#she's fundamentally incapable of being ready for it

[hydrachea]

Just another day with the Stellaron Hunters.

#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr silver wolf #hsr blade #i think blade would eventually learn not necessarily what skill issue means but in what context he should say it #be it from someone or just from silver wolf exposure #she's fundamentally incapable of being ready for it #no one will ever believe her either #ray's records

[syrupfog]

The thing about Zoro— is that he’s lost. 

What he doesn’t tell his crew is that he hasn’t always been lost. 

He remembers being a kid, remembers running after Kuina every chance he had. He was ALWAYS able to track her down, always able to find her when no one else was.

He knew the land around the dojo like the back of his hand. He HAD to, since in the beginning he was sleeping in the underbrush outside and pretending to come from the edge of the village for practice every day. 

The thing is, is he doesn’t know exactly when it changed.

It was sometime after be became a pirate hunter, he knows that. But timelines get tricky when he’s not sure if he was getting lost with Johnny and Yosaku because they were in a new land together, or if he was getting lost FROM them, outside of his control.

He doesn’t like to dwell on such things, things he clearly can’t change. During really lost moments he’s considered asking Chopper if it’s some sort of sickness, some brain problem, but then he steadies himself and pushes that thought down.

If he’s sick he’s sick, and if Chopper thought it was curable he would have already cured it. 

Robin mentioned once that she wondered if maybe the curse of his sword has something to do with it, and if that’s the case, then it doesn’t matter. He’s not getting rid of any of them.

His swords are as important to him as breathing. He would be nothing without them.

Still, sometimes, as he takes the third wrong turn in as many minutes, lost to the trees around him, his thoughts turn sour as he thinks back to Kuina.

Kuina, who he could, without fail, instinctually find. Kuina, who always gave him an exasperated look when he popped up demanding a rematch.

He never questioned it, at the time, his ability to locate her. It wasn’t a marvelous ability, it was just what needed to be done.

And now, no matter how hard he tries, the frustration gets to him as he realises his crew is out of reach. Not because they’re dead, not because they’ve been kidnapped, but just because he is fundamentally incapable of locating them. 

All these trees look the fucking same.

And he wonders what good he is, a first mate who can’t even find his crew. He wonders (not that he would ever voice these thoughts) if they see him as lesser— not in the joking way they tell him off for getting lost, but in a real, true, instinctual way.

Is he unreliable? Is he failing them? 

He growls and unsheathes Wado, letting loose a strike that chops down about twenty trees in front of him but leads only to more forest. 

Kuina had needed him and he hadn’t been there. What happens when he’s not there for his own crew?

They’re capable, but so had Kuina been. 

If Kuina had been lost, Zoro could have found her. He’s sure of it. But if his crew now were to get lost, he’d be useless to find them. 

Useless like he is right now, wandering in fucking circles while his thoughts follow the same spiral.

He knows his thoughts are getting too sour, knows he needs to center himself, so, with a growl of frustration, he plops himself down on the forest floor, cross legged, and starts to meditate. 

It takes longer to clear his mind when he’s agitated, but he breathes deep.

His crew is strong, he tells himself. They can survive without him, if needs be. If he never finds them again, they will still be safe. If it takes him three islands to find them, he will manage. 

He’s reached a place of neutrality in his mind, assurances repeating, when—

“Mosshead, are you ready to come home yet?” 

Zoro opens his eyes. 

Sanji is there. 

He’s got a cigarette in his mouth and hands on his hips, looking down at Zoro with an expression that Zoro wouldn’t SAY is fond exasperation, but he might think it.

“What are you doing out here, Cook?” Zoro asks, wary. Is there a harem in the woods he doesn’t know about? 

Sanji snorts. “Finding you, of course,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

Finding… Zoro. 

“Huh,” says Zoro.

He rises to his feet and Sanji pivots ninety degrees. “Come on,” he says. “We’re about forty minutes from the Sunny, and dinner’s going to be late at this rate.” 

He reaches back, blindly, and grabs Zoro’s wrist, pulling him forward.

Zoro looks down at his wrist as he walks, then up at Sanji. “How’d you know where I was?” He asks. 

Sanji’s not looking at him, but the smoke from his cigarette blows back in Zoro’s face. “Stupid,” he says. “I always know where you are. Your green hair is like a beacon.”

‘I always know where you are’. 

Zoro stumbles, just a little, just for a moment. 

He thinks of Kuina. Of finding Kuina. 

The hand around his wrist feels like fire. 

Zoro had… forgotten… that someone could find HIM, too.

#zosan #my writing

[umbral-reign]

There is a post that comes across my dash every so often which talks about the two fundamental kinds of tragedies: the story that is tragic because it was always going to end in sorrow; and the story that is tragic because it didn't *have* to end in sorrow.

The latest episode of Wheel of Time (2x07) is, I think, an example of the latter - and yet, at the same time, I think it was a tragedy that was *destined* to happen.

I know there are theories concerning Compulsion having been used on Siuan (and possibly some other theories about why she acted as she did in Cairhien), and I do not at all want to discount them because honestly it would make sense. But, taking the events of the episode at face value - as much as I hate it, and as much as I personally wish it had gone a little differently, I do think that the way Moiraine and Siuan's conflict culminated was a horrible, tragic example showing just how toxic, damaging, and outright dangerous the fundamental traditions of the White Tower (and even culture of the Aes Sedai) are and have become.

But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

I do think that this episode, more than any of the others yet, suffered from the limited episodes Rafe/the writers were given to work with. It felt rushed, and we didn't get the chance to breathe with any of the characters in the really intense and honestly critical emotional scenes (e.g. the scene at the beginning where Moiraine and Siuan talk).

And it's there - the first scene with Moiraine and Siuan - that I think the tragedy that was to come was irrevocably decided. Because if Siuan had stopped, had listened, had given Moiraine the time she needed to be able to talk about what was happening, I think the whole mess could have been avoided. But Siuan didn't.

And I understand why, I think. Siuan was afraid and hurt. To her point of view, Moiraine had made it clear that she had cut her out of her confidence and counsel. Moiraine had been purposefully neglecting to share critical information with Siuan, and that information was very impactful on her ability to fill her role in the plan. To Siuan, I'm sure it absolutely looked like Moiraine had already broken faith with her - had already decided it wasn't *them* trying to find and protect and ready the Dragon Reborn, but *Moiraine* alone. Whether Siuan thought that choice was made from pride, grief, or Moiraine distrusting/distancing herself from Siuan, I don't think it would matter really. To Siuan, the outcome was the same.

It wasn't her and Moiraine against the world anymore. It was her, and Moiraine, and the world.

And Moiraine had proven herself incapable - at least, that's what it looked like.

There were plenty of ways that this could have been avoided. Moiraine could have been more open and forthright. Lan could have told Siuan about his suspicions regarding Moiraine's stilling. There are likely things that Alanna or even Verin could have said that would have inclined one (or the other, or even both! all three of them!) to have made different choices.

But there, I think, is the reason that this tragedy, while it could have been avoided, was destined to happen all the same - in one form or another, even if not that exact time and place and between those very specific women.

Because the Aes Sedai value secrecy and personal agenda above all else. Even if those secrets and those agendas are in the service of something else, something greater - a perfect example, of course, being Moiraine searching for the Dragon Reborn - the Aes Sedai do not trust each other. They cannot. Because their lives, their very society and community, is built on secrecy, on lies-spoken-as-truth, on politics and power and hidden agendas. They are at war against themselves, and not just because of the Black Ajah. They are at war against themselves because the White Tower does not allow honesty, trust, or open loyalty between its Sisters - ever.

And that is why, in the end of it all, I think the White Tower and the Aes Sedai, at least as they exist right now, need to be razed. Because how are those who are meant to protect and guard and guide the world able to do so, if they cannot even trust *any* of their own sisters to do the same for them?

That is why, while the tragedy of this episode could have been forestalled, maybe even avoided - it was destined to happen all the same.

But it hurts - so goddamn bad - that it had to be here, and now, and between Siuan and Moiraine.

#wheel of time #wot season 2 #wot on prime #siuan sanche #moiraine damodred #moiraine sedai #moiraine x siuan #siuanraine #wot spoilers #wot meta #look. look i'm sorry this was as long as it was. #thank you to anyone who actually read it all #i realize it may have rambled a bit in the middle #this is the first meta/media analysis i've actually written let alone shared in...uhhhhh years lol #so i'm a little bit out of practice! #anyway #yeah these are my thoughts #i do think it's likely also that there is Something Else going on with Siuan #because like. damn girl. she really just did not even TRY to stop and listen to Moiraine #if anyone has any other thoughts please do share #in the mean time i'll be crying in a corner kthnx

[agentrouka-blog]

I feel the child who was most affected by Ned's death was Sansa. Her entire outlook on life changes. There is a clear separation between her thoughts before his death and those after his death. She herself makes that distinction many times. For example, she loved Joffrey and admired and trusted his mother BUT that had been before he cut off her father's head. She thought the sept of baelor the most beautiful building BUT that had been before he killed her father on its steps. Her head was full of songs and stories BUT that had been before her father's death.

I'm not sure I would quite agree with that.

Sansa isn't actually fully herself for most of the time we see her in the first book. She was always a dreamy and idealistic child, but what she is from her second chapter on is deeply traumatized already.

There's a clear phase in AGOT between the Trident Incident, where Ned killed Lady, and Ned's arrest and execution where Sansa is reeling and trying to deal with the trauma of what happened by herself, and slipping into deeper and deeper inner conflict with Ned. Reframing what happened, shifting blame more than once, shutting down her normal emotional responses, growing more morbid, more volatile... all of that is already due to a devastating event, a break in her relationship with her family, and the neglect to address it directly. She wasn't just somehow naturally incapable of perceiving reality, she was a child trying to cope with the realization that her father would not protect her. That's not her "regular self".

She comes closer to being able to voice her true anger (toward Arya), but keeps being shut down by Ned, and her one true defiance coincides with his arrest, where she immediately shifts gears into trying to control an uncontrollable situation - because she isn't ready to acknowledge a potentially even worse horror happening to them now.

If anything, Ned's death rips her out of those forms of trying to protect herself. The worst of horrors comes to pass. Instead, she lies defeated in her room, contemplating suicide, fading in and out. She returns more to her true self after she is ripped out of this grieving stasis, but I wouldn't say that she is fundamentally changed by Ned's death alone. Ned did that himself earlier. Or rather, he helped.

Sansa never has the inner resources to even address this conflict again. It has been buried in her grief. For now.

The only other Starkling to have a similar unresolved conflict with Ned is Jon, who had come closer and closer to acknowledging his anger at Ned for never speaking of Jon's mother. His reaction is closer to Arya's, wanting to rush in and fight, regardless of the futility, until he is stopped. And he too buries his anger at Ned in the aftermath, alongside his longing for the knowledge of his mother. For now.

But if we are talking fundamental change, my vote goes to Robb. He was just a boy trying to do his duty before it happened. He married his sword the day he learned of his father's death and he never looked back. He is the child most affected by Ned's death itself.

#rouka queue #sansa stark #robb stark #jon snow #eddard stark #grief #trauma #coping mechanism #parenting fail

[socialmediasocrates]

i dont go here but pls tell me all about your bg3 hot takes

thanks maddie ❤️

i'm writing my durgetav one shot rn so i will now be evangelizing my favorite niche ship that nobody else cares about

so blood in baldur's gate names one of the adventurers killed by the dark urge for being really really annoying tav, which is also the default name of the custom PC in-game. you don't have to do anything with that, but i am obsessive. naturally, this has spun off into A Whole Thing for me and now i'm going to talk about síle and bacchus

síle is the ultimate party-girl, daughter of the god of bards, born to bring joy and revelry and fun wherever she walks. she was a natural pick to reestablish the faith in baldur's gate. she came there with the intention of turning the temple of the songlord's ascendancy into a center of worship to rival the temple in waterdeep (and maybe, eventually, surpass it). and at first everything went so well! the faithful were small in number (and a bit elderly; many have forgotten milil's name since he's been away) but the congregation was growing. but then the first body rolled through her doors, and nothing has been the same since.

bacchus is the dark urge, yes, but he is also (fundamentally) an artist, a musician, a poet. his father's finest instrument, sent forth into the world to perform his greatest piece. baldur's gate never saw him coming, and síle least of all. when he began carving music into the corpses of his tributes to his great and terrible patron, he had no expectation of the compositions ever been performed. so you can imagine how intrigued he was when he visited the newly renovated temple to milil to find someone playing his songs. you can imagine how equally intrigued he was to discover the mysterious fellow musician was another aasimar.

they're great. they're terrible. he murdered her, kept her body in a special coffin for fifteen years, carved a song version of power-word kill into her skin, and then searched for her obsessively when she vanished from the temple of bhaal. she knows she should stay away from him but is literally incapable of it because she thinks he can fix him. they're irrevocably intertwined. it's the worst thing that ever happened to síle and the best thing that ever happened to bacchus and none of you are ready for the fic

#mothspeak #baldur's gate 3 #durgetav #i will evangelize this ship until someone listens i s2g

[lillotte17]

For a solavellan prompt? Guilty Solas post defeat when he and Lavellan are trying to build a new life and Lavellan getting a bit fed up with the self-pity, but it ends with mutual comforting.

Solas sits by the fire outside a large aravel, making a brave attempt at a pot of herbal tea with trace amounts of elfroot. The smell of the drink is not a bad one in and of itself, but it cannot help but be reminiscent of the taste, which he still finds abhorrent no matter how it has been prepared. He has been accused on numerous occasions of being incapable of making a decent cup of tea, to which he takes exception, as he would argue that it is fundamentally impossible to make a ‘good’ cup of tea.

Regardless, it seems to be one of the few things he has ever tried to learn which he has failed to excel at, but Aili is resting, and if she wants a soothing beverage, his are the only hands available to put to the task.

He gazes through the steam rising from the kettle, past the little clearing where they have made their camp, and out into the dense line of trees surrounding them. The colors of the sky shift, pale rainbow hues reflecting the reaches of the Fade just beyond. Not Veiled, but held. Dreams and reality seeping into one another gently, without either being overrun or locked away. Eventually, things will return to how they had once been. The world will slowly grow itself back into its magic and its wonders. Spirits and physical beings will have chances to learn how to live in peace and understanding. No more darkspawn hordes and Blights. No more Evanuris. No more Dread Wolves to burn away the past in chaos and destruction.

They live in seclusion, as they must, for now. Not everyone is as merciful as the former Inquisitor, and his crimes are numerous and ancient; the cause of so much suffering across countless ages. The weight of them is still suffocating most days, but he has done all that he can do to make it right. To live is his atonement. To carry the past and everything that was lost within his heart like a beacon, scorching the space between his lungs until he turns to ash. He will remember, and if the ones who come next ask him for the truth, he will give it to them. And if they curse his name, he will carry that, too.

Even if it breaks him.

He is accustomed to solitude, and lean living in the wilds, but with the loss of his agents, and his Heart at his side, it all feels new and bright and strange. Their single land ship is less of a home than he had claimed in the days of the empire -not a single floating crystal spire or an attendant to be found- and it is more of a home in some ways, too. They never stay in one place for more than a few months together, but he has a rhythm and a pattern and a place here. One of his own choosing. His own making. Quiet and peace and a freedom he has not known since long before he took up the mantel of Fen’Harel.

“Are you out here burning water again?” Aili asks in a thin rasp from the entrance to their tent. She looks mussed and haggard. Swathed in blankets and holding more in her one remaining arm.

“You should be resting,” he chastises without much heat. “I will bring your tea when it is ready.”

She snorts.

“As if you’d recognize when tea was ready.”

“Regardless of quality, my attempt is all there is to be had,” he reminds her archly. “Surely you were not so desperate for some boiled leaves that you felt the need to get out of bed to supervise.”

“…You were gone when I woke up.” Her voice is soft. Just shy of shaking. “You know I hate that.”

Solas lets out a huff, surprised and nearly offended.

“You think that I would abandon you now?” he wonders, “Today of all days?”

The beat of silence that follows stretches out long enough to make them both frown.

“…If you left, I do not think it would be your choice.” Aili says at last.

“It would not.” Solas agrees readily.

“But you did not think you had a choice when you sought to tear the Veil down, either.” She reminds him.

He sighs and glances away.

“But whatever the cause…I do not think I could bear to be without you again.” Aili tells him, her voice breaking on the last word.

He looks back at her, his expression wounded and worried, extending his hand in wordless offering. She shuffles towards him slowly, even with healing magic, she is sore and exhausted. She has no free hand available to grasp his fingers with, so she passes him the bundle she had been carrying, and sinks down onto the grass beside him with a long exhale of breath.

Solas freezes, caught off guard at the sudden offering, as he looks down into the blankets at the tiny sleeping face of his daughter.

It is not his first time holding her, of course. His hands were the first to receive her into this world. He had cut her cord, cleaned her gently, and passed her into her mother’s waiting arms. Her little pointed ears are still slightly bent from the manner of her arrival, and her features are a bit flushed and flattened, but there are still obvious traces of both himself and his Heart in every inch of her.

“You would endure without me, Vhenan.” He tells her softly. “You are the strongest most vibrant person I have known. If it came to it, I know you would find the means of keeping yourself and our daughter safe from harm. Even if you had to do it on your own.”

“Do not ask it of me.” Aili says, the tone of her voice is commanding and insistent. She grips his sweater with her one remaining hand, pressing her face into his shoulder, and breathing him in deep. “I have endured enough. We both have. Just because I never found the limit of my reserves doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I deserve a life of peace with the man I love. And our child deserves to know her father.”

Solas smiles, but it makes him ache to the very marrow of his bones.

“And I do not deserve either of you.”

  Aili frowns at him.

“It’s a little late to be talking like that, isn’t it?”

“Do not misunderstand,” he hurries to clarify, “I have regrets beyond counting, but you -either of you- could never be one of them. My desires are unchanged. My love for you has only deepened with time, as I knew it would. And I know it will continue to do so, even as the long years pass us by, and our daughter grows. It is simply that… My actions have stolen the very joy I covet now from so many. It was not my intent, but I do not suppose my intentions mattered very much to those who suffered and died because of the Veil I wrought, or the orb I allowed Corypheus to find. Or all the things that came after.”

She lifts her hand to touch his face. The touch is gentle, but the emotion in her violet eyes is intense and solemn. Her thumb traces the sharp angle of his cheek as she considers how to respond.

“I think…you are right,” Aili tells him with a sigh. “Your intentions will mean little to those who have been lost or injured in the chaos that followed the creation of the Veil. But…I do not think any amount of self-flagellation would appease them, either. Killing you will not give them back their lives, or heal the other wounds that may have been inflicted. The revenge of it may taste sweet for a moment, but it would not fix the things that were broken.”

A tear slides down his face, but she brushes it away. He takes a deep shuddering breath, accepting her words without rebuttal. His arms tighten around his sleeping daughter and she squirms slightly, making a vague noise of protest.  

“You always give yourself too much credit, Ma sa’lath.” Aili chastises him quietly while checking that the baby is not about to wake. “I suppose with a name that means ‘pride,’ you cannot help it much. You are not innocent in the tragedies that befell the world, but that does not make you guilty for all of them either. You made mistakes, and some of them were terrible. Some may not even be forgivable. But you helped people, too. You healed those who were hurting. You freed thousands from slavery. You saved my life more times than I can count. When you saw that you were wrong, you changed. You stopped. You tried to fix the things that had gone awry. I do not think that it is necessary or wise for you to forget the errors that you made in the past, but… I would ask that you try to remember the good you have done as well. I know I do.”

“The misjudgments far outweigh the acts of altruism, I’m afraid,” He sighs.

“Well…you could change that,” Aili points out, smiling faintly. “What’s the use of living forever if you can’t spend that time growing into the person that you want to be? Once things settle down, there’s nothing stopping us from wandering Thedas helping people where we can.”

“You do not wish to rejoin your clan?” Solas wonders.

“I…accepted the fact that I could never go back to them a long time ago,” Aili says with a shake of her head. “I miss them all, but even if your infamy were not an issue, the former Inquisitor is still a target for plenty of idiots trying to make a name for themselves. I’m their First, and I have to protect them, even if it means staying away.”

“And I am sorry for that, too.” He bows his head.

“Don’t be.” She shrugs. “It is…not the life I thought I would have, but it is not a bad one. You are my clan now. Both of you. It is enough. More than enough. It’s everything.”

Solas leans forward and kisses her cheek tenderly.

The baby wriggles, waking in earnest this time. She squints up at the brightness of the sky with the same violet eyes as her mother. Solas pulls the blanket up higher to give her some shade, rocking her slightly as Aili hums to her and offers her fingers as a distraction. The baby does not seem overly distressed for now, merely observing the world around her as best she can, and wondering at it all.

“I…hope I can teach her well enough to avoid the sorts of mistakes that I made,” Solas says after a few quiet moments of watching her.

“You are an excellent teacher,” Aili grins, “But I also think it would be almost impossible for anyone else to repeat your mistakes, Ma sa’lath. You’re a tough act to follow.”

“Suppose I…” he frowns, a deep line of worry furrowing his brow, “What if I continue to make mistakes? What if something else goes wrong, and I try to fix it, only to watch the world shatter and she-”

“Shh,” Aili soothes, “She will teach you, too. Our daughter will grow and change along with this world as it comes back into its magic. You will learn to love and care for it through her eyes. She will not lead you astray. Ma ghilana, Da’vhenan.”

“Ma ghilana, Da’vhenan,” Solas echoes, smiling down at his daughter’s face.

She offers him a pleased sounding burble in reply.

“…Ghilani.” He suggests softly.

Aili smiles, warm and bright.

“Ghilani,” she agrees.   

#Solavellan #solas x lavellan #solas #lavellan #aili lavellan #Ghilani #soalvellan family #fic #replies #thank you for sending me a prompt!!! ToT

[pretend-pretend-vampire]

just had session 0.5 of ilaria's game, in which the storyteller and I established a bit of the background surrounding ilaria's Embrace. here's a small timeline! it's very fucked up (cults, suicide, vampiric age differences, charm and blood bonding, infidelity, head trauma, etc.)! they're hecata though, what do you expect.

ilaria married their husband durante when they were 30 and he was. well. we didn't establish his age exactly. they'd been dating for 2 years at that point. we did not cover this in detail

what we DID cover in detail was how cool his adoptive mother evelyn is. cool enough of a mother-in-law that she invited ilaria to a bahari church and with a little bit of... persuasion... got them to commit some very sadistic infidelity with her + one of the bahari believers and then blood bonded ilaria afterwards. awful stuff, but again. hecata.

hubby was annoyed that ilaria was out longer than usual without telling him but he's pathetic and annoying so that was unimportant

despite not being religious, the bahari church and the lilins within were pretty cool. there was a nosferatu, claire, who answered a lot of questions. also injuries are fun to look at. lots of worrying vague cultish talk that didn't bother ilaria that much because that's just how religions are and it was amusing. plus evelyn is just so damn charming they can't help but stick around

and then, 6 months after the blood bond, the walk. they took a turn down a dark alley and WHAM evelyn got hit in the back of the head with a metal baseball bat. ilaria went protecc mode and despite getting hit in the shoulder for 1 point of damage they managed to rip the guy's bat out of his hands and scare him off.

they checked on evelyn, who hadn't moved since being knocked to the ground with a caved-in skull. except... her skull started knitting itself back together. she got up of her own accord and was very suddenly on top of ilaria.

the bite came next. the single most agonising thing ilaria had ever felt, far beyond any 10 most mortals would ever experience. even a big tough dom like ilaria was reduced to a crying, writhing mess who couldn't escape no matter how hard they tried. they were completely drained of life.

after that, an after you'd never expect to happen... they awoke with a wrist at their lips. evelyn's wrist, bleeding into their mouth less than you'd expect for how deep the cut was. evelyn retreated when they stirred and loosely bandaged the wound. ilaria felt this... need. they weren't sure what for. it was like a hunger, like a thirst, something fundamental they couldn't quite place.

evelyn offered them something. bags of red, bags of blood. almost mindlessly, barely even aware of themself and entirely incapable of stopping themself, they slaked their all-consuming thirst with the liquid.

when they calmed down, evelyn gave them some basics on the situation and expectations. ilaria couldn't help but listen, having had 2 sips from her already. she was so sweet, so kind, even if she had just inflicted something so incomprehensibly horrible on them. the aura of unease that had followed her while ilaria was human had vanished.

a few days of experimentation and growing, growling thirst later, ilaria approached evelyn about feeding. evelyn explained some more about how if they want the pangs to leave, they'll have to drain someone to death. they talked about blood resonances for a bit (ilaria rolled their eyes at the 4 humours) too

the first kill was decided. ilaria went to a bridge on the river and, luckily, found a lone man there ready to jump. ilaria went to Get Him and it was. pretty bad. he accepted their offer to end it for him, but hecata bites make it not so easy, and, despite himself, he struggled. they didn't let go. they drank up every last drop of life from him, enjoying it as both a sadist and a vampire. those weren't the only sensations in the mix though, and they! were! traumatised! yay!!!

evelyn was sympathetic for how bad that was and ilaria' felt incredibly conflicted about how it went. evelyn handled corpse disposal not by chucking the man in the river but by turning him to dust.

the two had A Talk in the car, and it turns out that was maybe kind of slightly unnecessary. ilaria didn't have it in them to HATE evelyn, but there was definitely anger bubbling over. hooray for composure as a dump stat!

durante was waiting at home, and when he saw ilaria's bloodstained chin and clothes, he got angry. he confronted them about the Embrace, saying he'd been waiting for his turn for 70 goddamn years. apparently he'd been ghoulified when he was younger by his now-deceased biological parents and he'd waited for his parents and then his adoptive mother to sire him.

unfortunately for durante, he had never been vampire material! spineless, weak, subservient, pathetic. exactly what had made him a good partner for the commanding ilaria, though things had become more and more strained over the years.

strained enough that after a talk about how incompetent he was and how maybe he should try harder, lol, he threatened his wife. he told them if they stayed the day they wouldn't see the next night.

ilaria got the last laugh and left, managing to duck out of the way of a statuette he tried to throw at them. they returned to evelyn and explained the whole "your son and I are getting a divorce" thing and they laughed together about it because god he's a loser

more information on the kindred world was passed along to ilaria. the masquerade, the factions, the clans. also, turns out evelyn is close to 200 years old!

a few months later, ilaria and evelyn attended a hecata family gathering. a charismatic samedi, jackson, recognised evelyn and greeted her there. he (and evelyn) explained a bit about the different families present, as well as The Family Reunion. ilaria listened, but was fascinated by the rotting state of the man and got a little too excited! yay messy criticals! their Beast spoke to and as them about how he'd look so pretty all cut up, which intimidated him into leaving.

more soon!

#text #vtm #cw cults #cw sui #cw mind control #(kinda???) #cw head trauma #cw age difference #cw infidelity #bahari #hecata #zin plays #chronicle: ey i'm vampin' 'ere!!! #character: ilaria vann #incredibly problematic behaviour on display here #by many measures #but! entertaining as a story #awful stuff. awful awful stuff. I'm having a ball

[thegreaterlink]

Reviewing Star Trek TNG - S3E16 "The Offspring"

Sorry, I would've posted this yesterday, but I felt like absolute shit and couldn't finish it in time.

THE PREMISE

Data surprises the Enterprise's crew by revealing that he has created a humanoid android named Lal based on recent advances in Federation cybernetics technology and his own design. He describes the android as his child, and encourages them to choose their own identity. Lal chooses a female form (Hallie Todd) and begins to learn about humanity from her interactions with the crew.

Picard is less than pleased that Data conducted Lal's creation without informing him, and is forced by general orders to report Lal's existence to Starfleet. The news prompts Admiral Haftel to travel to the Enterprise to personally evaluate Lal.

MY REVIEW

This episode feels like an attempt to ape the brilliance of "The Measure of a Man" with a similar theme but without the necessary talent. Though that's not to say it's completely without merit.

For example, Picard summons Data to his ready room, understandably concerned over Data casually creating a fully functional artificial life form without even letting him know, to which Data counters that Picard wouldn't be bringing it up if he wasn't an android, and Picard has no answer. Picard also objects to having Lal deactivated, since she's still a life form. The argument boils down to all of Picard's arguments against Lal - creating life, taking on the responsibility of raising said life - only being relevant because he's an android, leading to a rare Picard double facepalm.

So right away we can understand both points of view. Good scene.

Meanwhile, Data continues to tutor Lal on the various aspects of human existence such as senses and means of self-expression like art. While it's interesting to see Data help another being through his own experiences, Lal quickly begins to ask more advanced questions:

"Father? What is my purpose?"

"Purpose?"

"My function. My reason for being."

"...our function is to contribute in a positive way to the world in which we live."

Sure. Works for me. It's a much better answer than 42, anyway.

But when Data is overwhelmed by her questions, he just shuts her off. Y'know, it's like if your five-year-old wouldn't stop asking questions and you punched them out.

Lal's first day at school goes poorly as well. Lieutenant Ballard (yes, this random side character who never appears outside of this scene in this episode has a canonical name) says the other children are intimidated by her, but the way it's staged makes it look more like she's unwilling to interact with them.

Data explains to Lal that people are often intimidated by things that are new and different, and Lal shows maybe a hint of frustration at the circumstances of her existence beyond her control, an interesting idea which sadly doesn't get much development aside from this scene.

Clearly out of his depth, Data turns to Dr Crusher for advice on being a successful parent. Though some might say he's going to the wrong place, he doesn't have a lot of other options, unless you count Troi. Long scene short, she suggests that Data lets his daughter know that he isn't alone and that he understands her confusion.

"I can give her attention, Doctor. But I am incapable of giving her love."

Yet another interesting idea thrown into the ring.

Data realises that he's not the best person for the job, and leaves Lal in the care of Guinan, who begins to teach her the fundamentals of human interaction and behaviour. Lal even uses the contraction "I've," much to the others' surprise.

Sure, when Data uses a contraction, he's an impostor, but when Lal uses one she's congratulated. That doesn't seem fair.

Speaking of which, this episode makes several references to Data being one of a kind, seemingly forgetting that Lore is probably still floating around in space somewhere.

Guinan is probably the best influence for Lal, teaching her about more advanced human dynamics such as flirting and romance. When Riker comes in and starts flirting with her (I should clarify that at this point he doesn't know he's chatting up the offspring of the last crewmember he'd ever expect), she decides to... test this knowledge.

Honestly, I can only assume that's just the regular effect Jonathan Frakes has on women. Though he did direct this episode, so that may have been biased.

Lal expresses frustration to her father about being unable to feel love, wondering why they keep trying to emulate something they can never achieve. Data explains that the effort itself has its own rewards. Lal tests her knowledge of affection again (thankfully in a different way) by holding her father's hand in a show of affection. I think Data would've shed a tear if he could.

Then Admiral Haftel shows up.

Haftel is essentially our Bruce Maddox for this episode. And while I'm not going to pretend Maddox was a particularly likable character, he was far from the obvious strawman Haftel is depicted as. Because we can't have a debate about androids counting as real people without someone arguing against it.

He of course sugarcoats his intentions with Lal when he meets with her, saying that the Federation would be delighted to meet her. And to be fair, he's understandably concerned that the equivalent of a giant newborn child with the strength of ten men has been allowed relatively free reign of a Galaxy-class starship, but we can gather that it's the same "keep her in a lab like a test subject" plans that you'd expect.

Data is obviously unwilling to hand his child over to the same people who once tried to disassemble him and Picard being similarly resistant to the idea. Lal is also reluctant to leave the Enterprise, and confides in Counsellor Troi. During the meeting she's clearly distraught, even stuttering in her speech, and Troi can even sense her fear.

I want to reiterate this: the empath can sense emotions from an android.

How exactly Lal is developing so quickly and more than her father ever has is a bit unclear, but it can probably be handwaved by whatever technology Data used to build her. In any case, an android feeling tangible emotions and being unable to properly understand them is terrifying, especially when said emotion is primal fear of her likely imminent death.

While Data and Haftel continue to argue, Troi interrupts to tell them that Lal has returned to Data's lab - something she was programmed to do in the event of a malfunction. Data identifies a cascade failure in Lal's positronic brain, and quickly gets to work.

Hours pass. Haftel emerges from the lab with bad news:

"She… she won't survive much longer. There was nothing anyone could have done. We'd repolarize one pathway and another would collapse. And then another. His… hands were moving faster than I could see, trying to stay ahead of each breakdown. He refused to give up. He was remarkable. Just… wasn't meant to be."

Wow, that sounds like it would've been way more interesting to actually see instead of it just being described.

Back in the lab, with Data unable to correct Lal's system failure, he's forced to shut her down, and the two say their goodbyes.

"I feel."

"What do you feel, Lal?"

"I love you, father."

"I wish I could feel it with you."

"I will feel it for both of us… thank you for my life."

Cut to Data returning to the bridge, explaining that Lal suffered complete neural failure, but that he's transferred her memories to him. As he takes his station, he stares into space, obviously affected by the experience.

6.5/10 - Perhaps the most tragic case of missed potential in the series so far.

#star trek #star trek the next generation #star trek tng #star trek review #star trek tng review #jean luc picard #captain picard #will riker #geordi la forge #wesley crusher #deanna troi #star trek worf #uss enterprise #star trek data #beverly crusher

[ellicler]

on the topic of whether harry & kim's relationship can (not) be healthy i tend to see it the same way as the whole of harry's story in martinaise. you can fully play it in a hopeful way: getting better & getting your shit together & becoming rie or die for kim. but you're free to tell a different story, you can continue you substance abuse, become a fascist, even alienate kim and get fired from RCM, die in an accident or actually kill yourself. those are fully realistic possibilities.

so sure, it's realistic that harry's tendency towards idealising & idolising his SOs is gonna kick them in the ass. it's possible that substance abuse either continues and kim has to deal with 'sorry cop' mode 24/7 or become the focal point of harry's recovery & bear the brunt of inevitable failures. it's also possible that recovery & working for RCM are fundamentally incompatible for harry. kim's ready to put up with him being a raging fascist if only he keeps getting results (and kim will defend him to his colleagues and harry will keep his job; the only way he doesn't afaik is if he's a BAD detective) and that's a somewhat sinister side to kim's unending patience & forgiveness he shows to harry from the beginning (fellow cops deserve all the benefit of the doubt as long as they're willing to keep working). maybe kim will try to keep up the delicate balancing act with harry's mental health in order to keep him working (with the best of intentions no doubt!) and that's what keeps harry incapable of getting better.

but! it's ALSO completely possible that harry just. is inspired to become a better and more stable version of himself when he spends time with kim. without putting any impossible expectations on him. the ease comfort and light that i see simply in them spending time in one another's company don't need overthinking. they just *vibe*, they click, this shit works!! and kim, in spite of his ideals, fully supports harry in going off the book, be it playing a board game on the clock or letting a suspect get away so that she doesn't kill herself. maybe kim does believe that people are more important than things. maybe he's capable of change, too.

#disco elysium #this is incoherent and fails to make three separate points at once #but i just had to put it out there #anyway let harry retire 2k22 #or i guess do a revolution and get him to train community patrols or whatever

[justalitlecreacher]

Anakin Skywalker Deserved Better

Ive made this post before but it was really rough and i meant to edit it later and its later now but its been so long that i don’t feel like finding the og post so here we are. If it’s not obvious i care more than a normal amount about Anakin Skywalker.

Tl;Dr: I firmly believe that there are so many points in the prequel series, the clone wars, and even the comics that some level of intervention could have steered Anakin away from falling in Revenge of the Sith.

The Phantom Menace 

This is our first encounter with Anakin, and it does a decent job at introducing us to him. This movie sets up his tragic backstory™️ and gives us a good look at his personality; Anakin appears selfless and eager to help complete strangers in return for nothin when he first brings Qui-Gon and crew to his home to give them shelter, and then risks his life in the podrace to help them afford the part they need to fix their ship. Aside from introducing and developing Anakin not much else happens until Qui-Gon brings Anakin before the Jedi Council where they decide he is too old and there is already too much anger in him to be trained as a Jedi. Qui-Gon disagress, but we move on to Naboo where 9-year old Anakin blows up a very large ship all; by himslef w/ autopilot ( they grow up so fast), Qui-Gon dies, and we get our first look at Palpatine being creepy in hindsight, “And you, young Skywalker, we will watch your career with great interest.” not all that weird out of context but uncomfy when you remember who Palpatine is.

Before we move on i actually want to flashback to Anakin’s first encounter with the Jedi Council. For a group of people who constantly take in and raise children, the Jedi seem to do a poor job interacting with them. A kind of infuriating thing about this scene is that the Jedi seem to shame Anakin for being afraid (no matter how much Anakin himself denies that fear). This scene does a really good job at setting up how the Jedi consistently fail to take into account that Anakin is fundamentally incapable of being a “normal” Jedi. Anakin has had a fundamentally different childhood than any other Jedi and absolutely needed more help and support than the average Padawan from the very beginning. Granted it is possible that the Jedi tried to get him the help and support he needed, but if they did we can infer they failed from Dooku’s line in Revenge of the Sith, “I sense great fear in you, Skywalker. You have hate, you have anger, but you don’t use them.”

Obi-Wan And Anakin Comic

The Obi-Wan and Anakin comics take place sometime between The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. The story focuses on Anakin and Obi-Wan investigating a distress signal on a planet that has been destroyed by war. The comic also flashes back to reveal that Anakin is thinking of leaving the Jedi Order after Palpatine shows him the dark side of Coruscant, and tells him that neither the Jedi nor the Senate will be able to do anything about it. We get more creepy (not just in hindsight this time) moments out of Palpatine here. The first one is when he uses his position as Chancellor to gain access to Anakin under the guise of “helping” him.  “Why young Skywalker is a Jedi, is he not? The Jedi are under the Senate’s jurisdiction. And as I am the Chancellor of the Senate...”. Palpatine proceeds to take Anakin to a club of some kind where they see a corrupt senator gambling; Palpatine also mentions how “Lives are bought and sold here everyday” he then makes a show of apologizing for bringing it up considering Anakin’s past.Without context this would seem harmless enough, but with the context of Palpatine’s true identity it is more likely a ploy to subelty remind Anakin of how the Jedi and Senate are unable or unwilling to intervene on Tatooine or the rest of the Outer Rim. Palpatine reminding Anakin of the Senate and Jedi’s inability to help everyone seems to be a running theme in their meeting as the series continues. 

Aside from Palpatine being a creep; we see that Anakin is still just as willing and eager to help as he was in The Phantom Menace. His skills in mechanics result in him being briefly kidnapped so that he can fix weapons that will help one side to win the war that has destroyed the planet. Seriously Anakin is just so ernest in these comics that i shed tears because i know how his story ends. 

One character that Obi-Wan and Anakin team up with to reach the distress signal first mistakes Anakin for Obi-Wan’s son, and then tells Obi-Wan, “He [Anakin] doesn’t think so. Kid idolizes you. You can see it” when Obi-Wan admits that he’s not sure he is the best suited to teach Anakin, and fears he has failed him in some way. As the story progresses, it is revealed in a flashback that after Anakin told Obi-Wan he wanted to leave the Order, Yoda sent the two of them on the mission they are currently on to give Anakin a chance to reconsider his decision, and Obi-Wan tells Yoda that if Anakin returned from the mission still wanting to leave the Order, Obi-Wan would leave with him to continue his training and keep his promise to Qui-Gon. 

Attack of the Clones

Back to the movies. Attack of the Clones reunites Obi-Wan and Anakin with Padmé Amidala when they are assigned to protect her from an assassin. One of ( if not the) most important elements to this movie are Anakin’s dreams/visions of his mother. Towards the beginning of the movie Anakin doesn’t explicitly say what the dreams are about, but it can be assumed that the dreams are unpleasant as he says, “I don't sleep well anymore.” in response to Obi-Wan commenting on him looking tired; going on to claim that he cannot sleep because of his dreams. Anakin later admits to Padmé that he worries about his mother. This is one of the key moments in Anakin’s life that set him up to fall in Revenge of the Sith. There is no reason i can think of that Anakin should not have been allowed to check on his mother if he was having dreams about her that prevented him from sleeping properly and made him worry for her safety. As Anakin says, “Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi's life, so you might say we're encouraged to love.”. If compassion truly is central to a Jedi’s life, then surely they could at the very least send one of their 10,000 Jedi to check on Anakin’s mother if he could not? Is it compassion to deny someone the help they need? I find it hard to believe that Anakin would not have told Obi-Wan that he was worried about his mother going off of how close they appear to be in the previous comic. Especially after Anakin responds to Obi-Wan joking about Anakin being the death of him one day with, “Don't say that Master... You're the closest thing I have to a father... I love you. I don't want to cause you pain.” 

Anakin and Padmé arrive too late to save Shmi, and she dies in Anakin’s arms. This is a crucial moment leading up to Anakin’s fall as it shows Anakin that his dreams have a very real potential of coming true and likely results in him blaming himself at least partially for not insisting on checking on his mother or getting there sooner or doing anything different that may have allowed her to survive; it’s also the first time we see Anakin really lose control. There have been instances of him lashing out in anger before (turning a pair of padawans’ lightsabers against them when he hears them making fun of him behind his back), but nothing like what happens in the wake of Shmi’s death. Anakin wipes out the entire village of Tusken Raiders; children included. And while Anakin does express genuine remorse for his actions, he never faces consequences for them. It’s not even clear if anyone but Padmé ever finds out; Yoda claims to feel Anakin’s pain in the wake of his mother’s death, but does not appear to see Anakin’s actions, and is not shown to discuss what happened on Tatooine with Anakin at all.

Some light googling on my part revealed that in the novelization of Attack of the Clone, while Anakin did tell Obi-Wan about his mother’s death it was Padmé who told Obi-Wan how she had died, but Obi-Wan is unaware of what happened afterwards. “Anakin had told him of Shmi’s death; that was why he and Padmé had gone to Tatooine, he said. Obi-Wan had talked to Padmé later, and she had explained that Shmi had been kidnapped and killed by Tusken Raiders. Neither of them had been willing to go into much detail, and from what Obi-Wan knew of the Tusken Raiders, he didn’t blame them. It was no wonder Anakin seemed shaken, if his mother had been tortured and killed. One day, perhaps, Anakin would be willing to tell him the whole story.” Obi-Wan appears to know that there is more to the story than he has been told, but it content to wait until Anakin is ready to talk about it. I wonder if they ever had that conversation.

Anakin’s inability to save his mother even after the warnings he receives in his dreams likely leads to his desperation to save Padmé form the danger he believes her to be in later in Revenge of the Sith. He has been shown once before that his dreams can easily come true, and he is desperate to prevent this dream from coming true no matter what the cost may be. 

The Clone Wars

This is gonna be a long one; it’s gonna have to cover the most relevant episodes of The Clone Wars and oh boy that’s not a small amount. Im gonna try to go chronologically but bear with me (if you actually read this far you know what you got yourself into)

Assassin s3ep7

In this episode Ahsoka begins having visions of Padmé being assassinated similarly to how Anakin dreamed of his mother’s and later Padmé’s deaths. The difference with Ahsoka is that she is able to prevent the visions from becoming reality.  What i want to focus on in this episode is the reaction Ahsoka gets when she tells Yoda about her dreams. Yoda explains to her that her dream may be telling her something and provides her with the means to act on her visions to prevent them from becoming true.

When Anakin approaches Yoda about his dreams in Revenge of the Sith, Yoda simply tells him that death is natural and he must train himself to let go of everything he fears to lose. We could chalk this up to just a writing inconsistency, but i dont think i will. I would instead like to wonder why Yoda treats Ahsoka’s visions like they are something that can be changed but then treats Anakin’s like they are set in stone. Anakin has already proven himself capable of having true visions, and is more force sensitive than any other living Jedi. It makes no sense to dismiss Anakin’s feelings like this. All this to say looking into and helping Anakin to examine his dreams instead of telling him to let go when he has proven over and over to be incapable of doing so would likely have been significantly more helpful in the long run.

The Mortis Arc S3 Ep15-17

Honestly i dont have a lot to say on this arc aside how much psychic damage it dealt to see Anakin briefly turn to the dark side because he was so desperate o avoid the future The Son had shown him ( really hope everyone had the common sense not to bring that up to Anakin after the fact though).

 The Deception Arc S4 Ep15+18

In this arc Obi-Wan fakes his death in order to go undercover as the bounty hunter Rako Hardeen and uncover a plot to kidnap the Chancellor. This wouldn’t be a problem if they had brought Anakin in on the plan; instead they use Anakin’s reaction to Obi-Wan’s “death” to better sell the illusion. Obi-Wan even says, “Keeping Anakin on the outside was critical. Everyone knows how close we are. It was his reaction that sold the sniper. I'm sure of it.” Obi-Wan and the Council are fully aware of how much Obi-Wan means to Anakin, yet they all decide to use those feelings to their own advantage with little regard for the consequences.

On top of betraying Anakin’s trust; this move leads Anakin to doubt the Jedi Council and wonder what else they may be keeping from him if they  were willing to let him believe that Obi-Wan was dead as long as it suited their interests. “How many other lies have I been told by the Council? And how do you know that you even have the whole truth?”. 

I just cannot imagine why they thought they even had to use Obi-Wan for this plan. In the Obi-Wan and Anakin comic, Obi-Wan claims that there are 10,000 Jedi; surely there is someone less connected or with less attention on them who would be more suited to go undercover without the element of faking their death. Or if faking their death was necessary, surely they could have picked a Jedi who was not closely attached to arguably the most emotionally unstable Jedi in the Order. Anyone else would have been better. I don’t doubt that Anakin was telling the truth when he said, “If it was up to me I would kill you right here! But lucky for you, the man you murdered would rather see you rot in jail.”.

The Deception Arc just really grinds my gears because it really is almost like the Council wants Anakin to fall. There really is no excuse for how they use his bond with Obi-Wan against him for their own gain. The Council and Obi-Wan know full well how much Anakin loves Obi-Wan (see Anakin referring to Obi-Wan as the closest thing he has to a father in Attack of the Clones), and chose to use this vulnerability against Anakin in the worst way possible. 

This arc really sets Anakin to later doubt Obi-Wan and the Council in Revenge of the Sith, and make it easier for Palpatine to convince Anakin that no Jedi would understand him and that they would likely kick him out of the order and not help him. ( heck he even has a recent memory of the Jedi expelling a 14 year old from the Order for the sake of not looking bad in the eyes of the Senate. “I understand your sentiment, Obi-Wan, but if the Council does as you suggest, it could be seen as an act of opposition to the Senate. I'm afraid we have little choice.” i might go more in depth on this one later but this doesn’t feel like the right place as this is a post about Anakin and i don’t want to make and Ahsoka centric arc all about him).  

That wraps up the Clone Wars! Finally!

Revenge of the Sith

Ok big finale. Revenge of the Sith; so close to being my favorite Star Wars movie, but it almost made me cry in the library so its my second favorite (Attack of the Clones is my favorite). 

I’ve already touched on the dreams Anakin has of Padmé’s death in the Clone Wars segment, but it bears repeating and i have more to touch on. Im not 100% if im misremembering or not but i cannot recall Anakin ever explicitly telling Palpatine about his dreams, but Palpatine knows that Anakin fears for Padmé’s life anyway. It’s possible that Anakin just told him off screen but a fic i read recently ( It’s called give me one more night by Spongyllama on AO3 and it is so worth the read) introduced me to the theory that it had been Palpatine sending Anakin the dreams to begin with.

This theory has a good amount of legs to stand on honestly. As mentioned previously, Anakin never tells Palpatine about his dreams, but Palpatine still knows exactly what to tell Anakin to best manipulate him. Furthermore; Anakin’s dreams very likely would never have come true if Anakin hadn’t fallen; Padmé reportedly dies of heartbreak, something that could not have happened had Anakin not fallen. All signs point to Palpatine being behind the dreams (and we know that Anakin and Palpatine are close by the time Attack of the Clones occurs so it’s not out of question that Anakin may have told Palpatine about the dreams about his mother, giving Palpatine the idea to use those dreams against him later)

Conclusion

Honestly the biggest thing i think the Jedi could have improved on was just trying to understand Anakin better. The average age for entering the order is 2 to 3 compared to Anakin’s 9. Anakin entered the order years after any other Jedi, and because of that was able to remember his mother and had formed attachments (or attachment but i digress) before he had even reached the order. It should have been obvious from the start that if Anakin were to ever become a successful Jedi he would need significantly more help than the usual padawan.

We frequently see Anakin scolded for forming attachments or being too emotional (see Clone Wars s1e6-7 where R2-D2 goes missing and Anakin suggests taking a squad out to look for him “Anakin, it's only a droid. You know attachment is not acceptable for a Jedi.”(Obi-Wan) “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”(Yoda). etc etc)  But, to the best of my knowledge, we never really see anyone showing Anakin how to let go. Anakin lacks the tools he needs to properly deal with his emotions, so the best he can do is shove them down and pretend they don’t exist because to him that’s what a proper Jedi does. No one has ever told him otherwise. The explosion was inevitable.

Anakin Skywalker was a traumatized child who was most likely never taken to therapy or told how to deal with/ healthily show his emotions in any way other than to ignore them or push them aside on top of being manipulated by Sith Lord from a young age. With all these factors is it really a surprise that Palpatine was able to turn him?

ok im done; see yall next time ig

#anakin skywalker #star wars prequels #star wars the clone wars #anakin #character analysis #long post #read more #id apologize but itd be a lie

[rapeculturerealities]

Before giving birth, check that your family has sufficient toilet paper. Prepare ready-made meals for your husband, who surely “is not good at cooking.” Tie up your hair, “so that you don’t look disheveled” even as you go without a bath. And after the baby arrives, keep a “small-size” dress in sight — you’ll need motivation not to take that extra bite.

These words of advice, offered to pregnant women by the authorities in Seoul, have created a backlash in South Korea, where the government can ill afford to fumble as it desperately tries to compel women to have more babies and reverse the world’s lowest birthrate.

The pregnancy guidelines were first published on a government website in 2019. But they caught the attention of the public only in recent days, causing an outcry on social media, where people said they reflected outmoded views that persist in segments of the deeply patriarchal society and petitioned for their removal.

Yong Hye-in, an activist and politician, said that under the guidelines, a woman’s child-rearing responsibilities were doubled by having to care for her husband too. A better tactic for those married to men incapable of doing things like throwing away rotting food, Ms. Yong wrote on Twitter, would be divorce.

Experts called the government’s advice a missed opportunity. “I think it is written by someone who never gave birth,” said Dr. Kim Jae-yean, chairman of the Korean Association of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. He added that the government should have provided practical advice on issues like breastfeeding.

A petition started online last week, which has been signed by more than 21,000 people, called for a public apology from officials, as well as disciplinary action against those who released the guidelines.

In an email to The New York Times, the public health division of the Seoul city government said it felt “responsible for not reviewing and monitoring the contents, approved at the time, thoroughly and closely.” It said it would review its online content, and improve gender sensitivity training for all municipal employees.

While the most offensive parts of the guidelines have been removed, some of the advice remains online, and screenshots of the original text continue to circulate on social media.

“Why are we looking for the cause of the low birthrate from far away? It’s right here,” wrote one person on Twitter. Another said women were infuriated by the rules: “Who made this guideline? There are lots of things to be corrected.”

Some lawmakers criticized the messaging as damaging for South Korea’s reputation.

“It is awkward that the anachronistic admonition on how pregnant women should serve their families is still being distributed,” Woo Sang-ho, a lawmaker of the governing Democratic Party, wrote on Facebook last week, before the guidelines were removed.

Others, however, said the online criticism went too far.

“I don’t think it’s that ridiculous to suggest women prepare food and the house,” said Kyung Jin Kim, 42, a former lawyer based in Seoul, who recently left her career to start a family. But she said the guidelines could have been more useful “if the tone were not so like a middle-aged Korean guy or an old Korean mother-in-law.”

Under the recommendations, women were advised to check their household essentials so that their family members would “not be uncomfortable.” They were also urged to clean out the fridge, prepare meals and find someone to care for their other children.

The advice made no mention of any responsibilities for husbands. But it did have some suggestions for how to remain attractive to them.

“Hang the clothes you wore before your marriage or small-size clothes you would like to wear after childbirth by putting one in a place you can easily see,” the original text from the site read. It added that “when you feel like you would like to eat more than you need to, or skip exercising, you get motivated by looking at the clothes.”

Though South Korea has become an economic and cultural powerhouse, many women still experience misogyny in very practical terms.

According to a 2017 report by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, the gender pay gap in South Korea is the highest among its 37 member countries. Working women earn nearly 40 percent less than men, and many stop working when they have children, often pressured by their families and workplaces.

Other countries in the region, including Japan — which also has an aging population and a low birthrate — have broad gender disparities, especially in relation to pregnancy. In Japan, the term “matahara” (short for maternity harassment) caught on when a woman’s claims of workplace bullying after she gave birth were heard in the country’s Supreme Court in 2014.

These declining populations pose a threat to the countries’ economies, making it all the more important that governments tread carefully in incentivizing women to have children.

Last year, South Korea’s population declined for the first time on record, dropping by nearly 21,000. Births fell by more than 10.5 percent, and deaths rose by 3 percent. The Ministry of Interior and Safety acknowledged the alarming implications, saying that “amid the rapidly declining birthrate, the government needs to undertake fundamental changes to its relevant policies.”

Though the Seoul government may have fumbled in its advice, the backlash, some said, proved that attitudes were changing.

“This is just outdated advice,” said Adele Vitale, a birth doula and Italian expatriate who has lived in Busan, a port city on the country’s southeast coast, for a decade.

Ms. Vitale, who works primarily with foreign women married to Korean men, said that though Korean society had traditionally perceived pregnant women as “incapacitated,” she had increasingly seen their husbands adopting more egalitarian views toward childbirth and child rearing.

“Family dynamics have been evolving,” she said. “Women are no longer willing to be treated this way.”

#sexism #South Korea #patriarchy #workplace #maternity leave #pregnancy

[oldshrewsburyian]

if u ever wanna dump an essay about edward fairfax rochester to me...I’m here!

Ahh, you must know how dangerous such an invitation is to an enthusiast! It’s a rainy Sunday evening, I’ve poured myself a glass of wine, and I’m ready to do this. I think Charlotte Brontë is doing and exploring some really interesting things in the character of Rochester, which sometimes get flattened/left out in adaptations. To be fair to the adaptations: he’s still compelling as a Brooding Gothic Protagonist.™

Prolegomenon I: I haven’t read the scholarship on Jane Eyre since undergrad, and I haven’t read The Wide Sargasso Sea since graduate school. I make no claims to particular originality here. And of course, literature can and does hold multiple meanings, etc. etc.; this is my take on Edward Fairfax “Self-Delusion” Rochester. The subfields of Jane Eyre criticism I’m most familiar with/informed by are “Jane Eyre + feminist theory” and “Jane Eyre + ‘early 19th-century debates within Anglicanism, pretty wild, right?’” This should surprise exactly no one who follows this blog.

Prolegomenon II: when I get caught up in my Rochester Feelings in conversation, there is inevitably a point where one of my English-major or -professor friends will shout me down and say “He kept a WIFE in the ATTIC” and I know. I know. It’s inexcusable and I’m not trying to excuse it, and everyone should read Jean Rhys. What I am really interested in doing, though, is exploring Rochester as three-dimensional character, not “man whose bad behavior gets hand-waved aside because reasons.”

First off: Rochester is a man of contradictions. He is a man who is generous to his retainers and his tenants. He is a man who shoulders even social responsibilities that are not strictly his, as we see in the education of Adèle (who might otherwise have died in an uncharitable charitable institution, or become a laundress, or become a courtesan.) True, we meet him as an extremely awkward and fumbling and sometimes resentful figure in loco parentis. But he is trying. I think this is perhaps the key thing about Rochester: what we see him doing for most of the novel, almost always badly, is trying to achieve better (more just, more humane, more equitable) results within a system (patriarchal, economic, colonial) that is rotten at its core. It is not everyone who has the moral fiber of a Jane Eyre, to say “this system is rotten at its core and it is better to starve on the moors or live forever unhappy than to be complicit in it.” The second thing we see Rochester doing, almost always badly, and this is where the contradiction comes in, is trying to avoid his own pain. I’ve intentionally said pain rather than guilt. I think that gets closer to the heart of the matter.

I’m going to get back to my essay in a minute, but an interjection of sorts, before I put the rest of it under a cut: I think it is vital to the novel that Rochester genuinely changes. Justification of this argument and More Emotions below.

For contemporary readers, the concept of repentance as a process may feel unfamiliar, trite, irreversibly sullied by hypocrites. But even if we take it out of Brontë’s extremely Anglican framework, I read Rochester’s profound, unconditional acceptance of his own sin (wrong, if you prefer) against Bertha and the losses which he sees as divine punishment for it as absolutely key to his having a chance at a future with Jane. The concept of divine retribution is surely stranger to us even than that of repentance, but having Thornfield, Rochester’s inheritance, sign and symbol and engine of his patriarchal wealth, built on colonial exploitation, literally go up in flames like the wicked cities of the Old Testament, is Not Exactly Subtle. And, of course, he loses his sight: “If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out.” His sight has been, in the most fundamental spiritual sense, diseased. He has been incapable of accurately seeing his own guilt (which is to say, seeing it in proportion to all other things, the other facts of Bertha’s madness, the duplicity of his family and that of the Masons, etc. etc.) So he loses his sight. And then he gains a much richer understanding of, well, everything. Gradually. Not all at once. I have Feelings about the psychological realism of those final chapters, but let me rewind, as it were. [N.B. I’m not arguing that Charlotte Brontë presents all this as a straightforward Divine Smiting. It matters that Bertha gets the freedom to bring all this crashing down (literally), and that she chooses her own end. But I do think that Rochester reads it as Smiting; I think we need to take that final assertion of his seriously. It’s entirely possible to read the Elm Tree Incident, and indeed that bizarre wedding morning, as Rochester waiting, waiting with pounding heart, for the bolt of lightning.]

I believe passionately in Rochester and Jane as a couple for a number of reasons (so many reasons, all the reasons), but perhaps chief among them is that they are both, bless them, raging romantics who have had very little outlet for their rich emotional life or for their unconventional, erudite, intelligent, exploratory spiritualities. OR (sorry, I forgot one) for their intellectual life, come to that! Rochester with his library full of science and his feelings about moths and Jane who becomes a teacher and genuinely loves nurturing young minds. *sobs* I love them so much. But Rochester is far too ready to manipulate others as he has been manipulated, and as others seek to manipulate him. His treatment of Blanche Ingram, for instance, I read as being several things, in shifting proportion 1) an effort to distract himself from Jane; he has few if any scruples about involving the unscrupulous and mercenary Miss Ingram in bigamy 2) an effort to distract the neighborhood and its gossip from Jane; why, after all, has he been at Thornfield so long without entertaining anyone?? very suspicious 3) an effort to find out what Jane’s feelings for him are. We see her ready to sting him into jealousy at the end too, a nice little bit of symmetry. Rochester is, yes, high-handed in the extreme. But I read the conversation under the elm tree not as a cynical test, but a genuine and painfully awkward attempt to figure out what Jane’s feelings for him really are. Yes, they’ve been having High Spiritual Communion and intellectual discussions and mutual teasing and borderline flirting for however many weeks it’s been. But also: he’s her employer. He’s at least 15 years older than she is (I forget the details on this. 15? 20? anyway, point stands.) He is not and never has been handsome, and he knows exactly how little his wealth counts for with Jane. He’s deeply weird and his house is weird and he comes with a French ward and a mysterious attic and a wife. But does she love him anyway? She does! *cries about it* 

Of course, none of this excuses the inexcusable. The proposal-to-wedding sequence shows us Rochester at his moral nadir, in relation to both Bertha and Jane. It also shows him on the knife edge of losing control over his integrity in other ways, now that he has violated this one. (Remember when Jane comes back to Thornfield and says “Reader, I had feared worse; I had feared he was mad”? Yeah, there’s a reason for that.) Anyway, allow me to present excerpts from Chapter 27, which lives in paraphrase in my head at all times:

[W]hile he spoke my very conscience and reason turned traitors against me, and charged me with crime in resisting him. They spoke almost as loud as Feeling: and that clamoured wildly. "Oh, comply!" it said. "Think of his misery; think of his danger—look at his state when left alone; remember his headlong nature; consider the recklessness following on despair—soothe him; save him; love him; tell him you love him and will be his. 

Whew! Anyway, she decides not to despite the fact that she and Rochester feel exactly the same way in this moment:

I am insane—quite insane: with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can count its throbs. Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by: there I plant my foot.

*sobs harder* I think it is vitally important to point out that Jane is not cold or even, in this moment, convinced by her own arguments. She and Rochester are, moments after this, in each other’s arms, the language of fire and flame used for them both, and Rochester releases her first because he wants her influenced by nothing but her own will; not their shared passion, and certainly not his own force.

...Where was I before I got caught up with the unbearable sexual and emotional tension? Oh yes, Rochester after Jane leaves. He embraces an extremely thorough program of self-punishment. The most obvious course of action for him -- the one that Jane, the person who knows him best in all the world, assumes he has taken -- is to run away from his pain again, to leave England. He does not do that. He does the opposite of that. He refuses to so much as leave Thornfield itself except to roam the grounds at night. I love this book so much.  Then, after the fire, which happens only 2 months after Jane leaves, he goes to Ferndean. Now! The only thing we have learned about Ferndean previously is that Rochester refused to have Bertha live there because its bad climate would have (or at least might have) killed her. We learn from Jane-as-narrator that literally no one will rent it, again, because of its “ineligible and insalubrious site.” Rochester has, with heartbreaking obviousness, given up on life. He has, by his own account, been “doing nothing, expecting nothing,” in “ceaseless sorrow... [and] delirium of desire.”

 ...Edward Fairfax Rochester has never heard of chill. Also, as we learn, though he is worried about his disabilities because he is worried that Jane will mind, and because they make him a less eligible potential husband in his own estimation (*sniffle*), what he has been chiefly preoccupied with for the last year is worrying about where Jane is and if she’s all right. Again: the man has never heard of chill. But his impulses are generous. He is the heir to a rotten and a poisoned inheritance, and he begins by blaming this inheritance -- his external circumstances, both his privilege and the choices that he is pushed into by his father and brother -- for his own injuries and the ways in which he has injured others. But I (obviously) vigorously cling to the belief that he genuinely turns away from this, that he confronts his own sins and repents and accepts that he will not, cannot, be reunited with Jane in this life. But then he is. *cries about it* Moreover, in a key reorientation from his earlier avoidance-and-denial coping strategy, he accepts Jane’s services “without painful shame or damping humiliation.” He un-hermits himself! He and Jane travel to see friends and family! They receive visitors! These romantic-hearted science nerds proceed to be shockingly normal... for their own given value of that. I’m also convinced that they have the kinkiest sex in nineteenth-century English literature, and I support them. And part of their happiness is the happiness of others; it’s the opposite of Rochester’s globe-trotting, radically individualistic conduct in the first part of the novel. Of course it’s more than he deserves; he knows that, and he needs to know it. But it’s narratively elegant, and (I think) deeply satisfying. And I love it. And, obviously, him... again, more than he deserves.

#jane eyre #edward fairfax rochester #was recently reminded of how hard i ship jane/rochester #is a tag that i have #asks and answers #emilydickinsonapologist

[mysteriouslytransparentwitch]

5 unexpected exercises to regain self-esteem (it's a translation)

Self-esteem ... a bit of a fuzzy psychological concept for most of us. Yet we are all aware that low self-esteem can have devastating consequences in our lives.

Something not to be taken lightly then ...

Especially since it can directly impact your eating habits.

Are there solutions to increase your self-esteem?

Fortunately, the answer is "Yes"!

In this article, discover 5 easy (and rather unexpected) exercises to regain self-esteem.

If you tend to devalue yourself, then trust me, these exercises are a must!

A word of advice ... stick with it until the end because I will offer you a recognized test to assess your level of self-esteem at the end of this article.

This will allow you to know where you are and also to re-evaluate yourself shortly after performing the exercises regularly.

Pin it What is self-esteem? According to Wikipedia, self-esteem is "a term for the judgment or assessment made of an individual in relation to their own worth. ”

In other words, self-esteem refers to "how we see ourselves, how we assess our worth".

When we talk about self-esteem, we are therefore talking about the look and value judgment that we have on ourselves (and which does not necessarily have to do with the skills that we may have. ).

When self-esteem is positive, it allows you to:

➖ Feel good about yourself,

➖ Face the difficulties and trials of life,

➖ Take control over your actions.

You feel capable of accomplishing your goals and getting through to your projects.

You are determined!

A bit like putting on a super heroine costume ...

You are ready to challenge all obstacles!

Whereas negative self-esteem makes it really very difficult to take action and accept your mistakes.

You feel helpless in the face of events in your life. Demotivation sets in ... You feel incapable, weak, basically completely zero ...

As you can see, self-esteem is inextricably linked with the assessment of one's own skills.

If she is weak and fragile, it will be difficult for you to feel competent. Failures in your life will reinforce the lack of self-esteem and increase your feeling of worthlessness ...

And if that weren't enough, if you have low self-esteem, unfortunately you will tend to attract so-called "toxic" people 😬.

You know those “vampires” thirsty for the affection and energy of others?

These people know very well how to spot and take advantage of your weakness, if you are psychologically fragile.

Do you lack self-esteem?

Don't be surprised when you find yourself in toxic and demeaning relationships.

It makes sense when you think about it, since deep down inside you think you don't deserve better ...

So self-esteem is related to others? Indeed, positioning yourself in relation to others is one of the fundamental factors that allows you to adjust your self-esteem.

We all naturally tend to self-assess by comparing ourselves to others.

Whether in the professional or academic field (skills), but also on our physical aspect, in the material field (wealth and social rank), in our emotional and family successes or failures ...

If comparing yourself to others really weighs in with your self-esteem, so does the way others look at you.

Feeling loved and appreciated weighs heavily.

Finally, studies show that skills and performance are not necessarily good indicators of high self-esteem.

For example, students who are popular with their peers often have much higher self-esteem than students who are good in class (even if their academic performance is poor).

Self-esteem is therefore more linked to relationship aspects.

Moreover, parental attitude and style of education play a crucial role in the development of a child's self-esteem.

Supportive and caring parents will help their children to have high self-esteem even compared to overbearing or neglectful parents.

So you know what to do if you want to help your children not suffer from low self-esteem!

Speak encouraging, respectful words, show them affection, care and gratitude when they succeed in certain tasks that they deem important.

The impact of low self-esteem on diet: If you suffer from low self-esteem, you must also be feeling bad about yourself… Logical!

This is unfortunately part of the packaging as we have seen previously.

The risk of falling into depression is also much greater.

If your self-esteem is low, you also risk developing anxiety disorders and addictive behaviors (excessive consumption of sugar, chocolate, screens, etc.)

Feeling bad about yourself, devaluing yourself, thinking that you do not deserve the love and appreciation of others is THE main factor that leads to developing eating disorders such as bulimia, anorexia, or overeating.

The negative impact on all daily life is therefore very significant.

Really, don't take this aspect of your life lightly.

If you think you lack self-esteem, I suggest you perform these 5 very simple little exercises inspired by Positive Psychology, daily.

Do not underestimate them, it could really improve many facets of your life!

How do you improve your self-esteem?

1 / Self-awareness exercise A great sage said:

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift that's why it's called the present" (the mothers here will probably recognize this very ... literary reference! and no one laughs at my references 😂)

Becoming aware of yourself is the first link that allows you to develop your self-esteem. This is why I suggest you start with this exercise.

➡️ Every morning, take time to relax.

Preferably, before checking your emails, Instagram notifications, Facebook etc ... which only pollute your brain unnecessarily.

➡️ Take a notebook or journal.

Take 3 minutes to close your eyes for a moment and reflect on what you are feeling like emotions, sensations and feelings at that moment.

Do you feel sad, happy, tired, energetic, motivated, anxious…?

➡️ Write this in your journal without going into judgment or analysis.

Just try to write down as much detail as possible about how you are feeling physically and psychologically at this moment.

2 / Exercise on self-acceptance: Another aspect that goes hand in hand with self-esteem: self-acceptance.

It is necessary that you learn to support yourself rather than blame yourself. Encourage yourself, value yourself.

To help you accept yourself, there's nothing like asking your loved ones about your qualities and what they like about you.

➡️ Write all of this in your notebook and reread it whenever you feel you are devaluing yourself.)

Also take the time to remember your successes, the highlights of your life.

What are you particularly proud of? What can you rejoice in?

The exercise that I am offering you here to better accept yourself but also and above all your destiny (the Decree of Allah) is therefore to write down every evening 10 things that have made you happy during the day.

10 things for which you are grateful to Allah عز و جال.

By asking these questions to your consciousness, even if you are in a "bad mood", your brain will be forced to search for the answers.

This will force you to focus on the positive rather than your worries and trials, which can often seem more important to you than they really are, if you have low self-esteem.

Remember, glorifying Allah عز و جال and praising Him in all circumstances are part of the believer's duty, which will bring her the satisfaction of her Lord but also inner peace.

3 / stop comparing yourself to others Do you want to please me?

Focus on your own goals and stop comparing yourself to others!

You did not start at the same time as the others, nor do you have the same background, the same tests, and even less the same qualities and skills ...

So I am going to offer you a rather funny exercise here, you will see ...

This must have already happened ...

You are busy but silent and then you find yourself talking to yourself (internally or out loud, it depends on the seriousness of your case 😂):

"Bint Fulana is more beautiful, more intelligent, and in addition she kept a flat stomach despite her pregnancies ... She raises her children better than me, and then you have to face reality, she is also more pious because she knows the Koran by heart and not I, she often goes to meetings, while I rarely manage to do so with all my obligations at home… " Does that remind you of someone?

This little voice does not wish you any good! Be aware of this.

She just wants to make you feel guilty.

And if you listen to it, you are going to put pressure on yourself.

You'll never feel up to it and it might end badly.

Because what's the point of comparing yourself to people who have paths and personalities totally different from yours? It doesn't make sense, don't you think?

So ... once you realize this, I suggest you name that part of yourself that is trying to make you feel guilty!

As if she was a whole person… and above all, find him a very ridiculous little name.

The next time you find yourself having this kind of "inner talk," don't hesitate to call him out:

“Here is Medusa (or Cruella) coming!” (no you won't have dissociative personality disorder!)

You will see. This exercise will gradually lessen the weight of that bad voice on your self-esteem by ridiculing it and minimizing its impact on you.

You will also be more able to become aware of these internal discourses which have no benefit for your "sanity".

Don't laugh it really works, trust me!

4 / Exercise to increase self-love: By increasing your love for yourself, it will boost your self-esteem. And for that, you really have to learn to take care of yourself.

Think about ... what actions can you take each day to experience happiness, pleasure or take care of yourself?

So take your nice little notebook or journal every morning.

And, after performing the 1st exercise, think about the moments, actions or situations that have given you well-being and satisfaction during the last 7 days?

How did you feel ?

➡️ Write down what these situations or activities are and try to reproduce them as often as possible.

It can be very simple things like having breakfast in peace when everyone is still asleep, relaxing with a good bath, visiting your sister, spending time with your husband, doing a painting activity with your child. .

You should see a marked improvement in your mental state over time.

5 / Exercise to enhance the self-image: "Self-image is an individual's representation of themselves, including the physical aspect as well as the psychological one."

As this aspect is purely cognitive, it is easy to "reprogram" your brain to further enhance your self-esteem.

In cognitive behavioral therapy, we talk about cognitive restructuring.

Your mental images and thoughts depend on the cognitive process of processing information, although you may not always be aware of it.

By focusing on your cognitive patterns and dysfunctional beliefs, you can try to change the processes that cause you to think badly about yourself.

So my exercise is to try to modify these bad automatic thoughts by finding alternative thoughts that will improve your emotions and your self-image.

I'm talking about the famous positive affirmations!

➡️ Every morning, take your little notebook and after doing exercises 1 and 4,

Write down one or two positive affirmations, which you will repeat aloud at least 10 times, then as often as possible throughout the day.

Remember, we are talking about positive statements, so there shouldn't be any negative words in your sentence.

For example, you can start your sentences with:

"I am …"

"I want …"

"I can …"

"I like …"

Here are some ideas:

"I accept myself as I am",

"I love me as Allah created me",

“I am able بإذن الله to carry out my projects”,

“I am different and unique and this difference is my strength”…

And so you don't forget to repeat your positive affirmations, some apps can allow you to schedule notifications of your favorite positive affirmations at different times of the day.

Warning. This exercise will only be effective if it is repeated regularly, until your brain has fully integrated and accepted these statements as “truth”.

Here are the girls, for the 5 exercises that will help you regain your self-esteem.

Do you want to know if these exercises are really effective?

Ok. I suggest you take this little test which will allow you to assess your level of self-esteem.

This is a recognized test. It was developed by Morris Rosenberg, a sociologist. This scale is the most used by psychologists nowadays to assess the level of self-esteem, so it can be considered reliable.

To perform the TEST, click on this link: [FREE ROSENBERG TEST]

#self-esteem #perso

[whoistheasshole]

My polyamorous partner keeps cheating. Am I holding her back?

Anonymous asks: my partner of almost 6 years is polyamorous and i am not, which has been a point of contention throughout our relationship. i have made it clear i only want to be in a relationship with one person at a given time, and she has told me this is fine. however, on more than one occasion i have found out that she has been secretly texting people on the internet, forming some kind of attachment with them and eventually sexted a few different people.

i will be the first to admit i am partially the asshole because i have primarily found out about this by snooping around on her phone and i know this is absolutely not okay. and every time this has happened i’ve been extremely upset and when we have talked about it she has told me that she feels really bad and didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, she won’t do it again and she just happens to have formed a romantic/sexual attachment to the person she is texting. i’ve asked her if she would like to break up so she can pursue these relationships but she has said that she would only ever want to be in a polyamorous relationship with me and another person, but i’ve made it very clear that won’t ever happen.

the most recent time has really hurt my feelings because i thought our relationship was in a really healthy spot, so i actually proposed to her last May and she accepted. i found out a few weeks ago that right before this she was secretly texting and possibly in a relationship with another woman online. she has claimed in the past she would have told me if i didn’t catch her, but she had over six months to tell me, and i not only had no clue but i literally proposed being married to her at the same time.

i feel like i have to ask, am i am asshole for not just breaking up with her so she can be in the kind of relationship she wants to be and snooping so much? or is she for not respecting my boundaries? i really feel like after this many times it’s just my fault and in the idiot for trying to tie her down. i love her a lot and would like to stay with her despite my feelings being hurt. i can be pretty sensitive so i blame myself for putting her in this position and feel like i’m being dramatic for being upset by this when it’s just on the internet. idk if any of this makes sense but your thoughts would be appreciated!”

Hi there and thank you for your question.

Let’s get one thing out of the way first: There is no such thing as non-consensual polyamory, your fiancé is cheating. She is the asshole.

It doesn’t matter who is polyamorous or monogamous in your relationship because your relationship is monogamous. That is the implicit, if not explicit, agreement your now-fiancé entered when she started this relationship with you. Her identity doesn’t change that.

Now is it, generally, ethically, right to snoop around somebody’s phone (barring some kind of emergency)? No. Is it the right way to deal with suspicions about your partner’s fidelity? Also no, given how many people are out there and jealous for reasons that say far more about them than about their partner. But do I think this is the pertinent point we should focus on in this situation? That’s another resounding no. Using unsavory methods to find out that your partner is cheating doesn’t change the fact that she is cheating.

It would be easy to look at all of these instances of infidelity as singular events, “challenges” in your relationship or maybe “communication issues” that you can overcome if both of you work hard together or some such nonsense. But then we’d be implying a) that this is a problem that both of you are contributing to and b) that there was a way to ensure that your fiancé will stay faithful once and for all. I want to suggest a different point of view: The price of admission for this relationship is that your partner cheats regularly. It might stay online, she might never meet these people (as far as you know), but she cheats and she also doesn’t fess up, unless you find out. And this is as good as it gets. So when you want to know about your future together, look to your past. The rosy vision where you have a big talk, she finally understands how much her actions hurt you and you can trust her going forward is unlikely to materialize. Your future must be extrapolated from your experience of 6 years together. You proposed to her and she lied to you for more than 6 months!

Sometimes the thing we need to grieve is not what was almost in our grasp, but that somebody is fundamentally incapable of giving us what we are looking for.

The last thing I want to touch on in my answer is your last paragraph. You ask if you are holding this whole adult human being back by not breaking up. You call yourself an idiot for being cheated on several times. You write you’re sensitive and dramatic. Please take a moment to read this comment.

Ready? Okay.

Does that quote resonate with you? Are you in an Origami shape right now, trying to tuck in your elbows so as not to bother anybody by sticking out of the box?

I am not asking this because I want to put you on the spot or even to insinuate that your fiancé is emotionally abusive. I wouldn’t know and she doesn’t have to be. But whatever has happened over the last years has lead you here, where you are taking on that much blame for what another person has put you through. A person, I might add, who is perfectly capable of breaking up with you, if she needs to not be in a monogamous relationship. Maybe, unlike in the above story, you don’t want to avoid anger, instead you’re trying to make the uncontrollable controllable, to be the most perfect partner who can make your fiancé stop sexting other people.

The truth is: That has always been in her hands.

Dear anon, please try to move your arms and toes and check if you’re bumping against any walls. If that’s the case, I would like to give you permission to stretch as far as you can and really ask yourself where you want to be and how you want to feel in 5 years. And then take it one day at a time to get there.

On a practical note: If you need space to suss out how you feel about all of this and what you want to do next, put all wedding plans on hold. Do not get pressured – by society, your fiancé, family or yourself – to ignore your concerns and to go ahead with this life-altering step while you are conflicted about your relationship. Any temporary pain, cost or embarrassment is much more bearable and way less complicated than waking up the day after your wedding and realizing that you’ve made a big mistake.

Take care.

#advice #relationships #polyamory #cheating #post #questions

[talks-refined]

Why azula, in my opinion, shouldn’t have had a redemption arc

i know it’s a complicated subject in this fandom but i wanted to give my two cents on it! i promise this isn’t me just going “booh evil”

okay so here’s the thing. the reason this is so complicated to answer is because it needs to ask pretty existential and complex questions like, can everyone be redeemed? how is evil made? how much of you is really only your upbringing? is it possible to be inherently bad? what do we fundamentally deserve? can you separate yourself completely from what you’ve been since birth and if so, what’s left?

now if you walked up to me and asked those questions, my answer would probably be something along the lines of “i don’t know, i just got here”. so that’s not what i’m gonna try to answer here

notice how i said “shouldn’t have had” and not “deserved”. i can’t tell you what azula “deserved”— probably a nicer childhood and therapy— but i can also say azula didn’t “deserve” anything. she’s a character, she’s words on paper, animation and voiced acting. there isn’t a real azula, an actual 14 years old child soldier out there awaiting to turn good. characters are story arcs, development, goals... what makes their value isn’t morals but what they bring to the story. and azula brings so much that, in my opinion, being ultimately redeemed would cheapen

first off: zuko. i’ve seen people say azula shouldn’t get a redemption arc because then her story would just be the same as zuko. it’s... not true, obviously, they’re different characters for a reason, but there is a part of truth i wanna point out here:

zuko and azula’s stories are diametrical opposites. two siblings, a boy and a girl, a firebending prodigy and one who’s average at the very best, one favored by his mother, the other favored by her father, one impulsive and one calculating. At the beginning of the story, one angry and unstable, the other calm and confident, one banished, desperate and without honor, and the other a princess and leader, acclaimed by all, who radiates regal energy.

“(ozai) said she was born lucky. he said i was lucky to be born. i don’t need luck, though. i don’t want it. i’ve always had to struggle and fight and that’s made me strong. that’s made me who i am.”

( zuko, to aang, season 1 finale )

that first sentence was the hook that told the viewers azula would come in the picture in season 2 and it tells you exactly the opposite dynamics their characters would develop on. azula is perfect, zuko is a failure is the message we’re supposed to get, at least that’s how they view each other and themselves, because that’s what their father taught them. but here’s the thing: luck is by definition elusive, and perfection is by definition unattainable. azula spends her life building herself around the vision that failure is inexcusable. because she’s at such a high place, because she’s so perfect, she can never fail, because she can’t and because she’s not allowed to. that mentality is bound to doom her, it’s inevitable. it’s a direct opposition to zuko, who builds himself in the fact that he’s failed so many times, that he made so many mistakes, that each taught him lessons. when zuko fails once, he knows he can get up because he was miserable for so long that it taught him he can survive anything. when azula fails once, she crumbles. azula is a cautionary tale of perfectionism, and cautionary tales can’t have happy endings. zuko’s approach of life has to reach a happy ending, because he’ll always look for one, it has to reach a redemption arc because he’s not scared of the mistakes he’s made in the past and he is always trying to better himself (the redemption comes when he realises he was trying to meet the wrong standards). azula’s approach of life guarantees a downfall because she’s convinced that failure is the end.

both their stories mirror each other, backwards. when we meet zuko, he’s failing, always, and when we leave him, he finally won. when we meet azula she’s winning, always, and when we leave her, she finally (by which i mean that it’s inevitable, not that it’s good) fails.

and there’s another reason (let’s pretend this is structured, okay?), that’s a little more complicated, and it has to do with ozai.

you know how ozai is barely present in the series? i’ve seen some people argue that azula is a better villain because she’s scarier or because we see her more. here’s the thing:

when you’re trying to portray something that’s really, really awful, it’s easier not show it. when you show something, in it’s entirety (in that context that would mean making ozai a deep, 3 dimensional character that we see develop) it’s... small. to define is to limit (- oscar wilde). when you only show small things tho, details, in movies it can be shadows, think the beginning of stranger things when you don’t see monsters, but can feel a threat, that’s when it can get scary as shit. because whatever limited, physical (or character-ial? is that a word) form you chose for the villain isn’t there in people’s minds, it’s only their own imagination trying to comprehend what you made them feel. and what people imagine based on only fear, or anger, is easily scarier than any five headed monster you can put onscreen.

that’s what ozai is: a looming threat. hell, i’m not even sure we see his face until season 3. he only has a handful of scenes. but i hate him. i hate him so much i could scream into a pillow and he’s so vicious it sends shivers down my spine. you know why? because of what he did to zuko and azula.

when you wanna keep your main villain mysterious, it’s good to give the audience characters that he’s interacted with. characters that he’s close to enough to have had an effect on them, so they can perceive a part of him. and boy did he have an effect on his children

( to be fair here: that idea and most of what i’m saying about it came from Overly Sarcastic Productions video on minions as a trope. it’s really good i love their whole channel, red is amazing)

season 1: meet zuko. he’s a sixteen years old. he’s a bad guy, but written so that you sympathise with him to a certain extent. then comes the Tragic Backstory Episode and you learn that he was challenged to a duel as a thirteen years old by his father after he spoke without permission in a meeting, begged for mercy, got half of his face burned off at the hands of his father, and was banished from his home to search for the avatar, who was dead as far as anyone knew.

now you’ve seen very little of ozai after this episode, but you’re ready to fight that guy, right? i know i am.

it gains a level of depth with azula. after being introduced to a character who is starving for his father’s love and approval, we’re introduced to a new character, who seemingly has all of that. azula is zuko’s ever winning rival. she has everything he wants, her honor, her title, her father’s favors.

(i think it’s worth noting that making your children compete for your love is already a red flag for noticing pieces of shit)

but it’s not enough. azula has everything, she is everything ozai values (cunning, strong, ruthless) and even then it’s not enough to please him. nothing will ever be good enough. and you see two children fighting, breaking themselves to please a father that is seemingly incapable of love, but keeps baiting them, giving them impossible standards to reach so they’ll always keep trying to please him.

okay, now you hate him, right?

but here’s the thing: because azula was a firebending prodigy, she got a taste of her father’s approval. he saw himself in her, where he saw too much of iroh and ursa in zuko. he was proud of her.

he was never proud of zuko. too soft, not strong, or fearless enough. because of that, zuko was never close to his dad. all he got was disdain. because of that, he forms bonds with other people (with his mother and uncle, at first) that expose him to another vision of life. and in exile, after chasing relentlessly, part of him is pushed to the realisation that he can live without his father’s approval. because he had to.

azula on the other hand, quickly becomes all ozai’s. from flashbacks you can clearly tell each of them gravitates around one parent, zuko around ursa and azula around ozai. even in her other relationships (zuko, tylee, mai...) she behaves according to what her father taught her, how to manipulate and hurt others

and ursa has flaws, god i’m not saying she doesn’t. that deserves a post in itself. but she values things like kindness, softness and love. ozai values strength, power and cunning. childhood is a formative stage: you often build yourself on the way you were raised. zuko had those conflicting values, because ursa, and ozai more indirectly, both taught him. but ozai isolated azula from other (adult) presences. this is more speculation but i really think it’s true, for what it’s worth. we rarely ever see ursa and azula interact, and when we do ursa is i think always? reprimanding azula for something that ozai taught her. it doesn’t seem like they spend enough time together for her to teach her daughter a better way.

that’s the thing. ozai’s “love”, or at least approval, was azula’s curse. zuko thinks it’s something he has to aim for, and later realizes it’s only ever going to be conditional and manipulative and stops trying. because he knew another way. but azula always lived with it. it isolated her, prevented her from ever finding a better way. his “love” is what did this to her

so yeah. none of this is saying that azula could never have been good. she was 14, she had a whole life ahead, i’m not some psychology master that can tell you exactly if it’s even possible to unlearn so much manipulation and abuse- i want to believe it is. but this is a story, and to me it’s the more nuanced, more interesting, better story they could’ve written. i think having those two very different and very paralleled stories, for a show that doesn’t shy away from complexity the way atla does, was very important.

while i was writing this, i showed it to a friend, who can speak for toxic households better than i can, and gave me a new perspective and the best conclusion: when in an abusive parental relationship, there’s always a tearing hesitation between ‘breaking free’ and doing what’s best for you, and staying loyal to your parent, someone you’re supposed to love and who’s supposed to love you. zuko is a message of hope ; azula is a warning

#azula #princess azula #atla #Avatar The Last Airbender #azula redemption arc #please be nice

[zuzuslastbraincell]

☕ Aang.

He's a character I don't see you talk about much, so I'm curious about you thoughts on him, his character arc, what you like or dislike about him, etc.

The short answer: Love Aang. He’s great! Feel like a lot of the dislike of his character (while fading, at least in the circles I’m in) is misplaced. People who think Aang didn’t make the right end game decisions don’t understand his character / miss the point, IMO. That said, dislike some of the character decisions especially r.e. Katara/Aang.

The longer answer: I really love Aang and I feel like the hate he receives from various parts of the fandom is very unwarranted, though I wonder if it stems from watching the show as a child his age and finding his playfulness unrelatable - like as a kid I might have found it exasperating but as an adult I find it very refreshing and it is so obvious to me that Aang is A Child, it informs how he behaves and his decisions massively, and I wonder if the dislike comes from the lack of perspective and being unable to view Aang as a kid, being kids themselves when these haters watched the show?

That said, all kinds of people do dismiss Aang as immature and it frustrates me to no end, because being cynical =/= maturity, a willingness to make difficult decisions that betray deeply held beliefs =/= maturity, and Aang’s decision to stick to his beliefs should always be viewed in tandem with the context that he is a victim of genocide, that genocide includes the destruction of a culture’s common beliefs and practices too, and whether those beliefs live or die in the future starts and ends with him.

Additionally, I feel like Aang does possess a lot of emotional maturity for his age, even if he has bouts of being immature (like, normal, honestly). Like he processes his anger in a way that is largely healthy, actually? I think that’s a thing most people don’t understand, they don’t see that as part of Aang, when really Aang processes his emotions like someone who’s had very clear healthy models for it. He does feel anger, and grief. When Aang tells Katara in the southern raiders episode vengeance isn’t the way, that’s something that he’s fought hard internally to believe in, that’s something that he’s learned.

Tying into that, I think an overlooked aspect of Aang’s development is how in season 1 Aang spent a lot of time looking for Fire Nation citizens who were good / who could be good, because the idea that the Fire Nation is fundamentally evil contradicts his world view (”the monks taught us all life was sacred”), but I think that was probably a perspective he clung onto as well as a way of dealing with his grief. Like, I feel like Aang has fought hard to reaffirm his beliefs in a world that seems determined to “prove him wrong”, surrounded with characters who largely don’t share or understand them & see it as naivety because they lack perspective and have only known war / understand the brutality of the opponent they’re facing on a personal level. I think we don’t see a lot of this explicitly, it’s largely subtext and often an internal debate -- Aang doesn’t have many people to soundboard these kind of thoughts off, there’s no one who is an air nomad or of a similar kind of upbringing around.

Tbh I feel that Aang is best in season 1, largely because his developments in later seasons also incorporate his feelings about Katara as part of his general development, and if I’m just completely honest with you all, I mean no disrespect to Katara/Aang folks you’re cool in my books but I’m just not sold by it at all. For example, because Aang’s journey mastering the avatar state involves him reckoning with his earthly attachments and the idea of letting go, and that conflict revolves around his feelings for Katara, and because I am not particularly sold by Aang and Katara, that impacts on how I view that whole arc. I love a good friends to lovers arc where the depth of those feelings extends to both friendship and romance but I feel like the way ATLA writes romantic arcs often involves a character suddenly looking at another with heart eyes and very little actual bonding to justify that sudden change, very few *journeys* or *arcs* that culminate in feelings (unrelated, but this is my theory as to why Zuko is shipped with almost everyone, because he literally has several life-changing journeys with other characters at the tail end of S3), and it’s fairly unconvincing / pretty flat to me? Especially since we do not get anywhere near as much an insight into Katara’s feelings in that regard? I get that romance isn’t always a grand arc or whatever but given that it’s tied to a lot of Aang’s S2 development, I think it ought to have more prominence.

If I’m honest, I also feel like Aang’s development regarding Katara and the Avatar State was incomplete, and that made a lot of his S3 development frustrating because in other aspects I think he came into his own and matured - usually in subtle ways, like his attitude in the Southern Raiders, but also we see him from being understandably upset about having to hide his identity, to incorporate aspects of Fire Nation dress into his final late S3 look - but in that aspect, his arc felt incomplete to me? This might be a poor reading of it, but to expand on how I see it, in S2, Aang is incapable of letting go of Katara until literally the most critical moment, when he has to -- at which point, he is struck down by chance. In S3, the concept of entering into the Avatar State being a matter of difficulty is literally not mentioned, so we can presume he’s come to terms with letting go of Katara - which directly contradicts the pushy behaviour he shows in Ember Island Players, the way he ignores her boundaries? And then that’s literally never addressed, Aang never apologises, Katara and Aang never have an important conversation resolving the conflict there, and in the end Aang gets the girl? It’s frustrating.

Like, the way I see it, “letting go” of Katara shouldn’t mean putting no importance on her - I actually like the idea of Aang not being willing to leave his friends behind, his compassion and care is important in this aspect. Rather, if I were in the writer’s chair, I would have it that “letting go” means a willingness to face rejection. Aang lets go of a romantic prospect of Katara - and acknowledges she can and might reject him, and that’s always a possibility, but opens his heart to her anyway out of trust (and when they get together, it’s not because he’s proven himself worthy, but because Katara wants to be with him). I think that would have been such a monumentally *powerful* message, especially in a late 00s cartoon, prior to the likes of Adventure Time and Gravity Falls quite explicitly deconstructing the idea of the male protagonist always getting with their crush (I feel like a vital context new viewers miss r.e. Katara/Aang is that the male protagonist would always always get with the girl in cartoons, it always happened, to the extent that female characters existed as much as love interests as characters in their own rights). I honestly don’t think it would even require that much in terms of change! I might show that in S3 Aang still has difficulty with the Avatar state at times - he can go into it at will, but not always - and that’s because he’s in the process of letting Katara as a crush go. I’d still keep the kiss in Day of Black Sun - tbh, I have no issues there, he thought he’d never see her again quite possibly, he’s impulsive, it makes sense - but I’d maybe highlight a slight awkwardness afterwards. I might even keep the awful Ember Island Players conflict - but crucially, I think Aang would have to learn from this. I think when Aang might realise he’s still struggling with the Avatar state as late as Sozin’s Comet episode 1, panic, realise he needs to internalise that belief more, and I think he’d leave Katara a note - including an apology for his actions before, for pushing her when she wasn’t ready, but explaining also, that he needs to go on a journey by himself to figure this out. Rest of Sozin’s comet goes ahead as normal, more or less. I’d end with Katara, maybe at the tea shop afterwards, talking to Aang and asking him why he went off by himself, explaining that she & the gaang would be there for him, he didn’t have to go on a journey alone. Aang would explain that he didn’t expect they’d understand, they’re not monks, and Katara explaining that maybe they wouldn’t, but he could *try*, that’s a risk you sometimes take (but concedes they could have been more understanding). And I think over that conversation it hits Aang it’s not about being alone. Everything’s connected. It’s about not clinging on. it’s about being willing to lose. It’s about trust. I think by the end, they agree to try and communicate better, and Aang then asks Katara out - mirroring “Do you want to go penguin sledding with me?”, similar kind of activity. He almost tries to over-explain and say ‘listen it doesn’t have to go anywhere’ but Katara just smiles and says yeah. And they leave to go on their first real date.

Anyway that’s how I *would* have handled it and that is what I think could be an interesting and compelling arc that wouldn’t take much adjustment to add. Aang is afraid of losing Katara, and realising that he can and might lose her is important.

.... that’s way more than I intended to write but yeah. I feel like a lot of Aang’s development ties in with his feelings for Katara and that’s where I take issue.

#aang #soozenwrites