#so i don't need to really learn

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[measuringbliss]

People are acting so weird and possessive of Markiplier for the whole OnlyFans situation. He's an adult. He's an adult who's been a celebrity for years. He knows people thirst on him. That's why he had this idea in the first place. He's not some naive kid you must protect. He's not some innocent soul that the evil sluts of Tumblr and Twitter will corrupt. He knows the Internet, he knows his fans and he knows his job.

He's an adult and he can make his own choices.

#Markiplier #I've seen quite a few comments expressing discomfort and like. You can just. Not subscribe to his OF???? #That's a possibility. You can block people too. #I think some of you really need to learn about parasocial relationships and reflect on it #He's not your dad #He's not your friend #He's just a dude #A dude who has a job and it just so happens that his job revolves around appearing personable #Don't forget that you don't truly know him and MORE IMPORTANTLY he doesn't know YOU #He probably has various ideas on xho his fans are as subgroups but he doesn't know you personally #Actually it reminds me of Maisee Williams in GoT s8 #People had seen her (the character and the actress) grow up over the years and when she decided she wanted to do a nude scene #A lot of people said they were uncomfortable #In both cases. They're adults. They can do whatever they want. #I guess that was a rant but sometimes I find the fandom really off-putting #Deactivated reblogs because the RBs were getting boring and a pain

[uncanny-tranny]

Hey, if you have speech impediments, you are so amazing.

If you stutter or have a lisp or misspeak easily or you have a flat affect or a limited verbal vocabulary or if your voice is AAC or if you just have a difference in your vocality, you are so incredibly important and amazing.

Just know that your voice is yours. Nobody will ever be able to truly take it away. Your voice is part of you, and you deserve to make it as true to you as you deem fit. I hope you have the space to grow with your voice and whatever about it makes it unique.

#positivity #disability positivity #partially because so much of voical differences arise from disability #i've developed a really annoying lisp-ish issue #and it's hard to be positive about it because it makes me feel like i'll be treated as lesser because it's a 'childish' affect #but i literally can't help it unless i spend 110% of my focus on it. and i don't have that amount of energy #but it makes me think about others and especially those who have it more intensely than i do #and i just want to uplift everybody because vocal differences are neutral at worst #man my dad always tells a story about this coworker he had who had a stutter like you wouldn't believe... #...and he was fucking BRUTALIZED for it... 'c-c-c-c-CAN YOU GET TO THE POINT?!' is how people would talk to him... #...and obviously that made his stutter twice as fucking worse and i can't imagine the shame and humiliation that followed... #...i hope he learned that those assholes were a fucking waste of time and that he doesn't have to deal with that... #...like i'm sorry but there is no fucking need to be that sadistic toward somebody who is obviously already anxious and worried

[co-dependance]

I’ve seen people talk about the main theme of the owl house being acceptance, and I think they’re completely right about that. But I haven’t really seen anyone look at the sub themes depicted in the show around the acceptance theme.

Specifically how the owl house is really advocating for child autonomy. Specifically in the ways of discipline, showing that communicating and talking with children ends up being a lot more beneficial and effective than punishing them.

The most obvious example comes with the collector, where instead of talking to him, King’s dad punished the kid by putting him in essentially time out, for the actions of his siblings. Which he would’ve learned if he had talked to the collector. And then following that, every interaction before talking with Luz, has the collector being used or placated in some way instead of being treated like an actual child due to the amount of power he has. The titan trappers revering him as some sort of god, Belos manipulating him, and even king attempting to appease the collector, instead of really talking to him. Though for king it’s a bit more understandable. Even so, the show showcases the collector’s change only after he’s talked to like a person, and then shown why his views were wrong.

Luz, who’s the main focus of the show, has her character arc and journey centered around being punished for her not fitting in at school. And while, yes, some of Luz’s antics that were shown seemed to be legitimately dangerous, the real solution would’ve been to talk with her and teach her about safety and why bringing wild animals and fireworks into a school building is dangerous. It should have also been that Luz should be able to talk and negotiate with her teacher about what would be acceptable for her projects with her endless creativity. The solution was not to essentially punish Luz for being creative, and what that only did was make her feel worse about herself and more isolated from the people she thought would be on her side. And then we were shown in thanks to them and for the future, Camilla’s growth into understanding that not talking to Luz about this, and essentially forcing her into normality, was not the way to go about things.

And we see this theme again, with Willow forced into the abomination track because her parent’s thought that was what was best for her, until she was able to showcase her skills and switch to what she was actually good at. Alador realizing he missed a lot of Amity’s growth by not talking to her, and then making it up to Amity by letting her set the boundaries and reestablishing their relationship. Odalia being controlling and not listening to her children which lead to actively harming their social development, until she was confronted and then shut out. Belos manipulating Hunter, isolating him, and abusing him, not even listening to what he had to say. And all of these situations were made better and more bearable when they were given the chance to take charge and be heard.

All this, in an attempt to showcase that children can be vulnerable and malleable, but they are also smart and understanding. And instead of deciding what a child needs, it’s important to communicate with the child instead, asking what they need and listening to what they’re saying. And implementing that by guiding and supporting them, not attempting to control them to what someone else thinks is right.

Children are smart and observant, they just need to be taught how to communicate, and viewed and thought of as actual human beings.

In a way, the owl house is attempting to advocate for it’s audience, and that’s beautiful.

#the owl house #toh #toh spoilers #toh season finale #luz nozeda #toh hunter #willow park #amity blight #child autonomy #honestly i think it's a really important thing to be taught to everyone at every age #Children are seen as dumb and it's disheartening because they're not #they're open to new ideas and possibilities and not yet stifled by their own learned w-orld veiw #and they don't know everything so that's why they need to be taught #refusing to teach them ultimately takes away any chance of growth #no kid is a lost cause #and kids can understand when something is wrong #ignoring them looses the chance for the kid to learn how to understand and indepen-dently come up with a solution later #toh meta

[noctumbra]

japanese learners/japanese speakers, is there any solid dictionary that i can use to look up words? like larousse for french, is there any websites/dictionaries for japanese?

#japanese #japanese language #japanese learning #im thinking of getting into it for real #so i thought i could start by learning vocab but i need solid stuff #i can look it up online sure but are they true? are they really giving / showing me what i wanna know? #i don't wanna triple check for each word i want to look up or learn #so help is muuuuch appreaciate it #also i think learning vocab is the least scary way to learn japanese alphabets so this is actually the main reason why im asking + #+ for a solid dictionary #thank youuu #blablabla

[royalarchivist]

Pac: Oh, Nenê... How cute... 🥺💕

After dying to an atomic creeper in a cave and stressing over potentially losing all his items, Pac returns home to set his spawn and receives a sweet surprise:

His cat falls asleep on top of him and purrs when he goes to bed :')

#QSMP #Pactw #Pac #March 28 2024 #I had the exact same reaction as Pac my heart frickin melted THIS IS SO CUTE.... AND THE PURRING.... MY HEART #I desperately wish Pac got to hang out with Madagio (in his cat-form) #because cats clearly adore Pac just as much as he loves them #Maybe in an alternate universe Madagio spent a day with Pac #And in that time he learned why Fit came to care for this man so much #I don't need more WIPs on my plate but I am Pondering the idea #If the cat-hybrid Cellbit thing was canon I could crack a joke about the ''cats clearly adore Pac just as much as he loves them'' thing #but alas #For real though lock Madagio in a room with Pac for 12 hours and he'll leave being grudgingly charmed by him #aghhhh #Anyways this is so cute #but also really sad #because how many times do you think Pac's been in his room depressed over his missing son / friends / roommate #only to have his cats burrow under his arm and nudge their way onto his lap? #Don't get me started I'm feeling Emotional about cubito Pac lately

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

MDZS x Warrior Cats AU (part 1): That boy can meow!

Names and a huge inspiration credits to @clintbeefwoods!

(part 2)

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #mdzs au #mdzs warrior cats au #wei wuxian #mo xuanyu #little apple #lan wangji #lan wunian #If you thought for a second I wouldn't find a way to keep littlewang in this au #then you have severely underestimated my horse yuri powers. #The start of the Warrior cats AU begins! Yes the clans are somewhat the same but the lore *has* shifted to better suit mdzs canon. #For one: Cross clan apprentice training is an option. Gusu school arc is still a school arc. #wwx would have a blast pouncing on lwj's Too Long Tail He Has Yet To Grow Into. #(Its very important to me that lwj/bluepaw has those kittenish big ears). #I will probably circle back to drawing teenxian apprentice antics after I get through the cast. #I had to put myself into a cat drawing boot camp for this AU (despite my sona being a cat I...actually don't really know how to draw one). #and I feel like I learned a lot + need a lot more practice...however this *is* the practice! It's for fun! #I'll be alternating comics and AU stuff this month! happy chatember! #Clintbeefwoods has put a ton of work into this AU and I am so excited to show it off!

[inkskinned]

this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.

it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?

it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.

as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.

on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.

and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.

and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.

as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.

#spilled ink #writeblr #:) lol . anybody notice how i write about dads in second person exclusively #me: haha silly cartoon #also me: ): this child is not getting what they need #also btw this is about a father but it might apply to any parent or caregiver #there's a really weird space of like #''this person was technically around me but either ignored me or was actively harmful to me'' #and like u learn this very strange ritual of like... this person is my parent/caregiver on a technicality #that you almost spend all ur time with them like... tiptoeing and acting as THEIR parent so u don't upset them. #like you're 17 and ur mom is suddenly hit by a wave of wanting to talk to you so she's like :) lets make breakfast together :) and ur like #uhhhhhh okay?? bc you feel like this is absolutely going to go wrong and is why u usually make breakfast alone #and she starts being like: THIS is called a TEASPOON ... & u know all this stuff but you also know to just be very quiet #bc if you say like ''mom ive been making this breakfast every day since i was 13'' she would FREAK OUT and be like #DONT ACT LIKE I NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR YOU DONT ACT LIKE I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU. FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL . #so u have to smile like ur a preschool teacher and be like. OH COOL! i didn't know A CUP existed! tell me MORE! :)

[cluescorner]

I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc

#damian wayne #damian al ghul #damian al ghul wayne #batman #batfamily #for all of the issues that come with having Steph as your fave having too much wild shit happening at once is never one of them #btw I quite like The Boy Wonder Issue 1. wow shocker an artist and writer who I have liked everything they've ever done #has once again written something that I am enjoying with art that makes me want to be part of its world. #it's almost like Juni Ba is really freaking talented or something #like I have some problems with it but it seems like many of those are part of the point. Damian is learning that his siblings are more #three-dimensional than he realized and that is part of this 'coming of age' story merged with fairytale #so I can't be mad at the oversimplistic defining of Dick and Jason and Tim until the conclusion of the series. that might be the point. #I hope that the series will address Steph as a Robin but if not then frankly it's not an issue unique to this series. #I'll be annoyed and disappointed but ultimately roll with it like I am with Babsgirl being here. There's too much good stuff here to get #hung up on shit that seems to be almost an editorial mandate at this point. at least that's where I'm at. #I am also very sorry that Chip Zdarsky is massacring your boy. he has 'X (Tim for him) is the best Robin so everyone else must suck' diseas #where a writer really likes one specific Robin and in trying to uplift them demeans all of the other Robins. instead of like...just writing #for that one character only or alternatively not demeaning the other characters in order to make his blorbo look good #it's wild because I actually think his writing for Tim is pretty solid. but he's not writing a Tim series. he's writing a Batman series. #and if you are going to write a Batman series and include other Batfamily members you need to actually write them well. #instead of assigning them like 2 personality traits while Tim gets to be a whole character #I accept that behavior in fanfic where I have lesser standards because it's fucking free. not a comic run that wants me to pay #tens of dollars in order to understand what the fuck is going on. he's been going for a while now it's gotta be a lot of money. #I can buy Steelworks with that money. I can see John Henry and Natasha Irons in a trade. Fuck you Chip. #it's why it takes such a special person to write a good ensemble story/a good Batfamily story. you have to be good at writing a LOT #of different characters. which I don't think most people are. I sure as hell am not. I can write maybe 3 at a time confidently well. #and you also have to give all of them at least SOME love or else people will be upset that you aren't focusing on their fave #and also the writing as a whole will suffer. Chip Zdarsky is a pretty good Tim writer. I'd maybe read a Tim solo written by him. #I would not read a story focusing on multiple characters that I like written by Chip Zdarsky. because every character who isn't Tim #is at least a bit weak/inconsistent/out of character INCLUDING FUCKING BATMAN. THE NO. 1 GUY MOST ARE HERE FOR

[fromtheseventhhell]

I want to make a longer post about this someday but: I think Arya's TWOW arc is going to include her coming to terms with her identity as a Lady. This has been an ongoing conflict with her since her first chapter and I think her flowering in winds is going to mark a turning point. The theory of her having an apprenticeship with the courtesans holds a lot of weight and the idea of Arya going through puberty among a group of unconventional women she's fostered a positive relationship with is just too perfect. It would really have an impact on Arya reconciling her personal idea of what a Lady should be. There's also a lot that she could learn from them in terms of courtesies, communication, appearances, body-language, etc. that would elevate her current skill-set and ways her relationship with them could push the plot.

Not to mention she will undoubtedly reclaim her identity as Arya Stark, and her being a Lady is inseparable from that. Arya Stark is a Lady Stark and being a Lady is a social position, not a measure of how well someone preforms feminine tasks. She shouldn't have to relinquish her position because she doesn't fit patriarchal standards. That's not to say that she's ever going to be the perfect example of a traditional Lady but what I think will happen is that she becomes capable of playing the part. She plays several identities throughout the series but she's always been Arya underneath, so I think it's appropriate that she learns to adopt a "persona" that's part of her. Her remembering Ned putting on his "Lord's face" (+ the various examples of other characters being separate from their ruling persona) makes me think that Arya will be donning her "Lady's face" when she makes a return to Westeros.

#arya stark #asoiaf #twow speculations #Arya has been through so much traumatic shit and I think her flowering is going to bring up a lot of her self-esteem issues #I just really need her surrounded by kind older women when that happens so she can have some comfort #George saying her arc in braavos could be the plot of a YA novel?? definitely makes me think she's going to grow up a lot there #she's already one of the most mature characters so I think part of it's going to be her accepting her duty as a Stark Lady #she wants to help and protect people and the best way she can do that is if she has political power #She could learn that first hand in TWOW #possibly through her finding out about her marriage??? and meeting Jeyne in Braavos?? #and before someone says it courtesans are so much more then sex work so I don't want to hear it #they are such a big part of Braavosi high life...they're cultured and connected with very important people #I just have so many thoughts on the subject cause I think her apprenticeship with them will serve multiple purposes #the faceless men and their plans...the iron bank...the sealord...It's all connected and I think her apprenticeship with them will kick off #the braavos plot and could mark the beginning of the end of her time with the faceless men and in braavosi #half a boy half a wolf pup -> half a lady half a wolf #I think her current skillset fits well and it's likely she'll learn even more in TWOW #Arya defining her own role as a Lady and becoming comfortable means so much to me

[moonviewer]

"I will keep going forward, no matter how hopeless it might seem."

(please do not repost my art and just leave a link to it if you'd like to share instead, thank you!)

#shining nikki #sn nikki #my art #sn #nikkiverse #i drew this for an art contest #but i really drew it because i wanted to say something with its message #and because i needed a reason to paint something to practice my art style #lol #i tried to make it so even those who don't know its context could understand...at least a little bit #i've recently been watching Naoki Saito (an illustration advice youtube channel) and i've been wanting to try out the things i learned ther #this time i wanted to try conveying a concept/message just in 1 image alone #at first it was honestly more difficult than i thought i tried it for days #but nothing worked and when i finally did get the idea that became this drawing it was because i was thinking one night of how #nikki was someone who has failed thousands and thousands of times yet she never gave up #i admired that because i was thinking of how i just keep failing in my goals that night #that was when i thought i wanted to convey that strength that nikki has #that strength that i also wished to have #and that was when the concept just flowed to me like water so easily #isnt it strange that its only when i start to feel like theres something i want to say that i finally find the idea to express it #something so obvious that i don't even realize lol #for context this image is about someone who lived in a world operated by AI where all emotions and creativity are shut down and dominated b #AIs kinda like the current AI crisis in the art community #but this someone believed in a world with vivid color #and the heart that created such an imperfect yet beautiful world before AI dominated it #thats what i wanted to express #thanks for reading if anyone bothers reading my long rants lol :)

[uncanny-tranny]

r u chill w non transitioning ppl?

Why wouldn't I be? At one point, every trans person who is transitioning was once someone who wasn't (whether or not that was a choice or their need is a separate discussion).

Hatred of any kind of trans person is not a Righteous or Good Thing - every single trans person has their place, their entitlement to safety, community, and respect of who they are

#ask #anon #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #when i was a kid i cared way more about Earning a spot - about every trans person Proving ourselves #and then i grew up in many ways and experienced many unfortunate things - as a kid who couldn't transition nonetheless #that quickly sobered me to the reality that it doesn't matter what you do or don't do as a trans person #divided we fall. you canNOT give into the divide and conquer strategy - you will NEVER survive #the second you decide that some trans people are worth discarding entirely is the second you set a precedent #and that precedent will eventually choke you. that precedent WILL exclude you eventually #i think a lot of people end up in the place of You Have To Earn Your Spot because they think it will save them... #...those ridged requirements tell you what you need to do to Earn Being Alive... #...if there is no goal where you have earned unconditional respect and security what is there to do? #what would the point be? why should trans people even bother if we aren't guaranteed safety over all? #that misses the true foundation for so many of those requirements is control - not safety or respect #as i have transitioned medically i've learned so much about what the point is #in so many ways i have had really negative experiences because of transitioning - but the joy always outweighs the pain #that joy is what made it worth it

[gxlden-angels]

Bro I hate fundamentalists and culturally-fundie parents they'll say shit like "spare the rod spoil the child am I right haha yea my parents used to have to beat my ass with a switch almost everyday but I sure did learn my lesson" but like??? no you didn't??? you were hit multiple times for something you very obviously did not, in fact, learn

Like studies about how harmful even lightly spanking children is aside, you're literally contradicting yourself?? Some even admitted they got worse as they got older cause they wanted to see how far they could push their parents before they got punished

And studies not aside, you're gonna get child raising advice from the same book that tells you to stone your wife if her hymen doesn't break on your wedding night instead of the decades of research we have now?? Just say you're a bad parent and move on my guy. Skill issue

#bro I had a coworker go 'unpopular opinion I think some kids really do need beatings' and I'm like???? #unprompted???? what's going on there???? #well anyways I ended up going 'yea so I plan on specializing in play therapy with autistic children so I've been learning about talking #to children and the ways their parents and environment affects them' #and they're like hmmm but beating this kid with a stick after they broke something or I upset them to the point of yelling is good actually #had a boss say it taught him and his kids respect cause they were hard-headed #and I'm like?? that's fear not respect! they fear punishment! they do not act out of respect for you! #he's a conservative christian black man tho so he's like 'But Authority!' like bro I don't even respect you what are you on about #'You don't respect police and their authority?' Nope! I fear them! I do not respect cops and every cop/cop-adjacent person I personally know #has reinforced that for me #'We'll agree to disagree' Cool! Doesn't mean you're not wrong! I could believe trees aren't real but that is in fact incorrect #then he pulled out the bible verse and I was like ah okay I forgot you like 'here's how to treat slaves' book you're so right bestie #I'm totally wrong now and so sorry for doubting you and your 2000+ year old book I don't believe in <3 #They'd go 'well I turned out fine!' then say something that directly contradicts that #anyways I need christians to get their grubby little hands off the current state of Child Protection and Rights in the U.S. #So we can actually start working on helping kids without the force of christian hands suffocating them #cause homeschooling and child raising by evangelicals are so fucked up bro I'm tired of this shit #I'd only stay in my current state to help children get out of that cycle since I'm in the bible belt #ex christian #religious trauma #child abuse tw

[omgcatboi]

I don't often post my non kink related art but I'm tryna get the attention of someone else in the community and am too shy and cringe to reach out so. Here, have this portrait I did of Hanzo Shimada. With my finger. On ibis paint. This took me four hours. Progress for proof below.

#we have so many similar interests and im trying to not be cringe about that 🧍‍♂️ #hi im autistic and some people are really really hard to reach out to lol #anyways ove/watch fandom please don't look at my fat kink blog i cannot handle normie anon hate rn #plus id. what u think bc u play OVE/WATCH #idc* oops #not retyping all that #and if you have seen this art on animo and noticed i updated my signature no u didnt!!! #i dont want people on amino knowing im a fat guy that thinks it hot to get fatter #let me be kinky in peace #hanzo #hanzo art #hanzo shimada #hanzo fanart #overwatch fanart #watch either get no notes at all like all my other art or spark the first fatphobic harassment campaign against me bc i dared #to post out my uaual tags #anyways #artists on tumblr #trans artist #overwatch #my art ALWAYS gets ignored its such a SHITTY FUCKING FEELING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats WHY I NEVER POST IT !!!!!!!!!!!! #but whatever im not normal and need to make friends somehow #when people learn to give the attention my art is worth ill post more #but yall on this site NEVER. do ( at least on ever blog I had before this one) #i just dobt post much of it here bc whats the point? no one gives a shit about my intrests and skillls #im just. pretty face to look at #and thats all ill ever be or amount to #bi polar ramblings ig ig ig

[wistfulwatcher]

misty quigley is a lesbian; a comphet reading of her deprivation tank "realization"

in rewatching misty's deprivation tank therapy, i'm more convinced than ever that misty is a lesbian suffering from compulsory heterosexuality. the entire scene, from start to finish, is about misty accepting that walter has feelings for her (not the other way around), and learning to push through her discomfort with that fact.

the deprivation tank scene begins by establishing that misty is afraid. we see quick transitions and hear bubbling water and see a terrifying fish coming at the camera with sharp teeth. followed by a slightly softer stream of images of walter, interspersed with memories of crystal, and of caligula. misty is thinking about three key relationships in this moment: walter, who is actively pursuing her; crystal, whom she loved and hurt and misses; and caligula, who is the only creature that both loves her, and she loves back.

love is the concept that ties these three together: walter is who she could love, crystal is who she did love, and caligula is who she does love.

and so the memories fade into her fantasy sequence, led by caligula, and he begins to soothe her. this creature that represents real (platonic, obviously) love to her (in that it is true and reciprocated, more than she feels it is with any human) tells her "shake off your blues/i'll set the mood for ya". caligula is acknowledging her fear and her loss, and telling her that he can fix it. that he has an answer that will make all of her problems go away.

which is when walter appears, looking like the leading man in a classic musical; an idealized romantic interest, one her fantasy has turned from a real man into a fictional character. and what does he do? performs for her. misty (per the directions of the song, to just "sit right down") sits and watches. she does not interact with him, because she (and her attraction) is not a part of this. one element of comphet is the inability to picture yourself in a fantasy with a man; misty does not put herself with walter, she does not join him.

and while he and caligula perform, three items float around the screen: the plane axe, a syringe, and the black box (which fluctuates between intact and exposed). these three items are such a fascinating choice, because they, 1) all relate to the actions she took in her need to be useful and appreciated, but 2) also represent some of the ugliest things she has done (at a time when she has recently been thinking about what kind of person these things make her). she is thinking about these moments (her behavior with ben, murdering jessica, and stranding the team/breaking crystal's trust) that cause her great discomfort, at the same time she is trying to convince herself that walter is what she needs. she is comparing the discomfort she has with walter's interest and the validation she would feel from a relationship, to the way she's felt about all of these other bad things she's felt compelled to do.

while these items float, caligula sings, "now sit right down/let your troubles melt away/and you'll be sitting pretty in the moonlight gaze". continuing to tell her to push through the discomfort; just let it go. and if you do? "moonlight gaze" is such an interesting choice, because the moon is most strongly symbolic of women. if she lets go and has this relationship with walter, the other women will think she's normal. (especially after just a few hours prior to this, natalie had said, "we're all like this, aren't we?" this is her chance to prove nat wrong, for misty's own sake and/or for nat's!) this is not the first time misty has displayed behavior suggesting that it's important to her that natalie (and other people in general) see her as desirable as a romantic/sexual prospect: telling natalie about her dates on the road trip to travis, "i bet he thinks we're hookers!" said with glee in the jail, "i have a secret boyfriend, too," whispered to natalie in '96. if she decides to accept walter's interest (a man who is so into her that he is literally fine with her being a serial killer!), then maybe the other girls will see how worthy misty is of affection and attention.

once the dance number is over, misty immediately goes to speak with caligula; again, in her fantasy about loving walter, she doesn't interact with walter. instead she seeks caligula out, because he is the one she feels a real connection to; he is the one who knows her and can reassure her - the one whose reassurance will mean something. (walter, a man she barely knows, has been nothing but a concept to her in this fantasy, and that doesn't change.) misty's conversation with caligula is emotional; she is clearly bothered by the idea that other people see her as a murderer. but caligula doesn't give her an emotional response or solution; instead, he tells her she's a "closer". he points out that, even when things are rough (i.e., even though she doesn't like how walter makes her feel), she can persevere and accomplish her goals. it is this reminder that causes misty to transition the scene to to the final piece.

and oh boy, is that final scene a goldmine. because it begins with a close-up on misty's childhood phone. the phone that becky called her on back in 1992, to tell her that she was disgusting. that no man would want her, and that she would never find "a victim" to sleep with. that moment was foundational for misty's issues, for her desire to be wanted and needed in '96, and her deep need to receive validation from men in '21. this scene is so crucial to understanding misty's relationship to comphet, because one of the key facets is wanting a man to see you as desirable, because that is a woman's value in a misogynistic society. this hits misty so especially hard because she's not just lacking interest and validation from men in school; she hasn't been getting recognition from anyone. (for her to break the black box after just a few hours of receiving positive attention? she was starving for it.)

and so walter calls her on the phone - their backs to each other, literal and emotional distance between them - and starts to tell her that he loves her. but he doesn't say the words. instead he uses morse code to send "uoyevoli": "i love you", backwards. a fascinating choice, because it could be argued that the morse code is representative of their shared love of puzzles as crime solvers. but why backwards? surely the symbolism of the puzzle connection has been satisfied by the morse code.

it's because misty doesn't want to hear "i love you." she wants the implication of walter's desire, she wants to know she has value, but she doesn't want the actual feelings. she wants him to say i love you in a way she can't feel. she wants him to call her and turn his back so she can do the same. she wants to "get the ball over the goal line" and to do that she needs this level of distance.

so this scene with walter? it isn't about walter; it's about recreating that brutal memory. it's about rewriting her past. in her fantasy, walter calls her to prove that becky was wrong, that he is choosing misty because she is desirable. that he does want her. and this is so key because this whole scene is about how walter feels. that walter wants her. in misty's "realization" that she wants to be with walter, it isn't about her feelings at all. the purple flowing line of love comes from walter, the words "i love you" - twisted as they may be - come from walter. misty's only role in her fantasy is to "sit right down" and accept her role; surrender to the fact that walter is the right choice.

and when she does, when she finally, finally comes to the end of this moment, she still doesn't interact with walter. the natural progression of a love confession is physical contact. a kiss, or a relieved embrace. misty seeks neither! in this fantasy of hers where she can have anything, she makes no effort to acknowledge walter at all. instead, she turns to caligula, representative of her real connections. and she celebrates her victory with him. misty can close this deal, can get through this decision she's made, by clinging to the people she does actually care about.

#misty quigley #yellowjackets #yellowjackets meta #yellowjackets spoilers #misty x crystal #crystal x misty #(just a little) #mistynat #(also just a little - i do think there is a specific mistynat argument to be made about caligula's similarities to nat #and an argument about misty viewing nat as a bird this season but that would need its own post) #mine #wordles #~ #meta #that fantasy scene was fucking WILD and i feel like we learned SOOOO much about misty so here's this slice of it bc misty's gay!!!! #now all that being said do i think all of this is intentional? no #but it works!! and i DO think that at least 40% of it was intentional even if they don't mean for it to be read as her being a lesbian #just her having ~issues with walter that will be unraveled soon #anti wisty #to be safe but this really isn't about him or their relationship

[2hoothoots]

It sounds like the Raz in your Villains AU would be more emotionally stunted than the proper FSAU Raz. I can imagine the Performer and Lover archetypes either didn't form to balance out the Agent archetype, or we have a Cassie situation. Maybe the Agent archetype usurped them and Raz ate his feelings.

It's not that I can't. I just find it more prudent to focus my energy elsewhere.

v!au Raz doesn't have any archetypes. he never really saw the need to develop any. what's a guy like him need a little doodle friend for? he's already a walking one-dimensional paper cutout

#future superstar agents au #villains au #also! look! first appearance of proto-agent and proto-performer #look at them they're so cute #they don't even exist in this timeline but aren't they sweet #but yeah. vau doesn't meet cassie and learn archetype projection #he probably gets taught it in the intern program a few years later #but never really clicks with the power #what do you need a tool for self-actualization for if you already know exactly who you want to be? #(he's got a few issues) #(ALSO tysm for all the other asks about this au. gonna try and get a few more responses done over the weekend) #fsau archetypes #BARELY but it counts and i want to be able to find this again