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#so my brain just went ok sand it is
mvltisstuff · 11 months
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Hi
I have a Buck (911) fic idea. Buck saved reader at the tsunami. Reader can't swim that good, so she was really scared and he comforted her. Reader took care of Christopher while Buck was saving other people. Two weeks or something after the tsunami they meet again. Maybe reader is working at coffee shop and they meet there. Reader can't stop saying thank you to Buck and maybe he asks her on a date at the end.
You don't have to write this if you don't want to. I got this idea and thought I'll send it to you.
arms of a stranger - e.b
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summary: request above :)
evan buckley x reader
the tsunami had entirely taken out a whole community and a street of small businesses. it came rushing through, causing immediate calamity and jeopardy. not the most ideal first date, but definitely gets you closer to strangers.
the first wave had washed buck and christopher off of the pier, sending them away with bits and pieces of the structure. y/n had been shoved under the waves, which were horrifying but also marvelous. her lungs were filling with water and sand from the shores. it felt like every time she came up it wasn’t worth anything, as she would be pulled back under seconds later.
she heard the screams from buck, hearing the sharp yells of someone’s name. the adrenaline in her system kept her brain moving speedily and her heart beating fast. the red engine had sparkled out of the corner of her eye from the sizzling sun of california. she forced herself over, when the man gripped her arms and pulled her on. she bent over, coughing up water and leaning back on the truck.
“hey, are you ok?” he asks, worried.
“yeah, i’ll be fine. are you two alright?”
“we’re good, just scared shitless,” buck chuckles a little, trying to bring a little light to the disaster.
“same, i’m no mermaid.”
“it’s going to be alright, ok? i’m here for you,” he reassures immediately. he must have an instinct to protect people, she thinks.
y/n vividly remembers sitting next to christopher, watching buck save other people, and bring them to the top of the truck. she remembers the exact feeling of her jeans sticking to her thighs and her scraped arms from the wood and sticks in the water. he was just a little boy, he didn’t deserve to be in the middle of such a mess. when people had succumbed to the oceans, she covered his eyes to maintain his innocence whilst she couldn’t look away.
buck had come back and forth, saving several people. she immediately admired him. you have no idea the amount of courage and selflessness it takes to put yourself in the eye of the hurricane. and buck did that without thinking twice. most people would stay put, but he knows there’s no point to life if you don’t do everything in your power to make it a better place.
all hell broke loose when the truck shook, knocking several people off as buck watched christopher disappear in the waves. everyone was separated. no one knew how to get back, and everyone was shaking in fear.
hours went by and the sun went down and bucks panic didn’t go with it. he lost the one thing he was given to care of. christopher was a light in the tunnel and the one who truly got him out of bed. people only had good intentions and the world took that to an advantage.
y/n walked around, soaking wet after the water had started going back out to sea. she wandered around the town, looking for anyone she knew or something familiar. suddenly, nothing had become safe until she saw the sitting boy on the steps of a building, his eyes small and tired. the one she tried so hard to save from floating away, and she prayed he was going to be ok when she walked over. he was slumped to the side, his head leaning on a railing. “y/n?” christopher’s eyes focus, squinting at her.
“oh my god, christopher! you’re ok!” she runs over with whatever energy she has left. she pulls him into her, checking him over with her hands on his face. “are you? i’m so sorry, buddy, it all happened so fast.”
“i’m ok, i’m tired though,” he remarks. “where is buck?”
“i don’t know, ive been trying to find out for you, but the woman said there’s going to be units here soon. we can find him.”
“is he dead?”
y/n pauses, taken aback by his statement. “i don’t think so, chris. he’s a tough guy, really tough.”
“he just got hurt, what if he is again?”
“he was hurt?”
“at work.” y/n sighs, looking around again for anyone before moving to sit next to him. christopher leans on her shoulder, dozing off lightly as y/n happily allows it.
at least fourty-five minutes go by before ambulances and rescue personelle arrive to the scene. there were probably a hundred people clattering about, trying to find out if their family or friends were alive. y/n was given oxygen along with christopher, who shared the tank due to an emergency shortage.
they were transported to the nearest hospital right after sundown. christopher arm was tangled with hers for balance, trying to find his dad and buck. y/n observes buck and the other man, diaz on his name tag. they both have tears in there eyes as buck stutters on about the boy. eddie looks behind him, about to run out of there and search for christopher when he sees him limping over, exhausted. “christopher?”
“dad!” he yells, as eddie sprints over to take him. he checks him over the same way y/n did, making sure every single part of him is safe. y/n looks away as eddie carries him away to get checked out and she locks eyes with buck. he’s talking to his fellow firefighters, them observing his disoriented condition. when he stares into y/n’s pained expression, his knees give out but his eyes stay locked on her. he blinks a few times and somehow, she vanished right before his eyes.
he had a whole speech to give her. she saved christopher, and she saved him. he could have never made it out of this alone and he had to say that, but she was gone before he knew it.
two weeks had passed since an entire portion of los angeles had been demolished in two minutes. the city coming together to help everyone affected was truly beautiful, but something was missing in bucks eyes. he felt like he had to see y/n, but he had no idea how to reach her or where to find her. he wanted to give her anything she wanted for being there.
he roamed around on calls, taking a second glance at anyone who resembled her or her name. maybe he misheard it or something? he didn’t want to give up, but everyone had been telling him to let the tsunami go out of his mind with the tide. one of those ways was to avoid that day and the reminders. was it the best coping mechanism? absolutely not, but buck would try anything and everything to forget a trauma.
until he was asked to watch christopher again, he thought there was no point in bringing up the memory for especially you. you’d been there the whole time, being a bad swimmer and nearly drowning with no past disaster training. buck had that, and she was worse off than him, he thought. when christopher mentions her name, he realizes there is no point in trying to forget. this happened and there is no erasing it, maybe what he needed was y/n.
he took christopher for another day out, far from the shore and the non-existent pier. they’d gone to the indoor arcades and fun little places to hang out or just talk. buck was desperate for an energy boost, so he dragged christopher into the nearest coffee shop. it was an adorable little place with a few businesspeople sitting around on their computers. the smell of coffee and cakes hit bucks nose delightfully. his eyes land on y/n, casually making an latte like it’s muscle memory.
he stares at her in delight and christopher is the one to nudge him close to the counter. “hurry up, buck!”
“i’ll be right with you in one,” y/n’s sentence comes to a halt when she turns around to see buck, the man who saved her, standing behind her. “second. um, hey! how are you guys?”
“we’re good! i- im good, i didn���t know you worked here.”
“have been for a while, it’s easy money for school.”
“oh, nice. what are you in school for?” y/n explains her whole major to buck and why she’s here, practically giving a life story.
“sorry. that was a lot of information you don’t care about,” she laughs, pressing the cover onto the hot drink in her hands.
“i care a lot!” buck says a little too fast. “or, i care about you. how have you been doing?” y/n looks down at the boy with a radiant smile, wanting to show her bravery and strength in front of him, but it’s hard. “hey, chris. why don’t you find somewhere to sit?”
once he walks away to pick out a table, she begins again. “it’s been tough. my sleep schedules all messed up and focusing is like trying to fight a grizzly bear.”
“i’m so sorry, y/n. it’s been so hard trying to deal with it. but give yourself time,” he says sweetly. “you won’t heal if you force yourself.”
she gives him a little smile, appreciating his generosity and now starting to appreciate his looks. her eyes dart around his face, looking into his alluring blue eyes and his lips, and she couldn’t forget that birthmark that is perfect to her. he’s a beautiful man, but an even more beautiful soul. firefighters come with a lot of respect in society, but she had that for him even before she found out. he would never say something too fast, but he noticed her the first time he saw her and grabbed onto her. his rescue response had turned on and was stronger than ever, and the aftermath made him fall in love with her resiliency. she was insanely hot, he had to admit. buck’s gonna buck.
“thank you, buck. for everything. i want to give you the ends of the earth,” she grins. “but maybe we can start with a free coffee?”
“a free coffee sounds amazing,” he replies. he builds up the courage from his crushing self to ask her yet another question. a more bold on, at that. “do you wanna go out sometime? maybe not on top of a fire truck, in a flood?”
y/n’s heart burst right then and there. she had been dying to ask him to same thing, but figured he was too busy with work. besides, he does what he did for her every day so she figured it meant nothing. at the end of the day, it did. “i’d love too!” she shoots out her words rapidly, almost immediately curing bucks anxieties. she shakes her head quickly, trying to rub off her hyper mood. “i’d really like that. here, this is my number,” she writes down the ten digits on a scraped receipt, handing it to him and walking away to make his drink and a snack for christopher.
“perfect,” buck states with a sly wink. “expect a text or two tonight.”
y/n turns back around, heading to the employee room. she can’t find it in her to wipe the rich smile on her face. meanwhile, buck walks over to sit with christopher at the counter by the window. christopher’s grinning at him, high-fiving him and saying, “and buck has done it again!”
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jobean12-blog · 1 year
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You and Me and Us
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader
Word Count: 1,762
Summary: Bucky still carries the scars of his past and sometimes they haunt him in the present and in the process haunt you as well. 
Author’s Note: This is for my lovely friend Lau’s @sweeterthanthis Bittersweet Symphony Writing Challenge! I picked prompt #25: “Show meyour scars and I won’t walk away.” - Beyonce, Sandcastles. I didn’t use the actualy prompt in the story but rather was inspired by the idea of how we all have scars and how we carry them and how our loved ones share the burden. Thank you for hosting this darling! Angst is always a challenge for me so it’s good to give it a go sometimes! Thank you all so much for reading! Much love always! ❤️❤️❤️Divider by the sweet @firefly-graphics thank you Daisy! 🥰
Warnings: angsty, lots of feels, tears, but it all works out bc it has to. 
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“Buckyyyy,” you giggle sleepily into the pillow, “that tickles.”
His strong arms wrap around you and he pulls you into his chest, smoothing his hands across your skin while his lips press to the crook of your neck.
“Mm, morning doll face,” he whispers as he nuzzles closer.
“Morning,” you sigh as your body goes pliant in his arms, your fingers curling into the sheets as he kisses more of your skin.
The early morning sun shines through the thin curtains and a warm ocean breeze blows in through the open window, carrying the scent of salt air and hydrangea.
“Let’s stay in bed today,” he murmurs before flipping you onto your back.
Your stomach grumbles in response and he laughs, his face lighting up and the corners of his eyes crinkled with his wide smile.
“Ok, I’ll feed you first,” he relents playfully, “but then you’re not getting out of this bed for the rest of the day,” he finishes as his kisses caress your shoulder.
“What about lunch?” you breathe out. “And…” you continue, the rest of your thoughts dying with your low moan.
“We can have all those in bed too,” he says, as he settles between your legs.
You drag your fingers through his hair, your nails scraping down his back before you wrap your legs around him.
“Bucky,” you gasp, your whole body warm and alive with his touch.
Like sand falling through a sieve the sensations start to dissipate and your skin grows cold, your own voice echoing loudly in the empty darkness.
“Bucky,” you say, urgent and more frantic.
Your hands and arms flail around, grasping the sheets in a desperate attempt to feel him.
Nothing but cold emptiness.
You wake with a startled scream, your hands tightened into fists and your throat dry.
“Bucky,” you whisper meekly, your voice cracking.
You’re met with silence other than the distant sound of the foaming waves breaking below and before you can stop yourself you fly off of the bed and out the back door.
Your lungs burn with exertion as you race toward the shoreline, your chest heaving with your large gulps of air and when you reach the edge you come to an abrupt stop, your momentum nearly toppling you over and into the cool water.
The sand seeps between your toes, gritty against your bare skin and the moonlight dances across the water, illuminating the foamy waves every time they kiss your feet.
Memories flood you like the rush of water, bringing you to your knees.
You can still recall every moment, every soft touch, every whispered word and you carry it all with you, a heavy veil that surrounds you in every waking moment.
Pressing your palms to your temples you clench your teeth before you scream into the night, the ocean swallowing up the sound.
Your hands fall to the sand, sinking deeper as the water gently buries them.
You replay those days, all those weeks ago, over and over in your head, wracking your brain to figure out what went wrong. There was no way he could just walk away from you, leaving you with nothing but the empty space, one that threatens to drown you with every breath you take.
You don’t know how long you lay in the sand, your clothes soaked and sandy and your cheeks stained salty from the tears.
With an effort that you can barely overcome you lift yourself up and crawl away from the waves, standing on shaky feet that eventually carry you back to the small bungalow hidden among the dunes.
Knowing that sleep will be pointless you drag yourself into the bathroom and run the hot water in the large tub. Stripping off your soiled clothes you climb in and sink down until your chin touches the surface bubbles, the soft scent of lavender drifting up to your nose and mixing with the salt air that blows warm through the open window.
You close your eyes and try to calm your breathing, sinking lower until you’re fully submerged under the water. You don’t come up until your lungs are burning and then you lean your head back, letting the tears roll freely down your cheeks.
Your skin is pruned and the water is cold by the time you leave the tub and wrap yourself in a towel. The moment you step out of the bathroom you know something is off, the hairs on the nape of your neck standing on end and your body growing tense and alert.
With silent movements you sneak toward the bedroom, stopping at the small table in the hallway to grab one of the many knives Bucky had purposefully and expertly hidden around the house.
Your heart hammers against your rib cage as you creep quietly along the wall, your steps meticulously placed so you miss every creak in the floor.
You can hear something but you can’t make out what it is so you wait just outside the door and listen. Your fingers are fisted into the towel, your other hand closed tightly around the hilt of the knife. You catch some movement out of the corner of your eye and gauge the location as best you can then you let out a slow breath, readying yourself before jumping forward and throwing the knife toward the intruder.
Without a sound the knife cuts through the air and you watch, stunned, as long and deft fingers close around the hilt before it reaches it’s target.
“Bucky,” you cry, your body going still and barely breathing before you crumple.  
He’s on you before you hit the floor, the knife clattering to the hard wood as his arms wrap around you.
You sob into his chest, scratching your nails down the leather before you look up and into his eyes.
“You left me,” you cry. “You left….”
Your hands ball into fists and you hit him, beating on his chest and repeating the words over and over. He let’s you do it until you start to soften against him and he grabs your arms, dragging you closer and crashing his lips to yours.
“No,” you say against his lips and push on his chest, but he doesn’t release you and you quickly give in and melt into his arms.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers again and again, in between kisses. “I’m so sorry doll.”
When you finally pull away you’re breathless for more than one reason and you swallow hard, studying his face, his features drawn tight with remorse.
“I don’t understand,” you say softly as your fingertips trace his jaw and the dried blood that lines it stains your fingers.
“I had to leave. I did it to keep you safe. They found me, Hydra found me and…I had to go.”
He stops talking and hangs his head, leaning it against your shoulder, breathing in your scent. He sags into you and you can feel the slight shake of his shoulders before he sniffles.
“I thought about you every second of every day. It was all I could do to keep going. I had to get back to you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you had to go?” you ask him, your eyes pleading as you tuck your fingers under his chin and lift his eyes to yours. “I had no idea what happened. One day I woke up and you were gone. No note, no trace…nothing. Like a ghost.”
Your pained words have him squeezing you tighter, his fingers digging into your skin in desperation.
“It was too risky. Keeping you safe is the only thing that matters. They would have come for you. I needed to get to them first.”
“You were gone for so long…I…I…” you start but break down again before you can finish the thought.
“Please,” he says.
You go still at that one simple word. “Please what?” you ask.
He lifts his fingers to your cheek, his knuckles brushing across your skin before he cradles your face in his hand and moves closer.
“You have to forgive me,” he chokes out. “Please.”
“Bucky.” His name is a sigh, pained and broken. “I can’t lose you. You have to trust me; you have to talk to me.”
His eyes flare and go bright with tears.
“I do trust you. I trust you more than anything,” he pleads. “It’s just. I hate it. Every part of me that…does these things. I need to protect you. From everything. Even from me.”
His confession brings fresh tears to your eyes and you take his face in your hands, brushing your thumb over his trembling lips before you kiss him softly.
“Bucky,” you whisper, resting your forehead to his. “You’re going to overcome this. All of it. You just have to be willing to embrace it and walk through it and come out on the other side of it.”
He meets your gaze, his eyes glimmering with pain…and love. “I don’t know how to get there.”
“I’ll be with you every step of the way,” you tell him with determination. “Just don’t lock me out. If there are things you need to do…do them but don’t lock me out. Talk to me. Trust me. And promise me you’ll never leave like his again…even if it is to protect me.”
He strokes his thumb across your cheek, marveling at your words, your beauty, and the love you so willingly give him.
“I promise,” he whispers. “I promise doll. I’ll do anything for you. Anything. I love you more than life itself. Thank you.”  
He pulls you into his lap and the towel falls loose from your body, his hands ghosting over your skin, wrapping you in their warmth and strength and tightening when bury your face in his neck and place a soft kiss under his ear.
“It’s been a waking nightmare without you Bucky. I can’t bear it again.”
He grips your chin, his callouses scraping across your delicate skin, “you’ll never have to. I promise I’ll never leave you again.”
You wrap your arms around his neck and press closer as he lifts you in his arms and carries you to the bed.
“I promise,” he says again as he lays you down and covers your body with his.
His lips hover just above yours, the leather and rough material of his clothing harsh against your bare skin.
“I promise doll.”
It comes out as a whisper, a tease of his breath across your lips before he gently kisses you, pouring every ounce of love into it.
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@book-dragon-13 @dreamlessinparis @goldylions @hiddles-rose @lookiamtrying @loki-laufeyson-1054 @randomfandompenguin @flordeamatista​ @manyfandomsfanvergent​ @peaches1958​
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oneatlatime · 5 months
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The Desert
Alternate title: Gimme Appa back.
"But I believe, Aang can save the world." no pressure kid.
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I had completely forgotten about these two chuckleheads. For once the 'Previously On' segment is useful rather than spoilery.
Ok Aang is going to get the world's biggest pass this episode, because he's in the suckiest of all situations. But even so, how exactly was Toph supposed to come and get them, when she was both actually blind for once and the only reason the library hadn't drowned them yet?
Aang has something of a history of running away. Does going after Appa count as running away from his friends?
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Zuko's theatre kid tendencies are genetic.
The way Iroh said "What Now?" you know he was actually saying "fuck's sake."
Zuko's hair seems to grow very quickly. I thought that I could use his hair growth to measure time passing but this is not tracking. He barely had a buzz cut in The Chase and now he's fluffy.
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Two things: a) this guy has eyes greyer than Aang this episode. b) He's cocking his hands like that ridiculous Henry Cavill scene from Mission Impossible where he cocks his biceps.
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This guy's spear has piercings. And is coming out of a Dragon's mouth.
I don't know that I'd call these guys legendary. They're zero for two against an Avatar in Drag and two starving refugees with three functioning arms.
Doesn't Katara ever change out her water? Or even use it up and have to refill it?
I said it last episode, and I'll say it again: why did five people, a lemur, and a ten tonne sky bison travel into a desert famous for its desertiness with only a single water pouch between them? Admittedly, if they'd brought extra water and left it on Appa, they'd be having the same problem, but still...
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Is a kids' show actually going to go there?
They actually went there!
Honestly if you're dying of dehydration in the desert, eating strange plants is absolutely the way to go. I'd rather trip my way into the afterlife than just shrivel up and die.
I love the way Aang's glider shadow moves over the dunes. Another one of those tiny details that the animators could have left out, but they didn't!
Sand benders must get crazy high speeds if Aang can't spot even a trace of Appa from up high. He wasn't Appa-napped very long ago.
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Everyone go watch the scene where Aang blows up the mushroom cloud. Go right now I'll wait. And pay attention to Sokka's mouth. It does the wave.
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His mouth does the wave and his arms do the worm. Someone really had fun this episode.
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Zuko breaking the world record for highest number of Fire Nation wanted posters. Despite being the only person on that board who's unquestionably loyal to the Fire Nation. What a nice reward he got for his loyalty.
How is that one wrestler dude's hair so shiny?
Why, other than plot convenience, would Zuko and Iroh be at the Ice Spring?
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I see now that the left hand shadow is Sokka with a Momo on his head. But for just a second I thought it was Ramona from Scott Pilgrim.
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There are some really beautiful colour gradients in this desert.
"We won't survive without Appa." Well yes, but you have to try.
If this is a normal desert they're going to freeze their butts off overnight.
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No comment. Just vibes.
Hey this is a Katara episode! Toph is blind, Sokka's zoinked, Aang's given up, so it's Katara time baby!
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This episode has no business being this pretty.
"Sokka. I was there." I'd be very surprised if Katara's voice actress doesn't have an idiot older brother. That line was delivered a little too perfectly.
I'm not going to comment on every Sokka is high joke, but rest assured I'm finding them all hilarious.
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Those drinks cost a gold piece each. Where did they get five gold pieces from?
Colour me shocked. The chuckleheads actually had a good idea for once.
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Colour me shocked again! I vaguely predicted this!
Zuko. Honey. How are you this dim? He's so very good at missing exactly what's in front of him.
"Gold?"
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Big muscles. No brains.
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Very pretty. The sand texture is good too.
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Well that was mean.
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Passive aggressive glider deployment. Also how low is that cloud if Aang can reach it to bend it?
Aang is not shining this episode (understandably) but Katara is going from strength to strength. I NEVER would have thought that she was someone who could keep her cool under pressure like this. Happy to be wrong!
I have no idea if Sokka is going to remember or be aware of this epic trip he's on, but this is probably the best time he's had in months. Certainly since Yue died. He deserves this. Bad timing, but he needed a break.
"You must forgive my nephew. He is not an initiate, and is dumb as shit and incapable of reading the room."
Why is there a flower shop in the middle of the desert? What clients do they have? Obviously it's a front for this pai sho secret society thing, but why did they pick such a nonsensical front?
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Toph has so much personality that it's easy to forget how tiny she is. Like a little gargoyle.
Sokka talking like a Greaser was the thing I didn't know I needed.
Poor Katara. Now you know how your brother feels every time he has to save your bacon from your weekly prison break.
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I am losing my mind over these colours. Especially after The Library.
"I have a natural curiosity." I'm going to start using that.
Oops they found the circle bird nest.
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Hey showrunners, you're going to take Momo from me too? You sure you want to do that? After last episode? Don't give me a pretty sunset with a latte swirl. Give me back Appa, put down Momo, or I'll sic Toph on you.
I do like Toph as a piece of artillery.
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Turns out a combined Appa and Momo -napping is what it takes to get Aang to break his no killing rule. I now know how to defeat the Fire Lord.
The Audacity. Going to Ba-Sing- however the hell that's spelled. The sheer audacity. But then what? What's the plan after they get there? Just live the rest of their lives?
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Rejected Mortal Combat guy.
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You ever have one of those days where you do only your top lip?
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Whoever made that door, and that lock - good job!
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Nothing to see here, just making a delivery of two giant planters in the middle of the desert. The Owl decided to spruce up his entryway.
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Y'all are fucked. Y'all deserve it. Aang has completely lost control. He's spent the whole episode losing it more and more and now he's gone completely off the rails. Has he ever zipped into the Avatar state that fast before?
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Never underestimate the power of a woman who's fed up with everyone's nonsense. Just so fed up.
Well that was sad.
Badass name of the day: Malachi Throne, voice of a character whose name I don't recognise.
Final Thoughts
This was Katara's episode. I'm not going to forgive not getting Appa back, but Katara actually keeping a level head for once was an unexpected delight.
This episode was pretty unrelentingly heavy in the A-plot, which is why I don't understand why Sokka and Momo tripping worked so well. It did work, and I very much enjoyed it, but it should have stuck out like a sore thumb and it didn't. The beat up Sokka quota fulfillled from within by chemicals was a nice creative touch.
I am very happy to see Iroh take the wheel, although I'm not convinced there's a long term plan here beyond get food and shelter. Which, fair enough, goals tend to be short term and immediate when you're in dire straits.
This episode really stomped all over Aang. And then stomped some more. I was surprised how negative and shouty he was at the beginning, but by the end I was surprised how long it took him to lose it. Apart from his staff and his clothes, Appa really is all he has left from before he got frozen. That sandbender punk was rotten to the core.
So I guess we're going to the earth kingdom capital regardless of the eclipse information. Is the rest of the season going to be getting there? I also can't help but notice that it's where Iroh and Zuko are headed as well. Zuko could actively run in the direction opposite to the Avatar and he'd still end up tripping over him. The earth Kingdom is ginormous. And yet, like every two episodes Zuko runs into the Avatar. Is it fate? Is it plot convenience?
I should dislike this episode. It's 24 minutes of our faves getting beat down and not finding Appa, with a b-plot of Zuko being more oblivious than usual. I should dislike it, but I don't. This is definitely going on the rewatch list. It was a very pretty episode, which helped. Beyond that I can't put into words why I liked it, but I did!
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fortheloveofwonderland · 11 months
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🎵 But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all? And if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like you’ve been here before? - Pompeii by Bastille
Hi can i request and spencer reader for scarlets concert please
# milestone celebrations
Hello lovely Anon! Kind of a rewrite of 15.04 Saturday I guess. Artistic liberties were taken in that the Jeid confession never happened (like we all wish it hadn’t). Also the way Spencer talks about Pompeii is actually how the lead singer of Bastille described the meaning of the song in an interview.
I am still taking song lyric requests for my milestone celebration 🎵
Pompeii
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Gif does not depict the appearance of the reader.
Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader
Summary - Spencer Reid is stuck in a rut, bored by his mundane life. But one conversation with a stranger prompts his whole life to change. And he knows he’ll never be bored again.
CW - slightly miserable Spencer, therapists, a lot of talk of Mount Vesuvius eruption and death, Spencer and his uncomfortable info dumps, self depreciating Spencer, one swear, mostly silliness and cute dog interactions.
WC - 4.3k
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Spencer Reid was, for a lack of a better word, bored. Unfortunately for him, given his incredibly high IQ and his brain's need for constant stimulation, it was easy for him to feel this way. 
For a long time now he’d felt like he was living a Groundhog Day. His life became a series of tedious events that seemed to recur over and over again in the exact same way. 
His days started with coffee and the newspaper, whether he was at home or away on a case. He showered, towel dried his errant hair and dressed in some version of the same outfit everyday. 
Then he went to work, taking the metro at the same time everyday he was in DC or jumping into one of the SUV’s, always in the back seat, if they were away. 
The cases always seemed much the same as each other these days. People were being murdered, it was their jobs to stop the unsub. 
Time and time again Spencer found himself in front of a map working the geographic profile or he was utilised if there was a lot of literature as he was the only one who could get through it fast enough. 
He spoke to Garica over the phone, sometimes watched interrogations through the two-way glass, rarely conducted them. And when they had a suspect, he got on his Kevlar and piled into the SUV with the rest of the team. 
Whether they stopped the unsub before it was too late or not meant very little to him these days. 
And then he’d crawl into bed, sometimes his own, sometimes a random hotel bed in whatever town the team found themselves in. It didn’t much matter, they were all equally as lonely. 
And Spencer was just bored of it all. 
When he closed his eyes, it almost felt as if nothing had changed at all; like he’d been here before. The monotony of his days was getting him down. His impressive brain wasn’t being used to its full capacity and he felt it withering away inside of his skull. 
He didn’t feel challenged in any aspect of his life. His job had grown stale and maybe if he had something else to keep his mind occupied it might be ok. But climbing into an empty bed was by far the most soul destroying part of this perpetual deja vu loop he’d ended up in. 
How was he supposed to be optimistic when life kept giving him reasons not to be? 
Along with the boredom, Spencer started spiralling into a vicious pit of misery. It’s not that he was necessarily depressed, but he certainly wasn’t happy. 
He became snappy with the people he called his friends. He was easily irritable, quick to anger. Everyone had noticed. It didn't take a profiler to see Spencer wasn’t himself. 
But much like they always did, they buried their heads in the sand, busy enough with their own lives so they didn’t have time to worry about the youngest member of their team. It was a pattern he’d grown used to, another mundane facet of Spencer’s life. They cared, he knew that, but maybe they didn’t care enough. 
His days off were always the same too. 
He spent the mornings with coffee and a newspaper, showered and dressed before leaving his apartment. The home he’d once loved, his fortress of solitude, had grown so impossibly lonely that he couldn’t bear to spend more time there than he had to. 
Those four walls in which he’d lived for close to two decades now seemed hell bent on provoking him, reminding him how isolated he’d become. 
So he went out, to coffee shops, bookstores and museums; always in that order. He hated the rut he’d found himself in but he couldn’t for the life of him snap himself out of it. As much as he hated it, repetition was something he was good at. 
But something had to change. He had to find a way to banish the grey clouds that rolled over the hills, shrouding him in a constant darkness. 
And that was how Spencer Reid ended up on his day office in a therapist's office. 
His first three sessions went exactly the same, a constant theme in his life. His therapist would ask him what brought him here and what he hoped to achieve; in response Spencer would pretty much clam up instantly. 
In their fourth session, things played out a little differently. 
Doctor Santiago didn’t have her notebook on her lap when he entered her office like she had the other three times. Her hands were laced in her lap, her glasses pushed up on top of her head. Her expression was less amicable than usual. 
“Spencer,” she spoke before he’d even gotten comfortable. “I don’t mean to sound callous, but is it really worth wasting your money and what precious free time you have, coming here when you aren’t going to talk about why you’re here?” 
He looked at his shoes, one of which was tapping against the carpet, then he looked at his hands. He didn’t look back at Doctor Santiago when he spoke. 
“I’ve been reading a lot about Mount Versuvius and Pompeii.” He drummed his fingers against his thigh in time with his foots rhythmic tapping, 
“Ok…” Doctor Santiago frowned a little but hoped if she didn’t say too much so he would continue. 
“All those people who were just going about their days, lost in their own vices and then boom, it’s all over just like that. Posed forever in time as the dust settles around them. Do you know that approximately sixteen thousand people died in Pompeii?” He glanced up at her, his own expression contorted in confusion. 
“I didn’t know that.” The Doctor shook her head. “So you’ve been thinking about death?”
“No.” He rolled his lip between his teeth. “Although I suppose that would be the more obvious trail of thought. But once you get to know me you’ll realise my trails of thought are anything but obvious.” 
“I’m not sure I understand where you’re going with this then.” 
Spencer huffed out a breath, frustrated even though he was used to people never understanding him. 
“I’ve been thinking about stasis.” He mused and he watched as his therapist's brow furrowed. “Just imagine it, how boring must it have been, emotionally speaking, in the aftermath? Just stuck in the same position for hundreds and hundreds of years.” 
Doctor Santiago’s brow was furrowed so deeply her eyebrows were practically in her eye sockets. 
“But they were dead.” She stated the obvious.
“Logically I know that. But for some reason I just can’t help thinking about it. I keep having imaginary conversations in my head as if I were one of those people. Stuck in some kind of like, tragic death pose and having a conversation with the other people also resided to the same fate.” He frowned himself now as he spoke it out loud. 
It sounded even more ridiculous hearing himself say it. Was he really so bored that these were the kind of thoughts he spent his time nurturing? 
The doctor leant forward with her knees on her elbows, it was her job to quickly make assumptions about the things her patients told her and to read between the lines. 
“You feel like one of those people. Stuck in time while the rest of the world continues to move around you.” She stated it is a fact, didn’t ask. 
Spencer winced a little at her summation but nodded nonetheless. 
“People always see my IQ as a blessing, but actually a lot of the time it’s more like a curse. Boredom is so much easier for me to fall into, if my brain’s not being stimulated enough.” He ran his fingers over the crease in his slacks, hoping it would work to distract him from talking about himself. 
“And you feel like you aren’t getting enough stimulation?” She narrowed her eyes on him. 
“Not anymore. Not for a long time.” He agreed. “I love my job but it’s just not challenging me anymore. I feel like…let’s say the BAU is a city, like Pompeii. I used to love that city, but now it just feels like all the walls are tumbling down and I’ve been left covered in rubble, left in this monotonous death pose for all of eternity.” 
God that sounds morbid and very over dramatic, what is wrong with me? 
“You’re stuck in a rut.” Doctor Santiago didn’t seem perturbed, she’d probably heard a lot worse. 
“Undoubtedly.” He agreed. 
“You’re going to do something for me today.” She sat back in her chair, a smile toying at her lips which Spencer wasn’t sure he liked. “You’re going to go somewhere you wouldn’t ordinarily go, not a bookstore, not a museum. Somewhere new for Spencer Reid.” 
“That’s all?” He frowned sceptically. 
“No,” Santiago chuckled with a shake of her head. “I want you to have one conversation with someone you don’t know. Don’t talk about work, or your routine. Definitely don’t talk about Pompeii or death poses.” 
“See, here’s the thing with that,” Spencer swallowed. “In case it wasn’t clear, I am exceptionally socially awkward. I can’t just talk to a stranger. How about I come up with some conversation topics and next week we can discuss them and then-”
“Spencer,” she cut him off. “Today. It’s time to break you out of your rut, ok?” 
Goddamnit, why did I ever come here? 
***
The park was just about the least Spencer Reid place to hang out that there was, aside from maybe the beach, and he felt inherently uncomfortable. 
He was a middle aged man in a suit jacket and shirt, wandering a park on a Saturday afternoon, alone. He actually found himself willing his cell phone to ring and being called into work rather than go through with this. 
One conversation with someone he didn’t know. It was at its core a simple enough task. At least it would be for most people, people unlike Spencer who didn’t feel paralysed at the thought of talking to strangers. 
It was different at work, where part of his job was to talk to people all the time. He had some sort of authority in those situations, his presence was helping catch a killer. In the park he was out in the wild, thrown to the wolves. He was so far out of his comfort zone it made him feel nauseous. 
But for the first time in months, he wasn’t bored. And maybe Doctor Santiago had been onto something. 
He scanned the area as he meandered down the tree lined path that cut through the park, in search of someone who looked normal enough for him to strike up a conversation with. Most people weren’t alone, with their families, partners or kids or both. The only other people he noticed on their own didn’t look what Spencer would deem as normal.
He spent almost an hour wandering with the bright DC sunshine beaming down on him. Eventually he started to feel sweat gathering at the base of his neck and at his temples and ambled to the nearest bench. 
He shucked off his jacket and rolled his shirt sleeves up to his elbows. Feeling dejected and slightly fed up, he pulled his book on Mount Vesuvius out of his satchel and started reading it for approximately the seventy-sixth time. 
When Spencer was reading, his brain blocked off everything else that wasn’t directly on the pages in front of him. He couldn’t hear the sound of people chatting and laughing in the park, he could no longer feel the heat from the sun. He was lost somewhere in Pompeii. 
It was because of this that he didn’t notice the large, fluffy mutt running directly at him, or hear its owner calling for him to stop. It wasn’t until he felt something heavy pressing against his knees and his book being snuffled out of the way by a wet nose, that he looked up from the pages. 
The dog with its piercing blue eyes and a soft, fuzzy face stared at him, paws on either of Spencer’s knees and its tongue hanging dopily out its mouth. Spencer stared at the mutt for a moment or two, somewhat perplexed, before it dribbled on Spencer’s slacks and Spencer groaned in frustration.
“Gross,” He grumbled, giving the dog a soft push. “Get down.” 
The dog dropped back to the grass, but continued staring at Spencer while he found a handkerchief in his satchel and wiped his pants. 
“Beau! Beau, what are you doing?” A panted voice caused Spencer’s eyes to snap away from the dog and up to a woman running his way.
Spencer felt his chest tighten as he watched the grace with which you chased after the errant dog. 
“I’m so sorry.” You fought to catch your breath as you stopped in front of him and the dog. “He’s so much faster than me.” 
“He dribbles.” Spencer tucked the soiled handkerchief away.
“Yeah, dogs will do that.” You laughed, clipping the leash to the husky’s collar. 
“I could have been allergic.” Spencer stood up from the bench.
“Allergic to dogs?” You cocked a curious eyebrow at him.
“Dog saliva. A study showed that dog saliva contains at least twelve different types of allergy-causing protein bands.” He told you, stuffing his hands in pockets.
“Right, odd thing to say to someone you just met, but sure.” You shook your head.
“It was reported that a seventy year old woman had a severe infection of bacterium called capnocytophaga canimorsus, which likely came from her Italian Greyhound’s saliva.” He continued despite himself. 
“When was the last time you talked to an actual human being?” You pulled a face, patting Beau’s fuzzy head and causing him to mewl happily. 
“I talk to human being’s all the time.” He frowned, not understanding the question. 
“About dog saliva?” 
“No.” He shook his head. “Never about dog saliva actually.”
“Maybe don’t make a habit of it, it's kinda weird.” Your lip started to slowly curl up into a small smile. 
“Duly noted.” He shrugged awkwardly. “Does, uh…would you say this counted as a conversation?” 
Your brows knitted together, almost immediately wiping the smile from your face. 
“What would you class as a conversation?” 
“An informal talk between two or more people, in which thoughts, feelings and ideas are expressed.” He quoted the dictionary definition of the term. 
“Well, this seemed pretty informal. I shared my thoughts about you coming across as weird, as you shared your ideas about my dog’s saliva and my feelings towards it are discomfort. Seems like a conversation.” 
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m sorry.” He sighed to himself. “My therapist wanted me to have one conversation with one person I don’t know today and I guess I achieved that so please, don’t feel like you need to stand here and humour me any longer.” 
“I’m your homework?” The smile spread back to your lips.
“I mean, that makes it sound clinical.” 
“This was kinda clinical.” You chuckled and Spencer’s heart felt lighter than air at that sound. “Why don’t we try again. Hi, I’m Y/N and this is my dog Beau.” 
Beau barked happily at the sound of his name, his giant front paws tapping on the grass in excitement.
“Spencer.” He nodded with a tight lipped smile. “I’m sorry if I offended you or your dog.” 
“Luckily for you, neither of us are very easily offended.” You smirked, sidling past him and sitting down on the bench. 
Spencer faced you with a soft frown. 
“What are you doing?” 
“Sitting, isn’t that obvious?” You crossed one leg over the other and unclipped Beau’s leash again. “Off you go boy.”
Beau did as he was told and joyfully bounded away, but made sure to stay in your field of vision. Spencer looked between you and the husky as he started exploring trees with the use of his nose.
“You aren’t worried he won’t come back?”
“He’s very well trained. And besides, I have his favourite treats.” You patted your pocket. 
“Fair enough.” Spencer nodded and reached down for his things. “Well it was nice to meet you I guess. Have a good day.” 
“Where are you going?” You stopped him before he could walk away. 
“I, uh, was going to leave you to it?” He cradled the book and his satchel under one arm.
“You said you needed to have a conversation, so I sat down so we could have one.” You chuckled again and it was quickly becoming Spencer’s favourite sound. 
“Oh. Oh. Really? You want to have a conversation with me? After I talked about the bacteria in dog saliva?” 
“Yeah, I don’t really understand it either. But you seem…” You trailed off, unable to find the right word.
“Lonely? Creepy? Pathetic?” He tried, again causing you to laugh.
“Oddly endearing.” You corrected him. 
It wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever been called, and he’d take what he could get. He slid back down to the bench, ensuring to keep a comfortable amount of space between you and placed his bag and book in his lap. 
“Uh, just as a forewarning, I am not very good at small talk.” Spencer raked one hand through his hair. 
“Oh don’t worry, I already gathered that.” You glanced away from him towards Beau briefly before looking back at him. “So, can I ask why your therapist is making you have conversations with strangers?” 
“I’m stuck in a rut, I suppose.” He confessed, finding it strange how easy it was to want to open up to you. “My job, my personal life; it’s the same thing day in and day out. I’m just a little bored of it all.” 
“What do you do?” 
“If it’s ok with you, I’d rather not talk about it. I’m trying not to focus all of my energy, all of my personality into what I do for a living.” He rolled his lip between his teeth. 
“Ok.” You shrugged. “What are you reading?”
Spencer looked down at the hardback in his lap and turned it over to display the cover. He ran his fingers over it remembering Doctor Santiago’s specific instructions. 
Definitely don’t talk about Pompeii or death poses.
“It’s about Pompeii and the eruption of Mount Vesuvius.” He blurted out. 
“Oh, just some light and cheery reading then.” You laughed and if you kept doing that Spencer may very well fall in love with you. 
“It’s…meditative in a way.” He shrugged. “I was told
I shouldn’t talk about it.” 
“Your therapist told you topics of conversation?” You raised an inquisitive eyebrow. 
“More like she told me topics of conversations to avoid. Specifically, my thoughts on the boredom that must have been felt by these people trapped in these perpetual death poses after the eruption.” He mentally scalded himself as the words tumbled out his mouth. “Yet here I am, talking about it anyway.” 
You glared at him, noting your dog nearby out of the corner of your eye, but focusing on Spencer. He drummed his fingers awkwardly on the book cover. 
“Wow,” you inhaled sharply. “That’s gotta be one of the most depressing things I’ve ever heard.” 
“Probably why I was advised not to talk about it.” He sighed. 
“You’re a pretty dark dude.” 
“In my line of work it’s hard not to be.” He shrugged, he’d already gone against one thing Santiago told him not to do, he may as well go for broke. “I’m an FBI Agent. A profiler. I use psychology to track down serial killers.” 
Your expression didn’t change much, something which surprised him. You quickly glanced over at Beau again who was now making friends with a much smaller dog, before looking back at him. 
“That’s the same thing day in and day out?” You frowned.
“Not physically but mentally I guess. I, uh, I’m pretty smart…no that’s not true, I’m a certified genius. And that means I can grow bored easily. I guess I need a higher level of stimulation than most people.” He shrugged, noticing the way your eyes started to sparkle. 
“A higher level of stimulation, huh?” The smirk adorned on your lips and the way you spoke the word stimulation made his ears turn suddenly red. 
“Fuck,” he mumbled, his mouth dry and he had to look away from you. “Mental stimulation. Jesus Christ.” 
You smiled to yourself at his obvious embarrassment, enjoying the way you’d made him blush. You decided to change the subject, as much as you enjoyed it, you didn’t want to make him too uncomfortable. 
“So, a certified genius?” 
His eyes snapped back to you and he swallowed with a nod of his head. 
“Yeah.” 
“Well I can’t be very stimulating for you then? Mentally speaking of course.” You couldn’t help yourself. 
As predicted his blush spread to his cheeks and neck and he fidgeted with his bag on his lap. What you didn’t know was that he was trying to conceal the fact your words were causing a bulge in his pants he desperately wanted to hide. 
“Are you trying to fluster me?”
“Is it working?” Your eyes sparkled again. 
“Very much so.” He confessed. “For the record I find you utterly stimulating. Mentally speaking of course.” 
“Good to know.” You nodded, looking back across the park and spotting Beau staring at you. “Beau, heel!” 
The large and playful dog immediately started in your direction, bounding delightedly towards his owner. When he reached you, he slumped down on the grass by your feet and you popped a treat in his waiting mouth. 
“So usually after our walk I take Beau to a little cafe where they sell doggy cupcakes and I grab a coffee, unwind.” You pushed yourself to your feet and clipped Beau’s leash in place once again. 
“Oh, ok.” Spencer nodded, tucking his book inside his bag. “Have a nice time.” 
You narrowed your eyes on him, trying to ascertain if he was really this clueless or if it was just an act. You were quick to realise it was the former. 
“It was an invitation, dummy.” You chuckled. “Do you want to come with me? I love my dog but he’s not exactly…stimulating.” 
Spencer had to take a moment to compose himself before he stood as his legs trembled a little. He inhaled sharply and pushed himself up. 
“You want me to join you?” As asked by way of clarification. 
“Correct.” 
“Even after I talked about Pompeii and death poses?” 
“Even after that.” You nodded with a smile. 
“You don’t have to invite me. I was only strictly required to have one conversation so I think you’re off the hook now.” He slung his satchel over his shoulder before stuffing his hands in his pockets. 
“Are you really so naive that you don’t understand when a girl is asking you out?” 
“You are?” His eyes widened dramatically. 
“Yes!” You laughed. “Surely you’ve been asked out before?” 
“No, never. I mean, I didn’t know you were asking me out so maybe I have and I didn’t realise it.” 
“You are utterly precious, Spencer.” You shook your head. “Come on, let’s go. Unless you want to go back to your rut?”
“No, no. I am happy to be rut-less.” He nodded and the two of you, plus Beau, fell in step with one another. 
He let you lead him through the park, stealing glances at you as he did so. He’d never felt more outside of his comfort zone before and it was exhilarating. 
So many of his days had fallen away with nothing to show for them. Days upon days of the same, tedious tasks again and again. Nothing had changed for so long, every had felt the same, every time he closed his eyes. 
But finally things had changed. Letting you into his life would bring with it a shake up of his previously monotonous routine. 
He didn’t know it at the time, but his future would hold walks in the park whilst learning to enjoy the company of a dog. Random two am phone calls when you couldn’t sleep. Waking up next to your sleeping form, deep, meaningful debates in the middle of the night which would end up with lips silencing the other and body parts entwining. 
He had to look forward to your surprise visits to his office with baked goods and coffee. Sending flower arrangements to your work just to say he was thinking of you. Unplanned weekend trips to New York or Baltimore or wherever the two of you ended up. Spur of the moment date nights and spontaneous adventures, just you, him and Beau. 
But all of that was yet to come, the great unknown unfurling before him. All because he had one conversation with one person, and finally Spencer’s predictable life didn’t seem so predictable anymore.
Much like the citizens of Pompeii, who had to grow and adapt to their new city in the wake of the eruption that had destroyed so much, now it was his turn to embrace the new and uncharted. 
And quite honestly, he’d never been more excited. 
You glanced at him as you walked, a soft smile on your features and you boldly reached out and took hold of his hand in your free one. 
Spencer felt his chest explode at your touch and he already knew he never wanted to let you go. 
“So, tell me,” you asked as you strolled hand in hand. “Are you still bored, Spencer?” 
He couldn’t help the chuckle that left his lips and he gave your hand a soft squeeze. 
“I can honestly say, I’ve never been less bored in my entire life.” He sighed in content, slightly disbelieving how much his world could change just from a simple conversation. 
Today was one kind of Groundhog Day he would happily repeat over and over for the rest of his life.
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olderthannetfic · 2 years
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in response to "not allowed to name your abuse in polite company" anon
wow okay yeah well here we go. I'm a psychology major, and have been studying psychology for years, and it drives me mental how easily people eat up this Bad Person Disease wank.
I was raised in an abusive environment myself and it took me over two decades to escape. In that in an effort to show support multiple friends went ham on the armchair diagnosing of my abusers, what with their NPD labels and their BPD speculations... mostly it was cluster B labels.
Fast forward to when I'm finally in therapy and dealing with my trauma and guess what. My therapist notices that I'm really struggling with xyz issues and diagnoses me with the Dreaded Bad Person Disease! Womp womp. As it turns out, diagnoses exist to Help the Person the Diagnosis Belongs To, NOT as a handy tool for people to label people they don't like. Whodafuckin thunk.
There is a damn good reason why it is inadvisable to go around slapping labels onto other people when you're not their therapist. Mostly it's because no matter how close you are to that person, even if you live with them, you are not them! You do not live in their head! So unless you are a trained professional that that person came to, voluntarily, seeking help, you can't actually know if that person has xyz mental health issue! You can't just slap the NPD or BPD or whatever label you want on all the bad people you meet and then decide that Everyone With This Label Must Be an Asshole Because I Have Decided That Every Asshole I Meet Belongs to This Label that's not! how any! of this! works! It's ableist because it makes it very hard for people who do have this disorder, whose lives are negatively affected by this disorder, to seek help. Backtracking to me sitting with my therapist first processing that Oh Fuck Does This Mean I'm a Monster? That fucking sucked. I hated myself, I felt that it was hopeless, I was terrified that if people found out they'd shun me, or try to harm me.
What also sucks? I'm not a bad person! Shitty things happened to me in the past that altered my brain chemistry and now makes it extremely difficult to process the world in a healthy way. How is that my fault? I have no control over that, all I can do is control my actions and learn to reframe my thoughts. Yes, it's to protect others from potentially harmful behaviour on my part, but also it's to protect me from myself, from this overwhelming feeling of despair and shame and frustration and anger, at the world, at others, at myself for being angry in the first place- because my god, that anger, it is exhausting, especially when you know that what you feel, how you see the world, is "wrong" and "bad". After a while it's hard not to conflate "wrong" thoughts with just... being wrong. And on top of all that internal struggle I still need to worry about whether or not I'll receive proper support, both from my friends and also from medical professionals...That is what this "narcissistic abuse" fuckery does and that is why it is disgusting for victims- fellow victims! to go about perpetuating this term. Everyone's a mental health advocate until it comes to us with the "ugly" mental health issues. Then it's dead silence. I get it. OK? I was also an abuse victim. I've had some truly horrible and disgusting things done to me that will probably keep me in therapy for the rest of my life. It's so comforting, isn't it, to be able to draw that line in the sand and say I am Here and you are There, the reason why you hurt me is because you are a monster, there is no way I could ever be you. We are nothing alike.
But guess what? That's not true. There's no line! Tell me now, truly. What is the difference between "narcissistic abuse" and "just regular abuse"? It's not the self-centeredness. Abusers are self-centered, that's what makes them abusers. It's not the lack of compassion. Again, lack of compassion is what makes abusers what they are. What, then? The lying, the gaslighting, the threats? All of it is abuse. There is nothing- no significant, distinguishable factor that warrants the specification of "narcissistic abuse".
To be frank, I am tired- so very tired. of people making excuses for abusers. because that is all that they are- excuses. Abusers are not monsters, nor demons, not the boogeymen that hunt in the night. They are human, same as the rest of us, and they choose to harm when they could have sought help, redirected their pain and anger, done anything else. So hold abusers accountable for their actions, their choices, and leave us struggling with trauma and mental illness out of it. For fuck's sake.
You do not need a special fancy label to highlight how awful your trauma was. You certainly do not need to scapegoat a whole group of mentally ill people in order to achieve the support and healing that you deserve. The only thing that separates Those Who Abuse and Those Who Do Not Abuse is a Choice. Kindness and Cruelty, neither one is inherent. It. is. a. choice. God. I'm tired.
--
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Text
Guinevere is an up and coming fisher-cat. All of them were important to the trade of Harmonia, as since their seas were particularly blessed by Caspian, they'd never run out. Fish was their specialty, and by the Muses was Guinevere going to live up to everyone's expectations.
Her father was a proud captain in Queen Alina's armada (though he had more time now, considering the Taiga Wars between Desiderio and Monaxiá were over) and her mother was one of the most famous fisher-cats there was, always bringing in large hauls.
So yeah, no pressure or anything.
"Ah!" Guinevere hisses, quickly drawing her paw from the water and shaking it. "Sea's a prickly bastard today. Zenith must've hit ya, eh?"
She sighs and leans against her boat with a loud grumble. The sea further out had been ravaged by a storm the past few days, where all the good fish was. It was far too annoying.
Her keen ears pick up the sound of someone sputtering and coughing. She quickly stands, heart racing.
Oh no, don't tell her someone went out in the storm and got washed up!
She quickly rounds to the other side of her moderately sized boat-
And stops, body going slack.
"What.. are you?" She whispers, ears pinning back.
What lays on the sand, coughing and sputtering, is not a cat. It has a snout and fur like hers, their fur chocolate. But their tail was hairless, long and thin. Small round ears were atop their head, with smaller whiskers. Their snout was more pronounced than a cats, throwing Guinevere off. All that looks vaguely familiar was the fact that.. whatever this being was, they wore something fairly similar to a painter's outfit.
They sputter again, and Guinevere panics. "Ah, Muse-damn it! You're choking!"
She rushes over and kneels down, sand clinging to her wet pants. Now so close, she saw just how small this stranger was compared to her. Almost adorable, if not for the fact they were hacking up water.
She focuses intently and starts to sing softly, feeling the magic flow through her. "Water of ocean, blessed ye be.. follow my voice, please come to me."
Water soon streams from the being's mouth, Guinevere soon had it tossed back to the ocean. Quickly, the stranger sat up, and their head hits her chin.
"Ow!"
"Gah!"
The two cry in pain and quickly separate, with Guinevere rubbing her chin and the stranger rubbing their head.
They're the one to speak first, though they have an accent so thick to Guinevere that she can hardly make out what they say other than a 'sorry! So sorry!' from what sounds like a male voice.
"It's okay!" She opens an eye to look at them. "Uh, are.. you ok?"
The stranger looks are her quizzically and looks her over, and she isn't surprised. She's never seen one of them, and they've probably never seen one of her.
He nods. "What.. you?"
She pauses to think before pointing. "Uh.. Guinevere! I'm.. a Cat."
The stranger looks down, his eyebrows furrowing as he if he was figuring it out. Then he looks back up, speaking tentatively. "Guinevere? Cate?"
"Kha-t." She speaks slowly, making sure to sound it out.
"Cat." He nods, then points to himself. "Monet. Mouse."
Guinevere thinks her brain stops as she tries to figure out what Monet just said. "M.. Mise? Mouise?" Her own accent was not helping.
"Mous." Monet says slowly, and she nods.
"Mouse." She repeats.
"Yes!" Monet nods eagerly and then frowns. "Where.. I?"
"Harmonia." Guinevere answers. She stands up and offers a paw, which Monet takes, and she's taken aback by how he reaches up just to her waist. "Ethil kingdom."
Monet seems to understand and looks around. She then hesitates before speaking.
"Come.. to my home?" She asks carefully. "Help you?"
The Mouse pauses to think before he nods.
○●○
"Thank the Muses for pa being close to that mage in Cilcia." Guinevere sighs in relief, as she clips a bracelet around her wrist, as Monet did the same.
"The Muses?" He raises a brow.
"Mhm, they're the ones we worship! We follow Caspian, Muse of water and creativity." She smiles. "It was probably thanks to him you didn't die in the ocean out there."
He seems skeptical. "Eh.. I doubt that. It was probably our ocean Artistan, Arno."
Guinevere pointedly ignores that. "Right.. well, how did you even end up here?"
"Gah.." Monet groans. "I was part of a crew that was going out to the ocean to get some new painting supplies. The clay is quite good where I'm from." He frowns. "A freak storm hit the boat out of nowhere, and the captain jumped ship."
Guinevere fur bristles. "Cowardly bastard!" She hisses. "He'd be tried and jailed for that here, the Admiral as judge!"
Monet looks surprised. "You seem to take this type of stuff seriously."
"Of course!" The she-cat nods, striding over to the brick stove. She kneels down and grabs some nearby logs stored by the wall, setting them in. She grabs a flint and strikes it several times before it lights. "The sea is Ethil's way of life! I mean, for Muses sake, it's the backbone of our industry."
He thinks, then speaks. "Do you all have magic?"
"We do." She nods as a fire ignites under the brick stove. She then stands. "Do you?"
"We express it in art."
"We express it in music."
The duo looks at each other before Guinevere rubs the back of her neck. "Can I.. get ya anything to eat?"
"Do you have an fruits?" His ears lower a bit. "Just something to tide me over."
She winces a bit and scratches her cheek. "Uhmm.. I don't, unfornately. Cats don't.. we, uh, don't really eat fruits on their own. I might have some apples..? I think?"
"That'll do." Monet nods, though he does look perplexed.
Guinevere sets a kettle of water on the before moving to search around her small, quaint cabin before she manages to get some fruit. She sets it down on a plate in front of him and smiles sheepishly. "Sorry.. it's just.. us Cats, we eat purely meat. Fruits and vegetables are usually added just for flavor."
Menot nods in understanding, and she moves to the stove, where the kettle begins to whistle. She carefully lifts it off the hot stone and pours the water into stone cups, and then she sprinkles tea leaves, which quickly soak in. She sets the kettle down on the stone counter and walks over to the table where Monet sat. The Cat set one cup down in front of him as she sat across from him.
She pointedly doesn't make eye contact. She doesn't like how something primal was telling her leap at him. "So.. how.. does taking ya to see Queen Alina sound? I'm sure she'd be willin' to help you find a way home."
He perks up at that. "Oh! That'd be wonderful!"
She smiles nervously. "Just a fair warning. She can be.. intense, ya know?"
"Ah, it'll be fine." Monet chuckles. "I'm sure I can handle meeting her."
Guinevere sweats a bit. Muses, I hope you can handle meeting my aunt.
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scruffandyarn · 2 years
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Take My Hand, I'll Start My Journey (12)
Fandom: The Mummy and The Mummy Returns  Pairing: Ardeth Bay x f!reader   Warnings: Fighting Anubis's army, reader is injured (nothing graphic), women warriors ftw, feelings, cheesy af ending, Horus gets the last word.
This is it, folks. The last part of this story. I don't know that I'll be adding more on to this story. We'll just have to see if my brain has any inspiration in the future.
Take My Hand Masterlist
Part 12:
As he turned away from his commanders, you could tell he was troubled.  You gently scratched Horus’s head as he approached you, reigns in hand, his horse following dutifully behind him.
“They anticipated me coming alone and did not bring any additional horses.”
“Ok.” You didn’t want to assume you knew what he would say, but you just needed him to say something.
“My people, we have trained as warriors to fight what we will soon face.”
“But some have training better suited for after the battle.”  You nodded in the direction of Faraj, who you’d easily spotted in a sea full of strangers.  The look of apprehension on his face told you he was just as nervous as you were.
Ardeth sighed. “Would it make any difference if I were to tell you I do not want you to fight?”
“If you are unable to succeed, it will become everyone’s fight.”
No, you weren’t ready.  You absolutely did not want to battle whatever was about to come.  But you knew you were right.  And you knew he knew it, too.
“Then you will ride with Faraj.  He and the others who have trained as healers will bring up the rear.”
“And you’ll be leading the attack.”  It wasn’t a question.
Still, he nodded.  “It is my duty as--”
You shook your head.  “I know.”  You flashed him a soft smile.  “This is what I get for loving the leader.”  
It seemed as if your words had caught him off-guard as his response was just to stare at you.  Still smiling, you rose and kissed his cheek.  
“Wherever you lead, I will follow.”  You ducked your head and made your way to Faraj.
You anticipated having to explain the slight change in plans, but he simply held out his hand to help you up.
“He has already warned me not to mention how you called him pretty.”  Faraj shifted forward, giving you space to sit behind him, still cradling Horus to you.
“I appreciate that, Faraj.” You looked back over at Ardeth, who was shaking his head, and grinned.  “I’ll make sure to let him know you didn’t.”
As soon as you were settled, he began leading his horse through the surrounding riders.  “He said you mended Horus.”
The bird in question chirped at the mention of his name.
“I just bandaged him.  The bullet went through his wing, so it wasn’t anything like you had to do for me.”  You paused.  “I never did thank you for what you did for me.  Oh my god, I am so sorry, Faraj.”  You felt sick to your stomach.  A life-saving procedure and you hadn’t even bothered to express any appreciation.  “I know it’s not a good enough reason, but that drink--and I played with his hair--and--”
“I assumed as much.  Do not trouble yourself.”
“It was so embarrassing.”
Faraj flashed a small smile back at you.  “Ardeth’s experiences with my medicines were much worse.”  He continued navigating through the warriors.  “Should we be victorious, I shall tell you about them.”
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It wasn’t long after the two of you found yourselves among the other Medjai healers that it seemed as though the thousands of people around you all held their breath collectively.  Peering around Faraj’s shoulders, you could see a shadow overtaking the desert sands like an ocean wave across a beach.
This wave did not recede, however.  Instead, it began to move the sand, forming lumps that grew skyward until they took shape.  Thousands of creatures, all looking like the jackal-headed form of Anubis, emerged from the sand, baring teeth and weapons.
“Tuck Horus in the sack.” Faraj drew his sword.
It took you a moment to realize what he was talking about, until you spotted a saddlebag hanging just behind your leg.  “Right.”  You placed a squawking Horus into it. “Remember, don’t do anything stupid, ok?  That’s the humans’ job.”
He took only a moment to settle and you drew your own sword--the one Ardeth had you practice with.  It looked different from the one Faraj wielded.  Different from the ones held by all those around you.
“Is that--”
“He can have it back, as long as he survives this.” You explained quickly.  “Right now, it’s time to play ball.”
Faraj wasn’t given enough time to question you, as everyone began to charge forward.  
You held onto the horse as tightly as you could with your legs, holding your sword just like you’d been taught.  Unfortunately, your two-handed hold meant you couldn’t grip onto anything but your weapons with your hands.  After the first creature Faraj beheaded, sand erupted from the body, causing his horse to jerk, which sent you flying from your seat.
You did your best to roll with the fall--this was not something Ardeth had ever had you practice--but as soon as you were back on your feet, covered in sand from head to toe, you came face-to-face with a snarling creature, spear swinging wildly at you.
“Damn it!”
Your first swing was one-handed, and you were immediately irritated with yourself for only breaking the spear.
“Baseball, ______, baseball.”  With both hands, you managed to swing and turn the creature to dust.  “You’re the batter.”  You swung at another, successfully removing its head.  “Hit a home run.”  And another.  “Win the game.”  And another.
You heard a shout that your brain’s limited knowledge of Arabic translated to ‘get down’ and you ducked, spinning in time to see another Medjai warrior destroy the creature that couldn’t have been more than a foot behind you.  You nodded your thanks to the woman before she sprinted forward.
In your brief distraction, a spear sliced through the outside of your thigh.  A step or two to the side, and you knew it could have easily punctured your femoral artery, but as it was, the adrenaline you were flying on kept you from feeling all of the pain you knew was waiting for you the next day.
You brought your sword down on a creature that had just knocked a rider from his horse, staggering.  You weren’t sure how much longer you could keep doing this.  But, looking around, there were no more of Anubis’ army to fight.  The cheering meant you’d somehow managed to survive this.
Only, Ardeth ran through the crowd, stopping a few meters away, staring out across the sands.  You turned to see what he had--thousands, millions more soldiers of Anubis’s army.  All of them crossing the desert at an alarming speed, heading straight for you.
Briefly, you leaned your head back and closed your eyes.  You thought back to a promise you’d made, years before.  “When I promised I’d go down swinging, Faith, I didn’t think I’d be doing it literally.”  You could practically hear her laughing at you.  “I’ll see you soon.”
While those around you shouted out at Ardeth’s declaration, you merely nodded.  You didn’t have the same upbringing as the Medjai, you hadn’t been raised knowing that you were a part of something so much bigger.  All these people would die as warriors, an honorable death.
You?  
You were just resigned to what was coming.
You closed your eyes again and saw Alex, the way his nose would scrunch up in distaste anytime you were in the park with him and you’d come across a couple on a date.  You saw the other nurses you and Faith had bunked with while stationed just outside a war zone, the smiles that wouldn’t quite reach their eyes anymore.  The grandfatherly grocer you’d once lived down the street from, who’d ask if you’d found a husband yet every time he saw you walk into his store, and kept trying to match you with his nephew.
Their faces and so many more flashed through your mind, before you opened your eyes and gripped tighter on your sword.  This would be for them.
And it would also be for the man standing not too far away.  For the gentle acceptance he’d shown you.  For the love you felt inside for him.
Bracing yourself, you held your sword high, eyes closed once more.
A cloud of sand washed over you and everything around you was still.
Daring to open your eyes, you were met with sand as far as the eye could see.  Not the black sand that had changed into Anubis’ army, but the golden sand of the desert, just as it had been when you’d first left the oasis.
“Wow.” You nodded to yourself, your brain being completely unhelpful at processing what you were seeing.
Somehow, Ardeth must have heard your voice over the shouting, because he was suddenly looking right at you.  The next moment, you’d been swept up into his embrace, each of you dropping your weapons to the ground.
“They’ve done it.”  Ardeth set you down on your feet.  With both of his hands holding your face, he pressed a bruising kiss to your lips.  “O’Connell has defeated the Scorpion King.”
Finally, you felt like you could draw in a full breath.  “We’ve won?  It’s over?!”  Except… “What about Imhotep?”
“They will send the creature back to the Underworld just as they did before, I am sure.”
You wrapped your arms around him, tucking your head under his chin.  You smiled into his chest as he kissed the top of your head.
“I do believe I am angry with you, though.”
Even though his voice held a tinge of humor, you still pulled back, alarmed.
“It is not fair for you to tell me you love me only to go off into battle.”  He squeezed you.  “Especially when you do not give me the chance to tell you I feel the same for you.”
Before he could kiss you again, the two of you were approached by Faraj, on foot, leading Ardeth’s horse to him.
“Faraj--”
He merely smiled and turned the horse, showing his own saddlebag had been tied to Ardeth’s saddle.  There was Horus, nestled into the bag.  As soon as he saw you and Ardeth, however, he immediately began squawking, trying his best to spread his wings.
“You’re going to hurt yourself!” You scolded, taking a step towards him.  That proved to be a poor choice, as your wound reminded you of its existence and your leg buckled.  Looking up at Ardeth from the ground, you did your best to glare.  “Don’t say anything.”
Instead, he started laughing, his own adrenaline leaving him quickly.  You could see the relief in his eyes as he helped you back up, guiding you to lean against him.
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A loud explosion caught everyone’s attention.  You and Ardeth turned together to see a giant plume of black smoke rising from the direction of the oasis.  You looked over at Ardeth, hoping he could explain what was happening, but it seemed as if he was just as confused as you were.
The face in the smoke groaned, then the entire blackness was sucked back down.  The sand around you began to swirl as the winds started to pick up.  “I must go help.”  Ardeth nodded towards Faraj.
“Not without me, you’re not.” You grabbed onto his saddle when he tried to climb up.
“______--”
“They’re my family, Ardeth.  If they need help, I’m going, too.”
You couldn’t decipher the look on his face as he sighed and helped you up behind him, making sure to stay mindful of Horus and your injury.
Faraj handed you and Ardeth the swords you’d dropped, and after a terse exchange between the two men, you and Ardeth took off.  Behind you, you could see the rest of the Medjai warriors collect their weapons, along whatever horses were left, and start off in the opposite direction.
Another explosion and you tightened your grip around Ardeth, pressing the side of your face against his back.  You could feel him tense beneath your fingers, but at the rate you were traveling, you were afraid to loosen your hold, lest you fall off.
One tumble off a horse was enough for the day.
It wasn’t long after you’d taken off that the oasis seemed to implode.  From where you were, sand and dust shot up into the sky from its center.  It was as if the earth had taken the entire thing back into itself.
“There!”  You pointed up, seeing the dirigible escape the falling debris.  “They made it!”
Ardeth sighed.  “We can wave them down in a moment.”
“Considering the last time that thing ‘landed’ I’m not sure it’d be worth it for them to stop.  They might never get it back up again.”
“How will you--” he turned as best he could to see your face.  “______?”
“I…” You dropped your gaze for a moment before looking back up at him. “I’ve been running from a lot, for a long time.” You bit your lip. “I was hoping that maybe you and I could nest together?”  You had planned on saying more, but he cut you off, kissing you as best he could twisted around in a saddle.
“I will help you find your peace.” He pressed his forehead to your own as one of his hands found one of yours, lacing his fingers over the top of yours.
Horus’s chirp of agreement had you both grinning.
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And yes, orphans and falcons everywhere!
Also, come talk to me about this fic—did you love it, hate it, feel kinda meh about it? Your favorite part? I want to know!!! Tell me all the things!!!
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arisatohamuko · 4 months
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ok i'm gonna be a bit of a negative bitch here so don't mind me. hi
i've said it before and i'll say it again but i fucking hate having narcolepsy dude. i don't have the energy or brain power to interact with my friends or even keep up with my hobbies right now, let alone the ability to prepare for my next semester of college that's coming up next month. my head feels so heavy, my eyes are so tired, every single thought that i have feels like i'm trying to strain sand through cheesecloth. nothing is coming through, my entire body has that vague sort of ache that you get when you haven't been sleeping well, i can barely even manage to string three sentences together at this point. idek if this post is coherent, i could be typing complete gibberish for all i know right now...i truly would not wish this kind of lifestyle on my own worst enemy.
nobody deserves to suffer like this. nobody deserves to struggle through this. it makes me so angry that i lost so much of my life to this sickness even before i got diagnosed, and it frustrates me that nobody seems to take what i'm going through seriously. doctors never know wtf i'm talking about or how to help me, the government wont provide any aid for me, my own family constantly makes jabs about how tired i seem to be, and even though i KNOW that i am capable of doing amazing things when my treatment is going well, it's just...not as much as i WANT to do.
i'm always going to be at a disadvantage compared to other people, i'm never going to be able to reach my full potential, and no one truly understands how exhausted i am except for the people who have conditions similar to mine. i'm not just talking "i went to bed late" or "i have a hangover from last night" or even "i pulled an all nighter" levels of tired here, this is a kind of tiredness that sleep does not fix.
there is no escape for me. there is no cure. there's only bandaid treatments for the symptoms, and so many people see my struggle as nothing more than a punchline to a joke. i'm so tired dude...i just want to feel like a sentient human being for once. i want to be capable like everyone else seems to be. it feels like my life is just wasting away because all i can do is sleep, and all of that sleep still isn't even enough to keep me well rested.
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jakeperalta · 11 months
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Not to excuse taylor and her choices, but have any of you ever interacted with someone after a significant break up (and probably in a self destructive mode)? I doubt she was looking for the love if her life and he was probably there i dont think she spent any second of her day to google him. And also he is a friend of jacks right?so she probably trusted his judgement. Like dont get me wrong, i understand your discomfort and i think its valid, i just think shes going through a probably really tough break up and she found sth uncomplicated and fun (? ) (and shes being petty by being public with him, i think we all know this was pribably a dig at joe) And i dont think he presents himself like hi im matty im an awful human being nice to meet you, ya know. So yeah idk, im rambling. Weve all made questionable choices in our lives in certain circumstances, no matter our age. As somwone who went through a break up after 8 and a half years, i can say our brains do weird thing sometimes, and even if we deeo down know sth is wrong, we do mental gymnastics to not see it or convince ourselves it isnt that bad. Idk just putting my 2 cents here
I mean there's a thousand other guys she could've had her messy public rebound with that I would've just been like "ok live your life girl" about. and the stuff people are criticizing matty for isn't like some tweet from 2007 that nobody cares about, it's literally from the past few months since they've been friends and then dating. and she doesn't live with her head in the sand, there's no way she's been completely oblivious whilst it's been all over the internet and whole think pieces being written by major news outlets. (besides, even if she somehow managed to avoid any discourse surrounding it, the fact that he's literally said that this is just how he behaves around his friends doesn't exactly fill me with confidence that he's a perfect angel around taylor and she could never imagine him being offensive).
i'm sorry she's going through a shit time with her breakup and if she was just like being a bit cringe with the pda with a new guy or getting engaged 2 months in or something then i'd easily chalk it up to her Going Through It, but i don't think a breakup serves as an excuse to publicly align yourself with someone like him
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honeybeewhereartthee · 6 months
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PINK KKOMAS 139
Spoiler for my stories
-Sometimes ago-
When hallow and NN is handicap together. He enjoy the scene around him as butterflies start to land on him while he seems to chat with them.
"You." NN sigh as he have no choice but deal with this undead. "What will you do if someone you care about suddenly left one day..." He thought about it. He never ask or will never think to ask his alternative version in their perceptive in something or in that certain event.
"Huh...?" Hallow was surprised that NN wanted to ask him about something. "Lucii want to ask what I'll do?" He felt excited that he was ask as it mean they are close friends now!
"Stop calling me lucii." -NN clicked his tongue in annoyance.
"Ok, lucii." -Hallow smiles.
"..." -NN. The angel just rolled his eyes.
The undead thought about the question, looking at the butterfly that slowly fly away from him.
"People can stay or leave. They come and go. So if they are not someone that will stay. I will smile and say goodbye. Even if our fate will never come across again." Hallow starts. "I'm still glad we have meet in one of the sequence of fate." He added.
"How can you say that? What if that's person will never be seen again...?" The angel remember that time. He felt sick if he failed to do anything about it. He glare at him.
"Ah? But isn't it natural to move on? We shouldn't stay locked in the past--" before he can say more the handcuffs broke and there's a gun pointed at his temple. "It seems someone like you never lost anyone to say bullshit." NN began and Hallow suddenly felt something intimidating and suffocating feeling like something is choking him.
*Bang
*Bang
Hallow close his eyes in sudden unbearable fear, as he heard gun shot yet he can't feel anything harm on him but when he open his eyes he saw something ghostly fading away as light bullet shoot through them. It seems he really went and try to shoot him.
"Your guardian spirit from that weak mayoi Ayase who let himself be one with chaos willing at that is nothing to me." NN commented as he reload his gun. "I am the source of that chaos." His purple eyes turn black as the red x glow. Hallow cover his face in fear as the bullet shoot again.
The undead felt something went pass his face, he felt burning feeling. Before another bullet was shoot he felt it was so close to making a hole on him again but someone push NN away.
"You lunatic." He heard another koha spoke before he can sense the angerious sand of Blood on top of NN stopping him from using any skill.
"Fuck off!!" NN exclaims before throwing a punch after blood smacked the gun away. But his hold down by Blood. "Stupid bird brain. You think you scare me? Young people those days are being heisty." Blood chuckle as he wipe a wound after NN manage to free one hand land a punch straight to Blood face.
"Shut up!!" -NN
Blood made sure NN will not gaze upon Hallow as he gain all the attention of the angel all to him before he use of his shadow hand to pick hallow and throw him into a direction away from them as he did that red target from NN ability all point at his forehead but the mad hatter chuckle as an apple appear in his hand.
"I can play this game with you... But can you last long enough?" As he said that he activate his skill changing the setting to his domain, making him the one with upper hand.
...
Hallow doesn't understand what happened. But it seems he did something stupid. He answer something bad, something that is not accepted by NN. He thought of possible answer but he can never change his reply.
He thought of that as he was sent flying to an oblivious reaper and purple who's trying to pull out sea from a jar after he takes all the fish cakes because those are friends and not food.
"Come on, it's just food flavoring--" as purple says that he saw something from far distance. "Whatz that-- oh devil--' he curse and tried to flee but it was too late him and reaper gotten knock off by Hallow and they were about to fall off to the items when sea who transform to his kraken form catch them.
"Uwah...." Reaper groan as he rub his back. "What was that...." He looks around and saw purple dizzy on the sideline and someone with Blue hair. Crying.
"...d-did I do something bad?" He heard the mixture of Himeru and hallows voice weeping. The blindfold slowly drench with tears. Hallow with Blue hair like Himeru cries as he felt confuse, fear and all things that made him sick inside.
Reaper and purple tried to comfort him, wondering what's up with his hair but the undead continue to cry until he fallen asleep through his hair did return back to being pink again when his unconscious.
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dr-scribbler · 1 year
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Nigazh (Chapter - 9)
Umaiyal POV
'What you are doing! Why you are now rummaging through your bag?' Vandiayadevan asked me trying to get answers. God can he just shut up for a minute, if not for his charming nature I would have punched him so bad and I would have felt sorry afterward anyway.
'Oh, My God! Can you just shhh? I am going to change into these, then we can continue our journey' I said and showed him the men's clothes which I have with me in case of need and now it is in need. As I know, We will be seeing the future love of Dev, I don't want them to know my real nature. And also she is the most intelligent sibling of the lot and I want to stay clear and not cause any distractions as much as possible. 
'Got them!' I said waving the clothes. 
'Ok you wait here and I will go and change into these' I said and went behind a big bush that is great for hiding my body from other passersby. Oh now, I can understand how nomads would feel. As I changed into the comfy clothes that men wear in this era but of course with modesty to cover my upper body with a shirt that hides my chest. But who am I kidding I am not that developed in that area so thankfully that won't be a problem. I then rubbed some wet sand into my skin to appear darker and prayed that it won't spoil my skin!
'Woah! What have you done to your face' Dev asked as I went outside. I just rolled my eyes and showed him the wet sand.
'You know you are way smarter for your age' He said and ruffled my hair and I hit his arm. I tied my hair and covered it with a towel tying them in place.
'Just cause you don't have any that doesn't make me smarter. But I take the compliment I laughed at his offended reaction. He continued to pout cause I insulted his intelligence and I laughed so hard unable to control it.
But my laugh died out once I saw the chariot which is currently standing before the place which we intended to visit. Oh yes, the Queen is here!! Well, I love Kundavai, even more than Arunmozhi if you ask. I admire her for her intelligence, her attitude, and how she represents herself. To me, she is the kingmaker as she is the advisor of Arunmozhi himself, and how he always listens to her say a lot.
I buffed my chest and tried to make look big and believable as a boy.
'If you are trying to look like a man then you are absolutely failing' Dev whispered into my ear and I pushed him into the door. He stumbled and held to the door for support but that didn't help as the door opened and he fell right into the room where three figures are currently in there. My eyes bulged and I know Dev's are too.
There stood the beauty and the brain of the Chola dynasty, Which is behind of all major great thinking. Who is a kingmaker herself, Who can able to tell about one's nature by just being with them. Who makes sure to keep her country's people happy. Who built hospitals for her people. I am just awestruck by her as she looked at Dev curious with a small smile. And I couldn't help but smile as a bidding romance starts in front of me. But the smile in her smile vanished as her eyes turned to meet mine. Something about her face tells me that she is studying me and I tried to smile to ease my nervousness. I finally noticed Vanathi who is standing behind Kundhavai, sorry Vaanu I am blinded by Kundhavai Pirattiyar's beauty, I thought to myself.
'What happened thambi? Are you alright?' Kundanthai Josiyars voice asked from inside Dev who just look like he is flying in love. I nudged him and he comes to the real world.
As both the princess left but not before taking a couple of glances at me we went inside to get whatever info Dev is hoping to get. But before we even sit Josiyars words made me look like a deer caught in headlights.
'Seems Madhurai Meenakshi finally graced her presence in the Chola Kingdom' The exact words made both of me and Dev looks back at each other. Boy, this is not going to be easy.
Somewhere in Kodi Karai
Two figures walking in the middle of the woods filled with tall trees, trying to reach the location as said. As they reached they saw a couple of people already there.
'Seems you finally grace your presence to us' the people who are waiting said and bowed their heads in respect.
'No formalities needed Ravidasa, as I told you before I am one of you guys' The guy who meet his Mohini yesterday said with a smile.
'You are Paranthaka Sundara Pandiyan's son, Our King Veera Pandiyan's Nephew, Who left the palace to get revenge on Cholas who caused the death of your Uncle. You are not just one of us! You are our Prince, but if that is your wish then we will do so' Ravidasan said and bowed respectfully.
Aadheeran looked at his friend and smiled. 'Seems Kotravai showed us the prophecy yesterday' His words made others silent. They know that the interest in the girl that came out of nowhere is something beyond the prophecy for the prince who is smiling to himself.
'Aadheera, yes it is finally come true. But She is already on the other side as of the news coming from' His friend Amuthan said with a sad voice.
'It doesn't matter which side she is on, what matter is which side she will be choosing and will be at the end. I will make sure to have her as she is mine to be with'  Others know that Aadheeran is not someone who jokes something like this.
'Aadheera she is the prophecy, but your obsession with her seems more than just that' Ravidasan said in a quiet voice.
'She is not just a prophecy to me, She is mine! and I will have her one way or another. Out of all these years, why has she appeared now? It is meant to be! I will have her and she will have my child. So that no one in the upcoming years would even think about plotting against Pandyan Dynasty!' His voice roared through the woods not caring who heard it.
After he saw her yesterday he couldn't just let go of her. No way he would allow those Chola tigers to have her and take her away. He will kill everyone if that is what takes him to get her. 
To Be continued...
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The Reaper and The Death Angel Part 29
Is everyone liking these long chapters? I don't want this series to be a million parts so I'm trying to cram more in.
Series Masterlist
Part 28
Contains: Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, more canon divergence (you could take a shot each time but I'd worry about your liver.) I promised a story with feminist undertones and going to stay that way, on this blog, we support sex workers. Loosely followed the plot of 2x05-2x08.
6.4K words (if there are any mistakes this is why, all words look the same.
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The prison blues
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"How bad is it?"
You shrugged, "too soon to know. The paramedics aren't worried about his spine so that's not a problem but head injuries are hard. Best case he's fine and just has a concussion, worst case he's got permanent brain damage."
Jax threw the cigarette butt on the ground, "this is the last straw, there'll be no holding Clay back now."
Opie rubbed his face, "I'm going to talk to Piney, he's going to go off the rails after this."
Jax shook his head, "we need to try and get on top of this."
You put a hand on his shoulder, "it was a car bomb Jax, there's no getting on top of that. Focus on making sure Clay doesn't go off the rails and get someone killed."
You nodded, "I'm going to head to St Thomas, I'll update you when I know more."
You pressed a kiss to Jax's lips and gave Opie a quick hug, "we're going to be ok. This is just a speed bump, you guys have been through a lot worse and come out the other side."
Gemma was sitting on the picnic benches, her head in her hands. "You doing ok?"
She shook her head, "no, why does this keep happening to us?"
You sat down next to her, "I have no idea, all I know is that Clay needs to pull back with Zobelle. As much as I disagree with you saying nothing about that night, I think your silence has slowed down whatever retribution Clay has planned."
She stood up and pulled you into a hug, "thank you."
You nodded, "I'm heading to the hospital, I'll keep everyone updated."
On your way to the hospital, you got a phone call from work, "we need you at the docks. Workers found ten barrels when they went to repair and hole in a cargo ship, there's got a body in each."
You sighed, "of course professor Holt, my friend's been badly injured and I need to stop the hospital so I'll be there in thirty."
You raced off to the hospital, getting there soon after Chibs. A nurse came to speak to you, "were you the first responder?"
You nodded, "yeah, something happened with the car he was working on and it blew. He was thrown clear and landed on his head. I need to update his family, what are we looking at.
"Nothing horrible as of yet, he has a subdural haematoma but they don't think he'll need surgery."
You looked towards the room Chibs was being treated in, "thank you. I need to leave for work but I'll update the family."
You got in the car and started driving towards to docks, calling Gemma on the way, "Hey, Chibs isn't out of the woods yet but it's looking good. He has a blood clot in his brain, a subdural haematoma but that's a watch and wait situation. If it gets worse, they'll need to go in a release the pressure but it's a very common procedure and they'd do multiple a week."
There was silence, "brain surgery?
She sounded very worried, "hopefully not, there's not point in worrying right now. We'll know soon, I'd do my best to check on him but this case is going to have me busy for the next month."
You arrived at the dock and got out of your car, greeting the port official as you walked to the barrels. "What do we have?" Jack was putting sand samples into a tube, Holt was talking to a cop and came over to tell you what was going on.
"A few hours ago, a team went to repair a hole a cargo ship and swam right through the barrels, out of curiosity, they opened one and found a body."
You rubbed your face, "how long before the body wagon comes?"
He looked at the port entrance, "once we get the scene processed."
So hours, "well shit, we better settle in. Thanks to Brenan Hefner there's no structure here, we'll be wading through bureaucratic bullshit till dawn."
****
You got to the lab just as the sun came up, "put the barrels on the platform, we'll start with the open one and go from there." It was hours before you got to sit down, just as you started your meal, Jax called.
"Oh hello my love, you have no idea how good it is to hear you voice."
He huffed, "well Darlin, I'm glad I could help. Mum said that Chibs is probably going to be ok."
You took a deep breath, "any news on what's going on?"
Jax inhaled audibly, "we're running down addresses now, Darby's run off and we've got a location on Zobelle, still waiting on info on Weston." You could tell he was worried.
"Will you be home tonight?"
You almost laughed, "no fucking way, the bodies are all over the place, different races, sexes and ages. From what we know so far, it could be a serial killer but it could also be a mob thing. I won't be home until I can identify at least one of them."
He let out a groan, "I'm sorry Darlin, if I have time I'll stop over to see you." you smiled, "thanks Jax."
"Y/N WE'VE GOT SOMETHING."
You dropped your hand onto the desk, "I've got to go my love, talk later."
****
Jax called Sam, after losing Ope on the highway, he wanted more backup than Hale to go to Weston's house. "I've got Weston's address, you want in?"
He could hear Sam's bike start up, "text it to me, I'm on my way."
Sam got there soon after Jax, "do you know if there's anyone there?"
Hale shrugged, "we're about to find out."
As they lined up at the door, they saw the curtain move, "window." Jax acknowledged Hale and went to the window while Sam went around the back.
Sam entered the home at the same time as Jax, just missing the other members as they approached, then there were gunshots.
They were crouched at opposite ends of the hallway, Sam waving his hand towards the mirror on the wall. When Jax looked, he saw a small boy holding a gun.
At that moment, Jax was beyond grateful you had shown him basic ASL. He looked at Sam moving his hand up and down like he was patting a dog.
"Child"
Sam shook his head, "I'm not gonna hurt you, I just wanted to talk to your dad, I'm a friend of his."
The gun was still in the child's hand, "let me see the ink" Jax was confused, "what?" The gun was still up, "you tats, prove it."
Jax relaxed and pulled up his sleeve, "yeah ok. Just put the guns down" Jax put the gun on the ground "I got all kinds of in….."
BANG, BANG, BANG
Sam hit the deck and Jac dove over the child, "IT'S A KID, IT'S A KID."
Bobby ran in and took in the scene, "hold your fire."
Jax stood up and was met with a gun to his chest, "lair."
Click
Jax threw the kid onto the bed, "where's your dad shithead."
The child looked enraged, "I ain't telling you shit, race traitor."
Sam was standing at the door with his arms crossed, "call CPS, they shouldn't be alone in the house with firearms."
With one last glance at Clay, Sam and Jax left the house. Opie met them on the way out, "since when are you guys working with Hale?"
Sam huffed, "we just trying to fix the shitstorm, I'm about as happy with it as everyone else."
****
Jax had picked up and opened his phone at least six times, he knew he shouldn't call you with how busy you were but he was desperate for your input. He finally caved after Hale ran off to talk to Zobelle's daughter.
"Hello y/n phone, this is Angela."
Jax smiled, "hey doll, is y/n there?"
He heard Angela yell for you, "she's on her way, give her a few seconds to wash the corpse goop off her hands."
There was a rustle and then he heard your voice, "hello beloved, is everything ok?"
He felt like he could breathe again, "everything going well so far, have you heard about Chibs?"
He could tell you were tired, "he's still critical but the bleeding has stopped, if all goes well he'll be fine."
"Thank God. You doing ok?"
You groaned, "very very busy. We only spoke a few hours ago so you can't be calling because you miss me, what's going on?"
Jax chuckled, "I always miss you when you're not around, but I called for advice. You keep saying Zobelle has a plan, what do you think his end game is."
You really didn't have time for this, "he sent the War Boys away for assault and they run guns. He almost worked with The Mayans before Marcus cut ties. My guess is he wants to push you out so he can take over the drug and gun trade in the area."
Jax nodded to himself, at least you confirmed his suspicion, "is everything ok, you're not planning on doing something stupid are you."
Jax wished he could reassure you, "I'm not, but Clay is."
"Be careful, Jackson, Zobelle has always been ten steps ahead. I don't need you and Sam going to prison because Clay's an idiot and Opie's kids need him." Jax knew you were right.
"I know Darlin. Trust me, it's all going to turn out." It didn't matter, Clay and the guys were loading up into the van, Sam included. There was no way he wasn't going to at least try and keep his word to you so he followed.
****
Clay wasn't listening, "the cops are on their way, if we do this, we all go to jail." Sam and Jax exchanged a look, there was no stopping the train now.
When they broke in, it was clear this wasn't a membership rally, it was a church dinner. Jax felt rage first, then a strange sense of satisfaction, he was right, Sam was right, you were right.
He spotted the camera just as Clay was going to shoot Zobelle, people were running everywhere, screaming in fear.
"Opie, Sam, go after him."
Jax knew the cops were coming, he was going to keep his word to you. "We've got to get the hell out of here. OUT NOW" They ran outside only to be greeted by the cops.
"Drop the guns, now." Jax closed his eyes in resignation, moving slowly to put his gun on the ground. Sometimes he hated how right you could be.
Sam and Opie were following after Zobelle when Opie swerved to dodge a car and went head over foot off his bike and into a parked car. "You good?" Opie nodded and Sam helped him right his bike. They drove back to the other guys just in time to see them loaded into the back of a police van.
****
You could tell something was wrong when Sam walked into your office, "it went bad, didn't it?"
He sat down, "they've all been arrested. Zobelle planned the whole thing."
You wished you were surprised, "does someone need to get Opie's kids?"
Sam shook his head, "no, he was with me going after Zobelle when the cops got there."
You breathed a sigh of relief, "ok, if I leave now, I'll have to come back in the morning. In four hours, labour laws kick in and I get the next forty-eight off. We can talk about a way forward then."
You and Sam stood up and he pulled you into a hug, "you doing ok?"
You wanted to cry, "no, I'm not."
****
"They're jamming us, seven-figure bail, no court date, it's bullshit."
All you wanted to do was go home and sleep, "apparently, they have video tapes, women and children running screaming."
You tried to suppress a yawn, "if we get a bondsman, that's three-hundred thousand dollars? My book was published three days ago, and I got my advance today. That plus, I can get my paycheck for Anvil early and have it redirected from where it normally goes, that will cover the whole thing."
Gemma smiled softly, "I can't ask you do that by yourself, I'll post the house and cover part of it."
You nodded, "ok, at least some on the Anvil money can go where I want it."
Gemma was deep in thought, "what about Oswald?" You shook your head violently, "no fucking way. Rumour has it he and Jacob Hale are running for Major and unless you want this place to become a rat warren hellhole, Oswald has to run. Hale will use Oswald helping the Club to ruin his campaign. We have to cover this ourselves."
Rosin reached into his pocket, "Clay needs you to call Laroy and deliver this message, ASAP. I never saw it, never gave it to you." Rosin left and you followed to start getting the bail paid.
On the road home, you passed Jacob Hale who was about to enter impeccable smoke. On a whim, you parked on the other side of the street so you could watch him. The exchange was short, then Zobelle handed Hale a card. You waited a little while then got out, meeting Hale at a cafe.
"Hello Mr Hale, it's good to see you're dealing with the Neo-nazi problem. Tell me Jacob, if the people of Charming knew you were associating with a man who spends his free time throwing up the fascist salute, do you think they'd vote for you?"
He went pale, his face becoming sinister. "I didn't think of you as a blackmailer."
You shook your head, "not a blackmailer Jacob, just a proud American who thinks the only good Nazi is a dead one. My grandfather was fifteen when he joined the corp fight them, when he died he left my brother and I an armband he took from a Nazi he had killed on the battlefield. I can only think about what he'd say about you."
He stuttered, "I..I, you have to realise that before I do anything, I need to make sure what you're saying is true."
He shot you a slimy smile, "once I do, I promise, they'll be gone. Does that reassure you?"
You smiled softly, "yes Mr Hale, it does. I hope you find the answers you're looking for."
Just as you left, you got a call from Gemma, "can you come and pick Kenny and Ellie up and take them to Jax's, Opie's had to do something for the Club." There goes the nap you were planning on taking.
"Yep, be there soon."
****
"You sent Opie in alone?"
Jax was pissed, "we're a little busy."
Jax sucked on his tongue, "then tap another charter." Clay refused to listen and went on with the plan, Jax going to use Juice to lure a snitch out of protective custody.
After a while, it was clear Clay's plan was working and Jax thought that he should stop worrying, but then Juice got shanked.
****
The bail money was procured and ready to be transferred to Rosin so he could give it to the bondsman. Kenny and Ellie were with Gemma at Jax's, and after sleeping for a few hours you were sitting at the dinner table with Gemma, Opie's kids and Abel.
"How's your bug?"
Ellie smiled, "she's doing great, we're trying to convince dad to let us get another one. Will the lab let us keep two?"
You smiled, "hell yeah they will, if you keep a different species, they might even pay you more."
Kenny high-fived his sister, "can we come to the lab and pick one?"
You did your best to not laugh, "only if your dad says you can. Do you guys want to watch some TV?" They raced off to the couch, after setting it up you went back to the dining room and sat with Gemma.
"They should be out by tonight, Rosin hasn't said much other than that. I don't know if I should bring this up now but Hale is working with Zobelle there's no doubt about it."
Gemma inhaled, "what does that mean for Charming?"
You drummed your fingers on the table, "I have a plan, but I don't know if I should go through with it with what I have now." She tilted her head for you to keep going.
"I worked with Recon Marines, we did just as much surveillance as we did fighting. Now say I had photos of Hale being all chummy with Zobelle and his white hate pals and I also had photos of said people being undeniably Nazi. I could send those pictures to a lot of very powerful people." Gemma was nodding along.
"My only issue, if I do that it will ruin David as well and I can't do that."
She seemed deep in thought, "just find a way to prove he isn't involved, one more photo won't be that hard to get."
You smiled, "genius Gem."
You looked over at the loving room to make sure the kids weren't listening, "I have something I want to ask you. I know you know I killed one of the men who attacked you that night, but I've got the location of the third man. Do you want me to deal with him?"
Gemma swallowed, "you don't have to answer yet."
She took a deep breath, "you won't get caught?
You shook your head, "nope, it will look like natural causes. He has a bee allergy and refuses to carry an epi-pen, it will look like a freak accident."
She looked down at the table, "do it."
You nodded, "I'll make the call, he'll be dead by mid-morning tomorrow."
You left the table and dialled Billy on the Anvil encrypted line, "hello, you calling about our pest problem?"
Of course he was ready to go, "yep, the exterminator will be at your office by noon."
It made no sense for a reason, you weren't sending pest control to New York, Billy was sending someone up from Derek's office to do the dead, you just need deniability.
"Great."
You walked back to Gemma, "all done, he'll be dead and Billy will have his fire ant problem dealt with. There's no way it will link back to anyone.mAnd if you're worried, Billy doesn't know what happened to you, all he knows about is that night when they broke in." She stood up, pulling you into a hug.
"Thank you."
Knock Knock
"Hello Lyla, is everything ok?"
She smiled, "yeah, I'm here to pick up Opie's kids, I thought I'd take them out for pizza."
You waved her inside, "we already fed them but I'm sure they'd like some ice cream." Gemma walked by.
"I'll get them ready. Thank you for thinking of them, I'm sure Opie is grateful for your help." Lyla stayed for a little while, you were relieved that Gemma didn't act like a judgmental prude.
"Text when you guys are home safe, the guys should be out late tonight." She left with a hug and smile, Kenny and Ellie happy to go for a treat.
"I don't mean to sound horrible but I thought you'd be a bitch to her."
Gemma smiled, "I've seen her with Ope, it's the happiest I've seen him since Donna."
You wrapped your arm around her shoulder, "we're going to be ok Gem, I promise."
****
Jax could hear your words in his head, all the times you told him to be smart, use his head and not his fist, every time you warned him about Clay. After talking to Bobby, he realised he needed to make amends.
But that all went down the drain when Clay sucker-punched him. To say Jax dominated the following fight was an understatement, weeks and weeks of sparring with a highly trained Marines had served him well.
The men watched on in horror as Jax met Clay's occasional hits with vicious attacks, Jax didn't even register when Clay's fists did land. For the briefest moment, he thought about killing the man, wondering if the brewing hatred in his chest after what happened to Donna would fade as Clay's life did, but then Sthal was pulling him away.
"I want Cameron Hayes and his true IRA contacts. Consider it retaliation for the Mcassholes jumping ship."
Jax looked over the photos, "and we both know, you'll never win this war against Zobelle." He raised his eyebrows, before you and Abel he would have played right into her hands. But now, he could see what she was doing.
She tried, she really did but Jax didn't take the bait, even after she offered to get the Club off. "You have a great girl, a beautiful son, I know how much they mean to you."
Jax nodded, "yeah. My son, he's given me a new pair of glasses, and y/n, she's something else. She would say that you're only showing me this to get a reaction, and she would be right. If you had anything, we wouldn't be having this conversation."
Stahl could barely contain her anger, "if we did have a relationship with the Irish, which we don't. What would stop me from tipping them off, letting em know you've got them under thumb?" If she was flustered, she didn't let on.
"You took a risk because you've got nothing and you're desperate."
Stahl's smile was all cruelty, "well, you really are the smart one. Oh ah, your bail's been posted, you're all free to go."
****
You and Gemma were waiting at T-M when the guys showed up. As Jax walked to the office, you went to follow but Gemma stopped you, "give him a minute."
The minutes turned to hours and by the time you were taking Jax home, it was very early morning. "Come on my love. You can have a shower while I put dinner on then I'll clean your hands and we can head to bed."
You had the first aid supplies ready when Jax came out, you waved at the chair and he sat down. "you want to tell me what happened?"
You picked up the saline-soaked gauze and cleaned his knuckles, "I tried to make amends with Clay, it ended in getting punched."
Jax flinched as you cleaned a particularly nasty cut, "he looked a lot worse off than you."
Jax nodded softly, "being pummeled by Sam kinda helped."
Your touches were more gentle now, "I don't want things to be this way, I just don't know how to fix things."
You took a deep breath, "my sweet, noble Jackson, it isn't your job to have all the answers."
You leaned in closer, "Juice is going to be fine, you got him help right away and he's resting in hospital. Right now you need to focus on what's going on with Clay."
His shoulders slumped, "I love this Club y/n, I can't let it die."
You started wrapping his hands, "it won't, you'll work it out. I know this is going to be really hard to hear but Clay thought he was doing something right. He thought that not bringing it to the Club was the best thing and it ended in Donna dying. If Tig had honour, this would be a very different conservation."
Jax could tell by your facial expression you were about the criticise the Club, "we need to be honest with ourselves, Jax, had Opie been killed this would have been dealt with already. The only reason it's still a secret is because Donna was just a wife." He knew you were telling the truth.
"What do I do?"
You put a hand on his face, "what you've been doing, try again to fix things with Clay. Put everything on the table and go from there, now that this has happened, there's no getting around that you need him."
He leaned in and pressed his forehead to yours, "I'd be lost without you."
You kissed him softly, "we can talk more in the morning. I have tomorrow off before I have to get back to this case I'm working." You took his hand, led him to the bedroom and climbed into bed with him.
"Good night Darlin."
You pressed a kiss to his cheek, "good night beloved."
****
Everyone was milling around T-M, you were sitting next to Jax and your brother. Jax was a little confused when he saw Chibs come out of the Clubhouse with a beer but he was happy so he let it go.
Abel was in your arms, reaching up to pull on a strand of hair, "you are worse than your father, my hair is not a toy young man."
Abel giggled and flapped his arms, "don't get all cute with me Mister." Jax laughed, seeing you with Abel was the most wonderful thing in the world.
CRASH
Everyone stood up, a car had driven into the lot with force, crashing into one of the walls. A man got out with a gun, trying to fire it but failing. Jax was on top of him before he could unjam the weapon. He could feel his hands ache as he pounded them into the man's face.
He knew something was wrong with the face slowly morphed into Clay's then Tig's, he could hear you screaming at him to stop but he couldn't. He just kept going and going, when he finally stood up, the man was, his skull a pile of blood and bone.
When he turned around, you were looking at him, Abel crushed into your chest while you cowered into Sam. There were tears in your eyes and your breathing was stuttering, he went to walk up to you but you shrinking away.
"You're a monster. I……I can't do this anymore, I deserve better." You turned on your heel and walked away, taking Abel with you and Jax found himself all alone, feeling like his heart had been ripped from his chest.
Jax shot awake, halfway to blinding panic but then he could feel your weight against him and your conditioner was wafting into his nose. You were on your sides, facing each other, you had managed to curl yourself into his arms, Jax could feel your chest rise and fall with every breath.
You were here with him, fast asleep. Jax was so relieved he wanted to cry, there was an urge inside him to wake you up but he knew how hard this case was and that if he did, you would insist on talking about why he was so distressed.
When he looked at the clock, it was just past four, there was no way he was going to be able to fall back asleep so he was content to hold you until your alarm rang. He lifted his hand and ran it over your head, if you could wiggle closer to you, he would have.
Jax's heart was still racing, going over the events of his dream in his head. If you were awake, you'd tell him that he was being silly, that you would never think he was a monster. Jax willed his breathing to slow, frightened of waking you.
The house was quiet, he could hear the cars passing on the street. He moved his hand again, the pads of his fingers resting against the pulse in your neck.
He could happily spend the rest of his life like this.
****
Jax didn't manage to fall back asleep, you hadn't moved away from him in the few hours that had passed and Jax had spent the whole time thinking about what he was going to say to you when you woke up.
"Good morning beloved." Jax felt like he had a hand down his throat, he looked forward to your good nights and good mornings every day but after that dream, it hit him differently.
"What's wrong?"
Your small hand was on his face, "nothing Darlin, it's just been a long week."
You crooked one eyebrow at him, "Jackson?" He sighed, there was no hiding anything from you.
"I had a bad dream is all."
You smiled softly, "you want to tell me what it was about?" He shook his head, "whatever's going on in that pretty head of yours is just your brain playing tricks on you, I'm here Jax and I'm not going anywhere."
The whole thing hit him and he couldn't stop himself from crying, you pulled him into your arms and he buried his head in your chest. "It's alright, I'm here, everything is going to be ok."
He was almost sobbing, "please don't leave me."
You pulled back, placing your hands on his cheeks, "hey, I'm not going to leave you. It was just a bad dream my love, whatever happened isn't real."
He sniffed, "it felt like it was." You pressed him back into your chest.
"I know, I get them too. But then I wake up and you're here with me and I know everything is going to be ok."
Jax felt the feeling lift, "I love you, unless you pull a Tig, I'll be here Jax. I've been to war, you don't think I've seen the people I love do objectively evil, all be it necessary things before?"
The relife almost caused him to cry again, "I love you so much."
You kissed the top of his head, "I love you too, how about we take Abel and the dogs and go for a breakfast picnic in the woods?"
Jax wrapped his arms around you, hugging you tight enough for your lungs to get smaller. "I love you Jackon, with all my heart."
He pulled back and pressed a kiss to your lips, "I love you too."
****
The picnic was nice, Abel was getting to that age where he put everything in his mouth so the moment you and Jax looked away to toss the ball, he had a mouthful of grass.
"Abel, you are not a ruminate, we do not eat grass."
Jax laughed, "you're going to turn him into a nerd." Jax shot you a cocky smile, "not that it's a bad thing."
You shook your head, "I'm not the one who spent all of Sunday showing him your bike engine."
Jax huffed, "You miss nothing."
Jax loved the way you smiled when you were flustered, "I know…"
Riiiiiiiiiing
"It's Clay."
You waved your hand, "duty calls?" He nodded and you waited until he was done, "I'll see you tonight." With one last kiss, you parted ways.
****
The guys were sitting in the Clubhouse, talking about what was going on between Clay and Jax, Sam was quiet, he had no intention of adding anything.
"I heard they got into it in county?"
Happy's voice was deep and his words were to the point, "it was brutal man."
Bobby nodded, "shit's been brewing for months, since Donna."
Sam stiffened, "it started way before that."
Of course Tig would try and cover his own ass. The conversation continued for a few sentences before Jax showed up. "Hey, what?"
Bobby did his best to hide what was going on, "just downloading to the prospect."
Happy recovered the ground much faster, "and his new swollen nut."
Jax gave a short nod, "yeah, welcome back, shithead."
He looked at Sam, "They needs us down at CaraCara, you should come too Ope. Where's Clay?" Sam was very worried, he knew Ima and the other women were still having problems with Georgie.
"Shit."
When they drove in, they knew something was wrong. Everyone was out front and Lyla was crying into Luanne's arms while Ima paced up and down the lot.
Sam was off his bike before it was fully off, "are you ok, what happened?" Ima stopped pacing and fell into Sam's arm, Opie was already talking to Lyla. Jax went up to Luanne, placing a warm hand on her arm.
"What happened?"
She sniffed, "some broke in, stole out HD camera and our laptop, it had three rough cuts on it."
Jax swallowed, "security?" Luanne's face turned hard, "caught the whole thing, by the time we were able to respond to the alarm, they were gone."
Jax took a glance at Sam, his face was a mask as he rubbed Ima's back in an effort to soothe her. Jax watched as Sam put on a smile and pecked Ima, coming over to talk to him and Luanne, "what are you going to do?"
Jax shook his head, "that was a ten thousand dollar camera."
Luanne waved it off, "the camera's insured, worth ten times as much."
Opie came over, having walked off with Lyla to watch the tapes, "it was Georgie's men."
Jax heard Sam inhale, "let's deal with this." He had half a mind to order Sam to stay behind but with the tone of his voice and the look on his there was nothing stopping him from getting even.
Just as they got to the door, Jax put a hand up to stop Sam, "your sister doesn't need the both of us in prison. Don't do anything stupid."
Sam's eyes flitted towards him, "bold of you to assume I'd get caught."
Luann's voice filled the room, "when does Gemma want us for dinner?"
Sam relaxed a bit a Jax yelled across the warehouse, "eight."
He turned to Sam, "is Ima coming."
He nodded, "yeah, y/n roped her into doing some of the cooking."
Jax turned to Opie, "you coming?"
Opie shook his head, "I've got Kenny and Ellie."
Jax huffed, "bring em, Lyla and her kid can come too, you guys seem pretty close."
Opie smiled warmly, "thanks man." Sam had calmed down just a bit, although Jax couldn't tell if he was putting on a face so he wouldn't be made to take a backseat.
"Come on, we've got business to handle." When they walked out, Chucky and Bobby were waiting for them. They took in Chucky and his hands, "shit man, did they really chop them off?"
He nodded, "I'm still adjusting." The conversation took and turn and by the end, they had managed to get Chucky's help with Georgie. Now all Jax had to worry about was Sam flying off the handle.
****
All Jax could hear was the cracking of Bone as Sam's fists hit Georgie's face, when the man was barely conscious, he hauled him up by his throat. "If you ever go near Luanne or any of her staff I will kill you, slowly and painfully. Do you understand me? Your bodyguards can't keep you safe at home. I know where you live, where you eat and where you find those poor women who work for you. If you even think about them, I will burn your life to the ground."
It was said right into the man's ear, just loud enough for everyone to hear. Jax took the CaraCara laptop and dropped Georgie's in the fish tank, "you're a fucking psycho."
They left and went to the Clubhouse, Sam going into the garage to clean his hands, "that was…..I didn't know he had that kind of thing in him."
Bobby was shocked, "yeah well, his sister's going to kill me letting it get that far." Jax had to admit he was shocked at the speed and precision of Sam's attack, he had no doubt in his mind that your brother would have killed Georgie had that been an option, with his bare hands, it seems.
****
When you went to see Chibs, Gemma and a woman you didn't know were in the room, "I'm sorry, we haven't met. I'm Dr y/n, not Chibs' doctor, just a friend. You are?"
The woman looked you over, "his wife."
You were taken aback, "umm ok, well it's nice meeting you. Chibs is doing much better, he should be fully awake soon."
The woman smiled, "I'll leave you two alone."
Gemma got the hint and went with you, "what the hell is going on? I had no idea he was married." That was a lie, it was on the background check you did before you moved to Charming.
"When is Chibs getting out?"
You took a deep breath, "he's off the critical list and will be taken to Stocken sometime today, why?"
Gemma shook her head, "that woman in there is trouble, Chibs can't leave our site." She sounded worried.
You rubbed your forehead, "I'll see what I can do, in the meantime, we need to make sure this shit with CaraCara doesn't give Clay another reason to shut it down."
****
Clay was enraged, no one showed up to the gun meeting and they not only lost to the Aryans but lost their guns. Tig had a crisis of conscience and was second-guessing his every move and he still couldn't get Jax to stop bringing up Donna. With Sam always talking about how they wanted out of guns, he couldn't see staying at the head of the table for long if nothing changed.
He had to find a way to gain more ground, either that or find some way to get rid of his stepson and your brother. If he went that way he had to convince Gemma first, it was time to be the loving old man again, just in case.
****
Jax reminded himself to take your advice more often, somewhere between dealing with Georgie and getting ready for dinner, he had managed to sit down and talk with Opie about everything that was going on. His best friend was doing better, spending more time with his kids and was trying another shot at love but Jax couldn't stand that he was getting closer to Clay, knowing what he did.
"It's Tig's duty to make that right." your words repeated in his head over and over, if anything, just to ease his guilt. When they got to his mother's house, something was clearly wrong.
"Where the hell were you."
Clay looked like he was about to hit someone, "we had something to take care of at CaraCara." You were in the kitchen with Lyla and Ima, helping Gemma get dinner ready.
Ima crocked her head to the dining table, "is that about us?"
You shook your head, "nah, just another dick measuring contest, they've been having a lot of those lately."
The yelling escalated and you all filled in to try and defuse the situation, it just kept getting worse, and then the shoving started. Just as it got to the point of punches being thrown, your phone went off, a loud, offensive noise that had everyone turning to you.
"What was that?" Clay sounded like you were going to be in the firing line but you were already out the door.
"S.O.S from CaraCara, Luanne's in serious trouble."
Part 30
Please tell me what you think about the changes in canon, I would really really appreciate feedback.
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wonik1ss · 1 year
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004. in the name of love + half written — SURFS UP ! 🏄‍♀️
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As you walked up the beach, your friends who offered to walk you down teased you about how down bad you were for J.
But you didn’t care, once you saw that beautiful somnolent in her face you forgot about the teasing and only focused on her.
“ Morning Y/n ! Today we will be just practicing on the sand so you can get your stance right “. You nodded absorbing half the things she was saying and the other half just fauning over the taller girl.
“ Ok so to be able to surf you need to- “.
-
It had been 2 hours since J had taught you the proper stance and a few tricks. “ Let’s take a break now! Y/n “. You nodded “ What do you mean break we have been going at this for 2 hours “. J laughed “ We still have 2 hours left! Also where’s that money yo- “.
You blushed as the girl called you out immediately taking he money out of your pack pocket, to shove it in her hand. “ O-Oh I was just joking Y/n you could have given it to me anytime “. She said laughing. “ If I didn’t give it now I would leave here with a debt over my head “.
She laughed harder as she went behind the counter of her parents shop, going to the back. As J was in the back you looked around. You saw a bunch of surfurs boards and towels but also.. a family photo. It was a photo of looked like a 5 year old J surfing. You smiled as you picked it up.
“ I thought I told mom to put that back “. J said as she came back in with two slushier one red and one blue. She handed the blue one two you and took the picture. “ I look so stupid in this photo “. J said as she went to sit down. You followed like a puppy dog. “ I think you look really cute though… Also isn’t it a flex to say you new how to surf from that young “.
A little dash of blush showed up on J’s face. “ Didn’t think of it like that “. She said looking back up at you. You both just started at eachother for awhile. Before you swore J looked at her lips for a second. “ We should finnish these and get back to the lessons “. She said as she basically downed the slushee giving her the worst brain freeze.
“ Ow “. You laughed and stood up on your toes to tap the taller girl. “ Don’s rush it or you’ll turn into frosty the snowman “. She laughed you smiled and then you finished you slushee too.
The you both went to Finnish the lesson, and came home to a half dead asleep Wonyoung. Boy was today one of your favorites, and you couldn’t wait to tell your friends all about it.
-
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masterlist | next
synopsis : it was your 1st trip to the sunny beaches of cali. you had never been interested in anything else but surfing.. well that was until you saw the new teen surfing instructor j. she was everything you wanted and more. But with that came a really really REALLY dense girl who would probably never see your feelings.. which is what you thought for now.
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s-aprua · 1 year
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//kaveh character story spoilers
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tldr: kaveh has so much angst and I love him for that. babygirl is suffering (I am suffering with him) (also some sucrose parallels bc I'm sucrose's no.1 fan and also some flavors of haikaveh angst)
Foreword
this is honestly just the word dump I threw together bc I couldn't sleep, thinking about angsty kaveh art and how he may now be my second fav character
what's not to love about a man so filled with angst, so riddled with guilt and unable to escape the ghosts of his past? who believes everyone can reach the same heights if they work together, but unable to let others see his own weaknesses? who hates loneliness, but would suffer through it for the happiness of others? wishing to attain the pinnacle of his craft, even if he has to give up everything to see it through? a man who wishes to love everyone around him, but is unable to accept any for himself?
Idealism
ok this is the sucrose part and it is kinda a stretch but I like both of them very much and my target audience is always me, I do what I want
kaveh designs with practicality and artistry in mind, unwilling to give either up, to the point that when he finally gets to create something that he can go all out on both fronts on, he is willing to give up his home to see it through (even then he still owes dori for helping him find the project). when he works with others, he tries to help others keep up because there shouldn't be a gap between "geniuses" and those who aren't, even of it means more work for himself. sucrose is so intent on bioalchemy because of a childhood promise to reach a mythical domain from a fairytale with her ex-friends, both of which have moved on (one literally never returns to mondstadt, one breaking off their friendship after a domestic tragedy). regardless, she still works to achieve the paradise they wished to see as the only way she can make good on that promise. even now she hopes beyond hope that if she can create the wonderland from that fairytale, her friends will return. neither of them have accepted their reality; kaveh's idealism alone isn't enough to fund the construction of a palace, carrying extra burdens wasn't enough to bridge the gap between alhaitham and him and their fellow researchers; sucrose's friends are unlikely to return if she is even able to create that paradise in the first place
(bonus: not gonna type an essay for this one, but there's just something about the way they have lost people but don't let others know it hurt them; kaveh pretending it was fine when his mom left, sucrose never mentioning her friends or the wonderland to anyone)
Alhaitham
I have been typing on mobile and frankly the word vomit and angst have quite thoroughly rotted my brain, sorry if this no longer makes sense
god these two are so. the whole opposites thing they have going on. yes ok shipping them is cool, I get it (roommates, bickering like they're married, opposites attract, etc) but like. imagine this. they both care about each other, ever since their akademiya days, but they express it differently; kaveh with his whole "I wanna help people unconditionally, but if you help me, I will return the favor even if I suffer for it" vs alhaitham with his "I don't care what other people think, I do what I want (and I want you to stop making yourself suffer, why won't you let me just help you)" (ok yeah I made that last part up, pretty sure that wasn't quite how it went) and because of this and on account of how stubborn they both are, neither of them are able to ever see eye to eye again. they eventually come to tolerate each other but they'll never be able to be what they once were; after all, their relationship as built on a foundation of sand. kaveh's mom had just left him, and he had heard about a genius new student; maybe someone who could fill a bit of the loneliness in him. they were perpendicular lines, different from the start, only intersecting once, and bount to drift down different paths
opposites angst aside though, an alternate flavor of angst: alhaitham tries to show care/affection for kaveh, but kaveh with his paranoia of abandonment and fear of loving and getting hurt again, rejects him (if anyone has heard 'namonaki kanjyou' by usotsuki, yea).
that's all I have for that one I am tired and the brainrot is getting harder to fight off
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hidefdoritos · 6 months
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Went to a lake today and turns out that sticking your feet in water truly does clear the sludge out of your heart and brain.
Read on the beach. Some of the first make-up schoolwork I've been able to bring myself to do.
As mentioned a while back, my bestie asked a boy (yes of course the one I also like) out for coffee. He finally talked to her in person and gave a very gentle, considerate soft no. Giant green flag that he handled it so well. Aside from this situation, I still don't know if I would want him. I think we get along well, but I could see it turning into petty fights and both of us feeling insufficient and I don't know if he communicates well or not (I am slowly learning how to communicate but it's still scary). However, he still looks like a screen door (I am the hurricane in this scenario).
Anyway, bestie comes before him. She took the rejection like a champ. We went for a drive and listened to Taylor Swift and she came to the beach with me. We yelled at the waves and waded around and drew in the sand with sticks for a while and the wind was very strong and I think she feels better too.
Worked a bunch on the dino pants. Separate post about that.
Talked to my roommate tonight and we both shared the life stuff we're struggling with. It was a heavy conversation but we're both choosing not to dwell on the negatives. Just stuff to pray about. Also, we checked in and we are in fact both enjoying the roommate situation. Neither one of us is annoying the other.
Struggling so hard lately with being single. How do I live on a campus of people all my age, and lots of us are going in the same life directions, and still I've been on one date in the last 3 years? Does nobody want me? What's wrong with me? What do they all see in me that's turned them all away?
Ok, no introspecting after 10 pm. I spiraled so hard on day one of prednisone. I don't need to do that again on night 4.
I did hear an engaged couple singing a duet earlier of the Lava song from the Disney short and it made me tear up. I know that's the prednisone talking. Almost started crying again just thinking about it. I thought I already had my person too.
Ok Moss, knock it off. Go to bed.
Coughing way less today. Taking tomorrow as my day of total rest. Hope that helps. Tomorrow will also be my last day of prednisone. I hope I don't crash off it too hard or have any withdrawal symptoms. Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
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londonlock · 7 months
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I have a new obsession with Micheal Sheen and if you look on Spotify you can find him read Shakespeare sonnets and all that and to most popular one is a passage from Persuasion and it has a chokehold on me. His voice and emotion. He has such talent it is unbearable. I think you should look into all the other things he has done.
I myself, saw the heartbreak ahead of time and so have not watched Good Omens Season 2. But still I watch fan edits and my soul does ache over and over again from it. I will wait for season 3 but my love for Micheal Sheen does threaten to ruin my temporary safety from heart break.
I am sorry to torture you so.
hello again!!! no worries about the torturing sbdjsjs! well i have visited spotify and well….. you have cursed me. you have let me bleed out in your arms. you have put water 10 metres away when i only have strength for 9. he has such a different voice for arizaphale! his real voice is - you know i’ve been listening to too many of his sonnets when all you can talk in is metaphors. ok his real voice is honey, it’s a clear stream, it’s bare feet in sand, all combined. yeah i have a glimpse into why you are so spellbound. “i am half-agony, half-hope” what the fuck. what is this wizardry. well this is something i must investigate further sbxbsn
welllll about good omens s2. it’s difficult and painful and frightening but you probably gotta watch it. (unless it literally threatens ur safety as u mention. then all that matters is that u love michael the least dangerously as possible sksnxns. stay safe. and if so then reject the rest of this paragraph.) this is the PERFECT time because you’re so deeply enamoured with michael. bc of that youre gonna have the BEST time. your heart and soul and brain and body and feelings and entire existence will never experience good omens 2 the way you can experience it now. have a cry, scream into a pillow, wiggle your legs a lot (this might just be me sbxbjs) and maybe then you can watch it. even if you know about the heartbreak, as you say, there’s still SO much to be discovered. i am holding your hand. but anyway. it’s all ok. you’re good either way <3
thank u anon!!!! if only we could meet again rather than being two sailboats on the ocean passing each other and never to be seen once more. i am full of wanting to talk about the sheen sonnets (a term i just coined) and also how you went with good omens s2. pls accept this as an invite to send any more updated asks!! or if you want to then dm me, you have good takes and we might get along a bit, and actually be able to talk about this stuff. i dont want to be a sailboat. but take care of yourself first and foremost! ily! 💗
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