#sirius black humor

[patrophthia]

Hi queen, and congrats! I’m in my Sirius era so maybe a fic with him and literally any trope/idea you have (although I have to admit I love e2l)

Anyways, congratulations again 💞

babe i’m always in my sirius era so i GET you and i love e2l so i (hopefully) GOT you too!! and thank u!!!

just kiss already! | sirius black

pairing: sirius black x reader

genre: silly banters, not exactly enemies to lovers but they’re bickering and bantering with each other (except one is in love with the other)

part of my 1k celebration event !

If you had a galleon for every time Sirius Black disagreed with you on something you’d have about just enough to build your own Hogswart. It was all in good fun at first, playful banters between the two quidditch announcers until the quote unquote ‘banter’ made its way into your day to day left rather than it staying within the announcer’s booth. 

“What?” You don’t have to glance at him to know that Sirius had slid into the sit opposing you, not caring that you’ve been saving it for a friend of yours. “What is it this time?” 

You know what he’s going to say by how casually he’d plop himself down. It had started this way, you sliding up to him as naturally as you could as you ask him in aiding you commentate this year’s quidditch matches seeing as the old announcer was your ex boyfriend and you’d much rather die then work with him again. 

And Sirius was popular enough to make people want to listen to what he had to say, plus he’s well aware of the rules in quidditch through his friendship with the Gryffindor’s team captain. He was the perfect candidate then, and maybe you’re regretting your decision now (just maybe). 

“I need a favor from you,” he says easily; a sly smile creeping onto his handsome face when you finally look at him, “I need you to do this weekend’s match alone.” 

“You want me to commentate the final match of this season alone?” You ask him, tone ridiculing. Everyone who knew anything about sport knew how stressful the finals are, and when you’re two teenagers commentating on the school final match with nothing but magic as your helper, you’re going to need all hands on deck. “Do you hear yourself?” 

A hand finds it’s way into his curls, tossing it slightly as he tried to come up with a reply. “I have a good reason.” 

“It better be,” you snickered. “I’m seconds away from hexing your arse into announcing the match with me.” 

“It’s well—” he pauses, seemingly nervous for once. “—I have a date.” 

“That’s your reason?” You scoff, ignoring the weird pang in your chest. Sirius Black is handsome, you know that, the whole school knew that; he’s always been desirable —and, in your eyes, incredibly annoying. So how anyone could want to be with him —despite his good look, and honestly charming personality— is a mystery to you. “You’re missing the match to get your dick wet?” 

He tears his eyes away from you, breaking contact as he looks to the side. “When you put it like that it’s . . .”

“It’s what?” You’re annoyed and he could sense it. “It’s a stupid reason to miss the most important match this season that your best friend is playing?” 

Sirius is quiet for once in his life. It’s the first time you’ve ever seen him this quiet —probably being eaten up by his own feelings, and he looks so . . . guilty you almost almost feel bad for him. 

“You know what?” You say after a while, grey eyes meeting yours once more. “Just do whatever you want, I don’t care. I don’t know why I’m still holding out hope that you’d do the one thing I’ve asked of you to do. ” 

And maybe his date cancelled on him, or James Potter said a few not so kind words about how it’s utter betrayal to not be there for him during the finals; or maybe, just maybe, your words got to him. 

Leaving you more than just surprised to find him already sat at the announcer’s booth when you arrive. You sit down besides him, not daring to look at him seeing as the last time you did look at him, you’d told him that you’ve been expecting something from him and he’s only disappointed you since. 

So you waited until the game start, siding with the team he was naturally opposed to. It was second nature by now, for him to always support whichever team you didn’t (even if it was his own house). 

“It looks like Prongs spotted the snitch,” Sirius says, ignoring you when you corrected him that ‘Prongs’ should be referred to as ‘Potter’ in these settings, “if you’d stop telling me what to do maybe someone would be seeking for you. Merlin, knows you made everyone around your miserable enough.” 

There’s a few audible gasps from the audience, even fewer laughters finding amusement in the word ‘seeking’ being used in a quidditch pitch in entirely different contexts. The audience are used to your banters by now, though those had always been playful without this —this, underlying pretense of light heartedness. 

Sirius had meant something hostile with his words, and every could sense it. 

Which is why the Seekers of each team only stop what they’re doing to look at you when you retorted. “I didn’t ask for you to be here, go be with your date and stop being an ass to me, Black. I’m getting real tired of you.” 

“Of course, you didn’t ask to be here. You only said those things where it’s oh so clear you’re upset with me knowing full well I can’t stand seeing you be mad at me.” His remark is quick, racing out of his mouth just mere seconds after your words. “You’re getting tired of me? Merlin, knows I’m getting real tired of constantly worrying about how you’re feeling.” 

He’s not looking at you, his hands curled up into a fist besides the microphone, clearly frustrated with something. 

You’re scoffing now. “And why are you constantly worrying about how I’m feeling? We’re not friends, Black. I’ve never once asked you to be my friend, let’s not play pretend here.” 

“I’m not playing pretend,” he snaps. “You and I both know that we don’t have to be friends for me to care about you.”

“You care about me?”

“Oh Merlin. Are we really doing this right now?” There’s a shout from the pitch, and the voice so distinct that you don’t have to even look to know that it was the one and only James Potter screaming at you. “Yes. Yes, he does! Now just kiss already and let’s get back to the match!” 

You don’t say another word, and neither does Sirius as the audience waited with bated breath to see whether you’d actually kiss. But, unlike everyone else, Professor Mcgonagall seems to actually have some sense within herself to step in and direct the attention back to the match. 

And if she spotted the two announcers slipping away during the break, she doesn’t find enough sense in herself to stop them from doing so. 

— from bee: i got so carried away this ended up at 1.1k words oops

#sirius black fanfiction #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black humor #sirius black angst #sirius black crack #sirius black fanfic #sirius black x y/n #sirius x reader #sirius x you #🧳: my writing #🍰: 1k with patro!

[incorrect-maraudersaandco-quotes]

After James came out

Euphemia: Careful, the plate is hot.

James: Don't worry, I'm attracted to pans, not plates.

Euphemia: 😑

Sirius: 🤦

Fleamont: 😆 [is really proud of his son's stupid dad joke]

#Fleamont has the vibe of the person whose sense of humor is mostly dad jokes #marauders #incorrect marauders and co quotes #incorrect marauders quotes #james potter #sirius black #euphemia potter #fleamont potter #potter family #pansexual james potter #source: twitter

[overheard-at-hogwarts]

Sirius: [to the Marauders] What can I say, I like making memories! Sometimes I do crazy shit around you guys just so you can tell other people I did it.

#overheard at hogwarts #source: the kennedy center mark twain prize for american humor #harry potter #hp #incorrect quotes #incorrect harry potter quotes #incorrect hp quotes #sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #james potter #marauders #padfoot #moony #wormtail #prongs

[iamnmbr3]

Alphard: It's so hard when you meet a man, fall in love with him and then--

Sirius: He marries the girl he's been pining for and you're happy for him but inside your heart is breaking and then before you've recovered from that he dies tragically. I know.

Alphard: I was going to say 'and then he becomes a formless wraith somewhere in Albania' but ok.

Sirius: What?

#tom riddle/alphard black #prongsfoot #crack #humor #Sirius Black #Alphard Black #Tom Riddle #Voldemort #Harry Potter #my post #alphard black/tom riddle

[nerdycandycheesecake]

*𝖲𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖪𝗎𝗇𝗀 𝖥𝗎 𝖯𝖺𝗇𝖽𝖺 4*

𝖲𝗁𝖾𝗇: Enough talk you two come on let's kill him!

𝖳𝖺𝗂 𝖫𝗎𝗇𝗀 & 𝖪𝖺𝗂: Wait!

𝖲𝗁𝖾𝗇: I DID MY WAITING! 12 YEARS OF IT! IN THE SPIRIT REALM!

#chat #reference #meme #funny #humor #harry potter #harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban #sirius black #padfoot #gary oldman #kung fu panda #kung fu panda 2 #kung fu panda 3 #kung fu panda 4 #lord shen #tai lung #general kai

[jamespotterbbg]

#remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #regulus black #jegulus #wolfstar #marauders #marlene mckinnon #dorcas x marlene #lesbian marlene #marauders era girls #marauders fandom #fake tweets #tweets #twitter #humor #incorrect marauders quotes #incorrect quotes #fyp

[adharastarlight]

Sirius: *eavesdropping on Reg's conversation* oh could you stop going on about your sex life with my bloody best mate, its sickening

Reg: *turns to face him, deadpan* believe me, for every time you have forgotten a silencing charm, you deserve it.

Pandora, Barty and Evan: *:0*

#tell me remus and sirius didnt forget sometimes #and once #reg had the unfortunate predicament of being in the same room #safe to say #he was traumatised and nothing james did could console him #so he used it against sirius whenever he pleased lmao #bc he loved winding him up too- #anywaysss #this popped into my head and i found it somewhat humorous in my sleep deprived state #so here you have it #marauders #regulus black #james potter #jegulus #dead gay wizards #sirius black #james x regulus #remus lupin #wolfstar #starchaser #james fleamont potter #regulus arcturus black #sirius orion black #pandora lovegood #regulus and evan and barty #evan rosier #barty crouch jr #slytherin skittles #remus john lupin #the black brothers

[rosekiller-addict]

why didn't anyone tell me how hard it is to write in 3rd person

#writing #writing humor #marauders #marauders era #evan rosier #rosekiller #barty crouch jr #slytherin skittles #sirius black #regulus black #james potter #wolfstar #writing memes #creative writing #writer stuff #on writing #writer #writeblr

[tajiklove]

Poster Snape made for Grimmauld Place's front door:

I used this gem as a reference.

I've been wanting to make my own since I saw @ershebet's absolute masterpiece

#humor #snirius #hp snack #severus snape x sirius black #severus x sirius #sirius black x severus snape #sirius x severus

[my-castles-crumbling]

*clears throat*

I'd like to thank my mother, for traumatizing me enough to give me a dark sense of humor and unhealthy and obsessive coping skills.

#marauders #sirius black kinnie #regulus black kinnie #i literally joke about my trauma like it’s my job #family trauma #humor as a coping mechanism

[dorian-winter]

Hey, I posted the first chapter of a fic inspired by @sebbianas post. This one. ✨

I had a lot of fun writing it. I hope that the people that liked the original prompt might enjoy this, too :)

The story is written from several POV, and the first chapter features Sirius' as well as Regulus' POV. The second chapter will then have Remus' and James' POV for a change.

Here is the summary:

Remus and James work at a fast food chain as delivery guys. The black brothers become their loyal customers, as it seems they have really taken a liking to the taste of the pizza they offer.

What James and Remus don't know, however, is that after 20 days of Pizza for lunch straight, Sirius and Regulus hate Pizza. In fact, they can't stand Pizza's guts. They've eaten so much of it, the memory of it will last them a lifetime. Still, they don't stop ordering.

They hope that at least one of them will muster up the bravery soon to ask one of the cute delivery boys out, so they can finally stop having Pizza for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner.

Thanks again for the permission to write this based on your AU! ✨

#jegulus #wolfstar #fanfiction #jegulus ff #wolfstar ff #ao3 #Regulus Black #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #James Potter #the marauders #marauders era fanfiction #modern au #delivery service au #humor fic #ao3 fanfiction #chapter announcement #mlm fanfic

[patrophthia]

UR WRITING IS SO INSANELY GOOD you should so totally write more sirius x reader being domestic🤞🤞

YOURE TOO KIND!!? and yes domestic sirius is so bf it’s sick

hello kitty clips | sirius black

pairing: sirius black x reader

genre: fluff (yeah it’s me what did we expect), established relationships, they love eachother!!!

part of 1k celebrations event !

Sirius hips bumps into yours as you stood by his side, his hand gloved up as he focuses on the dishes in front of him.

“Hey, Sirius?” You say first, wiping away at your dishes with a dry cloth before placing it to the side. 

“Hmm?” He hums, lifting his head up slightly to look at you; a curl falling into his face and you try not giggle as he paws at it. Finally giving up and accepting his faith as someone blinded by their hair. “What is it, my love?” 

You set your cloth down, patting away any wet residue you might have on your hand as you did so. “Look at me,” you murmur and he does as told, turning to look at you with a grey eye. “I’ll pin it back for you.” 

He lets out a noise of agreement, letting you sweep his hair to one side before pinning it back with a Hello Kitty hair clip James had gotten him as gift —it was supposed to be a joke, but with his hair growing longer everyday, it had become one of the most useful thing he owned. 

“Thank you,” he tells you, leaning to press a noisily wet kiss on your cheek as you picked your cloth back up. “Now what were you going to say, sweetheart?” 

You wipe at your cheek, finding his smirk irritating —he knew you hated these messy kind of kisses which was why he’d always annoyed you by doing so, it was his love language for you. “I was going to use a pick up line on you,” you tell him, “but never mind.” 

Sirius lets out a chuckle. “We’ve been together for years and you still want to use pick up lines on me?” He teases. “You love meeeee.” 

Sirius’ finishing up the dishes with you putting them in their rightful spot to his side, the night is quiet; save for the bickering between the two of you and he wondered how many lives he saved in his past lives  to be able to be with you in this one. 

He doesn’t dwell on it though, only smiling at you; canines showing as you —in your own way— confirmed that you loved him just as much as he loves you. “Unfortunately.” 

#sirius black x reader #sirius black x y/n #sirius black crack #sirius black fanfic #sirius black x you #sirius black fluff #sirius black humor #sirius black fanfiction #🧳: my writing #🍰: 1k with patro!

[lionmythflower]

i need someone to blame so imma blame @no-names-work for getting me to read Destiny Has a Wicked Sense of Humor bc it's 1:30am and I just finished reading it and it's now one of my favorite fics

#Destiny has a wicked sense of Humor #marauders era #marauders fanfiction #marauders #slytherin skittles #evan rosier #regulus black #james potter #barty crouch jr #peter pettigrew #lily evans #remus lupin #sirius black #mary macdonald #marlene mckinnon #dorcas meadowes #pandora rosier #pandora lovegood #partyvan #starchaser #sunseeker #rosekiller #party #rosetail #lionmythflower #marypandalily #marpanlily #wolfstar #Jegulus

[thisisatotallysiriusblog24]

a few low quality marauders memes

#marauders #marauders era #james potter #sirius black #wolfstar #the marauders #dead gay wizards #remus lupin #lily evans #jily #jegulus #starchaser #sunseeker #marauders memes #marauders humor #marauders crack

[iamnmbr3]

Lucius: I have the closest relationship with the Dark Lord because I use my wealth and influence to support his efforts.

Regulus: I have press clippings about him decorating my room so I can think of him every day.

Bellatrix: I have his Mark branded on my arm and have sworn my life to his cause.

Walburga: I've supported my favorite child's ambition to join his Death Eaters.

Sirius: Ugh. This dinner couldn’t get worse.

Bellatrix: What about you, Uncle?

Alphard: I don’t kiss and tell.

Sirius: O_O I was wrong. It got worse.

#tom riddle/alphard black #crack #incorrect harry potter quotes #humor #Alphard Black #Tom Riddle #Sirius Black #Harry Potter #regulus black #alphard black/tom riddle #Alphalord

[munacy]

magnetic

@wolfstarmicrofic

They look ridiculous right now, laying flat on the uncomfortable hardwood floor of the kitchen with a woefully empty bottle of gin between them, heads flush against the Muggle refrigerator. It kicks on noisily. Remus vaguely wonders when was the last time they honest-to-God swept, but decides he can worry about that at a later time.

(That’s always what he thinks. Even sober. It’s why the floor’s not been swept in ages.) “And it’s because they’re…magentic, yes?”

He says it like magenta, the color, forcing a throaty drunk giggle from Remus’ throat.

“Close, sweetheart, close. They’re magnetic, they’re magnets. The metals have, like, opposite poles or something,”—Remus finds that in this state, it’s a bit difficult, accurately recalling basic science, but reasons that Sirius won’t know any better if he gets part of it wrong—”and it causes them to be attracted to one another.”

“Ahh, Moony, then I must be magnetic to you, eh?” Sirius murmurs lasciviously while squirming closer to Remus. However, the motion of his drunkenly swinging hand upsets the precariously placed magnet (a magnet portraying a chihuahua in a purple bikini and thong, because they are classy gentlemen and would never display a naked chihuahua). The chihuahua falls, as all great dynasties do. Smacks Sirius in the middle of his porcelain forehead, causing him to squawk in pain. Remus guffaws with abandon, sharp gleaming teeth, free, loud.

(Only Sirius gets to see this. Every one else gets the breathy chuckle, muffled into a fist or disguised as a cough.)

When Remus regains his composure, he finally notices the precious cargo in Sirius’ hand. It is a Polaroid of Lily and James at their wedding, previously pinned to the fridge by their fallen comrade.

“You know, Remus,” Sirius says softly, if a little garbled, “we should do this.”

“Take a photo together? We’ve got hundreds.”

“No, you giant twat!” he laughs. His laugh is so beautiful, so gorgeous, and, by God, Remus wants to eat it. “We should get married.” His smile is soft, angelic, dimples and blushing innocence.

(Only Remus gets to see this. Only Remus.)

“Sirius Black,” he says gravely. “Did you just propose to me on the dirty floor of our kitchen after calling me a giant twat?”

Sirius barks out a stunned laugh and adopts a put-upon frown. “What, you don’t like it? You won’t marry me because I called you a twat? I thought that—stop tickling me you bastard!—thought that was part of my charm—really, enough, you fiend!”

Remus has gained the hard-won upper hand, straddling Sirius and pinning him down. He smirks down at Sirius suggestively, then attacks with lightly peppered kisses all over his face and neck as Sirius shouts and feigns displeasure.

Through breathless laughter, Remus gets out, “You silly, imperious, capricious, beautiful, stunning creature, you can’t propose to me on the dirty floor of our kitchen after calling me a giant twat and being completely and utterly trollied, you ridiculous sod.”

Sirius puts on his very best forlorn puppy eyes. It shouldn’t work with slate grey eyes, but it does.

“But Moony,” he whines with adorable petulance, and Remus sees his pale hand scrabbling under the fridge (Disgusting, his mind supples unhelpfully), “I got you a ring and everything.”

The searching hand brandishes a bread twist-tie like a weapon, bent into barely a circle shape. Remus laughs delightedly.

“Ah, Pads,” Remus says fondly, slipping the twist-tie onto his ring finger, “You know I can never say no to you.”

He’s being half facetious.

He’s being more serious than he’s ever been.

“But! I would rather never say no to you when we’re both sober,” he finishes, smiling shyly. Sirius grins crookedly at him, kisses his hair.

“Alright, alright, Moony, point taken, no more playing.”

In the morning, when they’re both murderously hungover, Sirius doesn’t understand how Remus could possibly be surprised, not see it coming, as Sirius bends down on one knee for the real deal, with the real ring that he’s hidden in his sock drawer for weeks, both of them weeping like silly little boys. They take a Polaroid of their happy engagement, and this one is pinned to the fridge with a magnet of a Pomeranian in high heels.

#wolfstar #fluff #the fluffiest fluff to ever fluff #remus lupin x sirius black #wolfstar microfic #microfic #humor