#she has like no immune system! even a cold could kill her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

waitimcomingtoo · 7 months

Text

Rumor Has It

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Synopsis: chaos ensues when Peter suspects you may be pregnant

Masterlist

“Do we have any salt and vinegar chips?” You asked as you rummaged through the kitchen pantry.

“No, because those are disgusting.” Rhodey replied without looking up from his newspaper.

“Actually, they’re delicious.” You insisted. “Clearly someone agrees because they’re all gone. I need something bitter. Do we have any pickles?”

“I think we have some left over from Cap’s birthday blowout. I’ll help you look.” Peter got up from his seat at the kitchen table and went over to help you look.

“I’ll look too. I need some cheese balls.” Sam patted his stomach and went over to the pantry. What he found inside was a nearly empty bag of cheese balls waiting for him. Sam slowly held up the bag to everyone sitting at the kitchen table so that they could see it.

“Who ate all the balls?” He said calmly.

“It wasn’t me.” You answered.

“Not me. I don’t eat that crap.” Bucky scoffed.

“What do you call that then?” Tony asked and pointed to the pop tart in Buckys hand.

“Well it’s strawberry flavored, isn’t it? That’s a fruit.” Bucky replied.

“You’re a fruit.” Tony mumbled.

“Come on. Fess up.” Sam urged. “Who finished all the balls?”

“Not me.” Peter answered while everyone else stayed silent.

“Well it was fookin’ one of yus.” Sam snapped and threw the bag to the ground.

“Don’t look at me.” Tony held up his hands in defense. “I haven’t eaten cheeseballs since the 80s. That was also the last time I tried crack. Unrelated.”

“Someone needs to tell me who ate all the balls or there’s about to be an Avengers level threat in this kitchen.” Sam warned.

“I did it. I ate all the balls.” Carol confessed and stood up from the table.

“And just put back an empty bag? Don’t you think the rest of us would’ve liked some balls?” Sam asked as he slowly walked towards her.

“Maybe.” She shrugged. “Or maybe I didn’t care.”

“Maybe you should care. I was looking forward all week to those nice, crunchy balls.”

“We don’t always get what we want.” Carol replied and narrowed her eyes.

“Why did we all decide to drop “cheese” and just say balls?” Peter raised his hand to ask.

“If you finished the balls, you should have replaced them with more balls.” Sam told her.

“I’ve been busy.” Carol shrugged him off.

“Doing what?” Sam scoffed. “Eating all the snacks and not replacing them?”

“Why’d you ask if you already knew?” Carol asked sarcastically, making Sam grow madder.

“I’ll kill you.”

“I’ll kill you harder.” Carol warned back.

“Guys. No fighting in the kitchen.” Tony quipped. “It makes the fruit go bad faster.”

“He’s right. The bad vibes make the banana go brown instantly.” You insisted. Carol looked down at the empty bag of cheese balls and sighed.

“I’m sorry I ate all the balls.” She said sincerely. “I’m on my period right now and I honestly don’t even remember doing it.”

“Fine. You get off the hook this time. But only because I don’t understand how periods work.” Sam said with the same sincerity.

“I can go get some more balls now at the store.” Carol offered. “I need ibuprofen anyway. My cramps are killing me.”

“Hey, sparkles, can you get me some cough stuff while you’re there? My throat is acting up.” Tony said and rubbed his sore throat.

“Why are you always sick?” Sam asked him.

“Your immune system gets weaker as you get older. This cold could very well be his last.” Peter pointed out.

“Thanks.” Tony replied sarcastically through a cough. Carol left for the store and you looked down at the cheese ball bag in confusion.

“What’s today?” You asked Peter.

“The 25th.” He replied. “Don’t ask me what day of the week though. I’ve never known.”

“Hm.” You frowned and put your hand on your stomach.

“What’s wrong?”

“My period was supposed to come on the 10th. I wonder why it’s so late.” You shrugged.

“Weird.” Peter shrugged as well and didn’t think anything of it.

“I guess these will have to do. As entertaining as this was, I’ll be in my room.” You said as you grabbed a bag of tortilla chips, kissed Peters cheek, and left the kitchen. Sam turned to Peter with an amused look on his face, making Peter frown in confusion.

“Uh oh.” Sam chuckled.

“What oh?” Peter asked.

“Nothing. Just don’t ask me to babysit.”

“Babysit who?”

“Your kid.” Sam said simply.

“What kid?”

“The one your girlfriend is pregnant with.” Sam said like it was obvious.

“What?” Peter laughed. “She’s not pregnant.”

“Did we just see the same thing? Her periods late and had weird food cravings? She’s definitely pregnant.” Sam insisted.

“He’s right. Only a pregnant person would willingly eat salt and vinegar chips.” Rhodey said from the table.

“You guys don’t know what you’re talking about. There’s no way she’s pregnant.” Peter laughed it off but felt his stomach start to turn with anxiety.

“Oh. My bad. I didn’t realize there was no way.” Sam snorted and looked Peter up and down. It took Peter a minute to realize what Sam was implying and he quickly shut that down.

“Now hold on a minute. Best believe I’m in my baby’s room every night leaving her adequately satisfied. I’m saying there’s no way she could be pregnant because we use protection. And because I have lighting quick reflexes.”

Tony threw a a buttered bagel at Peter from the kitchen table and it stuck to his chest. Peter looked down at the bagel before looking at Tony in shock.

“Why would you do that?” Peter asked.

“The question you should be asking is didn’t your tingle tell you I was gonna do that? Maybe your reflexes aren’t as quick as you thought.” Tony shrugged and went back to his breakfast. Peter peeled the bagel off and tossed it in the trash before looking at Sam.

“Do you really think she’s pregnant?” He whispered.

“I don’t know. Do you?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know. Do you?” Peter asked back.

“Why don’t you just ask her?” Sam suggested.

“Yeah. That’s a really good idea. Let me ask my girlfriend if she’s pregnant. That definitely won’t effect her self esteem in any way or make her mad at me at all.”

“You’re right.” Sam agreed. “You have to sleuth.”

“Or I could just wait until she feels ready to share the news.” Peter pointed out.

“No.” Sam shook his head. “You gotta go sleuth.”

And so, Peter left the kitchen to sleuth. He went to your room and pushed your door open to find you.

“Hey, honey bee.” Peter greeted you as he walked into your room. You were standing in front of your floor length mirror with your shirt pulled up a little.

“Do you think I’ve gained weight?” You asked as you examined your reflection.

“Uh….” Peter looked behind him for help getting out of this question. He ended up turning in a full circle twice and got dizzy.

“Peter?” You asked and rolled your shirt down.

“Ummmmm.” He stalled and pretended to take sudden interest in the things on your dresser. He knew girls had a record of asking things and wanting certain answers and he was almost positive that this was one of those questions. Your question had also watered the seed that Sam had just planted in Peters head about you possibly being pregnant. Peter knew he needed to avoid answering this question before you got suspicious that he might know something.

“Did you say something?” He asked you.

“I asked you a question.” You laughed at his obvious attempt at avoiding the question.

“You did? I must’ve miss that.” He played dumb.

“Just be honest with me. Do you think I’ve gained weight?” You repeated.

“I don’t understand the question, sorry.”

“It’s a simple yes or no question.”

“I’m confused. Are you asking me?” Peter forced a confused laugh and pointed to himself.

“Yes, you. You’re the only one in here. Do you think I’ve gained weight? Be honest.” You asked and looked back at your mirror again to see your side profile.

“In what regard?”

“Oh my God.” You laughed. “Just answer the question. I’m not gonna be mad. It’s not the end of the world to gain weight. I just want to know if you’ve noticed it.”

“I’ve never noticed anything. Ever.” Peter replied.

“Right. Thank you.” You chuckled and walked over to him to wrap your arms around his neck. He kissed you hello and momentarily forgot about what Sam had suggested.

“Why do you ask?” He asked you.

“I don’t know. I was just getting dressed and I realized I used to put this belt on this hole but today I put it on the hole after that.” You shrugged and showed him your belt.

“Maybe it shrunk.”

“Maybe. Or maybe I grew.” You shrugged.

“You look beautiful either way.” Peter said sincerely. “Whether you got bigger or not. You’re still the only girl I want to holla at.”

“I think so too. Thanks.” You smiled warmly at him and rested your head on his shoulder to hug him. Peter wrapped you in his arms and sighed happily and you gently rocked back and forth.

“You’re welcome.” He answered. For a second, he wasn’t panicking about the possibility of a baby. Instead, he felt excited to start a family with the person he loved most.

Later in the afternoon, you and Peter strolled into the kitchen to get some snacks. Tony and Sam were making lunch while Carol restocked the snack cabinet.

“Oh, I almost forgot. Here’s your cough syrup.” Carol said and gave the cough medicine to Tony.

“Thanks. My throat is killing me.” Tony sighed and cracked open the bottle.

“Here. We have measuring cups in the-“ You started to say as Tony took a long swig of the syrup.

“Or chug it. Okay.” You nodded while Peter stifled a laugh.

“Ugh. They can’t figure out how to make this taste any better?” Tony grimaced and wiped his mouth.

“I’ll make you some tea to wash it down.” You offered and filled the kettle with water.

“Thanks, kid.” Tony smiled. “I love when my annual man flu lines up with when you’re home from school. You’re so good at taking care of people.”

“Thanks for saying that. I don’t know what it is but I really like taking care of people when they’re sick. It makes me feel like a mom.” You said as you poured the hot water over a tea bag. Peter started choking on the water he was drinking while Sam gulped.

“You’re gonna be such a good mom.” Carol told you. “You’re so giving.”

“Aw, thank you. I hope so.” You smiled and patted your stomach twice. Peter and Sam exchanged a look with equal panic on their faces. Sam grabbed Peters arms and pulled him aside.

“Did she just pat her stomach?” Sam whispered.

“No way. This can’t be happening. You can’t be right. You’re never right!” Peter whispered back as he started to panic.

“Maybe this time, I was!” Sam whispered harshly.

“She can’t be pregnant. There’s no way. She would’ve told me.”

“She is telling you.” Sam insisted. “She’s dropping hints like crazy.”

“Oh my God. Why’d you have to put this idea in my head? I’m freaking out, man.”

“So am I. You think I want a spider baby crawling up the walls and shit like it’s the exorcist?”

“Technically the exorcist is the guy who gets rid of the demon. He doesn’t crawl up the walls. The possessed person does that. Well, I guess depending on the demon.”

“Jesus Christ. This kid is about to be so god damn annoying.” Sam sighed.

“You know what? No. She’s not pregnant.” Peter decided and walked away.

“Are you sure about that?” Sam called after him as he went back into the kitchen. When Peter got there, you were mixing honey into Tony’s tea while helping him with something on his phone. Peter watched you patiently teaching Tony and smiled to himself. He once again felt that maybe it would be okay if Sam was right. If you were pregnant, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. It was unexpected and jarring, but not impossible for Peter to handle as long as he had you.

The pregnancy rumor that existed between only Peter and Sam died down for the next few days. It wasn’t until a rainy Sunday that Peter thought about it again. You were watching a movie in the living room with some of the team when Natasha came in.

“Carol and I were gonna go train. You wanna join?” Natasha asked you.

“I would but my lower back is killing me. I think I slept weird.” You said and cracked your neck. Peter felt his face heat up when you said this, and Sam caught it too.

“Did you hear that? Her back hurts. Because of the baby!” Sam whispered to Peter.

“That’s not why. Didn’t you hear her? She said she slept weird.” Peter whispered back.

“Duh, she slept weird because of the baby!” Sam whispered again. Peter waved him off but couldn’t help but wonder if he was right.

“I could crack it for you.” Natasha offered.

“Could you? Thank.” You got off the couch and went over to Natasha. She wrapped her strong arms around you and was about to squeeze when Peter jumped off the couch.

“Not so fast.” He said and pulled you away from Natasha.

“What’s the matter?” You wondered. Peter was dumbstruck for a second when he realized he couldn’t say he didn’t want Natasha to crack your back incase her giant muscles squished the little baby in your tummy.

“I just don’t think it’s safe to be cracking her back if you don’t know what you’re doing. You could hurt someone.” Peter tried to explain but didn’t sound convincing.

“I’m not gonna hurt her. I’ve cracked her back plenty of times.” Natasha insisted and pulled you back towards her.

“Okay. Just be careful. Baby on board.” He mumbled the last part quickly.

“What was that?” You asked him.

“Nothing. What did you say?” Peter asked you to throw you off.

“I didn’t say anything. Weirdo.” You laughed at his odd behavior and let Natasha crack your back. Peter held his breath until you were safely out of her arms.

“Oh thank God.” He sighed. “We survived that. Cool.”

“Did you not think we would?” You laughed in confusion.

“I don’t know how to answer that question.” Peter answered honestly.

“You are being so odd lately. More than usual, you know that?” You chuckled as you pulled him back towards the couch.

“That’s just my boyish charm.” Peter laughed weakly and settled back onto the couch. He pulled you into his side and told himself that your back could be hurting for any number of reasons and didn’t necessarily mean you were pregnant. You watched the movie for a little bit until Peter felt you shift and wince a little.

“Are you okay?” He asked you.

“Yeah. My boobs are just sore.” You said and adjusted your bra uncomfortably.

“Why? Did you sprain them?”

“Um, no.” You chuckled. “I don’t even think you can sprain them. I must be PMSing.”

“Oh, thank God.” Peter said too enthusiastically. “Your period came?”

“No. Why do you seem so excited about it?” You furrowed your eyebrows and looked at him. Peter gulped and avoided eye contact with you.

“Excited? I’m not excited. Your men’s trail cycle doesn’t evoke any emotions within me. But if you don’t mind me asking, how are you PMSing without the P?”

“I’m pretty sure the P stands for “pre”. But you still get the symptoms sometimes even if you’re not on your period.”

“Interesting, interesting. Follow up question, are you usually this off kilter?”

“You mean irregular?” You laughed. “No. I haven’t been late in years.”

“Hm. Weird.” Peter forced a laugh and tried to focus on the movie while his mind raced.

“You’re telling me. My boobs hurt like a bitch.” You whined and pulled the blanket up to your chin.

“Ahem, I could help with that, m’lady.” Peter smirked and held up both his hands. You looked at him for a long time with a disgusted expression before turning back to the movie.

“I want pretzels.” You said.

“Coming right up.” Peter jumped off the couch and ran to the kitchen. Sam saw him leave and got up to go after him.

“How’s it going?” He asked Peter once they were alone in the kitchen.

“I don’t know.” Peter sighed. “She hasn’t told me anything yet.”

“Is she showing any other signs?”

“She said she thinks she gained weight but I can’t really tell. I don’t think about that stuff. I just see her and I’m like “oh my god it’s a girl”. Have you noticed anything else?”

“I mean, I wasn’t gonna say anything, but I saw her rip the wrong banana from the bunch and broke down crying.” Sam admitted.

“Oh no. Is craving bananas a symptom of pregnancy?”

“No, idiot. Mood swings are. For your future child’s sake, I really hope she isn’t actually pregnant. No one deserves this dumb of a father.”

“I know.” Peter whined. “What do I do? I’m freaking out.”

“I’m sure she’ll tell you soon. And if she doesn’t, you’ll find out anyway. It’s kinda hard to hide a pregnancy after a few months. Just relax, man.”

“Okay. You’re right.” Peter agreed. “I’m not gonna freak out until I know there’s something to worry about. Now excuse me while I pee out this apple juice.”

Peter walked away from Sam and went into the bathroom. After peeing, he blew his nose and went to throw it out when he saw something strange in the trash. He frowned and pulled it out before feeling all the color drain from his face.

“Oh no.” He said gravely. In his hand was a pregnancy test with two red lines.

“Positive? What? Are you sure?” Peter whispered harshly and shook the test. The lines stayed the same and Peter felt his stomach drop. All those moments of thinking everything would be okay seemed so far away now. Now that it was real and not just an idea, Peter felt overwhelmed. You were really pregnant and he really didn’t know what to do. He felt his heart start to race and he fell against the door with the test in his hand. You heard Peter thud against the door and went to go investigate.

“Peter? Are you okay in there?” You asked as you knocked against the door.

“Go away! I’m pooping!” Peter screamed as he ran the test under hot water to try to change the answer.

“Why is that always your response?” You sighed and walked away. Peter waited until you were gone before sneaking out of the bathroom. He went to go find Sam and yanked him into another room.

“Dude. It’s true. She’s pregnant.” Peter said and handed Sam the test.

“Oh shit. Are you sure?” Sam asked and shook the test.

“I already tried that. It’s true. She’s pregnant.” Peters mouth went dry as he said it out loud. It felt even more real now and he didn’t know how to handle it.

“Dude. This is serious. Aren’t you guys in like middle school?”

“We’re both in college. But still. I’m not ready to be a dad. I can’t even take care of myself. Look at this rash.” Peter whined and lifted his shirt to show Sam the red ring around his armpit.

“Oh my God. What the hell is that?” Sam grimaced and raised his hands to protect himself from Peters rash.

“A rash. Like I said.” Peter said flatly. “I think I’m allergic to my deodorant.”

“So use a different one.”

“But I like how this one smells. It’s called Flannel, see?” Peter said and got closer to Sam with his arm raised.

“Get your armpitt out of my face before I make it where you can’t have anymore kids.” Sam warned and Peter put his shirt down.

“What am I supposed to do?” He whined. “Mr. Stark is gonna kill me. And then May is gonna kill me. And then Y/n’s parents. I’m gonna die three times. Three times!”

“Yeah. No, I agree. You’re definitely fucked.” Sam agreed.

“What? That’s not helping!”

“I’m sorry dude, but how am I supposed to help you in this situation?”

“I don’t know. Tell me it’s all gonna be okay?”

“Is it? You’re not out of college yet and neither is she. Neither of you have jobs that can support a child. And it’s not like you live together either. Where would the baby even stay? Your crappy apartment? Or here at this tower full of nuclear weapons and glass windows that aren’t baby proof?”

“I didn’t even think of those things.” Peter realized and started to panic all over again.

“Clearly you don’t think at all. How did this even happen?”

“From sex.” Peter whispered and covered his mouth.

“I know that.” Sam rolled his eyes. “But don’t you guys use protection?”

“Of course. Always. Wrap it before you tap it. On god.”

“Well is she on the pill?”

“What pill?”

“You know. The pill.”

“Tylenol?” Peter asked.

“Oh my God. This poor baby.” Sam groaned and rubbed his eyes.

“What am I gonna do Sam? I’m not ready to be a father. I only had one until I was 9. What if the kid turns ten? I don’t have any examples of being a father past age 9. What am I gonna do?” Peter whined and shook Sam by the shoulders.

“She could get an abortion?” Sam suggested.

“Maybe but that’s not up to me. If she wants to keep this baby, we’re keeping the baby.”

“Maybe it won’t be so bad. Have you ever babysat?”

“Just Ned’s tomagotchi. And it died. Like, immediately.”

“Well lucky for you, Y/n is gonna make a great mom. You’ve seen how caring she is. She takes care of all of us when we get sick. And she gets weirdly excited to do it too. If you so much as sneeze around her she runs to get you a thermometer and a blanket. And she knows all the passwords for streaming services.”

“You’re right. She’s got this. I can learn from her.” Peter said and started to calm down.

“Are you gonna tell her you know?”

“No. She deserves to tell me in her own way on her own time.” Peter decided.

“I think that’s smart. In the meantime, you should probably hit the books. There seems to be a lot you don’t know.”

“You’re right.” Peter realized. “I need to know what to expect when I’m expecting.”

“Can I be honest?” Sam asked.

“Sure.”

“I kinda thought that between the two of you, you’d be the one to carry the baby. Not her.” Sam told him.

“No, I get that.” Peter nodded in agreement.

That night, Peter opened his laptop and started to research everything he could on pregnancy.

“I’m gonna the father the shit out of this kid.” He whispered to himself before diving into his research. By the time the sun came up, his eyes were red and glazed over. His hands were cramping from all the typing and his back was stiff beyond repair. He had spent the night reading every article he could find and took extensive notes. He shut his laptop when he heard birds outside and padded out of his room. When he walked into the kitchen, he saw you about to take a bite of a bagel with lox.

“No!” Peter screamed and shot a web at your bagel. He yanked it away from you and threw it at the cabinet, where it stuck. Everyone turned to look at Peter and he felt his face heat up.

“What the hell was that?” You laughed in surprise.

“You can’t be eating that in your condition.” Peter blurted.

“What condition is that?” You asked and Peter realized he had said too much.

“Um, dating a boy who thinks fish is gross?” He smiled weakly.

“It’s just lox. Try it. I think you’ll like it.” You said and started to make another bagel. He realized that if he ate the rest of the lox, you couldn’t eat any. He had read in his research that uncooked fish was not safe for pregnant women to eat but it seemed like you didn’t know that yet. Keeping it away from you without telling you what he knew was his best bet.

“Okay. Yeah.” Peter reluctantly agreed and sat next to you at the table. You handed him your bagel with the fish on top and he gagged a little. Peter the opened his mouth and shoved the entire bagel inside. He chewed it slowly and gagged every so often.

“You ate the whole thing.” You said in disbelief over what you had just witnessed.

“Uh huh.” Peter said with a full mouth.

“Did you like it?” You laughed and wiped some cream cheese off his mouth.

“Yeah. Yummy.” Peter said weakly. He turned his head a little and gagged loud enough for you to hear.

“Peter, if you don’t like it, don’t eat it.”

“I love it.” He lied and kept chewing. He slowly swallowed the massive bite and made a face as it went down.

“Do you want to throw up?” You asked him.

“Yes please.” He nodded. You brought Peter to the bathroom and held his messy hair back as he threw up into the toilet. Once it was all out, he rested against the wall. He caught sight of the garbage can, the very one ye had found your pregnancy test in.

“Soon, this will be me helping you throw up.” He said.

“What?”

“What?” Peter said quickly when he realized what he had said.

“Are you feeling okay?” You laughed and checked his forehead.

“Are you?” He genuinely asked, wanting to know if you were experiencing morning sickness yet.

“Yeah. Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” Peter lied. You found his behavior strange but decided not to question it further. You knew Peter well enough to know that this was just how he behaved sometimes. You brought him back to the kitchen and made him some tea for his tummy as Peter watch d carefully from his seat. He felt himself relax for the first time since finding the test. Now that he had some some research and remembered how good you were at taking care of people, he felt more confident in your combined skills as parents.

That feeling was confidence was shaken later that day when Peter went into your room to find you. He pushed open your bathroom door and found you sectioning your hair into parts with the faucet running. Beside the sink was your hair straightener. Peter gasped dramatically and yanked the plug out of the wall before shutting off the water.

“Are you crazy? What the are you doing?” He asked as he took the straighter out of your hands.

“Doing my hair? Is that okay?” You laughed in confusion and reached for the straitened.

“You can’t be using this when the waters running. What if you drop it into the sink and get electrocuted?” Peter said as he held the straightener up.

“I’m not sure it works like that. I think it the sink would have to be full of water.”

“Oh. Well I don’t know how hair straighteners work, okay? I’m not God.”

“Peter, you’re being ridiculous. More than usual. Let me straighten my hair. I have to go out tonight.” You whined and took the straitener from him.

“Go out where?”

“It’s Kate’s birthday. We’re gonna go to karaoke and then go to a bar.” You explained as your ran a section of hair through your straightener.

“A bar?!” Peter nearly screamed.

“Yes, oh my God.” You laughed at his outburst. “What’s with you today?”

“What’s with me? What’s with you? You know you’re not supposed to drink when you’re…” Peter trailed off and you looked at him in confusion.

“When I’m what?”

“When you’re on medication.” He said quickly. “Obviously that’s what I was going to say. I saw you take Tylenol before. You’re not supposed to mix alcohol and medicine.”

“That was just for my back pain. I think I’ll be okay.”

“Please don’t go out tonight.” Peter whined and wrapped his arms around you. You stopped doing your hair and turned around in his arms to face him.

“Why not?” You wondered.

“Because…” Peter trailed off as he desperately tried to think of something. He only knew one thing that would be sure to get you to stay.

“Because I’m not feeling so good.” He lied and faked a cough.

“Oh no. You’re sick?” You gasped and felt his forehead.

“Yeah. So sick. Tony must’ve given me whatever he has. I feel horrible.” Peter whined and clutched his stomach.

“But Tony’s throat was bothering him. Does your stomach too?” You asked when you saw what Peter was doing. Peter realized he was faking the wrong illness and nodded.

“Oh yeah. My throat and my stomach hurts. And I think I’m getting a fever too. And my toe fell off.” He laid it on thick to get you to stay.

“Aw. Poor baby.” You pouted and pulled him into your arms.

“Baby?” Peter whispered in fear.

“I’ll take care of you, okay? I’ll tell Kate I can’t make it.” You smiled sweetly as you cupped his face. Peter felt bad for lying to you but he couldn’t let you go out drinking if you were pregnant.

“Thanks, honey bee. You’re the best.” He smiled back. You took his hand and brought him to his room to tuck him into bed. Peter felt guilty all over again when you went to go make him some soup. He was feeling perfectly fine so your efforts were for nothing. You came back and fed him the soup, making him feel even worse about lying.

“I feel like Peeta in the cave.” Peter joked as you held the spook to his lips.

“Ugh, dirty Peeta in the cave is so hot. I would’ve won the games with the things I’d do to that man on camera. I’ll tell you that.”

“Wait, what?” Peter sat up and looked at you.

“How about some tea?” You smiled sweetly as you changed the subject.

“Can we circle back to what you just said about-“

“I’ll go make some.” You cut him off as you left his room. You came back soon with a hot mug of tea for Peter. He was already sweating under the blankets you tucked him into and the hot soup, so tea was the last thing he wanted. But he felt that that’s what he deserved for lying to you.

“Oh, no. You’re so sweaty. You must be getting a fever.” You frowned once Peter had finished his tea.

“Oh no. Must be.” Peter laughed weakly and discreetly fanned his face.

“I know what will make you feel better.” You said and climbed into Peters lap. You started to kiss his neck and he went into high alert mode.

“What are you doing?” He asked and gently moved you back.

“Kissing you?”

“With a suggestive undertone.” He replied, sounding accusatory.

“Is that a problem?” You laughed and bent down to kiss his neck again. He pulled you off and looked at you in disbelief.

“You want to have sex? The very thing that caused this?”

“Huh? Caused what?” You asked.

“The pregnancy.” He said like it was obvious. Peter slapped his hand over his mouth as you tilted your head in confusion.

“Wait, what? What pregnancy?”

“Your pregnancy.”

“My pregnancy?” You asked as you sat back on your knees. Peter sat up as well and pushed the blankets off himself.

“I’m sorry. But I know.” Peter admitted with a sigh.

“Know what?” You laughed in confusion.

“You don’t have to pretend anymore, honey bee. I already know about the pregnancy.” Peter said as he took your hands.

“Wait, I’m confused. Who’s pregnant?” You asked him.

“You are.” He said simply.

“I’m pregnant?” You asked and pointed to yourself.

“Yes. You’re pregnant.”

“Me?” You asked and looked behind you for who else he might be talking to.

“Yes, you.” He urged and shook your hands.

“Hold on. Who told you I was pregnant?” You laughed at how serious he was.

“You did.” Peter said like it was obvious.

“Me?” You questioned and pointed to yourself again.

“You’re the only one in the room right now.”

“Peter, I never said I was pregnant. I think I would remember saying something like that.”

“That’s because you didn’t say it with words. You’ve just been dropping hints like crazy. The sore back, the eating of salt and vinegar chips-“

“Those are-“

“No they’re not.” He cut you off before you could defend them.

You stared at Peter as you tried to gage if he was being serious or not. He stared back at you as he tried to figure out if you were upset or relieved that he knew.

“Also I found this positive pregnancy test in the trash.” He said as he pulled the test out of his pocket. You took the test from him and looked at it for a long time. Peters heart raced as he waited for your reaction. Finally, you flipped the test over and showed him what it said on the back.

“This is a strep throat test.” You said calmly.

“What?!” Peter shrieked and took the test back. Sure enough, the back said “rapid strep throat test” in raised letters.

“Tony has strep throat. You knew this.”

“This looks exactly like a pregnancy test.” Peter defended as he showed you the test again.

“Peter, this looks nothing like a pregnancy test. Do you know what a pregnancy test looks like?”

“Apparently not.” Peter scoffed. You stared at him for a minute before cracking up laughing.

“You really thought I was pregnant? That’s why you didn’t let me eat fish or straighten my hair? And tried to stop Natasha from cracking my back? Which I still don’t see the correlation, by the way.”

“I didn’t want you or the baby to be in harms way. What if the straighter shocked you and the baby came out like the Flash? What if it just ran right out of your womb? Or what if Natasha squeezed you so hard and the baby popped out like a rocket?”

“You know shocking little about pregnancy.”

“I know. But as nervous as I was, I was also kinda excited.” Peter admitted. “I know you’re the person I’m gonna be with forever. It would be nice to have a little one that was a combination of the both of us.”

“And one day, we will have one.” You assured him. “And hopefully, they’ll inherit my intelligence over yours.”

“I hope so too.” Peter chuckled. You leaned down to kiss him and he felt himself fully relax for the first time in days.

“I hope you know that if we do have a kid one day, you’re carrying it. I’m not getting fat.” You told him once you pulled away.

“I don’t know if that’s medically possibly yet. Not for cis men, anyway.“

“We’ll find a way.” You shrugged. “We can ask Bruce. You can be like a seahorse! Or Cosmo from the Fairly Oddparents.”

“I’d do it for you, honey.”

“I know you would. That’s why I know you’re my forver person too.” You smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. Peter pulled you into his lap and slipped his hand behind your head to deepen the kiss.

“So, now that we know you’re not pregnant…” Peter trailed off and played with the buttons on your shirt. You caught on to what he was suggesting and laughed as you pushed his face away.

“Not a chance.”

Tag List 🏷️

@thebookwormlife @imanativeofswlondondahling

@tom-hollands-wifey

@whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings

@imyourliquor-youremypoison @andreasworlsboring101

@peterparkoure

@justcallmehitgirl @jackiehollanderr

@emmamarshmellow @unbelievableholland

@sovereignparker @every-marveler-ever @undiadeestos @eridanuswave

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@quaksonhehe @lovelessdagger

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@hallecarey1 @adayasgeorgia @blackwidowisthebest @imawhoreforu

@nellabellaa @pinklxmonade-blog @boogywoogywoogy @ciarahollands

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afeelgoodblog · 1 year

Text

The Best News of Last Week - January 09, 2023

1. Top British universities offer Afghan women free courses until Taliban lift learning ban

Afghanistan's ruling Taliban announced last month that women would no longer be able to study at universities and higher education establishments. Institutions were told to implement the ban as soon as possible.

Now, a number of British universities have teamed up through FutureLearn to offer the women in Afghanistan free access to digital learning platforms. Girls and women with internet access will be able to study more than 1,200 courses from top institutions at no cost to themselves.

2. Arizona Gov. Katie Hobbs extends protections to LGBTQ+ state employees and contractors

Arizona’s newly elected Gov. Katie Hobbs (D) signed an executive order extending employment protections to state employees and contractors who are LGBTQ+.

As the Human Rights Campaign reports, the executive order, signed on Hobbs’s first day in office Tuesday, directs the state’s Department of Administration to update hiring, promotion, and compensation policies for all state agencies to prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity and include provisions in all new state contracts to prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

3. EU Carbon Emissions Drop To 30-Year Lows

It was supposed to be a dirty autumn and winter, with European nations scrambling to replace Russian gas with high-polluting coal. But according to the Centre for Research on Energy and Clean Air, the cold seasons so far have been the cleanest in more than 30 years.

4. Critically endangered rhinoceros gives birth to calf at Kansas City Zoo on New Year's Eve

The Kansas City Zoo got a special start to the new year: A critically endangered subspecies of rhinoceros gave birth to a calf on Dec. 31, officials announced. The calf is walking, nursing and even playing with its mother, Zuri, animal specialists said.

5. Cancer Vaccine to Simultaneously Kill and Prevent Brain Cancer Developed

Scientists are harnessing a new way to turn cancer cells into potent, anti-cancer agents. A new stem cell therapy approach eliminates established brain tumors and provides long-term immunity, training the immune system to prevent cancer from returning.

link to the paper …

6. The US has approved use of the world's first vaccine for honey bees.

It was engineered to prevent fatalities from American foulbrood disease, a bacterial condition known to weaken colonies by attacking bee larvae. As pollinators, bees play a critical role in many aspects of the ecosystem.

The vaccine could serve as a "breakthrough in protecting honey bees", Dalan Animal Health CEO Annette Kleiser said in a statement. It works by introducing an inactive version of the bacteria into the royal jelly fed to the queen, whose larvae then gain immunity.

7. Cat missing for nearly 6 years reunited with owner thanks to microchip

West Sacramento woman got the surprise of a lifetime Saturday when she was reunited with her missing cat after nearly 6 years thanks to microchip.

- - -

That's it for this week. If you liked this post you can support this newsletter with a small kofi donation:

Buy me a coffee ❤️

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#best news of last week

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saintsenara · 1 month

Note

I’m curious why you loathe the implication that wizards are immune to muggle diseases. Is it because it reinforces the idea that they aren’t really the same species as muggles?

thank you very much for the ask, @urupotter!

and the answer is - yes, pretty much.

how the body is understood, how illness and disability are thought about, how the medical system works etc. are all questions that i am primed to obsess over in any piece of media - even when they're not actually significant parts of the story.

which is to say, i completely understand the reason why the harry potter series treats these topics in the way it does. magical medicine isn't one of the themes the story is designed to focus on - which means that its purpose is as incidental worldbuilding detail which reinforces the whimsical vibe of the earlier books and the darker vibe of the later ones, and which means that its treatment in the text makes sense within the setting and genre conventions of canon. harry being able to take a bludger - a cast-iron cannonball moving at speed - to the head and living to tell the tale is the same as john wick being able to fall from a great height, land on his back, and then get up and walk around: he's an action hero in a fantasy.

and so wizards being more physically durable than muggles - and also wizards having their own magical diseases, and being immune to muggle ones - all makes sense within the context of the books as literature. kids don't want to read about harry having a cold. they want to read about him being a wizard.

but when i'm deciding to enjoy myself by taking the question of just how fucked-up wizarding society is much more seriously than canon does... the implication that wizards are immune to muggle diseases and that they are broadly unaffected by physical trauma unless that trauma has a magical cause really bothers me. entirely - as you say - because it directly undermines the series' thesis that the purity of magical blood is irrelevant and that the wizarding world's dehumanisation of muggles and muggleborns by treating them as, essentially, separate, lower species is wrong.

the main canon example of this which i detest is dumbledore's suggestion in half-blood prince that merope gaunt could have survived childbirth if she'd simply "raised her wand to save her own life". after all, if a little bit of magic makes one immune to experiencing complications during childbirth [unlike thousands upon thousands of muggles throughout history, who would probably have very much liked to have lived to see their children grow up]... then voldemort is completely justified in thinking merope's death was a selfish, shameful, deliberate choice.

[i do understand that the idea merope chose to die is primarily included in the text so dumbledore can segue into saying that lily "had a choice too", contributing to the gradual reveal in half-blood prince and deathly hallows that she's the key to the whole mystery. but i still think that jkr could maybe have though a little bit harder about what she was suggesting with this than she evidently did...]

and so i think in fandom it's both fun and important not to accept the idea that wizards are automatically resistant to anything which might kill, injure, or disable a muggle - especially because it lets us really play with some of the big worldbuilding questions surrounding the conventions and institutions of wizarding society.

what do disability rights look like in a world which is so rabidly intolerant of difference, and which appears not to have any sort of welfare state? the nhs is a recent invention, created in a muggle britain which is culturally and institutionally separate from the wizarding one: so is treatment at st mungo's free - and, if not, what happens to those who can't pay? how is queerness understood in a society which appears to have views on sexual expression which are fairly conservative - and how does this mean the wizarding state responded to the aids crisis? what do reproductive rights look like in this kind of society? if the dementor's kiss results in - essentially - a vegetative state, what is done with the people the kiss has been performed on? what might it be like for your relative to develop dementia at 100... when you know they might live to 250? what impact do biases about blood status have on how muggleborn patients are treated?

i just think it's interesting!

#asks answered #on medicine

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lilac-den · 11 months

Text

Just A Little Cold

A snippet of Lucifer and Perida, the parents of Silverking's MC! :D Enjoy~

"Ciffy, calm down-"

"How can I possibly calm down?" Lucifer growls out. "In what possibility must I be calm about this?"

Perida sighs. "I understand you're in a panic, but the doctor said it is merely a cold."

"A cold could lead to a fever, and a fever could lead to something worse."

"Yes, but our child will pull through." Perida watches her husband pace back and forth from her spot on the couch. "They'll be fine."

"Just because the percentage of death by illness for children is down by 72% doesn't mean it isn't a possibility." He never realizes just how worrying this is. He has read every book, every article, every medical information he can to prevent [Name] from catching an illness at an early age.

He understands this will help build their immune system. He understands a child could contract a cold from time to time.

But one that can lead to little [Name] lying in bed with flustered cheeks, a heightened temperature and little whimpers that tug against his chest in panic?

A hand stops him from his pacing. He looks at the hand, then at Perida, who is smiling so gently at him, it feels as if everything is right in the world.

Then again, she has always made him feel like this since the day they first met.

"Ciffy," Perida tugs him lightly and he sits next to her on the couch easily, as if that light tug is enough to pull everything about him to her. "[Name] will be fine." She smiles again, not an edge of worry on her face.

Then Lucifer furrows his brows at Perida. "Why are you so unperturbed by this?"

He knows his wife isn't heartless. Hell, she's usually the one who frets and worries most. She's known to be quite impulsive and emotional, so the expected reaction would be constant 'mothering' as she once called it when winter rolled in and she needed to keep [Name] warm.

She laughs. "I'm just happy [Name] has such a doting father. It's so rare to see you panic so..."

"Recklessly?"

"Humanely."

Lucifer's lips pinch together and his eyes narrow. Perida reaches up to cup him on the cheek, brushing a thumb along it. He lets her and leans into the palm of her hand until he moves a hand up to grasp for it, thumb pressing against the back of her hand.

"The doctor says [Name] just needs to rest and not overexert themselves. He also gave us some medicine too." Perida tilts her head and gets a better look at her husband's face. "It's just a cold."

Lucifer's frown softens, but not entirely. "Even a cold can kill."

"Not when we're here."

At this, Lucifer lets out a long sigh. He should be the sensible one. The logical one. The one who has the knowledge and objectiveness to see sense.

Perida seems to read something easily on his usually stoic face as the next thing she says is, "To err is human, Ciffy."

Lucifer frowns. "But I don't wish to make one, not if you or [Name] is at risk."

Perida looks understanding at his words. No, she is understanding of it. He knows because her expression turns to one of seriousness.

"Ciffy," Perida whispers to him and sits closer, her free hand moving for his other one to clasp it tight in her hold, "you are nothing like them."

"You..." Lucifer wants to tell her that she doesn't even know them, but then he remembers that she does know them. Through his memories. Through the parts of him that he hadn't dared shared with anyone else.

"Well, for one, you were there for [Name]'s birth."

A quirk of a smile escapes him. "Any decent parent would do so. It's the bare minimum."

"Oh, I know." Perida raises a brow. "But a parent who was fighting a dangerous Mind Flayer ended the mission in record-breaking time by sending mental threats so gruesome, they crumbled in submission just so he can be there for the first contraction?" Her hand squeezes his. "You've far past the bare minimum, Ciffy." She grins at him flirtatiously. "You very much ruined the standards of husbands for me."

"In all fairness, your standards of a significant other were near non-existent before we met."

She scoffs, mirth playing on her lips. "That's rich, coming from you."

Lucifer chuckles at his wife's response and closes his eyes, relishing the warmth of his wife and the comfort she provides. To hear Perida call him a great parent, or see him as such, feels like a dream.

If anyone was to tell Lucifer he would have a beautiful future with a loving wife and a most precious life, he would have chalked it up to pure insanity or the drivels of an idealist. But he knows it to be real now. He's here, holding Perida's hand and their precious Terrorbyte is sleeping with recovery in the comforts of their bedroom. He still remembered the day they were born. After the nurses cleaned and wrapped [Name] in a soft blanket and pass them to him, he never thought his large, scarred hands would cradle a life worth more than his own, seen by the woman who granted him a future he never thought possible. It was almost like he was in it right-

He opens his eyes with a pointed gaze. "Perida..."

A wide smile spreads on her face. "Guilty."

He chuckles lowly, which makes Perida smile all the more gentler. He moves his head a little, placing a soft kiss upon the heel of her hand before murmuring. "How could I be so fortunate to have you and [Name]?"

At this, Perida answers smoothly and knowingly, "You know exactly why." She tells him gently. "You just have a hard time believing it to be true."

She leans in and plants a peck, soft and short yet leaving him with fulfilment in his heart just as much as their first kiss had done. Perida stands from the couch, her hand off his face but their intertwined hands are still connected.

"Come on." Perida grins widely this time. "Let's check on the little one. I'm sure they're bored out of their mind in bed."

"Perhaps you can try one of your new bedtime stories." Lucifer stands but he doesn't let go of her hand. At his mention, Perida hums.

"Good idea." Her eyes twinkle with glee. "But you know I won't let you get out of this easily. I'll be asking you to provide some voice acting too. You know how much [Name] loves hearing you voicing the characters."

"I'm terrible at them."

"You're terrible at voice acting." The twinkle in Perida's eyes seems to turn into sparks for Lucifer. A spark of pure adoration. "But we both love you too much to exclude you. Shall we get going?"

Lucifer, enchanted by that spark she has always held, lifts their intertwined hands and allows his lips to place a chaste kiss upon the back of her hand, his eyes warm and focused on Perida.

"Yes." he speaks attentively, lowly and unrelentingly enamoured, "my core."

#silverking #Lucifer #Perida #snippet

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saltygilmores · 6 months

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THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: SEASON 3, EPISODE 2: HAUNTED LEG-TUMBLR IS HUNGIE AND KEEPS EATING MY POSTS

The Netflix synopses (synopseses? Synposi? Where are you, Jess Mariano? You're my only hope) made this episode seem like it was going to be heavily En-Crusty'd (Christopher focused) but then the lovely @frazzledsoul told me that in this episode Rory takes Christopher to school (metaphorically) and this is also the episode where Jess takes RORY down a peg in a GLORIOUS confrontation at Doose's Market. If there's one thing I love seeing in Gilmore GIrls it's a good peg lowering. In fact, it gives me such immense satisfaction to see Rory in particular get taken down a peg that the three times Dean does it to her are the only times I actually side with Dean. Let the Notch-Taking-Down Party commence. But first....Happy 18th birthday, Jess! You're legal, mister! I am solidly and forever in the Late August/ Early September Birthday Camp (I have my reasons) and we're already there on the show! It's been almost a year since he arrived in Stars Hollow as a 17 year old! I'm gonna make it easy and say it was September 1st.

Now you can visit the strip club, and buy porn and cigarettes legally! You're a man now! (well, at least you could buy cigarettes at 18 years old 20 years ago. It's 21 now). Episode begins with Emily still being predictably salty about last week's FND, where Lorelai snuck out of the house while her parents were fighting over her breakup with Crusty.

Don't listen to her. You do can do whatever you want, even while you're on the clock. My little shmushkins. My apple dumpling. My peach tart. My banana muffin. My jelly donut. You're gonna make a bazillion dollars with your books some day and show em all. *pinches his cheeks* Lorelai is coming down with an illness which I shall diagnose as mononucleosis (aka the kissing disease) that she contracted from making out with Dean Forrester.

Lorelai has no qualms about leaving the house to eat out every single day in a crowded diner and spread her germs all over town, instead of keeping her ass in bed, I guess. She's also incapable of purchasing and opening a can of soup and dumping it in a pot on the stove (or hell, even sticking it in the microwave) so she wakes up each day and chooses to be a Disease Vector. If she wasn't (presumably) still married to Luke in 2020 to cook her meals for her at home I don't know how she survived the pandemic. Luke: You know what helps a cold? A healthy immune system. You know how to get a healthy system? By not eating crap and blowing out your brain cells with coffee. Eat a vegetable now and then or some high fiber cereal. At least eat the carrots in the soup? Three minutes in and he's already Insulting Lorelai (while, uh, also insulting himself at the same time?) Whee, I'm loving this episode already! More Peg-Lowering, please! Several people on this show are going to be HUMBLED and I am HERE for it. But why is Luke always downselling food that he puts on his own menu? I know Lorelai and Rory don't ever pay him anyway, but doesn't he want to attempt to make some money? "My food will make you fat and sick and kill your brain cells. Don't eat it. Go eat somewhere else." Or is it that he's a-okay with poisoning the rest of Stars Hollow with copious amounts of junk food but wants to spare Lorelai and Rory the same fate? One would also suppose he doesn't actually have said vegetables or fiber rich cereal on his menu in the first place (it's a fucking diner) and that would mean Lorelai would have to pour herself her own cereal at home. Perish the thought. Is Luke secretly some kind of California Hipster in denial? Would he be more at home opening some kind of vegan cafe where he serves wheat grass shots and kombucha and avacado toast, you know, all the stuff Milo Ventimiglia eats. (But Milo’s a big junk food junky too, he's a bit of a paradox, that man). What does he feed Jess, by the way? In his first appearance he was planning to stuff his already neglected and malnourished nephew full of Corn Flakes and Pop Tarts.

Grandpa here is going to live to be 115 probably, but only if you shut up, you're already sending him to an early grave.

EVERYONE STOP EATING AND TALKING. THE QUEEN HAS ARRIVED! Anyone else think its funny that Lorelai and Rory and Luke are ilke the mayors of Stars Hollow who know everything down to when the mailman's dog farts but nobody knows who Shane is, where she came from, who her family is, when she moved in, where she lives, how she ended up with Jess...ANYTHING? Nobody even seems to know her name? Silence from Miss Patty and Babette? Lane and Dean never informed Rory that Jess was never in school, that he supposedly pulled the fire alarm, stole 500 baseballs, etc etc. again, shouldn't Lane be absolutely losing her mind to spill this piping hot tea that Jess has been hooking up with some mysterious blond skankbag all summer? And Dean too, shouldn't he always be dying to tell Rory anything that would cast Jess in an unfavorable light and make her think less of him? What is with this town where they'll hold an emergency meeting because he drew on a sidewalk with some chalk but when he actually does something worth talking about, nobody wants to narc on him? They fear him, that's what it is. What is Shane's last name by the way? I made up a poll and asked you to decide on her last name and I'm currently awaiting the results, which I will use going forward.

Jess and Shane continue to give Rory Gilmore a sexual awakening so immense it could knock our fucking solar system out of alignment. That boom you just heard was Jupiter and Saturn crashing into one another from the sheer force of Rory Gilmore's quivering loins.

Tomatos Sign. I wonder how much money Jessica Kiper was paid to stick her tongue in Milo's mouth and say "Hey" and "Jess". Did she have to audition? I would do the job for free. I would keep screwing up just so the director could yell "Cut" and I could do as many takes as possible. Warner Brothers could own me for the rest of my life just for that opportunity.

Meow! All she did was say his name, lol. Someone's cranky. You know what would cure that bad mood? A good handjob from Shane (last name soon to be announced). This whole "no strings attached sexual gratification" deal that was seemingly dropped in his lap? Meh, whatever. He'll do it, but he'll be reading the entire time. Meanwhile, this is Dean waiting 5 years for Rory to put out:

(By the way, Mr. Mariano, don't ever tell a woman to "relax") Jess sighs and leaves in the middle of his shift (Lorelai should be proud), leaving his customers wondering where their pancakes are, to go have sex with Shane somewhere public and indecent, leaving Rory in their horny wake. Perhaps Jess has the intuition that the cold, clammy, looming hand of Celibacy (aka his own hand and a jumbo size bottle of lotion) will soon be upon him so he better seize these opportunities.

Love it when she says shit like this as if her boyfriend Dean Forrester is some fucking chatterbox (he'll grunt a few words as he's also a typical teenage boy like Jess and she'll go "That's So INTERESTING Dean! Do go on. I love you, little buttered croissant"), and also like she should actually expect Jess to talk around her when he knows she's going to pick on him even worse if he does have something to say.

Too late. That's hilarious- I forgot that Dean was about to show up just now and prove my point.

She's still wearing that stupid quarter on a string on her wrist. I will give this show credit for being very consistent with some of the small details like this. Every day for 2+ years straight, Alexis Bledel shows up at Wardrobe and they slap that thing on her wrist. That cup is HUGE.

Yeah. What? I could teach a comatose goldfish to say "I already ate breakfast." The hell is your point?

Oh god. It's that episode where Kirk and Lorelai go on a "Date". I do not remember how it goes but I'm gonna take a stab in the dark here and predict that it was sufficiently awkward. Honestly...Lorelai has done MUCH worse before and will continue to do much worse than Kirk. Mommy issues aside, Kirk has more redeeming qualities than Max or Crusty. Like, at least Kirk is ambitious. Lorelai is still only a few months removed from banging Crusty who wouldn't know the meaning of hard work if it bit him in the ass. I hope something bites Crusty in the ass. Like a rabid possum. Kirk...."Let's go out...In two weeks. I heard you have a cold. It takes two weeks for a virus to leave the immune system." He's also smart and would survive the pandemic. "You might be the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Outside of a filthy magazine."

It's the first day of senior year for Rory and our other Stars Hollow teens.

It's all downhill for Rory after high school.

Nobody tell her. L: I cannot go out with Kirk! R: Why not? L: He's Kirk! Poor Neurodivergent Kirk.

Fixed it.

i was about to say "What the what! Lorelai is actually pouring her own cereal?" but it's Rory wno's making her own breakfast and Lorelai is just pouring marshmallows into the bowl (who does that? That's not a thing. Here in The United States of America, there are already cereals that come with marshmallows). I mean, at least she's eating at home and "helping". Good for you for helping to feed to your chiild, Lorelai. Even if she's eschewing the (marginally) more healthy Raisin Bran in favor of Rice Krispies. I'm going to add a new feature to the ends of these posts: I call it: Things Googled While Watching GIlmore GIrls. Birthday Party Icons, How Old To Buy CIgarettes in Connecticut, Definition of Proclivities, How Many Words Can A Parrot Learn

#denise rewatches gilmore girls #haunted leg #gilmore girls season 3 #lorelai gilmore #rory gilmore #luke danes #jess mariano #Shane #Kirk Gleason #Happy Birthday Jess #My Sweet Little Virgo Boy #My LIttle Bowl Of Rice Krispies with Marshmallows #Birthday Smooches #I was watching the marhsmallows thing and thinking #AmyShermanPalladino might not actually be an Earthling #Human Beings do not eat Parmesan sprinkle cheese raw from the can either #nor did teenagers in 2001 make copious references to 1950’s television shows #it takes 50 years for television signals to reach Amy’s home planet so that’s why she’s behind

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yowyowyaoi · 8 months

Text

Nagato’s Daily Texts from the Akatsuki

From Hidan

Ok but what pill do you take? Because there’s no way you do her naturally.

Fuck him and his money.

Did you even look at the chair? There was BLONDE hair all over it! It was DEIDARA.

Make two more bodies but make them chicks. Bouncy bouncy 🤤

Just eat it man it’s freaky that we can count every one of your fucking ribs through your shirt …

For the last time I don’t eat them, I just kill them. That’s it. Ask plant-dick!!

Yeah but won’t your bones snap or some shit if you move outta that thing?!

Pleeeeeeeaaase Leader just let me preach one sermon to them all I can convert those fucks I know it!

He PUSHED ME DOWN THE STAIRS!! And then the old bastard blamed ME for it!!

We ALL deserve a raise!! What he gives us barely buys food for the week!

No because Lord Jashin does not consider animals to be sinners. It has to be humans or nothing.

From Itachi

No need, Kisame and I shall bring the tea to you.

If you wish but he’s likely to try and blow me up first.

One of meditation, one on healthy eating. I believe both would benefit you.

Sasori is gruff but he *helps*. His medicine *works*. If you feel awkward asking, command him.

She’s growing very quickly. Already catching mice on her own 🥰

I used to be scared but not anymore. The only thing I worry about is how it will affect Kisame.

I know what she means to you. She will be safe with us, I promise.

Don’t tell anyone yet but we’d be honored if you’d officiate for us. And I’m baking a large cake for everyone to share after.

He gets the job done but the cursing gives me an awful headache 🫤

You weren’t there so I left the dango on your table.

I don’t know if I can do a gengetsu strong enough to make him spend his money 🤔

From Kakuzu

They’re just whining. They’re fine.

The two bounties should be enough to pay our informants with some left over for base repairs.

His entire existence is a waste of money. You’d be doing everyone a favor if you just let me kill him.

For fuck’s sake, let them learn how to hunt and fish! *I* did when I was a young nin!!

I found a cheaper place. Smaller and the three idiots might have to bunk together but we’ll save a lot on utilities.

I have sewn that child’s arms back on THREE TIMES this week. Take away his clay he isn’t responsible with it!

Nothing is immortal. I’ll find a way to end him.

Your woman hits much harder than one would expect. Lesson learned.

What USE is he?! All he does is prance around after Deidara and babble nonsense! I’d bet money that if he took off that mask he’d be the highest bounty in my Bingo Book!

From Kisame

My many thanks, Leader.

Oh, apologies, that was me. I simply ate what Zetsu couldn’t finish.

If that brat even looks at Samehada again I’ll end his entire bloodline 😡

You’re looking rather pale lately. I tell Itachi to spend more time in the sun, perhaps you need to as well.

Define “dangerous” 🤔

We could carry you there. The locals swear that the lake has regenerative healing powers.

A bit more money would be nicer. Itachi sleeps better in Inns rather than camping in the cold.

He’s actually an excellent fisherman but he has to wear gloves or his hand-mouths start eating them raw.

I understand that you worry but believe me, she is more than capable of protecting herself.

I’m glad it makes him happy but I feel like she looks at me and thinks “dinner”. 😳

It’s a book about life after loss. I’m trying my best to prepare myself for the inevitable.

If he starts in on that Jashin crap again I’m taking his head and burying it where noone will ever find him.

From Sasori

Your biological limitations are what holds you back. You would benefit THE MOST from the puppet-transfer process.

You and her can find other ways to “be romantic”. But as easily compromised as your immune system is, I’d strongly advise against that.

Pushed? What am I, a child? He FELL. I can’t be held accountable for his own clumsiness. 🤦‍♂️

The new legs should be ready no later than three days from now.

I’m happy but falling for him was very clearly a horrible lapse of judgement on my part.

Take the two red pills when you first wake up, the blue capsule before you go to bed, and the small green one with food anytime you think your heartbeat seems irregular.

Mm, well, she is very aesthetically pleasing.

I don’t mind at all. Modifying the Pein-bodies gives me a much needed mental challenge.

I’ve tried to persuade him but he’s made it clear he’s not interested in prolonging his life. I have to respect his decision.

Ah, cake. One of the few things I miss from my eating days.

From Zetsu

We scouted out the location for them. Marked out the easiest way on the map.

He calls us a freak again and we eat his head right off the shoulders. His eternity can be spent in our stomach.

Foolhardy but very amusing. His little explosions liven up such a dreary organization.

The paper dance may have been the most beautiful thing we’ve ever seen. You’re truly a lucky man.

If it helps, our share can be divided amongst the others. No need for money.

Ah but the cloak truly irritates our delicate skin. We mostly travel underground anyway, does it matter if we wear it or not?

Can’t imagine a world in which one would *willingly* be preached to like that.

We merely wanted to pet the kitten. We weren’t going to eat it. Licking it was just what a mother cat would have done!

From Deidara

He’s literally just jealous because I look better than him!

It had nothing to do with my bombs, the guy got away because Tobi was watching the ducks instead of keeping watch on him like I told him to!

Of course! I can have your face and hair looking like new in no time!

Ffs I’m not going to explode her! I’m not crazy! Please make Uchiha just let me pet her!

Technically you’re like our father. I’m the youngest so I’m your responsibility. You CAN make him marry me, you CAN make Kakuzu throw us a reception and you CAN send us on a two week honeymoon. Sasori will come around to the idea. 🙃

Come have dinner with us. Kisame made the salmon just how you like it.

I’m not doing it on purpose! He’s not even using his own thread he’s using some cheap shit he found to save money! THAT’S why they keep coming detached!! 😡

What’s your favorite animal? I’ll make it for you.

I’m not a baby he doesn’t need to monitor me!

I would have brought it home because free milk but Kakuzu would have turned him into steaks 🙄

We stopped at the park after. I’ll send you pictures she looked so pretty on the swings

From “Tobi” / Obito

I bet he would if the puppet got put through the wood chipper 😊

He needs to be reigned in, his sacrifices attract far too much attention.

I’m surprised you want to take her there, considering how much you both hate the rain.

Doing the voice puts a horrible strain my on throat. Raw honey helps.

I’ve spent my whole life not going after what I want. I’m going after him. Period. Sasori be damned.

Itachi needs to be *forced* to take the medication. He’s too valuable to lose just yet.

The old man really picked the cheapest phones possible. The reception is horrible. We’d be better off communicating through smoke signals.

Let ME cook once in a while. “Tobi” would blow these fools’ minds.

From Konan

Of course not! You silly asshole 💙

I remember. It’s about the only good memory I have from that wretched place.

Think those new legs of yours can carry you to my room? I’ve got some exercises I think would help strengthen them 😏

Don’t stress out, I’ll deal with them. They’re more scared of me anyway.

Idc what he told you, DO NOT let him turn you into a puppet 😡 If he tries it I’m throwing him in the fireplace.

I mean yeah there’s Hidan and Deidara, but all in all I think this group turned out very well.

I made you a nice dinner. And your favorite dessert 😉

Kakuzu thinks they can live in the same room?! That fool will end up spending more on repairs than it would cost to just give them their own rooms!

All he ever wanted was for us to be happy and safe. We are. We’re very much honoring his memory.

Well you never sneezed around Chibi so the kitten should be fine for you to hold.

Not when they make me gain 100 pounds per bite 😖

I need that to be the case. Very badly.

Sounds like you and I are due for a little vacation, eh?

Working on this technique where I have bombs mixed in with the regular paper. Different colors. I’ll show you later.

Friends to lovers is the perfect story, don’t you agree?

“Mediating” is almost impossible. I just shut the people fighting into a room and pray the room is still intact when I come back later 😓

I don’t care, the Pein body isn’t YOU. I prefer it natural.

It was hilarious I yelled and they all looked terrified. Pretty sure I made Hidan pee his pants 😂

#nagato uzumaki #nagakona #nagato x konan #the akatsuki #hidan #deidara #itachi uchiha #obito uchiha #tobi #sasori #kakuzu #kisame hoshigaki #konan #zetsu #texting #Akatsuki Daily Texts Series

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flashyourgreeneyesatme · 2 years

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Sick as a dog. <Bradley Bradshaw x reader>

This is my first published piece of writing but my baby, Reese Withoutaspoon aka @greatbigshiningstar is sick with Covid, and I want to make her feel better even if I’m not where near her. Love you doll hope you can imagine Roost with this.

I hope you enjoy and anytime any one of you are sick just remember Bradley would buy you your favourite soup and cut your bread exactly the way you like it!

pairing: Bradley Bradshaw x (f)reader

word count: 1846

warnings: Mentions of feeling and being sick, Bradley’s awful dad jokes, way too many curse words and sexual references (if you really squint hard enough – haha hard)

summary: The reader is home sick from the flu she got from work (can be whatever job you want I’m not going to explicitly describe what job she does) and wants to just curl up and die. Will Rooster let her be alone? No! He protect. He attack. He’s got his baby’s back! Just a cute little drabble of Bradley looking after her.

Pain. Pain is all I could feel, coursing through my body and destroying everything in its path. It's like if you gave the basic flu weapons and said, 'have at it!'. Now all I can think about are cartoon germs with machine guns shooting at my immune system until there is nothing left to destroy. Now, I'm an averagely smart person I obviously know that they don't have weapons and aren't shooting me from the inside but right now if you told me to stand up straight and count to ten, I'd be doing the macarena and wouldn't even notice the difference. I go to cuddle my pillow until I realise, I'm not even in bed I'm in my car and have been since 3 pm. 4 hours in my car just sitting there. No music. No phone. Just sitting. When did I get home? How did I get home? Did I accidentally kill anyone on my way home? I guess we'll never know.

I decide that I need to go inside and curl up and live my life in a quarantine-like staycation where I will not be talking to anyone, my best friend will be my cold bathroom floor and kid's drowsy cough medicine because I only like the strawberry flavour and apparently adult medicine manufacturers thought Let's make it taste worse than their own vomit and make them take it 3-4 times a day. Yeah, no thanks I'm okay with my kiddie medication, maybe that's why I'm always asked for parenting advice by new mums in the pharmacy. By the time I actually am able to get my dead legs out of the car, it's been 27 minutes and I stumble into my shitty home like a newborn deer learning to walk. All because of Jaida from work.

That bitch Jaida can get the flu, have a few sniffles and get on with the day. But puts everyone else at risk. Like okay, Jaida you've got a good immune system we get it! She gets to continue her day whereas I am reenacting the exorcist when I even try to drink water. How is it fair? I enjoy my job. I want to be at my job. I unscrew the top of the medicine bottle and simply drink it like it's an energy drink, the door to my bedroom opens and I just lay on the bed.

Suddenly I hear the front door open once again. All this time I've been thinking about myself when I forget I share this shitty home with my amazing boyfriend who has such an important job and if he gets sick, what if he can't go out on a flight and countless people die because of it? Okay nope, he's not allowed near me it is decided I am going to reenact another film, Contagion.

"Honey I'm home!" I hear the naval officer yell throughout the house. The silence is deafening in response. He starts whistling about as if his version of echolocation will be able to locate me within the house. I stand up to back myself against the door so he cannot enter which feels like the biggest task I've ever completed. I hear him try to push the bedroom door open and fail imminently. "Why are you up against the door? Are you naked? You know I don't mind it's nothing I haven't seen before." He goes to push against the door once again.

"I'm not naked. I'm sick." I weakly croak out just enough for him to hear.

"Okay? So are you going to let me in or?" His voice is laced with confusion, boy take a hint, I love you but not happening.

"I'm not letting you in because if you get sick you might not be able to work and if you can't work then Mav might personally send firing jets to shoot me." He can tell there's a frown on my face even behind the oak door. By now I'm sitting on the floor leaning against the door because all my energy is drained. I hear Rooster's knees drop to the floor and look to see him looking through the gap at the bottom of the heavy door and hear a little giggle. "Fuck off it's not funny!" I can't help but laugh which causes my chest and throat to hurt more. "I'm dying of influenza in here and you're laughing about me. Some widow you'd make Bradshaw." Again a fucking giggle easily escapes that man's mouth.

"Right then if you're dying might as well get some things I've been meaning to say for a long time but never had the courage to say." He sighs and sits with his back to the door as I am also doing. A light tension fills the air. "You're a stupid bitch and I hate you. You're ugly too."

"Right now I want you to get sick you dickhead." I lightly hit the door soon realising that hurt my whole body more than I reckoned.

"Then open the door all you have to do is open the door and let me get my karma." His voice sounds tempting. He's got that charm that could sell the internet to an elephant. Not sure if that makes sense but I'm feeling like dumbo on wine right now so I don't really mind if my idiom makes sense or not. That man knows exactly what he's doing. Is it reverse psychology or is it gaslighting either way it's super enticing. I push myself off the floor and open the door. "Ah, a hideous monster!" He yells as I open the door. Bradley sees the upset and frustration on my face and knows I'm about to slam this door in his face. "Wait no! I'm sorry!" Allowing him to walk into our shared bedroom felt illegal to me. I keep my distance from him baking away as far as I can go before hitting the bed that stood in the centre of the room. "Am I not allowed to be near you?" I shake my head in response.

"I'm not getting you sick dude that would fucking suck! And you're a child when you're sick so I'm not willing to play nurse. Love you, not that much." Rooster puts his hands up in a surrender-like fashion and stays where he is. His dark brown eyes scan me up and down. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like I'm a dying puppy." My lips form into a pout.

"I want to look after you. That's all I want. I won't come near you I promise." His fingers form into a cross behind his back.

"And how do you propose that you can look after me without coming near me." I'm sceptical about his methods.

"Get into bed." A little smile forms on his face.

"I don't see how having sex is going to help bud." Scoffs pass his lips as he has given up with my bullshit. Before I can even process what is happening his long arms have been placed onto my shoulders and pushed my back onto the mattress. A small yelp escapes my lips. "I have no energy for this." I feel the mattress consume my weight as I sink in slowly but surely.

"Get under the duvet and I'll be back." He's off! The room is suddenly quiet as I give in to his demands and get settled under the heavy duvet which I can't decide if it's too hot or too cold for it. The first noise I hear is the fumbling noise of the cupboards and then the slamming of them. Instead of Bradley coming back to the room the front door once again opens and closes. I want to get up and see where he has gone but this bed has grown more comfortable by the second and not to my recollection my eyes start to close and I doze off.

I don't know how long it's been while I've been sleeping but I am slowly awoken by the smell of rich chicken wafting its way from the kitchen. My eyes slowly open and I am alerted by Bradley's figure standing in the doorway. My body does a small tense reaction to his terrifying stature. "Hey, sleepysauras. Temp check!" He works his way over to my still comatose body and sticks a thermometer into my mouth. A hmmm noise comes from my chest as I feel the cool plastic on my tongue. "Okay! 101*. You, little lady, have a fever."

"That's mean." My eyes roll around my head.

"I made cheddar broccoli soup. Just for you. Because I love you!" I stick my middle finger up at him. His laughs fill the house as he goes to fetch the amazing-smelling soup from the kitchen. The soup enters the room before he does as he is holding it out at an arm's length. "So I don't have to come near you!" Weak fake laughs come from my mouth. The tray is set on my lap and the bread is cut my way. "Even though I'm pretty sure it's a felony I cut it horizontally because you're sick and I have to spoil you." I try not to break out into a smile and or cry because it is so stinking cute. "Now eat it up."

"Yes sir, Lieutenant Bradshaw, sir!" I give him a small salute. He goes to leave, "What you're not going to spoon-feed me as well?" He stops in his tracks and does a little 180* spin on the spot. The speed of his run could be considered inhuman, he could put the flash to shame. Instead of simply walking around the bed as a normal person would, Bradley leapfrogs over my side of the bed to his side. The metal spoon is lifted from the white ceramic bowl into his hands.

"I'm going to be honest with you I have already taster tested a lot of this soup. For your protection of course." My head shakes up and down in a mocking gesture.

"My hero!" Rooster's lips move closer to the spoon, which holds the cheddar broccoli soup, and lightly blows on it. Aeroplane-like noises advance from the aviator's lips as he spoon feeds me like a child. "It's nice." Dark brown eyes squint at my choice of words. "It's delicious, Gordon Ramsey would be proud!" Pride fills his expression as he seems very impressed with his amazing cooking. As I demolish the food in front of me my stomach churns only slightly enough to make me gag but not to be physically sick. Rooster goes white as a ghost in front of me, not very well-known fact is that Roost is a huge Emetophobic. Reassurance washes over his pale complexion as he realises I wasn't going to throw up.

My anxieties of not wanting to get him sick are gone as I open up the duvet for him to get underneath with me. He willingly does so and joins our bodies together. The warmth from his body and his arm wrapped around me sends me back to sleep.

I hope you enjoyed!

#bradley bradshaw x reader #topgun #bradley bradshaw

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bittertomato · 1 year

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Your Throne headcanons

Main Cast:

In the beginning without Psyche’s healing, Medea (in Psyche’s body) had to put up with muscle aches in places she forgot she could feel fatigue. She ignores the aches through sheer power of will (as she does) but resolves to do a few light exercises every day to build up her stamina and strength—even before asking Eros for swordfighting lessons—in case she had to live as Psyche forever.

Psyche comments about this after switching back to her body, thanking Medea now that it feels like “her lungs can actually expand and breathe more easily.”

Horseback riding was one of the other skills that Psyche requested to learn after switching back to her own body. It’s how she knew how to ride a horse after stealing Helio's when the wall collapsed.

Psyche is so “short and demure” because her growth was stunted from being locked in a box as a child whenever she was punished for misbehaving. Otherwise, her actual height might have been closer to 165 cm (5’5).

Does the Your Throne world have coffee? Anyway Medea is a (black) coffee addict and Psyche is a tea bitch.

Psyche thinks black coffee tastes like Eros—bitter. Medea demands Psyche to never compare her lifeblood to trash ever again.

Eros has a natural “masculine” scent that most girls would swoon for but Medea finds revolting. Since learning about his true colors, being too close to him actually gives Psyche minor headaches because of how pungent his body odor is.

Helio smells like depression.

Pain tolerance from greatest to least: Medea -> Helio -> Eros -> Perion -> Psyche. This is mostly because Psyche’s body is the least resilient to stress, since she’s the least physically fit. And also because the first two are too used to killing their feelings.

However, all of these idiots are highly likely to cut off their own limb if the situation calls for it. Medea and Helio if their cold logic deems it necessary (Helio especially for Medea). Eros has the same cold logic. You can’t tell me Psyche “I’ll stop Helio from stabbing himself with my own hand” and “Dying is scary but I’ll stop my own heart to prevent Eros from killing Medea” Callista wouldn’t treat her own body with little regard. And Perion canonically stabbed his own eye.

Average hours of sleep per night: Medea = 4 (she takes short naps during the day), Helio = 6, Eros = 7, Perion = 7, Psyche = 10 pre-body switch, 8 after returning to her own body.

Medea doesn’t get sick often, and when she does it’s usually something mild that goes away within a few days. But one time when she’s finally allowed to relax and breathe for a minute without Eros, her family, or even the public breathing down her neck, her immune system completely tanks and she gets the worst cold of her life. It’s so bad that she has a fever dream where she wakes up as a reincarnated villainess betrothed to Eros, is being courted by Helio, Perion, and Psyche, and even has relatively loving parents, but all she wants to do is cultivate her farming skills in the inevitable outcome that Eros dumps her for Psyche and banishes her from the kingdom.

No, Medea has never heard of My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! or whatever a Bakarina is that’s why it’s a fever dream.

Psyche (in Medea’s body) kissed Helio on the balcony in the only way she knew how: based on how Eros used to make out with her. It was not a pleasant realization for either Psyche or Helio.

Even with her lack of diverse experience, Psyche is a better kisser than Eros. She learns fast.

When Psyche reveals what happened on the balcony to Medea, Medea just scoffs and offhandedly comments that Helio likes it rough. Psyche chooses not to ruminate about that for too long.

On a similar note, whether or not Medea has actually explicitly mentioned the ch. 122 discourse yes I’m bringing that up, Psyche had a hunch that that would’ve happened while Medea was in her body; considering Psyche and Eros probably did it together after they became engaged. It’s part of the reason why she was so devastated during the body switch, before the women reconciled. But after learning how Eros never loved her, Psyche just feels awful that Medea had to act through such a vulnerable situation.

Supporting Cast:

Dekis, like Nana (bless her soul), is happy that Medea at least has a friend who isn’t trapped in a sense of tragic worship like Helio is. He hopes his sister can continue to build healthier relationships, with new and existing acquaintances.

Thanks to living on his own and developing some life skills, one of them being cooking, Dekis will help out in the kitchen sometimes. The servants were initially against their master doing menial labor, but their worries quickly dissolved. They even share some secrets about Medea’s preferences, to Medea’s amusement.

Along with the books gifted to him, Lira took the rabbit Psyche saved back to his family. They now take care of it as their own pet.

Lynn still reports back to Medea even after Psyche and Medea reconcile. Except instead of plotting to ruin Psyche’s life, now Medea is content with mundane updates like whether Psyche is feeling well or what food she ate or—cringe—how Psyche handled another one of Eros’ visits. Lynn is 100% ??? about the sudden change of heart but doesn’t have the guts to ask her very-scary original employer.

#your throne #tomato rambles #medea solon #psyche callista #helio niccolo #perion sov vasilios #eros orna vasilios #i came up with these at 4 am #woops #long post #kind of #there's so many because i have FEELINGS

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superwoman-comics · 19 days

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SUPERWOMAN: MAIDEN OF STEEL #1 COVER

Welcome to Earth-AC60! Part of the collection of universes called, Multiverse-DC3.

On Earth-AC60, the world will witness the rise of their universe's first superhero, Superwoman!

if you like what you see? check out my comic, Datacell #1! But before you buy, read Datacell's Origin at DATACELL HQ

Name: Clarrie Kent/Kala Lar-El

Date of birth: June 30th,2001(earth time) Age: 22(as of 2023) Height: 6” 4”ft

Powers:

Base strength: She has been shown to be able to lift as much as 100tons. Enhanced human speed: she can run up to mach 5 without exerting herself. Telescopic Vision: The user can zoom their vision in on things, allowing them to see distant objects in magnified scale. They may be able to see vast distances, outside the atmosphere, solar-system or even galactic distances.

Invulnerability: The user is immune to any/all forms of physical damage/harm, unable to feel physical pain, is immune to bleeding or loss of limb. Death due to old age (as opposed to preemptive death) is seemingly the only cause of death to the user. Heat Vision: User is able to generate concentrated, immense amount of heat from their eyes, which can be used to burn, heat, melt, weld, etc., targets. Masters of this power may turn it into/gain Incineration (or vice versa) which is a very similar power.

Flight: User can fly or otherwise move through the air using various methods. Some possibilities include using one or more forms of energy, wings or similar structures, harnessing anti-gravitation, or even mimicking or becoming an animal that can fly. Users are generally able to Levitate, and Glide as well. Enhanced Jump: User can jump incredible distances and land safely, covering frighteningly tall heights and long distances. Usually comes with strong legs.

Ice Breath: The user is able to generate and manipulate ice/cold within them in a way that allows them to shape the exhaling of the effect. These shapes can include bursts, streams, spheres, even a mist of it from the mouth. Semi-Immortality: Users of this ability never age, and as a result, they stay young forever or at least never suffer the ravages of aging. Because of this, the user will always be at their physical prime. The user will also be immune to aging abilities, such as Age Acceleration or Reversal.

Weakness: She is as weak against magic attacks and spells as any human. She is vulnerable to all forms of incapacitating agents and vulnerable to electric/energy/ and mind control attacks. Whether it can kill him remains to be seen. If she encounters a new virus--depending on the the strength of the virus, she could die. Location: Metropolis

Team affiliations: The Daily Planet

Birth location: Smallville. Kansas

First Appearances: Superwoman #1

For years on Deviant Art, I've stumbled on other creators' versions of Superwoman and thought to myself, I want my own version. there's two things i like about this piece; one, the background was made on, Playground AI. I'm thinking of changing up my style--for the sake of experimentation. And two, I gave her my special Superman symbol that I created a few years ago. Once I put them together I looked at it for awhile and thought--Wow! This works. Though i have added some original ideas to Superwoman, she is based off of Superman. The stories are based off of various Superman stories over the years. I do not own superman, or any of the related characters. The Superman series was created by Jerry Seigel and Joe Shuster and is owned by DC Comics. This story is a work of fan-fiction and is for entertainment only. I am not making profit from this story. All rights of Superman belong to DC Comics.

#superhero #dc comics #comics #fanart #rule 63 #genderbender

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dataverse-comics · 25 days

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Welcome to Earth-AC60! Part of the collection of universes called, Multiverse-DC3.

On Earth-AC60, the world will witness the rise of their universe's first superhero, Superwoman!

if you like what you see? check out my comic, Datacell #1! But before you buy, read Datacell's Origin at DATACELL HQ!

Name: Clarrie Kent/Kala Lar-El

Date of birth: June 30th,2001(earth time) Age: 22(as of 2023) Height: 6” 4”ft

Powers:

Team affiliations: The Daily Planet

Birth location: Smallville. Kansas

First Appearances: Superwoman #1

For years, I've stumbled on other creators' versions of Superwoman and thought to myself, I want my own version. there's two things i like about this piece; one, the background was made on, Playground AI. I'm thinking of changing up my style--for the sake of experimentation. And two, I gave her my special Superman symbol that I created a few years ago. Once I put them together I looked at it for awhile and thought--Wow! This works. Though i have added some original ideas to Superwoman, she is based off of Superman. The stories are based off of various Superman stories over the years. I do not own superman, or any of the related characters. The Superman series was created by Jerry Seigel and Joe Shuster and is owned by DC Comics. This story is a work of fan-fiction and is for entertainment only. I am not making profit from this story. All rights of Superman belong to DC Comics.

#superheroes #fan art #comics #black and white #superwoman #superman #rule 63 #genderbend #fan comic #fanart #dccomic #dc comics #dcu #dc universe #action comics

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sentinelpri · 1 year

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Complications

Deidara hates Itachi Uchiha. He always has and he always will- or, that’s what he tells himself. He’s in tune with himself enough to know that, at times, he can be hot-headed or jump to conclusions without any real reason to do so, but when it comes to Itachi? Well, he has plenty of reasons, and they all make sense in his head.

It’s a cold December day. Some stupid bug has been going around and Deidara has been cursed with it. Itachi has been, too, it seems, but apparently the Uchiha has one thing or another wrong with his immune system that makes him more susceptible to the symptoms of illnesses. Everyone else is out on missions, leaving them both alone in one of the rooms in the base. He thinks it’s Itachi’s. Pein demanded that they quarantine there to keep everyone else from getting sick. He also demanded that, since Deidara only has a cough and a slight fever, he should be the one taking care of Itachi to minimize the risk of anyone else getting it.

Deidara hates the thought. He hates that he became free of the Stone Village and the control they tried to have over him only to be forced into the Akatsuki so he could be controlled there, too.

Thankfully, he at least has one solace; his art. He sits on a wooden stool at Itachi’s desk, making statues out of his clay. He doesn’t dare blow them up with Itachi in the room, though. Whatever the older man has seems like it’s a respiratory ailment, and Deidara doesn’t want to make him breathe in the smoke from his explosions while he’s trying to recover.

Wait.

He shouldn’t care about that.

Deidara shakes his head. Maybe it’s just because he’s trying to follow Pein’s orders; take care of Itachi while he’s sick, quarantine, and don’t make it worse. He clears his itchy throat and looks around for something to distract him. He follows Itachi’s charcoal eyes to a framed photo that sits on his nightstand. There’s Itachi in it, though he looks a lot younger; fuller face, brighter eyes, a small smile, even. In front of him is a little boy with a similar face and navy hair. To his left is an older teenager with ash-hued hair and stress lines akin to the one Itachi has now, and to his right is a young girl with long hair and a beauty mark. She has her arms wrapped around Itachi’s shoulders. Her smile is bright and radiant.

It’s a little too quiet. That’s one thing that Deidara hates about Itachi; the fact that the Uchiha is so comfortable with silence. If he didn’t know better, he would say that Itachi revels in said silence because it unsettles those around him. To break the calmness in the air, Deidara speaks.

“So, who’s all in that picture with you?”

“You despise me,” Itachi says with a sickly rasp. He coughs and sits up just enough to shoot a glare in Deidara’s direction before flopping back down. Apparently, he’s grumpy when he’s sick- the opposite of Deidara, who usually becomes very affectionate. “Terribly so, in fact. Why are you acting like you want to get to know me now that we’re in a situation such as this? You’ve been talkative all day. It’s bothersome.”

Deidara pauses. The sharp words from Itachi’s end make his chest hurt, though he tries to ignore that like he tries to ignore all the other god-awful things Itachi has made him feel since they met. This has been the most talkative that Itachi has ever been with him, and of course, it’s because he’s sick and annoyed by Deidara’s presence.

“I was just curious, hm,” Deidara shrugs.

“Izumi, Shisui, and Sasuke Uchiha… Those are their names… Ah, never mind, I shouldn’t get into it. I don’t know why I even told you any of that, actually.”

Deidara’s eyes flicker back to the framed photo. He knows the many stories about Itachi Uchiha, the man who single-handedly murdered his entire family- spare his little brother. If all of it is true, that means that half the people in that picture are deceased due to Itachi himself.

“So, they’re all dead now. You killed them like you did the rest of your clan,” Deidara mutters and looks over at Itachi, who shrugs.

A non committal answer, but if the framed picture of those three by his bedside is anything to go by, then Itachi probably hasn’t accepted it. Or maybe he has and he’s just not over it.

“Yes, you’re correct... You can leave, if you want,” Itachi murmurs. He’s lying on his back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Regardless of the fact that Deidara is in the room, he seems totally relaxed. Deidara is a little unsettled by it, to be honest. “I won’t tell Pein. I really don’t care what you do, Deidara. I don’t need you here to take care of me.”

Deidara rolls his sky blue eyes. If he were a worse person, he’d take advantage of Itachi’s illness and off him right now, but that just isn’t fair. He wants to beat Itachi at his best, after all… Or that’s what he tells himself. Deep down, the thought of killing Itachi under any circumstances makes his stomach drop, even if he’s been fantasizing about it for years. Itachi makes him feel things he doesn’t want to feel and having him dead would make those feelings go away. It would make life ten times easier… Right?

“You look half-dead. I don’t want to take care of you either, but if something happens, someone needs to be here, hm. If Pein shows up to a dead you and no one in sight to hold accountable, he’ll be pissed,” Deidara makes up the excuse on the fly, and surprisingly, Itachi looks convinced. “Unfortunately, the person who needs to be here just so happens to be me.”

“I see,” Itachi sits up and pulls his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs. It’s an odd posture for someone so tall and lanky, but Deidara doesn’t say anything; simply watches as Itachi rests his cheek against one of his knees. Soft-looking, feathery raven locks frame the circumference of the Uchiha’s neck and head like a halo. They’re so pretty that Deidara briefly considers cutting them off. “Tell me why some part of me was hoping you were here because you cared and not because Pein told you to be? I’m actually a little hurt.”

Deidara’s eyebrows shoot up.

Since when does Itachi care about that sort of thing?

His face flushes. Really, he could ignore Pein’s orders and leave if he wanted to. He could completely disobey Pein and try to kill Itachi right now. Itachi, however, is a subtle and reserved man who usually doesn’t question him about his motives when it comes to such things. He doesn’t question the way that Deidara spends so much time staring at him or question why Deidara purposefully starts trying to bicker with him any time they’re in a room together. It’s a game of cat and mouse, and finally, the mouse has decided to stop avoiding the cat.

Deidara refuses to give in and catch Itachi once and for all. Instead, he stands from his chair, crosses his arms, and starts pacing around the room with his back turned to where Itachi is sitting on the bed.

“I don’t know what gave you the impression that I’m physically capable of caring about you,” Deidara crosses his arms over his chest and looks away from Itachi.

“I’m not sure what gave me that impression, either,” Itachi says in a hushed whisper. “You have my sincerest apologies.”

Silence hits the room once more, and again, Deidara is uncomfortable. All he can really here is the cacophony of low-pitched noise that is the mixture of his own heartbeat slamming in his ears and Itachi’s sniffly, wheezy breaths.

“Hm,” Deidara starts up. “As strong as you are, I would’ve never guessed that a bug would take you down like this.”

And, to his shock, Itachi laughs. Not a chuckle, not a small smile, but a deep, genuine laugh characterized by him throwing his head back and laughing so hard into the cold air that it starts his cough back up. Deidara snaps his head back around to observe. When Itachi manages to clear the cough with a few slaps to his chest, he shakes his head, grins up at Deidara, and speaks again.

“You’d be surprised at all the things that could take me down, Deidara.”

Deidara quirks a brow and scrutinizes the wistful look in Itachi’s dark eyes for a few seconds longer than he honestly should.

“Care to give me a list?” He prods in a manner that makes Itachi shake his head.

“No. I don’t want to make it too easy for you, lest you get bored with your fantasies of blowing me into unidentifiable pieces once you realize just how easy it would be.”

“You must be screwing with me.”

Itachi looks up. His eyes pour into the one of Deidara’s that’s visible, two orbs of charcoal burning into a pool of blue.

“Am I? Am I really?”

A few days pass. Deidara and Itachi both recover from whatever sickness it was that they had. Sasori was even kind enough to help out with some medical ninjutsu to heal the soreness in Deidara’s throat. As much as a mean bastard as the puppeteer can be, there are times where he’s actually quite helpful, hence why Deidara has gone to him for advice a handful of times in the past. Tonight is no different.

“What is it, brat?” Sasori spits without so much as turning from where he’s sat at his so called ‘art’ station, nimble wooden hands fast at work to adjust the threads of a new puppet.

Deidara lingers in his open doorway, his own hands clutching the wooden edge. He gulps and starts to speak.

“Can I get some advice?”

“Advice of what variety?” Sasori asks coldly.

Admittedly, the puppeteer is less than comforting and far from compassionate, but that’s just how Deidara likes his people. It makes things less awkward when situations such as this one come to light.

“I’m… Not sure how to define it,” Deidara responds and stims by running his nails up and down the rough wooden surface of the doorway. His heart beats a little faster in his chest than it normally would. “Interpersonal, maybe?”

At that, Sasori sets his work down, turns in his chair, and faces Deidara with crossed arms and raised eyebrows.

“As in a relationship with another person?”

“Hm, yeah,” Deidara nods and slowly but surely eases out of the doorway so he can sit in front of Sasori on the carpet. The bedroom door is half-shut behind him. “Something like that.”

“Spill.”

“There’s this person that I like… Romantically,” He starts to explain with a rose blush dusting the tops of his cheekbones. Sasori appears interested yet simultaneously unamused. “They hinted the other day that they may like me back, but they have a habit of pushing away anyone who’s interested in getting to know them. I don’t know why they’re that way, but it’s frustrating as fuck and every time I think I’ve made some progress they push me away again.”

Sasori shrugs.

“I think you have a simple problem with a simple solution.”

Deidara pauses, opens his mouth to speak, and allows it to fall shut again. Simple? He has not a semblance of a clue as to how anything regarding his relationship with Itachi could be considered simple. It’s a complicated issue with a solution that he has yet to figure out, because every solution he’s thought of has a vast list of negative complications that could come with trying to implement it.

“Simple? The hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t let them,” Sasori states plainly.

“What?”

“Don’t let them push you away,” He reiterates, making Deidara’s brows furrow together in a mixture of awe and confusion. “The solution is to simply push back. People like that tend to push those who care away because they’re afraid of vulnerability despite secretly craving it. If you push back, this person is sure to break and let you in.”

With that, Deidara stands, determination flickering in his core.

“Hm… I hadn’t thought of it that way before, but actually, you’re right,” He nods and looks Sasori dead in the eye before heading towards the door. “Yeah! I’m gonna go give Itachi a piece of his own medicine, hm.”

“Wait, what the fu-”

Deidara excitedly leaves Sasori’s bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Usually, at this time of day, Itachi is locked in his own bedroom or training. When Deidara looks outside through the windows to see that the Uchiha isn’t at the Akatsuki training grounds, he heads towards said Uchiha’s bedroom instead, only to open the door and find that it’s empty. He enters before he can think better of it, one big blue eye darting around and taking in his surroundings.

It’s cleaner than it was the other day when he was there, he thinks. That photo of Itachi and his clan members is no longer on the nightstand, probably hidden away in a drawer or a cabinet somewhere. The bed is neatly made and the floor is spotless. He considers leaving, but just as he does, Itachi walks in behind him and closes the door so quietly that Deidara doesn’t even realize he’s there until the smell of cologne hits his nostrils.

“What do you want? And why are you in my room?” Itachi asks in his usual monotone voice, that one he uses when he’s around people he’s either trying to blow off or intimidate. After what happened when Deidara was in there the last time, the blond can’t help but be offended by it; by how Itachi is acting like nothing happened between them. “This is quite… Invasive.”

“Drop the formalities, Itachi. Shit happened while I was in here the other day and boundaries were crossed,” Deidara turns, walks to Itachi, and gets in his face. Though they’re only four or five inches apart in height, the difference feels staggering. Itachi doesn’t slouch nor does he look away, simply standing tall and meeting Deidara’s gaze with crossed arms and a painfully neutral expression. “Things aren’t the same and I have questions.”

“Such as?”

“You made that comment about being hurt that I don’t care for you,” Deidara starts, reflecting on that genuinely hurt tone Itachi used and tried to thinly veil with feigned sarcasm back when they were sick together. “I don’t understand how you can expect anyone to care for you when you act the way you do. You do what you can to keep people at a distance and no one knows anything about you except for the fact that you’re a psychotic murderer who slaughtered his entire clan, you’re ridiculously strong, and you have some sort of autoimmune disorder that takes over when you get sick. That’s it. No one knows your favorite color or your hopes and dreams, or anything you’re passionate about, or what foods you like, or what you consider art.”

“It’s not an autoimmune disease.”

Deidara’s surprised at how the first thing Itachi addresses is his sickness. He expected the ravenette to avoid the subject at all costs. His eyes widen in shock at Itachi’s bluntness.

“...What?” Deidara quietly demands, hoping that Itachi will elaborate.

“It’s not an autoimmune disease, it’s… Rare, and terminal. I was diagnosed with it when I was a teenager, just days before I killed my clan members,” Itachi explains and pulls away from Deidara so he can go lay on his bed and stare at the ceiling. Unsure of what else to do, Deidara stands there quite awkwardly and listens to Itachi’s woes. The part of him that hated Itachi and everything the Uchiha stands for from the very start of their correspondence wants to laugh. The rest of him wants to cry. “It’s a sort of stress induced Chakra depletion. The more stressed I become, the less Chakra reserves I have, and let me tell you, I am stressed. All of the damage that’s been done to my body is irreversible. Eventually, I’m going to slowly run out of Chakra and die, and there’s nothing I can do about it. It just so happens to be more draining when I’m sick like I was earlier this week.”

Silence. Neither of them talk for a few moments after Itachi finishes. Deidara scans Itachi’s body up and down with his eyes, trying to memorize it in case today (or tomorrow, or the day after that, or the next day, or the next day) is the last day that Itachi has in this life. Itachi doesn’t pay him any mind without being prompted to do so, either, so Deidara asks-

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Why not? It’s not like you’ll tell anyone. The one person you talk to is Sasori and the only interest he’d have in my terminal illness is the potential of obtaining my corpse to turn into one of his puppets afterwards, not my wellbeing.”

“I-” Deidara starts, desperate to argue, but Itachi doesn’t let him get more than a word in, simply steamrolling the conversation.

“And even if you were to tell anyone, they wouldn’t believe you. How would telling the other Akatsuki members benefit you, anyway? It wouldn’t. They’d laugh- though whether it’d be at you or at the thought of me dying, I’m not sure.”

“Itachi-”

“So? What else do you need to know for you to care about me?”

And there are a million things Deidara wants to ask. He wants to ask why Itachi murdered his entire family, why he willingly joined the Akatsuki instead of having to be forced in like most of the other members, what kind of art he enjoys, what his favorite foods and drinks are, what books he enjoys, what his favorite color is, whether he’s a tea person or a coffee person, what his deepest fears and desires are. First and foremost, though, he asks-

“When- do you… Do you have a prognosis? Or, any idea of when you’re going to die?”

“If I had to guess, within the next two years,” Itachi answers while raising a hand to look at his fingernails, as if inspecting them. They’re short, yellowed, frail, and slightly clubbed.

“Then why should I care about you if you’re just going to leave me soon?” Deidara huffs and crosses his arms.

“I’m not saying you should. Really, I’d advise you against it, but part of me suspects that you’ve been harboring feelings for me for a long time,” Itachi smiles something soft and wistful that makes Deidara’s heart skip a beat. Finally, the ravenette looks at him, too, something reminiscent of affection in his eyes. Deidara thinks that’s what it is, anyway. Most people are annoyed by him at best and don’t care about him at worst. He actually isn’t quite sure of what love or adoration or any of those sappy feelings look like on anyone’s face aside from his own, but he suspects that this must be it. Itachi must at least like him for them to be doing this, right? For Itachi to be reaching out for his hand, to hold it so gently and intertwine their fingers like they’re meant to fit together in the way that two puzzle pieces would? “You’ve never been one for following orders, and yet you stayed in my room and cared for me like a good little Akatsuki member despite having claimed that you hate my guts since you joined.”

“And?” Deidara whispers. “So what if I do? Harbor feelings for you, I mean… Care for you. I think that’s the term, hm.”

“Then… I’d say I care for you as well, Deidara.”

“You care for me…?”

“I do.”

It’s quiet again. Neither of them say anything else, but Deidara does dare to join Itachi on his bed. He didn’t lock the door, they’re both still getting over their respiratory bug, and Itachi is dying, but Deidara chooses to throw caution to the wind like he always does, ignoring whatever complications are sure to come so he can enjoy this.

He deserves to enjoy something other than art, right? To enjoy someone loving him for once? Caring for him in a way that a lifeless clay statue never could? Or maybe that’s what Itachi is to him; another art form. Yes, that sounds nice…

“Itachi.”

“Yes?”

“You’re like art, you know that? Fleeting-”

“Shut up, Deidara,” Itachi blankly states and reassuringly squeezes Deidara’s hand. “You don’t have to fill the silence. Let it be.”

“Hm… Fine.”

#itadei #naruto #naruto fanfiction #naruto shippuden #fanfiction #oneshot #oneshots #drabble #drabbles #itachi uchiha #itachi #deidara #deidara x itachi #itachi x deidara #itachi uchiha x deidara #deidara x itachi uchiha #tw terminal illness

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agentem · 10 months

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Secret Invasion questions

Going into the finale, I still have a lot of questions about Secret Invasion. Foremost amongst them is, "why is this a show? Did you feel you had to make this just because there was a comic run called Secret Invasion?"

How long has Rhodey been a Skrull and when did it happen? I need an exact date and location of his human body, pls.

Was Varra "working with" Gravik? Because there was a lot of build up to her getting that gun and we were supposed to be surprised Nick's wife was a Skrull. But we never saw her do anything with Gravik besides introduce him to Nick as child. She didn't kill Nick which was the one order she was given.

Still don't know how Skrull!Ross tricked Maria Hill (if indeed that was Maria Hill, still hoping for an LMD).

Why were Nick Fury and Carol Danvers unable to find the Skrulls a home world? (BTW if the Skrulls are immune to radiation and "like the cold" could they survive on a planet in our solar system that is not habitable to humans? Or could they go live in regions of Earth that humans can't survive in? IDK if they like the cold I think think they should just ask some nice Canadians for a place to stay instead of starting a war.)

Why was Nick pretending to be a bad spy for a couple episodes if he didn't have any real arc to coming back to his Eyepatch and Trenchcoat? Was this all just a ruse to get Gravik to be cocky and self assured? Because it seems like he already was.

If Gravik is so dumb now why did they spend the entire first episode convincing us he was smart? (Why did Maria have to die?)

Talos said there are a million Skrulls but we have seen a couple dozen. Are there like Skrull families off living their best life who have nothing to do with this? Or are there other factions? I don't get it.

Why DO the Skrulls "like the cold" if they are reptiles? Don't reptiles often freeze in cold weather? I have no idea what Skrull biology is. It makes no sense.

Talos hated Gravik's plan from the jump. As did one woman on the Skrull council. G'iah, Beto, and even Pagon have all decided its a crap plan now after initially being on board. Varra disobeys his orders. Who actually is on Gravik's side besides Raava/Rhodes and the UK Prime Minister?

Russian intelligence. I know Russian intelligence might not work US or British groups. But they must know there are Skrulls in Russia. It's not my impression of that country that they are lacks with security. Can Putin (or whoever in President of Russia in the MCU) just call Ritson and be like, "Hey, bro I hate America and think you suck but that attack wasn't us, let's all just relax." Gravik is acting like this is the Cuban Missile Crisis when everyone was just waiting to nuke each other.

Is Monica on SABER? Can I see her? Did her and G'iah ever hang out? Can we move on yet?

Does Sonya know Blade? Because she should totally be in charge of the Midnight Suns or something.

#secret invasion #spoilers #secret invasion spoilers #nick fury #talos #g'iah #monica rambeau #rhodey #james rhodes #raava #gravik #mcu

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misterewrites · 1 year

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Year Two and a Halfish (Threads of Fate)

Hi! E here still alive. Been. a while. Sorry if you were expecting updates sooner my laptop was having some serious black screen issues and every attempt at sending it to get repaired is getting stonewalled and honestly it's infuriating and yeah. That happened. Hopefully this time it gets properly fixed and i can go back to writing consistently. I'm just using my mom's laptop to write in the meantime.

So it's super late but Merry Christmas @hains-mae! WOO! this is her gift that she requested at the time (I was pretty surprised when she wanted me to write this story but then i was promptly told she wanted her Solider Poet King for her birthday so that explained everything haha.

I started working on this a few days ago and unfortunately something happened here in America relates in a small part to the story. Honestly maybe I'm overreacting or overthinking it but I also know a lot of people read this story and i rather be overly prepped than accidentally not doing enough

Mae wanted a situation where Jason loses it after you, the reader, is injured. She gave me little requests like Robin's line and has to end in all warm feel goodness (cuz i am not legally allowed to write angst haha) so I have chosen that the reader is shot in the shoulder.

Yeah my little thing makes sense now.

It gets a bit intense, maybe? I can never tell cuz I'm writing it. Like i said I could be overthinking this but heads up. It also does end very sweet and homely and all that goodness so no worries. If you don't feel like reading it I understand.

Stay safe everyone. Lose yourself in a story whether it be mine or someone else's and just relax. breath. It'll be okay. Even if it seems like a lot right now.

So yeah hopefully I'll have my laptop fixed and we're all good but at least for now i have an alternate means of writing! Next is probably Mirror's Edge, Mae's birthday gift, Mirror's edge, another gift i owe but that's a personal one that won't be posted.

Be safe, take care of yourself and your loved ones. Wear masks (i know i know but remember you can pass them on to people with compromised immune systems.) remember to get the vaccine or booster cuz it'll help make it bearable. It's okay to just exist and be and let the world pass you by. One step at a time together. Also vaccine worldwide push for it cuz it's important and frankly whatever you feel is important. The issues that matter to you and remember. It'll be okay.

That's it for me! E is out have a great week and i'll see you really soon!

If you want to read this from the start you can find the whole story on this really awesome site right here! https://archiveofourown.org/works/29955270/chapters/73737858

For the rest of my work that includes some awesome original work (so i am told haha) Arcane Legend of Zelda and Soul Eater you can find that over here https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrE42/pseuds/MrE42

Summary: A few months later, you are trying to get to work when a very unfortune thing happens. For better or worse Red Hood is saving the day.

-----

It’s pretty cold right now. I…I don’t recall ever feeling this cold before.

Wait. That’s not…true. I think. I’m pretty sure I’ve been this cold before.

Have I?

Whenever Mister Freeze has a snow day it gets really cold.

I feel for him, I do but...

God it’s cold. Or is it warm? My head is warm. Hands not so much. Feet freezing too.

Am I cold? I can’t tell. Everything is a lot right now. The floor is damp I know that much. I can see my breath frozen midair for a moment.

Someone is yelling, waving something towards me from overhead but I can’t focus. Everything’s a bit blurry.

Why does my side hurt? Fuck did I pull something again? I really hope not. I have work tomorrow. Eww wet too. Did I spill something?

Wait, no. Today. I have work today. Right now I think. What time is it?

Shit why do I feel weak? Arm’s shaking too. I didn’t forget to eat again did I? Ugh Jason’s going to kill me.

Hee, Jason. He’s soooo handsome. I have no idea why he wants out hang with me though. He is way out of my league. Like he’s fucking Batman’s son! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO IMPRESS THE ACTUAL SON OF BATMAN!?

Mister Wayne? Bruce? Bruce. No not Bruce. I’ve never met him, I don’t think I can be on a first name basis with freaking Batman if I’ve never met him. Well him him. I’ve been saved by the bats before. Few times actually.

I should really thank him for Jason. He’s just amazing.

Okay so maybe I drank a lot. Why am I thinking of Jason?

Ugh, this asshat is yelling at me still. What the hell does he want? He’s talking to me right? Ugh my head’s pounding, I can’t hear anything.

The guy seems frantic, keeps looking back expecting something but I have no idea what. He just keeps gesturing to his open hand. What the fuck does he…

FUCK! That’s right this asshole shot me!

I wince as the sound turns back on all at once: The angry honking of impatient drivers, the numbing chatter of a thousand people living in a concrete jungle as one. The adrenaline is making my senses so sharp I can hear the dripping water splatting against the cold floor of the alley.

I must’ve gone into shock without realizing it. I mean I was just shot so can you blame me?

My shoulder is burning with a white hot pain I only felt twice in my life: Once when Bane slammed a mailbox into me and when I was 12 and I was really trying to…

You know what? Not important. More pressing matters right now.

I remember now that my flight or fight kicked in: I was late to work and I tried cutting through an alley for a shortcut.

Terrible idea in Gotham I know but this one was brightly lit. I didn’t think anyone was stupid enough to try anything.

So naturally the universe decides to give me the one stupidest person who would try.

He waves his gun at me again (it was a gun. Duh.) but honestly I’m too wired to care. Plus he shot a hole in my favorite jacket! AND IT’S GOT BLOOD RUNNING DOWN IT! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET BLOOD OUT OF CLOTHING?! Really fucking hard.

Oh. Shit. I’m bleeding out. That’s probably important too.

I try to pick myself off the floor but he takes a step forward, threatening me with the gun again.

“I’ll shoot!” he yells.

Even now, with the last possible moments of my life slipping away, I can’t help but be a smartass.

“You already did you asshat! Shooting me again isn’t gonna make me want to give you my money anymore than the first time!”

Gonna die as I lived: Sassy.

He clicks the hammer on the gun, prepping it to fire again.

I…I feel numb. The adrenaline lessens the pain but it’s still mind dumbing. I just want to scream and fight and yell and go down swinging.

But that’s not who I am. I’m not some superhero or even a regular hero. I’m just a person trying to make my way through this chaotic journey called life. I couldn’t even get up and now because some idiot wants the 10 bucks and a very, very old video rental card to a place that doesn’t exist anymore in my wallet, it was about to end.

I could feel fear bite at my resolve, a dreadful overwhelming sense of finality wash over me. Goosebumps crawled down my skin, the air felt stuffy and too cold all at once as time slowed to a crawl.

I….

I can’t even think.

I’m just scared. I don’t want to go out this way.

I took a deep breath and close my eyes.

I think of my mom, waiting for my phone call later.

I think about Jason Jr, a cat I adopted by accident cuz he had streak of white that was way too familiar. Feed them once and every Jason refuses to leave you.

I do my best to not think of him but Jason Jr leads to Jason the human: His piercing blue eyes that feel like he’s seeing deep into my soul. His messy black hair with that one streak of white that made him so iconic, so distinct from his brothers. The various knicks, tiny bruises, cuts and scars from years being Robin then the Red Hood. Invisible from afar but so, so clear up close.

I can hear his laugh, mostly teasing but with a hint of warmth when I do something dumb. The way shows off his prowess with a knife and how proud he beams when I clap excitedly. Wide smirks when we get into one of our playful chats and jabs. The small smile that graces his lips when he thinks I’m not looking. The quiet thoughtful look when something troubles him. A distance gaze only someone who has experienced for too much has.

I see Jason in my mind but I don’t want that. I want to look him in eye when he tries to be all broody and cool. I want to mess with his hair and tease him about his terrible tastes in books. I want to see him again!

Not like this. No fucking way. I have no idea how I’m going to go but I refuse to let it be like this.

I snap out of my stupor, time seemingly unmoved by whatever deeply reflective crap I just did.

He still has his hand on the gun. I’m still on the floor and this still sucks.

I prep my body, tensing and wincing from my aching shoulder but I try not to be distracted. One shot and whether it works or not, I’m not going to go quietly.

“JUST GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!” the man screams hysterically.

“Fuck you.” I spit out as I’m ready to make my move.

The red string tied around my finger slackens, distracting me at a really bad time but suddenly goes taut like someone is pulling at it.

A thud is all I hear and suddenly the guy is gone. Just vanished into thin air.

I weakly try to stand but my legs turn to jelly and honestly I’m not in fight or flight anymore. I’m in “the floor is nice and solid and I’m just gonna lay here” mode.

So I do just that and fall back on the floor and decide to exist for like the next ten minutes.

I mean I would’ve if something didn’t pick me up.

“Are you okay?” A voice asks, young. Younger than me at least.

“Umm.” I smartly reply.

The young man hums thoughtfully “You’ve been shot.”

“Yeah. That thing.”

“Shock.” He concludes before slipping my good arm over his neck and helps me over to a wall. I take this sec to look and am unsurprised to find Red Robin at my side.

“JA.…” Someone else from above calls out, nearly saying a full name before realizing his mistakes “HOOD!”

Hood? Jason. Jason is the Hood. Jason is here. God I’m tired.

He doesn’t respond if he is here.

A figure elegantly sails through the air, tucking into an impossible swan dive only a skilled master of acrobatics whose trained his entire life could manage so effortlessly.

Plus that’s Nightwing’s ass. It doesn’t matter where you land on orientation, everyone in Gotham and Bludhaven knows that ass.

“HOOD!” Nightwing shouts, less cheery goofyball as per his usual self and more firm. More worried.

Red Robin looks now and his practiced, measured posture drops. He doesn’t even bother to hide his brother’s name.

“Jason. Jason stop! JASON!”

Nightwing has already broken into a full sprint towards where I assume Jason is but Red Robin take a second to make sure I’m comfortable. He places me against the wall and hands me a thick cloth to press over my shoulder. A second later and he’s off. My eyes follow and land on Jason.

Except he’s not Jason right now. He’s Red hood and the difference is….staggering to be honest.

I…forget who he is, the brand of justice he deals out with harsh sentences. Somehow, despite how we first met, I managed to split Jay and Hood into two different entities. Two different people who never happened to be in the same room at the same time.

But now, seeing Jason rain blow and blow upon my attacker, I see it.

Jason favors his right side. He’s amberidext-something but that’s from years of training. He says it feels more natural to him, easier for him to focus on other things.

Red likes using the right too. He’s just a fraction faster using his favored side and it’s clear even with his build that he is quick and there’s power in each punch.

Jason is light on his feet but has a solid stance. He loves to boast how it takes all his siblings to hold back him even if he’s not really trying to break free.

Nightwing can’t stop him neither can Red Robin. They’ve all had the same training from the same teacher but they’re not the same. They all have their strengths: Nightwing was blessed with an inhuman grace (and ass). RR is as smart as Batman and just as capable as a detective.

But Jason? Just a force of nature. Pure muscle and strength only equaled by his mentor and with a will to match.

They could barely slow the battle crazed Hood. It took all they had to pull him back but I could see by the sweat on their brows that it was only a matter of time before he broke free from their grasp. He was like a shark that smelled blood in the water and he wasn’t going to stop until he felt the price of injustice had been paid.

Another figure descended from the roof, smaller in stature and wearing an all too iconic yellow and black outfit: Robin. Well the newest Robin since everyone here minus me was Robin at some point.

You know when you’re drained of adrenaline you get reeeeeeally out of it.

Robin cautiously approached the trashing Red Hood, well aware of how dangerous his brother could be.

“Todd.” Robin spoke firmly “This is wrong. You know this is wrong.”

“Yeah Jay!” Nightwing pitched in quickly “And that’s coming from the kid. Imagine how you’re acting if he’s saying that.”

Robin openly glared “Watch your tongue Grayson.”

“Guys, could we deal with the rampaging Jason before we start snipping at each other?” Red Robin pleaded with immense strain.

Nightwing tightened his grip “Jay please. They’re watching.”

Jason’s shoulders slump as realization dawned on him. I could physically note when the exact moment the fight left him.

And me as I promptly passed out.

-----

I wish I could tell you after such a harrowing ordeal that I reflected with a deep and newly acquired profound understanding of my existence, the importance of living each day to the fullest and my place in the universe for really I am the instrument in which the universe….

Yeah no. I woke up on a cloud and instantly hated existing cuz pain is not fun.

I’m not exaggerating by the way. I found myself on the most comfortable bed I have ever been. It was like it was molded for me, shaping around my body in a way that didn’t aggravate my aches. I mean it didn’t stop them but I’ll take anything I could get.

“I see you are awake.”

I couldn’t even flail so I settled for screaming at the top of my lungs.

The most British older gentleman I have ever seen regarded me with a stony face of indifference though I swore I saw a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.

“I must admit I have never illicit that particular response before.” He said dryly complete with stiff upper lip “But I can see why it is Master Bruce’s favorite.”

I could feel my cheeks burn “Ah yes. Sorry I….sorry. Umm good morning mister…?”

The man gave a bow “Pennyworth. Normally I would ask you to refer to me as such but seeing as young Master Jason has spoken about you at great length and detail it seems only fair we are on a more familiar basis. Alfred is my name.”

I chuckled nervously as realization dawns on me “Yes. Please forgive me…Alfred? Sir? I…Long night.”

“I should say so what with that bullet lodged in your shoulder.”

I could feel my shoulder ache dully at the reminder.

“Ugh I gotta get to a hospital huh? Don’t want to get lead poisoning. Umm Alfred, sir, do you know if Gotham Blue covers gunshot wounds? My brain is still a bit scrambled.” I speak honestly.

Even his laugh is dry “Do not worry. I have taken the liberty of removing the round as you were sleeping. It made the process simpler and more efficient. A refreshing change of pace I will admit. My usual patients like to insist very serious gunshot wounds fall under the category of merely a ‘scratch’.”

I opened my mouth to reply but someone else answered for me “We’re bats Alfred. Comes with the territory that we get shot at.”

Jason sauntered into the room lazily but I knew he’d been worried: His hair was extra messy and matted, his shoulders slumped as his posture hunched over. His hands were stuffed into his pockets, probably fiddling with whatever he had inside. His gaze was intensely focused on Alfred but I could see him struggling not to look at me.

Alfred’s gave a slight smile “Ah yes. Forgive me Master Todd but I do recall there is quite the difference between being shot at and being shot in general. One many of you seem to have difficulty grasping.”

Jason shrugged, unsure what to say.

“Beg your pardon” Alfred turned to me “I must prepare breakfast. I shall be back shortly with some French toast and fresh bandages for your wound.”

With a polite bow Alfred briskly left the room and sent a scurrying of hurried feet racing from the door.

Silence, not awkward but still tense. The lingering sense of shame filled the air.

Jason wouldn’t look at me.

“Your siblings will be back soon.” I nudged him helpfully “If you want a private conversation I’d say we got like 5 minutes.”

“Twenty.” Jason mumbled uneasily “They really like to scatter to make sure no one is suspicious but Alfred and Bruce know us too well to fall for it. Alfred will suddenly find tiny and convenient issues around the house to prevent them from circling back and Bruce will track one or two down to have a quick chat.”

“Neat.” I said honestly.

Silence fell over us again but I knew it was because Jason was gathering his thoughts into words. When things really mattered he always took his time.

“I’m sorry.” He said, still refusing to meet my gaze.

I scoffed loudly “I wasn’t aware you shot me.”

“This isn’t the time for being a smartass!”

“It isn’t the time for being a dumbass either but here you are.”

“I know you saw me.”

I sighed deeply “Of course I saw you. What, do you think I never wanna see you again?”

Jason remained quiet.

“Look.” I tried to sit up “I’m not gonna pretend like I know what your life’s been like and what you did last night was…a lot.”

“Don’t move, you’ll make it worse.” He said but I ignored him.

“Make me Jay.”

Jason whirled around so quick I nearly didn’t see him gently push me onto back.

“Oww.” I wheezed but Jason held a firm yet careful hold on me “Cheater.”

“How? How did I cheat?” Jason gave a cutely offended look.

I snort “Alphabetically or chronologically?”

Jason glared “If you say Batman trained me one more time…”

“Am I lying?” I smirked “The most training I got was little league and I sucked at it.”

“You hit a homerun once” He offered helpfully.

I rolled my eyes playfully “I hit home, not a homerun. Big diff Jay.”

“True. Only you could hit the homebase and send it flying 5 feet.”

“Hey! It was 20 feet. Minimum.”

“Mhm sure. My bad.” Jason finally grinned “I suppose you also managed to get 5 points for doing that too.”

“Don’t forget the scholarship too! You always forget the scholarship.”

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

“No!”

“Duh!”

We stared at each other deeply for a moment before breaking out into laughter.

Well Jason did. I took one breath and suddenly I was violently coughing.

“Oww oww oww.”

“Idiot.” He mumbled as he tucked me into the sheets.

I gave a cheesy grin “Worth it.”

Jason raised a quizzical eyebrow.

“Okay no, not really” I admitted “That hurt way more than I was expecting.”

“Rest.” Jason threatened me with arms crossed.

I was too tired to care the words “Only if you’re here to keep an eye on me.” Tumbled out of my mouth before I thought better.

Jason shifted guiltily “Look I…”

In for a pound. I gently placed on my hand over his “We’ll talk about it later. For now it’s over and honestly I really don’t wanna think about it this second. I am just….really happy to see you Jay.”

He took my hand in his.

“You really need to stop taking shortcuts.” He scolded lightly.

“Hey!” I raised my free hand defensively “There were lights! What kind of idiot tries to rob someone in a well lit alley?!”

“The one that shot you yesterday.”

“No shit Jay.” I glared openly at him but all he did was smirk in response.

As beautiful as this moment was, I had to ruin it. A thought began to bother me and Jason noticed.

Jason motioned with his head “Don’t think too hard. Your body can’t handle the strain right now.”

“Oh shut it. You said Bruce was gonna intercept your siblings, right?”

“Umm yeah.” Jason was unsure where I was going with this “He pretends to be emotionally constipated but he’s very good at bed side manner and respectful with privacy.”

I nodded in agreement “Have you ever brought anyone to here?”

Jason’s face fell “Oh no.”

“Emotionally constipated? You’re being unusually kind today Jason.”

The doors flung open and in strode the one, the only, the myth, the legend and Jay’s father: Bruceman.

Shit I mean Batwayne. Brucebat.

Bruce motherfreaking Wayne gave me a million dollar smile “Hello I’m Bruce Wayne. It is so nice to meet you. Jason never brings any of his friends over.”

I could feel myself pale as I stared dumbfounded at his outstretched hand.

Then I promptly passed out.

#My work #Red Hood X reader #DC #Batfam #Red Hood #Reader #X-mas gift

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