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ellies-coochiesucker · 1 year

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𝗛𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹!𝗘𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗲 𝗪𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗮𝗺𝘀

Meeting her

You and Ellie meet through Jesse. You and Jesse dated for about a month three years before. He made you realize you were a lesbian.

He invited you to a study group that included; him, Dina, and Ellie.

In the school library, the four sat around the circular table in the center of the room. Jesse being Jesse fucked around the whole session causing the group to get annoyed stares. Dina decided that they should leave.

When you suggested that you guys just reschedule.

Dina told you and Ellie to stay.

....alone

“No, no. You guys stay I've got to get this idiot out of here.” Dina glanced at you guys, sensing some sort of awkwardness. “If it's okay with you guys.”

“Um, yeah, if it's fine with you.” Ellie shrugged as she stared at you.

“Oh. Yeah I don't have a problem.”

Of course, It was awkward between you guys at first but after a while things went smoother. The studying was soon forgotten about once she let it slip that she likes comic books.

Becoming best friends

After the failed study session, you start to hang out with the group more. Always Jesse doing something stupid and you, Dina, and Ellie talk shit about him. You've finally found your people.

Sneaking out to go on late-night drives and you being the only one who doesn't know how to drive. You will get bullied for it believe me.

“Imagine failing Spanish.”

“Imagine not knowing how to drive.” - Jesse

You were tired of the constant abuse from mostly Jesse, so you asked Ellie to teach you how to drive. She agrees.

“You forgot to put on your seat best.”

“Oh - shit, slow down a little.”

“Fuck you ran a red light... it's okay, you’re okay. Everybody makes mistakes. ”

“Maybe drive the speed limit. No... it's alright just try not to go 25 miles over next time.”

“You can go a little faster.”

“You’re doing great, babe”

Babe was something she called you a lot but only when you were alone, which you guys were a lot as you got more comfortable with each other. Not needing Dina or Jesse to make things less awkward anymore.

Going to the library to read comic books for hours.

Taking unexpected pictures of each other.

Having your first sleepover at her house. Dina being jealous that she didn't get an invite.

Ellie complaining about her job being ass, wishing you were with her.

You getting hired at her job a month and a half later.

You guys making everything a two-person job.

Sending songs that remind you of each other.

your song that reminded you of her

“Why does this song remind you of me?”

“Idk...this song kinda reminds me of hope and then I think about...you...i guess.”

Dating her

Everyone at school already thought you guys were dating, since Ellie isn't nice to anyone. Not even her own friends sometimes.

how she asked you out:

Ellie was a sweaty mess. She was currently in her room, pacing from one side to the other, as Dina and Jesse watched from her bed.

“Oh my god! What if she says no? I'll fucking die of embarrassment .” She tugged the sides of her hair.

“Ellie calm down.” Dina moves from the bed to her friend. She pushes Ellie’s hands away from her hair, fixing the few strands that were out of place. “She’s gonna say yes. She’s basically in love with you. You're gonna be fine.”

“Yeah, you're all she talks about. Seriously I'm sick of it.” Jesse groaned recalling all the times you would bring up Ellie in a conversation. Her doing the same.

This made Ellie feel a little better.

They heard a knock before the door opened revealing yourself. “Hey, guys! I brought cookies for movie night.” You raised the plastic bag in your hands giving Ellie a big grin.

“Actually, I think I'm coming down with something.” She let out a fake cough and grabbed Jesse’s hand. “Jesse is just gonna take me home.”

“But what about movie night? I bought cookies.” You gave a pout, holding up the bag again.

“Next time I promised.” She and Jesse left.

“Well, I guess it's just us.” You smiled at Ellie. “Yeah, just us.” She wiped her sweaty palms on her pants.

“I - um” Ellie cleared her throat. “I got you something.”

Ellie took a deep breath before going behind her bed to fetch the gift. You let out a gasp as you saw the big bucket of lego flowers, a couple definitely from different lego sets. “I made these for you.”

“Ellie they’re beautiful.” You came closer to her picking a few flowers out of the bucket. “How long did this take?” You placed the flowers back, taking the whole pail from the girl. “About 15 hours. It took me all day.” She said like it was no big deal. “What the hell! Are you not exhausted?”

“I am but it was worth it for the girl I like.”

“The girl you like?”

“Yeah.” She fiddled with her fingers, staring at her socks.

“Me?”

“....yeah”

“So is this movie night...like a date?”

“...if you want it to be.”

Since Ellie didn't have a tv in her room, she used her computer. You both snuggled close, Ellie letting you pick the movie.

Pitch Perfect is what you decided on. Ellie complains, not wanting to watch this movie for the hundredth time.

Ellie watched with amazement as you quoted almost every line.

“Ellie watch the movie.”

“Right...Sorry.”

You don't know when you fell asleep but you woke up to multiple text messages and missed calls from your mother.

“OH SHIT, ELLIE.” You screamed gripping your phone to see that it was 2 am. “WHAT!WHAT!” She scrambled from the bed, you doing the same. “I have to get home!” You slipped on your shoes before grabbing your bucket of flowers.

“Okay. I'll take you home.” She attempted to rub the sleepiness from her face. She tripped a bit trying to put on longer pants and put on her shoes.

All of a sudden Ellie’s door blasted open to reveal Joel....with a bat? “Why does he have a bat?”

“I don't know.”

After a little communication, Joel decided to take you home. Ellie road in the back of Joel’s truck not wanting you to be alone. You guys held hands ── just because it was cold of course ── trying to stay awake.

“I'll walk you inside.” Ellie told you as she grabbed the bucket of flowers. “Ok.” You said your goodbyes to Joel and got out of the truck and onto your front porch.

“Thank you for the flowers and the movie night.” You beamed as you stared into her tired eyes. “I had fun.”

“I'm glad.” She eagerly nodded, not knowing what to do next.

There was 30 seconds of awkwardness, neither of them how to take the first move.

“Fuck it.” You mumbled under your breath. You gently placed your hands on Ellie’s cold face but was quickly heating up from her blushing. You both closed your eyes and leaned in until your lips are locked. Ellie’s grip on the bucket loosens almost causing her to drop it as the kiss quickens in pace.

The two were startled and pulled away from each other by Joel honking his horn. Ellie turned to the truck to give Joel a fast glare before turning back around to you.

“I gotta go sorry.” She gave an apologetic gaze. She handed you the bucket.

“It's okay. I'll see you tomorrow.” You kissed her on the cheek. “Good Night.”

“Good night.” She hesitantly walked back to Joel’s truck.

Two weeks later she asked you to be her girlfriend.

you guys as girlfriends

Her always bringing you snacks for lunch because you refuse to eat that despicable school lunch.

“You got her those dry-ass sugar cookies.” Jesse groaned watching you eat your cookies. Ellie, who had her arm wrapped around your shoulder, rolled her eyes at his statement. She also hated the dry cookie with, in her opinion, too much frosting. But her girlfriend loves them so, of course, she’ll get them for you. “Shut the fuck up. You're just jealous that you have to eat the gross school food.”

You and Ellie have one class together. The entire period consists of you not doing your assignment, but instead watching trashy reality tv shows, and Ellie having to keep you on track, failing most of the time.

Sometimes she just ends up taking your test for you. The teacher never walks around during testing so who cares?

You have to force Ellie to eat. Before you guys meet she would forget to eat all day and wonder why she felt so bad the next day.

“El, do you wanna get some food?”

“No thanks, I just eat.”

“What’d you eat?”

“A bagel.”

“Ellie that was this morning. And we shared half of it.”

“Oh.”

a little argument you guys got into:

“El, my love, do you wanna go get ice cream?”

“I'm not really in the mood for it but I can still take you, babe.”

“I don't want ice cream if you're not gonna get ice. I’d feel bad.”

“Don’t feel bad I just don’t want any. I can still get you some.”

“No, I don't want ice cream anymore.”

“Babe let's not do this. I'll just have some of your ice cream.”

“No, I want my own ice cream.”

“I thought you didn't want ice cream.”

“Not if you don't want any.”

“Oh, my god.”

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sweetteaandpie · 2 months

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it's friday night and my niles/cc headcanon wants to come out and play. i can't get these two out of my head.

i imagine they're still married 25 years later, both of them with silver hair and dressed impeccably. when they married, some of cc's upper-crustiness rubbed off on niles, but only in a superficial way. she still wears chanel, dior, givenchy, versace, and looks sharp in her skirts and pantsuits with jewellery. niles' wardrobe is more or less the same except more expensive. i imagine he is recovering from hip replacement surgery, which fran contributes to niles' inability to keep his hands off his wife. he doesn't refute this, but he does tell her that cc gives as good as she gets. fran tells him he doesn't need to paint a picture.

cc and niles are back in new york, having hated california. they moved back just before becoming parents to identical twin girls. they wrote their own joke when they came out as brunettes, and their mother had to pretend not to know where the brunette genes came from. it is niles' longest running joke and even the twins, who are now 24, occasionally like to tell people they have "mummy's hair."

the twins are quite unlike their parents and cc blames this fact on the "hippie forest school" niles insisted on sending them for their elementary education where she claims they learned to tie-dye before learning to read. cc had wanted a prep school, but niles insisted on a waldorf education. cc eventually gave in, partly because niles was very convincing with his mouth and hands, and partly because deep down, she was miserable and alone in her own educational experience. she did wish niles had found a better compromise, rolling her eyes when the parents' orientation at the twins' school provided a vegan, gluten-free (and booze-free *gasp*) spread. she threatened her husband and threw him her best glares, but he promised to do that thing she really liked in the hot tub that night, so she let it be.

the twins grew and their parents doted on them, even and especially their mother. and they absolutely adored her. they think she is so funny, even though she isn't trying to be. twin #1 is a pansexual vegan in law school who once chained herself to a tree to protest cutting down the rainforest. cc was upset that her "lesbian" daughter wouldn't let her throw a coming out party and niles had to run interference. she had pouted about it for weeks, even saying she didn't mind twin #1 was vegan. coming out parties are so passé, twin #1 claimed. niles reminded cc that twin #1 was going to law school so she could defend her mother against future lawsuits from terrified choreographers, thus saving her money. niles reminded twin #1 of the 33-hour labour her mother was in to have her and her sister...and the drugs wore off during delivery. twin #1 offered to have a low key celebration at home where her parents could celebrate their "lesbian" daughter. "pansexual, mummy!" twin #1 would exclaim exasperatedly with a shadow of a smile on her mouth.

twin #2 attended her mother's alma mater, bryn mawr, but ended up being a yoga teacher-reiki master-massage therapist-ukulele teacher. she's currently taking a herbalism course and experimenting with aquaponics. she lives in a queer collective in brooklyn, sharing a house with 7 other people. cc keeps trying to give her money, but twin #2 is adament about making her own way. she did a couple of years in the peace corps, where she picked up an interest and talent for survival skills. she met bear grylls once and it was the highlight of her year.

though cc loves her family, she still finds great pleasure in terrifying chorus boys and making choreographers cry. she has headed her own production company since returning to new york after the very brief stint in california. she has been on countless magazine covers, has done dozens of interviews, received a gracie award and a few tonys (more than maxwell), as well as is a frequent guest lecturer for NYU theatre classes, putting the fear of god in all the students. she has good instincts and brains and broadway has taken notice. when maxwell moved back to new york from california a few years after leaving, he wanted to merge his company with cc's and bring her back onboard. she said no.

niles has become a writer. since marrying the love of his life, his writing has been described by critics as truly beautiful, inspirational, and creative. he writes plays and has a column in the new york times called "are you being served?" (pun intended). a few years back, he wrote a book of poetry under a pseudonym and it was a best seller. it made the new york times' best seller list for four months straight. reviews called it "erotic," a "love story for the ages," and a "gorgeous love letter."

it was all about cc.

fran read it and told him cc was a lucky lady. he'd responded that he was the lucky one.

they still throw zingers at one another, and the twins have come to appreciate a particularly good one, but they largely stay out of it. in high school, when going through a particularly difficult phase of behavioural challenges, they experimented with throwing them at their parents. however, their parents, being pros, ate them up and spit them out, making the twins wish they hadn't even bothered.

cc is currently taking some time off to help niles do rehab for his new "magical hip."

"baby, does this make me old?" he asked her, feeling self-conscious of the walker he temporarily uses to get around due to his hip replacement surgery.

"yes, but you've been old for 40 years, so this is nothing new."

"my hip is new."

"maybe i should get something new to go with it."

"you could use a facelift," he deadpanned. "sorry. old habits."

she leaned over and gave him a loving kiss, making promises of all the things they're going to do once he's healed

that's all for tonight, but they live rent-free in my head, so there's bound to be more.

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angstintensifer · 4 months

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The Infinity watch as incorrect quotes.

Gamora: Pip is late again.

Drax: How did this happen? I called them at 8 o’clock this morning and pretended it was 11.

Adam: I printed up a fake schedule for them saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.

Heather: I set their clock to say PM when it’s really AM.

Gamora: Oh boy. We may have overdone it.

*Pip bursts through the door* Pip: WHAT TIME IS IT?

Heather: Look guys, I need help.

Drax: Love help?

Pip: Financial help?

Adam: Emotional help?

Gamora: Help moving a body?

*Everybody looks at Gamora*

Gamora: What?

Pip, about Gamora and Adam: My god, would you two just get a room already?

Adam: Excuse me, Pip?

Pip: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding?

Gamora: ...

Heather: I ship it!

Drax: CAN YOU NOT?

Gamora: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Adam and I are dating.

Adam, Heather, Pip, and Drax: *gasp*

Gamora: Adam, why are you surprised?!

Gamora: Time for plan G.

Heather: Don’t you mean plan B?

Gamora: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Pip: What about plan D?

Gamora: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Drax: What about plan E?

Gamora: I’m hoping not to use it. Adam dies in plan E.

Adam: I like plan E.

Pip: Hey, what have you two been doing?

Heather: we were helping Gamora with her wedding vows and we were kicked out of her house for making it inappropriate.

Drax: How is “Nice ass, Adam” inappropriate?

Adam: Who the fuck broke the toaster?

Drax: It was Gamora.

Pip: It was Gamora.

Heather: Gamora broke it.

Gamora:

Gamora: ...yOU PROMISED-

Pip: Are we really going to let Heather keep Drax?

Adam: We kept Gamora.

Adam: I didn't drink that much last night.

Pip: You were flirting with Gamora.

Adam: So what? She's my partner.

Pip: You asked if she was single.

Pip: And then you cried when she said she wasn't.

Pip: ....Thou shalt not marry each other, for thy art both sinful...

Gamora: I just wanna fucking marry Adam!!

Gamora, pointing to Adam’s empty room: YOU LET THEM ESCAPE?!?

Pip: I WAS ON BREAK.

Gamora: Something tells me Pip's going to be a bit more unhinged today...

Pip, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Adam isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

Heather: What’s something you guys are better than Gamora at?

Adam: Mario Kart.

Pip: Yeah, video games.

Drax: Emotional vulnerability.

Adam: You're a loose cannon, Gamora.

Gamora: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Pip: I think you play by your own rules.

Heather: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.

Adam: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

Gamora: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Drax is a loose cannon.

Drax: *smashes a chair*

Drax : Fine! Judge all you want but...

Drax , points at Heather : Married a lesbian.

Drax , points at Adam : Left a man at the altar.

Drax , points at Gamora : Fell in love with a gay ice dancer.

Drax , points at

Maxum : Threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire.

Drax , points at Pip : Lives in a box!

Adam : Gamora kissed me!

Maxum : Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Adam : It was unbelievable!

Maxum : Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Pip : Okay, we wanna hear everything. Maxum , get the wine and unplug the phone. Adam , does this end well or do we need tissues?

Adam : Oh, it ended very well.

Maxum : Do not start without me! Do not start without me!

Pip : Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?

Adam : Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.

Pip : Ohh... So, okay, were they holding you? Or were their hands on your back?

Adam : First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.

Maxum and Pip : Ohhh.

*meanwhile* Gamora eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed them.

Heather : Tongue?

Gamora : Yeah.

Drax : Cool.

Pip : If I fall…

Adam : I’ll be there to catch you.

Heather : *looks at Drax * What if I fall?

Drax : Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side.

Maxum : *watches these two interactions*

Maxum , to Gamora : And if I fall?

Gamora : I’ll be the one who pushed you.

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Adam: So, Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Maxum: ...I did.I broke it.

Adam: No, no you didn't. Drax?

Drax: Don't look at me. Look at Heather.

Heather: What?!I didn't break it.

Drax: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Heather: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Drax: Suspicious.

Heather: No, it's not!

Pip: If it matters, probably not, but Gamora was the last one to use it.

Gamora: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Pip: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Gamora: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Pip!

Maxum: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Adam.

Adam: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Drax: Adam... Gamora’s been awfully quiet.

Gamora: REALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

Adam, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Adam: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Adam: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Thanos: Adam , what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Adam: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

Thanos: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Pip.

Adam: Yo is Thanos sleeping or dead?

Gamora : Hopefully dead, I hated their guts.

Pip : Yeah, so did I.

Thanos: Okay first of all, fuck you-

Adam: *Gently taps table*

Gamora : *Taps back*

Pip : What are they doing?

Heather: Morse code.

Adam: *Aggressively taps table*

Gamora : *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

Adam: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

Gamora : ... Your what?

Adam: My friends.

Pip: Are they saying “friends”?

Heather: I think they're being sarcastic.

Drax: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Adam! All of your friends are in this room.

Adam: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

Adam: I think we're missing something.

Gamora : Teamwork?

Pip: Cohesion?

Heather : A general sense of what we’re doing?

Adam, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Gamora , pulling out an Uno card: +4

Pip, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

Heather, trembling: What are we playing

Adam: You have to apologize to Maxum

Gamora: Fine.

Gamora: unfuck you or whatever

Drax: Hey Adam ,

Adam : Yes?

Drax: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

Adam :

Adam : Where’s Pip?

Gamora : If you want my advice-

Heather : No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times.

Gamora : First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, they’ve also tried to kill me.

Adam : It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.

Adam , holding a rock: Gamora just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock".

Pip : If you don't marry her, I will.

Adam , pointing at Heather : Are they a Freak (derogatory)?

Adam , pointing at Phyla : Or a Freak (affectionate)?

Gamora : Why not both?

Adam , to Gamora : You’re so right, Freak (double-edged sword)!

Heather : Why is Adam crying on the floor?

Phyla : They're drunk.

Heather : And?

Phyla : They saw a picture of Gamora 's spouse. Heather : But they're Gamora 's spouse.

Phyla : I know.

Adam : *sees Phyla and Heather together*

Adam : They're cute. I would put them on a boat.

Gamora : You mean... you ship them?

Adam : I love you. Gamora : I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

*Adam and Gamora kiss passionately*

Pip , to Drax : You owe me 20 dollars

Gamora : That's ridiculous, Adam doesn't have a crush on me.

Heather : Yes they do.

Pip : Yes they do.

Adam : Yes I do.

Heather : Why do you look like that?

Adam , laying face-first on the floor: Like what?

Heather : Like you’re dead.

Adam : It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish.

Pip: Adam accidentally called Gamora “babe” in front of everyone today.

Adam : *sobs into the floor*

Phyla : *about Adam and Gamora * They make a cute couple, huh?

Heather : They certainly are standing next to each other.

Heather : The floor is lava!

Phyla : *helps Adam onto the counter*

Peter: *kicks Gamora off the sofa*

Gamora : *lays on the floor*

Mantis : ... Are you okay?

Gamora : No.

Pip : Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.

Heather : It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...

Gamora : Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

Adam : My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.

Peter: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.

Phyla : Mental stability, my old friend!

Pip : Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

Heather : What's worse than a heartbreak?

Pip : Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging.

Drax : Waking up in the morning.

Adam : Waking up.

Gamora : Waking up in the morning...

Gamora : And seeing Maxum.

Maxum: Hey! Rude!!

Adam: Stressed.

Gamora : Depressed.

Maxum: Possessed.

Heather : Obsessed.

Pip : Impressed.

Drax : Chicken breast.

Everyone: ...What?

Drax : I just wanted to join in.

#marvel #Warlock and the infinity watch #adam warlock #Pip gofern #gamora #heather douglas #phyla vell #peter quill #drax the destroyer #marvel comics #marvel incorrect quotes #Infinity watch my beloved #thanos #Gamora x Adam Warlock #Adamora #Phyla vell x Heather Douglas #Phylaheather #Mantis marvel

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cowboyjen68 · 2 years

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Hey Jen. I need some advice. I really like this girl she’s so charming and funny and witty and gorgeous etc etc etc the only problem is she lives really far and said she wanted to take things slow. I said I would too and I’m still trying to but I feel myself falling real hard for her. I wear my heart on my sleeve it’s hard for me to hide how I feel. She said she “really likes me” too but I’m worried that she’s gonna see how hard and fast I’m falling and that’s gonna scare her away. I’m willing to wait for her and let her take all the time she needs to figure it all out she has mentioned us getting serious but as of the past few days she’s been more brief with me. I don’t know what do to do or what to think! -a lovesick lesbian

Love is this weird feeling that can grow over time to be steady and deep and it can also grab hold of you immediately and before you know what hit you, you can't imagine living without a particular women.

One day you are fine and enjoying the dating and the next you feel like crying when you are apart and when you see her you get warm and excited all over.

The fuzzy, giddy feeling is kind of normal for a new relationship, especially when you really share a connection and even more so if the physical passion is mutual and intense.(everything from sweet kisses to sex). I don't think you are falling any harder than any other woman who really likes a woman she is dating.

The beginning of any relationship often has over whelming feelings of happiness, excitment and then a little panic about "what if I loose her" This is all pretty normal.

Taking things slow does not necessarily mean you can’t express that you really like her and are very much enjoying time spent with her or that you can’t let her know you feel a very intense connection. It can mean don’t plan on moving in or don’t count on daily long texts or assured dates every weekend. Life is busy and pressure that she HAS to see you or text late into the night can be over whelming and exhausting.

At the end of the day you can’t keep her if she is not feeling the same way you are and no matter if you step back or express your thoughts, if she is on a different level there is nothing you can do. You can’t blame yourself or second guess every move you make because you can’t control her. She will do what she will do.

Mutual attraction is important but so is being on the same page, at least in terms of intensity. She needs to want you as badly and you deserve someone who does. You can give her space but please don’t be hard on yourself if she still backs away. I promise, no matter how much you like her you will be okay (and better off) if she makes the decision to not pursue a relationship. It will not be your attraction for her that makes call it off, if will lack of hers to you and you can’t do anything about that.

If you are unable to talk with her about your feelings, ideas, and thoughts for fear of scaring her then that is another sign that perhaps she is just not going to be a good fit. IF she is able to sit and talk about her boundaries and where you at that is a good thing. Expectations are important so you both can know the details of “taking it slow”. Having those laid out clearly can help you both feel less foggy about how things work between the two of you.

#dating #lesbian #love #new love #going slow

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faggot-friday · 2 years

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In Every Shade of Purple // Sophiana

written for @constant-sapphic-breakdown's birthday gift!!! Art will be posted later btw

summary: Sophiana wedding !!!

trigger warnings: swearing, sex mention. lmk if there's anything else

other notes: they/them demi biro Sophie, ae/aer lesbian Biana, it/its afab Keefe, he/him afab Fitz, xe/xem Dex, she/her Amy, she/her asexual Stina, genderfluid Maruca (uses he/they/ce near the beginning, and then they/she near the end). Dex x Keefe x Fitz, implied four horsegirls. I drop my url. Harli hates them but there's puns. This is literally pure fluff lol

word count: 1.7K

......

Sophie tugged on their tie and swallowed. “I’m so fucking nervous.”

Amy elbowed her. It was gentle by Amy standards, but it was going to leave a bruise by Sophie standards.

“Relax, Soybean,” she said. “You’ll be fine.”

“What if I trip on the way?”

“Then get up and make sure you don’t crinkle this suit. It cost a fortune. You really went all-out.”

“I just want it to be perfect.”

Because if it wasn’t as perfect as ae was, then what was the point?

Amy rolled her eyes and moved towards the full-length mirror, admiring herself. “I don’t usually wear suits like this, but dang, I look sexy.” She pursed her lips and examined herself from every angle.

Dex placed one hand on Sophie’s shoulder and smiled reassuringly. “You’ll be fine, Sophie. I can guarantee it.”

“What if ae backs out? What if ae thinks we’re just platonic buddies?”

Dex laughed. “I promise you, Soph. Ae loves you romantically as much as you love aer, also romantically.”

Sophie looked up at xem. “How can you be certain?”

“I can see it in aer eyes every time you enter a room.”

Sophie smiled slightly. They could imagine it. It was cute. Then again, everything about Biana was cute.

“Are you ready?” xe asked them.

Fitz did up the final button on his jacket and smiled teasingly. “You better be. You’ve been talking non-stop about this for weeks.”

Sophie laughed. “I’m not ready. But I’m going there anyway. Not much of a choice. It’s all paid for.”

“There’s that can-do attitude,” Amy said sarcastically. “Hurry up, or ae’ll leave you at the altar.”

“Ae won’t leave you at the altar,” Dex reassured them upon seeing their pale face, shooting a glare at Amy. Amy held up her hands in surrender, not looking at all sorry. “But we do need to hurry.”

“Should I tuck in my tails?” Sophie pulled at the tails of the suit jacket.

“You don’t want everyone to think you’re not weird,” Amy said. “That’s basically lying. Dex, gogogo. You’re first.”

Dex kissed Sophie on the forehead. “You’re gonna do great.” Then xe left, Fitz following with awkward finger guns directed at them. He went red and moved away faster.

“Geez, Dexter, this isn’t a spelling bee,” Amy said. “Alright, girlboss. Off you go.” She pursed her lips. “Not a girlboss. A gayboss.”

“Gaslight gatekeep gayboss?” Sophie laughed.

Amy handed Sophie the bouquet. “Gaslight gaetkeep gayboss. Ha! Puns!” She pushed Sophie towards the door. “Now, get out there and gayboss. Kiss some women!”

“Kissing women is something I can’t fuck up in, at least.”

Amy left Sophie with a muttered “you’d be surprised” and a lot of scared thoughts before they were standing in the sun, facing Biana and aer lot.

……

Keefe held a dress up against its body. “I think I look hot. Do you think I look hot?”

“Yes,” Fitz said, at the same time Biana answered, “I think we should change the colour a bit.” They looked at each other.

“You shouldn’t even be here,” Biana said to him.

“I’m your emotional support sibling,” Fitz said. “Here for any hugs you could ever want.”

“You’re bony.”

“And you just stand there stiffly. The perfect blend of pain and uncomfortableness.”

“Lighten up, Vackers,” Maruca said. “Biana, do we really have to wear dresses?”

“We offered to all of you to be either on Sophie’s side with the suits, or my side with the dresses. And you chose accordingly.” Biana looked at her. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“Feeling masc right now,” Maruca said. “He/they/ce. And when I’m more masc, I feel… bleugh, in dresses. You feel?”

Biana didn’t get much dysphoria, which was something that seemed to constantly confuse aer brother, who had loads. “Nope. I do not feel. Nor do I understand your dysphoric struggles.”

“I feel,” Fitz said. “And yeah, it’s painful having to do that. I’m sure we can get a suit for you and choose which side you’re on.”

“You can swap with Amy, if you need to be over there,” Biana suggested.

“Or you can go naked,” Stina said.

“I’m not going naked,” Maruca said flatly.

Keefe picked up another dress and compared them. “You want to see Maruca naked? That’s a bit gay.”

Stina didn’t show any sign of embarrassment. “I don’t get off on nudity. Or anything, for that matter.”

“Ah, right. Sorry. I will not allow my allosexual ignorance to show again.”

“Good.”

Biana laughed.

Keefe turned to face the overall group. “The one on the left or the one on the right?” It held each up as it spoke. “The one on the left I think is prettier, but it also shows off quite a bit of cleavage, and I don’t want to take Sophie’s gaze away from the wife-to-be.” It winked. “This other one is more my colour, but it has lace. Lace, Bee. Do you know —”

“Yes, Keefe, I know about your issues with lace,” Biana sighed. “Wear the one that shows your tits. Sophie’s not going to be looking at you.”

“Dex and Fitz are,” Maruca muttered. Fitz’s face went bright red, and he tore his eyes away from Keefe.

Keefe didn’t look at all ashamed. “Well, it’s their rights as dating me. I’d stare at their tits, too, if they had any.”

Fitz’s face returned to its normal colour. “You know not-binding gives me dysphoria.”

“I do know that. I wasn’t shaming you for it.”

“Sure sounded like it.”

“Keep your bickering for when I’m not here,” Biana sighed. “You’re gonna make my ears bleed.”

Fitz muttered an apology. Keefe didn’t look ashamed. Keefe never seemed to be ashamed of anything.

“So, what colours are we going for?” Stina asked. “Like, I know we’re all in blue, but what about that lot? And the whole thing? Is it just all blue?”

“That lot are in red,” Biana supplied. “And… we have an idea of the whole thing. But it’s all hush-hush.”

Keefe wrapped its arms around Stina’s neck and pressed one finger to her lips. “You heard the woman. Hushies.”

Stina slapped it.

……

Sophie watched Dex and Fitz walk forward. Fitz’s face went bright red at the sight of Keefe in its dress. Sophie didn’t feel the same. They’d gotten over their fleeting crush on “the Keefester” all the way back in middle school. Also, tits in general were kind of average. Demisexual moment, they supposed.

Amy gently (Amy standards gentle) shoved Sophie forward. They stumbled slightly but straightened quickly, making sure no one had seen. Their adoptive parents, Grady and Edaline Ruewen, waved at them. Grady was crying. Edaline poked her tongue out cheekily.

Sophie stepped forward, trying not to stare at Biana in aer dress too much. Ae was… ae was breathtaking. Ae was also not even attempting to hide the fact that ae was staring. Maruca (who was wearing a pronoun pin on their dress that said “they/she”) reached around Keefe and gently punched aer, saying something Sophie couldn’t hear. Ae smacked them back.

Sophie stumbled three more times and fell flat on their face once more (was the walkway thing really that long? How did they overlook that design flaw? They hate walking), just as they had feared. Take that, Amy. Imagine being wrong.

Sophie stepped up next to Biana. Keefe rested its chin on their shoulder.

“Hi,” it whispered as the ceremony started. “I like how you put Biana’s lot on your side. Contrasting the blue with the red.”

Sophie shushed it. It pulled back and mussed up their hair.

They read out their stuff. Biana told the story of how they met. Sophie hated that day. All they wanted was a haircut, but noo, they had to have the prettiest girl they’d ever seen as their hairdresser and accidentally make the entire interaction NSFW. They were acespec, for goodness sake!! How could they slip up like that!

Sophie, like the cringe-fail nerd that they were, announced they had a poem, before proceeding to read out a limerick. They wouldn’t be able to remember the limerick later, but they would remember the way Biana’s eyes lit up as ae doubled over laughing.

The ceremony continued with more talking Sophie didn’t pay much attention to. Keefe nudged them after the limerick and praised them to the skies. Quietly.

“You look nice,” Biana said towards the end.

“Thank you. You also look nice,” Sophie responded

Biana nodded. “This is a little awkward.”

Sophie nodded. “Oh, by the way, you still owe me a blowjob from when we first met.”

Biana let go of Sophie’s hands to cover aer mouth, but Sophie could still hear aer laughter. “Sexually attracted to me, are you, Foster?”

“No, but maybe one day. I thought it was funny.”

“It was a bit. Not gonna bang me on our wedding night?”

“We can watch gay movies instead.”

“I might be allosexual, but that sounds so fucking good.”

Sophie smiled.

“And now,” the officiator said, “you may kiss the —” she paused. “Shit. Bride? Groom?”

“Depends who you’re talking to,” Sophie said. “If you’re talking to me, you could say wife. Biana’s female.”

“I’m talking to aer, though. And you’re nonbinary, right?” Sophie nodded.

“Well, is there a neutral term for bride or groom?” Dex said from beside Amy.

“I’m only here because you’re paying me,” the officiator said. “I literally have no clue.”

“You may now kiss the… lesbian?” Biana suggested.

“I’m bi,” Sophie said.

“You may now kiss the bisexual person doesn’t have quite the same ring to it,” Keefe piped up.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Stina muttered. “Shut the fuck up and kiss already! I want my vodka.”

“Yeah,” the officiator said, staring at Stina with a frown. “That.”

And Sophie laughed, and Biana laughed too, and then Sophie leaned down slightly, shut the fuck up as Stina had so kindly phrased, and kissed aer. And ae kissed them back.

“I love you,” ae murmured against their lips. And Sophie responded in the same starstruck tone, winding their arms around aer waist, as Dex cheered, and Amy told Stina she could have her vodka, and Maruca muttered “finally” and went off to find their other partners, and Grady cried harder, and Keefe shouted “bit gay, innit”, and confetti and glitter exploded around them, coating them both in every shade of purple.

And neither of them had ever been happier than they had in that moment.

#sophiana #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #happy birthday to jordi and your art is coming soon!!!

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thevampirearchive · 1 year

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Twilight Thoughts (ranting again)

The thing is, if Stephanie had wanted to make a third book, i.e eclipse, - which was unnecessary, boring and weird, we could have had some type of unhinged plot twist where Charlie is revealed to be a Werewolf (unknowingly) and Bella is one too, but due to them being separated from their pack, they've never turned. That could for one explain why Edward and Aro can't read her thoughts, not why Alice can see her future... Also why Charlie's only friends are literal wolves and why he is team Jake (please Billy probably knows he's a werewolf but hasn't shifted and most likely never will). The scene of her scent was giving disgust and perhaps that should have been a hint too, but since she is not 100% one, it could explain why he got used to it (and I bet vampire's feeding on a werewolf is a different experience due to their blood probably being even better)

Bella being a female wolf would also explain her intense 'I feel at home with the black's' and that extreme loyalty to Jake. They were good friends but to consider your baby to be named E.J Junior is so unhinged. This girl looked Jake in the eyes and said her wedding was completed/perfect now that he had showed up... bestie, what?

As said, Eclipse was unnecessary. It was for the Team Jacob girlies because someone unfamiliar with the franchise would have been able to go from New Moon to breaking dawn. All that would need to be explain would be - where is Victoria (which I will get to later) The vampire army is nowhere near New moon, so a whole new plot point for what?

The plot that is Victoria's revenge is so.... human. I don't know what Vampire would go to this length to kill a HUMAN because Edward killed James ??? Most vampire media emphasis heavily on the fact that death being so common means the girlies either move on with ease, stay mad but still keep it pushing or they take themselves out. My VC girlies will know that despite Lestat and Armand's hatred for each other, the two probably send each other Christmas gifts with letters of how much they hate each other, but also Happy Christmas hope your well. Vampires circles aren't big, so to be out here full blown trying to go to war is so pointless and I would have enjoyed Victoria moving on, wait for Bella to be a vampire and THEN been her sworn enemy that occasionally have drinks over 'the good ol' days'. To be alive for an eternity and still bitter over a man (james) who disregarded the 7 against 2/3 ods is wild. Vic, I want better for you. Bonus; The volturi never catching wind or ending things was so weird. What's the point of a Vampire Coven if they only arrive after the battle? what are they? the police, come on...

The scene with Laurent is the most sensible vampire thing this movie has had. He wanted to mercy kill her because he knew a life of being chased would probably be worst then him just eating her (vampire logic is my favorite) and he was even willing to make it pain free. It's not like he was being cruel in my eyes, he genuinely things that is a better option then to face Victoria's wrath, and I cannot say I do not agree -- I just wished her option could be getting turned.

Bella would have never married Edward if it wasn't for the promise of vampirism. I do believe she loved him, but I also believe Stephanie and her religion had to come first. It's funny because I doubt any Mormon knows of twilight and approves, so why not just go all the way and - Make the 3 MC's (it is a stretch to call Jake that but we were force-fed this dude so I may as well) a Poly couple, especially after showing that Jake and Edward basically want to bang (my interpretation. I have never seen people loath each other yet be 2 inches away every argument, kiss already) - Not have Bella enter a weird 'I am a feminine female' era, and leave her to be the Buch flannel lesbian she was written as. She gives such overwhelming male energy, and Edward gives such overwhelming female energy, it is fun to watch them. - Have Charlie know about the vampires & werewolves already in New Moon. I do not know where the Charlie disrespect came from but it needed to stop, he's one of the 3 main-best dads.

Jasper's character was irrelevant and only served the purpose of training them on how to kill new-borns. Why doesn't Carlisle know that? Isn't he from the 15th Hundreds? Has he never faced similar problems?.

Alice power is wack, she can predict the future but it is not something she can control? (much like Aro, Jane, Edward etc can) It changes depending on if the person changes their mind (???) and she only sees it right before it will happen? How did she see that Bella was going to be a vampire but never predicted pregnancy? or that Bella was find after her diving? or who the new borns were? Why is her power's so inconsistent, complicated and in somewhat useless? Stephanie should have instead combined Jasper and Alice power (mood manipulation and short sighted visions that allowed her to at least see a bit ahead, none of that 'I see far out but also what is right Infront of me is a blur', it could have been explained with her possibly being heavily affected by the mood's of those around her, and that is why she is able to manipulate it)

The volturi arch should have been much larger, because we finally see how much stronger vampires they are (and that exist in the world besides the Cullen) but they are the representation of the Catholic Church so of course they have to appear useless and evil lol come on Stephanie, leave your faith at the door and give us a masterpiece how you did with Twilight and New Moon!

Imprinting would have been fine if the premise was Soul Mates and feelings are reciprocated, but it is only activated at a certain age (much like werewolves only realizing what they are at a certain age) or if it wasn't 10/10 times explained as ending romantically. If the audience (us) were shown and told that imprinting has resulted in just being best friends or happened amongst family member (tighter bond), we would not have been throwing up audibly. But no, they have the imprint gang laughing and kissing at the beach, then pan over to Embry and the toddler... like please how did no one in that writer's room for the movies (or an editor) ask Stephanie if she was okay in the head. The scene of Renaissance and Jake on the beach watching a sunset? baby is 6 second old and they already about to make out, please someone cut the cameras.

No one knowing vampire's and humans can procreate is so... weak. Especially when a vampire baby HAS BEEN BORN, I just know Carlisle was beating himself up about not worrying. This would have never happened if Bella had been turned before. I do not see why they needed to wait.

Lastly, Bobo should have been casted as Jake - I do not understand why he needed to be ripped to shreds at 15-16, when the other pack-members looked regular/strong. Bobo fit the description better. imo, and isn't a white man. But he is much younger then the others/franchise, so they'd have had to have filmed much later in the 2000's... And the cast overall is so good.

#twilight #thoughts #twilight rant #vampire #rant #werewolves

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stratfordwonderr · 2 years

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hello everyone ◡̈

i just came here real quick to let ya‘ll know I‘m still alive. No haha that‘s not the only reason. But I just wanted to say something about me/my life and the things I have been through. Probably nobody will care about this post so it‘s more like a page in my dairy that I want to look back at one day…

Soo it‘s 2022 and I am 25 years old atm. I started my tumblr in 2011 when I was just 14!!! years old like WOW. Puberty had just set in, my parents just got divorced, I just realized I‘m into girls.. you can imagine it was an emotional rollercoaster 🤷🏼‍♀️ I started this page because Instagram wasn‘t really a thing yet and I just wanted to see what the world has to offer and I guess I just didn‘t want to feel so alone. I was a Belieber back then (still 100% am), a lesbian (still 100% am) and depressed (which I am not anymore) and that‘s the point why I‘m writing this. I remember falling into depression after my parents divorce. They didn’t split up in a respectful way at all and I was just on my own from then on. It‘s really sad to look back at those years… I know there are still kids feeling like this these days, super helpless and lonely. I wish I could hug all of you but instead I want to give you hope with this. There are people who had it much worse than I did but I just want to say there is a way out, there is hope and it will get better I promise you! I know everyone says that but I‘ve been through it. One day you will be old enough to realize that the love of your parents is nice to have - but you can live without. You will realize life and school would be easier without the bullies - but you can get through it, it won‘t break you. Their words and actions won’t break your brave heart. In fact it will strengthen you! School was hard on me as well but the bullies have made me sooooooo confident you have no idea. I remember on my last day at school I just hit the shit out of one of my bullies and it felt so good I‘d do it again and again lol. My parents are still divorced, my mom married again which was H E L L for me cause I still lived at home until I was 17 years, my step father and my mom were alcoholic, my step father was violent, rude and just an absolute dickhead. I moved out with 17 to free myself and life because even worse for the next 3 years. I felt lonely again, I had to process all the things I went through, I was still a teenager. I didn‘t know what kinda job I wanna do, whatever education I started I couldn’t finish cause I was just so depressed. My family didn’t believe in me anymore they thought I was the disappointment of the family… now that I look back at it all I can say is „damn chill your balls, I was just 17 years old, being depressed for at least 3 years.. instead of being disappointed think about what I had to go through and better think of the help that I could need from yall to find my path“…

When I was 18 I bought my own dog and in some way she really saved me! I love her more than words could ever express and I‘d do anything for her. At 20 I realized that it is okay if I don‘t have a job yet just because others do. I realized that I don‘t need to have my shit together yet. I realized I need therapy, I need medication and I need healing. I realized that I love my mother deeply, I really do but I realized she is the way she is, she will continue to hurt me at times, she will continue toxic behavior but I will not let it get to me anymore. Growing up is so much fun guys. It‘s not in the moments you are hurt but seeing where you have started and how far you have come is just so moving and fun, I‘m actually crying rn because I am so proud of myself wow. I have been through hell but here I am. Kind, gentle, I love to spread love, proud of my sexuality, proud of just me.

Don‘t get me wrong I still have bad days. I still have days where I can’t get out of bed or shower. I still have days where I don’t want to go to work because it stresses and scares me. THATS NORMAL. THAT OKAY. THATS FINE. You are a goddamn human being with feelings!!!! Allow yourself to feel those feelings!! You are allowed to be scared and to take a day off! Make yourself some hot chocolate or tea, grab your blanket and netflix and allow yourself to take a break. :)

In 2020 I got into a relationship which only lasted 7 months but made me age at least 5 years. It was absolute hell, the most toxic thing I’ve ever had to go through and it made me so depressed again. I thought I was only happy if that person was there. I wasn’t happy in the relationship and I didn’t feel like I was getting back what I was giving but their toxic and selfish behavior made me thing my feelings are not valid so I stayed. I cried myself to sleep every other night while I had to hear things like „what are you crying about now?“ „this depressed life you living isn’t for me I wanna be happy“ „you ask for too much“… when I didn’t realize that it was the relationship that made me depressed. On September 22, 2020 I freed myself from that relationship. Today I can say that on this day I was born again. <3

That time was really hard on me but I needed it. As weird as it sounds but I needed it for a fact. I needed to see, hear and feel what I DONT want in my life. I needed to find my own boundaries, my self confidence… and after it ended I also needed to learn how to be alone and not feel like hell. Last year with 24 I finally learned that I don‘t need someone else to make me happy but I can be happy on my own. I realized I do have hobbies and talents, I realized time for myself feels good. I‘m in a relationship again and I am the happiest I have ever been. As a person and in my relationship. I found someone with pure intentions, with a pure heart and soul. Someone who treats me how I deserve it, someone who appreciates my actions and love and someone where I 100% get back what I give. <3 As I said there are still bad days and there are still things I need to learn. I‘m 25 years old and if you think you‘re all grown up then.. no you are not, believe me. You still don‘t know all you need to know. You will still learn a bunch of things, you will change, you will get better, you will heal. Some things that I still wanna get better at are keeping my apartment clean, going to work even on bad days (more often), get my education done (2 more years) and improve my personal hygiene. ♡

I am 25 and I still need to learn, improve, and heal. But I have been through hell on earth and I am just so proud of myself and where I‘ve come from. And I know that you can do it too. It gets better darling, it gets better. <3

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anonymouslymoi · 9 days

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Six weeks. Six weeks to go from nothing to everything back to nothing. Falling hard and fast for something that isn't true love but damn sure felt like it was for what I knew love to be at the time. Beating myself up for this same-sex attraction. Feeling wrong but so right for the first time in my life. A woman on the other side of the world. All of it hidden so deep I didn't even tell my best friend until it was over.

Six weeks of laughter, happiness, confusion, anger, fighting, tears, loss of sleep, toxicity. I was held captive unable to get enough. Is that not the setting for a typical first lesbian relationship? A relationship that never was. Not a dream was dreamt for the future between us because it was never meant to be. I was your secret and you were mine.

Shattered glass. The game was over because you had your fill of pretend. It never dawned on me that I gave love but never received it. Telling me I was more invested in this than you were. The famous 60/40 but you were so glad to be able to visit.

Anger. Raw anger. Anger to the point of seeing crimson because you broke me, picked me back up, kissed me, dropped me again. I was never yours. Before you could finish your promise of keeping it between us your mouth was already opened with the need to confess to her.

You never really loved me. I was some sort of game for you until your real relationship sparked back up. Zero concerns with what your actions have done to me. I was a tool for your revenge to the one who hurt you.

A decade later and still I fear a date on the calender. Fearing it happening again only to breathe on the 4th when it doesn't.

Encouraging me in your sick and twisted ways of finding someone to be with and wanting details. Telling me what to wear and if I spent the night, all the more better. For who? You? You were filled with excitement that I was pretending to be okay as I engaged in mindless conversations and room temperature coffee dates. Do you somehow feel a sense of accomplishment knowing when I tell my story of past loves your name will be there, first in line, forever?

Showing support for a healthier lifestyle in such a competitive way. You tracked me. You coached me. Still so enthralled by you, I wanted more. I ran faster. I ate less. I saw the numbers. You were so fucking proud of me. You were proud of the damage you were continuing to do to me. Blind to the truth I wanted to please you and keep going. Maybe you'd love me if I was perfect.

A tattered friendship as I did eventually find the strength to move on. Move on to others who would add their own scars next to where you left yours. More than a tattoo because it was painful. You watched from the side of the stage as if you were directing it all.

Nothing. It never existed to you. That's fine. It's not, but it is. For me it was the starting point of figuring out what I wanted and what I deserved. Should there have been someone else to have loved me first? Yes. She would have had a lot less damaged version of me. Though I am wise enough to acknowledge I wasn't ready for the love she would one day give me.

I lay you down here. You're not good for me. This chapter doesn't include you. Yes I will still long for the friendship that is not toxic, competitive or leaves me feeling like a failure. I cannot change you. I am done changing myself for you. I will remember the good moments, though few and far between if I am honest, fondly. Your hold is gone.

Leider geil.

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psychreviews2 · 1 month

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This is NOT the Actualism method!

Is this it?

In a world where there's conflict, exploitation and dissatisfaction, the human mind is always looking for freedom. Much of our travel, alcohol, drugs, entertainment, counselling and spirituality is about eliminating this pain with a hope for a permanent freedom. The greatest hook to get anyone to buy something, do something, commit to something, is to promise a better, superior, happiness and freedom. On the Richmond River in Eastern Australia resides a man named Richard, who promises not a real freedom, but an Actual Freedom.

Tradition and experimentation

With the many traditional religions mapping out the route of happiness for all of us, there would naturally be competitors, too numerous to mention. They are ready to find fault and claim that their own philosophies and religions are the final replacement. Along the way, there are disappointments, blind alley's, and confusing abstractions that make new students scratch their heads in disbelief. But there are also new synergies, and perspectives that help refashion the old models into something desired by newer generations. As with all experiments, success happens mostly in small stages, and in insights found in real world applications. The rest turn out to be complete failures.

For all students, it's up to them to make what they will of these different techniques and incorporate them into their own path.

Vineeto

For all spiritual seekers, they start off the same as everyone else. They try goals that their culture sets up for them. For many, following the culture is a life long goal, and it's simply accepted. For others, each cultural option is like a prison that needs to be escaped from. One of these seekers is a woman named Vineeto.

"I have always searched for freedom in my life. Whenever I have felt stranded or trapped I eventually moved in the direction that appeared to offer greater freedom." For Vineeto, marriage led to divorce. Left-wing politics, feminism and lesbianism offered solutions, but they still had the same competition and politics as the other systems they opposed. Meditation provided some relief, but it didn't last. Following Rajneesh the Guru, led to losing the ability to think for oneself. By the time Vineeto encountered a man named Richard in Australia, she "could not, or did not want to, settle for any compromise, for something that did not show success – for anything less than an actual and permanent freedom."

"I came across Richard and found a simple, straightforward method to actually get rid of emotions, instincts, the ‘self’ as well as the illusion of the very big ‘Self’, I was really interested! Here was someone who stated that there was more freedom possible than even enlightenment offered! Having come this far, having explored so many other approaches in my life and moved on when I saw that they failed, I did not want to turn away from this opportunity."

Actualism's Richard

Any talk of getting rid of anything sparks skepticism in a reader, as it should. For some it's not possible to let go of the self, and for others to do that is a lobotomy. People may ask , "why would anyone want to do that to themselves?" Like in Vineeto's example, many people are willing to try alternatives until the search is over.

Richard, a retired baby-boomer, living on a floating retreat on the Richmond River in the Northern Rivers area of eastern Australia, in his sample video clips, appears like a confident Australian guru, with a countenance of Abraham Lincoln, as he progressively convinces his visitors that his method is "eminently superior to anything anyone else has ever lived before."

"The path to Actual Freedom delivers the goods – one progressively eliminates the impediments to one’s happiness and harmlessness incrementally and, as such, one has incremental success. One continually raises the bar to allow more of the perfection and purity of the actual world to become apparent and obvious in one’s life. This process, if undertaken with a sincere intent, will inevitably lead to a virtual freedom.

When one is virtually free from malice and sorrow one goes to bed at night time having had a 99% perfect day, knowing tomorrow will be equally perfect. In virtual freedom the immediate and the actual becomes one’s focus as this is, after all, the only moment I can experience of being alive."

This destruction of the self and social identity, the Self being the most abstract word in spirituality and psychology, raised more questions than answers, and required seekers to try for themselves...but not without a carrot.

The Pure Consciousness Experience (PCE)

Richard curated a list of descriptions of the Pure Consciousness Experience (PCE) on his website to help readers to comprehend "what an actual freedom from the human condition is." He describes his first pure consciousness experience, which is a straightforward template for all other descriptions. "I remember the first time I experienced being the senses only... There was no identity as ‘I’ thinking or ‘me’ feeling ... simply this body ambling across a grassy field in the early-morning light. A million dew-drenched spider-webs danced a sparkling delight over the verdant vista and a question that had been running for some weeks became experientially answered: without the senses I would not know that I exist as this flesh and blood body. And further to this: I was the senses and the senses were me. With this came an awareness of being conscious – apperception – rather than ‘I’ being aware of ‘me’ being conscious."

The following descriptions he chose describe an accessible heaven on earth full of marvelling, appreciation, delight, immersion into the senses, an absence of malice to control what cannot be controlled, an absence of sorrow for losing what cannot be controlled, vibrancy, richness, pleasure in the mundane, freshness, perfection in imperfection, and peace.

Yet this state was very fragile to grasping, boasting, and commentary, which are typical of human behaviour when something profound is uncovered. A testimonial by Rob describes this fragility. "And as quickly and spontaneously and uninvited it came, it left. The ‘me’ wanted to snatch the experience for itself and own it. Possess it. It is so strange to me, that, when it happens, it's so obvious, so clearly the case, you know you can’t lose it – and the second you think that, it's gone. It is like trying to grab a handful of water."

"This is not the Actualism Method!"

Like a teacher that has precise instructions, and language, they hate when students take these tools and use them in ways not intended. Though Richard's abstract website, an attempt to make himself clear, has choices of words that ironically lend themselves to misinterpretation, and misinterpretation is seen as inevitable when students have come from other disciplines, and their particular cultural and psychological backgrounds. There were also questions about Richard himself. Daniel Ingram of The Dharma Overground found that "numerous creepy rumors of unknown accuracy related to him just kept surfacing, things that again and again just didn't seem to add up totally with what he had claimed. There were hints that reminded me of things that Bill Hamilton had warned about in his one book, Saints and Psychopaths. Others had more extreme views on him, considering him to be a totally insane, delusional, narcissistic psychopathic cult leader to be avoided at all costs." Even on Richard's website he responds to accusations of being a cult leader preying on the innocent and naive.

Review: Saints and Psychopaths: https://rumble.com/v1gosbb-saints-and-psychopaths-by-william-l.-hamilton.html

"Richard needs [the chief disciple] for support. Every man desires a woman (or ‘chick for free’) who is willing to deny her feelings and intuitions, the very culprits for malice and sorrow ... as far as Richard is concerned, that is." Richard then responds with lots of denials and explanations of his method, often using a dictionary to find the most precise words. "...chief disciples are notorious for waxing and waning in their regard for their master ... it would be a foolish person who depends upon the fickleness of another’s mood swings for support."

Daniel adds that, "luckily for me, I didn't have to address those questions related to Richard directly, as I had my friends, and my friends were available to me easily and freely gave plenty of their time to answer questions and provide pointers. All of those pointers, namely really high levels of appreciating the field of sensate experience at all times when awake, trying to figure out how the PCE pointed to something important and clear, and really investigating the world of feelings honestly and simply, seeing how they arose, what conditions lead to their continuation, what value they had and didn't have, and the like, all seemed perfectly sound advice that was leading to good things." Though Daniel gave a strict prescription based on his positive results of the practice and what he felt was required to improve one's baseline happiness. He said, "do it all day long for a year or two and see what it is does to you: taken to that dose and degree of dedication, you would be surprised at what can occur."

Daniel also noticed similarities to the Majjhima Nikaya 20: Removal of Distracting Thoughts, especially with Richard's practice of asking How Am I Experiencing This Moment Of Being Alive (HAIETMOBA)? "When evil unskillful thoughts connected with desire, hate, and delusion arise in a bhikkhu (monk) through reflection on an adventitious object, he should, (in order to get rid of that), reflect on a different object which is connected with skill. Then the evil unskillful thoughts are eliminated; they disappear."

Removal of Distracting Thoughts: https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.020.soma.html

Daniel's post on differences and similarities between Buddhism and Actualism: https://www.dharmaoverground.org/discussion/-/message_boards/message/503885#_19_message_503885

Richard's responses to "Commonly raised objections": http://actualfreedom.com.au/sundry/commonobjections/croindex.htm

My Experiments in Actualism - Daniel Ingram: http://integrateddaniel.info/my-experiments-in-actualism/

How am I experiencing this moment of being alive? HAIETMOBA

"Begin by asking, each moment again, ‘How am I experiencing this moment of being alive’?"

"Note: asking how I am experiencing this moment of being alive is *not* the actualism method."

"Consistently enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive *is* the actualism method."

"The means to the end – an ongoing enjoyment and appreciation – are no different to the end."

"Enjoyment and appreciation are facilitated by *feeling* as happy and as harmless as possible."

"Felicity [happiness] and innocuity [harmlessness] are potently enabled by minimising both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings."

"An affective awareness is the key to maximising felicity and innocuity over all alternate feelings."

"A slightest diminishment of enjoyment and appreciation automatically activates attentiveness."

"Attentiveness to the cause of diminished enjoyment and appreciation restores felicity/innocuity."

"The habituation of actualistic awareness and attentiveness requires a persistent initialisation."

"Persistent initialisation segues into a wordless approach, a non-verbal attitude towards life."

"Consistently enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive is what the actualism method is."

This moment of being alive: http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/richard/articles/thismomentofbeingalive.htm

To help understand these investigations of feelings, Vineeto explains her method, "To ask these questions was to sharpen my attentiveness as to how I felt, what I felt and why I felt it when I contemplated the issues that caused a mental block and this attentiveness also showed me how to move past those affective feelings that prevented a clearer understanding of those issues. In other words, attentiveness counteracts the instinctive ‘self’-centredness that is more or less happening all the time unless I become aware of it. Attentiveness combined with contemplation does wonders when one wants to penetrate ‘my’ automatically ongoing affective reactiveness to emotionally charged topics. Eventually my burning desire and my persistence not to settle for anything less than indisputable facts won over my fears of questioning what I believed to be absolutely right and true and, to make a long story short, one day something had to give – ‘my’ worldview collapsed in one fell swoop and I had my first pure consciousness experience which lasted for a night and the better half of the next day."

Vineeto ~ Selected Writings: How to Investigate Feelings: http://actualfreedom.com.au/actualism/vineeto/selected-writings/investigatefeelings.htm

Richard adds that "once the specific moment of ceasing to feel good is pin-pointed, and the silliness of having such an incident as that (no matter what it is) take away one’s enjoyment and appreciation of this only moment of being alive is seen for what it is – usually some habitual reactive response – one is once more feeling good ... but with a pin-pointed cue to watch out for next time so as to not have that trigger off yet another bout of the same-old same-old. This is called nipping it in the bud before it gets out of hand ... with application and diligence and patience and perseverance one soon gets the knack of this and more and more time is spent enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive. And, of course, once one does get the knack of this, one up-levels ‘feeling good’, as a bottom line each moment again, to ‘feeling happy and harmless’ ... and after that to ‘feeling perfect’. The more one enjoys and appreciates being just here right now – to the point of excellence being the norm – the greater the likelihood of a PCE happening ... a grim and/or glum person has no chance whatsoever of allowing the magical event, which indubitably shows where everyone has being going awry, to occur. Plus any analysing and/or psychologising and/or philosophising whilst one is in the grip of debilitating feelings usually does not achieve much (other than spiralling around and around in varying degrees of despair and despondency or whatever) anyway. The wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom from the human condition is marked by enjoyment and appreciation – the sheer delight of being as happy and harmless as is humanly possible whilst remaining a ‘self’ – and the slightest diminishment of such felicity/ innocuity is a warning signal (a flashing red light as it were) that one has inadvertently wandered off the way. One is thus soon back on track ... and all because of everyday events."

Mental Stirrings - Thanissaro Bhikkhu: https://www.dhammatalks.org/Archive/y2004/040227%20Mental%20Stirrings.mp3

Albert Ellis: A Guide to Rational Living: https://youtu.be/GyRE-78g_z0

Again the abstractness appears in the writing, but Richard points to what is also found in many other meditation practices, that it is okay to interrupt your thought stream and to see that what you think is reality is not actual. A student of cognitive therapy and Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy would understand the use of thinking to analyze disturbing distractions for illogical, or distorted thoughts until they are seen through and abandoned. It's well known that any thoughts that don't conform to reality, cause stress and confusion. For the practitioner, this would be a major area to investigate, even before getting caught in distorted thoughts. As the practice of abandoning the distractions develops, one can see the negative emotions related to those thoughts, and the opportunity to replace them with consistent enjoyment and appreciation of the moment, and strengthen the possibility of a PCE occurring. When PCE's happen they can be markers in the memory to be brought up again after each bout with distorted thoughts is let go of.

Actual Freedom

When Vineeto got to her Actual Freedom, she described it as follows: "There was no fear, no experience of death, no physical phenomena or changes, just the realization that I have always been here in this eternal moment in time, in this luminous magical world, more naked than I was born and utterly safe. The stillness in my head was palpable (and has remained so ever since). Richard asked me a few test-questions to confirm what just had happened. We exchanged a few notes of how it is to live in this actual world and we found that our experiences matched.

For instance I noted that sentences were now coming out of me as if from nowhere – there was no causal sequence of thoughts preceding a conclusion (such as because A there is B and therefore C) but my thoughts/words were rather emerging from a surprising overall all-encompassing awareness that then voiced results out of a reservoir of my accumulated knowledge and experience on a particular topic.

The next morning was the real test – I half-expected that I had reverted back to normal but the world was just as brilliant, beneficial and wunderbar as I had experienced it the night before. I am still surprised how easy it all turned out to be in the end.

Make no mistake in thinking that it needs a personal contact with Richard in order to take the last step to becoming actually free. What it needs is the unwavering and undiminished intent (100%) to bridge the separation that stands in the way of an actual intimacy with another human being – any human being – and secondly the awareness and intent that what one is doing is not for oneself but for everybody in order for the self-less purity to unfold its magic."

The Fat Lady Has Finally Sung...Vineeto’s Report of Becoming Newly Actually Free: http://actualfreedom.com.au/actualism/vineeto/BecomingFree.htm

Similarities to the Psychology of Flow

For the life of me I couldn't understand entirely what Richard was going on about, and yet I was able to bump into my own PCE while working on the New Year's Day Guided Meditation. It wasn't exactly like the instructions Richard put forth, but Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's Flow instructions, in the book Finding Flow, which pointed to similar problems related to social conditioning. "What we put our attention to becomes the focal point of our consciousness, and therefore becomes a determiner of our happiness."

As I focused on my goals for the day I noticed that there were images of people in my mind that were interfering with my concentration. But like in a concentration meditation I was able to let go of these influences and get back to my object of choice, my goal. At that point it was like an intrinsic interest, to be more specific from the term intrinsic motivation. It required that I concentrated on the benefits of a different choice long enough so that it took over consciousness and I was motivated to act on it. At first, the motivation was weaker and less developed than old habits, but the concentration and a patience to wait for the resistance to exhaust itself and relax, won out. What appeared as resistance was essentially a social self, or social conditioning. When the consciousness had no competition for its attention it could act on the chosen object with an internal motivation, free of the need for permission from or fear of authority figures. It was also free of a need for validation from them.

It was heavenly. I connected with that childlike wonder and interest in the world, because I waited long enough for the social conditioning, from external rewards and punishments, to fade away. Going home, as mundane as it was, was a lot like going to a vacation accommodation, with all the interest and wonder of a vacation or the pleasure of engaging a cherished hobby. It symbolically reminded me of the sequence in the ambient track, Abundance on Aphex Twin's Collapse, starting at 02:42. A personal control of an ambient felicity. The social self that is so addictive, that needs constant soothing, that can be so stressed about scarcity and competition, and that for some people fosters a depression that can be a permanent fixture in their lives, and is a subtle presence haunting everyone's life, fell away.

abundance10edit [2 R8's, FZ20m & a 909] by Aphex Twin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrWTZk0sMS4

Asking Mihaly's question, "how immersed, and engaged are you?" with the social brain, pointed to that immersion into the senses just as they were, and then a relaxing of the need to prop up the social brain, because the mind's intrinsic interest took over consciousness. It lasted for a half an hour until the social brain started measuring the value of what was found, thereby eating the cake, and not having it anymore. The "look what I found" part of the brain comes back. Seeing the power and danger of the social self, and how it can be used by others to control you, and your happiness became apparent. Mainly these were threats to survival. Whether it's a relationship threat or a workplace threat, it did the same to the mind. It made the social brain into a slave to please others. I now had a clear template of what to do, but also a nagging question for further research: If the social brain exists in our mind, it must be for a purpose and trying to permanently get rid of it eliminates the chance to develop skills to use that part of the brain in good ways.

The Bāhiya Sutta: https://accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/ud/ud.1.10.than.html

I also felt that a "wordless approach, a non-verbal attitude towards life," had some inferiority to the Buddhist approach that includes thoughts. It's true we can be addicted to thinking, and have pointless thinking, but thinking was still a part of my Flow experience. It may not have been "the actualism method" but it was a valuable marker for Flow experiences, and there are thoughts that are enjoyable and provide enormous value. Mihaly also understood that there is boredom and stress. If activities are too easy or too hard, the practitioner is not likely to be in these beautiful states for too long. Any diseases could easily derail the experience and bring back the reactive part of the mind. Yet ongoing appreciation of what you have, which is only the present moment, seemed worth developing. Mindfulness in Buddhism can harbour an unconscious aversion to pleasure to such an extent that the peace one develops is too dry.

Rob Burbea's warning of how the variety in the psyche can be "flattened": https://dharmaseed.org/teacher/210/talk/28026/

Social rewards

After that Flow experience, the social brain was back online and feeding on interesting insights. It appears to me now that the social self is what many personality disorders are stuck in. The marker for a healthy self in one's own experience is found, and is independent of the self that needs to win, dominate, and control, with all the misery, pride and folly that is attributed to narcissistic measuring of oneself with others as the single source of happiness. Whether Richard chooses to describe the self as malice and sorrow, it doesn't matter. In my experience ambition is still there, but it was about learning and engagement. It was different than concentration attainments in eastern meditation practices in that there was a perfume, a juicy aliveness, along with the relief of stress. Here there was a dividing line between people who still preferred to reduce emotional pain as low as possible, and those who simply wanted to bring back that wonder they had in childhood, that adult competition for money and mates diminished as the years went by. Some students go one path and other students go another path according to their disposition, and original intentions.

The other difference from the social self was seeing that many of the objects of interest had a promise of a social reward. I remember being mindful while driving and parking next to a Mini Cooper and my mind started imagining a lifestyle with this Mini Cooper and also an unconscious promise of social rewards related to increased status. That became a benchmark for the different desires. Desires for social rewards, versus desires based on learning and intrinsic interest. The social rewards were more intense and stressful due to the pleasure of those rewards and of a lack of control inherent in social rewards. For example, if I got the Mini Cooper, it's quite likely I will get zero social rewards for it. It's just a car. This describes the inherent boredom found by narcissists, psychopaths, and even normal people who achieve fame. Even if you achieve big things, "other people won't let you have it," as singer and guitarist Jack White points out in that fantastic interview with Conan O'Brian.

Rocker Jack White - Serious Jibber-Jabber with Conan O'Brien (cited topic starts 34:16): https://youtu.be/AJgY9FtDLbs

Further insights

Mihaly says in his book Flow, "To overcome the anxieties and depressions of contemporary life, individuals must become independent of the social environment to the degree that they no longer respond exclusively in terms of its rewards and punishments. To achieve such autonomy, a person has to learn to provide rewards to herself. She has to develop the ability to find enjoyment and purpose regardless of external circumstances.”

This explained to me larger phenomenon, such as artists looking like people who didn't want to grow up. It explained Marxist arguments about alienation and trying to bring a sense of play to the work world, that ultimately was impractical in that individuals in a communist society, or any commune for that matter, still had to deal with a competitive social self in each individual's mind, full of greed, envy, and jealousy. It explained the similar arguments from Capitalists who believed in the value of the motivation found in freedom to run your own company, who also felt less alienated. The impractical side of course were those who worked for the owner, who didn't have that sense of wonder and exploration due to their attention span being controlled.

Everybody seems to have an intuitive understanding of what they want to protect from destruction, but the social self, inside all of our minds, always finds a way of spoiling it with ego conflicts. Another practitioner, Peter, talked of being "virtually free" 99% of the time, an unscientific number, before achieving Actual Freedom. It unfortunately leaves an out for the social self to keep interrupting people, like a shadow self, causing hypocrisy. In the end the PCE is not meaningless, and cultivating it so it can become more of a habit is not senseless, but quite healthy mentally. Yet there is a need to protect these states in an artificial commune experience. What peer reviewed tests could be made to prove these practices lead to a long-term Actual Freedom? As long as survival threats exist on this planet, which they obviously do, the Pure Consciousness Experience, and any other habits, are not permanent mind states. Can one be in this state while undergoing horrendous physical pain? If one was homeless, how would a PCE be helpful or relevant? These practices reduce psychological pain, but the proof that these these states can be maintained in a harsh environment is nil, and I'm sure there aren't any volunteers.

Virtual Freedom: http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/actualism/path1.htm

This was confirmed by another testimonial on the site by Claudiu, he said it "won’t necessarily lead to lasting relationships, or to good jobs, or good income, or a family, or becoming well-known or well-respected, or leaving a legacy behind or anything like that. Living actually free is definitely pointless from the real-world perspective." This is also confirmed in the work of Daniel Kahneman, that shows that complex thinking drains energy. One has to engage with complex thinking if society is to develop technologically, and an Actualism lifestyle would only work for someone like Richard, who is retired.

Claudiu's report: http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/actualism/others/claudiu%27sreport.htm

Attention and Effort - Daniel Kahneman: https://rumble.com/v1gpl0j-attention-and-effort-daniel-kahneman.html

So what kind of world would it be where more people are happy and harmless? Would it also make us weak and vulnerable to those who choose not to, and cannot develop these psychological intentions? I'm aiming at my favourite targets, the narcissists, who do the opposite, and drop the intrinsic interest and exclusively double-down on self-measuring and moving up hierarchies of power and fame with the social brain, regardless of conflict.

One of the Actualist practitioners, Jon, makes it plain: "Of course, I reserve the right to defend my person and property." The need to be harmful, in a protective way, and the value of the social self, to connect with others, challenges us to find a way to use that part of the brain in a skillful way, instead of abandoning it. From a psychological perspective, there is to be no lobotomy. All areas of the mind have a purpose and usefulness for survival and a thriving life. Then there's also the addictive tolerance, and boredom of such experiences, or any experience that repeats, whether it's extrinsic or intrinsic motivation. This will have to be explored in future reviews.

Jon's summary of the Actualism method: https://github.com/ActualFreedom/home/wiki/The-Actualism-Method

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Worlds - Thanissaro Bhikkhu

Exercising the mind - Thanissaro Bhikkhu: https://www.dhammatalks.org/Archive/y2018/181007_Exercising_the_Mind_(outdoors).mp3

Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi:

Finding Flow: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780465024117/

Flow: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780062151605/

Niemiec, C. P., Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2009). The Path Taken: Consequences of Attaining Intrinsic and Extrinsic Aspirations in Post-College Life. Journal of research in personality, 73(3), 291-306.

Abeyta, Andrew & Routledge, Clay & Sedikides, Constantine. (2016). Material Meaning: Narcissists Gain Existential Benefits From Extrinsic Goals. Social Psychological and Personality Science. 8. 10.1177/1948550616667618.

Photos:

Hibiscus Flower and Spider-web with dew from www.pexels.com

La richmond River à Casino en Nouvelle-Galles du Sud en Australie By Peter 1968 - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Small_richmondriver.jpg, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=3478930

Contemplative Practice: http://psychreviews.org/category/contemplativepractice/

#meditation #buddhism #positive psychology #calm #mihaly csikszentmihalyi

0 notes

castle-dominion · 11 months

Text

c1x3 (technically 1x2? 1x4?) hell hath no fury

Coffee is just like that. He's present during paperwork for once. She's so pretty & looks so good in red & totally deserves to have that short hair. She looked so much better in the earlier seasons & now she's just some lady.

RC: No. Hiding would be building a fortress out of my comforter and then downing a fifth of Scotch, but apparently that's considered unhealthy.

Was THAT espt's voice? Woah. Lol two gay bois moving in together already huh.

KR: Dead guy in a rug. Naturally, we thought of you. JE: Ye Both: : ) uwu

Already jinxing <3

Castle just taking photos

Ok so ik I talk abt the outfits a lot but I love castle's scarf & beckett's coat & rysposito have swapped clothing

Hey, I'm a wise-ass, not a jackass.

Martha <3

I don't care about what people think... much.

Oh yeah even where I live we do roadkill furniture & gear.

[06:00, EXT. ALLEYWAY - DAY] Esposito and Ryan in a dumpster digging through the garbage. They are wearing coveralls to protect their clothing.

ESPOSITO I don't care if it was free. Even if you pay me, I'm still not gonna take that rug.

RYAN You tell me you've lived in New York your whole life, and you never scored a piece of road kill?

ESPOSITO "Road kill?"

RYAN It's an accepted practice, bro. You're done with your old stuff, you leave it on the street for those less fortunate. (waving a (still yellow) banana peel back & forth.) Artists, students, former hedge fund managers. It's trickle-down economics at its finest.

ESPOSITO Yeah, well, I prefer not to be trickled on.

RYAN :D You know that red couch I have? The one you like so much?

ESPOSITO 0n0 Don't you say it, bro.

RYAN 54th and Lex.

ESPOSITO That's gross. Gross. (Ryan laughing.) We are never playing Madden at your place again. (& I was wondering where the fanfictions learned this tidbit. Now I know.)

Btw you DO need to be careful. Dumpster diving is great but u don't want to end up with silverfish. (Happened at my church youth group.) (source: https://scriptline.livejournal.com/18193.html)

Bro never SAID he didn't, never said ANYTHING implying he didn't. He just said that the information wasn't a guarantee that he DID.

RC: Promise not to hate me. KB: I already hate you. RC: Fair enough.

Well, not exactly a friend. She's my interior decorator. But then we slept together, so I don't really know what she is now. WHAT Castle is the one who's kind of slutty, not nikki heat

Creason: *gagging on the coffee, shaking his head wildly* RC: I feel you, man.

KB: Hey, Esposito! JE: Ya? KB: See what you can find on that rug. If one went missing, what room it's from, and maybe who had access. JE: Yeh. KB: Thanks JE, to Ryan who is standing there on his phone: Road trip. RC: You're very good at bossing men around. KB: RC: I've noticed

RC, Through The Glass: You are so lame! You're Lamey McLamester! You're so la-la-la-la-lame!

JB: Mr. Bollinger's my father. Call me Jason. Me: Penis minivan lesbian was my father. Please, call me dick van dyke.

Lol councilman horny

lmao ryan in the background trying to give a gal his number & then he sends poor ryan after the drunk folks peeing in the flower pot & he goes to give the fellow his number even tho she already said she had a bf (well she said it to ryan).

Idk whether to laugh or get offended bc I'm no swerf:

Esposito, Ryan, Castle, and a couple other guys look over the prostitutes' website.

JE Damn! Those are some seriously fine five-star class-B misdemeanors. (XD)

KR: Dude, between you and me, you ever pay for it?

RC: Are you counting my marriages? (XD) KR: *one huff of laughter*

[Ryan clicks to a new page]

RC: Wait, stop! That's the girl in the photos. (See? Police work.)

KR: *sigh* Look at her. If I had your money...

[Beckett approaches and the other two guys takes off] KB: This isn't phone sex, Ryan. You don't just pay for the two minutes that you used.

JE: *Laughs*

Or you could just do it the easy way. (I love the way ryan is just looking back & forth between them & Espt just kinda looks up at beckett before awkwardly watching castle eyebrows HIGH, then beckett goes to hit him w her files; & then rysposito just turn to watch all smiley as she chases him down) No, no, no , no, no. You're the police. I'm just a lonely upscale gentleman looking for a date. Bet I find her first.

We all thought the pro was already there.

Beckett staring at him mad, Espt staring at him (eyebrows down but) interested, & Ryan staring at the box confused. RC: Yeah, just put it right over there. Perfect. Lift with your knees, man. Stay here for one second, would you? Because you guys have been so wonderfully hospitable to me, I just want to return the favor. And because your coffee is basically crap, I got you an espresso machine! How cool is that? Ryan looks at the coffee cup (which he is holding weird, point for the adhd ryan hc), espt is smilin & becks is just unimpressed

Goggles don't help like that but thanks.

Alexis <3 Martha <3

Firefly moments DX

I love Lanie & Kate. LP: Damn girl, you scared me. KB: Lanie, you're surrounded by corpses. LP: Yeah, I don't expect the living after seven o'clock. (So hearing someone talking is a shock.) KB: Funny. Neither do I. LP: I'm an M.E. What's your excuse? KB: Oh, don't be mean. LP: You deserve it. Getting a drink with me after work instead of getting your freak on with writer-boy? KB: Yeah, well, he is annoying, self-centered, egotistical, and completely-- LP: Fun? KB: LP: And take it from me, girlfriend, you need some fun. (Beckett's phone rings) LP: I mean, how bad can he be? KB, on the phone: Beckett. RC: Guess who's got a date with a prostitute! KB: *arms out in defeat*

He is a gentleman. Heck yeah, treat your escort with respect or whatever. True, big thing. Sex is a way to feel connected & men* typically feel more emotionally comfy if they are having sex with that person. Women* typically need the emotional connection to feel comfy enough for sex. Supposedly that's why marriages fail. Men* aren't getting the sex to feel emotionally safe & women* aren't getting the emotional connection to have sex. (*generalizations, probably cishet, etc)

Ryan looks almost normal rn, wearing that shirt & tie. Castle with his sweater today instead of his typical attire. Them all talking about the coffee.

RM: My three-year-old son could come up with a better story than that. Follow the money. Kirby: Hey! Hey! Can I go home now?

"Detective, with all due respect, there's no way in hell I'm helping you start a witch hunt against our top supporters. Now, you want to go through our campaign contributors? Fine. That's a matter of public record. But anything else and you're on your own." I mean he's right

RC: Hey. Finished your homework? AC: Yeah. RC: You want to finish mine? AC: Well, that depends. How much you offering to pay me? RC: Oh, I taught you well.

Kate just doesn't want to be seen appreciating castle's presence as a point of principal.

I figured it out. I knew it was the hair but I finally see where it is changed. I recently saw the 3xk sequel in s4 & Ryan with his "hello fellow kids" look. His hair is too far down. It is not brushed up away from his face, it is slightly curly & falling a little bit down. Plus, the lighting or makeup design has his lips lookin like mine did in japan. (The kids there had an app with filters but I was white so it made my lips way too bright.)

She has a right to see the warrant my dudes. U can't just waltz in there.

Ryan, flipping open his badge all prettylike: Stop running, bro. Campaign's over.

RM: Nice work. Very impressive. *Walking away* Oh, and uh, you, too, Beckett. KB: Sir??? RM: Just yanking your chain, Detective. Just yanking your chain.

Castle does readings like this, they could record it for esposito. (A point for an adhd esposito headcanon except u'r not allowed to be in the military if u have adhd, lucky for me.) (I remember in the pilot he asked for tapes. & then throughout the rest of s1 we can see ryan starting to get into castle's books.)

#castle 1x3 #castle 1x3 spoilers #castle 1x3 quote

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babfabsfab · 2 years

Text

Suprêmes

Fictional lesbian lovers cut lemon into suprêmes for the Lemon Chicken Recipe and delete unwanted iPhone apps, organizing them into groups.

Summary:

Fictional lesbian lovers cut lemon into suprêmes for the Lemon Chicken Recipe and delete unwanted iPhone apps, organizing them into groups.

Text:

“Ugh! I could throw my phone into the pool!”

“Don’t do that. I just bought this special Vialone Nano rice for your favorite radicchio risotto. Come here, darling, what’s the matter?”

“I can never find anything and now I can’t update because I’ve run out of room.”

“Let me see your phone. You have all these apps wandering around. Do you even use them?”

“No, but I can never remember how to fix that.”

“Give me your phone a minute and I’ll show you.”

“O no. You’ll put Ethel Merman on my lock screen, again. Besides, you’re making dinner for everyone.”

“I promise I won’t add Ethel. Let me see… uhhhh. Okay, I know you don’t play this ‘Dykes in Dungeons with Drag Queens’ game. This is how you delete it – you hold your finger gently on the icon and the little menu will appear – pick ‘Remove App’ and confirm delete.

And to put the apps into groups, again, hold your finger gently on the icon – just wait – as I do when I rest my tongue on your baby-clit and I won’t let you come. When all the icons on the screen start squirming, you can drag one onto another similar app to create a group.

See, I drag your favorite game, ‘Is This Plug Too Big 4 My Butt?’ onto ‘Lesbian Scrabble’ and it makes a ‘Games’ group. Why don’t you clean up your screen while I finish suprêming this lemon.”

“What are you doing with that knife?”

“I’m cutting the flesh out of a lemon for my signature lemon chicken1 . You know I like it really tart.”

“Don’t you just squeeze the lemon with the reamer?”

“You think everything is better with a reamer. No. For this I cut the little filets from the lemon – suprêmes in French. It’s the same word for a chicken filet. I figured this out myself years ago and then I found out it was actually a thing.

You cut the ends off of a lemon, put it cut side down on the board and then cut all the rind, down to the flesh, off with downwards strokes. Flip the lemon upside down and cut off the rest of the rind.

Then hold the lemon in your hand and very carefully slice each left-hand section right next to the separation – go all the way around the lemon. Then turn the lemon around and slice the other sides. The suprêmes come out very easily or just peel them off the separations.

I ignore the seeds and take them out when I’m reducing the lemon in the pan.”

“Hmmm. That’s a lot of work but your lemon chicken is amazing. It must be the whole lemon that makes the difference. And I think you deserve a little prize for helping me with my phone.”

“Sweetie, I’d love that but people are arriving soon.”

“We have time, Patti and Trixie are always late. Seeing those suprêmes made me think of something else.”

“Diana Ross?”

“Uhn uh. Let’s move to the fainting couch. I’m sure you bought this lovely antique just for me.”

“Wait! My hands are all lemony.”

“Don’t worry you won’t need your hands. I’m glad you’re wearing drawstring pants. Ah. There you are – your suprême. Your big clit and inner labia look like the filet between the lemon separations. What was that iPhone tip about gently waiting for the apps to wiggle?.”

She wasn’t much for tech but she knew every hack for getting her lover to come when she wanted – early, middle, or late. Her lover’s inner lips already had that plummy purple color they got when she was aroused. They were like irregular flower petals or some kind of undersea flora, waiting for the current.

She love to start with the tip of her tongue at the opening of her vagina and more steadily up through the folds to the little bud. Her clit had a an extra softness to it that she couldn’t really describe but always found alluring. They didn’t have much time so she stayed on the path she knew would make short work of her climax.

From the vagina to the clit, slowly at first, then quickening. She felt the little ridges on the way each time. Her lover’s moans turned to tiny gasps, catching her breath each time the tongue reached her very sensitive clitoris. Her hips began to move up to meet the tongue – their favorite slow dance. She heard their friends pull up in the driveway outside and quickened her pace.

She focused her attention on the little bud in a relentless flicking rhythm, tempo presto, her musician’s training told her. Her lover responded immediately, involuntarily and tumbled over the peak with a burst of held breath, grabbing hair with her lemony hands.

“Damn, I’ve gotten your hair all schmutzy.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get the door. You try to wash that, ‘I’ve just been fucked’ look off or your face. You can take care of my suprême later.

Coming Soon:

Chapter 2: Making a roux and widgets on the iPhone home screen.

Notes:

1. BabFab’s Italian Lemon Chicken

I developed this method for classic Italian Lemon Veal / Chicken that I ate all over central and northern Italy. I like it tart - molto forte con limone. Serve with rice, penne rigate, or a side of mashed potatoes.

Serves 2

Ingredients:

2 Chicken tenders per person

1 Lemon per two (2) people

Flour for dredging

1 Stick Salted Butter - or unsalted if you prefer

1 Can Campbell’s Chicken Stock - or other if you prefer (about 1/4 cup per 4 tenders)

Method:

1 - Pound tenders or not. If they are pounded the cook more quickly but take up more room in the pan.

2 - Suprême the lemon retaining as much juice as possible, set aside in a small bowl.

2 - Dredge the tenders in flour

3 - Add enough butter to the pan on medium so that when melted, it creates a pool of about an 1/8th of an inch so that the chicken doesn’t stick.

4 - Sauté the tenders in a enough butter on just above medium until they’re slightly browned on both sides

5 - When just cooked, transfer tenders to foil (and wrap) or to a covered dish

6 - Add Suprêmes and their juice.

7 - Add chicken stock, about 1/4 cup per 2 tenders. Add more if you have a large pan or if the suprêmes aren’t floating

8 - Open the foil with the chicken and pour any juice into the pan, reseal the foil.

9 - Reduce the stock and the lemon, smashing up the lemon with the edge of a spatula or wooden spoon. Lower the heat incrementally as the sauce is reducing to avoid splitting. Don't rush this. It can take 5-10 minutes.

10 - When the reduction is syrupy, turn off the heat - completely.

11 - Add 3-4 Tablespoons of butter per 2 people or more if your pan is large. Stir the butter into the reduction with a wire whisk making sure to scrape all of the fond of the sides of the pan into the sauce.

12 - Return the chicken tenders to the pan and coat with the sauce. If the chicken is too cold, turn the heat on low, low and stir the chicken in the sauce till they come up to temp making sure not to split the sauce.

13 - Serve immediately with/over rice or pasta, or with mashed potatoes.

#Clitfun #Recipes #Italian Cuisine #Apple Tech

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