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#my family is dealing with another emergency and it’s very possible that we’ll be mourning very soon
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#keeping it real for a bit#tw for negativity and general thoughts on anxiety and grief#stay away if these things bother you#look after yourself#here I go....#so. my anxiety has gotten worse and I cannot breathe#I can take only tiny puffs of air in quick succession and that’s it#my family is dealing with another emergency and it’s very possible that we’ll be mourning very soon#it would be the third time this year#my parents are basically freaking out and dealing with my issues not in the healthiest way#telling me I have to ‘get out of this slump’ bc life is harsh and I need to get used to it#bc they cannot handle 2 crisis at the same time. and I’m obviously young and healthy so I should just get on with the program#(they are telling me this in a positive tone... but their wording choice could be improved)#it’s not just this emergency that’s bothering me. I’ve been in a bad place since last year and my body cannot hold up anymore apparently#my parents are confused bc I was faking being fine so well they hadn’t even caught a whiff of my situation#I feel guilty bc our relative’s deteriorating health is clearly more important and I feel like I’m a burden#moreover. I’ll soon have to take sleeping meds again bc I cannot sleep#(I have a bad history with sleeping meds and their side effects so it’s also a bit triggering for me. but I’m fine)#the only free time I had for my hobbies was during nighttime... so I won’t have that anymore#I’ll write my fics when I will be able to. maybe I can squeeze some free time in between uni work... but I’m not sure#sorry for the negativity in the tags#this is not a call for help#nor me asking for suggestions#cake care of yourself in the meantime#sneaky niki
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Stark Spangled Banner Ch59:We Only Part To Meet Again.
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Intro The Time Heist worked, but at a cost. Natasha gave her life for the Soul Stone. Following a promise to make her sacrifice worth something, the Avengers continued their plan and succeeded in reversing the Snap. But along with everyone else, the biggest threat the Avengers have ever faced re-appeared. 
Thanos.
Now Steve and Katie, along with the rest of their team are locked in a fearsome battle, between light and dark, life and death. Simply put, it’s a battle which they cannot afford to lose because they’re in the Endgame now…
Warnings: “Language!” 
SMUT (NSFW)
Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark
Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist
Ok so I hope you all like this one. I’m STILL a little pissed that Nat didn’t get a proper send off in Endgame so I hope I’ve done her justice in this one. We’re so near the end now… *cries*
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They decided not to tell anyone about their news until both Natasha’s remembrance ceremony and Tony’s funerals were done. For no reason other than they didn’t want any of the attention being placed on them to detract from what the days were about- their friends and family taking time to remember together.  In all fairness, it wasn’t a long time to have to wait. Natasha’s memorial was the day after with Tony’s funeral taking place 2 days post that.  
The only problem was, however, it was kind of hard to keep it secret when the next morning, Katie pushed Bucky and Sam out of the way as she ran from the kitchen and emptied her stomach into the downstairs toilet.
“She ok?” Bucky asked looking at Steve as he grabbed a bottle of water for her from the fridge.
“Just nerves.” Steve said, “About today.” and before they quizzed him more he headed out into the hallway just as Katie was emerging from the bathroom. Wordlessly he handed her the bottle and gently cupped her cheek in his hand, and she smiled softly leaning into his touch.
“You were puking the last time we were on a jet together you know…” Sam quipped as she walked back into the kitchen  “Maybe that says something about your flying.” Katie shot back at him, sitting down at the table.
“Nah ah, you’d eaten that dodgy chicken remember?”
Katie nodded and then Bucky gave a scoff.
“You know, you’re almost convincing.” he pointed at her, “You on the other hand…” his point moved to Steve who had reached to open the fridge, pausing as he was caught in his friend’s stare. “Still can’t lie for shit. It’s written all over your face.” Katie and Steve exchanged a glance before they looked back to the two men who were both leaning against the counter, mugs of coffee in their hands.
“What’s he lying about?” Sam frowned, looking at Bucky. Bucky simply gave him an exasperated glance.
“It’s more likely to be dodgy sausage than chicken.” he deadpanned
“Buck!” Steve said, frowning as Katie glared at his best friend. Whilst all this was going on, Sam’s face rearranged itself into a look of comprehension and he turned to look at Katie.
“Really?” his eyes flickered from her to Steve. Before they could deny it, Jamie walked into the kitchen with Lucky, the pair of them having been in the garden with Emmy.
“When do we go see Auntie Nat-Nat’s tree?” he asked.
“Soon” Steve said, turning to his son noticing instantly the kid was filthy “Do not move from that doormat…”
Jamie stood and saluted at his father, the way Tony had taught him to do whenever he was given an order and Katie snorted a laugh. With a roll of his eyes Steve bent down and undid the laces on his sneakers. Jamie kicked them off and ran over to his momma.
“Can I wear my Captain ‘Merica top Auntie Nat-Nat got me?” he asked.
“You can wear what you want today baby.” Katie said, kissing his head “Clint’s orders. No black.”
“Kinda ironic really seeing as she spent half her life being called Black Widow.” Sam mused.
“I think that’s why Clint suggested it.” Katie said “No black widow, only Natasha Romanoff.”
At that point Emmy stepped inside holding ceramic pot which now contained a tulip plant she had dug up from her patch near the shed. “Will this be ok, you know, to plant under her tree?” “I think it’s perfect.” Katie smiled, standing up with Jamie in her arms “And so would she. She liked tulips. Right young man…” she blew a raspberry on her son’s cheek and he grinned “Shower time…” “Want me to do it?” Steve asked.
“No, I’ll take him. You can deal with these two idiots.” she said, nodding towards Sam and Bucky. She glanced back at Steve and gave him a soft smile. “Emmy, you need to get ready too honey…”
Steve watched as his family left the kitchen before he turned to look at Bucky “You are a pain in my ass, you know that?” “Tell me I’m wrong.” Bucky raised an eyebrow as Steve ran his hands over his face. He looked at his friend and then couldn’t help the small smile that spread across his face.
“Yeah, she’s…we’re pregnant.”
“Fucking hell Punk!” Bucky moved to give the man a hug “That’s…that’s great news.”
“Thanks Buck.” he said, pulling back.
“Yeah nice one Cap.” Sam grinned, shaking his hand.
“Thanks, but we’re keeping it on the low for the time being.” Steve said, “We don’t wanna tell anyone till after Tony’s funeral, it just doesn’t feel right you know.”
Both men made affirmative nods and hand gestures, before Sam looked at Steve.
“How far along?”
Steve hesitated. “Well, we don’t know. It’s kinda complicated.”
“Complicated?” Bucky frowned “What’s complicated about it?”
“We lost one in the snap.” he said rubbing the back of his neck “So we’re not sure if this baby is that one come back or another one that’s…” he took a deep breath “We didn’t even think about it being a possibility, ya know? Anyway we’ve got a dating scan tomorrow so we’ll know for sure then.”
“So that time…when we were on the low…” Sam frowned “She was pregnant?”
Steve nodded.
“Not bad chicken?”
Steve shook his head.              
“Dude you knocked up your Mrs whilst we were running from the Feds?”  
“It wasn’t exactly planned Sam.” Steve rolled his eyes.
**** Steve watched his wife for a moment as she sat on the seat opposite him on the private Stark Jet, scribbling on a piece of paper. She was jotting down notes for Tony’s Eulogy and her brow was furrowed as she wrote her ideas down, stopping every so often to wipe a stray tear away from her eyes. He leaned over to tuck her hair behind her ear whilst asking if she needed anything and she shook her head, tapping the pen lightly against her teeth. He dropped his hand to her neck, gently squeezed in a sign of affection and stood up to go and check if Bucky need rescuing from Jamie’s incessant chattering.
“You know it doesn’t seem right, any of this.” Katie said quietly, as she looked out of the window, her pen tapping against her teeth. Steve watched her for a second before he sat back down and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the small table between them. She turned to him and she sighed “The world is mourning for Tony, yet the same people who are leaving candles and wreathes and flowers outside the tower, don’t seem to give a shit about Natasha. She’s not been mentioned once in the media since the President’s address…” “Sadly, I’m not surprised.” Steve sighed “After we took down SHIELD and all her past secrets were thrown into the spotlight and, well, you know her history. It wasn’t well received. People made assumptions about her, questioned her loyalties, wrongly yes, but they did.” “It’s not fair.” Katie sniffed.
“You’re right, it’s not. It’s unfair and it’s cruel.” Steve nodded, gently reaching out for Katie’s hand. “She gave her life because she believed so firmly that we could succeed and she’s being given no recognition at all. But that’s what today is about. Those of us that did know her, and did care about her getting the chance to say goodbye properly.”
Katie smiled sadly, her fingers tangling in Steve’s as their hands lay entwined on the table
“And I think she would prefer it this way.” he continued “She was a very private person, unless she was around her friends, her family after all.”
“Yeah…” Katie said, smiling gently “Maybe you’re right.”
There was a loud yell from the other side of the jet and they both looked over to see Bucky giving Jamie a hi-five as Sam and Emmy leant back in their chairs, throwing their Uno cards onto the table in defeat.  Bucky looked up and caught Steve’s eye, flashing him a small wink.
It wasn’t long before they were landing. Katie felt ridiculously queasy as the jet began to descend and no sooner was she on the concrete of the runway than she threw up to the side of the steps. Emmy gave her a suspicious look, but didn’t say anything as she made her way, her hand around Jamie’s as they followed Sam and Bucky to the waiting cars, Steve patiently hanging back for his wife to compose herself before they set off on the 30 minute or so drive to Clint’s farm.
There were hugs, hand-shakes, a few tears as the group greeted each other. Banner and Wanda had already arrived before the Rogers-Barnes-Wilson clan did and it wasn’t long until Fury and Hill walked into the large farmhouse. And then Okoye and T’Challa landed. And then Carol Danvers, Rocket, Nebula and Thor. And finally Lang, Rhodey, Pepper, Happy and Morgan.  As Katie looked round as her niece shot over to hug her ‘Uncle Spangles’ she suddenly felt a warmth in her chest that where was still so much love in and amongst the grief.
They had an hour or so at the house, Jamie and Nathaniel instantly hitting it off and retreating to Nate’s room, emerging 30 minutes later each with a picture for their Auntie Nat. Katie had crouched down next to her son as he had showed her the picture of the woman with the shock of red hair holding a cookie because “she always gave me cookies Momma”
“Yeah, yeah she did.” Katie smiled, kissing his cheek.
In the mid-afternoon sun, Clint and Laura, with their 3 kids, led the way down a worn path which led to a small pond not far from the line of trees that surrounded the farm. Clint explained that Natasha liked it here, she often came to visit and stay if there was a little too much going on in her life to cope with and this was her place which was why the tree was planted here. The tree was roughly 6 ft high at the moment but was already sporting the deep red leaves they had picked it for, and they all knew that over time it would grow and expand. There was a small wooden bench underneath it, with a brass plaque which sported Natasha’s Black Widow symbol, and they had also ordered a small head stone, but that would not be available for a while.
“It’s beautiful Clint.” Katie had nodded, her hand falling to the place just underneath her throat and above her chest. “It really is.” “So…” Clint rubbed his neck “I thought, those of us that wanted to could just say a few words and…” he looked around and gave a watery smile as he took in the crowd of people “You know, seeing you all here reminds me of how Nat came into my life. No friends, no family, no connections…and absolutely no desire to change any of that.” “You go that right…” Fury muttered, drawing a few smiles and soft laughs, including a chuckle from Clint.
“Yet here she is, being celebrated and remembered by all of you, all of us, the people whose lives she’s touched and impacted and I guess, well, she did change it after all.”
Steve gave the archer a smile as he turned to look at the tree, his head bowing slightly “Nat, your last name might have been Romanoff but you’ve been part of the Barton family for as long as we can remember. I watched you break free from the horrors of your youth and learn that life didn’t have to always be painful and cruel. You worked tirelessly to build yourself up and always strived to be a better person. I hope you know that…” he paused and looked upwards, taking a deep shaky breath “you were worthy of being loved. And we did, we loved you so much, still do. Me, Laura, Coops, Lila and Nate.  If it wasn’t for you my family wouldn’t be here, but whilst my heart may have pieced itself back together thanks to them coming home…there’s still a huge hole there where you used to be. And I know that Nate only met you briefly, but he’s gonna know…gonna know all about the woman he’s named after, the bravest woman I have ever known.” He reached out and wiped at his face before his hand gently touched the bark of the tree trunk. “Goodbye Nat.” At that point Laura stepped forward, her own tears trickling down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms round her husband, their kids all following suite before Nathanial turned and placed the piece of paper he was holding on the bench, Clint helping him tack it to the back part with a small pin before the stepped back into the crowd.
Almost everyone spoke. Fury and Hill went next, explaining how they had been there from the beginning and watched her as she had transformed from this lethal, master assassin into an Avenger, a leader. And whilst he may not have been so warm to her in the beginning, Fury had come to look at her as a protégée, the person who after Hill and Coulson he trusted the most. And Hill who had become a friend, one of the first people to join Natasha’s slowly expanding group of confidents in the beginning. Natasha had exceeded any expectations they had of her as a colleague and had been a fiercely loyal friend until the end.
Okoye, Nebula, Rocket and Danvers, who had only known post the world being ripped apart respected the woman who was broken and shattered but never gave up wanting to make the world a better place and continually strived to find a way to fix what Thanos had done. They had all forged a friendship with Natasha as they picked up the pieces of a shattered world and strived to keep people safe through the chaos that ensured post snap.
T’Challa, who had seen the fierce loyalty and drive that Natasha possessed first hand. “Even if that did mean she knocked me out with a hell of a sting.” he quipped, drawing chuckles from the group. Her tenacity on the battle field in Wakanda, her strive to protect not only her friends, but billions of strangers, at all costs. “An honourable trait.”
Lang who again hadn’t known her wrong but had found an ally instantly willing to work on his ludicrous Time Heist idea, without whom, “I doubt anyone would have taken me seriously, including Steve” who gave him a small smile and a shrug because it was true.  
Bucky, who had tried to kill Natasha on more than one occasion, but could empathise with what she had been through more than most, simply placed his metal hand on the bark of the tree and said something in Russian, which he later explained to Steve and Katie had been a simple thank you and goodbye, not being able to think of anything else to say.
Rhodey, who had known her as long as Katie had. He had watched as she stepped up post the snap, helping Steve lead what was left of their group as they tried to help who was left and “bring peace to a world that was in turmoil”.
Pepper who had also known her as long as Katie had, thanks to her infiltration of Stark Industries. She’d become a good friend over the years, sharing a “mutual annoyance at Tony’s ridiculous antics” and with Katie and later Wanda the women had joined forces in an otherwise male and testosterone swamped Avengers Tower or Compound.
Wanda and Sam, who had both spent years on the run alongside her. She had helped train them both, fought alongside them both, and saved both their lives more times than they cared to remember. They respected her, and counted her amongst their closest friends.
Thor, he trusted her, infinitely, watching her hold her own against opponents both bigger and stronger on many an occasion. She had never once judged him for the sins of his brother, and with a large clap of lightning he had declared her the “a most noble and worthy warrior, one of the greatest I have ever seen”
Bruce, who had trusted her more than he had ever trusted anyone- “There’s a reason that lullaby never worked for anyone else, Nat” and whilst they had never gotten the chance to explore their feelings for one another, he had loved her. More than as a friend, and wanted her to know that his time away for the 2 years he had been stuck as the hulk post his forced transformation in Sokovia wasn’t her fault, despite what she had always said and thought.
Steve cleared his throat, his hand firmly grasped around Katie’s as they both stepped forward, their kids at their side. His chest was horribly tight as he took a deep breath and began to speak. “Clint’s right Nat, you were a pain in the ass. Specifically my ass for years.” he began, “Constantly laughing at me for being old, and old fashioned, trying to fix me up on dates until you realised that the person I wanted to be with just happened to be one of your best friends, which then opened up a whole world of opportunity for your sarcasm and wind ups. You were one of the bravest, kindest people I have ever fought alongside, and we both knew that when we made you godmother to Jamie you’d guide him in the best way you could, even if you did take him for the day and fill him with enough e-numbers to make him bounce of the walls when you returned him.”
He sniffed slightly and Katie lay her head against his shoulder, fighting her own tears “People often pointed to me as the leader of the Avengers, but I wasn’t. Not really. You were the one that held us all together on more than one occasion, especially when me and Tony were ready to rip each other’s heads off. Your ability to see the best in people is something I can only hope to emulate, and we’re going to miss you. We all are. More than you will ever know.” Katie could see he was close to breaking, just as Clint had done.
“Emmy, Jamie why don’t you put your picture and your plant on the bench?” she said gently, “Clint…”
Clint nodded and stepped forward with them both as she took the opportunity to wrap her arms around Steve, pulling him in close.
“I drawed this for you.” She heard Jamie say as Clint helped him tack his photo next to Nathaniel’s before he promised Emmy he would plant the tulips in the ground once her headstone was there.
A silence fell before Katie stepped back and looked up at Steve who gave her a not to assure her he was ok. Then, realising it was her turn she turned to the tree and looked at the shock of red leaves, smiling softly.
“There’s nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said.” Katie smiled gently “You were an amazing person, inside and out. I’ll never forget how you helped me pick an outfit for my first date with Steve and calmed me down despite the nerves that were flooding my entire system.”
“You never told me that.” Steve said, causing the crowd around them to laugh.
“Oh it’s true.” Katie nodded with a smile before she turned back to the tree “All the ribbings and joking you would do, trying to get the ‘inside details’ as you called them on Captain America…but that’s what friends do right? And we were friends, best friends. I knew I wanted to be your friend the first time I met you when you were undercover in Stark Industries and your floored Happy after Tony insisted you ‘go a few rounds’”
“Thanks Kiddo…” Happy grumbled, drawing more chuckles.
“You helped us so much when Jamie was a baby, taking him when you could see things were getting too much for me as a new mum, telling me that it was normal to feel a little overwhelmed when I simply thought I was doing a bad job…we couldn’t have done it without you and there’s no better friend I could have had by my side through everything we’ve been through together and done over the past 13 years.”
Katie looked up at the sky, her tears falling now “You know, on the jet on the way over me and Steve talked about how cruel it was that you’re not getting the recognition for your part in bringing everyone back that you deserve, but then I see everyone here and…” she choked a little on her words and felt Steve’s arm slide around her waist “You know, it might not be a public mourning but this, this is the evidence that you were loved, and the people that mattered care and will always care and be thankful that you gave your life so that everyone who’s here could live theirs.  You were so loved Nat, you always will be…and I can only hope you knew and felt that.”
With that her tears began to fall thickly and she turned to Steve, his arms wrapping around her, his large, strong but ever so gently hands held her close to him, one on the base of her back, the other on her head.
There was a soft breeze which ruffled the leaves of the trees in the otherwise completely calm clearing they were in and no one spoke for a moment, until Clint stated that there were drinks and food waiting at the house. With a last glance over her shoulder at Nat’s tree, Katie allowed Steve to guide her down the path, every so often pressing a soft kiss to her temple.
With drinks and full plates, the guests spilled out into grounds of the Barton farm as animated chat began on and around the porch. Katie stuck to apple juice topped up with lemonade in a wine glass, and when Steve had subtly arched an eyebrow in question at the fact she was drinking she’d flicked him off and shook her head gently causing him to snigger a little.
“So…” Pepper sidled up to her, looking at her “When are you due?”
“What?” Katie asked, “I don’t know what you’re-.”
“I know that’s not wine.” Pepper said gently, cutting her off “And I know that you lost a baby in the snap…maybe I’m putting 2 and 2 together here…”
Katie sighed and looked at her sister-in-law. “We only found out last night, we didn’t wanna say anything…not until the memorials and funerals are over. It doesn’t feel right, to be happy about it all…even though I can’t help it…” “Are you kidding me?” Pepper smiled “Katie, its great news. Something positive to look forward to…”
“Literally” Katie mumbled causing Pepper to grin.
“I knew it!” Emmy’s voice said and Katie groaned and turned to face her “Your baby…it came back?”
“Shhhh” Katie said “Look, we haven’t told anyone yet…”
“Why not?” She demanded
“Because we don’t know how far along we are or…” Katie pinched the bridge of her nose “just not yet Emmy ok? And this isn’t how we wanted you to find out. We were gonna tell you tomorrow after the scan.”
Emmy cocked her head to one side and shrugged, draining the glass of ice tea she was holding before she smiled and wrapped her arms round her mother, the 15 year old now being almost as tall as she was. “I think it’s great.” Katie smiled and lay her head against her daughters, squeezing her back “Yeah, yeah it is.”
***** Katie was exhausted after the day’s events and so, once the kids were settled she had left the men drinking in the kitchen and headed for a bath.  Steve and Bucky had been drinking the Asgardian stuff all afternoon thanks to Thor bringing a load with him to Clint’s and both the soldiers had been feeling the effects before they headed home, and still were thanks to the stash Steve had in the cabinet and beer fridge.
“You know…” Sam said, leaning back in his chair “When you find out how far gone Katie is tomorrow, we’re gonna be able to figure out a point of conception.” “Yeah that’s generally how it works.” Steve rolled his eyes.
“Well you better not have made that baby on my plane.”
“We never had sex on the jet.” Steve sighed.
“No, just dirty old warehouses in the middle of a mission.” Sam shot back.
“Did you have to bring that up?” Steve said exasperatedly.
“Oh now this I gotta hear…” Bucky grinned and turned to look at Sam.
“They left their comms on.” Sam mumbled “Trust me you don’t gotta…”
Bucky gave a loud bark of a laugh as Steve groaned.
“We just got caught up and…” he suddenly stopped, deciding he didn’t have to explain himself. Why the fuck should he? “You know what, I don’t care, have you seen her? I’d bang her every second of the day if I could, she’s fucking gorgeous…”
“Aww thanks baby, but 5 times in one night was quite enough thanks.” Katie said and all 3 men whipped round to face her as she quirked an eyebrow smirking, leaning in the doorway dressed as usual in a pair of shorts and one of his shirts “It was one hell of a wedding night.”
“5 times?” Sam looked at Steve who flushed bright red, but couldn’t help but feel slightly smug.
“And that’s how many times we did it…” she headed to the fridge to pull out a bottle of water, before she turned and winked at Steve “Not how many times he made me see stars.”
Sam gave a loud laugh as Bucky grinned, a dirty snigger escaping from his mouth.
“I think I liked it better when you hated each other.” Steve said, glaring at them.
“Aww they picking on you baby?” Katie asked, sliding her arms round his neck from behind. He nodded, his hands rubbing over her forearms as they locked at the front of his chest.
“Big time.” he pouted.
“Come to bed and I’ll make it better.” she whispered into his ear and he turned as she straightened up and headed back out of the room. “Night boys.”
There was a pause as Steve looked at Bucky who was chuckling to himself, clearly having overheard.
“I’m gonna…” he said, and with that he drained his beer, stood up and headed after her.
Bucky eyed the bottle of alcohol in his hand before he turned to Sam. “Wanna go for a walk, find a bar? I’m in the mood for exploring my old neighbourhood a little.”
“Damned straight.” Sam nodded, standing up “The night is young Frosty…unlike you.”
“Fuck off.” Bucky said, grabbing his jacket and smiling as he felt the leather in his flesh hand.
“Buck, you got a sec?” Katie asked, just before they were about to leave for the airfield.
Bucky paused and looked at Steve who simply gave him a smile “She’s got something for you.” he said, ushering the kids down the hall with easy commands and large hands.
Bucky made his way into the living room and his mouth turned into a smile as Katie held out his leather jacket, the one he had wrapped her in when he pulled her from the Hydra base in La Ronde what felt like a life time ago.
“I believe this is yours.” she smiled at him.
“You kept it?” he said gently.
“Of course I did. I just never had chance to give it you back until now.”
He took it from her, gently running his hand over the collar.
“I also never got chance to thank you for that day, what you did.”
“Anyone would have done the same…” he shrugged, rubbing at the back of his neck in an action that reminded her very much of Steve.
“You sure they would?” she asked “You headed deep into a base full of people who had once hurt you.” she looked at him “Because someone was screaming for help. Someone…and you had no idea it was me. And even if you did, you didn’t know me. Not really.”
“No but I knew what those bastards were capable of.” he said, eyeing her gently “I wouldn’t ever leave anyone to suffer at their hands. I just wish I’d gotten there sooner…”
“Did Steve tell you what they did?” She asked gently.
“He doesn’t need to.” Bucky looked down “Like I said, I know what they’re, what they were capable of.” “You’re a good man James Barnes.” She gave him a soft smile and then stepped forward to give him a hug. “You saved my life. And for that I’ll always be grateful, and so will Steve.”
Bucky smiled slightly as she slipped on the jacket and headed after Sam as they gently left the house, the door closing behind them.
Upstairs, Steve’s hands were already all over his wife, gentle, strong, loving as he softly caressed her stomach, the place his baby was growing. He nuzzled into her neck as she preened at his touch, arching her back. She moved slightly so he could pull the shirt over her head before he gently took her face in his hands, thumbs skating over her cheekbones.
“I hope it’s a girl.” he said gently, dropping a kiss to her lips “And she looks just like her momma.”
“Charmer.” she grinned as he kissed her again, the kiss growing urgent, Steve flicking his tongue over his wife’s lips before he moved to gently trail his mouth down her neck to the spot in between her collar bone, giving it a gentle nip and a suck. It was a well-practiced dance between the pair of them. After 10 years of being with one another they both knew the spots to hit, the places to touch, the parts to tease that would undo the other. It was a familiarity, but one that would never get old. Steve would never tire of the way her finger tips trailed down his back, nails gently biting his skin as she made those delectable noises by his ear. Katie would never tire of the way he would softly trail every curve of her body, his hands and strong arms cradling her as he lavished affection on her that drove into her very soul, his mouth gently nipping at her neck, his gentle praises that made her keen with affection.
“I love you baby girl, you’re so good to me, so good…” The soft sheets of the bed rustled around them as Steve gently rocked into his wife, causing her to sigh and lay her head back, gazing up at him with a love and lust so deep it almost hurt him to see. He had never been worthy of this love, and never would be. But all he could do was love her back, the way he did, with every single breath he had.
His movements were slow, his hand gently moved to hook her leg around him, finding a deeper seat as he rocked forwards and back again and again, driving deep against her spot as her hands hooked around his neck, pulling him down to kiss her, deeply, softly as she moaned into his mouth.
“Come on baby…” he said gently, his lips moving to her neck “Atta girl…come on…”
Her back arched and her nails dug into the skin of his biceps as she leaned forward slightly, burying her head into the crook of his shoulder to muffle her cries as she came, tightening around him. He upped his pace, ever so slightly, chasing his own release and he came, his lips pressed to hers, a deep, satisfied moan bubbling from his throat into her mouth as his hips stuttered and he rest his forehead against hers, gathering his breath.  He suddenly realised he was led on top of her, his baby in her stomach and he went to move but she caught him softly, her hands straying to his shoulders as she smiled at him, her hands gently moving to rake up through his hair as she pressed a soft kiss to his mouth before she nipped his lip and he practically growled at her.
“Keep doing that…” he muttered “And I’ll be hard again in about 5 seconds flat.” “I’m counting on it…”she smirked, kissing him again.
*****
“I’m sorry, say that again?” Katie looked at Dr Kellet. The woman smiled and glanced back at her.
“10 weeks.” she nodded “Give or take. Which makes your due date…the 1st June”
Katie glanced at Steve who was frowning and she knew instantly what was bothering him. He was concerned about the fact she had been pregnant in the fight, and was worried that the snap would have done some lasting damage. Katie wasn’t as concerned, for some inexplicable reason she knew everything was ok ans had instead diverted his attention to researching second pregnancies… which he had done with gusto.
The kids were in bed, Bucky and Sam were…actually, Katie had no idea where they were, not that it mattered, they were grown up men. They were led on the couch, Katie down one side of the L shape, Steve on the other with his head in his wife’s lap as he glanced at the screen on his phone
“It says here that you should feel them move sooner than the first time because you know what they feel like…” he said, grinning up at her “Wonder if that means I’ll feel them sooner too?” Katie shrugged, smiling as she ran her hand through Steve’s hair. “No idea.”
“And you’ll carry it lower.” he said, ignoring her completely. “Which according to this is a good thing as you’ll breathe easier and eat much more comfortably than you did last time. Although you might be doing the whole constant needing to pee thing sooner…but on the plus side labour is faster.” “Oh joy.” Katie sighed, her nails scratching his scalp slightly.
“And it says here you’re likely to start showing sooner.” he said, a huge grin spreading across his face “I can’t wait!”
“Sooner?” Katie scoffed “Baby, I was only 14 weeks last time when I started showing.” “Yeah but like you said it was only us that noticed really.” he said, shifting slightly so that he was led on his stomach. His head crept under her T-shirt and his nose gently skimmed her lower belly. “To everyone else it just looked like you’d eaten too many cheeseburgers…” Katie nipped his arm causing him to yelp out a laugh.
“Are you sure everything is ok?” Steve asked, “Because well, the snap and…”
Dr Kellet smiled and nodded “Your baby is perfectly healthy and normal, everything is perfect.”
Steve nodded, the worry he had instantly felt ebbing from his system. Katie gently laced her fingers between his and glanced back at the screen.
“10 weeks…” she sighed “How on Earth did I not notice I was that far gone?”
Steve gently kissed the back of her hand. “Honey it doesn’t matter, don’t think on it. Don’t think on any of it.”
“I’ll get you a few copies of the photo.” Dr Kellet nodded.
“Have you had many others in, like this I mean?” Katie asked as the Doctor wiped the cold gel off her stomach “I mean, that have had babies back or…” “You’re the 6th one I’ve seen since everyone came back.” she smiled “Who knew?”
“Could be problematic…” Katie mused “I mean like, what if they are already pregnant again, or like, I dunno, dead against having kids now or…” “Katie…” Steve chuckled “Shut up.”
Armed with the two scan photos they headed home and were greeted by an excited Jamie who dragged the pair of them into the living room where he had been building a rocket out of lego with Bucky’s help.
“Everything ok?” Sam looked up from where he as prodding at Katie’s tablet, reading the news.
“Yeah…” Katie smiled, and she looked at Steve “10 weeks.”
“10 weeks…” Sam mumbled, and then he did the same math they had done in the car and a huge shit eating grin crossed his face “So it was that time on the mission?”
“Yeah, yeah.” Steve grumbled “We worked it out.”
“Funny really.” Katie smirked “Both of them were made up against a wall. Turns out Captain America is better at it than Steve Rogers.” Steve let out a sigh and he shot his wife a filthy look as both Bucky and Sam roared with laughed.
“Better at what?” Jamie asked, looking up at her.
“We’ll give you a minute…” Bucky said, standing up as he headed into the kitchen, followed by Sam, both passing Emmy who was returning with a drink for her and Jamie.
“Come here…” Katie said, settling on the couch and patting the seat next to her. Jamie scrambled up and ran over, jumping up besides her. Steve sat on the other side of him, and Emmy perched on the corner cushion. Katie looked over at Steve who smiled and turned so he was facing his son slightly.
“We have some news buddy.” he said, gently running his hand over Jamie’s head “You’re mom’s gonna have another baby.” “You’re gonna be a big brother.” Katie said and he turned to look up at her, his eyes wide.
“A baby?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
He frowned slightly before he looked back at his dad “But why?”
Steve hesitated for a moment, there was not real way to explain that one to their youngest. Not yet anyway. “Well, I…” “Because we’re a family.” Emmy said, smiling “It’s what you do.”
“Oh.” Jamie said, and Steve shot his daughter a smile.
“When is it gonna be here?”
“Not till early next year.” Katie smiled.
“Is it a boy or a girl?”
“We dunno yet pal.” Steve said.
“I hope it’s a boy.” Jamie said decisively “But I suppose it won’t matter.”
Katie smiled at Steve before Jamie quipped up again “But I’m not sharing my room.”
 @the-omni-princess  @momobaby227 @geekofmanythings16 @angelofhell-666 @thewackywriter @marvelfansworld   @cobalt-gear   @asgardlover75​ @jennmurawski13   @jtargaryen18  @saiyanprincessswanie   @navispalace @patzammit   @joannaliceevans-fanficblog   @icanfeelastormbrewing @djeniiscorner   @ayamenimthiriel   @coldmuffinbanditshoe   @disneylovingal @madzmilllz   @sgtjaamesbaarnes
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keaalu · 6 years
Text
Drug Dealing
Although she appreciates the determination certain people have to cure her illness, Forceps wishes it didn’t leave her feeling like Starscream’s science project.
Reminder: Sepp has a type of motor imperfecta, or improper formation of motor control pathways. Symptom-wise it’s like Parkinson’s; origin-wise it’s more like a prion disease, which is why it’s so hard to find a cure for. But then some machines have a dogged tendency to treat definitions like “incurable” as a personal challenge.   
------------------------
Hardline hadn’t even been gone for a whole breem when the door to Forceps’ home clicked and admitted a familiar set of red wings.
Forceps set her journal down on the table, and watched her uninvited guest approach. “How long have you been lurking out there, waiting for Hack to leave?”
Starscream shrugged, in an artfully casual way, and tucked his wings in a little more neatly. “I do not lurk, thank you, doctor. Just a fortuitous coincidence.”
Her expression flattened. “Of course it was.”
“I find it very hurtful that you don’t believe me.” Not looking remotely upset, he fetched something out of his subspace. “But… I know the big lug doesn’t like me giving you these, so.” He dropped a small, surprisingly-heavy silver disc into her palm. “Convenient timing, really.”
She knew exactly what it was without having to devote many fractions of a second to studying it. “I don’t like you giving me these, particularly.”
Now the jet did look hurt, lips pulling into a little pout of displeasure. “Well any time you want me to stop researching a cure, just say so.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.” She smiled, sadly, and patted the seat beside her. “And I do appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”
Starscream settled primly on the edge of the couch. “There’s a ‘but’ coming.”
Forceps looked away. “You always get my hopes up that this time, it’ll be the final time we need to do it.”
But it never is. And I’m weary of the constant disappointment.
He remained silent for a few seconds. “It’s still improving, though?” he prompted. “The patches last longer each time?” He sounded… strangely deflated. As if wondering if she’d been lying, to save his feelings.
“Yes. Every time, it lasts a little longer. But it always wears off, eventually, and I can never predict when that’ll be. Then I have to trust that I’ll be able to get it to reinstall.” She glanced sidelong at him. “I can’t trust myself with someone else’s life while there’s too many variables for me to be able to predict anything with any accuracy. Until then, I can’t go back to work.”
He sat and digested her words, quietly. “And what’s the part you’re carefully leaving out, because apparently we’ve stopped being honest with each other?”
“When it wears off, and my tremor comes back, it…” She swallowed the rest of the sentence, and revised it a little; “It’s disappointing.”
It crushes me, all over again.
She drew a sigh of cool air through her core. “I’m not sure how many more times I want to go through this cycle, when there’s still no end in sight.”
“You never struck me as the sort to let slag like this beat you.” He nudged her a little with his wing. “It’s important we keep at it. Eventually it will be the last time.”
“Yes, doctor.” She glared at him, good-naturedly. “You’ll never get a job as a counsellor.”
Starscream tried very hard but couldn’t quite hide his smirk. “I want another full scan at some point, to see how this one takes.” He wagged a finger. “The more data we have, the more likely we’ll isolate the last few fragments of code that are causing the last of the problems.”
“You know they say it’s incurable for a reason.”
He blew a dismissive raspberry through pursed lips. “Don’t give me that. The fact nobody has bothered to put time and money into research doesn’t make it-”
“-it’s a rare disease! It stands to reason researchers would spend their limited budget on the things they can actually cure.”
Starscream elevated his voice and spoke over her; “If you had been a noble during the Golden Age, it wouldn’t be a rare, incurable disease. Some obsequious little sycophant would have crawled up to you, accepted your money, and found a cure. The fact altruism never had a big budget doesn’t make a thing impossible.”
They stared each other out for a second or two.
“And this is why I’m not a noble. Can’t stand that… self-serving… pitslag.” Her friend made an effort to look scandalised at her language; Forceps gave him a shove. “Not to mention, I’d be dead from something else. Quite possibly, at your hand.”
He wouldn’t look away. “It was war.”
“And I wouldn’t have blamed you.”
He quirked a brow.
She flapped a hand. “Well. You know what I mean.”
“I know you're trying to change the subject.”
“Perhaps. I can't say I particularly enjoy talking about my illness.”
“We'll never cure it if we pretend it doesn't exist, either.” He gave her a chastising finger-wag. “You can’t tell me you’re happy as a teacher, dealing with a gaggle of irresponsible youths that barely listen to a word you vocalise.”
Forceps remained silent for long enough that neither needed to hear her answer, but she spoke anyway; “Somebody has to teach them. They might be the ones that end up looking after us, when we get rusted and incapable.”
This time, Starscream's snort of horror was genuine.
She smiled, and elbowed him. “Besides. One of them is your niece, remember?”
“Like I said. Irresponsible youths. The idea of Footloose looking after me? Is frankly terrifying.” He offered a small glare. “I’m not sure what you hope to achieve by indulging her. She’s never going to have the brains to make it as a surgeon.”
“Maybe not – but she could be a pretty good paramedic, if she’s serious and she puts her mind to it. She’s enthusiastic, she’s fast, and she’s good at finding people.”
The silence stretched out a little too long for comfort.
Forceps corrected herself, quietly; “Most people. Sorry.”
Starscream made one of those uninterpretable little noises that could have meant anything, from frustration to sorrow to pain. “And what happens when she gets bored, and goes off to find something else to do?” he challenged, trying (but mostly failing) to divert attention from his friend’s faux pas. “Don’t forget I lived with her sire for far too many millennia; a mech with a shorter attention span would be hard to find. This is why we have to find you a cure.” He stabbed a finger in her direction, to emphasise the point. “So when Footloose decides she’s bored, and is going to be a cartographer instead, for… maybe a fraction of a vorn… you won’t feel like you’ve wasted quite so much of your life-”
“Scarlet?” She waited for him to go quiet. “I appreciate your determination, but I can’t be the science project you need to keep you from thinking about Skywarp.”
He stared at her for several more seconds, lips open but no words emerging, before folding his arms protectively across his chassis and directing his glare at the floor, instead. “I should appreciate having a little peace and quiet, at last. It was hard enough to do energon research in the first place, without someone eating all your supplies.”
She set her fingers against his shoulder, and felt his hand come up to cover them for the fleetingest instant before dropping back to his lap. In spite of his defensive manner, he felt strangely flat. No longer the terror of the skies – just a sad, lost mech, trying to figure out how to mourn the loss of the family he’d chosen.
“It’s quiet, without him,” he accepted, at length. He studied his palms. “I haven’t been as productive as I would have liked.”
“Have you spoken to Pan?”
“Thundercracker’s psychiatrist?” Another snort, and the flash of a little glare in her direction. “I don’t need to be diagnosed. I just need to know where he is.”
And that, Forceps recognised, silently, was the core of it.
Her disease was a puzzle, but it was something he could at least work at. Measure, improve, test and retest… even make some headway, even if it was only ever fractional.
Skywarp’s disappearance began and ended at the Rift. There was nothing to measure, nothing to quantify, nothing to tell them whether they were on the right track or even going the right way.
Just endless digging, with nothing to show for it.
Thundercracker had quietly moved into accepting the loss of their brother, apparently adopting his two deputies as surrogate trine, but Starscream lingered doggedly somewhere between denial and depression – not to mention, denial of his depression. (The idea he might be struggling to cope was apparently something he refused to even contemplate.)
It did seem particularly unkind that after somehow surviving an eternity on the frontlines of war, such a simple, avoidable mistake was what would finally break them.
“I just want to find him, Sepp. Finally get some closure. Try to move on. Is that really so much to ask?” He covered his face with both palms and blew out a sigh. “We should be able to grieve! Figure out how to let him go, and move on, and we can’t even do that. Not while there’s still that chance…”
“It’s been six vorns already,” Forceps reminded, gently. “There’s got to come a point-”
“I know! I know.” He sounded exasperated, but mostly at himself. “He’s buried himself so deep in the bedrock, we’ll be digging for an eternity. Pit – we could dig up half the planet, and still not be any the wiser as to where he went. The idea we’re going to find even a scrap of paint is a sparkling’s optimism.” He finally offered a tired smile, optics a dim maroon. “But the last time I stopped looking for someone, it might have changed the course of a war. And not for the better. So forgive me for not wanting to throw down my shovel just yet.”
“Well please don’t throw it in my direction when you do decide to stop. Even before I got ill, I wasn’t particularly spry when it came to dodging projectiles.”
He snorted a sour laugh and gave her a little thump. “I gave up on Skyfire, but I’m not giving up on Warp.” He puffed himself up, subtly, wings raised and jaw set in a look of steely determination. “Or you. So you better get used to it.”
She pursed her lips and glanced away, in an effort to hide the subtle embarrassed flush in her golden optics. “You just miss having a personal physician to put you back together after you blow up your lab, you winged nuisance.”
Thankfully he took it in the spirit it was intended. “You’re confusing me with Wheeljack.” He wafted a hand, airily. “That Autobot is insane. The only scientist I know who finds it entertaining to blow up his own lab, while he’s in it.”
“Really? The only scientist? Because that’s not how I heard it happened, when I last spoke to Thundercracker.”
Starscream’s optics visibly widened before his arms tightened back across his chassis, and his voice descended into a poisonous hiss; “Traitor.”
Forceps found a laugh, and leaned against him; she felt him lean back, subtly.
“This disease took away my life,” she said, softly. “Small consolation, maybe, but… mall consolation, maybe, but...Thank you for helping me try to get it back.”
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