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samwhump · 1 month

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a (very inexhaustive, wincest-heavy) sam whump reclist

@transfemmesam asked me for Sam whump recs a few days ago, and I've had other requests in the same vein before (I can't imagine why.../s) so I thought I would throw this together, since these authors deserve all of the love and support for their contributions to our li'l fandom corner.

like I mentioned in the title, this is not at all a comprehensive list; I have at least ~200 more fics in my to-read queue that could thematically fit here, but alas, I have stupid shit like a job and a body and a dog to take care of, so. I'm always happy to get recs along these lines, so if you notice anything important missing, hit me UP. (and don't take any omissions as any specific commentary by me -- it's likely I just haven't had the chance to read it yet, haha.)

disclaimers:

some (most, honestly) of these contain potentially triggering and dark content, including but not limited to rape/noncon, torture, and suicidal attempts & ideation. I have tried to note content warnings where applicable, and most of the works are hosted on ao3, so the tags should have most of the information you need to make an informed decision. that being said, tread with caution. all of the summaries provided are from the original author, with warnings added after by me.

the list is in alphabetical order and separated into wincest and gen categories. a lot of the gen is also focused on the sam & dean relationship, because...I am what I am. and what I am a sucker for these two dipshits. there is also a brief section at the end with a few fics that don't fit into either category.

gen

All That Goes Unspoken by amnesiawife:

A case forces Sam to confront something long kept buried. (Set nebulously in season 12.)

CW: discussions of past rape/noncon, victim blaming

Beneath the Trees 'verse by Lise (5 works total, starting with Beneath the Trees, Where Nobody Sees):

Sam doesn't go to Stanford. Everything goes downhill from there.

CW: suicidal ideation

a boy is a cage by ad_castra:

After expelling Gadreel from Sam's body, Dean thinks they're in the clear. If only they were that lucky. // S9 fic wherein Gadreel's grace causes some adverse side-effects in Sam's mind.

CW: past referenced rape/noncon, body horror

body of proof by Askance (doomcountry):

There are things Sam hasn't told his brother. They're all in the envelope laid on Dean's pillow.

CW: heavy discussion of past rape/noncon

break these bones 'til they're better by redskyatmorning:

After Sam’s torture at the hands of the British Men of Letters, the latest in a long string of violations, he is rescued by Dean and Mary – and forced to ponder his broken relationship with his own body. Months later, when Sam is resurrected and tormented by Lucifer yet again, Dean confronts Mary and Sam gets his revenge against the devil.

catching my death (staring out an open window) by ad_castra:

Sam gazes at the window, catches the faint pink hue tinting the sky. It’s so realistic - he could breathe in the fresh air if he were really here. ----- They got Sam out. Sometimes, just knowing that isn't enough.

CW: implied past rape/noncon

Death of Convenience by WilsonTheMoose:

It should have been easy. Wendigos are no joke but daylight slows them. The weather's been unpredictable though and perfect, idyllic hunts don't exactly stay that way where they're concerned. Or Sam has one card to play and never stops to think that Dean would care if he killed himself.

CW: suicidal ideation, references to suicide

Echoes of Hell by The_Nightbreaker:

It wasn't real. He wasn't in Hell anymore. That's what he tried to tell himself over and over. But two centuries of torture don't disappear in a day. Sam struggles with visions of Hell, fighting to maintain his grip on reality. Dean hates that he can't protect his brother from what isn't real—but curse him if he doesn't try. When the boys stumble on a case with ties to the Devil himself, will they be able to pull themselves together in time to stop the sacrifices? Or will the echoes of Hell finally overtake them? Aka, season 7, but the plot is Hell trauma, not leviathans.

CW: suicidal ideation

Evening Shadows by withthekeyisking:

Sam is hallucinating the monster who tortured him for nearly two centuries, Dean feels like he's failing his brother, and a diner waitress bears witness.

CW: past rape/noncon

Everything Dies Given Time by Lise:

AU from 5.03. Sam discovers something wrong with himself, and learns to live with it. Only a lot less functional.

CW: suicide/temporary character death

The Freedom to Be Loud by jribbing:

It hadn’t occurred to Dean that maybe Sam remembered so much about that little nowhere town because something memorable had happened there.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

golgotha by redskyatmorning:

There’s a vacancy on the throne of hell, and Sam is desperate enough to save Dean from Michael’s possession to give into the abyssal depths of his own darkness.

Head Space by ameliacareful:

A witch curses Sam leaving him blind, deaf, and bedridden. Left with only the inside of his own head and the occasional touch, Sam begins to unravel.

CW: suicidal ideation

Hiraeth by inkandpaperqwerty:

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past "Dean... I made a really big mistake." For a second, Dean actually thought things were going okay. He was out of Hell, Sam agreed to stop drinking demon blood, they had just wrapped up a successful hunt... for once, everything was okay. And then it wasn't. "I overdosed." Not at all.

CW: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation

if i could leave (i would've already left) by serendipity0930:

“I have a mission from God for you,” the Angel whispers to the man. “It is time for you to do what you were born to.” The man’s face twists into a smile, delighted over being chosen by Him, a purpose from God digging into his heart, carving out a place to fester. “Hunt.” ... 05x03 AU where Zachariah is even more determined to keep the brothers apart and hunters are all too willing to take Lucifer's True Vessel off the board for good

CW: referenced suicide

It's A River (But Not In Egypt) by Lise:

He's still a liar. Maybe always has been.

CW: toxic Sam/Lucifer dynamics

Kindred Instruments by PinBitch:

They’re in a tug of war and Sam is the rope. He doesn’t need to be alive for that. OR Sam dies in detox, being flung against the walls of a metal box will do that to you. Dean and Ruby pick up the pieces.

CW: temporary main character death, permanent supporting character death

lazarus trick by katsidhe:

Sam's alive, so everything is gonna be okay. 13.22 coda.

Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence by Lise:

Sam's back. He's in one piece. That's the problem.

CW: self-harm

love is like ghosts by redskyatmorning:

I’m poison, Dean had said instead of I’m sorry. Well, Sam wants to say, what does that make me? What the hell does that make me? (A look into Sam's mind in the aftermath of the Gadreel possession.)

The Other Brother by RadioFriday:

Sam and Adam are pulled from the cage at the same time. Sam is not right, and Adam, stuck as his caretaker, is not pleased.

Oxygen by inkandpaperqwerty:

“Cas! Cas, please! Please, answer me! Cas!” Castiel ignores Dean for several minutes, but then Dean gives him an opening that might help him complete his mission. So, he goes to investigate, and what he finds is a very bloody, nearly dead Sam. Dean tells him where the injuries came from, and Castiel quickly becomes confused. It doesn't make sense, but Dean tries to explain it to him, and slowly... Castiel begins to understand.

CW: suicide attempt

Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc by AmberSock:

Sam waits, kneeling, for his execution. What if Dean hadn't missed?

CW: temporary character death

Safety In Distance by GalaxyThreads and SpiritClusters:

The Mark of Cain is a brand of violence. Sam was an idiot to think that he'd be exempt from it, just because he and Dean are siblings.

sometimes a kind of singing by adi_rotynd:

Sam gets cursed. They're dealing with it. Jack can see souls. That one they're not dealing with quite as well.

CW: past referenced rape/noncon

Soul Windows by GalaxyThreads and Spirit Clusters:

A few months after his birth, Jack learns how to see souls. Then he comes to a realization about the Winchester brothers, Sam in particular, and it's not a pleasant one. (gen)

Starry Night by keepcalmsmile:

Sam attempts suicide-by-monster. Dean tries to help. It sort of works...until it doesn't.

CW: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation

such fragile, broken things by The_Bookkeeper:

Sam wishes that Dean would just get it over with already.

The Tale of Sir Galahad by keepcalmsmile:

Sam once said he could never be clean like Sir Galahad. Dean assumed he was just talking about the demon blood. Turns out, Sam was talking about something else too. WARNING: Extended discussions of the aftermath of rape and childhood sexual abuse (but NO description of the actual events). Happy(ish) ending, but potentially very triggering.

CW: past rape/noncon, mentioned CSA

They Hammered in His Teeth by jribbing:

Sam has a secret.

CW: suicidal ideation

today's troubles (are history tomorrow) by a_good_soldier:

"It's not really something I know how to share," Sam had said. In which Dean figures he ought to help Sam out a bit.

Touch and Go by themegalosaurus:

Tag to 9.19 (Alex Annie Alexis Ann) in which Dean realises why, exactly, Sam is so angry about what happened with Gadreel.

trust fall by ad_castra:

“I’m nothing like you,” Sam hisses. Nevermind relating to the anguish of going it alone. Nevermind that he knows what it is to be strapped down and forcibly cleansed against his will. Sam wonders if these trials are purifying Crowley as well.

Words Like Glass by broken_cinders:

Dean never figured the cage wouldn't leave a mark. He was prepared for memories, flashbacks, and nightmares. He wasn't expecting the words Sam brought back with him or the way they made him seem just a breath beyond Dean's reach.

Wound and Unwound by fascra:

Sam stops eating spring of his freshman year.

CW: eating disorder

wincest (dean/sam)

Brittle by thecapn:

Sam Winchester has an eating disorder.

CW: eating disorder

Don't You Cry No More by sixtysevenlmpala (schittyfic):

The first time Sam gets badly hurt on a hunt, he doesn’t cry. Dean does.

Fall On Your Knees by dollylux:

Sam doesn't quite make it home on the last day of school before winter break.

The Fall Will Probably Kill You by killabeez:

Set between 7.04 and the aftermath of 7.07. Dean is not as okay as he'd like you to think. Neither is Sam.

CW: self-harm

Feels so good to feel again by Trojie:

The pain keeps Lucifer at bay, at least to start with.

Follow In Your Form by withthekeyisking:

Sam is hallucinating Lucifer in the wake of Cas bringing his Hell Wall crashing down. To make matters worse, it seems like this has his dormant powers flaring back to life.

Last Temptation by merle_p:

Sam is running a fever again, the kind of fever no Ibuprofen or cold compress will bring down, the kind of fever that is eating him up alive, eviscerating him from the inside. He is too hot and too cold and too pale, delirious and shaking, resonating with whatever divine energy the trials are subjecting him to, and Dean is not sure how much longer he can stand to see him be in this state. Because Sam is quite possibly dying, and there is nothing Dean can do to stop it. Because Sam is dying, and he just. Won’t. Shut. Up.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

leeches by Anonymous:

Sam discovers a spell to make everybody forget him. He’s convinced it’s for the best. Pre-Stanford.

CW: attempted kidnapping/torture

Make Thick My Blood by themegalosaurus:

“You’re going to kill me, Dean,” Sam says, eventually. And all Dean can say is, “I think I am.” A season 10 AU, set after 10x14 ('The Executioner's Song'). Cas finds a solution that might cure the Mark of Cain; but if they're going to go through with it, Sam has a terrible price to pay.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

Prophecy of an Abomination by ashitanoyuki:

Sam is kidnapped by fanatically religious hunters and crucified. Coming back from this won't be easy. Canon-divergent from midway through season 2.

Recall by De_Nugis:

Sam's having a hard time telling what's real and what isn't, especially when it comes to some voicemails from Dean.

The Room Upstairs by brokenlittleboy:

Sam comes back from hell, but he’s inside-out and all wrong, and Dean can’t fix him.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

Ruin You (and its companion fic Worth) by Mumble_Bee:

Cole fucks Sam with Demon!Dean watching from a devil's trap, snarling that anyone would dare touch what was his. “I told you I don’t care what you do to his face or his blood or his fucking nose,” Dean growled, “but you put your dick anywhere near him and I will end you.” “Better hurry up then, Dean, because I don’t think I can wait much longer.”

CW: explicit rape/noncon

Snowed In by HelloStarlingFics:

When working a case, Sam and Dean get stuck out in a shack in the woods when the snow comes in hard and fast. Trouble is, Sam’s hated the cold ever since the Cage. Time for Dean to step up and look after him.

Wake by minchout:

Gadreel has had Sam for four years, and Dean, lost in guilt and obsessed with finding a way to get his brother back, has isolated himself in a cabin in the Missouri Ozarks with nothing but the woods, a stray dog, some chickens, and all the books the Men of Letters had to offer to keep him company. Then Sam shows up one day without his passenger, and Dean learns quickly that it doesn't matter that Sam is with him again - there is still a lot of work to be done before they can find their way back to each other.

Wanting to Forget by morganaDW (morgana07):

1-shot. S1 fic. After getting Sam freed from the Benders Dean thinks all he has to cope with is some bruises and cuts. He learns quickly just how wrong he is when Sam wakes up with a nightmare, reliving his brief but bad captivity in every detail. Sam just wants to forget & Dean has to try to get him to let him help. Will one night of cruelty and pain ruin what’s been formed between them?

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

when I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place by quake_quiver:

Sam doesn’t remember the last time he cried for Dean like he did that night. And now it’s been…two weeks. Maybe more. Sam is tired, and in pain, and starting to doubt that Dean’s going to show up. He’s weak and shaking from a combination of constant pain and hunger. Sam longs for Dean. Dean would make it better. Dean would fix it.

CW: rape/noncon, body horror

Wire Inside Me by merle_p:

There are a lot of things Sam hates about his current condition, to the point where he sometimes feels for the gun under his pillow at night, blindly toys with the safety, imagines pressing the muzzle into the underside of his chin and pulling the trigger just to make it stop. But there’s nothing he hates as much as the shadows he sees in Dean’s eyes whenever his brother is looking at him these days. It’s not an expression he remembers ever seeing before, but Sam thinks it’s probably something like revulsion. Horror. Disgust. What else could it be.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon, body horror, forced pregnancy

Worth (and its companion fic Ruin You) by Mumble_Bee:

Episode 10x01 "Black" where Dean is a human, and very, very, pissed off to hear someone has hands on his brother. “It’s nothing personal,” Cole whispered into Sam's ear, too quietly for Dean to hear, “but I need to kill your brother, and I need him off his game when he gets here. I don’t wanna hurt you, kid, but I’m going to, anyway. I’m going to hurt you a lot."

CW: explicit rape/noncon

you'll never see us again by according2thelore:

Then finally, his eyes trail over to Dean. His pupils are pin-point thin, and his hair is straggling in his face so Dean can’t see most of what expression lies there. Sam usually wakes up from nightmares in one of three attitudes: confusion, fear, or calm. A scary, sense-prickling calm that Dean hates more than anything else. Resignation, almost. Or: Sam suffers from nightmares and touch starvation post-Cage. They do their best to deal.

other Sam/Lucifer noncon

Cage Fight (No Way To Do This Right) by Dyed_Red:

Sam’s visit to the cage is already going awry, but Dean’s one-man rescue ends up skidding it sideways into territory neither him or Sam are ready for. (Gratuitous episode scene re-write. If Cas hadn’t come till after, if he hadn’t been there yet when Dean ran down to the 'parole' cage after hearing Sam scream - how bad could it have got for the brothers before he made it?)

CW: graphic rape/noncon

Into Being by withthekeyisking:

When Sam wakes up in the cave on Apocalypse World after having been killed by vamps, it's not just to find Lucifer there with him. It's to find him in him.

CW: graphic rape/noncon, necrophilia, forced pregnancy

Reggie/Tim/Sam noncon

a pointless resistance for you by withthekeyisking:

Sam doesn't know how long he's been with Tim and Reggie by the time Dean shows up and tries to take him out of there. Long enough that's he's already lost one baby and is pregnant with the next. Long enough that this life is starting to feel like all he knows.

CW: graphic rape/noncon, forced pregnancy & miscarriage, victim blaming

screaming birds sound an awful lot like singing by withthekeyisking:

Sam has done his best to move past what Tim and Reggie did to him, pretending it never happened at all. But running into them again makes that very difficult—especially when Dean gets involved.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

Waste 'Em All by withthekeyisking:

When Tim and Reggie try to force the demon blood down Sam's throat, he spits it back out. He has no interest in being turned into their own personal attack dog. They don't...take it well.

CW: explicit rape/noncon

#sam winchester #sam whump #supernatural #supernatural fic rec #wincest

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hanyjar · 1 year

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do stars return?

itoshi sae x reader

summary: your childhood friend leaves, and you question if he’ll ever come back.

notes: [1.2k words.] i like to think this man has super angst potential but that won’t be unearthed today LOL no beta we die like men <3

disclaimers: childhood friends trope, angst (if u squint) to fluff, making out for a lil bit, poetic dialogue, forgiveness theme.

masterlist.

Itoshi Sae shines.

It's a truth you've come to realise at the budding age of seven. He, with his tepid stature and equally cold attitude, is destined for greatness.

A star, you whisper, once upon a time. A time where he lived without a million eyes watching his every move. You will become a star, I just know it.

And back in the day, it wasn't just you who believed it. Everyone did. From his teachers to his classmates, to his parents and his brother. It was an indisputable fact that the boy who dedicated himself wholly to soccer, a prodigy who made the sport look like an art form, had his future set out for stardom.

So it is no surprise to anyone when your naive declaration comes into fruition.

His face is plastered on every billboard - as far as the eye can see. Japan's pride, he is known as. The Ice Prince; he who dominates the field; a force to be reckoned with.

Itoshi Sae: the star.

You are proud. No doubt. Though, it’s false to say that you aren’t envious. Sae is a trailblazer: one that surpasses all of his enemies with a nonchalant stare, and transcends into the sky with the other geniuses. He is a part of the lucky few who are destined to be gazed upon with awe. Everything and anything you have achieved pales in comparison.

(You’d surely hear reprimands if you voice those thoughts out loud, though. In your time, you have made a name for yourself. An expert in your passion at the mere age of seventeen; a trailblazer in your own right.

…It’ll just never compare to the name Sae built for himself, you think with finality.)

But above the awe and envy you feel whenever Sae’s name comes up, is love.

Love: a trap that is inevitable for a childhood friend of his. A pitfall that you have fell into. Your love for him is a bittersweet fact, one which tugs at your heartstrings whenever his face shows up on your phone. Sweet, because childhood love is a beautiful, rare thing - you’re glad that it has happened, in all honesty - though bitter all the same, because he is a star.

And stars shoot past. They never go back.

(He, will never go back.)

So for the years that Sae is gone, you float by on that knowledge. Merely acknowledging him as the one who crashed into your life, and left as turbulently as he came. You work diligently to mute the love that festered in your heart, knowing it will never be.

You wholeheartedly believe that your life will continue in this fashion.

Then, the impossible happens.

The star returns, seven years later. On your doorstep, nonetheless.

"Itoshi?"

Somehow, even in the ungodly hour of 12:56AM, Sae manages to look as beautiful as the day he left. It's unfair. Unfair for him to show up at your doorstep unannounced; unfair for him to have grown into his boyish looks as gracefully as he did.

It’s unfair for him to still make your heart race, even after all this time.

"Who else would it be?" He scoffs, the bite of his words not quite reaching his eyes. "And, Itoshi, seriously?"

His voice makes your heart leap. It's like you are ten again. "Well… You haven't been Sae for a while now," you say. "Not since you ghosted me, anyways."

Sae's eyes flicker with an emotion you thought he is incapable of feeling. "I didn't mean to." Regret. The Ice Prince is feeling regret, all for you. And if you were ten again, maybe that alone would shake you. But you aren't. You are several years wiser. You know better.

"It's fine if you want to be the best in the world. I don't blame you for that - not at all. But you can be number one and not neglect the ones that love you, y'know?" You slowly retreat back into the comfort of your apartment, hand creeping onto the back of the door. "Goodnight, Itoshi. You should go home; it's late."

You push the door, preparing to end the conversation then and there.

It’s not supposed to be like this, you realise. He, your first love, is supposed to stay in the past. Itoshi Sae should not be at your doorstep past midnight, suitcase in tow, as if he came straight from the airport to your house. The feelings you hold for him should be locked up within the depths of your heart - not surging in full force from just the sight of him.

But alas, fate plays its mischievous tricks once again. And Sae is not the type of person who lets blunders get away scot-free.

"…You love me?” He says, barely above a whisper, foot wedged between the door and the entrance. An impenetrable silence follows from your end.

Seven years older, but still a fool in the face of love, it seems.

“I did,” I still do, your mind yells. “But you’re a star now, Sae. Just like I said you would be.” Your breath hitches, nails forming crescent-shaped indents within your palm. “…And stars don’t fall in love with the big, black sea of nothingness, do they?”

A beat of silence ensues from his end. You cringe at your own word choice. Maybe he left, you think. Great. Itoshi Sae was at your door, and you scared him away with your stupid love and even stupider confession. How stupid can you even get—

The door hinge creaks as you topple over, shattering your inner turmoil. Sae announces his intrusion with a loud sigh.

“Hey! What are you?— This is considered trespassing—“ You begin. Sae shuts you up with a forceful kiss, pinning you against the door that you were hiding behind minutes before. It’s messy, tantalising, addicting. The smell of his aquatic cologne fills your senses, and he cups your face in between his hands. He feels so warm. He feels like home.

Sae’s whole body screams of need. The need for you; the need to make up for the lost time.

You hate how you are so weak for him.

“Idiot.” He deadpans as the two of you part. “If you’re going to get all poetic on me, fine. Stars don’t fall in love with the galaxy.”

You remove yourself from his arms, eyes scrunching in offence. Bold thing for him to say, especially after he just kissed your lips raw. “So… You’re not in love with me?”

“Let me finish.” Sae is quick to pull you back into his embrace, voice impossibly soft for the otherwise stone-faced boy. “Stars don’t fall in love with the sky. They live in it; I live with you.”

Sae hopes that the implication is clear.

You, alone, are his hope; you are the reason he sparkles as much as he does. Even while you were miles apart, his childhood friend was the sole thing on his mind. A star cannot shine without its galaxy, after all.

“You’re not off the hook, by the way.” You breathe lightly, laying your head against his chest. “Seven years is still a long time. I don’t think you can cuddle your way out of this one, Itoshi.”

A small smile elicits from his face, “I can try, can’t I?”

…And this star is willing to wait for his galaxy to forgive him, no matter how long it takes.

#blue lock x reader #itoshi sae x reader #sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #itoshi sae #blue lock #blue lock sae #blue lock imagines #blue lock fanfic #itoshi sae x you #itoshi sae x y/n #blue lock collection !#honey pot !

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doraambrose · 3 months

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I see this alot in fanon and I think jason Todd's parents are completely misunderstood.

Disclaimer: I am not a victim of parents with drug abuse nor have a I ever done drugs. I sympathize and emphasize with people who struggle with drug abuse as there are many reasons to get into it and it's very hard on your body to get clean, I will link help organizations below. This does mean that I can be a little ignorant to the struggles so if I say anything offensive or wrong, please call me out and educate me so I don't make the same mistake

Jason's family has been retconned so many times, it's hard to keep it straight. But this is my headcannon based on what I've seen:

1. I feel like a lot of people write Willis Todd to be this awful abusive scumbag who hated his kid and his wife. If you are talking about young justice or arkhamverse, this canonically true, but I think that's far from the truth in the main universe, prime or whatever it's called. In batman 411, jason is clearly distraught by Willis' death and does try to avenge him by lashing out at Two face. We also can't forget about the incident with the penguin that led to the worst Bruce and jason characterization before gotham war. And that's because of one rhato issue where jason finally reads willis' letters (a truly heartbreaking issue: rhato rebirth 23)

I believe that Willis wasn't a bad dad. Not a good dad, but not an awful abusive one. I 100% believe he has never abused his family in this universe. And you know what, he wasn't a great person. He was a drug dealer and then a henchmen. But he CARED. He cared about his family. He tried so hard to provide for Catherine and Jason for their medical bills, food, shelter. He just had a poor upbringing and some real shit luck, trying to survive in poverty in Gotham city.

2. Catherine has been written in fanon to be a perfect caring mother who was nothing but a victim. I believe that she wasn't as good of a mother and a person as people make her out to be. And we haven't seen everything, but I believe this because she seems selfish. She seems to put herself and her drug addiction before her family, doesn't seem to even try to get clean or take care of jason or provide. Look at these panels:

She neglected Jason. He had to go out and put his life on the line day after day when it should've been the other way around. Jason was a kid. And don't get me wrong, she probably loved jason and had good intentions, no, she definitely loved him, or else jason wouldn't canonically think as highly of her and take care of her the way he did, but she wasn't perfect and I don't think she was as good of a mother as she's made out to be.

3. Canonically, jason seems to really care for Catherine, but not Willis. I have a theory about that. For why he thinks so highly of catherine: I've never had a parent who suffered from drug abuse, but I do have a parent who suffered from a lot of mental health issues like depression, diagnosed, and I feel like bpd, though it was never diagnosed. When things were bad, they were BAD. I witnessed a lot. But when things were good, things were REALLY GOOD. I feel like when Catherine would come off the drug haze, things were like that. She probably took care of him during those times and was loving and all that. Catherine is the one parent figure Jason has to hold onto (because of all the shit with Bruce, Sheila, etc.). He forcibly removes the bad shit she's done and hangs onto the good things she's done because she really did care about him and in life, it seems harder to hate your mom than your dad (from what i have heard when i did research on this from friends). I've done that for years, and idk if I'm explaining it right, but I think that's the best way I can. For why he doesn't love willis: I think up until he read the notes, he didn't have the full picture. From his perspective, willis leaves to do crime and then eventually gets caught and left forever. I think he blamed willis for making jason become "the man of the house" and have all this extra responsibility. Willis also strikes me as the type of parent who has trouble expressing feelings, so jason probably rarely, if ever, heard "I love you" from his dad. Willis also strikes me as the person who would believe that he needs to make his son stronger in order to survive, and there are a lot of parents like that, especially parents from a low income household or a history of poverty.

In conclusion, both parents were FAR from perfect parents, but they're not as evil or as innocent as people write them in fanon. They're just...people. fanon likes to write comic people as black or white, innocent or abusive, but in reality, It's a gray area. Willis had his flaws, I hc him as one of those old fashioned kind of dads who wants his son to be tough and strong and isn't good with sharing his feelings, but does truly care about his family and NEVER was abusive. Catherine was a mother who definitely cared about her family, but wasn't an innocent victim and had her own flaws.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted talk

#jason todd #red hood #batfam #dc universe #dc comics #rhato rebirth #rhato #catherine todd #willis todd #batman #two face #dc penguin

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aethelwyneleigh27 · 10 months

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Ghostface! Ellie Williams and Ghostface! Abby Anderson with a chubby fem s/o

+ featuring some slight yandere and explicit themes (these are dating headcanons to specify)

A/n: Hi again lovelies! I didn't expect the last one to blow up so quickly so I'm back to writing, honestly every note, like and reblog encourages me to do more and do better so thank you for that. I honestly didn't expect to write something a bit gory after writing mostly fluff so this'll be interesting. Reminder English is not my first language and I'm trying my best, I hope you enjoy:)

I'll possibly add more in the future if I have ideas :3

Meet my cousin y'all: @rabblebite

Disclaimers/Warnings: Slight yandere like behavior???, violence, gore, knife kink, gun kink, stalking, suggestive themes and language. Characters may be a bit OOC (but you already know this, it's ghostface)(the chubby part is just a little add on so there's actually not that many headcanons regarding that)

If you wish to be tagged, please comment that you want to be or follow so that you'll be updated also: Rules for requests

If you don't want to send requests through Tumblr, my Instagram is always an option.

Ellie Williams dating inspired playlist made by me

Ellie Williams

The first time you met Ellie was a bit of a blur. Let me elaborate...

You were new at the school, first day and all that cliche shit. Bell rings, you run to class. You found yourself in a seat next to a girl, auburn hair and freckles. A few times throughout the class you made eye contact and smiled a few times.

What you didn't know was that Ellie was already freaking out, can you really blame her? A pretty girl sits next to her and smiles at her, not only that but you even offered her a mechanical pencil because hers was flimsy and the led kept breaking on her. She thought you completely forgot about the pencil but did you really?

This was the start of her obsession over you.

After that day she stalked you non-stop, she knew everything. She even kept a small journal, writing down what you did and how she felt about it after.

Her sketchbooks were filled with you, aside from a few other things it was mostly you. There's at least 2-3 doodles on each page of either you or your name on her sketchbook.

May or may not have carved your initials on her guitar before you even started dating.

That mechanical pencil you gave her, she kept it, barely even used it after that so she can keep something of yours.

When she managed to get enough courage to talk to you again, she tried giving you the pencil back in guilt but you refused. You told her to keep it and did that woman worship that pencil.

You got invited to her friend group, which are Dina and Jesse and out of all of them, she hang out with you the most.

After a while, Ellie felt confident enough to ask you out and a sigh of relief for her when you said yes.

She has polaroid of you lying around everywhere in her room, you even stuck some on the edge of your mirror and locker so she'd see it.

Your pet names including: princess, bunny, sweet thing and pretty girl.

The night you found out Ellie was Ghostface was the time you were walking at the street just minding your business when you were pulled in an alleyway but some creepy 50 something year old hobo.

You kicked him off of you and tried to run and the man tried to chase after you. Only to have his mouth covered by a white cloth and stabbed in the back. Hastily running, you got pulled back by the black cloaked stranger and before you could scream, she took off her mask.

"Ellie?" You whisper in fear, you saw her drop her knife and hug you.

You were still in shock, after all you just found out your girlfriend killed someone, rather a lot of people.

"[Name]? Are you alright? He didn't touch you anywhere did he?" She asked, seemingly forgetting she was still wearing her ghostface get up. Lucky for you that you kicked him off before anything else happened.

You two talked it out and you understand her motive behind all of the killings however that doesn't take away from the fact that you're terrified of what consequences await her if she was ever to get caught.

Ellie is aware of what might happen when she gets caught so she does everything she can to make sure you are not in any way, shape or form involved if she was caught.

Even if it means for her to forever rot in prison, she'd rather keep you away than endanger you for being a witness or even a suspect.

She heard about you being flirted with and inappropriately touched by some Chad. After a few days he was spotted, gutted open at the school tree hanging by his clothes.

She'd definitely think it's adorable to see you with the ghostface get up, it's specifically tailored to her size so seeing it on you with the trim dragging on the ground makes her thing of like the ghost costumes with just a white blanket and she just thinks you're such an angel, too pure even.

I just can't stop imagining her with a knife kink, though she doesn't actually cut you with it. She loves the way you whimper and squirm when she presses the cold blade on your plush skin.

She gets off on blood, that being said once she's with you and you already know about the killings, she can't just let it slide.

Someone else's blood on your skin makes her feel all sorts of things. (You may or may have engaged in sexual things after her gutting people up)

Clean up after that is a bit of work so there's that.

Seeing you in lingerie and blood would make her lose all self control.

If you were to accidentally kill someone, she would not only help you clean up but she'll also take responsibility for the kill. She made it look like ghostface did it.

If you were to decide to join in the killings, she'd let you but with moderation.

For example she'll let you make the decision on who to kill or strategize the killings. Before you could even suggest someone who wronged you, they're already 6ft under believe me. Ellie easily picks up on how you feel about someone and it's not like you don't tell her.

She'd also let you watch the killings, either hidden or disguised but that's just how far she'll go. She doesn't want you to actually be the one to do the killing cause she's too paranoid you'll do something that'll cause you to get caught.

Abby Anderson

You met at the basketball court while you were sitting at the bleachers because let's be real here, Abby is a total jock and athlete, she seems like she'd be a gym rat too. (Without the red flags of one though)

You were sitting with your friends Dina and Jesse while you guys just catched up since the past week has been hectic, you even went so far as to gossip and think of conspiracies on who has been responsible for the reported killings by the killer they named ghostface. You looked at your phone, looking at the messages when you flinched, almost getting hit by a ball.

You open your eyes shortly to see Abby Anderson, the school's lesbian jock, who by the way is holding the ball that almost hit you. Anderson muttered an apology on behalf of her teammate who mistakenly threw the ball at your direction.

You told her it was fine and that it was and honest mistake when you know damn well you would've been far more upset if that ball actually hit you.

Abby just couldn't stop staring at you, I mean could you blame her? She felt like a knight and shinning armour when she just saved a pretty girl from a potential head injury.

She snapped back to reality when she heard her teammate say "Hey Anderson! Stop flirting with pretty girls and pass that ball back will you" Abby was a bit flustered by that comment because all and all she agreed to it.

On Abby's desk is carved your name and initials, she has gotten detention over it though I don't think the school is aware of how many desks have your name carved on them.

It took a while but Abby finally did ask you out, she approached you while you were taking a few things out of your locker. "So uhh, do you want to go out with me? On a date I mean..." She asked with her hand rubbing her neck, Abby was bracing herself for rejection.

You had to do a bit of a double take because the Abby Anderson is asking you out? You said yes obviously.

May or may not have stalked you before asking you out to find out everything you like to set up the perfect date.

Abby definitely has a polaroid of you both is her locker and gym locker. (There's one in her wallet too 🥺)

Your nicknames are: my cheerleader (because she knows damn well you've been to all her games and was there to cheer her on), baby, babe and pretty girl

You only found out that she's ghostface because she couldn't take it anymore and told you after seeing that you're scared of ghostface potentially threatening your life.

Poor baby was so worried you'd think insane if her after, let's just say she ended up loving you more for accepting the fact and understanding the reason behind the killings. (let's be real here any normal person would but not you)

When you first asked to play a part in the killings, Abby disagreed, no way in hell was she letting her girl be in danger both of the police and whatever else is out there.

She hates the idea of you going to jail more than she hates the idea of getting caught and facing the consequences.

But if you really want to then like Ellie she'd let you but with limitations. You're only ever allowed to watch when you are disguised and she'll let you stab a few every now and then.

Abby with a gun kink, Abby with a gun kink, Abby with a gun kink. Watch her get turn on when you flinch from the clicks whenever she pulls the trigger.

Despite Abby hating horror movies, she sure made a hell of a good killer.

#ellie williams x reader #abby anderson x reader #fluff #x reader #x you #ellie williams headcanons #abby anderson headcanons #tlou abby #tlou ellie #tlou #the last of us fanfiction #ellie williams x chubby reader #abby anderson x plus size reader #lesbian #wlw #ellie williams x plus size reader #ghostface #ghostface au #Aethelwyne Lia writes

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jesterwriting · 6 months

Note

(for that timeloop post,, uhm this relates to the whole body horror thing ((not too much just a brief mention)) so if rn u don't wanna see that SCROLL AWAY!!! OR DELETE ME!! OK disclaimer ends here)

oh man but what if Law did say room anyway and there were impossible scars on your insides... like littered everywhere, they're not fresh but old, almost phantoms that make no sense, because if they were real you would've died. how would he react to that? maybe not when he noticed them crying but after weeks or months, dunno, where they keep skipping his more thorough check-ups (where he uses his devil fruit) since they're anxious about the pains? and think that somehow there are signs of their previous deaths and the mention of them makes it hurt more and more and they just can't do it. but they can't bring themselves to say it because who could possibly believe them? if Law doesn't, it would just feel even worse, won't it? even if they understand his point of view. maybe they even die in front of him and it gets harder to just hold all of that in,,, oh boy. if you think about continuing your oneshot i'll eat it like a starving animal!

pairing: law x gn!reader

contents: slight body horror, slight gore, timeloops, suicide done to restart the loop, hurt/comfort, happy ending,

word count: 1.6k words

note: OHHHHH I LOVED THIS IDEA OH MY GOD. absolutely so smart. anon your mind is huge and i had so much fun doing this request. <33 i really hope you enjoy :33

playlist: caribou - tanya tagaq

a sister fic to this

This had never happened before. You had experienced hundreds of loops, maybe even thousands, and this was the first time Law saw fit to scan you with his Devil Fruit.

Maybe you were getting sloppy. You had a strong immune system so you never got sick, and the first time Law scanned you for your general checkup upon joining the crew, there was nothing of note. You wondered what changed, as if you hadn’t died more times since you joined his crew than you had in your entire life. Maybe it was because the more you suffered, the more reckless you became, throwing yourself into the fray with little regard for yourself. You could take a bullet for your crewmates, so you would. It was as simple as that.

There was a first time for everything, you supposed. A first death, a first breath, a first kill; there were uncountable firsts that one could experience, and you had experienced most of them.

Not this one, though.

You had tried to avoid it for as long as possible. Your captain was a man who carried burdens, ones almost as heavy as the ones on your shoulders. If he knew how many times he failed you — or how many times you failed him — you knew he would take all the blame for himself. As if you hadn’t been the one lying, and fighting, and dying over the course of countless lifetimes.

Law blinked a few times before his brows furrowed and his eyes narrowed. You fidgeted under his stare. If his reaction was anything to go by, he found something horribly wrong with you. While you had experienced slow deaths before, you had never experienced what it felt like to waste away from disease. Maybe you’d find out this loop, you thought, trying to feel nonchalant about the idea and not like you were about to throw up.

“Um. What’s wrong,” You tried.

Law shushed you, the blue glow from his room still surrounding you. You bit your tongue, fingers playing with the hem of your shirt to try and take your mind off of whatever he could have found.

“This can’t be right,” He muttered, one hand cradling his chin. He pointed to your chest. “There’s a scar inside of you, it looks like a puncture wound through your lungs. When did that happen?”

Three loops ago when you fell off a building and onto some rebar. That was a particularly awful death. The last thing you remembered before everything went black was Law’s panicked expression as he tried to put you back together again. There was terror in his eyes. You tried not to think about that part.

“And here,” Law continued, pointing to your abdomen. “There’s a scar running across the length of your stomach. It almost looks as if you were previously disemboweled.”

You had been. Multiple times. It was a common and very disturbing loop ender that you tried to avoid if you could. Watching your organs fall out of you in a steaming heap was never something you liked to experience, but for some reason, your opponents kept aiming for the gut. You wished they’d aim for the heart or the head more often. At least then it’d be quick.

He didn’t stop there, jaw falling open when he stared directly where your heart was. “When were you stabbed, Y/N-ya, this looks recent.” Law blinked a few times before realization dawned on his features. His eyes shot to your face, expression going from open to unreadable in seconds. “How did you survive without my intervention?”

Your mouth was dry. How were you supposed to respond? There was no way you could tell him that you had died on his watch more times than you could count. Law didn’t deserve that. Your captain was a good man, one you loved admired far too much to allow this to weigh him down. He would take your failures to heart, completely discounting the amount of times that he had saved you from having to start anew.

You must have been quiet for too long because Law was speaking again. “Answer me.”

“It’s from a long time ago,” You said.

That was a lie. It was from the previous loop. A quick death by your own hand over the cold corpse of your captain. If Law didn’t survive, there was no point in continuing, and if there was one thing you had grown accustomed to, it was taking your own life after one loss too many. You knew how to make it quick, no suffering. So with a precise hand, you drove your knife into your chest and let the timeline begin anew.

When you saw Law again, whole and alive, you vomited. You were under the impression that he believed that you simply ate some bad seafood, but from the concern that was slowly etching its way onto his features, you weren’t so sure of that now.

“Don’t lie to me.” Law’s eyes flashed, barely contained frustration needling at the corners of him. “None of this makes any sense, half of these injuries should have killed you. The other half would have needed to be treated.”

The truth sat on the tip of your tongue. You felt selfish and needlessly cruel for your desire to tell Law what was really happening. Your eyes burned, and their glassy sheen didn’t go unnoticed. Law handed you a tissue, expression softening.

“I- um.” You hated how your voice cracked. It had been a long time since you told someone about your Devil Fruit. You always died, and they always forgot. For a long time, you thought it was better that way, carrying this weight on your own. The way Law looked at you, though, it made you want to pour your soul out to him. Every pain, every loss, every death lain at his feet, and for once, you could stand unburdened. “It’d be wrong of me to tell you.”

Law’s eyebrows knit together. “Now you’re being stupid.”

“No, I’m not. You’ll regret asking once you know. Don’t pretend like you don’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, you don’t deserve my troubles on top of that. It’s better for both of us if you just forget what you saw.”

With that, you stood and made to brush past Law and out of the room. He grabbed you by the shoulder, not allowing you to go any farther. Though his grip was firm, it didn’t hurt. If you really wanted to, you could wrench yourself away from him.

“You’re trembling.”

Your lower lip wobbled, your resolve ebbing away by the second. “It’s complicated.”

“So tell me.” Law’s lips twitched upwards ever so slightly. “Doctor’s orders.”

You let out a small huff. He didn’t deserve this, but there would always be another loop. This current one hadn’t been going so well, and by your estimation, it would take at least three more before you managed to reach your next checkpoint. It wouldn’t hurt to tell Law what he inevitably wouldn’t remember. You steadied yourself with a deep breath and turned to face him, his eyes met yours with a mix of concern and exasperation.

“It’s my Devil Fruit,” You started. Law leaned back on his heels and crossed his arms, attention solely on you. Your heart thundered in your chest. “I’ve died so many times.” Without your permission, your breath hitched. Law’s hand encircled your own with a small squeeze, encouraging you to continue. “It, um, brings me back, I guess. I’ll die, and then wake up in the bunkhouse days earlier, and I’ll be the only one who remembers what happened. All those scars you saw were what killed me in a previous loop.”

He was silent while he chewed on his words.

“How many times have you died since you joined my crew,” Law finally asked.

Your hand was still in his and you gave it a squeeze. “That’s not fair. I know what you’re doing and I won’t let you do it.”

Law’s shoulders slumped as he brought his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I believe you. It explains a lot. I noticed you cry in your sleep sometimes.”

“You watch me sleep?” The tips of Law’s ears were tinged pink while you laughed.

“I was worried so I checked on you.” With a sigh, he began to lead you out of the clinic to his office. “Come on, you’re telling me everything you can remember. We’re going to come up with a plan.”

Humoring him, you followed close on his heels. It didn’t matter how long or how hard you planned, there was no accounting for the unpredictability of the universe. This comfort wouldn’t last long. Soon, you would be dead again and the cycle would start anew. That didn’t mean you couldn’t enjoy sharing a space with your captain, listening to him meticulously craft tactics to keep you, and everyone else, alive.

It wasn’t until four days later you found yourself breathing, though covered head to toe in blood, with the rest of the crew. Everyone was safe and sound, and Law wouldn’t stop looking at you with a smirk on his face. When you found yourself next to him, he bumped his shoulder against yours.

“I told you my plan would work.”

Just like that, for the first time in your life, you were no longer alone.

#one piece x reader #trafalgar law x reader #trafalgar law x yn #trafalgar law x you #.jesterwrites #rezero fans you know whats up

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annetictac · 4 months

Text

As you wish CL16

Summary: Charlie helps you out when batteries run out. One - shot.

Warnings: smut below.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything F1 or CL related, this fic is for fun!

It was silly really.

She’d been so frustrated, so sexually deprived that she had run to her room not locking the door. Then her trusted companion, the little bullet vibrator that could get her off under 5 minutes had decided enough was enough and it slowly died on her before giving her release.

She really had to begin reading all those mediating, calming books she had piled next to her bed. She’d been so annoyed by the timing of the bullet demise that she had thrown it to the wall, hitting a lamp, making it break and fall loudly on the floor. And also, the quick unplanned movement - from her unstable one leg up position, dress wrinkled up, panties still hanging from the upper leg - had finished to unbalance her making her also fall loudly.

It had taken less than a minute for Charles to barge in, without knocking of course.

“Are you ok?” he’d asked, his lovely innocent green eyes looking for any sign of harm quickly before they jumped to look to the ceiling once he realized her panties – black lace, he noticed – were not on. They both had the decency to blush wildly.

“I – I-“ she began stammering, quickly closing her legs and pulling her panties up. And before she could think further. “Sorry, my vibrator broke and I threw it against the wall, bad aim, bad-”

“It broke?” he interrupted, his eyes meeting hers again, still a little blush remaining over his cheeks. She blushed furiously.

“Not like that! Batteries run out,” she stood, smoothing the flowy fabric of her skirt to cover what it could of her upper legs. She noticed Charles’ pretty eyes followed her hands in movement.

“Did you at least get off?” he dropped without thinking, keeping the red on her cheeks.

“N-no,” she mumbled, brushing her hair behind her ears. “Hence, the violence…”

“Do you want me to help?”

She blamed their sheer bluntness on the ridiculousness of their situation. They were friends. The’d been friends for a long time and not once had he given her any sign that he regarded her as anything but. In fact, every time someone would confuse her for his inexistent sister, he would always avoid to deny it.

She stood there for what felt like hours, but was probably a couple of seconds and it wasn’t until she saw him physically give a step back that something snapped her into action.

“Sure!”

It was unclear to know if they both felt the need to act so quickly before the bravado ran out. Both met in the middle before Charles grabbed the ends of her dress, his fingertips brushing her legs slightly. Giving her shivers and heating her centre surprisingly quickly.

“I-“ Before he could say anything, her hands went quickly to grab his neck and she helped her self on her tips to kiss him. Bless him for his quick reaction times. In less than a second his big hands grabbed her naked ass from under her dress to flush her against him. “Fuck…” he muttered against her neck as he dropped wet kisses and licks around her collarbone.

“Fuck…” she agreed nodding slightly as she leaned her neck back to grant him access. She thanked the makers of her dress for buttons that opened too easily as he pressed down and down into her chest. She sighed when he sat bringing her into his lap, putting pressure to the apex of her long legs. She rolled her hips brushing her pussy against the costures of his jeans. Frustration beginning to build.

And then nothing. He felt his strong arms pushing her away from where she wanted him.

“Patience, love,” he muttered as he finished taking her dress off, pushed completely away her soaking panties. She didn’t wait for him to open her bra’s lock, quickly discarding it on the floor. His hands had been grabbing her ass cheeks, probably leaving red marks in their wake. He paused, taking her in and slowly closing his eyes, he gave her a kiss over her belly button, his fingers moving forward ‘til they found her folds. She hissed, her hand jumping to his strong neck.

“Charlie,” she whispered in awe as her eyes slipped closed, she leaned her weight into his knees as she stood in front of him as he explored her softly. “I’m going to need way more than a finger to come, darling,” she muttered, her fingers threading into his brown locks, nails scratching him, as he entered further in his exploratory index and took it out completely. She opened her eyes confused to watch him suck his own finger.

“I’m going to need you to lay down,” he instructed, sucking again on his finger. That image would be on her top three she would need in the future to touch herself. He smirked and didn’t wait for her to move, he pushed her into bed, as he laid on his side, mouth near hers. “If I’d known you tasted this good, I would have barged into your room a lot sooner…” he whispered, making her flush again, as he returned his finger into position and placed a second one as his thumb lazily toyed with her clit. She sighed in content, as he picked up the pace. “Tell me how you want me love,” he kissed her lower jaw, his fingers not loosing pace. She looked at him, her eyes drawn into his pretty lips. Her thoughts must have showed because he grinned widely. “As you wish,” he said giving her a quick peck before changing positions, opening her legs, raising one over his shoulders. Fuck his shoulders. She felt the first wave of her orgasm arriving when his tongue began dancing over her clit. It took her little to crash but instead of stopping he slowed his space and rode her wave with her.

Once he felt her relaxing, he picked up the pace until she reached a second one too easily. When she was younger she would have been embarrassed, now she knew better. She sighed his name, moaned and pushed her feet ‘til his shoulders. She could swear she felt him grinning as he continued to leak her climax away.

“Charlie,” she called lazily as she felt herself relax for the second time. She pushed his face away softly, rubbing her wetness from his lips with her thumb. He climbed ‘til he was on top of her before kissing her sloppily. It was then she noticed he was unfairly fully dressed.

“You look so pretty like this, love,” he mumbled into her lips. “So pretty,” he repeated as his hand held her jaw before kissing her fully. She felt her belly filling with butterflies while she returned his kiss with enthusiasm. She felt the tension in his jeans but before she could release him, he said. “I would have offered to find you batteries sooner,” he mumbled to her lips. She frowned confused.

“What?” He blinked at her confusion.

“I was offering to help you find new batteries for your toy,” he explained. She flushed red in embarrassment and she was tempted to flee in shame but his strong arms held her in place. “I think I liked your idea of help much better than mine!”

#f1 2023 #charles leclerc #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x female oc #bestfriends au #smut #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc imagines #charles leclerc fanfic #cl16 #cl16 one shot

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leconcombrerit · 2 months

Text

A warm hug to Non, or when are we going to stop demanding perfection from victims

It's been forever since I thought about making this post but I've finally decided to write the goddamn thing.

Three disclaimers : one, I haven't yet managed to get past the first third of episode 9, so this whole thing is based on episodes 1-8 at best. Two, I'll block on sight again if I see victim blaming on this post. Finally, I'm by no means an expert on the subject. It's complex, I might get things wrong and I'll have to oversimplify at times for clarity and brevity's sake, please don't kill me for it. It's probably gonna be long enough as it is. I've tried my best to organize my thoughts in a way that would make sense, but. Well. I hope it does.

Trigger warning for mention of suicide, bullying, grooming, sexual assault, rape

Non started as the poor little baby everyone wanted to protect -both the audience and Jin ; for all the shit he got after filming Non and Keng, there are a lot of parallels to draw between him and the audience. Then the dreaded episode 7 happened and all hell broke loose. I won't include screenshots of the disgusting things I read from some viewers about Non, but Jin's reaction is pretty telling already.

The easy explanation would be that he's mad Non isn't returning his feelings, but I think it has more to do with Non not fitting his 'good victim' role anymore. There's sadness on his face, but the dominants are anger and betrayal. Non tries to regain agency and gets crucified for it.

So what's a good victim ?

Non, basically

If you want an examplary blueprint of what society defines as a good victim and survivor, someone worth justice, defending and loving, just take a look at Non. I broke it down in four marks that need to be checked :

-Innocence : none of the person's action prompted the abuse -Moral high ground : the person has values and displays kindness -Helplessness : the person cannot do anything about the situation they're stuck in -Accepting to be saved : self-explanatory. The person has to accept the help that's offered to them, traditionally by a love interest

Non is abused for being poor, something he's not responsible for. He's hardworking, honest, passionate about the things he loves and commits to his engagements. He's kind when talking with Jin. He's resilient in the face of the gang's bullying. None of what he could do or say would make it stop, neither can he help owing Por for a camera he hasn't broken nor get out of Tee's pyramid scheme. His mental illness only increases this impression of vulnerability. Jin doesn't have all these elements, but he's got more than enough to paint a very similar picture of Non as the audience.

As for accepting help, Jin repeatedly offers some -and Non finally lets him in during their conversation on the rooftop. What Jin offers may be little but it's still help ; Non smiles and even gives Jin a shove -what I think is the only time he initiates contact with Jin at all.

"Thank you so much, Jin, for helping me all along." "It's alright, I'm glad to. I just want to see you smile again, Non."

The audience gets even more of Non being happy and grateful to be saved : he calls his "♥" contact for help multiple times, smiles at the reminder to take his meds and, later on, clings to Phee for dear life after trying to kill himself. He doesn't fight him, he doesn't reach for the scattered pills. Hell, even accepting Tee's offer to make money could count as Non agreeing to be saved by everyone around him.

Non checks all the marks. Everyone in the audience is rooting for him, the other boys can all go get impaled on a branch, and Jin looks at him like he hung and lit all the stars in the sky.

Speaking of the other boys...

Tee and Por victims as well but don't get the same amount of sympathy, if any. Tee isn't responsible for being stuck in a criminal environment and can't get out of it ; no one has offered help, so he gets a pass. But he's been shown to be selfish, opportunist, often cowardly and sometimes gratuitously cruel.

As for Por, it's even worse : every actions he takes seems to confirm his dad's opinion of him. The only mark he ticks is accepting to be saved by his mother, which looks very bad taken on its own. I made a post about Por not too long ago if you want more.

The only way for them to redeem themselves and go from 'horrible people who should die' to 'maybe they don't suck they're my poor little meow meows' is penitence. Take Por ; he's the archetype of the rich son who gets abused by his dad and suffers from having so much money. Just like Kang in Dangerous Romance, or Tanthai in Laws of Attraction. Tee ? I don't have names from the top of my head, but he's that hardened jaded guy stuck in a mafiosi network who has to learn to love and be loved again (enters White). Yet the audience learnt to root for these characters.

Basically, nothing is set in stone. Your status as a good or bad victim can shift depending on your actions and the way they're framed. The usual narrative is to get those characters to grow into the acceptable victim pattern. DFF however is going for reverse development (Non, Jin) or stagnation (Por, Tee, Fluke). It makes for gritty yet very realistic storylines ; and while I'm the first to yell that the masked figures should get their ass stat, I also recognize that there's much more complexity to them than this. Except Top. I have yet to come up with a good explanation for what they're doing with Top, but I will at some point.

How did Non fall from grace if he's such a good example ?

Three points : Phee, the paradox of the demand for Non to seek agency but not too much, and his inacceptable betrayal.

Phee as a magnifying factor

I love this kid to bits but Phee's appearance in the flashbacks concurs with Non's flawless image being torn to shreds for a reason. He's a good, strong and caring person who loves and tries to protect Non -something the audience has wanted to do for weeks ; so we all gathered behind Phee and made him our emissary, carrying out the impossible task outsiders to the series' world couldn't : saving Non.

Since Phee voices the questions and concerns of the audience, we are Phee to an extent. Betraying Phee means betraying the hope and love and care the audience has for Non. Phee is the series' moral compass by that point. I'm sure you see where I'm going with this. If not, consider it's a surprise tool that will help us later. When Phee gets hurt by Non or decides he'd be better off lost and dead.

For the record, in this poll Phee gets even fewer votes than White

Seek agency, but not too much

Discontent starts to rise with the helplessness point first as viewers start to question why Non doesn't ditch the group. Why he's putting himself through such trouble. Non changes from being subjected to others' action to being the subject in a grammatical sense. Yet Non has hiw own reasons to stay (how much does the movie mean to him ? How many hours and sleepless nights on the script ? How long would it take for him to find another chance to get enough funding ? How big of a dream is it for him ?). It's the first occurence of the audience claiming to know best what's good for Non.

Complaints quiet down when Non does try to leave for good only to be stopped by Jin. We saw him try, we saw him fail, he really couldn't leave so he's off the hook.

Jin also makes sure Non remains a perfect victim by bringing him back into the group. I'm not accusing Jin of trying to make Non suffer on purpose ; he's a good guy at heart, come fight me to death on this hill. But the only way for him to exist in Non's life is to remain a savior of sorts. If Non leaves, there's nothing to save him from. Which brings us to my next point.

Non must try to solve things by himself, sure. But not too much. Because when you thrash to regain control of your life, you might break a few things in the process. Especially if you have to wrest it away from well-intentioned but firm hands.

He rejected Jin's offers to help numerous times. He looked anything but thrilled when Phee put himself in danger to clear his name. He refused to change schools at first, only to begrudgingly agree when Phee insisted. This insistence is the heart of the matter : Phee is sure he knows best, so he bulldozes through Non's objections and hesitation : he doesn't consult him before asking his dad for help, he speaks in his place when Non doesn't answer his proposal, he puts the bracelet on his wrist. He asks him if he's taken his meds, just in case.

Phee has the audience's benediction in doing so. Part of it stems from our knowledge of future events : we know it's going to end bad for Non. We know he has to get the fuck out. We know whatever decision he makes will be a bad one. Kids and teenagers as a whole are often deemed unable, or not mature enough to make informed decisions anyway. Just look at Non's mother telling him to prioritize his studies so he can go abroad like his brother. Multiply it tenfold for people with mental illnesses ; they get babied on a daily basis. So Non cannot, I can't emphasize it enough, cannot do anything.

All of the above end with Phee getting his way. Non can't win against him, so he chooses to lie instead.

Aside from willing to be in charge of his own life, Non's refusal to let Phee help is also rooted in love and fear. While Phee would offer him an easy way out as he did for the bank accounts, it would most likely only be easy for Non and put Phee in danger. Both their survivals are held in that curt 'no'.

He's already straight up refused help, and now he loses the moral highground by lying (to his perfect holy savior Phee of all people). From here on out, any action he takes will be his -which is what Non wanted ; it's his life, and he won't be a bystander in it. But it also means that he jumped off the pedestal he'd been put on to land on thin ice.

And guess what, Non is a multi-dimentional character in a difficult situation who weighs more than a poor little damsel in distress. Of course said ice cracks. And the Non hate train gets started.

The betrayal

Lying and refusing help to go get it from the worst place he could have had was bad enough. But sleeping with his teacher while he had a boyfriend (Phee, for heaven's sake) ? Unforgivable. Cheating is the BL equivalent of every cardinal sin, the worst of the worst, and no matter the circumstances you'll get roasted for it.

And yet there are circumstances. One, especially, and it's called motherfucking grooming. I won't elaborate on this point cause I've done it over and over already, but Non was groomed by an adult. Does he see things that way ? Probably not. In his mind he's in control of the situation. He can lie to Phee about it because there's no reason for it to backfire. He does what he has to if he wants to save himself, using he one weapon he has : his body. It's cheating, but cheating in a game rigged for you to lose.

Society has two opinions about sex. It's either holy or gross. Take Jin, for instance.

See the look on his face. He's heartbroken, he's sad, he'll live through it. Witnessing Non having sex with his teacher when he has a boyfriend ? Now that's another story. That's a betrayal.

A betrayal of what, exactly ?

Of this goddamn image Jin had painted of Non. The same the audience was given to see prior to these events : Non was perfect and loveable and worth defending, an innocent, pure, helpless baby in need of saving. So when the illusion shatters in what society and especially BL culture hold as the worst action possible, people feel fooled. Stupid, if you will. And they turn their hatred to Non. Non lied to us ! He pretended to be good, dear god, to think I loved such filth ! My heart is so dirty now, ew.

But Non didn't lie. He lied to Phee, but that's it. Everything else was expectations and assumptions. Fail to meet them and suddenly everything is your fault. It's Non's fault for refusing to be dragged along in his own life anymore, Non's fault for lying in order to get some control, Non's fault for lying again not to lose Phee when caught by surprise, Non's fault for listening to Jin, Non's fault for resorting to use his only weapon to get out of a situation he was cornered in, Non's fault for being tricked into thinking any of the decisions he made regarding Keng were his own, Non's fault for everything.

He wanted to claim his life back and made a mistake, yes. He doubled-down on it when he realized it was too much for him to handle. He clung to it and did his best to keep it together. He dared not to be the perfect victim he was supposed to be ; to try when everyone knew he was bound to fail. And you know what, sometimes there's stuff that's someone's fault, consequences they didn't foresee, things they said, slips and falls, and they're still victims, just as much as they were before.

I believe that dealing with his debt himself is as important to Non as finishing the movie is. He's ready to be used and abused (by Keng in the former, the group for the latter) and to break his own heart, values, pride and sanity. He's the most resilient and dedicated character in the show to me.

But the world doesn't necessarily see it that way. So when Non realizes the mess he's made of everything, he fights Keng (who represents his desperate and violent search for complete independence) to reach for the bracelet he got from Phee. He wants help. He needs it. But he's not a victim anymore and any help is denied.

Both Phee and Jin later manage to reconcile their broken image of Non with the man he actually is. Too late to save him, but they still did. I have a hunch that things would have been different if Phee had beat up Keng and taken a crying Non in his arms, holding him tight while whispering none of it was his fault. But our moral compass fucked up, like the hurt kid he is.

What some people did by blaming and hating on Non is closer to the hateful comments he got on the video than Phee or Jin's reactions. They're far worse.

That's the big takeout. What if we stopped stigmatizing or idealizing sex ? What if we stopped demanding perfection and so-called purity for someone's trauma and status as a human being not to be negated ?

Anyway, here's a hug to Non and every victim who live in the paralyzing fear of a single slip. You can make mistakes just like the rest of us. You don't owe anyone perfection.

I'll end this rant on a bright, happy smile. I don't see a good ending for Non, but god knows he'd deserve it.

#I tried to structure it a bit #key word is try #I was angrily typing it and working with a word salad #I hope I didn't lose sight of my point halfway through #but whether I rambled on or not I needed to write it #cause I'm tired of people sorting victims out and choosing who gets respect and justice #and who doesn't #dead friend forever #dff the series #I spent too long on this gotta go shower now

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uhgood-girl · 7 months

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why jikook?

i've been asking myself this a lot recently bc well, why them? why not tkook? or ynmin? hell, jihope even, they're underrated as hell honestly, have you seen that hot tub video? hobi was ready to unhinge his jaw to swallow jimin whole (and who (jk) could blame him.)

but jikook, in a not joking way, hits different. they always have. it's been years at this point that i've been deep in this rabbit hole (within the larger bts rabbit hole, my god, how deep does it go) but i don't recall making the conscious decision to fall in.

maybe a little background?

i'm a fake love army. actually, if we're getting technical, i'm an outro tear army bc it was in the comments of the freshly released fake love music video that i saw someone recommend outro tear if i enjoyed fake love and then it was over for me. extremely not fake love at first listen, who's voice is second on this track? i NEED to know. i'm a yoongi/rapline bias to this day. fake love still fucks though, don't get me wrong, it's a never skip for me.

for that first year and then some, i consumed backlogged content like it was my day job. i am a prone to hyper-fixations hermit, basically, who was going to stop me? my therapist? nah, she picks her battles.

i watched everything i could get my grubby little hands on like someone would be testing me on it later. (shoutout qdeoks, you were so real) i didn't open stan twitter for the first time till probably the end of 2018, really just in time to be slapped in the face full force with the shitshow that was a hate campaign against these boys i was deeply invested in by then, the likes of which i had never experienced in an online space up to that point. it was a truly, truly wild era, don't ever let anyone tell you differently.

all that to say, i've been here for a hot minute and i developed my own first impressions on bts and the members as individuals in a vacuum. no one had to point jikook out to me, they stuck out on their own.

potentially relevant disclaimer before we continue: i am really really queer. i grew up in the united states conservative deep south and had to change high schools my sophomore year bc i was outed and then violently ostracized for being in a relationship with my same sex best friend at the time. it is safe to say i have a lot of feelings about and experience even when it comes to having to be low key (understatement lol) about who you love. i am not here just to make my barbies kiss.

actually, on that note, jikook wouldnt even be my chosen barbies out of bts. if we're in true fantasy delulu hours here, i would want yoonjin to be real. god, that would be the stuff, they're so old married as it is. peak romance.

i think the first place jikook ever truly caught my attention were the memories dvds. jimin has always been a sweet, bby angel taking care of all his members but i remember thinking that he seemed to pay a little extra, special attention to jungkook. and of course, why not, jk's the maknae after all. all of them have always been doting on him and deservedly so. but in those briefly shown really serious, quiet moments, jimin was often first in line. a spot very easy for him to obtain tbh as jk never seemed to be very far from him anyway. maybe if you've never in real time lived the satellite jeon accusations (hi pandemic army, bless you, i hope you make it to 2025 when we have them all back without restrictions) you might find them easier to dismiss but it was so consistent back then in all of the content being released. and once noticed, i don't know how anyone ever un-notices it. but i was in deep before i even realized the water was boiling.

should i talk about why not tkook? or ynmin, for me? i'm just pulling those as examples bc i know they're the popular contenders here but all joking in the beginning of this post aside, none of the other members interpersonal relationships, in any configuration (sadly, RIP yoonjin romance), have ever struck me as anything other than puppy crush/deep friendship/family. and that's not bc i don't think over half of those men aren't queer in some form or fashion because WHEW, that is an entirely different post and we simply do not have the time to unpack rn but it's not for lack of looking.

i started in a vacuum, but i have by no means stayed there, i walked in all of those front doors and sat down and said "convince me." i've got the time and lack of life, i am ready to be won over. what have i missed?

to this day i still regularly try and check my own confirmation bias, i'm obviously looking for jikook at this stage but i'm still ready on my toes if any of the others want to get crazy. (yoonjin i am rooting for you, we're all rooting for you)

and i'm not here to really persuade or sway anyone one way or another either. there are a 1000 other blogs on this site that can probably offer you better explanations, specific clips, and detailed break downs of moments throughout the years and even then people are going to see what they want to see. i just wanted to write some of my own thoughts down finally.

though...i guess if i had to point to any one single piece of "evidence" it would definitely be tried and true gcf tokyo? but if watching that the first time didn't ring through you like a gunshot, i def don't think there's anything i could say beyond that.

honestly, i think so much of "why jikook" for me boils down to the pit in the bottom of my stomach that i used to get when i first began to notice them. when i got past the initial warm fuzzies inspired by the sincerity of their interactions, my immediate second emotion was concern.

i remember the first time i heard some of the other boys make an offhand joke about them being a couple and i got anxious, fast. i thought hide, hide better, please be safe. i began to pay extra attention to the other members in general too when jikook would do things and felt like i could sometimes see a similar anxiety to my own in their expressions. for a long time, i just worried about them and where i saw other people rejoice in their more obvious moments, i was slow to celebrate.

despite my initial hesitation, it's now been about 5 years since the first time they ever made me double take. they're a few years younger than me but i feel like we've been growing up together. (parasocial? idk her.) they're less conspicuous these days, and for lots of obvious reasons, but i feel like overall, their confidence in themselves and each other is quite high. i know that's probably a funny thing to say in light of this last week especially, but i stand by it. i've seen this song and dance before. i have managed my own expectations in the past, taken full steps back only to be beaten anew over the head so many times with enough "coincidences" i felt borderline foolish to try and deny anything. jikook are truly some sort of neuro-spicy pattern recognition drug, i swear.

and i've never really gotten to talk about any of this with anyone before! i'm shy irl, and shy online apparently bc i have just been lurking around the outer lines of this circle this whole time like some creepy creep but i've decided i'm over it. fuck it. growth.gif. idk that i have anything important or new to contribute to the conversation but my god, no one else seems to let that stop them so i might as well take my turn on the soapbox, no?

so 📢 JIKOOK REAL (?) jikook sus. jikook make bandaged queer little heart go boom boom.

#jikook #kookmin #hi hello welcome to the personal jikook ted talk literally no one asked for #in this essay i

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i-literally-cant-with-this · 23 days

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I put up a little survey but no one answered it. How dare you all go on living your lives when I'm posting important things like whether or not I should post this all at once or break it up. So, this is YOUR fault it's been released as a whole ;).

A/N ::: NOT EVEN GONNA FUCKING LIE this was about 15 pages on Google Docs. BUT IN MY DEFENSE I have been working on this for 3 days. And if I'd been left alone like I wanted to be, I'd have not carried on and on like this. So, blame everyone around me that insists on interrupting me while I'm tryin' to write this story that wasn't supposed to be this damn long. ANY-DAMN-WAY. I hope someone out there reads this, despite it being the size of a damn Steinbeck piece of lit.

Disclaimer ::: This is NOT literature.

Seriously, please ... someone enjoy this.

C/W ::: Chifuyu x F.reader x Baji, cheating, sneaking around and sex.

WC ::: 4,765 (I'M SO SORRY. FR THIS TIME)

MDNI under the cut please and thank you.

When Chifuyu introduced you to the man he looked up to - his mentor - his hero, you didn't really think much of it at first. It didn't register how he stopped breathing when he shook your hand and said hello. How his eyes blew out, fully black. Lacking the subtlety of a man who wasn't your lover.

You weren't anything special. At least, you didn't think you were. Chifuyu introduced you as "the most pretty girl he's ever laid eyes on" and Baji couldn't deny that was the loudest truth he's ever heard. He'd never been so jealous of anyone as he is right now. But what could he do about it? Take you away from the man who was like a little brother to him?

He didn't want to. But he couldn't help how he felt when he was around you. He couldn't help how his mouth went dry when you said "Hi, Baj'! How are you today? Lovin' the hair as usual!" And you would wink at him thinking you looked like a total dork and then you'd skitter off to find Chifuyu.

It was easy to fall for you. Especially when you were so sweet, always asking how his day was, making him laugh, smiling that pretty smile at him. His heart was yours. But he knew yours belonged to Chifuyu. And it was getting to a point where he had trouble being around you two at the same time. He wasn't angry or anything. But his heart hurt.

It'd beat out of his chest whenever you'd sit down next to him on the couch or in the back seat of the car. He started to not come around as much.

And one day, you went over there to find Chifuyu because Mikey said that he was at Baji's place and it'd be fine if you popped over to get him.

So, you did just that. Except Chifuyu wasn't there. It was just Keisuke. And he was sitting on his bed with a book in his hand and a sad look in his eyes.

He seemed surprised to see you when you approached his room.

"Hey, Baj'," you said softly, "I'm sorry for coming over without calling first but I don't have your number." You leaned against his doorway with your hand on your hip. Smiling that goddamn smile of yours at him like you have absolutely no idea how he feels.

He shook his head. "It's okay. Chifuyu isn't here so if you were looking for him … you’re outta luck."

"Oh. Do you know where he is?"

"Nope. I don't think he's coming back here anytime soon either."

"Ah," you said, "so we're both out of luck."

Baji swallowed hard. "Yeah, ok. Well, bye, I guess. It was nice seeing you."

You smiled again. "Oh! O-ok, Baj'. Maybe I'll ... see you … I’ll see you ‘round."

He only had the strength to say "yeah, maybe" as you walked out of his room and out of his place. Because if he opened his mouth the only words that were going to come out were "I love you, y/n. Please give me a chance. I feel like I'm going to explode every time I'm in the same room with you and I don't get to touch your soft skin."

But he didn't say that. He couldn't. And he spent the rest of his night alone, wishing he had someone to hold him. Someone to tell him everything was going to be okay. Someone who loved him as much as he loved you. Someone who loved him as much as you loved Chifuyu.

You eventually tracked Chifuyu down and you told him about how sad Baji seemed tonight.

"Do you think I should go talk to him?" He asked.

"No," you replied. "I don't think he's in the mood to talk. He seemed really sad, though. He looked like he wanted to cry."

"Should we just leave him alone?"

"Yeah, I think so. But let's check on him tomorrow. Maybe he'll be more up to talking then."

"Ok. I hope so."

You didn't mean to, but you caught a glimpse of Chifuyu's face before he turned away. It was like he knew something. Like he knew that Baji had a crush on you. And maybe he did. Baji wasn't subtle at all. He was obvious and open and loud about his feelings. He wore them on his sleeve. And Chifuyu is the type to notice things. Especially about someone he already paid such close attention to. But none of this could be helped. Not really.

So, you left it alone.

A few weeks later, all the boys came over to hang out. And you sat down next to Baji on the couch like you usually did and you leaned your head on his shoulder. He tensed up and then relaxed. And you heard him sniffle a bit.

"Baj'? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, voice breaking.

"You're crying."

He turned his face away from you and wiped his eyes. "Sorry, y/n. It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Hey, I'm your friend. I worry about you. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just ... just … stupid shit. Ok? I don't wanna talk about it."

You nodded and patted his knee. "Ok, well, I'm here if you need me." And you got up and walked down the hallway to your room to grab a sweatshirt.

What you didn't know is that Baji got up and followed you. And when you turned around, he was standing there. He reached out and grabbed your hand. And he brought it up to his mouth and kissed it.

"B-Baji?"

"I'm sorry, y/n. I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"I can't ... I can't sit here and watch you and Chifuyu be all lovey dovey. It's fucking with my head, ok? I don't want to feel this way but I do and it's killing me inside. I've tried to stop it. I've tried everything and nothing works."

You pulled your hand back. "What are you … Baji? I don't understand."

"I'm saying that I like you, ok? And I don't know how to stop."

"I understand that but why the fuck are you telling me this now? Jesus, Baj'." You sat down on your bed, folding the sweatshirt up on your lap and holding it close to your chest.

Baji sat down next to you and put his hand on your arm. "I know it's stupid and I know you and Chifuyu are happy together. But I need you to know. I need you to know how much you mean to me. How much I wish it was me instead of him."

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You didn't know Baji felt this way. You didn't think he ever looked at you like that. And you didn't know what to say. You were speechless.

"I'm sorry, y/n," he said again, "I'm sorry I fucked everything up. I'll go."

But before he could get up, you grabbed his wrist. "Wait," you said. "Don't go."

He turned back to you, face red and impossibly handsome. How had you never seen this before? How completely fucking beautiful he is. And how could you have missed the way he looked at you?

"I'm … sorry, Baj'. I'm sorry I never knew."

"It's not your fault, y/n. I don't blame you for anything. You can't help how you feel."

You nodded.

"What does that mean? Why are you nodding?"

You took his hand and held it in yours. "I don't know." The look in your eyes made him feel something he hadn't felt in so long. And he couldn't help but process that as some fresh new hell. Some new hurt. But still, he was stupidly hopeful.

Even though he didn't want to. He didn't want to think that maybe you could be his. But the way you looked at him right then gave him the tiniest bit of hope that maybe it was possible.

"Y/n? Babe? Where're ya at?" You pulled your hand from Baji's and put them on your lap.

"Sh-shit!" Baji said. "We're in here, Chifuyu. The bedroom." He said as casually as he could muster.

"Tryin' steal my girl, asshole?" Chifuyu laughed half-heartedly.

Baji did not. "Nah, man. Just talking. Catching up."

"Yeah. Ok. Well, Mikey says time to go."

"Shit, already? It's only been an hour."

"Yeah, he wants us all at his place. So, we should go. Don't wanna keep the boss waiting."

"Right. Ok, let's go." Baji got up and walked past Chifuyu without looking him in the eyes. "See ya around, y/n."

"Bye, Baj’-i. Baji." you said. You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what to do.

Baji left and Chifuyu looked at you with a frown. "What's wrong, babe?"

"Nothing."

"Doesn't look like nothing."

"It's nothing, really. Baji was just telling me about some ... something. No biggie. So you're leaving?" You got up and hugged him, trying not to think about the few minutes you and Baji had alone in your room. Holding hands on your bed.

Chifuyu hugged you back. "Yeah, sorry. Mikey says it's important. So, I gotta go. But I'll be back in the morning. Promise."

"Ok, well, I'll talk to you later, yeah? Be safe, Chi." You kissed him and he kissed you back like it was as easy to do as breathing and that broke you down a little bit more than you had anticipated.

What the hell is happening, you wondered. No, you knew what was happening. What is happening. And it was bad. It was so fucking bad. Because you couldn't stop thinking about Baji and his sweet face and his sad eyes. And how it would be nice to hold him and kiss him and make him feel better.

But that was insane. Wasn't it? You loved Chifuyu. You didn't want to be with anyone else. But then why did you feel this way? Why did you want to call Baji and tell him you felt the same?

You didn't know what to do. You were lost. And it was getting harder to pretend you were okay. Especially when you were around Baji. Especially especially when you were around Baji and Chifuyu at the same time.

So, you got into your bed and you texted Chifuyu a good night and a "miss you already" and you waited for him to text you his usual good night text.

It wasn't long and your phone vibrated. You smiled and picked it up next to you on the bed. Picking it up, you were anticipating what cute little thing Chifuyu was going to say to you.

Your smile only grew more wide when you saw it wasn't Chifuyu who'd texted you.

It was Baji.

"What you doin', y/n?" He asked.

"Hi Baj'. I'm in bed. What you doin'?"

"Same. Just wanted to say g'night."

"Oh, ok. Well, thanks. G'night, Baji. Sweet dreams, yeah?"

"Gonna try and dream about you. And you can't stop me so don't come over here and try to or anything dumb like that, y/n. Got it?"

You surprised yourself: not only with how hard you laughed but that you were up and out of your bed before you knew what happened. Throwing on some leggings and a hoodie and heading out the front door.

Apparently, heading to Baji's place.

"Jesus Christ," he laughed when he opened the door. "Did you sprint here? You're a fucking mess."

"Yeah? Thanks! Anyway, I did run here. And I'm here, aren't I? You're not the only one who can't sleep." Your breathing started to level out after a minute or two of standing there with him.

He couldn't deny that he was missing how your chest heaved when your breathing was heavy. Even behind the baggy sweatshirt. He was missing the way your eyes sparkled in the dark. The way your hair looked messy and adorable. He was missing everything about you.

Until you got there, that is.

"Come in," he said, "make yourself at home."

"Thank you. So, what's up? Why can't you sleep?"

He shrugged. "Don't know. Just thinking too much."

"About?"

He rolled his eyes. "You know about what."

You nodded. "I do. And I think we need to talk about it, yeah? It's getting weird."

Baji swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. You're making things really awkward, y/n. I don't know how much more I can take - going on like this. You're a real pain in my ass."

You gasped, exaggerating hurt feelings and pushed him over on the living room couch. You climbed on top of him before you even knew what was happening.

And though you were only intending to tickle him and make him suffer in the most innocent way, it quickly evolved into something neither one of you had any business exploring with one another.

You felt his hands on your hips and his lips on yours before you had time to process it. And you had no idea what was going on.

You didn't know what to do.

But you knew you didn't want to stop. You didn't want to stop him.

"B-Baji," you said, pulling back just a bit. "Ffffuck! Baj'! Wh-what the hell!"

"I don't know," he said, "I just ... I couldn't help it."

"Yeah, well … neither can I. But we have to stop. We can't do this. We can't do this to Chifuyu! Fuck, man!"

You pulled back and jumped off him. And you started pacing around the living room.

"We can't do this, Baj'. We can't do this to him. We can't."

Baji got up and grabbed your waist, spinning you around to face him. He pulled you flush against the front of his body and kissed you again.

Harder this time.

With more purpose.

And you didn't have the strength to push him away.

You gave in.

Because you wanted to feel him. You wanted to be touched by him and you wanted to touch him. And you couldn't help yourself.

But you knew it was wrong. You knew it was bad.

"Baj'," you said, "we can't. We can't do this." You said between breaths and smashing your lips against his. You had your hands twisted and tangled up in his long, dark hair. Pulling on it as though it would get you even closer to him than you already were.

But it wouldn't.

It couldn't.

And you knew that. You both knew that.

But you couldn't stop. And it didn't matter that you had no idea what was going to happen after tonight.

All you could focus on is what was happening right now.

And right now, you were kissing Baji like it was the last thing you were ever going to do. Like he was the last person you were ever going to touch. Like he was the one who mattered the most.

Like you were never going to be the same again.

Because you weren't.

And you knew you weren't.

So, you did the only thing you could do in this situation:

You said fuck it and kept kissing him.

You said fuck it to what you and Chifuyu had.

You said fuck it to your morals. Fuck it to your conscience. Fuck it all.

Nothing had ever felt so right.

Not in a long time.

Not since you started dating Chifuyu.

And that's when you knew. You knew it was never going to be over, this thing that was blooming between you and Baji.

And you weren't sure what you were going to do about that.

So, you let Baji kiss you and hold you and make love to you that night. You let him because you needed it. You needed him.

And you knew that no matter what happened, it was never going to be the same.

Because you couldn't live without Baji.

Not anymore.

Not now that you'd seen him and touched him and loved him.

No, it wasn't going to be the same. Not ever.

And you were okay with that.

You were okay with it because you knew that it was always supposed to be like this.

Baji was always supposed to be yours.

And you were always supposed to be his.

You were always supposed to be together.

And it felt like the universe was finally putting everything back where it was always supposed to be.

You were complete.

And you had no idea what that meant or what it was going to lead to.

A couple of weeks after this started, Chifuyu asked you to go out with him and Baji. He said it wasn't going to be anything special. Not a date, though, just the three of you going out for dinner, maybe drinks.

You said yes.

Because you couldn't say no.

And Baji couldn't either.

You couldn't look at Chifuyu because you felt so bad.

But you had to.

You had to look at him.

You wanted to tell him.

You wanted to tell him everything.

You wanted to tell him how you felt.

You wanted to tell him how you were feeling about Baji. About him. About you and Chifuyu's relationship as it stood now. About you and Baji's relationship. That shouldn't even exist.

But it did.It does.

And you weren't sure how to explain that.

You weren't sure how to tell him that you'd fallen in love with his best friend.

You weren't sure how to tell him that you were fucking said best friend and that it wasn't just sex.

It was love.

It was so much more than anything you’d ever experienced.

So, you sat there.

You sat there next to Chifuyu, holding his hand.

And you sat there across from Baji, your feet touching under the table at the booth. Your eyes staring back at the other's for longer than should have been acceptable.

"I'm gonna go grab some water," Chifuyu said, "you guys want anything else?"

"Nah, I'm good," Baji said.

"Me too," you said.

He nodded and walked over to the counter.

And Baji leaned forward. "We can't do this, y/n. We can't keep this up. I can't keep going like this. I can't keep sitting across from you and pretending like I don't want to rip your fucking clothes off and eat your pussy for the next 4 hours. That I don't want to fuck you stupid. I'm fucking getting hard right now just talking about it, y/n! Fuck."

"I know. I know, Baj'. This is killing me. I feel like I'm going to explode."

"What are we going to do? I can't lose you. And I won't lose Chifuyu. He's my best friend. But you're my, goddamn it y/n ... you're my soulmate."

"I … what?"

He nodded. "Yeah. And I know that sounds crazy and stupid but it's the truth. We were made for each other. I feel it. Do you feel it?"

"I , Baj'. I do. But we can't keep this up. We can't do this to Chifuyu."

Neither of you noticed him walk up to the table. "Do what to me? What are you guys goin' on about?"

Baji and you looked at each other. "Nothing," you said.

"You were talkin' about me, weren't you? Did you guys have a fight or something? Is that why you're over here whispering and shit?"

"N-no!" Baji said. "No, we didn't have a fight or anything like that. We were just talking, man. Just talking."

Chifuyu didn't seem to believe him. He squinted his eyes at the two of you and then shrugged. "Ok. Whatever. Anyway, here's your water. What do you guys want to eat?"

You didn't know. You didn't know what you wanted to eat. You didn't know if you wanted to eat. Ever again. All you could think about is how much this was going to hurt Chifuyu. And how much it was going to hurt Baji. And you.

But you had no choice.

You had to tell him.

You had to tell Chifuyu.

And you couldn't put it off any longer.

"Chi, Baj' has something he wants to tell you!" you yelled out so loudly the whole restaurant stopped whatever they were doing to stare at the disruptive girl.

"The FUCK, y/n!" Baji yelled back at you. "What the fuck are you doing?!" He hissed at you.

You shrugged. "I can't do this anymore, Baj'. I can't keep hiding it. I can't keep lying. It's not fair to him."

"You're gonna fucking do it now?"

You nodded.

And Chifuyu looked between the two of you. "What the hell is going on? What are you guys hiding?"

"I ... um ... we ... we've been sleeping together," Baji said, hanging his head.

"You fucking what?" Chifuyu looked at you. "You've been fucking my best friend? Behind my back? Are you fucking kidding me, y/n? You're fucking kidding me. This isn't funny. This isn't funny at all."

"I'm sorry, Chi. I didn't mean for this to happen. It just did. It's not like we planned it or anything. It just happened."

"Yeah, it just happened! That's real fucking convenient. You just accidentally fell onto his dick. Real fucking nice, y/n. I can't believe you. I can't believe either of you. You know what? Fuck this shit. You guys deserve each other. I hope you're happy together." Chifuyu threw his napkin down on the table and stormed out of the restaurant.

Leaving you and Baji at the table and everyone in there staring at you again.

You got up and started to chase after Chifuyu. Baji just sat there, taking a sip of his drink. "Fuckin' shit," he said, "this was a bad idea."

You found Chifuyu outside, sitting on a bench next to the entrance of the restaurant. "H-hey," you said, sitting down next to him.

"Leave me alone, y/n. I don't want to talk to you."

"I know. I'm sorry, ok? I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, Chi. You know that, right? You know I would never want to hurt you on purpose."

"Yeah, well, you did. You did hurt me. And you have been hurting me for weeks."

"Chi, you have to under- wait, what did you just say? You've known about this? Chi!"

"Yeah, I fucking knew about it. I'm not an idiot. I could tell you guys had something going on. And I let it go because I thought it was nothing. I thought it was a crush or something. I thought I could trust you BOTH to do the right thing here. Instead, you've been fucking each other - behind my back, for weeks and NOT telling me how you felt. You know, the worst part is, I'm not even that surprised. Baji is great. You're great. It was inevitable that you two would find your way into each other's arms. I mean, come on, now. You'd have to be fucking blind to not want to be with either of you."

"I'm so sorry, Chi." You had tears running down your face. But you weren't sure why you were crying. It was all just a lot to process. Chifuyu's reaction, Baji's lack of reaction. All of it.

"It's fine. I'm not mad at you, y/n. I'm mad at Baji. And I'm mad at myself for not seeing this coming. For not stopping it before it went too far. For being in love with you when you're clearly in love with him."

You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what to do. So, you just sat there.

And you let Chifuyu talk.

"I think I knew it was happening before it did. I tried to ignore it. I tried to pretend like it wasn't a big deal. But it was. And it still is."

"I'm so sorry, Chi. I … honest to God never ... ever never wanted to hurt you."

"But you did. And I can't forgive you for that. I don't know if I ever will. And we can't be together anymore. Not now."

"I understand." You had to choke out those words. They were getting caught in your throat as you tried not to sob.

"Fuck. Don't cry, y/n. We can still be friends. I mean, I don't hate you or anything. I'll just never trust you with anything important. Ever again. Like, ever."

"I know. I know, Chi. I get it."

He nodded. "Ok. Well, I'm gonna go. You should go back in there and talk to Baji. Tell him what happened. He deserves to know how badly he fucked up."

"Y- … I will."

"Good. Take care, y/n. And tell him I said good luck with you. That he's dating a whore, liar and cheater. Tell him I said to have fun with that."

You forced yourself to laugh. You knew Chifuyu well enough to know he didn't mean everything he just said to you. Maybe ⅔’s of it. Though you wouldn't bet money on which ⅔’s he was referring to.

Walking back to the restaurant you saw Baji sitting at the table. His shoulders slumped down and his head hung over the table.

"Hey," you said, sitting down across from him.

"What happened? Did you find Chifuyu?"

"Yeah. He was outside. He left"

"Oh. Ok."

"He knows, Baj'. He knew all along."

"Fuck, y/n! Why didn't you tell me that? You should have told me that. Jesus Christ, man! That changes everything."

"I didn't know he knew! Stop yelling at me! You're just as responsible for this shit as I am! Maybe more!"

"Yeah, ok. Whatever. It's done. Let's just go home."

"What? Home? Where is home?"

"You know where it is. My place. You know, the place you've been fucking me every night for the past 2 weeks. The place where you've been sleeping with me and lying to my best friend. Yeah, that home. You remember that one, right?"

"Yeah, I'm familiar." You scowled at him.

"Ok, good." He stood from the table and walked toward the exit, not waiting for you.

You followed him out, running to catch up. You walked next to him in silence, the tension thick in the air around you.

Neither of you had any idea what was going to happen next.

You didn't know if you were going to be together. after this. If you should be together after this.

And you didn't know what to do about it.

So, you did the only thing you could: You kept walking until you got to Baji's house.

And when you got there, you went inside.

Because you didn't want to think about anything else.

The emptiness you felt in the fresh absence of Chifuyu was so painful that you wanted to escape this reality. And the only way to do that was to let yourself be whisked away by Baji in the little fantasy world the two of you had created a couple of weeks ago in his room.

He pulled you down onto the bed and rest his hand on the curve of your waist and he put his forehead against yours.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Sorry?" You whispered back to him. All the while, thinking about his lips and the rest of him and how it was all yours for the taking now. You could have him in his entirety.

You didn't know what you were going to do with that.

"Yeah. I'm sorry for all this. I shouldn't have fallen in love with you. I knew better."

"Baj'. You're not the only one who fell here. I love you too. So hard and so fast. I don't know what the fuck happened."

He kissed your mouth, his lips just grazing yours. It sent a jolt down your spine. You know that kiss. You know what it means. The look in his eyes. On his face. You'd become well acquainted with Baji's everything over the last few weeks.

Except now, it didn't hurt to acknowledge it. That you liked it. That you sat around, fantasizing about it when you weren't together. And that you thought about him more than you wanted to admit to yourself.

You wrapped your hand around the back of his head and held him tightly by the hair, pulling him on top of you. He pushed into you, grinding his hips against yours as he kissed you with a ferocity that you couldn't deny.

You were never going to be the same after tonight.

Not ever.

Not after Baji.

@kazutora-kurokawa @katkusuo @viburnt @arlerts-angel @darkstarlight82

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galedekarios · 6 months

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gale: h*lsin, you must have accumulated considerable wisdom on matters of the heart in your long life. gale: anything you'd like to pass on to a strapping, love-struck wizard such as myself? h*lsin: dispersing advice on matters of the heart would be like swapping boots - what suits me may be a poor fit for you. gale: ah. well, there's no faulting that logic. at least you didn't tell me to 'be myself.' node context: accepting the answer. thinks 'be yourself' is naff advice. h*lsin: oh no, perish the thought. that can be outright cruel advice to offer in certain cases.

this banter between gale and h*lsin is supposed to trigger in act iii and it's always rubbed me the wrong way ever since i found it in the files.

not for the advice h*lsin gives.

"what suits me may be a poor fit for you" is actually great advice.

it's that last line:

"oh no, perish the thought. that can be outright cruel advice to offer in certain cases."

it's not teasing, it's not played a joke. at best, it's thoughtless. at worst, it's well...

so much of gale's character arc - be it on a friendship or romance path - is centered around self-worth and accepting that he is enough as a person, as who he is, as gale dekarios, and not as gale of waterdeep, not as a chosen of mystra, etc etc etc.

in ea, i really had high hopes for their dynamic because i had thought - especially if they had kept h*lsin's old storyline of making a grave mistake and killing isobel during a battle, unleashing the shadow curse by proxy and regretting it so very deeply that he still strives to make up for it, and to ketheric, centuries later - would be extremely interesting to see.

back then, they seemed to have a lot in common: a certain maturity around them, that regret for great mistakes made, a love for books.

it's sad to see that now, in the release version of the game, a character, who is in many ways portrayed as the wise and worldly one, kind and experienced, would say something so... cruel, reinforcing an extremely toxic mindset - and especially to gale, who is clearly struggling with this, and at this point in time.

disclaimer: i don't blame h*lsin in this. i don't hate his character concept at all. on the contrary. i just think his writing has severe problems due to him being a late addition to the game. i'm only looking at the banter itself, as it is in the game.

#censored h*lsin's name because i don't want fans of his character to think i hate him i don't #i just mourn who i thought he was in ea/what he could have been with more time in the full version #their other convos are sadly fairly benign and shallow not much to dissect there #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #ch: gale dekarios #vg: baldur's gate 3 #series: baldur's gate #meta: mybg3 #halsin critical #just to be safe

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to-the-stars8 · 2 months

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Warnings: Mention of suicidal thoughts

So, anyone who wants to hear it, here’s how I think the story of Batman and all of his Robins should have gone in terms of just writing it like it was story. Mind you, most of the basic elements of the Robin's backstory are gonna obviously be in here, just fyi if you just see things that you already know. I am would love to hear what you guys think, too!

Now, quick disclaimer, I’m just going to go with the four main robins only because I know them best— other robins such as Carrie Kelley or Stephanie Brown I’m not as familiar with. I hope to one day to also extend this to other sidekick/people Batman works with, but that’ll be a separate post. Anyway, one more warning; this will be long.

Starting off with the death of Dick Grayson’s parents. Bruce sees them die, and instantly makes the connection between himself and newly orphaned Dick Grayson. It's one of the main reasons why Bruce takes him in. After all, he was once a boy so riddled by trauma and pain that he thought (at least in the beginning of being Batman) that violence and vengeance was the only answer. So, when Bruce adopts Dick, he doesn't want him to go down the same path. This is where I want to the conflict between Bruce trying to be not only a better person for Dick, but to also attempt to hold onto the feelings that drive his vengeance. Because, the way I would write it, Bruce is still pretty new at being Batman, he hasn't yet realized his "mission" isn't just getting his revenge on Gotham's criminals—It's creating a better life for the people there so they, too, wouldn't have to go through what he did. Though, another small disclaimer, I'll admit that I am missing a few pieces there.

Back to the main topic, if I lose you at all blame the ADHD, so Dick comes to Wayne Manor where he's angry at the world for what happened to his parents. Bruce, who is probably in his mid-twenties at this point, has no clue how to be a parent. He doesn't want to overstep his boundaries with Dick, but the boy is increasingly becoming angrier and angrier. The idea of Dick becoming anything like Bruce, in terms of being Batman, doesn't cross his mind because, unlike some DC writers, I don't think Bruce was actively looking for child soldiers.

Anyway, there is already the underlying push and pull factor between the two, which I think will probably define the rest of their relationship. And, like mentioned before, this is where I would want Bruce to try to be a better Batman, relying not on violence because he can see how it's affects others.

To further explain in a round-a-bout way, young Dick and Bruce are essentially mirrors of each other. And, I don't think Bruce entirely approves of how he, meaning Bruce himself, acts. Hence, why he begins to change Batman from a vengeful, violent vigilante (say that five times fast) to a hopeful knight of Gotham. Dick is his driving force of change, as well as the other Robins. So, when Bruce finally realized that Dick won't simply stand by and be the little boy that he should be—He gives him a chance to be something better than Batman. To begin his career as a vigilante as a hero with hope rather than rage. He's reluctant to do it, because he loves Dick. (Granted, Dick Grayson's Robin is absolutely filled with rage, but, in my story, Bruce is trying to lead from example)

And, just to move through the rest of it quickly so this isn't the same word count as the fucking constitution, as Dick grows so does Bruce. Batman is hopeful, and Bruce is gaining a family. Granted, it's small, but it's there. Along the way, he makes friends. Dick is the reason for this, though some credit can be given to Bruce himself. Despite being angry, Dick will always be outgoing, it's one of the best traits his parents passed onto him—And, he passes that along to Bruce. He begins to learn how a family functions, even if it's a hint of it. he is starting to realize there is more beyond the mask.

So, when the relationship between them starts to break down I would want to see that opposite reaction in the other relationships around Bruce. Because, before Dick, it was isolation, facade, anger, and Batman. Now, when he leaves, it's just that again.

I want to see this internal struggle between Dick letting Bruce be his father and letting him be his partner. Because, despite being similar, one holds more resent than the other. Dick can't stand that Bruce is trying to parent him because he had family, and now they were gone. He doesn't want to have a replacement family nor does he want to lose it again. With Batman, there comes the difference between ideologies. As Bruce strays away from untethered violence into something a bit more calmer, Dick is still filled with that same anger, causing a clash.

Eventually, it hits a breaking point when Bruce takes away the one thing that Dick himself created, the rope in their game of tug of war breaks. Dick leaves, Bruce isolates, and it seems that Gotham once again dissolves back to how it used to be.

Then, Bruce meets Jason. And, it's not like with Dick. It's different. Jason wasn't filled with anger or lost hope, he was a happy, hopeful kid. He wanted to be a kid, and Robin just happened to be a good fit for him, too. So, this is really when Bruce becomes Bruce not Batman. Bruce had gotten the taste of that with Dick, but Batman always seemed to have some tug in their relationship. At this point, I want to see Bruce realize just how much that affected his relationship with Dick and feel the remorse over that. I would want to see Bruce reach out to his eldest son, and be rejected because Dick is still wounded. In fact, Dick himself, despite legally being an adult, is a kid. He's hurt over Bruce essentially replacing, in his eyes, and finding a "better" son. This drives in harder the idea of Bruce wanting to not stop being Batman, but put more of an effort of just being Dad/Bruce. Again, Bruce is learning.

Back to Jason. Jason, in this story, would be one of the first Robins to really experience Bruce as a father. And, that turns the relationship of Batman and Robin less into a partnership and more into a father-son duo without one trying to control the other as much. Yet, there's still the distinction of just how different Jason is compared to Dick and Bruce. Jason never had a family, not a stable one at least, nor did he grow up financially stable. Jason was essentially the average poor Gotham kid, which did kick up a lot of backlash between the two. Yet, nothing too serious. In fact, I feel like Bruce would probably start being a lot more lenient with Jason at the beginning with just how easy he was as not just a sidekick but as a son.

And this is what I believe would lead to Jason leaning more into his violent tendencies compared to Dick. Now, before the torches do light, hear me out. I do not think Jason is an outwardly or inherently a violent kid. I think with the innate sense of justice Bruce would instill all of his Robins combined with being exposed to violence socially and now personally, it would lead to Jason seeing some flaws in Batman's logic. He might sense that since one person continuously abuses the system and gets away with hurting/murdering people that it might be better to eliminate the problem all together. This idea growing on Jason would lead to the death of Felipe, causing a huge and sudden rift between the two. Ultimately leading to Jason being kidnapped, tortured and killed all in pursuit of finding someone who might accept him despite Bruce never having rejected for what he did.

Eventually, after Jason died Bruce is in this hole of regret, remorse, and overall probably a bit suicidal. Afterall, he lost his son and feels like because he let Robin be that it caused Jason's death. So, when Dick re-enters the picture with Tim Drake, a boy finding and wanting to be Robin, I can see Bruce absolutely lashing out in grieving anger. Because, again being Robin had killed his son and he would be damned if that happened again. Yet, Tim being Tim was determined to show Bruce that it wasn't him or Robin that killed Jason—It was a mad man and a woman who deceived her son. Kind of playing into the idea it's not Robin who makes the boy, it's the boy who makes Robin. Not only that, but Tim is adamant that he will be Robin to not only prove this but also to show that Robin and Batman are two sides of the same coin. Ultimately, reverting back to Batman and Robin being a partnership instead of that father-son duo. At least, at first.

Bruce is protective of Tim, but there is definitely the drift in their relationship. Because, as we all know Tim's story, he still had parents when he became Robin so there was no need to fill that son position, for the lack of a better term, Jason had left behind. So, in a sense, I can see this relationship between the two starting off more like a boss and worker. Yet, as they continue to work together, Bruce would probably learn that Tim is making Robin, not the other way around. At this point, also, I can see Dick be more involved and bridge that gap with his father after seeing just how deeply he cares for his children.

Then, Tim's parents are murdered and I think the guilt would come back to Bruce, albeit a bit less extreme. He would feel responsible for putting this child in this situation and want to take him out of that. Yet, Tim is pushing against not only as a partner but as a potential son that which would definitely affect their relationship. This is why I personally would think that Tim and Bruce's relationship would be the most strained out of all of the Robins, though the two do share a deep connection it's just not as serious, again lack of a good term, as the other's.

Because I'm slowly getting more tired, I am going to try my best to get through Damian's. Again, guys, feel free to ask questions because this is just surface level stuff. If anyone makes it to this point, anyway or even reads this lol.

Alright, so just jumping into Damian, I think Bruce would treat Damian as he would have Jason. Unlike all the other Robins there's already a establish connection between the two before they even meet. I mean, Damian is literally his bio son and Damian is told that all throughout his life, so it would be a more of a one-sided connection at first then it grow on Bruce. Damian doesn't need training unlike all of his other predecessor's, the boy's already pre-programmed with skill. The major issue would be honing in on the assassination part of Damian and essentially Bruce's trauma from his other children.

So, right from the gate, I think Bruce would try to be a father to his Damian rather just Batman. And, I think Damian, at first, would not respond well to that. For his whole life, it's just been fight or die, nothing in-between. I think it would be interesting to see Bruce fall back into being a father, which, at this point, he already would have been since Dick returned and Tim and him slowly got closer. I think Bruce would be tougher on Damian simply because of how worried he would be for his safety and well-being. Bruce knows the League of Assassins and how it is absolutely no place for a young boy. So, Bruce would try to create normalcy like he did with Jason, but also be tough like he was on Dick. Overall, I think there's the same push and pull with them like with Bruce and Dick, but not to the extent as it was. After all, I would like to think at this point, Alfred convinced Bruce to go to therapy. Though, it can be said the two would also share a close personal relationship like Jason and Bruce.

I would go on, but, right now, I have a huge headache, so might edit later.

That's pretty much it guys. I know there might be some contradictions in this, but, to be fairly honest, this is just a streamline of thought. I think I read over this once, so any inconsistencies are just left. Please ignore. Or point out. It's pretty much either or. Again, I would love to know what you guys think. Hope you enjoyed this rant. I am going to bed now. ❤️❤️❤️

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6-atlas-6 · 9 months

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Why do we all collectively never talk about Vega in depth (Imp! or not). Like he's so understanding and patient for no reason. He's genuinely so caring as well even if it's just for specific people

Examples

"I want to see you. Not that name badge you wear. Not that facade you drape yourself in." - getting closer to a sadistic demon

"As if I'd join up in their ranks after their treatment of you, and all the other demon department officers" - under a sadistic demons care

"is that department of yours hellbent on stripping you of everything that makes you a demon? How much else of yourself have you had to abandon to fit in with them? Well, thank you for sharing this true part of yourself with me" - under a sadistic demons care

Let's also talk about how sad he is as a character in general, or at least the potential he has to be a sad character

"You remain the only person in that god forsaken containment facility that expressed anything toward me other than resentment, fear, or disgust." - under a sadistic demons care

Notice how he called Warden a person.

I feel like it's been recognized how incubi (Gavin specifically) are used to not experiencing actual love because they are seen for what they feed off of and nothing else, but Vega is mentioned to be in the exact same situation and barely anyone talks about it.

He mentions multiple times how he's shocked when someone isn't afraid of him or immediately hates him. I feel like it's glossed over because he doesn't seem too upset by it, but if you really pay attention he definitely is. Both of his listeners in the normal universe and in the imperium have one thing in common, and that is that they were both generally unafraid of Vega, and did not hate him right off the bat which seems to be important to Vega and the reason why he liked them in the first place.

ALSO notice how in the imperium and I'm the normal universe Vega gives his listeners an excuse for being with him that both involve blaming him for everything? Even though he (presumably) dislikes being hated by everyone he has no problems with his listeners making him out to be the bad guy in a situation. I don't care what you think about Vega or his relationship with warden, that is caring for someone at its finest.

"I am born of cruelty but that isn't all I am" - this line may have been from the imperium but I think it suits both versions of him so well

‼️ Disclaimer: I am not defending his prior actions but I am begging people to stop characterizing him as just some evil villain when he has so much more depth to him.

#My blog is slowly just turning into a Vega fan page #he's my man and I love him #bring Vega back 2023 #redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted vega #redacted demons #redacted carpe deus #redacted warden #redacted imp!vega #redacted imperium #redacted cataclysm #redacted pet

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jaemmphilia · 11 months

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★ 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 ★ || b.c

★ summary: you're pretty happy that you and chan are friend's again. it brings you back to your childhood in austrailia. your feelings for chan remain, and you're surprised to find out that he feels the same when he helps you through an anxiety attack after someone tried to attack you.

★ characters: bang chan, cannon y/n (he/him pronouns, masculine frame)

★ warnings: a little bit of sad stuff, reader has another anxiety attack, mentions of a knife, chan comforts reader and gives him a kissy, its pretty soft and sweet, let me know if i missed anything

★ word count: 2.4K (2415)

★ requested?: yeah, by a whole lot of you my god

★ binnie's thoughts: i wasn't planning on making a part 2 for this, but based on everyone's demands for part 2...i decided that it wouldn't hurt to give you guys a nice ending after i caused you all so much pain 😘

★ disclaimer: this fic in absolutely NO way represents the stray kids members as people. this is just for fun, so don't take it to heart. just enjoy!

★ 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵! ★

You’re pretty happy these days. You’re a successful idol who has the world in the palm of his hand, and things are going smoothly for you. Your best friend is back in your life, and you truly could not be happier.

Stay and your fandom, which are referred to as Craterz, were shocked to find out that you were so close to Chan, and most of them took the news well. Of course, there were a lot of Stays who were not so happy about the news, and they liked to let you know. They thought you were going to push your “homosexual agenda” onto their precious Channie. You don’t really understand why some fans act like they know their idols personally.

There was one time when you were filming the MV for your single, “i wanna be yours,�� and a few Stay banded together to buy a protest truck and posted it outside your filming location. It surprised you more than anything. You are aware of Stay and the amount of love they have for Stray Kids, but you are also aware of how many of them are a little obsessed.

You didn’t let it get to you, because it wasn’t like you were dating Chan. You guys are simply just friends, nothing more and nothing less. Although you often wish you two could be more.

Your feelings for Chan never faltered, not even for a second. Even after he got upset with you all those years ago, you never felt any different about him. Even after he shook you into an anxiety attack that landed you in the ER and several years of therapy, you would never hold that against him. He was young and in love. You had to learn and adapt without him in your life, even if it pained you every day. You had gotten so used to him always being there by your side, it often had you waking up during the night in a cold sweat.

You hate your anxiety. You don’t like how people often have to accommodate you because of your anxiety. You see it as a massive inconvenience, and you wish you didn’t have it to begin with. There were many nights growing up where you would curl up into a ball and just shake as your brain kept running and running. You had trouble sleeping, you had trouble learning how to drive, and you had trouble making new friends.

After word got out that you were “mean” to the school’s princess, Vanessa, everyone turned their back on you. They blamed you for driving Chan away to South Korea. The same people you grew up with in grade school turned their backs on you, and you had never felt so alone in a world full of people.

But that’s all behind you now. You and Chan make plans to hang out anytime you both are free. You often receive a text from one of the other members of Stray Kids, claiming that their “father” is stressed out and has locked them out of his studio.

You know it’s your job as to get Chan out of that state. Tonight is no different.

You sneak out of your apartment and pick up some take away food for the two of you. You make your way to the JYPE building and ask one of the boys to let you in. Once they let you in and you’ve said your hellos, you make your way to Chan's studio. You just let yourself in, knowing Chan more than likely has his headphones on and turned up to max volume.

You stare at Chan’s back. He’s sitting up straight, his sleeveless shirt showing off the wide expanse of his back and shoulders. You notice his skin looks so much better when he’s not being aggressively whitewashed. His natural tan skin has always been one of your favorite things about Chan, you always liked the way his skin looked under the hot Austailian sun back home. Your eyes slowly roam down his back, landing on his waist. You like his waist and hips. He’s nice and wide in all the right places, and it makes you want to hold onto him and never let go. You wonder what his hugs feel like now, considering that he’s bulked up a lot since his teenage years.

You wonder what it would feel like if he just wrapped his muscular arms around your frame, giving you a gentle squeeze that rips a soft laugh from your chest.

“Y/N? Hellooo, is anyone home?” you hear Chan’s voice calling to you. You shake your head, realizing that you got caught staring at him. You feel your ears get warm with embarrassment as you smile softly at him.

Chan chuckles, slipping off his headphones, letting them hang around his neck. “You must’ve been thinking about something super important, huh?” he says, raising his arms to stretch, and his shirt rides up, showing the lower half of his stomach. You try not to stare at the light trail of hair going from his belly button down to the waistband on his underwear.

“Yeah, just thinking about having to film the MV for my title track,” you say, setting the food on the couch and then sitting down, “I’m a little nervous, it’s going to be totally different from my single.”

Chan nods and starts rummaging through the bag, already knowing that you ordered his favorite, “Yeah, I know the feeling. Filming jitters will always come and go, so don’t stress too much.”

You roll your eyes playfully, a sarcastic laugh bubbling in your chest. “You’re telling the wrong person to not stress. Stressing out is my superpower, Channie.”

Chan flashes you a smile as he shovels some food into his mouth, chewing before he talks again, “You’re right, I forget about your anxiety. You take medication for it, don’t you?”

You nod while grabbing your own food out of the bag, and you turn your attention back to Chan, “Yeah, I take it every day with food, but there’s times where the meds don’t feel like they’re working.” you explain as Chan takes in your words.

He’s familiar with anxiety. He may not know what it’s like to live with it, but Han and Felix often struggle with it. There’s been countless times where he’s had to try and calm them down before a show or interview.

“That’s gotta suck, mate. I admire you for sticking it out, though. You’re a strong guy, Y/N.” Chan says.

You look down at your food, trying to hide the goofy smile on your face. Chan admires you? Yeah, your heart is doing backflips in your chest cavity. You feel those pesky butterflies having a rave in your stomach, and you mentally curse at them to calm down.

“Thanks, Chan. That means a lot to me, really.” you say as you look at him, the two of you sharing smiles as you both chow down and talk until the early morning. You just so happen to miss the look on Chan’s face as he steals glances at you.

A few days later, you’re with your filming team at an abandoned location outside of Seoul. You are a little spooked by the location, but your manager reassured you that it’s totally safe. You don’t believe a word he says, so you have your phone ready to call Chan the second things start getting wild.

You’re sipping on some coffee, watching a playback of the scene you just shot. You’re impressed by your acting skills and you consider what it’d be like to star in a drama. You’re a little spaced out when you feel someone grab your arm. Your eyes go wide, thinking that a ghost has you.

You quickly realize that it’s not a ghost. It’s a human. And she has a good grip on you, and you notice something shiny and silver in her small hand. A knife. You panic as you try to get out of her grip all while dodging her attempts to stab you. You know you could easily overpower her, but your body feels like jelly. The staff around you try to pry the woman off of you, and you keep struggling as your body shakes with fear. The woman is yelling at you, and you catch Chan’s name a few times as she screams at you.

Of course. She’s a Stay who doesn’t like you just because you’re close to Chan. You think this is ridiculous, and you’re so scared for your life right now. The bodyguards get her off of you and they drag her away as she continues to threaten your life. You quickly get into your car, your driver asking if you want him to take you home, and you just simply tell him to take you to Chan. You don’t have time to worry about the shakiness in your voice, you’re more worried about trying to even out your breathing. You’re struggling to catch your breath, and your chest is beginning to burn. You feel lightheaded, your vision blurry with tears.

Once you arrive at JYPE, you don’t even bother letting Chan know that you were there. You just make a beeline to his studio, ignoring the various voices of the younger members calling out to you. You open the door and close it behind you, and the dam finally breaks. You slide down the door, bringing your shaky legs up to your chin. Tears are falling from your eyes like rapid waterfalls and Chan finally senses the body of another person in his studio. Chan had thought it was Jisung coming in to bother him, but Jisung would’ve been much, much louder.

He swivels around in his chair, his eyes widening as he looks at you. Curled in on yourself, your entire body shaking as you gasp for air. He takes off his headphones and jumps into action. He carefully makes his way to your side, his hand placed on your shoulder, his touch feather-light. He licks his lips, trying to find the right words to say.

“Hey, hey. Look at me, Bubs. You’re ok now, just breathe.” Chan’s voice is quiet and gentle. You freeze up a little when he uses your childhood nickname. He hasn’t called you that in years. No one else is allowed to address you by that name besides him.

You lift your head up and you lock eyes with him. He gives you a gentle smile, and you feel at ease for once. Your senses are filled with him, he feels and smells like home. You feel his large hand in your hair, carefully stroking the dyed tresses as he speaks to you. You focus on Chan’s voice, your body’s shakes reducing quickly. The tears have stopped, and your chest doesn’t burn as badly now that you can breathe.

“There you go, Bubs. Channie’s here for you. Nothing’s gonna hurt you here.” He says, and it makes your heart hurt. He’s being so genuine, his touch and his voice lulling you into a state of peace.

The anxiety you once felt take over you leaves your entire being, the feeling being replaced by Chan. You’re in such a fragile state, your brain is so foggy. Neither you nor Chan have time to react before you both are locking lips on the floor.

The kiss isn’t anything crazy, just your lips molding together like a puzzle, the both of you closing your eyes as you kiss softly.

Kissing Chan is exactly how you dreamt it would be. His lips aren’t smooth, but they’re lightly chapped. His lips taste like peppermint chapstick, the cool burn feels nice on your own lips. You feel his hand cup your cheek as he leans in more, the kiss becoming more desperate. You feel his tongue swipe across your bottom lip, and you don’t hesitate to part your lips for him. You feel his tongue rub against your own, the two of you swapping saliva.

Chan’s eyes shoot open as he realizes what he just did. He immediately feels guilty, what kind of person kisses their friend when they’re in such a fragile state of mind? He moves out of your space, making you frown.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He says, looking shameful.

You shake your head and reach out for him. Your throat hurts, but you have to let him know that you wanted him to keep kissing you. “Channie, I wanted you to kiss me. Hell, I’ve wanted you to kiss me ever since we were like, thirteen.” You confess, the desperation is clear in your tone.

Chan is surprised. You’ve liked him for that long? He has to admit, ever since the two of you became friends again, he often finds himself thinking about you. And not as a friend. He knows he’s attracted to you, the way you grew into a very attractive young man makes his brain go fuzzy.

He can’t help but feel like he took advantage of you while you were in such a fragile state of mind. But he can tell that you’re not upset with him just by the way you’re holding his hand so tightly, as if you’re afraid that he’ll disappear if you let go.

“Channie, don’t let me get my hopes up, I can’t go through heartbreak like that again.” You look up at him, your bottom lip being toyed by your teeth. “If you don’t like me like that, tell me now so I can move on.”

Chan takes a few seconds to think. He decides to take a chance, not really caring about the potential backlash of it all. Fuck it, he says to himself. He surges forward and captures your lips once again.

You end up staying the night with him at the Stray Kids dorms. The both of you have a serious adult conversation about starting a relationship. You decide to keep it between you two, not wanting word to get out. You offered to tell the rest of the boys, but Chan decided to wait a while for that. You agreed, just happy that he accepts your feelings.

You spent the night cuddled up close to him, your heart full of love for him, your brain plagued with thoughts of him and your future together. All you can hope for is a happy life with him by your side.

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