#someone free oliver he is literally begging | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jean-does-not-have-a-horseface · 3 years

Note

oooh may i request eren with a female s/o who doesn't put up with his bullshit? Like when he gets jealous n stuff

So I turned this into a break up fic because why not!? I live to hurt my own self while writing. I was listening to Noir By Sunmi while writing this hence the title.

Pairing: Eren/ Reader

Tags: angst, breaking up, seriously angst, modern au

Warnings: mentions of jealousy, angst, seriously. Just angst.

Noir

There is a despicable attire masking the way you're looking at Eren. The feeling that's boiling in the depths of your chest as you're sitting across from him on your kitchen table is indescribable. It's mixture of anger and determination, merged with heavy specs of remorse, whether it is for yourself or him, you haven't decided yet.

Your reflection in the glass of the kitchen table is mocking you. In it you can see a few of the cupboards behind you, you can see your inox fridge that's decorated in numerous small polaroids and you can see your hair, being messy and tousled, just like it always is when you're staying indoors. But you- no, your face. Your face looks deformed and blank, lost in the aggravating aspects of an angered expression.

Setting your eyes to any where but Eren isnt a simple task. Rather, you find no interest in looking at the borders between the marble tiles of the floor. They were plain and annoying to look at, but if you could you'd pretend they could calm you down. Keeping your huff in though, you alternate your gaze onto the top of the counter, onto the tap of the sink. You squint, pretending to take a good notice of the forms that light reflects into the object.

"I just don't want other guys being too touchy with you." Eren groans.

"Aren't we over this?" You roll your eyes.

"Yes, just pointing out that you wouldn't like that either."

There he goes again and you can't help but immediately snap your orbs to his direction. You have lost count of how many times he has mentioned it in only the span of five hours. He mentioned in while taking a shower, he mentioned it while working out, be mentioned it while cooking yet you've chosen to ignore him. Yet you know that ignorance doesn't benefit anyone, ever.

And you shouldn't act as if you're surprised, especially since you haven't addressed this. This is Eren. This has always been Eren. Expressing your concerns to Eren about how you feel he should trust you more has never worked, why should it work now?

"Eren, I can trust you that you won't let anyone do that!? Don't you trust me?"

"Yes, but."

"But?"

"I don't trust what others want to do to you. And what if you give in? Did you just wake up one day and decided to just devote ourself to me specifially?"

Eren is bitterly jealous. There's this spite that's hiding the aqua lines of his eyes, this sour mood that he always carries around when he gets in it. This stops him from being able to eat even slightly to normal; his hands are nervous and sweaty, his fork is abandoned to the side of his plate, his thumbs tapping onto the flat sides of his plate as if he's waiting for a response. There's not even the hint of a crump going down his throat, more so there's not a single bite taken off of his sandwich.

"Eren no one was touchy with me. Jean, Reiner, Armin, Marco... these are literally our friends since school!" You speak, munching onto your own food.

"I know."

"Then? Want to talk about it?"

You hate the way you make it sound like it's okay to casually be tender to him when he's judging you but you've been munching onto that bite of your cold noodles for a long time now. Your throat is refusing to take down bites anymore in result of you having stuffed your mouth to the full. It's an effort to shush yourself, to silence that voice that begs to come out and speak words you might regret.

"It's just." Eren pauses.

And you wait for his words to come out. By tapping your own hand onto the the glass of the table, you fixate your gaze onto Eren's uncomfortable form. You watch as his face gets buried to the palms of his hands, you watch as he refuses to face you while he clicks his tongue. His foot is rapidly tapping onto the floor, his hair is being pulled back by his fingers. The loud exhales he takes are indicators to the heavy weight that's sitting on his chest.

"It's so hard for me because I imagine you being with others, I don't want anyone to get their hands on something that's mine. And it's driving me crazy (y/n)."

Out of spite you push your eyes to the side. Facing Eren isn't something you feel like you're free to do at the moment. It's horrendous that you have to answer to that. Your heart is alternating between hammering inside your chest and dropping to your stomach. Your mind is confused as to what you should begin to think, or say. This is Eren, you keep repeating to your self, your spongy brain though is refusing to believe it.

It makes you wonder; Is this a time to be kind or is the last straw?

"Eren this is destroying you isn't it?"

Eren nods and then hides inside the neck of his hoodie, he pulls his sleeves over his palms and brings his elbows to the top of the table, setting them down as he leaned his face into his now clenched fists. You take it upon you to swallow that amount of food that's in your mouth up until now and when you do it goes down your throat dryly, painfully even. Your eyes are somewhat stinging, tiny little droplets are already starting to form in their corners.

"I don't want to feel like this anymore."

"It's destroying me too. Your jealousy."

Your chest rises and falls, your eye brows furrowing paid fully over your eyes as you look down. You can feel the gaze that's fixated on you; Eren is burning holes through your form with his piercing gaze, even if you can't see it it's a fact that you can't help but ignore. You heart the clenching of your teeth as your jaw locks onto place, trying to salvage every aspect of what can be saved between you and Eren.

"Then what did you suggest we do?" Eren quarries with a soft voice, his arm reaching out to wiggle underneath the grip you have of your face and hair.

"I-"

Maybe you can try. Couples try and fight for each other. And then things are supposed to get better. When you're down he's supposed to help you reach the top and you're supposed to do that too. It just doesn't feel like that with Eren anymore. You feel like Eren is holding you back, you feel like he's digging and delving into the past in such way that present doesn't matter to him anymore. You hate to think that it's not healthy to stay with each other anymore. If you weren't so exhausted by this being your new reality, you would be willing to try.

Your hands move reluctantly from their grip on your head, your thumbs shivering as you moved then down and along Eren's cubits. You trace imaginary lines over his slightly olive skin. Your fingers, shaking as much as your thumb work into taking his hands on yours, as you're pressing your palms onto his knuckles slightly.

"Maybe we should take a break from each other."

Your lips feel lighter than air as you mouth the words, still you're more concerned about how Eren is taking the sentence up. It's not easy to digest; you moved your eyes onto his form and suddenly they're stuck there, that pained expression is suppressing your lips in a puckered state, harsh lines spreading all over the volume of your lips.

"I didn't say this for you to tell me that."

Eren throws his hands in a orbit that's years of light away from yours. He's not touching you anymore, and you lose every ounce of affection in your body. The stinging tears that had threatened to fall are starting to vanish, hiding inside the sponge tissue of the corners of your eyes. A shiver runs through you as you watch Eren's nervous foot stop it's rhythm.

"I know."

"I'm sorry. I've talked about this with you so many times. And I'm just not feeling like I can do this anymore. I wish I could fight about us even more, but I can't be the only one fighting. I feel horrible for saying this but Eren, saying this sentence felt liberating for me. I feel free."

"There's no need to explain yourself. It's fine. Fine. I made you feel this way and yeah." Eren bit his lip as he spoke.

"I didn't think we'd end like this."

"Me neither." He snarls.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be." His nose scrunches as he sniffles.

His eyes trace the uneaten sandwich in his plate, then they followed a forbidden path to you. But before he meets your eyes, he snaps his gaze back to what he was originally eyeing to distract himself. He wants to lash out, he wants to shout, but for what he doesn't know. It is rather odd to just sprout nonsense to someone who doesn't want to be standing across from him just because his devotions belonged to them up until second day ago.

Thus he bites on the inside of his cheek, pointy teeth digging into the soft flesh with fury, opening holes that he knows will be a pain in the ass before they heal again.

Without him, you'll be free. The phrase is a loop that's repeating into his head like a snap to reality.

Eren watchea as you bite your top lip and push your chair backwards, prompting your self up and away from the table, with your lips pushed into a thin line. He can see that it feels like a walk of shame, from your point in the kitchen to the sink, the way that your feet sound when clashing with the tiles of the floor indicate your need to not disturb him further. As if you're pitying him.

Eren grows to hate the way your pity presents it self. As if he is sick. But you are right.

"I'll go to sleep to Sasha's tonight and I'll come get my stuff tomorrow." You announced, without ever turning to look at him.

If he can work on himself he can try to get you back, he thinks and sighs. Nontheless he refuses to reply; he hasn't been given a right to reply to such statement. He can only let you go, and try not to be swallowed by the suffocating thought of you moving on without him.

At least now you can be free of that.

Taglist: @sasageyowrites @levisbrat25 @puredivinity @ackermans-freedom-inc @callmepromise @nobody-knows-anymore @berrijam @lzrers

#eren yeager x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren jeager x reader #eren yeager #snk eren #eren jaeger #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk #snk x reader #aot x reader #snk season 4 #aot season 4

207 notes · View notes

nicknellie · 3 years

Text

Anonymous requested: Could I request willex fake dating au, maybe the boys are trying to get Alex a boyfriend and so he asks Willie to fake date him to get the boys off his back or something please!

Anon, I love fake dating AUs, I’m beyond glad that you suggested this. Plus with willex I think fake dating is very in character, especially for Alex. I had a lot of fun writing this one, thank you for your request! I’m sorry it took me so long to get round to writing it, but to make up for it I’ve made it longer than most of my other fics.

A Dream Come True

Alex had to hand it to them – when Luke and Reggie wanted something, they really pushed for it. Normally it would be one of the many things he loved about the two of them. Determination, perseverance, resilience, all good qualities. And when they put their minds towards something useful like booking Julie and the Phantoms a gig or dragging Willie out of the washing machine when he got stuck in it playing hide and seek, they were definitely useful to have around. So usually, Alex loved their pushiness.

He just didn’t like it when it was aimed at him. Even less so when they were trying (for the umpteenth time that month) to get him a boyfriend.

And the worst part was that this time Alex had run out of excuses.

For reasons Alex simply couldn’t fathom, Luke and Reggie had been obsessed with the idea of finding him a boyfriend for some weeks now. Reggie had downloaded several dating apps and entered all of Alex’s information, and every time Alex saw him the first thing Reggie would do was reel off a list of several candidates he’d deemed worthy. Luke, ever the technophobe (or rather just terrible with technology), had taken a more natural approach and spent countless hours wandering the streets of Hollywood for someone who was, in his words, ‘the sort of guy who would make Alex lose his goddamn mind’.

It wasn’t that Alex didn’t appreciate them trying to make him happy – he found it sweet, if a little weird – it was just that he knew nobody they found would ever be right. He knew what he was looking for, he knew what he wanted, and he didn’t think that Luke and Reggie could get it for him.

The first time they had tried to send him on a date Alex had faked a cold and pulled out at the last minute. The second time he had “accidentally” shown up to the wrong location and missed the entire thing. The third time he simply hadn’t gone – instead, he turned off all the lights in his house, locked all the doors and windows, and hid, so when he didn’t show up and Luke and Reggie came over looking for him they assumed he was out. The fourth time and most recent time he had pretended to fall asleep when they told him about it.

Alex wasn’t the most creative of people and he had pretty much exhausted all of his go-to date-dodging tactics. So the fifth time his friends tried to set him up, he completely panicked.

“So I was doing my usual lap of Sunset Boulevard this morning,” Luke said in lieu of a greeting the moment he walked into Julie’s garage. “And Alex, dude, bro, you will not believe the guy I saw.”

“Good morning to you to,” Alex said flatly.

Luke wrinkled his nose like the greeting confused him, but then saw Julie setting up her mic in the corner. A bright smile grew on his face as he was distracted and for a moment Alex thought he might have been lucky enough to get out of the conversation. But a moment later, Reggie entered the studio and also decided that greetings weren’t a necessity.

“Luke! Did you tell Alex about the guy yet?”

Julie snickered (she found the whole thing much funnier than Alex did and he most certainly did not appreciate it) and for a moment more Luke continued to just look at her, absolutely besotted, but then he came to his senses and all of a sudden his excited smile was directed at Alex.

“Right, that. So I ran into him outside the Orpheum, so he’s probably a music guy,” Luke gushed, winking in a way that Alex supposed was meant to be suggestive. “We had a little chat and he told me he’s training as a teacher and is also looking for someone to settle down with.”

“Sometimes I worry about you,” Alex said, laying a gentle hand on Luke’s arm. “You’re getting forgetful. I’m not looking to settle down with anyone.”

Rolling his eyes dramatically, Luke shrugged Alex’s arm off and instead planted his own hands firmly on Alex’s shoulders, shaking him a little. “Maybe not, but that might change when you meet this guy.”

“I doubt it. What’s his name?”

“Oscar. Maybe Oliver. Orville? I don’t know, but it definitely began with an ‘o’.”

“He sounds memorable,” Alex deadpanned. “I’m sure we’ll have a great time together.”

Reggie gasped excitedly. “So you’ll meet up with him then?”

“No,” Alex said firmly.

Julie giggled again (and once again Luke looked at her, dazzled). “Why not, Alex? You sounded so enthusiastic about him!”

“Very funny,” he returned. “I’m not meeting him.”

“Why not?” Luke whined, dragging the words out like a frustrated toddler. “You always do this! Reg and I try to set you up with people but you always say you don’t want to. Are we missing something?”

Alex could see the cogs whirring in Reggie’s mind before his face lit up and he triumphantly guessed, “Or are we missing someone?”

If anyone had asked, Alex wouldn’t have been able to give a reason for what he said next. It was completely untrue, a wild statement made under extreme pressure in the face of an emergency. Perhaps it was a bad decision, but he had run out of excuses to not meet people and he was getting desperate. He hadn’t had time to consider it.

Alex said, “Yes.”

Reggie’s jaw dropped, Julie dropped her microphone, and Luke dropped whatever respect he had left for Alex’s personal boundaries. He launched himself at Alex, tackling him to the floor in what he assumed was supposed to be a hug, and Alex was fairly certain that Luke was crying with happiness.

“Dude!” he shouted (though it was rather muffled since he had his face buried in Alex’s shirt). “That’s awesome news! Reggie and I can stop searching! I didn’t think you’d be able to find someone yourself, bro.”

“Thanks for having so much confidence in me,” Alex said flatly as he extricated himself from Luke’s vice grip and hoisted himself to his feet.

“You’re welcome,” Luke said as he wiped his eyes (yes, he was actually crying happy tears).

Julie had her arms crossed in front of her chest, looking half-puzzled and half-affronted. “You’re seeing someone? And you didn’t tell me? The only one of your friends who is even a little bit good at keeping a secret?”

“Hey,” Reggie interrupted, “I’m good at keeping secrets!”

“Reggie, honey, I love you but at Christmas you told everyone what you’d bought them as soon as you’d bought it.”

Reggie looked like he wanted to defend himself but couldn’t. “I was excited to see everyone’s reactions…”

Rolling her eyes fondly, Julie turned back to Alex. “Anyway – why didn’t you tell me?”

While he was a terrible liar, Alex just so happened to be a very good actor. In high school he’d got the lead role in the school play two years in a row, but whenever someone asked him if he was gay (before he had come out) he would often panic and pretend to faint to get out of the situation. Though he was technically telling a lie here, he decided it would be the prime opportunity to employ some of the improvisational skills he had worked on with Carrie back in their theatre club.

“It was all very new,” he explained, “we weren’t sure if it was going to go anywhere and we didn’t want to tell everyone until we were sure.”

It was only at this point that Alex realised he was digging a very deep hole for himself and it was most certainly too late to climb out of it now.

“When do we get to meet him?” Reggie asked excitedly.

“You already have,” Alex replied.

A little voice in the back of his mind was saying, shut up, you absolute idiot, what the hell are you playing at? Perhaps stupidly, he drowned that voice out.

Looking dumbfounded, Luke clutched Alex’s shoulders again. “We have? Who is it?”

The little voice got louder – don’t say it, Alex, I’m begging you not to say it, it’s like you’re actively trying to ruin your own life, you absolute–

“Willie.”

In eery synchrony, Luke, Julie, and Reggie all looked to each other with identical expressions of shock and bewilderment and then turned back to Alex with furrowed brows.

“Willie?” they all chorused.

Alex pursed his lips and rocked on the balls of his feet, suddenly regretting every decision he’d made that had brought him to this point in his life. “Yep.”

“I thought your thing with him finished like six months ago?” Julie said.

“Well, there wasn’t really much of a thing to finish,” Reggie reasoned, “just Alex’s pining from afar that had lasted for like four years–”

“Yes, thank you, Reginald,” Alex interrupted. It wasn’t that Reggie was wrong, Alex just didn’t like how right he was. “And yeah, it did… I guess. But then we were hanging out together a few months ago and it was really nice and we started doing it more often and eventually he asked me on a date.”

Alex was overly aware that every word he had just said was an utter lie. Firstly, he had never really got over Willie – Willie wasn’t the sort of person you could just forget or move on from, even though Alex had never actually dated him. Secondly, Alex and Willie hadn’t actually hung out together alone in quite a while. Willie had been busy with their blossoming art career, going to different presentations and awards shows, trying to make a name for himself; Alex, on the other hand, had been doing his best to avoid dating anyone. And thirdly, Willie had never once asked Alex on a date.

He knew he should have backtracked, told them the truth, but he was in far too deep.

“This has been going on for a few months?” Luke said incredulously. “How have you kept it from us that long? Dude, you just let Reggie and I spend literally all our free time trying to find you a boyfriend!”

“I never asked you to do that.”

“You could have told us to stop,” Reggie said.

“I did,” Alex returned. “Several times.”

Julie raised her hands placatingly. “Okay, okay. That’s not important right now. What’s important is that Alex and Willie are finally together. Are you sure they’ll be alright with you telling us while he’s not here?”

Alex shrugged, trying to act like he wasn’t too sure (which was easy because he’d never been less sure of anything at any time in his life). “Umm… well… we haven’t really talked about it much, but… you know, I’m sure he won’t mind too much. I’ll tell them tonight.”

Julie smiled warmly. “Well, I’m happy for you in any case. It’s nice that you’ve finally got what you wanted for so long.”

“Amen to that,” Luke said, finally picking up his guitar. Alex had all but forgotten they were supposed to be practising instead of talking about his very fake relationship with Willie which Willie didn’t even know about. “And Reg and I can finally stop looking for someone.”

“Could’ve stopped before you’d even started,” Alex said, sitting down behind his drumkit, “but alright.”

He knew that sooner or later he would have to tell Willie what he’d done and he was absolutely dreading it. Willie was a very chill person and Alex knew they’d probably find it funny more than anything, but it was still a daunting prospect. But for now, he focused himself on his drums, hammering out all of that excess anxiety, and forgetting the absolute nightmare he’d created for himself just for a little bit.

It was nearing one o’clock in the morning and Alex was very much not ready to go to sleep. For one thing, he was still wearing his clothes instead of pyjamas, and for another he was pacing his room like a caged lion with anxiety and had been doing so for almost three hours. He was trying to build up the courage to call Willie and let him know what had gone on, but he was so nervous that he wasn’t sure he’d even be able to string a sentence together if Willie picked up the phone.

He knew he would just have to bite the bullet. He couldn’t put it off forever or it would end in disaster. For the thousandth time he reminded himself that Willie was the kindest, funniest, most good-natured person he knew and that he had nothing to be scared of when it came to telling them that he had made a massive, probably damning mistake. Willie would be fine with it, Alex knew.

Before he could dwell on it a second longer, Alex dialled Willie’s number and let it ring.

It only rang twice before Willie picked up. Even though it was late, Alex had known Willie would pick up (the guy hardly slept at all) and he fought the urge to tell him to go to bed.

“Morning,” Willie said chirpily.

Alex checked the time and blinked in surprise; he hadn’t realise how long he’d been pacing for.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” he said. “How come you’re still awake?”

“Mario Kart,” they replied. Alex could practically hear Willie’s smile – suddenly there were butterflies in his already anxious stomach and they certainly weren’t helping. “Why are you still awake? I thought your bedtime was half nine.”

“It hasn’t been in two years and you know that,” Alex said. Willie giggled brightly which teased a smile out of Alex. “I, uh… I actually need to talk to you about something that happened today.”

Just get on with it, he told himself, don’t drag it out.

“Oh?” Willie said. “What is it? You sound nervous – do you need me to come over?”

“No,” Alex told him, “it’s late – or maybe early. Either way, you don’t need to come all the way to my place just so I can tell you this.”

“It sounds serious.”

“It might be,” Alex admitted. “It depends on how you take it.”

There was a brief silence on the other end and for a moment Alex wondered if Willie had decided to end the conversation, but then they said, “Alright, let me just pause the game.”

Another short pause as Willie stopped mid-race. Alex took the opportunity to collect himself, shake out his nerves. It would be fine. Willie would be fine with it.

“Okay,” he said a moment later. “I’m back. What’s going on, hotdog?”

Alex scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck, suddenly unsure where to start.

“Okay,” he began uncertainly. “Well… Luke and Reg have been trying to set me up with someone for a while now and I’ve been trying to avoid it as much as I can. I’ve sort of run out of excuses and you know how difficult it is for me to say no to them.”

Willie hummed knowingly. “Like with the Great Cactus Robbery of 2019.”

Alex winced at the memory – he hadn’t realised cactus spikes hurt quite that much, but he’d gone through with a lot that night for Luke and Reggie’s sake.

“Don’t remind me,” he said witheringly. “Anyway, you know what I’m talking about then. They told me about another guy earlier today and I really needed another excuse to give them. I tried just point-blank telling them no, but then they started asking questions and…”

“And?” Willie prompted.

“I told them I was seeing someone,” Alex said. There was silence on the other end. “I told them I was seeing you.”

After a moment or two (that felt like an eternity) Willie burst out laughing. Alex sighed, affronted, but he supposed it was one of the better reactions he could have got. At least Willie wasn’t angry at him.

“Why?” Willie wheezed between laughs. “Was that seriously the first thing that came to your mind?”

“Yes,” Alex grumbled. “I was under a lot of pressure. You were the obvious choice.”

They giggled happily and Alex realised just how true those words had been – whether he liked it or not, Willie would always be the obvious choice for him.

“Well, I’m flattered,” they told him, blatantly trying to contain their giggles. “Thank you for thinking of me, hotdog.”

“You’re welcome,” Alex said. “But I’m sorry about it too. I’ve created an absolute mess and dragged you into it, so I understand if you’re angry at me.”

“Does it sound like I’m angry at you?”

“No?”

“That’s because I’m not,” Willie said kindly. “I get it, man, you just panicked. No big deal. Besides, we can ride this out easily.”

Alex blinked. “We can?”

“Sure, man, it’ll be fun. We’ll pretend to date for a few weeks, have a friendly breakup, and then everything can go back to normal.”

“You’re sure?” Alex checked. This hadn’t been what he was expecting – he’d thought Willie would say it didn’t matter but he needed to come clean. He hadn’t been expecting the offer of dating.

Fake dating, said that irritating little voice in his head. It’s not real. Don’t let yourself forget that.

“Of course I’m sure,” they said. “I mean, it’s totally cool if you don’t want to, but surely it’ll be easier than backtracking completely with the others. And it’ll get Reggie and Luke off your back for a little while longer.”

He considered it, weighing up the pros and cons. On one hand, he’d get to date Willie at last, something he’d wanted to do since he met him. It would give them more of a chance to hang out together, Luke and Reggie would stop pestering him, and it was always fun to harmlessly mess with his friends. On the other hand, he wasn’t sure his sentimental little heart could stand getting to date Willie and then having him taken away even if that was the arrangement from the very start.

But it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

“Alright,” he said resolutely. “I’m in.”

“Cool,” Willie returned happily. “Shall we meet tomorrow to discuss, you know, like, boundaries and stuff like that?”

“Sounds great. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He heard Willie press play on his game, the unmistakable sound of an item box being broken on Mario Kart.

“See you tomorrow, Alex,” Willie said. “Or maybe now we’re dating I should be calling you ‘babe’ or something.”

If that made Alex’s heart flutter, he wouldn’t say anything about it. “We’ll go over pet names tomorrow. Goodnight, Willie.”

“Goodnight, babe.”

As Alex put his phone down and launched himself into bed (still fully clothed but suddenly far too tired to even consider getting changed) he thought to himself that there probably couldn’t have been a better outcome.

Alex had expected the meeting with Willie to feel awkward and weirdly formal, but it was completely the opposite. Both of them were in high spirits the whole time, jokingly holding hands and making heart eyes at each other, laughing every time one of them used a particularly ridiculous pet name for the other. (When Alex had called Willie ‘sugarpoops’ he had thought they might die from laughing.)

But the meeting was productive too. They set some effective boundaries – any touching was allowed, just not too intimate; kissing was fine, but only to prove a point; and just for the fun of it they agreed they had to act like the most sickeningly in-love couple the world had ever known. Alex didn’t really care if that would give the whole thing away, it seemed like a bit of fun and it would be useful when it came to reminding himself that none of this was actually real.

That bit, he had to admit, still stung.

He and Willie had arranged to meet Luke, Reggie, and Julie at the studio that afternoon, so spent the day together beforehand. Just to try and get into the swing of things, they treated their morning together as a mini date. Alex took Willie to minigolf, then they went to an ice cream parlour, and after that Willie tried to teach Alex how to skateboard for fifteen minutes before Alex got too nervous and gave up. It was fun and Alex tried not to think about the fact that this was the reality he was missing out on – if he imagined he was just hanging out with Willie as a friend, which in a way he was, then it was just about bearable.

They arrived outside the studio together and they could hear the other band members’ voices already inside. Alex’s stomach started squirming nervously which he thought was weird. He didn’t actually have anything to be nervous about – he and Willie weren’t really dating.

But still, he was starting to feel a little bit queasy and was seriously considering just running away.

Then he felt Willie’s hand slip into his and their fingers lace together. He looked down at them and saw that he had a kind, soft smile on his face, gently encouraging.

“Ready to be my boyfriend, sweetheart?” Willie asked teasingly.

The nerves didn’t disappear, but Alex found it a lot easier to ignore them after that.

“Always,” he said. “Let’s do this.”

Without another moment’s hesitation, Alex pushed open the studio door and led Willie inside. Julie, Luke, and Reggie all hushed immediately and looked at the couple like they’d been caught red-handed. If their guilty expressions were anything to go by, they had been talking about Alex and Willie before they had walked in. He could only guess as to what they had been saying, but at that point Alex hardly thought it mattered.

It was showtime.

“Hey guys,” he said, grinning broadly. “What are you talking about?”

The three all responded at the same time but with wildly different answers.

“That gig next week,” blurted Luke.

“I lost my favourite hairclip,” Julie explained.

“I’m thinking of buying a horse,” Reggie told them.

Alex and Willie looked at each other, trying to hide their amusement.

“Anyway,” Julie said, “doesn’t matter what we were talking about! Because you’re here now, both of you! And you’re dating!”

Without warning, Willie giggled brightly and attached himself to Alex like a koala to a tree. Alex laughed and threw his arms around Willie, holding them tightly, pressing a firm kiss to the top of their head.

“I feels so good to finally have it out in the open,” Willie gushed, gazing at Alex with pure adoration in his eyes. “Right, sugarplum?”

Alex gently rubbed the tip of his nose against Willie’s, fighting the urge to laugh. “Of course, my little cheesecake.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Alex could see his friends’ expressions – he had to close his eyes so he wouldn’t be able to see them, otherwise he definitely would have broken character and started laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. Luke looked utterly horrified, like the display of affection was disgusting; Julie was staring at the two of them wide-eyed, her face flushed red, looking like she would rather be anywhere else; and Reggie just looked baffled.

After a while, Julie cleared her throat and the couple turned to look at her innocently.

“So,” she said, “we’ve heard Alex’s version of the story, but Willie – how did… all this happen?”

Willie linked his arm through Alex’s marched the two of them over to the couch and sat Alex down, then sat primly on his lap, laying their head against Alex’s shoulder. “I’m so glad you asked.”

“I’m not,” Luke muttered, “this is weird.”

Julie kicked his shin and he shut his mouth.

“I had been watching Alex from afar ever since we met, but I didn’t think a cool, handsome drummer could ever care about someone like me. I was convinced we would only ever be friends. But then we hung out together and I saw all these different sides to his personality – he’s so caring and soft, you know, and he means everything he says. Alex isn’t like anyone I’ve ever met. So I decided to just go for it, ask him out, admit how I feel.”

Alex stroked a hand through Willie’s hair, eyes fixed on him. “Since then we’ve never looked back. And we never will.”

“Oh, my darling!” Willie exclaimed, throwing themself at Alex and pressing a kiss to his lips.

It certainly wasn’t how Alex had envisioned his first kiss with Willie going (and he had envisioned a great many different versions of it) but in a strange way it felt just right. Sure, they weren’t dating, but they were hanging out together, having fun, being in each other’s company and loving every second of it. Maybe the circumstances weren’t exactly what Alex wanted, but the love they held for one another was still there, nothing could take that away.

So maybe it wasn’t the best decision he’d ever made, but Alex let himself get lost in the kiss. He didn’t know how many times he’d get to do this in his life, so he figured it was better to make the most of it. He blocked out the fact that his friends were right there (a sure sign that he wasn’t thinking straight – absently he knew that he would be very embarrassed by this when it was all over) and just focused on Willie.

And he was sure he wasn’t imagining the fact that Willie seemed to be enjoying it just as much.

When Julie eventually cleared her throat again, they separated. But Alex couldn’t take his eyes off Willie. He knew he wasn’t imagining what he’d felt in that kiss – like sparks had flown between them, forcing their dynamic into something much more than friendly banter and an inside joke. Willie’s eyes were glassy and he was breathing heavily, scanning Alex’s face for something, though Alex didn’t know what. All he knew was that the kiss had pushed the boundaries they had spent all morning setting and if he wasn’t more careful he would lose himself to this silly little charade.

The five of them spent the rest of the afternoon and evening just talking to each other. Willie stayed firmly planted in Alex’s lap and they both used the occasional cutesy nickname for each other, but it seemed as if both of them had silently made the decision to tone things down a little bit. Luke seemed relieved about it at least – for all the heart eyes he made at Julie he certainly seemed uncomfortable at the affection Alex and Willie had shown. It was probably because Alex hardly ever showed love like that in front of people.

But god, he wanted to do it all again.

Luckily, it didn’t seem like any of their friends suspected Alex and Willie of lying to them. By the time they were all on their way home – Alex and Willie walking away hand in hand – nobody had brought up the fact that it could all be fake.

“That went well,” Willie said as they walked along the seafront, heading back to his place. The cold night breeze lifted their hair and Alex couldn’t keep his eyes off them, not when they were looking so beautiful.

“Yeah,” he said, watching the way the amber glow of the streetlamps danced in Willie’s eyes. “It did.”

“Have you thought about how long we’re going to do this for?” Willie asked. Alex was sure he heard nervousness in Willie’s tone, maybe mingled with hope.

He shrugged. “A few weeks maybe. Unless you had something else in mind.”

“No, no, that’s fine, man.” They had arrived at Willie’s apartment building and stopped just outside of it. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah,” Alex said, smiling smally. “See you tomorrow.”

He didn’t know what he was thinking – he had expected a goodnight kiss from Willie, but instead he was left alone in the cold as Willie let go of his hand and hurried into the building. Alex was suddenly reminded again that it was all fake, that he shouldn’t have expected kisses when they were alone.

It hurt though. He knew that kiss earlier had been more than just top-notch acting.

He fell asleep that night, still thinking about it, the memory replaying on a loop in his mind. In one way or another, Willie was going to drive him crazy.

The next two weeks flew by. Alex found himself hanging out just with Willie more and more often, playing Mario Kart together at Willie’s insistence, going on more dates that weren’t actually dates, or even just video-chatting each other while doing their own separate things to enjoy the company.

After that first day as a “couple”, Alex was sure Willie’s confidence had been knocked. For the next few days they withdrew himself from Alex and Alex didn’t know if he’d done something wrong or if it was just something on Willie’s mind. Still, he let Willie work through it, and a few days later he was back to normal, clinging to Alex like a barnacle to a ship, calling him every pet name under the sun.

And still their friends were none the wiser.

The end of their time as a couple came all too quickly. Alex walked Willie back to his apartment again, a heaviness in his heart. He didn’t know how an actual breakup felt, but he was willing to bet that a breakup would be less painful than whatever this was. No part of him wanted to give this up, whatever silly little thing was going on between him and Willie – it was fun, it was freeing, it gave Alex a light feeling in his chest and made him so happy he thought he might burst at any moment. He didn’t want to give any of it up.

But still he walked Willie to his door.

They stood facing each other, hands interlinked between them, sad smiles on each of their faces. Alex tried to memorise every detail on Willie’s face as if it was the last time he would see them.

“This has been fun,” he said eventually, his voice low, quiet in the night air.

“You can say that again,” Willie agreed. “I loved being your boyfriend.”

“I loved being your boyfriend.”

Something flickered in Willie’s eyes, an expression gone too quickly for Alex to name, but it was quickly forgotten because a moment later Willie stood up on his tiptoes and kissed Alex.

It wasn’t like any of the other kisses they had shared in the past few weeks. There was nothing over-the-top and exaggerated about it, it wasn’t just a stunt they pulled to fool their friends. It was slow and soft and Alex felt the rest of his body go fuzzy and numb as all he could concentrate on was Willie’s lips on his.

An eternity later, Willie pulled away, his eyes scanning Alex’s face.

Alex swallowed heavily and said, “I thought we could only kiss each other to prove a point.”

Willie nodded. “Did I not get my point across very well? Do I need to kiss you again?”

Alex almost laughed but something stopped him. “Just… just explain it to me first. So I don’t get the wrong idea.”

“I loved being your boyfriend,” Willie said. “You enjoyed being my boyfriend. So… why should we stop?”

Alex felt his head spin. Somehow the nightmare he’d created for himself all those weeks ago was turning into a dream come true.

“You mean that?” he asked. “Tell me you mean that, Willie, please.”

“I mean it,” Willie said resolutely. “I’ve felt this way about you for too long just to let it go. If you want me then I want you. I want to date you, Alex. For real.”

Alex kissed him again, short but sweet.

“Is that a yes?” Willie asked, giggling.

“There’s no other answer I could have ever given.”

Even though they remained boyfriends (real ones this time), Alex and Willie decided to drop the over-the-top, lovey-dovey stuff. It was fun, but it wasn’t them. Instead, they chose to fill every second together with quiet declarations of love, casual dates, soft kisses, nothing that wasn’t real.

But they never did tell Luke, Reggie, and Julie how much of it had been fake.

Taglist (if you want to be added or removed just let me know): @ace-bookworm @williexmercer @boggie-brainrot @itstiger720 @the-reckless-and-the-brave @that-one-newsie @bluedarkness @lookingthroughmirrors @tmp-jatp @salty-star @julieandthequeers @lmaohuh @sunnysbright @sylphrenas @callmeontheleyline

68 notes · View notes

celticcrossanon · 3 years

Text

BRF Spread - 11th of March 2021

This is speculation only.

11th of March 2021

Question: What is behind the media stories of an olive branch?

Interpretation: Prince Harry is behind these stories. It is a strategy to force the Queen to make the choice to let PH and MM return as members of the Family (carriage rides, photo ops, balcony appearances etc), implemented by the media.

MM has done this before. This is the same as the media pieces saying that Doria was spending Christmas at Sandringham, that PH would return for Remembrance Day last year, and other stories of like ilk.

Detailed analysis following later.

Added: Prince Harry may not be the one behind this, but he is the most prominent figure and energy in this spread (The Hermit card = Virgo = Prince Harry, major arcana, only major arcana card in the spread). I am trying to be fair as I haven’t finished a detailed reading of all the cards yet.

===================================================

UPDATE

Interpretion: The articles about the Queen extending an olive branch are a PR strategy by Harry and Meghan to force the BRF to take them back and give them money, security, balcony appearances, carriage rides etc. Harry is the dominant energy in this spread.

The first card is the Six of Pentacles.

Here we see the craftsman Daedalus being rewarded for his work by King Minos.

For me, in this spread, this card is all about money and power. It tells me that Harry and Meghan used to be the recipient of the Queen's favours. Now they want to be the ones giving out the favours - the ones wearing the crown instead of the one asking for favours, and they also want to be rewarded for their work with lots of money (the pile of gold coins). They want to be both of the people in the image - the one in the crown with the power to grant money/favours, and the one receiving the money favours. They want to be both.

In the card, the craftsman (Daedalus) is paid for his work by the King. Harry and Meghan want to be paid for their work with lots of money, but the work will only generate money if they are part of the BRF (the King is the one holding the coins).

This card also raises questions. Who is paying the newspapers to say that the Queen is extending an olive branch to Harry? What favours have been bestowed/called in to get this story printed (or not printed)? The side of the throne is decorated with a tree. Someone in a position of power wanted this story out in the papers. The tree is a carving, artificial, not natural/real. This tells me that this story is an artificial construct.

The second card is the Hermit card.

This is the card of Virgo, and Virgo is the sun sign of Prince Harry. This article is all about Prince Harry. Notice that the article puts Harry in a position of power (the King on the throne) and HM the Queen as the supplicant (the one extending the olive branch/asking for a favour). Harry has the power to say yes or no, not the Queen.

The Hermit lives retired from the world. Here we see him wandering through the night. That tells me that this is something that was done in secrecy, not out in the light of day. The tree on the side of the throne confirms this, as it is hidden on the side, not on the back of the throne, facing the crowd, for all to see. Look at the bareness of the palace floor and the dry, cracked ground under the Hermit. This was an act designed to cause desolation, not growth. There is not fertility (green grass, flowers, trees etc) coming from this act. It is designed to hurt and not to heal. Hence the Hermit carries a scythe, the instrument of death.

As the Hermit is a major arcana card, and it is the only major arcana card in the spread, it is the dominant energy. This is all about Harry.

The third card is the Seven of Cups.

This card is about making decisions and choosing between different options. It shows Psyche, the soul, beseeching the goddess Aphrodite for the return of her husband. This is the same power imbalance and the same energy that we find in the first card, the Six of Cups. Someone is asking for a favour from a more powerful person. In the first card, the supplicant was given money, the reward for his labours. Here the supplicant is given nothing, while the goddess points to seven gold cups. The supplicant, Psyche, the soul, needs to make some choices. They want everything, but all the cups are not on offer. The goddess points to one only.

The supplicant kneels on a rocky outcrop, barren except for a few small patches of moss. The goddess, the person in power, stands in the rich and fertile sea. The supplicant is poor, barren, lacking in green growth, while the goddess is immersed in the fertile bounty of the sea. Here Harry is the supplicant. He is in a position of limited growth (only a few green mossy patches on his rock) and he wants access to the abundance of the Queen and the BRF.

Harry (and Meghan, as the two power/supplicant cards show a pair of men and a pair of women) want to regain their 'in' to the wealth of the BRF. They still want it all - all the cups - to be free to do what they want in America and have the BRF finance them, suppress the press for them, order the British police to pay for their security, etc. These are the seven gold cups. The Queen (the goddess) is saying 'No. You made a choice. You choose the cup of life in America, so that is what you get.' Harry is begging her to change her mind, but she points sternly to one cup. One cup, one choice. Harry and Meghan can not have it all.

The card is the suit of cups, which is the suit of emotions. This tells me that emotions are bound up in this decision. Harry could be playing on the emotions of the BRF to get what he wants - I am your grandson, family, I have mental health issues, you killed my mother etc.

The fourth card is the Ten of Pentacles.

This is the card of maximum wealth, security, and a happy family life. This is what Harry wants. This is the image that he has been pushing to the media in his PR stories. Look at the land behind the couple on the card - green, rolling hills, lots of water - to me that says fertility, abundance.

Harry wants to return to England and be part of that wealthy family. He wants the money, the paid security, the balcony appearances, the photo ops with senior royals, the carriage rides - all the trappings of royalty. However, Harry also wants to remain in America with his family. He wants the wealth and security oif the BRF and the freedom to do what he wants and make money in America. As per the card before, he wants all the golden cups.

In the picture on the card, the child is playing with a horse. The image of the Trojan Horse has been appearing in my mind since I first heard of this story. Someone, a child of the BRF - not a literal child, but someone below the Queen in the order of succession - is playing with the idea of turning the olive branch story into a trojan horse for Meghan and Harry.

In the card before, the Seven of Cups,the goddess, who represents the Queen, has her back to the Ten of Pentacles card. She stands in the way, blocking access to the wealth and security of the BRF. Harry is begging her to let him pass and enjoy those benefits.

The fifth card is the Knight of Wands.

This is an adult fire sign adult, possibly a Sagittarius person, but for me this card says Meghan Markle (a fire sign woman). This is a volatile, exuberant, headstrong person, prone to rushing in without thinking things through. They move very quickly, without giving thought to the consequences of their actions. They are good at generating ideas and 'spin' (as the suit of wands can represent PR), but bad at following through with the ideas and putting the work into them to make them manifest in the world. They often take up an idea and make noise about it to get attention, and they are easily bored.

The card shows the Knight rushing towards the Ten of Pentacles card, waving the fiery torch of PR. They are approaching from the opposite direction to the person in the Seven of Cups, behind the back of the goddess/the Queen. Below them lays the slian body of a Chimera, a mythical beast.

This tells me that Meghan Markle has created a slain monster (I escaped the evil BRF!) as part of her PR. She has created the monster (the evil BRf) and slain it (I escaped!) as part of her PR, and now she is using her mythical scars from this mythical battle (I was oppressed! Silenced! Kept a prisoner!) as part of her PR (the Chimera is a mythical beast, so the 'monster' is not real). She is doing this to force her way back into the BRF, and she is using PR (the torch) to do the forcing. This is going on behind the Queen's back, i.e. the accusations have come out of nowhere. It is an impulsive and foolish decision, and Meghan has not thought through the consequences.

The underlying energy card is the Queen of Swords.

This can be an air sign adult, and/or an adult who is employing thought/strategy to get what they want. For me, here, it is about the use of strategy to get your way. The suit of swords is the air suit, and air is all about thoughts, nit emotions. These thoughts/strategy are fixed on a certain aim, and emotions have no part in the process. The people involved in this strategy do not care about who they hurt as long as they get their way/achieve their aim. Emotions may be used and manipulated as part of the strategy, but there is no softness or caring in the strategy makes - only the cool, hard focus on the end result.

In the card, The Queen is sitting on barren ground. She is pouring water from a jug onto the ground. The water is not from a river or stream, there is no attempt to cultivate the ground. Instead the water is carried from another source and poured onto the barren ground of the Queen's existence. This tells me that Harry and Meghan do not want to work for their money (cultivate the ground and make it fertile). Instead, they want to gain wealth from other sources (the water in the jug) and pour it onto the barren ground of their lives.

In conclusion:

The articles about the Queen extending an olive branch are part of a PR strategy by the Harkles to gain access to the perks of being a working member of the BRF without doing the work. It is a two pronged attack, with Meghan creating a mythical monster out of the BRF and then slaying the created monster with her interview, thus putting her in the position of a hero with respect to the BRF, and Harry using emotional manipulation and playing on his family ties. The Queen has blocked Harry but is now being attacked from behind by Meghan.

75 notes · View notes

gertruderobinsonscat · 4 years

Text

Thoughts

I keep thinking about Martin asking Jon about if he had known that his death would free the other assistants would he have done things differently. I see a lot of people reading negative intent in that question and giving him hell for adding to Jon’s survivor’s guilt, but it hit very differently for me. Granted, I think it was a thoughtless and tactless question to ask, and goes along with the theme of Martin not registering Jon’s emotional state, whether willful blindness or whatever.

Sorry if this is incoherent, I’m still trying to put my thoughts in order.

I know the answer to us seems pretty obvious--of course Jonathan “hold my rib while I throw myself in an eldritch coffin” Sims would sacrifice himself to save his friends. Of course Jonathan “It was my fault that a grown ass man who bullied a literal child got eaten by an eldritch spider” Sims doesn’t value is own life. But I don’t think it’s obvious to Martin. I remember his conversation with Daisy in season four, how he didn’t *get* why Jon kept throwing himself into danger, why he couldn’t “stay safe for five minutes”. As mentioned, he currently seems to have trouble grasping just how much guilt and self-loathing Jon is dealing with. In his eyes Jon is a victim who deserves “to get his murder on” and seek revenge from the creatures that have hurt him. We know from the trailer he has been trying to convince Jon it wasn’t his fault.

I’m not sure how much Martin knows or understands about why Jon chose to come back. I’m not sure how much Jon knows. He says it was because he was afraid to die, and while I’m sure that’s true he hasn’t let that stop him from repeatedly risking his life if he thought he could save someone else. Part of this is just my own headcanon, but I do think a huge motivation for coming back was because Martin begged him to, and if he had known how he would’ve done it right then. I know part of it is the format and a way to have a trailer for the upcoming season, but it is still significant that the only times the tape recorders turned on/started manifesting while Jon was comatose was when Elias came to do his evil monologue, Martin saying that he needed Jon and begged him to come back, and Oliver spelled out what he needed to do and sacrifice if he wanted to live.

Tying into their current situation. Martin isn’t stupid, he’s good at intuiting how the Fears work, I’m sure it’s occurred to him--with all the talk of Jon being the lynchpin that brought the fears into the world and now this conveniently timed info that Jon’s death had the power to free the others--that the key to saving the world might involve sacrificing Jon. And that’s not an option for Martin. He was working with Peter in season 4 not out of a heroic urge to save the world or even save the others, but because he was hoping to get killed. He then admits that Jon coming back was the thing that changed that, gave him a reason to keep going. I think if the Big Bad told Martin that it’s Jon or the world he would choose Jon over the world.

And it’s not because he’s selfish or callous or doesn’t care about other people. He’s shown over and over to be kind and caring of people even when he has no reason to be or when it ultimately does no good. If he had to make the opposite choice--if someone said he could save Jon and himself and live happily forever free from pain but had to destroy the world to do it--I don’t think he could pull a Jonah Magnus and go that route either. I have some messy, confused thoughts about how he and Jon are at the opposite end of the spectrum from Gertrude’s ruthless pragmatism of “willing to sacrifice a few to save the many”.

So I took Martin’s question to be not “would you have sacrificed yourself” guilt trip but rather a fearful “If you had known you could save the others would have given up? Would you have left me?” and even if it hasn’t fully taken shape in his mind yet a testing of the waters. “If the solution to our ‘doomed quest’ involves you sacrificing yourself, will you leave me?”

#tma #jonmartin #meta i guess

307 notes · View notes

athenagrantnash · 3 years

Note

lmao the person who only mentioned bobby once to try to defend why they don’t like taylor and taylor and bobby being friends, also was talking about how it’s weird that we want him to relapse this season, (as if they haven’t been BEGGING for eddie to have ptsd) idk about y’all but i don’t want him to, i expect him to because he was shot in the freaking stomach, and he’s an recovering addict and an alcoholic, so it’s actually waaaay more realistic for him to relapse this season then *coughs* eddie having ptsd *coughs* because there’s no way that he was gonna heal with that shot to the stomach, without taking drugs.

also they were talking about how ptsd rarely gets shown in tv shows and that’s why they wanted eddie to have ptsd, and i just stopped reading for a sec because…we have maddie who has ptsd, and was shown dealing with everything that happened after doug, and then we now have athena who’s dealing with her ptsd this season, like 911 isn’t afraid to show if a character has ptsd, so why would they be ignoring eddie and his “ptsd” ?? oh because he doesn’t have ptsd..🙄

sorry for the rant, it’s just irritating as i have people in my family who are alcoholics, and so it’s nice to see that just because bobby is sober doesn’t mean he’s disease just magically disappears, so im really sensitive about this subject, and to see people almost kinda just dismiss it really irritates me

I mean I actively WANT Bobby to relapse because 1) he deserves a huge arc like that and 2) I love me some angst. But personal desire aside, as you said, it makes WAY TOO MUCH SENSE for them not to!

Like the s4 finale would have been just as tense if Bobby was held hostage at gunpoint WITHOUT getting shot. Athena would still have gotten her big moment. The only reason TO shoot him is to give him this arc!

And yeah I'm sorry but... ptsd arcs are no rarity. And I'd much rather see them performed by Angela and Jen, because unlike Ryan they are people who actually know how to make more than one singular expression. You could SEE the layers of their pain and trauma, you could SEE how hard they were trying to hold it together all while completely falling apart. These two actresses are literally incredible.

Meanwhile... according to Eddie stans, apparently the expression someone has when having a panic attack is the same expression that they have when they are shocked and startled because they've just been shot, which is also the exact same expression they have when they're constipated. The Range of Eddie... I guess.

Honestly? My deepest hope is that they are only doing this as a way to just write him out of the show. Because the ratings don't lie, and Every. Single. Time an episode is promoted as being Eddie-centric it FAILS! Eddie stans keep going on and on about how season 5 is the "season of Eddie", and the premiere was the premiere episode with the LEAST AMOUNT OF LIVE VIEWS in the history of the show. The season 4 finale, which directly sprang from Eddie getting shot, was ALSO the least viewed finale! Eddie doesn't bring an audience, he just doesn't. Nobody cares about him outside the internet, and if they even remember he exists they don't even remember his name! All they remember him as is "Christopher's dad"! So maybe the writers have learned their lesson, but they're making sure to give him a nice big exit so that his ending doesn't feel too rushed. I don't know... but that's my dearest wish.

But literally? This arc would have been a million times better if it was about anybody else. Buck having a panic attack over the shooting stuff? Hell yeah! Oliver is imo the second worst of the cast (still miles better than Ryan though) and even as the second worst he would legitimately bring SO MUCH NUANCE to a scene like that. Literally any of the cast could. But Ryan just looked constipated, and didn't even fall in a way that looked normal. He just wiggled his legs around while making a constipated expression.

But yeah... my hope that this is their way of writing him out of the show is the only way I can sit through the horribly acted, contrived, terribly written, AWFUL arc they've got going for him.

Also definitely feel free to rant, I 100% understand the need for that

#ask me a question #angry gremlin thoughts

4 notes · View notes

saiilorstars · 3 years

Text

Falling in Temptation

Previous chapters • Sequel to Stars Dance • Fairy Tale Memoirs (Companion story)

Ch. 28: The Wedding of a Lifetime

Fandom: Doctor Who // Pairing: 11th Doctor x OFC

Chapter summary: Time is ripping apart until the Doctor dies at Lake Silencio but before he can make it happen, he has to make the Ponds understand, including one determined Avalon and her mother.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @perfectlystiles

[If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

The Doctor, the Reynolds sisters, the Ponds, and River had a picnic set up near a silent lake in Utah. They had toasted and ate together, spending a nice afternoon. Everything was going fine, according to plan...and then the astronaut appeared in the middle of the lake.

"Oh, my God!" River had jumped up to her feet, prompting the others to do the same.

"What's going on?" Avalon looked around, feeling like it was some sort of trap. But that couldn't be right, the Doctor was the one who sent the letters. He'd never bring them into a trap!

"You all need to stay back. Whatever happens now, you do not interfere," the Doctor instructed them all as he stood up."Clear?"

Avalon opened her mouth to refuse but she saw the same silhouette she'd seen moments ago up at the dunes again. "Woah..." she blinked, "I...remember that, now. I-I think I've seen it before..." It looked like a creature but she wasn't entirely sure. The sun kept blocking it.

The Doctor tore her gaze away from the figure, not even bothering to look at it himself. As long as he did what they wanted, Avalon would leave the lake unharmed. "Ava, you listen to me right now," he set his hands on her arms, "You have to be careful, okay? You should..." he swallowed hard, struggling to say his words, "...you should stay away from me." Because the truth was, if she hadn't gotten all tangled up with him, she would've never been taken at Demons Run. That was their sad truth.

But of course Avalon wouldn't understand that, whether she was from the past or the future she would never agree with him.

"What?" she blinked, surprised at his urgency that had come out of nowhere. "Why would I do that?"

"Because it's the best thing you could've done," he whispered with genuine regret. He'd been too weak to stay away from her. He knew the consequences and yet he'd still fallen in temptation. "If I could change one thing it's this...you..." He gave her one last look before kissing her forehead and walked for the astronaut.

The Doctor walked a bit slowly but steadily towards the lake. He literally could not be late for this. He came face to face with the astronaut and solemnly stared at its visor. "Hello. It's OK, I know it's you," he spoke quietly, watching the visor finally raise up. "I know the choices that brought you here...I figured it out."

With the visor gone he could now see the young River Song inside. He'd worked it out a long time ago. It would always either be River or Avalon in the suit but how would Kovarian choose? She wouldn't. Her choosing would take the fun out of the whole thing. Making them choose would be the better option. It was why Avalon had her memories wiped and returned to them in Berlin. Doing that secured the secret identity of the astronaut and leave River to commit the crime.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, they made me," River was in tears, completely frantic and panicked. "They had an older Avalon and...they gave me a choice." She swallowed hard, still getting flashes of the last moments she saw Avalon and Oliver. It would take a long time for her to get over it. "Either I got into the suit...or she did. They killed her father in front of her," River scrunched her face as new tears fell down her face. The Doctor's eyes widened with genuine shock. The mystery of Oliver Reynolds' death had been solved. "If I don't do this they'll kill Avalon on sight," River's voice broke as she tried to look around from her helmet, "The Silence is here, watching her and me. I've been warned not to do anything, or they'll kill her."

"It's okay," the Doctor tried to make her see he was being honest, "I love her, and if it takes me dying to keep her safe, alive and free, then so be it."

"Please, just RUN!" River begged, "I can't stop it. The suit's in control."

"You're not supposed to. This has to happen."

"Please, just listen, just run!"

"I did run," the Doctor nodded, "Sacrificed a life with a very important woman for that. And look where I am now? Here."

"I don't want to be a murder," River nearly broke down, "My own daughter is going to hate me. Run."

"It's OK, she'll forgive you," the Doctor sighed.

"No! She won't! Her father's dead because of me and now you will be too!"

"But they erased her memory, you can tell her what happened. How you took the place they were going to force upon her," the Doctor insisted, "Tell her it was inevitable: this is where I die. This is a fixed point, this must happen, this always happens. Don't worry...you won't even remember this. Look over there," he turned very slightly at the others who were staring at them.

"That's me," River said in horror, "How can I be there?"

"That's you from the future. Serving time for a murder you probably can't remember. My murder."

"Why would you do that? Make me watch?"

"So that you know this is inevitable. And you are forgiven," the Doctor looked back at her, "Always and completely forgiven."

River struggled as her arm raised on its own. "Please, just go! Take my daughter and run!"

"I can't," the Doctor shook his head.

"Time can be rewritten."

"Don't you dare. Goodbye, River," the Doctor shut his eyes to wait for the end. There were five gunshots that made him jerk but he quickly realized that no part of him had been injured. He cracked open one eye and found River smirking at him.

"No one tells me what to do," she informed the very words her daughter would one day say as well.

"What have you done!?" the Doctor asked in terror, now fearing the consequences.

"Well... I think I just drained my weapon systems," River shrugged and became urgent, "Now take Avalon and get the hell out of here!"

"But this is fixed. This is a fixed point in time!"

"Fixed points can be rewritten..."

"No, they can't, of course they can't, who told you?!" but the Doctor never received an answer as a flash of light changed the course of time.

~ 0 ~

While the Doctor had relayed the events of his death to Winston Churchill, they'd somehow moved rooms without even noticing. That would not be strange if it wasn't for the fact that the Doctor was supposed to be an imprisoned soothsayer, even completing the role with the tattered clothes and the beard and longer hair. But as he kept telling the story, he found he'd acquired a pike from somewhere while Winston had taken out his own weapon, a gun.

"Gunsmoke. That's gunsmoke!" Winston had gotten the scent and looked at his gun in horror, "I appear to have fired this."

"We seem to be defending ourselves," the Doctor realized and was now more alarmed since the room they were in seemed completely empty.

"I don't understand..."

"The creatures that lead the Silence. Remarkable beings...they're memory-proof," the Doctor started to slowly backtrack out of the room with Winston.

"But what does that mean?" the man asked with utter confusion.

"You can't remember them. The moment you look away, you forget they were ever there..." the Doctor noticed a black tally mark on his left wrist, "Don't panic. In small numbers, they're not too difficult. Of course that was before he saw his right arm covered in the tally marks. He slowly turned his head up, making Winston do the same, and saw a swarm of Silence on the ceiling like bats, all looking down at them.

The Doctor stiffened as he heard a beeping noise coming behind them, followed by the noise of something dropping to the floor. He turned and saw a small black device, "Go!" he shouted and jumped out of the way with Winston as the device spewed out smoke then exploded.

"Go! Go!" went the voice of a soldier as an entire group of them burst into the room, "Keep the Silents in sight at all times, keep your eye drives active."

A woman dressed in a black suit walked into the room, casual as ever. She seemed to be coming directly for the Doctor. He squinted through the smoke to get a better look at her but there was simply too much smoke around.

"Who are you? Identify yourself!" Winston called with his gun already aimed at the figure.

"Lena Emilia Reynolds," the brunette woman flashed a smile as she stepped in front of the two men, "Put the gun down, you can hurt someone with that."

"Baby sister!" the Doctor exclaimed and pushed the gun down, "She's on our side, it's OK."

"There we go," Lena watched the gun be put down entirely before she whipped out her own.

The Doctor had noticed she was wearing one of the Silence eye-patches over her eye, "No! Lena, why are you wearing that?"

"Hush now," Lena said then fired her gun at the Doctor, knocking him out cold next.

~ 0 ~

Upon the Orient Express train, the Doctor woke up on a couch inside an office. He looked around and only heard the sounds of a radio broadcasting, "The Government has again apologized for extensive radio interference caused by solar flare and sunspot activity."

Once he was more lucid, he noticed Amy standing at the doorway of the room, making him spring back to life. "Amy!"

"Those stun guns aren't fun, I'm sorry. I told Lena it was best to avoid a long conversation," Amy walked further into the room, "You need to get up though, we'll be in Cairo shortly."

"Amy Pond!" the Doctor said in panic, "Amelia Pond from Leadworth, please, listen to me. I know it seems impossible, but you know me. In another version of reality you and I were best friends. We traveled together, we had adventures. Amelia Pond! You grew up with a time rift in the wall of your bedroom. You can often see what others can't, you can remember things that never happened - well, most of the time!" He picked up the first thing near his hand which happened to be a crafted miniaturized TARDIS. "And if you try, if you really, really try, you'll be able to..." And then he realized what he was holding, "Oh...oh!" He started taking notice of the many drawings pinned up on the wall, as well as clearly written stories on paper, "...oh." His voice dimmed a bit as he recognized the perfect, cursive writing.

"You look rubbish," Amy knew what had stopped his excitement from coming on.

"...you look wonderful," the Doctor set down the TARDIS without looking at her.

"So do you," Amy picked up a hanger which held the Doctor's usual attire.

The Doctor smiled slightly at that and took it from her, "Geronimo," he whispered.

~ 0 ~

A couple minutes later the Doctor was fully changed and shaved, though there was still the matter of a proper haircut left, "OK, you can turn round now. How do I look?"

Amy turned from her desk and rolled her eyes, "Cool."

"Really?"

"No."

The Doctor sighed and walked around the room, "Cool office though. Why do you have an office?! Are you a special agent boss lady? Not sure about the eye patch.

"It's not an eye patch," Amy shook her head, "Time's gone wrong. Some of us noticed. There's a whole team of us working on it... You'll see."

"And you've got an office on a train, that is so cool," the Doctor beamed, "Can I have an office? Never had an office before! Or a train. Or a train slash office."

Amy laughed and went over to hug him, "God, I've missed you!"

"OK, hugging and missing now," the Doctor pulled away and glanced back at the doorway, "Where is...everyone?"

"You mean Lena, Avalon, and Rory," Amy recited like she'd memorized the names with struggle, "Baby sister," she pointed at the Time Lord, "Granddaughter, and my husband," she ran back to her desk and picked up a sketch, "This is Rory, right?" She held the sketch to him that was really more like a stick figure. "I've no idea, I can't find him. I love him very much, don't I?"

The Doctor took the sketch from her and studied it, "Apparently."

"I have to keep doing this. I have to keep writing and drawing things," Amy put a hand on her head, "I mean, Lena I see and I know who Avalon is, but Rory? I can't remember him cos I don't know him..." she leaned against her desk and sighed.

"It's not your fault, time's gone wrong," the Doctor moved over to sit beside her, "Do you remember why?"

"The lakeside."

"Lake Silencio, Utah. I died."

"But then you didn't," Amy pointed, "I remember it twice, different ways."

"Two different versions of the same event, both happening in the same moment. Time split wide open. Now look at it," the Doctor pointed out the window, "All of history happening at once."

"Does it matter?" Amy raised an eyebrow, "I mean can't we just stay like this?"

"Time isn't just frozen. It's disintegrating. It will spread and spread and all of reality will simply fall apart."

There was a knock on the door and a soldier, Rory, leaned in, "Ma'am, we're about to arrive. Eye drives need to be activated as soon as we disembark."

Lena came in behind him, "And they say there's been alterations just with his closeness," she nodded to the Doctor, a bit confused by the smiling man. He kept smiling at her even though she hadn't done anything.

"Thank you," Amy said to them both.

"Hello," the Doctor waved at them.

Rory and Lena looked at each other, both questioning why the man was so happy in a situation like this. Still, Lena didn't want to be rude and gave a response, "Hello, nice to meet you," she even smiled and headed out of the room with Rory.

"It's weird," Amy remarked when the two were gone, "I know who Lena is, Avalon knows who she is, River knows who she is...but Lena doesn't know. It kills Avalon but she doesn't want to make things worse by giving Lena this whole backstory that might freak her out." She glanced at the Doctor since he'd given no response to that. Every time she mentioned her granddaughter's name, he got silent and...quite sad. "Why are you older? If time isn't really passing, then how can you be ageing?"

"Time's still passing for me. Every explosion has an epicenter. I'm it... I'm what's wrong."

"What's wrong with you?"

"I'm still alive," the Doctor sighed in resignation. Two hundred years might just be going down the drain if he didn't get things fixed asap.

~0 ~

Rory was leading Amy and the Doctor towards a room where they apparently had trapped Silents in. However, there was a bit of reluctance to keep going from Rory due to the Doctor's eye drive still not being used. The Time Lord was studying the eye drive in his palm with disgust.

"You have to put it on, sir," Rory said for the last time as they walked down a staircase.

"An eye patch. What for?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"It's not an eye patch," Amy wondered if she'd have to force the eye drive on the man at this point.

"It's an eye drive, sir," Rory went on to explain, "It communicates directly with the memory centres of the brain, acts as external storage."

"Only thing that works on them. Because no living mind can remember these things," Amy reminded, "So please, just put it on. We're about to enter."

They entered the room bathed in a blue glow to find Avalon inside, staring at the chambers that held the Silents prisoners. She didn't notice them as she was too busy studying them.

"You're looking at me, you're always looking at me," she whispered and placed a hand on the glass of one chamber, "I don't understand..."

"Avalon, get away from there!" Amy yelled as soon as they'd entered the room.

Startled, Avalon turned from the chambers to face the group, "I was only looking..." She said as her defense, a lazy thumb pointed at the chambers.

"And touching," Rory stalked up to her and pulled her away from the chambers, "There are strict orders for you—"

"Shut up," she pointed then looked past him to Amy and the Doctor, her change of attitude evident once her eyes settled on the Doctor.

The Doctor had no idea what to expect from her. Like Amy, Avalon remembered the events happening in two different ways. She was more aware than them, actually, and if she remembered what happened before Kovarian sent her to Berlin, she could be a ticking time bomb of feelings.

Avalon said nothing to him for a few seconds but suddenly she was running towards him. He barely had time to open his arms to catch her when she threw herself on him. Her arms wrapped tightly around his for fear that he would slip away from her again. "You're still here," she eventually looked up at him with a big smile on her face.

"Yes, well, you can't really plan around River Song," the Doctor muttered, but he still gave her a smile. How could he not smile at her?

"Um, ma'am," Rory called to Amy suddenly, his gaze intently watching the Silence. "They're looking at him."

At his words, the Doctor and Avalon shifted to see the creatures moving just to watch him.

"It would appear so," the Doctor agreed. His arm around Avalon gripped her waist tighter. "What are the tanks for?"

"They can draw electricity from anything, it's how they attack. The fluid insulates them," Rory explained and turned around for the other chambers to see the creatures also staring at the Doctor, "And I don't like the way they're looking at you."

"Me neither..."

"Ma'am, I'm sure it's nothing, but I should check it out. They haven't been this active in a while," Rory said to Amy then called to the soldiers by the stairs, "You two, upstairs, check all the tank seals. Then the floors above, get everyone checking."

"Sir!" the soldiers filed out of the room.

"You go ahead, Ma'am," Rory looked at Amy, "And Avalon, for the love of God, don't touch the tanks."

Avalon rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah," she waved him off.

"Do you remember him?" the Doctor had to ask her in a whisper as Amy spoke to Rory.

"He's my best friend but Amy doesn't know him," Avalon nodded. "I know Lena's here too...but you know who I can't find? Apart from my uncle Ryland and Gavin? The Sapling. I know that we...we gave him life…" She said awkwardly, blushing afterwards. "But he's not here."

"He might not exist, Ava," the Doctor said with a quiet sigh. "Not everyone's made it to this reality and even if they did, some of them are disappearing, disintegrating."

"We're going to fix it though," Avalon assured him. She curled an arm around his neck and played with his longer hair at the nape of his neck. "I like this new do."

"Yeah?" The Doctor tilted his head slightly. Suddenly they weren't in the middle of a disintegrating reality, they were just spending time together.

"Mhm, there's definitely more pull," Avalon's smirk widened as soon as he stammered. "C'mon," she took his hand and called for Amy to join them. However, before they could enter, the Doctor pulled back for a moment, claiming there was something he had 'check on'. Avalon could see through his lie but he kept looking back where Rory had walked through so she let it be.

Amy lifted her jacket's lapel and spoke into her comm. "We're in. He's on his way. Be on red alert."

A short moment later, the Doctor was back and they were heading into the main chamber of Area 51: a pyramid. Time was so wrong.

The room was filled with high tech machinery. It was a sophisticated laboratory with many scientists working at every post. Upon entering, they overheard one of the scientists, a woman named Kent, informing a woman whose back was to the trio, "You were right. Just his presence in the building caused the loop to extend by nearly four chronons."

The Doctor spotted the bushy, curly haired woman the scientist was speaking to. He glowered. "River Song, what a mess you have made!" He had more to say but everything stopped when River turned around and he saw how pregnant she was. The astronaut suit was big for a reason and now they knew why. "You're…"

"Pregnant?" River rested a hand on her stomach, "Yes, I've noticed. Quite frankly, I'm surprised you did too. I've heard stories." She stepped aside to reveal Kovarian bound to a chair behind.

"The death of time. The end of time. The end of us all," Kovarian swayed her head tiredly, "Oh, why couldn't you just die?"

"Did my best, dear. I showed up," the Doctor said with a deep glower marking his face. He had felt Avalon's hand flinch in his the moment they saw Kovarian. She remembered her time with the woman too.

"You're a fool," spat Kovarian. "All of you are. None of you can see that what I'm doing is for the better of the universe. I'm from the future, if you've all forgotten. I know what happens to all of you."

The Doctor scowled at the woman. "Be quiet," he ordered. He was already going to die so she didn't have to bring in any more of his friends.

"But I do," she smirked. "Your friends will die, Doctor—"

"I said quiet!" the Doctor's voice was hard enough to make Avalon flinch beside him.

"—and you'll meet the girl I tried my best to stop you from reaching—"

"STOP!" the Doctor's command made no effect.

"—and then your precious littlest Pond will die in the fields of Trenzalore—"

"What the hell is that?" Avalon tried her best to sound brave but the truth is that she was scared out of her mind. "I'm going to d—"

The Doctor let go of her hand to stalk up to Kovarian. "I SAID SHUT UP!" he yelled in her face, now utterly furious. He had no idea what she was talking about and he doubted that it was true. It was utter nonsense!

"Doctor!" Amy called to him.

He turned around to see Avalon's widened, teary eyes. Immediately, he let Kovarian slip his mind. "Ava, hey..." he hurried back to her and wrapped her up in a hug.

Meanwhile, Kovarian smirked at everyone who dared look at her. She had said her peace and now they would wallow in the truth.

"You're going to be okay," the Doctor promised Avalon and set a kiss on her head.

"You mean because you're going to die?" she looked up at him.

He didn't want to answer that and start a whole new round of arguing. Instead, he answered with a different subject in mind. ""Love what you've done with the pyramids. How did you swing all this?"

"Hallucinogenic lipstick," River shrugged and glanced at Avalon, "Apparently, it worked wonders on President Kennedy."

"Excuse me?" it was the Doctor's turn to glare at Avalon.

"Oh shut up, she said I couldn't do it so I had to do it," Avalon rolled her eyes. River stared at her with pursed lips. "Stop looking at me," Avalon snapped and avoided her mother's gaze at all costs.

"Ah, so you remember…" the Doctor looked between the two, his eyes lowering to River's stomach, Avalon doing the same.

"It's plain weird what that is," she said quietly before meeting River's gaze. "And she is not my mother."

"Avalon, I've tried explaining everything but you won't let me," River sighed. She had lost count how many times she tried having the conversation with her.

"And yet you don't seem to take the hint!" Avalon snapped. "The only reason I am working with you is because of him!" She nodded her head at the Doctor.

"Ava," he tried to calm her down but she yanked her hand out of his when she realized it.

"No! This is one thing you can't fix, Fairy Tale Man! I don't want her! Soon as I'm…" She looked at River's stomach again, "...born, she's going to abandon me."

"I would never," River found it hard not to snap. She was the mother, she had to control herself and make Avalon see the truth. "That's why I'm doing all of this."

"River, as much as I sympathize with you right now...we can't let this continue," the Doctor said. "Reality is fatally compromised. Tell me you understand that."

"I do," River nodded and moved around the room like it was a casual Friday.

"I am alive and because of that time is dying," the Doctor reiterated, annoyed his words were flying in through one of her ears and coming out the other, "Because of you, River."

"Because I refused to kill you and set in motion my daughter's history?"

"I'm sorry but it has to be done!" The Doctor glared at River and the moment Amy say it, she shouted for the soldiers.

"Get him!"

The soldiers ran through the room just as the Doctor reached out for River. They pulled him away from her.

"I'm not a fool, sweetie. I know what happens if we touch," River said. The Doctor mocked a smile then lunged at the woman, managing to grab her wrist that time, "Get off me, get him off me!" She cried.

Avalon dashed to help and tried prying the Doctor off her, "You have to let her go!"

Across the room Kent checked the monitor that held the time, "It's moving. Time's moving!" she called

"Get him off me!" River hollered.

"I'm sorry, River, it's the only way!" the Doctor held onto her tightly and for a brief moment they were back at Lake Silencio.

"Enough!" Avalon gave the final cry as the Doctor was pulled away from them by some soldiers, "We need to restrain him," she resolved and looked at River who nodded in agreement.

"Cuff him," River ordered.

"Oh, why do you always have handcuffs?" the Doctor whined as his hands were pulled behind him to be cuffed, "It's the only way. We're the opposite poles of the disruption. If we touch, we short out the differential, time can begin."

"And I'll be by a lakeside, killing you," River nodded, "While I'm pregnant with..." her eyes flickered to Avalon.

"Shut up," Avalon ordered and looked away.

"And time won't fall apart. Reality will continue," the Doctor added, "There isn't another way."

"I didn't say there was," River sadly said, "But right here, right now, you're alive and so is she. Maybe this is not that bad?"

"It's very bad," the Doctor corrected but side-glanced Avalon with a soft smile. "I would love to spend my life with you but Time will literally run out on us. It's not possible."

Avalon tilted her head at him, smiling so lovingly at him like no one else had. "Let's go then."

The Doctor laughed lightly. "Where to?"

Avalon remembered this conversation perfectly from their first date. "Neverland." Her heart even fluttered the same way it had on that day.

Avalon hummed while she thought about such an outrageous place that even he couldn't make it happen. "I got it. Can you take me to, I don't know, Neverland?" That had to be impossible for him to reach.

"I'd make it so," the Doctor gently tugged Avalon to him, smiling at her soft laughter. "I would!"

It seemed like the Doctor remembered as well because he looked at her with a softened face. "I'd make it so," he whispered. Avalon felt the tears welling in her eyes.

Amy flinched when something cold hit her face. She realized it was a drop of water. "Doctor...what's that?" She made everyone look up to the ceiling. More water was dripping down.

"The pyramid above us. How many Silents do you have trapped inside it?" The Doctor swallowed hard once he realized what was happening.

"None," Kovarian answered the question, getting everyone's attention, "They're not trapped, they never have been. They've been waiting for this, Doctor... For you."

At that moment, Rory and Lena burst in from the doors. "They're out! All of them!" Lena shouted in terror.

Quickly, Rory and some other soldiers placed a thick plank of wood across the doors to bar them from the Silence.

"Lena, over here!" Avalon immediately ushered her sister to her side.

Rory rushed to Amy. "Ma'am, my men out there, should be able to lock this down, we have them outnumbered."

"And you're wearing eye drives based on mine, I think," Kovarian once again grabbed everyone's attention. She was smirking far too widely for their taste. "Oops!"

"What do you mean?" the Doctor inquired, equally confused as the others.

As if to answer on cue, Kent started screaming as her eye drive electrified her. She soon collapsed on the floor. Amy ran towards her body and dropped beside her to check her vitals. "She's dead," Amy looked up in horror, also catching Rory having to remove a soldier's eye drive for the same reasons.

Then the Doctor started feeling his own eye drive shock him, "Eye pads off, now, remove them!"

Avalon made sure Lena had hers off then rushed to help the Doctor take his off. "No, no, yours!" He told her, flapping his bound wrists in front of her. With a groan, she ripped her eye drive off her first then his.

"The Silence would never allow an advantage, without taking one themselves. The effects will vary from person to person... either death or debilitating agony. But they will take you all, one by one..." Kovarian's laugh was short lived when her own her eye drive started buzzing with electricity. "What are you doing? No, it's me…" She flinched in her chair each time she was shocked. "Don't be stupid, you need me. Stop it, stop that!"

"We could stop this right now, you and I," the Doctor called to River, dead serious. This was getting even more dangerous and he didn't think it was possible since Time was dying.

"Get it off me!" Kovarian cried in agony.

"Amy, tell her!" the Doctor insisted since River was keeping quiet.

"We've been working on something," Avalon spoke up instead. "The only reason i'm in the same room as River is because of this. Please, just let us show you."

"That's my point. There's nothing you can do. My time is up," the Doctor said in frustration.

"Shut up and listen, will you?" Avalon snapped, "We're doing this for you!"

"Then people are dying for me. I won't thank you for that, Ava," the Doctor snapped back.

"We'll there's a lot of things I can't thank you for either," Avalon countered, "And yet here I am. So you're gonna follow River and listen, got it?"

"Just let us show you, please," River pleaded with a low voice, still hopeful everything could turn out fine.

Amy turned to Lena, "How long do we have?"

"At most I'd say a couple of minutes," the brunette breathed then jumped as the door rattled the door from the other side, "Or less, definitely less..."

"That's enough. We're going to the Receptor Room right at the top of the pyramid," River said determinedly, "I hope you're ready for a climb."

"I could say the same thing for you," the Doctor gestured to her current state.

River rolled her eyes, "I'll manage. Avalon, let's go," she ordered and startled the ginger, also prompting a confused face, "You didn't think I was gonna let you stay here. Absolutely not, let's go."

"Fine," Avalon huffed. "But only because of the circumstances. "But Lena comes with me too." There was no way in hell she would let her sister stay back with killer Silents.

"What?" Lena blinked in confusion.

"Shut up and say okay," Avalon nudged her, soon receiving the answer she'd ordered for.

And so, River led the way for them out of the room.

"I'll wait down here, Ma'am. Buy you as much time as I can," Rory's decision kept Amy from following the others.

She turned around and saw the eye drive still on him. "You have to take your eye drive off."

"Can't do that, Ma'am. Might forget what's coming."

"But it could activate any second!"

"It has activated, Ma'am!" It was then that Amy noticed he was fiercely balling his fist on his side. He was fighting off the electricity when it was so close to killing him. "But I'm of no use to you if I can't remember. You have to go now, Ma'am."

Amy looked at him with a firm nod. "Yes."

"Now!"

"Yes, thank you, Captain Williams." Amy turned around and marched out of the room.

Rory fought the electrical pain surging through his body and turned to face the incoming Silence breaking through the door. He aimed his gun at them just as they broke in.

"Rory Williams, the man who dies and dies again," the three creatures chorused together. "Die one last time and know she will never come back for you."

Amy had a thing to say about as she marched back into the room with a machine gun and fired at all of them. She let the gun drop to the ground then helped Rory stand up since he'd fallen through the chaos. "Come on, you. Up you get. You all right?" She pulled the eye drive off him before he could answer. He breathed out in relief when he felt the electricity fade away.

"Amy, help me!" Kovarian called from her chair. Her eye drive was hanging off her face but was otherwise still attached to her skin.

Amy balled her own fists when she turned to the woman. She didn't have all the memories but she knew enough to know what that woman had done to her family. "You took my baby from me and hurt her. And now she's all grown up and she's fine, but I'll never see my baby again. And then you went ahead and you stole her daughter, my granddaughter…" She stormed up to the woman and bent down in front of her. "She was traumatized because of you."

"But you'll still save me, though. Because he would, and you'd never do anything to disappoint your precious Doctor," Kovarian truly played her last card. Amy shook her head, making her last ounce of hope fade.

"The Doctor once said he'd kill any Silence he ever came across with because of what they did to us...I wholeheartedly agree," Amy put the eyedrive back on Kovarian's eye. "River Song didn't get it all from you, sweetie." She got up and left Kovarian screaming in her chair. She took Rory by the arm and glanced at him. "So, you and me, we should get a drink some time."

Rory was surprised with the switch of moments but he would be damned if he ruined it. "Okay…"

"...and married."

"Fine." He was very okay with that.

~ 0 ~

The group arrived at the top of the pyramid where the Doctor immediately was drawn to a whirring machine at the center. It was the only thing there and it was mighty alive, meaning it was doing something. "What's this?" He circled it. "Oh, it's a timey-wimey distress beacon. Who built this?"

"I'm the child of the TARDIS, I understand the physics," River explained.

"Yes, but that's all you've got — a distress beacon!"

"But that's all we need," Lena spoke up, still sounding meek as was her usual tone. "I mean...that's what they say." She looked over to Avalon, for some reason always drawn to her whenever things got challenging.

"We've been sending out a message, a distress call," River began, "Outside the bubble of our time, the universe is still turning, and I've sent a message everywhere, to the future and the past, the beginning and the end of everything. "The Doctor is dying, please, please help".

"River, River, this is ridiculous. That would mean nothing to anyone, it's insane," the Doctor shook his head, "Worse, it's stupid! You embarrass me."

"Hey!" Avalon snapped at him. "We're trying to help, trying to keep you from dying! Be thankful! Some of us don't want you to die, dammit. You know those reports of the sunspots and the solar flares?" She went around the beacon until she came face to face with him. "They're wrong, there aren't any. It's not the sun, it's you. The sky is full of a million, million voices, saying 'yes, of course we'll help'." Tears were quick to fill her eyes. She cupped his face and managed to chuckle. "My Fairy Tale Man was very busy even before he met us. You've touched so many lives, saved so many people. All you had to do was let somebody help you. You just had to ask. You're not alone. I don't know what your life was like before us but the moment you crashed in Amy's backyard you stopped being alone. We are your family and family does not let each other die."

"Avalon…" The Doctor pried her hands off his face.

"No, you need to listen to us. You've decided that the universe is better off without you, but the universe doesn't agree. I don't agree..."

"I'm sorry Ava. I'm really sorry," the Doctor sighed and looked at River, "But she and I are ground zero of an explosion that will engulf all reality. Billions on billions will suffer and die. That will include my Ava, our Ava..."

"Not hers," Avalon muttered under her breath.

"Yes, hers. And theirs," the Doctor nodded towards Amy and Rory, the latter immediately glancing at Amy for it.

"In another reality, we got married and had a kid. That's her," Amy pointed to River then moved it over to Avalon. "And that's her kid, our granddaughter. Oh—" she side glanced Lena, —and you're her sister. Well, cousin, but sister."

"Stop all this!" River exclaimed, looking directly at the Doctor. "You think I'm being selfish, and perhaps I am, but don't I have a right? They killed my daughter's father in front of me, in front of her, and if I let time start again then I will end up losing her altogether. I don't want to give up my time with my daughter. I want to see her say her first word, I want to see her take her first steps. I want to see her grow up with me," she pointed at herself, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. "I am her mother, and I deserve to see her get ready for her first day of school, her graduation. I deserve to see her dressed in white for her wedding. I don't want to get postcards in jail, no letters. Don't you see?"

Avalon brought her hands to her face when she felt water on her cheeks. When did she start crying? She didn't want to cry, she didn't want to. River reached for one of her hands and she was able to pull Avalon slightly towards her without being rejected.

"I would never abandon you. I love you, whether you're out here...or in here," she gestured to her stomach. "You think that I don't care but that's not true. Maybe I am selfish but I don't care what I have to do to make sure that you're okay, that your safe."

"River," the Doctor hated to cut into their moment, but he had to. The truth was right in front of her and she blinding herself to avoid seeing it. "She's not safe right now. None of us. You know that it's too late, don't you?"

Avalon glanced at him with a puzzled look. "What are you talking about?"

The Doctor heavily sighed. "Ava, you grew up with your uncle and aunt. You grew up with your cousins Lena and Gavin as your siblings. I'm so sorry but this has already happened. River, you've already done it. This is a fixed point."

Avalon felt River's grip on her hand loosen. When she looked at the woman, River was shaking her head. "No, no, I can fix it. I can change it."

"Don't you see? You can't," the Doctor said sadly. "If you change her past, she doesn't do half the things that will inevitably bring you to creation. Ryland would never come to live on Earth, I don't meet any Reynolds and they don't help me out in our travels. You will cease to exist, River, and so will she."

"But that's terrible!" River snapped, barely stifling her sobs. "I don't want that!"

"I know…"

"And I don't want to kill you either!"

"I know. I'm sorry," the Doctor honestly apologized to her. This was all his fault. She wouldn't have to give up her daughter if she didn't have to 'kill' him, "I've ruined Melody Pond's life with her parents and now I'll mess up Avalon's chance with her mother…"

Avalon looked between him and River. Her heart was breaking but she could honestly say that it could not be more than either of theirs. She was the middle ground they could all agree on and yet she was also making it worse for everyone. Her existence made everything more complicated and yet she continued making everything more difficult with her behavior.

"I'm sorry," she said to both of them. She withdrew her hand from River and swallowed hard when she was able to look at them again. "You're both locked in this fight because you can't decide about me."

"No, Avalon—"

"River, I'm sorry you were put into this situation in the first place. No one should have to ever go through what you have...and Doctor, I'm sorry for not listening. I did my best to help you but...there is no helping, is there?"

The Doctor shook his head. "Not this time, Ava."

"We have to fix Time," Avalon shuddered a breath when she said it. "Not for me but for everyone else. For everyone who tangled up in this...Pond mess." She cracked the tiniest of smiles that surprised River.

"Avalon, you don't—"

"I don't know what a parent does," Avalon cut River off, "And I've been ignoring what everyone's been saying. I'm sorry." Her eyes wandered to River's stomach. "It's just so weird...I'm here, but I'm also...there…"

"I want us to stay together…" River had lost her fighting voice. She was disgusted with herself for letting things happen the way they already had. She walked up to the Doctor, tears in her eyes, and looked up at him. "The choice has already been made, hasn't it?"

"A long time ago, I'm afraid," he nodded. "But I've got one thing left to say."

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Look in my eyes and know that she will be safe."

"But—"

"Just do it, please."

River reluctantly agreed. The others watched them, cautious as they expected the Doctor to seize her hand and restart time again, but nothing of the sort happened.

"I'm confused," Lena whispered to Amy and Rory.

This time, Amy agreed. "Mhm."

River stepped away from the Doctor, sighing heavily. "I'm not going to see her grow up," she whispered with a quiet sniffle to follow. If that's the choice she had to keep her safe then...so be it, but there was one other thing that she could do for Avalon right now. "Show her that you won't leave her."

"What?" The Doctor didn't quite catch it the first time.

"She thought I abandoned her and she thought you left her too. I want that to stop. That is my condition. I want my daughter to know that she was loved."

"River, you can stop," Avalon called to her. "I-I get it, alright? It's hard, but...I guess I do." She would just need loads of time to process it.

"No, you listen to me," River snapped her fingers at the Doctor for him to listen, " You do this...not for me, but for her. Show her that she's not forgotten."

The epilogue. Or prologue, if he was being just a tad hopeful. He met Avalon's puzzled face and couldn't fathom being apart from her any longer. He would have to, if he wanted things to turn alright for her. "Princess," he held his hand out for her. "It's time to say goodbye."

"We've already done that. I don't want to do it again," she said and yet still took his hand, letting him bring her closer to him. "I can't take it a second time."

"I know, but can I have a dying request?"

"Anything for you."

"Marry me."

Naturally, Avalon froze. She blinked at him but he was quite serious. "You...you want me to what…?"

"It's the ending to our story, and how could I not marry my princess? My Ava?"

Avalon felt her heart beating so fast under her chest that she was sure it was close to bursting. "I-I...be your wife?" She kept asking the same thing in different ways, wasn't she?

"Well, I know the stories end with the prince getting the princess, but this daft old knight-in-shining-armor would love to take his place and marry you," the Doctor took hold of her hands, smiling at her as lovingly as she had before. "Would you marry me, Ava?"

Avalon nodded her head so fast she had to stop herself before she got dizzy. "Yes." Everything was swirling in her mind. Marry. She was going to marry him — she wanted to marry him.

There was an indescribable feeling that flourished through the Doctor at that moment. Even if it was at the very end of the Time itself, he was incredibly jubilant. His Ava had said 'yes' to marrying him. "Look at that," he glanced at River, "Looks like you won't miss something all the important moments, after all."

"This isn't what I meant," River playfully rolled her eyes, but she would take it.

"Yeah, this is crazy! Even for you two!" Amy called.

"Shut up Ponds," Avalon said without a moment's doubt, her eyes glued to the Time Lord before her, a smile growing across her face. "I'm getting married. I'm getting married to my Fairy Tale Man."

"Okay, then," the Doctor took in a breath as he practically buzzed with joy of what was actually going to happen. If he really did have to go (for a long time) then he would at least get something good out of it, and what better thing than his Ava? She would be his wife. He looked around the place. "I need a strip of cloth, about a foot long. Anything will do," he then looked at himself and beamed, "Never mind," he untied his bowtie and held it between him and Avalon, "Ava, take one end of this, wrap it around your hand, and hold it out to me."

"This isn't exactly what I thought marriage would be like," she said in amusement as she followed his instruction, "But I did always know my wedding would be the wedding of a lifetime. No divorces, even if you're dead." It was possibly the worst thing to say in a situation like this but for some reason, they both laughed with the same tears in their eyes. Neither of them ever had a clue of what being prudent meant.

"A lifetime," the Doctor touched her cheek gently. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," Avalon nodded.

"We're in the middle of a combat zone, so we'll have to do the quick version. River, you're the mother here, so...say 'I consent and gladly give'."

"I consent and gladly give," River quickly said, her eyes glued on Avalon who seemed happier than ever. That's what she wanted to see all the time. Even if she was going to be far away from her, River wanted to know that her daughter would be happy.

"Old fashioned," Avalon chuckled and quickly wiped some tears from her face.

"Like a proper fairy tale. Now, for you, Ava, what do you say?"

"I do," Avalon said in a way that made her sound like she'd lost air, in a good way. She was intently watching him for every slight movement he made.

"...I do," the Doctor ultimately said, smiling with her. "I never did come up with a label for us and now I know why. You could have never been my 'girlfriend' because this is what you were meant to be for me: my wife."

"My husband," she whispered. "My Fairy Tale Man is my husband."

"There's just one more thing..." The Doctor leaned to her and whispered something in her ear. Almost immediately, Avalon's eyes half-widened and stared as the Doctor pulled away. "I just told you my name. There, my Ava, we're married." He caressed the side of her face and gave her a small kiss.

"The End," she said as they pulled away. To chapter 1.

They undid the bowtie from their hands but the Doctor left it tucked in Avalon's hand. "Keep it safe with my watch," he whispered to her. He drew in a breath and walked up to River. She raised her head at him, almost looking like she would defy him again...but she held her hand out.

Their hands met and Time resettled.

River, in the astronaut suit, fired and killed the Doctor.

The rest of the Ponds' and Lena watched it happen by the lake.

Everything was as it should be again.

~ 0 ~

Dorium Maldovar, inside his box, was being carried back to his resting place from where he'd been stolen from. There'd been too many movements for him to keep up with who had him now. Being just a sole head made a lot of things difficult like that.

"Who's carrying me?" He shouted from within the box, "I demand to know...I'm a head, I have rights! I want my doors open this time." The person carrying the box placed it on a pedestal and slid open its door before turning and walking away. "Is it you?!" Dorium called and watched as the figure stopped. It is, isn't it? It is you, I can sense it. But how did you do it? How could you possibly have escaped?!"

An ecstatic Doctor pulled down his hood and dropped his cloak to the floor. He was all too happy to share how he duped the entire Silence. "The Teselecta. A Doctor in a Doctor-Suit. Time said I had to be on that beach so I dressed for the occasion, barely got singed in that boat."

"So you're going to do this, let them all think you're dead?"

"It's the only way they can forget me," the Doctor said earnestly. He had thought about for 200 hundred years and this was the only way things could end up. "I got too big, Dorium, too noisy...time to step back into the shadows."

"And Dr. Song?" Dorium asked, "In prison all her days?"

"Well, I'm sure she'll be sneaking out every now and then. She's got a daughter to keep an eye on, after all."

"So many secrets, Doctor. I'll help you keep them, of course…"

The Doctor tried his best not to laugh on the spot. "Well, you're not exactly going anywhere, are you?"

"But you're a fool nonetheless. Kovarian had rumors spreading…" Dorium paused when the Doctor stopped altogether, "Dr. Song's daughter — you married her, didn't you?"

Dorium might be a head but the Doctor was not above making him suffer there and then. "How do you even know—"

"Kovarian said you would. She said you would marry the girl, your companions would die, and you would go to Trenzalore, the place you must never go to. You've changed the course of time and now it will happen."

"Sorry if I don't buy it from a head," the Doctor straightened his jacket. Kovarian had said nonsense to make things happen the way she wanted them to. Dorium had to be repeating what he heard. "Goodbye Dorium. My wife's about to be born and I can't miss that. I really can't." He gave a wave of his hand and turned to leave, but of course Dorium still called after him.

"It's all waiting for you now. You may not believe it, it may take centuries, but it's coming. The fields of Trenzalore, the fall of the Eleventh...and the question!"

"Goodbye!"

"The first question! The question that must never be answered, hidden in plain sight. The question you've been running from all your life," Dorium practically shouted, "Doctor who? Doctor who? Doc... tor... WHO?!"

Author's Note:

And there we have it folks! River was the astronaut to save her daughter's life. I twisted things around because, honestly, the canon of this show is ridiculously obscure and vague. You've probably noticed that I've placed a heavy importance on season 7 throughout this story, including Clara. I don't know if it was just me but I always wondered why the hell Kovarian went after the Ponds when it was Clara who ended up bringing 11 to Trenzalore. Maybe it's just me and my weird thought process but that's what I'm going for in this story. I'm telling you that season is my favorite and it'll definitely show when we get to that one, though I am splitting it up just like the show did (one for a comic arc story and the second for the later half of s7).

#ocappreciation #doctor who #11th doctor #dw #dw imagines #11th doctor imagines #dw fics #doctor who fics #11th doctor fics #oc: Avalon Reynolds #fic: falling in temptation

8 notes · View notes

ofmerrit · 3 years

Text

* ◜ kristine froseth , cis woman & she/her ◞ * according to school records , that’s merrit antonietta unn hornsby walking on campus grounds with their usual iced-americano from the ancient grounds cafe . they’re known for their long , dark blonde locks outshining their surprisingly tall figure and are often spotted at the versailles garden reading wild geese by mary oliver . almost everyone knows their family is worth like 1.2 billion dollars , so we suspect they’re a member of olympus , you know , the one for old money . do you know where they were the night that the scholarship student died ? they claim they were touring around the campus for inspiration , must be an architecture major thing , right . and hey , don’t you agree that the sophomore reminds you of muffled screams into silk pillows , the bellyache you get after doing something wrong & vacant smiles ? you better watch out h e s t i a before something dangerous happens to you and life ends at twenty-two . * ◜ barb , twenty-two , gmt +3 & she / her ◞ *

alright alright . it’s me , wrinkle free brain bar from gmt +3 !! so pumped to be here w you sexies mwah <3 here’s merrit’s pinterest board if you’re interested ( pls im a virgo n pinterest addict .. lemme make boards for our muses .. id d*e ! ) imma . bore u to de*th w this intro pls .. forgive me .. i only hav 2 brain cells , this is all over the place HDFJK rip </3 tw: kidnapping, death.

starting w the boring statistics : full name: merrit antonietta ‘antonia’ unn hornsby nicknames: mer, antonia, ant, tbc. code name: hestia ; the goddess of hearth , the family , the state & the domesticity. star sign: libra sun , virgo moon , scorpio rising. sexuality: bisexual. favourite literature piece: wild geese by mary oliver , an anthology . “meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting over and over announcing your place in the family of things.”

merrit is the only child of the young hornsby couple. she doesn’t remember much of her childhood, according to her grandma, she was the happiest kid. had everything she could ever ask for and more.

the reason why merrit can’t remember any of this is the beginning of a tragedy — a stormy december night, she and her parents went missing. grandma says they were gone for over five months. a kidnapping case gone cold, they thought. right when the old couple was giving up on them, an angel from above delivered antonia to their door step. malnourished, void of any memory but alive.

life after losing her parents was easier than expected, grandma hornsby ( nee du pont ) made sure merrit would recover from this without any trauma & in a way, she did.

doesn’t have the best relationship with her grandpa, he’s harsh and cranky and too smart for his own good, merrit is lowkey afraid of him lmfao

she’s currently studying architecture — her dream major was interior design but grandpa encouraged her to pursue architecture to follow her father’s footsteps. kinda made sense because she’s fascinated by houses .. in reality the insides, the families living there are the real source of interest for her but she’s happy to settle for outside for now gshdjkf

personality stuff !!!

uMM.... i’d say she’s lowkey a people pleaser sdhjkf like ?? making her grandparents proud is . literally the only thing she’s ever wanted in this world n now she feels the same responsibility for every single soul in her life . a torturous existence if you ask me

can’t say no <3 if she thinks its gonna make u feel a tiny bit better . boom . she’s in .

the friend you’d call to bury a body . no questions asked . she’s pickin up the shovel as you speak asdghfjk unless it’s between her grandparents n you, then *michael scott vc* how the turntables.... sdhjfk shes rattin u out instantly rip

LOVES to talk n listen . fills her heart with joy . a blabbermouth .

an overachiever . doesn’t sleep much, rocks the dark circles 7/24 lmfao works bc doesn’t like the idea of .. wasting life if that makes sense ??

loyal 2 a fault. mostly to olympus. wld do anything to stay in the secret society / establish her place .

extremely gentle n caring . sometimes ?? its just . too much sdjkf like. tone it down <3

likes poetry ,, especially mary oliver n louise glück ! her fav poem is the orange by wendy cope.

i imagine her wearing flowy, tulle dresses with floral embroidery or vintage pieces idk

has shit ton of plants but struggles to keep them alive rip

!!! im . terrible at explaining her fr i hate it here ok i hav a vision but ??? i cant explain it

safe 2 say shes having difficulty deciding who she’s supposed to be . a part of her wants to be the golden child for her grandparents n the other side .. jst wants to live her life y’know ???

UPDATE ! i’ve realised that by hiding her secret, i also unintentionally hid a big portion of her personality and she comes across as the typical, soft & gentle soul. don’t get me wrong, she is indeed gentle and soft but she’s also volatile and deceitful !

connection ideas !!!

childhood friends - except she doesn’t remember any of it. maybe your muse thinks she’s changed. maybe they don’t care. maybe they are no longer friends . idk

penpals - seriously ??? i imagine her as someone who writes letters jst bc they’re nostalgic n cute ??? cld be fun.

a home - i kno home’s not a person but a feeling but tell that to merrit lmao. this person’s probably the only one in the whole damn world she’d choose over her grandparents. platonic or romantic, doesn’t matter.

betrothed - super old school yikes. nt exactly betrothed either .. maybe her grandma thot it’d be better if these two were in a relationship . maybe they remained as friends . maybe they hated each other . maybe they kept the publicity stunt ( cue 2 merrit begging to keep faking the rel so her grandpa wld be happy )

exes - a classic. ts this is me trying vibes . on good or bad terms . lingering feelings ? yes please .

bad + good influence - again, classic sdhjfk

saw u at the garden but cldn’t say hi bc i’m a dumb binch - basically someone she has a minor, unrequited crush on. probably knows this person through her other friends but she’s too damn timid to take the first step

a friend from labyrinth . ok hear me out . this is a big deal for her bc she’s all in for her society n v opposed to the idea of a second one even existing . wouldn’t say shes openly mean or .. rude to labyrinth members but ?? jst . wants to protect her own , so this would be a v secret friendship .

a project - could say she has some sort of a savior complex . wants to ‘fix’ people up .. toxic much, mer? <3 anyway ashdjk maybe she thinks .. she can change your muse ? i truly dont know.

ok final one . its juicy . someone who’s suspicious of her . she has a secret n for the obv reason i didn’t talk abt it, your muse’s suspicious n it’s just . hashtag awkward

these r the only connection ideas i have rn my brain said get tht fire exit door im off im so sorry forgive moi bUT im a sucker for angst : ) so theres that

something inspired by my queen n savior phoebe bridgers or . folklore ?? yeah.

give me noora / william vibes . the ex friends . the dan / blair dynamic . i live for them ok sgdhfjkl

#hqcruel.intro #oke im bit late .. or early idk asdhfkls #no proof reading <3 if u spot stuff .#baby im nt even here . im a hallucination #sdghjfk .. so bad . le shité . i did this . for what ??#tw kidnapping #tw death #intro.

8 notes · View notes

svmmersun · 3 years

Text

[ wolfgang novogratz, 24, cis man ] the local papers have reported that OLIVER “OLLIE” FOXX is in town. please give them a warm noosa welcome! HE has been in town for HIS ENTIRE LIFE. i read they are originally from NOOSA, AUSTRALIA. i also heard they are GOOD NATURED & CLUELESS. although, that doesn’t really surprise me. the writer has also whispered to me that they are a COLLEGE STUDENT, who knew?

𝑄𝑈𝐼𝐶𝐾 𝑆𝑇𝐴𝑇𝑆 ——

full name: oliver jackson clarke foxx

nicknames: ollie

age: 24 years old

gender, pronouns: cis man, he/him

sexuality: doesn’t label himself

𝑃𝐸𝑅𝑆𝑂𝑁𝐴𝐿𝐼𝑇𝑌 ——

oliver has never been the brightest bulb in the bunch but he most definitely makes up for it with his humour and kindness. his upbringing definitely had a play in his genuinely good nature - he has a great love for everyone and everything and isn’t afraid to show it.

there’s not a single mean bone in his body, though he won’t tolerate bigotry or anything of the nature and will not hesitate to fight - verbally or physically. oliver isn’t the type to show off his body but when he does, his long hours on the field most definitely show.

𝐼𝑀𝑃𝑂𝑅𝑇𝐴𝑁𝑇 𝑇𝐻𝐼𝑁𝐺𝑆 𝑇𝑂 𝑁𝑂𝑇𝐸 ——

› born & raised about 15 minutes out from noosa on a sweet little farm to even sweeter parents: diane and franklin foxx & an older sister waiting to meet him: sally

› was homeschooled from pre-school to grade 5 a.k.a until he literally begged to go to public school - he loved social interactions and barely got any outside of his family. he ended up getting held back a grade but loved school no less because of it

› in high school, he got dragged into joining the school’s basketball team by his friend group & actually ended up really enjoying it; but that unfortunately meant going to practices rather than helping out at the farm (which saddened him quite a bit because he loves his family’s farm)

› when the time came when sally and oliver were old enough, the family of 4 had a good, long talk about the future of the farm. it came to the mutual agreement that sally would take over the farm and ollie was free to do as he wished - it’s not that he didn’t love the farm and loved helping run it, it was just that being the owner of it wasn’t exactly in his future plans and neither of his parents held that against him. plus, sally was more than happy to take over

› present day, ollie is in his senior year of college as a culinary arts major - his dream is to open his own little restaurant in town. he lives in a charming little studio apartment, which he’s lived in for about 4 and a half years now. he has the sweetest 2 year old chocolate goldendoodle named missy and is also currently fostering a boxer puppy who he temporarily named lucky

𝑃𝑂𝑆𝑆𝐼𝐵𝐿𝐸 𝐶𝑂𝑁𝑁𝐸𝐶𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁𝑆 ——

the one-sided enemy, (0/1): despite how much you try to pick fights with ollie, he simply does not give it back to you (which may or may not make you dislike him even more). it’s probably insufferably annoying but he simply doesn’t care enough to hate you or pick fights

the romantic interest, (0/1): the two of you are pretty much already dating except neither of you have officially asked each other out yet. you’re exclusively romantic (+ sexual) to each other. or... at least ollie is

the best friend, (0/1): ollie’s rock, his bro, his sun on a gloomy day. you two have known each other pretty much since you were babies and you’ve been thick as thieves for 20+ years and the friendship is still going strong. you’ve been there for each other through thick and thin and oliver genuinely cannot imagine his life without you

the v-card holder, (0/1): you are someone oliver loves dearly and trusted enough to have his first sexual experience with. you two have been close for years and when he was still a virgin at age 17, he was ready to .. not be one anymore & the first person who came to mind to ask (without it being out-of-this-world awkward) was you

#noosa.intro

1 note · View note

lovecolibri · 2 years

Text

The way Treasure Hunt is such a superior episode (especially for Buck looks because damn), but the bt of it all was already 🙄🙄🙄 and now I'm just soooooo fucking sick of her I can't deal with her at all anymore.

Buck you have a whole family that loves you! How about a "stop chasing after someone who explicitly said you make a bad team and called you "needy" challenge?

#911 #evan buckley #anti bucktaylor #anti taylor kelly #ooooh girlies i am in a MOOD today #just thinking about how much i enjoyed season 4 and tried to deal with tay kay #because i honestly thought (especially after her SAYING they didn't make a good time and how 4x13 was framed)#that 4x14 would be the end of her AND ana #and here we fucking are halfway through season 5 and she's STILL HERE #making bitchy comments to buck and making him feel bad about himself or like his feelings don't matter #and i just cannot #ANYWAY #imma go listen to some podcasts and clean and maybe i'll feel better #i was so much more willing to give her character some leeway in season 4 #because i thought they were trying to give buck an outside friend #but this whole relationship is stupid and i get why oliver hates it so much for buck and doesn't promote it at all #someone free oliver he is literally begging

13 notes · View notes

itsomgitsgreenblogging · 4 years

Text

The Anchor

So I literally wrote this in one day because I was having a lot of feelings about last night's episode and Fjord and Jester's relationship and how complicated and nuanced their relationship is in general.

This is not written to be particularly shippy, however, feel free to read into it as you like. I leave it purposefully open ended in that regard because, well, their relationship is open ended right now. I am just more interested in these characters and the way their different life philosophies interact.

Enjoy!

Preview:

The days in the north seemed to end much faster than those in the Menagerie Coast. The further that Fjord and Jester traveled the keener he felt that to be true. The air lacked that certain sumptuousness that it did along the coast where it was full of the sea, humidity, and a warmth that bled from the ground and swelled until everything shimmered like it was made of something costly. Even in the dregs of summer that bled into fall, the season felt austere. Fjord had known all his life that the Dwendalian Empire was a strict place, but even the rolling hills and forest lacked a sort of color that he was used to. It reminded Fjord of the washed out grey of a sea at storm, when there was barely any difference between frothy waves and storm clouds on the horizon.

He was sure that Jester felt it too, though she tended to attempt to fill their days with color in her own dizzying and breathless sort of way. Jester loved to talk but hated conversations, and that was why they had gotten along so swimmingly from the first moment they met. Fjord offered none of himself that he couldn’t spare, and Jester was an open book whose text needed to be decoded by someone who had a degree, and so they could spend all day circling a point like they were circling a drain. Fjord had never met anyone else in his life who knew how to dance over what they meant to say as deftly as he did before. He wondered where she had learned those valuable lessons, but didn’t pry. It was mostly for his sake because he was supposed to be using her. He had thought she had carried herself like someone who had money and such a person would be useful to travel with, and she did have money...at one point. Not any longer. It was just another one of those truths that both of them acknowledged but neither of them addressed outright. Eventually though, one of them had to crack open and offer the olive branch. For both of their sakes, Jester seemed to steel herself and bridge that divide.

“I’m sorry Fjord,” she murmured as she curled tighter at the base of the tree, offering that branch to him though she sounded like she loathed every second of it, like a child forced to pull a baby tooth before it was ready to fall on its own. Fjord let his eyes drift over to her for a moment, as he sat rod straight against the bark. Her hair wreathed her hair and dark blue curls like a crown and she didn’t move to fix it as she flopped around like a dying fish. “I shouldn’t have spent all that money.”

“It’s alright,” Fjord promised her as he gazed up into the boughs of the tree. A hawthorn tree contains multitudes, blossoming with beautiful flowers and sharp thorns, it was a song that an old sailor had crooned between puffing at a pennywhistle. It was too bad it was out of season, Fjord thought, he would have liked to see a hawthorn bloom for the first time in his life. His gaze drifted away and then settled beyond the wide dark plains of the empire. “We’ll figure it all out.”

“You always say that,” Jester grumbled, and Fjord could hear a pout in her voice as clear as day, see her violet-flushed cheeks and her furrowed brow. He felt a smile pull at his lips and the scars that lined the inside of his mouth from nail files and dislodged bones. It was typical, that even in these small moments that were happy, he still had to remember those things he wished he could have left behind.

“Have I been wrong yet?” Fjord asked, nudging her with the toe of his boot. Jester turned over like a roly-poly and stuck her tongue out properly at him. Fjord released a hearty laugh in return that felt far more natural. Laughter has been a frequent friend since he had met Jester, and he liked that most of the time he meant it with her. Even if he didn’t like to share himself, he disliked being dishonest. Lying by omission hurt much less.

“But I am sorry,” Jester admitted, her eyes wood-violets cast in shadows. Her blanket was wrapped up to her chin as she did nothing to extricate herself out of her cocoon. “If I had the money we could have traveled with the caravan.”

“My old captain once told me that if we live from our mistakes we ought to learn from them,” Fjord told her quietly, twining his fingers in the grass to anchor him. He pulled at it half-heartedly, feeling the dirt swell and contract with his gentle tugs.

“I won’t make that mistake again, the horse didn’t even appreciate her clothing!” Jester huffed. “I promise Fjord, when we find my dad it’ll all get figured out. We’ll be able to get new horses and find our way to that academy.”

“Get some sleep so we can switch,” Fjord told her, amused exasperation creeping into his voice. Jester rolled back over and curled up again, breath even though she was clearly not asleep. Fjord settled in again, against the trunk of that old tree. There was a promise in the north, like the promise of a shooting star. It was something ephemeral and hopeful that conflicted with that dark fear that roiled in his guts like churning black ocean water. If he could get there, perhaps he could find out what had seeped into his bones on that dark night and hadn’t let go.

Fjord shook his head, attempting to shake out those thoughts from his mind. Things were easier when Jester was awake for many reasons, but that was the main one. It was hard to focus on the past when she was dragging him along to the beat of her own drum, but as soon as he was alone all he could do was stew in those feelings that he had long wished to forget. Jester was kind and good and saw those good things in Fjord that Fjord knew that only existed like flashes of lightning, but Fjord knew he could have been better. He could have convinced that caravan leader who had turned them away, he could have done what he had needed to so that they would be safe and comfortable in a world that wasn’t nice to either of their kind.

Vandren had always been able to make people listen to him. Some people were just like that, they could command a room or a group of men with the ease of breathing. No one had ever listened to Fjord. He had practiced the art of disappearing until he was barely made of anything more than sea mist that dissipated in the morning sun. Perhaps that’s why he didn’t drown, Fjord had thought once. Fjord was nothing, as weightless as driftwood broken off from a whole and eroded until he was battered beyond repair. Though he knew that it wasn’t that. His lungs had filled with water just the same as any man. The miracle that had saved him and flung him to shore just as carelessly, intertwined with him and grew in him...deep in his heart he knew it wasn’t a miracle at all. Miracles don't happen to children tossed aside as easily as a stone. There would be a price to pay soon enough, he just hoped he would find someone who could help him before that.

If he could be more like Vandren...be the type of man that Vandren would trust, then maybe Fjord could make sense of the outside world. Jester deserved a friend like that at least, Fjord thought with a wince. Not whoever this pushover was. When someone joined with you in friendship there was a responsibility shared...a responsibility to be actively working towards the common good. He would take responsibility, Fjord decided. He would be the type of person that people could rely on, and if he had to discard that other person...well, there wasn’t much of him that he hadn’t discarded before to suit the needs of those who needed him.

This would be no different, but far more important.

_____

He pressed the breath in his lungs into her mouth as the weight of the ocean and all of his horrible decisions bore down on them with teeth and tendrils and hungry yellow eyes. Live, Fjord begged her. Live.

It wasn’t a kiss, Fjord thought pressed against the wall of a captain’s quarter later as Avantika’s fingers danced across his skin. Kisses were things freely given from the heart. Fjord had nothing left in him to save. It was just easier to think of that, of anything else, besides the things that were as plain as the nose on his face. It should have been her choice, but it hadn’t been. So it wasn’t a kiss. It was merely a desperate attempt to save someone else beside himself...to save someone deserving for once in his life. Somehow Fjord was always failing at the simplest of tasks.

And then he was saved. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Fjord was the worst kind of thief, the kind that took other’s precious things and pretended they were his own and that he was worthy and deserved them. But the goddess looked upon him, and told him he was worthy and that he did deserve to be saved. He supposed he just had to figure out what She saw in him that he didn’t.

Fjord would make it right. He had to. For all of their sakes, to deserve their trust and their love. Patched together Fjord and driftwood Fjord and empty Fjord wouldn’t cut it. He would be a Fjord that he could be proud of, that was his promise.

_________

Fjord never understood how such big consequences could be decided by such insignificant moments. He could trace a million split second decisions that had somehow led him here. And yet all of them seemed small compared to the moment he had hesitated and the moment that Jester had pushed forward into the hag’s hut and left them all behind. Beau released a strangled noise, her face still sallow. Yasha’s face had gone as hard as stone. Nott looked as if she wished she could sink into the center of the earth.

He was supposed to be different now, Fjord thought helplessly. He was different. He was no longer cutting himself apart to please others. He had been given a second chance by a fateful meeting, and had taken it. He was supposed to be stronger. He was supposed to protect them all. But instead it was Jester walking in alone, and then rushing out like the hounds of the nine hells were nipping at her feet.

Jester-Jester! Are you sure? Fjord had asked, begged as she came running out once more. There was panic under her smile that stretched across his features, magic pulsing under her skin and filling the air in a harried rhythm. Her veins were full of her god’s favor, that Fjord knew. She made them all shimmer like the diamond dust she had scattered across her skin, but never for her own sake it was always for someone else’s. It was that lack of care that had Fjord so deeply disturbed. There wasn’t much that Fjord couldn’t believe she wouldn’t trade away for them. She would trade her tongue for a person's life as he was tossed about in a storm, regardless of if that man deserved it or not. She would give beautiful scales for feet if that meant she could dance with her friends, regardless of if needles pierced her skin every step.

Everything’s fine, she reassured, her voice carrying a half-lullaby as if she was trying to soothe not only herself but the rest of them who were teetering between the edge of despair and terror. There was a lock of hair twisted around her horn that she didn’t fix, her tail lashed nervously about her legs, her smile was so tight he was afraid it would snap her lips. Fjord helped her gather their traumatized friends up and set them on course again.

Is it fine? Fjord wanted to beg her. Are you fine? I thought I was going to lose you all to a decision we couldn’t make together again. I was terrified. I was scared, I am always so scared. Are you scared? If you are scared then couldn’t we all be scared together? We are together, but I feel alone. Do you feel alone sometimes, Jester? Is that how you can face a creature like that alone and live to tell the tale?

But Fjord’s throat was too slick (with sea water, no something thicker, blood, maybe the sea serpent had taken his tongue this time) and no words could escape. Neither of them talked, because that’s what they did. How could one talk when silence was the price you paid for your wishes?

__________

In the chest there were two sets of silk clothing, gingerly folded and placed alongside a child’s doll that was damp to the touch. Amongst those items, there was a silver pocket watch. On the back of the pocket-watch Fjord caught a glimpse of initials as she turned it. B. V.

Big Viridian, Fjord thought, feeling a chuckle attempting to escape his throat as he thought on the woman who had taken them through the village of Rumblecusp. Veth turned the watch over in her hands, pulling out a small kit of tools and began to fiddle with it in an attempt to make it work. She grumbled as she did. That was Veth to a tee, Fjord thought idly amused, fixing something so small in such a huge clusterfuck of a situation. She gave up with a sigh, and Fjord watched as Jester reached across and fluttered her fingers. A mist of green and blue caught on the silver edge, and Fjord heard the ticking of the watch.

“You aren’t planning on keeping that are you?” Fjord asked Jester as she cupped it in her hands.

“Keeping what?”

“The pocket-watch,” Fjord clarified.

The doll’s leg was wet with mildew, and it had raggedy string hair. It had been a human perhaps, a girl doll of some sort. Fjord wondered if the little girl was still on the island, if she had grown up here or if she had washed up on shore like what felt like a lifetime ago and just kept the doll as some kind of momento. Did the clothes belong to her parents? To her? To someone important that she could never replace? What was the difference between these villagers in him? The only one he could think of was that he had just been lucky in the place he had landed.

Or maybe not, Fjord thought irritated as Jester explained her plan of interrogating the villagers to find B.V.

“What if they do remember? What if it’s important to them? What if they do remember and they don’t want to speak up for...I don’t know fear of retribution or being outed or something. We shouldn’t take it,” Fjord tried to explain the taste of a cold blade on the tip of his tongue, watching Jester’s face draw in like storm clouds in a grey sky.

“What if someone hears the ticking sound that follows us everywhere?” Caduceus added from where he was currently inspecting the box itself. Fjord found himself grateful to him for the millionth time since knowing him. Caduceus was steady at the wheel in a way that Fjord found himself lacking. Deep breaths, Cad had advised during one meditation. She can only hear you when you are breathing.

“Yeah, we know the initials we can put it back. It’ll be a nice treat to open a box and find it working,” Fjord attempted to explain to Jester, but she drew even further away from him.

“It was pretty dusty, but sure. Put it back, Fjord’s feeling honorable,” Jester said with a scoff and a look she shared with Nott as she tossed Nott the watch. Fjord leveled a glare at them both, and realized that he didn’t think he had ever glared at Jester before. He hadn’t liked how callous she had sounded...it made his stomach feel funny. It made him wonder if she was serious about things he had thought she was joking about like letting people blow up in a volcano or forget in a strange mist about her god-who-wasn’t-really-a-god. It made him doubt her...even though she had been the single constant in his life since this craziness had all begun.

He looked at her that night, with Yasha’s music still ringing...haunting and sad and beautiful in his ears. Jester slept fleetingly and restlessly, turning over in her sleep like she was on the verge of waking. Fjord wished for a moment he could make it stop. When had it happened? When had they drifted apart and become so disconnected? Their goals so misaligned? There were a thousand scattered memories, and yet Fjord couldn’t pinpoint one.

It’s just stress, a part of Fjord-the analytical one explained. She doesn’t know what her god wants. Hell, her god isn’t even a god. You know that feeling well enough, how it is to attempt to appease something far greater than you that you have no idea how to appease.

And what if he is disappointed in her? Another part of Fjord, the one terrified of turtles and scary noises in the dark and larger children with grabbing hands that pushed his head under water in buckets cried. We could barely protect any of them, or ourselves, from the wrath of one entity. What will we do if...what can we do?

They would have to talk, Fjord thought. For once, they would really need to talk.

He just hoped he didn’t lose her in the attempt to anchor her.

#critical role #critical role fanfiction #fjord #jester lavorre

4 notes · View notes

ellaintrigue · 4 years

Photo

Photo credit: Julio Cortez/AP

George Floyd's fiance pleads against the violent protests: https://www.thedailybeast.com/george-floyds-fiancee-pleads-…

YES, racism is alive and well. So is sexism, rape culture, and homophobia, but you don't see the Me Too movement hurting people and destroying property...

YES, George Floyd was murdered. But this goes far beyond racism. I never deny racism, the recent murder of a black man by two white guys in a pickup was clearly racist. But this is an issue of MEN. And POLICE. Cops have always killed people, it's all a matter of what gets the most publicity. I see a photo collage going around of black people that have been shot recently by cops and I find it offensive. Where are the white, Asian, and Hispanics that have also been shot by the police? What about the recent shooting of a white woman? We are all equals, right? https://apnews.com/57b423dcf5e54bdb801d7ea564416a0a

Foolish liberal hypocrisy. Meanwhile I am seeing younger democratic socialists applauding the looting as capitalism being put in its place. What the hell? You see the first article above, George Floyd's loved one said he never wanted this. And what exactly is the relevance to his death? What did Target stores do to George Floyd? How is the guy walking down the street with a backpack of stolen liquor bottles contributing to justice?

This is bullshit of the greedy and the brainwashed, race issues and social topics have been long lost. The majority of the protesters seem to be males enjoying violence. Which again, is what it comes down to.

While a huge feminist, I have no problem admitting that men have their own separate laundry list of issues. Difficulty speaking out, and difficulty getting help for whatever problems they may have because of the stigma of society where men are still not allowed to admit "weakness." I see it in my own father who has outbursts from being overwhelmed by various things. Having to be a tough guy and a financial supporter to a disabled wife but unable to accept or seek support himself.

There are A LOT of angry men out there. Shit, they're justified for the most part! I would definitely not want to be a man. And that is where the position of authority comes in... overcoming your struggles as a male youth and becoming a cop or correctional officer.

There are so many great cops out there! But, I haven't met many of them. Because not everyone overcomes their past and becomes a good cop. Whatever they grew up with or were born with makes them relish power, control, and violence.

I, a lower class (former middle class) white woman, have been victimized by the police. If you think that's a fucking joke because I'm white, refer back to the original point: POLICE VICTIMIZE PEOPLE OF ALL AGES, RACES, GENDERS, ETC.

A few years ago I read an article about a rapist cop. He raped more than one woman, but when they reported it, they were dismissed because he was a cop. His peers made sure he was above the law. So then he rapes an older black woman, someone's grandmother. She raised hell and he finally got in trouble. Was she listened to because she was black? HELL TO THE NO, women are treated like shit. A black woman? I've seen black women treated horribly my entire life. It's just how it is.

But no one felt like bringing this pig to justice, because, well, white male cop. Cops obviously deal with criminals and folks they will naturally regard as lower class, and none of these folks are going to be believed over a cop. From dating men of questionable backgrounds, I have heard horror stories of prisoners being beaten by cops and correctional officers and all kinds of shit. But who is going to believe some felon over a police officer?

May marked the 4 year anniversary of my ex-boyfriend almost killing me. It was hell, I struggled all month. My mom having cancer, the anniversary, the pandemic, now everyone running around setting shit on fire because they want free TVs... HOLY FUCK. PTSD trigger much?

I've wanted to talk about that, but I felt I couldn't, because, well, he's stalked me since. How did this happen? People think I was a battered woman but that's not true. Women stay with abusive partners and I did not. I got with this guy knowing he had a record, as others before him, but did not expect the onslaught of mental illness. The guy before him was bipolar and would shut down, lay on the bed and just be totally mute or sob. This new guy, after about 3 months into a relationship, would have manic episodes that would lead to suicide attempts. Over time I found out that he was a diagnosed bipolar, and rumored (unconfirmed) schizophrenic. I begged and begged for him to stick to taking meds, which clearly helped over the course of months, but he would stop taking them because he felt he "didn't need them," which is the cruelest cliche of the mentally ill and why so many don't function at all.

So I ended up having to call the cops on him multiple times in the course of 3 years when he lost his shit. Not once did he ever harm me, although you can see, and I can see, now, that it was unhealthy and dangerous for everyone involved regardless. The first time I dealt with the cops over him was when he got a DUI in my truck with his friend. but the friend was driving. I woke up at midnight to this chaos and remember a black female cop intimidating me and screaming at me because I was standing near a beer bottle on the ground and I was "hiding evidence." Which was bullshit since the driver had already been arrested. Who the fuck cares about a random Bud Light bottle lying in my yard? The DUI was in Ocean City. Whatever.

The same fucking night my shitfaced, manic boyfriend logs onto my computer and reads like 7 years worth of texts between me and a male friend, accusing me of fucking him. After a long night of dealing with the other drama it was like hell never ended. He's on my computer, looking at everything I have and accusing me of cheating. Never met the dude, never tried to be with the dude, but that seemed pretty moot. Even if your partner has nothing to hide, you shouldn't be going through their shit. IF YOU DO NOT TRUST THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH, LEAVE THEM. IF YOU HAVE ONGOING ISSUES WITH MANIA OR PARANOIA, GET HELP.

Well, perhaps I seem a hypocrite in protesting violence against women, and I did something I'm not proud of: I punched the fuck out of him. He then got up and put my shotgun in his mouth. He didn't pull the trigger but obviously that scarred me for life. I called 911 and they chased him down in the woods and took him to the mental ward in Salisbury. I dealt with 3 male cops that were kind to me and said I did the right thing by hiding the gun afterward and calling 911. My neighbor also helped me, which I am incredibly grateful for.

I should have left, hands down. But because I never felt physically threatened by him: I felt I was helping him, he could get better, and I kept trying. I have never been a woman that wanted a "project" as some people want, where they find someone to fix or better as a person. But I loved this man and tried my best, stupid as I was.

He was fine for months after that, another huge factor in me staying. We were just boyfriend and girlfriend, enjoying life, until he had another manic episode. Once he went 6 months with no signs of anything at all. Again, at this point in things, I have nothing to candycoat in my life. I am an open book, and in 2018, came out about being raped by a man in 2011, and got judged harshly. I've had to accept that no matter what I say, I will be questioned and put down because that is how victims are treated.

So in 2015 he came home late at night, screaming the FBI were in the bushes and smashing things. He accused me and a family member of conspiring with the government against him and stripped half of his clothes off, threatening to kill himself. Just like that, he would go from a calm person that worked all day to a raging maniac in the most literal form.

I called 911 and was in tears by the time two very tall male cops showed up. That is the main thing I remember, I am 5'2 and these men were both over 6'0 and stood way too close to me. My boyfriend was running around screaming utter nonsense and one cop talked to him, another talked to me. The two men ID'd me and laughed at the fact I always wore lipstick, in the pic and in real life, a habit since I was 14. Then they told me they weren't going to do anything with my boyfriend, who was still screaming and stomping around. I said, "but he's clearly unstable and threatening to kill himself." Both of the cops stood roughly two feet from me, and the heavyset olive skinned officer moved in even closer, shining his flashlight in my face, his breath bearing down on me, and said, "if you call 911 or anyone again tonight, you will both be arrested."

I felt scared of them at this point and they told me my option was to leave my home, leaving my boyfriend there. They asked me if I had family in the area and I said no. "Well, we can't help you then. Plus we want to go and get dinner," the thick one said, before laughing with his partner, who was a thinner blond man. So they waited until I got in my car and left, then they left, leaving my ex still standing screaming in the middle of the yard.

I had nowhere to go, so I went to his aunt's house and spent the night. At one point in the night I heard my boyfriend's truck screech through Berlin, looking for me, but knew I couldn't call 911 anymore because I WAS threatened. And cops can do what they want, no one is going to listen to some white trash chick with a crazy boyfriend.

I called 911 one other time before things got truly worse (I know, right). I got one of the cops that I had dealt with when he put the shotgun in his mouth and he threw him in the mental ward after a brief car chase.

By spring 2016 my boyfriend wasn't working, binge drinking, and seeming off on a regular basis so I somehow managed to drop him off at a homeless shelter despite him initially standing in a Wendy's parking lot screaming I was out to get him.

Finally, in May he became increasingly manic before literally waking up one morning with this weird hollow look in his eyes and screaming the worst threats against me and his family I had ever heard. First I tried to be calm, then I tried to run from him when I thought he wasn't looking and he ran after me and jumped on me. And that was the first time I felt actually afraid that he would hurt me. I thought he would hit me. Instead, he dragged me through the woods by my ankles so hard my leggings were pulled down and became filled with dirt, leaves, and sticks, threw me on the porch and then dragged me into my house. He tortured me for 1-3 hours. I think it was between 1 and 2 hours. Years later I sat down with a shrink and told her, I can't remember, I truly can't. I just remember the intense fear and shame of what it would be like for my dad to come into my house and find me dead. The doctor pursed her lips as she listened to me and reassured me that people with PTSD often have trouble remembering details. In fact, I couldn't piece together how bad the whole thing was until 2018, around the same time I talked about being raped, because I had repressed memories so hard. There was a point where I vividly remembered everything both men had done to me respectively, including a lifelong physical injury I had also blocked out. Like, I knew it was there, I just never allowed myself to think about why.

Instead of killing me, thank fuck, my boyfriend left me lying on a plastic floor mat he had just put a cigarette out in that he been holding over my eye and walked out of the house, stealing my truck. So I called 911, in a sort of daze I seemed the most worried about the stupid truck. But I really couldn't comprehend anything at that point. I shouldn't have bothered calling, because ding-dong, who is at the door, but one of the cops that essentially kicked me out of my house in 2015, leaving me to wonder if my boyfriend would kill himself or burn the place down. The thin, blond cop. The first thing I noticed was his eyes when I spoke to him that day. His pupils were tiny pin-pricks and it was shockingly noticeable. He looked like he was blind or something, because he had wide blue irises with these teeny tiny pupils. Frankly it was creepy, but wasn't relevant to the situation. I told him my ex went nuts, then stole my truck. He starts screaming at me and asking me what I wanted to do, and why the hell did I call. I completely shut down and just felt scared of him. Thinking about telling him about the assault just evaded my head, all I could think was that I was being cornered and I had to get away. He walked around the yard looking at other shit my ex had torn up, yelled at me some more, then left. This cop was almost manic and I was afraid he would arrest me for annoying him.

I finally got my truck back with the help of my grandmother after watching my boyfriend acting insane in front of his boss, who he had driven to. The man got a restraining order against him that week after seeing the violent instability and I made our breakup official at the same time. I knew I was done the second he dragged me through the woods. That was the first time he had ever put hands on me and the torture session would be the last. (I was lucky in that he had tossed me around and suffocated me in a headlock, etc., rather than getting a knife or something... it could have been so much worse.)

At this point, regardless of what people around him did, my now-ex was clearly gone mentally. Not sure how or why it got that bad, but all of his issues just imploded on him at once, almost overnight. So 2016 to 2018 he stalked me and made my life a living hell. He called me and I was afraid to disconnect my number right away because I felt it was a way of tracking him/how dangerous he was any particular day. After screaming for him to leave me alone and calling the cops even more times failed, I felt I had to be nice to him to keep him at bay, or when he started coming into my job, so I wouldn't make a scene. I finally got a domestic violence order in 2017 and stood before the court and described my assault so the judge to decide if I had just cause.

About a month after that, my ex called me threatening to kill himself so I felt super happy about calling 911. Finally they would put his ass in jail. A cop in his early 20's showed up, flirted with me, called his boss and they told me that there was not enough cause to jail my ex. The cop told me to "just talk things over" with my ex and then left after staring at my tits through my sweatshirt.

More time goes by, more bullshit, afraid to go to work, afraid to come home at night. Mace didn't make me feel safer, guns didn't make me feel safer, having coworkers didn't make me feel safer. My dad was screaming at me that I had brought this all on myself by being with a nut for so long. I felt like a hunted animal. My boss complained about me calling out of work over this. Finally my ex's other ex-girlfriend who he was with after me comes into my job, says he assaulted her, and that he was dangerously obsessed with me and my boss finally took me seriously.

I couldn't do anything about phone calls or online harassment. He would message me online telling me he hated me and stuff and I would just block him. Then, one day in September, during Ocean City bike week, he showed up on a bicycle, cornering me in the parking lot of my job as I walked to my shift. I was in utter terror and for a moment he looked like he would attack me again but I just kept on walking, and did not pause. My coworker wanted to know why I was being confronted and I said "THAT'S HIM, THAT'S HIM. I'M SO SORRY, NIKKI, I'M NOT CLOCKING IN RIGHT NOW. I AM CALLING 911."

Two cops showed up, a male and a female and ID'd me, and looked at my DV order. I asked if it was okay for me to lift the sweater on my front seat up to get my purse and the male cop brushed that off, acting like I was a non-threat. But I knew I had to move slow, because, well, cops shoot people. White, black, male, female, non-bindary-gender, whatever.

They saw I had all my paperwork in order then they started fucking yelling at me! They told me they really didn't have time to look for him since it was Bike Week and they were busy! I don't know what else they said to me, I think they were confused about what phone number I used the most because I had 2 at that point. I broke into tears and the male cop said "you don't have to do none of that." I walked back into the store and they came back in again, and my coworker told everyone later on how nasty the cops were too me. I knew it wasn't just me but it was good to finally have a witness this time around.

They looked around for my ex at two known locations then gave up, I had called and asked. 3 days later he attacked his other ex, the one that I had spoken to and they arrested him on both that and my DV order. He was jailed for several months and since then his stalking has been infrequent aside from him popping up on Tumblr this winter to make fun of my cat dying. Because I left him, for assaulting me, he now, in whatever the fuck is left of his mind, wants me to live a life of hell. During one phone call he screamed "YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY UNTIL I'M HAPPY."

I'd love to count on him staying gone, but I know better. His brother added me on FaceBook not too long ago and I said hi, and he said "you know you're the love of my brother's life, right?" I told him I wanted nothing to do with my ex. "Not even friends?" I told him that my ex tried to kill me then made my life hell and he said he didn't know and the conversation ended.

I'm not afraid of my ex's brother. I don't think he added me purely to help my ex. This man isn't crazy. This man didn't try to kill me, and isn't going to. But the sheer mindfuckery of it: how can you try to get back with the woman you abused? How can you use threats to try and get back with her? Another time my ex called me and screamed over me posting pictures with my last ex, mocking it. Why would I be with him, instead of the guy that abused me?

...Why would I want to be with a guy that I felt safe with that never abused me? Golly gosh, no idea. But it's all just a headfuck that I will be scarred by for life.

Summary: Cops and the severely mentally ill are capable of ruining the lives of anyone, of any color. 🤷‍♀️

#PTSD

3 notes · View notes