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eddiesghxst · 5 months

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❆ Let It Snow - a christmas smutty special ❆

happy holidays lovelys!!! ilysm and i hope you all have a beautiful rest of your year, here is a cute n quick little Christmas smutty blurb as my gift to u <3

also, this is not proofread i apologize for any mistakes <3

18+ — MINORS DNI

pairing: roomate!eddie munson x reader

summary: your flight home gets canceled on christmas eve and Eddie just wants to cheer you up

contains: friends to lovers trope, reader loves christmas (she's so me), oral (f receiving), p in v (unprotected - be smart pls), creampie, lots of Christmas cheer, and eddie being the cutest most kindest boy there ever was <3

word count: 3.6k

-masterlist-

Christmas is ruined.

It’s Christmas Eve, and you’ve been rotting away in your room all day— it’s now almost six in the afternoon— and Christmas is ruined.

In the corner of your room, your bags lay in a pile, packed and ready to go for the flight home you were supposed to be on just less than an hour ago. Your mother was devastated when you called her to break the news that you wouldn’t be home in time for Christmas, and although she tried her hardest to mask it over the phone, acting was never really her niche.

You’d already cried once this morning, a pathetic sob that inevitably escaped the second you opened your blinds and saw the blinding-white thick blanket of snow covering Hawkins. It’s not common, heavy winter snows in Indiana, so when the news mentioned that there would be a chance of snow, you didn’t think much of it.

Wrong choice.

You should’ve changed your ticket immediately and got on the next plane to Oregon, where your family would be with warm laughter and endless amounts of food, not to mention the traditional tree lighting you’d miss out on. But now, you’re stuck in Hawkins, chest hollow and cold from the undeniable fact that you will miss Christmas with your family this year.

Suddenly, you hear a raspy curse from the other side of your wall, followed by haste movements and the rustling of sheets and clothes. Eddie’s finally up from his nap. You can’t wait to tell him how stupid you’d been to book a flight so late on Christmas Eve.

Before you can even think of getting up and going to Eddie’s room, the man bursts through your door with a frazzled look as his gaze darts around the room, “Why didn’t you wake me? You’re gonna be late for your flight!” He panics. It’s sweet, really. The way your roommate paces over to your bags and looks at you with a ‘Why aren’t these in the car yet?’ look. It almost makes you hopeful that somehow, now that Eddie’s bright and sunny self is awake, he can find a way to get you home just in time for Christmas.

Obviously, it's not happening, considering Eddie isn’t a god, but one can dream.

You groan, tossing over in your bed to burrow your face deep into your sheets as you mumble into the soft cotton, “I’m not going anymore.” You grumble.

You can hear Eddie’s frown when he responds, “What? What do you mean you’re not going?”

You huff, heart aching as you reply, “Have you looked outside by any chance?”

You don’t turn to watch, but you can hear the shuffling sound of Eddie walking over to your window, shucking the blinds open, and peering out into the parking lot of your apartment that’s covered in that godawful snow. Eddie lets out a sound, something between surprise and sympathy, and it only makes the frown on your face deepen.

“Well… shit,” Eddie says.

You turn over and sit up, huffing as you shove your sheets out of your way, “Yeah. Have fun trying to figure out a way to get me across the country with that type of weather.” You grunt, kicking your legs over the side of your bed to stand and shuffle over to the packed suitcases. You figure you may as well unpack since you’re not going anywhere anytime soon.

“So when are the airports gonna clear, did they say?” Eddie asks.

You huff as you unfold jeans and tops, mind reeling with scenarios of what you should’ve done to prevent this. “Not until tomorrow afternoon. Christmas will be done by then, and most of my family will be back in their respective homes, so… looks like you’re stuck with me, Munson.”

Which, sure Eddie practically threw a fit when you told him you’d be out of town for the holidays, but you still feel as if you’re intruding. Eddie was supposed to have Wayne come over tomorrow, but you’re going to be here probably sulking, and it’ll be awkward and pitiful, and it’s just not at all what you’d wanted your or Eddie’s Christmas to be like!

“...Okay, well,” Before you can fully register what’s happening, Eddie is closing your suitcase and grabbing your hands, dragging you up to your feet and ignoring your confusion as he speaks, “You can’t spend Christmas like this, sweetheart. You’ll end up like the Grinch. Do you wanna be the Grinch? Don’t tell me you wanna be the Grinch.” Eddie rambles as he drags you out of your room.

You try to fight a smile at Eddie’s rapid fire of words, but you fail as you shake your head, “No, I don’t want to be the Grinch, asshole.” You grumble as he drops your hand.

Eddie drops your hand and claps loudly, a bright grin spreading over his lips when he turns to you, “Wonderful! Then we have to get in the Christmas spirit.”

Eddie leaves you confused in the small hallway of your shared apartment, watching as he chaoticly prances over to the kitchen. He slows down and turns back to you once he sees you’re not following him, a confused expression painting over his face. “Well? Are you gonna leave me to bake alone, or are you gonna join?”

And well, you’ve never seen Eddie even pick up a baking pan, so it’s safe to say this will be interesting.

Eddie is absolutely terrible with ingredients.

You and Eddie both decided to bake cookies, but instead of regular chocolate chips, Eddie pitched in the idea of using red and green M&Ms for the holiday effect, which you thought was pretty clever. The only problem is Eddie can’t measure for shit.

The recipe calls for two tablespoons of cornstarch, Eddie two and a half— damn near three. The next step says to mix in a third of a cup of cooking oil, but Eddie puts in much too little. It’s odd, considering his past with drug dealing, but you don’t mention it and instead opt to discreetly correct his mistakes whenever he turns his back to grab something else.

You both end up covered in flour because the pesky powder honestly just doesn't under the concept of gravity, and you laugh when you see some coating Eddie’s eyelashes. “What’s so funny, chef?” He asks.

You smile, “Nothing, you’ve just got… you got some on your eyes.” You reach up with a gentle hand, the sleeves of your sweater long enough to pull over your thumb so you can carefully dust off the white powder.

Eddie’s eyes are so bright and attentive this close, watching your every move with a type of sincerity you’ve only ever seen on screens from Grammy-nominated films and such. It makes your chest warm, and your knees quiver as his lips split into a smile, “Thank you, princess.” He softly says. You nod, and you swear Eddie’s eyes fucking twinkle.

You clear your throat, blinking away and stepping back to clear whatever trance from your mind, “Well,” You heavily sigh, “The cookies are in the oven for the next hour, so… I think I’m gonna go read.”

“Actually,” Eddie pipes up, softly reaching out and letting his fingers brush against yours, “I was thinking we could watch a Christmas movie. Unless if you’re sick of me, I totally get it; I’ll call you when the cookies are ready.”

Which couldn’t be further from the truth. You didn’t want to read. Hell, you don’t even have a new book to read; you’ve gone through your entire reading list.

“Oh! Well, what movie did you have in mind?”

“Home Alone. Obviously.”

You roll your eyes, “You’re a Christmas amateur, Eddie, did you know that?”

Eddie waves a dismissive hand as you begin to smile, reaching out to spin you around and shove you toward your room, “Just go get in some comfy clothes.”

You snort as you follow his instructions, shuffling over to your room to change out of your flour-coated clothing. It takes you some time to dig through your suitcase, but you eventually find the cute pajama set you bought for the holidays and slip it on, eager to return to the living room and join Eddie.

When you step into the living room, you don’t expect to see furniture pushed out of the way and Eddie standing in the middle as he pushes his queen-sized mattress down to lie right in the middle of the room—your heart races when you realize what Eddie’s done.

“Eddie, what are you doing?” You softly ask.

Eddie looks up at you, heavily breathing as he places his hands on his hips, “It’s Christmas Eve!” He beams. You tilt your head with a scolding expression, “I remember you saying you did this with your family, so I figured we gotta keep the tradition going.” He shrugs.

And god, Eddie’s so lovely. Too nice for his own good, really. Your entire body warms at the gesture, watching as he bustles around the apartment, grabbing blankets and pillows to make a comfy nest-like bed.

Seeing Eddie prepare the room wasn’t confusing because you kind of figured that’s what he was doing when you initially saw it, but you became concerned when you saw him drag a tall fake plant across the room.

Eddie steps back and gazes at the fake plant, face twisted in concentration, “Where should it go? The corner, right?” He turns to you. Your brows scrunch in confusion, “Uh… you’re losing me.”

Eddie blinks at you as if you’ve just asked him if the sky is blue, “The Christmas tree, doll. Where should it go?”

You raise an eyebrow, “That’s not a Christmas tree, Eddie, that’s a fake Cat Palm.” Eddie makes a face as if you’ve insulted him, “Says who?”

“Says anyone with general knowledge of the world.” “Why can’t this tree be a Christmas tree? As far as I know, they both have the same qualities that allow them to classify as a tree.” And you’re not going to argue with Eddie on that because he’s being sweet, and you’re interested to see what wacky plan he’s concocted in that brain of his.

So, for the next hour or so, you and Eddie sit on his comfy bed in the living room and use copy paper to cut out shitty snowflakes to put on the ‘Christmas tree’ as you watch Home Alone.

It’s undeniably the most fun you’ve had in a while, and you and Eddie turn your craft into a competition to see who can make the best snowflake, but you keep snipping the wrong spots to create an absolute disgrace of a snowflake. Eddie thinks they’re ‘fucking insane. In a good way!’ though, so you can’t complain.

“These are fucking awful.”

Home Alone 2 is playing, the Christmas tree is fully decorated, and you and Eddie have settled in his bed with a plate full of cookies. It’s a cozy little setup you’ve got, and your cheeks are warm from laughter, and you’ve never felt this content with anyone besides family. And to make matters even better, the cookies taste like absolute shit.

You look at Eddie, gazing at his horrified expression momentarily before bursting into a snort. Eddie looks at you, terror written across his face as you fold in laughter.

“These are seriously the worst cookies I’ve ever tasted.” He reiterates.

You manage to calm your laughter down just enough to respond, “They’re not that bad.”

You and Eddie share a look before you burst into laughter again, “Yeah, they’re pretty bad.” You admit. Eddie joins you in laughter, shaking his head as he offers you the plate of cookies so you can put your half-bitten cookie away. “Remind me to never enter a bake-off,” Eddie grumbles as he reaches over to set the cookies on the coffee table pushed off to the side.

You and Eddie settle into his cozy bed then, content on holiday cheer and the comforting presence of one another. You’re pressed close to each other so you can share the bowl of popcorn you’d made, and you try to ignore how the close proximity makes your insides squeal. You glance at Eddie as you roll an unpopped kernel between your fingers.

“Thank you.”

Eddie turns to you, eyebrows raised in alert. You gesture to the atmosphere of your apartment, “For this, I mean. You didn’t have to do any of this.”

Eddie makes a face and waves you off, “It’s nothing, princess. Couldn’t have you sad on your favorite holiday of the year.”

Your cheeks warm as you gaze at Eddie, chest feeling so much appreciation for his efforts today. Eddie didn’t have to do any of this. He could’ve just said sorry for your shit luck and called it a day, but he took it upon himself to make your ruined holiday into, arguably, one of the best Christmas you’ve had in a while.

“I mean, come on, you heard how badly I was begging you to stay home anyway. Some might even say I got Mother Nature to ring in a favor.” He jokes as he gently nudges his shoulder against yours. You roll your eyes, briefly returning to the movie as you respond, “You’re dramatic, Eddie. I was gonna be gone for two days.” You point out.

“Two days too long!” He stresses, “What was I supposed to do while you were gone?”

You snort, tossing popcorn in your mouth before speaking, “You were gonna be with Wayne anyway; you’d hardly even think about me.” You wave.

Eddie makes a displeased noise, poking at the popcorn in the bowl, “That’s not true.” He softly responds. You glance at Eddie, heart racing when he locks eyes with you. “Wayne isn’t half as pretty as you, so.” He jokes, a small smile spreading across his lips.

You shyly smile, “You think I’m pretty?” You tease.

Eddie smiles with his eyes, “I think you’re gorgeous, actually.”

And god, you think you imagine it when Eddie’s gaze falls to your lips, but then he’s reaching out to gently drag his thumb across your bottom lip. You lean into him on instinct, body aching for his touch, lips crying out to feel his lips on yours, and thankfully, Eddie doesn’t make you wait long before leaning forward.

Eddie’s lips are soft and perfect for kissing. Plump and addicting to the touch as he moves in tandem with you, hands gently caressing your face as you press into each other. You can’t contain the whine bubbling in your throat, and you almost feel embarrassed, but Eddie responds with a moan, hands moving south to softly grab your waist and pull you closer.

You almost can’t believe this is happening— you making out with your roommate on Christmas Eve— but you figure it was about time that you two shattered the thick wall of tension and desire that’d been building between you both. Stolen glances and lingering touches in the kitchen, too-close dancing at parties, and almost kisses during goodbyes have all led to this very moment as Eddie shifts to lay you back into the mountain of pillows.

You shakily breathe against Eddie’s lips when his fingers dust across your stomach, softly pressing into your warm skin to pull a squeal from your lips. You can feel the spread of his smile against the corner of our mouth, and you squirm as he peppers a few kisses there, “Gonna let me taste you, princess?” He asks, fingers caressing the skin just above the waistband of your festive shorts. You swallow heavily and nod, eyes dancing with his when he leans back just enough to see your face. “Words?”

“Yeah. Yes, please.”

Your voice hardly even sounds like your own. Needy and higher pitched and almost humiliating, but Eddie’s smattering kisses down your chin and neck, hands riding your shirt up your stomach so he can kiss the warm skin there. You softly exhale, reaching up to sink your fingers through his hair and gently tug. He groans against you, softly nipping the fat of your hip as his fingers curl over the band of your shorts. He drags the pants down your legs, sitting up to take them off and toss them to the side. He parts your thighs, a smug grin spreading across his lips as he gazes down at you, your socked feet digging into the sheets as he runs his ringed hands up your legs. “Stop staring.” You grumble.

Eddie chuckles, leaning forward to kiss your stomach and then the band of your panties, “Candy canes, huh?” He peers up at you as he plays with the tiny bow on your pelvis. Your face warms, center throbbing as you squirm beneath him. “Hey,” You frown, “It was a matching set and I thought they were cute.” You explain, nudging him with your foot. Which is true, the set came with a bra, panties, and socks, and it was on sale, so of course you bought it.

Eddie laughs as he settles on his stomach, “Oh, you’re fuckin’ precious,” He beams to himself. Your chest warms, and he leans forward to kiss just over your covered clit, “I love them, sweetheart.” Another kiss pressed to your hip this time. “I love them a lot, actually.” A kiss to the other hip, and you squirm. His lashes flutter when he peers up at you, fingers squeezing your hips as he speaks, “Unfortunately… they’re kind of in the way.”

You playfully roll your eyes, losing the fight to your smile as you respond, “Just take them off, Eddie.”

Eddie’s eyes light up, hands moving quicker than you’ve ever seen to get rid of the candy cane printed barrier, happily settling back on his stomach and curling his hands around your thighs to pull you closer. He doesn’t give you any warning when he dives in, licking a thick and wet line from your entrance to your clit. He circles the tip of his tongue over your clit, grinning when you moan and twitch from the sensation. He hums as he suckles your clit into his mouth, licking and sucking as if his life depends on it, fingers squeezing at your thighs and hips. You’re drowning in pleasure, but you think you can hear the muffled sound of Eddie mumbling, ‘Fuck, you taste so good’ against you, and it makes your head spin.

You’re a goner when he sinks two fingers into you, expertly curling up against that toe-curling spot to have you crying out his name and arching up into him. He hums against you, nodding his head in encouragement as you cum on his tongue.

You’re blinking through a pleasure-filled haze when Eddie kisses up your body, sticky lips smearing wet pecks across your stomach as he pushes your shirt further up.

You help each other undress the rest of the way, your limbs shaky and clumsy from your orgasm, and Eddie chuckles but kisses you when you glare at him. Your hand wraps around his cock, but Eddie shakes his head, grasping your wrist as he pushes you back into his bed, “I can’t wait. Next time, yeah? Need you now.”

You wouldn’t dream of saying no.

The stretch of Eddie is so much yet so good. It burns, and it takes your breath away, but it sends chills up your back with the heavenly sensation as he presses into you, balls pressing against your ass as he leans over you and moans against your lips. “F–fuck. Jesus, you feel so fucking good.”

You mewl, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pressing your body into him. “Please, Eddie. Please fuck me, please.”

“Yeah,” He gently coos as he pulls out. He pushes back in, watching as your eyes flutter shut and your lips part in ecstasy, and he hums, “There we go. Taking me so well, baby. Gonna give it all to you— h-holy shit.”

He builds his pace slowly but surely, and you’re so embarrassingly close by the time he’s steadily pumping into you, the loud sound of your sex echoing between your bodies in tandem with your moans.

You moan, nails digging into Eddie’s shoulders as you breathe him in, digging your face into his neck and finding solace in the curtain of his curly strands as he holds you close. Eddie groans when you throb around his aching cock, and he nods, “Give it to me. Cum on my cock, baby. Let me feel it.” He gently encourages you, a warm hand pressing into your back as he kisses your neck. You don’t know if you could get any closer, your chests pressed together, skin sticky with sweat as you grind against one another.

You tip over the edge quicker than you’d want to because you want this to last forever, but Eddie coos and holds you through it all, and you feel like you’re floating through clouds of stardust with Eddie kissing you and thrusting into you.

You’re out of it when Eddie cums. So far gone and high on pleasure that all you can do is moan and nuzzle into his neck to kiss and lick and bite as he empties himself into your pulsing cunt.

You’re both breathing heavily, Eddie collapsing against you but holding himself up just enough so he doesn’t crush you. You’re both silent as you catch your breath, softly running your fingers through Eddie’s hair as the ending credits to Home Alone 2 roll. Against the skin of your neck, you feel Eddie’s lips spread into a sleepy smile, and you can’t help but smile as well as you speak, “What?” You softly ask.

Eddie breathes, shifting so he can nuzzle his face further into your neck, breathing in the scent of you and sex.

“Nothing, just… I’m so fucking glad it snowed.”

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boldlyvoid · 8 months

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Sleeping Arrangements

Aaron Hotchner x fem reader

summary: the hardest part about being pregnant is trying to find a way to be comfortable and as always, Aaron knows how to help

warnings: nausea, crying, pregnancy, mentions of hotch's scars,

word count: 1k

Doctors recommend that while pregnant a person should lie on their left side to promote blood flow for the baby. An added bonus is how it helps with nausea, which she definitely needed help with, in the early months. The only downside to this is that on her side of the bed, sleeping facing the left side means Aaron is behind her.

He snuggles into her back, spooning her, while they fall asleep. Hand on her stomach, he guards it with his life, and a few kisses to her shoulder blades. However, once he falls asleep (and he’s done this as long as she’s known him) he flips onto his back, legs spread and left arm above his head, oftentimes resting over his eyes.

When they started sharing a bed, she loved it because she could snuggle into his side, toss her leg over his to intertwine them and hold him around his middle. She loved to put her head on his chest, forehead against his jaw and hold him tight all night long. Hearing his heartbeat, feeling his breathing and how warm he is long after the blankets have pooled around his waist. And he smells so good. Be it from his leftover cologne and deodorant, his body wash from his nightly showers or… just his body odour after working up a sweat before bed.

He usually sleeps with a shirt on, hiding the scars he got long before he met her from the innocent eyes of his son. Jack hardly ever wandered into their room at night, older and more mature now, he’s not a little boy with nightmares who needs a cuddle anymore. But he still wears his shirt to bed when Jack is home.

Tonight he’s at a friend's house which resulted in them both falling asleep completely naked after the night's activities. Only now Aaron is lying on his back, and she’s facing the left side all alone and fighting back tears. She misses her cuddles with her man. The makeshift husband she’s made out of pillows can only comfort her so much and she hates the idea that she still has 3 months of this torture.

The tears start to fall the more uncomfortable she gets. Pregnant and emotional, tired and nauseous, it’s so easy for her to break down. So she sobs, crying hard enough for the bed to tremble, it wakes Aaron up.

“Hey, hey what’s going on?” He’s quick to turn to her. He rubs the sleep from his face and hovers over her, “Baby, what’s wrong?”

She can’t seem to get a breath in, sobbing she slams her hand against her pillows and tosses it off the bed.

He starts to shush her, making her roll onto her back, he’s leaning on his one forearm and wipes her hair off her face with the other. “Breathe baby, I’m right here. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

He traces his finger from her temple to her jaw, “in and out. There you go, breathe.”

She lets out a wobbling breath, “You’re not.”

“I’m gonna need more words than that sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“You’re all the way over there,” she cries. “I can’t cuddle into you anymore. I miss being tucked into your chest and feeling you breathe all night and the way you smell and how you twitch and the cute noises you make when you’re deep, deep in sleep. I miss how you’d unconsciously rub your jaw against my forehead and sometimes your stubble would scratch me. And-and—“

He shushes her again, leans in and steals a kiss and then pulls away completely. He gets up from the bed and she sits up in a panic, “where are you—“

“Scoot over,” he instructs, walking around the bed to her side. He tosses her other makeshift husband's pillows to the floor and crawls into her side of the bed. “Here,” he says, pulling the sheets back up and laying in his usual position just backwards. Right arm raised, legs spread, he waits for her to settle in against him.

“You don’t mind switching?” She asks, unable to process that it’s so easy for him.

“For 8 years before I met you I was sleeping completely alone in the middle of the mattress, I only sleep on my side now because that first night I slept over, you already had your side picked out,” he shares. “I don’t care where I sleep as long as it’s with you.”

She’s quick to snuggle into him, her leg tossed over his and arm around his middle. Her belly sits perfectly above his hip in the curve of his waist. She rests her head on his chest and he kisses her forehead before rubbing his jaw against her. Her other arm goes under the pillow so it doesn’t fall asleep while she’s in this position and she lets out the deepest, most content sigh he’s ever heard leave her body.

“Better?” He asks, placing his free hand over her arm, he caresses her skin with his thumb.

She nods, “perfect. All I need now is for the baby to go back to sleep.”

“What?”

“Do you not feel her?” She asks, pressing her stomach against him more now, he feels the light poking against his side as their daughter kicks away. “All my crying woke her up.”

“Oh, wow,” he breathes out. Astounded by the miracle of life, “What’s that like from inside?”

“Strange but comforting,” she explains, overtired and fading quickly. She presses her face against him more when she sleeps, all her weight landing on him as she drifts off. “I love you,” she adds for good measure before she’s out cold.

“Love you, sweetheart,” he whispers. He kisses her head one last time and closes his eyes too.

Taking it all in, he’s missed this feeling too. He loved the way they slept together. They fit like puzzle pieces, meant to always be together. His heartbeat and hers were so in tune with each other after years of sleeping Iike this, he didn’t realize how terrible he’d been sleeping until she was back on him and everything felt right in the world again.

General Taglist

@ncsls0515 @stevesmunsons @reidsbookclub @sweetyyhippyy @manuosorioh @mrs-dr-reid @k-k0129 @squishyturtle @katsukis1wife @buckleyhans @mrs-ssa-hotch

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch x you #hotch smut #hotch x reader #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine

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entername322 · 3 months

Text

Someone like you

Chaewon (ex Izone, Le Sserafim) x Male Reader

Length: 17666 words

TW: Abusive relationship

Next part

Pain, that's all you can say about yourself. Why does falling in love always have a risk of heartbreak? Sometimes you wonder if the risk outweighs the gains. For your particular case, it doesn't, it never has. “...... and then I came home to see him decorated the whole place with flowers and candles. Isn't he so romantic?” Right, flowers and candles, you know where that was going. “Yeah, that sounds great Chae”, It felt like your heart was being plucked out of your heart and set on fire. Why is your love stronger than your heart, if only your love breaks before your heart does. “He's so romantic sometimes, I love him so much-, Awwww”, Her cries of pain distract you from the twisting feeling your chest feels.

“I'm sorry Chae”, You steady your hands and continue stitching her wounds. “It's fine, thanks for this Pup, I owe you a lot”, You cringed a little hearing her nickname for you. “Chae we're both grown up now can you please stop calling me that?” It's a cute nickname, which only hurts you more realising that this is as far as you can get from being with her. “No, you will always be the cute little puppy”, Yes you are, who's a good puppy? The guy who keeps simping for his crush even after she's been in a relationship for a year now. It's you by the way, you're the good puppy, so loyal to your master. “There, all done, now just the bandages”, A good puppy who has graduated from medical school, hey that means you can take care of your master even better now. “Is it really okay for you to do this for free?” What dog would ask their owner for money? Alright let's lay off the dog jokes, you're still lame by the way.

“It's fine, they're cheap”, Even if they aren't, you wouldn't charge her anything right? “Thank you, I really mean it. I don't know how I can even repay you pup”, Chae grabbed your arm, her warm palm felt like a red hot iron that scorched your skin. “Yeah, it's fine. It's my job to care for people's lives after all”, You tried your best to smile at her, to show her you're doing this out of the goodwill of your heart. “You're just so, kind and stupid sometimes. If only he can be more like you”, She muttered the last part but it was loud enough for you to hear it. It fucking hurts, so fucking painful hearing something so ignorantly brutal. “So, how's work? Everything is fine in the hospital?” If Chaewon noticed your pained smile then she doesn't show it. “Nothing interesting is happening so far, although there's an offer for a transfer. I haven't read much about it but it will be a year long ‘voluntary work’. It's not fully voluntary though because we're gonna get paid decently, and we're gonna be working with a few other volunteers from all over the country”, Chaewon tilted her head curiously, “Are you gonna take it?” You were surprised to hear her words. It caught you off guard so you didn't get to hear a little hint of anxiousness in her words.

“I don't know, it's interesting”, Maybe that's what you need, a time away from your crush. “Oh, I'm sure you'll do great in it”, Chaewon smiles encouragingly, which only hurts you even more. Honestly, what were you expecting? Did you think she would ask you to stay here? Tell you how much she needs her and doesn't want you to leave? Come on bro, she's not like that. “Yeah, I was thinking about taking it”, You didn't really mean that when you say that, however seeing her genuine encouraging smile made you really consider it for real. “Well, I need to go home, thanks again for today pup, I owe you a lot”, Chaewon stood up with a smile on her face ready to leave. “Yeah see you later Chae”, You just sit there watching her leave your place while a storm is brewing in your mind.

“Fuck”, You muttered to yourself, completely unaware that Chaewon is also cursing herself once she left your house. “Goddamnit pup why do you have to leave. You idiot”, The stinging pain in her arm is gone, covered with the sour mood she felt in her heart. “It's been years already and you're still waiting for me”, Oh, she does notice your feelings it seems. Of course she does, the two of you have known each other for years now. The memory of your meeting plays very differently between you and Chaewon's mind. For her she remembers how clumsy and cute you were, stumbling over your own words, overdosing on teenage hormones because of talking to a girl. For you it was an embarrassing attempt at making a friend on your first day of highschool, something that would keep you up at night with cringe.

“Idiot”, She kicked a can on the road out of frustration, but it's not enough so she started stomping on it with the hope of burying down the guilt that's building inside her. It's not that she wanted to use you, but…… she's just busy, or so she thinks. Her boyfriend, uhhhhh his name is irrelevant, is a hassle to deal with. She loves him, he's kind and caring and honest and cute and kind….. it's just sometimes he loses his tempers. Sometimes he would, lash out and accidentally hurt her, but he never meant to do so. It's getting better now (It's not) his outburst is getting less frequent (Pretty sure the ideal and normal frequency is 0) and he always tries to make it up to her (With empty promises and lies).

Chaewon stops stomping on the poor can and just stares at the sky, finally realising it won't help erase the guilt she's having. On her defence she wanted to help you get over your crush for her. She cares about you, and she wants what's best for you. She wanted to introduce you to her friends, let you fall in love with someone who will love you back. Sometimes she thinks about a future where you date someone else, then you and her can be platonic friends, a brother from a different mother. It's just that, when her boyfriend got mad, and she got hurt, she can't run to the hospital because they would pester her about it. She can't run to most of her friends or family because they would also pester her, you're the only one who can help her. You were, the only one who would enable her. Young people, they're so dumb sometimes, both you and her included.

“Haaaaa, why can't we just be friends”, Chaewon sighed, she's not blaming you for your feelings, it would be hypocritical for her to judge someone's feelings when she's being chained by her own feelings. When you told her about the project she wanted to say don't take it, she wants you to stay here, to help her. Thankfully she recognises how selfish she is, and encourages you to leave, to get over your own feelings. It hurts, it feels wrong, seeing you break away from your feelings. Perhaps she yearns to have the courage to break free of her own chains. “I'm back”, Chaewon put on a smile as she got back to her place, “Welcome back babe, how was your day”, Of course for now she can only put on a smile and let herself fall deeper into the abyss.

“Are you sure? You know it won't be an easy trip right?” It's been a week since that talk with Chaewon, and today you are finalising your proposal of joining the volunteer work to your boss. “I'm sure sir, beside…… I need some time away from this place”, Is running away considered a solid reason for joining a harsh voluntary work? “Hmmm, well, if your only reason for taking this job is just a getaway from whatever shit you're dealing here, I suggest don't”, You flinched hearing your boss. “I think I can handle the job boss”, You tried to sound tough, “You know, I always pity you”, That's kinda harsh. “You are a good guy, smart and very nice. You're just too nice I sometimes hope you didn't get scammed and used by other people”, Yeah that sounds kinda familiar alright.

“I want to try something new. I think I can handle the work, and it might help me too”, If you say that with a little more conviction it would sound cool you know. “Haaaaa, youngsters with their self-finding journeys”, He shook his head and signed the form, “Comeback here, in one piece”, A smile form on your face before you quickly nod and bow to him. It's odd, you don't exactly feel excited about it, but you don't feel scared or disappointed about leaving everything behind, you're just numb to it. “Stop daydreaming and prepare the other documents you need”, Your boss slammed his hand on the desk waking you up. “Ahhh right, thank you boss”, He shook his head and sighed seeing your awkwardness, “I really hope you didn't get shot out there”, He's joking right?

After submitting the rest of the paperwork you went back home, had a nice call with your mom where she absolutely desecrated you with her words. “Are you insane? You're doing volunteer work in an active warzone?” Holy shit you are? “I'm not working in the warzone itself, I'm just a civilian mom. I'll be at the refugee camp, away from the battlefield”, That's the word you keep repeating to her for hours before she finally calms down. “Just, tell me it's not because of that Chaewon girl”, 2 hours and 16 minutes into the call your mom finally asked the right question. “No, of course not mom”, You can't lie to your mom, she's the one who teaches you how to lie to your dad. “Are you an idiot? Did I spend months carrying you around and 20 years plus feeding and taking care of you just to have you die somewhere because of a heartbreak?” Oooffff, why can't you be more like your mom?

“No mom, it's I think I-”, A knock on your apartment door can be heard, “Hey pup, are you there?” Speak of the devil. “Mom I'll call you later”, Your voice came off shaky and anxious, the time has come to test your resolve of running away. “Yeah, just a second”, Take a deep breath, calm your nerves and try not to lose your composure.

“What happened?” Come on now, you know what happened, “It's not a big deal, just a scratch”, You reached out and grabbed her face, inspecting her cheek. Chaewon smiles seeing your concerned face, you've always been awkward and shy around her, except when she's injured. When she got a scar you would just disregard your shyness just to make sure she's fine, it's a cute gesture she always likes about you. “I guess, it really is just a scratch”, You sighed relief seeing it wasn't a deep cut, then you realised how you are holding her and immediately let go as your face turns into a tomato. What happened to maintaining your composure?

“So?” Chaewon just tilted her head cutely, “Are you gonna invite me in?” That's a pretty ambiguous question, would you let her in again? “Right come on in”, You're hopeless sometimes. Chaewon sat down at your living room, silently noticing the packed up bag you had in your room. Her heartbeat rises as she realises what it means, some part of her wants to deny it but the other part knows that your leave was inevitable. “Tea?” She smiles and nods as you go and prepare her some of her favourite tea, of course you have her favourite tea at your house. “So, what happened?” You asked after giving her a warm cup of tea, “You know, the usual. He had a stressful day at work, I was also kinda tired from mine and we just clashed”, Usually the ‘clash’ that happens is between her and his fist.

“Well, you know what I want to say right?” Chae shrugged before she stood up and walk towards your cat, “Little Luna is getting fat aren't you?” Chaewon picked her up and started pinching her stomach. “She's gonna cut your face you know that right?” Chaewon laughed and sat back next to you while still holding Luna. “Well, I'm sure you trained her not do that right?” Her smile is such a deadly weapon to your conviction. “It's a cat Chae, you don't train them, they'll train you”, And to hammer this point Luna let out a loud meow and scratched Chaewon's hand. “Luna '', You scolded the fat cat as she jumped off Chaewon's lap, “Hehehe, one day I'll make her enjoy my cuddles”, Chae laughed as you examined her arm.

“We should clean this up”, It's really not that bad, it's just a little cut on the epidermis, “It's really not that deep bro”, You flicked her head and cleaned up her hand as she teases you for over your perfectly reasonable hygiene. “So, can I crash the night here?” Her question made you stop in your tracks, not because it caught you off guard, but because you know she only asked if things really went bad at her place. “Pup?” Chae was taken off guard seeing how quiet you've become, “Chae, I…… can't do this anymore”, She raises her eyebrow hearing you. “Do what?” You sighed and finished cleaning up her hand before sitting in front of her.

“I can't, keep letting you hurt yourself because of-”, You start talking without thinking and Chae immediately bites back, “Stop it, I don't want to hear that from you”, She felt awful for raising her voice but she really doesn't want to hear those things. “Well this might be the last time you ever hear it from me ever again”, You blurted out, making her heart stop for a moment, “What?” Her voice sounds squeaky and vulnerable. “Chae, I'm leaving”, Seeing her suddenly had glassy eyes made you second guess yourself. “For how long?” It's hard for her to accept it, “The volunteer work is one year long, but it might be longer since I'm gonna arrive early to have some field training”, You can't look her in the face, it's painful for you to see her so hurt with the notion of you leaving.

The two of you sit in silence for a while, Luna moves to your lap and starts purring as if she realised you're having a tough time right now. “Is it-”, Chae’s voice broke and she took a second to calm herself down, “Is it final already?” Yet it still came out all squeaky. You didn't answer for a second, hearing her concern for your leave felt nice. It's a dangerous bait, she's giving a false hope that getting her is actually plausible if you stay here. “Yes”, "Oh you actually didn't take the bait, good job, “I already submitted the required paperwork and they already approved it. My flight is in 3 days”, In your mind, you just think Chaewon is trying to use you.

After all this time you finally opened your eyes and saw that she's out of reach, she was never going to like you the way you like her. Obviously you don't really see the complex feelings she has for you but hey at least you're taking a step in the right direction. “How long were you planning to keep this away from me?” Seeing her being aggressive made you feel bitter, you hate seeing her with this new lens. “I didn't know how to tell you, besides…… I didn't think you would care”, Suddenly Chae grabbed your face forcing you to look at her.

“You're my best friend, of course I care. Just because I encourage you to go doesn't mean you should just leave without saying anything”, It's painful, finally realising that the person you care the most is inherently toxic. You're not saying that she's in a toxic relationship because she's also toxic, but she has certainly dragged you into one because she is selfish. Chaewon needs you, because you're the only one who would enable her Stockholm syndrome. “It's just…… I don't know if I can face you”, You pull back your head away from her grip and look back at Luna who's acting cute to cheer you up. “What was that supposed to mean? You can't tell your best friend for, 8 or 9 years that you're leaving? And you just want me to accept that suddenly you went missing without saying anything?”

“Chae….. you know I liked you right”, Silence fills the room, you anxiously wait for her responses, hoping that somehow she can break the new image you had for her. Yet the silence was long and the curiosity you had is too loud to ignore, so you raise your head and look her in the eyes. She wasn't surprised, or confused, or angry, she just had the look of understanding, “I know”, Those words flowed out of her mouth. It was so quiet that it was barely a whisper, yet it echoed through you like a thunderclap. When the ringing subsided the only thing you can hear is the loud crash of your heart breaking into a million pieces. She knew, this whole time she knew about it and never said anything. Had she enjoyed watching you squirm and dance for her while your feelings laid bare like an open wound? Was it some cruel game to her?

Chaewon felt regretful, seeing your heart break right in front of her is tormenting her conscience. It's inevitable, yet she was not prepared for how painful it was for her as well. “I know, and I'm sorry I never said anything-”, Chaewon saw you stand up and stop talking. “I….. god, this whole time?” Tears start to flow down your cheek, “I never meant to use you, I just, don't know what to say to you”, Chae reaches for your hand, her touch sending shivers down your spine, but not the comforting kind like it used to. It feels calculated, manipulative, a stark contrast to the warmth you once associated with it.

Chae sees the disdain you had in your eyes and it made her scared. Scared of losing you, scared of seeing you lose your temper, and worst of all, scared of having to confront the consequences of her actions. “Pup-”, You pull back your hand making her flinch, “Don't call me that. You….. you like seeing me like that didn't you? Being a good puppy, chasing you around, wagging my tail like a loyal dog”, Your words came out as a thunderous roar that made her squirm in her seat. “No, of course not, please I'm sorry, can we talk this out first”, Chaewon reached out to grab your hand again before pulling you to sit back down. “I….. I can't, you're just…….. I….. this whole time…..”, You just keep muttering to yourself. “Please sit down, I'm sorry I messed up okay? Can you please hear me out first?” Chae pleaded as tears also started to pour down her face. Those tears, they're real, but not to you, you think you know better and managed to see through her ‘manipulation tactics’. You grabbed your phone on the table and just stormed off the apartment, running as far away as you can from her.

Chae wanted to stop you, to reach out and grab you, yet her vision is blurred and she can't even see you leave the front door as the floodgates burst open. She can't even hear you slam the front door as she starts to cry her heart out. Her actions can only lead to one outcome, and she knows the longer she stalls the confrontation the worse the fallout is going to be. Unfortunately in her delusion she hopes that one day you'll just let go of your feelings and everything will be good. Your apartment, once a safe haven for her, is now empty and devoid of your warmth. The ‘beautiful friendship’ built upon the unspoken words between the two of you has crumbled like a house of cards by a single gust of wind. Hours passed away before her tears finally dried out. Chaewon lay down on the couch devoid of energy, all she can do right now it's just text you hoping that you'll answer her.

You on the other hand are being absolutely ripped apart by your mom, “You ran all the way here?” Her voice boomed around the house. “Haaaaa, Haaaa, haaaaa, nooo……” Your whole body is drenched by sweat, your mom's place is like a 30 minute train ride and you just ran there like a mad man. “You idiotic rascal, tell me what you did”, Your mom starts slapping you as you are dying from exhaustion. It took a while for her to calm down and give you a drink. Throughout your recollection of what happens your mom keeps the same expression, it was the ‘I told you so’ expression. Once you finished the two of you just sat there in silence, you wanted to say something but words just couldn't come out of your mouth. “Haaaaaa, go take a shower and get some rest darling, you're all sweaty and smelly”, You nod before going back to your childhood bedroom.

As you finish a long hot shower you see Chaewon has messaged you almost a hundred times already alongside a few missed calls. You just stare at the notification, too scared to open it. In the end your fatigue overtake you and you slowly drift off to sleep without reading her texts. The next day you silently join your mom at breakfast, she sees that you're not ready to talk yet so she just silently acknowledges it before giving you farewell as she went to work. The day passes by slowly, it doesn't help that you were just laying down on the bed as you rethink what happened last night. Is Chaewon really a toxic bitch, or was she just a product of her environment. Are you seriously trying to give her a pass for what she did? Okay yeah she's your friend for years now and you've seen her slowly turn from this confident and unapologetic girl into a meek abuse victim. However does that excuse her behaviour of leading you on for years?

No, I need to give her the benefit of the doubt. I need to hear what she has to say at least. One chance, after all I'll be gone soon and I might not be able to see her again for a long time.

Alright, if that's what you want, just know you might lose yourself in her eyes again. “Mom, I need your opinion on something”, That's not exactly a polite way to greet your mom when she gets home. However she nods and follows you to the living room where you recounted your dramatic talk with Chaewon. “Darling, look at me”, Your mom grabbed your hand, “You are being an idiot a hundred percent”, Jeez thanks mom. “But if she is as manipulative as you said she was then it's also not fully your fault. After all, you can't really blame a victim fully for being taken advantage of”, Hey that's not an encouragement for your stupid idea. “Yeah, you're right mom….. I guess a toxic environment would make toxic people right?” Fucking hell you're hopeless. “What? Are you letting this slide already?” Thank fuck your mom wouldn't let such stupidity pass, “No, I just…. I guess I want to understand why she did it. After all I'm gonna be away for a year at least and if I don't get this straight then I might spend the better part of my time being distracted by her”, That's not a convincing argument, at least not for your mom.

“ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? You just said she's a manipulative bitch and now you want to run back to her with the risk of you falling for her trap again?” It felt kinda nice, channelling the pain you're having in your heart with your mom's beating, however you should stop her before she accidentally kills you. “Mom, I just want to leave this place with some peace in mind, okay? Can you just trust me this one time?” The answer is no, but she took a deep breath before she examined you slowly. “I'll trust you just this once, how do you plan to meet her again?” Relief and determination washes over you seeing that your mom has agreed to let you have closure. “I'll text her tonight hopefully we can have lunch before I leave in two days”, Solid plans, surely nothing bad would happen. “Fine, now go order something for dinner, I'm starving”

You: Hey, sorry about yesterday

Chae: Where are you? Why did you ghost me for the whole day? Do you have any idea how worried I was?

You: No sorry Chae I'm at my mom's house already. Sorry for running off like that yesterday

Chae: It's fine, are you coming back?

You: Not today, I need some sleep to clear my mind.

Chae: Then, can we talk tomorrow?

You: I hope so. Can we meet up at lunch?

Chae: That would be nice, I'm sorry too.

You: Yeah, guess we were too hot headed last night

Chae: Yeah, I'll see you back here at your place tomorrow then?

You: You're still there?

Chae: Duhhhh, you left with your keys dangling on your phone, what am I supposed to do? Leave the door unlocked so someone can break in?

You: Oh yeah, I forgot. I'll come by at lunch then, I'll see you tomorrow.

Chaewon has been spending the day with her mind full of anxiety. She's scared that you might do, something drastic. The fact that you didn't answer or even read her text made her think of the worst possibility. However when you finally reply she lets out a sigh of relief knowing that you're fine. Tomorrow, she has to apologise to you, she has to make sure you leave on a high note. If things go wrong and you leave before she can mend this friendship then the two of you would never recover from it. She can't let that happen, after all you're also an important part of her life. Even though it wasn't in the way that you wanted it to be.

You see, the thing about life, it has a humorous side. To whom might the humour cater to? Nobody knows really, but it certainly wasn't aimed at you and Chaewon. “Chae come home now”, Those words are the things Chae feared the most. After every fight her boyfriend has two possible routes he will default too. One, surprise her with gifts and romantic gestures to make sure she remembers how nice he can be. Second, he can double down and try to ‘reason’ with her by making her accept that his outburst is just part of who he is. Unfortunately, today he decided to take the second option, which means if Chaewon didn't comply there's gonna be a second fight. “Can I see you after lunch, I'm-” Her hand is shaking anxiously when she says, “NO, come home now”, And when he interrupts her she almost drops her phone. “Babe please, I have an appointment at lunch”, She pleaded, “Babe…… come home”, He used his cold voice which is the final warning, and Chaewon can only curse her own luck, “Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can”

Chaewon quickly scrambled throughout your apartment, “Fuck me, why the fuck can't anything to right for once”, She glance over the flight ticket you had and memorise the schedule before quickly wrote a note on pen and paper. “Fuck, pup please, for the love of god please understand, I promise I can make it up to you”, She pray, to whomever would listen and grant her wishes. As she writes some tears start to fall down her eyes and stain the paper. It was supposed to be a short note saying how her boyfriend suddenly called and she hopes you can reschedule lunch. However, due to her frustration she ended up writing a long essay saying how much she's sorry and even writing out about the things she wanted to tell you in person. During this she was interrupted with a text message from her boyfriend asking her where she is. Chaewon haphazardly finishes the note before bolting out of the apartment, leaving the door unlocked.

A few hours later you anxiously knock on your apartment door, waiting for her to open the door. Every second felt like an eternity and as time passes your stomach starts to twist making you feel like you want to puke. “Chaewon?” You tried to unlock your door to find it was unlocked, walking inside you call up to Chaewon but the only response you get is Luna purring on the couch. It was clear, she wasn't here, “Fuck”, For the first time in forever you actually yell out your frustration. On the coffee table you find a stack of paper, glancing over it you easily recognise her handwriting.

This is it? This is how we're parting ways Chae? With a stack of notes?

Take a deep breath, calm your nerves and sit down on the couch, try to read the note with an open mind.

Hey pup, sorry but babe wants to meet me. You know how it is, I don't want to make him mad. I really, really, really, like I mean really feel bad for leaving you this note but I sincerely hope you understand. I know I don't deserve to ask for another chance but I hope we can reschedule our lunch tomorrow. If you don't want to, I get it. It'll hurt but I get it. The thing is pup, I never want to hurt you, I really don't. You're kind, strong and smart, I always admire how mature you are and how you can get your shit together. It's hard for me to say this, but I'm sorry that I never felt any romantic attraction towards you.

I don't want to make this cliche but it's not you, it's just me. I know you're cringing right now but just know that sometimes people just aren't made for each other. I love you, as my friend. Sometimes I dream of a different life for us. One where you and I can stay as friends, one where you're my shy, innocent and diligent little brother and I can be your caring and teasing older sister. I know it's hard for you to read this but just know even though you and I are not meant to be, you still have a special place in my heart. And I'm sorry, I never say anything about this.

I was scared, I was confused and I was distracted. Fuck it sounds so bad but I really wanted to help you get over those feelings pup. It's selfish I know, but I want to fix my relationship with my boyfriend before I start making things up for you. You know I have a lot of friends, I know you've been eyeing Kazuha some times, and I know she is interested in you. Fuck, I really wish things would go a different way. I wish we could be best friends forever, you and I, confiding in each other. I hope it doesn't sound too harsh but you and I are special, it's just, not in the way you hope it would be.

When you said about this volunteer work I might encourage you, but deep down I was scared. I know one day you'll finally snap and confront me about this weird dynamic between us. When you say about an opportunity to leave and get out of your shell I was scared that you'll leave me and come back as a different person. I was scared, because in this fucked up and chaotic world you were the one who made me feel safe. Someone that would understand my struggle and help me through it. However on the other hand I wanted you to break off your shell. This whole time you've been living for me, for the hope that I'll be yours. I wanted you to find your own path and find yourself, get away from me so that you'll find a way to let go of your feelings.

Now, writing this whole thing I realised, I can't keep being selfish. I hurt you enough, dragging you down to a toxic relationship unintentionally. So, if you're looking for a farewell, I'll give it. Go out there pup, save people's life, realise that you're much more than what you've given yourself credit for. I hope you'll break free of the collar I've put on you this whole time. You're an amazing person, and I hope you can live up to your potential. Maybe one day, once you come back you'll find a reason to forgive me. For the pain I cause you, for all those medical supplies you've spent for me, for ditching our last meeting with these notes. I know I don't deserve to ask anything from you, but this time, I ask you to be happy. I ask you to let me go, and just, find someone who can love you as much as you love me.

Fuck I've been rambling for too long already. Pup, if you do feel like meeting me before you fly away just text me. If you don't, I'll understand. I won't let you go without saying goodbye to your face though. I remember your flight schedule, so if you don't want to meet me again I'll go there and just, wave you goodbye. Stay strong pup, I hope we can meet again.

Chaewon's tears that have stained the paper are almost gone, replaced by your own tears that almost render the paper unreadable. Is this the closure you wanted? Was there some sliver of hope you still hold on to thinking Chae might actually have some form of romantic feelings towards you? It's bittersweet, although the sweetness is nowhere to be found, you know one day you can see this note with fondness. Maybe this note will be the catalyst of your change. But for now, you just had to swallow this bitter pill and move on. Well, cry your heart out first, let the catharsis calm you down after. “Fuck Chae, I don't know if you'll still be here after I come back though”, Yeah that's a fair point. “Don't die, please don't die while I'm away”

The whole day, and the day after, you just felt this new energy flowing through you. There's still some pain and bitterness there but you understand, it's the first step towards the right direction. Your mom also seems to be pleased with the outcome of this. “Okay, maybe she's not as bad as I expect her to be darling. She's pitiful, that's the best way I can describe her”, Just like how you are attached to Chaewon, your mom also had some attachments toward her. After all, Chaewon was the person who has been keeping you safe from bullies and was one of the only genuine friends that is still in contact with you after all these years. “Mom, can I ask you a favour?” Your mom nodded confidently, she knew what you wanted to ask. “I know darling, I'll take care of Luna while you're away. And I'll make sure that your dear friend will still be in a recognisable state when you come back”, The lady part needs some better wording but that will do.

“Thanks mom, and if she contacts you, can you just give her these?” You hand her a little gift box, “Darling, this isn't a therapy appointment, she won't need this”, Hopefully you can find your mom's sassiness within you in this year long journey. “Just, give it to her okay mom? I'll be off”, She nods and kissed your forehead, “Don't die out there sweetie, I love you”, She smiled at you, a mother's encouraging smile is an over powered buff, “I love you too mom”

Let's move back to Chaewon, she knows it's your departure day and she read your text saying that you won't mind seeing her wave you goodbye at the airport. However, like usual she is being held back by someone. “Chae I need you to stop lying to me okay?” The calm tone her boyfriend is talking in is unnerving. It was like an ice pick that's being stabbed to Chaewon's fresh open wounds. “I'm not lying babe, he really is just a friend”, Chaewon cried, she doesn't want to cry because- “Liar”, He would scream at her, *CRACK* a loud smack echoes throughout the room as he slapped her with all his might. “I wasn't, babe please believe me. He's leaving for a year. I promise I just want to say goodbye to him”, Chaewon cried out as she lay on the ground while her body was screaming with pain. “I know you spent the night with him, Chae, don't lie to me. I let you off this whole time because I know that pussy won't be brave enough to make a move on you. But you, I know you fucking sluttyness knows no bounds. You were giving him a farewell gift, weren't you? You let him have sex with you after years and years of simping for you. Now you want to go there and make him rethink about leaving so you can keep him. I know a fucking bitch like you would keep a side man, a second option”

After a while he just left her in his house. Chae lays down on the floor, face messed up with tears and bruises, her body is exhausted from the mental and physical torture she's been subjected too in the last two days. She lay down there for god knows how long before she finally regained her consciousness. Looking at the time it's already an hour past your departure. Her tears are already dried up so she can't even let out her frustration anymore. “I'm sorry pup, I really do”, Not long she heard a knock on the door, “Hello, anyone in there?” It was a familiar voice but she can't remember who it is. Chaewon tried to stand up but her body could barely move. She wanted to say something but no words came out of her mouth. “Hello, I'm looking for Kim Chaewon, is she here?” Chae realises that whoever's behind that door is trouble, but her voice, Chae could swear she knows her from somewhere.

Chaewon tried to stand up but she failed and just fell down and caused some of the empty beer bottles on the table to fall alongside her and shatter on the floor. “Hello? Is everything alright?” It wasn't, some of the glass shard hit Chae which made her let out a barely audible painful whine. “I'm coming in”, Then a loud slam can be heard from the door before it opens. From the floor Chaewon is laying on she can finally see the person that's looking for her, it was your mom. “Jesus, what happened”, Your mom immediately ran up to Chae, her mind racing with concern, and hatred for Chae's boyfriend. “Ma'am, what are you doing here?” Chae flinched when she felt the older woman's hand examining her wounds. “I'll tell you later, did your boyfriend do this to you?” Chae flinched hearing that question, it's not the first time she heard her ask that. “Fine, don't answer if you don't want to. Let's get you to the hospital”, In one swoop she grabbed Chaewon and just carried her away. Usually she'll refuse this type of help, but now you're no longer there to help you, and she's too weak to refuse so she just let herself get taken away.

Your mom lay Chaewon in the backseat of her car before she took her radio and contacted the nearest hospital. “Dispatch, this is Unit 23 responding. Requesting immediate medical assistance. One injured victim, multiple bruises, possible head injury and a few lacerations due to glass shard on her arm”, Chaewon struggled to stay awake and ultimately went unconscious again before she even reached the hospital. “Hang in there kid, my son gonna kill me if he come home to find you dead”

A few hours earlier you were waiting at the airport, hoping for Chaewon to show up and wave you goodbye. However as the time for departure was nearing Chaewon was nowhere to be seen. You text her and she didn't read it and when you finally boarded you ended up calling your mom to check on Chaewon. As you were busy worrying for her, a girl suddenly sat down next to you, “Hello, are you also here for the volunteer work?” Oh shit, Chaewon who? “Oh yes, I'm from Serenity Medical Institute, nice to meet you”, Hey maybe moving on won't be that hard after all. “Nice to meet you too, I'm Minju from the Oasis Regional Hospital”, Minju gave you a weird look when you heard where you came from.

“Serenity Medical Institute huh, I didn't know they sent anyone for this”, Seating next to a beautiful girl like her made you feel nervous yet somehow she looks more nervous than you. “I am the only one who's going”, You smile a little embarrassed. “Really? That's surprising”, Minju smiled, “Well how many people went from your hospital?” She thinks for a second, “Probably 12?” Is your hospital just very stingy? “That's a lot, I didn't expect so many people would actually be interested in doing these kinds of stuff”, Would sending 12 medical personnel cause some problem in the hospital? Wouldn't it get crippled due to the lack of personnel? “Yeah well, it's not like we're short on people, also doing this will give our hospital some subsidies that would help a lot”, Minju looked at your confused face and got confused herself.

“You get subsidies? I don't think I read that part in the application form”, Do you even read the form though? “Well yeah the form is made asking for international aid. The subsidy is our government's way to encourage the nation’s medical personnel to help”, Did they just send you for the government money? “Although I don't think Serenity would care about that type of stuff”, She was sending some jabs to you but you didn't catch it. “Really? Why do you say that?” Minju furrowed her eyebrows trying to see if you're messing with her, “Well, because it's the rich people hospital”, Your genuine confusion took Minju off guard. “Really? I never knew”, Minju stares at you for a second, “How did you get a job there?” This is a good time to point out how clueless you are at everything.

“Well, after I finished college the owner, well I think he's the owner, came to me to offer me an internship. He said he knew my father and owe him once”, Pretty sure you never met that guy again, also your mom tore you a new hole after you accepted the offer thinking it must be a scam. “See, there's almost no way for people to get in without nepotism. The place has such a service fee that most of its clients are millionaires”, Minju saw you even more confused which frustrated her. “I thought the hospital was the best hospital in the country. I mean, wouldn't that be the reason for the high price?” She clicked her tongue hearing your response.

“Yes, but also because the benefactors and clients are some of the richest people in the country. Most of the people working there have been working there for generations already. It's almost impossible for someone to start working there fresh off college. Any new recruits needs to have at least 10 years of experience in any other prestigious hospital before they have a chance for an examination by them”, You are very clueless about most things. “Huh, I never knew about that”, Minju pinched herself to see if she's hallucinating, there is no way someone is this dumb right? “What's your parents job?” Could it be, you're just a savant in the medical field that attracts their eyes? “Well, my father was a firefighter, and my mom is a cop”, That doesn't sound like a rich person's job.

“Huh, then….. Did your father save someone's life and that person happened to be a very important person?” You shrugged, seemingly not caring about that, “Maybe, I mean he died when I was a kid and mom said he saved a lot of life so maybe he saved someone important and the guy gave me a job out of gratitude?” Minju was baffled with how little shit you're giving about this. “That's…… I'm sorry about your father but do you know how lucky you are? There's people who would die to have a job at your hospital”, This rubs you the wrong way. “Why? What's the difference between your hospital and mine? I mean you and I still both save lives regardless where we work so it wouldn't matter right?” Minju was taken off guard again, you sounded so genuine with your words that she felt embarrassed for forgetting the main job of a doctor.

“You're right, sorry I didn't mean to come out as a materialistic person”, You felt guilty seeing how embarrassed she is, “Oh no don't be, I'm sorry I didn't know most of those things so thank you for telling me this”, Minju smiled at you. “You're just an innocent puppy aren't you?” Eeeehhhh, are you an actual dog? How come two beautiful and completely different girls can see you the same way like that? “I guess”, She laughed seeing you reluctantly accept her nickname. “So, since we'll be working a lot closer from now on I think this would be a perfect time to get to know each other right?” This whole thing feels nostalgic, it's a deja vu for the first time you met Chaewon.

No, I can't keep living in the past. Come on, I'm on this trip to break free of my shell. Be more confident, talk to her. Fuck what if I fall for her and it end up the same way as I did with Chae? Fuck I'm not gonna find anyone if I keep being scared.

“Of course, why don't you start first?” Minju did start first, and she also took the majority of the speaking time because you're too shy to speak up. In the middle of it you got a text from your mom informing you of Chaewon's condition. “You're okay?” Minju said after seeing you turn catatonic for a while, “Oh, yeah just, something came up”, Your voice sounds shaky and you turn around to watch out the window. Minju stays silent after realising that you're not in a talking mood, although she is curious about the situation. Moreover she's curious about you, she finds you to be pretty cute and attractive, and your innocence has some charm to it.

After a while your mom texted back informing you that Chae is stable for now and sent you her medical report. You read through it extensively, the more you read it the more you regret going on this trip. Without you there Chae would probably run back to her boyfriend after being discharged from the hospital. Well, even if you're there you won't be able to stop her from going back to him. It's like you are Sisyphus and she is your boulder, no matter how hard you try, she will always stumble down the hill into her boyfriend's arms. “Hey, you're okay there?” Minju decided to speak up seeing how distraught you've become, “Ahhh no, something came up”, Having someone to talk to would be nice, but would she care to hear a story of a complete stranger? “I don't mind listening you know, if you don't mind sharing of course”, Minju smiles at you, “Well, I have this friend, her name is Chae…….”

“Uggghhh”, A pained groan escapes out of Chaewon's mouth before she even gets to open her eyes. As she tried to sit up a hand stopped her from moving, “Take it easy now kiddo, you're still hurt”, This time she immediately recognised your mother's voice. “Ma'am, I….. where am I?” Chaewon tried to open her eyes but the room was too bright for her so she immediately closed it again. “In the hospital, you were pretty rough when I saw you”, The first thing that came up in her mind was to run, anything involving hospitals is bothersome, from the bills to the questioning she'll get. Thankfully she's well aware that your mom wouldn't let her run so easily, so she just lay back on the bed trying to regain her stamina.

After half an hour or so she is able to open her eyes and sit on the bed, looking around the place she realises where she is right now. “No, my son already left”, A quick reality check from your mom completely buried her hopes of having you delay your departure. “Why……. Why did you come to my place?” It's hard for her to look at your mom in the eyes. Unlike you, your mom has this dominating aura around her that shows she takes no shit from anyone. “My son asked me to check in on you when you didn't show up to his flight”

Oh right, I ghost him again. Fuck how can I keep messing this up?

“Listen kiddo, I never liked you. For years I've already told my clueless son that you're leading him on and he never listens. I would've confronted you but I digress because he always told me not to”, It's really jarring feeling the difference between you and your mom. Her words and piercing gaze made Chaewon shivers in her place. “And worst of all you actually push him to take a dangerous job off country just because you two can't be a grown up and talk about your feelings”, Just for the record, your mom was trying to not be overly hostile, she just came off that way. “I'm sorry”, Chae said weakly, “However, after he came to me with your notes I got a glimpse of your side of the story and, somewhat open to listen to the whole thing. Today, after I see you laying down half dead on that abuser's floor I think I understand enough”

“He's not an abuser”, Chae immediately bites back, as those words left her mouth she immediately flinched and felt scared for going against your mom. “Kiddo, I've been in this line of work for the last 25 years already. I've seen your story play out a thousand times. I promised my son that I'll keep you safe, so I'm taking you away from that whether you like it or not”, That's illegal right? “But he's not, he was just having an episode. Sometimes he just lash out, he can't help it, that's just who he is”, Chae is way too far down in her own hell to realise the exit is right in front of her. “Really? You're blaming this on his mental state?” Your mom wasn't taking any of that, “He's bipolar okay? He can't help having drastic mood swings”, He was never diagnosed, Chae just read some online article and associated him with that disorder to rationalise his sociopathic behaviour. “Blaming that maniac’s behaviour on mental disorders is an insult to the people who actually have mental disorders. Kiddo, I don't think you understand how irredeemable he is. What he did to you today is unacceptable, and if you don't want to fight for your own sake then I'll fight for you by bringing him to court”

Panic starts to set in, Chaewon can't let her do that, “He's not like that, I promise, please just give him a chance”, Seeing how pathetic Chaewon is, your mom wonders how you can enable her behaviour for so long. “Let’s have this talk in the morning. It's late and I need to get some rest. Go get some sleep, I'll be back here tomorrow morning. If I didn't see you here tomorrow morning I'm coming back to your apartment with a warrant for your boyfriend”, It's not your mom's first rodeo, she knows girls like Chae would care about her boyfriend’s feelings over her own well being. “Okay then, I'll see you tomorrow ma'am”, Not even a thank you, so rude.

Fuck why did things got so complicated now. You were always so caring but this is too much pup. Your mom is gonna be the end of me. Fuck how do I convince her to drop this, I can't let her make babe mad. I need to convince her.

How would Chaewon convince her? Well, with a stupid idea, “Are you being serious right now? You want me to talk with your boyfriend?” Downright idiotic honestly. “Please, it's just one talk. You'll see that he's not as bad as you think he is”, Your mom is absolutely flabbergasted with this request, this little girl actually wanted her to have a nice and civil discussion with an abuser? “I don't think you understand, assault and battery isn't just a civil case. The law enforcement such as myself have the right to pursue this case, you know that right?” This also means if she talks to Chaewon's boyfriend and he loses his composure your mom can use his incriminating words against him.

“Trust me just this once okay? Please?” No way in hell your mom is gonna trust Chaewon, she sees Chae as an even more clueless person than you. She wants to say pathetic but she's not heartless enough to consider her own son pathetic. “I’ll drive you back to your place, I'll ask him about what transpired yesterday and that will be it. That's all the chances he's getting”, Although honestly she does see this as an opportunity to gather more evidence. “What? I need to tell him about this first”, Chae didn't have her phone, he broke it yesterday so she can't contact him, “Tchhh, so you can warn him? No, I'll give him this one chance so I can see him being unfiltered. So get your ass up because we're leaving now”, Despair, that's what Chae feels right now.

Your mom led her to the receptionist where she signed the paper for discharge. Since you were working there she used her family member card so that Chaewon's hospital bills would be reduced to zero, and that's a good price. Throughout the ride Char can't stop herself from biting her nails, her legs are all jittery and her heartbeat is beating irregularly, she's scared out of her mind. Once they arrived back at her place she was so nervous your mom had to wake her up from her thoughts. “Ahhhhh, oh sorry, you scare me”, Chae tries to calm her breathing down while your mom is staring at her, then the latter gets out of her car prompting Chae to follow her.

Chaewon knocked on the door, after all your mom didn't exactly search around to pick up her personal things such as wallets or keys. “You do know I broke the door yesterday right? The locks haven't been fixed”, Chae blushed hearing this and just opened her door, going inside she called up for her boyfriend but there was no response. “He must be out”, There was some relief in her voice, hopefully your mom would just leave the place so she can brief her boyfriend about what's gonna happen. “That's unfortunate then-”, However Chaewon's dreams were short lived as the older woman's words were interrupted by some ruffling sounds from the bedroom followed by some footsteps.

“Who the fuck are you?” Really? That's the first thing your mom said in her mind. She's completely baffled that Chaewon would ruin her own life for someone like that. No body shaming of course, the guy was good looking, but he looks like the most generic fuckboy ever imaginable. “I'm here to talk to you, I am Officer Hwang, last night I find…….”, She trailed off letting silence fills the room. The reason for that is because a girl walks out of the bedroom he just came out from. Seeing how minimal their clothing is, it's quite easy to grasp what they were doing. “Who is this?” Chaewon's fear and anxiety is replaced with unbridled rage as if he just crosses the line. “None of your business, and why the fuck did you bring a cop here huh? Hwang? Is it that retard’s mom?” He's so eloquent, no wonder Chaewon fell for him.

“Lady her your clothes and get out”, The random girls immediately sprint back to the bedroom, “Who the fuck is she?” Chaewon screamed at her boyfriend. “Fuck you, who is this? You brought a cop here? Are you insane?” Seeing him refuse to answer, Chaewon raises her hand and slaps him. It is unprofessional to laugh at someone who's getting ‘assaulted’ but your mom can't help but crack open a smile. “Are you crazy, bitch?” The slap has taken him off guard, never in his life did he think that Chaewon would have the balls to do something like that. The random girl came out of the bedroom wearing her pants with some of her underwear being stuffed into her bag. “You were cheating on me?” Chaewon roared, she looked at the random girl and was ready to pounce on her but thankfully your mom swooped in and pulled the girl outside.

“Move, I need to talk to that bitch”, Chaewon tried to push your mom away but the latter hold firm, “I think you should deal with this one first”, She pointed at her boyfriend. “Shit fucker, look at me”, He roughly pull Chaewon's hand making her body ragdoll to the ground. “You think you're hot shit because you have a cop here?” This guy has issues, “You were fucking some random girl? AFTER YOU SNAPPED BECAUSE YOU THINK I WAS CHEATING ON YOU?” Huh, maybe Chaewon's final line is just cheating. It's impressive that he never crosses that line for the last few years. Seeing how Chaewon wasn't being a scaredy cat like usual hurts his pride, so he raises his hand to hurt her in return.

“You should stop that”, Your badass mom just grab his hand before he can slap Chae, “You fucking disgusting pig, HOW DARE YOU CHEATED ON ME”, But she didn't stop Chaewon from slapping him. “You fucking whores”, His pride really can't take this anymore and he took one of the empty bottle on the table. “I warned you”, With a bored tone your mom pulled out her taser gun and just shot fade him. Immediately he fell to the ground, the bottle thankfully didn't break and cut his skin, despite how much your mom wanted that to happen. “You asshole”, Chaewon walks to him and just kicks him in the ribs, “Alright don't do that, you're gonna get in trouble”, But her words don't reach her like usual. Chaewon tried to kick him again prompting your mom to just drag her out of the house.

“Let me go, I need to kill that bastard”, She was taken off guard seeing how Chaewon just flipped a switch out of nowhere, “Well it's better than before I guess”, She muttered before pushing Chae to her car. “Stay here for a second, I need to clean this mess”, Well at least her menacing glare is enough to stop Chae from struggling. “Here, go busy yourself while I call up the medic”, She shoved a little gift box you prepared for Chae to her lap. Chaewon immediately recognised your writing and opened it, inside is a note and she immediately read it.

Hey Chae, I was writing this note because I feel like that's just gonna be our thing from now. Let me start by saying, it hurts. Reading your notes was painful and really fuck me up. However, I do understand where you're coming from. I can't force you to like me, although I really want to, I realise it's just not possible. I guess we were both an idiot, so caught up in our feelings that we ended up hurting ourselves. I just want to say, I don't hate you, I understand where you're coming from, I really do. I hope one day when I come back home we get to sit down together and talk about this further. I hope once I get back we can have a civil and mature conversation about our friendship and other things.

However, for that to happen, I need you to still be around when I come home. Yes I helped you throughout these years because I loved you. But it would be wrong if I say that was the only reason why I helped you. I was scared for you, this relationship you had with your boyfriend isn't healthy Chae. When we first met you were this badass girl who never backed down from anything. Now you're just this vulnerable girl who is being dragged through hell because you can't let go of your feelings. You know I'm right, all your friends have given up on you already because they can't bear to watch you destroy yourself. You say something about setting me up with Kazuha yet the last time you talked to her was already 2 years ago. Chae, I'm scared, I'm really scared with the idea that you won't be alive by the time I come home. I wrote this note because I want you to let him go.

No, I wasn't saying this because I feel jealous of him, I'm saying this because I care about you. I'm on this “journey” in hope that I can let go of my feelings, in hope to “break my chains” as you put it. Now I'm asking you to break yours as well. I know you're tired of hearing these words but you're sacrificing so much just by staying with that guy. I might sound biassed, but you can get any guy in the world and you're choosing the worst option. I never thought I'd say this, but it's also hurting my pride knowing you prefer staying with an abuser rather than, me. Fuck that sounds so bad, but if you were dating some rich handsome guys I'll have my heartbreak way earlier than this and probably move on. Chaewon, you're a beautiful, talented and strong girl, you can do better than him. It hurts seeing your mental toughness that I always envied are being used just so you can tolerate him. Please, now that I'm gone I can't keep you safe any longer. For the love of god please let him go Chae. I don't want to come back home seeing you six feet underground.

I might just be beating a dead horse but I hope you can see where I'm coming from. In this box there's my apartment keys. I already pay rent for the next 4 months so you can stay there if you need to. And finally, there's a hospital card here, you can use it in Serenity and get treatment free of charge. I hope you'll never need to use it, but I also hope for a lot of impossible things. Anyway I've been rambling for too long, I hope mom didn't go too hard on you. Stay safe Chae, stay alive. I hope we can meet again once I'm back home. I'll miss you.

It took her almost 30 minutes rereading that note you left her. It all boils down to, “Chaewon your boyfriend is trash, leave him already. Here take my keys”, But she keeps rereading them hoping there's more. She needs more, she needs you to write something, anything that could comfort her. “Fuck pup, why can't I just listen to you”, But alas there's none, after all you never expect this messages to actually change her mind. It technically didn't, her boyfriend's act of crossing her line did but this note is the nail in the coffin. A certain word rings in her mind, “If only he can be more like you”, So fucking cliché, yet sometimes clichés came from real life things.

Why the fuck did I say that? You're so fucking stupid sometimes Chae. Why ask for someone to be like him when he's already available. God what have I done.

No point of crying over spilled milk, but that doesn't stop her from ruining your notes with her tears. Is this your thing now? Sending notes and soaking them with tears. “He’s not a problem anymore, just in case you're wondering”, Chaewon jumped back at her seat when she saw your mom had rejoined her back in the car. “Right”, Chae wiped her tears and put the notes back in the box, “You want to go somewhere or do you want to go back to your house?” Chae glanced back to her house. It was inherited to her after her parent's death a few years ago, it was around the time she started dating that pig. Those beautiful childhood memories, all tainted by his presence.

“No, can you take me back to your son's apartment?” It's not that your mom wants to snoop around, but she's just curious and has checked the gift before she hands it to Chaewon. “Got it”, Your mom thinks it would be a good idea for Chae to stay away from her house for now, 4 months is a pretty long time to cool down. However Chaewon had different plans, “I'll wait for you to come back pup. I can fix this, I can fix us. I'll wait for you to come back, then we can start over”, Her barely audible whispers float off to the wind. A promise for a better future, no matter what it takes.

“Babe you need to stop dozing off”, You were woken up from your daydream with a gentle touch to your shoulder. “Right, I just feel weird. I can't believe a year passed already”, Yeah, it felt like a year just passed in an instant. “Come on, don't tell me you're thinking about staying here?” Minju wrapped her arm around you, “Of course not, I'm just a little sad that I'll have to go already”, Minju smiled and gave you a kiss. “There, I don't want my little puppy to be sad anymore”, She said teasing you, “Don't call me that, please never call me that in front of other people again”, It's bad enough that she calls you that in front of her coworkers, if she pull that name in front of your friends, or even your mom, you'll die out of embarrassment.

“Heheheheh, I won't promise anything. Now come on I need your big muscular arm to help me out the bags on the truck”, Living with no reception has bore you a lot, which is why you start working out alongside the soldiers that keeps the area secure. So needless to say, you've grown into a Chad, after loading the luggage you sat down with the rest of Minju’s coworkers. “So, what are we eating once we get home?”, Jaehyun, one of Minju's coworkers, asked the group. “I want some junk food, like 10 big macs covered with cheese dips type of junk food”, “No way in hell, we're eating something fresh, I want sushi”, “I don't care what we're eating but we need alcohol. Like a lot of them”, You've been pulled to be part of their friend group, although most of the time you and Minju would just fool around somewhere else. “Let's vote then, what does everyone want?” Voting with friends is such a bad idea, “I'm down for anything”, “Yeah me too, I don't mind”, “I don't really crave anything so I'll just follow what everyone wants”, In the end Minju just pull you to the passenger truck and sit with you at the back while her friends are busy discussing.

“So, we're going to meet your mom once we land?” It's hard to communicate with the people back home, you can only send her a letter every few weeks or so. Well except last week when you were given a satellite phone to arrange yours . “Well she did say she's gonna pick me up, so maybe we can have dinner with her after”, You haven't really told your mom about Minju so you're kinda nervous, “I don't think I'm down for thay babe. It's a 10 hour flight and I would rather go home and have a good long bath. Maybe we can have dinner tomorrow night”, Thankfully she rejected the dinner. “Guess you're right, I'm sure mom also wants to ask me about what I did for the last year”, It would be awkward to tell your mom that you actually got shot here. “Yeah, don't die okay baby”

“I told you you're gonna get shot”, You're like an inch away from getting shot by her out of frustration. “But mommmm, it was just an accident, some stray bullet from the soldier's training”, They even send you money for the inconvenience, or to shut you up. “Haaaaaa, I'm really this close to losing it. You didn't think about telling me in one of those letter you send me?” This is certainly a welcoming party, “ I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you worry”, She sighed and just shook her head. “Mom, where's Luna?” You tried to change the topic, “With Chaewon, that fat fuck want to stay at your apartment over here”, You raised your eyebrow in confusion, “Chae still living at my place?”

Your mom does send you some update about her in the first few months, most of it just saying how Chae is getting better and has been reconnecting with her friends. “You should go there and talk to her”, Right, the long awaited reunion is due, “I should, tomorrow we're having dinner with Minju so I guess I could come over now”, Time zone difference fuck you up because you left around sunset and arrive back at your home around 8 AM, which isn't fun. “I can drop you off at your place if you get ready right now”, As you took a shower you can't help but feel nervous. For the last year you didn't really try to reach out to Chae and your mom didn't say anything if Chae tried to reach out to you. Going back to the living room you immediately noticed how tight your outfits has become. “That usually happens when you build up muscle darling. You should go and get some new clothes”, You remember Minju said she is a shopaholic so you made a plan to do a shopping run later with Chae. Just as a friendly reunion right? Right?

“Congratulations on your promotion by the way mom”, You pull out a gift for her, “Ohhh? What's this? The bullet that they took out of your body?” Damn that would actually be a pretty good gift for her. “Uhhh no, it's just a knife one of the refugees gave me”, Without hesitation she ripped open the box and pulled out a pristine military knife. “Ohhhh, good job darling, I'll put this on my desk”, She smiles happily before strapping the knife into her waist. “Now come on, I'm gonna be late”

You stand in front of your door, feeling anxious and nervous. If any of your neighbours see this they're probably gonna be weirded out since you’re just standing there for 5 minutes. Suddenly the front door clicked open and you saw Chaewon. She was going out and she bumped into you, “Sorr-.......” The two of you just stare at each other silently. The first thing you noticed is how healthy she looks, her cheeks are no longer hollow, her skin isn't sagging, she looks better. “Hey Ch-” Chae jumped to hug you before you finished your sentence, “It's you, you're home”, Even her strength is back, enough to suffocate you. “Chae, calm down for a second”, But she doesn't want to calm down, “You're back, you're really back, I miss you so much”, Chae hugged you even harder without any intentions of letting go.

“Chae let's not do this in the hallway”, She suddenly felt your arm wrapped around her body and picked her up with ease. It was at this moment that she noticed you don't feel so scrawny anymore. “You've grown”, She let go of the hug as you closed the door behind you, her eyes travelling all over your body. “Yeah well, I got a lot of free time there”, Your cheeks turn red as Chaewon shamelessly feels up your arms. “Meow”, Luna walked out of the bedroom and the moment she saw you she immediately ran to your leg. “Hey there Luna, did you miss me”, You picked her up and she immediately purred in your familiar embrace again.

“Well come here take a seat. Don't be a stranger in your own apartment”, Chae smiles and pulls you to sit down on the couch. Looking around you notices she has done a few furnishings, the place still looks familiar, yet there's some of her touch painting the whole apartment. “You like it? I don't want to change too much but I feel like your previous decorations were kinda bland”, Is her snarky remark making a return as well? “Well the place does look less grey”, Chaewon sits closer to you, “So, how was your trip? Come on tell me everything”, She leaned towards your arm and rested her head on your shoulder.

“It's a long story, weren't you just leaving to go somewhere?” Bering with Minju for a while you've grown immune to women's advances due to how flirty she was. “I was just about to get some breakfast. Have you eaten anything yet? We can order some food”, Chae notices your lack of embarrassment and it makes her, happy. “Well I ate some airplane food earlier, so I wouldn't mind going out for some actual good food”, Luna let out a growl as if she understands that you're leaving already. “Come on let's just eat here, I want to hear everything that happened to you”, Chae pinched your cheek as she leaned even closer to you.

“Come on let's go out Chae, I also need some help. I actually gained some weight and my old clothes are getting too tight for me. Can you help me do some clothing runs?”, A date, Chae is ecstatic that you wanted to have a date with her the moment you return. “Yesssss, let's go then”, She stood up and pulled your hand, “Hahahaha, sorry Luna you're gonna have to wait for me again”, Luna let out a protest meow before jumping off your lap. “She's gonna be fine, let's go pup, it's shopping time”, Surely Chaewon won't take the whole day to help you get some new clothes.

“So you were actually shot? Like with a real bullet?” Chae is filled with concern hearing your story, “Yeah, it was just a ricochet so it's not that deep but it still hurts”, Don't cut off the fun part, tell her you cried like a baby as they tried to stop your bleeding. “That's terrible, I swear to god I'll kill that idiot who dares to shoot you”, It pisses her off, she could've lost you because some stupid drill. “It's fine, I was too close to the training yard anyway”, You can't help but smile seeing her angry face. It reminds you of the time when she used to get angry every time someone tried to pick on you. “Tchh, I'm only letting it go because you're safe and you got a cool scar from it”, Chaewon continued looking at your arm, rather, your bicep.

“Yeah, it does look cool”, You trailed off as you checked your messages that Minju had sent you. Chae furrowed her eyebrows seeing you've been busy chatting with someone on your phone throughout this breakfast. She wants to know who's making you smile and what those texts are, but she refrains for now. “Well I hope your feets are ready, we're giving you a makeover”, She'll ask you about those texts later, after all she has all the time in the world with you.

The shopping was hellish, Chaewon keeps pulling you to every clothing store there is and has you tried every single piece of clothing she can find. Then to top it off you had to bring all the luggage yourself. Well you don't have to, but you don't want to make her carry it so you just swallow the pain and move on. “Chae can we stop here? I think this is enough'', Chae does notice your suffering but she can't help herself to dress up her boyfriend. “Alright, let's put it back at our place, we can order some food for lunch”, Our place? You're gonna say something about that? “Our-”, Unfortunately your phone rings before you can ask it.

“I need to answer this call first, can you order a cab for us?” Now, Chae is not exactly a nosy person, but she feels irritated with how much you were on your phone during this date. “Fine”, She doesn't want to make a scene so she'll just frown as she watches you walk a way to answer your call. “Hey babe , I was thinking that maybe we can grab some lunch? Or are you still dealing with jet lag?” Minju said, “I'm outside right now, having a reunion with Chaewon”, A little slither of guilt can be heard in your voice as you felt bad for refusing your girlfriend’s invitation. “Oh well, did everything go well?” She doesn't mind though, “Yeah, I think we're having a good day so far. I'm kinda happy seeing her revert to her old self. Although I think I would rather have her tone down her occasional jab. Physical jab, she's one of those people who like to playfully punch you and it hurts”, You hear Minju laughed out loud at your complaints. “Oh no, my poor baby can't take a woman's punch? Even with all those muscles?” PSA: Domestic violence is not a joke, please seek professional help if you or someone you know are dealing with one.

“Hey listen she's not your average girl okay? She used to be the badass tomboy who beat up guys bigger than him. Besides you should see her biceps, they're huge”, Chaewon can't hear you but she is certainly not happy with the smiles that's forming on your face. “I would love to, is this an invitation for me to join your reunion?” Ahhhh shit, what did you just do? “Well”, You look back at Chae and are surprised seeing her hostile glare, “Maybe not today”, You're not sure why she's mad but you think it's best not to ask it for now. “Well, hopefully I can meet her soon. I'll see you tomorrow okay babe? Pick me up for the date please, you can buy some used car with the money they gave you for the bullet wounds”, You can't concentrate on what she's saying and hurriedly end the call before walking to Chaewon.

“The cab will be here soon”, Oh no, she's using her cold angry voice again, “O-okay”, The two of you awkwardly stand there waiting for the cab. Throughout the whole ride Chaewon was looking out the window trying to calm herself down. However the moment she hears you typing on your phone she immediately turns to you and lets out a vicious glare. Feeling your life might be in danger you put down your phone. Anxiousness starts to rise within you, it's not the first time you see her this mad but it's still terrifying.

What the fuck did I do now? Chae only got this mad when I did something stupid and hurt myself. Think Mark, think. Whatever it is, I should try to apologise once we get home.

The two of you silently walk back to your apartment, as soon as you walk in you hear Chaewon slam the door behind you. “Put it there”, She pointed at the floor, you obediently put down the groceries trying to find words to calm her down and inquire on what you did wrong. “Who was it?” Her voice, cold and piercing just like her eyes, “Who was what?” That's not an answer, so she walks towards you and pushes you to the wall. “Who were you talking to on the phone? The whole day you were busy talking with someone. Throughout our fucking date you were just chatting with someone else. Do you not respect me at all? Your girlfriend is in front of you yet you were busy with whoever it was in your phone”, Alright, what the fuck?

Let's break this down, first she doesn't like you talking to someone, which is understandable since it was pretty rude to be busy with your phone while you're hanging out with someone else. Then she says date, you didn't think it was a date, friendly date possibly but isn't that just a hangout? Lastly, girlfriend, this one actually takes you out of it. Hearing her referring to herself as your girlfriend is not something you ever thought you'll hear. This time, after a year of spiritual journey, you actually don't want to hear her say that.

“Chae?” Seeing that you're not answering she just digs her nails into your arm. “ANSWER ME. Who was it? And don't fucking lie to me”, Her voice echoes throughout the whole room, yet it feels so distant, as if this whole thing is just a dream to you. “That's…. I…. I was talking to my girlfriend”, Chae was about to scream back saying you weren't talking to her enough, then she realised you weren't referring to her. “Your. Girlfriend?” Her face contorted as she spat those words, “I guess I haven't mentioned her yet. Her name is-”, Your words are interrupted by her slap.

"Girlfriend?" she spat, her voice laced with disbelief that morphed into a chilling possessiveness. "Don't lie to me, babe. You're mine. You've always been.”, Words are stuck on your throat, after years of following her shadow with the hope of getting a whiff of her warmth you managed to get it at the worst possible time. The name ‘babe’ rings like a distant lullaby, those words that you crave from her felt like venom to you now. “Chae when I was there I got close with Minju. We-”, Her hand flies quickly to grab your mouth, silencing your words that's about to break her delusion. “No, that's not right at all babe. I see now, you're confused and tired. Serving there must've been very tiring for you babe. You were just homesick and miss me, yeah let's get you some rest babe”

Chae leaned and kissed your cheek, yet her eyes are challenging you to refute her words. “No, Chae I have-”, The second slap was much more painful than the first one, because this time she put her back on it. “Baby I really think you're just tired, come on let's get you to your bed. You must've missed sleeping on your bed right? I'll accompany you, we can eat lunch later”, Chae grabbed both of your hands, tugging them for you to follow her to the bedroom. “No Chae, she's real. Minju is very lovely you'll like her”, This whole situation was so odd for you that you're also in denial of Chaewon's transformation.

Chaewon's eyes narrow, trying to pierce through your skull to inspect your mind, then a humourless laugh escapes her mouth. “I see now, you had a rebound girl while you were away. I don't think I appreciate that babe, but for now let's get you to rest. I can punish you after you get some sleep”, The room was silent as if it was waiting in horror to see your next move. “No Chae……. I love her. I love Minju”, Your muscles stiffen, trying to brace for her next slap. Yet it never came, there was only silence. “Love her?”

Alright, stop denying, you know what's happening right now. “Chae I-”, You were once again interrupted by her, this time with her lips that aggressively crashed into yours and sealed it shut. This is it, the dream you've always wanted to achieve, a kiss from the girls that has held your heart for years now. Yet the kiss brought a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. On one hand, it ignited a dormant flame within you, a spark of the yearning you'd harboured for Chae for years. The warmth of her lips, the familiar scent of her hair, it all felt like a dream come true, a gift from god for all the good things you've done. On the other hand the sweetness was quickly tainted by the bitter reality. Your heart, now entwined with Minju's, ached with guilt and betrayal. This wasn't supposed to happen. Chae had friend-zoned you, leaving you to move on and build a new life. This sudden shift, this desperate claim of ownership, it sent your mind reeling.

Is this the Chae you know? The one who has explicitly told you that the two of you can never work? Or was that Chae a fake one? You've never heard those words outside the notes she left you. Perhaps those notes are just her denial of the feelings she actually had for you. Denial that was hidden by the guilt she had for using you all this time? Is this confusion you're having is just a pathetic rationalisation for your own feelings for her? Was Minju truly just a rebound girl? Did you leave your heart here with Chae this whole time and only notice it now that you're back with her?

So many questions yet no answer. You didn't try to think of an answer, after all there's a fight going on within you right now. Your body has been yearning for these moments and responded instinctively. Your heart screaming with protest as it was being torn apart by the guilt you harbour for Minju. Each agonising second felt like an eternity. You wanted to pull away, to break free from this confusing entanglement. Yet with each second passing Chae's grip tightened, her kiss becoming desperate, almost pleading. It was like witnessing a damsel in distress, someone drowning in a sea of their own obsession, and a part of you, the part that once loved her fiercely, wanted to save her.

“Haaaaa”, Finally she broke the kiss, her head pressing against yours, her hand still tightly gripping on to your collar. Her eyes are filled with ecstasy, she's in a trance, for a moment you wonder if this is what you would look like if she kissed you before you left. “You're mine babe, you're mine and mine alone”, A hushed whisper can be heard flowing out of her mouth. The kiss, it was a culmination of all the obsession and longing she has for the last year. Your absence in her life was a hellfire for her loneliness, forging her into this, thing. Day by day her longing got more and more intense until it slowly turned into a need. Now that you're here those feelings only become more intense, like a sword that has finished sharpening and ready to be used.

While she was lost in the vortex of her own emotions you finally connected the dots. Despite her rejection she has explicitly said that she has special feelings for you. A love that was strong in every way but romantically. However it would change once she finally broke free of her chain, of the collar her boyfriend has put on her. Lost, confused, exiled, her only source of hope was you. After all her friend left her the only person she can rely on was you. Yet you were already gone, left to find your own love. Of course, that's why she is still here, living in your apartment with the thought that you two can reconcile after you return. Funny how life works, Chaewon finally has the same feeling you've been ‘hiding’ from her for years just right after you lost those feelings.

“You know you love me babe. Whoever that Minju girl is, she's irrelevant. We belong together, and I'm so sorry that I hurt you for so long. I promise I'll make it up to you. Just be patient okay babe, after all we have our whole life to be together. Nothing can separate us anymore, I love you”

“I-”, NO!

Your mind managed to take control of your body before you answered her. “I...” Chaewon smiles thinking you were just too shy to say it back. “Chae, it's too late”, Desperately you tried to bury back those feelings, you can't hurt Minju, and for some reason there's this voice warning you that whatever Chae is feeling right now, it's dangerous. “Baby, you know how much you hurt me by saying that”, Her face formed a disappointed frown as her tone turned sour, her eyes turned glassy as if she was about to burst into tears. “I can't Chae, I'm sorry”, It hurts seeing her like this as well, you never thought you'd make her cry by rejecting her.

“You don't mean that pup, I can see it in your eyes. You didn't move on and I know it. You have loved me for years already, how can you just let go of all those feelings in just one year”, Her vulnerable tone and pained expression was nothing but a calculated move. Loyalty and charity, those are your two strong suits, and she knows acting hurt and vulnerable would be an easy way to change your mind. “I….. I can't Chae”, She also knows, despite your physical growth, mentally you wouldn't even hurt a fly.

“Why are you lying to me pup? I can feel your body is calling for me”, Her hand slips inside your sweater. As her cold and slender fingers feel up your abs you can't help but feel like the inside of your stomach is twisting. This is all you ever wanted yet it terrifies you. “You've grown pup, I like it”, With inhuman strength she just ripped apart your flimsy sweater. “Chaewon no”, You try to stop her, your mind does, but your body is much more honest. “Did she do this to you?” Chae pressed her finger towards the hickey you had on your collarbone, “Chae stop this”, You pleaded again, but your words aren't coming through to her. “I'll hide it babe, I'll hide it with my make so you'll forget that whore”, Chae leaned in and bite on your collarbone.

The pain, you're not even sure if it was physical or emotional. Out of all the way that you could have her you never expected that it would be done through, rape. Is this rape? Do you truly hate this? “Who was that?” Your phone buzzed making Chaewon stop her marking session. “I-”, She didn't bother waiting for your answer before rushing through your pocket and finding your phone. The name Minju was written on the screen showing she just texted you something. “Forget about her”, Chae throws away your phone before diving back to your shoulder.

I don't want this. I don't want this at all.

You pushed her away but it was so weak she barely moved. “Stop doing that”, She mumbles as she continues biting you. “Chae stop this please”, You push her again but this time you managed to put some power into it. She doesn't budge, her teeth still hooked into your flesh refusing to let you go. “Chaewon stop”, Finally raise your voice, she stops biting you yet her body is still pressing you to the wall. “Baby, I need you to stop playing so hard to get okay? I know you want this”, Come on tell her no, tell her she's wrong. “See, you need to stop lying to me”, Her hand caressed your bulge, “I know you more than you know yourself”, She whispered in your ear.

Do I actually want this? Was I overreacting when I call this rape? Chaewon would never do that. She's a kind and loving person. She would never do anything to hurt me. Right?

She fucking gaslight you so easily? “My god, you're so big baby”, You glanced down and realised Chaewon was already kneeling in front of you, your pants already pulled down exposing your cock. “Chae”, She smiles, your tone is much more meek now, she knows she got you by the, well, balls. “It's okay babe, I'll be gentle”, Her slender fingers gently wrapped around your cock as her lips kissed your tip. Your body shivers with the sensation, her gentle touch was enough to make you leak some precum. Chaewon smiles proudly, “I'm flattered babe, you've been missing me too right?” Her tongue sticks out and licks your tip.

The more she licks the more you leak out. Her hand starts stroking you as she licks your cock like a lollipop, savouring the taste of your precum. Not long after that she kissed your tip again before pushing it into her mouth. “Ohhh fuck”, You moan, her mouth was too small for it and despite her best effort she can only go halfway. Feeling defeated she pulls away before spitting onto your shaft, her hand continues stroking and coats your cock with her saliva. If she can't take all of your length she will be creative. So as her head bobs up and down her hand jerks you off with the lubricant she just applied. Wet sloppy noise echoes throughout the room, accompanied by the sounds of your grunt and moans.

“Chae, fuck”, Feeling your cock starts to throb she got even more intense. Her hand and head go in sync as she tries to milk you. “Chae, I'm cumming”, Your hips buckled forward forcing Chae to choke on your cock as you unload down her throat. The sensation of your thick and warm cum travelling down her throat gives Chae a sense of victory. Her eyes never leave yours for a second and she watches every single emotion you went through this whole time. She knows, you can't run from her.

“You taste so good babe”, She moaned once she pulled out your cock. Then she just let it rest on top of her small and pale white face, a view so arousing yo8r body starts screaming for round two. “Chae, I-”, It only took five seconds and your guilt already came back, this displeases her. “Come here baby, let's continue this in our bed”, She stood up and grabbed your hand. Now that your mind is clear, the post nut clarity should help you make your decision. Should you run now? Or should you just let yourself fall deeper into this, abyss.

“Come on babe”, Realising you're second guessing yourself, Chaewon grabbed your hand using both of her own while using her cute and innocent face. She hates to do this, she really does, because right now she's using a strategy that her ex used on her. “I……” Yet seeing you falter made her happy, there's always a silver lining in everything. Right now, she won't mind personifying her ex’s attitude if it means she gets to make you stay with her. “Hehehehehe, come on let's do a quick one babe, we can have lunch after this”, With one pull she managed to crumble down your common sense. So you follow her, right into the dragon's nest. Inside your room you can see it's pretty much the same. The only difference was her makeup and dirty clothes that filled up the room. “I don't want to change too much, after all I want you to go back home to a familiar sight”, She smiles before pushing you to the bed. Chaewon takes off her skirt before jumping on to you. She pushes your erect cock into her stomach, “Look babe, you're gonna split me in half with this monster”

Seeing how quiet you are, Chae just takes off her top before leaning towards you. “Don't be shy babe, I know you've been dreaming for this moment for years now”, Her hand pulls yours into her breast, “Feel it babe”, She whispered in your ear. Overtaken by lust, your hand gently squeezed her tits making her moan, “Yeah baby, just like that. Don't be shy anymore okay? I know you like this as much as I do”, Chae raises her waist and aligns your cock with her wet entrance. “I love you”, And with that she lowers her waist, struggling to take your cock. “Fuck”, You grunted feeling how tight she is, “It hurts so much babe”, She moaned before leaning into your neck. “You're really gonna split me apart”, Her breath has become shaky as she continues pushing more of you into her.

“Chae”, You whispered, “Yeah baby? Do you like it?” She bites your ear, “Take it slow” Oh no. “Hehehehehe, I'm not fragile you know”, Hearing your submission gave her a new source of energy. Her lips crashed on to yours as both of her hands hugged your head, not letting you move. As she managed to take your full length she didn't bother to rest a little and start moving. “I'll get used to this babe, I promise. We're made for each other, you and I”, She moans while her lower body is screaming in agony, but she couldn't care less. Her mind was already overtaken by lust, all those sleepless nights from missing you has caused her to have so much pent up stress. “Fuck Chae, calm down for a second”, You moaned feeling how aggressive she has become.

“No baby, you have no idea how much I miss you”, Chae presses her head against yours, you can see her eyes are filled with nothing but madness. “Those sleepless nights, all those times I woke up in the middle of the night, dreaming that you'll be there with me on our bed. Now you're back baby, and I will show you, just how much I've been missing you, how much I needed you”, She rode you even faster, making you let out a moan. “Yeah, do you like it baby? Do you like my pussy”, Chae whispered in your ears, “Grab my ass baby, I know you've always liked them”, She said before she started kissing you again.

In for a penny, in for a pound. Your hand reached down to grab her ass cheek. The first thing you noticed was how soft and smooth her skin feels, and as you squeeze them you find yourself enjoying the firmness of it. “Do you like it baby?” Chaewon moaned, “I….. do”, Chae smiled hearing your words. “Well don't be shy, use me however you like babe”, Her words are way too potent for you, “Fuck, Chae I'm about to-” Feeling your cock throbbing inside her Chae closed your mouth with her hand. “No baby, you need to hold it in”, Your eyes give her a protesting glare as Chae continues riding you. “I know it's your first time, baby, but I need you to be strong”, She loves seeing your panicked face thinking that you are having a hard time holding it in, but then you open your mouth. “It's not my first time”, Her waist sits on you as she stops moving, her eyes clearly filled with hatred.

“My baby, my innocent baby boy was corrupted by that WHORE?” Chae wanted to scream at you, to slap you for allowing yourself to get used by some whore. “Haaaaa, that bitch, I won't let her get close to you ever again”, But then she continued moving again, “Chae?” You on the other hand are struggling to hold your ejaculation, god knows what she's gonna do if you fail to follow her commands. “I guess it would be selfish for me if I wanted you to stay virgin. But that's okay right babe? Even if it's not our first time, what matters is that from now on we will only do this with each other”, Chae finds her rhythm back, riding you aggressively. Slowly the feelings turns into torture for you, “Chae I really need to-, Fuck”, Everytime you begged her she would just bite your chest, “You can hold om just a little more right babe? I want to finish with you so wait for me a little more baby”, Chae gives you a cute pouting expression, completely contrasting how her lower body is riding you like an animal.

“Fuck Chae, please?” You whined again, this time you lost control of your face making it contort into a pathetic pleading expression. “Haaaaa, you look so cute like that”, Of course this whole thing is about the power play with Chae. She loves seeing you struggle and suffer just so you can please her. “Chae please?” you whined, “Call me babe”, Chae feels her orgasm is building up as well. “Babe, let me cum please?” Oh yeah, she's awakening a new kink right now, “Tell me you love me”, She whispered in your ears. “I love you babe”, You can feel Chae start shaking, “Tell me you'll leave that whore for me”, Last change bucko, will your rational mind return? “I will leave her for you babe, I love you”, Guess not.

“Haaaaa, then cum baby, cum inside me. Fill me up with your love please”, Hearing your total submission sends her over the edge. As your cum starts to shoot inside her, Chae kisses you again, desperately biting onto your lips as she's also having her orgasm. Your mind went blank for a moment as it short-circuited. “Haaaaa, haaaaa, haaaaa, welcome back baby, I love you”, Chae kissed your cheeks as the two of you were catching your breath. “Can you, get off me Chae?” She shakes her head, “Call me babe okay? I'm your girlfriend now so I need you to call me your baby from now on”, On top of that she kinda likes having your dick inside her. “Baby, can you get off me?” But of course, being the perfect girlfriend she will do anything to please you.

You tried to stand up when she got off of you but her hand immediately grabbed onto yours. “Where are you going?” Her voice filled with annoyance and a tiny hint of threat. “I need to wash up”, Her smile came back as she stood up with you, “Then let's have a shower together, I'll clean you babe”, She wrapped her arm around yours and pulled you to the bathroom. Once the two of you finished the shower Chae pulled you back to the bathroom and cuddled up with you. Her head rests on top of your shoulder as her finger is drawing around on your chest.

Now, how do you deal with this situation? Would you pick her over Minju? Or would you come clean to Minju that you just cheated on her. Your mind wanders around to the countless times you spend the night with Minju. Her warmth, her smile, her….. love, do they feel the same as what Chaewon is doing to you? Those memories hit you like a truck, alongside it are the guilt that just tearing you apart. Looking down at Chae, you see her smile at you before moving on to caress your hair. It really does feel like a fever dream, having her like this with you. Maybe it was a sign, Chaewon is just a dream and Minju is the reality?

Your conflicted expression doesn't escape Chae, she knows that you're having second thoughts again. It pisses her off, but she doesn't want to push you too much, after all her ex tends to use a much more delicate approach when she's being, defiant. “Baby, I feel so tired right now. You really did a number on me you know?” She wrapped her arm around you, caressing your cheek and pulling your head closer to hers so she can kiss the other one. It feels wrong, her touch, this all feels so, artificial. You stay quiet, trying to organise your mind. Chae sighed before she cuddled up closer to you, “Let's get some rest baby. You said you just got off the plane this morning right? Get some sleep baby, I'll order us food for later”, Her leg wrapped around your waist. You of course managed to read between the lines, “You are not leaving here”

“Meow”, Luna? Where did that little shit throughout all this? “Come here Luna”, Chae said, Luna jumps up onto your bed and comfortably snuggles into Chaewon's torso. Huh, that's weird, is this an omen? Chae looks at your bewildered face and starts letting Luna, “I told you I'll make her enjoy my cuddles” And I'll do the same to you, babe.

#kpop fanfic #kpop gg #kpop smut #le sserafim #le sserafim smut #kim chaewon #chaewon smut #male reader

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thinkingaboutjaedyn · 1 month

Text

fresh out of the salon [k.martin x reader]

prompt: kate gets her hair done after the season ends and you're in love with it

author notes: let me firstly disclaim that i don't know shit about hair outside of black ppl hair 💔 and i hardly know that. secondly, i don't know if kate is a natural blonde with dark roots or a brunette who dyes her hair blonde but im pretty sure she's a natural blonde so.. if she isn't just ignore all the times i call her that. thirdly im still getting kate's personality 🙇🏽‍♀️ so this might not be super accurate to her but whatever. anyways enough yapping, enjoy it.

word of the fic: hair

it was only a few days after iowa's defeat against south carolina. kate was quick to call you when she reached her hotel room; feeling drained from the intense atmosphere during the game and also heartbroken she left her basketball college career off with a loss. you unfortunately couldn't make it due to having to focus on softball season. if iowa had played a home game for the final, you could had comforted your girlfriend afterwards but sadly she was still in ohio; having to do a few promotional shoots for a brand.

having to stay away from you longer than nesscary annoyed the blonde, but money is money so she sucked it up. you two relied on facetime and constant talking to stay connected. your teammates teased you all the time about how you been glued to your phone everytime there was a break at practice, but could they blame you? it's kate we're talking about here.

it's around ten pm when the blonde finally facetimes you. her face being close to the camera once the call connected.

"why am i seeing more of your nose than you, kate?" you giggle. getting comfortable on your bed before putting your attention fully on her. kate makes an obvious pout that you can see very closely with her face almost squished against her phone.

"i want a kiss," the iowa basketball player pulls her face away, not too far, to give you a full look of her lips. you roll your eyes, but internally the cuteness levels going on right now from her were huge. you indulge her before counting down so she was ready to kiss the phone screen the moment you were.

she lays back onto the hotel bed pillows afterwards. a satisfied look on her face; kate was truly the only one who can make you do something as embarrassing as kissing a phone screen. you take in her full appearance now. the blonde had obviously slip on some pajamas after coming to her hotel room from the shoot. a matching hello kitty matching pajama set that you recognized as yours is on her body.

"who said you could take my clothes?" you make a fake angry expression that just makes kate shake her head in amusement. "i did and i'm your girlfriend, so deal with it," kate says.

you roll your eyes before noticing a slight difference with kate. her hair looks slightly different than how it was when she left iowa. the darkish blonde of the player now has nicely done highlights on them. when did kate get her hair done? and why didn't she tell you?

the silence from your side of the line makes kate pout, "talk to me, baby. i missed your voice all day."

a flutter goes through your chest at her words; kate always knew what to say to have you swooning. "you got your hair done!" you say. she giggles, looking away from the screen in shyness. the player wasn't used to someone noticing things about her appearance. it was a new feeling of appreciation that makes kate crave to be near you even more.

"yeah. since i was doing those photoshoots, i thought it would be best to give my hair some new life," kate leaves out the part about how the loss to south carolina made her cry and immediately want to go to the salon to feel new again the moment she left the stadium (in the end only getting her hair done earlier today), but that's a topic for later. two things could be true at once though.

"but no selfies?" it was now your turn to pout. feeling slightly sad that your girlfriend didn't send a selfie your way after the first step she took out of the salon. kate wants to kiss away your pout so badly, but can't; curse nil deals.

"i was going to, baby. don't pout at me, it just makes me miss you even more. i had a photoshoot right after the salon and couldn't really text," kate explains. the pout on your lips disappears with you back to missing her.

"it looks so good on you, babes. makes me wanna kiss you"

"then gimme a kiss. the screen doesn't matter to me," kate puckers her lips up. leaning back close to the screen as you do the same.

you two stay up until twelve. during the rest of the call you keep taking facetime photos of kate because for one, she was just so adorable and for two, her new hair was doing things for you. the highlights really brought out her eyes. you were definitely going to kiss her all over her face when she landed back in iowa.

you tell kate to go off to sleep when the clock strikes one, so she can be well rested for her flight back home tomorrow. she pouts until you agree to fall asleep on the phone; who would say no to that face?

#kate martin x reader #kate martin #wbb x reader

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lostinforestbound · 3 months

Note

hi there! domestic rolan anon again, but this time i'm gonna name myself LMAO i read a few things about tieflings purring and i was wondering if i could request rolan who purrs for tav/reader when they have special, private moments together? once again, if you don't like the request, you can skip it!!

- 💛

Hello again Domestic Rolan anon! (Or maybe yellow heart anon??) I will never skip over Tieflings purring, it's too cute to pass up!

Rolan and Purring

Rolan finds purring absolutely embarrassing. It's one part of Tiefling biology that he hates.

Not only is his particular purr pretty loud, purring is extremely vulnerable for him, so it takes him a long time to even feel comfortable enough to do it around his partner.

The only time he ever purred for someone is for Cal and/or Lia when they needed comfort; even then, they were a lot younger, so he hasn't done that in years.

What he won't ever tell anyone is that he purrs by himself as a form of self-soothing.

When you finally settle down with him and he's very secure in your relationship (which could take a long time), he doesn't even realize he started purring in your private moments.

When you first point it out, he immediately stops and is pretty embarrassed about it. Face fully flushed and everything! It's adorable.

When asked, he begrudgingly explains that yes, some Tieflings can purr, but don't expect him to do it all the time!

Fully relaxed in your shared bed while cuddling with you, he'll quietly purr up a storm, hoping for more of your touch. Sometimes he'll purr when you're kissing, pulling you closer to him.

Other times is simple tasks that's generally loving; brushing his hair, massaging his shoulders, hugging him close and tight, and even tender neck kisses on his adam's apple gets him to purr at least lightly.

Or imagine a date night, splitting a bottle of Arabellan Dry and you take one of his hands in yours. Not only can you hear a quiet purr, but the tip of his tail is flicking happily as he laces his fingers through yours.

Writing Blurb

After a very long day, you and Rolan decide that the best way to spend the evening is to relax. You both were originally planning for a night out in the lower city, but watching each others tired looks, you decided that it was better to stay in for the night. Maybe to split a whole bottle of Arabellan Dry while you two were at it.

Getting into nightwear, the both of you share some dinner and wine, complaining about the day. How many idiots must pass through the doors of Sorcerous Sundries ranting about a spell failure before they realize that it was their own fault? They're the ones who couldn't get through the simple verbal component. You have to remind him that not everyone is as talented at magic as he is, but they shouldn't haven been yelling at Lia either way (she was working behind the counter for the day).

Now, the two of you lay together in bed, and you gently massage his back as you speak. "Maybe we should've let Lia just attack the guy."

"I do not want blood on my floors!" He exasperates, head comfortably settled on your chest. "It would be terrible for business, the Sundries isn't the Blushing Mermaid."

You laugh, fingers trailing to the back of his neck to press against his nape. "Well, it would at least make the day more interesting."

He grumbles incoherently but says nothing else about it.

Your fingers eventually trail to the back of his head, threading them into his hair. When he relaxes even more to the touch, you decide to scratch and massage his scalp. It's always a favorite of his.

What you didn't expect is for him to start purring.

It's not loud, but you can certainly feel it through your chest as his eyes flutter closed, tail winding around your ankle loosely. You knew that a tiefling's tail can act similar to a cat, but purring? That's new and adorable.

Running your fingers through his hair, you gently untangle any knots that found their way into the strands. You don't say a word, wanting to enjoy this quiet moment with the stressed wizard.

It's hard to get him to relax at all through the day, so this is a small victory you will savor.

As he dozes off, you whisper sweet nothings into his ear, hoping for a calm night and wishing for him to have a calmer day tomorrow.

#rolan #bg3 rolan #rolan x tav #forest-writes #holy rolan empire #rolan x reader

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yo-yo-yeonkai · 9 months

Text

WHAT BEOMGYU SAID - HUENING KAI - NSFW

Huening Kai x AFAB!reader

Genre: smut

Warning list: Virgin!Kai Who is literally following a step by step guide that Beomgyu told him on how to fuck a girl, insecure sub!reader, praise (perfect), pet names (my love, cutie, sweetheart), begging, fingering f!receiving, Kai calls her ‘thing’ once, not proof read!

Word count: 870

Summary: Kai is a clueless boy… so Beomgyu tells him how to fuck a girl right. But when Beomgyu told him, he didn’t actually think Kai would get a girl in his bed! Beomgyu was only trying to embarrass the poor boy!

Kai had finally done it... what all his mates told him he couldn't do. Get a girl into his bed.

He was surprised you were even intrested in him! In his opinion, you were so far out of his league that he looked like a rat next to you. But hey ho, he wouldn't blow this chance.

As he's pulling off your clothes, your pretty pink lingerie, hugging you perfectly, catches his eye and suddenly he remembers something Beomgyu said once, "If she's prepared to have sex with you, and you guys didn't plan it... she aimed to have sex with you, either to use you, or because she's desperate... do you understand little one?"

Kai wasn't sure whether he should be proud you'd come prepared, or, feel frightened at the thought of you using him. Either way, he’d ignore the infringing thought and fuck you right, just like Beomgyu said.

"Oh sweetheart~ you came in such a cute set for me... d'ya want me that badly hmmm~?" He teases you confidently, his fingers circling your swollen clit through your panties.

At the feeling, soft whimpers flow past your red lips, stained the delicious colour by all the kisses and bites Kai managed to land. Suddenly feeling a red flush burn through your body you attempt to cover yourself as you ask, "mhmm, is it pretty~?". You were dressed up because you were insecure, not because you were using him, but how was Kai to know that?

His soft hands gently pry your legs back open, and peel your hands from your chest. Leaning down, he kisses your lips "you are so beautiful my love... being dressed like this is only a bonus. I would've been starstruck regardless of how you dressed" he admitted, fingers hooking the lace of your panties and slipping them to the side.

Dipping his head to leave wet kisses on your neck, his fingers slip into your hole, wet arousal paving the perfect path. A gasp rips from your throat at the new feeling. The sound hit his ear so deliciously, he felt his trousers grow even tighter than before, if that was even possible, and his patience run thin.

'No, don't fuck her yet' he told himself, 'Beomgyu told you it's best to tease a girl before you fuck her, so then she's more wound up, and it'll be easier to get her to cum' he reminded himself of his friends words. God he is such a dork. He really wished he could just fuck you without having to rely on his friends words. Wish he could just lay you out and fuck you stupid.

"Hmph~ Kai please, I want you" you whine, trailing your hands up his back, gripping onto him, nails already digging crescent moons into his skin.

He tuts and smirks down at you "sorry my love, but I'm not done with fucking you like this yet... either beg harder, or be patient.." he chuckles. When he said those words he'd expected you to be quiet and take it until he was done with his fingers and wanted to stretch you out with his dick, but no, you really must have been desperate.

You gave up any pride and instantly begun begging, "Kai, please, I want your dick in me. I want you to stretch me out and make me yours, please~" you whine, ready to keep going but the feeling of his fingers slipping out of you made you quickly look down. The empty feeling making you whine for a completely different reason to before. His fingers were gone, but something else was very ready to take its place.

"God you sound so fucking hot when you beg, perfect little thing, aren't you? Ready to take me?" He teased, causing you to nod and grip the sheets, ready for the initial pain. He gently thrusts in, your mouth falling open, but no sound came out, which has his eyebrows knitting together. If you are enjoying yourself, why the fuck won’t you moan for him?!

Not giving you a second to get used to him, he begins thrusting, a lot harsher than his first thrust. "Cutie~ moan for me hmmm... don't keep that pretty little voice silent. I wanna hear it all" he rambles, whimpers mingled in with his words. Though Kai may try and act calm and dominating, he was absolutely dazed by the way your walls gripped him in, begging for his cock. He’d be pussy drunk in no time.

At Kai's request you finally let your voice out, something you'd previously been holding in because you were embarrassed about how you may sound.

He uses one arm to hold himself above you whilst the other traces your nipple through the pink lace of the lingerie. "God~ Kai" you moan, intoxicated by the man above you.

Kai's gaze flicks to your eyes quickly, and a dark aura lingers in him. "Mhmm, tell me how good it feels love" he orders, playing with the pretty lingerie you'd decided to wear. If you were using him, he’d make sure it was worth it.

In all honesty, up until this point he'd been doing everything Beomgyu had told him he should do for when he, finallllyyyy, gets lucky. But the feeling of you wrapped around him so perfectly made him forget everything, now he was just doing what felt right. Relying on his primal instincts to guide him correctly. The only way he knew you liked it was the stutters in your voice, the shake of your body, the way your gummy walls grip tighter around him every time he hit the right spot. God knows how he even fucking found it in the first place. He's as impressed as you are...

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burntb4bydoll · 1 year

Note

was js wondering if you could do an oneshot with Bill where he as major size kink and maybe dacryphilia? im srry im just straight up putting my biggest kinks in here and asking for u to write ab it LMAO

anyways, love ur writing hun xx

BAEE don’t apologize these are literally my two biggest kinks LMAO TWINS😍‼️ AND TYY💗

Bill Kaulitz x crybaby!reader

Warnings: major size kink, lots of crying, dirty talk, praising, biting

You had spilled your drink down the front of your shirt so he gave you on of his long sleeves to wear. Once you pulled it on he stepped behind you to look at you through the mirror on his closet door.

“God baby look at how tiny you look… so fucking cute.” Bill groans, slipping his hands under the shirt you were wearing and starts gripping your waist. Your felt your legs go weak at his words and you clutch onto his arms that were currently holding you in place. He looks into your eye’s through the small mirror and you see the lustful look he was giving you. “You like when I say that? You like when I tell you how much smaller you are than me?”

“Mhm…” your eyes flutter shut and you lean back into Bill embrace. One of his hands moves out from under your shirt to move your hair away from your neck. He kisses gently at your skin before sinking his teeth into it. You squeak out a short yelp and your eyes shoot open, immediately filling with tears due to the stinging pain on the side of your neck.

“Oh my…look at you crying for me already. Such a adorable little thing, huh?” You let out a shaky moan and push yourself father into his touch. He removes both hands from your body before moving in front of you, easily picking you up. He takes you over to the bed and sits down, pulling you to sit in his lap. He kisses you and you grind your hips against his, feeling his boner through both of your pants. Your whine at the feeling and push your chest against his.

“Bill. Fuck me, please. I want you to fuck me so badd..” you cried, running your fingers over the sides of his face. He lick his lips and looks down at you,

“Hmm I don��t know baby…without any prep? I don’t think you can take all of me without it.” Bills words are teasing. He knows you can take him, you’ve done it perfectly every time he fucks you. ‘Perfectly’ meaning you crying and clutching on to him while he shoves himself as deep as he can go.

“Please! I can take it, I promise!” You beg, throwing your head into his neck to try and convince him. He hums, pretending to think for a second before he flips you over to lay underneath him.

“Ok honey, I’ll fuck your pretty little cunt don’t worry. I’ll always give my girl what she asks for.” He peels off your pants, leaving his shirt on you. He thinks you look too hot to take it off. After he finishes taking your pants and underwear off, he pulls off his own while also taking his shirt off in the process. He pumps himself in his hand for a minute while watching your body squirm as you watched him. Bill leans forward and slowly pushes into you, making you let out a soft cry at the stretch.

“Shhh. I know sweetie, I know. You’re just too small for me, huh?” He knows that his words will only make you cry harder, and thats exactly why he said them. You shake your head and your close your eyes, making even more tears fall. Bill uses his thumb to wipe them off your face and you lean into his large hand. He continues to push into you until he finally bottoms out. Both of you whine at the feeling of being to close to each other.

“F-fuck Bill.. you’re so fucking big. Makes my head feel fuzzy..” you words are breathy and quiet, sounding a little stuffy from crying. He giggles and pulls out halfway before he starts to thrust into you. His hips slam against your own and you swear you could feel him in your stomach. He pushes more of his body weight against you as he moves is mouth down to your neck, biting you again. At this point you’re sobbing, arching your body off the bed to pull him closer to you.

“B-Bill? I’m gonna- oh fuck! I’m gonna cum!” Bill’s thrusts were harsh and deep, pulling you closer and closer to your release.

“Yeah? Go ahead honey. Cum for me, my pretty little girl.”

#bill kaulitz x reader #bill kaulitz smut #bill kaulitz #tokio hotel x reader #georg listing x reader #gustav schafer x reader #tokio hotel smut #tom kaulitz x reader #tokio hotel #tokio hotel fanfic #tom kaulitz

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throneofspicybooks · 6 months

Text

✨Azriel x Reader NSFW Alphabet ✨

SMUT - MINORS DNI

A/N This is my first time writing anything like this so please let me know your thoughts 🙏🙏

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Okay we alllll know Azriel would be the most attentive male afterwards. He’s holding you so close immediately afterwards, your softly panting breaths mixing as he praises you gently. “You did so good for me, Princess. I’m so proud of you.” Soft kisses along your skin as he untangled your limbs so he can get a wash cloth to clean you up. He’d run you a bath, filling it with all your favourite scents. Afterwards he’d dry you and moisturise you so your skin can remain nice and soft. He’d be careful of any bruises or marks he might have left on you, depending on how rough the two of you got, bending down to kiss them lovingly. When he was done, he’d let you wear one of his shirts, the length too long as it dangles down to your mid-thigh. You look so cute dressed in his clothes, Azriel has to fight the instinct to pound you into the mattress once more. But he wraps his wings around you, so it’s just a cocoon of the both of you, the love between you feeling so warm, so peaceful. He lays you down in the bed, his steady heartbeat sending you into a deep sleep.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Obviously, Azriel loves every part of you. BUT he especially loves your boobs. If you’re wearing something low cut, his eyes are glued to your chest. Not in a creepy way, in a “I love this woman so much holy shit she has great boobs” way. You’ll stare at him as he stares at your chest, his eyes nearly comical as he shifts between your eyes and your boobs. Ya know how you hold your boob randomly for comfort? Yeah Azriel does that too. You’ll be laying together in bed or on the lounge and he’ll just rest his hand on one of them as you read to him. When you have sex, sucking on them is one of his favourite things to do. He’ll get distracted on the way from your pussy to your mouth, your nipple being tugged into his mouth and his tongue flicking it relentlessly while his fingers play with the others. He LOVES to cum on them. You just look so pretty covered in his seed. And he can’t help himself when he writes his name across your chest in the white liquid.

I’m going to be so cliche and say that you love his hands. The swirls on his hands are just so beautiful. They make him him, which is why you love them so much. They’re always so gentle with you, so soft. Plus, he knows how to use them in expert ways that make you see stars. His abs tho?? Girllll they are rippling. And when he makes you ride them? You turn into a babbling, drooling mess

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Like I said before, Azriel loves to cum on your chest and write his name. You are HIS and there is absolutely no denying it. But he also loves to cum in you. You just squeeze him so tight, he can’t help but cum streams and streams, so much that it drips out of you and he has to push it back in with his fingers. “You can’t waste it, Baby Doll. It needs to stay where it belongs, in your pretty little cunt.”

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He NEEDS to eat your cunt at least once a day. If he doesn’t, he turns into the most angsty, emo male. Just so grouchy at everyone but you. He prefers to do it in the morning, but you have to be careful. Azriel doesn’t relent. What starts as a morning session can quickly turn into a whole day of you two fooling around in bed.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

We already know the male is experienced. But you didn’t know HOW much until he made you cum in 30 seconds flat. Azriel knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. He’s proud of it too, a smirk alighting his face as he watches you come down from your high from between your legs.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary is definitely a favourite. Not only does he get to see all his favourite parts, but he also gets to watch your pretty face as you shatter around his cock. He can also fold you in half much more easily like this, your legs thrown over his shoulders as he pounds your tight hole. It also means you can stroke his wings, your finger gently rubbing the membrane has him whimpering into your neck.

BUT he lovessss fucking you in front of a mirror. Kneeling in front of the mirror in your bedroom, Azriel would fuck you from behind, your back pressed against his chest. He makes you watch, the threat of stopping enough to make you watch as you take all of him, your body perfect as you squeeze him tightly. He has access to his favourite parts, fingers coming down to stroke your clit and squeeze his nipples as he whispers filthy praises in your ear.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Most of the time he’s pretty serious. He takes his job (making you cum as many times as possible) very seriously, and he is often going out of his way to set a new record. There was definitely a few times when you were trying new things together. They weren’t quite going right, so the best thing to do was laugh bad move on, the two of you comfortable enough with each other to move past even the most awkward event.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Just a little bit of hair at the base. He keeps it pretty neat for you. It is your preferred seat after all.

He doesn’t care how you like to be. You’re perfect in his eyes so whatever you choose is your choice and he is more than happy with the outcome.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Usually very romantic. If you guys have the time, he’ll make a whole event of it. Wine, rose petals, candles, the works. He’ll whisper praises in your ear. Telling you how good you are for him, how perfect. You’re his good little Bunny, taking his cock so well. Loved to whisper how much he loves as he thrusts into you. He prayed to the Mother everyday for you, and now that he was has you, he’s just so grateful.

But oftentimes you two love to get rough. He’s still romantic, but it’s more subtle. You can feel it in the way he ties the rope around your wrists, how he grips your hips to stop you from squirming, it’s in his grunts as he calls you his dirty little slut. You’re just so pretty with drool dripping from your lips as you suck his dick.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Neither of you masterbate that often, not unless you’re away from each other for a period of time. But you both like to mutually Jack off beside each other. Looking into each other’s eyes and pretending your hand are theirs? Some of the best foreplay.

Az also likes to make you play with yourself while he sits and watches. Just something about it makes him feel like the predator and you’re his prey.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

The main ones are definitely bondage, praise, degradation, and daddy. But he’s definitely into biting and scratching, maybe a bit of voyeurism. And he’s absolutely into breeding. It makes him feral and primal. Also begging. It makes him feel needed, especially when you’re nearly crying for his cock.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

You two of made your bedroom the perfect place to fuck. It has everything you’d ever need in it. Why would you bother doing it anywhere else??

That doesn’t mean you don’t tho 👀 sometimes you’re both so needy for each other you can’t wait. You’ve been known to do it against a wall during a night out a few times, just to ease the itch. And during Starfall, you two did sneak off to do it on one of the balconies in the House of Wind, the stars shooting past making Azriel’s eyes sparkle as he makes love to you. Sometimes he can’t get away from work, glued to his desk as he reads reports. You love to sneak in and surprise him with a quick fuck. And he is more than happy to oblige. Bending you over his desk, Az fucks you with wild abandon, sating the need so he can get back do work and fuck you for hours later. There was a time that you two snuck into Rhy’s office to fuck ok his desk, but the High Lord doesn’t need to know about that one.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You. Literally just everything about you. Not just your body but your mind, your laugh, your smile. Just make eye contact and offer him a little smile and he is putty in your hands.

Also if you gently run your finger along the bottom of the base of his left wing he’s seconds off form cumming in his pants 😳

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I don’t think he’d be really into wax play. It’s too close to fire and that scares him :(

Also cnc. If you’re not actively saying yes, even if it is just for sexy times) he’s not really down.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He’s absolutely a giver. Like I said, if you’re not cumming on his tongue at least once a day, it’s a bad day and he’s grumpy. He once made you cum after just 30 seconds, he’s that good. But most of the time he likes to tease you until you’re begging. Circling you clit but never hitting the right spot, so you’ll have to big him for the release you crave. “You gonna beg me Princess? I need to hear that word. Just one little word you can cum. Come on Baby, let me hear you.”

He does like it when you suck his dick tho. He’s very very long. He loves whatever you do, but he especially loves when you try and take his length down your throat, or take as much as you can until you’re spluttering and gagging. It turns him on to see the drool running down your lips as you make it messy.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Most of the time is starts off slow and sensual but you’re both so needy for each other that it turns into fast and rough. You often dig your heals into his back and rub his wings to make him to turn fast and feral. It works every time.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Prefers not to do them. He loves to take his time and often wants to draw at least 5 orgasms from you. Quickies are never enough time for that. But sometimes it’s needed and he will absolutely make the best of it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He loves experimenting. He wants to try everything he can with you. Pegging? Sure. A sex club? He’ll try it. a threesome? He’s so down. Trying new things is always fun with you two.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

The way this male never seems to tire is a phenomenon that needs to be studied. You’ll be fucked out, your chest heaving and arm covering your face as you come down from your high and he’s somehow still hard???

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Toys are his friend, not the enemy. He absolutely uses toys on you. They probably don’t have vibrators in Prythian but I’d they do he definitely ties you to a chair with a vibrator on your clit while he sits at his desk and does his work. If he’s feeling extra frisky he gets you to wear a vibrator to dinner with the IC. He loves to turn it up while you’re having a conversation with Nesta, your legs shaking and chest heaving as it becomes too much.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

The BIGGEST tease. He wants you begging, writhing underneath him, crying for the release. He’ll circle your clit, never hitting the exact spot. Running his fingers up your cunt, playing with your hole but never dipping in. When he finally begins to fuck you he’ll pull away when he starts to feel your cunt squeezing him. Your outraged squeal when you orgasm is denied only makes him harder, the pleading in your eyes making him nearly cum. “Aww my poor little Bunny,” he pouts, “you better start begging me. Beg for Daddy, Bunny. That’s my girl. Let me hear you”

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He used to be really quiet, only really making a few grunts when he’d cum. But then you brought up your fear that he wasn’t enjoying it. When he was quiet, you could never quite know if he was enjoying it. Now, he’s very vocal. Grunting, moaning, whimpering, he does it all. Is also constantly either praising you or degrading you. “That’s my good little slut” “You’re such a dirty whore, mine pretty Bunny”

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

I absolutely LOVE the idea of Daddy Dom Az. He’s definitely a soft dom. When you’re being Brat, he just has to give you a soft look mumbling “please Princess, don’t you want to be good for me?” With a soft pout.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Canonically has the biggest wingspan. He’s super long. You can use two hands and still not reach his tip. He’s thick but not the thickest. When you wrap your hands around it, your fingers don’t quite touch.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Very very high 😭 if you ask “want to fuck?” He can go right then and there. If he could be fucking you all the time he would be.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He waits for you to fall asleep first. His heart beat sends you right to sleep, but your steady breathing sends him to sleep too. Whether it’s the post-sex high or having you in his arms, he manages to fall asleep quickly for the first time in his life.

#acotar #acotar headcanon #azriel #azriel headcanons #azriel x reader #fanfic #azriel smut #smut #acotar azriel

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gojou-violin · 2 years

Text

a reward for a puppy

☽ 𝒦𝒾𝓃𝓀𝓉𝑜𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝐸𝓍𝓉𝓇𝒶 ☾

| pairing: puppy!denji x mommy!reader

| warnings: 18+ MDNI petplay, collar/leash, deep sub space, gentle mommy dommy vibes, jerking denji off, lots of cuteness and my attempt at aftercare cuz cuddles are my love language ok.

| wc: 3.4k

| taglist: @venusflytrapstar , @aylitgirl , @thisbicc

| a/n: bro, venus put in the WORK helping me get on track with this fic. thank you for your help, love <3

Your heart could pop out of your chest at any minute. Truly. It was hard to look at Denji and not want to absolutely pass out just by thinking about how cute and precious he was.

You weren’t exactly sure about everything that happened to Denji before you met him, but over the year or so that you had been taking care of him, you’d come to put some pieces together, like how he lost his best friends, how he was scared of women because of how he had been used before. That was the worst pill to swallow in your opinion. Someone out there had truly done a number on him. The Denji you knew now was different from the one you took in when you found him drunkenly wandering alone between bars that he was getting kicked out of because he couldn’t afford to close out his tabs. You knew that she was the reason. Whoever she was, she was responsible for Denji ending up alone on the streets for a couple of years. She was responsible for the way he tried to run away from you. She was responsible for the way he was always wary of your every move because kindness always seemed to be at a cost for him— But it wasn’t for you.

To you, taking care of Denji was the best thing in the world. He was such a quiet and gentle person who couldn’t take care of himself all too well. Yes, he managed to survive on the streets for as long as he did; and, yes, he had that Devil inside of him to keep him safe; but it was different when he trusted too easily or not at all. He was like a lost puppy. He just needed someone to guide him and make him feel safe, and to support him so that he could live life to the fullest while being genuinely happy.

Denji had the cutest obsession with your body. It took some time for him to warm up to you, of course, nothing happened overnight— But once he was comfortable around you, he started snuggling up to your side, testing the waters to see how much he could get away with. Eventually, laying next you turned into him putting his head on your lap. Him resting his head on your shoulder turned into him resting his head on your chest— He loved to hide his face there when he was scared or bored. And when he was sleeping, he started laying down between your legs instead of on your lap. He specifically liked it when he was between your knees, on his stomach, his arms wrapped around your torso, his face on your chest, your hands in his hair or massaging his back, and your lips kissing the top of his head. When you were watching TV, Denji liked to be between your legs, but with his back pressed against your stomach. Both of you felt so relaxed like that. Every time. It was wonderful to have him in your arms, the safest place for him, as he watched his favorite show or movies, and you entertained him by playing with his hair or feeding him popcorn.

He loved it when you fed him food. That was a process that took longer than anything else, which you were sure had to do with her, but you were at least grateful that Denji took that last step towards trusting you completely.

Denji was obviously such a physical person. It was only a matter of time before he wanted to do more with you, but you were always so worried about upsetting him or letting him down or making him freak out by remembering his past somehow. You were just too hesitant. He would move to kiss you, and you’d have to turn away with a quiet apology. He’d try to hump your leg while cuddling and you’d come up with an excuse to get up. Eventually, though, you ran out of apologies and shitty rationalizations as to why you couldn’t do anything with him. Both of you were adults, and he’d been living with you long enough, it was like the two of you were practically dating already— You just couldn’t hold yourself back anymore.

There had been a day when you finally gave in, leaning into his kiss when he made another half-hearted attempt at it, expecting that you’d dodge like usual. And one thing led to another until you were both on your bed with you on top, riding him while he moaned your name and grabbed onto the sheets, barely clinging to his remaining sanity. You learned afterwards that was his first time. You had inklings, of course, but he didn’t outright admit it until after.

Since then, you weren’t exactly sure what to label the relationship that you had with Denji because it was this weird limbo between dating and simply being friends with benefits. Whenever he was hard or you were needy, one of you would pounce on the other. You’d been living with each other for a year. You went out to nice restaurants that required you to get all dressed up. You went to the movies. You went on walks around the park. You worried about him whenever he went out to fight Devils. He worried about you whenever he wasn’t in your arms. That met all the requirements of being a couple, didn’t it?

What really solidified it for you in your mind was when he had crawled onto your lap that afternoon, sliding between your legs so that he could rest against you while he watched TV, and after a few minutes of trying to get your attention by running his hands up and down your thighs, you gave in to what he clearly wanted, which was for someone to help out with the bothersome erection he had straining in his sleep shorts.

With a whiney plea of, “Mommy…” you knew that he was all yours. There was suddenly no doubt about it.

“Yeah, baby?” you cooed so gently in response because you didn’t want to spook him after being so shocked from what he said when all you wanted was to hear him say it again.

“Please,” he begged pathetically.

You indulged him by sliding your hands under his pants and over his hard cock. He melted into you a bit, his head turning to the side so that he could hide his face in your bicep as you started slowly teasing his tip with your thumbs to get a sense of just how needy and leaky he was. It didn’t matter how much the two of you had fucked since that first time together because Denji was always just as cute and pathetic every time.

“Is that it, puppy?” you asked in his ear.

He nodded desperately. “Yeah—” He gasped as you wrapped both hands around his length. “Mommy—”

Fuck, you could die of happiness right then and there when he said that.

“Feels— Feels— S’ good—”

After that day, it didn’t stop. Every time Denji saw you, he’d perk up with a bright smile and jump at you with a gleeful cheer of, “Mommy!” And whenever he was puddy in your arms, you’d pet his hair and whisper, “That’s a good puppy,” to send him deeper into that blissful place of sub-space that he needed so desperately in order to avoid all of the ongoing problems in his life. He liked to sit at your feet now, resting his head on your lap as you played with his hair; and you knew that he liked that spot because if he ever wanted to, he could just squeeze between your knees until you were spread wide for him, giving him the chance to make you feel good.

One day he told you that he was happy to know you. He was happy that you called him puppy. He was so glad that someone good was taking care of him. And he explained that the reason he felt that way was because of the last woman he’d ever opened up to, a woman named Makima who treated him like a dog, like a pet, and not in the wonderful way that you did, had done terrible things to him. You were kind and caring. She was scary and sadistic.

So you did your best to make sure he continued to feel appreciated and cared for. You got him whatever he wanted, fed him food whenever he wanted, and let him cuddle up against you whenever he needed. You started rewarding Denji. For little things, you’d give him headpats or kisses on the cheek, and for the bigger things, you’d give him… Well… You.

Denji put in the work in order to earn you because it seemed like he always needed you.

He came home one day, bragging about the Devil he killed, and how he made enough money off that one kill to pay your rent for the month; and for that, he deserved a big reward. So you scratched behind his ear while praising him for his good work and that you were so proud of him and so thankful that he came home safe, and you did this until he dropped to his knees with a stupid grin plastered to his face and his tongue hanging out with utter happiness. When he was waiting eagerly at your feet, you left to grab his collar and leash from your shared drawer, and Denji happily followed you. He looked so much at peace when you put the collar around his neck. He seemed to melt more and more as you kissed his head when he was wearing what showed that he belonged to you— Which was all he ever wanted. Denji wanted to belong to someone good, and you hoped that you could be that person for the rest of his life.

Poor thing was more than excited to crawl onto the couch with you, to lay between your legs after you reclined back then turned on the TV. It didn’t really occur to him that he’d earned more than that. Denji seemed to be content with the fact that he was there with you, resting against your warm body, hiding his face in your bicep, whining lightly as you tickled your fingers around the collar on his neck.

“Does that feel okay, puppy?”

Denji nodded vaguely.

“What would you like to watch?”

He whispered the name of his favorite show to you, so you played with the remote until you got the episode of the new season playing for him.

“Like that, baby?”

He nodded again before murmuring, “Perfect, Mommy.”

“Good boy.”

Denji nuzzled your arm while you kissed the top of his head. Honestly, did it have to go any further than that? Not necessarily. But Denji knew the rules, he knew the rewards that came with impressing you, and after clearly earning it, how could you deny him his gift? Especially when he looked so cute when he was all blissed-out between your legs—

“Will you do me a favor, puppy?”

Denji nodded. “Anything, Mommy.”

“Be a good boy and watch your show while Mommy makes you feel good.”

His face brightened as a list of potential possibilities began to run through his mind— What were you going to do to him? Tease him? Fuck him? Let him fuck you? Were you going to be nice or mean? Were you going to rush things or let it all brew until he was pathetically whimpering your name? The endless possibilities were running through your head, too, but your mind was made up. You tried to hold him still, because he was always squirmy whenever you played with him, by wrapping the leash around your hand a couple of times before you held on tight then dragged your free hand down his front and under the waistband of his pants. Denji told you once that he had to wear a suit for work back in the day when he did Devil hunting professionally; however, now that he was back to freelance, he got to wear whatever he wanted, including just a t-shirt and some loose fitting pants that gave him plenty of room to move around in while he was fighting— And they were fairly cheap, so he didn’t have to worry about ruining them and feeling guilty about having you buy him more.

“Mommy?” he cocked a brow up at you.

Your hand was sliding into his pants and was wasting no time in taking his semi-soft length in your gentle grip. He let out the cutest, quietest moan you’d ever heard.

“Don’t mind me, puppy.”

“Y-Yes, Mommy…”

You kissed under his ear. The way he tensed as you pumped your hand ever so slowly up and down his length in an effort to get him hard, to which he mewled and screwed his eyes shut to concentrate until you warned him to open up because you told him to watch his show while you took care of him. He tried his best. You could see it while you were peeking over his shoulder to get a good view of his face and what you were doing under his pants, his chin was quivering as he was attempting to hold back any moans from slipping out or from moving around too much before you’d decide to punish him by stopping altogether.

You leaned in to whisper, “You can make noise, puppy.”

A gentle groan left him within an instant. “Thank you, Mommy.” His head fell back onto your shoulder, but his eyes were still open so that he could watch his show— Though you knew he wasn’t really paying attention. “Feels s’good…”

“Does it?”

He nodded. “Y- Yes—” Another moan got caught in his throat as you slipped his pants down to his thighs so that his erection could pop up, giving you more room to please him. “Shit—” His hands grabbed onto your wrist to stop you after you decided to suddenly jerk him off fast and hard. “Mommy—”

“Don’t stop me, puppy.”

Denji carefully let go of you, his hands finding the length of his leash to hold onto instead. “I’m sorry.”

You kissed under his ear again. “It’s okay.”

You continued your movements of dragging your fist up and down his shaft, leading from base to tip, a squelching sound becoming more and more obvious as precum dribbled out of his tip and onto your hand. You tried to play with it to see the clear, gooey strings sticking to your fingers, but Denji wasn’t having it— Not when he was so needy.

Without any warning, Denji suddenly rolled over, his face immediately finding its way to your chest where he could stuff his cold nose between your boobs. You hesitated while letting him adjust. Another pathetic, desperate, needy, pleading whine escaped him as he did his best to hold onto your hips for balance while he was busy running his nose and lips along the outline of your bra around your breasts.

“Mommy, need’ta touch you…” He pressed his hips forward, sliding his length through the loose grip you still have around him. “Please, Mommy.”

It was hard not to grin at him even though he couldn’t see you. With his face buried in your chest, there was no way he could tell that you were on Cloud 9 just watching him fuck your hand at a fast yet gentle pace, something similar to the way he liked to fuck you whenever he was on top and just wanted to make you feel good. Denji wasn’t a selfish man. Though he enjoyed orgasming— craved it, even— he always put your pleasure before his when you’d let him. If he earned the reward of fucking you, he did so in a way that would make you cum; and he’d always hold back long enough to make sure you came first. It was so cute whenever he was thrusting inside of you and his eyes were screwed shut just so that he could concentrate on not cumming.

“Oh, my poor puppy,” you teased. He whimpered when you kissed the top of his head. “You’ve just been so pent up and needy for me, haven’t you?”

He nodded against your chest. “Yes, Mommy—”

Denji was cut off by the way you started matching his movements, fisting your hand along his hard length while he fucked it faster. Every time you were near his tip, you had to tease him. With a gentle swipe of your thumb over the sensitive tip, Denji quickly collapsed from his knees to his stomach, giving up control again so that you could jerk him off and he couldn’t do a single thing about it.

“You’ve been such a good pet for me, puppy. You know that?”

Denji’s nose rubbed against your sternum in response.

“Good boys who earn rewards get to cum. Isn’t that right?”

“F-Fu-Fuck— Yes— Yes, Mommy—”

“My sweet boy…”

“All… All yours, Mommy—” His breath was burning your skin in the best way as he panted, drool likely staining your shirt. “I’m your good boy.”

“Yes, you are.”

After looping his leash around your wrist instead of your hand, you wormed your way down to press your palm flat against his tip so that you could rub back and forth while you were still jerking him off; a dual effort to get him to cum harder. Denji was a squirming mess after that. He couldn’t contain himself, and it was hard for you to keep him somewhat still between your legs, because he was grabbing your hips for dear life while crying into your boobs for mercy.

“I’m close, Mommy— Stop it— Stop— Mommy!”

“Why would I stop, puppy? I told you that you’re allowed to cum. Don’t hold back. Cum for me whenever you’re ready.”

It barely took ‘til the end of your sentence before Denji cried out your name. White ropes of his cum shot out onto your thighs and stomach during the height of his orgasm that you forced out of him; and when it began to slow down, it turned into a spent leak that dripped down your hands.

You kissed the top of his head again as a means to close the gap between the two of you while you were whispering lovely praises to him about how he was so good for you and that he was so precious and that you were happy that he belonged to you.

When he caught his breath and was somewhat alert to his surroundings again, Denji tried to pick himself up so that he could escape you long enough to grab a towel to clean up the mess he made; However, you were still holding onto his leash tight enough that he couldn’t go far before you tugged gently to keep him with you, unable to think about anything about you, which is how it should have always been. You and him. Nothing else.

“Don’t move yet, puppy… Mommy’ll help you when you’re ready.”

Denji slumped against your body, completely giving up control one final time so that you could hug him close, enveloping him in your arms where he was safe and loved and taken care of. If it was possible, you would have liked to keep him there forever. If he wasn’t so anxious all the time, you’d want to keep him at home where you could look after him 24/7 so that you knew he was safe and out of harm’s way. When he was at work, nothing was guaranteed. Maybe if you just held onto him for dear life, refusing to let go, never allowing him out of your arms, convincing him that having his cheek squished up against your boobs was the best feeling in the world— Maybe then he’d stay with you forever.

“I’m so proud of you, Denji.”

He whined happily at the mention of his name.

“You did so well for me, baby.”

You ran your hands up and down his back to help him calm down while he caught his breath. Denji wasn’t wiggling around, which was a sign that he was close to falling asleep; and you knew the second you saw his left foot twitching at the end of the bed that he had actually successfully done so. He was all yours. He wasn’t going anywhere, not in that state when he was covered in cum and sweat, still wearing his collar and leash that you had wrapped around your wrist. Your cute little puppy. You’d take care of him for the rest of his life…

“Goodnight, puppy.”

#op #fanfic #denji #chainsaw man #chainsaw man smut #chainsaw man fanfic #csm #csm fanfic #csm smut #denji fanfic #denji smut

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b1ackoutartist · 1 year

Text

Breakfast

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

fluff:)

Natasha couldn't help but smile as she sat on the bed, watching her girlfriend, y/n, laughter bubbling forth as Natasha tried to unravel the buttons and clasps on Y/n's blouse.

"Hey! Stop that!" y/n exclaimed, her laughter still present in her voice. She grabbed Natasha's hands to stop her, pushing her away with a playful shove.

Natasha pouted, dejectedly. "But why! I just wanted to see what was under there."

"Yeah, but I have to go to work," y/n replied, leaning in for a kiss. When they separated, Natasha's expression softened slightly.

"I guess I'll have to wait until you come home then, huh?"

Y/n chuckled, her green eyes twinkling. "I'm sorry, love. But that does give you something to look forward to, yes?"

Natasha smiled, reluctantly. "Yeah, I guess," she said with a huff.

Y/N kissed her again, this time more gently. When they broke apart, y/n smiled and pressed a final kiss against Natasha's forehead.

"I love you," y/n said quietly, before turning to leave Natasha's bedroom. Natasha watched her go, annoyed that y/n had to go but also excited for what was to come later. She sent y/n off with a cute little wave and a whisper of "I love you too".

After y/n left, Natasha remained in her room for a few more minutes, time passing in silence as she processed her thoughts. Eventually, she got up and dragged herself towards the bathroom. It didn't take her long to get ready, and soon Natasha was driving to the compound.

When she arrived, Nick Fury was already there as expected, making Natasha roll her eyes though she couldn't hide the uneasiness she always felt when near him. She smiled and gritted her teeth, bracing herself for the task ahead.

Natasha took a deep breath and stepped forward. She was ready. Or at least that's what she told herself.

"What's the mission, Agent Fury?" Natasha asked, trying to sound as professional and collected as possible, though she could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

Fury looked over at Natasha and held her gaze. "You, Rogers, and Barton are going to investigate a possible breach in security," Fury said simply.

At that, Natasha and Steve exchanged a glance briefly, both of them aware of what was really going on.

"Barton and I will handle the investigation, while you take on the ground support," Fury continued.

"Understood," Natasha replied, nodding her head slightly.

Clint let out a low whistle and stood up. "Well, you heard him. Let's get movin'."

Natasha gave a faint smile, and followed Clint and Steve out the door.

The mission went as expected. It was tedious and dangerous, yet the three of them managed to finish it without any catastrophic incidents.

But when they reported back to Fury, he had only complaints and nagging orders of what more needed to be done. Exhaustion slowly began settling in as they argued, though Natasha did her best to remain on top of the alternating emotions going through her.

Finally, Fury dismissed them, allowing Natasha to head home. Normally, the sight of her home would bring some joy, but all Natasha could bring herself to feel was exhaustion and annoyance.

She opened the door and looked around, expecting to see her girlfriend, as always. But to her surprise, the apartment was as empty and quiet as it had been when she left, except for two clues that y/N wasn't home.

The first, of course, was the empty bedroom. But the second, a simple text message, made Natasha's already sour mood even worse.

"I'm sorry, love. I had to stay at my place tonight. My roommate needed me. I'll see you tomorrow."

Natasha cursed softly under her breath and tossed the phone onto the couch, before collapsing onto the bed.

She was already under stress from the day, and her girlfriend wasn't here to help her unwind. So Natasha lay there, stewing in her anger and stress, until eventually her exhaustion and emotions won out and she passed into a much needed sleep.

The next morning, Natasha woke to an empty bed once more, an annoying reminder of her girlfriend's absence. She grumbled to herself angrily for a bit, before finally getting up and out of bed.

Instead of heading to work, Natasha decided to do something nice. She drove to a small cafe near y/n's apartment and got breakfast and coffee for the two of them. Not caring about y/n's roommate at all.

Arriving at y/n's place, she waited a few minutes before the roommate, Sara, opened the door eyeing Natasha arrogantly. Natasha rolled her eyes and pushed her way into the apartment, not bothering to mince words with the clearly nosy girl. She made her way to y/n's bedroom and smiled lovingly at her girlfriend, still sleeping deep in her bed.

Natasha placed the breakfast on the desk, before finally sitting on the corner of the bed. She reached out and brushed y/n's hair away from her face, a small smile gracing her lips.

"Wake up, detka," Natasha said, her voice overflowing with affection. "I brought breakfast for us."

Y/n stirred slightly, before opening her eyes and smiling dreamily at Natasha.

"Good morning, beautiful," y/n said softly, pulling Natasha in for a kiss.

"Good morning," Natasha replied after they pulled away, her smile growing larger. "How'd you sleep младенец?"

Y/n shrugged, before taking the cup of coffee Natasha had brought and taking a sip. "Fine, I suppose," she said, before gesturing to the food on the desk. "What did you get for us?"

Natasha grinned. "Surprise," she said, her voice light and airy. "Now eat up! We can't have you starving, now can we?"

Y/n groaned, but stood up and wrapped her arms around Natasha's neck. "You're too good to me," she said, before planting a soft kiss to Natasha's lips.

Natasha chuckled, wrapping her arms around y/n's waist. "You're worth it," she said.

Y/n smiled, before finally getting up and grabbing the breakfast.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanov #black widow #natasha romanoff #marvel #black widow x reader

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sethsclearwater · 1 year

Text

request: could you do a pt 3 to ‘unexpected’ where the reader goes into labor and seth helps her through it? like super fluffy and sue is there helping out as her midwife and theyre all just so cute and happy to be helping y/n give birth

notes: so much fluff and love, my teeth are rotting

warnings: birth??

links to part 1 and 2

—

you were nine months pregnant with the one and only seth clearwater’s baby and were currently anxiously awaiting the baby’s arrival. sue had you staying home and resting while you waited while seth kept you busy with decorating the nursery.

as much as you had enjoyed your pregnancy, you were getting frustrated with how difficult it was to do anything and couldn’t wait to finally be able to hold your baby. you were laying in bed with seth, it was about 10 pm and you couldn’t get comfortable. you had been having incredibly inconsistent contractions for about 24 hours now and weren’t dilating at all so sue had assured you it was just false labor and your body’s way of getting ready for birth.

you had just rolled onto your side so seth could spoon you. although he was sound asleep, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest before taking his free hand and gently rubbing at your belly. you sighed softly, closing your eyes and tried to drift off so you could at least get some sleep.

you had drifted off for maybe 10 minutes when another contraction woke you up, this time though it was stronger than the others and you whimpered, shimmying yourself out of seth’s grip so you could sit up and get more comfortable while you waited out the contraction. at the movement, seth woke up, “what’s wrong?” he murmured worriedly, sitting up and rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up more.

you whimpered, “just a bad contraction,” you murmured, letting out a sigh of relief as it started to pass, “i think i need to move around or something. she’s kicking like crazy.” you explained and he nodded, running his hand up and down your back soothingly before pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

“let me help you.” he cooed, getting up and coming over to your side of the bed to help you up. you smiled, taking his hands and allowed him to help you stand up.

once your feet hit the ground you felt a sharp pain in your abdomen followed by the feeling of water trickling down your legs and you let out a loud whimper, leaning into seth so he could support your weight, “another contraction?” he asked softly, rubbing his hand up and down your back.

“my water.” you winced, pressing your hands to his chest and took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down.

“your water?” he reiterated, “your water broke?” he asked again and you nodded, looking up at him worriedly before another contraction rolled through you and you whined, closing your eyes and attempting to breathe through it while seth held you up.

“okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.” he cooed, gently rocking you side to side in an attempt to help you work through the contraction.

after about 45 seconds, the contraction faded and you looked up at him nervously, “can you call your mom?” you asked softly and he nodded, helping you sit down on the edge of the bed while he went to grab his phone.

about 30 minutes after he had called sue, she arrived and informed you that you were officially in active labor and were dilated to a whopping 7 centimeters.

over the course of the next few hours your contractions became more intense. as you worked through the contractions, you were starting to wonder if your non-medicated home-birth idea was the way to go. you were leaned into seth’s chest, allowing him to support your weight and rock you back and forth as you worked through your most intense contraction yet when you started to panic.

“i don’t think i can do this.” you whimpered, tears filling your eyes as you looked up at him.

“i know can pretty girl,” he reassured, “you’re almost done, yea? just gotta push her out now. do you feel like you need to push yet?” he asked softly, sliding his hand under your shirt to rub his hand up and down your back soothingly.

you shook your head, “i don’t know. it just hurts all the time-” you whined, whimpering loudly as another contraction rolled through you causing you to squeeze your eyes shut and tighten your fists on the thin fabric of his t-shirt.

“okay, okay, take some deep breaths,” he cooed, “you gotta let yourself stretch, yea?”

you whined, tightening your fists on his t-shirt at the thought, “i want to push,” you groaned, looking over your shoulder to sue, “how do i push? i want her out.”

sue smiled at you, nodding, “alright why don’t we get you laid down so you can try?”

you nodded, seth and sue helping you sit down in between seth’s legs, “okay seth can you hold her legs back?” sue asked and he nodded, helping pull your legs back so you could start pushing.

“okay honey so it looks like you’re just under 10 centimeters but if you feel like you need to push then i want you to push during your contractions, yea?” sue asked softly and you nodded, gripping seth’s forearms as another contraction rolled through you and you tried to push, quickly giving up when you felt the intense burning sensation.

“it hurts-” you whimpered, looking at sue nervously who nodded.

“it’s gonna feel like that until you push her out, okay? i want you to focus on your breathing, yea? i don’t want you focusing on the pain or else you’re gonna get overwhelmed.” she explained and you whimpered, leaning back against seth’s chest.

seth pressed his lips to the crown of your head, “you’re doing so good babe.” he cooed, thumbs rubbing soothing circles against your legs as you all waited for another contraction so you could push.

you closed your eyes, focusing on your breathing like sue suggested, “there you go honey. just listen to your body, yea? you’ll know when you need to push.” sue encouraged and you nodded, taking a deep breath and pushing as the next contraction rolled through you.

“that’s exactly what i’m looking for,” sue smiled encouragingly as you collapsed back against seth’s chest taking in deep breaths, “did you feel that one? that was a great push.”

you nodded breathlessly, “how many more times do i need to do that?” you asked softly, gripping seth’s forearms nervously.

“well,” sue started, seeming to think thoughtfully about it for a moment before continuing, “you’ve had a pretty fast labor so far so probably not too much more. if you keep pushing like that i think she’ll be here within the hour.” she explained, smiling softly at you.

you nodded, not particularly excited that you’d need to keep doing this for the next hour but couldn’t focus too much on that because the next contraction started to roll through you.

over the next - very painful - 45 minutes you had managed to nearly get your baby to crown when you started to hit a mental block. the pain was much worse than you’d imagined and you were nearly in a complete panic mode, tears streaming down your cheeks as you tried to catch your breath in between contractions.

seth was gently cooing encouraging things to you, pressing soft kisses to your hair in between contractions as sue monitored you and the baby from her spot between your legs.

“seth i can’t do this-” you whimpered, weakly trying to push his hands off your legs.

“hey, hey, look at me-” seth let go of your thighs and instead cupped your jaw with his hand so he could have you look at him. you hadn’t been focusing on him that much but he looked nearly as distraught at you, “you’re doing great, yea? you’re right there babe. just a few more pushes and you’re gonna have her out, okay?” he encouraged and you whimpered, nodding as he brushed your tears away with his thumbs.

“‘m so proud of you right now. you’re doing amazing.” he cooed, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, “now i want you to push our baby out, yea?” he asked softly and you nodded again, taking a deep breath with him before he let go of your jaw and grabbed ahold of your legs again so you could push.

you looked at sue who offered you a soft smile, “he’s right you know,” sue laughed softly, “you’re right there honey.” she cooed encouragingly and you nodded, sucking in another deep breath as your next contraction rolled through you and you pushed.

the pain of crowning was much worse than you’d imagined it would be and nearly had you screaming. instead, you opted to do as sue suggested and put that into your pushes. “there you go y/n-” sue encouraged, “keep pushing and her head is gonna be all the way out in just a second.”

you whimpered loudly, nodding, and continued pushing through the pain until the contraction finished, “great job honey, her head is out.” sue cooed excitedly, “do you want to feel her?” she asked, smiling softly at you as you nodded.

she took your hand, gently guiding you so you could place your hand on your daughter’s head, “that’s my baby?” you whimpered, another wave of tears streaming down your cheeks as sue nodded.

“yea, that’s your baby honey.” she cooed gently, smiling at you as seth pressed a soft kiss to the soft spot behind your ear.

“just a few more pushes and you’re gonna be able to hold her, yea?” seth encouraged, smiling at you as you nodded, taking another deep breath as your final contraction came on.

you whimpered loudly, leaning back into seth’s chest, your grip on his forearms tightening as sue helped you push your baby out. suddenly the pressure vanished and you heard a loud wail from your baby followed by sue placing your baby girl on your chest.

“oh my god-” you whimpered, collapsing into seth and immediately wrapping your arms around your baby and cooing to her.

you heard seth let out a sigh of relief from behind you as he released his grip on your thighs and wrapped his arms around you and your baby. “you did so good honey.” sue cooed, smiling at you as you looked up at her.

“thank you.” you whispered to her hoarsely, tears of happiness continuing to stream down your cheeks as you held your baby to your chest.

seth pressed another kiss to your hair, “‘m so proud of you babe.” he cooed, “look how pretty she is. you did such a good job.” he mused as you looked up at him.

“thank you-” you murmured softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

he chuckled, “you’re the one that just pushed her out, pretty girl,” he cooed, “i should be thanking you.” he teased, pressing another soft kiss to your lips.

you smiled, turning your attention back to your daughter who had calmed down and was now relaxed against your chest under yours and seth’s hands.

“she’s so tiny.” you murmured, gently stroking her head with your thumb as you processed the fact that you were finally holding your baby.

seth chuckled, nodding, “you have no idea how proud i am of you right now.” he mused, pressing a gentle kiss to the crown of your head.

you giggled, blushing, “couldn’t have done it without you.”

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sequinsmile-x · 6 months

Text

Backfire

Three Thanksgivings in the lives of the Hotchner family.

-x-

Hi friends, this is the third and final (for now) part of my Thanksgiving fic Backfire.

This got a little sadder than I initially intended, but I don't think that will surprise anyone.

This week has been...rough. But as ever I am grateful for this community and the distraction it provides from real life <3

-x-

Words: 3.7k

Warnings: Grief/Loss of a parent

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Somewhere along the way, Thanksgiving had become her least favourite holiday.

She’d felt the tension it brought the moment she woke up, torn from sleep by her hungry one-month-old, the baby girl demanding her attention almost constantly. Eliza was a clingier baby than Zachary had ever been, something that Emily would have once called impossible, and she was exhausted.

She yawns as she lays Eliza down on the changing table, a smile flitting across her face at the sight of the outfit, that had been bought by Penelope, that she was about to dress her daughter in. The swirling writing and cartoon turkey on the onesie so cute it made her ache.

Mommy & Daddy’s Little Turkey.

“You’re going to hate me when I show you these pictures in about 14 years, sweet girl,” she says as she picks up the outfit, rubbing the soft material between her fingers, “But you’re going to look so damn cute I don’t care.” She feels a rush of love sweep through her as she slips Eliza’s arms into the onesie, her heart aching at how cute her daughter looks. She picks her up and rests her against her chest, “You are the fucking cutest baby on the whole planet.”

“Don’t curse in front of the baby.”

She turns to look at her husband and smiles, rolling her eyes at him before she adjusts her hold on Eliza so he can see her outfit, “Am I wrong?”

He chuckles as he walks over, his hand on Emily’s lower back as he leans in to kiss her. He then stamps a kiss against Eliza’s head before he pulls back to look at them.

“I stand corrected, she is the fucking cutest.”

Emily mock gasps, “Don’t curse in front of the baby.”

Aaron shakes his head at his wife, but his response is cut off as the doorbell rings, quickly followed by Jack’s voice, the 11-year-old’s excitement clear.

“Mom, Dad, Aunt Jessie and Grandpa are here!”

She hears two sets of feet thundering down the hallway downstairs, Zachary always on the heels of his older brother, the 4-year-old always copying his every move.

Aaron feels Emily tense in his arms, her shoulders tight as she holds Eliza impossibly closer. He kisses her forehead and cups her cheek to make him look up at her.

“Remember sweetheart, we don’t have to do this. We can just send him home.”

She found Thanksgiving challenging when she was at her best, something that she definitely did not currently feel. It was the only holiday when they got together with Roy, who still tried to undermine her or make comments towards Aaron at every opportunity. Emily hated it, the tension the man brought into her home enough to make her skin crawl, but she put up with it. Her love for Jack and her desire for him to be happy and surrounded by family who loved him far outweighing her own dislike for a man who made a point of being actively rude to her husband.

Aaron had checked more than once if she still wanted to go ahead with Thanksgiving as planned. He’d even asked her that morning, his arm around her shoulder as she fed Eliza whilst it was still dark outside, a serious look in his eyes as he said he’d uninvite Roy at any time, right up to the moment he stepped foot on the porch. She’d insisted she was fine, that she wanted things to be as normal as they possibly could, but as she watches the clock tick closer to the time Jess was supposed to arrive with Roy, she wonders if she had made the right decision.

Not only was Emily only a month post-partum and still getting used to having a newborn again, the four years since she’d done all of this with Zachary feeling like both a lifetime and a blur all at once, but it was the first holiday since her mother had died.

Emily was working when it happened. Regulated to the office at almost 8 months pregnant, her bump pressed against her desk as she looked over paperwork she was struggling to focus on. Her phone screen lit up with an unknown number, and dread she still didn’t understand flooded her veins. Her instincts that something was wrong kicking in before she even answered the call and listened as a stranger whose voice she’d never forget told her that Elizabeth was critically ill.

Aaron had been away on a case at the time, something she knew he still felt guilty about as if him being at home would have changed anything. He’d flown back to her as soon as he could, putting her and their family above his job, a lesson he’d learnt the hard way with spilt blood and tears. He’d held her hand as she made the decision to take her mother off life support, the roll of her baby girl in her stomach feeling displaced against the repetitive beeps of the machines around them, and her mother’s cold hand.

Emily wondered if things would feel different if her relationship with her mother had been a good one. If they’d had the type of relationship she knew she had with her children whether she’d feel different. Grief was complicated, she knew that, it wasn’t linear or easy. But she sometimes thought her chest wouldn’t feel like it was hollowed out if she had more good memories of her mother to fall back on, if all of her favourite moments with her hadn’t all happened since she’d become a mother herself. Elizabeth may never have been the mother Emily wanted or deserved, but she was an excellent grandmother.

On some level, she was jealous of the relationship the boys had with Elizabeth, an emotion that made her feel so guilty it made her feel sick. She wished that she could miss her like Jack and Zachary did. They had no complication in their grief, no caveats. They just missed her.

Emily was angry. Furious that her mother had been capable of being the person she’d needed all along, and sad that Elizabeth had never chosen to be like that for her. She missed both who her mother was and who she could have been, the old adage that ‘two things can be right at once’ as infuriating as it was correct.

She sighs as she shakes her head, “No, we can’t send him home, honey. He’s Jack’s grandfather, it’s Thanksgiving,” she turns her head to kiss his palm, “We can’t send him home. Plus, that would mean Jess would have to leave too and I love spending time with her, and so do the boys. And she cooked the turkey this year so we’d have no food.”

He smiles at her and leans in to kiss her softly. He knew that she was making the decision she thought was right for everyone other than herself, her own comfort was always her last priority. He doesn’t want to argue with her though, and doesn’t want to push her when he knows she’s already more delicate than usual, something she wouldn’t thank him for pointing out. So he steps away.

“I’ll go let them in,” he says, his smile so loving it warms her from the inside out, “You come down when you’re ready.”

She nods and smiles gratefully, turning all of her attention back to Eliza the moment they are alone. She smiles at her little girl.

It may be her first holiday without her mother, but it was also her first with her daughter and she wanted to enjoy it as much as she could.

“Come on Eliza,” she says, kissing her temple, “Let’s go see the grumpiest man to ever exist,” she pauses, smiling to herself as she kisses her daughter again, “And before you ask,” she says as she starts to walk out of the nursery, “I don’t mean Daddy.”

___

“That was the best Thanksgiving meal I’ve eaten in years,” Roy says as he sets his knife and fork down on his plate, turning his attention to Jessica, “That was delicious, Jess.”

“It was so good Aunt Jessie,” Zachary says, smiling as he sinks back into his chair, making his parents laugh as he rubs his belly, something he’d clearly picked up on someone else doing.

“Thanks, Zach,” she says, smiling at the young boy she considered her nephew just as much as Jack before she turns to Roy, “And thanks Dad, I’ve never cooked a whole turkey before so it was quite the learning curve.”

Aaron smiles as he puts his arm around the back of Emily’s chair, taking a quick peak at Eliza who was fast asleep against her mother’s chest, “We really appreciate you cooking, Jess,” he says, “I don’t think we could have managed it.”

“Oh don’t worry,” she replies, “You have a new baby and have to chase my nephews around, I can handle doing the cooking.”

Roy mutters something under his breath, but Emily doesn’t quite catch it because Eliza starts to cry, the brief reprieve she’d given them so Emily could eat, all be it one-handed whilst she held her daughter, is already over.

“Oh sweetheart,” she says, already moving to stand up so she pace, the movement one of the few things that soothed her, “You’re okay.”

Jack stands up too, beating Aaron to it, as he offers help, always keen to be the best big brother he could be, “Do you need me to go get one of her pacifiers, Mom?”

She sees a flash of something across Roy’s face. It’s an echo of a moment a few years ago when it was Zachary’s first Thanksgiving, his tiny face covered in mashed potato as she tried to wipe him clean, and Jack’s innocent comment aimed at his younger brother, the name Momma slipping past his lips without real meaning. He’d still called her Emily back then, the use of the moniker for his little brother’s benefit more than anything, the then baby on the brink of saying his first word.

Jack had switched to calling her Mom a year ago. It felt like it had happened overnight, something that felt natural and wonderful all at once. He still called her Emily in front of Roy, something she knew he did to prevent his grandfather from getting upset, all of the comments he’d made over the years always lingering in the back of his mind. The empathy her eldest was capable of never failed to blow her away, his kindness so much a part of him that she sometimes worried one day it would be something that people would take advantage of. It’s a slip-up Jack doesn’t even seem aware of, his smile soft as he looks at her.

She looks back at Roy, and watches as Jessica stares at her father, a fierce look in her eyes that has almost no effect.

“That would be lovely, Jack,” Emily says, turning her attention back to her eldest son, wanting him out of the room before anything was said, “The clean ones are in the kitchen,” she says, and Jack nods before he runs out of the room. Emily looks at Zachary. Usually, the frown on his face, the one that made him look identical to Aaron, would make her smile, but it makes her chest get tight, the thought that her son was picking up on the tension in the room enough to make her cry, “Zach-”

Her attempt to get him out of the room, to distract him by suggesting he go to the den and played with his toys, is cut off by Roy.

“What did he call you?” He asks, his jaw tight as he glares at her, and any usual defiance she has against the man is nowhere to be found, the crying of her baby in her arms, the absence of her mother and the usual jibes she’d throw at the man, setting her on edge. “How many times do I have to remind you that you’re not his mother?”

It was something that had come up time and time again over the years. Roy’s desire to keep his daughter's memory alive so misguided he didn’t realise he was going against what she’d wanted - for her son to have exactly what he had now.

“Roy,” Aaron starts, his protective instincts kicking in, but he isn’t given the chance when Emily cuts over him

“You know what, Roy,” Emily says, shaking her head at him, a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob catching in her chest, “I don’t have the energy for this. I need to go feed my baby,” she softens when she smiles at Zachary, “Want to come with me to go feed your sister?”

Zach nods, slipping out of his chair and walking over to his mother, avoiding eye contact with everyone else as he reaches her side. Emily adjusts her hold on Eliza to make sure she’s secure against her with one arm and she reaches down to hold Zachary’s hand. She leads him out of the room and she doesn’t look back.

Aaron wants to follow her, but he knows she wouldn’t want him to, instead, he folds his hands together in his lap and looks at his ex-father-in-law, anger he hasn’t let himself feel in years bubbling in his stomach.

“You couldn’t just leave it alone this year?” Aaron asks, his eyes stern as he stares at Roy, “She lost her mother a couple of months ago.”

“How long has Jack been calling her mom?” Roy asks as if Aaron hasn’t spoken, staring him down. It reminds Aaron of when he was a teenager and accidentally got Haley home after her curfew, the traffic on the way back from the concert they had been to worse than he’d anticipated. Roy was furious, yelling at Aaron for making his daughter late, for making him worry about her, and Aaron had promised it would never happen again, and that he’d always keep Haley safe.

It was a promise he’d broken without meaning to, the shattered pieces of his already tenuous relationship with his once father-in-law destroyed beyond repair.

“For a long time, Dad,” Jessica answers, sighing as Roy turns to look at her, “He’s called Emily his Mom for over a year.”

Roy frowns at his daughter, “You knew?”

She scoffs, “Of course I did,” she says, shaking her head, “I babysit all the kids, I love them all. And unlike you, I can see past my own grief over Haley to see how happy Jack is.”

Aaron smiles gratefully at Jessica and then he sighs as he turns back to Roy, “I know it’s difficult for you. But Jack came to this decision himself, he also wanted to make sure he did his best not to call Emily ‘Mom’ in front of you so he didn’t upset you.”

Roy all but growls, his frustration clear, “She is not his-”

“She is my mom.”

They all turn to look at Jack, the pre-teen standing in the doorway with a pacifier in his hand, his grip on it tight. Aaron stands and steps towards his son.

“Jack-”

“Mom was my mom too,” he says, cutting off his father as he crosses his arms over his chest, “But so is she,” he adds, pointing towards the stairs, “I don’t remember Mom, Grandad,” Jack says, shrugging his shoulders, “I miss her but the only things I know are what you and Dad and Aunt Jess tell me. Emily…Mom is the one I remember. She’s looked after me and she loves me. And that’s what a mom does,” he frowns, seemingly unable to stop now he’s started, the words he’d wanted to say since he was too young to understand them spilling out, “And you have to be nice to her, and to Dad, and to my brother and sister or I don’t want to see you anymore.”

His words settle around them and Roy sighs, “Jack, I’m just trying to make sure no one forgets your mother.”

“But no one has,” he says, furrowing his brow, looking so much like Haley that it makes the three adults in the room ache, “Dad is always telling me about her and you are. And even Mom does even though she only met her a couple of times,” he adds, watching as shock washes over his grandfathers face and he sighs, feeling some of the anger in his chest go away, “She asks Aunt Jess and Dad for stories so she can talk to me about her too.”

Roy looks at Jessica who nods, her lips pressed together, “It’s true.”

He sighs as he shakes his head, “I’m sorry,” he says as he looks at his grandson, “I didn’t know.”

“You never asked,” Aaron says firmly and Roy nods, clearing his throat as he avoids eye contact. Aaron looks at Jack and smiles at him, “Why don’t you go find everyone else? They’re probably in the nursery.”

Jack hesitates for a moment, but he nods, turning and leaving the room as quickly as he’d entered it. Aaron looks over at Roy and sighs, his hands on his hips as he looks him up and down. He’d always allowed his anger when it was aimed towards him, partially because it felt like a punishment he deserved. A penance for failing Haley and by extension Roy, But he also allowed it because he knew Roy was grieving, that he’d lost his daughter in a horrific way.

It didn’t take an FBI profiler to realise he was overcompensating to make sure he didn’t lose anyone else, his anger and his short temper were side effects of so desperately trying to cling on to what he had left of his daughter.

Her memory and her son.

“Look, Roy,” Aaron says carefully, “I can’t imagine how difficult it is, and I know we don’t particularly like each other,” he looks over at Jessica who smothers a chuckle with a fake cough, her eyes on the ceiling as she avoids looking at him, “But we both loved Haley, and we both love Jack. Surely the fact he’s happy, which is what she wanted, should be enough.”

Roy is quiet for a moment before he stands up, blowing out a steady breath as he nods slowly, “You’re right,” he says, clearing his throat, “It should be. And I’ll try to make sure it is going forward.”

Aaron smiles and relaxes a little, some of the tension in his shoulders finally easing, “Thank you.”

Jessica laughs again and shakes her head at herself when both men look at her, their eyebrows furrowed, “I’m so sorry,” she says, clearing her throat, “It’s just…wherever Haley and Elizabeth are right now, I know they would have got such a kick out of Jack telling you off, Dad.”

___

Aaron sighs as he closes the door behind Roy and Jess, briefly leaning his head against it before he makes sure the locks are in place.

“Long day, huh?”

He turns to look at his wife and smiles at her, opening his arms for her to slip into his embrace, “Long day,” he repeats, kissing the top of her head, “Where are the kids?”

“Eliza is sleeping, and Jack is reading Zach a book,” she says, smiling up at him, “So we might have 5 whole uninterrupted minutes to ourselves,” she says with enthusiasm as if she was talking about a lottery win or a luxury cruise, “Want to snuggle until someone needs us for something?”

“With you? Always,” he says, cupping her cheek and leaning in to kiss her before he leads her to the living room. They sit on the couch together and she settles into his side, breathing him in and letting his comfort wash over her, “You ok, sweetheart?”

She shrugs, because she’s really not sure how to answer the question, “I guess. I don’t know. She would have loved watching Jack tell Roy off.”

He chuckles, “Jess said the same thing,” he tilts his head to look at her, “You heard everything?”

She nods, her smile turning sad, “It was sweet. Zach heard too, and he asked me if it meant Jack was his real brother,” she says, her heart aching when Aaron sighs, his eyes closing as he shakes his head, “But I reminded him about Haley, how she was Jack’s first mom. He understands it all as best as he can.”

“I wish it was simpler sometimes,” Aaron says as he opens his eyes to look at her.

“I know,” she replies, reaching up and pushing his hair out of his eyes, “But if it was simpler, it wouldn’t be our family.” There’s a cry from upstairs and Emily groans, leaning forward to press her forehead into Aaron’s chest. “That girl is relentless.”

“Wonder where she got that from,” Aaron mutters and Emily pulls back to look at him, her eyes narrowed.

“What did you say?”

“I said, you stay here, I’ll go get her,” he says quickly, kissing her forehead and standing up.

She shakes her head at him as he leaves the room and sinks back onto the couch. She sighs as she looks around the room, her gaze locking on a picture from when Zachary was a baby that is framed and on the coffee table. In it, Elizabeth is sitting down with Jack on her left and Emily on her right, and a tiny little Zachary in her arms.

Emily picks it up and she traces her finger over the edge of it, smiling sadly at her own reflection that she can partially see in the glass. She looks at her mother, at the joy in her eyes, the happiness she would have once joked the woman was incapable of and she chuckles, her vision going blurry as tears gather in her eyes. When she speaks, it’s quiet, a secret just between herself and someone she isn’t even entirely sure is watching.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Mom.”

-x-

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