#so. my anxiety has gotten worse and I cannot breathe

[rehfan]

THIRSTY BOY

Shy!Ralph Penbury x AFAB!Reader/fem!reader

Warnings: Over 18 only please - Children BEGONE! — shifting POV; shame; nipple play; mommy kink; praise kink; nursing hand job; gentle fdom

*******************

He had been thinking about asking you for a long time. He wasn’t altogether sure that you would allow it, really. Especially considering that you were such a lady in his eyes. The thought of doing that to you made him inwardly cringe and furiously blush. How was he going to express to you that he, Ralph Penbury, would love to suckle at your nipples like a newborn? How was he going to convince you that it was something normal when he himself doubted that what he wanted was entirely sane?

These thoughts plagued his mind more and more ever since the coming of summer. Your light linen summer dress that showed your cleavage made his mouth water. The fan you used to push a breeze along your neck walking back from the estate chapel after church services matched your dress and your eyes. A bead of sweat rolled down your neck, dipped into your sternal notch and settled between your luscious breasts. He couldn’t stop staring.

“What is it, my love?” you asked. His head snapped up, switching his gaze to the path through the trees ahead. Your voice was filled with such innocence. How could he defile your relationship with this primal desire? How could he ruin your view of him like this?

“Oh nothing,” he improvised, “just thinking.”

“Of?”

Drat. He wasn’t good at improvisation. He should have known you’d suss him out. He could feel the blush creeping across his cheeks and ears. “Of- of - of many things…”

“Of cabbages and kings?” you supplied.

“And whether pigs have wings! Yes! Clever girl! Oh you’re so much cleverer than I.”

“Don’t say that! You’re quite clever, really. You figured out what your birthday gift was before you unwrapped it!” You hooked an arm under his and squeezed him close.

“That wasn’t clever,” he said and when you protested further, he added: “I merely guessed correctly. That’s all.”

“Clever guess then,” you said. Your head met the side of his arm for a second before you said: “You didn’t tell me what you were thinking of.”

“When?” he asked. The desperation of needing you to leave well enough alone was overwhelming. Yet a sliver of himself hoped you would just guess the crux of his problem and take the work out of it for him.

“When? Just now, darling! Just as we were leaving the chapel and walking down the lane. Here. Now.” Your smile teased him. “Tell me, bunny. What’s the problem?”

“Problem? There’s no problem.”

“Well you were certainly blushing hard enough to make it seem as though you had a problem.”

Ralph laughed nervously. “I certainly don’t-“

“No. You’re not denying it. As a matter of fact, as you were trying to dodge the question yet again, Mr. Penbury….” You playfully traced a fingertip to the red shell of his ear. He reflexively dodged his head out of the way.

“My goodness!” he cried. “It’s nothing, I promise you.”

“So it is something, then?”

Ralph sighed. You were like a bulldog with a bone. There would be no dissuading you. He took another breath and resigned himself. Normally, he would make confessions to you without thinking about it. But the guilt and embarrassment associated with what he wanted left him with wet hands and red ears. He couldn’t look at you.

“Bunny?” Your nickname for him held a twinge of anxiety. He could see your furrowed brow in his periphery.

“I am so very sorry, my love. What has been plaguing me all these weeks has only gotten worse with every passing day. I’m afraid I cannot hide the truth from you any longer. And I can only apologize to you, my dearest heart. You don’t deserve to be associated with a man such as myself.”

You were silent for a bit too long. Ralph knew you were waiting for the fatal blow. Be a man, Ralph Penbury. The worst she could do is leave your life and render you a husk of a man doomed forever to wander the world unloved and unseen.

Ralph cleared his throat. “I am only too sorry to tell you - and I would never ordinarily because I certainly do know the limits of what a gentleman should reveal to a lady about his innermost thoughts and desires - but you see, my dear… I-“

You sniffled. Turning to you in alarm, he said: “Darling? Oh no. Please don’t cry.”

“If you’ve fallen in love with someone else, Ralph, just tell me. Just please tell me outright.”

“What? No! No no no! Nothing of the kind, my sweetheart!” He offered you his handkerchief and watched anxiously as you dabbed at your eyes and nose and calmed a bit.

“Then what in God’s name is it, Ralph? What’s so difficult to tell me?”

“I want to suck on your breasts like an infant.” Did he just say that out loud?

You blinked at him. Here it comes. Here comes the moment she cries harder and runs away from you forever. Ralph waited motionless, breathless.

“Is that all?”

“What? ‘All’? What do you mean ‘all’? Isn’t that, well, everything?” he cried. “Aren’t you disgusted at all? Revolted by my basest desires? How infantile I am? That I, a grown man, should want such a thing is-“

“Perfectly normal for a grown man?”

“It- it is? I’m not a- a- deviant?” he whispered the last word conspiratorially as if the trees surrounding them were all the bishops in England.

Your light laughter joined the birdsong around you. “Oh, silly bunny.” Your finger slipped into his waistcoat and pulled him in for a small kiss to the side of his mouth. “Let’s get back to the house. Take off these clothes. It so sticky and hot today. I think you could- use a drink?”

*******************

The bedsheets were deliciously cool on your skin. Down pillows were propped behind you in Ralph’s grand bedroom. Yours was the guest bedroom down the hall and while wedding bells were definitely ringing in the near distance, you two had not been fully intimate as of yet. He was so shy. So polite. By the time Ralph was finally kissing your mouth regularly and comfortably, it was practically cause for notifying the press.

The prospect of seeing your Ralph happy, contented, and suckling at your breasts made your own mouth water. Ralph was harder to read. He had been quiet all the way back to the manse. You both had mounted the stairs in tandem, exchanging glances and little smiles. Yet, as soon as you had entered his room, he had tore off for the toilet. You had opened all his bedroom windows, turned on the electric oscillating fan in the corner, and disrobed in the cool breeze it had created. You were not completely revealed. Your undergarments were still in place: bra, panties, and silk slip. The breeze was delicious, but soon it caused gooseflesh to spread along your skin. The bed welcomed you and you arranged the pillows accordingly.

All that time, the bathroom door hadn’t opened. You also heard no noise. “Ralph? Are you quite well?”

“Fine.” A curt answer, to be sure. Very unlike your Ralph.

“Darling, I promise you that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Please come out here.”

“A-are you certain? By that I mean, erm… we aren’t wed, my dear.”

“I am aware we’re not wed, shy boy. Please come here. Let me make you feel good. Please?”

A creak betrayed his presence in the doorway. You craned your neck around and smiled at him. “There you are, bunny.” You held a hand out to him. “Sweet bunny boy. Come here and let’s have cuddles, yeah?”

He stepped into the room, entirely nude save for his underpants. He wore boxer underwear, blue with white stripes, hands clasped self-consciously in front of his crotch. His eyes were wide taking you in as he slowly approached. “You are so beautiful.”

“So are you, love.” He took your hand. “Did you want to get in here with me?”

“I don’t want to defile you. You are so lovely. And I’m- I’m just a neanderthal, beating his chest and ready to drag you off by the hair to his cave like some animal. Full of depraved thoughts. Terrible things.”

“No, sweet,” you said soothingly, “you are the dearest of men. The kindest, gentlest gentleman to ever exist. And now, I want to show you how much you’re loved. Please dear sweet Ralph. Come into my arms.”

*******************

He lay across your lap with one arm wrapped around your waist. His head rested on more pillows, the positioning allowing him full access to your left breast. He hesitated again. “Are you certain?”

A smiling kiss to his forehead told him all he needed to know. “Did you want to help yourself, or did you want me to-“

“No. I want.. this.” He mouthed over your clothing and moaned into you. His eyes fluttered closed and he rested a hand on your breast, not pressing, not pulling, but just lending warmth from his skin to yours. His other hand pressed into your back gently, steadying both of you into the sensation.

Soon his hand crept beneath your chemise and brassiere. He pulled away from you, thumbing at your nipple and watching carefully for your reaction. The love in your eyes was everything. “May I… Mommy?” His cock was already half hard but with the use of that word, he found himself crossing his legs to hide the evidence of his arousal from you.

If the flush in your cheeks was anything to go by, it worked for you too. You swallowed hard and nodded. “Please, my bunny. My- my baby. Go on.” With your help, the material barrier between his mouth and your skin was pulled away. The heat from his mouth set a low burn in your belly and you gasped at his touch. His forehead furrowed. His eyes were tight shut. Dark lashes against his cheek. Sunlight in his hair. He was fucking beautiful. You couldn’t help yourself. You cooed at him running a hand through his hair:

“Such a good boy.”

“I wish you could see how handsome you are right now.”

“Mommy’s good little boy sucks on her tits so well.”

“That’s it, baby. Just suckle. Momma’s got you.”

Fewer things had brought you peace and simultaneously made you incredibly turned on. Ralph’s smile was one. But this? This was the next level of bliss. Your hands moved along his body: one stroking his hair, the other moving along his shoulder and side in slow soothing strokes. Words poured from your mouth as he continued to satiate himself.

“You are so gorgeous like this.”

“Sweet bunny boy. That’s it. You feel so good.”

“Such a strong boy with such a gentle mouth.”

“Momma loves this so much, baby boy.”

Ralph’s erection was becoming painful. Try as he might, he could not hope to conceal it from you and he was seconds from cutting it all short despite his very dreams coming true when your hand brushed his waist. He gasped and stared at you, another blush rising past his collar and ears. “What’s this?” you asked.

“N-nothing!”

“Shh… shh… It’s all alright, my sweet boy. Here.” You guided his mouth back to your nipple. Dumbly, he latched on, big brown cow eyes watching you. “My baby’s excited, yes? Did you want Mommy’s help? Mommy will help you.” He nodded, eyes filled with amazement.

Your hand caressed the unmistakable hardness beneath the material. Ralph whimpered. “Hush, sweet boy. I’ll be gentle. You’ll see.” For lack of any other lubricant, you licked your palm and worked your hand beneath the waistband of his undergarments. Ralph’s resulting moan was everything you had hoped for. “There’s Momma’s good boy. So thick and hard for me. What a lovely gift! Thank you, my sweet boy.” Ralph’s eyes went glassy and unfocused.

The slip of his soft skin in your palm was addicting. Suddenly, you were up for touching him like this any time he wanted you to. If only to see him so content and docile beneath your hands. You could see the tip of his cock leaking pearlescent in the late morning light. You passed a thumb over it, smoothing it along his shaft. His hands pushed into you, squeezing you harder, and his hips bucked. “Feel good, baby?” Ralph hummed in the affirmative. You chuckled. “Thought so. Think you could come for me?”

His eyes flew to yours once more and then just as quickly shut tight. “Please, Mommy. Want to be your good boy. Want to come for you.” It was little more than a whisper before he latched onto you again, his shyness painful and completely sexy.

“Good boy! Telling Mommy what he wants is so important! That’s Mommy’s sweet Ralph. My brave boy.”

The more you cooed and stroked him, the more Ralph’s eyes glassed over until they closed completely. The intimacy of lying there allowing him access to your body in such a specific and nurturing way, your hand providing that much needed friction to help him reach his climax and encouraging him with such sweet praise, Ralph thought he might first burst from happiness and then die from it. This was everything he ever wanted. You were everything he ever wanted.

His hips had a mind of their own. They stuttered and bucked up into your fist seeking completion. It caused him no end of embarrassment. “I’m so sorry, Mommy. I can’t help it. It’s just too-“

“That’s okay, baby. You use Mommy’s hand the way you need to. Come for me. You can do it. You’re doing so well.”

Ralph didn’t need much more encouragement. Soon your hand, his stomach and the bedsheets were spattered with his cum. His sighs as he came were filled with your name mixed with “Mommy” and his desire to be a good boy for you. “Oh my sweet Ralph. You are the best boy for me. Always and forever.”

It took Ralph a few minutes to come back down to earth. Once he did, he managed: “Thank you, darling. This was more than perfect.” His eyes were glassy once more. You kissed him slowly.

“Anytime, my beautiful boy. Just ask. I’ll be more than happy to do this again.”

“And I wasn’t too strange for wanting this?”

“Never. Honestly, I’ve wanted this too. I love taking care of you, Ralph. Thank you for letting me.” Ralph’s sleepy smile was brighter than sunshine. “Now, if you’ll let me take care of you further? Let’s get you cleaned up and tucked in, hmm? Time for a lazy Sunday cuddle and nap with my shy bunny boy. What do you say, sweet boy?”

“Yes, Mommy. That sounds lovely. Thank you.”

#fanfic #writing #joseph quinn #joe quinn #ralph timewasters #ralph penbury #ralph penbury x reader #ralph penbury x you #mommy k!nk #gentle fdom

[augustvandyne]

hey, I was wondering if you could write this for Lucy Chen? Where reader is doing everything possible to get her back from being kidnapped. Which leases to the reader exposing their relationship to everyone in the station and doesn’t care about what anyone thinks, and only wants to get their girl back. Thanks for your time.

it’s kinda short but i love miss lucy and love writing for her!! i hope she gets treated better in the new season!

lucy and angela are my current obsession so please ask about them 🙏🏼 i also am loving the andy asks right now too!!

our girl

You were the one that figured it out.

Lucy had had a particularly hard role in the case that had taken place yesterday, and you knew she needed something to take her mind off of it.

When the group of you—Jackson, Lucy, John, Armstrong, and you had went out a day or two prior, Lucy had been approached by an old friend, and the two had hit it off after so many years.

You pushed her to go out with him last night, but she never came home to yours, Jackson’s, and hers shared home.

Lucy and you had been dating for a short while, but in secret.

It’s not that you didn’t want anyone to know or that you didn’t want to fill out paper work, but the two of you enjoyed just being you. You were afraid that if you let anyone in on your little secret, it would ruin the two of you.

But you had gotten over that fear a while ago, and now you really didn’t care if anyone found out. Even though you still hadn’t told them.

“Have you seen Lucy?” You and Jackson were frantic to find Lucy. You were both praying on the inside that she’d just went straight to work instead of coming home first.

That hope was crushed when John replied with, “Uh, no, not yet.”

“She didn’t come home last night,” Jackson gave an anxious look towards you.

“She’s a grown woman. Why? Are you worried?” John led the two of you into the main part of the station before roll call.

“No—“

“Yes,” You said fast, earning stares from both men. “She— she always comes home. She never misses our shows.”

“She was supposed to come home and watch our show,” Jackson agreed.

John had led the two of you towards Harper to ask the same questions, although, she hadn’t seen Lucy either.

Nyla takes the three freaking out officers towards Grey and Tim, who try to think better of things, only for their suggestions to be shot down by the three.

“Everybody listen up,” Grey announces after giving everyone but you a job. “Officer Lucy Chen has not been seen for approximately 13 hours. Given the circumstance, we cannot rule out abduction. So stop whatever you’re doing. I want everyone on this until she’s located.”

Your throat tightens in your chest and you feel like you can’t breathe. It only gets worse when Nyla and John come back over to you and Grey to tell you that her phone hadn’t been pinged since last night, around when they were set to meet.

“We believe Caleb is Rosalind’s protégé,” Grey says to the group.

You clench your jaw, your nerves only getting worse. Your breathing becomes slightly shallow and your hands shaky.

“.. and he took Officer Chen.”

Your gaze goes to the floor as you begin to have a panic attack. Lucy was the only one who knew about your anxiety and the attacks you got. She was also the only one who knew how to help you through them.

“I know how upsetting this is, but we have to remain focused,” Grey says, him and Armstrong sharing a look at your shaking body. “She’s counting on us. Any questions? Officer L/n?”

“No,” You take in a deep breath. “I don’t accept this.”

“Officer L/n..” Grey approaches you and puts his hand on your shoulder to comfort you.

“No!” You cry. “I cannot lose her, do you understand? I will not lose her because some sick psychopath doesn’t want to give up what makes her feel good and because she won’t stop killing from behind bars. She’s my— she’s the love of my life and I can’t lose her. I love her, and I haven’t even gotten to tell her that yet,” You scoff. “So we have to find her. Do you understand me?”

A few people whispered behind you, and a look of surprise flashes through Grey’s eyes, before they turn back to sympathetic.

“We will find her,” Grey promises. “We will get our girl back.”

You collapse into Grey’s arms, wanting nothing more than to just be embraced even if it isn’t by Lucy.

“Come on, Y/n,” John pulls you from the Sergeants arms. “It’s going to be fine. We’ll find her. Even if I have to kill Rosalind myself.”

“I call dibs,” You say.

Rosalind’s clues lead you out to a house in the middle of nowhere.

Caleb had found Armstrong along the way, and while Nyla and John took care of him and Caleb, the rest of the team had the job of searching the thousands of miles of dirt for a single clue as to where your girl was.

You searched for what felt like ever in the scorching hot heat.

A light catches your eye and you realize it’s the ring you’d given Lucy a few weeks ago. She must’ve thrown the ring on the ground before she was forced into the barrel.

You gasped as you slid onto the ground, immediately picking the ring up.

You stumble with putting the ring into your pocket, grateful she’s below you, but also terrified of what you’ll find when you dig the barrel up.

“Over here!” Your voice breaks as you begin to dig the dirt up. “Over here! Hurry!”

You hear hurried footsteps as Angela, Jackson, Tim, and the whole crew come running towards you to help dig the barrel up.

A few officer have shovels which makes the eternity go by faster.

When you hit the top of the barrel, you pull on the lid with all your strength and try to pull her out of the barrel on your own, but you fail.

“Help me, come on! Help me get her out.”

You lay her on the dirt, her feet still slightly dangling into the barrel.

She isn’t breathing, and you perform CPR to revive her. The second she starts breathing again you have her in your arms, rocking her back and forth.

“Baby,” You cry into her hair.

“Y/n/n,” Lucy looks at you and begins crying, her head finding your chest so no one could see her face.

“Oh, Lucy,” You hold her right, never letting go. “I love you.”

#the rookie #the rookie x reader #send asks #wlw post #lucy chen #lucy chen x reader #tim bradford #wade grey #john nolan #jackson west

[wordy-little-witch]

Good golly gumdrops I'm gonna go absolutely apeshit real quick here

Disabled Buggy Ideas!!!!!!

Buggy who uses his Devil Fruit as a mobility aid on days when his joints are Extra Sore, especially his ankles/knees/etc.

Buggy who sometimes gets vertigo and so cannot always float around bc of the dizziness. On days like that, he has physical mobility aids.

His first aid was a can - Mohji and Ritchie stole it when the crew was still pretty new - Buggy was about 15, Mohji about 11, and Ritchie was a tiny little thing. They had noticed Buggy cringed a little more on certain days, when he walked or got up or sat down. They presented it to him with big smiles and Buggy wound up crying. They decorated it together.

His second aid was another cane, this one a gift from the crew, now bigger. They carved it and went absolutely ham with decorating it but sealing it well - his first one was a little worse for wear, paint chipping, wood a little roughed up. That one gets retired to a place of honor for Buggy's precious keepsakes. The new one is a bit sturdier too.

The third one came from someone on the crew actually. It was a hand me down. One of the tailors on board had recently gotten gifted a new walker to replace their forearm crutches. And when she was downsizing, she asked Buggy if he'd ever used them before, if he knew anyone who did. Those become his favored items because of the versatility, the cuffs, and how it evens out the pressure on his hands/wrists/elbows/shoulders.

At some points, he also gets braces, compression stuff, etc.

After Impel Down, his body was damn near debilitated. He was good for playing up the prestige and audacity and faux confidence, but Shanks saw through him immediately when he offered a ride on the Red Force. Luckily, an allied ship under them was also there and had the means and room to carry Buggy's accidentally-acquired men, women and others who sworn fealty to him. With strict orders from Buggy to mind their manners and to assist where they could, deferring to the ship's crew, they were set up there by majority. Few remained on the Red Force specifically.

Once away from prying, assessing, worshipping eyes, Buggy drops a few of the many masks he wears. He sags a little, moving to squeeze his eyes shut, pressing his palms over his eyes and grimacing as he tries to shift his weight.

A warm, calloused hand presses over his eyes. Buggy inhales shakily, letting his own hands move so Shanks could block the light from his gaze. He leaned into the touch.

"Hey," the redhead says softly, "Hongo wants to check you over. Do you want my room or the medbay?"

A strangled noise, not unlike a drowning cat, escapes the clown's mouth. Shanks shuffles closer, not touching, but close enough for his body heat to be felt.

"Okay," he breathes, "Okay, I've got you, Bugs..."

Buggy lets himself be led by his best friend, his Red, his Shanks, docile and blinded and dizzy. At some point he can Feel two people join them, and Shanks's voice, carefully soft and quiet and familiar, guides him along with gentle murmurs of "step in two, yeah, there you go"s and "duck your head for me, perfect"s.

At one point while stepping down the stairs, Buggy's right knee gives a sharp and deafening CRACK, white-hot-ice-blue pain shooting up and down his leg and hip. He chokes on it, body trying to split, to get away from the pain, and he teeters, teeth grit and breath stolen. A warm chest at his back steadies him, and Buggy gags at the disoriented agony. Shanks is oozing worry and anxiety, Hongo is nearly vibrating, Buggy is trying to keep from just falling to pieces on the floor- so Benn just rubs the blue haired pirate's shoulder. "It's alright," he soothes softly, gently, baritone warm and assuring. "I'm going to pick you up, alright? It's alright, I carry Cap over there all the time when he gets drunk as a skunk. Can I touch you?"

Buggy barely manages a nod, and he's only mildly ashamed of how tightly he clings when Benn lifts him so carefully, so kindly, breathing through the bubbles in his eyes and throat, the electricity in his veins and nerves. The soft pop-clicks of his body splitting and reconnecting filled the air.

They take Buggy to Shanks's room, hoping it would be less stressful. The preliminary check could be done with the generic things Hongo can grab and bring along, anything requiring something more severe would need preparation anyway, and it would take time to be able to execute safely. It was a hefty choice, but one none involved with could regret when Buggy, still coiled tightly and far too pale, clung tightly to Shanks's wrist, hand still over his eyes, like it was the only thing keeping him sane. Bad blood aside, he really was rather attached.

Maneuvering was tedious but nobody breathed a hint of complaint, not even Benn when Shanks immediately climbed into his own bed, gesturing to have the other captain given to him.

Hongo's initial assessment had him pursing his lips and breathing through fury, had Benn aching for a cigarette and Shanks visibly counting aloud to avoid an explosion of his Haki. Buggy was semi coherent through it all.

The next day, Hongo strictly tells Buggy to rest Or Else, to Especially Not Climb Or Run, to minimize walking as well. The stress fractures alone were bad, but the inflammation, the swelling, the EVERYTHING had his nerves on edge. Buggy, knowing not to question a medical professional, concedes. Shanks capitalizes on the Buggy Time, and he whines and complains the whole time he has to be away from his Bugaboo.

Galdino is a little skeptical, especially given how his own injuries were deemed not as severe. Buggy's embarrassed by the princess treatment, as Shanks calls it ((as Roger once called it when they were young and Buggy's flare ups really began in full, to Crocus's endless worry and frantic searches)). Meeting up with the Big Top yields answers yet brews more questions in turn as the other's immediately touch base with Hongo while some others scurry off once updated to 'grab the goods', only to return with a forearm crutch and colorful ace wraps.

It's a wild ride start to finish and Galdino is left with many, MANY questions, the other's as well, but Buggy's crew as well as Shanks's set them straight pretty quickly. After all, someone else's medical records are not your business and you have no right to pass judgement on someone's use of aids.

It's normalized for people in the Buggy Pirates to use different mobility aids, to see people out and about with things that they can use to better their quality of life and express themselves therewith.

Buggy's pillow case outfit is a play on that - on using his Devil Fruit for movement and ease of motion, for hiding his braves or wraps and for the additional bonus of playing on the perceptions of others.

Mihawk and Crocodile, once they join, are not privy to what is beneath the onesie. The former can, however, tell on occasion when Buggy's having a bad flare up, though not why.

It's only after Buggy tells them, either by choice or circumstantial events, the truth that they put together these pieces.

And from there? Well, neither of them are particularly Typical themselves. Mihawk has a nerve disorder which gives him difficulty with feeling pain. Crocodile is an amputee. They're not about to judge for any of that. They will however judge Buggy's tendency of pushing himself too far too frequently.

Just. Chronically ill/disabled Buggy. I love himmmm

#buggy headcanons #implied shuggy #implied cross guild poly #buggy pirates #headcanons #buggy my beloved #disabled pirates aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[l0serloki]

Good morning or afternoon wherever you are :) it’s kind of a niche area but do you mind doing a Chamber and or Yoru fic where their s/o is afraid of the dark and they comfort them? Tysm <3 I love your writing btw

Scared of the Dark

(Chamber & Yoru)

CW : Yoru is a bit mean at first - angst/comfort, self-doubt/feeling stupid, anxiety, fear of the dark

A/N : I didn't know if you wanted both so here you go!! I hope I wrote it correctly, if I didn't - let me know! Also, I made reader feel guilty/self doubting in Yoru's but know that I never meant that your fear is stupid - it definitely isn't! I'm so glad you love my writing! <3

Chamber : 

He gets it to an extent, everyone has fears

He’ll get a nightlight and cuddle with you (he has good intentions)

If music helps to distract you he would turn on some classical,, unless you wanted him to play for you

Tells you stupid stories about the agents to distract you

He’s always a hand away - he wants you to wake him up if you’re scared

You couldn’t but feel the panic seep in as you laid in bed. The lack of light slowly getting closer and closer, you shuddered. Your hands reached out to Vincent, lightly shaking him awake. You felt your throat close as you waited for him to wake up. 

“Y/N? Did you wake me?” Chamber’s groggy voice cut through the abyssal silence. His body turned and you heard him gasp. “Oh mon amour, come here.” His arms circled around your shaking figure, cocooning your face into his shoulder. “You’re fine. I’m here. Don’t worry about anything.” He continued to console, slowly pulling you out of the anxious state. 

“There we are. Why don’t I tell you a story about the other day?” His warm lips came down to press against your forehead, soothing you. “Yes, I’d like that.” 

Chamber had gone on about how Phoenix had gotten stuck in a baby swing and he almost burnt down the playground. You couldn’t help but smile up at him, glad for his presence. He was always there when you needed him the most.

Yoru : 

What? You’re scared of the dark and dating THE riftwalker? (he’s an idiot sometimes)

He’s honestly confused at first and doesn’t understand

Once you explain it to him he gets it a bit more

I feel like he tries his best but doesn’t fully get how to comfort people

He will turn on a movie and hold you in his arms

“You’re safe anyways, I basically own the dark.” (cocky bastard, he’s gonna make it about himself 90% of the time)

He got you stuffed animals for when he’s not home so you ‘wouldn’t be alone’

He loves you lots and tries his best for you, he’ll get the hang of it one of these days

“Y/N, I can feel you shaking the bed.” Yoru’s voice cut through the air, his comment only making you feel worse. Sometimes Yoru didn’t realize his words only made you feel guilty. You didn’t want to wake him up over something ‘menial’. 

You whimpered when his rough hands flipped you over to face him. “What’s wrong?” His breath fanned against your face, hands rubbing up and down your arms. “It’s stupid..” You murmured and were met with a snort. “Obviously not, if you are this worked out. My blossom, I cannot help you if you don’t tell me what's wrong.” 

“The dark, ‘Ru. It freaks me out.” 

“The dark? That’s it? Well that’s fine.. We can just turn on the lights or watch something.” he shrugged it off, clicking the lamp on. 

“Are you tired? I have a new movie that I wanted to watch.” He pulled you on top of his chest, hand gripping the back of your head. “That’s fine. Turn it on.” You felt your breathing start to relax as his hands rubbed circles on your scalp.

“You could’ve just woken me up, you know. I am the riftwalker after all - I’ll fight your darkness.” As cheesy as the comment was, you couldn’t help but feel safe. “Yeah, I will next time. Thanks ‘Ru.” He hummed as the movie's noise droned everything else out. He would always be by your side, no matter what.

#chamber x reader #chamber valorant #chamber #valorant chamber #vincent fabron #yoru x reader #yoru x reader fluff #yoru valorant #yoru #chamber x reader fluff #valorant #valorant x you #valorant x reader #valorant headcanons #valorant fanfiction #valorant imagines

[yuurei20]

Twisted Wonderland the Novel: Getting Them to Listen

Ace, Deuce, Yuuya and Grim successfully find a magestone only to be chased away by a monster telling them to get out and that the stone is theirs. The situation immediately devolves into finger-pointing and arguments, which Yuuya tries his best to manage.

“Yuuya merely stands there, surrounded by three loud voices. An endless loop of ‘All of this is your fault!’, ‘You’re the one who started it!’, echoes like wailing in his ears. Yuuya looks down at his own clenched fists and realizes that his hands are shaking. He had ran so hard that he thought his heart would burst—had never been so out of breath in his entire life—and now he is stone cold, despite the heat of the moment from mere minutes prior. Anxiety has seized him in a crushing embrace.

He can’t handle fighting. He hates it. He has lived his whole life doing everything he can to avoid it.

And yet, what about all that has happened since yesterday? The more he runs away from trouble, the worse it gets.

Provocation to threats, threats to arguments, arguments to violence.

It has been one terrible thing after another.

And isn’t this all his own fault? If he had been able to say something back in the cafeteria, would things have turned out differently? Would none of this be happening?

Even covering his ears with his hands Yuuya can still hear the angry noise that surrounds him, and suddenly finds himself yelling, ‘Let’s just stop fighting!’

The argument ends in dead silence. It seems that not one of them had thought Yuuya capable of speaking in such a voice.

‘You made me jump half outta my fur.’ Grim has gone entirely stiff, his fur standing on end in all directions.

For the first moment both Ace and Deuce look surprised as well, but this is soon replaced with mere annoyance.

‘Let’s not fight? What’s that even supposed to mean?’ Ace scoffs. ’This isn’t the time to be putting on some goody-goody act. You forget something? The one who is going to suffer most from us not getting that stone? Is you. You don’t even have a place to go home to. And yet here you are, telling us “Fighting is bad, so let’s all hold hands and play nice”? Stay out of this.’ Ace scoffs again, raising his chin as though dismissing Yuuya with his entire body.

No matter what Yuuya says Ace will turn it back onto him, multiplied in force by ten- or even a hundredfold. 

If he were still the Yuuya he was before all of this, there is no question he would concede and shy away.

But just in this moment, his words leave him naturally, without a single stutter. They can simply not go on as they have been; he knows this with sharp, painful clarity.

‘That’s not what I mean.’

‘You had better not be trying to say that you’re ready to give up.’ Deuce scratches his head, radiating frustration.

‘…I’ll be honest, okay? I’m scared. But we need a magestone, no matter what it takes. I’ll do anything. I’d give an arm—both my arms—to do this!’

‘And I’m telling you to stop mixing me up in this mess of yours.’

‘If you hadn’t gotten in my way, Ace, I would’ve been able to take it down!’

‘As if. The only thing you’re good for is cauldrons. And you couldn’t even aim it right!’

‘What was I supposed to do!? Something like that shows up and you think you can calm right down?’

And the arguing has begun again. Bickering, fighting, and no progress at all.

As they fight over whose magic it is that is holding them all back, Yuuya remembers something Crowley once said: “Magic is not a catch-all solution”. Even magical power that looks like something out of a dream might, in actuality, be much more difficult to control than one might think. In Deuce’s case, it seems he cannot use his magic properly if he is unable to concentrate.

‘I’ll stay calm and handle it next time, wait and see.’ Deuce insists, but his voice rings hollow. There is no way he will be able to face a threat like that and keep his cool, and the uncomfortable look upon his face tells them all that he well knows it.

‘It’s like Ace-kun says: we’re never going to be able to get a magestone at this rate. If we challenge it head-on it will just take us all out.’

’What do we do then?’

‘What do we do? Well…we could combine our strengths, for one thing.’

‘Combine our strengths?’ Ace sticks out his tongue in disgust.’ How cheesy is that? You gonna start telling us to protect the weak and how we should all just get along?’

‘I, that’s…that’s not what I mean.’

‘That what DO you mean? All you did was turn and run. How do you even intend to  "combine strengths" with me when that’s your go-to reaction?’

Yuuya suddenly recalls something that the ghosts had told him: the prideful students of Night Raven College wield superior magical powers and rely on no one. How can Yuuya possibly stand alongside them? The magicless Yuuya, the most useless of them all.

Come to think of it, when they were fighting the ghosts themselves, why did Grim ever deign to listen to him in the first place?"

--

(this seems abrupt, but this is literally where the scene ends before cutting to the monster fight)

#twstnovel #Kuroki Yuuya #twisted wonderland #twst translations

[pearldog30]

Heyyyy soap with a s/o that loves to draw/paint?

I know this man loves to draw and sketch on his journal 😸 hcs plz

hope you take this

Soap with an s/o who loves to write like him.

(sorry this took a while to write. my algorithm has been so messed up, which is why this took longer than it should have)I've been meaning to write for the rest of the guys, I just haven't gotten around to it with personal life. and this is just a breath of fresh air thank you! And I get to do my soapy boy🥺

Other works 👉Master list

Warnings| pure fluff, and little mentions of his anxiety.

(credit Google. I'm sorry but can we just talk about this for a moment. poor Riley 😭)

When you and soap first got together. he didn't know about your secret little hobby, because you would always get called a nerd for it. so when you saw that soap had the same hobby, you got so excited.

And when he eventually found out. THIS MAN BEGGED TO SEE EVERY ONE OF YOUR PAINTINGS/DRAWINGS, EVERYTHING. He'll even show you all of his just to see your work. Even if it's bad he'll admire it, this man does not care.

Now if you're a new drawer he'll help you out and give you little tips or trucks. But if you're a pro, he'll constantly ask you for tips and tricks.

He constantly asked if you want to draw with him. or go on little dates, which these little dates would end up being little picnics to the park/Beach or wherever you live and just letting your creativity out. and these are the moments he soaks up so much, and is in LOVE. the fact he has someone who shares the same love as he does for drawing. And it gets him away from life, missions, etc, he has to deal with.

Y'all's love languages for each other is drawing. what can I say y'all are a creative bunch.

Often while he's on mission, he'll send you little drawings he's made over the course of months/weeks. usually these involve a photo he has of you 2, or something he saw that reminds him of you. and it brings tears to your eyes every. single. time. And whatever the drawing is it always ends off with (in cursive) love from your soapy boy.

I'm going to say to probably be the first to say it. HE CANNOT PAINT FOR THE LIFE OF HIM, JUST DON'T LET HIM PAINT. IT ENDS IN ANGER AND HIM THROWING IT. (And tons of Scottish yelling)

Now depending if you draw on iPad or paper HE WILL BUY YOU THE BEST OF THE BEST IPAD/DRAWING SUPPLIES. (A literal drawers dream to put it lightly) he's not afraid to break his bank account over your hobby.

Let's all be honest here drawing is very therapeutic for him, and it helps relieve his anxiety. and if it is the same for you he'll notice it. and always check in to make sure you're okay, and if you want to talk about it or not.

Now this is for all the new drawers who can't draw. (aka myself) depending on how bad sometimes it comes out, he'll try his hardest not to burst out laughing. but once you notice it, it's game over. And depending on how you react to it. he'll chase you around and apologize, and say how good you did. for instance "Johnny it's horrible" you say pouting. "N- no hen it.. it's amazing. I just have one question though? why does his nose look like a dick." He can't help but burst out laughing, the final part. which just makes you feel worse but he'll make it up with cuddles, or maybe something more 👀

One time for a date he thought it would be a good idea! to take you guys to a painting class and let's just say...... (Never again.)

And if y'all have a pet together. trust me y'all have spent many quiet rainy days, sitting in y'all's living room watching your pet peacefully sleep drawing them in his/her sleeping position.

Oh yeah and by the way the 141 KNOWS ALL ABOUT IT. It's the only thing he talks about/if you go in his barracks room it is covered in your drawings/paintings. (He lowkey hopes some of the guys are jealous. because who wouldn't be. you're such a talented drawer, everybody deserves to know who you belong to.)

(this is just his own little head Cannon has nothing to do with his s/o) he does have his secret little notepad, that he keeps from everybody. that he draws all of his panic attacks/what happens in them, and the flashback he has. cuz in a way it helps him and it helps get the horrors out of his mind so them being on paper and away from him it helps him.

I feel like if you're really good at it, he'll sometimes ask if you can do a drawing of him and the 141 and they'll hang it up in the lunchroom. (Low key price stares at it like the dad he is. and is proud soap found someone who makes him happy, and is talented.)

You 2 have drawled each other naked before 👀. (Not going to lie you boost his ego when you did that the first time) rather you did it without him knowing, and let your imagination do the wandering. or he forced you to pay him like one of your French girls. when he saw it he cannot stop blushing.

(he's also low key amazing at hand cursive writing. and nobody understands it.)

And that's going to be the end for this. I've been having writer's block, so like doing this kind of help. anyways I hope you are having a good day/night wherever you are. reblogs. and comments are always appreciated 🖤

#call of duty mw2 #modern warfare 2 #cod mw2 #soap mactavish #johnny mactavish #john mctavish #john mactavish #john soap mctavish #soap cod #john soap mactavish #cod soap #soap mw2 #cod mw2 soap #soap call of duty #soap mctavish #johnny soap mactavish #mw2 headcanons #call of duty headcanons #head cannon #soap headcanons #soap hcs #johnny mactavish head cannon #request #ask

[chaoticmannamedoliver]

🏳️‍⚧️[ Below is a vent about being trans, and how an expensive product doesn't work for me. This post is not in the orange color i love so it's easier to read if you do decideto read it.]🏳️‍⚧️

I am a FTM(female to male) trans person living in Germany.

I bind with KT tape and trans tape cause i cannot breathe in binders, and i know i will pass out if i do attempt to wear them. Also, money is tight, and i therefore cannot afford binders and the shipping of them.

My local KT tape works fine! Just blisters my sides. It stays on my body for quite a bit, and sometimes i forget it's even there!

(Having your tape blister you is NOT GOOD BTW. Its just the best i can do. If you have tips on having your KT tape not blister you i would greatly appreciate it cause that would ease my stress a TON)

But the trans tape my boyfriend had gotten me lasts maybe a day? Maybe two or three? It doesn't blister me though, which is definitely good.

But a product which is much more expensive than the kt tape performing much much worse than it duration wise? it makes me feel so powerless. Like all the control i had over my dysphoria just slips away like sand! I cannot leave my home when my chest isn't bound. My dysphoria feels like a disability- like a constant choking feeling. And i fucking hate it. I am trying my best to get my transition going with a luckily supportive family that has already switched to my chosen name- but i need help with the medical things from my therapist who i don't see as often as i want to- she had trans patients before and knows how to do the papers and my anxiety prevents me from doing it alone.

I am trying my best but my best doesn't feel good enough and me writing this post feels like im just complaining, considering others have it far worse than me but these are just feelings im feeling- feelings i want people to know about n have them reach people who feel similar to me and reach people who have advice cause i really really need it.

#@chaotic man named oliver #trans #trans masc #transgender #trans ftm #i hate dysphoria #dysphoria mention #body dysphoria #dysphoria #chest dysphoria #trans tape #kt tape #chest binding #tape binding #German #he/they #transition #vent post #personal vent #trans vent

[randomreadingtimewithtsuki]

Hi

I thought you were a new writer, but it turns out I've read your work before, lol. My favorite are hugs with Jean Jacques (Jean Jacques, my bun. He's such an underrated character... I showed this work to my mother because she also likes Jean Jacques. She was delighted) and a marriage proposal from Noe

They are so wonderfully written and fill my heart with warmth. Thank you very much! Can I ask for more favors for Noe?

Oh, it's hard for me to express my thoughts in English, but I'll try to make it understandable... The female reader cannot fall asleep because of thunderstorms and cold. She comes to Noe at night to fall asleep in warmth and comfort. I think Noe is very warm, and it can be used as a pillow. He also has a great voice in anime. It seems to me to hear him say something while the reader is falling asleep is very comforting

I probably wrote too much. Ignore this if you are uncomfortable writing this. Have a good day! Don't forget to take care of yourself 💕✨

Hello!

That 's so sweet! I am glad you both enjoy my writting!

It makes me very very happy to hear such kind words! Thank you!

I hope you also like this next piece!

Let me know what you think!

Oh and your English was just fine. To be honest english is not my first language either, so no worries! You didn't write too much at all! You are always welcome to come chat whenever you'd like!

----------------------------------------------

You had tucked yourself for the night. The sky was clear, it had a cold wind, but nothing that a warm blanket couldn't fix.

After an hour you had gone to bed the wind had gotten stronger, so you decided to check outside. The sky had dark clouds approaching - clear sign of a storm.

You went back to bed hoping the storm would just pass by, so you covered your head with a blanket and tried to sleep.

The storm got worse and with it the thunder came around. They sounded closer and closer, you just couldn't take jumping at every lighting anymore.

So you decided to pay a visit to your neighbor - Noé. You knocked on the door while being rolled up in a blanket like a burrito.

Noé was terribly sleepy, so it seemed like he took forever to open the door. You cursed under your breath for having such a laid back friend.

When he opened the door, you saw a white mess of a bed hair and very very tired voiced:

Noé: Y/N? What's wrong?

You shy away in your blankets:

Y/N: I- I, it's just -

Before you could conclude a loud thunder fell near the place you both were staying.

You cowered and hugged Noé. Surprisingly he caught on that you were scared of the noises.

So he led you inside the room, you were holding the hem of his shirt as you walked.

He sat you on the bed and sat next to you:

Noé: Y/N, I didn't know you were afraid of storms.

YN: I am not, is just … too loud.

You could feel his gaze on you. Noé looking at the window from his spot. He decided to get up and close the curtains.

You were thankful for this little act. Noé came back to sit next to you, but this time he rubbed circles on your back.

You peeked through the blankets, he was yawning. It was adorable how thoughtful he was despite being tired.

Before you could say something, another thunder fell close by and that made you turn into a little ball of anxiety:

Noé: Y/N? Are you ok?

Y/N: Y-yes.

Noé: if you are that scared…. Then! We could do a fort!

Y/N: A…. fort?

Noé: Blanket fort!

He was so close to you, eyes sparkling with excitement. You blushed furiously and before you could even blink he got up and started building the fort.

While he was at it Murr came to you. The cat meowed at you and proceeded to lay on your lap effectively making you forget about the next thunder.

When Noé was done with the fort you could see how neatly the blankets fell from the chairs. He used the couch's pillows to do the floor of the fort.

He invited you in, with just shiny eyes that you couldn't hold back a giggle.

Noé tilted his head not quite understanding why you were laughing, but he soon smiled. Hey, at least you weren't scared anymore right?

You crawled into the fort, it was more spacious than it looked like. After you entered Noé and Murr. It was comfortable and bigger than expected but still small for two people and a cat:

Y/N: Noé? This is really cute and all but…

Noé: It is nice isn't it?

Y/N: It is, but.. it's kind of cramp-

Another thunder fell outside making you jump and curl into Noé. He just hugged you and patted your head.

As your heart calmed down you realized Noé was moving.

Soon you realized he placed you in-between his legs, making it more comfortable for the two of you:

Noé: Is this better Y/N? This way you won't knock down the fort and the thunder won't be so loud!

He said that so cheerfully. With such a sweet voice that once again, you felt your face heat up. You had no strength to argue or even agree with him - he was so so cute that you just let your head fall on his chest, leaning his forehead on him.

He patted your head and you felt him sigh. At this moment you felt something fluffy walk near you - you turned your head to see Murr laying near your legs.

You sighed this time and buried your face on Noé. He didn't seem to mind at all.

Soon enough you both were fast asleep. Tonight was a dreamless, warm night. The thunder felt so far away, it no longer scared you.

you silently wished you could have more nights like this one.

Warm and safe. Nothing to worry about and just be silly, of course, as a bonus you had Murr and his fluffy fur around your skin too.

You woke woke with bangs on the door and a familiar voice - an angry one:

?? : Noé! Get up! It's morning you stupid blood sucker!

Oh Vanitas voice. Noé? It was then you realized you were in his room. You got up quickly to find Noé snoring and Murr looking very annoyed at you both.

You silently panicked. Vanitas was yelling about taking the door down and before he could do that, you quickly left the room through the window, but you left your blanket behind.

By the time you heard the door being swung open, you had just entered your room. You felt bad about leaving Noé with an angry Vanitas, but you could not bear to be seen like that by Vanitas.

You got changed quickly and walked away from your room, all you could hear was Vanitas screaming something about a childish thing to do.

When you met them both, you expected Noé to be mad at you, but instead he smiled brightly and took both of your hands on his:

Noé: Y/N! I am so glad you are OK!

You blushed a bit and Vanitas looked very very confused. But he knew better than to ask what he was talking about.

You giggle and, in a whisper, you apologized to him for leaving:

Noé: It's ok! I figured it would be too hot eventually!

Y/N: That's not… sure, I will go with that.

He smiled so brightly at you. But this moment was striking down by a pissed Vanitas that started yelling and dragging the two of you down the street.

----------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading!

I hope this is of your liking !

#vanitas no carte x reader #vnc #vnc x reader #vanitas no carte #noe archiviste #noe archiviste x reader #noe vnc

[pinkieloveheartpastel]

tw: IBS, bowel problems, chronic illness, chronic pain, severe pain, starvation, near-death experience:

•

•

•

I need to talk about just how serious having IBS is and how it needs to be taken seriously as a disability. And how it IS a disability.

I cannot go anywhere without thinking about the fact that I may need to use the restroom, and I may end up in the restroom for a very long time, almost an hour, because my bowels decided to do a messy fucking diarrhea today, and I have to be somewhere in a few minutes, and I don’t have my wet wipes!!! Why tf are you doing this now???

My anxiety affects my bowels. They’re connected so deeply it hurts. And that means if I’m having a panic attack, my bowels immediately become loose af, and that pains me so much. I try so hard not to let my anxiety get to me, but even a small ounce of it will have me running to the toilet. And if I try to hold it in, omfg.

I have to deal with SO MUCH FUCKING PAIN. I’m having a good day and then suddenly BAM!! Knives!!! All day!!! It’s even worse when it’s at the end of your anus, omfg!!!

My IBS has gotten to a point where I woke up early in the morning in severe pain because I was ended up needing an enema because my bowels were so backed up I couldn’t poop for DAYS. That happened a few years ago. I will never forget it. I almost died. I couldn’t even drink water. And the worst part was the fact that there was no feces directly in my bowels… they were UP THERE WITH MY OTHER ORGANS. THAT IS A DIFFERENT KIND OF PAIN. THE NOT BEING ABLE TO BREATHE KIND OF PAIN!!!!

I cannot enjoy, or relax like everyone else because I’m constantly thinking about my bowels, and if it’ll start to act up right now, while I’m over here relaxing on the beach, or on a boat, and start giving me pains that feel like sharp daggers stabbing me constantly.

I cannot eat the way other people do, because, for example, if I eat this whole plate of food right now, I will not be able to eat anything else for the rest or the day, and even the next day. I have to constantly skip food because my bowels fucking hate me that much.

If y’all don’t have IBS, y’all do not know just how painful it really is. The pain is excruciating and so severe that I now have bleeding issues, aka HEMORRHOIDS.

IBS is often not considered a chronic illness nor chronic pain, nor is it even considered a disability when it is all three of those things and more. It is disruptive, excruciatingly painful and uncomfortable, and just overall DISABLING.

When I used the restroom, MY BOWELS DO NOT EMPTY OUT COMPLETELY. There’s always that lingering feeling that I’m not finished, and it always feels like I’m not finished at all, and I’m clearly not, but the rest WILL NOT COME OUT. So I have to go about the rest or my day feeling deeply uncomfortable. And it is the worst feeling.

On top of that, you’re constantly made to feel like you’re disgusting because “how dare you have a gross disability!!! Eww why can’t you just be normal? Just drink water!”

I often wondered to myself if I could ever be in a relationship, ever, because I feared I’d be looked at as completely untouchable. (Luckily I am not, because my partner is very understanding and isn’t judgmental, which should be the standard for all relationships.)

FLATULENCE. SO MUCH FUCKING FLATULENCE!!!! AND I ALWAYS HOPE IT’S JUST GAS AND NOT SOMETHING ELSE!!!!! CAUSE MOST OF THE TIME IT DON’T FEEL LIKE GAS. AT ALL.

I have to take fiber almost every single day. Because if I don’t, my bowels will try to kill me…. AGAIN. And drinking water ALONE won’t help. I have to starve myself in order to be able to use the bathroom, because that’s the only way it’ll function even a little bit.

Even if I’m super fucking hungry, stomach growling and everything, my bowels are so fucking full, or nearly full, that I can’t even eat one small tiny little cracker.

I will never know what it feels like to have empty, working bowels that don’t make it their life’s work to attack me every five seconds.

#disabled #disability #bowel problems #ibs #irritable bowel syndrome #chronic pain #chronic illness #ableism

[dowhatisaynotwhatido]

5. Article - Wheezing

Paring: Bea / Ina

Warning:  angst, disease, panic attack

Description: part 7 of The article series. After the article breakup, Bea has an asthma attack and needs Ina's help.

Word count: 1205

~Bea POV~

As I ran down the hallway after seeing Ina again weeks after the the "breakup", I didn't know if it was a panick attack or my asthma again, but it was bad.

"Are you alright, Bea? Do you need some water or something?" -Zoey said

" No, just my inhaler. It's just a mild attack"

•Damn it - cofcof- where the hell is it?•

Searching for my inhaler in the mess of my bag in the middle of the hall was certaintly the most ridiculous moment of my life. But the desperation made me empty my bags content all over the floor.

•found it, thank god.•

~psst~ psst~

It didn't work. •'What'a'hell? Not now, not now, not now'•

Now I was definitely panicking.

As my breathing started getting even harder and the coughing became a thigh pain in my chest that develop to a full blown out wheezing event, I knew it wasn't "mild" anymore

~psst~ psst~

" Zoey, get Ina"

"What?"

"GET HER!"

Last thing that I remember was that commanding voice and warming presence.

"Focus on me... just breathe.. please"

~Ina POV~

After her clumsy and rushed outing of the lecture I catched myself thinking about following her and demanding that she took a better care of herself. How dared she? She looked ill and distress: have she been eating at all?

"I need to talk to her, that can't keep going on!"

• no, you can't. Leave her alone:  - she doesn't need you making her life any har...•

"PROFESSOR!  I.. SHE.. BREATHE.." Zade stormed into the lecture hall

"Calm down, Ms Wade. What is happening?"

"IT'S BEA! HER INHALER IS NOT WORKING!"

My heart was a hundred mile a second as I rushed through the hallways nearly hitting several students and colleagues in my way. •"No..No..No..NO!"•

I founded her leaning over the wall, her whole belongings scattered across the floor, she was frail and trying to get a single puff in her mouth without success. She looked tired. Very tired. Too tired.

"Zoey call 911 STAT! Bea, it is ok, come on focus on me. I just need you to breathe, ok? Open your mouth for me" she looked at me with genuinely fear.

"Yes, Ina"

I took my own personal inhaler from my bag and puffed. She couldn't hold it in, or do it properly at all, but it needed to work. As I administered the medication, I sitted her on the floor and brought her to my lap and into my arms.

She loosely setted her arms around me, putting her cheek to my shoulder and trying to calm down her anxiety (both of our anxiety) as I rocked both of us in a soothing manner.

"I am here. It is just an asthma attack, you know this. In a second your airway is going to open up. Just trust me"

•remember the training, 4 puffs, 30 seconds apart, calm the victim, the anxiety makes everything worse!•

And puffed again..

"You are going to be fine, Bea. I am right here and I am not gonna let anything happen to you, ok? You are ok. The 911 is coming. Just breathe".

I didn't care that we were in the middle of the hallway. A whole crowd watching me care for her so openly, my student, my Bea, in my arms, in my comfort. It didn't matter.

• I cannot lose her, not like this. Please•

*Puff*

The tiredness seemed slightly better, but she was getting drowsy and started falling in and out of conscience..

"Focus on me... just breathe.. please"

*puff*

-------

Several hours later, Ina was waiting for Bea to recover her conscience in the hospital. Her parents haven't gotten to town yet and Zoey was a absolutely mess of anxiety,  so Ina has sented her home.

"Go get your place ready for Bea's parents, Zoey. Your anxiety will not help here"

"I.. I was lost! I didn't know what to do! That damn thing wasn't puffing and I .."

" Zoey, it is okay. It must have clogged, or it was empty, out of date, just misfunctioning.. I am glad you found me"

" She told me to get you... I didn't know you had asthma" Zoey stared at Ina with confusion.

• I didn't.  I bought that inhaler the very first time that Bea used hers in front of me. Her asthma wasn't a fan of Lexy's perfum, funny enough. I've keepted it with me everyday since then.  But I wasn't going to confess that to Ms. Wade•

" My niece has asthma so I carry one in my bag. I must have told Ms. Hughes someday. Please, just go. I will inform you of further developments".

Ina was left alone, watching closely Bea's chest raise and fall in perfect peace. She finally rested in the armchair close to her and drifted off.

--------

"Ina, wake up"

" uhm? What? Where am I?"

"Well, I am the one in with an IV and in a hospital bed, so I think you should be the one telling me that - did you sleep here?" Bea said with a funny tone in her voice

" oh, sure! Yes. Sorry. You had an asthma attack, your inhaler didn't work. How are you felling?" Ina asked trying to level herself with a big smile, while her heart was full of seeing that she was in good health.

"Sore, tired and slightly confused by the sight of you sleeping next to my hospital bed.. again, did you sleep here?"

"Yes. Zoey was too distress and your parent flight will arrive only this morning. I know that you wanted to keep the distance. But I didn't want you to be alone".

• fuck. she still cares. After this much time, she still does•

"Yes, well, thank you for staying. " as Bea felt her eyes starting to get glazed by the the affection in Ina's statement, she saw herself getting hope again. And that was a hard no.

"But you can go now. I can handle myself while they don't arrive and I'm sure you need to get back to your office".

"But.."

"Thank you, Professor Kingsley. But please go". There it was again. The hurt, the heart break, the fear.

" Non sense, Bea. Let me get you something to eat. I promise to go when someone else arrive."

"You shouldn't have come, Ina " Bea was fierce in her statement

"How couldn't I? I almost lost you!" As she said that, Ina saw fear, hope, hurt and resolve crossing briefly Bea's face.

" You have already lost me, Ina".

That hurted. More than Ina could predict or express. Was it true? Was it all gone? She knew that it had to do with that stupid Conclusion. But she was right - wasn't she?

"Well. I see you in class then, Ms. Hughes." She rapidly dismissed before sucumbing to the urge of climbing in that bed and making Bea take it back.

As Ina collected herself and approached the door, she asked

"How did you know that I had an Inhaler?"

"Cause you used to care". Bea said refusing to look at Ina

• I still do. Always•

#ina kingsley #ina x mc #choices #wlw

[victoriazanaademi]

So my grandpa had to go to the ER. He has had slight difficulty breathing and a persistent phlegm-y cough.

He called the doctor and said it had gotten way worse and I am gonna be honest. It is scaring the shit out of me. Because these were the exact same symptoms my mom had before she died. I know my grandpa cannot live forever but just imagining a world without him just weighs heavy on my heart.

My mental health is bad as it is...I don't think it can take another loss of a family member. I feel like crying but yet my tears refuse to come. I hate this feeling and I know venting here helps to a degree. But I can't help but get a big ball of anxiety and fear in my belly. What if grandpa is sicker than we thought...what if this is a sign of his time on earth ending? 

My therapist is booked solid and my uncle is away at work and his workplace is so far away so I have no one else to turn to to talk about this. He said he'd call and keep me updated but he hasn't called. He left three hours ago. 

I don't know what else to do and who else to turn to.  

But I am scared for my grandpa's sake.

#venting

[fraener]

10/29/23

been a little over a month since my last entry. things picked up with g, we write each other notes we exchange through the weeks in our absences from one another, we have strange and funny and nervous sex occasionally, we dont talk about how hard it is for either of us. we find ways to avoid the elephants. i want to be able to say that h has gotten better but things have really only gotten worse. we had a long discussion where we decided to open things up, which seems so counterintuitive now. he is taking any opportunity to punish me. i know he's moving through big feelings about this and really struggling hard against his traumas and scarcities but its so hard to keep up with his shifts in mood. he doesnt like that ive been taking more time to myself, he doesnt like that im still somehow afloat, and he especially doesnt like it any time i spend any time at all with g. my maternal grandmother died a couple of weeks ago and i have been flattened slowly by it. i feel like im drowning. h didnt seem to even bat an eye at the news, has offered so little support or comfort in this and i am grieving slowly and bitterly and violently by myself. i cry in snatches- the shower, the hall on my way in or out of the house, in the small hours in my bed. it feels like something ill be punished for doing. my schoolwork has been suffering for it, most definitely. ive been bothered by night spirits and pulled in and out of my sleep nearly every night for weeks. some part of me is keeping tally and building cases, some part of me is frothing slowly into resentment and vengeance. how dare anyone deny me my grief. how dare someone i have supported and cared for so much mock, belittle and resent my struggle. how dare anyone ask me to love them if they cannot walk the street holding my hand. i am feeling so alone and so overwhelmed by others needs. becoming more and more livid, more and more cold, more and more tetchy. h comes at me with his punishing tone, remarks, attitude and behavior near daily, then walks it back a little later with apologies and offerings, then resents when i dont want what hes trying to give me, and goes right back into the resentful behavior. ive also been having so many physical symptoms get worse and worse. ive been having trouble breathing, a rise in anxiety and panic attacks, my digestive system is a mess and has been for months, periods inconsistent, joint pain no matter what i do. i feel exhausted all the time. it all feels like a bad dream i havent been able to wake up from, even right down to my poor suffering house spirits. i dont even have words for how im doing or feeling anymore. my divinations from last friday all said i was going on a journey soon. i am trying to get comfortable with the idea of departure. the world will show me unsympathetically just how alone i can be...but i want to meet that with humor, desire and bravery.

[a-very-fond-farewell]

.

#keeping it real for a bit #tw for negativity and general thoughts on anxiety and grief #stay away if these things bother you #look after yourself #here I go.... #so. my anxiety has gotten worse and I cannot breathe #I can take only tiny puffs of air in quick succession and that’s it #my family is dealing with another emergency and it’s very possible that we’ll be mourning very soon #it would be the third time this year #my parents are basically freaking out and dealing with my issues not in the healthiest way #telling me I have to ‘get out of this slump’ bc life is harsh and I need to get used to it #bc they cannot handle 2 crisis at the same time. and I’m obviously young and healthy so I should just get on with the program #(they are telling me this in a positive tone... but their wording choice could be improved) #it’s not just this emergency that’s bothering me. I’ve been in a bad place since last year and my body cannot hold up anymore apparently #my parents are confused bc I was faking being fine so well they hadn’t even caught a whiff of my situation #I feel guilty bc our relative’s deteriorating health is clearly more important and I feel like I’m a burden #moreover. I’ll soon have to take sleeping meds again bc I cannot sleep #(I have a bad history with sleeping meds and their side effects so it’s also a bit triggering for me. but I’m fine) #the only free time I had for my hobbies was during nighttime... so I won’t have that anymore #I’ll write my fics when I will be able to. maybe I can squeeze some free time in between uni work... but I’m not sure #sorry for the negativity in the tags #this is not a call for help #nor me asking for suggestions #cake care of yourself in the meantime #sneaky niki

[dp-marvel94]

Below the Greenhouse

For Phic Phight 2021. Prompt by @ave-aria: Maddie discovers the depths of Vlad's obsessions when she stumbles upon his secret lab. Despite the shock, part of her almost isn't surprised by the stolen Fenton Tech, the ripoff ghost portal, or the eerie Holo-Maddie—but the clone she finds floating in the pod at the back of the room? That's another matter entirely.

Word Count: 7,951

Also on AO3 and Fanfiction.net

Note:

Me: *sees a prompt with the word clone*

Me: Oh no.

We all know why this happened.

 Maddie knew Vlad Masters was a creep. She did. And she’d known this for a while, even when she, Jack, and Vlad were in college. Before his accident, she had known he'd been preparing to profess his “love” and ask her out, even though he’d known full-well she and Jack were dating. And while, that might have been forgivable back then, when all of them were young and naive and Vlad didn’t hold such bitterness towards her husband, it wasn't now.

Now, Maddie knew Vlad was hopelessly bitter. After his accident, he’d refused to talk to them. He’d shut them out of his room when they visited the hospital and after he’d been released, he’d refused their phone calls and ignored their letters. Eventually, she and Jack gave up and they moved on with their lives.

That was, until Vlad chose to reconnect. And unfortunately, Vlad was worse than ever. More smug. More arrogant. More creepy. He ignored the fact that Maddie was happily married with children and he still insisted that she should leave the love of her life for him. 

Maddie really only tolerated him for Jack’s sake. Her husband still enthusiastically loved the man who’d been his best friend in college and she couldn’t bear to crush his spirit, though the woman was increasingly doubting her choice to stay silent now.

And now, Maddie realized that Vlad was much more despicable than she thought.

It started with a series of strange phone calls. The voice was robotic, yet strangely familiar sounding. It reminded her of her mother or maybe her sister? Either way, the sound somehow tugged at her heartstrings just as much as it made her shiver anxiously.

“Please save him.” The woman’s voice asked, an oddly flat plea.

“Tell me who you are.” Maddie demanded, not for the first time.

The speaker ignored the question, continuing. “I cannot get Number 6 out myself. Please save him.”

“You keep saying that, every time you call this number.” The woman sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. This was the fifth time she had gotten a call like this. All from an almost emotionless, staticky voice. All begging her to save someone or something called Number 6. Something she couldn’t seem to get anymore information about. “But who is number six?” Maddie asked, trying, probably futilely to learn more.

The answer surprised her. “Number 6 is just a boy. He should be free. He does not belong in a laboratory.”

Maddie frowned, brows furrowed in confusion “A laboratory?”

“That is correct.” The robotic voice answered.

“I’m sorry, are you talking about an actual child? What is a child doing in a laboratory?” The woman wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“Number 6 is physically younger than the age of majority and therefore meets the definition of a child.”

“Okay?” Maddie furrowed her brow and repeated herself more severely. “Why are you keeping a child in your laboratory?”

There was a pause. “I am not permitted to share that information.”

That made the woman’s stomach flop. “And why not?”

“My dearest has forbidden me from discussing the details of his experiments with outsiders.”

Maddie frowned again. “Then why are you talking to me?”

“You are a loophole.” The speaker said without hesitation.

That gave the ghost hunter pause. She opened her mouth to ask more when there was a mechanical whirl across the line.

The fast, choppy words cut through. “Dearest will be leaving on a trip tonight and be away for the next three days.” 

“Wait, what are you-” Maddie started.

“The address is 600 North Maple Drive. Enter through the trapdoor in the greenhouse. I will be waiting.”

Across the line, a male voice called from far away. “Pull up the data from the last test, dear. And prepare the subject for sample collection.”

Maddie shivered; there was something familiar-

“Please hurry. Save him.” The robotic female voice whispered before the line cut off.

Maddie sighed, dropping the phone. She put her head in her hands. She didn’t know what to make of that. At first, she had thought these mysterious calls were pranks. Maybe even a ghost trying to trick her. Except…. That didn’t feel right. It had been a week and no ghost had acted against her or her family. No ghost would wait this long to act and no human prankster would continue this charade for this long either.

So who had been calling her and what do they really want? Could the speaker really be asking for her help? The idea made dread pool in her stomach, especially now. Now that she had more information. Now she had a location. And that was Vlad’s address. And that other voice...it had sounded like… Vlad, as if the speaker was in fact in Vlad’s mansion. Her stomach flopped. He’d been talking about data from a test and preparing a subject for sample collection. That in and of itself wasn’t necessarily that alarming. Vlad had a background in science. He could be conducting research, just like she and Jack did out of their own basement. Except…

Number 6 is just a boy. He should be free. He does not belong in a laboratory. The words rang in her head, making her feel sick.

Maddie sat for a long while, staring at the phone. So many questions clashed in her mind and she wanted answers. What was really happening here? And how would she learn the truth?

An idea started forming in her mind. A surely bad, horrible idea. She still had no idea who had been calling her. It probably was a trap. So why did she want to follow the instructions? And the prospect of sneaking onto Vlad Master’s property? She could get in serious trouble. And for what? Vlad would never do anything as immoral as what the speaker hinted at. Except...what if? Doubt grew in her mind. What if?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That was how Maddie found herself pulling up to Vlad’s mansion in Amity Park. The woman sighed, putting the car into park and taking the key out of the ignition. She was really doing this, wasn’t she? The scientist could hardly believe her own actions. But it was the middle of the night and she was alone, in the small forest behind the mansion. 

Silently, Maddie got out of the car and started sneaking across the yard. She hadn’t told Jack where she was going. Maybe that was a mistake but the woman somehow knew he’d try to talk her out of this. And he would have a point. Yet the woman was still driven forward despite her better judgement. 

Arriving in front of the greenhouse, the ghost hunter stopped. She looked side to side, checking to see if anyone was watching. The yard was quiet and bare, only the sound of night insects cutting through the air. Maddie looked back into the building. To the left of the door was a blinking red light but other than that, inside was dark. Tentatively, Maddie jiggled the greenhouse’s door handle. It didn’t budge at first but then there was a buzz and a click. The door unlocked and the woman frowned, watching the blinking light turn from red to white. Was that a security system? And...had the door just unlocked for her?

Maddie bit her lip. She considered turning back but...she wanted answers. Instead, she pulled her ectostaff out of her belt. A blow to the head from it would be just as effective on a human attacker as it would be on a ghost.

The woman opened the door, quickly stepping though. She closed it and cautiously crossed the room. From what she could tell in the dark, this was a normal greenhouse. She breathed deeply, taking in the wet earthy smell of dirt, the soft perfume of flowers, and… She sniffed. That scent, old batteries, ozone, and citrus. That was familiar. Was that ectoplasm? 

Maddie turned, eyes searching for the tell-tell glow of a ghost. Her gaze fixed on something a few rows over. The huntress continued forward, brow wrinkling at the sight. Unsurprisingly, these were plants but….a faint glow enveloped the snow white leaves, the orange and black fruits. Tentatively, she reached forward and cupped one of the fruits. Even through her gloves, she could feel the ghostly chill. 

Maddie’s frown deepened. She’d never seen anything like this before. Was this some kind of ghostly plant? And in Vlad’s greenhouse of all places? Where did it come from? How did the billionaire procure it? And why hadn’t he said anything to her and Jack?

With that thought, the ghost hunters’ stomach flopped with nerves. There was actually something here, something out of the ordinary. Her mind turned back to those phone calls, the reason she was here in the first place. The speaker had said something about a trapdoor.

With that, Maddie pulled a flashlight out of her belt and flicked it on. She looked down, searching, and her eyes widened. Oh….well then. There, not three feet in front of her, was the door. The woman approached. Crouching down, she put down her staff and grasped the flashlight between her teeth. With both hands, she pulled the door up, revealing a short ladder leading to a narrow passageway.

The ghost hunter furrowed her brow, hesitating for a moment. She braced herself, forcing her shoulders to relax to dislodge some of the anxiety. Maddie stood up straight. She grabbed her staff and started lowering herself down the ladder. Once she was at the bottom, the woman turned and pointed the flashlight down the passageway. There, maybe ten feet in front of her was a metal blast door.

Dread rose in Maddie at the sight but she tried to push it down. This was probably an old cellar, or maybe even a bomb shelter. Rich people tended to have those, didn’t they? It could be…..

The woman stepped forward. Tentatively, she placed a hand on the opening mechanism. It looked like a wheel that she’d need both hands to open. She moved to return her staff to her belt but before she could, a mechanical whirl sounded. The wheel started turning. Paling Maddie rapidly stepped back. Her heart pounded in fear of being caught.

Then the door swung open with a groan. The ghost hunter registered bright light pouring through the opening. She blinked for a moment, her eyes adjusting to the change. Then she registered the translucent figure floating across the doorway. 

Maddie scowled, acting on instinct. “Take that ghost.” She swung her staff but the blow never connected, instead sailing through the blue clad figure without resistance.

“I am not a ghost.” A familiar, robotic voice responded.

It was then that Maddie finally registered what she was seeing. She gasped in shock. It was herself, except floating, translucent, and...glitching around the edges? “What are you?” She breathed.

“I am the MADDIE program, an artificial intelligence meant to emulate Dr. Madeline Fenton.”

The ghost hunter stared for a long moment in confusion. She hadn’t expected a response and now her mind couldn’t catch up, barely processing what she was seeing.

The hologram floated backward, motioning into the door. “Come inside.”

Maddie blinked, registering the words. Her eyes flitted from her strange double to the interior of the room. Concrete floor, metallic walls, sturdy work tables, and….a soft green light. It looked familiar, very much like the Fentonworks lab. The woman’s heart skipped a beat. She’d already come this far….

The huntress took a few steps forward and crossed the threshold, all the while keeping her eyes on the hologram. The other figure was unmoving and silent, not even blinking. After another long moment staring, Maddie warily looked around. As she’d glimpsed, there were shiny metal work tables and shelves. A station with a microscope, centrifuge, and table top incubator. She frowned, eyes falling on glowing vials of ectoplasm. 

This was a lab, obviously. A ghost research lab, based on the ectoplasm. But below Vlad’s greenhouse? Her eyes flickered to another table, this one holding familiar looking devices. Ectoguns, slim and silvery with a design Maddie knew intimately, despite the unfamiliar logo and red accents.

The woman walked forward, tentatively hefting the gun. “This looks like our model 35.” She stated seriously.

Maddie then turned, facing the source of the soft green light. Her jaw dropped at the sight of the swirling green. “That’s a portal. A ghost portal.” She muttered. 

The scientist took in the design of the frame, of the ecto-filtrater and the control panel. That was her and Jack’s design as well. Her mind swam, information bouncing around senselessly as she tried to make sense of all this. This was a lab. A ghost research lab. A hidden, secret research lab in Vlad Master’s backyard, below his greenhouse. Vlad’s secret lab. But...why?

She bit her lip, her eyes falling on the Fenton Works designed weapons and the portal. Their stolen designs. Maddie could barely believe it, yet she wasn’t as surprised as she should be. Vlad still having an interest in ghosts? The creepy billionaire stealing their blueprints? Why did that seem all too plausible?

“Dr. Fenton?” A staticy voice asked behind her.

Maddie turned, frown deepening as she took in the hologram again. Her mouth felt dry. “He….Vlad...made a hologram that looks and sounds like me.” She felt sickened at the thought, at the evidence in front of her. 

“Yes. I was modeled after Dr. Madeline Fenton.” The hologram replied.

The ghost hunter put a hand on her head, feeling a headache grow. It made sense, in a sick kind of way. Vlad had a fascination with her. He was not exactly subtle in his ‘affections.’ Of course he would create this creepy copy. “Why?” She groaned, in rising anger.

“I was created to serve as a digital assistance and security system.”

Maddie looked up, blinking in confusion. She hadn’t been expecting an answer. The woman then frowned, realizing something. A security system? Did that mean… “You unlocked the greenhouse door for me...and turned off the security system.”

“That is correct.” The hologram replied.

The ghost hunter wrinkled her brow. “Why?”

Somehow, almost imperceptibly, the figure’s expression softened. “You came to take Number 6 away from here.”

That gave Maddie pause, her eyes widening slightly as she took in the AI with new eyes. “You were the one calling me.” 

It finally hit her. The voice on the phone, the monotone one that reminded her of her mother and sister. It was this AI, this AI which sounded very much like Maddie herself. Of course she hadn’t recognized that. Most people don’t know what they really sound like outside of their own head and Maddie herself was no exception.

“Yes, I did.” The AI confirmed. “Please save him.”

“Him?” Maddie bit her lip, feeling that familiar dread again. “Number 6? Who is this person?”

The hologram floated toward the other side of the room, towards a tall cylindrical metal tube that Maddie hadn’t noticed yet. “Come.” She motioned the ghost hunter to approach.

The huntress did so, fixing a studious gaze on the tube.

“Viewing panel opening.” The AI announced as the whirl of gears sounded throughout the room.

In front of the cylinder, metal paneling slid apart. Slowly a gap opened, making the inside of the pod visible. Maddie first registered neon green ectoplasm swirling in some kind of solution. Then her jaw dropped. There, suspended in the chamber was a lithe figure. It looked male, the form of a young teenager. For a moment, the ghost hunter registered white hair and a black and white garment. Phantom? Had Vlad managed to capture Phantom? No...that….

Her brow furrowed, stepping closer. She examined the glowing body. The figure’s appearance was shifting. Its skin was a mosaic of ghostly blue and a pale, more human color in ever changing, shifting patches. The black and white garment also shifted, seeming to grow and spread over the body before retreating, leaving bare skin. On the head was a mop of black and white hair, the patches rapidly changing color and appearing to move across the skull.

Maddie frowned. There was a resemblance to Phantom. (How? How in the world?) But this wasn’t the same being. “This is a ghost.” Her brow wrinkled in confusion, despite her confidence of the fact.

“Yes.” The MADDIE program answered plainly. 

The scientist turned. “I am not letting a ghost out of here.”

The hologram frowned. “Number Six is a boy. He deserves to be free.”

Maddie pointed. “But….that is a ghost.”

“Yes.” The AI confirmed again. “But he is also a boy. Observe.” The translucent figure waved a hand over one of the computers. “Display subject’s vials.”

Instantly, readings appeared on the screen, a rhythmic beeping commencing. The ghost hunter studied the words and numbers. “Oxygen saturation, Blood Glucose, Blood pressure, Heart Rate.” Her brow furrowed. “These are vials for a human.”

“Yes. These are Number six’s vials.” 

Maddie scrunched her nose in disbelief. “But...this is a ghost.” 

But the sound of the heart monitor pounded in her head. She turned, facing the figure in the tube again. The readings could be fake. But why? And why did Vlad have a ghost captured in his lab? And why did it resemble Phantom? Or at least, it seemed to. Not that she’d ever been this close to Phantom before but the white hair, suit, and lithe figure were the same. She took in the shifting appearance. And what was that? An attempt at shapeshifting?

Maddie turned back to the screen, reading again. At the top, it read Clone Six, 100% stability. “Clone?” The woman questioned. “Clone of who? Of Phantom?”

“Yes.” The AI answered. In response, the ghost hunter turned sharply. The hologram continued. “Subject Six has completed the gestation period and is now viable and capable of living outside the artificial womb.”

Maddie blinked rapidly. There was a lot of information there. “Clone? Vlad cloned Phantom and...it’s ready?”

“Yes. He is stable.” The hologram turned. “Please save him. Take him away from dearest.”

“Look.” The scientist pinched the bridge of her nose. “I am not letting this ghost go.”

“He is a boy.” The AI insisted.

“You say that but-”

“And a ghost.” The hologram continued. “He is a living boy and a ghost.”

Maddie’s heart skipped a beat. “Living?”

She turned back to the chamber, something in her resonating at the word. The strands of black hair, the human colored skin, the patches that did not glow. She looked up into the face and something itched in the back of her mind. It looked familiar, not just because the ghost looked like Phantom.

Maddie took another step. She reached forward until she was touching the glass. The heart monitor steadily beeped as the figure in the chamber twitched.

The huntress shook her head, denying. “That’s just...not possible. Someone can’t be a ghost and a human.” What the AI was saying was nonsensical, completely impossible. So why did Maddie not feel certain?

“Initiate wake up sequence.” The AI declared.

Startled, Maddie’s head whipped to the side. “What are you-”

In the chamber, something thumped. The woman’s head turned to see flailing limbs. The figure’s eyes suddenly popped open, one blue and one green panickedly flickering around the room. The rate of the heart monitor increased. The being thrashed, chest spasming. A hand pounded against the glass. 

“What did you do?” Maddie demanded of the AI.

There was no answer, just fearful flailing within the tube. The ghostly figure’s gaze shifted down and fell on Maddie. The eyes widened, silently begging. More pounding of hands on the inside of the glass. The beeping increased, pounding into the woman’s head. The ghost boy blinked and the eyes were blue, icy blue. The gaze, the familiar gaze stabbed Maddie in the heart.

The woman panicked, her own heart race. Her eyes ripped away from the boy. What do I do? What do I do? Her mind raced. Her gaze fell on a large button marked, Emergency release. She acted without thinking, slamming her hand down on the button.

There was hiss and a beep from the chamber. In the blink of an eye, the glass wall of the chamber parted. Maddie yelped, jumping back as water and ectoplasm poured out. The liquid soaked her anyway. Then, the boy inside the tub was falling. He tipped forward and the woman reached out to catch him on instinct.

A surprisingly heavy body fell onto the ghost hunter. Her knees threatened to buckle under the sudden impact. Instead she wobbled and wrapped one arm around the lithe body. Shakily, Maddie lowered herself to her knees, taking the ghostly figure with her.

Numbly, hardly believing what she’d just done, the woman huddled on the floor. She tensed at the being reached towards her. A part of her brain screamed that it was unsafe to be so near to a ghost, yet she didn’t move as ungloved hands weakly grabbed onto her jumpsuit and the ghost pressed into her chest, as if it was hugging her. 

Maddie looked down at the being, marveling at the sight. Its appearance was still shifting. Black and white hair. Black jumpsuit and bare skin. Patches of ghostly blue and pale human skin. The woman could feel the ectoplasmic energy, the ghostly chill radiating off the being as well but..... Its glow...there was something off. The glow was dimming. It flickered like a light bulb before cutting off.

In front of her came a whine as the ghost buried its head into her shoulder. Soft cold breath caressed her check. Breathe? Maddie’s heart skipped a breath. She could feel the chest rising and falling with fast breaths, pressed against her as it was. And that beeping. Maddie glanced up at the display. The heart monitor was still keeping pace with a rapidly fluttering heart.

The scientists breath lodged in her throat. No this was...ghosts didn’t breath. They didn’t have heart beats. They didn’t…. She looked down at the shaking figure again and her world turned upside down. The black suit was receding, evaporating. It disappeared off the arms and chest, every part of the body she could see, leaving bare skin below. And that skin, it was changing. Pale peach-tinted skin was rapidly replacing the inhuman blue. A warm breath blew over her check, the ghostly chill quickly vanishing. The weight pressed into her increased, the fingers holding onto her becoming warm and solid. And on the head, black overtook white until she was staring down at the full black head of hair.

Maddie’s mind stopped unable to process. This was...she was...in front...of her...this was... She blinked rapidly, as if the sign would change but...the lack of glow, the human skin tone, the warmth, the breathing, the black hair. That..that damn heart monitor. This...this was...no...no way. The ghost hunter shakily, wrapped her arms around the now hyperventilating figure. She winced feeling the warm, solid skin under her gloves. This was impossible but….

This...this was a human. No ghost...no ghost could fake this. No shapeshifting would give a ghost human warmth and a heartbeat. And she could feel it, the rapidly fluttering heart pressed against her own. 

The ghost whined again. No. no. The boy. The boy who had just been a ghost but had changed. The boy who’d just been inside that pod. Who was shaking and hyperventilating in front of her. Another whine. A tear fell onto her shoulder.

Maddie’s mind finally caught up. Her arms shifted into a more proper hug, hands reaching up to run through the black hair. “Shhh. Shh. It’s okay.” The woman whispered. “Breath with me. In.” She breathed in deliberately. “And out.” She pushed the air out of her lungs. “In and Out.”

The boy copied, his breaths following hers. In and out. In and out. His breathing slowed as did the beeping of the heart monitor. Slowly, so slowly, his shaking subsided but the boy didn’t let go of her suit.

Maddie stayed still, questions bombarding her now that the boy was calmed. This boy, who was he? Where had he come from? Why...why did Vlad have a teenager in his lab? And why did he have a ghost that could change into a human? Or was this a human who could turn into a ghost? Her mind raced, her own heart rate increasing with overwhelming confusion. How was this possible? What was this kid?

She looked down, an idea sparking. That ghost disease that all the teenagers supposedly got. The disease that gave them ghost powers. She and Jack had never seen any of the supposedly infected students. They’d dismissed the claims as absurd. Humans could not have ghost powers. Yet Jazz and Danny’s friend, Sam, had both insisted that they’d gotten sick and both had displayed a ghostly ability. And if...if that was true….. She paled, the overheard words from the last phone call hitting her. Tests, sample collection, subject, experiment. If Vlad was experimenting with that disease, experimenting with ectoplasm on...on….

“Where...where am I?” A quiet male voice asked, directly in front of her. Maddie stiffened at the words, roughly pulled out of her thoughts. “What’s happening?”

The woman’s heart stopped. That voice. That voice. Oh god. Suddenly shaking, she unwrapped her arms from the boy. Gently, so gently, she grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands off of her. The boy seemed to shrink in on himself at that, shoulders falling. 

He sniffled but Maddie shushed it. “Look...look up at me.” She quietly asked. Slowly, the teenager obeyed and again, the mother felt like her world was turned on its head. Familiar, icy blue eyes met hers. The curve of that nose, the round chin, the slightly chubby cheeks. Oh god, she knew...she knew this face intimately. A trembling hand reached out to touch, cupping the boy’s cheek. “Danny?” Maddie asked, before she could really think.

The blue eyes widened, looking at her with the most pure and innocent hope she’d even seen. “Danny? Is that...is that my name?”

The woman’s expression fell, her mind catching up to the question, to what she was seeing. No, this couldn't be Danny. She had just seen him earlier that night. And on the face in front of her….The freckles….the freckles were wrong, laid out in a different pattern. And the scar above his lips, where was it? The mother glanced down, at his collar bone. The birthmark wasn’t there. And...her heart skipped a beat. No, he was too young, maybe two years younger than her son’s current age of 16.

The woman removed her hand. “No. I’m sorry. You’re not….you look like him, like Danny. So I thought….But you’re not...you’re not him.”

The boy’s shoulders fell and his eyes fixed down. The suddenly heartbroken, lonely look broke Maddie’s heart. “Oh. Then...who am I?”

The ghost hunter frowned at the question, her mind trying to form an answer. Who was this boy who looked like her Danny? Wait…. The words on his vitals display flashed in her mind. Clone number 6. Clone. “You’re a clone.” She blinked, mouth falling open. “You’re a clone of my son.”

The boy looked up, raising a brow. “What’s a clone?”

Maddie flushed at the question. It was so innocent. And his eyes, staring up at her like she had the answer to every question in the universe. “That’s...that’s complicated.” She glanced down, cheeks reddening in a sudden realization. “Let’s umm...let’s get you some clothes first.” The mother blushed for a moment. He’d been naked this whole time, while they’d been hugging and she had been comforting him.

“Clothes?” The boy tilted his head and the innocent confusion, the lack of embarrassment, just about killed Maddie. This looked like a teenager but obviously he wasn’t actually one.

The mother pushed the thought away, head surveying the room for something to cover the child with. She gaze fixed on something white hanging on one of the walls. Lab coats. Maddie started pushing herself to her feet.

The boy whimpered, grabbing her hand. “Don’t leave me.”

Maddie’s expression softened. “I’m not. I’m just going to get you something to wear.”

Shakily, she stood and walked across the lab. All the while, the woman could feel the eyes on the back of her head. But she ignored it, focusing on grabbing a coat. She pulled the white garment off the peg and quickly returned. Maddie then knelt down and held out the coat. The boy looked at it with no recognition as if he had no idea what to do with it. He probably didn’t.

“I can put it on you then. Hold out your arms.” Maddie instructed.

The boy, the clone, (this was a clone, a clone of her son. Her son. How? Why? What?). The clone did as she said and the woman dressed him as if he was a little child. (He probably was). The woman tried to smile comfortingly as she fastened the buttons. “There you go. All covered up.”

The boy looked at the sleeves curiously. They hung past his hands as the garment swallowed him. He waved his arms, watching the ends flap. The child laughed at the sight.

Maddie’s heart clenched at the child-like display. But then she turned her attention to the AI that had been silently watching the entire time. Standing, she scowled. “Is he a clone of my son?”

“Yes.” The MADDIE program replied. “Subject Number 6 is a clone of Daniel James Fenton.”

Maddie looked down again. Somehow, despite how impossible this was, that made perfect sense. The appearance was nearly identical, to perfect for strangers. And….she swallowed. Vlad had a sick fascination with her children, with Danny in particular. She knew the man fancied himself something of a godfather, with his pet names, presents, and advice. And Danny despised it, much more than any teenage boy should even if said godfather had a tendency to flirt with his mother.

The woman paled, all sorts of horrible idea coming into her head. What Vlad must want from Danny, what he must really want from her son. And to do the scientifically impossible? She shivered. Tests, experiments. She remembered the hybrid ghostly appearance, the ectoenergy flowing off of him. From some the ghostly disease? But… “Wait...you said that he was clone of Phantom earlier?”

The hologram’s response was cut off by a scream from the floor. Maddie’s eyes flicked down panickedly as the clone looked up at her. “My...my arm...it’s gone.”

The woman’s eyes just about popped out of her skull. His left sleeve with the hand and arm inside of it were gone. Maddie knelt down, reaching towards where the limb should be. Her hand hit something solid and chilly. She rapidly blinked. “It’s invisible. Your arm is invisible.” Panic rose in her. Ghostly abilities. There were ghostly abilities. He had ghost powers.

“Invisible?!” The boy shrieked. 

Maddie’s heart clenched. That sounded just like Danny, her son when he was scared. The boy’s mouth was open with panic, his breath increasing. And all the woman could see was her son. Her son’s face, screwed up with panic and fear. It made her soul ache. She gently wrapped her hand around his invisible one. “It’s still there but you need to calm down. Breath with me. Like before. Okay. In and out.”

The boy copied her action once and his hand returned to visibility. He threw himself forward into her arms. Maddie returned the hug without hesitation. Then a breath later, cold swept over her. The body in her arms disappeared, turning into cold mist. Both the woman and the boy screamed as he turned intangible and fell through her.

Maddie rapidly stood, stepping back. What was happening?! On the floor, the boy returned to solidity, the slightly translucent appearance disappearing. He rolled onto his back, panting. The beeping of the monitor increased with his breathing as his face scrunched up fearfully. 

Then a heartbeat later, just when Maddie thought she was done with surprises for tonight, something else stole the breath from her lungs. A white ring of light formed around the boy’s waist. It spread up and down his body and everything the light touched changed. The scientist blinked away the spots in her vision. And there, writhing on the floor with a panicked expression, was Phantom. Or...he looked like Phantom. White hair, black and white jumpsuit, panic filled green eyes.

It suddenly all hit Maddie like a tractor-trailer. He was a clone of Danny.. .and he was a clone of Phantom. Of Phantom. Danny...it clicked into place. Oh god, Danny’s accident with the portal. Him setting off all their equipment. His badly hidden injuries. Falling grades, skipping class, not sleeping. Oh god. Danny was Phantom. Danny Fenton was Danny Phantom. That...that was a pun, damnit. Of course her son would name himself after a pun. And… her eyes fixed on the boy on the floor. His face even stayed the same! No wonder Phantom avoided getting close to them!

In front of her, the clone was hyperventilating again. “What’s happening to me?!” He cried, tears welling in his eyes. His legs were fused into a ghostly tail which lashed in front of him.

The mother’s brain kicked into gear, her motherly instincts taking over again. She knelt down. “Sweetie. Sweetie. Calm down. I’m here.” 

She grabbed his arm, intending to pull him into a sitting position but he was so light, as light as a balloon. With the slightest tug, he was pulled into the air, floated. Maddie pulled the ghost boy into her arms. She cupped the back of his head.

“What’s...what’s happening to me?” He cried again.

“I don’t know.” Maddie answered honestly. She had only the barest idea of what all was going on. But still... “I’ll figure it out. I’ll help you. You’re safe. I’m right here.”

The boy wiggled in her hold, crying into her shoulders. “I...I don’t understand. I don’t understand. Who...who am I? Who are you? Where are we?”

Maddie didn’t know. Or rather she didn't know how to answer those questions without making him more scared. She desperately wished she did know. She’d have to have a long conversation with Danny about him being Phantom and about what is actually going on between him and Vlad but for now...she hugged the boy tighter.

A long minute later, light passed over the clone again. He became heavy and warm in Maddie’s arms. His knees wobbled for a moment before steadying as Maddie held him up. “There, you’re doing it. You can stand.” His posture strengthened and the shaking stopped. Finally, the mother asked. “Do you think you can stand on your own?”

“I...I think so?” The boy said, uncertainly.

“Alright. I’m going to step away slowly. I’ll catch you if you start to fall.” Maddie reassured.

The child nodded as the woman backed away. He wobbled, tipping forward but the ghost hunter gently grabbed him. They stood, hands on each other's forearm for a long pause, until the boy steadied himself. He looked down at his feet, lifting one before putting it down and then doing the same with the opposite. Finally, he let go of Maddie’s arms. After hesitating, the mother did the same.

The boy studied her compassionate face, brow furrowed with deep thought. “Who are you...to me?”

Maddie considered, studying his face in kind. Her son’s face. A face so like her Danny’s. He was a clone, a clone of her son. Meaning...he was her own flesh and blood. Her lips pursed in thought. More importantly...he was a child. A confused, scared child who needed her help. And before she was a ghost hunter and scientist, Maddie was and would always be a mother.

“I’m your mother.” She said without hesitation, smiling. “Your mom.”

“Mom?” The boy asked, testing out the word. 

Maddie nodded, reaching forward and gently whipping one of his tears away with her thumb. “I’m your mom.”

The child smiled, his eyes lighting up like that was the most wonderful thing he had ever heard. It very well could be. “Mom.” The word rang out with so many emotions, with some much love that Maddie’s heart swelled. The boy stepped forward hugging her again.

The mother ran her finger through his hair. “Yes baby. I’m here to take you home."

“You will take him away from here, then?” A staticy voice asked, beside the pair.

Maddie turned, pulling away to look at the AI. Beside her, the clone tilted his head as he looked between the two but didn’t ask.

The scientist nodded. “Yes. I think I understand why you called me now.” Of course she did. This was an AI made to copy her, something of a digital clone. If Maddie was in her place, she would not so easily agree to whatever Vlad had planned. She would not leave a child here to be experimented on. And as the MADDIE programs 'original’, for lack of a better word, she wasn’t exactly an outsider and therefore a loophole.

The hologram nodded. “I will disable the microchip then.” A light on the monitor blinked out and the beeping of the heart monitor stopped. The AI then turned to the computer. She pointed to a flash drive plugged into one of the ports. “That contains all research data. Take it with you.” 

Maddie obeyed, taking the drive. The AI winked. “Excellent. Delete all research data. Command alpha-06-gamma-58-epsilon.”

There was a loud dial tone and the computer fritzed, the monitor wavering until a blue screen reading ‘System Deletion’ in large print was displayed.

Maddie raised a brow, impressed at the AI. 

Then the clone asked. “What about you? Are you coming with us?”

The program shook her head. “No dear. I am not like you. My purpose is served.” The AI turned to deliberately look at Maddie. “Number 6 has been saved.”

The boy frowned at the statement as did the mother, considering the statement and the depth of it. She didn’t know what to make of it except...it almost felt like one mother was handing off her son to another.

“Go on.” The MADDIE program encouraged. "You may go out the way you came and I will lock the doors behind you." She frowned. "I will distract dearest for as long as I can."

Maddie wrinkled her nose in disgust. "I suppose you can't just call him Vlad?"

"No." The AI almost sounded annoyed. "My programming is most inconvenient."

The ghost hunter nodded in understanding. Then she turned to face the clone. "Come on then sweetie." She wrapped one arm around the boy and started leading him towards the door. Before passing through, the women turned back to face the hologram. "Thank you."

The corner of MADDIE program's lip turned up as she offered an accepting nod. The pair then turned back towards the still open door. The clone wobbled slightly, progressing slowly as he gained more confidence. Maddie carefully stepped across the threshold with the boy still at her side. Once they were in the tunnel, a gap sounded from beside her.

"What is it?" The mother glanced to the side, eyes wide with concern.

"The ground's cold." The boy muttered.

"Oh." Maddie looked down. "You're not wearing any shoes." She'd have to get him some once they got home and some proper clothes. "Just step carefully, okay? Actually…." With her free hand, she pulled out her flashlight and shone it on the bare ground in front of them. "There." 

The pair advanced carefully, Maddie helping the boy to clumsily climb up the ladder. They crossed the greenhouse and the mother pulled the boy along as he eagerly studied their surroundings. 

"It smells nice in here." The clone commented, sniffing the air.

"It does." Maddie agreed. 

Arriving at the door, she finally opened it and the two found themselves in the open air. The boy suddenly stopped, looking down. 

He hummed in the back of his throat, pleased. "I like the grass under my feet." Maddie looked down to find the kid wiggling his toes. Then there was an awed whisper. "Wow. Are those the stars?"

The mother looked up again to find him staring up at the sky in wonder. Maddie smiled. "Yes, they are. Aren't they beautiful?"

"Yeah." He breathed.

Maddie let him look up in awe, as she herself marveled. She couldn't help but be reminded of Danny's love of the stars. But even with the resemblance, he was a different person from her Danny, wasn't he? She could already see little difference. This child-like wonder was something she hadn’t seen in her son very often now. But still she wondered. This clone seemed to know the words for things. He could speak clearly and had good coordination all things considered. How was that even remotely possible? And yet he still had the air of someone who had never seen the world before, like every was new. Because it likely was.

With that, Maddie cut off her musing. "Come on sweetie. We need to keep going."

The mother hated cutting off his exploration, especially as his expression fell. But the boy nodded anyway, taking a step forward. The pair continued, cutting across the yard, into the trees, and to the car. Maddie clicked the fob to unlock the vehicle. She guided the boy to the car, opened the passenger's side door, and helped him sit. The mother then walked around and opened the driver's side door and sat down herself.

Maddie turned to find the clone looking at his seat belt curiously. She reached over. "Here let me help you." She buckled him in.

The boy hummed, fidgeting in his seat while Maddie buckled herself in. She put the key in the ignition and started the engine. Instantly, the radio started, a song from their local eighties station broadcasting through. The clone flinched at the sudden sound before relaxing. 

He turned, looking at the woman with wide eyes. "What's that?"

Maddie smiled. "It's music."

"Right. Music." The boy nodded. He tilted his head, listening to the song. After a moment, his head bobbed in time. "I think I like music." He hummed along, wiggling in his seat.

It made Maddie want to laugh so she did. She chuckled as she put the car into drive and pulled away. She turned into the road and started driving back towards Fentonworks. The song ended just as they pulled up at a red light.

The clone turned to face her. "Where are we going?"

She looked at him out the corner of her eye. "We're going home, like I said earlier."

He nodded. "Right yeah. I remember that." He hummed. "What will we do when we get there?"

Maddie paused, considering the question. "Well...we’ll talk to your dad and your….Danny and Jazz….and we’ll figure all of this out.” 

She’d hesitated for a moment, thinking to refer to Danny and Jazz as his brother and sister. But Maddie had no idea how they’d take this. Hopefully well. Those two were good kids but living with a clone of yourself….Maddie could hardly imagine. At least Jack would be eager and welcoming. She knew her husband well enough to be sure….Oh boy, she really should have told him something about all of this before she’d left.

"All of this….you mean the….clone thing and…" He bit his lip. "The flashing light and the floating and disappearing and falling through things?"

"Ghost powers." Maddie said, brow furrowing. "You have ghost powers. As far as I can tell, you're some kind of ghost human hybrid? Not that I knew that was possible until less than an hour ago…." She frowned. "Nor did I know you existed."

The boy frowned, looking worried. His lips pursed. "So...you don't know what my name is then, do you?”

Maddie's heart fell. In front of them, the light turned green. The woman turned back, removing her foot off the gas. The car pulled away before the mother pulled into a parking lot. 

She took a deep breath, the impossibleness of the situation hitting her. She was sitting in her car with a clone of her son. A clone that she’d found in the secret laboratory below Vlad Master’s greenhouse. A human-ghost hybrid clone of her son who was also a hybrid. She had another son now. A son who she now had to tell that she didn't know his name, because he likely didn't have one yet.

Maddie put a comforting hand on his arm. “I’m sorry.” She gently apologized. “You’re right. I don’t know. And sadly….” She took a deep breath. “And I know this will be hard to hear but...all I know is that hologram called you Number 6 and...that’s not exactly a name, is it? ” 

His lip quivered, eyes starting to water. “But….that’s….”

The mother took his hands and squeezed it. “That will change. Your father and I can pick out a name for you; that’s what parents normally do for their children. Or….if you have something in mind, we’ll happily call you that.”

The clone looked down, biting his lip in consideration. “I’ll...I’ll think about it.”

Maddie’s face softened. “Alright sweetie.”

He turned his head up, blinking at her. “Sweetie? Can that be my name?”

The question was asked so innocently that Maddie couldn’t help but laugh. “No. That’s a pet name. I call all my kids that.”

“Oh.” He blushed in embarrassment. “Well that’s...at least, that means I’m one of your kids.”

The mother nodded her head. “Yes, of course. You’re my son.” It should have been surprising how much her heart swelled with love at the statement but well….Maddie had made up her mind. This was her son. Not Vlad Masters’ experiment. Not just Danny’s clone. Her son and Vlad was not taking him away from her.

They would have a lot to figure out. A name for this boy. His complete origin as a clone. How to deal with having a third child, one who’d just appeared overnight. They’d have to deal with the implications of her revelation that Danny was Phantom. And Vlad...what he’d done was horrible. He’d stolen blueprints and her son’s DNA. He’d experimented on a human or...humans. She internally frowned; he was clone number 6. Did that mean that there had been five others? 

Either way, Vlad was deplorable. There, in the depth of his lab, below something as innocuous and normal as his greenhouse, Maddie had discovered that and the true depth of his obsession with her and her family. And now she knew, Vlad needed to be stopped. He needed to be punished. But what exactly to do with him, considering how taking him down would likely expose Danny’s identity as Phantom? Yes, they had a lot to deal with but….

Maddie leaned forward to kiss her new son’s forehead. “You have a family now. And a home. And everything else we’ll figure out together.”

A soft smile crept across his face. “I like how that sounds.”

“Good.” Maddie smiled. “Now...are you ready to go meet the rest of your family?”

“Yeah.” He squeezed the hand still holding hers. “I’m ready Mom.”

#Danny Phantom #Phic Phight 2021 #Phic Phight #team human #Danny clones #Danny Phantom clones #Maddie Fenton #My fic

[superbdragoncollection-stuff]

Thoughts on Separate Tides and Allergen Representation; an Essay

“No appleblood. I spent the money on gryphon eggs for Luz. There’s not a lot she can digest here, so I make sure I have her favorites around.”

“Because you stuck with me, you lost your magic! You almost got turned to stone, and now you can’t even afford your appleblood because you’re worried about what I need to eat!”

This episode had a very surprising, and very sweet display of allergen representation. I really appreciate Luz’s issues and anxieties in this episode. While it’s presented in a fantasy way, when she explains how upset she is about her food restrictions, it speaks to a real issue affecting people with allergies and digestive problems. As someone with a food allergy growing up, the moments really spoke to me. I have Celiac Disease, which means that my body can’t digest gluten, a protein in wheat. I can eat the stuff physically, and the symptoms aren’t obvious like a peanut allergy. This makes it difficult to detect. The way it manifests is that my stomach can’t digest the protein. It will go through my small intestine, and tear up the lining of the organ that absorbs food, and what remains of the lining has a hard time absorbing other nutrients, causing me to essentially starve. These symptoms don’t appear immediately, taking days, weeks, or even months to register, making it even more difficult to detect. While gluten is something health nuts are obsessed with lately, it is a very real threat to people with my condition. My food can’t share the same plate, can’t share the same space; if they even so much as come into contact I have to scrap the whole meal just for safety’s sake. When I was younger, before I was diagnosed, I didn’t grow an inch for two years because my body had gone into maintaining the bare minimum needed for survival. My bones think they’re younger than they actually are. When I was diagnosed and I recovered, I grew a lot. What spoke to me in this episode was Luz’s discomfort and distress at Eda’s money troubles when it comes to food. It wasn’t a joke, it wasn’t mean, it was really meaningful, it’s a fact of life. It’s much like how Eda’s condition was treated in the first episode she appeared, just a part of life. Gluten free food is expensive, finding places that won’t actively poison me is exhausting, and I’m constantly worried about cross contamination. Even a few crumbs can be a problem. Frequently I will feel like a burden, like I’m being pedantic even though this is vital to my health. I cannot live off food with gluten, I will die. Yet it still feels as if I’m a burden. I’m right there with Luz; hearing people having to talk about our food sensitivities, and having to accommodate us, even if it's in a loving way like Eda said, is upsetting. I’m also going to guess that like me, Luz is also a picky eater even amongst stuff she can eat. On school trips, I always needed special treatment; it tended to be something that I don’t care for even if it was gluten free, or dry sandwiches I brought from home while my peers chowed down on pizza. I remember the looks everyone gave me. I have to explain to every single restaurant I find my condition. Even if they’re understanding, it’s a pain. Luz has been confirmed to be neurodivergent, and I am right there with her as well. It takes an immense amount of mental energy to find restaurants, to find the right menus, find the ones with the right accommodations. Food can’t even be cooked in the same fryer if I want to avoid cross-contamination. It’s terrifying and upsetting to constantly have to go to the front of the line and ask for what feels like conspicuous special treatment. As a neurodivergent person, social anxiety makes this so much worse. I constantly fear the cooks are cursing me under their breath for inconveniencing them, I fear that people behind me are whispering and that any moment a hand will land on my shoulder and demand I get to the back of the line with everyone else. Sometimes I will get food that I simply don’t like, or hasn’t been cooked right. Asking to have it fixed is terrifying, and I fear the people around me even more. Luz may not be super poor on Earth, but she voiced a lot of anxieties and frustration that people like me have. I'm from a well off family that could afford the additional expense of gluten free food, but I can’t imagine what a nightmare it is for real families who can’t afford gluten free food, or who can’t even

afford a diagnosis. To add insult to injury, many people will mock or dismiss us as being liars, pedantic, or just picky. It is a common thing to mock people with gluten free preferences; the Angry Birds movie made fun of it. I hear people complain about how expensive the food is even if they don’t have to eat it. People will offer me bread even after I explain to them what it will do to me. Dennys seems to have adopted a chain-wide proclamation to refuse to accommodate gluten free people. I have not eaten there in three years, because we experienced serious food problems in restaurants in Virginia and Vermont. Virtually every time I entered a Dennys three years ago, I would ask for a plate of plain and simple chicken that normally comes with toast, and I ask them to remove that; somehow, they would always screw up the order by putting glutinous bread right on top and ruining the whole meal. Yes, we are that sensitive to contamination. If it even touches the food the meal is ruined. Once, it was understandable because the waiter had been awake for eighteen hours. The other times were not. I saw the waiters argue with the other staff, I had a manager once come out to explain my own disease to me, even as two pieces of toast just sat there stewing on my chicken. That feeling of being a burden, of hearing people argue about trying to help you, stings very much. Some people will assume that we just don’t like wheat; I’ve heard horror stories of people trying to “prove” someone didn’t have Celiac Disease by secretly putting it in their food. The fact that we don’t go into anaphylactic shock when we consume it makes this a common problem as it leads them to assume it’s not an issue. It being a fad diet has also made my life worse; I have to constantly specify that I am not just gluten free, that I have an actual medical condition. I have to carry cards in my wallet to explain the situation. It feels like the world around me conspires to keep me from being healthy. And it feels like the world hates people like me for it. The best representation I’ve ever gotten for Celiac Disease was a CollegeHumor sketch. Most of the time, allergen representation is a joke, even if it’s informative and not meant to be mean. The Owl House breaks that trend with these two little exchanges. “No appleblood. I spent the money on gryphon eggs for Luz. There’s not a lot she can digest here, so I make sure I have her favorites around.” “Because you stuck with me, you lost your magic! You almost got turned to stone, and now you can’t even afford your appleblood because you’re worried about what I need to eat!” Luz’s snap at Eda about her food sensitivities is something I feel. I don’t often get allergen representation like this, especially any as loving and kind as this. Even to family, who love and support me, I can feel like a burden, as if there’s something wrong with me that is somehow my fault, and not the fault of a genetic disease dating back thousands of years. It’s deeply upsetting and frustrating to experience this. No matter who it comes from, it hurts a lot. I’m glad The Owl House captured this feeling perfectly. It’s good to know I’m not alone here. I’m glad to see representation where facts of my life aren’t seen as a joke.

#the owl house #the owl house spoilers #toh luz #toh season 2 #toh season 2 spoilers #luz noceda #allergens #allergen representation #celiac disease

[dilucslittleangel]

𝐀 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐈𝐥 𝐃𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞

Hello!! Usually I wanted to write this same thing with Scaramouche until unfortunately his canon past came out and I had to delete the whole thing- so now, while Dottore will sure take some time to appear in the game, I'm taking my chance to write how I think his past maybe looked like.

Some sentences towards the end have been taken off his artifact!

Word count: 1584

I'd like to say this may or may not fit into canon!! (however I wouldn't mind if this became canon)

So. Where to we begin?

I like to think Dottore had a golden child syndrome from a young age.

Most parents want to see their children thrive and flourish. In fact, the desire to see your child succeed is a normal desire of parenting. Moreover, even good parents sometimes have unrealistic expectations for their children.

But good child syndrome can happen when a child consistently reinforces their parent’s desires for them. These children don’t just want to satisfy their parents- they feel obligated and responsible for doing so. It becomes a significant part of their identity, meaning it affects their overall development. Either one or two of the parent role, are naracisstic.

A healthy child usually wants to succeed and make their parents proud. Golden children take it up a few notches. They may present as anxious children early in life. Similarly, they experience immense anxiety and guilt when they fail to meet certain expectations.

Despite how a golden child syndrome usually develops in a child, it was a little different in this case.

Dottore's father did not give him lots of attention at all. Just like the insane, crazy doctor / scientist he is himself now, so was his father. His father was a mad man, a man who's experiments are more important to him than his own family.

The young boy often watched his father, watching experiments a young boy like him should not see. All his father's attention went to the experiments, did he have to do the same?

The young lad did various of things, but they all were helpless. Nothing made his father even look at him, heck not even at the dinner table they talked. However he didn't want to stop trying. He had to keep on going, so he thought.

His mother? Dottore was just 7 years old when his mother started to feel worse and worse everyday. So worse even she had no other choice but to rest in bed, having a doctor visit every week as her husband was no doctor, just a scientist who couldn't care less. Why did they even marry?

Dottore brought his mother meals every day - at least whenever a helpful aunt came over. Dottore pretty much looked up to the doctor that came over every week. Did he also become so clever and brilliant to maybe help his mother? He sure thought so.

Day and night the young boy spend hours of looking into medical books, learning anything he possibly could. Often would he fall asleep on the ground, all exhausted from studying. He wanted to help his mother.

Besides studying medical stuff and trying to do anything that would make his father give any attention, he'd also spend other day and nights to get the best of grades, always did he bring good ones home. Never would you see anything below 95 points. Dottore didn't even think about having friends, they only were in his way and annoying. He had no time for friends, he only had himself.

Everytime he brought good grades home, he would bring the paper to his mother. She was more than proud of him. „One day you'll be such a handsome man, helping out so many people.. You make your mother really proud..”the sweet voice spoke. He couldn't let his mothers expactions down now could he?

More and more years have passed. Years of studying, years of writing good grades, years of wanting his father to also be proud of him. Dottore was under a pressure of making his parents be nothing, he didn't want to be a good-for-nothing, - a pressure he put himself under. He just wanted to mean something to both of his parents. He wanted to be worth living. Something cracked in the mind of his.

One day, the boy came home in the cold times of the years but he had great news, he scored the best once more in a big test, wanting to share the great news to his mother. He hadn't seen his mother since yesterday, he was happy to see his mother again. „Mother! Mother! Look!”he said proudly as he ran upstairs, he didn't even put his backpack down. „..Mother?”he asked as he entered the room. He walked over to the bed and looked at his mother. Her eyes were closed, chest not rising nor sleeping. „...?” he gently shook his mother, having his hand on the mother's arm, he felt the coldness. The heater was on, how could she get so cold? It got him worried.

„Mother??”he asked loudly, keeping on shaking her till he heard it knock on the door. He put his test paper on the bed and walked downstairs. He opened the door, looking at who was knocking. It was the doctor, wanting to check on the mother as always. „Uhm Doctor.. I don't think mother is feeling well.... She's quiet and so cold..” he spoke. The doctor looked at him. „..?..”the doctor quickly walked upstairs, of course did the boy walk after him. Dottore stood at the door frame, watching the man.

The doctor stood there silently for a few seconds, shrugging a bit together as he suddenly left the room, walking downstairs. „Where's your father kid??” he asked. „I..don't know. He was suddenly gone one day 2 years ago or so..”he answered. „..what?? Then where's your aunt, let me call her, boy.”

Dottore didn't quite understand what was going on but he knew nothing good happen. He looked back at his mother. He walked up to her, climbing onto the bed and hugging his beloved mother. He brushed away the long dark blue hair. Silently, he sank his head on the mothers chest, closing those pure red eyes. He widened his eyes a little as he heard no heartbeat. „...Mother..”. What a shame, he was just supposed to turn 14 in a few days.

Many many more years have passed. While he grew up along his aunt, Dottore had not given up what he did before. Now he had to make his aunt all proud, now that he's the oh so poor failure that couldn't save his mother hm? At least he thought that way, again.

Now being proud 20 years, living on his own in a old lab, doing various of experiments no one would like to recall. He'd just become the madman his father once was. The word "failure" does not exist for him. He cannot be a failure once more, after all.. He's such a big genius. How could a hardworking child with a great smile go to a madman with a short temper who's plans cannot go wrong?

So judgemental the god of his homeland Fontaine, so the people. Fontaine's people were disgusted of the man, afraid of him, they wanted him gone.

Chased away with pitchforks, clubs and angry words, he took fled to the all famous Sumeru Academia where he continued his crazy studies and experiments. He had so many logical theories, yet no one wanted to hear them. One would not even like to look at him. He truly was sick of everyone, of everything.

Years later again, once more the man took fled. Next day awoken, the social reject's legs have given up. Falling into the sand, with a little lake aside, he took a look at his reflection. Half of his face had gotten burn scars, had the man's charm left his side too? Hand covering half the man's face, he remembered it all.

A night of a harmless experiment with potions and fire had kept the man awake. Yet, the man had been tired. Sitting at the table, where he rest his head on his palm, the man closed his eyes. Dottore silently listened to the liquid heating up under the hottest flames. Maybe him closing his eyes was a terrible mistake which he soon got to suffer for.

The liquid had been heated up too much, the man should've turned off the fire by now but he soon was about to reach the beautiful dream realm. Glass exploding and hot liquid splashing against half his face awoke the man. Quickly the man stood up and pressed the towel against his face, sharp breaths escaping, silent cries filling the room, free hand turning off the fire.

How foolish of him, hm?

The man shook his head and closed his eyes. A grip on his shoulder made the man turn around. „..Fatui?”

"Merely an enhanced human? If your great nation can furnish me with sufficient resources and ample time, I could even manufacture that which you would call a god. What say you?"

True indeed. First of the fatui has tracked him down. In the desert that shone bright like liquid gold, he inquired of the Snezhnayan diplomat:

"Will you treat me like the Academia did? Will you call me a monster, a madman?"

"Or will you treat me as my hometown did, and chase me away with pitchforks and clubs...?"

...

"Good. Then, we are now in partnership."

"As for the matter of your title — what do you say to this..."

Taken completely by surprise by the sheer irony of the title he was given, the young man burst into hysterical laughter.

If you'd know ask the man about his theories and experiments, shall you see a sparkle of excitement...

...

(Drawing of Dottore in the age of four. From right to left -> "Daddy" "That's me!" "Mommy")

#genshin impact #genshin impact il dottore #dottore genshin #genshin il dottore #dottore #il dottore #theory #genshin theory #this is just a theory #please let this get any attention #golden child syndrome #he may be a social reject but I can fix him guys!! 🤪🤪 #i hope this makes sense #will anyone even read this #bye #will anyone care?