sons off, he taught them about hierarchy of this family

NSFW

When the time comes, Adam feels this tingling in his abdomen

He's even more distant and keeps to himself, but acts more predator like

Staring unblinkingly from across the field, like he wants to hunt you, like you're his pray

Remember how he taught Abel and Cain a lesson? well now they're not allowed to even exist near you or him

Adams mood really determines his actions, he may be cold and feral or warms and soft

Either it is the time to fuck is when he says it's time to fuck, doesn't really care if you or him are doing something or if you don't want to, doesn't really care where you are or if you're alone

One second you may be climbing up the tree for sweet apple and the next he's pounding into you, or you may be looking over Abel and Cain with Eve and then you're held down with Adam between your legs keeping your ankles on his shoulders

Most of the times, it's right after the thought strucks his mind, and wearing only leafs or plants for coverage it's just an easy access

As said before, his mood palys the main cards in his actions

If he's calm and happy, just a little horny, he'll enjoy his time with you and will make sure you do too

Vice versa when he's not in the best mood or god forbid if he's angry over his sons and whatnot, this reflects on his behavior

Not that he's verbal or shows his anger nor directs it to you, no rather fucks you till you pass out, moving faster harder and cares very little about your sweet sports

Either of these sessions never end after one round, no no Adam is going till his balls are empty, until he can't cum anymore

Adam never lets any of his precious seed get wasted, whatever position you're in, his cum ends up inside, doesn't matter where, but it needs to stay inside

That is why he's doing it, that's how he understands ejaculation in general, why would his body excerete something when it's not supposed to stay in the other?

Eve learned to accept you as another partner of her husband and if Adam alows it she'll be happy to join~

#record of ragnarok smut #record of ragnarok #record of ragnarok x reader #ror x reader #ror adam #shuumatsu no valkyrie #snv x reader #snv adam #yandere #yandere smut #yandere boy #x reader smut

[shayyprasad]

stargazing and pretty boys | peter parker

synopsis: you see peter stargazing at a park, and find yourself joining him.

tw: none. just fluff! (well, maybe, like, pining?)

for the sake of the plot... pollution doesn't exist. :)

word count: 1.3k+ words.

struggling to make my fics more aesthetic.

out of the corner of your eye, you could see your classmate, barely a friend, peter parker. (that didn't change the fact you were hopelessly in love with him.)

you didn't know much about him, aside from the fact that he interned for tony stark and was basically a genius. he was laying on a field at night, in the park you just so happened to be at.

why were you in a park at 12:36pm?

probably for the same reason he was. you couldn't sleep. there was nothing to it really, just a lot going on. you needed to clear your head.

but then again, maybe it was a good thing to be in someone else's company, being left with your own thoughts was always a slipperly slope. maybe this was a chance to make a new friend, too.

at first, you were hesitant. yes, peter was insanely cute and you'd love to talk to him. but what if he, unlike you currently, did want to be alone?

who were you to intrude on that?

you glanced back at him, watching him gaze at the stars. peter's hands were tucked behind his head, a soft smile adourning his face.

he seemed so at peace, and you yearned for that, too. and more importantly, you yearned to be beside him, tucked away into his hold.

peter parker was a busy boy, from what you knew. he was always rushing from place to place, always had something to do. this seemed... so odd. watching him lay there, not carelessly, but idly.

it felt out of character for him, almost.

peter had drawn you in, leaving you so intrigued. he was mysterious, and not in an jedi master yoda way, but just in general.

he was quiet and kept to himself, you saw him hang around with ned, and sometimes talked to mj (who always sent you into a bi panic).

peter wasn't... popular, to say the least. but his actions spoke louder than his words. you were always watching him, not in a creepy way, definitely in a creepy way, and taking note.

whether it was lending someone, even if it wasn't his friends, notes and studyguides, or checking up on people.

you absolutely knew there was something special about him. he was different, you could tell.

you couldn't help it when you thought; pretty boy.

finally, you decided to do it. walk right up to him. after all, what did you have to lose?

you plopped down right next to him, "hi."

he looked over at you, not startled or fazed, but simply smiling, "y/n. hi."

"you know my name?"

"'course. we have math and science together. and history."

"oh. yeah." how did you get so awkward so fast?

"you- do you know mine?"

"yes! i- yeah. i mean, yeah, i do. it's peter. peter benjamin parker," you blurted, face flushing.

he laughed, and you decided it was your new favorite sound.

so pretty. just like him.

"sorry," you said, "i get a little nervous around you," you'd said it like it wasn't a big deal, but you really hadn't meant to say that at all.

"me? why?"

shrugging. you wished you hadn't said anything at all. "i don't know. you're just-"

"big, burly, and intimidating?" he joked.

"yep. that's why."

peter laughed, and this time you joined in.

pretty boy.

it was quiet for a while, and you were perfectly content with that. it wasn't an awkward silence or anything of the sort... but you wanted to hear his voice.

you needed to.

how infatuated were you with this boy? very.

"do you come here often?" you asked quietly.

"sometimes. when i need to clear my mind. or if i'm, i dunno, bored? it's pretty."

"yeah," but you weren't looking at the sky.

"what about you?"

"uh, same thing. lot going on, i guess."

"tell me about it," he chuckled, before gently asking, "do you wanna talk about it? you don't have to, of course, i'm just... i'm here if you want someone."

want someone? i do want someone. i want you. but not in the way you're thinking.

"no," you said instead. you didn't want to ruin the mood, it was nice as it was. "same goes for you though."

peter's smile faltered slightly, "i can't," he murmured.

"what's that?"

"nothing. it's- it's not anything."

"okay," you didn't press it. if he didn't want to talk, you wouldn't force him.

"did you know stars can exist in binary systems?" peter asked suddenly.

"no, but now i do," you smiled, wanting to hear more.

"they produce energy through nuclear fusion."

"oh?"

"less metallic stars may actually have planets with a higher percentage of carbon and water. this is because there would have been higher ratios of carbon to iron or oxygen to iron in their preplanetary nebulae even though these elements would all have been a smaller percentage to hydrogen and heliium."

he'd lost you there, but you urged him to go on anyways.

"active galaxies often pump out 100 times more light than a normal galaxy. with the discovery in 1963 of quasars, it was clear that the light comes not from stars but from a central region smaller than the solar system."

"what are quasars?"

"quasars are a subclass of active galactic nuclei, extremely luminous galactic cores where gas and dust falling into a supermassive black hole emit electromagnetic radiation across the entire electromagnetic spectrum."

"...right."

he laughed, bemused. and then it went quiet again. "...pete?" you asked, trying out a new nickname.

"hmm?"

"you pique my interest," you blurted it out, and immediately hated the way it was worded. "i mean... not just the quasars and whatnot. i feel like there's so much more to you. you're honest. i like that the best about you. you're not talkative, but you don't need to be. you aren't afraid to speak your mind, and it's never controlling... just alluring."

you hadn't been thinking, just speaking your mind. it was weird, being around peter. it was easy. it felt easy. he was easy. you could let loose around him, and maybe that's why you were so drawn to peter.

but you might've just said too much.

after a moment, "really? you think?"

you scooted closer to him, feeling a little colder. laying down beside him, you inhaled his pinewood scented, tinged with slight sweat.

"well... yeah."

"thank you." he turned to face you. "my favorite thing about you is your passion."

"passion?" you snorted. "please."

"you're invested, but i don't think you see yourself like that. you don't give yourself the credit you deserve. remember the annual state writing competition?"

you nodded, smiling as you recalled that memory. you'd won first place, and you had no idea how.

"i remember when you were talking to liz about it, right before you turned it in. you said that it wasn't great, but you tried to... you said that you tried to make it 'you'," peter chuckled. "you totally dissed your own paper!

"and then i remember seeing it pinned up in the award's case. i read it... and damn. it was so good. i remember thinking, 'jeez, if this is her idea of sucky, then what's her idea of good?' you certainly have a way with words, y/n. you're talented, but it's not just that. you're hard-working."

you turned over on your side to meet his gaze, your hand brushing his as you laid together on the grass.

"wow, parker. i have a way with words? recite something like that to a girl you like, and watch, she'll be down so bad." you weren't lying, not exactly. you had already fallen for him, now you were falling harder.

"i did recite it to a girl i like. just now."

you sucked in a breath, mirroring his expression, grinning from ear to ear.

"pretty boy," you whispered, so softly, you didn't think he heard it. but what would you know?

what you did know was that stargazing was your new favorite thing to do.

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #peter parker #spiderman #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #fluff #angst #check out my blog #my writing #for you

[split-spectrum]

Water and Rock

Pairings: Obi Wan/FemReader

Warnings/Tags: (more to come) explicit content, smut, drug use, dubcon

Chapter Wordcount: 5K

Description: There are only so many excuses a master and padawan can make to kiss under "extenuating circumstances" before circumstances stop arising and start being created. You are an expert at your craft - a Jedi knight in service as a spy for the Republic. When your former master Obi Wan joins you on a mission, it's clear things aren't the same as they once were. The trials you face together may break your bond, or turn it into something else entirely.

Chapter 3

☆☆☆

You lie there, staring up at the white ceiling of the pod, counting the minutes until this is over. You think you've reached twenty when Obi Wan shifts beside you, brushing your arm, and your thoughts are interrupted.

You've shared close quarters before; this shouldn't be new to you. But everything feels new after what you felt back in the ceremonial chamber. Nothing is the same now that you know what his mouth feels like against yours.

"I think we're safe at last," he says quietly beside you. "They've gone."

You nod. You can feel it, as well. The Torthix have finally filed off into their separate areas, presumably to complete the rest of their act. You're alone in the quiet, dark woods.

"What do you think they'll do when they come back?"

Obi Wan turns to face you, and part of you wishes he wouldn't. Not when you're in freshly washed sheets, finally comfortable for the first time in days, and his hair is messy, and his eyes are soft. "I don't think we need to worry. They seem unfamiliar with human anatomy. I'm certain we can come up with a story for them."

You sigh, nodding. You look over at him briefly, then turn your eyes back to the ceiling of your little enclosure. "At least it's comfortable. Maybe we can get some rest."

He pushes his head back into the bedding, closing his eyes. "I wouldn't mind that."

You smile at the way his voice immediately becomes lower, as if the instant you remind him that sleep exists, his tiredness catches up with him.

"Sleep. I'll wake you when they come back."

He drifts off, but they come back more quickly than you'd anticipated, and within a few minutes you reluctantly shake his shoulder, pulling him back to consciousness with an urgent whisper.

"They're outside."

He blinks heavily and takes a deep inhale, then snaps to attention when he seems to remember where he is. You both lie in wait, wondering why they aren't knocking or trying to enter. After a few more moments, they depart, leaving you alone again. You turn and face Obi Wan, the same quizzical look on his face as you have on yours.

"Do you think they're... waiting? For us to...?"

"Perhaps they were just walking past," he answers. You recognize the tone of voice he uses when he's trying to be reassuring despite all evidence against him.

Your quiet breathing fills the silence again. After a long time, you speak.

"When they ask us, what should we say?"

He doesn't look at you. "That we fulfilled their request."

"And if they ask for more than that?"

"We will tell them whatever it is they want to hear."

"What if words aren't enough?"

"They will be."

"We should have a plan if-"

"That is the plan, young one."

There's an edge to his voice that tells you he would like the conversation to go no further.

You swallow, heat rising in your face. You're torn between the embarrassment of the subject matter and the indignance that rises in you when he calls you that. You may have been his padawan once, but those days have long passed.

"General." You pause to get his attention. "I realize the situation is less than ideal, but speaking as an expert in the field of deception, it's unwise to approach this unprepared."

His eyelashes flutter closed and you can sense his frustration, perhaps at the situation, perhaps at himself. "You're right, of course. Please, if you have any thoughts, share them."

You're caught off guard, not expecting his response. You have to think for a moment. "Well, for a start we should at least remove our outer clothing."

Obi Wan sits up, silently complying with your request. He removes his belt and boots, and shrugs out of his outer robes, leaving only his undershirt. You follow his example, lying back down when you've disrobed. You remain steady and poised. Whatever is needed to complete a mission, it will be done. In this case, your mission is to get off this moon, and you mean to keep your focus on that goal.

You look to the side, unable to meet his eyes anymore. "And... if they ask for details, we need to be comfortable enough sharing them. They might suspect something if we don't want to answer questions."

"We can simply tell them it's the nature of our people to keep these things private."

You frown a little. You don't want to argue his point, but you've worked enough undercover assignments to know that a backup plan is always necessary. In your line of work, making up the details as you go can end a mission swiftly in failure.

"I think it would be best if we discussed it, at least."

He doesn't answer right away, and you notice his body shift slightly away from yours. "Of course."

You nod slowly. "So, if we're asked to describe it for them, how should we respond?"

You can hear his breathing quicken. "We'll tell them that you are considered female, and I am considered male. We joined our bodies in a way that created pleasure."

You give him a soft smile with a raised eyebrow, not saying anything in return, waiting for him to fill the silence.

He sighs, eyes closed. When he opens them, he looks at you, and his gaze is penetrating. "If they ask for more than that, I will say whatever is needed to get us out of here. I'll tell them every touch... everything I did to you. I promise."

You hold his gaze, unable to pull your eyes away. You note his choice of words - what he did to you. It sounded almost non-consensual. In a way, it would be. But for some reason, it bothers you to imagine him thinking of it that way. You need him to know that you're in this together and not just his willing victim, but you're unsure how to express it.

"I... have another suggestion."

He watches you expectantly but doesn't respond.

"You could... give me a mark somewhere. If you were comfortable with it."

You're pushing outside of acceptable boundaries and you know it. But you also know now isn't the time to be reserved. He's quiet for so long that you start to wonder if he even heard you. Then he finally speaks.

"Comfortable isn't quite the word I would use."

"It was just an idea," you backpedal quickly. "Not absolutely necessary."

His eyes haven't left yours. "I didn't say no, Commander. This is not my area of expertise. It's yours."

Your breath catches. "It's... something I've done in the past that proved convincing enough."

An emotion resembling surprise passes over his features. "If you've done it before, then perhaps you should show me what you have in mind."

He moves closer, pulling the bedding to the side, and suddenly you can hear your heart pounding in your ears. You look away for a moment and reach out into the force. This is not new for you. You have to disguise emotions, hide feelings, and simulate attractions all the time.

Just... not when you're looking into the eyes of the man who guided you for years and taught you to become what you are. Not when he's looking back at you, nervously running his hand through his hair to fix it back into place.

You ground yourself in the force, anchoring your consciousness to the gentle ebb and flow of the universe, letting the familiar vibrations steady your mind and pull you back from the emotions you're fighting. The rush of blood in your ears quiets. You can do this.

"I'll... use my mouth on your neck. Is that okay?"

He gives you a solemn nod, looking into your eyes. He's not smiling, but his eyes still hold the glimmer that never seems to leave him. "I'll follow your lead."

You carefully lean into him, pressing him back into the bedding, and he turns his head slightly to the side, giving you access. Since you've been traveling for days, he's not as meticulously groomed as he usually is, and beard trails down into stubble along the length of his neck.

As you lower your mouth, the smell of him goes straight to your head. It fills your chest with warmth, grounding you and intoxicating you at the same time. Your lips meet his skin and he shifts below you, a soft breath leaving him. At the sound of the small exhale, you know you've lost the battle to stay impassive. His reaction was nearly undetectable, but it sends fire through your veins nonetheless.

You kiss the soft expanse of skin he's exposed for you gently at first, still giving him a chance to stop you or push you away, but he doesn't. He leans his head away, giving you more space. You close your eyes and flatten your tongue against the tendons in his neck, starting to suck and kiss more urgently. Somewhere in the back of your mind is a voice reminding you that this isn't about pleasure and using your tongue against him wasn't part of the deal, but the taste is exquisite and it's impossible to hear the voice anymore when he lets out a soft sigh.

The sigh turns deeper when you pull down the collar of his shirt and let your mouth drop lower. You know you should stop yourself, but with each inch he gives you, you're growing more bold. You keep expecting him to tell you to stop, to scold you for taking it too far, but instead you just feel his body tensing beneath you, wordlessly allowing it. Responding to it.

The sensation makes your head swim.

You press your mouth hard against him, then graze your teeth against the sensitive patch of skin. He takes in a sharp breath, and you lathe your tongue over the damage you've caused, sucking and kissing until you know you'll start to lose yourself if you go on any longer, finally pulling back to inspect your work. Your breath is shaky, although you're using full concentration on not letting it show.

His chest is rising and falling a little faster than it had been, and when you break away his mouth falls open, jaw going slack for just an instant before he snaps it back into place with a quick swallow. Your eyes are fixated on the mark you've left. His perfect skin, faintly bronzed from his time in the suns of countless planets, now dark and purple. You did that to him. He let you.

His presence in the force is even, quiet, demure. You know he can feel the turbulence within your presence, but you're doing your best to make it less obvious. You focus on his aura, trying to match its tranquility, but you're having difficulty. You realize then that it's very quiet. Fainter even than it is when he sleeps.

Is he... suppressing his presence?

The muscles in his neck tense as he rolls to one side, then sits up on his elbows to look at you. You expect him to say something - a joke; one of the smart little remarks he's so fond of making, but... nothing. He just rolls his body over yours, his arm gently hooking around you. Your shoulders comply with his request and you lie back, his eyes never leaving yours.

He leans down, bringing his mouth to yours and leaving it there, only the merest of separation between you. His eyes trace over your face. One little move is all it would take... A tiny adjustment of your chin and you would brush your lips against his. Your pulse is racing. You know that you should be saying something at this point, questioning what he's doing, or stopping him, but your mind is numb.

He leans forward, past your lips, to your ear. Your eyes close, nerves buzzing through every inch of you. He pulls in a breath as if he's about to speak, or perhaps as if he's about to lower his mouth further to your neck. His beard grazes your cheek and it's difficult to keep yourself from shuddering. Just when you can feel his mouth open, a knock comes at the outside of the pod, echoing through the base of the tree.

You're flooded equally with frustration and relief. Obi Wan's head snaps up and he quickly pulls himself from you, while you scramble to reach your clothing, until you remember the entire point is to look as if you've been caught without them on.

You sit up, pulling the bedding over yourself and giving Obi Wan a nervous glance before opening the hinges of the pod door. Outside stands a lone Torthix - the leader.

He wastes no time. "Gather your things, Jedi, and follow."

You trade another glance, but you do as he says. Quickly pulling on your clothing and grabbing your pack, you follow him as he guides you silently through the woods. You pass several other tree pods as you walk, some empty, some... not. You try not to think about what must be happening all around you.

You try to calm your nerves and return your heartrate to normal as you walk, pretending to be as unfazed as you are working any other job, any other mission. When you finally come out of the more populated area and find yourselves deeper into the forest, with the lights of civilization far behind you, the Torthix leader speaks again.

"Ahead you will find the bridge of Conscia." He fixes his piercing black eyes on you. "You have proven that you mean us no harm, and you will be allowed to go in peace. I hope you will not think too harshly of our people. This is a sacred time for us, but it is also a time of aggression and upheaval. It is my duty to guide my people through this ceremony each season without death and conflict."

Obi Wan bows his head graciously. "You have proven yourself a wise and capable leader. We are in your debt."

"I must carry on our traditions and show due suspicion of outsiders in order to placate some in our society. You have shown me that you are not a threat. However, there are those who would not agree with me. For this reason, you must leave before the ceremony can end."

"We will take your advice," you tell him, nodding. "Thank you."

The leader turns and leaves, and you are left with one another, alone in the dim light of the forest. As the alien figure disappears into the distance, you turn back to Obi Wan. He's staring straight forward, down the path ahead.

"We should get going."

He starts walking quickly, hardly giving you a chance to catch up. As the woods darken around you the further you get away from the Torthix, you ignite your lightsaber as a means of navigating the path. The green glow washes over Obi Wan, the shadows in his face deepening.

"I never would have expected that."

"Hm?" he glances over distractedly. "What do you mean?"

"He seemed so dedicated to the customs and traditions, and it was all an act to keep power. Or to keep their society intact. Both, I suppose. Anyway, it worked to our advantage, which is all that matters."

"Right. Yes."

You give a moment's pause, walking in silence, then look over at him again. "At least we didn't have to prove anything to anyone."

He doesn't answer. His eyes face forward, and he keeps walking.

"Master, are you-"

"I'm going to go on ahead."

He doesn't give you a chance to say anything back, putting a few feet of distance between you, and leaving you to slow down behind him, stunned. Your eyes follow him as he ignites his saber and keeps striding forward, his steps rigid and his pace steadily quickening.

You want to call after him, but his tone was so curt that it didn't leave much room for misinterpretation - he doesn't want to speak to you. You pick up your pace once more, following at a good distance.

You think back, retracing your mental steps. Had you done something wrong? At the time, it seemed that you were on even footing. Images of his expression flicker through your mind. His closed eyes, his soft breaths... had he been hating every second you'd been touching him? You suddenly feel ill. You had known it wasn't his first choice to approach the situation but... with his reaction to the kiss you'd shared, you'd thought you were both consenting to the madness together.

As he continues on ahead, you take a deep breath, trying to get centered. One way or another, the mission will end, and then you can worry about whether you did the right thing, and whether your former master will ever speak to you to same way again. For now, all that matters is keeping your focus and getting home.

You can see the beginning of the massive bridge in the distance, illuminated by Obi Wan's lightsaber ahead of you on the trail. He's slowing down, waiting for you. When you close the gap, he takes the first step onto the bridge, and nearly takes a blaster shot to the head.

You spin around, searching the darkness. You sense large numbers, but you don't yet see them. All at once, the night lights up with blaster bolts, coming from every angle. You deflect and dodge, angling the shots back into the trees and backing away, toward the bridge.

"Which way?" you shout.

Obi Wan looks toward the bridge and you know he's having the same thoughts as you are, wondering if it's best to expose yourselves as easy targets on the bridge or stay here and keep fighting an unknown number of assailants. He starts down the bridge.

"The only way," he answers, slicing the air with ferocity and precision as he backs away. His saber comes down inches from your face as he deflects a bolt that would have ended you.

You nod in thanks and keep running, protecting yourself as best you can. As you scramble across the bridge, your enemies reveal themselves at last. More Torthix. Evidently the leader had been telling the truth about some members of the village being less than thrilled with your release.

"Stop!" you tell them. "Your leader has given us permission to leave!"

"It was a poor decision," one of the attackers snarls back as he keeps blasting. "We are here to correct it."

"So much for diplomacy," you mumble, deflecting yet another barrage.

You race down the bridge, making it halfway before a blaster bolt catches Obi Wan's leg, searing through his clothing and sending him stumbling to the ground.

You shout after him, trying to keep your concentration on repelling the onslaught, but unable to keep yourself from glancing down at him. Once the initial impact wears off, he leaps back to his feet and continues fighting. You can feel him drawing strength from the force. A lot of strength, which indicates to you that he's badly hurt. You grit your teeth and keep backing down the bridge, a bit more slowly behind Obi Wan's stuttering pace.

When you reach the other side at last, you break out into a run, trying to put some distance between yourselves and the Torthix. As soon as you start to run, your legs are suddenly knocked out from beneath you. A bola with heavy anchors had been thrown from the pitch blackness that surrounded you and wrapped tightly around your ankles. Another one is thrown at your hands, but it misses. A third misses as well, but the metal weight knocks the lightsaber from your hand. You quickly drag yourself toward it across the ground, when a torthix steps in front of you, directing his blaster at your head point blank.

Obi Wan drops his saber to his side, still dodging blasterfire but making no other attempts to fight. "Stop!"

The instant of hesitation in the torthix gives him a moment to continue. "We mean you no harm. Please. Do not shoot. Take us as prisoners."

The second group of thorthix has caught up to you and stopped firing, momentarily confused by the display. You're panting at the ground, unable to stand up for fear of disrupting whatever effect he's having on them.

"We will go with you willingly."

One of the torthix makes a guttural sound that must be a laugh. "What would we do with you?"

Obi Wan's face is tight, probably in no small part due to the pain he's in, but also in hesitation. "We... would serve you however you see fit."

The same torthix steps closer to him, then stretches out a hand and grabs the back of his hair. The gesture doesn’t appear to be intended to hurt him, just vaguely disdainful. The torthix inspects him for a moment and Obi Wan's shoulders go back, his gaze impassive. Then he swiftly punches him in the stomach, and Obi Wan's knees buckle, his one good leg barely holding him up.

Your blood is thrumming in your ears, your vision narrowing. You watch as the torthix releases his hair and allows his shoulders to slump forward in pain.

"The only service you can give is your death. Your attempts to deceive are over."

The torthix raises his blaster and you feel your heart sink into your stomach, adrenaline shooting through you, and all at once you can only hear a high pitched tone in your head, the edges of your vision blurring.

The force draws your lightsaber back into your hand in a split second, and the next instant, you're slicing through the blaster aimed at your head, then the one at Obi Wan. You cut the bonds away from your feet just as the rest of the torthix start to react, lighting up the forest with blaster fire once more.

But this time, you don't just deflect it harmlessly into the trees. You angle your saber to send the deadly shots directly back at your attackers, and they start to drop, one by one. You swing your blade, cutting and stabbing until half of the torthix have fallen, and as you direct a blaster bolt into one of their hands, knocking yet another weapon to the ground, you flick your wrist to bring your saber in a smooth motion toward the creature's head.

"Commander!"

Obi Wan's sharp voice interrupts your thoughts, and your actions. You hesitate, your blade inches from the thorthix's throat. You pull back, stepping away. Obi Wan locks eyes with you, then turns to run, and you follow. A weak shower of blaster fire continues behind you and you easily deflect the remaining attempts, until they stop following, probably to attend to their dead.

You run. You keep running until the forest is quiet again, and you run still. At long last, Obi Wan stumbles and slows down. You can feel him extrictating himself from the force to ground himself in his surroundings, and as he does so, the pain on his face increases.

"Are you-"

Before you can finish your question, he cuts you off. "That was not acceptable, Commander."

He turns fully toward you, and you both stop walking. His voice is even and calm, but the way he's looking at you makes you feel like a padawan being scolded.

"A jedi does not kill unless there is no other choice. You know this."

You blink at him, heat rising in your face. "I know, Master. But they would have killed you. What other choice was there?"

"We may have found another path, but that is beside the point. You had already disarmed them. There was no need to kill."

You lower your gaze. "I... I just wanted to make sure we made it out alive. They were attacking us. It's not as if they were innocent."

"And because of their ignorance, they deserved to die?"

You open your mouth to speak but he raises a hand to gesture for you to stop.

"This is not the way we handle things. We can not sink to the level of our enemies simply because it is easier."

You hesitate, then nod. "I know. I know my actions were wrong. I... know." You carefully avoid saying you're sorry.

He turns his gaze away from you, then brings it back up. His eyebrows are furrowed, his features stern. "You have disappointed me today. Do not disappoint yourself by failing to learn from this moment."

His words cut you to your core, and your throat tightens. "I'm... I'm sorry."

He sighs, and his face softens. He places a gentle hand on your shoulder. "You have learned something about yourself. You should concentrate on that lesson during your next meditation. It is not easy to accept that we are all capable of great darkness, but we must face it."

You nod again slowly, the fact that he's standing on a leg that must be killing him with pain while he tries to bring you comfort isn't lost on you. "I will not fail again."

He gives you a nod in return and you slowly start down the path again, physically and mentally exhausted, but alive.

You walk for a long time in silence, turning your mind back to the mission at hand and wondering how you can possibly spend another two days climbing back up the mountain. It was hard enough the first time and now, with Obi Wan's injury, it may be nearly impossible. You're heading back in the direction of your ship to start the journey over, and as the morning light starts to fill the canopy above you, you don't feel any sense of hope.

When enough time has passed for you to feel comfortable speaking again, you turn your gaze downward.

"Your leg... is it...?" you venture, not wanting to ask if it's alright when you know that it isn't.

Obi Wan grits his teeth and you instantly regret bringing it up. "It's...not good. But I can manage."

You look down and in the growing light you can now see the hole torn in his clothing. It looks like the blast went directly through the side of his thigh. He's limping badly, which makes your stomach drop. He's not in the habit of showing his pain externally.

"When we make it back to the ship, we'll have medical supplies and food, at least."

He doesn't answer right away, taking a few labored paces. He seems to be struggling to speak. "Yes. That's good."

You walk on in silence, not wanting to pester him further. You can only hope you're getting close to the ship.

A few moments later, your hopes are fulfilled, and then surpassed. You emerge from the trees at the top of a hill, and at the base of the hill you catch sight of your ship, as well as another ship parked beside it - a ship you recognize well.

Your chest fills with overwhelming relief and it's all you can do not to sprint toward it, coming down the hill as fast as you can without leaving Obi Wan behind.

As you get closer, you see a familiar figure walking out of the ship's cargo bay, and you can't help it anymore. You start to run.

"Storne!" you shout, and his head snaps toward you. A wide smile breaks out over his face.

He calls your name in return and you race forward. He catches you in a hug. It's unbecoming of a jedi, but in this moment you're beyond caring. All you can feel is relief.

"What are you doing here?"

Storne's arms surround you for a moment before you step away. "Following your transponder. When you stopped responding to messages, I thought something might be wrong. Guess I was right."

Obi Wan reaches the two of you, and you turn to him, Storne's hand wrapping around your waist briefly before you extrictate yourself. "General, this is Storne, one of my contacts on Oba Diah."

Obi Wan smiles and reaches out to shake his hand. "A pleasure."

"Good to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

"Yes, well, don't believe everything you hear on the holonet."

Storne shakes his head. "Not from the holonet. From this one."

He gestures over to you and you smile. "We've been friends a long time. We knew each other back on Coruscant, before I even became a padawan."

Obi Wan tries to say something back, but a flash of pain twinges across his face. You step forward, turning back to Storne. "Please tell me you still have a bacta tank."

"Yeah," Storne says. "I've added a couple more, too. Come on."

You follow him inside the spacious ship and enter the med bay. He powers on the equipment, the tanks towering over you. There are several of them up against the wall.

"Take as long as you need in here. I'll get us back to planet surface and we can talk then."

You thank him as he leaves and step behind the back of the tank to disrobe. You step out from behind the tank with only your tattered robe clasped around you, and look up to see Obi Wan is already sinking into the water of his tank, relief covering his features. You can only see him from the chest up, the rest of his body submerged. He looks down at you briefly, then turns his gaze to the other side of the room, giving you privacy to drop your clothing and slip into the water. You slide into the tank, holding onto the sides, and immediately your aches and pains begin to subside.

After several long minutes of allowing yourself to succumb to the relief of the soothing water, you pull yourself up a bit to check on Obi Wan. He hasn't sunk below the surface yet, and he hasn't attached his electrodes. He's just floating. You wonder if his exhaustion finally got the better of him and he's fallen asleep before he could even set up his tank properly.

"Master..." you say softly, choosing intentionally this time to use the honorific. "I... really am sorry. For... everything."

You don't even know what you mean, precisely. You are sorry you took lives, but that is something you've learned to live with throughout the course of the war, for better or worse. It's more than that. You want to set things right between you and return to some semblance of normalcy. You don't want to live with the knowledge that things between you after this mission might never be as simple as they once were.

Obi Wan responds without opening his eyes, his shoulders leaning against the side of his tank. "It's not my forgiveness you need. You must seek forgiveness from yourself. Only then can you move forward."

You bow your head even though he can't see the gesture, knowing there's nothing you can or should reply. Knowing he's right, as always.

Then he opens his eyes and looks at you with a softened gaze. "However... while you may not need my forgiveness, you have it."

You smile back at him, keeping your expression reserved despite the warm glow that fills you. He returns your smile, and afterward you finally let yourself sink beneath the water, feeling at peace for the first time in days.

--

Masterlist // Next Chapter >>

#obi wan x reader #obi wan kenobi #star wars #star wars fanfiction #obiwan #obi wan fanfiction

[cebwrites]

Helloooooo Cev! Hope you're having a wonderful day because my day became wonderful after reading your request for Mihawk & Crocodile! Unfortunately, the simp in me is always craving for me 🥺 May I request one for Mihawk, Crocodile, Smoker and Shanks (you don't have to do all of them if you don't wish to!!) please?

Prompt: The reader has hanahaki disease but still refuses to confess because they're scared to lose what they already have with said character, even if it's just platonic. You can decide the readers fate for Crocodile, Smoke and Shanks - I don't mind angst. But if you do, do Mihawk 🥺 May I ask for a happy ending for h because my soul would not be able to take it HAHA

Omg, sorry that was soo long! Thank you for reading it thus far! And thank you for writing these requests!!!

hi i'll have you know that i'm liquifying this ask and injecting it into my veins JASDFHGRSDGH CITRUS OMGGG 😭💖 dilf time baybee lets gooooo ✨✨✨ (no i’m not sorry for the pun in mihawk’s first point <33)

Hanahaki HCs (Smoker, Mihawk)

gn reader, angst, hurt/comfort word count: 0.9k

Smoker

He’s frustrated, first and foremost

Frustrated that you didn’t have the trust in him to be forth right with this, frustrated that you let it get to this state, but more importantly frustrated with himself for not noticing

Smoker’s a busy man, between fielding his superiors’ scrutiny, making sure his pack of bumbling G5 idiots (affectionate) stay alive while also whipping them into shape with Tashigi at his side, he doesn’t have much time to focus on the fine print

He wasn’t even aware such a disease existed before he’d caught wind that you collapsed at another base he was stationed away from because this ailment had weakened you so

Some plucky foot new recruit from HQ had to explain, in detail, to this fuming (quite literally) vice-admiral that no, Hanahaki wasn’t a poison, or some attack, but rather.... a matter of the heart

Smoker left that conversation more confused than when he entered it - said recruit themself weak kneed and near tears - but Tashigi managed to clear it up for him in his office later on

The next time he sees you, there’s an air of concern around him but you wouldn’t be able to discern it from the way he addresses you - curt, formal, like everybody else - when he has a moment with you alone, however, Smoker takes it upon himself in all his wisdom to tell you that it would be in your best interest to get the flowers removed 

You’re taken aback, speechless at how callous he could be as Smoker talks about how the jobs you share are difficult on the individual, even more so for potential loved ones, so all things considered, being that this plant was clearly hurting you, then--

He didn’t get to finish before you left his office in a huff, fighting back tears and the itch in your throat as you weave past both subordinates and superiors alike, determined to keep this all to yourself at least until your own quarters or the nearest bathroom where you could hurl

You’re not surprised when he doesn’t follow you, if not a little hurt, but after today you actually are considering his suggestion

Mihawk

He’s more perceptive than most - Mihawk is an observant man by default, but when it comes to those close to him, he’s especially... Hawk-eyed 

Which is why you start avoiding him

It’s very gradual at first, not being as physical with him aside from sparring, giving him a wider berth when the two of you are in the kitchen together, but eventually it spills into things like making excuses for not being able to come over and such, actually affecting your time spent with him

Mihawk doesn’t want to intrude at first, he has clear boundaries set in place that no one is to cross so he’d treat you with the same respect

He is a little disappointed, though, when your visits to his home lessen, if not a little worried - he sees the petals following your very presence but doesn’t bring it up

It’s when the twinge of iron hits his nose, however, far way from the battlefield, that he knows something is awfully out of place

Again, Mihawk doesn’t want to push too hard, but he insists on having dinner with you, citing your frequent absences, and telling you not to fret because he’ll simply come to you, ingredients for a fantastic dinner in clutch

It’s easy to hide the tell-tale signs when you’re going over to his place, but an impromptu visit with little time to prepare (raze your home of all evidence) just isn’t fair

It’s business usual when he arrives, you chat with him as he cooks, relax in the (although somewhat awkward, now) silence for a bit, and chat a little again over dinner - Mihawk was never that talkative to begin with but now more than ever you noticed just how much you used to fill the conversation, you wonder a little to yourself if it ever got tiresome for him..

Before you can sink too deep into your thoughts, though, he pulls you from them with a gentle touch to your shoulder, leading you to the worn loveseat in your living room

He takes your hand and you have to suppress the urge to cough when something physically blooms in your chest, Mihawk then asks if there’d been anything bothering you lately, his gaze gentle yet still characteristically piercing, how if there was then he’d be more than willing to lend a hand but if it’s not something he can help with, he’d like you to know that you’d always have a shoulder to lean on with him

It’s then and there that everything you’ve tried to cast aside in his presence comes to ahead - the sincerity in his voice, how his eyes seem to soften ever so slightly just for you and only you, the growing sear in your chest - it’s all too much, and you crumble

The first thing out of your mouth is a fit of coughing, followed by the petals that always came with ever since you realized your feelings for this man, but after that it’s a stream of apologies, for worrying him, for ruining your friendship, you struggle to properly put words together, although they were all in your head

You can’t look him in the eye through your tears, but stiffen when you feel his arms tentatively wrapping around you, Mihawk says that he wished he pursued his hunch sooner; you relax and hug him back, still not quite believing this, all you can do is laugh

He holds you wholly and tight, now with your full permission, and presses a soft kiss to your temple, returning your smile with one of his own

#cebwrites #one piece #one piece imagine #i'm sorry i couldn't include crocodile #bc all i could think of was him being like #damn who asked you to die for me tho....... so anyway #that man gives NO fucks #that's why we love him <33 #dracule mihawk #mihawk x you #mihawk x reader #mihawk #op mihawk #smoker #op smoker #smoker one piece #smoker x you #smoker x reader #smomo isn't very smart

[catgirl-catboy]

hi! since you seem pretty pro-ai, i have a question. how do you reconcile that stance with the growing threat ai has on creative jobs? especially right now with the wga strike, when one of their main issues is ai. not trying to trap you or start a fight, just genuinely curious as someone with a foot in both fanfic and professional writing who doesn’t fully know how to feel.

I wouldn't say I'm pro ai in the sense that I think ai is uncritically great.

I think ai is morally neutral, and that it is only getting misused under capitalism.

I am absolutely down for ai being improved upon to progress society, and think ai could actually be a helpful tool for a lot of jobs humans don't want to do!

(Look me in the eye and tell me the current youtube auto generated captions are acceptable. Look my Hard of Hearing ass in the eye.)

That being said, the current people that are funding and working on the ai are scumbags that are clearly in it for a cheap buck and not to progress humanity forwards!

(maybe I'm an optimist, but I want to program something great one day. Something that other programmers build upon, and eventually people are still benefitting from my existence long after I'm gone!)

That being said, it isn't as easy as "magically hope the people behind chatGDP grow a spine or replace them with better people" I feel the the government should regulate ai more, so it isn't down to the morality of the current big name cooperations!

This will likely not happen, since governments always wait to pass laws on technology until it is far too late. I'd say:

If an Ai was used, it has to be disclosed and the programmers who wrote the ai credited.

In order to train a commercial ai on something, you have to either get consent from the people that made it (same as reference photos) or pay them. It should be like stock photos.

The companies shouldn't be able to tell users what they can and can't use the ai for. This is a slippery slope, and I could very easily see it leading to the "sorry, we refuse to write anything thats anti-big company! Sorry (suck my dick)

I think it should be under the same copyright law as fanfiction. You can use an ai to make whatever the fuck you want, but if you sell it the people that came up with the idea can come after you. As for ai completely stealing human jobs, it doesn't seem very likely. Ai automating people out of a job has always been a fear, and writing/art is the least likely field for this to happen in. The ai can't make anything original. If, lets say, the dataset goes up to 2020, then the ai won't be able to comment on modern events in the slightest. An ai can make SW fic, but once a new movie drops, its dataset will no longer be accurate. Therefore, the ai depends on humans to keep datasets up to date. Also, current ai is not good enough to recreate a modern TV show. Have you tried Ai? Do you think you can get it to keep a plot going for more than 1-2 prompts? Let alone an entire 22 minute episode? It'll be all tangential and clunky. even if some person actually wanted to write a show in this way, they'd need human editors to make it make sense. And at that point, if you're already paying humans, there's no point in relying on the ai. Another flaw in this "using ai to write shows approach" is that the ai isn't static? Like, if a new update roles out, the writing of the show can be completely off and that may not be fixable. I don't think anyone in Hollywood would want to put their faith in the competency of a bunch of random programmers.

We should have debated the morality of ai before we made it, if thats what tumblr wants. Its too late now. Can't put the genie back in the bottle.

There's no way that random internet users will have the same impact on the way ai plays out, since its up to the government and big cooperations.

I advise anyone who feels strongly about the subject to lobby to their government (or maybe the ai creators, but the government is your best bet.) instead of trying to peer pressure internet users into a boycott that will not affect shit in any way.

#ask tag #ai discourse

[localfraudster]

Claymore gave Alabaster a smile that would last him the rest of his life. “Come on,” he said. “I think the two of us have some research to do.”

"What research?"

"To find out how to stop those monsters from coming back after you. And from coming back from the dead." Claymore snorted.

Alabaster got up with the help of Claymore, whilst putting the Mistform cards back into his pocket. There was no use for them anymore. He'd have to make new ones.

He wouldn't be able to defend himself and Claymore from her attacks, and her raspy spells spoken in Latin. She was going to kill the two of them, and chase them to the depths of Tartarus just to kill them.

"What happened to Lamia?" Alabaster spoke in a frenzy, looking around him only seeing a field, and Dr Claymore, "Where is she? She's going to come after us!"

____

Claymore smiled and patted the boy on the shoulder. 7 seconds had passed since he spoke. Any shorter than 5 made him look like he was lashing out. Lying to him. Any longer than 5 made it seem like he was nervous. But he wasn't, he wasn't going to be neither. Today, he wasn't going to be a showman who had a crowd to impress to buy some book about death that was incorrect with the new information he had. He was infront a boy who he had to care for, a boy who was exiled by the gods, a boy who was supposedly going to die before 20 being killed by monsters, a boy who barely had sleep to set up defences against Lamia, a boy who was alone.

"Don't worry about her, she won't come after you. You now have a powerful spell to defeat her, right? She'd be foolish to attack." He rephrased whatever Alabaster's mother told him.

"I don't. I don't have the spell anymore, or at least not on me. I don't have the spellbook right now." Alabaster sighed.

"We'll drive back to your house to grab it. Anyways, we really need to get out of this field before any more monsters try find us. We have a lot to discuss, and you might want to take off that vest, I can get you a new one."

Alabaster took off his bullet proof vest, not having any need for it, it didn't work anymore. The two treaded out the field to find a new, yet seemingly abandoned car on the road with new change of clothes that was a perfect fit for the duo. It was most likely Hecate's work.

"You should stay over at my place for a while after we get that spellbook" Claymore spoke, "I have the best security system there is, you won't have to worry about the things that was chasing you." He put his hands in his pocket.

Alabaster smiled, "Thanks, but you'd be in danger because of me."

"I insist. You need to rest, and besides, I doubt that I'd be in danger."

"I'm sorry, but what?"

"Like I said, we have a lot to discuss."

They got in the car and Claymore drove it towards Alabaster’s house to collect the spellbook and the remaining spells that was left behind at 273 Morrow Lane. Claymore was only a mistform. And Alabaster didn't know, but he could vaguely sense something was different with him.

Alabaster opened the door to his house, then turned to look at Claymore... who put his hand in his pocket, then pulled out a card with a silhouette on it, then put it back.

"No way... How do you have that? Claymore you... you're now a... mistform?!"

"At least I'm still here, not like I've been to the Fields of Asphodel, definitely not Punishment," Claymore grinned.

"I don't believe you. You couldn't have became a mistform unless your soul was... you died?"

"Really now? Take a look at the total deaths in the past few weeks on Google. Take a look at the monsters coming back from the depths of Tartarus. If gods exist, then reincarnation and being reborn could exist." He shrugged.

"It does exist."

Claymore put a hand in his pocket, then took the mistform card with his silhouette on it, and showed it to him.

"Sorry... You died because of me."

"What do you mean die because of you? Technically I'm not dead."

"But-"

"No saying sorry."

"Gods you're arrogant!"

"Thank you for the compliment."

If you told Dr. Howard Claymore that he'd be almost like an illusion, had a person now kind of living in his house, and that Greek mythology was real one week ago, he would've looked at you as if you were a deformed monster that had spawned infront of him. But he now knew that Greek gods exists, and a boy who pretty much had a target on his back living in his home.

I just made this at 3 Am and it's pretty much OOC and not beta read, soo yeahhhhh???? Anyways, hoped you enjoyed that short ff.

#alabaster c torrington #alabaster torrington #the son of magic demigod diaries #fanfic #dr. howard claymore #howard claymore #not beta read

[yan-lorkai]

Ok so I know you're going Through It™️ with the vampire pomtrio fic. But I am curious on how exactly Epel came to be..."adopted" by Vil and Rook. Idk if it'll ever be brought up in the fic so imma ask now if that's cool. If it is then I'll just wait! If not then I would love to hear an infodump about their backstories in this au I love monster aus so much man 🙏🙏

Well, I did leave some crumbs in the fic but now that I'm thinking about it, everything was very subtle. So I'm just going to info dumping about Epel and his dads to u :D

Ok so for Epel I was imagining him being a sick child, always bedridden (inspired by me btw, I used to be the sick child), looking at the world through his little window and wishing he was different. He wished he was strong like the others so he could jump and run and play with the other children, he wished he could feel the sun on his skin as he worked in the fields with his grandmother and cousin. He wished people wouldn't look at him with those eyes full of pity, as if he were already dead. He knew that rumors about his condition were circulating among his neighbors, he just didn't know that anyone else was hearing them.

From his perspective, wishing did nothing. He was still so weak that his body couldn't stand upright a long time, he was still coughing and vomiting, and no doctor knew what he had. His medicines no longer working, his hopes fading, he became more withdrawn after a while, almost monosyllable. He wasn't living, he was just existing and Epel judged his existence as something insignificant in that dark moment. One day he fell asleep after another appointment with the doctor - this time a blond foreigner with beautiful lilac eyes, and he had a heavy but peaceful sleep, unlike many others in which he woke up with difficulty breathing. This time he felt no pain. He didn't even had any nightmare.

Although he felt better, a little stronger, after drinking the cocktail made by the Doctor with a funny name, Epel was still on the threshold between being sick and getting better. When he thinks about that moment now, he should have realized that Vil's words were filled with immortal secrets and that he knew more than everyone else. Vil was different from anyone he had ever seen or spoken to, and Epel had spoken to many doctors and nurses, yet Epel wished for Vil to cure him. Wishing was useless but he continued anyway. He preyed for it very quietly when he thought he was alone.

If you ask him, he still remembers how his transformation occurred. It was raining and windy that day, the raindrops hitting the roof were so loud that he couldn't hear anything that was happening outside his room. Honestly, he was glad he couldn't hear it. But he remembers feeling fear come over him when Dr. Schoenheit entered his room, his lab coat stained with blood while tiny drops still fell from his lips. He looked like a beast about to devour everything his fangs could reach. And yet, Epel supposed there was something poetic about dying at the hands of the one who had saved him. Instead, Vil asked him to join his little family, which at that time It consisted of just him and his father, Eric, that loved to travel around and see how the world had changed.

Epel agreed, as long as Vil spared his family. For which he approved, he had enchanted Epel's family and neighbors for them to forget him. He could have easily killed them but he was not bloodthirsty back then, every killing had to have a good reason. And then it happened. Epel was adopted and left together with Vil- no, his dad, as he liked to call him. Ofc everything was new to him and he often got scolded when he was out exploring humans villages alone and attacked someone when he got hungry. But nobody could judge him, Epel was living life (or death? 🤔) to its fullest!

(not sure if I'm gonna include this but initially I thought that over the years, Vil's father's passion took a stake to his heart. After all, humans are fearful people who fear the unknown. This would be the main reason for Vil to become even more responsible and mature, and cruel. He was never too compassionate or empathetic towards human being a natural born vampire, but after losing his father he had became more closed off to the everyone but his.)

Anyway a few centuries later, Rook Hunt appears in their lives. An eccentric vampire hunter known to trap vampires to study them, to know how to better hunt and kill them, mind you he only does this for fun. The first time met Vil he was so mesmerized by Vil's beauty that he started courting him, sending him little gifts (which consisted of the heads of his enemies, blood sags to feed him or his son, the most beautiful clothes and tiaras he could find). Meanwhile Vil is right here, confused bcs "wth is this strange human and why he likes to follow me around? Why isn't he afraid of me?" But like, eventually those two get together as a couple and Vil turns him too.

Though Vil did talked with his son first before turning Rook. He has a rule: for anyone to join the family, every member should want this. Otherwise, a transformation is not viable.

(But y'know initially Deuce would also be Epel's older brother - mostly bcs I love their friendship, Deuce would be Yuu's friend who guided them to this vacant mansion and also the one to vote for Yuu to become their younger sibling. Can't remember why I didn't follow this idea tho, but now I'm going to be think about this for a while)

This turned longer than I intended hehe. But if you still have any questions to make, I'm more than happy to answer it :)

#lorkai answer #*･゜ﾟ anon ask #epel felmier #rook hunt #vil schoenheit #pometrio au

[maiji]

Something I'm excited about with regards to finishing fight / flight is that now I can finally post a new batch of images to Pixiv! Not just fight / flight, but also other illustrations I finished over the period of time and/or forgot to previously post to the North Bound series there. I really wanted to do one last illustration of these three to close it off. 

I usually wait a day, several days before posting art/comics to other platforms. Partly to spread out the update spam, partly to try to increase visibility, but mostly because 9 times out of 10 if I post things too fast I almost immediately discover some silly mistakes and then I'm crying inside because I'm repeatedly editing, reposting, finding another mistake, repeat etc... and/or I can't edit a post on some platforms and have to delete it all and start over. So I try to pace myself a bit, giving myself a little distance and opportunity to be more aware and mindful. (Sometimes it works. Sometimes I'm like, who cares, no one will notice except me, and move on with my life.)

It's always hard to assess your own work objectively. Projects like North Bound are particularly interesting because of the funny elasticity of time that you have with all the different pieces of it. That some ideas are so old and you're finally getting to them after all these months/years or other people are finally seeing them when you've already long moved on to something else. That different things are at varying stages of conception and sketching and refining and finishing, and so on. Webcomic creators are very familiar with the concept of "webcomic time". I think anyone who works in a field where there's a lag between the initial conceptualization of something and the actual publishing/launching it out into the world know what I mean. Webcomic time maybe even more so because the barriers to entry for webcomics can be wonderfully low and webcomic creators often do SO MUCH in the production so lots of people get to commiserate in this funny space/feeling together. To be honest I think I feel it with North Bound even more than I ever felt it with Now Recharging. The latter I worked on in a relatively regular fashion to hit specific posting schedules, while North Bound really is whenever I can squeeze in the time and motivation and also problem-solve narrative issues.

Looking back, Mirror Most Dark (completed 2017), I Heard A Cicada Cry (completed 2020), Survive (2021) and fight / flight (2024) (see them all here) form a four story set as "this is North Bound Hokushin's formative time before he meets Raizen". But what I really like is that they feel pretty self-contained - more like "this is an interesting little supernatural historical fiction-y series of stories". (Enough so that I actually woke up one night thinking, "Hey, this set of stories would actually make a pretty robust printed book! The 3 comic stories alone come to 108 pages! I wonder how many pages Mirror Most Dark would come to if I re-laid it out as a printed illustrated story... I'd have to redraw the illustrations in black and white to be able to print it more cost-effectively and match the style of the comic stories..." and then I was like no, you already have enough things to work on, and you don't need another box of books sitting in your closet for the next 10+ years.)

Working on these helps me really appreciate the art and craft of storytelling and building out/fleshing out a character, and also pushes me to try so many things I otherwise wouldn't have the opportunity to. Mirror Most Dark, the oldest work in this group, still holds up not too badly (though there are a lot of errors and issues, and many things I would change if I were attempting it today...), and some panels and sequences I've been very proud of throughout the stories. When I reread them I do always see little things I'd like to fix, but overall... I made them, I learned from them, they exist, and it was all a very worthwhile experience!

#yu yu hakusho #hokushin #semimaru #tomoe gozen #historical fiction #fancomic #fanfiction #art by maiji/mary huang #yyh north bound

[dogydayz]

The world was large, and I couldn't find you where we usually met up. Up on the cliff, overlooking the sparkling ocean, where we'd watch the sun set as the stars would shine down on us. I've always noticed how you'd gaze up at them so intently.

You'd teased me just the night before about how, from atop the cliff, I found the ocean to be so beautiful, yet the moment I'd get close I'd become terrified. You seemed to find it so silly, which, to be fair, it really is, but still! You know I can't swim in that!

But the shimmers... Are quite a sight.

I ran through the trees, searching for wherever you'd gone to, even though I could've instead simply assumed that you wanted to be alone that night. I knew you weren't injured, I knew you were alright, yet for some reason my legs kept moving, in a way I couldn't even remember having gone before.

It's strange. I thought I knew all there was to about our home island, I'd raced around it time and time again, and you knew that too. After all, you were there each time, running alongside me, until we'd finally tire out after sprinting for hours, or pushing ourselves too hard too fast.

Is there even really any "too fast," though?

Amy seemed to think there was, but I still don't buy it.

I continued on down a route I'd never seen, deeper into the heavily wooded area, where the ground began to slope down into what seemed to be a deeper area of the island... And soon, I came to a cave entrance. For the first time since I'd started running that night, I finally brought myself to a halt. I could barely see, and yet, the lingering scent of something... Soothing... It wafted from the cave, drawing me inside.

I bumped against rocks and walls, struggling to make my way through carefully. I think most know by this point that "careful" isn't really my thing.

But soon.... Shafts of moonlight began to pour in, as the smells guided me to another opening...

Into a grotto, I found myself walking, the strange, hidden area bathed in moonlight, and surrounding me were blooming lavenders.

That's where I found you, and it didn't surprise me a bit. From below in the grotto, one could see the moon and the stars so clearly, while being surrounded by the calming aroma of the flowers. I couldn't tell if you were awake or asleep, so I just walked over and sat down on the rocks near you and watched the flowers sway in the night breeze.

You weren't surprised either, to see that I found my way here.

"How the hell did you get through the tunnel?"

"Felt my way around, let my nose lead me."

"Chaos, you're persistent."

"Are you just now realizing this? Or is this another one of your teasing quips~?"

"Neither, just admiring your tenacity."

And we sat for the night, and this place... This place that I hadn't even known existed til that night, became where we'd begin to meet in the future. A calmer place, a place where even I felt like I could just... Lay back, relax, and not have to do anything.

We tried to come up with a name for it, but we both suck as names, so even to this day we don't quite know what to call the place. The Grotto, the Field, we always use something new and vague, as to not let anyone know where we may be. They don't need to know anyway, heh.

Apart from that, I also... Enjoy being there to see you.

It's nice to see you genuinely happy, relaxed, at peace... Especially when you always seem so tense. It's nice to enjoy something that isn't just our competitions with eachother, yknow?

...

And... I have to admit...

You look beautiful surrounded by the pale purple hues of the flowers.

With the stars shown in your eyes as you look up at the sky above.

And the moonlight shining off of you.

But don't expect me to admit that out loud, got that, faker? Yeah, heh. Not gonna happen.

#sth #sonadow #mini writing #my writing #writing post #text post #cute shit #very cute shit #also i found the image on Pinterest or some shit like that #it's not mine #mini fic #fic #sorta #paradox au #i guess

[efastforward123]

E Fast Forward

Learning and Growing from JEE Disappointment: Rebuilding Your Career

Facing disappointment in the Joint Entrance Examination (JEE) can be disheartening, but it's important to remember that failure is not the end; it's an opportunity for growth and learning. This article explores how to rebuild your career after experiencing JEE disappointment. By adopting the right mindset, embracing resilience, and utilizing available resources, you can turn this setback into a stepping stone towards a brighter future.

Understanding the Disappointment of JEE Failure

Experiencing failure in an exam as crucial as the JEE can be discouraging. Acknowledge and understand the disappointment you're feeling. It's essential to give yourself time to process your emotions and seek support. You are not alone in this experience, and it's normal to feel sadness, anger, or frustration. However, remember that this disappointment does not define your future.

Accepting and Processing Your Emotions

Accept your emotions and process them in a healthy way. Talk to a trusted friend or family member who can provide support. Writing in a journal can also help release your thoughts and emotions. Remember, your feelings are valid, and acknowledging them is the first step towards healing and moving forward.

Reflecting on Your Career Goals and Aspirations

Use this setback as an opportunity to reflect on your career goals and aspirations. Consider if your chosen path aligns with your true passions and interests. Explore different options and gain clarity on your future direction. A career is a long journey, and it's never too late to pivot and pursue something that resonates with you.

Identifying the Lessons Learned from the Failure

Failure is a valuable teacher. Look back at your JEE preparation journey and identify the lessons you've learned. Reflect on what worked and what didn't, and use these insights to improve your approach moving forward. Embrace the lessons learned as stepping stones towards personal and professional growth.

Developing a Growth Mindset for Career Rebuilding

Cultivate a growth mindset, believing that your abilities can be developed through dedication, hard work, and perseverance. Understand that setbacks are temporary obstacles that can be overcome with the right mindset. Challenge yourself to embrace new challenges, take risks, and step out of your comfort zone. By adopting a growth mindset, you empower yourself to continue learning, growing, and pushing forward despite setbacks.

Exploring Alternative Career Options and Pathways

JEE disappointment may lead you to question your chosen career path. Research different fields, industries, and professions that align with your interests and strengths. Attend career-related events to gain insights into different industries and connect with professionals. Remember, the world is full of opportunities, and by exploring alternative paths, you may discover a passion and purpose you never knew existed.

Seeking Guidance and Support from Mentors

Seek guidance and support from mentors who can provide valuable advice, insights, and encouragement. Reach out to teachers, professors, industry professionals, or alumni who have successfully rebuilt their careers after setbacks. Mentors can offer perspectives, help you set realistic goals, and provide motivation and accountability.

Staying Motivated and Resilient Throughout the Journey

Rebuilding your career requires resilience and unwavering motivation. Understand that success often comes to those who persevere through challenges. Surround yourself with positive influences, set realistic goals, and celebrate your progress. Stay focused, determined, and motivated, and you will overcome any obstacle that comes your way.

Celebrating Small Victories and Milestones

Acknowledge and celebrate small victories and milestones along the way. Treat yourself to a small reward or indulge in activities that bring you joy when you achieve a goal or overcome a challenge. Celebrating these moments boosts your confidence and reminds you of how far you've come.

Conclusion: Embracing Failure as a Stepping Stone to Success

In conclusion, JEE disappointment is not the end but an opportunity for growth. By understanding and processing your emotions, reflecting on your goals, embracing a growth mindset, exploring alternative pathways, seeking guidance, staying motivated, and celebrating small victories, you can turn this setback into a stepping stone towards a successful and fulfilling career. Remember, failure is not the end, but a chance to rise above and create your path to success. Believe in yourself, stay focused, and embrace failure as an essential part of your journey towards greatness.( E Fast Forward )

[thisfairytalegonebad]

*lying face-down on the floor* hello. i'm here to update you on my life.

after dropping out of my apprenticeship as a sales clerk i spent eight months looking for an apprenticeship in a different city and didn't find any,

looked for a job in that city, almost found one, then the whole move fell through,

then i got a letter from my insurance company asking for money, so i very quickly signed up with the temp agency that i was working for back when i was at university, but quickly got sick of working in factories,

so now i work at netto (do you have netto over there? it's like aldi a bit to the left),

but i'm also getting annoyed with that so i'm thinking about finding an apprenticeship or a duales studium in computer science. again.

oh, and i still live with my parents.

i hear you're going through it too?

Siiimon, my buddy, my pal, I've missed you <3 (I say, as though I had not been perfectly capable of reaching out to you myself... but you know how it is *joins you on the floor*)

I'm putting the rest under a read more because I got talkative and I don't wanna make everyone else read that

Man, I'm sorry things are still this shitty for you, you deserve way better than that. It sucks that everything costs money and that it's kind of necessary to get some form of education after finishing school or you'll be stuck at factories or dealing with customers.

But, judging from my own life, still living with the parents is easily the worst part of it, isn't it? And oh, how unfair is it that there is money required to get tf away from the parents, fuck if I can't relate.

If you're going for potentially an apprenticeship, what kinds have you been looking at? Anything in particular catch your eye?

We do not have Netto here, but I've heard of it before. We do have Aldi and Lidl, though, that's as far as German supermarket chains go here.

As for myself, well, I'm certainly going through it but not in a new or exciting way, just that some days are normal levels of shitty and some are pure dread wanting to stop existing kinda shitty, all the sorta things I hope will be fixed when I move out.

I was particularly dreading my bro finishing his military service (which is mandatory for men here, idk how it is for y'all folks over there) because he said he was going to move out once that was over, but then they liked him so much they made him stay another round (no joke, apparently they can just. Force you to stay) so he finally did finish at the start of November, but now he put off moving for the time being for various reasons and I'm so glad, I don't want him to be able to make a run for it whilst I'm still stuck here, and I particularly don't want to be stuck here with my parents alone.

So yeah the bro is staying, for now, and unfortunately so am I, but my apprenticeship is nearing its end, which means the problem of "what do I do with my life" is also coming closer once again, except now it's more along the lines of "where will I want to work and in what field". So far I liked the accounting department and the purchasing department, those are certainly options, and apparently boss man of the purchasing department (where I am right now) would like to keep me after finishing, which is certainly nice but I don't know if I want that yet, but it's also not an official thing yet, just something he apparently said to a coworker. But I think I'd also really like to work in IT somehow? Mostly because that's where the nerds are and I'd kind of really like some irl friends, and I like computers and stuff so yknow, IT sounds nice, definitely an option too. We'll see. Problem for future me, I guess.

#i'm glad to hear from you again (other than reblogging stuff from each other) #i love you and i want things to work out for you and i want you to be happy you deserve it #<3 #personal

[thequirkychameleon]

31/08/22 - The Blip

It's almost reaching the end of the first month since year 4 of medical school started and almost 2 weeks of placements have passed. It has gone by so quick but all my days feel like they speed past like this. Sorry, I'm trying to think of what to say cos i've been wanting to post in like forever and now that I'm doing this my INFJ brain is thinking of all the different things i wanna write faster than i actually can write or articulate.

Anyways, placements are going alright. It was long anticipated since this moment finally feels like i am studying to become a doctor, although 'overwhelming' is a complete understatement and the feelings of imposter syndrome appear in waves. It's hard to take initiative on placement to do things as many things involve supervision or teaching and I just feel bad pestering the busy doctors/nurse/staff who are there to look after patients. I was very happy last week as everything was new and I learned to do new skills such as venipuncture and ECGs, however this week I haven't really pushed myself and feel more like an idiot wallflower who can't answer any bloody question that the consultant asks in a ward round that they now don't even acknowledge my existence. Gosh I'm so dramatic I'm cringingggg.

I am currently drowning in procrastination when i probably should be going through the billion online content or contributing to extracurricular commitments or engaging in social activity hence I decided to post, but honestly it's really hard to think of things to say when I'm feeling like a zombie - burnt out ALREADY. i've been wanting to write in my diary for months or do something creative but just haven't due to this burnout, which is usually due to my studies or giving time to others rather than myself which i cant help. It's not usual of me to feel this pessimistic because i do consider myself an optimistic individual generally. I would love to be able to have the time to do my home workouts, stretches, read a book (can't remember the last time I finished a book i know terrible) or even eat healthily again - time is truly of the essence. if time allowed it or there was no such concept I would LOVE to just escape my room and ponder into the outdoors alone with my earphones and smell freedom without worrying about tomorrow. It's honestly the little things in life that lifts you.

I am literally so motivated to learn more in terms of googling what i don't know while on placement and i make a list, but after a whole day on placement who has energy to do work when they come back?? And let's not even talk about my sleep pattern... thank god we have to wear face-masks on placements cos the amount of times I yawned while seeing patients on a ward round. Why do they offer mental wellbeing support at the uni when your timetable doesn't even allow you time to even seek it or process how you're feeling?While a lot of my medical knowledge is coming back to me that i had forgotten due to a year of intercalation, I realise the more you know, the more you don't know and the past 3 years of uni life feels like an actual blip. Hopefully the next time I post it would be a positive one.

Take care of yourselves :)

On a positive note, I'm looking forward to travel back to my OG flat (currently living in hospital accommodation in a different town) this weekend and meet my friends - i need some healthy interaction! As a side note, I would love some online like-minded friends on here and feel free to send any questions!! 

'Cause I'm in a field of dandelions, wishin' on every one that you'd be mine'

#mental health #blip #medical school #medicalstudent #zombie #health #university #i need to stop procrastinating #procrastination #imposter syndrome #wake me up #help lol

[fallinallincurls]

Hi 🥰 so I have an idea for you, but it might be long, I will put a lot of detail in it to help you out, because it's long, it might actually end up being a mini series if you're feeling up to it?

Here goes:

Reader and Shawn Mendes could be very close, not best friends to lovers, I'm trying to describe it as the bond that forms when two people have really strong feelings towards each other but haven't really put a label on it, so they're not quite boyfriend and girlfriend.

Reader and Shawn could be hanging out an A lot-little coffee 'dates', walking on the beach at sunset/sunrise (hand in hand), or even on a field in the middle of nowhere, stargazing and just talking about things (about life, it could be deep things which is nice to talk about, but only with the right person) it could lead to your first kisses, (a fist of many slow, passionate and meaningful ones).

They decide to get away from the world for one night (to take a break from studying, friends and home life), so they rent out a beach house together so that they could be alone for just one night.

Feelings are confessed (Shawn confesses first), and they "make love" on their queen sized bed, hearing nothing but the sounds of their moans, the crackling of the fire, whilst the waves crash against rocks and the moon begins to shine.

(still not boyfriend and girlfriend yet)

****I think that maybe it should be a hint of smut, like neck kissing and hands all over each other, but because its kind of a romantic request story/one shot I don't think it should be full on like fingering and descriptions of 'cumming together and things like that******

Reader and shawn find each other beautiful in every way and it is like no problems seem to exist when you're in each other's presence.

Shawn's group of friends are aware of the closeness between the two, and they know that Shawn has strong feelings towards her, feelings that describe "love" to a tea. However, the reader is the kind of person that, unless something is bought up, then words aren't spoken. In other words, her friend doesn't know about her and Shawn and her because it has never been bought up

So when the reader's friend starts going on about her on going forever crush (again), a name is mentioned. It's a bit of a shock to the reader (y/n). The reader starts to feel immense amount of guilt and she feels like she's going behind her bestfriends back. Because Shawn's friends always sit in close proximity to you and your friend, he heard it too. And he almost senses the guilt coming out of you as he searches and follows your eyes. He silently gestures you to follow him and managed to un-guilt you, by reassuring you that everything is going to be ok. But that was only until the reader's friend saw you 'almost kiss a few days later.

All ties were cut with Shawn after that, and it left you both extremely and emotionally wrecked. The reader avoided the halls of their uni, stayed inside most days, whilst the reader's "friend" desperately tried to get into Shawn's pants and flirted with him consistently. Shawnj had none of it, he was completely dismissive of everything she did, and made it clear that the reader was the only thing on his mind, day in and day out.

It's only when the reader was forced out by her cousin/sister/ (whoever you want) to a party (and made a friend), that she met Shawn's eyes. Two pairs of drunken eyes.

She felt guilt all over again as she rushed to the bathroom, only to be followed by Shawn, who startled her when he unknowingly wrapped his arms around her waist, placed his chin on her shoulder and stared at her through the mirror lovingly.

Tears were shed, pleadings were made and promises were spoken as more and more hickeys began to appear. L bombs are dropped and the gf question was popped, all leading them to walk home hand in hand.

The reader's friend watched with her new, much better-suited group of friends, as Shawn and reader's hands laced together gently, 'squeezing' past the loud crowds to get to their beach house and re-live their special moment.

The reader made a good friend before she left that night, one shy and full of kindness just like herself. Even better. She also came out of the other side with a boyfriend, and someone head of heels for her.

***** really hope you like this request, I'm sorry that it's so long!!!!! I thought I'd give you a detailed description of the request, just because know that sometimes writers struggle with plots and storylines!"*******

hi ohmygosh!! first off, thank you for sending this in with all the detail and for thinking i'd be the best to write it! unfortunately, i haven't written for shawn in almost two years so i don't think i could take this on as a wip. it's an incredible idea and i love it myself!! i'm so far removed from the fandom that i'm not sure who still writes for him on here, if anyone knows, please tag them. but thank you so much again!

#asks #ask bre #lovely anon #shawn mendes #can we find a writer for this?? #thank you for thinking of me! #it's a great idea