#so I've experienced what it's like to make art that no one cares about at all

[candyriku]

sometimes i respond to comments on Ao3 and realize in hindsight I sound like a little wet pathetic cat. Um. Thank you for commenting I truly I feel I owe you my life but also not in a weird way!!!!!!!! Just a super casual way (I would take a bullet for people that comment on fics)

#IM SORRY IF I AM OFFPUTTING. UM. I DONT MEAN TO BE #this is my first time being alive i'm still learning #all i know is type to myself on my little google doc and then OOPS i post it #or type to myself in my tumblr tags :) #like. okay. for context on my point of view on this #i did digital art for years and posted it on twitter/ig/DA/tumblr and no one ever cared. I'd like like. two likes #so I've experienced what it's like to make art that no one cares about at all #and writing is somethign so deeply personal to me that it is like infinitely more rewarding and meaningful to have people actually like it. #like it's mind blowing and existence-affirming dude. i appreciate you #ANYWAYS

[fawnprincessblog]

𝒜𝓃𝓰𝓮𝓁'𝓈 𝒹𝓮𝓋𝓮𝓁𝓸𝓅𝓂𝓮𝓃𝓉 𝒹𝒾𝒶𝓇𝓎.

(part 1: 'the praise and some coffee') type: slow burn, fluff (tom kaulitz 2015 × fem reader)

includes : teacher × student, childish annoying immature school girl who's name is Angel (you), teacher tom, wannabe teacher's pet, age gap. tom is 25, angel is 17. plot : angel, a young, childish and innocent honour student was shunned by her schoolmates due to her being a teacher's pet, but none of that mattered whenever she ran into her favorite teacher, Tom, that she so deeply admired, who she swears on her life she will serve until the day she dies. despite being favourited by many other teachers, tom does not favour her due to her clingy behaviour. she may be smart but her hormones play a huge part in her schooling life as well.

bambi's note! : hello sweeties :3 i don't really wanna explain much but i think you guys will be sick of hearing the same lame excuse to why i disappear quite frequently. writer block makes me want to suicide sometimes, i've been trying my hardest to write, this took me months to finally put tgt. crazy that it's short too. i have drafts from last year in my docs. im also an art student, so it makes it hard to tackle both things rn. anyway, have fun reading part one of 'Angel's development diary ' :3

“Everyone now turn to page 74,” Tom instructs, his voice sharp and echoing across the classroom. The whole room was silent, only he could be heard. Nobody would disrespect a man like him, for he was rather strict, and serious, his only intention being to get his point across and educate his students. That’s what the majority saw in him. 

Well, except for one person. That was Angel. The honour student of her class.

Angel saw what other people did not care about. Despite being the very sophisticated and refined teacher everyone knew, to her he was so much more. Tom was a young, 25 year-old Maths teacher. She admired that strong body structure of his, and the way his face features all fit together. The way his hair was always worn in a messy bun, a few strands poking out the front, had just added to his good looks. He wasn’t over-dressed, like those wannabe scientists-looking teachers in her physics classes; he was rather usually seen in t-shirts. On special occasions, she got to see him in a suit. 

He wasn’t the kind to play around. He expected all his students to pass his class with flying colours, not one left behind. In fact, all teachers wished the same. In such a popular and very high-class school, of course every single student had to be well-behaved and supremely knowledgeable.

The school Angel went to was one with a high standard of academic and extracurricular achievements. It has a strong emphasis on academics and often has a highly selective acceptance rate, which makes it difficult to get in. She was quite lucky. The campus has beautiful architecture, state-of-the-art facilities, and ample resources for students' academic and personal development. The faculty members are very well-educated and experienced in their respective fields, and the school often has a high student-teacher ratio. The students are often from wealthy families with a strong academic focus, and the school often boasts a high graduation rate. 

Coming from such a school that was great and had put Angel’s reputation in great hands meant no mistakes were to be made at all. She had to maintain her good grades. And one thing is for sure: she couldn’t possibly keep having dirty thoughts about her teacher. 

“Hey, you,” Tom called out, snapping his fingers twice. “Angel?” 

She snapped out of her trance almost immediately, a little startled by his tone. “Oh—yes?” she responds, heat evidently rising in her cheeks the moment he had called out her name. Oh, when he said her name, it only served to heighten her arousal. His voice was so strong and firm, it made her squirm in her seat like a damn worm. All those dirty thoughts wouldn’t go away. 

“Are you gonna pay attention? Or is daydreaming the only thing you like to do?” Tom asked, folding his muscular arms across his chest, staring right into her soul. He had this scary glare that usually put most students in fear, but to her, it was attractive. His dominant demeanour when teaching a lesson made her imagine all these horrendous things, like how he was in bed. 

“N-No—! Um, I was listening,” Angel responds, clearing her throat. She shifted a little in her seat, tugging at the hem of her red plaid skirt. She was wet. So uncomfortably wet and aroused, she would’ve probably left a stain on the chair if she had gotten up.

“I hope so,” Tom grunted, turning back to the chalkboard to continue writing those endless amounts of Math sums. It was overwhelming to look at; all of the numbers bunched together, the dusty residue of the chalk making it even worse. It was a lot to take in, however that was just how it was. 

His teaching continued, his voice loud and clear. Angel diligently started writing down her notes, trying to keep up with his pace. Being such a good student, she had become fond of his teachings, and she was expected to have one of the highest marks among the rest, even if everyone else was already good. 

An honour student. That’s what she was. Supposedly, she was the teacher’s pet. 

She did well, joined every possible club and involved herself in every school event, making sure she was obtaining high merit points that boosted her reputation in her school. Angel was simply a good little girl that most teachers did like, but the other students, and for some reason, Tom, did not like her. They found her exasperating. 

The bell rings. Class is over, and Tom is preparing a stack of worksheets to hand out to the class on the way out. “Alright class, tomorrow I wanna see all your worksheets full of numbers. All correct and no mistakes. I believe I’ve taught you all enough on this topic, so I expect perfect answers,” he announces. “You can pack up and leave now.” 

“Sir!” Angel calls out, rising from her seat abruptly, making everyone else pause from their packing up. Majority rolled their eyes. “You forgot to take attendance. Usually you take attendance every morning before class but since you forgot the checklist you said you would—”

“Right, right, okay,” Tom interrupts, an exasperated sigh followed right after. Clearly, he was pissed. Angel was quite aware that he disliked her try-hard behaviour, in fact, she was aware everyone did. Of course as an honour student she was made to please the teachers with good grades and behaviour, but the other students knew clearly she acted the most clingy around Tom. She saw past his strict demeanour and she acted like a child around him. Always trying to point out the simplest things, always reminding him about his meetings, always trying to get him his coffee, always trying to help him out at any damn chance she got— Angel was desperate and needy for his love. She was willing to make him love her. She wanted to be his favourite student. 

He notwithstanding, saw her as a confounded girl who was beating a dead horse. A try-hard, annoying, clingy little bitch that stuck to him like a damn tick. It irritated him when she acted like his little servant. 

But Angel liked it. She didn’t care. 

“Since you wanna help so much, get the checklist for me,” Tom tells her rather bluntly, clicking a pen in his hand as he speaks. Angel’s ears perk up at his request. “What? Really?” she asks, eyes full of joy. That annoying excited voice—it made his ears bleed.

“Go get it, it's in my office,” Tom says. “And hurry. Your classmates wanna leave class.” 

“Consider it done, sir!” she enthused, immediately dashing towards the door and running straight to his office. Like a little slave, she did everything for him.

Recess time. One of the times where Angel would bother her favourite teacher the most. Even if she was trying to be helpful, she usually came off as a nuisance. He was an earnest and disciplined man, always keeping up with his set schedule. During break he’d grab coffee in the teacher’s lounge, discuss some things with his colleagues, or he’d take the coffee straight to his office so he can finish up paperwork. However he wasn’t the only one who kept to his schedule…

“Hi sir,” she greeted excitedly, grinning like an idiot. She blocked him, not allowing him to continue walking through the school hallway, which was empty since everyone else was at the cafeteria. “Where will you be taking yourself to today? Do you need help with anything?

He lets out a breath, trying his hardest to not let her irritate him right now. Angel being around him was something he couldn’t possibly avoid. It was an everyday thing now. “No,” he said simply. He then looked around. “Do I look like I need help?” His tone was dripping with sarcasm. Angel could tell, but she couldn’t be bothered. 

“You may not be holding anything that I could help you carry, but there’s other things I can help with,” Angel says. “Like, your coffee. Do you want me to get your coffee?” She was just so damn innocent  acting like a maid trying to please him with every chance she got. She really acted like life was all unicorns and rainbows, like she had not a single issue in the world.

“For the last time, I can get it myself. You’ve been asking this everyday now,” Tom sighs. “Shouldn’t you be eating? It’s recess. Go eat.”

“I already have,” Angel replies with that annoying giggle right after, making him clench his jaw. She was insufferable. That giggle was ingrained into his mind. He could recognise it from a mile away. 

“Okay, good. Now if you don’t mind, you can just mov—”

“One sachet of the coffee mix, two teaspoons of sugar and some milk to top it off,” she interrupted, making him raise an eyebrow. “You use the blue mug. Always the blue mug,” she added.

“You know my coffee?” he asked, a little disturbed by her knowledge on how he liked his coffee. His eyes narrowed to slits, peering at her.

“Yep,” she replies, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. To him, she was a complete stalker at this point. “You have about 12 minutes to go to the teacher’s lounge and get your coffee, and return back to your office to finish marking off the recent test you gave us before you have to rush to the meeting you have with Mr.Harrison about the new changes we’re making to the school’s mural art.” 

“What?” he said, almost wanting to laugh in disbelief. That was way too many words for him to comprehend. “You know my schedule?” 

“Well I memorised it,” she shrugged. “Tuesday’s and Fridays you stay in your office during break. All the other days you’re eating at the teacher’s lounge.

What the hell, he thought, looking at her with the most perplexed look he’s ever plastered onto his perfect face. “What are you doing, stalking me? My schedule is printed on paper and left in the drawer of my desk—”

“It’s also printed in my mind,” she joked, pointing a finger to her temple. 

He looks at her, bewildered. Completely uneasy. He didn’t like this. He knew she always had this weird thing for him, but he didn’t think she was this peculiar, knowing his schedule and all. Tom was taken aback by her behaviour, but he remained unruffled for now. It wasn’t too surprising, since she had been doing this for a while; asking him if she could get his coffee, but he had always declined. In the past, she had been randomly reminding him about his meetings, or anything he planned to do on that day, which he also found annoying, but today she really surprised him, wording out his entire plan for today.  

He cleared his throat. “Well, I know my own schedule, I don’t need you to tell me,” he says.

“I know. You’re very smart. But, I figured you’d like help,” she says, grinning. 

He had to get rid of her. This damn pest of a student. “I don’t. Not right now. So, If you don’t mind, Angel, please move aside so I can go.” He tries to walk past her, but she stubbornly blocks him again. 

“C’mon, I’m sure you need someone to get your coffee,” Angel insisted, looking at him with those set of pathetic eyes, ones that he insanely hated to look at. She was small, pretty, and sweet, but she was tiring. He didn’t like her. “Angel…” he sighed, wanting to snap at her, but he held back; he may be strict, but there was no reason to be shouting at a student who just wanted to help so badly, right? “...Fine. Get my coffee, bring it to my office. Now.” he finally relented, looking down at her rather annoyed that he had forced himself to give in. Oh, she really had her ways. 

“Yes, sir!” Angel exclaims, smiling widely, and she dashed off, disappearing immediately. Tom folded his arms, watching the pesky little girl run off to get his coffee like a slave. She obeyed him so much, wanting to do anything just for his attention. He chuckled a little, he couldn’t help himself.

“One coffee,” she says, placing the blue ceramic mug onto his desk slowly, as if she were a waitress. Tom had been busy on his computer, going over some emails while waiting. She had returned rather quickly. Tom flashed her a faint smile, and he took the cup, taking a small sip. She had got it right. It tasted exactly like how he wanted. 

Wait for the praise, wait for the praise, Angel thought in her mind, eagerly looking at him for a positive reaction with big, innocent eyes. 

“It’s exactly how I like it, Angel,” Tom finally says, looking up at her. He noticed her small hands fidgeting with the hem of her school skirt. “Good job,” he finally praised, his voice low and soothing. 

Angel’s cheeks immediately flushed pink. Everytime he gave her praise, her arousal hit her like a brick. She couldn’t contain herself. She could already feel herself soaking her panties. “N-No problem, sir…” Angel says, her lips slowly curling into a nervous grin. She squeezed her thighs together a little, trying to contain herself. 

“You may go now,” he says. 

“Y-Yes,” she nods, bowing a little as a sign of respect. She then left.

Tom did not know the effect he had on this girl. If only he could ease that ache.

#tokio hotel #love #boyfriend #tom kaulitz #smut #tokio hotel x reader #tom kaulitz smut #bill kaulitz smut #bill kaulitz #tom kaulitz x reader

[inventedfangirling]

My friends i watched love for love's sake and I swear i don't have a fckin clue where even to start.

I know a lot has been said about the show already and i know a LOT more would be said about in the future, but i just can't help adding my own two cents to one of the most thought-provoking, moving and brilliantly executed pieces of art i have ever seen.

I'm not gonna go on about just how much I loved Tae Myungha's character and how he is one of the most interesting people I've seen on screen in a long time. I'm not gonna talk about how unbelievably squishable Yeowoon is and how his duality totally ruined me that I need him to get into my pocket and NEVER leave. And oh I need him to put Myungha in his pocket while at it. I'm also not gonna talk about precious 'of course i'm gay, i've always liked girls, you don't know how to be loved' Sangwon is to me, cos if i start I can promise you I will most certainly never stop.

So for the sake of the rest of this post, I'm moving on. (NOT REALLY THO)

I just LOVE LOVE LOVE all the interpretations that people are coming up with, LOVE LOVE LOVE the show for filling in the gaps but LOVE it more for still leaving room for pretty thought-flowers to bloom around.

You know those artworks or puzzles that have something obvious hidden in a maze of confusion and haze until somebody points out the pattern, you zoom out and realize wow it was this clear all along?? That's a LOT of what watching the show felt like to me. The pattern being how inexplicably inter-connected Myungha and Yeowoon are. Not because they are each other's blorbos, but because why they are eo's blorbos. Why they don't care for each other from a sense of sympathy, but from empathy, despite not knowing the depth of their connections explicitly.

Eventhough we do see glimpses of it from the start, it only gets more clear later how Myungha and Yeowoon really are mirror versions of eo. How the first time Myungha sees Yeowoon he's stopping him from killing himself, and then we later find out that Myungha ends up killing himself. How both of it was triggered by a series of disappointments in life, starting with a troubling family and ending with a grandmother who passes away. Of how both of them seem to really have no one else to call their own in the world. Of leading very lonely depressing lives, that seem to never have a glimpse of hope. How both of them seem closed off, but inside they really are so fragile it hurts to perceive the depth of their feelings. It all comes and hits you once you've taken the whole show in and have gotten a few 1000 seconds to think about it.

We start off with myungha's character wanting to make his blorbo's character happy, and he's in it cos he cares about him, he doesn't have to think about himself. A 'pathetic' character experiencing a lot of pain, what's not to love, Myungha thinks, not realizing that it's his own mirror self that he is feeling so much for. Myungha sees Yeowoon's problems as someone from outside and is therefore able to objectively look at it, and approach it proactively, taking so many steps to help him, my favourite (and arguably most important) of which is the effort he puts in to help form yeowoon a friend circle. Something that he couldn't do for himself cos he never even considered a possibility of that. Why would anybody want to be around him? He ruins everything right?

And then to go on despite believing that, to falling in love, to deciding to choose to save both his grandma and yeowoon, finally FINALLY taking control into his hands even if for a bit to say what he wants, to spending the last few days together, to breaking up cos he just thinks the worst of himself, cos he doesn't know better. And then to the eternal darkness, where moments before leaving, just like in his real life, he realizes he wants in, he wants to live, he wants to love, but more importantly this time, he wants to try being loved. Even if it's difficult, he wants to try.

I love how eventhough the show is heavily Myungha focused, we get meaningful dynamics with multiple characters. Round eyed gasp inducing moments dont just belong to the two mains but also to sangwon whose line to myungha post the stalker incident just ruined me and really set the tone for whatever the show was later revealed to be all about.

I love how complicated the narrative got while still telling a more or less coherent story, how in hindsight, a lot of it makes even more sense now. How as Myungha gets closer to yeowoon his self-hating tendencies manifest in the form of debuffs and errors, because of his own brain's inability to perceive himself as somebody deserving love. His childhood trauma and the numerous rejections life has given him, because of the kind of person he turned out to be because of those rejections, all appear to stand in his way of happiness, as if he can't help being a bundle of sadness and a harbinger of problems. Even as he says he doesn't believe in destiny or fate. Or as we initially are made to believe in the game as, yeowoon's happiness, when in reality this was never about yeowoon at all. Yeowoon never existed in the first place and in "real" life, he never does.

I was blown away by how Myungha is in fact no longer in the mortal world but that fact doesn't hurt as much as that he would have to leave a world where he could finally feel happiness, feel loved, feel cared for, even if he consciously tried avoiding them. They still came to him, they still cared for him, they still fiercely wanted to protect him, (Cos he is just a tiny meow meow, who has been hurt a lot in his life, who wouldn't wanna caress and nurse him back to health HUH) just as much as he wanted to protect them.

And coming to the question of what's the game, where is it happening and who orchestrated it? It's definitely set in the afterlife or the limbo between life and the life after. It could be the author friend doing it, or the author friend has given myungha's brain the power to control the game OR of course the possibility that this has all been happening in myungha's head the whole time.

Whatever it is, the whole point has been to take Myungha from a person not wanting to live his life, feeling so devoid of love and happiness, to a journey of love and friendship, of the importance of fostering connections, of making efforts, of helping others, but equally of letting others help you, of putting your hand out and asking for that help. And in my head I love it most when I think of it as entirely Myungha orchestrated. Of it being a desperate cry of pain to himself, from himself, to save himself. Yeowoon and the game and the missions and all of it was for him to see himself in ways he never allowed himself to be seen as, to take care of himself in ways he never has, to love himself like he has never known to. To finally run towards himself, even if pathetic and sad, the Cha Yeowoon of the game, the person waiting at the end of the finishing line was the Tae Myungha in him all along.

You know that tumblr quote 'do it for her' but its about your future self, right? Myungha rooting for Yeowoon is sort of like that? When he's protecing him, he's protecting himself? When he's cheering for him, he's actually cheering and rooting for himself? When he's loving him, he makes space and place to love himself?

I just love the idea of a (self) love story.

Eitherway Yeowoon x Myungha supremacy.

Extreme(ly accurate?) Interpretations apart, Love for Love's Sake is truly one of the, if not THE finest (self) love story I might have ever seen.

As a person who avoids fics/books with mcd or shows with tragic endings, it felt absolutely revolutionary to me that my biggest joy and relief came from the fact that the main character is dead (the thought of myungha having to leave the game was too much to handle) and he gets to live in this game where he has a cute boyfriend, a supportive, caring friend group and his grandma back. it wasn't the game that was temporary or non-existent, it was actually his life outside. And that's not bad? Cos this is a story and Myungha isn't real, but as real as he is, he got his happy ending.

The show taught us to love, to see love, to be loved and to share that love. It told us that maybe the afterlife is a videogame simulation where we all get to live in friendship and love forever, with our blorbo and our friends. There are a lot worse lives to live. And I'm glad he found it in himself, enough love, courage and hope to write himself a better one :')

#love for love's sake #love supremacy zone #bless this show #tae myung ha #cha yeowoon #korean bl #myungha x yeowoon #kbl #already 2024 favourite #i'd be shocked if anything could beat it #this is ofc just my own interpretation #meta #love for love's sake meta #okbai i have to post it now or i will be writing for EVER

[islayhawkin]

Sleep

Ominis gaunt x reader

Based on my headcanon: At home ominis had to sleep on the floor as a punishment so he still feels safest sleeping on the floor.

Hurt/comfort

A/N: maybe part 2 is coming. Requests are in the making but struggeling rn so please have patience.

Art by @SHIMAUMAko_BH

You had witnessed ominis sleeping in unusual places on multiple occasions. There even were some rumours from younger students that 'the gaunt boy is a vampire'.

Though you were always quick to shut them up if you came to hear one of the remarks, sometimes you wondered what he did at night to be so tired during the day. Or rather- you worried. Sometimes you found him crouch his long limps into a armchair in the common room and you always picked up a blanket to drape over him. A lot of the times he was sleeping in the back of the class or fell asleep on top of a library table while you were studying.

You kind of whished you could carry him to bed at those moments. And if it was night and no one was around you did levioso him at least onto a more comfortable place.

Ominis relished the feeling of a blanket over him every time he woke up. The thought that you tucked him into a blanket while he slept made him feel safe when he woke up. It was wonderful that you cared for him in such small actions. He never experienced it throughout his childhood.

It's not as if his mother would look out that he was comfortable.

You were just finished with your classes and walked into the undercroft when you noticed Ominis on the side of the room. You stopped short a bit startled at the sight. From what you saw ominis was sleeping. Or he wasn't feeling well at all.

You quickly made your way over to him and dropped to your knees in front of the rolled in ominis. After seeing him breath with a relaxed expression on his face you sighed in relief. He always looked oddly vulnerable when he slept. His hair slightly more unruly , his eyebrows not creased together, his lips slightly open.

"Ominis..." you whispered softly and caressed his cheek gently.

His eyelids fluttered open slowly and his unseeing eyes darted from left to right to see something he'd never be able to register. Even though he lived with the blindness his whole life it was still a natural habit of his body he always did, especially when he hadn't had the situation under control or he didn't know what was going on.

"Hey it's me. No worries." You stroked your hand over his head before pulling away as he sat up.

"Hi. What are you doing here?" He muttered, still a bit out of it.

"What am I  doing here? You were sleeping on the floor. I thought you were hurt." You smiled amused.

"Oh right. Apologies. It seems I've fallen asleep." He swiftly stood up and you followed.

Ominis combed a hand through his hair to check if it was still decent. "Let me do that." You chuckled as you rearranged his hair to look like it normally did.

"How can you accidently fall asleep on the floor?" He muttered a thanks but stayed silent otherwise. You raised your eyes to his. Your brows raised questioningly.

"I was...tired." he said quietly after the moment of silence. There was that frown on his face again. You knew there was more to that but you didn't want to press him.

"Okay." You scanned his face as the flickering light of the fire in the room illuminted the side of his face.

"I was just about to take a restful afternoon. You can gladly join if you're not too busy sleeping."

He smiled softly and joined you on the couch. You packed your book out and made yourself comfy next to him. Ominis relaxed on the couch too and let himself fall against the armrest.

He heard your pages turning. "Can you read aloud?" He asked.

You grinned. "Of course. I'm in the middle of the book though."

"Mhm. Doesn't matter." He let his head fall back and closed his eyes. He just wanted to hear your voice.

You read aloud for him and sometimes made different voices with different characters. Ominis loved these moments. Listening to you and not having to worry about anything. Relishing the warmth and familiarity of it. He thought that this was probably what most people felt at home.                                

***

You had a sleepover at the boys dorm that day. Actually it wasn't planned. But you had a lot of last minute work to do with sebastian (ominis had finished already but enjoyed laughing at his friends frustration) so it got late and you decided to stay.

Gladly the two boys were the only ones in their dorm at the moment so that you could easily take on of the beds.

You stirred awake in the middle of the night, the only sound in the room was Sebastian snoring quite loudly. Your gaze wandered to the bed beside you where Ominis should slumber too but you didn't see his silhouette in the moonlight.

You sat groggily up and searched the room for the blond slytherin. A frown made it's way on your face as you didn't see him anywhere else in the room either. You quietly got up with the intention to go to the common room in search for him but were stopped short when you almost stumbled over the ground.

Ominis figure lay cowered on the floor in front of his bed. His form trembled a bit on the cold ground and if you weren't mistaken small whimpers left his mouth, which made him almost look like a hurt puppy.

You presumed he had been sleepwalking though you never heard Sebastian complain. On the other hand Sebastian was still sleeping soundly in his bed.

You kneeled slowly down in front of him and gently touched his shoulder. A flinch went through his body and he cowered even more into a fetal position. You quickly took your hand back.

"Ominis..." you whispered.

His eyes flew open. He tried to feel on the ground where he was but didn't dare move with his body. His eyes darted nervously from left to right.

"Ominis." You gently lay a hand on his messy hair. His whole body tensed up and he curled in on himself. His hands shot up to cling to his head as if to protect it.

"I apologize. Please. I will behave better." He begged with a strained voice.

You frowned deeply. "Ominis. It's me. I don't understand- you don't have to apologize."

His limps loosened slightly. "Y/N?"

"Yes. Yes it's me. I'm here." Your hand twitched to touch him but you didn't dare after his last reactions.

He slowly uncurled himself out of his position and sat up slowly. His hands searched his surroundings.

"Are you hurt? Wh-what are you doing here? Did they hurt you?" He asked slightly panicked.

"I'm not hurt. I'm perfectly alright. I was just sleeping in the bed next to you."

"You need to go. She'll come back. There is a window somewhere." He quickly stumbled up in search of the window but you pulled him back before he could bump into Sebastians bed.

"Ominis what are you doing? What's wrong with you?" You whisper softly. Your hand still holding onto his arm. It was now in the moonlight that you could see tears brimming in Ominis' eyes.

"She'll come back. They're going to hurt you. They're going to make me hurt you. I'm sure of it. You need to go immediately."

You firmly took his hand in yours. "Ominis. Listen to me. Nobody is going to come. We're safe here. You probably had a bad dream."

He shook his head and went through his hair. He stilled at the feeling of his messy hair hanging down into his face.

"It's not supposed to be messy...I need to get it straight..." he muttered hectically as he desperately tried to pull his hair back into it's usual slicked back position.

"Stop it." You grapped his hand and held both of them in yours.

"Ominis you are at hogwarts. In your dorm. Sebastian is still snoring in his sleep as always. Your wand is laying on your bedside table. Your hair can look messy. You were sleeping."

He blinked confused. "I am at hogwarts?" He asked meakly. You guide his hand to his familiar bedpost.

"Yes love. See, that's your bed. What is going on? Did you have a bad dream? You were sleeping on the floor."

He relaxed at the feeling of the familiar surroundings. "Is Sebastian alright?" Even if he knew he was at hogwarts now he still couldn't shake the feeling of fear.

"He definitely is. Listen." It was silent for a moment before a small snore came from Sebastian.

Ominis sighed out in relief and swallowed. "I- I'm sorry. I just had a bad dream I suppose."

"Did you think you were at the gaunt mansion?" you whispered.

He lowered his head. "Yes."

"Oh ominis." You guided him to sit onto his bed with you.

He was quiet for a moment but you could see his mind reeling. You on the other hand thought back to last time were you caught him sleeping on the floor in the undercroft.

"Why were you sleeping on the floor?" You asked quietly.

He turned his head slightly away from you.

"I- I don't see how that's any of your business..." he snapped but the guilt was immediately visible on his face.

You recoiled slightly from his tone. You knew not to take it personal, it was ominis way of defending himself, but it still didn't feel nice.

"If you don't want to tell me it's alright. I don't want to push you. I just...worry you know." you muttered.

He sighed and pinched his nose in frustration. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"You don't want to tell me?"

"You'd think me pathetic." Ominis frowned.

"I won't. Never. You know that."

He did know that. He still didn't want to tell you because he felt pathetic.

"At home, they- they'd use it as a punishment. To let me sleep on the floor. The ground was always cold stone. But when I slept on the floor it was safer for me. The possibility that they'd do something was less. So I did it out of free will often. The cold floor meant safety. I seem to have held that habit."

It took you a moment to register those horrible images in your mind.

"Merlin, ominis that's terrible. Does Seb know?"

"Mhm yeah most of it."

"No wonder he's always dragging you with him to feldcroft." You muttered and looked up at the side of Ominis again. The moles on his face now evident to your view.

"May I hug you?"

Ominis stiffned a bit but gave a nod. It wasn't as if you hadn't hugged him before but you knew he was sensitive with touch so especially in such situations you at least allerted him to your actions.

You gently placed your arms around him and rested your head against his shoulder. You squeezed him slightly against you and though he sat stiff at first, he relaxed into the touch after some time.

"There is no need for you to be afraid anymore. You're safe now. You'll never have to go back there ever again. I'll make sure of that." You rubbed your hand against his waist. He felt even skinnier when you held him so closely. Ominis smiled sadly.

"Thank you. But you can't know that. You wouldn't stand a chance against them. And I wouldn't want you to...I'm still grateful that you're here though."

"I cannot make promises. But I will do everything in my power to prevent it. And I know I'm not even pureblooded but believe me if your safety is at stake I can make things happen." You gave him a playful nudge to lighten the mood.

"Thank you." His head was tilted to you. It was his way of showing that he was listening while his eyes stared at a spot to the right of you.

You both sat like that for a moment, leaning against eachother. Your arms around his waist holding him close. With every breath he took your arms moved a bit too.

"Do you think you'll be able to sleep again?" You whispered.

"Yes..." his quiet voice was barely audible.

"Okay. If you need anything I'm right next to you. And Sebastian is on the other side of you." You gave his cheek a kiss and left him alone on his bed as you snuck under your own covers again.

He sat there for a moment and listened to your shuffles but got in his own bed when silence settled over the room. You watched his silhouette before closing your eyes and falling into sleep again.

#ominis gaunt x reader #ominis gaunt #hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #fanfiction #the gaunts hc #hogwarts legacy ominis #ominis x mc

[comradekatara]

so i read azula in the spirit temple. i actually quite liked it! it helps that she looks absolutely gorgeous in wartman's art style. it's so much easier to digest this new batch of hicks comics, not only because they're actually being written by someone who understands the themes and characters of atla, but because they're so much more aesthetically pleasing than the former art style, which didn't do any characters any favors.

now, i'm gonna venture into spoiler territory as i discuss specific panels, so if that's something to wish to avoid for now, i've put the rest of this post under a readmore. also, send me an ask if you want the link for the full comic, and thank you to @samtamdan for providing me with it!

i. thesis.

first of all, the idea that azula could have found "redemption" in the temple was teleologically illusory, due to the fundamental premise of how such "redemption" was being facilitated. that said, i don't think it was her "crossroads of destiny" moment (a potential for change wherein zuko chose wrong), but rather the leadup to "crossroads of destiny," which is to say, his metamorphic fever dream. like zuko, she's seeing visions of her loved ones manifested from her subconscious giving her conflicting accounts as to who she is and what she should do. so while the seeds are being planted, her growth is still to come.

but genuine growth cannot be facilitated in this manner. how can azula embrace "growth" she knows to be an illusion? she's definitely not being overly paranoid here by refusing to "just accept what is offered," especially considering she has experienced psychosis in the past. while i think that this spirit does accurately acknowledge the root of azula's core issue, which is that she was raised in an environment where she was denied unconditional love in such a way that she convinced herself she was fundamentally unlovable and undeserving of care (thus motivating her to overcompensate through avenues she could excel in), the visions the spirit offers don't actually provide azula with unconditional love. they list her accomplishments and state how she is a credit to her nation, but that won't allow for azula to recognize that what she truly craves is a love that transcends stipulations and is not facilitated through fear. she can't have any sort of emotional breakthrough when she is being praised for aspects of herself that were valued and fostered by her abuser who indoctrinated her into an imperialist ideology, and so the promise of "redemption" (in this particular instance) was hollow from the start, and i think that she was right to ultimately reject it.

however, her moments of genuine vulnerability wherein she voices her repressed subconscious fears may lead to her eventually arriving at a greater self-awareness and emotional clarity on her own somewhere down the line.

ii. manifestations.

a small detail i loved was when ty lee appeared to her, i could immediately tell that she was an illusion, because she was acting how azula sees her. the beginning of the comic even foreshadows this "reveal" (i mean, i think it would have been more shocking had she actually been real, but you get what i mean) by showing us a glimpse of ty lee acting more authentically now that she's no longer under azula's thumb. and it's particularly amusing to me that in azula's mind, ty lee is a perky airhead and mai is a massive cunt.

not gonna lie, the fact that this is how azula sees mai made me laugh.

of course, ty lee does always feign oblivious cheer around azula, and mai is blunt and honest to the point that she can sometimes seem mean, but it also speaks to the fact that as much as azula clearly cares so much about them, she's never truly understood them. that said, azula's last clear memory of mai is her choosing to say the exact words that she knew would hurt azula most ("you miscalculated, i love zuko more than i fear you") so it makes sense that her subconscious would now manifest a version of mai who voices azula's innermost fears.

furthermore, the fact that mai would manifest to azula as an extension/double of ty lee instead of as her own person, wearing the kyoshi uniform even though mai herself is not a kyoshi warrior, is such an interesting choice to me. i think it signifies how azula views mai and ty lee as a cohesive unit; they are inextricably linked in her mind due to the fact that they chose each other over her. while zuko does appear later as a manifestation out of the same figure, he is wearing his firelord robes, indicating that azula's memory of mai in kyoshi warrior garb back in book 2 is significant to her. i think it can be read as a clever allusion to that very subtle moment of foreshadowing in book 2, but it primarily indicates how azula sees mai and ty lee as two faces of the same body, donning the garb they once wore as a disguise – only now it indicates that their dual loyalties were also in opposition to azula.

ty lee, on the other hand, can only be a bitch to azula obliviously, when she appears ignorant of how much her words have the capacity to hurt her. considering this is a continuation of the yang established canon, the fact that (azula's vision of) ty lee would so casually suggest azula seek help from a psychiatric institution would read as condescending mockery and is clearly incredibly triggering for her, but her phrasing allows for an ambiguity of intention that azula has come to associate with ty lee's discursive affect.

of course, we as the audience know that ty lee was always perfectly conscious of how to veil her insults towards azula with enough plausible deniability that azula didn't even register them as deliberate insults at all. however, i wonder whether time away from ty lee with the hindsight of her betrayal allowed azula to reframe the nature of their relationship. and while she does still see ty lee as enduringly cheerful, that also makes sense considering she never truly witnessed ty lee drop her mask.

these nuances are the kinds of subtle distinctions only someone who truly understands their characters could write, which is why i'm so grateful they ditched yang and hired hicks.

iii. love and friendship.

i also love these panels in particular as they speak to azula's feelings for mai and ty lee. despite her... less than stellar treatment of them, it's always been clear that azula does love her friends. the reason their betrayal hit her so hard is because she wanted them to care about her as much as she cared about them, and she rationalized that hurt after the fact by claiming that she was actually upset because they betrayed "their nation." this rationalization is a pattern for her, psychologically. azula uses her status as a means of elevate herself, while simultaneously debasing her personhood/humanity (not only viewing herself as a vessel/weapon, but fearing that she is in fact a "monster") as she fears that she is uniquely unworthy of love. the irony there is that her status as the prodigious fire nation princess was what led to her dehumanization, and (like zuko and iroh before her) deconstructing her imperialist ideology would be a necessary step in her ability to uninternalize the way she sees herself stemming from ozai's abuse.

i also found it interesting that azula calls zuko a "stupid boy who didn't even want her." there are so many layers to that claim. first of all, zuko isn't just a random boy (although he might be stupid). he's her brother, and as much as she may deny it, she cares about him deeply. but here, the fact that zuko is a boy takes precedent over the fact that he's her brother, which screams teenage lesbian logic to me. azula cannot understand why her friends would choose a boy over the close female friendship that meant so much to her because her attempt to inhabit mai's perspective, as a girl who has romantic feelings for a boy, is genuinely impossible to her. i know this interpretation may seem like a stretch, but i really don't think that azula would say "she broke up our team for a stupid boy" and not "for my stupid brother" otherwise, considering that azula does have an established precedent of feeling specifically hurt by her loved ones choosing zuko over her. her wording is distinctly gay here.

furthermore, azula claims that zuko "didn't even want her." i've talked before about how azula is hoisted by her own petard regarding mai's betrayal, since she initially set zuko and mai up (there is a comic that establishes this, but since i don't consider the comics canon, i will also say that this reading is heavily implied in "the awakening"), whether to control both of them through each other, or as an incentive to keep zuko on her side, or out of a genuine altruistic desire to matchmake, or a combination of the above, or otherwise, and that choice to bring them together ended up backfiring spectacularly. but i think the fact that azula had to pull the strings to get them together also led her to assume that any care they might have had for each other wasn't genuine, and while i think that to a degree she is correct, because their relationship was largely a hollow facade, she could not have expected that their relationship would lead to their breakup which led to their conversation in the boiling rock that motivated mai to take a stand. (and of course there's also the fact that the wording of the latter clause, azula claiming that zuko didn't want mai, is equally as gay as the former. she may as well have called zuko a slur here.)

sidenote: while i could definitely spend ample time dissecting this entire panel, for now i'm just going to address the fact that the boy azula sees in her initial dream sequence isn't even chan (the guy she kissed) but ruon-jian. obviously azula in this moment knows that her hair looks like shit (although i think the overgrown uneven bangs are a really cute look on her tbh) and she's stinky from running around in the woods for however long she has, but the fact that the voice presenting that compliment to her isn't even coming from the boy she ostensibly "liked" makes it even more evident that she cares about validation from boys insofar as she believes that she is supposed to, but doesn't actually care enough about them as individuals to distinguish between them. chan and ruon-jian are interchangeable symbols to her that function to affirm her (heterosexual) femininity, but she still cannot fathom why anyone would forsake their cherished female friends out of genuine feeling for "a stupid boy." azula is such a baby lesbian.

and finally, the fact that this entire plot is incited by her replacement girl group choosing one of their own over her command illustrates how much mai and ty lee's betrayal still resonates. she is attempting to cling to an idealized past via recreating their friend group, but she still hasn't learned her lesson that she cannot make genuine friends by being controlling and ruling through fear, and so history repeats itself, and they, too, leave her. hopefully her next endeavor to find a friend group of likeminded girls will be tempered by newfound knowledge that love and mutual support creates stronger bonds than fear, but since she has yet to be shown genuine care from anyone in her life, that has yet to be seen.

iv. parents.

one quibble i do have is that because hicks has to adhere to the precedent set by the yang comics, despite navigating and adapting to those precedents deftly, some choices simply fall flat. for the most prominent example, the retcon that ursa is still alive necessitates that azula's understanding of her mother's absence is slightly muddied, but that's always gonna be a choice i disagree with, so i can't exactly single out this particular comic when it nonetheless does such a great job of attempting to mitigate prior issues, mostly by focusing entirely on its role as a psychological character study rather than attempting to deal with the mess of a plot that yang established.

that said, i do think that this panel is really poignant, and the fact that azula is even able to speak to her fear of ozai is a really big step for her. i think that azula acknowledging that she legitimately didn't have a choice is actually a really important milestone on her path to healing. her cognitive dissonance regarding her denial that ozai's abuse dictated her actions through fear is a matter she needs to address and articulate fully if she is ever to find peace. it's understandably difficult for her to reconcile her lack of agency and how terrifying the circumstances of her childhood were, and she even oscillates here between acknowledging that she was terrified of ozai and claiming that ozai is the only family she has left who hasn't betrayed her. i think that azula almost wants to be a monster who drives everyone away because that means that she nonetheless has enough control to be responsible for her fate, and actually facing the extent to which ozai's abuse shaped her is really scary. moreover, it's still difficult for azula to recognize how much harm ozai has caused her because she has no other form of material support, and without the hollow approval of her abuser, she is truly and utterly alone. which, incidentally, is exactly why he isolated her in the first place.

v. conclusion.

while, i know that some people may be disappointed that the telos seemed like a net zero, i think that the push towards isolated character studies that don't affect the plot since hicks was hired actually works really really well considering she understands each character well enough to write these compelling little character studies that largely serve to reinforce the themes of the show via placing a single character under a microscope. and while i think the toph and katara standalone comics were cute but unmemorable, the suki and azula comics were really good because they are both characters who can benefit from having their perspectives foregrounded, whereas we already get plenty of foregrounded pov from toph and (especially) katara in the show itself. azula is a character whose inner life is largely relegated to subtext, so seeing her literal subconscious battle itself upon her spiritually-manifested psychological landscape was a really cool way of communicating her latent internal struggle that has compelled me for so long. despite it being a relatively short comic, there was so much to unpack here that i could really only choose so many key panels to discuss, but that depth and richness to the text is something i appreciate greatly. azula is one of my favorite characters to analyze, so this comic was really like a field day for me.

and here are just some panels i found particularly amusing:

gotta find a way to take potshots at zuzu even when she's completely alone. she's such a little sister sometimes.

tl;dr: overall, i really enjoyed this aesthetically pleasing character study of azula's shattered psyche, and although i only unpack a handful of my favorite panels in this post, i am happy to discuss any further thoughts you guys may have regarding other facets of this comic in my inbox!

#id in alt text #this got really long lmao #analysis #azula in the spirit temple #azula #mai #ty lee #azula&mai #azula&tylee #maixtylee #azula&zuko #mai&zuko #azula&ursa #azula&ozai #<– THERE'S A LOT HERE OKAY #good comic 👍🏼

[msallurea]

How to Change Self - Edward Art Edition

To change self is to change your "I AM".

1. I think of what I want to be, ANYTHING

2. Then I assume I am that in IMAGINATION ONLY

3. Now I walk in my physical world persisting in the knowing that what my inner man(self) experienced is truth and that I did truly experience that, in its own miraculous way in ways we just cant explain thats so natural almost coincidental it will come to pass

But Ms. Allurea why should we only change ourselves in imagination only?

You change who you are being in imagination because IMAGINATION IS THE ONLY REALITY/CREATES REALITY. Therefore in order to change what you are seeing you must first change who you are being. Since I know that the inner man is self and all I must do is change self to change my reality, I go within and become the one I want to be in imagination knowing that who i am within is truth because i do not identify as this outer body but as the inner man and when i say "I AM" i do not speak of the senses but of my eternal being which is the inner man(the I AM, my true self).

Well Ms. Allurea how do I know that I've changed self?

You will know because you will feel a sense of fulfillment. You see self was already changed the moment you desired it to be changed. But sometimes we tend to forget this, by thinking that we need to do something in order to get what we want. The moment you stop DOING and start BEING is the moment you've changed self. You've shifted your state from trying to get to now already being it. That is the goal, to realize that you aren't getting anything but realizing that you've already had it the second you wanted it.

But Ms. Allurea what about methods? If I affirm does that not mean I'm fulfilled?

Oh no no darling, you can definitely still do methods. But it's a matter of what are you doing those methods for? When you affirm, are you affirming because you enjoy it? Are you affirming because it satisfies your imagination? Are you affirming to remind yourself when you forget it's already taken care of? Or are you affirming to bring something to you/to get something? How about visualizing, are you visualizing because you want to and it makes you feel good or are you visualizing because u think you have to and feel that in order to get what you want you must visualize? The methods are not the issue it's how you use the method that is. This is why you hear ppl say that no matter what method u use maybe every method works, some works or even none because it's entirely based on what you're assuming. Either way, it all depends on how you look at it, and no matter which way you look at it whether you assume using a method makes your desire come quicker or you're doing the method for fun YOU ARE STILL OPERATING OFF WHO YOU ARE BEING. Which is why no matter what you do, do it from a position of changing your I am(self) and experiencing what you want to experience through your real self.

But Ms. Allurea I wanna see my desires in 3d and-

Well then my dear you haven't learned a single thing about loa or manifestation in general. The 3d cannot give you anything let alone fulfill you. Let's say you did have your desire in 3d I'm sure on the first day you're probably squealing with joy..now turn 1 day into 1 year, 9/10 you're not even squealing like before and your just like meh this is normal I have it and that's that onto the next desire. See the desire itself isn't the thing we want at all, but the feeling that comes with it. No matter how big or small it may be, there's always something attached to this idea that makes us want it. Why did you desire what you desired in the first place? Because whatever it was, when thinking about its fulfillment made you feel something that satisfied you and made you feel good. With that being said my friends, you can give yourself all those feelings you want to feel by feeling them now within yourself through experiencing what you Want to experience within imagination. And yet somehow some way, in a way that's so natural and just can't be explained, so much so you would have thought "well it would have happened anyway" you practically forgot that you even desired it in the first place because of how unexplainably natural it was..that same thing you desired to have on the outside actually ends up being right there seen with your own human eyes. But why? Because the 3d is just a copy of imagination acts that we've accepted as true that in its own way harden into fact in our physical world.

Do not move through the world with your eyes of sight but through the eyes of faith, for faith sees beyond what the human eyes are limited to and the inner man can experience beyond what the outer man senses. Turn away from and disregard your organs and instead listen to who you are being NOT what you are doing. It's through faith that you are the inner man experiencing your desire, that your outer man also reflects this as well because who you are in the eyes of the flesh, was first who you became through the eyes of I AM.

#msallurea #law of assumption #manifestation #my blog #manifesting #neville goddard #affirm and persist #edward art

[buskingalbatross]

I've been a part of the phandom since I was fourteen back in 2012, but i've only recently deviated from my lurker ways and started being active in this community on tumblr. which I have been enjoying immensely! I'm super confused about something however, and so i'm making a post about it. please help.

often when I see the word "parasocial" used among the dnp audience, I've noticed that it's used with really negative connotations. Or with the implication that having a parasocial relationship is inherently bad and terrible. today, for instance, I've seen the term parasocial likened directly to "creepy."

I'd like to ask why that is-what has led to the perception of a parasocial relationship in this fandom as one that is intrinsically invasive and creepy. And I'd like also to put forth my own thoughts on why I think it's unhelpful and incorrect that we use this term to be a near synonym for creepy.

first, a definition. I'm turning to Hank Green for this, as he succinctly sums up what a parasocial relationship is in this vlogbrothers video (a recommended watch). He says a parasocial relationship forms "when the parts of your brain that are designed to have a social relationship between you and another person are used to have a relationship with a person who does not know who you are or, sometimes, cannot know who you are... because they're Huckleberry Finn."

At its most basic, a parasocial relationship is a relationship between you and someone fictional or nonfictional who doesn't know who you are. Hank goes on to say, importantly! that parasocial relationships have been happening since the beginning of time. People have been fans of famous or talented people since time immemorial, people have cared for fictional people since the first stories were told among humans.

~ ✌🏻continued below✌🏻 ~

Similarly, in one of his Am I The Hole videos, Phil says that becoming obsessed with things is normal. "People hyperfixate on stuff. It's fine." We all do it.

In many ways, parasocial relationships are as natural as myriad other forms of human bonds. Humans can't help but connect to each other. To other living and even non-living things. Bonding and connecting and forming communities is what we do. And because of that, I think it's a disservice to oneself be ashamed of being in a parasocial relationship, or to use parasocial as a term to serve as a stand in for a disrespectful fan of someone. I think it fosters a sense of guilt where there shouldn't necessarily be any, especially if you as a viewer of Dan and Phil are respecting the boundaries they have set. You are doing something so normal! So human! You are finding support and comfort and empowerment and motivation and creativity and any number of other things from other people.

There is great joy and great good that can come from parasocial relationships. Obviously! Think of Phil's birthday stream, the feelings you experienced when the lights came on in the theater after TATINOF, all the laughs (among other things) Dan and Phil have gotten from our memes and art.

And it's important to consider the other side of this as well. Dan and Phil also have a parasocial relationship with us. It's different, of course, but they do think of us, make decisions because of us, without truly knowing us. At different points in time maybe they know the loudest of us, a few individuals, but for the most part they do not know who we are. They don't know who you are. But they do think about you. They think about what ties us together, our queerness, our beliefs about the world, the internet, our status as socially awkward and or mentally ill nerds etc. They think about how certain videos or projects or merch will be received. All creators are in a relationship with their audience. And it is often a parasocial one.

Basically i find myself exasperated with stumbling over the word 'parasocial' in this fandom. I want to have the information and know the truth and add my own thoughts! Maybe parasocial is used by other people elsewhere on the internet to mean something bad, but my thesis is this: it's not a bad word. It's a descriptor. And it's a normal thing. Those people are wrong. You shouldn't feel bad about being in a parasocial relationship with Dan and Phil! You should call that relationship what it is with pride! And do as much good with it as you can.

conclusion: talk to me about this! What is your perspective, what am I missing? let me know please. would be happy to talk about this with anyone.

(ok what do i do now do i thank you for reading? i don't do this. text post over.)

#dnp #dan and phil #phandom #long post #phan #danisnotonfire #AmazingPhil

[neonscandal]

something I wanted to understand, the author said that satoru was quite a womanizer, but then he said that geto was much more popular among women than satoru I didn't understand

Technically, the author said that they didn't see Gojo being faithful to one or a certain woman not that he was a womanizer.

With what we know about Gojo (and Gege Akutami's trolling ways, for that matter), I think that's up for interpretation.

FAN INTERPRETATION

Fans really took that sentiment and kind of ran with it because, to us, Gojo is high spec in every way. Canonically good looking, tall, competent at like.. everything according to Akutami, strong and presumably loaded. Of course someone like that would be a womanizer, right?

Except Gojo is an oversized child who still kinda refers to Digimon in conversation and primarily hangs out with 16 year olds. People project a lot of their BS onto him because they can't imagine ticking all those boxes and not being an asshole. But he’s a corny dork who is seemingly impervious to the outright disdain of most of the people around him. IT’S COMICAL. Personally, I think this interpretation is incorrect, demonstrably.

The other side of the fandom is naturally like... well of course he couldn't stay faithful to one woman. He's been faithful to Geto for ten years! I think we know what camp I've pitched my tent in *gestures vaguely to the rest of my blog* Especially when you bear in mind that Gege Akutami specifically designed Gojo and Geto to be intrinsic complements of one another.

CANON

I'm not so SatoSugu addled (once the brain rot sets in, it's terminal) that I am unable to disclose the secret third way we can interpret this. Canonically, when we look at Gojo as a character... it almost makes sense to assume he's simply not interested in dating at all.

Empirically finds it hard to relate to others

Even when he does care for others, he's still emotionally shallow and aware of it

Gojo clan leader with all associated unpleasantries and responsibilities from a young age

Single benefactor to two children; assumes direct responsibility over two more by staving off their execution

First line of defense for all of jujutsu society

Has a grand design of toppling said jujutsu society

Has experienced devastating loss which informs the grand design of his life's mission and he's always plotting, even when it comes to the seemingly altruistic act of "adopting" the Fushiguro kids or pressing Yuta and Yuji to learn under his care. When you consider that context, it furthers the idea that he's pretty divorced from emotion. Like, he wants them to have a childhood but its still at the pleasure of his convenience and ultimate purpose.

LOOK at this gorgeous, gorgeous boy from pop layer art because I need it and, when I covet, you must also covet. Edit: I'd accidently copied the wrong link there! It's been fixed 💙

In universe, we've seen maybe two canonical couples: Yuta & Rika and Hakari & Kirara (to be animated). This supports the fact that Gege's not really concerned with injecting "romance" into the plot unnecessarily. Undeniably and supporting the SatoSugu agenda, however, is the fact that JJK 0 very much aligned Gojo & Geto with Yuta & Rika with the theme coming to a head in season 2 with Gojo's sealment. For clarity, I mean how love ultimately cursed Rika and Geto after death by Yuta's begging her not to leave and Gojo not properly disposing of Geto's body. Love turned Rika into a curse and allowed Kenjaku to swoop in on Geto.

GETO'S POPULARITY

Geto is, quite literally, popular with everyone in universe and that was before he became a cult leader... which also indicates a predilection for popularity, I guess? As a character, he is principled, thoughtful, gentle and strong. I think, collectively, we tend to toil over the fact that Gojo spent more time missing Geto than he actually knew him. But... that's the same for Shoko and Nanami. After Geto's defection, Nanami couldn't forsake him even if he morally couldn't approve of his actions. Over ten years later as the night parade of a hundred demons is set to take place, Yaga starts saying something along the lines of finally getting rid of the scourge that is Suguru Geto and Shoko makes it a point to leave. I think it's because, after everything, she still holds affection and pity for Geto and would rather not hear him being bad-mouthed for breaking under the pressure of things.

He was the best of them, after all.

#neon asks #anon asks #we are the strongest #stsg #satosugu #gojo #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #anime #manga #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk meta #jjk character analysis #head canon #character analysis #anime analysis #gojo analysis #geto suguru #suguru geto #satosugu brainrot #jjk brainrot #jjk headcanons

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I confronted my boyfriend about not feeling praised enough? Over dumb D&D shit?

Background - I (20s F) live with my boyfriend (30s M) and things are usually great. He's always been supportive, emotionally intelligent and caring and we've had no major problems. We met via D&D several years ago so it's pretty important to both of us, and I'm a DM. Before we met, he was involved in a years-long campaign with some friends and is generally more experienced in D&D than me (I've been DMing around 5 years, he's probably closer to 10).

The current campaign that I'm running is something I'm really proud of. It's a mid-length campaign and I made the story myself (I typically plan mine to be 6-8ish months to avoid things fizzling out) and I've tried really hard to step up my writing and story planning for this one.

I've put in a LOT of extra time and effort and have been holding myself to a much higher standard than I usually do. As a DM I get self-conscious over how much time people are spending with me each week, and I want to make sure it's REALLY worthwhile. And because my boyfriend is more experienced in D&D than me, I've been looking to him for feedback and/or praise, as it would mean a lot to me coming from him.

And I've been getting close to nothing. At the end of each session he immediately falls asleep and doesn't talk about it at all. It makes me feel like I'm keeping him up/boring him. So I started asking him things like "hey what did you think about how I handled X" and he'll give a brief response like "yeah it was great" without explaining anything.

He didn't even give much thought into the character he's playing either - for his old campaign he created a HUGE story for his character, background, goals, etc. I know for a fact he's an incredible creative writer and could have come up with something wonderful for this. But he didn't put down anything other than basic character sheet stuff. When I asked him about it, he says he only goes deep into character when it's "long campaigns like my old one" and "too bad a long campaign like that will never happen again. That's D&D at it's best but now we're all adults, and we're too busy to ever do that, half my friends have kids, it'll never happen again and it's so sad" etc etc.

It made me feel like shit - like anything I try to do is a waste of time and pointless compared to this legendary "old campaign". Like it's barely worth staying awake for, like it's some kind of chore he has to sit through every week just because I'm his girlfriend and he's just humoring me.

The other players have been EXTREMELY enthusiastic and supportive - they send me art they make based on the campaign after every session and have contacted me privately to compliment me on certain aspects of the campaign. I want to make it clear that this is NOT something I EXPECT, but moreso I just really really love and appreciate that they do this for me, especially while my boyfriend is kind of leaving a void where I'd want this kind of praise.

Full transparency, one of my worst fears is forcing people to play along with something that I am passionate about, but bores them to tears. I never want to make a big deal over something that means a lot to ME but doesn't mean that much to someone else. So maybe I should just let this go because, at the end of the day, it's just a game? And taking it so seriously makes me an asshole and I should touch grass? I feel like potentially starting a fight over stupid nerd stuff would be pointless on my end. But at the same time, the more we play the more I feel deflated and I really hate feeling that way. I'm not sure what to do tbh.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[fushiglow]

Who the hell is Gojō Satoru?

Some thoughts on his character in 236

Seeing everyone arguing about Gojō’s characterisation in 236 over the last week makes me realise just how good the chapter is, no matter how dissatisfied I am with Gojō's death.

When you're upset about something, it's hard to judge accurately whether something is 'bad' or whether you simply don't like it — and they are different things. Interestingly, 236 presented me with a conflict I've never experienced when following a story before. I'm really disappointed with the way Gege Akutami chose to end Gojō's story, but I think 236 will go down as one of the most beautiful chapters of Jujutsu Kaisen. In that sense, my feelings about the chapter after a week of sitting with it aren't too unrecognisable from my initial feelings — just with all of the big emotions that were colouring my judgment stripped away.

I think there *is* value in immediate reactions, and I think much of the initial outrage about the chapter was simply people grieving what was an intentionally shocking end to a beloved character. I hate that people tried to police social media reactions to the chapter, because I think everyone should be allowed to process their feelings in their own online space (as long as they don't bring harm to others, of course).

Aside from the outpouring of emotion, there have been countless arguments about 'who' Gojō was as a person in the end, and that doesn't sit right with me either. I think many artists would be disappointed to hear fans of their work insist that there is one 'proper' interpretation — because the value of sharing your art with the world is in how different people receive it based on their own experiences.

To me, that's Gojō Satoru as a character.

I know lots of people have already shared some variation of the post below (and everyone has moved on to 237 now anyway) but this was sitting in my drafts so I thought I may as well hit post before 237 is officially released!

In my analysis of Gojō's character after 235, I talked about how Gege Akutami keeps Gojō at a distance from both the readers and the characters around him, making it deliberately difficult to know who he is as a person. Despite that, everyone in-universe and out has something to say about Gojō's character, but we've never really known how Gojō views himself until this chapter.

For maybe the first time in Jujutsu Kaisen, we get to deep dive into Gojō's interior world and hear his innermost thoughts when he's at his lowest and most vulnerable. As a result, something fascinating happened across the fandom.

Even when Gojō literally tells Getō that the 'wretchedness of isolation' is something he shares with Sukuna, that he gave everything he had so that Sukuna might understand him and be understood in turn, and that he knows not everyone will get it, some people called Gojō 'out of character' in 236.

And isn't that just so damn meta?!

Akutami loves challenging readers' assumptions through his characters, so while the chapter is shocking, it isn't really surprising. I'd even go as far as suggesting that the journey of emotions the reader experiences while reading 236 is the exact same journey Gojō is going on in-story.

The thing is, I've seen tons of people arguing about whether Gojō was selfless or selfish, whether he fought for the love of his students or for the love of the fight, whether he took strong young sorcerers under his wing from a place of care or simply as a means to an ends — but I think the point is that it's always been all of those things at once.

Because he's human, and humans contain multitudes.

I think we were meant to have our view of Gojō shaken by 236 — the same way Gojō's view of himself is challenged in this chapter. However, just because we can find some truth in Nanami's criticism of Gojō, doesn't mean that his interpretation of Gojō's character is the correct one — especially when it's entirely possible that what happens in the airport isn't even real.

Getō listens with empathy as Gojō confesses his self-doubt and regrets, the solitude of his strength, and the dehumanisation he experienced as the 'Strongest'. He even expresses jealousy when Gojō admits he had fun fighting someone strong enough to understand him. Then, only two pages after Gojō says, 'You can cherish a flower and help it bloom, but you don't ask it to understand you', Nanami appears and calls him a pervert for his approach to sorcery.

It's actually really funny.

Importantly, Nanami isn't exactly wrong for saying the enjoyment Gojō gets from fighting is a little disturbing (and, to be clear, I *adore* this about him) — it's just not the whole picture of Gojō Satoru.

Akutami actually gives us some lovely imagery to visually represent the gulf between those who understand the solitude of strength and those who don't — Gojō and Getō sit on one side of the bench while Nanami and Haibara sit on the other, with each duo facing in opposite directions.

I don't think Akutami is implying that either side is wrong or right — it's just two different perspectives. Nevertheless, Gojō is pictured side by side with someone who understands him, and back to back with someone who doesn't understand him but who cares for him all the same.

Recognising this, he pivots to asking Nanami about something they can both relate to and receives an important lesson in return. What Nanami means and what Gojō takes from it is deliberately ambiguous, like everything that's discussed inside the airport:

Could Sukuna have won without the Ten Shadows?

Who does the 'flower' represent: Gojō, the people around him, or both?

Did Gojō reach Sukuna like he hoped?

Why exactly is Getō jealous?

Does Gojō feel satisfied?

Is Nanami's assessment of Gojō's character correct?

What is the relevance of north and south?

Which direction did Gojō choose?

Is it all in Gojō's imagination or is it real?

Whether we'll receive answers to those questions remains to be seen, but I highly suspect that most of them don't even have a definitive answer.

Once again, it's just a matter of perspective, and I think that's Gojō's character in a nutshell. Whichever side of the bench you're sitting on, whatever you see in Gojō says more about you than it does about him — and that's exactly why it's so fascinating to see the fandom erupt into arguments about who's interpreting the character correctly.

I can honestly say I think the chapter is really beautiful even though I hate what happened to Gojō, and that's an entirely new experience for me. For that alone, Akutami has my praise. Whatever happens in the rest of the story will determine whether 236 becomes my favourite chapter in the whole of Jujutsu Kaisen — isn't that bizarre?

By the way, I found a really thoughtful post about some of the word choices in 236. The poster shared some really interesting insights across a series of posts and they convey the tone of the chapter really well. Well worth checking out!

#i forgot to post this until now ooooops #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk 236 #呪術廻戦 #gojo satoru #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #jjk meta #jjk analysis #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen analysis #my writing #fushiglow

[mushroomnoodles]

tw bodily fluids

was simons pregnancy more painful than any other ones?? was there a gigantic mess of like blood and "other stuff"?? like.. birth takes soo long to do seriously like 4-8 HOURS on average or are we just gonna like not include this for the sake of not being nauseous ( + old mans remaining sanity )

tw/cw for sfw and non kink mpreg, as well as labor, water breaking.. and discussion of birth details + injury while trying to keep it vague.

ill go into it once- yeah, it's pretty safe to say simon had a rough time with the labor. i've stated this before, but he was experiencing labor pains for a few days before he went into active labor- see, he didn't think much of it because every now and then his body would try to have morrigan and be unable to because of the seal, so braxton hicks and actual false labor was.. not something he was unfamiliar with.

it wasn't until the contractions got so bad they were nearly debilitating and he felt morri shift inside him to get ready to be born that he went, oh no, oh no no no, he's having the baby.

more under the cut, there's art down there too but like heed the tags. i'm still trying to keep the discussion.. not super heavy.

we all know what happened next, with marceline bringing him into the woods and not being able to make it. because like, right after she set him down, his water broke.

blah blah, they run into finn, explain simon is like, pregnant and about to give birth, set up a location, and then simon (and marcy) are faced with another problem.

it's pretty obvious to everyone that simon's bump was huge. morri is huge. the actual place they'd be born from.. not so much. but that doesn't dissuade morri, who has been trying to get that gd seal off them for months, and is not going to waste another second hiding in their old man. things are going super fast.

and things do not look great down there. marcy is totally winging this delivering a baby thing. simon kept going from silence- just trying to ride through the contractions, to screaming like a dying animal. marceline was terrified the whole time, especially when simon said he felt like he was gonna rip open.

(pretend the fallen tree is behind simon.)

so yeah, it was pretty messy. simon did not make giving birth to a twelve pound baby out unscathed, he definitely tore. when morri was out marceline gave him what little medical attention she could, which honestly wasn't a lot- pb had to do some quick fixing when she showed up, and i don't think he would've made it if not for the cosmic energy radiating through him from carrying morrigan.

it was a good while before simon recuperated enough to be moved, and it sorta spooked everyone when he just.. got up like he didn't just finish pushing out a 12 pound baby. those pain meds were a godsend, by the way, simon was never happier for them in his entire life.

victory! they got him home and in bed with his brand new baby, and marceline stuck by for a few weeks to help take care of morri while simon healed. simon was zonked out but very happy to have a baby in his arms, his baby.

also bonus: simon wakes up the next morning

he feels like five trains ran through his entire lower half. homedawg lived on those pain relievers from that point on

#i have a mproblem #a #cw mpreg #tw mpreg #mpreg #simon petrikov mpreg #golbaby #tw labor #cw labor #cw bodily fluids #plainvanilla

[yuxiangxian]

I want to talk about tmnt

I've been loving tmnt for four years now, but I won't stop there. I have experienced a lot from various films to animated series. You may not agree with my opinion, but I love all turtles, regardless of the plot or art. Because all turtles deserve love, they don't change because of this, how they are drawn or what the plot is, what atmosphere surrounds them and much more. I supported rottmnt because they are also turtles. Do you care what kind of skin April has? Has she become different because of this? No, she's still the same April. Our beloved April O'Neil. And I'm writing this for only one reason (f*ck, my heart is beating so fast). I thought and... I want to create an anime based on turtles, I just don't know how people will appreciate it. You see, fear is such a thing that can stop us on the way to achieving our goals. Fear will not ask permission to come, the guardian appears suddenly, he can appear from anything. And I'm afraid that if I create an anime, many people won't like it, they'll start writing about how terrible it is. I would like to ask YOUR opinion. Do you want an anime based on turtles? I'll understand if you say no, I'm just interested in your opinion. I can also send you a photo of what this anime might look like so that you can understand how I draw and what the anime will look like. Thank you if you read this, I will be glad if you don’t pass by and spend a little time on this. I will be glad to know YOUR opinion and based on it I will understand whether to make an anime or not. Thanks in advance everyone!)

#teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2003 #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #tmnt 2018 #anime #animation #drawing #art #opinion

[shini--chan]

Yandere Charater Sheet II

I've recently been binge reading Game of Thrones fanfics and I think it shows a bit in the wording I chose here. Aside from that, this is a post relating to the ask requesting character sheets for America, China and Japan.

1p China - Yao Wang

Trigger warning: Mentions of brain washing, grooming, financal abuse, social isolation, kidnapping, coercion and verbal/emotional abuse

Blend in - Are the red flags obvious? Are they even aware that their behaviour is wrong? Do they even care?

Yao is old and has a lot of experience in how humans act and react, and hid the darker parts of themselves. Thus, it is significantly more difficult to pick out the red flags. To top it off, he tends to dazzle you with his more repleasent and virtuous qualities. He is a complex person and his history has ensured that it couldn’t have come any other way. Though, he does slip up, both in his unhealthy tendencies and in the fact that he is more than human. So, this list will discuss hints of both: 

He can be extremely patronising. As mentioned before, he is old and experienced and therefore considers himself to be infinitely wise. Having seen and done and knowing much more than you, he sometimes can’t help but see you as a child and subsequently treat you like one. You might complain about it, and he will always find smooth words to soothe your wounds, that that wouldn’t change that he regards you as more foolish, less wise and less adaptable them him. 

He is restrictive of the people you talk to and the media you consume. Yao is of the opinion that art imitates life just as much as life imitates art. As such, he doesn’t want to have you weakened, or poisoned by other people dripping falsehoods in your ears. Like some others, he has many enemies out in the world. And this is a changed world, where you don’t go after your enemies with a bow or a sword, where even those that lie beyond the sea are dangerous to you, so he will be all the more cautious. He doesn’t want you to become a weapon wielded against him. That being said, he will be honest about his intentions and oh so patronising. 

He expects excellence from you, and is harsh when you make mistakes. At times, it will feel more like Yao is your parent or teacher, rather than your “romantic partner”. Perhaps that is the case, and the nature of your relationship, perhaps it isn’t. Eitherway, he expects you to strive for greatness, to excel at what you do, to be monumental. And he doesn’t see the point in coddling you when you make mistakes. Of course, it has to be said that he isn’t a slave driver and believes in a balanced and harmonious life. Though, according to him, if you have to rest, rest on the fruits of your success. If it is the case that he locks you away from the world, or hides you out in the countryside, then the area he expects you to excel in is that of a loving spouse and a proper partner. So, behave and don’t fight him too much. 

He won’t exactly be loyal to you. China fully buys into the idea that a relationship should be a healthy balance of give and take. In the context of your relationship, that only means that he gives loyalty and security and everything else if you play your part. Else, he is wont to let his mind and heart wander. At the end of the day, he will always return to the home and the hearth you share together, he is not above seeking comfort in the arms of another woman, or man. 

He can be very distrusting and strict at times, unyieldingly so at times. With everything that he has seen, he is one that believes that actions speak louder than words. So if you break his rules, or don’t abide by your promises, then he will hold that against you and don’t buy into whatever excuses or justifications that you present. There will be exceptions, but you will have to present very good arguments. Else, it is side eyes and cold shoulders until he decides to let you back in his good graces. He doesn’t appreciate being made a fool of, so don’t even try to repeat offences - you won’t like the consequences. 

Compatriot - Who aids them? Who condemns them? Are there ways you can convince their friends/colleges/underlings to help you? 

When it comes to China, there is a complex web of people that lie strewn out across the spectrum, with only a few people on any of the two extremes: i.e. he doesn’t have any mortal enemies but he doesn’t have a lot of unconditionally loyal friends either. He wouldn’t have it any other way either. This just means you’ll have to never be careful when it comes to sifting through the people that could help and those that could harm you. You could very easily tie yourself to knots trying to win over the people that Yao converses with. 

There are those that are on one end of the spectrum, that unquestioningly give their life to him. These are also most likely the ones that helped Yao wrap you around his little finger - that spoke highly of him when you asked, that notified him about your whereabouts and your deals, that helped you settle in, when he took you for himself. At best, you could trick these people into helping you. Or you have to nurture them so that they end up being more loyal to you, than to Yao. 

There are those who deal with China because it is in their best interest, yet may help you when they feel like it, or if they want leverage. On the flip side, he also has enemies that hate him, but would be willing to return you to him, or rat on you. It could be to cause trouble in paradise, or because they are trying to curry favour with Yao. Maybe they need something from him, or perhaps they just don’t want to give him a reason to unleash hell on them. With both of these types, you’ll have to present your case well, and in a way where they either have nothing to lose, a lot to gain, or both from aiding you. 

And then there are his mortal enemies. Some may be willing to help you, but even fewer of their number will be willing to help you for free. A handful might be appeased by seeing Yao suffer due to your absence, but most would want something more, and that more can constitute various things. It could be information or material goods that you have to give, it could be that they want you to move against him. However, some may decide that you are vile and guilty by proxy and decide to harm you because Yao adores you. A few might even go so far as to torture and even kill you when you come to them for help, just so that they can spite Yao. 

Dominion - What actions are especially pleasing to them?

A harmonious life - coming Yao to a well done meal, a relaxing evening and a pliant bed partner. And of course more: Somebody who he can confide in and trust. Somebody who, well not as wise and knowledgeable as him, can still understand him, be it on personal dealings and emotions to the intricacies of the world. He would be even more delighted if you can surprise him with something he doesn’t know yet, maybe even teach him a craft unfamiliar but that you shine in. 

Make him proud, champion in something. That will probably be what gets him to notice you in the first place. Refuse to lead an ordinary life, but don’t burn yourself out. What will stun him and transfix him the most, will be if you manage the herculean task of balancing a meaningful life with a fulfilling one. If you need help, he will be happy to help; if you are almost there or have the potential, he will be happy to shine a light on the right path and guide you. But he doesn’t want to stand there at the end, with you shattered and only him to pick up the pieces. 

Flight - What do you have to do in order to escape them?

This can be a task that is both easier and harder than you think. There is the matter that while he is very attached to you, to an unhealthy degree even, you being his doesn’t require you to be by his side all the time. So if you escape he might let you be for a few months or even years, as long as you remain in the country and don’t actively work against him. He might let you live on your own in a fashion, if he knows that he shaped you into the person you are, and thus, that you never will truly be free of him, no matter if he is physically there or not. Are you not his, if you follow his teachings, if you use his framework for understanding the work, if the very idea of resistance you hold is the one he taught you? In ways, if you are his creation, then he sees you as his, and then you can very truly be free of him. Though more to that latter; now we discuss how you physically get away from him. 

It is best to do so while you are travelling. If you both are on a train, excuse yourself for a moment, take a handbag with you at most, and go to the other end and get off at the next stop. Of course, he will likely catch on to what you did soon enough, but you’ll have a head start, and therefore have more of a chance to shake him off. You’ll have even a better chance to do this while in a foreign country or the likes. In the same vein - get on the “wrong” plan by mistake or organise it so that you take different rides and then slip away. If he catches you during this initial stage, then you can always feign ignorance and say you made a mistake. 

Though going further, you’ll have to do more drastic things - throw your phone and laptop away, cut your hair and dye it maybe, and change the way you walk and dress. Use a different soap or perfume to change your scent. Hang out in those places where he will accept you the least, because he won’t associate you with them, or will not think you would dare to hide in plain sight. If you are very good, then you can hide right under his nose. 

Further, no matter how much he will give you the impression (or try) that he is all-powerful and all-knowing, he really isn’t. There are things that he doesn’t know of, or how to do, and boundaries that he can’t overstep. There are people that can shelter you from him, people that he can’t move against without it costing him dearly. While he might charm them into handing you over, or nick you from under their noses, it will at least give you some Yao-free time. 

Hospitality - What is your life like with them? How much does it deviate from your former life?

Like an ignorant brat. Like a dainty and lovable wife. That is, if you don’t behave like a racoon that is about to scratch his eyes out - in that case, he will be happy to dole out corporal punishments. It would be the old fashioned punishments that a teacher would sentence you to - like kneeling on uncooked grains or standing with a book over your end. A favourite of his in modern times would be sport exercises or he might even take you to a mountain side or a sea cove and play a game of catch and release, if he decides you are being particularly insolent. Though, above all, he wants punishments to be a learning experience. Though more on that another time. 

The determining factor here is if you are another personification, a spirit or just a mortal. If you are a mortal, then you can accept a stern but considerate spouse that has a lot of secrets that he won’t share with you and also find yourself living a more eventful life than you else would have. He’ll hold you to a high standard that he’ll expect you to live up to, and in turn offer you a luxurious life. If you would be in the know, and still be mortal, then he would confide you in more. But it would draw up a barrier between you and the rest of the world; in ways, you would stand in the twilight, not here nor fully there. If he would take an especially strong liking to you, then he might search or even create some arcane ritual that would extend your life by binding it to his. 

If you are a fellow personification, then it could just as well make everything more complicated. You will have your own people that will be yours to take care of, and stand in the way of you being fully his. Likewise, without them and the life and identity they breathe into you, you wouldn’t exist. Perhaps he would cherish you for who you are and allow you sovereignty as long as you remain faithful to him as an individual (but it would be very difficult to maintain such a dynamic, especially if your peoples and governments are close to each other for whatever reason). Or he could seek to impress himself and his ways upon you, and subjugate and lord over.. Or do worse. 

He wants to use his time with you to shape you, to the point where you will always be his. Yao wants to change your world view, mould your habits, burn out your sins and eradicate your old life to the point where you can never return to what once was. You'll be his creation. As such, Yao will orchestrate a lot of moral lessons and little mind games. Of course, he knows that people that apt at listening if they want, but he also has come to understand that there is a difference between knowing and learning. 

Order - What are the rules you have to adhere to?

There are a few and it is here that there are some parallels with Japan: 

Don’t embarrass me in public with wretched behaviour. If something that I do disturbs you, then tell it to me in whispers or behind closed doors. A reputation goes a bit further than life in and on itself, so he’ll be very irate should you try to besmirch it. No rewards you think that would result from trying to humiliate him would be worth the punishment that would follow. That being said, he is a good deal more lax than his Japanese counterpart on this matter. There are honest mistakes and being too formal and controlled would just make it look like he has a stick up his arse and he doesn’t want that either. There is the matter of striking a good balance between playfulness and strictness. Present an united front in public, with an organic personality and easy smiles, and he will be happy. 

Have some self-respect and take care of yourself on your own. I’m not your father so don’t make me act like it. Despite how patronising he can be, he doesn’t want to feel like a glorified babysitter. He wants a well functioning adult as a partner and won’t tolerate you acting like a child. If you aren’t … fully developed in some aspects then he’ll show understanding and help you grow. But if you refuse to grow up, then he is not above thoroughly shaming and humiliating you. If you fail to take responsibility over your own life, then he’ll use it as a justification to become more controlling and “relieve” you of certain duties, such as control over your own finances. 

Don’t make me unnecessarily repeat myself. There is the repetition that leads to learning and that belongs to the Confusian teaching principals. Then there is the repeating of requests and questions that happen when dealing with an insolent brat or a foolish subordinate. Yao doesn’t want you to behave like either. When he asks you something, he doesn’t want to ask you a second time and he considers you intelligent enough to only have to be told to do something once. You wouldn’t want to disappoint him, do you? 

Do not keep secrets from me and if you must tell me something urgently, then don’t hesitate to be direct. You are to spouses, partners that are two halves of the same soul, so why should you keep secrets from him. Over the centuries, he has suffered enough court intrigue and politicking to not want any of it in his home, despite how thrilling it can be. Yao wants somebody at his side that he can trust and respect and he can not respect a person who hesitates and stumbles over their words when it is time to be honest and open. Poor communication kills after all. 

Rehabilitation - How much will they change you? Will they break you? How much therapy would you need in the event that you get rid of them? 

No matter how you would twist it, it would either take years or it won’t be possible at all. As said before, Yao would strive to turn you into a masterpiece of his own design; why would he allow the possibility for all his hard work to be undone. 

Some things would be rooted so deep in your personality that you wouldn’t be able to discover them in your depths and even then, where could you possibly start to unwind this Gordian knot? You would need a fundamentally life-changing event, a religious experience or something similarly earth-shattering to act as the sword that would cut through the ropes. And the severity of the change would depend on your behaviour while at his tender mercies. In that fashion, he is very much like quicksand - the more you struggle, the more likely you are to be engulfed. 

If you would have proved extremely troublesome, he would resort to brain washing, and there is probably no going back from that, seeing how strongly you would resist treatment. Perhaps if you could be introduced to a cult deprogrammer, then you would have a bit of a chance. 

Zeal - Do they fall fast or slow? What is their reaction to their own feelings?

Yao wouldn’t fall in love at first sight. Maybe he would hear about you beforehand and become intrigued. If given the chance, he would appproach you then, engage in small chitchat and the such. If you aren’t that familiar with Chinese culture, his questions could come off as invasive. Should he note your discomfort, he would offer some soothing words and express interst in you as a person. His feelings would develop slowly, and in the pace he would get to know you closer. And he would be calm about his emotions, if a tad surprised. He would wait before earnestly acting on them, because he wouldn’t want to invest to much time and passion into a mere fling. 

Once he is sure that you are the one, he’ll pull some strings to accerlate the development of your relationship. Some of his actions wouldn’t be completely legal, mind you.

Art is not mine!

#yandere hetalia #x reader #yandere x reader #yandere china #yandere character sheet

[hippolotamus]

So this is 39...

I was gonna do one of those X amount of things I've learned by age whatever, but 39 is a lot of things and tbh I'm not sure if I’ve learned that many (as some of you would undoubtedly agree). So, in true Hippo fashion, please accept this list of random assorted things I've picked up like shiny trinkets/facts I've come to accept through the years.

Believe it or not you're worth the effort, love and care you try to give everyone else but don't think you deserve.

Usually the more I've tried to fit in and be like everyone else, the more unhappy I've been. Let your freak flag fly and see who sticks around in your blanket fort.

Legos, coloring, stuffies, swing sets, daydreaming and other ‘childish pursuits’ are not, in fact, just for kids.

when given the opportunity, a solo car concert is a solid choice

If you're constantly putting yourself in boxes for the benefit of someone else... honestly, what's the point?

Find at least one person you can drop the mask with and be fully, authentically you.

Groups break up, accidents and weather happen... just go to the concert/show/exhibit if you wanna instead of waiting for ‘next time’.

nobody has their shit figured out (especially anyone acting like they do). we are literally all out here just wingin' it.

Some of the best life advice comes from fictional characters

Nobody cares. Nobody is thinking about you the way you're thinking about you. - Alexis Rose

Life isn't meant to be lived in moderation. We only get one chance at this... What's the point of living if you're just going to keep yourself locked away from ever experiencing life? - Avi Mulvaney

Make sure you’re following your heart - Carla Price

You’re gonna be okay, kid - Christopher Diaz

just because you didn’t die, doesn’t mean you’re actually living

even if you think you’re ‘too young’ for something, i assure you you’re not

i love you isn't reserved for family and/or romantic partners.

Platonic soulmates are a thing and they do exist

Dates with yourself are 100% necessary and sometimes the best ones

there is zero deadline or requirement to find a romantic partner, get married, have kids, buy a house, etc...

Sexual and Romantic preferences are fluid. It's OK if you change your mind or didn't 'figure it out' until your 20s, 30s, 40s or beyond.

You're complete as you are. Without the degree, the partner, the [current arbitrary standard]

Cliche as hell but life doesn’t end because you didn’t get the job/house/partner. Odds are good it’s the best thing that could have happened and you’ll be delighted it did.

Blood may be thicker than water but Found Family, the Family We Choose, is often the best family

Shared genetics doesn't demand your unwavering loyalty

I'm human and I fuck up. I make the wrong choice, say the wrong thing, don’t say anything or say too much. Way more than I want to, and often in the name of trying to keep the peace.

Do you write, paint, draw, some other variety of art? Congratulations 🥳 you’re an author/artist. A real one. Yes, you!

As such (and I will die on this hill) you don’t owe anything to anyone. Not the fic, the next chapter, the snippet, the gif set, etc. Your works are not the price of membership to fandom.

Missing someone and being glad they’re not in your life anymore aren’t mutually exclusive concepts.

You’re more than enough, but not too much. Never too much. I promise.

headpats & forehead kisses 💞🦛

#hippo rambles #not 39 things #hippo wisdom #i realize some of these are oddly specific #but i’ve been around a while and found them necessary

[inhonoredglory]

i dont know if you partake in any of the doctor who comics at all - i certainly dont. i like keeping my sanity safe (its a mess of strange stories and paradoxes from what ive been able to tell. as are most comic series). but recently there was one that elaborated a bit on rose and the metacrisis’s life post journeys end, and its one of the few pieces of media we have for them. i didnt care enough to read the whole thing, the only interesting part to me was apparently they had a little girl named mia, and ive been thinking abt that dynamic nonstop since. cant decide how realistic it is for them, but on the otherside augh its so sweet. anyway, i just wanted to ask how you feel about rose and the metacrisis in general, and whatever that entails. curious abt ur thoughts on them!

- armin anon/lesbian anon/whatever you feel like calling me lol

OMGG my anon (of many names lol)! OK first off, I drafted some of this way back but forgot to add on and post, so in the words of our beloved Doctor,

🌹 But onto the DW comics and Meta-Crisis/Rose!!

I only recently started reading the comics, starting with the ones about Gabby Gonzalez by Nick Abadzis, and I have to admit:

They make me yearn pretty fucking hard to run away and travel with the Doctor. There's some killer art by Elena Casagrande that feels so much like the Doctor we know and love (that kindness, that earnest love.... god!! my heart and soul!!).

But I warn ye (any readers of this post), DO NOT TOUCH Volume 2 by Robbie Morrison. He takes Ten blatantly out of character, making him out to be an arrogant bastard who belittles his companion and is flippant in the face of suffering. (Morrison watched too much Eleven, methinks 🙈)

I haven't read the Rose/Meta-Crisis comic yet (part of the Empire of the Wolf series), but I did see the important panel from that series, showing Rose's daughter Mia:

I think the Meta-Crisis settling down to have a family with Rose is pretty in-character and very much what the Tenth Doctor would have wanted, as much as it hurt him.

Because Ten fundamentally felt unworthy of Rose.

💔 The Doctor's Trauma

Rose was strong and compassionate and amazing, and Ten had done so much, seen so much, experienced so much tragedy and guilt. He's a man wrecked by PTSD, depression, shame, and self-blame. He felt like it wasn't fair to her that she'd sacrifice her life to someone who would go on living and changing and becoming a different person, while she grew old and died in a world without a home and away from everyone she knew.

He didn't want her to become like him, homeless and without the love of friends and family, because to be him is to be alone. And he didn't want that for her. Because he wanted her to be happy, not just momentarily, but for the rest of her life.

Ten is a man who loathes taking life, and it weighs on him every time someone sacrifices who they are because they love him.

It's no surprise Ten's entire decision about the Meta-Crisis took place after Davros massively guilt-tripped him into thinking it was his fault that all those people died. (It wasn't.) But Davros played on Ten's depression and trauma, manipulating Ten into thinking he had done unforgivable things to the people he loved. (when in fact those people died because they were inspired to be selfless like him, or were killed someplace beyond the Doctor's reach)

I've actually been doing a lot of research on Ten's trauma (including invaluable insight from Judith Lewis Herman's famous book Trauma and Recovery). This journal article about Major Depressive Disorder speaks so deeply to Ten's character, especially post-Time War and post-Davros:

"Guilt promotes altruistic behavior via acting out reparative tendencies, whereas shame reduces altruism by means of increasing social and interpersonal distance."

This explains so much about Ten's choice to sacrifice his own happiness and ask Rose to take his Meta-Crisis as her life partner. He's pushing her away, isolating himself. He's rejecting the people he loves the most because he's in a very, very dark place.

🖤🤍💜 An Asexual (Meta) Reading

There's so many reasons that Ten felt he couldn't give Rose the life she wanted (his trauma, his values). There's one angle I've been sifting around in my head in the past couple years, and it's more of a headcanon than anything: For me, because of the way the Doctor's character has been established since 1963, the Doctor's own asexuality is an almost meta-conceptual reason why the Doctor in general can't have a "normative," family life.

He couldn't say "I love you"—not because he didn't love her. (He loved her more than he ever loved himself.) But also because he knew what saying those words would mean: the expectations, the responsibility, the behaviors he felt she deserved to have from him because those words carry so much weight in human culture. All those things he could not give her.

But the Meta-Crisis could. I personally headcanon that the Meta-Crisis is not asexual like the Doctor. (Just like John Smith may not have been asexual either.) The point of both John Smith and the Meta-Crisis is showing how much they differ from the Doctor—and I think sexuality is one of those differences. It's why it was so easy for John Smith to imagine a traditional life, why it was so easy for the Meta-Crisis to promise his entire world and his entire self to Rose on that beach.

🌹 The Meta-Crisis and Rose Tyler

Which brings me back to the Tentoo himself. He was born in battle and he can die, but what does that exactly mean for his life with Rose? It's fascinating because to imagine the Doctor feeling mortality and knowing he cannot cheat death anymore—that's a horrific, terrifying thing.

There are actually two Big Finish Audios that explore this traumatic realization for the Doctor, and what that does to him. (They're both one-shots from Jackie's POV and narration, and you can listen to them here: Part 1, Part 2).

It makes Tentoo lean into his Ninth-era darkness, a ruthlessness to villains driven by the fear that he cannot protect Rose because he is not indestructible. But luckily for him, there are people he loves around him (Jackie and Rose) who keep him from that darkness.

Additionally, the Big Finish stories lean into the fact that Tentoo and Rose aren't sitting idly by. Both of them work for Torchwood and are growing their own TARDIS to continue to defend the Earth.

They don't settle down into a domestic life, at least not right away, and I think that suits them both. We know how much Rose didn't want the life of eating chips and watching telly. But listen to what RTD's Doctor Who has always tried to say: How deeply important the everyday things are, how much the Doctor, for how amazing they are, craves for a life of simplicity and the stupid little things that define humanity.

Because here's the key: It wasn't the everyday things that bothered Rose. Like she told Mickey in "Parting of the Ways":

ROSE: But what do I do every day, mum? What do I do? Get up, catch the bus, go to work, come back home, eat chips and go to bed? Is that it? MICKEY: It's what the rest of us do. ROSE: But I can't! MICKEY: Why, because you're better than us? ROSE: No, I didn't mean that. But it was. It was a better life. And I don't mean all the travelling and seeing aliens and spaceships and things. That don't matter. The Doctor showed me a better way of living your life. You know he showed you too. That you don't just give up. You don't just let things happen. You make a stand. You say no. You have the guts to do what's right when everyone else just runs away

Rose didn't hate the domestic, everyday life. She hated how life had no meaning.

She hated how people let things happen to them, without challenging anything or standing up for anything. She didn't want to travel as much as she wanted to live, to be something and do something with her life.

And that's the magic of Doctor Who, particularly RTD's era. Because you can be amazing and you can have meaning even without the Doctor, but the Doctor shows you how.

You stand up for what you believe is right and you choose to give meaning to what you do in life. You don't need to travel the stars to do that. You can make choices that give your life meaning right here and now. You can believe in something. You can find meaning in your place in the universe. You can give your enthusiasm and time to something that is important. Meaning and purpose comes from how we see the world, and that change in perspective is what Rose finds with the Doctor.

If Rose is with someone who can fill her life with meaning, who inspires her to see life as a beautiful adventure, then it really doesn't matter what she's doing with them. In The Impossible Planet, Rose was completely willing to settle down with Ten to "find a planet, get a job, live a life, same as the rest of the universe." Why? Because she'd be with him.

ROSE: This lot said they'd give us a lift. DOCTOR: And then what? ROSE: I don't know. Find a planet, get a job, live a life, same as the rest of the universe.

If I imagine Tentoo as a dad, I can't help but imagine him like Tennant himself. Kind, giving, selfless, and loving. I think Tentoo would be so afraid of letting someone hurt his child, because he hasn't had a family in so long, and he isn't the same man he was in those ancient days when, as a completely different man, he had a family.

He's a man still afraid of himself, still keenly aware of the inhuman things he's capable of. I think this fear would drive Rose and him closer together, like it did when he was Nine. But Tentoo is more self-aware now, more willing to grow and change and be different. Because he's the Doctor who was given a second chance, to live the life he thought he'd never have with the person he loves. He wants to be different to make this work.

I also think Tentoo would be the Doctor who passes on his title after he's gone. Not that I like to think about Tentoo dying one day, but let's be real: Where would his TARDIS go? As a half-human, I think Tentoo could imagine Mia taking on the role of Defender of the Earth when he and Rose have passed on. She would have been there to see it grow, and she would have been there when Tentoo and Rose first stepped out into the stars with this brand-new TARDIS. Because of his mortality, I think it would make Tentoo more open to sharing the secret, sacred things of his Gallifreyan people with the family he chose to start. He's not alone anymore, he has someone to share it with, someone who will pass it on after him and keep the world safe in his stead.

Which is all to say, I think it's a gift that Rose has the Meta-Crisis. Because when Ten regenerated and became, as he said, a completely different man, she was able to stay with the person she fell in love with and explore what that life was like, to have him with her for all of her life, and all of his.

#doctor who #doctor who meta #tenth doctor #tenth doctor meta #metacrisis doctor #metacrisis #tenrose #tentoo #tentoorose #ten x rose #rose tyler #doctor x rose #timepetals #tentoo x rose #asexual tenth doctor #asexual #bad wolf #dw meta #tenrose meta #*mine #*mymeta #lil anon #lesbian anon #armin anon

[threadsun]

Man I just feel so fucking bad for Sauce. Like, I completely understand not being able to take criticism without apologizing, and that's what I saw in that recent post. It's not like... Morally Wrong or Failing Your Audience if some of them genuinely feel awful after playing your demo because it hit too close to home. Sometimes art just makes you feel bad and you have to deal with that. Honestly, the demo made ME feel bad after I first played it, and I had to step away and do some self-care. And it's okay to make art that has that effect! It's not harmful! It's not evil! The content warnings were there, and I read them, and it just hit me in a weird place that yandere horror usually doesn't. At this point I'm less concerned about the game itself changing and more concerned about how this will affect Sauce's perception of themself as a person and an artist. Because they didn't do anything wrong by making the demo exactly the way it was at the start.

Oh absolutely!! I think it kinda comes back to the fact that so many people don't understand how consent works. Like so many people think "this thing made me uncomfortable" = "this thing/the person who made this thing violated my consent" and that's just not true!!

Choosing to engage with art that is appropriately tagged (or you are aware is untagged, meaning it could have triggering content) means you have consented to it. That consent can be revoked at any time by disengaging with the work. But if you choose to engage with it, you are consenting.

The same way that when you engage in sex or kink with someone, you may not have a good time. You may be left with uncomfortable feelings or even feeling violated. But if you were giving enthusiastic consent throughout then your partner did not violate your consent. You pushed your own limits too far, and that happens! That's okay! And it sucks when it happens, and that's also okay! But no one is at fault there, especially not the person you gave consent to.

It's the same with art. The artist is providing you with something you can choose whether or not to engage with. Choosing to engage with it is consenting. The feelings that come up after that are not the fault of the artist unless they explicitly made it unclear what the content would involve (as in said there wouldn't be triggering content but there was). Your consent was not violated. You may feel bad, and you may have to step back and do some self-care, but that's not the fault of the author.

I've personally experienced that before. Both in sex and in reading fiction. But the onus is on me to deal with those feelings and learn for next time. Art is inherently a form of scene, and as long as the real people involved are all consenting, then there is nothing morally wrong with whatever happens in the art, no matter how it makes you feel.

And I fully agree with you, the original demo did what it set out to do! It made people feel unsafe and uncomfortable with this person who looked and sounded like they should make you feel safe and comfortable! That's the essence of the horror of sdj in my opinion, and they delivered! And the fact that people are trying to make Sauce feel guilty for succeeding with their art, just because these fans weren't able to manage their own emotions and reactions, is absolutely ridiculous and damaging! No one should have to deal with that, and I feel really bad for them.

#patchwork-fool #sunshine #asks #18+ only